"This is gonna be so cool!!" Nick crowed, flinging his bag onto the floor as we boarded the brand spankin' new tour bus for the first time. It smelled like New Car Scent still and the sink faucets sparkled. Nick flung himself onto the padded seats that lined either side of the bus. "God this is fucking awesome, ain't it awesome Bri?"

"Language," I muttered, but only half heartedly because it was fucking awesome, actually.

"I can't believe I'm finally going on tour without my mom," Nick almost squealed. He stretched the full length of his quickly-becoming-too-freaking-tall body across the couch-like seats and sighed happily, "Aw man we're gonna have so much fun dude, we can have like parties and chicks over and alcohol and..."

"Um excuse me I'm sorry, alcohol?" I glared at him.

Nick smiled innocently, "Awe, loosen up BRok! We're popstars! We're supposed to be a little bad. God'll forgive ya." He laughed.

"I'm not so much worried about God forgiving me as I am about Leighanne forgiving me," I answered, smiling at the mere thought of my busty woman-friend. She had gorgeous blonde hair, like silk, and brilliantly sparkly eyes and a voice like --

"Don't start the woman stuff," Nick groaned, "Please. C'mon dude we supposed to be havin' fun, not obsessing over some girlfriend back home..." Nick rolled up and sat on the edge of his seat. "I wanna have fun," he complained. He grabbed the strap of his bag and pulled it to him and unzipped it, pulling out a ding dong. "You want?" he asked, offering one up to me. I shook my head. "Seriously Bri," he said, continuing his train of thought as he opened the cellophane, "Remember the good ol' times?" he asked, sounding aged beyond his 18 years.

I raised my eyebrows, "When you were in diapers and learning how to say 'dada' you mean?" I teased him.

"Oh shut up," Nick laughed, "I'm legal now, ya know? I want me some chicks! AJ says that's the best part of being a pop star is alla the sex..." Nick rubbed his hands together, "Brian I wanna get sex this tour!"

I rolled my eyes, "AJ's such a pervert."

Nick laughed, "AJ... is my hero."

"That's scary," I replied, snorting. "Don't follow AJ, kid, he's gonna lead you some crazy-ass places..." I hoisted my bag onto my shoulder again and hauled it off down the bus towards the bunks.

"Don't go all prudey on me!" Nick yelled as I banged the door separating the main room from the bunk area shut and dropped my bag onto the floor, "We gonna have a good time, if it kills ya!"

"And it probably will!" I called back with a laugh. Nick elbowed the door open and hauled his huge ass bag into the room, dragging it by the straps. "What the hell did you pack anyways, Nicky?" I asked, looking down at the bulky bag.

"Y'know," Nick answered, "The essentials... Nintendo, my games, twinkies, ding dongs, Superman comic books, GI Joe - SAVES THE DAY AGAIIIN," he winked, "CDs, some tapes, my walkman, my notebook..."

"...Clothing?" I asked.

"My mom's got that bag," he said. "OHH yeah -- my mom." He dropped the straps and bolted back out of the room.

I looked at my two duffles that were both smaller combined than Nick's one bag. "You have more than one bag?" I cried, running after him. "What are you, a woman?"

"Shut up, I have to have this shit, its important."

"Oh yes, the world ends without Nintendo."

"Well someone's gotta save Princess Peach!" he exclaimed as we jumped off the bottom two steps of the bus and stepped into the sunlight of the parking lot in front of Lou's warehouse. Nick's mom, Jane, was just pulling two suitcases out of the back of the Carter Family van. Aaron was standing forlornly beside her and staring at the bus with wide eyes. Angel sat in the car reading a Nancy Drew book and Leslie was bored in the passenger seat, staring down at a doodle pad she was sketching on.

Nick leaned in the passenger door, "Bye Les," he said.

"Mhm," she answered.

"Aw come on, I'll be home for Thanksgiving," Nick promised, smiling.

Aaron ran to Nick and reattached himself to his side the way he'd been attached to Jane's. "I MISS YOU BROTHER!" Aaron cried loudly.

Nick smiled and patted his little brother like he was a dog.

Jane handed Nick the two suitcases, "Be good," she commanded. "No staying out late, no drinking, no drugs, no girls," she added meaningfully, staring at her son, "Remember that talk we had --"

"Ew mom, stop it," Nick whined.

"Fine. But remember," she snapped. Jane sighed heavily. "Have fun," she added finally, then she hugged him. Nick rolled his eyes. I took one of the suitcases and tried to pull it toward the bus, but it wouldn't budge. Nick was such a woman.

"Bye mom," Nick said a little too eagerly.

Jane's eyes welled up. "Bye, Nicky," she answered.

Nick pulled away, grabbed the other suitcase and grunted as he hauled it towards the bus. I abandoned mine straight up. He could get the damn boulder himself if he thought he could budge it...

"Oh Nicky!" Jane called as we were reaching the tour bus door and she was about to climb into the driver's seat. "Did you pack enough panties?"

Nick's face turned scarlet red. "Mo-ooohm," he wailed, "They're called boxers and yes! I did. Do we hafta discuss my underwear though ma?" he asked.

Jane smiled, "Be. Good."

Nick grinned. "When aren't I good?" he asked.

Jane's smile wore a little bit, and she waved good bye and climbed into the car. I looked at Nick. "That's a loaded question," I mumbled as he wheezed and started pushing to try to get the suitcase up the bus steps.

**********

I watched as Bri carefully unpacked his suitcase. The bus was rolling merrily towards wherever we were performing next. I didn't keep track anymore.

"I don't know why you unpack," I said. "You can just reach in your bag and pull something out."

Bri gave me a look. "Leigh says its easier to color coordinate if you can see everything."

I rolled my eyes. There was a time in the not so distant past where Bri didn't even know what color coordination was. He lived in golf shorts and random t-shirts. Now he was so...so...

Whipped.

I didn't care for this new girl. I liked Bri when he was single on the prowl. Like me. I had put up a good front with Bri with my line about AJ saying that the best part of being a pop star was the sex. I don't like to brag or anything, but I already knew that first hand.

But now I was eighteen. I was ready to GET. IT. ON. Nightly preferrably.

When Bri had emptied his bag he came out and sprawled next to me. He eyed the bag of Cheetos sitting on my lap.

"May I?" he asked.

"May you what?" I asked. I took another orange coated stick and jammed it in my mouth.

"Wanna share those?"

I grinned. "What? You didn't pack munchies?" I teased. "Do I recall someone making fun of my luggage?"

Bri's nostrils flared. I had brought a bag of marshmallows just for a nose experiment I was dying to do.

"I'm sorry. My mommy doesn't pack for me anymore."

I scowled. So what if my mom packed for me? I was guaranteed not to starve. My clothes were clean. The world was good.

"Ya'know," I said as I passed him the bag. "We're lucky that we got the two-person bus. Just think about it. Frick n' Frack together. Two wild and crazy guys."

Bri cracked a corn-cob grin. All those Kentucky guys had this lop-sided smile.

"I do crazy, but I dunno about wild," he said. He stuck his hand in the bag and pulled out a handful of Cheetos. He was wearing his Kentucky cap backwards; he leaned forward to eat. It was a weird habit of his.

"C'mon. You and me...crazy drunken nights. Fun stories to tell in the morning," I chided. Bri gave me a look.

"Drunken nights? You're eighteen, Nickers."

Ugh. I hated when the guys called me Nickers.

"Yeah, but in some countries that's the legal drinking age," I argued.

"Not in this country," Bri said.

I waved my hand. "You're being too literal about the whole thing."

Bri snorted. It wasn't hard to do; he could shove a lot of air up his nose. I don't know why I was so obsessed with his nose; it was like a wonder of the world. Would it be the 8th? 9th? I didn't know. I sucked at Geometry. Or was that Geography? Damnit...

"So, how about we--" Bri began to say. I heard a loud, obnoxious midi tone playing. Bri jumped up like his pants were on fire and dove towards the bunks.

"What? What?!" I asked. I half got up before I changed my mind. I sat down and dug my hand in the Cheetos again.

"It's Leigh," Bri said. His voice was so high it almost sounded like he was going to pee his pants. I rolled my eyes. For as much as Bri said they were 'just friends,' it was beginning to seem a lot more serious than that. My best friend was changing and NOT for the better. Whatever that girl said was like gospel to him. Leighanne Wallace was trouble...

With a capital T.

Chapter 2

"Hi Leighanne," I murmured dreamily into the phone. Her voice was like a hypnotic drug of some sort and I, Brian Thomas Littrell, was addicted. I held the phone as close to my ear as I could, like holding it closer made her closer.

"Hey Brian," she said, a smile in her voice. God she sounds so.. soo...RAWR. Yes, RAWR was the only descriptive ...er, noise?... I could think of for her. "How's tour so far?" she asked.

"Well, you know..." I answered, scuffing my foot along the carpet, and grinning down at my toes, "Just got on the bus... Sharing with Nickers..."

CRUNCH. CRUNCH. CRUNCH.

I looked up as Nick came in the little hall by the bunks where I was standing, carrying his Cheetos and chewing loudly. He had orange powder all over his hands. He opened his bunk's curtain and powder stuck to the fabric and rained down like orange snow to the ground. He rubbed his hand on his chest, leaving a big streak of orange on his green shirt.

"OOPS," he said, his voice loud.

I waved at him to shut up, and he went to the bathroom, banging the doors behind him as he went. Consequently, I didn't hear something Leighanne said.

"What was that? I'm sorry, Nick's being loud," I apologized.

"I asked if you miss me yet," she laughed.

I smiled, "Depends," I answered. "Do you miss me yet?"

"Ohhh of course I do," she replied sweetly. "I miss hugging you and kissing you and --"

"Brian do we have paper towels?" Nick asked. I waved him away again.

"---and spending time with you and talking with you and--"

"BRI-AAAAN," Nick whined, "I need paper towels, my shirrrrt's gonna get wrecked and - it's - it's my favorite shirt."

"Hold on a second, Leigh," I said, covering the phone's mouth piece. "Nick that is not your favorite shirt," I said, "That ugly ass stripey one with the yellow and orange is your favorite."

Nick pouted, "This is my other favorite shirt."

"Uh huh. Look, can't you just look for the paper towels? Or use toilet paper."

"Do I look like a giant turd to you? Why the hell would I use TP?" He rolled his eyes and evacuated from the bunk area.

I sighed and turned back to the phone. "I'm sorry. This is Nick's first tour with out mommy and I'm apparently his surrogate."

Leighanne laughed, "Awe, you're a good daddy."

I beamed, "Yeah? You think so?"

"BRIAN!" Nick yelled from the other room. "BRIAN I HAVE A PROBLEM!"

I sighed, "Leighanne, I'm really sorry, I gotta go before he has a coronary over here... I'll call you tonight, okay?"

After I hung up with Leigh, I headed into the bathroom to see what Nick's issue was. Nick looked up, his long, girly hair falling across his eyes, as I walked into the bathroom. He had pulled his shirt off and thrown it into the sink, which was full of water. Water had splashed every where. He grinned at me. "Hey," he said in a cheesy voice.

"Nick..what the hell did you do?" I demanded, aghast at the spillage.

Nick frowned, "Don't go all my-mom on me," he whined, "I didn't mean to do it."

"I didn't say you meant to," I answered. "Just... What the hell happened in here?!?"


*********************

The great Cheeto plan of 1998 had worked. By using the bus sink as a washing machine, I had gotten Bri off the phone.

"Just... What the hell happened in here?!?"

I made my eyes as wide as I could and ran a soggy hand through my hair. Someday I was going to insure my hair for a million dollars. Seriously.

"I got Cheeto dust on my shirt and no one would help me, so I tried to wash my shirt in the sink."

Brian's sneakers made a funny squishing noise. "You're flooding the bathroom, Nick!"

I knew that, but I didn't want him to know that I knew that. You know? I fumbled with the handles. "Um..hm...yeah."

Bri reached over and turned them the proper way. I scratched my stomach. All this work was making me hungry. I started for the kitchen, but Bri pulled me back.

"Where are you going?"

"To get something to eat!"

"Look at this mess!"

I waved my hand. "It's only water. Water evaporates," I said. I was real proud that I remembered that. I was like Nick Nye, the Sexy Science Guy!

"The Atlantic Ocean will not evaporate!" Bri said. He pulled out a towel, went down on his hands and knees, and started sopping up the mess.

I had never seen him so domestic before. That was kinda Howie's domain. And Kev's. AJ, Bri, and I were the messy ones.

After a few minutes, I felt kinda bad watching him do all the work. So, I turned and headed into the kitchen.

When Bri finally came out of the bathroom, his blue shirt was sticking to his chest and his pants had blotches in the most perfect places. I looked up from my bowl of mac and cheese and started laughing.

"What's so funny?" he asked. I pointed my fork in his direction. A few little cheese noodles fell on the floor. I looked at them, shrugged and looked back at him.

"Your pants are wet."

Bri looked down and sighed. "They'll dry."

I grinned. I felt the bus slowing down; we were probably stopping for dinner. Sweet.

"You know why they'll dry?" I asked. Bri bent down and picked up the noodles I dropped.

"Why, Nick?" he asked. He was using the same voice my mom sometimes used when she talked to me. What's up with that?

"Because, I TOLD you! Water EVAPORATES!"

Bri didn't answer. I glanced at the window. It was like Christmas.

"We're stoppin' at McDonald's! We're stopping at McDonald's!" I shouted.

From the other bus, I could see AJ's face plastered to the window with the same smile. We saw each other and waved.

Bri practically jumped out of the moving bus. I wasn't far behind; I mean, it was McDonald's.

"What happened to you?" Kev asked. I looked up at him. AJ ran over and jumped on me. We galloped around the two cousins. Howie was still over by the busses. He had stopped a cute girl and was trying his Latino charm. Kev swatted at me each time I ran around.

"GUYS KNOCK IT OFF!" he finally yelled. He turned back to Bri.

"What happened to you?"

"Nick tried to use the sink as a washing machine," Bri explained.

"Dude," AJ said. He slid off my back. "You don't use the sink. You use the shower."

I smacked my forehead. "I knew it was one of those two..."

"Alex, if you even think about washing your clothes in the shower, I'm going to call your mom so fast..."

AJ's eyes widened. It didn't matter that he was two years older than me. Momma Denise was like a hawk. She had been on tour with us until like six months ago.

J was SUCH a momma's boy.

Of course, all thoughts about moms and washing machines disappeared when we walked through the doors of the magical golden arches. I smelled Big Macs. Fries. I saw two hot girls wearing little skirts. And a Play Area with big crawly tubes.

Fries, skirts, short tubes, and panties...

My mouth watered. SCORE!

Chapter Three

"Where the shit is Nick?" Kevin looked around the McDonalds restaurant (is that what they call it?) trying to spot him. "He isn't by the ketchup dispensers." See, Nick had used the classic bait-and-switch on Kevin. I knew the play well.

"He's in the Playland," I answered, swiffering up the salt on my tray with a french fry. I freaking adore salt. I put it on everything. My mom always said I shouldn't 'cos I had heart trouble when I was a boy, but salt is like one of the best flavors in the known world. I shoved the fry in my mouth as Kevin's eyes grew beady.

"He said he was getting ketchup," Kevin muttered, getting pissed. The Evil Brow was undulating on his forehead, big and furry like a monster from Lochness. I grinned up at him, trying to remind him it wasn't me who he was pissed at. It was Nick. Kevin grumbled and nudged Howie, who slid out of the booth to free Kevin, and he headed over to the ketchup station.

See, the Bait and Switch works like this: When Kevin disapproves of an activity we want to do and we know he'll say 'no' if we tell him that's what we're gonna do, we claim we're going to do something he wants us to do - i.e., get his ketchup, clean the bathroom for him, you know, stuff for him - and then we get ""distracted"" and end up doing what we want to do and apologize and make it sound like we're remorseful later, when he says he's "very disappointed in us".

Bait: thing Kevin wants.
Switch: thing we want.

Works every time. And it just so happened Nick was a pro at it. With his ADHD, he could use the excuse of a medical ailment to say that he was distracted and didn't mean to be. Plus he's got freaking killer puppy eyes that nobody, not even Kevin, can resist.

AJ glanced at Playland. "I wanna go to Playland," he murmured. He glanced at Kevin over at the ketchup station. "Think I could bait and switch for napkins?"

"I have a feeling Kev's on to us after this," I answered.

AJ frowned and stared longingly in the direction of Playland. "I bet he has those two girls over there, too," he added.

I rolled my eyes. Then, it struck me.

"Girls! Aw man, I told Leighanne I'd call her back, I completely forgot with all the stupid water everywhere..." I reached for the cell phone and stared at it.

AJ raised his eyebrows. "Cell phones are so weird," he muttered. He reached over and plucked the lid bun off my sandwich and stole my pickle. He grinned as he chucked it into his mouth.

"What's weird about them?" Asked Howie, who'd had one longer than I had and still hadn't figured out how to use it.

AJ shrugged, "They'll never last," he said, "Cos like you're walking along shopping or whatever right and you meet a couple hot babes and you're about to bring'em home and sex-'em-up, and suddenly --" here he mimicked the noise of an annoying midi ringtone, "-- 'oh hi MOM." He slid a finger across his throat, then made his fingers walk across the table, "And those ladies are history."

I fumbled with the antennae and the buttons.

Kevin came back and nudged Howie, who slid back out to let Kevin in and then slid back in himself. Kevin started handing out the little thimble-sized containers of ketchup. "I can't believe Nick abandoned a Big Mac," he muttered, placing a ketchup next to Nick's fries on his abandoned tray.

"Oh he'll be back for it," AJ said, "Unless he gets to eat something better than burger..."

Kevin looked at AJ. "What?"

AJ flushed bright red. "Did you get napkins? Oh shit you forgot napkins. I'm gonna go get napkins." He slid out of the booth, stuck his tongue out of me, and bounded off - to Playland.

Kevin stretched his neck to look at my phone. "Who you calling?"

"Leighanne," Howie said in a teasing voice.

Kevin smiled, "You really like her, huh?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded back. "I'm working on writing her a song," I added. "I'm trying to think of something that rhymes with one that I can use," I explained, "I'm stuck on that part."

Kevin leaned back, "One, huh? Hmm..." he stroked his chin. "One... Bun, hun, fun..."

"Like I said, I'm working on it."

Suddenly AJ came running back from Playland - but, as a nice touch to keep Bait & Switch a secret, he'd also grabbed a fistful of napkins on the way back, which he was now waving energetically around. "Guys! Guys. You've got to come see this."

**********

Blonde and red-blondie were keeping my mind off of Big Macs. I had pulled the bait & switch on Kev and told him I was getting ketchup. Instead, I welcomed myself to the girls' table. They told me their names, but I was horrible with names. Legs 1 and Legs 2 worked just fine. It only took me seven minutes to talk them into going into the Playland with me.

"I'll chase you," I said sweetly. I pointed to the tubes. Red-blondie, aka Legs 2, giggled.

"We're too old," Legs 1 said with a teasingly smile. "Aren't you?"

