Jane


Stella


Alex


Jack


Firstly what is a best friend? There are many different ways to explain what a best friend is. A best friend is a person who is meant to be there for you no matter what. A person who knows when you are sad, who can made you smile by just being by your side. A person you would drop everything just to be with you, a person who you can trust with your life. Who will keep your secrets, from the world and who understands, the truth behind your tears.
I had a friend like that, he was everything to me. I trusted him and he trusted me. But something went wrong along the way. Something cause us to fall apart, something caused us to fight, to yell, to finally break up.

We’d been best friends since first grade. Our mothers are best friends and our Dad work together, so we were inseparable. But now he doesn’t want anything to do with me. He is falling off the grid.

So my name is Jane Carter but mostly people just call me Jasey. It is my final year of school and it is my mission to get my best friend back. His name is Alexander William Gaskarth. He is my world, my rock. I know what you’re thinking; I’m in love with him. Well you are wrong.

“Jasey?” asked one of mine and Alex’s friends Jack. I blinked my eyes and smiled at him. Jack is a tall skinny guy but hand him a guitar and he just goes crazy. That’s just kinda who he is, crazy and out there. We were sitting outside on the flat at school on Monday morning. It’s been about a week since Alex and I had our major fight.

“Sorry what did you say?” I asked. He rolled his eyes.

“You never told me why you and Alex aren’t talking to each other?” he asked. I sighed resting my head on his shoulder. The school year had just started last week and that’s when Alex just stopped talking to me for no reason. Well not really no reason. During the winter break; Alex’s band All Time Low. Yes he is in a band. Don’t get any ideas about that. The band is made up of Alex as the lead singer, Jack as the lead guitarist, Zack Merrick who plays the bass guitar and back-up vocals and Rian Dawson who plays the drums. They have been best friends since year 9 when Alex and I moved schools from a private school to public. Jack thought we were weird when we first came but then Jack and Alex became friends at once when they found out that they both had a love for music. Now they you can’t part them a part. Then at the end of the year they became friends with Zack and Rian. That’s when they formed the band All Time Low. They are my friends too, I’m not a slut. I just get along with guys so much better than girls. Although I do have one best girlfriend named Stella. So that brings me back to winter break. Alex, Jack, Stella and I were driving to L.A to give a demo to the different record labels. Stella was flirting with Jack and Alex the whole trip. I kept telling her what she was doing and that she doesn’t have to right to date my friends. She just said I was jealous that Alex liked her and not me, which is a load of bull shit. I don’t get jealous, and anyways Alex and I are just friend. Sorry back to the story. So we were in L.A enjoying the sunshine and the beaches. Alex asked me on the three day in L.A if it was alright for him to ask Stella out. I just laughed at him.

“Really Alex, you want to go out with her?” I asked laughing at him. He raised his eye brow at me. I bit down on my lip and smiled.

“Please sweetie, I really like her” he begged me. I sighed.

“Tell me what you like about her and do not say her looks” I hissed at him. Stella has long blonde hair and a fit body. She is perfect, yet she thinks she is fat and needs to go under the knife which isn’t true.

“Her smile, her laugh, her humour, her personality” smiled Alex. I sighed. I really didn’t want them to be together but if he’s happy than I have to be.

“Sure” I said. He pulled me into his arms. He brushes a piece of my long reddish brown hair behind my ear. I looked into his brown eyes. He smiled as he looked into my blue eyes. He rubbed his finger down my cheek. I started to blush. Alex chuckled, about to pull out of our embrace but I pulled him back.

“Jasey?” he asked but before he could say anything else I pressed my lips to his. We kissed. We pulled back. I grinned bitting my lip. Okay so yeah, Alex and I kissed during winter break.

“YOU KISSED HIM?” yelled Jack. I laughed, I looked up at him.

“Yeah but I haven’t finished” I said. Jack nodded. So after Alex and I kissed we just sat in the hotel room staring at each other not saying a word.

“Alex?” I asked walking over to him. He got up and walked away from me. I sighed.

