Chapter One – Kevin – November 5, 2010

Sadieville, Kentucky – Population 268

I left home with Mason at 2:00 in the morning. I figured it was the best time to leave; Mason was fast asleep and it wasn’t as if I was sleeping nights anyhow. As we pulled out of the driveway, I looked in the rearview mirror. The house which had always been so full of good memories now loomed behind me like a haunted house.

Ever since Kristin had left the night of AJ’s rehearsal dinner, my mind had been in a fog. I felt a deep well of depression blanketing me. My cousin, Brian had tried to convince me to stay with him and his wife Leighanne for a little while. I just couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to be around anyone.

Anyone except Mason.

I glanced back at him asleep in his car seat. His mouth was open, his full bottom lip stuck out in almost a pout. He had his arms tightly wrapped around his soft brown bear.

For the past few days he had followed me around asking me where his mama was. Each time I held back tears as I gently explained that she was working.

“Back soon?” he had asked. My heart ached; I wanted to tell him so badly that she’d be back with both of us soon. My gut instinct told me different.

I will admit that I’m not the easiest man to live with. I keep a lot of things bottled up inside and lately I had begun to desire to enjoy a slower pace of life. Kristin’s views were exactly the opposite. She was chomping at the bit for television and movie work;
her desires took her to LA one week, New York the next. Mason hated airplanes and after awhile I convinced her that we would be fine at home – just Mason and me.

Now it truly was just Mason and me.

After a few days of being surrounded by personal demons, I decided that I couldn’t stay in Lexington. Our house was making it ten times worse. Everywhere I turned I saw Kristin. She was in the bright yellow roses in the kitchen vase, the chair in the corner of our room…hell, she was in the air I breathed.

So, two days ago, I found myself on the phone calling one of my buddies to see if he was using his summer home.

“Dude, you don’t want to go there. It’s November in the middle of nowhere.”

It sounded perfect.

He told me where the hide-a-key was and so I began to pack, albeit frugally. I didn’t want to upset Mason so I packed his toys a little at a time.

The trunk was packed; the backseat around Mason’s car seat was full. Sadieville was only 30 miles from the heart of Lexington, but to me it felt like a million miles away.

One hour and three wrong turns later, I pulled into the town of Sadieville. It consisted off one main road. Fields stretched for miles around.

I pulled onto an old dirt path; heavy clouds hung in the sky, but no snow had started to fall. In fact, it was still in the low 50’s in the middle of the night.

With the gravel crunching underneath the tires, I pulled up to a small log cabin. A small lake that would be perfect for fishing sat close by; the backyard was never ending fields. I shut off the car, listening to the engine spit as the car began to cool off. I moved with deliberate slowness, determined not to wake Mason. I shut off my lights and opened the car door. Taking the flashlight from underneath my seat, I crept up to the house.

I ran my hand up along the top of the door. Right before I reached the edge, my fingers closed around metal. I plucked the key up and with the flashlight as a guide, I unlocked the door.

A thin layer of dust on the floor caught the wind and swirled around me like a shape desperately trying to form. My eyes squinted into the darkness; I could make out a fireplace, a couch, a small kitchen. I knew a bedroom and bath were off to the left. That made up the entire layout of the house.

I walked inside, flicking on a light on a small end table. Everything looked so… abandoned.

I felt right at home.

As I walked to the car I silently cursed myself. I was a 39 years old and I felt like I was more clueless than I had been at 18. The thing that made it worse this time around was that another person was depending on me to make good decisions. As I lifted Mason out of his car seat, I couldn’t help but think of the disappointed look on my mom’s face when I told her that I had failed at the most important union in life: marriage.

I placed Mason on the bed; I had his pack-and-play somewhere in the car. For the next two hours I made trips back and forth from the car to the cabin. Boxes left square imprints in the dust; I didn’t stop until the car was completely emptied. As I armed the car and walked in, I looked around.

When I had last talked to Brian, I could tell he thought I was insane. He asked if I needed someone to watch Mason; I had declined. I had already lost Kristin, the last thing I wanted was to be separated from my son.

I set to work unpacking the things that would be most important, namely Mason’s toys and his pack and play. I put eggs and milk in the refrigerator; bread on the counter. I could tell that it was a man’s summer fishing paradise; even with yearly use I could tell the place had never actually been cleaned. I couldn’t help but think that Nick would have been in heaven in the filth. Old Man Richardson thought differently.

For the first time since October 30, the clock actually moved. I took a moment to sit outside and watch the sun rise. I heard a rooster crow in the distance; a squirrel ran past with one more acorn to tuck away before the first snow. I had brought my cell phone, but I was stubbornly keeping it off. I had let few people know my whereabouts. I felt secluded.

I liked it.

My moment of peace was interrupted by startled cries inside. Getting out of one of the two wooden Adirondack chairs that graced the small porch, I headed towards the bedroom.

Mason sat in the middle of the mattress, his blonde hair askew. Tears were streaming down his face. When he saw me his bottom lip sucked in and out as if he thought he would never see me again. He held out his arms.

“Hey buddy,” I said softly, scooping him up. “It’s okay.”

“Daaaaaaah---ddddy,” he wailed. He smashed his face into my shoulder; I could feel the wetness seep through to my shoulder.

“It’s okay. We’re on a little trip,” I explained as I made my way out to the kitchen. As the sun streamed through the curtains, the condition of the place was even worse than I had initially thought. I took a pair of my socks and wiped off the kitchen counter before setting Mason down on it. He stared up at me, a perfect tear trail running down each cheek. He looked around as I opened the refrigerator and took out the milk.

“Mama?” he asked hopefully. I was in the process of unscrewing the cap; I paused.

“No buddy,” I said, a lump forming in my throat. “Mama’s still working.”

I set to work providing the perfect distraction for him. With a whisk in his chubby hand, I let him help me make his favorite breakfast; French toast. He slapped at the watery batter with the beater as I began to sing The Bear Went Over the Mountain.

I set a pan on the stove, and praying the pilot still worked, breathed a sigh of relief as the flames shot up. Mason watched as I dipped the bread into the mixture and set it sizzling into the hot pan.

A half hour later we sat at the table, a tub of butter and a big bottle of syrup between us. Mason stuck a huge piece in his mouth, grinning. He looked like a chipmunk; I couldn’t love him more.

“You better chew that into itty bitty bites,” I warned, leaning over and wiping syrup off his chin. His eyes danced as he made a show of chomping steadily.

After the stack of French toast dwindled away to nothing, I washed Mason’s hands and face and let him sit on the couch with his toys. I unpacked bleach, paper towels, and other household supplies and began to tackle cleaning.

The work was good for my mind and soul. I glanced over often to see Mason putting together a puzzle or amassing a pile of trucks. His nonsense babblings mixed with actual words was more entertaining than any television program. By the time lunch rolled around, most of the living room and kitchen was inhabitable. I made a peanut butter sandwich and left Mason at the table as I tackled the bathroom.

If I had thought the kitchen was bad, it couldn’t even compare to the bathroom. The stains around the toilet were colors I didn’t even know existed. I would have rather sprayed Mason off with a hose than put him in the tub the way it was. Six scrub pads and four rolls of paper towels later, I deemed it safe enough for two guys to use. I was going to have to have a serious talk with my buddy before he came back here to fish in the summer. He must have literally gutted fish in the bathtub. Disgusting.

I headed back out to the living room. I saw the empty paper plate and Mason’s blonde hair back on the couch. I walked around to see him playing with his wrecking crane.

“Whatcha doing buddy?” I asked.

Mason looked up; I frowned. I quickly glanced back at the crane.

The wrecking ball was no longer attached.

It was up his nose.

Chapter Two – Addy

I was in the midst of watering the plants in the outer office when the bell above the door chimed. I looked up to see a man carrying a little boy in his arm. Panic was written all over his face.

“Can I help you?” I said, setting down the watering can. I was wearing one of dad’s old physician’s jackets; I had hoped to transplant some of the plants in the office and prepare them for winter. The jacket was my idea of dirt repellent.

“My son has a wrecking ball stuck up his nose,” the guy explained. He had dark, almost black hair with an immaculate moustache and goatee. The little boy’s blonde head turned towards me; he smiled.

“I’ve got one nosey-troll,” he said, pointing to the nostril that was unobstructed. I smiled.

Now usually I would have explained that my dad, the town doctor, was out tending to Lois Walker’s bum knee and would be back shortly; but somehow I figured I could take care of a nose obstruction without risk of killing anybody. I opened the door to the exam room.

“Bring him back here,” I said. The man walked into the room behind me, setting his little boy on the metal exam table.

“What’s your name, sweetheart?” I asked the little boy.

“Mason Wichardson,” he said. He glanced over at his dad.

“I’m Kevin.”

I smiled. “I’m Addy Selinski.”

Mason’s nose was beginning to swell. I walked over to the table where my dad kept all of his tongue depressors, cotton swabs, and Band-Aids and grabbed a Kleenex. I walked back over and pressed the Kleenex tightly against Mason’s unobstructed nostril.

“Okay Mason,” I said. “I want you to blow your nose as hard as you can on the count of three. One…two…three.”

He gave a mighty blow that would have impressed the largest elephant. Like a rocket, the plastic wrecking ball flew out of his nose and hit the wall. It rolled to a stop at Kevin’s feet.

Mason thought it was the coolest thing ever; he gave a clap and giggled.

“Again!”

“Oh no,” Kevin said. He picked him up and gave him a hug.

“Thank you Dr. Selinski.”

“What did I do?”

I turned to see my dad standing in the doorway. He was a large guy, his frame filled up the doorway. His large belly, white beard, and sparkling blue eyes made him a well-loved figure in town. Mason obviously felt the same way.

“SANTA!” he called out happily.

I couldn’t help but laugh; my dad chuckled as he walked into the room. He held out his hand to Kevin. Kevin shook his hand; he looked confused.

“I’m Dr. Selinski,” my dad said. Kevin’s eyes darted over to me.

“This is my daughter Abby Selinski.”

“You’re not a doctor?” he said. I felt his gaze harden in annoyance.

“I never said I was,” I said lightly. He tightened his grip on Mason.

“So you just performed a medical operation on my son and you’re not a licensed doctor?” he said, his voice rising slightly.

It was my dad’s turn to look confused; he glanced my way.

“Mason had a plastic toy stuck up in his nose. I don’t think I need a PhD to ask a kid to blow his nose,” I retorted defensively.

“Did the toy come out?” my dad asked, directing his attention back to Kevin. He nodded reluctantly.

“Well, since you’ve come all this way for an actual doctor, why don’t I take a look and make sure that there’s no ruptured blood vessels or anything,” my dad said kindly.

He knew as well as I did that there wasn’t any rupture. I folded my arms across my chest as Kevin sat Mason back down. My dad shone his penlight up each nostril. Kevin glared at me, I narrowed my eyes.

The good-looking guys were always the worst.

“He seems fine,” my dad said. He shook Kevin’s hand again. “I’m sorry for the mix-up. This one’s on the house.”

Kevin picked Mason up again. “Thank you,” he said quietly.

“Are you new in town? I haven’t seen you around here before.”

“Mason and I are staying at the cabin on the outskirts of town for a few weeks,” he answered with what I thought was a little bit of reluctance.

“That fishing cabin?” my dad laughed. “I’ve seen those boys when they come up from Lexington for summer. I hope you fumigated that place before you let this little guy loose.”

Kevin gave a weak smile. “Yes, sir.”

After a few more minutes of chit-chat, Kevin and Mason left. My dad turned to me, smiling.

“Good work on the patient Dr. Selinski,” he teased. I scowled and returned to the outer office to continue taking care of the plants. He followed me.

“You know, if you gave yourself half a chance you would make a good doctor,” my dad said gently.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” I said. I pulled a few browning leaves off of one of the plants. I felt him come up beside me.

“How’s Lois?” I asked. Dad handed me the watering can and I continued my previous task.

“It’s just her knee. She needs surgery, but she refuses to go to Lexington. She’s a stubborn eighty year old lady. What else is new?”

I smiled. “I highly intend to be just as stubborn as her when I’m eighty.”

“You’re already that stubborn.”

“Hey!”

My dad drifted back to the office; I started my transplanting.

The sun had completely disappeared and I was covered from head to toe as I patted the soil tightly around the last plant. My dad peeked out of the office.

“You’re still here?” he said. I wiped my black hands on the coat.

“I just finished,” I said. I smiled proudly at my work. I had inherited my mom’s green thumb.

He walked out of the office, locking the door behind him.

“Let’s go home,” he said. “I feel like a bologna sandwich and some TV.”

I followed him out of the office and down the street, shaking my head. Every night was the same; he always felt like a bologna sandwich and TV. And he always fell asleep in front of the TV. And I always covered him with the blanket that my nana had made him when he graduated med school.

I was thirty-two years old and many would say that I lived a boring life. I disagreed. I had a safe life, a routine. I had already had a taste of the rest of the world and I had gotten hurt.

It wasn’t going to happen again.

Chapter Three – November 6

After I read Mason a bedtime story and he drifted off to sleep, I made my way back outside to the porch. I was still incredibly angry. I couldn’t believe the audacity of that woman. I had honestly believed she was a doctor; she was wearing a lab coat, for pete’s sake. I had let her perform an actual medical task on my son.

My faith in women had hit rock bottom.

I watched as the shadow of a raccoon scurried across the yard. He made the turn to go around the corner of the house. I listened astutely as the sound of a paw hit the metal trash can. The poor thing would be awfully disappointed; I had made sure to secure the lid just this morning. A few minutes later I saw him again, this time he headed towards the lake. Someone less attuned to nature might have missed it, but I could hear the slight slap of the paw as it tested the water. Winter was close, but it wasn’t here yet.

As the silence surrounded me on all sides, I stared up at the sky. I found the constellation Orion, the hunter. It was Kristin’s favorite constellation. I could recall lying out in our backyard on a blanket as I wove a tale of mythical proportions around Orion’s need to protect the both of us from anything bad.

Orion had failed miserably.

After another hour, I drifted back inside. Mason was fast asleep. I settled onto the couch and picked up The Odyssey. There was nothing like a large, never-ending book to whittle away restless hours. I was just at the part where Odysseus and crew visited the Lotus-Eaters and were captured by the Cyclops. It was my favorite part. I sprawled out on the couch, my feet dangling over the edge, and began to read.

Somewhere in the course of the adventure I must have fallen asleep. I dreamt that I was walking through a forest. I was looking for something; either that or I was lost. It was mid-day; the sun was directly overhead casting shadows through the foliage. I could smell a peculiar sweetness in the air, it was the type of sweetness that smelled like the most exotic perfume – a combination of flowers and good old-fashioned dirt.

As I pushed a large branch out of the way, I heard the distinct sound of horse hooves coming towards me. I stumbled over a large root sticking out of the forest floor just as a beautiful chestnut horse came into view. The woman riding him was even more beautiful.

She was wearing nothing more than a little white see through dress. The curve of her breasts was distinct. As she came closer to me, the sweet smell from before increased ten-fold. As she knelt beside me, I felt her fingers slide through my hair. Her hair was almost the same shade as her horse and her eyes were the most incredible amber. My eyes watched in pure fixation as she slid the straps of her dress off her bare shoulders.

She lowered her face to mine and we were but a hair’s breath away from kissing. My heart sped up in anticipation of sexual contact. It had been so long…

I was awakened by what sounded like a stampede happening outside. My body was still tingling from the lasting effects of the dream. Whoever the warrior princess was, I certainly hoped she would visit again. I was extremely irritated; it was the first time I had been in a warm, comfortable sleep in awhile. Someone was going to pay.

I didn’t stop to see if Mason was awake; as the noise seemed to grow closer and closer, the few items on the mantle actually shook. I threw open the back door of the cabin and stepped out into the huge field to see what was invading private land.

Three horses ran wild in the late fall field grasses. They seemed to be performing some kind of synchronized dance; they chased each other in a perfect circle, their hooves hitting the earth with precision and force. Of course, they were not acting alone. A very unwelcomed sight was leading the show.

Addy Selinski was on the back of a dappled white and grey. She had a cowboy hat slung low over her eyes, but there was no doubt it was her. She was wearing brown riding crops and a matching jacket. Her bottom bounced in perfect time as she leaned into the next turn. She shouted out to the other horses. As they once again came close to the house, I could see she was smiling happily.

At least she was until she saw me.

“WOAH!” she called out loudly. I saw her pull up on the reins of the dappled. “WOAH!” The other two horses stopped where they were, snorting a little impatiently. A beautiful chestnut stopped and scooped up some grass.

“What are you doing?” I said a little harshly as I walked up to her horse. He stomped his foot a little impatiently, pawing at the ground.

“Good morning to you too, Mr. Richardson,” she said.

“This is a private field,” I said, motioning to the land around the cabin. She looked around.

“I’ve never seen any “Get Out” signs before,” she said. "I use these fields in the fall and spring to exercise my horses.”

“Well, I think you’re going to have to find a new practice arena,” I said. Her gaze went to the house.

“Did I wake Mason?”

“You woke me,” I said grumpily. She took off her hat and set it in front of her.

“I’m sorry,” she said simply. “I won’t come out here this early again. But maybe I could come in the afternoon. I’d be happy to show Mason…”

I shook my head. “He doesn’t like horses.”

She cocked her head. “He doesn’t? What kid doesn’t like horses?”

In truth Mason loved horses. If he was awake right now, I’d have a huge problem on my hands.

“They’re big. He’s little.”

“I’m little,” she said, throwing her arms wide. I averted my gaze, the last thing I wanted to do was check the fraud doctor out.

“Don’t you have another place to practice?” I asked. I saw her arms fall back down to the saddle; I looked back at her. She was smiling wryly.

“I suppose I could run them up and down Main Street,” she said. “Or we could do laps around their barn.”

“All good ideas,” I said. I knew I sounded like a jerk; but I couldn’t help it. Even though she seemed fairly mature (albeit lippy), at the moment she was more annoying than Nick ever was. And that was saying a lot.

I watched as she put her hat back on and turned her horse. With a little click of her tongue, the horse began to trot. The other two followed suit.

“Sorry to bother you, Mr. Richardson!” she called out. “Try to keep little round objects away from Mason today!”

Before I could respond, she broke her horse into a fast gallop. The other two streaked behind her.

I headed back to the cabin; my thoughts were mixed with the anger of yet another go around with that girl and the eroticism of the forest girl in my dreams.

Luckily the racquet outside did nothing to wake Mason. I was able to take a shower and start breakfast before he scrambled out of bed and walked into the kitchen clad in his footed Toy Story pajamas.

“To infinity and scwambled eggs!” he cried as he wrapped his arms around my left leg. After the eggs were to the perfect fluffy consistency, I sat him in a booster seat and served him some eggs and toast. I stood at the counter to eat; my eyes went to the empty field. I bit down on my fork harder than I had intended. Muffling a cuss word; I felt myself grow angry.

It was all her fault.

Chapter Four - Addy

“I’ll take a pound and a half of bologna, Mary,” I said to the lady behind the deli counter. She laughed.

“Your dad is stuck in a rut, Addy.”

I shrugged. “I like to think of it as him just being a lifelong supporter of Oscar Meyer,” I said. “Maybe they’ll name a Weiner mobile after him.”

Mary weighed out the bologna and handed me the package. “You going to be in the office this afternoon? I’ve got an appointment for this callus on my heel. It’s a horse’s patoot.”

I smiled. “I’ll be around. I need to get dad caught up on some typing and filing.”

Mary patted my hand before I turned back to my cart. “You’re such a good girl.”

I didn’t know that I would go that far but I smiled and thanked her before heading off towards the fresh fruit. I wanted to get some apples and carrots for Robin Hood’s birthday.

Robin Hood was one of my three horses. He was a beautiful chestnut stallion. The first time I saw him I had this insane vision of me riding him through a forest like Maid Marion. Hence, the name Robin Hood was born.

Thinking of Robin Hood reminded me of the argument I had with Kevin that morning. I couldn’t help but scowl as I threw a few apples into a clear bag. That guy was perpetually waking up on the wrong side of the bed. Not only had he pissed me off, but he was also preventing me from giving my horses proper exercise.

I hoped his stay in town was going to be a short one.

I was halfway through the grocery store and was turning into the paper products aisle when my cart made direct contact with another. The vibration went up through my hands and I stumbled backward from the force of the collision. I looked up to apologize, but stopped before I had managed to even utter a syllable.

Kevin was holding onto his cart, a look of annoyance written all over his face. Mason was buckled into the cart and looked perfectly happy, collision and all.

“Bumble cars! Bumble cars! Boom!”

“I’m sorry,” I finally managed to say. “I didn’t see you.”

“That’s because you took that corner way too fast.”

I blinked. “Excuse me?”

He scratched his goatee and sighed. “How come I keep running into you?”

“Probably because there’s a little more than 250 people in this town and that’s including the 30 people in the Old Folk’s home,” I said. “The odds of seeing me are better than any lottery ticket.”

I watched Mason open a plastic bag and pull out a chocolate chip cookie. Kevin took it from him and put it back in the bag.

“Oh, he can eat that in the store,” I said. “I used to do it all the time when I was little. As long as you tell them up at checkout it’s fine.”

The look I got from Kevin could have kept my frozen food cold for days. “As his father I think I know what’s best.”

He backed up his cart a little and began to move around me. “Good day, Ms. Selinski.”

“Byeeeee!” Mason called out happily. Mason’s disposition was like night and day compared to Kevin’s.

As I finished my shopping, I couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to Mason’s mother.

Was that the cause of Kevin’s bitterness?

----------------------------

After unloading the groceries at home, I headed to dad’s office. I threw myself into typing and filing. My dad was old school and preferred to keep everything by hand. He had a photographic memory. He knew everyone in town and their ailments. I had seen him walk down Main Street, spot someone limping, and diagnosis them right on the street. He was my hero.

My mother had left town when I was eight years old. As much as I’ve tried to push the day she left out of my mind, it’s burned into my memory like it happened yesterday. I remember coming home from school one day and running into the bedroom where she spent her days watching the afternoon soap operas. The first thing I noticed was that her perfumes and her beautiful silver hairbrush that I had coveted had disappeared from her armoire.

I had gone from room to room calling out her name. Our house only had two bedrooms, a bath, a living room, and a kitchen. It didn’t take me long to realize she wasn’t there. Once I glanced into the closet she shared with my dad, I knew something was wrong. All of her clothes were gone.

When my dad had come home from work several hours later, he had found me sitting on the floor of their closet in the dark, hugging my knees and rocking back and forth. I remember him picking me up and I was so thankful as the smell of rubbing alcohol hit my nose. He always smelled like a hospital; it was the best smell in the world. In the weeks that followed, I never saw him cry. Every day one more picture disappeared off the mantle and their wedding album seeing to vanish in thin air. To this day, I don’t think we’ve talked about mom more than once or twice, and even then not for more than a few seconds. For years I had held out hope that she would come back; I blamed myself. If I hadn’t whined so much, if I hadn’t spilled my milk at dinner…

The experience with my mom was just one more reason I didn’t want a relationship. The last thing I needed was to get attached to someone and then have them up and leave me in the middle of the night. That fear was also the reason I didn’t want children. I knew raising me alone was rough for dad and I wasn’t half as strong as he was.

As I put the last file in the drawer, I couldn’t help but think about Mason again. It seemed odd that a three year old little boy wouldn’t have his mom around him. I knew I shouldn’t care, but something bothered me. Through the coldness of Kevin’s green eyes there was something there that I couldn’t peg…

“Addy, can you go fill this prescription for Mr. Halowitz?”

