I looked at myself in the mirror. She was right, I had let myself go.

 "I am sorry, Nick." Britney explained. Being the pop star she was, it was a trooper of her to let me open her show. Her all dressed in black sequence and glitter and that Farrah Facett hair style. "But the best thing to do is talk to that girl. Even Brian told me the other day by phone ya'll haven't been yourseleves lately." She told me, as she gave me her chocolate milkshake, which I could tell she had barely touched.

 "But it is so crazy!" I exclaimed. In my simple white blouse top and black tie. "But your not even you anymore, Nick." She said. "Where's the AC/DC guy that everyone loves? You don't even try to have fun anymore, not even on computer games." She told me. "Your like super sad, and I know about the heart thing and that is tough. But you might have to do it." She told me.

 "When the locals are done opening here for Ohia'. Britney told me after giving me a tight hug. "I'll tell the fans, you found her and yourself again." She said with a smile. Once she saw the small tears in my eyes.

"Now stick with it sweetie." As she gave me a huge hug and big southern kiss on the cheek and a laugh as I changed into my street clothes and left the show to go find the girl that had found me and as I changed my clothes and quit that show that day. I knew it. I just totally knew it. From the beginning, it was pre-destined, pre-ordained, God made us in each others lives for some reason, and this is how it went, in our beginnings...

 It was a cold day, the wind was super cold, and the rain was pouring hard. The guys and I had some time off, so I being a Buckeye fan. Totally went into the burbs thinking, 'Nick, you won't meet anyone important, cool, loving, sweet, like you NEED or WANT in a woman.' I was already down about my last realationships with Lauren and these other girls. That Amsterdamn chick with the curls. WOWZIE!

 But I meet her, her short blonde hair, dark blonde with high lights, blue eyes almost the same shade as mine, but that wasn't it, her skin that would tan on her arms, not that wasn't it, the sex parts, yes, but it was more than that. It was, THAT LAUGH.

"HAHAHA-HAHAHAHAH-AHAHAHAHAHAHA-HAHHAHA-HAHAHA" As I heard the laugh in my head and that cute little snort like Brian did after. She did up the vocal scales like a dolphin and then a little hog snort. It was cute and funny at the same time. Then the reading thing, I fell for her like a boulder in the ocean, I knew it after she graduated high school. I had to have her and the day would come when she would be mine. Just mine. No other man's. She was into science, theology, cooking, baking, sex, fun, art, and music, and she loved sports, Bowling, swimming, me, Kaos, and The Backstreet Boys, and had some sort of life, History, english.

 It was 2004, Boy did I fall hard. "I love you, marry me." I asked her at her job. "No, I can't, I want to go to college, if we're meant to be, we'll be." She told me. I cried, and said I wouldn't forgive her and talk to her again, then ironically. She is still here as my friend.

 Then I tried again, and it was so over, and I have been sad on the inside ever since and I guess so has she. But she left me, because I wouldn't talk to her online and I should have, all due to some stupid advice of people thinking of business before personal life. Which isn't always right.

 But this time for sure I know IT'S HER. Lisa Jones, I love you. I thought. Her I go to find you and marry that tight ass of yours.

 I am excited and glad she may finally be mine as I grabbed my water bottle and my meds and ran out of my dressing room with my personal items and left as fast as I could, in a simple green top and blue jeans and my gold cross necklace I love so much. Hopeing God will let me be with her.

 June 30th, 1998 -Columbus, Ohio

  "Come on guys!" Kevin yelled. "The catering is back in the dressing rooms!" He cried out to his band and group members.  Nick was reading his e-mails on his laptop he had a ton. "How are people getting my e-mail?" Nick asked. "No one here likes Amanda." he continued. "Don't worry, Nick. You'll be together forever, if that is what you want and what your destined for." Kevin comforted Nick as he ate some salad in a small bowl than sat beside him in a second chair.

 "Come on, eat something." Kevin told Nick. Then her e-mail showed up. Cutie Pie Angel 822. He opened it. Kevin thought he would watch what Nick was into. "Nick you know those people online don't care about you at all, you might as well be in a bar." Kevin told him. "You'll just get in trouble." Kevin continued. "Your right." Nick said. He read it really quick.

I heard you were sick last week, Nick. I hope you get better. I hope you'll be my friend someday. You seemed like a sweet guy on the message boards.

Love, ur soon to be best friend.

Then Brian grabbed him and turned off his computer. "Nick you have to eat." Brian told him. "You just got over being sick." Nick sighed but ate lunch with the others.

