Summary: When the pregnancy test said they were having a baby, Nick thought that life was turning out
positively awesome. But Becky went from being the sexy baby mama he'd always dreamed of to the pregnant monster from the black lagoon. Or maybe that chick from
The Ring - Nick wasn't sure which. Either way - it's the stuff horror movies are made of. So when Brian gives Nick the perfect excuse to escape, he does... but add in one run in with Nurse Umbridge and the next thing you know the world is upside down once more.
Will Nick ever learn to understand women? Will Brian ever stop being a breast man? Yet another
bromance is coming your way... Are you ready?
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys
Characters: Brian, Nick
Genres: Dramedy, Humor, Supernatural
Warnings: None
Challenges: Series: Out of Body Series
Chapters: 19
Completed: Yes
Word count: 26917
Read: 31004
Published: 02/21/11
Updated: 03/08/11
Chapter 3 by evergreenwriter83
Chapter Three
"Who are you? Why are you puking in my toilet? I'm calling the police!" Bri shrieked.
He knelt down and picked up a jagged piece of the coffee mug he had dropped on the
floor. My stomach did a 180 and I stuck my head in the bowl again, the bile burning my
throat on the way up.
"Stop it! Stop it! That's my toilet!"
Bri was brandishing the chipped piece of ceramic like Zorro but he didn't dare take a
step closer. "I'm married! My wife doesn't allow strange girls to puke in my
toilet!"
At the sound of the word 'girl' I froze. I had woken up, suddenly feeling sicker and
weirder than I had ever felt in my entire life. I had run straight to the toilet. I
was pretty sure I would have noticed if a girl had entered the apartment. After making
sure I wasn't going to throw up all over myself, I sat back, looking up at him in
confusion.
"What girl?"
Maybe it was because the sound of the wretching had played havoc with my hearing
before, but as soon as I spoke, I knew something was wrong. The voice that left my
mouth was soft, high, and sweet. I coughed.
"What girl?" I repeated. The same voice came out.
"YOU! WHO THE H-E-DOUBLE HOCKEY STICKS ARE YOU?!" Bri screeched.
It was then that I had the good sense to look down. I screamed.
I had a chest. Not just a pathetic chest like Calista Flockhart. No, I had a chest to
rival Becky. I scrambled to my feet, ignoring Bri's continuing wails of fear and
stared into the mirror. I screamed again.
The face looking back at me was not my own. Long blonde hair framed a slender
face. She had my eyes, but that's where the similarities ended.
"What the fuck's going on?" I screamed. I turned around, my hands braced on the sink. I
felt sweaty and gross and...and...
I rushed to the toilet again. I didn't think it was possible I could have any more to
throw up, but a bunch of sick acid landed in the water.
"I'm...I'm going to call the cops now," Bri said. By this time he was hovering at the
door, ready to bolt. I turned to him, and wiped my mouth...except it wasn't my
mouth. The lips were too slender and pouty and...
"Bri, it's Nick. Nick. Something's wrong. Really wrong."
"Nick? NICK?" Bri repeated dumbfounded. "What did you do to Nick!?"
"I am Nick!"
"Nick was on the couch!" Bri turned and cupped his hands around his mouth. "NICK!!!"
When no one responded he whirled around again, his nostril's flaring as bad
as...
As bad as Nurse Hatchet.
"THAT SHE-DEVIL!" I shrieked. The shriek was so feminine it wasn't funny. It
sounded like Becky the one time she saw a mouse.
"What she-devil?" Bri sputtered. "You're a she-devil? Oh Lord, oh Lord, Leigh's
going to kill me. I'm pretty sure I can't be around she-devil's."
I got up again and flew towards him. I was appaled to realize I was even shorter than
he was. I grabbed his shirt. "No, you idiot! Nurse Hatchet! She turned me
into...into..." I reached down and touched a boob. I slid my hand over and grabbed the
other. They ached and I pulled my hand away like it was on fire.
"SHE TURNED ME INTO A CHICK!"
