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Favorite excerpt(s) you've written?

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Chaos:
It's a lot harder to do this than I thought it'd be! lol. It's hard to find clips that work out of context without them being too long or without them giving away too much of a story. I found in the case of "Frackenstein" or "Major Inconveniences" that there really wasn't a spot in either fic that stood out to me enough to say "I'm really proud of this" and yet I love so many of the quotes and images I threw into them. Re-reading over some of my short-fics looking for excerpts, I've decided, though, that I really need to start going back to some of my old roots in humor writing.

Okay, so some clips...

Context, from Ground Zero: Nick is facing a press-conference following his escape from a kidnapping in which he was missing for 6 days. He's just received a threatening phone call, and he's more than a little freaked out.


--- Quote ---
I closed my eyes and concentrated on breathing and keeping myself calm while everyone in the room got settled. I still hadn't really figured out what exactly I was going to say, and it was unnerving to know that no matter what came out of my mouth it was going to be broadcast on live television. No editing to make me look better. If Kevin had come to the conference he'd probably be sweating bullets worrying that I was going to say something really stupid like I usually end up doing. There's another reason I should have had Wendy wake him when I'd had the chance. I imagined him sitting in the chair down at the other end of the table all tense and fretting over what disastrous comments would come out of my mouth. Is it wrong that I almost started laughing at that image?

Finally the room quieted and I knew that everyone was waiting for me to say something.

Showtime!

I opened my eyes and found that all eyes were, indeed, on me. I could do this. It was just like any other performance, I tried to convince myself. I'd gone onstage several times when I'd been sick as a dog and ready to pass out from exhaustion; I'd gone onstage several times when I'd been extremely pissed off after an argument with one of the guys, one of my parents, or my ex-girlfriend-who-shall-remain-nameless. Once in the spotlight, none of that can matter. The trick is to keep smiling and leave all other concerns completely behind. Can't let anyone see what's really going on behind-the-scenes, so to speak. The cool and completely (or at least mostly) in control stage persona takes over and Nickolas Carter the individual with worries and insecurities ceases to exist until the show is over.

With that in mind, I flashed the best smile I could and gave a little wave to the room. "After that little scene I bet y'all are wondering what I'm gonna do for an encore," I started out. There were a few genuine chuckles and a lot of polite laughs. Tough crowd. Gotta loosen 'em up a bit. That's usually AJ's job, though. Then again it usually doesn't take a whole lot because everyone's usually really riled up anyway.

Note to self: make sure next press conference starts with a few strategically staged explosions.
--- End quote ---


--- Quote ---
Okay, maybe I was getting a little cocky hiding behind my stage attitude, but it was working for me.

At least it was until the lights went out.

Welcome back to reality, Nickolas Carter.

I've always hated the dark. Always. Scary things lurk where you can't see them. You can't see them until suddenly they're right there ready for the kill. You don't even know what form the evil will take until it's on you. And having an overactive imagination makes it all that much worse because when you hear a noise instead of thinking things like "oh, hey, there's my hamster running in it's squeaky little wheel thing again" you think of stuff like "oh, hey, there's a squeaky evil beastie thing attacking my hamster." I'm not saying the thoughts are rational, I'm just saying how it is, you know?
--- End quote ---

Why I chose these clips:

I'm not entirely sure why this scene stands out to me. Part of it, I think, is that while it's a serious scene and Nick's suffering from PTSD and is generally freaked out, he never loses his "character" of being kind of goofy. It also provided what I thout was essential to what could have otherwise been an incredibly over-angsty fic--the comic relief. From watching interviews with the guys around that time, I always was struck by some of the things that would pop out of Nick's mouth (lol) and just kind of imagined what it would probably be like to know what was actually going through his head.

The other excerpt I have is way too long, but it's seriously probably my favorite scene from any fic I've written and I just couldn't cut it down. lol.


--- Quote ---
Besides, a nice long hot shower sounded really nice.

And it was. At least it was right up until I remembered that the door had swollen during my quick shower the afternoon before.