 2001, "Slave for you. I'm not trying to hold it. I'm not trying to hide it,baby." Britney sang live on Z100 for AT40. We rolled our eyes as we recorded our song. "Looking back on the things I have done. I was trying to be someone. I played someone. Left you in the dark. Now, let me show you the SHAPE OF MY HEART." AJ belted in the sound studio the chorus to the song acapella.

"Good job!" Dave our producer said. "But you need to try and harmonize it with Nick and Howie's singing a bit more. "Especially, when Nick is singing that B52 cord, man, you have to hit on that chord and hit that A and D notes when he does to get the sound just right." He continued. AJ nodded. I sat there reading a magazine. I got so bored. I finally decided, I am in ohio with AJ, because our other producer called off. I should meet Lisa for once and see if she is whom I think she is.

 So I took the rental car, a simple outdated sliver chevy. Drove it to her high school. No one stopped me, this was in the days before kids were allowed to go crazy and not being educated, and when entertainers, if they paid off enough people like BSB and I did. They could meet anyone at the schools in the open.

 Howie and AJ were starting to fight over the vocals and production anyways. "No Dave! You have him singing the wrong NOTES!"Howie yelled, I recalled, that finally made me just leave that studio and drive 40 minutes to her high school.

 Then when I got there, I walked into the glass windows by the doors. A bunch of fans laughed at me. Then when I got upstairs, since now was her science class. I came in, "Lisa!" I cried in shock as I saw her. While I wondered the hallways downstairs. "Your lisa." I said disappointedly. "Your ugly. Your supposed to look like a supermodel." I told her. She started to cry. "But why? I can't. Trust me for you I would if I could." She told me. I noticed the high school dance signs and sighed.

 "I didn't get to go to the dance," I lied to her. Not realizing someday I was going to have it bite me in my ass yet. She hugged me, then we dance for 2 minutes, than I kissed her twice. "I love you Nicky." She said in her teeny voice. "I love you too." I lied. Not realizing how long she would be my friend for. But then I realized I was developeing feelings for her.

 Ok, yeah, where was I? Oh yeah, see, I am racing on this motorcycle to purpose to the woman of my dreams and love of my life, Liza Jones. The woman rocks! And I was recalling everything since I meet the crazy little tiger of a woman that she is. After that sweet kissing part, you think I would stop walking into things like doors, windows, and falls, and then it was you guessed it,...... chairs.

 June 16th, 2004, Liza Jones is now 18 and available to date me sorta. Now, if only I can get her away from "babysitting" her family so much. Help her get a life, you know. They have her scared to meet people and get out. Unintentionally, but still.

 "Oh, I can't wait to graduate!" Liza yelped. The class just laughed and she giggled. Then Kevin walked by the long line of kids backstage in that hallway. He had been in it before himself for shows. "Hi" he said to Liza. "Hi, Kevin" She gave him a hug. "Can't wait to see you graduate, Windy." He said. The class stood there in shock all in there bright blue robes and blue caps in shock. "She does know Kevin and BSB." some girl whispered and a couple people whispered back. "Ok, we're front row. You'll see us up there. Enjoy your cake." He said. As he left, Liza said to herself. "I am getting cake." She questioned herself in how she spoke her statement. "I hope it has pink or purple icinings or both." She said. As people laughed at her.

 She just thought, 'Hey, "Aladdin" and "Hawaiian Roll man" were at Graduation day from BSB and he said BSB was THERE. YAY!'

 I sat out there in my seat, drinking water. Then it fell on my pants legs. "Nick, watch what your doing. You know how boring this is going to be, she is one of our friends." Brian reminded me. "Yeah, be good, so she stops referring to me as "Hawaiian Roll Man"." Howie told me. "I wonder what she thinks about it, if we stopped by her house for cake?" AJ asked. "She e-mails enough." He finished. "We would have to meet her family, and we're way too lazy to do that." Kevin said as he sat down.

 "She can't believe it." he answered Kristen's question. "The kids are freaking out there and spazing out that I even showed up." He told her with a big smile.

After nearly 2 and a half hours of ceremony and speeches. "Liza Jones" The Super Attendant of Liza's schools said. She grabbed it and gave a high. We were cheering for her. "YAY! YIPPIE!" I said. She started to blush as her mom took her pictures. You could see how nervous she was it was so cute. But she was even more in shock to see us and our girlfriends, & Kevin and Brian's wives there.  I spillt water on my leg again, when she did that. Everyone laughed, even her, she probably thought I was a loser. Then I walked into my chair. She laughed a little bit and so did everyone else.

 I started to cry. I thought she didn't care then, but her e-mails that night were really sweet. The group and I bonded closer, even through at the time, I didn't want to be with her or date her.

