“And they lived happily ever after.” If only those words were true. I closed the book, kissed my sleeping daughter goodnight and walked out of the room. I walked down the hall and went in the next room.

“Hey mom. When is dad coming back from Uncle Bri’s?” My seven year old son looked at me with his big blue eyes. He looked just like his dad.

“I’m not sure, sweetie. Your dad is busy working on some music.” It broke my heart to lie to my son. I couldn’t fathom him knowing the truth. His dad didn‘t want to be married to his mom. I took his book and placed it on the nightstand. I kissed him on the cheek and started walking out.

“Goodnight mom. I love you.” He yawned.

“Love you, too. Get some rest, Jackson.”

I leaned against the hallway wall. Tears sprung from my eyes. It hurt knowing your husband didn’t love you anymore. It hurt knowing your husband was in another state because he could not stand to be around you. When did it all change for him? I’m not really sure. Unfortunately, I loved my husband more today than I did when I first met him. My love grew stronger for him each passing day. I loved watching him with the kids. He was such a great dad. He spent time with Rachel and Jackson; taking them to the beach, play tag, and helping with homework. Those are the things that made me love him more. It didn’t matter that he was an international singing sensation. I loved him when he was dirty from playing outside with the kids.

The ringing of the phone pushed me out of my thoughts. I looked at the caller id. It was my brother. “Hello, Kev.”

“Hey sis. I got an interesting phone call today from our cousin.” I rolled my eyes, knowing that this was going to be a long conversation.

“Really Kevin? What did Brian have to tell you?” I sat on the couch preparing myself, knowing this would be about Nick.

“He mentioned that Nick was staying with him, but he kicked him out today.”

“What?  Nick is supposed to be staying with him. They are working on some songs.”

“Apparently Nick isn’t behaving like a good husband.” I could only imagine what Nick was doing. It had to be bad, if Brian kicked him out and I was getting a call from my brother.

“We’re separated and he wants a divorce.” I whispered. It was embarrassing to have to tell my brother this. He had the perfect marriage and family.

“What did the little asshole do?” Kevin was upset.

“He didn’t do anything…except fall out of love with me.”

“What an ass! Wait until I get my hands on him.” He barked into the phone.

“Kevin, you will leave him alone. This is my problem to work on. I know you’re concerned, but I don’t need you butting in my marriage. Look it’s getting late. I got work in the morning. Bye.” I hung up the phone before he could respond. I didn’t want to talk about it, especially with my brother.

I sat on the bed, remembering all the times I made love with my husband. The tears continued to run down my face. I was lost without him. I was incomplete. I was broken. He didn’t even care about my feelings. He was done with this marriage and I didn’t even have a choice in the matter. What ever Nick wanted, Nick got. He was so persistent and charming, he could sale you swamp land in Antarctica.

When he told me he wanted a divorce, I thought he was joking and I laughed in his face. He didn’t laugh with me. I asked if there was another woman. His answer was no. He just fell out of love with me. I never thought that would be the reason my marriage ended. Then he went to Atlanta to work on his music with his best friend and my cousin Brian. He needed to get away from me.

Running late on Mondays was the norm at my house. Rachel was busy looking for her favorite pair of shoes. Jackson was playing with the cat instead of getting his backpack. I was rushing around looking for my keys.

“Mommy, I can’t find my shoes!” Rachel screamed through the house. My goodness that girl had a set of pipes.

“Check your closet.” I yelled up the stairs. I searched the kitchen for my keys and found them by the toaster.

“Let’s go. We’re going to be late.”

Jackson and Rachel came running into the foyer. I hustled them out the door, when my cell phone rang. I didn’t have time to talk; we were already ten minutes late. I looked at my phone and saw Nick’s number.

“Yeah.”

“Did I call at a bad time?” He seemed annoyed at me already. He knew Monday mornings were hectic.

“Perfect timing.” I replied sarcastically. I motioned the kids to get into the car. I made sure Rachel was buckled in to her booster seat.

“Sorry…I forgot its Monday. I just wanted to let you know that I’m not at Brian’s. I’m staying at the Sheraton.”

“So I heard.” I pulled out of the driveway, not really paying attention to Nick.”

“Shit…news sure travels fast. Anyways, I just wanted you to hear it from me.” He sounded pissed.

“Nick, I don’t have time for this conversation at the moment. We are late for school and work. Can we talk about this tonight?’

“Sure, tell the kids I love them. Bye.” He hung up on me. I knew he was mad. I wasn’t able to stop and give all my attention to him.

A few minutes later, I pulled into the parking lot of the school. Without speeding, I actually made it in time. I rushed the kids into the school. Jackson went to talk to his friends. Rachel followed me into the office.

“Good morning Ashton.”

“Hello, Marla. How was your weekend?’

“I should ask you that. You seem in pretty good spirits, especially after what happened in Atlanta.” She gave me a look of pity.

“What are you talking about?” I was confused, but I assumed it had something to do with my wonderful husband.  “Rachel go stand with your brother.”

Rachel walked into the lobby. I was interested in what Marla had to tell me, but did not want my five year old, hearing bad things about her daddy.

“Well, Nick apparently had a great time at the club. There are photos of him grinding with a group of women at some club. The pictures were very provocative.”

“Oh.” That was about all I could manage to utter. What was Nick thinking? Did he want the whole world knowing he was leaving his wife? What a way to tell the world.

“Are things okay with you and Nick?’ Marla seemed genuinely concerned, even if she was the biggest gossiper on the school staff.

“Well, just like any other couple, we have our issues. It’s between Nick and me. I’m not going to spill the details of my marriage.” I wasn’t about to let her know anything. I already had enough people talking about me because I was married to a celebrity.

I unlocked my room and attempted to prepare for my day. My mind was focused on Nick, as I placed papers on my students’ desks. Before I spent too much time dwelling on my husband, my second graders excitedly entered the room.

~ Later in the evening ~

The kids and I had just finished dinner. As the kids played in the yard, I decided to call Nick.

“Ashton.”

“Hello Nick.” I said quietly.

“So who tattled to you about Brian kicking me out?”

“Does it really matter? I’ve heard enough from other people.  I want to hear it from you.” I sighed. This whole situation frustrated me. I was confused and hurt by Nick’s actions.

“ Well…I went out the other night…to a club…all these um..fans…were there and things kinda got out of control.” Nick was afraid to talk to me. I could tell by the way he couldn’t get his words out.

“I heard about the pictures. Is that why Brian kicked you out?”

“Sort of.”

“What does that mean? Sort of?” I raised my voice slightly. I didn’t want the kids to see me upset, but Nick was irritating me.

“You don’t need to get an attitude with me. One of the girls came home with me, but nothing happened.”

“Did she follow you to Brian’s like a lost puppy or did you invite her over?”  He must have thought the divorce was final and he could have any other woman. We were still married even if we were having problems.

“It was a mistake. I had a little too much to drink. I wasn’t thinking clearly.”

“You haven’t done much thinking lately. I don’t know what I did wrong, but we need to work this out. When are you coming home?” I said sadly.

“Friday morning. We can talk, but things aren’t going to change. I made my decision…I’m going to move into a condo when I get home.” What a way to drop a bomb on me? I couldn’t take anymore. This wasn’t the man I loved, honored, and cherished.

“What about the kids? Think about that. I got to go. Bye.” I shut my phone off. I didn’t want to hear from the world.

Friday couldn’t come soon enough. I had taken a day off from work. I needed to deal with Nick as soon as possible. I heard the front door open. Nick walked into the living room where I was sitting waiting for him.

“Why aren’t you at work?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Can’t you give me time to settle in?” He glared at me. I knew he was upset.

“Well it’s kind of hard to talk when the kids are home. I think we need to have this conversation now.”

“Fine.” He sighed and ran his fingers through his spiky hair. He sat on the chair across from me.

I didn’t know how to start this conversation. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say. I stared at him for a minute before I began to speak. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why don’t you love me anymore?” I sound pathetic. I told myself that I would never be that woman; the one with someone who didn’t love me. I wasn’t the type to beg and plead to keep a man, but this was different. He was my husband.

“I just fell out of love with you. You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s me.” He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

“Nick, cut the bullshit. That isn’t even an answer. How do you just fall out of love with me?”

“I don’t know. I’m not the same person I was when we fell in love. I just need a break.”

“Is there someone else?” I whispered.

“Are you kidding me?” He yelled.

“Nick, stop yelling at me. You keep giving me these vague answers. I don’t know what to think anymore. I am trying to be the woman you fell in love with, but I don’t know what to do anymore.” I stood up and walked into the kitchen. I couldn’t sit in there with him any longer.

I stood at the sink, doing the dishes. Anything to keep myself from crying. A few moments later, Nick walked into the kitchen.

“Why did you walk away?” He started drying the dishes.

“Nick, I love you. I’m confused about us. We need to work this out.”

Nick grabbed the dish cloth out of my hand and brought me near. His lips were on mine before I knew what happened. His kisses trailed from my ear down to my neck. I forgot about anything else. He took my hand and guided me to the bedroom.

~ Later ~

“Ashton, I moving into a condo this weekend.” He kissed my cheek.

“What?” I sat up in bed. Was he joking?

“Ashy, I need time to think about things.”

“Don’t you dare call me Ashy. You’re such a jerk. Fine. Move away from your family. We don’t need you.” I got out of bed and picked up my clothes. I quickly got dressed.

“I just need time. I need to deal with my feelings. I love my kids and will be there for them.”

“You love the kids, but not me. I get it. Please stop throwing it in my face. Rachel and Jackson are going to be devastated. They aren’t going to understand you living somewhere else.”

“I don’t want to leave them, but is it fair to them that I stay here and be miserable?”

“I’m sorry that I make you so miserable. An hour ago you were all over me. How can you make love to me and then tell me you’re leaving your family? I don’t get you.” I walked out of the room. He followed me.

“Would you stop walking away? You know that pisses me off.” He screamed.

“Leave me alone Nick. You better start thinking of what you are going to tell our children about your moving out. I have some things to do. Can you pick the kids up from school? We’ll talk about this later.”

I grabbed my car keys and left the house. I needed to think. My marriage was in shambles. My world was falling apart.

Nick stood in the kitchen. He knew he was a jerk. He couldn’t help how he was feeling. His life was never easy. He glanced at the clock and realized he needed to pick the kids up from school soon. He grabbed his keys and headed out the door. It was going to be a long weekend.

“Daddy….I missed you so much. Today I learned about butterflies.” Rachel ran and jumped into Nick’s arms. Jackson ran up and gave his dad a big hug.

“Hey Rachey and Jacks. I’ve missed you so much.”

They walked out to the car. The kids quickly got in Nick’s BMW. They both started talking over top of each other. Nick smiled at the sound of his kids. He loved them more than life. Nick drove toward the beach. He wanted to spend time with his kids alone before he brought them home.

“Daddy, we’re at the beach.” Rachel exclaimed.

“Yes sweetie…I thought we could play for a while before we go home.” They all got out of the car and found a place to sit in the sand.

“Dad…can we play basketball later tonight?” Jackson asked.

“Of course we can.” Nick watched Rachel play in the sand. She was such a laid-back child, who enjoyed whatever she was doing. Jackson was more intense. He was quiet and a deep thinker. His children brought such joy to his life. Living apart from them was going to be tough, but he felt he had no choice. Things with Ashton were rough at the moment. He cared about his wife, but something was missing in the relationship. He didn’t want to hurt her, but he could not go on living a lie. He had felt this way for a long time.

“Dad...where’s mommy?”

“She had to run some errands. I need to talk to you both about something.” Both kids sat next to their dad. “You know how daddy sometimes goes away on business…and I have to stay in a hotel.”

“Yes daddy. You travel the world and stay in fancy schmancy hotels. The girls love you daddy.” Rachel giggled. Jackson sat quietly listening to his dad.

“Well…daddy is going to be living away from the house for a while.” He explained carefully to his children.

“Why?” Jackson asked his father.

“Mommy and daddy need some time to…umm…umm…its complicated Jacks. It has nothing to do with you. Your mom and I love you and your sister so much.”

“Then why are you leaving us? Why do you have to live somewhere else? Don’t you love us anymore?” Jackson yelled at his father.

“Jacks calm down.  I love you so much. This is between mommy and me. You can call me and visit me anytime you want. I’ll be at all your soccer games.” Nick reached out for his son. Jackson pulled away and ran to the car. Nick quickly picked up his daughter and chased after his son.

“I HATE YOU!!!” Jackson screamed and got in the car. Nick didn’t know what to do. He started the car and drove home in silence.

Jackson ran in the house and slammed the door. I walked into the foyer to see what was wrong. Jackson flew past me and ran up the stairs. Nick and Rachel quietly walked in.

“What’s Jackson upset about?” I questioned Nick. He looked sad.

“I told him that I’m not going to be living here for a while.”

“You did what? Why couldn’t you wait for me, so we could tell the kids together? What were you thinking Nick?” I turned around and marched up the stairs. It was time to do damage control. Jackson was sensitive, and I knew he wouldn’t take it easily.

I knocked on his bedroom door. “Sweetie, can I come in?” He didn’t reply but I could hear him crying. I quietly opened the door and walked into the room.

“I hate daddy.” He sniffled. I sat on the bed next to Jackson and gave him a hug.

“No you don’t, sweetie. You’re just really mad at daddy.”

“He doesn’t love us anymore mommy.” He cried in my arms.

“Jackson, I know you’re upset that daddy is not going to live here for a while. It makes me sad. It has nothing do with you. Daddy loves you so much. He loves Rachey so much. He will never stop loving you. Mommy and daddy will love you no matter what. You know how you sometimes get mad at your sister and you don’t get along.”

“Yes.”

“Well, right now daddy and I aren’t getting along. Sometimes mommies and daddies don’t get along. Daddy and mommy need time to think about getting along better, and your daddy thinks it might be better if he lives in a different house for a while.”

“Mommy, I love you. I’ll take care of you.” My heart broke for my son. I prayed that things would get better.

“I love you, Jackson. Would you like to watch a movie with your sister? I need to have a grown-up talk with daddy.” Jackson smiled and ran downstairs to the living room.

“Nick we need to talk, now. I’ll meet you in the bedroom.” I yelled from upstairs. I took a few minutes to regain my composure.

Nick walked into the master bedroom. He knew he was in deep shit with his wife. He was trying to make things easier, but he only complicated it more. “Ashton, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset Jacks.”

“What were you thinking? I thought we were a team, but I guess that no longer matters.”

“Stop, as long as we have kids, we’ll be a team.”

“Nick are you living in a dream world? I don’t what is wrong with you lately. Are you having a mid-life crisis or something? You’ve changed. I don’t know what I’ve done to make you fall out of love with me and you won’t tell me. I’m completely clueless. When you figure it out let me know. I think you need to leave.” I walked out of the bedroom.

Nick sat on the bed. What was happening to his life? This is not what he had expected of his life. He expected to grow old with Ashton and have lots of grandchildren. His life was falling apart.

The smell of bacon woke me up. I stretched and quickly got out of bed. I hurried downstairs to see who was cooking.

“You are my fire, my one desire.” My daughter sang loudly from the kitchen. I walked in and saw Nick flipping pancakes.

“What are you doing here?”

“Good morning to you, too. I need to pack up some stuff to take to the condo today.”

“Oh.”

“It should only take a couple of hours.” He set the plate of pancakes on the table.

“Fine…I’m going to take the kids out for the day. They don’t need to see you moving out.” I hastily left the kitchen. My head started to pound. I couldn’t take much more of this. Was my life ever going to be normal?

“Good morning mommy.” Jackson said, as he walked down the stairs. “Did you make pancakes?”

“Morning sweetie. Daddy made breakfast. You better go get some before Daddy eats them all.” I tousled his hair. He looked just like Nick.

Jackson slowly walked in to the kitchen. He saw his Dad and sister eating pancakes and laughing.

“Good morning buddy. Have some pancakes.”

“No thank you, dad. I think I will have cereal.” Jackson grabbed the step stool and opened the cupboard. He got out a box of Cheerios and the milk. Then he made his bowl of cereal.

“Jacksy…these pancakes are soooo yummy. You should have some.” Rachel took a big bite of her pancake.

“I don’t want anything to do with daddy.” He brushed his hand through his hair, mimicking what Nick did when he was mad.

Nick sat there not knowing what to do. His son was mad at him. He didn’t want to leave his children. He was going to miss seeing them everyday.

“Daddy may I be excused?” He nodded and wiped the syrup off her face. She jumped down and left the kitchen.

“Jacks, I’m sorry that you’re upset with me.”

“You’re leaving your family. You don’t love us. We don’t need you. Rachel and I have mom to take care of us.” Jackson ran out of the kitchen.

It was going to be a long day in the Carter house.

~ Later that day~

I sat on the park bench watching the kids play. I didn’t want to think about Nick packing his stuff and moving out. I was going to miss seeing him everyday. Maybe I would just pretend he was on tour. My ringing phone pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Hello!”

“Ashton, how are you?”

“I’m doing ok. How are you mom?”

“Fine. I was thinking about coming down to Florida to visit.”

“That would be great mom. When were you thinking of coming?” I loved my mom, but I was less than thrilled with her coming for a visit. I didn’t want her knowing that my marriage was in trouble. I was praying that Nick would come to his senses quickly, and we’d be a happy family before anyone found out.

“In June, after school is out.” Ann Richardson replied. Kevin had filled her in on the situation. She wanted to be there for her daughter. She knew Ashton was going to need support, even if she was too stubborn to let anyone help her.

“That works for me. The kids will be excited.” My phone beeped with another incoming call. “Mom, I have another call. Can I call you later this weekend to make definite plans?”

“Sure, Ashton. Talk to you later. Give the kids a hug for me.”

“Hello.”

“The house is yours. I just left with the last load of stuff.” Nick replied quietly.

“Thanks for letting me know.” I clicked my phone shut. Did he really think I wanted to go back to a lonely house?

“Mommy, I’m hungry. Can we go home?”

“Sure Rachel. Go get your brother.” She ran toward the monkey bars and pulled on her brother’s leg. He jumped down and they both ran to me.

The ride home was quiet. Rachel was half asleep from playing. Jackson stared out the window. He looked so sad, especially knowing that his dad wouldn’t be there when he got back.

I walked into the house. It seemed so huge and empty, even though everything was still there. I put my purse on the kitchen counter and saw a note from Nick.

Ashton,

I am sorry if I have hurt you in any way. It was not my intention. I care about you and don’t want to see you hurting. Though, at the moment I see no other choice, but to separate. I need some time to think about my life and what I want and need. Tell the kids I love them. I will call you at the beginning of the week to discuss spending time with the kids. If you or the kids need me, call my cell. I left the BMW and the Land Rover.

Nick

I crumbled up the note and threw it across the room. It was always about him and never about us. I didn’t need or want him at that moment. All I cared about was my kids. We would manage without him.

Life was slowly getting back to normal in the Carter house. It was just like when Nick was on tour. I was busy taking Jackson to soccer practice and Rachel to ballet. The school year was almost over. I was looking forward to the break. My family was coming to visit and I was excited to see them.

The door bell rang. I wasn’t expecting anyone. I quickly walked to the door. “Hey Alex. Come on in.”

“Ashton, it’s great to see you.” He gave me a bear hug.

“What brings you here? I haven’t seen you in forever.”