I bolted from the shower and lunged for the door. To my horror it was completely stuck. It wouldn't budge even a little. I pulled at it for several minutes, trying to get the door open, but it wasn't making any bit of difference. It was just as stuck as it had been when I'd first gotten out of the shower. Of course, it probably didn't help that the hot water was still running and filling the room with still more steam.

The damage was already done, but I dove for the knobs and tried to shut the water off. Except the knob for the hot water came off in my hand.

Damn! I tried to snap it back into place, but the pin had actually broken off. I hadn't even pulled it that hard! I had to find a way to shut off the water. And quick. I didn't have my watch on as I'd left it out in the other room, but by my estimation I had only about an hour to get to my interview at the comic shop.

I had to think. Just a little problem solving. What do I do when I have a problem that needs solving? I stop and think what anyone with half-a-brain would think. What would Willow do? She was always good at coming up with ingenious plans with limited resources. Okay, the trick would be to think like Willow.

I quickly scoured the room for something that could help me. Soap. Two towels. Complementary packets of shampoo and conditioner. Little plastic drinking cups. Nothing!

I tried to grab the pin to turn it using my bare hands, but it was too hot and I couldn't get a grasp. I grabbed the towel off the rack and wrapped my hand so that maybe could get a hold if I could use the towel to absorb the heat. Unfortunately it was no good. When I was able to get the towel thick enough to absorb the heat, it became too thick to get a hold of the small pin.

I stared at the pin, hoping that it would somehow give me another idea. There was a very slight notch in the side of the pin. Maybe there was something that I could wedge into the notch and use as kind of a lever or something to turn the pin and shut the water off. But what could I possibly use?

I stepped back and looked around again. It was getting really hot in the room. It didn't help that the lights were those high-wattage ones that let off a lot of heat. And the switch was on the other side of the door. I threw the wet towel into the tub and grabbed the dry one. Using that, I unscrewed the bulbs. It didn't help with the steam, but at least it wasn't quite as hot. One small problem solved. Two major problems to go.

I pulled open the drawer in hopes that someone may have left behind something useful. Fingernail clippers! I snatched them up and hurried back over to the shower. I snapped the fingernail file arm out of the clippers and slid it into the notch. It fit snugly. I was really getting somewhere! Now all I had to do was turn it…

I screamed in frustration as the fingernail file bent. It was too weak to budge the pin. Damn it! Wait. There was merit in screaming. "HEEEEELLLLLPPP P!" I screamed, hoping that the walls of the hotel were thin enough that someone would be able to hear me. I began pounding on the walls and on the door and bellowing.

Unfortunately, it seemed that someone had spared no expense in the hotel walls. I spent a good twenty minutes screaming myself silly before I finally accepted that either no one could hear me or no one was willing to help me. And I'd pre-paid for an entire month's rent. At which point the woman had indicated that if I requested maid service I should call the front desk. There was absolutely no one who would come looking for me. Maybe Jim-Bob or Billy-Joe, but somehow I suspected that they would probably just assume that I'd found a way to get out of town or something.

I still had half an hour to get out and still make it to my interview. It wasn't a total write off…yet.

There had to be something I could do! If I could find something to use to pry the door open…obviously the fingernail file would be way too weak. I glanced around the room again. The towel rack. Metal. I grabbed hold of the rack and pulled as hard as I could, yanking it off the wall. HAH! Take that!

Okay, so now I had a broken towel rack.

Okay, I had a broken towel rack, a wet towel, a dry towel, soap, shampoo…wait a moment. It was a long shot, but it was worth a try. I slid the metal bar out of the brackets of the towel rack. Then I just needed to flatten the end of it somehow. I tested the strength of it. It didn't feel like it would be too hard to bend. I needed something to help me do so I looked around the small bathroom again. Perfect!

I held the bar upright with the tip at the edge of the open drawer. Okay, one…two…SLAM! The end of the bar crumpled. HA! Now I had a pry bar!

I tried to wedge the pry bar between the frame and the door. I just wasn't going to happen. There was absolutely no leeway. And trying was only bending the tip of the bar.

I flattened it in the drawer again. Maybe I could use it to pop the pins out of the hinges and just take the door off.

After about fifteen minutes attempting to do that I realized that it was futile. On closer inspection I noticed that the bolts were actually welded to the door. Apparently the hotel didn't want anyone stealing their doors.

