2008

So I had this grand idea. After numerous broken relationships, smashed hearts, and really shitty dates I’d decided that being alone for the rest of my life would be better than all of the bullshit associated with dating and being in a relationship. There was only one man who I ever truly loved, trusted, and admired in my life and when he was taken away from me I knew I was destined to be single forever.  I figured that a big cuddly dog, a smutty romance novel, and a good vibrator could keep me just as happy, if not happier than I’d ever been in any of the relationships that I’d considered "good." You might laugh, but think about it… The dog would be there for me to cuddle with and talk to when I needed to vent. He would give me his undying attention, and never talk back or cut me off in the middle of a story saying, "Baby, let’s just fuck." The smutty romance novel would let me live vicariously through the eyes of some fantastic globetrotting heroine without actually having to make more effort than curling up in bed and reaching out for a page turn every few minutes. And let’s face it… a good vibe would get me off, every time, and never give me a STD or knock me up.  As long as I fed the dog, joined a book club and supplied a fresh set of batteries every so often I’d be set.

It was a good idea if I say so myself. I had a Prime membership on Amazon.com for all of my book purchases, a drawer that was always stocked with batteries for my favorite sex toys, and I became the proud mama to a furkid named Vinnie. Vinnie was a big lazy floppy thing of a dog who was the biggest baby in the word, but he was all mine. When I’d adopted him as a puppy from the Humane Society he had as many trust issues as I did. He’d been abused and abandoned before ending up at the Humane Society, and the minute I saw him I knew he had to be mine because we were too much alike. Of course I hadn’t planned on him growing up to weigh nearly as much as I did, snore worse than an old man, or hog the bed at night, but I loved him nevertheless. Over time he learned to trust me and doing so gave me faith that maybe someday I’d be able to trust again too (if I felt like it, that is).

By the time Vinnie was two I was pretty content with my new destiny. I’d learned how to be happy alone and my waking hours weren’t spent dating a bunch of losers wondering if I would find Mr. Right.  Vinnie was my furry social barometer.  If he didn’t trust someone then I knew not to trust them either.  The one time that I didn’t heed Vinnie’s warning and let someone into my condo who Vinnie didn’t like, the guy ended up trying to steal my laptop when he was supposed to be fixing my air conditioning.  Thankfully though, I caught the guy in the process and then Vinnie scared the piss out of him barking and growling while I called the building security and threatened to knock the guy upside the head with my Louisville Slugger.

I know what you’re thinking.  Surely I must be some homely loser hermit with a bunch of social phobias.  Otherwise why would I want to be alone and live with my dog, right?   You think I’m just a few trips to the Humane Society from becoming a Cat Lady and I don’t know the difference between eye liner and lip liner.  I’m not a loser though, I’m not a hermit, and sometimes I’d damn hot.  I love to travel, I rarely leave the house without makeup on, and I work from home because I can (in addition to having an extreme and very rare allergy to working in a cubicle).  I fully admit that there is an overwhelming sense of freedom in being able to sit around in mix-matched pajamas with bad hair any time I want.  Seriously, why the hell would I want to bring a man into my house and have to feel like I could only wear matching pajamas and make sure that my legs were always shaved?  Being alone with my books, my vibes, and my dog gave me the freedom I need to do my job instead of wasting time with bullshit that never really ends up mattering.

I’m a writer.  A novelist to be exact, and if I can toot my own horn for a moment I’m typically one of the most creative people you can find in a room full of average people (how many hermits do you know who can say that, huh?).  I spend my days and nights arranging words into works of art that people then buy (or check out from the library) to enjoy.  Writing is my life and my true love.

The books that put me on the public radar were a group of Teen/Young Adult books in a series based in a fictional town called Lake Pleasanton.  The Lake Pleasanton series is sort of like those Traveling Pants books but without the magical jeans.  I wrote about things that most, if not all, girls and women go through, added in a little romance here and there, and I had a hit.  By the time I had been out of college for a year I’d published book one of Lake Pleasanton and had nearly finished the second book.  Over time I added characters and broadened the lives of my characters to places outside of their little Midwestern hometown, but the real-life situations I wrote of never faltered.  I refused to write pithy crap just so that I could crank out my books at a rapid pace.  Lake Pleasanton got me noticed in the writing world, but it wasn’t by far my biggest hit.

My brother was the previously mentioned only man I ever truly loved, trusted, and admired in my life.  He was killed on 9/11.  His office had been on a floor above where the plane hit and he was unable to get out due to all of the escape routes being destroyed by the inferno caused by the jet fuel.  When he died, it was like having a limb torn from my body over and over again.  It was like being hit in the face with a brick and then having someone poke at my bruises with a knife.  In other words it was hell.  His death seriously fucked me up, but it also inspired a book.  My novel Tuesday Morning was the book that put me on the best sellers list and changed my whole world. 

It didn’t matter to me that I was suddenly a writer who was well known and I was doing talk shows and book tours.  I still believed that it was my destiny to be alone and although I generally enjoyed the fame that writing brought me, I still didn’t want anything to do with trying to add a romance into my life.  My friends, family, and even my agent were constantly trying to set me up on blind dates or telling me how they had a great guy friend that I needed to meet.  I suppose it was flattering to know that they thought enough of me to want to set me up, but I stayed away from the dating scene like the plague.

My mom would tell me, "Love will find you when you least expect it, honey…"

I’d laugh and tell her, "Well it’s going to have to work hard to find me, because I’m in hiding…"

Have I mentioned that my mom is prophetic?   Yeah, pretty much all of the women in our family have a touch of psychic power and my mom is downright freaky sometimes.  She can say something to me out of the blue and then a few minutes, hours, or days later, it will happen just like that. Like one day over lunch when she looked up at me from her pasta and said, "He has green eyes… Stunning green eyes."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked and laughed.

"He has green eyes…" she repeated calmly and kept eating her lunch.

"I HEARD that Mama, but WHO has green eyes?"

She shook her head and shrugged, "I don’t know… but he does…"

Most people would have thought she’d lost her mind and taken a moment to call the nearest mental hospital to have her checked out... But I shrugged it off, and two days later those stunning green eyes came smack dab into my life.

"Vinnie, come on baby…"

I pulled at his leash and he pulled away from me with all of his weight nearly pulling me over with him.

"Come on… don’t… fight… Mama…"

I practically grunted as I played tug of war with him and began to laugh at how insane I must have looked. Vinnie was making moaning noises at me trying to pull away from me and it only served to make me laugh harder.

"Vincent, you big lug, come ON!"

That was my Mama voice… it didn’t work. He laid himself down on the floor of the hallway with a groan and I tried pulling him along the carpet.

"Vinners please?"

I pleaded and stopped pulling. I gave up and sat down on the floor next to him and he plopped his head in my lap and licked my hand breaking my heart.

"Honey I know you hate the elevator… I know you do…" I told him quietly as I sat there on the floor oblivious to the rest of the world stroking his soft head. "But honey… We‘re not walking up five flights of stairs. You want to go to the doggie park don‘t you?"

I swear the dog understood English because he picked his head up and looked directly at me.

"That’s right… Uncle Christian needs us to water his plants upstairs and we have to use the elevator. So please, baby? Can we try again… it’ll be over before you know it and then we’ll go to the doggie park."

I ruffled his ears and bent my head closer to him to whisper, "I’ll even let you swim in the pond…" I stood up and held his leash in my hand again.

"Come on, baby…" He let out a sigh and slowly stood up causing me to grin, "That’s my big boy!"

"That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen…"

The voice from behind stopped me dead in my tracks. It was so quiet, yet so strong, so beautiful. A real Man’s Man voice. Goose bumps formed on my arms and I did a little shiver before turning to face him after pressing the elevator button. I patted Vinnie’s head reassuringly and then looked toward the guy with the voice. "Sorry, I didn’t mean to block you… He’s got issues with the elevator…"

He chuckled and nodded from behind two big brown boxes he was holding stacked in his arms, "I’ve never seen a dog respond to someone like that... It was kinda cool."

I smiled and scratched behind Vinnie’s ear while I talked, "I respect him so he respects me. It’s not that difficult. Plus, the harder I pull, the harder he pulls… and let’s face it, he could pull me down the street without even thinking about it."

"I bet…"

The guy shifted a bit with the boxes and I could tell they were moving boxes by the Sharpie notes scrawled on the outside of them in boxy guy handwriting, “So are you moving in or helping someone else move in?”

He peeked around the boxes enough that I could see he had sunglasses on, and his hair was longish but pulled back into a ponytail. I couldn’t tell just how long it was from the way he was standing though. "I‘m moving in… sorta. Just for the summer. My friend lives here but he‘s going to be out of the country most of the summer so I told him I‘d stay here and use his place."

“Wait… are you Roland’s friend?”

“Yeah… how’d you know?”

I pushed the elevator button again as if it were going to make the elevator come faster. The building where my best friend Christian and his boyfriend Josef lived was an amazing high rise condo community right on the beach in Daytona Beach Shores. Everything about the building was fantastic except for the elevators that took for freaking ever. “My friends live up on Five, they’ll be your neighbors for the summer when they get back from their trip tomorrow. A few weeks ago we were having a cook out and Roland was telling me that he had a friend coming to stay in the condo for the summer. Is he already gone?”

"Yeah, I spoke to him yesterday and he'd made it to London."

"That's good.  This is a great place, you'll love it here."

“So do you live here too?” the guy asked and shifted with the boxes again as we waited for the elevator. I was hoping the boxes weren’t too horribly heavy. He didn’t look to be suffering and although I considered offering to help him hold the boxes, I had visions of me taking a box and Vinnie deciding to make a run for it pulling me and the box down the hall. It wasn’t a good thought.

“Nope… I’ve got a house not far from here. Vin and I just visit. Although we’re here enough that people probably think that we live here… Everyone in the building knows who Vinnie is even if they don’t know my name.” I looked at Vinnie and he wagged his nub of a tail. "He’s the building superstar… other than Roland, of course.”

The man laughed and nodded, "Good to know… Are the elevators usually so slow?"

“Always… they’re horrible. Everything else is great though.”

“I suppose I can‘t complain too much in that case…” Just then the doors of the elevator finally opened and I let the guy walk into the elevator first. He sort of propped the boxes up between him and the wall of the elevator with his leg.

I followed him in with Vinnie. “Fifth floor, I presume?” I asked lamely with a smile.

“Yes, please…” the guy answered with a chuckle. He was still facing the wall so that he could rest the weight of the boxes on his bent leg. All Roland had told me about the person moving in for the summer was that he was “a nice guy.” I took this to mean that his friend was somehow famous. Roland was a record producer, a very successful one, and had a lot of famous friends. Usually if he refused to tell us the name of someone he was speaking of it meant they were in the business and he wasn’t going to name drop. I admired him for that. I’d been around enough people whose main goal in life was to meet famous folks just so they could name drop and it was rather annoying. Even with my limited celebrity status, I knew that Roland’s no name dropping rule was a breath of fresh air in the often stuffy business of being a celebrity.

I looked at the back of this guy and couldn’t for the life of me figure out who he was, if he was someone famous. All I could tell was that his hair was well kept and a lovely dark chestnut brown. It was long enough to be in a pony tail but not long enough to creep me out. I wasn’t a fan of guys whose hair was longer than my own. The guy also had a great butt from what I could tell by admiring his khaki cargo shorts. His legs were nice too, as were his arms, and his shoulders, neck... I may have been destined to be single for the rest of my life but I wasn’t dead. When I saw a good looking backside of a man, I knew it.

Apparently Vinnie knew it too. He typically spent the ride in the elevator leaning his full weight against my leg groaning in misery like he were being tortured because he hated it so much. He was quite the Drama Queen for a dog. This time though Vinnie dared to move about the elevator during the ride and put his nose directly up the cute butt of the guy taking a few deep sniffs and snorts. “Vinnie, no!” I cried and tugged on his leash. The guy laughed and nearly dropped his boxes, “Jesus, I’m so sorry… he never does this…”

“It’s okay…” he said, still laughing.

I began to giggle and before long the two of us were standing there cracking up. I looked at Vinnie and scratched his "good spot" on his head for him, “Goofy dog… you’re at least supposed to wait until the second date to goose someone like that.” Vinnie looked up at me and cocked his head to the side and then began “smiling” as he panted. I’d never seen him so comfortable in an elevator.

When the doors of the elevator opened I held Vinnie back and let the guy walk out first then followed him. We reached Roland’s door and just as I was about to offer my help in getting the door unlocked the guy set the boxes down on the floor and pulled his keys out of his pocket. He started to unlock the door and stopped in mid motion then turned to me, “So, Hi…"

I smiled and glanced at him for a second finally taking in his full face, "Hi…"

Vinnie pulled at his leash trying to get to the man‘s boxes for a good sniff. I tugged at his leash and the guy took his sunglasses off sticking them in the collar of his shirt and outstretching his hand to me, "I’m Kevin, by the way…"

I looked into his eyes for the first time as I switched the leash to my left hand and reached out with my right shaking his hand firmly, "Kel…" I smiled and chuckled hearing my mother’s voice in my head, "He has green eyes… Stunning green eyes."

I knew who he was. I’d go as far as to say that not many women in the States around my age would have a hard time knowing who he was at least by sight if not by name. He’d been all over television, magazine and radio for years, it was sort of difficult to not know him. And suddenly there he was… Kevin Richardson was moving in next door to my best friend for the summer.

Kevin was a Backstreet Boy. Or rather, he’d been a Backstreet Boy for over a decade and then decided to retire from the boyband to pursue other opportunities. Or at least that’s the last I’d heard about him in the press. It wasn’t like I followed his career in the news or anything, I was actually very much into one of Kevin’s “rival” boybands for years. But see, I’d met Kevin before and once I meet someone if I hear their name or see it in an article I tend to pay attention. Apparently Kevin wasn’t the same way though because when he’d introduced himself to me in the hallway that afternoon there wasn’t a flash of recognition on his face whatsoever. He had no idea, or so it seemed, that he’d once sat at the same table as I at some posh dinner party and talked to me for hours about everything under the sun. I didn’t blame him though, I’d barely broken my way into being published when we’d met and why would a famous Pop Star stud want to remember a college chick who wrote chick-lit for young adults?

While I watered the plants in Christian’s condo I thought about Kevin and what had changed since we’d last met. It had been about seven years. Back then Kevin was at the height of his career, and I was at the beginning of mine. Since then, I’d moved up… way up… in the publishing world and although Kevin hadn’t lost his celebrity status, it certainly had changed. Now I was the one doing talk shows and book tours to promote my work while Kevin was living a less public life than he had before.

The one thing I couldn’t figure out was whether Kevin was still married or not. When I’d met him he was engaged to some beautiful blonde dancer who basically looked like the perfect match for him. I knew they eventually did tie the knot, but now with him spending a summer in Roland’s condo, seemingly alone, I had to wonder… where was the blonde? Were they still married? Was there trouble in paradise? Not that it mattered, I just wondered. I'm a writer, my mind does things like that. I tried to remember if I’d seen a ring in the short time that we chatted in the hallway, but I honestly couldn’t recall. I didn’t think he was wearing one, but then again once I saw those green eyes looking at me I really wasn’t good for much anyway.

I almost called my mother from Christian’s place to ask her if she’d had any other visions about this guy with the green eyes, but I blew it off as me being silly and possibly a bit dehydrated from too much sun and not enough liquids. I stole a bottle of water from the fridge, gave Vinnie his own bowl of water to drink, and then decided to let the green eye conversation with my mom wait until later.

Going down in the elevators with Vinnie was never as much trouble as going up was. I think he knew that if we were up on the fifth floor and waiting for an elevator it meant we were going back down to solid ground and that he’d soon be standing in the car with his head hanging out of the window and his ears flapping in the wind. Vinnie loved riding in the car, even if it was just the five minute drive from the condos to our house down the road.

We made it down the elevators and into the bright parking lot with a minimal amount of groaning and then Vinnie happily leaped into my car and made himself comfortable in “his” seat. I ruffled his ears with a smile and then shut the door for him. Walking toward my side of the car I was distracted thinking about what to have for dinner, wondering if making a trip to Starbucks could be justified even though it was in the opposite direction of my house, and yes… I was still thinking about Kevin and his eyes. In my distraction and thanks to my inherent clumsiness I dropped my keys half way around the car and they tumbled underneath the back of the car.

I stopped and crouched down to pick them up, "Shit…" I reached my arm under the car and struggled to reach the keys as I mumbled a potpourri of obscenities.

"Hello again…"

His voice startled me and I jumped hitting my head on the hitch on my car, "Fuck me!" I closed my eyes and my hand immediately went to the point of pain on my head as I let out a groan and a whine.

I heard him set a box down on the ground, "Holy shit, are you okay?" I sat back on my knees and kept my hand on my head making that groaning sound that only comes out when you hit your head and can’t talk as the pain shoots through your body. "Let me look…" he said as I opened my teary eyes and looked back up at him. He had his sunglasses back on but took them off again so he could look at my head. "Move your hand…" he said quietly, almost in a whisper as I stared into his eyes. I moved my hand carefully and he gently felt my head with his hand. I winced at his touch and closed my eyes again. "Wow… you have a bump…"

"No shit…" I groaned looking back up at him noticing his eyes for the millionth time. He stared at me as I stared at him, "Stunning…"

"Huh?" he smiled.

"Oh…" I chuckled. "Uh… your eyes… they’re stunning."

He blushed and looked away for a moment, "Thank you. How about I help you up?"

I smiled and nodded slowly as more pain shot through my head. He reached out and put a hand underneath each of my forearms and I grabbed a hold of his arms. He had really nice arms. He smiled at me once I was standing and looked at me still holding my arms loosely, "You okay?"

"Yeah I’m good…" I swerved a bit as I reached out for him again and he tightened his grip.

"Dizzy?"

"A little…" I admitted timidly.

"Well I’m not leaving you alone then. You could have a concussion…"

I rolled my eyes, "I don’t have a concussion."

"You could…"

"Kevin?"

"Yeah?"

"I don’t have a concussion…"

Two hours later I sat on an examination bed in the ER looking at a med student with Kevin standing nearby, "You have a slight concussion, ma’am."

Kevin chuckled and began biting his thumbnail to avoid laughing. I shot him a look and then smiled, "Can I go home now?"

"Yes I’ll discharge you now…" the med student said. He looked at Kevin, "You’ll have to make sure that she doesn’t sleep more than two hours at a time, and if the pain gets worse, come back in. I’ll give you the painkillers and she can have them every four to six hours."

"Oh I…" Kevin stumbled over his words looking between the doctor and me as he held the bottle of pills. “I’m…”

"He’s not ‘with’ me…" I said to the student. "He just made me hit my head. He’s a neighbor of my… I’ll be okay…"

"Is there someone else who could stay with you?" the med student asked.

"Does my dog count?" The pain killers they gave me clearly were beginning to kick in because I laughed pretty heartily at that one, I almost snorted.

He didn’t laugh. "You need someone to wake you up every few hours… it’s standard protocol with concussions. Otherwise we’ll have to admit you for the night for observation."

"I’m not staying here…" I said as I slid off of the bed.

"Ma’am…"

"Stop calling me that… I refuse to be called ma’am… do I look like a ma’am to you?"

"No ma’am I…"

"I’m going home…" I was getting grumpy and although the painkillers were beginning to work, when I stood up I realized just how much they still weren’t working yet. My head was pounding from the sudden movement off of the bed and all I wanted to do was go home and curl up with Vinnie and sleep.

The med student reached out and grabbed my arm, "Miss… I really don’t think that…" I turned around and all but growled at him. He quickly removed his hand from my arm.

"I’ll take care of her…" Kevin said quietly stepping in between the student and me. I looked at him ready to protest but he caught me with his eyes and I was speechless. Damn his pretty eyes. He smiled and handed me the ice pack that I’d left sitting on the bed. "Come on, I’ll take you home…"

Part 4 – Always Prepared

I continued to protest all the way from the hospital back toward home. Kevin drove and I pouted looking out of the window through his sunglasses. The bright sun was only making my head hurt more and he’d leant me the glasses to help since I’d broken mine as they were on my head when I crashed my skull into the hitch of my car. I couldn’t believe how much I trusted him. I had a hard time letting my own mother drive my car and yet I’d met him that morning and he was driving it. Technically yeah, I’d met him before and knew bits and pieces of information about him but he was still basically a complete stranger and I shouldn’t have trusted him so much so quickly. I shrugged it off as the concussion making me act weird, but Vinnie didn’t have anything as easy to blame for his behavior. From goosing Kevin in the elevator to him hanging out of the back window of my car as if it were no big deal that a man he’d never met was driving our car, Vinnie was acting as weird as I was but without the head injury and Vicodin to blame. Maybe it was Kevin’s eyes, or maybe his voice and the trace of a twang that slipped out every so often. It could have been the way he took care of me, or maybe just that he was gorgeous from head to toe and I hadn’t been that close to perfection basically ever in the seven years that had passed since we first met. Whatever it was, I was acting like the man sitting next to me was an old friend who I could trust with my deepest darkest secrets. It was freaking weird.

"I really think you should let me drive you home…" he told me as we pulled back into the parking lot of the condos.

"I’ll be okay…" I said quietly. "It’s a 5 minute drive."

He sighed and turned his body looking at me, "Let me follow you then. Make sure you and Vinnie get home, then I’ll leave you be."

I was beginning to hate the way his eyes hypnotized me, "Can I keep the glasses til we get there?"

He smiled and nodded, "Definitely… I’ll follow you."

Five short minutes later Kevin pulled his car in the driveway behind me and stepped out of his car. He walked me into the house taking Vinnie’s leash and I plopped my keys on the coffee table along with my painkillers and ice pack. I turned around and looked at him as I removed the sunglasses and handed them back, "Thank you…"

"Welcome…" He looked around the living room and smiled, "You’ve got a nice place here…"

I fought the urge to say “Yeah I know…” and instead said thank you again. I love my house. My house is my dream house. It’s a beautiful place that is basically like a big beach house with lots of windows, white washed wood, and lots of bright comfortable spaces for sitting and writing or reading or watching the waves. There wasn’t one thing about my house that I disliked, it was my present to myself after I’d finally started making money with my books and let me tell you, living where I did wasn’t cheap. But it was oh so worth it.

I watched Kevin as he looked around my place and Vinnie picked up one of his toys and dropped it on Kevin’s foot. He chuckled and picked it up groaning at the drool on it, "Eww…"

I laughed, "He slimes…"

"I can see…" he laughed.

"He wants you to throw it down the hall for him… that’s his favorite pastime…" I said as I sat down on the edge of the coffee table. Kevin nodded and tossed the toy down the hall causing Vinnie to race after it. I chuckled watching him as he fetched the toy and dropped it on Kevin’s foot again.

Kevin picked up the toy and threw it again, "You need anything before I go? Maybe I should give you my number in case you need anything tonight… Do you have something to eat? The doctor said you should eat with the Vicodin… I could make you a sandwich or something, or whatever you want..." I smiled looking up at Kevin as he threw Vinnie’s toy again. "What? Am I rambling?"

"Yuh huh…"

"Sorry…"

"It’s okay… I think I’ll be okay. My mom isn't too far of a drive away, if I…"

"And I’m only five minutes away so I’m giving you my number," he interrupted. I shrugged and smiled. "What, no arguing?"

"I’m too tired…" I grinned. “Vicodin…”

Kevin chuckled with a nod and threw the toy again. In his attempt to run down the hall at the speed of light, or at least what he thought was the speed of light, Vinnie knocked over a glass of water that had been sitting on an end table as he brushed it with his body. "Oh damn… towel?"

"Hall closet…" I pointed as I moved from the table to the couch and made myself a little more comfortable lying down and returned the ice pack to my bump.

"Wow…" I heard him murmur from the hall as he looked for a towel in the closet.

"What?" I asked with a puzzled look on my face.

"Oh nothing… you just have a lot of batteries in here…"

"I’m always prepared…" I whispered to myself with a chuckle.

"Huh?" he asked stepping back into the living room sopping up the water with a towel.

I laughed a little harder, "Nothing…"

He looked at me with a skeptical look and chuckled before looking back to the carpet. When the water was all gone, he got up and sat on the coffee table looking at me, "So… you never answered about food…"

"Um… Ramen Noodles and Oreos?"

"How about pizza?"

"I don’t have pizza…" I teased with a yawn.

"Well it just so happens that you’re looking at someone who makes a damn good pizza order… I’m a pro at calling Pizza Hut and I happen to know that there’s one not far from here…" he grinned.

He got me with his eyes again and I smiled with another yawn as my own eyes closed, “Their number is on a magnet on the fridge… wake me up when it gets here. And don’t let Vinnie boss you around too much...”

It’s amazing how well you can get to know someone over a slight concussion. Kevin stayed with me all night and we spent hours talking. Every now and then I’d pass out in a happy Vicodin haze and he’d busy himself playing with Vinnie or watching television, but every time I’d wake up he was there. At one point while I was drifting in and out of sleep I heard him talking to someone on his cell phone and I remember wondering who it was, but couldn’t stay awake long enough to be nosy and ask.

Vinnie was really beginning to worry me the way that he’d taken so quickly to Kevin. He was all over the man. Not that I blamed him. Kevin was absolutely beautiful. When he took his button up shirt off to reveal a white tee shirt that hugged all of the right places I literally had to bite back a lustful sigh. I hadn’t had any reason for a lustful sigh in so long I’d almost forgotten what it was like. The crisp white of the shirt against his toned and tanned skin made my head swim. I couldn’t believe how I was obsessing over his body, but I couldn’t keep my eyes off of it, he was damn near perfect. I sat there thinking that he HAD to have an imperfection. He couldn’t be sexy, funny, beautiful, talented and all of the above without having SOMEthing wrong with him.

"Do you smoke?" I pried trying to find out his flaw.

"Nope… my dad had cancer."

Damn. "Mine too actually. I was just trying to be nosy really."

He smiled his perfect smile and nodded, "It’s okay."

"You dance?"  Duh, I knew he could dance, he was in a boyband for crying out loud.  Stupid concussion.

"Love to dance," he grinned.

Damn, Damn. "You any good?"

I knew the answer to that one too.  Damn Vicodin.  He shrugged and smiled, "I’m classically trained in Ballroom dancing… But I just love to shake my butt ya know?"

Whimpering. I was whimpering inside. Ballroom dancing? That one I hadn’t known about.  "Yeah I like to ‘shake my butt’ too…" I stroked Vinnie’s sleeping head on the couch between Kevin and me. I glanced sideways at him and chewed on my bottom lip. Suddenly it came to me like a flash of light. He must have a small dick.

I began to giggle at my own thought and he looked at me with a puzzled look and smiled, "What’s so funny?"

I laughed harder and shook my sore head, "Oh nuthin…"

He laughed and shook his head, "No way… you’re laughing at something. What is it?"

Damn those eyes. "I’m just trying to figure out what the hell could be wrong with you. I’m sitting here listening to you talk and you’re like Perfection Boy. There’s nothing wrong with you, Kevin…”

"Well I don’t know about that…" he smiled shyly.

"Fine, then tell me what’s wrong with you?”

He laughed and shrugged, "Uh… I’m not sure."

“Oh come on… there’s gotta be something.  Like you have a third nipple or an ugly belly button.”

He shook his head while laughing, “I can’t claim either of those…” 

He made a face that struck me as interesting, “What did you just think about?  You made a face…”

“Well, this is going to sound so cliché… But every now and then when you say something I swear we’ve met before.  Which is just crazy since we just met today but I don’t know… It’s like the way you say stuff reminds me of someone I’ve met before… I’ve been thinking it all day.”

So he did remember me.  At least his subconscious mind did, ten points for me!  I ran my hand over Vinnie’s head and smiled, “Actually… we have met.  Just once before and it was a long time ago.  But we did talk for quite a while and I’ve always been a nutjob so I’m sure I said some crazy things then too.”

“We’ve met before?  Really?”

I nodded, “It was really early in 2000.  Do you remember going to a dinner party in Manhattan thrown by Sylvia Davenport?”

“Davenport…” he said and thought about it.  “Wait, is she the lady who used to throw all of those huge themed parties?”

I laughed, “Yeah, that’s her.  The one we were at was a blue theme.”

“And all the food was drenched in blue food coloring!”

“Exactly!” I giggled.  “By the end of dinner everyone had blue lips and blue teeth…”

“That was a horrible party…” Kevin said still laughing. 

“You sat next to a girl who was a senior at NYU.”

“Oh yeah… and she’d told the best stories about…”  His eyes grew wide and a smile slid across his face, “That was you?”

“Yup.  I only got invited to the party because one of my friends was Sylvia’s nephew and he went to school with me.  We thought it would be fun to get all dressed up and rub elbows with famous people like you.”

“You fit in just fine though... had me laughing all night.”

“I suppose, but I was nothing next to you.  I remember going home that night and telling my brother Sean all about meeting you at the party.  He lived with me at the time and I swear for months he teased me about you.  Said I was cheating on my true boyband boyfriends…” I smiled at the memory, “I admit it, I was a N’Sync fan… I just knew that one day I was going to find Justin Timberlake and make him marry me… So yeah, after meeting you all Sean would talk about was how I’d ‘cheated’ on Justin with you…”

“Poor Justin…” Kevin said and we both laughed.

“He got over it… Plus I hear he’s more into blonds anyway.”

“So what about your book?  How did it do?”

“Pretty well actually.” 

“And are you still writing?”

I had to laugh.  “Uh yeah…”  Kevin asked why I was laughing but I shushed him and got up from the couch.  I crossed the room to my wall of built in book shelves and grabbed two boxed sets as well as my Tuesday Morning book and took them back to the couch.  “These…” I said handing him one boxed set with five books in it, “…were my first five.  And these…” I said handing him the second boxed set, “… are the five that followed those.  They’re all in a series about a group of characters…”

Kevin looked at the books with wide eyes, “Ten books?  In seven years…”

“Well, twelve actually… book eleven of the series comes out in about a month, and this one is my most popular one.”  I handed him the copy of Tuesday Morning and smiled.

“I’ve seen this book.  My mother was reading it not too long ago… I had no idea it was yours, though.  Wow…”  He flipped the book over and looked at my picture on the back and compared it to the back of one of my first novels.  “See?  This is the girl I met at that party…” he said showing me one of the Lake Pleasanton books.  He then held up Tuesday Morning, “This is a totally different person.”  He had no idea how true what he said was.  I felt like I’d lived a whole lifetime since I’d written my first books.  Then after Sean was killed everything in my life changed even more.

“Yeah well… My first three books were written when I was just a college kid who was writing for fun and for my closest friends.  That’s how I’d managed to release so many books so quickly when I first got published, they were practically all pre-written.  A lot has changed since that party where we met.”

He continued to inspect the cover of Tuesday Morning and smiled, “Oprah’s Book Club… I’d say they’ve changed quite a bit…”

We talked for a few more hours before I fell asleep again.  I told Kevin about my life and he told me bits and pieces about what he’d been up to as well.  I was still unable to find anything that was wrong with him no matter how much more I learned about him. I had decided that he couldn’t possibly have a small dick though. His hands were way too big and I admit to checking him out when he walked past me to get me a drink.

Despite his physical beauty, as stunning as it was, there was something else about him that kept drawing me in. My mom’s voice kept playing in my head. I couldn’t help but wonder what her vision had meant. I mean, sure she was right about his eyes. But what else was she leaving out? This man with the stunning green eyes, was he evil, or kind? Surely Kevin was turning out to be one of the kindest men I’d ever encountered, but I kept wondering, was it real? Was he really as perfect as he was professing to be? Was he really so sweet, or just being nice because he felt bad about the geek who’d hit her head on her own car hitch?  Was he a typical famous prick of a man who used women left and right? And what about his wife?  Was he still married and running out on her or had they split up?  Was he just faking it all trying to get into my pants? If that was the case, he’d nearly won. With a few bats of his long dark eyelashes I’d melted and let him into my home.  If my head hadn’t hurt so much I probably would have been all over him despite my vow to being single. My only reassurance that I was doing the right thing was that Vinnie trusted him.  Plus, I knew and loved Roland, and if Roland trusted Kevin I felt like I should be able to trust him too.  Right?

Well I trusted him so much that the next morning when I woke up I was still on the couch with him with my head on a pillow in his lap. I sat up holding my hand to my head feeling like I had a really, really bad hang over. For a good ten minutes I sat with my head resting on the couch watching Kevin sleep. I hadn’t had the joy of watching a man sleep, let alone a straight man in my house, in a really long time. Vinnie eventually interrupted my Kevin Watching and walked up to me licking my hand signaling to me that he wanted to be let outside. I smiled at him and slowly stood up making my way toward the backdoor to let him out. While he was outside I fumbled around the kitchen looking for the pain meds that Kevin had been feeding me. I cursed as I searched the kitchen and couldn’t find the pills. I sighed and held my head in my hands closing my eyes.

I heard a pill bottle shake and turned around to find Kevin standing in the kitchen, "Looking for these?" He was even sexy with bed head, in fact, I’d say the look worked for him. Really worked for him.  His short ponytail had gotten messed up just enough to let some of his hair in front hang down messily into his face but he pushed it all back with a hand and looked fabulous.

I nodded and sat down at the kitchen table putting my head down on it. "When’s it supposed to stop hurting so much?"

He grabbed a glass from my cupboard and filled it with water before joining me at the table and taking two pills out. "Probably by tomorrow. I had a concussion once in high school…" I must have given him a puzzled look because he smiled, "Football…"

"Oh…" I said quietly. I looked at him for a moment quietly. "Kevin… I… well… thank you so much for…"

"For making you hit your head by sneaking up on you and giving you a concussion?" he teased.

I smiled looking into his kind eyes, "Yeah… something like that." Vinnie sat at the back door howling to get in and I giggled, "My kid calls…"

I began to stand up and Kevin placed his hand over mine, "I’ll get him… You get in bed…" He stood up and headed towards the door.

I stood up and giggled, "I knew you’d try to get me in bed eventually…"

"How’s your head?" Kevin asked over the phone as I lay on my couch with Vinnie watching cheesy sitcoms on the Disney channel.  It had been a week since my concussion and Kevin had called me nearly every day to check on me.  Utterly sweet, he was.

"As close to normal as it ever was I guess…" I laughed.

Kevin chuckled and I smiled, "So…"

"So…"

"Uh… how’s Vinnie?"

I grinned looking at Vinnie, "He’s currently lying next to me on the couch on his back, sound asleep and snoring."

Kevin laughed again, "Nice..."

I ran my hand over Vinnie’s exposed belly.  "So I was thinking…" I said biting my lip and rolling my eyes at how cheesy I sounded.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah… it’s a rare occurrence that I think… but I do it occasionally…" I teased eliciting a snigger from Kevin. "Anyway, I was thinking that maybe Vinnie could fend for himself and I could take you out to dinner…" Silence. All I heard was silence and I squeezed my eyes shut, "… you know… uh… to thank you for taking care of me the other night, and being so sweet…" My words trailed off and I slapped my hand to my forehead rubbing it with my palm in frustration.

"I’d love to…"

His voice was like music and I dropped my hand from my head and opened my eyes, "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"You sure? Cause you kind of… well I dunno you just sounded like you…"

"Kel?" he interrupted my rambling gently.

"Hmm?" I frowned biting my bottom lip.

"You know about me, right?"

I made a confused look towards the phone in my hand, "Um… huh?"

He chuckled, "You know… about me and stuff…”

I sighed and began rubbing my forehead again. This is exactly why I didn’t date. Men made no goddamn sense. "Help me out here Kevin… You’re Kevin, you’re Roland’s buddy, and you’ve got really pretty eyes and a great phone voice."

"Okay, but you know more about me, right?”

“Sure I do.  I know what you do for a living.  Or at least what you used to do.  That’s about all I know though… I mean, you’ve told me a little about you since last week, but that’s it.  I haven’t Googled you or anything like that… Have you Googled me?"  What the hell was he hiding?  I had visions of finding out that the reason he wasn’t on tour with his bandmates anymore was because he turned out to be a psycho killer who got off on hanging out with women who had big crazy dogs and lived on the beach.

"That sounds so dirty…” he said with a laugh.  “But no, I haven’t looked you up online.  I figured I’d get to know you on my own.”

“Well same here… So what little I know about you is what you’ve told me.” 

“That’s cool.  So when can I pick you up?”

I smiled and ran my hand through my curls before looking down at my clothes. "Well… depends on where we go. If my holy jeans and Snoopy tee shirt will do, then come on over…"

"Holy jeans and Snoopy?" he giggled.

"Mmm hmm… this Best Selling Author only wears the best..."

"I’ll be there in ten minutes."

Kevin sat across the table from me crying as he laughed at one of my many stories about Vinnie and I chuckled at him. "I swear I should write a book about him. ‘My misadventures with a brute named Vinnie,’ I bet it would be a best seller."

Kevin smiled and wiped his tears letting out one of those Wooo sounds that people let out after laughing really hard when they try to get their breath back. "Well if your other books are any indication, I bet it would be a best seller."

"Oh I have a billion stories about my Vino… We’ve been through a lot together...  He’s actually pretty famous among my readers.  I’ve got a blog that I try to update regularly and 80% of my posts tend to revolve around him and how I play with him when I’ve got a case of writers block."

"I’ll have to check that out…" he smiled taking a drink of his beer.

"My life is a little less than exciting, but Vinnie brings a lot of spice to it." I smiled and lifted my glass to my lips then hesitated, "Lot of drool too…" I giggled and finished taking a drink. "Enough about me and my dog… tell me about you. I’m sure that you have a much more interesting life, being a heartthrob and all…"

"I’m not a heartthrob…" he said with a slight blush.

"Bullshit!" I sang.

He laughed, "I’m not…"

"Oh puhleeze…" I groaned and looked around for our waitress. I waved her over and smiled up at her looking at her nametag. "Jill… let me ask you a question okay?"

"Sure…" she grinned giving Kevin a look over. She was probably in her early to mid twenties and I could tell she was about to prove me right just by the look on her face.

"Okay honey, first of all… do you like Pop music?"

She nodded with a grin, “Yeah, sure… who doesn’t?"

"Exactly…" I grinned and looked at Kevin. He smiled and shot me a look shaking his head. "And if you look at Mr. Richardson here…" I said holding my hand out displaying Kevin in a Vanna White fashion. "You know who he is, right?”

She blushed a few shades of red and nodded, “Uh yeah… I’ve been a fan for years.”

“Would you say he’s a heartthrob?"

She blushed again and nodded, "Oh hell yeah… "

I chuckled, "Pretty hot, huh?"

"Yeah… he’s just…" She looked at Kevin, "God you’re gorgeous!"

I held back a giggle and took a drink of my beer while Kevin smiled and reached out placing a hand on her arm, "Thank you…"

"I love you so much, Kevin…" she gushed and went into a story about how long she’d been a Backstreet Boys fan and was so sad when he retired from the group.  After a while, Kevin finally thanked her for all of the compliments she served up for him and then he gave her a hug and she melted like putty in his hot little heartthrob hands.

"Thank you, Jill!" I called out to her as she rushed off squealing to the other waitresses. I grinned across the table at him, "So… you were going to tell me what the life of a heartthrob is like?"

He laughed and shook his head, "You’re evil…"

"Nah… not evil, just right," I grinned.

*****

Several stories, and many beers later we sat on the pier near the bar where we’d had dinner.  I’d taken him to a seafood joint called Crabby Joe’s that sat on the pier a quarter of a mile out over the ocean.  We’d decided to sit and watch the water and sober up before driving back down the way to my house and found a row of benches at the very end of the boardwalk that usually were full of fishermen during the daytime, but at night were pretty empty.  I leaned my head back to look up at the stars and Kevin quickly followed my lead leaning his head back too. "Have you ever seen the stars in the Southern Hemisphere?" I asked quietly as I picked out all of the constellations that I knew.

"Yeah… it’s weird."

"I’ve never seen them for real… just in planetariums, but I always thought it would be odd to look up and not see the stars that I’ve seen here all of my life. To not see Orion, or the Big Dipper… it must be so freaky, like you’re not even on the same planet or something."

"Kind of…" he said quietly. I turned my head and looked at him in the moonlight as he thought about what I’d said. "It’s kind of like you keep…" he turned his head to look at me not realizing that I was already looking at him.  "Oh! Hi…"

"Hi…" I smiled.

He smiled and his eyes twinkled in the light from the nearly full moon hanging over the water, "So yeah, it’s kind of like you keep looking for these stars and you just can’t find them and then it dawns on you that the stars are different there."

"I think it would freak me out, I need to see Orion you know?" I turned my head away again and looked up at the stars.

"I can never find him…" he told me looking up at the stars.

"Really? He’s pretty easy to see…" I pointed towards the stars, "See those three stars in a row? That’s his belt…"

"I see lots of stars…" he chuckled.

I smiled and looked at him, "Put your head by mine." He scooted closer to me on the bench and his head was so close to mine I could feel his breath on my cheek. "Now follow my arm up to where I’m pointing."

He reached out and ran his hand up my arm trying to steady it, "Your arm is moving too much…" I smiled and took a deep breath as his touch caused goose bumps to form on my skin. His hand covered mine and he pointed, "Right there?"

I leaned my head in closer to him and touched his head with my own trying to see what he was pointing to, "Yeah… that’s it…" I moved his hand up a bit, "Now those two stars there… they’re his arms…"

"The arms of Orion…" he said quietly.

"’That’s where I wanna be…’" I sang and chuckled.

"Prince fan?" he chuckled still holding his hand over mine in the air pointing to the stars.

"Totally… you?"

"Since I was a kid…" he said quietly and I could feel his breath on my neck. It was making me dizzy, I felt like the stars that we were looking up at were swirling around in the sky like in that Starry Night painting. Then again maybe it was the beer. "You smell really good…" he said against my skin as his nose pressed against my neck. It definitely wasn’t the beer, Jesus he felt good, and all he was doing was talking against my neck.

"I uh…" Who was I kidding? I couldn’t talk. I could practically feel the Earth rotating on its axis right then and he expected me to talk? He pulled my arm back down to my body and wrapped his around me as he began kissing my neck slowly and gently. I sighed at the touch of his warm lips on my neck and closed my eyes. The closest I’d had to a man kissing my neck was when Vinnie would try to wake me up from one of my deep sleeps by licking my face. Kevin’s kisses were much nicer, and less drooly, than Vinnie’s.

His hand touched my face and gently pulled it towards him. His eyes searched mine for any hesitation and when he saw none he kissed me, nibbling on my bottom lip in the process. His kisses were as perfect as he was. God his tongue… when I got a taste of his tongue it was like the most erotic thing I’d ever experienced. Something about the way he kissed turned me on in a way that no one had ever done, and let me tell you, it wasn’t because I’d been practicing "self love" for so long… he was a damn good kisser.

To tell you the truth, I think the thing that I liked most about the kiss was the fact that it was only a kiss. He didn’t grope me, didn’t push his hands in my pants, or up my shirt, he just kissed me. His hands ran through my hair, and occasionally down my side caressing my waist or my hips, but nothing else. He didn’t dry hump my leg, or drool on me. He just kissed, and it was amazing.

Afterward he took my hand in his and walked me back to his car, we drove silently to my house, he walked me to my door, kissed me again, and said goodnight. There was no, "Can I come in?" Or, "Baby I want you…" Just, "Goodnight, Kel…" and a kiss on the back of my hand. I stood in awe of him as he walked back to his car and I held my keys in my hand. Before he got into his car he smiled, blew a kiss and told me that he’d call me in the morning.

I nodded, smiled and walked in the house, tripping clumsily over one of Vinnie’s toys as Kevin drove off and I grabbed the phone pressing the speed dial. I walked around the living room with Vinnie watching my every move as I willed her to pick up the phone. "Come on, come on, be home…" I walked to the back door and let Vinnie out as she finally picked up the phone with a tired voice. I sighed in relief and sat down at the table, "Mama? Tell me you’ve had another vision about the man with the stunning green eyes…"

Ever since I moved to Florida I’d started a new tradition.  Every morning unless it was raining or I was nursing a hangover, I woke up just before the sunrise.  It wasn’t that I was a morning person, in fact I was the polar opposite of a morning person, but every morning I woke up to see the sun rise over the ocean.  I’d roll out of bed early enough to grab a cup of coffee, set to automatically brew just before I woke up of course, and head outside to my deck with Vinnie and we’d silently watch the sunrise.  It was like if I missed a sunrise my day felt incomplete or I knew the day wouldn’t go well.  It was probably all psychosomatic, but whatever it was, I followed my tradition as much as I possibly could.

Just as it was a tradition to watch the sunrise though, it was also a tradition to go directly back to bed after the sun was up and go back to sleep for several hours with Vinnie.  It never mattered that I had a mug or two of coffee in me by then because like I said, I wasn’t a morning person and my body just knew that being up that early wasn’t right.

I woke up the morning after my kiss with Kevin in my usual daze wondering what planet I was on and was trying to figure out if the ringing I heard was the phone, my alarm clock, the door, or simply in my head. Propped up on my elbows with my eyes half closed I listened and heard the ringing again and looked at the clock, "9:00? Who the hell is ringing our doorbell at 9:00 in the morning?" Vinnie groaned and rolled over turning his back to me. "Oh I suppose that means you’re not getting it huh?" The bell was rung again three times in a row and I groaned as I rolled out of bed muttering as I tripped over the collection of chew toys piled near Vinnie’s side of the bed. I stumbled my way through my house cursing and trying to wake up. The bell kept ringing though only serving to piss me off more. "Jesus!" I yelled as I made it to the door. "Do you realize that people SLEEP at this time of morning?" I shouted as I opened door.

"Yeah but I couldn’t sleep…" he smiled at me innocently.

I closed my eyes and began to blush as I covered my face, "Oh God… Kevin." He laughed and I shook my head, "Oh shit I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to yell at you I…"

"It’s okay…" he laughed.  "Uncover your face."

"No…" I whimpered.

"Come on…" he said taking a hold of my wrists gently. I refused to move my hands and he tugged at them laughing, "Kel…"

"No…" I whined.

"Fine. Then you don’t get what I have for you," he shrugged.

I peeked through my fingers, and found him grinning at me, "What do you have?"

"Gotta move your hands…" I sighed and dropped my hands to my sides heavily giving him a look. He smiled and turned around to reveal a single red rose stuck in his back pocket.

I smiled and laughed, "You giving me your ass, Kev? Cause that’s really sweet of you, I love your ass…"

He laughed and turned around pulling the flower from his jeans holding it out to me, "Maybe later… but for now you get the flower, and I have a proposal."

"Kev, we don’t know each other well enough to get married," I grinned taking the rose.

"You know for someone who isn’t a morning person you sure are a smartass…"

"I’m always a smartass, it was my minor in college…" I laughed and smelled the rose. "What’s your proposal?"

"Breakfast, with you and Vinnie. My treat."

I smiled from ear to ear, "Vinnie too?"

"Yup…"

Brownie points. Inviting the dog, major Brownie points. "Ever think of calling a girl to warn her before you come over and propose breakfast at nine in the morning?"

"Where’s the fun in that?" he smiled.

I shook my head at him unable to hold back a smile, "Well we have to wake up Vino then and I have to…" I stopped in mid sentence suddenly realizing that I was standing there in my pajamas. "Oh god!" I groaned in horror.

"What?!"

"I’m not dressed! Jesus, Kevin…" I covered my face again and felt his hands on my shoulders.

"It’s okay… you look adorable," he told me quietly and turned me around pushing me back into the house.

"Mmm hmm… messy hair, boxer shorts, a holy tee shirt and morning breath, real cute…" I moaned as he followed me in the house.

"Where’s Vinnie?" he laughed.

"In bed…"

"Where’s his bed?"

"My bed…" I smiled.

"Oh…" he grinned.

"You go wake him up and I’m going to shower…" I said as I stepped into the doorway of the bathroom. "Oh and Kev?"

"Yeah?" he asked turning around in the hall.

"Thanks for the rose…"

He smiled and nodded as he headed toward my room, "No prob…"

*****

Kevin threw Vinnie’s tennis ball into the water and giggled as Vinnie plunged face first into a wave trying to get the ball. I smiled from my spot on the blanket basking in the sun and watched Kevin and Vinnie playing together. "Breakfast" turned out to be a trip down the coast stopping at Burger King for breakfast and hanging out on the beach together. The drive gave us plenty of time to talk and gave Vinnie the opportunity to drool out of the back seat window of Kevin’s SUV with his ears flopping in the wind as we went down the highway.

I don’t know what it was, but Kevin was doing a number on me. Sexy, talented, funny, sexy, smart, well-spoken, sexy, charming, and did I say sexy? But on top of all of that, Vinnie liked him, and he liked Vinnie. It was killing me to see Kevin running around playing with Vinnie like no one beside me had ever done before. Smiling and splashing around in the water he played fetch with Vinnie who was leaping around the beach like an oversized puppy.

Kevin looked back toward me and smiled waving and I waved back at him. Then out of the blue Vinnie caught Kevin off guard and lunged at him, knocking him over into the water. I cracked up as Kevin struggled to get back to his feet as a wave knocked him and Vinnie over. As the waves flowed back out Kevin was able to get back up and walked back to the blanket laughing hysterically with Vinnie trotting happily behind. "Did I mention that when he gets excited he sometimes tries to knock people down?" I laughed.

"Um no…" he smiled and laughed plopping down next to me. Vinnie shook the water off of his fur spraying us both and we giggled.

"Guess we have to stay a little longer huh?" I grinned looking at his soaking wet clothes.

"Either that, or I go naked…" he said with a sly grin.

I raised my eyebrows, "Ooh…"

"You like that idea?" he laughed.

"Yeah it’s nice here, I don’t mind staying," I teased with a grin.

"Don’t you want to see my body?" he pouted pulling his shirt up a bit revealing a sneak of his stomach.

If he only knew how badly I wanted to see his body and what seeing the bit of skin was doing to me. "Mmm hmm… later, I’m lying in the sun right now…" I smiled and lay back on the blanket closing my eyes. Even as I closed them though all I could see was him lying there soaked to the bone with his stomach showing and his green eyes twinkling up at me behind his spider-like eyelashes. I couldn’t help but continue to wonder what in the hell was wrong with Kevin. He seemed so perfect, but there had to be something… I was dumbfounded as to why of all of the women in the world, literally, who were swooning over him, why he chose me to spend his time with. A single, thirtysomething woman who spent more time with her monster puppy than she did with other human beings… what was so appealing about me?

Kevin caught me in deep thought with my eyes closed as he lay next to me on his side drying off in the sun, "Hey…" he whispered.

"Hmm?" I responded, eyes still closed underneath my sunglasses.

I felt his damp hand graze my cheek lightly as he turned my head toward him and I opened my eyes to find him leaning in toward me slowly. Even soaking wet he was beautiful. I noticed droplets of water sliding down his face from his wet hair and shuddered at the thought of tasting them and his warm skin beneath. When his lips pressed against mine gently I could taste the salt of the ocean on his lips and let myself get lost in the glorious sensation of his tongue sliding against mine. Whatever his reason for being with me was, I wasn’t complaining about the kisses, that was for sure. By the time we’d finished kissing on the beach my clothes were nearly as wet as his from our bodies being pressed up against each other and he smiled down at me, "Looks like you’re going to have to go naked too."

I laughed and patted his cheek, "In your dreams Heartthrob, in your dreams…"

*****

"Um… garlic?" Kevin asked as he searched through my fridge.

"Fresh out…"I laughed and jumped up to sit on the counter.  "But I have…" I reached into the cupboard near my head and pulled out a bottle and shook it.  "Garlic salt."

"Oh…" he groaned.  "No… no, that wont’ work."

I grinned at the pained look on his face and he cracked a smile at me before looking down at the bowl in front of him on the counter, "You’re the one who wanted to cook. I never claimed to have a grocery store of ingredients here."

"Yeah but I…"

"Yeah but you said nothing about garlic when we were at the store, it’s your own fault… I used the last of my garlic last week and haven’t been grocery shopping since." I said raising an eyebrow at him as I took a drink of my beer. He sighed and mumbled something making me laugh again, "You’re too cute, Heartthrob."

"Do you have to call me that?" he asked looking up momentarily from the potatoes that he was mashing.

"Um… yeah," I grinned.

"Can I call you something corny then too?"

"Sure…" I shrugged. "Bring it on."

"I’ll think of something…" he smiled and focused on the cooking.

So once again I sat there in awe of Kevin as he navigated his way around my kitchen making us dinner. Instead of going out to dinner, he offered to cook for me. Not, "Kel-Baby, why don’t you cook something for us?" but instead "I’ll make you dinner, and you can just keep me company so I can learn more about you." What kind of man says stuff like that? I watched him silently as he moved to the sink to work on the salad, which he’d forbidden me to help with, telling me "No… I’m cooking." Vinnie was lying on the floor near Kevin’s feet and rolled over with a groan and put his head on one of Kevin’s bare feet like he usually did to me while I cooked. Kevin looked down and smiled at Vinnie then looked at me and smiled. I returned the smile and picked at the label on my Heineken deep in thought.

I was so lost in my thoughts that when Kevin touched my knee as he stood in front of me trying to get my attention I jumped. He smiled, "Sorry… I didn’t mean to scare you, but you were kind of gone. You okay?"

I blushed under his gaze and nodded, "Yeah. I guess I just zoned out for a second. Got a lot of sun today…"

I could see him searching my eyes and silently urged him not to. His index finger touched the tip of my nose as he stood between my legs, "Yeah we did. Your nose is sun kissed…" He smiled and I stared into his eyes quietly. He kissed each of my cheeks gently, "So are your cheeks…" He kissed his way down my neck to my shoulders as his hands held my waist, "Shoulders too…" He kept kissing my skin heating it up even more than the sun already had. Moving to the other shoulder he repeated the same measures quietly and I held onto his arms with my eyes closed.

"Kev…" I breathed out.

"Shh…" he smiled and placed his finger on my lips before replacing it with his mouth. Once again he pulled me into another world as his tongue worked wonders on me and his thumbs gently rubbed my waist just between the bottom of my tank top and the top of my jeans. My fingers instinctively found their way into his thick hair weaving through it while he pulled my body closer to him. Perched nearly on the edge of the counter his torso was pressed up against mine and I ran one of my bare feet up the back of one of his jean-covered legs wishing that I could feel the skin beneath.

Pulling his mouth away from mine we both took in gasps of air and he dipped his tongue to my skin again, licking in the hollow of my neck as I tipped my head back for him. When he moved his mouth toward the pulse point behind my ear I buried my own face against his neck kissing it gently between rolling my eyes back into my head from his actions and trying not to lose my breath. Every movement he made felt so good. I couldn’t think of a time that I’d felt so good before in my life, and that was saying a lot because I’d surely been around the block a time or two.

While my body told me that I wanted him, badly, my head was telling me not to take it too far too fast, and to make him respect me. As my body won the battle though I began sliding my hands underneath Kevin’s shirt touching his hot skin underneath it. His skin felt amazing under my touch and he shivered as I ran my fingertips over the small of his back. Following my lead he moved one of his hands under my tank top and ran his thumb over my stomach, tracing a slow circle around my belly button and the other slid up my back slowly. Then, as if a sign from the gods, or perhaps my mother, the phone rang and we pulled apart. "I can ignore it…" I whispered and quickly resumed kissing him again on the lips.

He chuckled against my lips and soon was probing my mouth with his delicious tongue again sending me back into Happy Tongue World as my body felt completely alive and the ringing phone quickly faded from our consciousness. His hand moved slowly up toward one of my breasts and I gasped as he moved his thumb carefully across a nipple sending pleasure through my body. I opened my mouth to make a sound of some sort, but then was startled as the ringing of the timer on the oven began filling the room. I groaned and Kevin laughed pulling away, "That’s twice… I think it’s a sign…" I looked into his eyes and then pouted pitifully dropping my forehead onto his shoulder with a cry as I held onto his waist. He chuckled again and pulled me into his arms speaking quietly against my hair, "We’ve got plenty of time to continue this, and I’m not going anywhere. But if we ignore that timer, it won’t be pretty..." He tipped my head up with his hands and smiled, "Okay?" I smiled weakly and nodded. "I promise… we’ll continue this, later."

