The Brain by girlboo02
Summary:

 

 

 

It’s been brought to my attention that not only is the brain fragile but it’s made nearly entirely of memories. Those memories make and define us. They create who we are, how we react to things, what we say and how we relate to other people. Without even one memory we can’t fully be ourselves.


Categories: Fanfiction > Backstreet Boys Characters: Brian, Group, Nick
Genres: Drama, Suspense
Warnings: None
Challenges:
Series: None
Chapters: 3 Completed: No Word count: 5458 Read: 3180 Published: 07/24/12 Updated: 10/19/12

1. Chapter 1 by girlboo02

2. Chapter 2 by girlboo02

3. Chapter 3 by girlboo02

Chapter 1 by girlboo02

Nick’s pov –

The brain is very fragile. I honestly think I’ve always known that. My life however has not called me to give it much thought. Recent events however have changed that. It’s been brought to my attention that not only is it fragile but it’s made nearly entirely of memories. Those memories make and define us. They create who we are, how we react to things, what we say and how we relate to other people. Without even one memory we can’t fully be ourselves.

Now, I know what some of you are thinking. I haven’t lost a memory. My friend did. He lost the memories of nearly half his life. I’m left having to watch him struggle to cope. There is nothing I can do to help him or make this struggle easier. The hardest part is knowing that it’s all my fault. I’m the reason he is hurting and fighting not to give up completely.

I can still see the events leading up to this in my mind. The entire scene just keeps playing over and over. It’s like a nightmare I can’t seem to wake up from. Each time it starts I pray that something different will happen but it never does. It’s always the same thing. My friend… he ends up hurt.

We had arrived at our next stop on the tour a day early. Normally the fella’s and I would take full advantage of this and spend alone time with our wives or girlfriends. This time however I had the bright idea to do something just us four. I kept bugging them until somehow the four of us ended up alone in a rental van. I landed in the driver’s seat. Our destination was a restaurant a hotel worker had told us about. She had explained that it was the best spot in town.

With Brian in the seat beside me and AJ in the very back Howie took the seat directly behind me. A few minutes later we found ourselves lost. I drove slowly inspecting the name on every sign and building while AJ looked it up on his cell phone.

“Who let Nick talk us into this anyway?” Howie teased.

Brian laughed and patted my back, “I still love ya Nickers.”

“Alex to the rescue… again!” He boasted crawling over the seat.

“Here just gimme the phone and get back in a seat.”  Brian said.

I could hear him undo his seatbelt and out of the corner of my eye I saw him turn.

Then I heard Howie yell, “Nick! Red light!”

The next thing I remember is hearing tires squeal, metal crunch and glass shatter.  After that everything went black.

I came to as blue suited men were loading me into an ambulance. I could feel a bandage being held on the right side of my face. Everything hurt, bad.

“My boys?” I questioned as I remembered what happened. I thought nothing of myself.

“You’re gonna be just fine.” Someone told me.

“I don’t care. Uhg! How are my friends?” I fought through pain to speak.

“Some broken glass cut your face. You’re gonna need stiches.” Another person said.

No matter how many times I begged for someone to tell me about my band mates they just kept telling me about myself.

What seemed like hours later I was surrounded by nurses and doctors in a hospital. My concerns were still being ignored as everyone worked to treat me.

“Mr. Carter, everything is gonna be ok. The doctors are gonna put you to sleep so they can do a MRI to make sure there is no internal trauma. They’ll stich you up while you’re out too.” A sweet looking nurse assured me.

I grabbed for her hand and with tears in my eyes pleaded, “My friends, please, are they ok?”

“I don’t know. I’ll find out and tell you when you wake up. I promise.”

Soon after that everything went black again.

This time when I came to I was in a hospital room. I was sore. My face stung but I seemed alright.

It took me a moment to remember everything but when I did a panic washed over me. I began hitting my call button over and over.

Suddenly the nurse from before came rushing into the room.

“Mr. Carter, you’re awake.” She sounded positive as she rushed to monitors I was hooked to.

“My friends, you promised.” I told her.

“Mr. Dorough has a slight concussion but is just fine. He’s already been released and is in the waiting room. Mr. McLean is still in surgery. His left leg was shattered in the crash.”

She stopped there.

It scared me.

“Brian, What about Brian.” I tried not to cry.

“He’s… hanging on.” She sounded… not good.

“Hanging on?” I asked. I felt terrified, more so than I ever had.