“I didn’t think that you liked me that way” he said messing with his hair.

“Neither did I, but I guess I do” I smiled. Alex shook his head.

“No, no, no. you are my best friend” said Alex muttering to himself. I sighed and sat down again and waited for him to say anything. That’s when the door opened.

“Alex, I know that you are best friends with Jane and everything but I was just wondering if maybe, I don’t know if you would want to go out with me?” asked Stella as she walked into the room not really looking up from the floor. I glared over at Alex who mouth for me to hide. So I hid behind the bed and waited to find out what Alex would say.

“Stella, I… I don’t know what to say because I think I might like Jasey too” said Alex nervously.

“So you like me?” asked Stella. Of course she would just hear that and nothing else. I popped my head up to see what was going on and to my surprise they were kissing. Okay, that my queue to leave. I made my way out of the room and bolted out of the hotel. I just sat outside the hotel for a while until Alex found me.

“I’m sorry” he said.

“Oh really, if you were sorry you wouldn’t of kissed her back. You would of stopped, pushed her away” I hissed at him.

“Jane please don’t do this” he said.

“Don’t do what Alex, so you my feelings?” I hissed again.

“you made it clear that you don’t want me with Stella” he yelled back.

“That because you are my best friend and she is my best friend and you don’t know what she is like” I yelled.

“Just admit that you love me?” yelled Alex.

“Why would I admit something that isn’t true” I spat back.

“Fine Jane, you’ve made it clear” yelled Alex turning away from me. So that was our first fight. Not the full reason behind why we aren’t talking to each other.

What do you do when your best friend has feeling for you but you are with her best friend because you don’t want to admit to yourself that you have feeling for her too?
So my best friend Jasey kissed me during winter break and I didn’t know how to react to it. Before I could do or say anything her best friend Stella came in and started me out. I like Stella, she is different from Jasey and different from the other girls I would normally fall for. We had a fight about her feeling for me. I just want to hear her say that she liked me but she is way too stubborn for her own good. I laughed to myself. I was walking to school with Stella. Our hands were linked together. I really didn’t want to be here with her but I guess I have to be. I just want to go and find Jasey and say sorry to her but it’s been a week since we stopped talking. It’s one of Stella’s many rules. I’m not allowed to talk to Jasey until we’ve slept together. Jasey was right about Stella. I had no idea what she is like. It never thought of her as a slut but man she is one.

“Aly, sweetie?” asked Stella gripping my hand tighter. I rubbed my eyes with my free hand and smiled over at her.

“Sorry I was just thinking about what I had today” I lied. She glared at me. You’ve got to be shitting me, why doesn’t she believe me?

“You’re thinking about her” she said harshly. I rolled my eyes letting go of her hand and walking away to find Jack or guys. I did find Jack but he was with Jasey. She was resting her head on his shoulder and they were laughing. I sighed. She’s with him, I just know it. So you might be wondering why Jasey and I aren’t talking to each other, it all start on winter break. We were heading to L.A so I could give all the different record labels my demo. Everything was going fine until I asked Jasey if I could ask Stella out, that’s when we kissed. Oh my god. That kiss was amazing. It took me by surprise. I really had no idea that Jasey had feeling for me. I didn’t even know I had feeling for her. If Stella hadn’t shown up Jasey and I would be together and happy but she had to come along and fuck everything up.

After that Jasey and I could be in the same room as each other or even look at each other.

“Alex what’s going on with you and Jasey?” asked Jack. I sighed. He is my best friend.

“She doesn’t want me to be with Stella” I said which wasn’t a lie but it wasn’t the full truth.

“Alex I know you and I know Jasey. What’s going on?” he asked raising an eye brow at me. I sighed.

“She admitted that she likes me” I said. I wasn’t going to tell him about the kiss because I knew he would tell me go after her and forget about Stella. He is right though. I should just forget about Stella and go after Jasey because Jasey is my everything, my rock.

“And you said?” asked Jack. I laughed.

