“I have the perfect guy for you.” Sasha told me. I rolled my eyes.

It’s not that I didn’t want to find a nice guy and settle down. I just didn’t have the time or patience to date. My life was busy. I was content.

“Really?”

“You’re thirty-two years old. You need to have a life besides work. Emma you need to get laid.”

“I’m sorry my life is not good enough for you. I’m perfectly happy.” I replied.

“Fine. You are totally happy. Would a little more happiness hurt?”

“Tell me about this so called perfect guy.” I placed the roll of stickers on the wall.

“His name is Nick. Tall, built, and hot as hell. He’s a musician. Nick is friends with Kevin.”

Oh, lord if Nick is a friend of Kevin’s I’m sure he is not perfect. Kevin is Sasha’s flavor of the month. He cheated on his wife with Sasha. Now he is in the process of getting a divorce. She certainly knows how to pick them. I wasn’t sure of her judgment when it came to men.

“I’m not so sure. Kevin’s not the best at making choices.”

“I know you don’t like him. I’m sorry he cheated on his wife. He makes me happy. I want you to be happy.” Sasha straightened the stack of cardstock.

“I am happy. I’ll go on one date with this Nick guy. That way you will be happy and will stop pestering me.”

“Thank you, Emma. You won’t regret it.”

I smiled at my friend and coworker. She meant well, but I wish she would leave my personal life alone.

--------------------------------

(A FEW DAYS LATER)

I was meeting this Nick guy at small restaurant near my business. We were having a lunch date. I left Sasha in charge of the store. I hope it was in once piece when I returned.

“Good afternoon miss. Can I help you?”

“Yes, I have a reservation under Carter.”

“Right this way.” I followed the hostess to the table.

I saw a gorgeous man sitting at the table. This couldn’t be the guy I was being set up with. I was so plain compared to him. Why would a superstar want to date me? This was not going to turn out well.

He stood up as I arrived at the table. Nick gave a small smile.

“Hello, you must be Emma.” I nodded.

“It’s nice to meet you Nick.” I smiled back at him.

“Kevin and Sasha have told me a lot about you.”

“Really.” I raised an eyebrow at him.

“Yes, all wonderful things.”

“Okay.” I had no clue what to say.

Dating had never been on the top of my list. At thirty-two, I think I had only been on about five dates.  I felt awkward and foolish.

He picked up a menu and handed it to me.

“Thank you.”

“Have you eaten here before?”

“Yes. The garlic shrimp with spinach ravioli is to die for. The chicken alfredo is good, also.”

“You must eat here a lot.”

“My cousin’s the owner. He makes me try every new item on the menu. He sends me dinner nightly at the store.”

The waiter came over and took our order.

“So, you own your own store.”

“I do. It’s called Scrap Your Memories. I sell scrapbooking supplies and teach classes. I also offer scrapbooking parties.”

“That sounds interesting. I will have to check it out.”

It was easy talking to Nick. I didn’t even feel like I was on a date.

“Sasha said you were a musician. Tell me about it.”

“Well, I’m part of a singing group call Backstreet Boys. I also play drums and guitar.”

“Wow you sound very talented. Is that how you know Kevin?”

“Yeah, Kevin was part of the Backstreet Boys, but left the group a few years ago.”

“I see.” I couldn’t stand Kevin, but I didn’t want to tell him that.

“Have you lived in L.A. all your life?” He asked quietly.

“Unfortunately I have. I’m not fond of all the hustle and bustle. Plus all the stupid celebrities thinking they are entitled to the world because of their pretty faces get to me.” I looked at Nick and realized I was talking about him.

“Nick, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound so…”

“It’s okay. I know what you mean. L.A. is full of idiots who act like there’s nothing else in life but partying. I used to be that way, but I’m not.”  He took my hand in his.

“I’m glad you changed. You seem like a great down to earth guy.”

“You seemed surprised by that. Though, I find you refreshing. You are so open and honest. You don’t get that much here.”

“I’ve lived in L.A. my whole life. My dad was some big wig at Paramount Pictures. He cheated on my mom with some hot new actress. He got her pregnant and she was only seventeen. Needless to say he left my mom with four kids and married his teenage lover. I was ten and haven’t talked to my dad since.”

“What an ass! I see why you don’t like this scene.”

“After watching my mom struggle for years because of that lifestyle, it made me sick.  If I could leave this town, I would.”

Our food arrived and we started to eat. The conversation continued.

“So tell me about your siblings.”

“Well, I have two brothers. Gabriel is thirty. He moved to Colorado and is a ski instructor.  Steve is living in San Francisco with his boyfriend Tony. They own a hair salon. My sister Haley is in L.A. She’s in med school. Do you have any siblings?”

“My brother Aaron and my sister Leslie are singers. My sister Angel is a model. BJ is learning to be a chef at the moment.”

“Wow you have a big family.”

“I do. I really enjoyed our lunch today. Do you think we could do this again?” He asked shyly. It was the first time all afternoon that he acted shy. It was kind of cute.

“That would be nice. I enjoyed talking to you. You aren’t like other celebrities.”

“Thanks. I enjoyed talking to a normal person from L.A.” He took my hand and placed a gentle kiss on it.

I had to give Sasha credit this time. She actually set me up with a guy that was intelligent, funny, and handsome. This was the first time I wanted to go on a second date.

Ever since my lunch date with Nick, he had been calling me. We have been dating for two weeks. Everyday he surprises me by taking me to lunch. He was a nice normal guy. It was hard to believe he was a celebrity. Nick didn’t act spoiled or use his name to his advantage.

I had just finished teaching a scrapbooking class for new moms. As they were filing out, Nick and Kevin came in.

“Hey Emma.”

“Hello Nick. Hi Kevin.”

Kevin nodded his head and walked over to Sasha.

“What brings you here?” I gave him a hug.

“I wanted to let you know that I can’t do lunch today. I have a business meeting. I’ll pick you up tonight at eight. I’m taking you out for a romantic dinner. Wear something gorgeous.”

“Okay.”

“You sound unsure.” He smiled at me.

“Nick, this is like a real date. I don’t go on real dates.” I said bashfully.

“Tonight I’m going to treat you like a princess. You deserve to be treated special.”

“Nick, we need to go.” Kevin rushed him away.

“See you tonight Emma.” He blew me a kiss as he walked out the door. I stood there lost in my thoughts.

“Earth to Emma.”

“Oh, what do you need Sasha?”

“Nothing. You were standing there gushing. I think someone’s falling for a certain someone.” She pushed her long brown hair out of the way.

“He’s such a gentleman. Nick is the sweetest guy I’ve dated.”

“Have you slept with him yet?”

“No. We aren’t even a couple yet. I don’t sleep around.”

“I forgot you’re not the kind of girl. You are waiting until you are in love.” She rolled her eyes at me.

“What’s wrong with that?” I took relationships and sex seriously. I wasn’t just going to sleep with someone because I could. I wanted to be in love. I would know when the time was right to make love to the man of my dreams.

“Nothing if you are like sixteen. You are a thirty-two year old woman. Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure.”

“Have you ever had sex?”

Sasha was one of my closest friends, but my sex life or lack of sex life was my business. I never told anyone. I trusted her, so I was ready to confide in her.

“No, I’m still a virgin.” I whispered and looked at the ground.

“What are you waiting for?”

“The right man. I’ll know who I want to share my body and soul with. I’ve seen to many people’s relationships screwed up because of sex.”

“Maybe Nick is the right man for you. That guy is so freaking sexy. He oozes charm and sex.” Sasha fanned herself. I laughed at her.

“I agree he’s hot. He is sweet and so down to earth. He’s been a true gentleman.”

“Have you at least kissed him yet?”

“Nothing more than a quick peck on the lips. We haven’t reached the foot popping type of kiss.”

“What?”

“You know a kiss that is so romantic your foot pops.”

“You are so weird.”

-----------------------------------------------

I took one final glance in the mirror. I looked somewhat pretty for a plain Jane type of girl. I chose my favorite little black dress. It had little cap sleeves and came down to my knees. I slid on my two inch black heels. My dirty blonde chin length hair was done in waves. I was as girly as I would ever be.

I grabbed my purse as the door rang. I opened it and Nick walked in carrying a bouquet of wild flowers.

“Emma, you look stunning. These are for you.” He handed me the flowers and kissed my cheek.

“Thank you Nick. Let me put these in a vase.”

I quickly put the flowers in a vase and we were on our way.

After a twenty minute drive, we arrived at our destination.

“Wow Nick, this house is beautiful.”

“Thank you. This is where I live when I’m in Los Angeles.”

“You have a beautiful view. I can see why you live here.”

We walked out onto the balcony. Twinkly lights were everywhere. It was totally romantic.

“Sit down. Dinner is ready.”

We both took our seats. Dinner was served. Everything was delicious. We talked casually throughout dinner.

“Would you like to dance?”

“Sure.”

He grabbed my hand, and he pulled me close to him. We swayed to the soft slow music.

“Emma, these last couple weeks have been wonderful. I love being with you. You’re a breath of fresh air.”

“Thanks Nick. I enjoyed spending time with you. It’s been so much fun.”

Nick stopped dancing. He tilted my chin. Slowly he pressed his lips gently on mine. I felt a tingle in my stomach. My hands moved to his hair. He brought me closer as he continued to ravish my mouth. I had never been kissed like this, but I definitely like it. I slowly felt my foot pop.

“Wow!” I said quietly. Nick looked at me and smiled at me.

“You took my breath away, Emma. No one has done that to me in a long time.”

“I don’t know what to say Nick, but I liked it.”

“Will you be my girlfriend?”

I had never been anyone’s girlfriend. My gosh I sounded lame even to myself. I was ready to take a risk in my life. I had always played it safe. I was going to let my heart lead this time.

“Of course.”

Nick picked me up and spun me around. We both started to laugh. I was giddy and falling hard for Nick Carter.

“You made me the happiest man in the world.”

“I wouldn’t take it that far. Maybe the city.”

“You don’t give yourself enough credit Miss Emma Warde. You are a beautiful, kind, genuine woman. Any man would be crazy not to fall for you.”

I grabbed Nick and pulled him close to me. Our lips met in a sweet kiss.

Nick and I were sitting around my apartment looking through scrapbooks. We were looking at one of my family.

“You made an adorable baby. All those soap bubbles on your head.”

We both laughed. I gave him a peck on the lips.

“Nick, you’re such a dork. I can’t wait to see your baby pictures. I bet you were a chubby little butter ball.” I teased.

“I’m never going to show you my baby book. You’re just gonna wait until you see our babies.”

Really, now? He was planning on us having kids. We have only been a couple for about three weeks. I had only known him for a little over a month. I chose to ignore his comment and threw a pillow at him.

“Why are you always throwing pillows at me? I think I need to discipline you.”

Nick took the scrapbook and placed it on the table. He pushed me down onto the sofa. His lips met mine in a frenzy of passion and delicateness. I don’t know how he could kiss me that way. I felt the need to run, but felt protected at the same time.

“You are the best kisser.”

“It’s only because of who I’m kissing. I could kiss you forever and ever and ever and ever.” He placed baby kisses all over my face.

“I think you’re delusional.”

He covered my mouth to shut me up. Nick always did this when I wasn’t confident. He didn’t like the way I was doubted my self worth. Since meeting him my self-esteem skyrocketed. At times I felt like a new woman. At other times I was still the timid little girl I was at ten. I was so in experienced compared to him.

“Can I ask you a question, Emma?”

“Sure.”

“Tell me about your past relationships.”

“Well, there’s not much to tell. I’ve only dated about five guys my entire life. Nothing was ever serious with any of them.” I answered honestly. There was no reason to not tell the truth. I believed in being honest with Nick. That’s the key to a solid relationship in my view.

“I’m glad it didn’t work out with those losers. You are all mine to love. They missed out on a great lady.”

“Nick, I think you are the sweetest, kindest guy I know. You think so highly of me, I’m beginning to believe it myself.”

“Emma, you are a great woman. I don’t know who tore you down all these years. I wish you could see how wonderful you truly are.”

“Oh, Nicky. I have my faults. No one is perfect. We all have our demons. Some just take longer to come out.”

“I’ll love you demons and all. I’m falling in love with you.”

Wow! I never had a guy in love with me before. At thirty-two, I was as inexperienced as a fourteen year old. I felt giddy and terrified at the same moment. I think I was falling in love.

“Nick, I think I’m falling in love with you.” I whispered.

“As long as you love me demons and all.”

“I will, but isn’t that part of one of your songs?” I stared at him.

“I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did, as long as you love me.” He sang.

I threw another pillow at him.

“Woman, would you quit throwing pillows at me? I mean seriously how many pillows do you own?” He made a funny face at me.

I bust into a fit of giggles. I couldn’t stop. Nick joined in.

“I haven’t laughed like this in forever.”

“Me neither. Let’s go make some dinner.” I grabbed his hand and pulled him into the kitchen.

I opened up the freezer and looked inside.

“Do you see anything good in there?” He asked.

“Umm…not really.” I moved some things around. “Ooh how about some grilled chicken.”

“Sounds yummy.”

“Go start the grill. I’ll quickly defrost this in the microwave.”

We both got started on our tasks. As the chicken was defrosting, I got some vegetables from the fridge. I started washing and chopping lettuce.

“Is the chicken ready to go?” Nick asked.

“Yeah, I put a brown sugar barbecue rub on it. Do you want anything else besides a salad?”

“That’s perfect.” He took the plate of chicken and went back on my balcony.”

Within the half hour dinner was cooked and ready to eat. We both sat down at the table.

“Mmm…everything looks yummy.” Nick dug in.

“When are you heading back to Orlando? Sasha said you are going to start recording again.”

“We are scheduled to start recording on the twentieth.”

“I’m going to miss you.”

“I’m going to miss you. I enjoy spending time with you.” Nick said as his cell phone went off. “Excuse me.”

He got up and went out on the balcony. I sat there eating my dinner. A few minutes later Nick walked back in. He looked pissed.

“I hate to do this, but I got to leave. Kevin got into a fight with Kristin. He’s drunk and pissed off. I have to go take care of him.”

“I understand Nick. You have a friend in need. Go take care of Kevin. If you need me, don’t hesitate to call me.” I stood up.

We both quietly walked to the door. Nick turned to me and pulled me close. Our lips met in a sweet kiss.

“Thanks for being the best girlfriend. I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Nick quietly left my apartment with pout on his face. It made my heart melt. I was definitely falling harder and faster in love with Nick.

Sasha and were sitting in Kevin’s living room. Kevin was having a small get together at his house.

“So have you and Nick done it yet?” Sasha asked.

“That’s none of your business.” I replied.

“That means no. You know he’s not going to wait forever.”

Nick chose that moment to walk into the room.

“What am I not going to wait forever for?” He asked curiously as he sat down next to me.

“Umm…nothing.” My face grew pink.

“Emmers please don’t be embarrassed.”

I stood up and walked into the kitchen.

“Sasha is everything okay with Emma?” Nick asked in concern. He could tell that I was upset, but gave me some space to clear my head.

“You’re going to have to talk to her. It’s her issue to tell.” Nick sighed.

He got up and walked into the kitchen. He wrapped his arms around Emma.

“Sweetheart what’s wrong?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I tried to ignore the tears coming from my eyes.

Nick turned me around so that I was facing him. He wiped my tears away with his thumbs.

“I don’t like to see you cry. Was it something I did?”

“No. It’s just my past haunting me. Sasha just hit a sore spot.”

“You can tell me anything. I promise to not get mad. I have issues. My past has haunted me many times.” He spoke softly.

“Nick, I’m a virgin.” I blurted out.

“Okay.”

“Is that all you’re going to say?”

“What did you expect me to say?”

“That you don’t want to be with me anymore.” I answered honestly. I didn’t know how to feel about his response.

“Em, it’s going to take a lot more than that for me to breakup with you. I care a lot about you. I wanna know why you’ve waited.”

“I’ve had opportunities, but I just couldn’t. It’s not that I’m waiting until marriage because I’m not. I’m just waiting for the right time. I’ll know when I’m ready to give my body to that special man. I think seeing how sex ruined my parents marriage, I’ve always been cautious.” I explained.

“I can understand that. Do you think I might be in the running to be that special man?”

“I think so. As long as you are patient, it may take me a while to get to that point.”

“I think I can wait. Does it bother you that I’m overly experienced?” Nick rubbed my arms. I thought about for a few minutes.

“It doesn’t bother me, but I worry that I won’t measure up to all those women.”

“It will be wonderful and special. You’ll put me under spell and all those other women will disappear from my memory.”

I reached up and placed a kiss on his lips.

“Enough of that PDA.” We broke apart.

“Fuck off, J.”

“Who’s this beautiful woman standing next to you?”

“J, this is Emma. Emma this is my friend and brother AJ.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you AJ.”

“No the pleasure is all mine. What are you doing with a guy like him?”

“What is wrong with me?” He pouted.

“Nothing.”  I placed a kiss on his cheek.

-------------------------------

“Nicky here is a trouble maker.” Kevin joked.

“He seems too sweet to be a trouble maker.”

“Has Nick drugged you?”

“No. He’s been the sweetest gentleman I’ve met in a long time.” I smiled.

“I don’t think we are talking about the same guy. The Nick I know puts crap in sock and hides it in a drum. This is the guy draws pictures with sharpies on your face when you’re sleeping.” AJ tattled on Nick.

“Not my Nick.”

“Oh Emma. I need to take you to lunch and share all my stories about Nick. He’s not so innocent.”

“You are not taking my girlfriend to lunch. You stay away from her.” Nick punched him in the arm.

“Ouch, that hurt. Go to hell, Kaos.”

“I meant it to hurt.” Nick laughed. He pulled me closer to him. It felt good to have someone adore me.

I was enjoying hanging out with Nick’s friends. They were a good group of guys.

“Ashton, would you like to help me clean up?” Sasha asked.

“Sure.” I grabbed the glasses and followed her into the kitchen.

“I’m impressed Nick. You finally found a normal woman.”

“Emma is great. I’m falling in love with her.”

“You certainly are different when you with her. It’s a good change in you.” Kevin commented.

“Thanks, man. There’s just something about her. She makes me forget what an asshole I’ve been in years past. Emma makes me want to be a better person. I know that sounds cliché, but I feel like a Hallmark card.”

“You’ve lost it man. She must be good in bed.” AJ puffed on his cigarette.

“We have slept together yet.” Nick mumbled.

“What did you say?”

“We have slept together yet.”

“The original male slut hasn’t slept with his new girlfriend yet. I’m shocked.” AJ said. Kevin laughed.

“Go to hell. My relationship with Emma is different. We are taking things slowly.”

“There has to be more to the story than that.” Kevin commented. Nick knew that he knew more about the situation. He was sure that Sasha filled him in on Emma’s personal life. She was nice, but he didn’t trust her.

“That’s between us. I don’t ask you personal questions about why you cheated on your wife with Sasha.” Nick was getting pissed.

“That was a low blow, Nick. You don’t need to bring my shit into this.” Kevin’s eyes darkened.

“I wish you guys would leave my relationship alone. I’m happy. Leave it be. I don’t need you meddling.” Nick got up and went inside.

“That boy is whipped.” AJ cackled.

“I know why they haven’t slept together. She’s a virgin.” Kevin told AJ quietly.

“Does Nick know?”

“I don’t know.  He’ll be on to someone else when he finds out.”

“He seems smitten. I’ve never seen him like that. I’ll bet you twenty bucks he stays with her.”

“Fine. I say they breakup within the month. He’s going to get antsy once he’s in Orlando.”

It was a rainy day in L.A. Nick was settled on the couch reading a book. I walked into the living room with two cups of steaming coffee. Nick looked up and took off his glasses. I handed him a cup.

“Thanks Emmers.” He placed a kiss on my cheek.

I sat next to him on the couch. We sat in a comfortable silence. I nuzzled against him.

“I love rainy days.”

“I love spending any day with you. I’m going to miss you when I leave next week.”

“I know.  We’ve spent everyday together since we met. I’m going to feel lost without you.”

“At least I’m only going to record for a few days.” He wrapped his arms around me.

“What are you doing for Thanksgiving?”

“I really didn’t have anything planned. I probably will eat with one of the other guys.”

“Would you be interested in coming to Colorado with me? My family is going to my brother’s house.”

Nick didn’t speak for a few minutes. It worried me that he was taking this long to make a decision. It was a simple yes or no.

“I would love to. I can get a flight from Florida the day before.” I smiled at him.

“That would be great. I’m flying in with my mom on the same day. Maybe we can time our flights for around the same time.” I pressed my lips to his.