“Busy as always. Nick asked me to help with producing a song.” I assumed AJ didn’t know that Nick and I were separated. Nick seemed to forget to tell important details to people. Unfortunately Nick’s studio was in the basement, meaning he would be here soon.

“He isn’t here at the moment. You can chill with me until he gets here.” AJ looked at my strangely but followed me into the living room.

“Jackson, how’s my buddy?”

“Hello Alex. Dad doesn’t live here anymore. You can go visit him at his condo.” Jackson threw his game controller down and ran to his room. AJ looked confused

“What is going on Ashton?” I looked at him and shifted in my chair.

“Nick and I are separated. He moved out last weekend. Jackson is taking it hard.”

“Oh, Ashton. I’m so sorry. What is Nick thinking? You’re the best thing that happened to him.”

“I don’t know. He says he fell out of love with me.”

“Is he on drugs? That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard.” I smiled. AJ always knew how to make me feel better.

“Please don’t say anything to him. He should be the one to tell you. So how are things with you and Arizona?”

“Perfect. I couldn’t be happier.”

The front door opened and Nick walked into the living room. “Hey Alex. Ashton, I’m sorry I forgot to tell you about working in the studio today.”

“It’s your studio Nick. You don’t need permission to use it.” I got up from the chair and started to leave the room.

“Would it be ok if I took the kids out to dinner?”

"That is fine. You know you don’t have to ask to spend time with your kids. Just let me know what time you are going, so I can get the kids ready.” I walked out of the room

------------------------------------------------

Nick sat at the control panel, fiddling with the buttons as he waited for AJ to get off the phone. They had worked hard all morning fixing the track Nick recorded in Atlanta.

“Love you, too. See you tonight. Bye, Arizona.” AJ put his phone in his pocket.

“You are so in love with her.”

“Yeah, she’s my life. I remember the days when you spent all your free time on the phone with Ashton. You made me sick.”

“Yeah.” Nick replied glumly.

“Nick what’s wrong?”

“I’m not living here anymore. I’m not in love with Ashton.”

“What?!?!”

“I’m not in love with her anymore. Things have changed. I’m not the same person I was when we fell in love. It’s different.” He sighed. He couldn’t put into words what he was feeling.

“Yes, you’ve both grew up and matured. I hope you aren’t the same people you were when you met. You have an awesome wife.”

“I get what you’re saying, but something’s changed. I can’t place it. It’s been like this for a while.”

“Have you talked to her about it? You know how important communication is in a relationship.”

“When did you become Dr. Phil? I haven’t talked to her about it because I can’t put it into words.” He fiddled with the gold watch she gave him last Christmas.

“Nick if you don’t talk to her, you’re only going to push her away. Ashton will only take so much of your bullshit, before she goes off on you. Remember who her brother is. You don’t want to mess with the female version of Kevin.”

-----------------------------------------

“Daddy, I am so hungry. Can we go to Chuckie Cheese?” Rachel sat on his lap.

“We’ll see. Is Jacks ready?” Nick asked me. I could tell he was getting impatient.

“Nick he’s in his room. He told me he doesn’t want to go with you.”  Nick sighed in frustration. He was saddened by his son’s anger. He put his daughter on the couch and made his way upstairs.

“Jacks, can I come in?” Nick said as he knocked on the door. His son didn’t answer. Nick opened the door and saw his son sitting on the bed petting the cat. “Are you mad at me?”

“Yeah.”

“Why?” Nick sat next to Jackson.

“Because you don’t love us anymore.”

“That’s not true. I love you Jackson. I love your sister.”

“You forgot someone. Why do you hate mommy?” He continued petting his cat, as tears fell down his cheeks.

“Jacks, I don’t hate your mom. Sometimes grown-ups care about each other, but don’t love one another. I care for your mom a lot.”

“That makes no sense daddy. How can you not love mommy? She’s the best girl in the whole world. She takes care of me when I’m sick, loves me even when I get in trouble, and she makes my favorite dinner all the time.”

Nick didn’t know how to respond to Jackson. He had to agree that those were all great reasons to love his wife. When did his marriage become complex? Why couldn’t he go back to simpler times?

“Jacks are you going to dinner. We’re going to Chuckie Cheese.”  Jackson shook his head. Nick gave him a kiss on the head.  He wasn’t going to force him to come. “I love you, buddy.”

Nick walked out and closed the door. “I love you daddy.” Jackson buried his head in a pillow and cried himself to sleep.

“The sun will come out tomorrow.” Rachel sang loudly in the airport. Jackson was playing a game on his DS. We were waiting for my mom’s flight to arrive from Kentucky. I was excited about seeing my mom. She was going to be spending a month with us.

My mom walked towards us with her luggage. “Ashton, I’m so glad to see you. I’ve missed you.” She embraced me in a hug. My mom is just what I needed.

“Grandma!!!” The kids screamed. They were just as excited to see her. She gave them both hugs.

“Where’s Nick?”

“Daddy is living in a condo.” Rachel blurted out. I gave her a look and her eyes bugged out knowing she wasn’t supposed to tell.

“We’ll have to talk about that later Ashton.”

We made our way toward the Land Rover. My mother caught me up with all the hometown gossip. By the time we reached the house, I knew who got married and who was having kids. When I pulled in the driveway, I noticed Nick’s car parked by the garage. I wondered what he was doing at the house.

“Hello Mom. It’s great to see you.” He came out and got the luggage.

“It’s good to see you Nick. How are you?”

“Doing well. I’m trying to keep myself of out trouble.” He laughed.

“Is that even possible?” She laughed and kissed him on the cheek.

Nick took the luggage to the guest bedroom.

“What brings you to the house?”

“I was bored and wanted to see the kids. Can they stay with me tonight?”

“Yeah that would be fine. Just bring them home in the morning before church.”

“Thanks Ashton.”

-----------------------

The cool night air was refreshing. My mom and I were sitting on the deck sipping wine and catching up on life.

“Why is Nick living in a condo?” My mom asked quietly.

“He wanted to separate.” I answered vaguely. I really didn’t feel like talking about Nick.

“I thought things were going well with your marriage.”

“I did, too. That changed about two months ago. He fell out of love with me.”

“How do you feel about that?”

“How do I feel? That depends on the moment. At first I was heart broken. Then I was mad. Now, I’m just confused.”

“Have the two of you sat down and talked about it?”

“No, he clams up every time I try to talk to him. We used to communicate so well, but now we barely talk about us.” I sighed. I realized Nick and I forgot about us. We were so busy with life that we just forgot each other.

“What are you going to do about?” Ann sipped her wine. She hoped her daughter would fight to save her marriage.

“I don’t know.”

“Where’s the Ashton who fights for what’s important? Are you going to sit around and let Nick determine the future of your marriage? He’ll take the easy way out by divorcing you and finding another woman.”

“Do you think that badly of Nick? I don’t think he would move on that quickly. He has kids that he loves and adores.”

“I love Nick like a son, but he needs to have a woman around to make him feel complete. If you can’t do that, he’ll find someone else.” My mom told me softly. I knew she meant well. She didn’t want me to get hurt. She wanted to see me happy.

“Well, I guess I need to think about what I need to do. Jackson’s been taking it very hard.”

“He has a sensitive soul. He looks up to his dad and now he’s seeing that his dad isn’t perfect. Jackson is protective of you.”

“I’m amazed that he went to stay with Nick tonight. Every time he comes around Jackson refuses to do anything with him. I hope Jackson realizes how much his dad loves him.”

“He will. Have you talked to Kevin lately?”

“He called me yesterday. Kevin and Nia are coming to visit next week. I’m excited. It would be great if Tim and Jerald were able to visit.”

“I would love to see all my kids together. It might not be good for Nick if all three of your brothers were here.” My mom laughed.

“Kevin already knows. I made him promise to not kill Nick. Nick and I will work it out. Let’s talk about you. Tell me about that guy you went out with.”

“How do you know about that?” She laughed nervously.

 “Kevin. Never tell him anything. He has the biggest mouth when it comes to our family. I’m glad you’re keeping yourself busy and having fun.”

“His name is Don. He’s a teacher at the high school. He took me to dinner and we went dancing afterward.”

“Is Don’s last name Collins?”

“Yes. How did you know?” I started giggling. I couldn’t control myself.

“He was my geometry teacher in tenth grade.”

As I pulled up to the church, Nick was standing with the kids. He was wearing black dress pants and a green dress shirt. I guess he decided to attend worship today. I was surprised because Nick rarely went to church with us. My mom and I quickly got out of the car and walked over to my family.

“Mommy! Daddy is going to church with us today. He’s gonna sing like an angel.” Rachel danced around. I smiled at her.

“Good morning, Nick.” I smoothed my skirt and started walking into the church. We found a pew down in the front. Somehow I ended up sitting next to Nick.

As the kids went up front for the children’s sermon, I realized that I wasn’t concentrating on worshipping the Lord. I was concentrating on the man next to me. His arm kept grazing mine. I had no choice, but to share a hymnal with him because my mother was sitting between the kids. Nick paid no attention to me and focused on the pastor’s sermon. I couldn’t take it any longer; I got up quickly and ran outside. Nick’s eyes followed his wife as she ran out the door. That was so unlike her.

I sat on the wall beside the church. My head hurt and my heart ached. I literally felt sick to my stomach. I needed to snap out of this fog. My mom was right; I needed to work things out with Nick.

“Are you ok?” My mom asked with concern. I nodded my head. I was so nauseous I couldn’t talk.

“Dad, I’m hungry.” Jackson smiled at his dad.

“Would everyone like to go to lunch at Doc’s?” The kids jumped around excitedly. Doc’s was their favorite restaurant.

“I think I’ll pass. I’m not feeling well. Mom go enjoy some time with the family. I just need to rest.” Nick looked concerned.

“Are you sure, Ashton?” I nodded my head and walked to my car.

----------------------------

Doc’s was located beside the beach. While they waited for their food, the kids fed seagulls and ran on the beach.

“Nick what’s going on?” Ann asked bluntly.

“What do you mean?”

“You know what I mean. You’re not living at home. My daughter’s heart is being broken. ”

“Oh, that.” He paused. What was he going to say to his mother-in-law?  “We’re going through a phase right now.”

“Who you or my daughter?”

“Me. I’ll be honest with you Ann. I’m not in love with Ashton anymore.” He blinked quickly. Ann knew he wasn’t being totally honest about his last statement. “Things are different between us. I care about her, but something’s missing.”

“Is it sex?” Nick did not want to have this conversation with Ann. Even his friends didn’t ask that question. It was embarrassing to talk about your sex life with your mother-in-law.

“No.” He played with his straw. “I can’t explain it. Ashton is still the wonderful woman I married. She’s kind, caring, beautiful, and full of love. She’s great with the kids.  She’s a successful teacher. I just don’t know.”

“Are you sure this is about Ashton or is it about you?”

“What do you mean, Ann?”

“I keep hearing how aren’t in love with my daughter, yet your actions and words sing a different tune. I saw the way you looked at her during church. When she ran out, you wanted to follow. I think this is about you. You need to figure out what you want in your life. You’re not just screwing up her life, think about your kids.”

The waiter brought the food and the kids sat down to eat.

“Grandma….what did the baby corn say to the momma corn?”

“I don’t know, Jackson. What did it say?

“Where’s popcorn?” He laughed. Everyone started to chuckle.

“Gammy Ann, can we play Barbie’s when we get home?”

“I would love to.” Silence filled the table, as everyone started eating. Ann hoped Nick took her advice. Ashton and Nick were both to stubborn to realize they were both making a mistake by not communicating with each other. If they couldn’t pull it together, she was going to have to intervene.

--------------------------------------------

“Momma, I love you.” I kissed Rachel goodnight.

“I love you, Rachel. Did you have a good day today?”

“Yes, I did. Lunch was fun with daddy and Gammy Ann.” I fluffed her pillow and gave her one more kiss.

“Goodnight.”

I shut her door and went downstairs to the living room. Jackson was talking to his grandma. “I miss dad a lot. I wish he was still living with us.”

“I bet you do. You know your daddy loves you.” He nodded. “Your daddy’s love won’t change for you just because he doesn’t live with you.”

“I know, but he doesn’t love mommy.” Jackson sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.

“I think he still loves mommy a lot. Your dad is just confused. In his heart he will always love your mom.”

I couldn’t take it anymore and pretended like I just walked in. “Jackson, it’s time for bed. Give your grandma a kiss and brush your teeth. I’ll be up in a few minutes to tuck you in.”

Jackson gave his grandma a hug and kiss. He walked over to me and gave me a hug. “I love you mom. You’re the best.” Then he ran up the stairs.

“Mommy, Uncle Kevin, Auntie Nia, Spencer, baby Tylie, Uncle Tim, Aunt Patty, Uncle Jerald, and his girlfriend are here.” Rachel ran into kitchen screaming. I threw my dish towel down and ran to the door.

“OMG….What are you all doing here?”

“Mom invited us all to you house.” Jerald pulled me into arms. “We’ve missed our baby sister.”

“Come in. I’ve missed you all so much” I gave them all hugs as I ushered them into the house. “Mom, what a surprise! Thank you.”

The room was filled with laughter. Everyone was talking over each other. Spencer, Kevin’s twelve year old son, was listening to his iPod. Baby Tylie was sleeping in her momma’s arms. I sat down next to Kevin. “So how are things going?” He whispered.

“You mean with Nick. He’s moved out.”

“No one else knows. I didn’t think it was my place to tell them.”

“Well, when he doesn’t show up in a few hours, they’re going to know something is up.”

“What are you to whispering about?” Tim sat next to me.

“Nothing.” Kevin replied.

I found sleeping arrangements for everyone. Kevin, Nia, and Baby Tylie were in the recording studio. Tim and his wife were in the second guest room. Jerald and his girlfriend took the third bedroom. Spencer was going to room with Jackson. Ann and my sister-in-laws took the kids for ice cream and swimming at the beach. I was left with my brothers.

“Where’s Nick?” Jerald asked.

“Umm…well…you see…” I was having a hard time getting the words out.

“Ashton, spit it out.”

“We’re separated. He moved out.”

“What? Is he out of his mind?”

“Did he cheat on you?” Tim asked quietly.

“No, Nick would never cheat on me. He doesn’t love me anymore.” I stated matter of factly. I used to get all emotional saying it, but now that I have done it so many times the emotion went away.

“He’s a fool.” Jerald looked angry.

“Have you two talked about it?” Tim asked concerned.

“Kind of.”

“Kevin, you’re awfully quiet.”

“He already knows.” I told my other brothers. “Just like I told him, stay out of it. I know how you guys are. You want to protect me, but this is my problem to fix.”

------------------------------

Jerald knocked on the door. Kevin and Tim stood behind him. Nick answered the door. “Bri, let me call you back. I have some visitors from Kentucky.” He placed his phone on the table.

“Hello Nick.” Jerald forced himself into the condo.

Nick was nervous. He knew why his brother-in-laws were paying him a visit. “It’s great to see all of you. I didn’t know you were visiting.”

“Nice place Nick.” Jerald looked around the room.

“Umm…thanks. So what bring you by? You want a drink?” Jerald shook his head.

“What going on with you and Ashton?”

“We’re separated.” Nick sat down on the couch.

“Is there someone else?” interrogated Jerald. Kevin sat quietly, letting his older brother do the talking.

“No. I would never to that to your sister.”

“Then what’s your problem?”

“This is between me and my wife. I know you’re concerned. I don’t blame you for trying to protect your sister. Ashton and I need to work it out.” Nick glared at Jerald.

“You hurt my sister you’re going to pay the price. I don’t care if you are famous, your ass will be mine.”  Jerald walked out the door.

“Nick, have you and Ashton thought about talking to your pastor or a marriage counselor?” Tim asked. He thought a more subtle approach might work with Nick.

“Not really. I just need time to think about things. I didn’t plan on this happening. I thought I would love her forever. I still care about her.”

“I think you two need to talk to a professional. I think it will help. Think about it Nick.”

“Kevin, you sure are quiet.”

“I love you and my sister dearly.  I hope that you both can work this out before it’s too late. It’s not my job to interfere. I’m not taking sides.”

----------------------------

I was sitting quietly at the table looking through a catalog, when my phone rang. “Hello.”

“Ashton.”

“Nick.” What did he want? I haven’t talked to him in a week.

“I had some visitors from Kentucky.”

“Oh, shit. Nick, I’m sorry. I didn’t think they would visit you.” I honestly felt bad. I didn’t want my brothers involved in my marriage troubles.

“You know they would do anything to protect their little sister. I’m not mad. I just thought you should know.”

“Did anyone get a black eye?”

“No, it wasn’t like that. We talked like mature adults, except Jerald. He basically promised to hurt me.” I laughed, picturing my oldest brother beating up on Nick. “It’s not funny. Your brother is scary.”

“Jer means well. He’s a teddy-bear.”

“To you maybe, but he’s always ready to kick my ass.” Nick and I chuckled at that. “You think that’s funny?”

“Yes. I can picture it in mind. I see you both throwing punches and rolling around on the floor.” I couldn’t stop laughing.

“You are too much, Ashy.” She put a smile on Nick’s face. It was like things had never changed between them. He missed hearing her giggle. He couldn’t feel this way again. He needed to get off the phone. “I got to go. Bye.” His phone clicked off.

The sun shined brightly in my room. I opened my eyes and looked at the clock. It was 6:30. I haven’t been up this early since before summer vacation. Since I was wide awake I decided to get up for the day. I stretched and got out of bed. I padded down the hall and went downstairs to the kitchen. Coffee was already on, but you wouldn’t catch me drinking it. I grabbed a bottle of juice and went outside.

“Good morning, Nia.” She was sitting quietly holding Tylie.

“Morning, Ash. You want to hold her.” I took my niece and held her in my arms. She was tiny and precious. I missed the days when my children were that little.

“Why are you up so early?”

“Tylie is a morning person. She has me up every day at six. I heard about what your brothers did.”

“They mean well. It’s nice that they care about me, but I need to work this out on my own. I felt bad for Nick. You know he called and told me about it.”

“Don’t feel bad for Nick. He deserves that and more. I can’t believe Kev is staying so calm about this.”

“I know Kevin is pissed at Nick, but he’s an older brother to him. He’s trying to help us both, which means he’s going to stay neutral.”

“Well I hope things work out for you. I always thought you made a great couple. I remember when you first met each other.”

“I never thought I’d end up marrying him. I was such a geek back then.” Tylie had fallen asleep in my arms. “Nia, how do you keep the love going in your marriage?”

“Kevin and I make a point to have time together. We go out on dates once a week. Your mom babysits for us. We talk a lot. If something is bothering me, I tell Kevin. We work out things as soon as they happen.”

“Wow, you and Kevin have a great marriage.”

“We do, but it takes a lot of work. It’s not a perfect marriage. We have our share of problems, but we make sure to never go to bed angry. What is your marriage like with Nick before you separated?”

Nia made me realize that my marriage was not as peachy as I thought it was. I couldn’t blame it all on Nick. I helped cause this separation. “We talked a lot, but never about us. It was either the kids or our careers. I don’t think Nick and I went on a date in over a year. I was just content to let things be. I didn’t think about romance or spending time alone with Nick. I’m a horrible wife.” I gave Tylie back to Nia and ran into the house. Once I was back in my bedroom, I cried into my pillow.

--------------------------

Everyone was enjoying the afternoon. The kids were in the pool. Spencer was showing Jackson and Rachel how to do underwater handstands. My brothers were fighting over who got control of the grill. All the women were enjoying the sunshine. I walked over to the table and sat down.