There had to be a way out and I needed to find it soon. I was still roasting even with the lights out. Maybe I'd luck out and the hotel would run out of hot water. It had been running full blast for over forty minutes. Of course I could imagine that it being a hotel, they'd have to have a pretty big reserve. Please let the reserve run out soon! Of course even then I'd still have to wait for the swelling to go down before I'd be able to budge the door. At this rate there was absolutely no way I would get to the interview on time even if I were able to just walk out of the bathroom. Damn it! Maybe they wouldn't be mad if I were only a couple minutes late. There had to be a way to get the door to open!

My mind began racing again. There had to be something I hadn't thought of yet. I've had to get out of tight spots before…That was it! Once when we were little I'd gotten my head stuck between two rungs of the Rosenberg's staircase. They'd used soap to make the banister rungs slick. Okay, so maybe I could make the door a little bit slick. Except there was no way to get at it at all with soap.

I grabbed the packet of shampoo. Perfect. I ripped open the packet and began pouring the contents down the edge of the door and watched as it rolled down, collecting in a puddle on the floor.

I slid to the ground, laughing and not really knowing why. I should be crying and tearing my hair out.

I could imagine the headline already: Naked Man Wrecks Hotel Bathroom, Starves to Death.

--- End quote ---

Why I love this scene: Okay, my goal for this scene was to do somewhat of a parody of MacGuyver. LOL. I also love it because I took a very silly premise (being trapped in a bathroom) and wrote it into this major "angst" scene (yes it's supposed to be funny, but I thought part of the humor here was that it was so seemingly traumatic and it's a scene that seems like it's trying to take itself way too seriously lol). Overall this whole fic ("Well Maybe One Power" is one of very few that I absolutely love how it turned out...though apparently my readers disagreed, I got almost no feedback, so I suspect it's not as good as I thought, but...I still love it and am proud of it.)

shrinkingviolet:
Wow, everyone else's excerpts are so good, I really need to go do some major reading... But that will have to wait until this head cold has cleared. But here are a couple of my favorite excerpts... Keep in mind that these were chosen when the chooser was under the effects of sinus meds and two sick children, so... Yeah

This is from the Prologue of Drowning Yourself, which is an AJ-centric fic that I'm blocked on *sporks writer's block*. It's one of my favorites because it's the closest I've ever written to my own experiences. Also I feel that sometimes he still has that temptation. (has some strong language)


--- Quote ---The door clicked shut behind her and he fell to his knees, burying his face in his hands.

He couldn't understand the pain. Why was it so fucking hard? He hadn't imagined that even now, over two years later, it would still be so hard to keep from giving in. Every day was a struggle. He could feel himself being pulled in so many different directions, despite the promises from management that it wouldn't happen. Appearances, shows, signings, meet and greets. He loved it all. It was part of who he was. But sometimes he just wanted to crawl in the bed and pull the covers over him and sleep until it was all over.
--- End quote ---

This is from the first chapter of Your Biggest Fan, which I really love to write on but, alas, I'm currently blocked on that as well. I just love this part because not many fics (in my opinion) show Nick as an egotistical jerk, and it is so fun to write him this way. (it's a tad long, sorry and it has some strong language)


--- Quote ---Simplicity was not in Nick Carter's vocabulary. It never had been; at least, not since coming into fame and fortune. Fast cars, expensive clothing, elaborate houses. Women as well. The faster, more expensive and elaborate the better, in his opinion. What was the point of being world famous and rich if he settled for someone beneath him? That was the question he posed to his band mate and friend, AJ McLean, as they relaxed after a filling meal in Los Angeles' most exclusive restaurant. Nick was slowly sipping his imported beer--the best on the market--eyeing his friend over the rim of his glass. His friend returned his level gaze, reaching for his coffee.

Nick was rather proud of the older man for succeeding where he had failed. Not once since his relapse more than three years before had he even mentioned wanting a drink. And, despite his numerous promises and assurances to friends, Nick himself was rarely without alcohol. He was certain that, if he truly wanted to and had the reasons AJ had, he could quit.

