Divine Intervention by Rose
Summary:


So you think Lauren’s the only reason Nick finally got his act together? She’s part of it sure, but not everything. Let me tell you the real story of how it went down. Who am I?

Let’s just say…I’m a friend of his.

THIS STORY HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED. Please check out the reworked plot in "Show Me A Reason". I apologize to anyone who were following this fic and hope you might enjoy what I feel is the better and more cohesive story.
Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: Group, Nick
Genres: Dramedy, Supernatural
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 8 Completed: Yes Word count: 14463 Read: 13222 Published: 07/26/11 Updated: 09/30/13

1. Prologue by Rose

2. Chapter One by Rose

3. Chapter Two by Rose

4. Chapter Three by Rose

5. Chapter Four by Rose

6. Chapter Five by Rose

7. Chapter Six by Rose

8. Chapter Seven by Rose

Prologue by Rose
Author's Notes:
So of course instead of being able to focus on my other story, "Walked Out Of My Dreams" this idea kept bugging me instead. I should have Chapter One up pretty soon...but for now, here's the prologue. Enjoy!

Prologue


I stood there watching him. That man was crying out for help and what really got to me was that no one heard. They just fed into his pleas. Everything he did was to try and get the help he needed. It’s that whole feeling of screaming in a crowd and everyone just ignoring it, like you don’t exist. People are so blind. Frustrating beyond belief. I sighed as I made my way through the club. Lights were strobing everywhere to the beat of the thumping music. I glanced around taking in everything around me. This wasn’t exactly my type of scene.

Understatement – it wasn’t even close.

My gaze settled on Nickolas Gene Carter, the youngest member of the Backstreet Boys. He looked so carefree, dancing and surrounded by girls. One was running her hand through his tousled blonde hair; another was running her hands along the sides of his body. And the third was taking a body shot from along his neck. It was sexual chaos and he seemed to be enjoying all of it. Looks can be so deceiving.

I knew then that this wasn’t going to be easy.

Still, I had a job to do.
Chapter One by Rose
Chapter One


“Kevin, no, I’m not going home, I’m alright. I’m having fun!”

“Nick, you sound drunk beyond belief, let me head down and pick you up.”

“Why the hell should I listen to you?! You’re not even in the group anymore! Fuck you!”

“Nick-”

He turned off his blackberry, muttering curses as he tucked it away in his pocket. Nick leaned against the bar for a moment, trying to block out what just happened. He didn’t care if Kevin was concerned. All he wanted to do was have fun. He didn’t have a problem. There wasn’t a reason for concern! It wasn’t like he was AJ or anything. Once AJ had gone to rehab, Nick had come under fire from all sides by his band mates, Kevin, Howie, and Brian. All of them thought he was traveling down the same addiction path as AJ.

Fuck them; I just gotta prove them wrong is all.

“What the hell does a guy gotta do to get a drink around here?” He demanded of the poor bartender, who was getting swamped with drink requests. “I shouldn't have to wait, I’m Nick fucking Carter.”

“Oh, you’re the guy who beat the shit out of Paris Hilton.” A voice in the crowd said, he could hear the sneer within the tone. Inwardly, he fumed. That’s how people saw him these days.

“Who said that?! I’ll kick your ass!”

He listened, but there was no answer, and soon enough, a drink was placed in front of him. He downed the shot immediately. It was one of many that night and there were no plans to stop any time soon. Nick felt bitter, it used to be, his name used to get him anywhere. Now, it did nothing but get crude gay jokes, or worse, jokes of abuse. He was reminded daily how far he’d fallen in the eyes of the world, and hated every minute of it.

“Fuck this.” He muttered, walking away from the bar. He smirked at a few girls he saw dancing alone. Recognition lit up in their eyes and they headed his way. Despite everything, he had no troubles being able to attract the women.

Soon, Nick lived it up in the mob of girls dancing around him at the nightclub that evening. He couldn’t even remember which club it was anymore. The night had been a completely blur. He knew he went out for a good time, some drinks with some friends. Friends who he had long since lost track of. Were his friends still there even? Well, he wasn’t sure he could call them “friends” exactly. But he knew they could all hang out whenever he called. And that was what mattered right?

Who cared if Nick had to go into the studio the next morning to finish working on their next album? They were planning on calling it Unbreakable. It felt like such a joke. They already lost a member, so they were already broken!

It wasn’t like it mattered; it wasn’t the same without Kevin. He hated him so much for quitting the group. It wasn’t fair, having him abandon them, abandon Nick like that. He still needed him around. Kevin tried to give him a book, he couldn’t remember the title. All he did was toss it under his bed, who cared what Kevin wanted anymore?

Did it matter?

What did anymore? It wasn’t like his image could get any worse in the press. He knew all about how his looks were being torn apart because of the reality show, House of Carters. What a mistake that had been. His publicist had had a field day trying to drum up anything positive. But between what aired on the show, everything Aaron was saying, his mother, and then just his appearance – not much could be done.

Not that Nick cared.

He didn’t, even if he lurked message boards only to see threads started specifically about how disgusting he was. He didn’t, even if he got several calls from Kevin, checking to see how he was doing. As for Brian, Brian had chosen Leighanne over him years ago. He didn’t care if he was worried. He had his precious Christian solo career to protect; it was why he asked to be blurred out of the reality show wasn’t it?

He couldn’t even remember the last time he’d remembered talking to his former best friend, about anything besides business. Howie would call and check in on him. Or sometimes he’d actually stop by his place. The same could be said for AJ. But Brian, the calls had become few and far between. The visits had stopped completely after the time he’d come during one of Nick’s parties, and saw things Nick hadn’t wanted him seeing. Not that it mattered; Brian had chosen to distance himself by that point anyway. He still had Howie and AJ. They just weren’t Brian. He couldn’t talk to them like he used to be able to with Brian.

It wasn’t the same, no matter how hard he tried.

Not that Nick cared. He didn't care, he couldn't care.

“Oh Nick…” One of the girls cooed, rubbing her hands along his chest as she continued to grind up against his body to the rhythmic beats resounding throughout the club. Her hair was long, thick, and dyed blonde. His typical type. He knew from experience that the leggy bottle blondes were the easiest lays he could ever ask for.

And they always had friends.

And friends meant even more fun times for Nickolas Gene Carter.

He ran his hand along her back, settling on her butt and grabbing it playfully as he pulled her closer. The free hand reached over and grabbed another shot from her friend. He downed it happily. How many drinks was that now? He had no idea. He was using her. They both knew it. He went through this pattern every month. Nick would find a girl for about a month, wine her, dine her, and sex her. He’d keep it quiet from the media, no one would no. And then the next month, he’d be bored and move on. He didn’t want to actually find someone to have a relationship with. That came with a lot of risks. A lot of potential pain that he didn’t want to deal with.

The only thing that killed him was the loneliness sometimes.

Their bodies moved together hungrily to the music. He was tempted to have her right then and there. Who cared if people watched? Their lips met eagerly, his tongue explored her mouth. He was caught up in the pleasure of the moment, the silkiness of her skin, tasting the rum on her lips. Everything else? He just couldn’t care less. That’s what he wanted, for reality to fade, even for a short while.

“I got a little place nearby…” her brunette whispered in his ear, before doing a body shot of tequila from along his neck. He shivered in response. He turned and kissed her just as passionately as he had her friend only a moment before. There were advantages to being famous, even if he was only a D-list celebrity.

Maybe this is a bad idea. He blinked at the voice, one that definitely wasn’t his own. Just because it was distinctly feminine. Nick glanced around, had anyone else heard that? When he couldn’t find the source, he shrugged. It didn’t matter.

“Sounds good to me baby.”’

Right then, everything sounded good.

****

A young woman was sitting on a couch in Nick’s hotel room. He couldn’t see her, if he could, she was sure he would’ve reacted by now. She looked to be the age of seventeen, long golden hair, bright blue eyes, and a very familiar mischievous smile. A light surrounded her in an eerie aura that wasn’t anything else a living person has ever seen. When she was alive, many lifetimes ago, she had been known as Grace Carter.