“Hey sis. Can you tell these two clowns to let me do the grilling?”

“Let me see which of you I trust to not burn my house down.”

“That would be me.” Jerald gave me a hug.

“Buttering me up will not help you. Hmmm….I think Tim is the safest bet. He’s closer to God than all of you, and God won’t let my house catch on fire.” I laughed. Kevin and Jerald pouted. Jerald went over to his girlfriend, Stephanie looking for some love.

“It’s my house, I’ll do the grilling.” Nick stood there looking irritated.

“What are you doing here?”

“It is my house.” Nick replied rudely. I stood up.

“It was until you decided to leave.”

“I still pay the mortgage.” What was his problem? He didn’t have any right to come over here and have an attitude with me.

“Whatever Nick. I don’t want to fight with you.  Is there a reason why you are here?”

“I needed to get something.”

“Well you better get it and leave.”

“Ashton, don’t pull an attitude with me because your family is here. We need to talk. Now. Inside.” He grabbed my wrist and started to pull me into the house.

“LET GO OF ME.” I hissed at him.

“Is everything ok?” Kevin asked as he walked up to us. Nick gave him a dirty look.

“Everything is fine. I need to talk to my husband inside.” I followed Nick into the house. He walked up the stairs to our bedroom.

“Ashton…” He paused.

“What Nick? What is so important that you had to pull me away from my family?” He grabbed my face and pulled it to his. He kissed me with force, slipping his tongue in my mouth. My body was responding to his touch, but my mind said stop. I couldn’t let him do this to me. If he didn’t love me, he wasn’t going to take advantage of me.

“No Nick. You can’t just come here and think you can kiss me. You don’t love me anymore. You don’t want anything to do with me. I wish you would leave me alone. You’re making this harder. This is not fair to me. It’s not fair to the kids. You think you can just waltz in here and do what you want because you’re the great Nick Carter.” I shouted at him.

“Fine Ashton. If that is what you want. I will stay away. You won’t see me unless I’m here to get the kids. You’re such a bitch.” He screamed at me.

“Whatever. I’ve had enough of you. Do whatever you came here to do and then leave.” I started to walk out of the room.

“I came here for some things I forgot. Can I have the kids tomorrow?” He whispered.

“Sure. Pick them up at nine. I’ll have them ready.”

Rachel and Jackson were sitting at the island eating breakfast. Nick was going to be here at any minute to pick them up. I was not looking forward to seeing him. After the fight we had yesterday, I didn’t want to look at him.

“What are we going to do at daddy’s?” Rachel asked her brother. He shrugged his shoulders and continued to eat his cereal.

I heard the door open. It must be Nick. “Good morning Rachel. Good morning Jacks.” He placed kisses on their head. He looked at my, but I looked away.

“I’ll be back in a minute. Don’t leave until I say goodbye.” I quickly walked out of the kitchen. Nick stared at his wife’s sexy body. He missed touching her.

“Rachel and Jackson, go get your backpacks. I need to talk to your dad.” Kevin walked in the room. The kids scurried out of the room, leaving the men to talk.

“What’s up Kevin?” Nick didn’t look pleased having to talk to Kevin. This wasn’t going to be a pleasant conversation.

“I’m not going to beat around the bush. If I ever see you grabbing my sister like you did, I will personally kick your ass.”

“I didn’t mean to grab her like that. I just wanted her to come inside with me. You know how she gets.” He would never hurt Ashton physically. His anger had gotten the best of him yesterday. He certainly wasn’t proud of that moment.

“I know Ashton can have a temper, but yours is just as bad. I think you should stay away from here as much as possible and get your head on straight. If you don’t love her, stop putting her through misery. Divorce her and let her move on with her life. If you love her, then you need to get yourself together and work it out. Just stop messing with her heart.”

“Don’t you think I’m hurting, too? This isn’t just about Ashton. It’s about our marriage. I never thought this would happen. I expected to grow old with her.”

“From what I see…it’s all about you. You’re being selfish because you aren’t thinking about the vows you took on your wedding day. Instead of working on your marriage, you move out and stop communicating with your wife. Nick, you always take the easy way out. Grow up before you lose everything. Kevin walked out.

-----------------

“Daddy will you play babies with me?” Rachel smiled at her dad.

“Sure Pookie.” He tickled her side and she giggled.

“Oh, Daddy you are so silly. Here is your baby. Her name is Muffy.” She handed Nick a rag doll with bright pink hair. “Her diaper is dirty, and you need to change it.”

Rachel went to her bag and got Nick a diaper for the doll. “Eww…baby Muffy you stink. What did your mommy feed you?”  Nick spoke to the doll as he changed her diaper.

Rachel burst into a fit of giggles. She thought it was funny to see her dad talking to her doll. Jackson sat on the couch rolling his eyes at his sister and dad.

“Daddy, Muffy is hungry. Here’s her bottle.” She placed the bottle in his hand. He started feeding the baby.

“Dad you look stupid playing with a doll. That’s for girls.” Jackson sat on the couch playing DS.

“Muffy fell asleep, Rachey. You better put her to bed.” He gave his daughter the doll and scooted over to his son.

“What are you playing?”

“101 Shark Pets.” Jackson continued to play as he talked to his dad. Nick watched his son enter his shark in a talent show. He was enjoying spending time with his kids. They were so full of life. He missed tucking them in at night. He missed eating breakfast with them. His missed not being with them every day.

“What do you want for lunch?”

“Pizza” both kids said at the same time.

“Ok. Let me get the phone.”

----------------

“Nia you look beautiful in that dress. Kevin would drool seeing you in that.” Patty exclaimed at her sister-in-law.

I walked out of the dressing room wearing a dark green knee length spaghetti strapped sundress. “Oh, my! You look stunning. You have to get that dress.”

“Thank you.” I twirled around. “Where would I wear it?”

“Who cares where? You look so hot. That would make Nick come crawling back to you.” I rolled my eyes at Stephanie.

“I’m done pleasing Nick. He doesn’t care about what he’s missing. I’m not going to play his game. If he doesn’t want me…it’s his loss.” I said confidently.

“You go girl!” Nia screamed loudly in the store. All of us women started laughing.

I went back into the dressing room and changed my clothes. I thought about what I told the girls. Could I really beat Nick at this game? If he didn’t want me, I wasn’t going to mope around anymore. That was easier said than done. At least with everyone visiting, I didn’t have time to worry about Nick Carter. I could focus on enjoying my family.

I paid for my dress and we decided to go eat lunch.

“Stephanie, when is Jer going to pop the question?”

“Soon I hope. I think it will be soon. He keeps hinting about it.”

“Aww…you too are so cute together. We can’t wait for you to be a Richardson.” I hugged her.

We continued talking about kids, our men, and weddings. For the first time in a long while I enjoyed myself.

“Do you need any help?” Ann asked her daughter. They were preparing for a barbecue.

“Yeah, can you keep an eye on the kids?” I continued to mix the pasta salad. I was excited to spend the day with my friends and family. The door bell rang. “Come in.” I yelled.

Moments later I heard a bunch of feet walking toward the kitchen. In walked Brian and his wife Carrie. “Bri, it’s great to see you!” I gave him a hug. Then I hugged Carrie.

“Ashton, you look beautiful.”

“Thanks Bri. Where are the girls?” Brian had eight year old triplets.

“They ran out back as soon as we pulled in.”

“Well go enjoy yourselves. Everyone is outside.” Brian shooed his wife out the door and remained in the kitchen.

“So how are things with my favorite cousin?”

“I’m fine Brian. Things aren’t perfect. I’m starting to get tired of everyone hovering over me. I’m trying to live one day at a time and enjoy time with my family.” I don’t think Brian was buying it. I’m sure I sounded fake.

“Have you talked to Nick lately?”

“Brian, you talk to Nick everyday. I’m sure he’s kept you updated on what’s going on. I haven’t seen him in a week.” I started chopping carrots pretending it was Nick’s head. Sorry, I was using Nick to release my frustration.

“Has he been seeing the kids?”

“Yes, he sees the kids all the time. He calls them everyday and sees them almost every other day. Kevin’s been nice enough to drive them over to Nick’s so I don’t have to see him.”

“You know that isn’t going to solve anything.” Brian was beginning to piss me off. I wanted a day free from Nick, but everyone wanted to talk about him.

“Maybe I don’t want to solve anything. Right now it’s easier to pretend he doesn’t exist. Nick certainly doesn’t seem to care about me. Why do I have to be the one to fix the problem?” I went off on Brian.

“I’m sorry Ashton. I didn’t mean to upset you. I just wanted you to know Nick’s hurting, too.”

“Fine Brian. Can we just stop talking about him for the rest of the day?” He nodded and went outside.

------------------------

The cookout was going great. Everyone was having fun. The kids were swimming. Jackson and Spencer were playing in the tree house.  The men were talking over beers. The women were gossiping. It was a pleasant day.

“So where’s Nick?” Howie said looking around the yard.

“Nick and Ashton are separated. He moved out a while ago.” AJ blurted out. He could never keep secrets.

“Are you kidding me?”

“Afraid not. He says he’s not in love with her.”

“Is he on drugs?” How was shocked at his younger brother.

“Nah. He’s just being a jack ass.” Kevin remarked sipping his beer. AJ laughed at that comment.

“Speaking of marriage; I’m going to ask Arizona to marry me when we go to Vegas next weekend.”

“Awesome.”

“Our wittle Alex is growing up.” Brian pinched AJ’s cheeks and pretended to cry.

“Get off me you dope.”

I walked over the group of men. They were fooling around. “Who wants to grill?” They all got up and ran to the grill. Kevin got there first.

“Ha ha ha. I won. I’m the Grill Master.” The rest of the guys fell at his feet. I couldn’t stop laughing. Right then, someone’s phone went off.

“Hello. Not much. Where am I? At your house. Ashton’s having a small get together. Ok. Bye.” Brian put his phone in his pocket. He looked dumbfounded.

“Is everything ok, Bri?” I asked.

“Not really. That was Nick on the phone. He’s on his way over.”

--------------------

I met Nick in the front yard. If looks could kill I would have been dead. He was not happy with me at the moment. Then again, he hasn’t been happy with me in a while.

“Hello Nick. What brings you by?” I asked cheerfully. I knew why he was here.

“I heard you were having a party with all my friends.”

“You seem to forget that they are my friends, too.”

“Whatever, Ashton. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Didn’t know I had to.” I think he was jealous about me having a cookout with my friends and family.

“It would have been the polite thing to do. I’m still your husband.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“You seem to forget that you told me you wanted to stay away from me. Besides, you lost that right to know my business when you left.”

“I can’t stand you anymore. When did you change?”

“I changed when you fell out of love with me. I’m not going to take your crap because don’t know what you want. I’m not your doormat.”

“You’re not the woman I married. It’s like you have a split personality.” I smacked him on the face. He infuriated me. How dare he treat me that way! He looked shocked and starting rubbing his face.

“Well, you’re not the man I married either. He would have never treated his wife this way. You need to leave. I don’t want this cookout ruined for our kids. They deserve to enjoy their day.”

“Fine, but this isn’t over. We’ll talk about this later and don’t you ever hit me again.” He stormed over to his car and got in. Without thinking he sped out of the driveway and hit the mailbox. Nick didn’t even stop to see what damage he had done.

I rang the door bell to Nick’s condo. We were meeting to talk about things. I didn’t know how much talking was going to occur. Lately, all we did was yell at one another. I hope we could act like civilized adults. The fighting was wearing me down.

“Come in.” He held the door open for me.  I stepped inside. “Let’s go into the living room.”

I followed Nick into the living room and sat down on the couch. For a few minutes, we sat quietly. Neither of us knew what to say. I looked around the room, noticing he had photos of the kids everywhere. There we no pictures of me. He was trying to pretend I didn’t exist. It was proof that he didn’t want me.

“So, Nick are we going to talk or stare at the walls?”

“We need to talk.” He fidgeted in his seat. He looked as uncomfortable as I did.

“I’m sorry I hit you the other day. I regret it.”

“It was so unlike you. You never hit me before. I’ve never seen your temper flare that much.” He rubbed his face where she smacked him, remembering the pain. I still felt guilty.

“I’m angry, Nick. You’ve hurt me. The past few months have been hell for me. At first I was sad, but then it turned into anger. I can’t help how I feel.”

“I get that Ashton. I know you blame me. It’s all my fault.” He huffed.

“I’m not blaming you, but you chose to leave me. You chose to stop loving me. I want to hate you but I can’t because I love you.”

“You remind me every time we see each other. What if love isn’t enough?” I didn’t know to respond to his question. Until recently, I always thought love would be enough.

“I don’t know Nick, but we really need to talk about this. I need to know why you don’t love me.”

“Remember when we went to your friend Sage’s wedding.” I nodded my head. That was six months ago. “Well, that night after we made love, I woke up, and I got scared.”

“Why?”

“I realized that I felt differently about you. I still cared about you, but I wasn’t head over hills in love with you.”

“So this is about sex. You aren’t sexually attracted to me anymore? That makes no sense. You continued to make love to me after that night.” I could feel the tears form in my eyes. I wasn’t going to cry. He wasn’t worth it. I quickly wiped the corners of my eyes.

“It had nothing to do with sex. At that point, I was confused, but as time went by I continued to feel that way. Something changed between us, but I can’t pinpoint it.”

“Do you think we’re too preoccupied with our careers and life in general? When was the last time anything was about us?”

“I can’t remember anything being about us in the last few months.” Nothing was making any sense to him. He had to get out of the room. Being around her was making this harder. He stood up and walked out of the room. I sat there stunned. I got up and followed him.

“How dare you walk away from me! I thought we were discussing our marriage. I thought this is what you wanted.” I shouted. He would not look at me.

“I can’t do this anymore. I DON’T LOVE YOU!!!” He yelled. Tears ran down his face.

“You’re lying. I see those tears. If you didn’t love me you wouldn’t be crying.”

“Shut up. I’m crying because I know what this is going to do to our kids.”

“Nick, forget about the kids for a moment. This has nothing to do with them. This is about us. All I see is you making excuses.”

“I’m not making excuses. Our marriage isn’t working, and I don’t think it’s going to.” I looked at him. He looked pathetic with tears falling down his face. “Maybe we need to end our marriage.”

“No. Don’t you dare even say that to me! We can work this out.” I pleaded with him.

“How? All we do is scream and yell at each other. You’re so angry.”

“And you’re a prick. This isn’t over Nick.” I placed my lips on Nick’s. He moaned as our tongues danced together.  His arms went around my waist and he pulled me closer. We both forgot what we were fighting about. I knew it had to stop. I broke up the make-out session. “Remember this is what you’re missing out on.”

I walked out of the room, grabbed my purse and left the condo. As soon as I was in the hallway, I broke down and collapsed on the floor.

It was a quiet morning in the Carter house. Most of my family went back to Kentucky; only my mom and Kevin’s family were still visiting. Kevin and Nia had taken the kids to Disney World for a few days. My mom decided to do some shopping. It was nice to have some peace and quiet. I sat on the couch with my feet propped up on the coffee table sipping tea and reading a book. After a few hours I decided to stretch my feet and walked to the mailbox.  I shuffled through bills, catalogs, magazine, and an envelope from Nick’s lawyers. It couldn’t be. Nick wouldn’t do that to me. I ran into the house and threw all the mail on the table except the envelope.

Quickly, I broke the seal and took out the papers. It was exactly what I prayed it wouldn’t be. How could he do this do me? I quickly put the papers back in the envelope and walked into the office. I sat at my desk and started to panic. My life was ending. I slowly breathed in and out trying to calm myself down. I had to hide the papers from myself. If I didn’t see them then it wouldn’t be true. Who was I kidding? It was true no matter where the papers were located.  A few minutes later I put the envelope in the desk drawer and went to my bedroom.

Divorce. He actually wanted a divorce. Nick didn’t even want to try to work things out. Tears poured down my face and my body shook as I sobbed. It was over. I would no longer be Mrs. Carter. I was going to be another statistic of divorce. Then I got pissed. Nick was a coward, who took the easy way out. It was easier to get divorced than to work on our marriage. He didn’t even have the decency to warn me about the divorce. Instead he wanted to surprise me with the worst thing to ever happen in my life.

I walked into the closet and started ripping his clothes off the hangers. I threw them all over the room. Shirts and pants were flying everywhere. I wasn’t stopping there. I was a woman possessed. My anger had gotten the best of me, and I didn’t even care. After all his clothes were on the floor, I went into the master bathroom. I opened up the closet. I grabbed his favorite cologne and poured it down the sink. I did this with bottle after bottle. Then I started throwing stuff out of the medicine cabinet. Birth control….don’t need it.  I threw it at the mirror. Make-up….don’t need it. It went flying past the door and into the bedroom. I was a tornado wrecking all the things that were no longer important to me. “I hate you, Nick Carter. You are the biggest asshole I ever met.” I continued to throw anything and everything I could get my hands on.

“Ashton, what is wrong?” Ann asked. She was concerned when she saw the disaster I made.

“My husband, I mean my soon to be ex-husband wants a divorce.” I yelled. My mom pulled close to her and attempted to comfort me. “NO, mom. I don’t want you to feel sorry for me. I just want to destroy anything and everything that reminds me of him.’ I grabbed the glass frame with our wedding picture in it and tossed it across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into a million pieces.

Ann grabbed her daughter and pulled her into a tight hug. “Shh…sweetheart, I know it sucks. Just let it out.” I sobbed and sobbed until no more tears came out of my eyes. Once I calmed down, I laid on my bed. “Get some rest sweetheart.”

My mom started to clean up the mess. “Mom, I’ll get that later. It’s my mess, and I’ll clean it up.” She nodded her head and left the room.

--------------------------------

 A few hours later the house phone rang. I didn’t bother picking it up. My mom must have answered it because it stopped ringing.

“Hello Carter residence. How may I help you?”

“Hello Ann. Is Ashton there?” Nick asked quietly. He knew the divorce papers were being sent out today and wanted to see how Ashton took the news. He knew she was going to take it hard.

“Nick, she’s in no condition to talk to you. I think you’ve done enough damage.”

“I never meant to hurt her, but I guess I did.” He felt horrible about the situation, but he knew he was doing the right thing.

“Yes you did. I hope you really thought this through. If you truly don’t love her than setting her free is the best. I know she’s hurting now, but she will be stronger in the end. If you’re doing this because you are confused and a divorce is easier than working out your problems, then shame on you. If that’s the case, you’re going to end up with a broken heart because when you decide you want her back. She might not be there.” Nick and Ann sat in silence. For Nick it was a lot to take in.

“I’m sorry. I need to talk to her. Can you have her call me when she’s ready to talk?” He voice grew shaky.

“Yes, Nick.” Ann placed the phone on the table. Her daughter was an emotional mess. Her son-in-law was more confused than he was before. She sat and prayed for both of them to get it together for themselves and their children.

A few days had passed since Nick filed for divorce. He was worried because he still hadn’t heard from Ashton. Nick was waiting for her to yell at him. He decided to pay her a visit. He got out of the car and headed to the front door. Should he walk in or ring the bell? Nick didn’t know the rules of divorce. Heck, he couldn’t even get any advice on the subject. Almost all of his friends were happily married. He decided to ring the doorbell.

Ann opened the door. “Hello Nick.” She left the door open, so he could come in.

