Nick's Point of View 

There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.
Home for me was never with my family. My family was never a real family. Sure I had a brother and three sisters and a Mum and Dad but I never properly fit in my family. Apparently I was the cash cow and that’s all I was good for; money. So when I moved from Tampa, Florida to New York when I was eighteen, I moved next door to the Stefanovic Family. A simple family made up of six kids, five boys and one girl. The boys were all older. Their names were Joseph, he was twenty-five, Aden who was twenty-three, Fraser who was twenty-one, Xavier who was nineteen and Phil who was seventeen. Their younger sister, Emma was incredibly beautiful. She is Phil’s twin but she’s the younger one. She was short, blonde and had the most beautiful brown eyes. The first time I saw her, I was moving things from the moving van and she was sitting outside on the front porch with a cup of tea and walk man earphones in her ear. I smiled at her and she smiled back.

After I had finished unpacking, I decided to go over and introduce myself. I was such a dork, dressed in a tour t-shirt and a pair of basketball shorts.

“Hey, I’m Nick.”
“Hey, I’m Emma. Nice to meet you, have I seen you somewhere before?”
“Maybe, you’ll have to figure that out for yourself.” I smirked. “What are you listening to?”
“Just some N’Sync.”
“Oh. You a bit of a fan of JT?” I asked.
“Yeah he’s pretty fine. So where are you from Nick?”
“Tampa in Florida. I decided now I’m finally eighteen I’d move away.”
“That’s awesome. I can’t wait to move away.”
“Why would you want to leave New York? It’s the best city in the world.”
“To get away from my brothers.”
“How many brothers have you got?”
“Five. I’m a twin with one of them. But I’m the baby as well.”
“Man that sucks.”
“What about you, how many siblings have you got?”
“I have four, three younger sisters and a little brother.”
“Wow, I’ve always wanted sisters.”
“They’re not that great. Take my word for it.”

“Brothers aren’t that great either. Especially mine.”
“Overprotective?”
“Yep.”
“I’m overprotective of my sisters too. It’s a brotherly instinct.”

“An annoying one.”

A few weeks later, we had become the best of friends. It still quite hadn’t clicked who I was. I didn’t really want it too. We had had so much fun together in the past few weeks just going to movies, having coffee and just spending time with each other in Central Park. One night, we were sitting in the lounge room of my house when the home phone rang. I jumped up to get it, and so did Emma, just to stir me. She beat me to the phone and answered it.

“Hello Nick’s house, Emma speaking.”
“Oh hi, um is Nick there?”
“Yeah sure, who’s this?”
“It’s Brian Littrell, his band mate.”
“Oh um. I’ll put him on.”

She handed me the phone and said, “Um it’s your band mate Brian? I didn’t know you were in a band.”
“I’ll talk to you in a minute about it.” I sighed. The secret was out. I took the walk about phone into the study.

“Brian, what’s up man?”
“Are you busy tomorrow? We’ve booked a recording session with Max.”
“Yeah I’m free.”
“Who’s this Emma chick?”
“She’s my neighbour. I’ll explain tomorrow.”

“Alright, well I’ll pick you up at eight. See ya man.”
“Yeah see you Bri.” I sighed then hung up the phone. I went back out into the lounge room and Emma was curled up on the couch crying.

“Em, what’s wrong?”
“I thought we had told each other everything? I told you all about my family troubles and all my friend problems. Why did you have to hide the fact you’re in a band?”
“It’s just a band.”
“Yeah sure. Look Nick, I worked it out, you’re in the Backstreet Boys. Why couldn’t you just tell me?”
“Because I wanted you to like me for me. Not because I’m famous. I like you Em, as a friend for now. But I don’t want this to get between us. You understand I have to tour and other commitments.”
“So how were you going to break that to me? Just say casually every week you were going to be on the other side of the world. You know what Nick screw you. I trusted you and I don’t even want to know you anymore, famous or not. I hope you’re happy with your fame and all your fan girls.”

Emma stormed out of the house, slamming the front door behind her. I was the master of screwing things up. I really was. I sighed and turned off the TV and went into my room and opened the drawer on my bedside table and pulled out the self harm kit I had stored there.

I pulled out the fresh razor I had in there. I brought it to my wrist and cut deeper than I ever had before. I was so tired of making mistakes. At least cutting was one thing I could control. It never mattered if I cut too deep, because I could fix it. It always seems like the other mistakes I make I can never fix them and I think it was the same with Emma.

Emma’s Point of View

Of course, why didn’t I see it? He was Nick Carter of the BackStreet Boys. He didn’t seem like it though. He was so sweet and he genuinely cared about me. I hadn’t exactly had the best upbringing. As the youngest of six and with five brothers, my brothers were always the main focus. It was always Joseph and his acting, Aden and his Swimming, Fraser and his Athletics, Xavier and his Soccer and Phil and his music. I was always the odd one out, the one that never mattered. Sure my brothers were overprotective when it came to boys but other than that they never cared. I was a dancer, a ballet dancer and had been since I was about three years old. Ballet was my passion but from the time I was old enough to have a job, I had to pay for it myself, I had to buy the point shoes and the outfits, I had to pay for my lessons. Finally when I turned sixteen I got a scholarship to the School of American Ballet so I’ve been dancing there for about twelve months and its so good to have some help paying my dancing costs. I thought when I met Nick, everything changed. I liked him as more than a friend, but when he said he only liked me as a friend and when I found out who he really was, he had broken my trust and he felt like the only true friend I had ever had.

I stormed inside my house and slammed the door to my room, curled under my doona and fell asleep.

Fast forward to 2001

Emma

I saw Nick on the news constantly, he and his band, the BackStreet Boys were on their Black and Blue World Tour. But the last time I talked to him, which was three years ago, he was getting ready to release a new album and then go on another tour, which was extremely successful. There were always fan girls crowded outside his house, taking photos and shouting for him. I don’t see what their big deal with him was anyway! He was an idiot and a liar and I was stupid to fall for him.

I was now principal dancer at the New York Ballet after just focusing intensely on my dancing after I stopped talking to Nick. I was stupid to think he could ever love me anyway. It’s not like he thought of me anyway. I saw him magazines and newspapers with other girls and he seemed so happy and carefree. I didn’t need him. I had my dancing and that’s all I needed, although, my brothers thought differently.

I had moved back into the house with my brothers since my dancing got serious because I wasn’t earning a huge amount of money at first. I could probably move out again now, but I actually like living at home now, my brothers aren’t over protective anymore. Joseph was now twenty-eight and he was a successful business person, Aden was now twenty-six and an actor, Fraser was twenty-four and he was living in England playing Rugby, Xavier was twenty-two and he was a swimmer and Phil is twenty like me and he is a really good runner and actually a really good singer so my brothers actually do really well for themselves. Phil has a record deal with Jive Records, and he has written songs with Nick but Nick never comes over, cause Phil knows it would start World War 3. Phil and Xavier went to the 2000 Olympics for their sports. Xavier won a Silver Medal in the 50m Freestyle and Phil won a Gold Medal in the 100m Sprint and the 110m Hurdles.

I was sitting on the porch after a big day at work rehearsing for the next season of shows with a cup of tea beside me. The sun was setting in the horizon over the towering buildings of New York City. The month was August and the late summer nights were getting cooler. I saw a black Prowler make its way down the street and pull up in Nick’s drive way. Out of the car stepped an older, more attractive Nick. The dorky curtain haircut he had was gone, replaced by a more normal boys hairdo, spikey blond and perfect for his baby face. He looked over at the porch with a smile and he waved.

He was still a charmer I had to admit, as much as I hated him. I waved back, flashing a nervous smile. I was a different person to who I was back in 1998. I wasn’t the talkative teenager. I was quite shy and reserved now. Not the type Nick would go for.

Nick’s Point of View

As I got out of my car, I saw Emma for the first time in three years. She looked so different to the last time I had seen her. She had dyed her blonde hair dark brown and it was tied in a tight ballet bun. She was dressed in leggings and a black singlet. She wasn’t a teenager anymore. She had grown into a beautiful young woman. I was probably still the dorky boy-bander who shattered her heart. I guess I can only just try and get her back. She was gorgeous and if I remember rightly very loud and talkative.

I had just come home from a business meeting about the solo album I was getting ready to release in the next six months. I had been coming to and from New York. I hadn’t seen Emma in three years. She avoided me and I was writing music with her twin and she still avoided me.

I went inside and showered and changed from the suit I was in, into a pair of jeans and a black tee and I went over to see Em.

She was still sitting on the porch, watching the sunset. I sat down beside her.

“Hey Stranger.” I smiled.
“Hey, you’re looking good.”
“Thanks. So are you, you look gorgeous.”
“How’s the band coming along?”
“Yeah good, I think we’re about to go on a break for a while. Have some time off.”
“That’s awesome. I see you have a few girls on the go.”
“No, they’re nothing. Just friends.”
“Mmm.”
“What about you, have you got a man?”
“No, I don’t have time. I’m the principal ballerina now so I have no time for anything.”
“Wow, that’s amazing! I remember how much you wanted that and you got it. Well done.”
“Thanks.” She smiled shyly. She looked down at my arms, which were exposed. I had stopped self harming about two months ago but after about three and a half years of it, the scars were there. I wasn’t perfect.

