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Fic Talk => Featured Story of the Month => Topic started by: mare on October 01, 2008, 04:38:07 PM

Title: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: mare on October 01, 2008, 04:38:07 PM
Howdy folks!

Of course because it's October I had to go with a horror/suspense story and i'm hoping by featuring this one, maybe Reb will actually update.

This is a very suspensful story based on the show Fear that used to be on MTV.

Don't forget to come in here and ask Reb questions and to comment on the story as you read.

here's the link: http://absolutechaos.net/viewstory.php?sid=8556

Enjoy!

Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: mare on October 01, 2008, 04:38:39 PM
Here's a survey for you to fill out! lol

1) Tell us one thing about your story that no one else knows?

2) How long did it take you to write this entire story?

3) Give us a summary different from the one you have posted on AC, with a few more spoilers to make people tune in.

4) If you could cast this story as a movie who would play the main roles and why?

5) Have you ever thought of giving up on the story and if you did what made you continue to work on it?

6) What was your writing process? (Outline, make it up as you go along, the characters wrote it, I am Tonja and plagerized lol)

7) Who was your favorite character in this story and why?

8 ) You had to know this was coming, who was your least favorite?

9) Are all the boys in this one? If not why did you choose to exclude them?

10) If we like this story...then we'd love what story? (Could be by you or someone else) and obviously tell us why lol
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: alota_cookin on October 01, 2008, 05:57:13 PM
WHOOOOOOOOOOT! Yay, Rebby!  :D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Sakabelle on October 01, 2008, 06:04:15 PM
Congrats, Reb!  I've been meaning to check this one out, so now I have the perfect excuse! :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_on
Post by: honey on October 01, 2008, 06:53:16 PM
aww, yay Reb! This one I've actually been meaning to read, so I'll give it a shot.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: cabybakes on October 01, 2008, 08:19:06 PM
Congrats, Rebby!  I haven't read this one yet either...now I guess I will have to :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 02, 2008, 12:45:12 AM
 :o

Aww, what the hell?! This TOTALLY took me by shock, lmao. Wow. This is friggin' awesome!! What a cool birthday gift, lol. My birthday is October 9. ;D But um, thanks again ya'll and I'll get to answering questions.

It's funny how I realized this because I was in Kristal's thread and she said she updated Protection in honor of my story being the featured story of the month, lmao.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 02, 2008, 01:22:16 AM
^ LMAO, you are a dork Rupert, but I think that's why we all heart you so much. At least you weren't as much of a dufus as I was when I realized I was featured for July. I stared at it on the main page for several minutes and still didn't realize that I was featured.  ::) But yeah, totally, rock on dude! I'm flippin' psyched to see SP featured and hopefully this will prompt you and give your muse the inspiration to crank out an update, since according to Mommy Mare, every featured author cranks out at least one update during their month. LoL

*sits in comfy plush chair, takes a drink of whatever the Hell it is talk show hosts have in their mugs on the table in front of them, crosses one leg over the other, clasps hands together, ends this rediculously long run-on description, and looks at you seriously* So, PR, tell us...within the murky depths of the supernaturally mysterious paranormal that makes your novel "Satan's Playground" as great and attention grabbing as it is, can you give us a little insight into how you chose the parts that each character holds? Was Kevin fun to possess? And speaking of possessing, one question every reader is dying to know...is there a possessing in the future for our loveable-nothing wrong ever happens to-Brian? *smiles innocently and shoves a microphone in your face that appeared out of nowhere*
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 02, 2008, 04:52:05 AM
1) Tell us one thing about your story that no one else knows?
One thing about this story that no one else knows? Hmm... I guess the fact that this story has been in the works for years now. Lets just say that I first started writing this story when I was like... 12 or something, and I'm 18, turning 19 in a few days. I felt the beginning part was highly unrealistic and thought my immature writing shone through like crazy (I mean, I did get the Witch Trial period wrong, lol.) but I was too lazy to go back and improve it, so I let it stay and just decided to have my writing improve as the years went on.

2) How long did it take you to write this entire story?
Well, seeing that I'm not done with it, actually nowhere near being done (I think), like I said this story has been in the works for quite some time. This story was an off and on project, and it took me forever to grow some imaginary balls I don't have and post it on the net for the world to see. I first posted it over at Vaffel.com.

3) Give us a summary different from the one you have posted on AC, with a few more spoilers to make people tune in.
Ugh... I'm sooo not good at summaries. Okay, lemme try.
All five Backstreet Boys are sent to a haunted location. Nick is the damsal in distress who always finds himself in peril; Brian is the religious bible thumping brother who tries to suppress his fear; AJ is the bad ass that's willing to take on anyone, even ghosts; Howie, being the sweet guy he is, tries to find out how people died and try to help them rest in peace; Kevin is possessed. This all goes down on Satan's Playground. Read to find out more...
Totally kidding. Okay, here's my real crappy attempt at a second summary.
"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows"
~ Japanese Proverb

They agreed to leave everything they knew behind and enter a part of the world where the restless departed still lived on. They agreed to be documented as they all faced their fears by playing with life and the living dead. They agreed not to scream, but 'fear' had changed the game. Welcome to Satan's Playground.
Told you I suck at writing summaries. :P

