It was early; the sun was barely even rising as I crept stealthily across the grass wet with the morning dew. The quaint, two-story home, white with black shutters was dark and quiet and I slipped closer, shifting my eyes toward the neighbors and hoping no early risers would grow suspicious and call the police. Deeming myself safe at the moment, I weighed the small pebbles in my hand then took aim at the farthest window on the right and let one fly, hearing the ping as it struck the glass and bounced off.

After a slight pause, I flung another, waited a moment and did it once more. Taking aim with the last pebble, I hurled it up toward the window just as it was flung open and a face appeared, the tiny stone missing it by mere inches.

“Alex!” The woman hissed, jerking away from the flying stone then leaning out the window and glaring down at me.

I winced. Oops, that wasn’t the person I had been expecting or trying to rouse with the flying pebbles. “Sorry, Paige,” I called up to her. “I um…could have sworn that’s the room Evie was in.”

Paige sighed and shook her head, her blonde curls bobbing from the force. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

My shoulders dropped some at her words. “I uh…I know, but I can’t help it; I miss her like crazy and just wanted to see her.”

“You just saw her last night.”

I tugged on the brim of the ball cap I wore. “Yeah, but I still miss her and just wanted a little peek.”

Paige’s face relaxed some and then she smiled a real smile that accentuated the dimple in her left cheek. It resembled Evie’s smile so much that it made my gut ache and wish it was Eve and not Paige with her head out the window.

“Well,” she spoke up again, “as romantic as this whole thing is, you’re not gonna see her. You know it’s bad luck to see the bride before the wedding.”

“Oh, come on!” I pleaded. “I don’t believe any of that cockamamie bullshit.”

This time she laughed and shook her head again, those blonde curls brushing her cheeks. “That may be, but Eve does. So go home and get ready and you will see her this afternoon.”

I knew I wasn’t going to win this one, not when it came to Paige and her stubborn streak. “Fine,” I relented. “But give her a message for me? Tell her I miss her and I love her and can’t wait to see her and how beautiful she’s going to be.”

“I will.” Paige smiled again and I could tell even from the distance between us that her blue eyes were twinkling with amusement. “You go home and we’ll see you this afternoon.” Then she pointed a finger at me. “Don’t be late.”

I held my hands up; palms toward her to signal I wouldn’t then turned and jogged across the lawn to where my black SUV was parked alongside the curb. After unlocking it and climbing in behind the wheel, I sat there a moment. I had tried. I should have known Paige would be onto me and be ready to intercept any kind of interaction between us. Bet if I called Eve’s phone, she’d be the one answering. But can’t blame a guy for trying and that’s what I’d done.

I just hadn’t been able to help myself. Usually Eve is beside me, in my arms as we sleep, but last night after the rehearsal dinner, she’d been carted off to her sister’s place and I was left alone in our home; alone the night before the biggest day of my life and I’d spent it tossing and turning and longing to have her with me.

Eve Noelle White was the calming force in my chaotic life; the lighthouse with that strong beam to guide your way out on a raging sea. In the midst of craziness she was my rock and she’d been my salvation.

I had met Eve at the party of a mutual friend back in June of 2009. Immediately I was attracted to her stunning good looks; golden blonde hair that fell in ringlets down her back and blue eyes so crisp and icy blue they made shivers run down my spine. Her skin looked so creamy and smooth and my fingers were itching to just touch her within the first five minutes. But it was her smile that kicked my heart up a notch; one that lit up her entire face and I could just tell what a beautiful and genuine person she was. And then when she laughed, it danced around in my head and stayed with me long after I had departed.

I think I was in love with her that first night. That first five minutes, in fact. But she didn’t seem too interested. She chatted with me casually at the party, but turned down my offer to dance and then moved off to visit with some of her friends. I didn’t want to seem like a stalker and keep following her around, so I had bided my time then “accidentally” run into her again in the kitchen. This time, we got to talk a little bit more in depth about our careers and where we grew up; all those conversations you have when you first meet someone and want to know more about them.

When I finally suggested we exchange numbers, she smiled a smile that made my heart melt then told me she didn’t think it’d be a good idea, but it had been a pleasure to meet me. I had to watch her disappear back into the crowd with hurt pride and a crushed spirit. It wasn’t often that I was turned down, but it was an even bigger blow coming from this girl; someone that I already felt so strongly about in such a short amount of time.

It took four days before I was finally able to convince my pal who’d thrown the party to get me her number. Then I found out where she worked. She owned a chic little clothing store that catered to the hip and trendy and solely to women. It wasn’t a big place and I was relieved to see her there the first time I showed up. She was surprised to see me that first day and the following and the following. By the fourth day she had come to expect it and finally agreed to have lunch.

Best date of my life. Even if it was only an hour and we ended up at a little sandwich shop down the street from her shop. Our conversation was so easy and by the time the hour was up, I already felt like I’d known her most of my life. I was on cloud nine as I escorted her back to the store and was determined not to let her out of my sight until she had agreed to see me again. Luckily it didn’t take as much convincing the second time around and she finally agreed to dinner and a movie. I think I floated all the way to my SUV and don’t even remember the drive home.

Our second date was nearly as great as the first. I brought her flowers and opened doors for her, even pulling out her chair at dinner. By the time we got to the theater she was fully relaxed and even let me hold her hand during the movie. I knew by the time I drove her home and walked her to the front door and she squeezed my hand then stood on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek, I was completely in love with this girl.

After that night, most would say the rest is history, but it didn’t quite turn out that way for us. Eve wasn’t like any of the other girls I’d dated. She wasn’t the kind of girl who would let someone walk over her, or lead her along, or mess with her head or heart. She told me upfront on our fifth date that she wouldn’t stay with a guy that cheated on her, or played games. And on our seventh date I found out she wasn’t about to put up with any man’s bullshit. She guarded her heart closely and kept a clear head about everything. I wasn’t invited into her place until date ten and even then it didn’t go any farther then some kissing on the couch.

This had been the longest I’d gone without getting intimate with a woman, and sometimes I did wonder why I was waiting and sticking around a girl that didn’t seem intent on giving it up anytime soon. But then I’d see her smile, or she’d catch my hand and intertwine our fingers, or I’d get a whiff of her shampoo and my heart would be tripping all over itself. It was in those moments that I knew I’d wait forever if that’s what it took. Sometimes I thought I needed her more than I needed sex and that would make me go ‘what the fuck’, but just one look into those clear blue eyes and everything felt right in the World.

As June melded into July then July into August, I would say things were going really well for us. I wasn’t seeing anyone else and I knew she wasn’t either, so I considered us exclusive. She introduced me to her family sometime in mid August and that’s when I think things started to go downhill.

It was her niece’s first birthday party and I could definitely feel the pressure to live up to the expectations her family had of me. But that pressure increased tenfold once I met everyone and I left the party wondering how I was going to be everything they all expected. Her family was as close to perfection as any family could be. Her parents had been married for over 30 years, her older sister, a nurse, was happily married to a doctor with a one year old little girl. Her younger sister had just graduated top honors in college and was going to start her masters program that fall (something with criminal justice), and her brother was on a full ride to the University of Kentucky in academics and basketball.

How do you even come close to any of that? Sure, I was a world famous musician and rich and successful in the industry, but I don’t think any of that mattered to her parents. Her family was wholesome and loving and could have been in a 50’s TV show it was so by the book. I imagined they were like the Walton’s every night; Goodnight, Ben, Goodnight, Jim-Bob, Goodnight, Ellen. I had never been surrounded by a family that had so much love and respect and support and admiration for each other. And it was definitely more than a little overwhelming.

I think that’s when I started to slip. I began to think that maybe I wasn’t good enough for Eve and she deserved some lawyer or doctor or successful businessman that would match her family better. She deserved a guy who didn’t have a semi truck full of issues trailing along behind him or one with as sordid a past as I had. Eve didn’t even know about all of my past. There were some things I had told her about; a few horrible relationships, what happened with my father and my history with alcoholism. But there was more I was keeping from her; more really horrible relationships, just how severe my alcoholism was, the fact that I wasn’t completely sober, how I would handle relationships and that I cheated on every single girlfriend. I felt like I would lose her if she found out and that wasn’t something I was ready to face yet.

But the more I thought about her family and what Eve deserved the more I wondered what could I give her that someone better than me couldn’t? Maybe we weren’t meant to be together and then I began to question why she was even with me in the first place. Had I guilted her into it showing up every day at her work until she finally agreed to see me? Did she feel sorry for me and go out with me out of pity? Was she feeling obligated to date me? Those questions ran through my head every day, but I was too afraid to voice them. So instead, I began to drink a little more and then one day I started up again with the weed. It was just easier to lose myself in those vices then think about the situation at hand.

I think Eve noted a difference in me. Sometimes she would just look at me like she was trying to search inside my soul. Other times she’d come right out and ask what was going on? Was I feeling okay? Was there something I needed to tell her? But I’d play dumb every time. I think I had myself convinced she belonged to someone better so I was subconsciously trying to drive her away. Something I now realized that I did quite often with women. But at the time, I was only trying to make myself feel better and quiet the voices inside of me that were telling me what a fuck up I was.

Things didn’t improve between us as August melted into September. We still hadn’t been intimate on the level that I would have liked, and with my weird behavior, I knew it wouldn’t be happening soon. And for the first time since I’d met her, I was seriously considering looking for it elsewhere. Which I knew would end it between us, but my mindset at the time was that I wanted it so I was gonna find it. And if she got mad, then I’d talk her into forgiving me and promise never to do it again. I’d been able to convince her to go out with me, how hard could it be to convince her not to leave me? After all, I’d been able to with every other girlfriend.

But I discovered it was a lot harder than I ever imagined. That day came; Tuesday, September 15th of 2009. Earlier in the day, Eve had told me that she’d had some family obligation thing she had to do, so she wouldn’t see me until Wednesday. So I had called over some buddies of mine, and a few women, and set up a poker game. There was beer, wine, pot and women and about 9 o’clock, Eve came into the house.

I remember it like it was yesterday. She stood there in the doorway to the family room and stared at us as I took a hit from a joint. With it still to my lips, I froze and watched her like a deer caught in headlights. My heart was suddenly hammering so loud in my chest I was sure it was filling the room. One of my buddies was getting head under the table and I was supposed to be next and I remember thinking ‘oh shit, so glad Traci isn’t down there yet’. Then Eve’s eyes met mine and my heart fell clear into my toes. The look on her face, one of complete shock and disappointment and utter disgust, sliced through me and I felt like shit, worse than shit would even feel like. Like I had just ruined her entire life and broken her into millions of pieces.

No one spoke as she stared at me, no one even moved. It was like time was standing still and the entire moment was teetering on the edge of a high cliff ready to pitch off the side and shatter into smithereens on the jagged rocks below. I remember slowly reaching and setting the joint into an ashtray and trying to think of something, anything to say to her to make all of this okay, but all I could think and feel was that I was destroying her and a golf ball size lump was growing in my throat.

Eve spoke first. She watched me with a look filled with heartbreak and disappointment and I wanted to crawl into a hole. Then she opened her beautiful mouth and tore my heart in two, “You’re not the Alex I fell in love with.” her words jolted me because up until now we’d never uttered those words out loud. “You’re so much better than this. So much better,” she had managed out as her voice cracked. Then she turned and walked out the door and out of my life.

I didn’t know what to say or do. I was frozen in the chair, half of me wanting to run after her, but unable to move and knowing it would just cause more hurt, pain and a big argument. So I let her go and felt what little bit of self respect and strength inside of me slipping away.

I looked to the table, to all the beer bottles and wine glasses, to the rolled joints and smoke that was seeping from the end, and then over to my friends who were watching me with looks I couldn’t quite explain. Traci touched my leg and told me not to worry about Eve, that it was for the better and that she could help me forget all about it.

Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach and absolutely disgusted with myself and my behavior. I wanted them gone, every single one of them. I was horrified at how I’d been acting and what Eve had walked in on and I rose to my feet and told them to get the hell out, and to take their beer and pot with them. I wanted to turn the table over and destroy all evidence of what had been transpiring. Instead, I grabbed some large garbage bags and swiped them off the table and into the trash. I got rid of every beer bottle, wine bottle, any and all traces of alcohol. Then I did the same with the pot, so thankful at that moment that I hadn’t allowed one guy to bring some crack like he had wanted to.

After purging the toxins from my house, I sat on my bed, shaking and feeling like my life was being sucked away and I was going to end up with nothing. I already had a gaping hole inside of me that I’d been trying to fill with alcohol and drugs and random casual sex. Eve had started to fill that hole, but then I met her family and knew I’d never be good enough for her. It had worked, my self sabotage; I had sent her running because she deserved much better and that was the only way I knew to handle it.

Every time my eyes closed that look on her face that cut me in two was before them; such utter heartbreak and disappointment. And her words continued to ring in my ears over and over. I was better than this. I wasn’t the man she had fallen in love with. She was in love with me and she believed in me. And I loved that woman like nothing else. I didn’t want to lose her and spend the rest of my life feeling this way; trying to fill the empty hole with meaningless shit and toxic things.

And in that moment I knew that I needed Eve more than I needed another drop of alcohol or a puff from a joint or even meaningless sex. And if I was going to get her back then I needed to stop being a douche and I needed to get the help I’d been trying to avoid for so many years. She wasn’t naïve and she wasn’t going to let some man spin her tales or pull the wool over her eyes. If I was going to get her back then I had to prove myself and show her that I could be the Alex she had fallen for, that I was going to be that Alex again and stay that way.

And so the following day, September 16th of 2009 I entered rehab. In-patient for 60 days, not just the usual 30 I had done twice previously. This time, more than ever before, I was determined to beat these demons and overcome. My ultimate goal; to be clean and healthy and have Eve at my side for the rest of my life. I kept a picture of her tucked in the back of my Bible and every night before I’d fall to sleep, I’d pull it out and look it over, thinking about the day I’d be out of here and I could really, truly show her that I was that man she wanted and needed.

And that’s close to how it happened. I was discharged on November, 16th and Eve was waiting in the lobby for me. I had been expecting my mom and was more than a little surprised when it was Eve who showed up to take me home. We took a long drive then found a little place that overlooked a beach and sat in the car, talking about anything and everything that had happened between us.

There had been one day during my treatment that Eve had come to the facility. It was for a therapy session and part of my healing. It had been rather therapeutic and being able to finally be truly real and open up to her had released something in me and now seated in her black Ford Fusion with just the two of us, I didn’t have any fear of being rejected and we were able to have a real, open and honest conversation.

I don’t think either of us held anything back. I told her every detail of my sordid past, what had happened that made me spiral downward again after meeting her family and how she had helped save me. She told me how proud she was of me, about her fears, her wants and desires and her feelings toward me. It was the longest and most emotional conversation I’d ever had, but afterward I felt like I was so close to that light at the end of the tunnel and that she would soon be in my arms again.

In the end, we decided that we would start over. The past was the past and that’s where it would stay and we would have a fresh, new beginning. I was determined to make this work even if that meant working harder than ever before for as long as it took.

And that’s what I did; every single day. And in the end it paid off handsomely. Her family fell in love with me, Eve and I maintained a happy and healthy relationship, I had no fears or worries about messing around on her or screwing our relationship up. For the first time in my entire life I was confident and happy with myself, which in turn let me be confident and happy in my relationship.

The months passed with ease and every day I found myself looking forward to the next one and what it might hold. My struggles with my sobriety were far from over, but with my beautiful angel at my side, I was able to stay strong and overcome the obstacles that appeared before me. It was October of 2010 when Eve moved in with me. And after requesting permission from her father, who gave it wholeheartedly, I asked her to marry me on Christmas Eve. And now, here we are, nearly ten months later on September 10th, 2011 and it was our wedding day.

Life couldn’t get any better and I just could not wait to start on this next journey with her.

Drifting back into real time from my reverie, I realized I should probably start for home before Paige came racing out of the house to scold me some more. I’m pretty sure she was watching me like a hawk and timing how long I had been sitting there. I loved my soon to be sister-in-law despite her quirks, stubborn streak and all and I couldn’t wait until we were all officially a family. Being able to call her parents, mom and dad, her sisters, my sisters and her brother, my brother was a day I had been waiting for, for a long, long time now.

With a grin tugging at the corner of my mouth, I started up the SUV then pulled away from the curb and headed for home.

~*~*~*~*~

I had just arrived in my driveway when my cell phone rang. I parked before my closed garage door then grabbed it up from the passenger seat. I was hoping it was Eve and she’d been able to sneak away from Paige long enough for a quick phone call, but upon seeing my attorney’s name on the screen, my brows drew together. Why would he be calling me? He had been invited to the wedding, but if he was unable to make it, why would he call me? Do guests call the groom if they are suddenly unable to attend on the day of? Had something else happened?

Accepting the call, I held the phone to my ear and greeted him, “Morning, Brett. What can I do for you?”

Brett McAllister, my attorney of quite a few years and someone I knew I could trust with all my secrets, responded with a hello of his own and asked how my day was going so far.

We chatted small talk a moment then I shifted my eyes toward the phone, slipping from my SUV and heading for the front door. “Something up, Brett? You’re still able to come to the wedding, right?”

“The wife and I will be there,” I could hear his smile through the phone. Then he grew serious and cleared his throat. “Um, there is something I need to discuss with you though and I didn’t think the wedding would really be the appropriate place to do that.”

I unlocked my front door and stepped into the house, feeling the cool air greet me. Shutting the door behind me, I tossed the keys over onto a side table and slipped my shoes off. “What’s going on? This isn’t about any prenup is it? I thought we already discussed that.”

“No, it’s not about a prenup,” Brett’s voice came gravely through the line. He hesitated a moment then continued, “It’s a little more serious than that.”

I felt my heart pause in its beating for just a quick moment. “What’s it about?”

“Are you alone?”

I could feel the hairs standing up on the back of my neck. “I am.” I started down the hall toward my office, feeling every nerve prickling with anticipation. “What the hell is going on here, man? You’re starting to freak me out.”

“Well,” I could hear the hesitation in his voice and it made a cold chill spread through my body.

“What?”

And then as I entered into my office and closed the door, Brett finally explained his reason for calling; a reason that would split the floor wide beneath me, a reason that would knock my heart around in my chest and steal the air from my lungs, a reason that would change my life, my entire future, forever.

Luke White was the first groomsmen to arrive at my place just before 11 that morning. He was the baby in the White family and at 22 had just graduated college from The University of Kentucky with a degree in business, though due to his unbelievable skills on the basketball court, he’d soon be playing in the NBA after having been recently drafted.

Luke was tall, like 6’4 tall, and thin with long arms and big hands perfect for a professional basketball player. He had a head full of blond hair so light it looked a shade off of white and when he smiled, a row of perfectly white teeth gleamed at you. With his dark blue eyes and dazzling grin, he was a favorite of the ladies and was sure to become a success both on and off the court. And as Eve’s baby brother, he was one of my groomsmen.

I let him into the house and he greeted me with the grin that had made him famous in college ball. “Sup, bro.”

I shut the door behind him. “Not much. How ya’ doin’?”

Luke gave a nod and set his duffle bag to the side and out of the way. “Doing real good.” He arched his brows my way. “I hear you made an early morning wake up call. Or at least tried to.”

I made a little face. “I just wanted to see her. Is that so wrong?”

“Of course not,” the tall blond shrugged some, “but you shoulda known Paige would be gunning for ya and be prepared.”

I snorted. “Whatever. But um hey,” wetting my bottom lip I felt my heart kick up a notch, “you think you might could help me get ahold of Eve?”

My almost brother-in-law eyed me cautiously. “Paige warned me you might try to use me. You know I can’t do that.”

“I know, but I really need to talk to her.” I was trying really hard not to sound alarmed or worried or panicked, but Brett’s words were still echoing in my ears and I desperately needed to talk to my fiancée.

“Dude,” he put a large hand on my shoulder and gave it a friendly squeeze, “you’ll have plenty of time to talk to her after you say ‘I do’.”

I realized that, but I needed to talk to her now. My attorney’s words were hanging heavy on my heart and I knew I couldn’t go into a marriage without talking about it with her first. “Look,” I tried to watch Luke as seriously as I could, but without alarming him. No one but Eve needed to know what was going on, “normally I would agree with you, but…I really do need to talk to her.”

Suddenly his blue eyes narrowed. “You’re not getting cold feet, are you?”

“No,” I shook my head vehemently, “not at all.” Truth be told, the thought hadn’t even crossed my mind, maybe it was because I was too preoccupied with much more pressing matters.

Luke relaxed at that and slapped my shoulder, which with his strength propelled me a few feet away from where I had originally been standing. “Then it can’t be anything that can’t wait till after the wedding.”

I rubbed my now sore shoulder and frowned. Maybe if Luke wouldn’t help me, I could enlist one of my other groomsmen.

But the opportunity never arose and when I tried to mention it to one of the other guys, I basically got the same response as I did from Luke. And then things got busy and the photographer and assistant to our wedding planner arrived and it got chaotic for a bit.

Before I knew it, we were dressed and polished up and being sent off in a white Hummer limo toward the venue where the wedding was being held and I still hadn’t gotten to talk to Eve. It made my heart race and throat threaten to close up as I thought about not getting to speak with her before the ceremony.

When we reached the venue, which was a beautiful historical mansion surrounded by flowers and ornately designed hedges and fountains and even a labyrinth, I was whisked to one room figuring Eve was on the opposite side of the building.

Pacing back and forth in the groom’s dressing room, I fiddled with the phone in my hand. I should try to call her; maybe I’d get lucky and she’d be the one to answer. Holding my breath, I pushed the memory for her phone and held mine to my ear, waiting with baited breath as it rang. And rang and rang and rang then went to voicemail. Damnit.

I lowered the phone then tossed it over in the corner with my stuff. I had to get out of here and find her. Glancing around, I announced that I needed to step outside a minute for a quick smoke. No one seemed concerned about that, so I slipped out into the hall, keeping my eyes peeled for signs of anyone who might keep me from my bride.

On a hunch, I crossed over the rear foyer and headed for the narrow, back staircase. She had to be upstairs somewhere and I was determined to see her. I really should have known Paige would position guards outside the bride’s dressing room and later I would have to thank my sister-in-law for her ingenious thinking, because one of those guards just happened to be my own mother. A big round of applause for Paige.

My mom spotted me as I cleared the landing and I think she nearly started to cry. “Oh, Alex,” she breathed out as she left her position and approached me. “You look so handsome!”

Paige had thought that my mother might be a good deterrent, but I might just be able to pull a fast one and use this to my advantage. “Thank you, Mom,” I smoothed my tuxedo jacket then leaned and kissed her cheek. “And you look absolutely stunning.” I took her hands in mine and looked her over; admiring the deep mauve gown she was decked out in and how it complimented her green eyes and red hair. Next to Eve, my mother was the most beautiful woman on Earth.

“I can’t believe you’re getting married today.” Her eyes started to mist up and she withdrew a tissue from her handbag, using it to catch any stray tears. “I’m just so proud of you.”

Her words made my own eyes want to grow damp, but I held them at bay. “Thank you, Mom. That means a lot coming from you.” And I pulled her into a hug, holding her tight for a moment.

When we separated, her cheeks were damp and she gave a half laugh-half cry sound and wiped at them. “I’m trying not to think about it like I’m losing my son. I’m doing my best to think that I’m gaining a daughter.”

“That’s right.” I kissed her forehead and squeezed her shoulder. “And speaking of daughter,” I wet my bottom lip and felt my heart start that beat it did when I got slightly panicked, “do you think you could get Eve to come out here for just a minute?” I spoke again quickly as I saw that familiar look of disapproval in her eyes, “Just really quick, Mom. I really need to speak with her.”