“He was found outside of the vehicle. He went through the window. He has been placed in a medical coma. He has major brain trauma and need to be sedated to better heal. Doctors won’t know anything until he wakes up.”

Tears poured from my eyes. My world… froze.

BRIAN’S POV –

I can’t remember anything other than waking up. I know as my eyes flutter open an overwhelming pain overcame me. I had never hurt so badly before.

Tears filled my eyes as the pain became unbearable.

“Brian?” I heard a female voice.

I couldn’t even open my eyes to look at who she was. I just let out a pathetic whimper.

“I’ll get the doctor.” I heard her say.

My entire body hurt; every inch of it. My head spun. I felt so lost and confused. Where was I and what was happening? Furthermore, who was I?

I heard my room become filled with people as I moaned more.

“The morphine should kick in any second.” I heard a male voice say a bit later.

He was right, soon the pain began to leave and my head hurt a bit less.

With the pain gone I was able think.

The lady had called me Brian. So I was Brian.

Brian? Brian? Oh yeah!

It hit me, thankfully not literally.

I was Brian Littrell.

My eyes slowly opened. A woman with blonde hair stood by my side.

“Brian?” She questioned me.

I took a few breaths. What did I wanna ask first? I had so many questions.

“Where am I?” I decided was a good starter.

“You’re in the hospital. You and the guys where in a bad car crash. You’ve been in a coma for the last two weeks.” She explained.

I paused and let what she said sink in. Bad car crash… I couldn’t remember any of it.

The guys? The guys? She said, the guys.

It took me a moment but then I remembered what she was referring to.

“The guys?” I questioned. “How are they?”

I was assuming she meant my band mates. We had always called each other ‘the guys’ or ‘the fellas’. If I had been in a coma for two weeks I could only imagine how they were.

I braced myself as she began to speak.

“Nick is just fine, he had to have some stiches but nothing too bad. How has a slight concussion but is expected to be ok with some extra rest. AJ…” She paused. It made my heart skip a beat.

“His leg was shattered. He had to have surgery. He’s doing much better but, recovery is gonna take a good while.”

She stopped.

Why did she stop? There was one more guy… at least … I hoped there was.

Tears began to form in my eyes again. I feared for the name she hadn’t spoken.

“Brian?” She questioned looking rather confused. “AJ is gonna be ok.” She seemed lost.

“But, Ke- Kevin?”

“Kevin? Brian, what about him?” She now sounded worried.

I felt rather lost. Even more so than I already did.

“How is he? You aren’t talking about him. Oh God, please don’t tell me he’s…”

“Brian, sweetie… He wasn’t in the van. He’s at home in Kentucky with Kristen.”

I didn’t understand. When more than two of us were together at one time we normally were all together. Why was he in Kentucky and… who was Kristen?

I groaned a little as the confusion became more then my brain could handle.

“Baby, are you ok?” She asked grabbing my hand.

She called me baby? Why was she calling me baby? I knew I was famous and a lot of girls loved me but… baby?

“Uh, miss, I think I’d like a different nurse.” I told her taking my hand out of hers and hitting my call button.

She looked at me hurt and confused. “A different nurse?”

A woman came into my room and began looking at my monitors. “Need more morphine?” She asked turning to me.

“No, I…” I looked to the other blond woman. “I’m sorry.” I told her and looked back to the new nurse. “She’s making me uncomfortable, can I please have another nurse? Maybe a male who isn’t a fan?”

She looked puzzled, “Mr. Littrell?” She questioned looking at the other nurse who seemed near tears.

They weren’t telling me something.

“I’m not your nurse.” The blond began to cry.

I felt alarmed now. I could feel my blood pressure rising.

“Mr. Littrell, this is your wife.”

My mouth fell open and my eyes looked between both woman.

“My, my my…” I couldn’t say it.

My head began to hurt again. It spun fast and slowly my vision blurred.

Then, I just only remember blacking out.

Chapter 2 by girlboo02

Nick’s pov –

“Leigh-“ I said but she just kept going.

“Leigha-“ Again she kept going. All the while I couldn’t understand a word she was saying.

“Leighanne!” I shouted and she finally stopped.

“You gotta stop crying, I can’t understand.” My heart was beating so hard. I was afraid of what it was she was trying to tell me.

“Oh Nick, He thought I was his nurse.” She sobbed.

“What? I don’t understand.” I felt lost.

“He woke up. I was sitting in his room and he woke up. He acted like he was fine. He asked what happened. I thought everything was gonna be ok.” She sounded like she was trying so hard to remain calm so I could understand her.