I jumped in my chair. Dad was standing right behind me and I hadn’t even heard him.

“What?”

He smiled. “Can you go fill this prescription? I hate to have the old fellow go to the pharmacy; it’s in the opposite direction of his house.”

I nodded and took the prescription that my dad held out.

“I’ll be back in ten,” I said. Dad waved nonchalantly.

“No problem. We’re talking about the game. He’s not in a hurry.”

I grabbed my purse, made sure to put out the bell in case anyone else came in, and headed down the block towards the pharmacy.

The thought of getting an old fashioned green river float while I waited for the prescription to be filled was enough to raise my spirits.

Rascal Flatts had it right when they sang about missing Mayberry. Sadieville was my own personal Mayberry, and I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else.

Chapter Five – Kevin

My day had gone from bad to worse. First was the early morning horse incident, then I had ran into her at the grocery store, and now I had succeeded in cutting my finger on a knife as I chopped onion for our sloppy joes. I wrapped a towel around my bloody finger and walked into the bathroom. I sorted through the medicine cabinet: no Band-Aids. I rooted through the First Aid kit that I had for Mason: no Band-Aids.

I ran my finger under cold water, but it still continued to bleed once my skin fell in contact with the air. Reluctantly, I put Mason in the car and drove the short distance to the pharmacy I had seen when we went to the grocery store earlier that day.

Mason held on to my uncut hand as I pushed the door to the pharmacy open with my shoulder. The bell rang overhead, announcing our presence.

A beautiful brunette sat at a counter that ran along the front of the pharmacy. She had her back to me, sipping what looked like a Green River float. I hadn’t had one since I was a little older than Mason. I could almost taste the sweet syrupy concoction on my tongue.

“Excuse me?” I said. “Do you know what aisle the Band-Aids are in?”

The brunette turned around; I stifled a groan. God had an awful sense of humor.

It was Addy Selinski, again.

She seemed to find something funny; I saw the corner’s of her mouth lift in a little cock-eyed smile.

“We meet again Mr. Richardson,” she said lightly. “Hi, Mason.”

“Hi!” Mason said. My little songbird was perpetually happy. I almost wished some of that gladness could rub off on me. Yet, at the moment I had other things on my mind. I noticed the blood had completely soaked through the paper towel.

“Band-Aids?” I asked again, a little impatiently.

Addy pointed behind her. “Aisle three.”

Mason skipped along as I found aisle three and with it the Band-Aids. As I picked up a box, I felt a presence behind us. When I turned, I found Addy watching us.

“What?” I asked impatiently. She pointed to my paper towel.

“I don’t know that a Band-Aid’s going to fix your problem, Mr. Richardson. What did you do?”

My eyes narrowed. “Is that your physician’s opinion, Ms. Selinski?”

She laughed. I could tell I was getting under her skin. “No, it’s called common sense. Maybe you’ve heard of it?”

I brushed past her, making my way up to the counter. I heard footsteps following behind me.

“You know, my dad could take a look at that. If your finger’s still bleeding that hard, you’re going to need stitches.”

An old man rang me up. As I paid, he nodded at Addy who had sat back down and was calmly sipping her drink.

“She’s right, y’know. I don’t think her or doc have ever steered one of us wrong before.”

I glared at her; she smiled and gave me a little wave with her fingertips.

“Can we go visit Santa?” Mason said, tugging on the hem of my flannel shirt.

With a sigh of frustration, I looked down at Mason. He was smiling up at me adoringly.

“You might need steeches,” he said seriously. I heard Addy laugh into her drink.

I was stuck between a bossy brunette and my adorable cherubic son. Taking my Band-Aids, we headed down the street to the doctor’s office.

-----------------------------------

“Good thing you came in Kevin,” Dr. Selinski said as he applied one last stitch to my finger. “That was a pretty deep cut. What were you doing?”

“I was chopping some onions for barbeque,” I replied. I leaned over and looked out into the office. Mason had a crayon in his right hand, busily scribbling in a book. In his left hand he held what looked to be one of the chocolate chip cookies from the grocery store. Addy was sitting right beside him, talking quietly, nibbling her own cookie.

“My Adelaide makes amazing barbeque. She makes it after church every Sunday. Maybe you and your son would like to join us?”

I looked at him surprised. “I’m sorry?”

Dr. Selinski laughed. “I just invited you and your boy for some barbeque tomorrow. I don’t think you’ll be cooking much tonight.”

Looking at him I had one irrational moment: he did remind me of Santa. My respect for those older than me made it hard for me to say no. I looked around the room, my mind trying to think of a polite excuse. I couldn’t think fast enough.

“That sounds nice, sir,” I said quietly. He wrapped some gauze over the stitches and patted my arm.

“Well, if you want to come to church, that starts at 10:00. We always eat at 12:30. Just go down a ways and hook a left at the road. Our house is the first one on the right. Can’t miss it.”

I walked into the office, the doctor trailing behind. Mason looked up with a grin. Chocolate was smeared all over his face.

“Cookies for dinner!” he said happily. I grabbed a Kleenex from the desk and knelt down beside him. With a little spit, I started to clean up his face. He wrinkled up his nose.

“Addy, we’re going to need some more barbeque for tomorrow,” Dr. Selinski said from behind me. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her look up at her dad in confusion.

“Oh?”

“Mr. Richardson and Mason will be joining us for lunch,” he said jovially. I saw a look of horror cross her face. I secretly enjoyed it.

“Unless it’s too much of an inconvience,” I said sweetly. The doctor gave a deep belly laugh.

“Not at all,” he said.

Addy remained speechless. I scooped Mason up and put some money on the counter.

“Thanks for fixin’ me up,” I drawled out; my Kentucky accent coming out full force.

I grinned at Addy; she was still looking as if she had been told she had to eat a rat. “See you tomorrow, Ms. Selinski.”

As I fixed Mason a toasted cheese sandwich for dinner, I couldn’t help but drift off in thought. I hadn’t been to church since things between Kristin and I had begun to sour. The thought of some inspirational music and a good sermon had me actually looking forward to something. I put the plate down in front of Mason, and sat across from him, resting my chin in my hands.

“Daddy hurt?” Mason asked. I blinked a little and shook my head.

“Nope, I’m all better,” I said, patting the gauze tenderly.

I only wished stitches could mend my heart as fast as they would my finger.

Chapter Six – November 7 - Addy

The preacher had already started his sermon when the doors to the church opened. I knew without turning around who was walking in. I heard a deep, but quiet voice, say ‘excuse me’ to those in the pew behind me. I turned my head a fraction of an inch and saw Kevin sit Mason down with a coloring book and crayons. I turned my head back to the front of the room as Kevin lowered himself down on the bench; I heard it creak softly as he leaned forward and picked up a hymn book.

I must admit that I’m not the most attentive person at church. Often times I let my gaze wander, silently observing those around me. The only time the preacher fully had my interest was when the choir stood and we began to sing. It didn’t matter how off-key I was, I sang loud and proud. Today the preacher must have been in an especially good mood, all of the songs he chose were especially light and uplifting. Kevin’s voice was so close it was almost as if he was singing right in my ear; I hated to admit it, but I could have listened to him sing all day.

In truth, I wasn’t completely oblivious to who he was. I had been young once and I knew who the Backstreet Boys were. However, I had never listened to one of their songs in my life. While my friends chattered on and flipped through magazines, I was more interested in Brooks & Dunn’s latest single than a group of boys that sang about loving someone until they died. It was all lies; at least country songs spoke about the grim reality of the world: cheating, heartbreak, dying. Country music had it all.

As we sat back down and put our hymn books away, I felt a little hand on my shoulder. I turned to see Mason smiling at me and my dad.

“Hi Addy. Hi Santa,” he said happily. Kevin tugged him back down and put a finger to his lips. My dad gave him a sparkly-eyed wink.

As the preacher ended his sermon, my stomach twisted a little. I wasn’t looking forward to having Kevin over for lunch. Mason, yes. Kevin, no. At the end of the church service, people came up and shook my dad’s hand and hugged me, chattering happily about some new event or complaining about an ailment. I smoothed the hem of my white cotton dress and tugged my sweater tighter around my shoulders. Everyone told me it was taboo to wear white after Labor Day, but I didn’t care. It made me think of summer all year round.

Before we left the church, dad turned and addressed Kevin.

“Son, feel free to follow us back to our place,” he said. Kevin just nodded.

I got into the car and dad took the quick five minute drive back home. When we pulled up, I headed straight to the kitchen. I hoped that by keeping busy, I wouldn’t have to make any small talk with Kevin.

My dad’s booming voice filled the living room as he lead Kevin and Mason in. His head peeked into the kitchen.

“Can we have three glasses of lemonade, sweetheart?” he asked. I nodded.

“Coming right up.”

I took out three tall glasses and one shot glass. The lemonade went in the three tall ones; whiskey went into the shot. I placed the glasses on a tray and downed the whiskey before I headed into the living room. Dad didn’t know that I had ever tried alcohol; I kept my bottle hidden for emergencies. Having Kevin in my living room constituted an emergency.

Kevin and Mason were sitting on the loveseat; Dad was in his recliner. I set the tray down on the coffee table between them.

“Lunch will be ready in five minutes,” I said, looking at my dad. The hair on the back of my neck rose. I felt Kevin’s eyes on me.

“Alright sweetheart, thank you,” he said.

I walked back in the kitchen. As I heated my famous barbeque, I listened to the conversation drifting in from the other room.

“So Kevin, what do you do?”

“Do, sir?”

“Yes, what line of work are you in?”

“Oh, I’m…” Kevin seemed to trail off. “I’m a singer, composer. I’ve done a little acting. Right now, my full time job is taking care of Mason.”

“What type of music are you interested in?” My dad asked. I heard a different tone in his voice. I paused, my wooden spoon hovering over the pan.

“Mostly pop and r&b,” Kevin said. “I’ve also performed in Chicago and I’ve dabbled with writing some Christian music. My cousin’s actually done very well in that genre.”

“My wife’s greatest love in life was theatre,” my dad said. My eyes widened in surprise. I hadn’t heard him say anything about mom in…

I couldn’t remember how long it had been.

“Was?” Kevin asked softly.

“Well, for all I know, she might be a Broadway star,” my dad said with a laugh void of humor. It’s been almost twenty five years since I’ve seen her.”

Dad’s voice cracked. Quickly turning off the burner, I poked my head out into the living room. My dad was staring down at his lemonade and Kevin was…

Kevin was staring at my dad as if he was knew exactly how he felt.

“Lunch is ready,” I said, quickly ducking back into the kitchen. The only footsteps I heard were Mason’s. He rounded the corner and grinned up at me.

“I’m hung-gee!” he said. I ruffled his hair and sat him in a chair I had stacked with phone books. It was a small town girl’s version of a booster seat.

My dad and Kevin walked in quietly. My dad seemed lost in memories. I filled homemade sandwich buns full of barbeque and set plates in front of all three guys. As I wiped my hands on a kitchen towel my mind struggled to bring up a memory of mom. Besides her penchant for soap operas, I vaguely remembered lying in my bed while mom and dad argued in the living room. I had never really understood what made mom so angry; but a few words came back to me. Small town…no opportunities…the stage…alive…

With a deep breath, I sat down. I watched Mason take a big sloppy bite of sandwich; the red sauce covered his entire face. Kevin glanced over and met my eyes. For once, he didn’t seem so hostile.

This was going to be interesting.

Chapter Seven – Kevin

As we ate lunch, I couldn’t help but keep stealing glances at Addy. When I had entered the church this morning, a wave of realization like an ice cold shower had hit me smack in the face when I saw her standing there in that white dress. In my mind I placed her just the way she looked at that moment on her chestnut horse from the day before and came up with the woman in my dream.

That was bad.

“So, do either of you like horses?” Dr. Selinski said as he dug into potato salad with gusto. I tensed up. My cover was just about to be blown.

“Horses?!” Mason said, his face lighting up. “I wove horses!”

I felt Addy look at me; I had the decency to blush.

“You do?” she said. He nodded enthusiastically.

“Have you ever ridden a horse?”

Mason shook his head. “Daddy says I have to be big.”

“Would you like to see my horses?” Addy said.

She might as well have asked Mason if he wanted ice cream sundaes for dinner the rest of his life. The rest of the food on his plate was forgotten; he was scrambling off the stack of phone books like nobody’s business.

“Mason,” I said calmly. “We’re not done with lunch yet.”

With a huge pout he got back up on the chair. I tried to eat slower than I had ever done before, but finally I couldn’t prolong it any longer. I wiped my mouth with my napkin. Addy and her father had finished a good fifteen minutes before me. Both of them looked at me almost as eagerly as Mason was. I scooted my chair back from the table and swept Mason up in my arms.

“Lead the way.”

-------------------------------------

Addy exchanged her flat shoes for a pair of barn boots, but she was still in that damn white dress as we headed to a barn. It was an old rickety barn with the paint peeling off the walls and spider webs everywhere. The strong scent of hay invaded my senses as she pushed the barn door open. Mason craned his head and squinted into the darkness.

Her boots made a loud and sure ‘tap tap tap’ as she headed farther into the barn. I saw her reach up and a bare bulb illuminated the space around us. The windows were caked with dust and dirt, sunlight struggled to filter through.

The three horses that I had seen the other day were in their stalls. Addy went up to her dappled white and grey first. As she put her hand on its nose; the horse whinnied and stomped it’s foot in excitement.

“This is Maiden Moonshine,” she said, kissing the horse’s nose. She moved over to an all black horse. “This is Puck, the Trickster King. He’s my ornery horse.”

I held Mason as he leaned over and petting Puck. The horse tossed his head a little bit but finally hung his head completely over the stall. Mason giggled and touched the ears that were twitching wildly.

“And last, but not least, is my favorite boy. This is Robin Hood. It’s his birthday today.”

Robin Hood was the chestnut stallion. His head came out over the stall and nuzzled her chest. She laughed, her hand stroking his head all the way to his mane. She stood on the tips of her boots as she wrapped both arms around his neck.

She turned with the most amazing smile I had ever seen. The little flecks of browns and golds in her eyes danced.

“Would you like to give him a birthday treat, Mason?”

“Yeah!”

Addy opened a cabinet and took out a shiny red apple. I watched as she lifted the bottom of her dress and gave it a good shine. My mouth went dry.

I liked it so much better when I was annoyed with her. She wasn’t the girl from my dream; and even if she was, I wasn’t interested.

Mason took the apple and Addy instructed him how to place it in his hand. Giggles sailed to the rafters as the horse gently nibbled at the apple. I had one moment of panic; the horse’s mouth was big enough to take Mason’s whole hand off with one bite. Even so, I remained quiet, and Robin Hood backed off when he had his fill of the apple.

Mason held up the core for me to inspect. “Daddy, look!”

I glanced over at Addy. She met my eyes.

“Do you ride Mr. Richardson?”

“Kevin.”

“What?”

“Call me Kevin.”

She glanced down at the wood planked floor. I saw her shoulders rise and fall before she looked back at me.

“Do you ride Kevin?”

"A little," I admitted. She looked thoughtful.

"I'll make a bet with you," she said. "We race three laps around this barn. If I win, I can use your field to exercise these guys. If I lose, then I will do my darndest to make sure you don't constantly run into me."

I looked at her thoughtfully.

"Daddy, race! Race!" Mason said. I don't think he quite understood the full extent of the conversation.

"So, you're saying that if I win I won't randomly bump into you anywhere?" I said. She smiled.

"I have a way of becoming invisible," she said lightly.
Somehow I highly doubted it. I felt a tug on my chin. I looked down at Mason.

"C'mon! You can win!" he said. He pointed to the black horse. "Ride that one!"

Only my son would think the ornery horse would have a chance of winning. I glanced at the dappled grey and white.

"I'll take the Maiden here."

Five minutes later Mason sat on a hay stack as Addy and I
saddled up the horses. She had chosen Robin Hood; I eyed the chestnut with a little trepidation. With a deft shake, I tested the tightness of the saddle I had put on Moonshine. She gave an annoyed snort, her back leg kicking up.

"Don't forget she's a lady," Addy said lightly. "She expects gentlemen to treat her nice."

I bit my tongue before I made a crude remark. Instead I placed the bit in Moonshine's mouth and threw the reins over. I was ready to go. I glanced over at Addy. She was leaning against her stall door, her leg up on a haystack, flicking a big chunk of mud off the front of her boot. I saw bare leg for miles.

"You're not going to race in that dress, right?" I asked. She looked over at me and smirked.

"Why not?"

Oh lord.

Chapter 8 - Addy

I called my dad out to watch Mason as Kevin and I brought the horses out into the yard. The day was quickly turning over to evening and the temperature was finally cooling to the point where goosebumps ran up my arms. Even so, I shrugged out of my cardigan sweater. I didn't want anything to hinder my speed.

With the heel of my boot, I drew a line in the dirt.

"This is the start and finish line," I explained. Kevin looked at me cooly, his hands wrapped around Moonshine's reins. "Like I said, three laps around the barn. Whoever crosses first, wins."

Kevin nodded. With the experience of someone who could mount a horse in their sleep, I placed my boot in the stirrup and swung myself over, tucking my dress as ladylike as possible around me. I was surprised to see Kevin mount Moonshine just as easily (of course he had the added benefit of jeans).

"Alright," my dad said with a smile. I was pretty sure this was the most excited thing that had happened around the house since the time that I almost caught my hair on fire at Thanksgiving three years ago. "On the count of three."

Mason's little voice chimed right in with my dad's thunderous one.

"One...two..."

"TREE!" Mason shouted.

I didn't waste any time. With a heel to the side, Robin Hood took off.

I had a clear lead as we rounded the barn. With the first lap complete, I knew that I would soon be enjoying my morning rides through the fields again.

My cockiness subsided halfway through lap number two. Moonshine caught up to Robin Hood and they ran side by side. I looked over and saw Kevin grinning at me. With a tap of his heel, Moonshine jumped out in front.

I leaned forward as far as I possibly could, digging my heels into Robin Hood’s sides. His speed increased and soon I was leading by a neck as we started lap three. I could practically taste victory. I laughed as I remembered the scowl etched on Kevin’s face as he scolded me for trespassing on his property. It would feel so good to gallop around without a care in the world while he sat in the cabin pulling his hair out.

I became so caught up in my thoughts that as we rounded the last corner of the barn, Kevin caught up with me once more. I put myself completely forward, the wind lifted the back of my dress.

“I forgot to tell you,” he yelled. “I really like that dress. And those lace undies.”

One of my hands flew to the back of my dress. Robin Hood sensed the slackening of the reins and slowed up slightly. By the time I urged him to speed up, Moonshine and Kevin flew over the line I had drawn in the dirt.

“YAY DADDY!” Mason cried as Kevin brought Moonshine to a halt. I watched Kevin scoop Mason up into the saddle with him. They did a victory lap; Mason whooped with glee.

I was numb from shock. I had lost.

And worse than that, Kevin had obviously been focusing on my ass to notice the detailing of my underwear.

What the hell did that mean?

-----------------------------------------

“Thank you for the nice evening,” Kevin said as he shook my dad’s hand a little while later. Dad broke into a huge grin.

“Anytime,” my dad said enthusiastically. I scowled. After taking several minutes to think about the implications of Kevin liking my dress and seeing my underwear, I had concluded that it was his form of sabotage. If he would have kept his mouth shut I would have won, hands down. Now I was going to be subjected to running the horses around in boring circles for their daily exercise.

“Thanks for the race, Addy,” Kevin said.

For Mason’s sake, I held my tongue. My pride was smarting. I nodded.

“No problem,” I said quietly. Kevin frowned slightly, then looked at Mason.

“Alright. Let’s say goodbye, buddy,” he said.

“Bye Addy!” Mason said. I couldn’t help but smile at him as he started waving. “Bye Santa!”

Dad and I watched from the doorway of the barn as Kevin walked to his car.

“You know,” I said. “It’s probably not a good thing for him to keep calling you Santa.”

Dad laughed. “Oh, it’s not hurting anyone. I take it as a compliment.”

I watched dad tug on his beard thoughtfully. He headed towards the house but then stopped and turned his gaze to me.

“I’m proud of you,” he said. I looked at him in surprise.

“Proud of me? Why?”

Dad smiled. “When you climbed down from Robin Hood I thought you were going to punch him in the stomach. I think you took your loss gracefully.”

I scowled again. “He played dirty.”

“Did he?”

“Yes! He…he…” I trailed off. It seemed stupid to defend myself by explaining that he had distracted me with an underhanded underwear tactic. Instead, I stomped past him into the house and into my room, flinging the white dress over my head.

I was never wearing the dress again. The summer magic was ruined.

--------------------------------------------

The next morning I woke early. I put on an old flannel shirt that I had gotten at the Goodwill and a pair of my dirtiest jeans. I spent a couple hours mucking out the stalls and giving the horses fresh hay and water. I grumbled the entire time I walked the horses around the barn. They stomped impatiently; they wanted to run as much as I did.

I was brushing Puck when Dad walked into the barn. He was dressed for work.

“You coming to the office today?”

I shook my head. “No, I’m taking the day off. All the typing and filing is caught up.”

He smiled. “Are you going to stay here all day and pout?”

I nodded. “That’s my plan.”

He leaned over the stall door and kissed my cheek. As his footsteps died away, I sank down onto an overturned metal water pail.

I had made a bet to stay invisible and I planned on keeping it. If that meant spending every day at home in the barn until I got wind that Richardson had left town, then so be it.

I was a woman of my word.

Nine – November 8 – Kevin

If I had thought sleeping was bad before, the night of my horse race victory was the worst yet. Every time I closed my eyes I saw her wearing that white dress, the bouncing of the horse lifting her behind up to reveal the most delectable…

Ugh.

I was still up as the sun rose the next morning. Gray clouds hung heavy in the sky; I had a feeling we were going to see the first few snowflakes of the season sometime by the end of the day. I got up and opened the back door; I stared out at the vast nothingness of the empty field. A cold blast of air flew into the house; the temperature had plummeted.

I closed the door, thankful that I had won the race. The last thing I needed was to keep bumping into Addy Selinski everywhere I went. Her claim that she would remain invisible meant that I could finally do what I had come here for: to work on a plan to get Kristin back in my life. I didn’t need any distractions when I needed to be focusing on the only woman I needed in my life.

I sat down at the kitchen table and began to scribble notes about Kristin’s likes and dislikes. I listed important dates: the date we first met, the day I proposed, our wedding date, and Mason’s birthday. I knew that somewhere in the vast information that I had accumulated about her that I would find some spark of an idea to get back to the loving couple we used to be.

As I sat scribbling out romantic getaways and special things I could do, I didn’t notice Mason get up. Therefore, I was even more surprised when I heard him calling me in a panic.

“DADDY! DAAAADDDDY!”

His voice was coming in the direction of the bathroom. I quickly tossed down my pen and ran in. Water was gushing over the toilet at a rapid pace.

“What did you do buddy?” I asked, looking around for the plunger.

“I gave puppy a bath,” Mason said.

“Puppy?”

I stared down at the bowl. At the u-bend I could just make out a ratty ear.

Ever since Mason was a year old, he had dragged around a brown puppy named, aptly, ‘Puppy’. Lately, Kristin and I had convinced him that he could go places without taking puppy. This time I feared that the place puppy had gone was going to make him permanently kenneled. More importantly, there wasn’t a plunger in sight and the water was still gushing over the rim of the seat. I carried Mason into the kitchen and sat him down on a chair. After a little detective work, I found the shut off valve for the water. It stopped the flood, but I still had a clogged toilet, a waterlogged floor, and no plunger. I glanced over at Mason; he was looking at me with sad eyes.