Nick set my cup down on the table. He then placed his mouth on my neck. He slowly sucked up my neck to my ear. It felt wonderful. I had never had this feeling course through my body. Nick did things to me that no one ever had. I was lost in his touch. He quickly pulled me onto his lap and moved his hands to the bottom of my sweater.  My fingers moved into Nick’s spiky hair. His mouth reached mine. I opened my mouth and let his tongue enter. Our tongues moved together. My mind was over stimulated. Nick’s hands moved underneath my shirt to my breasts. I broke the kiss.

“Nick, I’m not ready.” I breathed heavily. I was embarrassed by my reaction.

“It’s okay Emma. I’m in no rush.” Nick ran his fingers through his hair.

“You must think I’m a prude.” I got off his lap.

“I think no such thing. Everyone is different. Every relationship is different. I’m not a horny teenager. I can wait until you’re ready.”

“I do want you Nick. Right now, it’s just too soon. You make my insides stir.” I admitted.

“That’s all I need to hear, babe. Now I think I need a cold shower.” He joked. I punched him in the arm.

My cell phone alarm went off.

“Crap. I’m going to be late for work.” I stood up and started looking for my shoes. I found them and put them on.

“Relax sweetie. Give me the phone number to your store. I’ll call Beth and let her know you’re running late. Then I will lock up for you.”

“Thank you. You’re the best.” I gave him the phone number and rushed out of the house.

-------------------------------

“Who’s the young man with you in the photo?” Mrs. Wheaten asked.

“He’s my boyfriend.”

“You make a nice couple.” She smiled at me.

I was working on a scrapbook page with photos of us. It was going to be a Christmas gift.

“Thank you.”

“He looks so familiar. I think I’ve seen him before.” She peered at me over her glasses.

“He’s a singer.”

“Oh, I know. He’s a Backstreet Boy.” Mrs. Wheaten replied. She was seventy five years old and knew who my boyfriend was. She impressed me.

“Yes. How did you know that?” I giggled.

“My granddaughters are in love with the Backstreet Boys. Jenna has his face plastered all over her walls.”

Nick stood against the entrance way smiling at me and Mrs. Wheaten.

“My other granddaughter is in love with Brian. I think Howie is sexy. Though I’m partial to the Latin guys. They are such better lovers. You need to find a Latin man.”

Nick couldn’t keep quiet any longer.

“I think she found herself a great lover.” He smirked. Mrs. Wheaten looked up in surprise. My face turned a nice shade of red.

“Well, well, well. Look who we have here. It’s the famous Nick Carter.” She walked over to him.

“Hello. It’s nice to meet such a beautiful woman.”

“He’s definitely a charmer. That’s for sure. Hi, I’m Ethel Wheaten.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He took her hand and kissed it.

“Nick sit down. I’ll be back in a moment. I have to ring up a customer.” I walked into the main room of the store.

“So, Mrs. Wheaten why does Emma need to find herself a Latin man?” Nick asked curiously as he looked through a pile of stickers.

“They are more attentive to the woman they are with. Other men just care about themselves.”

“Okay.”

“Emma is a gem. You better always treat her like the princess she is or else you are going to deal with me.” She looked Nick in the eye.

“You have no reason to worry. Emma is a very special woman. I would never hurt her.”

“Words are just words. Let you actions speak. I’ve known Emma since she was a kid. Her heart has been broken many times. If you break her heart, you’re going to have a lot of people to deal with. Emma is loved by a lot of people. No one wants to see her hurt.”

“You’re a tough cookie, Mrs. Wheaten. I care about Emma a lot. I’m sure you’ve heard all about my relationship in the tabloids. She’s different. Emma has something that none of those other women did. I feel things for her that I’ve never felt with anyone else.” Nick poured his heart and soul out to this woman he knew for ten minutes.

“That’s good to hear. She's a good girl.”

“Mom do you have all your luggage?”  I asked.

“I just have this one bag. What time is Nick’s flight coming in?”

“His flight arrives at noon. We have about an hour before he gets here. Let’s go get some coffee.”

We wheeled our suitcases to Starbucks. I ordered a pumpkin spice latte. My mom and sat down at a table.

“So tell me about Nick?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”  My mom giggled.

“Well, I met him through Sasha. Which totally surprised me because I never thought I would even like the guy.”

“She’s unique that’s for sure.”

“He’s sweet, kind, funny, caring and handsome. Nick treats me special. He’s been nothing but a gentleman.”

“He sounds perfect. I’ve never seen you gush over a man before. What does he do for a living?”

This is where I knew my mom would be less than thrilled. She did not like celebrities or want anything to do with them. I was somewhat nervous telling her.

“He’s a singer.”

“Is he famous or trying to become a celebrity?” She gave me the mom look.

“Nick is already very famous. He’s a member of the Backstreet Boys.”

“Really Emma. I can’t believe you of all my children would date someone famous. I thought you had common sense.”

“Mom, I can’t help that I fell for him. He’s a sweet guy. Please get to the know him for who he is not what he does. We better get to his terminal to meet him.” I got up and headed toward the terminal.

I noticed my mom was a few feet back. I didn’t slow down.  I understood where my mom was coming from, but I cared too much about Nick.

When I reached the gate, Nick’s plane was just arriving. In about five minutes I was going to see him. I had missed him since he went back to Orlando.

People were starting coming through the gate. I didn’t see Nick in the crowd. I waited a few more minutes. By now everyone was off the plane. Where was he? I assumed everything was okay since he hadn’t called me.

“So where is your dream man?” My mom asked. She seemed a little annoyed with me at the moment.

“I don’t know. Maybe he gave me the wrong flight information. I’m going to call him.”

I grabbed my cell phone and moved away from my mother. I quickly dialed his number. It rang and rang, finally taking me to voicemail.

“Hey Nick. This is Emma. I hope everything is okay. I think you gave me the wrong flight information. Since you aren’t answering I will assume you are on a plane to Colorado. Call me when you get this.” I hung up the phone and went to join my mother.

--------------------------

He heard his phone ring. Nick attempted to answer it but couldn’t find it on the nightstand. Slowly he opened his eyes. He picked up his phone and looked at the time. Fuck, he thought I missed my flight.

Quickly he got up, threw on jeans and a t-shirt. He brushed his teeth and packed his suitcase. Twenty minutes later he was at the airport attempting to get another flight.

Once he got his new flight arrangements, Nick grabbed a cup of strong coffee. He couldn’t believe this was happening to him. Emma was going to be so pissed at him. He needed to call her.

“Emma. I’m so sorry.” He said when I answered the phone.

“Nick, what’s wrong? Where are you?” I moved away from my mother who giving me the look of disdain.

“I overslept and missed my flight. I got a flight out that leaves in twenty minutes.”

“That’s okay. Do you want me to wait for you at the airport?” I asked.

“Nah.  Give me the address and I’ll take a cab there. Go enjoy your family until I get there.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m positive. I love you baby. I can’t wait to see you. Sorry I messed things up. ”

“You didn’t sweetie. I love you and can’t wait to see you. Bye.” I click my phone off.

“So what happened? Was he off screwing another woman?” My mother questioned angrily.

“No. He’s not dad. Not every guy is an asshole that sleeps around. He overslept. Nick got another flight out and will meet us at the house. He didn’t want me sitting in the airport. He wants us to spend time with our family. Don’t judge him before you even know him.”

------------------------------

I walked into my brother’s house. It smelled like a gingerbread house.

“Hello, anyone home?”

My younger brother walked into the foyer. He pulled me into a bear hug.

“Emma, you look absolutely stunning.”

“You’re looking pretty good yourself. How are you?”

“I’m doing well. Nick will be here later. He missed his flight. Watch out for mom. She’s in a pissed off mood.”

“What did you do now?” He teased.

“What makes you think I did anything wrong, Gabe?” I feigned innocence.

“You always do something to piss her off.”

“She’s mad because Nick is famous. She’s mad because I’m dating a celebrity. She’s mad that he missed his flight. She thought he did it on purpose.”

“Oh this is going to be a fun holiday. Who’s this hot celebrity you’re dating?” My brother Steve walked into the foyer.

I sat on the stairs leading to the second floor.

“Nick Carter.”

“Thee fabuloso Nick Carter. The one who slept with Paris Hilton, Willa Ford, and countless other women.”

“That would be the one.” I said quietly.

“How did you snag such a delicious man?” Steve sat next to me.

“My friend set me up on a date with him.”

“Is he good in bed?”

“Don’t know. We’ve just been together for a month.”

“Dang. I was trying to live vicariously through you. Is he coming for Thanksgiving?”

“He will be here in a few hours. Why do you need to live vicariously through me?”

“Tony and I broke up. At least you have someone.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It sucks. At least my Emy-Woo is happy.”

It was nice to be with my family. It was going to be a long weekend.

Nick arrived even later than expected. He looked like shit. His hair was all mused up. His clothes were all wrinkled like he slept in them and he reeked of alcohol. I was not impressed, nor did I want to introduce him to my family.

“Sorry. My flight was delayed and the cab driver got lost.” He attempted to give me a kiss on the lips, but I moved away. Nick looked at me.

Gabe walked in the foyer where I was standing with my boyfriend.

“Hi, you must Nick. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Gabe stretched his hand out towards Nick. They shook hands.

“You’re Gabe. Emma has told me a lot about you. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He said sincerely.

“Which room is Nick staying in?”

“I have him staying with you.” Gabe smiled at his sister.

“Fine. Let’s go Nick.” I was annoyed.

Nick picked up his bag and followed me up the stairs. Once we got to the room, Nick closed the door.

“I missed you, Emmers.” He pulled me close to him. The stench of body odor and alcohol was enough to make me gag. I pushed him away.

“What is wrong with you? Coming here hung over is unacceptable.” I tried to remain calm.

“I’m not hung over.” He took a deep breath. I could tell he thought I was overreacting.

“Why did you miss the flight?”

“I went out last night with some friends. I got back late and forgot to set my alarm. I didn’t do it on purpose. I’m sorry.”  He raked his fingers through his messy hair.

“I looked like an idiot in front of my mother. She hates celebrities. Right now she doesn’t think much of you. I wanted her to see not every star is a prima donna.”

“I’m sorry. I wanted to make a good impression. Here, I go screwing up again.” He sighed. Nick looked downright gloomy. I could tell that he was sincere about his apology.

“Nick, come here.” I motioned him over to me. He slowly walked over. “I didn’t mean to be so harsh. My mom stresses me out. Her expectations of me and my life are over the top. She doesn’t see me for who I am. Nothing I do is ever right.”

“You can’t please everyone. The only person you can please is yourself. You’re mom is crazy not to realize how wonderful her daughter is.” Nick kissed my nose, then my left cheek, and my right cheek.

“You’re too sweet for your own good. You stink. Go get a shower and meet me downstairs.” I smiled as I left the room.

---------------------

“I see that your man has arrived. Where is he?” Victoria asked her daughter.

“He’s freshening up.” I answered politely. My mother was getting on my very last nerve with her attitude.

Nick walked into the room. He looked very handsome in his dark jeans and black fitted sweater. He had my heart racing.

“Nick, I would like for you to meet my mother, Victoria Warde.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you Ms. Warde.” He took her hand and placed a kiss on it.

“It’s nice to meet you Mr. Carter.” She said aloofly. I could tell she had no desire to meet him.

“Who’s this fine specimen of a man standing next to my sister?” Steve grinned at my boyfriend.

“Nick, this is my baby brother Stevie. He thinks you’re hot.” I whispered the last part in Nick’s ear.

“Nice to meet you Steve. I’ve heard a lot about you.”

Nick and Steve started to talk. My mother sat on the couch with a sour expression on her face. I decided to go converse with my mom.

“What do you think of Nick?” I asked quietly.

“He seems okay. I’ve only met him for a few minutes. I don’t know why you of all people would be dating a celebrity. They don’t go for ordinary girls. He's just going to use you.”

Her comment stung. Wasn’t I good enough for any man? Didn’t she realize that someone could love me for myself?

“Thanks for the vote of confidence. Why can’t he like someone like me? Not all men want Paris Hilton.”

“Dear, he’s already had Paris Hilton and many other women. You are just one more notch on Nick Carter’s belt. I don’t want to see you get hurt. Women, like you don’t end up with a man.” My mother told me bluntly. She was never one to hide what she was thinking.

“You are a cruel woman. No wonder I’ve never had a decent relationship with you. You’ve torn me down since I was a kid. I’m sorry dad was such a jackass to you, but you need to stop taking it out on me.” I rushed out of the room.

Nick followed me upstairs.

“What’s happened down there?” He asked with concern.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” I crawled onto the bed. I wished I had never come.

“You might feel better if you do.” Nick crawled up next to me. He wiped my tears away with his thumb.

“My mom hates me. She doesn’t think I’m good enough for you. Am I just another notch on your belt?” I asked, praying for the answer I wanted to hear.

“Emma, I care about you. In the past I dated a lot of women. Most of them I gave two shits about. I’ve changed. I’m not that guy anymore. I love you and I want a real relationship with you.”

Nick placed a gentle kiss on my lips. I could feel magic in this kiss. Sure, I sounded like a little girl, but I believed in fairytales. His tongue entered my mouth and explored every nook and cranny. My insides were stirring with desire. I wanted Nick. His hands moved under my sweater. He rubbed my stomach and moved his hands to my breasts.

“Mmmm…Nick.” I moaned. I had never felt this way. My body begged for more. I arched my back.

Nick pushed my sweater up and placed light kisses all over my stomach. My hands moved into his hair. Without notice Nick pulled my sweater off. He was placing hot kisses on my chest and his hand was grasping my right breast. His mouth moved to my left breast. He gently sucked on it through my bra. I lost my mind. All I could do was feel with my senses. Nick moved down my body. He hand went to my jeans. He started to unbutton them.

“Nick, we need to stop.” I sat up and in the process kneed him in the crotch. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok.” He winced.

“I want you, but not here. Not like this. I want it to be special. I don’t want to make love to you because my mom pissed me off.”

“I want it to be special, too.” He placed a kiss on my check and handed me my sweater.

At least he was understanding. I think Nick really did care about me.

At dinnertime I was still upset with my mother. She sat at the table with her lips pursed together and a scowl on her face. She didn’t like celebrities, but she sure acted like a snob. I decided to her ignore her and enjoy the company of everyone else.

“Do you remember the time that Emma made milk come out of her nose?” Haley, my little sister said through a fit of giggles.

“Shut up. I was like thirteen.”

“Sissy you have so many embarrassing stories. I’m sure Nicky would love to hear them.” Steve smiled at my boyfriend.

“I’m sure Nickolas has better things to do than listen to all the infantile things Emma has done in her life. We could be here for years before we’d ever finish. If you excuse me, I’m heading to bed.” She pushed her chair in and hastily left the room.

I felt my body go rigid as she commented on my failures and stupidity. I wasn’t perfect, but I wasn’t a screw-up.

“Ignore her. She’s not worth it.” Gabe attempted to comfort me.

None of them got it. She thought all of my siblings were wonderful and perfect. I was the one who she picked on.

“I know, but it gets old. She adores all of you. I don’t know why she dislikes me.”

I had enough and walked out of the house. I needed some fresh air.

Minutes or hours had passed. I didn’t notice until Nick brought my coat out.

“You must be cold. It’s freezing out here.” He held it open for me as I slipped my arms inside.

“Thanks. Sorry my family is so dysfunctional.” I leaned on the deck railing.

“You’re family is normal compared to mine. You don’t deserve to be treated that way. You are a beautiful, caring, intelligent, sexy woman. Your mother is a fool not to see that.” He whispered in my ear as he stood behind me.

“Nick, why doesn’t everyone see what you see?” I barely whispered.

“They are idiots. I’m completely smitten. You make me want to be a better man. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. You make my heart melt. I want to bury myself in your love. I’m safe with you.”

I turned around and brought his face to mine. I looked him in the eyes and rested my lips on his. After a brief moment, we started to kiss. I felt myself get lost as he enveloped me in his arms. That was the safest place for me to hide. I never wanted to move from this spot.

“Let’s go inside. I’m freezing.” He took my hand and pulled me into the house.

-------------------------

I padded into the kitchen. It was two thirty in the morning, but I was wide awake. I saw my sister sitting at the island studying.

“Don’t you ever take a break?”

“There’s no time. I have a test when I get back. Med school is crazy.” She put her highlighter down.

“Glad’s it you and not me.” I opened the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water.

“So how did you end up with a Backstreet Boy? I’m so jealous.”

“Sasha’s dating Kevin. They set us up on a date. Nick and I connected right away. He’s so different from what I thought.” I replied dreamily.

“I can see you’re besotted. You make a nice couple. He seems like a genuinely nice guy.”

“He is everything and more. I’m in love with him.” I took a sip of water.

“Does he know that you’re a virgin?”

“Yes and he’s okay with it. He’s willing to wait.”

“I’m impressed. With all the tabloids following his every move during the last few years, it’s amazing you would date a guy like him.”

“He’s made mistakes. He admits it openly. I know that we are so different, but somehow it works. He’s sweet and genuine.”

“And not to mention hot. Did you take a look at his booty? Mmm…mmm…good.”

We both laughed. I enjoyed spending time with my sister.

“I’ve gotten a good feel of the ass.”

“You’re such a vixen.” My sister teased.

“Baby are you in there?” Nick said sleepily outside the kitchen door.

“Yes, come in.”

Nick walked in half asleep. His hair was scattered everywhere. He looked like an adorable six year old.

“I’m missed you. It’s lonely in bed without you.” He pouted.

“I’m sorry. I got thirsty so I came down and got a drink. Go back upstairs. I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

He gave me a kiss on the cheek and went back upstairs.

“Aww…he needs you in his bed. You better get back up there.”

“It’s not what you think. As you know, we haven’t had sex yet. He just likes to cuddle. He’s like a little boy.” I smiled. I loved cuddling with him in bed.

“I think it’s sweet. It’s good to see you happy.”

“Thanks. That means a lot to me. I better get back upstairs before he misses me to much.”

I threw my bottle away and headed back upstairs.

I crawled into bed and Nick wrapped his arms around me. “I love you. Don’t leave me again. I miss you when you’re not in my arms.”

“I love you, too. I promise to stay wrapped in your arms.” I yawned and settled into his body.

“I heard you tell your sister that you like touching my ass.” I could tell he was smirking.

“You do have a great ass. At least you have something to squeeze.”

“There are other things I would love for you to squeeze.” He nipped my ear.

Thank goodness the lights were off, Nick had me blushing.

“All in time. All in time.”

He wiggled against me and I felt his erection. I was turned on, but not ready to take it to the next level. I knew down the road that I would move to that level with Nick. I was falling, and falling fast. I knew before long I would be ready to take our relationship to the next level. I was lucky to have a guy that would wait for me.

We all sat down for Thanksgiving dinner. I don’t know how thankful any of us were right now. It was a long day of being with my family.

My mother hardly talked to me and spent all her time fawning over my brothers and sister. It hurt, but I spent my day cuddling with Nick on the couch.

“Let us all give a prayer for thanks. We are so blessed to be spending another Thanksgiving as a family.” Gabe said wistfully.

“Isn’t sad that the only time we pray is at Thanksgiving.” I commented. That gave my mother a chance to roll her eyes at me.

“Let’s eat. I’m starved.” Steve started to carve the turkey.

All the side dishes were passed around. It looked and smelled scrumptious.

My mother looked over at my plate with disgust. It was brimming with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberries, green bean casserole, and corn.

“Are you sure you should be eating all that dear? You have a young man now. You’ve got to watch that figure. You’re no spring chicken. If you want him to marry you, I suggest you don’t eat like a heifer.”

“I like a woman with a healthy appetite.” Nick said with a smile. I squeezed his thigh in appreciation.

“A healthy appetite is one thing. You can’t have an average looking woman on your arms at the Grammy’s.”

“Emma is the most beautiful woman I know. I’m thankful that she wants to date a man like me.” Nick kissed me on the cheek. My mom put her nose in the air and started talking to my sister.

I rubbed Nick’s thigh moving closer to his crotch. Nick had a pleasant smile on his face. I hope no one noticed what was going on. I had never felt so frisky in my life. I continued to massage his thigh. I decided to give it a squeeze.

“Holy ff..uuuccckkk.” Nick stood up.

Oh shit, I must have grabbed his crotch while rubbing his thigh. My face turned a dark shade of crimson. I saw my younger brothers snicker.

“God Nick, I’m so sorry.” I managed to get out.

“Do you really need to do that at the dinner table? That is repulsive. Where are your manners?”

I looked at my mom and pushed my chair back. Within seconds I bolted out of the room.

“I think it was sexy. Who wouldn’t want to sex up their hot man at dinner?” Steve commented.