"Promise?" I whispered looking at his lips, then up to his eyes.

"Definitely…" he smiled.

I sighed and then smiled at him, "Kiss me one more time, Heartthrob?"

He giggled and shook his head pulling my face closer to his, "Sure thing, Hot Lips…"

"Tell me something about yourself that I don’t know…" Kevin smiled as we lay on my couch later that night after dinner. We each had our heads at opposite ends of the couch and our legs were tangled in the middle. His legs were actually so long compared to mine that his feet were near my chest resting on either side of my body, while mine only made it to his waist.

I smiled and laid my arm on his leg picking at the small tear in his jeans, "Something you don’t know about me…"

"Yup."

"Well that narrows it down…" I laughed. "You don’t know much about me."

"Sure I do. I bet that I know more about you than you think I do," he said with a grin as he pulled one of my feet into his hands and started massaging it. I practically rolled my eyes into my head at his touch and he laughed. "I know you like your feet rubbed."

"Smartass…"

"Naturally…"

I couldn’t help but smile at him and shook my head, "I seriously doubt that you know all that much about me yet."

"Fine… I’ll prove it to you. But only after you tell me something about yourself that I don’t know."

"You going to tell me something about you too?"

"Sure…" he shrugged and focused on kneading my foot again. I sighed and picked up the locket hanging around my neck and rubbed the back of it with my thumb while looking up at the ceiling and closing my eyes in thought. "It doesn’t have to be a big huge dark secret, Kel…"

"I’m thinking…" I said not moving from my position. He chuckled and waited quietly. After a minute I opened my eyes and looked at him across the couch. "I lived in Michigan until I went to college.  And I still miss the snow every winter so much that since I moved down here I’ve flown back to stay in a hotel back home for a weekend, and I always call ahead of time to make sure that they have snow before I get on the plane."

A slow smile appeared on Kevin’s face and he nodded, "I like that… a lot. Thank you."

"Welcome… now it’s your turn."

"Um…" he said biting on his lower lip gently.  "I played the role of Conrad Birdie in ‘Bye Bye Birdie’ when I was in high school."

I giggled and began to sing, "We love you Conrad, oh yes we do…" He chuckled and I smiled, "Kind of ironic considering who you grew up to be huh?"

"Kind of…" he smiled.

"Your fans ever sing that to you and change the name to Kevin?" I teased.

"Actually it happened once. My fans tend to be the older ones you know… so they get it. But the younger fans wouldn’t even know who Conrad was."

"True…" I smiled.

"So…" Kevin grinned and carefully put my foot back down on the couch as he picked up the other. "I get to tell you what I know about you now."

"Oh this should be good."

"It will be…" he said confidently with a raised eyebrow.  "So… I know that you are younger than I am. That you’re about five foot five or maybe five foot six inches tall…"

"Six…" I smiled.

He nodded and smiled, "Six… I know that you play with that locket around your neck when you’re nervous, upset, or thinking about something really hard…" I smiled as he continued, "You talk to your mom every day at least once a day… you don’t have garlic in your fridge right now…." We both chuckled and I rolled my eyes. "I know that you watch the Disney Channel a lot because whenever I call you it’s usually on in the background… I know that you smell like lavender and shampoo… that your hands are probably the softest hands I’ve ever felt in my life… that you are an amazing kisser…" He paused for a second and cocked his head to the side looking at me. "I know that you’ve been hurt in the past by someone… or maybe several someone’s. But luckily for me, you were able to let me into your life for a try." I looked away from his eyes for a moment and ran my hand over his knee gently before looking at him again. "I know that you use Vinnie as your radar to scope out new people... and I know that you aren’t afraid to tell me what’s on your mind… that you have a temper, but it’s not too bad unless you get woken up too early by the doorbell…" he laughed. "Um, I know that you mumble in your sleep… That you have a dirty mind, and a dirty mouth, but I love them both…" I giggled thinking about some of the facial expressions and gasps that I’d produced from Kevin over the short while that we’d known each other when I’d say something that he didn’t expect me to say. "And… among many other things… I know of the places to kiss and touch you that make you shiver." A surge of electricity ran through my body at his last statement and I smiled. "How’d I do?"

"Pretty good…" I said quietly.

"Just pretty good?" he whined and let my foot rest in his hands on his chest. "Come on… it was better than that…" I winked at him and shrugged and he threatened to tickle my foot wiggling his fingers in the air before the sole of my foot.

"Do it and I’ll literally dump you onto the floor and sick the drool monster on you…"

"Eww…" Kevin laughed and looked at Vinnie who was on the floor sleeping. "Okay…" he smiled and went back to massaging my foot.  "Admit it…"

"What?" I teased.

"That I’m better than good…"

"No…"

"Why not?"

"Because."

"Because WHY?"

"Because I’m difficult."

"I could have told you that…" he grinned.

I looked at him and shook my head, "You’re nuts." He nodded. "Okay, if you’re so much better than good… and you know me so well, what do I want to do right now?"

"Right now?"

"Mmm hmm… right now…"

Kevin smiled and sat up pulling his legs back from where they were resting beneath mine. He then leaned forward and began crawling across the couch toward me until his knees were on either side of my body and looked down at me. I stared up at him, lost as usual in his intense green gaze and my body tingled in anticipation of him drawing closer to me. I could smell his amazing scent lingering over me and it filled me with excitement. With one hand pressed on each side of me he lowered his lips to mine and kissed them softly before pulling away. "Right now… you want me to make you shiver…"

“Have you fucked him yet?”

“Oh for crying out loud, Christian…” I groaned and threw a couch throw pillow at his head.  Vinnie and I were over at Christian’s for our weekly dinner date and because I’d been spending a lot of time with Kevin, Christian decided to interrogate me.

“So that’s a yes…” Christian said and laughed as he put the pillow under his arm.

“No it’s not…” I told him and took a drink of my wine.  I looked at Josef who was returning to the living room with a fresh bottle of wine.  He refilled my glass, “Tell him to stop picking on me…”

Josef smiled at me then looked at Christian, “Stop picking on her…”

I smiled and blew Josef a kiss, “Thank you…” 

He nodded and refilled Christian’s glass as well as his own before sitting down next to Christian, “What are you picking on her for now?”

“I just asked her if she’s fucked our hot neighbor yet…” Christian stated matter-of-factly.

“Ooh, what did you say?” Josef asked as his face lit up and he looked at me eagerly.

“Hey!  You’re supposed to be on my side!”

“Oh honey, I am.  But I’ve seen Kevin and if you’re not fucking him yet you’re insane.  Yesterday I went down to the pool to do some laps and he was down there too.” He fanned himself with his hand and shook his head, “Sweet Jesus he’s pretty when he’s wet…”  I couldn’t disagree, I flashed back to the day that Kevin had been dipped in the ocean thanks to Vinnie and the thought made me sigh.  “He had a treasure trail that was pure heaven…”

“Excuse me, you whore…” Christian said with a laugh.  “You are sitting next to your boyfriend, you know?”

Josef laughed, “Yeah but Kevin’s straight so I get a free pass to look and drool… Kel will fuck him and we’ll live vicariously through her.”

I groaned again and rolled my eyes, “I’m not fucking him.”

“Why the hell not?” Christian and Josef asked in unison and then cracked up.

I couldn’t help but smile at the sight of them giggling like fools together.  They were so in love with one another it was almost sickening.  “’I’m just not…”

“Have you kissed him?” Josef asked after taking a drink of his wine.  The blush that spread across my cheeks gave him my answer.  “You have… good girl.”

“Have you seen him naked?” Christian asked with a giggle.

“No.”

“Damn,” he sighed.  “You’ve got work to do, my love.”

“Yeah I do… which is precisely why I’m not hooking up with Kevin.  I’ve got three weeks before my book hits the shelves, I’ve got plenty of work to do.”  I hid my face behind my wine glass as I took a long drink.

“That’s not the work I was talking about and you know it…” Christian said and rolled his eyes.  “Why must you be so difficult?”

“Because it’s more fun that way…” I said with a grin and blew him a kiss.

“So, Kel…” Josef said with a thoughtful look on his face.  “What’s his story?  Why is he here for the summer?”

“Hell if I know…” I said and shrugged my shoulders.  “He’s just told me that he is here for the summer while Ro’ is gone.”

“That’s it?  What the hell do you two do all of the time you’re together?”

Christian seemed to think that because I’d cancelled on him and Josef once in the past week that it meant I was “always” with Kevin.  It wasn’t exactly true although I was spending a lot of time with the Heartthrob and having a great time doing so.  “We’re not together that much, Chris.  And we just hang out.  We take Vin for w-a-l-k-s,” I spelled so not to get Vinnie all excited about going outside.  “It’s really nothing special.”

“Except for the kisses…” Josef added with a smile.

“Well yeah…” I smiled back.

“Have you Googled him, yet?”

“No, and I’m not going to.  We made a deal to not Google one another for information.”

Christian rolled his eyes at me, “Oh how sweet… Well thankfully I haven’t made a deal with him and I did in fact Google the boy.”

“I don’t want to hear it…” I said and covered my ears.

“He gets his eyebrows waxed…”

“I can’t hear you…” I said still covering my ears.  “La, la, la, la, la…”

“He’s from Kentucky but hasn’t lived there in ages…”

“La, la, laaaaaaaa…”

“And he has a third nipple…”

“He does not!” I said and laughed.

“I thought you weren’t listening to me…” Christian said with a grin.

“I’m not.  Leave him alone.  He’s a nice guy.”

“Don’t you want to know about his wife?”

My heart did a somersault and my head swam.  I wrote it off as too much wine on too little food, but I knew that wasn’t it.  Kevin hadn’t mentioned his wife, Kristin, at all in the time he’d been in Daytona.  He wasn’t wearing a wedding ring, but I didn’t know him well enough to know if he ever had worn a ring.  I constantly wondered if I was “The Other Woman” and he was cheating on his wife with me.  But truth be told, I didn’t want to know.  I didn’t want to find out that I‘d been snogging a married man and he’d been hiding his wife from me.  I wanted Kevin to stay perfect so I didn’t ask.  “No.  I don’t want to know.  If he wants me to know, he’ll tell me…”

“Whatever, you little home wrecker…” Christian teased.

“Bite me…” I said and took my wine out onto the patio balcony that looked out over the ocean.  Each of the condos in the building had a balcony facing the beach and the view was by far one of the best features of the building.

Vinnie followed me out onto the patio and made himself at home on a lounge.  I smiled at him and then watched the waves trying not to think about Kevin and his alleged wife.  It didn’t work for long though because within moments I heard Vinnie’s tail smacking the lounge as he began wagging it and I looked at him to see what had his attention.  It was Kevin, who’d apparently chosen that moment to step out onto his own balcony, or Roland’s as it were.

“Well hello, Stranger…” he said with a smile.

“Hey…” I smiled back and I felt that all too familiar tingle rush through my body just looking at him. 

“Hey, Vinnie…” he said reaching over the wall to pet Vinnie’s head.  Vinnie licked his hand and I chuckled thinking about how when I saw Kevin I typically felt like licking him too.

“What’cha been up to?” I asked and then took a long drink of my wine.  I hadn’t seen him in like a whole day and I imagined him saying something like, ‘Oh, I’ve just reunited with my wife, I’m going home to her in the morning… How about you?’

“Reading…” he smiled.

“Oh yeah? Anything good?”  I knew books, I could talk about books.

“Yeah… it’s your book.”

“Mine?”  I asked with a shocked face.

“Yup… I was at Publix the other day picking up some food and I saw it so I bought it.

“You didn’t have to buy it, I could have given you a copy,” I said with an embarrassed smile.

“Nah, it’s cool… I’m supporting your work this way.”

I shrugged but smiled, “Whatever… so which book is it?”

“Tuesday Morning… it’s amazing.”

More blushing and embarrassment on my behalf.  “Thanks.”

“I’ll probably finish it tonight… Oh and my mom wants your autograph.”

I looked at him and couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear once I saw the grin on his face, “Oh yeah?”

He nodded, “I told her on the phone the other day that I’d met you and she went on for ten minutes about how much she loves your writing and wants your autograph.”

“That’s sweet…” I smiled and looked into my wine glass.  It was amazing how interesting the inside of a wine glass was when I was feeling embarrassed.  “I’ll hook her up… I’ll even send her the new book.  I got a box of advanced copies in the mail today to taunt people with.”

“You’ll be her hero…”

Christian walked out onto the patio totally oblivious to the fact that Kevin was standing there, “Dude… are you that pissed off at me?  You’ve been out here forever… I didn’t mean it, I just think he’s hot and you should…”

“Christian…” I said and practically ran to cover his mouth with my hand.  I knew for a fact that had I not put my hand over his mouth he would have said something to totally embarrass me.  “You know Kevin, right?”

Christian’s eyes grew wide as he looked over at Kevin and then he laughed behind my hand as he pushed my hand away, “Hey there, Neighbor!  Sorry, I didn’t see you there…”

“No problem… how are you?”

“Good… hey, have you eaten dinner?  Josef is cooking a feast for us… you’re welcome to join.”

“Oh I don’t want to intrude…” Kevin said politely.  Such a gentleman.

“You’re not intruding if you’re invited.  Come on, we should have invited you anyway… We get Josef to cook for us at least once a week and tonight is the night for this week, we’ll have enough food to feed an army. ”

I smiled and looked at Kevin, “Josef’s a big famous retired chef, and he’s amazing.”

“Exactly… and you’d be a fool to pass up a free Josef meal… Hop the wall and come join us,” Christian added.

Kevin nodded and smiled, “Okay… you’ve twisted my arm.  But at least let me bring a bottle of wine…”

“We never turn down wine, do we Kel?” Christian asked with a grin.

I held up my half empty glass, “Heck no… bring it on…”

An hour and a half later we’d downed another bottle of wine and stuffed ourselves with the feast that Josef had prepared for us.  We practically rolled ourselves from the dining room into the living room and all got real comfy on the couches in the living room.  I kicked back on one couch, my head resting on the cushions as I curled my legs up onto the couch with me and Vinnie plopped himself next to me to snooze.  Kevin shared the couch with us while Josef and Christian took the opposite couch.

“I honestly can’t remember when I’ve eaten so much food…” I sighed.

“Me neither…” Kevin added with his own sigh.  “It was amazing though… thank you again for inviting me to join you.”

“You’re quite welcome…” Christian said. 

Josef stretched out putting his feet on the big thick wooden coffee table that sat in the middle of the couches, “We do this once a week.  While you’re staying here you should make it a habit to join us.  Roland typically joins us if he’s in town so you might as well take his place.”

I rolled my head to the side and looked at Kevin, “We don’t always eat this much… we eat well, but not in such bulk.”

“That’s good.  I’m not sure if I’m even going to need to eat again until next week,” Kevin said and laughed at his own joke.  It was adorable.  “So, Josef you used to cook in New York?”

“I did…” Josef said as Christian decided to lie across the couch resting his head on Josef’s thigh.  Josef’s fingers played in Christian’s brown wavy hair while he spoke.  “I had my own restaurant for ten years and then decided that I didn’t want to do it anymore.  The restaurant is still there and technically it’s mine, but I’m down here of course so I’m not there watching everything like a hawk.  Every now and then I go up and check on things though.”

“What is the restaurant called?”

“Gnosh…” Christian said with a chuckle and I smiled.  “Cause when you go there all you can do is stuff your face.”

Josef rolled his eyes, “It’s Noche’.  Forgive Chris, he’s a bit foolish when he drinks too much.”

“You own Noche’?” Kevin asked with a surprised look on his face.  “I’ve been there, it’s amazing.  No wonder tonight’s dinner was so great.”

“Thank you, again,” Josef said and smiled.  Despite the fact that he was an amazing and pretty well known chef, Josef was still shy and often didn’t believe compliments when they were given to him.  Sorta like me when people tell me that they like my books.  “But yeah, the restaurant is my baby.”

Christian piped in, “Josef worked there when he was still in cooking school and was taught all of the tricks by this chef named Roma who owned the place at the time.  Roma, that was his last name not his first… I always forget the guys first name… whatever, so this Roma dude took Joey under his wing and pretty much made him the main uh… what’s the word I’m looking for?”

“Apprentice…” I said grinning at Christian’s inability to tell a story when he was drunk.

“Yeah… so Josef was the star pupil and eventually was running the place.  But then Roma was diagnosed with the big C and after a year he died.  Roma left the whole restaurant to Josef making him one of the youngest chefs in the history of Manhattan to have a five star restaurant.”  Josef rolled his eyes again as Christian told the story and I winked at him with a smile.  “So Noche’ was this major success before but once Josef took over it just blew up and was one of those places that had month-long waiting lists to get a reservation to…”

“But when Christian and I were students at NYU Josef decided to do a very cool thing,” I said jumping in.  “He set aside a section of tables that could only be reserved by students.  So Christian and I would try our best to make sure that once a month one of us were on the reservation list so we could go feast.  After the first two or three times that we ate there, we met Josef when he was walking around the restaurant greeting people and seeing if they enjoyed their dinners.  Christian promptly fell in lust with Josef and applied for a job at the restaurant so he could be around Josef more.”

Josef laughed, “He was the worst server I’ve ever had work for me…”

I laughed along with Josef and Kevin smiled listening to us, “Yes, but they fell in love and then Josef fired Chris and we stuck to just eating there.”

“So how long have you guys been down here?” Kevin asked. 

“About five years.  We followed Kellie down here.”

“They couldn’t live without me…” I smiled and took a sip of my wine.  The food was settling, I had room for wine again.

“Very cool…” Kevin said with a nod.  His arm was resting on the back of the couch and he absentmindedly reached out to push a stray curl out of my face.  “So what’s your story?  Why did you leave New York?  Not that I’m blaming you, this place is a hell of a lot more beautiful and peaceful.  But I seem to recall a bright eyed girl telling me at a party a long time ago how much she loved living in New York and how it inspired her writing.”  He smiled at me and those damn green eyes of his twinkled in the light of the candles in the room, I swear they did.

I didn’t typically spill my story to just anyone but I’d been drinking a lot that night and well, Kevin was hot and had a way of looking at me and making me want to tell him my deep dark secrets to him so when he asked, I started talking.  “I couldn’t stay there after 9/11.  I tried, but I couldn’t do it.  I’d been there for eight years by the time I left, and it’ll always be one of my homes, but I had to leave.”

Kevin nodded and touched my temple with his fingertips, “I get that… I didn’t live in the city until after 9/11 but I bet it would have been hard to stay if I’d been there when it happened.”

I nodded and my head was suddenly filled with images of my brother.  Good images, happy ones of things we’d done and shared over the time that he lived in New York with me.  Those things quickly vanished though as I relived watching the Trade Center buildings fall to the ground from my apartment window knowing that as I watched I was watching my brother die.  My eyes filled with tears and I closed my eyes.  One tear ran down the cheek that was thankfully facing away from Kevin and I wiped at it quickly hoping that he didn’t notice.  It was simply too early to start crying on him and I wasn’t ready to talk to him about Sean.  I looked across the way to Christian and gave him a look that said, “Help me before I tell him my whole story and sit here crying all night!”

He sat up and smiled, “So… who wants dessert?”

Okay so he wasn’t the best at smooth transitions, but he was my best friend and I loved him.  “I totally forgot about the cake!”  In celebration of my latest book being done and about to hit the stores Josef had made his famous carrot cake for us for dessert. 

“Are you kidding me?” Kevin laughed.  “More food?”

“Oh it’s not food…” I said with a grin.  “It’s sex in a pan.  It’s the most erotic, orgasmic combination of ingredients that you’ll ever put in your mouth.  Once you taste it, you’ll forget that you were ever full and you’ll forever be addicted.”

“She’s right…” Christian said as he stood up and started toward the kitchen to get the cake.  “I get a hard on just thinking about this cake.  Kevin, you’re going to love it.”

I laughed like a fool as I watched the look on Josef’s face and he shook his head, “And that’s the man I’ve committed my life to…”    

Josef called it a night long before the rest of us were ready to stop hanging out and draining wine bottles.  He’d taken my car keys and told me that I was to spend the night either with them or with Kevin but was not to drive home whatsoever and I agreed.  I wasn’t usually such a lush, but faced with great wine and great company I just kept drinking as long as Christian kept pouring. 

When Christian finally decided to pour himself into bed he pulled me into a big hug and whispered in my ear, “Please go fuck that man and then report to me in graphic detail how amazing he is…”

I laughed and pushed him away, “Cut it out.  Go to bed, you lush.”

He laughed one of those loud laughs that people only laugh when they’ve been drinking all night and the littlest things seemed hilarious, “I’m so serious.  He totally digs you, I can tell.”

“Mmm hmm…” I smiled and kissed his cheek.  “Goodnight, Chris…”

“Goodnight, Darling.”  He shot a wave and a good night to Kevin and then promptly disappeared into the bedroom. 

Vinnie took the vacant couch to himself and lay on his back stretching before settling down to sleep and I laughed looking at him, “My child…”

“He’s the coolest dog in the world,” Kevin said with that smile of his that made me melt.

“Yeah, he is isn’t he?”  I joined Kevin on the couch again and smiled as I sat sideways on the couch facing him.  “I’m so fucking drunk.”

He laughed, “Me too.”

“I can’t believe we haven’t passed out.  Wine usually makes me so damn tired.”

“We must have passed the threshold.”

“Ooh so we’re true alcoholics now?” I asked and laughed.

“No, just very, very, relaxed.” 

‘I could listen to him talk forever,’ I thought to myself.  ‘I could watch him forever too…’ 

“Christian and Josef are great…” he told me with another smile.

“I don’t know what I’d do without them… they’re the best.  Josef sometimes looks at us like we’re completely bonkers, but he loves us anyway.”

“How much older than Christian is he?”

“Eighteen years.”

“You’re shitting me…”

I giggled and shook my head, “Nope.  Christian is thirty-two and Josef just turned fifty a couple of months ago.”

“I honestly had no idea he was that much older than us… that’s amazing.”

“He’s such a sweetheart… and he acts like he’s not a big deal but he really is.  I mean, how many people do you know who were able to pretty much retire when they were forty-five years old?”

“Well the music business is different, it’s not totally odd to retire that early but I know what you mean.”

“I forgot you were a Heartthrob…” I chuckled.  My hand was on his leg and I totally didn’t remember putting it there.  I certainly didn’t move it away though.  Instead I teased his skin with the tip of my fingernail along the hem of his khaki shorts.  “Are you retired?  I know you left the band, but are you going to keep working?”

“Eventually I think I will.  I did Broadway for a while, and that was fun.  I just don’t know what I want to do next.  I think something that’ll be a little easier on my old knees.” 

“How old are your knees?”

“Old,” he said and smiled.  “How old are your knees?”  He put his warm hand on my knee and then let his fingers roam higher up my hip.

I rolled my eyes and pushed his hand away trying to be playful even though I totally wanted his hand there touching me.  “We’re not talking about me right now.  Don’t make me Google you, tell me how old you are…”

He looked directly into my eyes while his hand slid up my hip again and he pulled me closer to him, “It’s not googling that I want you to do…” 

I nearly pissed my pants, he was so sexy.  I tried to pretend that I was cool though even as he tipped his face toward mine begging to be kissed, “Oh yeah?  And what would that be?” 

His lips were so close to mine that when he spoke they moved against my lips, “Nothing I suggest we do in your best friend’s living room…”

“Are you trying to seduce me with your Heartthrob Magic?” I whispered into his mouth wishing that he’d stop teasing and kiss me already.  I craved his mouth, his tongue, his tongue in my mouth.

“Maybe…” he whispered back and kissed me ever so gently, practically a peck then pulled back.  He was still kissable close but his lips weren’t touching mine. 

I sighed, I couldn’t help it.  I wanted him so fucking bad and he was giving me a teasing peck on the lips, it was torture.  “Kevin?” I asked as I grabbed the front of his tee shirt and pulled at him trying to get him even closer to me but he fought it which was both annoying and utterly sexy at the same time.

“Yeah?” he said and slipped his tongue out across my lip for just a split second before pulling back again.  Torture.

“Stop fucking around and kiss me already…”  He chuckled and then finally stopped fighting the pull I had on his shirt.  His lips met mine and this time there was no teasing.  He kissed me hard.  Lips pressing against lips, teeth nibbling and tugging on lips, and that tongue… oh sweet heaven his tongue rubbing against mine.  Never in my life had I known a man who could turn me on so bad with just a kiss.  It didn’t matter to me that my best friends were just down the hall and could easily wander out into the living room and find me in the throes of passion with Kevin on their expensive furniture, all that mattered at that minute was kissing Kevin and feeling his hands on my body, my hands on his body and thinking about how amazing taking it further might be.

We were lying on the couch totally getting into it.  Kevin’s hands were up my shirt, his body pressed against mine.  I was grinding my body against his and dragging my fingernails up and down his back wishing that I could feel more of his skin and feel it against my own.  He moved his kiss to my neck and it nearly pushed me over the edge.  I gasped for air and arched my back which only heightened the mood more because in doing so I pressed my body tighter to his.  “Holy shit…” I sighed as he sucked on my neck.

He chuckled against my skin and the vibration of it sent chills all over my body.  When he pulled his head back to look at me I honestly think I came a little.  Those eyes.  He was slightly out of breath and his hair was messy just begging me to run my fingers through it, so I did.  When my fingers were in his hair his eyes rolled back and he pressed his hips into mine.  We were like junior high school kids trying to get each other off without actually having sex.  We were also really close to being successful at it. 

“I really, really want to get you naked…” he said with a smirk so dirty it made my legs shake.

‘This cannot be my life…’ I thought looking up at this amazing man whose hand was up my shirt and whose erect dick was pressing through his shorts against my body.  I looked up at him and cupped his face in my hands pulling his face to mine.  I kissed him softly, “Just say the magic words…”

I could feel his smile against my lips and it made me smile as well, “Let’s go next door…”

I know what you’re thinking.  You’re thinking that that night when Kevin and I were sloshed on wine and he told me that he wanted to get me naked that I went with him to Roland’s and slept with him.  Well, you’re right… but not in the way you think you are.  I slept with him, but I did not fuck him.  We got naked, oh yes we did.  We got very, very familiar with one another, and much fun was had, but we did not engage in the intercourse with one another that night.

I know what else you’re thinking.  You’re thinking, “why the fuck not?!”  I don’t blame you, I’d think that too if I were where you were.  See kids, sometimes not having sex is a good thing.  Yeah, I’m just being silly now.  You want to know the details.  You want to know what we did while we were naked if we weren’t screwing.  I know how you are.

I could tell you about how he licked, kissed and sucked nearly every inch of my body that night and I did the same to him.  I could tell you how he used those long beautiful piano playing fingers to play on me and in me.  I could even tell you what his dick felt like when it was in my hands and I was bringing him to a gasping, moaning, pleading orgasm.  But that would be tacky of me, so I won’t tell you about those things.

What I can say is that I woke up out of habit the next morning just before the sun was ready to come up.  For a while I was confused, I honestly spent a few split seconds thinking, “Where the hell am I and why am I buck naked?”  Then I heard Kevin sigh in his sleep and I looked over to see him sprawled out next to me in bed, equally naked, and it all came back to me.  Goosebumps formed all over my body just looking at him and remembering what we’d done the night before.  I ran my hand through my messy hair and looked around the room wondering where my clothes were.  I could tell that I was still drunk from the night before because I didn’t have the raging morning-after wine headache that I knew I’d have later on in the day.  Plus it had only been a few hours since we’d stopped drinking.  Once we’d had our outercourse fun in bed the physical exhaustion had mixed with the wine and we both passed out pretty quickly.

I carefully climbed out of bed and tried to be as quiet as a mouse.  I had no idea if Kevin was a light sleeper or not and I really didn’t want him to wake up while I was naked as a jaybird and roaming around trying to find some clothes.  My clothes were nowhere to be found in the bedroom though.  I smirked at the memory of us heatedly stripping each other of clothes the night before and vaguely remembered pitching Kevin’s tee shirt over into the corner of the bedroom.  I looked toward the corner and there it was.  Figuring his shirt would be better than nothing, I grabbed it and pulled it on over my head getting lost in his scent that was all over the super soft cotton.  I stood in the middle of the room holding the front of the shirt to my face inhaling the Smell of Kevin and when he rolled over in bed I snapped out of it and dropped the shirt.  He didn’t wake up, thankfully, and I quietly left the bedroom.  It so wouldn’t have been cool to get caught sniffing the tee shirt after a night of raunchy sex-like activities.

Roland’s condo was the exact same shape as Christian’s except that it was a mirrored image.  It was kind of trippy to tell you the truth, I felt like everything was backwards and it didn’t help that I was still drunk.  I stood in the living room trying to get my bearings and noticed my underwear literally hanging off the corner of the couch.  I both chuckled and blushed as I grabbed them and pulled them on.

Typically my sunrise ritual included coffee but I figured that since I was bound to have a horrible hangover in a few hours, I’d skip the coffee and settle for water and pain killers hoping to thwart some of the hangover before it fully kicked in.  After a quick trip to the bathroom where I saw just how many hickeys Kevin had left on my neck, I grabbed a small handful of Motrin and a bottle of water from the fridge with which to down the pills.  I then picked up a throw blanket from the living room too and then quietly slid open the sliding glass door to the balcony to wait for the sunrise. 

With my legs wrapped up in the blanket, my bottle of water, the ocean, and the upcoming sunrise along with the memories of the physical treat I’d had the night before with Kevin, I was a pretty happy girl.  I tried my best not to bother thinking about all of the questions I had about Kevin’s life and instead just stayed as much in the moment as I could.  I told myself that he probably had just as many questions about my life so we were still even.  Then I thought about the tattoos that were hidden on Kevin’s hip bone and remembered how I’d licked them while he literally giggled at how much it tickled and I decided that I didn’t care so much about all those questions I had about him, at least not right at that moment.

 I was lost in memories of Kevin’s body when I heard him clear his throat inside the condo and then he stepped out onto the balcony wearing a fabulous pair of boxers and nothing else.  He was a beautiful, beautiful man.  He smiled down at me when he saw me and I couldn’t help but grin from ear to ear, “Hey…”

He rubbed his head with an adorable smile on his face, “Aren’t you the woman who not too long ago yelled at me when I rang your doorbell too early in the morning?”

I rolled my eyes and blushed, “Shut up, Richardson.”

“I thought that maybe you’d woken up and run away…”

“Nope. Just waiting for the sun to rise.”

“Uh… Why?”

I chuckled at the confused look on his face.  “Have you seen a sunrise here yet?”

“Can’t say that I have…”

“Go get that other blanket from the couch and get your ass out here then…”

I expected him to sit on the lounger next to me but when he returned with a blanket that matched mine wrapped around his shoulders he instead nudged me forward on my lounge and slid behind me.  Once he was settled he pulled me back into his arms and I can’t lie and say it wasn’t a fantastic feeling.  His body was still warm from being in the bed and hadn’t yet taken on the chill mine had from sitting out in the cool morning air.  I spread my blanket over our legs since the one he had was covering both of us from the waist up just fine. 

“I like you in my shirt…” he said quietly against my neck before kissing a trail up it gently.

“I couldn’t find my clothes…” I chuckled and he laughed too. 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if we find clothes out in the hallway…” he teased.

“Oh god, Christian would never let me live that down if he or Josef got up this morning to let Vinnie outside and found my shirt in the hallway outside of the door.”

“Nah, I specifically remember you being fully clothed when we got here.  You may have been unzipped and unbuttoned, but there wasn’t any hallway nudity.”  His hands slid under the tee shirt and spread over my stomach causing a shockwave of pleasure to run through my body.  There was no way I was going to refrain from fucking this man if just the slightest touch turned me on so bad.  “I’m curious, what made you decide to watch the sunrise?”

“I watch it every morning… and then go back to bed for a few more hours, of course…” I told him and although my eyes were on the horizon, my mind was totally on Kevin’s warm hands on my skin.

“Really?”

“Yeah…”

“Every single day?”

“Well if I’m horribly ill or something I’ll skip it, but most days, yeah.”  I could see the sky beginning to get brighter at the waterline, “Once the sun breaks through you can’t talk until the whole thing is up okay?  It’s a rule.”

I could feel his mouth curl into a smile against my neck and he nodded, “Okay…”  We watched the sun rise in total silence and once we could see the whole sun Kevin kissed my neck again, “That was beautiful.”

I nodded, “I figure if I start my day with something this beautiful, I can keep my faith.  Horrible things may happen in the world, but if there’s something this amazing that happens every single day, then there’s gotta be hope, ya know?”

“That’s a good way to think about it…” he told me in almost a whisper as his arms settled into a hug around my waist.

It wasn’t rare that when I explained to anyone why I watched the sun rise each day that tears would fill my eyes.  That morning with Kevin wasn’t any different, I got all choked up and before I could stop it tears fell down my cheeks.  I thought that maybe if we sat there long enough the wind would dry the tears and I wouldn’t have to explain myself.  That didn’t happen of course though because Kevin dropped his chin to my shoulder to press his cheek against mine and felt the tears.  I was shocked though that he didn’t say anything.  He just tipped his head to kiss my cheek where the tears were and then pressed his cheek back to mine.  He was seriously beginning to freak me out with how freaking perfect he was.  How many guys do you know who don’t wig out when a chick starts crying for seemingly no reason at all?  Yeah, not so many.

Our quiet moment passed and Kevin chuckled, “I’m trying so hard to be in the moment and let this keep on being beautiful but I have to admit, all I want to do is touch you.”

“You are touching me…” I chuckled.

“Not the way I want to…”

It’s pretty good when a guy can make you blush without even looking at you.  I decided to go with the moment, “And how’s that?”  He slid one hand up to cup my breast and moved the other down between my legs.  “Oh, like that…” I gasped as he began rubbing the one hand between my legs over my underwear.  He was all about teasing me and I have to admit, I wasn’t fighting it.  I leaned my head back against his shoulder and closed my eyes as he rubbed his palm over me and teased my nipple with his fingertips.  Not since I was a virgin and purposely trying to avoid having sex had I been with anyone who took so much time touching me the way Kevin did.  Who needed sex when a hot man in his underwear could wrap his arms around you and make you come just by playing between your thighs?  Okay, that’s probably a stupid question, but really… this whole foreplay thing we had going on was fan-fucking-tastic and I wasn’t complaining.

I really wished I hadn’t put my underwear on so that at least he would’ve been touching my skin instead, but those thoughts soon faded away as he worked his magic and had me panting his name as I came.  Once I’d caught my breath I moved around so I could face him and looked into those amazing eyes of his, “You are a dirty man…”

He smiled, “I can’t help it… you’re a beautiful woman.”

I ran a fingernail down the middle of his chest and down the treasure trail that Josef had been drooling over the day before.  When I made it to the band of his boxers I grinned, “Looks like you enjoyed yourself while you were getting me off just now…”  His erection was straining against the fabric of his underwear.  I leaned forward to kiss his lips and teased him running my fingers down over his crotch.  He sighed against my mouth and pushed his hips toward my hand.  “Really, really enjoyed yourself…”

“I like the sounds you make when you come…” he whispered against my lips. 

I reached inside his boxers and began stroking his cock slowly as I kept placing kisses on his lips, “That’s funny, I was just thinking the same thing about you.”

In addition to being a novelist I’m a professional Cuddle Freak.  If I could stay in bed 24 hours a day with someone to snuggle up to I would.  Thankfully even when I gave up on men and romance I had a best friend who was a certified Cuddle Master.  The afternoon after Kevin and I had our drunken sexual relations bash I stumbled back to Christian’s place to pick up Vinnie.  As I sobered up, the reality of what Kevin and I had done hit me smack dab in the forehead.  All of those questions that typically flooded my mind about Kevin, like if he was still married for example, came rushing back and I started to feel like a serious tramp.  One look at my face and Christian called for an afternoon of snuggling in bed with me and Vinnie.

“Alright, woman…” Christian finally said after we’d been snuggled up together for a while back at my house.  “It’s been several hours and neither one of us is hung over anymore.  It’s time to spill it… did you fuck him?”

I sighed and snuggled up closer to him, “No…”

Christian’s fingers played in my hair, “Did you get naked with him?”

“Uh huh…”

“So you were naked with a beautiful drunk man and you didn’t fuck him.”

“Basically, yes.”

Christian sighed, “Honey?”

I closed my eyes knowing exactly what his next line of questioning would be, “Hmm?”

“What’s the deal with you and him?  Are you just scared or is it something else? Cause, babe… I’m not saying that you’re typically easy to get into the sack but I just don’t get it.  Kevin is this gorgeous, sexy talented, rich, funny, amazing man who is so clearly into you as you are into him, and yet you’re keeping him at arm’s length.”  I kept quiet and squeezed my arm around him even tighter.  “Hell even Vinnie likes him… and didn’t you say that your mom predicted he’d come into your life?”

“Yeah she did… or at least his eyes…”  The mentioning of Kevin’s eyes made me think of the things we’d done the night before and the way those eyes had looked at me.  I shivered and pulled the covers tighter around us.  “I do like him, Chris.  I just don’t know…”

“Don’t know what?”

“What he wants… Or at least what he…” I sighed unable to put into words what I really wanted to say.  “What’s he doing here?”

“You mean aside from rolling around naked in bed with you?”

I tried not to laugh but failed and opened my eyes again, “Shut up.  I mean why is he staying in Ro’s place?  And what happens at the end of the summer when Ro is back?”

“So in other words… what about his wife, right?”

“Exactly…”

I sighed again and Christian kissed my forehead.  ”That’s the real question, right?  The one that everything hangs on and the reason you’re here with me being all mopey instead of hanging out in bed with Kevin…”

“Mmm hmm…”

“There’s always Google…”

“We made a promise… no Googling.”

“Well then have you thought about just asking him?”

“Of course I have, Chris.  I just… I don’t know if I really want to know…”

“Okay let me play Devil’s Advocate… If you found out that he is still married, what happens?”

“I cut him off totally.  No more friendship, no flirting, nothing… I won’t be his mistress.”

“I’ve always preferred the word homewrecker over mistress… cause a mistress can be a good thing in the sense of S and M kind of shit…” Christian said and I laughed.  “But okay… second case scenario… You find out that he’s still married but he’s separated from her and is for sure getting a divorce.”

“Like the divorce is pending and he’s the one who asked for it?” I clarified.

“Yup…”

I thought about it for a moment and shrugged, “Then I guess it’s okay.  I just wouldn’t want to have that whole ‘Oh baby I swear I’m going to leave my wife for you someday…’ bullshit.  I’d probably hold things off until I knew for sure that he was divorced.”

“So if he’s separated but not pending a divorce then you kick him to the curb?”

I nodded, “Yeah.  Cause with my luck he’d spend the summer with me, I’d fall for him and then he’d go back to her and leave me with a broken heart.”

“Gosh, Kel… you’re sooo positive!” Christian said with a chuckle.  I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see it.  “I understand though… Sexy Kev comes swaggering in looking all hot and gets you all turned on wanting to end the ban on romance but it’s hard to tell if he’s being a man-whore or not.”

I laughed and lifted my head to look at him, “Do you know how much I love you?”

“Of course…”

I smiled, “Good…”  I kissed him them put my head back down on his chest.

“So let me ask you this… Let’s say we’re chillin’ here this afternoon and Mr. Hotness calls or shows up at the door with a raging hard on and a box of condoms.  What do you do?”

I laughed again, “I’m not giving up the goods until I know for sure if he’s still married or not.”

“And what exactly do you call what you gave up last night?” Christian asked laughing.

“Hey…” I said and smacked his chest.  “I didn’t give it all up… we did not fuck…”

“Did you suck his dick?”

“Maybe…”

“Did he suck your dick?”  Christian laughed and automatically shielded himself from the smack he knew he was going to get. 

“Maybe…”

“Did you both come?”

“Yuh huh…”

“More than twice each?”

I shivered again, “Yeah.”

“So basically you did everything but have actual sex…”

“Uh huh…”

“Um, babe?”

“Oh shut up, Christian!”  I pushed him away and rolled over to snuggle with Vinnie.  “I know there’s not much left to give up, but it’s a big deal to me.  I’ve never fucked anyone that I wasn’t dating.”

“What about the guy you screwed at that wedding last summer?”

I rolled my eyes again, “He was an ex boyfriend.”

“So he doesn’t count…”

“No, he doesn’t.”

“You’ve never had random sex with a stranger?  No one night stands?”

“No.”

“So what you did with Kevin last night…”

“Right…” I said and sighed.  “I’ve never done anything like that with someone who I wasn’t dating.”

“Oh baby…” Christian rolled to his side and spooned up against me wrapping me in a hug, “I hope he’s divorced or will be soon.”

“Me too.”

“And if it turns out that he’s still married, we’ll get Josef to give him food poisoning then we’ll kick his ass.”  We laughed together and Christian kissed my cheek, “I really do hope he’s a good guy though.  You deserve one, and I certainly would enjoy living vicariously through your sex life with him.”

I nodded and rolled back over to face Christian and snuggle up to him again, “I’d love to give that to you too.”

We snuggled in silence for a few minutes and then Christian laughed, “Is it big?”

“Is what big?” I asked, totally confused… I thought maybe I’d drifted off to sleep and missed part of a conversation.

“His cock!”

“Oh…” I chuckled, “Yeah it is…”

“Like normal big or really big?”

“Porn star big…” I said and then cracked up when Christian moaned.  “I’m kidding… but yeah, he’s well endowed.  Well. Well. Endowed.”

“Biggest you’ve ever had?”

“Biggest I’ve ever not had…” I said and laughed. 

“Seriously?”

“Yeah…”

“And I bet it’s not a weird shape or anything is it?  He’s fucking perfect from head to toe, isn’t he?”

“Pretty much… “

“God you suck…” he said and laughed.

I laughed again, “Yeah I do… and he really, really likes it.”

Kevin didn’t show up on my doorstep with a raging hard on and a box of condoms like Christian predicted.  He did however call me later that night after Christian had gone back home to Josef.  I was still in bed with Vinnie, the blankets pulled up to my neck as I pondered what Kevin’s real story was.  I made up one scenario after another and each one got crazier as I put more thought into it. When the phone rang I looked at the Caller ID and smiled at Kevin’s number staring at me from the small screen.

“I was just thinking about you…” I said into the phone after pushing the Talk button.

“Funny, I was thinking about you…”

“So what were you thinking about me?” I asked and threw some of the blankets off of me, suddenly feeling warmer.

I swear Kevin’s already low voice dropped a few octaves, “How good your skin feels against mine…”

My eyes fluttered shut and I fanned myself with my hand.  Hot.  So hot.  “You’re dirty…”

“You like it though…” he said and I could almost hear the smirk on his face through the phone.

“True, but you’re still dirty.”

“So tell me what you were thinking about me…”

I laughed, “You want the truth?”

“Of course…”

I laughed again and shook my head, “I was wondering if you own a pair of fuzzy slippers.”

“What?” he asked and cracked up.

“You wanted the truth… that’s what I was thinking of.  I was wondering if you typically wear pajamas to bed or if you just lay there buck naked and then I started imagining what your pajamas look like…”

“And you decided that they included fuzzy slippers?”  His amused voice was nearly as sexy as his deep bedroom voice.

“Yeah… Red ones, to go with the Superman pajamas…” I said and giggled.

“Do I at least have a cape?”

I giggled, “It’s detachable… you can’t wear a cape to bed safely.”

“You are by far the most interesting person I’ve ever known…”

“Yeah, yeah… You should see me in my Wonder Woman pajamas…” I teased.

“I’d love to…”  He used that damn sex voice again and I was fanning myself again.

“So what are you doing, other than thinking of my skin and being dirty?”

“Not much else really,” he said and laughed at himself.

“Exciting evening, huh?”

“Actually I finished reading your book earlier.  You have an amazing gift with words.”

Blushing.  Totally blushing over the phone.  “Um, thanks.”

“You really suck at taking compliments…” he said and chuckled.

“Oh shut up…” I laughed.

“Seriously… it was a beautiful book.  I totally cried like a baby at the end.”

“Really?”

“Yup.”

“You cried?  Like really cried?”

“Yeah…”

“You mean you got choked up…”

“No, I mean I cried real tears and had to get a Kleenex and everything.  I cried.”

“Wow…” 

“Surely I’m not the first person to tell you that they cried reading the book…”

“Well no… Just… I don’t know, I guess I didn’t expect you to be a crier.”

“I’m a big sap.  The fellas used to tease me because I’d get choked up over the way the fans reacted to meeting us.”

I smiled, “The fellas… you mean Backstreet?”

“Yeah…”

“Do you miss them?”

“Every day… but I talk to all of them pretty regularly.  I’ve been trying to get them to come visit me down here.  They’re on a hiatus so hopefully one of them will get their ass over here.  AJ’s mom still lives in Kissimmee so I keep telling him that he could visit both of us with one trip.”

“Where’s he live?”

“He’s out in LA.  Nick too.  Howie’s sort of all over the place but he just got married so his wife is trying to get him to figure out where the hell he wants to live…” Kevin laughed and I found myself grinning like a fool.  He was telling me personal stuff and it was flowing out of his mouth so easily, I loved it.  “Brian’s in Georgia right outside of Atlanta.  If anyone comes to visit it’ll probably be him.  I’ve been trying to taunt him with the beach because his little boy loves the water.”

“Aww… that would be fun.  If you do get him to come visit you’re welcome to use my place… my beach is a little more secluded than the one at the condo.”

“I’ll keep that in mind… thank you.”

“No problem…”

“So uh… back to your skin…”

“Nice transition…” I said and rolled my eyes.

“You’re the one who has the gift with words, I’m just a singer…”

“You gunna start singing about my body?”

“I could…”

Yeah and if he did I’d probably melt into a puddle of goo.  “Anyway… What about my skin?”

“I miss it.”

“Aww… you’ve gone a whole like eight hours without seeing me, you poor baby.”

“Exactly…”

“You sound like you’ve got it pretty bad, Richardson.”

“Pretty much… I think maybe you need to see what my pajamas really look like.”

I smiled, “But if you’ve got on your pj’s then how are you going to feel my skin?”  I honestly couldn’t believe how brazen I got when I was around Kevin.  One minute I’m freaking out because I’m worried that he’s still married and I’m just his whore, the next I’m making comments about him feeling my skin.  I slapped my hand to my forehead and closed my eyes.

“I don’t have to wear them… I can just show them to you.”

Fanning again.  I wanted to dare him so badly to show up naked at my front door but I figured he was probably crazy enough to do it, or maybe just horny enough.  “Well I’m already in my pj’s so if you want to play Show and Tell you’ll have to come over here.”

“I can do that…”

“Bring ice cream with you… there’s a little convenience store between your place and mine, they’ve got ice cream.”

Kevin laughed, “What kind do you want?”

“Ben and Jerry’s… any flavor, they’re all good.  I just want ice cream.”

“Anything else?”

“Just a sexy guy in his fuzzy slippers…” I chuckled.

“I’ll be there in fifteen minutes."

“You really do have a great beach…” Kevin told me with a smile.  We were sitting on a blanket in the sand in my back yard in our pajamas eating ice cream while Vinnie worked on digging a huge hole. 

“Thanks…” I said and put my spoon into his carton of ice cream.  He’d brought two different flavors and we were sharing them.  “When I lived in my condo before I got the house my neighbors didn’t really like how Vin would dig holes in the beach…”  I laughed remembering how pissed off my neighbors got when they’d realize that after covering up all of Vinnie’s holes he’d gone and dug them all up again.  “He’s a little obsessed with digging… But now that we’ve got our own beach he can dig all he wants…”  We watched Vinnie continue to dig like a madman and I shook my head, “Silly boy.”  I spooned more ice cream out of Kevin’s carton and paused before sliding it into my mouth, “Do you have pets?”

Kevin shook his head, “No.  I used to have a cat but he died a while back.  He was old, I had him forever.”

“Bummer…”

“Yeah.  After that I thought about getting a dog or maybe another cat but it never happened.”

“I don’t know what I’d do without Vinnie… ”

“You’d just talk to yourself more…” Kevin said and laughed.  “I guess I figured that with me being on the road so much it wasn’t fair to get a pet that I’d have to leave at home with a house sitter.  I could have gotten a little dog who I could take along with me but I’m more of a big dog kind of guy I think… I can’t see myself walking a little Tea Cup Yorkie like AJ has.”

I giggled at the idea of big sexy Kevin walking a tiny little dog, “Yeah, as cute as it would be to see you with a little pup, I think you’re a hell of a lot sexier with a big brute like Vin.”

“The dog has to be big enough to knock me on my ass in the ocean to qualify as a real dog…”

I nodded, “So true…”  I looked at Kevin and was lost for a moment in the prettiness of him in the moonlight and the sexiness of him sucking ice cream off of his spoon.  I wanted to be his spoon.  “Where do you live?”

“Huh?” Kevin asked and looked at me.

“You must have a house somewhere… where is it?”

Kevin’s eyes looked out over the water and they looked serious, more serious than I’d seen them look.  “LA.  I’m selling it though.  I think I might move back to this side of the country.  Be closer to my mom and my brothers…”

“That’s cool…”

“Yeah…”  I felt bad for making him look so serious.  I started to think that my obsessing over whether or not he was still married was stupid.  I was a paranoid freak who assumed that the world was out to wrong me and no sexy talented man would ever “just” want me. 

“When I lived in New York it was torture knowing my mom was so far away.  When my brother came to New York for school my mom moved down here and I hated it.  I mean, it was nice knowing that I had somewhere warm and sunny to come and visit but I didn’t like being so far away from her.  It helped that my brother was with me, but still… When I moved down here and suddenly she was only half an hour drive away again it was great.”

Kevin smiled and played with his spoon in between his beautiful long fingers, “Have you always been so close with her?”

“Yeah… more so after my brother died, but we’ve always been close.  She’s a nut, but I love her.”

“She seems very cool…”

“She is… and she likes you.”  Kevin and I had realized a few days prior that we had the exact same cell phone.  Same color, same ringtones, same everything.  When he’d answered what he thought was his phone but was actually mine he’d spoken to my mother in confusion for a few minutes before he’d realized that she hadn’t actually called his phone.  They laughed about the mistake and then talked to each other for half an hour before finally letting me talk.   “She told me that the next time I go see her you have to come with me.”

“I would love to meet her…”  His eyes didn’t look as serious anymore and I felt better. 

“She’s going to watch Vin for me while I’m doing the book stuff.  When I take him to her you can come with me.”

“How long will you be gone?”

“About a week.  It’s not a full book tour, just press.  If the book does well then I’ll have to do an actual tour where I travel around and do signings and stuff. But for now I’m just doing talk shows.” 

I sighed and Kevin smiled, “What’s the sigh for?”

“I don’t like doing talk shows.  I mean, the Today Show is usually cool… they’re actually my favorite.  But all of the other ones just make me nervous.  I’d much rather do book signings and talk about the book to actual readers…”

“I bet you’re great at that… You’re so great at telling stories.”

I shrugged, “Better than I am at doing television…”

“So you leave in three weeks?”

“Ish… Technically I have two and a half weeks left then I go up to New York.”

“Well at least you get to go to New York, right?  Your other home.”  Kevin smiled and pushed my hair behind my ear after the wind it blew into my face.  I nodded and leaned my head toward his hand.  I loved having him touch me.  I wanted to tell him how going to New York played games with my head and often gave me horrendous nightmares reliving Sean’s death.  I wanted to tell him that I was scared of being in New York and didn’t want to go.  I wanted to curl up in his arms and never leave the cozy spot we’d made ourselves on the beach with our ice cream and Vinnie in his hole. 

When I looked at him I know he saw the tears in my eyes.  His eyes got serious again and I tried my best to smile a weak smile at him.  I reached out to touch his lips with my fingertips.  He kissed them and I swear it shot right through my body when he did it.  I leaned over to kiss him and as our tongues met I pushed away all of my fearful thoughts about my book premiere week.  I focused on kissing Kevin and only kissing Kevin.  Well, kissing him and touching him and him touching me, but that’s it.  We kissed for what seemed like forever and when Vinnie began snoring from his hold in the sand we stopped kissing to laugh. 

“I guess it’s pretty late…” Kevin said and smiled.

I nodded, “Way past his bedtime.”  I chuckled at Vinnie’s snore again, “I should dust him off and get him inside…”  I whistled and Vinnie woke up, stretched, stood up and shook the sand out of his fur.  He stood there looking at us like he was totally confused which made Kevin and I both laugh.  “Go to bed Vino…” I told him and after another shake he trotted off toward the house.  We heard him go through his dog door a moment later and I was sure that he was on his way to the bedroom to pass back out. 

I stood up and held my hands out to Kevin and pulled him to his feet.  He smiled down at me and kissed me again.  When he pulled back he had a grin on his face that made me smile, “You planning on telling me to go to bed too?”

I shook my head, “Nope… I’m taking you to bed.”

Forgive me bloggers for I have sinned… it’s been two weeks since my last blog post.

I know, I know, I know… I said I was going to be better about updating this blog, and I said that even if I had to make a post about Vinnie finding something new to chew on, I’d still update.  But apparently I lied.  I wish I could say that I haven’t updated because I’ve been so busy with preparations for the book release next week that I just haven’t been able to sit down and throw together some words.  I wish I could say that I’ve been gallivanting around the country doing pre-book press and by the time I make it back to my hotel room I’m too exhausted to bother blogging.  I wish I could even say that Vinnie has been keeping me so busy playing fetch that I couldn’t write.  But I don’t like to lie to my readers, so I can’t say any of those things.

Vinnie does still wish that we could play fetch 23 hours a day and I am trying to get ready for the book release, but to be completely honest it isn’t anything business related that’s been keeping me away.  I will be hitting the talk shows soon and living out of a hotel room, but that all starts next week (check out the schedule page of the site for more details and DVR alerts!). No… the truth is that it’s been lust that’s been keeping me away.

Lust? You ask.  Yup, pure old hot steamy weak in the knees kissing like a teenager lust.  See, there’s this guy.  This guy who I met a long, long time ago at a party way back when Lake Pleasanton #1 was about to come out.  This guy who I didn’t see again until a few weeks ago.  This guy who when I had a concussion (it’s a long story) sat with me in the Emergency Room and then took care of me and Vinnie while I was drugged up on Vicodin.  This guy who kisses like a dream and is hotter than any hot guy I’ve ever written about and who I still wonder if he’s real when I look at him.  Lust, ladies and gents.

We’re not dating.  Or at least I don’t think we are.  Maybe we are.  We just spend a lot of time together and well… when I’m spending time with him I forget about all of the things I’m supposed to do like update my blog, work on my next book, call my publisher back (sorry Jude!) and buy dog food (sorry Vin!).  He’s just fun to be around and it’s been so long since anyone has paid so much attention to me (other than my adoring fans whom I love so much, smootch, smootch) that I’m really digging this.  When I do try to force myself to sit down and write for a little bit I find that this guy is playing the role of all of my male characters.  It doesn’t even matter if it’s a well established character that I’ve been writing for years who looks and acts nothing like this guy of mine… suddenly he’s my actor. 

It’s pretty pathetic really, but what’s wrong with being pathetic if you’re having fun in the process?  I mean, when was the last time that I just had good old fashioned fun with a sexy guy who wanted my full attention?  (Other than Vinnie, of course...)  I’ll tell you how long… too damn long.  I’ve spent the last few years going on and on about how great it is being single and how I’m loving life as an independent woman who is supporting herself with her love of writing.  Although I’m not taking any of that back and I still believe in it all… I’m seeing a whole other side of life right now.  A side that includes things like cuddling, kissing, and eating ice cream on the beach in the middle of the night in pajamas with someone instead of all by myself.  It’s fun and I’m not too proud to admit it.