Now, technically, she could be anyone. But she chose to stick with her old form, wanting that familiarity when she did finally make herself visible to others. For now, she needed to remain unseen. Her eyes drifted over to the other side of the room, watching Nick. Grace hadn’t wanted him to end up here, even though she’d seen far enough ahead to know it would happen. She’d tried to be subtle about it, to catch his attention in ways that weren’t too interfering. That was how He wanted her to go about it at first. Subtlety, to go unnoticed as she affects the reality around her. But she’d also been warned that her new charge wasn’t one to listen.

She guessed the two of them had that in common. They were related after all.

No matter how distantly.

She rolled her eyes, seeing Nick go for another round, fresh from snorting a line of coke with that night’s flavor of the month. Actually, that night there were two flavors. Eager groupies who wasted their lives even more so than Nick did. It pained her to watch and she wanted to stop her, but this wasn’t the night. This night was to observe, to try to slyly influence. She knew what the problem was, Nick didn’t listen. And now with everything in his system, he couldn’t hear her voice at all. She glanced up at the ceiling, talking to it like someone was actually there. If anyone could actually see her, or hear her, they’d think she was crazy, she knew it.

“This isn’t going to work.”

You’ll find a way to make it work.

“Even if I break the rules.”

Silence.

She sighed. “I know, I’m supposed to find the answers myself.”

Her eyes fell on Nick and the women with him. The three were caught up on their coke induced sex high. She shook her head. She could see his soul, the way it screamed for a form of salvation. It always amazed her that no one else could see the pain thriving inside. Did Nick even know what it was to be happy? She wasn’t quite sure. What she was sure of, is that he would be worth the challenge ahead. He had so much potential, and if he wasn’t careful, he was going to lose everything. He could achieve so much, if only he got his life together.

It’s your job to get him to get it together.

“Yeah, yeah, I know.”
Chapter Two by Rose
Chapter Two


BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

His hand slammed the alarm as hard as it could. It shattered as it fell onto the floor. Nick groaned, shifting a bit on his bed in an attempt to get comfortable again and forget that the evil alarm ever existed. For the ten seconds his eyes had been open before he killed the clock, he’d caught sight of the time. Eight o’ clock in the morning. Early, way too early for him to even bother. It felt like he had just fallen into bed.

You did genius; you didn’t get back home till after four. It’s because of me that you even got in then!

He jerked at the sudden appearance from an unfamiliar voice in his head. In the end though, he dismissed it, still caught in between that state of dreaming and being awake. Because he knew he couldn’t be hearing voices. That would mean he’s completely lost his mind. It was just a remnant of his sleep deprived mind. He wanted rest, craved it, so right then, nothing else mattered. He sighed, happily, drifting off back into slumber. A smile flitted across his face. To an outside observer, his face looked peaceful in sleep in ways it never looked when he was awake and aware.

At least till his phone started going off loudly, rousing him yet again. His hand slapped around the nightstand beside his bed till finally it settled on the Blackberry he was so addicted to. Fumbling with it, he finally answered.

“What the fuck…I’m trying to sleep.”

“Nick, where are you?”

“At the fucking north pole, leave me alone Brian I’m sleeping.” He hung up and put it back down, burying his face within a pillow. Light filtered in through the windows despite the curtains, and all he wanted was the ability to block everything out.

Until the phone rang yet again. Nick growled as he reached for it. Was it just him, or did it seem to be getting louder? He rubbed his eyes, answering. “WHAT?!”

“Where are you?”

“Jesus Howie, I’m at home trying to get some fucking sleep!” He shouted into the phone, now wide awake and feeling far worse than he expected.

“You can’t sleep.”

Why can’t I sleep?!”

“Because you were supposed to be at the studio an hour ago, we were worried something happened. Now will you get your ass up and get down here?” Howie demanded, sounding angrier with each word said. Nick sighed as he sat up slowly. It didn’t look like he was getting sleep anytime soon.

“Fine.”

“See you there Nicky.” Click, and then the dial tone. He rolled his eyes; Howie would never stop calling him Nicky, despite how much he hated it. Or maybe it was to spite him, knowing it drove him crazy.

It didn’t take much for him to get ready. He didn’t bother showering because honestly he couldn’t have cared less. A pair of track pants, a random t-shirt, and a baseball hat, and he was good to go. He knew he looked like shit, but what did it matter? It was just Howie, AJ and Brian. It wasn’t like there was anyone important at the studio. No record executives, just whatever producers they agreed to work with that day and each other. They’ve seen him looking worse. It wasn’t long before he was behind the wheel of his black Cadillac, driving down the roads towards the studio.

Nick glanced at the time. 8: 45 – he was going to be well past two hours late by the time he got there. He still had a bit of a drive, and Los Angeles traffic was anything but friendly. His head still throbbed, despite the pain Advil he’d downed with can of Red bull on his way out the door. He turned on the radio, but kept the volume down. He hated silence but knew he couldn’t take anything loud right then.

He made a turn, continuing the drive and listening partially to the radio. His mind drifted, as he craved what he knew he couldn’t have at that moment. Not until later. He fiddled with the station as traffic came to a standstill on the highway.

“So Aaron, you and your siblings just finished doing a reality show – House of Carters. How was that?”

“I’m just glad it’s over.”

“It seemed like you and your brother have some issues.”

“Nick, he’s always been like that. I do my thing and he tries to control me. It’s like; he can’t control his weight or his life. He gets mad cause he’s a fat ass and can’t change it. So he’s trying to do it to control me or something. We never get along.”


Nick’s head snapped to attention. Aaron was known for spreading lies, stories, anything for attention. He always blamed himself partially for that. It couldn’t be easy growing up as the younger brother of “Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys”. How many times had Nick himself rebelled from that title? Aaron loved music the same way Nick did, it used to connect them, created a bond only the two of them understood within the spotlight. When the spotlight on Aaron faded, their relationship deteriorated as well.

He hated that more than anything.

“So give us the inside scoop, you think all those rumors about Paris Hilton are true?”

“I don’t know, but he’s hit me before, he can get pretty violent, so yeah, maybe they are.”


His eyes widened and immediately he dialed the number of his youngest brother. Nick felt incredibly betrayed. He turned off the radio as he listened to the phone ring. He was still stuck in traffic but couldn’t care less. How could Aaron do this to him? Despite their issues, Nick knew he had never done anything to deserve that. He did everything he could to try and help him. How many strings had he pulled? How many chances had he given them?

Sibling rivalry was what it came down to.

“Hello?”

“How the fuck could you do that to me?!” Nick almost yelled into the phone.

“What are you talking about?”

“What am I talking about? How about that interview you did this morning? They’re playing it now dumbass! Acting like I beat on you and Paris when you know that’s fucking bullshit!”

“I didn’t say anything that wasn’t true man and-”

“Oh cut the shit!” he mimicked Aaron’s more nasally tone as he repeated the hurtful words. “I don’t know, but he’s hit me before…he can get pretty violent…”He paused, trying to regain control as traffic started to move once again along the highway. “Why Aaron, why? What did I ever do to deserve you tossing my name back in the mud like that?”

No response, just his brother breathing on the other end of the line.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. So much for trying to bring us together, that only works when there’s money involved. So just…leave the fuck alone. You’re just like mom.” He hung up. As much as he thought that rant would help, it didn’t make him feel any better.

The rest of the drive there was in utter silence.

When he got to the studio he knew the others would be furious. They wouldn’t bother to ask why he looked so upset; they’d assume it was a hangover. It was part of it sure, usually was. But it was never the full story. He got out of his car and walked inside, a set of sunglasses helping to keep the blinding light away from his eyes. Nick was met with a bombardment of angry questions the moment he passed through the door. He flopped into a chair, groaning as his head began to throb. What had he done last night? He couldn’t really remember, it was mostly a blur. He’d gone to the club with some people he called friends, Bean, Chris, and some others they brought along. They split up in the club, and after that it was like his mind went on warp speed.

There had been those two girls, what were their names?

Eh, it doesn’t matter, he thought to himself.

It was just better to think about that night, than everything else.

“Nick are you listening? Where have you been?” Brian’s voice was getting louder and the pain residing in his head intensified immediately.

“God Brian, I have a fucking headache…”

“And it was probably well earned.”

“You’re two hours late!”

“Oh bite me Howie, just cause Kevin walked out the damn door doesn’t mean you get to play daddy to the fucking group now.”