“Excuse me. I’ll be right back. I’m going to check on Emma.” Nick said as he excused himself.

He walked upstairs know he would find me in our room.

“Emma, I see the vixen coming out of you.” Nick gently kidded as he sat on the bed next to me.

“Oh my goodness. That wasn’t supposed to happen.” I hid my head under a pillow. Here I was a grown woman and had no clue when it came to anything sexual. Maybe I should have been a nun.

“It wasn’t that bad. Well, at least not for me.” He chuckled.

“At least someone got something out of it. My mom thinks I’m some horny perverted woman that can’t get laid and has to cop a feel at the dinner table. I’m mortified.”

Nick took the pillow off my face. He straddled my body. I could feel his erection against my body. His face was inches away from mine.

“I can make your inside stir with desire if you want me to. I can show you things you’ve never imagined. You have me so turned on now I’m going out of my fucking mind. I want you.” He started to unbutton my shirt. At this point I was so turned on; I was going to let him ravish my body.

Nick threw my shirt on the floor. He outlined my bra with kisses. Then he started sucking on my breast. I was seeing fireworks and all he did was touch my boobs. I guess it didn’t take much to turn me on. Slowly he undid my bra and threw it towards the door. He trailed kisses down my stomach and stopped at the top of my jeans.

Nick’s hand moved to my womanhood. I arched my back and heard myself whimper. Nick’s hands moved the button of my jeans. He quickly unsnapped and unzipped them. He started pulling them down.

“Nick, stop.” I whispered. He looked at me with disbelief.

“Emma, you can’t be fucking serious?” He walked over to the window.

“Nick, I’m sorry I’m just not ready.” I got off the bed and grabbed my jeans.

“You’re such a tease.” He gritted his teeth. I knew he was mad at me. I couldn’t blame him.

“Nick, I thought I was ready, but I’m not. I’m truly sorry.”

“When are you going to be ready? I don’t think I can take much more of your teasing.” Nick had his back toward me.

“I don’t know Nick. I want to make love to you. I do. I just freak out every time we come close.”

“It’s like you can’t trust me. I know I’ve been an asshole to every girl I’ve ever been with, but I’ve changed. You don’t seem to realize that.” He barked at me.

“I do trust you. This is about me. Do you think I want to be this way? I don’t. I wish I could have sex like any other red blooded American. You don’t get it.” I yelled at him as I put my shirt back on

“You’re right I don’t get it. What woman over the age of eighteen doesn’t have sex? It’s ridiculous.”

“Fine. I’m ridiculous. I’m sorry that I have issues. I’m sorry I’m not some slut who will fuck you anytime and anywhere you want. I’m not that girl.” I screamed at him. He turned around and gave me a pointed glare.

“I don’t want to be with that kind of girl. I’ve been with them and they’ve left me feeling empty inside. I don’t want that, but I don’t want to be with someone who can’t take it to the next level. I love you. I want to show you how much I love you. I want you to trust me.” Nick inched his way closer to me.

“I do trust you! Trust is about more than just sex. You. Don’t. Get. That. All you care about is getting laid. If you loved me so much you would accept me for who I am, faults and all.”

“I do love you faults and all.” He threw his hands up. Nick thought this fight was pointless but didn’t know how to stop it.

“I don’t believe it.”

“Fine. Don’t believe it. I’m going to get a cold shower.” He walked towards the bathroom and slammed the door.

A gentle knock pulled me out of my thoughts. Gabe was standing there with the phone.

“Sorry to interrupt your brawl with Nick, but you have an important phone call from Sasha.”

“Sorry.” I took the phone from him. “Hello, Sasha.”

“Emma, I’m so sorry I had to call you on Thanksgiving.” Sasha apologized.

“That’s ok. What’s up?” I asked. Sasha didn’t seem like her normal bubbly self.

“Umm…I don’t know how to tell you this.”

“Just tell me. I’m not in the mood for guessing games. Nick and I aren’t getting along.” I sighed and crawled up on the bed.

“It’s about the store. It caught on fire.” She said gravely.

“You’re joking. Stop it Sasha.” I didn’t know why she would play a practical joke on me.

“Emma, listen to me. The store caught on fire and burned completely down.”

“NO! You’re lying.” I screamed and jumped off the bed.

“I wouldn’t lie to you. I know this is going to be hard on you. That store meant everything to you. The insurance company is going to call you tomorrow. I gave them your cell. I’m so sorry.”

“Thank you for calling me. I can’t believe this. I’ll let you know what the insurance company says.” I hung up the phone.

I grabbed the first thing I saw; a glass candy dish and threw it at the wall. It shattered into a million pieces. My heart and soul was broken. I had nothing. Everything I worked for was gone in an instant.

Tears were falling from my eyes. I was sad and madder than hell. I grabbed the book on the nightstand and threw it.  Life was not fair.

Nick walked out of the bathroom and ran over to me. “What is wrong, Emma?”

“My store was destroyed by a fire. I have nothing.” I collapsed in his arms.

“Sweetheart, I’m so sorry. I know how much the store meant to you.”

Nick held me quietly in his arms. I was glad for the silence. I don’t think I could take any words of condolence. I just wanted it to be a dream. I knew it wasn’t. Nick made me feel safe. He knew me and didn’t try to tell me things would be okay. They wouldn’t and it bothered me when people told me it would.

“What am I going to do? My life is destroyed. I have nothing.” I whispered into his chest.

“I don’t know what you are going to do, but you have me. I’m here for you and whatever you need. This really sucks.”

I broke free from him and went to the window. I saw the snow coming down. It was like I was in a snow globe. The world was beautiful, and I had lost a part of mine.

“Did the insurance company contact you?” Nick walked over toward me.

“No. Sasha called me. They are supposed to call me tomorrow. I can’t believe this. It’s drained everything out of me.”

“Sweetheart, why don’t you go to bed? It’s been a rough and traumatic day. Everything will take care of itself in the morning.” Nick rubbed my shoulders.

“Will you hold me until I fall asleep?”

“Anything for you. I’m here for you no matter what. I love you, Emma.”

“Thanks. I love you, too.”

-----------------------------------------

I walked into the living room where Nick was sitting with my mother. Neither of them was talking to one another.

“What did the insurance company say?” Nick asked as I sat next to him.

“They said everything was lost. The building burned down to the ground. Apparently it was an electrical fire.”

“That sucks.”

“I told you not to open a store in an old building.  I wish you would have listened to me.” My mother said. She always had to be the one that told you so. It was such juvenile behavior from a grown woman.

“At that point in time that was all I could afford. You almost seem glad that it happened.”

“How dare you say such a thing? Really, Emma is that how you talk to me?”

“Mother, you’ve never been supportive of my or anything I have done. I’m sorry I have been such a letdown to you. This is just one more failure you can add to my list. Emma Warde is a screw-up.”

“Emma that is not true, but your track record hasn’t been very good. I wish you could be more like your siblings. They have it together. That’s all I wish for you.” Victoria Warde said flippantly.

“Mom I had all that and you still treat me as if I was a second class citizen. I had my own business, my own apartment, friends, and a boyfriend. What more did you want from me?”

“Emma, I don’t want to get into this in front of Nick. You’re emotional right now. This really isn’t the time or place.” She squirmed in her seat.

“Fine. I’m through with you. You no longer have two daughters. I don’t need you in my life.” I ran out of the living room and went upstairs.

“Mrs. Warde, you just lost out on the greatest daughter. How dare you treat her that way! Emma is the best thing that ever happened to me. You will regret losing out on a relationship with your daughter. I hope you rot in hell.”

Nick took two steps at a time.

“What are you doing?”

I had my suitcase on the bed and was quickly throwing my clothes inside it. “I’m packing. I can’t stay in this house with her. I never want to see that bitch again.”

“Where are you going to go?” Nick started folding my clothes.

“Back to L.A. Where else do I have to go for now?”

“You could come to Florida with me?” Nick took my hands and made me face him.

“Are you serious?”

“I’ve never been more serious in my life. I hate having you on the other side of the country. This would be the perfect opportunity to start over.”

I let go of his hand and grabbed his face. I pulled his lips to mine. I kissed Nick like I had never kissed him before.

Nick is where I wanted to be. He was my safety, my joy, my everything. He let me be me, and he loved it. No one appreciated me like Nick did. Maybe it was time to get away from my mother.

“Nick, I’ll move in with you.” He smiled, picked me up and twirled me around. “Let me down.”

“I’m so happy Emmers. I can’t wait for you to see my house in Tampa. You’re going to love it.”

“Nick thank you for loving me for me. You make me feel so special.”

“Emma you are so special and you don’t even realize it. I’m sorry your mother has brainwashed you all these years. Starting right now things are going to be different.”

I knew Nick meant every word. Things were going to be different. I was going to start a new life.

Time seemed to pass faster than I thought it would. Since Thanksgiving, I had been extremely busy. I had to deal with the insurance company about the fire. Then I packed up my apartment and moved to Florida. I spent at least two weeks unpacking and figuring out Nick’s house.

Christmas had come and gone. Nick and I spent our holiday quietly. It was nice and peaceful. We lounged around the house, opened gifts and ate homemade cookies.

It was New Year’s Eve. Nick and I were attending a party at Tabu. It was a nightclub owned by Nick’s friend Howie.

I walked into the living room wearing a short black skirt thigh length skirt and a red tank top with a black shrug. I was almost Nick’s height in my three inch red pumps.

“Mmm! You look absolutely hot.” Nick walked over and kissed me.

“Why thank you, Nickolas. You look rather dashing yourself.” He was wearing black dress pants and a black button down shirt. Being in all black made him look mysterious. It was a good look on him.

“Are you sure you want to go? I could just ravish your sexy body instead.”

“Nick what would your friends think? You don’t want to disappoint them.” I smiled

“They would say I was one lucky bastard to make love to a gorgeous woman like you.” He flashed me a sexy grin as he pulled me closer to him.

“Nick, we’re going to be late.” I changed the subject. I still wasn’t ready to make love to Nick. I was getting closer to the moment, but I still needed time.

“Fine. Let’s go.” He sighed in frustration.

“Nick let’s not get into this tonight. I want to enjoy myself.”

“For tonight, but we need to talk about this tomorrow.” Nick grabbed his keys and walked out. I grabbed my purse and followed behind him.

---------------

By the time we reached the club, Nick was in better spirits. The drive to Orlando was quiet. Both of us lost in our thoughts.

We entered the club; it was jammed packed with people. I looked around at my surroundings. I had never been to a club before.

Nick grasped my hand and slowly pulled me through the crowd. He took me upstairs to the VIP lounge. I saw AJ and Kevin sitting on a couch. I wondered if Sasha was here.

“Nick, how’s it going?” AJ asked. “Hi Emma.”

I waved at AJ and Kevin. Nick started talking to his friends. I always felt like an outsider when I was around Nick’s friends. I got the feeling they didn’t like me. I was looking forward to meeting Brian and Howie. Hopefully they were a little friendlier.

Brian and a beautiful blonde walked into the room. I assumed she was Brian’s wife.

“Hi, I’m Brian and this is my wonderful wife, Leighanne. Nick has talked non-stop about you. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you.” Brian introduced himself. He seemed nice and friendly.

“It’s nice to meet you both.” I smiled shyly.

Nick walked over and put his arm around me.

“How do you like Florida?” Leighanne appeared friendly.

“It’s beautiful. I feel more relaxed than I did in California.”

“That’s awesome. We’ll have to get together for a girl’s day. I’ll fill you in on all the secrets of dating a Backstreet Boy.” Leighanne seemed very nice.

“I would enjoy that. I don’t know anyone except Nick.”

“Great, I’ll call you this week.”

I noticed a handsome Latino man walk into the room. He had a confident yet humble air about him. I assumed he was the fifth and final member of the Backstreet Boys.

“Hi Howard. Come here I want you to meet someone.” Nick waved him over.

“Hello Nick.”

“I would like you to meet my girlfriend, Emma. Emmers this is Howie.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Howie took my hand in his. I felt something when he touched me.  It was like a small surge of electric running through my fingertips. I decided to ignore it.

“It’s nice meeting you Howie.” He smiled at me with his chocolate brown eyes. There was a spark of excitement and warmth in them when we looked at each other. Howie was definitely handsome. Hell, he was hot, hot, hot. I know it was bad for me to think another guy was hot when I had a boyfriend, but I couldn’t help it. I loved Nick, so it really didn’t matter what I thought of Howie.

“Let’s go dance baby.”

Nick and I walked down to the dance floor. He pulled me close to his body. There was barely an inch between us. We swayed slowly to the music.

“Are you having fun tonight?” Nick whispered in my ear. I could feel his breath on me.

“Yes. Howie and Brian seem nicer than the other two.”

“They are. AJ and Kevin are testing you.”

“Really now.” I place my head on his shoulder.

“They do that with all my girlfriends. I’ve dated some winners in the past. They don’t trust my choices in women.”

“They’re going to have to realize I’m not like those other women. I’m not going to hurt you.”

Nick placed a kiss on the top of my head. He was always showing me affection. I loved that he constantly had to touch me.

“Hey can I cut in?” Kevin stood beside us.

“Of course.” Nick stepped away, but came back and whispered in my ear. “Don’t take his shit. Stand strong and hold you’re ground. Show him who you are.”

“Emma, how’s your night?” Kevin pulled me near him. I realized that Kevin was testing me with this impromptu dance.

“It’s wonderful. It’s nice to meet Nick’s friends.”

“Are you enjoying Florida?” We spun around as he interrogated me.

“It’s lovely. I’ve never felt so peaceful. I’m glad Nick asked me to move here.” I answered honestly.

“What do you plan on doing now that you’re in Florida?”

“I’m not sure yet. I don’t think I could open another scrapbook store. It would be hard for me. Maybe I’ll go back to school. I’m not really sure.” He looked at me with disapproval.

“Surely you don’t plan to live off of Nick. He’s a generous guy, and I won’t stand around watching him get used again.” He stated pointedly. Did he really think I was going to use Nick for his money. I wasn’t that type of woman. Suddenly, I was feeling a little pissed off. What kind of money grubbing whores did Nick date in the past? I understand Kevin’s concern, but Nick was a grown man. He wasn’t in his twenties anymore. I think Kevin needed to worry about his own life.

“First off, I would never use Nick like that. I’m not that type of woman. Second, I have my own money. I wouldn’t dream of using his. Nick’s an adult and can take care of himself. I’m sorry he dated a bunch of women that used him. I’m not that type of woman. Let Nick make his own choices. You should be one to talk. You cheat on your wife and act like you are holier than thou.”

Kevin held on to me, but stopped dancing. He was clearly annoyed with me. I didn’t care. I had enough of Kevin Richardson. I had no reason why he was dead set against our relationship. This was more than being a concerned friend.

“My life is none of your concern.”

“And my life is none of yours.” I broke free of his grasp and went to find Nick.

Nick was sitting with his friends. I forced myself to calm down. I didn’t want Nick to see me flustered.

“Hey Emmers. You done dancing with Kevin?” Nick patted his lap, so I would sit down.

“More than done.”

“Was it that bad?” He whispered in my ear.

“Yeah. He thinks I’m a money grubbing whore that’s using you.” I quietly told him. I didn’t want anyone else to hear.

“Ignore him baby. He’s just being a dick.” Nick planted at kiss on my cheek. That made me feel somewhat better.

Nick and I turned back to the conversation. Leighanne was talking about something her son did the other day.

“So Emma how do you like Florida?” Howie asked.

“I love it.  It’s nice having the beach in your backyard. Things are a little slower here than in L.A.  I think that’s what I love the most.” I relaxed into Nick’s chest as I talked with Howie.

“The beaches are wonderful. Nick told me you owned your own business.”

“I owned a scrapbook store. I loved it. It was a huge loss when it caught on fire.”

“I can only imagine. If I lost the club, I would be devastated. Do you have any other plans in the future?” Howie inquired. He was the first one besides Nick to show any interest in me as a person.

“I’m not sure right now. Things have moved so fast since the fire. I am going to take a few weeks to relax. Then I might go back to school or find a job.”

Howie and I continued to chat. He was easy to talk to. I felt I could totally be myself with him. It wasn’t like talking to AJ or Kevin. About ten minutes later Howie excused himself to go back to his office.

“You sure were chatty with Howard.” Nick commented.

“He’s the first one of your friends to actually treat me like a human. At least you have one good friend.”

“They’re all nice. Just give them a chance.” He sighed. I think I pissed him off with my comment, but so far it was true.

“I’m going to head to the bar for a drink. Do you want something?”

“Yeah, get me a coke.”

I got off his lap and went to the bar. Kevin was sitting at the bar with his arms wrapped around a blonde haired woman.

“Hey Kevin.” I said with a smile. I wondered who the bimbo he was with.

“Hey.” He nodded his head at me. Clearly he didn’t want to talk to me.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend?” I asked casually. He was getting more pissed by the minute.

“Emma, I would like you to meet Candice. Candice this is Nick’s girlfriend, Emma.”

“It’s nice to meet you Candice.” Then I looked at Kevin. “How’s Sasha doing? I’m sure she misses you in her bed when you’re in Orlando.”

Candice removed Kevin’s arms from her waist.

“Who is Sasha?” She gave Kevin the evil eye.

“Just a girl I used to date.”

“Gee that’s so funny. I talked to Sasha two days ago and all she could talk about what how hot you were in bed. She kept telling me that you asked her to be exclusive.”

“You son of a bitch. How dare you cheat on me with another woman! We’re through.” Candice smacked him on the face and walked away.

“YOU ARE SUCH A BITCH!!!” He screeched at me.

I admit I was being a bitch. Richardson had it coming. You mess with fire than you are going to get burned.

“I may be a bitch, but you are a womanizing man whore. You cheat on your wife and have a woman in every city. You’re worried about me.” I laughed in his face. “You are lower than dirt. If you ever try to but into my relationship again, you’re going to see what I mega bitch I can be.”

I walked away feel ten times better.

When I got back to the VIP lounge, Nick was no where to be seen.

“Leighanne have you seen Nick?”

“I think he went to downstairs looking for you.”

“Oh. Thanks Leighanne.” I turned around and went back downstairs.

I looked around the club, but couldn’t find him anywhere. I continued to peruse the dance floor.  He wasn’t there. I turned towards the bar. He was having a heated discussion with Kevin. I quickly walked over.

“Your girlfriend is such a bitch. All the others ones might have been whores, but Emma is a piece of work. I can’t believe you of all people would date that.”

“Go to hell.  You’re just pissed because she bruised your ego. You cheated on her best friend. How did you think she was going to react.”

“Yeah, Sasha is some best friend.  She thinks is hilarious that your girlfriend won’t fuck you. I mean how many women are virgins at thirty-two. I think that there’s something wrong with her.”

“Fuck you Kevin Scott Richardson. My personal life has nothing to do with you. Why can’t you leave me alone?” I screamed.

“I’m not the one with the problem. Maybe you need to see a psychiatrist.” He yelled back.

“What is going on here? If you are going to fight in my club then get out.” Howie replied calmly.

I didn’t even know he had walked over to us. I was embarrassed about causing a scene. I was pissed at Kevin for letting the whole world know I was a virgin.

“You don’t have to worry, Howie. I’m out. I’ll see you in the studio.” Kevin walked away.

“Nick, I’m sorry.” Tears started to fall from my eyes.

“Baby it’s not your fault. Kevin’s being an ass.” Nick wrapped his arms around me.

“I know, but it’s my fault. I kind of said some things in front of his slut, bimbo, or whatever the hell she is.”

“That doesn’t give him the right to treat you that way. Let’s go home.”

“Okay.”

“Tomorrow we’re going to have a nice long chat.”

“About your prude of a girlfriend.” I commented.

“You’re not a prude, but baby I just have to wonder about the sex issue.” He said seriously as we walked to the car.

“Fine Nick.” I really didn’t want to have this conversation with him. Guys never understood. I prayed that Nick would be different.

It was noon, Nick was still sleeping. I hoped that he would sleep all day, so I wouldn’t have to have that conversation with him. I sat on the couch worrying myself stupid about talking with Nick

I loved Nick a lot. More than I have loved any guy in my life. I don’t know why I didn’t want to sleep with him. I was ready to take our relationship to a higher level of intimacy, but I just wasn’t able to have sex. Maybe Kevin was right, I needed help.

“Afternoon Emmers.” Nick entered the living room.

“I didn’t know you were up.”

“I’ve been up for about forty five minutes. Got a shower and came down here.”

“Oh.” I commented. I shifted nervously on the couch.

“Are you okay? You seem antsy.”