Who is he?  I can’t tell you.  He is real though.  Very, very real.  But for the sake of his privacy and my own for now he’s just to be referred to as The Guy.  Maybe down the road I’ll share with you what his name is and maybe even post a picture of the sexiness that is The Guy, but until then all I can tell you is bits and pieces of what it is that’s keeping me from doing all of the things I’m supposed to be doing. And for heaven’s sake if you’re one of my neighbors or you’ve seen me out and about in town with said Guy, keep your mouth shut and respect our privacy okay?  I promise to share him with you when and if the time comes… until then, just let us have our fun together.  I promise, he won’t fully take me away from the love of my writing… it’s just a hiatus.

I’ll see many of you in NYC in about a week and many more of you later in the year… keep all of the e-mails coming, you all rock my socks!

Always,

Kellie (and Vinnie too!)

My nightmares about 9/11 always have a few things in common.  I always know what’s going to happen before it happens, I’m always trying to get word to Sean to get out of the buildings, and I always fail.  Everything else about the dream typically changes.  Sometimes it’s just a pure flashback where I’m standing in my apartment watching it all through the balcony window and on the Today Show just like it really happened.  Other times I’m in the building with Sean but I can’t get to him quick enough.  Then there are times when I’m watching it on television from another state or just down on the street looking up at the building as it starts to fall.  Whatever the dream ends up being though, it always devastates me.

The closer I got to my trip to New York, the more I had my 9/11 nightmares.  I was also spending more and more time with Kevin which meant that when I’d wake up in the middle of the night shaking like a leaf and crying, he was usually there.  I hadn’t even gotten around to telling him just what was haunting me and yet, he didn’t make me tell him anything.  He would just hold me and be there with me until I was okay. 

I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t like having Kevin there when I woke up.  Normally when I had my nightmares I was alone and either had to calm myself down or I ended up calling Christian, so actually having someone there with me was a nice change.  I felt bad that I hadn’t told him what my problem actually was, but every time that I tried to tell him I couldn’t do it.  I found myself thinking that in order to tell Kevin about my deep dark secrets I had to know for sure that he was sticking around.  But since I still didn’t even know why Kevin was spending the summer in Roland’s condo, I felt like I didn’t know much about him at all.  That is, until I got a phone call that definitely put a new spin on things.

I was still in bed, mostly asleep, when a familiar ringtone played on my phone and despite the early hour I smiled as I reached across Vinnie to get the phone.  “Hey, Mama…”

“Good morning, sunshine… Did I wake you?”

“Of course you did… but it’s okay.”  I rolled onto my back and stretched.

My mom laughed in my ear which only made me smile more, I loved to hear her laugh.  “Well guess what?”

“Not a clue…”

“I’m in New Smyrna…”

That woke me up.  I sat up with a big grin on my face, New Smyrna was just a twenty minute drive from my house which was a heck of a lot closer than her home in Titusville just North of Cape Canaveral.  “Really?  How come?”

“I had some stuff to drop off to a new customer and figured it gave me a perfect excuse to visit my baby…”

“Aww…” I said as I got out of bed and walked out into the living room to make sure it was presentable.  My mom knew that I was a slob, but I generally tried to clean up at least a little bit when she was visiting so that she wouldn’t pick on me about it.  “Are you on your way now?”

“Yup… just turned onto US-1.”

“Cool… I’ll make the coffee…”  I found a tee shirt that belonged to Kevin stuck between the couch and an end table and had to laugh because we’d searched all over for the shirt the a few days before and had been unable to find it.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing…” I said and smiled as I paused to smell Kevin’s shirt.  I loved the way he smelled.  Smelling his shirt made me want him there with me.

“Yeah sure… so is Kevin there?”

“Mother… do you think I’m that kind of girl?” I teased with a gasp.

“Honey, you’re my daughter, I know you’re that kind of girl…”

“So true…” I said and we both laughed.  “But no, he went home to Kentucky to see his family over the weekend and got back late last night.”  Two and a half days without seeing him and I was in serious withdraw.  I needed to see those pretty green eyes and everything else that was attached to the body they belonged to.  I had to fan myself as I opened the sliding glass door to let Vinnie outside, thinking about Kevin was like my own personal version of a hot flash.

“Well then we’ll have to have him over for dinner…”

I watched Vinnie as he ran around in the sand like he’d never been out there before and everything was brand new and had to be inspected.  “Does that mean you’re staying over?”

“Only if you’ll have me…”

“Oh I suppose…”

“Have the boys come over for dinner too…”

“Sure thing.  I’ll call them in a bit… you know they’re all still in bed.”

“Oh to be young and able to sleep in…”

“Are you trying to tell me that as I get older I’m not going to be able to sleep in?  Cause that idea pretty much sucks.”

She laughed and I could imagine the look she was making while shaking her head at me, “I’m amazed that you’ve been able to get so many novels written… you sleep so much.”

“Just face it, I live the life of a rock star, Mom.”

“Uh huh… well make sure you’re a rock star who has clean sheets on her spare bed, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah… you ask so much of me…”

An hour later my mom and I were sitting on my deck watching Vinnie play on the beach while we drank coffee and munched on a homemade coffee cake that she’d brought with her.  “So tell me what’s on your mind…”

I sighed and took a sip of my coffee.  One major hazard of having a psychic mother was that she often knew what was going on with me even before I did.  I looked at her, “Did you really have a new customer or did you just come up here to pick my brain?”

She smiled, “I did have a new customer and I also came up here to pick your brain.”

“Tell me about your customer first…” I said and put my coffee on the arm of the double Adirondack bench we were sharing.

“Well I met her at the farmer’s market a few weeks ago when I had a booth set up.  She came by and fell in love with one of the vases I had on sale.  She bought it and then ended up coming back a few hours later to see if I did special orders.  She wanted to do a whole theme to go along with the vase and gave me some ideas.  I did some sketches and by the time we parted ways I had a custom order to do for her.  And yes, since she lives so close to you I offered to drive the items up to her instead of shipping them.”

I smiled, “Did you take pictures?”  I’d recently bought her a digital camera so that she could take photos of all of the pottery she made.  My goal was to get her items listed online one day so that she could expand her business, but for the time being I was happy just getting to see pictures of her work.

“Of course… And if you teach me how to look at them on my camera you can even see them…”

I chuckled and put my head on her shoulder, “No problem…”

“Now… tell me what’s on your mind.”

“I don’t want to go to New York…”

“I know you don’t, Monkey.  But Christian’s going with you right?”

“Yeah…”

“Good…”

I nodded.  “I know it’ll be okay once I’m there, I’m just having my usual meltdown over the whole thing.”

“You’ll be wonderful as always.”  I nodded again and hugged her arm.  “Now tell me what’s really bothering you.”

“Kevin.”

“What about him?”

“He’s such a mystery…”  My mom started to say something and I cut her off, “And yes, I know I could just ask him all of the questions that I have about him but I can’t seem to do it…”  See? I had a touch of the psychic in me too.

She smiled and patted her hand on my knee, “You really like this guy, huh?”

“More than I want to admit.  Like I can almost see my future with him and just saying those words freaks me out.”

“Honey, seeing your future with someone isn’t always a bad thing.”

“Yeah well…”

“Yeah well nothing…”

“Just promise me something, okay?”

“Name it…” she said and leaned her head on top of mine.

“When you meet him tonight, if you have any visions or whatever, you have to tell me everything.”

A visit from my mother typically also means a visit from Christian.  My mother had always loved Christian when we were in college together and pretty much adopted him as her other son.  They got along fabulously from day one and when Sean died Christian was right there with us, a true part of the family stepping up as the token son left in the family.  Frankly, he loved being adopted into my family because his own parents were pretty nonexistent.  Where my mom was constantly calling him and checking up on him, his own parents called him maybe once every six months and generally didn’t seem to care what he did with his life.

When I called Christian to invite him and Josef over for dinner that evening it was like I’d barely hung up the phone and Christian was bursting through my front door yelling, “Mama!” and hugging her tight.  When they were done with their love-fest I smiled and looked at my imaginary watch on my arm, “Chris… I invited you over for dinner, not lunch…”

He laughed and flipped me off, “Oh bite me.  You don’t call me up and tell me that Mom’s in town and expect me to wait until dinner time to come over… Puhleese.”

“Mmm hmm…”

“You’re just pissed that I hugged her first…”

“You haven’t hugged me at all actually…” I said and raised an eyebrow at him.

He chuckled and practically tackled me with a hug and then grinned, “Better?”

“Yup…” I said and kissed him.  “Couldn’t talk Josef into coming over so early?”

“Nah… he left this morning to go do some cooking thing in Miami.  He’ll be gone for a few days.”

I looked at my mom and she smiled, “Sounds like we’re having a sleepover!”

“Oh lord…” I said and laughed.  “Last time we had a sleepover you both ate all of my ice cream and I swear Vinnie gained five pounds from all of the treats you gave him.”

They totally ignored me.  Christian sat down with my mom and held her hand in his, “I think we should see if Kevin will join in on the sleepover too.  Did you guys invite him to dinner too?”

“Not yet, but he’s definitely on the invite list.  She was about to call him when you showed up.”

“Wait until you meet him… he’s beautiful.”

“He’s certainly got a lovely voice over the phone and he seems like a nice person.”

“Oh he’s totally cool…” Christian said and reached out to grab a piece of the coffee cake we’d been munching on.  “You should see him with Kel too… They’re freaking adorable together.”

“Shut up, Chris.” I sighed and picked up my coffee mug. 

“I’m looking forward to meeting him, I’d like to finally see if he lives up to all of the things she tells me about him.”

“Hello?  I’m in the room…”  I said with a groan.  “Stop talking about me like I’m not here.”

Christian made a confused face at my mom, “Did you hear something?”

She winked at him and shrugged her shoulders, “Must have been a bug or something…”

“Now you can both bite me…” I said and picked up my phone off of the coffee table.  They both chuckled and made kissy faces at me to which I gave them a stuck out tongue and stepped out onto the deck while dialing Kevin’s number.

He answered on the second ring, “Hey you…”

I lit up like a light house and grinned, “Hey yourself… Welcome home.”

“Thank you…”

“How was the trip?”

“Long… my flight was delayed twice.  But once I finally got in the air it was fine.  I just got home a few hours later than expected is all.”

“That sucks, you should have called me, I could have kept you company.”

“I thought about it but I was reading and before I knew it they were calling for boarding.”

“Must have been a good book…”

“Yeah, it’s by this chick I know… Kellie something.”

I laughed, “You’re reading the Lake Pleasanton books?”

“Yup…”

“Oh man… now that’s a funny thought.  Big strong sexy Heartthrob sitting in an airport totally engrossed in Chick Lit about teenagers…”

“They’re not teenagers anymore, I’m up to the sixth book.”

“Holy shit…”

“They’re really good books… I’m having a great time reading them.”

I was blushing and found myself shaking my head, “You’re really something, Kev…”

“Why, because I’m interested in what you do?”

“There’s a difference in being interested in what I do and reading my whole library of work in just a few weeks.”

“What can I say, I’m addicted to all things Kellie.”  He didn’t just say that ultimately sweet thing, he said it in his deep flirty sexy voice and I could hear the smirk in his voice.

More blushing. “Do you realize that every time I talk to you on the phone you make me blush?”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“Cool.”  I had to smile, yeah it was cool alright.  “Oh my mother says thank you for the book… she was so geeked about it when I showed it to her.” Kevin chuckled and the sound made me smile like an idiot.  “She started reading it that night and handed over her collection of your books and told me to start reading.”

“Oh so it’s her fault…”

“Only partially… I was planning on reading them anyway.  But once I got started I sort of got sucked in and now I’m hooked.”

“You’re adorable…”

“Naturally…”

Vinnie trotted up to me with a ball and nudged my hand with his head until I took the ball from him and threw it out onto the beach.  “So hey… are you free for dinner?”

“I was actually going to ask you the same thing.”

“Great minds…” I smiled and Vinnie returned with the ball, gave it to me and sat down panting at me waiting for the next throw.  “This crazy lady who swears she’s my mom showed up this morning demanding a place to sleep for the night but she also said she’d cook dinner for me and my friends so I was ordered to call you and see if you would come over in a few hours.”

“Very cool… Sounds like fun.  And let’s face it.  I’m sure whatever your mom is cooking is going to be better than what I could offer you.  I was just going to order pizza or something lame like that.”  He laughed at his own joke which was one of the million things that I totally loved about the guy.  “Should I bring anything?”

“Just wine… We have sort of a tradition when she visits… we make a big meal, drink a lot of wine, and have a sleepover.  No one is allowed to bring any food though because we do all of the cooking.  Christian’s already here and has made it clear which bed he’s sleeping in tonight.  So if you’re going to stay here with us you should probably bring those pajamas and fuzzy slippers too…”

Kevin chuckled, “Sounds like a fun tradition… I’ll only stay overnight if I get to bunk with you though.”

Blushing again…. Totally.  I smiled, “If you demanded anything else I wouldn’t let you stay… I’ve missed sleeping next to you.”  It kind of freaked me out hearing myself say those words.  They were true and yet they scared the hell out of me because saying them aloud was admitting that they were true.  I missed Kevin and I loved it when he was around.  Little Miss I’m Not Going To Date Men Anymore was totally and utterly swept up in the dance of courtship. 

“I’ve missed that too… other things too of course…”

“Of course…” Chuckling I ran my hand through my hair as I faced the house and looked in to where Christian and my mom were still sitting on the couch talking a mile a minute.  I imagined the two of them interrogating Kevin and almost felt sorry for the guy… he had no idea what was coming.  “So we’ll probably do dinner around six but you’re welcome any time.  I imagine it’s going to be an all day and night sort of affair so whenever you feel like joining just come on over.”

“Do I get to kiss you in front of your mom?”

I smiled and then made goofy faces at my mom and Christian who were clearly watching me talk to Kevin on the phone and were cooing about how “cute” I was when I talked to or about Kevin.  “Sure… just don’t make it too x-rated.”

Kevin laughed in my ear and it sent a shiver over my body touching all of the right spots, “Then I’ll be over soon…”

In all of the years I’d dated and of all of the assorted men that I’d had in my life and my bed, I’d only taken one guy home to meet my mother and that was Christian.  Although I was confident that if anything, Kevin was not going to be coming out of the closet and joining the gay men in my life, introducing him to my mom was still a really big deal.  I tried as hard as possible to keep from freaking out while waiting for Kevin to show up but trying really didn’t help much.  I was nervous as all get out and although I kept it inside pretty well, as soon as the doorbell rang I nearly jumped out of my skin and raced toward the door with a grin on my face.

Christian laughed at me from the couch as I rushed by him and I flipped him off with a giggle and then literally slid on the wood floor into the door before opening it up.  I opened the door laughing with Christian on the couch cracking up at me, “Hi!”

Kevin was laughing, “Did you run into the door just now?”

I shrugged and gave him a nod, “Yeah so what?”

“So utterly sexy…” he said with a grin.

“I try my best…” I said and winked at him.  I winked.  See what he did to me?  I don’t think I’d ever seriously winked at anyone in my life and suddenly there I was winking at this beautiful man on my doorstep hoping that he’d hurry up and kiss me already.  “So hey, Heartthrob…” I said looking up at his fabulous face as he grinned down at me.

“Hey…” he replied with a smirk and pulled me by my belt loops so I was standing chest to chest with him.  He then leaned down and planted a kiss on me that made my knees weak.   Thankfully he had an arm around me to keep me from melting into a puddle at his feet and when we pulled away from the kiss we were both blushing something fierce.  “I missed you…”

“Yeah…” I couldn’t keep my eyes off of him.  “I missed you too…”

Christian spoke up from the couch, “She did… she was a total pain in the ass while you were gone… Walking around moping like someone shit in her cornflakes… all sad and depressed…”  He then did his Kellie Voice, “’God Christian, I miss Kevin sooooooo much!  He’s so sexy and I just can’t wait to see him again, blah blah blah…’”

“Oh my God I did not…” I said and groaned.  “I missed you, but I didn’t do any of that… he’s just being obnoxious.”

“Wait… Christian being obnoxious?” Kevin asked with a mock shocked face.  “Seriously?”

I giggled and led Kevin into the house shutting the door behind him, “He’s got your number, Chris…”

Christian rolled his eyes, “Oh bite me…”

“No thanks…” Kevin replied with a chuckle then looked at me and raised an eyebrow, “Although you… I’d bite you…” He dipped his mouth to my neck and gave me little love bites in a spot he knew drove me wild.  He whispered against my skin and made me shiver, “Anywhere you want…”

“Good Lord, get a room…” Christian said with a chuckle.  “Have you forgotten that your MOTHER is in the kitchen?”

“Nope…” I said and giggled as Kevin continued to kiss my neck. 

“Oh that’s right… Mama knows you’re a whore…” Christian said with a snort.

“You know what, Chris?” I said turning toward him.  Kevin wrapped his arms around my waist standing behind me and rested his chin on the top of my head.  “Any other time I’d be threatening to kick your ass right now.  But today I’m happy so I’m not gunna… My mama is here, Kevin’s here, my book drops in a week, and it’s a beautiful day… you can’t piss me off…”

“Stop the presses!  The Ice Queen is thawing out!  She’s melting, she’s mellllllllting!”  Christian laughed at his own joke and I smiled.  Whenever I was being a royal bitch he called me the Ice Queen and often said that what I needed in order to “thaw out” was a good lay. 

I started to reply but a voice drifted from the kitchen that stopped me, “Christian Derek Hamilton, if you want to eat tonight you’ll stop picking on my little girl right away…”

“Yes, Mama…” Christian called out to her and made a face at me.

“Busted!” I said and stuck my tongue out at him.  Kevin laughed at us and I nodded, “Yes, we really are this immature…”  I grabbed his hand, “So are you ready to meet The Mama?”

“Definitely…” he said and grinned. 

"She’s baking…" I told him with my own grin as I led him toward the kitchen.  Vinnie had already taken "his spot" on the floor near my mother’s feet where she was standing stirring a bowl of cookie dough and she would occasionally toss him a ball of dough. "Why is it that my dog gets to eat the dough but you never let me steal any?"

My mom looked over her shoulder and smiled, "Because he’s my grandson and I’m supposed to spoil him…"

"But I’m your baby… aren’t you supposed to spoil me too?"

"Not when you’re a parent I’m not…"

She washed her hands and then turned around to face us, "So we finally meet…"

"Mama this is Kevin… Kevin, my Short Mama…" I laughed. As soon as I’d passed my mom in height I’d been calling her Short Mama. I was a good half a foot taller than her and it cracked me up that she had to look up to me.

Kevin really was taller than she was and he smiled holding his hand out to her, "It’s nice to finally meet you, ma’am…"

My mom opened her arms and pulled Kevin into a hug, "The only one who shakes hands in this family is Vinnie…" When she pulled away from the hug she reached out and took his hand in hers and patted it, "And you call me Mama okay? None of that ma’am stuff…" I chuckled and Kevin looked at me with a smile which said, "I finally understand where you get your personality from." My mom led Kevin to the kitchen table and had him sit down as she stood in front of him, "Let me get a good look at you…" I stood by smiling and sneaking cookie dough from the bowl as my mom looked Kevin over. He looked a little nervous but when he saw me watching him with a smile on my face he relaxed. She put her hand on his cheek and looked into his eyes, "They are stunning…" she said quietly and Kevin blushed.  "Beautiful face lines… let me see your hands, sweetie…" Kevin held out his hands and my mom turned them over and looked at his palms. I chuckled at the look on his face. I’d warned him that my mom was going to inspect him, but he hadn’t believed me. He did at that point though. My mom looked over his hands and ran her fingers gently over the lines in his skin, "Very nice… strong life line right here…" She pointed and Kevin looked trying to figure out what she was talking about. "Good solid lines you’ve got. Means you’ve got a strong presence. Very, very nice."

Kevin looked up at my mom and smiled, "Um… thank you…"

I popped a ball of dough in my mouth and then crossed the kitchen to sit on Kevin’s leg as I wrapped my arm around his shoulder, "She’ll have to read your palm before she goes home tomorrow… she’s pretty freaky with the stuff she can see in your hands…"

My mom smiled and went back to her cookies, "It’s time for me to read yours again too, Monkey…"

I cringed at my childhood nickname and Kevin smiled from ear to ear, "Monkey?"

"That’s right…" my mom smiled.  "You’ve never told him that story sweetie?"

"No, Mama… and I was hoping that you wouldn’t," I sighed and Kevin laughed.

"Well then we’ll have to tell him later tonight…"

"I can’t wait…" Kevin smiled.

My mom looked at me over her shoulder, "Honey, once I finish this batch of cookies we’ll have to go down to the market to get the supplies for dinner…"

"Okey dokey…" I smiled and stood up reaching my hand out to Kevin. "Come on, Heartthrob… Mama doesn’t like anyone hovering when she bakes unless it’s Vinnie."

Kevin grinned, "Anything you say, Monkey…"

When we left to go to the grocery store leaving Christian, Kevin and Vinnie behind my mother went on nonstop about what a good feeling she had about Kevin and how nice he was.  I took it with a grain of salt though thinking that perhaps her excitement wasn’t so psychic but rather it was her getting giddy about the idea of her only daughter finally hooking up with a good man instead of just hanging out with her dog all of the time.  She was really good about not begging me for grandchildren who weren’t four legged and covered in fur but I knew that not so deep down inside she had the same hopes for me that all good moms did. She wanted the big fancy wedding with a white-ish dress followed by seeing me good and knocked up so that she could spoil my skinkids just as much as she did my furkid.  Hell, even I sometimes went into that fantasy right along with her, but then I’d squash it telling myself that I was just fine with Vinnie and my sex toys.  Nevertheless, hearing her going on and on, and on about Kevin was kind of cool. 

“He’s gorgeous…” she told me as she picked out a stalk of broccoli. 

“So polite too…” while checking out the fresh mozzarella.

At the meat counter. “Very tall… Great height for you…”

“And a great ass…” as we were checking out. 

In other words, Kevin had in just a few short moments won over my mother.  If I didn’t know any better I would have been worried about her trying to steal him from me with the way she kept talking about him.  It was fun to see her so happy over something, or rather someone, who I’d brought into her life though.  On the drive back to my house where Kevin and Christian were most likely laying around like slugs in the sun with Vinnie on the deck my mom finally got managed to blurt out what she’d been so politely trying to keep in while naming all of Kevin’s great attributes in the grocery store.

“Has he been married?”

I glanced at her and then back to the road with a nod, “Yeah.  Why?”

“When I looked at his palm I saw something that peaked my interest.”

“And you waited all this time to bring it up?”I asked with a chuckle.  “I’ve gotta love the fact that you chose to talk about his ass before you brought up this peak of interest in his palm…”

“His ass is a peak of interest as well…” she said and cracked up.  I laughed with her and shook my head.  My mother was a certified nut and I certainly didn’t fall from her nutty tree.  “Anyway…” she said once she’d finished laughing at her own joke.  “I saw that he was going to have one marriage that ended in divorce and then one really strong relationship after it.”

Divorced.  That word was music to my tortured soul.  Divorced.  “Oh yeah?”

She nodded, “Yes.  I was actually a little worried because I didn’t know he was married before.  I thought maybe you were going to be the bad marriage…”

“Mama!”

“Oh I didn’t mean it like that… I mean it’s good for you that he’s already had the first marriage because that means it’s a better chance that you’re the real thing.”

Okay I’ll fully admit that when she mentioned me being Kevin’s Real Thing I got a little giddy and felt like pulling the car over to do cartwheels down the beach.  Just a little bit.  “Well that’s better…” I said and smiled.

She patted my hand, “You’ll definitely be a challenging wife some day but not bad by any means…”

I rolled my eyes, “Wow, just keep the love flowing, Ma…”

She ignored me, “You’ve never mentioned that he was married so that was a bit of a shock to see.  Do you know what happened?”

“Not really.  I knew that he was married because when I met him the first time he was engaged to the chick and when they got married it was in People magazine or something and I remember seeing it.  But I dunno… I always got the impression that they were happy.  At least when I’d see them in pictures and stuff.”

“Pictures don’t always tell the truth…”

“True…” I said and nodded. I hadn’t told my mom about the whole truth about my Kevin’s marriage dilemma because I knew she’d just tell me to buck up and ask him.  I decided that if we were all going to be in each other’s presence for the next several hours that I needed to come clean though.  “I actually haven’t asked him about her yet.  I’m kinda freaked out about it.”

“Oh Monkey…” she said and sighed that motherly sigh that she was so good at.  “Why haven’t you asked him?”

“I don’t know…” I groaned.  “I just… He’s so freaking perfect in my mind you know?  And I want him to stay that way.  I don’t want to find out that he’s still married and I’m some fling on the side and at the end of the summer when Roland comes home Kevin’s going to go back to her.  I don’t want to be a fling but I’m also fairly happy with just being perfectly in the dark.”

“Honey…”

“I know, Ma!” I said and ran my hand through my hair.  “I know.  I’m just scared to find out the truth.”

“But what if the truth is good?  Then you’ll have wasted all of this time being worried when you didn’t have to.”

I looked at her and it was like a huge light had been turned on.  What if the truth was good?  “I’m such an idiot… Do you know that in all of the time I’ve spent with Kevin not once have I really truly thought that maybe his truth was going to be something good?  Jesus…”

“You’re not an idiot, sweetheart.  You’re just someone who has had her heart broken and unfortunately when that happens it’s easier to assume that everyone else is going to break your heart too.”

“Yeah… I guess I do that a lot.”

“You do, but you’re getting better.  You’re doing a lot better with Kevin than you think.  I’ve listened to you talk about him for the past month and you have opened up to him much more than I’ve seen you do with anyone.  Especially since Sean died.”

I took that deep breath that I always seem to take when anyone mentions my brother.  That split moment to breathe and remember.  Remember that he was gone and remember what he was to me all in a split second.  “He doesn’t know about Sean yet.  I mean, he knows that I have a brother who was killed and I’ve told him little bits about who Sean was but I haven’t told him how he died yet.”

“That’s understandable, and I won’t mention it.  But just the fact that you’ve mentioned Sean to him at all and that Sean is gone is a lot more than you’ve opened up to other guys.  Kevin’s special.”

I smiled, “Yeah… he’s pretty special, and not in the Short Bus sort of way.”

My mom groaned but then laughed, “You can try to cover it up with humor all you want, Monkey.  I see how special that man is to you…”

“Yeah yeah…” I said and gave her a wink as we pulled into my driveway. 

“Whose car is that?”

“That’s exactly what I was thinking…” I said as I realized there was a new car in my driveway along with my mother’s, Christian’s and Kevin’s cars.  “I have no idea…”

“Well there’s only one way to find out… come on.”

She got out of the car and headed toward the house.  I sat for another moment looking at the car.  Florida plates, expensive luxury car… I had no fucking clue who it was or who it could be.  As I got out of the car Christian came bouncing out of the house, “I’ve been deemed Grocery Boy by Mama…” he laughed and began helping me pull bags out of the back seat.

“Uh, Chris?”

“It’s Grocery Boy…”

I looked at him and sighed, “Uh, Grocery Boy?”

“Yes?” he answered and giggled.

“Who’s here?”

“A surprise…” he said with a huge grin.

“I don’t like surprises…”

“Sure you do, now come on… stop being so paranoid and just go inside.  I’ll get the rest of the bags, it’s my duty.”  He posed in a superhero post with the bags and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Just as long as you don’t start wearing a cape…”

“Nah… the cape gets in the way of my big strong bag carrying muscles.  I could use a tiara though…”

We laughed together and walked into the house.  At first glance I walked into an empty house.  No one was in the living room and I couldn’t hear anyone in the kitchen either.  Just as I started to wonder where everyone had gone I hear laughter, and barking, from the backyard.  Christian took the bag from my hand and bumped me with his hip toward the sliding screen door that led to my deck.  “I’m going…” I sighed and he laughed then proceeded to the kitchen.

I stepped out onto the deck reminding myself that I needed to think positively instead assuming that doom was impending like I’d discussed with my mom in the car.  I also told myself that Christian wouldn’t have been so goofy and secretive if whoever was visiting my house was a bad thing.  Positive, stay positive. 

The first person I saw was Kevin which was a good thing because seeing him just made a big grin spread across my face.  He was playing fetch with Vinnie who was leaping around in the sand like a maniac.  For a moment I forgot to worry about who was visiting and I just laughed at my crazy dog.  Then as I stepped down into the sand I saw my mom standing next to someone.  It was a man, one who I’d yet to meet but recognized immediately.

“Hey!” Kevin said with a big grin when he saw me.  He crossed the sand and kissed me then wrapped his arms around me.  “How was the grocery store?”

“Fabulous…” I said with a smile.  “My mother is in love with you…”

We both laughed, “Cool… So I’m sure this is breaking all sorts of etiquette rules and stuff but I need to ask you a huge favor and see if we can add one more person on for the dinner and slumber party thing tonight.”

“Would that person be the dude over there who’s flirting with my mom?” I said and nodded toward my mother getting her flirt on with the gorgeous young man.

Kevin chuckled, “Yeah… Just after you left he called to tell me that he was over at the condo to surprise me but I wasn’t there of course and Christian said that it would be okay so I told him how to get here.  But if it’s not okay that’s fine I can just take him back to Roland’s and take a rain check on dinner.”

I shook my head, “Nonsense… he’s more than welcome here.  Now introduce me.”

Kevin gave me one of those grins that made my knees weak and he kissed me again, “Come on…”  He grabbed my hand and pulled me over to where Vinnie was now trying to get our guest to throw the ball for him. 

My mom did it instead and Vinnie galloped down the beach after the ball.  “This dog will play fetch all day long if you let him… We usually have to hide the ball from him to get him to stop.”

“My dogs are the exact same way…” he said with a smile.  “Just much, much smaller.” 

Kevin tapped on the man’s shoulder and he turned around to face us with a smile, “Ahh… You must be Kellie…”

I grinned and nodded, “That I am… and you’re AJ.”

“The one and only…” he said and chuckled.  He held his hand out to shake mine then stopped, “Wait… are you a hugger like your mom?”

Kevin and I laughed, “Yeah I am…”

AJ opened up his arms and grinned, “Well then come on…”

I hugged him with a giggle and then totally blushed looking up at him, “Nice to finally meet you.”

“And you…” he told me with a nod. 

“So I hear you want to crash our slumber party…” I said and winked at him.  Again with the winking, I was hopeless. 

“Only if it’s cool with you… Although…” he leaned in close to me and did a stage whisper, “Your Mom totally already invited me to stay.”

We all laughed and my mother wrapped her arm around AJ’s cute little waist, “I’m a sucker for a pair of pretty brown eyes…”

Kevin looked at me and smiled, “Me too…”

More blushing on my behalf.  I pushed at Kevin’s chest, “Would you stop that?”

“Nope…” he said simply with a smile.

“Anyway…” I said and looked back to AJ.  “You’re more than welcome and honestly, we have so much food that we should probably start inviting in strangers off the beach… No worries…”

AJ smiled and nodded, “Sweet.  Thanks so much.”

“You’re quite welcome…”

“Oh so guess what?” Kevin said and smiled.  “Christian and AJ already know each other.”

“What?” I laughed.  It shouldn’t have been a shock to me that Christian already knew AJ.  Christian was one of those people who could go absolutely anywhere in the world and run into someone he knew or a relative of someone he knew. 

“Yeah Roland had a party about a year ago maybe and I happened to be in the state so I came over.  Christian and Josef were there too so I met them and we all hung out for a couple of days while I was here.”

“Huh…” I said and wondered why Christian hadn’t mentioned knowing one of Kevin’s closest friends.  Knowing Christian he probably forgot all about it until AJ called Kevin that afternoon.  “Well cool then you’re almost like family…”

AJ nodded and laughed, “I suppose… When Kevin let me in earlier and Christian was sitting on the couch I was so confused but then he explained how he went to school with you.”

“Small world, huh?” my mom added with a smile.

“Totally…”

“Well, I think I’m going to go check on Grocery Boy and make sure he hasn’t hurt himself…” she laughed at her own joke again which made us all laugh too.  She looked at me, “I’ll take care of dinner, you just relax and have some fun with your guests.”

“Mama… I’m not going to let…”

She cut me off, “Yes you are.  Consider it my gift to you in celebration of your book release.  I simply won’t allow you to help with dinner tonight.”

I sighed and Kevin wrapped an arm around my shoulders, “Will you at least make Christian help you do some of it?”

She thought about it then shrugged, “He does live with a famous chef, he must have picked up some talent in the kitchen, right?”  I snorted and she rolled her eyes at me, “You are such a pervert, young lady.”

“Takes one to know one…” I said and stuck my tongue out at her.  “But yes, Christian’s not too bad of a cook, he’ll be able to help you out at least with the easy stuff.”

“Fine.  Now have some fun why don’t ya?” she said with a big grin and then turned to go back to the house. 

Vinnie followed her with his ball and I looked from Kevin to AJ then back again.  I had to smile when I looked at them and thought about my situation.  My semi-psychic mother who could read palms and tarot cards was in town and making me dinner then spending the night, my best friend was spending the night too, along with the hot guy I was lusting over and his best friend who very well might hold the key to getting more Kevin Information into the open for me.  Things were definitely looking positive.

Watching my mother interact with Kevin and AJ was a brilliant thing.  She was always a hoot and I loved watching her talk to people but there was something special about watching her with Kevin and AJ.  Of course the fact that I had one serious crush on Kevin probably had something to do with my glee.  Every time I looked at the man my heart leapt in my chest and my hormones did cartwheels.    So much for trying to be the ultimate single woman… one look at Kevin and I suddenly began to wonder if I’d had a concussion long before I met him which caused me to give up men. 

“Dude, you’re doing it again…” Christian told me with a giggle.

I rolled my eyes and shoved him, “Bite me…” 

“That’s Kevin’s job…” he said and shielded himself from the smack he knew was coming.

I sighed, “It’s not too late to un-invite you to this sleep over.”

“Oh please, you know you’d never kick me out.  Plus, I’m just pointing out the obvious…”

“And that’s precisely what’s ticking me off…” I said and couldn’t help but laugh.  Christian had been pointing out to me all afternoon every time that he caught me looking at Kevin with what he called my “Love Eyes.”  Apparently when I looked at Kevin my eyes got this special look to them and Christian couldn’t resist picking on me about it.  I knew it was all in good fun, but it was still a bit of a pain in the ass.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and gave me a sideway hug, “You know I only tease you because I love you so much… And honestly, it’s so damn cool to see you gone completely ga-ga over someone for a change.  I missed this version of you… it’s been a long damn time since Happy Flirty Lusty Kel has made a visit.”

I wrapped my arm around his waist and leaned my head on his shoulder, “Yeah…”

“Just yeah?  What, no more whining?”

“Not yet…” I said and chuckled.  Truth was, I was enjoying having Happy Flirty Lusty Kel around again too.  I was also enjoying the view as Kevin sat on my deck next to my mother smiling and laughing along with her as AJ told a very animated story about something or another.  I’d gone into the house to get us a refill on our drinks and one glimpse out of the kitchen window had stopped me in my tracks for another round of Kevin Watching, which of course Christian walked in on. 

I pulled my eyes away from Kevin and looked at Christian and whispered, “How fucking hot is he?”

Christian cackled which made me giggle and he hugged me tight, “Very, very fucking hot.”

I nodded as we broke our hug and tried to keep my eyes from looking out the window again, “AJ is adorable too… I think Mama has a crush…”

He smiled and refilled our glasses with wine, “Yes he is, and yes she does.  He’s about the right age for her…”

We both laughed.  My mother, bless her heart, had a habit of dating men who were a whole lot younger than she was but instead of it being gross, she somehow made it work.  She was totally digging AJ too.  I couldn’t blame her though, he really was adorable.  Funny, talented, sexy, well built, and tattooed… there wasn’t a whole lot we could find wrong with him.  “I suppose maybe we should warn him, huh?”

“Nah… it’ll be more fun to watch him squirm…” Christian said and giggled.   He looked out of the window and nearly spit out the swig of wine he had in his mouth, “Shit… she’s reading Kevin’s palm.”

“What?” I said and rushed to the window to see.  Indeed she’d begun looking at Kevin’s palm without Christian and me there to listen.  I pushed at Christian, “Go, go!”

We joined the rest of the group on the deck giggling like fools and I grabbed my spot next to Kevin.  My mom looked up from his palm to me and I gave her a look that said, ‘what the hell?’ and without a beat she smiled at me and then looked back to Kevin’s palm.  I put Kevin’s refilled glass off to the side of his upturned hands on the table and he smiled at me, “Should I be worried about this?”

I shook my head, “Heck no… she’s really good.”

“Now… I should mention that I really don’t know much about you so whatever I tell you is what I see in your hands or what I feel when I’m reading you.”

AJ laughed from where he was leaning against the side of the deck smoking, “Yeah right… she probably Googled you before you got here.”

I chuckled, “Not a chance…”

“She hasn’t taught me how to Google yet…” my mom said and she was totally serious.  She barely knew how to send an e-mail let alone do a search for someone online for information.  “Now hush you…” she said to AJ with a big grin.  He nodded with his own grin and saluted her with his cigarette. 

We all sat by silently while she ran her fingers over Kevin’s hands.  Although I never claimed to know as much about palmistry as my mom, I knew a few tricks of the trade and yeah I admit I checked out Kevin’s hands before to see what I could read in them.  My mom was much more practiced in the skill though and I was eager to hear what she saw in addition to what I’d seen.  After a moment she looked up at Kevin and smiled, “You have very strong lines… It means you have a strong presence.”

“That’s true…” AJ said and giggled as we all shushed him.

“You were married…” she said and ran her finger along one of the lines in his palm.  He nodded and continued to look on.  “It was a bumpy sort of relationship.  See how this line is sort of jagged then straight then jagged again?”

“Yeah…”

“That’s how your relationship was, wasn’t it?  Sort of bumpy then smoothed out for a while and then it got bad again.”

“Dude…” AJ said and finished his cigarette so he could sit at the table with us again.

Kevin looked at AJ and chuckled with a nod before looking back at my mom, “That’s exactly how it was.”

“This break in the line here, that’s your divorce… You’re under 40 right?”

“Uh huh…” the stunned look on Kevin’s face almost made me laugh out loud.

“The hand can show your age too… each finger is about a ten year span and since you’re not yet forty, that means your divorce wasn’t that long ago.”

“It’s been about seven months…” AJ told us excitedly.  I winked at him and smiled.  Again with me and the winking, I was truly hopeless.  Maybe it was the fact that I finally had concrete proof that Kevin was divorced and I was not a home wrecker, or maybe I was a dork too.

“This light area of the line is a transition period.  You’ll be starting a whole new era, so to speak, with someone new and it’s going to be a relationship like you’ve never had before.  See how strong and smooth the line becomes?  That’s the new relationship.  It’ll be exactly what your marriage should have been.”  My mom glanced up at AJ who was nodding and grinning like a fool.  She looked at the side of Kevin’s hand, “It’s hard to tell if you’re actually going to get married again or if you’re just going to spend your life with this new woman but it’s a really, really strong connection.  And… you’ll have at least one child with her.”  I’d be lying if I said my heart didn’t do a huge flip flop right then.  I knew from several past readings that my palm spoke of a really strong relationship just like the one that my mom was describing to Kevin and she also always said I’d have a child and maybe adopt one as well.  I held my breath to see if she mentioned adoption to Kevin.  She studied the child line again and pulled Kevin’s hand closer to her, “You might actually adopt a child too…”

I nearly pissed my pants.  Goosebumps spread over my arms and I tried to brush them away with my hands.  Christian made eye contact with me then knowing full well that Kevin’s palm was starting to match mine.  He mouthed the words “Love Eyes” to me which made me roll my eyes and he giggled quietly at me.  I took a long drink of my wine trying to stay calm and focused on my mom again.

“The shape and length of your fingers tell me that you’re a natural leader.  Very creative… slight temper…” she looked up at Kevin and smiled. 

He gave her a half nod, half shrug then looked at AJ, “Don’t even say it…”

AJ laughed and waved his hands in front of himself, “I didn’t say a word, temper boy.”

She held his hands in hers and concentrated to see if she got any intuitive feelings off of Kevin that couldn’t be found in the lines of his hands.  After a moment she tipped her head to the side, “Are you the oldest child in your family?”

Kevin shook his head, “Nope… the youngest actually.”

“That’s odd… I see you taking a big brother role.” 

“He’s the oldest Backstreet Boy and we’re all like brothers…” AJ piped in. 

My mom smiled and nodded, “Ahh… that makes sense then…”  She held Kevin’s hands and concentrated again.  “Don’t be afraid to move into this new part of your life, sweetie.  This new relationship that you’ll have really is going to be a good one and she’s not going to hurt you like the first one did.”  She got quiet again and I took the moment to look at Kevin.  He was looking a bit like she was freaking him out a little bit.  “This one you just divorced, she lied to you didn’t she?”

AJ got up and started to pace, “Dude…” I chuckled at him as he lit another cigarette. 

My mom smiled at AJ and looked back at Kevin, “She lied about something extremely important to you.”

“Oh my god, you are shittin’ me…” AJ again.

Kevin nodded and cleared his throat like he was a bit choked up, “Yeah she did…”

“Don’t let what she did ruin your chances for true love.  This woman who you’re going to end up with, she’s totally different from your ex wife.  She’ll always be honest with you and you’ll always know she’s being honest unlike your ex who sometimes you didn’t know whether she was telling the truth or not.  This one is the real love of your life and the things you’ve learned from your marriage are only going to make this other relationship that much stronger… as long as you don’t fight it.” 

I was going back and forth between looking at Kevin and watching AJ freak out.  The way they were reacting was proof that everything they were hearing was true.  Not that I doubted my mom’s talent but I always loved to watch the reactions of people to see how dead on she was with her visions.  Kevin wasn’t freaking out outwardly like AJ was but I could tell that my mom’s words were hitting home. She paused one more time as we all watched on and then she smiled, “That’s all I’m getting right now…”

One of Kevin’s bright smiles spread across his face and he got up to walk around the table then bent down to hug my mom.  “Thank you, so much…” he kissed her on the cheek which totally made my eyes well up with tears and he hugged her again.  “That was… amazing…”

She put her hands on his cheeks and smiled up at him, “You’re quite welcome, sweetie… Any time.”

Kevin moved back to his seat and sat down next to me.  I smiled at him, “Good huh?”

He leaned forward and kissed me gently, “Too good… she gave me goosebumps…”

I giggled and held my arm up for him to see, “Me too…”

“Me three…” AJ finished his new cigarette and sat back down plopping his hands face up on the table for my mom, “I’m next.”

One perk of living on the East shore of Florida is that occasionally I’d get to view the goings on of the folks at NASA.  The night of our sleepover NASA was launching a satellite and since neither AJ nor Kevin had ever seen a launch, we all decided to watch.  Granted, watching a launch from my mother’s home was much cooler since she was just a short drive from Cape Canaveral but the view from my place wasn’t too shabby for a first time glimpse at the space program.

After dinner had settled and we were all thoroughly stuffed we walked down the beach to a section where there weren’t any homes yet and therefore the sky seemed darker without interference from house and street lights.  We set up a happy little camp with blankets and such then waited in the dark until the launch happened. 

Kevin was very touchy feely that night which I wasn’t complaining about at all.  He’d held my hand during our walk down the beach and then once we sat down he seemed to always have some sort of contact with me whether it was his hand on my knee, his arm around my shoulders, his lips on mine, or just his leg touching mine.  Every touch sent Happy Waves through my body and I began to think that it wasn’t going to be much longer before I ended up sleeping with him because I simply wouldn’t be able to wait any longer.  I wanted him to touch me in the most intimate way possible, if you know what I mean.

I’ll admit that part of my sudden need to get into Kevin’s pants was directly related to finally knowing that he was truly divorced.  Hearing that news while my mom was reading his palm was like music to my ears.  Not that I took joy in his pain, but hearing that he was unattached meant that he could attach himself to me without any guilt.  Knowing that he was divorced was like having someone say, “Yes, you can fuck this man now…” and yet I had a house full of people so there was no way I was going to get my roll in the hay with Kevin that night.

It was just before the satellite launch when Kevin was sitting next to me holding my hand as we watched AJ and Christian playing Keep Away with Vinnie that he let me know that he had impure thoughts of his own running through his pretty head. He leaned in close to me and kissed my neck before whispering in my ear, “Do you know how bad I want you?”

I had to close my eyes temporarily as a rush of power ran straight through my body and I smiled, “I think I probably do…”

He kept alternating between kissing my neck and whispering against my skin, “I don’t think you do… I spent almost three days without kissing you or touching you and now that I’m back, I can’t even do what I want to do because we’re not alone…”

I chuckled, “I know… Sucks doesn’t it?”

“Yeah, but once they all go home tomorrow, you’re all mine, alright?”

More Happy Waves, “Deal…”  I looked at him and smiled at the look on his face.  “You look absolutely smitten, Mr. Richardson.”

“That’s because I am…”

“You sure you’re not just tipsy from all of the wine?” I teased and kissed him.

“Yeah I’m pretty sure…” he whispered against my lips before kissing me again. 

Christian plopping down onto the blanket next to me interrupted our kiss, “Two minutes til lift off, stop necking.”

AJ and my mom soon joined us on the ground and Vinnie even decided to plop himself right in the middle of us to make sure that no making out would happen during the launch.  We all small talked about assorted things for two minutes and then we saw the bright light moving across the sky.

“Shit, is that it?” AJ asked with the excitement of a little boy in his voice.

“Yup… cool huh?”

“Way cool…” he said and kept watching.  From Daytona the rocket just looked like a really bright shooting star that lasted for a really long time.  It grew higher and higher at a pretty good pace until leaving the atmosphere at which point it would disappear from our sight.  Definitely not as cool as watching a daytime shuttle launch but still cool in its own right.

While Christian was explaining what would happen once the rocket left the atmosphere I looked at Kevin as he was watching the sky.  The look on his face matched the excitement in AJ’s voice and it thrilled me.  Maybe it’s the writer in me always looking for something to put to words, but I love watching people as they experience something new and exciting.  Kevin’s eyes were glued to the sky and mine were glued to him.

Once the rocket disappeared AJ was the first to talk, “That was freaking awesome… I can’t believe I’ve lived most of my life in Florida and I’ve never seen that.”

“It’s funny how easy it is to miss what’s going on around you when you get caught up in all of the bullshit in the world…” my mom said with a smile.

“That is so true…” Christian said with a nod.  “Preach it, Mama!”

We all giggled and I added, “Well that’s why we have our little sleepovers like this… to remember what’s important and forget about the bullshit for a while.”

“Good food, friends, family, a beautiful environment, and laughter…” my mom said and reached out to put one hand on mine and another on AJ’s.  “Those are the best things in life.”

“Dude, I feel like we should sing Kumbaya or something…” AJ said with a chuckle.

“No, it’s still too early for that… the spontaneous bouts of singing happens once the marshmallows start roasting…” my mom said with a totally deadpan face. 

I tried my hardest to keep from laughing but the look on AJ’s face was too much and not only did I laugh but I snorted too which made us all laugh, “She’s kidding… well, at least about singing that song.  We do sometimes bust out into song while sitting around the fire but there aren’t any specific songs we sing.”

“So wait…” AJ said with a laugh.  “We sat around all afternoon laughing and shootin’ the shit, we stuffed our faces, had palm readings, watched a space launch, and now you’re telling me that we get a fire, marshmallows and singing too?”

I smiled and shrugged with a nod, “Yup…”

AJ looked at Kevin and chuckled, “Dude… I love this woman!”

We all laughed and started standing up to head back to my house.  Vinnie got Christian to throw the ball for him again and they ran down the beach together while somehow my mother then stole Kevin from me.  Apparently she figured that if they left the two of us to walk together we’d make it into a leisurely stroll and take too long getting back to the house.  I smiled as Kevin gave my mom his arm and she took it while talking a mile a minute to him.

I looked at AJ with a chuckle, “Walk with me?”

“Most definitely…”  He lit up a cigarette and was quiet for a moment as we walked along together and then he laughed.  “Okay I’ve got a huge confession to make since I’ve got you alone for a moment…” I gave him my frightened look and he laughed again, “No, it’s not bad… I just…” he sighed and rolled his eyes at himself.  “So when Kevin told me that he was coming to Daytona to stay for the summer my first thought was that he was going to turn into a serious hermit and just hide from the world.  He was still having some pretty serious pity parties about the divorce and I just figured he was coming here to hide for a while you know?”  I nodded and kept looking at him as he spoke.  “But then he started telling me about this chick he met down here.  Which of course turned out to be you…”  I smiled and nodded again.  “And honestly, I almost thought he was lying to me.   He kept talking about you and I kept thinking that he was making you up.  I Googled you and I even had a friend of mine who works in publishing try and find out if you really lived in Daytona.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, “You’re a really good friend…”

“Yeah I suppose, but I really should have trusted that he wasn’t lying to me.  I mean, he’s not the kind of guy to lie.  And after all of the bullshit that Kristin put him through with all of her lies, I know he wouldn’t lie to me.  But he’s my brother and I worry about him so in my worry I made up this whole idea that you weren’t real or that at least he was just making up his friendship with you.  So when I came down here today to surprise him, it wasn’t just me being spontaneous… I wanted to catch him off guard to see if he was lying to me.”

“But you didn’t…” I said and linked my arm through AJ’s.

“Thank God I didn’t…” he said and chuckled.  “I have not seen Kevin smile the way I’ve seen him smile today in a really, really long time.  And yeah, I’m sure anyone would smile around Christian and your mom because they’re just great… but I’m giving you the credit for most of those smiles.  He fucking lights up when he’s around you…”

I was glad that we were in the dark because I was totally blushing, “Well he makes me smile too…”

“Oh I know!” AJ said and squeezed my arm.  “Hell, the way you two look at each other is just amazing… I love what I see when I see the two of you together.  And I’m SO glad that I came down here today and got to meet you and really see what Kev’s been telling me all along.  Even though I totally came down here to catch him in a lie.”

“Well I’m glad you showed up too… Not only has it been really neat to see Kevin with someone who is so close to him, but meeting you and hearing you say all of this really means a great deal to me too.”

“I wouldn’t shit you… if I thought you were bad for him I would’ve not only told him but told you too.  After watching him get his heart stomped on I’m a little protective of him, you know?”

I nodded, “Sure I do… I know you guys are brothers more than friends and I was the same way with my brother.  I’m that way with Christian too…”

“Yeah that’s cool… It’s hard to explain to people how Kevin and I can be brothers without being truly blood related but I get the idea that you understand.”

“Totally…” I smiled.  “My brother was my best friend in the world.  When he was alive and Christian would hang out with us people almost always thought that he was our brother too because we were all so close.  Then when Sean, that’s my brother, when he died Christian was all I had left, you know?”  AJ nodded and I smiled at him.  “He’s my best friend but he’s totally my brother too.  When Kevin talks about you and the other guys from the group I totally understand how close he is with you because I have that with Chris.”

“How long ago did your brother die? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“Almost seven years ago… You actually remind me a lot of him.”

“Oh yeah?”

I nodded, “He was the same age as you… Same dark curly hair, dark brown eyes, tall and skinny… You’re totally like the rock star version of him.”  I chuckled and AJ laughed as well.  “Sean was pretty conservative, very into business and stuff.  But if he were ever to go rock star on us, he would have looked a lot like you.”

“Well I’m sorry I didn’t get to meet him then…” AJ said quietly.

I teared up but smiled, “Yeah me too…” I wiped at my eyes then chuckled, “Okay so I suppose I should make a confession to you too…”

“Uh oh…” AJ said and laughed.

“It’s about my mother…”

“Oh my god I’m in love with her… she’s the coolest person I’ve ever met.  Ever.”

“She is pretty amazing…” I said with a nod.  “But I should probably warn you that she likes to date younger men.  And although I’m not certain, I think she might have a little crush on you…”

“No shit?” he asked and took a drag of his cigarette. 

“Yeah… The last guy she dated was a year younger than me.  They were actually really damn cute together once I got over the fact that he was younger than me, but he moved to Europe for a job so they broke up.”

“She’s absolutely gorgeous… I mean, if I hadn’t known she was your mom I honestly wouldn’t have guessed it.”

“She was just a kid when she had me.  She was sixteen and then eighteen when she had Sean.  Hell she’s younger than Christian’s boyfriend Josef… She tires me out sometimes…” I laughed.

“Oh I bet… she’s got an amazing energy about her.”  I looked at him and nodded.  “Hey, it’s cool… I’d honored to be the aim of her crush.”

“Well like I said, I don’t know for sure but…”

“No it’s cool… I dig her, so it’s all good.”  He laughed and finished his cigarette, “Although it’s a little weird knowing that you’re her daughter and having you tell me that maybe she’s crushin’ on me.”

“What can I say?” I said with a shrug. “I’m protective over her too… I wouldn’t want her to hit on you and you get all freaked out and break her heart.”

“Oh hell no… I wouldn’t do that,” he said shaking his head.  “I’m a sucker for a beautiful woman who digs me.  And I’m also a sucker for a beautiful woman who has an enormous crush on my big brother too…”

I blushed again, “Oh cut it out with the flattery, I’ve already told you that you’re getting marshmallows out of me…”  We both giggled and made the way toward the steps to my deck where Christian and Kevin were already lighting the wood in the fire pit.  I stopped before we went up the steps and turned to AJ with a smile, “Thank you… for being honest with me and for walking with me.”

He smiled down at me and pulled me into a hug, “The pleasure was mine… Thank you as well, for being honest with me and for taking care of Kev…”

I smiled and linked my arm back with him pulling him toward the steps, “Anytime…”

AJ yawned so big that his eyes watered and I smiled across the fire at him, “If you’re ready to go to bed, AJ you can go. You’re not required to see the fire all the way through…”

“Yeah, I love you guys but I’m drunk and can’t keep my eyes open anymore…” Christian said and stood up stretching.

“Me too…” my mom said and stood up.

Kevin laughed and looked at me, “Way to clear the room, Kel…”

I stuck my tongue out at him and smiled looking at the rest of the group, “Okay, Mama has already called the room with the big bed. Which leaves the room with the twin beds to the boys. Although AJ, you should know that Chris snores like a mad man when he’s been drinking. You might actually be better off on the couch.”

Christian nodded, “It’s true… I’m a drunken snorer but Kel has the most comfortable couch in the world.”

“It’s true, it’s like sleeping in a bed…” Kevin added with a smile.

“Dude…” AJ said with another yawn. “If I can sleep on a moving tour bus I can sleep anywhere.”

Kevin laughed, “He once fell asleep in the middle of a press conference…”

AJ laughed and flipped Kevin off which only made Kevin laugh harder, “Anyway… I’ll take the couch.”

“Great…” I said and stood up. “I’ll get you blankets and stuff.” I looked at Kevin, “You going to pass out on me too?”

“I grew up on a campground… I’m a natural at waiting out a fire.”

He was so cute I could barely stand it. “Well then I’ll be back in a few… keep things under control out here, Heartthrob.”

“Yes, ma’am…”

My mom kissed Kevin on the cheek and wished him good night then we walked into the house. I followed Christian into his bedroom to get bedding for AJ. Christian began changing into his pajamas and then stopped and looked at me, “So hey… congrats.”

“What?”

“Congrats…” he said with a big grin while holding his tee shirt in his hands.

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I asked and laughed at the look on his face.

“Fucking…” he laughed and finally put his shirt on. “As in, you get to fuck Kevin now that you know you’re not his mistress…”

I cracked up and threw a pillow at him, “Smart ass…”

He walked around the bed to hug me, “You know you love me. Seriously though, I’m glad he’s not married and you finally know.”

I grinned as I hugged him back, “Thanks, babe…”

“Too bad you’re having a family sleepover tonight, huh?” he laughed.

“Yeah well… I can’t say I’m unhappy you all close to go to bed at the same time…” I giggled and wiggled my eyebrows at him.

He laughed, “You whore…” He kissed my cheek and then patted my ass, “Have fun!”

“Oh I plan on it…” I said with a grin and left him to his pajamas.