“I’m sowwy,” he said, sucking his fingers. He always did that when he knew he was in trouble. I sighed softly.

“It was a mistake,” I said softly. “Let’s go get dressed. Daddy needs to go find a hardware store.”

------------------------------------

Twenty minutes later I had Mason in a cart and we were wheeling through a small Ace Hardware. It was the last store on Main Street. I had an auger, a plunger, shop towels, a mop, and a wrench. And more importantly, I had managed to get through the whole shop without running into Addy.

I paid for my supplies and we headed home. As Mason ate some Corn Flakes, I tackled the bathroom. As I had feared, puppy had been under the water too long to salvage. I stowed it into a black trash bag and prayed that Mason might forget about it. I had a feeling it wouldn’t be that easy. I mopped the bathroom and dried it completely with shop towels. After a shower for myself and a few test flushes of the toilet, everything was back to normal.

By the afternoon, Mason was getting restless. I couldn’t really blame him. A three year old could last only so long in a cabin with the same old toys without going bonkers. The temperature from morning to afternoon had dropped another fifteen degrees. After layering him up as much as possible while still allowing him the ability to walk, I took him to the playground that was adjacent to the church.

I pushed him on the swing, helped him down the slide, and across the monkey bars. The whole time I couldn’t help but look around. I knew that somewhere along the line, paranoia must have sank in; I kept thinking that I saw a flash of brown hair or the sound of boots, but each time it was just a squirrel or a loose shutter on the church. Addy was nowhere around.

Mason and I stopped for an early dinner at the town’s one small diner. A few people came up and introduced themselves. The place was crowded; but there was no Addy. Mason was playing with the pickles he had pulled off his hamburger. He looked up at me.

“Hey daddy, we didn’t see Addy or Santa today,” he said. I thought he sounded disappointed.

“Well, we were really busy today,” I told him. He nodded.

“Yeah, we were beezy,” he nodded.

After dinner, we returned to the cabin. As I was building a fire, Mason finally asked where the TV was. When I told him there wasn’t one, he looked horrified. I finally had to climb back into the car and get his portable DVD player. He fell asleep while watching Finding Nemo. I slid off the couch, crawling next to the burning embers. I poked the flames with a stick, thinking about one of the first trips Kristin and I had ever taken together. I didn’t think I had ever seen anyone so beautiful before in my life.

As I sat thinking about that moment, the weirdest thing happened. A crazy vision of Addy sitting across from me came to mind. I saw her smile and laugh, her long legs stretched out in front of her, almost touching mine. I shook my head; the vision disappeared.

I ran a hand down my face. Part of me felt I was going crazy; the more rational part attributed my vision to lack of sleep. I smothered the fire and carried Mason to bed. I sprawled out on the couch, threw a heavy blanket over me and willed myself to go to sleep.

---------------------------------------

I woke up the next morning eye to eye with Mason. He was shining a flashlight in my nose.

"What are you doing?" I said with a yawn.

"I'm playing doctor," Mason said happily.

I lay still while he tested my reflexes with a plastic wrench (I jerked my knee for good measure) and checked my throat with a Popsicle stick. As I watched him, I couldn't help but think of Dr. Selinski. And when I thought of Dr. Selinski I couldn't help but think of...

Addy.

Even with a good night's sleep I felt like I was losing it. As Mason did examinations on all of his stuffed animals, I went out onto the porch and turned on my cell phone for the first time in days. I had five voicemails from my mother. With a sigh, I dialed the house, praying I would get the answering machine. She picked up on the first ring.

"Thank God. You're alive. Where are you?"

"I just needed to get awhile for a little while. Mason and I are having some guy time," I said lightly.

"I've been trying to get a hold of you for three days," mom said.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. "I'm just trying to figure out a way to work things out between Kristin and myself without any interference," I tried to explain. I heard a soft sigh.

"That's what I've been trying to call you about, sweetheart," she said gently. "Three days ago I received a divorce summons at the house. They tried at your house several times, then they went to the closest family member."

I felt my mouth grow dry. The last time I had seen her, October 30, she had threatened me with the dreaded "D" word. Still I thought I'd have time. I hadn't even figured out a plan yet...

"You have thirty days to respond," my mom said worriedly.

"I'll talk to her," I said lightly.

"I don't think it's going to be as simple as that."

"Why?"

"She's asking for full custody of Mason."

Chapter Ten - November 15 - Addy

After almost a week of hiding out and sulking in the barn, I couldn't take it anymore. I was going stir crazy. I started off my Monday in dad's office. It was amazing how fast dust and papers could accumulate when you left an old man to his own devices. I spent the entire day with my nose to the grindstone. Even so, every time the bell rang, I looked up expecting to see Kevin and Mason. Not that seeing them was a good thing, but I still expected it.

As the week went by and I began to branch out to other places: the post office, the grocery store, the pharmacy, I still didn't see hide nor hair of them. At church on Sunday I kept expecting the door to open and for them to slide into the back pew, but they were nowhere around.

As we ate our Sunday lunch of barbeque sandwiches, I couldn't take it anymore. I set down my fork and looked over at dad.

"Have you heard anything about Kevin Richardson leaving town?" I asked him. He looked surprised.

"I haven't. But now that you mention it, I haven't seen that boy around town all week. It's not a big place; in a week you're bound to run into almost everyone at least once unless they're holed up at the Old Folk's home."

I tapped my fingers against my glass of tea. Snow had fallen throughout the whole week. It looked like the whitest fluffiest clouds in the sky had decided to visit Earth for awhile. I sighed. My dad smiled.

"It's bothering you, isn't it?" he asked. I looked over at him.

"What's bothering me?"

"Not seeing him."

I shook my head. "No, it's not that. It's..."

It was my curiosity killing the cat again. I didn't like not knowing what was going on with everyone in town. I had done my best to stay invisible, but it's not like I had magic powers. Somewhere deep in my gut, I had a bad feeling that I just couldn't shake.

I did the lunch dishes quietly, my eyes darting constantly to the barn doors. My mind did a tug-of-war back and forth, until finally I couldn't take it anymore. I tossed the dish towel down on the counter and poked my head into the living room. Dad was half asleep; a football game with the volume turned down low was playing on TV.

"I'm taking Robin Hood for a ride," I said. Dad snorted awake, his eyes half-opened.

"Have fun. I'll hold down the fort," he said. I knew by the time the back door closed he would be snoring.

A few minutes later as I tightened Robin Hood’s saddle, I silently chastised myself. I had no right to invade someone's privacy. I didn't even like the guy for goodness sake. Why was I doing this?

Deep down I knew the answer. Someway, somehow, every time I looked at Mason I saw myself. He was spunky and curious and seemingly happy being anywhere. Even so, I noticed a look of confusion in his eyes. Even though I had been five years older than he was when my mom had left, I still recognized that look. I couldn't help but think of the little eight year old girl that acted like she was perfectly happy even though she was completely confused.

Admittedly, if I compared myself to Mason, I thus compared Kevin to my dad. There was something going on that I couldn't peg. He was bottled up tight. The last person to see him in town had been one of the waitresses at the diner. She was a known gossip, but even she told me that he didn't offer up anything more than his name, age, and Mason's name.

Dad and I had been running on autopilot for almost twenty-four years. Except for that brief burst of information that dad had relayed to Kevin when they came over after church, hardly anything was said about why he was a single guy raising a daughter all by himself. Dad hid his pain, even from me, and even though I acted like everything was all right, I couldn't help but feel like he had thrown his whole life away.

I just wanted to make sure that Kevin didn't do the same. I still didn’t know where his mom was, and I had a feeling Mason didn’t either. The little guy deserved so much more.

--------------------------------------------

The cold wind slapped at my face as Robin Hood galloped through the woods that danced along the outskirts of town. I knew just the right turn to make to end up in the fields behind Kevin's cabin. The cold wind cut through the gloves I wore and my breath came out in great foggy puffs. I was secretly glad when I was able to slow Robin Hood down and slide off his back.

I tied him to a large tree trunk and made my way up to the cabin. My boots crunched in the thick heavy snow that had fallen. The trees looked like they had been dipped in great globs of whipped cream. Unlike the big cities, when it snowed, the snow here stayed postcard pristine.

I stomped snow off my boots as I walked up onto the front porch. I blew into my hands to warm my fingertips and my cheeks before knocking. I waited for a response. I knew they hadn't left town; the car was still out front. After several seconds, I knocked again. Still there was no response. I tried the door; it creaked open slowly.

The entire cabin was pitch dark. Curtains had been drawn over every window. The smell of wet wood and smoke hung heavy in the air. The entire place felt almost like a funeral home.

I walked in, my boots sounded loudly on the wood floor. I licked my lips nervously. The few scary movies I had watched in my lifetime flashed before my eyes. I had a horrible vision of finding mutilated bodies.

As my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, I saw a huge mass slumped on the couch. My heart pounded double-time. I unplugged the lamp that sat on the end table and slowly crept around. If Freddy Krueger was still there, I wanted a weapon.

What I found was much worse than mass mutilation. I couldn't help but gasp. I had seen drunks in my day, and had even dated one for three years, but Kevin took the cake. He smelled like the entire contents of a liquor store. His eyes were unfocused, his fingers barely had a grip on the bottle of Jack Daniels he had in his hand. His clothes looked like he had worn them for days.

At first I couldn't take my eyes off the mess of a man on the couch. Then I remembered Mason.

"Kevin, where's Mason?" I said. With what looked like great deliberation and pain, he lifted his eyes to stare unsteadily at me. He didn't answer.

"Where's Mason?" I asked again. I yanked the bottle from his hand. He made only a feeble attempt to get it back. I saw him wet his lips.

"Kevin, where… is… Mason?" I asked slowly. I could hear the level of my voice rise with panic.

"Gone."

"What do you mean gone?" I asked.

He didn't respond. Instead, his head slumped down onto his chest. After I plugged the lamp in and turned it on I gasped as I stared around. Bottles of liquor, both empty and full lined the kitchen counter. Empty bottles were lying all around the perimeter of the couch. When I looked back at him, a thin trail of blood began to fall from the side of his mouth.

Something had gone horribly, horribly wrong.

I stumbled my way back to the door and without conscious thought unhooked Robin Hood from the tree post. Swinging myself back up, I tore back home the way I came. Robin Hood sensed my distress. As I yanked open the barn doors, he headed right into his stall without complaint. I locked the stall gate and ran up to the house.

The back screen door slammed behind me as I tore into the kitchen. As I had assumed, dad was snoring in front of the TV in the living room. I shook his shoulder hard. He came awake with a jerk.

"Dad, you need to come with me," I said.

“What? Where?"

I was already at the front door, his black medical bag in my hands. I stomped my foot impatiently, tears springing to my eyes.

"It's Kevin." I said. "I found him on the couch barely responsive and I don't know where Mason is. Please, daddy."

I didn't have to ask twice. My great big teddy bear of a father heaved himself out of his recliner, and taking the medical bag in his hand, he headed out to his car.

I was right on his heels.

Chapter Eleven - November 16 - Kevin

I winced at the bright, unrelenting light that was being shined in my right eye. My head felt like it had cracked in half and been put back together with super glue. Before I could complain, the light was shone into my left eye.

"Mr. Richardson?"

With great effort, I opened both of my eyes. It hurt; everything hurt. My body hurt, but more importantly my heart hurt. I stared at a strange doctor and looked around.

Somebody must have found me.

"How are we doing, Kevin?" the doctor said. I looked at him coldly. How did he think I was doing?

"Do you know why you're here?" he said, trying a different tactic. Again, I just stared.

After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence, the doctor left the room. I was just about ready to close my eyes again when my mom walked in. Her face was stained with tears. She sank down by the bed and took my hand.

“Kevin, what were you thinking?” she said. I didn’t respond.

“Is that why you brought Mason to me? So you could go back and drink yourself to death?”

Again, I didn’t answer. After several moments of silence she patted my hand and left the room.

I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I had given up; Kristin had won. A part of me rationalized that I probably could be okay even if we got a divorce. But losing Mason? There wasn’t a life without my son.

“I didn’t know you were a coward.”

My eyes turned to the doorway of the hospital room. They narrowed as Addy approached the bed.

“You almost killed yourself,” she said quietly. “How is that going to help you keep custody of Mason?”

I closed my eyes. Obviously mom had been having a lovely chat with my rescuer.

“If I was Mason, I’d be so disappointed in you.”

“Leave me the fuck alone. I won the bet remember?”

She snorted. “All bets were called off the minute that I had to see you slumped on that damn couch smelling like every alcohol ever invented with blood running out of your mouth.”

I felt a hard jab to the shoulder. “Open your eyes!”

“Why do you care?” I asked. “I’m no one.”

“Why do I care? Why do I care? I care that a little three year old little boy who thinks the world of you isn’t going to be able to see you because you just rolled over and gave up. Is that why your wife left you? Because you’re a drunk?”

My eyes flew open. “You don’t know anything about me,” I said angrily.

She held up her hands. “True, I don’t. All I’m saying is that you need to channel some of that anger that you’ve been shooting at me into something that really matters.”

She stomped out of the room, slamming the hospital door behind her.

I stared angrily at the wall. She didn’t know what she was talking about. She just needed to go back to Sadieville and leave me the hell alone.

-------------------------------------------------------

November 18

Two days later, I was released from the hospital. I had sworn my mom to secrecy about what happened. I could just hear Brian if he caught wind of my stupidity.

The day before my release, a psychologist had paid me a visit. Knowing that it would be the only way that I would be released, I opened up. Surprisingly, most of what the psychologist said was just what Addy had told me as she screamed at me the day before. Of course, the psychologist was a lot nicer about it.

Mom drove me back to her house. The first thing I did was look around for Mason. I hadn’t wanted her to bring him to the hospital, but I couldn’t wait to see him again.

“I need to tell you something,” mom said quietly as I called out for him. I looked over at her.

“Kristin came and picked him up last night,” mom said quietly. “Mason accidentally told her you were in the hospital.”

I closed my eyes. I felt my mom’s hand on my back.

“I better make a few phone calls,” I said quietly. “I need a lawyer.”

---------------------------------------

Later that afternoon, I was sitting across from the best attorney in Lexington, Robert McShaw. He was going over the divorce summons, a frown on his face.

“The first thing we need to do is get a temporary custody schedule in place,” he said. “I think a more permanent fix is going to take a little longer. Did you have a prenup?”

I looked at him blankly. “I never thought I’d need a prenup,” I said.

Robert winced. “Yeah, that’s often the problem the first time around.”

I didn’t say anything, but I couldn’t help but think there’d never be another time around.

“She’s probably going to get a good chunk then,” he continued.

“I don’t care about that. I just want to know when I can get Mason back,” I said quietly.

“Well, in order to do that and get ready for our first battle, I need you to get some letters of character reference from friends and family, compile a list of your monthly income compared to Kristin’s, and a custody schedule that would work for you. Keep in mind that I don’t think the judge will award sole custody to either of you.”

Robert flipped through a few more papers. “Now, you just got out of the hospital?”

I nodded. He read the report and sighed. “I think it might be within your best interest to also do an outpatient alcohol recovery program.”

I looked surprised. “It was just a stupid mistake.”

He smiled at me kindly but with cold reality in his eyes. “It’s the type of stupid mistake that could cost you months out of the year away from your son.”

As I left the office, I felt like vomiting.

Addy had been right. Because I rolled over and gave up, I had given Kristin more fuel. It was time to channel my anger into getting back on the right track for the person that needed me most.

Chapter Twelve – December 13 - Addy

It had been almost a month since Hurricane Kevin had left town. Every morning I tore through the fields behind the cabin with Robin Hood, trying to ignore the memories that were conjured up. Even though I thought often of Mason (and admittedly, Kevin), I was glad that life had returned to normal. I liked waking up in the morning and knowing what to expect.

I had practically succumbed to a panic attack the morning that dad and I drove Kevin to Lexington Memorial. It had been almost ten years since I had walked the halls of that hospital and the sheer memory threw me into a cold bath of horror. Dad could sense my fear; he put his arm around me as I looked around at the all too familiar walls.

"You want to leave?" he asked. I shook my head.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Again, I shook my head. Dad had been trying to get me to talk about it for years. It was a story I never wanted him to know.

And as much as I wanted to leave the hospital, I couldn't; I needed to make sure that Kevin was going to be okay. I didn't want anyone dying on my watch. Dad and I had sat in the waiting room for what seemed like forever before a nurse had led Kevin's mom into the room. She wanted to meet the person who had saved her son's life.

The Kevin she talked about was a completely different person than I had ever met. She must have felt the same way; as I described the scene I had walked into, she shook her head in disbelief.

"He's always been the strong one," she told me. "This is all Kristin's fault."

At my blank look, she filled me in on the back story. As she talked about Kristin's desire to take Mason, a little bit of Kevin's inane logic seemed to become clearer.

Not that it made me any less furious.

Looking back, I have to admit that my meltdown in his hospital room was probably a bit uncalled for. I would have at least taken back the punch to his shoulder. Even now, his acidic words came back to me every so often and I knew now that he had been right.

I didn't know anything about him.

That was why I was glad when his brother had come and emptied the cabin. I knew he was back in Lexington, which was where he needed to be. And I was back in Sadieville, far away from that damned city and the part of my past I never wanted to revisit.

---------------------------

I had slept late this morning; Dad was already gone to the office. I was feeling especially lazy; Christmas was two short weeks away. It was always my favorite season. Dad would make his warm cinnamon cider and we would chop down a tree a week before Christmas and decorate it with all of the old family ornaments. Dad’s favorite was a reindeer I had made out of popsicle sticks in second grade. Poor Rudolph’s red pompom nose was incredibly crusty, but he cherished it all the same.

I dressed in heavy layers, deciding to walk into town this morning. I slid into tall white boots and my puffy white ski jacket. I tugged a white faux rabbit fur cap on my head, complete with white flopping tassel. I was dressed like a twelve year old and I loved it.

As I walked along the empty streets I kicked snow up into big flaky clouds. A little snow family sat in front of the Wilcox’s house. Their twins, Susan and Savannah had even made a snow kitty, complete with a white marshmallow nose and white straws for whiskers.

Farther down the block sat the Farris home. Thomas Farris had died three weeks ago. His family, all from out of town, had quickly put the home up for sale. I was so used to seeing the For Sale sign that at first I walked by without giving it a second thought. I walked past two more houses before I stopped and turned.

The For Sale sign had a Sold sign across it.

This might not seem unusual, but for a house to sell that fast in Sadieville was a rare occurrence. I knew of two houses that had been for sale since I was practically born. Eventually the town turned one into a small library; the other one was decorated up as a haunted house every Halloween.

I turned onto Main Street, still thinking about the house. I opened the door to dad’s office and walked inside, already pulling off my gloves. My mouth was watering for some hot chocolate. The microwave dad used for heat packs did dual duty in the winter; I went through instant hot chocolate with mini marshmallows like crazy.

As I sat down in one of the hard plastic chairs to take off my boots, I heard voices coming from the exam room. I looked at the clock; I had overslept, but still dad rarely had anybody in the office this early in the morning. As I was peering into the microwave, I heard the door to the exam room open.

“I really appreciate the advice Dr. Selinski.”

“Hey, you’re an official Sadievillian now. Call me Chris.”

I turned around, my eyes wide with surprise. I knew that voice anywhere.

It was Kevin.

“What are you doing here?” I said, a little louder than I had intended.

His head swiveled in my direction; he broke out into a grin. I hadn’t seen one of those before except for when he beat me in the horse race. That had been a triumphant “na-na” taunting grin; this was actually…friendly. It was the type of grin that would melt make most girls start shedding their clothes right then and there. I wasn't "most" girls. I raised an eyebrow suspiciously.

“Hello Addy,” he said. “It’s good to see you again.”

I didn’t know what to say. I stared at him like he was an alien from Planet Cuckoo.

“Honey, your water’s bowling over.”

“Shit!”

I turned around and stopped the microwave. A large burst of steam escaped the door. I wadded a mass of paper towels and began to dab at the water on the rotating tray. The cup would have to cool before I was going to touch it.

“Why are you doing here?” I asked again. I kept my back to him.

“I wanted to stop by and thank you and your dad,” he said softly. It was the same soft tone I had only ever heard him use for Mason. I turned my head. He was staring at me, his hands clasped in front of him politely.

“Thank us?” I said. I tossed the paper towels in the trash. “What for?”

“Well, I wanted to thank your dad for getting me to the hospital,” Kevin explained. “And I wanted to thank you for giving me a kick in the ass.”

I didn’t know what to say. I stood there awkwardly.

“And,” Kevin continued. “I also wanted to let you both know that I’m an official town resident.”

I sputtered. “What?!” My mind went automatically to the Sold sign I had passed just this morning. “You mean that cabin right?”

Kevin shook his head. “Everyone was right. That wasn’t any place to live, especially for Mason. A house went up for sale a few weeks ago and I signed the papers this morning.”

He held up a house key. I looked over at my dad. He was smiling.

“Kevin bought the Farris place,” he explained.

“Why?” I blurted out. Dad frowned; rudeness was something he looked down upon. At the moment, my rudeness meter was through the roof.

“Well, for one, as part of my divorce settlement, I had to sell my house in Lexington. I was going to do that anyhow, but it just helped me move things along a bit faster. I wanted to get a house in an area with a low crime rate and within close distance to a good private school. There’s one right smack dab between here and the next town. Then of course there’s that barn behind my house so I can stop paying stable fees on my horse. And lastly, there’s just something about this place that I kind of like.”

I was confused. This wasn't the surly guy I knew.

“Who are you?” I blurted out. I couldn't help it.

“Adelaide!” dad admonished. Kevin just shook his head.

“No, she’s right. Listen, I know we got off on the wrong foot,” he said. “I’ve never acted like that before, and I’m sorry. Can we start over?”

I didn’t know if I wanted to start over. When he and I weren’t getting along I felt safe. I didn’t like guys being truly nice to me.

It never ended well.

Chapter Thirteen – Kevin

I stood there looking at Addy with a smile. She didn’t respond.

I really did want to make amends. From the time I had been released from the hospital until now, I had become extremely goal-oriented. I felt like the old me; it was a feeling I hadn’t felt in a long time. Taking the advice of my lawyer, I had enrolled in an outpatient alcohol recovery program. Every two weeks I met with a group in Lexington. It was a humbling experience. It seemed like a strange turn of events; at one point in my life, I had intervened for AJ’s alcoholism and now I had gone down the same path. Without realizing it, drinking had become a big part of my life in the past year. Peeling back the layers to find out the reasons had helped me come to terms that my marriage had been unraveling for far longer than I had realized. Somewhere along the way, Kristin and I had fallen out of love with each other and I knew now that getting back together for the sake of Mason was not the right answer.

“Can we start over?” I asked again.

She turned around and grabbed her mug from the microwave.

“Sure,” she said with her back to me.

I didn’t want to press my luck any farther. Instead I turned to Dr. Selinski.

“I’ll be seeing you both around,” I said. He shook my hand.

“Let us know if you need anything,” he said warmly.

I opened the door and slipped back outside. It was a cold day, but for some reason I didn’t mind walking. I had left my car parked around the back of the house; both of my brothers were driving moving vans in to help me get settled. All in all I was in a fairly good mood and ready to focus on getting the house ready. If all went according to plan, I’d be seeing Mason really soon.

My boost of confidence had started days ago, but had hit a high this morning. Before I left to see the good doctor and his daughter, Robert McShaw had called my cell phone.

