Date: 06/16/17 01:20 pm Title: Chapter 79
Oh my...I'm crying so much right now. It's so sad and I want them to have their happy ending.
How wonderfully beautiful and realistically written.
I'm going to be sad when this ends.
Thanks again for sharing.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Sorry for making it so sad, but I'm glad you're into it. Thanks for the compliments!
Date: 06/16/17 12:29 am Title: Chapter 78
You've been on a roll with these updates these last few weeks. And this might be the longest fic I've ever had the patience to read. Kudos to you for maintaining my interest for over 3 years when I first starting reading it.
In response to a previous comment, I wish I knew which Kevin/Nick slash fic that Kevin had mentioned in that Perez video. I wanna read it so badly.
AIDS? In my head, I'm hearing Howie's mom sadly saying, “Not the AIDS…” from Chapter 7. And it's all the more tragic for this to happen to Howie right after the pool action.
Oh Gosh. There's only 2 more chapters and an epilogue? That doesn't seem to leave enough room to tie up Howie's loose ends. It seems as though there's a tombstone with his name on it. It was nice knowing you, Howie. :'(
Author's Response: Thanks for sticking with it that long!! I do tend to write long stories and take a long time to write them. I wish I knew which story (or stories?) Kevin had read too! Aww, I know; it's so sad! I will say that the last few chapters are pretty long. I was very determined to end this with Chapter 80 (and an epilogue), not 81 or 82, because I like nice, round numbers LOL. So there's still a lot to come!
Date: 06/15/17 06:32 pm Title: Chapter 78
“I didn’t mean for my sexy body to literally take your breath away.” HA! Trust Nick to make inappropriate comments at the most serious of times, lol. I liked the little glances he and Howie were shooting each other as they're trying to define their relationship while they were in the hospital. That was cute. I like how you've bookended this with the same infection that Holden had - and that you also called that out within the story because I definitely wouldn't have remembered the name! It seems like it's downhill for Howie from here though. You weren't kidding when you said it was going to be an emotional rollercoaster of an ending. Now that I've read Nick's perspective he seems more into it with Howie, admitting that he missed him and all that. So it's sad to see Howie take a turn for the worse just as Nick's starting to come around. Can't wait to see what happens next.
Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad you liked Nick's comments and the exchange of glances between them. Yeah, I liked bringing it full circle, back to how the story began. I'm glad you thought Nick seemed more into it with Howie; I was worried that by skipping some time and not writing a chapter of Nick in Tennessee that it might not be believable, but I couldn't think of anything to write that wouldn't be just filler.
Date: 06/15/17 02:20 pm Title: Chapter 78
Thank you for updating again.
I'm so worried about Howie now. I fear this is going as I predicted. Nick choosing Howie and Howie dying (cries)
But maybe...just maybe you'll let him live.
My next prediction however is that Howie does have full blown aids and he will die BUT not before Nick makes a serious commitment and marries Howie. For 1 to make sure he can be with him legally at the end and 2 to finally let the outside world know how he really feels.
Again I could be wrong but I like speculating.
Author's Response: Love your speculations! I can't say too much more, except thanks for reviewing! I'm going to post the next chapter tonight.
Date: 06/15/17 11:58 am Title: Chapter 78
Great chapter. Of course, at the end, I started humming "Everyone has AIDS!". Did you as you wrote this? LOL. I'm going to hell, but it'll be a fun handbasket! #Insensitive.
Author's Response: I pretty much sing that song every chapter LOL. So, yes! Party in Hell! Thanks, ZDR!
Date: 06/15/17 12:01 am Title: Chapter 77
At first I thought that this chapter was going to end with Nick going to his appointment and finding out he had AIDS. Glad that wasn't the case! It also seems like he's sort of figured himself out. But part of me thinks he's still on the fence and has decided to just go with Howie as the easiest option. Like, he likes him well enough so why not just give it a chance, you know? He did seem a bit more open this time (kissing Howie right away and being way more aggressive than he had been in the past.) But we'll see. Whatever it is, Nick better figure it out because I doubt Howie's making it to the end of the story! I feel like he's the one with AIDS at this point, brought on by his liver failure and all the complications that came with his medication for that.
Oh also, I have to commend you for the sex scene in this chapter! It came off as really tasteful and I think it was important to show their relationship from a physical standpoint right before Howie got sick again. Great work as always.
Author's Response: Can you believe I had the opportunity to give Nick AIDS and didn't do it? Trying to change things up a bit! LOL Thanks so much for the compliment on the sex scene! I wasn't planning on writing one, but thought, like you said, that it was important to show their physical relationship at least once more before the end of the story. I really tried to make it not graphic for the people who don't like slash, so I appreciate you thinking it came across as tasteful. Thanks!!