“Alex,” she sighed some, “you know I can’t do that. Paige specifically asked me to keep you away from Eve.”

I gave a sound of protest in my throat. “Mom, it’s really, really important.”

My mother watched me with her green eyes, a look of concern appearing. “Is everything okay? You’re not…getting cold feet are you?”

Why did everyone think that because I needed to talk to my fiancée, I was going to call the whole thing off? “No, Mom, it’s got nothing to do with the wedding. Please, go ask her to come out here.”

“Is something wrong?” She touched my arm. “You know you can talk to me, Son.”

I debated it for a very brief moment. It would be easy to spill to my mom and finally get it off my chest. I think at that moment telling anyone might just help ease my mind and make me feel better. But then I decided against it. No, Eve is the first person I needed to tell. Then together, we could tell my mom. Besides, knowing my mother, she’d have it posted on her Facebook before the wedding even started. Love her to death, but she just cannot keep a secret.

“No,” I finally shook my head, “nothing’s wrong, I just need to see Eve.”

“What are you doing up here?”

We both turned to find Carli White, Eve’s younger sister, standing just outside of the bride’s dressing room. Paige, Eve and Luke had all gotten their mother’s blond hair and fair looks while Carli was blessed with her father’s genes. She was beautiful in her own way with long raven colored hair that was currently piled atop her head, stray locks framing her heart shaped face and olive colored skin. Though the most fascinating feature about the slender woman were her gray eyes as round as two quarters and had the habit of changing shades depending on what color she was wearing. At this moment they had a hint of purple to match the wine colored maid of honor gown she was dressed in.

“I was looking for my mom,” I answered with. I didn’t need someone else chastising me for trying to see Eve.

Carli eyed me warily. “You’re supposed to be downstairs.”

“And he’s going right now.” My mother turned me toward the stairs and patted my shoulder. “Everything is going to be just fine, honey. I’ll see you downstairs.”

I sighed and reluctantly followed the trail I’d taken up to the second floor. Frustration was screaming through me and if I didn’t care about pissing people off, I would have barged right past everyone and flung the door open to find Eve myself. That was the old Alex. The Alex I was now just hunched his shoulders and retreated, trying to follow the ‘pre wedding’ rules the best he could.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get another chance to try to see Eve. As soon as I was downstairs I was swarmed and whisked off for more pre ceremony photographs and last minute reminders from the wedding planner.

Everything was pretty much a blur after that. The guests had been arriving and taken their seats out in the large garden which had been done up with coral, red and wine colored roses, the music was playing, the minister joined my groomsmen and myself in a quick prayer then led us out to the front of the aisle where we would wait and watch the bridesmaids and my fiancée join us.

And then the ceremony was starting and the anxiety in my chest was becoming full blown panic. Sweat dotted my upper lip and I clenched my hands into tight fists. This was my wedding, I was supposed to be enjoying it and savoring every part, but I was so close to having a panic attack that later, I wouldn’t remember a damn thing.

How could I get married and promise to spend my life with someone, promise not to harbor any secrets when one the size of a damn elephant was sitting on my chest? This wasn’t the way to start a marriage. I needed to, no, more like desperately had to, talk to Eve.

And the moment would finally present itself. Eve had come down the aisle with her father, the ivory colored, strapless, ball gown type wedding dress fit her like a glove and made her radiate with the excitement and love she was feeling. It had taken every ounce of strength inside of me not to rush to meet her halfway down. Just seeing her, those vibrant blue eyes meeting mine and suddenly a sense of calmness swept through me. I was finally able to breathe again and when she joined me and her father presented her hand and I took it in mine, peace just melted over me and chased the anxiety away.

After a short prayer and the guests were seated, the minister looked to Eve and myself and spoke about the sanctity of marriage and what it meant and how it was to be honored and held with the utmost love and affection. I tried to listen, I honestly did, and while I felt a lot more calm, the information Brett had shared with me was making my chest feel heavy and I knew that I needed to talk to her before I said ‘I do’.

And that’s exactly when the moment came.

The minister, a man by the name of Reverend Fuller, (he was the minister of the church the White’s had been attending for years) turned to me after one of Eve’s cousin’s finished a reading on love and marriage and had taken his seat again.

“Alexander,” he began, meeting my eyes with his calm brown ones. “Do you take Eve to be your wedded wife, and in the presence of these witnesses do you vow that you will do everything in your power to make your love for her a growing part of your life? Will you continue to strengthen it from day to day and week to week with your best resources? Will you stand by her in sickness or in health, in poverty or in wealth, and will you shun all others and keep yourself to her alone as long as you both shall live?”

I wet my bottom lip and felt the pulse in my neck throbbing. It was now or never. If I wanted to go into this marriage the way Reverend Fuller was describing we were supposed to be, then I had to do something now.

My hesitation was noticed because Eve’s brows drew slightly together and the reverend spoke again, “Alexander?”

I glanced out to the sea of faces watching us then to my beautiful bride. She looked more than slightly worried. “Um...I need to talk to you,” I spoke in a half whisper.

“What?” She frowned some in confusion.

“I need to talk to you,” I repeated a bit louder, giving her hands a squeeze. “In private.” I was pretty sure her heart was beating as hard and loud as my own with what I could possibly need to discuss with her.

“Alex…” she watched me for a moment and glanced toward the reverend.

He looked as confused as she did. “Um, normally you just say ‘I do’.”

“I know, and I will,” I added quickly, “I promise. But…I … I have to talk to Eve first.”

He waved a hand and I thanked him then turned to our guests. “We’ll be right back.” Then I gently tugged her along with me and over to where a small, but quaint, garden shed was. The door was unlocked, thankfully, and I pulled her inside with me and closed it behind us, shutting the entire wedding scene out and leaving just the two of us alone, finally.

“Alex, what is going on?” She questioned me the minute the outside world was shut out.

I looked away from the gardening tools and lawn machines that were housed here and to her beautiful face. “I love you so much.” I touched her cheek.

Eve drew back slightly puzzled. “What’s happening here?”

Suddenly I was scared, afraid to tell her what I’d been trying to tell her since I got the phone call. What if it freaked her out and she called the entire thing off? How could I get through this without her by my side? “You love me, right?”

“Of course I love you,” she motioned a hand toward the door, “today’s our wedding day. Now tell me what’s going on.”

“I have to tell you something.”

Her normally calm and radiant blue eyes were filled with concern and a bit of fear. “…What?”

I could tell she was bracing herself for something horrible. I took her hands with both of mine and gave them a firm squeeze, feeling that nervous rush of anxiety building in my chest. “I…um…my lawyer called me this morning…”

Eve blinked, her long, dark lashes brushing her cheeks. “You…is this about a prenup?”

“No.” I shook my head and lifted her hands to kiss her palms. “It’s about something completely different.”

“Is it about marrying me? You…you do want to marry me, right? We…we have hundreds of guests out there and…and do you realize the money we spent on everything? You can’t just-”

I silenced her ramblings with a firm kiss to her lips, holding her cheek with one hand. Once we separated, I held her face close to mine and met her eyes. “Yes, I want to marry you. I just…” I released her and took a step back. “I just have to tell you something and I had to do it before we got married.”

“Okay,” she spoke slowly with a bit of confusion.

“Okay,” I echoed her and nodded my head. “Don’t say anything, just listen, alright?”

She nodded she would and I ran a hand over my face then spoke again, “Okay, so, like I said…my lawyer called me this morning.” I took a little breath, working up that courage, then continued, “And he had some news for me. There’s um, there’s still some…work and um…well you’ll see what I mean once I explain-”

This time it was Eve who interrupted me, “Alex, take a breath and just tell me. It’s okay.” She reached and took my hand, giving it an encouraging squeeze. “Unless you’ve been messing around on me or something, I can handle it.”

I blew a puff of air from between my lips and nodded. “Right. Okay.” I met her eyes and found the strength to continue, “Brett told me he’d gotten a call from some attorney in Ohio. It seems there was this woman…a Melody Porter…and she passed away from breast cancer a few weeks ago. She had just turned thirty.”

My soon to be wife’s eyes widened then sadness filled them. “Oh gosh, that’s so sad.” Then she paused. “But what does that have to do with you?”

And here came the bombshell. “She left behind two girls; twins. And um… in the will reading…she said that I was the father.” I didn’t realize how hard my heart was pounding until the words were out of my mouth and then I suddenly felt light headed.

Eve just watched me then her brows drew together. “Twins?”

I wet my bottom lip, looked around for a place to sit then moved and sank down onto a stool. The top hat on my head felt heavy and I realized I was sweating. “They’re…four years old. Of course,” I found myself quickly coming up with excuses, “we don’t know for sure they’re really mine. She could have made the whole thing up, but Brett said it’d be a good idea to go ahead and do a DNA test to find out for sure.”

“Twins?” My fiancée repeated herself, not having moved from her spot. It was like she hadn’t heard a word I’d said.

“Yeah.” I forced myself to stop rambling and watched her. “Identical.”

“I-” she opened her mouth, closed it again and pressed her lips together then tried once more. “The mom died and left in her will that you’re the father? And now they want you to take care of them?”

“Pretty much.” I rubbed the back of my neck; it was feeling tight from all the tension. “She um…said that she knew she was dying and that she wanted the father to have the opportunity to take care of her girls. But, that if I didn’t want to then they’d go into state custody.”

Eve opened her mouth to respond, but a soft knock on the door stopped her and Paige stuck her head in the room. “Um…everything okay in here?” She looked more than a little curious as to what was going on.

“Everything’s fine.” Eve waved her hand at her. “We just need a few more minutes. We’ll be out soon and please apologize to the guests for us.”

Paige looked like she wanted to say something, but held her tongue. She nodded then slipped back out and shut the door behind her.

Once she was gone, Eve turned back to me. “Why would they go into state custody? Why couldn’t one of this woman’s family members take care of them?”

And now came the heartbreaking part, as if what had happened wasn’t bad enough. “She doesn’t have any family. She’s not married, doesn’t have any siblings and no one who knew her even knows if her parents are alive or dead. It was just her and the girls.”

“Not even any friends?”

I drew up a shoulder. “I guess not good enough ones if she chose to leave them in state care if I don’t want them.”

And then Eve’s eyes filled with sorrow. “Those poor babies, oh no, Alex.” And she fanned her hands at her eyes. “I can’t cry I’ll ruin my makeup.”

I found the strength in my legs and rose, crossing the room to her and pulling her into my arms. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ll do the test and we’ll find out for sure if I’m really the father.”

“Do you think you are?” Her teary blue eyes looked up at me with such trust it made my heart ache.

“I don’t know,” was all I could think to reply with. I had been racking my brain again and again trying to remember that name; Melody Porter, but to no avail. And if it had happened, it had been years ago and who knows the kind of mental state I had been in at the time. All we could do was the test then sit and wait for the results, hoping for the best either way.

“Alright,” Eve pulled back after a moment and smoothed her dress, “I’m okay.” She reached and took my hand. “Are you okay?”

“I don’t know,” I replied with honestly. “I have so much going through my head at the moment that I’m trying to process. I feel like it might explode from it all. I just knew I had to tell you before we got married, something like this…I couldn’t go into a marriage without telling you first.”

“I’m sure and I appreciate that. I feel the same way” She kissed the back of my hand then held it to her cheek. “I really want to talk about this and figure this all out, but we have a large number of people on the other side of that door waiting for us.”

“I know.” I sighed some and watched her with a grateful expression. “So the news isn’t scaring you off?”

A small grin tugged at her lips. “No, baby, it’s for better or worse. We’ll talk and get it all sorted out tonight, but right now, how ‘bout we go back out there and finish our wedding?”

I could have kissed her. I loved that woman and wanted to shout it from the mountain tops. Instead, I leaned in, brushed my lips lightly over hers then took her hand in my own. “Alright, let’s go get married.”

She smiled then we headed from the building to do just that.

The rest of the ceremony went off without a hitch. And the reception that followed was the best party of my entire life. The dancing and laughing and spending time with close family and friends was something I would never forget. We had our first dance to ‘No Ordinary Love’ by the Deftones then a meal fit for a king, followed with lots of fun letting loose on the dance floor. Cutting the cake was a treasure in itself until Eve smashed some in my face and I think I thoroughly embarrassed her to no end when I took her garter off with my teeth. The single ladies in the house nearly killed each other trying to get the bouquet and we both successfully kept our family from hounding us on our reason for the interlude in the garden shed. Now wasn’t the time to tell them. We still had to digest the news ourselves first.

Sometime well after midnight, we made our departure and took the Hummer limo to the hotel we would spend our wedding night at. The honeymoon suite of course with lots of candles and rose petals, soft music and sparkling cider. Neither one of us spoke a word in the limo about the situation; instead we reveled in our new marriage and made out like horny teenagers.

Once at the hotel, I carried her off the elevator, down the hall to the room and let her swipe the keycard. Then I pushed the door open with my foot and carried her across the threshold. Setting her onto her feet, I kicked the door shut then looked my beautiful wife over, just feeling my heart brimming with the love I held for her.

“Mm,” I murmured as I drew her close then dipped my head and placed soft kisses along the side of her neck. “I should have carried you to the bed.”

She giggled softly and tossed my top hat then began to undo the buttons on the vest of my tuxedo. “I have to make a quick stop to the bathroom first.”

I slowly lifted my head and arched a brow. “Oh really?”

“Mhm,” her eyes danced and she pushed the vest off my shoulders, taking the jacket with it, “you sit tight and I will be right back.” Then winking at me, she turned and sashayed off in the direction of the bedroom that housed one of the biggest Jacuzzi tubs right in the room next to the bath.

I watched her go with a happy little grin and tossed the jacket and vest on the back of a chair. I slipped my shoes and socks off next then undid the cufflinks on my white shirt, the cuff buttons soon following then the buttons down the front of the shirt. Soon I was just in my dress pants and undershirt and when I looked up, Eve was strolling back into the room wearing the sexiest lingerie I’d ever seen her in. It made the temperature in my body shoot up about a hundred degrees and my mouth run dry.

“Tha…uh…wow,” I stammered out as I stared at her and the way the white lacey material accentuated her assets and teased me with strategic placement. It was enough for all the blood to rush from my body and pool in one specific area.

My wife smirked and did a sexy little pose. “I take it you like.”

“Oh, baby,” I grunted, “I love.”

“Good.” She wiggled her finger at me then turned and sauntered back into the bedroom. I followed along like an eager dog and once in the room, pounced to claim what was now rightfully mine.

The next few hours were spent lost in each other and solely each other. The shocking news I had shared with her, along with our family, friends and the entire day simply melted away. It was the two of us sharing a love and bond that no one could break. The feeling was pure ecstasy, euphoria and being that close, that intimate, heightened every sense. We were locked in a world made only for us and worshiping each other in a way that was intended for newlyweds.

Every time with Eve felt better than the previous and this time I felt like I was going to shatter into millions of pieces or careen out to another universe never to come back. It was glorious and delicious and I never wanted it to end, ever. But like all great and wonderful things, it eventually did and left us both breathless and flushed and holding each other close, hearts pounding and heads spinning.

Lying in the afterglow, I had to take a minute, or two, or four, to come back to myself. Eve was stretched against me with her head on my chest and her hair billowing around. I could smell the peaches from her shampoo and closed my eyes, trying to memorize this moment so I would never forget it.

In my arms, my wife gave a soft almost purr like sound and smoothed a hand down my chest to my tummy. “Mm s’good.”

I shivered and chuckled low at her slurred words. “Mhm indeed.” My own mouth felt thick.

She giggled then pressed her face to my chest, kissed it and rested her cheek back against my skin again. “I love you.”

I looked down to her and brushed some hair from her face. “I love you more than I can even begin to describe.”

“I hope we both live to be really old so we can have this feeling forever.”

I chuckled low and kissed her forehead. “I hope we have that, too.”

I felt Eve smile and then we both fell into that comfortable silence where no words are needed whatsoever.

“So,” she finally spoke up after a long moment had passed. I met her eyes and she touched my cheek with her fingertips. “Do you want to talk more about what you told me in the garden shed?”

“We probably should.”

“Do you not want to?”

“No,” I shook my head, “I do, I’m just not sure how I really feel about it, yet. My head is still trying to wrap about the possibility that I’m a father and that I have two little girls out there that have lost their mother.” My throat tightened a bit at that and I had to break eye contact with her.

Eve pushed up onto her elbow next to me. “I know it’s heartbreaking, baby, I really do. But there is a chance that you’re not the father.”

My eyes met hers. “But what if I am?” It came out softer than I had intended.

She pressed her lips together and smoothed her hand on my cheek. “Then we’ll get it figured out. We’ll talk to this attorney that contacted yours and see what’s going on and where the girls are now and…we’ll figure it out.”

“I want them.” I think I surprised her with that bold statement, hell, I surprised myself. But I couldn’t imagine letting the state take custody of my children and bouncing them from foster care to foster care. And if they were mine then they were my flesh and blood and what kind of father would I be if I ignored that. The thought nearly made my stomach churn. “If they’re mine then I want them with us.”

She watched me for a long moment without speaking then nodded and kissed my cheek. “Okay, if they’re yours then we’ll take them.”

That made me feel somewhat better and I gently tugged her back down and into my arms. “I don’t know when I’ll be able to get a DNA test done. We’re gonna be in The Seychelles for two weeks.” We were supposed to leave tomorrow in fact.

Eve snuggled as close to me as she could get. “Are you even going to be able to relax and enjoy yourself there for two whole weeks?”

In all honesty, probably not, but I didn’t want to tell her that and ruin our honeymoon. We both had been looking forward to it so much and now all I wanted was to do that damn DNA test and figure this out. A million questions were already racing through my mind about them, their situation and their mom and I was going to feel restless and on edge until they were all answered.

“Alex?”

I blinked and pulled from my thoughts to look at her face. “Sorry, and do you want my honest reply?”

“Of course.”

I let my fingers smooth through her hair. “I probably won’t be able to relax enough. Not that I don’t want to be with you and celebrate our marriage…but the whole situation is going to be weighing so heavily on me that I won’t be able to enjoy myself. And in turn, you won’t be able to enjoy me or yourself or the entire experience.”

She nodded at that, watching her fingers as they traced over my chest. “So, you want to postpone the honeymoon.”

It came out more like a statement than a question and I felt a twinge in my heart at the bit of disappointment that was evident in her voice. “I…I do, I’m sorry,” I whispered out suddenly feeling like the most horrible man on the planet.

“For how long?”

How was I supposed to answer that? “Well, I guess it depends on what the test results are.”

“Right.” Eve nodded some then pushed herself up. “I need to use the bathroom.”

I watched her slip from the bed then stroll completely nude into the bathroom, the door closing behind her. With a sigh, my head fell back into the pillow. Well, what a way to ruin a wonderful day and even better night. Not even married twelve hours and already my wife was upset with me.

What’s a guy to do in a situation like I’m in? I just couldn’t see myself on the other side of the world enjoying myself. I’d get over there and not be able to stop thinking about the girls and their deceased mother and where they were and who was watching them and if I was their father. Two weeks of agonizing and worrying and wondering before I’d be able to return for the DNA test. And then have to wait two more weeks to get the results. Maybe even longer, depending on how rushed they could make it. I couldn’t take all this pressure and worry for another month. Hell, I could hardly handle it for one day.

But knowing how disappointed Eve was pained me. She had really been looking forward to the escape and exclusivity the islands had to offer. And I didn’t have an answer on when we would be able to actually do it, because if I was the dad…then we were going to suddenly have two little four year olds in our lives. What if we never got to go on our honeymoon? Was that something she’d be able to overlook or work past? I was going to have to do something big and super special to make it up to her. What a way to start a marriage, huh?

When Eve rejoined me a few moments later, she was wrapped in the terrycloth robe the hotel provided. I watched her slip back into the bed and pull the covers up over her. “Are you sleeping in that?”

She settled into the bed on her back. “Mhm.”

Okay, she was definitely annoyed with me. “Why?”

“Because it’s comfy.” Then she shifted to her side and I got a good view of her back.

I closed my eyes and took a breath to make sure I didn’t say the wrong thing and start a big argument. Not something I wanted to remember on our wedding night. “Eve,” slowly I shifted under the blanket with her and sidled up to her back, smoothing my arm around her waist and drawing her body to mine, “please don’t be mad at me.”

“I’m trying not to be, but I really can’t help how I feel,” came her somber reply.

That made my heart twist and I pressed a kiss to the back of her head. “I’m sorry,” I apologized with raw emotion in my voice. “I’m sorry I’m ruining our honeymoon.”

“It’s not your fault,” she replied and I was sure I could hear tears in her voice.

“It kinda is. I mean, if they’re mine then …. I should have been able to keep it in my pants. If I had then none of this would be happening.” I wet my bottom lip some and studied the back of her head. “And if they’re not mine then we’re going to go on the best honeymoon there ever is. Maybe make it three weeks.”

Eve chuckled low and shifted her arm and I was sure she was wiping her cheeks. “What are we gonna tell everyone?”

That thought hadn’t crossed my mind until now. What were we going to tell everyone. There was no excuse on why we couldn’t make the honeymoon. My schedule was clear for the next month and Eve had the time off work; hell, she owned the company, she could do whatever she wanted. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, was going to want to know why we were staying home instead of celebrating our marriage out in the beautiful islands of The Seychelles.

“I…have no idea,” I finally responded with after a moment of thinking it over.

She sighed and shifted to her back, her teary eyes meeting my face. “I know this may sound selfish of me…but I was really looking forward to finally being the most important thing in your life. And now….well,” she shrugged some, “if you’re the dad then…they’re gonna suddenly be the most important thing.”

Tears threatened my eyes at that. “Oh, baby,” I reached and drew her closer to me, “you already are the most important thing to me.”

“Yeah, but not on the level that I would be as your wife; at least until we had children. Then yeah, of course they would become more important…but it’d be the same for both of us,” her voice trembled and she closed her eyes.

I felt her pain slicing right through me. “Eve,” I spoke it in a rough whisper.

“I’m okay,” she fluttered her eyes open and cleared her throat some, “I’m okay.”

I knew she wasn’t really, but didn’t press the issue. “I’m sorry,” I whispered to her, resting my head against hers and holding her close. “I’m so very sorry.”

And I was; for what this would do to us, what it would do to her, how it was going to change everything if they were my children. Her worries and fears and disappointment with the honeymoon was completely normal and if she was hunky dory then I would probably have been slightly worried.

After a few long moments of silence, I noticed her breathing had slowed and lifted my head to peek at her face. My poor angel had drifted to sleep and I couldn’t blame her. This whole wedding stuff was exhausting and I could feel myself teetering close behind. Snuggling up to her, I allowed my own eyes to drift closed, grateful that the exhaustion I was feeling quickly overtook all the worries in my mind and I was able to follow suit.

~*~*~*~*~

The following morning neither Eve nor I spoke much. I did call and cancel the plane tickets and island reservations, thankful we had purchased the flight insurance so it wasn’t a complete loss. The private bungalow we had reserved was a whole other story and I would be eating the canceling fee for weeks.

By the time we arrived downstairs to one of the large conference rooms decorated up to match our wedding colors for the brunch we were having with the out of town guests and our family, there was definitely a tension between us. I had stopped her before we’d entered the room and we’d both decided we would wait until after this weekend to speak with our immediate families about what was happening. No reason to spoil the celebration even if neither of us felt like celebrating anymore.

It was hard to put on a happy face for everyone and I wasn’t surprised when my mother took a seat beside me once most everyone was finished with their meal and moving about the room socializing. Eve had slipped over to where her grandparents were seated and that’s the chair my mother slipped into.