I leaned my hand against the pink tinted tube. "Oh, I'm big," I said. "And I'm not done growing."

Both of the girls giggled. Legs 1 nudged Legs 2. Legs 2 slipped off her shoes.

"Okay, we'll do it. But give us a head start," she warned.

I smiled sweetly. "Deal."

Five minutes later I was staring up at a thin strip of pink panty in the tube above me. The giggle echoed in the tube as she scampered away.

I wormed my way through a tight-ass tube to see what color Legs 2 had on. She was like a crab, scuttling from tube to tube. I watched in amazement as the girls met at an intersection and slid against one another.

"Holy shit," I said aloud. It reverberated through the tubes. Legs 2 must have heard it because she looked down and started sucking on her finger.

Damnit! Must move faster!

I almost got stuck going around another bend. Legs 1 was clear across the other end of the tubes, but I had met up with Legs 2. She was in a wider tube. She flipped over and sat down.

"Hi," I said. I wiggled my fingers.

"Hi," she said. Her voice was low; sexy. I swallowed hard. The black skirt was hiked up. She had a nice hunk of thigh.

"I caught you," I said. "Do I get a reward?"

She laughed. She spread her legs and I caught a glimpse of pure heaven. She wasn't wearing panties.

"You haven't caught me yet," she said. I was halfway into the wide tube and half into the small ass tube I had squeeed into to get to her. I reached out my hand. My fingers brushed her knees.

"Scoot closer," I whined.

"Nu-uh," she teased.

She moved her legs. Open. Shut. Open. Shut. I pressed my hands down and grunted.

I was stuck.

"Please," I gasped.

She slowly went from sitting to a seductress crawl pose. She crawled forward and lowered her mouth to mine.

I could taste the salt from her fries. I already had a hard on from her peep show.

Hmmm...maybe that was why I was stuck in the tube. I shifted a little. Now that I thought about it, it kinda hurt...

Legs 2 sat back. Legs 1 appeared from the tube connected to the other side.

"He caught you?" she asked. Legs 2 smirked.

"Not quite."

Both the girls looked at me. I about died when Legs 2 started massaging Legs 1's shoulders. Legs 2 tilted her head and kissed Legs 1's neck.

"Please," I begged again. "Oh my god, it's more fun if I can come play," I said.

By this time, I was rocking back and forth in the tube. Must...get to...horny...girls...

"C'mon," Legs 2 said. He can't get it up."

Legs 2 gave me an amazing bare ass shot as she crawled through the tube Legs 1 had just got out of. Legs 1 quickly followed with her pink panties.

"NO! NO! NO!" I shouted. I could see them quickly making their way down. I kicked in frustration.

The piece of tubing I was in broke off of the rest of the set. It had been a round piece sticking out from all the others. I screamed bloody murder as I sailed down to the floor. The minute the tube hit the ground, it rolled right towards the bouncy thingies in the shape of the Hamburglar and Grimace. I saw two pairs of long legs run out of the Playland.

I saw four pairs of jeaned legs walk in.

"See I told you!" AJ said happily.

My forehead hurt. I had bumped it on landing. I got my hands wrapped around the outer sides of the tubes and pulled myself out.

Kevin did not look happy. I didn't care. I needed to get to the girls...

Kev caught the back of my shirt as I tried to run out.

"Back on the bus," he said.

"But--"

"Dude, you have a boner," J pointed out.

"I'm outta here," Howie said. He turned around fast.

"Girls...panties...cootchies..." I whined.

"No, it's nothing. Just Nick. Again."

I focused on the voice by the door. Bri was on his cellphone. He didn't even care about the trama I just had.

That hurt. I saw him laugh.

"You're crazy, Leigh."

I made a face. Leighanne. Again.

My day was getting shitty fast. I had missed the opportunity of the lifetime with those girls. Now Brian was back to 'Leigh-world' all decorated in pink and grossness. To top it off, J was macking on MY Big Mac.

Then there was my pants issue...

"I'll be back," I said. Before Kev could clamp down on me again, I ran to the bathroom.

If I wanted things done right, I was just going to have to do them myself.

Chapter 4

Nick was in a pissy mood after the incident at Micky D's. Good Lord, just thinking about it made me want to laugh, though, I mean the boy was wrapped in a plastic tube like breading on a corn dog. I could still see his lanky legs wagging around trying to free himself. AJ had been right, it had been a can't-miss-it sight.

But Nick hadn't found it humorous at all.

"Those girls were gonna sex me up," he bitched, rubbing a spot on his legs that he insisted was black and blue, but I'm sure hadn't been effected by the Playland stunt at all. "One of them didn't even have panties on," he added meaningfully.

I scrunched up my nose, "Do you really wanna sleep with something that doesn't wear underwear to McDonalds?" I asked him, "God only knows where she's been..."

"Well I know where she hasn't been: my bed. All thanks to Ronald cheap-ass McDonalds. Stingy fucker clown," he shook his head. "Why can't he just make the tube a little sturdier? And a little wider, too, actually, would help some."

"I don't think Ronald planned on people having sex in them," I pointed out.

Nick had been pouting ever since the conversation had ended with the ringing of my cell phone as Leighanne called to wish us good luck on the first show of the tour. I'd giddily run off to tell her more about Nick's escapade into Playland, locking myself into the bathroom so he couldn't hear my descriptions of his fat hinney sticking out of the tube like Winnie the Pooh in Rabbit's hole.

Wow, does that sound perverted now that I'm older.

I was working on finding the right balance of cream and sugar in a cup of tea when Nick spoke for the first time in a couple hours. "Leighanne calls you a lot," he muttered.

I turned around, "Yeah, so?"

He shrugged. "She's controlling," he said.

"Controlling?" I asked, a laugh automatically climbing out of my throat, "She's not controlling, Nick."

"Yeah huh," he nodded enthusiastically and crawled up onto his knees on the seats he'd been sprawled across. "She is. I know. This stuff happens a lot when a dude first hooks up with a girl."

"Excuse me? I'm pretty sure I've had longer relationships with gallons of milk than you've had with women," I said, snorting.

Nick frowned, "So?" he asked, "Just because I haven't had long term relationships doesn't mean I don't know this stuff. I know this stuff. I'm atelligent!"

"IN-telligent," I corrected him. "Ironic which word you screwed up in that sentence, there, Carter," I teased.

Nick frowned, "I just don't wanna see you get hung up to dry, dude," he said. But he settled back, defeated, and started picking at the hem of his shirt.

I turned back to the tea.

"Brian," he mumbled after a few minutes, "You're turning into Kevin."

I laughed again. "What? No I'm not. I.... don't.... talk... like.... this..." I said, speaking slow and annunciating each word and syllable carefully.

"No," Nick said, shaking his head, "It's not that. It's more like... Well, kind of you're a stooge."

"A stooge?" I looked at him, this time in concern. "How am I a stooge?"

"You're all prudey," he said, pouting.

"How the hell am I prudey?"

"Cos -" he said, "A couple months ago, you would've been out in Playland with me, trying to reach those girls the same as I was. Especially when Legs 2 had her cooch in the wind."

"I'm sorry, but cooch? Really?" I asked.

Nick ignored me. "Now you're like all you shouldn't do that shit and telling me I dunno where Legs 2 has been..."

"Did you even know those girls' names?" I asked.

"BRI-AAAAN," Nick whined loudly, "You're missing the point!"

I rolled my eyes, "Nick, I'm almost twenty five, it's time to grow up a little bit, you know?"

"You're only 23," Nick said, frowning, "Stop aging."

"The point is," I said, "I'm not a stooge, I'm just mature."

"Nope," Nick shook his head, "100% blue-blooded stooge." He waved his hand at me. "And you know why you're a stooge?"

"Why?"

"Because Leighanne is controlling you," he emphasized the words. "She's makin' you be a stooge." He nodded.

"Oh Lordy," I rolled my eyes. "Nick, Leighanne is not controlling."

"No? Then lets pick up some girls and get sexed up tonight," he said. "I think I have Legs 1's phone number..." he fished into his pocket and extracted a McDonalds burger wrapper with a phone number written on it in smudged lipstick. He held it up. "I can get her and Legs 2 to come by tonight and..."

"Nick, I'm in a relationship," I said, "I can't do that."

Nick sighed, shook his head, and carefully folded the wrapper and shoved it back into his pants. "See?" he said, pointing at me, "STOOGE."

I took a deep breath and turned away from him, angry. I wasn't a stooge, was I? I mean, I knew how to have fun as much as the next guy, right? Leighanne wasn't controlling. I could do whatever I wanted, couldn't I? I was making a choice here, not falling under the rulership of a dictator.

Right?

But still, Nick's words were stinging me. I didn't want to be like Kevin, all anal and nit-picky and insane. I stirred the tea and took a sip. It needed more sugar. I paused. Dude, I realized, You're drinking tea; now there's adventure for ya. I looked at Nick.

He stared up at me hopefully.

"She's not controlling," I said again.

"Prove it," he dared.

**********

My taunting was wearing Bri down. There wasn't much I could do with Legs 1's number; we were only halfway to our venue and plus she had left me in a tube for crying out loud. But still, I had Brian thinking. That was better than nothing.

Bri took the stick out of his ass for the rest of the night. We played Nintendo until the wee hours of the morning until we both ended up falling asleep on the floor from sheer exhaustion.

When I woke up the next morning, Bri was gone. The busses were stopped. The windows were open and it was hot. I was doing the 'dead man' pose in my boxers in the middle of the floor. I sat up and rubbed the sleep out of my eyes.

That's when I realized there was shit on my face.

Now by shit, I don't mean shit, shit. More like crap that wasn't there when I went to sleep. I scrambled to my feet and headed into the bathroom.

Some asswipe decided to decorate me in the middle of the night. I had a big black Dudley Doo-right mustache and a weird streaky goatee. The goo that I had felt was petroleum jelly.

At least I hoped it was petroleum jelly.

"BRRRRRRRRRRRRR RRRRRIIIIIIIII IIII-AAAAAAAAAANNNNNNN!" I yelled.

I heard snickers from outside. I leaned out the bus window. AJ and Bri were standing outside with huge gloppy donuts. AJ took one look at me and burst into laughter. Bri tried to look innocent, but I knew his work well...

"You're an ass!" I shouted.

"I just needed to de-prune!" Bri shouted back. I slammed the window.

After a luke-warm shower, major face scrubbage, and some scrounging for my favorite shirt, I was finally ready to check out the venue.

And the donuts.

I was in for a MAJOR disappointment .

"Where's the food?"

"You missed it. They just cleaned up," Kev said. I eyed his danish. He was one of those 'boring' donut eaters. He never went for the sprinkles.

I loved sprinkles.

"First J eats my Big Mac," I said sadly. "And now I don't get donuts? I'mma gonna starve." "You won't starve," Kev said. I watched him take a bite.

"I'm a growing boy," I protested.

"Then you should eat decent food, not crap like this," Kev responded. He waggled his donut in front of me and took off.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and walked towards the building. I was contemplating doing an awesome fainting spell just so everyone felt sorry for me (and brought me some damn food) when I saw HER.

The U.S. wasn't near as crazy as overseas even though BSB was finally catching on. Even so, we were starting to get some die-hard fans. The girl I saw looked totally die-hard. She was clinging to a Brian sign. I pegged her for about nineteen or twenty. Great teeth. Blonde hair.

She was perfect. Not only did she look all cutsie, but her dark-haired friend standing right beside her was holding a sign covered in my pictures.

I rubbed my hands together. It was time for a MAJOR frick-n-frack attack. One concert + 2 hot girls = one rocking aftershow bus. I ran towards the side door.

"BRRRRI-AAAANNNN!!!!"

Chapter Five

I didn't want to be a prune. I could do this. I could do this, really. An after-show bus party wasn't a big deal, right? Just because there were two girls, two guys, and some booze Nick talked me into buying didn't mean anything had to happen.

And poker's a safe enough game.

Right?

Nick poured Groupie #1, whose name was Jessie and thought Nick was super, like, hot another drink. "Do you want more to drink B?" he asked me, holding up the bottle. I shook my head. I was clinging to my cards like they were a life raft. Nick frowned. "Loosen up." He refilled my cup. I stared at it.

Well it'd be silly to waste it, right?

"You're so funny!" Groupie #2 snaked her arm around me. I looked at Nick. He smiled. I shimmied away from her. I didn't know her name. I'd purposely not heard her name. Girls tend to think guys are less sexy when they don't know their names, right?

I smiled halfheartedly. "Who's turn is it?"

Nick laughed, "Let's make this interesting."

Oh God.

"I think it's interesting," I said stupidly.

Nick snorted, "Brian you're a prune."

"I'm not a prune."

"OK. So let's play strip poker."

Both of the girls were terrible at Poker. We'd only played like two rounds with chocolate Hershey kisses and I could tell they were the world's worst poker players in the whole entire world. One of them actually threw away a royal flush because the King looked grumpy. I'm not kidding you.

They might as well just take their clothes off now. There was no point to actually playing the game.

"Nick thats not a great idea."

Nick looked at me meaningfully.

I wanted to shout, being a prune and cheating on your girlfriend are two totally different things!!! But I refrained. I didn't wanna hear him start in about what a control freak Leighanne was.

And she'd never know if I was just playing a game with Nick, right? It's not like I was gonna have sex. I definitely wasn't gonna have sex. No way in hell was I having sex.

Nick grinned.

Twenty minutes later, everything was getting a little... fluffy... around the edges.

I grinned stupidly at Kelly - that was Groupie #2's name, I'd found out - and Jessie was asleep, half naked, leaning against Nick's shirtless chest. Kelly had a bra on and not much else. Her breasts were huge. I am a huge breast man. It was an equation that added up to me staring at her chest.

"You have pretty boobies," I said.

Nick whacked my back.

"Ow Nickers," I moaned.

"Dude how much did you drink?" he laughed.

"How much did you pour me?" I laughed back. "Hey there's like four Nicks... That's funny." I tapped Kelly - right on her boob - "Do you see four Nicks?"

Kelly looked at her boob, then at me, then at Nick. "No."

"Aw man I'm -- drunk." I whispered the last word.

Nick snorted. "Hey Brian, you're funny."

Jessie hiccuped.

The bus door opened and a rush of cool night air wafted up into my face. I blinked up towards it. "Helllloooo," I yelled, "Be careful coming in here, we're partially nude!" I giggled in spite of myself. My tank top and boxers and knee high socks were a sight to see. Nick and I were most definitely the most dressed in the crowd. I was kinda chilly.

Kevin was suddenly standing in front of us, hands on his hips. "What exactly is going on here?" he asked.

My stomach was turning riotously. I looked at Kelly. "Is your tummy achin'?" I asked. I laughed "Achin'... bacon... I should write a song about this." I smiled.

Kelly was transfixed by Angry Kevin and his Evil Eyebrow, though.

Nick was staring up at Kevin, too. I looked up at him just because I didn't wanna be the only one not looking at him. "Kev we were just playin a game and-" started Nick.

Kevin held up his hand to silence him. "Brian, what's going on?"

"I- I-" Vomit suddenly travelled up my throat, though and I lurched forward instead of answering and lost my dinner and all the booze Nick had snuck into me all over Kevin's feet.

**********

Half of my plan had worked really well. Brian was in love with blondie's boobies and drunk. Drunk Brian was fun Brian. The other half of my plan wasn't working so well. Raven girl was passed out against me. I couldn't get busy with a girl who wasn't conscience. Then there was Kevin bursting in like he owned the place. And now Brian had just thrown up all over Kev's feet.

"ENOUGH!" Kev yelled. I guess spew all over his new shoes was the last straw. Big-boobed blondie jumped up and grabbed her clothes. Kev slid out of his shoes. Brian looked horrified. He was holding his stomach like it was going to fall out. Raven was drooling on my shoulder.

"Darlin', do you have a safe ride home?" Kev asked in mock-calm. I guess he didn't want to go all 'Incredible Hulk' on us in front of witnesses.

"Y-yes sir," she said. Once she was dressed she started dressing Raven-girl.

Kev stared us down. He helped get my drunk girl off the bus.

"DON'T. GO. ANYWHERE." he said.

He disappeared off the bus and took all the fun with him.

"I threw up on Kev's shoes," Brian whispered. "There's like four friggin' pairs of shoes. That's a lot of puke."

"Why?" I asked. "Why are you seeing four of everything?"

Bri leaned back. He was wearing basketball shorts. He stared down them and started to giggle.

I didn't want to ask; something told me he was seeing four Littrell-lets or whatever the hell he wanted to call his junk.

"There's a lot to go around ya'all," he said.

"Bri, Kev took the girls away."

He looked back up. "What?" He poked the air beside him as if boobs were going to magically reappear. "AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO."

Bri leaned forward again. I scooted back. Way back. There was no way I wanted to get puked on.

The sound of a heavy hand hitting the bus door made me jump. Kev and his accompanying pseduo uni-brow came back on board.

"Nick, paper towels. Brian, bathroom," he commanded.

I jumped up, but Bri was a little slower. He went to stand up and fell flat on his ass. He started laughing. Kev yanked him up.

"Can you help me write Achin' Bacon?" Bri asked. Kev's lips were almost white he was pressing them so tightly together. I stood there holding the paper towels, praying I wasn't going to get an arm ripped off in the process. Brian was laying on the Southern accent like gravy. I heard water start to run and then Kev was in front of me.

"What's the legal drinking age?" he barked.

"It depends--" I said.

"NICK!"

"What? Brian bought it!"

Kev jabbed me in the chest with the towels. "You're screwing up fast, Nick. I won't feel bad calling your mom."

I scowled. "Just 'cuz you're old doesn't mean the rest of us are."

"If you want to live to be twenty-seven you'll start working on your maturity," he retorted. He knelt down and started mopping up the sick.

I folded my arms. No one gave me enough credit. Take for instant the whole strip poker thing. Once Leighanne found out about that I was sure Brian would be totally mine again. Then we'd grab another pair of girls and get a little farther.

I really wanted to get farther.

"There," Kev finally said. "The busses are taking off in an hour. Make sure Brian's in bed. Lights out early tonight. I saw your lights on at like three o'clock last night."

I scowled. "We just forgot to turn off the lights," I lied.

"You were jumping up and down with a game controller in your hand," Kev said.

He totally freaked me out. How he could see these things from another moving vehicle was beyond me.

"Good night," he said. He turned to go and stopped. He came back and picked up all the alcohol bottles.

He smiled at me before he left.

Something told me that him and D were going to have a free party. It wasn't fair.

"HEY NICK!" Bri shouted. I sat down on the couch. Bri wasn't that drunk. He could get himself to bed.

"WHAT?" I shouted back.

There was a thud. It didn't sound good. I was almost afraid to check. I heard Bri whine in frustration.

"There's FOUR toilets!"

Chapter 6

"How in the world did he talk you into that?" Leighanne asked me. It was the next morning and I was suffering from the hangover from hell. I'd downed a ton of Advil, but my head was still achey and spinning. I was laying in my bunk, even though it was well after two in the afternoon. We'd be going into the venue to do sound check soon.

I sighed. "I don't know," I admitted. "I guess because he says I'm a prune."