“How’s Ashton doing?”

“Not good. She won’t leave her bedroom. She won’t eat. I’m worried about her. The kids are coming back tomorrow.”

“Shit. I didn’t know this would happen” Nick felt guilty. He wasn’t in love with her, but he still cared about the mother of his children. He regretted hurting her. This divorce was to make things better, not make it worse. “I’m going to go talk to her.”

Nick raced up the stairs before Ann could stop him. He felt like a stranger in his own house. He knocked on the bedroom door, but all he got was silence. Quietly, he opened the door. He was shocked by what he saw. Clothes, make-up, glass, and papers littered the floor. Ashton was the calmest person he knew unless she was mad. Then her temper got the best of her. She was worse than Kevin when he had pms. She had the covers over her head.

Nick walked over and gently lowered the covers, so he could see her face. Her hair was going every which way, and he could see where her mascara had run down her cheeks. She was a sight. Nick had never seen her like this. “Ashton, are you ok?” He whispered. She looked at me and turned over to the other side.

“Ashton, please don’t ignore me. I’m worried about you.”

“Why now? You’re the one who caused my pain.”

“I care about you. I don’t want you falling apart over this divorce.”

“Are you for real? The only man I ever loved is divorcing me. Yet, he wants me to be happy about it. He wants me to just get on with my life because he is. What do you think about that Nick? Who in there right mind would be stupid enough to expect me to be happy about this?” I sat up and looked at my husband.

I don’t expect you to be happy. I don’t expect you to move on with your life. What I expect is that you are mature and are able to take care of our kids.” He raised his voice.

“I will have no problem taking care of my kids. This will not change or affect my parenting skills. I will help them understand why mommy and daddy aren’t together anymore. My poor babies. This is going to tear them up. Jackson is going to take this harder than Rachel. Nick what were you thinking? I started to cry. That’s all I seemed to be doing these past few days.

“I know it’s not going to be easy for Jackson or Rachel, but won’t it be easier if their parents are happy?”

“Don’t you mean if their dad is happy? You are the only one happy about this situation.”

Nick was getting frustrated. Their conversations always seemed to be going to circles. Nothing ever got solved. It was the same thing over and over. Ashton buried her head under a pillow. He got up and started cleaning up the mess. This was the worst he ever felt in his life.

---------------------------------

“Another beer please.” He told the bartender. Nick hadn’t drank in a long time. He needed something to calm his nerves. He sat the bar, his mind full of emotions. The bartender placed another beer in front of him.

“Penny for your thoughts.” An old man sat next to him.

“Problems at home.”

“Get in a fight with the Mrs.?” I swallowed my beer.

“Yeah. We’re getting a divorce.”

“I remember the time when no one got divorced. Young people today want to end things when it gets a little tough.” The old man commented.

“What if you aren’t in love anymore?”

“Son, let me tell you something. I’ve been married for sixty years. I love my wife dearly. I was madly in love with her since I met her at the beach. We got married and had kids. There were years, I don’t even remember because we were wrapped up with the kids. Were there times I felt like I wasn’t in love with her? Yes, but then I realized that wasn’t the real love. That was that Hallmark card, Valentine’s Day romance. Love like that only lasts in movies. Real love has nothing to do with romance and sex. Real love is dealing with everyday life. It’s the person who knows you better than yourself and loves you anyway. It’s the person who you know has your back in the middle of a crisis. It’s the person who will take care you even when they are sick and don’t want to. “

“Thank you sir. You’ve given me something to think about.”

“Son, take my advice. Before you sign those divorce papers, think about what you will be missing. Think about your wife and how you met. Think about why you asked her out. Think about why you asked her to marry you. Think about all the times she took care of you. Think of how you both handled the hard situations of life. When you’re thinking, at anytime you have that feeling of love for her in the back of you mind, know that you do love and care for her. Remember it’s about the little things, not the Hallmark cards and romantic dates. It’s about taking care of one another. The support that you know you got each other’s backs.” The old man took the last swig of his drink and walked out of the bar. Nick was stunned.

Today my kids were coming home from Disney. I pulled myself out of bed and saw the mess. I quickly ran downstairs and got some trash bags. I barely remembered destroying Nick’s possessions. I was so angry when I got the divorce papers. I had never been this mad at Nick in the entire time I knew him. After four days, I was calmer, but still angry. I knew I had to get it together for my kids. They were the most important things in my life.

After I cleaned up my bedroom, I got in the shower. The hot water felt good on my tight muscles. I could have stayed there all day.  I got of the shower and dried off. Then I quickly got dressed and went downstairs.

“Ashton, you feeling any better?” Ann was making French toast. She was glad to see her daughter out of bed. The few days had been torture. She hated watching her daughter suffer and know she couldn’t change the outcome.

“I’m feeling less angry, but it hurts. I’ve got to be strong for Rachel and Jackson. They’re going to need me.” I poured myself a glass of milk and sat down.

“Mommy, mommy we’re home!” Rachel screamed through the house. A minute later Jackson and Rachel ran into the kitchen.

“I’ve missed you both so much.” I gave each of them a hug. “How was Disney?”

“I met Cinderella and Belle. We got Mickey Mouse’s autograph”

“It was fun. Did dad move back in yet?” Jackson asked impatiently.

“No, your dad hasn’t moved back home yet sweetie. Why don’t you and Rachel take your suitcases upstairs? Mommy needs to talk to Kevin.” Jackson gave me another hug and ushered his sister out of the kitchen.

“Kevin, how were the kids?”

“They were great. Rachel never stops. She has Nick’s energy and sings all the time.” I smiled at that comment. Rachel had his personality. “Mom told me about the divorce.”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. You don’t deserve this. If I could take the pain away, I would.”

“Thanks Kevy. I don’t know whether to fight him on this or just sign the papers and be done.” I put my head down on the table.

“What is going to be the best in the long run? If you fight, you may end up hating Nick. If you handle it civilly, you and Nick can remain friends. Think about what kind of relationship you want to have when the divorce is final. Do you want your kids to see you as the nasty woman their dad hates or would you rather be the woman their dad is friends with?” Why did Kevin always know the right things to say?

“You’re right Kevin. I want to have a good relationship with Nick after this stupid divorce is over. I’d much rather it didn’t exist, but I can’t change that now. Nick made a choice, and I guess I have to live with it.”

-----------------------------

“Nick, how do you want to tell the kids about the divorce?” I was cleaning dining room since the kids were in bed.

“I think we should do it together. My thoughts keep going back to telling Jackson I was moving out. He took it so hard. ”

“Yeah about that Nick. He asked me today if you moved back in.” I wiped the table off.

“I know he’s going to be upset. I don’t want him to hate me. He’s going to blame me for everything. I just picture him in college hating his dad for divorcing his mother. He’ll blame me for all of his failed relationships.”

“Nick, stop it. Jackson will be mad at you, but he’ll never stop loving you. Yes, he might blame you, but it is this was your choice.” I had to be honest with Nick.

“Here we go again. Everything is my fault. You have done nothing wrong. Ashton Jeannette Richardson Carter is the world’s perfect woman. Let’s all bow down to her.”  He remarked sarcastically.

“Nick, that’s not true. I am not perfect. I make plenty of mistakes. I was just stating how a seven year old might perceive the situation. I’m trying to stay calm and make this situation as easy as possible for my children. It seems like every time we take two steps forward, we take about seven steps back. I’m tired of fighting, but you like to egg it on.”

“That is not true. I don’t want to fight. You’re the one who wrecked our bedroom because you were angry. You keep saying things to make me mad.” I could tell he was pacing. He always did that when he was upset.

“Well, I’m sorry I overacted about my marriage being over. You totally surprised me with it. You didn’t have the decency to tell me it was going to happen. Let’s stop. It’s late, and I’m tired. Come over around noon and we’ll talk to the kids. Just to let you know, I think my biggest mistake in life was getting involved with you.” I hung up the phone.

Nick was in shock. He couldn’t believe she hung up on him. When did Ashton become feisty and fiery? It was kind of hot. What was he thinking? He couldn’t be having those thought about his soon to be ex-wife. Why was his life falling apart? Why did he feel more confused about the whole situation? He needed a cold shower.

“Daddy. I missed you so much.” Rachel ran and Nick picked her up.

“I missed you, too. Where’s mommy and Jackson?”

“They are in the living room. Let’s go.” She pulled him into the room.

“Dad…I missed you so much.” Jackson ran over to him and hugged him. It was good seeing his kids. He loved them so much.

“Hello Nick.” I was going to be civilized towards Nick. I wasn’t going to show my anger in front of the kids. They didn’t need to see first hand how much their parents disliked each other at the moment.

“Mommy said you were going to talk to us.” Rachel looked at her father. “Are we moving to China?”

“No Pookie. We are not moving to China.” He ruffled her blonde locks.

“Jackson and Rachel can you please come and sit on the couch. We need to talk to you about something.”

My stomach was queasy. I didn’t want to have this conversation with them. Nick looked just as bad as I did.

“Mommy and I have something we need to tell you.” Two pairs of big eyes stared at us.

“What is it?” Jackson looked concern. He was afraid of what they would say.

“Daddy and I love both of you both very much. You mean the world to us.”

“Nothing can ever stop us from loving you.”

“Even if I caught the house on fire?” Rachel questioned.

“Yes, even if you caught the house on fire.” Nick answered.

“What we need to tell you has nothing to do with you or how much we love you.”Jackson faced showed it all. He was glaring at both of his parents. He knew what they had to say wasn’t going to be good. He felt himself start to get angry.

“You know how daddy is living at the condo.” The kids nodded their heads. Nick continued. “Umm…daddy is..umm…going to be….living there for good.” He choked on his words. I could see the tears ready to fall. Why was this happening to our family? Why couldn’t we work out our differences?

“Mommy and daddy are getting a divorce. That means that we won’t be married anymore. When a mommy and daddy get divorced they don’t live with each other anymore.” Rachel looked confused. Jackson was ready to cry.

“I hate you both. Daddy this is all your fault. You don’t love mommy. How could you? Mommy you can’t let this happen! I wish you both would go away. I HATE YOU BOTH!!!” Jackson ran out of the room. For a moment Nick and I stared at each other. Neither of us knew who should go comfort Jackson. He was mad at both of us. I don’t think he would talk to either of us.

Kevin walked into the room. “Sorry, I kind of overheard when I came in. Give Jackson some space. Let me go talk to him.” Kevin walked up the stairs.

----------------------------------

Kevin opened the door to Jackson’s room. He was sitting on the floor balling his eyes out. Kevin sat down next to Jackson and held him in his arms.

“Uncle Kev…..why…why….why…don’t….they…love…each…other?” Jackson sobbed the entire time.

“I don’t know Jackson. Your mommy and daddy are going through a rough time at the moment. I know it’s hard for you to see them fighting.”

“I hate it. They used to be so happy. I would see them giggling and joking around, and then it all stopped. They didn’t laugh or have fun.” He wiped his nose on Kevin’s shirt.

“Did you ever talk to your mom or dad about it?”

“No, I was afraid to. Then daddy moved out. He doesn’t want to be with his family. He wants to do things without us.”

“Jacks, I don’t think that’s true. Since, I’ve been visiting you; you have spent a lot of time with your dad.”

“I guess, but I miss spending time with mommy, daddy, and Rachey. We used to have so much fun. Now I can only be with daddy or only with mommy. I don’t like it.”

“I know, but sometimes we have to deal with things we don’t like. That’s what they call it growing up.”

“I’m only seven. I don’t want to grow up.”  Jackson hugged Kevin tightly. It felt good to be with Uncle Kevin.

“None of us want to grow up. Unfortunately we all have to.”

“Uncle Kevin?”

“Yes, Jackson.”

“You and Aunt Nia love each other a lot. I see you both giggling and having fun together. You spend time with Tylie and Spencer. Can’t you teach mommy and daddy how to be a family?”

“Well…” Kevin thought for a moment. “Aunt Nia and I don’t always get along either. We disagree a lot and sometimes even get mad at each other. We aren’t perfect, but we love each other a lot.” It was hard to explain adult relationships with a seven year old. He tried to explain it in kid friendly terms.

“Can I come live with you and Aunt Nia in Kentucky? I don’t want to live here any more.” Jackson’s bottom lip started to quiver and tears poured down his face. Kevin hugged his nephew and said a prayer for him. He could blame Nick for all this, but when it came down to it Ashton was also to blame. It took two people to make a marriage work. All he saw was a lot of fighting and a lack of communication. Kevin could feel Jackson’s body start to relax. He had fallen asleep. Kevin picked Jackson up and laid him on the bed.

My mind was consumed with worry as I waited to see how Jackson was. At that moment I felt like the worst parent in the world. My son hated me and he was only seven. I don’t think I could take much more of this. Nick sat across from me. I had never seen him looking this sad. I knew he was thinking the same thing as me. As much as I hated Nick right now, I understood him more than ever. Nothing can tear you apart as much as your child hating you. I felt helpless.

Kevin walked into the kitchen, not looking very pleased with us.” He sat down at the island. I was about to say something, but the look on his face caused me to stop. He was going to tell us exactly what he thought.

“I want to talk to both of you, and I need you to listen to me. What the hell is wrong with both of you? You think the world revolves around you. Ashton you were raised better than this. Mom and dad would be ashamed.” I sat there with my mouth open. I was shocked at Kevin’s attitude.

“That’s not true, Kevin. We…” Kevin cut Nick off. Nick was getting annoyed with Kevin.

“Shut up Nick and listen to me. Everyone thinks you as the perfect couple with the perfect marriage and perfect family. You are both great actors. You think this divorce only affects you. Your son and daughter are just as much a part of the divorce. They have to listen to you argue. They have to only have one parent at a time. Did either of you think about them? Nick, did you only want the easy way out? ”

“It’s none of your business, Kevin.” Nick was getting pissed. Kevin had no right to butt into his marriage. He didn’t have the right to tell him how to parent.

“It wasn’t my business until your son asked to live with me because he wants a family. He said you used to spend time together. You would laugh and joke around. Apparently you haven’t been a family for a while. I mean all you do is fight about nothing. You get mad at each other and fight. Where’s the communication?”

“I try communicating with Nick, but he doesn’t want to listen. He wants what he wants, and that’s all that matters. Nick doesn’t care about anyone but himself.” Nick shot me a look. I didn’t care though. Nick would just have to get over himself. He wasn’t perfect.

“Ashton, you’re just as much to blame. You don’t communicate either. All I’ve seen you do is blame Nick and get in fights with him. I think you like fighting with him. It’s like a game between you to. You both try to see who can get the last word. You’ve got to stop. You want everyone to think Nick is the bad guy and he’s isn’t. He’s not perfect and neither are you.”

“How dare you, Kevin!” I was furious. I stood up and got ready to leave the room. I was tired of getting lectured by my brother.

“Don’t you dare leave? I’m not finished.” I sat back down. “I suggest you go to counseling together. I doubt you will do it since you’re both so stubborn. Tomorrow I’m leaving to go back to Kentucky. I’m going to take Rachel and Jackson with us.”

“What?” I stared in disbelief.

“I don’t think so.” Nick raised his voice.

“The kids need stability. At the moment neither of you are giving them that.”

“Kevin, you’re saying were bad parents.” Nick and I looked at each other, and I started to cry. He walked over to be and started to rub my back.

“You’re putting words in my mouth. I never said you were bad parents. What I’m trying to say is that both of you are so focused on yourself that it’s not fair for your kids to be around that. You need to work this out together and soon. I’m giving you the opportunity to work on your marriage. I think that would be easier to do that if the kids were not around. I’m not giving you a choice in the matter. They will be staying with me until you figure this out.” Kevin walked out of the kitchen.

“Take charge Kevin is at it again.” Nick was angry. He was angry at himself. He was angry at Ashton. He was angry at Kevin. He was angry at the world.

“Kevin does have a point.” I said quietly.

“You Richardsons are nuts. You all think you are so high and mighty. You all think you can do what you want.” Nick shouted at me.

“This is exactly what Kevin meant. All we do is yell and scream, but nothing changes. We need to start communicating. Whether we are married or divorced, we will still have to communicate. We will be bonded by our children. Don’t we owe it to them to make the situation tolerable?”

“Fine, you win. I don’t get a choice in it.” He threw up his hands in surrender.

“Nick, let’s just try it for the sake of our children. If it doesn’t work, we can go get them in the Kentucky.” I stood next to him. “We’ve got to make this work. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting with you.”

I parked the car in the garage and then unpacked the groceries. I had spent the entire morning running errands and buying groceries. It was the first day I had all to myself.  Quickly, I put the groceries away. Then I started the laundry and cleaned the downstairs. A few hours later, the house was spotless. I decided to relax and read a book. I sat on the loveseat in my bedroom and attempted to read. The house was silent without the house. I couldn’t take it. My mind was full of turmoil. Thoughts of Nick consumed me. I thought I was going crazy thinking about everything that had happened recently. I had enough of my thoughts; I had to do something. I grabbed my cell phone and sat on the bed.

“Hello, Nick. Can we talk?” I whispered into the phone.

“Sure, Ashton. What’s going on?”

“Not much. Just missing the kids.”

“I know how you feel. I can’t believe Kevin took them.”

“Maybe he was right, Nick. We need to work on us, even if it is only to get through this divorce amicably.” Not that I wanted the divorce to happen at all. If it did happen, I wanted a healthy relationship with Nick. It would make things easier, especially on the kids.

“I don’t hate you, Ashton. I do care about you. Do you want to get together and talk?”

“That would be great Nick. Let’s me at the beach in an hour.”

“See ya in an hour.”

------------------------------------

I saw him sitting on the sand, staring at the beach. He had a smile on his face. My heart ached, knowing I hadn’t seen that smile in such a long time. “Hey.” I sat down next to him.

“Hey.” Nick smiled at me.

“When did it all go wrong?” My fingers raked the sand. I looked down because I didn’t want to look his eyes. Those eyes spoke the truth, even when his words were telling me something different.

“Ashton, I don’t want to hurt you, but I’m going to be honest with you from now on. About a year ago, I noticed that life was nothing special anymore. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my kids and would never change that part of my life. My career was going good and I was in a comfortable state of mind with it. I didn’t know what the problem could be. You were busy with your new teaching job. You were as busy as I was. You had the kids and work. We barely had any time with each other. I figured once you got settled in your job things would go back to the way they were. It didn’t change, and eventually I just got used to living that way. It was like we were roommates instead of husband and wife.”

“Why didn’t you come to me about it?” I glanced at him and put my head back down. His honesty was surprising to me. I didn’t know our problems went back that far.

“How would it have looked if I asked you to give up everything for me? I couldn’t do that to you. You never asked me to give up anything. I loved you and supported you in everything you needed to do. I was trying to be the best husband I could be.” 

“I understand that Nick, but that can’t be all of it. Even though things changed, you continued to make love to me. You can’t deny things were good in the bedroom. So, even though I changed in your eyes, you had no problems having sex with me.” Tears silently fell down my cheeks.

“For me, that was the only part of our relationship that seemed normal. It was the only time we spent together alone. I missed going out on dates with you. I missed sitting by the pool just talking and laughing. I missed us.” He brushed a tear off my face. That little touch felt so good. He lifted my chin and placed a kiss on my forehead.

“If you would have told me, I would have changed. Why were you afraid to talk to me? You never had a problem talking to me before.”