Date: 06/14/17 05:08 am Title: Chapter 77
So I spent the day catching up, and I'm sorry I didn't review each chapter. But that's more because I kept clicking than not wanting to give the feedback you deserve ZDR! I always enjoy Howie/Nick/BSB torture, but the angst in this is delicious. I also feel you really play Nick/Howie in a realistic light. It's not easy, it wasn't "always there" for Nick, you made it complicated.
Knowing there's only 2 chapters (you said 80 right?) to go makes me so curious how you'll end it.
Author's Response: Aww, thanks for catching up and leaving a review! This is probably the angstiest story I've ever written, which is a lot coming from me LOL. I appreciate the compliment about the Nick/Howie relationship seeming realistic. Nick's feelings were definitely tricky for me to figure out. There will be 80 chapters, plus an epilogue, so 4 more to go. Thanks, ZDR!
Date: 06/11/17 04:00 pm Title: Chapter 76
Thank god Nick has taken a step to try and figure his shit out. Of course it had to be brought on by Howie literally forcing it out of him, but still. I liked how their conversation was interspersed with the clips about gay marriage from the news, that fit really well. I'm glad Howie's able to be rational and level-headed here, even though he's the one he's going through freaking liver failure. Get it together, Nick! Curious to see what'll happen now that they're apart and Nick doesn't feel chained to Howie anymore.
Author's Response: Yeah, that was a conversation that needed to happen. I'm glad you liked the gay marriage stuff in the news; 2014 turned out to be a perfect time for my first slash story to take place, with all going on. I didn't want to get too political with it, but figured Howie and Nick would take an interest and that it might help spark that much-needed conversation. Thanks for the review!
Date: 06/11/17 02:32 pm Title: Chapter 76
I can hardly keep up with your updates but that is definately a good thing.
I have a feeling we are nearing the end of this story.
I can see it ending in a few ways.
The least likely I think is Nick going back to Lauren and Howie finding happiness with someone else.
The more likely ones, IMO, are that either Nick is still torn but Howie doesn't live (cries) and he then goes back to Lauren.
The other one that I think is more what I want but I can see it happening. Nick realising that he can see a future for Howie and himself and then in the end he will choose him.
AND they live happily ever after.
It could ofcourse go way differently as you have done so many times where I thought you'd go one way and you went another. I love that...its unexpected lol.
A great job as Always. Can't wait for more.
Author's Response: I'm on the end-of-story updating streak, for sure! I have one more chapter to write and five more to post, so we're definitely nearing the end. Thanks for reviewing and sharing your predictions!
Date: 06/10/17 11:33 pm Title: Chapter 75
Hah! Love all the South Park references. Poor Howie, though. Things are really getting bad for him. I'm glad Nick decided to stay with him instead of leaving at the first chance he could. He still seems conflicted but at least he's being less of an ass about it now. And ugh, Howie at the end trying to get Nick to say he loved him back. I get it, he's going through all this rough stuff and he was just hoping for Nick to reciprocate his feelings. But if Nick had said it back I wouldn't have been natural. Good on Nick for just throwing in a Star Wars reference lol because there was really no other way to handle that. I hope if/when Nick does tell Howie he loves him it's sincere and not just because Howie's got all this liver fluid to drain LOL. Great chapter as always.
Author's Response: Thanks! I didn't think I'd be able to get through a whole story about HIV/AIDS without some South Park references, LOL. Nick is still conflicted, but he's stepping up. Him pulling a Han Solo with the "I know" instead of "I love you too" felt very Nick-ish, especially in this situation. Like you said, if and when he does say it, it needs to be sincere. Thanks, Steph!
Date: 06/10/17 02:21 am Title: Chapter 75
First, I will NOT be watching that video. Eww!! LOL
Second, I'm totally not surprised that Nick didn't say "I love you" back. There's no doubt in my mind that he loves Howie; he loves him just the same as he loves the rest of the fellas - as a brother.
Third, I'm also not surprised that Howie is rejecting his liver transplant. The poor guy; he just can't catch a break. So, in that vein of thought, I will reiterate my previous prediction that he's not going to make it to the end of the story.
Finally, I have to commend you for the transition of Nick and Howie's relationship. It seems totally forced now (at least from Nick's end). I've enjoyed the progression; very realistic.