I delivered AJ’s bedding to him, grabbed sweatshirts for both Kevin and I to put on, and gave my mom and Vinnie a big squeeze before heading back outside to Kevin. He smiled up at me from his seat as he poked the wood in the fire with a stick and I melted a little. I loved his smile. “Hey, Camper…”

“Hey, Heartthrob…” I said with my own smile and tossed his sweatshirt to him. “The kids are all in bed. Wanna make out?”

He laughed and put his fire poker down and reached out to pull me down onto the seat with him, “Hell yeah…” He leaned in toward me and planted a thorough kiss on me that left me trembling and out of breath. He then rested his forehead against mine and whispered, “I’ve wanted to do that all day…”

I smiled then wrapped my arms around him, “That was nice…” I snuggled up to him and put my head against his chest looking at the fire. He circled his arms around me and kissed the top of my head. “Have I mentioned that you’re a fantastic cuddler?”

He laughed, “I don’t think cuddler is a word.”

“Sure it is, it’s Kel-speak.”

“Oh…” he said laughing. “Well in that case, no… I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned it.”

“You are…” I said with a contented sigh. “And you’re cute too…” We both laughed and I picked my head up to look at him. “Today was a great day. I’m so glad you got to be a part of it. And AJ too…”

“Same here…” he said and nodded. “I love your mom and dinner was amazing. Plus the satellite launch and the fire…”

“Christian singing bad off key versions of Backstreet songs…” I added with a giggle.

Kevin laughed, “That too…”

“The marshmallow that got stuck in AJ’s hair…”

Kevin laughed harder, “He’ll never live that one down…”

I smiled and put my hand on Kevin’s cheek looking into those amazing green eyes of his, “He’s really, really sweet. I’m glad he showed up and I got to meet him. I like seeing you around him, you’re different with him.”

“I am?”

“Yeah…” I nodded. “Just a touch… You’ve got that big brother vibe around him and you’re a little goofier around him too. It’s very cute.”

“I’m proud of him… he’s come a really long way over the years. Both professionally and personally. He’s been sober for six years now and he’s so much better off.”

“That’s cool… I was worried at first that it might bother him if we were all drinking wine but he told me that he was okay with it and he really seemed like he was.”

“Oh he would have told you if he wasn’t… he has his days when he can’t be around it, but a lot of the time now he’s okay.”

“I love the relationship you two have… it feels a lot like what my brother and I had.”

Kevin kissed me on the lips gently then pulled back, “You’re going to have to tell me more about him sometime…”

I nodded, “I will… When we were walking back here tonight after the launch I realized talking to AJ that he really reminds me of Sean. In a total rock star sort of way…” I smiled and Kevin in turn smiled watching me. “Did you really grow up on a campground?”

He nodded, “Yeah… my parents ran a camp for a lot of my childhood.”

“That’s cool… I always loved camp.”

“It got annoying at times but I did love it. The smell of bug spray and a campfire always takes me back to good times…” he said and chuckled.

“I feel like I’ve learned so many things about you today…”

“Hell the palm reading alone was quite a lesson I’m sure…”

I laughed, “She’s amazing isn’t she?”

“Spooky, but in a very cool way. Watching AJ flip out was hilarious. Your mom was dead on when she talked about my marriage though, it was weird.”

“I don’t know how she does it. I mean, I pick up on things here and there sometimes and my intuition is usually pretty spot on, but I can’t hold someone’s hand and just get a whole image like she does. I hope she didn’t embarrass you by talking about your ex.”

He shook his head, “Not at all… Plus everything she said was the truth. Kristin really did a number on me. She lied to me about something that was really important to me and she knew how bad it would hurt me but she kept doing it anyway.” There was still anger and pain in his voice when he spoke about her. I wanted to make that pain go away. “I know I haven’t really talked about it all with you… I guess I just sort of wanted to ignore it.”

“That makes sense…” I said and nodded. I took his hands in mine and smiled looking down at them, “I have to admit though, it was driving me nuts not knowing if you were separated or divorced or what…” I laughed and looked at him timidly.

“You could have asked…” he said grinning at me.

“Yeah but that would have been too easy…”

“True… and I know how you like to embellish things in your head like creating my Superman pajama ensemble.” We both laughed and he tipped my chin up toward him with his finger so I’d look at him. My heart skipped a beat every time he looked at me the way he did just then. I wanted to wrap myself up in him and never move again.

“Can I tell you something?”

He nodded and leaned in close to me so that when he spoke his breath was trailing over my lips, “Definitely…”

I paused to let the rush of warm fuzzies spread over my body and then kissed him before talking again, this time practically whispering against his lips. “I’m sorry that she broke your heart… But I’m really, really glad you’re here with me.”

When I woke up the next morning I was so comfortably wrapped up in Kevin’s body that I almost opted to skip my morning ritual of watching the sun rise.  We’d waited out the fire until it had lost most of its heat and we’d worked up our own heat by making out like teenagers.  It was like when I was with Kevin I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.  Like I had to try and touch every inch of his skin all at once, which of course is pretty much impossible to do despite my attempts.  I was head over heels crazy in lust with the man and it showed.

Despite the urge to stay wrapped up in Kevin and go back to sleep, I couldn’t resist the idea of coffee and a perfect excuse to put Kevin’s sweatshirt on so I rolled out of bed quietly.  After picking up Kevin’s sweatshirt from the floor and sliding it on over my pajamas I made a quick pit stop in the bathroom and then headed to the kitchen, the smell of coffee happily filling my nose. 

I opened the fridge and looked at my rather obnoxious collection of flavored creamers and paused to consider which the flavor of the day would be.  Settling for my newest favorite I grabbed it and let the door of the fridge close while I moved to the cupboard that held my six point two million coffee mugs.  I’ll admit it; I collect coffee mugs, okay?

I chose a mug that simply said “Novelist’s Fuel” on it and closed the cupboard only to realize that I was no longer alone in the kitchen.  I almost dropped my mug to its destruction on the floor as I jumped and tried not to scream.  “Jesus Christ…”

AJ laughed and held his hands out in front of his body, “I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to scare you.”

I held the mug to my sweatshirt covered chest taking deep breaths, “Holy shit, AJ…”  I set the mug down with a trembling hand and then laughed, “Make more noise next time okay?”

He made a cross over his heart and smiled, “Promise.”  He looked around the barely lit kitchen and rubbed his hand over his messy hair, “Tell me something, though?”

“Sure…” I nodded and poured the perfect amount of creamer into my mug then followed it with coffee.

“Why the hell are you drinking coffee in the middle of the night?”

I smiled and took a long sigh-producing sip of the coffee before leaning against the counter, “It’s not the middle of the night anymore, it’s just before sunrise and I’m drinking coffee so I can go watch it.”

“Watch what?”

“The sunrise…”

“Oh…” he said skeptically and stretched.  “Weird.”

“Have you ever seen a sunrise over the Atlantic?”

“Can’t say that I have…” he told me shaking his head.  “Seriously, what time is it?”

“Very early…” I chuckled.  “Coffee?”

He stood there looking like he was seriously confused and maybe not quite awake.  I tried not to laugh at him.  “Got creamer?”

I giggled then and opened the fridge, “French Vanilla, Crème Brule, Chocolate, Blueberry Cheesecake, Hazelnut, and…” I said as I pointed to the bottle on the counter, “Raspberry Truffle…”

He laughed, “Holy shit…”

I shrugged, “I’ve got milk too if you’re into just plain milk and sugar.”  I made a disgusted face that he smiled at. 

“I’ll uh…” he looked at the creamer factory in my fridge door and made a thoughtful face.  “I’ll try the Raspberry Truffle I guess…”

I sighed happily, “It’s heaven…”  I let the fridge close again and then opened the mug cupboard again and considered the mugs.  “Now to pick the perfect mug for our resident rock star…”  AJ chuckled and stood next to me as I looked over the mugs.  “I could be a smartass and pick the pink one that says Princess…”  We both laughed.  “But…” I said and moved a few mugs around looking for one in particular.  “This one is better…” I told him with a grin as I held a mug out to him.  It was a black mug with a photo of Animal from the Muppets on it.  He was holding his hands up in that “rock on” hand position that people do and then under it were the words rock on.  I’d gotten it on one of my many trips to Disney, I was a sucker for all things Disney and Muppets.

AJ smiled a huge grin and graciously accepted the mug, “Perfect…”

“Meet me out on the deck, okay?” I said and when he nodded while preparing his coffee I smiled and walked into the living room.  I unlocked Vinnie’s dog door so that when he woke up he could let himself out and then I stepped out onto the deck and took my favorite seat in the double Adirondack chair.  I inhaled the fresh scent of the morning and smiled before taking another drink of my coffee.  Moments later AJ joined me with his own hoodie covering his arms.  I patted the open spot next to me and he sat down with a smile.

“So why exactly are we watching the sun rise?” he asked and set his mug on the arm of the chair.

“It’s a habit of mine…” I said with a shrug.  It was freaking me out just a little bit how much AJ reminded me of Sean.  Their eyes were similar and something in AJ’s voice sounded just like Sean, or at least what I thought I remembered him sounding like.  “Don’t worry, afterward we can go back to sleep until my mom wakes up and fills the house with the smell of French toast.”

AJ groaned happily, “She can cook for me any day…” I chuckled and nodded.  “Do you cook like her?”

I shrugged again, “I can… Some of her specialties I can’t get right just yet but I’m pretty good, I guess.”

“I suck at cooking…” AJ said and laughed at himself.  “Kevin’s pretty good with a grill though. He’s always the one in charge of Backstreet Cookouts…”

“That’s good to know…” I said with a smile.  We sat in silence for a moment then I looked at him, “You sleep okay?”

“Like a baby…” he told me.  “Your couch really is like sleeping in a bed…”

“Best couch I’ve ever had…” I said and nodded.

“I love your house… it’s like being in a Pottery Barn catalogue or what’s that other one?” He paused and I smiled watching him think.  “Robb & Stuckey…”

“I love Robb & Stuckey…” I said and sighed.  “I should be a stockholder there by now, I shop there so much.”

“I’ve never bought anything there, but whenever I’m in Florida and I see the commercials I always think about going there…”

“I’ll give you a catalogue… I have a bunch of them.”  I explained to AJ about the no talking while the run was rising rule and we sat silently watching the sun come up.  When it was over I looked at him and grinned.

He smiled right back at me, “Very nice… thanks for sharing it with me.”

“You’re welcome… thanks for scaring the shit out of me and almost making me break my favorite mug…” I laughed and he did too.  “So, where do you live?”

“LA…” he said and reached into the pocket of his hoodie.  “Do you mind if I smoke?”  I shook my head, “I can get up and move away if you want…”

“No it’s fine…” I said and leaned my head back against the chair looking up at the sky.

“Cool…” he said and lit up his cigarette then mirrored my position putting his own head back to look up.  “Why’d you ask?”

“Just wondered…” I said and watched a cloud above us as its shape morphed.  “It figures though… I meet someone who is cool who I could easily see myself being friends with because he doesn’t call me crazy when I ask him to watch the sun rise with me, and it turns out he lives on the other side of the damn country.”

AJ chuckled, “Don’t you ever come out to LA?”

I shrugged and rolled my eyes, “I hate LA.  I can’t stand it out there.”

“But you must have to visit occasionally right?  Surely you have book stuff that you do out there…”

“Yeah…” I said and he laughed at my disgusted tone of voice. 

“Well now that you know me when you’re in LA you’ll not only have someone to have dinner with but you can even hang out at my place…”

I smiled and rolled my head to the side to look at him, “Thank you.  You’re welcome here anytime as well…”

“Thank you…” he said and smiled. 

“Didn’t you used to live here?  I seem to recall watching you years ago on Cribs living in some huge house in Orlando.”

“Yeah I had a house here for a long time…”

“And then you moved to LA…” I said and groaned but smiled. 

“True but you know what?” he said with a grin.  I shrugged and he smiled a little brighter, “I’m going to be in New York while you’re there next week…”

“Shut up!” I said with a smile as I smacked him in the arm.  “Really?”

He rubbed his arm and laughed, “Yeah, it dawned on me yesterday when Christian was talking about you two going up there for your book release.  I’ve got this charity event to go to.”

“How long will you be there?”

“Four days or so… I dunno.”

“Do you know what would be fabulous?”

“If you’d be my date to the event so I don’t look like a loser?”

I chuckled and blushed, “You don’t have a date?”

“Nope… Wanna go?  There will be a bunch of famous people there…”

“None as famous as you, I’m sure…”

He rolled his eyes, “Seriously though, the ticket is yours if you wanna.  It’s an ASPCA thing, I figure you love animals too…”

I nodded, “I do… Do you know what night it is?”

“Thursday…”

I thought about my New York schedule, “I actually have that night off.”

“Oh yeah?” he said with excitement in his voice that I couldn’t help but smile at.  “So do you want to go?”

“Yeah…” I said with a nod and big grin.

“Sweet…” he said and took another drag of his cigarette.  “Now I can tease Kevin that I’m taking his woman on a date…”  We both laughed again.  “But hey, I cut you off… what were you going to say would be fabulous?”

“You should stay with us in New York… Josef has this amazing place right in the City and there’s plenty of room.”

“Nah… it’s cool I don’t need to impose.”

I rolled my eyes, “It’s not imposing if you’re invited.  Seriously, you should…”

“How can you invite me somewhere that doesn’t belong to you?”

I laughed, “Christian and I share everything and he shares everything with Josef.  I invite people to stay with me there all the time.  They’re totally cool with it and I’m sure Christian would run around like a kid on a sugar high if he knew you were going to stay with us…”  AJ chuckled and looked at me like he was trying to figure out if I was shitting him or not.  “If it makes you feel better…” I said and put my hand on his arm, “When Chris wakes up later we’ll officially ask his permission…”

“Okay, if we ask him then I’ll consider it…”

I grinned and took a drink of my coffee before putting my head back against the chair.  “Chris and I tend to regress into crazy college students again when we’re in the City.  It’s fun… we hit all of our old hang outs and make fun of the students.” 

AJ chuckled listening to me talk.  I told him about the assorted things I would have to do for my book release week while in New York and he asked me all sorts of questions about being a writer.  When I sighed talking about having to be on television he looked at me with a curious look, “What’s the sigh for?”

I kept my eyes on the clouds up above picking out shapes and shrugged, “I’m writer, I’m not supposed to be on television.”

“But you’re a natural conversationalist… I’m sure you’re amazing in interviews.”  I shot him a look and he laughed, “That’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.”

“It’s really not as bad as I make it out to be…” I admitted.  “It’s just hard being in New York sometimes.”

“How come?”  I sighed again without even knowing it and he bumped my arm with his, “Spill it…”

I looked at him and smiled.  Those eyes that reminded me so much of Sean stared at me and my own eyes welled up.  I tried to fight the tears by looking back up at the sky but it only made the tears fall down my cheeks.  I wiped at them and shook my head, “My brother was killed there.”

“Oh geesh…” he said and put his hand on my knee.  “I didn’t know he was killed… I guess I just assumed he was sick or something.  Shit, Kel, I’m sorry…”

I nodded and put my hand on top of his.  “I love New York… Living there was amazing and I have all of these great memories up there like being with Christian in school and all of the time I spent with Sean there.  So when I’m up there it all comes back to me and it’s great, but it also brings back his death and the fact that he’s gone.  I’m usually okay after the first day or so but when I first get there I’m always a little…” I paused looking for the right word.  “Emotional…”

“That sucks… but Christian will be with you, right?”

“Yeah… he’s pretty much required by law to be with me when I have to go to New York…” I said and smiled. 

“What about Kev?  He’s going to go up too, right?”

I sighed again, “I don’t know…”

He laughed, “Why not?”

“We haven’t talked about it…” I mumbled which only made AJ laugh. 

“Do you want him there?”

“When he was in Kentucky over the weekend, I was miserable,” I admitted sheepishly.  “It was like two and a half days and I could barely stand it.  A week and a half without him might kill me…”

“You’ve got it bad…” AJ said with an approving smile.

“You know how sometimes if you put a magnet next to another magnet they push against each other and you can’t make them stick?  But then other times you try to put two magnets together and instead of them pushing apart they have this force field pulling them together and it’s hard to keep them apart?”

“Sure…”

“Well when I’m with Kevin it’s like I can’t be around him enough, I can’t get enough of him.  Our magnets match.  I’m pulled to him by this invisible force field and when I’m not with him I can still feel the tug…”  AJ smiled and shook his head.  “What?”

“I’m just thinking that I seriously need to read your books.”

“What?” I asked and laughed. 

“If you write anything like you talk, I’m going to love reading your books.”  I groaned but he kept talking, “I’m serious… you just made this totally cool picture appear in my head about you and Kev being like magnets.  I love the way you put together words.”

“Whatever… just do me a favor and don’t buy my books.  Borrow them from Kevin, he’s insisted on buying them all.  Or, I have extra copies, I can give them to you.”

“Cool… and I’ll give you Backstreet CD’s so that you can study up.”

I laughed and rolled my eyes, “Bite me.”

“Whatever…” he said and laughed.  He’d found out the night before courtesy of Christian about my former love of Justin Timberlake and all things N’Sync.  AJ had then teased me unmercifully about it for the rest of the night. “Seriously though… talk to him.  I’m sure he’d love to go to New York with you.  If you can feel that tug when he’s not around I’m sure he can too.”

I tipped my head and rested it on AJ’s shoulder, “I hope so…”

“He does… trust me.”

I picked my head up and looked at AJ with a smile, “If Kevin goes to New York with me, what happens when it’s time for me to go to the charity event with you?”

“Easy…” he said and shrugged.  “He can go with Christian.”

Kevin walked out of the bathroom that was attached to my bedroom wearing only a towel.  I caught sight of him as I was just finishing up getting dressed and had to stop in my tracks.  I sighed and shook my head, “My god you look good wet…”

A slow grin slid across his face and he crossed the short distance to stand before me.  I looked up at his beautiful face.  His freshly shampooed hair left small drops of water dripping down his face to his neck then his chest and down his fabulous tummy.  He leaned his face toward mine and kissed me. 

My head swam as it usually did when Kevin kissed me, was near me, looked at me, or just breathed my air.  I stepped back from him, “No one should look that good in just a towel…”

“I could take it off…” he said with a smirk and moved a hand toward the spot where the towel was twisted together and tucked in keeping it hanging low around his waist.

“Don’t you dare…” I said and covered my face. 

He laughed a laugh that only a guy can laugh.  That one that with just a throaty sound says Yeah you want me and I know it…  He pulled my hands from my face with a grin, “Why not?”

“Because we have guests in the house and I already put breakfast in the oven…”

“You’d choose breakfast over me?” he teased.

“You’ve never had my stuffed French toast before…” I said with a smile then watched a drop of water making the trip down his chest toward his treasure trail.  I wanted to lick that drop of water and the skin beneath it.  I closed my eyes, “Fresh French bread, stuffed with cream cheese and raspberries then dipped in a mixture of eggs and cinnamon and topped with…”  Kevin’s mouth found my neck and made me stutter momentarily.  “… a mixture of sugar and oatmeal and…” I sighed and somehow found the strength to push him away again.  “You’re evil… get dressed.” 

He laughed that laugh again and it made my insides swoon.  He turned to dig through his bag for clothes and I plopped myself on my bed.  I closed my eyes and threw my arm over my face.  I would not look at him while he got dressed.  At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

“I have a question for you…” I finally said, still hiding my face from any Kevin Watching that would lead to us getting naked.

“Alright…”

“What are you going to do while I’m in New York next week?”

“Probably go blind and get really hairy palms…” he said and laughed at his own joke. 

I laughed too and dropped my arm back to my side but kept my eyes closed.  “You’re gross…”

“Hey, you asked…” he said still laughing.

I shook my head, “If my eyes weren’t closed, I’d be rolling them at you right now…” I giggled.

“You can open them again, I’m fully clothed, and I have to show you something.”

I kept my eyes closed, “I don’t trust you… you’re probably standing there naked.”

“It’s tempting, but really… I’m dressed.”

I opened one eye and lifted my head to look at him.  What I saw cracked me up and I opened my other eye.  Kevin was wearing a black tee shirt with the Superman logo on the chest.  “Oh my god…”

“I got it in Kentucky.  I was going to put it on last night as my pajamas but then we sort of skipped the pajamas so…” he grinned and struck a superhero pose for me. “How is it?”

“It’s fantastic…” I said with a huge grin on my face.   “I love it, now we’ve just gotta get the fuzzy slippers.”

He crawled on the bed and lay next to me on his stomach smiling, “So… back to your question.”

I nodded while looking at him, “Yeah…”  He watched at me and I rolled my eyes, “You’re going to make me ask aren’t you?”

“Yup…”

If his eyes didn’t twinkle when he smiled I may have been able to whine and pout but instead I swooned and took a deep breath.  “Wanna be my groupie in New York?”

He laughed and the sound made my heart smile, “Your groupie?  That’s not one I’ve ever been before… I’ve had groupies, but I’ve never been one.”

“Well I’ve never had one so we’re even…”

“Can I stand outside of your hotel and scream when you come out then beg you for an autograph and flirt with you until you agree to take me back to your room and have your way with me?”

I chuckled, “Yeah all of that except the hotel… I’m not staying in a hotel, Josef’s got a place in the city.”

“Cool…” he said with a nod.  “You know… true groupies generally get sex.”

“Yeah, and?”

“Will I be your true groupie?” The smirk that was on his face just about killed me.  I almost ripped his clothes off right then and there.  Almost.

“Only if you tell me that my stuffed French Toast is the best you’ve ever had…” I said with my own smirk.

He got up off of the bed and pulled me to my feet by my hand so fast that I had to grab his waist to avoid falling over, “Breakfast time!”

I cracked up and he chuckled at me as he wrapped his arms around my waist.  I looked up at him, “You’ve gotta kiss me again before we go out there… Make it good… Consider it your groupie audition.”

It wasn’t as if he needed any motivation to be a good kisser, Kevin ran circles around anyone who’d ever kissed me before, but he laid one on me right then that literally made my knees weak.  When he pulled his mouth away I kept my eyes closed and put my head against his chest.  I could hear his heart and it was beating as rapidly as mine was.  He kissed the top of my head then lay his cheek against my head, “How’d I do?”

“Oh you definitely got the job…”  I looked up at him with a grin and unwrapped myself from his arms then led him by the hand to the kitchen.

AJ, Christian, and my mom were all up and in kitchen when Kevin and I joined them.  “Good morning, again…” I said as I passed AJ and ran my hand across his shoulder.  He was sitting at my kitchen table using my laptop.

“Hey… morning… Christian said it would be okay if I used your laptop, is it cool?”

“Of course…” I said over my shoulder as I poured myself a fresh mug of coffee.  I kissed my mom on the cheek as she checked the oven to make sure my French toast was baking okay.  “Morning, Mama…”

“Morning, Monkey…” She looked at Kevin with a big grin, “Morning, sweetheart…”

He gave her a hug and kissed her cheek, it made my heart happy to watch.  I sat down in the chair next to Christian.  I made a kissy face at him and he leaned in and kissed me.  “Morning, Boo…”

 “Morning…” he said and took a sip out of my coffee. 

“Dude… get your own…” I said and took my mug from him.

“I had my own but it’s gone and I’m too tired to get up and get more,” he told me with a chuckle.

“You’re such a nerd…” I said and I caught AJ chuckling from behind my laptop.  I shot him a look and he smiled.  “So did you ask?”

“I did…” he said with a smile.  “Did you?”

I grinned, “Yeah…”

“Good…” he told me with a nod. 

I looked at Christian, “So did you piddle on the floor when you found out that I’d asked AJ to stay with us?”

“Just a little bit…” Christian said with a smile.

I laughed and looked at AJ, “Did he let out one of those hopelessly teenage girl squees?”

AJ nodded, “Pretty much…”

“Oh shut up…” Christian laughed.  “I’m channel my inner queen when I‘m excited, okay?”

Even Kevin laughed at that one and he finally sat down at the table with us holding his own coffee.  AJ laughed too and then looked at me again, “Oh hey, I checked my e-mail to double check the date of that dinner and it is on Thursday…”

“Oh cool… then it’s perfect.  I suppose I have to wear something fancy, huh?”

“Yeah it’s a black tie kind of thing, I’ve gotta wear a tux,” he said and rolled his eyes.

“Sweet, I get to pretend to be a real girl!”

Kevin looked between AJ and me then looked at Christian, “What the hell are they talking about?”

“They have a date…”

Kevin looked at me, “What?”  He then looked at AJ, “What?”

I cracked up, “AJ’s going to be in New York next week too… He’s taking me to a fancy ASPCA fundraiser and he’s staying with us at Josef’s.”

Kevin shook his head as if to clear it, “When did all of this happen?”

I patted Kevin’s confused cheek with my hand, “AJ and I watched the sun rise this morning and he asked me to go with him to the fundraiser.”

“You got up for the sunrise today?”

“Of course…” I smiled into my mug and then took a drink.

“I totally slept through it…”

“Yup…” I chuckled.  “But AJ got up and we had a very lovely morning together.”

AJ nodded, “We did…”

Christian yawned, “Don’t worry, Kev.  I slept through it too and so did Mama and the Vin.”

As if on cue Vinnie came into the house through his dog door and trotted into the kitchen.  He came to me and nuzzled his head into my hands for my morning itch behind his ears.  I said hello to him and he grunted a doggie hello back at me.  “So because I slept through the sunrise you made a date with my little brother?”

“You snooze you lose, Kev…” AJ said with a chuckle as he typed something on the laptop.

I chuckled at Kevin rolling his eyes at AJ with a smile.  “Wait a minute… the ASPCA Fur Ball?”

AJ shrugged with his eyes still on the computer screen, “It’s something like that… stupid name.”

“I think I have tickets to that…” Kevin said and laughed.

AJ looked at me and laughed, “He really can take Christian…”

“Ooh double date!” Christian said and giggled before getting up to finally refill his coffee mug.  “Can I get a fancy dress with Kel?”

I looked at Kevin and shook my head, “Don’t even say yes as a joke, he’ll do it…”

Kevin smiled then looked at Christian, “No…”

Christian giggled as he turned back toward us from the coffee pot, “Will you at least hold my hand?”

“No.”

“Put out at the end of the night?”

“Not with you…” Kevin said and chuckled.  When my mom laughed heartily at that Kevin blushed three shades of red and covered his face.  I laughed and kissed his temple as I got up to take our breakfast out of the oven.

I ordered my mom to sit down as I began to prepare plates for everyone.  She sat down next to AJ and Vinnie settled at her feet.  He was a Mama’s Boy by all means but when my mom was in town she was the Mama that he obsessed over and I was chopped liver.  I served Kevin and Christian first as they were on the side of the table closest to me.  When I went back to dish up food for the rest of us AJ spoke up talking over the screen of my laptop.

“Dude… Every single time the paparazzi take my picture lately I look like a fucking dweeb…”

Everyone laughed and my mom leaned over to look at the screen, “Oh you do not…”

“Look at this one…” he said and clicked around to another picture.

“Okay yeah… that one is dweebish,” she admitted with a grin.  I giggled as I returned to the table with the remaining three plates.  “How are you finding those pictures?”

“I Googled myself…”

“AJ… not at the breakfast table!” I teased and we all laughed.

He shot me a smile and then looked back to the screen.  My mom was still looking at the screen as well, “So Google is for celebrities?” 

“Oh hell no… you can Google anyone…” AJ said looking at my mom.  I watched them interact and had to admit they’d be a damn cute couple if they ever decided to go there.  AJ looked back to the computer, “Let’s do you… do you typically go by Mel or Melody?”

“Mel, I guess…” She looked at me, “What do you think, Monkey?”

“Probably Mel…” I nodded, fully amused at my mom finally learning how to Google.

AJ typed in my mom’s name and did a search.  He smiled, “There you are…”

“Oh my goodness…” she said, her excitement quite clear in her voice.  “That’s when Kel was on Oprah…”

“Very cool…” AJ said with a smile. 

“Do Kellie…” she said and motioned to the screen with her hand.

I rolled my eyes, “Your breakfast is getting cold, Ma…”

“Oh hush…” she said and watched over AJ’s shoulder.  After a second she grinned, “Look at how beautiful my baby is…”

“Very…” AJ said and then winked at me. 

I blushed and tried to ignore him instead focusing on my breakfast.  Kevin leaned over and kissed my cheek then whispered in my ear, “Truly the best French toast I’ve ever had…”

I couldn’t help but smile, “Like you’d say anything else…”

He shrugged and smiled, “Yeah well…”

My mom’s voice pulled me away from looking at Kevin, “Ooh look it’s Kevin and Kel together…”

That got Kevin’s attention too, “What?”

“Oh geesh…” AJ groaned and read from the screen, “Former Backstreet Boy Kevin Richardson is shown here canoodling with Author Kellie Johnson of Lake Pleasanton fame in Daytona Beach, Florida.  What we want to know is if Mrs. Richardson is aware of what her husband is up to…”

Kevin sighed and shook his head, “Where’s it from?”

“Pop Daily…”

My mom was clearly reading the comments under the picture because he face went from amused to ticked off in record time, “Oh my god… how in the world are these people allowed to say those things?”

“People register as users of the site and then they can comment on pictures and articles all they want.”

“Pop Daily is trash…” I said shaking my head.  I wanted to get up and see what the PD Kids were saying about me and Kevin but I knew better than to look.  Looking only made me mad. 

“Amen to that…” Kevin said and put his hand on my knee squeezing gently.

“But it’s all lies… I mean some girl here is saying that Kellie likes to fool around with married men…” My mom looked at me, “You’ve never dated a married man before…”

“I know, Mama… Like I said, PD is trash.  They don’t care if what people say on their site is true or not.  Don’t worry about.”

“Seriously…” Kevin said and looked across the table to AJ.  “Leave it be…”

Something in Kevin’s voice commanded attention and AJ responded immediately.  Years of AJ being the little brother to Kevin showed right then.  “No problem…” AJ quickly shut down the site and then logged off of the computer shutting it down.  Watching AJ respond to Kevin so quickly was impressive, there was so much respect there.  I smiled at AJ as he replaced the laptop with his breakfast plate.   He looked at me and smiled back, “It was a good picture…” he said quietly.  “I saved it to your desktop…”

I chuckled and Kevin did too, “Thanks…”

AJ nodded, “It’s cool…”  He then looked at Christian with a grin, “I will personally donate an extra grand if you show up in a ball gown.”

Kevin had this way of always touching me when I was talking. Usually he’d have his hand on my knee, sometimes my thigh, but even if we were separated by a table, he’d reach across and touch my fingers with his, letting me know that he was there and he was listening. Oh and the eye contact, he was wonderful with eye contact. I read something once where the key to a good conversation is stopping long enough to really see what color someone’s eyes are. I could describe every speck of color in his eyes in great detail.

Of course the problem with Kevin being so touchy feely was that it made it damn hard for me to ignore him.  Generally I didn’t want to ignore him; in fact usually I wanted nothing more than to be all about him and all over him as much as possible.  But when everyone finally left my house after the sleepover and I found myself alone with Kevin I started to freak out.  I’d wanted him so bad for what seemed like so long, despite the fact that we’d only known each other a month, that when faced with the fact that I finally had him to myself I didn’t know what to do.

I busied myself with cleaning up random dishes that were left around the living room and feeding Vinnie even though he didn’t need to be fed, I made calls that really didn’t need to be made and I pretty much did everything I could to avoid having to look at Kevin.  I knew that if he caught me with those eyes of his that I wouldn’t be able to turn away.

When I’d ignored him enough and he got sick of watching me move around the house from one useless task to another he reached out with one arm and hooked me around the waist stopping me in my tracks as he pulled me to his chest.  He looked down at me with one of those looks that shot right through me and then he kissed me.  Our lips parted and we were both breathless.  I suddenly felt stupid for having tried to ignore him for so long.  I pressed my forehead to the bend in his neck closing my eyes and wrapped my arms tight around him.  He mirrored me wrapping his arms around me and holding me as close as possible while bending his neck to place kisses on my shoulder. 

I could have stayed wrapped up in Kevin’s arms like that forever.  I would have been perfectly happy with never again writing another book and instead just snuggling with the awesomeness of Kevin for the rest of my life. Of course, Vinnie would have eventually interrupted when he’d run out of food or simply needed his daily belly rub, but my point is that I was damn happy with Kevin holding me.  Damn happy.

“Wanna tell me what’s got you so nervous?” he whispered against my skin.

I smiled against his neck and pulled back enough to look up at him, “You…”

“Me?” he asked and laughed.  “Why me?”

I shook my head, “It’s crazy…”

He pulled me to the couch and sat down tugging me by the hand to sit with him, “Tell me…”

I focused on the dark green rim around his eyes then had to look down at my hands so not to get lost in the pretty that was Kevin’s eyes.  “You ever want something so bad that once you finally get it you don’t know what to do?  Like you’re almost scared because you finally have it and you don’t want to fuck it up…”

He nodded and pushed one of my curls behind my ear, “I guess…”

“Yeah well… you’re that thing that I want.”

He smiled, “You have me.”

“I know…” I sighed.  He laughed at my sigh and I rolled my eyes.  “I’ve wanted you more than I can put into words for the past month… and that’s saying a lot since I’m a writer…”  I laughed at my own joke and he chuckled.  “But Kevin…”  I sighed again.  “I know now that I can have you without worrying that you’re still married or I’m some whore on the side.  You’re sitting right here in front of me and I’m so freaking crazy about you but I’m scared to touch you.  Scared to make the next step.  Scared of totally blowing it.”

“You won’t blow it…” he said gently.  His hands covered mine in my lap and he squeezed them.

“You don’t know that…” I said in a near whisper looking at his hands covering mine.  “I’m not so good at this.  It’s been a long time.”

“It’s been a while for me too, you know?” he said dipping his head to try and make eye contact with me. 

“I’m totally falling for you, Kev…” I said so quietly that I began to wonder if I’d actually said it out loud.  I looked up at him and he smiled again, one of those brilliantly bright smiles that made my heart do jumping jacks. 

“Do you have any idea how far gone over you I am?”  My heart caught in my throat and I shrugged.  “Further gone than I’ve been over anyone… including my ex wife.”  That was big.  It was huge.  I wanted to jump up and down screaming, “He likes me!   He really likes me!” and I also sort of wanted to cry.  This was brand new territory for me and I was at a major loss for words.  “Kellie I came to Florida to hide.  I came down here thinking that I’d hide out at Roland’s for the summer avoiding everyone and everything while having a massive pity party.  I figured I’d get a good tan, do a lot of beach walking, and maybe write some songs.”  I nodded and kept staring into his eyes as he smiled and his eyes twinkled at me, “Then the first day that I was here I met you and my whole plan got blown out of the water.” 

I giggled and smiled, “Yeah… and Vinnie suck his nose up your butt.”

He laughed loudly, “That too…”  He shook his head, “I tried to fight it at first… I really did.  I kept telling myself that I didn’t need to have a crush, I didn’t need to deal with dating or anything like that because my heart had been broken and I was bound and determined to keep it that way.  I was going to wallow in my own self pity and totally take advantage of being the guy whose wife fucked him over.”

The thought of Kevin hiding out all summer being lonely and hurt made my heart ache.  I knew nothing about why he and his wife had split up but I hated the bitch for hurting him.  “But you couldn’t resist a crazy chick with a concussion and a drooling monster dog, could you?  I was oh so sexy in my Snoopy tee shirt and my jeans with the wine stain down the leg…”

“Exactly…”  He put his hand up to cup my cheek and shook his head looking into my eyes, “You say that you’re falling for me?”  I nodded.  “Well I already fell and I’m down on the ground waiting to catch you…”

I looked at him totally astonished and then began to laugh and I smacked him in the shoulder, “Kevin!”

“What?” he asked, totally confused but still smiling.

“People don’t say shit like that.  You can’t say shit like that!”  I kept giggling and shook my head, “I write stuff like that in my books… but you’re not allowed to talk like that.  You’re not allowed to be amazingly sweet and so perfect that I’m afraid of breaking you.”

Kevin laughed, “Dude, I just totally spilled my heart to you and you’re laughing at me.  You are officially the weirdest person I’ve ever dated.”

“You know you love it…” I said with a grin.

“I do…” he said as he leaned toward me to place a kiss on my lips. 

“I’m totally using that line in my next book though…” I said giggling as my lips left his.

He nodded and smirked at me, “Just make sure to mention me in your dedication.”

“Done…” I told him and smiled.  “You know, this whole situation would be so much easier if I were writing it instead of living it.”

He gave me one of those, You are so weird looks and smiled, “Explain…”

“Well if I were writing this I’d be totally in control.  I could tell you how to move and what to say and what to do.  And of course I would be flawless and not say anything stupid or make a fool of myself…” I chuckled.

“So pretend you’re writing this… what happens now?”  He held his hands out on either side of his body and grinned, “Direct me.”

I couldn’t help but laugh, he was so damn adorable.  “Yeah right…”

“I’m serious… come on, tell me what happens.”

I sighed and sat there looking at him while he continued to smile at me.  He really was serious.  “Fine… I’d be able to say something like…” I paused and looked at Kevin waiting for the words to pop into my head.  “’He pulled her close pressing their bodies together and gave her a look that made her insides tremble…’”  I snorted and then blushed as I laughed. 

Kevin stood up and pulled at my hand then just as directed pulled me in close so that the length of my body was pressed to his.  My heart started beating faster then and he chuckled as he wrapped his arms around my waist, “I’m not sure if I have a look that good though…”

I nodded, “Oh you do…”

He raised an eyebrow, “Really?”

I was practically panting as I looked up to him, “Uh huh…”

He shot me another one of those I know you want me grins, “Cool… What’s next?”

“Uh…” I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry. I closed my eyes to think and avoid staring at Kevin, there was no way I could form complete sentences while looking at him looking at me like that.  “’His fingers…’” I swallowed hard again and heard Kevin chuckle quietly.  I opened my eyes long enough to shoot him a dirty look, “Be nice…”  I closed my eyes again and tried to get back into my thought. “’His fingers slid ever so gently over her skin giving her goosebumps…’”  I was thankful at that moment that I was wearing a tank top… more skin for him to touch. 

He trailed his fingers down my arms, across my neck, down my back and then cupped my face in his hands.  “Then he kisses you…” he said quietly adding to my direction.  “Because he can’t keep his mouth off of you for long…”  When he pressed his lips to mine I moaned.  He smiled against my mouth and then slid his tongue between my lips seeking out my own tongue.  We kissed for what seemed like forever and then when his kisses moved to my neck I tipped my head back gasping for air.  My hands were at his waist sliding up underneath his tee shirt to find his warm skin.  As much as I loved his new Superman shirt, I wanted to rip it off of him.  I chuckled at the thought while he sucked on my neck.  He paused long enough to smile against my neck and say, “Yes?”

“Just my mind going in very odd places…” I said and slid my hands up his back under the shirt.  I dragged my nails gently over his skin and he shivered just a touch.

He shook his head dragging his goatee back and forth against my neck sending shivers all over my body, “Go with it…”

I smiled and pulled the shirt over his head tossing it onto the couch.  I grinned up at him, “That’s better… love the shirt but it had to go…”

He laughed and tugged on the hem of my tank top, “And this?”  I nodded and couldn’t help but giggle as I raised my arms like a little kid and he slid my shirt off.  I wiggled my eyebrows at him which made him laugh again.  “What’s next?”

“We get buck naked and do the nasty…” I said and then began to laugh so hard that tears began streaming down my face.

Kevin laughed with me and wrapped his warm arms around my body pulling me to him again, “Somehow I think that you’d be a little more detailed if you were writing this…”

“Yeah but typically if I’m writing I’m also not physically experiencing what I’m writing at the same time.  It’s not as easy as I thought it would be.  I could write you one hell of a personalized erotic short story but not while you’re in the room and doing to me what I write.”

“Definitely put that on your to do list…” he said with a smirk.  “I’ve never had personalized erotica written for me.”

“Not to mention by a bestselling author…” I added.

“Of course… Now let’s get back to the task at hand…”

“Oh yes… the nookie.”  I took a deep breath and smiled up at him as he grinned down at me.  “So… um… Yeah… let’s fast forward a little, change the scenery.”  I pulled him by the hand to my bedroom.  I reached up and ran my fingers through his hair and pulled his head down to mine, “We need more kisses and touching and stuff…”

Kevin obliged and while his tongue sent me to another world, his hands were all over me. One hand on my ass while the other slid up to my breasts… one moving up the inside of my thigh while the other traced patterns on the small of my back… one tangled in my hair while the other unbuttoned my shorts, all the while sucking and nipping at my neck. Thank god for a man who can multitask.

When I couldn’t take it anymore I pushed him away, “Okay that was good…” He smiled a smile that nearly made me lose what composure I still had left and reached around my body to undo the hook on my bra and carefully removed it from my body throwing it to the floor. I ran my hands over his chest and felt my knees go weak. Feeling his muscles contract under my touch as I dragged my nails over his stomach prompted a smirk on my face and he laughed.

"You’re so beautiful…" he said quietly as his hands found my skin again and he cupped the weight of my breasts in his large warm hands. His thumbs brushed against my nipples making them stand even more erect and I bit back a moan. 

“I didn’t tell you to do that…” I sighed.  “But it was a good improv…”  I was losing it, truly losing it. I stood there wondering how in the world he had so much control right then, but it was practically killing me and I realized that I was going to have to take charge again but there was no way I was going to be able to do it verbally.  As fun as the whole thing with me “writing” our scene had been, I was done talking.  With the precision of a Broadway Dresser I reached out and dropped his shorts and boxers leaving a gloriously nude Kevin standing in front of me with a mouth watering erection standing proudly between us. His eyes stayed affixed with mine as he slid his fingertips into the waistband of my panties and moved them along my skin. Slowly. "Jesus, Kevin…"

I sighed and he smiled before kissing me deeply again. His hands meanwhile continued teasing my skin and finally slid down into my panties cupping my ass before he pushed them and my shorts down. Breaking the kiss he followed the path of his hands as he moved my clothes down my body in an excruciating pace finally allowing me to step out of them. He kissed his way back up my body causing me to shiver and then walked me backward to the bed.

All of the make out/hand job sessions that we’d shared up to that moment had nothing on what happened as we lay down on the bed. His tongue sought out mine with ease and his hands were immediately on my skin again. Squeezing at my breasts, twisting my nipples, sliding up my legs… his fingertips followed all of the contours and curves of my body. When his mouth moved down my neck and to one of my breasts I thought I’d died and gone to heaven. The man should be awarded for the things he can do with his tongue. Tonguing carefully around a nipple before sucking it into his mouth and using his teeth to tug at it with just the right amount of pressure… then kissing down my body over my stomach licking circles around my belly button slowly as I fisted his hair in my hands… It was glorious torture.

Speaking of torture, I decided that as much as Kevin seemed to be enjoying pleasing me, he needed a little attention from me too. Somewhere I found the strength to push him away onto his back so that I could in turn hover over his body and achieve the same slow tongue torture that he’d shown me. As I nipped at his skin with my teeth his hands continued roaming my body and mine explored his as well. I latched onto his erection with my hand and his hips automatically jerked slightly up off of the bed. I smiled and kissed his neck, "Relax…" Forcing his hips back to the bed he relaxed slightly and I began a slow rhythmic pumping up and down his shaft as I sucked on his neck leaving a love mark of my own.

He gripped the bedding with a fist in an attempt to stay calm, but it wasn’t going very well. His body was writhing under my touch and his breath turning ragged. His eyes squeezed shut as a strangled moan escaped his mouth and the hand that had originally been fisting the bedding moved and joined my hand. Covering my hand with his own he helped me to stroke him and let out another moan, "Kel…" 

I raised my head from kissing his skin and looked into his eyes. Again, his look shot right through me and in a heartbeat he’d flipped me back onto my back and was positioned over me. I reached over to the bedside table and grabbed a condom from the top drawer.  I ripped open the foil package and threw it to the side then rolled the condom down his length slowly.  He shuttered at the touch and I loved knowing that I could make his body react so easily.  He hesitated for a moment and looked down at me and smiled as he leaned in to kiss me again. It was a soft slow kiss that lasted as he pushed his length deep inside of me. There simply are no words to explain the rush of pure ecstasy as he began moving in me. I thought I’d forgotten how to breathe it felt so good.

Our bodies, slick with sweat, moved together pushing us both toward the sweet reward of release, counteracting each other’s movements as if we’d been making love to each other for years. It was like whenever I’d be thinking "Oh if he’d just move to the left a bit…" he would. When I wanted him to move faster, he did without me even speaking the words. I didn’t have to direct him at all, it was pure heaven. Then, just when I thought it couldn’t get any more heavenly we both fell over the edge erupting together in a mind-blowing orgasm.

Once we’d both returned back to a relaxed state wrapped in each other’s limbs I rested my head against Kevin’s chest with my eyes closed. He kissed my forehead and I smiled and kissed his chest. "That was amazing… so how does the chapter end?”

I chuckled, “Oh that’s easy… ’They caught their breath and then did it all over again…’’

Not even amazing, mind blowing, toe curling, eyes-rolled-into-the-back-of-your-head sex with Kevin could take away my stupid nightmares.  We’d spent most of the afternoon in bed having all sorts of exploratory fun and then fell into a comfortable sleep wrapped up in each other’s limbs.  One moment I was happily dreaming about Kevin’s body and all of the things I wanted to do to it, and then the next I was back in my nightmare hell.

All of my nightmares about 9/11 were horrible, but the worst of all of them was the one where instead of being in my apartment watching the buildings fall, I was actually at the foot of the buildings.  I’d be running around trying to get the police and firefighters to listen to me and get people to evacuate but no one would listen.  I’d also have my cell phone to my ear begging and pleading Sean to get out of the building but he kept telling me how he was “fine” and I needed to calm down.  Then just as I was nearing a total meltdown yelling at a police officer we would hear the roar of the buildings starting to fall (both at the same time in the dream) and look up to see that horrible cloud of debris falling down at us.  I’d freeze, totally unable to move, and just before the cloud enveloped me and the cop I would see Sean’s body falling and I would reach out to him.  But every single time, I’d miss his hand by just a smidge and then the debris would smother me and I’d wake up trying to catch my breath. 

I somehow managed to wake from the nightmare without waking Kevin.  Typically he woke up when I jolted awake or at least reached out in his sleep and pulled me into his arms but this time he kept sleeping soundly, obviously exhausted from our Sexual Olympics for sure.  I watched him sleep as I took shaky breaths and wiped the tears from my face cursing the nightmare in my head.  He was so freaking stunning.  Everything about the man was beautiful and I found myself having one of those moments of “this can’t be my life” while I looked at him.  Did we really pretty much profess our love to each other without actually saying the three words?  Did he really tell me he was more into me than he’d ever been into his wife?  Everything seemed so surreal.  I leaned over to kiss his forehead and then carefully slid out of the bed figuring I’d be up for a while thanks to the nightmare.  I already had his Superman tee shirt on from when I’d gotten cold after we’d stopped screwing and started cuddling before passing out, but I picked up the pajama bottoms that had been tossed onto the bench at the end of my bed and slid them on before leaving the room and walking out to the living room.

Vinnie was laying in the middle of the living room floor going to town on one of his chew toys… drool hanging from his jowls as he looked up at me and began panting and wagging his tail.  I couldn’t help but chuckle at him and I sat down on the floor with him, “Hi, baby…” I said and wiped his drool off with a towel that specifically stayed in the living room for drool wiping purposes.  He gave me Vinnie kisses and then went back to chewing on his toy.  I watched him for a while and gave his ears a good Mama Rub before kissing the top of his big head and going into the kitchen.  I grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and checked the clock, it was only 10:30 at night.  I smiled at how Kevin and I’d spent the afternoon and evening then picked up the phone and dialed Christian’s number as I pulled leftovers from the fridge.

He answered on the third ring, “Um, shouldn’t you be having mad passionate sex right now?”

I chuckled, “We’re taking a break…” Vinnie came trotting into the kitchen when he heard me dishing out leftover pasta from the night before into a bowl.  My Mama’s cooking could cure any heartache and I was so happy to have a bunch of it in my fridge at the moment. “Plus I think my child is lonely…” I tossed him a meatball which he happily caught in mid air and probably didn’t even taste as it went down his throat without being chewed.  “He’s been ignored all afternoon since you guys left…”

Christian laughed in my ear, “Well I suppose you have to come up for air occasionally… Where is your Sex God?”

“Sleeping,” I said and leaning against the counter to eat, Vinnie following every move of my fork with his eyes.  “We wore each other out.”

“Good girl… but why aren’t you sleeping with him?”

I shrugged, “I was… but now I’m not.” I put a forkful of pasta in my mouth. 

“Nightmares?”

“Mmm hmm…”  I looked at Vinnie who had a massive drool rope hanging from one side of his mouth. I sighed and reached out with a napkin, “Vin, must you drool so much?  Go eat your own food, baby…” He sighed a doggie sigh but then went over to his dish and snacked on his dog food.

“Well before we talk about the dream, you have to tell me one thing…”

“Okay…”

“In a word, how was the sex?  You can tell me all of the dirty details later…”

I chuckled, “In a word?”  I paused and sighed then smiled, “Amazing.”

I could practically hear his grin through the phone, “I’m so happy for you…”

“Thanks, babe.”

“You’re welcome, now tell me about the dream.  Anything new?”

I shook my head, “No.  It was the shitty one though.  Scared the hell out of me as usual.”

“I hate it when you have that one… I’m sorry, baby.”

“It’s not your fault…” I said shrugging again.  “But I think I need to tell Kevin about it, Chris.”

“Wow… I didn’t expect you to say that.  I mean, I’m glad you did… but wow.”

“It’s not fair to him to have to keep waking up with me crying and not know what’s going on, you know?”  I rolled my eyes as they filled up with new tears, “I don’t know how to do it though… I’ve never told anyone.”

“I know… but I think it’s time, and I think Kev’s the right person to tell.”  I bit my bottom lip and covered my eyes with one hand as I began crying.  Christian sighed at the sound of me crying, “It’s going to be okay, Kel.  Maybe actually telling someone about it, someone who wasn’t there, will help.  Maybe you’ll tell him and it’ll lift that weight off of your shoulders that is always there.”

That made me cry harder and I had a hard time choking out words, “Maybe…” 

“But like you said, if anything it’ll help him understand better, right?”

“Yeah…” I said and brushed the tears off of my face with a napkin and put my bowl in the sink.  I grabbed my bottle of water and stepped out onto the deck to sit and watch the ocean.  It was a clear, warm night and the waves were calm.  I made a note to myself to open up the bedroom window when I went back to bed so we could sleep to the sound of the water.  “I just get worried that if I tell someone about it, it’ll change the way they treat me.”

“How so?”

“I don’t mean that I think hearing the story will freak him out and he’ll run away or anything… I just… I think that one of the reasons I never tell people about how Sean died is because I’m more afraid of how they’re going to react.  Like, when I tell people my dad died of cancer, they always go from the ‘I’m so sorry’ face to the ‘Oh that’s so sad’ face and then they tell me about someone who they know who had cancer too.  But how do you react to hearing that someone was killed on 9/11 unless you knew someone too?  It’s not like I can tell someone that and they can say, ‘Yeah, my cousin was killed in a terrorist attack too…’ It’s just not common.”

“Well yeah, but they don’t have to have had the same kind of loss to know how hard it is to lose someone.”

“I know, but I feel like pretty much everyone has some sort of tie to that day.  Everyone remembers where they were, and how they felt, right?  But for a lot of people it ends there.  They think of it as a horrible time and a very sad thing, but that’s it.  But for us, it’s so different because every time we see that footage we’re seeing him die.  And when we see pictures of the buildings beforehand, we can remember being there and looking out of the windows.  We can remember how high up his floor was and think about how far down the ground was.  It’s just not something that most people can wrap their heads around.  Hell, I can barely wrap my own head around it most of the time.”

“So is it that you’re worried about them feeling overwhelmed by it all, or that you’re worried they’re going to ask you things about it that you’re not ready to talk about?”

“I…” I paused and looked out at the water while picking with my fingers at the wrapper on my water bottle sitting between my criss-crossed legs.  Vinnie came out of his dog door and climbed up onto the double chaise with me and plopped down putting his head in my lap.  I ran my hand over his head and felt more tears coming on, “I don’t know… I’ve never thought about it like that.  Maybe you’re right.  Maybe the whole reason I don’t talk about it is because of the questions that people might have.”

“I know one time after we’d moved down here I met someone on the beach who asked where I was from because of my accent and I told her I’d grown up in New York and then lived in the city during and after college.  We just sort of naturally ended up talking about 9/11 and she asked me if I’d known anyone who’d died that day.  I told her yes and she was really nice about it but after a while she did kind of get like overly detailed with her questions.  Like, I don’t think she meant to be so blunt, but I was the first person she’d come into contact with who had been there so she was really curious… it was definitely a different experience from when someone finds out and they’re just shocked and then they move on.”

“Right.  Maybe that’s what I’m scared of.  Having to face things I don’t want to and feeling like if I don’t answer their questions I’m letting them down.”

“You know you have the right to tell anyone to buzz the fuck off if you don’t want to tell them something, babe…”

I chuckled, “I know… Can you imagine how my book tours would have been if people knew that Tuesday Morning was partially based on my life?”

“Yeah it would have been hell…” he said and laughed.  Christian had gone with me on pretty much all of my book tours to keep me sane.  He knew how hard it was for me to talk about 9/11 even when I was just talking about the fictional characters in my book. The official story as presented by my book company and by me was that I knew several people who died on 9/11 and that I’d been close enough to it all that day to see it first hand out of my window.  All the truth, just leaving out the facts about who those people were that died and how one of them was my baby brother.  The only people who knew the whole story were the people who knew me before it happened and I’d kept it that way for almost seven years.

“Will you be here with me when I tell him?”

“Of course… whenever you’re ready.”

“Maybe if you’re here I won’t freak out…” I said and laughed at myself knowing full well that I would still freak out about it with or without Christian there.  He laughed too knowing exactly why I was laughing, “Whatever, you know what I mean.”

“I do, and I’ll be there. Any idea when you want to do it?”

I shook my head, “No.  Soon though, before we leave for New York.  He has to know before I get on the plane.”

Christian laughed a little too hard at that statement and then apologized, “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to laugh that hard, I just imagined you having one of your meltdowns on the plane and him looking at you like you’d gone bat-shit crazy.”

I smiled, “Be nice to me…”

“I am!  I’m letting you pour your heart out over the phone to me aren’t I?”

“Mmm hmm…”

“And I’m taking you shopping tomorrow for a ball gown aren’t I?”

“Uh… this is news to me…” I said and laughed.

“I was gunna call you but then kept putting it off because I figured you were in the throes of passion with Kevin.  But yeah, I think you and I need to make a road trip tomorrow and go hunting for a fabulous ball gown.” I groaned and he laughed, “It’ll be fun… I’ll take you to that snazzy mall near Orlando with all of the glamorous high end shops in it and then will buy you lunch at the Cheesecake Factory…”

“You had me at Cheesecake…” I said and giggled.

“See, I know how to make you happy.  Plus I’ll feed your Starbucks habit all day too.”

“You really do love me…” I cooed.  “You going to pay for my dress too?” I asked with a smirk.

“Um no.  But I’ll happily help you spend your money. I’m coming to get you at ten.”

“Ten?! Jesus…”

“With travel time, shopping, and eating, yes… we have to leave at ten or we won’t be back here until the middle of the night. So set your alarm, Pookie.”

I rolled my eyes, “Pookie… whatever.”

“Oh and as much as I love him, Kevin can’t come.”

“Why?” I asked laughing.  I didn’t expect Kevin to want to go dress shopping anyway, but I found it humorous that Christian wasn’t allowing it.

“Because we’re going to find you a dress that’ll knock his socks off when he sees you in it and he can’t see it until the night of the ball.”