"A prune?" Leighanne asked, confused.

It was harder on me when she sounded like this, rather than angry. Overall, she wasn't mad, just disappointed, and that was way, way worse.

"Yeah. He says I'm turning into Kevin."

Leighanne giggled. "Brian, you're far from a prune," she assured me. "You're amazing." Her words made me feel better. I smiled and caressed the phone. "I dunno what I was thinking," I admitted, imagining her. "Your boobs are way better than that chick's last night," I said. Yes, I'd even told her about the girls and the strip poker.

Leighanne had said once that the key to a good, strong, lasting relationship was complete honesty, no matter what.

Nick's head suddenly popped up under my curtain. He made sign language at me that it was time to get up. I nodded and waved him away. He pouted.

"Mine are better, huh?" she laughed, "Hmm, I don't know if I believe you."

"I'll prove it," I offered. Nick was staring at me still. I batted at him, catching his hair and messing it up. He ducked and disappeared just before I caught hold of his blonde mop of hair.

"Oh you will, will you?" she asked, her voice deepening.

"Mmhm," I answered.

Suddenly Nick's hand - covered with a sock - popped back into the bunk... followed by a second sock-covered hand. He mimicked the two socks making out. My face turned scarlet. I kicked my feet at his hands and he laughed, but continued on with his mocking puppet show.

"How will you prove it?" her voice was sexy and sultry.

"Well," I faltered, realizing Nick was listening. "I- I'll..."

"Brian?" Leighanne asked, "You sound distracted."

"Sorry," I said.

Nick's face poked back into the bunk, right between the two socks, and he grinned.

"What's going on?" she asked.

I laughed as Nick mimicked one of the sock puppets eating his ear and he pretended to be in agony.

"Nick's being a goofball," I answered.

Leighanne laughed, "He sounds like a trip," she commented.

"Oh he's a trip all right." I answered, glaring at him.

Nick beamed and ducked away again.

"I'll let you go for now, Bri, you go play with Nick," Leighanne offered. She paused, "No more drunken poker games, though, okay?" she asked, "I worry about you."

"I know," I answered, "And trust me, even that one wasn't planned."

Leighanne made a kissy noise and I made one back. I could hear the smile in her voice, "Love you Bribear," she said.

"Love ya Leigh," I answered, and I hung up.

When I opened the curtain, Nick was standing there with a giant grin on his face. He held up two bottles of booze Kevin had missed when he cleaned out the night before. "Ready for night of awesome, part two?" he asked.

**********

I seriously couldn't believe Brian. As I tried to save Zelda, Bri had called Leighanne and told her all about the naked booby fun from the night before. I had tried to distract Bri with a sock puppet show, but he was too busy laughing and cooing over the phone.

I waited impatiently while he said goodbye. The moment he opened the curtain I was armed with my second arsenal. I held up a couple bottles of liquor. "Ready for night of awesome, part two?" I asked.

Bri shook his head. "No way, Nick. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."

I tapped the bottles together. "C'mon..."

"No."

I was ready to try my whining/stomping combo when the bus door opened. I shoved the bottles under my pillow. Kev peered down the hall.

"Soundcheck," he said. "Everything okay in here?"

"Fine," Bri and I said in unison.

The 'brow' raised up to the ceiling. I felt like I was getting x-rayed. After a tense couple seconds, Kev turned. I relaxed.

"Let's go," Bri said. He grabbed his Kentucky hat and put it on sideways.

"Y'know if you keep wearing so many hats you're gonna lose your hair."

Bri snorted. "No way."

I snickered and ran a hand through my hair. Bri had the same haircut since like second grade; my hair on the other hand was like art. It was constantly a work in progress.

The venue was crowded. We had a big group for VIP. This cute short blonde kept eyeing me. We each passed out like five roses and I made sure she got one. Her hand wrapped into mine for just a second and I came away with a number.

I friggin' loved my life.

Bri was way more selective with his flowers than me. He tried to give them to women that were way too old or little kids. It was like he was purposely avoiding any type of sexual advance.

It was pretty lame. Howie had the winking thing going on to drive the girls wet and wild. AJ made sweet, sweet love to the stage. He spent more time with his whole body on the ground then he did standing upright. Even Bert, aka Kev, had the half-opened shirt 'look at me, I'm sexy' thing going on.

Littrell was just a giant can of corn that had been left open for a few days. He wasn't fresh and he was dry and crusty around the edges.

I hated that he didn't want to know what I had planned for round two. I tried to brush it off. If he didn't want fun, that didn't mean I couldn't have fun.

He wasn't going to poop on MY party.

Determination had me keeping my eye on the prize through the rest of the day. By the time the concert was over, I had my arm around the cutie's waist from the soundcheck. I put a finger to my lips as we climbed the bus steps. Her name was Lea and she was one of those touchy-feely types. I loved where she was touching.

"Which one's yours?" she asked. She had brown eyes that reminded me of hot chocolate. The whites of her eyes were like marshmallows. It was a great combination.

"Here," I said proudly as we walked down the narrow hall. I pulled back my curtain. She climbed on up without me even having to ask. I fist pummeled the air when she wasn't looking before I followed her in. We sat across from each other. I rooted under my pillow and held up the two liquor bottles I had stashed earlier. Lea rubbed her hands together; I loved a girl that loved alcohol.

I also loved a girl who didn't need much alcohol; it didn't take much to get her buzzed. I didn't want her to be as drunk as the girl from the night before so I downed the rest of her bottle when she wasn't looking.

"This is so small," she said as she looked around for the tenth time. She giggled and leaned back. I grabbed her leg.

"Want to see something big?" I asked.

Her mouth opened. She nodded. I heard a groan from across the way.

"No, he's using the one pick-up line he has," Bri explained. I gritted my teeth. Was he talking about me to that....that.. ..

"Well?" Lea asked.

I couldn't let Brian ruin my night. No, scratch that. I WOULDN'T let Brian ruin my night. Ugh, did he really think that one line was all I had going for me? Well I'd show him...Bri was going to feel real bad once I had a girl moaning and screaming and doing hot things to me. It would be sweet satisfaction; he'd just have to lay there and cling to his phone. How lame!

With a smirk, I reached for my zipper. Lea crawled up beside me and started to kiss me. Bri was still talking, but I didn't bother to really listen to what he was saying.

My party was just getting started.

Chapter Seven

If Nick thought he was gonna have sex on the bus with me laying right there listening then he had another thing coming. I hissed a quiet good-bye to Leighanne and I hung up the phone as stealth-like as I could.

If Nick wanted to get down and dirty - well, he was gonna get dirty all right.

I crawled out of bed and dropped my bare feet to the floor as carefully as I could so that he couldn't hear me. Not much could be heard over the girl's cooing and giggling anyways. Nick's zipper undid and I heard her hum "Ohhh" as I tip-toed toward the little mini fridge. "Nick," she giggled, "You're so bad. Mmm."

I opened the fridge and peeked inside. Mostly empty, except for a liter of Pepsi and Nick's copy of The Shining - why the hell that was in the fridge was beyond me, but okay. I grabbed the Pepsi and started to shake.

"Niiick," the girl was speaking in husky tones by the time I got back to the bunk areas. I could hear him groaning. "Yeah? You like that hmm?"

I shook the soda harder. I had to make sure it was good and ready to blow.

"Oh God yeah," I heard him groan loudly.

I tip toed right up to the bunk. My fingers on the cap of the soda bottle, ready to twist. I took a deep breath, preparing myself...

"Ohhhh God..." Nick groaned again.

"NICK!" I suddenly yelled his name in my most panic stricken-voice I could muster without laughing.

The curtain was yanked open at the speed of light. The girl was kneeling between his legs, his pillow squashed over his waist and thighs, a worried expression on his face. "BRIAN?" he called back, he looked at me, our eyes met for a split second before I twisted the cap.

And then a shower of Pepsi flew everywhere.

Nick let out a shriek louder and more high pitched than his lady friend had managed to let out, and he jumped so high in shock that he literally banged his head on the ceiling of his bunk as the Pepsi shot into his bunk at the speed of light.

When the bottle stopped foaming at the mouth, Nick wiped the soda away from each of his eyes slowly before he focused on me. He sucked in a deep breath. "You sunuvvabitch," he muttered, "I am gonna kill you."

"That's what you get," I said, turning away from him, "For being such a lil horn dog."

The girl grabbed her shirt.

"Wait baby," Nick said, batting at her shirt. He looked at me, eyes suddenly livid. "What happened to the Brian that would've been happy for me?" he demanded.

************** Bri opened his mouth; I could tell by the look in his eyes that my question had gotten to him. Lea was scrambling to get dressed. Bri backed away, the bottle still dripping between his hands.

"Baby," I said. I wrapped my hand around her arm. "I can't let you go like this. At least clean up."

I tried to sound as sincere as possible. Lea paused. Some of the fizz had condensed on her hair. Her mouth that had moments before been south of my border opened slightly.

"I don't think I'm welcome here," she said. My fists clenched; I was so gonna kill Brian. There was no way I was going to let him ruin my independence for a second night in a row.

"Last time I checked, I paid for half of the bus," I said with a smile. "And the shower just so happens to be on my half of the bus."

Lea's eyes sparkled. I really liked her. If we weren't in town for just one night...

Wait, scratch that. Who was I kidding? I wasn't looking for a relationship; I was happy with the one night stand.

While Brian banged around in the kitchen, no doubt grabbing cleaning supplies for his jackass blunder, Lea and I took off towards the bathroom. I was bare-assed, but I didn't care. If Brian didn't like it, he could kiss it. I locked the bathroom door behind us and turned on the shower spray.

Now, the showers on a tour bus are small. They're meant for one person. Lea and I were like a human sandwich.

It was perfect. I made sure to be as NOISY as possible. I slammed against the wall just right to get the bus rocking.

I hoped Brian was sitting there with his bottle of Mr. Clean and a kitchen sponge wishing he was getting down and dirty. If he thought I was going to hook him up ever again, he was dead wrong. Not only did he come really close to hosing me, he also wasted a whole 2-liter of Pepsi.

By the time Lea and I got out of the shower, the bus was quiet. Lea wrapped her arms around me and we shared a long slow kiss.

"Thanks for being so cool about the soda thing," I said. She giggled.

"It's okay. I liked where we ended up."

I grinned. She brushed her fingers through my hair. I walked her to the door of the bus.

"Look me up the next time you come back?" she asked. I nodded.

"Absolutely." Not likely.

She squeezed my hand and walked off the bus. I leaned out in the night air and watched her walk off. I was about ready to head back inside when I heard heavy breathing and a loud whisper.

I hopped off the bus. I was shirtless; but the night was warm. I went into a panther crouch and made my way towards the sound.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't so curious. Bri was hunkered down by the bus tire, almost hidden from view. The way his head was tilted told me he was on the phone.

The stupid donkey sounds he was making and the jerky movement of his arm was way more than I wanted to see. I scrambled back around the bus and up the steps.

The dumbshit was making knucklechildren right underneath his bunk window. I pulled out my duffel bags and quickly pawed through until I found what I was looking for. I tore open a package of paintballs and dumped them into my gun. I tested the weight of it in my hand.

If Bri wanted a bang, he was gonna GET one.

Chapter Eight

Part of me couldn't believe I was doing it. The other part was thrilled. I wasn't a prune. I was doing this. Phone sex was not something prunes did. I'm pretty sure Kevin's never- well, no I lie. I'm not sure. With a voice like Kevin's- well, I don't wanna think about that anymore.

I was crouching down, leaning against the bus, Leighanne's huskiest voice coaching me, my heart pounding, when I heard the bus door slam shut, heavy footsteps, and a clicking sound. My entire body was tingling. Why NOW? I wondered, Couldn't he wait just like three more seconds?

BAM!

SPLAT!

A big spotch of neon green paint landed right between my legs, spattering up at me and my - well, let's just say I was well decorated. I leaped off the ground. "Woah! WOAH!" I yelped, suddenly no longer into the moment. My eyes swung at Nick's. They were positively psychotic.

"Brian?" Leighanne had caught the panic in my voice.

"Drop. The. Fucking. Phone." Nick leveled the gun.

"Nick, stop it," I said.

His finger quivered on the trigger.

"Nick, stop, I don't have my equip-"

BAM!
SPLAT!

"OWWWWWWWW! WHAT THE CRAP MAN!?" I doubled over, my phone flew out of my hand and hit the cement and it broke. But I didn't have time to concentrate on that now - or the air to. My stomach had gotten hit dead on and it was smarting. I didn't even have a shirt on. My chest was a blossom of neon green paint, like I was full of some kind of crazy ass alien blood.

Nick leveled the gun again. I heard it click, again.

"STOP IT!" I yelled.

Nick laughed - the sound even as freaking psycho as his grin.

I didn't have a choice. I ran for it.

BAM!
SPLAT!

Green paint hit the tar a couple inches behind me and he swore, and I heard him take off at a run, too. Now I played baseball in high school, so I've got a baserunner's speed. I was pretty darn good at stealing bases back in the day, too, not to brag or nothing. It's because I'm tiny and fast. But Nick's got longer legs than I do, so he was able to keep up with me. The only reason he couldn't out run me was because he ate so many freaking Twinkies and his gut wobbled every which way like that flappy chin thing on a turkey.

BAM!
SPLAT!

He hit our bus. Our bus now had a big green splotch. I ducked around the end of it and bolted into the gap between our bus and Kevin's. It was a tight squeeze, even for me. I didn't think Nick would make it between the two buses. I didn't think about what a freaking easy target this would make me.

BAM!
SPLAT!

"OW!" My ass now had a splotch to match my chest. I grabbed my buns and covered them with my hands. "YOU ARE NOT PLAYING FAIRLY!" I screamed and dropped to my knees.

The lights in Kevin's bus turned on.

BAM!

As soon as I heard the shot, I rolled and slid under the bus.

SPLAT!

The cement next to me splattered green, right where my crotch had been. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TRYING TO DO YOU ASS HOLE?" I screamed. Nick laughed crazy in response.

"Come out, come out, where ever you aaaare!" he called. "I know you're under the bus."

This also made me an easy target. I scrambled, crawling army-style on my stomach, and came out the other side of the bus. I looked back. Nick was on his hands and knees at the back, peering under. "There you are." He grinned and stood up. Shit.

I propelled myself to my feet and bolted. Nick came around the corner of the end of the bus.

BAM!
SPLAT!

A tree on the edge of the parking lot ate that one.

BAM!
SPLAT!

A garbage dumpster.

Suddenly Kevin's bus's door opened and Kevin, Howie and AJ all poured out of the bus. And within seconds, the security and crew were all gathered around, too, as I ran in a circle, trying to get away from Nazi Nick.

BAM! BAM! BAM!
SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

He was rapid-firing.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?" Kevin's voice was loud, ringing, and the most authoritative sound I'd heard in a long time.

I ran and ducked behind Kevin.

Nick didn't have time to stop himself. He was too quickly aiming and firing after my tail feather.

BAM!
SPLAT!

The silence that followed the shot was suffocatingly heavy. The only sound was the sound of Nick dropping his weapon and it clattering on the cement at his feet. Howie whistled. AJ gasped.

I could feel Kevin shaking.

Nick was so about to die... I peeked over Kevin's shoulder in excited anticipation. BRING IT KEVIN, BRING IT!

*************

The best game of paintball that I've ever had in my entire life was over. Hell, my life was over. Bri was butt ass naked behind Kev, but my enthusiasm to shoot the shit out of him as payback had backfired. I had hit Kev dead center in the middle of his forehead with a bright green ball of paint. It covered 'the brow' and dripped off his nose.

With that cover all over his face, he seriously was like the Hulk. I watched his shirt to see if it would fly off as he doubled in size and squashed me with one beefy hand. But, it didn't. AJ's mouth was hanging open so wide I could have tossed a basketball in it. Howie had a grin on his face like I had never seen before. He winked eight times in succession.

Bri peeked around Kev. His eyes danced in excitement. If I was him, I wouldn't have looked so happy. I had blasted a paintball into his nuts, chest, and ass. I felt kinda embarassed; the stupid oompa-loompa outran me even with a stiffy.

"Nick," Kevin said. His voice was low, slow...serious. "Explain to me," again he paused. I was going to be eighty by the time he was done talking. Then again, that might be good. I would die of old age instead of by murder. "Explain why you're vandalizing our busses."

"And vandalizing Brian's ass," Howie added. He turned around, his shoulders shaking. I heard a snort. Have you ever heard a Puerto Rican snort? He kinda sounda like Toucan Sam when he squawked.

My mouth opened. I looked at my gun. I had dropped it so fast that the ball compartment had broken open. Unused paintballs were scattered at my feet.

"Bri shot Pepsi at me and a girl," I said feebly. "When I finally got cleaned off, I went to look for him and--"

"That's a lie," Bri drawled. "He was out for revenge. He broke my phone!"

"WAH!" I shouted. "Big friggin whoop-de-whoo! What ever will Bribear do without his phoney woney?" I said. I brought my fists to my eyes and pretended to wipe tears away. "You can't get all chubby with WeighWeigh without your wittle ph--"

"ENOUGH!"

Howie backed up. AJ sat down on the bus step. Bri covered his nuts. I shoved my hands in my pockets. Kev wiped a trail of green that had been flying down his cheek.

"We have two hours before these busses take off," he said. "Brian, get dressed. The two of you are going to clean up every damn paintball splotch on the bus and on the pavement. This group is not going to be known for destroying venues that allowed us to come and play."

Kev turned around and headed for the bus steps. AJ dove off and slammed onto the ground. Bri, who was still cupping his guppies, started a sideways walk towards the bus. Howie kicked him in the ass before he got too far. Bri took off at a run.

"How am I supposed to clean cement?" I asked stupidly. AJ scrambled to his feet.

"I have an idea," he said.

Fifteen minutes later, we had a high pressure hose hooked up. AJ and I were both holding onto it for dear life. I was grateful for the help; J's idea was actually working.

"NOW THE BUS!" I shouted. We turned in tandem and pointed at the spots that had richocheted off of the black metal sides.

Bri still hadn't come out of the bus. I didn't think that was fair. Kevin had said that the TWO of us needed to clean up. I shot off the spray.

"We didn't get it all," J said. I waved him off.

"Thanks for the help, but Bri should finish this," I said. J leaned close to me.

"Don't make me go back on the bus. Kevin's probably talking to Kristin and Howie's probably got the TV tuned to Telemundo. He's got the hot for one of those soap opera chicks."

I snickered. It sounded like hell.

"Okay, hold the hose," I said. I dropped my part and ran up on the bus.

Bri was standing in the living area towel drying his hair. He looked at me and paused. We stared each other down.

"You gotta help," I said.

"I'm bruised," Bri argued.

"You deserved it!"

He threw his towel down. "I did not!"

"You almost ruined my night!" I screamed.

"You're ruining my century!" he shot back.

I lost it; I stomped my foot on the floor like a bull and tackled him. We went down on the ground. For a little shrimp, Bri was feisty. Somehow I got distracted and Bri ended up on my back, holding my head off the ground by my hair.