4) If you could cast this story as a movie who would play the main roles and why?
Hmm... the cast would probably be...
Kevin Richardson - Christian Bale (because everyone insists they have a resemblence, and Christian was in Batman. ;))
Howie Dorough - Antonio Banderas (because he was the first that popped up when I googled "spanish actors")
Brian Littrell - Sean William Scott (for some reason I always think of Brian when I see him, and we need a comedian to keep it light)
AJ McLean - Mark Wahlberg or Robert Downey Jr. (because they're both sexy as hell and sooo freaking bad/kick ass!!)
Nick Carter - Aaron Carter (what can I say? Aaron's beginning to remind me of Nick!) Nah... maybe Leonard DiCaprio. ;)

5) Have you ever thought of giving up on the story and if you did what made you continue to work on it?
I haven't really thought about giving it up, because it was one of my first stories that I wrote at a young age and this was the first story I wrote so young and actually fell in love with. I have threatened to delete it/discontinue it though, lol *glaces at Ash*. Actually, there was this one time where I wanted to discontinue it because I was just frustrated with the fact that I had no idea where the hell I was taking this story, but after receiving encouraging reviews from people (both from vaffel and absolutechaos), it drove me to continue and helped me to realize just because I don't have an idea right now as to where I want to take the story doesn't mean an idea won't come to me sometime later down the road. I remember having the "discontinue" chat with someone, lol. I was surprised even with the childish sounding beginning (I personally think the beginning part of the story is ridiculous and childish, lol.) people were still getting a kick outta reading it and enjoying it and actually getting a bit SCARED. That seriously took me by surprise because I seriously didn't think I could captivate 'fear' in words and actually have people a bit scared, so that was really cool.

6) What was your writing process? (Outline, make it up as you go along, the characters wrote it, I am Tonja and plagerized lol)
My writing process... well, besides being inspired by the MTV show, "Fear", I basically made up everything as I went along, lol. I didn't have a set outline as to what would happen and how it would happen (I never do have that kind of... organization system when I write my stories) I just grabbed my pen, and with the inspiration in mind, I started to write and just went wherever my mind took me. I can definitely say that it wasn't really me writing it, but at the same time it wasn't really my characters. Okay, what I just said did not make ANY sense, lmao.

7) Who was your favorite character in this story and why?
My favorite character in this story would be... probably Kevin. Yes, the possessed one, lmao. The reason I say this is because he's totally looked at as the leader of the pack, the one everyone turns to when something goes wrong, the one everyone can depend on, the one that seems to hold himself so well and could possibly face fear without wavering or whatever. But after he was possessed by that spirit, everything changed and he just turned into this horrible person that no one could depend on, no one could turn to, no one could stand being around, and no one no longer knew him. Kevin was experiencing a bit of... Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde. Anywho, the reason why he's my fave is because even though this demonic possession that's taking his body over, the real him is at this inner battle with the demon and is willing to do whatever he can to protect his brothers, I mean, he did beg his cousin to off him. Oops, I spoiled that, didn't I?! LOL. But yah, he's at this great battle with vulnerability, weakness, himself, the demon possessing him, etc... and it's nice to shine some light on Richardson from time to time and breaking him away from his stereotypical titles.

8 ) You had to know this was coming, who was your least favorite?
My least would have to be George Pelowski, and that's simply because of all the hell he's putting the boys through (mostly Kevin).

9) Are all the boys in this one? If not why did you choose to exclude them?
All the boys are in my story, and I prefer writing my stories with ALL the boys in them... makes it better, haha!!

10) If we like this story...then we'd love what story? (Could be by you or someone else) and obviously tell us why lol
Fan Friction by honey - Ashley (MonkeyAbu) left me a review one day, saying I have a twisted mind and after reading Fan Friction, I realize that twisted minds isn't such a bad thing after all, lol.
Breaking The Unbreakable by starbeamz2 - Simply because I LOVE what I read so far and I would love to read another update, lol.
Phantasm by a whole bunch of authors - I gotta admit, this story is creepy and twisted, lol.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 02, 2008, 05:02:27 AM
^ LMAO, you are a dork Rupert, but I think that's why we all heart you so much. At least you weren't as much of a dufus as I was when I realized I was featured for July. I stared at it on the main page for several minutes and still didn't realize that I was featured.  ::) But yeah, totally, rock on dude! I'm flippin' psyched to see SP featured and hopefully this will prompt you and give your muse the inspiration to crank out an update, since according to Mommy Mare, every featured author cranks out at least one update during their month. LoL

*sits in comfy plush chair, takes a drink of whatever the Hell it is talk show hosts have in their mugs on the table in front of them, crosses one leg over the other, clasps hands together, ends this rediculously long run-on description, and looks at you seriously* So, PR, tell us...within the murky depths of the supernaturally mysterious paranormal that makes your novel "Satan's Playground" as great and attention grabbing as it is, can you give us a little insight into how you chose the parts that each character holds? Was Kevin fun to possess? And speaking of possessing, one question every reader is dying to know...is there a possessing in the future for our loveable-nothing wrong ever happens to-Brian? *smiles innocently and shoves a microphone in your face that appeared out of nowhere*