“I was a coward. I thought it would solve itself. I was wrong. After a year of that, the love just faded. I wasn’t in love anymore.” He ran his fingers through his hair. God, he was hot when he did that. I missed him and his touch. I wanted to be in his arms again. I want him to make love to me.

“I get it Nick. I’m not happy about it, but it makes a little more sense to me. Do you think you could ever have feelings for me again?” I was asking God for a miracle.

Nick thought about it for a minute. How could he answer without breaking her heart further? “Ashton, I care about you. I always will, but my heart isn’t in it. I’m ready to move on with my life. I’m ready to start dating.”

“What?” I started breathing faster. He wanted to date other women. He crushed my heart again.

“I know you it’s hard to think of me dating, but I’ve been lonely for the last year. We need to move on. I need a fresh start. I think someday you will be ready to move on, too.” I shook my head. At that point I knew I didn’t stand a chance of getting my husband back.

I decided it was time for me to start having some fun. A few of my friends were heading to Orlando to go dancing. I was ready to get Nick Carter off my mind. I was ready to get down and enjoy life.

“Hey Howie!”

“Hello beautiful. You look gorgeous tonight.” I was wearing a short black skirt and a dark green sequin tank top. I had on my favorite four inch black knee high boots. Howie made me feel good. I hadn’t dressed like that in over a year.

“Thanks Howie. You know how to charm a lady.” My friends were drooling over Howie. “You better say hi to all my friends. It will make their night.” I whispered in his ear.

“Who are all these beautiful ladies?”

“We’re Ashton’s friends.” Marla batted her false eyelashes at him. I wanted to laugh.

“Well it was nice meeting all of you. Enjoy the club. Please feel free to use the VIP lounge.” Howie waved goodbye as he walked away.

“It’s nice having connections.” Sage joked.

“He’s known my since I was a geeky teenager.” The girls followed me to the VIP lounge. The waitress took our orders.

“You look smokin’ hot tonight, Ashton.”

“Thanks, Sage. I just want to have some fun tonight.”

“Are you looking for a new man?” Marla asked. I knew she wanted to know what was going with my marriage.

“Hardly. I’m tired of men. I just want to dance and have fun. Anyone want to dance?” Sage followed me to the dance floor.

I started swaying and moving to the beat of some catchy Latin song. It felt good to loosen up. I was getting into the dance, when I felt a guy start gyrating against me. We moved in time to the music. His hands roamed my body as we danced. It sent chills down my spine. The man was so close to me, I could smell his cologne. Mmmm….it smelled heavenly. It smelled like Alex. I turned around and stopped. “Alex, how are you?”

“Wow, Ashton! I didn’t recognize you. You look like sex and innocence. What are you doing here?

“Thanks for the compliment J. A bunch of my girlfriends wanted to go dancing. I decided to have some fun for a change. Is it Backstreet Boy night at Tabu?” He laughed uncomfortably.

“You could say that. Where are you and your friends hanging at?”

“In the VIP lounge. I better get back to them before they send out a search party. Come visit us before you leave.” AJ’s face grew pale.

“I wouldn’t go up there quite yet.” His eyes pleaded.

“Why?”

“Umm…ummm….Nick is up there.”

“So, I won’t start a fight, I promise I’ll behave. I’m only here to have fun.”

I walked up the stairs to the VIP lounge. My friends were sitting at the table talking to some guys. I looked around and was shocked at what I saw. Nick was making out with some redhead in the corner booth. His hands were roaming her body, and she had her hands on his butt. It was like a train wreck, I couldn’t take my eyes off them. I saw enough and started to walk away. I had to get out of the room. I ran downstairs to the bar.

“Hello Ashton, what can I get you?” The bartender asked.

“Two shots of vodka please.”

The waiter gave me my shots. I downed the first one and then the second one. I needed to numb the pain I was feeling. “Two more shots please.”

“You can’t drink the pain away.”

“I certainly can and will.” I swallowed the vodka. My heart ache wasn’t going away.

“He’s not worth it. “

“Ashton did you see you husband in the lounge with that bimbo?” Marla sat down beside me at the bar.

“Yes, I saw the asshole with that skank.” I yelled over the music.

“Ash, calm down and stop yelling. Nick is not worth this. Let’s me take you home.” AJ was afraid of Ashton making a scene.

“Go to hell Alex. I don’t need you babying me.” Howie saw what was going on. He walked over to help AJ.

“Is everything okay Ashton?”

“Everything is peachy Howie. My husband is making out with some skanky chick. Alex won’t let me drink. I hate men.” I was a lightweight when it came to alcohol. I hardly ever drank.

“Why don’t you go sit in the office and cool down. Alex, go talk to Nick.”

“Tell Nick, he’s a pricky asshole. Tell him he’s the best sex I ever had.” I said as Howie led me to his office.

------------------------

Alex walked over to the table where Nick and his date were sitting.

“Alex meet any sexy ladies on the dance floor.”

“Yes, I met one really fly lady, whose name happens to be Ashton Carter.”

“She’s here.” Nick asked in shock.

“Yes, and she saw you two playing tonsil hockey and feeling each other up. Couldn’t you wait until the divorce was final to take it out of your pants?”

“Shut the hell up. I told her I was going to start dating. She even had my permission to date other guys.”

“You’re a jerk. Since when did you become her dad and give her permission to live her life?”

“AJ, you’re out of line. It’s none of your business…Chelsey lets get out of here.” Nick and his date stood up and left.

~Meanwhile in the office ~

“I think I’m a little drunk, Howwwwwiiiieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.” I burst into a fit of giggles.

“Ashton drink your water.”

“But, Howie...I’m not thirsty.” I sang. “I want to dance.”

I could hear the music blaring in the club. I got up and started to dance. After a few moments I lost my balance and fell to the floor. Then I started to cry. I couldn’t stop. Howie sat down on the floor next to me and wrapped his arms around me.

Sunlight lit up the whole room. I thought I was dying. My eyes were hurting from the brightness of the sun shining in the room. My body ached and my clothes were too tight. My head was pounding. I slowly opened my eyes. The room didn’t look familiar to me. Where the hell was I? I stood up and found the door. Quietly I snuck out.

“Good morning sunshine!” Howie greeted me in the hallway.

“You’re too loud and too perky. Why am I at your house?”

“Let’s go get some coffee and I will tell you.” I followed Howie to the kitchen. He whistled a happy tune all the way down the stairs. I wanted to kill him. I must have had one to many drinks last night. I didn’t even want to think about it.

“Good morning.” Jordan, Howie’s wife was doing the dishes.

“Hey.” Howie poured himself a cup of coffee and made me some tea.

“Do you remember anything about last night?”

“I know that Nick’s was making out with some chick. I had a few shots.”

“You ended up drunk. I wouldn’t let you go home. There was no way; you should have been home alone. You kind of broke down.” I was so embarrassed. Why did I let myself get out of control?

“Howie I hope you don’t think bad of me.”

“Ashton, you’re my little sister. You’re going through a bad time. Give Nick some time. He’ll realize that he made a mistake.”

“I’ve known Nick for a long time and this is out of character for him. I think the dye went to his brain.” Jordan said and gave me a hug.

“Does Nick know that you aren’t supporting his action?”

“Nick has been staying away from the people who are close to you. He knows we all think he’s making a mistake.”

-------------------------------------

Nick was flipping through the television channels. Nothing was on, but his mind wasn’t on TV anyway. He couldn’t help thinking about last night at Tabu. He didn’t expect his wife to be at the nightclub. He didn’t actually see her at Tabu. He guessed that was a good thing.  This wasn’t his first date with Chelsey. They had met through a mutual friend and had gone out the week before. Chelsey was nice, but he knew she wasn’t girlfriend material. After they left Tabu, he brought Chelsey back to the condo. The sex was good, but nothing incredible. Not like it had been with Ashton. He was getting depressed by the whole situation. He needed to take his mind off of his life. He decided to call Brian.

“Hello, Frack.”

“Hey, B’rok. How’s Atlanta?”

“Hot. I’ve been busy with the girls. Karah and Tarah are playing softball this summer. I’ve been watching them play. Sarah is taking golf lessons. She’s getting good. I think she could beat you.”

“Ha ha ha, Bri. You are so funny.” I didn’t think a ten year old could beat me at golf. At least I hoped not. “You talk to any of the other guys lately”

“I talked to Kevin yesterday. Jackson and Rachey are doing well. Jackson’s being helping Kevin with the horses. Rachel’s been swimming and visiting with my mom.”

“Oh. I’m glad the kids are having fun. I miss them.”

“I know Nick. It’s got to be hard. The sooner you work things out with Ashy, the sooner your kids will be home. Have you tried working it out?”

“Kind of. Ashton and I met last week to talk. It was awkward. I started dating again.” My stomach started to growl. So I walked into the kitchen to make something to eat.

“You are? Don’t you think it’s too early to start dating? You aren’t even divorced.”

“No I don’t. I’m ready to be with someone else.”

“Who is she?”

“Chelsey.”

“Chelsey Newport?” Brian groaned.

“Yes, what’s wrong with that?” I took fruit out of the fridge.

Nothing Nick, but she’s not your type.”

“What’s my type?” Nick asked curiously.

“Smart, caring, down to earth. A woman that is pretty but not slutty. Someone named Ashton.” He had to throw that last comment out.

“I wouldn’t go there. Ashton isn’t that sweet and innocent. I heard she looked pretty slutty last night at the club. Alex didn’t even recognize her last night and was grinding all over her.”

“Nick, are you jealous? I’m sure she looked hot, not slutty. You sound pretty upset about it. You’re dating Chesley and getting a divorce. I don’t think you should be worrying about Ashton’s clothing.” Brian was getting annoyed by Nick’s comments. He was being a jerk.

“I’m not jealous at all. I didn’t even see her last night.”

“What were you busy doing?”

“It was more like who I was busy with.” Nick snickered.

“Eww….tell me, you did not do the nasty with Chelsey.

“Fine. Brian, I didn’t do the nasty with Chesley.”

“You are a sick and twisted man. I’m going to keep my mouth shut. I really don’t agree with the situation you made Nick. You’re my best friend, but Ashton’s my cousin. I can’t and won’t take sides, but it’s getting really hard not to.” As Brian continued to yammer, Nick heard his phone beep. He had a text message and chose to ignore it.

“If that’s how it is Bri, I understand. Your cousin means the world to you. I know that I have been an ass to her these last few months. I’m trying to make things better, but our marriage is over. I’m moving on. I’m going to try to not talk about it with you. I don’t want to put you in a tough spot.” His phone beeped again with another text message. He assumed it was Chesley and ignored it. “I got to go. Talk to you soon.” Nick placed his phone on the counter and walked out of the room.

His phone beeped again. What was wrong with Chelsey? She was getting annoying. It beeped again. Nick got annoyed and grabbed his phone. He looked at his message and it read HELP ME!!!!!!!. It was from Ashton. He looked at the rest of the text messages. All of them were from her. Nick started to panic. He quickly started typing a message back to her.

I lay on the floor near the bottom step. My body was full of excruciating pain. I was waiting for a phone call or text message from Nick. Tears were falling from my eyes. Why wasn’t he answering his damn phone? Just then I heard my phone beep. Slowly I picked up my phone with my left hand. Finally, Nick responded to my texts.

What’s wrong?

I dialed his number. He answered on the first ring. “Ashton, what the hell is going on?”

“Nick, I tripped down the stairs. I think…I…broke my arm…and my ankle. Can….you…take me…to the…hos...hospital?” I started to feel woozy.

“I’ll be over in a few minutes.” He hung up and rushed to my house.

 I couldn’t keep my eyes open. The pain was dreadful. Giving birth wasn’t this bad. I could feel my ankle start to swell. It seemed like hours past, and Nick still wasn’t here. What was taking so long? Maybe he wasn’t coming. Maybe he was with his new girl and had to wait until she left. Maybe Nick was going to let me die on the floor, so he could save money by not having to pay for a divorce and child support. I started feeling dizzy and the ceiling was spinning. I felt like I was riding the teacups at Disney. After what seemed like a decade, I heard the front door open. My angel had arrived.

“Oh my god, Ashton! What happened?”

“The stupid cat was on the stairs. He wouldn’t move, and I tripped over him. Nick, I just want to go to the hospital.” He bent down next to me. His face only inches from mine.

“Why didn’t you call the ambulance?”

“I’m a little loopy because of the pain. You were the first person I could think of. I’m sorry if I interrupted you. I’m sure you were busy with you new lady friend. I’ll call the ambulance, and you can get on with you life.”

Nick looked at me. He gently played with my hair. “You didn’t interrupt me. I just got off the phone with Brian. I’m going to slowly lift you up and carry you to the Land Rover.”

He carefully picked up. My right arm and left ankle were throbbing with pain. I cried as he carried me to the SUV. I rested my head on his shoulder.”It will be ok, honey. You’ll be feeling good with all those pain pills in your system.” Nick joked with me. I smiled as he helped me into the car.

-----------------------------------------------

“Ashton, you really did a number on yourself. You’re going to have your arm in a cast for the next six weeks. You can’t get your cast wet. You can either wrap it in a plastic bag or your husband can help you bathe.” I rolled my eyes at the doctor. “You ankle is also broken. Do not put any pressure on it for 3 three weeks. After that, I’ll check it and see how it is healing. Then we can determine if you can put pressure on it.”

“Thank you Dr. Collins. So, basically I’m going to need someone helping me with everything.”

“That would be correct. Here is a prescription for vicodin. You are free to go.” Nick chose that minute to come back into the room. He had been extremely attentive in the emergency room. We talked like civilized adults. He even bought me a cat stuffed animal. He thought it was funny because our stupid cat caused this problem.

“Nick, we can leave now.” He pushed the wheelchair out of the hospital and helped me into the car. “Umm…Nick. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure Ashton.” Nick pulled out of the hospital.

“What are you doing for the next three weeks?”

“Nothing. Why?”

“Do you think you could stay with me? I can’t do anything with these broken bones. The doctor said I even need help getting bathed.”

“I don’t know if that is sure a good idea.” The SUV got quiet. I was hurt and shocked by his response. He wouldn’t even help me when I was injured. What kind of man was Nick?

“The house has stairs. That would never work for you Ashton. You can stay at the condo with me. I will help you with everything, including your baths.” He wiggled his eyes at me. I rolled my eyes.

“Nick, I don’t know.”

“Ashton, you can’t walk. You can’t use your arm. If you want me to help, let me help. I don’t want to be running up and down the stairs all day long. I would rather you come to the condo. I have an extra bedroom you can stay in.”

I didn’t have any other options at this point. “Fine, Nick. I’m sorry for having to impose on you and your new life. I appreciate you helping me.” I looked out the window as we pulled up to his condo.

“Ashton, don’t worry about it. You would help me, if I was in the same situation. Let’s get you settled in. Then I will go back to the house and get anything you need.”

-------------------------------------

Nick was getting ready to go over to the house. I was finishing writing my list. Nick walked into the room. “After I get your stuff, I’m going to pick up some dinner. Do you want Chinese or pizza?”

“Get Chinese. Here’s my list. If you have any questions, please call.” He looked at the list and his eyes grew.

“How much stuff do you need?”

“All of it. If not, I will be a miserable patient.” I smiled at him. He laughed.

“Well I’ll be back in about three days.” Nick joked.

“I didn’t ask for that much stuff. Thanks Nick. This means a lot to me.” He kissed my cheek and left the room.

Nick looked at the list Ashton had given him. Women certainly needed a lot of things. He knew it was going to take a while to find everything. She wanted make-up, comfortable clothes, body wash, perfume, deodorant, lotion, books, journal, shower cap, and the list went on. Nick went in the master suite. Oh, the memories he had from this room. Nick loved making love to his wife. It put a smile on his face.  He went into her walk-in closet. He looked for some comfortable clothes. He found her favorite sweats and t-shirts and put them in her suitcase. Then he found her bras and panties.

“Mmmm…those are new.” He smiled as he talked to himself. He was holding a brand new red lacy bra and thong set. It made him hot just visualizing her in that. Shit, he had to stop. They were getting divorced. He wasn’t in love with her anymore. Nick couldn’t deny that she still could turn on his libido. She was amazing in bed. He wanted her so bad. Especially after the lackluster sex he had with Chelsey.

Nick walked into the bathroom.  He packed her toiletries and found everything but the shower cap. He started opening the cabinet by the sink. He found the shower cap and a long black box with his name on it. Curiosity got the best of him. He needed to see what was inside the box.

He picked it up and took off the lid. Inside was a folded up piece paper. Nick knew he shouldn’t open it, but his heart was telling him to. Carefully he unfolded the paper. It was a letter.

Dearest Nickolas,

Can you believe it? We’ve been married for eight years. My love has grown stronger with every passing day. You are my everything. Without you I’m a lost soul. Nick, you’ll never understand what your love has done for me. I can’t wait to grow old with you. I know that lately, I haven’t been the best wife. I’m trying Nick, and my love for you is a strong as ever. You might be wondering why I am writing you this letter. I guess you have to read on, to find out. LOL…I can never make it easy for you.

There are some things I can’t tell you face to face. It would hurt me and you both. Don’t freak out Nick…I know what you’re thinking. It’s nothing really bad, it’s just life. Remember a few months ago when we made love on the beach. (One of the best night of my life, by the way.) We talked about the next five years of our marriage. We both wanted more kids running around the house. It was a dream for both of us. Well, here is where our dream got shattered. I had a gynecologist appointment.  After running some tests, the doctor told me the unthinkable. I wasn’t going to be able to have any more children. My heart broke, but I had to be strong. What made it worse was that, my periods were so bad, he put me on the pill. Sorry, Nick…I know that is to much TMI for you.

Being the great husband you are, you never pressured me about getting pregnant. I continued taking the pill without telling you. I’m sorry. I didn’t like being dishonest, but I was afraid to tell you this one thing. That is when I started to distance myself from you. We still made love, but not as often. I made sure that I was busy with work and the kids so we didn’t have time to talk. I regret what I did.  Everyone is blaming the divorce on you, but it’s my fault. I deserve you falling out of love with me. You deserve a better wife. I’m a liar and it wasn’t fair to you. I hate that I was deceitful. That isn’t what a marriage should be based on.  

I will always love you, and I’m not quoting that dumb Whitney Houston song. I am agreeing to the divorce. You deserve better than me. You will find a signed copy in this box. I am sorry that I have caused so much pain and misery. I’m letting you go, fly away.

Love,

Ashton

The paper fell out of Nick’s hand. Tears streamed down his face. He didn’t know whether to be sad or angry with me.  Nick was hurt, but he was shaken by what his wife went through. How could she live with those secrets?  Why couldn’t she just have told him the truth? He loved her so much that he would have accepted her not being able to have more kids. Adoption was always and option. As stood up, he realized his was pissed.  What was she thinking?   She caused all this destruction to their marriage and acted as if it were all his fault.  She purposely pulled away. She made him fall out of love with her, and then acted like he was the bad guy.

What was he going to do? She lied to him. He lied to her. Nick still loved her more than life itself. He was going to work this out. It was going to be a long three weeks.

Nick continued finding all of Ashton’s stuff. He knew she was in no condition to talk tonight, but come tomorrow it was going to be out in the open.

Nick went to check on Ashton. I was sleeping. Nick thought she looked like an angel. He placed her suitcase and bag on the floor. He watched her sleep.

“Ashton, I still love you.” He placed a kiss on her cheek and walked out of the room.