She traced her finger lightly over the scars. She looked at me, with sorrow in her eyes.

“Why?” she asked quietly.

“I wanted to feel something.”
“What do you mean? You’re surrounded by girls who love you every day?” she asked.

“That’s not love, that’s lust and it’s superficial. I want to feel something. I want someone to love me for me. Not Nick Carter the Popstar but Nick Carter the sweetheart. I would treat a girl who loved me like that, like a princess.”
“There’s someone like that out there for you, I promise.”
“I know who it is, I just don’t think they’d go for me. They only know the me on the surface. They don’t know the real me. I thought they did, but they decided that they didn’t like me because of my fame.” I sighed.

“You mean me?”
I sighed again and nodded.

“Well I’m always one for second chances, just be honest with me. Tell me where I stand. I’m not a bad person, I’m just sensitive.”
“One minute you don’t want me, the next you do. How can I trust you won’t go all crazy on me again like last time?” I said aggressively.

“Nick, calm down. I just said, I’m not a bad person you just have to be honest with me.”
“I will be, I promise. Just to let you know, you’ll have to get used to my mates. They can be a bit crazy, especially Brian and AJ but you’ll learn to love them.”
“I guess it couldn’t hurt. But my schedule is pretty hectic with dance and I know how hectic your life is too and I don’t want to let you down if I am too busy.”
“Em, it’s fine. I totally understand. Trust me, things will get hectic for me too. But we’ll work this through one step at a time.”

Emma’s Point of View

I smiled and looked up at Nick. His eyes were so blue, like the ocean. His blonde hair was tossled and looked amazing. I know what you’re thinking, it didn’t take long for you to change your mind about him. Well he apologised and he was honest with me and I felt bad that he had harmed because of me. He was so gorgeous now not that he wasn’t before, but now he was even more attractive.

He put his arm around me as we watched the sun finally fall behind the horizon.

“Do you want to come around for a legendary home cooked meal by me?” he asked.
“That’d be great, but I have to go back to work in an hour.”
“What for?”
“Rehearsals, sadly. Maybe another night?”
“Well why don’t you come over when you finish rehearsals?”
“I won’t be home until about eleven o’clock.”
“I’m still awake then.”
“I’ll see how I’m feeling.”
“Have you got a cell phone?” he asked.

“Yeah I do.”

He grabbed a pen from his jean pocket and I gave him my hand and he wrote his cell phone number on my hand.

“Text me when you’re on your way home.”
“Alright.”

“I’ll let you go and get ready sweetheart. But have fun.”

“I’ll try. There’s only so many times I can do the same move.”
“I know how you feel.”

He kissed my forehead then got up to walk back to his place.

When he left, I went back inside, sort of in a dream. Phil was sitting on the couch, just watching a movie.

“Wow, so are you and Nick friends again?”
“You could say that.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, we like each other.”
“You haven’t talked for three years.”
“We sorted everything out.”
“Mmhm.”

Nick’s Point of View

Falling too hard and too fast for a girl. It’s one of my worst traits. But Emma was different, I knew it. I just had to wait until that night and see if she would come over.

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Emma’s Point of View

My room is my sanctuary. It’s the one place in the house my brothers can’t go. It’s all decorated pink and ballet style. I have a laptop set up, my bookshelf, my massive bed and of course my cupboard full of ballet gear; leotards, tutus, Pointe shoes, soft shoes, leggings, singlet and skirts. I had the odd pair of jeans, t-shirts and dresses as well but my cupboard was just full of dance clothes. I sat on the edge of my bed and thought about what Nick had said. Maybe I should go over to his place after rehearsals. Let loose a bit. It can’t hurt, can it?

The rehearsals at work are always the same it seems. My dance partner, David, is great and his absolutely gorgeous so he makes it bearable. David is one of my good friends, we’ve grown up together, we used to dance at the same dance studio for years. We dated when we were fifteen until we were seventeen. He got accepted into the American Ballet when he was seventeen, so he’s an old hand at how rehearsals work. He’s the male lead this season and so he should be. He works incredibly hard and is the most amazing dancer. He has been offered countless times to go and dance at the Royal Ballet in England, but he insists he wants to dance in America.

“What are you up to after rehearsals?” David asked during our drink break.

“I’ll probably just go to bed, why?”
“Just wondering cause I was going to watch a few DVDs and fall asleep in front of the TV if you wanted to join me.”
“No, it’s alright thanks.” I smiled.
“Well if you change your mind, the offer is there.”
“Thanks Dave.”

At the end of rehearsals, I was exhausted. When I drove into the driveway, I saw the light in Nick’s house was still on. I contemplated going in and saying hi. I went inside my house and had a shower and changed into a pair of sweat pants and a white singlet and my ugg boots. I looked at my reflection in my bathroom mirror. I wasn’t the image of perfection a principal ballerina should be. I wasn’t stick thin and I certainly wasn’t the most technically perfect dancer. I brushed my dark brown hair into a loose ponytail and I walked over to Nick’s house. I knocked on the door and he answered. He was dressed in light grey sweat pants and a Harvard Hoodie.

“Geez, I didn’t know you were smart enough to get accepted into Harvard.”
“Very funny Emma, I got this off a friend of mine.  If I was to go to College I’d probably go to Julliard. You look very pretty by the way.”
“Thanks, you’re such a charmer. It’s midnight, there’s no way I can look pretty at midnight.”
“Want a bet?”

“No not really,” I smiled softly.

“Do you want something to eat?”
“No, I’m fine thanks.”

“If you’re on some stupid ballerina diet, break it for one night and pig out with me.”
“No, I’m not on a stupid ballerina diet I don’t like doing those. I prefer to look just the way I am. That’s what makes me unique as a dancer.”
“Well, do you want some chocolate ice cream? It’s yummy I promise.” Nick asked.
“Oh alright, but just a little bit.”

I went into the lounge room while Nick got some ice cream from the kitchen. The walls were covered in canvas photos of Nick and his band mates on stage. The expression on his face in all the photos was one of passion and love. Passion for his field and the love for his fans and music, I wanted that passion in my face when I danced. When I danced, I had a look of determination. I wanted a look of happiness and relaxation. No matter how hard I tried though, I could never get it.

“Em, here you go.” He said as he put his hand on the small of my back.
“Thanks Nick.” I smiled as he handed me the bowl.
We sat down on the black leather couch and Nick unpaused the movie he was watching. I looked at him as if to ask, “What are you watching?”
“Sixth Sense” he smiled.

“I hate scary movies.”
“Well, it’s an excuse for us to cuddle.”
I shot him a death stare and he laughed.

“Come on Em,” he smiled.

I sighed and moved closer to him on the couch. His phone vibrated in his pocket which was right next to my hip. He reached his hand into his pocket and pulled out his Nokia 3315.

“Who’s texting you at midnight?” I asked.
“It’s Brian, he’s having a Barbeque at his place tomorrow. Do you want to come with me?”
“Are you sure he’d be okay with me coming along?”
“Yeah of course! His wife Leighanne will be there, AJ, Howie and Kevin will be there too with their girlfriends. You’ll love them.”
“Do I have to bring anything?” I asked.
“Nope, just yourself and your togs.”
“Awesome, I have work from eight in the morning until two. What time is Brian’s?”

“Four. Do you want me to pick you up from work?”
“It’s alright, you don’t have to if you don’t want.”
“I’m not doing anything and I’d love to watch you dance for a bit. Can I sit in on your rehearsals?”
“Yeah you can if you want it’s nothing too exciting.”
“Rehearsals are always fun.”
“If you’re in a band it is. At work it’s strict and regimented and we practice every move until it’s technically perfect. There’s no room for error.”
“Do you ever feel like taking a day off?”
“All the time, but I can’t. I have to take me work with me, everywhere. If I stuff up a move, I have to work on it that night for hours until I perfect it.”
“Well just use tonight as a chance to relax.”

We snuggled and watched the rest of the movie and I eventually dozed off on Nick’s lap. I woke up later and Nick was sound asleep as well. I got up and went into the kitchen and made myself a cup of tea. I looked at the clock on the oven: 3am. It was way too early to be awake but I couldn’t go back to sleep. I went out the back of Nick’s house and sat on the balcony and watched the sunrise start to come over the tall buildings of New York City. The sun rises early in August and it’s always incredibly beautiful to watch.

I don’t know how long I sat there for, but I heard footsteps behind me. I turned around and Nick was standing there, in no shirt and a pair of boxers.

