Date: 06/15/14 12:17 pm Title: :: Tweleve ::
Aww Nick, that was sweet giving her a promise ring but, leaving it behind for her? I actually cringed for a second thinking it might be an engagement ring. LOL Hopefully if that happens. He'd not just leave it behind for her.
Author's Response: Idk why i had that happen like that to be honest. I always thought of Nick to be somewhat of a pansey at times when i read back through some stuff to ask why did i do this lll
Date: 06/14/14 11:57 am Title: :: Eleven ::
Love Nick's heavily thought out idea of wearing a hat as a disguise. It seems like such a Nick thing to do. Rayna seems really okay with the whole idea of being photographed. I'm surprised it didn't bother her that her children were. And ugh to Jane.
Author's Response: Lol i thought the same thing while writing this with tbe disguise lol..i see him doing it quite often and with the photographs i think it was more well if i am getting my pictures taken then the kids will be too and paparazzi doesnt always listen either lol
Date: 06/13/14 10:12 am Title: :: Ten ::
Of course Rayna's dad would embarrass her. It seems like such a dad type thing to do. Nick and Rayna wasted no time getting into bed together lol literally. The scene with Olivia was cute.
Author's Response: Lol..i am guilty of this...i am terrible lmao...and the scene with Olivia, Alana did this when she first saw Art in the flesh already a daddys girl ;)
Date: 06/12/14 10:13 am Title: :: Nine ::
I enjoyed this chapter. It's nice taking a little break from the romance side of things and just seeing Nick in the studio with the boys. It's probably sad that I didn't recognize either of those songs until I read the credits at the end of the chapter. I stink when it comes to stuff like that.
Author's Response: Well the best that i can was an unreleased song that didnt make the album but it should have cause its a really good song ( i have just about every unreleased song out there lol), but i wanted to make sure the boys got a little time in there too and i know Brian can relate with the kid thing since at this point in time Baylee is older and Mason was still a toddler i believe.
Date: 06/11/14 11:01 am Title: :: Eight ::
I'm glad Rayna finally had the courage to send Nick a picture especially after professing her love to him. I really hope Nick would be the type of guy who could love without seeing someone's picture. That's a rarity these days. I need to find this man myself! lol
Author's Response: Any good man is hard to find these days lol...i am just glad i found Art before he was snagged himself lol.
Date: 06/10/14 12:24 pm Title: ::Seven::
Good for Rayna for finally telling off John. I was a little confused when this Hunt person came out of nowhere. I'm glad you eventually let us know who he was. You might have introduced him in a prior chapter but my memory is really for crap. I'm also confused a little about the end part with the WOW people being mad at her? Did they hear that conversation or something?
Author's Response: Hunt is Johns boss for the taekwndo studio..probably should have said roommate or something while writing it....but John lived with his boss and when i finally got he courage to leave john hunt called me and begged me to go back to him and wanted a month for him to change and i refused. I didnt want to give him any more chances cause i knew he wouldnt change. And as far as the people in wow john was yelling about me in chat calling me all sorts of names and anyone who knew my name was messagin me wondering what was going on cause he was pissed..he made a huge stink about it...it was bad our guild couldnt raid for awhile because of the drama that had unfolded that day.
Date: 06/09/14 06:16 pm Title: ::Six::
I edited the chapter for you :O) Writing in the dark can't be god for the eyes! lol
Author's Response: No defiantly not good on the eyes lol...i write in the dark sometimes too i cannot wait until we get our own place where my computer wont be in my room anymore lol but i will read the chapter while the kids are eating lunch.
Date: 06/09/14 11:03 am Title: ::Six::
I'm relieved that Rayna did eventually get back to Nick even though I knew that was going to happen because let's face it; it would have been a very short story if she didn't. LOL I can only imagine the level of anxiety she feels at the thought of sending him her picture! Yikes!!
