Date: 11/17/15 08:24 pm Title: The Stubborn
*I hate that there isn't an option to reply XD*
*shivers* Yep, it was during the press conference of the documentary. I was watching and my heart literally stopped when he said that he thought about quitting. It was more than a year ago, more likely September because I remember seeing this photo of him on holiday and he had this look in his eyes (and this is why I can't stand fans who judge and think to know what he should do. We almost lost him and if he did quit we won't ever be here talking about a new album). I think panic attacks are most likely to be real: he already had them in the past (I remember him telling how he almost thrown up on stage during "Boys will Be Boys" and Aj had to cover him) and facing a tour in those conditions. *shivers*
I suggest that the designed driver to bring Brian home should be Nick. XD
Author's Response: *DID YOU MEAN DESIGNATED DRIVER?*
haha
You have some mad research skills, because I had no idea he had had panic attacks in the past (is there a video of him saying that?) I did see the press conference though, and all the while he was talking about it and kept getting more and more tensed up, I was like, ohhh hun, come here, it's alright. It's quite funny actually, the *fans* saying what he should do and that the group isn't doing enough to cover it up and that they don't care about their music and about their fans anymore. They found it very strange when I suggested that they should care more about Brian at this point than about the fans. I mean, I'm not going to be any less of a fan if he misses a note on live TV or not, it actually makes him seem more human, more relatable, I think. Not that it is not still horrible what's happening to him.
And yeah, the lack of a reply button kinda sucks, but if you want to keep the conversation going, just leave a new review, I guess. (that's the only way to do it here)
Date: 11/17/15 07:57 pm Title: The Stubborn
I swear... These boys... *shakes her head* one has just had a panic attack to the point of passing out and what they do? They let him go home alone! lol Let's add car accident to the list of problems that Brian has, right! lol
No one will ever be able to change my mind about the fact that we will never know how really bad and low Brian got during those months. Those dead eyes still haunts me (and inspire me to write, but that's another story! lol) and I think it scared the shit out of all of them. Especially Aj and Nick because it must be hard to be on the other side, to watch someone else (someone like Brian, especially) going through that self destruction they had lived through.
Author's Response: I should send somebody after him, shouldn't I? (to make sure a car accident doesn't happen)
I completely agree with you though, it was fairly shocking to see a whole different Brian in the documentary than the one we get to see during concerts or on tv shows. I think I did read an interview where he admitted he was in a particularly dark place that period his voice went out completely (which was only little over a year ago from now, if I'm not mistaken) That's kinda scary to know, to be honest. I don't know about the panic attacks though, let's hope that remains fiction in this story, although it doesn't seem too far fetched, judging by the situation.
Date: 11/17/15 03:54 pm Title: 1. My Love
Love this story.sad it's true to a point, but love how real you write. Love the drama at the end can't wait to see where you r taking this story. Awesome job.
Date: 11/16/15 09:10 pm Title: 8. My Nightmare
While the "fight" scene is my favorite, the end of it is one of those scenes I can't watch anymore. Especially for Brian's eyes: you have Nick that totally believes in him, that want to make him believing again and Brian just sit there with those dead eyes... (and you wish it was just a story you are writing.)
I love this level of drama... oops? lol A sane dose of Briangst is always good. U.U But I loved that it's Nick the one following him. #MyBabies
Author's Response: I get what you're saying about that scene, but I loved how real and raw it was. It was inspiring to see how this terrible situation did not only affect Brian, but the rest of the band as well. They're desperate search for a solution to a problem that's relatively new to them is what made the documentary real for me. And yes, whenever I try to think too hard about it, I do wish it was just a story, but sadly it's not. I do hope the added suspense and drama to this 'story' is still fictional though. It's truly astonishing how much pressure a soul can take.
Date: 11/16/15 07:02 pm Title: 8. My Nightmare
Holy cliffhanger! I love drama in fics, not real life. So keep the drama coming.
I am glad someone went looking for Brian though.
Nick busting down the door, reminds me of Kevin and AJ. But the circumstances are totally different here.
I just wonder if you will have Brian realize that the rest of the guys are not enemies. Or will he brush this off and snap at them for trying to help. I know sometimes it's easier to just push people away than to let them in.
Author's Response: yay, I was hoping you would see that parallel with Kevin and AJ there! It worked! Thanks for your review, it really helps me in continuing this story ^^
Date: 11/15/15 11:50 pm Title: 7. The Stranger
Ooh yes, two chapters so soon. This story is shaping up so well. You have written the fight nicely. I think you have really captured the moment and it makes me sad, of course. Because Brian did look so sad and I felt like my heart was breaking all over again reading this.
Can they kiss and makeup now? LOL
Now Nick is seeing Brian with more than a vocal issue? The stress can be killer sometimes. Argh.
Looking forward to what's next.
Date: 11/15/15 10:57 pm Title: 7. The Stranger
Before jumping on the Brian/Nick part, I wanna with Howie's words because they summon my thoughts on the whole debate about Brian's issues: we might be frustrated, we might get angry and want things to change (or the Boys to change) but it will never ever come close to what Brian had and still feels every single day.
Anxiety sucks. Anxiety is that small voice that keeps telling you how much you sucks, how much people are going to hate you because you weren't perfect or because you screwed up.