“Then what Leighanne?” I asked now sitting on the very edge of my bed in the hotel room I rented near the hospital.

“He started asking about all of you. I told him that you three were gonna be ok and he started to cry. He asked about Kevin. It never even hit me as odd but he seemed to not know Kevin wasn’t in the band anymore. Finally, I called him baby and asked if he was ok and… he got freaked out…”

I could hear the tears coming back. “I know this is hard but stay calm. I have to understand what you’re saying.” I reassured her. I didn’t know how I was staying calm. Inside the pieces I had crumbled into were turning into powder.

“He… He didn’t know me. He thought I was his nurse. When his actual nurse told him I was his wife… Nick, he passed out.”

I didn’t understand. “He, remembered us and Kevin, but not you?” I asked.

She barely squeaked “Yeah” and sobbed a bit more. “They, they made me leave the room. A- About five minutes ago they came out and said he woke up and was crying for Kevin. I called him and he’s on the next flight out but it doesn’t leave for three hours.”

“I…” I didn’t know what to say.

“They told him Kevin wouldn’t be here for a while and said he then demanded to see you.”

“Me? Why me?” Tears moistened my eyes. I was lost entirely. Brian and I were still friends but… not best friends… not anymore. Brian and AJ were best friends now. Also, I couldn’t go see Brian. The thought of him being in that bed in a coma had me beyond upset because it was all my fault. There was no way I could see him, in person, hurting and confused.

“I don’t know Nick. Please just come. He wants you.” She began crying again.

I froze.

“Nick, please.” She cried harder.

I swallowed hard. I was terrified. I however, had to do this. This was my fault. I had to do whatever it took to fix things. I owed it to Brian. “Alright, I’m on my way.”

“Thank you so much Nick.”

“Yeah, bye.” I hung up and stared at the phone.

I had no idea how I was gonna do this. None the less, I had to.

I pulled myself together despite my not caring what I looked like. The press around Brian’s hospital would be sure to photograph me and I didn’t feel like getting yelled at by my agent for looking like crap.

I then went down stairs and got into my rental car. I triple checked my mirrors. Double checked that the radio was off and turned my cell phone off before starting the car. Ever since the accident driving scared me. I wasn’t really afraid of injuring or killing myself, I almost felt like I deserved it considering the circumstances.  I had caused the crash and had walked away the only one with minor injuries. Howie’s didn’t seem that bad but headaches had been crippling him. Anyway, my fear was causing more people harm.

A short while later I pulled into the hospital. I got out and handed my keys to the complimentary valet as the photographers began taking my photo.

“Nick, how are the guys doing?” A reporter called.

I didn’t wanna answer. I walked closer to the door.

“Come on, Nick the fans an update!” Another shouted.

I swallowed hard and turned to the crowd, “Howie is doing alright. AJ is expecting to be released soon.” My voice was softer than normal.

“…and Brian?” Someone yelled.

“All I know is that he woke up.” I half lied. The rest was no one’s business.

They kept asking questions but I simply turned and walked inside. Upon reaching the waiting room Leighanne came rushing up to me. Her arms wrapped around me. She looked terrible. I couldn’t blame her.

“Have you heard anything else?” I asked as she pulled away.

“The doctor came out and talked to me. They think he has amnesia or brain damage but can’t be sure till they do some test.” She sniffled.

“When are they gonna do that?” I asked as we moved away from the elevator.

“I’m not sure. They just said they didn’t want to do them yet. They are worried about overwhelming him.”

I nodded and then looked around uncomfortably. I noticed Baylee was not here. “Where’s Bay?” I asked.

“Hotel with my Harold.” She explained.

“His parents still haven’t been able to get out here?” I asked.

“No, his dad has been sick.”

“Has Baylee gotten to see him?” I wanted to know. The little I had heard, Bay was really worried and scared.

“No and the doctors don’t want him to. Brian passed out hearing I was his wife. They are worried about how he will react when he learns he is a father. They’ve asked for no one to tell him until they are sure he’s strong enough to handle the news.”

I again I just nodded. All of this was way more than just a hard pill to swallow.

Brian’s pov-

“I want Nick! I need Nick!” I cried.

“I understand Mr. Littrell. Your wife said he’s on his way.” The nurse told me as I wiped more tears from my eyes.

“Don’t call her that. I don’t even know her.” I almost snarled. The little I knew for sure about myself at the moment I knew it was out of character for me to be rude. I couldn’t help it though.  I was scared and confused all on top of being agitated.

