Absolute Chaos Discussion Boards

Please login or register.

Login with username, password and session length
Advanced search  

News:

Spammers will be banned. Repeat spammers will be fed to angry penguins.

Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8 9 ... 16

Author Topic: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge  (Read 51726 times)

mare

  • Banner hater
  • Queen of Fanfiction
  • Supreme Time Waster
  • *****
  • Posts: 23822
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #90 on: July 19, 2011, 09:48:33 PM »
If you've read that one then you can just read whichever one you want from your list and we'lljust have two people reading the same story. Let me know though so I can let Steph know and then I can add you on the list.
Logged
Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it. ~ John Green

Purpura Lipstick

  • General Pandemonium
  • *****
  • Posts: 2425
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #91 on: July 19, 2011, 10:06:07 PM »
I'll probably still read all the ones on my list, I will just do the conscrit for my assigned story. 
Logged
- Purpura -
   -Lore-

summer03

  • Captain of Commotion
  • ***
  • Posts: 109
  • hmmm....
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #92 on: July 19, 2011, 10:08:04 PM »
If not I can change my story if you want I have a few completed so Kristal can read one of her own. just suggesting I don't mind doing it.
Logged
"I dream my painting, and then I paint my dream." Vincent Van Gogh

Purpura Lipstick

  • General Pandemonium
  • *****
  • Posts: 2425
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #93 on: July 19, 2011, 10:56:45 PM »
I'm done reading, do I send the stuff via PM to the author?
Logged
- Purpura -
   -Lore-

Rose

  • Supreme Time Waster
  • *******
  • Posts: 8275
  • Uh oh! We lost Nick again...
    • Double Rainbow Fiction
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #94 on: July 19, 2011, 11:00:23 PM »
I think you're supposed to review the actual story and leave comments in here
Logged
Double Rainbow Fiction - So Bright and So Vivid...


"Don't annoy the writer. They may put you in a book and kill you." —Anonymous

“I don’t believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously.” —Ray Bradbury

mare

  • Banner hater
  • Queen of Fanfiction
  • Supreme Time Waster
  • *****
  • Posts: 23822
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #95 on: July 19, 2011, 11:06:10 PM »
LOL that was fast

The directions are on the first page. You want to comment in the thread and on the actual site. Feel free to comment all the stories Lore. If you are reading them they all deserve some concrit. Nothing wrong with that.
Logged
Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it. ~ John Green

Purpura Lipstick

  • General Pandemonium
  • *****
  • Posts: 2425
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #96 on: July 19, 2011, 11:09:02 PM »
Tooth Fairy by CarterKid

Pay attention to capitalization and punctuation and spelling.  Though I know sometimes, when you write, you go so quickly that you miss them.  I don't have a beta so my mistakes sometimes get posted too.

Also as a note, there are two spaces after a period.  It makes the sentences easier to discern and flow a little easier.   

Something I struggle with too, watch your tense.  At one point you are speaking in past tense and then you switch to present tense and then back to past.

I would have loved to read a description of what the room he was taken into was like though there was not a lot a description in your story so to throw that in might be a bit strange.

Once he becomes the Tooth Fairy it really starts to jump a bit and there is less of a flow.

I am having a hard time reading it with it jumping from present to past tense.

I think if you were to expand the story more you would definitely have something.

As for your question: does it flow. I touched on it a couple of times, there are some trip ups with the spelling, grammar and punctuation that interrupt the flow.  The change of the tenses tripped me up the most. 

I think you could have taken the story of The Tooth Fairy (movie) and expanded on it with what you have, and then some.
Logged
- Purpura -
   -Lore-

mare

  • Banner hater
  • Queen of Fanfiction
  • Supreme Time Waster
  • *****
  • Posts: 23822
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #97 on: July 19, 2011, 11:11:05 PM »
Quote from: summer03 on July 19, 2011, 10:08:04 PM
If not I can change my story if you want I have a few completed so Kristal can read one of her own. just suggesting I don't mind doing it.

