Prologue
July 2013

“It was a one album deal.” Brittany Cooper put her hands on her hips as she cocked her head to the side. She looked up at the man that was standing in front of her in the hotel lobby, where they'd been talking for the past five minutes.

“Yeah, I know,” he replied, giving her a slight smirk. He did it so effortlessly, it was almost as though it was his signature look. “That's why I'm here.”

“This isn't even my tour,” she replied coolly, still holding her hands on her hips and giving him attitude. “How'd you find me, anyway? It's sort of creepy, to be honest.”

But he just laughed. “It wasn't that hard.”

Brittany raised her eyebrow.

“Oh come on,” he continued to grin. “Everyone on the planet who knows anything about the industry knows who your boyfriend is. Perez Hilton even said you guys were like the new Just-”

“I know what Perez Hilton said!” Brittany cut him off, annoyance apparent in her voice. She'd heard all the comparisons in the world, and frankly, she was getting quite tired of them. Niall Horan and Brittany Cooper were the new Justin and Selena, Justin and Britney, Nick and Jessica. She knew why that was – to the public eye their relationship was probably very formulaic. The boyband star and the pop princess. Been there, done that.

She was sick of it, and she'd thought that after a year it would end, but of course that wasn't the case.

“Uh huh,” the man said, running a hand through his short blonde hair. “Well, either way, I'm here asking you if you want to sign on to my record label before renegotiating with Sony.”

Brittany continued to give him a sceptical look. “Do you know how expensive that'll be?”

“Wow,” he said, looking at her. “Do I detect a little bit of an ego?”

Brittany rolled her eyes. His cocky attitude was starting to get to her, and she was a few seconds away from turning away from him and going back to her hotel room. “I have a number one album,” she said stiffly. “I'm just saying it won't be cheap to try and take rights from Sony or whatever.”

He just laughed. “You let me worry about that stuff.”

She still gave him a look. A year ago, she never would have thought she'd be standing in a hotel lobby with Nick Carter. Much less standing in a hotel lobby, considering walking away from Nick Carter and his pompous attitude.

Fame had done some strange things to her life.

“I don't understand why you're here,” she said finally.

He sighed. “Look, you're talented, and I see something in you. You can either keep singing teen pop for the rest of your life, or you can come work with me and be the artist that you should be.”

Brittany raised her eyebrow. Who did this guy think he was, showing up and propositioning her? Furthermore, he was making assumptions about her career aspirations.

The worst part about it all was that he was right. She didn't want to sing teen pop for the rest of her life. She wanted more creative control. Under her current contract, there was no way she was ever going to get it.

“Here,” Nick said, handing her his most recent solo album, I'm Taking Off. “Give it a listen, and if you like what you hear, we'll talk.”

She took it, and looked up at him. Nick just smirked and left without another word, leaving Brittany standing there for a moment.

She rolled her eyes and made her way back up to her hotel room, unsure what to make of what had just happened. She opened the door and eyed her boyfriend, who was sitting on the bed with his computer in his lap.

“What was all that about?” he asked, looking up at her. Before she'd left, Brittany had told Niall was that Nick Carter was apparently in the hotel lobby, and for some reason, he wanted to talk to her.

“Can I borrow your computer?” she asked, walking over to him and handing him the CD. “I only have my iPad, it doesn't have a CD drive.”

Niall glanced at the CD in her hands. “He could have at least signed it,” he laughed.

Brittany shook her head slightly. “No... he wants me to listen to it because he wants me to sign on his label.”

Niall gave her a look of disbelief. “What?!”

“Yeah, I don't know,” she said, putting the CD in the computer and navigating the screen until the music began to play. “He was super weird.”

“He's not weird,” Niall said quickly. “He and the rest of his group are really nice. I've met them a few times. They really know what they're doing...”

Brittany tuned out Niall's rambling about how much he loved the Backstreet Boys, and how talented they were, and how nice they'd always been to him, while she listened to Nick's CD. Maybe Niall was right. Nick's album was still pop music, there was no doubt about that. It didn't seem like anything special at first, but as she got deeper into the album she began to feel a little more hopeful.

The last few songs were definitely the type of pop music that she liked. The kind that held some sort of meaning in the lyrics, and weren't just mass produced to sell records.

A smile crept up across her face. Perhaps Nick's offer was the golden opportunity she'd been looking for.

Part I – SS Backstreet
June 2014

Brittany smiled to herself as she wheeled her suitcase through the hotel hallways and over to the elevator. She pressed the button and waited impatiently as she watched the numbers above the doors light up.