“You went after Stella” he sighed shaking his head. So Jack was clueless about the whole thing.

So our next fight was over Jack. I was saying to her that Jack can’t be both our friends if we aren’t talking. That the only reason Jack is even friend with her is because of me and that automatically makes Jack mine. She is so stubborn but I love her anyways. So she won that fight in the end. After that I started to drink. Wasn’t the best thing to do but I want to forget my troubles. Jasey found out that I was drinking and had a go at me.

“Alex what are you thinking? Drinking away your problems won’t fix anything” she yelled at me. I was just lost in her eyes.

“It’s the easiest way to fix them” I smirked at her. She hit me.

“No it’s not. Alex I don’t want to lose you” she said as tears started to fall down her cheek. I pulled her into my arms wiping away her tears.

“You’re not going to lose me Jase, I love you too much to let that happen” I whispered to her.
Yeah I was an idiot for saying that because once I said it Stella walked into the room. That caused Jasey and Stella to have a bitch off. And my god you don’t want to be in the say room as two pissed off teenaged girls.

“What are you doing?” asked Stella.

“Comforting my best friend” I said but Jasey had gotten out of my arms and was trying to leave the room.

“Jane?” asked Stella crossing her arms. If anyone says Jane they mean business. If you are Jasey’s friend, you never, ever call her Jane, it’s just weird. Jasey just laughed at her. When I say laugh, I mean an evil laugh. It was scary.

“You are jealous of something that isn’t there” she laughed at Stella.

“There is something there” Stella spat back.

“Oh and you should know” hissed Jasey.

“What’s that meant to mean?” she asked.

“You know what that means, you slut” grinned Jasey pushing passed Stella.

So that was kinda our fight, over our feeling for each other, over Stella and over Jack but something else happened that Stella and Jack don’t know about. I’m her best friend and she came to me about everything but this time she didn’t come to me and I had to find her doing it. What I mean by that is, I caught her cutting herself. In all the years that I have known her, she has never come across as someone who would self-harm. That started a fight. Yelling and crying and swearing and hitting. The main reason we aren’t talking is because she will not explain to me her self harm.

After the fight about Stella, Alex and I had a fight about Jack, which I won to his dismay. Then about his drinking which no one won, we just started crying and yelling at each other. The next fight was about my self-harm. Okay the truth behind my self-harm isn’t a very nice story but I guess I have to tell you about it. It started back in year 8 when Alex and I were at a private school. Alex was my only friend which was a bad thing because the girls would always tease me, calling me names. Alex knew about the bullying but he didn’t really do anything about it, he didn’t try and stop it, he just stood back and let it happen, until it got too much and he asked if we could leave. That’s one of the reason we left, the other is because Alex was a trouble maker always up to no good, so he got kicked out. After that I stopped for a while because I was safe, away from the mean words and hate. But I was wrong I wasn’t safe, I wasn’t away from the mean words or that the hate. It started again at the beginning of year 10. That’s when I found Stella and we became friends. We got partnered together for an English project and it was instance friendship. I never told her about my cutting but she did find my scars one day and asked me about them. I told her that my family life isn’t the best and it wasn’t. 2004 was a bad year for us. My Dad lost his job and started to drink, which caused him to be violent towards Mum and me. He would always be drunk and yelling at me about his fucked up life. He didn’t even think to ask about my life. Alex knew about this but he didn’t really help. I told him everything about how my father would hit me and make me shower with him. He didn’t rape me. He just touched me. Alex did yell at my Dad and threaten to call the cops on him which caused him to get his acted together. I didn’t tell Alex that I was cutting because I really didn’t want to tell anyone about it. After that my life went up hill. Everything was going my way. I had five friends who I could depend on with my life. I trusted Jack, Alex and Stella the most because they knew me better than Rian and Zack. Since 2004 I haven’t cut myself but I started up again the start of this year 2006.
Alex caught me. Starts fight number 3.

”Jasey, why didn’t you tell me?” he asked tears streaming down his face. I put the knife down and walked over to him.

