I’m warning you right the fuck now…you’re gonna have to excuse my damn language, because I’m really fucking pissed. Wouldn’t you be, too, if you found yourself in the middle of the damn ocean…on a puny ass, fucking, bright orange, blow up, life raft?!? Damn straight, I’m pissed. And, as if that weren’t bad enough…it’s my own damn fault that I’m here, too.

How about we recap, exactly how I got my ass into this shitty situation?

My name is A.J. McLean and my best friend, whose sorry ass is sitting right next to me, is Howie Dorough. We’re on this way too small raft…with five other people…because the cruise ship we were on…well…the damn thing sank quicker than the fuckin Titanic. Don’t bother asking me why or how it sank…because I ain’t got a damn clue…and even if I did, it’s not like it would fuckin help me out, now would it? All I know…is it sank…and my ass is lucky to have even scrambled onto this raft that I’m currently bitching about.

Now I bet you’re wondering why the hell I say it’s my own damn fault that I’m here. It all began because I finally convinced Howie into doing another one of his DLF cruises, to benefit the charity he founded, in his sister’s honor. That wouldn’t have been a big deal…except that I knew the damn ship was gonna go down. But when I tried talking to D, about it, this morning, I got the guilt trip. I gotta admit…it was pretty messed up that I was the one to convince him to do it, and then I was trying to get him to cancel it, at the last minute.

So, now your next question is how the fuck I knew the damn ship was gonna go down, right? Ha. That’s a simple answer…I knew because I’m special. And, no…I don’t mean the fuckin short bus kind, of special, alright. I mean…that I have this…ability. Alright…for lack of a better term…I’m psychic. Sorta. I never have learned how to control the ability. I can’t control when I have visions or what the fuckin things are about. That means I can’t read your future…I don’t know if you’re gonna win the damn lottery…or marry the hunk down the street…so don’t even fuckin ask.

Very few people even know that I have this ability…I don’t make it a known fact…because I really don’t need people thinking I’m more fucked up in the head, than they already do. And I swear to the Lord God…that if you even think about laughing…shit is gonna hit the damn fan. Got it? I’m not some kind of weird freak. Ok, on second thought, maybe that’s a debatable statement…but even if I am some kind of weird freak…it’s not because of my ability…so keep the smart ass comments to yourself. Cool?

Anyways…I never practiced the ability…never really tried to control the visions. Do I look like Chris Angel, the famous mind freak? No. I’m A.J. McLean, the famous singer. There has never been any reason to practice this circus freak ability. I don’t need no stupid visions, ok? Well…maybe…I should have listened to the damn vision, this time…but normally…I don’t need the fuckin things…they’re annoying.

Like some weird ass Final Destination shit…I had the vision on the way to the damn ship, this morning. Talk about last minute notification, am I right? So, I get there and I’m all freaked out, right. Don’t fuckin laugh…you know you would be, too. Anyways…I get there and I try telling Howie, but he gets upset. He rants and raves…on and fuckin on…about how I shouldn’t have talked him into this, if I didn’t wanna go…how I can’t always back out on shit, when I make a commitment...blah, fuckin blah. Now…anyone who knows me…knows I’m not the best at sayin ‘no’. Yes, I’m a softie…you got a fuckin issue? I sure as hell do…it’s that exact spinelessness that got me where the fuck I’m at, right this minute.

So…now…I’m on this damn life raft and in desperate need of a smoke. Naturally, I got my smokes and lighter, in my pocket, but this cute girl sitting beside me asked, politely, that I not smoke. My mama taught me right, so I’m respecting her request…even though I’ve bitten my nails clean off…and even though my mama taught me better than to cuss this fuckin bad…but ain’t nobody perfect. I’m just really fuckin glad she ain’t here with a damn bar of soap. Yes. I’m in my 30’s and my mama will still wash my mouth out with fuckin soap, if she hears me cussin this bad. You know…I don’t even know why the fuck I’m telling you this shit…you don’t need to be knowing about that…it’s not even relevant to the damn story.

Moving right along...let’s got off my damn personal life and back to the subject at hand. Next to miss cutie, whose name I don’t currently know…is one of the crew members, Blake, I think…then there’s the chick who keeps staring at Howie…another chick, Marissa maybe…and her boy toy, who looks like a complete fuckin douche…then there’s good ol’ sweet D, who is probably wishing, to fuckin hell, that he had listened to me. All seven, of us, have been in this cute little round, blow up raft for nearly two days. Which now brings me to one question…WHERE THE FUCK IS THE RESCUE COPTER?!?!?

“Look! Is that…?” The chick who has been constantly eye balling my best friend was squinting in the mid-day sun light, trying to see between me and him.

“LAND!” My hand, instinctively, flew to my ear, protecting it from cutie’s squeal. Thank the Lord God above me…land!

I seriously can’t even come close to explaining how happy I was, to see land. This cruise was supposed to be the greatest experience…I even paid for my best friend’s ticket, and for her to fly out, to meet me. Now I feel bad that we’re in this situation. She’d still be at home, and safe, if it hadn’t been for that one Twitter conversation, we had, early one morning. Not that we’re really in any immediate danger, now that we’ve hit dry land…unless there are bears, or something. Then again, it looks like a tropical jungle, so we’d be more likely to come across some kind of poisonous snake or spider. Ugh…I hate snakes! Do you have any idea how fast you can die, from a snake bite?!? Just thinking about that, is enough to make me freak out! But, I’m getting off track, aren’t I?

I should probably rewind a bit, and explain myself, hm?

My name is Theresa…but everyone calls me Resa, unless they’re mad at me, or are trying to hide something. I’m pretty well known for going out of my way, to attend Backstreet concerts, and I’ve been on a few of Howie’s DLF cruises, in the past, as well. In all honesty…I adore the group…especially Howie, not that it’s obvious or anything. No matter how hard I’ve tried to avert my eyes…they wind up right back on him again. I hope he hasn’t noticed…he probably thinks I’m some kind of crazed stalker fan!

Howie literally saved my life, when I was in high school…technically, it was the sound of his voice…either way, he doesn’t know it. I’ve been told by several people, that I should just come out and tell him. I had actually planned on it once…while on one of the DLF cruises. As it happened, I ended up embarrassing myself and couldn’t bring myself to talk to him again for the rest of the cruise. That’s what happens when you mis-read a club named “Stripes” as “Strips”…then ask the famous guy if he likes the “Strips”. Naturally he cracked up and asked us if there was a strip club on the ship that he missed. I was humiliated! But, you know what? I’m getting off track again, and Howie saving my life is an entirely different story that really has nothing to do with the situation, at hand.

Anyways…as soon as I heard about this cruise, I was online, reserving my spot on the ship. Then I nearly begged my friend Kristal to come along, although I didn’t meet too much resistance on her end. She has never even been on a cruise, and it was the perfect opportunity for us to hang out, since she lives so far away. Next thing I knew, I was meeting Kris at the airport in Tucson. We were both squealing when we did the whole chick flick thing, of running into each others arms. I know we’re cheesy, but it had been forever since we had seen each other…so cut us some slack!

So, there we are, enjoying the cruise and the lovely weather…for nearly four days…and then the cruise ship goes down. Now, we’re all trying to get this raft onto shore, so it doesn’t drift away…but it’s not working out so well. Some people are pulling this way…while others pull that way…it doesn’t seem like it should be this difficult to drag a raft up onto the sand, but evidently this group isn’t the greatest at teamwork.

“Fuck me beautiful! This is just fuckin perfect…the damn raft is ruined now!” If you guessed that it was AJ cussing again…you would be, oh so, right. That is one of the most unattractive things, about that man. Not to say that he isn’t attractive, because…believe me…he is definitely attractive. Granted, in my personal opinion, he takes a back seat to Howie…but I digress.

“Well if you weren’t pulling it in the opposite direction of everyone else…and over the sharp rocks…maybe it wouldn’t have ripped. And must you use terms like ‘fuck me beautiful’ in the presence of women? It’s rude and I know your mom taught you better!” Kris wasn’t the type to yell…especially not at her dream man…but she gets irritated easily. I take that back…she gets irritated easily…when she has a migraine. All this time on the raft with no food, very little water, and a lot of sun has got the girl in some serious pain…so she’s a little…touchy.

“Are you saying this is myfault?!?” AJ was now staring her down, with his hands on his hips. If you ask me, he kinda looked like my mom, when she gets mad…but I don’t think I’m gonna be telling him that.

“Enough. Now really isn’t the time to be fighting, now is it?” Something was giving me the feeling that this was going to be good soap opera material. As a matter of fact, whenever…if we ever…get rescued and get home…I am selling this story to NBC or something. No wait…maybe I’ll write a book.

“Shut the hell up, Stephanie. No one asked you!” I snapped my attention toward Bruce. How could he talk to his girlfriend, like that? Was he insane? Then again…I would expect a guy with a name like Bruce, to be a dick head. Between him and AJ…I was already getting sick of the crappy male attitude. But then…I glance over at Howie…at least he is calm and collected. Then again…he’s the only one who has gotten much sleep the past couple days. I swear it’s true…that man can sleep anywhere!

Looking at the situation, anyone could see that this was going to be the most interesting experience of all our lives. Stephanie, Kris and I might be the envy of millions of women, worldwide…being stranded with two of the Backstreet Boys, and all…but I’m not so sure it’s gonna be all it cracked up to be.

“GRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOWWWWWL” What the…?!?

“What the hell…?” Everyone stopped, when we heard the loud ass growl. It was a very distinctive growl, too. You know how bears have a certain growl…which is different from a dog growl…and so on. Well, this particular growl could be one thing, and one thing only.

“Uh…excuse me.” Howie’s cheeks flushed a light pink as he looked around, at us, shrugging his shoulders and grinning. You know…that innocent little grin, of his…makes me sick sometimes. That goes for Nick’s, too. Why don’t I have a special grin that makes all the girls melt, damn it?!? Granted, my mom says that every smile I give can melt hearts…but she’s my mom…she has to say that, right?

“Dude. Seriously?” I couldn’t help myself, from rolling my eyes at him, like he was some annoying little kid. Can you fuckin’ blame me? We went over my shitty ass situation already, did we not? Ok. Good. Then we’re on the same damn page…and you know why the fuck I’m aggravated…so cut me some damn slack, huh.

Let me tell you…reaching land wasn’t all it was fuckin’ cracked up to be, either. Here I thought our asses were saved…boy was I fucking wrong. This damn place looks deserted. Judging by where we were, when the ship went down…and what not…I’m pretty damn sure we’re on some tiny ass island…in the middle of fuckin’ nowhere. That means we aren’t likely to get saved, any damn time soon. Ain’t that about a bitch?!?

So we make it onto the damn shore and…after growling at us…Howie goes right into his ‘daddy’ mode. Isn’t this fucking peachy? Here we are…God only knows where…and Howie decides we need rules. RULES!!! The only fuckin’ rule on my damn mind right now…is…to stay ALIVE…everything else is, pretty much, just details. But Howie…Howie can’t live without everything being all fuckin’ organized and shit…he’s just as bad as Kevin!

You want rules? I’ll give your ass some rules. Here ya go. A.J. McLean’s basic guide rules to survival are as follows…

1…if it moves, but isn’t human, kill the son of a bitch and eat it.

2…make sure you grill everything over the fire before you eat it…you don’t wanna be shittin your pants, an hour, later from food poisoning.

3…water is a must…however, do not drink it if it looks, smells or tastes like shit….because that means it probably is, at least, partially…shit.

4…if you come across anything that is bigger than you…high tail your ass outta there before it gets eaten.

5…for the love of God…don’t let anything bite your ass…or any other part of your body…some of those tiny ass bugs can really fuck your ass UP. And finally…

6…Protect yourself from harsh weather…slow death by the vicious hands of mother nature...in short…sucks ass.

Howie isn’t as clear cut as I am, though…oh no…he has to plan everything out like we’re preparing for a hostile take over, or some shit. The first thing he did was split us into groups. The not-so-happy couple, and the staff dude, got put on the task, of gathering fire wood. Howie and his obsessed looking fan were setting out, to find food. Then there was me and miss cutie…on shelter duty. I feel like I’m ten years old, at a fuckin’ day camp…being paired up with a swimming buddy…but I guess she’d technically be classed as a shelter buddy…seeing as we’re out to build a shelter, not swim around a fuckin’ buoy

Like I know how the fuck to make a damn shelter? I can’t do that shit if I’m given all the supplies AND a complete set of instructions. Now I have to go improvise and find the damn supplies? We’re not even talking a trip to the damn Home Depot, here, people! I don’t have a fuckin’ tool box, of tools, or a bag of nails…hell no…I got leaves and grass…and mother…fucking…damn…vines…oh, and sand, too! This is gonna be a real trip. What joy.

To make matters worse…cutie is starting to wear down on my last fuckin’ nerve. I didn’t know the damn rocks were there, ok?!? Like I’m some fuckin’ idiot who would purposely pop the only damn boat…raft…what-the-fuck-ever…that we have? Now she’s laggin’ behind, like we have all the fuckin’ time in the damn world. It’s getting close to nightfall, damnit…we’ve been hiking for a damn hour, or more…and it looks like there’s a bad ass storm rollin’ right toward us.

“Will you hurry the fuck up, already? We seriously don’t have all damn night, woman!” I couldn’t stop myself from sounding irritated as all fuck…because I was irritated as…no wait…I was irritated far beyond all fuck!

“Stop swearing at me! I’m doing the best I can!” Oh no. No! Damnit! She’s sniffling, like she’s about to start bawling. Man, I hate it when women fuckin’ cry! Aw shit! Don’t do this to me! First she’s bitchin’ me out…then she started whining…now she’s crying?!? I just need to ignore her and focus on the task at hand.

“Look. Here are some huge ass leaves that we can use. There was some wood washed up on shore…and vines are hanging all over the place. I think we can make this work enough, to get us through tonight. Let’s head back.” I piled her arms full of the leaves and grabbed as many as I could possibly carry, before heading back to the spot Howie had declared as our campsite. I have no damn clue what kind of leaves they were…but they were fuckin’ gigantic. “If we can rig up some kind of structure, with the wood and vines, we will be able to use these leaves as the roof.” Hopefully it would give enough coverage, to keep us dry, from the rain that was obviously going to come.

“Alright.” Her voice was much softer than it was earlier…it almost sounded vulnerable, or something. Despite my severe aggravation, and all, I could tell something wasn’t right with the woman…and it hadn’t been right for a while. I’m no fuckin’ genius when it comes to women, so I’ll be damned if I really had any damn clue what the issue was…but it seemed, to me, like she was in some kind of pain…and she was starting to look mighty unstable, too.

“Hey, AJ! I caught a fish, man! Check this out!” We made the long hike back and just as we broke through the brush, into the clearing of the beach, Howie was running up, to me, like he had just won the lottery, waving a fish in the air. I’m not sure what he was planning to do with the tiny ass thing, though.

“That’s great…there’s an appetizer for one. Now…what, the fuck, about the rest of us, genius?!?”

“It’s my fish, so back up off it! I’m gonna barbeque this baby over that nice fire Resa made…and have my appetizer!” There was NO way, on God’s beloved green Earth…that I was sharing MY hard earned catch...with him.

“I told you, Howard! I fuckin’ TOLD you…that we should cancel the damn cruise! But did you listen to me? Huh? Hell fuck no! Now you’re getting all possessive over a fuckin’ fish that’s hardly even a damn mouth full!”

AJ hasn’t had a real vision, in years…at least, none that I know of. So when he came to me, about this ‘vision’, I thought he was just trying to skate out of a commitment. He has been known to do that, on occasion. Now, I’m not trying to say that he’s completely unreliable…but, he has weaseled his way out of plenty of things, in the past. I don’t wanna sound like I’m bashing my best friend, because he’s a really good guy, it’s just that if he doesn’t want to do something, it’s really hard to get him to follow through, with it.

“Don’t start, with me, McLean. I’m not, exactly in the mood, to deal with your shit. I see you eyeing my fish…and it’s just not happening. I’m not sharing, so get your own!”

He didn’t hesitate to snap, right back, at me. “Well if you hadn’t sent me on a fucking guilt trip, we wouldn’t be stranded on this damn…fucking island, in the first place! And, than you wouldn’t have to deal with my ‘shit’. On top of that…weren’t you and Resa supposed to be getting food for everyone?!? Fuckin’ Puerto is loco!”

“The cruise ship, going down…is not my fault! So shove it.” A.J. McLean might be might be my best friend…but he sure does know how to push my buttons! I’d be lying, if I said that I wasn’t ready to slap him, in the face, with my rather puny fish. “Just my luck, I get stranded with the fucking know it all. Tu me vuelves loca! A veces, lo juro por Dios, usted es peor que Nick! Tu piensas sabes todo. ¿No? ¿Y tú me dijiste loco? Dios mio!”

“I might not be as fluent as you Dorough…and you talk way too damn fast…but I know enough, to know you’re cussin’ me out! So…fuck you, right back!” Of course I was cussin’ him out! I may be the peaceful one, but I really wasn’t in the mood to be peaceful with him…at least, not right now. I had used up all my patience with my partner, over there. She was a nice enough woman, and all, but all her staring was starting to get on my nerves…especially when I’m making a fool out of myself, trying to catch this stupid fish!