“What are you doing out here?” he asked.
“I woke up at three this morning and couldn’t sleep. What time is it?”
“Five. Have you been sitting out here for two hours?”
“I guess so.”
“Do you want a cup of coffee?”
“I had a cup of tea, I’m all good thanks lovely.”
“Alright, do you want to have a shower?”
“Oh I’m fine. I’ll go home soon and get ready for work.”
“You’re going to work on two hours of sleep?” he asked.
“It can’t hurt can it?”
“Dancing, with two hours sleep? Are you really sure that is a good idea?”
“I can’t exactly call in sick. It doesn’t work that way.”
“Have you ever called in sick?”
“No.”
“Exactly, just do it.”
“You will be the death of me Nickolas.”
“Live a little” he smiled.

“Alright, I’ll go home and shower then I’ll come back over,”
“Call your work too.”
“That’s my plan”

I gave Nick a kiss on the cheek and went back to my place. I walked in the door and Phil was sitting in the lounge room watching some movie.

“Morning Sweet Chili Philly.”

He glared at me.

“Oh come on you big girl,” I replied laughing.

“Where were you last night?”
“I stayed at Nick’s. Well more like I fell asleep at Nick’s.”
“Oh cool. How were rehearsals last night?”
“Remind me again why I am a ballerina?”

“Tough hey?”

“Very.”

“You know you don’t have to keep doing it if you don’t want to.”
“I don’t have anything to fall back on. I never finished high school remember?”
“You could go and get a diploma in Early Childhood from the TAFE.”
“That’s a good idea. I’ll see what happens. I’ll stick with Ballet for another six months and if I keep hating it I might do that. Anyway, I’m going to call work and say I’m not coming in because I only got two hours sleep last night.”
“Good idea.”
“I’m going over to Nick’s friend Brian’s house tonight for a Barbeque.”
“You’ll love Brian, he’s not quite as out there as Nick but he’s pretty close.”
“Like you?” I teased.

“No way! I’m crazier than Nick. Anyway I’ll let you go shower and call work.”

I went into the kitchen and got the walk about phone and took it into my room and sat on my bed and called my boss.

“Hello Joshua Grand speaking.”
“Hi Josh, it’s Emma Stefanovic.”
“Hi Em, how are you?”
“Not feeling too great. Would it be okay if I miss rehearsals today?”
“Of course, it was mainly ensemble  rehearsals anyway. I hope you’re feeling better.”
“Do I need to get a Doctors Certificate?”
“Have you never missed a rehearsal?”
“I have never missed a dance rehearsal since I started dancing when I was three.”
“Wow. No you don’t need a medical certificate.”
“Thanks Josh.”
“No problem. Rest up.”

I hung up and went and had a shower and changed into a pair of bike shorts and a black singlet and went into the kitchen and made myself cereal for breakfast. Xavier was now awake, dressed in his compression pants and a singlet.

“Xavier, seriously! Wear proper clothes.”
“You walk around in ballet gear.”
“Yeah but I normally have shorts over the top when I’m at home. I don’t want to see whatever is under there at six in the morning. I don’t want to burn my eyes off.”
“This is why I hate having a sister.”
“You love me.”

“You wish.” He teased “Why aren’t you dressed for work?”
“I’m not going. I got two hours sleep last night and I feel like crap.”
“Have you ever missed a day of dancing?”
“Nope, never.”
“Wow, first time for everything hey sis?”
“Yeah. I’m going to Nick’s friend’s house for a Barbeque later on.”
“So you and Nick are friends now hey? What changed that?”
“We had a bit of a chat yesterday. He’s really sweet actually.”
“He’s pretty awesome yeah.”
“What are you doing today?”
“I have training from 9 until 2 then I’m just cooling down at the pool.”
“Nice.”

When I finished breakfast, I went back into my room and put my head down on the pillow for a while to try and catch up on sleep. I thought I’d only sleep for an hour or so, but I woke up at three-thirty to a text from Nick.

Hey, you didn’t end up coming back over, are you okay xx

Hey, I had a sleep for a while. Well, for seven hours so I’m all ready for this afternoon. I’ll be over at yours in ten. Let me just shower and change.

Take your time, we’re in no rush.

I rolled out of bed and quickly sorted through my cupboard, trying to find a suitable pair of bikinis. I eventually picked a pair of black Billabong ones and a pair of green boardshorts. In a bag I packed a hoodie and a pair of jeans and a tee for after getting out of the pool and some undies of course. I showered once again, thinking in my head as the water ran over me, about Nick. Could this actually lead somewhere?

Nick’s Point of View

When I woke up that morning, I found Emma was nowhere in the lounge room. I searched around the house for her, until I saw a figure sitting on the back deck. I went outside and there she was, just staring at the sunrise, a cup of tea beside her.

She couldn’t sleep, her eyes looked tired from lack of it. God she was beautiful, even at five in the morning after two hours of sleep. Her long brown hair all messy and the remainder of her makeup from work was smeared on her face, she had forgotten to remove it the night before.

When she got up from the ground to go home and freshen up, she kissed me on the cheek and then left. I felt my cheeks go bright red. Was I in love with the girl next door after one day?

That day I just lazed around home, playing Nintendo and filling out tour paperwork that was outstanding. I waited for Em to come back over, but she must have put her head down for a nap. I glanced at the clock at about three-thirty and decided to text her and see if she was okay because we had to head off to Brian’s. I went and changed into a pair of boardshorts and got an old black tour tee and went to the fridge and packed a carton of beer and vodka crusiers and put them in an esky. The door bell rang and there was Em out the front in her bikini top and a pair of green boardshorts. Wow, she looked sexy with a bare midriff.  I swear I could have taken her there.

“C-come in Em.”
“You ready to go?” she asked, still looking half asleep.

“Yeah, was just waiting for you. Let’s go.” I smiled.

I grabbed the esky and my car keys, wallet and phone and a few towels and Em and I went into the Garage and got into my Black BMW and drove to Brian’s house in Manhattan. We pulled up out the front of his very simple house that he shared with his wife of a year Leighanne Wallace. AJ, Kevin and Howie’s cars were all out the front; AJ and his convertible BMW, Kevin and his Four-Wheeled Drive and Howie and his simple silver Toyota. It certainly showed our different ways of spending. AJ was very elaborate, you should see his house it’s so full of stuff and quite expensive stuff. Kevin spent his money wisely and only brought the essentials and he had a four-wheel drive especially for when we were touring so we could fit in easily and have our suitcases fit in the back too rather than having a massive tour bus. Howie was very simple and knew the value of money and he had owned his Toyota for about four years and had no plan to buy a new one just for the sake of it. I was pretty elaborate with my cars; I had two, a black BMW and a black Prowler. I don’t really drive the Prowler unless I am going to a really special event and I don’t want to get a limo with the boys.

“Wow, you guys really like to live simply.” Em said impressed.

“We’re not as stuck up and excessive as people think, except AJ. He likes to spend his money more than save it.”

Brian answered the door, Leighanne by his side, both beaming proudly. Those two were the perfect match, soul mates. I wanted to find someone like Leighanne for myself. I was tired of being used. I don’t think people realise that I have feelings too. I think people think I’m just someone that they can walk all over and I have to admit, when I have had a bit to drink, I can be like that but in reality I’m a soft soul who just wants to be loved and in a deep and meaningful relationship.

“Hey Rok, hey Leighanne. This is Emma. Em, this is Leighanne and Brian.” I said, introducing them to Emma.

“It’s great to meet you Emma. Come on in.” Leighanne smiled.

“The others are out by the pool.” Brian replied.

Em looked at me with a nervous look on her face, she put out her hand for me to hold. I laced my fingers in hers and we walked out to the pool.

AJ and his fiancée were making out in the pool, Kevin and his wife were playing around splashing each other and Howie and his girlfriend Leigh were just sitting in the sun, tanning.

“Nick! Hey dude, who’s this?” Howie asked.

“Guys this is Emma, my neighbour. Emma this is Howie, Leigh, AJ, Amanda, Kevin and Kristin.”

AJ and Amanda stopped making out and turned to face us.

“Oh hey!” AJ said.

“Hey, I think I’ve seen you somewhere before.” Amanda said.

“Um, I’m the principal ballerina at the New York Ballet?”
“That’s where. Wow, your dancing is incredible.”
“Oh thanks. You’re a fan of Ballet?” she asked Amanda.

“I love the Ballet. I used to dance when I was a little girl but I hurt my knee when I was thirteen and had to stop.”
“Oh trust me, I’ve had my fair share of knee injuries over the years. I’ve been dancing since I was three. Today was the first day since I started dancing that I have taken a day off.”
“Wow, that’s dedication. Even when you had injuries?”
“Yeah, it was stupid but yeah.”
“Sorry, Em, do you want a drink?” I asked.

“What is there?”
“I have Crusiers.”
“Yeah can I have one please?”
“Sure” I replied. I went over to where I put the esky and got a Crusier out and gave it to Emma. I got myself a beer and went over at sat with Howie and Leigh. Emma sat on the edge of the pool talking to Amanda. AJ, looking defeated, got out of the pool and came over and sat with Howie, Leigh and I.

“She’s pretty Nick.” AJ said.

