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[nicksgal]

Yes!  The timing couldn't be better because I was actually pretty focused and productive today.  Hopefully that can continue tomorrow after my Google Meet LOL.

I believe in you!

[RokofAges75]

I'm going to call myself a solid 7. I just like to torture my characters too much to be be anything less.

I wonder what most people here consider themselves. Do you think overall AC had more fluffy or more dark?

I think AC had a good mix.  I would say most of us who still post here are definitely on the dark side, but in the beginning AC had a lot more romance writers.  Not that all romance is fluffy because obviously it can be dark and filled with drama too, but it doesn't tend to be as dark as other genres.  There also used to be a lot of cutesy stories about BSB kids here.

[RokofAges75]

I believe in you!

Thanks!  It's hard when I have to burst my fanfic bubble and then try to get back into it after school, even if the school day is shorter.  I'm hoping the extra time I have to spend on the computer anyway in case the kids have questions (which they shouldn't because I made it so easy for them!) will help.

[RokofAges75]

Our conversation in Tracy's update thread gave me another idea for a question.

That is true; those years [2006-2012 when Kevin was gone] were when AC was at its peak!  I guess we found solace in fanfic.  I think fanfic is also what helped get through the hiatus between Black & Blue/Chapter 1 and Never Gone.  Other than Nick's solo album, there wasn't much BSB stuff happening, but there were a lot of great fanfics being written.

Looking back on your own experience reading and writing fanfic, were you more active and involved when the Boys were also active, or did you tend to read and write more when there was nothing happening in the real world of BSB?  Why do you think that is?

[nicksgal]

I think AC had a good mix.  I would say most of us who still post here are definitely on the dark side, but in the beginning AC had a lot more romance writers.  Not that all romance is fluffy because obviously it can be dark and filled with drama too, but it doesn't tend to be as dark as other genres.  There also used to be a lot of cutesy stories about BSB kids here.

All fair points. I wonder why it's "team dark" that's stuck around more. Is it just the "harder to write romance about married dudes" issue? I don't think I could write about the kids... Too much.

Thanks!  It's hard when I have to burst my fanfic bubble and then try to get back into it after school, even if the school day is shorter.  I'm hoping the extra time I have to spend on the computer anyway in case the kids have questions (which they shouldn't because I made it so easy for them!) will help.

I mean, if you have to be on the computer anyway, you may as well do something fun while you're waiting for them to have questions. 

[RokofAges75]

All fair points. I wonder why it's "team dark" that's stuck around more. Is it just the "harder to write romance about married dudes" issue? I don't think I could write about the kids... Too much.

Maybe?  Or maybe it's because the more "normal" people who wrote light, fluffy stuff have moved on from the fandom and are either writing other things or not writing at all anymore.  Meanwhile, the weirdos like me are still skulking inside our fanfic bubbles, writing depressing stories about the Backstreet Boys. LOL

[nicksgal]

Our conversation in Tracy's update thread gave me another idea for a question.

We gotta stop having great discussions in Tracy's update thread. lol

That is true; those years were when AC was at its peak!  I guess we found solace in fanfic.  I think fanfic is also what helped get through the hiatus between Black & Blue/Chapter 1 and Never Gone.  Other than Nick's solo album, there wasn't much BSB stuff happening, but there were a lot of great fanfics being written.

They weren't doing things, but they could do things in fanfic! That's probably why: ktbspa by keeping them busy in our hearts.

Looking back on your own experience reading and writing fanfic, were you more active and involved when the Boys were also active, or did you tend to read and write more when there was nothing happening in the real world of BSB?  Why do you think that is?

I want to say that them doing things is inspiring, but then I didn't open any writing after the residency or the first DNA tour concert or even back in 2010 for the TIU tour. But Never Gone was really inspiring and... what was going on in 2006? House of Carters... Nick on DWTS... AJ on DWTS when Nick was on Masked Singer... The perfect storm I needed to come back, really.

I think maybe I feel more drawn to it when they seem omnipresent like the good old days of 90's BSB. Social media isn't quite the same for me even though they're accessible all the time in small pieces.

But then sticking to writing, I think that happened in the times they haven't been busy. Again, maybe it's a way to make them feel omnipresent. I'm not really sure.