AJ pondered Nick's question as he finished his coffee. Surely the man wasn't that superficial. Yeah, right, he thought, rolling his eyes when Nick motioned for the waiter to bring more beer. His friend had surely never been accused of settling.

"Is it settling if you're in love?" he asked after a moment. The haughtily raised eyebrow in response was all he needed. The stupid motherfucker didn't believe in love?

"Love," Nick snorted derisively, shaking a cigarette from the pack on the table. "That's just something some ugly women came up with. Pity the poor fuckers who fall for that." Resting his elbows on the table, he shrugged as he lit the cigarette with a hefty silver lighter. "All women are good for is a good fuck. If you gotta say a few words or buy some useless shit to get the pants off and the legs spread, why not?"
--- End quote ---

Nijntje:
I'm scared to now that I've read these excerpts.. They are SO amazingly well written!!

Chaos:

--- Quote from: Nijntje on December 29, 2006, 12:48:35 PM ---I'm scared to now that I've read these excerpts.. They are SO amazingly well written!!

--- End quote ---

Awww! Thanks (I'm sure from all of us who've posted ;) ) Don't be scared to post your own though; I'm sure they're great!

honey:
Ok wow geez. I had no idea how hard it would be to pick!!!! Well the first one is from "Not You Average Cinderella Story". That title is purely a place holder until I come up with the real one. This is my most recent venture and my first attempt at first person. It's also a lot darker than anything I've ever written before. I was nervous about it at first but I have been pleasantly surprised with the outcome.

sorry, the language in this one is terrible but I've sorta bleeped it for you...

--- Quote ---Hours later I was sitting in a hard plastic chair in a waiting room and my ass was starting to go numb. I couldn’t figure out what the hell was taking so long. My mom was pretty banged up but she wasn’t dying, at least I hope not. I don’t know, maybe it felt like longer than it was. I was there all by myself with nothing but my thoughts to entertain me and God knows there were plenty of them.

As always I blamed myself for what happened to my mom. Funny how that always works. Dad beats the s*** out of mom. I defend her and get pretty banged up in the process. Then dad nearly kills her and somehow it’s all my fault. I bet a shrink would have a field day with that logic.

I should have known though. I should have known that daddy wouldn’t spend more than one night in jail. He never does. And I sure as s*** should have known that he would be angry. I should have been there last night. Of coarse the man was going to beat her up when he couldn’t find me, that’s what he does. And Mom’s f****** helpless.

I felt like s***. Guilty as f***, because where the hell was I while mom was being raped and beaten to the near end of her life? I was getting piss drunk and sleeping with an ass-grabbing rich boy, cursing the very woman I was now praying would be all right. I really hate that I’m so f****** stupid sometimes. Runs in the family I guess.

When I just couldn’t sit anymore I wandered down to the cafeteria to find some coffee. Cream, but no sugar, just in case you’re wondering. I’m not really a big fan of anything sweet. Like Howie. He seemed like the sweetest man I’ve ever met. That’s probably why I ended up leaving him by the elevator and sleeping with Nick instead. He didn’t seem nearly as sweet. What the hell is wrong with me? Now I’m comparing Howie to coffee?

I have issues. Chuck was right, I have a weird thing for city boys. I’ve been a f****** mess ever since they showed up. In fact I’m thinking about them so much it’s like I am actually hearing their voices now. “Cindy? Is that you? What are you doing here?”

You know, the scary thing is, that I actually answered him before I knew he was really behind me. “I was actually thinking about taking a trip up to the psyche ward, and you?” I said rather sarcastically thinking I was really losing mind.

“Um, visiting my mom actually. Are you all right?”

I laughed a little to myself when I turned around and saw Brian staring at me as if I were losing it. Hell, maybe I was. “Yeah, I just, it’s been a long day.”

“Care to join me? I’ve had a long day myself.”

How could I resist such a smile? Brian and I began wandering the halls of the hospital until we found an empty sofa. Yeah, a chair with actual cushions! “So is your mom ok?” I asked hoping to keep the subject off of me as long as possible.
--- End quote ---


The second one is from "Welcom To My Heart". I don't know that the writing itself is all that special (probably none of my writing is) but I am really proud of the story. It seems to be my most popular one as well. It was hard to pick any one spot from it. I finally chose this one because I thought it might help all you non-romance readers see that there can still be many different sides to a romance. ;D

in the scene they're talking about Kelly's first major run-in with the paparazzi.