“It’s not a wedding dress, babe…”

“No shit, Sherlock.  But it’s important. It’ll be the first time you and he are all gussied up for a big fancy shindig together and you have to make that entrance that’ll make him stop and think, ‘Hot damn, that’s my woman…’”

I giggled, “And then he’ll realize that I’m not his date…”

“Exactly!” he said and giggled with me.  “It’ll insure that you have some ah-maz-ing sex that night.”

“Well that’s already a given, honey…” I said with a grin and felt the blush spreading over my cheeks.

“Fine, even more amazing then…”

“Mmm…” I said and we both laughed.  Vinnie picked his head up and began wagging his tail which told me that Kevin was up.  He saw us out on the deck and I smiled and waved, “Speaking of… someone just woke up.”

Kevin slid open the door and stepped out onto the deck, he was wearing pajama bottoms and nothing else.  The sight of his body made me shiver.  Vinnie stood up at the end of the chaise to greet Kevin and he smiled as he scratched Vin’s head.  “Hey, buddy…” he said quietly and then sat down in the spot Vinnie had vacated sitting facing me.

I moved forward and wrapped my legs around his waist.  He smiled looking at me and I grinned at his fantastic bed head, “Hey sleepy…”

He kissed me on the lips and smiled while sliding his hands over my ass and pulling me even closer, “Hey yourself…”

Christian chuckled in my ear, “Is he buck naked and ready to go?”

I laughed, “Shut up, dork…” I shook my head and rolled my eyes, “Christian says hello…”

Kevin smiled and spoke toward the phone for Christian to hear, “Hi, Chris…”

“I did not say hello… I asked if he was buck naked…” Christian laughed.  “But I do say hello now.”

“Uh huh…” Kevin leaned in and was kissing my neck gently, slowly driving me mad.  “So ten tomorrow…”

“Yes, which gives you several hours to get your groove on with Mr. Hotness and then still get some decent sleep before you have to get up for our shopping extravaganzaaaaah.”

I sighed but smiled. My eyes were closed to take in the feeling of Kevin’s lips on my neck, his hands squeezing my ass, “Okay…”

“Love you…”

“I love you too… thank you, for… well you know.”

“Yeah… anytime.  Now go play with your man, at least one of us will be getting laid tonight…” he laughed.

“Poor Chrissy-Poo…”I chuckled.  “Joey’ll be home tomorrow, right?”

“Yep,” he said and I could tell he was smiling.

“Alright, honey… hasta pronto…”

“Don’t forget the condoms…” he said and laughed again.

“Never do…”I said with a grin.  “Later, baby.”  When I thumbed off the phone and put it down I opened my eyes to see Kevin watching me with a grin, “Do you know how hard it is to talk on the phone with you kissing me like that?”

“Yep…” he said with a dirty smirk.

I pulled at his neck and brought his face to mine for a kiss.  “You’re lucky I enjoy it…” I said after the kiss.

He laughed and wrapped his arms around me in a bear hug, “So what’s going on tomorrow?”

I groaned then laughed putting my head on his bare shoulder, “Shopping for a ball gown.  You’re not allowed to come.”

Kevin laughed, “I’m not allowed?”

“Nope… Christian’s rules.  But we should be back here in time for dinner.” I picked my head back up to look at him, “Can you handle a whole day without me?”

He shook his head and slid his hand up my back underneath his tee shirt, “I don’t know…” His hand was so warm against my skin.  “Maybe I can handle it if I get you all to myself for the rest of the night.”

I ran my fingertips across his back where the elastic of his pants met his skin and grinned at the way it made him squirm, “You all rested up for another round, Heartthrob?”  He pressed his body up toward mine and I could feel just how ready he was.  I ground my hips against him which made him moan and made me smirk, “I’ll take that as a yes.”

I’ve been known to wear the occasional skirt or dress, but truth be told if I can be in jeans or shorts and a tee shirt that’s when I’m most happy.   I seriously woke up the morning of my Shopping Extravaganza with Christian and was full of dread.  The thought of having to try on ball gowns was a little too much like shopping for a bridesmaid dress for me and I’d been a bridesmaid enough times to know just how much I hated it.   Much to my surprise though, shopping for my ball gown turned out to be much more fun than bridesmaid shopping had ever been, at least for a little while.

First of all it helped that instead of shopping with a bunch of chicks, a bride, and her mother, I was shopping with my Happy Gay Boy and surprise guest, AJ.  Christian somehow managed to keep it a secret that AJ was going to meet us at the mall which was a feat in itself because Christian was the single worst secret keeper in the world.  With AJ and Christian at my side and great big mocha frapp from Starbucks in my hand, we actually had a really great time shopping.  I got to get to know AJ better, get his heterosexual input into the sexiness of each dress, dirty-minded comments about my boobs in each dress that had me laughing my head off, and I got inside tips on Kevin from one of his best friends. 

I will admit that by the sixth store when we’d only found “maybe” dresses I was getting cranky and really wanted to throw a dressing room shit fit.  Not even pretending that I was doing a fashion show for AJ and Christian was working anymore and I felt the inner child in me creeping up to the surface getting ready to kick and scream on the floor of the store.  It didn’t help that the dressing room I was in was one of those that didn’t have a mirror in it so that you had to walk out of the dressing room to the big three way mirrors to even see if what you had on looked good or not.  Supposedly it was supposed to add to the drama of The Moment when you see yourself in The Perfect Dress.  Whatever, to me, it was just a pain in the ass.  I’d tried on three dresses all which were complete and utter train wrecks and sent my guys into giggle fits as soon as I stepped out of the dressing room.  That didn’t’ help my crankiness either.  I knew they weren’t laughing at me, but my inner child didn’t know it and she was not a happy camper.  I was also extremely hungry and ready for lunch but Christian kept pointing out that if I pigged out on lunch I wouldn’t want to try on dresses when I was bloated.  Good point, but my hunger was in cohorts with my inner child and they were coming close to overruling absolutely everything.

When I pulled the fourth dress on it felt good enough but I couldn’t do it up on my own so I bellowed for Christian to help me.  I purposely had my back to him so that he couldn’t critique the dress until I was fully dressed.  He tried to get me to give him a sneak peek but when I practically growled at him he giggled and backed away with his hands up in surrender.  I shut the door on him and adjusted my boobs in the dress so that they weren’t all cockeyed (something I’d done previously and caused AJ a great fit of laughter) and then I took a breath and stepped out of the small room. 

AJ and Christian were in a heated conversation about what cheesecake they were going to get when we went to lunch at the Cheesecake Factory and pretty much ignored me.  I stood there with my hands on my hips not even bothering to go to the mirrors since I figured that every other dress in the shop had sucked ass so this one would too. 

AJ who was talking about the red velvet cheesecake saw me first and stumbled over his words.  It was something like, “Dude, it was the best cheesecake I’ve haaa…holy shit.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at him and then Christian turned to look at me and had to put his hand over his mouth so not to spit out the drink of his soda that he’d just sucked up through his straw.  Once he’d swallowed he looked at me wide-eyed and put his hand over his heart, “Oh honey…”

I rolled my eyes, “That bad?  Jesus, guys… this place sucks I’m not trying on the rest, we’re going to lunch.  I don’t care if I get bloated.”

I started to turn and go back toward the dressing room but Christian was suddenly at my back pulling on me, “We’re going to lunch but not because you’re giving up on the store…”

“Christiaaaaaannnn…” I whined as he pulled me to the mirrors. 

“Honey, look…” he said and literally shoved me at the mirrors.

I nearly tripped over my own feet and had a momentary flash of me going head-first into them, which was not exactly something I wanted to experience.  “Jerk…” I said and glared at Christian but then turned with a sigh to look in the mirror. It was then that I suddenly understood just what AJ’s “holy shit” and Christian’s pushing was all about.  “Oh wow…” I said quietly.

“If you don’t buy that dress, I’m buying it for you…” AJ said as he stood up and walked over to the mirrors with me and Christian. 

“Oh she’s getting it… trust me…” Christian said with a huge grin.

I turned to Christian, “Yeah?”

He nodded excitedly, “Oh yeah…”

I looked at AJ and made an unsure face, “Really?  Be honest…”

AJ grabbed my hands in his and looked down at me, “You are so smokin’ hot in this dress that if you weren’t dating my best friend I would totally be hitting on you now and definitely on the night of the ball. You’re beautiful…”

Maybe it was my extreme hunger and an allergic reaction to the crap-ass music being piped through the store’s sound system but AJ’s words made my eyes well up with tears and have a total girl reaction to the whole thing.  I tried to say thank you to AJ, to say anything, but I seriously had a lump in my throat the size of Manhattan and I knew if I tried to speak I’d just end up crying. Instead I squeezed AJ’s hands before letting them go and I nodded at him with a weak smile.

I looked at myself in the mirror again and had to admit, the dress was perfect. Frankly I couldn’t keep my eyes off of myself and that’s saying a lot because generally I try not to look in the mirror too much… like I said before, I’m a jeans and tee shirt girl.  But this dress was stunning.  It looked black at first glance but when the light hit it the right way you could see that it was actually a beautiful deep green color that reminded me of the dark rim on Kevin’s eyes.  The cut was like it had been made especially for me, it fit so perfectly.  The v in the front showcased my girls perfectly without being slutty and the scoop in the back was perfect.  There was a slit up one thigh that I figured might give me trouble if I had to sit in it, but I actually thought, “If I have to stand in it the whole night, it’ll be worth it.”  This was the dress and the thought of Kevin seeing me in it made me giddy like my inner child in anticipation of Christmas morning.

“Oh my god!” Christian squeeled scaring us all. “The jewelry you have from your mom from her wedding…”

“Oh my god…” I said and looked at Christian then into the mirrors and back at Christian. 

“What about it?” AJ asked with a chuckle.

“It’s perfect…” I sighed.  “A long time ago my mom gave me the earrings, necklace, and bracelet from her wedding.  But I’ve never worn it because it never really looked right with anything.  But with this, it’ll be like the jewelry was made for the dress.”     

“Well sweet…” AJ said with a grin.  “Now all we have to do is find shoes and you’re all set.”

I giggled and hugged him and then Christian, I couldn’t help it.  I turned my back on AJ, “Undo me…”

“Ooh, baby…” he laughed as he unhooked and unzipped the dress. 

I held it up in the front and looked over my shoulder before heading back to the dressing room, “That’s all you get… the rest is for Kev.”

“I know, I know…” he laughed.  “But you’re still my date!!”

“True…” I said and smiled.  “And you know what else?”

“What?”

“As soon as I get dressed, I can stuff my face with lunch and cheesecake because my feet aren’t going to get bloated and stop me from shoe shopping!”

You know how when you first start having sex with someone and it’s all you can think of?  That’s pretty much how I was once I’d been properly fed lunch on our Shopping Extravaganza and AJ and Christian started talking about shoes.  I knew I needed shoes and I knew I wanted shoes, but the only thing I could think of was getting back to Kevin.  Call me crazy, but all I wanted to do was be with my ultra sexy man-friend, buck naked, and doing the horizontal mambo.  Not even super sexy pumps were thrilling me like they usually did because let’s face it… who needs sexy pumps when you’ve already got the man at home waiting for you?  We’d leave the dressing up and all that kinky shit for later when things needed spicing up, but there was no immediate need for any extra spices at this point because we were just tasty as is.  I did somehow manage to find a perfect pair of shoes that I would someday hopefully be a part of a really dirty sexcapade with Kevin, and then with many hugs and kisses to AJ, Christian and I were on the road back to Daytona and back to my Kevin.

Since Christian drove, I used the commute back home to get caught up on phone calls I’d missed while I was sexing Kevin the day before. I’d missed one call from my mom about the shirt she’d forgotten at my house after the sleepover and wanted me to bring her when I brought Vinnie down to her place for the New York trip.  The web-mistress of my website left a message to tell me that she’d e-mailed me a mock up of what the page for the new book would look like once it was released, my book editor called to make sure that I was still meeting him for lunch one day while I was in the City, and my publicist Jules had called four times with nothing more than a “Call me…” message.

Jules was my girl and I loved her to pieces, but she was the worst at leaving messages.  She either gave me no information to work with at all, like “Call me…” so I had no idea how urgent the matter was, or she’d call and leave a five minute message explaining absolutely everything in great detail so I barely had to call her back.  Generally the “Call me…” messages meant she was either really busy, or really pissed. When I dialed her back I was hoping for the really busy option over the other.

She picked up after half a ring, “Bloody hell, where have you been?”

“Well hello to you too, Julesie, I’m good how are you?” I teased.

“I’ve been waiting for you to decide to pick up your bloody phone!” she groaned and I admit I chuckled.  Jules was from London and although she’d been in the states for practically ever, she still had the English accent and it always came out much thicker when she was upset about something.  Words like bloody would pop up all over the place which just made me giggle because to me it was just so cute. “Oh stop laughing at my accent…” she said in a huff and I could tell she was trying not to laugh.  “Just tell me this… is he still married?”

“Who?”

“Kevin fucking Richardson! I swear, Kellie if you tell me that you’re shagging a married man just before your book drops I’m going to disown you.  You’ll no longer be my client, my friend, or the god mother of Miles.”

“Hey!  First of all don’t you threaten to take Miles away from me, woman!  He’s my Baby Man and you can’t steal him back!” Jules had a little boy named Miles who was often referred to as the love of my life because I was so utterly in love with the kid.  Just eight months old and I could eat him up every time I saw a new picture of him (which was practically every day the way that Jules snapped photos).  “Second, have a little freaking faith in me, Jules… since when have I ever dated or slept with married men?”

“Never, but still he…”

“But still he, nothing… He’s divorced, babe.”

“And you know this for a fact?”

“Yes.”

“From good authority other than Kevin himself?”

“Yes.”

“You’re positive.  It’s not like one of those, ‘Yeah, babe of course I’m divorced’ things?”

“Positive.”

I heard her sigh and knew she was running her fingers through her dark spiky hair, “How long has he been divorced and why hasn’t it been in the press?  I googled him and there’s nothing online about him getting divorced from that skinny blonde bitch.”

I found it weird that Jules knew that Kevin’s ex was skinny and blonde, but it was her job to know all sorts of things.  “Seven months, and because they wanted to keep it quiet.”

“Who is the other source who’s verified it?”

I rolled my eyes and Christian chuckled at the pained look on my face, “AJ McLean.”

“You’ve met AJ already?” she sounded shocked.

“Yeah, so?  I just spent most of the day shopping for a ball gown and shoes with him too, what of it?”

“Wait… what? What the hell are you talking about?”

I chuckled, “AJ’s going to be in New York with us.  He asked me to go to the ASPCA Fur Ball with him and I said yes.  So today Chris and I met AJ in Orlando and went shopping.  Now we’re on our way back home where I will have mad passionate sex with my boyfriend and refuse all phone calls again.” 

Christian called out toward the phone, “Hi, Jules! Can’t wait to see you!”

“Tell him me too…” she said and I relayed the message.  “Okay so you’re dating Kevin, you’re fucking him, your picture is all over the damn internet with him, he’s apparently divorced, and you’re going to a ball with his best friend?”

I giggled and nodded, “Pretty much, yeah.”

“Jesus, Kellie… could you possibly leave me any further out of the loop?  I mean, I knew that you were all worried about jinxing things with The Guy, but you could have given me a little bit of a heads up that you were turning into a certified Backstreet Boys Piece of Ass.”

“I’m not their piece of ass, I’m Kevin’s…” I laughed.  “AJ’s just my friend now.  Actually my mother seems to have quite the crush on him.”

“Oh that’s bloody brilliant… the four of you can double date and then I’ll hook up with Nick Carter and we’ll just have a grand time.”

“Stop being so whiny… I told you I’d tell you about him, and now I am.  I can ask him about Nick though if you’re serious…” I teased.

“He’s not my type.  Kevin is.”

“I know he is, but hands off…”

“I was going to marry him, you know?”

“What? Who?” I asked, utterly confused.  Conversations with Jules would do that to you.

“Kevin… I was going to marry him.  Then he met that bitch and they were ‘so in love’ that I gave up.  Had I known he’d been on the market for seven months I would have been all over that!”

“First of all, seven months ago you had a one month old and you weren’t dating anyone, second… what the hell?”

“Must I remind you that I’m from Europe and we had the boy band craze first?  While you twits were over here all into flannel and grunge we were happy with our bubble gum pop boy bands.  We had Backstreet years before you even knew who they were.  Tell me, are the rumors true?  Is he hung like a horse and are the tattoos on his hip really there?”

“Oh my god…”I gasped and began to giggle.  “You speak boyband?”

“Fluently.  And I’ll have you know that when Justin Timberlake finds out about this affair of yours he’s going to be utterly pissed.”  We both laughed then, she knew all about my teenage love of Justin, but I’d never known she was a Backstreet fan.  “Now answer me… hung like a horse?”

I had to close my eyes for a second as a happy wave rushed through me, “Pretty much.”

“Bitch…” she said and I laughed.  “And the tattoos?”

“Very real and very tasty.”

“I fucking HATE you!”

“And I love you… How’s my Baby Man?”

“He’s beautiful and I sent you more pictures.  He’s teething again and drooling over everything.”

“Aww… is he excited that I’m coming to see him?”

“But of course!  I’m not letting you change the subject so easily though.  You gushed the last time I spoke to you about how you might be falling for this guy.  Now that I know who the guy is, I have to know… are you in love?”

I looked out of the window watching the scenery pass by and thought of Kevin.  We were almost home and I couldn’t wait to see him.  His beautiful eyes, his crooked smile, his perfect abs, his amazing hands and his utterly awesome heart, “Yeah, Jules… I think so.”

“Oh, honey…” she cooed and I felt myself blush. 

“Don’t go and say anything sweet… we’ll have plenty of time to talk about in person it when I’m there. Just let it be, for right now, please.”

“Okay… but can you at least tell me the dirty stuff?”

I laughed, “No.  Well maybe, but not right now. I’m in a car, it’s not appropriate.”

She laughed, “Oh please… I know for a fact that Christian has heard all of the dirty details.  Whatever.  I’m going to hold you to it though; I want to live vicariously through you since you STOLE my Fantasy Husband.”

“I promise… but we’re almost home so I really don’t have the time to go into sufficient detail, you know how I get when I describe things…”

“True and with this, I want the uber descriptive writers’ version!” 

She then rambled on for a few minutes about book release stuff and by the time she was done, we were pulling into my driveway.  I frowned when I realized that Kevin’s car wasn’t there and I wondered just where he’d disappeared to. I ended my call with Jules and looked at Christian with a pout. He just laughed and patted me on the knee, “I’m sure he left a note… go see.”

I nodded and reached over to hug him, “Thanks, babe… it was fun, except for the starving part.”

He laughed, “No problem.  Thanks for indulging me.”

“Anytime. Well not anytime, you know I don’t love shopping like you do.  And AJ… holy hell… he’s as bad as you!”

“I know, right?  We’re going to have a blast in New York!” he said with a huge grin and shopping bags in his eyes.

“Yay for me not having to shop!” I chuckled. “I’ll call you later, okay?”

“Maybe…” he said with a dirty grin.

“True.  I may be otherwise occupied.  But hey, you will be too, Joey should be home by now, right?”

He nodded excitedly, “Yep…”

“So how about we say that we’ll talk tomorrow, then?”

“Perfect… now get out so I can go love on my man!” he said and giggled.  I kissed him and then gathered my random bags and made my exit from the car. 

I was met at the door by Vinnie, of course, who was all too happy to see me but mostly because if I was home it meant he could go outside and play in the sand. I asked him where Kevin was to which I received a head cock and a tail wag.  That made me smile, knowing that Vinnie was as enthralled with Kevin as I was.  It was when I going to unlock Vinnie’s doggie door that I found the note from Kevin.  It was taped to Vinnie’s door because Kevin knew the first thing I always did when I got home was let Vinnie out.  I smiled and pulled the note off of the door.

“Gone to buy stuff to make dinner with.  Back in a few. Love, Kev” I read aloud to no one but myself since Vinnie was already outside working on digging a new hole. I sighed and smiled, “Love, Kev… God, I’m such a nerd.”  I laughed at myself and then put my purchases away where Kevin wouldn’t see them since AJ and Christian were so set on Kevin not knowing what my dress looked like until the night of the ball. 

Once that was done I grabbed my laptop figuring I’d check my e-mail and take a look at the website mock up so that my web-mistress would get off of my back.  Not that I didn’t adore her for keeping my website kick ass, but she got a little hyper just before a book release or some special event.  Like I didn’t already stress out enough over those things myself, right?

I went outside onto the deck to sit so that I could watch Vinnie and grab some fresh air while checking my e-mail.  I approved the website mock up, answered a bunch of business e-mails, laughed at e-mail from AJ that he apparently had been sending me from his phone during our shopping trip, and then opened the e-mail from Jules with pictures of Miles.

“Ohhh…” I sighed and then grinned from ear to ear as the first photo popped up.  It was a super-macro close up of Miles’ face, the drool flowing freely down his chubby chin as he grinned around a teething ring that he was gnawing on.  As I went through the rest of the pictures I let out assorted sighs, moans, and coos at the extreme cuteness of my godson.

Kevin returned as I was having my love fest and I heard him giggle at me as he opened the door and stepped out onto the deck with me.  “What are you gushing over?”

“Kiss me first…” I said with a grin and aimed my face toward him with kissy lips.  He sat down next to me and kissed me so good I nearly forgot about Miles.  I rested my forehead against his recovering from the kiss while holding on to him, “Hi…”

He chuckled and the sound shot right through me, “Hey, baby…”

“God I missed you today…” I said pulling back so I could see his face.  “Does that make me crazy?”

“If it does, then I’m crazy too… I didn’t know what to do with myself all day.  Vin and I played a lot of ball.”

“Aww… my boys playing ball…Okay that’s adorable…”

Kevin chuckled again, “So was you sitting out here staring at your computer and swooning.  So what’s up?”

I groaned happily again which made Kevin laugh at me again, “It’s my Baby Man… Look!”  I turned the laptop toward him, “Is he not just the most beautiful thing, ever? He’s the love of my life…”

“Oh really?” Kevin asked with a raised eyebrow.

I chuckled and kissed him again, “Oh I have lots of love, trust me.  But this one here…” I said pointing at the screen, “Has me wrapped around his chubby little fingers.”

“He is pretty adorable… but who is he?”

“My godson and Jules’ baby, Miles.”

“I knew Jules had a baby but I didn’t know he was your godson… That’s cool.”

“Jules already knows that as soon as we’re in New York he’s all mine.  I’m an extreme baby hog when it comes to him.  When he was born I fell in love.”

“I can see why…” he said while scrolling through the pictures.  There was a change in his voice that made me look from the pictures of Miles to Kevin to watch his face.  He kept looking at the pictures and then looked at me a smiled.

“What is it, honey?” I asked and put my hand on his cheek.

He shook his head and then kissed my hand, “Nothing…”

“Liar...” I said with a smile and pulled his hand into my lap and squeezed it. “Talk to me, baby…”

He looked down at our hands and took a deep breath then looked up at me, “Let’s take Vinnie for a walk, it’s a long story.”

We walked along the beach with our feet in the water while Vinnie leaped in and out of the waves like he’d never seen water before.  I swear the dog had Canine Alzheimer’s or something because everyday things always seemed so new and exciting to him no matter how many times he experienced them.  Then again, seeing that he had a mother who was extremely easily amused, he was probably just taking after me.

Kevin was holding my hand and I decided to just let him start speaking when he felt ready.  I could tell he was pondering pretty seriously in his head and I didn’t want to rush him in any way.  “How’d the shopping go, today?” he finally asked.

I smiled, “Real good.  The boys helped me pick out a beautiful dress that’s going to knock your socks off.”

“The boys?  I thought it was just you and Chris that went…”

“Oh no, we had a surprise guest… AJ was with us.  Something about him needing to make sure that my dress was kick ass and how he needed to make sure he didn’t clash with me…” I said and chuckled.

Kevin smiled and nodded, “That’s totally AJ… Cool, I’m glad you two are getting to know each other better.”

“Me too… he’s adorable.  I wish he lived closer...”

“Yeah me too…” he said and looked out at the ocean for a moment before looking back at me.  “So…”

I smiled and squeezed his hand, “No rush… tell me what you want and in your own speed, okay?”

“Okay…” he said and then leaned in to kiss me and smiled.  “I guess I should start by telling you that I’ve always wanted to be a dad.  Like, always.  My dad was like a god to me and I can remember being just a little thing following him around wanting to be just like him.  If he drank sweet tea, I drank sweet tea… if he wore jeans and boots, then so did I.  And because he was a dad, I wanted to be a dad too.”

“You must have been so damn cute as a little boy…”I said with a grin and hugged his arm. 

“I guess…” he said and shrugged then smiled. “But yeah… before I proposed to Kristin we had talks about kids.  I told her that whether we had kids of our own or adopted them, being a dad was something that was essential to me.  And I told her flat out that if she didn’t see kids in her future that I couldn’t be with her.  Which I guess in retrospect is kind of a harsh thing to say, but it was the truth you know?”

I nodded, “Of course… if it’s that important to you then you can’t waste your time with someone who doesn’t want the same things.”

“Exactly. But she swore to me that she wanted a huge family and I believed her.”  He paused and looked away again with a sigh.  I knew right then I wasn’t going to like hearing this story.  The pain in his eyes broke my heart and since I was becoming increasingly more protective of him any sign of pain made my defenses go up and I was ready to fight for him. “So you know how Kristin lied to me about something so big that it ended our marriage?”  I nodded and kept a hold on Kevin’s arm as we walked.  “Well it was about kids.”

“Oh man…” I sighed. 

“Yeah and seeing those pictures of Miles back there just sort of brought it all back to me.  See, early on in our marriage we agreed that we wouldn’t try for kids because we were just too busy.  I was all over the world touring with the guys and she was dancing on Cher’s big finale tour so we barely even saw each other for a while right after we got married.  But then when I went on hiatus and she had a break from touring too we were going to see about starting a family.  But every month would come along and nothing would happen… no baby.”  I was sick with the thought of what Kevin was going to say.  I could clearly see how much being a father meant to him and could only imagine how destroyed he’d been each month when he’d find out that once again he wasn’t going to be a dad yet.  I pressed my cheek to his arm as we walked along slowly.  “I found out about a year ago that the reason she wasn’t getting pregnant was because she’d gone and had her tubes tied when I was on tour with Backstreet in 2002.  She did it right before we had that big break between albums and she knew I was going to be around.”

“Jesus...” I swore and shook my head. “That’s horrible!”

“Yeah…” he nodded.  “She wasn’t going to tell me either.  But she had this best friend Cindy who we hung out with a lot… Turned out that Cindy and her husband Mark were going to have their first baby and the four of us were on vacation just after they found out.  So one night Mark and I are hanging out drinking beer on the beach while the girls were off doing whatever and we started talking about the pregnancy and stuff.  I made some comment about how much I couldn’t wait for Kristin to finally get pregnant and Mark made this face that totally threw me.  So I asked him what was wrong and he told me about how Kristin had stayed with them when she’d had the surgery and how she’d told them that I knew all about it and was okay with it because our careers were more important to us than kids.”

I rolled my eyes in disgust and groaned, “You’ve got to be kidding me… She lied to them too?”

“Yeah… so they never thought to bring it up with me because they thought I knew.  And when I looked back, I realized that she was always telling me not to tell Cindy and Mark that we were trying to get pregnant. But she said it was because THEY were having trouble getting pregnant too and that it would upset them.  All that was a lie too, Mark told me as much.  So basically for five years she lied about trying to get pregnant.  I didn’t even talk to her about it when I found out.  I just went back to our hotel, took all of my stuff and went to the airport and got on the next plane home to Kentucky.  Of course she tried to explain it to me eventually but by then I was so done it didn’t matter.  She says that she decided that she just didn’t want to ‘ruin’ her body and her career as a dancer by having kids but that she loved me so much that she didn’t want to lose me so she couldn’t tell me the truth.”  He sighed and shook his head.  “Right.”

I stopped walking so I could face Kevin and I looked up into his pretty green eyes, “I’m so sorry, baby… That was a horrible, horrible thing for her to do to you and I can only imagine how hard it was for you.  Not just to find out that she’d been lying but always hoping that it would happen and then being disappointed over and over again.”  He nodded and wrapped his arms around me pulling me into a tight hug.  I sighed and held him as close as I possibly could, “She didn’t deserve you… I can’t imagine hurting you like that.  Ever.  She has to be an evil person to have done that to you over and over again.  God, I’m so sorry…”

Kevin pulled back to look at me and gave me a weak smile, “I agree, she’s evil.”  He chuckled and reached out to push a stray curl from my face and tuck it behind my ear, “But I’m slowly beginning to understand that as much as it hurt, I’m glad I finally found out the truth so that I don’t have to waste any more time on her.”

“Yes, because it’s all about me now…” I teased with a wink which made him laugh. 

“It definitely is…” he said and kissed me.  After the kiss he pulled me back into a hug and we stood there for the longest time just hugging quietly.  “I honestly never thought I’d feel this way about someone again…” he said quietly in my ear which made me shiver.  “I didn’t think I’d ever trust anyone again, let alone let them into my heart.  But when it comes to you I can’t seem to help myself.”

I smiled and pulled back just enough so I could look into his eyes, “Same here.  I was the girl who was going to live alone with her dog forever, remember?  Now all I can do is think about you and how utterly gaga I am over you.  Seriously, all day while I was shopping with the guys, I had fun but I was whining internally, then sometimes out loud, about how much I just wanted to be back here with you.  I was pitiful, Kev.”

He laughed, “I did the same thing all day, except I whined to Vinnie. He’s a pretty good listener though…”

“Yeah he is… as long as you don’t mind the drool,” I said and giggled.  “Speaking of…” I said and looked around to make sure Vinnie was still with us.  I laughed when my eyes settled on him belly deep in a hole that he’d dug.  He looked up at me and “smiled” panting which made Kevin laugh too.  “Vin you’re going to have to have another bath…”  He barked at me and then resumed his digging, he wasn’t a big fan of baths but he tolerated them.  I shook my head and looked at Kevin, “Crazy dog…”  I pulled Kevin by the hand and started back toward my house, “I’ve got something to show you but it’s back at the house. But while we walk I need to tell you about Jules.”

Kevin looked at me with a somewhat confused look, “Alright…”

I laughed at his confusion, “It’ll all make sense shortly… You know how I am, I like to take the long way in explaining things.”

He smiled, “True… okay, so what about Jules?”

“Well when she was really young, like still in college she was engaged to this guy and totally in love with him.  But just before the wedding she realized she was pregnant and when she told him he totally freaked out and dumped her.  It was his kid, but I dunno… he just lost it and accused her of cheating and all of this horrible stuff.  So of course they didn’t get married and she ended up losing the baby because she was so stressed out by the whole breakup.”

“That’s horrible…” he said quietly.

I nodded, “So after that, she sort of did the same thing I did.  She closed off her heart and vowed to never fall in love again.  She was all about just hooking up with hot rich men, having fun with them, and then breaking things off.  When I met her, she was like a character out of Sex & the City… and frankly she was happy with it.  Instead of being like me and living with a big dog and sex toys, she had boy toys.” 

Kevin chuckled, “Sex toys?”

“Oh god, you have no idea…” I laughed.  “But focus, we’re talking about Jules!”

“You can’t throw out a statement about living with sex toys and expect me to just ignore it!” he laughed.

I was so happy to see the sparkle back in his eyes and his real smile, “Babe, I promise we’ll have the sex toy talk soon, and trust me… you’ll enjoy it.” I wiggled my eyebrows at him and leaned in to kiss him.  After a hearty kiss that took my breath away I shook my head to clear it as we resumed the walk to my house, “Okay so Jules…”

“Uh huh…” he mumbled with a grin.

“Of course I didn’t know anything about why she was the way she was… I didn’t know about the asshole who’d dumped her and the baby.  I just knew the Jules who always had a new guy on her arm, ya know?  But one day I get this call from her and she says she wants to come down and visit me.  So she flies down here and I could tell right away that something was on her mind, but I let her just relax and settle in.  We just hung out on the beach with Vinnie and talked about random stuff until she finally opened up.  She told me all about the broken engagement and the baby in college and then she told me that she was pregnant with Miles.  So there she was, the perpetual bachelorette knocked up and totally freaked out about it.  She never wanted to be in love again and certainly didn’t plan on having any kids but all of a sudden she was faced with this pregnancy and everything changed.  After many long conversations and lots of tears she finally decided that there was no way she was going to give up the baby or end the pregnancy.  She wasn’t with the dad either, he knows about Miles but is an asswipe and doesn’t care.”   I rolled my eyes and Kevin chuckled at the look on my face, “Don’t get me started on him…” I said and smiled.  “Anyway she decided to keep the baby and I promised that I’d be with her the whole way and we’d figure it out together…”

We were back at the house and I had Kevin sit on the deck with Vinnie so we didn’t get copious amounts of sand in the house and I dashed inside to grab an envelope before returning to sit with Kevin.  I kept the envelope in my lap and faced Kevin holding his hands in mine.  “So you saw how I get when I see Miles…” I said and chuckled.  Kevin smiled and nodded.  “I was there when he was born… saw him come right out and it was the coolest fucking thing I’ve ever seen.  And as soon as I got to hold him in my arms and look down at that gorgeous little face I fell in love.”  I chuckled as my eyes welled up with tears just thinking about it.  “It didn’t take long for me to start getting the itch… you know, to have a kid.  I’d watch Miles and Jules and my heart just tugged because all of a sudden I wanted that so bad for myself… So I started to seriously consider it.  I mean, I was single and had no prospects of being with anyone so my options were pretty much to get a donor, or adopt.  Christian and Josef even talked about being donors for me for a while too but I finally decided that there are so many babies out there who need to be loved, so why should I spend so much time trying to find someone to make a baby with when there are babies just waiting for someone to be their Mama?”  Kevin’s attention to what I was saying was killing me, and I tried my best to hurry up and get to the point.  “Anyway so I went through the whole adoption process.  I hooked up with a private agency that works mostly with high end clients and celebrities so that my business wouldn’t get all out in the public.  I was approved a few months ago to adopt and put on a waiting list because there’s apparently a huge demand for kids.”  I picked up the envelope and pulled out the letter that was inside.  I looked down at it rereading it before looking back at Kevin with a smile, “As of right now, I’m number two on the list…”

I gave him the letter and he looked down at it reading it carefully, “Wow…”

“Yeah…” I said and waited for him to look at me again.  “I got the letter while you were in Kentucky and then when you came back we were busy with the sleepover and then the sex yesterday..” I grinned and Kevin did too.  “I kind of just didn’t think about it.  I wasn’t sure how to even bring it up but all of a sudden there you were talking about her and wanting kids and well…” I shrugged with tears suddenly welling up in my eyes again.  I reached out and cupped his cheek in my hand, “I guess what I’m trying to tell you Kev is that there’s no need for you to worry about me lying to you about wanting kids like she did.  And although I fully expected to do the single mom thing when a baby became available, I wouldn’t exactly put up a fight if you wanted to hang out and try this with me.”  I smiled at him as he turned his face to kiss the inside of my hand and then wrapped his hand around mine.  “I could get a call any day now telling me that they’ve got a baby for me.  Or for us…”

Kevin reached out and wiped away a tear that slid down my face and then pulled me in for a kiss.  “Do you know how amazing you are?” he then whispered against my lips.

I chuckled and more tears fell from my eyes, “No…”

“You are…”

“I don’t want to freak you out, Kev…” I said and pulled back wiping my cheeks.  “I feel like a crazy woman even talking about kids with you this early in our relationship but this was all rolling before I even met you and it could be my reality very soon.  It was one of those things that I didn’t talk about because I didn’t want to jinx it so I almost forgot about it and figured it would happen when it happened.  I didn’t exactly expect to fall in love this summer.  I didn’t expect you to come into my world and suddenly find myself for the first time in my life having thoughts about how my kids would look with someone…”

“We’d make damn cute kids…” he said quietly with a smile.

I smiled and nodded whispering back, “Yeah we would. So… no strings.  I mean, if I get the call and I get a kid, I want you here but I don’t want you to think you’re being pressured or anything, okay?  If you decide that it’s not your thing or we don’t end up staying together, I can totally dig that. It could be a while before I get a call anyway and who knows where we’ll be by then but you needed to know so that if it does happen you aren’t totally blindsided.  God, can you imagine me being all ‘um, yeah by the way I’m gunna have a kid in a couple of weeks so deal with it…’ that would scare any normal man away.  I swear I’m the weirdest most complicated person in the…”

“Kel…” Kevin said with a laugh putting his thumb on my lips to stop me from talking while his hand held my face gently.  “You’re rambling.  It’s totally okay.  And when it happens, we’ll deal with it.  Alright?”  I nodded with his thumb still covering my lips.  “Thank you… for telling me though.  And for the offer to do this with you when the time comes...  That is one of the most amazing things anyone has ever offered me.” His eyes welled up with tears which pretty much killed me and I got all choked up.

I kissed his thumb and he moved it, “Thank you for telling me about Kristin… I pretty much hate her now, you know?” I laughed and Kevin did too as he nodded.  “But I’m glad that you trust me so much.  I know it has to be hard to trust anyone after what she did to you.”

“It is…” he said with a nod.  “But I’m finding out that for certain people, it’s worth it.”  He smiled that beautiful smile at me again, the one that made his eyes sparkle and I fell further for him.  I started crying again and he chuckled and pulled me into his arms, “We’re a mess…”

“I know…” I hiccupped against his chest.  “Is it too early for I love you?”

He shrugged, “Maybe, but it feels right…”

“Yeah it does.”

He made me look at him and smiled, “I love you…”

That made me cry even harder and then I laughed at myself, “I love you too…”

“So stop crying,” he said and laughed.

“In a minute…” I said and snuggled back against his chest.

He held me there until I’d stopped crying and then kissed the top of my head with a smile, “So let’s talk about the sex toys…”

Kevin and I spent another couple of days in bliss together with the occasional interruption by Jules or someone else who needed to discuss “Book Stuff” with me.  After two leisurely days in bed with Kevin I could honestly say that I was head over heels in lust and in love with the man and I was pretty sure he felt the same way about me.  I’d been in love before, or at least I thought I had been, but whatever I’d experienced was nothing compared to what I felt with Kevin.  With him I felt like my entire world revolved around being with him and instead of it being scary and feeling like a stalker, it just felt right.  Pretty much everything I did led my thoughts back to him and would then be followed up with a great big goofy smile, my face blushing three shades, and my body swooning with aftershocks of happiness from whatever sexcapade we’d most recently participated in.  To put it simply, it was pretty damn cool.

After our whole talk about Kevin’s marriage and children, the only Big Ticket item we still needed to discuss was my brother and how he died.  As usual though I kept putting it off and making a billion excuses about why I needed to wait “just a little longer” before I told Kevin my big dark secret.  We’d be walking Vinnie on the beach and I’d think about spilling my guts then would think, “But it’s such a lovely moment and I don’t want to cry…”  Or we’d be lounging around after dinner and instead of telling him I’d think, “But I really want to jump him right now… maybe after sex…” I basically had an excuse for every situation but the closer we got to leaving for New York the more I knew I had to bite the bullet and tell him my story.

Finally one morning after we’d watched the sunrise and I had my usual tears in my eyes I whispered to Kevin, “Ask me about Sean…”

“Hmm?” he asked and kissed my temple, he was sitting behind me and I was leaning back against him.

I closed my eyes and cleared my throat, “Ask me about Sean.”

“What do you want me to ask?”

“I’ve been trying to get up the nerve to tell you about him but I can’t do it. If you ask me though I won’t be able to say no.  Just ask me.” 

My hands and body were starting to shake with nervousness and Kevin wrapped his arms tighter around me before speaking quietly in my ear, “Tell me about your brother, baby.”

I paused for a moment trying to figure out how the hell to start and finally just began blurting things out in a rambling mess, “I’ve never told anyone this, Kev.  People who knew me before he died know what happened but anyone I’ve met since has never known the details.  I never knew how to say it let alone how to deal with questions that people would have so I just didn’t do it.  I figured that telling people that he was dead was enough information, I didn’t need to go any further.  He’s been gone for almost seven years and I’ve never told anyone…”

“Just take your time… I’m not going anywhere, okay?”

I nodded and sighed, “I know… and Kev, I really do want to tell you.  It’s just… hard.”

He rubbed his hands up and down my arms, “I know, baby…”

“You know we lived together, right?”

“Mmm hmm…”

“The year he died he was working on finishing his bachelor’s degree in business.  I was writing full time by then so I had a decent amount of money coming in and we got this amazing apartment in Tribeca with this awesome view of the city… We got a great deal on the rent because Josef knew the guy who owned the building and there was this awful leak in the apartment…” I laughed thinking about the apartment.  “We were on the top floor so we had the best view and yet every time it rained or it snowed and then melted we had water leaking all over.  It was to the point where we had buckets strategically placed in the apartment and had taped circles around the buckets on the floors.  But the guy who owned the building knew how much it would cost to properly fix the leaks and wasn’t ready to do it so we got cheap rent in exchange for quick fixes that never worked for long.”

“Sounds fun…” Kevin said with a smile in his voice.

“It was…” I said and nodded with a smile.  “We had so much fun in that place… Christian was practically our third roommate too, he was there all the time.  It was just a really great time, you know?”

Kevin nodded and put his chin on my shoulder, “Then what happened?”

“Sean was doing an internship in this big company that was basically his dream job.  They loved him and were totally going to hire him after graduation.  He loved everything about that damn job.  We lived close enough that he could walk to work and didn’t have to pay for transit.  We could even see his office from the balcony of our apartment. As happy as he was though, I hated where he worked.  It always gave me the heebie geebies and he knew it.  Every time I would see the building I’d grab my locket and pause to send him happy vibes.  Even if he wasn’t at work and was with me, I’d still do it and he’d roll his eyes and laugh at me.  But I always said that it didn’t matter that he wasn’t there because the next time he was there my love would be there waiting for him.”

“That’s cool…”

“He thought it was silly but he also tolerated it.  He knew that I had my twinges of psychic stuff like Mom and he just appeased me.”  I turned so that I was sitting sideway with my legs hanging over the side of the chair and I could see Kevin’s face.  “I don’t get clear pictures like my Mama does, I just get feelings sometimes.  Like I’ll know something bad is going to happen before it happens.  And sometimes I know when someone is going to die… I might not know who is going to die, but I know that it’s going to happen. It’s scary… the death one.  It’s only happened a few times though, thankfully.  The first time I felt it was when I was just a kid and my dad died.  I didn’t know what was going on, I just knew I felt ‘weird.’  But then years later when my grandma died I got that same feeling and I totally remembered feeling the same way before with my dad.  Then a celebrity that I had this huge crush on died and it happened again.  So that’s how I labeled it the death feeling.”  Kevin nodded as I played with the hem of my tee shirt and stared at my lap.  “I felt it the day that Sean died.  I knew it had something to do with his work and I begged him to stay home.  He wasn’t even supposed to work that day, he had Tuesdays off because he had a class on Tuesday afternoons.  But someone he worked for had a birthday wasn’t going to be in the office and she asked him to do her a favor by going into the office to tie something up for her.”  I paused as my chin trembled and I started to cry, “I didn’t think he was going to die, I just wanted to keep him away from whatever was going to happen because I knew someone was going to die.  I begged him, I cried, I pleaded for him for him to get someone else to do his errand but he insisted on going.”  I wiped tears from my cheeks and took a shaky breath, “He said, ‘Come on, Kel… if something that bad was going to happen Mom would know and she would have called by now…’  He also said that I was being overly emotional because I was tired.  He knew I’d been up all night writing a chapter for a book and it was a really emotional chapter which always takes a lot out of me.”  I shook my head and looked at Kevin, my eyes filling up with tears all over again, “He made sense… I was tired and I trusted that we would have heard from Mama if something terrible was going to happen.  So I let him go…”  My voice caught in my throat as I let out a sob.  “…and I never saw him again.”

Kevin pulled me into his arms again and kissed my temple over and over, “It wasn’t your fault.”

“I’m his big sister… I’m supposed to protect him, I’m supposed to make sure he’s safe.  It didn’t matter that he was an adult, he was still my baby brother, Kevin… I was supposed to protect him.”

“Oh, baby…” he sighed, his lips against my head.  “Baby, I don’t know what happened to him but unless you were right there and you had a part in his death, this… whatever happened… is not your fault.  It might feel like it, but it’s not…”

“If I’d been able to make him stay though…”

“Honey, what happened to him?”

I closed my eyes and held onto Kevin tight, “His office was in the north tower of the World Trade Center… on a floor above where the plane hit.  He was one of the people who couldn’t evacuate because the explosion from the plane ruined the stairways.”

“Oh, Jesus…” Kevin sighed and squeezed his arms around me.  “Kel…”

“He shouldn’t have been there, Kevin. I should have been able to stop him but I gave up.  He… I… I just gave up.   He wasn't supposed to be there, it was Tuesday.”

“I know it feels like you should have done more to protect him, but honey no one knew what was going to happen that day.  Weird feeling or not, you didn’t know… You asked him to stay home, you told him why, and he made the choice to go.  Baby, please don’t do this to yourself… you are not responsible, the terrorists are.  The people who planned it, hijacked the plane and flew it into the building… they are the ones responsible.”

I nodded against Kevin’s chest, “I know… I really do know that.  But I can’t help but feel like I didn’t do enough.” 

Kevin held me for the longest time and I held on tight to him just looking out at the beach listening to and watching the waves.  When I spoke again my throat was scratchy from crying and my voice sounded a lot like I had a bad case of laryngitis.  “His tower was the first one hit, but the one that fell last.  I was on the phone with him when the second plane hit and I could hear it both through the phone and from our balcony.  And when that first tower fell… God, Kev… I knew he was going to die.  He did too.  He told me how sorry he was that he hadn’t listened to me and he joked about how he never did listen to me enough.  He was about to die and he was cracking jokes…”

“Sounds like a great guy…”

I nodded and bit my lip as I cried all over again, “He told me that all the love I’d sent to his office was right there with him and that no matter what he knew how much I loved him and he was going to be okay.  I sat there and watched his building burning and listened to him trying to make me feel better and I couldn’t do a god damn thing.  I never felt so fucking helpless in my life.  And then at 10:28 am I watched him die.  I watched him fall out of the sky with thousands of people and just die…”

“So how much of Tuesday Morning was about you?”

“Pretty much all of it…” I said and shrugged.  “I wrote it when I’d left New York and I’d come down here to stay with Mama for a while.  I didn’t know what I was going to do or where I was going to live but I knew I couldn’t stay in that apartment anymore.  I came down here and slept for a week and anytime I wasn’t sleeping I was crying.  Then one night I started writing.  I couldn’t stop… I wrote for three days straight barely stopping for anything and then the first draft was done.  I wasn’t writing it to publish it, I was writing it for my mom and for me. The morning I finished writing it was the first time I watched the sun rise over the water.  I sat there and cried because it was so beautiful and it was the first time since Sean was killed that I felt like there was anything good left in the world.  I gave the story to my mom to read and she sat down and didn’t move until she’d read the whole thing.  We cried together of course and she told me that the story needed to be shared with the world.  I didn’t believe her… Of course I was delirious by then because I hadn’t slept in days…” I chuckled and looked at Kevin wiping my tears on my sleeves.  He smiled and tucked my hair behind my ears.  “But she made me promise to at least have my editors look at it.  The rest is history…”

“Oprah’s Book Club history…” Kevin said with a grin.

I smiled and nodded, “Yeah… It’s funny cause Sean gave me my locket when my first book was published.  The card that he put in the box said that he couldn’t wait for the day that I’d be on Oprah because she’d chosen my book for her club.  And the picture that’s in here of us…” I said and opened up the locket to show Kevin.  “It was that same night and he was cracking us all up acting out how he was going to act when he met Oprah.  We were laughing so hard I almost pissed my pants but Christian was snapping pictures and this one was the best.”

“I can totally see how much you two love each other in this picture…” Kevin said as he looked at the photo. 

“That’s what Christian said too.  And it was so true… it’s one of my all time favorite pictures of us.  I knew right away that I had to use it in my locket.  Now it just means that much more because the book I wrote because of Sean was what led me to Oprah and even though he wasn’t able to meet her, he was there with me the whole time, you know?”

“That’s awesome…”

I nodded and looked at Kevin, “I miss him so much.”  My eyes filled up and tears spilled down my face, “Going to New York is really hard now.  I’m usually okay after a little while but I kind of freak out at first.  That’s why I needed you to know before we go… I didn’t want to go all bat shit crazy on you and you not have any idea what’s going on.”

Kevin chuckled and wiped tears off of my face, “I appreciate that…”

“Did I scare you away?” I teased with a grin.

“Maybe a little…” he laughed and then ducked as I reached out to smack him.  “Kidding!  I’m kidding! I’m not going anywhere…”  He kissed me and then pulled me into a hug, “Thank you, for letting me be the first person you’ve told your story to.”

“Thanks for listening…” I whispered against his chest. 

“Thanks for crying all over my shirt…”

I giggled, “Thanks for being my snot rag…”

He tipped my face up so I’d look at him and he smiled, “Thanks for the amazing sex we’re about to have…”

I held his face in my hands, “Thanks for loving me…”

He grinned and leaned in to kiss me but stopped to whisper against my lips first, “Ditto, baby…"

“So guess what, Chris?” I asked over the phone with a huge grin on my face.

“You forgot that I’m generally awake at this time of morning?”

I giggled, “No, I remembered that but I had to call you.  So guess what?”

“I have no idea, honey… what is it?” he asked with a yawn.  It wasn’t that early, only ten a.m., but for Christian any time before eleven is too early.

“I told Kevin…”

He yawned again, “Help me out, babe… you told him what?”

“About Sean.  I told him everything.”

“Holy shit… when?”

“This morning after the sunrise.  I made him ask me to tell him and I did.”

“Oh, honey… I’m so proud of you!”

I grinned like a goon, “I know, right?  God, it was hard but once I got going it sort of just all came rambling out and before I knew it, I’d told him everything.  Of course I still cried my fool head off, but it was good, Chris.  But you want to know the best part?”

“Of course I do…” Christian said with a grin in his voice, he sounded much more alert all of a sudden.

“After I told him about it, we went back to bed for a couple hours and I didn’t have the nightmare. Maybe it was a fluke, and it’ll come back tonight but I actually slept without the nightmare just days before going to New York!”

“I want to hug you so bad right now…” he said and laughed.  “Baby, I’m so happy for you!  How does it feel to have everything out in the open with Kevin?”

“Fan-fucking-tastic…” I said and giggled.  “He knows about Sean, I know about his stupid ex whore… and we’re in love and it’s just…” I sighed happily and giggled again.  “Amazing.”

He laughed, “I love that you call the ex wife, Stupid Whore.”

“Me too…” I giggled.  “Plus it gets a grin out of Kev every time I do it.”

“So it’s definitely worth it.”

“Yep… Anyway, speaking of Mr. Sexy, he should be about done with his shower so I need to be there for the Happy Towel Moment.  I just wanted to share with you…”

“I’m glad you did, babe… it’s awesome.”

“Even though I woke you up?”

“Yeah… now go away so I can sleep another half hour,” he said and giggled.  “Call me later.”

“Will do, love you!”

I closed my cell phone and got back in my bedroom in perfect timing.  As I went about resuming packing for our overnight trip to take Vinnie to my mom, Kevin was just opening up the bathroom door and walking out in all his sexy wetness.  I couldn’t help but stop in my tracks and sigh at the sight. When he laughed at me and shook his head I grinned, “I can’t help it… you’re fucking hot and when I see you all half naked and drippy like that I have to sigh because I know all of that…” I motioned toward his body with my hand, “Is all for me.”  I fanned myself with my hand, “You’re just too damn pretty, Richardson…”

“I’m not complaining, I’m flattered…” he said with a grin.  “You’re going to give me a huge ego though.”

“It’ll go well with the other huge body parts you have…” I said and seriously cracked up.  I laughed so hard I had to bend over at the waist and hold my stomach.   

He tried not to laugh but when I snorted and fell over onto the bed he lost it and laughed too, “Seriously?  You’re making dick jokes?”

“I prefer the word cock actually…” I said, still laughing hysterically on my back on the bed.  “Much dirtier… cock.”

“My God, she’s lost her mind, Vinnie…” Kevin said looking at the dog.  He was lying on his new doggie bed that we had to buy for him since Kevin was becoming a permanent fixture in my bed and there wasn’t room in it for all three of us.  Vinnie looked up at Kevin like, “Duh” and then closed his eyes to snooze some more.  Kevin looked back to me and laughed at me still laying there giggling over my own joke. “You are in a fantastic mood…” he said and sat down next to me on the bed running his fingers through my nearly dry hair, I’d showered before him. 

“Yep…” I said looking up at him with a grin.  “And I want pancakes… so I say we hit up IHop before we get on the road…”

“Sounds good to me…” he said then kissed me as I sat up, finished with my giggle fit.  “And I promise not to mention the C-A-R like I did earlier…”

We both giggled.  Kevin had this amazing inability to remember that at the mere mention of the words “walk,” “car,” or “dog park” that Vinnie would go nuts.  The night before when we’d been talking about the trip to my mom’s Kevin mentioned loading the car Vinnie lost it.  He went running around the house like he was on speed knocking things over with his tail, pulled his leash from the hook on the wall and carried it around in his mouth waiting for us to leave.  Once Vin gets it in his head that he’s going for a ride he’s relentless, so at midnight we took him for a ride just so he’d calm down and get some sleep.  “Good idea… he can’t go to IHop, although he would love it.”

An hour and a half later when we were thoroughly stuffed with pancakes and coffee, and had brought Vinnie a short stack of his own pancakes to inhale, we were on the road to my mom’s house.  Vinnie with his head happily hanging out of the back window, and me in the passenger seat fiddling with yarn while Kevin drove. 

“So what’s with the yarn, babe?”

I cussed at a knot in the yarn that was proving a pain in my ass to untangle, “This brand always, always knots.  Such a pain.  It’s beautiful yarn but geesh, you’d think they’d figure out a way to keep it from tangling before it’s purchased!  I can tangle it up on my own just fine, thank you…”   

Kevin laughed, “But what’s it for?”

“Huh?” I asked and looked up from my knot disaster.  “Oh… didn’t I tell you?  It’s for a hat for you.  I’ve never been the best with flying, but when I was in high school I took a trip to California and realized that if I have something to keep my hands busy then I don’t freak out so much on the plane.  The woman I sat next to was knitting and she showed me how.”

“Aww, you’re knitting me a hat?” he said with a grin.

I grinned back, “Yeah.  I saw this yarn and had to buy it for you.  I think the green in it is going to make your eyes pop…” I glanced at him and saw the blush creep over his face that was always there when I talked about how pretty his eyes were.  “I don’t knit nearly enough anymore since I moved down here, but when I’m flying I always have to have something to knit, and usually when I do book tours I knit a lot more too because of all of the boring hours in hotels.”  I laughed at a memory, “I literally stabbed Christian with a needle on my last book tour because we were flying and he was making fun of me saying that I was like a little grandma with her knitting.  I didn’t mean to break the skin, but I was already in a pissy mood and he was calling me Grannie over and over.  He threatened to tell the flight attendants that I had a ‘weapon.’”

“You broke the skin?” Kevin asked and laughed.  “Note to self, never call Kel, Grannie.”

I grinned, keeping my eyes on the yarn, I could almost see the end of the knotted tunnel, “Good idea… especially if you want to keep having The Sex.”

“Oh I do…” he chuckled.

I released the last knot then threw my hands up in triumph, “Yes!  You’re so my bitch now, Yarn!” Kevin and I both giggled and I began resumed rolling the yarn into a ball.  I looked at him and smiled, “Anyway, I think you’ll be sexy in it, so it’s for you…”

“I’m sure I’ll love it…” he said with his eyes still on the road and a big smile on his face. “So are there any other things I should know before we go to New York?  Any weird habits, traditions?  Sharp objects that I need to stay away from?” he asked with a laugh.