[nicksgal]

Maybe?  Or maybe it's because the more "normal" people who wrote light, fluffy stuff have moved on from the fandom and are either writing other things or not writing at all anymore.  Meanwhile, the weirdos like me are still skulking inside our fanfic bubbles, writing depressing stories about the Backstreet Boys. LOL

Did that make me more "normal" while I was gone because I "moved on"? Perish the thought! Team Dark forever! You're not skulking, you're thriving -- a Team Dark Queen!

[RokofAges75]

They weren't doing things, but they could do things in fanfic! That's probably why: ktbspa by keeping them busy in our hearts.

I want to say that them doing things is inspiring, but then I didn't open any writing after the residency or the first DNA tour concert or even back in 2010 for the TIU tour. But Never Gone was really inspiring and... what was going on in 2006? House of Carters... Nick on DWTS... AJ on DWTS when Nick was on Masked Singer... The perfect storm I needed to come back, really.

I think maybe I feel more drawn to it when they seem omnipresent like the good old days of 90's BSB. Social media isn't quite the same for me even though they're accessible all the time in small pieces.

But then sticking to writing, I think that happened in the times they haven't been busy. Again, maybe it's a way to make them feel omnipresent. I'm not really sure.

That all makes sense!

Personally, I think my level of involvement with fanfic and the fandom in general has more to do with what's going on in my personal life than what's going on with the Boys.  There are only a couple of times when I've taken an extended break from writing.  The first was when I was getting my master's, fall of 2013 to summer of 2016.  I still wrote and updated during that time, but I was only really productive during winter and summer break, and then I would go weeks or even months without writing or updating while I was busy with work and class.

The second time was a shorter hiatus in 2018.  My laptop died like a day into the new year, which derailed me because it made it much less convenient to write.  Then my cat died unexpectedly a few days later, which absolutely destroyed me because my pets are like my babies.  I don't think I wrote much of anything until summer.  By then, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" had come out, and that got me inspired to try my third attempt at starting the story that would become A Heart That Isn't Mine.  Weirdly enough, what really got me going on that one was my grandpa dying in November of that year.  I decided to channel my grief into writing the most depressing, depraved thing I have ever written, and it worked!  But I didn't stat posting that story until 2019.  The only thing I posted in 2018 was a sneak peek of My Brother's Keeper (which I then promptly stopped working on until a week ago LOL) and a death for 1000 Ways to Kill Nick Carter.

As far as the Boys go, I have written through good times and bad.  The pre-Never Gone hiatus was the Broken era for me, which is one of my personal favorite eras of fanfic.  The summer Kevin left was in the middle of the BMS era, and then this forum and 00Carter came about, so that was a good time for fanfic too.  But then I also was super productive during the summer of sadness, 2010, when the This is Us tour was in full swing, and the Boys had been really busy releasing two albums two years apart.  So I guess it doesn't really matter what they're doing; I'll write either way if I have the time and am in the right state of mind to do it.

[RokofAges75]

Did that make me more "normal" while I was gone because I "moved on"? Perish the thought! Team Dark forever! You're not skulking, you're thriving -- a Team Dark Queen!

LOL Probably!  Welcome back to the land of the fanfic freaks!  I embrace my weirdness the way I embrace my darkness.

[nicksgal]

That all makes sense!

Personally, I think my level of involvement with fanfic and the fandom in general has more to do with what's going on in my personal life than what's going on with the Boys.  There are only a couple of times when I've taken an extended break from writing.  The first was when I was getting my master's, fall of 2013 to summer of 2016.  I still wrote and updated during that time, but I was only really productive during winter and summer break, and then I would go weeks or even months without writing or updating while I was busy with work and class.

The second time was a shorter hiatus in 2018.  My laptop died like a day into the new year, which derailed me because it made it much less convenient to write.  Then my cat died unexpectedly a few days later, which absolutely destroyed me because my pets are like my babies.  I don't think I wrote much of anything until summer.  By then, "Don't Go Breaking My Heart" had come out, and that got me inspired to try my third attempt at starting the story that would become A Heart That Isn't Mine.  Weirdly enough, what really got me going on that one was my grandpa dying in November of that year.  I decided to channel my grief into writing the most depressing, depraved thing I have ever written, and it worked!  But I didn't stat posting that story until 2019.  The only thing I posted in 2018 was a sneak peek of My Brother's Keeper (which I then promptly stopped working on until a week ago LOL) and a death for 1000 Ways to Kill Nick Carter.