“You bet your ass, I’m cussin’ you out, dipshit.” He wouldn’t even believe what I went through, to catch this thing. First off, in my effort to find a stick, I tripped over a huge root and fell flat on my face. Then I got all tangled up in the vines when I was trying to find one that I could use for a fishing line….and just like some movie, I ended up hanging by my ankle, from a tree. Don’t ask me how that’s even possible, because I haven’t figured that part out, yet. But let me tell you this, Resa was laughing so hard, at me, she had tears in her eyes. And that was just the beginning of it all.

“Ain’t this just fuckin’ peachy. Sweet fuckin’ D is cussin’ out the cusser. Bastard.” Did he really just call me a bastard?

“Don’t get me started on bastards, McLean!” He shouldn’t be talking about bastards…because technically…by definition…

“Oh hell fuck no! You’re seriously going to go there?!?” Oops…I must have said that last bit out loud. I can tell by that vein in his forehead, that’s popping out, I definitely didn’t just think that last comment. “For your damn information…in case you fuckin’ forgot…my parents were married when my mom got pregnant…and she had me! If you’re going to kick me in the damn nuts, with a blow that fuckin’ low…at least make sure you have the fuckin’ definition right, jack ass.” Now…I felt bad…not that I was going to admit it. I hadn’t meant to make that comment out loud…it was a hit, below the belt, to even bring up the situation, revolving his dad.

“That’s just a mere technicality.” I’d apologize later. Everything would be fine. See, when we fight…it’s bad…really bad. AJ, and I, both have horrible tempers…and when you mix the two together…things get ugly. We don’t really fight that often…but when we do…you better get the hell out of the way. We always make up, though, and everything is fine. It’s not like actually we mean the things we say.

“Um…maybe…” A soft voice came from behind him, which just seemed to fuel his fire. It was obvious Kristal had gotten on his nerves, while they were out gathering stuff for the shelters. Did I mention that Resa wouldn’t shut up about her ‘bestie’, either? That was another thing that was getting to me…that woman could talk. If you get right down to it, I think that the situation we’re in is just lowering my tolerance levels. Maybe once I eat this fish and get a descent night’s sleep…things will be better.

AJ shot a glare, over his shoulder, his voice not softening, in the least. “Shut the hell up, will ya? You’ve been seriously getting on my last damn nerve!” Oh yeah…we’re all stressed…sleep deprived…hungry…and dehydrated. He might not be the most polite man, in the world…but I have never heard him talk to a woman, like that. Then again the nicotine withdrawal might play a part, in his attitude, too. “And ‘technicality’, my ass, Dorough!”

“ENOUGH!” That particular scream would be coming from my ‘partner’ of the day. Tomorrow…the girls will be paired together. The guys will get the food, gather wood and all that stuff, while the girls cook…and…whatever. Wait…that would mean I’d have to spend the day with AJ…which is also not a preferable option. Ugh. I’ll have to sleep on it and figure out which is the lesser of two evils. “This is uncalled for…”

“Great…a lecture from mommy duck.”

“Have some respect and let the woman talk AJ.” I wasn’t about to stand there and just let him talk to the women, like that. He was brought up with more manners, and his mother would slap him on the back of the head, for speaking like that to any woman.

"Respect?!? YOU are gonna start talking…to ME…about respect?!? You’ve got some fuckin’ nerve…after what you just said to me…you have no room to talk!” He dropped his arm full of leaves and stepped up to me, so our noses nearly touched.

I had to look up at him a little, but that did not mean I was going to back down. I could take him to the ground with one hand tied behind my back. “I’m not worried about respecting you, when you’re being an ass hole! You’ve been a shit head since we got on that cruise ship!”

“HOWARD DWAINE DOROUGH….ALEXANDER JAMES MCLEAN! BOTH OF YOU SHUT…THE FUCK, UP!” Oh shit…full names…that’s never a good sign!

Aw shit. It’s never…ever…a good thing, when someone calls me ‘Alexander James’. Not even my own mother calls me by my full name…unless she catches me drinking or some shit like that. For some random chick…okay, so she wasn’t exactly random, anymore...but you know what I mean…to call me by my full name is, well, really fuckin’ weird.

“I can NOT believe you two are acting like this! You two were brought up better…and I know your mothers would be very ashamed of your behavior!” I was not about to admit that she had a point…but she did…and I knew it, because my mother would have a fit, if she was here. But anyone who knows me…knows that I don’t just fess up to being wrong or come right out and apologize. I’m a stubborn man, damn it. You practically have to twist my fuckin’ arm…or threaten me…to get me to do either of those things.

“He started it!” We both pointed to each other, at the same time and turned to look at each other. “No I didn’t! You did! No, I didn’t!” If any one had their doubts, it was becoming plainly fuckin’ obvious that we have…indeed…spent way too much damn time together.

“ENOUGH!” That time, I flinched. She was nearly as intimidating as my own mother…even though I’m pretty sure she was much younger than me…not that I’m saying I’m old, or anything. She was probably intimidating because she obviously had some Latin in her, too…and we all know how Latin tempers go. With three Latin tempers, on this island, it was sure to get pretty damn interesting. “Alexander…go help Kris get the shelter made. Howard…get back to fishing, so there is enough food for everyone. Blake, Marissa and Steve…you guys make sure we have plenty of wood, to last the night and find some sticks for roasting the fish. I will see if I can find anything else for food…fruit or something.”

“We really do need to prepare, because it’s already getting dark.” What a damn suck up. If he thought I was done being mad at his ass…he had another thing coming. I still can’t believe the whole ‘bastard’ thing! I was not born to unwed parents damn it…and what kind of fuckin’ friend would bring up the subject of my dad, anyways?

“Fine. Whatever.” I just rolled my eyes and scooped back up my pile of leaves, before heading back over to cutie…who I now realized was Kris…and who had already walked off to start working on our make shift shelter. I guess I could have figured both of those things out sooner, if I was paying attention, but oh well. “Hey.”

“Oh. Hi.” She looked up at me, for only a moment, before going back to her task. It looked like she was actually doing a killer job, at this. She already had a frame leaned up, using a fallen tree and some long branches…although, she seemed to be having trouble tying the vines.

Dropping my leaves, I stepped over, kneeling next to her. “Here…let me do this…you hold the wood in place. Cool?” I watched her nod silently, before handing over the vines. There was definitely something wrong with the chick, but fuck if I knew what it was. “Are you ok?”

“Huh?” When she glanced at me, for the second time, I noticed that she looked…dazed…or something. The elements and circumstances, that we were in, must be affecting her more than the rest of us. One look over her manicured nails, and soft pink sundress…and you could tell she was one of those girlie girl types. Great…she probably won’t be able to handle herself, in a survival situation, like this. You watch…the cute one is going to be the weakest damn link. That fuckin’ figures. “Oh. Yeah. I’m fine.”

“Okay.” She sure as hell didn’t seem fine, but I was not about to press the issue…because, honestly…it didn’t really matter much. Okay…I take that back…it did matter and under normal circumstances, I would probably go into my ‘sweet Alex’ mode and go all softie, trying to figure out what was wrong and all. Not today, though, I was fuckin’ cranky, damn it…and she wasn’t the only one that was tired, hungry, and dehydrated.

“Yo, J. I caught some more fish. And these ones aren’t quite as puny, either. That shelter looks like it’s coming along. And not a moment too soon, either…I’m starting to hear some thunder rumbling.” Howie shuffled toward us, dropping the fish on one of the leaves. Thank the Lord, God…there was more food! I didn’t really want to have to off the douche…Steve, was it? But if it came down to it…he’d be the first fucker to die. You bet your ass it wasn’t gonna be me! I doubt anyone would miss him anyways.

“Hey guys. Blake, and I are taking Marissa…and we’re headed to the other side of the island.” Speak of a douche bag…and he shall appear. Even his voice was like scraping nails down a fucking chalk board…annoying as all fuckin’ hell.

“Say what? You do realize it’s practically dark out…AND there’s a storm rolling in? Are you as big of a fuckin’ idiot, as you look?” Yes…I was looking at him like he was the…BIGGEST moron to ever walk the Earth, too. None of us knew what was out in those woods…that jungle…what-the-hell-ever you wanna call it. It was completely fucking retarded to go out there…especially NOW. Hell, not even Nick is that stupid!

“Yes…I realize that…but I saw a movie once…” This fuckin’ idiot has got to be joking me! “…where these people got stranded on what the thought was a deserted island…” Oh for fuck sake! Really?!? “…but come to find out, there was civilization on the other side of the island, the whole damn time. I bet we just washed up on the unpopulated beach or something.” Was he seriously going to make a life or death decision…based…on a DAMN movie.

“Damn…you ARE as retarded as you fuckin’ look. Fine. What-the-hell-ever, man. Bye. Good riddance, ass hole. We don’t need some damn moron being the fuckin’ weak link, anyways. See ya!” Huffing, I turned back around to cutie and started helping her layer the leaves in a shingle type pattern. The way this baby is set up, we should stay nice and dry, all night. Hallelujah!

“I wouldn’t recommend leaving the group, guys. We have a better chance of surviving, if we stay together. At least wait until morning, huh?” Howie…always the good natured one, trying to help everyone out. As far as I’m concerned…let them go. It just means more food, water and sleeping room for us.

“Please stay?” Alright…shitty ass mood aside…cutie was looking even worse, than before, and she was barely talking above a whisper now. She seemed…so…out of it, as she sat down, holding her head and closing her eyes. “You could…get…hurt…or lost.”

“I found some fruit!” Resa walked out from the trees, just as cutie slumped over, falling against me. “Oh, Kris! Not again!” That’s great…I’ve been either mentally or verbally cussin’ the chick out all day…and now she’s passed out on me. What the fuck?!? I can hear my mother’s voice now…“See? Now don’t you feel bad for acting like you have, toward her?”

The sun light, peeking through the leaves, of our shelter, was what woke me. I could still feel the piercing pain radiating through my head, but it was much more tolerable than it has been the past couple days. Because of a head injury, I’m very prone to severe migraines…especially if I go without sleep or food…or if I’m exposed to the sun too long. Since we’ve gone a few days enduring all of the above, it’s pretty safe to say I’ve had the worst migraine imaginable.

Judging by the fact that it’s morning…that I don’t remember anything after working on the shelter…and I’m squished between AJ and Resa, in said shelter…I’m going to say it’s a safe assumption that I passed out last night. It’s not even technically passing out…I just fall asleep really…really easily. My brain just kind of shuts down by itself, sometimes…partly because of the migraines and partly because of my borderline narcolepsy. But if you don’t know me, or my issues, very well it would seem as if I fainted or something. Enough about my issues, though…we don’t need to get too detailed about them or we’ll be here for decades…I’m one messed up chick, let me tell ya!

Since I unintentionally, bailed on the group, last night, I figured it would be good for me to get up and work on something, for food. Sitting up, I look around to survey my surroundings better and I come to realize that there are just four, of us, now. I can’t believe the others actually left, in the middle of the night. Everyone knows that you’re supposed to stay in one spot, as long as you can, to wait for rescue. If you wander off, you could get yourself even more lost and reduce your chances of being found. Oh well…there’s no use in wasting precious energy, worrying about them…they made their choice.

Carefully maneuvering over AJ’s sleeping body, so that I don’t hurt or wake him, I crawl out of the shelter and into the daylight. A quick glance around our little camp site, I can tell a few things, right away…

1…it rained last night.

2…someone was able to find a few coconuts and plantains, for food.

3…all but two of those plantains are gone.

4…a couple coconuts are mutilated from the others trying to break them open.

5…it rained A LOT last night.

6…there is quite a bit of debris washed up, down on the shore line.

7…did I mention that it rained? Because it did. A LOT.

8…the fire is completely…and totally…out.

Now the question was…where do I start? Hm. Everyone else seemed pretty dead, to the world, at the moment. I should have plenty of time to gather up some of the debris…who knows what could be washed up and anything would prove useful, right about now.

Picking up a coconut, I walked a short distance to a broken tree. The stump had pointed section, just sharp enough, to husk the coconut. “Now…let’s see if I can remember how to properly do this...whack…wiggle…pry…” I mumbled to myself…something I do a little too often…as I whacked the coconut against the pointed edge. Careful not to hurt myself, I wiggled the coconut onto the edge and used the leverage to pry the husk up.

After a good ten minutes, or so, of husking it, I was able to stab a stick through one of the ‘eyes’ on the end of it and drink the milk. Coconut milk is kinda like nature’s Gatorade…it will not only hydrate you but it provides protein, fat, and…uh…other vitamins. I’m not sure all of what it has, but I do remember that it’s really good for you. The coconut meat is pretty darn good too, but I’d save that for later. For now, the milk would provide enough energy to get a few things done.

After husking a few more coconuts, for the others, I headed down the shore a bit, to gather up whatever I could find. There wasn’t really anything super helpful, but I did find a few articles of torn clothing, a rather dull pocket knife, another deflated life raft, a few shoes that didn’t even match, an old tin can, a zip lock baggie of bobby hair pins, two combs with most of the teeth missing, some shells, and ironically…half of a broken Backstreet Boys CD. There was more trash and stuff further on down the beach, but that could be investigated later. I’m quite positive that there will be a lot of ‘treasure hunts’ in our future.

“There you are. Where the hell have you been?!?” Great…I had expected AJ to be in a better mood, but he was already giving me attitude. What was with him, anyways? Other than arguing with him a bit, I haven’t actually done anything to make him hate me. But there must be some reason that he openly didn’t like me. And why…oh why…had I previously claimed him as my favorite Boy, in the group? Screw it…I’m switching to Nick.

“Instead of waking everyone, I wandered down the beach a little and picked up some crap I found washed up on the sand. Did you sleep well? There are some coconuts husked…you should drink up.” Grabbing one of them, I poked a hole in one of the ‘eyes’, just like before, and handed it to him.

“I slept on the hard ground…in my wet jeans…squished up beside you…” There was that wonderful, attitude, of his…again. Was he like this all the time? Or was it really just me that he didn’t like? “…I slept just fuckin’ peachy. And thanks mommy…my stomach is twisted up in fuckin’ knots, but the thought of eating never even crossed my damn mind.”

“Is sarcasm just a part of a complete breakfast, for you…or do you make it a part of every meal?” I turned, with a huff, just as Howie and Resa appeared from out of the shelter. “Holy crap Howie! What happened to your eye?!? That’s a real shiner, you got there!”

“HA! You missed a hell of a night, last night cu…Kris.” Aj’s voice has suddenly turned chipper, and he was trying…unsuccessfully…to hold back his laughter. Talk about a drastic change in attitude. “D threw a coconut against a tree…”

“Yeah…yeah…it rebounded and got me in the eye. It’s not really that funny, AJ.” Now that I’m taking a good look…Howie’s pretty cute with his brows all wrinkled, like that…just don’t tell Resa that I thought that. Ha!

“Fuck yeah, it is…it was a gut buster, man.”

“Shut up.”

“Don’t start fighting, you two.” And there we have Resa’s new motto…or catch phrase…or whatever. I think she’s said it like…fifty times since the cruise ship went down…but only twice since we’ve set foot on land...so maybe there’s hope for this group, after all. Although I wouldn’t count on that…not with Mr. Attitude McLean and his sarcasm.

“You threw…the coconut…at a…tree?” Lifting my brow, I tilted my head and stared at Howie…basically, I was looking at him like he was a nutcase. Forgive me if it sounded really dumb…I mean…who, the heck, would think throwing it at a tree would help?

“That’s what we said. See…he grabbed the damn coconut…” Oh great…now AJ was acting like I was the stupid one. And his bad attitude was back…so much for the chipper AJ. He stood up, grabbing one of the un-husked coconuts and walked over toward a large tree. “…he stood like he was pitching in a fuckin’ baseball game…” Oh this was going to be good. Aj was actually reenacting what happened…putting his right foot behind his left, holding the coconut in his right hand as he brought it back, like one would do with a baseball. “…then the idiot pitched the coconut…at the tree…like this…” Yup…there went the coconut, flying through the air, hurling toward the tree. Crossing my arms over my chest, and sticking my hip out, I stood there with a very amused look on my face until…

*SMACK*

“SON OF A FUCKING BITCH…DAMN SHIT FUCKING HIT MY DAMN EYE…MOTHER FUCKER! OW! DAMN IT!” The grown man clutched his right eye as his knees buckled, sending him into the sand.

“Now who’s the idiot?” There was no way I was helping him. This was his own fault. A moment ago, I was wondering who the hell would try opening a coconut by throwing it at a tree; but now I was forced to wonder… “Who the hell would DEMONSTRATE how the events unfolded? Honestly?!? Purposely throwing a coconut…at a tree…knowing what already happened to Howie? This isn’t an episode of ‘Jack Ass’!”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP! OH GOD…DAMN IT…MY FUCKIN’ EYE!” Oh for heaven sake…I can’t help it…I’m naturally the caring, motherly type. Perhaps it’s just a habit…ever since I got into the culinary world, and at almost every place I’ve worked…I’ve been the only female on the kitchen crew, so I always had to play the nurse and tend to their wounds, when the men did something stupid and hurt themselves. It’s actually kind of funny because, under normal circumstances, the sight of blood makes me nauseous and even makes me faint; but yet when someone cuts off the tip of their finger or burns their skin off…I can take care of it. See? I told you I was a messed up chick.