“So, what’s going on?” She questioned low, leaning toward me and propping her elbow on the table and her head on her fist so she was angled my way and in a more private position for the conversation.

I paused in the bite of fruit I was eating and met her eyes. “Huh?”

My mom sent me the look she does best; that one that tells me she knows me better than I know myself and isn’t going to be placated with feigned dumbness.

I sighed some and set my fork down. “I can’t talk about it here.”

“Where can you talk about it?”

“Tomorrow; once everyone’s left to head home and the wedding weekend is over.”

My mother arched a brow. “You’re going to be on your honeymoon tomorrow.”

I just arched my brows back, shrugged and sent her a look then took up my fork again, determined not to say another word until Eve and I, together, talked to my mom and her parents.

My mom’s eyes widened and she leaned closer, her voice dropping to a hushed tone, “Alex, what is going on?!”

I shook my head as if to say ‘not here’ then looked as my wife joined us and took the chair on my opposite side.

“This isn’t working,” she said low to me. “I think we should tell them.”

I shifted my gaze to my mother who was trying not to be too obvious about eavesdropping on us then back to Eve. “I thought we agreed we’d wait till tomorrow.”

“Ideally, but my sister is going on and on about how much fun we’ll have in The Seychelles and I can’t lie to her face knowing we’re not going.”

My mother gaped and leaned in toward us. “You’re not going on your honeymoon?”

I sighed and sent my wife a look thanking her for spilling the beans then turned toward my mom. “That’s what we were going to discuss with you and Eve’s parents tomorrow.”

But Eve didn’t seem to mind whatsoever that her new mother-in-law now knew what was going on. She leaned around in front of me and looked toward my mother. “No, we’re not. Alex called and canceled the entire trip this morning.”

My mother blanched. “Why in the world would you do that, Alex?”

I guess Eve’s annoyance with the situation was coming out. “Because something came up and this really isn’t the place to discuss it,” I replied.

“What could possibly come up that is more important than taking your wife on a honeymoon?”

I watched my mom then looked to Eve; she just drew a shoulder up in a nonchalant manner. “Mom, I know this is really shocking to you,” I began, turning back to my mother who was watching me with a look like I’d just killed a puppy, “but please trust me. Once you find out what’s going on you’re going to understand.”

“I don’t know.” She sat back some shaking her head. “I don’t think there’s anything short of an illness that would make me understand.” A pause. “Neither of you are sick, are you?”

“No, we’re not sick.” I reached and squeezed her hand.

“You know I’m not going to be able to wait until tomorrow, Alex. This is going to really bother me.”

Eve watched the two of us a moment before speaking up, “Maybe we should just tell them.”

I blinked at her. “Now?” When she nodded, my brows furrowed. “I don’t think I want to announce it to the room. And there are quite a few people here who do not need to know.”

“Well, I’m not going to lie to my family.”

“You don’t have to lie.”

“I can’t tell them the truth.”

I sighed. “Eve…”

“No, you know what? Forget it.” She shook her head and rose from her seat. “I’m going to go upstairs and pack; checkout is at one and I have quite a bit to gather up.” Then she turned and strolled from the table and toward the door, disappearing into the hallway and out of sight.

I met my mother’s eyes. “You better go after her.”

And with that, I was on my feet and following the path she had blazed.

I caught up with her at the elevators. “Eve.”

“I don’t want to hear it,” she spoke with tears in her voice. Her arms were wrapped around her waist and she was staring a hole into the closed elevator doors.

I smoothed a hand over her back. “I know it’s disappointing and upsetting and I’m so sorry.”

“You keep saying that,” she glanced to me with teary eyes, “I know you are, but it doesn’t change how I feel. I can’t help but be upset that we don’t get to go on our honeymoon because you have to do a DNA test to find out about children you may have with someone else. Or that you aren’t going to be able to relax and enjoy yourself with your wife because you’re too worried about what’s going on with those girls.”

I sighed and ran a hand over my face. “I know and I’m not expecting you to be Positive Polly and be all smiles and accepting of things.” I gently took her arm and led her into the elevator as the doors opened, sending a wayward glance toward a gentleman who looked like he was listening just a little too closely to our conversation.

“Then what are you expecting?” She reached and pushed the button for the floor we were on.

I waited until the doors had closed and cut us off from the lobby before answering that question, “At least understanding and support. You told me that we’re in this together; for better or worse. You still wanted to marry me and that, together, we’d get through this.”

Eve sniffed and wiped under her eyes. “I’m trying to be understanding, but I’m not perfect.”

“I know you’re not.” And then I pulled her into my arms and hugged her tight. “You’re perfect for me, though. And I will make it up to you.” I tipped her chin up so our eyes met. “That’s a promise. You’re going to get your honeymoon and you’re always going to be so very important to me; always. Nothing and no one can ever change that.”

She relaxed in my embrace and rested her cheek against my chest. “I’m gonna do the best I can, but you’re going to have to give me some time to work through how I feel.”

“I can do that.” I held her tight and kissed the top of her head. “I’m going to do whatever it takes to keep this working between us.”

“I will too,” she spoke muffled against my shirt.

I smiled at that and we rode the rest of the way to our floor in silence.

On Monday, after we’d returned home, we had my mom, Eve’s parents and siblings over and broke the news about the two little girls in Ohio. Shocked was how I would pretty much sum up how everyone reacted. Then a million questions followed and neither Eve nor I had all the answers. No one was angry with me, though they did apologize for not letting me see Eve earlier in the day when I had wanted to speak to her. But what’s done is done and we had too much to worry about and try to figure out than to let that weigh on our minds. Everyone offered their support and volunteered to help with whatever we may need; which I was so grateful for. And they were unanimous in agreeing I do the DNA test.

Which was carried out two days later. It was a simple swab to the inside of my cheek then the cotton piece was sealed up and sent off to the lab. Eight to ten business days is how long I was told it might be before I got the results and they were probably the most longest and nerve wracking days I’ve ever had. And I’ve had plenty of those.

On Friday, Eve surprised me with packing two suitcases, stashing them into the back of our SUV and ordering me into the passenger seat. Then she slid behind the wheel and before I knew it we were heading north from LA along the coast. If we couldn’t go to the honeymoon then she was going to bring a honeymoon weekend to me; something to help take my mind off the test, the results and all the waiting and agonizing.

We ended up in a sleepy little town about an hour south of Monterey. It had one traffic signal, a Mom’s Diner and a quaint little bungalow right on the beach that my wife had managed to procure for the weekend. One bedroom, one bath with a garden tub and a cozy kitchen with just enough room for the two of us to cook together.

It was probably one of the most sweetest and appreciative things Eve had done for me and I kicked myself for not thinking of it first and whisking her away to a nice resort somewhere to make up for being such a dumbass. But she wouldn’t hear anything of it when I tried to apologize.

That first night we got carry-out from Mom’s Diner and ate it on the small deck that looked out to the water gently lapping at the shore. There wasn’t another house in sight in either direction and as I ate the delicious helping of pot roast and green beans, I looked to my wife and watched her in amazement. She was so beautiful and wonderful and perfect for me and good to me. She was doing her best to support me in this and the whole idea of this bungalow by the sea had blown me away. I was going to spend the rest of my life trying to be as good to her as she was to me.

“How’d you find this place?” I questioned, breaking the silence that had befallen us.

Eve looked up from the pasta she had ordered and met my eyes. “Paige told me about it.”

“Oh, has she been here?”

Her blonde head nodded and she wiped her mouth with a napkin before replying, “A few months after Natalie was born, she and Bradley had hit a really rough spot and she said this place was their saving grace. They left Natalie with my parents and came up here for a weekend; reconnected and spent time together that didn’t involve caring for an infant and when they returned it was like they were newlyweds again.”

I smiled. “That’s really great.”

“Yeah,” she mirrored my smile with one of her own, “and yesterday Paige mentioned it to me. I was telling her how stressed and wound up tight you were and she thought maybe this place could do you, do us, some good.”

“Was I really that bad?”

My wife suppressed a chuckle. “It’s only been two days since you did the test and you’ve already gone through more coffee in those two days than I’d seen you drink in two years. As well as becoming a regular chain smoker. Not to mention, you’re sort of talking in your sleep.”

That was news to me. “What am I saying?”

She shrugged softly and returned to her food. “Mumbled stuff. I can’t make too much of it out, but you just sound so scared or worried and I hate hearing you sound like that. It makes my heart ache and I just wanna do what I can to make it better for you.”

I reached for her hand. “And you think this place is going to help?”

“I hope it does.” She took my hand and held it warmly. “I know you aren’t going to forget completely about the test, or all the worries and stress that await us once we return, but I’m hoping that for a few days, for a few moments, you’re able to let it all go and just be.”

I was ready to take her to the bedroom and show her how much I loved her. “What about you?”

Her blue eyes watched me unblinking. “I’m okay, baby. I feel a lot better about things than I did and I know that the place or greatness of the honeymoon doesn’t matter, it’s the time they get to spend together rather that’s The Seychelles or here in a little one bedroom cabin.” Then she leaned and kissed my lips softly. “I told you that you just have to let me work through my feelings. I’m gonna be just fine.”

I smiled and pulled her into my arms as our dinner was forgotten and we spent the rest of the night connecting and celebrating our new union.

~*~*~*~*~

On Saturday, Eve and I walked the beach and collected oddly and fascinating shells. The weather was a little too cool for swimming, so after the shell collecting, we splashed in the surf and acted like teenagers; chasing each other and falling over repeatedly in the sand to roll, make out or just lie there together in each other’s arms. We probably tracked more sand back to the cabin than we left on the beach and enjoyed a nice, leisurely bath together to wash it all away.

Afterward, and after a quick trip to the homey little market on Main Street, we made up a late lunch (or early dinner, depending on how you looked at it) and ate it outside on the deck again. This time we made it through the entire meal then afterward, relaxed together in one lounge chair, listening to the sound of the water and the birds and everything that a beach has to hold.

I must have been unusually quiet, because Eve shifted in my arms and turned her head to face mine. “What are you thinking?” She questioned in a soft voice.

I touched her cheek. “How much I love you and how grateful I am to have you in my life. And wondering how I got so lucky that you agreed to spend the rest of your life with me.”

A little grin tugged at the corner of her mouth. “Want to know what I was thinking?” When I nodded, she continued, “That I’m so thankful you are so persistent, because had you not been, we may not even be together right now.”

I chuckled. “Well, I’m thankful that you’re so forgiving and accepting.”

“Yeah, I really am, aren’t I?”

That made me laugh and I tickled her side lightly. “Don’t give yourself a big head.”

She laughed and squirmed then settled against me again. “I know that this weekend we’re trying to not think about everything, but do you maybe want to talk about it?” Her head lifted to meet my eyes. “Maybe it’ll help you feel better and when we get home you won’t freak out again.”

I rested my head against the back of the chair, letting a slow breath of air escape between my lips. “What do you want me to say?”

“I dunno,” she shrugged some, “maybe with how you’re feeling.”

I sighed at that. “Like this is some kind of dream. Like I’m walking through fog trying to not lose the road I’m on. It’s so surreal and it’s hard to grasp that this is really my life.”

“It does seem like something from a movie or a book.”

“Or someone else’s life, not mine.”

Eve smoothed her hand across my chest. “Whatever the outcome, my love, it’s our life and we’re going to make the best of it. Rather two little girls come to join our family or not, we’re in this together and you don’t have to carry the burden on your own.”

I finally turned my eyes back to hers and felt my heart swell at the love on her face. “I don’t know how to be a dad.”

“I don’t think any first time father does.”

“I don’t know anything about these girls. What if they hate me? What if they’re horrible? What if I scare them?”

Eve shifted herself a bit more to see me better. “Okay, first, take a breath and second, we don’t even have the DNA results yet, you might not be the father. I don’t think it does you any good to get yourself all worked out about them until you know.”

“I know, but I can’t seem to shut my mind off and not think about it at all.” I reached a hand up and rubbed my eyes. All the questions and concerns, fears and worries were starting to make my head hurt.

“I understand that.” She shifted closer and smoothed her arm around me. “You have to remember that you’re not in this alone. If they are your daughters then we’ll learn together. I don’t know how to be a mom, or step mom, I should say.”

I smoothed my fingers up through her hair. “You’re going to be a wonderful mom; I think you’re a natural. Look how well you take care of me.”

“Well,” she drew up a shoulder, “maybe with these two girls we’ll figure it out together and then when we have our own, it’ll be a little easier.”

I found myself liking the sound of that. “That sounds promising.”

“I think so too.” And then she smiled and I saw a flicker in her eyes.

Eve and I had decided that we wanted to start a family sometime after my tour in the spring. My bandmates and I were going to be traveling to Europe for a few weeks in March, April and May and the idea of touring and starting a family made me feel slightly uneasy. So we decided to wait until this next summer.

The thought of the tour made me groan. “What about our tour this spring?”

My wife eyed me. “Okay, no more ‘what ifs’ until we know for sure what the test results are, got that. You’re going to work yourself into a frenzy and give yourself an ulcer.”

I probably would. Sighing, I closed my eyes briefly to help clear my mind, though it proved to be difficult. “I need something to distract me.”

“Hm, I think I might have just the thing,” Eve purred and then she raised her body above mine and proved quite effective in making me forget it all.

~*~*~*~*~

Sunday we explored the town and traveled the quiet two lane highways just sightseeing and enjoying the solitude. A picnic in a field full of beautiful flowers was romantic and the little odds and ends shops we found in a small town over was a memorable endeavor and allowed us to take some little trinkets back home. Eve’s idea to bring me up here was more than what I needed. I could just feel my stress and anxiety melting away and by the time we finally did return back to Los Angeles late Sunday night, I was feeling the best I’d felt since I had received the news.

Monday was back to the usual routine; however, I found myself relaxed and at peace with whatever may be. I couldn’t control life; Eve had taught me that much. All I could do was hang on for the ride and be glad someone was on that roller coaster with me.

On Tuesday, we invited Paige and Bradley over for dinner, sans Natalie who stayed with her grandparents. Together, we made up a meal fit for a king and then all four of us stuffed ourselves until our bellies were full and we could just sit and stare at the table, unable to move. Afterward, we played a few board games then just relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company.

Thankfully, my sister-in-law and her husband stayed off the topic of the girls, though I know she was just dying to talk about it. I’m pretty sure my wife had laid a few ground rules, which proved effective and when the couple finally departed close to midnight, I took Eve upstairs to thank her personally for a wonderful night.

The next few days carried on as close to normal as they could get. Eve had the whole week off from work since we were supposed to be in The Seychelles, and depending on what the news from the DNA test brought, she might return the following week or might not. I was grateful that she was her own boss and had a wonderful staff willing to step up and help her out when need be.

We went out to lunch, took in a movie and did some shopping on Wednesday. I spoke with my mom that evening and though she had returned back to her home in Florida, she had promised that if need be, she would return as quickly as she could. Eve’s parents continued to offer what support they could and I was so glad at least one of us had immediate family in the area. Especially people as wonderful as the Whites.

Thursday and Friday came and went with no word and the weekend that followed I tried to stay busy, but the apprehension was starting to return. Eve filled my days with museums and the beach and the boardwalk, dinners out and even dancing one night. She was doing so much to make sure I wasn’t the one stressing that I worried she wasn’t doing enough for herself. So Sunday afternoon, I picked up her sister Carli and then dropped them both off at an exclusive spa for an entire afternoon of pampering and relaxation. Then I went off to play some golf with my buddies.

That night I was thanked in more ways than one on how much she enjoyed herself and all the self indulgence. That wasn’t my intentions for doing it, but it sure was nice to reap the benefits. I might have to do that more often.

Monday rolled around and still nothing. And then finally Tuesday came; nearly two weeks after I’d submitted the DNA and there in the mail was a long white envelope with the return address of the medical facility that had performed the work.

“It’s here,” I croaked out to my wife, dropping the rest of the mail on the counter and showing her the envelope. My heart was suddenly skittering around in my chest and I could hear it echoing its hard beat in my ears.

Eve looked up from where she had been doing some paperwork for her store and slowly set down her pen. “It’s here?”

“Yeah,” my throat suddenly felt dry, “it’s here.”

My wife rose from her seat slowly, as if she were expecting the envelope to fly from my trembling hands and launch a full scale attack on her. “Open it,” she voiced in loud whisper.

But I didn’t know if I could. Instead, I turned the envelope over and over in my hands and then looked back to Eve. “I can’t.”

“You can do this.” She approached me and smoothed a hand over my back.

“No,” I shook my head, “no, I can’t.” Then I was shoving it at her. “You do it.”

Eve accepted it and studied the typed lettering of the addresses. “I don’t know if I can either.”

“Well, one of us has to.”

“We could call Paige. She’d be more than happy to rip into this bad boy for us.”

I chuckled dryly, thinking my heart was about to leap into my throat and out my mouth. “I can’t wait that long for her to get here.”

“Okay, I can do this.” My wife took a breath and let it out slowly then reached her hand for the sealed flap. “I’m gonna do it.”

“Wait!”

I must have said it a lot more forceful than I meant, because she jumped about a foot up from the floor. “What? What?”

My insides felt like a closed can of soda that’s been shook up and just waiting for that moment the lid would come off and the contents would go spurting up from the top. My nerves were tensing, that fear was closing off my throat and the anxiety was crawling through me and digging its icy nails into my chest. “I can’t do this.”

She reached and took my hand, squeezing it firmly. “Yes, you can. We can handle whatever this letter tells us.”

Her words were so strong that I felt a part of me calm inside. “Okay,” I choked out. “Open it, before I change my mind.”

And that’s what she did. Sliding her finger along the sealed flap and separated the paper. Then she slipped the paper from the envelope and slowly unfolded it. Her eyes shifted over the paper as she read the results, going slowly as if to make sure she understood what she was seeing.

By the time those ice blue eyes met mine, I felt like I was close to a full blown panic attack. My chest was heaving and sweat beads had broken out over my face and neck. The room was trying to tilt and I found my hand reaching for the counter to steady myself.

“Alex?” She frowned in concern then reached and helped ease me down onto a stool. “Are you okay?”

“Wh…what does it say?” I choked out between the sawdust that felt like it was filling my mouth.

Eve watched me, ignoring my question. “You look a little pale, are you feeling faint?”

“I just…I need to know what the letter says.” I was doing my best to hold off the black dots that wanted to cloud my vision.

“Maybe we ought to get you some fresh air.” She moved to pass me and head toward the patio doors off the side of the kitchen.

I reached out and caught her wrist in my hand. “What…does it say,” I tried to keep my voice even, but my throat was so dry it couldn’t help but crack some.

Eve met my eyes and wet her bottom lip, hesitating half a second before responding, “You’re the father.”

The entire room gave a tilt at her words and a cold sweat swept over my body. I tried to speak, but nothing came out. The black spots I’d been trying so hard to hold off were suddenly swimming before my eyes and Eve’s voice sounded so faint, like my head was stuffed full of cotton, and then that’s when everything went dark.

When I came to, I found myself in a bed in a strange room with white walls and a soft beeping sound. I tried to move my head and sit up, but a sharp pain shot from the back of it and down my neck, forcing a groan from my mouth.

“Hey, hey, take it easy,” my wife’s voice came from my left and then she was leaning over me, smoothing a hand on my cheek.

“Wha...” I tried to speak, but my throat hurt and felt like I’d swallowed a tennis ball.

“Shh, just relax.” She leaned and brushed her lips over my forehead.

The pain in the back of my head was throbbing and I reached a hand up to touch it, freezing in midair at the sight of the needle and IV that ran from the back of my hand and to a machine next to the bed. “What the fuck,” I breathed out.

Eve reached and took my hand then gently rested it back at my side. “You passed out on me,” she began to explain as I sent her a confused expression. “You fell right off the stool and smacked your head on the ground. I couldn’t wake you and then I saw the blood and called 911.”

And then it all came rushing back to me; the call from my attorney, the DNA test, waiting two weeks and finally getting the letter in the mail, being too scared to open it so my wife had and then hearing the results. I was the father and those little girls were my flesh and blood. And that’s when I had passed out and probably scared my wife to death.

“Sorry,” I croaked out.

She shook her head and with her blonde hair and the way the lights were shining down around her, it looked like she had a halo. “Don’t apologize. You’re okay; just a few stitches and a sore head for a few days. The doctor said there was no serious head injury or concussion.”

“How long do I have to stay here?” I glanced around the room that I now was able to deduce as a hospital room.

“Well, the doctor said they had to sedate you some because you were starting to wake while they were doing the CT scan and not being cooperative at all.” A small grin tugged at the corner of her mouth. “So, I imagine it’ll be a little while. I’m sure they’ll want you a bit more alert before releasing you.”

I frowned. I hated hospitals and doctors. “What time is it?”

My wife glanced to the silver watch on her wrist. “Ten till five.”

“Wow,” I blinked, “I was out the whole afternoon.”

“Mhm,” she stroked her fingers over the back of my hand, “they ran all kinds of tests just to make sure you were okay and didn’t have a fractured skull or swelling of the brain. And other than being a little obstinate, said you’d be sore for a few days, but there was nothing to be worried about.”

“Well, that’s good, I suppose.”

She chuckled and kissed my cheek. “That’s very good.”

“I see our patient has woken up,” the voice came from the doorway and when I looked over, I was greeted with Paige donned in some dark blue scrubs and a stethoscope hanging around her neck. Her ID badge was clipped to the left breast pocket of her top and her hair had been pulled back from her face.

I gave a low, dry chuckle. “Don’t tell me you’re my nurse.”

“Fortunately I’m not.” She approached the opposite side of my bed than her sister and checked my vitals on the machine next to her. “I hear you’re a pretty difficult patient.”

“Only when I need to be.”

Paige laughed then gave my arm a gentle squeeze. “I’m glad to see you’re feeling better and okay.”

“Me too, but hey, do you think I could have some water? My throat’s so dry.”

Before Paige could even respond, Eve jumped into action. “Oh! It’s right here.” And she took a glass up from the little portable table and returned to me, holding the straw down and to my lips.

I drank the water down with a sigh as it soothed my throat and chased away the dryness. After taking what I wanted, I settled gingerly back against the pillow. Both sisters were watching me with expectant looks and I shifted my eyes between them. “What?”

Paige stood up straight. “Well, I better get down to my floor and make my rounds. I just wanted to come see how you were doing.” Then she leaned and kissed my cheek in a sisterly fashion. “So glad you’re okay and please don’t ever scare my baby sister like that again.”

I chuckled low and told her I’d try my best not to then watched as she departed. Turning my gaze back to my wife, I found her smiling softly at me. “Are you okay?” I questioned her, reaching for her hand and tugging it gently down to my chest.

“I think so, though you really did freak me out. All that blood made me think you were going to bleed to death.”

I winced. “It’s probably because it was a head wound. Those tend to bleed more.”

“Mhm.” her free hand lifted to smooth over the front of my bald head. I was more thankful than ever that I kept my head shaved so they hadn’t had to shave patches of it off to stitch me up. “The paramedics said the same thing and my mom was gonna go over and clean it up so it’d be gone by the time we got there.”

I made a face. “She doesn’t have to.”

“I know,” Eve touched my cheek, “but she wanted to. And she’s a mother of four; she’s seen blood before. Once, my brother nearly cut his big toe off on some glass and bled a trail through the house and she didn’t bat an eye. She can handle it.”

“I’m going to have to get her something now.”

Eve shook her head. “You don’t have to do that.”

“I know, but I want to. She’s cleaning my blood up.”

“It’s not like you’re toxic or anything.”

I chuckled low, caught her hand and kissed it. “Hopefully I get to leave soon. Other than my head hurting some, I’m not feeling too terrible.”