“I’m fine.” I looked out the window. There was no way I could look in his deep blue eyes. He would know exactly what was going on in my head.

“Are you sure? Let’s go sit on the beach. I think it’s time we talk.”

---------------------------

I stared at the waves moving in the ocean. Neither Nick nor I had said a word in twenty minutes. How does one start this type of question? I was naive when it came sex and relationships.

“So...umm.”

“Why is this so awkward for you?” Nick placed my hand in his.

“I don’t know. I’ve never had a relationship. This is all new to me.”

“I think you’ve done wonderful so far in the relationship department. You are everything I want and more. I want to make sweet love to you and show you another way that I love you.”

“I know that Nick. I want that, too. Believe me. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I answered lamely.

“Emma has anyone ever asked you to have sex with them?”

“Yes.”

“What made you say no to them?” He questioned. I turned to look at him.

“Well in high school, I just wasn’t ready. As I got older, I didn’t want to sleep with someone just because he took me to a fancy restaurant. I don’t believe in casual sex. I never pictured me sleeping with someone just so I could have sex.”

“I understand that. Casual sex isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. Believe most one night stands leave you feeling totally empty in the morning.”

It was interesting to see how opposite Nick and I truly were. He had the experience of about twenty guys. I had no experience.

“How do you feel when we kiss?” He asked me with a smile.

“I feel wonderful and special. I feel loved and adored.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Does it turn you on?”

“Yes, more than you ever know.” I giggled. I felt like a school girl.

“Do you want to make love to me?”

“Yes, I do. I love you Nick. I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“So, you want to, but you can’t.” He tried to make sense of the conversation.

“I think that sums it up. I want to make love to you, but we get close to the moment I freeze up.”

“Does it scare you?” He didn’t like being the psychologist of the relationship. He just wanted to make love to his girlfriend.

“What the act of making love or the emotional connection?”

“Either or both. I don’t know. You tell me.” He was starting to get frustrated with me. I could see the scowl starting to appear.

I thought about my answer. I wasn’t really sure, and I knew Nick wanted an answer.

“Nick, I don’t really know. I know that I like the way it feels when you touch me. So, I guess it’s not the physical act. I love you and trust you, so I don’t really know if it’s emotional. I don’t think I really know for sure.”

“You’re not making any sense. I don’t think you’re being honest with me.”

“Why would I lie to you?”

“I don’t know.” He raised his voice slightly. “I’ve never had a girl turn me down as much as you do. Even when I’ve had to wait it’s never been this long.”

“I’m sorry I’m not like all the tramps you’ve slept with. I can’t change who I am to please you.”

“I’m not asking you to change. I just want to share an intimate moment with you.”

“There are other ways to be intimate.” I placed my head between my knees.

“Name me three other ways.”

I thought about it for a few minutes. Nothing came to mind.

“Fine, Nick. I can’t come up with any. We’ve done everything except have sex. I’m sorry that I’m not ready. I can’t force myself to just do it.”

“Whatever. You make me so horny; I can’t take it some days.” He took my hand and placed it on his hard on.

“Well then you better take a cold shower.” I quickly removed my hand.

“You’re acting like a bitch. I can’t believe this. I just wanted to show you what you do to me.”

“I know what I do to you. I know what you do to me. I’m sorry that I can’t give you the one thing you want.” I bellowed.

“Are we ever going to make love?”

“Yes Nick. I’m so close. I really am. I know you don’t believe it. Everyday brings me closer, but when you harp on it, I shut down. I need time. If you love me, you’ll give me time.”

“How can you act like I don’t love you? I love you more than I have loved anyone else in my life.”

“Then give me the time that I need without the pressure.”

“Fine. I’m going to take a walk.” He got up and left me sitting on the blanket alone.

I knew that he was frustrated with me. I didn’t blame him. I wasn’t able to give him the answer he wanted to hear. I was being honest with him. I didn’t know what my problem was. I knew I needed to figure it out and quick. Having Nick mad at me sucked. I needed to do some soul searching.

.

While Nick went for his long walk on the beach, I went back to the house. I won’t lie and say that I wasn’t frustrated. I was more discouraged now then I was before our little talk.

I started cleaning up the house. Whenever I was worried I cleaned. This was going to be the cleanest house in Tampa. After about twenty minutes the living room was cleaner than it had been since I moved in. I was heading to the kitchen when the door bell rang.

I slowly walked to the door. I really didn’t feel like being around other people. When I opened the door I was Howie standing there.

“Hello Emma.  How are you? Is Nick around?”

“Hey Howie. I’m fine. Nick is out taking a walk. He should be back soon. Do you want to come in?”

“Sure.” He stepped inside and followed me to the kitchen. He took a seat at the island in the middle of the room.

“Would you like something to drink?” I asked politely. I just wanted Nick to get back and entertain his friend. I just wanted to be alone.

“No thank you.”

I started to scrub the island with a sponge. The harder I pressed the better I felt. The marble counter top was spotless and shiny.

I couldn’t believe Nick. Why couldn’t he get over the fact that I wasn’t ready? He made me feel like it was my fault. I know that he was used to getting laid anytime he wanted, but I wasn’t that type of woman. I would know when I was ready. He just needed to give me a little more time.

“You’re going to wear a hole in that sponge.” Howie pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah, I kind of get into my work.” I said dully.

“Is something bothering you?” Howie ask with kindness.

I didn’t know how to answer that question. I barely knew Howie, and he was Nick’s friends. I didn’t think it was appropriate to be sharing my relationship problems with him. He may go and tell Nick.

“Yes, but I don’t feel like talking about it.” I continued scrubbing the counter top.

“I understand. Sometimes it’s easier to just to figure things out on your own. If you feel like talking, my ears are open.” There was that kindness again. He made me want to spill out my problems, but I couldn’t do that to Nick.

“Thanks for the offer. I may take you up on that offer sometime.” I smiled up at him. “I want to apologize for last night. It was my fault that Kevin was upset.”

“Emma, there’s no need to apologize. Kevin deserved everything you threw at him. He’s changed recently and not for the better. I wish you could see the real Kevin.”

“Me, too. I’ve only seen him this way. It’s a shame how he treats women, but they seem to flock at him.”

“Women seem to go for the bad boy.” Howie said wryly. He was currently single. He hadn’t dated in the last six months.

“Not all women. I’m lucky I found Nick. He’s so sweet and genuine.” I loved him a lot even though we were going through a rough period right now.

“That he is. Nick has changed a lot in the past year. I’m glad he found someone like you.”

I glanced at Howie. His brown eyes bore into my eyes. I experienced a sensation I had never felt before in my life. I didn’t know what it was, but it freaked me out.

“Howie.” Nick said as he walked into the kitchen. He barely looked at me.

“Hello Nick. I was just coming by to discuss an idea I had for a song.”

“Cool. Let’s go down to the studio.”

----------------------------------

Nick and Howie were sitting in the studio working on Howie’s new song. Nick was still in a pissed off mood. He couldn’t understand Emma.

“Nick what do you think of those lyrics?” Nick looked up with a blank stare.

“Hmm…what? He paused. “I didn’t hear you.”

“Is everything okay with you and Emma? Both of you seemed distracted.”

Nick fiddled with the pen in his hand. He knew his friend would laugh at his predicament. Who would have thought Nick would have a girlfriend that didn’t want to sleep with him.

“We’re having umm a little relationship issue.”

“You wanna talk about it?” Howie asked. He sat back in his chair getting comfortable. Once Nick got going, he would never stop.

“Yeah, I guess. What’s the longest you’ve had to wait to sleep with a girlfriend?”

“Two months.”

“Really. You’ve never had to wait longer?”

“In high school.”

“High school doesn’t count.” Nick sighed and leaned back in his chair.

“Have you and Emma had sex yet?”

“No. I mean we’ve been dating since September, but she’s not ready.”

“I’m sorry, man. I know it’s hard. Have you talked to her about it?”

“Yes, we talked about it today. She says she’s not ready yet. Emma says she’s close, but I need to stop pressuring her.”

“Are you pressuring her?” Howie knew how Nick could be.  At one time Nick was a womanizer with a different woman in his bed each night.  He was different from his friend.

“No, unless telling your girlfriend how much you love her and you can’t wait to make love to her is pressuring her. There’s more to it.” Nick started playing with the buttons on the sound board.

“You’re just not used to a girl saying no.” Howie teased. He thought they made a good couple. Emma helped Nick stayed grounded.

“Plenty have said no, thank you very much.” Nick threw a wadded up piece of paper at his friend. “Do you think it’s weird for a thirty two year old woman to be a virgin?”

Howie thought about it for a moment. He wanted to make sure he answered this question in a way that Nick understood.

“It depends on the woman. Some women have religious and personal beliefs that make them wait to marriage. Others just don’t want to have sex. I think it depends on the situation. Is Emma a virgin?” Nick nodded his head. “Did she give you a reason why?”

“Yes. Basically she’s waiting for the right guy.”

“I would give her time. She seems like a great woman. I can tell she really loves you. I think she’s a keeper.” Howie meant it. Nick had found a great woman. If only he could find someone like her?

“Yeah, you’re right. I feel like a jackass. I’m going to show her how much I love her.”

Nick was feeling better after his conversation with Howie. Everything was going to be fine.

When I walked into the house, I noticed that it was very quiet. I wondered if Nick went out, but all of his cars were in the garage. I walked into the living and saw Nick sitting on the floor with a picnic dinner.

“What’s all this babe?” I parked myself on the floor next to him.

“I wanted to do something special for you. You’ve been busy the past couple days. I thought we could spend a romantic evening together.”

“You are so sweet. I love you.” I placed a gentle kiss on his lips.

“I love you. How was your day?” He gave me a plate.

“It was okay. I didn’t have a lot of luck finding a job. I think I might need to go to Orlando.”

“That’s a long commute. Do you really want to do that everyday?”

“I don’t have a choice. I need to start working again.” I put some food on my plate. “I’m going to keep looking in Tampa.”

“Em, you know you don’t have to work.” I gave him a look. He knew how I felt about not working. “You can enjoy some more time doing the things you’ve wanted to do on your bucket list.”

“But then people will say that I’m living off you.” I popped a cherry tomato in my mouth.

“Who cares? We both know that isn’t true.” He took me hand in his.

“I know. Half your friends don’t like me now. I don’t want the others to hate me.”

“Howie and Brian love you. They’ve both said wonderful things about you. Leighanne wants to go to the spa later this week. She’s going to call and invite you.”

“It would be nice to have some girly time.”

“I think that would be good for you. You need some new female friends.”

“I agree. I haven’t talked to Sasha lately. I don’t know anyone else around here.”

“I was thinking that after your spa day. We can spend a romantic evening in Orlando. We’ll stay at a hotel and make a weekend of it.”

“That would be nice.” I moved my plate and scooted closer to Nick.

“Well hello there.” He licked his lips and smiled.

“Hi Nicky.”

I wanted him. The desire I felt for him had never been stronger. I was ready to make love to Nick.

He leaned over and placed his lips on my neck. His stubble was gently scratching my neck. It gave me chills down my spine. My senses were heightened and I felt giddy inside. Did he notice the change in me?

I quickly straddled his lap never breaking contact with him. He planted light kisses up neck and sucked on my ear. All I could do was moan. Words had escaped my mind.

“You like that baby?” He continued to suck as I nodded my head.

I grabbed Nick’s face so that our lips were almost touching. I licked my lips slowly and kissed him. All time stopped. Nick’s tongue gained access to my mouth. My hands moved to his t-shirt. I tugged on the bottom and started to pull it up. I wanted it off. I wanted to feel his abs against my body.

“You’re a tiger.” He looked me in the eye. “I like it.”

“I’m glad you like it, Mr. Carter.” I teased.

“Emma, this is a new side of you.” He kissed my temple.

“I want you.” I pulled his shirt off. I couldn’t stop staring at his body. He was absolutely gorgeous.

“What?” He smirked.

“I…Want…You.” I pointed to him.

“How do you want me?” His eyes sparkled with mischief.

“I want you to make sweet passionate love to me all night long.” I grinded against his lap.

“Let’s take this in the bedroom.” He growled lowly.

I got off Nick’s lap. He quickly got up and pulled me toward the staircase. I’ve never seen him move so fast. He quickly opened the door to our bedroom. Then he dragged me in. I quickly shut the door. The next thing I know Nick had me against the wall, his body pressed against mine. We were lip to lip. His hands were underneath my blouse.

“Mmm, Nick.”

He started unbuttoning my blouse. He warm hands felt good on my cool body. Within minutes our clothes were scattered on the floor. Nick picked me up, and I wrapped my legs around him. He carried me to the bed and put me down.

“You are so beautiful.” Nick stared down at me. “I think you should stay naked all the time.”

“I don’t think people would like me to answer that door that way.” I chuckled.

“I wouldn’t want my friends to see you this way. You’re all mine, and I’m not sharing.”

I was sprawled out on the bed waiting for Nick. He quickly straddled my body. He ran his hands all over my body. My body started tingling as Nick’s mouth moved to my breasts. His hands moved to my womanhood.  I started to tremble.

“Are you okay Emma?” Nick asked with such tenderness.

“Yes. It’s all so new, but I like how you’re making me feel.”

“I love you Emma Warde. You mean so much to me.”

Nick bent over towards the nightstand. He grabbed a condom. Slowly he unwrapped it.

“Are you sure, Emma?”

“Yes, Nick. I love you so much.”

I laid there waiting for the most important moment in my life.  I was nervous and excited at the same time. I knew Nick was the right man for me.

Nick slowly put on the condom. He moved on top of me. Nick looked me in the eyes with such love. Slowly he got ready to enter me.

“I can’t.” I called out.

“You’re kidding, right?” Nick stopped and looked at me. His eyes were partly amused, partly unsure, and somewhat angry.

I didn’t want this to happen. I was ready. I wanted to make love to my boyfriend.

“No Nick. I just can’t do it.” I barely got the words out of my mouth.

“Are you fucking serious?” He got off of me and sat on the edge of the bed.

“I’m…sorry…” I started to cry.

“Save it. You’re a fuckin’ cock tease.” Nick interrupted me rudely. “Stop your crying.”

He had every right to be pissed at me. I didn’t blame him. I was a horrible girlfriend. I couldn’t even make love to him.

Nick got up and started looking for his boxers. As soon as he found them, he put them on.

“You have to believe me. I do want to be with you.” I found his t-shirt and put it on.

“Bullshit. It’s all fucking bullshit. How in the hell do you think I’m suppose to believe you?” He yelled. I flinched. I had never seen this side of Nick.

“Why would I lie?” I whimpered.

“How the hell do I know? I don’t think I can much more of this. You can’t just get me hard and stop. That was cruel. I’ve never met someone so frigid in my life. You may as well be a fucking nun.” He ran his hands through his hair angrily.

“How dare you speak to me like that?  I don’t deserve to be treated like that. I thought you were different than other men, but I guess I was wrong.” I was so mad I threw a pillow at him. It hit him square in the face.

“Whatever, I’m done with you for the night. I’ll be in the living room. I can’t look at you right now. Just leave me the fuck alone.” He threw the pillow on the bed and walked out.

I fell back onto the bed. I curled up and sobbed. My heart was breaking. I never saw Nick’s temper until tonight. I was scared of him.

I was afraid that I had ruined our relationship. It all came down to this one issue. I knew it was my fault. I was the only woman in the world, no wait universe that wouldn’t fuck Nick Carter. I started getting pissed. Did Nick think he was that great that no woman could resist him? Who the hell was I kidding? He was everything I wanted and more.

I was the one with the issue not him. Hell he could fuck anybody, and I couldn’t make love to the man I loved. Maybe I need to see a psychiatrist. This problem seemed to get worse as the days went on. I wanted Nick tonight, but when the moment happened, I couldn’t

-----------------------------

Nick walked into rehearsal late. Howie was talking to Kevin about some song. Brian was tweeting on his laptop. AJ was sleeping on the couch.

He was still pissed about last night. He left the house without say two words to Emma.

“Well look who finally decided to show up.” Brian joked. Nick gave him the middle finger and sat down.

“You ready to get started?” Kevin asked the group. He was the producer for this album.

The guys got up and went into the recording booth. Nick sat on the couch, glaring at the ceiling.

“What’s up his effin’ ass?” AJ chuckled.

“I don’t know, but he looks rather ticked.” Howie put his head phones on.

Brian went back out to get Nick.

“Is everything okay?”

“No. I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Fine. Are you ready to record?” Brian said pointedly. He was not in the mood for a pissed off Nick.

“Not really, but I don’t have a choice.” Nick got up and brushed past Brian.

“Trouble in paradise Nicky?”

“Fuck off.” He flicked AJ the middle finger.

The boys started working on the song. After a few minutes, Kevin shut off the music.

“What the hell Nick? This is supposed to be a love song.”

“And your point is?” Nick answered back. He didn’t want to sing anything romantic.

“Well, you’re making it sound angry. Aren’t you the one that is in love with the woman of your dreams? Make me believe it.” Kevin attempted to give him a pep talk.

“Umm..sure Kev. Anything you say.” He said in a sugary sweet tone.

“He must not be getting any.” AJ whispered to the other guys.

Nick shot daggers at AJ. He left the room, slamming the door behind him.

“You shouldn’t have said that to him.” Howie remarked, rolling his eyes at his best friend.

“You mean they haven’t had sex yet?”

“No.”

“That’s got to be hard for him. It’s bad enough she’s a virgin.” AJ laughed.

“Well, it won’t last if she won’t fuck him. You know how Nick is. I’m amazed they’ve last this long.” Kevin added his two cents.

“Emma is a great woman. Just because she’s not some oversexed whore, you guys like to date, doesn’t mean she isn’t good for Nick.”

“I agree with you Howie. Maybe Nick’s finally matured. I think Emma is good for him. I just hope he doesn’t screw it up.” Brian loved sex as much as the next guy, but he knew there was more to a relationship.

--------------------------

I woke up and Nick had already left for rehearsal. I was actually glad that he wasn’t home. I don’t think I could look him in the eye after last night.

The phone rang. I quickly picked it up.

“Hello, Emma speaking.”

“Just who I wanted to talk to. This is Leighanne.”

“Hi. How are you?” I attempted to sound chipper.

“Great. I was wondering if you would like to have a girly day with me on Friday.”

“That sounds great.” I said dully.

“Really? You don’t sound that enthused.”

“I am. Nick and I are having an issue.” I started to clean up the living room from the night before.

Nick had decided to take his anger out on the living room. Remnants of the picnic were all over the floor. I picked up the pieces of a broken plate. I couldn’t believe what a temper he had.

“You wanna talk about it?” Leighanne asked me with concern.

“Not really. It’s still too fresh in my mind.”

“Okay. I’m here if you need me.”

“So I will meet you at the studio around nine on Friday. We can take my car. I can’t wait.”

“It sounds fun.”

I quickly got off the phone and continued to clean up Nick’s mess. Hopefully he would talk to me when he got home tonight. I didn’t like having him mad at me.

Nick came home around ten o’clock. I was sitting in the living room attempting to read a book. Having read the same paragraph for the last hour, I was glad to have Nick home. Maybe he had cooled off and was ready to talk to me.

Nick walked past the living room and went straight up the stairs. He was still pissed at me. I couldn’t really blame him, though I thought it was immature that he would ignore me. You would think being mature adults we would discuss our problem.

I placed my book on the coffee table. I quickly took a breath and ran up the stairs. Nick was sitting on the bed when I entered the bedroom.

“Are you going to ignore me?” I asked. I stood in front of him.

“Yes.”

“That’s mature.”  I scoffed.

“Mature or not, I don’t really care. It’s better than saying something I may regret.” He got up and started pulling his shirt off.

“Are we ever going to talk about?” I was frustrated.

“Eventually.” Nick walked towards the master bathroom. I followed him. “Would you quit following me?”

“Fine, Nick. I’ll be here when you want to talk. Are you sleeping in here or the living room?”

“I’ll be sleeping in the guest room for a while.”

I huffed out of the bathroom. He was such an ass.

--------------------------

The next morning I was sitting at the island in the kitchen eating my bagel and tea, when Nick came in. I chose to ignore him.

He poured himself a cup of coffee and sat down across from me. I continued to read my magazine.

“Aren’t you going to talk to me?” I chose to ignore him. “Are we in grade school?”

I looked at him. Then I went back to reading the article on choosing the best washing machine. Nick took my magazine and tossed it aside.

“What are you doing?” I glowered at him. He was really starting to piss me off.

“I’m trying to talk to you, but you would rather read about recipes or furniture or some other shit.”

“For your information, I was reading about washing machines. Does the world stop because you want to talk?”