After what seemed like an eternity, the doors opened and she stepped on. Hitting the number 15, she leaned back and waited. She'd just gotten off an extremely long flight, taken a cab, and was finally allowed a moment to herself. All of that, but it was going to be worth it.

Between both of their busy schedules, her and Niall didn't get a lot of chances to see each other. They were getting better at using their time off to visit one another, but it was still difficult. So even though she was supposed to be in the studio with Nick in LA, working on her third album, she'd made time to fly to Europe.

The elevator doors opened, and she looked down at the text message from Niall that told her his room number. It took everything she had not to run through the halls. Eventually, she stopped in front of room 1508 and knocked on it.

It didn't take long for him to answer. And without so much as a hello he pulled her into his arms and kissed her. “Happy anniversary, Britt Britt,” he said softly.

“Happy anniversary,” she replied, stepping further into the room and closing the door behind her.

“Did you have a good flight?” he asked, just as he always did. Brittany hated flying, and she'd never quite gotten used to it.

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “There were some bumpy parts, but I slept for most of it.”

“Well, I'm glad you made it here so we can spend a few days together,” he said, sitting back down on the hotel room bed.

Brittany sat beside him and crossed her legs. “Yeah, me too. It worked out though, because Nick's busy this coming weekend.”

“Sometimes I still can't believe that you're working with Nick Carter.”

Brittany rolled her eyes a little. Niall hadn't even quite gotten over being star-struck around him. “I think we know him well enough by now that we can just call him 'Nick,'” she laughed.

“Well, maybe you do,” Niall said, his eyes still wide. “I've only met him a couple times.”

But Brittany just shrugged. “He's a really good mentor. The album I did with him last year was exactly the type of music I wanted to do. And I really think that this one's going to be even better.”

“I'm so proud of you, Britt Britt,” he said, leaning over and hugging her.

“Thanks, I really missed you though,” she murmured as she held on to him.

“I missed you too,” he said, but then quickly pulled away from her. “That reminds me, I've got a gift for you.”

Brittany eyed him. “I thought we said no gifts.”

But he just waved her off as he went digging through his suitcase. “Ah!” he said triumphantly as he turned back to her and handed her a small box.

Brittany looked at him in horror. “Niall I swear to God, we already talked about this...” she said, looking up at him as he sat back down next to her.

“Relax,” he said, handing it to her. “It's not what you think it is.”

Curiously, Brittany took the box from him and opened it. She gave him a strange look when she eyed the contents. “What is this? A key to your place?”

He took her hands in his and looked at her. “Yeah,” he said slowly.

Brittany still looked at him with confusion. “I don't get it. Why would I ever be at your place without you there?”

He took a deep breath. “Well... I was thinking that it could be your place too.”

Brittany looked at him, trying to figure out if he was actually being serious. “You want me to move to London?” she asked him in the thick voice.

“Yeah.”

She looked back down at their hands, trying to not lose her mind. This was exactly the opposite of the conversation they'd had a few months ago. She'd thought they were on the same page. They both had their careers to worry about, and they'd agreed that neither one of them were ready to settle down as they were both still really young.

“I thought we agreed...” she said, trailing off, hoping he would understand.

“I'm not asking you to marry me,” he said, trying to ease the obvious tension by laughing a little.

It didn't work. “Right,” Brittany said, maybe a little more irritably than she had meant to. “You're just asking me to uproot my entire life and move to the other side of the world. That's not the same thing at all,” she said sarcastically.

Niall didn't let it get to him. He was used to her sassy remarks, and usually just ignored her tone. “I just thought it would be easier if we both had the same home base,” he explained.

She sighed. “Yeah, it would make it easier... I guess... but it's so far away. My whole career is in the states,” she muttered. “It'd be easier for you to move to LA,” she laughed offhandedly.

“I can't move to LA,” he said seriously.

Brittany glared at him. “Oh, you can't move to LA, but it's okay for me to move to London. You have a career in the states too, you know, you spend a lot of time in LA anyway, but no, no you can't move there.” She was beginning to get even more upset as their conversation went on, and pulled her hands away from his.

“No, I can't move to LA, and that's exactly why. I spend so much time there already that when I have time off I want to go home and be closer to my friends and family,” he explained, running a hand through his hair. “You don't even live in Texas anymore, and even if you did, you don't...” he stopped himself before saying the next part.

But Brittany knew what he was going to say. “I don't what?” she snapped. “I don't have any family in Texas? I don't have any family at all?”