AJ’s hand rested on his shoulder. A side glance caused his eyes to fall on the delicately painted fingernails, buffed and polished as well as any girlfriend Nick’s ever had. AJ was the girliest guy he ever knew; who he knew for a fact was not gay. The amount of beauty products the man owned was just downright terrifying whenever Nick caught sight of it.

“Nick, look…”

“I’m fine! Fucking fine. I’m just a bit hung-over okay!” He stood up angrily, regretting the action immediately as he swayed a little. His head pounded to the beat of an Indian drum. Nick sat back down, groaning. “Just leave me alone. I’m here, let’s just start singing.”

“Dude…”

“I’m fine.” He ignored the looks shot at him at their response. He knew they didn’t believe them. They would probably try their best to babysit him. It was typical; they always acted like he was still that twelve year old shrimp he used to be. Let them worry.

He didn’t care.

****

The roads were slick that night, but Nick didn’t care. In fact, everything seemed hilarious to him as he drove down the side roads of Los Angeles. Lightning flashed across the sky furiously, and he simply giggled at the way everything lit up when it did. Cars honked at him as they passed, and he just flipped them off, laughing as he did. He didn’t think about that morning. Everything seemed a lot better. So what if he seemed to be disappointing everyone around him? Who cared if Aaron was selling him out the same way his mother loved to? Or that BJ and Leslie had gone back to not talking to him again the moment the reality show promotion and interviews ended?

The night had been to forget the day. Bean and Chris had dragged him out for another night on the town. What could be wrong with that? He needed it. No he deserved it. There had been no girls leaving with him from the club however. Nick wasn’t too sure why, they’d been all for the idea of coming back to his place, before suddenly blowing him off.

But he didn’t care, he was having fun.

His phone rang, and he glanced around in search of it. Shit, where’s my phone? Nick’s eyes weren’t on the road; they were looking for the missing phone till he finally discovered it on the seat beside him. The car swerved till he grabbed the wheel once again and answered. There was a chorus of honks in response, but he didn’t really notice. The storm intensified as the rain fell in a horrendous downpour.

“Helloooooooo?”

“Nick, its Brian.”

“Why are you calling? You don’t talk to me no more.” He laughed. “You’re too holy for the likes of me.”

“That’s not fair.”

“What is? Not my liiiiiiife!”

“I just wanted to see how you are. I, I don’t know, I have a bad feeling.”

“You have a bad feeling? You don’t even know what bad feelings are!” Nick grinned, amused. “I’m fine. I told you that today! Fine. Fine. Fine. Fine. Fiiiiiiiiiine!” He sang.

Another flash of lightning danced along the night sky. The roads were instantly illuminated. For a split second, he could see a young woman standing in the middle of the road up ahead. She was trying to get his attention. He squinted, confused. Nick blinked, but she was no longer there.

What the hell?

“Nick?”

The minute of distraction cost him. His car started to run off the road and he swerved to correct it. In doing so, the car began to spin out of control. The last thing Nick would remember was seeing the young woman again, this time in front of a tree. The very tree his Cadillac slammed into only moments later. Metal crunched and twisted, the windshield became nothing more than a spider web of cracks. His body flew forward unimpeded by the seatbelt he ignored that night. His head slammed into the windshield. Pain radiated throughout his body, all consuming.

And then, Nick knew nothing more.
Chapter Three by Rose
Chapter Three


When Nick awoke, nothing seemed to make sense. He found himself on the ground, outside along the road. A storm continued to rage on. The power was out, and clouds covered the sky. Despite the darkness, he found himself being able to see everything quite normally. He stood, trying to reorient himself and figure out what was going on.

There were two things that didn’t sit right with him. First of all, he found himself a little see-though. Visible? Yes. But when he looked down at his feet he could see the ground right through them. Second of all, it was raining and flooding horribly. Water was rushing around the streets as thunder boomed around him. This was a fact. Yet, he wasn’t getting wet at all; in fact, the rain was going right through him.

And there was no pain. For a moment, he couldn’t remember why he knew there should be pain. But he knew it. Yet, he felt nothing. Not the rain, not the storm, he wasn’t cold, he wasn’t warm. Nick felt nothing physically, and the realization disturbed him beyond anything. His mind flashed back to before. How he’d seen something – or thought he had anyway. He’d been talking to Brian. Everything had been funny, the drugs he’d done at the nightclub before taking off.

The pain…the accident.

He screamed, thinking the worst.

No, I can’t be dead.

He spotted his body. He ran forward, his feet making no noise as he did. He paused, realizing he didn’t need to catch his breath, that he didn’t need to breathe. It once again seemed to confirm the worst. Nick grew closer, till finally he was right next the ambulance. That was when he looked down at himself. He saw his face, battered, bruised and coated with blood. His leg was at an odd angle, clearly broken. But the blood, there was so much blood. On his arms, his torso, it had soaked through his clothes quickly despite the rain continuously falling. His eyes were shut as the paramedics were loading it on a gurney. They seemed to be as disturbed as he was.

“Pulse is weak…”

“Jesus, it’s amazing he came out in one piece…”

“Alcohol levels are probably out of this world…”

Nick watched, horrified. It was a bit surreal to be looking down at his own body. To touch it and see his hands go right through. There were plenty of times he’d have what he liked to call “out of body experiences”. Some of the best highs of his life were like that. But this, this was something else. He tried to get the attention of the paramedics, someone, anyone. He danced in front of them, waved his arms like a madman. They moved on like he wasn’t even there. Like he didn’t exist beyond the damaged body they were trying to save. He leaned forward, listening to himself.

Much to his relief, he could hear breathing. He was alive.

For a moment, a random through ran through his mind. He rushed forward through the gurney, standing inside of his body. Maybe now he’d force himself to wake up? He stood there, waiting. Nothing changed, and they finished getting it on the ambulance. The worst was when the paramedic walked through him to get on the ambulance. Instantly he could see that young man’s thoughts, his hopes and his dreams.

Then, he was just himself again.

I’m about to die. Or I’m brain dead. How else is this possible? Fuck there’s so many things I haven’t done. Shit I haven’t said. Dammit I’m not ready to die! This can’t be possible. No, it’s a mistake or-

“Scary, isn’t it Nick?” A voice called out, shaking him from his frantic thoughts.

Someone can see me?

He turned, looking to the sound of the voice. It was one he knew he’d heard before. It sounded so familiar. Nick jumped back when suddenly there was the young woman from before. The one he thought he saw. She was a bit shorter than him, maybe about 5’6”. Like him, she was transparent; he could see the complete wreckage that was once his prized Cadillac behind her. The car was completely ruined. He could see the blood along the glass of the windshield.

His blood.

The so called shatter proof glass had shattered, shards scattered everywhere and sparkling like diamonds. The car wasn’t as long anymore, the impact into tree had caused the front end to crush. He shivered at the sight.

How did I survive that mess?

“Good question.”

His glance shifted back to the girl. She smirked, and immediately reminded him of Leslie. There was just something about her in the facial features, the way she smiled. At once, it hit him.

“You’re the voice in my head.”

“Talk like that to people and they’ll have you committed.”

“But I’m right.”

“Are you?”

“I’m not crazy, or hell, maybe I am. If I was then maybe this is all some crazy ass dream or delusional thing I’m having. That’s it. That’s what this is. I’m in some mental institution or dreaming, or something. Cause this ain’t real, it can’t be real.”

“Oh come on, you know that’s not true. Of course this can be real. Just ask your friend Brian. If this was him, he’d believe in a heartbeat. But then again, because he does believe, this never would have happened. Yikes, I’m rambling. Sorry, I have a bad habit of that.”

Nick thought for a moment, staring hard at the image before him. His eyes widened in realization. “You caused me to crash!”

She walked back to the wrecked vehicle, and suddenly she was sitting on top of the roof. Calm as could be. Nick tried to rub his eyes, but was frustrated to find he couldn’t. Nothing about him was solid. How had she done that? He approached the car, looking up at her. She smiled at him sheepishly, as thunder boomed behind them. She winced at the noise.

“That was a mistake, I was trying to freak you out, not kill you. Oops!” More thunder. “I’m in a bit of trouble for that one. But you’re still alive, though you probably don’t deserve to be.”

Nick frowned as he tried to lean against the car. His arm immediately went into it, and he attempted to kick the wreckage irritably but to no avail. “What do you mean?”