Even today I'm still amazed that he had someway the courage to go through an album and a tour of two years and half and never back down.
Ironically, that discussion is one of my favorite scene from the movie. Because that was the breaking point that bought Brian and Nick closer. That discussion helped them to see their distance, especially Nick. I think you got him perfectly: his anger wasn't strictly against Brian but more it was his frustration to see someone he admired becoming that shell. And who knows how really bad was the place Brian had been in those months.
(And that, summoned, it's the reason why I quit all fan forums. =.=)
Thank you for the sensitivity and trying to get past the "Brian has an ego and the Boys don't know how to face him." to truly understand what lies behind a smile.
Author's Response: exactly on point. I've been looking at the forums (which were actually the reason this story was written in the first place) and I'm like... what? How can people be so insensitive and stupid? I've been trying to get a word in there, but meh... it's like six against one. 'Just cut his solos,' is what I hear most. It's like saying you want him to shrivel in whatever deep dark place he's already in. It's just the fact that we fans know literally nothing about his mindset. Or maybe just a little, as I've heard AJ confirm a couple of times that Brian needs a lot of encouragement at this point to be able to believe in himself again. Cutting solos and bashing his ego is not likely ever going to give encouragement.
Anyway, that was my rant. Thank you very much for the review, I really appreciate it. I will continue this story, because I have finally figured out the direction I want to take it in. Let's just say (without trying to spoil anything) that it's going to try and deal with what it really means to be forced to handle so much stress and pressure for over three years.
Date: 07/21/15 07:18 am Title: 4. My Doubts
I thought this chapter was short but effective, with just enough dialogue at the right spots to convey the mood and Brian's experiences. The context for his kicking Nick out of bed is a nice touch, although I kind of wished there had been a bit more detail there. The tea episode was great, though! Brian's frustration and turmoil is really palpable, and it makes me wish for a sunnier or hopeful chapter soon, just to balance it out (or keep him sane). The way you've set up the end of this chapter makes me wonder if the story will continue beyond the stay in London through to the projected time when Brian is looking forward to being alone. As much as he seems to long for it, it surely doesn't seem like the healthiest thing when he's already prone to isolating himself...
Great developments and I hope you write more soon!
Date: 07/15/15 06:42 am Title: 3. My Fears
Hi, I just wanted to let you know how much I like this story. It's great that you're addressing actual issues and extrapolating from what we know from the documentary and other interviews to weave the plot.. like tying up all of the hints and glimpses we have gotten over the past few years. Your characterization seems great and I like your focus on Brian's pov! I think thinks must have been this traumatic for him in RL. I wonder what you'll incorporate next... his tea deliveries to Nick, maybe? Looking forward to the next update and thanks!
Author's Response: That's exactly my intention XD I'm very glad you like it. I try to stay as close to original events as possible to try and find out how this whole thing might have affected him and the other members.
Date: 07/13/15 04:55 am Title: 3. My Fears
I do appreciate AJ being there while Brian is having his panic attack, those are no fun at all. And glad to see AJ's compassion. I like how you have written AJ, I have never met the guy, but it seems real.
I hate that Brian has been going through this, doesn't seem fair. But I keep the faith.
So, we have seen AJ be supportive and positive, while Brian seems hopeless. It's hard telling someone yes, everything is going to be alright when all they see is no, no, no, it won't work out.
Wonderful update, waiting.... Slightly, patient for the next one.
Date: 07/12/15 12:18 am Title: 2. My Life
Yes,I know what you mean about the insensitivity of some "fans". Some people expect the guys, especially Brian, to be perfect. He's human, people tend to forget.
Really broke my heart, their reactions. Business like and anger? Yikes. But it is an honest reaction that you sometimes can't help but show. At least they were a little bit supportive, at least for now. Sounds like things are about to go downhill and fast. Great update.
Author's Response: Yeah, their reactions may seem a bit harsh, but keep in mind that this story is mainly from Brian's point of view and how he perceives those reactions. They might have been not so angry and insensitive about his situation as he thinks, just because HE is angry and insensitive towards it.
Date: 07/11/15 03:34 am Title: 1. My Love
It's dark, it's light, it's insightful.
A letter to leighanne? I'm glad he has his rock though, she had been very supportive through all this.
It's scary to think about, and I know the subject is touchy, but it helps one realize how inspiring Brian truly is. I know I personally would not be as strong as he is. Shows the depth of his character.
Is this a one shot? Would be lovely to see this continued.
Author's Response: It's really weird to leave a one-shot hanging like this, wouldn't it? :)
Anyway, I scoured one of the forums on BSB and read the huge response to Brian's problems. Some(read: most) of it made me very angry and confused at the apparent insensitivity people seem to have towards the situation and the inability of placing yourself in his shoes for even a moment. I'm trying to do that with this story, and try to stay as close to his character as I can, what I can perceive from his character, anyway. We tend to ignore the gigantic emotional and mental toll this must have taken on Brian over the years. He's supposed to act rational and responsible at every single moment in his life?
I took a writer's class once and was told that in order to show character of your character, you must make terrible things happen to them, and show your readers what they're made of, so to speak. The sad part of this story, is that I do not need to make bad things happen, as they are already happening in real life.