LOL @ the way you found out. Wow. I guess I don't feel so bad anymore afterall. :P I owe it to some people *stares at you Ash* to crank out a lot of updates, so that I'll do. :)

As for your question... characters' roles and Kevin's possession and future possessing Brian. Normally, when I write a story, I don't have much of a planned thought behind it. I kinda just jump into the story, jump into writing and whatever happens, happens. People have stumbled across a lot of inaccuracies in this story, but hey it's because it's from my twisted mind, haha. I wanted to portray AJ as the guy that kinda steps in and takes charge because of Kevin being possessed, I wanted Howie to just follow along silently (we shun the poor guy out too much, haha), Brian's another follower who isn't really spending his time preaching about how wrong it is to be going ghost hunting and waking the dead, Nick's the big baby and Kevin's possessed. Lol. Kidding. But um, Nick is heavily sporadic in this story, where he's gung-ho about a mission one minute, scared shitless the next, an emotional wreck an hour later... and Kevin, I wanted to take away his "big brother" and leader role. The whole possessing Kevin part, that totally was NOT me and my decision... that was the character that kinda stepped in and took over writing and it just so happened George wanted to go after Kevin for some reason. *shrugs* And will George go after Brian? Who knows. People were wondering if Howie was possessed, and at the time they thought that he really wasn't, but it gave me some ideas. There's always pros and cons to things, and my writing style is no exception. The con would be the fact that I'll start a story because I have ideas flying outta my ass, and then all of a sudden roll to a stop because I don't know where the hell I wanted to take the story and there was no organized plan behind it. The pro would be that I can always change the direction of my story without it interferring my original plan, because hey, I had NO ORIGINAL PLAN!! Hahaha.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 02, 2008, 11:39:20 PM
*runs in* DOES NOBODY WANT TO TALK TO ME?!? ;D *runs out*
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 02, 2008, 11:57:02 PM
LoL, this was only your second day...don't sound the alarm yet, Rupert.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 03, 2008, 03:05:31 AM
I wanna make everyday count!! Lol. Speaking of which, I'm getting tatted tomorrow. ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: DaniGiggles on October 03, 2008, 03:26:07 AM
Soooooo I just left you a review but I figured I should come on here and comment anyway! First off all, congrats for getting this story featured. It's a great idea to have a scary story for October... whoop!

I flippin love scary stuff, so I took a little gander at your story and I was done in a little over an hour. I LOVE this story! Totally creeps me out, but it's awesome. I wrote a scary story back in the day and I got a lot of feedback but just like you, I had no real direction, so I ended up abandoning it :( I hope to God that you don't do that though lol  :P You seem to sneak in new chapters every couple months or so. Hopefully this will spark some ideas??? *wishful thinking/crosses fingers*

I could really see your writing style change through the chapters which is actually pretty damn cool. You've progressed so much as a writer. It's funny cause I noticed the Witch Hunt thing with the 1960s and I was sitting here going "Ummm... typo?" but I ignored it cause hell, we all make mistakes lol and the fact that you wrote that when you were 12 just impresses me anyway cause it's very creative. The last couple of chapters really show off your writing skills however and you're very talented!

To say the least, I'm hooked! I hope you update soon.

I find it hard sometimes with writers block cause sometimes I get on a streak where I can't stop writing and then all of a sudden I'm stuck and it's a chore to write. I have to force myself to do it. I always expect ideas to just come to me, and sometimes they do, it's just frustrating that it takes so long lol. Do you have any ideas brewing at all?

I totally just wrote a novel! lol Yay. Congrats again!!!  ;D

P.S. I love who you'd cast for the movie. That would be a pretty interesting flick with all them fine gentlemen  ;)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: alota_cookin on October 03, 2008, 02:35:03 PM
Okay...I'm, admittedly, one of those dorks that has only read the first 2 or 3 chapters, of this. But, you know what, Rupert? Since I heart you so, and since it's Halloween month...I am going to try reading the whole thing tonight!!! Oh yeah...then who will be buggin who for an update! MUAH HA HA HA HAAAAA!  :D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MellzBellz on October 03, 2008, 04:25:04 PM
Congrats Reb! I know I definitely read a lot of this, if not all you have posted, but I am prolly going to have to refresh my memory a bit before I comment much more on it.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 03, 2008, 05:34:57 PM
Deep in your memory you must look to answer my next question. Think back to when you first started SP...when you were 12, right? What made you decide to write chapter 1 the way you did? Connect with your inner child Rupert. ;)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: mare on October 05, 2008, 09:52:27 AM
Hrmm Ashley is asking you really good questions which is making my job a lot easier lol

But i'll ask you this one, and i'm sorry if it's been aksed already but I didn't see it.

Have you changed your mind in the direction the story has taken since you started? For instance did you always intend for Kevin to get all posessed and stuff? lmao or was it maybe someone else like Howie and then you said, "Kevin looks more evil than Howie so I shall make him the bad guy!"

Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Teri on October 05, 2008, 11:46:41 AM
So I've not gotten the chance to read it yet, I plan to later today while my dad is at the game. I will be commenting as I read sounds like a great fic!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_on
Post by: honey on October 05, 2008, 01:36:10 PM
aww, I started chapter one, and I think it's off to a great start. I'm looking forward to reading the rest!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: nicksgal on October 05, 2008, 03:31:27 PM
Congratulations! :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 05, 2008, 10:51:32 PM
Dani: Aww, thanks for the sweet comment girly!! As for idea brewing in my head... to be honest, there's too many ideas that's brewing. There's so many ways I can approach the next chapter and my mind just won't hurry the hell up and settle on one that'll work best for the story, lol. I clearly visualize how the chapter will go, and if I feel it won't work, I'll normally scratch that idea altogether or try to enhance it somehow. Before my computer crashed, I had a whole freaking chapter typed up and ready to be posted, but thanks to procrastinatio n and the suckiness of my computer, I lost it. :( Lol. But maybe it was a sign for me to approach the chapter in a different way. I actually have the story pulled up right now and I'm trying to sort through all the ideas that's floating around in my mind, lol.

Shaniqua: Haha, well you can't really bug me for anything because I don't think this genre is your liking... I think. LOL.

Mel: Haha. You were one of my first reviewers when I came onto AC (with Incomplete and all that jazz) and you leave some of the best reviews. I'll have to admit, I lost a lot of readers along the way due to my inability to regularly update my stories and post up a bunch of stories that are incomplete. :( Lol. But this story seems to be in demand which makes me even determined to update and finish this story!! Thanks hun!! ;D

Ash: *sits in a meditating stance* OOOOHHHMMM... I am one with my inner child... I think. Lol. Um... what made me decide to write the prologue the way I did... hmm... I believe I was in writing class when I first started this story or something, and I had noticed that I had this pattern of jumping right into a story when I wrote it, there was no prologue, no back story, no nothing. My mind's always been twisted so I thought it would have been a cool approach to write a little back story, give a little insight into the history of "Satan's Playground". Where I was born and raised, there were a lot of ghost stories that circulated around, stories that dated back to when my parents were children or whatever, and I just remember them telling us those stories and I'd always paint this mental picture in my head whenever they told us their scary experiences. Anywho... I decided the back story to be like that, in a sense where I tell one of the many stories that deals with Satan's Playground, and my intent was to just change up my writing style a bit and I've come to realize that it kind of worked best for the story. I hope I made sense with answering this question, lol.

Mare: Haha, good question! Um... the whole possessing of Kevin thing was totally not me. I mean, I kinda had an idea to possess one of the boys, and the whole thought behind that kind of came from Amityville (sp?) Horror. As for how Kevin was selected to be possessed, that was totally George's idea, I think he liked the idea of possessing the "father figure" of the bunch. I'm speaking on behalf of the character, but I think he wanted to manifest in the one that's the strongest of them all, he knows that Kevin is the protector of the group and normally whatever Kevin says, goes, but with the way he's controlling Kevin is all wrong. Kevin is completely bipolar in this story, and the guys have caught on to that and know that something's wrong, so it'll be hard for George to do much of what he's intending to do. As for if I had changed the direction of this story, I have and honestly it keeps changing, which I feel is kind of bad, lmao. My mind is a complete mess with all my stories, and I'm always and forever changing something, lol. People are wondering if any of the other guys are going to be possessed, and all I can say is who knows... my mind is always and forever changing the story somehow, and I think it's because I'm abusing the fact that there's no set idea to how the story will exactly go. I need to better organize myself when it comes to writing, lmao.

Teri: Thank you sooo much hun!!  :-* Ya know, some things aren't everybody's cup of tea, but if you find the time to read it I hope you enjoy it. :)

Kelly: Hehe, loved your review btw!! ;D As you continue to read, ignore all the mistakes. ;) Lol.

Dee: Thank you!! ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 06, 2008, 12:10:27 AM
Hrmm Ashley is asking you really good questions which is making my job a lot easier lol

I'm having fun asking questions. I should have started doing this before...ya know...to help ya out...LoL.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 06, 2008, 12:20:36 AM
Another question:

If you could change one thing about your story so far, what would it be and why? Other then the first chapter, since we already covered the fact that you say you don't like how you wrote the first chapter. LoL.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 06, 2008, 03:32:07 AM
One thing I could change about the story? Hmm... the fact that the characters don't really seem consistent. I think it's kind of important when you go into a story to have a set idea as to who your characters are; who they are in the beginning of the story and how whatever happens affect and changes them. Someone pointed out that they were a bit shocked to see that AJ was all "gung-ho" and heroic when he normally comes across as the type of guy that's like "Um... screw this." Lol. At the time, in my young naive mind I wanted to shine the light on AJ and have him be the hero, but I didn't describe how he became the guy to take on everything and try to be the hero. My thought was just like "Hmm... well, wanted to change AJ up a bit and not make him so predictable" or whatever. But I really don't like how my characters seem inconsistent.