“Oh come here, you big baby. Let me see it.” Kneeling beside him, in the sand, I tried to move his hand away. I’m sure it would just end up a black eye that matched Howie’s, but there’s always that possibility of the injury being much worse, so it had to be checked out.

“He won’t let you. He’s stubborn and likes trying to maintain his ‘bad boy’ image.” Howie had a laugh, in his voice, as he and Resa worked together on getting the fire started back up.

“I don’t need any fuckin’ help. Like there’s a damn thing you can fuckin’ do about it?” He gave me a scowl, keeping the injured eye covered with his hand. Flopping backwards, he fell off his knees to lie back in the sand.

This was completely ridiculous. “Wow. For such a bad ass attitude…it doesn’t take much to bring you to your knees, huh? Quit being a baby and let me look at it, already.”

“Bite me.”

“I don’t see how biting you is gonna help…but okay…”

The bitch bit me! She actually grabbed my damn arm…and fuckin’ BIT ME!!! “Who the fuck actually bites someone, when they say ‘bite me’? It’s just a fuckin’ phrase! Crazy ass bitch! What the hell?!?” Now I have a black eye and a bite mark on my arm.

“Excuse you?!? What did you just call me? Say it again…go ahead.” Ha! Yeah right, cutie…I’m smarter than that. Women are not creatures to mess with, let me tell ya. I’ve learned that the hard way.

“Oh you heard me loud and clear, baby. Now shouldn’t you be sweeping the shelter’s floor or some shit?” Cocking one brow up, I stood to my feet and peered down at her. She was a good five inches shorter than me but that didn’t stop her from snappin’ right back. With her hands firmly placed on her hips she gave me a fuckin’ death glare from hell.

“Oh hell no! That’s not even right, and you damn well know it, too, McLean. Your mother is an amazing woman and I know she taught you better than that. Stop acting like a sexist pig! And I am not your baby!” That’s a new one. I have been called a lot of things in my day, but no one has ever called me that before…I guess my comment could be taken as sexist. Oh well…it’s not like I’m really worried about her opinion anyways. Although she is a fan and she was on the DLF cruise…so I probably should be nicer.

“Sorry.” Okay…that didn’t exactly sound sincere. Judging by the way her face just fell and her eyes rolled…she knew it, too. But she was right about my mom…my mom was wonderful and really had raised me to be a gentlemen toward women.

“You know what…fine…whatever.” She turned on her heel, so fast, that sand kicked up a little bit. Grabbing Resa’s arm, she started stomping off down the beach. “Come on Resa. Let’s go gather more supplies and find some more food. The men can tend to the fire or something.”

Women are strange creatures. I don’t think a man has ever lived, that didn’t wish women came with fuckin’ handbooks…instruction manuals…or something. Over the years, I have had to learn quite a few things, about dealing with women, the hard way.

As a matter of fact…here you go. AJ McLeans basic guide rules to women are as follows…

1…When a woman says “Go ahead.” …like what just happened to me…the woman is daring you…not giving you permission. Do not fuckin’ do it, jack ass!

2…Now when cutie said “Fine.” …it was really her way of ending the argument and saying “You’re an idiot. I’m right and you better shut up.”

3…“Whatever” …translates to “Fuck you!” Women LOVE this word!

4…Women never…and I mean fuckin’ NEVER let you forget the shit you say or do. Five years from now…if I still know her…cutie will bring up this damn incident as some kind of damn proof, for whatever fuckin’ point she’s trying to make, at that moment.

5… “Nothing” is seriously the most dangerous word, in the female language. It never…EVER…means “nothing”. If a woman ever answers you with this word…high tail your fuckin’ ass outta there as fast as humanly possible! Because “Nothing” leads to a loud sigh…then to “fine”…and back around to “whatever”.

6… That loud sigh, I mentioned, is a very misunderstood statement. Yes…the loud sigh is a non verbal statement. This is just another damn way of her saying “You’re a moron. Why do I even waste my time with you?”.

7…Women are full of double standards, too. She can go all goo goo over that buff, tan guy on the beach but your ass is ground burger if you even think about checking out another woman.

8…If she says to give her “five minutes”…be prepared to wait a half hour…or longer. But if she gives you “five minutes”…you don’t have a fuckin’ millisecond longer than that. If it hits five minutes and one second…your ass is fuckin’ grass, buddy! Better believe it!

9…Women always have the right to be all cute and fuckin’ flirtatious, whenever, wherever and with whoever they want. You, however, better not wink at another woman…take a second glance at another woman…flirt with another woman…or even say “Hello” in a manner that could be mistaken as flirting.

10… Do NOT…under ANY circumstances…EVER answer the “Does this make me look fat?” question! It’s a trap damn it! Don’t fall for it! If you were to say “yes”…it would make you the biggest fuckin’ idiot that ever lived. This is obviously a stupid move. But some men don’t realize that saying “no” is just as damaging. If you say “no” it will send her into fuckin’ hysterics and it will go a little something like this… “You’re a liar! You think I’m ugly and fat, don’t you?!? I saw you look at that skinny ho, in the mall! You don’t even want me, do you? DO YOU?!?” Trust me…it’s not pretty. So if you’re asked…faint or some shit…do whatever you have to do to avoid answering.

11…See the above guideline and apply it if she asks “Do you think she is prettier than me?” or anything even remotely fuckin’ similar.

12…This is the most important rule. It can and will apply to nearly everything…so…when in doubt…keep your fuckin’ mouth SHUT and avoid the whole damn situation!

Trust me on this, guys. You don’t want to try testing these rules…I promise you, they are really damn accurate. Oh…and don’t trust a woman if she claims that she’s “not like that” because I can pretty much guarantee you…she is.

“Well…you two argue like an old married couple.” OH! That reminds me! I had another damn vision last night. I’m not so sure I should tell him about it, though…at least, not yet. The vision was of me and cutie walking down the aisle, as the maid of honor and best man, at his wedding. He was getting married to Resa! I know he and Leigh were talking divorce and all, but I would imagine that he’d stay far away from getting tied back down, again.

“Shut the fuck up, D. She’s getting on my last damn nerve. I don’t know how long I can deal with her shit.” Grabbing a few branches, I kneeled down to help him finish getting the fire going. He and Resa had gotten it sparked, so we just had to build it up. I was never in Boy Scouts or anything, so I’m not exactly the most knowledgeable in some of this fuckin’ shit. I’m not an idiot though and this can’t be too damn hard, right?

“You’ll have to learn to deal with each other.” Yeah yeah…daddy D is gonna send me to the time out corner for not being nice to the other little kids. Whatever…he’s not the boss of me! Wow…did I seriously just think that? Hm. That’s actually a tad childish. “For now, though, we’ll finish with the fire then see what we can catch for fish.”

“We need to figure out a way of getting our shelter off the ground too. I got seriously eaten by bugs last night and I swear to God, I heard rats or something running around.” Just the thought of rats crawling over me, while I slept, was enough to make me shudder. Yuck. I’m not scared of them or anything, mind you, so don’t go thinking I’m a fuckin’ pansy or some shit, like that. But who knows what kind of damn diseases and shit they could be carrying.

“Good idea, J. Maybe we can construct some sort of hammocks, or something. There sure are enough vines and stuff around here.” This fire was actually coming along great and starting to burn rather nicely. “It looks like Kris found some good stuff on the beach, too. Maybe we can find some more stuff down there that will help?”

“I suppose so. I mean the rafts are pretty unfixable, so maybe those can be made into hammocks or used for roofs. Tropical storms are pretty unpredictable…thank God it’s not hurricane season, yet.” Both of us stood up and dusted the sand off our pants. The fire was going really good now, so we could start teaming up on better shelters and more food. Maybe I wouldn’t get stuck squashed beside cutie, again, tonight.

You know…I’ve come to realize, over the years…the cute ones are always lesbian, married, or fuckin’ crazy! This one…is fuckin’ CRAZY!

“Let’s get to it then. Maybe you can redeem yourself and get back on Kris’ good side.” Oh yeah…he’s laughing now…but you just wait until he finds out about my little vision! Although…I’m not entirely sure it was a vision and not just a dream. But it did have that vision quality, to it. Either way, I’m keeping my mouth shut, for now.

“I don’t give a shit about redeeming myself. But let’s go. I’m still hungry and I…wait…what the fuck was that noise?!?”

Howie and I both looked at each other, listening closely. I have no idea what made the high pitched noise. To be honest, I wasn’t sure I really wanted to know. But, once the strange squealing noise turned into two girls cracking up…I knew one of them had made the screech. My money…was on cutie…she seems like the squealing type.

“What did those girls get themselves into?”

“Like I fuckin’ know?” Why does he always ask me stupid ass questions? Am I standing next to the girls? Do I have super human sight? No? No? I didn’t think so. Just as we started heading toward the sounds, of the commotion, Kris came running out of the trees, completely covered in mud and laughing her ass off.

“Eew! Eew..ew..ew! Gross! I’m all nasty now!” By the way she was running, you’d think she was covered in flesh eating fire ants and desperately trying to get them off…wait…do fire ants even eat flesh? You know what…it doesn’t matter…you get the damn point. Her hands were trying to wipe off the mud while her hips wiggled around. The chick was grossed out by mud?

“Don’t go trying to wash off in the damn ocean! There might be those little fuckin’ jelly thing-a-ma-jigs in there.” Well damn…that statement made me sound like a genius, didn’t it? She stopped and turned around to look at me like I had flipped my lid.

“You mean…jellyfish?” One of those perfectly manicured eyebrows arched up. Yep. She was thinking I’m a damn moron for not knowing the name of the fuckin’ things. But I did know…I just…forgot…you know what…forget it…you ain’t in no damn position to judge!

“What the hell ever. You know what I mean, damnit.”

“Look. AJ. We’ve already been in this water…remember? When we came ashore? And furthermore, I am not…I repeat…not going to be walking around…covered in mud. I feel yucky!” Shuddering her shoulders, for effect, she turned her back to me and walked into the water…but she was only up to her knees, so far. “But I’ll tell you what…if I get stung by jellyfish and die…I give you permission to eat me. Kay?”

“Ha! Hate ta break it to ya, darlin’…but the only women I eat…are alive…and trust me…even on this deserted island…with no other choices…there’s no way you’re even gonna make it on that list.” Maybe that was harsh. I’m not really that shallow, ok? But you gotta understand…

*SLAP* “Jerk!” Yeah…I deserved that. I’m not even gonna deny it…it’d be a waste of my breath. But that shit stung like a bitch!

“FUCK!” I rubbed my cheek and watched her bound into the water, squealing that it was cold. Cutie had a good arm…and she got me right below my black eye. I hate getting slapped by women, but I guess all men do. It’s like…degrading and it bruises the ego a fair bit, too.

“You deserved that.” That would be Howie…always the first to point out my fuck ups and rub ‘em in my face. Thanks a lot. Some best friend, huh?

“No shit, captain obvious. Damnit, that hurt!” I sent a glare her way, although it went unnoticed since she was too busy washing off the ‘yucky’ mud. Who, over the age of five, even says ‘yucky’? Whatever. I really need to learn how to just ignore her. She’s one of those chicks that isn’t too bad, to look at…but safer, if you just keep your damn distance. What a psycho.

“Ass hole.” Well, at least Resa didn’t slap me. That was a plus. Honestly, I was kind of expecting her to.

“Yeah. Thank a bunch. You’re a real peach.” I was SO done dealing with them. Screw ‘em…well…not literally, of course.

“Peaches don’t grow in bunches. Technically.” Nice. Cutie is annoying AND likes to get all technical. Kevin does that shit…not that I’ve seen him in like…forever. We always say that we all still keep in touch and whatever…but that’s only sorta true. I mean…the guy hasn’t even met the woman I’m supposed to fuckin’ marry and I haven’t actually spoken to him in…probably…like a year, or so.

“Yeah…how about you ask me if I even fuckin’ care?”

“How about we walk this way, hm?” And now I’m being dragged away by Mr. Stumpy here. Now is one of those moments that I curse myself for letting D get buffer, than me. I gotta hand it to him…shorty has descent muscle. I’m just scrawny…not that Rochelle…or any other woman…has ever complained. You don’t gotta have muscle to…you know what…how about we don’t talk about my skills in bed, hm? It’s not exactly important, right this moment.

“You better not be taking their side, man! I’m supposed to be your best friend! What ever happened to backin’ your brotha up?” I had to give a firm tug, to break my arm from his grip. But, instead of marching right back and continuing the verbal war, with the girls…I figured it was a better use of energy, to wander down the beach and see what I can find. As long as I stay close to shore, I’ll have no issues finding my way back

“First off…I’m not from ‘da hood’…you aren’t my ‘brotha’. And you know I don’t take sides, Alexander. I do my best to remain the…”

“…the neutral party. Yeah, yeah…I know.” My eyes were actually starting to ache from as much as I had been rolling them, so I just started to walk off. I needed a little time out anyways. Yeah…it might sound weird or whatever, but with my temper and all…I have to give myself time out sometimes…like a cool down period, ya know? Otherwise my temper gets a little bit…well…you kinda got the idea when Howie and I got into it.

I really need to get a handle on myself. Admittedly…I’ve been a douche to everyone, the past couple of days. The ship going down…like I had envisioned, mind you…really put me in a really sour mood and I just couldn’t seem to shake it off, for the life of me. Ugh, shit…this is my last smoke, too, damnit.

Taking the lone cigarette, out of the pack, I put it to my lips and lit the end. Mmm…a nice long drag was just what the doctor ordered. Oh and look…a ratty bed sheet. Granted the pink floral print is a little too feminine for my taste, but I can use this to carry whatever else I find. How useful. Maybe I shouldn’t have bitched Kris out earlier…there really was a lot to be found on the shore. On top of that, the sand felt good on the bare feet…nice and relaxing.

Alright…another drag down and a few notches calmer…time to evaluate the situation here. Howie, and I, were already over our dispute, from yesterday. I told you it would be forgotten, in no time, and we’d be back to normal. Although, his bastard comment still stings a tad bit, but we won’t let him know that it got to me. Can you blame me though? Growing up without my dad around sucked and it has had a lasting effect on me. On the other hand, being raised by my mom and grandparents has made me a more sensitive man…not that you can tell by my behavior lately.

Man, those girls must think I’m a complete ass wipe. I’m not, though. In all actuality, I’m the biggest softie you’ll ever meet and I actually do feel really bad for how I’ve acted. Those girls never did anything to me…I really have no reason to act like a douche. I just don’t disperse my anger in a healthy way…at least that’s what they told me in rehab. Generally, I have people I can call, to talk to about my issues and stuff, so I don’t run out and drink. There are two problems with that though…one, I have no line of communication and two, I don’t even have any alcohol TO drink.

Bummer.

Now that I’ve thought about it…I really want a drink. Damnit. I’m done with my last smoke, too. Well ain’t this fuckin’ peachy? My nerves are a lot less frazzled, at this moment…but I know the sate of peacefulness won’t be long lived. And I still don’t care that peaches don’t grow in bunches…just sayin’.

At least I’ve found some crap on the beach that might come in handy. Let’s see…a little bucket, half a pair of scissors, a pair of ladylike yellow sunglasses, a leather wallet with money I can’t use on a deserted island, a couple rubber ponytail holder thingies, a metal nail file, an old 9 volt battery and some coiled up wire. Whoopie, huh? But I’m sure this stuff will come in handy somehow…maybe.

Time to head back to the base camp, I guess. Between the walking, the smoke, talking to myself like a fuckin’ nut case and the whole beach environment has calmed me a fair bit…so I suppose I should apologize, to the girls.

Ooo…what’s that? I see something shiny!

I can not believe Kris actually slapped him! After his comment, though, I don’t blame her one bit. Actually…to be honest…I’m quite proud of her for doing it. It’s not something she would usually do, so it caught me by surprise. And just like a whiney little baby…AJ stormed off in a little fit. Men! I swear, they can be worse than children.

“Eeew! I’m completely covered in this mud! I feel so gross. Yuck!” If I had to point out the biggest difference between me and Kris…it’d be that she is such a GIRL! I’m more of a tom boy, per say. Being covered in mud isn’t really that bad. I can’t count the number of times I’ve rolled around in the mud, wrestling a cousin or something, like that.

“You’re the goof that tried to climb up a vine.” Now I have to admit…the whole scene was rather amusing, to me. She thought she could climb up a vine, to get more bananas. Now see…when I had been out last night, to search for food, I was lucky enough to find a few that had just fallen. I didn’t try pulling some funky Tarzan moves, to get them.

“We need more food! And they really weren’t that high up. I thought I could get them.” With that said, she dunked back under the water. How did she end up my best friend? Ha! I’ve asked myself that many times. I think it has to do with her high energy and random goofiness…it’s a lot like mine. “Do you wanna just live off coconuts for the rest of your life?”