“Yeah she’s beautiful. She’s shyer than I remember though.”
“You mean you’ve been with her before?” AJ asked.

“No, we have been neighbours for about three years and we got really close at one point and I hadn’t told her I was in the band and she found out and chucked a spaz at me and wouldn’t talk to me for ages. We only really started talking yesterday.”
“Well you seem to have made a good impression.” Howie smiled. “ I think she might be the perfect girl you’ve been searching so hard for Nick.”

“I really hope so because she is so sweet and incredibly beautiful.”
“I guess today will be the best judge of character if she gets along with everyone well.” Howie replied.

Brian came over and sat down with us.

“What chu talking about peeps?”

“Seriously Brian?” we laughed.

“Hey, we have to keep up with the way the kids talk now if we want to sell more albums.”
“That is true.” Howie replied.

“But we have Alex so why bother?” I laughed, I was teasing AJ for being a child.

“Hey I’m more mature than you Nickolas.” AJ replied lightly punching my shoulder.

 After talking with the guys for a while, I looked back over at Emma who was still talking with Amanda, they were getting along so well. They were now in the pool, just talking. AJ looked at me and smiled, “Dude, our girls are getting along well.”
“Yeah very well, she’s not officially my girl yet though.”
“I bet by the end of tonight she will be.” Brian interrupted.

“And you’d know that Doctor Love.” Leighanne teased.

“Hey, I was right with you!” he smiled.

“That is true. Nick, listen to Brian.”

“Yay! I’m smart.” Brian said in a childish voice.

“Actually no, I take that back. Don’t listen to the child.” Leighanne replied then kissing Brian’s cheek.

Brian pretended to look sad. Man he was so funny sometimes. I guess that’s why he’s my best friend.

Emma got out of the pool about five minutes later when we were laughing about something and she came and sat in front of me.

“What are you guys laughing about?” she asked.

“Just tour stuff. Are you hungry?” I asked her. Kevin was over cooking the Barbeque with Howie.

“No, I’m fine.”
“Emma, if you’re hungry you can say. We’re not going to judge you for it.” Leighanne smiled at her.

“Okay yeah maybe a little.”
“Go over to Kevin and he’ll give you something.” AJ told her.

“I’ll come with you Em. Don’t worry.” I told her.

I got up then helped her up and we went over to where Kevin and Howie were cooking the Barbeque.

“Hey dudes, is anything ready yet?” I asked them
“Yeah, we have some pieces of steak ready…” Howie said, “And some sausages.”
“Um.. can I have a piece of steak please?” Emma asked handing Kevin her paper plate so he could put a small piece of steak on there for her.

“There’s some salad and fries inside too.” Howie smiled.

“Thanks Howie.” She replied, taking her plate inside to the kitchen to get some sides.

“Nick, she really suits you.” Kevin said

“Thanks Kev, I really like her.”
“I think it’s a bit obvious by the way you’re blushing dude and by the way your hands keep wanting to touch her waist. Such an obvious sign that you like a girl.” Brian called from over where the others were.

“BRIAN THOMAS LITTRELL, SHUT UP!” I shouted back at him.

Emma’s Point of View

“Nick, she really suits you.” Kevin said to Nick as I closed the screen door to the kitchen.

“Thanks Kev, I really like her.” I heard Nick reply
“I think it’s a bit obvious by the way you’re blushing dude and by the way your hands want to touch her waist, it’s such an obvious sign that you like a girl.” Brian called from over where the others were.

“BRIAN THOMAS LITTRELL, SHUT UP!”  Nick shouted back at him and the others laughed.

Naw Nick had a crush on me. I have to admit, as much as used to hate him, I thought he was absolutely adorable and he seemed to genuinely care about me this time; inviting me to Brian’s barbeque, letting me sleep over at his house, how he held my hand when I was too shy about meeting the others.

I smiled to myself, feeling my face go red. I stood beside the screen door, out of sight after getting my salad and fries and heard Nick talking to Howie and Kevin about me.

“Guys, do you reckon if I ask her out, she’ll say yes?”
“Well by what we’ve seen today, she seems to like you. So yeah, go for it.” Kevin said reassuringly, “Plus, I like her. She’s not fussy like all the other girls you’ve dated, she isn’t self conscious and she is extremely beautiful and she has a nice personality.”
“How should I ask her out? I’m not the best at that remember?”

“Just get her alone, kiss her and ask her out. Say Emma, will you be my girlfriend?”  Howie replied reassuringly. “She’d be crazy if she said no.”

I then walked out and past Nick, smiling at him. He blushed. I think he knows I heard what he said.

I went and sat with Amanda at the table where she was talking to Leighanne, Leigh and Kristin.

“So Em, you’ll have to get us season tickets so we can come and watch you dance.” Kristin suggested.

“I’ll see what I can do, but I would love it if you came to watch.”

“So, you and Nick…”
“What about Nick and I?” I asked with a smile.

“You two seem pretty close.” Leighanne hinted.

“He’s really sweet. I really like him but I doubt he’d go for someone like me.”
“Why not? You’re beautiful, talented, sweet and have personality to boot. Trust me you’re nothing like the playboy bimbos he has flirted with in the past.”  Amanda replied reassuringly

“You should ask him out, guys always like it when girls make the first mood. Have you had a boyfriend before?” Leighanne asked.

“Yeah, but a long time ago, when I was fifteen. He’s the male lead at the New York Ballet now, we’re like best friends. Us dating was a huge mistake so I have never trusted any guy since.”
“Why? What happened?” Kristin asked.

“I’ve never told anyone.” I sighed “Not even my brothers.”
“Look, we promise we won’t tell Nick or anyone else. This is between the girls. We BackStreet Women have to stick together.” Leighanne reassured “We can go inside and talk.”

I wasn’t exactly sure about telling people I had only just met, my deepest darkest secret. No one knew this secret but me. I was too scared to say anything, but for some reason, I felt like I could trust them. I have never been able to trust any girl ever and I think that is because of the nature of my career. The Ballet world is so bitchy and competitive and I try not to get involved. But this secret was bigger than my career and don’t get me wrong it has had a major impact on my personality. Like I said before, I am shy now, I used to be out there and energetic and loving life. But when this event happened, everything changed for me and the way I act around people.

“I’ll tell you, but can we go somewhere where the boys won’t be able to overhear? I don’t feel comfortable with Nick finding out just yet.” I replied.

“Of course, come on girls, let’s go. We’ll go into my study.” Leighanne suggested.

We walked past the boys and went inside and up to Leighanne’s office and we all sat on the couches that she had placed around the room. Leighanne shut the door and sat down next to me.

“So Em…”
“Okay so um.. when I was sixteen, I was with the most handsome and kind and the sweetest guy in my dance studio. We had known each other since we were three years old. Everyone had predicted we’d date and probably get married. My parents loved him, my brothers got along with him and I thought he was the most amazing guy ever. He is now the principal male at the New York Ballet. But when we were seventeen, things got rocky. We were both getting serious about our dancing and one night, we decided we’d let loose a little. So we went to a party that the actual Ballet Company was holding seeing as we were apprentices at the time. We had a bit too drink and we were sitting out in the backyard of the house the party was at and he started making a move. I didn’t want to go that far until I was about twenty. Anyway, he got me down and wouldn’t let me go. He was really starting to scare me. I called out but he had muffled the sound of my yells with his hand. And well I guess you can tell what happened after that. I felt so dirty afterwards. He made me swear to never tell anyone other wise I would pay for it and my dance career would be over. Now we have to dance with each other, every day. His hands are on my waist and every time he touches me, I just get flash backs of that night.” I replied with tears pouring down my face.
“Emma! That’s horrible. You shouldn’t let him get away with that. How could you have not told anyone about what he did until now?” Leighanne asked
“Because I couldn’t let my career go. But now I realise that there’s more important things in life than a career. Just please don’t tell Nick.” I replied still in tears
“We won’t say a word. We promise. Just please, please, if you ever need anyone to talk to, we’re all here.” Amanda replied.

“I promise.”

“And you need to seriously tell someone, you can’t be tortured by this guy forever. You really can’t. It’s not fair on you and your mental well-being.” Kirstin said,
“He keeps inviting me over to his house but I keep finding excuses not to go. I don’t know what’d happen if I did.”

“You need to report it, I know he threatened you. But you need to end this.” Leigh replied “We’ll even go with you to report it”
“But it happened three years ago.”
“You can still report it. It’s your word against his.” Leighanne reassured me.

There was a knock on the office door, “Girls, we’re getting in the pool. Do you want to join us?” the voice was Brian’s. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“We’ll be down in a minute Brian.” Leighanne replied.

“Okay baby. Is everything alright?”
“Yeah, just meet us downstairs.”

“How did your parents not find out?” Kirstin asked.

“They died about two months after. The whole incident happened after I had a massive fight with Nick when we first met.”
“Oh. Why didn’t you tell your brothers?”
“Cause David was one of their best friends. They wouldn’t believe it.”
“Well we’ll stand up for you. We’ll help you through this. You need support for something like this.” Amanda reassured.