"Not the hair! Not the hair!" I squealed. My legs kicked helplessly.

"You don't deserve hair!" Bri yelled.

"That's not very Christian of you!" I shouted back. I jabbed him in the ribs. He rolled off me. I smacked across his chest and pinned him down. I grabbed his leg and yanked it in the air. He screamed bloody murder.

"GUYS!"

I turned towards the door. AJ was staring at us wide-eyed.

"Kev's coming!" he said in a loud whisper. Bri bit my elbow.

"I don't care!" I said. My face felt like it was burning. I bent Bri's foot to the side. He yelped.

"I CARE!" AJ said. He sounded totally panicked. I glanced at him and instantly knew what he was about to do.

Before I could stop him, he turned the hose on us and the entire inside of the bus.

Chapter Nine

Nick spluttered, I choked. AJ stood there looking like the cat that swallowed the canary. He dropped the hose. "I ... I uh..." he hesitated, "Gotta go," he finished lamely and he bolted off the bus, leaving us soaking wet in a pool of water in our now sopping wet bus, laying in a questionable position, Nick's body rubbing against mine in ways two straight men's bodies should never rub, less than four feet from a hose.

I looked up at Nick.

Nick looked down at me.

"Kev's going to fucking murder us," I said.

Nick nodded, wide eyed.

"Truce?" I asked.

"Yes please!" he cried.

United by our common fear of Pissed-Off-Kevin, we leapt to our feet. I grabbed the hose, and Nick and I both ran down the bus steps and into the parking lot, almost knocking Kevin over in our rush to get outside. Nick yanked the door shut behind us. Kevin blinked. "What the ape shit are you two doing?" he asked, looking us over.

Every square inch of our bodies were drenched with water. It was pooling at our feet on the cement. Nick's hair hung limply around his face... and out of my still-clenched fist because, unbeknownst to him, I'd taken a pretty good chunk out of it before he flipped me over on my back. I dropped the evidence and kicked it under the bus discreetly.

"Workin' on cleanin' up," Nick said, "What the hell else? I'm just doing what you told me to do."

"Yeah," I said.

"You two are both grinning like hyenas over here," he noted. He eyed us closely. "You're waaay too happy to be cleaning."

"Well, as has been well demonstrated tonight, Brian likes playing with his hose," Nick giggled.

The truce was so off the second Kevin left our presence. I was gonna wrap the hose around his stupid neck and tug.

"What were you doing on the bus?"

I looked at Nick.

"Gettin' a snack," Nick answered, "All this cleaning shit makes me hungry." He patted his stomach.

Kevin raised an eyebrow.

"I told him he's gonna get fat....--er," I hissed the last part of the word under my breath, and Nick glared at me.

Kev shook his head, "I don't know if I believe you..." he reached for the bus door.

"WAIT KEVIN YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE!!" Nick wheezed, flinging his entire body weight at the door and knocking Kevin's arm aside. He stretched his arms across the door, his stomach blocking the handle. "OVER MY DEAD BODY MAY YOU ENTER THIS BUS!!!!!"

My jaw dropped.

Kevin stumbled backwards in surprise at the dramatics.

"Okay, what the fuck did you two do?" he demanded, a determined look in his eye.

VERY smooth, Carter, I thought, How the heck are you gonna get out of this one?

Nick's eyes flashed. "I- I- I uh- It- It's AJ's fault," he stammered.

Inspiration.

"AJ's having - alone time," I hissed. "On the bus."

Kevin's eyes widened, "What?"

"AJ...he's doin' it. Right now. On the bus."

Kevin paused, "AJ is --"

"PAINT BALL MAKES AJ HORNY!" Nick yelled.

Kevin blinked, obviously uncertain how to take that.

I wasn't sure, either. Knowing Nick and AJ, it could be something AJ had legitimately said once to him.

Nick beamed, obviously quite pleased with himself for his outburst. It was the kind of moment that AJ and Nick would've high-fived and belly-bumped over.

I probably would've belly-bumped them too if AJ didn't chose that moment to come back from whereever he'd had to go to before, almost colliding with Kevin.

"Why exactly is AJ out here?" Kevin asked, glancing between Nick and I.

Nick feigned surprise, "HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET OFFA THE BUS WITHOUT USING THE DOOR AJ?" he cried.

AJ stared at Nick, "Um. What?"

"Horny for paintball..." Kevin muttered, reaching again for the door.

Nick reinforced his stance.

"You didn't tell him yet?" AJ asked stupidly.

"Tell me what?" Kevin demanded.

"Thanks AJ," I muttered.

"TELL. ME. WHAT?!?" Kevin's tone deepened.

AJ turned red. "Seeya guys." He ran back to the other bus like his ass was on fire.

Kevin looked at Nick. "Move."

Slowly, like iced molasses going uphill, Nick slid off the door of the bus.

Kevin wrenched the door open and started up the stairs.

Nick and I stared at each other.

"BRRRRRIIIAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAN!......... NIIIIIIIIIIIII IIIIIIIIIIICCC CCCKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Kevin's voice echoed off the bus. We both winced. We looked at one another, paused.

Then simultaneously broke into a run to get away.

Ten minutes later, we were sitting in a booth at Chick-fil-A with trays in front of us and monster mashup mixes of fountain sodas. "We can never go back," Nick whispered, shaking his head, "He's gonna kill us."

"I know," I answered, biting into a french fry. Nick had more food on his tray than I'd eaten all week. I pulled apart my chicken sandwich.

"Well, it was fun being a Backstreet Boy," he said, "While it lasted." He paused. "We're gonna be like Thelma and Louise now, huh?"

"You can be Thelma," I muttered, "I don't wanna sleep with Brad Pitt."

"Can Brad Pitt be played by Signourey Weaver?" Nick asked hopefully.

"No," I answered, "Brad Pitt's being played by Brad Pitt, I'm sorry to tell ya."

"You know who could play Brad Pitt really good?" Nick asked. "Pamela Anderson." He grinned.

I shrugged, "I dunno," I answered, "I think Brad's breasts are bigger."

Nick nodded. "True." He stared at his sandwich for a moment, then he looked up at me, a smile on his face. "See," he said, "It's stuff like this."

"What?" I asked, my mouth full.

Nick shrugged, "This... us talking about stupid stuff and laughing... this is why I hate Leighanne."

"Because we make jokes about you having sex with Brad Pitt, who has big breasts?" I asked, confused.

Nick shook his head, "Because when she's around we don't talk about Brad Pitt's tits," he answered.

I laughed and reached over and messed up his hair. He didn't complain for once - it was already a disaster, I guess he wasn't worried about the art form since it was already mutilated - and he grinned. "I just like having my best friend," he explained.

It was sappy as all hell, but it made me feel kinda warm and fuzzy inside, too.

***************** I don't know how he did it, but Kevin ended up finding us. Then he ordered a Chick-fil-A sandwich. Then he made me go get him some mayo.

I didn't even think about doing a bait & switch; I wasn't going to press my luck.

"Do you know how long," Kevin said. He stuffed a waffle fry in his mouth. "I was stuck talking to our tour manager? He's about ready to make you two ride on Greyhounds around the country."

"We're really sorry," Bri said quickly.

"Is our bus dry?" I asked. I was getting tired. I wanted to sleep, but I couldn't sleep if the floor was squishy. I was weird like that.

Kevin gave me a look. "We had an emergency 24-hour maid service come in. They said they'd never seen anything like it. They asked how old the bus was."

"It's new," I said.

"It was new," Kevin said. "I swear. My bus still smells like new car; your bus smells like wet cat."

"Poor pussy, poor pussy cat," I said. I was about ready to break into a full-on rendition of I'm Too Sexy, but Bri clamped his hand over my mouth.

"You have my word that we won't be doing anything else wrong," Bri said seriously. I rolled my eyes upwards trying to get a look at him; I only succeeded in giving myself a headache.

Kev took a bite of his sandwich. "If anything else goes wrong, Nick and D are switching places," Kevin declared.

Bri's hand fell from my face; his face was priceless. I'm sure I looked just as horrified.

"Consider us angels," I said. Five minutes later, Kev escorted us out of the restaurant, his eyes on us like we were two bad little children.

He hadn't been lying about our bus smelling funky either. The water hadn't been sitting long, but it had caused a kind of odor that made the whole place smell kind of like, well, my grandma. It was just an old smell.

"I'm going to bed," Bri declared.

"How? I can't sleep in grandma's attic," I complained.

He yawned. "I'm tired. I'm going to have to wake up early and try to find someplace to buy a phone."

I frowned. "Why do you need a phone?"

Bri sighed. "Because I need to call family."

"Bull. You just need to call Leighanne. You're an addict."

Bri snorted. "An addict?"

"Yeah! You can't go a day!"

I turned to crawl into my bunk, but Bri grabbed my arm. "You were kidding earlier when you said you hated Leighanne, right?"

"No," I scowled. "I've never seen you act this way before. It's like you're seconds away from running off and marrying her or something stupid like that."

His face got all dreamy. "I know..."

I yanked my arm back, threw my hands up in the air, and crawled into my bunk. There was a long pause before I heard Bri roaming around and then the sound of his own curtain being pulled back.

I inhaled angrily. I wished I hadn't; I almost threw up in my mouth. I lasted two hours on the bus before I couldn't take the smell anymore. I convinced our driver to pull into a gas station. Bri was snoring loudly. I hopped off the bus and ran inside.

A bored looking woman in her twenties was sitting behind the counter filing her nails. I walked up to her and smiled.

"Excuse me. Where are your air freshners?"

The woman-girl popped a wad of gum. "What kind?"

"Whatever lasts the longest."

She pointed with her nail file. "Against the wall."

The back wall was filled with those air freshners for cars; y'know, the ones that you hang on your rearview mirror. I stood there staring, unsure of what to choose.

My first thought was to choose Strawberry. Who didn't love strawberries? Then I saw the vanilla. Vanilla reminded me of cookies. Cookies rocked. But then there was New Car smell too....

I grabbed ten packs of each and headed to the counter. The woman arched an eyebrow as I dumped them in front of her.

"Did you run outta cologne or something?" she asked. She started sending the packages under the scanner.

"My bus smells like ---."

She looked up at me in surprise.

"I mean the cat kind! Not the girl kind!" I said quickly.

"Kid," the woman said with a laugh. I tried not to grimace. Kid? I was eighteen! "You just made my night."

The total flashed on the register. I pulled out my wallet and handed over the cash.

"Thanks," I muttered.

"Have a good night! Beware of pussy!"

She started laughing; I turned beet red. I ran back to the bus and signaled the driver to take off. As the bus started up again, I sat on the couch and broke open every single package. I began to hang the fragrances like they were mini pinatas. Strawberry here. Vanilla there. New Car everywhere.

When I was down to my last scent, I crawled into bed and stuck a vanilla board under my pillow. I inhaled deeply and smiled.

Brian would thank me in the morning.

I woke up to the sound of Nick gagging.

I sat up, "Nick?" I yelled, pulling open my curtain. I regretted it. The moment I opened it, the most nauseating odor ever instantly permeated my bunk and filled my nostrils, which have extremely little protection from the elements, and I, too, was gagging. I pulled my shirt over my face. Left over stage sweat and general man-on-a-bus-with-a-itty-bitty-shower scent beat out... the Yankee-Candle-Store-Threw-Up-In-A-Nursing-Home scent. "Oh my LORD!" I gasped in my pit-stench. "What the hell, Nick?"

Nick was practically in tears. He was sitting on the floor of the bus, a sock tied around his face, a bunch of those Little Pine air fresheners in his lap, scissors in his hand, cutting them up. "It won't stop smelling! Make it stop smelling!"

I grabbed the scissors away. "What the hell are you doing?"

"I thought if I cut them up they'd break!" he whined.

"Why are there like a hundred and seventy thousand lil pines on the bus?" I cried.

"To cover the pussy smell!"

I stared at him.

"It was hurtin' my nose! I was trying to make it go away!!"

"Where on earth did you get all these air fresheners?" I looked at his trunk. No freaking way did he pack that many air fresheners to cover up the stink of his socks... Right? Speaking of which.... "You'd rather breathe your SOCK than the bus?" I exclaimed.

"You're breathing your arm pit," he pointed out.

Excellent point.

I reached for a window and a moment later, freezing spring air came flying in the window as the bus whizzed down the highway. I wasn't sure which was more important: keeping my face covered or trying to cover my arms.

"Noooooo it's gonna be COLD!" Nick wailed as the air struck him and he fell backwards, clutching his sock.

"You'll survive," I told him, leaving the window open. I reached for another one.

"I'M GONNA FREEZE," he yelled, "Like the mopeds!"

I stopped mid-step and turned, slowly, and looked at him. "The mopeds?" I asked. This I must hear.

Nick stared at me blankly a moment. I could almost see his wheels turning in his head, trying desperately to figure out what word he actually meant. "Mobiles?" he tried again.

"Nomads?" I suggested.

Nick's face flushed. "Shut up."

"The nomads didn't freeze, anyway," I said, and I continued in my reach for the window.

"The Nee-amander-halls, then," he said, slaughtering the world's annunciation. I decided to let it go.

Once I'd gotten all the bus windows open and we'd bagged all Nick's lil pine trees up and sealed it and put it in the hall by the door to be thrown away and we'd each bundled up in our big arctic coats and scarves and mittens, we sat down and tried to eat breakfast, but it's hard to eat around all those layers (Nick literally almost cried because he couldn't figure out how to shove Cinnamon Toast Crunch in his mouth without taking the scarf off).

By the time we got to the next venue, we were Backstreet Popsicles and I think my kahoonies - which were still sore from Nick's paint ballin' - were about to freeze off. I half wondered if I'd ever have kids - my poor nuts had been through a lot in the last couple days.

"I'm gonna go get a new phone," I announced. Nick and I had finally closed all the windows, but we couldn't tell over the smell of cold if the fruit-pussy scent had faded or if our nostrils were just frozen.

Mine probably had icebergs growing on them large enough to sink the Titanic. Nick was studying them, peering into them, as though searching for just that.

"Why do you gotta go get a new phone?" he asked, whining his way out of his fascination with my nose.

"Because, I told you last night, I gotta call my family and--" I stopped, about to say her name, and thinking better of it. I'd realized when I spoke to him that maybe I needed to cut back talking about her to him.

Nick scowled. "Leighanne," he finished, turning away.

I sighed. "Wanna come with me?" I asked hopefully.

"Would a snowball wanna go to hell?" he asked.

"So thats a no?" I asked.

"It's a no," he confirmed. He hesitated, "You know," he said, "You're stupid like the nee-amander-halls."

I stared at him.

"Yeah. They like all died, yanno, cos they were stupid and stuff." Nick beaded his eyes up, "And now you're all stupid, too." He got up and stormed off to his bunk.

I had no idea what the hell he was talking about, but I had a feeling he was being a baby. I grabbed my wallet. "Mmkay then," I called, "I'll be back. Need anything?"

"A new best friend," Nick called back in a moody voice.

I sighed. "Bye Nick," I called.

****************
It wasn't fair; just days ago it had been warm. Like shorts and tank top warm. Now I was sitting in the bus looking like a blonde version of Frosty the Snowman.

Wherever this bus was going, I never wanted to go there again. I was like a...a...an animal that likes warm weather. Hm, a bear? No, some of them are polar. A bird? No, penguins ruled that out. I was...let's see...a llama! Yeah, a llama!

Or was it a camel?

Either way, once the bus arrived at our destination, Bri didn't waste any time leaving the confines of the bus. In one way, it was nice he had asked me to tag along; on the other hand, I was sick of hearing about her.

My options were looking bleak until AJ stuck his head in the bus. His face screwed up in disgust the moment he took a breath.

Oh my gawd, is there a dead body in here?"

"No. Does it still smell?"

"Are you serious?"

I sighed. J shook his head a few times and pulled his long sleeve up to his nose.

"We're in Minnesota, bro. Wanna come to the mall?"

I scowled. "What's with everyone and the mall?"

AJ looked at me like I was stupid. "Minnesota, Nick. Y'know...the Mall of America?"

"Aren't all of our malls in America?" I asked.

"Dude, your mom made a huge mistake not continuing your tutoring," J said.

"What? Why?"

"Never mind. You want to come with?"

I only had two choices. Go with J and hope the mall had a food court or stay in the stinking bus wearing my parka, gloves, scarf, and hat. I jumped up.

"Let's go."

It wasn't until the taxi pulled up to the mall that I realized why J wanted to go to the mall. It wasn't a mall. It was like a city. A city of stuff.

"Look at the ice skating rink," AJ said. He took out his camera, wound it until it stopped clicking, and took a shot. The flash was blinding.

I rubbed my hands together. J and I wear wearing black hoodies, jeans, and sunglasses. I was feeling very 'Tom Cruise in Top Gun'-ish in my shades.

"I'm sick of cold. I'm hungry," I complained.

"There's every single restaurant imaginable in the food courts," AJ explained. We stop at one of several mall maps; he started tapping every single possible food location.

"Courts?" I said in astonishment. I almost cried; I was in love. All of a sudden, all the walking we were doing didn't seem so bad.

It's funny, but in a place so big and packed with so many people, over the course of an hour we managed to bump into the rest of the guys. Howie was picking out an elephant for his mom; Kevin was all about the music stores. J bought about ten more pairs of glasses; I had about five different meals.

"One day, you're going to blow up," J warned.

I patted my stomach. "Naw, it's just good breeding. I'm made to be scrawny. And cute."

AJ just shook his head. I skipped a little ahead of him. I was so intent on skipping along that I almost didn't see Bri in the phone store. I skidded to a stop. AJ bumped into me.

"Hey! Wha--"

I clamped my hand over J's mouth and pointed.

Bri was deeply involved in a conversation with a gorgeous girl. I could tell he wasn't just talking about phone plans. He leaned towards her, said something, and she laughed.

"Damn," J whispered when I lowered my hand. "Look at Corncob go."

"Where's your camera?" I asked.

"Camera?" AJ said dumbly.

"The one you used to take pictures of the rink and me eating that giant burrito!" I hissed.

"Oh, that camera. Why didn't you say so. Damn, Nick..."

He pulled it out of his hoodie pocket; I yanked it from him. Before he could say anything, I took a shot of Bri and Lady Cellular that was dynamite; Bri had lifted a piece of her hair and was playing with it.

"Why do I think you're up to no good?" AJ whispered. I snorted.

"What? I'm just taking a memory for our friend. It's not every day we get to enjoy the Mall of the United States."

"Mall of America."

"Same difference."

I continued to take pictures until I heard the film automatically winding. When it stopped, I opened the back and took out the roll. I pocketed it.

"Hey, I have tons of shit on there," J complained.

"You'll get 'em. Promise," I said.

We moved on from the cellular store. J kept looking at me suspiciously, but I didn't care. The moment I had the chance, I was headed to a one hour photo. Then I was sending an anonymous package to Ms. Leighanne Wallace.

If there was anything I had learned from spying on B-Rok today, it was that he wasn't ready for a long term relationship. Mr. Prune could deny it all he wanted, but he still had wandering eyes.

