Scattered Pictures by Mare
Story Notes:

Okay so, I know... and yes, I am still not writing regularly but this story came to me so quickly it pretty much wrote itself. I do not plan on writing any more novels but i'm hoping you'll get a few one shots from this London experience! Enjoy!

Here We Go Again by Mare

Here We Go Again

 

 

 

Kevin

 

 

 

 

 

Here we go again on our own…going down the only road I’ve ever known…”  I glance out of the corner of my eye to see my wife grinning at me as we drove to the airport. “Like a drifter I was born to walk alone…” She was now shaking her head.  “I made up my mind…I ain’t wasting no more time….”  She hated this song so I used to sing it as often as possible just to get that reaction.

 

Mission accomplished.

 

“I’ll stop now.”

 

“Thanks for that.” She reached over and pat my leg just as we pulled in to the airport terminal.

 

“You sure you don’t want me to come in?”

 

I looked over at her and smiled, “AJ and Nick will be here to keep me company and you have to get back home to Mason.”

 

I was kind of glad we didn’t bring him to the airport. He wasn’t very happy with the idea of daddy going away for such a long time. He was used to me leaving from time to time but never for more than a week tops. They usually came with me. This was going to be quite an adjustment for him. The first time he would have to endure a Backstreet schedule. The first time I’d ever have to endure being away from him as well.

 

She reached over and pulled me into a hug and kissed me. “We’ll miss you.”

 

“Not as much as I’ll miss the two of you.” I said with absolute certainty.

 

I got out of the car, grabbed my bags and once more kissed my wife as she rolled down her window for one final goodbye. This was going to be tough. But, I was ready.

 

As she slowly pulled away, so many thoughts were running through my mind I hardly had a place to put them all. Ever since really toying with the idea of my return to the group, it was this moment that caused me the most anxiety. Not being on a plane with just AJ and Nick, although that in itself…

 

The being away from my family is what I was most afraid I wouldn’t be able to handle. It’s been such a long time since I’ve had to be anything more than husband and dad. I mean, I’ve done my fair share of work, but it’s never been anything close to the scale it used to be with the boys. Even doing these movies, or working on my solo stuff never took me that far from home and when it did, my family just came with me, no biggie. My internal thoughts still suffocated my brain as I went through the check in process.

 

“Like riding a bike, Kevin!” I said this out loud to myself just as I saw AJ sitting and taking pictures of himself with his phone.

 

When he saw me he gave me a wave to come and join him and I couldn’t help but smile. AJ was looking great these days. He had a very happy glow I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. He looked well rested, relaxed and content with his life and just those thoughts made me want to cry. I’m such a sap, I know. But considering how things have been with him over the years, one couldn’t help but be nothing but eternally grateful things had a happy ending for him. It could have really gone so many other ways.

 

He stood up and grabbed me in a huge hug, “Hey man! It’s so good to see you!”

 

“Same here.” I said, pulling away first and then taking a seat across from him. “Is Nick here yet?” I asked, looking around for the blond.

 

“Nope, but I got here extra early. You just missed Rochelle. She was hoping to get to see you before she left but she had to go meet up with her mom.”

 

“I’ll catch her next time then. How’s she feeling?”

 

AJ sat back on his chair, still cradling his phone in his hands as he crossed his legs and smiled, “Pregnant, but good. It looks great on her.”

 

I nodded in agreement.

 

I fidgeted a bit with my carry-on bag, just to give me something to do. It’s not that I felt uncomfortable with just AJ, but I think my nerves were settling in and once again those thoughts  were going a mile a minute.

 

“So, you ready for this? It’s been awhile.”

 

I think he sensed my fears because when I looked up at him, he had an ‘everything is going to be okay’ look on his face. The same kind of look I often gave to him when we weren’t sure how things were going to turn out.

 

“I think so. It’ll be hard being away from Kris and Mason though.”

 

“Yeah, I’m not happy about that part either but they’ll be along soon.”

 

Once again AJ was fiddling around with his camera, “Let’s take a picture for the fans!” He said as he crouched down in front of me and snapped a picture. “That’ll keep them happy for a little while. We can take another one when Carter gets here.”

 

Nick, I was a little anxious to be working with him again too, all of them really. Not that we left on bad terms or anything. I loved them all and kept in contact with them, but it wasn’t always sunshine and roses. When I decided to leave the group, they all took it differently, and Nick took it the hardest of all.  But after I was gone, I think he was the most grateful for the change and if I didn’t say it stung, I would be lying.

 

When talk of me coming back started, I made sure to really take in their reactions and Nick had the most notable one. He smiled but he also shook his head. I didn’t really know what to make of it then and I still don’t, now. I wanted to ask at the time, but felt like I wasn’t ready for the answer.  At that point, I was so uncertain of things myself that depending on what he said, I might have changed my mind altogether.

 

“I can’t wait to play you some of the things I came up with man; it’s like crazy, Bro!”

 

I came out of my thoughts and smiled at AJ once again. “Oh here comes Carter!” He said flagging Nick down the same way he did me.

 

I stood up and watched as Nick lazily made his way towards us, looking tired but good. They both looked really good.  He walked over to AJ first and gave him a hug before coming towards me and smiling, pulling me in for one as well.

 

He had a really small bag with him and put it down next to mine, having a seat and letting out a yawn. “I am so going to sleep on the plane!” He said rubbing his eyes.

 

“Long day or something?” AJ asked in a half laugh.

 

“Since Lauren and I won’t see each other for a while, we decided to stay up all night. Now, I’m thinking that was a mistake.”