“No. But I’m not planning on being stuck here for the rest of my life, either.”

“Well I’m not either. But let’s face it…it could be weeks before we are rescued…months…heaven forbid, but even years!” Her eyes bugged out and her hands flew into the air dramatically. She was definitely a piece of work, but Lord knows I love her.

“Aren’t you blowing this out of proportion…just a little? I mean…we’re stranded…with two of the Backstreet Boys, for heaven sake. They’ll have search parties out looking and we’ll be rescued in no time.” All things considered, it really shouldn’t be that long before someone rescues us. I mean the guys aren’t in their heyday anymore, but surely they are still famous enough to still be considered a top priority. Right? God, I sure hope so! They couldn’t possibly just be forgotten…too many fans are still loyally devoted to them. Yes. Yes. We’ll be found in no time, at all! Granted…we’d probably get found a lot faster, if Nick was stranded with us.

“Oh pah lease! We have the two least loved Backstreet Boys stranded with us. Hello! When does Howie ever sing lead?! I mean really…he sings like he got his balls caught in his zipper!” She always does that! She picks on Howie…JUST because he’s my favorite, out of the group.

“Oh don’t you start with me, woman! It’s not like AJ is all that popular either…he looks like a gang banger billboard, for tattoos and stupid socks!”

“I’m not disputing the sock comment.” Our eyes locked and we had a moment long staring contest before we both burst out into a fit of laughter. Kris was having a hard time breathing, and my sides were starting to hurt, when I got blindsided with a wall of water.

“What the hell?!?”

“You should…have seen….the look…on your…face…” Oh…she was goin’ down! Without another word we started splashing each other and before I knew it, she was on my back, trying to dunk me under the water.

“Get…off…me!” Luckily I was able to fling her off and into the water. Just as she surfaced, sputtering and wiping her hair out of her face, AJ came running down the beach. He was waving something in the air that was shining in the sunlight. What was that thing?

On a side note…let’s get one thing very clear…Alexander James McLean is getting on my last damn nerve! When…and if…we ever get rescued…I’m going to be having a long chat with his mother. I know it sounds like something you would do when you’re dealing with a five year old…but I feel like I am dealing with a five year old. He’s been extremely childish and it’s rather irritating!

Yes…I know the man has issues, alright? He has a rocky past with drugs, alcohol, partying, bad relationships…then he has the AJ / Alex complex. I can tell you right now…I have yet to see the soft, gentle, sweet side of that man. From
what we’ve always been told…he is the biggest softie of the group…the biggest romantic…and a complete sweetheart, with a heart of gold. That side of him must be buried deep beneath all the other layers…either that, or I’ve just completely missed it.

Ever since we boarded that cruise ship…he’s been in a sour puss mood. Quite frankly, I find it very annoying. At first I thought maybe he had gotten into a fight with Rochelle…but I heard him talking on the phone with her, just after the ship set sail, and they were all lovey dovey. It was sickening. Then I thought maybe he just hasn’t gotten laid in a while…you know men get cranky if they don’t get the goods…but let’s face it…what are the odds of that being an issue for him?

Howie hasn’t been his usual self, either…he seems distracted…like he is really stressing over something or dealing with some kind of problems. I guess you can’t expect them to always be in the best mood. They are human after all. Maybe I’ll talk to him later and see if everything is okay. I’m a pretty good listener…maybe he’d confide in me, if something was really bothering him.

So I can excuse Howie for his odd behavior…and give him the benefit, of the doubt. He probably just has a lot on his mind, and at least he hasn’t been having a serious attitude problem. But I do know AJ doesn’t have an excuse for his behavior. He has been a total jerk and his mom would freak if she found out he was speaking to any woman in the manner he’s been speaking to us…especially how he’s talked to Kris. I bet…even at his age…his mama would adjust his attitude, real quick! I can just see Denise now…hands on her hips…looking up at him…with a wooden spoon in one hand…“You know better than that! Bend that tattooed rear end over, young man! This is gonna hurt me, more than it’s gonna hurt you!”

Off onto another side note…why do the adults always say that? My grandma took a wooden spoon to my butt a few times and that hurt like hell! All she got was maybe a sore wrist, or arm, from swingin’ the spoon. Kids these days have it so easy. If an adult raises a hand…even without the spoon…they can claim child abuse! Ha! I think that’s backwards…the ones that don’t get the discipline are the ones likely to turn out even more messed up. But hey…I’ve never met a person who wasn’t messed up in some way, shape, or form.

“Didn’t you make a smart ass comment when I ran down the beach waving something in the air and screaming?” I could barely hear Howie, as he crawled out from under the collapsed shelter. When had that happened? Hum. I guess I was so into goofing off with Kris, that I completely missed the mishap.

“What did you find AJ? And what happened to our shelter, Howie?” Leaving Kris behind, I headed out of the water, toward our little camp site. My gaze floated back and forth between them, now being able to identify the small pot in AJ’s hands.

“I found a pot! Now we can boil some water, to drink!” At least he looked like he was in a better mood. That was a definite plus! Maybe he just needed a walk…some time to himself…the ability to let go of his stress and agitation…the chance to just cool off. Everyone need a little alone time, sometimes…it can be an amazing way to lift your spirits.

“Well…actually…” Kris came up beside me, trying to wring the water out of her hair. Have I mentioned that I’d love to have her hair? She says it’s a poop brown color, but I like it. It has little highlights of strawberry blonde in it and it’s not actually poop brown, to begin with. “…just boiling ocean water won’t make it drinkable.”

“Oh great…here we go again…little miss know it all…” And now is the precise moment that I decided to stop listening. I can only handle so much of those two fighting. Luckily Howie was on the same brain wave, and stepped over to gently touch my arm.

“Hey…you wanna give me a hand? I’m trying to get our shelter up off the ground…like make covered hammocks or something. Maybe you can offer a fresh take on it, because I seem to be having issues getting it to work.” That man has some seriously gorgeous eyes…I’m just sayin.

I wasn’t going to turn him down, on this offer…that’s for sure! “Yeah. Sure. Anything to get away from the bickering. Who knew two people…who hardly know each other…could have such issues with each other.” Following him over to the shelter, that now looked more like a pile of rubble; I snuck a glance at his back end. Oh come on…can you blame me? You know you would have done it too! It’s as gorgeous as his eyes are!

“AJ isn’t usually like this but once he’s gotten into that mode, with someone, it’s hard to shake him out of it. Let’s not discuss that, though.”

“Yeah…let’s not. So…um…” My sentence trailed off, as I looked at the pile of debris. Suddenly…I realized something.

Cutie was really starting to push my buttons, let me tell ya! Does she feel like she’s better than everyone else, or something? Is that why she’s always rubbing shit in my face, if I’m not all technical or whatever? I wish I knew what her damn problem was!

“I’m not trying to be a know it all, AJ. But…” Her tongue darted out to wet her lips, although the rest of her was already soaked from the ocean water. “It’s just that I don’t want anyone to get sick. The pot was an amazing find and it’s going to be very helpful…we can use it to boil the water…”

“I thought boiling it wouldn’t make it drinkable?” Lifting a brow, I crossed my arms and watches her move the dripping strands of hair from where they stuck to her collarbone. This woman is going to be the death of me. I can see it now…Backstreet Boy, AJ McLean is the first man in history to be annoyed to death. He died from a brain aneurism that was actually caused by some short chick, on a deserted island, driving him bonkers. MTV news aughta get some real good ratings outta that one!

“It won’t. But if we use a banana leaf or something to catch the steam, as it boils…we can have another container catch the water as it rolls down the leaf. Only water can evaporate…so therefore, the steam is pure, fresh water. Once the steam is collected and cooled…we can drink it. It’s called distillation. And I thought it was common knowledge.” Did she seriously expect me to know that? I can hardly remember anything that isn’t a copyright of the group.

“Oh…so now I’m an idiot, because I didn’t know that?! Hello?!? I’m famous…and rich…I don’t even need to know my alphabet!” I might not be the brightest bulb in the box, alright…but I’m no idiot! Half the world thinks that I’m dumb, just because I sing for a living! Well, fuck ‘em! I’m pretty damn smart, thankyouverymuch! Not that I need to be…as long as I can memorize the songs and dance steps…I’m golden, baby!

“No! I never…I mean I…” Her eyes had widened, in…concern? …worry? …offense? …something like that. She waved a hand in the air and shook her head, as if to convince me she hadn’t meant it.

“Yeah…right…whatever. God…” This woman is impossible! Cute but annoying as all fuck. How many times have I said that…ten? …twenty? …not enough! I bet she doesn’t even have a man…she probably chases them all off. I know I’d be running, if I had a place to run. “…you should get ‘run for your damn life’ tattooed on your fuckin’ forehead…it’s the least you could do, to warn a guy that you’re a complete psycho bitch.” Ouch. That was harsh. What the hell is my problem? Damn it, McLean…THINK before you open your damn mouth! I better pray these girls never meet my mother…I’m telling you now…my mom would grill my scrawny ass and feed me to a group of crazy merciless fans, if she knew the things that were coming out of my mouth.

“I…I’m…sorry.” Hell…after seeing the look on her face…I was about ready to grill my own ass…I was even going to apologize, but she ducked her head and started walking off before I got the words out. Granted…I could have gone after her…but my ego wouldn’t let me, so I just watched her for a moment and then walked over to the fire.

Resa and Howie looked to be making a lot of progress on our new, and improved, sleeping arrangements. I was looking forward to not getting eaten alive by creepy crawlies tonight. I still missed home and my king size bed, though. At least the fire was going pretty good. Maybe I should work on catching some fish for dinner since the shelter project is under control. There was just one problem…I’ve got absolutely no idea how to do that!

“Let’s see what I can rig up, shall we?” Yes…I talk to myself…quite often, actually. Oh you know you do it too. Now…where to start? Between what cutie found earlier and what I’ve gathered, off the beach, there has got to be some stuff I can use.

Ten minutes later, I was attempting to twist a bobby pin into the shape of a fish hook. I wasn’t quite sure what to use as fishing line, but I’d figure it out. Maybe if I used a thinner vine? Oh! Or thread from that old, girlie bed sheet. I could braid some thread to make it stronger and tie it to my make shift hook here…oh wait…I’m not exactly that great when it comes to braiding. I guess I’ll have to talk to one of the girls about that…and judging by the issues Resa and Howie are having with the vines right now…I’m gonna guess that my best bet would be to ask Kris. That could be a problem though…seeing as I’m not exactly on her good side, right now.

If I’m gonna need help from her, I’ll have to get her un pissed at me. Chocolate and flowers would normally be my first choice when it came to apologizing to a woman, but obviously that’s not an option right now. So, I’m going to have to find a different way of getting myself out of this shit hole. Although not impossible, it’s a bit more complicated when you’re stranded on a deserted island. So…here we go again…

A.J. McLean’s basic guide rules for apologizing to a woman and getting out of the dog house when there is no place to buy chocolate or flowers…

1. Grow some balls and say the three words a man never ever likes to say… ‘I was wrong.’ Those three words are harder to utter than ‘I love you’ but, to a woman, they are just as important.

2. Three more magic words that will nearly kill a man to say… ‘You were right.’ Why do women always like to hear the things that we can’t say, without feeling like we’re gonna vomit?

3. In this particular case…you could get around actually saying these things…by writing them in the sand. It’s like a double whammy because chicks dig the whole ‘note written in the sand’ bit, too. To them…it’s sweet and thoughtful…to us…it’s a loophole so we don’t have to actually speak the words…and women call us stupid. HA!

4. If you have a decent voice, like I do, singing is always an option. Nothing makes a chick melt in to putty, like a good voice singing to her. This actually works for way more than just apologies, too, by the way…but we’ll get into that later.

5. I don’t know if it works for all men, but the puppy eyes always work for me. Stick out the lip, turn on the big warm puppy eyes, bat the lashes and say something like ‘please don’t be mad’…it works wonders…chicks find it irresistible and next thing you know you’re gettin’…never mind.

6. Sucking up to a chick, very rarely backfires. As if she’s going to stay mad at you after you give her some corny ass line like ‘I did it because I felt threatened by your beauty.’? Oh yeah…they eat that shit right up! Just…make sure you say it with the puppy eyes and a slight tremble in your voice…otherwise she’ll know you’re faking it.

7. This is…by far…the hardest one to pull off…but it has the biggest and greatest rewards…cry. Yes. I said it. Cry. Turn away and poke yourself in the gal darn eye, if ya got to! Chicks can not resist a man when he cries. They say it like…shows our sensitive side or what the hell ever. Throw a hiccup or two in there…maybe a wail…gasp for breath…the whole bit. You really gotta know how to act, for this one…and trust me…it is so worth practicing a few million times.

8. Offer to make sacrifices…tell her you’ll change…say you’ll do anything she wants. For whatever damn reason…women still buy this bull shit…even though they should know by now, that it’s exactly what I just said…BULL SHIT!

9. Men are not nearly as dumb as women think we are…but that’s because we want them to think we’re idiots. Don’t you dare let on that we know what we’re doing…or you’ll ruin it for the rest of mankind. If even one woman found out…it would be all over the world in two minutes flat…we all know how fuckin’ fast gossip travels amongst the female population.

Ok seriously…this bobby pin is not cooperating with me! I want this thing to bend one way and it’s going all squirrelly and shit. Ugh. I am so not cut out for this survival crap. Perhaps I should have joined the boy scouts, instead of a singing group…but then again, if I hadn’t joined the group…I wouldn’t be in this damn situation, to begin with, and wouldn’t need to know the survival skills that I knew, I wish I knew now. That totally made sense in my head, by the way.

“Hey, AJ…where’d Kris go?” Just about jumping out of my skin, I looked up to see Resa standing right there, but couldn’t bring my eyes all the way up to hers. Hasn’t she ever heard of the term ‘personal bubble’?

“It’s not my turn to baby sit.” I let out a soft huff, still not willing to look her in the eye…my eyes are very good at betraying me and telling people things that I don’t want them to know. Why do you think I own 793 pairs of sunglasses? I had no clue where cutie was and it was my fault she wasn’t here.

“You’re the last one that was talking to her and now she’s gone. Did you make her mad again?!” Yes I was…and yes I did…good grief, I’m an ass. Who knows what could be happening or where she was…and actually, that thought made my stomach twist. If anything happened to her…even if she just sprained an ankle…it would be my fault. I hate being responsible for people getting hurt…which is ironic since I’ve been verbally abusing both girls, nonstop since the ship sank.

“What was the last thing you said to her, man?” That just figures…Howie is gonna side with the girls. What ever happened to having my back? I am his best friend! Oh who am I kidding? With how I’ve been acting…I couldn’t expect anyone to back me up. My own damn thoughts are screaming that I’m a complete douche. So then why can’t I control the shit that’s coming out of my mouth?

“I um…I basically told her she was a psycho bitch…and that she should warn people about that.” I automatically cringed and cowered a little because I knew……

“Now that I think about it…I realize that this is going to be…very…challenging.” She was right, on that account, but honestly I wasn’t sure what was going to be more complicated…constructing these shelters…or dealing with AJ and Kris’ fighting. “How far do you think they need to be, of the ground? And how the heck are we going to actually get them off the ground?”

“I’d say a couple feet up, maybe? But um…as for the ‘how’ part…I’m not real sure. Do you have any ideas? We’ll probably have to try a few different concepts before we find one that will work.” I stood there, looking over the area, trying to think of something we could do…what we could use…how we would pull this off…and I was getting no where. We didn’t have nails or screws and there were no tools, except the ones we could fashion out of what nature provided for us…it was going to be challenging, to say the least.

“Hm. Maybe we could use vines and banana leaves to make hammocks? That should be fairly easy. But would they be strong enough?” Her head tilted as she started to tie a couple vines together, before tugging on them as hard as she could.

“Don’t pop a blood vessel, there, darlin’. We don’t have an ER nearby.” I couldn’t help but poke fun at her and something told me that she wasn’t the type to just take it, either. She dropped her arms, for a brief moment…the vines, at her side, were still intact and didn’t look like they even made a budge. This was a good sign that they might just work how we need them to.

“Don’t start with me, gramps.” The cutest playful grin graced her lips as she lightly whipped my leg, with the end of the vine she was working with. “I’m not the one who’s gonna break my hip, getting out of my improvised bed, in the morning. You’re old AND short…it’s a double curse.” Just as I predicted, she started cracking up, at her own smart ass comments. Well…two can play at this game!

“Look here…shrimp…you’re shorter than me, so you really shouldn’t make cracks at my height!” Like a little kid, I stuck my tongue out at her, egging her on. It worked too. Before I knew it, we were taking cracks at each other, as we tried braiding and tying the vines into hammock-like structures. We started with four long, thick braids going lengthwise and were attempting to make them stay separated, to form the basic shape of a hammock.

“Ooooo! You sure talk like you have a lot of balls, Howie. Judging by how high you sing, I could have sworn you had lost yours.” Now she was taking a stab at my singing?! Oh no, no, no! It was on, now! My fingers kept working at knotting the vines, as I glared at her and my mind swirled to come up with my next comment.