“Well first of all, you’re…well you’re not a ghost but you’re not in your body either so stop trying to touch things.”

He glared at her.

“And, I mean you should be dead right now. That accident should’ve killed you. It’s a miracle you’re alive, and as unharmed as you are.”

“Unharmed?!” He waved his hands back towards the ambulance that was now driving off in the distance. The sirens wailed shrilly in the night. “You call that unharmed? I’d rather be dead!”

“You want to die?” She asked pointedly, shooting him a look. It unnerved him how much she looked like him, like Leslie. He had so many questions about all of this. Like how did she know all this? How was any of this happening? Who was she? Yet, when his mouth moved to voice any of those thoughts, nothing came out.

He didn’t answer.

“Didn’t think so. You talk about not caring, you think it. I think you’ve fooled yourself.” She appeared beside him instantly in a tiny flash of light. He jumped at the sight of her next to him.

“It’s easy to talk about it. But I don’t think you want to die. Look at you now; you were scared beyond belief when you thought this was it. You have your problems…but you want to live. And that’s a start.” She smiled.

“How do you…”

“Know? How am I here?” She reached up, tried to fix his ruffled hair. “Because He wants me here. He wants me to know.”

“What is all this? Whatever you did, put me back!”

“This, well, this is a chance…maybe your last chance. Who knows? The big guy, well, He thinks you have potential. So much that He’s having me help you.” She rolled her eyes. “I think I annoyed Him recently, because honestly, you’re already getting on my nerves.”

He raised a brow. “You’re not much fun to be around either. You haven’t even answered anything!”

“Have I? Think about it. And anyway, for right now, we’re stuck with each other. So we’re both going to have to deal with it, and make it work.”

“Don’t I have enough problems?” It was her attitude that was infuriating him so much. He was so confused, so at a loss for what was going on. And he would never admit it to her, but he was terrified. He may have seen his body there still breathing, but at the same time, he knew he was here. As some sort of spirit. She had been right about one thing, he wanted to live. Despite everything wrong in his life, despite his actions, Nick didn’t want to die. He wanted to live more than anything.

But because he was so freaked out by everything, he found himself acting cocky. His old standby.

“That’s exactly my point!”

“Why? Why me?”

“You want to know why? Well, because right now, you could go either way at this point. It’s all up to you.”

Nick smirked, raising a brow at her. “Oh I can huh? And just who the hell are you anyway?”

“I’m what you’d call...a guardian. Well, I’m more than that but we’ll go with that for now. He told me to keep it uncomplicated. Easy for Him to say.” Lightening lit up the sky as the thunder followed. “The name’s Grace. But more importantly, right now?” She grinned. “I’m your new best friend.”
Chapter Four by Rose
Chapter Four


It was at that moment the scenery changed. How, he couldn’t say. The experience was hard for anyone to describe. The woman was right next to him, placed her hand on his shoulder. Everything became a quick blur. People passed by them at warp speed. He tried to pick out specific sights of places but it was impossible way the way everything ran together around him. Nick felt dizzy and knew if he was in his body, he’d be throwing up by now.

And then, everything stopped.

Grace was standing in front of him now as he tried to reorient himself. He looked down at himself and tried to touch someone walking by. He shuddered as his hand went right through her. Still no luck, so whatever was going on, was still happening. He glanced around, taking in the stark white walls, the bustle of activity. There were plenty of people walking around, walking through him, which was unnerving, being part of them even if only for a moment.

“Don’t stand around staring at everything.” She smirked.

“Where are we?”

“At a hospital, where did you think we were at? A morgue? You ain’t dead…yet.”

“Yet…” He repeated lowly, following her down the hall. “And besides I knew we’re at a hospital, what I meant was which one.”

“Does that really matter?”

“Whatever. So what are we doing here?”

Grace turned back towards him, a hand on her hip as she stared at him with a raised brow. His first thought was that for an angel, which is what he assumed she was after she called herself a “guardian”, she had a lot of attitude. That’s even if he really believed all this. He still wasn’t sure on that part. It all felt like something out of a nightmare. He could still awake up. He then wondered if she heard that thought.

“I did, and I do, and we’re here to see you.”

“Me? Why?”

“Because. Just trust me on this. You need to see this; He wants you to see this. Maybe it’ll start driving the point home.”

He walked behind her, albeit quite unwillingly. “You keep mentioning Him, what if I don’t even fucking believe in God? What then?! Will I wake up from this nightmare? Will all this shit stop?”

She sighed, stopping again. “No, I just would find it sad, because you know what? He believes in you.”

“Whatever.”

“I swear, you’re practically hopeless.”

She started walking down the hallway, without even a glance back at him. It was like she knew he was compelled to follow despite himself. He sighed as he glanced around. While there were many people up and about, most of them were either in white coats or scrubs, all hurriedly working to help people. He wondered then who was there to help him. All Nick wanted right then was to wake up from this nightmare, and have a drink. He craved one, something to escape the madness.

I may be fucked up, but I like it that way.

“Nick, in here.” Grace called, bringing him out of his thoughts. She stood in the doorway, motioning for him to enter. He walked in ahead of her, and despite his attempt to ready himself, chills still ran through him at the sight before him.

It felt eerie, staring down at himself. His eyes were shut tight, his face black and blue, and a variety of cuts littered his cheeks. His arm was in a cast, and he was hooked up to various machines, each beeping steadily. He waved his hand in front of the face of his body. No movement, no sign of life at all. In fact, if it wasn’t for the fact he was breathing and the machines were still functioning; Nick would’ve thought he was dead. He glanced back at Grace who was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. He wished he knew how she did that, going through things had gotten old rather quickly.

“Not a pretty picture is it?”

He stared back down at himself. “How long have I been in here?”

She shrugged. “About two days, I had us pass time a bit.”

“Two days?!”

“You’re in a coma; remember your dumbass is lucky to be alive. So no bitching okay?” Grace suddenly jerked as if with pain, before glancing up at the ceiling with annoyance. “Okay, okay, no cursing.” Her gaze went back to Nick. “Big guy isn’t a fan of the foul language.”

“Okay…” It was all a bit too weird for him still. He sighed, watching himself.

“Visiting hours are over in case you’re wondering why no one’s here to visit you. I didn’t want you trying to walk through your band mates or something.”

“Like they’d visit.”

She stepped in front of Nick, eyes flashing unnaturally. “Are you kidding me? They’ve all been by, Kevin’s practically lived here. Just because you’ve got major issues, it doesn’t mean people don’t care about you.”

He rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

“Is that all you have to say?”

Nick turned away from her then, refocusing back on himself. He knew she was wrong; he didn’t care what she was. And how did he know she was what she said she was? She could be anything, an alien, a demon, anything! His life wasn’t screwed up, he liked it. Nick didn’t care if Brian never called unless he thought he was fucking up. Nick didn’t care if his family ignored him unless there was a camera or radio DJ within hearing or viewing distance. Or that his mother continued to try and use him as her personal ATM. He was Nick Carter, and he had it all.

I don’t need help, I’m fine. I’m happy.

“Keep telling yourself that, maybe one day you’ll actually believe it.”

“I do believe it!”

At this point, Grace looked like she was ready to scream. He was sure if she was alive, or human, that she’d be red with fury by that point. As it was, she seemed to possess a lack of control when it came to her emotions. It was something he could definitely relate to.

“Do you know why you’re here Nick?”

“Why I’m in…”

“The hospital, yes. Do you know why? Answer me.”

“Because I screwed up, and because you scared the shit outta me!”

“No, you would’ve ended up here either way, I just made it worse. By mistake. Anyways, look…you’re here because you need help. If you don’t at least try to hear what I’m saying, you’re going to die.”

Nick sighed. “Well, if I die, I know I don’t just go poof. So it’s all good. Ain’t you proof of that?”

“Okay, that’s it.” She appeared on the other side of the bed, grabbing his arm. How he was able to feel the grip she had, he had no idea. But felt it he did, and she had a really tight grip.

“What are you doing?”

“We’re going on a little field trip.”

“Where are we-“he started, but was cut off by the fact everything seemed to be rushing by yet again. He couldn’t speak, couldn’t focus on much of anything. It all seemed to be going by too fast. He felt compressed, shoved together even though he wasn’t much to begin with. Finally, everything slowed to a stop once again. He lurched forward, grimacing.