He needed to call Kevin and let him know what was going on. “Hello, can I talk to Kevin?”

“Sure Uncle Nick.”

“Hey Nick. How’s it going?”

“I’m just calling to let you know that Ashton broke her arm and ankle this afternoon.”

“What happened?” He asked concerned about his little sister.

“She tripped over the cat and fell down the stairs.”

“Is she okay? Where is she now?”

“She’s staying at the condo. Since she’s incapacitated at the moment, I offered to help her. She isn’t allowed to put any pressure on her ankle and her arm is in a cast. She can’t do anything.”

“Nick thanks for helping her. You still love her, don’t you?”

“Kev, I’m not going there with you. Some things have changed between us, and I don’t know how things are going to turn out until we discuss it. I’m not promising anything either way. Well, I’m going to check on her. Talk to you later.”

---------------------------------------------------------------------

~ The Next Day ~

I sat in bed bored; nothing was on television. Nick was in his office doing some work. He was very helpful, but something was different about him. He wasn’t his usual jokey, fun-loving self. I was still in a lot of pain from my injuries. “Nick, can you come here?” I yelled.

A few moments later, he popped his head in my room. “Yes.” He smiled at me.

“Can you help me get a bath? I feel kind of gross from yesterday.”

“Sure, I’m thinking a sponge bath might work better, so you don’t have to get out of bed. Let me get it ready for you.”

I waited as I heard Nick in the bathroom getting things ready. I was nervous. Nick hadn’t seen me naked in a while. I couldn’t believe fate would do this to me. Having my soon to be ex-husband giving me a sponge bath was not what I had planned.

Nick came walking in with a small bucket of water, my body wash, and shower pouf. He set is on the nightstand and smiled at me. “Nick, this is not funny.” I complained.

“I can’t help it. I’m a lucky man to be giving you a sponge bath.” I rolled my eyes, lost at what to say. “I’m going to carefully move your arm and remove your shirt.”

I sat there as he gently removed my shirt. I was sitting there in sweats and a purple satin bra. He smiled his trademark smirk. I watched as he looked at my upper body. He seemed to be enjoying himself. “Sit up Ash. I need to unhook your bra.”

“This is sooo embarrassing.” I uttered.

“Why?” He looked at me and started to unhook my bra.

“I feel like I’m in high school and having sex for the first time.” I blushed. It’s not like this was anything new to him, but it was awkward.

“I remember the day you lost your virginity.” I looked at him and groaned. He laughed. Nick’s libido had never been tame. He could do it any where and all the time. He was a horny man.

Nick placed my bra on the bed. He got the shower pouf and placed it in the warm water. Gently he rubbed it over my shoulders and moved his way to my chest. He looked up at me. Desire was written all over his face. He dropped the pouf on the floor and placed feather like kisses all over my chest and face. It felt incredible. I missed his touch. His lips met with mine, and we started to kiss. I gently placed my tongue in his mouth and his had grazed my breast. Our tongues dueled and the passion grew. I don’t know who broke away first, but our eyes locked with each other.

Quickly, Nick picked up the pouf and continued giving me my sponge bath. The silence in the room was deafening.

“Sit back up. Now that you’re clean and dry, I’m going to put a new shirt on you.” I nodded my head and let him help me get dress.

“Thank you Nick.”

“You’re welcome. I found the letter.”

“I wanted you to find it. That’s why I put the shower cap on the list.”

“It has me confused and upset.” He sat down next to me. “Why?”

“There shouldn’t be a why. The letter explains everything. I was dishonest with you. You have the divorce papers now. Send them to your lawyer and move on.”

“It still doesn’t answer the question, Ashton.”

“You want to know why. Fine, I was stupid. I couldn’t give you the one thing you wanted.”

“Ashton that is a lie. Having kids wasn’t the only thing I needed in our marriage. I was fine with having the two children we have. I would have been fine with adopting. We could have gotten a dog. You yell about me and how I acted, but you were deceitful. You purposely lied to me and pushed me away.”

“I didn’t mean to.”

“Well, it worked. You pushed me right out of your life. Now I’m stuck in this condo missing out on seeing my kids everyday.” His hands played with the comforter.

“You are the one who fell out of love. You didn’t think our marriage was worth it.”

“I still love you.  You are the one who kept a huge secret from me, ignored me for months, and pushed me away. Do you know how that makes me feel?” I shook my head afraid to think. Nick was right for once, it was my fault.

“Nick, I can’t begin to understand you anymore. I was dumb and stupid. I was irrational. But now you’re all over me one minute, then you’re yelling at me and telling me you love me. I personally can’t stand this double personality. You need to make up your mind.”

“We’re going to play by my rules from now on. You will be spending the next three weeks with me. I will decide then about the divorce. I’m going to forget that anything in the last year has happened. You never hid any secrets or lied to me. I never fell out of love with you. We are going to get to know each other again. Starting now, we just met.” He said confidently. “Hello, I’m Nick Carter.”

I had no choice than to play his idiotic game. “Hello. I’m Ashton Richardson. I guess you’re that prick from the Backstreet Boys.” I smirked at him.

Day two had just begun. I was afraid to see the new Nick. I couldn’t believe he wanted to start over. Was I happy? Sure. Was I annoyed? Definitely. Was I more confused than ever? No doubt about it. I don’t understand how Nick could be so forgiving after what I did.

Nick walked in the bedroom carry a tray with breakfast. Mmmmm…breakfast in bed. He was really going the extra mile. He placed the tray on my lap. He had made me scrambled eggs, sausage, fresh berries, orange juice and tea. He even added a bouquet of flowers. I was touched.

“Good morning, Ashton. Nurse Nicky is here with your breakfast.”

“Thank you, Nurse Nicky.” I chuckled.

“How are you feeling?” He sat down on the bed next to me.

“It still hurts. I feel helpless.” I started eating. “Mmmm…Nick this food is delicious. I never knew you could cook.”

“Thank you. I’ve cooked a time or two. I talked to Jacks and Rachey this morning. Jacks is becoming a horse expert. Kevin says he spends all day in the barn.”

“That boy is not related to me.”

“You are the only person I know from Kentucky that doesn’t like horses.”

“I just don’t like them. How’s Rachey?”

“She’s having a blast. She went shopping with your mom and Aunt Jackie.”

“I bet. That girl loves to shop. What are your plans for today?”

“Taking care of you.” He stole one of my berries and popped it into his mouth.

“Nick you don’t have to attend to my every need. If you have to go somewhere, please go.”

“Nurse Nicky is at your service. I don’t think you’re able to do anything at the moment. If I left, how would you go to the bathroom?” I realized he was right, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of being right.

“Okay. So, Nurse Nicky are you sure you’re a nurse?” I teased.

“I certainly am. I will take care of your every need.” He looked me directly in the eye. At the point I only had one need, but I don’t think he was going to fulfill it.

“Really, every need?” My heart quickened and my pulse raced.

“All in time. All in time.” Nick gave me a quick peck on the lips. He took the tray off my lap and placed it on the nightstand. “We’re going to play a game.”

“Okay.”

“It was your favorite back when we first met. Here is your paper. You need to write 10 questions you want to ask. Then put them in the basket.”  

Questions was my favorite game. AJ, Nick, and I would play it as teenagers. During this game I learned a lot of things about those two guys. It took me a few minutes to think about the questions I wanted to ask. All questions were fair game. I finished writing my questions and placed them in the basket. Nick’s were already there.

“You go first Ashton.” Always a gentleman, that Nick Carter was. I picked a question from the basket.

“Who’s your favorite Backstreet Boy? Hmmm…that’s hard. Not really sure I have a favorite. Maybe Howie or maybe AJ. Brian’s voice is beautiful. I think it would be Nick.” I tortured Nick. He stuck his tongue out at me.

“What are you hobbies? I like to sing, go to the beach, play with my adorable kids, and kiss my wife.” He placed his lips on mine. Before I knew it he was sucking gently on my bottom lip. I didn’t know where I was. He had me in a trance. I moaned. He went back to kissing me. Then he backed away. “Your turn.”

“What was the best day of your life? The best day of my life was the day after I came home when Rachel was born.”

“Why that day?”

“I remember lying in bed with you, Jackson, and Rachel. We were all cuddling. I had Rachey in my arms. Jackson was in the middle of us, and he was leaning against you. I felt safe and loved. It was perfect.”

Nick picked up his next questions. He studied it carefully. “What do you love about your spouse?  I love her kindness. I love how she sticks up for what she believes in. I love that she’s feisty and doesn’t take my crap. I love that she’s a great mom. I think she’s the most gorgeous woman I know. I love her kisses. I love her even when she’s a pain and is mad at me. I love her because she loves me. I love her because she loves me for me. I love her because she is who she is.”

He looked me in the eye the entire time he answered the question. My heart melted. Maybe everything was going to work out. I wasn’t about to get my hopes up this was only the second day we were together. I picked my next question.

“Who would you rather fight in a wrestling match: Kevin or Alex? I would pick Alex. I would flirt with him and then knock him down.”

“Ooh, it’s the last question. When did you fall in the love with your partner?” Nick stopped to think. Curiosity was getting the best of me. I was trying to guess what he was going to say.

“Come on, Nick. It can’t be that hard.”

“The first time I met you.”

“What? You were so rude to me. Kevin had to stop me from smacking you. Plus, I was such a dork back then. I wasn’t even pretty.”

“I was thirteen and didn’t know anything about girls. I thought you were annoying. All the other guys thought you were so cool, and I just didn’t get it. Afterwards I couldn’t stop thinking about you. I didn’t know why, but you were always in my head.”

This time I started kissing Nick. His hands were in my hair. I sucked on his bottom lip, and then continued to kiss him. With each kiss, the intensity grew stronger. I wanted him more than ever. Nick moved in closer. His lips trailed down my neck. Our desire was the only thing our minds and bodies could comprehend. It felt good to be intimate with my husband.

I woke up more relaxed then I had ever felt in the last year. Nick was softly snoring beside me. He looked sexy. I glanced at the clock. It was two o’clock in the afternoon. We had made love twice and then cuddled. It was like nothing had changed between us. It was too perfect. I should enjoy the moment, but I knew that it probably wouldn’t last. Nick pretended to forgive and forget, but I’m not that type of person. I couldn’t pretend that the last year didn’t happen. I will remember. My kids will remember.  It would be the one thing always stuck in the back of our minds when things went wrong. If we wanted our marriage to work, we need to talk about it and then move on.

I felt the bed move. Nick turned onto his side and looked at me. “Wow! That was a great morning.” He ran his finger down my cast. I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder.

“Nick, it hasn’t been like this for a while. It felt good.”  I whispered quietly.

“We need to do this more often.” He trailed kisses down my neck to my cast. It felt so right. I loved him with all my heart.

“Mmmmm….Nick. Stop.” He looked at me and stopped.

“What is it?”

“I know you want to forgive and forget, but I can’t. We really need to talk about what happened this last year. I need closure before I move on.”

Nick sat up in bed and gave me a pointed look. I had clearly said the wrong thing. “Do we have to do this now? I just made love to the woman I love. Now you want me to discuss an unpleasant situation. Can’t it wait until later?” He kissed my cheek.

“Nick, stop avoiding the issue. The sooner we talk about it the sooner we can have a better marriage. We can’t pretend it never happened. It did. How are we going to get past it?”

“Fine…let’s talk. It pissed me off that you couldn’t tell me the truth. You’ve always claimed to be the self-righteous one, but yet you lied to me about something that important. It makes me wonder what else you have lied about.”

“I’ve never once claimed to be self-righteous. That’s you’re thinking. I’ve never lied to you in all my life, Nick. I didn’t lie to you this time, Nick. I just didn’t tell you. I kept that secret to myself. I was afraid.”

“What were you afraid of? I thought we talked about everything.” He sighed in frustration.

“I was afraid you would leave me and find another woman to have babies with. I was afraid you would forget about Jackson and Rachel.”

“What kind of man do you think I am? I would never leave you. I take my marriage vows seriously. It makes me mad thinking I would forget my children. Do you even know me?”

“Nick, I wasn’t thinking. My world was shattered, and I acted irrationally. I know it was wrong, but I can’t go back and change it.” I tried to get out of bed.

“Ashton, you can’t get out of bed. Let’s just calm down and continue talking. This was your idea and you’re running away.”

“Fine Nick. What made you decide to leave me?”

“Ashton you made it easy. You withdrew from me. You spent all your time working or with the kids. We never spent any time together. I was lonely.”

“That’s not true, Nick. We did spend time together.” I raised my voice. I was getting annoyed.

“When?  Oh, yes I remember now. We spent time in the same bed sleeping. We ate meals together where all the talking consisted of our jobs and kids. We never had us time. Someone was always in the room. The few times I had you alone, we barely said one word to each other.”

“But yet we continued to make love. Was that so you could get your release?” I spat at him. He was acting like it was my fault. It takes two to make a marriage work.

“God, Ashton. It was never like that. I cherished those few times we made love. That was the only time I felt close to you.” Nick got out of bed and put his boxers on.

“Oh.”

“Yeah Ashton, I tried to be close with you as much as possible. You pushed me away and you didn’t even realize it. You made me feel worthless. Then when I read that letter, I felt bad for you, but I felt bad for myself. What did I do so bad that my wife would start lying to me? I felt worthless all over again. I love you a lot Ashton. At the moment I don’t like you too much. Sometimes I think we aren’t meant to be together, but I love you too much to ever leave.” Nick walked to the door.

“So, you’re going to walk away. That’s typical.”

“Ashton, I don’t want to say anything I might regret. I think it might be better if we both cool down and discuss this again at a later point. You need your rest. I need a shower.” He slowly left he room.

I picked up a book and threw it at the door. My marriage was still falling apart. Could we make it through?

The afternoon was long and boring. I sat in bed and stared at the ceiling. That evening I was still annoyed with Nick. It seemed like we were getting nowhere with our talks. Was it always going to be like this? Was it going to drag our marriage down further? My phone pulled me out of my depressing thoughts.

“Hello!”

“Hey girlfriend. I saw what happened to you on Facebook. Are you ok?”

“Sage thanks for checking up on me. I feel stupid. I’m stuck in bed and can’t do anything. I’m staying at Nick’s condo.”

“I’m sure you could find something to do in bed, especially with that hot husband of yours.” Sage giggled.

“Don’t go there, please.” I groaned.

“So, was it just as good as before? I know it’s been about month since you were last with him.”

“It was awesome. It’s always been great, but this morning was the best in almost a year. I felt that connection I haven’t felt for a long time. We made love twice in a row. We haven’t done that since Rachel’s been born.”

“Aww! You sound so happy. Have you gotten over him dating Chesley Newport? That girl is a skank.”

“Well…we haven’t even talked about that issue. Nick and I are slowly talking things over.”

“Do you think they slept together?” Sage questioned me. I hope and prayed they didn’t.

“I’m not sure. It would hurt me if he did. It would almost be like he cheated on me.” It was another thing I would have to confront him about. I don’t think he will be happy about me asking about Chelsey, but I had to know. I wanted everything out in the open.

“I bet. If Marc ever cheated on me, I would kick his ass.”

“I bet you would. There’s more to this situation than what everyone knows. I’m not going into details because it’s between Nick and me. We’re being honest with each other.”

I’m glad to hear that. You two are perfect for each other. I remember the first time you went out with him. Before that you hated him with the passion.”

“Umm..don’t forget he hated me, too. I’ll never know how we worked our way toward love.” I laughed. I thought about my journey with Nick. It was an interesting journey.

“AJ and I tried getting you together for the longest time. That’s why every dare we gave you dealt with Nick.”

“You are such a loser. You two made us kiss and make out more times than not. Every time you put us in the closest to make out, we never did.” I let that secret out of the bag.

“What?!”

“Nick thought he would get a disease from me. I didn’t want to kiss him, so we would sit there in silence for a few minutes. Then we would rumple ourselves up so it looked like we made out. We fooled all of you.” I burst into giggles.

--------------------------------------------------

“Ashton, I just wanted to say goodnight.” Nick poked his head around the door.

“Nick can we talk for a few minutes?” He walked in and sat on the chair in the corner of the room.

“What’s up?”

“Do you remember the night at the club?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“What happened with Chelsey?”

Nick put his head in his hands. How was he going to explain this to his wife? It regretted the few times he spent with Chelsey. He wanted to forget about it. “What do you mean?”

“Did anything happen between the two of you?”

“Yes, I slept with her.” He had to be honest with her, even though he knew it would upset her.

“Nick, that’s like cheating. What in the hell possessed you to sleep with her?” Tears ran down my face. I couldn’t even look at me.

“I didn’t think we would get back together. It didn’t happen until after I filed for the divorce.”

“Nick, you sleeping with Chelsey hurts me more than anything else. I feel betrayed.”

“Get off it, Ashton. We were separated, with a divorce pending. You pushed me away.” He raised his voice at me.

“A few weeks before that you were sleeping with me!! How many other women have you slept with?” I yelled back at him.

“There was never anyone else. I made a mistake and slept with her two times. I’m human, and I do stupid things.” He sat on the bed next to me. “I felt guilty afterwards. It was meaningless. It was nothing like making love to you.”

“Of course not, Nick. We love each other. You just wanted your release when you slept with her. There’s a difference.”

“I agree there is a difference. I have a question for you. How do you know the difference?” He smirked at me.

“Well just because you’re the only man I’ve ever been with, doesn’t mean I’m stupid about sexual relationships. I have more than enough friends who kiss and tell.” I snipped at him.

“You sure are feisty tonight.” He placed a loose strand of hair behind my ear.”

“I think you like that I’ve only been with you.” I remarked back slight embarrassed. You would think at my age it wouldn’t bother me anymore, but sometimes it did. In this day and age not many women I knew only slept with one man.

“It turns me on.” He licked my neck up to my ear. I moaned. Our mouths met. I deepened the kiss.

“Ashton, what do you think the doctor’s going to say?” Nick asked me, while flipping through a magazine. We were sitting in the waiting room.

“I hope he says I can start putting some weight on this foot. I’m tired of being in bed.”

“I kinda of like having you in bed.” Nick smiled at me. He did have a point. It has been any enjoyable three weeks with him. There wasn’t a day that went by when we weren’t making love. We were like horny teenagers.

“Mmm. Me, too. We had a lot of fun. Can we go to Burger King when we’re done?”

“I thought you didn’t like Burger King?” He looked at me funny.

“I don’t, but I’m craving a Whopper.”

Before Nick could say anything, the nurse called me in. Nick carried me into the room.

“Good morning, Ashton.” Dr. Mitchell started looking at my foot. “It’s healing nicely. I think you can start putting my weight on it.”

“Thank goodness. I’m tired of staying in bed.” I laughed.

“Now you can’t go running marathons, but with crutches you can start walking around the house. Nick your still going to have to help her. Now let’s have a look at your arm.”  The doctor looked at my arm carefully.  “Your arm is healing nicely. I think in about three more weeks your cast will be off. Just take it slowly for the next few weeks. Make another appointment before you leave.”

“Thanks Dr. Mitchell.” Nick started helping me stand up. Whoa! I felt like I was going to puke. Nick noticed the sick look on my face.

“Are you okay?” I nodded my head. I couldn’t talk or I knew I would puke. Moments later the feeling passed.

“I’m fine, Nick. I just felt queasy. I think it’s from moving around. My body isn’t use to that anymore.” I smiled at him.