I love answering questions. :D Thanks Ash!!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Kentuckychickrk on October 06, 2008, 03:15:38 PM
Congrats Reb!
I've been out of town for an entire week and I feel so out of the loop... I've heard a lot about this story but hadn't gotten around to reading it yet.  This will be a good time to do so!  I look forward to getting started  ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 06, 2008, 07:06:50 PM
^Aww, thanks hun!! Hope you like it. :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 06, 2008, 11:32:58 PM
In case anyone wants to know, I've progressed well with an update and I'm hoping to post it by tonight or tomorrow, PROMISE!! ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_on
Post by: honey on October 07, 2008, 12:01:11 AM
Hey! Ok, SO I finally caught up...  (Ok, I say finally, but aside from reading chapter one the other night, I read it all in one sitting.)


First of all for me to finish anything at all these days, that means I found it highly entertaining, and I find myself joining the club that awaits the updates. (which I noticed don't come that often missy... *taps foot expectantly*)

I absolutely adore the premiss of this story! The idea of Satan having his own little spot on this Earth where he can control and torment people, and where spirits have control of the land... Creepy and exciting all that the same time.

I was also highly amused by the thought of the reality show sucking the guys into the story. I've never seen FEAR once, so I don't really know how the game works, but you do a great job of setting it all up and explaining what's going on for those of us who are unfamiliar with it.

You also have some fun banter between all the guys here and there and I liked that you made some of them really gung-ho and some of them pissed about having to be there. HAHA that management agreed to it without even asking their permission. Sucks to be at the mercy of a Label.

All that being said, I do have some critiques/thoughts that came to mind as I read the story. If you'd like the feedback, I'm more than willing to share. I hope I didn't scare you, i just know that I've given people "feedback" before and it's not always appreciated. It's nothing bad, of course, and honestly, I don't really know what I'm doing any more than you, but just thought I'd make sure you're interested before leaving "feedback" along with my review.


Over-all, this is a very unique, creative, creepy story with some really awesome, creative paranormal ideas. And I'd definitely recommend people check it out! Very well done Reb! I liked it and am looking forward to reading more.



Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 12:06:44 AM
I'm open to any and all critiques/feedback. :D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_on
Post by: honey on October 07, 2008, 12:43:38 AM
Ok, so I read through all the questions (I was waiting until after I'd read the story to read this thread so I wouldn't have any spoilers) and first of all, thanks for the shout out to Fan Friction.  :-*

Secondly, I noticed you mentioned that your characters seem inconsistent, and that was actually one of my critiques. I agree with you about that. I don't think it really hinders the story too much, but I did notice and kind of go, "wait, what? but why?" to myself.

Another thing I felt as I was reading was that the story seems to be all on the surface. You are really great at telling the story. Explaining what is going on, creating tense moments, placing us in the scene... but beyond what is happening right now, the story lacks depth. The characters all seem very flat.

Please don't hate me, I say this all with love!!! It's just that I see so much potential here and while I enjoyed the story, it didn't just pull me in and make me salivate for more. But I totally think you are capable of that.

I would love to see you explore the situations you create and explore the characters a lot more. These guys are going through some crazy stuff. I would love to read their reactions to it all, hear their thoughts about what they just witnessed. I would love to see you flesh it out with that they are all thinking, and how they are all feeling about what's happening. Maybe even struggle with each other as they question each other's sanity. Address the fact that they are scared, and yet they keep going back...

I think your best "character moment" in the story was when Kevin was about to kill Brian. He showed confusion and remorse and fear. I felt sympathy for him. You've also touched it a little bit with Nick being afraid, but I would just love to see so much more. If he's that scared, why does he let them go back? Why doesn't he try to stop them? And all of them have seen things that are supposed to be not possible. They're all seeing ghosts, doesn't this concern them? It was kind of like they all just seemed to except the fact that ghosts are real.

That's just me though. I'm so character driven. I want to feel the emotion behind a story. I think if you added just a little bit more inner struggle/emotion from everyone you would really up the stakes in this story and the impact would be all that much better. Instead of scaring people, you'd have them tearing up and pissing in their pants.  ;) )

The last thing, was the grammar. Some of the repeated mistakes throughout the story made me wonder if English wasn't your first language. Now, I know that you said you started this when you were 12, and heaven only knows what I wrote like when I was 12, so I understand that one. I also don't blame you for not wanting to go back and change it, but I will admit, I found it highly distracting as I read. I did notice it got a little better in the later chapters, so I can see that you're working on it, so good for you!

just one thing though... this is the one I noticed the most throughout the story and it drove me freaking crazy...   he didn't "seen" it, he "SAW" it.  He saw a dark figure... He didn't seen a dark figure...  lol, sorry. I'm really not a grammar nazi, but that one really did start to get to me, you did it a lot.



OK, I hope I didn't just ramble away without making any sense. Honestly, it's a good story! I hope I didn't offend at all, that definitely wasn't my intention! I heart you and your story Reb!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 01:33:53 AM
Haha. Nothing was taken into offense or personal Kelly, believe me. I have looked at my story from an outside point of view, and even that left me like "Wtf?!" Lol. As for the whole character thing, I totally know what you mean that it lacks depth. I spent far too much time on setting up the plot and describing the scene that I kind of placed the characters on the back burner, and in actuality, that's the most important part of the story. The characters are the ones that are telling the story, and you can't neglect them like that. I'm at a point where I'm still learning and even then I'm looking back and I'm like "Gee, what the hell was I thinking writing this stuff the way I had?!" Lol. But I totally see what you mean with my characters seeming flat. In one of my other stories, I did just that where I delved into the psyche of each one of my characters and that indeed made all the more difference. This is a story I want to work till the end, but in the near future review and possibly rewrite the whole thing, with all these critiques/feedback in mind.