“This shit is worse than roller coaster.”

“I thought you liked roller coasters.”

“I do, but this? No.” Nick looked around again, taking in his surroundings. He could see Grace and the light surrounded her just out of the corner of his eye. The little knick knacks, the homey feeling in the place, and platinum record plaques along the wall, it didn’t take him long to recognize the place. They had gone to Brian’s condo that he kept for when they did their LA recording sessions.

“Why we even here? Brian’s supposed to fly back home tonight for the weekend.”

She rolled her eyes, holding out her hand towards the hallway. “Just trust me.”

“Easier said than done,” he muttered before doing as he was told. A voice caught his attention.

“Yes, hi, my name is Brian Littrell…they said I had to talk to you… Well frankly, I don’t care if you’re sick of me calling; I’m calling to find out if the status of Nickolas Carter has changed.” A pause. “Nothing. But what about…So those abnormal readings…” A sigh. “Thank you very much.”

Nick crept forward towards Brian’s voice as he heard him hang up. “Thanks for nothing.”

He watched Brian run his hands tiredly through his hair. He looked like he hadn’t slept once since the accident, and a wave of guilt washed through Nick. Had he caused Brian to panic like this? Why? It broke his heart as he watched Brian dial a new number, one that shouldn’t have surprised him, yet did.

“Hey Kev, yeah, no change. I’m going in to see him tomorrow.” Brian rolled his eyes at whatever Kevin said on the other end of the line. “I’m getting sleep. I’ll see you there. Bye.”

“Liar…” Nick whispered, forgetting Brian couldn’t hear him. Their friendship had been broken for years now, he knew that, even tried to accept it. Why would Brian be so worried like this? His mind flashed back to happier times with him, when they really were “Frick and Frack”. He missed that more than he ever wanted to admit. Nick even tried to replace him, though every attempt failed.

“Your friendship is damaged, not gone.” Grace said from behind him. “You just have to reach out and fix it.”

“I can’t believe he’s that worried about me.”

“Leighanne’s flying out tomorrow with Baylee; they’re worried about you too. Brian kept telling her not to come, that it’ll be okay, but she stopped believing him.”

Nick stared at her with an expression of pure disbelief. “Yoko?”

“Oh my God Nick let it go. You two had issues, but she still cares and so do you.”

“She hates me, and got Brian to feel the same way.” He muttered.

“You really are blind.” She walked forward, picking up a picture from off a shelf. She handed it to him, and surprisingly he was able to hold it. “Stop marveling at the fact I’m letting you touch something and look at it.”

A smile appeared. It was an old photo, back from their beginning days when Nick still was the shortest member of the group. He was on Brian’s back and laughing while Kevin was giving them what Nick liked to call the “dirty brow” – that disapproving look he’d become famous for. Everything was simpler then, easier. He couldn’t believe Brian still had this; he’d lost his own copy of the photo years before. Nick looked back over at the man he used to call his best friend. He was sitting over in the armchair now, staring at the TV but not really watching.

“I just can’t believe Brian…cares so much.”

“Just remember that when you say you don’t care if you die.”

Nick raised a brow though his eyes remained focused on his friend. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, that even if your spirit does live on, you’re leaving them behind. AJ, Howie, Kevin, they’re all just as upset as Brian about this. Even your siblings, your parents, not to mention all your fans. Just think of how bad it’ll screw everyone up if you manage to get yourself killed. Even if you don’t care, even if you’d rather have it end – which I already know you don’t, think of how it’ll hurt them. Stop being so selfish!”

“I’m not being selfish, it’s my life.”

“And aren’t you sick of it? Let me tell you something, I’d give anything…” Finally he glanced back towards her, and was surprised to see her looking downwards, her eyes melancholy, yet beautiful. “I’d give anything to be alive again. To feel, to touch…Heaven’s great and all, but living, living is the best.”

He stared at her, licking his lips as he thought her words over.

“You don’t have to say anything now. It’s time for you to wake up, and come back to reality. Which FYI, I’m granting you one freebie. They didn’t find that shit you took in your system, just the alcohol. I need you out of jail Nickolas. But if you fu-screw up again like that, I’m letting you deal with all of it.”

Nick smiled at the thought of actually waking up, of the guys caring, at the idea that maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t as alone as he always felt. Could Grace be right? Before he could say anything though, Grace touched his shoulder. An odd feeling came over him. He could suddenly hear a steady, unrelenting, noise.

Beep…Beep…Beep

“Oh and one more thing, you’ll probably think this was all a dream. But don’t worry, it’s not! We’ll be seeing a lot of each other buddy; we have a lot of work to do!”

His surroundings began to fade; suddenly pain could be felt all throughout his body. He could hear people talking. None of it was clear. He could still see the outline of Brian’s condo as everything blurred. He felt dizzy again, confused. The pain intensified.

Everything went black.

Beep…Beep…Beep

Within what felt like only minutes, his eyes shot open.
Chapter Five by Rose
Author's Notes:
Sorry about the delay between updates! I got inspired for my other story "Walked Out Of My Dreams" but no worries, this story wasn't forgotten. Enjoy! :)
Chapter Five


…Beep…Beep…Beep…

“Nick, can you hear me?”

Nick, don’t forget what we talked about…

“Nick? Come back to us buddy…”

I’ll be seeing you soon!

He blinked, opening his eyes again. Immediately he squinted, the bright lights momentarily blinding him before faces hovered above him in his vision. No, one face hovered above him. He’d thought he’d seen too, but it’d been a trick of the light. Brian broke into a wide grin as he embraced him immediately, awkward thanks to everything Nick was hooked up to. He took everything in. Just behind him, much to his surprise was Leighanne. Why was she there? They had issues, always have.

“Nick?”

His eyes shifted around, still unfocused. Memories rushed through his mind in a rapid blur. A night out at the clubs. The storm, and the drive home. There had been a crash, and then nothing. Or was there more? He could quite grasp them, but there were images flashing through his mind. A young woman. Nick, staring down at his own broken, damaged body. He shook his head. Dreams, most likely.

“Brian?” He croaked, finally. He’d meant to say something different, like a thank you, for being there. He didn’t like to think about it, but Nick had always assumed if something happened to him like this, Brian would’ve chalked it up as Nick bringing it on himself. Cynical or not, it was comforting, heartwarming, to see him there at his side.

“Thank God…” Brian murmured, hugging him once again. “Leigh, get the doctors.”

“Glad to have you back with the living Nick.” She said with a smile, before doing just as her husband had told her. It was better that way. Nick had not a clue of how to respond after years of resentment and dislike hovering between the two of them. At least, not without starting a fight at least.

He simply nodded, not up for saying anything, but wanting more than anything to be free of all the cords and wires holding him still to the hospital bed. He tried once again to sort everything out. He sighed mentally, what did it matter anyway? It wasn’t like anything was going to get better.

“Frack, how you feeling?”

Nick jerked at the old nickname. Brian hadn’t called him that in a long time, not since he got serious with Leighanne at least. He simply stared up at him, somewhat in awe. Where had everything gone wrong? How had a bond, once so close, so secure, become so broken? Had it been his fault, like his dreams had said?

They were dreams, he reminded himself firmly. Or had it been because of Brian, because of Leighanne, the way he’d always told himself? It felt like old times though, like they hadn’t drifted apart over the past few years. That their friendship was as tight as it had ever been. It was an odd feeling. Nick swallowed hard, suddenly craving water.

“Thirsty.” It was a noncommittal response and he was thankful for it. There was too much in his head right then, he felt like he was on sensory overload. This wasn’t the time or the place for trying to sort things out. Brian looked relieved as well that Nick’s solitary word shattered the awkward moment between them.

“Right…” He went for a glass of water, and Nick tried to slowly get himself sitting up. It amazed him how weak he felt, his arm felt like rubber, while the other arm was in a cast. He glanced down, wondering what else he’d broken. Parts of his body he hadn’t realized could feel pain were aching mercilessly. Eventually though, he accomplished his goal, feeling thoroughly exhausted.