“I suppose I should expect a midget, such as yourself, to hit that low, huh?” A smirk played over my lips and my eyes narrowed, knowing that she’d have something to shoot back, at me.

“At least something around here is low…unlike your voice.” Now we were both cracking up, as I whacked at her with one of the palm leaves and nearly lost it when her hair got caught on the end, of it. We were laughing, so hard, that it was difficult to try getting her hair freed.

While we tried to calm ourselves down, there was a bit of silence and we both focused on the task, for a bit. It was looking like this hammock idea would work. Actually…it better work, because we already had a good hour into this and it would be a lot of wasted time, if it failed. We had a rough design, made up of braided vines, and were trying to figure out how to use the palm leaves as bedding, for it.

“My voice isn’t that bad, you know! At least I don’t sound like I have a stuffy nose, like Nick does.” I couldn’t stay silent anymore, even though it had been a comfortable one. Shaking my head, I tried to remember any other time that I had really goofed off, with a fan, like this. I mean…to be actually teasing each other and calling names? Fans rarely ever say anything mean to us…well…at least not to our faces…the internet is a completely different story. I’m not getting into that, right now, though. As a matter of fact, I like to forget about those comments all together.

“That may be…but Nick doesn’t have an eye twitch.” Ah yes…everyone has to take cracks at my wink. I should have seen that one coming…maybe the silence was the better option? Nah. I was actually having a lot of fun, bantering with Resa. She was funny and had a sweetness, to her, that I didn’t expect. But, now I had to get dirty. The way she seems to look at me, hasn’t gone unnoticed…and if I had to guess…I’d say that I’m one of her favorite, in the group…so…

“Yeah…but you like my eye twitch!” I couldn’t help myself…I winked at her…and once I saw the light tint of pink creep up, on to her cheeks, I knew I was right. “HA! You do like it!” Mhm. I knew it. All the girls make cracks about that wink…but it turns half of them into putty. I’m not trying to sound full of myself…honestly, I don’t know why it does…but it does, and it’s a fact.

“Ok…time out…let’s get this thing off the ground.” Admittedly, this hammock doesn’t look half bad! I’d say we did a pretty darn good job, constructing this thing. It was surely big enough for any one of us…it looked pretty sturdy…and hopefully it wouldn’t be torture to sleep on. Now it was time to try getting this make shift hammock hung up and tied, between a couple trees. I wasn’t really sure, just yet, how well this was really going to work…but in theory, it should do the trick. She was right, though, we needed to quit fooling around for a bit and put our full attention to this project. We couldn’t risk making silly mistakes, just because we weren’t focused enough.

“Just hold your end steady, Resa. I’ll tie up this side…” With my brows knitted in the center and my bottom lip pulled between my teeth, my fingers worked at trying to get the sturdiest, tightest knot that I possible could. “…then I’ll come over and help you get yours.” Surely she would need help to pull it tight, keep it level, and tie it.

“That looks great, Howie. Can you get the knot tight?” Bingo! One side up and secure! My hopes were really getting high, now, that this was actually going to hold up! Hard work, determination, and a bit of brainstorming can get you a long way.

“Yep. I got it.” Giving her a grin, I came up behind her and helped her with her end. Less than five minutes passed, and we were stepping back, to take in the looks of our creation. “That’s not half bad, if I do say so myself. Want me to try it out…that way if it doesn’t hold, it’s my butt that meets the sand?”

“Go for it. Just be careful, though. Like you said…we don’t have an ER nearby.” That playful glint was back in her eyes, as I took a deep breath and eased my butt into the hammock. So far, so good. “Easy now. Take it slow.”

“It seems pretty sturdy, Resa. By golly, I think we have a successful hammock here.” Slowly, and carefully I leaned back into it, lifting one leg up. “Here we go…the real test…” One…two…three…last leg up…lay down…IT’S HOLDING! “It’s holding! We did it!”

“Woohoo! Oh yeah!” Punching a fist in the air, she shook her butt a little bit and danced around in a circle. I had to admit that I was rather excited, as well…until I went to sit up and a loud creaking filled the air. “HOWIE!!!”

“AAAAAAAH!” Yes…I screamed like a little school girl as the tree splintered at the base, coming down onto me. Son of a…I was stuck…seriously…stuck. “Help me!”

“Oh my gosh, Howie!” I think she was by my side before I even got done asking her to help me. Looking back, in hindsight, perhaps we should have chosen our trees more carefully. Now I’m tangled up in a shredded hammock…I have a vine wrapped around my ankle, cutting of the circulation…I have a tree on top of me…and I’m pretty sure I broke, or fractured, my wrist. Wonderful!

“Push on it!” After several attempts, Resa and I were able to get the tree off me and get me untangled from the remains of our hammock. Although this really sucked, I was very happy that it was me and not her. I would have felt horrible, had she gotten hurt. Luckily, upon further inspection, I could tell that my wrist really wasn’t broken…probably just a bad sprain…but it hurt like you know what! Needless to say, we took a break from the project, so that I could recover. Just for the record…if you’re gonna hang a hammock…bought or hand made…you better make sure the tree isn’t half rotted. Yeah…we totally had a stroke of genius when we decided to mount this thing to a tree that was already leaning over because of the trunk rotting. Wow, we’re smart.

Several hours later, though…just as the last light, of the sun, was fading…we had successfully gotten three hammocks constructed and off the ground. The half moon was rising in the sky, shedding a bright, yet soft glow, around us when I sat down, by the fire. My entire body was aching from exhaustion, and I could tell that Resa was pretty drained, too, as she walked over to AJ. We really did put a lot of effort into those darnn hammocks. Hopefully it didn’t rain, since we hadn’t gotten to make roofs or anything over them, for protection. But no rain means the bugs will be out. So I guess, either way, it was still going to be an uncomfortable night, to sleep.

Zoning out, a bit, my mind started to twist. I could seriously kick myself for not listening to AJ’s little vision. I wonder if he’s had any more. It’d be nice if we knew, ahead of time, that there was a ship or something, coming our way. How would we flag someone down, anyways? Perhaps we should think about that, first thing, in the morning.

Looking up, I saw Resa and AJ talking…and Resa looked pretty irritated. By the sounds of it…she was badgering him about the whereabouts, of Kris. I could tell, by the look on his face that he had something to do with the fact that she wasn’t back yet. Worry dripped from Resa’s voice as she continued to interrogate him about what he said or did, to her.

“What was the last thing you said to her, man?” After all these years, I should know better than to ask him a question, like this. It never leads to anything good and this time wouldn’t be any different.

“I um…I basically told her she was a psycho bitch…and that she should warn people about that.” Oh why did I ask? Immediately ducking my head, I busied myself by poking at the fire, knowing that this was not going to turn out well. At first, it was hard to block out the loud argument that ensued, but it became easier as I started to think about my family.

They always say that you don’t know what you’ve got, until it’s gone. In this case…I’m the one that’s gone…but with the extra time, to think about it, I realize that I really don’t spend enough time with the people I love. For heaven’s sake…the last time I saw my mom and siblings was…new years! I’d give anything, right now, to tell my mom that I love her. Or to give my dumb brother a hug.

Most of all…I’m missing my little boy, something fierce. Granted, his mother and I aren’t getting along the greatest, lately…let me rephrase that…to be blunt about it, our relationship has gone down the shitter. Don’t get me wrong…I do love the woman…in a way…but it’s more like…just loving her because she’s the mother of my child. It’s actually rather complicated…and it started right before we found out about James. Perfect timing, huh? Not that I regret James! Because I don’t! Not even a little bit!

It started out slowly…it was just little things, you know? I mean…I just started seeing her true colors, once the ‘newlywed’ stage was over. Maybe there was a reason that our relationship was ‘on again, off again’ for so long, before we got married. At one time, I thought I was just being petty and over analyzing things…I tend to do that, sometimes…but as the years keep passing, things just keep getting worse and now she’s just never happy. Nothing I do is ever good enough, anymore.

But I don’t want to dwell on the rockiness of my marriage…or that it’s quite possibly coming to a bitter end. I still have my baby boy…and he means everything to me. Watching him grow has been the most amazing thing, in life, for me…ever since the day he was born. Sure, I love what I do…the fans…and everything about being in the group…but I would give it all up, in a heart beat, for my son, if I had to. No questions asked…I would choose James. Maybe some people think that’s perfectly understandable while others may think I’ve lost my mind…to even consider giving up everything I have, just for my son…but I would. He’s my pride and joy, that’s for sure…he’s got my puppy dog eyes! The day before we left he…

“You’re the ass hole…YOU go find her!” Oye vey…they’re still going at it? I probably shouldn’t be surprised. Resa stalked over and plopped down beside me, yelling at AJ, as he started to storm off. “Oh hey…and one more thing McLean…”

“…you better apologize!” Alright…yes…it was my fault cutie walked off, to only God knows where. I already feel bad enough, about it…I don’t need Howie’s stalker giving me shit about it, too! The argument with her was rather one sided and didn’t even last that long, before I just turned away.

It was already past dark…well…there was the bright glow that was streaming from the moon…but you know what I mean. It was potentially dangerous for her to be out this late, by herself. If I had to take a guess…I would say that it’s already past midnight.

Resa was extremely worried about her and, to be fully honest, I was too. I might not, exactly, get along with the woman and she may annoy the life out of me…but I don’t wish her any harm, ya know? And the way she passed out last night…really makes me wonder. Hopefully I don’t find her out cold somewhere on the beach.

Now I understand that Resa was all pissed off about what I said, to Kris…but don’t I, at least, deserve a “way to go” for constructing my cool ass fishing pole? I think I do! This thing is sweet, as fuck, man! See…I started out by forming one of those hair pin things into a hook…which actually worked out pretty well. Then I braided thread, from that torn sheet, for fishing line and attached it to the perfect stick!

I mean this stick brought the whole damn thing together! It was forked at the end I used for the top and had a smaller branch coming off to one side, down at the bottom. So I put the string between the fork, at the top and ran it down to wrap around the smaller side branch. It was as close to a reel as I was gonna get, and honestly, I couldn’t wait to try the bitch out!

Wait…since when do I get excited over shit like this? Hm. Maybe I’ll be better at this survival thing that I originally thought? I can see it now…AJ McLean, survivor extraordinaire, successfully defeats all that nature throws at his ass! Hellz yeah!

Aha! There she is! She’s still a little ways down the shore, sitting in the sand and…I’m not sure what she’s doing, actually…but she looks like she’s working on something. I guess it’s now, or never…I have to suck it up and apologize, to her. As I drew closer, I saw the huge “S.O.S.” message that she had written in the sand, along with an arrow, pointing toward our base camp.

“Hey.” Her voice was soft, as I plopped beside her, in the sand, and wrapped my arms around my knees, to match her sitting position. Her eyes were fixed on her hands and she seemed out of it, again. “Why are you here?”

“Oh…did you forget? The cruise ship went down…and this is where the raft landed our sorry asses.” Yeah…that was a lame ass attempt, at a joke…I admit it…but I laughed anyways. I tend to try cracking jokes, when I know I have some serious graveling to do. In my mind, it breaks the ice a little bit and makes the whole ‘apologizing thing’ a tiny bit easier…but that’s probably just me fooling myself. “Seriously…I came to find you. Are you ok?” Oh don’t look so surprised…I’m not a complete insensitive ass hole, ok?

“Yeah. I’m fine…” She didn’t sound it. Hell…she didn’t even look it, at this moment. “…just…thinking.” If we make it back to base camp, without her passing out on me, I’ll be damn lucky! “What about you, though? Are you okay?”

“Uh…yeah…I guess…” Clearing my throat, I attempted to reassemble my thoughts. I hadn’t expected her to ask how I was doing. I’ve been a shit head. Why would she care? “…I mean we’re all doing the best we can, considering the circumstances, right?”

“I suppose so.” Her soft sigh made me uneasy, but I ignored it and stared out over the water. The dark blues mingled together in a way that I had never seen before. And the glow, of the moon, cast a silver sparkle on the waves that seemed to bring the water to life. The waves seemed to glitter as they danced up onto the sand. My breath was taken from me, as I actually took a moment out of my life, to really observe the soul of nature. Having time to really appreciate nature, the way it should be, is a rare thing, for me…either I’m just too busy, or I don’t even think about stopping to really look. “It’s pretty…isn’t it?”

“Huh?” Snapping from my thoughts, I glanced at her with a lifted brow then chuckled. “Oh…yeah…it is. I don’t ever really pay attention to nature’s soul. Nick does. I’ve given him a lot of shit, over the years, when he’s talked about nature having a soul. But…right now…it…it feels like I’m…like I’m insignificant…to the majesty, of our environment.” Hold up…did I really just…yeah…I sounded gay, right then.

“Sometimes…I can spend hours…just…taking in everything around me. Our world has so much beauty, to offer us, that it’s impossible to ever see it all. If it circumstances behind it weren’t so frustrating…being stranded without supplies and all…this would be the ideal night. The sound of the waves crashing…the twinkle of the stars…the soft glow of the moon…the light breeze…the smell of rain…” Trailing off, she leaned back on her hands and looked at me with an expression I couldn’t read. I was just about to ask why she was looking at me, like that, but my thoughts were interrupted by the strangest sound.

“What was that?” Wrinkling my brows, I turned to look behind me. In a way, being stuck on a deserted tropical island was kinda cool, but the uncertainty of what was in that rainforest was nerve wracking. Who even know how big this island is or what is lurking in there?!

“It sounded like a monkey, didn’t it?” She was looking off in the same direction as I was, and then we both glanced at each other. Once we stood up, we inched toward the tree line. Cutie was ducked behind me just a little bit, as if I could protect her.

“Sweet. Meat!” Hell yeah, I liked the sound of rotisserie monkey, at that very moment. I’d even skin the damn thing my damn self! “Let’s kill us some din din darlin!”

“Whoa. How the heck do you plan on capturing and killing a monkey?! We don’t have…a gun…or traps. Climbing trees is doable but climbing trees and swinging from vines in a high speed monkey chase? One of US will end up dead!” Holding onto my arm, with both hands, she poked her head around to look up at me, like I had lot my last marble. Fuck yeah I have! Let’s kill a damn monkey, bitches!

“I don’t fuckin know how! Maybe my manly hunting instinct will kick in, or some shit. All I know is I’m starving for some real food and those damn coconuts ain’t fuckin’ cutting it no more!” Although she stayed behind me, she kept up with me, as I started into the thick of the rainforest. It was hard to listen for the monkey over the noise of our movement, but despite all that, I could just barely hear it in the distance. Realistically, we probably wouldn’t be able to catch or kill the damn thing…but hell if I wasn’t going to give it the best fuckin’ try, I could!

“I hope so because…I don’t know anything about trapping. If we had a gun…I might stand a chance. Oh…I see some cashews too…we should get some on the way back. I know this killer recipe that I could substitute monkey for…with cashews and citrus fruit which I’m sure we can find.” My eagerness for some good food seriously overpowered the annoyance of hearing her ramble on. When you’re in a survival situation, I guess the prospect of food can do wonders for a guy’s mood, ya know?

“That actually sounds good. You cook often?” Small talk? I was making small talk? Hm. It didn’t last long, though. Holding my arm out, in front of her…almost in a protective manner…I froze. “Shh. I hear something.” Lowering my voice, I tried to listen. I definitely heard rustling, off to our right. Dear God…please don’t let it be some kind of huge ass carnivorous animal! Yes…I know carnivorous is a big word…not all big words are foreign to me, ya know. Geez!

“It’s coming from over there.” Is it completely insane that the analogy that comes to mind, for her voice at that moment, is soft as velvet? Yeah…that makes me sound gay…not that being gay is necessarily a bad thing…but I’m not actually gay, therefore I don’t generally like sounding it. The next thing I heard was a mixed squeal. Part of it was from cutie and part of it was from the wild pig that I just saw run past.

“Come on…that thing was only a couple yards away. Forget the monkey…the pig will be easier to catch. Just don’t trip or fall.” With that said, we took off into the thickness of the jungle, in hot pursuit of dinner. Tonight was going to be a good night, damn it. I didn’t fuckin’ care what it took or what I had to do…daddy was eatin’ meat, one way or another!

“Circle around to the left…maybe we can corner it.” I had to admit…I was surprised that she was keeping up. From what I’ve noticed, cutie was pretty clumsy most of the time, but not tonight! I swear that our instincts had to be taking over. Jumping over roots and pushing through the greenery, I felt like I was flying. Man…what a rush!

“I can see it! Keep going straight ahead, Kris.” The pig looked like it had a slightly injured leg, or something because, although still running fairly fast, it seemed to be having a bit of difficulty. That just made it easier on me! My mind honed in on my surroundings…jump over the root…dodge the fallen tree…duck under a branch…jump up and grab a vine to swing over a mudded area…I felt like I was one with nature or some crazy ass shit.

“Tell me where to go AJ! I can’t see it!” I could barely see her but the brightness of her clothes helped a bit. Thank god for the bright moon that was out and the lack of storm clouds. She was maybe five or six yards away and we were gaining on the pig.