“Because I didn’t want to worry you” I said. He shook his head. I pulled him into my arms.

“Do you want to kill yourself?” he asked bluntly. I sighed.

“No of course not, it just… I don’t know… I just makes me feel better” I said. He pulled out of my arms and grabbed my wrist. He pushes up my sleeves to see the scars from the past that hadn’t healed fully.

“How long?” he asked. I bit down on my lip not wanting to admit that it’s been going on for a while. I didn’t say anything I just looked down at my wrists. Alex sighed.

“How long?” he asked more harshly.

“Since 2002, year 8” I said softly. Alex swore loudly. I looked up at him as tears fell down my face. I run my fingers through my hair. Alex pulled me into his arms. He kissed the top of my head, whispering to me that everything was alright.

“Why, why did you start this?” he asked. I rolled my eyes at him. He really didn’t know. How clueless can you be?

“You should know” I said.

“What’s that’s meant to mean?” he asked raising an eye brow at me. I pulled out of his embrace and just stormed away.

So that’s the main reason behind Alex and me not talking. I want him back but he said that he won’t stop his drinking because it makes him feel better, so I told him that I won’t stop my cutting for the same reason. We are as stubborn as each other, which is why we get along so well. I smiled to myself. I was sitting in spare just staring out to window trying to forget my worries.

“Jane?” I heard my name. I sighed and looked over to see Rian. I smiled. Rian is cute. It’s kinda hard to explain what he looks like but he is gorgeous.

“Hey” I said. He sat down next to me.

“I’m worried about Alex” he sighed. I nodded.

“So am I. this is the longest we have gone without talking or seeing each other. It’s driving me insane” I laughed. Rian put his hand on my arm.

“He isn’t himself” said Rian shaking his head. I raised an eye brow at him. He wasn’t telling me something and that was making me worry.

“Rian, what aren’t you telling me?” I asked. He took his hand off my arm and put them on his head, sighing deeply.

“I caught him cutting himself” my jaw just dropped. No, no. Not my Alex. Not my perfect boy, who has everything he wants. I got up and started running out of the room. I could hear the teacher yelling at me to get back but I didn’t stop. I had to get to Alex. I have to make this right. This is my entire fault. I caused him to start harming himself.

I kinda get why Jasey started her self-harm. She was bullied most of year 8 and year 10. I didn’t really know how to help her with that. I never really didn’t understand why girls bully each other.  Calling each other names and just being complete bitches towards Jasey. Then her family life got complicated, with her father losing his job and starting to drink. That was really scary. He was a mean drunk, very violent towards Jasey and her Mum. She told me about it because she couldn’t take it anymore. I was scared for her life. I just wanted to get her away from that man but she didn’t want that so I threaten to call the cops on him which caused him to get himself checked into a hospital. Then everything was sweet for most of it. She must have started with the bullying then again with her father. SHIT! Now I see, and I didn’t do anything to help her. She was afraid, scared and alone, the only way out was for her to cut.

I was sitting in the boy’s locker room, which was empty thank the lord, with a razor blade in my hand, which I had stolen from the art rooms. I looked down at my wrist; I rubbed the razor blade softly across my skin. It left a small line, not really a scar. This isn’t the place for me to cut, if I am going to. I sighed. Why am I doing this? Why do I want to start this, when I want to help Jasey stop her cutting? I looked down at my leg and the razor blade in my hand. I rolled up my pants so you could see my boxers. I pulled them up, I pressed the razor blade to my skin, bitting down on my lip as I cut. I let out a sigh, running my bloody fingers through my hair. I pressed again this time harder. This time I couldn’t hold in my screams. FUCK, escaped my mouth, tears streaming down face. Okay that hurt. Why does she do this to herself, it’s so fucking painful. Why would someone what to cause themselves more pain when their life is already shit? I really don’t understand why Jasey would want to harm herself. Couldn’t she just drink away the pain? Oh I get it know. She tried the drinking but because of the way her father acted this was the only other way.