Brian held up the glass of water to his lips. Suddenly, a streak of sudden pride washed through him as he roughly grabbed it with his uninjured hand and caused a few drops to spill on the sheets. He didn’t want to be treated as the invalid he knew he was at the moment. He could do things for himself. The ferocity must have surprised Brian, as he took a step back, his hands held up in surrender. Nick took a sip and said nothing.

I’m hurt, I ain’t dead. Fuck.

“So…Nick, what happened that night?” His friend asked, finally breaking the silence again. He just wanted to know what was taking Leighanne so long finding a doctor. Not that he minded her being gone of course.

“Which one?” He asked without a moment’s thought. It sounded odd, even to him.

Brian’s brows furrowed a bit as Nick took another sip. “The night of the accident.”

His head turned away and he stared at the wall. What would Brian know? He wouldn’t understand. A nagging feeling entered his head, throbbed incessantly. Nick pushed it aside, it was probably a headache. He did just come out of a coma after what must have been a pretty bad accident. No, he knew he’d been bad, he’d seen the wreckage. It was a miracle he was awake at all.

…The hell? Where did that thought come from? How could I see the wreck when I was the one in it?

“I was having some fun.” He finally said after trying to shake the troubling thoughts out of his mind.

“You call that fun?!” Brian asked incredulously, all the warmth had suddenly vanished from his voice. It was like their bond that Nick had thought resurfaced had once again been turned off like a light switch.

“Not the accident, but I was having fun up until then, yeah!”

The man he once called his best friend turned away, but Nick could make out his mutterings all the same. “Fun, are you kidding me? …Maybe that knock to your head killed your common sense.”

“You know what Brian, I can fucking hear you!”

The door opened just as Brian turned to face him. His mouth closed once again and silenced the angry retort Nick knew was lingering there inside. He expected to see the doctor or Leighanne enter the room, but instead, it was Kevin. He glanced between them and looked puzzled to see the furious stares shooting between them. Brian just shook his head, his expression an unreadable mix of frustration, worry, and distaste.

“I’m going to see what’s taking Leigh so long.”

Kevin raised a brow at him as he walked over and pulled up a chair to sit beside his bed. He sighed and Nick saw up close just how tired he was. Kevin always had that knack of being able to get him to feel guilty. He took another sip of water as an excuse not to talk. He was tired anyway, not that he’d admit it to anyone right then.

“You’re awake not even an hour and you’re already back to pissing people off.”

He rolled his eyes while Kevin chuckled.

“I don’t like being treated like a fucking child.”

Kevin’s eyes stared into him with those piercing green eyes, in a way only Kevin could. “Then maybe Nick, you need to stop acting like one.”

“I don’t-”

“No, Nick, you need to hear me out. You have any idea how worried we’ve been, how many times Brian’s been pestering the doctors about you, arguing with your mother – and you know how she is – doing everything he can for you? It drove him crazy; it drove us all crazy, having you in here like this. Even if we’re pissing you off, the least you can do is deal with it.”

He turned his head away, staring at the wall. He was so sick of being told what to do. And what right did Kevin have to do that anymore? He’d abandoned them, abandoned the group. He didn’t deserve to boss him around anymore. He heard Kevin sigh, but neither of them said anything more. He loved them, more than he’d ever told them. They were his brothers, his family in all the ways his own “blood family” had failed him. At the same time, they didn’t understand. They never would. They all had family who supported them. Even if friends they made failed them, they had their family.

Nick never had that luxury.

He knew Kevin, Brian, AJ, and Howie all loved him, that they cared. He could even say that in some twisted way, the Carters all loved him too. But was any of it unconditional? Probably not. He stopped believing in that a long time ago. Love had limits. No matter how many people denied it and tried to say otherwise. He knew better. Too many people had used him, given up on him, for Nick to believe otherwise. His band mates were still around, but who knew how long that would continue. Even Brian. Sure, Brian was here, Brian cared. But it wasn’t like they were friends anymore outside of the group; it wasn’t like they were close. Not how they used to be. Slowly but surely, he was giving up on him. Just like everyone else in his life.

Nick just continued to pretend he wasn’t affected by any of it. It was all he could do.

Kevin took his uninjured hand. “Look, little man…”

The doctor came in before he could say anything more. And for that, Nick was thankful. He didn’t want any more “deep” talks. He didn’t want to hear it. All he wanted was for them to let him be. He thought of his siblings, his parents. Did any of them even bother to come visit them in here? Probably not. The fellas might drive him crazy, but at least they came.

The doctor was talking to him, but Nick tuned it out. He’d had enough talking for the day.

Fuck, I don’t even think I know what I want. I want them gone, I’m glad they’re here. He hated feeling such a mess. Maybe it was the medication. Or, maybe he was just being honest with himself. Nick wasn’t really sure.

He simply wished he didn’t feel so alone all the time.

****

Grace watched them from the doorway. She knew none of them would sense her. But she could sense them, their emotions, their fears, their thoughts. None of them were particularly pleasant at the moment. Her eyes focused on Nick. He reminded her so much of herself back when she was still alive. He had so many people around him who loved him, and he was so tragically blind to all of it. All he could see was everything he lacked.

She was like that once.

Grace started walking down the hall as she pondered her next move. Why did God believe she could handle this? She couldn’t even handle herself when she’d traveled down a similar path so many years before in her own lifetime. Why would He make Nick her new charge? She sighed. God worked in mysterious ways, it was a phrase she’d found to be proven true in so many ways.

Somehow, someway, she had to make this work. She had to make him see everything she, herself, had once been blind to. Grace desperately wanted to protect him from the fate that had befallen her. If only he could see how much of a blessing it was to be alive, he wouldn’t be so self-destructive. Maybe then, he wouldn’t subconsciously try to find ways to kill himself. She stepped outside the hospital, enjoying the breeze as she took on her corporeal form. At least this assignment had some blessings. It was the closest she’d felt to being alive since she died.

She thought back to her life, back to a simpler time. Back to the pain and the joy, to the thrills of simply being alive. Of everything Nick would miss if he finally accomplished his goal. Grace stared up at the stars, at the heavens beyond them that mortals couldn’t see. The beauty was breathtaking, but had nothing on Earth. Her jaw set.

She couldn’t fail him.
Chapter Six by Rose
Author's Notes:
Okay, okay so I know I'm way overdue for an update. All I have to say is I'm sorry! Thanks to everyone who's sticking with me and this story. :). Enjoy!
Chapter Six


Nick wasn’t too pleased with the fact he had to stay in the hospital another day for observation. The night dragged on and there wasn’t anything good on any of the channels. He thought back to Kevin, to Brian, the way he’d treated them. The way they stayed with him till visiting hours were over all the same. He knew he didn’t deserve them, that he wasn’t good enough for them. Nick sighed as he sat up slowly in his bed, ignoring the pain that flashed through him. The doctor had said he’d broken a few ribs.

What really shocked him, was that he’d been in a coma for a full week. For some reason, he was sure it had only been two days. Where he got that thought from, he couldn’t quite remember. Christmas was in two days, and any plans Nick thought he could have of course were gone. Not that he’d had any beyond avoiding the Carter clan.

He glanced at the phone beside his bed. He could call people of course. Nick knew most wouldn’t be pleased at being woken up at two in the morning, but he couldn’t sleep. He felt restless. Anytime he felt restless, it never led to anything good - clubs, women, drugs, trouble. Nick got restless because otherwise he’d start thinking, and thinking, simply put, got depressing. He continued to channel surf until settling on E!, a decision he immediately regretted.


Ex-Backstreet Boy Nick Carter has been reported to have woken up today. The twenty-six year old was recently in a crash after leaving LA Nightclub – Mood, clearly under the influence of drugs and alcohol. No word has been reported on the charges that may be brought against him once recovered.


“Great…fucking perfect.” He muttered and changed the channel. TMZ was on and in morbid curiosity; he left it there when he thought he heard his name. Nick knew it couldn’t be anything good right then. But there wasn’t much on and he figured it’d be better to know. Then he saw himself, coming out of the nightclub that night. He’d been stumbling everywhere, ranting, raving, looking like the fool he never saw himself as. He blinked, staring at a man who looked ready to collapse.

“That was me that night?”

“Not the best image, is it?”

