mare
Banner hater
Queen of Fanfiction
Supreme Time Waster
Posts: 14433
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« on: March 22, 2009, 06:05:44 PM » |
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We're going to just start this out as a thread to see the demand since we already are kind of cluttered. If it's successful, maybe we can make this a board as well.
If you are looking for a quick fix or some quick feedback when it comes to your stories, post your link here and those of us that have time will give you our first impressions of your work. Sometimes all it takes is reading a summary to get a good idea of how the rest of the story is going to play out. Sometimes all it takes is a chapter or two to let you know if it's something we'd be interested in reading.
Just like all the other threads on here though, please remember that you are asking for help so please don't get offended by what may be said here. At the end of the day, we're all here to help each other. If you don't think you can take the criticism (And some people just can't) please don't post your story.
Otherwise post your links and good luck to you all!
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Ah well, there's always next year!
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« Reply #1 on: March 22, 2009, 06:44:53 PM » |
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~*Dee*~ People think it would be fun to be a bird because you could fly. But they forget the negative side, which is the preening. From "And Now, Deep Thoughts" by Jack Handey |
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« Reply #2 on: March 22, 2009, 07:45:16 PM » |
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Shoot for the moon,
even if you miss it ,
you'll land among the stars.
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mare
Banner hater
Queen of Fanfiction
Supreme Time Waster
Posts: 14433
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« Reply #3 on: March 22, 2009, 08:23:40 PM » |
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Hey Chinar, I would suggest finding someone to double check your work before you post. I think it's a good idea for everyone to do this but, since English is not your first language, it's probably a good thing to do. I can tell you right off the bat, your summary needs some work. Because there are so many stories with a very similar plot on AC like yours, you probably want to leave people guessing when it comes to what's going to happen. I think if you just shorten it a little bit, it would work better for you since you are kind of repeating yourself. If I was new to the AC site and looking for something to read, I would have skipped over your story because of the summary. Otherwise, just doing a quick read of your first chapter, I think you have a cute idea. It's a nice twist to start them out so young. Just like I said, maybe find yourself someone to be a spot checker or as people like to say, Beta reader. Good luck! ~ Mare  |
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Ah well, there's always next year!
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« Reply #4 on: March 23, 2009, 10:05:03 AM » |
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Hey Chinar, I would suggest finding someone to double check your work before you post. I think it's a good idea for everyone to do this but, since English is not your first language, it's probably a good thing to do. I can tell you right off the bat, your summary needs some work. Because there are so many stories with a very similar plot on AC like yours, you probably want to leave people guessing when it comes to what's going to happen. I think if you just shorten it a little bit, it would work better for you since you are kind of repeating yourself. If I was new to the AC site and looking for something to read, I would have skipped over your story because of the summary. Otherwise, just doing a quick read of your first chapter, I think you have a cute idea. It's a nice twist to start them out so young. Just like I said, maybe find yourself someone to be a spot checker or as people like to say, Beta reader. Good luck! ~ Mare Oh ok thxs ! So you mean I should change my summary a bit ? And about the first chapter. Did you notice any horrible mistakes I made , like spellingwise ? But thanks for the tip , I appreciate it |
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Shoot for the moon,
even if you miss it ,
you'll land among the stars.
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« Reply #5 on: March 23, 2009, 01:47:45 PM » |
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I think I can handle it if anyone wants to tell me where I'm going wrong on my stories. The problem I have is that I have the ideas in my head, but they don't always come out how I want when I write them, I don't think my writing is descriptive enough. I enjoy writing though and think it is improving slowly, although I'm still pretty new to all this. Any ideas or tips would be appreciated |
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RokofAges75
Head Hunter
Supreme Time Waster
Posts: 9870
So intense.
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« Reply #6 on: March 23, 2009, 03:56:47 PM » |
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^ Do you have a specific story you'd like feedback on? That might help narrow it down for a critique...
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« Reply #7 on: March 23, 2009, 04:09:29 PM » |
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^ Do you have a specific story you'd like feedback on? That might help narrow it down for a critique...
I don't mind really, I've got a couple on the go at the moment, 'If Tomorrow Never Comes' and 'Rewind'. I think they are OK, but to other people they may not be. The others are Take That and Westlife ones which I'm not sure anyone would read here, but I post them anyway because I'm posting them on other sites. |
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Rose
Head Hunter
Chief of Disorder
Posts: 4700
Deadly and DRATW
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« Reply #8 on: March 23, 2009, 04:11:07 PM » |
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"Born To Be" http://www.absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=8954 (The story is my baby so I'm not as open minded about my mistakes as I probably should be) "Divisions Of Reality" http://www.absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=779 I know it needs improvement, especially the story was started back when I was only 16 and very collab heavy lol. |
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You need love!
Please don't change the way you are,
Soon you'll live within my heart.
