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[Sakabelle]

I put this in its own topic because it's long!

Anyway, I saw this piece of writing advice/ writing challenge posted on tumblr and thought it was really interesting.

http://inyourdirtiestpants.tumblr.com/post/14166141519/chuck-palahniuk-in-six-seconds-youll-hate-me-but-in

In six seconds, you’ll hate me.
But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.

From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.

The list should also include: Loves and Hates.
And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.

Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”

Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”

Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.

Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’s roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”

In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.

Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.

For example:
“Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”

Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.

If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.

Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.

Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”

Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.

Present each piece of evidence. For example:
“During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”

One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.

For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”

A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”

A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.

Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.

No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”

Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”

Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.

Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.

And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”

For example:
“Ann’s eyes are blue.”

“Ann has blue eyes.”

Versus:

“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”

Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.

And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”

Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.

(…)

For this month’s homework, pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it.

Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless.

“Marty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlight…”

“Nancy recalled the way the wine tasted…”

“Larry knew he was a dead man…”

Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.

Have any of you guys seen this before? It's basically the concept of show don't tell, which I'm sure a lot of us have heard of and try to incorporate into our work. This takes it quite a bit further though (or maybe it doesn't and this is something I should have known lol) but man, I went through the latest chapter I'd written after this and it really opened my eyes to how it could be written better. It's definitely something to think about!

Anyway, I just thought I'd leave it here for discussion.

[Alexsgirl_ritz]

That was really impressive. I'll try it one of these days, and hopefully I can find ways on how to rewrite it. Thanks for posting this!

[Purpura Lipstick]

I try to do this with my writing but sometimes fail miserably.  This was one of the comments Rose have me for CP was to show not tell. At least I am pretty sure it was Rose for CP. Could have been Amanda as she helped edit some story.

[julilly]

That's awesome! I definitely need to try that.

[Carter-Orange]

I could try and give it a go!

[mare]

I was actually going to say, I didn't like the wording in many of those examples LOL

But it is a good idea though! I love exercises like that!

[RokofAges75]

That is interesting.  Can you imagine how much wordier it would make me if I wasn't allowed to use "thought" verbs, though?!  Good lord!  Judging by the examples in the article, every scene would end up being like three times as long!

In theory, it's a good idea.  Show, don't tell is a basic rule for good fiction writing.  That said, I think there's a time and a place for descriptive sentences full of sensory details that reveal something about the setting or characters... and then there are times when it's better to just tell and move on because it's not that important.  I have to admit, I got bored just reading some of those examples, but like Mare said, I don't think they were the best-worded examples of what the writer was trying to illustrate.  Too many commas!  (And I say that as a lover of correctly-used commas.)

I have read stories by authors who take "show, not tell" to the extreme, much like the author of this article, and describe every little thing in great detail, to the point where I can't even tell you what those stories were actually about.  I think the way to "show, not tell" correctly is to pick the IMPORTANT things to show and describe and save the telling for minor details that don't really matter that much.  If you're revealing an important character trait, by all means, show it!  Don't just tell us what your character is like or how they feel about another character.  But I think it's okay to say something like, "Brian hated bologna," in a scene in which Brian is offered a bologna sandwich because, most likely, the point of the scene isn't to show how much Brian hates bologna - it's just one of those little quirks you add to help bring his character to life.  If you went off on a whole tangent in which Brian gags as he looks at the bologna, imagining what kind of leftover animal innards were ground together to make it, you would lose the whole point of the scene.

(While writing this, I just realized I hate how the word "bologna" is spelled as much as I hate bologna itself.  Bologna fails twice!  And now I, as my eyes roam across the first sentence in this parenthetical aside, I see that I used two "thought" verbs - realized and hate - so now I am attempting to show, not tell my feelings about bologna.  Oh crap, I just told you what I was doing again.  I wrinkle my nose and heave a heavy sigh, scratching my head as my fingers hesitate on the keyboard... then I keep typing to stall for time while I try to show what is going through my head without using thought verbs.  Do you see what it would be like if I wrote this way all the time?  I shake my head, wide-eyed, as I imagine scrolling past scene after scene of this overly-descriptive drivel.  Uh oh, I think "imagine" is a thought word.  Oh shit, so is "think."  I give up.)

Anyway, I think you should show most of the time and tell in moderation.  That's my take on it.

[Sakabelle]

I think the way to "show, not tell" correctly is to pick the IMPORTANT things to show and describe and save the telling for minor details that don't really matter that much.

I think this is so true! I was thinking more about this on my way home from work today and thinking about past chapters I'd written where I'd just told stuff instead of shown it. But like you said, there are things that aren't really relevant to the story and might just bore the reader. If nothing else it's an interesting thought experiment. (Hah! See what I did there? I amuse myself way too much.)

Also, LOL at your last paragraph. Amaze!

[RokofAges75]

It definitely made me think (thought verb!) critically about how I could show you all my feelings of frustration over not being able to use thought verbs instead of just telling you I felt frustrated.  Obviously, my example was an exaggeration of what I think the author of the article meant, but instead of saying "don't use these words," he should have said "use them sparingly."  Or "use them only in a way that is not wasting a valuable opportunity to show something important about your characters."

It really would be interesting to see if I could write a whole (short) story without using any of those verbs... I'm honestly not sure I could!  But I do think just the act of trying would make me more aware of when I tend to tell instead of show.  It's a good exercise for writers who want to become more descriptive.

[Purpura Lipstick]

 Julie I thought about that to that if you get rid of thought verbs these story would have a lot of description likely to the point of  me skimming the story

[tiggerc128]

Ooooh this looks challenging... and maybe just what I need!   Thanks for opening my mind a little this lovely Monday morning!!!