My proof would help him wander a little longer.

Chapter Eleven

She was awful pretty, that Verizon Wireless Superbabe... but my few seconds of being a playboy was so not worth this.

"You were touching her hair, Brian!" Leighanne was on the phone. She'd received an anonymous package full of pictures from the UPS man that morning and had opened them to find a bunch of images of me drooling over the Verizon girl while I bought my new phone - since Nick had broken my old one.

"She was telling me about her shampoo," I explained lamely. "I know, it sounds like I'm lying, but seriously. I mentioned that she had nice hair, which she did, and she'd said she used horse shampoo on it! I'd been like no way, and she was like yeah and made me feel her hair."

Leighanne groaned, "You're so full of crap Brian." Her voice's tone was sharp.

The funny thing was, that's actually what happened.

Of course she'd said it in a sultry voice and I'd been practically salivating at her nearly-see-through blouse, but that's a whole other story, isn't it?

"Really, Leigh..." I whined.

Nick was lounging on the sofa-like seats in the front of the bus, per our usual stance, and had a open box of Honey Nut Cheerios on his chest, which he'd been munching on all morning, pausing only long enough to eat some microwavable bacon and a footlong ham and cheese from Subway. He tossed more cheerios into his mouth now as he watched me pacing, trying to explain this to Leighanne. His eyes followed my every move like a hawk.

"It really wasn't what it looked like," I said pleadingly.

Nick held up a hand and wiggled his fingers at me, "Lemme talk to her," he said.

I waved him off. "Really, Leigh, it was about the shampoo. I can't stress that enough."

"Bri-iiian," Nick whined out, "Lemme talk to her, I'll tell her what was up..."

"You weren't even there, Nick," I hissed.

Nick shrugged and wiped his sticky fingers on his chest. "Brok, c'mon."

I shook my head and turned away.

"Really, honey," I insisted, "There was nothing special about her at all..."

Suddenly, Nick was at my side, leaning over my shoulder, "Yeah, Leigh," he called gallantly into the phone, "He told me her tits were even smaller then yours!" He grinned at me.

I glared at him.

"Her breasts aren't small," I argued him, meaning Leighanne.

"So you did look at her breasts then?" said Leighanne, meaning the Verizon Girl.

"No! I touched her--"

Nick took the phone away.

I tried to grab for it, but it was too late, he had it to his impossibly high ear and I was only succeeding in batting at his head. "Brian always looks at girls' breasts," he said, "But that doesn't mean he doesn't like you. It's kinda like when I get strawberry ice cream instead of cookie dough. Cookie dough's my favorite, but I like eatin' the other kinds, too, you know?"

"NICK." I felt my heart racing in my chest. "Give me my damn phone back you asshole," I got on my tippy toes and Nick leaped in one swift motion onto the sofa, making him beyond towering over me. I bounced like a tiny dog, waving my arms, and he teetered on the edge of the sofa.

"Maybe your boobs are like, vanilla, y'know, and he needs another flavor sometimes..." Nick was saying, "But like, y'know, he loves you, he just likes to look a lot. A LOT." Nick winked. "I'm fixin it for you Brok!"

"Well stop," I begged. "I only want Leighanne's boobies!" I yelled this last bit.

Nick's face went blank. He listened to the phone intently a minute, then he frowned. "Oh," he said. "Well. Whatever. Here." He shoved the phone at me. "She says you're cute." He shoved by me and headed to the bunks.

I rolled my eyes. He was way moody lately. I held the phone up to my ear. "Hi."

"You only want MY boobies, huh?" She laughed.

Fifteen minutes later, I was off the phone and Leighanne wasn't mad at me anymore. I smiled and slid the phone into my pocket. I poked my head into Nick's bunk. He was laying on his back staring at the ceiling - a very un-Nick-like position. "Hey, thanks," I said.

He looked at me. "What?"

I smiled, "Your help - it actually worked somehow in some convoluted, crazy way."

Nick blinked at me. He sighed and rolled over.

"Hey, what's a matter?"

"Nothing, I'm happy for you, I'm just tired," he replied.

I shrugged. "You left your cheerios on the sofa..." I said, trying to lure him back out.

"I'm not hungry," he replied.

"WOAH," I laughed, "That's never happened before."

He grunted.

"Leighanne said to tell you she can't wait to meet you," I said. He didn't respond. I added, "She's flying out."

Nick turned back around. "...When?" he asked hesitantly.

"Tomorrow," I replied.

Nick stared at me, his eyes glassing over, his jaw slightly ajar. He swallowed. "Leighanne's coming here tomorrow?" he asked, "Here?"

"Yeah, Nick."

"For how long?"

I shrugged, "A couple tour dates, maybe?"

Nick blinked. Then he smiled.

I wondered what was going through that crazy lil mind of his....

*****************

Leighanne Wallace was invading MY territory. This was MY bus. It was still kinda a pussy-smelling bus, but it was still mine. Well at least half mine. And I didn't want her coming anywhere near my half.

The only GOOD thing about her arrival was that I wouldn't have to hear Bri slobber all over his phone. And they would both be in the same place. It would be easier to cause chaos.

MUCH easier.

I might not have packed light, but I had packed smart. Besides the paintball gun, I had every other prank known to man. I stayed up late planning while Bri's snores shook the bus walls. Sometime in the near-morning I must have finally crashed.

When I woke up, it was late. WAY late.

I crawled out of my bunk and the first thing I saw were panties. And a bra. A BIG bra. Like a bra big enough to put cantalopes in and shoot at an army about ready to attack.

I also heard sounds. Bri-sex sounds. I covered my mouth and pretending to fake vomit in my mouth.

How the hell did Leighanne get on the bus, get naked, and get busy with Bri while I was sleeping? Did I sleep THAT soundly? God, I was dumb sometimes.

I stood there. I could be an amazing friend and let him get a piece of t and a. Or I could be a great best friend and stop him from a mistake. A mistake, from the sounds of it, that he was really enjoying.

"HEY BRI!" I shouted.

There was a squeal, the sound of a big-ass forehead connecting with the wood from the bunk above, and some female pampering as he practically baby-bawled.

I snickered.

After a second, the curtain pulled back an inch. Maybe less than an inch. Bri's watery blue eyes peered up at me.

"What?" he hissed.

Crap. See, whenever someone says 'what,' they usually expect an answer. I hadn't thought that far along in the plan.

"Remember that itch you have the other day? Y'know the one that kinda made you all red down there?" I rambled. "Well, I was researching online last night and they said it could be crabs. Not the red scuttling things like Sebastian from The Little Mermaid but--"

A female voice started giggling. "Oh, he is a jokster, isn't he?"

My mouth fell open. Another blue eye and a sliver of blonde hair poked it's way into the less-than-one-inch part of the curtain that was open.

"Hi Nick. If you give us a minute, we can all go to lunch."

Bri winked at me. "Maybe a couple minutes."

And the curtain went closed.

Damnit. What was wrong with this chick? It seemed like Brian could be infected with lice, have maggots crawling over his body, have a million imaginary STDs and she'd still bone him.

I didn't know whether to hate her or be jealous.

I was gonna go with hate at the moment. I stomped towards the showers.

My first line of attack had failed. But there was more where that came from. A lot more.

Chapter Twelve

Once Nick was gone, Leighanne giggled into my neck. "An itch, huh?"

"We think he may be retarded," I answered in a serious tone, "We're having him reviewed by committees. They may take him away. Give him a straight jacket..." I was rambling, Leighanne was sliding slowly down the length of me with her breasts and I was losing my breath. "...stick him in a padded room... shock... therapy... treatments..."

"BRIAAAANN!!!! WE'RE OUTTAA SHAAAMPPPOOOOO OOOOOO!!!!"

"...remove his voice box..." I continued as Leighanne's mouth touched my thigh.

"BRIAAAAANNN!!! WHERE'S THE SOOOOOOOOOAP???"

"...shave his head, send him to China, let him get beat up by Ghandi..."

Leighanne's laugh sent warm breath against my bare skin and a shiver up my spine. I choked on my own oxygen.

"BRIAN CAN I BORROW YOUR TOOOTHBRUUUUSH?...WE'RE OUTTA Q-TIPS!"

My eyes widened. Even Leighanne's caresses were no match for the concept of my tooth brush - the only thing which would destroy the dragon breath that was filling my mouth currently and make me kissable - sticking out of the side of Nick's ear. Although, in one way it was appealing because maybe he'd stick it in too far, hit his brain... Nawh, there isn't one of those TO hit.

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH MY TOOTHBRUSH YOU LIL PUKE!" I bellowed.

Leighanne jumped. "Whoa, Brian," she muttered in surprise, but I was already up, out of the bunk, and yanking my boxers up, rushing to the bathroom.

Nick was standing in the bathroom, the door open, my toothbrush in hand, his eyes glowering with triumph. And thats when I realized. The lil fucker did it on purpose.

Our eyes met.

And I knew right then that it was on.

Nick dropped my tooth brush onto the counter of the bathroom sink and smiled in a teasing, terrible manner. "Oh, I'm sorry," he said quietly, "Did I interrupt you?"

I would've choked him. Seriously. I could feel the motion in my fingers, imagine his bulging eyes, and the ridiculous squeaking/hissing sounds he'd make as I shook his neck and made him look like a fucking smurf.... But then Leighanne came up behind me.

"Hey Nick," she said, smiling.

At the sound of her voice, all violence fled from my mind. Only peace and flowers and hearts and twittering birds filled my mind. Nick was stupid. He was of no consequence. He'd get over his little fits. I turned to Leighanne and stared at her. She was SO pretty.

Nick glowered. "Hi."

Leighanne touched my arm, "Eggs?" she asked. She looked at Nick. "Do you like eggs?"

"Nick likes anything he can chew and swallow," I said, one last stab of revenge sneaking out of my mouth.

Nick couldn't even argue with me. His mouth flapped helplessly.

"With cheese?" Leighanne enticed him.

I could see in his eyes, which flashed, that he was torn between hating her cos she was my girlfriend and loving her cos she knew how to work a frying pan. He swallowed.

Ten minutes later, Nick had eaten half a dozen scrambled eggs with enough ketchup to drown a whale. He had ketchup stuck to his chin and spilled on his shirt. He was forking the food into his mouth like it was a shovel. Cheese stuck to his chin.

Leighanne sat down next to me and hugged my arm. I saw Nick pause in his eating, staring at us. He put down the fork. Leighanne kissed my cheek. Nick looked longingly at his eggs. Leighanne nuzzled her nose against my neck. I continued chewing my eggs and "mmmm"-ed deeply.

When he stood up, I reached over with my fork. "You gonna finish those?" I asked.

Nick had a choice to make: he could hate Leighanne so much that he'd pass up his one true love in life (food)...or he could be a grown up eat the damn eggs. Nick hesitated. After a long pause, during which he must've weighed his options, he shook his head. "N- No," he muttered, and he ran to the back of the bus.

I shrugged and grinned at Leighanne. "All the more for me." I pulled his plate towards me and started eating the eggs of victory.

*****************

"What's up your ass?" J asked. Bri and Leigh had gone back to his bunk after her little egg- stravaganza. I had headed outside. I had used up all my tactics to stop them from getting dirty. I was sitting out in the sunshine feeling sorry for myself.

"Nothing," I scowled.

"I call bullshit."

Out of the corner of my eye I saw AJ look around quickly. He lowered his head and I heard the flick of a lighter. He greedily sucked on a cigarette. I held out my hand.

"What?"

"Gimme one."

J snorted. "Fuck no. This is my bad habit, not yours."

I scowled. "I freakin' need one."

"You don't need one until you get addicted, dipshit. I'm not going to be--"

I wrapped my arm around him and yanked the back out of the pants that were hanging off his ass. J made a grab but I plucked one out.

"Gimme your lighter," I said.

"No!"

"Don't make me double wedgie skillet you," I said.

J's sunglasses slid down his nose. "What the hell is a double wedgie skillet?"

"Do you really want to find out?"

He thought about it a second. With a smirk he held out his lighter. I smiled and lit the end of the cigarette. I loved when I won a battle; I especially loved when I won based on stuff I had just totally made up. I put the cig in my mouth and inhaled.

The first puff took my breath away. The smoke filled my lungs. I pulled the cig out, leaned forward and started coughing hard enough that I thought my chest was going to explode. J pounded on my back.

"The first puff is always the worst," J said. My eyes were watering. I blinked quickly.

I took a second puff.

I was pretty sure the second puff was just as hellacious as the first. I tried a third. A fourth. By the fifth, I was making little puff pictures in the air in front of me. I was also feeling slightly less pissy.

"Thanks, I needed that," I said. J and I tossed down our butts simultaneously and ground them out with our sneakers.

"Don't you dare tell Kev I gave you a cigarette," AJ warned. I pretended to zip my mouth. J laughed. His eyes darted to the bus.

"Bri getting it on with Leigh?"

I made a face. I didn't even want to hear her name. "Prolly," I said bitterly.

"Y'know, she's probably buttering him up so he'll finally listen to her," J mused.

"Listen to her about what?"

"Bri told me that she's really pushing him to get the heart surgery done. You know how stubborn Bri is about it. He doesn't want to admit anything's wrong."

"He would know," I said. "It should be his choice. Leigh's bossy."

"She loves him."

"If that's love, count me out," I said. I stood up. I was getting tired of having to think about Leighanne every second of the day.

"Catch ya later," I said.

"Later," AJ called.

We had a couple hours before we had to even think about getting ready to perform. The Taco Bell nearby was calling my name. With any luck I could find a cute girl to sit with while I enjoyed a Nachos Bell Grande. I'd give her a ticket to the show and maybe afterwards...

Afterwards I'd get a little scoop of girly satisfaction. If I was really lucky I'd find twins and enjoy TWO scoops.

At least a guy can dream, right?

Chapter 13


Leighanne and I were laying on the bus later that afternoon - it was one of our rare days off on tour - and watching a video Nick had left in the player. It was some kind of crazy zombie-Godzilla flick and Japanese cityfolk were running like crazy from a zombie dinosaur and screaming loudly as Tokyo fell subject to the stomping of the undead creature. Honestly, we'd stopped paying strict attention a long time ago. I was staring absently at the screen, though, stroking her shoulder, and breathing in the smell of her hair. Leighanne had her ear against my chest and was drawing a line down the center of it with her fingertip.

"Please?" she whispered.

Even though we hadn't been talking for the last couple hours and the subject hadn't even come up since she'd arrived the night before, I knew exactly what she was talking about. I shifted my head to look down at her, and she rolled her eyes up to look into mine. We stared at each other. Finally, I shook my head, "You're not gonna give that up, are you?" I asked, feeling slightly irritated. "I told you, Leigh, there's nothing wrong with my heart."

"Brian," she struggled to sit up and almost fell off the couch we were laying on. I caught her by the elbow and she rolled on top of me and stared down into my eyes. "I can hear it," she said, frowning, "Baby, I can hear there's something wrong. I'm just..." her eyes shifted to her finger tips. "Brian, I love you, I don't want you to die on me."

I smiled, "I'm not gonna die on you."

"You could," she argued.

"Honey, I'm fine," I insisted, "Really."

Leighanne was about to say something more when Nick came charging into the bus. Saved by the Blonde, I thought gratefully. Nick bounded into the living area where we were, and the room instantly stank of cigarette.

"Oh jeebus," I cried, "Nick -- You really shouldn't hang out with AJ when he smokes, you're starting to stink like it." I waved my hand in his general direction.

Nick's cheeks pinkened, but I didn't have time to wonder why. He broke into hyperspeed talking. "There's a Taco Bell, wanna go to Taco Bell Brian? Taco Bell has chalupas. I like chalupas, do you like chalupas? Why am I asking this? I know you like chalupas. Chalupas are CHALUPALICIOUS!"

Leighanne giggled, and Nick looked at her like he'd just realized she was there. He didn't extend the invitation to her though. "Oh Nick, if you love Taco Bell so much, you've gotta see this..." she jumped up off me and ducked out of the room.

Nick only half turned to see where she was going, then he turned back to me. "What do you say, bro?" he asked, flinging himself onto the floor next to the couch, his eyes wide, "WILL YOU COME TO TACO BELL WITH ME?" He was on his knees, he looked like he was proposing.

"I'm not really hungry..." I answered.

"You can time me - see how long it takes me to eat twenty tacos?"

"While that sounds absolutely thrilling," I started to tease him, but then Leighanne came back in the room with a teeny-tiny little dog. "Whoa!" I cried, my eyes widening.

Nick turned around and leaped to his feet. "What the fuck is that?" he demanded as Leighanne bent down and put the itty-bitty doggy on the floor.

I sat up. "Oh my gosh!" I cried as it wobbled towards Nick and I on long, spindle legs that looked like toothpicks. "You didn't tell me you brought Tyke!"

Nick looked at me, "What the fuck is a Tyke? Is that like a Tick?" he looked at the dog.

Lil Tyke moved closer towards us and Nick danced in place. "Dude, dude," he cried, staring down at it, "It's like a rat with Yoda's head!"

"Nick," I laughed as Tyke reached my feet. I scooped him up and hugged him to my chest. He was all warm. Nick was back-against the wall beside me, staring at Tyke with saucers for eyes. In fact, I think Nick's eyes were more bugged than Tyke's, which actually says quite a bit. "You're like an elephant with a mouse," I laughed.

Nick scowled.

"Wanna hold him?" I hoisted Tyke up.

"Fuck no!" Nick cried, "Jesus that thing is ugly as hell!"

"Aww," Leighanne pouted and came over to sit beside me on the couch. She reached over me and patted Tyke's back gently. "He's not uggggly," she whimpered. She pouted up at Nick, "He's a sweetheart. Give him a chance, you'll love him." She smiled.

Nick shook his head. Leighanne took Tyke and kissed the top of his head. "What the shit does that have to do with Taco Bell anyways?" he demanded.

"Dude, Nick..." I grabbed Tyke back from Leighanne, held him up and moved his paw as I spoke, "DROP THE CHALUPA."

Nick's eyes widened. "Oh my God, it's gonna steal my FOOD?" Leighanne cracked up and Nick's face turned stoney. "What? I need my food."

"No, Nicky, it's an advertising campaign," I explained, "You've never seen the ads for Taco Bell with the chihuahua?"

"The whatsa-whatsy-wha?" Nick asked.

"CHEE-WAAAAH-WAAAAAH," I said slowly.

Nick's eyebrows cinched together. "Chiapet?"

Leighanne was in stitches beside me. I grinned. "It's okay, Nick. You're cute. The girls will still like you."

Nick pouted. "Well I'm going to Taco Bell," he said, staring at Tyke as he slunk across the room toward the door. He hesitated at the door. "You sure you don't wanna come, Brian?" he looked over at me with pleading eyes.

I pulled Tyke to my chest. I was tired. Honestly, Leighanne was right, I did need to get my heart checked. I'd had low energy levels lately. The concerts were draining me and I didn't really feel like leaving the bus. Plus, as much as I love Nick, he's really tiring sometimes. Especially since I didn't dare to tell him that my heart really was bothering me lately. I knew he'd worry too much. I felt like I was protecting him by keeping it a secret from him.