“Come on, let’s go and have fun with the boys.” Leighanne smiled.

I have to admit; I felt a lot better now telling the girls about what happened between David and I. It’s not all roses. That’s why I’m not a great sleeper.

We went downstairs and we all got into the pool and over to our respective guy. Nick was having a beer and talking to Brian.

“Were you girls okay? Em, why is your face red? Were you crying?” Nick asked.
“It… it doesn’t matter.”
“Yeah it does, was it something I did?” he asked worried.

“No, its not. It just doesn’t matter okay? I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay baby”

As the night got later, we retreated inside to the lounge room to watch movies together. Brian and Leighanne had fallen asleep on a mattress on the floor, AJ and Amanda had to leave at about eight o’clock because Amanda had work in the morning, Leigh and Howie were sitting watching the movie, cuddling and Kevin and Kirsten were asleep in the guest room by nine o’clock. Nick and I were just sitting there with his arm around me. I was getting a bit cold and my bag was outside by the pool so I got up and went to walk outside. Nick followed me.

“Are you alright? Do you like the guys?”
“Yeah they’re awesome people. The girls are awesome. They’re so easy to get along with.”

“That’s good. I’m glad you get along with them. You know, if you’re cold, you can have my tour hoodie?” he replied taking off the black hoodie he had on.

“No nick, it’s fine sweetheart. I have a jumper.”

He put his arms around my waist and pulled me closer. His face leaned closer to me and our lips connected. I felt a spark. A hand left my waist and one of Nick’s fingers gently caressed my face as we kissed.

I pulled away smiling.

“Emma, will you go out with me? I really like you and I’d like to take this further.”
“Nick, I’d love to be your girlfriend.”
“Really?”
“Yes really silly”

“Okay good.” He smiled with a cheesy grin. “Emma, I promise I will take care of you. No matter what.”
“Naww Nick.”
“No, I mean it. I want this to last.”

“I think you are incredibly adorable.” I replied, kissing his cheek.

I turned around and saw Leigh standing at the screen door giving me the thumbs up.

“You’ll be there for everything?” I asked.

“Every single thing baby.” He replied before he kissed me again.

Now I had to work out, how, just how, I was going to tell Nick about the whole David situation without causing a war or getting myself hurt again. I needed to end this thing with David. In that moment with Nick it felt like nothing mattered. I wanted to feel like that all the time but the rape was always in the back of my mind. I wanted to be normal and not have to worry and be paranoid about a man raping me every day. I wanted to let Nick in, but it was just something I was beginning to learn. I needed time to learn, so I thought, now is my time to just be a little girl again. Fall in love, feel like a princess and never let him go. But the chains… the chains are going to stay on the shackles until I tell Nick and the police. But now wasn’t the right time.

Two Weeks Later; September 10 2001

Nick’s Point of View

After two weeks of dating Emma, things seemed to be going smoothly. I had taken her to movies, out to dinner, to concerts and she had even come to an awards show with me- the Grammy’s. I was now in Los Angeles for a concert for a day and would be back the next day. She had been spending a lot of time with Amanda, Leighanne, Leigh and Kirstin when the guys and I weren’t in New York. But on the 10th September I got a strange phone call from Emma.

I was in soundcheck with the boys, getting ready for the concert. I had my phone in the pocket of my jeans. I excused myself and went off to the side of the stage to answer it.

I looked at the screen: Em :)

Hey baby, what’s up?

Oh sorry, are you busy Nicky?

Oh I’m just at sound check. Are you okay? You sound like you’ve been crying.

It’s nothing, really.

No, what happened?

I’m sorry I disturbed you Nick. Go back and do soundcheck.

Emma, don’t do this.

It’s just about work. Don’t worry.

Look, I’ll catch the first flight back to New York after the concert okay?

No, Nick don’t do that. Just enjoy a night in LA

Emma, I’ll see you at five in the morning okay? The concert should be finished by ten. It’s an early one.

Oh… fine. See you in the morning.

You can go and sleep at mine if you want. The key is under the pot plant out the back.

Thanks Nicky. Sorry again.

It’s okay but we’ll talk about it when I get home okay?

Okay. Bye Nicky.

Go over and see Amanda. Leighanne is in Atlanta at the moment.

I have already spoken to Amanda. Anyway I’ll see you when you get home sweetie. Be safe.

Alright love. See you soon.

I hung up and sighed. Emma was not very good at opening up about things, I think I had struck a chord when I mentioned her dance partner David and inviting him over. She completely changed the subject and told me not to mention him. I went back out onto the stage. Brian looked at me with a puzzled look.

“Emma” I mouthed.

He nodded.

When we went backstage to have dinner and get ready for the concert, Brian pulled me aside.

“What’s wrong? You look worried.”
“It’s Emma, something happened at her work. She was crying when she was talking to me. She wouldn’t tell me what was wrong. So if you guys don’t mind I’m going to catch a plane home after the show.”
“Yeah of course. We don’t mind at all. I was going to go to Atlanta anyway. Listen Nick, with Emma, I think she has a bit of a hidden past.”
“What do you mean?”
“Well Leighanne told me she has a bit of a secret but she couldn’t tell me what.”
“Oh. Well she hasn’t told me anything” I sighed sadly.

“She’ll tell you in her own time. Don’t force it.”

The concert went off without a hitch and at the end of the concert, I went back to the hotel got my suitcase and caught a cab to the airport and booked a seat on the next flight to New York.

I spent a majority of the flight typing on my laptop, organising things for the end of the tour and the start of my solo album recording. As we started decending into New York, the sun was coming up over the buildings and all looked peaceful. Little did the rest of the world know, three hours later, tragedy would strike and the world would change forever.

I caught a cab back to my house and unlocked the door and walked in quietly. I went into my room and saw Emma’s tiny figure snuggled under the doona. I went into my wardrobe and changed into a pair of grey boxers and a white wifebeater and got under the covers and gently put my arm around Emma who stirred a little.

She opened her eyes and smiled, “What time is it?”
“Six am beautiful. Go back to sleep.”
“I love you Nick.”

Woah, did she just say she loved me? Then again,  I heard a rumour that you should never listen to someone when they talk about emotions when they have just woken up or just had sex.

“I love you too muffin.” I replied kissing her cheek. She fell back to sleep as a gently stroked her cheek. Her cheek was hot from tears from the night before and her eyes were red.

I eventually dozed off, exhausted from being on the plane. I was woken at eight o’clock by a loud crashing sound in the distance. I shot up and looked out the window and I could see clouds of smoke rising into the sky. I had no idea what had happened. I flicked on the TV that I had in my room onto CNN and saw images of the World Trade Centre and a plane crashing into it. Then I heard another loud crash… What was happening? The human caused apocalypse?

I got a text from Brian, Watch CNN dude! Leighanne was meant to be on the first plane!!

She’s not though was she?!
No thank God.

Emma started to wake up and she sat up and saw the images on the screen.

“What happened?” she asked.

“Two planes just crashed into the World Trade Centre.”
“Are we safe in New York?” she asked in a panic.

“Relax baby. We’ll be fine. We’re not in a high rise and we’re in the suburbs. We just can’t go anywhere today alright?”
“Alright.”
“Listen do you want to tell me what the matter was last night?”
“Something more important just happened Nick.”
“Emma, please don’t start putting off telling me things. Please let me in.”

“I quit the ballet yesterday.”

“What? Why?” I asked.

“Okay promise you won’t freak out or go all psycho overprotective boyfriend on me?”
“It depends?”

“Okay well when I first met you three years ago, I was in a relationship with one of the guys I was dancing with at my Ballet studio and we had been friends since we were three. Anyway we had been dating for two years and things were getting rocky. We were invited to a party for the Ballet company so we decided to let loose a little and have a bit to drink. Well he raped me, I tried to let people know at the party but he covered my screams and he told me if I ever told anyone he’d end my dance career. I told Leighanne, Kirstin, Amanda and Leigh the other day and I couldn’t live with the fact I had told anyone so I quit the Ballet because David, the guy who raped me, is the principal male dancer.” She sobbed. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you until now. The girls were the first people I ever told.”
“Naw Baby, it’s fine I promise. Look we’ll get though this. Is that why you went off at me that day?”
“No, the whole thing with David happened about two weeks after.”
“Oh.”

“But Nick, you can’t tell anyone.”
“But baby, you have to get this douche arrested. What if he does this to someone else? I promise I will do everything in my power to protect you.”
“But I don’t want to put you in an awkward position.”
“It’s honestly fine baby girl. I promise we’ll take this relationship slow okay? I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Thank you sweetheart. You are the sweetest male to ever walk this earth. You know that?” she smiled before she kissed my lips softly.

“Well I try.” I smiled.

Later that day, more and more bad news kept coming. Reports of hundreds of deaths flashed on the TV screen. Another hijacking was reported… at the one place that is in charge of security… the Pentagon. America just didn’t feel safe anymore.

