Date: 07/03/13 09:42 pm Title: Chapter 27
Can I just say, your very first line in this chapter made me crack up. "His head spun around and he looked down at me as he dropped both the wallet and the condom to the floor." because I pictured something out of the Excorcist lol
Since you left me a TON of feedback today, I'm leaving you a really long review for this one.
I'm glad they decided not to have sex. It's nice to know Emily has a good head on her shoulders when it comes to this stuff, but I want my boys to come back.
It's really hard for me to read a BSB fanfic when they aren't anywhere in chapters. I think that's one of the reasons I am so anti female centered BSB fics. That being said, Emily is such a strong lead that it is easy to like her, even if she spends her time with those 'other' people from time to time, but that is when reading this does become a challenge for me. I will be curious to see if that changes as we go along because of what I am about to say.
I am picky with female characters, I don't like many honestly. I think I can count on one hand the number of them I have liked all the way through a story and that's about one and it was Clare from Broken. I am putting Emily in there with Clare (for now) lol She does tend to be stronger when she's with Joey then she is with Kevin. When she's with Kevin her personailty tends to resort more to a victim. I don't know if that was intentional or not. Maybe because Kevin is intimidating? But regardless, she tends to stand on her own and I really like that about her. She seems to be 'happier' with Joey then she would be with Kevin so I'll be interested to see where you take that.
You like Happy endings, I like seeing the BSB in my chapters! Come back boys! LOL
Not sure if I'll be around to read tomorrow, so if not have a Happy Fourth!! :O)
Author's Response:
They're coming back, I promise! I'm glad that you still like Emily as a female lead. Honestly, especially after reading your (very helpful) reviews, I feel like the characters in this story are a little shallow. I'm not sure you'd like her, but I really like my lead female in Falling in Love Again a lot more than I like Emily, even though she's a modified version of myself. I think intimidation may play a bit of a role in how she changes around Kevin, but I also think there's the age difference and the fact that there was an initial infatuation with Kevin since she was a BSB fan first, that wasn't necessarily there with Joey. Then, of course, the awkward relationship that wasn't exactly a relationship. I'm very interested in your feedback on the rest of the story, as I'm actually going to add a subplot that wasn't originally intended, just to see if I can flex my writing skills a little. In turn, the story is going to get a little drawn out, so I may lose you once the summer reading challenge is over. I mean, we're supposed to make it all the way to 2011, as you saw in the first chapter/prologue. However, it does go a little faster later on. Thanks, Mare!
Date: 07/02/13 08:04 pm Title: Chapter 26
I'm back! lol You mentioned in your readers survey that you like feedback about your writing as well as the actual story and since we are on a 'non bsb' chapter, I thought I'd go there this time around.
One thing I really admire about your writing is the great knack you have for description. Something as simple as this little passage "Our shoes rested near a sand dune several yards away as we walked facing the sunset, and brilliant oranges, pinks, and purples spead across the night sky and reflected off the surface of the blue water. Warm waves crashed over our feet and my hair blew wildly in the salty breeze. I nuzzled my head against his shoulder comfortably and sighed in contentment. Joey had somehow managed to turn a rotten day into a fantastic one in just a few short hours. I loved that about him." just something small but elegant in a way. It's hard to find that balance between dialogue and description but you do it very well.
Author's Response: Thanks so much! Without trying to sound vain, I agree with you. I think I do this really well. I just wish I could do it more consistently. I feel like there are Times that I do this really well, and other times, not so much. Like, if you could pick out all the pieces of my writing that read like this, I'd be awesome. Then, there's the other stuff. Haha
Date: 06/28/13 04:02 pm Title: Chapter 25
Kevin caring more about Emily and hurting her feelings than the actual huge dilemma he is in about becoming a father and the possible implications of that, seemed a little hard for me to believe, but maybe it just hasn't hit him yet. I bet it would be hard for Emily to deal with the news of her best friend sleeping with Kevin but I do hope she confronts her about it as well and not just Kevin and eww about the used condom and the thought it might have not been Kevin's lol Yuck!! Be back in a few days! :O)
Author's Response: I didn't really consider this chapter would be perceived like this. Interesting insight.
Author's Response: I didn't really consider this chapter would be perceived like this. Interesting insight.
Date: 06/28/13 04:12 am Title: Chapter 42
Yeah, another update! cant wait to read more as usual!
howie, always the peace keeper.
Author's Response:
Thanks again!
Date: 06/27/13 01:35 pm Title: Chapter 24
Glad Kevin is taking responsibilty and did the right thing by being concerned and going to buy a test for Amy to take. I guess we know she's really pregnant but I'm still hoping she isn't. If Johnny had a cow with Nick getting married I can only imagine what this would do to him! LOL Poor Kevin.
Author's Response:
Well, it's not pretty... But I actually didn't write a Johnny scene about this one, so it's left up to the imagination.
Date: 06/26/13 04:48 pm Title: Chapter 23
Uh oh! So, Amelia went behind Emily's back and cheated with Kevin? And now she might be pregnant? Emily is the one who is usually with Kevin, right? Or am I getting confused? If so, Emily's really understanding because if Amelia had told me that I probably would have not been a happy camper. Just shows what good friends the two of them are. Kevin needs to keep his wee wee in his pants!