2/15/2001

"I love your smile" she told me. "Your lips, how you do workouts, and those hypnotic eyes." She told me. "I love how sweet you are." She told me. "But the problem is, you pretend it's always my fault, no matter what it is. Business or anything else, I love you, but it's like your "gone". I keep praying you come back to me." She told me.

She was still very young, but it wasn't the time. But I guess she was right.

I looked in the mirror and I began to cry. Then my motorcycle hit a bump and threw me over. I turned it off, and I was fine, but it was broken now. I would have to call a cab or walk to see her now.

--------------------------

L.A. BSB in 2001

"AJ, you have to get a grip and stop singleing out fans over money and stupid shit." I told him. "Like you did, making sure that stayed in Kevin's contract so he has to go in 5 YEARS!" AJ fought back with me. Kevin began to cry a little, he would miss the crowd, but he wasn't as proud of us as he wished he was.

I turned on the movie, "Josie and the Pussycats" after our fight. "What the fuck is wrong with these people?!" I asked myself.

Then I dreamed about her, on clouds in a lime green bikini, dancing, and doing sex moves to turn me on in the sand, grooving to me or my favorite rock bands. The dream itself made my happy as a clam.

"Nick." She said. "Nick." Lisa said as she looked at me. "You ok?" She asked. "Brian called me, he said you walked out of Britney Spears's tour." Lisa told me as she hugged me and touched my hair.

"I was looking for you." I told her, "I want to ask you something, but it may have to wait till I am better." I told her.

"Well, you sprained your ankles on both legs, so you'll be bed ridden for 6 weeks. Your going home with Aaron later today." She said. "Maybe the time in L.A. can make you think what you wanted to tell me." Lisa told me.

I smiled. "I am sure you would have said "Yes"." I smiled for a minute. "Just thinking of how everyone's ego in the group has drove Kevin away and you away, and sent AJ drinking and Brian praying like a Monk." I told her. She giggled. Then kissed me on the lips. Then Kevin walked in, hearing the end of our conversation.

"I love you." I said to Lisa, then she gracefully came in on the side of the bed and kissed me on the lips. I began to smile and kiss her back. Then Kevin walked in.

"I'm glad she kept our e-mails." Kevin said. "You seem to be happy too." Kevin said. "What? No Chessecakes that act and look like models to date, Nick, man you must be slipping." He said being the ass that he is.

"Go pee on a fire hydrant you dog." I told him off. "Well, good luck with that, because your going back to L.A. with Aaron and I am guessing, my cous'n Brian will be seeing you too. Tell him he can stick his Bible up his singing pipes." Kevin told me off.

"Not our fault, you wouldn't find a new manager with us and they had to kick you out in 2005. I wanted you to stay, but your ego and your acting dreams got in the way, and you think because you look like a super model for Calvin Klein you can just walk over the group and our fans, and even YOUR FANS." I told him off.

"Boys!" Lisa shouted. "Kevin, go move in with Brian in L.A. if your going to be this mean to Nick. You can be mean there. But either make up with him or stop wasteing our time. YOU LEFT REMEMBER, NOT HIM." Lisa told him. Kevin walked off in a huff. "Get well soon, you jerk." Kevin yelled at me as he slammed the door to my hospital room. "YOUR A JERK TOO, KEVY." I shouted.

"Lisa tell him, he's a.." I told her, then she kissed me on the lips again. "Nick, the whole group and your back up band are jerks, usually." She told me. "But, when your  not, you could be something and someone wonderful, and stop being jerks like all the other super mega successful groups. If you really wanted to, you could find God, instead of just pretending you did, and then it would stop. Because what I realized Nick, is you need them to be your friends, and me too. I can't live without you either." Lisa told me. "I love you." She said then kissed me again, till the nurse came in.

"Next time, I'll bring McDonald's from downstairs on the 2nd floor when I come into tomorrow so you can have breakfeast with pancakes." She told me with a smile. I smiled back, Hell was probably going to be L.A. if Hell was here in Ohio, or a Hell mouth anyways.

"I am not talking to you, Kevin." I told him. "Why not?" Kevin asked. "You know why." I told him stubbornly. "You f-ing left us!" Nick began to cry " and you won't let me be with whom I love, and you won't treat me like your friend and you made me look like a fool." I began to argue with him. Then Howie slapped both of us. "Nick our you going to record that song or not?" Howie asked. "Fine, I will." As Kevin began playing his piano chords. I took out the song I wrote for Lisa. Then began to sing as soon as Howie and the producer counted us down. "3..., 2...., 1....0...give me the beat." Kevin said into his microphone. As I began to play drumbs and sing.

z88;

I Need You

C # & C minor with B major repeated

B major & C minor with A#2hold repeat through chorus

I need you from dawn till midnight, dancing hearts till dusk; all day long./