“You move fast,” he said approvingly. “I received character references from your mother, brothers and cousin last week and the fax machine had been going nonstop all morning. I just received faxed letters from a Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, and AJ McLean.”

I raised an eyebrow in surprise. Brian had called right before he left on the cruise. He had called me at what I had begun to refer to as my “bad time.” I was packing up Mason’s toys and each one contained its own little memory. Half of the toys were going to Kristin in LA and the other half I was bringing with me to Sadieville. I had asked Brian if he could ask the other guys if they could write character references. I never expected they would squeeze in time on the cruise to get them faxed over so quickly.

“Wonderful,” I said happily.

“And I have more good news,” Robert said.

“What?”

“Kristin’s agreed to let Mason come for Christmas. She’d like you to fly him back out January 2.”

“Really?”

I had expected a huge battle about Christmas. It wasn’t like she still lived in Lexington. With me asking for Christmas, I meant all of Christmas.

“Well, her lawyer didn’t go into details, but I did some rooting around and found out that she was hired to do some sort of filming. Whatever she’s doing is going to take her up to Canada until New Year’s.”

I knew I had hit a turning point; it didn’t really matter why she didn’t want him. All that mattered was I wanted him.

“Now that we have all of the letters and our bases covered, I think we’ll be ready to start figuring out a custody schedule. Notwithstanding any hiccups along the way, your divorce might very well be finalized by the end of February.”

I took a deep breath. “Thanks Robert.”

By the time that I walked up to the old blue and white clapboard farmhouse, two moving vans were pulled in the front yard. Jerald and Tim were sitting in the back of one of the trucks, blowing on their hands.

“Are you crazy?” Jerald said as I strolled up. “You’re walking around like it’s ninety degrees out!”

“We’re freezing!” Tim added.

“Wimps,” I said with a laugh. “Let’s get going then.”

Kristin had decorated our home in Lexington. I had left most of the furniture for her to do with what she pleased. Instead, I had gotten stuff that fit my taste. Gone were the rooms of leather; in its place was comfortable pieces trimmed in natural wood.

The house could not have come on the market at a better time. It was a cheerful three-bedroom, one bath house with a large kitchen and living room. The moment I walked through it I couldn’t help but feel that it was a family home. When it came to a great place to raise Mason, a family home was what I needed. I hoped the judge would take that into consideration when comparing this beautiful house with Kristin’s small, swank apartment.

“Can you tell me again why you’re going to live in the middle of nowhere?” Tim said as I passed him on the porch as we began transferring boxes.

“It seems like the middle of nowhere, but I’m not far from Lexington,” I explained.

“There’s only 200 people here,” Tim said. “I sneezed on my way here and I missed Main Street entirely.”

I laughed. “I wouldn’t care if there were no other people here; once Mason gets here I’m good.”

“But, what about companionship?” Jerald said.

“Mason will be my companion,” I explained. “When Kristin has him, I’m going to stay busy. I’ve been thinking I might get back with the guys, depending on the scheduling. This old farm house has a huge basement that would make an awesome studio.”

Jerald shook his head. “I don’t mean companionship as in a good buddy. I mean companionship,” he emphasized.

I looked at him like he was crazy.

“The last thing I want is that type of companionship,” I said forcefully. “I’m not going through this again.”

“It’s not like you’re the only person that got divorced,” Jerald continued. “You were with Kristin for eighteen years. That’s better than most people will ever do. That doesn’t mean you have to turn into a monk. You’ll be single. Time to play, buddy.”

I turned to look at Tim. He was the one that married Kristin and I; I had a feeling that as a minister, he didn’t agree with Jerald’s logic.

“All I want is for you to be happy,” Tim said.

I shook my head. They just didn’t understand.

“You need some help?”

All three of us turned. My eyes widened in surprise. Addy was bundled up in head to toe white. She looked like a marshmallow.

“Help?”

“Dad thought it would be nice if I came over and help,” she said. She looked like she didn’t totally agree with her dad’s sentiments. In fact, she looked uncomfortable.

I opened my mouth to assure her we were fine, but Jerald stepped forward.

“We’d love your help,” he said enthusiastically. “Kevin’s a horrible organizer. I think some of it could use a woman’s eye.”

I frowned. I was a perfectionist; organizing was my life. What the hell was he playing at?

“Yeah,” Tim piped up. “We have most of the boxes and stuff in, but maybe you can help unpack.”

I eyed both of my brothers suspiciously; as Addy walked past them into the house, they grinned at each other.

“What the hell?” I whispered loudly.

Tim looked at me innocently. Jerald just laughed.

“Now I see why you wanted to move here,” Jerald said quietly. He craned his neck to look into the house. Addy was bending over, tearing the tape of a box. Her white snow pants molded her rear end perfectly. Feeling a rush of protectiveness, I smacked him on the back of the head.

“Knock it off and let’s get the last of the furniture in,” I grumbled.

Tim and Jerald laughed, scrambling back to the van.

It was hard being the mature brother, even if I was the baby.

Chapter Fourteen – December 13/14 Addy

When I had walked up to the house, I hadn’t expected to meet half of the Richardson family. I began to unpack in things in the kitchen in order to stay out of the way while the guys unloaded the rest of the furniture.

“How we doing in here?” Jerald said, poking his head in. I dropped the bunch of silverware I was holding and fumbled for the pieces as they scattered across the floor.

“What? Oh, fine,” I said, scooping up a fork that flew under the kitchen table.

“So, how do you know Kevin?”

I looked up at him. I began to break out in a sweat. He was smiling at me like…like…

“Everything okay?”

I looked past Jerald’s shoulder at Kevin. He leaned against the doorway, his eyes serious and observant. “Jer, I think Tim could use a little help. The last thing in the van is my nightstand.”

Jerald looked between him and I and then took off outside. Kevin looked at me.

“You okay?”

I nodded and held up the silverware awkwardly. “Just putting stuff away.”

Kevin nodded. “Well, I appreciate your help.”

“No problem.”

He disappeared and I returned to my organization. I had been in the Farris house a couple times before Thomas had died. He had loved the house; all of his children had been born and raised here. It was a family house through and through. I could almost picture Mason sitting on the kitchen counter helping to make sugar cookies as Christmas music played and…

Wait…what was I thinking?

I had full intentions to get through the courtesy function of helping a neighbor and then I was going to stay as far away as possible. If sugar cookies were made in this kitchen I would never know about it.

I heard Kevin saying goodbye to his brothers from the front of the house. Minutes later the door closed and footsteps sounded up the staircase. I pulled the last box marked ‘Kitchen’ from the living room and stacked plates, glasses, and bowls.

By the time I was finished, it was almost dinner time. I walked from the kitchen into the living room just as Kevin attempted to walk into the kitchen from the living room. Neither of us saw the other. We collided; his hands quickly went to my arms to steady me. He moved too fast.

“Let go of me!” I screamed, twisting away from him. His eyes widened in surprise. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head, my feet quickly propelling me to the door. I couldn’t answer him; doing so would open up everything I had worked so hard to lock away. Instead I opened the door and pounded down the porch steps.

I needed to go home.

------------------------------------

By the time I woke up the next morning, I had concluded that I had overreacted. When dad had come home the night before, I had pretended I was already fast asleep in bed. Truth was, I was lying under every single one of my comforters. I couldn’t seem to get warm; I was chilled, but not from the cold. I was scared.

Maybe the trip to Lexington had subconsciously brought forth some of my insecurities. I had been able to banter with Kevin and be in the same room as him before. Of course, he hadn’t been exactly nice to me. Or touched me. Now that there was a certain Southern hospitality in his demeanor, I couldn’t help but be guarded.

I had fallen for that type of charm once before and I barely walked away with my life.

I woke up and padded into the kitchen. As I whipped up some scrambled eggs, dad came into the room.

“Almost ready,” I said.

“I don’t have time this morning sweetheart,” he said apologetically. “Lois Walker fell this morning and she thinks she broke that weak knee of hers. I’ve got to go check. If she did I’ve got to take her to Lexington Memorial.”

I nodded. He knew better than to ask if I wanted to come. Instead he kissed my cheek and headed out. I dumped the scrambled eggs onto the plate, filled a glass of orange juice, and sat down for a quiet breakfast.

After I did dishes, I bundled up and headed for the barn. Even though the temperature was below freezing, I saddled Puck. He stomped in irritation; of the three, he preferred not to be ridden. I concluded he would just have to deal with it; Moonshine and Robin Hood deserved a chance to trail behind and frolic.

The wind cut through my jacket as we tore out into the fields. The cabin sat abandoned, every window dark. Puck taunted the others and me as he switched between an all out run and a slow trot.

“Stop being such a bullheaded ass,” I complained to him as I nudged him with my heel.

“I think you’ve said that about me once or twice.”

I turned my head to see Kevin standing at the fence, his arms resting on the snow covered boards. I pulled up to a stop.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, my breath coming out in big puffy clouds.

He shrugged. “I was up early and thought it would be good to come back to the scene of my downfall,” he said quietly. I braced myself for him to question me about my over-blown reaction from the day before. Instead he just continued with his train of thought. “It’s part of my step program.”

“What step program?”

“Alcohol recovery,” he said nonchalantly.

“Oh.”

He looked around and sighed.

“Just so you know my wife didn’t leave me because of it.”

“Because of what?”

“The drinking.”

“Kevin,” I said hesitantly. “I’m really glad that you’re working all this stuff out.”

He smiled. “Thank you. Hey, maybe when I pick up Mason, you and your dad can come over to our house and have lunch.”

I felt trapped. I wanted to tell him no, that wasn’t a good idea. On the other hand, I knew my dad would kill me if I said that.

“Just let us know,” I said. I tightened the reins in my hands. “Well, it’s cold, so I’m headed back.”

I waved awkwardly and nudged Puck along quickly. As I cut through the woods back home, I took a deep breath. I had a sinking feeling that I couldn’t peg.

I pegged it the moment that Puck stopped yards from the barn. He bucked backwards, snorting through his bit. I looked around and spotted the sense of his discomfort.

A black Lamborghini was parked in front of the house and leaning against it was the man who nightmares were made of. I knew he spotted me when he eased himself off the hood and began walking in my direction. In a panic I spun Puck around again and shot back in the direction I had just come. My fingertips were numb, but that was nothing compared to the terror that shot through me.

Chapter Fifteen - Kevin

After Addy tore off through the trees, I walked around the cabin. It seemed so desolate, so depressing. I couldn’t help but think that hadn’t helped my state of mind. I peered through the windows and wrinkled my nose. Even after cleaning, the place was a sty. Poor Mason. I hadn’t even had a toddler bed for him to sleep in.

My boots crunched under the snow as I traveled around the lake. It was completely frozen now; the fish dormant until the first thaws of spring. I crouched down and looked around. The landscape around the cabin was a far cry from its interior; it was peaceful.

I had just climbed in my car and started the heater when I saw a rustling through the trees. Moments later Addy was tearing back through the field.

“What the hell is that girl doing?” I said to myself. Leaving the car running, I got out and jogged back towards the field.

Addy quickly slid off of Puck and holding his reins, began to circle around. She was so distracted that she didn’t even notice me.

“Addy?”

She let out a scream. Puck reared up on his back legs and the sudden movement knocked Addy to the ground. She landed backwards, her palms smacking into the packed snow. Puck took off.

Without thinking, I hopped over the fence and tore across the field. I caught up to the wayward horse and calmed him down. After tying him to a tree, I walked back over to Addy.

“Just go,” she said. “Go!”

“What’s wrong?” I had never seen her look so pale. She rolled over and vomited onto the pure white snow.

Just then I heard the sound of a car coming down the road. There was nothing else to see on this offshoot path but the cabin; no car ever came down here. That was why I was even more surprised to see a Lamborghini pull to a stop by my own car.

The guy that stepped out of the vehicle could have been a poster boy for California. His curly blonde hair hung lazily in his eyes. Every square inch of him screamed money.

Abby let out a little gasp. I closed the gap between her and the pretty boy in seconds.

“Can I help you?” I asked as he studied the fence. He seemed to be figuring out how to climb over it without getting his long expensive coat caught on a nail. When he looked up his gray eyes met mine with derision. Even though I was the type of guy that rarely made rash character judgments, an instant dislike coursed through my veins.

“Dr. Toby Davidson,” he said, holding out a leather gloved hand. I shook his hand quickly. “I’m in town to pay a visit to Adelaide.”

He looked over my shoulder at Addy. I turned to look at her as well. She had managed to get up and was kicking snow over her vomit. She looked like she had seen a ghost.

“You’re a doctor?” I asked. I had a feeling that distracting him was probably the best thing to do at the moment.

He nodded. “Yeah. I grew up here. Addy and I went to the University of Kentucky together, pre-med. After she dropped out, I went on to grad school. I was in town and thought I’d pay her a little visit.”

I glanced back over my shoulder. Addy had gone over to Puck and seemed to be getting him ready to take off again.

“Well, I think she’s in the middle of something,” I said. “I can tell her you dropped by.”

Toby’s eyes narrowed. “And who are you?”

I don’t know what caused me to say it, but it seemed like the right thing to say.

“I’m her husband.”

He let out an incredulous laugh. “Her husband?”

I narrowed my eyes. “Yes.”

“Then why is she still boarding horses at her dad’s?”

I didn’t miss a beat. “My barn only holds one horse. It’s not like Chris lives far away.”

“When did you get married?”

“About six months ago,” I said automatically. Once I started lying I found that it came incredible easy. He studied my face, trying to find a crack in the story. When he couldn’t, he looked back at Addy. She was taking off once again.

“I didn’t catch your name,” he said almost as an afterthought.

“Kevin.” I didn’t offer up a last name. As far as I was concerned, the conversation was over.

“Well, I’m going to be around town for a few days,” he said. “I’d like a few moments to talk to your wife. Could you pass the message along?”

I nodded. “I reckon I can do that.”

I watched like a hawk as he climbed back into his car. The engine roared to life and he backed up down the road. I headed back to my car which was now hotter than a toaster oven. I took a few moments to stare out at the field thoughtfully then turned off the car.

Even though I had an instant dislike to the guy, he had actually offered up some new information on Ms. Selinski. She had been thinking about medical school once upon a time. And by the way she vomited; something told me that under no circumstance did she want to speak to Toby Davidson.

I couldn’t help but think my “wife” owed me a little explanation for playing interference.

Now all I had to do was find her.

Chapter Sixteen – Addy

I couldn’t go home. I was stuck on Puck in the middle of the woods with my heart about ready to tear through my chest and I didn’t know where to go. I felt like I was going to be sick again. My nose was dripping like a faucet and I had never been as cold as I was at that moment in all my life.

It seemed like horribly uncanny timing for him to show up just as the sheer memory threatened to invade my mind and bring me down again. The seemingly tough exterior I was able to display around town was quickly falling. Too many things were happening way too fast. That was the reason I lived in Sadieville; nothing changed. It was safe.

Now I didn’t feel so safe.

Puck stopped and took interest in the bark of a particular tree. I looked around at the woods. They were usually so alive; in the winter everything seemed to just disappear.

I didn’t like the sense of being so vulnerable. I knew that Toby wouldn’t come tramping through woods. His expensive coat and boots highly prohibited that.

I pulled Puck away from the tree and walked
slowly through the woods. I hoped by dallying that Toby would give up and leave or that my dad would at least come home. I made my way to where the tree line ended and squinted off into the distance. I could just make out the house; no cars were around. Swinging myself back up on Puck, I took off towards the house.

The first thing I noticed when I led Puck to his stall was that Moonshine and Robin Hood were locked in there stalls. I didn’t have time to do that. They had gone to the barn automatically, but I had turned around and taken Puck back to the fields.

“I gave them a little hay, too.”

I spun around and fought down a scream. I knew that voice and it wasn’t Toby’s.

Kevin sat at the top of our hay pile, gazing down quietly at me.

“T-thank you,” I stammered.

“So,” he said lightly. “You have a visitor in town.”

My palms began to sweat. “Oh?”

“I assume it’s someone you don’t want to see?”

“Oh, it’s nothing.”

Kevin gave me a half cocked smile. “I’d like to believe you; however, I don’t think I can. See, something’s going on. Most people don’t vomit in the snow for no reason. And yesterday…”

I winced. I knew he was going to bring up yesterday. “I’m sorry, I get jumpy sometimes.”

“You expect me to believe that’s all there is?”

“Don’t stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong,” I said, perhaps a little more rudely than even I wanted to sound.

“You stuck your nose in where it didn’t belong,” he said. “Not that I don’t thank you for that now.”

“It’s complicated.”

I began to walk back towards the house; I heard the telltale sign of one jumping from the top of the stack. By the time I reached the back door, Kevin had caught up with me. We walked in. The first thing I did was run my cold hands under hot water.

“I’ve come to realize that everyone’s life is complicated,” Kevin said. “You know my dirty laundry; share some of yours.”

I gave him a look. “I don’t have dirty laundry.”

“Why’d you drop out of school?”

I turned around and placed my wet palms on the stainless steel sink. “Who said I dropped out of school?”

“Dr. Davidson. You were pre-med?”

“That was a long time ago.”

“Well you made an impression. Toby said that he was going to be in town a few days; he said he really needed to talk to you.”

My eyes widened. “A few days?” I felt the sudden urge to lock the windows and doors. That was a big deal; no one in Sadieville ever locked up.

Kevin sat down in a kitchen chair and rocked back. “Was he your boyfriend?”

Just for the sake of keeping busy, I opened the refrigerator and began to take out lunchmeat and condiments. “I guess you could say that,” I said tensely.

“Well, he sure didn’t like me much,” Kevin said thoughtfully. Unconsciously I began to make two sandwiches.

“You like mayo?” I asked.

“Yup.”

I heard the scrape of a chair and then a solid wall of warmth come up to stand next to me.

“Addy,” Kevin said. I looked up at the serious note in his voice.

“Just answer me one thing, truthfully. Do you not want to see this guy?”

I took a deep breath. If I was being honest with myself, I didn’t want to see anybody that was of the male species besides my dad. I placed our sandwiches on paper plates and stared at the worn, chipped countertop. I took a deep breath.

“Under no circumstance do I want him anywhere near me,” I said, my voice shaking.

“Okay.” Kevin said. That was it; just ‘okay.’ He took a plate and sat down at the kitchen table. I sat down across from him and we ate in silence.

As we were finishing up, the phone rang. I glanced at it warily; our number had been the same since even before I was born. I weighed my options, but finally on the last ring I answered.

“Hello?”

“Addy, it’s dad.”

“Oh, hi,” I said in relief.

“I did have to take Lois to Lexington. She’s scared to death and I promised her I would stay with her through her surgery. It’s scheduled for tomorrow morning. I should be home late tomorrow evening. Could you go put a message on the office door?”

“You’re…you’re not coming home tonight?” I said. I knew my voice sounded like a small child’s, but I couldn’t help it. Of all the nights that he would be out of town…

“I’m sorry, sweetheart. Lois hasn’t been to Lexington for years and certainly not to the hospital. All the hustle and bustle is freaking her out.”

I closed my eyes and tried to calm myself. “Okay dad. No problem. I’ll go put a message up.”

“Thank you, honey. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I put the phone back slowly.

“Problem?”

I looked over at Kevin warily. “My dad’s been called out of town tonight,” I said quietly. I grabbed a piece of paper and began to scribble out a note. I didn’t say anything else, but he seemed to pick up on my fear.

“What’s that?” he said, nodding towards the note.

“I need to put a message on the office door.”

“Want me to drive you? I hid my car nearby.”

I looked at him carefully. It wasn’t a long walk, for sure, but I had a vision of a Lamborghini driving up alongside of me. Even though I didn’t want to, I nodded.

Kevin threw our paper plates in the trash and waited for me to finish the note. In mutual silence, we headed to his car.

Chapter Seventeen - Kevin

The ride to Dr. Selinski’s office was a short one. Of course, a ride from one end of town to the other only took five minutes; seven if you hit the one stoplight. I got out of the car and followed Addy to the front door. She slid inside and returned with tape. As she was taping the sign to the door, a woman with two young girls stopped and looked our way.

"Addy!” she said happily. Addy turned around, a look of surprise on her face.

“Hello Tina,” Addy said.

“Congratulations,” Tina said. “I had no idea.”

Addy looked confused.

“An idea about what?”

“You getting married!”

If Addy had looked confused before, it was nothing compared to that moment. I pretended to be really interested in the sign she had just posted.

“Married?”

“I ran into Toby Davidson at the diner. He said he met your husband this morning. This must be him? Everyone said it was the guy who was staying in that crummy cabin a few weeks ago.”

I glanced over at her slowly. Abby’s mouth made me think of a goldfish out of water. I weighed my options. I couldn’t decide whether the whole town thinking we were married or Toby finding out we weren’t was the lesser of two evils. I made a split second decision.

“Nice to meet you. I’m Kevin,” I said, holding out my hand. She shook it, studying me intently.

“Tina Wilcox,” she said. “Gee, you look so familiar…”

I laughed. “Well, you know what they say. Everyone has an evil twin.”

She gave a high pitched laugh and held onto my hand a few seconds longer than necessary.

“So is that why the Farris place sold so quickly?” she teased. “I’m assuming you two lovebirds are staying in town?”

I nodded. Addy stood there speechless.

“Well,” Tina said, looking at the both of us. “I better get going. Congratulations!”

She walked off down the street, her two girls bouncing behind her. When she was far enough out of earshot, Tornado Addy came back to life.

“What was that?”

She took several angry steps and closed the space between us. I held up my hands and backed away.

“Now, listen…”

“Trouble in paradise?”

My back stiffened. In unison, Addy and I turned around. Toby Davidson was standing behind us, arms crossed and eyes narrowed.

Addy’s eyes widened to the size of saucers. I shook my head.

“No trouble at all. We were just leaving.”

Toby looked at the note Addy had placed on the door. “Dad’s out of town?”

I heard a soft scared groan come from her throat.

“He’s a busy doctor,” I said. “I didn’t think doctors got much time off, Dr. Davidson.”

“They let me off for good behavior,” he said wryly. His eyes went back to Addy. “Did your husband give you my message?”

Addy’s eyes darted to me and then to the ground.

“I was hoping we could have a few moments to talk.”

I moved over so that I was standing in front of Addy. “Now’s not a good time,” I said.

“When would be a good time?”

“We’ll let you know,” I said. I spun around and took Addy’s arm. Her whole body tensed up like a brick, but this time she didn’t shout. I opened the car door for her and she quickly darted inside. As I walked around to the driver’s side, I heard the passenger side door open a crack.

“You can run, but you can’t hide Adelaide,” Toby said. He slammed the door closed and stood back as I quickly started the car and took off.

I heard her teeth chatter as I drove away from the office. I glanced over at her; even though she was in the passenger seat, her mind was a million miles away. I drove back to her dad’s and parked as close to the front door as I possibly could.

“Go inside and get an overnight bag,” I said, pointing to the door. Her eyes turned to mine slowly.

“What?”

“Go inside and get an overnight bag,” I repeated. “You’re not staying here alone tonight.”

“This is my house.”

I tried not to smile. “Well since we’re “married,” I think everyone would assume you would stay at my, er our house.”

Her hands flew up in the air. “Why the hell did you tell him we were married?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. He asked me who I was and you were on the ground scrambling to get away and it just came out.”

“This is just perfect,” she groaned, slumping down in the seat. “The whole town’s going to think that by tomorrow morning.”

“Listen,” I said. “Let them think that until your dad comes back. I don’t know what happened between you and this Toby guy but I know I don’t like him. So why don’t you go pack an overnight bag?”

“I can’t stay at your house,” she argued.