No matter how many questions I asked, no one would tell me anything. The nurse had said the woman was my wife. I had no idea how that was possible. I could not remember having ever met her. It scared me that I had lost time in my head. No matter how I cried and begged though, no one would confirm so much as what year it was let alone why I felt like I couldn’t remember my life.

“Bri?” I heard him from the door.

Looking up I saw Nick. It was the most comforting thing I had seen since waking up. In fact, it was the only comforting thing I had seen.

“Nick, thank God.” More tears fell from eyes.

He seemed unsure of what to do. He seemed scared.

I reached out my hand for him and slowly he walked over to me and grabbed it.

“How are you?”

It seemed like a dumb question but I answered honestly, “Terrible. I have no idea what’s going on.”

He bit his lip looking away from me.

“Nicky, please tell me something. They won’t tell me anything.”

“We were in a car accident.” He told me.

“I know. There was a woman in my room when I woke up. She told me about the accident and how all of you were.” I explained as he finally let go of my hand.

He nodded, “AJ may be released soon and Howie is doing better.”

“She uh…” I swallowed, “She said Kevin wasn’t with us… that he was with someone named Kristen in Kentucky.” I was hoping Nick would tell me who she was.

“Yeah buddy, Kristen is his wife.” He seemed to be relaxing a little now.

“His wife? He’s married?”

“Yeah. You don’t remember?” He asked.

I tried to shake my head even though it hurt. “Why wasn’t he with us?”

Suddenly Nick looked nervous again. His eyes danced around the room.

“Come on Nick. Tell me something. Help me figure all this out.” I begged.

He shuffled his feet a bit, “He quit the band a while back Bri.”

“What!” The news felt like someone slapped me in the face.

“He and Kristen wanted down time to focus on themselves. Plus he wanted to give her a chance to shine a little.”

Now I was certain I had lost time. “God Nick, what year is it?”

He looked very reluctant to respond. “What year do you think it is?” He asked.

“I… I’m not sure.” I really didn’t. Tears suddenly filled my eyes again. “I’m so scared Nick. I feel like I don’t even know who I am.”

Tears now filled his eyes too. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s ok.” I tried to stop crying.

“No, it’s not. I hate that you going through all this.” He turned away as more tears began to fall.

“Please, just help me get through this.” I begged, I wasn’t sure why but I needed him.

“I’ll do my best. I promise.” He nodded looking at me again.

Even if it felt like the world around me was crashing down, it was comforting to know my best friend was here for me.

“It uh, it’s June 2010 by the way.”

“2010? That feels… so wrong.”  I couldn’t even get my messed up brain around it.

“I dunno if I’m supposed to tell you but Leighanne said the doctors told her they think you have amnesia. I guess they’re gonna test you when they think you’re up to it.”

My mouth fell open a little and I covered it with my hand. Amnesia. That explained so much. No wonder I felt confused and lost. It did unnerve me a bit though, if I didn’t remember my supposed wife, what else did I not remember? Obviously a lot.

“Leighanne? Is that her name? My…” I couldn’t say it.

“Yeah, you’re wife.” He said it for me.

The room fell silent for a moment as I willed back even more tears.

“You love her a lot. More than I’ve ever seen a man love a woman.” He softly said.

“I don’t remember. Not even meeting her.” I admitted. I hated that I didn’t know. I knew it had to be awful for her.

“You met her when we were filming the video for As Long As You Love Me.”

I tried to remember but nothing came to mind. It was all black. I slowly shook my head no.

“That was in 97.” He informed me.

It put into prospective just what all I was looking at not knowing. It seemed as though I was missing at least 18 years of my life. That was a lot.

“So then, how old am I?” I was no longer sure of anything I thought I knew.

“35.”

“I’m old.” I declared.

“What was you thinking?” I could tell he was trying not to laugh. It made me feel a little better even though I was still very scared for myself.

“Twenty or so.”

“So, you remember us being a band but not meeting Leighanne. That would mean your brain is stuck somewhere between 1995 and 1997.”

“18 to 20 years… gone.” Once again I found myself fight tears. I felt so broken.

Why had God done this to me? I wish I knew.

End Notes:

I started a new job not long ago and was focusing on settling in. That's why it took me so long to update. Thank you all for the reviews. It means a lot to me and I hope you enjoy this one too. It was a hard chapter to write from Brian's veiw point being that I've never suffered from memory loss.