"I'm really not hungry," I answered. "Thanks though."

Nick's mouth drooped into a frown.

"I could go for some Taco Bell, Nick," Leighanne announced, standing up. I blinked in surprise. Nick's head snapped up and he looked at her with a shocked look on his face. "I'll go with you," she continued, smiling.

"Leighanne..." I muttered. "I don't feel like going..." I said the words pleadingly.

"Stay here, then," she answered. She smiled at Nick. "Me and Nicky will go."

Nick's eyes bolted between me and Leighanne like he was watching a pingpong match. "Uh- I -" he stammered.

Leighanne crossed the room and tossed an arm over his shoulder. What she could reach of it anyways. She grinned up at him. "You and me, amigo," she said, "What do you say?"

"Uncle," Nick muttered.

"What?" Leighanne asked, not hearing his murmuring.

Suddenly, Nick's eyes darkened and a sinister grin clouded over his face. "I said,... YAY! LETS GO," Nick answered.

I watched as Leighanne cheerfully followed Nick off the bus, and wondered if he'd bring her back in one piece...


*****************

So many scenarios ran through my head as Leighanne and I stepped off the bus. In one, Leighanne just happened to trip in front of an RV filled with horny college cheerleaders wearing teeny tiny skirts going from city to city selling Thin Mint cookies. In another, Leighanne would bump into Danny Devito or who-the-hell-ever she was engaged to before she got her mitts on Brian and would run off to spend eternity grinding up on old wrinkly balls. In another--

"Brian loves Nachos Bell Grande," Leighanne said happily.

"Nu-uh. He loves hard shell tacos. Not the supremes, just the regulars. 'Cause you can buy a million of them for like five bucks."

Leighanne laughed. "I'll get him both."

I frowned. I didn't trust her for a minute. She was like a...a...Jezebe l! Yeah, that was it.

"Hey Leighanne?" I asked slowly. She looked at me. "Yeah?"

"What do you think about llamas?"

"Llamas?" she asked. I nodded. This was the make-or-break question.

"Well..." she paused. "I think they're really cute! Have you ever seen that book Is Your Mama a Llama?"

I sighed. My worst suspicions were confirmed. I just shook my head.

Leighanne rambled about llamas and Brian for the rest of the way to Taco Bell. I was never so happy in all my life when the girl behind the counter asked what she could get for me.

"Ten hard shell taco supremes, five soft shell tacos un-supreme, a cinnamon fry, a chicken quesadilla, and a Diet Coke."

Leighanne giggled. I looked at her grumpily.

"I like that you ordered a Diet Coke," she said. I snorted.

I stepped aside while Leigh ordered some stuff. From the sound of it, she should have just ordered a head of lettuce with a ketchup-size cup for a meat. I busied myself filling up my drink. "Hey Nick?"

I looked over at her. She was pressing her cup and Brian's to her jugs.

"Sup?"

Her face turned serious. "I have to admit I had an ulterior motive for coming here with you," she said.

I couldn't stop my eyebrow from lifting. What the hell?

Then I realized what she meant. Oh-my-cougar-sniffing-gawd. Leighanne was hot for me. She wanted the Carter cobra. Or---or---crap, she didn't want a threesome did she? Bri was my bro, but I didn't love him that much. Two girls and me, yes, but--

"I really need some support to get Brian to go in for surgery," she said.

I stared at her blankly. "Surgery?" I asked dumbly. I was still stuck on her having the hots for me. I knew Bri wasn't as loaded as I was, but I didn't think they did surgery for that...

"For his heart," she said. Her voice cracked. "He looks so tired. So weak. I'm just terrified he's going to push so hard he's going to die."

I was speechless. My mouth hung open. Leighanne was staring at me with big blue eyes.

"Er--" I finally said. I was saved by the counter girl calling my order number.

"Oh good, I'm starving!" I said loudly. I grabbed all of the plastic bags. The girl called Leighanne's number a second later.

"Nick, can you at least promise me you'll keep an eye on him?"

I turned. Leighanne was really serious. As much as I disliked her, I found myself nodding. She gave me a sparkly smile.

"Nick, you're the best!"

Of course I was. We headed back to the bus. It's amazing how everyone 'magically' appears once food arrives. I was licking nacho cheese sauce off my fingers when my cell phone made a weird noise. I had picked up a phone while we were at the Mall of the United States. I just hadn't told anyone yet. Actually, I hadn't figured it out yet. I studied the screen. Somehow it had gotten itself into record mode. I took off towards the bathroom, still licking cheese sauce off my fingers. I fiddled with the buttons. After a minute, a screech was heard and then the words--

"Nick, you're the best!"

Taken out of context it sounded kinda dirty. I played it back again. I put the phone down and washed my hands.

All my other traps had failed. But Bri was more sensitive than Leighanne. I had a feeling he was the more jealous one in the relationship. If I just happened to say that Leighanne had come onto me and then I reluctantly played the sound clip...

I smiled. It just might work. If Bri thought Leighanne was macking on his best friend, that wouldn't sit well. Then I'd have the old Bri back.

I was excited. I had another plan!

Mwhahahahahahaha!

I was asleep when Leighanne and Nick came back from Taco Bell. The ache in my chest had settled itself in and I couldn't move my arms without a dull sort of stretching pain filling me. It was the weirdest feeling. I just wanted to sleep.

But that is, of course, impossible to do, wen you've got Nick Carter for a room mate.

"TACOS!" he screamed the minute they got back onto the bus.

I stretched, my back protesting, my chest tight, and winced. I sat up and forced a smile onto my face, and just in time, too - Leighanne and Nick bust into the living area, donned with plastic Taco Bell take-out bags. Leighanne lowered herself on the sofa next to me and started pulling out Nachos and hard shell tacos. My favorites. Now that they were here there was maybe a little bit of room in my stomach for it...

A few minutes - and many tacos - later, Nick stood up and wiggled his juicy, cheesy fingers in our direction. "Gotta go wash the digits," he announced and disappeared into the bathroom.

"So was he... I dunno, human?" I asked, trying to come up with an adjective for Nick's behavior.

Leighanne laughed. "Nick's a doll," she answered. She smiled at me. She reached up and touche my jaw bone. "I really wish you'd listen," she whispered.

Not this crap again.

"I reallyam fine," I argued.

Leighanne sighed, but she dropped it and turned back to the food. "So Nick ordered all this fattening food, right?" she started -

"And then ordered a diet Coke?" I predicted, interrupting her.

Leighanne laughed. "What the hell is the thought process behind that?"

I shrugged, "Who knows. It's Nick." Leighanne laughed.

Nick came back out of the bathroom with a strange expression on his face and lowered himself back down into the seat where all his food was. He glanced my way, and I had a hard time trying to figure out if it was because of something evil he'd done, or if it was because of something that was legitimately bothering him. "What's up, dude?" I asked.

Nick shrugged and grabbed a taco. I glanced at Leighanne, who shrugged.

"You okay?" I asked.

Nick picked at the taco, stripping its lettuce off. "Uh huh..." he muttered quietly.

I eyeballed him. "Nick..." I said.

He swallowed a bite of taco he'd just taken. Then he glanced at Leighanne. He looked back at me. "Brian, I needa talk to you," he said. He paused. "It's kinda serious."

I looked at Leighanne too. Her cheeks were pink. She stood up. "I think I know what this is about, and I'm gonna let you boys have some private time." She smiled at Nick, then scrambled off the bus.

I looked at Nick. "What the hell is going on?" I asked.

Nick bit his lower lip. "I- I..." he paused. "No yanno what, I can't."

"Nick, I'm okay, really," I said, assuming he was about to bring up my heart." Leighanne is overreacting...."

"She tried to seduce me and sex me up at Taco Bell!" Nick wailed suddenly, a mouthful of words tumbling out of his face at once.

I stared at him. "What?"

"Leighanne... she wants me... she wanted sex at Taco Bell in the bathroom..." he paused. "I- I feel - I'm sorry..." he looked down at the tacos.

"It's a misunderstanding, Nick," I laughed.

Nick pulled a cell phone out of his pocket -- who the hell knew he even HAD a cell phone? -- and he held it out to me. "I- it recorded the - what she said..."

"Nick, Leighanne did not try to sex you up at Taco Be--"

His thumb pressed play.

"Nick you're the best..."

Leighanne's husky voice filled the air between us.

I stared at Nick's hand. I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me. I rubbed my chest.

"I'm sorry," Nick said quietly, looking at his lap. "I- I told her not to... To get offa me..." He looked up at me with those puppy eyes of his. "She was like all over me... saying how great I am..." He paused. "You know, I think she like wanted a ... a uh.. yanno, a threesome."

I looked up at Nick the moment the words were out of his mouth. Our eyes locked.


**************

I knew Brian well. There was no way in hell he would even consider a threesome. Not even with two girls. He was just Jesus-fied like that.

"Nick," Bri said slowly. "Tell me exactly what happened."

Ugh, it was bad enough lying to him the first time. I shifted uncomfortably and stuffed some more lettuce in my mouth.

"She was petting me. Y'know my arm. And her boobs were all like there and then she said I was the best and she was getting all goo-goo eyed and..."

Bri looked like he was going to be sick. Even so, he took my phone and pressed play again.

"Nick you're the best...Nick you're the best..."

"I can't believe this," he said. He didn't look good. He was all clammy...and pale.

Maybe Leighanne did have a point about his heart.

"Scuse me," he said.

Before I could stop him, he left the bus.

I know I should have given them privacy, but my curiosity got the best of me. I found a window near where they were standing and cranked it open.

"Nick? No, there's no way--"

"I heard you!"

"You've got it all wrong. This is about your heart--"

"I've told you a million times. There's nothing wrong with my heart!"

"Brian, I can't date someone who won't take care of himself. I can't bare to lose--"

"Leigh, you don't have to worry about dating me anymore. I think we just need to take a break."

There was a heavy silence. My mouth fell open. Did I hear him right?

"Bri..."

"Leigh," his voice was thick. "I love you, but I can't have you harping about this surgery thing. I'm not getting it done and that's that. Plus, I don't like this whole Nick thing--"

"There ISN'T a Nick thing! Where is he?"

I flew from the window. I dove for the safety of my bunk. I yanked the curtain back, crawled in, and flipped the curtain shut.

After a minute or so, I was kinda bummed I hadn't brought a taco with me. I took off my sock and started to pick my toe.

"Fine!"

Leighanne's teary voice made me jump. I heard a curtain fly open, but it wasn't mine.

"You don't have to go so soon," Bri said awkwardly.

"Why would I stay?" she sobbed. "You said it yourself. We're taking a break."

Brian sighed. "Leigh, I just--"

There was a huge sniffle. "NO. Call me if you change your mind about the surgery. Brian Littrell you have so much to give this world. You deserve more time down here with the people who love you. And...and...damnit I love you."

I heard her clippy-cloppy shoes walking away. There was a creaking of a mattress. Bri didn't go after her.

Woah. That was...intense. It was weird, but I didn't feel so happy about the two of them breaking up as I thought I would. I pulled the curtain back a little bit. Bri had his head in his hands.

"Bri-iaaan," I whispered. He looked at me. I could see the tears welling up. "It's going to be okay," I said. He gave me a weak smile.

"I know what I'm doing," he said. I nodded. I fully supported his decisions. It was just like a woman to try to act like they knew everything.

A real man made his own decisions.

Chapter Fifteen

"Brian...?" Nick's voice was quiet, tentative.

I didn't move.

"Brian?" I felt his finger tap me on the shoulder. "Please get up, Brian," he begged. I could hear the desperation in his voice.

I sighed, "I don't feel good, Nick, please... Just leave me alone." I hugged my knees to my chest and closed my eyes.

"You haven't felt good in like a week, BRok," he argued, "Please?"

"I'm tired Nick, leave me alone."

"You're just sad about Leighanne," he countered, "You're not gonna get over her until you do something besides think about her..."

I closed my eyes at the name, a stinging pain shot through my chest and I sucked in my breath.

"Brian?" Nick's voice sounded concerned.

"I don't wanna hear that name."

"Sorry," he mumbled.

He was quiet for a few minutes. In fact, I thought he'd gone, that's how quiet he was. Then he sat down on the edge of the sofa behind me. "Brian, please talk to me. Please."

His voice was sad. I sighed and pushed myself up. My chest felt like it'd been sewn to the cushions. I turned to look at him once I'd wiped the wince off my face. I stared right into his eyes. They were bright, bright blue. "What, Nick?" I asked.

Nick eye-balled me. "I'm sorry she left," he offered.

"I'm sure you are," I muttered.

Nick hung his head.

"I'm sorry, I know its not your fault, you did the right thing, telling me the truth." Nick's lower lip clamped under his teeth and he stared at me. "I'm glad I know. Really."

Nick slid off the sofa and onto the floor and sighed and rested his chin on his knees.

I rolled back over.

"Bri, can we please do something?" he begged.

"I'm tired Nick," I answered, "Maybe tomorrow."

"You're always tired now," he argued.

"We work hard, Nick, okay?"

"Why don't you call her?" he asked.

"No. She tried to cheat on me - and with my best friend no less," I scowled.

Nick stared at his toes.

"I just wanna be alone," I explained. "You wouldn't understand."

"Can you be alone together?" he asked.

I stared at Nick. This question would only make sense to him. "I guess," I relented. He lay down on the floor and silence fell over us again.

"Brian?" he asked finally.

"Yeah?"

Nick's eyes peeked over the edge of the sofa cushion. "Is there something wrong with your heart?"

It was easier to lie to Leighanne about my heart than it was Nick. I guess it was because I could feel him analyzing me. I hesitated. "Not really," I ventured.

"Then why is --" he paused, "The L-word so worried about it?"

"She's... neurotic," I said slowly, "I guess."

Nick stared at me, his blue eyes hesitant. "You'd tell me if there was somethin' wrong, right?"

"Uh huh," I muttered.

"Okay." Nick lay back down.

After a long time had passed, I said slowly, "Nick...?"

"Hm?"

"Thank you."

"For what?" he asked.

"For telling me the truth."

Nick bit his lower lip. "Brian..."

"No Nick. I really appreciate it." I smiled at him. "You're my best friend. If I can't trust you, who else can I trust?" I ruffled his hair. "I love ya lil bro."

******** Son of a biscuit and gravy. The guilt was eating at me. It hadn't even been that long and yet Brian's pathetic down-in-the-dumps attitude was more than I could stand. I rubbed my neck. Brian ruffled my hair again.

"Brian..."

He sighed and rolled over. I didn't know if someone could die over a broken heart, but if anyone could, my money was on Bri.

I sprawled out on the floor for a good long time. Only after I heard Brian's breathing grow steady and slow did I scramble up. The drivers had stopped to eat. I hopped off the bus and looked around. I needed advice.

I needed 'the brows.'

I found him sitting in the diner hunched over a cup of coffee. I scrambled up on the chair beside him.

"Kev, I need help. I did something bad, real bad. Brian's dying and--"

"Wait. What? Did you say Brian's dying?"

"Well, maybe."

Kev rolled his eyes. "What's this about?"

I shifted uncomfortably. "I might have lied a little bit about Leighanne coming onto me," I said. The big break-up was no big secret; Brian was the type of guy that didn't hesitate to share his issues. Well, except about his heart. I was beginning to think Leighanne had a point...

"Explain 'a little bit,'" Kevin said with a frown.

"Well I might have taken her words out of context and played them back with some made-up story about how Leighanne wanted my bod," I rambled.

"NICK!"

"What? I don't like her!"

"Did you ever stop and think that everything isn't about you?"

Damn. What a way to put it. I shrugged. "I dunno. I mean, Bri had his ear stuck to his phone all the time and he was distracted and this is like my FIRST trip without mom around and I just wanted fun! I'm not having fun Kev!"

"So you just decided to ruin his relationship? That's low Nick."

I sighed. I grabbed his coffee and took a sip. I made a face. He never put sugar in anything.

"I know. That's why I'm talking to you. I feel kinda BAD."

"You know what you need to do then don't you?"

I blinked. "No?"

For a moment I was sure he was going to smack me. His heavy brows became one single angry line.

"You need to tell Brian the truth."

I hung my head. "Damnit, I knew you'd say that."

I slid off the stool slowly. Kevin watched me.

"If you don't, I'm going to have to," he warned. I waved my hand.

"Yeah, yeah."

My walk back to the bus was slow. I scuffed my sneakers onto the blacktop. I didn't want Brian mad at me. How the hell did I always get myself into stuff like this?

Part of me hoped Brian was still sleeping. I took the steps slowly. It was dark. I reached up and turned on some of our low-lights. After a few flickers, they switched on. My eyes widened.

The prettiest girl I'd ever seen in my life was walking through our bus. When she saw me, her eyes got HUGE.

"Uh, hello?"

She responded by taking off her shirt.

I kinda forgot what I was supposed to do right then and there.

Chapter Sixteen

You know in the movies when they have those weird sequences where someone's dreaming of kissing their girlfriend or wife or whatever and they wake up and they're in bed with the dog? Okay, so I fell asleep on poor Nick, right, and I had this dream about Leighanne and she had Lil Tyk with her and we were laying on the sofa and Tyk was climbing all over me with his spindley little legs and then he started licking my neck and I was like "stop it Tyk, stop it" and laughing.

See then I woke up, remembered Leighanne had left - and had therefore taken Tyk with her - and I was supposed to be alone.

Thing is, if I'm supposed to be alone then the licking of my neck should've stopped.

It didn't.

I rolled over, ready to clock Nick in the head for being a frickin' weirdo - cos let's face it now, he totally would do something freaky like lick me in the neck - and instead I find myself face to face with a Greek Goddess of Fertility and Beauty.

I stared blankly at the most gorgeous woman in the world - other than Leighanne of course - and tried to convince myself I was dreaming. And also tried to figure out why the goddess had been licking my neck.

"Can I have your autograph?" she whispered.

"NIIIIIICK!!!" I cried.

But Nick had evidently left.

SHIT.

I leaped off the sofa and scurried into the bathroom and slammed the door shut and locked it. I scrambled for my cell phone out of my pants and quickly tapped out Nick's cell phone number. I could hear the stupid miditone playing from his bunk. "What the crap is the point of having a doggone cell if you dont keep it on you?" I muttered as I hung it up. It beeped for a missed call. I tried to remember the head of security's cell phone number. Curses for not storing info into your contacts list, I thought to myself.

"Brian Littrell, please let me have your autograph!" called the goddess-slash-fan.

I stared at my phone in desperation.

I hesitated.

Then I did it.

"9-1-1, what is your emergency?" came the sweet voiced lady on the other end of the line.

"Hey my name is Brian and I'm stuck on a bus with a woman."

There was a long pause. "Excuse me?"

"I'm Brian Littrell... the Backstreet Boy... um and I'm stuck, on my tour bus. There's like a woman, like a fan, and I dunno, I guess she broke into the bus..."

"Does she have a weapon?"

"Do good looks count?"

"Sir, are you sure this is an emergency?"

I blinked. "YES I'm sure," I answered, a bit irked. Didn't it sound like an emergency?