“Start coming toward me. It’s straight ahead…about 4 yards...just on this side of that fallen tree.” My hand grabbed a branch from who knows what kind of tree and snapped it off, as I ran past. If I had any luck in the world, this thing would be strong enough to kill this pig. A few more feet…I can almost smell it…here comes cutie on my right…almost there…

“KILL IT AJ! HURRY!” Face first, in the mud, she had a grip on one of the hind legs. The pig was letting out the highest pitch squeal I have ever heard. Dropping to one knee, the mud splashed up as I used my other foot to kick the pig over. “AJ! I CAN’T HOLD IT! KILL IT!” Quicker than I could blink, I plunged the sharpest end of my stick into the pig, aiming for it’s heart.

“DON’T LET GO YET!” I was almost sure I pierced it’s heart, by the quick rush of blood that was spilling from the animal. We were both a mother’s worst nightmare…covered in the nastiest mix of mud and pig blood.

“I’M NOT BUT IT’S SLIPPING!” I had no choice but to swing my leg over and straddle the pig, holding it down so she could get a better grip. A few minutes that felt like an eternity later…the pig fell limp and we looked up to stare at each other, while huge grins started to form on our lips. We actually chased, caught and killed a wild pig!

“WE DID IT! THAT WAS FUCKIN’ AWESOME!” Jumping to our feet, we both started jumping around like damn nutcases. After hugging and celebrating, we grabbed some vines to tie the pig’s legs together. Once that was secure, we slipped a thick branch length ways between its legs and hoisted it up on our shoulders, to carry it.

“Wow! That…was such a rush! I can’t believe I didn’t…twist and ankle or something!” She wasn’t the only one who couldn’t believe it! I thought for sure that I would be carrying her back to base camp. Boy am I glad that’s not the case!

“I can’t believe we actually caught this thing! I’m so excited to have some pork! Oh…we need to grab those cashews you saw, too. What did you say you had a recipe for?” Yes…I was being fairly nice…I was in way too good of a mood, to be an ass, right now. Like I said…the prospect of food does wonders for a man’s mood!

“Good thing you remembered…I already forgot about that.” Looking over my shoulder, I raised a brow at her, not sure how she forgot about that when we had talked about it no more than ten minutes ago. “The recipe is actually for whitefish…but pork will substitute just fine. I’ll use some cashews, banana, and coconut…maybe some herbs that are growing near the camp…and cook it up. It’s an odd but very tasty dish.”

“Banana and coconut mixed with pork and cashews? Hm. That does sound a little weird…but hey…I’m so damn happy about eating meat that I don’t give a fuck how it gets cooked!” A light giggle floated to my ears and I couldn’t help but chuckle too…even if I wasn’t sure what was so funny. Like I said…me man…me eat meat…me happy!

“I promise…you’ll like it…you won’t have to choke it down, or anything.” Trudging through the brush, on our way back to base camp sucked, since I was so anxious to get there. You know…it’s shitty how every time you’re excited about something…it takes forever to actually get to that point, in time? Like…you sit and watch the clock, tapping your foot and it seems like every tick, of the second hand, takes hours.

“And I have no doubt about that…I assure you. There’s the camp site! And the fire is burnin’ bright! I can’t wait to get this thing skinned and cooking!” Now I was going to have to rely on that manly instinct, to guide me on how to skin the damn thing. As if I’ve ever skinned anything other than my fuckin’ knee!

“We should skin it tonight and hang it…then process and cook it in the morning. That’s the best way, of doing it.” Seriously? There’s no possible way that cutie has done this, before…she’s too much of a girlie girl. She freaked out about being covered in mud, so there’s no way that she can butcher a pig!

“You’re shitting me, right?” Carefully, we laid the pig down, on some of the palm leaves that were piled by the fire. I could see that Resa and Howie were already passed out, for the night…so there wouldn’t be any huge celebration over our kill. Bummer.

“Um…no. Why would I be?” With a raised brow, she looked at me like I lost my fuckin’ mind. What is it with people looking, at me, like that?! Oh…yeah…I guess my sense of style might generally have a little bit to do with that, huh?

“Because I wouldn’t think some pageant Barbie princess would willingly even look at a dead pig…let alone skin one.” My tone of voice wasn’t harsh and I didn’t really mean it offensively. In all honesty, I was just voicing my thought. But…by the hand on her hip and the look on her face…I knew I had done just that…offended her. Oops!

“Excuse me?! I will have you know…”

Ugh. God damn, my head is pounding like a mother fucker! And don’t even get me started on my damn knee! Geez. I feel like I got run over by a fuckin’ truck! Then I have cutie’s little rant stuck in my head, too. My damn dreams were invaded by that blonde last night.

“Excuse me?! I will have you know…” One of those manicured nails was pointed right at me, while her other hand remained firm on her hip, as she gave me this ‘you are in trouble’ look. And we were doing so well, too, damnit! Note to self: Keep your damn mouth shut, McLean! Oh gee, thanks for that, man, but you’re a little late. I’m not late, damnit, you just never fuckin’ listen to me, dip shit. It is not ok to call myself a dip shit! Wait a tick…why the fuck am I even talking to myself, in the first damn place?

Shit. I’m more fucked up than I give myself credit for! I guess being stranded away from everyday life and everyone in it, you really get to know yourself, since you don’t have anything to distract you. Someone can learn to ignore their flaws and stuff when they are busy with life…especially someone like me, who has an insanely busy lifestyle. Hm. I suppose this is the best damn rehab program I could have gotten my ass into, huh?

“Have me know…what? I was just sayin’ that…” I swear I was still in ‘nice’ mode. I wasn’t even raising my voice or getting irritated…yet. I’m telling you…I didn’t even mean to offend her in the first place! Go figure…I screw shit up, even when I’m not trying.

“You were saying that I’m too much of a girl to know how to butcher an animal! I’m not! I cook for a living! And I’ll have you know…I’ve had my hands covered in animal blood more times than I can count!” Ok…in some weird ass, twisted, kinky kinda way…that’s sorta hot. Gross…but hot…strangely at the same time.

“That is so not even what I meant and you, damn well, know it!” With a roll of the eyes I went over and crawled into the only empty hammock. Oh man did it feel good to stretch out! Chasing down that pig was a pain in the ass, but that mouth watering meat was surely going to be worth every damn second of back breaking effort!

I didn’t mean to fall asleep; mind you…I just needed to relax, for a little bit. I just had another knee surgery recently and all the running had made it pretty sore. The plan was to stretch out and take a break, then I was going to get up and help cutie skin that pig. It needed to be butchered up, too…cut down into pieces and then cooked. But now I was being rudely woken up by the sun in my eyes and the smell of…HOT DAMN! I smell piggy!

“Oh…shit…damn it!” Yeah…that would be my clumsy ass falling out of a hammock that’s literally only a foot off the ground. How the hell am I still alive, with as accident prone, as I am? Now there is a good Backstreet Trivia question! Oh…oh…oh! They should make a Backstreet edition of Trivial Pursuit! Hellz yeah!

Here ya go…sample questions and answers from the soon to be released Backstreet Trivial Pursuit!

Question #1, Subject: Brian - What wire got crossed in Brian’s brain that makes his eyes close every time he sings? A. The blue wire, B. The one on the left or C. None, he’s just weird.

Answer? The same damn wire that makes him lift his leg a million fuckin’ times.

Question #2, Subject: Kevin - What the hell is really up with Kevin’s eyebrows?

Answer? They are actually harboring illegal aliens from outer space. Yes. That’s right. Them bitches are alive! I swear to the heavens that them damn things ate my homework once, back in high school! I ain’t even playin’!

Question #3, Subject: Howie - Exactly how high can his voice go?

Answer? Depends on how hard Nick kicks him in the nads, before the show. It’s a wonder how that poor shit ever conceived James!

Question #4, Subject: Nick - Name one video game that Nick actually does NOT enjoy? A. Barbie Fasion Fairytale, B. Dora The Explorer’s Great Adventure, or C. Kirby Squeak Squad.

Answer? Fuck that shit, blondie likes ‘em all!

Question #5, Subject: AJ - Why the fuck does AJ keep having to have knee surgery?

Answer? He’s been down on one knee to propose more times, without ever actually getting married, than any normal human man. Damn…that’s some sad shit, right there! But this time it’s for realz. I swear. I ‘effing love my monkee! I do! Ok…maybe our relationship is a little…weird…and whatever…but I’m really going to marry her. Honestly! You know what? I have nothing to prove, damn it…you’ll see!

“Aw look, sleeping beauty has awoken from his deep slumber and graced us with his presence!” I was in NO way, in the mood for Resa’s sarcasm, even if it did sound like it was meant in a playful manner! Then again…I was in no mood to end up in another fight with the girls, either. Play nice, McLean…play nice.

“Yeah…I look like shit…I’m aware, of that. I probably stink too. Wanna smell me?” So much for playing nice, huh? With a huff, I plopped down into the soft white sand. My mouth was already watering, as I looked at that juicy, succulent piggy. For the record, though, I don’t really stink, ok? I just have a very manly natural cologne. And yeah…I know the word succulent. It means ‘really damn, finger licking, fuckin good’!

“Here…” Cutie was offering me a banana leaf that was piled high with roasted meat in this cashew and coconut mixture…or sauce…or whatever, that she was rambling about last night, but yet nearly forgot…that woman confuses me, but I digress. There were banana slices, neatly placed around the main portion, and they looked like they were…grilled or something. To top it all off, she really had found some herbs around the area and cooked them in with the meat. Overall…the whole thing looked really damn good! “…there’s more, if you’re hungry after that. Try not to eat it too fast, though.”

“You’ll make yourself sick, if you eat too fast.” Resa piped in, looking up from her own meal. At least her voice wasn’t harsh or defensive yet today. Her usually snippy, sarcastic tone sounded playful, soft and sweet…more like cutie. Hell, even when cutie yells at me…you can tell she’s incapable of hurting a fuckin’ fly.

“It’s going to be hard not to, with food that smells this damn good!” After sending a thankful smirk cutie’s way, I picked up a piece of the meat, popping it into my mouth. Dear God, I’ve died and gone to heaven! “Damn girl! And this is fuckin’ gooooood too!”

“I’m…glad…you like it. There’s plenty of meat to last us a couple days.” Aw, ain’t that precious…she’s blushing…that didn’t take much. But seriously…this was really damn tasty! I never would have guessed this combination would mesh well, but it sure as hell hits the spot, let me tell ya!

“Morning, AJ. How’d you sleep?” Out of nowhere, it seems, Howie appeared with his arms full of branches. Since he carefully put them all down, in a neat pile, by the hammocks, it was pretty obvious they were for finishing up our sleeping area. “We should be able to get the last hammock done and some protective roofing. We’ll have to cut down some more vines, though.”

“I was thinking…since we have this pig carcass…we can use the bones to make some tools. Maybe the ribs can be made into spears? That would help us catch more food.” Why didn’t I think of that? She might be crazy, but at least she’s smart.

“Oh…what if we used the shoulder blades to make hatchets? We could sharpen up the wider wedge and use a thick stick for a handle…then attach them together with vines.” Alright AJ…think man…these girls are showing you up, big time! What else could we make from a pig skeleton? I was finding out, really fast, that we would have to use anything and everything we could get our hands on. There was no room for waste or neglect.

“The thicker hip bones could be used for small hammers, right? And two of us should scavenge for more debris, today, too. Between shipwrecks and tropical storms, it seems like a lot of junk has washed up on these beaches.” That made sense…two people scavenge while the other two tended to our home.

“Kris and I can stay here…cook up more of this meat...then work on the shelters and tools...if you guys want to wander down the beach for a while and see what you can find?” When I mentioned that…I wasn’t volunteering myself to do all that walking! Oh…but then again…I guess it will be a hell of a lot less frustrating to walk around, finding junk…than it would be to build shelters and construct tools.

“Works for me. How ‘bout you, D-rough?” Standing up, I decided to tuck my tattered sheet into my back pocket and eat as we walked. He quickly caught up to me, as I walked, and I was already debating on if I should tell him about my new visions. I had another one last night. Granted his marriage was on the rocks…and the man was spineless, so he’d never actually be the one to file for divorce…but I wasn’t so sure how he’d take the idea, of me having visions, about him hooking up with Resa.

“You look lost in though, AJ. What’s up, man?” Oh yeah, he’s my best friend and I can rarely ever hide things from him…shit. To tell? Or not to tell? Hm. Maybe I should wait and see if I have any more visions, about it. I’ve only had two…which is more than my usual…but still, it could just be fucked up dreams, right? No. Not really. Visions are significantly different from ordinary dreams, and I know it. But for the sake of argument, I’ll just wait.

“Just thinking. This situation has to have your mind going a million miles an hour, too.” Now, that was definitely not a lie. My mind really was spinning like a damn toy top…you know…those little plastic ones we got, as party favors, every time we went to a birthday party, back in the day? Oh yeah…I played with them fuckin’ things for hours. Yeah, yeah…I know…I was a…unique child. Whatever. Don’t judge me!

“Boy don’t I know it! I miss James.” Ah yes…the one good thing that came from his marriage…his son. Oh man, James is a cutie, too! When he was first born, he was a little bit of an odd looking baby, but he grew so incredibly cute, really fuckin’ fast! “I bet he’s wondering where I am. I’m glad Leigh stayed home this time, though…at least they aren’t out here, stranded, too.”

“I can’t imagine being stuck out here with the little man…that would make it all so much worse.” He definitely had a point, on that one. Kids need proper care and nutrition…and diapers…none of which are available to us, right now.

My food was long gone, and throughout the long silences between our conversations, we’ve managed to find a few stray items. Among the stuff collected in my torn sheet were a couple of empty plastic bottles…some old bones, which would work great for more tools…another pot, this one was bigger than the last one…some more random articles of clothing…a huge chunk of plastic that honestly looked like the door off a porta potty, gross…an orange life jacket…a couple beer cans…and a plastic plate. So far, there was nothing to get overly excited about. Yes…I’m sure we’ll find use for all this junk, but…it wasn’t like I was jumping for joy.

“Shh…do you hear that? What is that?” Howie has his arm across my chest, stopping me from moving forward. Both of us stood frozen, our eyes started to roam as we listened closely. We had gone in the opposite direction than any of us had gone before, and there was a distinct sound in the distance.

“WATERFALL! HOT FUCKIN’ DAMN, D…THAT’S THE SOUND OF A HEAFTY SIZED ONE TOO!” Now was the time to celebrate, which is exactly what we did, too! My sheet of crap hit the sand with a soft ‘plunk’ sound, and us grown men started to jump around like a gold digger, who just married a poor unsuspecting rich bastard that agreed to buy her a boob job. I’m not naming names, here, because I’m really not that damn mean. Cough…Leighanne and Brian…cough cough! Damn…those cigarettes have really fucked up my lungs.

Seriously, though…the man is so damn pussy whipped, is sickening…and he really did buy her a boob job. Plus…he wears all her Wylee stuff…which is, sorry to say, not exactly flattering for a guy who isn’t gay. Then again…I’m accused of being gay more than any of the other guys…my nail polish is black people…not pink…although I did paint them red once. Oh fuck this…we hear a waterfall and I’m off talking about my damn nails…cutie must be rubbing off on me. Shit! I need to like…drink a beer and scratch my nuts or something…you know…manly kinda shit!

“Yes! We have to go back and tell the girls! Waterfalls are usually fresh, drinkable water, right? And then if we have spears made…I’m sure the animals go there to drink, too…so we can get some more food!” No more sooner did the words come out of his mouth and we were in a marathon style run, back to the base camp. The sand never felt better under my feet, than it did right then.

“WE FOUND WATER!” My voice was at top notch as I came skidding to a halt, bumping right smack into cutie. Luckily for her, my arm snaked around her waist, just in time to keep her upright. Next thing I knew, I was jumping around again…this time, holding onto her hands…like chicks do when the cutest guy in school asks one of them out. Ok…yeah…it’s becoming painfully obvious that I’m a little too in touch with my feminine side.

“Well? Where is it? How far?” Oh leave it to Resa, to bring down the mood.

“Um…well…technically…”

Way to go Alexander. Get the girls all excited about something we haven’t even found, yet. Yes, it’s a wonderful prospect, but the fact of the matter is…we had no way of telling, if we could even get to that waterfall. Who knows what kind of terrain could be standing between us and the sweet salvation of that rushing water?

“…we didn’t actually find it, in the literal sense. But we heard it and it does sound pretty close. It also sounds like a fairly good sized one, too. So…if we can make the hike…”

“No.” Resa interrupted me and stood up, some sort of hand made tool, in her hands…it looked almost like a hammer, but yet not really. “We can’t take such a huge risk of life and limb, for the possibility of a waterfall…or river…or lake…or anything like that. We’re already distilling water to drink, so what is the purpose of finding it, anyways? Staying put is safer.” Maybe she had a point, on that. I mean…it’s not like we were anywhere near dying, of dehydration, at this point and it wouldn’t do anyone any good if someone was seriously injured in the attempt of locating the water.

“Ah…but where there’s water…there’s food, too. Think about the traps we could set and the food we could catch! Everyone knows that animals flock to a big water source, like that. Can you imagine all the plants that would be growing there, too?” And yet, AJ had a good rebuttal. Honestly, this was potentially going to end up in a very long debate. I guess we’d really have to think about the pros and cons of making this kind of hike.