“We’ll have to see what the doctor says.”

“Is it Bradley?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Well, there goes my bribery idea. I was going to let him win the next game of golf.”

She laughed at that then leaned over and kissed my lips. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

“Me too.” I held her hand to my cheek and watched her with a loving gaze. “When we get outta here, I need to call Brett. He probably got the same letter we did today.”

“He actually called earlier, but I was a little too worried about you to talk to him. I let the call go to voicemail and we can check it once we’re back home. But,” she arched her brows at me, “let’s not talk about that or worry about it right now. Let’s just concentrate on making sure you’re okay and this head wound of yours.”

I chuckled low at that and obliged, liking the way she was taking charge and making sure I was okay. It felt nice to be taken care of and have someone there to look out for you. The whole thing made me love her even more and every day I wondered how it was possible to love someone more and more. Yet it happened over and over. It was amazing how much love the human body could hold for someone.

It was another two hours before I was finally released. My doctor came and checked me over, gave me some pamphlets about head injuries and some warning signs to look out for that might signal something more severe, then he finally signed my release. Eve and I made it back to the house sometime after eight.

I was starving but dreading the idea of having to make up something to eat, or Eve to, when all I wanted was to cuddle in our bed together. We also needed to talk about the test results and call the attorney. But a wonderful surprise greeted us; her mom had made up a beef stew of some kind with yummy carrots and potatoes and chunks of beef and it was waiting in the crock pot ready to be served.

We dined on beef stew and bread then retired to the bedroom where Eve helped wash me since I couldn’t get my stitches wet and then we were finally together, snuggled into the bed. It was there that I phoned my attorney, apologizing for calling so late. Then we discussed the results and that Melody Porter’s attorney had been in touch after receiving them as well. Her attorney, a Mr. Jeffries, wanted me to fly to Ohio as soon as possible. There was apparently quite a bit of paperwork I needed to look over and sign and get started through the courts and the sooner the better. He also wanted me to meet the girls who were temporarily in state custody.

I agreed with him, but it scared me inside thinking about flying to Ohio to meet two daughters I didn’t even know I had had a month ago. Two, two; not just one, but two little girls who were going to become dependent on me and expect me to raise them and care for them and love them. And it wasn’t like I was going to get to learn like a new parent does with the waiting time between finding out about a pregnancy and the birth and then the learning process as both baby and parent learns and grows. I was being thrown into this cold and I had hit the ground running. I just hoped I wouldn’t trip and fall flat on my face. The last thing I needed was to screw this up.

After telling him I would speak with him tomorrow about the trip, we finally hung up then I settled down into the bed with my wife, holding her close and secure in my arms.

“When do you think you want to fly out there?” She questioned softly after a moment of comfortable silence between us.

I peeked down to her face to find her watching me. “I don’t know. I don’t want to wait too long, but,” I hesitated then plunged right in, “it’s a lot scary.”

“I know it is, baby, but I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

“And I’m so very grateful for that.” I hugged her tighter. “You have no idea how grateful I am that I have you with me through this.”

“I think I have a little bit of an idea.” She kissed my chin then settled against me again.

My fingers smoothed through her long locks. “What if they hate me?”

“Why would they hate you?”

I shrugged. “I dunno, because they don’t know me….because I’m their dad and haven’t been around for the first four years of their lives….because they’re upset that they’re mom is gone and they take it out on me. Because we take them from the home they know in Ohio all the way back here to Los Angeles.” I could go on and on, but forced myself to stop after that last one.

Eve was silent for a moment then reached and touched my cheek with her fingertips. “Then you love them that much harder and you’ll earn that trust and love right back.”

“How do I do that?”

“By taking care of them and not giving up if it gets hard. By being there and someone they can learn to depend on and someone that isn’t going to disappear or ship them off. By loving them and teaching them and showing them all that life has to offer.”

My wife was so wise sometimes. “I’ll do my best.”

“And I’ll be right there helping.” She smiled and kissed my chin again.

That made me smile. “Thank you.”

My heart melted when she returned the grin. “You’re very welcome.” A pause. “Oh and hey, tomorrow when you talk to Brett again … do you think you could ask him the girls’ names?”

I blinked and gave a low laugh. The thought hadn’t even come into my head and that was horrible of me because I should want to know their names. I guess with the shock of the news and the stress of the situation, I had let it slip my mind. “I’ll ask that first thing. That might be important to know going into meeting them.”

“Just a little bit.” She held her fingers up to measure the little bit she meant.

I chuckled low and brushed my lips across her forehead. “Okay, how ‘bout we get some rest and tomorrow we can get all the details ironed out.”

“That sounds good. You need to get as much rest as possible so you’ll heal faster. The doctor did say to do that.”

“Mm, I know and I’m pretty tired.”

Eve snuggled more into me and held me close to her. “I know you are, so just close your eyes, rest and get some sleep.”

And I did just that; with a little smile on my face and my wife safely tucked in my arms.

~*~*~*~*~

The following day it was decided that Eve and I would fly out Thursday into Columbus, Ohio then drive north on I-71 to the town of Berkshire; a city so small it wasn’t even a city but a township with a population of just over 2,000. Eve and I were headed into the middle of nowhere and it made me wonder the type of people we’d meet and just what these girls would be like.

As for their names, it surprised me slightly they weren’t named Sue, Mary or Jo Ellen, but had more unique names and it pleased me that their mother hadn’t named them twin type names that started with the same letter or rhymed. Instead, they were Ashlyn Grace, who was older by three minutes, and Ireland Faith.

And then my attorney forwarded a photo of the two girls and my breath left my body. There were no words to describe how beautiful they were and it made my heart knock around in my chest at the thought that these two amazing and precious little girls were mine. How was it so possible that I had helped to create two something’s so perfect?

They were definitely identical, no question about that, with light brown hair that hung in ringlets down their backs with flecks of reds and golds visible. The hair looked soft and as innocent as their sweet little faces were. Both girls had skin like mine; olive colored and easily tanned and cute little freckles dotted their button noses. Identical grins with left cheek dimples adorned those beautiful faces and it made their eyes twinkle. And it was those eyes that really drew me in and made my heart stop. They were round, big and expressive and a deep chocolate color exactly like my own. Long, dark lashes, also like my own, framed the eyes and I felt like I was staring into my own four year old eyes for a moment. I just could not believe these were my little girls, my sweet babies and within 48 hours we would finally be face to face.

“Oh, Alex,” my wife breathed out upon seeing the photo. “They look just like you.”

I couldn’t help the grin that spread over my face. “Aren’t they beautiful?”

“They really, really are.” Her eyes met mine and she grinned.

I felt a warmth seep into my chest. “I think this photo has really helped. I’m getting more excited to meet them than I am nervous.”

Eve kissed my cheek. “I’m so glad, baby.” Then she turned back to the picture. “Which one is which?”

I pointed to the right side of the computer screen where I had pulled up the email. “That one is Ashlyn Grace, she’s the oldest by three minutes, and that one,” I shifted my finger to the left and the other twin, “is Ireland Faith.”

“Those names are as gorgeous as the girls are.” She studied the picture intently like she was trying to memorize everything about it. I was hoping she was feeling as warm and excited as I was feeling.

“They really are.” I looked the photo over with her. “I really hope I don’t get them mixed up.” The thought hadn’t even occurred to me until now.

Eve slipped into my lap. “Well, it might be a little difficult at first, but I think as their personalities shine through we’ll know who is who.”

I kissed her shoulder. “I certainly hope so. And I hope as they get older, they don’t try to pull any switcheroos.”

That made my wife laugh. “Gosh, could you imagine? Though I’m sure by the time they get to the age where they’d try that, we’ll know them both like the back of our hand and know what’s going on.”

“That’s right.” I slipped my arms around her waist and gently guided her back to my chest. Then I blinked. “Shit, we don’t have a single thing for them.” I shifted my eyes around my office. “The house isn’t even childproof.”

Eve was up and pacing in front of me in a flash. “We can call a decorator to do their rooms. Though, we’ll probably want to find out what kind of things they like first. And we might want to put them in the same bedroom, at least until they feel more comfortable or ask for their own rooms.” She glanced to me as if she was thinking, still continuing to move back and forth. “And maybe Paige and my mom can come over and childproof things. They’d know best what is safe and not safe for a kid. Which, we might want them to do that while we’re gone so when we return with the girls, the house is safe.”

“What about clothes? And what do four year olds eat? Do we need to get car seats?” Suddenly question after question was hitting me and the excitement I had felt over the girls was starting to turn back into a panic, but this time about being prepared and able to handle them.

Eve stopped and turned to me, her hands on her hips. “I have no idea. We need to buy books; lots and lots of books. And maybe we should have your mom come out and stay for a bit so we don’t like…feed them the wrong thing or something. And then Paige can give us pointers on the safety things.”

I nodded at that. “Having my mom stay with us might be a good idea. It’ll be nice to have someone in the house for when a situation arises or until we get the hang of things.”

“And she’ll be tickled pink to meet her grandchildren.”

I tilted my head. “An added bonus. Okay,” clapping my hands together, I rose from the seat. “We have a lot to do before we leave tomorrow.”

“Right,” Eve snapped her fingers then held her hand toward me, “but first, we have to change your bandage and check on those stitches.”

I reached a hand gingerly to the back of my head where the white square of gauze was covering my wound. I had nearly forgotten about it in all the excitement and it wasn’t but a dull throb now. Nothing a little Tylenol couldn’t control.

Eve eyed me and my hesitance. “Alex, c’mon; doctor’s orders. We can make our phone calls and all that as soon as we’re finished.”

I sighed and let her take my hand then lead me from the room. “Okay, but only under one condition…”

She laughed. “No, we’re not playing doctor and patient later tonight. You know that scenario always makes me wig out.”

“Then cop and speeder?”

“No.”

“Principle and corrupt school girl?”

“No.”

“Pirate and his captive wench?”

She paused a moment in her response, “Maybe.”

I smirked. I’d hooked her, now only to reel her in. I quickly moved up behind her and scooped her into my arms despite her protest that I needed to take it easy. “After we fix my head and make our phone calls, I’ma take my bounty back to my ship and devour her.”

She just laughed at that and we disappeared upstairs.

The plane touched down in Columbus and after making our way to the baggage claim, we found the gentlemen that Mr. Jeffries had hired to pick us up. He stood at the bottom of the escalators with a sign that read ‘the White party’. Since I didn’t want to use my name, we’d gone with Eve’s maiden name.

Eve moved to greet the chauffer while I gathered our bags. Then together, the three of us headed from the airport and to the black town car that was waiting. Our chauffer, whose name was David, stowed our belongings in the back then held the door as I helped my wife in then joined her in the backseat.

It took thirty-five minutes to make the trip to Berkshire and our driver pulled up outside of a small, but well kept, inn. The room had already been reserved and the room key was waiting on us. After stowing our belongings then grabbing a quick shower and a bite to eat across the street at a local diner, we met with Mr. Jeffries.

Mr. Jeffries was a small man; I think he was hardly 5’5. He was thin and had school boy looks with freckles and ruddy colored hair that appeared permanently disheveled. Thin, wire framed black glasses were perched on his nose and every few moments he’d take an index finger and push them farther up to the bridge. He didn’t look any older than 28 and that was giving him a few years. He was friendly and professional and his first name was Tom we learned throughout the meeting. He had also been a close and personal friend to Melody Porter as well as her attorney.

The girls, we learned, were in state custody, but had been allotted to stay with one of Ms. Porter’s neighbors. They’d been through a traumatic experience losing their mother and the court had agreed that being with someone familiar would be best for them. It had been a little over a month since their mother’s death and being only four, were having a bit of a hard time accepting and understanding where she had gone and why.

The majority of the meeting covered the legal aspect. There were more forms than I think I’d ever seen and that’s saying a lot considering all the contracts I’ve signed due to my career. Luckily, my own attorney was due to arrive first thing in the morning and he would look everything over and help give me some peace of mind with it all.

By the time Mr. Jeffries had explained the papers I would have to sign that would be delivered to the court and the papers my wife would have to sign so she would be considered a legal guardian, my head was hurting. A pressure was squeezing the temples and the pain was working its way up the back of my neck. Eve must have sensed it, because she reached over and massaged my neck, giving it gentle squeezes.

Once all the paperwork had been gone through and Mr. Jeffries had handed over my copies for Brett and I to go back over, he folded his hands on the table and his bright green eyes looked my way. “I’m sure you have a ton of questions.”

Eve slipped her hand from my neck and took mine in hers, lacing our fingers together.

“Yeah, I um,” I was trying to think through the ache in my head, “I know this sounds horrible, but I don’t remember Ms. Porter.”

A hint of discern flickered in his eyes. “She knew you wouldn’t. Your time together was very brief and she never expected you to remember her.”

And then I voiced a question that had been nagging at the back of my mind since the first day I found out about the twins, “Why didn’t she ever tell me?”

Mr. Jeffries pressed his thin lips together. “I can’t answer that for her.” Then he reached into his pocket and withdrew a long envelope. “She left you a letter. She knew you’d have questions and she wanted to do her best to answer them all.” He passed it to me. “Read it whenever you’re ready. There’s also a safety deposit box at the bank and she left you the key to it.” He nodded toward the envelope and I assumed the key was tucked inside with the letter.

I thanked him and then promising to be in touch once my attorney got into town, we bid our goodbyes and he slipped from the hotel room.

Eve locked the chain across the door once he was gone. She crossed the room and sank back down into the chair at the round table, smoothing a hand to my leg and holding it in a comforting fashion. “You okay?”

I was staring at the white envelope, feeling the weight of it in my hands. “I don’t know,” was all I could come up with.

My wife watched me a moment then leaned and pressed a kiss to my temple. “I’m gonna go take a shower and give you a little time. I think you and,” her eyes shifted to the envelope, “Melody need that.”

I wanted to turn and catch her and pull her in for a long kiss, but I just managed a nod.

She rose and kissed the top of my bald head then disappeared into the bathroom.

It was another few minutes before I finally talked myself up enough to open the envelope. Inside were four sheets of paper with the safety deposit box key taped to the bottom of the last one. Moving to the bed and leaning against the headboard, I settled back some, smoothed the pages of the papers, catching a hint of a sweet smelling floral scent, and then began to read.

Dearest Alex,

I know if you’re reading this letter than I’m no longer in this World. I’ve moved on to a better place where there’s no such thing as pain, anger, hurt or misery. That thought alone gives me a sense of peace, but it tears me apart to think that I’ve left my sweet little girls; two precious angels who are so innocent and unaware of the bad in this World and who must be missing their mommy something terrible. Writing that out, thinking it, saying it out loud is the most painful thing I’ve ever experienced. Even more so than anything I’ve endured with this cancer. It makes me break down and weep for them. For their loss and for everything they will not get to experience with their mother. Facing the world motherless is a travesty upon itself. I know, I’ve been there. But knowing my sweet babies had no say in it whatsoever, and can barely comprehend death, let alone the death of their mother, is such an ultimate tragedy.

I know you must have hundreds of questions and my only regret is that I’m not able to answer them face to face. This letter is will be our last connection and so I hope you take time to really read it and to know that everything I’ve done, rather you view them as good or bad, was for our daughters. Every decision I made, every sacrifice, every secret harbored was for them; to keep them safe, to help them grow and learn and to be the very best they could be.

Four years is not nearly enough time with them, but they were the very best four years of my life. From the moment I found out I was pregnant, they were the most wanted and loved babies ever. And then learning it was two was more joy than I’d ever experienced. And once they were here in my arms, I never wanted to let them go. I knew that God was giving me two very special gifts and I vowed that first day in the hospital that I was going to do everything in my power to love them and care for them and raise them to be strong, smart, loving and genuine women.

But God must certainly have other plans, because I sit here in a hospital bed writing you a letter, knowing that in a matter of weeks, maybe even days, I will no longer be able to fulfill that promise I made. And so I wipe away the tears and I hold out the baton to you. I offer you the opportunity to come to know your children and to love them with as much conviction, as much strength, as I have.

I had to stop reading for a moment. My eyes were brimming with tears and the ache in my head had now trickled down to my chest. It was as if she was here in the room with me, speaking the words on the paper; that’s how powerful they were. She wrote this letter with every emotion in her body and it showed.

I reached up and wiped at the corners of my eyes, determined to finish this. And knowing that I would do nothing but what this mother was requesting. After all, how could I not?

Letting a puff of air from between my lips, I trained my gaze on the paragraph I’d stopped at and began to read once more.

I trust you, Alex, with a trust like none other that you will raise them as I have been trying. That they’ll grow and be beautiful and individuals and know who they are, where they came from and be proud of everything they are. It’s so very hard for a mother to let someone take her child from her arms, and even that much harder when you know that you have no choice in the matter. You’re powerless to stop it and it scares you like none other. I’m so very scared, but I have to be strong because they need that strength and as a parent, you know you’ll do anything to keep everything right for your children.

I’m sure you don’t remember me. I never expected you to. What happened between us was such a brief moment in your life that it simply can’t be assumed that you would remember. I’m not insulted by that and I harbor no ill feelings toward you whatsoever. You gave me two blessings and there is just no way that I can regret any of it. I will do my best, however, to fill you in and try to refresh your memory.

It was October 20th of 2006. You were in Columbus with your group for a show. A couple co-workers and I left work early that day and drove into the big city to attend the concert. Afterward, we got a room at The Hilton, and by coincidence, you and your bandmates were staying there also. During that time, I had been dating this jerk of a guy and I found out that evening that he had been cheating on me for quite some time. I was upset, crushed, because it was the first serious relationship I had allowed myself to have. And it had come crashing down around me, like everything else in my life.

Feeling sorry for myself, I had left my girlfriends in the room because I couldn’t bear to share my embarrassment and grief with them and spoil their ‘after show high’. So I took a walk and ended up outside by the pool, which in October in Ohio was closed for the winter and completely empty. I welcomed the solitude, peace and quiet and took up refuge on a lawn chair.

It was there that you found me. You’d wanted a smoke and a few minutes of peace yourself. And seeing as how no one swam in October, you’d thought the pool would be the best place to go. What you didn’t count on was that our lives would be forever connected from that moment on.

We talked; I cried and you felt sorry for me, so you joined me in the chair and held me close. One minute it was innocent, like you were comforting a friend. I don’t know if you meant the things you said about me being beautiful and the boyfriend, ex boyfriend, was a fool. That I would find myself a really great guy one day and forget about this painful moment. But hearing it from a stranger, especially from you, made me really feel that way; like I was beautiful and wanted and any guy who didn’t recognize that was an idiot.

And that’s when it changed. We went from cryee and comforter to a full blown makeout session. And then, right there in the crisp October air, next to an empty pool with no one around, we created our daughters. Afterward, you walked me to my room, kissed me on the nose and told me the next guy to come my way was going to be the luckiest bastard there is.

That’s the last time I saw you. Six weeks later I found out I was pregnant and then our daughters were born June 23rd. They were early, but healthy and vibrant and the most beautiful bundles of joy there ever were.

My breath caught in my chest as the sudden memory of that night washed over me. It had happened exactly like she’d written and I felt my throat tighten some. I’d had no idea that two little girls were the outcome of that union and I found myself desperately wishing she had contacted me earlier. That I’d been able to see them as babies and help all three of them out in whatever they may have needed. With no family around, she’d done it mostly alone and the thought of how hard that was and what it must have been like gnawed at my stomach, making me feel nearly sick.

A distant memory of her face flashed before my eyes and I found myself smiling, feeling like I was connecting with a long lost friend. With fresh tears pooling in my eyes, I searched out where I had ended and continued.

I don’t have any excuses you’ll probably be satisfied enough with on reasons why I never contacted you or tried to tell you. Numerous times I did sit down and try to write you a letter, but could never go through with it. I kept thinking about how you lived on the other side of the country and had your own life and I admit, I was afraid if you found out you might try to take them from me, but mostly I didn’t want our girls to have the life most children of divorced parents have. I wanted to give them as much stability and routine as possible.

I know that it is unfair to you and I apologize for that. The last thing I want to do is hurt you or take away any opportunities. But none of that matters anymore, because if you’re reading this letter then I’ve passed on and they’re both 100% yours, if you wish to take on that responsibility. And I pray that you do. I’ve prayed every night that once you find out about them you’ll want them as badly as I did. You’ll love them and care for them and become the most wonderful father there is.

I know that I’m throwing you into this probably completely unprepared. At least I had eight and a half months to prepare and learn all I could about being a mom. But you’re being thrust into the situation with no warning, no preparations and probably not knowing what to do. And I wish I was there to help walk you through it. I hope that you’re able to reach out to family or close friends and that someone will guide you along the way.

Being a parent is never an easy task and it seems like the older they get the harder the job becomes. I’ve done my best to prepare them for this day and at the end of this letter, you’ll find the key to my safety deposit box. Inside are the girls’ birth certificates, social security cards, some personal items I left for them for when they are old enough to understand and letters, lots of letters. I’ve had a lot of time these past days and I’ve filled it with writing. I’ve written all my thoughts for them down and had my attorney put them in the box. There’s letters for different events in their lives and letters for situations they may have to deal with, as well as letters to help guide them and teach them.

I hope that you’ll keep my memory alive; that you’ll honor me as their mother. And though I’m sure you’ve found a real love affair (I heard you were getting married) and I know how badly they are going to need a mother, that you won’t let them forget me. I give my blessing to your wife (if she is by now) to care for them and love them like her own. And though my initial reaction is one of jealousy, I know that it’ll be the best thing for everyone if you eventually changed their last name to yours and your wife adopted them.

I know this letter may seem like it’s never ending, but I couldn’t end it without telling you about our daughters. I’m sure you’ve done the usual testing just to make sure you are the father, and I’m not upset by that. Nowadays you can’t be too careful and I have no doubt whatsoever that you are the father. And if you’re reading this, then you know that they’re yours. So let me tell you about them. About our beautiful baby girls who saved me and filled my world with laughter and tears and such joy the human heart and body can’t possibly contain it all.

Having a child is like having your heart walking around outside of your body; it’s scary and vulnerable and there’s nothing you can do to keep them protected and safe 100% of the time. But if you let it, it can be the most wonderful and glorious decision there ever was. I hope you’re able to reach that point and I feel assured that once you meet them and get to know them, you won’t be able to help but love them.

Ashlyn Grace is older by three minutes. She came out kicking and screaming and is a force to reckon with. She’s dynamic and dramatic and knows what she wants and how she wants it. Her favorite things are tea parties with her dolls and stuffed animals and don’t be insulted if she makes you play it with her and then puts a big floppy hat on your head. She loves stories about princesses and wants to be one for Halloween. Her room is decorated in pinks with a princess bed and canopy and when she grows up she wants to be a ballerina princess, complete with sparkling tiara and wand.

Ireland Faith came into the world via a c-section because she was breech. And once they removed her and were able to clear her mouth and nose, she had such a healthy cry. Ireland loves pinks and frills and is as girlie as her sister is. Though she is a bit more sensitive and reserved. Ashlyn knows no strangers and Ireland takes her time warming up to someone. She loves to do her ballet and would probably wear her leotard and tutu around the house all day if I let her. If you asked her what her favorite things were she would tell you bubble baths, ballet, her stuffed rabbit Greta and her sissie and mommy. She’s not sure what she wants to be yet for Halloween, but when she grows up she wants to be a rabbit doctor.

The girls are fiercely protective of each other and the very best of friends. And they both love to sing and have those pure voices that melt your heart and make you hold them close. I know they got that talent from you because I’m no singer. They love music and dance and I do my best to fill their lives with it. We used to dance around the house together before I got too sick.