“Okay. I just worry about you.”

“I’m fine. Let’s go eat, I’m starving.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

It felt great being able to move on my own. I didn’t have to stay in bed. Nurse Nicky was getting a break. He had to be happy to not have to carrying me around anymore.

“Arizona, you’re ring is beautiful.” I admired her engagement ring.

“Thanks. I can’t believe Alex proposed.” She was beaming. Arizona was a sweetheart. Alex had found the perfect woman for him. They were meant for each other.

“Things seem to be going well with Nick. You both look like you’re glowing.”

“That would be from all the sex.” Nick sat down next to me. I smacked him in the arm.

“Aww…you two are soooo cute.” Alex pinched Nick’s cheek. Nick swatted him playfully.

“Nick, be nice. Have you set a date for the wedding?”

“Not yet. We’re just enjoying being engaged.”

My stomach started to churn. I wanted to get up and run to the bathroom, but I couldn’t move that fast. I sat there praying it would go away.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah. I’m fine Alex. My lunch isn’t agreeing with me.”  I stood up slowly, grabbed my crutches and slowly walked to the bathroom.

I was sweating. I grabbed a rag and placed it under the faucet. I put the cold wet rag on my face. The coolness calmed me down. I think I was coming down an infection. I grabbed the thermometer and placed it in my mouth. One minute later, my temperature was normal. My stomach was still churning. I felt horrible. I must have caught something at the doctor’s office.

Slowly I walked into the kitchen. I opened the refrigerator and found some ginger ale. As I was pouring it, Nick walked in.

“Ashton, are you feeling ok?”

“Not really. My stomach is queasy again. I think I caught something at the doctor’s office.” I sipped the ginger ale. “Did Arizona and Alex leave?”

“Yeah, they were on their way to meet her parents for dinner. Why don’t you go lay down?”

“I’m so tired of being in bed.”

“Let’s watch movies and cuddle on the couch.”

“That sounds great.” I kissed him on the cheek. Slowly we made our way into the living room.

I didn’t see much of the movie. I had gotten so comfortable cuddling, I fell asleep. I woke up as Nick was playing with my hair. “You sleep well?”

“Yeah. I feel so safe when I’m next to you Nick.”

“I’m glad. These last three weeks have been great. It’s not just about the great sex. I’m glad we’ve had time to work on our problems.”

“I agree. We both acted immaturely. I apologize for making you think it was your fault. It wasn’t. I was wrong, and I feel like I wasted so much time being stupid. I’m ready to move forward with our marriage.” I looked him in the eyes.

“I’m sorry I left you and slept with Chelsey. I never wanted to hurt you in that way. I was just at stupid made mistakes. I’m ready to move forward, also.” He pressed his lips to mine. We sat on the couch making out like teenagers. Nick started unbuttoning my jeans. I stopped him.

“Not tonight Nick. I’m tired.”

“Okay. Are you still feeling sick?”

“I’m not nauseous anymore, but I’m sleepy. Let’s go to bed and you can hold me tight.”

“That sounds great.” He scooped me up into his arms and carried me to his master bedroom. I had not been in this room yet. He laid me on the king size bed, took his clothes off and laid next to me. Within minutes I was off in a land of peaceful dreams.

I woke up feeling very nauseous. I sat up in bed and my stomach felt even worse. “Nick, wake up. I need a trash can.”

He jumped up and ran into the bathroom. He quickly brought me in the trash can. As he was handing it to me, I puked all over his hands. I looked up at him and started to cry. I saw him leave the room. I knew he was grossed out and ticked. I was sobbing and could hardly breathe.

“Breathe, Ashton calm down.” Nick sat beside me and wrapped me in his arms. “Shh, don’t cry. It’s okay.”

“I thought you hated me.” I cried. “I didn’t mean to throw up on you.”

“Shh…I could never hate you. I had to wash my hands before I comforted you. We would have both been sick if I didn’t.” Nick rubbed my back.

“I don’t feel good. I’m so tired and queasy.”

“Is anything else bothering you?”

“Not really. I hate being sick.”

“I know baby. I’m worried about you. You haven’t felt good for the last week.” I looked up at him. Something dawned on me. It couldn’t be. There was no way. I needed time to think before I talked to Nick about this.

“Nick, I’m going to lie back down.” He stood up.

“You want me to cuddle with you?”

“Yes, I need you to hold me.

How could I be pregnant? The gynecologist told me I wasn’t able to have any more kids. Nick would think I was lying about the whole thing. I was excited about the possibility of having another baby, but scared as to how Nick would react. It seemed like for each step forward, we took two steps back. Time and time again our relationship was being tested. Nick and I didn’t even think about using protection. What were we thinking? I guess we weren’t. We were both caught up in each other to care about anything else. Maybe it was part of God’s plan.

-------------------------------------------

“Hello Mrs. Carter.” Dr. Thomas greeted me.

“Please call me Ashton.”

“What brings you in today?” She started looking at my file.

“I think I might be pregnant. But I was told I couldn’t have kids anymore. I was having problems with my period about a year ago and I went to Dr. Owens for some tests. The results came back that I couldn’t have children.”

“Well looking at your chart, I saw that you were here for tests last year.” She shifted through the papers in the file. She studied them carefully. “Oh, no. Ashton, there’s been a mistake. Somehow some one else’s test results were put in your file. I’m going to look up the information in on the computer.” Dr. Thomas left the room.

I was more confused that ever. I sat in the room staring at posters of STDs and HPV. About ten minutes later, Dr Thomas came back in.

“Ashton, I found the original test results. You are a very healthy woman, who can carry a baby to full term. I can’t change what happened with Dr. Owens, but we can move on knowing you are fertile.” I was upset, but smiled at her. I would have never almost lost my husband. I ended up losing a year of my marriage.

“Can we do the blood test and see if I’m pregnant?” She nodded and started to draw my blood.

--------------------

“Ashton, you feeling any better?” Nick asked as he walked into the kitchen.

“Yes.” I kissed him on the lips.

“What are you cooking? It smells delicious.”

“I’m making homemade spaghetti. Go set the table. It will be ready in about five minutes.”

Nick set the table quickly. “Do you want red or white wine?”

“Neither.” I said and smiled to myself.

I put the spaghetti on plates and placed them on the table.

“How was your day?”

“Good. I wrote a new song. It’s has some killer beats. What did you do all day?”

“Sage came over and helped me run some errands.”

“Sounds like a nice day.”

We ate in silence for a few minutes. I was afraid to tell him what I had found out at the doctor’s today. He had the right to know, especially after the result of the blood test.

“Nick, I need to tell you something, but you need to promise me you won’t get mad.”

“Ashton is there something wrong? I promise to not get mad.”

“I went to see Dr. Thomas. She’s my new female doctor. She was looking at my files and the results from that test last year weren’t mine.”

He looked at me in shock. He hand was raking through his hair. I knew he was angry. “WHAT!!!” His voice rose.

“Apparently someone else’s test results were stuck to mine. I guess Dr. Owens didn’t think to double check.”

“So the last year of torture was for nothing.”

“Pretty much.” I placed my hand on his.

“Why were you there anyway? You didn’t tell me you had a doctor’s appointment.” He looked at my quizzically.

“Well, you know how I haven’t been feeling well lately.” He nodded. “I’m pregnant!”

He jumped up and kissed me. Then he twirled me around. “I take it, you’re happy.”

“You’ve made me the happiest man alive.”

“I love you Nick.”

“I love you Ashton. I thought you were on birth control.”

“I was, but I threw it out the day you sent the divorce papers to me.” I winced at the memory.

“It’s a miracle. We were meant to have this baby. I love you so much, Ashton.”

“I love you to Nick. Let’s go make love.”

“Nick, what are you going to do with the condo when you move back in?” I asked as we sat on the beach.

“I think I’m going to sell it to Aaron.”

“You mean he’s coming back to Florida?”

“Yeah.” He threw some sand at me.

“Stop it Nick. I don’t want it in my cast.”

“Party pooper.” He stuck his tongue at me.

We sat there in a comfortable silence. Ever since I told Nick I was pregnant things were going well. We haven’t fought or raised our voices.

“Nick, we need to go pick up Rachel and Jackson. I miss them so much. Talking on the phone isn’t enough.”

“I agree. I think we should wait until your casts come off next week.”

“That works. I’m going to call Kevin.” I took my phone out of my purse.

“Now?” I smiled and nodded my head.

“Hello Kevin.”

“Hey sis. What’s up?”

“Not much. I just wanted to let you know that Nick and I are going to be picking up the kids next week.”

“Really?” Kevin asked.

“Yes. Nick and I have worked things out. We’re back together.” I beamed.

“That’s great. It seems like you really took the time to communicate with each other. How’s he been treating you?”

“Like a princess.”

“That’s good.” Kevin said quietly.

“Kevin, you don’t sound as thrilled as I thought you would be. What’s up?”

“I just want to make sure that you didn’t rush into getting back together.”

“Kevin this was your idea. You took my kids away from me, so I could work things out with my husband. We’ve spent the last five weeks together. He never left my side. We talked and worked it out.’ I started to cry. Nick took the phone from me.

“Kevin, stop giving her the third degree. She’s sitting here crying because of you. We thought you would be happy. We love each other and we are staying married.”

“Nick, I’m sorry for acting like a jerk. I’m just trying to protect her.”

“She’s a big girl. She doesn’t need you protecting her. We’ll be up next week. I’ll call you later in the week to let you know the details.”

“Nick, I’m sorry. Kevin won’t let me grow up.” I sniffled. “I’m hungry. Can we order some Chinese and watch movies.”

Nick picked me up and carried me to the car.

------------------------------------------------------------

Slowly I opened my eyes. I looked around the room. Nick was no where to be found. I grabbed my crutches and got up. I hobbled into the kitchen. Nick was sitting on a stool at the island talking on the phone.

“I want a ruby in the middle and diamonds around it.”

I quickly hobbled out of the room. I didn’t want to ruin anything he was planning. I sat down on the couch and flipped through the channels. I didn’t see much of the movie Nick and I were watching. My stomach growled. I realized that I hadn’t eaten dinner.

“Hello Sleeping Beauty. Did you get enough rest?” He sat down next to me.

“Nah. I’m still tired. I apologize for falling asleep on you.” I kissed his cheek. He buried his face in my hair. Our arms wrapped around each other, and we sat there holding each other. It felt incredible. I loved having his arms around me.

“Ashton, I love you so much.”

“I love you, too. When we go to Kentucky are we going to tell everyone about the baby?”

“If you want to. I hope Kevin doesn’t go off on us.”

“Nick, he’s just being a concerned big brother. You know he’s happy about us working it out. It just takes him longer to digest things. Does it really matter? It’s our life, and we have to do what we think is right.”

“I know. It’s just hard. Kevin is the big brother I never had. His opinion means a lot to me.” He rubbed my back.

“Nick, if Kevin didn’t love and respect you, we wouldn’t be here now. He would have never let you near me. He was so protective of me when I was a teenager. I think I was almost happy he lived in Florida during my teenage years.” I giggled.

“You remember the first time he caught us making out?” Nick was laughing now. Back then, we almost had one less Backstreet Boys.

“Yes. I never saw Kevin so mad. He was thrilled that your hand was up my shirt and you were sucking on his little sister’s neck. I got into so much trouble.” I chuckled at the thought.

“If he only knew how you snuck into my hotel room at night.” He kissed my temple. I cuddled in closer to him.

“Thank goodness for Alex and Brian. They were always helping us. He almost caught us that one time in the dressing room.”

“I think AJ purposely tried to get us caught that time.”

“You know you’re going to be worse than Kevin when Rachel starts dating.”

“She’s not allowed to date until she’s forty.”

“You wish. She’s going to meet some handsome boy, and he’ll sweep her off her feet, just like some boy did to her mommy.” I ran my finger down his thigh.

“Well in that case, I’m sending her to a convent to become a nun. No one would have expected you to be the wild child. You were such a snob when I met you.”

“You were a thirteen year old dork. I didn’t want anything to do with you. You have to watch out for us quiet girls.”  I pulled his face towards mine and kissed him roughly on the mouth. He grabbed my arms and lowered me on the couch.

“Let’s make out like teenagers.” He said and started sucking my ears, as his hand went under my shirt.

With my casts off, I was on my way to Kentucky to get my kids. I hadn’t seen them in what seemed like forever. I just wanted to give them hugs and bring them home.

Nick was putting the luggage in the Land Rover. I was still dealing with morning sickness, so I sat in the passenger seat eating crackers and drinking weak tea. I prayed that it would go away. I hated feeling sick. Nick was being a great husband. He was waiting on me hand and feet. He made sure that I always had something to curb the sickness. I was never happier in my life.

“You ready to go?”  I nodded my head. Nick started the car and backed out of the driveway.

“I can’t wait to see Jackson and Rachel. I’ve bet they’ve grown.” I looked out the window wishing we were already in Kentucky. It was going to be a long ride. I wanted to be there now.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“A little. I’m not used to all this morning sickness. I hardly had any with Jackson or Rachel.”

“You know it’s worth it.” He rubbed my thigh.

“It is, but if you were nauseous all the time, you would be moaning and groaning all day long.”

“You saying I couldn’t handle it.” He puffed his chest out trying to look macho.

“I know you couldn’t handle it. Plus, you would never survive childbirth.” I teased him.

He thought about it for a minute. I couldn’t tell if he was puzzled or grossed out about the thought of giving birth.

“You’re right. Men are just wimps.”

-------------------------------------

Finally we arrived at my brother’s house in Kentucky. I really had to pee, so I raced into the without bothering to knock. My brother stared at me. A few minutes later, I walked in the living room. Everyone was staring at me.

“Hello!” I quickly sat down on the couch next to Nick. I was embarrassed.

“Hello. How was your trip?” Nia, Kevin’s wife asked.

“It was very long. Where are the kids?” I wanted to see them badly.

“They are with your mom at the store. They should be back in a few.  Ashton would you like to help me in the kitchen.”

“Sure.” I gave my husband a look and he shooed me off to the kitchen. I knew Kevin was going to give him a lecture. Would he ever let us grow up?

“So Nick, is everything okay between the two of you?” Kevin asked.

“Yes, Kevin. We spent a lot of time talking about what was wrong. We worked it out and decided we loved each other to much to get divorced. It’s almost as if breaking her arm and ankle helped us get back together. It forced us together.”

“I just want to know how you fell out of love with her.”

“It’s really none of your business. The problems in our marriage are between us. We solved them and our marriage is stronger.”

Kevin glared at Nick. He knew it wasn’t his business, but he didn’t want Nick to hurt me. “You ever hurt my sister again, you’re a dead man.”

“Why do you think I’m the one who did something? I love your sister, but she’s not perfect. Yes, I was wrong about things, but she was too. We both hurt each other. I love you like an older brother Kev, but stay out it.”

Nick stood up next to Kevin. They were looking eye to eye.

“I won’t stay out of it. It’s my family, and I’ll make sure Ashton’s take care of.” Kevin’s voice rose. I could hear him and Nick in the kitchen.

I walked into the living room.

“Would you both stop? You’re acting like little boys.” Both of them sat down, looking sheepish.

“Sorry.”

“I’m sorry, baby.”

“Kevin, I love you a lot. You’re a great big brother. Please stay out of my marriage. I know you mean well, but Nick and I have dealt with it. We talked about our problems and have worked to move one. Nick is not to blame. I did a lot of careless things in my marriage. Plus, I don’t need this stress right now.”

“Is there something wrong?” Kevin asked worried.

“No. I’m pregnant.”

“What?” Kevin stared at me like I grew two heads.

“I’m pregnant meaning I’m going to have a baby.” I looked at him and saw he wasn’t pleased.

“Do you really think you need to be having a baby while trying to rebuild your marriage?”

“Kevin, we are more than capable.” Nick answered for me.

At that moment, my kids came running into the room.

“Mommy! Daddy!”

“Mommy, I missed you!”

Jackson and Rachel ran into my arms. I covered them both in hugs and kiss. Then they ran to Nick and gave him hugs. I was truly happy at that moment. My life could not get any better.

“Mommy, are we going home with you and daddy?” Rachel asked as Nick picked her up.

“Yes, we’re taking you home.”

“Yea! I’m glad. Kentucky is fun, but I want to be with you and daddy.”

“Dad are you going to live with us again?” Jackson stared at the carpet.

“Jackson, look at me. Yes, I’m coming back home for good. We’re going to be a family again.”

Jackson ran to his daddy and threw his arms around him. Tears were coming from both of their eyes. It was a moment I would never forget. “

Life was slowly getting back to normal. We were spending time together as a family. Today we were relaxing outside. Nick and Jackson were in the pool swimming. I was painting Rachel’s toenails.

“Mommy?”

“Yes, Rachey.”

“I’m glad you and daddy love each other again.” She smiled at me with her toothless grin. She had recently lost her top two front teeth.

“Me, too. You ready to go back to school?”

“Of course I am. I can’t wait to have Miss Rossi. She is so much fun.”

“She is a great teacher.  I can’t believe you’re going to first grade.”

She wrinkled her nose at me. “Mommy, I’m a big girl. Can I get some new dresses for school?”

“Of course. We can have a girl’s day out. We’ll go shopping and out for lunch.” I closed the nail polish bottle.

Rachel jumped off her chair and ran inside the house. I hope she wasn’t up to something. Nick and Jackson sat down at the table.

“We’re hungry.” They pouted at me.

“You know where the food is at.” I remarked with a smirk.

“Mommy, can you make us something to eat.” Jackson gave me puppy dog eyes.

“Who taught you how to give puppy dogs eyes?” He pointed to his dad. I ruffled his hair. “What do you want?”

“A popsicle.”

I got up and went inside. As I opened up the freezer the phone rang. Quickly I grabbed it. “Carter residence. May I help you?”

“How’s my favorite sister-in-law?”

“You’re such a flatterer Aaron. I’m your only sister-in-law. I’m doing well. How are you?”

“Doin’ well. How are the kids?”

Doing well. They are growing like weeds.”

“Give them a kiss for me. Can I talk to my big bad bro?”

“Sure. Hold on.” I stepped outside. “Nick, it’s your brother.” I handed him the phone and Jackson his popsicle.

“What you want, bro?”

“I’m getting ready to go in the studio. I was wondering if you would come to L.A. and help me produce some tracks.”

“I don’t know, Aaron. How long would it be for?”

“I don’t know a week or two.”

“Can you come to Florida?”

“I can’t. The song is going to be a duet with Mandy Moore. We both want you to produce it.”

“Let me talk to Ashton and I’ll get back to you later tonight.”

-----------------------------------

Nick walked out of the bathroom wearing only a towel. At thirty-one, he was still hot. His body was muscular from working out. I couldn’t help but drool. “You like the view.” Nick smirked at me.

“Nah…it’s getting kind of old. I might need to replace it with a new one.” I said seriously. His eyes widen.

“You wouldn’t would you?” He let the towel go as he put his boxers on.

“Never. I have you trained. It would take to long to train a younger man to please me.” I licked my lips.

He lay down next to me on the bed. I placed my book on the nightstand.

“What did you brother want?”

“He wants me to come to L.A. to produce a song for him. It’s some duet with Mandy Moore.” He fluffed his pillow and got comfortable.

“It would be a great opportunity. I know you want to get into producing for more artists.”

“You wouldn’t get mad if I went?” He looked me in the eyes.