 

I laughed at him. He looked at me and smirked, “What’s so funny?”

 

“Nothing…”

 

I remembered over hearing these kinds of conversations with Nick and my cousin, talking about staying up all night long playing video games. The two of them did it all the time and it used to drive me nuts because they would be zombies the next day when we usually had things to do.

 

“I’m going to get some water, do you want anything? Either of you?”

 

“Coffee would be awesome AJ, thanks!”

 

He nodded at Nick, “cream no sugar, right?”

 

“You know me so well!”

 

“Kev?”

 

“I’m good, thanks.”

 

He nodded and left Nick and I. “cream and no sugar? When did that happen? It used to be cream and five sugars and hold the coffee!”

 

Nick laughed at me, “That was a long time ago.”

 

“I guess so.” I pat his shoulder and watched him fidget with his bag just like I had done before. “Are you excited about this?” I asked him.

 

“Yeah…” He stopped fidgeting and made eye contact with me, “I am really excited about this. What about you?”

 

“I am too.” I took a deep breath and thought I’d ask now while it was just the two of us, “Can I ask you something?”

 

“You just did!” He smiled his smart ass grin at me. I forgot about that and of course when I rolled my eyes at him he pumped the air with his fist.

 

“Yes, my first Kevin eye roll and we haven’t even left the building yet, I win!”

 

I shook my head but couldn’t help but smile. This kid….

 

“What was your question?”

 

“Are you okay with me coming back?”

 

He seemed a little surprised by the question.

 

“Why?”

 

“I don’t know, I just haven’t really been able to get a read off of you.”

 

“Wow, you must be losing your touch because according to you, you could always read me like a book.” He emphasized the according to you part.

 

“I just wanted to make sure.”

 

“And what if I said no? Would you not board the plane with us?” once again that grin which was more of his trade mark smirk.

 

“No, I’d still go and tell you that you’d have to get over it.”

 

“What’s the difference then?”

 

I didn’t like how he was evading the question. It made me think that he really didn’t want me back in the group. But then he smiled and put his arm around me, “Of course I want you back, Kevin. Because without you we’re…Incomplete…” He sang the last word so loudly that the few people who were sitting by us all stopped and stared.

 

AJ came back just as everyone stopped staring. “Were you just singing?” He asked Nick amused as he handed him his coffee.

 

“I felt the sudden urge to break into song, yes. Blame, Kevin!”

 

I sat back in my chair as Nick slurped his coffee and AJ fiddled with his water. I had really watched these two grow up in front of my eyes.  It’s funny to think back on really. All the weird conversations the three of us have had. Listening in horror when AJ tried to explain sex to Nick, knowing that neither had ever had any. That was comical!

 

Being the mediator after AJ accidentally broke one of Nick’s CD players. Same for when in retaliation Nick fed one of AJ’s favorite shoes to his dog. They were just kids and I was usually stuck being their babysitter. Watching them now though, you could tell things have changed as Nick moved over towards AJ and started talking about something that he and Lauren thought AJ and Rochelle would like to do. Their conversation was thoughtful and calm as they laughed about things. One word came to my mind and that was peace. These two were really at peace with themselves.

 

“You okay Kevin? You looked like you were zoning out for a second there, buddy.” Nick said playfully.

 

“Yeah, just…yeah.” I smiled.

 

“Okay then.” Nick shrugged and gave AJ one of the looks I used to give to him.

 

Just like they had changed, I wonder if they realized I had. Ever since I left the group, I have mellowed out dramatically. Things that used to drive me nuts, just suddenly didn’t seem as important anymore. If I had a meeting, I still made sure to be there on time but never got annoyed if the other person was late. If things didn’t go as planned, I tried not to dwell as much, laughing it off and saying, oh well before moving on. If things didn’t sound to my liking in the studio, I would do it over again but only once or twice. Nothing was ever going to be one hundred percent perfect and I was my own worst enemy. I came to the conclusion that I would never be completely happy with what I came up with so, I just moved on and dealt with it.

 

Maybe that was what my anxiety was really about. How much we had all changed and how it might affect us as a group.

 

“Kevin dude…” Once again I looked over at Nick who seemed even more amused this time. “Are you having some kind of senior moment we should be aware of?”

 

Senior moment? Really?

 

He laughed, “Just teasing you. Is everything alright though? You seem out of it.”

 

Both of them were staring at me with concerned looks on their faces. Once more I flashbacked to those same faces about ten years ago. One with sunglasses a little too big for his face, feigning like he cared about what I was saying while secretly hiding his bloodshot eyes from a night spent partying and the other rolling his eyes at me making sure I was aware of how insignificant he thought every word out of my mouth was.  They were grown men now, and they both seemed legitimately concerned. That’s when I smiled at them and said with all sincerity, “I’m good.”

 

For the first time since making my decision, I was.

 

AJ then jumped out of his seat almost knocking Nick’s coffee on the floor. “Time for another picture!”

 

“Jesus Christ, AJ you and taking damn pictures!” Nick moved to the other side of the railing and leaned his head close to mine.  “This is going to be an adventure, Kevin. I’m looking forward to sharing it with you!” I smiled at what he said just as AJ took the picture.

 

“I’m like Peter Pan and you can be Captain Hook!” He had to add.

 

“Hey! I want to be Captain Hook, why does Kevin get to be Captain Hook?”

 

“AJ, you can be Jon!”

 

“Jon? He’s a wuss! I don’t want to be Jon!”

 

“I would say you could be Wendy but we’ll save that for Howie!”

 

Okay, maybe they’re not totally grown up yet.

 

 



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