“I thought you would be happy I wanted to talk. Make up your mind.” He ran his fingers through his hair.

“Oh so now you want to talk. When I wanted us to talk, you acted like the world was coming to the end. Now you want to talk, and I have to stop what I’m doing and listen.”

“That’s not true. I was still pissed off last night. I didn’t want to say something I regretted.”

“Funny, you said a lot of things the other night that were regrettable. Do I need to remind you of those things?” I stood up.

“I don’t need reminded.” He looked at his watch. “Damn, I’m going to be late for rehearsal. Can we talk when I get home?”

“I would like that. What are you doing for lunch today?” I asked quietly

“I’ll just eat at the studio.”

“Okay. I’m going to be in Orlando doing some job searching. I thought we could meet for lunch.”

“I would but I don’t know what time we are going to break for lunch. I wouldn’t want you to be hungry all day.” He stood up and grabbed his keys from the bowl.

“Oh, okay. I guess I will see you when you get home.”

He nodded his head and left.

-----------------

My job search was going nowhere fast. Literally no one wanted to hire me. They kept telling me I was over qualified and over educated. All I wanted was a job.

It was around noon and I was getting hungry. I found a small café and decided to check it out. I walked in and found a small table. I was looking at the menu, when someone came over to the table.

“Hello Emma!”

I looked up and saw Howie. I smiled in surprise. Shouldn’t he be at the studio?

“Hi Howie. This is a surprise.”

“Yeah, Brian got sick so we called it a day.”

“Poor Brian. Would you like to sit down?” He pulled out the chair and sat down.

“Sure. So, what are you doing in Orlando?” He smiled at me. Even his warm brown eyes were smiling at me.

“Job searching. It’s not going well.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

The waitress came over and quickly took our orders.

“I’m just getting bored sitting at home everyday. With Nick recording, I’m getting lonely. I need something to fill my time up with.” I admitted honestly. I hadn’t even told Nick that.

“I bet.  Do you have a degree?”

“Yes, in business. You know I had my own business in Los Angeles. I’m just not ready to open a new one. It devastated me when my store caught on fire.”

“I could just imagine.” Howie took a sip of his water.

“So tell me about yourself Howie. I don’t know much about you.” I place a strand of hair behind my ear.

“What do you want to know?” He answered with a smile. His smile could make your heart melt. It was warm and genuine.

“Anything you’re willing to tell me.” I joked.

“Well, I’m thirty seven. I’m a Backstreet Boy. I invest in real estate.”

“You sound like you are interviewing with a teen magazine.’ I chuckled.

“Do I? Well I could tell you all my favorites.” He teased back.

Our waitress brought our food. I quickly dug into my food. I was starving.

“Besides being so busy, what do you do in your free time?”

“Free time. What is that? I don’t really have much free time. I’ve been busy at Tabu.”

“Your club is nice. I enjoyed it, even though I caused all that trouble.” I looked down at my plate.

“You didn’t do anything but defend yourself. I’m sorry Kevin acted like an ass.”  Howie answered softly.

I looked up at him. He was staring at me with those brown eyes. I had to stop staring at them.

“I still feel bad. My temper gets the best of me sometimes.”

“It happens to all of us. I was just thinking. I need an assistant at the club. Now that I’m recording, I just don’t have the time to get over to Tabu everyday. Would you be interested?” He said seriously.

“Really? What would be my responsibilities?” I questioned. Was this a real job or did he feel bad for me?

“Basically you would be me, when I’m not there. You will manage the staff, purchasing, seeing that things are in order. The hours would be nine to five, with some extra hours for special events.”

“You’re not giving me this job just because you feel sorry for me?” I whispered. He took my hand in his. I felt a spark but decided to ignore it.

“I don’t give jobs to just anyone. You seem like a strong, educated young woman. You have spunk and confidence. I think you would be perfect for the job. Plus I pay really well.” He smiled at me.

“I don’t care about the pay. I’ll take the job.”

“Great. I wasn’t taking no for an answer, Emma.”

I set my keys on the counter. I couldn’t wait to tell Nick about my new job. I hope that he would be happy and supportive of me.

I walked into the living room, but he wasn’t there. I decided to check the studio for some reason I thought he would be there. I quickly knocked on the door.

“Enter.”

I slowly walked in. Nick was busy playing around. I didn’t know what he was doing, since I knew nothing about the music industry.

“Hey Nick. How was your day?”  I leaned against the wall.

“It was okay. Brian got sick, so we cancelled our recording. I came home and have been working on a song. How was your day?”

“It was good. I got offered a job.” I smiled.

“That’s great. What kind of job?”

“Stripper.” I said pokerfaced.

“WHAT? You can be fucking serious.” Nick was freaked by my answer, which made me bust out laughing.

“I’m kidding.”

“You’re such a bitch.” He grabbed my arm and pulled me on his lap.

“You know you love it. Seriously, I’m going to be working at Tabu.” His eyes grew large.

“Doing what?”

“Pretty much I’m going to be Howie’s assistant. So I’ll be doing his job when he can’t be there.”

“How did this come about?” He questioned.

“I ran into Howie when I was having lunch. We started talking and he offered me the job.”

“That’s great Emma. I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks Nick. That means a lot to me.”

“Baby, I just want to see you happy. We need to talk. Why don’t you go get into something more comfortable? I’ll meet you in the living room in about ten minutes. I need to finish up down here.”

“Okay.” I gave him a peck on the cheek and got off his lap.

------------------------------------------

I waited in the living room for Nick. I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas flipping through the channels. Nick was taking his good old time. Twenty minutes had passed and he still hadn’t come up from his studio. I was getting restless.

Nick walked in the room and shut the television off. He sat next to me on the couch. We both sat so we could face each other. This was the moment I was dreading. I didn’t want to talk about that night. I realized our relationship wouldn’t grow if we didn’t talk. I felt stupid and immature.

“What happened the other night?”

“Umm...I wanted to make love to you. I was ready to be with you, but I froze.”

“Em, I’m not going to hurt you.” He said gently. I knew he wasn’t going to hurt me, but every time we got close I freaked out.

“I know that Nick. It really doesn’t have anything to do with you.”

“I’m not buying that Emma. I know you’re a virgin. It doesn’t bother me, but you can’t keep using that as an excuse. You’re not a teenager anymore.”

“I know that Nick. I can’t help it that I can’t give you the one thing you want. I love you a lot. The thought of making love to you is always on my mind.” I paused to compose myself. “I can’t help it if I freaked out. I know it’s irrational. Hell, I’m embarrassed. I’m thirty two years old and I can’t make love to my boyfriend.”

“How are we going to get over this? I love you and I don’t like seeing you upset over this. I love you and want to show you how much.” He moved closer to me.

“I don’t know Nick. It upsets me that I can’t please you. Then you get mad at me. I know you want and need sex. It makes me feel bad that I can’t give you what you want.”

“Have you ever thought of going to a therapist or something?” Nick asked.

“I have, but I always felt weird about it. I guess I am just embarrassed to talk about it to anyone.” I sighed.

“Baby, there’s nothing wrong with talking to someone. You can’t go your whole life without having sex.” He said lightly.

“I know.” I scooted closer to Nick and he pulled me into his arms. “You hurt my feelings when you called me a cock tease.  I wasn’t trying to tease you.”

“Emma, I was just pissed. I was in the mood and you just stopped. I got mad at you. It wasn’t my finest moment. I’m sorry.”

“I forgive you. I’m sorry.” I looked into his deep blue eyes. They were filled with so much love. “I thought you were going to break up with me. I’ve never seen you that mad.”

“I wouldn’t break up with you. In the past, I would have dumped a girl in a heartbeat that wouldn’t have sex with me. I’ve grown up and matured.”

“Nick sometimes I think we are so different and that’s why things don’t always work for us. You have so much experience when it comes to sex, and I have none.  What if I’m no good at sex?”

“Emmers, that is not possible. Your kisses turn me on. You’ve done a lot of sexual things with me. It doesn’t bother you giving me blow jobs, so eventually it won’t bother you making love to me. I guess I just need to learn to take things slow. It’s just hard to get used to that, when most girls want to fuck me five minutes into a date.”

“I forgot you are the sexy Nick Carter.” I teased, but grew serious again. “I don’t want this to be the major issue of our relationship. We have so much going for us that I worry about this.”

“Do you see me leaving? I shook my head. “I love you, and we will get over this. Someday we will laugh about this.”

Nick took my face in his hands and pulled it to his. He placed gentle kisses all over my face and then my lips.

All was forgiven for now. I hoped that Nick would continue to love me and my faults. He made me feel so loved.

Upon entering the studio, I saw Leighanne sitting with her son doing some school work. Brian and AJ were sitting laughing at something on the laptop.

“Hey Emma. Hey Nick.” Howie walked over towards us.

“Hi Howie. How are you today?” I gave him a friendly smile.

“I’m doing well. How about you?” He took my hand and placed a kiss on it.

“Doing great.”

“I heard Emma is going to be working for you.” Nick said as he sat down.

“Yeah. It will be nice to have somebody smart and confident working with me.” He smiled at me.  I pretended to ignore his smile.

“Hey Emma. We’re going to leave as soon as Bay finishes his math test.”

“Sounds good.” I sat down on Nick’s lap. He slowly started to rub my legs. It felt good. Tonight we were going out on the town and spending a romantic night at a hotel. I couldn’t wait to spend time with Nick.

“You guys ready to get started?” Kevin entered the room.

“Let’s go. I want to get out early. I have a night of romance planned.” Nick attempted to get up with me on his lap. I fell to the ground. “Em are you okay?”

“I’m fine Nick.” I quickly got up. “You can make it up to me tonight.”

“I can’t wait.” He brought me in for a long steamy kiss.

“Enough. There’s a kid in the room.” Kevin rolled his eyes and walked out.

We broke apart. Nick followed Kevin out of the room. I was in my own world thinking about tonight. It was going to be romantic. I couldn’t wait.

I noticed Leighanne standing next to me. She had a big smile on her face.

“You two are so cute together. Let’s get you ready for you romantic night.” She giggled.

---------------------------------

Leighanne and I were lying on the massage table enjoying our Swedish massage.

“You and Nick seem to have a good relationship.”

“We do, but like any couple we have some issues.” I sighed. I was still feeling guilty about what happened at the beginning of the week.

“It sounds like something is bothering you. Do you want to talk about it?” She turned her head to face mine.

“Yeah, because if I don’t I might explode. Nick and I have discussed it, but I need another woman’s take on it.”

“Talk away.”

“Nick and I haven’t had sex yet. We’ve come close but it hasn’t happened yet.”

“What has stopped you?” Leighanne asked quietly.

“Me. Every time we get close, I stop.” I paused. “I’m a virgin.”

“Do you think that is what’s stopping you?”

“No. I want to make love to him. How long did it take you and Brian to have sex?”

“Brian and I had a whirlwind romance. Things happened really quickly between us.” She smiled. I could tell she was reminiscing about their early days. “We met on a video shoot.  Three days later we were dating. I think after a week we were having sex. It wasn’t something I normally did, but everything with Brian seemed so right.”

“I love Nick. He’s everything I ever wanted in a guy. He’s sweet, caring, charming, and romantic. I’m so attracted to him, but for some reason I can’t have sex with him.”

“What happens when you get to that point?” Leighanne questioned. She was really trying to help me figure this thing out.

“I can be all in the mood, ready to go, and my mind says stop. Nick is getting frustrated, which makes it harder for me.”

“Your mind is trying to tell you something.”

“Maybe I need to stop listening to my brain and just do it.” I was irritated with this whole situation.

“Then you’re not being fair to yourself. No woman should force herself to have sex just because her man wants her to. When you’re ready, you’re ready. He’ll just have to wait.”

“Ladies your massage is over. You may head to the dining room for lunch.” The buff guy said and left the room.

We quickly put our robes on and headed towards the dining hall. We quickly got our food and sat down.

“Nick is already starting to get annoyed with me. We’ve been fighting about it.” I took a bite of salad.

“He not used to a woman turning him down. I think that’s a good thing for him. Nick needs to learn it’s not all about him.”

I looked at her and started to laugh. I was enjoying my day at the spa. Leighanne was friendly and easy to talk to.

“Well enough about me. Let’s talk about something else.”

------------------------------

After our spa day, Leighanne and I quickly went shopping for something to wear for my romantic date with Nick. All I knew what that I needed to dress up. Leighanne helped me pick out a beautiful green dress with a flowy chiffon skirt that came down to my mid thigh. My hair was done is soft waves. I felt gorgeous and hoped Nick would like it.

Slowly we walked into the recording studio. I felt out place being all dolled up. Leighanne was next to me in jeans and a cute shirt. That was more my style, but every once in a while I loved looking like a princess.

“Emma you look breathtaking.” Howie’s eye bulged out of his head. He had a look of desire in his eyes. I smiled at him.

“Thank you Howie. Do you know where Nick is?”

“He’s getting ready. He should be out soon.”

“Thanks.” I stood there feeling uncomfortable.

Howie was attempting to read a paper that was sitting on the coffee table. He kept stealing glances at me. He didn’t think I noticed but I did. I found it kind of amusing in a weird way. I wasn’t used to men looking at me that way.

Nick walked in behind me. I felt his arms move around my waist. Slowly I turned around. Nick grabbed my face and pulled me into his chest. He licked his lips and crushed them to mine. I noticed a blur move out of the room. Poor Howie having to watch Nick attack me with his mouth. After a few minutes, we broke apart.

“Emma, you’re absolutely stunning.” He attempted to catch his breath.

“Thank you. I love you in that suit.”

Nick looked hot in his black suit with a dark green shirt. It was funny how we matched without even trying.

“Let’s go or we’ll be late for our reservation.” Nick took my hand and we started to leave.

“Where are you taking me?”

“I’m not telling. I don’t want to ruin the surprise.”

When we got outside, a black Prowler was in the parking lot. Nick opened the door for me. I slowly got in. I felt like I was in a dream. This was going to be a great weekend.

After about twenty minutes, Nick pulled the Prowler into the most beautiful hotel. The sign read The Ritz Carlton. I had never been anywhere so fancy in my life. I was giddy with anticipation about the weekend.

“Emma the look on your face is priceless. I can see that you are excited.” Nick rubbed his hand against my thigh.

“Excited doesn’t begin to tell you what I’m feeling.” I said in giggling. “I can’t believe you would do this for me.”

“Sweetheart, I would do anything for you. I love you.” He reached over and kissed my cheek. Goosebumps appeared all over my body.

Nick pulled the car up to the front of the hotel. He quickly got out and walked around to open my door. Quickly I took his hand and stepped out. It was like being in a fairy tale. The valet came over and took the keys. Then he drove off with the car. Within minutes we were walking into a restaurant located on the grounds.

It was absolutely breathtaking. Norman’s was designed in a Colonial Italian Palazzo style with marble walls and floor in rose and tan.  Nick took my hand and we walked to the outdoor terrace with a view of the lake. We sat down at a table.

“I hope you don’t mind, but I already put our order in. I know you will love what I chose.” He smiled at me.

“I don’t mind at all. I think I might be spoiled after this weekend.” I whispered softly. “This is so romantic.”

“I wanted to treat you like a princess. You’re always doing things for me. You deserve to have a fairy tale weekend.” He took my hand in his.

“I’m starving. What’s for dinner?”

“We are going to start off with Mumbai Spice Grilled Key West Shrimp. Then we will have the Winter Haven Heirloom Tomato Salad. That will be followed by Pan Cooked Fillet of Key West Yellowtail, Garlicky Mashed Potatoes, and Grilled Asparagus Spears.”

“Nick that sounds delicious. I’m glad I didn’t eat a lot today.”

“Oh wait. There will be dessert after that.”

“Mmm, dessert is my favorite. What are we having?” I asked with a smile. I was hope he would say each other.

“Strawberry shortcake parfait. Then we will take a walk around the garden.”

“Nick, I think I’ve dies and gone to heaven.” I couldn’t understand how one guy could treat me so good. Nick made me feel special.

The waiter brought out our first course. We slowly ate and talked.

“How was the spa?”

“It was wonderful. Leighanne is so nice. I’m glad I got to spend time with her.”

“Good. That makes me happy. You need some new friends.”

“How’s recording going?”

“It’s going. We’re having a bit of conflict about a song. Nothing out of the ordinary.”

“That’s good.” I stared into his eyes.

“You look so beautiful tonight. Green is your color. It brings out the green in your eyes.”

By the end of the meal, Nick and I were hardly talking. The sexual tension was thick. All I could think about was making love to him. I knew that I was finally ready to take that step in our relationship. Tonight was going to change our relationship. Nick kept stealing glances at me. I kept blushing.

“That meal was scrumptious.” Nick placed his linen napkin on the table.

“Not as scrumptious as you are.” I licked my lips.

“Let’s get out of here. We can take a walk in the garden.”

We walked hand in hand out of the restaurant. We were getting ready to walk outside, when I abruptly stopped.

“What’s wrong Emma?” Nick asked uneasily.

“Umm…nothing.” I stopped talking. “Let’s forget the garden. Make love to me.”

“For real?”

“Yes.”

He dragged me to the elevator. Once the door opened we quietly stepped in. He pushed the button, then his mouth assaulted mine. I forgot we were in the elevator. My hands went to his ass. Our tongues were taking turns discovering each others mouth. The dinging of the elevator pulled me out of my haze of desire. We were almost at our destination. Everything was taking to long. I needed Nick now.

He fumbled with the door. I don’t think I had ever seen Nick so nervous. I took the key card from his hand and quickly got the door opened. He pushed me in the room and closed the door. I didn’t even take the time to look at my surroundings. Nick picked me up and we went straight into the bedroom.

Nick placed me gently on the ground. The first thing he did was unzip my dress. It fell to the floor like a pile of feathers. I was standing in a dark green bra and thong set.

“God Emma. You’re in my favorite color.” Nick kneeled down on the floor. He took one high heel off at a time. Then he slowly kissed his way from my ankle to my center. I was on fire.

“Mmmm Nick.”

His lips moved to my stomach and his hands were unclasping my bra. Nick continued moving his hands up my body. His mouth was on my breast.

“Nick, stop torturing me.” I moaned. “I need you to make love to me.”

With all of his strengthen he picked me up and placed me on the bed. Then he started to undress himself. I watched intently as he became naked. He could stay that way forever. His body was a sight to behold. Such muscles and strength, I couldn’t wait to kiss every inch of him.

He got onto the bed and hovered over top of me.

“Are you sure you’re ready for this. If not that’s okay. I didn’t plan this weekend to force you to have sex with me.” He told me sincerely. I knew he was telling the truth.

“Nick, I love you. I want to show you that I love you.” I took in a breath. “I’m ready to make love to my boyfriend. I love you.”

He slowly unrolled the condom and put it on. Slowly I waited for him to enter me. I was nervous, but in an excited way.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to take my time with you. Just relax.” Slowly he placed the tip of his cock in me. I held my breath. Taking his time he finally entered me completely.

“Oh.” My breathing grew heavy.

“Are you okay, Em? Am I hurting you?”

“I’m fine, Nick. I’m just surprised how big you are.” I smiled at him.

Slowly he started thrusting into me. I started to move in motion with him. He took his time and was completely attentive to my every need and desired. Nick was so good to me.

Making love was not as momentous as I thought it would be. Maybe it was because it was my first time. I’m not really sure. It wasn’t like any of the romance novels I had read.

I could feel that Nick’s release was near. I was nowhere near mine. That is when my tears started to fall. Nick looked at me and smiled. He thought they were tears of joy and ecstasy. With a few more thrusts Nick climaxed. I pretended to have an orgasm. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Tears fell from my eyes.

“I love you, Emma.” He said tenderly.

“I love you, Nick.” I murmured.

After making love Nick cuddled me close to him. He was so tender and gentle. I was feeling bad, but he didn’t even realize that I was acting weird.

“Emmers, I love you so much.” He kissed me forehead.

“I love you, too.” I whispered.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes, Nick.” The tears were still coming from my eyes. I was uncomfortable lying in his arms.

“Why are you crying?” He said softly. “Making love can be overwhelming, especially the first time. I never experienced the connection I felt with you.”

“Thank you, for understanding Nick.”

I closed my eyes, pretending that I was tired. Hopefully he would think I was asleep. I don’t think I would be able to utter a word to him. It was bad enough that I was being untruthful with him.

After what seemed like forever, Nick was softly snoring. I got up and put Nick’s shirt on. I made my way to the balcony.

My mind was full of thoughts about what had happened. I thought making love to Nick would be a monumental moment in our relationship. It wasn’t anything that Nick did. He was attentive, caring, and sweet. He did everything right. Maybe it was me. I had waited so long to have sex that I was consumed by fantasies. I knew that wasn’t that case. Nick had provided a wonderful fantasy for me. Maybe it would better the second time around.