Of course, I want you to make your own conclusions on them and their personalities. I want you to go into it with a clear head so you’re able to form a bond of your own and not one because of something I may have mentioned in here.

The girls know about you a little bit. They didn’t start asking the daddy question until I got sick. I never want to lie to my sweet angels, so I did the best I could with what I had. I told them that their father lived far away; but that I was sure he loved them very much. That he had an important job that kept him busy and someday soon he would come to meet them. I told them what a wonderful man you were and how you made me feel beautiful and wanted when I was at my worst. And you did, Alex, you really, truly did.

I have to thank you for that and thank you for the dearest and precious gifts I’ve ever received. They were all I needed to make me feel whole again and after they were born, my life was one for the better. You saved me that night, not even knowing, and I’m forever grateful to you.

The girls know that I’m going to go be with Jesus soon. They don’t understand all of it or why their mommy can’t ever come back to visit, but they know I’m going away. I didn’t want to have to tell them, but I couldn’t bear just being gone one day and them not knowing why I left. They know I’m very sick and each day they have come visited and brought me handmade get well cards. I can’t tell you how much it means to me that you’re here and you want to meet them. They are my heart, my life, and it’s so hard to be leaving them. So please take care of them, love them and nurture them and hug them every single day. They really are going to need it.

I better stop now before my eyes are too blurred to read my writing. I hope I’ve answered your questions and given you as much information as I can in what little time I have left. I’m so sorry I won’t be around to give you the help you may need with them, but I trust that you’ll find your way. I hope they make an impression on your heart when you meet them and you’re able to forgive me and love them like they deserve and want. They’re innocent in all this and they need a family. They need you.

Thank you, Alex. You’ve made the last four years of my life the best ones yet. I can now rest and my mind will finally be at peace. Give Ashlyn and Ireland my love.

With much appreciation,

Melody Porter

PS. They have your eyes, you know.

My heart was in my throat and tears were escaping down my cheeks as I finished the letter. I smoothed my fingers over the silver key taped to the bottom of the page and closed my eyes. Her words echoed through my head and I wanted to get up from the bed and drive to whatever house they were in and gather them in my arms. Those sweet little girls who I already knew I loved.

Tomorrow, Eve and I would go to the neighbor’s house, we would meet Ashlyn and Ireland and then we would take them home. Home to California where, together, we’d all four learn how to be a family.

Brett McAllister arrived before noon on Friday. Eve, myself and Brett sat down over sandwiches and poured over every single line of all the paperwork. It took two hours to go over it all and really understand the legal jargon and when we were finished, Eve and I signed where we needed to and Brett said he would send the copies to wherever they needed to go. There wasn’t anything sneaky or tricky in them; just basic paperwork the courts required and I felt much better once it was all completed.

Then it was time to head on over to where the girls were staying. David appeared again with his town car and we took the five minute drive across town to Cedar Bay Drive. The house was two stories and a grayish blue color with black shutters and a wide porch. The yard had two big trees that shaded it and a few children’s toys were scattered about; a tricycle, a scooter and a basketball.

Once parked along the curb, David opened the door, but I didn’t budge.

Eve reached and took my hand. “You can do this,” she spoke quietly with conviction in her voice. She fully believed I could, but I wasn’t so sure.

“What if they don’t like me?”

I knew my wife could see the fear in my eyes. She pressed a kiss to the back of my hand. “They’re going to love you. How can they not? You’re sweet and caring, have the biggest heart and I know you’re going to do everything in your power to take care of them. They may not love you immediately, but they’re going to fall in love with you. And when they see how much you love them…they won’t be able to help themselves.”

I smiled at her words. “You always know just what to say.”

She kissed me softly. “Just trust me, baby. It’s going to be okay.”

And with that, we slipped from the car and met up with Mr. Jeffries. He led us to the front door where a slender woman with blonde hair pulled back into a bun and friendly green eyes greeted us. She introduced herself as Mona Lock and welcomed us into her home.

I could tell immediately that she had children of her own. Not just because pictures of a smiling baby and a little toe headed boy adorned the living room, but toys were scattered about, the TV was playing some children’s television show and remnants of carrots and celery littered the coffee table. The house was definitely lived in and I shared a smile with Eve at how homey it felt.

Mona Lock swiped up the remote and muted the television and the young boy who couldn’t be any older than five gave a protest. But his mother shushed him and told him that the grown ups needed to talk and he ran off to play Monster Destroyers in his room. I chuckled at that and had visions of him with a towel tied around his neck like a cape as he jumped from his bed with a plastic sword killing all the evil monsters.

“Sorry about Charlie,” Mona apologized as she set the remote down next to a baby monitor.

“No need to apologize,” Eve spoke, glancing in the direction he’d disappeared. “He’s adorable.”

“Don’t tell him that,” she arched a brow and chuckled low, “he says he’s tough as nails and all boy and anyone tries to call him cute or sweet or adorable, better look out.”

I laughed. “I remember those days.”

Her green eyes met mine and she smiled. “I’m sure you do.” Then she looked between Eve, Mr. Jeffries and myself. “Would anyone like anything to drink?”

We all politely declined and Mona invited us to have a seat. Eve and I took the love seat while she and Mr. Jeffries perched on the couch.

“So, you’re here to meet the girls?”

I nodded and felt myself reaching for my wife’s hand. “Right. And um…we’re going to take them to California. That’s where we live,” I added as if she would have wondered why we were going to California.

Mona smiled some. “As much as I’ll miss having them around, I think that’s the best thing for them right now. They,” she hesitated and I saw her exchange a look with Mr. Jeffries.

“What?” I questioned, suddenly feeling like I was on alert.

Mona’s eyes settled on my face again. “Well, it’s only been a bit over a month since Melody passed. You have to understand that’s very hard for little ones. They have their ups and downs and they miss her so badly.”

Next to me, Eve nodded in sympathy. “We can understand that. This is probably going to be so scary for them.”

“It really is. From the moment they first saw their mother in the hospital to today they’ve been frightened and worried. But I think,” a smile touched her mouth, “that having their father around is going to help so much. They ask me a lot if their dad is going to come get them now that mommy is gone.”

And then I wanted nothing more than to go into whatever room they were in and wrap them in my arms forever. I was never going to let these girls go and I was going to do my damndest to fulfill the promise I’d made after reading Melody’s letter. They were already my heart and I hadn’t even met them yet.

“Well,” Eve spoke up for me, “they aren’t going to have to worry about that any longer.”

Mona smiled. “I’m so glad. Alright, shall we go meet them?”

We agreed and she led us from the living room, up a flight of stairs and down a narrow hallway with light gray carpeting. Stopping outside a closed bedroom door done up in a rich mahogany color, she turned to us. “Mr. Jeffries and I thought that we would go in first and explain that you have come to see them. Then we’ll bring you in.”

I nodded wordlessly and she and the attorney slipped into the room.

“You’re doing great,” Eve said low from beside me. She reached and smoothed a hand over my back. “Are you feeling okay? You’re not gonna pass out on me again, are you?”

I chuckled low and shook my head. “No, no, I’m okay. Just….just a little nervous. I feel like my heart is on speed or something; it’s racing so fast I feel like it’s gonna squeal tires and take off like a race car."

Eve laughed softly at that. “You got this, baby.” Then she leaned up and kissed my cheek.

I hoped she was right and that my heart would calm itself before it entered the Indy500. It wasn’t but a few minutes before the door was opened again and Mona motioned us to enter.

Reaching for Eve’s hand, I gingerly stepped into the room and felt my heart drop down into my toes at the sight of my daughters. They were seated at a little table made especially for small children. One had a pink feather boa around her neck and shoulders and the other wore a floppy straw hat with a large pink flower pinned to it. Two cups of tea, empty of course, were sitting on matching saucers before the girls. And the other two chairs at the table were occupied by a large teddy bear donning a tiara and a rabbit in a pink tutu.

It was the most precious sight I think I’d ever seen and my eyes instantly grew misty. There they were in flesh and blood right before my very eyes and I found I couldn’t move. A strange sensation had entered my head and dimmed my hearing and it was a moment before I realized I wasn’t breathing.

With a start, I gasped for a breath and tried to force the pressure from my head before I passed out again and scared everyone.

Next to me, Eve gently nudged me forward and released my hand.

Ack, I was on my own now. What was I supposed to say? Do I just introduce myself as their dad, or should I say Alex? Am I supposed to hug them? Would they want me to touch them? I didn’t think my legs were going to work, but somehow I found myself crossing the room to the table and slowly crouching down between them both. “H…hello,” I managed to force out.

Both girls eyed me with caution then turned their gazes to Mona.

She smiled and touched the head of the girl wearing the boa. “Girls, you remember Mr. Jeffries and I talking to you about the man that your mama asked to take care of you?”

Their little heads nodded, but neither spoke.

Mona drew the girl in the boa closer to her side. “Well, this is him.”

The one in the floppy hat turned her attention back to me and eyed me, taking in the tattoos on my neck and my bald head with a Band-Aid on it now to cover the stitches. “Are you our daddy?”

Her voice was as sweet as a lullaby and I felt my heart melting. A lump was forming in my throat and I found I couldn’t force any words around it, so instead I nodded my head.

Both of them stared at me, the one in the floppy hat inching closer until her little arm brushed my own. “For really real? No take backs?” She whispered loudly.

I resisted the urge to slip my arm around her. “For really real,” I echoed her in a hoarse whisper of my own. “No take backs.”

She studied me for half a moment longer then suddenly tears were filling her adorable doe eyes and her chin trembled.

I blinked at that and felt my own eyes widen. Had I done something? Not even five minutes and I was already making one of them cry. “Wha…um….”

Mona rose from her spot and around the table to sink down beside the teary eyed girl. “Ashlyn, it’s okay,” she soothed as she slipped her arm around the child and held her close.

Ashlyn, as I learned from Mona’s comment, turned and threw herself into the woman’s arms, burying her face into her chest and holding her tight. I could hear her muffled sobs and it tore away a piece of my heart. With panic in my eyes, I looked to my wife for help.

She sent me a sympathetic look, but didn’t come any closer and I understood her reasons on why; awkwardness, the girls not knowing her and not wanting to bombard them with too much at once.

“Um…is she um….is she okay?” I questioned Mona, turning my attention back to her and my daughter.

Mona smoothed her back and held her close, her eyes meeting mine. “It’s been very rough on them both since…Melody…” she trailed off and I understood why she wasn’t saying more.

“Of course.” Suddenly I wondered if this might be a mistake. Showing up while the girls were in the middle of grieving and uprooting them from the only home they’ve known and the only people they’ve known and taking them to a strange place far away. Maybe I shouldn’t have come at all. Maybe Mona, or even Mr. Jeffries, was the right people to raise them. “I um,” I thumbed toward the doorway, “maybe I should go.”

Mona pursed her lips then shook her head. “No, you should stay. It’s hard, but they do want you here.”

“Are you sure? I uh, I don’t want to upset them.”

“This isn’t because of you.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but stopped short when two little arms suddenly wound their way around my neck. In dealing with Ashlyn, I had lost track of Ireland and now she stood with her arms around me, and her little face peering into mine.

“Don’t leave.”

I don’t know if it was because she was hugging me or the pleading tone to her voice or both, but I felt myself cave and knew I couldn’t, wouldn’t ever leave them. Sinking down onto my butt, I slipped my own arm around her tiny body and drew her closer. “I’m not going anywhere,” I had to choke out as my eyes welled with tears. “Your daddy’s right here.”

And then Ireland climbed into my lap and let me hold her and I felt my heart swell with something much stronger than any love I’d ever experienced before. It was a new feeling and it scared me yet felt so right at the same time.

I couldn’t stop myself from pressing a kiss to the top of her head and smelling the sweet scent of her strawberry scented shampoo. That smell would forever be imprinted in my brain just like the feel of her little arms around my neck would too.

Together, two sets of identical brown eyes turned to Mona and Ashlyn. She had calmed and was now resting her cheek against Mona’s bosom and staring back at us with tear streaked cheeks.

I wanted to say something, but it was Ireland who spoke first, “Daddy’s here to take care of us, Ashlyn.”

Ashlyn’s lower lip trembled and fresh tears filled her eyes. “I want mommy,” her voice wavered as she spoke.

I wanted her mommy to be here too and I wanted to snatch her from Mona and hold her close. “I know, sweetheart,” I heard my own voice trembling. “I’m so sorry that she’s not here.”

“She had’a go to Heaven,” Ireland spoke so matter of factly. “She said that God had a very ‘portant job for her to do there.”

Ashlyn frowned at her sister. “God is stupid.”

“Ashlyn,” Mona interjected herself into the conversation, which was fine by me. “We don’t say that word. It’s not a nice word.”

Ireland’s brows drew together as she eyed her sister. “God is not stupid. He needed mommy to do a ‘portant job.”

I watched between the two, wondering if this was going to become a bigger argument and if so, how was I supposed to handle it. And that’s when I realized that Eve and I hadn’t discussed how we were going to discipline them and what kind of way we would raise them. We so weren’t prepared for this.

“I need mommy!”

Ireland looked like she was gearing up for a comeback when Eve appeared at my side and lowered down to her knees. “Hello,” she spoke in a friendly tone, looking between the two girls. “My name is Eve, what are your names?”

The two looked to her, caught off guard at the quick transition to another subject. But it worked and their ruffled feathers settled and the attention on God, their mom and just who was stupid dissipated and they focused on my wife.

Ireland spoke up first, “I’m Ireland.”

Eve smiled at that. “Ireland; that’s a beautiful name. It’s very nice to meet you, Ireland.” When the little girl smiled, she turned her attention to the other twin. “And what’s your name?”

Ashlyn didn’t appear to be as quickly fooled as her sister. She studied Eve intently and waited a moment before responding, “Ashlyn.”

Eve didn’t let it faze her. “Ashlyn,” she repeated after her. “That is such a beautiful name. How old are you girls?”

This time it was like they were in sync. “Four,” they chorused together. Ireland even did a visual aide by holding up her hand and showing four fingers.

“My gosh, you girls can’t be four.” Eve eyed them in a cute manner and looked them both over. “Are you sure you’re four?”

“Yes!” They spoke again at the same time and I thought briefly it was like surround sound.

“Hm,” she pressed her lips together as if she were thinking it over very hard, “well, alright, I believe you. But you’re the two most beautiful little four year olds I’ve ever met. Do you remember my name?”

Ireland giggled softly before replying, “Eve.”

“Good job!” My wife reached out and touched the tip of Ireland’s nose with her finger. “What smart girls you are.” She surveyed the table then looked to Ashlyn. “Are you two having a party here?”

Ashlyn nodded, pulling herself from Mona’s arms and fixing the hat on her head. “A tea party.”

“Ooh, I love tea parties. I had quite a few when I was four years old.”

Ireland rose from my lap and wrapped the boa back around her neck. “Do you want to have tea with us?”

And then Ashlyn was moving around the table to reach for the teapot. “You’ll really like it. It’s got secret ingre’dants.”

Eve sent me a sideways glance then turned her attention back to the girls. “I would be honored to have tea with you girls.” She settled herself on the floor at the corner of the table.

“Wait! You hafta wear this!” And Ireland hurried over to a small toy box then returned with a feathery, magenta colored boa.

My wife gave a gasp and took the boa. “Ooh, this is gorgeous. I’ll definitely wear it.” Then she wrapped it around her neck. I caught her eye and she sent me a wink before turning back to the table.

Ashlyn made a dramatic scene with pouring the tea into a cute little pink teacup then set it in front of Eve. “And here’s your tea.”

Eve peered into the empty cup. “Mm, smells so good. What flavor is it?”

“Strawberry cinnamon,” Ireland announced with conviction.

“Don’t forget my secret ingre’dants,” her sister interjected.

“Wow, you know something, girls?” My wife leaned over the table some and peered to them both.

“What?” Ireland leaned toward her, her big brown eyes wide.

A smile tugged at the corner of Eve’s mouth. “Strawberry cinnamon is your daddy’s most favorite kind of tea. I bet you he would love to join us.”

Two sets of identical brown eyes looked my way and I couldn’t help but grin at them. “I would love to have some strawberry cinnamon tea.”

And then Ireland was off and running for the toy box to fetch something for me to wear and Ashlyn was pouring another cup. And just like that, we were in.

~*~*~*~*~

“You were so great with them.” It was later that night and Eve and I were snuggled together in the bed in the motel. We’d spent the majority of the day at Mona’s with the girls. The day had been filled with tea parties and stuffed animal introductions and playing princess in the backyard and discovering that I loved the sound of their giggles and knew I was probably already wrapped around their fingers.

Eve smiled softly. “I really was, but so were you.”

I couldn’t help my own smile. “Today was the best day of my life. Well, save for the day I married you.” I smoothed my hand over her cheek. “I can’t believe how beautiful and sweet and wonderful they are.”

“They really are something else.” She settled her head against my bare chest. “Tomorrow, let’s call a moving company to come and get the girls things. I was thinking, why are we so worried about their bedrooms? Why not just do them up like the ones they have here. I would think it’d be more familiar and comfortable to them.”

“You’re probably right,” I agreed. “Tomorrow, while I go to the bank with Brett to check the safety deposit box, why don’t you see if Mr. Jeffries will let you into their place and you can take pictures of the bedrooms?”

“I can do that.” She kissed my chest. “And maybe tomorrow for dinner, we take the girls somewhere; just the four of us.”

I smiled at that. “I think that’s a great idea. Though I don’t know where we’d take them here. In case you hadn’t noticed, there aren’t a whole lot of choices.”

“I know. So maybe we drive into Columbus. It’s only a half hour drive. We could make an afternoon of it; go to the park or somewhere a four year old might like, then have dinner and bring them home.” Sometimes she was too smart for her own good.

I tilted my head to see her face. “Have I ever told you that you’re a genius?”

Eve laughed softly. “Among other things.”

I let my fingers trace up over her ear then down her neck and toward her shoulder. “We’ll do that. Then we also need to figure out the best way of packing their things and getting them moved and settled into their new home.”

“Maybe tomorrow at dinner we talk to them about it.” She lifted her head to meet my gaze. “I don’t think surprising them or trying to pull any quick ones are the best thing for them at this moment. They need stability and the truth and I think if we talk to them and tell them all about California, maybe show them pictures of our families, they won’t freak out as much.”

“Either way I think it’s going to be really hard for them to leave here.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose with my fingers. “They aren’t going to want to leave their mother’s friends or the place that reminds them of her.”

Eve pressed her lips together and was quiet for a moment. “May I suggest something?”

I turned my head back to hers. “Of course.”

She pulled herself from me and pushed herself up, sitting cross-legged and facing me. “Maybe when we get back home we should look into getting the girls a therapist. Someone who really knows and understands how to help children cope with death and major changes that it brings.”

“You think they need therapy?”

“Maybe that’s the wrong word.” She pushed some hair from her face. “Counseling would be more like it. We can do everything in our power to love them and care for them, but we aren’t professionals and we don’t know children’s behaviors and signs of serious trouble. I think letting them talk to someone who is unbiased and they know they can really let their feelings out to, will really help them in the long run.”

I watched her, unsure how I felt about the idea. “… I don’t know.”

“Alex,” Eve reached and took my hand, “they’re four years old; they’re still learning all about life and they’ve already lost a mother, learned they have a father they’ve never met, met him for the first time today and are going to be moving across the country and leaving any familiarities behind. To them it might feel like they’re leaving their mom and they may view us as the bad people for wanting them to do that.” She paused a moment and when she spoke again, I saw the tears shimmering in her eyes, “I just want to help these girls. I already love them so much and I want to make this transition in their lives as easy and painless as it can be. Think about it from their aspect.”

And then I did and then it began to scare me. What if they did start to view me as the evil one for taking away all ties they had to their mother? What if they thought I wanted them to forget all about her? What if they began to think that Eve was going to replace her? My wife was right; we needed to make sure this affected them as little as possible and if that meant letting them talk to a counselor, then that’s what we were going to do.

“Okay,” I agreed. “As soon as we’re back in town we’ll look for someone. But she’s going to have to be the best there is, because I won’t accept anything less.”

My wife smiled then settled back down against me. “Of course not. Not when it comes to your girls.”

I slipped my arm around her and pulled her closer. “Our girls. You’re not trying to take their mom’s place, I know that and the girls will too, but they’re as much yours as they are mine. After today, how can they not be?”

She smiled then wiped tears from her cheeks. “I’m sorry about my attitude on our wedding night.”

“Forget about that, baby, I already have.” I brushed some hair from her face.

“I love them.”

“I know.” I pressed a kiss to her forehead then wiped away another tear.

Eve sniffed some then finally rested her head back against my chest. “We’re going to be alright; all four of us.”

And with that thought drifting around in my mind, and my heart fully agreeing, I fell into a peaceful sleep.

On Saturday, Brett and I spent the morning at the small bank in town; First Community. I was given access to the safety deposit box and had brought along an attaché case to carry the contents back to the hotel in.

Melody had warned me that I would find lots of letters and other various items; but I was surprised at the vast amount of things. Envelope after envelope was rubber banded together; one thick pile with Ireland’s name on it and one with Ashlyn’s. Their birth certificates and social security cards were included and there were photos, lots and lots of photos; some of just the girls and others with Melody and them, or Melody and one or just Melody herself.

Upon lifting the first picture with Melody in it, I studied it and felt a familiar twinge inside. I did remember her. Her hair had gotten longer and a shade darker, but those big green eyes and that dimple in her cheek when she smiled were still the same. It felt strange to be looking at a photograph of a woman I had known so intimately for such a very brief moment and now we had two daughters. And it saddened me that she’d been taken from the world so early. She had been so young; I don’t think she was older than 30. How did someone that young develop breast cancer then let it beat her? It just didn’t make sense. But a lot of things in this lifetime didn’t.

Tucked amongst all of the letters and photos were a few different sized boxes that looked like they housed jewelry. Upon peeking inside I could see I was right in my assumption. Must be the jewelry Melody had that she wanted to pass off to her daughters. Which in turn made me wonder what was going to happen to all of her belongings? If the girls were going to be getting any of it and what exactly. I was going to have to remember to ask Mr. Jeffries about that.

Reaching for the last of the items inside the box, I saw my name on one of the envelopes. Melody had written me another letter. Wondering if this one was as personal as the last one, which I had offered to let Eve read, but she had said no, that it was something between Melody and me, I glanced over to my attorney and showed him the envelope.

He shrugged some as if he wasn’t sure what it would contain and I sank into the chair at the table and opened it up; setting aside a smaller envelope that had been folded into the pages. Smoothing the papers, Melody’s familiar handwriting was before me and I began to read.

Dearest Alex,

I’m sure you weren’t expecting to hear from me again, but I feel like there’s still so much more to say. I hope you don’t feel like I’m intruding into your life and trying to control how you’re going to raise our children. I only want what’s best for our little girls and I don’t want them to ever forget about me. Right now I’m the most important thing to them, but once I’m gone I know that’s going to change and that’s difficult for me to really accept.

Breast cancer was the last thing I was ever expecting. And because of that, and being so young, it wasn’t detected until it was already in stage four. The cancer had progressed very quickly and seemed to spread even faster upon being discovered. I underwent chemotherapy and more testing and alternative medicines than I think I can ever remember. All I remember is how sick I was and the scared expressions on Ashlyn and Ireland’s faces. One night when they were crying in my arms and it took all my strength to hold them, I realized I couldn’t do that anymore.

I wanted to fight it. I tried so very hard to fight it. Leaving my precious little babies alone was the very last thing I wanted. But I couldn’t continue and scar them for life. And the doctors were not very optimistic with my outcome; it had spread too far through my body for a mastectomy. That’s when I started the letters. I knew our little girls were going to be left motherless and I couldn’t let them grow up without some kind of guidance or words of encouragement.