“Yes you can. You can have the whole upstairs of the house. You’re not the only one that can pretend they’re invisible.”

It was her turn to weigh her options. I saw her study the house and then look at me. She unbuckled her seat belt and got out of the car.

“I won’t be long,” she said quietly.

As I watched her go in the house, I rested my arms on the steering wheel.

What was a thirty two year old woman doing in a small town, never married? She certainly wasn’t ugly. In a way, she was the anti-Kristin. Addy was brunette, a little on the short side, definitely more curvy, and had way more attitude. That was why I had always liked Kristin; we were the quiet couple that I could imagine sitting in recliners when we were older, just…being.

Now I couldn’t help but wonder; is that all I wanted? Just to be? It used to bring a smile to my face; now that just seemed so boring. I was almost forty; maybe I was having a mid-life crisis. Maybe I didn’t want boring. It was weird, but in a way I secretly enjoyed blurting out for no reason whatsoever that Addy and I were married. It was just a little white lie, after all. It would never happen in real life, but what was the harm?

I was broken out of my thoughts as I heard the door slam. Addy walked down the stairs with a tattered duffel bag slung over her shoulder…

And a shot gun.

Chapter Eighteen – Addy

As I got in the car, I saw Kevin’s eyes widen at the sight of the gun. Even so, he didn’t ask and I didn’t offer up an explanation. I just knew that if Toby came anywhere near me that I wouldn’t hesitate to blast off a round. A gunshot would be far better than what he had done to me.

When Kevin pulled up to his house, I grabbed the gun and duffel bag and followed him inside. I watched as he locked the door behind him.

“I’ll show you the guest room,” he said, heading up the stairs. I followed him, looking left and right as I went.

The guest room was painted a pale blue with a twin bed against the wall. A nice quilt lay on top. I set down my bag and leaned the gun up against the nightstand.

“Can you tell me why you brought a shotgun?” Kevin asked quietly. I looked over at him and shook my head.

“I’d rather not.”

“Can you tell me anything that’s going on?”

“I’d rather not.”

He sighed, but didn’t press me.

“Well, I’m going to be downstairs. If there’s anything you need, let me know.”

I heard his footsteps on the steps; I sank down on the bed. It was rather comfortable. Kicking off my shoes I stretched out, the scent of fresh linen tickling my senses. With heavy lidded eyes I fell asleep.

When I woke I wasn’t in the bedroom anymore. I was in Toby’s apartment on the campus of the University of Kentucky. The place was sparsely furnished; no pre-med student could afford much in the way of decoration. The place wrecked of weeks old pizza. My roommate had told me not to come; Toby and I had gotten into a huge fight the week before. He had begun drinking heavily and I had called him out about it. Not long after, rumors of him being involved in an assault on another female pre-med student had flown rampant around campus. Toby vehemently denied it and I couldn’t imagine that a boy that I had grown up with could do such a thing. I felt bad for him and angry that anyone could accuse him of such a thing. Sure, he had pushed me a time or two, but it hadn’t been anything major. Toby would never go so far as to attack a girl.

It was almost the end of the school year; I loved the feeling of my smooth bare legs in my tattered short shorts. I sat patiently on his bed, waiting for him to get back from wherever he was. The room grew dark and I walked over to turn on the one small lamp he had by a lawn chair that sat next to his window.

Before I could flip the switch, I felt something fly around my neck. My hands went quickly to my throat, but before I could tug whatever it was away, I was yanked backwards. My legs flew out from behind me and I landed with a hard thud on the ground. My head hit the concrete floor and I blacked out.

When I woke up I was confused and disoriented. I felt hot breath across my face and heavy panting filled the room. Pain like I had never experienced in my whole life tore through my body as whoever it was forced his way into me over and over again. I let out a startled gasp as realization hit me hard and fast.

“She’s waking up,” I heard someone say. It was then that I realized someone else was pinning down my wrists.

“I’m almost done,” my attacker said.

A gag was shoved in my mouth and duck tape strapped across my face. I tried to move, but it was useless. I felt the man shudder at his release.

“Who’s next?”

Fear like I had never experienced it before shot through my entire body. I didn’t know how long I had been blacked out. I had no idea how many men were in the room. I felt a new pair of hands pinned down my wrists as the violater slid off me. Another body pressed against me, his hands squeezing my breasts like they were hacky sacks.

“They make ‘em good in the country, Toby,” the guy said as he forced my legs apart. “I think this makes up for what you did to Denise.” Hot tears rolled down my face.

“Shut the fuck up, man. She can hear you.”

The voice came from the corner of the room. I knew that voice anywhere…it was Toby.

I don’t know how much time passed. All I knew was that I was violated time and time again. Sometimes I blacked out; other times I bawled so hard that I almost choked on the scarf that had been shoved in my mouth. Finally I heard the sound of the door opening and closing and then there was silence.

I rolled over onto my stomach. My hair was stuck to my tear stained face. I felt blood dripping down my legs. I wanted to vomit. I wanted to…

I was roughly shoved back onto my back. Heavy legs pinned me back down to the ground. A malicious hand wrapped around my throat.

“You tell anyone about this and you’re dead,” Toby said. I heard a click that I didn’t recognize, but there was no mistaking the cold metal barrel of a gun as it was pressed against my temple.

“You don’t know nothing, right?”

My body began to shiver uncontrollably. His breath smelled rank. He reaked of Jack Daniels and rum.

“RIGHT?!”

I shook my head, an animalistic whine of pain escaping from my windpipe. I heard him set the gun down and I took a deep breath. The next moment his fist came crashing into the side of my face. My head flew to the side like a rag doll.

“I didn’t want to do this,” he said almost to himself. “I just, I just made a mistake. This was the way to fix it. The guys won’t rat me out now. We’re square. I'm in the brotherhood. You understand, right?”

Stars still danced in my eyes. I had no idea what he was talking about. My mouth seemed to be filling with blood. He shook my shoulders.

“You understand, right?!”

I nodded, every little movement killed me.

I felt him get up and pace the floor. A few moments later he scooped me up.

“You’ve got to get out of here,” he whispered.

I didn’t know where he was taking me; at that point I didn’t care. I would have gladly died in a gutter. As he tossed me in the backseat of his rattletrap car I blacked out again.

When I woke up, I was in a strange hospital. I knew it wasn't the University Hospital. I looked around in absolute confusion. When a nurse came in and saw that I was awake, she turned right around. A moment later a doctor walked in. When he came near my heart began to pound.

I didn’t want him near me; I didn’t want anyone near me. I opened my mouth to let him know just that but I couldn’t talk. My throat felt like it had been sliced open by tiny razor blades.

“It’s okay,” the doctor said quietly. It sounded like he was shouting.

It was never going to be okay.

Chapter Nineteen – Kevin

I was watching the Late Show with David Letterman. It was midnight and I was looking at airfare to Florida. I had called Nick almost every single day; the news of Aaron’s death weighed heavily on my mind. To die so young…

My thoughts were interrupted by the most terrible screams I had ever heard in my life. They sounded primal and laced with pain. I tossed the laptop on the couch and pounded up the stairs to the guest room.

I flipped the light on to the guest room; Addy was flailing in her sleep. Her hair was damp from sweat and her chest rose and fell rapidly. I walked over and shook her gently.

“Addy! Wake up!” I said in a loud whisper.

It took several shakes but finally she woke up. Tears streamed down her face. She began to beat me away with balled up fists; I was afraid for a moment she’d reach for her shotgun.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.” I repeated over and over. I knelt down by the bed as she fought for control.

“Oh my god. Oh my god,” she moaned. She lowered her head to her knees. Every square inch of her was shaking.

I had never seen anything like it in my life. I had never expected to see this in someone like Addy. From the moment I met her she seemed like she was made from a tough mold. This…this was someone who had been broken.

I got up quietly and left her for a few moments. I went to the bathroom and filled a glass with water. When I returned I knelt by her, holding the glass out.

She seemed oblivious to anything for a few more minutes. Finally she reached out and being careful not to touch me, took the glass. Her lips trembled as she took a sip.

“Can’t you talk about it?” I asked again quietly. She shook her head vehemently.

I sighed in frustration and looked back over at the shotgun.

“What did he do to you, Addy?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I can help you.”

“No one can help me.”

“Does your dad know?”

I saw Addy tense up. Her breathing was under control; I saw her nostrils flare.

“No.”

“Your dad doesn’t know?”

She shook her head.

I felt helpless.

“If this Toby guy’s going to be in town for a few days, don’t you think you need to tell your dad what’s going on?”

“I can’t.”

“Why not?”

A tear rolled down her face.

“Because I’m a good girl.”

I looked out the window. It had begun to snow again.

“Can you answer one question for me?” I asked without looking at her. Several seconds of silence passed. I took that as a yes.

“Did he hit you?”

The look on her face said it all. Even though I had a feeling there was a lot more to the story, at least I could confirm one thing.

If there was one thing in the world I couldn’t stand it was men who beat on women.

I took the empty water glass from her hands and walked back to the doorway.

“Get some sleep,” I said quietly.

“You’re safe here.”

I returned downstairs and picked up my computer. I put a reserve ticket on a flight to Florida for the 20th. If a miracle hadn’t occurred, Nick’s family was going to hold a funeral service that day for Aaron.

After doing that I stared at my screen. I don’t know why, but my fingers began to do a search on Dr. Toby Davidson in Kentucky. The first few pages told me that he was a gynecologist. I had a feeling that the sleezeball hadn’t chosen that profession on a whim.

I narrowed my search and began to wade through more results. I hit pay dirt on the second page.

Dr. Toby Davidson was suspended December 1, 2010 as a result of a several month investigation following reports of inappropriate conduct. One nameless victim claimed inappropriate touching. Another victim claimed that she was put under anesthesia and woke up to him raping her. The more I read the angrier I got. The article ended with a mention that the investigation was still underway and that suspected incidents dating as far back as ten years ago when he attending the University of Kentucky were being followed to help tie up the case. Bail had been set at $75,000.

By the time I finished reading, I concluded that this guy was an all out nutcase. I glanced up at the ceiling. I had a feeling Addy didn’t have a clue about any case or investigation. Something told me that Toby was trying to intercept her before anyone else did. I glanced back and reread the line about incidents dating back to college. My mind put two and two together, and the result wasn’t good.

Somehow I suspected he did more than hit her.

Chapter Twenty – Addy – December 16

I didn’t fall back asleep the entire night. Every time that I remotely drifted off, his face came back into my mind. I curled up in a tight ball feeling nauseous, sweaty, and dirty. Always dirty.

Even as the sun rose, I stayed in the same position. I had nowhere to go.

When I had woken in the hospital, I had no idea how I had gotten there. A trauma psychologist had come to visit me when I was finally able to talk, not that it did much good. I constantly felt the cold metal barrel of the gun on my temple. I wasn’t going to talk.

I found out that I was at Lexington Memorial, not the University of Kentucky Hospital. I soon began to despise the walls, the nurses, everything. My face was battered to a pulp. The doctor and yet another psychologist tried to convince me to go to the police. I just tuned them out.

The only place I had wanted to go was home. I waited until my bruising and swelling had gone down before I called my dad.

I had told him that I had bought a car and that I had gotten into a car accident. The doctors could do nothing to correct the lie; I had patient confidentiality on my side.

I will never forget the look on my dad’s face when he walked into the room. He had never looked so pale; the sparkle was gone out of his eyes.

“Oh honey,” he had said, taking my hand. He was the only man I ever wanted to see again; the only one I could trust.

“Daddy,” I had croaked out, my voice still raw. “I want to go home.”

And so we had. That had been ten years ago.

It still seemed like yesterday.

I felt the first rays of a bright winter sun filtering through the curtains. Prisms of light danced around the room. A soft knock sounded on the door; I didn’t answer. After a few moments, the door swung open slowly. Kevin walked in with a breakfast tray.

“I made omelets,” he said quietly. I didn’t sit up. He stood there awkwardly, not knowing where to put the tray; he finally opted for the nightstand.

I had assumed he would leave; instead he stood in the middle of the room. He looked thoughtful, like he was mediating. He seemed to be choosing his words carefully.

“Before your dad gets back in town,” Kevin said. “I want to talk to you about Toby Davidson.”

The omelet smelled delicious; still I didn’t move.

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

Kevin looked behind him and pulled a well worn reading chair from the wall. He pulled it over to the bed, keeping a safe distance away. I saw him unfold some printed pages. He held them out to me.

“Read this.”

Reading required me to sit up; it was something I didn’t want to do. Still, he persisted, shaking the papers slightly to keep my attention. With a sigh I took them and sat up on the bed. Since I had gotten that far, I took the glass of orange juice of the tray. There was no use wasting good orange juice.

As I read the papers, the first thought that came to my mind was that Kevin Richardson certainly wasn’t easy to fool. He had obviously spent quite a bit of the evening putting together what amounted to background research on…on…him.

I had no idea that Toby was a gynecologist; the thought made my stomach turn. The acid in the orange juice felt like a boulder sliding down my throat.

I let out a little gasp as I read the entry on his recent suspension. My palms grew sweaty as I read that suspected incidents dating as far back as ten years ago when he attending the University of Kentucky were being followed.

There was no doubt in my mind why Toby had tracked me down. He wanted to make sure that I kept quiet.

“So, now that I’ve shared what I know,” Kevin said, breaking through my thoughts. “Can you share what you know?”

I looked over at him. He was calmly cutting his omelet in little perfect bits and eating as if everything was right in the world. I glanced back down at the papers.

“What’s there to tell?” I said quietly.

“Why’d you drop out of school?”

“I was in a car accident.”

“Really?”

I stared down into my glass.

“He’s hurt a lot of women, Addy,” Kevin said softly. I felt a tear roll down my face; I quickly brushed it away. I was mortified as more kept coming. A minute later I was sobbing.

I was in fight or flight mode. I knew if Kevin tried to come over to comfort me that I would freak out. I saw him get up and I braced myself. I was surprised when he set a box of Kleenex at my feet and then sat back down. I grabbed some tissues and buried my face.

Except for the sound of my cries, all was quiet. When I had finally calmed down, I looked over at him. It seemed to be taking the last bit of energy for him to remain a bystander.

“Addy,” he said, trying again. “I promise you that if you tell me what’s going on I won’t tell your dad. This guy’s bad news and he’s in town looking for you. You need to let someone know what’s going on. My life’s far from perfect, but I think I can help you. If I can't, I'd like to help you find someone that will.”

“Trust me.”

His last two words summed up my problem. I didn’t know how to trust. I felt like I was between a rock and a hard place. Under no circumstance was I going to tell my dad what happened, but the whole rest of the town was happily oblivious. They probably figured Toby just wanted to look up his ex-girlfriend and reminisce.

It was the type of reminiscing that made my flesh crawl.

Then there was the added threat of police coming to talk to me. Even though they couldn’t possibly know why I was in the hospital, I’m sure they knew I dropped out of school after a hospitalization.

After all these years I thought I was finally coming into my own. I was a broken person, but I was self reliant.

Now…

I glanced at Kevin and took a deep breath.

I needed help.

Chapter Twenty One – Kevin

Addy glanced and me and then back at the comforter. She took another deep breath.

“I told my dad I was in a car accident,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. “But I wasn’t.”

I had figured that much, but I didn’t interrupt. I just watched her quietly from my chair, my fingers flexing for lack of anything else to do.

“It was probably my fault,” she said with a bitter laugh. “I should have listened to my roommate. To the rumors…”

At that point it was like a dam that had been built over a decade ago broke. The story poured from her lips as fast as the tears fell from her eyes. She didn’t look at me; she stared straight ahead as if trapped in the clutches of the deepest layers of hell. The more she talked, the more I stared at her in disbelief.

I had assumed the guy liked to beat up on women. I didn’t realize that he had offered up his girlfriend for a gang bang. As she described the metal barrel of the gun being shoved into her forehead I realized that I had begun to cry.

For her.

“I told dad I was in a car accident. He never pressed me for details. The hospital staff tried to the bitter end to get me to go to the police. I just wanted to go home,” she finished. Her head turned slightly in my direction as if only just remembering I was still in the room. Her eyes swam with unshed tears.

“I don’t want him here. This is my only safe place. He needs to go away.”

It was my turn to take a deep breath.

“Then you need to go to the police and tell them what you know.”

She shook her head.

“I don’t want my dad to know.”

“None of this was your fault, Addy,” I said quietly. She shook her head.

“No, I was the one that made the choice to go see him that night,” she said stubbornly.

“You couldn’t have had any idea,” I argued.

So let out a shudder just as I heard a knock on the front door. Her eyes widened.

“It’s okay,” I said, feeling the need to assure her. I stood up and sat my breakfast tray on the floor. “Stay here.”

I headed down the stairs. I knew even before I opened the door who it was.

“Dr. Selinski,” I said with a smile. “Good to see you.”

I had never seen anyone look more confused. He stared at me as if he had never seen me before.

“I just got back in town. Three people just told me you just got married…to Adelaide.”

I opened my mouth but nothing came out. I had forgotten about that part of the story.

“Oh,” I finally managed to say.

“Is she here?”

“Who?”

He brushed past me. In a big booming voice he called for Addy.

It took a few moments but finally she came to the top of the stairs. Her eyes were red-rimmed.

“Addy!” Dr. Selinski said sounded surprised. “Are you okay?”

She began to cry again. I took a step forward to play mediator, but as I did so I felt a hard fist connect directly with my face and it was lights out.

---------------------------------------

“He’s coming around,” I heard a voice say from above me. A horrible odor jerked me awake.

“Smelling salts work every time,” the voice said again.

I opened my eyes slowly. I felt like I had been run over by a truck but I knew the truth.

Santa had hit me!

Dr. Selinski and Addy were both hovering over me.

“You okay Kevin?” Dr. Selinski said gently. Obviously Addy had told him something. I touched the side of my face; it was tender, but I knew I’d live. I sat up slowly and nodded.

“I guess I jumped to conclusions,’ he continued lightly. He glanced over at Addy, a worried expression marking his face.

“I think the three of us need to talk,” he added.

Ten minutes later we were assembled around my kitchen table. Abby stared at the wood table, a Kleenex balled in her hand. I stared over at Dr. Selinski.

“Addy won’t tell me anything except that Toby Davidson’s back in town and she’s scared of him,” he began. I nodded.

“I can’t speak for her,” I said, nodding towards Addy. “But he’s bad news.”

Dr. Selinski glanced over at Addy worriedly. “Does this have to do with your car accident?”

Addy met his eyes for just the briefest moment before looking back down. She nodded.

“Was Toby the car?” he continued, his voice dropping to barely above a whisper. Addy looked over at him surprised.

“Adelaide, I’m a doctor,” he reminded her. “There’s a difference between abrasions from a car accident and abrasions from fists and feet.”

She shuddered, but nodded.

“Sweetheart, I know we don’t like to talk about any of the bad things,” he said. “But you can’t stick your head in the sand like an ostrich.”

Her eyes flew to his face; it was the first time I saw her look at him in any way but lovingly.

“What about you? You’ve had your head in the sand for twenty-five years.”

It was like she had hit him; I saw him wince and stare down at the table. He seemed to be gathering his strength.

“Toby’s here now; your mother’s never coming back,” he said, as if each word was like a knife stabbing him in the chest. “Let’s tackle the pressing problem first.”

Before anyone said anything further, I heard another knock on the front door. I stood up and slowly made my way into the hall. I blanched.

Toby was standing at the door, his hand still in a hard fist, his eyes blazing with a controlled fury.

Taking a deep breath, I opened the door just a crack. I kept the security chain attached.

“Yes?”

“I was just wondering if I could come in and talk to Addy for a moment,” he said as if this was an everyday occurrence.

“Oh, no,” I shook my head. “I don’t think so.”

I heard the sound of a click that I didn’t recognize; the next second I was starring down the barrel of a gun. Toby smiled coldly.

“I think so.”

Chapter Twenty Two

Toby's steel toe boot hurled towards the door. The safety chain didn't stand a chance. I heard it fall to the ground with a clink. I walked backwards, never taking my eyes off of him or the gun. I only hoped that the racquet would give Dr. Selinski and Addy time to sneak out the back door.

"Where is she?" he asked, his head swinging back and forth as he walked closer to me.

"She left," I said. Toby gave me a cocky grin.

"Yeah, and I was born yesterday." He made a motion with the gun. "Let's take a little tour."

I didn't see that I had much of a choice; I walked into the living room, stalling. It was evident no one was in there. I felt the tip of the gun poke my back.

"Let's see the kitchen."

My palms began to sweat slightly as we walked towards the kitchen. I almost slumped in relief to find it empty. Toby went around opening the tall pantry doors. When he was satisfied no one was lurking, he glared at me.

"Stairs. NOW!"

I started up the stairs. I hadn't heard the sound of the back screen door, but then again the sound of the door being kicked in would have muffled anything else. When I got to the landing, I stopped and looked out the window to the backyard. All was quiet.

We went from room to room; Toby grew more and more frustrated. Finally he nudged me downstairs. He backed up towards the kicked in door, still pointing the gun at me.

"I already checked the old man's house. She wasn't there..."

I heard a click and knew that he wasn't going to hesitate shooting me.

"I think you better start talking."

Before I could open my mouth, I heard the gun go off. Hot flames licked my shoulder as I dove to the ground. I waited for another shot; I’m sure he’d want to finish the job.

He never had a chance; a team in head to toe black swarmed into the house. Sadieville didn't even HAVE a police station; to have an entire SWAT team invade my house surprised me more than the idea that I could have just had a bullet go through me.

Toby was disarmed, pushed roughly to the floor, and handcuffed behind his back. After being read his rights, he was yanked up hard. He glared down at me with cold eyes. I held my shoulder; blood began to seep through my fingers.

"I feel sorry for you. Addy wasn’t that good anyhow."

He spat on the ground just inches from my face.

The team led Toby to a line of squad cars that lined the street. He was put roughly into the back seat of the lead SWAT car.

At the same time, I heard the screen door off the kitchen swing open and bang shut. I turned to see Dr. Selinski and Addy skidding to a halt in the doorway. Addy slumped against her dad. I didn’t think it was possible, but she turned even paler.

I blinked; I think I was in shock.

"What just happened?"

------------------------

Two hours later Dr. Selinski, Addy, and I sat in a row at the police station in Lexington. The bullet had just grazed my shoulder; I was patched and good as new. The SWAT team had been keeping track of Toby's whereabouts since he posted bond and had followed him down to Sadieville. It was a matter of being at the right place at the right time. I didn't want to think of what would have happened otherwise.

A female detective came out from the back and smiled kindly at Addy. I had shot down the first three male detectives that had even come up to us. It was funny; TV was filled with female detectives. In Lexington, a Mariska Hargitay was almost impossible to find.

"Addy?" she said softly. Addy looked up and nodded.

"I'm Detective Quinley. I'm hoping I can talk to you about a case we're working on."

Dr. Selinski squeezed her hand. She looked over at me; I nodded.

"Okay," she said quietly, standing up. In the short time I had known her she had always looked her age. At that moment she looked like she was sixteen years old.

As the door closed behind her and the detective, I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

"Thank you."

I looked over at Dr. Selinski in surprise.

"You've done in two days what I couldn't do in ten years."

I shook my head. "It wasn't me. It was him showing up that did this."

We lapsed into a mutual silence. It seemed impossible that it was almost Christmas. Between the incident today and Aaron's funeral, I just wasn't in the Christmas spirit.

I had thought that I needed to escape Lexington because of the craziness of big city living. Little did I know craziness just seemed to follow me.