Another thing I agree with is the fact that it doesn't seem like a story to just pull people in and drive them crazy for more. To be honest, I was actually shocked to see how much attention this story was getting, and I seriously think it was based on the creativity factor and how original it seems. Other than that, I thought "how could people possibly like this story?" and I don't mean to always down talk this story, I mean, if people didn't think it had potential like you said, it wouldn't have been nominated and selected to be a featured story of the month. But the fact that I started this story at a young age and it's still progressing over years and I'm continuing to grow and learn more and more about writing, it's completely leaving me like "Damn. Wtf?" Lol.

I'm known to not take criticism so well because my mind is quick to make it a personal thing, but I have truly grown and learned that criticism is to help make a person better so I'm proud to say that I'm at a point where I love any and all critiques when it comes to my work. :) I noticed you kept apologizing and reassuring me, but hun, I took all your advice into consideration and it's all helping me to become a better writer, so really, thank you for all this. I mean, you took time out of your life to read my story and even took time out to type up a long critique, and you must be crazy if you think I'm gonna bypass that with anger and take your criticism personal, haha. It's all outta love and it's intended to help me grow as a writer. :)

Anywho, back to the critiques and story, lol. Looking back at this story and answering questions and reading critiques made me realize that I need to change the way I approach writting. Like I said before, I'm the type of person where if I have an idea for a story, just an idea, not the whole story plotted out in my head, I'll be quick to spit it out and want to post it for reviews. Lol. When that happens, there's no set plan for how the story goes, which characters will be involved or make appearances, who the characters are in the story and how they will be affected throughout, etc. I make it all up as I go along and it seemed to be working well for me for quite some time... but the fact of the matter is, all those stories are INCOMPLETE. Lol. Well, except for one, and I must admit I had a better set plan for that story than the rest. But anywho, it's a real challenge I set up for myself because when it's something you make up as you go along, it's all ideas that has to come up right then and there, you have no idea/plan to fall or refer back to. My method makes it easier for writers block to creep up and captivate me for a really long time, hence the last time I updated Satan's Playground, haha. This whole... experience has taught me that I need to change my ways to help better improve my writing.

There isn't a lot of personal interaction really going on between the guys, like you said, where they try to deal with their raw emotions, and even then I don't really express their motions vividly like you said. It's funny because I was thinking the same damn thing you said, with the whole "Okay... they're in a haunted place, there's ghosts and they've encountered them, so... why the hell are they still there doing all this?" Lol. And like you said, I didn't really delve into why they're still there doing it all when they're lives are at stake, nor did I really delve into their thoughts about their lives being on the line. Having that said, I've been looking to making my chapters based around their thoughts and emotions rather than having it all being about what's around them and what's going on. I need to have a perfect balance of that. I feel like I'm gonna throw people off with my... upcoming chapters and the fact that it doesn't entirely link correctly back to the beginning, but honestly I kind of enjoy how people are able to differentiate my writing from the beginning to what was posted recently. Like I said, this is a story I'm gonna finish off then take and heavily revise or even rewrite it, because I must agree (not to sound conceited or anything, lol.) but this story does possess a lot of potential and having that said, it's something I should really take my time with if I want to do it right. Although it seems as if I have a lot of negative things to say about this story, this has got to be one of my favorite stories that I've written and one that I would like to work on making it better.

As for the grammar, lmao at your thought of English not being my first language. Hehe, although I love writing and enjoy doing it a lot, grammar is one of my weak points. I'm glad to be in a place where people will correct my grammar because that is one of my weak points, and if I can have people point it out and correct it, that's a helluva lotta help, lol. Wow, this was a LONG response, haha!! Thanks again Kelly, for taking time out to read and review. Your critiques will definitely help me with this story, as well as future works and all I can say is... thank you.  :-*

Btw, I actually didn't even realize that I put "seen it" instead of "SAW it", lmao. ;)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_on
Post by: honey on October 07, 2008, 01:58:58 AM
lol, well I can't help but be paranoid when I give feedback, you know? But I feel better now. And you're welcome! Believe me, I know how important feedback is, and how NOT often we get it, so I try to be constructive whenever I take the time to read something. Especially with a story like yours, because it's like I said, I just see soooooo much potential here.

I think you would do really well to go back and re-write. I know I personally would love to see what you could come up with after planning it all out a little more. You know I'll read the updates anyway, but if you do ever go back and do some re-writes, make sure to let me know!  Again, this is definitely a story to be proud of hun. It deserves the recognition! Good luck with all the future chapters!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: mare on October 07, 2008, 11:25:06 AM

Btw, I actually didn't even realize that I put "seen it" instead of "SAW it", lmao. ;)

That is the only thing that bugged me in your story. lol You did it quite a few times towards the beginning.

Yay to everyone getting on the Satan's Playground bandwagon. It's an awesome story and i'm so glad oyu're getting more readers for it. It was a hard choice for me whether to feature this one or the other one I love (God I can't remember the name of it though. lol I suck with names.) The Power of Five? You know which one I mean. It also needs to be updated by the way.