You deserve it, you know it...
You've been searching for it all of your life...
You need love!
Don't be scared to try again.
You can rest upon my chest,
And I'll hold you, I'll save you
You've been searching for it all of your life
You need love!
"All of Your Life (Need Love)" - Backstreet Boys |
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RokofAges75
Head Hunter
Supreme Time Waster
Posts: 9870
So intense.
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« Reply #9 on: March 23, 2009, 05:41:23 PM » |
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I don't mind really, I've got a couple on the go at the moment, 'If Tomorrow Never Comes' and 'Rewind'. I think they are OK, but to other people they may not be. The others are Take That and Westlife ones which I'm not sure anyone would read here, but I post them anyway because I'm posting them on other sites.
Okay, I'll give it a shot! Starting with "Rewind"... I think the summary is pretty good; it sounds intriguing. Stories where a person gets to travel back in time and change things in their life are always pretty interesting, and that's what the summary makes me think it is. A couple of logistic things I think I would change if it were my summary would be to write out the number "forty" instead of putting it in numerals, and take out all the ellipses (........) A simple ellipse, with three dots, is plenty. (I should mention that I'm pretty anal and a little OCD; stuff like more than three dots in an ellipse bugs me! LOL) The banner is nice and simple, but it doesn't reveal much about the story... well, except maybe that Nick likes to drink! Which we already know LOL. Going on to the first chapter, I like how you set up the location and date. When I started reading it, I noticed a couple of grammar/mechanics things that would bug me if I was reading the whole thing. The first is that you don't use punctuation between your dialogue and the rest of your sentences. For example, “Happy Birthday me” Nick muttered to himself should be "Happy Birthday [to?] me," Nick muttered to himself. You need that comma before the quotation marks to help separate the dialogue from the dialogue tag (like "Nick muttered"). The second thing is run-on sentences. It's not like you wrote the story all in one paragraph or without any punctuation at all, nothing as horrible as that. But there are a lot of places where you use commas in place of periods or semi-colons, which leads to run-on sentences. Make sure you put either a period, semi-colon, or comma WITH a conjunction (and, but, or) between every complete thought. For example, you have a couple of run-ons here: He looked around and saw the usual bar bums, he supposed he could class himself as one of them too. Gone were the expensive clothes, these days he didn’t care about his appearance, not that he was vain back in the old days, but now he would just pull on whatever looked clean. If I were proofreading for you, I'd edit it to look like this: He looked around and saw the usual bar bums. He supposed he could class himself as one of them, too. Gone were the expensive clothes; these days, he didn't care about his appearance. Not that he'd been vain back in the old days, but now he would just pull on whatever looked clean.It may seem minor, but as they say, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, and constant run-ons and punctuation errors make a story harder to read and could be a turn-off to readers who are grammar sticklers. Your story is definitely still readable, and I could probably get past those mistakes, but it would make it look more polished if you corrected those things. I should also add that I know you're from the UK, and I know that there are slightly different ways of formatting writing over there, compared to the US, so the info I'm giving you is based on what I've been taught and what is acceptable here... take it with a grain of salt if you've been taught differently! I studied abroad in Scotland a few years ago, and we were told to use British style for spelling and formatting, and that was really interesting, trying to edit my papers to fit a different format. Anyway, I hope that helps! |
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RokofAges75
Head Hunter
Supreme Time Waster
Posts: 9870
So intense.
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« Reply #10 on: March 23, 2009, 05:47:33 PM » |
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As they say, don't dish it out if you can't take it, so I'll offer up one of "mine" for the slaughter too LOL. Hopefully Rose and Dee won't mind, since it's a collab with them. I'm not actively working on any of my own stories at the moment LOL, so that's why I'm not seeking critiques on them, although you're welcome to look at them if you want. This is our newest story, "4.15.12," and because it's a different format and type of story than what I'm used to, I'm curious as to what the first impressions are. http://accidentalchaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=9551 |
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« Reply #11 on: March 23, 2009, 05:49:23 PM » |
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Okay, I'll give it a shot!
Starting with "Rewind"... I think the summary is pretty good; it sounds intriguing. Stories where a person gets to travel back in time and change things in their life are always pretty interesting, and that's what the summary makes me think it is. A couple of logistic things I think I would change if it were my summary would be to write out the number "forty" instead of putting it in numerals, and take out all the ellipses (........) A simple ellipse, with three dots, is plenty. (I should mention that I'm pretty anal and a little OCD; stuff like more than three dots in an ellipse bugs me! LOL)
The banner is nice and simple, but it doesn't reveal much about the story... well, except maybe that Nick likes to drink! Which we already know LOL.