Nick jerked at the sound and winced immediately at the pain it caused. To his surprise it wasn’t who he expected. AJ stood in the doorway, smirking as he shut the door behind him and went to sit down. He frowned at his thought. Who had he been expecting? He mentally shrugged it off and glanced back over at his friend. He was fiddling with the sunglasses he’d just taken off. It made Nick want to chuckle – middle of the night and AJ still couldn’t bear to give up his beloved shades. How typical.

“How did you get in here? They kicked Brian and Kevin out.”

AJ smirked. “I charmed the right nurses, explained to them I didn’t get a chance to see you. Signed a few autographs…”

“And people think we’re has-beens…”

“Our fans grew up. They’re teachers and nurses and shit now. Anyway, they let me in as long as I stay quiet. There’s this pretty little number at the front desk who I’d love to get to know better…”

“Aren’t you dating Katie?”

“Your point?”

“None, just checking.”

AJ grabbed the remote from him and changed the channel to some late night talk show before setting his gaze on Nick. The eyes always hidden behind the sunglasses always had an ability to see right through a person. It was eerie, how much it reminded him of Kevin’s own piercing stare.

“You shouldn’t be watching that shit.”

“Why not, people will say it to me anyway; better to know ahead of time.”

“You enjoy watching yourself like that? Jesus Nick…even at my worst I didn’t come that close to…to…”

…To getting myself killed. Nick finished mentally. Except you did AJ, I just don’t think you ever knew it.

“I know.” Was what he said instead, having known that’s what his friend wanted to hear. Even if AJ was being a bit of a hypocrite in his opinion, he said what he knew was expected, rather than what he wanted to tell him. He wanted the fellas close, despite how he kept them at a distance.

“I asked the nurse if they knew when you’d be let out. They said tomorrow, they’re just keeping an eye on you in case there’s any complications. You know how close you cut it?”

Nick laughed humorlessly. “Let’s see, a broken arm, a few broken ribs, enough cuts and bruises to last a lifetime…a head injury that knocked me into a coma… I think I know.”

“You got off lucky.”

Nick just nodded, his eyes shifting back to the television again. Now it was showing Jerry Springer and he wanted to laugh. It was like watching his own family. If he concentrated hard enough, the woman on stage screaming could easily be his mother. His father would be the one on the other end with another woman, trying to defend his actions as Jane tried to attack him. His siblings would be in the audience, watching stoically. And Nick? Nick knew he’d be on stage, trying to talk sense into both of them only to be ignored.

“Nick, did you hear me?”

“What?”

“I asked if you knew what you were doing for Christmas.”

“Do I ever?”

AJ went silent. Nick knew what AJ’s plans were; he’d be flying out to Florida to spend it with his mom. It was a yearly tradition for AJ anytime he wasn’t busy touring the world. Denise McLean had always been one of Nick’s several surrogate mothers growing up, but he never felt comfortable imposing on them during the holidays. And now, even he wanted to, he couldn’t fly in this condition and they both knew it.

“Dude I can-“

“No, go home to do your thing. I’ll be alright.”

AJ’s brow rose dubiously, without saying a word.

“Seriously, I’ll be fine. I’m sure Howie or Kevin will be bugging the shit out of me.” Nick pretty much assumed now that he was awake, Brian would be flying home. It was a depressing thought but nothing really surprising. If anything he was surprised Brian was still in town because of him. Though he wouldn’t say that aloud, of course.

“I think Brian was talking about staying in LA too.”

“Oh.” The response may have been noncommittal, but he couldn’t quite hide the smile. Brian would’ve been the option he’d pick, even with Leighanne getting in the way. Anytime he saw Kevin, he just wanted to know what right he had to boss him around now that he left the group. As for Howie, he loved Howie, he did, but he knew Howie would want to spend time with Leigh. He’d be just another third wheel. At least with Brian he’d be able to play with Baylee. It was sad, he knew, knowing that the only people he really considered family, still saw him as a burden. None would it admit it obviously.

Nick just knew.

****

“Mr. Carter! Good morning.”

Nick blinked his eyes open slowly. He glanced around for AJ but didn’t see him. He must have left when he’d fallen asleep. When did that happen? Nick didn’t even remember beginning to doze off. He sighed, maybe it was the medication the doctors had him on. He glanced up the nurse tending to him and checking the various monitors he wished he wasn’t hooked up to.

“Morning...” he mumbled, staring at her. She looked familiar.

“Something on your mind?”

He shook his head. She looked young, too young to be a nurse there. But there was just something that reminded her of someone, he just couldn’t think of whom. In some ways she almost looked like Leslie, with her long blonde hair down in loose waves, impish blue eyes. Yet, she had a look about her, a look of another time. It was throwing him off base.

“No, I’m alright…” He read her name tag, “Grace.”

Why do I feel like I know her?

She grinned. “Good, I’d hate to have to keep you in here another day. It’s bad enough you’re here on Christmas Eve, but we should have you out of here in the next few hours.” She jotted down some notes. “I’m not seeing a reason to keep you here and I’m sure the doctor won’t either.”

“Good, I’m sick of this place.”

“This isn’t exactly what I’d call cheery, so I can’t blame you.”

“It’s a fucking hellhole.” He said angrily, feeling bitter about everything once again. Like the fact he hadn’t seen his family once in the hospital. At least, not awake. He was told his siblings stopped by when he was still in a coma. Nick just wished they were willing to bother when he was actually awake. He was sure there’d be calls waiting from them, pretending they cared just like everyone else in his life.

“I’m sure, though if you made better choices, maybe you wouldn’t be in here.” She stated smugly while Nick’s brows rose. Who was she to say that about him? She didn’t know him, she didn’t know anything. His temper flared and it only took rising too quickly to painfully remind him that he wasn’t exactly able bodied right then.

“Who the hell are you to say that?!”

“I’m sorry, but it’s the truth. Besides, the world’s saying far worse, you need to not care what people think of you, famous or not.”

Her calmness only infuriated him further. “You don’t get it.”

“I get more than you think Nick. And, like it or not, you better get used to me.”

“Get used to you? I’m leaving today! And why is it you act like you know me and I feel like I know you?!”

“Really? Hmm, maybe it was in those dreams of yours.” Grace replied with a smirk before sauntering out of the room. He watched her go, trying to make sense of her words, trying to place her. It didn’t take long. Her head popped in at the precise moment the memories, all of them, came flooding back to him. She smiled at him. A familiar, genuine, Carter trademark smile.

“You there yet?”

His mouth hung open as he floundered for words. No, no way. Shit like this doesn’t happen. I’m insane. That’s it. There’s no god, no annoying fucking angel. No. Or I’m still in a coma, still dreaming.

“No, it does. No, you’re not insane – yet. There is a God and He’s trying to help you even though you don’t believe. Why do you think I’m here?” She rolled her eyes, placing her hands on her hips as she eyed him.

“Why, why me?”

“Because for some reason Nicky Boy, you’ve still got some potential.” She winked, before vanishing right before his eyes in a vision of light. That was when he screamed. He just couldn’t take it. All of it was simply too much for him to wrap his head around.

Brian came racing through the doors. He’d been coming by for his daily visit. “Nick! Nick! Jesus, you scared the life out of me, are you alright?”

Nick shook his head. “No, she was there, and she...she…”

“Who was there?”

At that he paused, what could he say? They’d have him committed. He knew how he sounded. So he shook his head and calmed himself down. It was the best he could do. Maybe it was the medicine. They were giving him some pretty heavy drugs for the pain before, though they’d been weaning him off so he could go home. Withdrawals maybe? The excuse was weak, but he’d take it. Anything to explain it away.

Stuff like that can cause hallucinating right? Yeah, maybe that’s it. Something deep inside of him knew the truth however, even if his conscious self refused to admit it.

“Nothing man, it was just…a dream.”

If only.
Chapter Seven by Rose
Author's Notes:
I know, the delay on here is gigantic but I'm putting forth some serious effort to focus on this story. Thanks for sticking with me!
Chapter Seven


“What do you dream about? Because I can make it happen.”

“I wanna be an actress, perhaps the best actress. The one everyone’s talking about, the way they do Clara Bow.” She said softly, her eyes shining with the stars she so desperately wanted to pursue as she gazed up to the dapper looking man leaning up against a closed building.