“Alex?” I heard my name. I quickly pulled down my pants and washed my hands of the blood and wiped away my tears. Rian poked his head around the corner.

“Yeah” I smiled trying my best to act like nothing happened. Just play it cool Gaskarth, you haven’t done anything wrong. Just act casual. Don’t do anything stupid Gaskarth, just stay still and smile.

“I heard swearing” he said slowly walking towards me. I laughed. I can play this one. I bit down on my lip grinning. I put my hands in the back of my pocket.

“Oh, yeah that was just me closing the locker door on my fingers” I smiled he nodded, but his eyes locked on the seat. I looked back to see the razor blade and a pool of blood. SHIT!  How did I miss that? How could I be so careless? I gulped. This isn’t good. Please Rian don’t do this, just let me go.

“Alex?” he asked walking towards me, again. I smiled, I’m stuck, and there is no way out of this. What am I going to do? I bit down on my lip, forcing a smile on my face. Rian sighed shaking his head. He just walked away with his hands on his head. I let out a sigh of relief. Thank god for that. He must have known that I wasn’t going to tell him anything. I quickly cleaned up the mess I had made. I went into the change rooms to see if the bleeding had stop.  And thank god the bleeding had stopped and now I have 3 scars of where I cut. Now what lie am I going to tell, if anyone see them? I started to make my way out of the locker room, before I could get anywhere else I was attacked by a pair of arms.  Oh god, please don’t be Stella. I’m really not in the mood for her right now.

“Why, why would you do something like that?” I heard her sob in my arms. I knew that voice. I will never forget that voice. It’s my angel’s voice. I smiled as I looked down to see Jasey crying. I wrapped my arms around her, kissing the top of her head. What could have her in this state?

“What are you talking about sweetie?” I asked. She looked up at me, bitting down on her lip. I wiped away her tears with my thumb.

“Why did you start cutting?” she asked, burring her head in my chest. I sighed kissing the top of her head.  Why did Rian have to go tell her? I get that he is worried about me but telling Jasey really? Maybe he was trying to get us back together or something.

“Because I couldn’t see, I was blind to your pain, to your sorrow. I’m so sorry that I didn’t do anything to help you” I said as tears started to fall down my cheek. She popped her head up, smiling. She is just so cute. God, I am in love with her. I can’t believe I just admitted that to myself. I smiled down at her. She raised an eye brow at me, I couldn’t help but chuckle at her before leaning in and kissing her lips softly.

“Alex…” she started to say but I wouldn’t hear it. I just pressed my lips to hers again. This time she kissed me back. I grinned in our kiss. We pulled out of the kiss breathless. She was grinning happily.

“I’m sorry, you were right, and I love you” I whispered in her ear.

“I’m sorry, you were right and I love you too” she whispered back.

Tuesday morning, and it was like yesterday didn’t happen. I got to school to be greeted by Jack who told me about his late night convocation with Alex, which wasn’t anything new. Then I had my first 2 classes where I didn’t really pay attention then it was morning tea. Where the boys and I would sit across the room from Stella and Alex being all flirty and shit. It is quite annoying seeing as Alex and I kissed yesterday and he told me he loves me. Once morning tea was over it was time for 2 more classes that I wasn’t going to pay attention in again. I was most scared about lunch time. See Alex and Stella together were really pissing me off and the guys could tell.

“Jasey just relax” said Jack as I rested my head on his shoulder. I was surprised that Rian didn’t tell Jack about Alex’s cutting. He must not want to worry Jack about it. I wouldn’t want to worry Jack; worrying Jack is a bad idea. I let out a sigh opened my eyes to see Alex standing in front of me. Okay, what did I miss? He was smiling happily at me. Jack’s grip around me tightened. I forced a smile onto my face.

“What do you want Gaskarth?” hissed Jack. This is a first for Jack, yelling at his best friend. Jack never yells at anyone, I mean nobody.