Going on to the first chapter, I like how you set up the location and date. When I started reading it, I noticed a couple of grammar/mechanics things that would bug me if I was reading the whole thing. The first is that you don't use punctuation between your dialogue and the rest of your sentences. For example, “Happy Birthday me” Nick muttered to himself should be "Happy Birthday [to?] me," Nick muttered to himself. You need that comma before the quotation marks to help separate the dialogue from the dialogue tag (like "Nick muttered").
The second thing is run-on sentences. It's not like you wrote the story all in one paragraph or without any punctuation at all, nothing as horrible as that. But there are a lot of places where you use commas in place of periods or semi-colons, which leads to run-on sentences. Make sure you put either a period, semi-colon, or comma WITH a conjunction (and, but, or) between every complete thought. For example, you have a couple of run-ons here:
He looked around and saw the usual bar bums, he supposed he could class himself as one of them too. Gone were the expensive clothes, these days he didn’t care about his appearance, not that he was vain back in the old days, but now he would just pull on whatever looked clean.
If I were proofreading for you, I'd edit it to look like this:
He looked around and saw the usual bar bums. He supposed he could class himself as one of them, too. Gone were the expensive clothes; these days, he didn't care about his appearance. Not that he'd been vain back in the old days, but now he would just pull on whatever looked clean.
It may seem minor, but as they say, you never get a second chance to make a first impression, and constant run-ons and punctuation errors make a story harder to read and could be a turn-off to readers who are grammar sticklers. Your story is definitely still readable, and I could probably get past those mistakes, but it would make it look more polished if you corrected those things.
I should also add that I know you're from the UK, and I know that there are slightly different ways of formatting writing over there, compared to the US, so the info I'm giving you is based on what I've been taught and what is acceptable here... take it with a grain of salt if you've been taught differently! I studied abroad in Scotland a few years ago, and we were told to use British style for spelling and formatting, and that was really interesting, trying to edit my papers to fit a different format.
Anyway, I hope that helps!
Ahh girl , I want feedback from you aswell lol, I love your writing so I would REALLY appreciate a oppinion from you |
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Shoot for the moon,
even if you miss it ,
you'll land among the stars.
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mare
Banner hater
Queen of Fanfiction
Supreme Time Waster
Posts: 14433
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« Reply #12 on: March 23, 2009, 05:51:50 PM » |
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Oh ok thxs !
So you mean I should change my summary a bit ?
And about the first chapter. Did you notice any horrible mistakes I made , like spellingwise ?
But thanks for the tip , I appreciate it
Yup, I think the summary is kind of repetitive. For instance, all you'd really have to say is: Nick and I are the best of friends but that's all we ever were, until one day a new girl came into the picture.... etc. As far as mistakes, there are quite a few in the chapter. Some tense changes and grammar. This is what you have: While I was walking I noticed a girl approching me. " Excuse me , Do you mind if I walked with you. ? Im trying to get away from my annoying friend " she laughed. " Yeah ofcourse " I smiled. "Im Destiny by the way " " Hi Destiny , Im Rachel. You must be new ?" "Yes thats right" and I told her it was my first day. Me, being your beta reader: While I was walking, I noticed a girl approaching me. "Excuse me, do you mind if I walk with you? I'm trying to get away from my annoying friend." she laughed. "Yeah, of course." I smiled, "I'm Destiny by the way." "Hi Destiny, I'm Rachel. You must be new." "Yes, that's right. It's my first day." Little things like that. |
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Ah well, there's always next year!
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« Reply #13 on: March 23, 2009, 06:01:43 PM » |
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Yup, I think the summary is kind of repetitive. For instance, all you'd really have to say is: Nick and I are the best of friends but that's all we ever were, until one day a new girl came into the picture.... etc. As far as mistakes, there are quite a few in the chapter. Some tense changes and grammar. This is what you have: While I was walking I noticed a girl approching me. " Excuse me , Do you mind if I walked with you. ? Im trying to get away from my annoying friend " she laughed. " Yeah ofcourse " I smiled. "Im Destiny by the way " " Hi Destiny , Im Rachel. You must be new ?" "Yes thats right" and I told her it was my first day. Me, being your beta reader: While I was walking, I noticed a girl approaching me. "Excuse me, do you mind if I walk with you? I'm trying to get away from my annoying friend." she laughed. "Yeah, of course." I smiled, "I'm Destiny by the way." "Hi Destiny, I'm Rachel. You must be new." "Yes, that's right. It's my first day." Little things like that. alright great. I'll keep that in mind. Thank you so much for the tip. |
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« Last Edit: March 23, 2009, 06:07:18 PM by nicksz-wiifey »
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Shoot for the moon,
even if you miss it ,
you'll land among the stars.
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mare
Banner hater
Queen of Fanfiction
Supreme Time Waster
Posts: 14433
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« Reply #14 on: March 23, 2009, 06:05:07 PM » |
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You're welcome!
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Ah well, there's always next year!
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