"Why don't you just ask her to leave honey?" she asked.

"Because this woman probably climbed over barbed wire fences to rape and pillage me, don't you get it? Our fans - they aren't sane."

The woman grew silent. "Where are your buses parked, sir?" she asked.

I thought a moment. "Uhh.."

"Sir?"

"Hold on, gimme a minute."

I looked around. The only window in the bus of the bathroom wasnt really a window at all, it was an air vent that was built in over the shower stall. I tucked the phone into my breast pocket and climbed into the shower stall and looked around, trying to see a way to boost myself up. I stepped on the faucet, holding onto the curtain rod bar, and grabbed onto the vent. I pulled. Using my sneakers soles as traction, I "ran" up the inside of the shower vent until I'd basically performed the most complicated pull up in the history of Backstreet kind.

My chest was definitely screaming in protest, but I peeked out long enough to see a Starbucks and a Walmart. I dropped from the vent and landed awkwardly on my feet at the bottom of the shower.

"There's a Walmart and a Starbucks," I answered at last.

"I'll send an officer right over," she answered.

"Thank you." Without waiting for a response, I closed my phone and tucked it back into my pants pocket. I rubbed my chest and took deep breaths.

That's when I noticed how quiet it was outside the bathroom.

I reached for the handle of the door and inched it open, half expecting like a horrible horror-movie-esque sequence involving the goddess-fan-turned-werewolf, but the hallway in front of the bathroom door was empty. I paused. "Hello?" I ventured.

I peeked around the corner.

"Ah, oh God!" I heard Nick wailing.

I stepped into the hall and blinked in surprise. "What in the hell....."

**************

She had the rack for heaven. If I was a dog, I probably would have already been humping her. The only thing that stopped me was the crazy glint in her eye.

"Can I have your autograph?" the hot girl asked.

"Do you want it on your shirt?" I squeaked.

The goddess-of-all-amazingness shook her head no. She stepped towards me.

"Um, did you bring a pen?"

Again she shook her head. I stepped backwards.

"Don't go," she pleaded.

I glanced towards the couch. Brian was gone. I suddenly thought the worst. Brian was probably hanging upside down in the shower, the blood draining from his body. This...this..thing was some type of succubus. I was going to get raped and then murdered.

"Uh...uh...uh.. ." I grunted. I turned and flew towards the door.

I wasn't fast enough. Boobie girl tackled me and we hit the floor. She clawed at my t-shirt. There was a sickening ripping sound.

"Ah, oh God!" I wailed.

"I WANT YOUR BABIES!" the girl screamed. My poor hair was yanked. She started pawing me like I was a piece of meat.

"I DON'T WANT BABIES!" I shrieked. "GET OFF! GET OFF!"

"Let him go!"

The sound of Brian's voice was like heaven. Boobie girl was momentarily distracted.

"I'm...I'm not afraid to use this!"

Brian was holding one of those foam baseball bats; y'know, like the kind you give little kids that could potentially get a concussion if they used a wooden one. Boobie girl didn't seem impressed. She turned back to me. Her hand flew towards my crotch.

Little stars erupted in my eyes. I gurgled. This girl wasn't playing around.

"AHHHHH!" Brian screamed.

All of a sudden I had a girl trying to hump me through my jeans, Brian hovering over us - half the time hitting boobie girl and the other half of the time hitting me, and I was pretty sure I was missing at least one of my balls.

I didn't even hear the sirens. Boobie girl was grunting at me and Brian was yodeling louder than Xena the Warrior Princess. What I did see were heavy black boots.

"FREEZE!"

An hour later Bri and I were sitting side-by-side on the couch. The bus was bouncing down the road.

"That was...interesting," Brian said. I snorted.

"You weren't the one that got his cajones squeezed within an inch of their life."

"Well you said you didn't want kids," Bri said. "Besides she licked me."

We both shuddered. I sighed.

"Hey Bri?"

"Yeah?"

I was tired. I was sore. But I knew I couldn't sleep. Not until...

"I kinda have somethin' to tell ya."

Chapter 17


"I kinda have something to tell ya," Nick said.

"What? Did she really rip one of your balls off? Are you only half man?" I giggled at the idea of it. Nick's blue eyes filled with tears. "Aw bud, what'sa matter?" I teased him, "It's okay, they can put it back on... They have surgeries for stuff like that now..."
Nick's eyes leveled with mine. "No, Bri," he whispered, sadly. "It's not that. I -" he hesitated.

"Nicky, you know you can tell me anything."

He took a deep breath. "Yanno how Leighanne hit on me and called me great and had her boobs in my face and hit on me and stuff?" I stiffened. Nick looked at his hands. "Well, I... I... I lied." He slid across the sofa from me and cowered.

I didn't move.

"Bri?"

I looked up. "What?"

"I lied?"

"You lied?"

Nick hesitated. "....yes."

I stood up. Nick watched me as I moved to his bunk, ripped open the curtain and started grabbing his stuff. Nick blinked. "What're you doing?" he asked, his voice rising a little bit as I grabbed a handful of his comic books and a teddy bear that he'd been carrying around as long as I knew him. I shoved them into the giant oaf of a bag he had taking up the bunk under his with all his crap that he still hadn't unpacked.

My hands were shaking. I felt a little bit crazy.

"Brian?"

I couldn't answer him. I couldn't even LOOK at him. I felt like I was about to melt. My insides were buzzing like they were on some kind of ultrasonic soundwave and my palms were sweating. I snatched a pair of sneakers and shoved them into the bag and the remainder of the freaking air fresheners and his boxes of fricking dingdongs and hohos and twinkies and condoms and his fucking gameboy...

"Brian!" Nick was at my side, "Frick, what're you doing?" he begged.

"YOU'RE MOVING OUT," I yelled, spit flying off my lips. I couldn't help it. Nick blinked.

"I'm what?"

"I'm trading you in, I want Howie."

"Brian I--"

"I WANT HOWIE!" I bellowed.

"But Brian --"

"SHUT UP!" I yelled.

Nick blinked, the tears in his eyes again. "Brian I'm so--"

"DON'T KEEP LYING TO ME!" I yelled, jabbing him in the chest with my finger, "When this fucking bus stops, I want you OFF and OUT OF MY SIGHT."

"BRIAN," Nick wailed.

I turned on my heels and beelined for the bathroom, "Don't talk to me."

"BRIAN PLEASE! I made a mistake! She was stealing you from me... I'm your best friend and--"

"You USED to be my best friend," I corrected, spinning on him. He almost collided with me, "Now you're a LIAR." I shoved into the bathroom and slammed the door shut in his face and locked it and sank to my feet on the carpet. My head banged against the door and I reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone.

I didnt' dare call her yet.

I hugged my knees to my chest. I was a little dizzy, but I could feel my blood pressure dropping. I took deep breaths. I was gonna be okay. Really.... Just as soon as Nick Carter was off of my bus.



When the buses stopped an hour later outside of a Chic-Fil-A, Kevin's eyes nearly bugged out of his head when I came out of the bus hauling Nick's bag of crap towards him. Nick was following along. "Brian, please, Brian, Brian! BRIAN! Please!!!" he was begging me.

I dropped the bag at Kevin's feet. "THIS," I pointed at Nick, "Is YOURS. I don't want him ANYWHERE NEAR ME anymore." I turned back to the bus.

"Uh.. Brian?" Kevin sounded confused, but I didn't stop. I was just climbing onto the bus when I heard him say, "Now what'd you do, you lil shmuck?"

************

"I told the truth," I said. I was trying not to cry. My junk still hurt and now Brian hated me. My comics were probably wrinkled beyond saving. I wiped my face on the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

"I. Want. HOWIE," Brian huffed.

"What?" D asked. His head poked out of the bus.

"I want you," Bri said. He pointed a shaking finger at Howie. D's eyes widened.

"Uh...what?"

Kevin watched me closely. "Howie, you and Nick are going to switch busses."

"Why?"

"Don't ask," Bri said. He gave me a hateful look, turned and headed towards the bus.

"What did Nick do?" Howie asked.

"Why does everyone always think it's me?!" I wailed.

"Cause it's always you," J said. His dark head poked out of the window. "Do you have any good stuff in that bag?"

I sighed. Kevin at least took pity on me to help me lug my bag up on the bus. Psycho Howie only took about a minute to transfer his stuff. I swear to God he has things color coded. He gave me a look.

"How pissed is Brian on a scale of 1 to 10?"

"About a 20," I said. Howie crossed himself and jumped down.

I wasn't on the bus five minutes before Kevin decided to pull rank.

"Bus rules. Clean up after yourself. No girls. No drinking. No smoking."

J and I shared a look. Kevin headed towards the bathroom.

"He's worse than my mom," AJ whispered.

"I heard that!"

I shuffled towards the bunk Howie had abandoned. I didn't really care about rules. I had hoped that telling the truth would have made me feel better.

Now I felt even WORSE. I tossed my crap into my bunk. I didn't have near as much space. I was going to have to sleep all curled up in the fetal position. I was lamenting this turn of events when AJ wrapped his arms around my neck.

"Don't be too upset. I've already had girls. Lots of girls. Just slip one of these in Kevin's coffee."

AJ handed me a pill. I looked at it in confusion.

"Mild sleepy sleepy pill. He's grumpy when he wakes up, but it's SO worth it."

I sighed. The way things were going, I was going to need the sleeping pill.

I didn't want to wake up until Bri could even REMOTELY forgive me.

"Hey, c'mon it's not that bad. You're acting like you broke up with your girlfriend."

"But it's Bri."

"So? You're more obsessed with him than Leighanne was," J remarked. I groaned.

"DON'T. SAY. THE. NAME."

CHAPTER 18


"And then is the purple socks... They get mixed up easy with the brown socks, so you kind of have to break rank here and include them in with the pink ones so they don't end up mixing up with brown... There's nothing worse than putting on one brown sock and one purple sock..." Howie chuckled.

I was praying for an earthquake. Or maybe a tsunami. Tornado? Anything. ANYTHING to make Howie shut up.

"Are you paying attention?" Howie asked.

Howie had been organizing everything in the entire bus since he'd gotten on it three days ago. He'd organized all his crap, then he'd alphabetized the fridge and the pile of VHS tapes that were actually mine and were left behind when Nick moved out. He organized the cupboards of food by which part of the pyramid they went on. I'd watched him fold the toilet paper into triangles and use a little hand held vacuum on his bunk mattress every morning before making his bed. Now, he had cleaned everything else, he was moving in on me and my stuff and he was now color coordinating my sock drawer so that it matched my underwear drawer.

"Brian?" Howie clicked his fingers in front of my face.

"I'm gonna go outside," I answered. I grabbed my basketball out of the bunk and jumped down.

Howie eyeballed me, "Okay but we finish this lesson later, don't think you're off the hook, your socks are a mess!"

"Yeah okay."

I got outside into the fresh air and shook the Howie off me. I felt like I was being infiltrated. I started dribbling the ball. The chainlinked fence that surrounded the buses was lined by pretty girls yelling in some language I couldn't understand. I concentrated on the ball, trying to ignore them. My chest was hurting again.

It had been getting worse and worse. I still hadn't called Leighanne. As much as I wanted to, all I could remember was her telling me to call her only if I was getting my heart fixed and I wasn't doing that. I was fine. It was just a little ache, it wasn't that bad, really.

"GO OUTSIDE, GET FRESH AIR. FRESH AIR IS GOOOOOOD." Kevin's voice carried around the side of the other bus. "It's GOOD for you and it's even BETTER for ME if you get fresh air. Jesus, I swear to God you haven't shut up in the last 3 days, just go outside."

"But Kevin, I--"

I groaned. HIM.

I dribbled the ball away from the bus, planning on going over and talking to the fans. He'd never venture that close to the fans. He was scared of fans ever since the psychotic one had gotten on our bus and taken his manhood with her.

"Brian?" I heard him call, a hopeful tone in his voice. I didn't stop. "Hey, can I play?" he asked.

I turned and lobbed the ball at his face. With lightening fast reflexes, he caught it. "Hey what the hell man, you couldda broke the face," he said, jokingly.

"What do you thinK I was trying to do?" I asked, scathingly.

Nick froze. He stared at me. "Brian, I--"

"Well come on, you wanna play? PLAY then," I held up my hands. Determination was coursing through my veins.

Nick blinked at me. "Brian I dunno if--"

"PLAY DAMMIT."

Nick quickly started dribbling the ball, "Bri you're angry, can't we talk it ou--"

I launched myself at him, and stole the ball from him. With a couple swift moves I slammed it through a hoop that was hanging off the side of the venue. Nick looked stupified. I shoved the ball back to him. "1-0," I said.

"Brian..." Nick started dribbling again, "I--"

Again, I repeated the maneuver, stole the ball and slammed it. "2-0," I said.

Nick gawked at me. "BRok, look I don't care who wins, I just wanna talk to you."

"Whatsa matter? Too fat to play?" I teased, patting his tummy.

Nick scowled. "Brian, I-"

I puckered out my lower lip and spoke in baby-talk. "C'mon, I'll go easy on you, poor baby Nicky..."

A fire lit up in Nick's eyes. I'd gotten him going now. He stamped the ground like a bull. "Fine. Let's do this."

The fans screamed as we played hardcore ball for several long minutes, banging into each other and stealing the ball from one another. Finally I broke away from him and I went to slam it into the net and Nick jumped up and blocked the shot. The ball hit the ground. "TAKE THAT," Nick bellowed in my face.

"I'm still 2 up on you," I snapped.

Nick laughed, "Not for long."

Again, we scuffled and banged into each other. And again I managed to dribble the ball between Nick's legs, bolt around him and grab it and break away. This time, though, when I jumped, something happened.

A shoot of pain went from my shoulder, down my arm and into my hand. "Ummph!" I hit the ground, my chin scraping on the tar. I clutched my chest, wincing and pulling my knees up, rolling onto my side. Blood trickled out of my chin.

Nick slammed the ball through the hoop. "YEAH!! 2-1!! WHOO!" He stopped. "Brian? ...BRIAN?"

I couldn't breathe.

**************** "BRIAN?!"

This was bad. Real bad. This wasn't just a 'whoops, I tripped over my shoelaces' kind of thing. Bri was curled up in the fetal position. He had little bits of gravel stuck to his chin and there was blood all over the place. His face was etched in pain.

I didn't even realize I had dropped the ball. I hit the ground on all fours and crawled over to him. Half the girls were screaming; the ones closer to the front had gotten quiet. A few were crying.

"Bri, talk to me," I said. His eyes were kinda glassy. My first thought was that I had killed him with my mad b-ball skills. Then I heard Leighanne's voice come from the recesses of my brain.

His heart.

"HELP!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. "HELP!!!"

I heard three pairs of feet running towards us. Kevin got to us first. He crouched down.

"Don't move him," Kev instructed. He turned. "Call 9-1-1."

"Already on it," Howie said.

"What can I do?" J asked.

Kev looked like he might pass out. If he looked that bad, I hated to know how I looked. I tore off my shirt and pressed it to Bri's chin.

A strange look came over Bri's face. For just a second, his eyes focused.

"What---stinks?" he asked. Before I could take my sweaty shirt off his face, his eyes closed.

"HE'S DEAD!!!" I wailed.

"YOU KILLED HIM WITH YOUR STENCH!" J bellowed.

God, what a horrible way to go. I could just imagine his mom pleading with me to tell her the last words her baby boy ever said.

And I would have to tell her they were 'What stinks?'

"He's not dead, dumbshit," Kevin barked. His fingers were pressed to Bri's neck. "His heart's beating irratically."

"Well raticate it!"

"Nick, shut up!"

"Ambulance is on its way!" Howie yelled from across the way. Security was finally pushing fans back. Someone had found some large sheets of metal that they were putting up as a pseudo-fence. I leaned close to Bri's ear.

"It's going to be okay," I said. I patted his arm, not sure if he could even feel it. "You won the game. It's okay."

"Do you really think he cares who won a basketball game right now?" Kevin asked. I could tell he was one second away from becoming a human sparkler. J was taking slow little steps back.

"Well, what do you want me to say?" I whined. I fidgeted. I had blood on my fingers. Bri's blood. I was sure the ambulance was going to be horse-drawn it was taking so long. Kevin kept listening to Brian's breathing and checking his pulse. Just when I thought I couldn't take it any long, a burst of sirens flew on the scene.

I stood up and watched helplessly as the paramedics loaded Bri up onto a stretcher. His body was so rigid; they had to work to get him flat on his back. J stood by me, hovering uncertainly. Kevin climbed into the back of the ambulance with Bri. I watched the doors close; it seemed to happen in slow-motion. As the medics hopped in the vehicle, I turned and headed towards the bus.

"Where are you going?" AJ asked.

I wiped my face with my shirt. It really did stink. I didn't turn around; I wouldn't be able to stop until I did what I knew I needed to do.

"I have a phone call to make."

Chapter Nineteen

I never told anyone this, but when I was laying there on the tar after the fall, I'm pretty sure I had a near death experience.

See, I felt like I was falling long after I'd hit the tar. My body felt disconnected from me somehow and I saw pictures of my life flash through my memory, like little movies or something. I remembered things I never thought I'd think of again - like a stuffed duck I had when I was a child, or the last time I rode my bike with training wheels. Things like that.

Then I saw light.

It was like a swirling vortex tunnel and there was light far away down the end of it, and I was shooting, like a meteor, towards that light. I was sooo, sooo close to it, close enough that I reached out, certain I would touch it....

And then the most freaking disgusting smell filled my nostrils and I gagged and landed with a earth-rocking THUD back in my body on the tar with the pain and the pain and the more pain... "What--stinks?" I moaned.

Seriously, I thought, I go from Heaven to Nick's dirty laundry hamper in less than 3 seconds? How does that happen?

Then I blacked out.

Beep... Beep... Beep...

A gentle hand ran across my cheek.

Beep... Beep... Beep...

I could smell her... smell her perfume...

Beep... Beep... Beep...

"Leighanne?" I breathed the words, my eyes still not opening, despite the fact that I was trying to force them open. I finally managed to crack them, and through a hazy blur of shapes, I barely could distinguish her hair, her eyes...

"Shhh, baby, I'm here..." she whispered. I suddenly realized that was her hand on my face and I leaned against it, letting my head roll to the side a little bit. I breathed deeply - it hurt. A lot. Then I realized I had one of those plastic oxygen tubes stuck in my nose.

My eyes opened slowly - very slowly. Leighanne was leaning over me, concern written on her face. Her palm cupped my cheek. "Leighanne, I'm s- so-" I was so exhausted, I couldn't finish the sentence.

"I know," she whispered, "Nick told me everything. It's okay."

Nick?

My head swam around the name. "Nick did?" I gasped out the words.

"Nick called me and told me everything," she said. "He's been quite the little instigator," she whispered and leaned close, almost laying beside me on the mattress. It felt good to have her so close to me. I sighed, contentedly, as she rested her cheek against mine. "I heard about your paint ballin'."

I'd never told Leighanne that full story. I smiled. "Nick's a nut."

"And the psycho fan," she giggled.