“I wasn't going to say that,” he lied.

She rolled her eyes and jumped off the bed, beginning to pace around the room. “You were going to say that,” she said angrily. “That's exactly what you were going to say. And that's exactly your reasoning too. You don't think it matters where I live because you think that you're the only important person in my life.”

“Brittany, come on,” he said with exasperation. “You've always spent Christmas with me, you spend most of your time off with me, and your family isn't really...”

“Well I'm sorry that my dad died and my mom's a drunk who doesn't want anything to do with me. I have a life of my own in LA. Thanks so much for respecting that,” she rolled her eyes, not even caring that they were spending the evening of their anniversary arguing.

He shook his head and grabbed his wallet and phone off the bedside table. He didn't want to get into it with Brittany, but her attitude was really annoying him. The false idea of independence she thought she had, coupled with the fact that he'd put himself out there with her and gotten shot down rather harshly didn't exactly make him want to see her at the moment.

“Where are you going?” she asked him with annoyance.

“Downstairs. I need to cool off,” he said, before leaving and slamming the door behind him.

Brittany stood there in shock for a minute as she registered what had just happened. She sighed and laid down on the bed, kicking the key and the box off of it in frustration.

Not the best way to start their anniversary celebration.

***

Brittany stood outside Danielle and Liam's hotel room door a few hours later. She knocked on it, and waited rather impatiently for one of them to answer.

“Brittany!” Danielle squealed with delight when she opened the door and saw her friend standing there. But her expression quickly changed when she saw the look on Brittany's face. “What's wrong?”

“Oh nothing,” Brittany said bitterly, inviting herself into their room and sitting down on the bed. “Me and Niall got into a huge fight as soon as I got here, and he's been gone for hours. He's not answering his stupid phone, and I've been sitting in the hotel room by myself pathetically staring at his twitter feed.”

“Uh,” Liam said, looking at Brittany and Danielle somewhat awkwardly. “Do you want me to go?”

“No, whatever, it's fine,” Brittany said, not really caring whether he was there or not.

Danielle gave Liam a sympathetic look, knowing he was probably going to have to deal with an evening of girl-talk. “Wait,” she said, turning back to Brittany. “Aren't you guys supposed to be celebrating your two years?”

Brittany nodded. “Yeah.”

But Danielle still looked confused. “How can you get into a fight during that? And not just in general, how can you guys get into a fight during that? You hardly ever fight.”

“Yeah, I know,” Brittany sighed. “That's the problem. He thinks things are so perfect.”

“Aren't they?” Danielle asked her quietly

Brittany sighed. She didn't know one way or the other. She was happy with the way things were. She and Niall didn't get to see each other a lot, but when they did, everything was fine, great even. Sure, she wished that they'd be able to spend more time together, but she also had her career to worry about. She wasn't ready to give that up just yet.

“I don't know,” she said finally. “I think he wants more than what I can give him right now.”

“Why? What happened?”

“He asked me to move in with him,” Brittany said with disdain. As if Niall had done the most appalling thing in the world. “And he didn't even really ask, he just sort of... gave me a key to his house and expected that I'd be jumping for joy.”

Danielle frowned, then she looked over at Liam. “Did you know he was going to do that?”

“Yeah,” Liam confessed, looking at the two of them slightly sheepishly. “I knew.”

“Why?” Brittany asked him sharply. “Why did he think that was a good idea when just a few months ago we both agreed that we didn't want to move fast or settle down?”

Liam held his hands up to stop her from getting any more aggravated with him. “Whoa, Brittany, it's not me you're mad at. And he just wants to be able to spend more time with you. And... he thinks you're lonely when you're at home in the states.”

Brittany shook her head with annoyance. “I knew it. I knew he thought that I was completely dependant on him.”

“You're not,” Danielle said quickly. “You've got your own career, and you've got me too. And you've got Nick in LA, right?”

Brittany shrugged. “Nick's just like... my co-worker. We go out for drinks sometimes after recording, nothing other than that, really. But you're right, I have my own life and career.”

“And he should respect that,” Danielle assured her. “But he really loves you, Britt. I don't think he meant any harm by it. He probably just misses you when you're not there.”

“Yeah...” Brittany trailed off, thinking about how upset she'd gotten. “I probably shouldn't have gotten so mad at him.”

“So just tell him that,” Danielle said with a smile. “He'll understand. He's a good guy.”

