Date: 08/06/12 05:04 am Title: Chronos Project
Nice ending, I know I already said it, but this didn't get me sad or anything and I think it's because her illness was a mere mention in the story. I feel like if you'd shown it more, it would get a more emotional reaction at the end even though I know this was more to trick people into thinking you killed Kevin. Very creative story overall though Lore :).
Author's Response:
I wasn't expecting the funeral to make anyone sad, I just wanted people to think I'd killed Kevin which I've yet to really do... lol. Thanks for all your CC and comments I have taken many into consideration.
Date: 08/06/12 05:02 am Title: Chronos Project
I know you wouldn't kill Kevin LOL. That said, I liked how Nick jumped ahead to find out just how much she meant to him.
Author's Response:
Yes, Nick broke rules... though I believe I have now realized what I have forgotten to mention in this part of the story. HRM... drat. *makes notes*
Date: 08/06/12 04:57 am Title: Chronos Project
Nasty fight with Steph LOL. Glad to see Julie can actually hold her own finally.
Author's Response:
Yes finally she manages to do something. HEH.
Date: 08/06/12 04:55 am Title: Chronos Project
This should be interesting lol. Again, I feel kind of like you've rushed the end a bit. There's no filler, which can actually be bad. Because as annoying as filler is to write, it's as essential as the action/realization chapters. You're jumping from event to event, and it's just something I've noticed especially towards the end.
Author's Response:
I get caught up when writing, especially towards the end and espeically with this story. I think I have a tendency to write it like a movie and you see a movie you see the action, you don't get to be inside the characters heads when you are learning something it's done through dialogue and looks. This is something I will need to work on since I am writing a book and not a movie.
Date: 08/06/12 04:49 am Title: Chronos Project
Again, I feel like the thing with her mom would've had more impact if you'd taken the time to write it out in a chapter and really show how Julie was feeling. Having it told doesn't have the emotional impact I know it's supposed to. I'm glad the Kevin/Howie thing was explained though.
Author's Response:
Yes, time travel is a tricky thing especially when you jump into the time you want but a few weeks earlier than originally thinking.
Date: 08/06/12 04:46 am Title: Chronos Project
And see this is where she should've asked Kevin straight out. She's a very forward person that I expected that of her, and am surprised she didn't.
Author's Response:
I had to reread to remember what this is about. I know there was a reason I didn't have her confront him when I wrote it, I think I felt that she had given up in her own mind. She was feeling that no matter what she said or did nothing was going to change what the two had decided to to. But I see now that is confusing to the rest of her personality.
Date: 08/06/12 04:43 am Title: Chronos Project
At least she was able to find AJ, without any real complications LOL. With you telling about Julie's mother being ill, see these little things add to the story, but a chapter showing that would be good. Her worrying about all this while keeping it quiet around her family. It wouldn't have hurt the pacing, and in fact you telling it like that sort of makes it feel like you're trying to rush the story a little. :)
Author's Response:
This is one of the details that I think got added without thinking through, caught up in the moment it came out and I never really went back and thought things through.
Date: 08/06/12 04:37 am Title: Chronos Project
I can't blame her for being upset. I would be too, especially with everything she's tried to do for them. At the same time, she HAS to know going off alone is a bad idea. Look what's happened every time she does! LOL.
Author's Response:
She is a bit hot headed going off on her own... I agree...
Date: 08/06/12 04:32 am Title: Chronos Project
Poor Kevin, he knows he can't be with her in her time so of course he's cautious.
Author's Response:
*nods* it is a big reason there was the build up/tension. He liked her but knows he can't be with her so he holds back.
Date: 08/06/12 04:28 am Title: Chronos Project
About time Kevin kissed Julie lol. I really liked the slow buildup and I feel like this is the best relationship you've shown in the story.
Author's Response:
Yes I LOVED the build up, the tension between those two. I am so glad that it worked well. I think this story definitely had some points that I focused on a little more than others and it seems that it comes across that way to someone reading it straight through like you are and not chapter by chapter as I post. Thanks.
Date: 08/06/12 04:24 am Title: Chronos Project
This I liked, I liked Nick telling his story, showing his pain this way. You can really see there's more to Nick than just evil LOL.
Author's Response:
This was one of my favorite chapters and one of the ones I wanted to make sure came off right. Nick isn't outright evil. He doesn't go about things the right way but he has a reason behind what he is doing. Thanks for your comment.
Date: 08/06/12 04:21 am Title: Chronos Project
Part of me thinks instead of Kevin telling her why Nick is so bent on revenge, you could've shown it through Nick's perspective. By going in depth a little more one of his scenes or having Nick scream it at him at a showdown or something. Anyways, my ramblings (there's a point to this I swear lol), aside, this is one of those things I think would've come off better as showing, rather than telling. You do a lot of explaining through conversation in the story but it's good story in itself so rather than explain, I think it would've added more if you'd found a way to show. If I'm making sense.
Author's Response:
This is one of the things I'm working on with the rewrite. Well more so with Julie at this point but originally I was going to have Nick yell it out in a confrontation but I think somehow it got changed.
Date: 08/06/12 04:17 am Title: Chronos Project
Brian knows Nick has it out for her but then didn't really get how she got herself stranded in Rome lol. At least that's how it read. Other than that, good chapter :).
Author's Response:
Brian knows a lot more then he lets on. Thanks.
Date: 07/26/12 10:47 pm Title: Chronos Project
Nick knows LOL. Let's see if she can get out of this. But then he picked a partner that basically broadcasted where they sent AJ. Nick doesn't have the best taste in helpers does he? LOL.
Author's Response:
Yes, he picked a partner that broadcasted... it was such a bad move... yes.... he really should look into better collaborators. Nick it isn't all about sex after all. heh.
Date: 07/26/12 10:44 pm Title: Chronos Project
Of course, poor AJ. :(
That said, I like how you're not rushing Kevin and Julie. I feel like you're doing a far better job writing the bond between them than the others in this story :).
Author's Response:
By others do you mean Jeff and Nick? ... or do you mean between even Howie and Kevin or Nick and Kevin or Brian and Kevin? I loved writing the tension between Kevin and Julie it was one of my favorite things, after the historical parts, of this story.