When I was little I had wanted to be a football player, a rockstar, and a detective. I had done the football thing, I was getting back into the rockstar thing, and now I was getting my chance to be a detective. I glanced over at Dr. Selinski. His face was filled with tension. I couldn't help but wonder what more would be uncovered. Sadieville seemed to have its own share of secrets.

I had a feeling I was going to fit in better than I had ever suspected.

Chapter Twenty Three - Addy

I followed Detective Quinley back to a small room that contained one a table and two chairs.

“Coffee?”

“No thank you,” I said quietly. I felt like every ounce of energy had been sucked out of my body the last two days. I hadn’t felt so weak and drained since…since…

Well, you know.

I sat down and stared at the table. Deep scratches ran into the table with initials and gang signs. Detective Quinley sat down across from me.

“We’d like to know about your relationship with Toby Davidson.”

An acidic taste rose from my throat. I was sick of hearing his name. I hated him more than I thought I could ever hate anyone in my entire life.

The sight of Kevin lying on the floor bleeding was still burned into my mind. He had taken a bullet…

For me.

I knew the least I could do to pay him back would be to give a truthful statement. For the second time that day I unleashed the memories I had bottled up inside me for so long.

Detective Quinley took notes, but she also turned on a tape recorder. I didn’t notice the recorder at first, but the third time I fell silent I heard the metallic whirl of the machine.

“And you didn’t go to the police?” the detective asked when I had sufficiently finished my retelling.

“No.”

“You mentioned one of the men said ‘This makes up for what you did to Denise.’ Do you know what that meant?”

I licked my lips. “There were rumors….rumors about Toby assaulting another pre-med.”

“Did you know a Denise?”

I racked my brain; I couldn’t conjure up an image. I shook my head.

“We had such a large class. I…I don’t remember.”

“Did you recognize any of the other men that assaulted you?”

I shook my head. “It’s was dark…I was…I was scared,” I said in a small voice.

Detective Quinley sat back. I detected a note of sadness on her face.

“The statute of limitations has run out for your case, but the evidence that you do give help establish criminal motive as far back as ten years ago.”

“He’s going to jail right?” The thought that he’d be sent free sent shivers down my spine.

“This investigation has been going on for over a year and he’s involved in a lot more than assaults. I can guarantee you Dr. Davidson won’t be walking free for a very long time.”

I let out a little sigh as I stood up.

“Can I go?”

“You’re free to go,” the detective said. Before I reached for the door handle, I felt her hand on my shoulder. I turned to look at her; she placed a card in my hand.

“It’s never too late to start over,” she said quietly as she brushed past me out the door.

I stood in the empty room and looked at the card. It was for a Rape Crisis and Recovery Group.

I closed my eyes. Maybe it wasn’t too late.

-----------------------------------------------------

December 19

“You’re flying to Florida? But you’re injured!”

I was in Puck’s stall, giving him a thorough brushing. It was freezing cold but it felt right. Kevin sat on some frost covered haystacks. By doctor’s orders, he wasn’t to use his arm until his wound had healed.

“The bullet just grazed me,” he reminded me calmly. “I have to go.”

I looked over at him. A wash of sadness crossed his face.

“What happened?”

“The brother of one of my best friend’s jumped off a lighthouse in Cozumel a week or so ago. The funeral’s tomorrow."

I rested the brush against my hip. “Oh, I’m so sorry.”

Kevin nodded. “I don’t know what it is about these guys. I leave for five years and they just keep getting into trouble.”

“Do you miss it?”

“Miss what?”

“Being a rock star.”

He threw back his head and laughed.

“I don’t know that I’d call me a rock star. The Backstreet Boys are a pop group, after all.”

I shrugged. “I guess I don’t know a lot about it.”

“Well, I didn’t think you even knew anything. This is the first town where I haven’t gotten recognized by one person.”

“Give Tina Wilcox some time,” I warned. “She was the biggest boy band junkie around when we were in school. She did say you looked familiar.”

Kevin laughed. “She thinks we’re married, remember?”

I wrinkled my nose. “Yeah about that…”

“Of course, now that you’re back at your dad’s house I’m sure rumors will fly about what a horrible husband I was.”

I looked at his in exasperation. “You took a bullet for me!”

He smiled and shrugged with his good shoulder. “I know. That should count for something.”

In the back of my mind, I had this strange feeling that there was a little flirty going on, but I pushed that thought away.

“Thank you for risking your life for me,” I said. Kevin grinned until he saw the seriousness on my face.

“Hey,” he said softly. “A little nick to my shoulder was a helluva lot better than what you went through. I wish I could do more.”

I had forgotten I was standing next to Puck. He leaned down and nudged me as if to say ‘Hey, c’mon. Ask already.’

I took a deep breath. “Actually, I was wondering how often you have to go back to Lexington to check on things.”

“I’m going to try to go every two weeks or so for meetings with the lawyer, family, and business things. Why?”

“I was just wondering…” I took a deep breath. “If maybe I could ride with you.”

“Really?”

I returned to brushing Puck just so I had something to do. There wasn’t a speck of anything on him, but I didn’t care.

“I…I’ve been thinking about going to this group thing. To talk about...things.”

I was waiting for him to ask me a question that I didn’t want to answer. Instead he came up to the stall door and held out a carrot stick. Puck grabbed it greedily.

“That’s fine with me. Just let me know what time your thing starts.”

I looked over and met his gaze. We smiled. Outside the snow began to fall.

Maybe it was beginning to seem a little like Christmas, after all.

Chapter Twenty Four – December 20 - Kevin

If I hadn’t been used to traveling, my body would have gone into temperature shock for sure. I had just left snow-covered Kentucky and landed in muggy, rain-drenched Florida. I checked into my hotel, changed into my black suit, and had just enough time to get to the church. I was glad the guys couldn’t see me now; I was Mr. Punctual. Nick would have razed me for days…except I had a feeling Nick wouldn’t be in the razzing mood today.

My cab pulled up to the church and I stepped out, feeling a deep pit of dread in my stomach. I had seen Aaron grow up; the Carter brothers were like my brothers. It didn’t seem like Aaron could have let himself go that far, that fast.

Of course we all had let ourselves go at one point in time. I had just survived that point. Not all of us do.

The Littrells and McLeans were inside as I walked in. My footsteps didn’t make a sound on the soft carpet. I placed a hand on Brian’s shoulder as I slid into the pew behind them.

“I didn’t know you were coming,” Brian said. He stood and pulled me into a big hug.

“I needed to come,” I said. I hugged Leighanne as she stood up.

“Hi sweetheart,” I said.

“You look good, Kev,” she said, hugging me tightly.

“Hi Uncle Kevin!”

I smiled down at Baylee. It was scary; he was looking more and more like Brian every day.

“Hey, buddy.”

AJ and Rochelle were next in lines for hugs and greetings. By the time we were done chatting, Howie and Leigh walked up. When we were done with that round of hugs, Howie pulled me aside.

“Nick wants to do a song or two. I thought we’d go up and join him,” Howie whispered. “Do you want to?”

“Which songs?”

“Brian suggested Go Rest High on That Mountain and I suggested Never Gone.”

Both songs I knew well. I should; I wrote Never Gone. I nodded. “Absolutely.”

Brian, AJ, Howie, and I stepped out to a more private area to get our pitches right. We had just sat back down when I heard Leighanne tell Brian that Nick just walked in.

I stood up and turned around. If I hadn’t spent a great deal of my life living in close quarters with the guy, it would have been hard to believe this was the same Nick Carter. He seemed…so grown up. Of course having a pregnant fiancée probably helped that picture of maturity. He held onto Olivia like the most prized possession in the entire world. She was a pretty girl, in fact, the two of them just looked right together. She leaned into him and whispered something; he nodded and kissed her cheek. Then he spotted us; he stopped right where he was.

The guys and I walked up and hugged him tightly. When it was Brian’s turn, Nick began to cry.

“I’m sorry, Nick,” Brian whispered. “He was like my little brother too.”

I think we all felt that way.

We returned to our seats as Nick and Olivia found a place in front of us in the Family section. The service started not long after. A blonde sea of Carters (sans Angel and Olivia with their dark hair) all sat stoically, heads bowed. Nick didn’t let go of Olivia’s hand for a moment. Several times I saw his shoulders begin to shake.

After a slideshow of Aaron’s life, the preacher stepped forward.

"And before we conclude the services for today, Aaron's brother Nick would like to symbolize our reflection of Aaron’s life with song. Aaron lived to sing and perform; there could be no better tribute that could be given to help his soul alight to Heaven," he said.

I saw Nick stand. I was the first one to him; I draped my arm around his shoulder and gave him a little tug for old time’s sake. He gave me a small, grateful smile as we headed up to the front of the room. When we were all in one line, we lowered our heads in prayer. Then the organist began to play.

Besides the occasional Sunday church service, it had been awhile since I had sang in front of anybody. It especially hit me as we sang Never Gone that I truly missed making music and performing music. There’s nothing like the power of song.

After we had finished, we filed past a picture of Aaron on a golden stand. Aaron was standing at the beach, the sun behind him, a radiant smile lighting up his face. I kissed the frame, praying that no matter what, Aaron had found peace.

We filed back out into the drenching rain. Without a body to bury, there was no gravesite service. I walked up to Nick and squeezed his shoulder.

“I’ve got to catch a plane back to Lexington,” I said apologetically. “Kristin’s flying Mason in for Christmas with me.”

“How are things going, Kev?” Nick asked.

“I’m taking it one day at a time,” I answered. "Just getting Mason here for Christmas was challenging, but those wonderful reference letters you guys sent in helped a lot. I think we've almost settled on a custody schedule. We'll be back in court January 10. If everything's agreed upon, the divorce will be finalized by the end of February or first of March."

“Thank you for coming,” Nick said. I hugged Nick tightly, shoulder be damned.

“Anything for you.”

I spent a few hours after the service doing some Christmas shopping. I hit up the huge toy stores for Mason and was just about ready to flag a taxi back to the hotel when something in the window of an antiques store caught my eye.

It had Addy’s name written all over it.

After an early dinner at the hotel, I checked out and took a taxi to the airport. My mind was still on the small package nestled into my carry-on bag.

I hadn’t bought a gift for a girl (sans Kristin) in a long time.

It felt good.

Chapter Twenty Five – December 22 – Addy

For the past three days the snow had been relentless, coming down in big heavy flakes so fat that you couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. Big snow drifts blew through the barn the moment you got the doors open. The horses were restless but I didn’t fathom running through the fields.

Dad and I had fallen into our old ways. I still couldn’t sit down face to face with him and tell him word for word what had really happened. There wasn’t an easy way to tell your father that you had been reduced to nothing more than a living blow up doll.

Aside from pressing emergencies, dad always closed the office from the 22nd through the 26th. He was currently hunkered down in front of the TV watching football. I was getting out ingredients to bake cookies. I had just taken off the lid of the vanilla and was greedily inhaling the sweet scent when the phone rang. I reached over and picked up the phone hanging on the wall.

“Hello?”

I heard a loud crackling and a screech. I held the phone away from my ear and winced. From the depths of the static a voice began to get clearer.

“Ad—“ the voice cut out. “Addy?”

This time the voice was clear.

“Kevin?”

Another loud crackle filled the line.

“Stuck...mile…Sadieville.”

“What?”

This time another little voice came on the phone.

“Santa needs to come get us! We’re stuck-ed!”

“Mason?”

The phone went dead. I stared at it for a few seconds thoughtfully before hanging up. I poked my head into the living room. Dad was falling asleep.

“Hey dad?”

His head jerked back up. He looked at me as if he had almost forgotten I was there.

“What?”

“I think it’s our turn to save the day.”

---------------------------------------

It had been fifteen years since dad had taken the large sleigh he had handcrafted out from the large storage shed and hooked it up to our team of horses. Moonshine, as the oldest horse, was the only one that had been on the last ride. I was confident that for as many times as Puck and Robin Hood had followed her, that we would have no problem at all. I had already gotten them used to the heavy attachments; now they would be able to make use of their knowledge.

“They said they were about a mile outside Sadieville. They’re coming from Lexington,” I called as Dad placed a pile of blankets in the sleigh. He climbed on up as if he hadn’t aged a day. I actually saw excitement on his face.

“Well let’s get them, shall we?”

I scrambled up behind him and with a “Yah!” the horses took off. Snowflakes clung to my hair and the wind hit my face, but I wasn’t as cold as I thought I would be.

The farther we went outside the town, the heavier the snow was. The sleigh glided over the packed snow without a problem and the horse’s heavy hooves kept a steady beat. About a mile from town I saw Kevin’s car. The roads hadn’t been plowed; there was no way his car was going to get through.

“Whoa!” dad called out loudly. The horses stopped; Moonshine tossed her head as if to say ‘see, I still got it!’

Kevin stepped out of the car. Even through the whirling snow I could see the incredulous look on his face. He shook his head and opened the backseat. A second later he pulled Mason out. Mason’s face lit up as he pointed.

“Santa’s sleigh!!!!”

Kevin walked over slowly, Mason clinging to his neck. The snow clung to his goatee. The closer he got, the more I could see the smile on his face.

“You guys actually have a sleigh?” he said incredulously. I nodded.

“Dad built it when I was little,” I explained.

“Can we go to the Nowth Pole?” Mason squealed as Kevin set him up in the sleigh. I threw a blanket around him.

Dad chuckled. “Not today, kiddo.”

Kevin returned to his car and returned a few minutes later with a duffel bag and three other large bags. He hoisted himself up beside Mason. I turned to look at them with a smile.

“Welcome back,” I said lightly. Kevin smiled, tucking Mason close to him.

“Good to be back.”

The ride back to town was more eventful than the ride out. Mason began to sing Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer at the top of his lungs. Kevin began to sing along. By the time we pulled back up to the house, we were all singing.

“You want to stop in for some hot chocolate?” my dad asked. “We can take you guys over to your place in a bit.”

For once, I was hoping Kevin would say yes.

“You want hot chocolate buddy?” I heard him ask Mason. I thought it was a silly question; what little kid turns down anything that has chocolate in its name?

“Yeah!”

We headed inside. Mason still clung to the big woolen blanket that weighed more than him. The warmth of the kitchen felt like heaven.

The guys clustered around the kitchen table as I made rounds of cocoa for all. Sprinkling a handful of marshmallows in each cup, I placed two steaming mugs down for dad and Kevin and a lukewarm mug down in front of Mason.

“I can’t believe how hard it’s snowing,” Kevin said as he looked outside.

“Well, we’re definitely going to have a white Christmas,” dad said. “Perfect marshmallow to chocolate ratio Addy,” he added, lifting his mug. I laughed softly.

“Santa?” Mason said in his tiny voice. My dad looked over at him.

“How do you fit down the chim-nee?”

Kevin, dad, and I all burst into laughter. I noticed a twinkle appear in his blue eyes.

“Magic, buddy.”

Mason smiled and took a big sip from his cup. When he pulled away he had a marshmallow mustache.

It was the most laughter I had heard in our kitchen in a long, long time.

Chapter Twenty Six – December 24 – Kevin

I woke up the morning of Christmas Eve and spent a few moments just staring up at the ceiling. Since I had picked up Mason, time had sped up at an alarming rate. I hated the thought that in less than a week I’d have to fly him back to Kristin in Los Angeles.

My meeting with Kristin had been awkward to say the least. For one thing, I barely recognized her. I didn’t say anything but it was obvious that she had paid a visit to a surgeon. I had been with her for almost twenty years, I was well aware of how small and large things used to be. She seemed so…plastic.

On the way to Sadieville, Mason had chatted about this toy or that and how much he missed me.

“Mommy come for Chwistmas?” he asked. I looked in the rearview mirror. He was staring at the back of my head with large eyes.

“No buddy,” I said quietly.

He didn’t ask any other questions and I really didn’t know what else to say. Mason filled in the blank a few seconds later.

“Mommy spend Chwistmas with Greg,” he said solemnly.

I was going to ask him who Greg was, but I didn’t. Surprisingly, I didn’t feel the fiery jealousy that I thought I would. Maybe it was just that I had suspected for awhile now that there was someone else. Maybe we had been so far removed from each other for so long that it just seemed like a natural progression.

I had spent the first two days with Mason at home. We trimmed the tree, built a snowman, and bought a snowmobile. With Addy’s help, we also made some cookies.

Mason seemed to adore Addy. I don’t know whether it’s because she’s a natural with children or if it’s because he thinks she’s Santa’s daughter. Either way, he watched her rapturously as she showed him how to measure out flour.

With a yawn I rolled out of bed. I had Mason’s presents wrapped and stored on the shelf in my closet. From my duffel bag I pulled out a long, thin box. I decided today would be a good day to pay a Christmas visit to Ms. Selinski.

As I headed towards the bathroom, I peeked in at Mason. He was curled up in his toddler bed, his mouth open, his blonde hair falling in his eyes. He clung to a giant plush reindeer, still lost in dreams.

After I showered I called my mom. She assured me that the entire Richardson clan would be headed to Sadieville for Christmas Day. Typically we went to mom’s house, but I really wanted Mason to be able to enjoy a Christmas morning at home.

Mason woke up not long after and we made a breakfast of scrambled eggs and toast. I saw Mason peek at the tree hopefully.

“Chwistmas?” he said, looking back at me.

“Tomorrow morning, bud,” I said gently. As Mason got older, he seemed to make Christmas more and more exciting.

I saw him peek at the chimney.

“Is our chimney dirty?” he said seriously. He looked concerned. I tried my hardest not to laugh.

“Don’t worry buddy. No one’s going to forget you.”

I set him up with a coloring book and crayons while I did the dishes. My mind went back to the package lying on my bed.

“Want to go visit Addy today?” I said.

“And Santa?”

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him that Santa might be getting the reindeer ready, but I thought better. Best not to egg him on even more, even though the sleigh didn’t help matters much.

“Sure buddy.”

We had finally gotten my car unstuck the day before. I grabbed the package from my bedroom and got Mason dressed and bundled up in a winter coat. We headed outside; Mason pointed at his snowman.

“Someone ate Fwosty’s carrot!”

I laughed. “We’ll get him another one when we get home.”

I pulled up to the now familiar farmhouse a few minutes later. The barn door was open.

“Howses?” Mason said, craning his neck to get a better look out the window.

“I think they’re eating breakfast. Let’s go see.”

As of a few days ago, my own horse had become part of the divorce settlement with Kristin. I hadn’t expected her to fight so damn hard over my horse. In the end we were going to sell him and split the profits. I fully intended to get a horse so Mason and I could spend quality time outdoors.

I got out and scooped Mason up.

“I wanna walk!” he complained. I set him down in the snow; the snow was so high that he could barely take a step. Even so, the stubbornness he had gotten for me kicked in and we made our way slowly to the doors. The snow thinned out the closer we got.

Addy was dressed in a horrendous bright green coat, jeans, and red boots. The first thought that came to my mind was that she looked like an elf.

“Addddddy!” Mason yelled out. She turned around just as he ran right to her leg. She looked surprised to see us; I saw her eyes dart over to me.

“Hey Mason,” she said kneeling down with the brush in her hand. She kissed his cheek. “Merry Christmas.”

“Mewwy Chwistmas,” Mason said happily. I walked up slowly, the box still behind my back.

“I didn’t expect to see you guys here,” she said, addressing me.

“Well, I wanted to give you a Christmas present,” I said.

Her eyes widened. “A present?”

I took the box from behind my back and held it out to her. She looked at it warily.

“It won’t explode,” I said gently. I saw Mason tug on Addy’s jean leg.

“Open it! Open it!”

She took the package from my hand and seemed to test its weight. She looked back over at me. I couldn’t help it; I laughed.

“Open it,” I urged, sounding slightly like Mason.

She slowly undid the white ribbon that surrounded the crème color box and lifted the lid. I saw her eyes widen.

“Oh, my,” she said. She held up the charm bracelet, turning it this way and that.

“Do you like it?”

When I had walked by the antiques shop, the bracelet had caught my eye. I knew it was meant to be after I realized with a closer look that it was an equestrian bracelet. A hay stack, horse, horseshoe, and saddle were amongst the many charms.

“This is beautiful,” she said. Her face lit up with a smile that I had never seen before. It caught me off guard.

She was absolutely stunning.

Chapter Twenty Seven – Addy

I stared at the bracelet, a smile lighting up my face. I had meant what I said; it was beautiful. I held it up against my thin wrist. I looked at Kevin and paused.

Our eyes met; I noted a hint of desire in his green eyes. In the back of my mind I thought that it should have made me nervous; but it didn’t.

“This is really too much,” I said, holding the bracelet out to him. He shook his head and took a step back.

“Honestly, it’s not,” he said. He smiled.

“But, I didn’t get anything for you,” I sputtered. The winter sunlight caught the charms; the effect was dazzling.

“That’s good,” Kevin said with a laugh. “I don’t want anything.”

He walked over and took the bracelet from me.

“Hold out your wrist.”

I did as he instructed. He affixed the clasp. The charms fell against my skin softly.

“Lovely,” he declared.

Our eyes met again. I felt my mouth grow dry…and a little hand pulling on my jeans. I looked down.

“Wobin Hood just pooped!” Mason declared; his eyes dancing with excitement.

Kevin and I laughed.

-------------------------------------------------

“So,” Kevin said over the rim of a steaming cup of hot chocolate. “What are you doing for New Years?”

I paused mid-sip. The liquid hit the tip of my tongue and scalded it.

“Probably watching Rockin’ New Years Eve on TV here. Why?”

Kevin glanced at Mason out of the corner of his eye. Dad had pulled out my huge dollhouse and Mason was enraptured with all the people and furniture. Luckily, Kevin wasn’t one of those parents that cringed to see their son playing house.

“Well, I’m flying Mason back out to L.A. for New Year’s.” He looked down at his mug. “I was wondering if you’d like to join me.”

I felt my eyes widen. I clutched my mug a little tighter.

“With you?” I said, my voice higher than normal.

“Yeah. There’s this New Year’s Eve party I’m going to and…”

I shook my head. “Kevin, thank you for asking, but…I just can’t.”

He nodded; somehow I suspected that he knew the answer.

“It’s okay. I just thought I'd try.”

We smiled at the same time.

“Can I at least tell you a secret?” he said a couple moments later.

“Of course.”

He glanced back at Mason before meeting my gaze.

“I’ve decided to rejoin the Backstreet Boys. We’re signing to a new label. They’re making the announcement New Year’s Eve.”

I looked at him; I knew that a normal girl would have realized at that moment that they were sharing hot chocolate with a celebrity. I just couldn’t think of him that way.

“Well, congratulations,” I said. “You’ll be busy.”

“Not until fall,” he said lightly. “We won’t be recording until September. I’ll have Mason the whole summer.”

“So you guys have finished your custody schedule?”

Kevin nodded. “Until Mason starts school I’m going to have him the whole month of December and May through August. Once he starts school, I’ll have him August through May but Kristin will get him for Spring Break and June and July. We’re going to alternate Christmas and New Years every year.”

It wasn’t a perfect arrangement; but it sounded like he had gotten a better deal. He seemed to read my mind; he gave me a lopsided smile.

“I had to give up almost everything else, but I would have cut off my arm for an extra month or two out of the year.”

I nodded and took another sip of my drink. Mason was happily lining up the people in the house.

“How’s it going Mason?” Kevin asked. Mason turned around with a smile.

“There’s you, daddy,” Mason said pointing. “You playing piano. And there’s the howses in the back yard poopin’.”

Kevin laughed. “Where are you buddy?”

He pointed to the kitchen. “Baby Mason in the kitchen making cookies with Addy.”

I felt Kevin’s eyes on me; a weird warmth started in my cheeks and traveled to my toes.