“A way to break up with Stella” he frowned. I sighed and got out of Jack’s arms and pulled Alex into mine. I really didn’t want to let him go. I just wanted to stay like this forever but I knew that wasn’t going to happen. I looked over to see Stella flirting with the football captain. I laughed. I pulled out of Alex’s arms and pointed back at Stella. He smiled and stormed away. I sat down and watched the fight unfolded. I couldn’t hear what was going on but still it was funny. Alex was yelling at Stella, Stella was sobbing, the football jock was clueless. Stella run away in tears passed me. I think she wanted me to follow her but she knows that Alex will always come first if there is a fight going on. Alex stormed towards me smiling. He pulled me into his arms, whispering thank you. I smiled, kissed his lips softly before walking off to find Stella. This is going to interesting to hear what she has to say about this. I found her in the girls’ locker room.  I sat down next to her putting my arm around her. She rested her head on my shoulder and cried.

“He thought I was cheating on him. He called me a slut” she sobbed. I was holding back my laughter. I just nodded and let her cry. She is so clueless. I would say she is a blonde at times but that’s just mean, seeing as she is smart. And I mean smart. She gets straight A’s. We just sat here for a good hour. After a while I was just getting sick of it. I just wanted to go and be with Alex but that’s not going to happen until I fix this mess up.

“Stella, you do realize that Alex didn’t like you?” I asked her hoping that she wouldn’t get pissed off at me. She glared up at me, shit she looks pissed but she started laughing. Okay, this is scary. I just sat there watching her.

“Before I would just think you were jealous but now you really do know what’s best for Alex” she smiled. I let out a sigh. I just rolled my eyes at her. So it took her losing Alex to work out that I was right in the first place. Now I can say she is a blonde. I got up about to leave and go find Alex but she stopped me. I turned around folding my arms. Yep, I was pissed off; I really didn’t want to be here.

“What?” I hissed at her. She just gulped. Good be scared of me.

“Alex is mine” she hissed back. I forced a smile on my face before storming away. What a bitch. Alex isn’t hers. Alex isn’t anyone’s. I was pissed and if anyone got on my way I was going to bash them. Rian was about to say something but he just stepped aside.  Good boy. Well he knows when I’m in my moods not to get in my way. Most of my friends know that. I saw Alex who was smiling at me. I started to relax and get all my anger out of me. I got to him about to pull him into my arms when Stella appeared behind me. I bit down on my lip and put my hands in my pocket. Alex glared at me, I just rolled my eyes. Stella put her hands in front of Alex’s eyes. He sighed.

“Guess who?” asked Stella. Alex moved her hands away and turned around to face her. He was pissed.

“I thought I made it clear that I don’t want anything to do with you” he hissed. She just giggled. Be nice Carter, she is still your best friend. Just chill out, and don’t do anything stupid. Alex just laughed at her and walked towards me. I shook my head at him. He glared at me. I shook my head again. I saw Stella smile at this but she has no idea what was going on.

“Jasey?” whispered Alex. I sighed and dragged him away from Stella and mouthed to her 1 sec. she nodded, smiling happily to herself.

“Not know alright. She still thinks you’re hers” I said pulling him into my arms. He let out a sigh, kissing the top of my head.

“Alright, we’ll fix things with Stella before we fix us” he smiled brushing my hair out of my face. I nodded getting out of his arms and walking back to Stella. This was going to be a long week.

Wednesday morning, it was like nothing happened yesterday. I hate how we can’t get passed this. Jasey and I are meant to be together, even if it’s taken me 16 years to work it out, we are made for each other.

Stella was acting like we didn’t have a fight. No surprise there, if something doesn’t go her way she will just act like it never happened. She wants me in her life and there is nothing I can do to stop her. Then there is Jasey, who is acting like we didn’t kiss again or admit our feels together. What is wrong with her? Doesn’t she want to be with me? Doesn’t she want her best friend back? Or is this part of her plan to get me away from Stella?