As far as the Boys go, I have written through good times and bad.  The pre-Never Gone hiatus was the Broken era for me, which is one of my personal favorite eras of fanfic.  The summer Kevin left was in the middle of the BMS era, and then this forum and 00Carter came about, so that was a good time for fanfic too.  But then I also was super productive during the summer of sadness, 2010, when the This is Us tour was in full swing, and the Boys had been really busy releasing two albums two years apart.  So I guess it doesn't really matter what they're doing; I'll write either way if I have the time and am in the right state of mind to do it.

I think this all makes sense too! I actually did have a tiny bit of inspiration in 2013 from IAWLT, but that's also when I started my licensure program, so I did pretty much nothing except practicum and student teaching during that time. Had I not been doing that... who knows? Maybe I would have come back. I always wonder what my fanfic life history would have been if I had been around for all that.

2018 seems like a perfect storm for you, but a real motivator for creativity. Do you find that writing goes better when you have a lot of emotions to channel into it or the opposite?

Pre-Never Gone was fun for fanfic. So was Kevin's hiatus. Maybe over the years, we banded together more when they weren't busy.

LOL Probably!  Welcome back to the land of the fanfic freaks!  I embrace my weirdness the way I embrace my darkness.

Man, what did you all think I was doing while I was away? haha I won't lie to you, I definitely did a search for my name out of morbid curiosity and didn't find a whole lot. You make this sound like a terrible thing, just say "welcome home." 

[RokofAges75]

I think this all makes sense too! I actually did have a tiny bit of inspiration in 2013 from IAWLT, but that's also when I started my licensure program, so I did pretty much nothing except practicum and student teaching during that time. Had I not been doing that... who knows? Maybe I would have come back. I always wonder what my fanfic life history would have been if I had been around for all that.

The summer of 2013 was very inspiring!  I wrote a lot that summer, right before I started my master's program.  And actually, the idea for the story I'm writing right now came from IAWLT. 

I think the only reason I managed to write through student teaching and my first year of teaching was because I was in the middle of BMS.  I always managed to stay inspired and make time for Broken Nick and Claire.  Also, social media wasn't as big of a time suck back then.  I had Facebook and maybe MySpace, but it was pre-Twitter.  I waste a lot of time on Twitter LOL.

2018 seems like a perfect storm for you, but a real motivator for creativity. Do you find that writing goes better when you have a lot of emotions to channel into it or the opposite?

It was probably the hardest year of my life, but yeah, I guess some good came out of it.  Ever since I got back on track at the end of that year, I've been plugging away and updating pretty consistently.

I think it goes both ways.  Stress from being busy and having too much on my plate makes it harder for me to write, but I'm better at channeling emotions like grief that come out of situations I can't really do anything about and just need a distraction from.  I once wrote a novel about one of the Boys dealing with a terminal cancer diagnosis, and halfway through that story, a coworker of mine was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  That was the first time I'd ever had to deal with something like that in real life and also the first time one of my stories hit too close to home.  I wasn't sure if I was going to keep writing my story or step away from it for awhile, but I ended up continuing it as planned, and I think it actually helped me deal with my own feelings.  The timing of it was really weird though; she passed away literally a day after I posted the last chapter of that story.  But it's one of my favorite things I've ever written, so in that case, I think my emotions worked in my favor.

How about you?  Do you find yourself channeling your emotions or drawing on real life experiences when writing?  (Anyone can answer this.)

[nicksgal]

The summer of 2013 was very inspiring!  I wrote a lot that summer, right before I started my master's program.  And actually, the idea for the story I'm writing right now came from IAWLT. 

I think the only reason I managed to write through student teaching and my first year of teaching was because I was in the middle of BMS.  I always managed to stay inspired and make time for Broken Nick and Claire.  Also, social media wasn't as big of a time suck back then.  I had Facebook and maybe MySpace, but it was pre-Twitter.  I waste a lot of time on Twitter LOL.