"She was scary," I breathed.

Leighanne kissed my cheek. "Brian, he loves you to death, you know that right?" She nuzzled me, "He'd do anything to keep from losing you. He proved that."

"Is he here?" I asked.

Leighanne hesitated, "No."

I looked at her. "He isn't?" I half smiled, "Is he at Taco Bell or something?"

Leighanne shook her head, "He said he didn't think you wanted to be his friend anymore."

I closed my eyes and felt my heart break again. "Oh God," I whispered, remembering what I'd said on the bus when I was angry at him and in the process of trading him in for a more latin model. "I need to go talk to him..." I struggled to sit up.

"You're having surgery today, Brian, you aren't going anywhere," she said, pressing me back down into the pillows.

"But Nick needs to know that I --"

"Brian, Nick can wait."

I stared up at her, and a terrifying thought rushed through me, "What if he can't?" I asked, "What if... What if I die?"

She closed her eyes at the sound of the word die and shook her head, "Don't you dare die, Brian Thomas Littrell," she said sternly.

"But what if I do and I never got to tell Nick he's my best friend and I love him?" I asked, "What if I die and he goes on the rest of his life thinking I hate him?" My heart started racing.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

"Calm down," Leighanne demanded, frowning, "Brian, he knows you lo-"

"Then why isn't he here?" My eyes filled with tears, they were stinging. Who the frig cared if my girlfriend was here if NICK wasn't here? I needed the Frack to go with my Frick, I needed my PB for my J...

"Brian, it's gonna be okay," Leighanne whispered.

"I need Nick," I gasped out the words, "Please."

Leighanne nodded. "I'll find him for you."

*************

"I--I don't really do hospitals. The minute he's released, I'll go see him."

I glanced over at J. He looked pasty; he seemed way too interested in chipping the black polish off of his nails.

"Nick?"

I looked up at Kevin and shook my head.

"He hates me."

"He doesn't hate you," Howie said. "In fact I don't think he was really appreciating my tips for arranging socks by--"

"Howie's right, he doesn't hate you," Kevin said. "Will you come?"

I shook my head again. Admittedly, I was ashamed of myself. All of my stupid ideas had almost killed my best friend. The look on his face when he threw the basketball at me had been filled with stubborness and dislike. I didn't want to make him worse by going to see him.

"you guys go," I said.

"Nick--"

"Just go, okay?"

Kev gave me a hard look. He motioned to Howie and the two men left the room. I leaned back against the soft plush of the couch. AJ mimicked my movements.

"I can't believe he's having surgery right now," I said morosely.

"Well, you did the right thing calling Leighanne," AJ said gently.

I swallowed hard. That had been uncomfortable. I had barely gotten out that Brian had been taken to the hospital when she had freaked out and hung up. I hoped for Bri's sake that she was there for him.

She was much better for him than I was. I sighed. AJ nudged me.

"Why don't you hook up your Nintendo? We can play something. Your choice."

I slowly got off the couch. I didn't feel like doing anything. I went to my bunk and opened one of my duffels. As I was pulling out the cords for my gaming system, I happened to glance at my phone.

There were four messages. A quick click of a few buttons showed me that they were all from Leighanne.

I could only imagine what she wanted. She probably wanted to bitch me out, tell me that I was a menace to society--tell me that if (no, no---WHEN) Brian got better that he was quitting the group and going to live with her somewhere in the country. They'd have tons of little corncobs running around and Bri would sit on his porch talking about the days when he had to put up with this annoying scum of society named Nick Cart--

"Um, do you know your talking to yourself?"

I turned around. J was standing right behind me looking concerned. I was clutching the gaming cables so tightly my knuckles were turning white.

"Corncobs?"

"N-nevermind," I mumbled. "Let's do this."

Three hours later, J and I were sitting side by side, our eyes burning into the screen when the bus door opened. I figured it was Kev.

"How was he?" I asked.

"YOU."

Uh-oh. AJ and I both looked towards the door. A very blonde, very busty, very angry Leighanne was standing there. Her eyes were red-rimmed. She pointed at me. "We need to talk."

J scooted back. I had no choice; I stood up and shuffled towards Leighanne. I followed her outside. I hoped if I screamed for mercy that J would come out and rescue me.

But I wasn't holding my breath.

"Listen Leighanne, I--"

"No, I want YOU to listen. Do you have any idea what Brian's gone through?"

I winced. "I know. I'm sorry. It was--"

"why didn't you come with Kevin?"

My mouth opened in surprise. "I just assumed that Bri doesn't want to see me. He--"

"He woke up about an hour ago and he's been asking for YOU!"

Before I could defend myself, I got dozens of little fist hits. I brought my arms up to shield my face.

"Wait, I--"

"Do you know how HARD it was for me to leave his bedside to come get you?"

A tear dripped down her cheek.

"I didn't know," I whispered.

"I don't care how much you hate me," Leighanne said shakily. "Just come see Bri. Do it for him."

My eyes widened. "I don't hate you, I--"

"I think you've made your dislike of me clear, Nick," Leighanne said sadly. I felt my face flame.

"He didn't want to do guy things," I said lamely.

"Guy things? Like what?"

"Like um--um--girls and playing poker with girls and um--"

"Girls?" Leighanne said. I nodded dumbly.

"You know there's more to life than girls."

I frowned. "Not when you're eighteen."

We looked at each other. I was afraid Leighanne was going to start crying again.

"Will you come see him?" she whispered. I swallowed hard. I hated even the thought of Bri hooked up to tubes and wires and junk. Even so, I found myself nodding.

Unfortunately, by the time we got there, visiting hours were over. A very stressed Leighanne went back to her hotel. Bri's mom and dad were allowed to stay in his room. I went back to the bus.

"I only saw him for a second," Kevin said over dinner that night. "They were only letting family in. Leighanne lied and said she was his fiancee. He looked bad; I don't think he even realized I was there."

"I think we all need to say a big prayer tonight," Howie said solemnly.

And that's exactly what I did. I prayed that Bri would recover quickly. I prayed that he would forgive me for being a douche...

I ever prayed that Brian and Leighanne completely made up.

I was beginning to realize that like it or not, she was good for him.

Chapter Twenty

The nurse who collected the breakfast trays frowned when she saw I hadn't touched a bite of the food they'd sent up to my room. "You need to eat," she said. She lifted a small cup of fruit cocktail, "I'll leave this here." She laid a spoon over the top of it. I looked away.

My parents had gone to get breakfast down in the cafeteria and I'd been sitting in the room watching TV and not eating. I picked up the spoon and poked at the fruit cocktail. A grape rolled across the length of a slice of banana and came to a stop in a pit between two pieces of melon. It didn't look even remotely appetizing. I pushed the tray away and sighed.

I pulled the neck of my hospital-issued smock forward and looked down at my chest. A big ugly zipper line ran down the center of it, sealed shut with thick black stitches and glinting grey staples. It looked like some mad scientist had been at work and sewn me together from bits and pieces. I'll never be able to take my shirt off again, I thought morosely. Oh my God, I'll never have sex again. This would make Leighanne throw up all over me. God I'm gonna be a hermit, living on an island somewhere, and I won't even have any friends because... because...

I thought of Nick.

Not having Nick around made me even sadder than not having sex.

There came a knock on my door. "Come in," I called out, pushing my shirt's neck back down against my chest.

Leighanne peeked around the corner and smiled at me. "Hey Bri-bear," she whispered.

"How did you get back up? Kev said they were only letting family members in..."

She smiled, "He told them I'm your fiance," she answered, blushing.

"My fiance?" I asked.

Leighanne barreled on, "I'm sorry I left last night..."

"Its okay," I said, reaching out my hands to her. "I'm so glad you're here..." I grabbed her hands as she came closer, and pulled them to my face, smelling her palms. "Oh man, I missed you so much."

Leighanne smiled, "I missed you too."

I kissed her fingers. "Leigh?" I whispered, "I- I've been thinking..."

"About what?"

"I don't ever wanna be without you ever again..." I said slowly.

Leighanne smiled. "No really," I said, getting the feeling maybe her smile was of humor at my silly words. "You were right about... about this..." I pointed at my chest, "And- well, I don't wanna be a hermit."

"A hermit?"

"Long story," I turned pink. "I want... I want..."

"What do you want, Brian?"

"I want you, Leigh," I said, "I want... what Kevin said... to be true."

"What Kevin said?" she asked cautiously, her eyes widening.

"Leighanne... I want you to marry me."

Her jaw dropped. "Oh Brian. You're talkin' crazy." She pointed at the morphine drip to my side and her tears glistened in her eyes. "Don't ask me this right now, please, ask me when you're better, when you're well, when you can do it right, when you've had time to think it over more."

I shook my head, "Time's not going to change whether I want to marry you or not."

"And I hope it doesn't change it, but just in case it does," she leaned over and kissed me gently on the nose, "Please, wait."

"But now it won't be a surprise," I muttered, kissing her.

"Something tells me you'll figure out how to make it surprising, Bri-Bear," she answered with a smirk.

"I'm not good at surprises," I answered.

Leighanne laughed softly and sat up. She stroked my hand. "Speaking of surprises... I kind of have one for you."

"You do?" I asked.

Leighanne drew her fingers away and stood up and went back to the door. "Hey," she said quietly, "C'mon..."

When she came back into the room, she was holding a hand... a big hand that I recognized... and attached to that hand was the oaf of a teenager that I call my best friend. He was staring at his feet, his stupid award-winning hair hanging in curtains over his eyes, biting his lips and scuffing his toe on the floor.

"I'll leave you boys alone," Leighanne said, winking, and she disappeared out the door.

*************

Bri smiled when he saw me. Like actually smiled. He struggled to sit up a little. A tray filled with food was in front of him; it looked like he hadn't touched even a banana slice.

"I'll leave you boys alone," Leighanne said. I heard the door close behind me.

I felt too big for the room. It was small and there were a lot of machines. One in particular caught my attention. It was a heart monitor; there was a lot of action. I took that as a good sign.

"Hey," I said. Bri was gawking at me as if he had never seen me before.

"Hey."

I walked over to his bedside. The food looked good. There were some scrambled eggs and a fruit cup and those little containers of apple juice where you have to stab the straw in the top to break through the packaging.

"You gonna eat that?" I found myself asking. Bri shook his head; he pushed the tray towards me.

I sat down and grabbed a fork. I took a big bite of the eggs. They were totally not real 'from-a-chicken' eggs, but they weren't bad. I chewed vigorously.

"I didn't think you were gonna come," Bri said quietly.

Ugh, this was the part that made my stomach queasy. I looked into his face. His eyes were all big and round like a sad puppy dog. I punched the straw through the apple juice and took a swig.

"B-Rok I'm sorry about everything," I said thickly. "This whole thing got out of hand. I was just so excited about being on tour and us sharing a bus. I wasn't prepared for the whole Leighanne thing. I--"

"You just wanted us to be two wild and crazy guys," Bri finished. He grabbed a piece of banana and put it in his mouth.

"Well...yeah."

"I love her."

"I know that now," I admitted.

"she can't replace you," Bri added.

We smiled at each other. "That sounds kinda...gay."

Bri laughed. "Yeah, I know." He looked around as if making sure no one else was around. "You have a better butt than she does."

I smiled. "Yeah?" I asked excitedly.

We both started to laugh. I held out my hand and we did our secret hand shake.

"How's your heart feel?" I asked once we had snapped our fingers and tossed our thumbs over our shoulders. Bri's smile flickered.

"I look like Frankenstein," he said.

"It can't be that bad," I said.

"I'll never be able to go shirtless again."

We both considered the implications.

"You don't have to take your shirt off for that," I said helpfully. "Sometimes I don't take off my socks."

"Really?"

"Well...it's a lot of work. And sometimes my feet get cold," I rationalized. "The girls don't want my toes they want--"

"I get it!"

We both reached for the fruit cup.

"Leighanne's a really good girl, Bri," I said. "She really loves you and junk. You should have seen how mad she was--"

"I love her with all my heart," Bri said. His face got totally mushy. Then he winced.

"You okay?" I asked in a rush.

"Pain meds...wearing off," he said. I scrambled to my feet. I leaned over him and jabbed at the nurse button.

"OW! OW! OW!" he screamed.

"What?!"

"Your elbow's on my incision!"

"SHIT!"

"GET ORF!!!"

"Everything okay?"

We both turned. Leighanne was hovering in the doorway. She raced over to Bri's side. I stepped back. I watched her fluff his pillows. She kissed his cheek. She tucked the sheets in around him.

He didn't take his eyes off her chest. His arm snuck around her back when she leaned over him. He gave me a thumbs up.

That was when I knew my best friend was going to be JUST fine.

Epilogue


"Leighanne, can I talk to you?" Nick's voice carried through the paper-thin bus door from the living room into the little 'hallway' by the bunks. I leaned against the door, not wanting to miss a word that was said.

"Sure, Nicky," Leighanne said. I heard the TV's sound mute. She'd been watching a show about sewing on TV. She was into that sewing stuff. "What's up?"

Nick sighed as he sat down. "Hey, can I have some?"

"Sure," Leighanne answered.

The sound of Nick chewing something came through the door. I rolled my eyes. Stupid ass, I thought, Always eating...

"Thing is, I was thinkin' about some stuff," he said as he chewed.

Leighanne laughed, "What kind of stuff? Do you want a napkin?"

"Yeshpweeesh," Nick said around a mouthful of whatever it was. There was some loud smacking noises, then a large swallow, and Nick's after-swallowing-a-big-mouthful-of-stuff gasp, then he said, "Well about you and Brian mostly."

"Me and Brian, huh?" Leighanne asked. I could hear the nervousness in her voice climb. "What about us? You're not trying to break us up again are you, Mr. Carter?" she asked in an accusing way. I could almost hear Nick's face turn red.

I reached in my pocket.

"No!" Nick whined, "And I told'ja a hundred times already if I had any clue how fucking awesome you are at Nintendo I never would've tried to ditch you in the first place."

"So now you're hitting on me?" she asked.

"NO!" Nick yelled even louder. Then, with his voice directed towards the door, he said, "I am NOT hitting on you."

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Nothing, I thought I was gonna sneeze so I looked away."

You're such an ASS, Carter, just get to the point already!!! I thought.

"Okay, so what about me and Brian, then?" Leighanne asked.

Nick hesitated. "Well, see, I been thinkin' how great it was that you were mad at him and you still came up when he was in the hospital and stuff y'know? And you like believed him even though I kept trying to tell you he cheated on you and stuff, and like you didn't hate me after I was a liar and stuff..."

"Mmhmm," Leighanne hummed.

"Well I just... I think it's cool, and... Leighanne, I gotta question for you. It's kinda a girl question, yanno, but not like advice cos - well, God knows I don't need advice on the sex front but -" he cleared his throat, "But like it's a question..."

Leighanne laughed, "Okay. What's up Nicky?"

"Well, see, Leighanne, I was wondering if...maybe.. if maybe you'd be my Brian-in-law?"

I reached for the door knob, withdrawing my hand from my pocket.

"Your what?" Leighanne asked him as I creeped the door open.

"My Brian-in-law," Nick repeated.

"What on earth do you me--" she stopped mid-word as she looked up as I crossed the room and dropped to my knees in front of her.

"I think," I said, opening the little ring box up as I spoke, "He's asking if you'll marry me, Leighanne Wallace?"

Nick grinned, "Yeah, that's it."

Leighanne's eyes filled with tears.

"I love you, Leighanne," I said quietly, smiling up at her, "With every bit of my heart... even the broken parts."

Tears were falling down her face.

"I wanna be with you all of my life - and this time I'm not on morphine, so you really do gotta answer me." I winked. "Please, please marry me, Leighanne."

Nick looked from me to her and back again, then nudged her, "Pssst, you should say 'yes'," he said, nodding.

Leighanne grinned at Nick, "Thanks for the tip, but I think I've got this one under control." She turned to me and bent down and kissed my forehead, "I so want to marry you, Brian Littrell," she said.

Nick pumped the air, "YES!" He jumped up.

"Hey Nick?" I mumbled.

"Yeah?"

"Think we could get some -ahem- alone time?" I asked, gesturing at Leighanne and winking up at him.

"Oh yeah, sure, sure, a'course!" Nick ducked out of the room quickly.

I turned to Leighanne and our mouths locked and I leaned into her, laying her backwards across the sofa. Her arms slid up over her head and she shimmied off her shirt. She was laying there in her bra and I started kissing her neck...

Suddenly the door opened again and Nick came in and grabbed a bowl of popcorn sitting on the table beside us. "Sorry," he hissed, "I forgot the -- WHOA! You do have great boobs!" he cried, eyes wide.

"NICK!" Leighanne and I both yelled his name at the same time.

"Okay, I'm going - I'm goin'!" Nick scrambled out of the room, clutching the bowl.

Leighanne laughed, "Oh God, Brian, I think I liked him better when he hated me."

"Oh just wait, the obnoxious clinginess hasn't even begun yet. You're gonna get so sick of him..." I winked and we leaned back into the sofa, "But y'know what?"

"What?"

"He's the best friend in the entire world."

**************

-- 2010--


This seems so hypnotic, smoke and mirrors,
lights and magic, Paper faces in gold
There's soldier boys, beauty queens, everyone's a mystery
It's got me losing control "C'mon."

"I don't know."

"Let's give the fans something to talk about."

Leighanne laughed. "You're drunk."

"True...but c'mon. It's our first cruise. You're going to deny me a dance? After all these years?"

Leighanne rolled her eyes, but she held out her hand. I took it in mine; she pulled ahead, leading me out onto the upper desk. The boat shifted a little bit; I clung to my drink. We began to dance to the music. The fans were singing loudly below us.

It's a masquerade, a love parade, so won't you stay and dance with me?"

Leighanne was wearing a red dress and a mask wtih red and black feathers. I was sporting my gold mask. She lead me out and I twirled her under my arm. The fans started to cheer. After a second she wrapped her arms around me and gave me a hug.
Bri was watching us. He was smiling stupidly; I hadn't seen him this drunk in forever. Leighanne and I both laughed, heading back towards him. Bri shook a huge pile of Mardi Gras beads.

"For me?" Leighanne asked. Bri laughed. The wind picked up his hair and tossed it. "Nope." He slung three strands around my neck and smacked my ass.

After all these years, I'm pretty sure my ass is still better than Leighanne's.

"BRIAN THOMAS LI--"

Bri slung a strand of beads around Leigh's neck and pulled her close. They shared a long kiss. It was amazing that ten years of marriage hadn't killed their spark. I rocked back on my heels and grinned. It seemed like just yesterday Bri had proposed to her on the bus. Since that time girls had come and gone for me, but for Bri, his one constant was Leighanne.

Now that I'm older and wiser, I realize that breaking up is hard to do. Even harder is staying together through the good times and bad. Bri and Leigh are proof that it's possible.

I've never told him, but Bri is more than my best friend. He's my role model. As I caught Lauren's eye in the crowd, I felt the warm familiarity that her smile gave me. Back when Bri was falling in love, I'd been too young, too immature to understand what real love had meant.

Now I was ready to give it a chance.