I was walking into school with my hand linked with Stella’s, her grip is tight and I was trying to get out of it but it was no use. Listening to her talk about how cute we are as a couple. After a while of listening to her voice you will zone out. Her voice can get annoying after a while so I just zoned out. I really didn’t want to hear any more about how cute we are as a freaking couple.

So last night I cut again. I wasn’t planning on it but listening to Jack talk about how much Jasey has changed since we stopped talking. Listening to Rian whine about why I shouldn’t be cutting, and to Stella apologise over and over again. I just had enough; I just couldn’t take it anymore so I cut. Now I understand why Jasey does it. It’s a way to let your anger out and it feels amazing. It’s a way to feel better about anything and everything. It is addictive too. But last night I cut a bit too deep without thinking about it and now my leg is on fire. I’m surprised I was able to walk this morning. I’m just focusing on getting through today without passing out from the pain that it was causing me. Left foot in front of the right that’s all I have to do and start in a straight line.

“Alex, are you listening?” asked Stella. I shook my head as I run my hand through my hair. I really didn’t care that I was pissing her off by saying that I wasn’t listening. Truth be told I haven’t been listening to her since winter break. When I realised that I loved Jasey, well not really when I work it out, just after we kissed. My mind was way too busy with the thought of Jasey liking me that I just zone out on what Stella had to say. Stella has been Jasey’s friend since year 10 when they got partnered together. Stella’s rep back then wasn’t that good and the guys and I really didn’t want Jasey and Stella being friends but they became friends at once which, was unlike Jasey. She doesn’t really get along well with girls. We, Jasey and I, don’t know why but she just seems to get along with guys so much better. That just means I have to watch out for her more than usual.

I saw the guys talking to Jasey. I let go of Stella’s hand and run over to them. I was surprised that she let me go. Why did she let me go? Is she planning something too, or does she remember what happened yesterday and is letting me be with Jasey? God, why do girls have to be so confusing and so hard to understand? I looked back to see if she was following me but to my surprise she had disappeared. I didn’t think anything of it. I just shrugged and walked over to Jasey. She smiled at me and pulled me into her arms. Everyone just glared at us. We both laughed. Haven’t they seen us hug a million times before? What is so different about now? We are just best friends hugging each other. Maybe it’s the way Jasey and I are hugging that is a concern to them. Whatever it is, it was freaking me out.

“So are you guys together?” asked Rian. I wanted to nod but I knew that Jasey didn’t want anyone to know about us just yet. She wants us to talk about my drinking and i want to talk to her about the cutting and her feeling for me. I still haven’t got my head around this dating thing just yet. I’m scared that I am going to mess this up, that I’m going to lose her as a friend if we try dating but I trust Jasey enough to try. I looked over at Jasey shaking her head. I shook my head but I saw Jack raise an eyebrow at me. I sighed kissing the top of Jasey’s head causing her to blush. She hid her head in my arms and whispered in my ear,

“I’ve missed you” I nodded, holding onto her tightly. I really didn’t want to let go of her but I pulled out of our embrace and smile at her. She smiled and walked over to Rian who put his arms around her. I sighed. I shouldn’t be jealous Rian has a girlfriend, well not really but he is trying to get one.

“How are we going to get Stella off my back?” I asked as we all started walking to class, as the bell had just ringed.

“Just tell her the truth maybe” said Zack. I laughed and so did Jasey causing everyone to stop and stare at us.

“You don’t know Stella” said Jasey putting her hand in the back pockets of her black skinny jeans.

“She’s right, we don’t know Stella. Only she does. So we have to do as Jasey tell us” said Jack. Jasey smiled at him and mouthed thank you. Jack nodded and blew her a kiss.