I sat on the balcony with my chin resting on my knees. Minutes turned into hours. The sun started to rise. My body wouldn’t let me get back into bed with Nick.

“The bed was lonely without you.” Nick sat down next to me. His hair was all over the place. He looked good with bed head.

“I’m sorry. I just love watching the sunrise.” I looked at him.

“Next time wake me up. I don’t want to miss any of these moments with you.”

“I promise to wake you up for every sunrise from now on.” I placed a kiss on his cheek.

“Good.” He smiled at me. “I have a wonderful day planned for us.”

“Really? What do you have planned?”

“I booked us a private cabana by the pool.” He smirked at me and continued. “That way we won’t be bothered.”

Nick pulled me onto his lap and placed his lips on mine. The night before was forgotten. His lips on mine did something to my mind, body, and soul. I wanted him more than I did the night before. I was going to chalk up my first experience to nerves. It had to be that.

“Nick, I love you. Let me get a shower. Then can we get some breakfast?”

“Anything you wish my lady.”

I almost ran to the bathroom, but I realized that Nick would find that strange. I quickly grabbed my toiletries and went to the bathroom.

As I stood under the cascading water, my thoughts were filled with so many thoughts. I loved Nick more than anyone else in my life. Being in his arms was like be wrapped in a piece of heaven. I cared about his so much. Last night’s stress left my body tense. I was going to give sex a second chance. It had to be better the second time around.

 I was amazed that Nick didn’t realize something was off last night. Maybe he knew I was nervous and didn’t want me to feel bad about it. Or maybe he was just a guy and as long as he got off it didn’t matter. I don’t think he would be that uncaring.

I got out of the shower and dried off. Quietly I walked into the bedroom. Nick was lying on the bed. When he saw me his eyes lit up and his mouth formed into a smirk.

“You look good in a towel.” He teased.

“Nick, you’ve seen me in a towel before.”

“I know. But damn girl, you look sexy.” He walked over to me. “I need to remind you every day how sexy you are.”

His mouth moved down to my shoulder. He nipped my shoulder gently. Shivers went down my spine and moan escaped my mouth.

“You like that?” Nick gazed into my eyes. I bit my lip and nodded my head. I still couldn’t speak from the way he made me feel.

He pulled me close and just held me in his arms. Nick made me feel safe and loved. I could stay in his arms forever.

“Nickers, I’m getting cold standing here. Let me finish getting ready. I’m starving.”

He moved away from me. I grabbed my clothes and headed back into the bathroom.

----------------------------------------------

After breakfast we headed to our private cabana. It was absolutely stunning. It had two chaise lounges, chairs, a small table, television and mini fridge. Rose petals were carefully placed everywhere. I definitely could feel the romance.

“Make yourself comfortable.” Nick replied as he stretched out on a lounge. I slowly plopped down on top of him.

“Hey there, Nicky.” I said with a giggle.

“Well, hello there, Emmers. Are you comfortable?”

“Yeah, I am. You are a cozy pillow.” He grabbed me and pulled me on his side.

“Are you enjoying yourself?”

“Nick, thank you for all of this.” I placed my arm over his stomach. “I am enjoying every moment. No one has ever treated me like a princess. I feel like I’m dreaming.”

“You deserve it. I’m glad you are having a good time.” Nick started playing with my wavy hair. “It makes me happy to see you happy. I hope last night was everything you thought it would be.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment. I was trying to come up with the right words to say. I didn’t want to hurt Nick’s feelings with the truth. I kept telling myself that my nerves got the best of me last night.

“It was great Nick.” I told a little white lie. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. Everything was perfect in our relationship at the moment. I didn’t want to ruin it because of one minor detail.

“I agree. I can’t wait to make love to you again.” He kissed my cheek.

“We have all day to make love.”

“I’m going to hold you to that.”

We both just laid together lost in our own thoughts. We didn’t even need to talk to feel the love we felt for each other.

“Oh baby, that was perfect.” Nick caressed my cheek as he lay beside me.

“It was.” I whispered barely getting the words out. I was the worse girlfriend ever. This was the second time we made love, and I was still lying to Nick.

I knew I wasn't an expert when it came to making love, but something wasn’t right. I didn’t see fireworks or feel my eyes rolling to the back of my head from a mind blowing orgasm. I couldn’t blame Nick. It wasn’t his fault. Nick was more than attentive both times. That’s why I was unable to tell him the truth.

“Baby is something wrong? You’re so quiet.”

“No.” I took a slow breath. “It’s all so new to me. Just kind of wondering if I’m doing it right.”

“Emma. You are absolutely perfect. I’ve never felt such a connection with any woman.” Nick slowly rubbed my arm.

My heart was crushed. He thought I hung the moon and stars when it came to sex. I didn’t know what to do. I needed a moment a way from Nick.

“Nick, I’ve got to go to the bathroom.” I got up and quickly walked out of the cabana.

After walking around for a few minutes, I found the bathroom. I sat down on the toilet and let the tears fall from my eyes. I didn’t know of anything else to do. I was a horrible, dishonest girlfriend. I was everything I promised myself not to be. At this point I didn’t know what to do. Well, actually I knew what I needed to do. I need to be honest with Nick, but I wasn’t sure what to say to him. My mind was trying to rationalize my thoughts. It was an epic failure. My best bet was to let myself figure out what to say to Nick. For the time being I was going to keep my problem to myself.

I unlocked the stall and walked over to the sink. My face was all blotchy and red. Nick was going to know something was up. I turned on the water and splashed myself with cold water. I took a deep breath and tried to calm down. After a few minutes, my face was slightly less blotchy and red. It was time to make my way back to the cabana.

-------------------------------

Nick was humming to himself when I entered the cabana. He looked so happy and content.

“Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve been crying.” He asked in concern as he sat up.

“I’m fine Nickers. I just had some bad cramps.” I answered. “I hate being a woman.”

“I’m sorry you’re not feeling well. How about we cuddle and I rub your stomach?”

Why was he so sweet to me? At times I felt I wasn’t good enough for him. This was one of those times. I was so insecure when it came to Nick.

“That sounds perfect to me.”

We both snuggled together. Nick was rubbing my stomach.

“Someday when you’re pregnant with my baby, I’m going to rub your tummy every night when we go to bed.”

“You plan on us having kids?”

“Emma, you are the only woman I have ever thought about having kids with. I think you would make the perfect mother.” He kissed my shoulder. It was such an affectionate kiss.

“I’ve always wanted a houseful of kids. A few weeks before I met you I was looking into going to a sperm bank.”

“Why? Did you want kids that badly?”

“Nick, I’ve always wanted children. At that point, I was ready to give up on falling in love. I figured I didn’t need a man to have a baby. I had everything else in my life; a successful career, a place to live, and enough money to raise a child.” I explained to him.

He took my hand and placed it on his lips. He gave me soft kisses on my hand. I scooted closer to him. My hand moved to his thigh, and I gently started to rub his thigh.

“I think you would make a wonderful mother. I’m glad you didn’t go to the sperm bank. I know you want a baby, but someday we can make a baby with our love.” His voice cracked.

“You plan on us having a baby together?” I murmured. I was truly shocked at his comment. Most guys didn’t want to talk about babies.

“Whenever you are ready, Emmers. If you want to get pregnant tomorrow or next year, I’m ready, willing, and able.” He smirked at me. I started to laugh.

“Are you sure your sperm is that strong? You sound awfully confident Carter. I smacked him in the chest. “You must have a bunch of little Carter’s roaming around with that super sperm of yours.”

“You are so not funny, Emma Warde. There are no little Carter’s running around this world. You are the only one I want to populate the world with.”

“I love you, Nick.” I reached up to kiss his lips. He rolled me over onto my back. Slowly he placed his weight on top of me.

“I.” Kiss. “Love you.” Kiss. “Emma.”

I broke the kiss and looked deep into his eyes. All the love he had was radiating from those blue eyes. I was the luckiest girl in the world.

“Thank you for everything you do for me. You make me feel like a princess. I’m so glad Sasha introduced us. That’s the best thing she has ever done.”

“I agree. How is she doing?”

“I haven’t heard her since she dumped Kevin’s nasty ass. She was pissed when she found about his whore in Florida.” He looked at me. “Those are her words not mine.”

“Good because I know you don’t use words like that. My Emma is sweet and nice.”

“That may be true, but I have a temper.” I pushed him onto his back and he fell to the floor.

“So I shouldn’t make you mad?” He sat up as he rubbed his head.

“Exactly. I’m hungry. Let’s get some lunch.”

“These are the files where the invoices go. I scan them into the computer and keep a copy in the file cabinet. Monthly I save the scanned copies to a disc.” Howie explained as he showing me how the file cabinet was setup.

“Okay.” I answered.

Howie has been explaining how he runs his club. He was very thorough. He may be very sweet, but he had a mind for business. When he wanted something he wanted it done right and at the moment he asked.

“I don’t want to overwhelm you. Let’s sit down and have some tea.”

I nodded my head and followed Howie out into the club. He poured us both a cup of tea and scooted us over to a table.

“How was your romantic weekend with Nick?”

“It was wonderful. Nick treated me like a princess. The hotel was gorgeous.” I gushed like a fool.

“All women deserve to be treated like a princess. Nick has changed since he’s met you.” Howie played with his mug.

“Is that a good thing?”

“Of course. Nick has a heart of gold. In the past he’s had a hard time showing it. He was afraid to show his heart because he picked the wrong women to date. You’re different.” Howie’s hand moved closer to mine.

I got nervous having his hand so close to mine. I quickly moved my hand and knocked my mug to the floor. Tea spilled to the floor.

“Howie, I’m so sorry. I’m such a klutz.” I grabbed some napkins to sop up the mess.

I don’t know why I was so weird around Howie. He was a nice guy and treated me respectfully. Hopefully I could get over this feeling.

“Don’t worry about Emma. It’s just a spill.” He bent down on the floor next to me and wiped up the remaining tea.

Howie looked at me and smiled. My stomach had butterflies tumbling in it. Why was my body reacting like that?

I stood up and went to throw my napkins away. I needed a moment to collect myself. I decided that my nerves were due to starting a new job. It wasn’t because of Howie.

“So what else do I need to know to fill your shoes, Howie?”

“Well currently we are short staffed this morning. Jasmine called off sick. I have some calls to make. Would you mind checking to see how many bottles of each type of alcohol we have at the bar and VIP lounges. Here’s the form you need to use.” He handed me the form. “That way I will be able to order what we need to replenish. When you are finished you can take a lunch break. I have to meet with the guys at noon. The evening manager Derek will be here around two, so he’ll give you instructions on what to do.”

“I’ll get right on this. Have a good day if I don’t see you before you leave. Tell Nick I said hi.”

I made my way to the main bar and started to count bottles of alcohol. Ninety-nine bottles of beer was going through my head. Right now the work was mundane, but at least I was a part of the work forces. I was feeling productive, instead of lounging around Nick’s house.

I heard my cell phone ding. It was a text message from Nick. Hope u r having a great day. Miss you. See u 2 nite. Nick was such a sweetheart. Always finding ways to show he cared.

I started typing a text back. Enjoying my work & busy. Miss u back. Luv ya. See u at home. I placed my phone in my pocket and got back to work.

------------

When I pulled up to the house, I noticed Nick’s vehicle was missing. He was still at the studio. It was close to seven o’clock and I hadn’t seen him since I left at seven this morning. I was exhausted. Derek worked me like a racehorse. I didn’t realize how strong I needed to be to move all the boxes of booze and beer.

I went upstairs to the bedroom. The bed looked so inviting. I changed into my pajamas and made my way to the kitchen. I was starving and realized I didn’t have anything to eat since eleven this morning.

I opened the freezer and took out a frozen pizza. I preheated the oven and sat at the island until it was time to put the pizza in. I placed my head on the cool marble. My body started to relax.

“I missed waking up with you in my arms Emma.” Nick whispered in my ear. Slowly I sat up.

“You’re home. What time is it?” I couldn’t believe I fell asleep.

“It’s ten thirty.” He sat done next to me.

“I must have fallen asleep.” I got up and turned to oven off.

“Rough day at work?”

I grabbed a Coke from the fridge. It tasted wonderful as the cool fizz went down my throat.

“Yeah. I never carried so many boxes of booze in my life.”

“Is Howie being a slave driver?” Nick teased as he grabbed my bottle of Coke.

“Howie is perfectly fine. The assistant manager is the slave driver. I carried more boxes than he did.”

“Derek is a lazy ass. I don’t know why Howie keeps him around.” He kissed me. “I missed you today.”

“I missed you more. How was recording?” I wrapped my arms around him.

“It’s going good. AJ and Kevin kept fighting about the song we were recording.”

“How do you guys get any work done?”

“It’s hard, but somehow we manage. Enough about work. Let’s go cuddle in bed.”

“That sounds perfect. I have to be up early again.”

Nick grabbed my hand and escorted me to the bedroom. I jumped into bed as he changed his clothes. I puffed his pillows and settled down against mine. My eyes couldn’t stay open and they drifted close before Nick got into bed.

Work had been keeping me busy the last few weeks. It was nice being productive person. Howie was giving me more responsibility, which I loved. I was currently completing the monthly entertainment schedule.

Howie entered the office and sat down on the couch watching me work. He seemed to love watching me work for some odd reason.

“Hey Howie. I’m almost finished with the February entertainment schedule. Where can I find the list to send to the papers, radio stations and such?” I hit the print button and waited to the stream of papers to give to him.

“Wow, you’re the most efficient worker in this joint. I think you’ve surpassed me.” He teased.

“Hardly. I’m just trying to make sure everything runs smoothly for you. I know you’re busy recording. I don’t want to you have to do extra work.”

“Emma, I couldn’t ask for a better assistant.” He walked over and took the papers from my hand. The surge of energy between us appeared yet again. I pretended to ignore it.

“Thanks Howie.” I answered shyly, tilting my head downward. I don’t know why I was acting this way. I worked with him everyday, but I still managed to feel nervous around him.

“I was wondering if you would be able to work tonight. Derek called off and we DJ Graphix tonight. I need someone to help me manage tonight.”

“Not a problem. Is what I’m wearing alright? Do I need to change?” I looked down at my dark blue jeans and form fitting black blouse.

“Emma, you look beautiful. You will look perfect for tonight.” Howie said honestly. He realized that he was attracted to Emma. “Basically I need you to make sure that everything is running smoothly on the bottom floor. You will have control over the two bars and security. I’ll be manning the VIP rooms.”

“Anything else I need to know?”

“No I think that’s it. Tomorrow you can take the day off.”

“Thanks. I’m going to take my lunch and call Nick.” I grabbed my purse and headed out.

------------------------------------

I took a seat at my favorite café. Quickly I placed my order and decided to call Nick.

“Hello.” Nick said groggily. I must have woken him up. Oh the joys of sleeping in until noon.

“Hey Nick. Did I wake you?”

“No. I woke up about ten minutes ago. I miss you.”

“I miss you, too.” I swirled my spoon around in my iced tea. “What are you plans for today?”

“Not much. I’ll think I might just lie around until you come home.”

“Nick, I have to work late tonight. Derek called off and Howie needs someone to take the shift.” I told him softly.

“Emma, this is the second time this week. I barely see you anymore.” He whined. Sometimes I hated that whine.

“What am I supposed to do? If Howie needs help, I can’t turn him down.” I paused as the waitress brought my food. “I don’t want to lose my job.”

“Emma you don’t need to work. I told you that before.”

“Nick, I’m not the type of woman to sit around all day getting manicures. I like working. I feel accomplished.”

“I know you’re not that kind of woman and I do appreciate it. I just hate seeing you work these long hours and have to drive two hours to get home.” Nick sighed. He was getting frustrated with the work situation. “Can’t you find a job closer to home or go back to school?”

“I looked for a job closer to home, but couldn’t find one. This is the first opportunity I found. I like what I do. I’m sorry if it you don’t like it. I don’t have a choice.”

“Emmers, I’m sorry. It’s just I miss you. We never have any time for us anymore. We’re both so busy. I miss making love to you.”

Nick’s declaration made me lose my appetite. I loved him dearly, but I was actually relieved that we were so busy that we didn’t have time for sex. I still hadn’t told him the truth about how I was feeling about sex with him. I didn’t know how to approach the subject.

“Nick, I’m sorry for getting so defensive.  Howie gave me the day off tomorrow. Why don’t we spend a romantic day on the boat?” I offered. It would be nice to get away from everything for the day.

“That sounds absolutely perfect. I didn’t mean to be an ass. I just miss you.” He explained quietly.

“I know. Tomorrow you can make it up to me. I better finish my lunch and get back to work. Love, ya.”

“I love you.”

I placed my cell phone in my purse and enjoyed my lunch.

-----------------------------------

It was a busy night at Tabu.  It was crowded with a bunch of locals and a few dozen tourists. There were even some out of town Backstreet Fans. They were there to catch a glimpse of Howie but with no success yet. I laughed at the things they wanted to do to him. It was a good thing he was manning the VIP lounges.

It was midnight and I was exhausted. I asked the head of security to take over while I took a short break. I made my way to the office. It would be quiet and peaceful. When I opened the door I noticed Howie sitting on the couch.

“You taking a break, too?” I sat down next to him.

“I was getting the check ready for DJ Graphix.”

“It’s a good thing you didn’t come down on the floor tonight.” I took my boots off. My feet were killing me.

“Why is that?”

“Some of your devoted fans are here tonight.” I laughed. “The things they were planning to do if they met you tonight were quite interesting.”

He looked at me. I definitely piqued his interest.

“Do tell.” He smirked.

“Well if you are into orgies, I say you found yourself three willing participants.”

“That’s so not my seen. Though I do need laid.” He whispered the last part.

“What was that Howie?” I asked curiously.

“Nothing.” He mumbled. I could tell by the look on his face that he was lonely. What was a man like him doing single? He was handsome, sexy, friendly, caring, and anything a woman could ask for. Hell, why did I even care? I was happily in love with Nick. I was feeling bad for him. He deserved a nice woman to love him.

“Howie how long have you been single?” I’ll admit it, I was curious.

“About six months.”

“I’m sorry. You deserve to be loved by someone special.” I patted his knee.

“I don’t need your pity.” He groaned. This must have been a sore subject with him.

“I wasn’t giving you pity. I’m just trying to be a friend.”

“I’m sorry, Emma.” Howie looked me directly in the eyes. I got a strange feeling in the pit of my stomach. He placed his hand on mine. There was that spark again.  “I didn’t mean to be so rude. My love life has been nonexistent for some time. I’ve just been feeling rather lonely lately.”

“Well, there are three ladies out there willing to take your loneliness away.” I joked.

“I’ll pass on that. I’m a one lady man.” He said seriously as he stared into my eyes. I felt anxious, and had to leave the office.  Suddenly I stood up and put my boots back on.

“I better get back out there.” I rushed out of the office.

Nick and I were alone on a boat in the middle of the ocean. We were enjoying our romantic day together.

“Emmers are you having a good time?” Nick sat down next to me.

“It’s beautiful. I’m enjoying myself. Any time spent with you is wonderful.” I wrapped him in a hug.

“I can say the same for you. My life is better since you came along.” He kissed me on my head.

I had never been as happy in my life as I was now. Since meeting Nick my life had change. Most of my life I felt unloved, but since meeting him, I knew what it was to be loved. Sure I sound like a cheesy movie, but I can’t help it. Things were perfect in my mind. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Nick.

“Nick thank you.” I stood up in front of him. He smiled at me.

“You’re welcome. What are you up to?”

“Oh nothing.” My eyes fluttered at him. I grabbed his hand and pulled him up to me.

“Emma.”

“Nick.”

“Emma.” He sang.

“Nick.” I closed the space between us. Slowly we started to sway to the music playing on the radio.

“I’m glad Howie gave you the day off.”

“Me, too. I’ve missed you.”

Our lips met and talking was forgotten. We had not been intimate for over a week. I knew Nick was ready to make love. I, on the other hand was content to cuddle and kiss. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by not making love to him. Even though I was feeling uncomfortable, I was going to make love to him.

I felt the cool air on my back as Nick unzipped my dress. Slowly he slid it down my body, his hands caressing my skin. I shuddered at his touch.

“You’re so sexy, Emma.”

“Mmm Nick.” I moaned against his lips. I thrust my tongue into his mouth. At this point I was turned on.

Soon all of our clothes were scattered on the deck. Luckily we were in the middle of the ocean with no one around us. We made love on the deck in the openness of the ocean.