Nick turned, but it was like no one saw him. He was nothing but the observer in the scene around them. He felt like he fell into an old silent film except for the obvious fact he could hear people talking and everything was in Technicolor. The woman talking was beautiful, happy, and familiar. With short golden hair done in tight curls and held back by a feathered headdress; she wore a black shimmering dress and heels while smoking a cigarette with a long holder. She inhaled deeply before blowing smoke out into the chilly Chicago air. Nick wasn’t sure exactly how he knew where they were, but know he did. Cars looking like they came right of some educational special were driving by casually in their Model T glory.

“And I can show ya the way doll face.” He told her as he started brushing some unseen dust off his suit. “All you gotta do is trust me.”

Giggling, she tucked a curl behind her ear and nodded. A car passed them by as the two started walking away. “You’re the first guy I feel like I
can trust, James.”

“Don’t worry Gracie, I’ll never steer you wrong.”

“I know.”

“You did the right thing, coming with me. That one horse town was only suffocating a dame like you. We’ll head to California in a few weeks and we’ll pound the pavements till we make it happen.”

“I was the luckiest girl in the world when you walked through my daddy’s door.”

Nick blinked and started walking closer. He wanted to get a better look at the pair.

His hand slipped into his coat pocket to pull out a fancy gold pocket and clicked his tongue at the time. “Let’s go to Sam’s joint and tip a few.”

She looped her arm through James’ and they walked off without a second thought.

Nick hurried to catch up with them as he watched the two of them head into a local speakeasy and…


***

It was the middle of the night in Nick’s apartment when he suddenly jerked awake from his dream. He rolled his eyes and changed the channel. That’s what he got for leaving the history channel on after he took his pain medication. Between that and whatever that stupid thing that decided to haunt him every chance she had. He still debated on if angels were real of he was simply psychotic. It wasn’t making sleeping easier in any case.

Sleep in general wasn’t a simple feat given the soreness of his body and the incredibly stiff cast on his arm. So really what ended up happening was a lot of staring up at the ceiling and too much thinking. He couldn’t drink yet though the drugs for pain were helping at least. The fact none of the drugs he’d done had been found in his system made it so the doctors didn’t hold back on certain prescriptions. The only reason he wasn’t using that to his advantage yet, was simply because he knew the others were watching him too close for the moment. As much as they could at least. Christmas was tomorrow and he’d shut out the world. He wasn’t up for their pity invites. The idea of having him over because he almost got himself killed.

The idea of asking to have a family holiday was completely laughable.

Well, with the exception of Angel. His baby sister, the youngest girl but somehow the most mature. Yet she was the only one of them who seemed to give a damn beyond the idea that he could be a walking, talking ATM machine. He glanced at the phone before looking at the clock. It was only four AM. No one he knew family or otherwise was going to be up at this ungodly hour anyway. Hell, he wished he wasn’t. Sighing, he glanced at the TV again. Infomercials. Lovely.

“You know, you should call someone.”

Nick almost fell out of the bed, glaring at the girl who walked from nowhere to stand in front of the bed. She turned the TV off with a bit of a grin. “Stop being so angry and listen to me.”

“You almost made me fall out of the fucken bed and break something else!”

“I wouldn’t let it happen.” Grace sat on the bed, smirking. “If you don’t heal, you can’t serve your ninety days community service and go to outpatient rehab.”

He rolled his eyes. Rehab was for addicts. He wasn’t an addict by any means. Sure sometimes he’d go crazy and binge for months. But he wasn’t AJ! Every time he was on tour he’d quit cold turkey and handle it just fine. Nick could function which was more than his friend and band mate could ever claim. There was a difference. He simply figured God liked fucking with him. Why else would he give him his poor excuse of a family and then surround him with those who had what he never would? Or hell, maybe Grace was really some alien experiment. He could see that.

“They should save that for someone who needs it.” He muttered.

“You know I have better hearing than you right?”

No, he didn’t. “Don’t care.”

There was so much in that moment Nick just didn’t know. As always, He had a plan. But it was within His wisdom to be sure humans had their free will; Grace knew what was to come but wasn’t by any means allowed to share it. She was supposed to help convince him to make that choice. That was the most she could do to interfere. She could guide, show him truths in the here and now that he hadn’t yet seen. If she was up to it, she was even allowed to show him her own sad tale. But that was it. Fixing the family problems was something she knew might never happen but she herself prayed she might help him mend those shattered bonds. If not, in a little over five years Nick would come to regret it with every part of his being.

And depending on the path he’d chosen it could even cause his complete self destruction.

Then he’d be nothing more than another star doomed to an early grave. The other path is what had her here in the first place. This man, this broken, shattered mess of a man could help change the world. He could help save souls without even realizing he was saving himself. The tragic event causing this wouldn’t change no matter which path he walked, only the destinations. If only he knew.

She sighed, shaking her head. “You don’t have a choice anyway. To be honest your lawyer was pretty skilled since he kept you out of jail since this was your second DUI.”

“Don’t remind me.”

“Someone should Nick!”

“Yeah some fucked up part of my brain or one of God’s bitches.”

Grace bit her lip and kept her own temper under control. Heavenly being or not she was still human once upon a time. That never faded away completely. “This is the last night I’ll be here.” This was a lie. She’d be in the wings, watching. Hoping to influence helpful situations and possible chase away darker possibilities. And then she was planning on revealing herself again after he got out of rehab to either support new healthier choices or prevent a horrible relapse. Either future was very possible and it was unclear what would happen still. Everything about Nick’s future was murky to be honest. “Does that help? I can’t and won’t force you into anything. I’m doing nothing but trying to help you.”

“Heh, yeah. Merry Christmas to me!”

Another eye roll. She noticed how he avoided her real point but let it be. “You’ll be spending it alone. How’s that merry?”

Nick was just damn glad the lectures would end after tonight. Didn’t he get enough? Then again, like it or not she had a point. He wasn’t in Florida; he didn’t have his dogs here. What “friends” he had would only want to show up if Christmas meant getting blitzed as usual. It was looking more and more like a day from hell no matter how much he didn’t want to admit to it. And it wasn’t like he’d ever have a real girlfriend again. That was a joke. The world thought he was a woman beater; the rest used him for money, fame, and drugs. Easy as that.

“Nobody wants me crashing their Christmas.”

It was sad but in that moment, Grace completely softened. He looked like a lost little boy as he said it. “That’s not true. Brian didn’t leave for Atlanta cause he’s hoping you’ll call him. But if you’re uncomfortable because of Leighanne, don’t call him. AJ may have gone to Florida to be with his mom but you know he’d welcome you to crash. Howie wouldn’t mind either. Kevin’s mom told him to stay here when she heard about your accident, because she felt you needed him…”

The tiniest of smiles formed. He always loved Momma Richardson. Protecting him since he was only twelve years old after learning from his son about Nick’s home life. “She’s always loved me.”

“So do others.” She said gently. “Call Angel if you don’t want to go with any of the fellas. You know she’d happily ditch your other siblings in a second for a quiet Christmas with you. It’d be small but it’s better than being alone.”

He snorted. “I bet they’re having a happily fucked up Carter Christmas without me.”

He wasn’t completely wrong. Her lips pursed and her arms crossed over her small chest. She hated having to tell him things he should know about his own family. “Leslie’s spending it with your mom and Mike.”

“And the others?” He prompted.

“Yes, Bob invited BJ, Aaron, and Angel to have Christmas with him and his family. Angel’s not happy about the idea, Aaron’s been trying to talk her into it.”

Dad’s new family, my replacements, Nick couldn’t help but think. Bob had that new picturesque family with his new wife, her daughter and now one and a half year old Kanden. While he’d always known his mother was never right for his father with all their dysfunction, it still stung. He knew why Bob hadn’t invited him. After House of Carters he’d asked Nick for money to get some new house and sick of handing out cash, he’d been firm in saying no. “Lucky them.”

Grace took his Blackberry into her softly glowing hands. “Call her, call Kevin…actually call both.”

Kevin was a no. He wasn’t sure if he’d ever stop feeling so bitter and abandoned. “If I call Angel will you calm down?”

She smiled. “Not tonight but I might try being a little nicer.”

He sighed dramatically though deep down he didn’t hate the thought. “Fine, hand me the phone.”

It wasn’t much, but it was a start at least.

And enough to keep hope alive.
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