I’m sure you’ve found them. I rubber banded them together and each girl has their own pile. They’re labeled with their name and the occasion. Different occasions warrant different notes or letters; I’ve written to them about their first day of school, first real love, first real heartbreak all the way up to their wedding day and the day they have children of their own. I know it may seem like a lot to ask you to remember the occasion and not forget about the letters, but seeing as how I won’t be there for them, I feel like it’s okay for me to request that.

Aren’t they beautiful girls? I’m sure by now you’ve met them and I can feel in my bones that you’ll love them. Love them like no other. They want nothing more than to know their father and there’s a part of me that does regret not bringing you together earlier. But I’ve already explained all that.

One of my biggest concerns is moving them to wherever you may live. I know that it’s going to be difficult to uproot them from the life they’ve only ever known and to a new place to begin again. Especially without their mother. I don’t want you to feel like you’re taking them away from me or that we’ll lose the connection we had since I first heard those sweet little heartbeats.

It isn’t like that and I know that. Trying to get Ashlyn and Ireland to understand that is something entirely different. Which is why, included within this letter, I added one for them. I am hoping that you’ll read it to them and that it will help them understand why they must move on. They aren’t forgetting me or forsaking my memory, they’re just starting fresh with a man they’ve wanted to meet since they found out about him.

There are also two trinkets taped to the letter that I think will help them greatly. I’ve written my reasons and explanations to the girls about them and I feel assured that things are going to work out in the end. They’re not going to remember everything about me, or everything I’ve said or done for them, but they won’t forget how I made them feel; loved, needed, safe and cherished. I hope you will continue to instill those feelings into them and that they’re going to grow up and know they’ve always been loved and wanted, from the very get go.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and for carrying out my wishes. You’re going to do so great with them, I just know it. You’re a nurturer and you have a heart bigger than you realize. I’m sure they’ve already found a place there and the road ahead is going to be more brilliant, more colorful and much brighter than ever before.

With much thanks, appreciation and love,

Melody

I finished the letter with thoughts swirling through my mind. I had already vowed to raise them and love them just like their mother had done. But this note just strengthened those convictions and I made a vow right then and there to make sure both girls would never forget Melody, the love she held for them or her words of encouragement and advice.

Folding the note back up, I set it aside then took the smaller envelope I’d discovered inside the note and tucked it into my jacket pocket. I would read it to the girls at dinner; it had come at the right time and I was already hoping that it would help them understand the move and not be scared or upset.

Thinking about the girls, who I realized had been constantly on my mind since I’ve found out about their existence, I remembered that Eve was meeting up with Mr. Jeffries and was going to take notes and pictures of the room they had in their home. The moving company would meet us tomorrow and we would spend the day packing their belongings and then shipping them off to California.

I needed to catch Mr. Jeffries and find out what things of their mothers the girls were going to get and what was going to happen with the other belongings. And if the girls had the opportunity to look through her things and pick some items they felt they might want. I was determined to let them have whatever they wanted and we would see to it that it fit in our home.

With that in mind, Brett and I finished up with the safety deposit box then left the bank and headed off to meet with my wife and Mr. Jeffries.

~*~*~*~*~

After all the errands had been finished, Saturday evening found Eve, myself, Ashlyn and Ireland in Columbus. We spend the afternoon at a park that had more jungle gyms, slides, monkey bars, swings and other fun recreational toys than I think I’d ever seen before. Of course Ashlyn and Ireland loved it and nearly wore themselves, and me, out trying to do everything at least once and some things two, three or four times.

I felt like a kid again as I ran around with them; catching them at the bottom of the slides, pushing them higher and higher on the swings, helping them on the monkey bars and chasing them playfully across bridges. Not to be outdone by me, Eve did her fair share of running and climbing and playing and chasing after shrieking and laughing girls.

I think this was one of Eve’s best ideas. I could tell the girls were having the time of their lives and then it made me wonder when the last time was that they got to really play like this. When was the last time they’d laughed till tears rolled down their cheeks and gotten to spend a few hours being kids and doing things that kids did? They were four not twenty-four and the things they’d been through in the past six months or so, were not things that a normal four year old should have to go through. And seeing the way their eyes lit up as Eve and I pushed them on the swings or raced down the slide with them touched something inside and I knew this moment was going to be imprinted in their heads for years to come.

Finally, when every one of us was exhausted, we piled into the rental car I had procured; child seats included, and followed the GPS to an out of the way diner with fun music and brightly colored booths. There was a real jukebox over in the corner and Eve and I gave both the girls a quarter and let them choose a song to play. Then we dined on burgers and French fries and milkshakes until our tummies were full and I could see both girls’ eyes drooping from the excitement and rigor of the day.

It was there, in our little booth out of the way of the other patrons, that Eve and I joined hands and turned our attention onto the girls. It was time to tell them about California and the life that awaited them there and to read their mother’s letter to them.

“Have you girls have fun today?” I questioned after the server had cleared the dishes and the girls were slouched in the booth, digesting their dinners.

“I had the best time ever!” Ireland exclaimed with a big smile on her face. I had made note to remember that Ireland had worn the pink top and Ashlyn the turquoise one.

Eve matched her grin then reached over the table with a napkin in her hand and wiped some ketchup from Ireland’s cheek. “I had the best time ever today too.”

“Can we do it again tomorrow?”

Ashlyn giggled at her sister’s question. “Yeah! I wanna go to the park every day.”

“That would be pretty awesome, huh?”

Ireland’s doe eyes landed on mine. “It would be the bestest ever!”

I chuckled and smoothed the napkin that my coffee cup was sitting on. “As fun as that would be, I don’t think we could do that every day. But,” I lifted a brow and looked between both girls, “we’ll try to go to the park as often as we can.”

Ashlyn giggled again. “I really, really like that.”

I smiled and reached across the table to brush my finger over the tip of her nose. “Good, I do too.”

“Daddy,” Ireland spoke up a bit more demurely than her previous tone.

I turned my attention to her, finding that every time one of them called me daddy, I liked it more and more. “Yes, sweetheart?”

“Are you gonna live in Miss. Mona’s house with us?”

Ashlyn nodded her head at hearing that. “You could sleep on the floor in our room.”

I exchanged a look with Eve; here we go. Turning back to the girls, I sat up a little straighter and shook my head. “No, girls, your dad already has a house.”

Both their faces dropped and their shoulders slumped.

I winced, realizing how that probably sounded. “But,” I quickly interjected. “That’s what Eve and I wanted to talk to you about.”

“That’s right,” Eve reached across the table and took Ireland’s hand, “we have some pretty exciting news for you both.”

The older of the two eyed me cautiously. “What’s that?”

I wet my bottom lip and suddenly felt completely unprepared. Eve and I had discussed at great length how we would tell them about the move, but it was like all that confidence and preparations had gone out the window and I had no idea what I was doing. “Well, Eve and Mr. Jeffries and Miss. Mona and I have been talking and we think that it’s very important that you two get to stay with me and Eve.” I felt like I was flailing around trying to grasp any words that made sense.

“In the motel with you?” Ashlyn looked confused.

Eve smiled softly at her. “Actually, your daddy and I have a nice, big house with a really big backyard and a swimming pool that we thought you might like to come live with us in.”

Ireland’s eyes widened. “A swimming pool?”

“That’s right; a swimming pool.”

“Do you have a swing set?”

I chuckled low and shook my head. “Not yet, baby girl, but once you and Ashlyn get settled in, we’ll go buy a really big swing set with a slide and a sandbox and monkey bars.”

Eve nodded at that. “We sure will.” Then she leaned forward over the table some as if she were going to share a secret with the two girls. “And you know what else we could get?”

Both girls leaned toward her, transfixed by her tone and words.

“A playhouse!”

Ireland’s eyes widened to the size of silver dollars. “A playhouse?!” She sounded like she simply could not believe it. Then she turned to her sister. “We can have tea parties in the playhouse!”

Ashlyn was studying us like she could just see the wool we were trying to pull over her eyes. “Why do we gotta do that?”

I pressed my lips together a moment before responding, “Because that’s where I live and Eve and I want you to be with us; to come and join our family and live with us.”

“What about our stuff?”

Eve reached over to touch Ashlyn’s arm. “You’re going to get to bring your stuff. Tomorrow we can start packing it all up so you have it with you at your new house.”

Then the curly haired brunette frowned at Eve. “I don’t want a new mommy.”

I half wondered why she thought she would have one then realized it probably had something to do with Eve living with us and being female. “Sweetheart,” I slipped from the booth and to their side, lifting and settling Ashlyn in my lap and slipping my arm around Ireland, “Eve is not going to be your new mommy. You have a mommy and no one is ever going to take her place. Eve just wants to love you and to be there for you and to help you learn and grow.” I peeked to each of their thoughtful faces. “You two are such lucky girls to have so many people that love you.”

Ashlyn folded her arms across her chest. “Is Miss. Mona an’ Charlie an’ Lyd’a and Mr. Keith gonna come with us too?”

I held her securely to my chest. “They have to stay in their home. Charlie and Lydia and Mr. Keith and Miss. Mona are a family and you and Ireland and Eve and I are another family. So we’re going to go to our house and live and they’re going to stay in their house and live.”

“What about mommy?” Her voice was so sad and I could see the tears beginning to develop.

“You’re mommy is part of our family too.” I smoothed her hair then pressed a kiss to her temple. “We’re never going to forget about her and you and Ireland can bring whatever things that remind you of her with you to your new house.”

Ashlyn leaned up from my embrace. “She’s not gonna know where we are? She’s gonna come back and will be lost!”

I felt my heart squeeze at her words and the desperation in them. “Oh, sweet baby.” I gently pulled her back to me and hugged her close.

Next to me, Ireland’s face grew even longer and sadder. “Mommy said she can’t come back, but Ashlyn says she’s gonna.”

“She’s gonna cuz she loves us and God hasta let her!”

“But she’s doin’ a ‘portant job.”

“So.”

I bit my bottom lip some and looked over to my wife with worried eyes. How did we handle this? What did we say? I didn’t want an argument between the two of them to erupt, but I wasn’t sure how to comfort and calm them.

“You know what?” Eve rested her forearms on the table and leaned forward some. “Your mommy thought you might be confused and worried, so she left your daddy a special note for him to read you.”

I had nearly forgotten about that. Sending her an appreciative look, I shifted Ashlyn some then withdrew the small envelope from my jacket pocket. “That’s right. I have it right here.”

“What does it say?” Ireland leaned and peered at the envelope.

“Did Mommy send it from Heaven?”

I paused at Ashlyn’s question and shifted my eyes over to my wife. How was I supposed to answer that? What if they wanted to write letters to send to Heaven, which would be okay, but when they didn’t get the responses back I had a feeling it would crush them. Honesty might be the best policy here.

“Actually,” I began. “Your mom wrote it while she was still here with you and saved it for me. I got it from Mr. Jeffries. She saved a lot of special stuff for both you girls and she has told me the right moments to give them to you.”

They looked deflated that it hadn’t come from Heaven.

“She has some special gifts in here for you, though,” I said, hoping that would make up for it.

“She got us gifts?” Now Ashlyn was trying to peer to the letter in my hands.

I smiled and kissed her head. “She sure did. Okay,” slipping her from my lap I tucked her between myself and her sister then turned to face them both, “I’ll read you the note first and then give you the gifts.”

Ireland couldn’t sit still. She wiggled and fidgeted in her seat, her fingers fiddling with each other. “I wonder if it’s ice cream.”

Ashlyn gasped. “You think mommy got us ice cream?”

Eve laughed. “I don’t think ice cream would fit into a letter. It would melt all over the writing and then you wouldn’t be able to read it.”

They both looked thoughtful at that, like they were really considering if it would happen that way. Finally, Ashlyn shrugged and nudged my leg. “Read it.”

I smiled. “Okay.” Then I slipped the envelope open and pulled out the papers, feeling something heavy tucked in the middle. Carefully, I unfolded the pages and let the two little trinkets fall into my hand, closing my fingers around them so neither girl would see them.

Letting my eyes scan the page, I read over the first few lines silently then cleared my throat and began to speak them out loud.

”My sweet and precious Ashlyn and Ireland,

I know the past few weeks have been very difficult and hard, and I’m so proud of you both. So very proud at how you’re handling things and how you’re already growing and becoming even more beautiful young ladies.

I know things must be very confusing right now and if I could take you into my arms and hold you close and make it all better, I would. I miss you as much as you miss me and I’m sorry it had to go this way. But I know that your daddy is already taking very good care of you and it makes me so happy to know that you’re together and get to be together forever.

And that’s why I’m writing this note. I want to let you both know that it’s okay to miss me and it’s okay to be sad, but I don’t want you to be sad forever. I want you to know that things are getting better and you’ll be laughing and smiling and happy again and I don’t want you to feel bad for that. It’s good to smile and be happy and I want you to feel that way.”

I paused and shifted my eyes toward them; they both sat watching me like they’d been hanging on to my every word. Returning to the pages, I continued before they could be pulled from their stupor.

I hope you will make lots of happy memories with your daddy. I want you to. I want you to run around and play and have fun like little girls your age should be doing. Can you do that for me? And know that I am always going to be with you; I’ll always be in your heart and no matter what you’re going through or how old you get, I’ll be there and my love for you will be washing from the Heavens and down over you.

Your daddy lives in a place that’s far away from the home you know. He has his own house and his own friends and he has more family; more people for you to meet and to love you. What special little girls you are to have so much love and so many people there for you.

I know it’s scary to think about moving to a new place and leaving everything behind, but you’re not alone. You have your daddy and all the other wonderful people who love you there for you. And you have me; right there in your heart where whenever you’re scared or alone, just remember when I would hold you and how that would feel. And hopefully that will help soothe you.

And if not, your daddy’s arms are waiting to do the same job.

Think about the wonderful adventure you both are going to get to have and all the great people you’ll meet who will make your life so happy. Be open to loving again and having that special bond between someone. And lastly, know that wherever you go, no matter how far away, you’re not losing me and I am not going to be upset. I will always know where you are and will always be looking down and watching out for you.

That’s why I got you some very special gifts that your daddy will now give you. They’re very special and I know that they are going to really help you. This way, when you’re wearing them you’ll know that I’m always looking out for you. I will never forget you or stop loving you. Take good care of them and I know that your daddy is going to take such good care of you.

I love you always and forever,

Mommy”

I lifted my eyes to their faces and could see tears shimmering in both sets. “Would you like to see the gifts?” I had to clear the lump in my throat away before speaking.

They wordlessly nodded and I held out my hand, opening it to reveal two silver chains with a little angel dangling on it. Each angel had a small pearl stone to represent their birth month pressed into the center of it and from the weight I knew they were more than a cheap metal. These necklaces would last the girls for a long, long time to come.

“Ooh, those are beautiful,” Eve breathed out from her spot across the table. “What a wonderful idea your mom had; to give you some guardian angels so you know she’s always looking out for you.”

I smiled and let them each pick a necklace. “She sure did. Your mommy was so smart.”

Ashlyn peered the necklace over. “She’s a pretty angel.”

“Just like your mommy.” I kissed her head. “Do you want me to put it on you?”

They both nodded and I managed to get the necklaces opened and clasped around their little necks. “There we go. Ooh, how pretty they look,” I exclaimed once they were on both girls.

Ireland giggled softly. “Now mommy is always with us.”

“That’s right.” Eve watched them with a smile on her face and tears glistening in her eyes. “She’ll always be right there close to your heart.”

“And she said it’s okay to move to your house.” Ashlyn climbed back into my lap. “And if we get scared we can still talk to her.”

I smoothed my hand over her cheek then held her close. “That’s right. Wherever you go, she’ll be there too.”

Ireland sidled up to me then wiggled her way into my lap too. I shifted Ashlyn so she had room then hugged them both to my chest. “Your mommy loves you both so very much, but so do I. I love you more than you’ll ever realize.”

Both girls snuggled against me and I was pretty sure they were growing tired. It’d been a long and busy day and ended emotionally, so they were drained on every level.

Kissing the tops of their heads, I gave them a squeeze. “How ‘bout we take you back to Miss. Mona’s and give you baths then put you to bed. And tomorrow we’ll talk more about your new house.”

They gave muffled responses and while Eve paid the bill, I carried the girls out to the car and tucked them into their seats. Then my wife joined me and we headed back off to Berkshire.

It took about five days to get the girls packed up and ready for the move to California. We went through their home and let them pick out whatever mementos of their mother they wanted. Mr. Jeffries said he would take care of everything else; I guess Melody had wanted some things donated to certain charities.

On the fifth day we watched the moving van that housed the majority of the girls’ items head on down the road for California. Then the four of us joined the Lock family for a late goodbye lunch before piling into a rented SUV and making our way to the airport.

The girls were fascinated with the airport and the airplanes and as we waited for the boarding call on our flight, Eve and I stood at the large floor to ceiling windows that looked out over the taxiways as Ashlyn and Ireland told us where each one was probably headed to or coming from. They had the sweetest imaginations and I think more planes were on their way to Sesame Street than any other place.

Finally, the call came for boarding and we made our way onto the plane and got situated in first class. I wasn’t intent on only flying first class, but with the girls and the long flight, it would probably be easier on everyone. Especially considering this was their first time on a plane.

And it proved a good decision as the plane taxied down the runway and lifted into the air. Both girls wanted window seats, so Eve and I sat across from each other in the aisle as my daughters pressed their faces to the window the best they could and watched the ground disappearing below. It was wonderful to hear the excitement in their voices and try to calm them as their ears popped and they became alarmed with the pressure.

The flight, long as it was, didn’t go too badly. About halfway to Los Angeles, they both fell asleep and my wife and I covered them with blankets we’d tucked into the carry ons. Then Eve and I held hands across the aisle and tried to figure the best way to get them out of the airport unnoticed. I knew how much the paparazzi stalked LAX and ending up on the front page of TMZ was not what I wanted. I had been planning on releasing a statement, but not for another week or so.

Eve’s parents were supposed to be meeting us once we landed and then taking us on to our home. I’m pretty sure her mom was over the moon excited to meet the girls and the last thing I wanted was extra attention. So we had decided that her parents would stay in their vehicle and after collecting the luggage, we’d head out and they could pull up along the curb.

Eve put the call in to her parents from the in-flight phone and then I made my own call to arrange for one of the bodyguards that usually keeps an eye on us during tour to meet up at the airport once we landed. A little extra security might not be a bad thing right now.

It turns out, I was right to be worried about the paparazzi. Once we had landed and were making our way down and into the baggage claim, they descended like wolves in a pack. Cameras were flashing and video was rolling as they tried to surround us and shout questions about the girls and their mother and what mine and Eve’s thoughts were on everything.

Neither Ashlyn nor Ireland knew what to make of the ordeal and I reached and plucked Ireland off her feet, pressing her face to my chest to help hide her from view. “I gotcha,” I spoke lowly to her as she gave frightened sounds against my shirt.

Next to me, Eve was doing the same with Ashlyn and then Geoff appeared and began to work the crowd around us back. “Move out of the way!” He barked out at the men and women trying to close in on us.

For the most part, they abided. No one wanted to clash with the 6’4 man that looked all muscle and sounded even scarier. Thankfully we were able to make our way through the throng of seedy reporters and toward the exit. I was already planning on sending Eve’s father in to gather the luggage. No one would recognize him.

Finally we were outside and Eve’s parents’ Honda Odyssey was waiting.

“C’mon, this way,” Eve called over to me as she pushed her way through the throng of cameras and hurried over to the Honda. I was right on her heels and together, we shoved the girls in through the waiting door and clambered in behind them.

Eve’s father put pedal to the metal and took off before they could surround the vehicle and before any of us were even in our seats.

“Under normal circumstances you would be in so much trouble,” his wife commented from her spot next to him in the front. “Driving with little ones not even in their car seats yet; that’s so dangerous.”

“Under normal circumstances I would never have done that,” Spencer replied with as he glanced in the rear view mirror and back to us.

“I would have to agree with Spencer,” I spoke up as I lifted Ireland and strapped her into one of the car seats their step grandmother had purchased.

“It would have been more dangerous to wait until they were buckled,” my own wife agreed, seeing to it that Ashlyn was securely strapped into her own seat. “There we go.”

I joined my wife in the row of seats behind the girls and pulled my phone out, sending a quick text to Geoff asking him to secure our luggage and bring it on to the house. Then my brow furrowed and I looked to Eve. “How the hell did they know?”

From her spot in one of the middle seats, Ashlyn craned her neck and tried to peer into the backseats. “Ooh, daddy, you said a bad word.”

“You’s gonna get a time out,” Ireland chimed in.

I blinked then looked to my daughters. “Daddy’s very sorry.”

“You mama is gonna put you in a time out.”

Eve chuckled low at that. “I’ll have to make sure I tell her.”

Ireland nodded her head firmly, her curls brushing her cheeks. “For …uh…daddy, how old is you?”

I held back a chuckle. “Thirty-three.”

“Wow!” Ashlyn’s eyes widened. “You’re gonna has a time out for thirty-three minutes!”

“That’s a long time,” her sister agreed.

Up in the front, Eve’s mother gave her own laugh. “Oh my, we’ll have to make sure he gets that time out, won’t we, girls?”

Both of them turned their attention to the front. “Who are you?” Ashlyn questioned. “Are you daddy’s mommy?”

“Oh, no...I’m Eve’s mommy.” Lorraine smiled sweetly at the girls. “My name is Lorraine and it’s so very nice to meet you both.”

They eyed her cautiously then Ireland smiled. “Are you taking us to MacDonalds?”

“It’s not MacDonalds,” her sister corrected her. “It’s McDonalds.”

“It is so MacDonalds.”

I felt a laugh rise in my throat and spill from my mouth as the two bantered back and forth. My sweet baby girls didn’t seem fazed one bit by what had just happened with the paparazzi and the relief of that and the stress of the entire situation was turning into laughter at the pure innocence of Ashlyn and Ireland. For a few moments I wasn’t even concerned with how they had found out about everything. I was just caught up in listening to how the world was through four year old eyes.

Eve reached over and squeezed my hand. “You should call Douglas,” she spoke of my PR rep. I had been in touch with him a couple times while we were in Ohio, so he knew enough about the story, but with word somehow leaking to the press, I needed to find out exactly what was going on and Douglas would know.

“I’ll call him as soon as we get to the house.” I didn’t want to do it in front of the girls. “Maybe Lorraine and Spencer would like to stay for a little bit,” I tossed out there for everyone.

Spencer, who had also introduced himself to the girls, glanced back to us. “Have you guys had dinner yet?”

“Do we get MacDonalds?” Ireland piped up again. “I want the shicken nuggets.”

McDonalds was not on the top of my list of favorite restaurants anymore, but I had a feeling we’d be making lots of trips to the place now that Ashlyn and Ireland had joined us. “We ate some on the plane, but I’m sure the girls are getting hungry again.” I know I was.

“I’m getting hungry too,” Eve interjected. “What if we swung through the drive thru for the girls then took it home. I think we have something at the house I could whip up real quick.”

“That sounds good to me,” my father-in-law said from his spot behind the steering wheel. “Anyone know where the closest McDonalds is?”

And we were off in search of the restaurant as my two daughters cheered from their seats.

~*~*~*~*~

It took awhile before I was able to speak with Douglas. Once back at the house, we got the girls washed up for dinner then settled them at the table. They dug into their chicken nuggets and apple slices while Eve made the adults some sandwiches and heated up some soup. Geoff showed up halfway through the meal with our luggage and after dinner, we spent some time getting everything sorted into the proper rooms and putting away what couldn’t wait until tomorrow.