---------------------------

“Why are you crying?” Nick asked in concern. “Every time we make love you cry.”

I lay next to Nick stunned. I didn’t know how to answer him without hurting the man I loved. How could I put the truth in a way that wouldn’t upset him?

“Emma, talk to me. I’m worried about you.”

“Nick, I’m sorry.” Tears started to fall from my eyes again. “I don’t know how to put this.”

“Just tell me the truth. I’m worried that I’m hurting you or something.” He started wiping my tears away.

“Nick, you’re big, but you’re not hurting me.” I tried to make a joke. “It’s hard to explain.”

“Emma tell me so I can make things better.” He handed me his shirt and put his boxers on.

“Nick, I love you. Please don’t take this the wrong way.”

“Just tell me.” He ran his fingers through his hair. I could tell he was getting impatient.

“When we make love I don’t feel the way I thought I would.”

“What do you mean?” He questioned.

“Well everyone talks about how when you make love, you see fireworks and feel different. I’ve never felt that way yet.”

“You mean you haven’t orgasmed anytime we’ve made love?” I shook my head. Nick moved away from me.

“Are you mad at me?”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I thought we told each other the truth about everything.” His voice rose.

“I was afraid because I knew you would take it wrong. I don’t think it has anything to do with you.” I stopped to compose myself. “It’s me. I thought that with time it would get better.”

“You’re saying I can’t get my girlfriend off. I think that’s a major problem.” He yelled. I could tell his ego was bruised. “Is that why you always made excuses to not have sex?”

“This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. I knew you would be pissed.” My voice rose with anger.

“You lied to me. I’ve never had any problems getting women off.  I don’t think you would know an orgasm if it hit you the face.” He screamed as he finished getting dressed. “You are such a prude and a heartless bitch.”

“Nick, I’m sorry for not telling you. It was heartless of me.” I cried out.

“Oh save me the tears. Right now just get out of my face.”

I grabbed my clothes and went inside the boat. I couldn’t face him. It was all my fault.

--------------------------

As soon as we got home, I went upstairs and took a shower. I changed into jeans and a shirt. Then I went downstairs. Nick was sitting on the couch watching a basketball game.

I grabbed my keys off the bookshelf and made my way to the door.

“Where the hell are you going?” He snarled at me.

“I’m going out for awhile. I need to clear my head.”

“Maybe you can find a guy that gets you off.” He hissed and slammed the remote down.

“That was a low blow, Nick. I don’t want another man. I only want you whether you make me orgasm or not.” I opened the door. “I’m sorry I bruised your precious ego. There’s more to a relationship than sex. Get over yourself.”

“You’re such a bitch.”

I slammed the door in Nick’s face. Quickly I got into my car and pulled out. I didn’t have anywhere to go as I pulled onto the highway. I saw the exit for Orlando. I knew where my final destination was going to be.

Nick had really pissed me off.  I don’t think he really cared about how I was feeling. He was more upset that he couldn’t bring me to orgasm. Get over your manly pride. Just because he couldn’t get me off, didn’t mean he wasn’t a man.

I pulled into the parking lot of Tabu. I got out of the car and slammed the door. Even after a two hour drive I was still pissed at Nick. Sure I wasn’t exactly honest with him, but it was because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings. No matter when I would have told him the truth, his male pride would have gotten in the way. Nick was hot tempered when it came to his manliness.

I made my way to the front of the club. It was early evening so the club wasn’t open yet. I figured I could forget the fight by doing some work.

“Hey there, Emma. What are you doing here? I thought you had the day off.” Derek inquired from the bar.

“I was bored and figured I could get some extra work done.”

I walked toward the office. I prayed that Howie wasn’t inside. I really couldn’t deal with any friend of Nick’s. I just wanted to be alone and get myself involved in my work. I wanted to forget about Nick at the moment.

After about three hours, I managed to complete every task on my list. My bad mood hadn’t lifted. In fact, I think I was even madder than I had been before.

I understood why Nick was mad, but I wasn’t trying to be heartless. I didn’t want to hurt him. I loved him enough to fake an orgasm during sex. If only I didn’t cry each time we had sex. What was wrong with me?

I stood up and went into the storage room. I grabbed a bottle of wine and took it back into the office. I sat on the couch and poured myself a huge glass of wine. Maybe it would relax me. Maybe it would help me forget my problems.

I gulped down the wine and poured myself another glass. I leaned back into the couch and tried to pretend my life was normal. I was so into my thoughts that I didn’t hear the door open.

“Emma what are you doing here?” Howie questioned as he looked at the bottle of wine on the coffee table.

“I needed to get some work done.” I didn’t even look at him.

“Since when did drinking a bottle of wine become work?” He sat down in the chair next to me.

“I was thirsty.”

“Really?” I opened my eyes and looked at Howie. “Wouldn’t a bottle of water been a better choice?”

“Right now water isn’t strong enough.” I blurted out. I had no intentions of letting him know about my relationship issues.

“Apparently. I thought you and Nick were spending a romantic day on the boat.”

I took a swig of wine and grabbed the bottle to pour another. Howie gently took the bottle from my hand. Then he took the cup and placed it on the desk, far away from me.

“What you do that for?” I whined. Howie was ruining my pity party.

“Because getting drunk isn’t going to solve whatever is wrong.” Howie moved next to me on the couch.

“Who said anything was wrong? Can’t a girl just come to work on her day off?” I teased.

“I don’t think Nick would let you leave him on your day off.” Howie said softly. It was a stark contrast to Nick’s booming voice.

“Nick is more than happy with me leaving him alone at the moment.”

“What happened?” He scooted closer to me. There were mere inches between us.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I respect that, but it might help to talk about it.

We sat in silence for a while. I didn’t want to tell anyone about the fight. It would embarrass both Nick and me. I couldn’t do that to Nick. Plus, I didn’t want anyone to know how incompetent I was in the bedroom.

The wine was starting to affect me. My mind was feeling fuzzy. My body was relaxing.

“Does Nick know you’re here?”

“No.”

“Did you get into a fight?” He sounded concern. I really didn’t want him to care.

“Why does it matter to you?” I groaned. I wanted to forget, not keep rehashing it.

“I care about you Emma. I can see something happened.” He took my hand in his and started massaging it. It made my body settle down.

“Nick and I got into a huge fight.”

“About what?”

“I’ve been faking it when we have sex.” I said bluntly. I don’t know why I was being so honest with Howie.

“Can I ask, why?” He asked nervously while continuing to massage my hand.

“You really want me to embarrass myself.” I giggled. At this point I may as well lay it all on the line. I’m sure Nick would be telling all his friends about how awful I was in bed.

“I can’t help you if I don’t know the whole story.” His placed his arm around my shoulder. My body was filled with a zing of electricity. I chose to ignore it, figuring it was the wine making me feel that way.

“Who said I needed your help?” I paused. “Anyway. Nick was the first man I ever had sex with. From the first time we made love I didn’t have an orgasm. I was embarrassed and cried. He thought it was because I was so moved by the experience. I felt horrible.”

“It’s normal. Not all women do on the first time.”

“We continued having sex, but I never did. I just pretended I did so I wouldn’t hurt his feelings.” I looked away from Howie. “It made me cry every time. This afternoon he called me out on it. I told him the truth and flipped out on me.”

“Emma, I’m sorry. I understand why Nick is mad, but I understand how you’re feeling. Look at me.” I refused to look at him. Gently he turned my face to his. “You are a special woman. You deserve to feel the pleasure of making love.”

Howie pulled his face to mine. His lips were on mine before I knew what was happening. Howie’s lips were soft and kind. My body shuddered as his lips moved onto my neck. I heard myself moan. Howie brought his lips back to mine. Slowly, my tongue opened his mouth. Quickly our tongues were swirling together in an erotic dance. My hands went to Howie’s shirt. Slowly I started to unbutton his shirt.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” He asked soberly. I nodded at him and shoved his shirt off his arms. Howie was making me feel things I had never felt sexually before. It was like he was awakening my body.

Within in seconds Howie pulled my shirt off my body. He lowered me onto the couch. He cupped my breasts as he kissed my stomach. Slowly he unzipped my jeans and pulled them off my body. He stood up and undressed. Hello, he had a body any women would want. I was excited and could feel my insides stir with anticipation. I quickly took off my bra and panties.

“You’re absolutely beautiful Howie.” He blushed.

“I was going to say the same about you.” He kissed my nose. “Are you sure you want to do this?”

“I’ve never been more sure in my life. You just do something to me.” I barely got out.

Howie lowered himself onto me. I was nervous and excited at the same time. Howie made me feel things I always had heard of, but didn’t think I was ever going to feel. Slowly he placed himself inside me. We moved together as one being, matching each other thrust for thrust.”

“Are you okay?” He breathed heavily.

“OH HOWIE!” I screamed. “It feels so good.”

I was feeling inhibited. Our bodies were gleaming with sweat. For the first time I could feel that my orgasm was near. Howie continued to kiss me as he got me closer to orgasm.

“Ohhh Howie.” I screamed as my body started to quiver. My insides tightened around Howie. My eyes rolled back and I felt fireworks. Howie’s body crashed onto mine. We laid there as we attempted to catch our breaths. I never knew it could feel like this.

“Emma that was heavenly.” Howie sat up next to me.

“Wow! That was amazing.” I kissed his cheeks, then his lip.

I was incredibly happy and sleepy. My eyes fluttered closed as I fell into a peaceful slumber.

When I awoken from my slumber I was confused as to where I was. I looked around and noticed that I was in Howie’s office. I realized what had happened earlier that evening. Howie was gone. I found my clothes folded neatly on the coffee table. I got dressed and sat back down on the couch.

What had I done? I couldn’t believe I slept with Howie. What was I thinking? It was the best sex I ever had. I shouldn’t be thinking like that when I just cheated on my boyfriend. Howie was one of Nick’s closest friends. What kind of person was I?  I loved Nick with all my heart, but Howie made me feel like a desirable woman. Howie made me feel sexy and wild. Nick on the other hand, made me feel safe and cherished.

Howie entered the office and sat down next to me. Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. I didn’t know what say.

“This isn’t going to get us anywhere.” I finally broke the silence.

“What do you want me to say?” He spoke softly.

“I don’t know. I’m so confused.”

“Talk to me. Be honest with me. I’m going to be by your side no matter what.” Howie said honestly. Why did he have to be such a nice guy?

“Howie you made me feel wild and free. I’ve never felt that way before. I loved it and want to feel that way again.” I was telling Howie the truth. He was so easy to talk to about things. “I feel guilty for cheating on Nick. I’m not that kind of person. My dad cheated on my mom and I vowed that I would never cheat on the person I loved. What about you? What made you want to sleep with me knowing Nick is one of your best friends?” I knew it was a loaded question, but I needed an answer.

“Emma, I’ve been attracted since I met you on New Year’s Eve. There’s something about you that makes me want you. I’ve never had those feelings for other women. I tried to control myself around you, but tonight I lost all control.”

“What about Nick?” I questioned.

“I didn’t purposely set out to sleep with his girlfriend. I got caught up in the moment. I know I shouldn’t have slept with you while you’re with Nick.” Howie stood up. “I don’t regret making love to you. Do you regret it?”

“No.” I stood up next to Howie.

“What’s going to happen now?”

“I’m going to tell Nick. He’s already mad at me for being dishonest. I know he’s going to be pissed beyond belief, but I want him to know the truth.”

“I understand and agree with you.” He moved closer to me. “What do you want to happen between us?”

“Howie, I like you a lot. You just do something to me. It’s been like that every time you’ve been near me. I love Nick. I’m not sure what I want at the moment. What do you want?” I closed the space between us.

“I want a relationship with you. It may take a while to get to that point but I’m willing to wait for you.” His lips pressed into mine. My arms moved around his neck and placed my body against his.

----------------------------------------

Nick was sitting on the couch when I entered the house.  It was after midnight. I mentally prepared myself for my conversation with Nick.

“You finally decided to come back home.” He wouldn’t look at me.

“Nick, I needed time to think. You hurt my feelings.” I sat down across from him.

“Yeah, well you did enough damage to me. I’m not feeling so peachy myself.”

“I’m sorry. I never meant to hurt you.” I apologized. I meant it from my heart.

“Well you did.” He commented bluntly. “I can’t believe you left.”

“What choice did you leave me? I could tell by your attitude that you didn’t want me around. Both of us needed time alone.”

“Where did you go?” He questioned.

“I drove to Orlando to do some work.”

“On your day off.” He scoffed. “What a good employee.”

“Where else did I have to go? I don’t know anyone. I just wanted to be alone.”

“Whatever.” He got and started to leave.

“Nick let’s stop acting like children. Can’t we be rational adults and discuss our relationship?” If it was going to be this hard to talk about our issues, how would he take me sleeping with Howie?

“Let’s talk. You made me feel like a fool. I thought I was pleasuring you and I wasn’t. It made me feel inadequate. I love you and want to make you happy.” He admitted. I could see the tears forming in his eyes. It only made the situation harder.

“You do make me happy. There’s more to our relationship than sex.”

“It’s more than just sex. It’s making love with you and I’m not doing a good enough job.” He said angrily.

“Nick, I think it’s me. I think I’m nervous when it comes to making love. Maybe, I need to relax more.”

“Sex is always going to be an issue with us. We just can’t seem to get it right.”

“Nick, it’s all new to me. You’re so experience and I’m not. I think I get intimidated knowing how experience you are.” I attempted to explain without sounding like a moron. I moved over next to him on the couch.

“Maybe so, but I’m going to make sure you get your orgasm.” He kissed my forehead.

“I have no doubt about that.” I paused for a moment to collect my thoughts. It was time to tell Nick the truth about what happened at Tabu. “Nick, there’s something I need to tell you.”

“What is it?’

“Please hear me out before you go ballistic on me.”

“Why would I go ballistic on you?” He looked at me strangely.

“Just promise.”

“Fine. I promise.”

“I slept with Howie tonight.” I whispered.

“That’s funny.” He laughed. I looked at him.

“Nick, I’m not joking.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” He pushed me as he stood up. “What in the hell possessed you to fuck one of my friends?”

“Nick, it just happened. I was upset from our fight and had some wine. I didn’t mean for it to happen.” I started to cry.

“I didn’t fucking mean it when I said to go find someone to get you off. I can’t believe you. You’re such a bitch.” He screamed. He took a framed photo of us and threw it at the wall. Glass exploded everywhere. I was shocked at Nick’s temper. I knew he would be mad, but this was scary. I never saw this side of him.

“I’m sorry.”

“Did he get you off? Was he more of a man than I was?” Nick sneered. He started grabbing anything he could get his hands on and throwing it at the wall. “I love you and this is how you treat me. I’ve dated enough whores. I thought you were different.”

“I’m sorry, Nick. I didn’t plan on this happening.” I cried out. I grabbed his hand to stop him from throwing things, but he pushed me away.

“You were the one woman that made me want a monogamous relationship. You made it so easy to stay faithful. You are the only whore that slept with my best friend.” He started to walk off.

“I’m sorry. I love you. I didn’t mean it.” I pleaded. My heart was breaking.

“Enough with the I’m fucking sorry. If you were fucking sorry, you would have never done it. I can’t stand you, bitch.” Nick yelled as he ran up the stairs.

I didn’t blame him for being mad. He had every right to hate me. What I did was inexcusable. If this relationship failed it was all because of me and my stupid mistakes.

I followed Nick upstairs to the bedroom. He was flinging the comforter to the floor. The pillows were next to be chucked across the room.

“What the hell are you doing in here?” He screamed at me. I looked at him, but my mouth wouldn’t open. “Just leave me the fuck alone.”

“Nick, what does this mean for our relationship?” I moved closer to him. He didn’t move, but I could see his body tense up.

“I don’t know. I love you so fucking much, but what you did is unforgivable.”

“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I love you so much.” I closed the space between us.

“Why Howie?” He murmured in my ear.

That was the one question I didn’t want to answer. Nick would never understand.  In my own brain I couldn’t fully comprehend it. I loved Nick more than I’ve ever loved anyone, but there was something about Howie. He made me feel alive. I was able to be wild and crazy. I had never felt that way about myself, and I liked it. Nick was safe and comfortable. Howie was the man that could un-tame me.

“There’s always been an attraction to him. I always ignored it because I love you and didn’t want anyone else. There was no reason to act on it.”

“But you did.” Nick backed up and sat on the bed.

“I didn’t plan on it.”

“Do you have feelings for Howie?” He sputtered out. I knew he didn’t want to hear the answer to that question. Nick looked queasy. I was going to be honest with him.

“Yes.” I sat next down next to him. “I love you, but I have feelings for Howie.”

“Oh.” Nick stood up. “I’ll be in the guest room.”

He started to walk away. I didn’t want the conversation to end this way. I hated to go to bed angry.

“Nick, wait.” He stopped and looked at me with glassy eyes. “What does this mean for us?”

“Honestly, I don’t know.” He stepped out of the room. I looked at the empty doorway with the feeling that my relationship with Nick was over.

------------------------------------

Nick sat on the couch in the studio with his eyes closed. He didn’t want to see Howie. What was he going to say to his so called best friend? What kind a brother would sleep with your girlfriend? He didn’t know what he was going to say to Howie. Nick hoped he would remain calm when he saw him.

“So who’s the new lady?”

“She’s not my lady. She just some girl I met at the club.” Kevin answered in an irritated tone, as he and AJ walked into the studio.

“What the hell are you doing here so early?” AJ flopped down next to Nick.

“No reason. Can’t a guy just be early?”

“Nicky you’re never early. You look like shit. You smell like shit. I haven’t seen your eyes this bloodshot in a long time.”

“Thank you Captain Obvious.” Nick got up and moved to another couch. He stretched out so AJ wouldn’t bother him.

AJ grabbed Nick’s laptop and started checking his email. A few minutes later Brian came in.

“What’s his problem?” Brian said pointing to Nick.

“He’s not talking. Just brooding. So you know he’s pissed to the moon.”

“I wonder what’s wrong. He’s been so happy since he started dating Emma.” Brian leaned against the wall, watching his best friend.

“I’m not dead. I can hear every effin’ word you say. Nothing is wrong.”

“Hey guys!” Howie walked in slowly. He was afraid to see Nick after what happened the previous night, but tried to remain calm.

Nick bolted up when he heard the sound of Howie’s voice.  He pushed Howie up against the wall. Brian and AJ looked at each other.

“You Mother Fucking Son of a Bitch. How dare you fuck my girlfriend?”  Nick yelled in Howie’s face. “You little Mexican Bastard! Why the hell would you stoop so low and sleep with Emma?”

Howie stared at Nick. He was at a loss of words. He knew Nick would be mad, but this was scary. Howie was afraid to speak. He knew that Nick wouldn’t even listen to what he had to say.

“Nick, let him go.”

“Shut the hell up, AJ. This mother fucker fucked my girlfriend because I couldn’t get her off. What the hell kind of friend is that?”

Kevin walked into the room when he heard Nick’s tirade. He knew Brian and AJ wouldn’t be able to stop it.

“Nick calm down. Let Howie go.” Kevin replied calmly. Nick backed away after he punched Howie in the face and gut. Howie fell to the ground, but Kevin caught him and placed him on the couch. “AJ go get some ice. Brian go find Nick and talk to him.”

Both guys left, leaving Howie and Kevin alone. Howie was holding his nose and blood dripped everywhere. Kevin sat next to him giving Howie a few minutes to collect himself.

“Howard, why was Nick beating the shit out of you?” Kevin asked curiously.

“I slept with Emma.” Howie said while pinching his nose.

“You mean Miss Goody Two Shoes cheated on Nick. I knew she was nothing but a money grubbing whore. No one is that sweet and innocent at her age.”

“Fuck off, Kevin. You know nothing about Emma or what is going on. You have no room to talk after the way you’ve been acting.” Howie spat back. He was sick of everyone’s shit. He may be the nice guy of the group, but he could get pissed like everyone else.

“What the hell is going on?” AJ threw an ice pack at Howie and sat down.

“I slept with Emma last night.” Howie repeated again. He was already tired of everyone getting in his business.

“How the hell did that happen?”

“When I got to work last night, she was in the office drinking herself drunk. Emma got in a fight with Nick. I comforted her and one thing led to another.” Howie summarized. There was no reason for him to go into the details. Nick already tried to kill him. He’d be dead if he spilled the truth about the fight.

“What did Nick mean about not getting Emma off?” AJ questioned. Why did he have to remember the specifics of conversations?

“From what she told me, Nick couldn’t make her have an orgasm.” Howie sighed. He knew he signed his death wish.