Chapter 3 by girlboo02

Chapter 3:

Nick’s pov –

I spent the next 18 hours at the hospital. Most of that time I was at Brian’s bedside. Anytime I tried to leave him he’d become nervous and upset. He’d start telling me how he didn’t wanna be alone and then beg me not to go.

The longer I stayed with him, the harder things became for me. Almost every hour a nurse would come in and check his vitals, give him meds and refuse to answer his questions. The refusal to answer questions really upset him. At some point they decided to give him a pain medication that would make him sleepy. I think they hoped he’d be easier to deal with if he was too tired to argue.

Seeing my friend get… well, drugged… was hard. The only good part about him being forced into a sleep was that it allowed me to step away with upsetting him.

During the times Brian was awake he’d ask me to tell him something funny that had happened to him or us over the years. It helped lighten the mood.

I just had to be careful not to mention Baylee or anything that would lead him to think he was a father. Leighanne had said the doctors explained if there was brain damage the news could send him into shock.

It was by far, the hardest time of my life.

I had never been very religious but I gotta admit, during this time I prayed that God would just allow Kevin to get here.

“Tell me something else. Something funny. Something about you.” Brian asked me.

I had honestly been avoiding tell many stories on myself. I had looked at the situation as a chance to redeem my reputation a bit with him.

“Uh, let’s see.” I began thinking from where I sat in a chair near him.

He shifted a bit trying to get comfortable in the hospital bed that had confined him too.

“There was one time; we were having an after party. I had been drinking and was getting carried away. AJ talked me into standing up on the bar. I was dancing like a fool and slipped on a wet spot. I fell right into the lap on this really hot girl.”

Brian smiled, “What did she do?”

“Rok, she slapped me so hard I had a handprint on my face for the next two days.”

Brian laughed and for a moment I forgot how bad the situation was.

Just as Brian began to speak again, we were interrupted.

A nurse knocked on the door, “Mr. Carter?”

I stood and Brian instantly looked nervous.

“I’ll just be in the hall. I won’t go any further.”

He nodded and I followed the nurse into the hall.

“Mr. Richardson is here.”

“Thank God.” I sighed in relief. This is just what I needed.

“We’d like you to catch him up on how Mr. Littrell is doing before they see each other. The doctor feels like He is doing very well and we want him to continue to do well.” She explained to me.

I nodded, “Right, yeah, there are a few things I’ve found upset him.”

“Exactly, if you could catch him up on all that we should be good.”

I agreed and walked back into Brian’s room. I wanted to give him the good news. I hoped it would mean I could leave. Seeing Brian hurting was so emotionally draining.

“What’d she want?” Brian asked me when I walked in.

“Kevin is here.” I told him.

A smile instantly formed on his face.

“Bri, they want me to go talk to him before he comes in and sees you.” I explained.

Instantly he looked upset. “Why can’t he just come in?”

“Brian…” I trailed off thinking, how do I make him understand without him feeling like a child.

“They are afraid that he’ll uh… get really upset when he sees you hurting so… they want me to just prepare him.”

I could really tell that he did not like the idea but he seemed willing to let me go.

“Just don’t take too long. I still feel really outta place and… I’m just uncomfortable being alone.”

I nodded, “I’ll hurry.”

After I said that I left the room quickly before he could respond. I needed to get away.

I walked down the hall of the ICU where Brian was still located. Before I could get to the waiting room I saw Kevin at the nurses’ station.

“Kevin.” I called to him softly nearing him.

“Nicky, hey.” He hugged him. I could sense his worry.

“I’m so glad you’re here.”

“How is he?” He asked looking around as if to see him.

I shook my head. How could I explain to Kevin that his cousin was messed up pretty bad? He’d know it was my fault.

“Nick please… just tell me. I’ve been worried sick.”

“He’s better than he was but… not good.” My heart felt as though it would beat outta my chest as I began telling him.

“How so?” his response was quick.

“He uh… his memory is… really bad. He doesn’t remember Leighanne at all. If anyone refers to her as his wife he gets agitated. The doctors are scared to tell him about Baylee so that’s off limits. He remembers the boys but it seems to be only the early things. He can’t remember you leaving or that he and AJ are best friends now. I think he’s stuck somewhere between 95 and 97.”

“Damn, ok what else?”

“The nurses come in every so often, they won’t answer his questions about what’s going on and he gets really upset. Talking to him about funny things that have happened calms him down.”

Kevin nodded. I could tell he was fighting to stay strong.

“Last I heard they feel like he’s doing well and want to run some test soon to see what’s going on with his brain.”

“Alright, anything else?”

“I think that’s all.”

“How are the others?”