P.S. Nick reads fan fic. I'm sure of it. Hell, I would put money on it in Vegas! Haha
Author's Response: Thanks! I think you hit the nail on the head with what you said about the way Nick loves Howie. That's something I have struggled with in this story, because I was willing to go for the full-on slash/romantic relationship IF I could make it seem realistic, but it's Nick that has always held me back. I could totally see Howie as a closeted gay man who is secretly in love with Nick, but it's always been harder for me to see Nick having romantic feelings for Howie, and I think it shows in the conflict that has come up throughout the second half of this story. I'm glad it seems realistic to you. You know, it wouldn't surprise me if Nick had read fanfic, but the only reason I question if he actually has is because he was asked about it once (I think it was in an interview with Perez Hilton?), and he seemed to think it was all sex stuff (visuals, except he didn't use that word). KEVIN was the one who knew that people have them hook up with each other in fanfics, which makes me think he's definitely read some LOL. For Nick's mental health, I honestly hope he doesn't read all the shit we write about him!
Date: 06/09/17 02:02 am Title: Chapter 74
No matter what the situation, Nick always has something to prove to someone else; prove that he can make a movie, prove that he can put out solo material, prove that he can write a book, prove that he can be on tv, etc., etc. Now, he's turned his relationship with Howie into something to prove. He's not in it for himself anymore. He's in it to keep Howie happy while he's sick and to prove to the other guys that he's "for real". Well, Nick, you can't get any more fake than you are right now. He wants out, but now he won't leave, and that's the worst thing he could possibly do.
Ugh! As much as I'm annoyed by Nick's stupidity at the moment, I loved the bromance with all the guys in this chapter. I miss the group dynamic; you write it so well!
Author's Response: That is such an interesting point! I never thought of it that way, but I like your interpretation. Glad you enjoyed the bromance, and thanks for the compliment! I feel bad that I didn't have more of it in this story, but I wanted to focus more on Nick and Howie's relationship and not complicate the storyline by having the other guys around all the time. Thanks for the review!
Date: 06/08/17 02:22 am Title: Chapter 74
Oh Nick :( What a rough way for him to have to sort out his feelings. I'm glad he's finally coming around though - like he hasn't totally sorted it out but he's realised that he was being kind of an ass and not giving Howie the attention he should have been. Even though they've got this relationship issue happening, they've still been friends for many years like you noted in this chapter. I liked the scene with all the boys in Howie's room and Nick kissing Howie. NICK!! Just break my heart, it's fine. Also I keep going back and forth because now I don't want Howie to die and I want them to live happily ever after! But also I want more drama. I can't decide. It's so much fun to read though!
PS I was listening to 1D while I was reading this chapter and felt guilty lol
Author's Response: LOL! I love this review. You know I love a nice, dramatic, rollercoaster of emotions kind of story, too! Glad this chapter made you feel as conflicted as Nick, LOL. Thanks!
Date: 06/05/17 09:15 pm Title: Chapter 73
Okay so finally caught up on your story. It was nice to have 3 chapters to read. Now 1st of Nick is a dick and 2nd Nick is a DICK. He should either leave Howie and go back to Lauren OR choose Howie and never see Lauren again and stop being a dick. Okay Nick rant over.
Now onto poor Howie. I kinda feel like Sakabelle in that Howie not should die or that I want him to die but that it might be unavoidable. What that means for Nick I don't know but I don't want him to stay with Howie out of pity OR cause he's a selfish Dick.
Have I said I think Nick is a...
Sorry I will leave it there.
Awesome job as ever.
Author's Response: So, if I'm understanding your review correctly... are you saying you think Nick is a dick?? LOL! :) He is definitely playing games with Howie, whether he realizes it or not. He can't help how he feels, but you're right that he does need to make a choice. Thanks for the review!
Date: 06/04/17 10:41 pm Title: Chapter 73
Hmmmm so will Howie getting sick complicate things as far as Nick is concerned? We all know that Nick is a people pleaser. Will he stay with Howie simply because his health is failing, or will he actually put his own feelings front and centre and go after Lauren? I think that he's going to go after Lauren; he still loves her and I feel as though Lauren is going to convince him that the HIV isn't the defining status of them being together or being apart.
As for the group dynamic, if Nick and Howie fizzle out and Nick gets back to Lauren, Howie is going to be the one to suffer when all of the guys are together. Nick will just slide right back into his heterosexual role with a female partner and rejoin his " bro" lifestyle with the other guys. They will all talk sports and boobs and move on; Howie will be the odd man out. The other guys will still accept him of course, but he won't be a part of the group in the same way.
So, how do I see this ending? I told you already that Nick will end it with Howie. So, I predict that Nick gets back with Lauren and that poor Howie either goes back into liver failure or decides to end it all before he can either get too sick OR before Nick can end their relationship. So, pretty much I don't see Howie making it to the end of this story. Is that terrible?? I don't know ... LOL
Author's Response: I love reading your take on everything and your predictions for how it will end. I'm afraid to say too much, so I will just say thanks for reviewing and leave it at that. :)