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I couldn't help it.
I've never been able to help it.
When the girl started grabbing at her breats, I stared at them. My jaw dropped. They
were huge... they were squishy... they were SEXY. I swallowed a
big mouthful of saliva as she jiggled and wiggled them right there in front of me,
shrieking something about Nurse Hatchet. I could no longer hear her, though, not
really, not over the breasts.
Lord, forgive me, for I may sin if those things keep flippity-floppity-ing in my
face.
I am a married man.
Married.
I spun my ring on my finger.
But... the breasts...
"ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME?!?" Her voice was so shrill, it snapped into my reverie. I
looked up. I nodded. "No you aren't! Oh my God." She turned, her hair whipping around
her, the breasts ducking toward the shower, the trance-spell broken, and made a
frustrated grunting sound. "I'm going through absolute estrogen-charged hell and
you're standing there like a big baffoon..."
I blinked.... and came to my senses. "POLICE! NICK!! CALL THE COPS!! CALL THE FBI! FOR
THE LOVE OF PETE, CALL SOMEBODY!!" I bolted into the hallway, away from the She-Devil.
I was sprinting. I could feel my heart slamming around in my rib cage.
THUMP!
I hit the carpet and it gave me rug burn up my knees. I was being straddled across the
back by the She-Devil. "NIIIIIIIIIIIII IICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" I screamed.
"She made me do it," I pictured myself trying to explain the infidelity to
Leighanne. "She pinned me down and screwed me before I had a chance to get away...
And Nick slept on the couch the entire time."
"I CAN'T HAVE SEX WITH YOU!" I hollored as I struggled to get away.
"GROSS!!!" she yelled.
Okay, now I didn't want to be raped by a woman, but when a guy says no
and the woman responds with gross, a guy can't be blamed for wondering
why, right? "Gross?" I demanded, "GROSS? Why the hello-kitty is that gross?"
"I ain't havin' sex with no dude," came the response.
I wriggled out of the loosened grip and pointed at the uber-round-protruding pregnant
belly. "Well," I said, "You might've wanted that memo a few months ago."
She looked down. "Holy SHIT NUTS! I'm pregnant?"
"You're just realizing this?"
"Brian, I'm telling you," she said, "It's me-- Nick."
"You're a psychotic maniac," I yelled.
"Yeah but I'm also Nick!"
"Nick is on my couch, don't play with me!" I said, "NICK!!!" I added for good
measure, "YOU BETTER BE CALLING THE COPS!"
She rolled her eyes, "You aren't listening to me, why won't you listen to
me?" She was suddenly near tears.
"Because you're talking crazy talk!" I answered.
The tears were now rolling down her face. "I'm not crazy, I'm telling the
truth. Why are you being so mean to me?"
I can't stand it when women cry. I felt that hollow weird feeling in the pit of my
stomach. I inched closer. "I'm sorry," I said, "Don't cry, okay? I didn't mean to hurt
your feelings. It's just that... you're... you aren't Nick."
"NO SHIT SHERLOCK!???" she suddenly wailed, loudly. I jumped backward. "I have
boobs!"
Again with the squeezing.
I closed my eyes.
"Yes, yes you do, and they're very - they're nice, but I'm - I'm married, and I can't -
I can't look at them."
"I don't WANT YOU looking at my boobs!" she wailed, "I don't even WANT
boobs. Well I want boobs but I don't want these boobs. Well not these
boobs on my body anyways. I would take'em on another body. Like Becky's body. Oh my
God, I'm a lesbian!"
I peeked out the corner of my eye.
"Becky's not a lesbian. What the hell am I gonna do? Now we're gonna have two
kids. TWO KIDS. I can't even handle ONE kid... not to mention two. What if Becky
doesn't wanna be lesbians?"
I stared at her.
"Briannnnnnn," she wailed, in the most recognizable whiny tone ever, "I
don't waaaaaannna be a womaaaaaaan!"
"Ohmilord," I muttered... and promptly passed out.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.