A call flashed on my mobile, it was from our management company.

Hello Nick speaking

Nick, it’s JR. Listen, Andrew, your drummer was caught in the Twin Towers.

What? What the fuck was he doing there?

We don’t know man.

Thanks for telling me. Have you told the others?

Yeah, listen man we’ll have a meeting in a few days about it all okay?

Alright. Did Brian tell you about Leighanne?

How she was meant to be on the plane? Yes.

I think everything is about to change man.

Yeah, I know right. Listen, just stay at home for the next few days okay?

Yeah will do. Thanks for letting me know about Andy man.

No problem bro. Catch you later

I hung up the phone and buried my face in my hands. Andy and I had just become close in the past twelve months since the release of Black and Blue and he had taught me so much more about the drums. I just let the tears come. Emma came over to me from where she was laying on the bed and she cradled me in her arms.

“Shh baby. Shhh.” She said quietly into my ear. “Everything will work out, I promise you.”

“A..Andrew was in the tower at the time. We don’t know why. Everything is turning to crap, AJ needs a break, Brian and Leighanne want to start a family, Howie wants a break and so does Kevin. I want to keep doing this but everything is just falling to shit.”

“Shhh Nicky, shhh. I promise you, I will be here. Nothing is going to fall to shit if I can help it. We’ll get through this together okay?” she said calmly

“I love you Emma. I know we’ve only been dating two weeks but I really love you and we click and I’ve never found that with a girl before. Regardless of all the shit we have going on.” I sobbed then kissed her cheek.

“I love you too sweetheart and I’m sorry for hurting you three years ago. I’m sorry for making you harm it’s all my fault.”
“It’s not just your fault. I was  stupid and going through a phase. I promise it wasn’t all your fault. We have each other now. That’s all that matters.” I sighed.

I don’t know how long she cradled me for, but it was the most secure feeling in the world. I hadn’t felt like this in years. I was one of the luckiest boys in the universe.

Later that night, there was a knock on the front door. I was still only in my boxers so I put a pair of track pants on and went down to see who it was. It was Phil, his face was red and it looked like he had been crying.

“Hey Phil, come in man.”

“Is Emma here?”
“Yeah she is, EM!” I called out.

Emma came down the stairs to see Phil standing there.

“Philly, what’s wrong?”
“It’s Joey.”

“Crap, I completely forgot he worked in the towers.”
“He was on the actual plane.” Phil said, the tears starting again.

Their eldest brother Joseph was a businessman and a very successful one. He worked in the World Trade Center but he also travelled all around America. What bad luck that the one day he wasn’t actually working in the tower, he was on the plane that crashed into the tower.

Emma suddenly clung to me, in tears.

I don’t know how long the three of us stood there in tears. Emma had to go home to be with Xavier and Phil for the night. In the middle of the night, I got a text from her at about midnight.

Can you please come over? I need you here.

Sure baby, I’ll be there in five minutes. I love you

Thank you! I love you too xx

I quickly had a shower and changed into a pair of track pants and a wife beater and put on a bit of cologne and went over to Emma’s. I walked inside and the house was so quiet. Emma walked out of her room, dressed in just an oversized t-shirt which I presumed was Joseph or Phil’s. I gave her a huge hug and I kissed her forehead.

She led me into her room and I smiled. Her room was so cute, pink and full of ballet memorabilia. There was a photo of her and her brothers and her parents on her bedside table. She put her head on the pillow and I laid next to her and spooned her and took in her scent. Lavender and vanilla.

“Why is life so cruel Nicky?”
“I don’t know baby, but remember what you said to me earlier? We’ll get through this together. I promise you! I really do. Even if everything does fall apart, we have each other.”

“You really are perfect, you know that?” she replied.

“I’m not perfect, trust me. I just want to make you happy.”

We didn’t sleep at all that night, we just cuddled and laid there in each others company. No funny business, we were just comforting each other. I knew in a few days we'd have to sort out the whole issue of Emma and her dancing and Emma's brother and Andy the drummer, but that'd all come in due time.

Five weeks later: October 14 2001

Emma’s Point of View

We couldn’t have a proper funeral for Joseph, we couldn’t find him in the rubble so we had a memorial service for him. I don’t think I have ever cried as much as I did that day. Nick came with me and just held me for the whole service. It was so comforting having him there. It was like the whole world’s problems had gone for an hour. We hadn’t talked about the whole David issue and me quitting the ballet but to be honest, I wasn’t missing it at all. The early mornings and the late nights were spent doing more important things and spending time with people who actually cared.

Nick was struggling with getting through everything and he found the fact that the boys wanted to take a break quite daunting because he just wanted to keep going with the band, despite the fact he was putting together his solo album.

After all the funerals and memorial services had been finished, Nick decided he’d take me away for a few days. We’d go on a road trip to Florida so I could meet his family and just have a bit of time away from everything.

We were going to leave New York on the 18th October and come back on about the 28th of October. I was staying at Nick’s after Joseph’s funeral because I just couldn’t stand being at home. Fraser had come home from England for the funeral and Aden drove all the way from LA. It was the first time we had all been home in about three years but just without Joseph, which was really upsetting because he was the one that held us all together when Mum and Dad died.

I had spent so much time sleeping since Joey’s funeral five weeks ago. I didn’t want anything to do with the world. I hadn’t felt this down in ages, probaby since the incident with David.

I was just napping when Nick got under the doona and snuggled up next to me and whispered in my ear, “Sweetheart, we need to talk.”
“I’m sleeping.” I groaned.

“We can’t leave this whole Ballet issue hanging.”

“I told you what happened and why I quit so can we drop it?”
“No, Em we need to discuss this. Ballet was your life.”
“Was is the key word in that sentence Nickolas. I don’t want to dance anymore okay? I’ll go to TAFE or something and get a diploma.”

“Emma.”

“Go away.”

Nick sighed and I felt him leave the bed. I could hear him talking on the phone in the next room.

“Brian, I need help. Emma has just completely shut down. Yes I know she’s greaving but this just doesn’t seem like the right way to do it. Brian, who’s side are you on? I have just never been in this situation before. I love her Brian, more than I have ever loved anyone. She is perfect but she is hurting herself and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried talking to her. We’re off to Florida in two days and I don’t want this hanging over our heads. I want it to be relaxing. Alright, I’ll do that. See you man, say hi to Leighanne for me.”

I rolled out of bed when I heard the click of Nick hanging up I was dressed in just a pair of black underwear and a t-shirt of Nick’s. I went into the next room where he was just facing a wall, away from me, with his head in his hands. I got down on my hands and knees and quietly crawled over to where he was without him noticing and I wrapped my arms around him. I kissed his neck and whispered in his ear.

“I’m sorry about what I said before. I’m just not used to opening up to people and I’ve never had to talk about the whole David incident.”
“It’s fine baby.”
“I just heard you talking to Brian. It’s not fine. Look, I want to go back to Ballet but I can’t. I don’t feel safe there.”
“Why don’t you try out for the Houston Ballet? Surely after being a principal dancer at the New York Ballet you’d get in there.”
“It doesn’t quite work like that sweetheart.”
“Why don’t you do the last bit of the Black and Blue tour with the boys and I?”
“I wouldn’t know all the moves and I’m not a dancer like what you have on the tour. I’ve only done ballet and contempoary.”
“That’s fine. We won’t use you in those parts, but there are parts where we have wanted a ballerina. For the slower more approprite songs. Please baby? We’ll pay you.”
“You don’t have to. I’ll do it for you.”
“No, I’ll make sure you get paid.”
“Where are you going for the next part of the tour?”
“Germany and Japan.”
“Oh okay. That’d be incredible. But discuss it with the boys because I don’t want to intrude and not be wanted on the tour”
“The boys love you baby but I’ll tell them you said yes. It was actually Brian’s suggestion that you come on tour. The boys want to watch you dance.”
“Have I ever shown you my dancing Nicky?” I asked before I kissed his cheek. He was still facing the wall and not me.

“No you haven’t baby but I’d love to watch you.”

“Well why don’t I go home and get some of my dance things and I’ll take you to the studio and show you.”
“Are you ready to do that though?”
“What time is it?” I asked.

“About four in the afternoon.”
“There won’t be anyone in there. Come on.” I smiled, getting up then Nick turned around and got up. He wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed me softly.

“You know I love you to pieces Em?”
“I know and I love you too. You have been so sweet to me this past month. I have never felt this loved before.”
“Neither have I. Come on baby let’s go.”

I went back into Nick’s room and grabbed my trackpants out of his wardrobe where I had left them and put them on and Nick and I went next door so I could change into my dance gear. I heard Nick talking to Fraser and Phil in the other room while I changed into a black singlet and a pair of leggings. I packed my old dance bag with a pair of pointe shoes and my soft shoes and all my things- bandaids for my toes, toe pads and foot tape. I put some music in my bag and I tied my hair back into a bun and went out into the kitchen where Nick was.

