Fic Talk > I Challenge You....
Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
Rose:
Casual - impressions by Chapter 3.
So far the story seems to be setting up quite nicely. Now this is a preference thing, the dialogue moves slow for me. I'm a reader who prefers tags after speaking only when necessary so that my eyes can follow the dialogue quickly. But like I said, that's a personal taste thing.
Not sure if the flashback was necessary, immediately after the sex chapter. I mean as a reader, I already know they had sex, and that she enjoyed every minute of it lol. The flashback just repeats the necessary.
I also, doubt a little bit the believability of Quinn not having recognized Nick at all. Any girl who grew up at the time Nick was famous (which would be the case here) would've seen Nick plastered everywhere in the media.
I do think you get across the characters quite well. In two chapters I do have a very definite sense of Quinn and who she is. A lot of writers can't do that, especially in romance. So I'm happy to see that in here. :)
Mellz Bellz:
--- Quote from: Rose on July 21, 2011, 10:29:54 PM ---I'm glad you pointed out the vagueness. Like Julie said, that was actually intentional. This was during our "Lets try to keep it somewhat short phase" LOL. Which...didn't last long LMAO. We wanted people to be wondering...is this them, is this someone else...who is it? Which you're right, isn't like us lol. Hopefully the next episode answers everything, I'm really curious to see if it actually does.
--- End quote ---
Ok good! I wasn't sure if it was just me skimming over something important because I definitely had to reread those parts two or three times. I pretty much knew it was Pearl and AJ but some parts I was thinking "Wait? Is there ANOTHER pair of agents from another agency spying on Nick and Diamond?"
RokofAges75:
--- Quote from: Mellz Bellz on July 21, 2011, 10:23:07 PM ---Finished chapters 4-7 of 00Carter and the episode arc "Idolize Me."
This arc was very entertaining with Nick's mission involving him and his partner Diamond auditioning for an American Idolesque reality TV show in order to stop an enemy from using the TV show as a platform for worldwide destruction. I thought that Julie, Rose, and the rest of the girls did an awesome job parodying Randy, Simon, and Paula down to the tone of their voices. It was also nice to see a little more backstory revealed although I still have plenty of questions.
Some scenes were very vague to the point where I was confused about who exactly were talking in the scenes. I had to read things a few times over and still was not sure if I had gotten it. Julie explained to me though that this was intentional, so I am sure that it will all make sense in the next episode. I knew that was unlike Julie and Rose to leave things so open LOL.
My only Con Crit is that in this episode it is a little less seamless and you can sometimes see where other authors came in. Also I felt that in the audition scenes all of the lyrics were not necessarily needed. I can't wait to read more and clear some of my burning questions up.
--- End quote ---
Thanks for the great feedback, Mel! I'm glad you thought the Global Idol stuff was entertaining. Oddly enough, none of us are very into James Bond either, so even though that's where the concept of the story came from, it's only a loose parody. We've included a lot of pop culture stuff and taken it in our own, random direction LOL.
I totally agree with you on the issue of seamlessness. When I look back on the first two or three episodes, they feel awkward to me, too. I think it's just the downside of trying to write with so many people without having a solid style for the story down yet. We all had different writing styles, and a couple of our authors didn't speak English as a first language, so trying to get it all to flow together was tough. I think the later episodes definitely flow better because we had fewer writers trying to mesh, and we had established the universe and style of the story. I'll be interested to know if you agree once you get further into the story.
I agree on the lyrics too - I reread some of the episode today when I was responding to your reviews, and I definitely found myself skimming through those scenes.
Rose:
--- Quote from: Mellz Bellz on July 21, 2011, 10:42:22 PM ---Ok good! I wasn't sure if it was just me skimming over something important because I definitely had to reread those parts two or three times. I pretty much knew it was Pearl and AJ but some parts I was thinking "Wait? Is there ANOTHER pair of agents from another agency spying on Nick and Diamond?"
--- End quote ---
Nope, not you. Looking back, some of it comes across awkward. But at least it got you asking the right question... :) LOL
Carter-Orange:
I'm up to Chapter 8 of My Mona Lisa now so thought I'd do a review.
Although I do like the story (I love the whole Cinderalla thing), there are quite a few instances of bad grammar. Some of the sentences are written in a way which don't flow or make a lot of sense until you read them back. It's a bit jumpy in places too and you don't always know which character's point of view you are reading from until you get further into the paragraph.
I like that she finally decided to get a life of her own, but couldn't picture her being a party animal for 6 months when she is that shy. I also don't like how her friend Gilbert suddenly turned into an asshole, it should've been more gradual I think. I also think 6 months of being unemployed is a long time for someone who went to New York with the intention of making something of her life.
Good to see she has a possible romance on the cards with the taxi driver though.
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