As far as concrit mode, this chapter, however small had a lot of grammatical mistakes. Just be careful. I know you mentioned in the questions thread on AC you write using actual pen and paper (what are those things? :OP) But I think when it comes time to type it up, you leave out or miss words etc... One thing that is really lacking are periods at the end or your sentences so things kind of blend into each other once again making it sometimes kind of confusing to follow. If you need examples let me know, I'm more than happy to help. In fact I would be willing to go back and completely edit this chapter for you if you'd like. Just so you could see the difference. As long as you have a way to save the original so you can compare them. Just let me know. Otherwise, I'll see you tomorrow! :O)
Author's Response: I had axiety sendin my own picture to Art for the first time when i was with John he made me feel unappericated and like i was beneath him so my confidence level and my self esteem just went down and down and down and till this day i am still having troubles with those things...
But yss i do write on paper and then type and if Art is sleeping or something believe it or not i will type in the dark! If the kids are home from school i dont get to do much typing so i do everything when they go to sleep at night and unfortantly Art sleeps too and my computer is in my room...but i have the original copy saved on my computer and i am always willing to recieve pointers and such :)
Date: 06/08/14 10:59 am Title: ::Five::
Wow, you have a lot of stuff going on in this chapter! I loved the conversation Nick had with Brian. I am really enjoying him in this story and to be honest, that's kind of rare for me. I am not the biggest Brian fan when it comes to reading him. I'm glad Brian convinced Nick to finally tell Rayna the truth. I also enjoyed that part of the chapter as well. The way he poured his heart out to her and then his fear of abandonment when she logged off. I admit I was kind of surprised the reveal happened so soon. I thought I'd have to wait at least a few more chapters. I'm sorry to hear how similar John is to your own experience. I'm glad he is no longer a part of your life. You deserve to be treated better!
Author's Response: I thought it would be hard to have it drag on and on...i tried to make it ad realistic as possible to my own experience with Art..cause our relationship went super fast.
Date: 06/05/14 06:23 pm Title: ::Four::
I really enjoyed the conversation that Nick and Rayna had in this chapter. It felt very real and natural. Wow, that John guy sounds like a complete jerk.I hope that's not how your boyfriend treated you! I can see why Nick is struggling with the idea of tell her the truth. Can you imagine? lmao I'm not sure if I would believe it but I'm the most skeptical person on the planet! I will be coming back to this some time next week. I'm going to try reading both of my fics at the same time giving each of you five chapters then switching. So, if you don't hear from me in a few days, that's why! Have a great weekend!! :O)
Author's Response: Unfortantly that is how he really treated me...i was a piece of meat more than anything...and he cheated a lot..and really did have a baby with my best friend....well who was anyway but thats ok karma bit him in the ass hard and will be paying for it until 2019!!
Date: 06/04/14 12:52 pm Title: ::Three::
I can tell the World of Warcraft talk is going to confuse. me. I might have to look it up to see what all that stuff means lol I'm glad they are finally meeting. Just wanted to say to be careful of run on sentences as well and some repetition. I'm going to use one of your paragraphs from above as an example and then edit it for you to help you out. This one right here:
“Well that’s just fantastic John. I practically am raising our children by myself because you can’t get off your ass and find a real job that is actually paying money. You told me when you went down there that this would be good for our family and it wouldn’t tear us apart, meanwhile, I sit here and bust my ass to find a job to provide for the kids." She paused before continuing, "I have to go though, I have my kids to take care of.” Rayna hung up the phone and sighed,” Ugh! That man makes me so angry sometimes. I don’t understand how hard it is to help take care of your kids. I should have never taken him back. I should have just walked away when I had the chance to.” (would delete this)Rayna thought to herself.
Not too many changes but if you cut out some of the Rayna's and added a few other words it might flow a little better. Sometimes all it takes is someone else's eyes. When I came back after being away, I always had two people read my chapters and do things like this for me to help me out. Hope it was helpful to you! See you tomorrow! :O) I also hope it came out looking right and not all messed up.
Author's Response: LOL! It took me a long time to understand the game and I even play it lol...I only played because my ex got me into it...he thought it would help us "bond"....which meant he would stay on there all hours of the night and not work and I take care of kids..yay me!