Thanks for offering, but she's got a few to pick from. She just hasn't done it yet. :)
Logged
Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it. ~ John Green

Rose

  • Supreme Time Waster
  • *******
  • Posts: 8275
  • Uh oh! We lost Nick again...
    • Double Rainbow Fiction
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #98 on: July 19, 2011, 11:25:30 PM »
Chapter One of Casual - First thoughts.

Okay, my first thoughts. So far, it's well written, structurally speaking. I feel like there's a lot of telling, not a lot of showing. The blog entry, while more personal in the scene, isn't that necessary. It gets kind of reiterated in the scene below it, and made my eyes start to skim through it.

I like the theme, it's sort of Friends With Benefits, but without the actual friendship lol.
Logged
Double Rainbow Fiction - So Bright and So Vivid...


"Don't annoy the writer. They may put you in a book and kill you." —Anonymous

“I don’t believe in being serious about anything. I think life is too serious to be taken seriously.” —Ray Bradbury

TheDistantHeart

  • Major Disruption
  • ****
  • Posts: 315
  • Would you risk it for a chocolate biscuit?
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #99 on: July 20, 2011, 02:14:40 AM »
Love This Pain! Woop! I'll start reading tonight (it's morning here so you can expect a review of the first chapter in like 12 hours lol).
Logged

colorguard_diva

  • Major Disruption
  • ****
  • Posts: 448
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #100 on: July 20, 2011, 07:07:27 AM »
Room 438  -- Chapter 1

It's got me curious about a few things. What is the lawsuit about? Which guy are they suing? Why is Kevin's house creepy?

Questions are good thing because it makes me want to read more to find the answers.


Not really liking Danielle. She seems a little bitchy.

Overall: It's got me curious.
« Last Edit: July 20, 2011, 10:10:57 AM by colorguard_diva »
Logged

Carter-Orange

  • Chief of Disorder
  • ******
  • Posts: 4654
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #101 on: July 20, 2011, 07:25:23 AM »
I started reading My Mona Lisa this morning (quiet day in work :) )

OK, I've read two chapters so far and find that it tends to jump a bit.  I got confused who was who in some places and think the comma use didn't really help matters.  I also find it odd that a 23 year old who comes from money would look so bad and not attempt to look nice for her new job, especially if she's the public face of the company.  I would expect that more from a teenager than a 23 year old.

Anyway, I'll carry on reading and come back with more reviews as I read :)
Logged

alota_cookin

  • Commander of Confusion
  • *****
  • Posts: 1390
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #102 on: July 20, 2011, 10:38:49 AM »
Ok...I started reading It Stays With You...I'm on chapter 2...and if it's any indication of how well it's written...I'm not gonna sleep well tonight. LMAO! *shudders, hiding under my bed*

So far it seems to flow well and I can pretty much see the events happening in my head as I read (thus the not sleeping part)...so, as far as that goes, I think it's good. *nervous grin*
Logged

mare

  • Banner hater
  • Queen of Fanfiction
  • Supreme Time Waster
  • *****
  • Posts: 23822
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #103 on: July 20, 2011, 11:11:33 AM »
^ good! I'm glad you're liking it so far, Kristal. Hope you don't have nightmares, i'll feel bad. LOL

I'm going to wait a few more chapters before I post my thoughts on October Road, but i'm enjoying it so far. :) and like I told Sapphire, being this is an AU AJ romance with none of the other guys in sight, this was going to be a real challenge for me. I mean, no one even gets a little hurt or turns evil? lol
Logged
Writing is something you do alone. Its a profession for introverts who want to tell you a story but don't want to make eye contact while doing it. ~ John Green

myconfession

  • Guest
Re: Engarde!!!! The Reading Duel challenge
« Reply #104 on: July 20, 2011, 11:26:46 AM »
I've got to go do a few running arounds in town and then I'm coming back and starting reading :)
Logged
Pages: 1 ... 5 6 [7] 8 9 ... 16
« previous next »