“Howie’s gonna be ok. He has a concussion but he’ll make a full recovery. I haven’t been able to visit AJ. Last I heard they did the surgery and he’s doing better. Should be released soon.”

“And you?”

“Just a few stiches.” I paused, “You should probably get in there. He doesn’t like being alone.”

“Ok, we’ll chat later.” Kevin nodded.

I directed him to Brian’s room and watched as he walked away.

Brian’s pov-

So there I was, sitting all alone in my hospital room. I didn’t like being alone. Well, I don’t know if that how I really was but in that moment… I didn’t like being alone.

I wasn’t sure of where I was or what was going on still.

Also, being alone left me with only my thoughts and right now, my thoughts were on nothing but how broken I felt.

I hated this. I hated not even knowing myself. I hated God too. The way I saw it, he allowed this to happen. All of my brothers where fine or would be fine. I wasn’t fine. I wouldn’t be fine.

“Bri?”

Suddenly all the sad thought in my head went away.

“Kevin!” I cried cheerfully.

He rushed to my bedside and carefully hugged me. Tears of relief fell from my eyes.

“Hey buddy, Nick filled me in.”

He pulled away and I nodded a bit.

He seemed unsure of what to say.

“They told me you aren’t a backstreet boy anymore.” That, for me, was the most important thing to discuss.

“Yeah, I left the group a while back.”

“When?” I wanted to know.

“Uh, it was after we finished the never gone tour.” He looked so very aged from what I could remember.

I paused, I didn’t know anything about a never gone tour.

“Don’t remember that do you?” He seemed sad.

“I don’t.” I swallowed hard. I hated this even more now. Not only was my life seemingly destroyed but the lives of those around me seemed destroyed.

“It was in 2006.” He explained.

I looked away from him as the sad feelings and more rushed back. “Kevin, I hate this. I hate this so much.” My voice cracked. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”

“I wanna tell you that it’s gonna be ok but I don’t know that. I can promise I’ll be here for you in any way I can be.”

“Thanks.” I forced a smile.

We were silent for a while longer until he pulled a chair close to my bed and sat down. “So, Nick says he was telling you funny stories?”

“Yeah, he told me about the time you jumped up on top of the hotel and I got so scared for you that I threw up.”

Kevin smiled at me. It made me feel less upset.

“Did he tell you any stories on himself?”

“Just one or two.”

Now he smiled evil, “I got a couple good ones.”

“Tell me!” I had to hear.

“Well, there was the time I pushed him out of the hotel room in nothing but his boxers.”

I laughed.

“He stormed back in so pissed off and Howie was laughing so he smacked him.”

“D retaliate?”

“He turned all mad Latin man. AJ laughed so hard he almost pissed himself.”

I laughed harder.

A nurse walked into my room as Kevin began laughing too.

“You sound like you’re doing better.” She declared.

“Kevin’s here now.” I told her. Suddenly I realized I was acting as though he were some sort of teddy bear or security blanket. I hoped he didn’t mind.

“That’s great.” She looked to Kevin. “Your cousin loves you a lot.”

“Yeah, we’re crazy close.” He told her standing.

“Well, some good news… The doctor feels thanks to Mr. Carter and your cousin here that you are strong enough to handle some test.”

“These test will give us better insight on whats going on?” Kevin asked.

“Why I can’t remember things?” I added.

“That’s the idea. Now, I need to know if you think you can lay perfect still for a long period of time or should we put you to sleep?”

“No!” I shouted hearing her.

Kevin took my hand and squeezed it, “Calm down Bri.”

“You aren’t putting me to sleep! I won’t let you! I’ve already lost enough time. I’m not losing anymore.” I demanded.

“Alright Mr. Littrell, I’m sorry I upset you. You’ll need to be totally still though. Ok?”

“Yeah, whatever I have to do to stay awake.”

“Breath Cuz. You have to stay calm.”

I shifted my focus to Kevin. He was right.

“I know you’re really upset but your brain probably can’t handle extra stress right now. We’ll sort out all this stuff that’s got you sad and upset later. Kay?” He nodded.

I looked into his eyes, “Yeah.”

Suddenly I felt calm. He always had a way of connecting to me and getting through. Maybe it’s because we were family. I knew for sure I was glad we hadn’t lost that.

“I’ll be back to take you to your test in about half an hour.” The nurse said.

I never looked at her. I just said ‘OK’ and listened as she left the room.

“More Nick stories?” Kevin asked sitting back down.

“Yeah.” I smiled.

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