Anyway, yeah I see what you are saying...I usually try and edit while I am typing or add stuff in while I am typing but sometimes either I don't or I just forget and I hardly EVER re-read anything I have written I just type it and then usually post it but since these last few reviews I have been trying to re-read stuff and maybe figure out how to reword a sentence if it isn't quite making any sense.
Date: 06/03/14 12:21 pm Title: :::Two:::
Ah, I remember being out of the loop too when it came to grammar and writing rules etc... after taking a break from doing it for so long. My big thing was forgetting to put a '.' in quotation marks! In a nutshell - The tense thing is basically when you use 'ed' at the end versus an 's' "He waves goodbye and then hugs his friends." Versus "He waved goodbye and then hugged his friends." When you see "He waved goodbye and then hugs his friends." that's when the mix up comes in. Makes it past and present in one sentence and sometimes a little confusing. I will give concrit from time to time, only to help out. If you don't want it, I'll stop but I know I personally find it helpful especially if it helps with the flow of the story. Onto this chapter - it seems like it's a good call for both of them, Rayna and Nick, to be getting rid of their significant others. I always have to smile when one of the guys is mentioned in a fic like this. Brian always doling out love advice. lol And yes, Nick is playing WOW. He asked for players to help him defeat some village or town or something? I have no clue! See you tomorrow!
Author's Response: I am always open for suggestions :) this was the first fic i had written in almost six years my ex didnt want me writing so i quit and just kind of forgot everything really. Hubby was supposed to go through and read and correct mistakes but didnt have the time. I see Brian being the advice giver other than Kev since this story takes place during "This Is Us" and yeah i saw his twitter yesterday after you said something i was very tempted to re activate my account...its like who wouldnt want to play a little wow wih Nick Carter? Lol
Date: 06/02/14 08:27 pm Title: :::One::
First of all, how cool that you met your future husband through playing a video game. I saw just today, Nick was asking for players for WOW and I immediately thought of you! LOL I have never played that game in my life but then again I don't own anything remotely resembling a video game player at all. It's neat that you are writing from such a personal space. I like how half the chapter was devoted to Nick and the other to the nameless girl. How they both were feeling similar even though from very different backgrounds. Just one thing to be aware of and I do this to ALL the TIME! you keep going from past tense to present tense. Sometimes that can be a little confusing. I know from an editing standpoint it can be hard to catch but when writing in third person it tends to happen frequently. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to that one! Great job! Be back tomorrow! :O)
Author's Response: Lol i didnt even know he came back to it...damn i may have to reactivate my account :p to be honest i cant remember tbe whole past and prsent tense stuff...i just write on paper and then type it out to add or edit something....i guess i should study up on it cause i cant remember for the life of me so you will probably be running into it a lot more..sorry!!!
Date: 06/01/14 12:19 pm Title: Prologue
Hey there! I'm excited to start this challenge and to read your story. The summary made me pretty curious! The biggest challenge for me is going to be the simple fact that it's a love story. If you know me, you know it's not something I'm interested in at all (in fanfic) but I also don't want you to panic about that either. lol So, now onto the story. I enjoyed your prologue. I think prologues are so important when it comes to stories. I am glad you included one. We now know his history and how jaded he is when it comes to finding someone who will love him for him and not for the Backstreet Boy. You've definitely enticed me to want to read more! Nicely done! :O)
Author's Response: Thanks Mare!! I always try to include a prologue to set the story I always found it to be important whether it was going to be like a pre story thing or an introduction, and with this story specifically I hold kind of dear to my heart cause I met my future husband in World Of Warcraft...and Nick actually plays the game sometimes so I thought it would be neat to really incorporate it all into a story :) (I will probably tell you little tid bits along the way on chapters the reason why I did the things I did with the story lol...cause sometimes my mind temds to wonder ;p
Date: 09/15/13 07:47 pm Title: :: Epilogue ::
great story...hope you write more stories :y
Author's Response: I have a sequel that I will be posting...this story goes into a series...so the next installment of the series will be coming hopefully tonight!
