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[MellzBellz]

I'm not sure what's been up with me lately, but in the last few months I've become more and more dissatisfied with my writing. I really have no reason to be. I've started my sequel to UMS which I've been really extremely excited about for a long time and it has a lot of potential, but I haven't been getting the same thrill from writing as I usually get. Lately I've been extremely unconfident in my writing, almost to the point of being paranoid. I feel like I've lost readers (at least ones who always reviewed haven't been reviewing yet they still review other stories) and even though I get a lot of encouraging feedback I'm always wanting more. I know... That sounds pretty selfish especially because I get a lot more feedback than a lot of other writers do so I REALLY don't mean to sound spoiled. To those of you who have worked on sequels, have you found by the 2nd story that readers disapear? Is it normal for me to feel this way?

I guess another reason I'm having doubts is as of right now my friendships with a lot of other writers have kind of fell apart. Part of the fun of writing was having friends I could discuss fics with and lately I don't feel like I have that. It's like I have very lil inspiration.

I am kind of struggling through a very tough personal time which has got me pretty down to say the least. I won't bore you with details, but basically I'm pretty depressed and I think its taking its toll on my writing.

Do any of you ever feel this way? Like you should just pack it in and stop writing? Or do you think I'm just overreacting? Have any of you ever went through something like this?

[julilly]

I feel like that a lot actually. I'm pretty frustrated right now with my writing to the point that I have written and trashed the next chapter for my ongoing fic three times now. I've even quit in the past, and took two years off of writing it was almost as if it just faded away for me but then I realized I missed it, and came back to it. I think you may just need to give it some time.

[honey]

aww. Mel, I think we've all been there.  I know I've been there several times and I've only been writing fanfic for about 2 years. Honestly I think feeling that way is just part of the process. Especially if you're having a rough time in your life. Our feelings are often mixed in with our writing experiences. At least mine are. I know when I'm depressed I get a hundred times more self conscious about my writing and I just can't seem to make myself want to do it anymore. If you're that stressed about it, then maybe its not such a bad idea to hang it up for a while. You can always come back to it later if you want to, but there;s no need in making yourself feel worse ya know? I myself have been debating continuing with fan fic and it was really stressing me out to a point that I just couldn't write anything. So I finally decided that I was only going to finish the two stories I'm excited about finishing and then just stick with the original stuff. Once I told myself it was ok to drop the stories that had me stressed, I felt a million times better and am enjoying the two stories I am working on. The writing HAS to be for you, because you enjoy it, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy. 

And as for your friendships falling apart around here, are you sure that's what's happening? I don't mean this in a bad way at all, because I love ya, but it seems you've distanced yourself and not the other way around. We've hardly seen you around here at all in a long time and I know I miss you. I'll bet others do too.

Good luck Mel, with whatever you decide! I hope you feel better soon! And even if you do decide to quit writing, I hope you still stick around and chat with us every now and then. 

[MellzBellz]

Thanks for the advice Kelly and Julilly! Maybe your right. Maybe I need sometime to myself to take a break and write at a slower pace. I don't know if I'll commit to a complete clean break because I don't know if I can do that right now. Maybe I'll still work on my fics just not post right away. Or maybe I'll take your suggestion Kelly and fool around with some original fiction which would be totally alien to me. I'm trying to take a step back and maybe look at some writing excercises to get myself excited about writing again. I also have took breaks from writing, but I was never as serious about it as I was now. One of the last reasons I stopped writing a few years ago was partly because of backstabbing and political stuff which I haven't really experienced much this time around.

Or maybe it just is my mood. It's REALLY hard to write romance when you're depressed and thinking "Wow I'm 24 and not a man in sight." A lot of people have commented that my stories are too depressing for their taste and I notice the trend has switched to happier, more upbeat romances.  I'd love to write that way, but I'm just not in a place in my life where I can right now.

And I miss you girls too! I admit I have been distant from this forum lately. Partly because of being super busy, working all the time, but also partly because I've just felt like an outsider. I wish that I was just paranoid about friendships falling apart, but I know I'm definitely not in at least one or two cases which as partly my fault too I admit. Just since then writing has kind of left a sour taste in my mouth. Thanks for the encouragement though and we'll see what happens... I'm hoping I'm just in a mood and it'll blow over in a few days.

[mare]

Mel I totally feel the same exact way which is why i'm stopping once i'm done with my two novel length stories. It's just not fun for me anymore. It feels like homework instead of fun and I do feel like people aren't as interested like they used to be. I'm sure i'll come back to it eventually but I need to feel that excitment again.

I am pretty sure like Kelly said, that this is something that everyone goes through from time to time.

Maybe if you step away from it for a little while, things will become clearer for you or maybe step away from fanfic and write something else to see if that helps. I'm sure what you're going through now probably isn't helping you to think clearly either.

Either way, best of luck and know that you aren't alone.

[julilly]

Writing and not posting it is also helpful. I have a different fic I work on that no one has ever seen (maybe will never see) when I am stuck. That way you don't feel pressure to have to meet a personal deadline you can just write what you want when you want.

And don't feel depressed, the romance in your life sounds a little bit like my own... my fics are also a little on the down side. Some people have said I'm afraid of happy endings, that's why I shy away from the romance genre.

We're always happy to see you around, don't be afraid to just pop in for a hello and we'll all be here!

[honey]

Writing and not posting it is also helpful. I have a different fic I work on that no one has ever seen (maybe will never see) when I am stuck. That way you don't feel pressure to have to meet a personal deadline you can just write what you want when you want.

And don't feel depressed, the romance in your life sounds a little bit like my own... my fics are also a little on the down side. Some people have said I'm afraid of happy endings, that's why I shy away from the romance genre.