“The possible dangers are endless. There’s really no telling what animals, other than pigs, are out there waiting for a good meal…and if we aren’t prepared, it could…” I knew AJ would have a hissy fit over me…

“Sure…take her side! You were just as excited as I was, over this. Sell out! Get a back bone, man!” See? What’d I tell ya? He’s throwing a hissy fit, as if I just betrayed him and stabbed him in the back. He acts like such a baby sometimes. But I guess growing up in this business can have that effect on certain people and AJ hasn’t really known anything other than this business. He’s had some level of fame for most of his life and I doubt he even remembers what it was like to be a measly little nobody.

“I’m not taking anyone’s side, AJ. I’m merely stating that she does have a point…as do you. The logical thing to do…” Sometimes AJ could be just as big of a handful, as Nick. He wasn’t exactly childish or ignorant…he just likes getting his way and doesn’t always deal with it well when people don’t agree with him.

“Screw you and your damn logic, Howard! We need to find the fuckin’ waterfall! If you think about it…we can’t afford not to find it. Not only could that be an amazing life source to keep our sorry asses alive…but logic says that any rescue crews would look there…thinking we were smart enough…to find water. Our best bet…is to make the hike.” Oye. This was shaping up to be a long night…and not the fun kind of long night, either…more like a night filled, to the brim, with stress and debates.

“Hey…guys…” Resa was interrupting, again. She definitely had a bold personality that was honestly starting to grow on me, a little bit. I liked the way she could step in and take charge of a situation…assume the position, of authority, and direct others in an orderly fashion. “We need to sit down and think this over rationally. Doing that kind of hiking, tonight…is out of the question, for sure because it’s already getting dark. So…let’s sit, eat, and discuss our opinions in a calm, adult-like manner. Ok?”

“Alright. Fine. I’m hungry anyways.” With that said, AJ plopped onto the sand and tilted his head. Rubbing his hands together, he stretched his neck in an attempt to peek in the small pot, where the food was simmering over the fire. “Are we having more meat, tonight? I used to hate having the same thing twice in one day…but shit…I’m willing to eat pork for every fuckin’ meal, right now.” I couldn’t help but chuckle, at that, because truth is…I had to agree with him. The scent of dinner wafted into my nostrils and it was already making my mouth water, even if there wasn’t any meat in it.

“It looks like you girls got a few tools made today. And that last hammock is up, too, so we can all have a spot to sleep off the ground, tonight. Awesome job.” All of us needed some encouragement, right about now. We had to be there for each other and offer whatever support we could, if we were to get through this. Teamwork was essential and every one of us was important to the survival, of the group.

“Oh we did. There’s my…hammer of sorts…then there are a couple make shift machetes that will be good if we do have to hike through any kind of dense stuff…we also made two backpacks out of that sheet. The backpacks might not be able to stand a lot of weight, but they’ll be able to help carry a few important items. Oh…and naturally Kris made a few things for cooking. Now, what we really need is something for carrying water. And yes…dinner is already made…and yes, it has meat.” Resa scooped out some dinner onto banana leaves, for us guys.

It looked the same as what we had earlier, but I really couldn’t care less. It still smelled delectable and right now, I was just happy to have a fairly well balanced meal instead of just a banana and some coconut milk. Besides that…everyone who knows anything about me…knows I’m a food buff…so in all truth, this was just a way of experiencing new foods that I’ve not yet had the chance to try.

“Mmm! I love me some meat! You know…there might be other animals on the island that we can trap…especially by a good water source. Maybe there’s bear? Or mountain lion? Lizards and snakes…rabbits…oh the list could be miles long!” I swear that man has no sense of general table etiquette. Here he is, chomping and talking with a mouth full of food, like he’s part pig. Yes. Ok. We aren’t exactly sitting at a table or anything, but we are in the presence of women. The man could have a little bit of respect. Although…his mouth full of half chewed food aside…I liked the thought of trying some grilled bear. I wasn’t so sure about snake, but a large cat would probably be pretty good, too.

“But it’s not going to help us any, if someone gets hurt, along the way. If you guys didn’t actually see the waterfall…you could have been hearing the echo of a small creek, bouncing off the trees and stuff. So then what happens if someone breaks a leg…or heaven forbid, dies…and it just turns out to be a trickle of mud, flowing through the jungle?” Yikes. Resa had a point, there, that I hadn’t thought about. What if we ended up going on this never ending hike, just to wander back disappointed and empty handed? “Then again, on the other side of the argument…this pig could have been a fluke…one that wandered from the other side of the island, or whatever. There might not be any more right here around us; so a waterfall would really be the only hope of finding more large game.”

“We could always wait a few days before going? Just to see if we come across any other animals in this area?” There were good points to both sides of this argument. But the question still remained…do we go, or not? How we were going to decide? I wasn’t sure. Maybe we should wait for a day, or two, though…just to see what happens.

“I still say it’s worth the trip. Between the four, of us, we have a lower risk of injury. We just simply stray away from potentially hazardous terrain…find a way around it…or help each other through it. You know? We really don’t have much to lose.” I knew AJ well enough to know that he wasn’t going to back down from his opinion, on this. The man has always been stubborn and hard headed…this time would be no different…but I’m not sure I could blame him, for that.

“Ok…supposing we did take this hike and tried to search out this waterfall…we should, at least, figure out what we would need. After we figure that out…we can decide if the trip would even be feasible.” Finishing the last bite of her meal, Resa grabbed a stick and plopped in the sand a few feet away, starting to scribble in the light sand. “We would definitely need a way to bring water with us. Dehydration must be avoided, at all costs…it’s a really horrible way of dying…and we have no idea how long this hike could last.”

“There would have to be a way of marking our trail, too.” Maybe AJ had put some thought into this and wasn’t just running his mouth. He had a tendency to shoot off, at the mouth, without letting his words and thoughts go through that crucial brain to mouth filter. “We could leave marks on the trees or something. And we should definitely bring spears…oh…maybe we can make them double as walking sticks…just have the rib bone or whatever from the pig at the top, to use as the spear?”

“That’s actually a really good idea, AJ.” Standing behind her, I watched Resa closely, as she added that to the list, of items, she was engraving onto nature’s notepaper. “Do you have any ideas, Howie? You look pretty deep, in thought, there.” Not that I was going to openly explain it, but I had been pretty lost in my thoughts ever since the cruise ship went down. I missed my baby boy and…well…everything else, too…except my wife. I wasn’t missing her nagging habit, that’s for sure! Nor was I missing the rocky marriage that had just seemed to continue getting worse, with each passing day.

“Huh?” With a slight shake, of my head, I snapped my thought process back to what was going on, at that very moment. “Oh. Um…we’d need to think about maybe some tether lines, or something? A lot of rock climbers tie themselves together, in case one person falls, the weight of everyone else can help avoid them from tumbling farther…therefore possibly helping to avoid severe injuries and all.” To be honest, I’m rather impressed that I even thought about that! Maybe I can handle this survival thing, after all.

“Now you’re thinkin’ man! What else? Hey…maybe we should have more backpacks? Who knows what we’ll find on our way, right? We may want to carry back food or treasures that we come across, while we’re on our adventure.” One more point for AJ! Sometimes that man can really surprise you. He’s not as dumb as people may think. When it comes right down to it, AJ is actually pretty smart…unfortunately, he just makes really crappy choices in life. Luckily, all the bad sock choices are drifting out at sea right now, along with that awful kilt he likes to wear when he’s drinking.

Then again…knowing my luck…a few of those socks will wash up on shore…and how much do you wanna bet that none of them will match? Then he’ll be walking around the island with one orange zebra striped sock and one bright blue one with pink polka dots. Ugh. Someone should ban goofy looking socks. And this is a guy who is petrified of clowns? Why make yourself look like one, AJ? It just doesn’t add up, but then again…this is AJ we’re talking about.

“I think we have a really good start on a list of items we’re going to need. And most of them…we have either already made…or can make, fairly easily. The main problem is that we still don’t have any way to carry water, with us, which will be absolutely necessary. For now, I think we should sleep on it, though, and then talk about it more in the morning. This isn’t a trip we should attempt to make unprepared.” Please, Resa…tell me that you are implying that it’s bed time! I’m exhausted.

“I can agree to that. It’s time to get some sleep.” After tossing his empty banana leaf to the ground, AJ stood up, stretching. “We’ll need our rest, if we even want to attempt this search.” He passed right by a silent Kris, who was adding wood to the fire, and made his way to one of the hammocks. Even a bed made of leaves and vines sounded heavenly, right now.

“Anything you need before I join him in the journey to dream land, Resa?” I squatted down, beside her, looking over her list that she had made in the sand. Not that this was the time to be noticing such things, but the woman had pretty nice handwriting. It was neat and had a slight curviness, to it.

“Nope. I’m ready to turn in, as well. It’s late and I’m seriously exhausted.” She gave me the sweetest grin, just as I stood back up. I couldn’t stop myself from returning the grin and offering her my hand. Once she slipped her hand into mine, I felt a slight tingle as I helped her up. “Thanks, Howie. Buenos noches.”

“Night, Resa. Sleep sweet.” The golden red flames cast a soft glow that danced over the sand and our make shift little camp. Honestly, I think we’ll survive just fine…even if we’re stuck here for a little while. Not that I want to be stuck here, though. The sooner we’re rescued, the better, if you ask me. Mmm…stretching out in this hammock was just what my tired body needed. Now…for that precious sleep…

Something told me, as I carefully climbed up into my hammock, that sleep wouldn't be coming easily that night. I would say that a good three hours, of listening to AJ snore, passed before I gave up on my pitiful attempt to sleep...it was useless to try any longer. Not only was my mind overloaded with everything surrounding this potential hike...but AJ sounds like a flippin' freight train! Finally, I quietly rolled from my hammock and let my feet sink into the sand. Doesn't everyone love the feeling of the cool sand seeping between their toes? I know I do.

As I made my way over, taking a seat on one of the stumps we had placed around the fire, I noticed the beauty of the night...it had a soothing quality that I couldn't overlook. The waves crashed softly onto the shore...there was a soft crackle coming from the low fire that was still giving off a romantic glow...twinkling stars dotted the midnight sky...now only if I had a gag for AJ's big mouth, this night would be perfect.

Suddenly there was a new sound thrown into the mix, cutting into my near perfect night. Looking around, I quickly realized that the creaking noise was coming from one of the hammocks. That meant someone else was awake...it had to be either Kris or Howie because the whole flippin' island knew AJ was still passed out...heck, I'm surprised the rescue crews weren't able to find us by following that awful sound his mouth was omitting.

That makes me wonder if anyone, in history, has ever been rescued by someone following the sound of their snoring. Leave it to AJ, to set that world record! Geesh! Someone shut him up already! I am so about ready to stuff a banana leaf down his throat...there would be another world record...death by banana leaf.

“I heard you get up.” Ah...Mr. Dorough was obviously having issues sleeping as well if he had heard me get up. “Mind if I join you?” Why did he even bother to ask? The man was already sitting down beside me, so it's not like my answer really would have mattered, anyways. I think that's a man thing...they ask questions like that because they think they have to, but they don't really listen to your answer because they are just going to do whatever they wanna do, anyways. Ugh.

“Sure. Why not? I could use the company anyways, I guess.” If I was going to be completely honest, at that moment, I'd have to say that part of me just wanted to be alone so that I could enjoy the night. But on the other hand...I couldn't deny that his voice was the one voice that could melt me, right down to the core. Now don't get me wrong, I don't mean to sound like some crazy stalker fan, because I'm not. I've met Howie on several occasions, but I know how to respect his personal space and life, as well. I'm not that creepy fan who follows him around then sneaks into his hotel room, stealing his boxers. I just adore his voice.

“It's a gorgeous night, tonight.” Unlike me, Howie sat in the sand, leaning back on his hands with his head tilted back as he stared up at the night sky. The moonlight was hitting his face in almost an angelic way. Listen to me...I'm starting to sound all sappy like Kris...she's the girly girl, not me. And that 'nice night' line is so cliché...but it really was a beautiful night...so I guess it can't technically be classified as a line, it's just a drastically overused comment to jump start a conversation.

“Yeah. God really blessed us with some serious natural beauty. It's so easy to get caught up in life...that we forget to take the time to appreciate the majesty of it all.” Tilting my head back, I gazed up at the vast sky that was packed full of twinkling stars. The sky was so clear, I could see every little star that could be seen with the human eye...how amazing it would be to have a telescope at that moment.

“Tell me about it.” A soft sigh escaped his lips and almost sounded sad. “Don't get me wrong...I love what I do...but sometimes we miss out on so much because we just don't have the time. My life has flown by...sometimes I sit back and wonder when I suddenly got old.” He chuckled lightly but it almost seemed forced. I couldn't imagine living his life. A good portion of his life has been spent conforming to a very hectic schedule...it was no wonder that he felt like he missed half it.

“I can't imagine how tough it's been for you...and the other guys. Do you have any regrets?” With a wrinkled brow, I shifted to face him, rather curious about his answer. Was it possible that Howard Dorough regretted his career move to join the group? He did say he loved what he did...but maybe there was a part of him that resented it?

“Oh goodness no. Well...maybe certain parts...like not having more time off when my sister or dad passed. I would have liked to have been home more.” There was that sad sigh again. His face portrayed a glimmer of disappointment mixed in with that sadness...and it made my heart ache to see those emotions etched in his features. “Sometimes your dreams require you to make sacrifices though...and we've all made them.”

“Do you feel that the sacrifices were worth it?” Maybe I was digging too deep...it certainly wasn't any of my business to be asking, but it had come out before my brain had the chance to stop it. I just hoped that he didn't take offense to the question. To be completely honest, I wasn't really trying to be nosy...i just really cared about him and how he felt. So sue me for wanting a friendship with the man...to become someone he felt comfortable talking to.

“In some ways...yes they've been worth it, but in other ways...not so much. Does that even make sense?” I knew his light chuckle was in spite of himself, trying to make light of the subject. Or maybe he was trying to make himself feel better about those sacrifices he didn't feel were worth it...I couldn't tell.

“I guess that's to be expected, though.” My gaze had long since turned from the stars, to the man sitting beside me. I felt an ease with him, that was sort of new to me. I didn't really expect to feel this way with him...to feel like I could tell him anything or even bare my soul, to him. “But if the pros outweigh the cons...I'd say you're doing pretty good. Besides...your voice has touched a lot of people...so I think that adds a lot to the list of pros.”

“You know...” He turned, to look at me, his eyes meeting mine. “...you're right. The pros really do outweigh the cons...and I have a lot to be thankful for. I guess I really wouldn't change anything. None of my sacrifices have been drastic...so I suppose there isn't much room for complaint.”

“None of us are one hundred percent satisfied with our lives...there's always something we would have done differently...or would like to change...but over all, I know that I haven't got much to whine about...except that awful snoring behind us! Good grief...I feel like I'm shouting, just so you can hear me over that horrendous noise!” With that, the tone of the conversation changed and we both started laughing.

“I was really irked about being stranded on this island, at first...but you know...it's not turning out half bad.” After standing up, he dusts the sand off his pants and offered me his hand. “I'm glad we got to talk a bit tonight...but I do declare we should get some sleep. And I know how to shut AJ up...” I watched him as he walked over toward AJ's hammock. My jaw hit the sand and my eyes nearly popped out of my sockets when I saw the scene unfold.

Damn it...what the...HELL just happened?!? I was right in the middle of another one of them vision dreams...this time, I was outside sabotaging the 'Just Married' get away limo with condoms, silly string and shaving cream. Come to think of it, last night I was awkwardly playing the part of Howie's groomsman...again...and the night before that I helping him get ready to go say 'I do' for the second time. Seriously...if I'm going to have visions of Howie's future every night, I'm gonna go fuckin' insane. Why can't I dream of my own future? But anyways...all that aside...I had actually been sleeping fairly well before I was rudely awoken! What gives? Never mind...I already know the answer to that because I can hear the evil little cackle from Mr Midget Pants. “What the fuckin' hell is your damn problem, short shit?!?”

“Don't go there, with me, or I'll sell your freakish tattooed hind end to a circus side show...Mr 'I poop myself when I see clowns'!” Oh he did not just go there! Why I aught a.... “Your snoring was getting out of hand, man. Maybe you should have that checked out sometime.” As if a guy has any fuckin' control over whether he snores, or not?! That damn smirk on his face was about to get 'checked out'...by my fist! If I had the proper pillows and my own bed then...nah...forget it...I snore then, too...but that doesn't give him the right to roll me out of bed and wake me up! Who the fuck did he think he was?!?

“Fuck you, D. You're about to see a whole hell of a lot more than just my fuckin' snoring get out of hand! Of that...I can promise.” Getting up, to dust myself off, should have been easy...but oooooooh no! Big fuckin' surprise, my damn foot got tangled up in one of the vines from my hammock...and my dumb ass tripped, landing me back, face down, in the fuckin' sand. Go fuckin' figure. As if that wasn't enough...Resa and Howie were cracking, the fuck, up...like it was the funniest damn thing they'd seen in their lives! What...the...HELL?!?