After that, Eve’s parents took their leave and then it was bath time followed with quite the struggle to get the girls to brush their teeth. Which in turn was followed with about fifteen minutes of being thirsty and needing a drink of water and a trip to the bathroom before they were finally tucked into the queen sized bed in the guestroom that was soon to be their bedroom.

“I bet you two are so sleepy,” I said as I smoothed the covers over Ireland, making sure she was tucked in nice and cozy. The clock on the nightstand glowed 8:35, but felt so much later since we were all still running on Eastern Standard Time which was three hours ahead.

“I’m pretty sleepy,” the older of the girls spoke from her spot. She yawned real big as if to prove her point then rubbed her eyes. “But I don’t really like this big bed.”

Truth be told, neither did I. It was way too big for the girls and they had to feel like they were being swallowed up. “I don’t really like it either.” I reached over and smoothed my hand on her forehead. “But your beds will be here soon and then we never have to see this old bed again.”

“Are our toys comin’ too?” We had made sure to pack a few of their most favorite toys in their luggage, just to be safe. And at the moment, Ireland had her stuffed rabbit, Greta, tucked into her arms and Ashlyn was hugging her bear, Mr. Chubs.

“Ooh yes, all your toys and clothes and most favorite things are on their way right now to your new house. And as soon as they arrive we’ll fix your new bedroom up just the way you like it.” I smiled at them both then leaned and kissed their sweet little faces. The bed being so big, the girls had opted to sleep on the same side cuddled together, so it was much easier to reach them both from one spot.

They seemed satisfied with that answer and settled under the covers. Then Ireland peeked one eye open and met my gaze. “Who were all those people from today?”

I held back the chuckle at how cute she was with one eye open and one eye closed. “Which people?”

“All the ones who was yellin’ at you.”

“Yeah?” Ashlyn joined in. “Why was they takin’ all those pikshures?”

I gave an inward groan. “Those were just people who wanted to get pictures of us. They were so curious about whom you guys are and they wanted to know what was going on.” I didn’t want to lie to them, but how easily would four year olds understand about the paparazzi and being a celebrity. Not very, I was sure.

Ireland was now watching me with both eyes open. “It was a little bit scary.”

“I’m sure it was, baby. It was scary for Daddy too.”

Ashlyn nodded her head in agreement. “Yeah, will you tell them to never do that ah-gain?”

I smiled then leaned and kissed their cheeks once more. “I sure will. And you two don’t worry about those people okay? You just let me handle it.”

“Okay.” Ireland yawned then her eyes drifted closed, Ashlyn’s following soon behind. “Love you, Daddy,” she murmured sleepily.

I felt a tug on my heart at her words. “I love you,” I whispered softly. Then I checked the covers once more to make sure they were tucked in just right. So far this daddy thing wasn’t proving too difficult, but it had only been about a week.

Rising from the edge of the bed once I was sure the girls were down for the night, I made sure the nightlight was on in case they woke up and needed to use the bathroom or couldn’t remember where they were, then shut the lamps next to the bed off and slipped from the room.

Eve was waiting for me in the hallway. “Hey.” I smiled at the sight of her then slipped my arm around her as she joined me.

“You’re so great with them.”

“I’m doing my best.” I drew her closer and pressed my face into her neck, taking in her sweet scent and the feel of her body against mine.

“It’s definitely showing.” She touched my cheek. “But um…Douglas called while you were in there with them.”

I lifted my head. “He did? Did he see footage from the airport?”

My wife had an expression on her face that was making alarm bells ring in my head. “Not exactly,” she spoke slowly.

“What’s going on?”

Eve pressed her lips together for a moment then patted my chest. “Maybe you should just call him.”

I arched both brows. “What do you know, Eve?”

She made a little face. “You’re going to be really upset. And I mean really upset.”

I could feel my heart kicking up a notch and took hold of her shoulders, remembering not to shake her or squeeze too hard. I didn’t want to scare or upset my wife. “Eve, just tell me. You’re really scaring me.”

She shifted her gaze toward the slightly open door of the girls’ room then pried one of my hands from her shoulder. “Not here. Let’s go downstairs.” Then she turned and led me down the hallway and back to the first floor.

I followed behind with worry and apprehension flowing through me. Finally, we made it to the living room and I tugged her arm some, turning her to face me. “Okay, spill.”

Eve opened her mouth to respond, but my phone that was on the coffee table sounded and cut her off. I leaned over and snatched it up, seeing my mother’s name and picture on the screen. Torn between answering it or finding out what info my wife was holding, I finally pushed to accept the call, hoping to tell my mom I’d call her right back.

But she never gave me the chance. Before the word hello was even from my mouth, she was cutting me off, “Alex, I cannot believe this! This is completely uncalled for and I just can’t believe that someone would do something like this to you and those little girls!”

I blinked. “What um…what’s going on?”

She paused a half a second. “Have you not seen Weekly World Gossip?”

Weekly World Gossip was a tabloid that we as celebrities abhorred. It was worse than US Weekly or anything TMZ did. The reporters (or slimy snakes) that worked for them had a way of discovering a celebrity’s biggest or darkest secret and splashing it across the front page for the entire world to see. They were nosy, intrusive and got their stories without any regard for what it might do to that person or their life.

And from the tone in my mother’s voice it sounded like they had settled their sights on me. Wonderful.

“You know I don’t read those bullshit papers.” I ignored the tsk my mother made at my choice of words and watched my wife. The look on her face told me that my mother had beaten her to breaking the news.

“Alex, this is really bad. This…this Thomas Frank really did his research and from the information in here, it sounds like he was right there in Ohio with you.” She paused. “And he has pictures.”

I felt a chill go through me. “You mean it’s not just some….gossip blurb?”

“No, sweetheart. This is a three page article with pictures and lots of juicy information. There’s even a photo of this Melody Porter; God rest her soul.”

I think I was at a loss for words. “How…how did you find this, Mom?”

“How else do I find out anything? You know your fans email me all kinds of tidbits.”

“What…what does the article say?”

“You want me to read you the entire thing?”

“Maybe you should just email it to me.”

“Douglas already did.”

I glanced over to Eve at her statement. “Oh,” then back to my mom, “okay, never mind. My PR rep’s already emailed it Eve says.”

My mom gave a heavy sigh and tsk’d again. “I just … I can’t believe someone did this to you and those girls. Your entire story is here; everything. They know about Melody and the cancer and her Will. They even have quotes from some of her neighbors.”

I felt sick to my stomach. “Do they have pictures of the girls?”

“Yes. And pictures of you with the girls. Someone was following you, Alex. I could read this entire thing and feel like I was right there with you and Eve.”

I didn’t know what to say. We had thought we were being so careful and keeping it all under the radar. How had we not noticed some nosy reporter sniffing around town while we were there? I felt like such a moron.

“Um, thank you, Mom, for letting me know about this.” I reached up and rubbed my forehead, feeling an ache starting there behind my eyes. “I’m going to check the article out and call my PR rep.”

“Sure thing, sweetheart. I’m so sorry this is happening. Do you need anything?”

“Not at the moment.”

“Are you still wanting me to come out there?” Originally we had talked with my mom about her coming out to stay for a little bit once we returned with the girls, but then our stay in Ohio went a little longer than expected and we had kind of left her visit in the air.

“Of course.” I nodded my head. “I’m just not sure when yet. I think we want to get the girls’ things out here and set up and get them adjusted first; especially now that the news has gotten out there.”

“I understand that, honey. I can’t wait to meet them. They’re so beautiful.”

I couldn’t help my smile. “They really are. You’re going to love them so much, Mom. They’re just…they’re wonderful.”

“I’m sure they are.” She sighed some and I was picturing her rubbing the bridge of her nose beneath her glasses. “Keep me updated, alright? And if you need anything, anything, you know you can come to me.”

I smiled. “I know, Mom, and I appreciate that and I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. Give those girls and Eve my love.”

I said I would and then we ended the call. I set my phone back on the coffee table then turned to my wife. “My mom sends her love.”

Eve offered up a tiny smile. “She’s doing okay?”

“Mhm, just blown away by this article that’s come out.” I reached and drew her into my embrace. “Have you seen it yet?”

“No, I wanted to tell you about it first.”

I tilted my head to see her face. “Should we read it?”

She sighed some then pulled back from my arms and took my hands in hers. “I don’t know, maybe we don’t. Maybe we just ignore it and say ‘who cares’ to anyone’s that’s trying to get into our business.”

I mulled her words over a moment before speaking, “I really don’t want to get into any drama.”

“Me either.”

“I could just issue a statement saying that yes, I recently discovered I have two daughters and due to some very unfortunate events, they’re now in my care.”

“That sounds good to me.”

I squeezed her hands some. “And we can just say ‘fuck the paparazzi’ and concentrate on Ashlyn and Ireland.”

“Other than the swearing part, I’m game.”

I chuckled and kissed her lips. “I still need to call Douglas.”

“Okay, baby.” She wrapped her arms around me in a hug. “We’ll do the statement and leave it at that. And then do our best to ignore what they’re printing or saying about everything.”

“Right.” I returned the hug and pressed my face to her hair, sighing at the scent of her shampoo. “And we’ll do our best to keep the girls out of the spotlight until this has all died down.”

“Which it will the minute some other celebrity does something drastic enough to take the attention away.”

“Mhm.” I pressed a kiss to the top of her head then disentangled myself from her embrace. “Let me go call Douglas and then maybe we could take a shower and spend some quality time together upstairs.”

Eve smiled at that then gave my butt a quick pinch. “I like that thought. I’ll be in our room waiting.” Then she turned and sashayed toward the staircase.

I watched her go then took up my phone again to call my PR rep.

The scream woke both Eve and me. I had been in a deep slumber dreaming about eating a cheesecake while riding on a bicycle and it had broken through and pulled me to the land of the living.

Next to me, my wife sat upright in the bed. “What was that?” She questioned with her voice thick from sleep, but alarmed.

I wasn’t sure what to respond with until it came again and then we both knew and my blood ran cold. The girls.

“Something’s wrong,” I called to her as I flung the covers back and bolted from the bed, nearly running from the room stark naked.

“Alex, your pants!” Eve called after me as she slipped into a robe to cover her nude body.

I blinked and skidded to a stop. “Right.” Then grabbed some black lounge pants from a chair and struggled into them as I hurried down the hall. I was so used to sleeping in the buff that I hadn’t even considered it might slow me down if my daughters needed me.

Eve was on my heels and together we burst into the girls’ room to find them both sitting up in the bed.

“What’s wrong?” I flipped the switch and the room exploded in light.

Ireland shrank from the brightness, hugging her rabbit to her chest. “Ashlyn’s screaming again.”

As if on cue, the older of the two gave another scream, her eyes wide and her little chest heaving hard beneath her night shirt.

I felt my stomach pitch to my feet at the petrified expression on her face and dropped down onto the bed next to her. “Ashlyn, honey, what’s wrong?”

But she didn’t seem to hear me. Instead, she clutched her bear tighter and screamed again.

I shared a worried look with my wife then turned back to my daughter. “Ashlyn, baby.” Gently I reached and touched her arm.

This time she looked in my direction and I felt a wave of chills race down my spine at the horror in her eyes. I don’t think she was even blinking.

“It’s got to be a nightmare.” Eve rounded the bed to the opposite side then climbed up on it and over to us. “She’s still sleeping and having a nightmare of some kind.”

I was at a loss for words; she looked wide awake. But the expressions on her face and the terror in her voice were scaring the bejeebes out of me. Next to me, Ireland shrank into my side and I slipped an arm around her. “Does she do this often?”

Ireland shook her head. “She didn’t do it till Mommy went to be with Jesus.”

I frowned and watched as Eve gently guided Ashlyn’s body to her chest, holding her close and secure. “It’s alright, Ashlyn,” she soothed as she stroked the younger girl’s hair. “You’re safe here. Nothing’s gonna get you.”

I watched as Ashlyn seemed to fold right into my wife’s arms. Her screaming stopped and her face relaxed and then her breathing began to slow. It wasn’t until I saw her eyelids flutter closed that I realized I was holding my breath. Letting it out, I turned my attention back to Ireland. “Are you alright?”

She drew her bunny closer and leaned into my side. “It scares me when she does that.”

“How often does she do it?”

Her lithe shoulders shrugged. “Not every night, but still a lot.”

“What happens when she does it?”

Ireland tilted her head some. “Well, she sits up and screams and screams. Sometimes Miss. Mona would come in, but sometimes she wouldn’t. And I would try to talk to her, but she never acted like she was listenin’.”

“Ashlyn or Miss. Mona?”

“Ashlyn.” Ireland climbed into my lap and tucked herself against my chest.

“That’s because she’s still asleep,” Eve explained in a hushed tone as she eased Ashlyn back against the pillows and tucked the blankets back around her body.

“But she looks awake.”

“I know she does, but sometimes people have nightmares that make them look like they’re awake when they’re not.” She leaned and brushed a kiss over Ashlyn’s forehead then smiled at Ireland. “I’m sure it was very scary and you’re such a brave girl to try to help your sister.”

Ireland leaned from me and peered over to her sister. “She gonna be okay?”

“She’s gonna be just fine, sweetheart.” Eve reached and smoothed a hand over Ireland’s cheek. “Are you gonna be okay?”

Ireland shrugged some and hugged her bunny.

I shared a look with my wife then snuggled my daughter close. “What if we sat over in the rocking chair for a bit?”

Her brunette head nodded and I shifted from the bed with her in my arms and crossed over to the glider chair by the window. Sinking down into it, I held her close and hummed softly.

Eve turned the lights back off then settled on the bed next to Ashlyn, smoothing her hand over the small girl’s back to help soothe her and keep the nightmares away.

“Do you know how to sing a lul’by? Mommy used to sing us lotsa lul’bys.” Ireland peeked her big brown eyes up to mine.

Honestly, no, I didn’t. But I couldn’t tell her that. Instead, I racked my brain trying to remember the one I would hear Brian and Leighanne sing over and over to their son Baylee when he had been little. But the words just didn’t want to come, so I was going to do what singers/songwriters do best and improvise.

I smiled down at her sweet little face and kissed the tip of her nose. “I sure do know a lullaby.” And after tonight I would make sure I knew two or three more. Maybe I’d even write one of my own.

She smiled at that then settled back against my chest, hugging her bunny to her side.

Sharing a look with my wife, I winked her way then cleared my throat and began to sing new lyrics to an old tune,

“Hush little baby don't you cry,
Papa's going to buy you an apple pie.

If that apple pie turns sour,
Papa's going to buy you a pretty flower.”

I knew Eve had to be amused at the lyrics I was inventing, but she stayed silent and in my arms, Ireland’s body began to settle more.

“If that flower starts to fade,
Papa's going to buy you some lemonade.

If that lemonade's too cold,
Papa's going to buy you a ring of gold.”

I shifted her gently in my arms as the glider moved slowly back and forth. Her little eyes were closed and her breathing had deepened. Feeling proud of myself, I finished the song, trailing off at the end.

“If that ring of gold rolls away,
Papa's going to rock his baby all day.”

Ireland didn’t move and I mentally cheered myself. I had done a pretty damn good job there and was feeling so proud and successful.

From the bed, Eve smiled and I slowly stood, lifting Ireland into my arms and crossing the room. Laying her back in her spot, I tucked the covers around her again then smoothed the hair from her face and kissed her cheek. “Sleep tight, sweetheart,” I whispered before doing the same to Ashlyn.

Eve joined me and we watched them both for another moment before cutting the lamp off and leaving the nightlight on to create a nice glow. Taking her hand, I slipped from the room and allowed her to close the door halfway. Then we took the path back to the master bedroom and inside.

“That was beautiful,” Eve commented as she slipped her robe off and climbed back fully nude under the blankets.

I chuckled low and joined her, still wearing the lounge pants. “Thank you; that was a McLean original.”

She waited until I was situated in the bed then snuggled her warm body to mine. “Did you do that on purpose?”

“Not really,” I chuckled and slipped my arms around her, “I couldn’t remember the original lyrics or think of any real lullabies so I improvised.”

“Well, you did a great job.”

I smirked. “Thank you.”

Eve patted my chest then peered up to my face. “I’m worried about Ashlyn.”

“I am too.” My brows drew together some. “Ireland said that her screaming nightmares started up once their mom passed.”

“I heard her.” She traced her fingers over the bare skin of my chest. “Tomorrow I’ll check around for places to find a good counselor. Poor Ashlyn.”

I hugged my wife closer. “Poor Ashlyn and poor Ireland. This just hurts my heart so much.”

“I know it does, baby.” She slipped her own arms around me. “We’re gonna get them through this. They’ll be laughing and smiling and happy little girls before you know it.”

I hoped she was right, because the idea of them suffering and being scared or sad nearly broke me in two. They were already my life and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure they came through all of this as unscathed as they could be.

~*~*~*~*~

The next day, while Eve was in my office trying to locate a good therapist, I was in the kitchen trying not to burn the pancakes.

“Did you ‘member the choc’wate chips?” Ireland questioned as she swiveled on the stool at the counter across from where I had the pancakes cooking up on the griddle.

I blinked. Damn, I had forgotten them. “Uh, nope. They’re right here.” And I grabbed then up from where they’d been pushed aside. Quickly, I sprinkled some over each pancake then gently pressed them into the lightly browned breading.

Ashlyn, who was seated next to her sister, frowned some at my actions. “Mommy would put them in the battah before cooking them.”

“Well, this is how daddy makes pancakes.” I winked at them then tossed the chips aside. “It’s his special chocolate chip pancake creation.”

That made my cynic giggle.

I grinned at that, so glad she didn’t even seem to remember her nightmare from last night. “All right, squirts,” I pushed up from the counter and took two cups from the cupboard, “what do you ladies want to drink?”

“Kool-aid!”

“Gwape juice!”

I blinked at their responses. “Well, daddy doesn’t have kool-aid or grape juice, so how about milk or orange juice?”

“Drats!” Ashlyn exclaimed, then she tilted her head and her brown ringlets brushed her face. “Milk, please.”

“I want milk too,” her sister chimed in.

I obliged and poured them two glasses, stuck bendable straws in to hopefully keep them from spilling the cups, then set them before the two and quickly flipped the pancakes.

Eve came in at that time and while the girls were busy blowing bubbles through the straws and into their milk, she told me that Paige was going to get us some names for a therapist. Seems she knew a few through her work at the hospital and one or two had a lot of experience with children, which I was grateful for.

She also felt inclined to let me know that the whole story about Melody and the girls was getting more attention than we had hoped for. I still hadn’t read the article, or any others, and was determined to keep it that way. But it seemed most networks were picking up the story and running with it and the thought made me sick to my stomach. We were going to have to keep a very low profile for awhile and I was seriously considering hiring Geoff on for those times we would have to brave the public. At least until everything died down.

Suddenly a little girl’s shriek cut through our hushed conversation and my wife and I both turned to see smoke billowing up from the griddle. Before either of us could move into action, Ashlyn swiped up her cup and dumped its contents out and over the griddle and pancakes. A hiss filled the room as the cold liquid met the hot grill and then she was taking Ireland’s glass and doing the same.

“Ashlyn, that’s our pancakes!” Her sister exclaimed, sounding horrified that she was ruining their breakfast.

Both Eve and I lunged for the counter and I grabbed the straws off the griddle before they could melt. “Ashlyn…” Milk covered the griddle and pancakes and was dripping off the sides onto the counter.

My daughter turned her innocent doe eyes my way. “The pancakes was on fire!”

I let my gaze drift down to the milk covered griddle and sopped pancakes then back to her sweet little face. “Well, they’re not anymore.”

She grinned big at that. “I did good, huh?”

“No!” Ireland scowled at her. “Now we can’t eat our choc’wate chip pancakes.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Eve spoke to them both, keeping her voice calm. “We can always make more pancakes. We just…” she surveyed the scene and chuckled low, “we just have to clean this up first.”

“Ireland, the whole house coulda burned down!”

I didn’t have it inside me to tell her there hadn’t been a fire, just some burned pancakes. “I’m very glad that you want to help keep us all safe, Ashlyn,” I began as I swiped some paper towels off the roll to mop the spilled milk up with. “But next time you see pancakes on fire, let me or Eve know and we can take care of it, okay?”

“I was just tryin’ ta help,” her voice quivered and her shoulders drooped.

“Aw, baby,” Eve set the sponge down that she had taken from the sink and moved around the counter to Ashlyn, “you’re not in trouble.” She kissed the girl’s head and gave her a cute squeeze. “We just want to make sure you know to tell adults if you see anything dangerous.”

My daughter sighed and gave a nod. “Okay.”

I sent her a cute little wink. “And just think, we can add the chocolate chips the right way this next time.”

Her ringlets bounced as she shook her head. “No, I want you to make your special choc’wate chip pancake creation.”

I felt my heart swell at that. “Well, I think I can do that.”

She giggled and Eve and I went about cleaning up the mess.

After the counter had been cleaned up and fresh pancakes were browning on the griddle, I refilled the girls’ cups and stuck new straws in them. Eve busied herself with taking out plates and silverware and we both made sure to keep an eye on my daughters and the breakfast.

Soon, we were all seated at the table enjoying chocolate chip pancakes dad’s special way with milk, or orange juice, and some sausage my wife had done up real quick.

“Daddy?” Ireland questioned between bites of pancake, syrup smeared on her cheeks.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

She paused her fork halfway to her mouth speared with a piece of pancake. “After brea’fast, can we go to the playground?”

I hesitated. We’d be sitting ducks at a playground if the paparazzi found us. But we didn’t have the backyard ready for them and filled with enough toys to keep the girls satisfied. And they wouldn’t understand why they weren’t allowed to go out and play. “Well….” I looked over to my wife.

Eve was watching us with a thoughtful expression. “I have a better idea. How would you girls like to meet your cousin?”

Both sets of identical brown eyes turned to her.

“Cousin?” Ireland questioned.

“What’s a cousin?” Her sister asked.

Eve set her fork down and wiped her hands with a napkin. “Well, a cousin is another member of your family.”

Ashlyn tilted her head. “We have more family?”

“Oh, you sure do.” She smiled brightly at them both. “You have lots of family; there’s grandparents and aunts and uncles and cousins.”

“Who are these people?” Ireland sounded surprised.

I met my wife’s eyes and nodded my head, giving the okay for her to continue.

She leaned closer to the girls. “Well, you have a grandma-”

“We have a gramma?!” Ashlyn interrupted her with an excited squeak in her voice. Her eyes were the size of saucers and she turned to her sister. “Ireland, we have a gramma!”

Ireland matched her sister’s expression. “I always wanted a gramma!”

“Charlie had a gramma and I always wanted one,” Ashlyn annunciated each word clearly and for effect. “Where is she?” And then she tilted her head and peered under the table as if her grandma was hiding and waiting for just the right moment to pop out.

I chuckled low. “Well, your grandma is in another state. She lives in Florida and we live in California.”

“You mean she’s not here?”

Her slender shoulders drooped again and I made a quick decision because I hated to see either of them sad or disappointed, especially after everything they’d been through. “Well, not right now. But what if we called her and told her to come visit us? Would you girls like that?”

“Yeah!” They chorused together.

I smiled. “Okay, after breakfast we’ll call Grandma and tell her to come see you guys. She can’t wait to meet you.”

“She knows ‘bout us?” Ireland turned her eager eyes my way.

“Of course she does.” I reached and touched her nose with my finger. “And she’s so excited to see you and she loves you so much already.”

“And me too?”

I turned to Ashlyn and tugged one of her curls. “And you too.”

Ireland giggled, just delighted with this tidbit of information. “Who else do we has?”