I'm always impressed that you're able to come back to things after so long. I guess we all do come back to the things that truly inspire us, but I feel like you consistently eventually finish everything you start.

I found the inspiration to sleep and get really sick once during student teaching. But I also did the thing they tell you not to do and worked full time to pay my bills in addition to student teaching. I'm glad you had Nick and Claire to keep you going then. Instagram is my time waster, but I still only look at it about once a week.

It was probably the hardest year of my life, but yeah, I guess some good came out of it.  Ever since I got back on track at the end of that year, I've been plugging away and updating pretty consistently.

I think it goes both ways.  Stress from being busy and having too much on my plate makes it harder for me to write, but I'm better at channeling emotions like grief that come out of situations I can't really do anything about and just need a distraction from.  I once wrote a novel about one of the Boys dealing with a terminal cancer diagnosis, and halfway through that story, a coworker of mine was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  That was the first time I'd ever had to deal with something like that in real life and also the first time one of my stories hit too close to home.  I wasn't sure if I was going to keep writing my story or step away from it for awhile, but I ended up continuing it as planned, and I think it actually helped me deal with my own feelings.  The timing of it was really weird though; she passed away literally a day after I posted the last chapter of that story.  But it's one of my favorite things I've ever written, so in that case, I think my emotions worked in my favor.

How about you?  Do you find yourself channeling your emotions or drawing on real life experiences when writing?  (Anyone can answer this.)

I'm glad that you were able to channel all of that into some sort of outlet even though it was a hard year. The timing of all of your story and your co-worker is really weird, but I'm glad it gave you a place to work through your emotions. Writing is like personal therapy in a way. I know I've written many things as different ways to deal with things I was processing, but I usually end up abandoning all of those. I don't know that I've ever trudged through on any of those ones.

I guess this past year was one of a lot of anxiety over a million things and having an anxious Nick trudging through his life has given me a place to discuss anxiety even if it's not mine. Not that anyone's gotten to read most of those chapters quite yet. Maybe that's why the others didn't stick as much, they were too specific with "this is my exact worry" and less like "I feel kind of anxious right now, you wanna be neurotically anxious about things, Nick? Great."

[RokofAges75]

I'm always impressed that you're able to come back to things after so long. I guess we all do come back to the things that truly inspire us, but I feel like you consistently eventually finish everything you start.

LOL Says you, who came back to the PBox series after all these years.  But you're right; we all come back to the things that truly inspire us.  In my case, I also just take so long to finish stories that it feels natural for me to tackle an idea I've been sitting on for years.  I spent 2013-2017 working mostly on one novel, so by the time I finished it, I had all these other ideas waiting for me.  Other than Bethlehem, I've spent the past few years slowly plugging away at them.  I do finish most of what I start, or at least most of what I get far enough on to post (with a few exceptions).

I found the inspiration to sleep and get really sick once during student teaching. But I also did the thing they tell you not to do and worked full time to pay my bills in addition to student teaching. I'm glad you had Nick and Claire to keep you going then. Instagram is my time waster, but I still only look at it about once a week.

I can't imagine working full time while student teaching.  That sounds so stressful!  I definitely wouldn't have been able to write if I had done that.

I only follow the Boys and some of their family members and a few other celebrities on Instagram, and I never post there, so it's not too bad.  Twitter and Facebook are worse for me.  I compartmentali ze my social media, so I use Twitter for fandom stuff and Facebook for personal stuff and real life friends and family.  Which one I spend more time on depends on if I'm in my BSB bubble or real world mode LOL.

Writing is like personal therapy in a way. I know I've written many things as different ways to deal with things I was processing, but I usually end up abandoning all of those. I don't know that I've ever trudged through on any of those ones.

I guess this past year was one of a lot of anxiety over a million things and having an anxious Nick trudging through his life has given me a place to discuss anxiety even if it's not mine. Not that anyone's gotten to read most of those chapters quite yet. Maybe that's why the others didn't stick as much, they were too specific with "this is my exact worry" and less like "I feel kind of anxious right now, you wanna be neurotically anxious about things, Nick? Great."

Writing is definitely therapeutic.  It's interesting that you've abandoned most of the projects you started to help you process things, but that makes sense that maybe they were too specific.

