I loved yours so much, Steph! I was already cracking up when I clicked on it just because the banner, and I kept laughing the whole way through. The dark, angsty, "serious" way you wrote it was what made it so funny - besides the obvious visual of Brian licking Nick's shoes LMAO.
It sounds over the top, but I've watched enough episodes of My Strange Addiction that I wouldn't be at all shocked if there were really people who had this problem LOL.