Brittany nodded. Danielle was right. She was always right. “Yeah... I guess I should go back to the room and wait for him to come back. If he ever comes back.”

Danielle rolled her eyes at Brittany's over-dramatic remark. “He'll come back. I promise.”

Again, Brittany nodded her head. “Yeah, I know. Thanks guys.”

With that, she went back to her own hotel room, intending to wait for Niall so they could reconcile and continue celebrating their anniversary.

Niall never came back that night.

And as the hours went by, Brittany grew more and more frustrated with him. She wasn't the type to fill up his voicemail, and there was no use anyway. His phone was probably dead, since it didn't even ring when she called it anymore. She'd tried texting him and even direct messaging him on twitter, but with no avail.

She kept flipping between being furious with him, wondering where he was, and being worried about him. She'd already been to see Danielle and Liam once, and she didn't want to disturb them again.

She scrolled through the contacts on her phone, but gave up and tossed it onto the bed beside her. She didn't really have anyone she could call and talk to about the situation. Besides, it would likely only serve to make her feel worse and over-analyze the situation again.

So, she put the TV on, closed her eyes and managed to fall asleep for a couple of hours. When she woke up, there was light streaming into the room, but she was still alone. She sat up and put her head in her hands.

If he was still alive, she was quite certain she was going to kill him.

With a sigh, she had a quick shower, got dressed and went down to the hotel restaurant to get something to eat. She gave a small wave to Danielle, Liam, Harry and Louis who were already sitting at a table.

“Morning,” she said, pulling out a chair and sitting down beside Danielle.

“Morning,” Danielle said, giving her a look. “What're you doing up so early? I thought you and Nialler would still be sleeping after your long night,” she laughed suggestively.

Brittany gave her friend a look. “Maybe he's still sleeping. I have no idea,” she said, holding up her coffee mug for the waitress to fill.

Danielle furrowed her eyebrows. “What? He still hasn't come back?”

Brittany took a sip of her coffee, not bothering to put any milk or sugar in it. “Nope.”

There was an awkward silence after that.

“Well, don't everyone speak up at once,” Brittany said bitterly. She was taking her frustration and exhaustion out on them, but at the moment she really didn't care.

“Where do you think he went?” Louis asked, directing his question more at Liam than at everyone else.

But Liam just shrugged. “I don't know. I really don't know what to think, actually,”

“Do you think he's gone out and got himself hurt?” Danielle asked quietly. “For all we know, he took off with no security, something could have happened to him.”

Harry just rolled his eyes. “He's probably fine. I bet he just went out and got himself drunk and...” he looked over at Brittany and cocked his head a little, allowing her to mentally fill in the rest.

Brittany didn't say anything in response. Even years later, things were still a little awkward between her and Harry, so she tried not to much stock into his words. Still, that was what she'd been worried about.

Everyone went back to eating their food after that. Brittany just sipped on her coffee, eyeing the entrance of the restaurant, hoping that Niall would show up.

And eventually, he did. He was wearing the same clothes as he had been the night before, his hair was a mess and simply put, he didn't look good. He rushed over to her.

“You weren't in the room,” he said quickly.

“Neither were you,” Brittany shot back, looking up at him.

Everyone else at the table tried to make small talk during the couple's tense moment, but it was difficult. Of course they all were curious as to where he'd been as well.

“I'm sorry,” he said, leaning down and hugging her tightly.

“Where were you?” she asked. She didn't hug him back, because she had a sneaking suspicion she knew exactly where he'd been. The very thought of it was beginning to make her feel sick.

“I'm sorry,” he repeated, clinging to her tighter. “I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry...”

“Get off me,” she said, not caring to hear his meaningless apologies. He obliged and she stood up, giving him a look. “I'm going back up to the room,” she said.

“But Britt-” he started, desperation apparent in his voice.

“Stop it,” she said quietly, but sternly. “Do you want this to be all over Sugarscape tomorrow? Because it will be if we do this here. I'm going back up to the room, you're coming with me, and you're going to tell me everything.”

She held out her and hand he grabbed it, lacing his fingers with hers. They walked down the halls in silence, but as soon as they were inside the elevator, Brittany jerked away from him.

Niall sighed, but didn't say anything. Like Brittany said, it was best to wait until they were back in the room. And once the door was closed behind them, Brittany turned to look at him.

“Where were you?” she spat.

“I went out,” he said dumbly. “I was really upset with you, and I just needed some time to cool off.”

“I knew that already. Tell me where you went.”

Niall sighed and bit his lip. “I went to a club with Haz.”