I don't really write a lot of personal stuff.  I probably would have never chosen to start writing another cancer story if my friend's diagnosis had come first, but since I was already halfway through it, I was able to keep writing it.  My stories usually involve situations I hope to never go through, not situations I've actually been through.  But I do think they help me deal with my relatively mundane real life problems by reminding me that things could always be much worse LOL.

This past year was the perfect time to get back into writing because with the pandemic, many of us had more free time at home than we were used to, and writing helped us to fill that time and mentally escape from all the real world drama.  It's a good way to deal with anxiety.

[nicksgal]

LOL Says you, who came back to the PBox series after all these years.  But you're right; we all come back to the things that truly inspire us.  In my case, I also just take so long to finish stories that it feels natural for me to tackle an idea I've been sitting on for years.  I spent 2013-2017 working mostly on one novel, so by the time I finished it, I had all these other ideas waiting for me.  Other than Bethlehem, I've spent the past few years slowly plugging away at them.  I do finish most of what I start, or at least most of what I get far enough on to post (with a few exceptions).

I have admitted that I've only truly cared about three of my individual writing projects!   Truthfully, I was probably just waiting for inspiration to stick in order to finish the juggernaut that is PBox et al; it just happened to be a decade after I wrote the first one. What I envy is your consistency and your commitment to working on only one project, then still being inspired enough to go back to the other ideas you had while working on that project. It was harder back in the day than it is now. I have a few ideas (as you know), but it's still a little difficult to commit to sitting them down and telling them it's not their turn yet. Or it would be, except PNecklace is being driven by plucky Nick and he's shouting "IT'S MY TURN, GET OUT OF THE WAY!" haha.

I can't imagine working full time while student teaching.  That sounds so stressful!  I definitely wouldn't have been able to write if I had done that.

I only follow the Boys and some of their family members and a few other celebrities on Instagram, and I never post there, so it's not too bad.  Twitter and Facebook are worse for me.  I compartmentali ze my social media, so I use Twitter for fandom stuff and Facebook for personal stuff and real life friends and family.  Which one I spend more time on depends on if I'm in my BSB bubble or real world mode LOL.

Well, I'm glad you didn't because that's when we became friends!  

How is it compartmentali zing your social media? I feel like it's easier to be more anonymous on twitter than instagram. Everything I have, I'm just me.

Writing is definitely therapeutic.  It's interesting that you've abandoned most of the projects you started to help you process things, but that makes sense that maybe they were too specific.

I don't really write a lot of personal stuff.  I probably would have never chosen to start writing another cancer story if my friend's diagnosis had come first, but since I was already halfway through it, I was able to keep writing it.  My stories usually involve situations I hope to never go through, not situations I've actually been through.  But I do think they help me deal with my relatively mundane real life problems by reminding me that things could always be much worse LOL.

This past year was the perfect time to get back into writing because with the pandemic, many of us had more free time at home than we were used to, and writing helped us to fill that time and mentally escape from all the real world drama.  It's a good way to deal with anxiety.

I even started trying to write them down as OF when it didn't seem like BSB fanfic was the right avenue. And even those didn't stick! That's part of why I started writing Beta Sigma Beta; I thought, maybe if I step out of me for all this and tell college from Nick's POV, I'll actually be able to unjumble it. Who knows, maybe I would have.  

I know you said you weren't going to write another cancer story. Is having experienced it a little more personally part of the reason? I think that "things could always be worse" is what drives enjoyment of media. We're over here like, "Yeah, my only friend right now is my dog, but at least I'm not dying and eating my friend's heart!"

It's really been the best outlet. It gave me something to do besides binge watching tv to escape (except during 31 Nights of Halloween, I will always binge watch tv for that). And the mental stimulation makes me feel productive even though I'm just sitting at a computer. I feel less worried over all compared to the "oh well, what else terrible could happen this year.. everything..." feeling that I was at when AJ first popped up on TV. Then I was like, "Well, this all still sucks, but at least AJ is on TV." And then Nick. "Oh, AJ and Nick! This is helping." And then PBox Nick slides in and says, "Heeeeyyyy..." But I've discussed that already, haha.