“Come on, let’s go.” I told him before he said goodbye to my brothers and we went out to his car next door.

I directed Nick to the ballet studio where I used to reherse when I was with the New York Ballet. There was one other car parked in the carpark for the dancers. I remembed the car, it was a silver Toyota. I swore under my breath and breathed deeply.

“Baby are you okay?”
“I’m fine” I said through gritted teeth.

We got out of the car and we made our way into the studio. It was deserted but I was still worried because that other car in the parking lot was David’s.

I went over to the CD player and put a CD in and told Nick to sit next to the player and wait while I put my pointe shoes on. The feeling of the ribbon on my ankles felt so different. I guess after not dancing for a month it doesn’t feel second nature anymore.

I quickly prepared my shoes then looked over at Nick and he started the music. I breathed deeply and began to dance. I looked over at Nick as I went through the steps of one of the dances I knew so well. The smile on his face was huge and he looked so amazed. I have to admit it did feel good dancing again and knowing that the person who was watching appreciated it.

I lost track of time as I danced, the music stopped but I just kept dancing. I was in the middle of a Pirouette when I heard the door of the studio open and I stopped, losing my balance and falling. I looked over at the door and saw David standing there.

“Emma, what are you doing here?”
“It’s not of your business David. I’m still allowed to use the studio.”

“I wasn’t saying you couldn’t. Why did you quit?” he asked.

“I’m not telling you.”

I looked over at Nick who was now fuming. He realised that this was David.

“Emma, can I talk to you outside about this?” David asked.

“No. I’m not going anywhere with you.”
“Listen mate, you need to leave. She obviously feels uncomforable with you around.”
David walked over to me and sat next to me and ran his fingers across my jaw line. I tried to move away to Nick and he grabbed my hand.

“If she felt uncomfortable she’d tell me. Wouldn’t you baby?” he said.

I started to feel tears well up in my eyes. Nick pulled David’s hand off mine and picked me up off the floor.

“LEAVE DAVID other wise I will tell the cops what you did to Emma.”
“She wouldn’t tell you what really happened because she knows she wanted it and she’s too ashamed to tell you that.”

“I never wanted what you did to me. I have never been able to trust you since then. I hate you touching me. LEAVE.” I exclaimed.

David got up and walked to the studio door and turned around.

“THIS ISN’T OVER EMMA! I KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE.”

Nick’s Point of View

You have no idea how much self control that just took not to absolutely bash the hell out of David when he walked into the studio. I should have known something bad was going to happen. I packed up Emma’s things once David left the studio. Emma was now sitting against the mirror, in tears. I picked her up from the floor in a bridal carry and carried her out to the car.

 When I put her into the car, I saw David standing by his car. He came over to me when I closed the passenger side of the car.

“Listen, whatever Emma told you isn’t true.”

“Well from what I’ve heard, it is true. She’d never lie to me.”
“She’s a lying manipulative bitch. Haven’t her brothers told you that?”
“You’re going to get hurt in a minute. Shut up and leave.”

He swung at me, I recoiled and hit him square in the face.

“NICK! STOP!” Emma called from inside the car.

“If you ever come near her again, I swear to God you’ll get it worse from me next time.” I exclaimed before I got in the car and shut my door. Emma was in hysterics.

Emma’s Point of View

I was so furious at David. He knows how to ruin everything. I felt so touched that Nick would stand up for me like that but I was scared of the repercussions of Nick punching David. As we drove home, I was sobbing that I didn’t notice that we pulled up at the Police Station. Nick came around to my door and took my hand and I stepped out of the car.

“Nick, I can’t do this.”
“You have to, otherwise he’ll never leave you alone and I don’t want you getting hurt. Take my hand and we’ll be fine. I promise.”
I sighed and walked into the police station with Nick.

Nick’s Point of View

As we walked into the Police station, I could feel Emma’s hand shaking in mine. I kissed her cheek.

“You’ll be fine. Just tell them everything.” I said before we walked up to the office bench where an officer was sorting through papers. “Hi, we’d like to report a rape?” I said to the officer.

“Oh, of course. Come on through.”

The officer showed us through to an interview room and we sat down.

“So when did this rape occur?”
“Well three years ago, but the harassment has been continuing since then.” Emma stated
“So you know the person?’ the officer asked.

“Yes, we were friends since we were about three years old. I’ve been too scared to report it because he threatened to hurt me even more. We just had a run in with him.” She sobbed.

“Well what is his name?” the officer enquired.

“David Stewart”
“What is his address?”

“34 Grace Boulevard, Jamestown.”

“Alright, we need you to give a statement for evidence. Did you see the attack sir?” they asked Nick.

“No, but  I was there when we had a run in with him just before. He swung at me and I punched him in self defense. He was touching Emma without her consent knowing it made her uncomfortable. I managed to get her away.”
“Alright. Well I’ll get you both to make statements and we’ll arrest him now on charges of Rape, Harrasment and bodily harm.”
“But I punched him…” I asked.

“In self defence so you won’t be charged just make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
“Thank you.”

“So if I could get you to say your statement into this recorder and also write it down then you can be on your way.”
“Thank you so much.” Emma replied.

“No problem. And sweetheart, talking always helps.” The officer suggested to Emma.

“I know. Thank you.”

When we completed our stastements, I took Emma home.  She was just inconsolable (a/n pun intended) and no matter what I tried, she just would not stop crying. I asked her if she wanted her brothers to come over and talk to her about it but she told me they didn’t even know so that ruled that idea out.

I took her into my room and took her in my arms and gently rocked her to sleep. She eventually lulled off about an hour later. I gently placed her on the bed and under the covers. I used the edge of my finger to lightly take away the tears that were on her cheek. I just laid beside her as she slept. I texted Brian and told him what had happened. He wasn’t exactly sure how to reply to it. All he said was, Maybe give her a bit of time. This was a big thing for her.

I knew that. I’m not that stupid. I just wasn’t sure what to do. Surely she had to feel relieved that she had turned David in. I couldn’t believe the guts he had to make a move on her like that in the dance studio. Who is seriously that stupid?

Emma’s Point of View

I felt so dirty after what David did. I could not stop crying, poor Nick had to put up with me crying the whole way home and even when we got home. I just couldn’t stop. Nick held me close to his chest and rocked me to sleep, as I listened to the sound of his heart gently beating. It was like a lullaby. But the nightmares came as they did every night, repeating every moment of the rape and tonight even a snippet of what happened in the dance studio. I woke with a start to find Nick not in the room. I looked out of his bedroom window to find it was night time. I looked over at the alarm clock and it read 1am. I got out of bed and went downstairs to find Nick in his office on his computer. He turned around on the chair to face me.

“Hey Nicky.”
“Oh hey princess. How are you feeling?”
“I had flashbacks again. I’m so over this shit. Why can’t I just forget about it? Why are you down here so late? It’s one in the morning.”

“This holiday to Florida will take your mind off it, I promise. I couldn’t sleep. I’m worried about you.”

“I just want it all to go away. I want to be able to sleep through the night and not see that bastard’s face.”
“It takes time baby. I’ll be there for you, I promise. In every way I can.”

“Thank you Nick.”

“Emma, I love you. I love you for your personality and your beauty and I love you because you are perfect for me. We might only be twenty but I want you to move in with me for good. If you want though. I’ve been thinking about this for ages and I think it’d be a really good thing for us. Maybe we could get a new place.”

“That would be wonderful, but where? You have to be close to the boys.”

“No I don’t. Where would you like to live?” he asked me.

“Away from New York, that’s for sure.”

“What about Australia?”
“I’d love to live in Australia but that’s way too far away for you. What about Dallas?” I asked.

“I love Texas. Well after the tour, let’s go and look for houses in Dallas hey?”
“Nick, I love you too.”

Nick gestured for me to sit on his lap. He kissed my neck. I felt shivers run up and down my spine. His hand went onto my thigh and started tracing patterns. I got up and turned around to straddle Nick’s lap.

We kissed each other with more passion than we ever had before. I ran my hands through this blond hair and moaned as his fingers drew circles on my hip bones.

Nick picked me up and he took me up to the bedroom. He laid me down gently on the bed and we continued to kiss. We’d been dating for about two months now and we had never got this intimate.

I felt Nick’s hand go underneath the black shirt I had on and I could feel the calluses on his fingers. We kept kissing with his intense passion. I could feel him grow harder through his jeans.

“I love you Em.” He said between kisses.

“Mmm. I love you too baby.”

I put my hands under his shirt and felt his abs. He moaned as I ran my hands over them. He flipped me over so I was on top of him. I took off the shirt he was wearing and just looked at him in awe. He was the most handsome man. I had seen him shirtless before, but he was just amazing.

I kissed his stomach and a low groan came from Nick. I smiled and kissed his lips and he returned it, deeper and a million times more passionate than before. He flipped us over again so he was on top this time. As we kissed, his hand ventured down to my  pants. I pulled away scared as I felt him start to pull my leggings down.