“Well,” Eve spoke up again, “you remember Miss. Lorraine and Mr. Spencer from last night? My mom and dad?” When both girls nodded, she continued, “They’re your family too.”

“Are they our cousins?” Ashlyn wiggled excited in her seat.

Eve looked my way, unsure of what exactly to refer to her parents as and I set my fork down and wiped my mouth with a napkin. “Miss. Lorraine and Mr. Spencer could be your grandparents too. You could have more grandmas and grandpas.”

“More?” Both my girls looked like they just could not believe this.

“Oh yes, and you could call them…” I trailed off and racked my brain for some affectionate grandparent terms.

“Nona and Gumpy,” Eve interjected, referring to what her niece called her parents.

It made sense to have the girls refer to them the same that Natalie did. I nodded and sent my wife a wink. “That’s right, you could call them Nona and Gumpy.”

Ashlyn looked thoughtful. “Charlie calls his gramma, Gigi.”

“Do you like Gigi?”

Ireland nodded. “Can we call gramma, Gigi too?”

“Well, how about you call Miss. Lorraine and Mr. Spencer, Nona and Gumpy and then when you meet your other grandma and grandpa, you can call her Gigi and,” I paused. “What does Charlie call his grandpa?”

Ireland didn’t miss a beat. “Skipper.”

I wasn’t sure how Tony would feel about being called ‘Skipper’. “Well, what if we called your Florida grandparents, Gigi and Papa?”

My oldest daughter giggled, so delighted with all of this news. “I can’t wait ta meet Gigi and Papa! And can we go see uh…” her brow furrowed as she tried to remember all the new information.

“Nona and Gumpy,” Eve prompted her.

“Nona and Gumpy,” she repeated with a giggle.

“You don’t want to go play with your cousin?” I questioned. “She has a really neat playground.”

Ashlyn paused like she had forgotten all about that. “Can Nona and Gumpy come play too?”

Ireland giggled around the pancake in her mouth. “Cah ‘e hab-”

“Ireland, wait until your mouth is empty,” Eve gently reminded her of her manners.

She promptly closed her mouth and finished her bite, swallowing it then trying again, “Can we have a tea party?”

“And play dress up?” Her sister added.

“Well, I know for a fact that your cousin, whose name is Natalie, by the way, just loves to play dress up and have tea parties.” Eve winked at them.

Both my girls giggled with excitement and I found myself grinning ear to ear at how happy they were. “Okay, let’s not forget our breakfast,” I reminded them, trying to draw their attention back to the food.

“Oh yeah,” Ashlyn giggled out. “I really like these choc’wate chip pancakes.”

“Me too,” Ireland agreed. “Can we have them every day?”

I chuckled. “I don’t know about every day; you might turn into a big chocolate chip pancake if you ate them every day.”

“Noooo.” My oldest giggled with delight at the thought.

Next to her, Ireland tilted her head and I could see her brain was trying to conjure up the picture. “That would be funny,” she finally said.

I laughed low. “We can’t have them every day, because then they wouldn’t be dad’s special chocolate chip pancake creation.”

“Drats!” My oldest exclaimed.

Ireland giggled and then the two of them worked on finishing their breakfast.

I watched them both then met my wife’s gaze. Despite the slight breakfast mishap, their first full day in California was starting out pretty well. With a smile on my face, I turned back to my own plate.

The events that unfolded at breakfast that Friday set off a whirlwind of activity. We spent the day over at Paige and Bradley’s and the girls took an immediate liking to Natalie. She was a year younger, but that didn’t stop the three of them from playing together in the Reid’s big backyard and dressing up in boas and tutus and tiaras to have a tea party. They forgot about the playground and seeing the smiles and hearing their laughter gave me a sense that I was starting this dad thing out the right way.

My in-laws came over for lunch and my daughters were delighted to refer to them as Nona and Gumpy instead of Miss Lorraine and Mr. Spencer. I saw tears in my mother-in-law’s eyes when she heard the girls call her that. I could see a definite bond forming between them and knew they both would treat Ashlyn and Ireland like they were their own flesh and blood. It made me feel so warm inside to know my girls were surrounded by so much love.

Friday evening, after the girls were bathed and ready for bed, we placed the call to my mom. I settled all three of us on the couch in the family room and put her on speakerphone, listening as the phone rang on her end.

She picked up on the second ring and before I could even respond to her greeting, the girls were talking over themselves trying to talk to her and invite her out and tell her what they could call her. It was confusion and I could only laugh and imagine what my mother must be thinking.

“Al- Wh- Are-” she tried to voice over the girls, but each time was cut off.

Finally, I wrapped an arm around each child and covered their mouths in a cute gesture. “Okay, girls, you have to let daddy and Gigi talk now. Then you can say hello.”

Ashlyn giggled behind my hand then pulled it from her mouth. “Hi hi, Gigi.”

“Gigi?” My mother sounded confused. “Am…am I,” a pause, “Gigi?” She gasped some. “Is this Ashlyn and Ireland?”

And then Ireland was pulling my hand away and they were talking over themselves once more trying to talk to their grandmother. I could only laugh and listen to the chatter.

“And then we was having a tea party!”

“And we has a Nona and a Gumpy!”

“And you’re our Gigi, but you don’t have a Skipper.”

“And Natalie is our cousin! Do you have a cousin?”

“I can’t wait to tell Charlie I has a Gigi too!”

“Daddy, can we call Charlie next?”

“Hey, can we talk to Papa?”

“Where is Flor’da? Daddy says that’s where you live.”

I could hear my own mother’s laughter as she tried to discern what they were talking about. I’m sure she was as confused as ever, but probably didn’t care one bit. She was listening to the precious melodic voices of her grandbabies and I had a feeling she’d listen to them talk about anything.

Finally, there was a slight pause and I took advantage, jumping into the conversation, “Hello, Mom.”

“Alex.” My mom laughed. “This…I….this… this is wonderful!”

I smiled and hugged the girls to my sides. “I think so too. And if they would take turns, they could introduce themselves and each get to talk to you.” I sent them both a look telling them that’s what I wished they’d do.

“Gosh, I can’t believe it’s really them,” I could hear the tears of joy in her voice. “Hello, Ashlyn. Hello, Ireland. I’m,” she paused and chuckled, “well, I’m Gigi, I guess.”

“I hope you don’t mind. They have a friend who calls his grandmother, Gigi. And…they wanted to call you Gigi.” I snuggled my daughters as they squirmed some.

“Not at all. Oh gosh, I’m so honored to be Gigi.”

“Charlie calls his grandpa, Skipper. But we’re gonna call him Papa, okay?” Ashlyn voiced, deciding she had been quiet long enough.

My mom laughed. “Oh, he is going to love being called Papa.”

My oldest giggled and pressed her cheek against my side.

I smiled and took advantage of the pause in conversation once more. “Mom, the girls and I were wondering if you and Papa wanted to come out and visit us.”

I just knew she had to be smiling from ear to ear. “Oh, I would love to come out and visit. I can’t wait to meet you girls.”

Ireland giggled. “We never had a Gigi before.”

“Well, I’ve never had grandchildren before. I’m so glad to be your Gigi.”

“You’ll have to come soon, Mom,” I added. “We can get you a ticket tonight.”

“Well, let me talk to Tony. He’s going to want to come too and we’ll have to figure a time around his schedule. But I could always fly out a few days before he does.”

“That’s right; you’re not glued at the hip.”

She chuckled. “I can’t wait to see all of you. So, Ashlyn and Ireland, what kind of stuff do you like to do?”

“We like tea parties!” Ashlyn exclaimed. “And dressing up all pretty.”

“And playin’ at the playground!” Ireland added.

Ashlyn’s curls bobbed as she nodded her head. “Right; the slide is my fav’ritest ever!”

“I like the see-saw.”

“And the merry-go-round.”

“Oh yeah! And the swings! We can go really high!”

“When ya come to see us, can you take us to the playground?”

“Daddy took us to the playground one time.”

I couldn’t contain my laughter as my mother (and I) tried to keep up with their conversation. Neither of us could get a word in edgewise and I finally had to cover their mouths again to quiet them for a moment.

“Okay, ladies,” I spoke after cutting them off mid-sentence. “What if we talked to Gigi one at a time? That way she can answer your questions back.”

My mother’s chuckle came over the line. “They’re just fine, Alex. I’m really enjoying myself.”

Ashlyn pulled my hand away from her mouth. “Gigi, today we played with our cousin, Natalie. When you come see us I’ll take you to meet her. Okay?”

My mom chuckled again. “I would love to meet your cousin, Natalie.” Unbeknown to either girl, she already knew Natalie, but why spoil the fun?

“We had a tea party in her backyard.” Ireland had removed my hand as well.

“Gosh, that sounds like so much fun. Do I get to join you for a tea party?”

Ashlyn nodded her head with a force that sent her curls swaying. “Yeah! And we’ll make strawberry cinnamon tea.”

“With Ashlyn’s secret ingre’dants,” Ireland added.

“Ooh, you have secret ingredients for your tea?”

The older of the two giggled and covered her mouth before speaking, “Yeah, but I can’t tell you, cuz it’s a secret.”

Ireland wiggled her legs on the couch. “She won’t even tell me!”

My mom laughed. “Well, it wouldn’t be secret ingredients anymore if she told everyone.”

“Yeah!” Ashlyn agreed with enthusiasm.

Ireland gave a pout and I chuckled then kissed the top of her head. “Okay girls,” I spoke as Eve slipped into the room. “Let’s tell Gigi night night. It’s pretty late and I’m sure she needs to go to bed.”

My mother chuckled and Ashlyn’s eyes widened. “Oh, is it past your bedtime? You bettah go to bed.”

“It sure is past my bedtime. You ladies have sweet dreams okay? And I will see you in a few days.”

Ireland giggled and slipped into my lap. “Okay, don’t forget to come see us.”

“Oh, sweetheart, I could never do that,” she responded.

Ashlyn blew kisses at the phone. “Night night, Gigi.”

If my mother could have seen that I know she would be in tears. I reached and smoothed a hand over Ashlyn’s head. “Goodnight, Mom, I’ll call you in a bit.”

“Niiiight!” Ireland called out.

My mom chuckled and when she spoke, I could hear the emotion in her voice, “Goodnight, sweetheart and goodnight my sweet and wonderful grandbabies.”

With a smile on my own face, I reached over and lifted the receiver then set it back down and just like that, she was gone. Sitting back again, I looked between them. “That was pretty neat, huh?”

Ashlyn giggled and gave a nod as her sister stifled a yawn. “Yeah!” She enthused. “I can’t wait ta see her.”

“Me either,” Ireland replied with sleep laced in her voice.

I kissed both their heads. “I can’t wait to see her either.”

Ashlyn clambered over into my lap as well. “Is it time for us to go to night night too?”

I shifted them so they both fit comfortably and hugged them close. “I think so. You’ve had a pretty busy day and I’m sure you both must be exhausted.”

“Not really.” My oldest shook her head, but despite that her eyelids were heavier than normal.

I shared a look with my wife then lifted them into my arms and rose from the couch. “Well, how about we go upstairs and read a book and then settle in for the night?”

She gave a nod as if telling me that were okay and then settled her head against my shoulder.

Glancing over toward Eve, I motioned for her to join us and then together, the four of us headed up the stairs.

~*~*~*~*~

It was the middle of the night and I wasn’t sure what had woken me. But I lay there in the dark staring up at the ceiling and straining my ears for any type of sound that shouldn’t belong. Nothing came, but I had the strongest feeling that I needed to get out of bed and go downstairs.

Glancing over to where Eve lay, I found her asleep and tucked beneath the blankets. She looked like a peaceful angel and I smiled softly; my peaceful angel. I was a lucky bastard, that’s for sure.

Slowly pushing the covers from me, I slipped from the bed as quietly as I could so I wouldn’t disturb her. She didn’t move and I didn’t have to worry about remembering to put on my pants since I would be sleeping with them on from here on out.

I did grab up a tshirt and pulled it on as I headed for the bedroom door and out into the hall. Something caught my eye though and I did a quick backward step back into the bedroom. There on the wall we had mounted one of the control panels for the security system and at the moment a tiny red light was flashing to indicate that someone had set it off either by opening a door or window (or breaking through either).

Immediately my heart was in my throat. Trying to keep the thoughts of a crazed maniac breaking into my home at bay, I moved to the bed and roused my wife as gently and hurried as I could.

She woke with a start. “What’s wrong?”

“The alarm-” but I didn’t get to finish because the phone on the nightstand gave a sharp shrill, cutting through the silence of the night. With a jerk, I grabbed it up. “Hello?”

The man on the other end identified himself as one of the agents monitoring the systems of the alarm company I had our security alarm through. After verifying that I was indeed the homeowner, he said that he’d gotten a signal from this address that our system had gone off due to one of the zone alarms being tripped. However, there had been no indications of any further zones being activated and he was just calling to check and make sure things were okay before alerting the police.

In a hurry, I sent Eve off to check on the girls and asked the man, who’d identified himself as William, what zone it was that had been set off. His reply was the front door and I was out of the room and halfway down the stairs when Eve’s cry that Ashlyn wasn’t in the bed reached my ears.

Usually the alarm had motion sensors that would detect the movements in each room, but when I was home, we only used the alarm that would signal if a door or window was opened or broken. And with Ashlyn not being in her room, I was pretty sure that she’d been the one to set the alarm off.

Telling the man it was probably my daughter; I put him on hold and reached the foyer to see the front door standing wide open. My heart was once again in my throat at the thought of Ashlyn just up and getting out of the house, though knowing the property was completely surrounded with fencing and gates at the drive, I knew she wouldn’t get very far.

Flicking the front lights on, I stepped outside and scanned the yard, seeing no sign of her. Heading down off the porch, I jogged toward the driveway, calling her name out and my voice exploded through the quiet night like a gunshot in the dark.

“Daddy?”

Her voice came from the left and I turned to see her sitting in one of Eve’s flowerbeds. She had a bouquet of various flowers clutched tightly in one hand and tear stains on her cheeks that glistened in the lights from the porch.

Now my heart was in my toes and I dropped to my knees there by her. “Ashlyn, what’s wrong?” Tears were threatening to mist up my eyes, but I forced them back. “What are you doing outside?”

“Mommy needs flowers,” came her teary response and she turned and yanked more flowers from the soft dirt.

Eve prided herself in her flowers and usually spent an entire Saturday out tending to them and pruning and watering and making sure they grew just right. I knew that she would be upset to see the bed destroyed, but I hoped it wouldn’t make her angry. Something was very wrong here and we needed to focus our attention on the sweet little four-year-old wearing a nightgown smeared with dirt sitting amongst the flowers.

My heart was breaking inside as I saw her body tremble and heard her sniffles. I wanted to reach and pull her into my arms, but wasn’t sure if it was the right move to make. “Did you have a bad dream?” I questioned softly, wondering if that spurred her need to come outside in the dead of night to pick flowers.

Ashlyn shook her head and continued her task at hand.

Movement from my left caught my eye and I looked to see my wife there on the walkway, an uncertain expression on her face. Shaking my head slightly at her, I held the phone, which I had muted, in her direction. “Will you tell William that everything is fine and thank him for calling?”

She wordlessly took the phone then turned and headed back for the front door.

Once she was gone, my gaze fell back on my daughter whose bouquet was getting bigger and bigger. Well, at least Eve would have a new project; Operation Restore Flower Bed. Rubbing my tired eyes, I tried to figure my best approach. Nothing came, so I shrugged at myself and asked the obvious, “Why are you picking flowers for your mommy?”

She didn’t respond and I could see her brows furrowing in the dim light that surrounded us. If my mother were here she would say that she was definitely her father’s daughter. “Sweetheart?” I reached and touched her arm.

“No!” She shrieked loudly, jerking away from me and scrambling to a safe spot.

I jerked back myself at her outburst.

After a moment of stunned silence, I tried again, “Ashlyn, honey, tell Daddy what’s wrong.”

But there was no response and so we sat there both lost, but in two very different aspects. Me, I was lost in what to say or do to help my baby girl and she, well she was lost in her task of making the largest bouquet known to man for her deceased mother.

I watched as she meticulously worked on her bouquet, acting as if I wasn’t even sitting two feet away. Her face was one of determination and every other minute she’d sniff or wipe at her eyes with her forearm, streaking dirt on her nightgown and across her face. It tore me in two and I had never felt more helpless. Not even at the lowest point of my life when I was wrapped up in drugs and alcohol did I feel this lost. This was my daughter, my flesh and blood and she was hurting a hurt bigger than her little body could contain and there didn’t seem to be a thing I could to about it.

Who knows how long we sat there; a minute…ten….twenty…an hour, time was lost to me. But Eve reappeared and knelt down next to me, touching my elbow to get my attention.

“Go inside,” she said in a hushed tone.

Without any protest, and not knowing why, I obliged. I rose from my spot, my knees aching from having been on them for so long, then strode tired and weary to the front door and up into the house.

Ireland was at the bottom of the stairs. Her arms wrapped around the banister, leaning against it for support. “Daddy…” she spoke timidly upon seeing me.

“C’mere, munchkin’.” I opened my arms and she ran right into them. Lifting her off the ground, I hugged her close and closed my eyes, relishing in the feel of her little arms wrapped tight around my neck. “You okay?” I questioned as I breathed in her strawberry shampoo and peeked to her sweet little face.

“What’s wrong with Ashlyn?”

I smoothed a hand over her back and headed for the living room. “I think she’s very sad about your mommy going to be with Jesus.”

“Oh.” She was quiet for a moment and I sat us down into a black, leather lazy boy type chair. “I’m pretty sad too.”

“I know you are.” I kissed her head and snuggled her close. “It’s a very sad thing.”

“It’s the saddest thing ever.” And then she was pressing her face into my chest and I could feel her hot tears wetting my shirt.

Tears filled my own eyes at that and I just held her close. There are no words to comfort someone at a time like this and so you just have to let them cry and hold them and show them that you’re there.

We sat there rocking together until Ireland’s tears subsided enough and she peeked to me, requesting another ‘lul’by’.

I kissed her head and wiped her tears with my hand then snuggled her close and began to sing the same one from last night.

Eve came in with Ashlyn while I was on the last verse. Ashlyn was clutching a bouquet so big she had to hold it with both hands and her pink nightgown was just covered with dirt, her cheeks (and hands) smeared with it as well.

Watching them both as Eve stood in the doorway holding the preschooler, I let the last note fade away and then fell into silence. My wife had tears glistening in her eyes and it was on the tip of my tongue to ask what happened, but I knew now wasn’t the time for it.

Though Ireland had no qualms about voicing anything. “Ashlyn, what did you do? You have dirt all over!”

Her sister just turned her somber brown eyes toward the younger brunette and held out the flowers. “For Mommy,” her voice was hoarse from her tears and I could detect a tremor in it.

Ireland looked confused. “Mommy isn’t here.”

Ashlyn’s eyes flashed. “I know! But Eve said we can put ‘em in water an’ she’ll see ‘em from Heaven.”

I smiled at that and shared a look with Eve. I had a pretty smart wife. “That is a wonderful idea, Ashlyn.”

She eyed me shyly then hugged the flowers to her chest. “I’ma keep ‘em in my room. Maybe Mommy will wanna come and smell ‘em.”

That broke my heart all over again and I gently covered Ireland’s mouth before she could tell her sister yet again that their mommy wasn’t going to ever come back cuz of her important job.

Ireland seemed to understand and sagged into me. “Daddy, will you sing another lul’by?”

Ashlyn leaned into Eve and I could see the dirt smudges on my wife’s tank top, though she didn’t seem to care. It was then that I noticed the knees of her pajama pants were caked with dirt.

Tearing my eyes away from that, I focused on Ireland. “Um well … your daddy needs to learn a few more lullabies I do think.”

My eldest daughter lifted her head from Eve’s shoulder. “Do you know … Long As You Love Me?”

I blinked. “As Long As You Love Me?”

Her soft curls bobbed as she nodded her head. “Yeah, by The Backstreet Boys. We love their songs.”

I chuckled softly and looked to my wife who looked as surprised as I felt. “How do you two know about The Backstreet Boys?”

“Cuz Mommy would let us listen to their CD’s,” Ireland piped up. “We used ta sing and dance and clean the house.”

Well how ‘bout that. Though it did make sense considering Melody had been a fan and her daughters’ father was one. Of course she would have wanted to introduce them to the music if even so they could unknowingly hear their father sing. That made me smile and I hugged Ireland a little closer then slipped her to one leg. “I definitely know that song. Ashlyn, do you want to come sit with us while I sing it?”

Ashlyn eyed me carefully. “Can I keep the flowers?”

I nodded and Eve deposited her, dirt and all, into my lap. Thanking my wife, I situated them both, not caring that my own pajama pants were soon smeared with dirt. “Alright, As Long As You Love Me.” And then I began to hum the tune a few bars before leaning my head back against the chair and letting the words spill out so flawlessly,

“Although loneliness has always been a friend of mine,
I'm leavin' my life in your hands.
People say I'm crazy and that I am blind,
Risking it all in a glance.
And how you got me blind is still a mystery,
I can't get you out of my head.
Don't care what is written in your history,
As long as you're here with me.

I don't care who you are,
Where you're from,
What you did,
As long as you love me.
Who you are,
Where you're from,
Don't care what you did,
As long as you love me.”

I watched the girls as I sang, sending them a wink which made them both giggle some. By the time I hit the chorus, Ireland was singing along softly with me and Melody had been right; she did have a beautiful voice.

“Every little thing that you have said and done,
Feels like it's deep within me. Ooh ooh ooh.
Doesn't really matter if you're on the run,
It seems like we're meant to be.

I don't care who you are,
Where you're from,
What you did,
As long as you love me.
Who you are,
Where you're from,
Don't care what you did,
As long as you love me. Yeah eh eh.
As long as you love me.”

By now, they both were singing and a little stronger and more sure of the words. Glancing around for Eve, I spied her standing in the doorway filming us with the video camera. She smirked as I noticed her and I stuck my tongue out her way then turned my attention back to my daughters and the song they seemed to love.

“I've tried to hide it so that no one knows,
But I guess it shows
When you look into my eyes.
What you did and where you're comin’ from,
I don't caaare, as long as you love me, baby.

I don’t care who you are,
Where you’re from,
What you did,
As long as you love me.
Who you are,
Where you’re from,
Don’t care what you did, yeah eh eh
As long as you love me.

Who you are,
Where you’re from,
As long as you love me.
What you did,
I don’t care,
As long as you love me.”

The three of us ended with a gusto and Ireland flung her arms wide. With a chuckle, I kissed her head then Ashlyn’s. “I do believe we have some singers in this house.”

“You girls were wonderful,” Eve enthused after stopping the video and setting it aside to clap for us.

Ireland giggled. “That’s our most fav’rite song.”

Her sister nodded her head. “Yeah, Mommy would sing it to us at nighttime.”

That made me smile and I hugged them close again. “Well, that was a wonderful thing for your mommy to do.”

Ireland nodded her head some then gave a yawn and rubbed her eyes. “I’m pretty tired still.”

“Well, you silly gooses, it’s the middle of the night.” My wife joined us then reached and lifted Ashlyn into her arms. “How ‘bout, let’s go upstairs and we’ll get Ashlyn all cleaned up then tuck you both back into bed.”

My daughter nodded her head like she liked that idea and I rose to my feet with her. Together, the four of us headed up the stairs with Ashlyn’s behavior still weighing heavily on my heart and mind. Eve and I were going to have to have a discussion later so she could tell me what transpired outside after I left and then we would get Ashlyn (and Ireland) immediately into some kind of therapy. I think all of us needed that.