Author's Response:
Oh, she's definitely not happy, as you'll see in the next couple of chapters! But yes, the Amelia/Emily friendship is a special one. Remember how confused you were in the first chapter? Maybe it starts to make a little more sense....?
Date: 06/25/13 01:17 pm Title: Chapter 22
This chapter was fun. lol I enjoyed the conversations going on throughout. Johnny is a jerk! Seriously. I'm so glad they don't have anything to do with him anymore.
Author's Response:
So far I really like "Indie" BSB!
Date: 06/24/13 12:32 pm Title: Chapter 21
Emily was pretty funny in this chapter lol once again, I wanted to get on Howie's back follow him into Nick's room. You keep teasing me with all these possible bromance moments!
Author's Response:
Sorry! I wasn't thinking bromance at all when I started writing this, to be honest. All five guys are in the next chapter, though, so maybe it will whet your appetite just a little? I actually have a little something I'm working on in the later chapters that I think you're going to like (or I might fail miserably at it....we'll see).... Hopefully I get that part finished and you make it that far before the reading challenge is over!
Date: 06/23/13 07:49 pm Title: Chapter 20
I think that's the challenge of writing in first person because you always feel like that person has to be the center of every scene. Switching back and forth would have been nice but even if it's too late to do that in this story, there's no reason why Emily couldn't just 'be in the room' and sit there as a silent observer while the others take over for a scene or two. I have had to do that many times because I tend to always write in first person and get stuck with the same dilemma. Like in this chapter, she could have been in the room while the guys were talking to Nick, whether she was eavesdropping or they never left the room etc. this way we still would have gotten his perspective or Kevin's or whoever's without losing the feel for the story. If that makes sense? I'm just throwing this out there for you. It took me a LONG time to figure that out on my own so I thought I'd pass it along lol
Author's Response:
Thanks for the insight!
Date: 06/23/13 01:08 pm Title: Chapter 20
That was a very ciute chapter. Leave it to Nick to get married impulsively in Vegas! I have to admit, after they explained what happened, I wished that instead of following Chrissy and the girls, we followed Nick and the boys. I would have much rather heard his side of things than hers, but that's part of the challenge for me when it comes to reading these female centered fics. Regardless, it will still fun seeing Kevin get all angry at a stupid Nick stunt! LOL
Author's Response: I agree with you here! One thing I have really struggled with in this story is the fact that I started writing it in first person and didn't make the choice to change points of view throughout the story. I have written a few scenes that Emily isn't in, and while I think they do add to the story, I find them awkward to read because you lose the "voice" of the story. Therefore, scenes like all the guys responses to Nick getting married didn't make it into the story. Looking back, I think it would have been really cool to switch back and forth between the girls and the guys as far as POV goes--maybe every other chapter. Oh well. It's more than half-finished now. However, this is exactly what I was thinking when I started "Mr. Brightside." Its basically the story from Kevin's POV. If I ever finish it, and I'm not sure I ever will, because honestly, I'm excited about some other stories I'm working on.... But if I ever finish it, I think it would be more Mare's version of the story. Wow, that was long :)
Date: 06/22/13 06:16 pm Title: Chapter 19
Kevin, I am with you on that whole what does she see in Joey thing lol I'm glad Kevin is back and I enjoyed their conversation and the fact that he was so willing to admit he was jealous.
Author's Response:
Thanks again! Joey was (obviously) by favorite N'Sync member. These days....eh... Still lusting after Kevin. haha
Date: 06/22/13 05:28 pm Title: Chapter 41
Oh no, what does Carson want? I am loving this story! Looking forward to more. :)
Author's Response:
Thanks again! Carson definitely wants something....
Date: 06/21/13 07:47 pm Title: Chapter 18
I was just having this conversation with someone about how itimidating Kevin can be. He just has this way about him that makes you just want to shrink when you are anywhere in his vicinity. LOL
I actually saw BSB at Radio City, not for the tour you're writing about. It was the Never Gone one. I was third row center, the best seats I've ever had. Just mentioning that brought back really great memories.
Author's Response:
Happy to bring back good memories for you! I think that as Kevin's gotten older, he has less of that air of intimidation. Since he came back, he seems a little more silly :)
Date: 06/20/13 01:25 pm Title: Chapter 17
I think Carson Daly is a big jerk as well. The guy has always bugged me and reminded me of the kind of guy who always wants to be part of the 'in' crowd by name dropping and pretending everyone is his best friend. I think that interview went about how it would have gone in real life. I do miss TRL though lol I used to love that show!
Author's Response:
TRL: The original TMZ :) I honestly think it was like that back in the day. He was always fishing for gossip. You know, he doesn't really bother me on The Voice, though. I loved the show too! So many good memories associated with it!
Date: 06/19/13 06:47 pm Title: Chapter 16
Oh my God, I'm back again... and I have to say kind of glad we're saying goodbye to Joey. Not a big Nsync fan in the least, do I hate them? No but I know nothing or care to know nothing about them either. At least it's not New Kids. That would have been a really big challenge for me! Emily and her boyband members. She needs to find a roadie or something to occupy her time! LOL
Author's Response: Well.... Unfortunately (for you), we're not saying goodbye to him just yet. If you can make it through the next few chapters, though, any remaining N'Sync references will be few and far between. Joey was a part of the "original" story for Emiy that I just couldn't leave out, so I hope you can muddle through and enjoy the BSB portions anyway! Haha