We're always happy to see you around, don't be afraid to just pop in for a hello and we'll all be here!

ooo. that is totally a good idea. I have this story that I've always wanted to write, but it's completely crazy and I think people might think I'm psycho if they saw it. (which I am just so you all know hehe) but I let my friend read everything I write wether I post it or not and a secret indulgence where I can just go crazy and have fun might be just what I need right now.  lol I think I might just do that.

[RokofAges75]

Mel, I know how you feel.  The same thing happened with BMS.  I think I probably PUSHED some readers away because I kept saying at the beginning that it was going to be way more of a romance than Broken was, so if you don't like romance, don't feel obligated to read it.  And so, a lot of people who had given me feedback every time I updated Broken didn't read it LOL.  So I did lose quite a few regulars, but at the same time, a lot stuck with me too, and I've also gotten a lot of new readers.  The vast majority of my regular reviewers now are not people who sent me reviews when I was writing Broken.  It's interesting how the readership changes.

I don't feel at all desperate for feedback because I get a lot more than I ever used to get, and I'm grateful.  I did go through a period earlier in BMS where I felt like I was making decisions and writing stuff the readers didn't like, and one in particular who had been one of my most complimentary reviewers turned into my biggest critic.  I felt like I had let people down, and for awhile, I was kind of paranoid, like you said.  Looking back, I think it was probably a good experience, though, because I eventually just toughened up to the criticism and stopped caring what other people thought.  Not that I don't care about getting feedback, 'cause I definitely do appreciate it and like getting it, but it doesn't make or break me.  I write what I want because I like writing, and if other people like it, great, and if they don't, they don't have to read it.  I know that SOMEONE is bound to like what I write, even if not everyone does, and that's enough.

I know what you mean about losing writer friends too.  A lot of my closest online friends have kind of moved on with their lives over the last few years, and I hardly ever talk to them anymore, which is sad, because we used to talk every day.  It sucks when they lose interest in Bsb and/or fanfic because that was the common thread that led to our friendship.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way, and I hope things get better, in your personal life and online!

[nicksgal]

Welcome to the last six months of my life. lol I think when you really step away from it though, it helps a lot and it really helps put things back in perspective for you.

I'd say more, but everyone else already said it so beautifully that me talking won't do anything. lol

I do miss you though, and I still like you.

[Purpura Lipstick]

Do I EVER feel that way.  I've completely stopped writing the sequel to MTT which I was gung ho about when I first started it, now I think it's stupid and could care less if I ever finish that one.  DOV: Antigone I started out by posting a chapter like every other day, now I find myself struggling to start the 7th chapter.
I really really really want to write my story Aphrodite's Laughter but I've started the first chapter like 7 times and tossed them all out.

The friends thing I totally understand too, I've been too busy with Jackson lately to get much online time and that severely hinders my writing and my friendships.  I don't know you that well but I do notice when you aren't here and wonder what's going on with you :-D

Then when I get comments from people predicting my story really early, it is upsetting, especially when you are trying to keep stuff a mystery.. makes me feel like I really suck at writing and shouldn't bother anymore.

[Rose]

Awww Mel! *huggles* I will say this, I noticed a reader drop when G&G came around, but to be honest, you gotta write for you. if it's not fun, don't force it. Write the story YOU want to tell, not the one readers want out of you. I got a slump with G&G for awhile, which is why I started Rehab. Sometimes a new story or a new project can help renew your writing love. I know that now I'm delving back to G&G, partly cause JAD is featured, and partly cause the time away helped me refresh it up a bit.

I hope that ramble there helps.

[LenniluvsBrian]

I've noticed readers disappearing - don't matter what site I'm on - this one or fanfiction.net . And lately, on here, I'm posting & updating stories that are already finished & posted elsewhere or are just plain old finished & need to be posted. I sorta stopped working on the news one I had going, & some of the ones that need updating aren't finished yet & prolly won't be for a long while. I think for me, personally, it's partly because I got really excited about two of my stories, & then reviewers fell through - nobody was really reading them, or they were, but the last few times I've updated no one's reviewed. I mean, you don't wanna complain about people reviewing 'cause people do get busy & have lives, but when not even one person reviews the last like three or so chapters, it does get kinda frustrating & not so fun anymore.

~Lenni~

[nicksgal]

The same thing happens to me; the last two times I've updated PBox, I haven't had any reactions to it. The chapter before the most recent one got reviews a few weeks after I updated, but the newest update has nothing at all.... So I worry about whether the story is good or not.

[Teri]

Well I have to say I've totally been there. Quite often as well. I'll get huge inspiration streaks and then nothing for a while and I'll get completely frustrated and be like "UGH!" and then when I can't talk to my fic friends online or otherwise I tend to get even worse. What's even worse is when you don't get much of a response to one of your chapters. I've had that and sometimes it's really all in WHEN you post your chapter. And it's different for every writer. Like for mine, if I post on a weekday by 10am or so by that night I'll have a pretty good response. But like the weekend...pfft lucky to get like 1 or 2 reviews. Another thing that can easily get ya down is the personal stuff going on in your life. Like you've told me hon you're going through a lot and you just need time to adjust is all. You'll make it through it.

[julilly]

The same thing happens to me; the last two times I've updated PBox, I haven't had any reactions to it. The chapter before the most recent one got reviews a few weeks after I updated, but the newest update has nothing at all.... So I worry about whether the story is good or not.

I must be a freak because I never want to check my reviews. I have to make an honest to god effort to go and reply to them to make people feel like I read them when I don't really want to. I've had a whole story that only had two or three reviews out of 21 chapters but it didn't really bug me... like I said.. a freak