The dollhouse had been my obsession for years before my mom left. There was always the mommy, the daddy, and me, the baby.

And the horses in the backyard pooping.

For Mason to include me in his little family made me feel…well, I wasn’t sure how I felt.

All I knew was that secretly I would make cookies with him in the kitchen anytime he wanted.

Chapter Twenty Eight – December 31 – Kevin

“Daddy got me lots of mooovies!” Mason said. He practically shoved a copy of Toy Story 3 in Kristin’s face. She took it and held it out.

“I’ve got this for you too.” She looked up at me and handed the case to me.

“Maybe you should keep this at your place.”

“Sure,” I said. I didn’t feel like arguing. Instead I knelt down and placed my large hands on Mason’s small shoulders.

“You be good, okay buddy? I’ll see you really soon.”

“I love you, daddy,” he said quietly. I pulled him into a large bear hug and closed my eyes.

This was always going to be the hardest part.

“Let’s go sweetheart,” Kristin said. “Santa left you presents to open at the apartment.”

Mason looked at me and then at Kristin.

“Santa lives in Ken-too-ky.”

Kristin gave me a look but I didn’t feel the need to explain. Instead I kissed Mason’s forehead and stood up.

“Let me know if Mason needs anything,” I said. Kristin nodded and grabbed his bags.

“I will,” she said.

And just like that they were gone.

I didn’t stand around to dwell. I hailed a taxi from the airport to a hotel near Les Deux, the club where we would be making our big announcement. A tuxedo was already ready and waiting. As I dressed I couldn’t help but think how much better the evening would be with a date.

A brunette. From Kentucky.

I straightened my tie and did my own hair. Unlike Nick who loved to spend hours in a chair getting primped, I preferred to do it myself. And, I must admit, I don’t do a bad job.

At nine o’clock a limo waited outside my hotel to take me to Les Deux. I could have walked there, but the music execs wanted to make sure we all arrived in style.

I realized quickly that not much had changed in five years. I was still the first Backstreet Boy down the red carpet. I met up with the executives.

“So glad to have you on board, Kevin.”

“It’s going to be great to have all five of you back together.”

“Good to be back,” I said. We talked briefly; a few of them had seen my performance in Chicago. After awhile I excused myself and grabbed a bottled water from a passing waitress.

“Well, look what the cat dragged in.”

I turned around to see Brian, Leighanne, and Baylee. I laughed as Brian slapped my back. I pulled him in for a hug.

“How was your Christmas?”

“Great, yours?”

“Can’t complain.”

“How long have you been here?”

“Since eight thirty. That’s the time we all agreed to meet.”

“Baylee dropped a spoon down the garbage disposal while it was still running. It’s not easy trying to fix your disposal when you’re in a tux.”

I picked a piece of wilted lettuce off of his lapel and laughed.

“So I see.”

A little while later, Howie, Leigh, Nick, and Olivia wove their way up to us. Leigh and Olivia’s eyes widened when she saw me.

“Surprise,” I said, smiling.

“I didn’t expect to see you here!” Leigh said happily.

Well, I had to fly Mason back to spend New Year’s with Kristin and I, er…” I trailed off, realizing that if I said any more that I would give away the surprise.

“It’s always good to see you,” Olivia said. Nick pulled her close.

Brian launched into a conversation about kids; my heart panged. I missed Mason already. Brian had Baylee; Howie had James…even Nick had a little one on the way. And they were all here to celebrate.

“So when are you making the announcement?” I heard Olivia ask.

“Eleven,” AJ said.

“Do you know what it is?”

Olivia was staring at me. I blinked rapidly, trying to get my thoughts back into the conversation at hand. I smiled.

“I plead the fifth.”

I heard Brian clear his throat. “I think we’ll make our announcement right now.”

I arched an eyebrow. “Your announcement?”

Brian looked at Leighanne; she smiled.

“Brian and I are expecting,” Leighanne said.

“Expecting what?” AJ blurted.

Nick and Olivia laughed. Rochelle smacked him. I stared at Leighanne in surprise. Now that they said it, I noticed how much fuller her face was. Her dress hid anything well.

“What do you think?” she said.

“You dog,” AJ said.

“When are you due?” Leigh asked.

“July,” Leighanne said.

“Are you excited Baylee?” Rochelle asked.

Baylee folded his arms across his chest.

“We’re working on it,” Brian said with a smile. He placed his hands on Baylee’s shoulders.

“Well, congratulations,” I said with a laugh. I did one of those ritualistic male handshakes with Brian before pulling him in for another hug. I kissed Leighanne on the cheek.

“I can never have enough second cousins,” I said with a laugh.

“Don’t say that. This is the last Brian Littrell special,” Brian said. Everyone laughed.

After awhile the group broke up. I hung out with Brian and Leighanne, visiting with Baylee. I couldn’t believe he was eight years old already.

Around eleven, everyone managed to reorganize. Baylee and James were taken back to Brian’s condo. We formed a circle just like old times.

“We ready?” Brian said. He stuck his hand in the middle of the circle. Nick’s hand shot out.

“Ready.”

AJ, Howie followed suit. The guys looked at me; I put my hand in the circle.

“C’mon girls you too,” I said.

Leighanne, Leigh, and Olivia’s hands fell upon ours.

“One…two…three…Backstreet!”

At that moment, the executives took the stage. The crowd turned their attention towards them at the tap of the microphone. Olivia turned on a video camera.

“We’re happy everyone could be here to ring in the New Year at Les Deux. On behalf of the entire Universal Music Group, we would like to introduce our newest recording artists who will record their 8th studio album in 2011. Ladies and gentlemen, Brian Littrell, AJ McLean, Howie Dorough, Nick Carter, and Kevin Richardson!”

We bounded up onstage. It felt right, being flanked by my brothers on all sides. I heard loud whistles erupt from the crowd. Howie got to the microphone first.

“On behalf of the entire group, I want to thank Universal for taking us on,” Howie said. “We’re also thrilled to announce the return of our fifth member, Kevin.”

I laughed and raised my hand in a quick wave.

“We’re going to take 2011 and make sure we can produce the best album possible. It’s time to make the music we want to make and Universal is helping us pave the way,” Howie concluded. AJ grabbed the mic.

“So without further ado, let’s ring in the New Year the right way. Backstreet’s Back!”

The rest of the night was a blur. I shook so many hands and received so many well wishes. For an hour, the five of us slouched in chairs and reminisced about all the stupid things we had done on the road. It felt good.

I only wished that Addy could have been there with me.

Chapter Twenty Nine – January 3 – Addy

“You don’t have to do this. You just got back yesterday,” I argued. Kevin shook his head.

“It’s not a problem. I need to meet with my lawyer anyhow.”

He glanced my way and smiled.

“Plus, after we’re both done with our meetings I need some help.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“With what?”

“You’ll see.”

I propped my chin on my hand. My bracelet made a soft tinkling noise as the charms hit one another.

Today was my first recovery group meeting. My stomach was twisting into familiar knots of panic.

“You okay?” he asked as we took the off ramp.

Lexington spilled out before my eyes. I nodded.

We pulled up to a building close to the police station. It couldn’t have been any old building; the only reason I knew it was the right one was because I double checked the address.

“You want me to walk you in?” he asked. I could tell he was leery of the unremarkable building. I took a deep breath.

“No, it’s fine,” I said, sliding out of the car. I clutched my purse tightly.

“I’ll be back in an hour and a half,” he assured me. I nodded.

That morning dad had asked me if I was going to the office with him. He was surprised when I told him I had other plans, but he didn’t ask for more details.

I walked in and checked room numbers until I found door 1-B. I knocked.

“Come in.”

The group was small. Four women were sitting on folding chairs; one held a clipboard. She stood up.

“I’m Lana Polizito.”

I licked my dry lips. “Addy Selinski.”

“Why don’t you have a seat? The group’s usually bigger, but with the holidays and everything…”

I hoped she was implying that people were just visiting family, not swimming with the fishes. I sat down in an empty chair.

The other three women had been coming to group for awhile. That meant that I was in the limelight from the beginning.

“Why don’t you tell us your experience?” Lana said quietly. I looked at her.

“My experience?”

“Your assault.”

I winced. “Do I have to?”

“Talking about it is the first step to confronting and overcoming.”

I took a deep breath. Every time I even thought about it I was exhausted. With my eyes trained firmly on my barn boots I began to recount my ordeal. I had a sympathetic audience; the few times I glanced up I found two or the other three women nodding as if saying ‘Been there, done that.’

“How has your experience affected your life?” Lana asked after I had finished recounting my story.

“Affected my life?” I said in confusion. She nodded. I paused.

“Well…I dropped out of college,” I said. “So, I guess not getting my degree.”

“What else?”

I thought about that. My relationship with my dad and the people in my town never changed. I looked back at Lana blankly.

“What about your other relationships?”

“Nothing changed. My dad and I…the people in my town…we’re all the same.”

Lana shook her head. “What about the relationships you’ve had since Toby?”

I looked at her in surprise. I glanced at the other three women.

“I…I haven’t had any.”

“Due to a lack of trust?”

I thought about it. Trust was definitely a big part of the picture. Of course, there also weren’t many single guys in Sadieville. I looked back at the other three women. The stubborn side of me decided I had done enough talking.

“What about you guys?”

One of the two that had nodded during my story looked my way. She was a little thing; small features and long blonde hair.

“I just got married,” she said in a high voice that matched her tininess.

“I’ve gone through men like water,” the red head of the group admitted. “After my rape, my self-respect went out the window.”

I looked at the last girl. She was a beautiful African American woman; she looked like she could be a model. She shook her head.

“I don’t want to get hurt again.”

Now that was a statement I could understand. I looked at Lana.

“I think that’s it,” I said. “I just don’t want to get hurt again.”

“Is there anyone you do trust?” Lana asked.

My dad immediately came to mind, but surprisingly I thought of someone else…

Kevin.

I nodded. “There’s a couple people.”

“Well that’s a start,” Lana said. “You know, Addy, it’s great that this is your first meeting. It’s a new year and with a new year comes the ability to start over. You get a clean slate. It’s up to you to decide what to do with it. The first thing to remember is that rape changes you; but it should not consume you.”

I nodded thoughtfully. Luckily, Lana turned her attention to the other three women. The blonde, Brittany, was having problems in the bedroom with her new husband. The redhead, Daisy, was having problems staying away from the bedroom. The African American woman, Nevaeh, seemed to have worse trust problems than me.

It was nice to know that no matter what, I wasn’t alone. For so many years I had felt singled out. Not that I would wish my experience on anyone, but it felt nice to talk and for the listener to know exactly how I felt.

I left the meeting feeling better. As uncomfortable as it was to share my feelings openly, I felt, I don’t know, lighter because of it. Kevin was waiting outside.

“How’d it go?” he asked. I looked over at him. I actually smiled.

“I made a good choice.”

Kevin started driving. I knew as the landscape changed from urban to rural that he had something up his sleeve.

“Where are we going?”

He turned onto a gravel drive and we began the bumpety-bump that only an uneven drive can produce. He stopped in front of a large white farmhouse.

“I need some expert advice. I’m buying a horse.”

Twenty minutes later we walked along the stalls. It was an equestrian lover’s dream.

“What are you looking for?” I asked. Kevin looked thoughtful.

“Well, I’d like her young, but not too young; she’s got to have a quiet maturity. She’s needs to be good hearted with a wonderful disposition. And most importantly she’s got to be good with Mason.”

“That’s a tall order for a horse,” I said with a laugh.

“Maybe I’m talking about more than a horse,” he said quietly.

I turned and looked at him in surprise. He had stopped just inches behind me.

Our eyes met.

Before I could process what was happening, his head lowered and his lips brushed mine.

It was like my first kiss all over again…

Except much, much better.

Chapter Thirty– February 14 – Kevin

“I’m in trouble.”

“What do you mean you’re in trouble? And anyhow, whatever happened to hello?”

I sighed.

“Brian, c’mon.”

“No, I’m waiting.”

I rolled my eyes.

“Hello.”

“That’s better. Now, what do you mean you’re in trouble?”

The microwave timer went off. I pulled out a bag of microwave popcorn and pulled it open slowly. It wasn’t the best breakfast in the world, but it made me happy. If Nick could see me now, I could just hear him complaining about all the times I lectured him on good nutrition.

“I’m in love.”

I poured the buttery popcorn in a bowl; the other end of the line was silent.

“Brian?”

“I’m sorry. I thought I heard you just tell me you were in love.”

“That’s right.”

“When did this happen?”

I chewed on a kernel of popcorn thoughtfully.

“I don’t know. Probably about six weeks ago. No, probably longer. No…I don’t know.”

“Are we talking about love as in ‘I’m in love with a human being?’” Brian asked.

I sighed. “Never mind. This conversation is over.”

I hung up on him and made my way into the living room feeling like a stupid thirteen year old girl. I had just turned on the television to the morning news when the phone rang again.

It was Brian.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I’ll listen. I promise. Now who is she?”

I closed my eyes and sighed.

“Her name’s Addy…”

I launched into an extremely abbreviated story. I completely skipped over her past with Toby and the little fact that he had shot me.

“So you met this girl in the middle of nowhere?” Brian asked incredulously.

“Pretty much.”

“Is she pretty?”

“Extremely.”

I heard what I thought sounded like a garage door opening.

“Where are you?”

“I just got back from the Chinese place. Leighanne has daily cravings for General Tsao’s chicken. You know how hard it is to find Chinese at nine o’clock in the morning?”

I laughed. “Lucky you.”’

“Yeah you’re telling me. Soooo,” he said in a sing-song voice. “How far have you gone?”

“What?”

“Oh c’mon. You’ve played baseball. What base are you on?”

I rolled my eyes. “Brian, how old are you?”

He laughed. “Listen, I’ve got to live vicariously through you. I used to rely on Nick but now that he’s a one-woman man there’s only so much I want to hear about him and Liv.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“I go to confession. I’m good. Now about this girl…”

“First base.”

Brian snorted. “Oh man, what are you in seventh grade?”

“I’m telling your mom,” I said. He laughed.

“Well, if you love her, what are you waiting for?”

I knew I didn’t want to go into that. There was a different reason I had spilled my guts as much as I had.

“Do you think it’s bad that I feel like this? I mean, I just got divorced two weeks ago.”

“Kev, you’ve always been the type where it’s all or nothing. You either love completely or not at all.” There was no teasing in his voice; he was dead serious.

“I know, but…”

“But what?”

“I think I should feel guilty.”

“You think you should feel guilty? Well, do you?”

“No.”

“Good. As of two weeks ago, you’re a single man. Now go move to a different base before you strike out. And remember, you didn't hear this from me. I have an angelic reputation to uphold.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “Thanks Dr. Phil.”

“Anytime.”

I hung up feeling slightly better. Even though all we had done for the past six weeks was kiss, it was the best six weeks of kissing I could remember. I had taken her to her meetings and they seemed to be helping. Even when she was hesitant she didn’t go back into an impenetrable shell. Many days had been spent in the freezing cold barn on the haystacks, kissing until our lips were raw. In the past few weeks I had wanted to push things a little farther, but each time I refrained.

That brought us up to today: Valentine’s Day. I had been playing Aladdin at Disney World the last time I was single on February 14th.

And let me tell you, that was a long time ago.

At least I wasn’t going into the day without a plan. Sure, I was lounging around in Wildcats pajama bottoms with buttery popcorn for breakfast.

But really, I did have a plan. And if my plan worked out, I just might get to second base.

I really hoped so.

--------------------------------------

I arrived at Dr. Selinski’s office at two o’clock. Tina Wilcox and her two girls were waiting in the office. Her eyes lit up when she saw me.

“Well if it isn’t Kevin,” she said. I saw her glance over at Addy. We had done damage control on the whole ‘marriage’ thing. Tina had seemed a little too happy that Addy and I weren’t ‘hitched.’ I’m not sure Mr. Wilcox felt the same way.

“Hello Tina,” I said with a quick smile. My eyes went right to Addy.

“Hey, what are you doing here?” she said softly.

From behind my back I produced a large bouquet of red roses.

“I just wanted to drop these off.”

Her eyes widened. She took them from me and buried her nose in the velvet petals.

“Oh, they’re beautiful,” she said.

“Where’d you get roses like those?” Tina asked. I propped my elbows on the counter and leaned towards Addy. I loved the way she blushed when she got flustered.

“A true gentlemen never reveals his sources,” I said. “Now, did you read that card?”

“There’s a card?”

Addy rooted into the bouquet and took out a small white card. I saw her eyes go from left to right as she read my handwriting.

“Really?” she said meeting my eyes. I nodded.

“Of course. I mean, if it’s okay with you.”

“I’d love to.”

“What? What?”

Addy and I both looked over at Tina. She was perched on the edge of her seat. Her daughters could be strangling one another and she would be oblivious.

Before I could tell her to mind her own business, Dr. Selinski walked out with his last patient and smiled at Tina.

“Tina, I’ll take the girls now.”

She stood up reluctantly. With a toss of her perfectly hair sprayed bouffant, she smiled over at us.

“Have a good evening, you two.”

I stepped aside while Addy settled up with the other patient. After the old man slowly headed out, I leaned over the counter and kissed Addy softly. When I pulled away, I noticed a sparkle in her eyes.

“So tonight at 7?” she asked. I nodded.

“I’ll pick you up.”

“I’ll be waiting.”

I left the office with a little bounce in my step.

This dating thing wasn’t working out too bad after all.

Chapter Thirty One - Addy

It was six forty-five. I had never done the whole ‘vanity’ thing, but yet I had the contents of my entire closet dumped at my feet. Nothing I had seemed right. I sat down amongst my pile of clothes and sighed.

That’s when I spotted it: the little white dress. It wasn’t the fanciest thing in the world, but it made me feel comfortable and pretty.

And I already knew Kevin liked it.

I grabbed it and doing a quick smoothing out of the wrinkles, I slipped it over my head. I paired it with a little red shrug and I was ready to go just as the doorbell rang. Dad was working late at the office. I crossed the living room and opened the front door.

Kevin was dressed in black pants, a red dress shirt and a black tie. He smiled the moment he saw me.

“That’s the dress,” he said. I smiled, self consciously smoothing out another wrinkle.

“You look great,” he added.

“Thank you.”

We walked out in the chilly February air. Kevin opened the car door for me and I slid inside, taking a deep breath.

“So,” Kevin said after he closed the door. His fingers wrapped around the top of the steering wheel. “I’m going to go out on a limb and assume you like steak.”

I laughed. “I’m a country girl. That’s a silly question.”

“Well there’s this great steak house in Georgetown…”

“Sounds good to me.”

Georgetown was closer to Sadieville then Lexington and also not quite so daunting. It was your middle-of-the road city, with just over twenty thousand people. Part of the city’s charm was their downtown area which was proudly kept in such a way that you felt like you stepped back in time.

It was in the downtown area that the steak house sat nestled next to a drug store and a printing shop. Kevin ran around and opened the door for me. I had never had someone open so many doors for me in all my life.

It was a nice feeling.

“This is cute,” I said, looking around. It had been years since I had seen downtown Georgetown.

“You’re cute.”

I looked up at him to see his teasing eyes, but instead Kevin leaned down and kissed me softly. We had shared many kisses in the last six weeks, but each one seemed like the first time all over again. I let out a soft sigh as he pulled away.

We headed into the restaurant. It was packed with tons of couples out for a romantic Valentine’s dinner. Kevin led me up to the maître d.

“Happy Valentine’s Day. Name?”

“Richardson.”

“Party of two?”

I didn’t think there was anything but parties of two there that evening. Kevin just smiled.

“Yes.”

We were led to an intimate table in the corner of the room and handed a fancy menu gilded in gold. When the maitre d walked away, Kevin reached over and took my hand as we studied the menus.

My eyes strayed from the menu and I looked around at all the other couples. I never thought I’d be a part of the ‘couple’ league again. That possibility had seemed so far removed even a couple months ago. Yet, here I was sitting across from a drop dead gorgeous man who also had a good heart.

“What looks good to you?” he asked softly after a few minutes. We lowered our menus at the same time; our eyes met.

I had always thought that the phrase ‘sexual tension’ was a stupid term thought up by women who wrote Harlequin books and ate bon-bons all day with a million cats roaming around at their feet. But at the moment I completely understood what that meant.

“The t-bone,” I managed to say. Kevin looked confused for a moment; I think he forgot that he had just asked me a question.

“I was thinking the same thing,” he finally said, glancing back down at the menu.

My heart beat rapidly; I took a sip of water. When the waiter came, Kevin and I both ordered the same exact thing.

“Would you like some wine with your meal?”

“No thank you,” Kevin declined politely. “I’ll take some sweet tea.”

The waiter looked at me.

“The same,” I said.

After he walked away, I glanced down at the table. Kevin was still holding my hand. I studied the dancing flame of the candle that sat in the middle of a rose centerpiece.

“Addy?”

I looked up slowly. I was surprised to see a hint of nervousness on Kevin’s face. I felt my palm grow sweaty. Getting sweaty holding hands was so seventh grade.

“I…” Kevin cleared his throat. “I was wondering if after dinner you might feel comfortable accompanying me back to my house.”

I blinked in surprise. I had been to his house dozens of times. I didn’t understand why he looked so nervous…

And then it hit me. I couldn’t help it; I felt myself blush.

“Back to your place?” I said, putting that extra innuendo in there. He nodded.

I took a moment to have a conversation with my inner self. The girl who was entranced by the man sitting across from me was excitedly jumping up and down. The girl who was still going to therapy and learning to face her demons was a little more cautious.

I think I took a little too long to decide. Kevin’s face softened in understanding.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Why not?”

He opened his mouth to speak, but didn’t seem to have a reason. I smiled.

“I’d love to go back to your place.”

They were the magic words; his face relaxed into a full on grin and his fingers squeezed my wrist warmly.

As our glasses were filled and our food arrived, we lapsed into comfortable conversation mixed with light-hearted flirting. Occasionally our legs touched, fingers brushed, and as the evening got later, we exchanged soft kisses across the table.

Finally the waiter brought the check and our meal was done. Kevin and I walked back out to the car. My heart began to pound. I prayed that I still remembered how to love…

And be loved.

Chapter Thirty Two – Kevin

As we headed up the front porch steps to the house, I felt myself break out in a sweat on the back of my neck. I felt foolish. Here I was, thirty nine years old and I felt like it was my first time all over again.

Of course, I didn’t have an expanse repertoire of women in my history anyhow. Two or three past girlfriends and Kristin made up my entire love life. For the past twenty years it had just been Kristin.

Our footsteps sounded louder in the hall as we entered in tandem. Taking a deep breath I walked into the living room and clicked on a light sitting on the end table. It flickered momentarily and then bathed the room in soft light. The corners of the room were still shrouded in shadows.

I tried to make myself feel better by thinking to myself that if I was nervous, it was probably nothing like Addy was feeling. I turned and met her gaze. She had worn that white dress that she had been wearing the day we raced the horses around the barn. I couldn’t help but wonder if she was wearing the lacy underwear that matched.

For a moment I thought about saying something, but it felt silly to need an introduction. Instead, I wrapped one arm around her waist, pulling her towards me. She came to me without hesitation. My head dipped until my lips fell upon hers.

It sounds weird, especially for a guy to say, but her kisses felt different. Not in a bad way; they seemed like the kisses of an old kindred soul. There was a taste of honey and of fresh grass and summer and all of the things that I loved so much.