--- Quote ---Kelly woke up when the flight attendants came around with lunch. Her stomach churned and although she hadn’t eaten a thing all day she still just picked at her plate uninterested. “I know its airplane food,” Brian whispered, “But don’t you think you should try and eat something?”
Kelly wrinkled her nose. “I can’t eat when I’m really stressed. She replied.
“Why are you so stressed?”  AJ asked butting into the conversation. “The worst of its over.”
“For now.” Kelly said, “But what about tomorrow? And the day after, and every day after that?”
“It won’t be so bad.” Nick encouraged.
“Yeah! And he should know!” AJ laughed receiving the middle finger from Nick.
“Maybe now is a good time to figure out what we want to tell people.” Brian suggested.
“What is there to say?” Kelly asked.
“Well for starters do we actually want to say that you’re my girlfriend?”
Kelly held up the magazine, “I think they’ve figured that one out already.” she said sarcastically.
“Ok then, what do we tell them about your husband?”
Kelly looked up surprised by the question. “Nothing.” She replied harshly, “I don’t see why anyone needs to know my life story. I don’t want my husband’s memory smeared all over the tabloids.”
Brian, Nick and AJ were all surprised at how quickly Kelly’s mood changed. This was obviously going to be a touchy subject for her, and with just cause, but unfortunately it was a subject that couldn’t be ignored and the guys knew it. They looked at each other and Brian knew he had to be the one to say it. “I know it’s hard, but we’re going to have to say something about it.” He said delicately.
“Why?” Kelly said still sounding defensive.
“Because of the kids.”
Kelly looked at Brian confused. He didn’t know how else to put it so AJ came to his rescue. “When people realize you have kids they will wonder who and where the father is. It’s best just to explain it up front rather than let them speculate.”
“Not to mention you still wear that rock.” Nick said a little more casually referring to Kelly’s wedding ring.
Kelly’s hostility turned into sadness as she realized that they had a point. She began to mindlessly twist the ring on her finger as she drifted off into memories. Brian and AJ glared at Nick thinking that he’d upset Kelly but she just sighed and forced a smile. “You’re right. Maybe it’s time to take it off.” She said sadly and slipped the ring off her finger.
The guys watched her curiously while she studied her bare hand. A single tear fell down her cheek as she placed the ring safely in her purse. She took a deep breath and rubbed her hands together as if they were in pain. She looked up at her friends for support and immediately she had the arms of three of her closest friends wrapped around her. “We made a Kelly sandwich.” Nick said childishly.
The boys all giggled and then squeezed even tighter. When they let go Kelly smiled a thank you. “Are you sure you’re ok with that?” Brian asked
Kelly sighed again. “I’ve been meaning to for a while now I just never had the strength to do it.” She grabbed Brian’s hand and smiled shyly, “But if I really am going to do this then I need to do it all the way. It’s time to put the past behind me and let the future have a chance.”
Kelly smiled nervously and Brian gave her a reassuring kiss that she was making the right decision. “This will all work out.” He said.
Kelly took one last calming breath and blushed as her friends stared at her. AJ smiled sweetly at her and said, “How did Brian get so lucky?”
Brian smiled proudly but Kelly only blushed more. “Really.” AJ continued, “You two almost make me want to find a woman and settle down.”
Nick shuddered, “Not me.” He joked, “You guys make me sick.”
Kelly finally laughed and smiled playfully at AJ as she said, “We’ll have to find someone for you next then.”
“I got dibbs on her sister.” Nick said.
AJ’s face perked up. “You have a sister?”
Kelly laughed, “Two of them actually.”
“I get the younger one. She’s so hot!” Nick said again.
“You get no such thing mister!” Kelly replied making Nick frown. “We’ve been through this before. No way am I letting you anywhere near my sister. I know you too well and she’s too sweet a girl.”
--- End quote ---


Well there you have it... (holds breath nervously) I know it's not exactly the whole story but I'd still be curious to hear what ya'll think...

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