I thought about it and smiled, “I don’t think so… We’ll have to eat at Josef’s restaurant at least once, that’s a given.  And there’s a yarn shop that I can’t go to the City without stopping by.  I like to get Starbucks and drink it in Central Park if there’s time.  Lots and lots of baby hogging of Miles… Nothing that should injure you though, unless we get really kinky whilst having The Sex.”

He laughed, “You know, we never did talk about those sex toys of yours… I’m not kidding, I want details.”

It was my turn to blush as I focused on my yarn ball, “Well let’s just say that I was single for a long time and a girl has to do what a girl has to do to stay… satisfied.”

“So we’re talking multiple toys?”

“Mmm hmm…” my face was burning.

“Like how many?”

“I dunno…” I mumbled.

“Liar.  How many?”

I rolled my eyes, “A few…”

“More than three?”

“Yeah…”

“More than five?”

“Maybe…” I said and couldn’t help but grin.

“Damn…”

I shrugged, “Like I said… single a long time.” 

I finished rolling the yarn and put it into the bag at my feet.  Kevin grabbed my hand, kissed it, then held it in his, “That’s something I’ve never done… toys…”

“Really?” I asked and looked at him with wide eyes.  “You never have?”

“Never.”

“What, Stupid Whore didn’t approve of them?” I asked with a chuckle.

He laughed, “Basically… I bought something once.  She thought it was ‘gross.’”

“What was it?” I asked, totally turned on by the thought of Kevin wanting to use sex toys.

“Oh I don’t know… just something that looked interesting.”

“Who’s the liar now?  What was it?”  I waited as he chewed on the inside of his lip, his thoughtful look.  “Dude, if you want to see any of my toys and use them, you have to tell me!”  I leaned over and kissed his cheek then whispered in his ear, “Plus I think it’s way sexy that you like toys…”  I sucked on his earlobe for a split second and he swerved the car a touch.  I tried not to giggle at him as I sat back in my seat, “Spill it, Heartthrob.”

“Fine.  It was a vibrating cock ring.  It had this little thing on it that was supposed to work on her and me at the same time. Never got to use it though.”

I shivered in my seat and was pretty sure my vision went blurry for a second at the thought of sex with Kevin mixed with a vibrating cock ring, “Sweet Baby Jesus…” I muttered and fanned myself.

Kevin laughed, “What?”

“Sorry… I just had a sensory memory of sexing you mixed with one of a vibrator and wow… I think I may have just come.”

“Well shit…” he laughed.  “Had I known it turned you on that much I would have told you a long time ago.”

“Oh honey…” I giggled.  “You have no idea… When we get back home tomorrow night, I have something very special for you. Till then we’ll just have to stick to straight vanilla fucking.”

“Have I mentioned lately that I love you?” he asked with a grin as he glanced at me.  My heart did its usual flip-flop at hearing the words and I couldn’t help but smile.

“More than Stupid Whore?”

He laughed, “Way more than Stupid Whore. She didn’t even want to even hear about the cock ring I bought.  It was like it was a non-issue.  I understand that toys aren’t for everyone, but she could have at least tried it once for me.”

“Exactly…” I said and squeezed his hand. “But now that you’re with a true freak, you have nothing to worry about anymore.  Don’t ever, ever be afraid to tell me your fantasies, baby.”

“Ditto for you…” he said raising my hand to his lips once more.  “I can only imagine the stuff that’s in your head.”

I smirked and looked out the window at the passing scenery, “Oh you have no idea…”

“Honey, how’s your foot?” my mom asked me while she, Kevin, Vinnie, and I lounged around her sun room enjoying the breeze coming in off of the water through the windows.  Vinnie was sharing a couch with my mom with his head resting in her lap while she gave his ears a good rub and he slept.  Kevin and I meanwhile shared the opposite love seat.

“Um… fine?” I said looking at her in confusion.  I looked at Kevin and he laughed with a shrug.  I groaned, “Oh shit… is something going to happen to my foot? Mamaaaaa…” I was whining but I didn’t care.  The last thing I needed right before heading to New York was an injured foot.

“I don’t know…” she said simply.  “I thought you’d hurt your foot though.”

“Which means I will… freaking hell…”

Kevin wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me close so he could kiss my temple, “It’ll be okay…”

“Said the guy who gave me a concussion…” I said with a sigh and then giggled.

“I took care of you then, didn’t I?  If you get hurt I’ll take care of you all over again.” 

I smiled and kissed him, “You’re lucky you’re so sweet… and that you’re good in bed.”

He blushed but laughed and kissed me back, “Smartass…”

I looked at my mom who was watching us with pride gushing out of every pore, “No really, Mama… do you have details?  Is it like a stubbed toe or is my foot going to be chopped off at the ankle?”

My mom and Kevin laughed together, “Honey, I’m sure you’re not going to lose a foot.  But I don’t know anything else.  I just had this feeling that your left foot, maybe the ankle, was in pain.”

I laid my face against Kevin’s chest and closed my eyes, “Last time she imagined me in pain I broke my wrist… Can you imagine me doing television interviews doped up on Vicodin? Lord help us…” I chuckled and he squeezed me.  I opened my eyes again, “Any other psychic gems you want to warn us about before we go to New York?” I teased looking at my mom.  A look flickered over her face that I knew all too well.  She knew something but was trying to hide it.  She totally sucked at hiding things from me.  I sat up and pointed at her, “I saw that!  Don’t you dare tell me I didn’t, I saw it!”

“Saw what?” Kevin asked with a grin.

“She’s hiding something… She knows something about the trip and she’s hiding it.”

Kevin looked at my mom with a playfully raised eyebrow, “Oh really, wise one?”

My mom rolled her eyes at Kevin but then chuckled followed by a sigh, “It’s nothing bad, Monkey.  Just something that’ll…” She paused trying to find the right words, “Well let me put it this way, it’ll be sort of your first challenge as a couple, nothing big, just something you’ll get through together.  It’ll be a good thing.”

Kevin and I looked at each other before looking back at my mom, “What the hell does thaaaat mean?” 

Kevin laughed at the whine in my voice and when I shot him an evil look he giggled even more, “Sorry… I’ve just never heard you whine like this, it’s amusing.”

I looked back at my mom, “What does it mean?”

“I wish I could tell you specifics but you know I can’t, honey.  But like I said, it’s nothing big.”

“So Kevin and I will be tested and I’m going to hurt my foot…” I said and pondered what she was telling us.  “Someone is going to go all Tonya Harding on me and beat my left ankle with a pipe, right?  And then Kevin’s going to beat their ass and save the day.”

Kevin laughed so hard tears were falling down his cheeks which only made me giggle like a nut.  My mom shook her head and ran her fingers over Vinnie’s soft head in her lap, “That’s exactly it… You figured it out.”

We’d sat around my mom’s house eating, talking and drinking wine until late in the night just hanging out and trying to avoid talking about my big trip to New York.  I was one of those, “Let’s just not talk about it” girls when it came to my book releases, my mom was used to it and Kevin was a quick learner so he picked up real fast not to mention it.  It was a lovely relaxing day and when my mom and Vinnie finally decided to go off to bed I smirked at Kevin, “Know what time it is?”

He took at look at his wrist pretending to look for a watch, “Not a clue…”

I crawled into his lap and began kissing his face, “Time for… The Sex.”

“Tell me this… why do you call it The Sex?”

“Because it’s so much more than sex.  Sex is what we’ve had with exes, The Sex is what we have.  It’s an event in itself.  A breath of fresh air in a stinky bathroom, a rainbow after a storm, puppy breath, baby feet and sunshine.  It’s not just sex, it’s…” I paused dramatically and wiggled my eyebrows, “The Sex.”

He chuckled but when I sucked on his neck the chuckle turned into a moan, “I thought you were kidding about sex in your mom’s house…”

“Heck no…” I said and began pulling his shirt over his head.

“Kel…” he said, alarm in his voice as I tugged the shirt off of him.  “Your mom just went to bed, she’s still awake…”

I bent to lick his nipple with a grin, “Yep…”

When I sucked his nipple into my mouth and then bit gently on it while my hand purposely brushed the growing bulge in his pants he pushed his hips up toward mine, “Oh, Jesus…”

I giggled and jumped up pulling him by the hand toward the room we were staying in. I closed the door behind us and began unbuttoning his pants.  He grinned a delicious grin at me and I bit my lip looking up at him as I slid my hands down into his pants over his ass.  I love his ass.  "Aren’t you worried about your mom walking in on us?"

"Nope…"

"Aren’t you at least going to lock the door?"

“Nope… no lock."

I pushed his pants to the floor along with his boxers revealing his glorious erection. "Aren’t you worried that she’ll hear us?"

"Nope…"

I dropped to my knees and ran my tongue up the underside of his length causing him to shudder. I repeated the motion, only slower and he groaned. "Fuck…"

"Soon…" I smiled and then took him into my mouth.

I worked my magic on him and his fingers wove their way into my hair as his hips moved closer to me, "Shit, Kel… oh god don’t stop that…"

I didn’t. I kept sucking him until I knew he was at the point of no return and then I deep throated him as he came with a muffled groan as he tried to stay quiet. I kissed along his length slowly before standing back up facing him with a grin. I licked my lips and then kissed him. He moaned into my mouth as he tasted himself on my tongue and I pulled back smiling. "Like that?"

He shook his head, "You’re something else, you know that?"

I shrugged with a smile and nodded, "Yup…"

"You know what else?" he asked with that killer grin again.

"Hmm?"

He leaned his face close to mine and slid his tongue along my neck slowly producing a gasp from me and then whispered in my ear, "I’m going to love you so good tonight you’re going to want to scream…"

That was all it took. His words cut right through me and I couldn’t imagine being more turned on than I already was right then. He undressed me and everywhere his fingers touched me I felt shocks. You know those shocks that rush through your body and immediately surge to all of your erogenous zones just because someone who you love touched you with the perfect amount of pressure? God I loved his touches. Kevin never lost the gift of letting his fingers roam all over my skin as his mouth did other things. I didn’t know where he learned that or who taught it to him, but I was so thankful for it. Just kissing me and touching he could bring me to climax, and he knew it. He also knew just when to pull away and start all over again. It was the most erotic and frustrating sensation all at once.

He pushed me back gently onto the bed and took my hands in his raising them above my head before letting go and running them over my skin and making me squirm. He began kissing all over my body. My neck, my cheeks, my lips… teasing with a bit of tongue before pulling away and moving on to other parts. Unable to watch him anymore because just seeing his mouth on my skin made me hot I closed my eyes and tipped my head back trying to hang on as long as I could. His mouth covered one of my breasts and then I felt his tongue flick over the nipple causing me to bite my lip so not to make any noise audible to my mom. He kept at my breasts for what seemed like an eternity and I was losing it. My hands were closed around the poles of the headboard, my breath shallow and my body calling out for him. "Oh god, Kevin please…" I sighed.

"Hang in there baby…" he whispered against my skin as he kissed over my stomach and his hands rubbed over my hips.

"Kevin…"

"Shh…" he smiled as I writhed beneath him and he dipped his head between my legs.

"Oh fuck…" I cried as quietly as possible as his fingers spread a path for his tongue and he began licking me slowly. As if my eyes weren’t already rolled far enough into my head, Kevin’s thumb rubbed at my clit as his tongue slid inside of me exploring expertly. I could feel myself beginning to tremble and we both knew I was dangerously close to the edge. I was panting… literally panting trying to hang on because what he was doing to me felt so damn good but I also knew that was about to happen would be even better. Kevin knew too because just as I was about to cross over into pure elation he did it again, he pulled away. "No…" I whined pitifully. "Oh god, Kevin don’t stop…"

Before I could protest any further Kevin was on top of me covering my mouth with his. I love his tongue. I whimpered against his kiss as he let me taste my sex on him and his hands resumed roaming my body. As quickly as he’d let me down he’d worked me back up just by touching me and then I felt him push into me slowly. I moaned and felt my body go weak. Kevin let out a moan of his own as he pushed all of the way into me and stilled for a moment before moving again. "I love you…"

I nodded, "I… yeah… oh…"

Kevin chuckled which only aided to the feelings running through my body and he kissed me softly. He pulled my hands from the headboard and took them in his own squeezing them as he moved in and out of me with a familiar speed pushing us both toward release. When he started to rotate his hips in a circular motion as he thrust I literally thought I was going to stop breathing because it felt so good and I wanted to scream out so bad. I began to wonder if I was going to make it without screaming but the more Kevin moved within me the less I cared. I didn’t care if the whole world heard me come, Kevin was amazing and he was all mine.

Knowing my body as well as he did Kevin knew that within a few more moves I would be gone and although he’d promised me that I’d want to scream, he by all means didn’t want to face my mother the next morning having her know that we’d been screwing in her house and she’d heard us. He kissed me hard as he thrust harder and deeper into me sending the pleasure wave washing over my body with an amazing force. Continuing to kiss through his own climax we moaned into one each other’s mouth and kept amazingly quiet for as forceful our orgasms were. I pulled my mouth away from his and gasped for air as I was finally able to breathe again while my body trembled beneath his and I wrapped my legs around his waist continuing to move with him until he stopped.

His head fell beside mine and he let go of my hands. I ran my fingers through his sweaty hair and closed my eyes as I tried to catch my breath. He kissed my neck gently and his breath warmed my already hot skin. "You almost screamed…" he laughed.  "I could feel it…"

I smiled and shook my head, "You’re just plain evil, Richardson… I thought I was a tease!"

"I’m not a tease…" he grinned as he rolled over pulling me into his arms.  "I just wanted to make it last…"

"Oh bullshit… you wanted to torture me into screaming in my mom’s house…"

He smiled, "Well maybe a little… but I wasn’t going to actually let you scream."

I looked at him and sighed, "Oh… and I love you too…" I laughed and he did too.

"That was priceless you know? Fucked you so good you couldn’t talk…"

I nodded, "I can’t deny that… oh god, yeah you did… Just when I thought you couldn’t get any better, you pull out that hip move… good god, Kevin."

He smiled and kissed my forehead, "I’ve got a lot of tricks, baby… But most of them we can’t possibly do here in your mom’s house. You really would scream…"

I chuckled, "We could go out on the beach…"

"Perv…"

"Yes?" I laughed.

"How many times do you think we can have The Sex before the sun comes up?"

I smiled and ran my hands down his body slowly, "I don’t know, but I say we find out…"

Our flight from Daytona to New York hadn’t even left the gate when my mother’s premonition about me hurting my foot came true.  You know that place in the plane where they say, “Watch your step…” about sixteen billion times when people are getting on the plane?  Well, despite watching my step, I still managed to place my foot in some odd position that hurt like a son of a bitch.  This led to me trying to quickly get out of said position which in turn sent me head first into the flight attendant who had warned me to watch my step. As I body checked the poor guy, I also managed to land on my foot the wrong way yet again and all sorts of drama ensued.  

Christian nearly pissed his pants with laughter because like me, he is unable to watch someone fall down without laughing, and seeing that he saw me fall from behind made it even more comical.  Of course he was also making sure that I was okay while he was laughing. And frankly I was laughing too, but I’m sure people thought he was a giant asshole for laughing so hard at my pain.  I did have to slap him at one point when tears were streaming down his cheeks while he was undoubtedly replaying the fall over and over in slow motion in his head, but I knew if the tables were turned I’d be doing the same thing.

Kevin meanwhile didn’t laugh and went into Crazy Overprotective Oh My God mode.  While I insisted that I was okay and just needed an ice pack and some vodka, he was sure that we needed to get off of the plane and go straight to the hospital.  As I affixed Hello Kitty band-aids to my scrapes however, I assured him that Manhattan had hospitals too and since I was already on the plane I wasn’t getting off.

Thankfully the flight attendant, who we quickly learned was named Andrew, wasn’t hurt in our happy full-contact body hug/tackle moment.  I’m sure he had some sore muscles later on, but he happened to be one of my readers and was too excited about meeting me and reading my new book to care that I’d nearly knocked him on his ass.  I had a copy of my yet-to-be-released book in my carry on and wrote a lovely dedication to the young man before I was too drunk on vodka to form complete sentences.  He in turn was very happy and promised that he would cherish any bruises I gave him and wouldn’t tell the world what a colossal klutz I was.

I spent the remainder of the flight drinking to numb the pain and had my rapidly swelling foot elevated and wrapped in ice packs.  I didn’t get one stitch of knitting done, nor did I care, and by the time we landed in New York, my foot and ankle were all sorts of lovely shades of black and blue.  It was so colorful, in fact, that everyone, including myself, agreed that a wheelchair was needed for the deplaning process.  Then thanks to my new flight attendant friend Andrew, we were whisked through JFK on one of those beeping golf cart things. Little did I know, JFK actually has a privately owned medical center that they use for passengers who need medical attention.  Once we had our luggage we found ourselves in a private shuttle with Andrew and a representative from the airline which took us to the medical center. 

The doctor I saw told me that I had a “bad sprain,” set me up with a new bottle of my good friend Vicodin and in addition to crutches I had a lovely contraption on my foot that I could eventually walk in once I  wasn’t in as much pain. Andrew, thankfully, checked out just fine and only had a bruise on his arm where I’d grabbed him in my fruitless pursuit to avoid falling down when we’d crashed.

It wasn’t exactly how I’d envisioned my trip to New York starting, but in retrospect it actually kind of helped matters because instead of obsessing over the fact that I was in New York where the ghost of my little brother would follow me everywhere, I was more concerned with being pain-free and getting a nap worked into my schedule as soon as possible. 

I’d forgotten in all of the chaos to turn my cell phone on until after we’d left the medical center and as soon as I turned it on Jules was calling me. I answered with a giggle, “Hey, Jules… we’re here, I’m sorry I forgot to turn my phone on and well… it’s been an event.”

“You’re going to give me a heart attack one of these days, I swear.  You were supposed to be here almost three hours ago. I’ve been calling your phone and no answer… so then I start checking the news and the airlines thinking ‘Oh God they’ve had a crash…’ but there’s nothing about that.  What the heck happened?”

“Sprained my ankle-foot,” I said and giggled at my new word.  I was so high on Vicodin and the lingering vodka in my system that everything was funny to me.  Something about saying ankle-foot was cracking me up, I kept saying it over and over before falling into giggle fits.

She laughed too, “Oh bloody hell…”

“I know… it was on the plane before we even took off from Florida.  And because it involved this utterly adorable flight attendant named Andrew it was like a work place incident that they had to do paperwork on and shit.  We had an airline representative with us and everything… big shit.  Did you know JFK has its own private medical center?  And those beepy cart things are really damn fast, no wonder they beep, I thought we were going to run someone over.  Chris said he felt like a rock star which made me laugh because Kevin really is a rock star. Wait…What was I saying?”

“What drugs are you on, honey?”

“Vicodinnn and vodkaaaaah…” I purred and she giggled in my ear.  She then told me to give my phone to someone who wasn’t doped up and proceeded to talk to Christian.  He, of course, relayed the whole story to her with lots of inappropriate giggling.

By the time we’d made it to Josef’s place my vodka was wearing off and the Vicodin wasn’t exactly running through my system as well as I needed it to be.  In other words I was a whole lot of miserable.

Kevin placed a fresh ice pack on my ankle carefully and also handed me a box of tissues with a smile. I’d taken to breaking out into spontaneous crying jags when my ankle-foot would have a spike of pain and I’d get bathed in a wave of self pity.  I snatched one of the tissues out of the box with a groan, and a slight smile, then wiped at my newest set of tears, “Fucking ankle-foot…”

When he sat down with me on the couch I leaned into him and rested my head on his shoulder while hugging his arm, “Can I get you anything else?”  I shook my head against his arm and smiled when he kissed the top of my head.  “Christian said dinner should be here soon.  I think real food should help a little…”

“What, the goldfish crackers on the plane and the granola bar at the medical center isn’t enough to work with the drugs in my body?” I teased.

He chuckled, “Um, no.”  I closed my eyes and was very happy in my snuggle with Kevin’s arm while his hand rested on my thigh, his fingers dangerously close to Inner Thigh Territory but not in a horribly dirty way.  Had I not been so miserable I would have totally been taking advantage of his hand placement but not even The Sex sounded good to me right then which was a damn shame.  “Did you get a hold of your mom?”

I chuckled, “Yeah.  She wasn’t surprised, of course, but she did feel bad that I was in so much pain.  I told her that she needs to figure out how to somehow alter her premonitions so that if they’re at an inconvenient time they can be rescheduled.  She said she’d work on it.”

The doorbell rang and Christian suddenly appeared singing, “Dinner time!”  Kevin and I giggled and resumed our conversation only to be interrupted once more by Christian, “Kel, close your eyes…”

“What?”

“Close. Your. Eyes.”

“Um, why?”

“Because I have something utterly delicious to give you but I want it to be a surprise now close your freaking eyes, woman!”

I rolled my eyes first and then closed them, “Okay… now gimmie.” We all giggled and then I felt something much bigger and heavier than I expected being put into my lap.  I opened my eyes in a flash and set my sights on the most beautiful, wonderful, Baby Man in the world.  “Miles!” I cooed as I wrapped my hands around his wonderfully chubby body and grinned from one ear to ear.  He smiled a drooly smile back at me and said something to me in his own Baby Man language.  I immediately teared up as I pulled him close and put a billion and two kisses on his cheeks which made him giggle.  “Oh my god, this is the best dinner ever!”  I nibbled on Miles’ cheeks which gained more giggles and as a few tears fell down my cheeks I forgot all about my stupid ankle-foot.  I couldn’t stop hugging and kissing the child and didn’t care that everyone was staring at me as I ignored the rest of the world, I had my Baby Man and that was all that mattered.

Jules chuckled as she stood next to Christian and watched me with her kid, “This is what happens when you have a child.  Suddenly it’s all about the baby and no one even cares about the mom.  I not only carried a tank of a child across the city but I bring food as well and I don’t even get a hello.”

I glanced momentarily at Jules as I worked on nibbling on Miles’ fingers, “Sup, Jules?”

She rolled her eyes and laughed, “Hi, gorgeous.”

“I’m not giving this child up and I can’t actually get up to hug you so if you want a hug, bring your ass over here…” I told her and then resumed my Miles Love Fest.  She plopped down next to me on the couch and I then hugged her tight while still hanging on to Miles. “Hi, honey…”

“Hello, my klutz.  How’s the foot?”

“Ankle-foot…” I corrected and she laughed.  “It hurts like a mofo actually.  But it doesn’t matter anymore because I have the best pain meds in the word sitting right here in my lap.” I looked at Miles and grinned, “Oh yes I do…”  Miles kept on smiling that awesomely gummy drool-filled smile and simply melted my freaking heart. I could see his newest tooth that had just finally popped through the gums the day before.  “I see that new tooth in there!”

“Oh I know, thank god!” Jules said with a sigh.  “He’s never a whiny baby, not even when he’s teething, but it just kills me to know he’s in pain.  He looks at me like ‘What the eff is going on, Mom?’ and I can’t do anything but put more gunk on it to numb it.  He’s so much happier today now that it’s through.”

“And soon, you’ll have two perfectly matched choppers sitting side by side,” I said to Miles with a grin then kissed him again.  “The better to bite Mommy with…”

“Don’t even…” Jules said.  “He already bites with the one tooth he has!  He drew blood the other day when he bit my finger!”

I chuckled and as Miles turned his attention to Kevin I watched as Miles reached out and took Kevin’s finger.  Once his chubby, and quite drooly, hand was wrapped around Kevin’s finger Miles grinned and began shaking Kevin’s hand like it was a toy.  “Pleased to meet you too, Miles,” Kevin said with a chuckle.  Miles tried to pull Kevin’s finger into his mouth but couldn’t quite reach and instead resumed his Shaking the Hand game.

“Isn’t he just scrumptious?” I asked Kevin.

He nodded and smiled, “He truly is…”

“Oh so Jules, Kev… Kev, Jules…” I said and they said hello to each other around Miles and me.  I looked at Kevin, “She wanted to marry you but I told her you’re taken.”

Kevin blushed and laughed while Jules groaned and slapped me in the back of my head.  “I hate you.”

“But I love you!” I giggled and Miles started babbling about something.  “Miles loves you too and he says to stop hitting his God Mama Aunt Kellie.”

Jules stood up, bent to kiss Miles on the head and then looked at me with an “evil” grin. “Only if God Mama Aunt Kellie behaves…”

“Oh come on, how often do I behave?”

“Not very…” Christian mumbled with a grin as he carried plates and utensils into the room and put them on the coffee table near my perched ankle-foot.  He began opening up take out containers that filled the room with amazing smells.  I hadn’t realized how crazy hungry I was until the smell of the food hit me. 

“Oh my god you brought us Gino’s didn’t you?” I said while practically beginning to drool like Miles.

“Sure did…” she said and began helping Christian with the serving of our food.

“I love you long time…”

She giggled and nodded, “I love you too, you crazy woman.  You’re going to have to put my child down if you want to eat, you know?”

I moved Miles so that he was sitting next to me on the couch with my protective arm around him, “Uh, no...” I said and she laughed.  “He’s all mine and no one is going to take him.  You can consider yourself off Mama Duty.”  I grabbed a toy out of the diaper bag that Jules had set down next to the couch and handed it to Miles.  It immediately went into his mouth and he chewed on it like it was a great big steak.  I looked from him to Jules and then smiled, “Okay, now feed me…”

A few hours later we were all stuffed with great Italian food and my drugs were finally starting to help.  I was kicked back on the couch leaning into Kevin with Miles was conked out on my chest sleeping.  It was pretty much a perfect moment.  Kevin grinned at me as he watched me in my Miles Mode, as everyone called it.  “You’re so happy right now, it’s kind of amazing to see.”

“I told you, this kid is the love of my life.  I can’t get enough of him.  I keep trying to get Jules to move to Florida so I can see him daily.”

Kevin ran his fingers gently over Miles’ head and then kissed my cheek, “He’s beautiful, and so are you.”    

I turned my face so he could kiss me and then smiled, “Thank you.”

Jules came back into the living room after having stepped out for a phone call.  “Aww… look at my sweet boy…” she cooed when she saw Miles happily passed out.  “It still pisses me off that he’ll snuggle you like that.”

The look on Kevin’s face made me giggle before I explained, “He’s never let anyone other than me hold him like this when he’s asleep.  Ever since he was just a tiny guy, he’s always preferred being put down to sleep.  But for some reason he loves to snuggle me.  I think it’s the boobs.”

“I’m rather fond of snuggling those boobs, myself…” Christian said and giggled.  “I can’t help myself, they’re so damn comfy.”

“Amen to that…” Kevin said with his own giggle.

Jules rolled her eyes but smiled, “So I’m lacking in the boob department… what the hell ever.  He’s my child, he should naturally want to snuggle with me until he’s old enough to think it’s not cool anymore.”

“I’m sorry, Julesie…” I said and gave her a pouty face.

“Oh you are not.  You bloody love it and you know it.”

I grinned, “Okay yeah, I do.”

We all laughed, “It’s okay… as long as he’s only eyeing your boobs, I’m okay with it.  Now if he starts fixating on other boobs, we’re going to have a problem.  I don’t want my kid being some creeper who is always checking out the tits on women.”

“Keep him away from Daytona Beach on Spring Break then.  It’s like Boob Beach all of a sudden,” Christian said and laughed.

“Ooh and Bike Week when all of the motorcycle people come to town… you’ll see a whole lot of leather and boobs that week,” I giggled.  “Boob is such a weird word isn’t it?  Boob.  Just say it… boob. Booooob.”

Kevin laughed, “The conversations I’ve experienced since meeting you guys crack me up.”

“We’re special people,” I said and chuckled.

“Very, very special…” Jules agreed.

Christian smiled, “Just don’t call us boobs.”

I knew I was in the nightmare right away.  It could have been any normal work day in Manhattan but as I walked down a busy sidewalk toward the World Trade Center I knew what day it was and as was typical in my dreams, I knew what was about to happen.  My pace quickened as I looked up and saw that the towers had not been hit yet by either plane.  Maybe if I got to the building before the planes hit I could stop Sean from going inside.  If he could see from the ground how bad it was then he wouldn’t go to the office and it would be okay. 

By the time I made the short walk to the base of the towers though that often warped time zone in my dreams had fast forwarded and not only had one plane hit, but both had.  I looked up in agony to see the smoke, fire, and debris coming from both buildings.  My phone was in my hand, and in my ear Sean was telling me that he was going to be okay because the firefighters were in the building and would put the fire out.  I cried, screaming into the phone begging him to get out somehow but he remained calm and kept telling me that he’d be okay.

Then the deafening roar of the collapsing buildings began and I stood frozen at the base as the towers imploded down toward me.   A noiseless scream was coming from my mouth even as I could taste the burning hot ash falling at me.  I thought to myself, this isn’t real.  This isn’t how it happened. I’m just dreaming again.  But it really didn’t matter because I knew within seconds I would see him.  He’d be falling with the buildings with his arm stretched out toward me, fear in his eyes, and I would try and reach him but would fail as I was covered by debris. 

As I reached out and just barely touched fingertips with Sean I closed my eyes in preparation of being buried alive but then the dream changed.  The noise, heat, and pain of being crushed that normally signaled the end of the dream and woke me up gasping for clean air were suddenly gone.  My eyes were still shut tightly and I was shaking in fear waiting for the building to hit me when I realized that someone had my hand. 

I opened my eyes quickly, hoping that maybe this time I’d finally done it.  Maybe I’d finally managed to reach Sean’s hand and changed the dream.  But when my eyes opened they didn’t fall on my sweet baby brother, instead they saw Kevin.   He was holding my hand and we were standing in my old apartment.  I looked out of the window and saw the big cloud of ash that meant Sean’s tower had gone down and I noticed that I still had my telephone in my hand.  Everything was just as it had really been that morning of 9/11, except that I wasn’t alone anymore.  I looked from the destruction outside of the window back to Kevin and plead with him silently but he just shook his head and pulled me into his arms. 

I watched the scene through the window with my head pressed against Kevin’s warm chest until my eyes couldn’t see through my tears.  I closed them again and held on tight to Kevin taking comfort in his arms and his silent presence.  I thought to myself how different it felt to have him there with me.  It didn’t take away the pain of losing Sean by any means, but it grounded me.  Instead of feeling like the whole world was falling apart around me and I had no safe place to stand, I finally felt like I was safe.

I opened my eyes to find that I’d woken from the dream and was back in reality in bed with Kevin.  I was in the same position with him as I’d been in the dream except that we were lying down instead of standing.  I listened to his breathing while quiet tears flooded my eyes and I thought back to the dream trying to figure out what it all meant.  All I could keep thinking of was the word safe.  Kevin was safe.  I was safe. I may not have known what was in store for me when it came to my relationship with Kevin but I knew with all of my heart and soul that things with him would be okay.  It was as strong of a feeling as anything I’d ever had before, stronger even than the emotions that went through me the morning Sean died and I’d begged him to stay home.

I grabbed my locket and rubbed it between my thumb and forefinger.  A picture of Sean, smiling and happy, popped into my head and I couldn’t help but smile even though there were tears in my eyes.  I wished so badly that I could just talk to him again.  I did still talk to him occasionally and I somehow knew that he was listening, but I wanted more than anything for him to be able to answer back.  Not with some sign or a warm fuzzy feeling, but with actual words.  Just like I’d done countless other times though I closed my eyes with my locket in my fingers, brought it to my lips for a kiss and I sent him my love wherever he was.

Unable to go back to sleep, not because of being ripped from a nightmare but instead experiencing this strange calm from the new version of my dream, I carefully and quietly moved out of Kevin’s arms.  When I touched my sprained foot to the floor I sighed and remembered my new injury.  I wasn’t sure I would be able to stand on my foot just yet so I grabbed the crutches that were near the bed and tried my best not to make any sound as I made my way out of the room. 

The house was absolutely silent except for the sound of my clicking crutches and I found myself downstairs in the kitchen.  It was actually early morning even though the sun hadn’t come up yet so I figured coffee was warranted.  Thankfully Josef had one of those snazzy coffee makers that could make just one perfect cup of coffee at a time so within less than a few minutes I was happily perched in the breakfast nook with coffee in hand and the sounds of the City waking up outside the window. 

It didn’t take long for Kevin to wake up and find me which made me chuckle.  “You’re like a little kid looking for his Mama… every time I get up at night you come looking for me.”

He sat down next to me and kissed me, “First of all, you’re not my Mama…” he said with a dirty smirk that made me blush.  “But yeah, I when I wake up and you’re not there I worry that you’re off somewhere being sad all by yourself.  I need to know you’re okay.”

I put my hand on his cheek, running my thumb over the stubble that had grown in overnight, and I smiled.  “I’m actually really okay for a change…”

“Yeah?” he asked with a smile.

I nodded and leaned into him letting him wrap his arms around me all over again.  I told him all about my dream and the safe feeling that I had when I woke up.  He smiled at me with the most gorgeous smile, only made better by the colossal bed head he was sporting, and then he kissed me so good it took my breath away.

Out of breath I chuckled as I rested my forehead against his after the kiss, “Now I’m really, really okay…”

“Okay enough to go back upstairs?”

“What, you don’t want to drink coffee with me?”

“I’ll drink coffee with you later…” he said against my neck as he placed kisses on my skin.  “What I want right now is my girlfriend in bed with me.”

The feeling of his breath on my skin mixed with his lips kissing me gently made me shiver.  I ran my fingers through his hair, which I knew he loved because every time I did it he sighed and closed his eyes.  When he looked at me again I stared at his green eyes for a moment and then smiled, “Take me back to bed, Heartthrob.”

A few hours later when it was more appropriate to be awake Kevin got to finally experience the joy and craziness of Book Week.  There were still two days before my official book release but of course there was plenty to do.  Jules was at the house bright and early, sans Miles much to my dismay, ready to go over my schedule for the week.  The dining room was our headquarters and we were surrounded by all sorts of book swag that needed my autograph or to be sorted into prize packs.  There were also boxes and boxes of books that needed to be signed for assorted giveaways and contests.  By noon Jules had a color coded poster sized schedule to follow for the entire week.  Every single wardrobe change, interview, travel time, and food break was written out in living color on the bright poster board perched on a stand in the corner of the room. 

I looked at the schedule from my spot at the table and was both excited and overwhelmed.  As my books became more popular, the number of interviews I had to do with a book release increased.  Then of course there was the top secret news that a deal had finally been made to make at a movie of the first two books in my series adding to the excitement.  I’d known that it was in the works, but once we were in New York Jules had given me the good news and immediately started briefing me on how I needed to approach the subject in my interviews and book signings.  It wasn’t a bad thing, I really was excited about all of the great things happening, it was just a lot to take in all at once and seeing it on the schedule made my head spin a little bit.   

Jules caught a glimpse of the look on my face as I stared at the schedule and she smiled, “What?”

“Huh?” I asked, snapping out of my trance.

“You’ve got that look on your face… what’s wrong with the schedule?”

I sighed and shook my head, “Oh it’s nothing… it’s a good schedule.  I’m actually not that nervous about it this time for some reason.”

“But…”

“But…” I twirled my locket in my fingers absentmindedly and shrugged, “I don’t know.  It’s like for once I’m in the City and I’m actually not freaking out about being here, you know?  But my schedule is so full that I won’t really be able to enjoy it.  And when am I supposed to spend time with Kev?”

Jules smiled and looked at the schedule, “From 3:45 to 6:00 on Wednesday, and every night after 11:00 p.m.”

I groaned and threw a wadded up piece of newspaper at her.  Because I still couldn’t put much weight on my foot I’d taken to creating paper balls to throw at people when I wanted their attention or wanted to smack them but couldn’t.  “Bite me…”

“I’m kidding…” she said and threw the paper ball back at me.  “I know you’re busy but it’s just a week.  And he’s coming along for most of this stuff right?”

I shrugged, “I dunno… I guess?  We haven’t really talked about it because I’ve been in this meeting with you all morning.”

“Well I know for a fact he’s going to some of these things because he said so himself.  And honestly, I don’t think I’d be able to get him away from you if I tried…” she smiled and sat down next to me at the table.  “I never thought I’d say it, but I give you my blessing to be with that sexy beast of a man… I’m giving up my hopes of ever being with him, just for you.”

We giggled together, “Thanks… that’s big of you.”

“Oh I know!” she said and laughed.  “He’s so in love with you…”

I sighed and thought about him with a smile that I couldn’t stop even if I’d wanted to.  He and Christian had run out on an errand to buy more Sharpies for the autographing of swag, Starbucks to keep us going, and lunch so that we didn’t get cranky.  “I love him too, Jules.  So freaking much…”

“Um, I can tell,” she said with a giggle.  “I could tell when you talked about him over the phone, but to see it in person? Holy cow.  You’re gone, baby.  And it’s beautiful!”

I blushed and nodded as I picked up a Sharpie and continued signing books.  “It is kind of awesome, huh?”

“Very. And I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I was watching him with my little man last night… He’s got the Baby Bug.”

“Oh my god, I know!” I said as I stopped signing books again and looked at her.  “I mean, I knew before because we talked about it back home.  There’s this whole story about that bitch ex-wife of his that I have to tell you about but man… Seeing him with Miles last night and knowing how much Kev wants a kid? Good lord, it makes my ovaries ache!  I swear he was as upset as I was that you didn’t bring the Stinker Butt with you today!”

Jules laughed and put her hand over mine on the table, “You’re so cute I kind of want to hate you both right now.”

“I know…” I said and laughed.  “I’m trying so hard not to be one of those love-sick girls that you and I both abhor so much, but…”

“But he’s gorgeous and you’re in love and it’s totally okay.  Just as long as you don’t flaunt it too much in front of your poor single-mother friend who hasn’t had sex in over a year,” she winked at me with a grin.  “Honestly, it could be great press too.  For people to see you in the City with Kevin all happy and in love while you’re promoting a book about love… people are going to eat it up.”

I took a deep breath, “Yeah… we do need to talk about that when he’s back though.  You know, how much we want to reveal and all.  I mean, obviously people know about us and they’re going to see us together, but I don’t want to make him uncomfortable.  I won’t talk about us in interviews if he’s not okay with it.”

“Of course, honey.  Don’t worry about it.  I was actually planning bringing it up with you two this afternoon after we’ve eaten and cleaned up some of this mess…” she said and motioned to the piles of swag strategically placed all over Josef’s beautiful dining room table.

I bit my lip and nodded, “Cool.  I think he’ll be fine with it… It’s just weird.  How did I turn into one of those people who have to announce to the public who she’s dating?  Why the hell does anyone care?”

Jules smiled and patted my hand with hers, “You wrote a best-selling novel that became an Oprah’s Book Club selection, a series of books that is going to be made into at least one movie, and you’re dating a superstar.”

I chuckled, “Well gee, when you put it like that… I am kind of amazing.”

“As you American’s like to say… You’re the shiznit.”

I laughed so hard I snorted, “Oh my god, don’t ever say that again.”

She giggled, “Promised.  Now get back to signing these books or I’m withholding my son and your lunch!  Maybe even your Vicodin too…”

“Evil, bitch!” I teased and resumed signing books.

She smiled and started packing up books that had already been signed, “That’s what you get when you steal my man…”

Part 36 – Rooftop

We’d spent most of the day and part of the evening working on book release stuff with Jules and then were granted a rare reprieve from all things book related for the rest of the evening.  Christian headed out to visit friends which left Kevin and me to hang out all alone.  We found ourselves on Josef’s amazing rooftop garden/patio enjoying the view, the warm night, and each other.

We were lying together on Josef’s most excellent outdoor canopy bed that I was seriously considering buying a copy of for my own house.  The city sounds were as calming to me as the sound of the ocean was back at home, and the weather was perfect, not too hot, but not too chilly that we needed blankets or extra clothing.

I looked at my ankle-foot, which was propped up on a stack of pillows, “I don’t think it’s as swollen anymore…”

Kevin cocked his head to the side to consider my foot and then nodded, “I agree… The bruise is nasty though.”

I chuckled and leaned my head against his shoulder, “Yeah it is.  I don’t think I’m going to be able to wear my Sex Kitten heels that AJ picked out for me when we go to the ball.”

“We’ll just have to save them for later…” he said and grabbed my hand lacing our fingers together.

My mind drifted off to naughty places involving sexy heels, sex toys, and a very naked and eager Kevin.  I blushed just thinking of the possibilities and smiled, “Definitely.”  I listened to the City and thought back of my years in college writing my novels with the sounds of Manhattan as my soundtrack.  “It’s kind of weird that my Lake Pleasanton characters haven’t shown up in New York yet… You’d think that’s where I would have sent at least one of them for college.”

“I thought about that once when I was reading… You probably kept them away from here subconsciously.”

“Sure, but why? I love it here… I wrote the kids going to college way before 9/11, so it’s not like I was avoiding writing about New York at that point.”

“Maybe you knew in your heart that one day you’d write about the City and it just wasn’t the right time.”

I looked at Kevin and smiled.  He smiled back and my heart did that crazy flip flop thing it always did when I looked at him, “Maybe.  I love you, you know?”

He kissed my nose, “I do know… and I love you too, you know?”

I nodded and moved so that I could snuggle with him, my head on his chest and his arm around me.  It wasn’t easy with my damn injured foot, but we made it work.  Once situated, I slid my hand under his tee shirt and rested it against his stomach, his skin was always so warm and so soft, I couldn’t keep my hands off of him.  “So are you ready for all of this?”

“The book release?” he asked, his breath against my hair.

“Well yeah, that and the whole talking about us in public thing…”

“Yeah, of course… Are you?”  I nodded and he squeezed me tighter, “Really?”

“Kev, if I could stand on top of the big ball thing at Epcot and yell out to the world that you’re my man and no one can have you, I’d do it…”

He laughed and I loved the sound, especially with my head against his chest.   “So what’s the problem?”

“I feel like…” I sighed and picked my head up so I could look at him.  “Is it too soon for you?  I mean, you basically hid your divorce for half a year and now not only are you going to have to talk about that, but you’re with me now too.  Kev, if it’s too much too soon, please tell me.  We can refuse to talk about it or deny it or whatever… I just want you to be okay with it all.”

He held my face in his hands and smiled, “You’re over thinking things again.  You want to stand on the ball at Epcot and yell out to the world?  Well I want to go to the Empire State Building and do the same thing.  So cut it out… we’re good!”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart and…”

“Don’t say hope to die!  I hate that… gives me the geebies…”

He laughed and I smiled.  “Cross my heart and hope to always be with you?”

 “Much better…”  I nodded.  “So on a scale of one to ape-shit… how do you think Kristen is going to react?”

“Uh… probably ape-shit… But I don’t care.  I’m surprised I haven’t gotten a pissed off call yet because of the pictures on the internet.  Last I knew she wasn’t really telling many people that we split up, and because we were hardly together anyway people haven’t really bugged her about it.  Now she’s going to have to tell the truth.  Or at least her twisted version of it.”

“How the hell did you marry such a nut job?” I teased.  Kevin immediately began to tickle me and within seconds I was pinned on my back with him straddling my waist and I was begging for mercy.  “Oh, god…” I cried as he kept tickling me despite my attempts to fight him off.  “You’re going to make me piss my pants, stop!” I tried to sound serious but giggling like a girl and squealing didn’t help.

“Say you’re sorry…”

“I’m sorry!  I’m sorry!” I screamed amid giggles.

“Tell me you love me…”

“More than anything!”  He stopped tickling me and sat back on his heels looking down at me with a grin.  We were both out of breath and I was pretty sure I’d kicked something with my bad foot because it all of a sudden was throbbing again.  He wiggled his eyebrows at me and I laughed but when he pretended he was going to tickle me again I squealed again, “No!”

He laughed and shook his head, “I was kidding… Wouldn’t want you to pee on me, I’m not into Golden Showers.”

I laughed so hard I snorted “Good…”  I smirked, “I like you like this… on top, holding me down.  It’s pretty hot.”

He raised an eyebrow at me, “Oh really?”

“Mmm hmm…”

“Can I tie you up?” he asked with a deliciously dirty grin.

“After my ankle-foot heals, yes.”

“Nice… How about a blindfold?”

I fanned myself with my hand, “Oh yeah…”

“What about outside?  Right here?”

I smirked and looked around.  There weren’t any buildings in the immediate area that were taller than Josef’s place.   I reached up and pulled the tie on the curtain along the head of the bed.  The sheer white fabric smoothed itself out in the wind and created a perfect blinder to any neighbors.  There were curtains on the remaining three sides of the bed as well. 

I didn’t even have to tell Kevin to pull the ties on the rest of the curtains, he did it in record speed and when we were enclosed in our private little heaven he resumed his position over me.  He tapped his finger on his chin thoughtfully, “What to do, what to do…”  I couldn’t help but giggle.  I didn’t care what he did to me as long as it involved touching and eventually fucking.  He pulled one of the curtain ties out of its loop and checked it by holding it up to his eyes to see if he could see through it or not and I about died.  I didn’t know he wanted to do the blindfold thing right then and there.  “Not too bad…” he said as he lowered the fabric from his face.  “Ready?”

My throat was insanely dry all of a sudden and I thought my heart might beat right out of my chest if I wasn’t careful.  I nodded and whispered a yes.  He carefully tied the band of fabric around my head covering my eyes.  For sheer fabric it was pretty damn hard to see through in the dark.  I could see faint outlines and shadows, but nothing clearly.  In fact when Kevin spoke and his mouth was right next to my ear it scared me because I hadn’t seen him move.  I jumped and he chuckled in my ear, “Lay perfectly still…”  I was trembling already and he wanted me to lay still?

I tried my best not to move but what I really wanted to do was sort of writhe around on the bed happily imagining what my body was about to experience.  Kevin did that to me, just thinking of him had me wanting to squeeze my legs together and let my hands roam my own skin.  Having my sight cut off was ridiculously exciting.  All of a sudden I felt like I could hear and feel everything so much stronger.  I couldn’t feel Kevin though, and that puzzled me.  “Kev?” I asked quietly.

“Shh…” I heard him say and could tell he was no longer near my head. 

“Where are…”

“Shh…” he said again and I bit my bottom lip between my teeth to shut myself up. 

Again, moving like a ninja, Kevin’s voice showed up right next to my ear and sent shivers over my entire body, “I’m right here…”  His fingers began undressing me and I wanted to help him, to speed things up, but he’d told me to lay still so I tried to behave.  I did raise my hips so he could pull my shorts and underwear off, but everything else he managed to slide off of me without my help.  It was one of the hottest things I’d ever encountered.   That is until he started dragging one of the other curtain ties across my skin ever so lightly.  For a moment I felt guilty about sexing up Josef’s patio furniture but then when the silky soft fabric was pulled across my nipples I really didn’t give a damn about the furniture.

“Holy wow…” I sighed and tried to remind myself not to move.  I wanted to move.  I wanted to tackle Kevin or at least get him to tackle me.  He on the other hand had other plans because he kept sliding that fabric across my skin causing goosebumps, shivers, and a few moans out of me.  He was so damn quiet it started to bug me, “Talk to me, Kev…” I pleaded as the fabric slid down my thigh toward my feet ever so slowly.

If I couldn’t touch Kevin, or myself for that matter, I had to hold on to something.  I reached out for something to hold on to and wound up with my hands above my head holding the headboard.  Kevin apparently enjoyed the position because he let out a quiet, “Damn…”  He was near my feet and when I expected more torture with the curtain tie, he shocked me by instead kissing my toes.

I laughed and squirmed and could feel his smile against my foot as he continued down the arch then around to the ankle.  Who would have known that having someone suck on your ankle would be such a turn on?  I squeezed the headboard and tipped my head back both wishing I could take off the blindfold and yet loving it at the same time.  Once done trying to give my ankle a hickey I felt Kevin push my legs apart with his hands.  He made me bend one leg at the knee and place my foot on the bed, while the other leg with the bad ankle stayed where it was.  Then his tongue went on a trek up the inside of my bent leg.  Slowly up and up to my knee before descending even slower down my thigh.

“Oh sweet, sweet, heaven…” I groaned and wondered if the bed was going to be strong enough or if I’d break the wood with my hands. 

Just before reaching the place where my leg met my body he stopped and pushed my thigh so it was laying down.  He pushed the other leg out too so I was pretty much spread wide open for him and it felt damn good.  I could feel his breath warm and moist on my skin.  I wanted to grab his head and force it down, force him to lick and suck and taste me, but of course I did my best to behave.  It felt like he waited forever though, just hovering over me, breathing on me. 

My entire body was trembling, literally trembling, with anticipation of feeling his mouth on me again.  When he dipped his head and ran the tip of his nose along my skin instead of his tongue I moaned.  His nose traced the crease where my leg met my body and then pulled across my belly only to go back down the other side.  I heard him take a deep breath and it made me shake.  “God, you smell good…”

He was trying to kill me.  I would die happy, but he was definitely trying to kill me. I couldn’t form words let alone thoughts; all I knew was that this man between my legs had to be the most amazing lover ever.  I must have whimpered out the word please because I heard Kevin chuckle and felt his breath on me again as he spoke, “Please what?”

“Please…” I sighed and moved my hips toward him.  He pressed his hands on my hips to anchor them to the mattress.  It turned me on so much I thought I was going to lose it right then.   “More…”

He slid his hands down my hips to my thighs then his arms went underneath my legs so he could curl his arms around each leg and hold me still.  We’d done this many, many times before and I knew exactly what was coming next.  Not wasting any time his mouth found me and I cried out as his tongue took its familiar route to my clitoris.  He licked at the hardened bud, sucked on it, and even nibbled on it with his teeth.   

My hips tried to jerk up toward his mouth but his arms held me still.  I wanted to touch him so bad.  I wanted to watch him even worse.  I loved watching Kevin go down on me.  I’d never really understood how sexy it could be until him.  Something about him down there doing his thing while I watched and he’d occasionally look up at me with those green eyes so intense.  It could undo me in a heartbeat. 

With the blindfold though I experienced a whole new experience.  Instead of watching Kevin, I listened.  The way he’d sort of hum and moan while sucking on me explained the vibration I felt between my legs.  The sound of the City reminded me that we were still outside… the danger of being caught or seen even though technically we were covered by the curtains just heightened the mood.

I tried moving my hips again but he wouldn’t let me.  So instead I clenched my muscles around his tongue as he lapped at me.  As great as he was at oral sex, I wanted more.  I wanted him inside of me to the hilt and to wrap my legs around his waist.  He took the clenching of my muscles as a cue to suck even harder.  I finally lost my control, let go of the bed and fisted his hair in my hands.  He didn’t protest however as I pushed his face down and tugged at his hair. 

Still holding my hips down he finished me off and I moaned his name over and over as I came.  It didn’t end there though, just as I was starting to catch my breath I felt Kevin move over me and I realized for the first time that he too was nude.  His erection pressed against my stomach as he leaned in to suck on my neck and my hands were drawn to him like a magnet.

I stroked his cock and he moaned in my ear.  I smiled, “You’re so damn hard…”  That made him press his hips toward my hand even harder and moan some more.  I squeezed as I pumped him, “You’re good at teasing me but it clearly does a number on you.”

“Damn it…” he said and I giggled as I ran my thumb over the tip of his cock, rubbing the pre-cum around.

“I can’t see, baby… you’re going to have to help me out.”

“You’re doing just fine,” he said and I could tell he was clenching his teeth together.  I was surprised he was hanging in there so well.  I expected him to plunge himself inside of me or at least fuck my hand, but he just kept letting me stroke him.

It was hard to decide if I should keep teasing him, or just give in and go at it like a wild animal.  I knew he was close but without being able to see him it was hard to tell just how close.  I definitely didn’t want him to come in my hand, I needed him deep inside of me for that.

I would have liked to flip him and ride him with the blindfold on but with my injured foot there was no way I could maneuver being on top of him without a whole lot of pain.  Instead I decided to rub his cock against my slit as I continued to stroke him.  He almost came undone when the tip touched me.  I whispered in his ear as I slowed my hand, “Not yet, baby…”

“Kel, I…”

“Shh…” I said and pressed that magic spot at the base of his shaft that made it impossible for him to come just yet.  He swore and his hips bucked at me but I could tell it was doing the trick.  I wished I could see his cock in my hand, I loved watching it twitch as I played with it.  Just thinking about him made my whole body pulse and I knew I was as ready as he was.  I leaned up to kiss his neck then whispered in his ear, “Fuck me hard, Kev…”

That was all it took, with a relieved moan he positioned himself and then slid inside of me as fast as he could and considering how incredibly wet I was for him, it was pretty damn fast.  He pulled my legs up around him and held on to my hips as he rammed me, hitting all the rights spot over and over again.  It was fast, hard, and hotter than ever.  Then before we knew it, we were both coming and moaning.  I didn’t care if the neighbors saw us, heard us, or even videotaped us… all that mattered was Kevin.

When we’d both caught our breath and he’d pulled out of me much to my dismay, he pushed the blindfold up so to my forehead so I could see.  He had the biggest grin on his face and I couldn’t help but grin too.  I pulled him down for a kiss, “I fucking love you…”

He laughed against my mouth, “I fucking love you too…”

“Promise me we’ll always have this kind of spontaneity,” I said as I held his face in my hands.

“If it’s going to be this good, I don’t think we’ll have anything to worry about.  I’ll be old and grey using a walker and still trying to get it on with you.”

I laughed, “Ooh geriatric sex!  You plan on staying around that long, Heartthrob?”

He smiled and kissed me before whispering against my lips, “Forever.”

Part 37 -  A Colossal Mess

“So when she starts telling you that she’s going to puke, just tell her she’s not… But if she starts looking green, then she really is going to blow chunks and you need to move out of her way,” Christian told Kevin with a giggle as I sat in the hair and makeup chair at the Today Show.  It was Book Release Day and my first gig was an interview with some fairly new reporter who apparently was a huge fan of mine. 

Kevin laughed, “Got it… if she’s green, haul ass.”

“Both of you can shut up…” I told them which caused them to giggle.

“Oh and just be prepared to have bruises on your hands and arms.  She’s quite the grabber when she’s nervous…”

“Yeah I think I lost feeling in my hand on the way here…” Kevin teased.

“Keep it up, Richardson…” I warned and glanced at him as the makeup chick turned away to grab for another brush of some sort.

He laughed and sat down in the chair next to me, “I love you.”

I tried not to smile and failed miserably, “I love you too.”

“I love you three!” Christian cooed.

“And I love you four…” was heard from the doorway. We all turned our heads to see Al Roker standing there with his trademark grin on his face, “Good morning!”

“Al my pal!” I squealed and motioned for him to come closer, “I need some sugar!”

He gave me an air kiss so not to mess with my makeup or his own but squeezed my shoulders, “Hello, my dear.”

I couldn’t help but grin around Al, his happiness was contagious, “Hello yourself, sexy!  I’m so bummed you’re not going to interview me this morning! It’s totally breaking our tradition.”

“I know, I was pretty ticked off myself when I found out,” he said.  “But the new kid needs to get a good interview under his belt.  I wanted to at least stop by and say hello though… couldn’t have you in the building without getting some love!”

I giggled and looked at Kevin, “Al did my very first national TV interview and ever since then I’ve made sure that he’s the one to interview me when I’m on the show, now they’re going and screwing up our on-air love affair.”

Kevin opened his mouth to respond but Al cut him off, “Kevin?! What the heck are you doing here?”  He reached out and shook Kevin’s hand and did that half hug thing that men do.  “Man it’s been a while…”

Kevin nodded, “A very long time… good to see you.”

“So are you on the show today?” Al asked.  “Are you back on Broadway and I didn’t hear about it?”

“Nope, I’m here strictly on boyfriend duty.”

Kevin smiled as Al did the math in his head and then smiled from ear to ear, “You two? Oh man, that’s great!”

“I think so…” I said and reached out to hold Kevin’s hand. 

Kevin smiled, “And before you ask, yes, I’m divorced…” 

Al chuckled, “Apparently the reason I’m a weather guy is because I’m a bad reporter.  I had no idea you’d gotten divorced and were dating this one here…”

“Nah, you’re not a bad reporter, honey…” I said with a smile in the mirror at Al.  “The divorce was hush hush.  Most people don’t still don’t know.  This week is sort of our coming out.”