“Holy fuck balls. Nick is like the pimp daddy of this group. He can’t get his girlfriend off.” AJ cackled. “He must have been lying all these years.”

Kevin joined in on the laughter. Howie gave them both a dirty look.

“It’s not funny. Nick’s going to kick your asses.”

“Were you able to make her cum?”

“That’s none of your business.” Howie got up and walked out. He was disgusted with the whole situation.

“Oh yeah, the Latin Lover strikes again. He does what no man can do.” AJ snickered.

“Damn it’s bad when Nick, the womanizer can’t get a woman off and Howie does.” Kevin commented.

I was lounging on the couch watching a movie when Nick got home from the studio. He went straight upstairs. I knew he wanted nothing to do with me. I couldn’t blame him. I was curious how things went when he saw Howie.

I continued to watch my movie. If Nick wanted to talk, he knew where I was. There was no reason to beg for forgiveness when I saw how pissed he was. Hopefully, he would calm down in a few days and we could discuss our problems like civilized adults.

Nick entered the living room and sat beside me on the couch. He picked up the remote and turned off the television.

“I was watching that.” I complained.

“We need to talk now.” He proclaimed harshly.

“Okay.” I said meekly as a turned to face him.

“I’m so fucking pissed right now. You were the one person I would have never expected to cheat on me.” He looked me straight in the eye. The guilt I was feeling before only intensified.

“Nick.” I placed my hand on his thigh. “I’m sorry. I never planned on it happening.”

“But it did. I thought we had a good relationship. You totally blindsided me last night. What happened to us?”

I thought for a few minutes. I wanted to put it in the kindest way possible. I already hurt Nick in more than one way. I didn’t want to do it again.

“Nick, I love you a lot. You’ve been nothing less than Prince Charming. You treat me better than anyone has. I feel bad for lying to you.”

“You should.” He spit out. “I’ve been honest with you since I met you. I’ve shared pieces of my heart with you that I haven’t shared with anyone. You were the first woman I trusted completely.” Nick confided. His eyes were full of sadness.

“Nick, I know you won’t believe what I have to say, but you were the first guy I trusted to love me. I was always afraid to be in a relationship. You made it easy for me to believe in love.” Tears escaped my eyes. I didn’t know if this was the end of our relationship or us growing stronger in our love.

“Why were you afraid to tell me that I wasn’t pleasing you?” He took my hands in his. His touch gave me chills through my body.

“You were my first. Hell, I’m the thirty-two year old virgin. I felt stupid because I didn’t know what I was doing. I thought that maybe I was trying to hard and not living in the moment.”

“Emma, if you were honest with me I would have been able do things differently. All I wanted to do was make you happy.” Nick inched closer to me. I couldn’t move as his face came an inch within mine. Nick broke the air between when his lips caressed mine. At first I could barely feel it, but within minutes he applied pressure. It was intense and nothing like he had ever kissed me before.

With the force of desire Nick pushed me down against the couch. Seconds later Nick was straddling my body. His hands were in my hair as he kissed down my neck. Chills were going up my spine and my womanhood was warm. Nick was making me feel things with him I never felt before.

“I’m going to make you forget that you ever fucked Howie. I’m going to make your eyeballs fall out from world’s most mind blowing orgasm.” He whispered in my ear and sucked on it.

“MMMMM…..Nick!” I moaned. Before my mind would start working again, Nick had undressed us both. His hands were roaming my body. They moved toward my womanhood. His fingers were doing things I had never imagined, but it had me feeling hot and bothered.

“You like that baby?” He smirked evilly at me. He was acting like an oaf, but it was turning me on. I nodded my head as a bit my bottom lip. No words were able to form in my mouth.

Nick slowly entered me. He was so intense this time. Our lips met and our tongues dueled as Nick thrusted into me over and over. The pleasure I was feeling with Nick was pure ecstasy. I could feel myself being taken over the edge of insanity. I loved every minute of it. Before I knew it I had a mind blowing orgasm.

“How was that baby?” Nick stared into my eyes. He looked pissed and highly amused.

“Nick, that was…” I could hardly breathe. “Perfect.”

“Good. Don’t ever forget how I can make you feel. Howie can never make you feel the way I do.” His said through gritted teeth. Nick got off me, grabbed his clothes and left the room.

I sat up in shock. What the hell was his problem? Sure he gave me a mind blowing orgasm, but I couldn’t believe he just left me lying naked on the couch. Nick had me pissed. I was even more confused then before.

I grabbed my clothes and started putting them on as the tears fell. I didn’t understand what Nick’s point was except to hurt me. It was like he was jealous that Howie gave me my first orgasm. I think the only reason he made love to me was to piss me off.

I needed to talk to someone. I grabbed my cell phone and called Sage. She would know what to do.

“Hello, Sage speaking.”

“Sage, I’m such a slut.” I cried into the phone.

“Emma. What’s the matter?”

“I cheated on Nick. I slept with Howie.”

“What the hell? Sweet and innocent Emma fucked two Backstreet Boys.” Sage was flabbergasted. “I never saw that one coming.”

“You sound like you’re proud of me.” I sighed. I was embarrassed my actions.

“Emma, I’m just glad you finally had sex. What happened?”

“Sage, I’m the worse girlfriend ever. Nick and I had a fight about sex. Then I slept with Howie.” I didn’t want to get into to much detail. I loved Sage, but I didn’t trust her. I figured I could give her the jist of the situation and she would be able to help.

“It happens. I know you’re devastated. Does Nick know about you sleeping with his friend?”

“Yes. I told him the truth. I feel so bad.”

“I bet his was pissed. By the way who was better?” Sage laughed.

“I’m not going there.” I stated firmly.

“Then I already know the answer.” Sage replied smugly.

“I’ll never tell you. I feel so bad for hurting Nick.”

“It was a mistake. If he loves you he’ll get over it. If not, you can go after Howard.  Since he’s the best sex you ever had.”

“I never said that.” I squeaked into the phone. I could feel my face getting flushed at her comment. Thank goodness Sage couldn’t see me. “You are no help. I’ll talk to you later.”

I snapped my phone shut and threw it on the table. I stared at the ceiling in frustration and anger.

It had been a few days since I saw Howie and  we slept together. I was nervous about seeing him again. For one, I didn’t know if he even wanted me working at the club. Second, maybe I was just an easy lay for him. I couldn’t get him out of my mind. He built up a desire in me that I wanted to feel again.

After Nick and I had sex the other night, I was feeling like a whore. He wouldn’t even talk to me. I knew that he was upset, but what he did was uncalled for.  I was furious with the way he treated me. I felt dirty and used. I loved Nick a lot, but right now I didn’t like him.

I walked into the office wishing that Howie wouldn’t be there yet, but at the same time I wish he would be there. I hated being so wishy washy. It wasn’t like me to be that way. I was always in control of my feelings and emotions. Now I was a basket case.

“No problem. I’ll see you shortly.” Howie hung up the phone. “Good morning Emma.”

“Hey Howie.” I whispered. I didn’t know what to say to him.

“How are things with Nick?” He stood up and walked over to me.

“Not good.”

Howie pulled me into his arms. I liked the way he held me close to him. My brain was getting fuzzy at the smell of his cologne. He rubbed the small of my back, and I started to relax.

“Is he being a jerk?”

“Yes. He won’t talk to me.” I looked up at him. His lips brushed mine. It wasn’t a kiss of passion; it was more like a kiss telling me everything was going to be okay. Being in Howie’s arms I felt safe.

“I’m sorry Emma. I didn’t…hell I don’t know what to say.” He smiled at me. I had never seen Howie so flustered. “I don’t want you mad at me.”

“Why would I be mad at you?”

“I feel like all of this is my fault. It hurts me to see Nick treating you this way.”

“Howie, stop blaming yourself. It’s just as much my fault, and Nick isn’t entirely innocent.” I was getting frustrated. Nothing was going as planned in my life. This whole situation was a mess I didn’t know how to fix. “There’s more to the situation. What happened at rehearsal the other day?”

“Nick was pissed and punched me. I deserved it. The rest of the guys know.” He answered quietly. He took a seat on the couch. I sat next to him.

“AJ and Kevin already hate me, so they are probably enjoying this. I’m sure Brian was disgusted by the type of woman I am. Maybe I should go back to L.A.”

“Who cares what anyone else thinks. They don’t know everything. You need to make yourself happy.” Howie caressed by hand. His touch gave me shivers.

“If I make myself happy, no one else would be. There’s no way it would work.” How could I be in love with two guys? I wanted to be with Nick and Howie. It would never work. Deep down I knew I would have to choose one over the other. At this point I couldn’t.

“What would make you happy?” He asked thoughtfully. I looked at him for a moment before I answered.

“I want to be with both of you. I love Nick, but I love you, too.” I answered honestly. Tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. I was going to remain strong and not cry.

“Why can’t you be with both of us?” I stared at Howie. Who was he kidding? He stared back at me. The desire in his eyes was too much.

“I don’t think Nick would share. After a while I don’t think you would share. I would be a slut.”

“Emma, don’t ever use that word to describe yourself.” He raised his voice. “You are not a slut. Maybe you should break up with Nick. Then you can date both of us and decide who you truly want.”

“So you wouldn’t be mad if I had sex with Nick?” I questioned Howie. I wasn’t sure of his idea.

“I wouldn’t be thrilled, but I know that is a problem between you.”

“Umm, not so much.”

“What does that mean?” Howie looked confused. If he wanted the truth, I was going to give it to him.

“When Nick came home from rehearsal the other night. We sort of talked and it led to sex. He was able to you know.”

“So he finally got you off. I should go congratulate him.” Howie commented bitterly.

“Howie, you sound jealous.” I stood up and went to the mini fridge. My throat was dry and I needed some water.

“Why would I be jealous?” He was right behind me. Howie placed his body against mine. I could feel his erection and his lips moving up my neck. What was he trying to pull?

“You tell me.” I barely got the words out. His tongue was doing things to me that rendered me speechless.

Slowly he turned around to face me. His hands moved to my breasts. He gently thumbed my nipples through my thin cotton shirt. I placed my lips on him. Time stood still as we continued to make out in the office. We didn’t care if the staff was working ten feet away from us. All we wanted was each other.

“Excuse me.” A female voice appeared out of no where. Slowly we broke apart and saw Leighanne Littrell standing inside the office.

“Hello, Leighanne. What brings you here?” Howie said politely, even though he was annoyed at being interrupted.

“Hello, Howard. I need to have a conversation with Emma.” Leighanne gave him a look of disappointment.

“That is fine. Emma take a couple of hours and have lunch with Leighanne.”

“Are you sure? I just started working.”

“It’s fine. Take all the time you want. I’ll leave you a list of what needs done. I have recording later this afternoon. Enjoy your time with Leighanne.” He smiled at me as he shooed us away. Leighanne rolled her eyes and pushed me out the door. I could tell she wasn’t please with what was going on. It pissed me off because she wasn’t even my friend.  This was not going to be a lunch I would enjoy.

Leighanne and I settled down at a table in a quiet bistro. We placed our orders and sat there quietly. I had nothing to say to her. My personal life was none of her concern. Just because we went to the spa together once, didn’t mean she was my best friend.

“Well since you aren’t going to talk. I’ll start.” She sipped her water. “I usually don’t put myself in the other guys business, but this is an exception.”

“Why is my relationship any of your concern?” I countered.

“If you are the cause of the group breaking up, you will have to deal with me. I won’t have you ruining my husband’s career.” Leighanne was such a bitch. She was only concerned with her husband’s job.

“I don’t think that will be a problem, but my personal life is none of your concern. That is between Nick and me.” I replied calmly. I wasn’t going to let her get to me.

“What about Howie?” She questioned as our food was brought to the table.

“Leighanne, I don’t feel comfortable discussing my relationship with you.” I took a bite of my salad. “I know you’re concerned about the group, but I would never let them break up because of me.”

“I just worry about Nick’s temper. He really loves you, Emma. I’ve never seen him like this with any other woman.”

“I love him just as much.” Tears threatened to spill from my eyes. “He means so much to me.”

“Then why did you sleep with Howie?” She questioned is disdain. I had a feeling that she wasn’t fond of me.

“It’s hard to explain. There’s just something about him.” I couldn’t explain it to Leighanne. She wouldn’t understand. She’s spent all her time loving Brian.

“Who are you going to choose?” She asked simply. Did she think it was an easy decision? I loved them both.

“I don’t know, Leighanne.” I said rudely. “It’s not as simple as you make it out to be. I care deeply about Nick and Howie.”

“Well you need to choose. I just hope you don’t break Nick’s heart. It would tear him up.” She placed a twenty on the table and walked out.

I was stunned. I couldn’t believe Leighanne had the audacity to just assume I would pick Nick to save her husband’s career. I didn’t want to be put in this spot. I was the only one to blame for this whole situation. I cared about both of them. In my heart I couldn’t pick one over the other.

-------------------------------

Nick was sitting with AJ and Kevin, when Howie walked in the room. He wasn’t sure what to expect, so he came in quietly. Howie was pissed at Nick especially after talking to Emma. He wasn’t in the mood to get into a fight with him.

“Hey Howie. What’s up?” AJ snickered. He just glared back knowing they were talking about him.

“What’s got you all pissed off today?” Kevin asked.

“None of your business. Let’s just get the recording started.” Howie walked away towards the sound booth.

“Prick.” Nick commented. “I guess he didn’t get any from Emma. After I rocked her world the other night, she won’t be going back to him.”

“Did you finally get her off?” Kevin questioned. He thought Emma was a dried up prude. What Nick or Howie saw in her, he had no idea? Sure she was pretty, but plain and ordinary.

“Hell yeah and she liked it.” Nick smirked. “No way she’ll be banging the Latin Lover again.”

Howie could hear the conversation and was pissed. He couldn’t believe Nick was talking about Emma that way. It was like she was just a piece of ass to him, instead of the woman he supposedly loved.

“You fucking asshole. How dare you talk about Emma like that?” Howie yelled.

“You’re just jealous because you’re not the only guy to make her cum.” Nick snarled. He was sick of Howie’s calm attitude.

“Nick this is the time or place to be talking about Emma. If you love her as much as you claim you do, you wouldn’t be talking shit on her.”

“I’m not talking shit on her. I’m talking shit on your ugly ass. You messed with the wrong guy. I won’t have you taking my girlfriend.” Nick stood up towering over Howie.

“I think that’s for her to decide. I’m not sure she would pick you with the way you’re acting now. You should be ashamed. Emma is a classy woman who deserved to be treated that way.” Howie moved closer to Nick.

“Guys cut it out.” Brian said entering the room. “Let’s act like grownups.”

Howie backed away and leaned against the wall. Nick sat back down. Things were getting out of control.

“Let’s just get this over with it.” Howie said and entered the sound booth. Brian and Nick followed behind him

“Holy shit! I’ve never see D so upset. He must really like Emma. That or she’s really a great fuck.” AJ commented.

“Nick will kick his ass. No one messes with his woman and gets away with it.” Kevin stood up.

“I don’t think this is going to end well.” Brian was worried. He had never seen Howie act this way about a woman. Nick seemed like he was going back to his old way. Brian liked Emma, but he didn’t like the fact that she was messing with the group. No matter whom she chose it wasn’t going to turn out pretty. Someone was going to lose. Brian worried that this would end a great bond between his friends.

When Nick arrived home, I was sitting in the kitchen reading a cookbook. It had been a long day with work and dealing with Leighanne.  Nick entered the kitchen and got himself a glass of juice from the refrigerator.

“Nick are you ever going to talk to me?”  I asked quietly. I didn’t get a response from Nick, so I tried again. “Why won’t you talk to me?”

“Do you really have to ask me that?” He set his glass down and leaned against the fridge.

“I know you’re mad at me, but we need to talk about it. I’m sorry I slept with him.” I truly meant what I said. I was sorry that I cheated on him.

“But you enjoyed it?” He cackled. My face grew red. “See you can’t deny that you like him inside you. It shows all over your face.”

“Fine, I’ll admit I enjoyed it.” I said calmly. It hurt for me to say that to him, but I wanted to be honest. I stood up and moved closer to him.

“And to think I thought you were just an innocent, naïve, little virgin when we met. Did you lie about that?”

“Nick, everything I’ve ever told you has been the truth. You can choose to think what you want. I care about you a lot.”

“You care about me? I find that hard to believe. How does screwing my friend show me you care about me?”

“You act like I did it on purpose.” I yelled.

“I don’t know. Maybe it was your plan the whole time. I don’t know what to believe.” Nick looked at me with disdain.

“Nick, this is never going to work if we can’t talk like rational adults. It’s like we’re talking in circles. What do you want from me?”

Nick moved further into the kitchen. He opened the cupboard getting out a box of cereal and a bowl. He got out the milk and made himself a snack. I guess it was easier for him to ignore me than actually work on our relationship. I had enough and decided to go to bed.

--------------------------

I tossed and turned, sleep was evading me. I looked at the clock and it was four o’clock. There was no way I was going to be able to function enough to work. I grabbed my cell phone and sent Howie a quick text message.

A few minutes later my phone was ringing. I looked at the caller id. It was Howie. With some hesitation I answered it.

“Hello, Howie.” I whispered.

“What’s wrong sweetheart? What’s bothering you?” He said genuinely. His kindness was always apparent. I liked that about him.

“Everything. I’m tired because I haven’t slept all night.”

“Is it Nick?”

“Of course. I try to get him to talk and he just acts like an ass.” I sat up in bed.

“He’s hurt. Nick doesn’t handle things well. As much as it annoys you, give him time. When he’s ready he’ll talk.”

“Howie?” I took a breath. “How can you be so understanding about all of this? I don’t get it.”

“What choice do I have? I can’t do anything but support you. When Nick gets his head out of his ass, then I may not be so understanding.”

“Howie, how do you want this to turn out?” I got out of bed and made my way downstairs.

“In a perfect world I want to be with you exclusively. I want the house with the white picket fence, and two kids that look just like you.”

“Oh Howie. Really?” I smiled. He was being so sweet and it made my heart melt. The next thing I know my phone is being pulled away from my hand.

“She’ll call you later Howard, after I make her scream my name over and over.” Nick clicked the phone off and threw it across the room. It hit the wall and shattered into a million pieces.

“What do you thinking you are doing?” I cried. I couldn’t believe he had just broken my phone.

“I can’t believe you’re talking to him while you’re in my house. That’s fucking whacked.” He grabbed my arm forcefully.

“Get the hell off of me.” I wriggled free from him. “I was calling off work because I haven’t been to sleep yet tonight. You want to know why I haven’t slept yet. It’s because of you.”

“Well, you’re the reason I can’t sleep.” He mumbled under his breath. He walked over to a chair and sat down.

“Instead of fighting, let’s work it out. I’m tired of getting the cold shoulder from you. This lack of communication is killing me.” I sat on the floor with my chin on my knees.

“I want to talk, but every time I think of you with Howie, I want to attack something. I want to throw things. I feel a rage I never felt before.” He admitted.

“Nick, you can’t hold that in. It’s not healthy.” I said in concern. I don’t think Nick would hurt anyone, but I wasn’t entirely sure. His temper had really come out in the past few days.

“I know. Emma, I trusted you. I think more than any other woman I’ve dated. When you broke that trust I was devastated.” He was making me feel even guiltier than I was already feeling.

“I certainly didn’t mean to do it. I’ve always had to be strong in every situation I’ve been in. I never let anyone see me be weak. After our fight I was angry and sad. Not being able to have an orgasm was making me feel inadequate. You’ve been with so many women and I was like a high school girl.”

“That doesn’t excuse what you did.” He countered.

“I know that. I’m just trying to tell you how I feel. In a moment of weakness I slept with Howie. He was able to make me feel better about myself and about being inexperienced. It was what I thought I needed at the moment. I made a mistake.”

“Yes, you did. If you were honest with me from the beginning none of this would have happened. I think that’s what hurts me the most.” Nick moved to the floor and sat in front of me.

“Where does that leave us?” I asked unsurely.

“I want to be with you. I might be angry, but I love you.”

“I love you, too. Nick since we are being honest. I’m developing feelings for Howie.” The pained look on his face was killing me. I knew he didn’t want to hear it, but I had to tell him.

“So what do we do?”

“I think we need to...to…take a break for a while.” I started to cry. “That way I can date both of you.”

“Wow! I never thought I’d hear that from you. If that’s what you got to do to figure things out, I’m not going to stop you. I don’t like that fact that you’ll be with Howie, but I understand it.”

“Thank you. I’m going to look for an apartment today. It wouldn’t be fair for me to live here with you.”

“I understand.” His placed a kiss on my lips. It was brief, but full of emotion. He got up and left me with my thoughts.  Was I doing the right thing?