“Oh...my goodness...” Resa could barely even talk and it was really just making my sour mood even worse. I absolutely hate being laughed at...well...unless I want to be laughed at. You know what...never mind...I don't gotta explain myself. There's a whole list of certain things you don't do, when you know someone was woken up on the wrong side of the bed...er hammock...er sand...whatever the hell ever, you know what I mean, damn it. But you got another fuckin' thing comin' if you think I'm gonna explain that list right now.

“Quit being a baby, AJ. You aren't hurt.” One of us was sure as hell about to get seriously hurt though, that's for damn sure! No one calls me a baby! NO....ONE!

“Fuckin' bring it Dorough! Let's see who the real baby is, huh? Ten to one odds...it ain't gonna fuckin' be me!” Finally to my feet, I tried to do a quick fix on the damaged hammock. Boy was he fuckin' lucky that the damage wasn't extensive!

“You don't have the balls McLean. Drop it and go back to sleep. Just...don't snore.” Oh. Yeah. Right. As if I have any fuckin' control over that? Whatever. My eyes narrowed some but my attention was caught by a whimper coming from the only one left sleeping. Her hammock creaked a bit as she shifted, but she didn't seem to actually wake up.

“Shhh! Quit your bickering! You'll wake Kris up!” Oh for pete fuckin' sake, dude! Miss attitude can allow Howie to rudely wake me up by dumping me in the damn sand, but heaven fuckin forbid if we wake cutie! Yeah...that totally sounds fair and all. What complete bull shit!

“You know what, Resa?! I don't give a rat's ass about waking up your precious best friend! As a matter of fact...” Maybe my next move wasn't the best damn idea I've ever come up with. Ok...I can admit it...I know for a damn fact...that it was a really shitty idea. But to my defense...I was rudely awoken in a very abrupt manner...and I don't think too clearly when that happens. It put me in a really bad fuckin' mood. Go ahead. Sue me. See if I give a fuck!

“AJ! NO!” Resa tried to stop me, she really did, but despite her best efforts I was closer. So before she could reach me, I flipped that one last occupied hammock and Kris flew into the sand, face first just like Howie had done to me. I couldn't help but cringe a little when I realized how hard she hit the ground. I guess I don't know my own strength. You know, I really have been working out a lot lately. I gotta pump up the guns for my lady, if you know what I'm sayin'. Not that I really needed it because let's face it, I'm hot either way...but toning up gives me that extra little umph that makes me downright irresistible! Just ask any female Backstreet fan. Shit, it doesn't matter what I do to my hair or beard...or even if I wear woman's skinny jeans and get my nails all done up...they still think I'm sexy! Buuuut...enough about me...back to what happened...

“AAAAAAH!” I had to cover my ears because that scream could wake the fuckin' dead and I ain't even embellishing. Wait...is embellishing even the right word? Hm. It's something like that. Hell, you know what the fuck I mean. Excuse me if my English ain't fuckin' perfect...as if I even paid attention to school once the group started up. “Wha...what...happened?” The blonde looked totally dazed and confused as she slowly sat up, her hands reaching up to rub at her eyes.

“AJ dumped you in the sand...the jerk.” Mhm...that would be Resa jumping right on in there to squeal on me...fuckin' peachy. I think cutie could have figured it out on her own, without the added help...but whatever. I guess this is I've figured out where we are...Gang Up On AJ Island...b-e-a-u-tiful!

“Oh.” Oh? Oh?!? She just got dumped into the sand...which had royally pissed me off when it happened to me...and all she says is 'oh'? Way to make me look like an ass in serious need of anger management. Alright...maybe I could actually use a session, or two but that's not the point. Shouldn't she be slapping me? Screaming? Retaliating is some manner? God...this chick really irritates the fuck outta me! Oh...now she's pouting...great...that helps my conscience a ton. I just pray no one tell my mom about all this...or my ass is grass. Judging by the look on her face...I'm gonna go ahead and guess...

“Kris? Are you okay?” Shoving my shoulder on the way by, Resa moved over to kneel beside a now sniffling blond that looked like she was about to burst into tears as she kept rubbing at her eye. It's just a little damn sand...how come no one came and knelt by me to make sure I was okay? Huh? They just stood there and laughed like I was some cheap stand up comedian, putting on an act.

“I'm fine it just...hurts.” She's fine...but it hurts? Doesn't being hurt usually equal not being fine? I mean maybe I'm a weirdo...don't even comment on that...but generally when I get hurt...okay never mind. I guess I do the same shit. I twist an ankle and hop along like an idiot, saying I'm fine. Great...now I feel like a bigger damn douche...I don't really mean to treat her so badly...she just annoys me and shit happens. Besides that...this chick is like...emotions on overdrive or whatever so it can't be totally my fault.

“Smooth move, McLean.” What the hell is he ganging up against me for? I guess I should have seen that coming, huh? This really is Gang Up On AJ Island! Yeah well I would have expected him to either back me up of keep his mouth shut. Oh well. Although it wasn't quite rising, yet, the sun was starting to light up the sky, making it plainly obvious that any hope of getting more sleep was going out with the tide...wait...maybe the tide comes in at this time? Hm. I'll have to pay closer attention, I guess. Time sure flies when you're having fun...but it also seems to fly by pretty damn fast when you're bickering, too.

“You started this whole fuckin' mess Dorough! So don't go blaming me for this shit.” I had to stand my ground. I'm not the type to back down. Really. I'm not. Ugh...I guess it's another one of those debatable subjects. I'm not getting into it, damn it. I wasn't backing down this time, though. Sending a scowl his way, I crossed my arms, trying not to be affected by the sniffling blond that was now standing up and trying to dust herself off.

“I...I'm...okay...” Those bright blue eyes kept blinking, as she continued trying to rub the sand from her eye. When she started walking, I knew this would just end up being a repeat of the last time...when I had to go find her. That didn't leave me much choice, so...I followed her, leaving the future couple there to tend the fire and hopefully make food.

“Getting off this island will be a miracle...getting off this island without them killing each other...well...that I don't even think is possible.” I heard Resa's comment but decided my ass was in enough trouble, so I ignored it and continued after Kris.

“Kris...wait up!” My toes dug into the sand as I jogged to close the gap between us. By the time I caught up to her, we had ventured pretty far from the base camp. “Does your eye still hurt?” Go ahead, call me the king of dumb questions...but how else was I supposed start up a conversation, right now?

“Yeah. It kinda...stings.” Thanks to Nick and his love for practical jokes, I knew exactly how she felt. Getting sand in your eyes isn't the most pleasant...in short...it fuckin' sucks. We had to figure a way of getting that sand out before she did more damage...sand can scratch the hell out of your eye, you know. After all...I might not really like the girl...ok, I can't fuckin' stand her...but she really did have some gorgeous, bright blue eyes and it would be a shame for one of her only assets to get all jacked up.

“Quit rubbin' at is, for fuck sake, woman. You'll just scratch your eye all to hell.” Grabbing her wrists, I forced her to stop rubbing her eye which just made her let out a muffled whine. I could tell she was trying to keep quiet and maybe it was to keep me from yelling at her...but I still heard it and it was still annoying.

“I'm sorry...it just really...stings.” Alright, that was the last straw. I had to do something to help the poor chick. Letting out a breath, I began to look around. Think, McLean, think. Wait a second...maybe...

“Okay, okay. Just...sit down for a minute...and don't rub it. I think...I have an idea.” Holding her elbow gently, I helped her sit down before running off. To be honest, I wasn't even sure if this would work like I was planning, but it was worth a shot because it was the only idea I had at the moment. Quickly I snatched up a few leaves of different sizes and hurried back to her. To my surprise, she wasn't rubbing at it...she had her arms wrapped tightly around her knees, to make sure of it.

“Oh good...you're back. It's so hard...not to rub at it Ale...AJ.” Oh lord...cutie almost pulled the 'Alex card', on me.

“Yeah. Now...we're gonna have to use the ocean water, because that's all we've got right now. I know the salt water can sting...or irritate your eye, but I really think that in the long run, it's better than that sand scratching it. Ok? So just...tilt your head back...keep your eye open...and hold still.” It took a few attempts...ok maybe like 50 because she wouldn't stop moving...or maybe it was just my hand shaking a little? Either way, it took a while. But I used a large leaf to scoop water from the ocean then dripped it onto a smaller leaf that sorta funneled it into her eye...thus washing the sand away. Thank God it worked!

By the time we got her eye taken care of and started walking back to camp, it had to be nearing lunch time and boy was I starving! Luckily, I could smell food as we got closer to camp. But it soon because obvious to me, as we got there, that something was very wrong...

Yes...ok...it was funny to dump Mr. Cranky Pants into the sand. Actually, it was straight up hilarious! But now I felt bad, for Kris. I honestly thought that any repercussions of sending him in the sand, would have been directed at me. This just goes to show that AJ isn't the most rational thinker, most of the time...he works purely on impulse, more often than not, and that's what usually gets him into trouble. You would think that man would learn from his mistakes, at some point...but he's over 30 years running and still as smart as a box of rocks. Just...please don't tell him I said that, okay?

Once AJ followed Kris down the beach, leaving Resa and I alone, we resumed talking. But now it was different. It wasn't about personal things. Conversation was now surrounding the hike that looked more and more, like it was going to happen even though it hadn't really been discussed in any further depth. Isn't it funny how that happens? An idea gets brought up once and people debate over it...the decision isn't made, but yet everyone kind of comes to a silent understanding? Our small group had come to a silent understanding, I think, that this hike was inevitable.

“Do you think that, maybe, we should work on trying to make some of the backpacks or tether lines today? If we are really going to try taking this hike, we should do it while the weather is nice.” Poking at the fire, she shifted from one foot to the other before finally sitting down on the closest stump. “I'd really hate getting stuck in the middle of a huge storm. We don't have any idea what we're getting into or if we'll have any kind of protection out there.”

“The weather does seem to change rather quickly, doesn't it?” Wrinkling my brow, I started looking up at the sky. Everything seemed crystal clear at this very moment. “We should try to make good use of the weather while we can, before any storms start moving in.”

“Definitely. And these storms seem to roll in so fast. We could be completely blindsided by one, if we aren't careful.” She sighed a bit, twisting her lip. There was no doubt, that this hike could possibly present many different kinds of danger, for us. And there was no way to be fully prepared, either...especially when we probably had no idea what half of those dangers even were. “The storms don't seem to give much warning, either.”

“I know...they just seem to pop up out of nowhere.” I rubbed my hand over my face, realizing that we had to get working on preparations...any and all that we could possibly make. “We better work on getting some stuff done. We need to be as prepared as we can be...for whatever might be out there.” That was enough reason for me to start heading toward the tree line. Surely I could find an gather some useful items to help us. Then...it happened. I saw...the biggest...the fattest...the longest...

“Howie? Where are you going? Shouldn't you...” Resa didn't even get the chance to finish her line of questioning before my voice his it's highest pitch, piercing the air like a hot knife. Yes. I'm quite sure I was screaming like a little school girl.

“SNAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!” It was so close...so big...so vicious looking, as it hissed at me. Naturally, I tried to jump out of the way as it's head rose up, ready to strike. I'm sure the whole island could hear my screams as my life flashed before me eyes. I felt the long, sharp fangs pierce through the skin of my right ankle, sinking deep within the flesh and muscle. Pain surged up my leg, making my drop to the sand in agony. I could practically feel the venom trickling its way into my blood stream.

“HOWIE!” In a split second, Resa was kneeling by my side, pulling my leg onto her lap. The deadly poison was surely getting close to my heart, by now...taking over my system...filling my body. I've seen is on Animal Planet...I was lucky if I had any more than twenty minutes left, of my life and then it would be over. “Are you alright?”

“Does it look like I'm alright?! I'm gonna die! Dear God, above me, have mercy upon my soul!” Weary and already feeling the breath beginning to leave my lungs, I lay back in the sand, starting to gasp for the precious air I had previously taken for granted.

“Howie...you're going to be fine.” Oh how I wish that were true, but I could almost see the angels coming to greet me. How could a woman that had confided to me her fear of snakes, be so calm and collected in a time of such despair. Never before had I imagined that darkness and light could mix, quite like this...

“I feel...cold...tired...” How could she be so insensitive? She was rolling her eyes at me! And she was trying not to laugh! Even AJ had more heart than to laugh at a dying man. I was dying the kind of slow painful death that people feared...enduring the wrenching pain of a poisonous venom over taking my body...and she was just acting like it was a joke. Dropping my head back into the sand, I closed my eyes and let out a struggled groan.

“Seriously, Howie...if you'd just...” Her mocking voice was starting to get so distant...and fuzzy. Everything around me seemed to just...fade...slowly...away. So this is what death was like? I felt Resa's hand lightly tapping mt cheeks, trying hard to get me to pay attention to her. How selfish. I'm dying, but she wants the attention?

“Oh...my...goodness! Howard Dorough! Come on now...will you just let me help you down to the shoreline?” Was she crazy? If I'm lying here half dead, surely I can't get down to the shoreline! Doesn't she realize that my body has lost it's strength?

“The angels...are singing...to...me. I can...hear...them...they are...so soft...” With great effort, I was able to flutter my eyes back open, only to see that same amused grin upon her lips. But why? Did she secretly want to see a backstreet Boy perish before her eyes? I've heard that some fans have crazy fantasies about that sort of thing, but I hadn't pegged Resa to be one of them. Maybe I was wrong.

“You are such a drama king. Now come on...” Moving to lift my arm, she wrapped it around her shoulders and tried to sit me up. My head rolled to the side, landing on her shoulder as the world, around me, got even fuzzier than before.

“Please...tell my...family...that...I love them...and my fans...that...they have always...meant...the world...to me.” My last dying wish was just for everyone to know that I appreciated them and that...as the solo song had always claimed...my heart would stay with them. Isn't that a cruel twist of fate? All these years, of singing 'My Heart Stays With You' and now it was what my mind drifted to as I was dying.

“Oh good grief! Tell them yourself, Dorough...because you are not...I repeat...NOT...gonna die. Okay?” The woman was surprisingly strong as she lifted me up, off the sand. My leg felt swollen and the pain just increased throughout my entire leg. At least it wouldn't be long, and it would be all over. I had...maybe ten minutes left, now...if I was lucky.

“Daddy...here...I...come...” My breaths were becoming more struggled as my heart began to race faster than I ever even knew possible. My toes were cold...so cold...like ice. My legs had that numb tingling as if I had been sitting wrong for far too long. Even my fingers... “I see...my...sister...” I really could see her beautiful face float to the front of my mind, as my weakened body sagged against Resa.

“Oh I give up Howard. You are being utterly ridiculous!” I don't know if we ever even made it to the shoreline before my eyes fluttered closed once more. Alas...death was upon me...ready to consume me. The Lord must be in need of another angel, today.

Darkness took over me and my body just...felt numb. I have no idea how long I was floating there between life and death...but it seemed so short and so long, at the same time. Then...suddenly...a deep voice boomed inside my head. This was it...

“What...the FUCK...happened to Howie?!?” Wait...was that...God? It couldn't be! God doesn't swear. Does he?

“He just got bit by a snake and freaked out.” That angel's voice sounded to familiar, but why couldn't I see anything other than void darkness? Where were the pearly gates? Wasn't St. Peter supposed to meet me and...check for my name in the Great book or...direct me to the throne...something?

“That just fuckin' figures, the damn idiot!” Oh no! Could it be possible...that I went...the other way? No! No...it couldn't be! Please, no!

“Is he just...passed out...or what?" There was the soft voice of another angel. But I was still seeing no sign of heaven, just a never ending darkness. What the heck was going on?

“Pretty much. But I think it was more because of his panicking about death, than is was about the actual snake bite.” Giggles filled the air around me. Do angels laugh? I suppose they must, huh? But I still don't understand why God...

“And the shit head called ME a fuckin' baby! Oh just wait until Nick hears about this! What a damn moron. For fuck sake...it don't even look that bad!” ...was swearing. Furthermore...why does God sound so much like AJ? “I bet his dumb ass is layin' there...unconscious...thinkin' he fuckin' went to heaven, too! HA! Wouldn't it be a damn hoot if he thought my voice was that of God?” What the...? The next thing I heard confirmed that God sounded like AJ because it was AJ...no one laughs like that man does and he was just busting a gut, at my expense. What a dick!

“So...he's gonna be okay?” If 'God' was AJ...which is the weirdest and most screwed up sounding phrase EVER...than the angel speaking now must be Kris and the other angel was...

“He'll be fine. I tried telling him that the snake he was bit by, wasn't even poisonous. But...he was to into the dramatics, to listen.” ...yeah...that must be Resa. Wow was my head starting to pound. The pain in my leg was starting to come back, too.

“It's official...Howard Dorough...is incapable of dealing with a survival situation. First he lost a fight with a coconut...and now this?!” What a loser!” Whenever I got back on my feet...I was going to beat the cocky attitude right out of that tattooed know it all!

“But...um...if memory serves me right...” Kris' voice was soft and almost timid as she interrupted him. “...didn't you lose a fight with a coconut, too?” Oh yeah! He did, didn't he? HA! In his face!