Okay i'll stop blabbering now.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 02:50:33 PM
LMAO at the Power Of Five. Is it... Thicker Than Blood? Lol. But yess... I'm almost complete with my SP update, and I had mentioned to Sel that I will be spending my time update the stories that haven't been updated, so I'm happy for that. Feels damn good to get back in the swing of things. :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: mare on October 07, 2008, 03:04:02 PM
Ah, yes Thicker Than Blood lmao I was kind of close. I mean there are five guys!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 04:10:41 PM
Haha, yes you were close. Got them five dudes right. ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 07, 2008, 06:26:42 PM
Ahem! And where's this update you mentioned? >:( Don't make me karate you!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 08:47:20 PM
Haha, it's coming!! I said it'd either be posted today (which was yesterday) or tomorrow (which is today) so I still got time to stick to my word. :P
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 08:57:25 PM
Alright ya'll, going to post my update!! ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 07, 2008, 09:10:19 PM
*SCREAMS*
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 09:15:27 PM
Lmao. It's posted. ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 07, 2008, 09:19:14 PM
*does a jig* Mare, Mare, I posted an update!! ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 07, 2008, 09:36:27 PM
Haha! Yay! I was the first one to review! ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 08, 2008, 03:43:35 AM
Haha. Read your review. Was it not enough? Lol. :P
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Kentuckychickrk on October 08, 2008, 11:35:23 AM
Loving the story so far -- and SO looking forward to the next update.

I really enjoy the supernatural shows like "Ghost Hunters" and "Most Haunted" (Most Haunted is C-O-R-N-Y though) and any shows similar.  This one really pulls me in.  I agree with Honey, I'd love to read more about what the guys are feeling during their experiences... really get into their heads during the scariest moments, but so far I'm hooked  ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 08, 2008, 03:25:42 PM
^Aww, thanks hun!! And I love "Ghost Hunters" too, that show really freaks me out!! I'm working on delving into the guys' psyche, but I'm trying to figure out a way to transition smoothly into it. Like I said, this is something I'll more than likely be revising/rewriting, so thanks for all this feedback. I'm really happy that you're enjoying it though, and thanks again. :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 09, 2008, 01:10:42 AM
Okay, I'm hoping I can post another update either by tonight or tomorrow, just in time for my birthday!! Lol. But um... I'm kinda having a hard time because I'm not really transitioning smoothly into tapping into the guys' emotions. :(

**EDIT**
Update is up and running. :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 09, 2008, 05:28:36 PM
I agree that I would like to see more tappage into the Boys' emotions, but you're gettin' there, so don't worry too much about it. A quick transition may actually do more harm to the story then good. A slow smooth transition should do it justice. Don't rush it.

I gotta say that I absolutely enjoy your vivid creative imagination when it comes to the premise of this whole story, especially the recent chapter when Brian entered the chapel. I know I said it in the review, but the way you described it really allowed me the chance to visualize to the point where I felt like I was walking into that chapel right along with Brian. What I want to know is did you have any inspiration for how you described the detail of the chapel? Or was it purely something you pulled out of your imagination? Because dude, you know me...if it was real, I would so go there. Yes, I am kinda psychotic like that...
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Kentuckychickrk on October 09, 2008, 07:30:17 PM
Okay, I'm hoping I can post another update either by tonight or tomorrow, just in time for my birthday!! Lol. But um... I'm kinda having a hard time because I'm not really transitioning smoothly into tapping into the guys' emotions. :(

**EDIT**
Update is up and running. :)

Awesome update!  Very exciting and captivating.  I think you're doing a good job at transitioning.  It is hard and I agree with monkey -- I think the slower, smoother transition like you're doing will be much more effective then going it too quickly. 

I really look forward to reading more  ;)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 12, 2008, 06:26:18 AM
I agree that I would like to see more tappage into the Boys' emotions, but you're gettin' there, so don't worry too much about it. A quick transition may actually do more harm to the story then good. A slow smooth transition should do it justice. Don't rush it.

I gotta say that I absolutely enjoy your vivid creative imagination when it comes to the premise of this whole story, especially the recent chapter when Brian entered the chapel. I know I said it in the review, but the way you described it really allowed me the chance to visualize to the point where I felt like I was walking into that chapel right along with Brian. What I want to know is did you have any inspiration for how you described the detail of the chapel? Or was it purely something you pulled out of your imagination? Because dude, you know me...if it was real, I would so go there. Yes, I am kinda psychotic like that...