Wednesday at lunch time, I was going to talk to Stella by myself and see if I can get her to back off Alex. I was waiting for her outside the girls’ locker room. I’ve been going over in my head what I’m going to say to her. I just can’t get it right but Stella knows how I’m not good with expressing my feeling. It’s been 5 mins since the bell had gone and Stella still hadn’t come out of the locker room. I sighed and walked in. There was nobody is here, just towel all over the floor. I sighed and wandered around looking for her. There is only one way out of the locker rooms, she couldn’t have gotten passed me. I heard something, like a person crying. I looked around the corner of her room. Stella was curled up on the floor crying. I really wasn’t in the mood to be the caring best friend. I was in the mood to be the bitchy over the top best friend. I slowly started to walk backwards away from her but she looked up and smiled at me. FUCK! I forced a smile on my face. Be nice Jasey, she is still your friend even if she is trying to steal your best friend from you. I took a deep breath in to make sure I wouldn’t yell at her or be a bitch, which I can be without even knowing it.

“I’ve fucked up” sobbed Stella. Oh she was admitting that she did something wrong for once. That’s a first for her. That turned my forced smile into a real one. She must really want to make things right between us or this is part of her plan to get me away from Alex.

“What did you fuck up?” I asked as I knelt in front of her. She wiped away her tears, smearing her make-up; she took a deep breath in.

“Everything with you, everything with Alex” she sighed. I nodded. What am I meant to say to her? Right now I was a time bomb ticking about to explored at her. I was trying so hard not to yell at her and call her in her place. Although, there is a part of me, that wants my best friend back.

“Stell, I love you and I always will but you turned into a bitch” I said smiling but not meaning too. I just wanted her to understand where I was coming from in all this mess that she has caused. She nodded and messed with her hair.

“I know I was a total bitch to you and I am so, so, so sorry for that. I never meant to be like that” she said smiling but it was kinda forced on. I sat down and leant up against the wall. I brought my knees up to my chest and hugged them.

“Then there is Alex” I said. I wanted to see what she has to say about this. Alex didn’t do anything wrong. He truly did like her to start off with but then she turned into the wicked witch of the west and all his feelings for her disappeared.

“Alex” she smiled, her eyes lit up, she cheeks became red. OH MY GOD! She is in love with him. FUCK! No, no, this can’t be happening. She can’t be in love with him. He is my best friend and my boyfriend. CRAP! What am I going to do? I just sat there waiting for her to say something but she just sat there staring off into space. I waved my hand in front of her face. She blinked as she shook her head. I raised an eyebrow at her, she giggled. I rolled my eyes and folded my arms. She bit down on her lip and smiled.

“I was stupid for going after Alex when I knew that you guys have this weird connection with each other. I shouldn’t have asked him out and I shouldn’t have focused him to stay with me just because I found out something” she said. She found something out. I glared at her trying to get her to spill, she loves to gossip about anything or anyone. She looked over at me and smiled, I sighed.

“So you can see the connection between Alex and I?” I asked trying to see if admitting my feelings for Alex would make her spill what she knows.

“Everyone can see it. You guys don’t act like best friends. You haven’t for a while now” smiled Stella. I forced myself to blush, but I knew what Stella was saying is true. We haven’t been acting like friends since year 11. I didn’t think anything of it until winter break this year.

“What I found out, you wouldn’t believe me if I told you” sighed Stella turned to face me and crossing her legs. I sighed and turned to face her.

“Just tell me and I’ll see” I said. She nodded.

“Alex…” but before she could finish that sentence we heard the door open and a bunch of girls laughing walk in. we quickly got up off the ground and made our way out, as the girls glared at us and whispered about us. Once Stella and I were out of the locker room she started to walk away from me like she forgot that she was about to tell me something important. I grabbed her arm causing her to trip forward. I giggled. She glared back at me. I smiled.

“Alex?” I asked putting my hands on my hips. Stella bit down on her lip.

“You won’t believe me” she said messing with her hair. I raised an eyebrow at me.

“Try me” I said but before get an answer Alex was walking towards us. Stella made her way over to him and I quickly followed. They were hugging by the time I caught up to them. Stella smiled at me and wandered off. I glared at Alex crossing my arms. He smiled, pulling me into his arms.

“I love you” he whispered as he pressed his lips against mine. I smiled in our kiss. I guess I won’t be finding out what Stella knows about Alex for a while now. What could she know that I wouldn’t believe if she told me?