“Nick, I love you. I know that music is your passion. I’m not going to stop you. How long would you be gone?” I loved and trusted my husband. I wasn’t going to stop him from pursuing his career.

“He said it would take a week or two.”

“I think you should do it.”

“Okay. I’ll call Aaron shortly and let him know.” Nick kissed me. “You know I love you.”

“I know. I love you.”

“Seriously. You let me be me and you care about my passion.”

“Nick, I could never stop you from doing anything. That would be wrong of me. You would end up hating me if I did. Nick, you would do the same for me.” He nodded his head.

“Are you ready to go back to school in a few weeks?”

“Yeah… About that, I’m not going back?”

“Why?” He looked at me quizzically.

“I just want to be a mom. I want to enjoy being pregnant and taking care of my family. I love teaching, but I love my family more.” I pressed my lips to his. Nick rolled me over, so he was on top of me. We continued to kiss and our tongues dueled in a dance. Nick’s hand slipped under my t-shirt. His fingers grazed my skin. I was feeling hot and bothered.

“Ring…Ring”

“Ignore.” Kiss. “It” Kiss. “They’ll call back.” Nick trailed kisses down my neck.

 “It might be important.” I pushed him off me and sat up. I looked at the caller id. It was Aaron. “Nick it was your brother. You better call him and tell him you wife is sending your ass to L.A.”

“Fine. We’ll continue this later, babe. You can’t start and not finish.” He huffed and walked out of the room. I busted out laughing at my husband. He was so funny when he didn’t get his way.

I stretched out on the bed and pulled the comforter up to my chin. I thought about the wonderful day I enjoyed with my family. It put a smile on my face. I closed my eyes and drifted off into a peaceful sleep. A few minutes later Nick walked into the bedroom. He saw that I was asleep. He sighed. He got into bed and snuggled against me.

Nick had just left for California. The house was quiet and that frightened me. I knew the kids were up to something. I headed upstairs where I heard laughter coming from Rachel’s room. I popped my head in the door.  I couldn’t believe what my children were doing. The cat sat on the bed wearing a dress. It did not look very happy.

“What in the world are you two doing?” I asked.

“We’re dressing up Rascal. Isn’t she beautiful?” Rachel declared as she fell on the floor giggling.

“Mommy can we take pictures of Rascal in the dress?” Jackson asked.

“Umm…sure. Go get the camera. It’s in the bookshelf in the living room.” My kids could be so weird at times. Clearly my children took after their father. The cat looked at me for help. I felt sorry for the poor kitty.

Jackson came running back in the room. He started taking picture after picture of the cat in a dress. I think he might grow up to be a member of the paparazzi the way he was taking pictures.

I smiled at my kids. I was happy that they got along so well. Nick and I hadn’t told them about the new baby yet. I hoped they would be just as close to him or her the way I was with my brothers.

“Mom, I’m hungry.”

“Jackson you just ate.” I leaned against the door.

“I know, but my stomach seemed to forget. Can I have something to eat?” His eyes pleaded with me.

“Sure. Let’s go to the kitchen.” I think Jackson was going through a growth spurt. All he wanted to do was eat. He was growing up so fast. His blond hair needed cut. It was falling into his blue eyes. Jackson looked just like Nick at that age.

The kids followed me into the kitchen. “What would you like to eat?”

“Cookies.” 

“Ice Cream.”

“You need to eat something healthy. It’s too early to be eating junk food.”

“Dad would let us.” Jackson told me. I knew Nick would allow that. He was a great dad, but the kids knew how to work him.

“Well Dad is not here. How about some fruit?”

“Can I have apples with peanut butter?” Rachel asked politely. I nodded my head

“What about you Jackson?”

“Nah. I’m not hungry. This is stupid.” He walked out of the kitchen.

“Jackson Nickolas Brian Carter, get back in this kitchen now.” I called out to him.

“What?”

“What is wrong?”

“I wanted cookies.” He stared at me.

“You can have a cookie later. I told you could have fruit.”

“I don’t want stupid fruit. I don’t like it when Daddy’s gone. He’s better than you. He would let me have cookies.” He ran out of the kitchen. I stood there in shock. Jackson had never pulled an attitude with me. I think he was mad because Nick wasn’t home. He probably thought Nick wasn’t going to come back home. I was going to give him some time to calm down.

“Mommy, I love you. Jackson’s a meanie. He always says mean things to me, too. I think you are the best mommy in the world.” Rachel smiled at me and started eating her apples.

----------------------------------------------------------------

I put the kids to bed. Jackson’s attitude did not improve all day. He wouldn’t play with Rachel or say more than two words to me. If he was acting this way at seven, I didn’t want to think about the teenage years. Finally I sat on the couch and had a moment to myself. I was enjoying a hot cup of tea. My cell phone rang.

“Hello, sexy.”

“Nick. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too. How’s everything at home?”

“Good. Jackson’s been mad at me all day. Rachel’s been an angel.”

“Why is Jackson mad at you?”

“Because I’m not as cool as you, Mr. Carter.” I sipped my tea.

“Well, I am cool, but he’s not being very nice. What happened?”

“He got mad because I wouldn’t let him have cookies. Nick, I just think it’s hard for him when we’re not together. How are things in L.A.?”

“Going well. I met with Aaron and Mandy. The song is cool. Aaron’s already being annoying.”

“Why?” I put my feet up on the coffee table.

“Well, he wanted me to go to a club tonight.”

“What’s wrong with that? You should be spending time with your brother.” Nick snorted.

“I’m too old to go clubbing. Plus, I would have sat there all night watching him find his next one night stand. I’d rather pass on that. Plus, I’d rather talk to my incredibly sexy wife.”

“You’re sweet, Nicky. Well your brother is young and hot. He deserves to enjoy himself, though it would be nice if he found a woman to settle down with.”

“You think my brother’s hot?” Nick asked.

“Yes, Aaron is hot. He’s a little young for me.” I teased Nick.

“You mean you date him if you were younger.”

“Maybe, but I have the only man I could ever want.”

“Now you’re trying to butter me up.”

“Nicky, I don’t have butter you up. You’re mine for always and forever.” I yawned loudly.

“You sound tired, sweetheart. You and the baby need to rest. Go get some sleep.”

“Thanks, Nick. I love you. Call me tomorrow.”

“Love ya.”

I carried my cup into the kitchen and put it in the sink. Slowly, I made my way upstairs and went to bed.

I had just finished my doctor’s appointment. I wished Nick would have been there, but there would be others. Alex was watching the kids for me. I sat in my car, waiting for Nick to pick up his phone. He didn’t answer and his voicemail came on. Nick was probably busy in the studio. I decided to leave him a message.

“Hey Nick. It’s me. I just got out of the doctor’s. Everything is fine. The baby is healthy and so am I. Our bundle of joy is due on February 22. I love you. Call me when you get a chance.”

I closed my phone and started the car. I couldn’t wait to tell everyone we were having a baby. Nick and I were going to tell everyone after he got back from L.A.

When I got home, I could see Alex and the kids playing in the yard.

“Mommy, Alex paints his nails like a girl.” Rachel blurted out.

“Rachel Joy Ann, please use your manners.” Alex smiled at me.

“Everything okay?”

“Alex everything is fine. I just miss Nick.” I sat down on a step. Alex sat down beside me.

“When’s he coming home?”

“In about a week. He’s been gone for three days and I miss him terribly.”

“I’m glad you’re back together. You two are the perfect couple.” He put his arm around me.

“We’re hardly perfect. Enough about us. How is the wedding planning going?”

“Good. We both want something small. I think the guest list is about seventy-five people.”

“Cool. I can’t wait. Marriage isn’t so glamorous.”

“I know.” Alex’s phone rang. “Hold on. Hello.”

“AJ, I need your help.”

“What’s up man?” Alex stood up and walked over to the pool.

“Umm…the paparazzi took some photos of me at this club last night.”

“What kinds of photos?” Alex knew trouble was brewing.

“Well…ummm….I…I...”

“Spit it out. I’m at your house right now. She’s like three feet away from me.”

“Oh, shit. They were photos of me with some women. Aaron and I went to a club last night. He had all these women at our table. The one ended up kissing me. I stopped it right away but it’s now online.”

“You’re a dead man.”

“She told me to go out and have fun. I didn’t think this was going to happen.” Nick sounded worried.

“What are you going to do?”

“Tell her the truth.”

“You’re doing the right thing. She’ll be mad, but she’ll forgive you.”

----------------------------------------------------------

I was still waiting for Nick to call me. I was started to get worried and a little annoyed at him. I got my laptop and decided to check my email.  I received one from my friend Marla. It contained a picture of Nick and some woman kissing. I closed my laptop. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t. He didn’t. Nick would never do this to me again. There had to be some kind of misunderstanding. I grabbed my cell phone and dialed his number. His voice mail came on. He was avoiding me.  I sent a text message. SAW THE PIC. CALL ME ASAP! I was pissed beyond belief. A minute later my phone rang.

“Ashton, it’s not what you think.”

“What do I think Nick?” I asked rudely.

“I went out with Aaron last night to this club. He met and bunch of girls and invited them to sit with us. The one girl got a little carried away and kissed me.”

“Okay.” I was at a loss for words.

“I didn’t kiss her. Some stupid photographer snapped a picture. Now it’s all over the internet.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I had to find out in an email.” I was more upset that he didn’t tell me than about the picture.

“I was afraid to tell you.” He answered honestly.

“We practically just lost a year of our marriage by not communicating and you’re afraid to talk to me.”

“Ash, it’s not like that. I was going to tell you, but I didn’t know how.”

“Gee, Nick how hard is it to say the paparazzi took a picture that was misconstrued. Nothing happened” I raised my voice.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.” He said quietly.

“Nick, I love you. It hurt when you avoided my call today. I was so excited to tell you about the due date and everything else. You chose to ignore me rather than deal with the situation itself. Maybe our marriage isn’t as strong as I thought it was.”

“Ashton, I know I need to work hard on communicating with you. This last year, I got good at hiding everything. It’s going to take time for me to learn to communicate effectively.”

“I know. I am as closed off as you are. We are just going to have to open and honest with each other even if we know it might hurt.”

“I’m excited about the baby. It might come early and be born on Brian’s birthday.”

“He would love that.” I laughed.

“You that we conceived this baby that day when I came home from Brian’s in Atlanta.”

“That was the worse day of my life. You told me you were moving out. It’s funny how it ended up being one of the best days of our lives.”

“God works in mysterious ways. I love you, babe.”

“I can’t wait to you come home.”

“Me neither. I’m counting the days. I should be back next Friday.”

“I will count the days. It’s late here. I’m going to go to bed. “

“Night.”

Nick wished Aaron would hurry up and finish the song. He wanted to go home to his family. They had spent the morning laying down the last part of the track. Now, he was on his way to pick up a gift for his wife. Mandy offered to drive him to the jewelry store.

“I really want to meet your wife. She sounds like a great woman.”

“She is. I think you two would get along great.” Nick commented as the walked into the jewelry store.

“Good afternoon, sir. How may I help you?” The clerk asked.

“I’m here to pick up a ring. The name is Nick Carter.”

“I’ll be right back sir.”

Nick and Mandy looked at the jewelry in the display. The clerk came back out with a small velvet box.

“Here is your ring.” Nick gave the clerk his credit card.

“Let me see it Nick.”

Nick opened the box.

“It’s gorgeous, Nick. She’ll love it.” Mandy gushed.

The clerk handed Nick his credit card and they left he store.

----------------------------------------

I sat on the couch watching TV. Rachel and Jackson were spending the day with some friends from school. I was bored. I flipped to the E channel. Lindsey Lohan, don’t care about her. Then all of a sudden I saw my husband on the screen.

“In recent days, Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys was seen at Tiffany’s with pop singer Mandy Moore. The two look awfully close while looking at jewelry. Look at the smile on her face. Nick is currently married to Ashton Richardson Carter, sister of former Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson. Other sightings include Starbucks and Target. No word on if the wife knows what’s going on. We’ll keep you posted.” Ryan Seacrest’s voice blasted through the room.

There had to be a misunderstanding. Nick wouldn’t cheat on me. Not after everything that happened. Nick and Mandy were just friends. I couldn’t take another heart break. My kids couldn’t deal with a situation like this. What about the baby we were having. Everything was perfect until he went to L.A. First it was the scene at the nightclub and now he was parading around Hollywood with another woman.

I was mad. I didn’t know if I should call Nick at that moment or not. I didn’t want to start yelling at him. I decided to wait until I was calmer. Right now I was fuming. Nick might not even know that it was plastered on the television.

I got up and started picking up the family room. I picked up Rachel and Jackson’s toys and put them away. I got all the dirty laundry and took it to the laundry room. I placed some clothes into the washer. Then I got out the sweeper. I was still furious with Nick and cleaning wasn’t helping. I couldn’t take it any longer. I had to call him.

I dialed his cell phone. After a few rings, his voice mail came on. I didn’t leave a message. I decided to call Aaron’s house.

“Carter’s house of freaks.”

“Aaron is Nick around. I really need to talk to him.” I quickly asked.

“Yeah, here he is.” He threw the phone in Nick’s lap.

“Hey sweetie.”

“Nick, cut it out. I’m not in the mood.”

“Ashton what’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong, Nick? Have you watched the E channel today?” I yelled into the phone.

“Stop yelling. No, I haven’t had the TV on. Can you tell me what’s wrong?”

“How’s Mandy? You seem to be spending time with her instead of helping Aaron with his cd.”             

“I have been working on Aaron’s song. We just finished this morning.”

“Well the cameras have spotted you and Mandy together at a variety of places in Hollywood. They showed you at Starbucks, Target, and Tiffany’s. You looked especially comfortable at Tiffany’s. I hope she enjoys whatever you bought her.” Tears started falling down my face.

“It’s not what you think. Mandy and I are not together. We are just friends.”

“Nick, this is the second time you’ve been caught in a compromising position. I’m beginning to have my doubts about you Nick. Maybe going to L.A. wasn’t a good idea.”

“Ashton, nothing happened. I would never cheat on you, and you know that. You encouraged me to go to L.A. I thought you trusted me.” He sounded defeated.

“I do trust you. I always have. I guess I’m just insecure about things. Everything has been going great and it frightens me.”

“Ashton, I get that. I am head over heels in love with you and nothing will change that. No woman could take me away from you. You would kill them first.” Nick laughed.

“I’m sorry I over reacted. I’m going to blame it on my hormones. I miss you. When are you coming home?”

“I have a flight home tomorrow. I should get to Orlando around noon.” He smiled knowing he was coming home. It had been a long two weeks.

“I can’t wait. So what did you buy at Tiffany’s?” I prodded.

“I can’t tell you. It’s something special for you. I’m planning a special date for us on Saturday.”

“I can’t wait. I got to go pick up the kids. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you.”

“I love, Ash. Bye.”

I grabbed my keys and hurried to the car. Nick must have thought I was being irrational. I didn’t mean to be. I guess I was a bit paranoid about our relationship, especially when it came to other women. I think knowing that he slept with Chelsey made me think differently about the situation. I trusted him completely, but I didn’t trust the women around him. At least I could blame my moodiness on hormones. It was great to be pregnant.

Nick was dropping the kids off at Alex’s. They were going to spend the night. I was getting ready for my special date with Nick. Before he left, he made me a bubble bath. I enjoyed relaxing in the foamy water. I found myself relaxed and calm. I stepped out of the tub and grabbed a white fluffy towel.

“Let me help you.” Nick smiled at me while staring at my naked body. I threw the towel at him, and he slowly dried me off. “You’re starting to show a little. You look beautiful.”

“We’ll have to tell everyone soon.” I kissed him sweetly.

“I’ll let you get dressed. Meet me in my studio when you’re ready.” He left the room.

I quickly dried and fixed my hair. I put on the green sundress I had bought a while back. Nick would love it. I slipped my feet into a pair of black flats. Quickly I made my way to Nick’s studio.

“Are you ready Nick?”

He looked up at me and smiled. He hit a button and music came on. Nick held out his hand to me, and I took it. We slowly started swaying back and forth to the music.

“I love that dress on you.”

“Thank you.” He held me close. I could feel his breath on my neck. We danced to the music with a comfortable silence between us. No words needed to be spoken. Our bodies were doing the talking.

“I never thought we’d be here doing this. I thought we’d be divorced and leading separate lives.” Nick said quietly.

“A few months ago, I thought I was going to end up lonely. My heart was crushed at the time.”

“My heart was broken, too. I didn’t want to file for a divorce, but I felt I was stuck.” He told me seriously.

“I pushed you Nick. I regret that. But fate stepped in when I fell down the steps.” I chuckled softly.

“Yeah, that was divine intervention. It forced us to face the issues.”

“I’m glad it did. I’m happier than I have been in a long time.”

The music stopped and Nick pulled me over to the other side of the room. He had a picnic set up on the floor. We both sat down.

“Nick, this is nice. You went to a lot of trouble.”

“For you, I would go to hell and back. You’re worth it.” He fed me a piece of watermelon.

“So, do you want a boy or a girl? We have both, so what do you want?”

“I will be happy with either. As long as it is a healthy baby, I will be a happy daddy.”

“I’ve been thinking of some names.”

“Like what?” He stuffed a noodle in his mouth.

“I like Aiden or Matthew for a boy. I like Kylie or Addison for a girl.”

“I like Aiden and Addison. That would be great names for twins.” He laughed.

“I don’t know if you could handle twins.” Nick pouted. I patted his leg to comfort him.

“When are we going to tell Jacks and Rachey?”

“How about tomorrow when they get home.”

We finished eating. I kissed Nick hard on the lips. He pulled me closer to him. We continued kissing. I wrapped my arms around Nick’s neck. His fingers ran through my hair. I felt a spark of desire run through my body. He trailed kissed down my neck and stopped at my collar bone. He took his time licking my collar bone and then gently sucked on it. I moaned. His lips on my body felt incredible. My body was on fire. Nick gently laid me on the floor. He trailed kisses all over my skin. Our desire took over and we made love on the floor.

“Nick that was amazing. I love you.” I kissed his forehead.

“All I can say is WOW! I love you so much Ashton. To think I almost lost you. You are the love of my life. You’re my soul mate. There’s no one else for me.” Nick’s eyes began to water. He sat up and grabbed his pants that were thrown on the couch. I saw him take something out of his pocket.

“Nick what’s this?” He placed his finger on my lips to shush me.

“Ashton you mean the world to me. Your love means everything to me. You love me for me. You love me when no one else does. I know I’m not perfect and you accept that. You’re the sunshine when my world is full of storm clouds. I can’t live my life without you. I tried and it was miserable. I want to spend the rest of my life loving you. Will you marry me?”

“Yes!!! Nick, I love you more than I could ever say. You’re my soul mate. I want to spend forever loving you. Our separation proved to me what was important. I’ve learned what is truly important in life. I would be honor to marry you again.”

Nick opened the velvet box and took out the ruby and diamond ring. He removed my old wedding bands and placed the new ring on my left ring finger.

“This is a new beginning. I promise to be faithful and honest with you. If there’s a problem, I will make sure to communicate with you. I’m going to be a better husband than I was before.” He kissed me.

“Nick can we have a family wedding. I want everyone to be there.” I kissed him back.

“You can have anything you want.”

I snuggled next to Nick. I was the happiest woman alive. I had the best husband in the world. I had the best kids in the world. I was excited about our new baby. I was happy. Life was great!

THE END