Christian laughed, “Haha… you said coming out.”

Al looked at Christian and shook his head while chuckling, “I should have known you’d be here…”

“Of course!” Christian replied and then shook Al’s hand. 

“How’s Josef?”

“Brilliant as always!”

“My wife and I are going to be in Miami next month, we’ve already got reservations to have dinner at his restaurant down there… can’t wait.”

“Awesome! He’ll be thrilled.  I think he’s planning on being at the Miami restaurant all next month so you’ll probably get to see him.”

“Even better!” Al squeezed my shoulders again, “I’ve gotta run, but I wanted to say hi.  I’ll blow you kisses on set later.

“Ooh baby…” I flirted. 

Kevin laughed after Al left, “Flirt much?”

I giggled, “I can’t help it.  I love me some Roker…”

“You should see her with Lester Holt…” Christian said with his own giggle.

“Oh my god…” I said while laughing then explained to Kevin and the makeup chick how the last time I’d been on the show Lester had been subbing for someone and I’d turned into complete mush in his presence and all he’d said to me was hello.  “He’s pretty…”

“He’s not here today is he?” Kevin asked the makeup chick.

She smiled, “Nope… last I heard he was on location somewhere.”

“Good…” Kevin replied and we all giggled. 

Once my makeup and hair was all done we were moved to the green room to wait until it was my turn to go on set.  I was nervous but it wasn’t anything epic that I hadn’t experienced before.  More than anything I found myself nervous about how Kevin was going to like my interview.  When I told Jules she thought it was cute, but I thought it was annoying.  I didn’t want to be that kind of girl who was worried about impressing her boyfriend.  She said I was overanalyzing again and told me to suck it up.

Time flew by and the next thing I knew I was on set sitting across from the new reporter, whose name was Mark something, and he was asking me all of the typical questions about my writing, what the new book was about, how Vinnie was, and of course about the movie rumors.  We’d small talked about my sprained ankle and I answered all of his questions like a pro and was quite proud of myself for not stumbling over my words or saying “um” too many times. 

I had to admit that Mark was doing a great job.  He seemed to have done his research on me and knew things about my books that only someone who’d read them would know.  Even though I still missed my buddy Al, things were going pretty great with Mark.  That is until he decided to totally throw me for a loop.

“So let’s talk a little bit about your personal life…” he said as he shot a smile at me.

“Oh goodness…” I said with a chuckle. “What now?”

“Well, as soon as you showed up to the studio this morning the buzz was all about who your new beau is.  Someone who you’ve previously referred to on your blog simply as ‘The Guy.’”

I blushed and smiled, “Uh huh…”

“Would you like to share with the audience who The Guy is?”

“Do I have a choice?” I teased.  “No, I’m kidding. Of course I’m okay with it… I’m dating an amazing man named Kevin Richardson.”

“Of the Backstreet Boys?”

“Formerly, yes…”

“So when did you two meet?”

“Not too long ago… the beginning of the summer, basically.  He was in Florida staying in my friend’s condo and we ran into each other and just sort of hit it off.”

“When you started dating him, did you know he was married?”

I plastered on a smile in Mark’s direction, “He’s not married and wasn’t when I met him.”  I could see Kevin standing off to the side of the set and saw him cross his arms across his chest, a sure sign he was uncomfortable.   I was pretty damn uncomfortable myself suddenly.   

“That’s funny because just before we went on the air I was handed this statement that Kristen Richardson, Kevin’s wife, apparently released this morning.”  He looked at a blue card in his hand so he could read the quote.  “She says, ‘Kevin and I were not divorced when he started seeing this Kellie person.  He went off to Florida to visit a ‘friend’ while I was on tour and the next thing I know I’m looking at pictures of him with his hands all over this chick on the internet and I’m getting divorce papers in the mail…’”  Mark looked at me, “What do you have to say about that?”

I wanted to say that she was a raving psychotic bitch, but I didn’t.  I knew that wouldn’t help anything.  Instead I shook my head sadly, “She’s lying… I don’t know why, but she’s lying.  None of that’s true.”

“How sure are you about that?  According to Mrs. Richardson, this isn’t the first time that her husband has cheated on her.  They apparently have had a pretty rocky relationship.”  I glanced from Mark to where Kevin was standing with Jules.  Jules was speaking very heatedly to someone, most likely threatening his life if he didn’t put an end to this attack.  Kevin meanwhile was literally being held back by someone.  He was trying to get onto the set and I imagined they were telling him that he couldn’t interrupt the shot.  Christian had stayed back in the green room but I was pretty sure he was losing it as well at the moment.  “Why would she say that about you if it’s not true?” Mark asked, pulling my attention momentarily from watching Kevin’s struggle and Jules losing her temper.

I shrugged, “I have no idea.”  I shook my head to try and clear it.  “Listen, I don’t know why she’s doing this.  Kristen can say whatever she wants, but she knows the truth as much as Kevin and I do.  She’s not ‘Mrs. Richardson’ anymore and hasn’t been for quite some time.  I’m sure that Mr. Richardson’s lawyer would be happy to provide you proof of that, and when he does, we’ll expect an apology from you immediately.  It’s unfortunate that Kristen has chosen to do this, but it’s even more unfortunate that you would stoop to this level.  I know you’re the new guy around here but I honestly never thought that a respectable program like Today Show would allow you to pull this sensationalistic crap with me.  I’ve always been more than happy to make the Today Show my first stop when I’m promoting my books but it seems that now I may have to reevaluate that decision if this is how I’m going to be treated while I’m here.”  I glanced at Kevin and Jules, they’d stopped what they were doing and were instead listening to me, both of them smiling and urging me on.  That made me smile and I looked back to Mark, “Now, unless you want to talk about my book some more, I think we’re done here.”

Mark stumbled a bit over his words but kept smiling, “Oh come on, Kellie… no hard feelings, I’m just doing my job.  What kind of reporter would I be if I didn’t ask you about this?”

I smiled as well, “Oh I don’t know, maybe one who checks his facts before going on air?”

“Ooh it looks like I’ve ruffled someone’s feathers…” he said with a grin and chuckle. I could see someone off camera motioning to Mark to wrap things up and they began playing the music that designated that it was time for a commercial break.  Some very pissed off suits were also standing off to the side and it looked like Mark was about to get in a boatload of trouble.  He picked up a copy of my book and showed it to the camera, “Well, you can check out Kellie’s newest book in the Lake Pleasanton series in stores now.  If you’re in the City today, she’ll also be doing a book signing at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square at 3 p.m.  We’ll be back in a moment, this is Today, on NBC.”

As soon as we were off the air Kevin pushed his way through onto set and went for Mark who looked like he was about to piss his pants frankly.  “What the fuck was that?”

I stood up and wobbled on my foot without my crutches, “Honey, don’t…” I reached out and grabbed Kevin’s arm, trying to pull him back.  “It’s not worth it, let’s just go.”

“No way…”Kevin said pulling his arm away from my grasp in order to get in Mark’s face.  He stood a good three or four inches over the man and was also much more muscular.  In fact, Mark looked like a little boy playing dress up as he stood there in his expensive suit looking up into Kevin’s angry face.

“I’m just doing my job, man…” Mark said to Kevin and swallowed hard.  I didn’t think Kevin would go as far as to hit Mark, but from the look on his face, Mark wasn’t so sure.  He put his hands up in front of his chest in surrender.  “I didn’t mean any harm…”

“Fuck that…” Kevin said and used his size to further intimidate the younger smaller man.  “You knew exactly what you were doing!”

“Honey…” I said again trying to get Kevin to back down.  My head was spinning and I seriously needed to sit down.  Everything was beginning to hit me all at once and the chaos of the scene in front of me didn’t help.  The suits who’d shown up at the end of my interview were trying to intervene.  Two had managed to get in between Kevin and Mark while the other was pretty much yelling at Mark.  Jules on the other hand was yelling at another suit.  The whole set was a colossal mess.  I looked around and saw my crutches sitting against a wall and I began to hobble over to them. 

Just as I reached the crutches I heard a familiar voice, “Oh, Kellie… I’m so sorry!”

I looked up into Al’s eyes with a sad smile, “It’s not your fault… I need to get out of here.”

“Of course, come on…” he said and walked with me down the hall toward the green room where hopefully no one was yelling and Christian would be waiting to hug me. My hands were shaking so bad I kept stumbling with my crutches.  Al noticed and ran his hand along my back, “You handled him like a pro.”

“I don’t even remember what I said…” I told him quietly.  “I remember him reading the so-called quote and then everything else is a blur.”

“You pretty much handed him his nuts on a plate…” Al said with a chuckle.  “The look on his face when you said that you didn’t expect a respectable show like ours to pull sensationalistic crap like this… Oh he knew he was in trouble then.”  He leaned in to me and whispered, “I honestly can’t stand him… I’m so sorry they made you work with him.”

We stopped walking outside of the green room and I looked up at Al, “I’m never working with anyone else but you.”

“Deal!” he said and smiled.  “I gotta get outside for the next weather segment but I wanted to check on you.”

“Al my pal…” I said with a smile.  “Thanks, honey.”

“Anytime.”

He rushed off and I went into the green room.  Christian jumped up off of the couch he was sitting on and immediately pulled me into a hug.  I closed my eyes and buried myself against his chest.  “Are you okay?” he whispered.  “I mean, of course you’re not okay… but are you okay considering what just happened?  What a freaking ass wipe! I can’t believe he did that, and Kristen! Oh my god! I’ve never wanted to hit a woman but I want to high five her face pretty bad right now.  Stupid Whore.”

That got a slight giggle out of me, “I need to sit…”

He took my crutches and I sat down on the couch.  He joined me and resumed our snuggle-fest.  “You were so good, baby…”

“That’s what Al said too…”

“Where the hell is Kevin?”

I shrugged, “Last I knew he was yelling at Mark looking like they were about to get into a fist fight.  Jules was yelling at someone else and I just left.”

Christian squeezed me tighter then chuckled, “I was on the phone with Mom when you were on the air.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard her swear before but holy crap… she dropped a few f-bombs.  I told her I’d have you call her when you could.”

The thought of my mom made me finally choke up.  “I hate this, Chris…”

“I know you do, Boo…” he said and kissed my forehead.  “Don’t let this ruin your day.”  He pulled back and held my face in his hands, “It’s Book Release Day!  You’ve written another great book and your fans are excited to read it and to see you.  That stupid little wannabe journalist out there is just a blip in the radar.  He’s not important, okay?”  I nodded.  He smiled, “You so didn’t mean that…”

I chuckled and shrugged, “I’m trying.”

“Everything is going to be fine.  I promise.”

Part 38 -  Pissed Off Kevin

By the time we left 30 Rock, Kevin’s lawyer had spoken to the NBC lawyers and provided proof of Kevin and Kristen’s divorce.  A copy of the divorce paperwork was even sent over and then shown on a later segment of the show along with an on-air apology from Mark who I heard was not going to be on the air again anytime soon. 

Things were “better” but I was still frazzled and so was Kevin.  He was very quiet on the car ride from the studio to Jules’ office.  I wasn’t real sure what to say to him.  “Sorry your ex wife is a psycho…” didn’t exactly seem like what he needed to hear.  The truth was though, it had seriously freaked me out in the studio when Kevin had pulled away from me.  Not that I expected to be his focus at all times or anything, but seeing him so pissed off and so unaware of what else was going on scared me.  Since I met him Kevin had always been so focused.  So aware of everyone in the room and totally in tune with his surroundings.  He wasn’t someone who could walk into a room and miss details.  But in the studio that morning he’d been so focused on screaming at Mark that it was like I was barely there.  Granted, the reason he was so pissed at Mark had to do with me and I’m sure Kevin thought he was doing the manly thing sticking up for me.  It just felt weird, it was the first time I felt like Kevin didn’t see me. 

I watched him as he paced around Jules’ office talking on the phone.  He’d been on the phone with his lawyers, his brothers, his mother, AJ, and god knows who else.  Everyone who’d seen the interview was suddenly calling him.  I noticed that the light in his eyes seemed to have dimmed.  Those pretty shining green eyes of his were still gorgeous, but seemed darker.  The look on his face was the most serious I’d ever seen him. 

He finally ended the call and slid his cell phone back into his pocket.  He then stood looking out of the window at the city.  His arms were crossed over his chest and he didn’t make a sound.  I didn’t know if I should go to him or not but after a minute of watching him from behind I decided to listen to my heart.

I got up and wobbled over to him.  I then slid my arm around his waist and stood watching the city with him.  It took a minute, but he finally uncrossed his arms and wrapped one around my shoulders pulling me closer.  That, of course, made my eyes well up and my view of the city was a blurry one.  He leaned down and kissed the top of my head.  I turned toward him then and wrapped my other arm around him, hugging him tight.  My eyes were closed and I just stood there in his arms listening to him breathing.  I almost immediately felt better.  Like being able to touch him and have him touch me healed the wounds of the morning.

“I’m so sorry…” he finally said to me in a whisper.  “You shouldn’t have to deal with her… she’s my past, my problem.  I didn’t think she’d go after you… I’m so, so sorry.”

I shook my head looking up at him, “Oh, honey, don’t apologize for her.  I know that you would have done anything to avoid what happened today.  But just like me, you had no idea what that kid was going to pull on me while on the air.”  I shrugged, “We’ll deal with it.  The truth is out there now and frankly, she looks like an idiot.  People can see in black and white that she signed those divorce papers months ago proving that she’s lying.  It sucks, but we’ll be okay.”

He pressed his forehead to mine and I closed my eyes, “I’m sorry I lost it in the studio. I was just so pissed off.”

“I’ll admit, Pissed Off Kevin kind of scared me.”

He sighed, “I used to be Pissed Off Kevin a lot… it’s been a while though.”

I looked at him and smiled, “We’re going to be okay.  I love you too damn much to let one bad interview throw me.”

He smiled and it reached his eyes, “I’m a lucky man.”

I nodded, “Yeah, you are.”  We both laughed then and I hugged him again, “Let’s just forget about her for the moment and enjoy the rest of the day, okay?  Today isn’t about her, it’s about me.”

Kevin laughed and nodded, “That’s right… Today is your day.”

Jules came back into her office and smiled, “Now that’s what I want to see… you two were freaking me out when you were barely speaking earlier.”

“We’re better…” I said with a smile and kept my arms around Kevin, not quite ready to let him go yet.

“Splendid,” she said then sat down at her desk.  “I sent Christian downstairs to grab us lunch.  Meanwhile we need to make a game plan for the rest of the week now that the former Mrs. Richardson has decided to stir things up.”

I made a grumpy face, “Can’t we just ignore her?”

“Well that’s the plan… you avoid talking directly about her if at all possible.  Change the focus from her to you and Kevin.  Talk about being happy and in love and all of that nauseating stuff,” she said with a grin.

I hobbled my way back to the couch and Kevin followed to sit by my side.  “I can do that.”

“If anyone presses and just won’t let you change the subject then you have to be very careful.”

“In other words I can’t call her by her nickname?” I asked with a grin.

Jules looked at me in confusion, “What’s her nickname?”

Kevin chuckled, “Kel likes to call her Stupid Whore.”

Jules laughed and shook her head, “Um yeah… please don’t call her that to anyone who isn’t in this room.”

“Damn…” I teased. 

“If you have to talk about her, keep it simple.  Just fall back on the truth… you’ve never met her, you don’t know why she’s saying the things she’s saying, you’re more focused on your relationship with Kevin and your book release.  Absolutely no name calling, even something as little as saying she’s lying could get you in trouble.”

“Even though she is lying…” I groaned.

“Yep.  You can say things like ‘The truth as I know it from my side of things is blah blah blah…’ But don’t say ‘She’s a bloody liar.’”

I couldn’t help but giggle, Jules was known for her bluntness and I could tell it was driving her nuts that we couldn’t badmouth Kristen in public.  “So am I in trouble for saying that she lied this morning?  I did say that didn’t I?”

Kevin nodded, “I think you did, but I wouldn’t worry about that, right Jules?”

“Right… that was a reaction to a surprise attack.  But from here on out, you have to be careful. Also, no talking about that wanker at NBC who pulled this whole stunt on you. Rumor has it he’s in a lot of trouble right about now.”

I nodded and looked down at the contraption on my foot.  I totally zoned out thinking about how in the world I was going to go to a ball wearing the big ugly brace.  I imagined Christian gluing rhinestones to it or something hopelessly tacky and it made me smile.  I was so lucky to have such great people in my life. 

“Hello?  Earth to Kellie…” Jules said and I snapped out of my trance with a blush.  She smiled, “You with us?”

“Uh huh…” I said and chuckled.  Kevin grabbed my hand and kissed it then held it in his own.

“Welcome back…”

I stuck my tongue out at her, “Oh bite me… my mind wandered, that’s what writers do.”

“And what were you thinking of while Kevin and I were discussing your career without you?”

“Rhinestones.”

Kevin laughed and looked at Jules with a shrug, “I’ve found that if you ask her what’s on her mind you’re bound to get some really interesting answers.”

Jules nodded, “I’m used to it.”  She looked at me, “I know it’s been a crazy morning and as soon as Christian comes back we’ll take a proper break to regroup before the book signing.  Have I mentioned how brilliantly you handled things this morning?”  I groaned but she smiled, “Seriously, kitten… you were great.”

“Kitten? Where the fuck did that come from?” I asked laughing.

“I have no idea, I’ve started channeling my mother since I gave birth… it happens at random moments more often than I’d like to admit.”

“I love you dearly, but please don’t start calling me kitten.”

“I don’t plan on it… Maybe pumpkin, but not kitten.”

“Pumpkin is better…” I said and smiled. 

Sadly ignoring Kristen wasn’t as easy as we hoped it would be.  Everywhere I went, including the book signing at Virgin I was faced with questions about Kevin’s evil ex.  What was supposed to be a five minute radio interview over the phone turned into ten minutes of me trying to politely change the subject and the dj getting fed up with me because I was “too nice” and wouldn’t spill any dirt.  I simply told her that there wasn’t any dirt to share and she then quickly ended the interview.  By the time we got back to Josef’s house that night we were all exhausted and I was starting to think that no one wanted to hear jack about my actual book.

I promptly plopped down on the couch and took my ankle brace off as soon as we were in the house.  I propped my ankle up and without even having to ask him, Kevin soon showed up with fresh ice to put on my swollen limb.  I thanked him and he sat down on the couch with me so that his lap could be the pillow for my head.  His fingers combed through my hair and my eyes closed at the feeling.

“Tomorrow’s going to be better…” he told me quietly.

“I hope so.”

“It will… as long as Kristen keeps her damn mouth shut, people are going to forget all about it.”

“And if she doesn’t keep her damn mouth shut?”

“Then we order a hit on her…” Kevin teased.

I chuckled and looked up at him, “Can’t I just kick her ass myself?  Beat her up with my crutches?  Ordering a hit takes all of the fun out of it.”

He laughed, “True… I’m sure AJ and Christian would love to join in too.”

Kevin and I had both spoken on the phone with AJ throughout the day and he was beside himself with anger about Kristen and her antics.  It was humorous to say the least.  “I can’t wait for him to get here… he always makes me giggle.”

Kevin smiled, “One more day and he’ll be here.”

I looked up at the ceiling, “I suppose I should be happy that I’m getting so much press.  Even though people aren’t talking about my book, my name is out there and people who have never heard of me are more likely to remember my name when they see my books now.”

“Very true… Sometimes bad publicity is good publicity.  Not to say that this is the bad kind… at least not on our end.”

I nodded, “I know what you mean.  Christian said the number of people searching for me on Google had tripled earlier this afternoon. That’s gotta count for something right?”

Kevin looked down at me and smiled, his fingers still playing in my curls, “Definitely.”

“Cool,” I said and closed my eyes again.  I had almost drifted off to sleep when my phone rang startling both of us.  I reached into my pocket and pulled out the small black phone.  It was Jules.  “Do you miss me already?” I teased with a giggle.

“I wish,” she said with a sigh.  “I just turned on Entertainment Tonight while I was making dinner for Miles.  They’re covering the Kristen story in ten minutes.”

“Fucking hell…” I said with a groan as I sat up and the ice pack fell from my ankle.  I reached for the remote to the tv and turned it on.  “What channel?”  She told me and I flipped over to the correct one before looking at Kevin.  “They’re covering Kristen’s story on ET tonight.”

“Damn it…” he said and immediately pulled his phone out of his pocket.  He opened it up and I assumed he was calling his lawyer or publicist for the 200th time that day.

“Did anyone from ET contact us today?” I asked Jules.  “Wouldn’t you think they’d want to hear our side?”

“One would think… they have been turning pretty tabloid lately though.  I can see them wanting to spread it out.  Talk to Kristen today and getting a good rumor going then contact you and Kevin tomorrow.”

“Seriously, what else could she say? We already proved that the divorce was legitimate and everything that she said was a lie.  What else is there?”

“Who knows? She’ll probably say that the divorce documents were fakes or some other rubbish.”

I could hear Miles in the background giggling at something and I smiled, “What is he doing?”

“He’s dumped his whole bowl of cheerios over his head.  Heaps of fun…”

I laughed, “So damn cute… take pictures.”

“I will.”  She paused, “Shit… the office is calling, they’ve probably heard about ET too.  I’ll call you back okay?”

“Sure, we’ll be here.”  When I hung up I noticed that Kevin had hung up his phone as well.  I grabbed his hand in mine and squeezed it.  He smiled, albeit weakly, and squeezed back while we both stared at the screen and waited for the latest chapter in the Kristen saga to unfold.

Part 39 -  Fallen

“My quote that went out on the Today Show this morning was taken out of context,” was what Kristen said to the person interviewing her on Entertainment Tonight. “I didn’t mean for it to be such a big deal.  I’m friends with Mark and when he mentioned he was interviewing Kevin's girfriend I said some things I shouldn’t have said.  He asked me if he could quote me and I honestly thought he was kidding so I said yes.  I had no idea he was going to say it the way he did.” 

The reporter kept a friendly smile on his face and nodded, “So he said it in a way that wasn’t how you wanted him to say it?”

“Well yeah… I mean, he made me sound like such a jerk.  Like I was totally out to frame Kevin.  That wasn’t the case at all.”

The reporter looked at a card in his hand then back at Kristen, “I’m paraphrasing here but you were basically quoted as saying that Kevin was cheating on you, that you hadn’t been divorced when he began dating Kellie, and that your divorce is still in the works.  But according to the documents provided by your ex-husband’s lawyer, none of that is true.  So what exactly was taken out of context?  If you weren’t out to frame Kevin, what were you trying to do?”

“Well… I…” Kristen stammered.  “It’s just that…”

“Just that you’re a lying whore?” I said to the television and Kevin chuckled.

The reporter stepped in again, “Was there any truth in the statement you made to the Today Show?”

Kristen sighed, “No.  I was upset because I saw how happy Kevin seemed with this chick and I lashed out, okay?  I never meant for Mark to share any of it on television.”

“So Kevin has never cheated on you?”

“No.”

“And he didn’t begin dating Kellie while he was married to you?”

Kristen rolled her eyes and shook her head, “No.”

“And the divorce papers dated seven months back… they’re accurate?”

“Yes.”

“Ha!  Stupid Whore!” I yelled at the TV.  “You fucked with the wrong couple!”

Kevin chuckled again, “You’re taking way too much joy in this.”

“Yes, I am…” I said with a smile aimed at him.  “She totally ruined my first day of Book Week with her bullshit.  Am I happy that she’s looking like a total ass-hat on national television right now? Oh hell yeah I am!”

The interview went on with Kristen trying to dig herself out of a hole and the reporter basically not taking any of her bullshit. It was freaking brilliant.  By the end of the interview I had a huge grin on my face and felt more relaxed than I had all day long.

Jules called to have a little celebration over the phone with us and we discussed sending a thank you gift to the Entertainment Tonight staff.  Then since we were scheduled to see each other bright and early the next morning for more interviews, we said our goodbyes and I spent the rest of the evening alone with Kevin.  We talked about recreating our most awesome sexcapade up on Josef’s roof but in the end were much too tired to even bother and ended up lying in bed together watching some old movie until we both passed out.

Morning came way too quickly for my taste and before I knew it, I was on the set of Good Morning America to do yet another morning show interview about my book.  Thankfully the chick who interviewed me didn’t have any tricks up her sleeves and the interview barely even touched on the previous day’s Kristin Drama.  I was happy to gush on-air about my sexy boyfriend when asked and gladly answered questions about my books turning into a movie with the vague canned answers that Jules had provided me.  In all, it was a much better morning than the day before had been.

After my interview I yawned as I limped my way into the green room to meet my entourage.  I plopped myself down on the couch that Kevin was sitting on and put my head on his shoulder.  My eyes closed and I yawned again.

“You were great, babe…” he told me quietly.

“Thanks…” I said, my eyes still closed as I hugged his arm.

Jules walked in and ruined my happy little mini nap, “Oh no you don’t… no resting for you. We have half an hour to get to your next gig. Up, now…”

I sighed and looked at Kevin, “She’s mean.”

He laughed and stood up then offered me his hand, “I know, but you love her.  Come on, the sooner you get through this, the sooner we can go home and sleep.” 

He pulled me to my feet and I only grimaced a little bit when putting weight on my ankle.  I was hoping that by the next day I would be able to go without the gigantic robo-cop brace and just wear sneakers instead. 

“If you two weren’t shagging all the time you wouldn’t be so damn tired…” Jules said as she handed me my bag.

I gave her a dirty look, “For your information there was no shagging last night.”

She raised an eyebrow at me, “Oh really? Trouble in Paradise?”

“More like, Day from Hell Thanks to the Evil Ex-Whore…” I said and giggled.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that…” she laughed while we made our way down the hall.  “I guess if you’re so tired then we shouldn’t pick up Miles to have lunch with us after this next gig.”

“Withhold the Baby Man and I’ll purposely screw up the rest of my interviews for the remainder of the week just so that you have to do clean up…”

She giggled and looked at Kevin, “Good Lord, she’s beastly today…”

He grinned at her, “Just hand over the kid and no one will get hurt.”

I nodded, “Exactly…”  I then stopped and looked around, “Where the hell is Christian?”

“Meeting us at the car, I sent him on a quick errand.”

We resumed walking and I shook my head with a smile, “Would you stop using Christian as your glorified go-for who you don’t have to pay?”

“Trust me, you’ll be glad I did this time…”

When we walked out of the building and made our way to the car waiting for us I climbed in to see Christian already sitting in the limo.  He smiled from ear to ear and handed over a Grande Mocha Frappichino from Starbucks.

“Oh sweet heaven in a cup…” I moaned as I took the drink from him.    

“Told you…” Jules said as she got in and slid across the seat to make room for Kevin.

I tried not to grin but couldn’t help it, “I love you guys…”

~~~~~

The second interview of the morning went well… I only yawned once during it but considering it wasn’t on live television they promised me they’d edit the yawn out before putting the segment on air.

By the time we made it to lunch and I had a very happy Baby Man in my lap, I was exhausted and everyone else was too.  “You’d think we hadn’t slept in a week…” I said and drank my Coke while trying to keep Miles’ wandering hands away from my ice.  He’d already dunked his hands in my water and grabbed an ice cube only to chuck it across the table at Christian with a squee of delight.  Apparently Miles was in the Grabby Hands phase of child development. 

“One quick phone interview at two for the NYU radio station, which you can actually do from bed if you want as long as you don't fall asleep, and then you’re free until the book signing tonight…” Jules said.

I nodded and kissed Miles’ head.  He looked up at me and grinned as drool oozed out of his mouth.  I chuckled and wiped his mouth with my fingers then wiped them on my napkin in my lap that he was sitting on.  I turned Miles around so he was standing in my lap facing me; he loved standing more than he loved throwing things.  His chubby little wet fingers wrapped around mine and he stood on my legs then began bobbing up and down like a drunken sailor.

I looked beyond Miles to Jules for a moment, “How do you stand the cuteness?”

“I often don’t…” she said and shrugged.  “He overwhelms me with it many times a day.”

“You’re just so dang cute…” I said to Miles and leaned forward to gently nibble on his nose.  He giggled like it was the funniest damn thing in the world which made us all laugh with him.  “You think it’s funny, but I’m gunna eat you up, kid.  I’m going to start with those cheeks and then snack on those fingers and leave those wonderful chunky legs for last…”  I kissed all over his face and he let out little squeals in between belly laughs as I pretended to eat him.

“That’s kind of nasty when you think about it, Kels…” Christian said with his fork paused before his mouth.

I looked at him, “Yeah, and?”

“Not that I don’t totally agree that he’s insanely edible… but it’s kind of gross.  You’re talking about eating the kid’s legs.”

We all laughed a little too hard, mostly because we were all getting slap happy from being so tired.  Miles kept up his little dance on my lap and babbled in his Baby Man language totally oblivious to the fact that several adults were talking about eating him.  “Okay so maybe once he’s old enough to understand what we’re talking about we’ll have to stop saying that we’re going to eat him. But until then we shall talk of nothing but eating up his adorableness,” I grinned at Miles and kissed his sweet little nose.  “Right, Baby Man?”

He babbled at me and then laughed at whatever it is he said then did some deep knee bends.  Kevin laughed, “I think that was a yes…”

“Me too…”

I looked at Kevin watching Miles and I shit you not I could feel my womb screaming out for a baby.  Not just any baby, but a baby of Kevin’s that had his beautiful eyes and my curly hair.  I glanced at Jules and she was watching me. She shot me a knowing grin and I stuck my tongue out at her.  I wondered to myself how in just a few short months I’d managed to go from being the happy single woman to being in love and wanting to bear children with the hunk of sex sitting next to me.  It was nuts. 

When I looked at Kevin again he smiled and leaned in to give me a kiss.  Miles interrupted the kiss by leaning forward with his own drooly kiss on Kevin’s cheek.  As Kevin wiped drool from his face and laughed I decided that I didn’t care how nuts it was that I had fallen so hard for him in such a short time.  The fact of the matter was that I had fallen and I liked it a lot.

Part 40 – Human Teether

“All I’m saying is that if I run into her it’s going to take a lot to keep from giving her a piece of my mind…” AJ said as he stood in the kitchen of Josef’s place as we made dinner the next day.  He’d been going on nonstop since he’d arrived about what a colossal asshat Kristin was and how badly he wanted to give her a good talking to about fucking with the people he loved.

I patted his arm, “I appreciate it, honey.  Just don’t do anything that’ll end up with you in jail, please.”

He crossed his heart, “Promise…”

“Have I mentioned how glad I am that you’re here?”

“A few times…” he replied with a grin.  “Ready to be my date at the ball tomorrow?”

“Of course I am!  I’m not so sure Kevin is, but I am.”

“What about me?” Kevin asked as he walked into the kitchen.  He’d been on the phone and had stepped into the other room to avoid the chaos going on in the kitchen. 

“Ready to give your girl up for the night tomorrow?” AJ asked.

Kevin made a grumpy face that made me laugh, “Not really.”

“Oh you’ll be fine…” I giggled.  “Christian will take good care of you and it’s not like we won’t still be there together.”

“I know…” Kevin said and smiled.  “I just like to pout.”

AJ wrapped his arm around my shoulders and looked at Kevin, “Whatever, man… Pout all you want but she’s mine.” 

“Only until midnight tomorrow, then she’s mine again.”

Jules groaned from where she was sitting with Miles, “Seriously, Kellie… I kind of hate you right now.”

“Oh, honey… don’t hate.  I can’t help it if they love me.”

She raised a perfectly manicured middle finger at me behind Miles’ back and we all laughed.  AJ looked at her, “I think I’m falling in love with you, Jules.  You swear as much as I do, you’ve got a dirty mind, and you keep great company.”

“And yet you’re taking her to the ball tomorrow… I see how you are,” she teased.  “I’ll just be at home with my adorable child.”

AJ let go of me and sat next to Jules, “Next time, I promise.”  Miles made grabby hands toward AJ and pretty much crawled out of Jules’ arms into AJ’s.  “See?  Even your spawn likes me.”

Jules laughed, “My spawn likes your tattoos.”

Miles sat in AJ’s lap and was mesmerized with the tattoos on his arms.  He kept pawing at them like he was trying to pick the lines off of AJ’s skin.  AJ smiled down at Miles, “Well he’s got good taste then.  Dontcha’, buddy?”

Miles used AJ’s fingers as a human teether and I was pleasantly surprised to see that AJ didn’t even flinch at it.  In fact, he was awfully good at holding Miles too.  “How’d you get so good with babies, AJ?” I asked from where I was stirring part of our dinner in its pan.  Kevin was next to me working on a side dish.

“Heck if I know…” AJ laughed.  “I’ve always liked kids.  I never went through that whole ‘I’m too tough and manly to enjoy a baby’ phase like most guys do.”  He looked at Miles and smiled, “I mean, come on… how can anyone not like this guy?”

“Ask his father that…” Jules groaned and got up for a drink.  “I think it’s sweet how you and Kevin both are totally cool with Miles.  I just wish more men were like you.”

“So the dad’s not around?” AJ asked.

“Nope.  He pays child support but he’s never wanted anything to do with him other than to have the paternity test to make sure I wasn’t lying about Miles being his kid.”

“Jackass…” I grumbled.  “You’re both better off without him, Julesie.”

“Oh I know…” she said and smiled.  “It’s just annoying sometimes.  I wouldn’t trade my little shit for the world though, so if having to deal with a Bastard is what I had to do to get Miles, it was totally worth it.”

“My dad was a deadbeat too…” AJ said while he bounced Miles on his knees and Miles cackled.  “He didn’t come around until I was famous and then suddenly wanted everything to do with me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that…” I said. 

AJ shrugged, “Thanks, but I think I’m going to be a great dad some day because of it.  I don’t want to be one of those assholes who think that because they had a crappy dad it means that’s the way they have to be too, you know?”

I nodded, “Totally… I think that’s awesome.”

“Kev’s going to be a great dad… But mostly because he actually had an amazing dad as a role model unlike some of us.”

Kevin nodded, “I’m going to try...”

I smiled at him, “I’m sure you’ll succeed.”

He smiled back and kissed me, “Thanks.”

Jules shook her head as she took her seat next to AJ again, “They’re sickening aren’t they?”

AJ laughed, “Yeah but I like it.  It’s kind of like they give me hope or some shit like that.”

She smiled, “Me too…”

“So when are you two going to have a kid for us?” AJ asked.

Kevin dropped the spoon in the pan he was tending to and I laughed, “I don’t think we have immediate plans…”

“Well yeah but come on… you two are stupid in love and you both want kids, right?”

“Yeah…” I said with a giggle while watching Kevin try to get his spoon out of the pan without burning himself.

“So… make a baby then!”

Kevin successfully retrieved the spoon and turned to rinse it off before addressing AJ, “Why don’t you make a baby, AJ?”

“Uh, because she’s your girlfriend?”   

“I didn’t mean with Kellie…” Kevin groaned.

“Oh, well… whatever.  You have a woman, I don’t.  I can’t have a baby on my own.  You however have the time, the love, and the amazing chick to do it with.  So do it.”

“Miles could use a playmate…” Jules agreed.

I looked at Kevin, “What’s happening?”

He smiled, “Apparently they’ve decided we need to have a kid.”

Just then Christian walked into the kitchen, “Wait. What?”

“We’ve decided that Kel and Kev need to have a baby. Now,” AJ explained.

Christian’s eyes lit up and he grinned, “Oh, yes!”

I looked at Kevin again, “Seriously.  What’s going on?”

“Josef and I have been talking about it for a while…” Christian said.  “You guys have to have a baby!”

“Can you imagine how gorgeous a kid of theirs would be?” Jules gushed.

“Right?” AJ replied.  “So perfect.”

“So wait a minute.  You guys have all been talking about this behind our backs?” I asked.

“Yep.”

“Oh just admit it… you guys totally want to procreate!” Christian said. 

I blushed and Kevin wrapped his arm around my waist, “There’s no one in the world I’d rather have a kid with.  It’ll happen when it happens.”  He looked at me and smiled, “Right?”

I nodded looking up into those pretty green eyes, “Right.”

Part 41 – Voice of Reason

I couldn’t stop thinking about babies.  Ever since the whole conversation about how apparently everyone in my circle of friends had decided that Kevin and I needed to have a child, that’s all I could think of.

It didn’t help that the next day was a day off from book stuff and all I had on my agenda was getting ready for the ball and then, of course, the ball that night.  My mind had all sorts of time to go completely nuts thinking about babies and wondering if Kevin had really meant that he wanted to have one with me.  I told myself that maybe he’d just been trying to appease the masses and get them to change the subject.  Then I told myself to stop being so damn negative and just let it be.

Jules and I were at a salon having a whole afternoon of beauty to get ready for the ball when I finally pulled myself out of my brain and looked at her, “Do you think he meant it?”

She looked up from a magazine she’d been going through as we sat side by side getting pedicures.  Well, I was getting a pedicure on my good foot and a very gentle nail painting on the bad foot which was starting to finally look a little better.  I still had the Robo-Cop brace on though, no way was I ready to bareback it yet.  “What the hell are you talking about?”

“Sorry…” I said and sighed.  “I’ve been having this whole dialogue in my head without you and now I finally need you to input.”

She laughed, “Okay… so who are we talking about then?”

“Heartthrob.  What he said last night while we were making dinner and you guys were going on about…” I looked at the top of the head of the girl doing my pedicure and decided to censor myself.  She was young enough to know who Kevin was and possibly be a fan.  After the Kristin drama I was becoming very paranoid about who I opened my mouth around.  “The stuff you were talking about last night.”

Jules gave me a look that I was very familiar with.  It was one that said, I love you dearly but I have no idea what you’re getting at.  “You’re going to have to give me a better clue, babe.”

“In the kitchen, you and your new boy toy were talking all about how I need to do something with Heartthrob.”  I caught the chick doing my toes look up at us as Jules was trying to decode my lame cover up. 

“Ohhh!” Jules finally said and laughed. “Yeah, he can be my boy toy, that’s for sure.  But yeah, I remember now.”

“So do you think he meant what he said?”

“About how it would happen when it was time?” she asked and I nodded.  “That’s why you’ve been so quiet today?  You’ve been ruminating about that the whole time?”

“Yeah.”

“Do you want him to mean it?”

I thought about it for a moment and nodded, “Yeah, I do.”

She smiled.  “I know you do, I just wanted to hear you say it.”

I flipped her off, “Suck it.”

“No thanks,” she said and giggled.  “But honestly, I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who says things he doesn’t mean.  He seems like he’s got a habit of making sure that he’s sure before he opens his mouth, you know?”

“Yeah… that’s true.  He’s pretty cautious.”  I went to bite my thumbnail nervously but then remembered that I had a fresh manicure and quickly pulled my hand away from my mouth, “I keep trying to tell myself that he only said it so you guys would change the subject.”

“Oh, honey… No way.  He wouldn’t do that to you.  You both know how important that subject is to each other.”

“Right,” I said and stared at my manicure. 

I lost myself in thought again for a moment until I felt Jules put her hand on my arm.  “Get out your phone.”

“Huh?”

“Just do it,” she said and pulled her own phone out of her purse. 

She began typing a text as I got my phone out and within a minute my phone was buzzing with the new message.

He loves you.  He’s not going to hurt you, honey.  He’s one of the good ones.  Don’t talk yourself into thinking that he’s some ass who is going to break your heart.

I couldn’t help but tear up as I read the message.  I bit my lip as I typed out a response and sent it to her.

I’m trying.  It’s so freaking hard though! I look at him and he’s so damn perfect and I love him so much.  Then I think to myself that it can’t be real. He can’t love me like this.

Jules read my message and smiled, “But he does.”

I looked down at my phone and sent her another message.

If you make me cry in this salon I’m going to kill you.

She laughed, “Fair enough.  But you know what I say is the truth.”

“Yeah I do.”

“So stop listening to that damn critic in your head and just flow with the go.”

I cracked up to the point that I snorted.  Back when Jules and I had first met she hadn’t been in the States for long and sometimes struggled with American slang.  One day while we were having a heated disagreement about something book related she’d told me to flow with the go instead of go with the flow and I’d laughed so hard I’d nearly peed my pants.  We knew from that moment that we were going to get along great and had been buds ever since.  She always knew to pull out incorrect slang to make me giggle like a nut job. 

I was lucky that I hadn’t gotten my makeup done yet because if I had, I would have cried my eyeliner off while laughing.  I wiped at my eyes with my fingertips and continued to giggle, “I love you…”

“And I adore you, my love.  Anytime you work yourself up into a doubting frenzy just call me and I’ll slap you around verbally to make it all better.  Okay?”

“Deal… You’re always my voice of reason when it comes to my books, you might as well be it in other departments, right?”

“Precisely!  And the only payment I want in return is to live vicariously through you.”

“That, I can do.  Ooh and babysitting! When I’m in town I’m always able to stay with the Baby Man.”

“Well that’s a given, you’re the Godmum.  You’ll always be a built in baby sitter.  But yes, that’s another form of payment.  That and free books, a cozy place to stay on the beach when I’m in Florida and visitation privileges with Vinnie, of course.” 

“Most definitely!”

“Now stop being all serious, you’re going to a freaking ball tonight!  It’s time to pretend you’re a princess!  Got it?”

I giggled and saluted her, “Yes, ma’am!”

Part 42 – The Gauntlet

Getting ready for the ball was kind of like getting ready for prom except that my mom wasn’t there fussing over me and when I came down the stairs instead of there being a short but adorable basketball player waiting for me in a rented tux, Kevin would be there in a gorgeous Armani tux that he actually owned. 

“If I’d known that I was going to have a sprained ankle for the ball I would have gotten a longer dress…” I said with a groan as I looked into the mirror.  The dress was still absolutely perfect and I felt like a movie star, from the knees up that is. 

“No one will care what your legs look like once they see all of this…” Jules said as she motioned toward my chest.  I had to admit, the boobs did look pretty brilliant in the dress.

I chuckled and did a shimmy in her direction, “I know you’re jealous of my bodacious tatas.”

Jules laughed and rolled her eyes, “Whatever…”

I looked in the mirror again and looked at my Robo-cop brace.  I’d taken it off earlier in hopes of maybe being able to go without it for the night and bring along my crutches, but once I saw how utterly gross my bruises were looking, I decided that covering up the leg was more important.  Thankfully I had a pair of ballet flats that were pretty enough to go with my dress so I at least had one cute leg. 

Jules walked up to me holding my mom’s necklace and helped me put it on.  As soon as it was in place I suddenly didn’t care anymore about my stupid ankle-foot.  The jewelry from my parent’s wedding was absolutely perfect with my dress and seeing that it was the first time I’d finally been able to wear it, I was beyond happy.

“Oh wow…” I sighed.

“Perfect…” Jules said with a grin.  “You clean up pretty well, kid.”

I gave her a hug, “I wish you were coming…”

“Me too, but I’ll be having my own party with Miles tonight and tomorrow you can fill me in with all of the details.”

“Deal.”  I checked everything one last time and then took a deep breath and let it out slowly.  “Why do I feel like it’s my wedding day or something?  I shouldn’t be so nervous.”

“It’s the first time Kevin’s seen you all dressed up and swanky… But seriously, you should not be nervous.  You look absolutely fabulous.”

There was a knock on the door followed by Christian popping into the room all decked out in his tux. I grinned at him, “You look amazing, Boo!”

“Me?  I just put on a tux. But you?  Holy shitake mushrooms, woman!  You are gorgeous!”

I giggled, “Oh hush…” 

“And speaking of gorgeous, our dates are downstairs looking like fucking rock stars.  So. Hot.”

“They are rock stars, remember? Or at least pop stars.”

“I know!  And we’re going to prom with them!” Christian said and giggled like an idiot.

I laughed too, “It’s a ball, babe… not prom.  This is way cooler.  And at the end of the night I’m fucking your date.”

“Does that mean I can fuck yours?” he teased.

“Um no… I think Josef would veto that one.  Plus I think Jules and Mom are going to duke it out over AJ.”

“I love your mother dearly, but AJ’s already admitted to loving my kid.  I think I get dibs,” Jules said as she fixed one of my curls into place with a bobby pin.  “That one curl just wouldn’t stop sticking up… You’re good now.”

“Thanks…” I said and grinned at her.  “Thanks for having a girlie day with me today too.”

“Anytime, Love… now let’s go check out the sexy men downstairs!”

Christian offered me his arm and we walked from the room giggling like the morons we are.  I had to do the oh so attractive one step at a time thing on the way down and was focusing so much on not falling that I didn’t even see Kevin until I was at the bottom of the steps.  It was probably a really good thing too because when I did see him, it took my breath away.

“Holy cow…” I said staring up at him. 

He laughed, “I hope that’s a good holy cow…”

I nodded and grinned, “Really good.  Hot damn, Heartthrob.”

He blushed, which I loved, and ran his fingers through his hair.  He’d told me he was going to get it trimmed but what he’d come back with was more than just a trim.  The hair that had been almost long enough to put into a small pony tail was cut short to his head with the top left long enough to do that amazingly sexy bed head look.  It was a cut he’d had before back in his boyband days and one that was fucking hot.  “I got a little more than a trim…”

“I guess so…” I said and checked out his new do.  Visions of tugging on his hair during sex ran through my head and made all of my happy spots wake up.  “I like this.  A lot.”  Not to mention the fact that the tux he was in was stunning.  The man was sex personified.

He leaned down to kiss my cheek, “You are absolutely dazzling, by the way…”

My turn to blush, “Thanks…”

“Um, excuse me but I’m her date…” AJ said and pushed his way in between Kevin and me. 

“Well hello, gorgeous…” I said taking in AJ in his equally amazing tux.

“Hey, sexy… The dress still looks awesome.”

“Even with my sexy boot, right?”

He laughed, “Even so…”  He wrapped his arm around my waist and looked at Kevin, “So… I did okay, right?  Killer dress?”

Kevin nodded and smiled, “Killer.”

“Sweet!  She’s mine til midnight so go play with Christian…”

Jules insisted that we pose for pictures in the living room and on the staircase like we were going to prom.  It was pretty comical to tell you the truth, and to this day the photos are hanging on my living room wall.

Kevin got to hold my hand and pose with me in photos as we arrived at the ball.  There wasn’t a red carpet, so to speak, but there was quite the row of press to go through that I hadn’t been prepared for at all.  Apparently the ball was a much bigger deal than I’d expected. 

I’d done my fair share of press but I’d never walked the gauntlet with photographers and people with microphones screaming my name.  Thankfully my uber sexy boyfriend was a pro at this sort of thing and helped me through the process, but I did have a death grip on his hand the entire time.

“Holy crap that was intense…” I said once we were though the chaos. 

“You were awesome…” Kevin said and pulled me into a hug. 

“It was kind of scary and yet really thrilling all at once.  And all of those flashes!  I can barely see right now.”

He chuckled, “You’ll get used to it…”

Christian and AJ who had been behind us on the gauntlet finally joined us.  AJ chuckled at the look on my face, “First time?” 

I nodded, “Uh huh…”

“Did you like it?”

“Kinda?” I said and laughed.

“Get used to it, girlie… if you’re with this guy you’re going to be doing this a lot.”

I honestly hadn’t thought about it like that but it was true.  This sort of thing was a regular occurrence for Kevin since he was invited to big events all of the time.  Then of course there was the whole movie thing that my books would be going through eventually.  Everything was changing.

I covered my internal panic with a grin, “I’m just going to focus on tonight…”

AJ offered me his arm, “Good plan… shall we rock this ball?”

I kissed Kevin and then took AJ’s arm, “We shall…”

Part 43 – Sadie

The ball was amazing.  It was all sparkly and pretty just like a ball should be.  There were swag bags full of ridiculously expensive free gifts from sponsors at our table, the food and drinks were great, the music was awesome and since it was an ASPCA thing there were even adorable cats and dogs there. 

I managed to go around the dance floor once with AJ before deciding that my ankle-foot couldn’t take it.  After that we basically mingled and did little side activities that were set up around the ball to create awareness about animal rights.  There were even animals there that were available for adoption that I tried to stay away from but AJ dragged me over to anyway.

“Look at this one, she looks like Vinnie!” AJ said as he pulled me toward a puppy.

“Oh my goodness…” I cooed as we walked up to the pup.  She was definitely like looking at Vinnie when I’d adopted him from the Humane Society.  “Well hello, sweet baby…” I said as the puppy came up to us and wagged her tail.  I presented my hands to her and she immediately began licking them.  “You look just like my baby, oh yes you do…”

The puppy began giving AJ kisses and I could tell immediately that they were in love.  I spoke with the girl holding the dog’s leash about Vinnie and she explained that this dog was named Sadie and she was just four months old. 

“I do not need another dog… I do not need another dog…” AJ was mumbling as he rubbed Sadie’s belly.

“Yeah keep telling yourself that, babe…” I giggled.  “She loves you!  She wants you to take her home!”

“My home that’s across the country…”

“Yep… that one.  She wants you to be her daddy.”

AJ groaned but kept petting the dog and I giggled.  I looked around the ball as AJ fell further in love with Sadie.  I saw Kevin standing nearby talking to a group of people and smiled.  Then I saw something that I didn’t want to see.

“Oh shit…”

AJ looked up at me from the dog, “What?”

“She’s here…”

“Who?” AJ asked and stood back up from the crouch he’d been in.  He followed my gaze and then let out his own groan. “Fuck… Get over there, she’s eying him.”

I nodded and put my hand on his arm, “Sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it, you’re officially not my date anymore. Go!”

I kissed his cheek, gave him a quick ‘I love you’ and then made my way across the ballroom toward Kevin faster than I would have thought I could with a sprained ankle-foot.  Not fast enough though because I saw Kristin beeline it over to Kevin and she made it to him first.

Just before I got to him I grabbed two drinks from a waiter who was carrying a tray around and then easily slid my way up to Kevin giving him the glass like I’d just been gone for a bit.  “Here you go, honey…”

“Awesome… thank you…” he said and bent down to kiss me.  “You seem to have lost AJ though…”

 “He’s about to adopt a dog…” I said and chuckled.  I looked at Kristin as if I was just noticing that she was standing there, “Oh… hi.”

She smiled a fake smile and nodded at me before looking back at Kevin, “Anyway I was saying that I got a call this morning from the realtor in LA.  I guess they found someone who wants to buy our house.  They tried calling you but couldn’t get a hold of you since you changed your cell phone number so they called me.”

Kevin nodded as I slid my arm around his waist and he pulled me close while still looking at Kristin.  “They have all of my numbers but I’ll give them a call.”  The cold tone in his voice practically made me shiver.  If there had been any doubt before that he was completely done with Kristin there wasn’t any left.  He looked at her like it was absolute torture to even be in the same room with her.  “Is that all?”

Kristin glanced at me and then back at Kevin, “Listen… I’m sorry about the mess I made, okay?  I honestly didn’t mean for anything I said to Mark to make it on the air.  Then it just blew up.  I don’t hate you, Kevin.”

“Uh huh…” he said and took a drink from his glass. 

I squeezed him and he gave me a squeeze back as Kristin looked at me, “And I’m sorry that Mark did that to you.  Trust me, he’s gotten into a lot of trouble over it.  They might even fire him from NBC.”

I shook my head sadly, “I don’t ever enjoy hearing that someone is out of a job.  He made a really stupid mistake but I hope it doesn’t ruin his career.”

“Me too…” Kristin said quietly and I actually believed her.  There was an awkward moment of silence between the three of us and then with a sigh she said, “I’ll leave you two alone.  I um… well, sorry again.”

She walked off without a goodbye said by any of us and I moved so I was facing Kevin, “You okay?”

He nodded but I could tell he wasn’t quite okay yet.  He smiled and kissed me, “Thank you, for coming to my rescue.”

I chuckled and wrapped my arms around his waist, “If I could have run I would have been here quicker.  I saw her and then AJ was like ‘She’s eyeing him! Go!’ and I took off but she still beat me.”

Kevin shook his head, “It was perfect.  The look on her face when you showed up was great.  She probably thought you weren’t here since you’ve been hanging out with AJ all night.”

“Probably…” I said and smiled up at him.  “It went better than I expected.  I had all sorts of visions on my way over here of me having to kick her ass then all sorts of chaos ensuing.  Dogs barking, cats hissing, hair pulling… it wasn’t pretty.”

He laughed, “I’m glad you didn’t have to go that far.”

“Me too… wouldn’t want to mess up my pretty dress or this awesome hairdo!”

“Exactly…” He kissed me again and then lingered with his forehead pressed against mine. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby… AJ fell for a puppy named Sadie so I’m all yours for the rest of the ball.”

“You’re all mine?” he asked with a true smile that made it all the way up to his eyes as he pulled back just enough to see my face.

“Yep.”

“Well then I’m a lucky, lucky man.”

“A lucky man who is going to get lucky…” I said and laughed.

“Soon?”

I wiggled my eyebrows at him, “Perhaps… If we leave now we’ll beat the boys home and can be as loud as we want for a while.”

Kevin dipped his head and kissed me on my neck, just below my ear then whispered, “Let’s get the hell out of here.” 

Part 44 – Swag Bag

“I just don’t get how one person can marry her and then end up with me.  We’re like total night and day…” I told Kevin as we ate ice cream in Josef’s kitchen.  We’d made it home from the ball and had some pretty epic sex then decided to raid the fridge.  I was sitting on the island in the middle of the kitchen and Kevin was leaning against another counter.

He laughed at me, “How about we just drop it?”

“Dude, I can’t!” I laughed.  “I keep wanting to but I can’t stop thinking about it.  I mean come on… she’s tall, I’m short.  She’s blonde, I’m a brunette.  She’s pretty and all, but skinny as a rail while I have curves.  And seriously, Kev?  As much as you love my boobs, how in the world were you married to her?  She has no boobs!”  I grabbed my boobs for emphasis and shook them, “How did you live without this for so long?”

He watched me as I giggled and he shook his head, “You’re absolutely right… she’s 100% your total opposite.  I just didn’t realize until it was too late that she wasn’t my type and I should have been going for the goofy writer chick instead.”

“You want to know what’s funny though?”

“Probably not…” he teased and laughed at his own joke.

I rolled my eyes, “Come here… You’re too far away…”  He pushed himself off of the cabinet and stood between my legs which I then wrapped around his waist.  He was only wearing pajama bottoms so I got to look at his oh-so-pretty chest.  I pressed myself against him and sighed, “Much better…”

His hands slid up underneath my night shirt and roamed my skin.  He kissed my neck in what I assume was an attempt to finally get me to stop talking about his ex-wife, “So what’s funny?”

My eyes were rolled into my head as I sighed while he started sucking on my skin, “No hickies, I still have press to do…”

He chuckled against my skin, “No hickies…”

“Anyway…” I said while struggling to from coherent sentences while my hot boyfriend sucked on my neck.  “I was totally intimidated by her before and now I’m not.”

That apparently was interesting enough to stop him from his foreplay to look at me, “Really?”

I nodded.  “I always had her in my mind as this gorgeous tall blonde dancer who you loved before me and who I’d never be like.  Not that I want to be like her but you know… we’re so different, it’s always sort of bugged me that I’m not really your type or something.”

“Oh, babe…” he sighed and shook his head.

“I know…” I nodded.  “But now, she’s just Kristin.  Yeah, she’s a tall blonde dancer but she’s not the nicest person in the world and well damn it, I’m hotter.”

He laughed, “You are hotter.  So much hotter.”

“She’s like the high school chick and I’m the older experienced woman.  I feel pretty damn good about myself right now.  She’s off somewhere being tall and blonde but who has her legs wrapped around your waist and just had mind blowing sex with you?”

“You…”

“Who has curves and hips and actual boobs to run your hands all over?”

“You.”

“And who is going to fuck you like an animal tonight?” I asked and giggled.

“You!”

“That’s right… so honestly, the Stupid Whore isn’t even a blip on my radar anymore.”

He held my face in his hands and looked at me silently before pulling me toward him for a kiss. It was a really good kiss.  Afterward he ran his thumb back and forth across my cheek, “She shouldn’t have ever been a blip… I’m sorry that she was though.  I’m with you, love you, and want you.  No one else, okay?”

I nodded and found myself suddenly choked up, “Okay.  I love you too, you know?”

He smiled and nodded, “I do.”

“Good.  Know what else?”

“Tell me…” 

I ran my hands over his chest and down to his waist.  I tugged on the drawstring of his pants with a grin, “I’m ready to go back to bed.”