Yah, for some reason I was having THEE hardest time trying to do a smooth transition, but it's slowly coming along pretty well... I think, lol. It'll only be a matter of time before I tap into their emotions... those bizzles keep running away from me, lol. As for the vivid creativeness, I'm trying and I'm actually shocked and happy that a lot of people are picking up on that, lol. Of course, I can never be satisfied with anything I do for some reason, but when I have intentions to convey something or to have readers perceive something a certain way and it actually gets through to the reader that way and they give me positive feedback on how they received it, that really makes me happy. Whenever I detail scenes and whatnot, I always see it visually play out in my head, where everything is at and what it looks like, etc. As for the whole chapel scene, that was something that I pulled straight from my imagination, lol. I mean, I think my mind was trying to visualize your typical rundown chapel, the only difference was the satanic star painted on the floor and George crucified on the cross, lol. To tell you the truth, I actually had NO intentions of Brian stumbling across George's corpse nailed to the cross and the star, I didn't intend for the "ritual site" to be in that chapel, but as I was writing that story, those thoughts kinda popped into my head and I thought, "Well, this direction would work really well for the story" and I just ran with that. Originally, I wanted this to be the point where Brian broke down emotionally and just started bawling at what he experienced, but then I thought against it, I didn't even want Brian to shed a tear, lol. I just wanted him to be completely numb, his body and mind in total shock because this dare is only day three, we have four days to work with so... I gotta think of a reason why the guys' are still staying there, participating in this stupid thing and try to figure out who will convince Brian and how they'll convince him. Gosh, I've got a lot of thinking to do, lol.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 12, 2008, 06:29:20 AM
Awesome update!  Very exciting and captivating.  I think you're doing a good job at transitioning.  It is hard and I agree with monkey -- I think the slower, smoother transition like you're doing will be much more effective then going it too quickly. 

I really look forward to reading more  ;)

Aww, thanks sooo much for your feedback hun!! Means a lot to me!! And yah, a quick transition will definitely throw everyone off and kinda just ruin it, so I'll be making that slow transition, lol. But thanks for reading and reviewing!! :)
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 12, 2008, 07:11:54 AM
As for the whole chapel scene, that was something that I pulled straight from my imagination, lol. I mean, I think my mind was trying to visualize your typical rundown chapel, the only difference was the satanic star painted on the floor and George crucified on the cross, lol. To tell you the truth, I actually had NO intentions of Brian stumbling across George's corpse nailed to the cross and the star, I didn't intend for the "ritual site" to be in that chapel, but as I was writing that story, those thoughts kinda popped into my head and I thought, "Well, this direction would work really well for the story" and I just ran with that. Originally, I wanted this to be the point where Brian broke down emotionally and just started bawling at what he experienced, but then I thought against it, I didn't even want Brian to shed a tear, lol.

LoL, don't you just love it when a story takes on a mind of it's own and you're kinda stuck sitting there thinking, wait a minute, I had this planned in a totally different way, but your story is sitting there saying no no uh uh. We're doing things my way.

That's very interesting to know, what you explained about Brian's chapel scene. Him discovering George's corpse nailed to the cross worked wonderfully and gave the story an even creepier edge then it already has. And having Brian be completely numb after that experience is the right path to go. I don't think having him break down would flow right. Let him stay emotionless. It's about time he stops acting like a pussy in fanfic. Haha. jk.

Maybe now George will leave Kevin alone and possess Brian instead? Seriously, will Kevin remain possessed for the rest of the story? I think there should be a dual possession. What do you think? Heck, you might as well just have Dean and Sam come rushing in to save the day. *le sigh* Dean Winchester... *coughs* Whoops, wrong thread?
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Kentuckychickrk on October 15, 2008, 09:15:32 AM
I'm doing the update dance over here -- update update update!  ;D ;)

As you can tell... I'm looking forward to an update!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: rebellious_one on October 15, 2008, 01:37:09 PM
Haha. I'm hoping I can crank out an update sometime this week. As a matter of fact, I think I'll work on it today because I'm getting off of work early today. :) Thanks a lot hun!!
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Kentuckychickrk on October 19, 2008, 07:52:39 AM
Haha. I'm hoping I can crank out an update sometime this week. As a matter of fact, I think I'll work on it today because I'm getting off of work early today. :) Thanks a lot hun!!

Lol... well seriously though... I fell over dead from dancing too long.

Still anxiously awaiting that update -- though I totally understand the whole busy with work thing -- I have to start working 60 hour weeks for the holidays next week and I'm SOOOOOOoooo not looking forward to it!

Let me know when you get around to updating.  I'm gonna go sit down and rest my feet.  ;D
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: mare on October 22, 2008, 08:30:07 PM
Hrmm...

Your questions for Ashley and company have been so good I am having a hard time trying to think of more. lol

How about this? Tell us one thing to expect in an upcoming chapter that might surprise us.
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_on
Post by: luna610 on October 23, 2008, 01:42:10 AM
Yay!! Congrats Rebby. Sorry I'm a little late. My little boy is keeping me very busy as you know. I love this story. And I just want to say that I have no idea what this MTV show called "Fear" is. hmmm...
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: mare on October 30, 2008, 06:10:25 AM
There's only two days left for this month, any last questions or comments to Rebby?
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: MonkeyAbu on October 30, 2008, 05:25:15 PM
Yeah, I've got another question...

WHEN CAN WE EXPECT ANOTHER FLIPPIN' UPDATE DUDE?! >:(
Title: Re: Featured Story of the Month for October: Satan's Playground by rebellious_one
Post by: Kentuckychickrk on October 30, 2008, 07:37:46 PM
Yeah, I've got another question...

WHEN CAN WE EXPECT ANOTHER FLIPPIN' UPDATE DUDE?! >:(

What she said!