THE GREAT FOREHEAD DARE OF 1995

“Truth or dare.”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to draw a penis on Kevin’s forehead.”

“No problem.”

“Without him waking up.”

“Again, a piece of cake.”

“While humming ‘It’s a Small World After All’.”

“Dude you can keep trying to make it harder but it ain’t gonna scare me, seriously, this is sooo not a problem. I’m stealth. Like a cat. Like a panther. Like a stealth invisible panther-man. I’m like a super hero panther that’s like –“

“Did you take your ADHD meds?”

“Shut up.” I looked at my watch. It was only 4:00. I wasn’t due for another two hours.

AJ and I were sitting in the living area of the bus in the wee hours of the morning, neither of us able to sleep. It was dark, the other three guys were sound asleep, and even from here I could hear Kevin snoring and Howie mumbling to himself about something.

“Well go on, ya pansy,” AJ directed, flicking his wrist towards the bunks. “Go draw a pee-pee on Kevin’s forehead.” He grabbed a Sharpie off the table and threw it at me. “Don’t forget the balls.”

“What do you want? A fucking anatomy class homework page?” I asked, rolling my eyes.

“Nawh, an outline will do.” AJ stuck his hands together, his fingers bent into circles and cupped them over his eyes like they were glasses, his arms twisted in a ridiculous fashion. He grinned at me.

“Okay, here I go.” I uncapped the Sharpie and tiptoed towards the bunks. I could hear AJ giggling behind me as I made my way through the darkness towards Kevin’s bunk. My hand shaking slightly – I was more nervous about waking the beast than I’d let on to AJ, of course – I reached for the curtain.

“Don’t forget to hum,” AJ hissed in an exaggerated whisper.

I nodded, then pulled the curtain back.

Kevin was dead cold out of it. His jaw was wide open his loud snores and snorts coming out of his nose. His eyes flickered ever so slightly as he drew the snore inward and I could see the whites of his eyes. I swallowed. Kevin slept on. I glanced at AJ, he was grinning like a maniac, his eyes eager. He swished his hands, motioning for me to go on and do it already.

I took a deep breath and turned back to Kevin. I raised the Sharpie. I started humming.

It’s a small world affffter all, it’s a small world affffter all, it’s a small, small world…

My hand traced the outline of a penis – with balls – across Kevin’s forehead as I hummed. Swoop, swoop, loooong swoop…

I pulled back and reached for the curtain to shut it. Just before I started to pull it shut, Kevin’s eyes snapped open. I froze. I dropped the Sharpie. “Shit,” I muttered as the exposed black tip hit the tile floor and left a scribbly mark. I looked up at Kevin. “Uhhh… hi there,” I said, smiling innocently. “What’s up?”

He glared at me. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Are you awake yet?” I asked, whiny. I kicked at the Sharpie, trying to get it to go down a little air vent by my foot. The marker was like a millionth of a billionth of a centimeter too big to wedge down in there. Dammit.

Kevin’s eyebrows furrowed suspiciously. “Do I look it?”

“Well kinda you do now,” I answered, “But I wasn’t sure before and I was gonna ask you if you were and –“

Kevin looked down at my feet. He saw me trying to shove the Sharpie into regions unknown with my toe. He jumped down out of his bunk, bent, lifted my foot by the ankle and picked up the Sharpie. He held it up. “Explain?”

I paused. AJ was doing the cut-throat motion behind Kevin. I blinked and stared up at Kevin dumbfoundedly. I said the first thing that came to mind.

“KEVIN WILL YOU AUTOGRAPH MY TSHIRT? YOU’RE MY FAVORITEST BACKSTREET BOY EVER!” I leaped at him, mimicking a fan that we’d met earlier, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck. Kevin stood there, not even budging when my full body weight hit him, me hanging off him like an eccentric Christmas tree decoration.

“Shut the fuck up,” Kevin snapped. He reached up and pried my hands away from his neck and I slid down the length of him to the floor, where my legs and arms were wrapped around his legs at his knee. I looked up at him. “Just because someone was in adoration over another one of us besides you and your blonde-haired-blue-eyed ass…” he began.

Brian peeked out from his bunk, coming face-to-face with Kevin. He blinked at Kevin’s forehead, the clapped a hand over his mouth. “Ohmigosh,” he muttered, turning red. He looked at me. “You didn’t do that to me, right?” he asked, a hand going to his forehead.

Kevin cluelessly looked at Brian, holding the Sharpie, his legs pinned together by me.

“Didn’t do what to you?” Kevin asked.

Brian pointed to his forehead, “Well, you sort of look like a unicorn…” Brian giggled.

Kevin’s brows nearly touched, “What?” He kicked me off his legs and started towards the bathroom.

I looked up at Brian. “His brows kinda looked like pubic hair,” Brian hissed. He glanced up as Kevin disappeared into the bathroom. “Nick… Run, save yourself!” he said in a dramatic voice.

He was right. I had precious limited amount of time before…

”NICKOLAS FUCKING GENE FUCKING CARTER!”

I scrambled for the door of the bus. AJ was laughing hysterically as Kevin shoved by him out of the bathroom, headed for me as I bolted down the abnormally shaped steps and into the parking lot outside the bus door. I ran like a bat out of fucking hell across the parking lot towards the venue, my legs propelling me as fast as their length could possibly reach. Kevin came to a panting stop several feet away from the bus.

My Converse sneakers pounded the cement and I hurdled myself over a short 4-foot chain-link fence into the main parking lot, where there were like five cars parked under yellow glowing streetlamps. I leaned against the fence and marveled at the turn of events, wondering how bad Kevin was gonna pound the shit out of me later, and what the hell I was gonna do until I got the guts up to go back and get the shit pounded out of me.

When I glanced back, Brian, Howie and AJ were all peeking out windows of the bunks on the right side of the bus, Kevin was doubled over, breathing and holding his knees. “When you come back –“ Kevin called, “And you will come back,” he added, “—I’m gonna kill you, Carter!”

I was reminded of the scene in The Lion King when Simba bolts from the hyenas into the desert.

Going back was probably overrated anyhow. Right?