~~~~~

The day after the ball all I had another day off so I’d definitely planned on getting some sleep.   Apparently my body had different plans though because I woke up just before sunrise and couldn’t fall back asleep. 

I made coffee and surfed the internet for a while.  Pictures from the ball were already popping up online and Jules had e-mailed me the prom-like pictures as well which made me giggle.  I sent them all to my mom and wished it wasn’t so early because I really felt like hearing her voice for some reason.

After checking email, my blog and everything else I could think of to pass the time I finally decided to try going upstairs to the roof thinking that maybe the fresh air would do me some good.  I grabbed my cell phone and the swag bag from the ball from our bedroom where Kevin was still passed out and sleeping soundly.

The morning was warm but not hot and once I was situated on the outdoor bed I took off my brace and stretched out letting the breeze blow over me.  The sky was gorgeously clear and blue.  It was so clear that it reminded me of the morning of 9/11.  That had been a gorgeous morning too, until the world blew up. 

I looked to the skyline where the towers used to be and it was almost like I could still see their shadow.  Even after eight years it just didn’t seem right for those massive buildings to be gone.  I held my locket and closed my eyes thinking about Sean and sending him my love as always.

It wasn’t often that I let myself play the What If? game about Sean.  Sure, I did it in my nightmares, always hoping that I’d one day be able to save him from his impending death.  But in my waking hours, I tried not to let my mind think too much about what things would be like if he hadn’t died. 

That morning on the roof I couldn’t help it though.  I had to wonder, if he hadn’t died and I hadn’t written Tuesday Morning, where would I be?  Would I still be struggling to get my books noticed or would I have written something else that caught the eyes of readers around the world?  Would I have ever been a part of Oprah’s Book Club?  Would I still be living in New York?  Would I have met Kevin all over again?  Of course thinking about all of those questions didn’t really do any good because I simply didn’t know the answers.  All I did know was that I was where I was for a reason. 

Tuesday Morning was born from my broken heart, led me to the bestseller’s lists, and gave my career a huge boost.  I’d moved to Florida to get away from Sean’s ghost and closer to my Mom.  I adopted a puppy because I was afraid to love another person and lose him like I lost my baby brother; and my puppy grew up to be a horse of a dog that rammed his nose up the butt of a hot guy who eventually became my boyfriend.  It all made sense.  Except of course that Sean wasn’t physically there being a part of it all.

In the years since 9/11 I’d been invited each year on the anniversary to be a part of the ceremonies down at Ground Zero.  Especially after my book became a hit with so many people the invitations to visit the cleanup crew and construction workers seemed nonstop.  I couldn’t do it though.  In nearly eight years I hadn’t been back to that site because I didn’t know if I could handle it.

My mom had gone on the anniversary a couple of times and said that it was a very cathartic thing, but whenever I thought about being there I had visions of panic attacks and ugly crying.  I also worried that someone would recognize me at the site and want to know more about my inspiration for my book.  To know all of those things about Sean that I’d never talked about with my readers.

Sitting there listening to the city wake up and looking at the huge void where the towers had once been, for the first time in my life I wondered if I could actually go to see the site.  Things were just so different.  I was different.  And of course I had Kevin.

It was so weird to think that having one person in or out of my life meant such a big difference.  When Sean died I felt like all of my will to move forward was sucked out of me, but with Kevin I felt like I was able to do so much and face so many of the things that scared me. 

As I sat and looked through all of the things in the swag bag from the ball my cell phone rang a familiar tune that made me smile.  “Hi, Mama…”

“Hello, Baby… You sound very alert for so early in the morning.”

I chuckled, “I couldn’t sleep.  I’m just up on the roof looking through this bag of ridiculously expensive stuff they gave to us at the ball last night.”

“Anything worth sharing?”

“Oh my god, yeah… I already have a pile started for you.  This bag is huge!”

“I got those pictures you sent… you looked, amazing, Monkey.”

“Aww… thanks… I wish you could have been here to see me in person.  Despite my ankle, I felt pretty darn cute.”

“I love that you were able to finally wear my jewelry too, it matched your dress perfectly.”

“Didn’t it?  It was a fun night.  We ran into Kristen though…”

“Uh oh…”

“Yeah, but it turned out okay.  She backed off and I got to go home with Kevin.”

She laughed, “That’s my girl!”

“How’s my sweet Vinnie?”

“Just as adorable as ever.  We’re outside right now.  He’s running around with a tree branch he found in the yard.”

“I miss him… and you too of course!”

“Of course… Just a few more days and we’ll get to love on you though.”

“Yep…”  I pulled a box out of the swag bag and gasped.  “Holy crap!”

“What?”

“They gave us cell phones.”

“Who gave you cell phones?”

“In our swag bag… there’s a cell phone.  It’s one of those new iPhones.”

“I have no idea what that means…” my mom said and laughed.

I laughed too, “It’s like an iPod that’s a phone too.  They’re crazy expensive and I just got one for free!  So cool!”

“Did everyone get one?”

“I don’t know… I guess we’ll find out when the boys wake up.”  I opened up the box for the iPhone and began pulling things out.  “Dude, this is so cool…”

“I’m glad you’re excited about your new phone, honey. Now talk to me.”

“Oh right, sorry…” I giggled and forced myself to put the phone away.  “So… my ankle looks better today.  The bruising is awful but it doesn’t hurt.”

“My poor, Monkey…”

 “I might try going without the brace today.  See how it holds up.  We don’t really have any plans.”

“Just take it easy.”

“I will… I promise.  You know what I really want to do today?”

“Hmm?”

“I have this weird desire to make Snickerdoodles.  I was thinking about Sean just before you called and all of a sudden I’m craving them like mad.”

“He must be thinking of you too… those were always his favorite.  You should do it.  Make some and save one for him.”

“Yeah I should…”  My voice trailed off as a tiny spark of an idea formed in my head.

“What did you just think of?”

I chuckled, “Get out of my head, woman.”

“I can’t help it…” she laughed.  “Now tell me…”

“Well, I was thinking that maybe I should finally go down there.  Now that it’s a construction site instead of a cleanup site.  I don’t know, I just feel like maybe I can handle it now.”

“Oh, honey, that would be great… if you think you can do it, go for it.  Even if you don’t make it, you’ll have at least tried and gotten that much closer to getting there.”

“Yeah… Like, maybe I could take some cookies down there and give them to the workers or something.  I don’t know if they’ll let me do that but, I could try.”

“Yes you could.”

“Then again, maybe I’m just delusional because I got up too early on too little sleep…” I teased.

“There you go again covering with sarcasm…”

“I’m just so good at it, Mama.”

“Uh huh…”  She laughed, “Oh boy, your son just brought me what remains of the branch and dropped it at my feet.”

“Nice and slimy?”

“Definitely.” I listened as she told Vinnie to take the branch off the deck and back into the yard.  “How’d you end up with a dog that minds so well?”

“Heck if I know…” I laughed.  “Although I’m afraid to know what that means when I have a baby.  I’ll probably end up with a kid who is a demon.”

“No you won’t… you’ll have wonderful babies who are wonderful like you.”

“Even from you that was a little too gushy, Ma.”

“I can’t help it… you haven’t talked about babies in a long time.”

“Did I tell you that I heard from the adoption agency last week and I’m number two on the list?”

“No, you did not.  That’s wonderful!”

“Yeah… it could still be a long time though.”

“Have you told Kevin about it?”

“Mmm hmm…” I said as I finally got bored of the stuff in the swag bag and laid down.  “He’s cool with it.  He really wants kids bad.  Apparently Jules, Josef and AJ have all been discussing that Kev and I need to have a kid right away.”

She laughed, “I’ve been in on that too.”

“Seriously?” I asked and giggled.

“As soon as I saw him I knew you had to have a kid with him.”

“Cause he’s so sexy or because he’s such a great guy?  I seem to recall you talking about how much you enjoyed his ass right away too.”

“Both…” she chuckled. 

 “You’re a crazy nut job but I love you.”

“I love you too, Monkey.” 

“I’m glad you called… I needed a Mama Call.”

“I figured.  You were on my mind as soon as I got up to let Vinnie out.  I was going to wait to call until later but something told me you were awake.”

I smiled, “I think its Sean.  I think he watches us and when he knows we need each other he makes it happen.”

“That’s a really great way to think about it.  I like that a lot.”

“Me too.  I sometimes think he must have sent Vinnie to me too.  I swear sometimes when I’m talking to Vinnie he gives me looks just like Sean did.”

“You never know… I’m a believer in reincarnation.”

“Yeah, me too.  Although sometimes if I think about it too much it creeps me out…” I laughed.  “Vinnie’s witnessed a lot of things that I’d never want my little brother to see.”

“True, but he wouldn’t necessarily remember that you are his sister…”

“I guess… It’s still creepy though.”

“Well don’t think about it then… just let it be.”

“Uh huh…” I said and giggled. 

“I should probably let you go, some of the pottery guild girls are on their way over to do some painting and I’m not set up at all.”

“Okay.  Make sure to rub Vinnie’s belly for me today. And tell him how much I miss him and love him.”

“No problem.”

We said our goodbyes and I continued to lay there just listening to the world around me.  I’d just about dozed off when my phone vibrated with a text message and scared the crap out of me.  It was from Kevin and he was asking where I was.

I laughed and sent him a reply telling him I was on the roof.  Within a few minutes he arrived and crawled onto the bed with me.  I couldn’t help but giggle, his freshly cut hair made even better bed head than the longer hair had, “Oh, honey… did you see your hair?”

He laughed and shook his head, “No but I remember how it was when I had it short before.”

“It’s kind of sexy… like I’ve had my fingers all up in there tugging it every which way.”

He laid down on his back with his head on my stomach, “You’re welcome to do that any time.”  I didn’t pull his hair but I did play with it, running my fingers through it lazily.  His eyes drifted closed and I was content just laying there watching him rest.  Eventually he opened his eyes and looked at me, “Nightmare?”

“Nope.”

“Good…” he said and smiled.

“I woke up and couldn’t get back to sleep.  I hung out in the kitchen for a while then came up here.  My mom called and we talked a bit… Oh and I totally scored an iPhone in my swag bag.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep…”

“Wow… I guess I’ll have to check my bag out later. How’s Vinnie and your mom?”

I smiled, “Good.  I can’t wait to be back home though.”

“Yeah, I love the city but I’m missing the beach and your bed.”

“You gunna move in with me officially now that someone wants to buy your house?  If Kristen wasn’t lying, that is.”

“Are you asking me to move in?” he asked with his eyes on mine.

I paused and then nodded, “Yeah.”

“Well then yes, I’m moving in.”

I couldn’t help but grin, “Really?”

“Yes, really.” He turned his head and looked at me giving me the cutest damn smile, “We might as well, right?  We practically live together anyway and I’m not planning on going anywhere else anytime soon unless you kick me out.”

“Which isn’t going to happen…”

“Thankfully…” he said with a chuckle.  “So let’s do it.”

“Get up here and seal the deal with a kiss, Heartthrob.”

He laughed but pushed himself up and then hovered over me on hands and knees.  I flashed back to our rooftop sex and blushed which made him smile, “Remembering what we did the last time we were up here?”

I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him down toward me, “Yes, and thinking of all of the things we can do when we live together.  All those sex toys you’ve yet to be introduced to…”

He laughed again, “Do they have names?”

“Most of them are just named B.O.B.  You know, Battery Operated Boyfriend?” I giggled and tugged on his shirt a little more so I could reach his lips with my own.  I kissed him and then wrapped my legs around his waist forcing him to press his body against mine.  I knew we couldn’t risk rooftop sex with Christian and AJ in the house but we could definitely make out and let our nether regions mambo a little bit.

We were both out of breath by the time we pulled apart and I know that at least I was considering taking the risk of getting it on up on the roof.  Everywhere that he touched me felt like it was on fire, in the good way, and I didn’t want it to stop.

“Kev…” I finally managed to pant as he moved his mouth down to my stomach where he’d pushed my nightshirt up.

“Hmm…” he responded and kept kissing across my belly.

My eyes rolled back into my head at the vibration of his voice against my skin, “Jesus…”

He laughed and although that vibration felt amazing too I couldn’t help but giggle at the sound of his laughter.  He perked his head up and looked at me, “I need to stop, huh?”

He was laying there on his stomach in between my thighs, dangerously close to going down on me and I wanted more than anything to tell him to keep going, but I knew I couldn’t.  I cupped his cheek with my hand and smiled, “Yeah… As much as I love the boys, I don’t need them to walk in on us like this.  Christian has seen me mostly naked but I’d rather leave AJ off that list of people.”

“Me too…” He said and pushed himself up with a smile.  “Come on… back to the bedroom.  We can be quiet.”

“Just as long as you don’t pull that shit you did on me at my Mom’s house…” I chuckled as I scooted my way to the edge of the bed.  I put my ankle brace back on and Kevin held his hand out to help me up. 

“I thought you liked that?”

“I loved it, but it’s not a move you can use on me when we’re supposed to be quiet.”

Part 45 – The Sphere

My passing thought about maybe possibly going down to the World Trade Center site quickly turned into a big fat obsession.  As soon as I’d woken up for the second time that day, going to the site was on my mind and I figured I needed to do it right away or I might chicken out.  AJ, Christian, and Kevin all came along with me too, of course, because there was no way I was going to do it alone.  Since AJ hadn’t known how Sean died we filled him in and he was glad to join us on our quest.

Instead of baking Snickerdoodles to take, we stopped at a bakery near Josef’s place and bought some instead.  It was one of those bakery’s that made everything fresh every day so it wasn’t like I was buying a box of cookies from the grocery store or anything like that.  Not to say that grocery store cookies wouldn’t have been okay… I just really wanted something fresh and a little more personal.

By the time the car service had dropped us off at Battery Park I was shaking from head to toe.  I hadn’t started crying yet but could tell it wasn’t going to be long.  We’d decided that starting out at the park would be a good idea because if we’d pulled up nearby the site I might have panicked and refused to get out of the car. 

Being at Battery Park was weird.  I’d met Sean there many times for lunch when he’d been working in the tower.  We’d sit under a tree eating lunch and watching all of the tourists with their foam Statue of Liberty crowns on their heads after taking the ferry back from the island.

There were still tourists in foam crowns, and people in suits having lunch in the park, but there was also something different there as well.  The statue called The Sphere that had for thirty years sat in between towers one and two had been moved to Battery Park after having survived the attacks with only holes and dents in its surface.  There was also an eternal flame that had been lit for the lives lost on 9/11 that had been burning since the one year anniversary of the attacks. 

A small group of tourists were at the base of The Sphere, some taking photos, others leaving flowers or just looking on in awe.  We quietly joined the crowd and I held both Kevin and Christian’s hands while AJ became the official keeper of the cookie box.

Once close enough to see the plaque near the statue I looked down and read the words to myself.

For three decades, this sculpture stood in the plaza of the World Trade Center. Entitled "The Sphere", it was conceived by artist Fritz Koenig as a symbol of world peace. It was damaged during the tragic events of September 11, 2001, but endures as an icon of hope and the indestructible spirit of this country. The Sphere was placed here on March 11, 2002 as a temporary memorial to all who lost their lives in the terrorist attacks at the World Trade Center.  This eternal flame was ignited on September 11, 2002 in honor of all those that were lost. Their spirit and sacrifice will never be forgotten.

AJ let out a sad chuckle after reading the plaque, “That’s kind of awesome that it was supposed to stand for world peace and it survived.”

Christian nodded, “Hell yeah… it was like she said a big fat ‘fuck you’ to the terrorists.  ‘You can beat me but I’m staying right here.’”

That made me smile even though I felt like I couldn’t possibly talk because of the gigantic lump in my throat.  I could remember seeing The Sphere when it was still in its original spot.  All shiny and bronze, surrounded by a fountain; it was 25 feet tall and amazing. To see it all beat up from being hit by tons of debris really brought home both how strong the statue had been, but also how it would’ve been impossible for most people to survive the collapse.  When they’d uncovered The Sphere at Ground Zero after the attacks they found inside of the statue there were papers from WTC offices, a Bible, and even a seat from one of the airplanes that had hit the towers.

I couldn’t help but think about the force it took to bend steel and puncture it with holes and I shuttered at the thought of human beings having to feel that force.  I shivered and closed my eyes.  I prayed that everyone who died that day hadn’t had to feel the pain.  That somehow they were spared at the last minute and just went to a better place without enduring any more horror.

Kevin let go of my hand and pulled me into a hug.  I buried my face against his neck and kept my eyes closed tight.  I forced myself to think of good memories of Sean instead of imagining what his death had been like.  

Christian must have been doing the same because when he began talking, it was about Sean.  “I remember when Sean first moved here for school.  He’d only ever been to the city once or twice and it was still this huge crazy place to him.  He was like a tourist on crack that first summer he was here before he started at NYU.  Every single day he’d wake me and Kel up with a plan of what he wanted to go see that day.”  I smiled and turned my head so it was still resting against Kevin’s chest but I could see Christian too.  “The first few days I got so annoyed when he’d hand over the day’s schedule of events because I’d already done all of the tourist stuff in town and didn’t want to do them again.”  He smiled and nodded at me, “But do you remember what happened?”

I nodded and whispered around the lump in my throat, “You had so much fun…”

“I learned more about this city that summer than I had all my life.  We had so much fun doing touristy things and then once we got through those we started doing all of these crazy things like having dinner at some restaurant that someone gave us a flyer to on the subway, or going on a scavenger hunt that took us throughout the city.”

“It was a great summer…”

“I still have a picture of the three of us here in this park with our Statue of Liberty crowns on…” he said and chuckled.

“Me too… Vinnie ate half of my crown when he was a puppy,” I giggled.  “I saved the other half though.”

 “I always wondered what happened to that crown, but never asked…” Kevin said with a chuckle.  The chewed up crown was attached to the frame that the picture of us was in and it sat in my office at home.

“I was so mad at him when he first did it…” I said and laughed.  “I yelled and cried and then he looked so pitiful that I hugged him and cried some more.”

“Poor dog…” Christian giggled.  “He had no idea what he was getting into when you became his mom.”

We all laughed and I rolled my eyes at him, “Whatever…”  We stood there for a while longer just looking at The Sphere and taking everything in.  Then when I felt like maybe I was ready to move toward the site I took a deep breath and looked up at Kevin, “Okay… let’s do this.”

He smiled down at me before kissing my forehead, “Let’s do it.”

Part 46 – The Crew

Seeing that the trade center site was an active construction area it wasn’t like we could walk right in and make ourselves at home.  There was a designated area for people to go where they could look over the construction site from a safe place and that’s where we went.  The question of how in the world we were going to get the cookies to anyone working at the site was suddenly a problem, but also one that we didn’t worry about much once we were faced with the site.

By 2008 the trade center site was at the point where everything was sort of an organized mess.  There were so many different projects going on that it was hard to tell what was what.  I’d heard that the steel beams were being put in place underground and concrete was being poured to make the foundation of the Freedom Tower, but just looking at the site I had no idea where that was. 

I was thankful for the construction sound.  Had it been quiet as we looked around I know I would have just lost it.  All of the movement and sound made things feel alive though and that’s exactly what I needed to see. 

AJ was the first to speak up, “It’s big…”

I chuckled and nodded, “I was thinking the same thing.  Like duh, of course it’s big, but that was exactly what I thought first.  I think it’s because I haven’t been here since before it all happened.  Anything I’ve seen has been on tv.  So the perspective is all weird.”

He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and smiled, “I knew I loved you…”

We hugged and looked at the site together with Kevin and Christian nearby.  I sighed and looked over to Christian, “I have no idea what I’m looking at, Chris… You’ve been here before, do you know what’s what?”

“Kind of…” he said as he and Kevin moved closer to us.  He pointed out where the Freedom Tower was going to be as well as where he thought the PATH station would be and the memorial. 

When he pointed out where the footprints of the former towers had been everything sort of hit me.  I was able to see the two large square shapes that were going to be turned into memorial pools and all of the perspective that I’d lost came rushing back to me along with my tears.

I didn’t Ugly Cry, thankfully, but my tears were steady and if I hadn’t had one or more of my boys hanging onto me I don’t know if I would have been able to stand there on my own.  My legs felt weak and I was shaking from head to toe.  I just kept looking at those huge squares and couldn’t help but remember what had been there before.

I finally shook my head as I wiped away tears with my hand, “I still can’t believe it.  I saw it happen and I still can’t believe it.  I don’t know if I ever will.  How the hell can those two huge buildings just be gone?  And all of the people…”

“It definitely doesn’t make any sense…” Kevin said quietly.  Somewhere along the line I’d been passed from AJ’s arms to Kevin’s and I didn’t remember it happening.  When I realized I was wrapped up in Kevin though I tried to relax a little bit, pressing as much of myself to him as I could.

“That’s one of the hardest things for me.  I can’t make any sense of it.  I know what happened, I know why it happened, but I still don’t get it.  I can’t understand that much hatred and how someone could just hurt so many innocent people.  I think about Sean and how amazing he was… he never hurt anyone in his life.  So why the hell attack him?  I don’t mean that anyone who died that day deserved to be attacked… I just… I don’t know how to say it…”

“I know what you mean, baby…”

“Good…” I said and sighed against his chest.  “Cause I don’t know what the hell I’m saying anymore.”  He kissed the top of my head and squeezed me tighter.  “Thank you, for doing this with me…”

“I’d do anything for you, you know that.”

I nodded, “Yeah, but sometimes I forget how awesome you are.”  I pulled back just enough to look up at him and smile, “As hard as that is to believe…”

We both laughed, “Yeah, because I am so awesome.”

AJ groaned, “Please don’t encourage his head to swell…”

I giggled and looked at AJ, “Sorry… I couldn’t help it this time.”  I reached out my hand to AJ and he took it and squeezed it.  “I’m glad you’re here too.  Thank you.”

He sort of half nodded and half shrugged then smiled, “I haven’t been here since 9/11 either.  I’m kind of glad I got to do it with you guys instead of having to do it alone.”

Christian threw an arm around AJ’s shoulders, “We like you… we’ve decided you can be in our club.”

AJ chuckled and did a little dance, “Yes!”

“You can expect your membership card in the mail in a few weeks…” I said with a giggle. 

“Do we get tee-shirts too?” AJ teased.

“You know what? We’ve never had tees!   I say we go down to that corner vender we saw down the street and get some I heart New York shirts.”

AJ and Christian spoke in unison, “Perfect!”

I laughed and looked at Kevin, “Oh man, they’re starting to talk in unison already.”

“You were the one who said he could join the club…” Kevin said in a total fatherly tone which made me giggle again.

“Shit, what about the cookies?” AJ asked and held up the box he’d been carrying for us.

I looked around wondering how we were going to get access to any construction workers.  Just when I was about to decide that we were going to end up taking a few dozen cookies home with us, I saw a group of workers who looked like they were going to leave the site.  “Ooh, come on…” I said and grabbed AJ’s hand. 

We rushed back through the maze that led us up to the observation area and made it down to the street level just as the group of about seven workers had opened up a gate to come out.  “Excuse us, could I bug you guys for just a second?” I asked.

All of the guys stopped and one of them said, “Sure, what’s up?”

“Hi…” I said and smiled.  “Um… I don’t really know how to say this without sounding like a dork.”

“We have cookies…” AJ said and held up the box.

I cracked up and most of the construction workers did too.  “What he means is that we brought these cookies down to share with you guys.  My little brother worked in one of the towers and I haven’t been back here since everything happened… He loved Snickerdoodles, and so when we decided to come down here today I thought I should bring cookies.  They’re freshly baked and I just really want someone who is working here at the site to have them…”

“We don’t ever turn down cookies…” one of the guys said and laughed a great laugh that made me grin.  “What’s your name, sweetheart?”

“Oh duh…” I said and shook my head.  “I guess I left that part out.  I’m Kellie, and this is AJ.”  I looked over my shoulder and noticed that Kevin and Christian had caught up with us as well.  “And that’s Kevin and Christian.”

“I’m Donnie and these yahoo’s are on my team’” he said pointing to the rest of his crew. 

“It’s really great to meet you…” I said and shook his hand then passed over the box of cookies. 

Donnie opened up the box and the freshly baked smell floated up out of the box making many of the guys groan with delight.  They each took a cookie and Donnie held the box with the rest, “What’s your brother’s name?”

I choked up suddenly but took a deep breath and smiled, “Sean.”

Donnie held up his cookie and looked at his crew, “To Sean…”

The guys all held their cookies up and repeated, “To Sean!”

I smiled and cried all at once.  It was the perfect cookie salute to Sean. “You guys rock…” I said as I wiped my tears. 

“Actually you do, for bringing these cookies!” said a guy whose shirt pocket said Tony on it.

“Wait a minute…” Donnie said and looked at us kind of funny.  “You were on tv the other day… You’re that writer who wrote Tuesday Morning.”

“Yeah, that’s me…” I said with a nod.

“Oh sweetie, that book…” he said and sighed while shaking his head.  “My wife read it and pretty much said I had to read it or she was going to make me sleep on the couch.  But man… it was amazing.”  He motioned to the rest of his guys, “We all read it; it went around the whole construction site.”

I started crying again, “Are you serious?  Wow.”

“I always wondered if you’d known someone who was here that day.  The way you wrote it made me think that you probably did…”

“I never really mentioned him because I didn’t want people to think I was trying to make a profit from his death.  I honestly didn’t write the book to be published, I just wrote it for me and my mom.”

“Well I’m glad you shared it…”

“We all are…” the guy with the Tony shirt added.

One of the other guys then said, “Yo, Tony… get out that fancy phone of yours and let’s get a picture.”

“Oh yeah, we have a camera too…” I said and turned to Christian who apparently had already been snapping pictures of me talking to Donnie and his men.

There was a bit of shuffling around until I was posed along the fence with the group of construction workers all holding Snickerdoodles.  I took down an email address from Donnie and promised to send him copies of the pictures.  I hugged all seven of the workers and got their names as well.  A few of them even asked me to sign their hard hats which I thought was pretty awesome.  Someone eventually realized who Kevin and AJ were too and many more pictures were taken with the crew so that their daughters at home who were Backstreet fans would think their dads were pretty cool. 

It turned out that the crew was on their way to lunch at a nearby restaurant and they invited us to join them.  We did and ended up treating them to lunch.  They were able to tell us great stories about working at the Trade Center site that made us laugh and cry.

By the time we were done, I felt like I’d made a whole new bunch of friends.  I also felt like I’d made a huge step in dealing with my grief.  It was a really great day.

Part 47 – Freaking Out

The last couple of days of Book Week went by without any added drama.  Thankfully, not one of my interviewers bothered asking me about the former Mrs. Richardson, and everything went smoothly.   Before we knew it, we were saying our goodbyes to AJ and were on a plane headed home.

I was so incredibly happy to be back in my own house, my own bed, and having my sweet Vinnie around again.  Not to mention having the sexy man who was soon going to be an official permanent fixture in my home around.  Technically Kevin had a few more weeks of condo-sitting to do for Roland.  But since Roland didn’t have plants or pets and Kevin slept at my house every night anyway, he pretty much ended his gig early and let Christian and Josef check Roland’s mail for him.

After all of the chaos of Book Week we did a whole lot of nothing once we were back home.  Well, a whole lot of sex, and a whole lot of nothing.  I had a book to work on and would occasionally break away from Kevin to bust out some words, but since I wasn’t yet on a deadline for it, I found myself putting it off more often than not.  Instead, we would take walks with Vinnie, sit and watch the ocean, or hang out in bed all day.  It was blissful.

“I scheduled the movers to deliver my stuff next weekend…” Kevin told me as he ran his fingers through my hair one afternoon as we hung out on my deck.  He’d surprised me after we’d returned from New York by buying me a copycat version of Josef’s rooftop bed.  It was the perfect addition to the deck off of the back of my house and we spent a whole lot of time laying around on it. 

I smiled with my eyes closed, “Very cool…”

“You sure you want me to live with you?  I can be a hopeless slob.”

“So can I,” I laughed and opened my eyes to look at him.  “And yes, I’m sure.  I can’t wait.  I’m not even freaking out about it, which is strange since I’ve only ever lived with Christian, Sean, and my Mom plus a few roommates in the dorms at school.”

He smiled, “Not freaking out is a really good sign.”

“I think so…” I said.  “Of course, maybe I’ll have a panic attack about trying to fit your clothes in the closet.”

He laughed, “I do have a lot of clothes… I’m just brining the essentials though.  I’m going to keep all of the extra suits, tuxes and stuff I don’t need every day in the storage I have at my mom’s.  When I had her house built I specifically made sure there was a very large storage area for me to use since I was always on the road and in between homes.”

“Speaking of room, I was thinking… the spare bedroom with the twin beds can be yours if you want.  We can move the beds out if and you can set it up as an office or whatever.  And the closet in that room can serve as overflow if need be.”

“I don’t need an office, we can keep it as a second spare bedroom.  I might take you up on the closet though.  But I do have a favorite chair I want to add to the living room.”

“Please tell me it’s not shaped like a baseball glove or something tacky…” I giggled.

“Nah… it’s a normal chair.  I actually think it’s going to go really well with your furniture.  It’s my Deep Thinking chair,” he said and smiled.  “It’s the only furniture I kept from the house in LA.  Everything else I sold.”

“Ooh a thinking chair to go with your Deep Thought look… I love it!” I laughed.  “So if I see you in the chair with the look on your face, that’s my clue to just stay away?”

Kevin laughed, “Not necessarily…”

“Is this chair big enough to hold both of us?” I asked and wiggled my eyebrows.

He laughed, “Only if you’re in my lap.”

“Mmm… sounds kinky.”

“You’re just letting me move in so you can have your way with me…”

“What can I say? I like this whole groupie thing… Sex on demand is awesome!”

“You’re nuts…” he laughed.

I giggled and turned over so I could straddle him.  “Know what else?” I asked as I traced my fingers over his chest slowly with a grin.

“What?” he replied as he slid his hands up my thighs and rested them on my hips.

“You’re about to live with my nuttiness 24/7.  You’ll never get away!”  I did my best evil laugh and then cracked up at myself.

“That’s okay…” he said and smiled. “I don’t want to get away.”

“Uh huh… you say that now.  But in a few weeks when you’ve been with me non stop and have witnessed random mood swings you’ll change your mind.”

He shook his head, “Not gunna happen.”

“What if I start talking about marriage all of a sudden and bring home a bunch of wedding magazines?” I asked with a smirk. 

He shrugged, “I’d deal with it…”

“By running away with your tail between your legs?”

He laughed and sat up, wrapping his arms around me, “I’m not going anywhere.  Got it?”

I smiled and ran my fingers through his hair, “Promise?”

I kissed him before he could answer and when we finally broke apart he spoke against my lips, “With all my heart.”

I closed my eyes and pressed my forehead against his, “I love you…  I’m really not trying to give you reasons to leave.  I guess I am freaking out a little bit and I’m covering it by being obnoxious as usual.”

He held my face in his hands so I’d look at him, “I know exactly what you’re doing.  It’s okay.  But I mean what I’ve said. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.  Right here is exactly where I want to be.   Know why?”  I shook my head as I stared into those gorgeous eyes of his.  “Because I love you just as much as you love me.  Maybe even a little more.”

“You’re not supposed to say things that make me cry…” I sighed and wrapped my arms around him in a hug. 

He hugged me tight against his chest, “Too bad… Sometimes I have to say the good stuff.”

I laughed and turned my head so I could place a kiss on his neck, “Okay.”

“I promise, it’s not going to be this huge change… I’m here all of the time anyway, right?” he asked while his hands rubbed up and down my back. 

“Yeah.”

“So I’ll still be here except instead of my clothes being in a bag on the floor, they’ll be in the closet and I won’t have to check the mail at Roland’s.”

“True.”

“And when you need a bug killed or something from the top shelf, all you’ll have to do is ask and I’ll be able to do it.”  I couldn’t help but laugh.  The night before there had been an unusually ugly bug in the house that even I couldn’t work up the nerve to kill on my own.  He’d killed it for me and then laughed while doing an imitation of my heebie geebie dance. 

I pulled back from the hug and rested my hands against his chest, “I think I’m better now.”

“Good.”

“No more freaking out.”

“Very good.”

“Until there’s a hurricane alert… then all deals are off.  I officially freak the fuck out when there’s a hurricane or tropical storm in the vicinity.”

He laughed, “Good to know…”

“The National Hurricane Center website is bookmarked on my desktop.  Once I figure out how to put it on our snazzy new iPhones, I’m doing that too.  You should have seen me last time running around trying to get the storm shields over the windows while I was panicking and the storm was still hours away.”

“I’ll do it for you the next time there’s a storm. Promise.”

I smiled and shook my head, “How are you always so damn calm?”

“Years and years of practice… I toured around the world with four very hyper guys.  I had to learn to let things flow because otherwise I’d lose it.”

“But you do in fact lose it sometimes?”

He nodded, “Yeah… But it’s rare.”

“Just as long as you do have the ability to freak out… that’s all I care about.”

The phone rang and I groaned because I’d left it sitting inside the house on the dining room table and it meant I was going to have to get up and out of my uber cozy spot with Kevin.  He chuckled at my groan and gave me a gentle push, “I got it yesterday, today’s your turn…”

“Yeah, yeah…” I said over my shoulder as I walked into the house.  I got to the phone just before the voice mail kicked in, “Hello?”

“Kellie, it’s Gena from The Adoption Foundation.”

“Oh hey, how are you?” I asked as I walked back out onto the deck.  I sat down next to Kevin on the bed.

“I’m doing pretty well… The reason I’m calling is because I have an interesting case that just came across my desk and I immediately thought of you.”

“Really? But I thought I was still number two on the list.”  Kevin’s interest perked up when he heard me mention the list.

“Well you are, but this is a little different.  Instead of us hooking you up with a birth mother and then waiting for the child to be born, we actually have a child who needs placement.”

I felt like my heart was suddenly in my throat but somehow I managed to speak, “As in, the child was already born?”

Kevin grabbed my hand and held it in his as I listened, “Yes… the child is a little over two months old.  What happened was that there…”

“Wait…” I said and interrupted Gena.  “I need to put you on speaker, my boyfriend needs to hear this with me.”

“Oh certainly…” Gena said and waited.

I pushed the speaker button on the phone, “Okay… We’re both here now.  Kevin, Gena… Gena, Kevin…”

Gena introduced herself to Kevin and then resumed her explanation, “As I was saying, this child is a little over two months old.  It’s quite a sad story actually, the day that the birth parents were taking the child home from the hospital, they were all in a car accident.  Both parents died but the baby was okay.”

“Oh man…” I said quietly and looked at Kevin.  Our hands were still locked together.

“The parents didn’t have any other family so there was no one to send the baby to.  The baby was finally determined to be a ward of the state and is now available for adoption.  Normally we don’t work with cases like this but because the child doesn’t have any known family we took it on because there’s no chance of anyone popping up to try and claim the baby.  Now, you are still second on the waiting list, but the couple who is at the top of the list decided that they want to stick with the birth mother that they’ve been hooked up with who is due to give birth in a few weeks.”

“So how does this work then?”

“Basically the first step would be for you to tell me if you’re interested.  If you are, then we’ll set up a time for you to meet the baby and see what you think.  You could potentially do a few different visits to see if you feel like it’s a good fit or not.  Because you’re licensed for foster care we could even do a temporary placement of the baby with you as a trial run.  Or, if you meet the baby and decide that you’re ready… we can get the ball rolling.”

“Wow…”

Gena chuckled, “It’s a lot to take in, I know… and I don’t by any means want to rush you.  We can go as fast or slow as you want.  You don’t even have to tell me if you’re interested today.”

I looked at Kevin through tears that suddenly were welling up in my eyes.  He smiled and gave me a nod, “Oh we’re definitely interested… Just shocked, but very interested.” 

“So you do want to meet the baby?”

“Oh gosh yes…” I said and laughed as my tears spilled down my cheeks.  “Totally. When can we do it?”

“Well, I can call the foster care parent right now and see when she’s available.  Is there a time that works best for you this week?”

“Anytime… I don’t have anything going on right now.”

“Awesome, I’ll give her a call and see what I can set up.  Then I’ll call you back, okay?”

“That’s perfect.  We’ll be here.”

“Great!  I’ll call you back as soon as I can.”

We said our goodbyes and I pushed the end button on the phone.  We sat there in stunned silence still holding hands.  My mind was spinning and I felt like I wanted to laugh, cry and maybe even scream all at once.  I had no idea what to do with all of the emotions running through my body.  Finally, I looked at Kevin and he looked at me.  I smiled, “So… I think this warrants freaking out, right?”

He laughed and nodded, “Yes, yes it does.”

Part 48 – Maxwell

I paced back and forth in the living room trying not to totally destroy my manicure by chewing nervously on my nails.  Vinnie was sitting on his doggie bed watching me go back and forth.  I smiled and stopped pacing long enough to squat and rub his head, “It’s okay.  Mama’s just nervous.  We’re going to meet a baby today…”  He started wagging his tail and I nodded with a smile, “Yeah, I’m excited too.”

Just then Kevin came into the house through the garage, “I’m so sorry I’m late…  Traffic was nuts.  There must be something going on at the Speedway, there’s a ton of tourists in town.  More than usual, that is.”  He walked up to me and pulled me into a hug and kissed my head.  “Sorry, sorry, sorry…”

“It’s okay… I was pacing, Vinnie was watching.”

“Well stop pacing and just sit with me…” he said and pulled me to the couch.  “It’s going to be fine…”

I nodded, “Yeah. I really need to stop thinking about it.  Thinking is making it much worse.”

He laughed, “I might be able to help with that.”  He smiled a smile that was part adorable and part sexy as hell then leaned in to kiss me.  His kiss was one that definitely cleared my mind of everything but him.  In fact, if we hadn’t been expecting company the kiss totally would have led to some mid-morning nookie.

The doorbell interrupted our kiss and I was suddenly really glad that my living room wasn’t visible through the windows along the door.  We broke apart giggling like crazy kids who had been caught making out.  I grinned at him as I straightened my clothes, “Nice job, Heartthrob.”

“Anytime…”

I rushed to the door with Vinnie on my heels.  He had a toy in his mouth because in his mind anyone who comes to the door is of course coming to play with him.  I chuckled and rubbed his head as I opened the door.  Gena stood there waiting with a foster care parent I’d learned was named Tami and Tami was holding a car seat with a light blanket covering it.  “Come on in!” I said and welcomed them into the home. 

Gena did her introductions and made sure not to leave out Vinnie.  His tail smacked the wall as he wagged it excitedly.  There weren’t many people that Vinnie didn’t like, but he really enjoyed Gena for some reason.  Probably because she always brought him Milkbones when she came to visit.

Tami put the car seat on the coffee table and when she removed the blanket I think my heart stopped.  Sitting inside the seat was one of the sweetest most gorgeous little people I’d ever seen.

“Oh wow…” I said as I watched Tami unhook the baby so she could pick it up.

“Here he is…” she said as she turned to me and Kevin holding the baby.  “His name is Maxwell.”

She handed him over to me and I immediately sat down with him because I wasn’t sure my legs were going to hold me up for much longer.  “Hi there, Maxwell…” I said to him quietly.  He looked up at me with beautiful brown eyes.  “I heard you’re looking for a Mama and Daddy...” He smiled and made a little gurgled coo sound which pretty much made my heart melt. 

I’ve heard about that love at first sight thing that happens to parents when they see their baby for the first time. I even experienced my own version of it when Miles was born and I was there to meet him when he was just minutes old.  But when I held Max that first day in my house it was like nothing in the world was more important to me than that kid.  I’d known him less than five minutes and yet, I knew right away that he wasn’t going to be without a mom for much longer.

I took a very short moment to look away from Max so I could look at Kevin who was right next to me on the couch.  The look on his face said it all, I could tell he felt the exact same way I did.  He had this big goofy grin on his face and I couldn’t help but get choked up over it all.

“He’s pretty cute, huh?” Tami asked.

I chuckled and my tears fell, “Just a little…” 

“And he’s such a good baby.  He’s almost always happy like that.  Loves to snuggle and he’s just a little love bug.  He’s been a total joy to have around.”

“A snuggler huh?” I asked Maxwell.  “Oh you’ll fit in here just fine… We love to get our snuggle on around here.”  Maxwell cooed a little more and wiggled a bit before looking at Kevin and smiling.  I sighed and shook my head as new tears welled up in my eyes.  I looked at Tami, “How do you do it?  Take in kids and love them but then give them away?”

“It’s hard,” she said and nodded.  “But I give these kids the best home I can while I have them and fill them up with tons of love.  Then when they go to a new home I just hope and pray that they get the best life they can.”

“You’re amazing… I can’t imagine how hard it must be.  One look at this little monster and I’m ready to keep him for life.”

Tami chuckled, “That’s usually a good sign that he’s going to be just fine.”

Gena nodded, “I’ve been doing this for a long time and I can usually tell if a baby isn’t going to be a fit with a family.  There’s just something about that first meeting that feels off when it’s not a good fit.”  Before I could even open my mouth to ask, she smiled at me and said, “No, I’m not getting that feeling today.  Not at all.”

I laughed, “You definitely know me too well, Gena.”  I looked at Kevin who had laughed as well, “You want to hold him?”

“Heck yeah…” I handed the baby over to him and he held him like a pro. 

I took the moment to get up and grab tissues since I was still weeping like a moron every time I looked at Maxwell.  Once I sat back down, tried to focus on Tami and Gena instead of gushing over the baby even more.  “So you’re for sure there’s no family that’s going to pop up?”

Gena nodded, “Of course we can’t be 100% sure, but we did a lot of digging and couldn’t find anything.  The birth parents were both originally from overseas.  They’d only been here for about two years and according to neighbors, they kept to themselves a lot.  We located some coworkers of the father who said that he’d mentioned that he and his wife had come to America because they didn’t have any family left back home and wanted to start over here.  We contacted their hometown back in Europe and couldn’t find anything.  Even on the hospital intake paperwork they hadn’t listed anyone under emergency contacts except each other.  There are simply no other leads to follow.”

“That’s gotta be one of my biggest fears… taking in a baby and just getting used to being a mom and then someone showing up and saying they want him back.”

“I understand…” Gena said and nodded again.  “Which is generally why we work with private adoption in our agency...  But this little guy is a special case and he’s honestly the closest thing you can get to a private adoption without it actually being private.”

We spent a few hours talking with Tami and Gena about Maxwell and the adoption process before it was time for them to leave.  The plan was that I would think about it a little longer and then I would meet with Gena again to give her my decision.  Kevin would, of course, be part of the decision as well, but because technically I’d be adopting Maxwell alone and Kevin would just be along for the ride, so the decision mainly rested on my shoulders.

My heart hurt so much when I watched Tami and Gena leave carrying Maxwell that I was pretty sure right then and there that there was no way I was letting him go.  But, I wanted to make sure it was really what I wanted before I made my final decision.  I didn’t want to make an impulse decision based on the fact that I was holding an insanely adorable baby in my arms.

That’s of course what the logical adult in me thought.  The part of me who’d fallen instantly in love with Maxwell cried every time I thought about him.  By the time Kevin and I were in bed that night I was a total mess.

“He’s just so sweet and he needs a family so bad… how could it not be the right decision?” I sobbed while Kevin handed me more Kleenex.  “It has to be the right thing.  We were both so comfortable with him.  And he really seemed to like us…”

“True…”

I sighed, “Am I absolutely crazy?”

He laughed, “Yeah but that’s not the point.  The point is that this beautiful little kid needs a family.  We have the chance to give him that if that’s what you want.”

“But what do you want?”

He grabbed my hand and raised it up so he could kiss it, “I want what makes you happy, baby.  If you think this is the right move, then we do it and make the absolute best of it.  If you aren’t sure and want to wait for a different baby, we can do that too.”

I looked down at our hands laced together, “What if I can’t do it?”

“Can’t do what?”

“Be a good mom…” I said quietly and dissolved into tears again.  “What if I bring this baby into my life and I’m not what he needs because I’m just not good enough?”

Kevin sighed and let go of my hand so that he could pull me into a hug, “So that’s what all of this is really about, right?  You’re not worried about really wanting him, you’re worried that you’ll be a bad mom.”

I nodded against his chest, “Yeah.”

“Honey, I bet that if you ask anyone who is a parent they’d tell you they felt the same way about becoming a parent.  I’ve wondered the same thing about myself.  But we’ll figure it out.  We might not be perfect, but no one is.  All you can do is love him and hope that we give him the best life we can.”

“I do love him…” I said quietly.  “I loved him as soon as I saw him.  I don’t know how that’s possible but I swear I did.  It was like I looked into those brown eyes and I just knew I needed to be his Mama.  But then I immediately thought, ‘What if there’s a better person out there for him?’”

“What about when you got Vinnie?” he asked.  “Did you wonder if you were the right mom for him too?”

I thought about it for a minute and then nodded, “Yeah…”

“But he’s the most loved dog I’ve ever known.  You give him a great life and you’ll do the same for a baby.  You’ll learn as you go.  Weren’t you just telling me that your writing improves with each book you write?  Your parenting will improve too.”

I nodded and just hung on to Kevin listening to him breathe.  It always shocked me at how just being wrapped in his arms seemed to center me so well.  I didn’t know what I’d do without him,  Actually I did know, I’d be crying to Christian or my mom… but I really loved having Kevin there to help me work through things.  After a while I sat back up and looked at him giving him a smile, “You’re amazing, you know?  Thank you for sitting through my breakdown with me…”  We both chuckled and I wiped my cheeks with the heels of my hands.  “I love you more than I can say.”

“I love you back…”

I bit my lip and took a deep breath, “So you wanna be a parent with me?”

He smiled from ear to ear and leaned in to kiss me, “More than anything.”

Part 49 - Awesome

Everything seemed to go in fast forward once I called Gena and told her that I wanted to adopt Maxwell.  The spare bedroom that was originally going to be Kevin’s Man Cave turned into a nursery, Kevin’s things were delivered by the movers, and I didn’t freak out one bit.  It was like his things showed up and fit in perfectly.  His Thinking Chair that I dubbed “Steve” after Blue’s Clues truly did fit into my living room theme like it had always been there and his clothes fit into his side of my closet without any trouble. 

Once Maxwell was moved in and we’d had a few weeks to get used to having a baby around I often found myself trying to remember what life had been like without him.  One day he wasn’t there, and the next he was just part of our daily routine.  What Tami had said about him being a good happy baby was true.  He was honestly one of the most awesome babies I’d ever met, and not just because he was mine. 

Then there was Kevin.  I’d thought he was sexy and amazing before but once he stepped into the role of Daddy, it was total overload.  He changed poopy diapers like a pro and often times would get up in the middle of the night to check on Maxwell even if he wasn’t fussing.  The way they’d sit together just watching the water made my heart swell on a regular basis.

A lot of times when I’d get up to watch the sunrise in the morning Maxwell would be awake and I’d take him outside with me.  We’d snuggle and watch the sun come up and I’d fall further into love with him.  I’d tell him what I knew about his birth parents and referred to them as his Angel Mommy & Daddy then I’d tell him all about his Uncle Sean and all of the family that he had here on earth that loved him so much.

My fears about being a good enough mom stuck around but weren’t nearly as strong as they’d been when I was trying to decide if I should adopt or not.  I had my moments where I’d fuck something up and get frustrated but then Maxwell would look up at me and smile and everything would be fine again.  It was kind of amazing what his smile could cure for me.

As for my mom, she was in her glory being a Grandma.  She came up to visit us as often as possible and would usually stay a few days at a time.  She was so in love with Maxwell, but so were the rest of us.  Even Vinnie easily transitioned into his role of big brother without any trouble.  Basically, everything was great and for a welcome change I wasn’t waiting for it to get bad, I was just enjoying it.

Christian said to me one day, “Being a mom and in love looks good on you…”

“It feels good too,” I told him with a smile.  “It’s crazy, isn’t it?  How for a while there I was so ready to just be alone forever and then in one summer I meet Kevin and adopt a baby.”

“It’s crazy but I think it’s perfect.  If you’d done it the traditional way it would have driven you nuts.  You’re the kind of person who needs to do things quickly.”

“Well, I definitely did that…” I chuckled.  “It’s true though, I kind of like the fact that we’re sort of learning as we go.  A few months ago I wouldn’t have been able to tell you what it was like to have to balance writing a book while raising a baby.  Now, it’s my reality and I just do it because it’s what I have to do.  And I love it.”

“Just tell me you and Kevin are still having mind-blowing sex… It would break my heart to hear you’d fallen into the dry spell.”

I laughed, “No dry spell in sight, trust me.  We’ve become pros at quickies during Max’s naps and quiet rendezvous so not to wake him up at night.  We do appreciate when Mama offers to sit for a weekend though and we can have uninterrupted adult time.”

“I have to say… Kevin as a dad is one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen…” Christian said and fanned himself.

I laughed, “Right?  He’s such a natural at it too.  I still think about that stupid ex whore of his and wonder how she couldn’t want this with him.  I mean, I get that some people just don’t want to be parents.  But to know how much Kev wanted it and then to just flat out lie to him about it… I just don’t get it.”

“Well that’s because you have a heart and she clearly doesn’t.  She may have loved Kevin but she didn’t really, really love him if she could hurt him so easily.”

I nodded, “Yeah… I can’t imagine ever wanting to do anything that I know would hurt him so bad.  I’d rather tell him the truth than lie and get his hopes up over and over again.”

“He’s a lucky guy…”

“I’m a lucky girl.”

“Who would’ve thought all those years ago when we met in Psychology class that we’d end up like this, huh?”

“Not me…” I laughed.  “I figured I’d be teaching English somewhere by now and grading papers.  Not writing novels and living with a pop star while raising one of the most adorable babies ever.”

“And I’m a housewife living with a famous chef who is nearly twice my age…” he said and giggled.

“You’re an awesome uncle too, of course.”

“Of course!  I wish Sean could be here, but I’m glad I’m able to stand in.”

I rubbed my locket between by thumb and finger and smiled, “Yeah, me too.  I think he’s around though.  Sometimes I’ll watch Max and he’ll be laying there on the floor just babbling and giggling like he’s having a great conversation with someone but no one is there.  I have to think that it’s him.  Either that or my kid is just weird.” 

“Well… his mom is kind of special…” he teased. 

I shook my head, “Poor kid is doomed…”

“Nah… he’s going to end up just fine.  I think we all are.  We’re all just learning as we go along, doing the best we can with what we’ve got.”

I smiled, “We’ve got a whole lot of awesome…”

“Yes we do,” he said with a smile. 

Part 50 - Happy

Over the next half a year or so I’d finished another book and it was on its way to being published meanwhile the movie version of Lake Pleasanton was finally beginning pre-production.  Kevin was busy being an awesome dad and was writing music as well.  He’d had offers to do another musical on Broadway but he didn’t accept it because he just didn’t want to take time away from being a dad.  I told him that we would have just relocated temporarily to New York to be with him if he really wanted to do it, but he said he was happy right where he was.

I was the happiest I’d ever been.  Being a mom was everything I’d hoped it to be.  Sure, there were times when it was damn hard and I would break down and cry because I felt like a failure.  But there were so many other times when it was just plain fun.  I loved watching Maxwell learn about the world around him.  Everything was so new and interesting to him that it made old things seem new to me too.  It reminded me a lot of when Sean had first moved to New York and made me and Christian go do tourist things with him.  Maxwell was the ultimate tourist. He’d begun walking around his 11th month and was a holy terror who kept us laughing and on our toes.  We often made it to bed at night simply exhausted but it was great.

On his first birthday we had a big family sleepover.  AJ flew in from California, Jules and Miles came down from New York, Kevin’s mom and his brother’s came from Kentucky, and of course my mom drove up from her house.  Christian and Josef cooked up an awesome yet kid friendly meal, my mom made an amazing cake, and Maxwell covered himself from head to toe in all of it.

By the time the sun was going down and we’d started a campfire Maxwell had been washed up and put into clean jammies.  He was on my lap snuggled up to me with his sweet little head pressed against my chest.  It turned out that the boy had curly hair just like mine and it was a crazy mess but seriously adorable. 

Neither he nor Miles stayed awake long enough to have S’mores with us.  They both conked out as soon as the heat of the fire hit them.  I got up to take Maxwell inside to bed and Kevin carried Miles in.  We put them down together and I couldn’t help but smile at the two sleeping boys.  They were so much fun together and such a hoot to watch when they played. Miles being the older of the two was the natural leader while Maxwell followed along trying to do anything and everything that Miles did.

Kevin wrapped his arm around me, “Can you imagine having two?”

I smiled and nodded, “Kind of, yeah… They wouldn’t be this close in age though, so it would be a little different.”

“True…”

He kissed me and smiled as he looked down at me, “Have I mentioned lately that I love you more than anything in the world?”

“Yeah I think so…” I said with a smile.

“And that you and Max make me happier than I ever thought I could be?”

“Yep…”

“Have I mentioned that I think it’s time I marry you?”

I looked at him shocked, “Um… no?”

I watched as he reached into the pocket of his shorts and he pulled out a small box.  He smiled as he opened it up and showed me the ring inside, “Marry me?”

Of course I began crying.  Along with laughing and grinning from ear to ear too, “Of course!”  I threw my arms around him and kissed all over his face while telling him how much I loved him.

By the time he’d slid the ring on my finger we were both in tears and laughing at each other, “I’ve been carrying this ring around for a few weeks.  I couldn’t figure out how I wanted to do it… Then today when I watched Max shoving cake into his mouth and playing with Miles on the beach with all of our family here, it just felt like today was the right day.”

“It’s the perfect day…” I said and kissed him. 

“So when should we get married?”

“Well the movie starts filming in May and I’m supposed to be there on set for a while, so not then.  And August is definitely out.”

“August?  What’s going on then?”

I smiled looking up at him with new tears in my eyes, “Well… August is when Max becomes a big brother.”

The look on Kevin’s face as he processed what I said was one of the funniest things I’ve ever seen.  He went from confused to shocked to excited all in a split second, “You’re pregnant?”

I nodded, “Yeah, I found out earlier this week and pretty much did what you did about proposing… I didn’t know when and how to tell you.  Then today with everyone here I figured I’d tell you tonight but you sort of stole my thunder by proposing.”

“Are you kidding me?  A baby totally trumps a proposal!”  I giggled as he dropped to his knees and started kissing my belly through my tee shirt.  “Holy cow, we’re having a baby…”

“Another baby…” I said.

“Yeah, another one…” he said as he stood back up.  He looked at Maxwell and Miles sleeping then kissed me again.

“And we’re getting married…”

He laughed and shook his head, “I guess we don’t ever just do anything the easy way, right?”

I laughed, “Well let’s see… the day we met last year I got a concussion and you spent the night with me, then we fell in love and your ex tried to say that I was a home wrecker, we had sex on a rooftop, went to a ball, came home and adopted a baby and now we’re getting married and having another baby and we haven’t even been together a year yet.”

“We’re crazy.”

“Yep!” I said and laughed.

His hands were at my hips, his thumbs rubbing back and forth along my stomach, “I love you…”

“I love you too.  So, so, much.”

He kissed me again and then pressed his forehead against mine, “So should we wait to tell everyone or do it now and watch them freak out?”

 “Oh we definitely need to tell them now…” I said and smiled.  I took one more look at Miles and Maxwell snoozing then thought of the baby that was growing inside of me.  Everything felt so incredibly perfect.  Sure, it was totally still a work in progress and to this day we continue to work on it, but my life with Kevin and our kids, Vinnie included, is the most wonderful project I’ve ever had.

The End.