Addy’s arms wrapped around my neck; I felt her fingertips brush the hair on the back of my neck. I had been planning to get my hair cut for weeks; now I was glad that I hadn’t. Her fingers elicited a response through my entire body that had been dormant for a long time. I moaned and tugged gently on her hair. In response her head tipped back; it was the perfect angle for my tongue to probe her sweet mouth.

The temperature in the room seemed to go up about ten degrees in the matter of seconds. Without conscious thought, my hands slipped beneath her red sweater, pulling it down to expose strong bare shoulders. Her arms dropped from my neck just long enough to let the sweater slide to the floor.

We stood in our embrace for several more minutes. She hadn’t turned away from me once; there was a certain mutual trust between us that seemed to make our relationship a lot less complicated. Mustering up my courage, I broke the kiss and scooped her up in my arms. I heard two soft thumps as her shoes hit the ground.

Our eyes met in a silent exchange. There was a slight flicker of fear, but it left as fast as it came. As in quiet assent, her hand stroked my face.

I walked up the stairs, liking the feel of sweeping my woman off her feet and up the stairs. I turned to the right and entered my bedroom; I had thought about it only as a place to sleep. Tonight it took on a whole different meaning.

With the tender care of putting a sleeping child to bed, I set Addy down. I laughed huskily as she bounced slightly on the big mattress. The laugh was quickly stifled as she grabbed my tie and pulled me close. My hands landed on either side of her slender frame. I felt a bare leg press against my side; my hormones went into overdrive.

“Addy,” I whispered. I didn’t want to break the moment, but I felt I needed to say something. “If you want to stop all you have to do is say the word.”

She studied my face; her own was bathed in a beautiful glowing blush. Her hands fell onto my shoulders. I had never seen such strong, sure eyes.

“I’m ready,” she whispered.

There was no turning back. With the tender care that only two people who had experienced deep hurt could show, we fell in a tangle of bare skin to bare skin. Years of hauling hay, mucking barns, and riding had left her body toned, yet feminine. My hands slid over her hips and up to the bare expanse of stomach. Her hands played with the deep muscular curve of my shoulders before cascading down my back.

My head lowered to caress her breasts; her eyes fluttered shut and I was momentarily mesmerized by the slight opening of her mouth. Even the breath she took was sexy. I felt like I was quickly headed towards the end of the trip and we had yet to begin. I didn’t want to rush any moment; but I knew I couldn’t hold on much longer.

She seemed to instinctively sense my need. Her long legs wrapped around my waist. My hand ran momentarily along her smooth muscular leg, lifting her gently. In a collective moan I entered her slowly.

It was as if the dream I had experienced back in the cabin had been a metaphor. I had been lost in a forest and she was my compass guiding the way. It had been so long since I had experienced sex in this pure form. For so long it had been just a routine act; now it once again had purpose.

I had expected a certain rigidity in Addy; after all the memories that haunted her could not be easily erased. Instead I met a warm, responsive partner in all sense of the words. Her strokes and caresses, her soft moans all led up to one of the most explosive endings I had ever had with another person.

As we lay there, her cradled in my arms, I felt a rush of male pride and protectiveness. I inhaled the scent of her hair, kissing the top of her head softly. Her fingers made slow circles on my abdomen. After a little while I let my head sink into the pillow. Her head slowly tilted to look at me. I was worried about seeing tears in her eyes or a flash of regret.

Instead I received a smile.

In that millisecond I realized that my declaration of love that I had admitted to that morning was an understatement. Deep in the pit of my stomach I had the sudden realization that I was looking at a woman that I could very well start a new life with. Mason loved her and I loved her.

“Stay the night,” I whispered, losing myself in those amber eyes.

“We’ll become the talk of the town,” she whispered. Her eyelashes fluttered irresistibly.

“Let them talk,” I said. She smiled and pressed herself against me; I felt myself aroused once again.

“I’ll stay,” she said as I pulled her onto me. Her hair slid down around her shoulders, she lowered herself until our lips met once more.

One thing I knew for certain was that we weren’t going to be doing a lot of sleeping.

And that was alright with me.

Chapter Thirty Three - Addy

The next morning I awoke to the feeling of warm winter sunlight caressing my bare shoulder. For a moment I was disoriented. Then I remembered.

As if I could forget.

My head sank back into the pillow and I slowly looked over at Kevin. His arm was draped across my waist, his hair was completely mussed, and his eyes were wide open.

“Good morning,” he whispered.

I had worried for a brief moment that things might be awkward once the morning came. I smiled and cuddled closer to him. He kissed my forehead, trailing kisses down my face until his lips fell onto mine.

Things were the opposite of awkward. My fingertips brushed his face and I felt the familiar feeling from the night before of being punch drunk in love. He rolled over on me and I closed my eyes and let myself go.

An hour later I glanced at the clock with a sigh. In truth, I would have preferred to never leave the bed. I didn’t want to face the outside world, but I knew I had to.

I rolled out of bed and began to collect my clothes. Kevin stood up and stretched. I stole a glance at him. I had never thought that anyone so physically attractive could be so caring. He was the total package.

“I’ll drive you home,” he offered. He grabbed a flannel shirt and a pair of jeans.

“You sure? Daddy might be waiting with a shotgun,” I teased. Kevin smiled.

“I’m going to have to see him sooner or later.”

We rode in comfortable silence back to the house. He pulled up by the barn and I got out and stretched. Even the air smelled cleaner.

I headed into the house through the back door, Kevin right at my heels. I had hoped that dad might have already left for the office; he hadn’t. He looked up from his bowl of cereal.

“Good morning,” he said as Kevin closed the door behind him.

“Morning daddy,” I said. I walked over and brushed a kiss on his whiskery cheek.

If he looked like Santa before, he certainly didn’t know. He smiled at me and patted my hand.

“Honey, why don’t you go to your room for a minute? I want to have a little talk with Kevin.”

I raised an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“It’s okay, Addy,” Kevin said softly.

Feeling like a teen whose date was going to be torn a new one I walked into my room and sat on the edge of the bed. The room hadn’t changed much over the years. Gone were the pictures of My Little Pony, replaced with pictures of my own horses in competition. Jacks and jump ropes were boxed up in the back of my closet to be replaced by barn boots and one trusty pair of lip gloss.

At that moment I couldn’t help but take stock of my life. I was a thirty two year old college dropout whose never traveled out of the great state of Kentucky. I lived for my horses and I didn’t really have a job unless you counted keeping my dad’s life organized.

What I had thought sounded safe now just sounded really pathetic.

I thought of Kevin. He had been around the world; he had done things people could only dream of doing. He had taken chances in life and been rewarded with a great son.

Sigh.

I sat on my bed approximately ten minutes before I got antsy. Opening my door just enough to avoid the telltale creak, I slid out and crept back towards the kitchen. The voices coming from the room were soft; I strained to listen.

“I just don’t…hurt,” I heard dad say. I leaned a little closer to the doorway.

“I don’t…hurt…see…going,” Kevin said. I frowned. That was harder to decipher.

“Going…relationship…future,” dad said. I stifled a sigh. It was like a bad game of charades.

“We’ll…go…love…married,” Kevin said.

My eyes widened. Married? Married? Was he talking about before? Or…or…

I realized that both men had quieted. I tucked tail and ran back to my room. I stared at my reflection in the mirror.

The last time I had thought of marriage was when my mom was still around. She loved for me to play “bride” and march up and down in some of her fancy dresses that she used to wear in theatrical performances. I still remember the feel of the itchy lace on my arms and the high heels that were five sizes too big. She used to paint my lips in red lipstick and tell me to pucker and blot.

“You’re going to make a beautiful bride someday,” she would tell me. “You’re going to meet a gorgeous guy who’ll sweep you off your feet. Remember, the best ones are tall, dark, and handsome.”

“Like daddy?” I asked one time. I still remember the look on her face. The happiness slid off her face.

“Daddy’s a good man,” she said simply. She rubbed her thumb across my cheek hard; I had put on too much blush.

From my memories, I heard footsteps come towards my room. A second later, Kevin peeked around the doorway.

He had never seen my room before. I saw his eyes quickly gaze from one corner to another. He smiled.

“I’m going to take off now. How about I meet you at the field tomorrow morning?”

I smiled. “Sounds good. You riding Fiona?”

Fiona was the horse that we had picked out for Kevin during our trip to Lexington. She was a sweet, gentle horse that Mason could grow up to ride. He nodded.

“I better break her in around the big guys,” he said. I laughed.

“Alright I’ll see you tomorrow.”

He closed the distance between us in a matter of seconds. I didn’t even have time to stand up before his face lowered to mine. His kiss was soft, sweet, and absolutely perfect.

“Have a good day,” he whispered, brushing his thumb along my jawbone.

And like that he was gone.

I fell back on my bed, feeling a little bit like Marcia Brady. Marcia Brady had Davy Jones; I had Kevin Richardson.

Somehow I thought I was one up on Marcia.

As I lay staring at the ceiling, I heard a knock on my door. I saw dad standing in the doorway, looking at me in his calm bedside manner.

“He really likes you,” my dad said simply. I knew who he meant.

“I know,” I said quietly.

“And you?”

I looked away, staring back at the ceiling. I took a deep breath.

“I feel the same way.”

“I just don’t want you hurt. I made the mistake of staying out of things the last time and…” he trailed off.

“I’m older, wiser, and stronger,” I said, sitting up. “This time’s totally different. Trust me dad.”

He smiled. “I trust you.”

“He took a bullet for me,” I reminded him. He
shook his head.

“Honey, right now you could light that boy on fire and he wouldn’t feel it. Just don’t rush into things.”

His eyes grew far away.

“Sometimes thinking only with your heart is the fastest way to getting it broken.”

Chapter Thirty Four – March 1 – Kevin

“Daddy they itch.”

“I know buddy, but you can’t scratch them. Listen to mommy.”

“I miss you.”

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. “I miss you too.”

I talked to Mason a few more minutes, then Kristin came on the line.

“How’s his temperature?”

“It’s going down.”

Mason had chicken pox and I was clear across the country. I felt helpless.

“Do you need me to come out there?” I asked for the third time. Kristin sighed.

“I’ve got it. It’s fine.”

“Well, let me know if he needs anything.”

“I will. Kevin?”

I noticed a change of tone in her voice.

“Yeah?”

“I want to let you know before you find out from someone else. I’m getting married.”

The news should have hurt, but it didn’t.

“To Greg?”

“How do you know about Greg?”

“Mason.”

“Oh.”

The line filled with silence on both ends. Kristin cleared her throat.

“Well, I just…wanted to let you know.”

“Thank you. Congratulations.” It was neither a depressed “Congratulations” nor an ecstatic “Congratulations.” It was just a perfunctory word.

“Thanks. How’s Addy?”

“She’s fine.”

“Mason really likes her.”

I smiled. “I know.”

I couldn’t tell her the same about Greg even though I knew she was waiting for it. She sighed again.

“Well, I’ll talk to you later.”

“Okay. I’ll call again in a day or so and check up on Mason.”

“Okay. Good-bye Kevin.”

“Good-bye Kristin.”

I hung up and stared thoughtfully out the window. After a few minutes I felt slender arms wrap around my neck from behind.

“Mason okay?” Addy said, leaning down. I inhaled deeply. She smelled so good.

“He’s itchy, but he’s doing better,” I said, looking up. She was looking down with a soft smile spread across her lips.

“I remember when I had chicken pox,” Addy said. “Dad duct taped oven mitts on my hands because I kept scratching.”

I laughed. “I kept getting thrown into calamine lotion baths.”

Addy pointed to a little indent in her chin. “This is my battle scar.”

I lifted the sleeve of my t-shirt. “This is mine.”

We laughed. I tugged her down on my lap, her legs kicked up in the air, her head tossed back in a laugh.

I kissed her passionately. I had just had the best two weeks of sex in my entire life. AJ had always been the insatiable one. Now that he was married the tables had turned. Believe it or not, I had taken his place.

At least I was monogamous…but still.

We ended up in my bedroom, tangled up in my sheets. As Addy lay in my arms my thoughts went to Kristin. I heard her tell me once again she was getting married.

I had admitted to Dr. Selinski that I was open to the possibility of getting remarried somewhere down the road. All of a sudden I couldn’t help but think that I was quickly finding myself at a crossroads in my life again.

At least this time I felt like I knew what I was going to do.

“Addy?” I whispered. I felt her smile next to my skin.

“Mmm-hmmm?”

I took a deep breath. “I love you.”

She looked up at me in surprise. It was the first time I had said it. I had wanted to since Valentine's Day, and yet...I hadn't wanted to scare her. Her lips parted slightly; she swallowed hard.

“What?” she said weakly.

I looked at her; I was completely serious. I prayed I wasn't pushing her away by saying it, but I meant it with all my heart.

“I love you.”

For a second, she looked like she was going to cry. She shivered slightly as if the words were absorbing into her skin. I saw her smile again.

“I love you too.”

--------------------------------------------

Later that evening I locked up the house. My mind was trying to organize my thoughts. In less than six months I had to be in Florida to begin recording the new Backstreet Boys album. Mason would have fun tagging along with dad, but what about Addy?

Her walls had begun to crumble, but asking her to leave her dad for an extended length of time was going to be tricky; I just knew it. I sighed heavily.

I just had to believe that everything was going to work out in the end. Addy and I had already had our fair share of hell. It was time for things to go our way.

Chapter Thirty Five – March 15 - Addy

I walked into the house from my morning ride with Kevin, windblown but happy. I hadn’t been spending much time at home. I knew I should have felt guilty, but my head was in the clouds. Kevin loved me and I loved him.

I was surprised to see my dad still sitting at the kitchen table. He sipped a cup of coffee, his hands cradled around the mug. He had a faraway expression in his eyes.

“Morning daddy,” I said, leaning down to kiss his whiskered cheek. He blinked rapidly then smiled up at me.

“Hello, stranger,” he said lightly. I blushed.

“I’m sorry. Have I really been that bad?”

“It’s fine, I’m just teasing you…even though my filing has gotten out of control.”

“I’ll come in and file today. Kevin just left for Lexington.”

“And you didn’t go with him?”

I shook my head. “No, I thought I’d catch up with you.”

His smile widened. “Well thank you for not forgetting me.”

I laughed. “Never.”

Dad dumped his coffee and grabbed his physician’s bag. We walked in companionable silence to his office. He wasn’t kidding when he said the filing was atrocious. As he wandered into the exam room, I picked up file after file. It was going to be an all afternoon project.

Throughout the morning, patients filed in and out. For each record I put away, another one was pulled out. It was nice to be needed, but it still amazed me at how disorganized my dad was.

It was about lunchtime when the bell over the door chimed. I looked up to see a woman I didn’t recognize. She looked to be in her late 20’s and definitely not from around the area. She was dressed in a trendy jacket, skirt, and heels. Her light brown hair was cut stylishly around her face.

“Hello,” I said, hiding the sandwich I had bought at the drugstore below the counter. “What can I do for you?”

Her eyes looked around the small room and then fixed on me.

They were a gorgeous, yet familiar shade of amber. She walked calmly up to me; I felt for a brief moment like someone on display. She held out a well manicured hand.

“I’m Tracy Roberts.”

Her voice held an element of ill-suppressed excitement. I shook her hand, trying not to look too confused.

“I’m Addy Selinski. What can I do for you?”

“I’m your half sister,” she blurted out.

I laughed in disbelief. “I’m sorry,” I said kindly. “But I think there’s been some mistake.”

She smiled and shook her head. “Oh, no. It can’t be. You have my dad’s amber eyes.”

Now I really looked at her like she was insane. “My dad is in the office,” I said pointing at the closed door.

The girl stubbornly shook her head. “You’re mother’s name was Paula, right?”

“Yes,” I said slowly.

“My dad was in her same theater group. They broke up before you were born, but he said she sent him pictures occasionally.”

She dug through her purse and handed over a small creased photograph. I took it, my mind whirling in confusion. I looked down.

There I was, in all my five year old glory playing bride. I held a bouquet of wilting flowers and was smiling ear to ear.

“Where did you get this?” I demanded. I knew I was practically shouting.

“My dad gave it to me,” she said softly. “He died of cancer about a month ago. He told me his biggest regret was leaving your mom unmarried and pregnant.”

Dad walked out of his office at that moment.

“Ready for lunch?” he asked with a smile.

He took one look at my face and his smile disappeared. He looked at Tracy and then back to me. His gaze fell to the photograph in my hand.

“What’s going on here?” he asked quietly.

“Dr. Selinski?” Tracy said, holding out her hand. “I’m Tracy Roberts. Frank Roberts was my father.”

I had never seen my father look like he was going to faint, but his face grew so pale that I couldn’t help but wonder if he was going to pass out. He glanced back at me again; I saw what I thought was fear in his eyes.

“Frank Roberts?” dad repeated quietly. Tracy nodded and looked back at me.

“Before he died he told me I had a half sister. I wanted to meet her.”

“Dad?” I asked, my voice quivering. He ran a hand over his face.

“I think we need to sit down and have a talk.”

--------------------------------------

An hour later I sat in the diner with dad and Tracy. Dad confirmed Tracy’s story. My mom had gotten kicked out of the theatre group and Frank Roberts, her boyfriend, had gone on with the group leaving her pregnant and stranded in Kentucky.

That’s where my dad had come in. He had been a med student and had seen her performance in Annie Get Your Gun no less than seventeen times. He had waited for her outside the theatre; he had brought her flowers. He had been fixated on a starlet who wouldn’t give him the time of day.

Until she was left without nothing.

Dad had married her without question. When I was born I was his daughter from the very second he stared down at my tiny face. Dad had given mom a roof over her head, a name, and a way to take care of her daughter.

In return she took off in the middle of the afternoon and never returned.

Both of my biological parents had abandoned me.

Talk about a blow to the heart.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” I choked out. Dad sighed and hung his head.

“Denial is my greatest fault,” he said. “I didn’t want to think of the truth. I created my own truth. I….I didn’t want you to love me any less.”

I shook my head. “I could never love you any less. Look at all you’ve done for me.”

I put my hand over his. I looked back over at Tracy.

“You said Frank died?” I asked. I couldn’t call him my dad. It took a lot more than DNA to make someone a father.

Tracy nodded. “He did. He told my mother and I about you on his death bed. He’s held that guilt all these years.”

I closed my eyes. “Did he say anything about my mother? Does he know where she is?”

Tracy shook her head. “He told us that the last time he heard from her was almost twenty five years ago. She wrote him and told him she was going to make it big in Hollywood.”

I glanced at dad. Twenty five years ago was when she left. She had gone out West. Who knew if she was alive or dead?

I studied Tracy’s face. Many of her facial features were identical to mine, but she had a certain hoity air that I could never compete with.

“I’m sorry about this,” Tracy said. “I was just curious as to what you looked like. What you were doing.” She looked around the café in mild distaste. Even though my back was to the diner door, I heard the door open. Her eyes widened in surprise; I could see a spark of interest light up the amber depths. I turned around to confirm my suspicion.

Yup. It was Kevin.

“I don’t believe it. That’s Kevin Richardson,” Tracy said. “My god, he’s gorgeous. What’s he doing in the middle of nowhere?”

Kevin caught my eye. I watched calmly as he walked over, all the while my blood boiled angrily in my ears. Sadieville wasn’t much, but it was home. He stopped by my chair and leaned down and kissed me softly. When he pulled away, I turned around to see Tracy looking at me in surprise. Suddenly I looked a lot more interesting to her.

“Who’s this?” Kevin asked, pulling up a chair. I glanced at my dad. He was staring forlornly at his coffee cup. Tracy held out a hand and leaned over, her cleavage spilled over her top.

“Tracy Roberts. I’m Addy’s half-sister.”

Kevin shook her hand, but I felt his gaze on me.

“Half-sister?” he asked.

“It’s a long story,” I said.

“I have time.”

I took a deep breath and filled him in. Tracy was staring at him with wide, fixated eyes. Half-sister or not, I couldn’t wait to say a hasty good-bye. When the time finally came I watched her get into her sleek black town car and take off. She had given me her email address and made me promise to write. She wanted to get to know me better.

I think she really just wanted to get to know Kevin better. I felt his arm go around my waist.

“You’re much prettier,” he whispered into my ear. I smiled.

He squeezed me lovingly and kissed my cheek.

“I’m going to let you and your dad talk. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I watched him walk down the street and then turned to dad. When I looped my arm through his he looked at me in surprise.

“No matter what, you’re my dad,” I said. I kissed his cheek. A tear rolled down his face.

“No more secrets Addy, I promise,” he said softly. I hugged him tightly.

“No more secrets,” I agreed.

I couldn’t imagine any secret that would top the one I had learned today. It said a lot about my emotional stability that I hadn’t fallen apart. Maybe I had secretly known all along.

As we walked back to the office I rationalized that even though my biological father was dead, the two most important men in my life were very much alive.

And that made me feel complete.

Epilogue - June 28 - Kevin

“Mason what else do you want to bring?” I asked calmly.

Mason sat in the middle of his bedroom, surveying his toys. He looked at me with his sweet innocent eyes and began to point. He watched as I packed all of his favorite things into his suitcase.

“Where we gooooin?” he asked for the hundredth time.

“We’re going to Florida. Daddy’s friend is getting married,” I explained with a smile.

“Is Addy coming?” Mason asked. Again.

“Yes, Addy’s coming,” I repeated.

“What about Santa?”

I shook my head.

“No, Santa’s going to stay here and make sure all of the horses get fed.”

“Can’t we take the horses?”

I smiled. “Nope, they have to stay here.”

I finished packing his toys and zipped up the duffel bag. Mason ran over and sat on my lap.

“Hey, speaking of Santa, you want to go for a visit?”

He looked up at me. His face was still red from the cherry Popsicle he had just eaten.

“Yup!” he said happily.

I loaded Mason in the car and took the short drive to the Selinski’s.

“Hey daddy?” Mason said from the backseat.

“What’s up buddy?”

“It’s almost my bird-day.”

I smiled. How could I forget? It was just hard to believe he was going to be four years old.

“I know that buddy.”

“Do I still get my bird-day in Florida?” Mason asked.

“Of course you do,” I said.

We had a busy itinerary ahead. Our flight left late the next day for Tampa. I figured we’d stay at the hotel, have dinner, and let Mason swim in the pool. The next day I was introducing Addy to Brian and Leighanne. The day after that was Nick’s bachelor party. July 2 was Nick and Olivia’s wedding.

On July 3, Mason’s birthday, I had plans to surprise Addy and Mason with a trip to Disney World. We’d head back to Tampa on July 4 for the fireworks display.

And that’s where I was proposing to Addy.

My palms began to sweat nervously just thinking about it. I had the ring packed safely in my suitcase and I had the whole scenario planned out in my head.

In the course of ten months, I have gone from a married father to a single father. I had lost the right to wake up every morning and see my son. I had met a girl I didn’t think I could stand and fallen in love with her. We had helped each other get through some of the most horrible times in our lives.

Now it was our turn to find happiness. As nervous as I was, I knew in my heart that she’d say yes. She had already agreed to go to Florida for the wedding. She was excited about getting an apartment with me when I recorded the next Backstreet album. She had even been asking questions about what it was like to be on tour.

As we pulled up to the house, I glanced in the rearview mirror at Mason. He was already pointing towards the barn. Abby was cleaning out stalls, her whole body strong and muscular. I laughed.

Blessings came in all different shapes and sizes, from tiny little Mason to beautiful Addy.

I knew that Addy’s heart would always be in Sadieville. In a way, so would mine. This was the place that allowed my heart to start beating again and my wounds to heal.

Some called it nowhere, but I knew different.

It would be the place that Addy and I married; it would be where I would raise Mason. And no matter where we went I would carry it in my heart.

Forever.