Nick’s Point of View

“Baby, what’s wrong?” I asked her as she pulled away from me as I went to go to second base with her.
“I… I don’t think I’m ready to do that just yet. Can we just kiss?”
“Of course sweetheart.” I replied, feeling bad now that I had pushed her.
“I’m sorry. I wish I wasn’t so scared about having sex. I want to give myself to you but right now I can’t.” she said, starting to cry. I felt so guilty.

“Shh princess. I promise it’s fine. But can I just tell you, you have the best hands.”
“I like yours. I haven’t had shivers like that before. I love you Nick and thanks for being so understanding.”
“Hey, like I said, I’ll help you through everything and right now this might take a bit more time.”

I kissed her forehead and ran my finger over her cheek. “Why don’t you have a shower and get ready for bed hey?”
“But I’ve been sleeping for ages. I’m not tired.” She replied.

“Well how about I make you a deal, you go and have a shower and get ready to go to sleep and I’ll sing you to sleep?” I bribed.

“Okay deal.”

Emma got up and went over to the bag that had her clothes in it and she went into my bathroom to shower and change. I had had a shower while Emma was sleeping and was dressed in my pyjamas- a white tee and a pair of cotton pants. While I waited for Emma, I went into my Music Room and grabbed my guitar and brought it back to the room. I was going to play a song for Emma that I had written about her for my Solo Album I was going to record after the Black and Blue tour was over.

Emma came back into the room, dressed in a grey slip. I smiled at her and she got under the covers. I sat on the edge of the bed with my guitar ready to sing.

“So Mr Carter, what shall you sing tonight?”
“Well this is a song I’m going to record for my solo album. I wrote it about you.”

“Naw. Play it!”

I began strumming the chords and looking into Emma’s eyes, the lyrics began to flow.

Yeah, oohh

I stare at your face

Into your eyes

Outside, there's so much passing us by

All of the sounds

All of the sights

Over the earth

And Under the sky

Too much cold

And too much rain

Too much heartache to explain

Who needs the world when I've got you

Switch off the sun, the stars and the moon

I've all I need inside of this room

Who needs the world when I've got you

Oh, no no

I walk on the street

Talk in the dark

I see people, strangers, falling apart

I open my arms

Try to be true

Seems my only truth is you

Am I wrong or am I right?

All I want is you tonight

Who needs the world when I've got you

Switch off the sun, the stars and the moon

I've all I need inside of this room

Who needs the world when I've got you

Who needs the stars so bright?

And the grass so green?

And the morning light?

Who needs the wind to blow

And the tide to rise

Who needs it?

I don’t know, I don’t know

Yeah

Who needs the world when I've got you

Switch off the sun, the stars and the moon

I've all I need inside of this room

Who needs the world when I've got you

Emma smiled as I finished the song. She came over to me and kissed me softly.

“That is the most beautiful song I have ever heard.”

“Well it was written for the most beautiful girl in the world” I replied.

“You are such a sweetheart Nickolas.”

“I try.” I beamed.

The day we were leaving for Tampa, Emma wasn’t feeling too fantastic. I kissed her on the cheek to wake her up.

“Emzie, come on sweetheart. Time to go.”
“You go without me Nick. I feel like shit.’
“Why Em?”
“I think I’m getting the flu. I don’t want to give it to you. Seriously, you go.”
“No, come on. We’ve been looking forward to this. You can sleep in the car alright? Everything is all packed.”

She groaned and rolled over to go back to sleep. I picked her up out of the bed, bridal style and took her into the garage and put her in the car. In her pyjamas.
“I hate you.”
“You love me, just go back to sleep little darlin. We have a long drive ahead of us.”
“Thanks Nicky.”
“I’ll stop at the pharmacy and get you some flu tablets.”

After four hours of driving, we stopped in a little town and I went to the boot of the car and got out a tshirt and a pair of jeans for Emma.

“Baby, wake up.”

“Where are we?”
“Just a little town in DC sweetie. We’ve been driving for four hours. Here’s some clothes to get changed in the service station bathrooms. I have to fuel up. Would you like something to eat?”
“I’ll meet you inside and choose then.” She replied half asleep
“Okay, come on sweetheart.”

Four hours later it was about four o’clock in the afternoon and we stopped at a hotel for the night. Emma went into the bathroom and had a shower and changed into a pair of pyjama pants and a tshirt of mine and curled up in the bed.

“Em, if you go to sleep now you won’t sleep tonight.”
“I feel horrible.”
“How about, I give you a massage and go and buy us some takeaway and some flu tablets and put on a movie and you can fall asleep?”
“Okay.” She groaned.

“That’s my girl.” I replied, kissing her forehead.

The next morning, we got up at about eight o’clock and Emma was feeling a lot better.  She had a bit of colour back in her face too.

“So baby, do you reckon we’ll get to Florida by tonight?” she asked as we drove along the highway
“I sure hope so, you need a bit of sun.” I smiled as I gently ran my finger over her rosy red cheek.
“I know, I need to get a tan. I was never allowed to when I was doing Ballet, because it made our leotards look weird.”
“It must feel good knowing you don’t have to rehearse that intensely anymore.”
“It does feel good but I’m really excited for Japan though. It’ll be good to do different styles of dancing rather than just Ballet.”
“Well there’s a bit where I have a solo part and some ballet would fit in well.”
“Well I’ll only do it if you agree to get into a leotard and some soft shoes.” She teased.
“You’re kidding sweetheart, right?”
“Yeah, but it’d be nice just for me to see.”
“I love you but no way!” I laughed.

When we finally got to Tampa, it was eleven o’clock at night and we were both exhausted after sharing turns driving. We pulled into my family’s property and I took our bags to my shack and I showed Emma around.

“Did you design this all by yourself?” she asked.
“I had the idea of a shack in mind for my house yeah. See I bought the land for my family and each of us has our own house. Aaron’s is more like a bachelors pad for a fourteen-year-old figure that one out? Angel’s is like way too girly, Leslie’s is pretty simple and BJ’s is too. Mum and Dad have the house just as we drove in. Pretty much everyone but me goes there for dinner and breakfast and stuff.”
“Oh awesome. I can’t wait to meet your siblings tomorrow.”
“I just warn you, BJ and Leslie can be quite judgemental so don’t worry about them too much. My Mum can come off as a bit of a cow but she’ll be alright. My Dad is awesome, I’ve told him all about you and he thinks you’re a good influence.”
“Just how many girls have you bought home Nickolas?” she asked as we sat on the couch.
“Three, but they were all pretty toxic relationships. This one is perfect.”
“I bloody hope so cause I love you.” She smiled.
I picked her up off the couch bridal style and carried her into my room. I gently placed her down on the bed.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“I love you too.’ I replied as I gently kissed her.

“Are you trying to get me to sleep with you?” she asked.
“No, not at all baby.” I smirked.
“I’m tired, come on. Go shower and we’ll go to bed.” She replied as she pushed me off her.

“But…”
“Nick, don’t push it. Soon, I promise. I want it to be perfect.”
“Oh okay.” I sighed.

The next morning, Emma was sound asleep and I had my arm draped over her chest when I woke up. I kissed her cheek and just watched her sleep. My phone beeped on my bedside table. I checked it to find a text from Aaron.

Are you at home?!
Sure am Bro, Just don’t come in cause Emma is still sound asleep. I’ll come up to the house when she wakes up. She hasn’t been too well.

Okay, see you later. Mum and Dad aren’t in TB at the moment. They’re in LA organising Leslie’s record contract so it’s just BJ, Angel and I.
Seriously? I told them we were coming like a week ago. Oh well.
I know, you know what they’re like. Go back to bed bro. It’s early!

What time is it anyway?

6am

You woke me up why?

Cause I know you love it :)

Later

I dozed off to sleep and when I woke up later, Emma was sitting on the edge of the bed putting her converse sneakers on. She was dressed in denim shorts and a t-shirt. I sat up and quietly moved to wrap my arms around her waist.

“Oh hey sleepy head.”
“What time is it baby?”
“Midday, you must have been exhausted from driving. Do you want to go for a walk on the beach?” she asked.
“Yeah sure. Put some flip-flops on though baby.”
“Oh okay.”

When he got down to the beach, which was about a two-minute walk from my shack, I took Emma down to the end with the rock pools where I used to take Aaron when he was younger. There was a rock that had been eroded out by the water that we could sit in and watch the water.

“Listen Nick,” she said as I put my arm around her shoulder.
“Yeah baby,”
“I promise I’m not trying to lead you on when it comes to sex. I want to give myself to you, but the only memory I have of sex is what happened with David and it wasn’t very nice. I want it to be special, perfect. Candles, the feeling like you actually love me. That’s what I want sex with you to be like for my first time.”
“Well if that’s what you want my darling then that’s what you’ll get. You know I love you with everything I have. If I didn’t we both know neither of us would be sitting here right now.” I replied before I kissed her ever so passionately.

She pulled away smiling, “I know, but sometimes, I need reassurance that I’ve done the right thing.”