Brittany rolled her eyes. That made perfect sense. Harry hated her, and had probably jumped at the chance to take Niall out after their fight. He was such an enabler, and it also explained his passive attitude at breakfast. “And?”

Niall shrugged. “I don't know. We were drinking because... well, you know Haz,”

Brittany continued to stare at him, but didn't say a word.

“Anyway he left, but I stayed there, and there were girls there...” he looked down, avoiding her eyes. “Britt, I'm really sorry, you have to know that I never meant to hurt you and that I was really drunk and upset.”

“What did you do?” Brittany asked through gritted teeth, though she was sure she already knew.

“I slept with one of them,” he said honestly, taking a deep breath afterwards. “But you have to know that it was bad, and it didn't last long, and I felt like crap as soon as I woke up and realized what had happened,” he rambled on, moving in to hug her.

Brittany shoved him away. “No,” she said firmly. “I can't believe you did that. We were together for two years and one little fight sends you right back off to one of your stupid fan groupies?”

“It wasn't a little fight,” he said, trying to stay calm. “I asked you to take our relationship to the next level, and you -”

“And I what?!” she shouted. “What? I didn't want to, because I already told you three months ago, when Eleanor and Louis got engaged, and everyone started making those stupid comments at us, and we had that talk about how we were fine how we were and that we were on the same page you sprung that on me?! Oh by the way, you're moving to London! Surprise, happy anniversary!” she continued to yell at him, wiping a few tears from her eyes.

“I'm sorry,” he muttered. “I probably could have gone about it a better way.”

Brittany took a deep breath in an effort to calm herself down, but it was no use. She was still fuming. “It doesn't matter now, does it? Because there's no fucking way I'm moving to London, or anywhere with you now. I'm done. We're done.”

He looked at her in horror. “You don't mean that,” he said shakily, reaching out to touch her.

She backed away from him. “I do mean that. I told you from day one that if you cheated on me, we'd be over. And you cheated on me. So it's over,” she said plainly, putting her hands on her hips.

He didn't know what to say. That was true, they'd made that agreement right at the beginning of their relationship since they'd known they'd be away from each other a lot. “Are you serious?” he asked, his voice bordering between sadness and anger. “After two years you're just going to throw it all away?”

“No,” she said, shaking her head. “You're the one who threw it all away. You should have just come back. We could have made up and you could have had sex with me, but you instead you decided to drunkenly fuck a gross bar chick.”

“It was stupid,” he said. “It was really stupid, and I'll never do it again.”

“And how am I supposed to believe that?!” she shouted, getting upset all over again. “How? You were the one person I never thought would never be capable of doing something like that. But you did it, and I can't even look at you the same anymore,” she continued on, walking over to her suitcase and stuffing the few belongings she'd taken out back in. “I'm done. It's over. You did this,” she said, grabbing her luggage and leaving the room in a huff.

Once the door slammed behind her, Niall fell back onto the bed. The sheets were tangled up and he pulled them tight against his chest. There was no use in following Brittany, that would only serve to make things worse.

Instead, he hoped that in a couple of days, she'd come to her senses and call him to work things out.

She had to.

***

The elevator doors opened, and Brittany was face to face with Harry and Louis.

“Where are you off to?” Harry asked as he looked down at her luggage. “Thought this was your big anniversary trip?”

“Shut up Harry,” Brittany muttered, attempting to shove past him and get on the elevator.

It didn't work.

“Tell me what happened,” he said firmly. “Tell me what he did that's so bad that you're leaving.”

Brittany took a deep breath and looked at him. “Why do you care?”

He shrugged. “Because doesn't it seem a bit hypocritical?” he asked, raising his eyebrow.

Brittany shook her head. She really wasn't in the mood to deal with any of this, and just wanted to get away from the entire situation. “You don't even know what happened.”

“I can guess,” he said knowingly. “Niall slept with someone else, you're upset about it, and you're leaving him.”

Brittany shrugged. She supposed it was pretty easy to figure out. “And can you blame me for that?”

“Actually,” Harry said with a laugh, “I can. Considering your entire relationship is based around the fact that you were cheating on me with him, it's pretty stupid that you're going to leave him for the same thing.”

Brittany rolled her eyes. “That's different.”

“Harry,” Louis said, touching his friend's arm in an effort to get him to stop.

Harry just brushed him off. “It's not different. But if you're just going to leave him over this, that's fine. Make your snap decision, but he won't wait around for you forever.”

“Just shut up Harry, I don't want to hear it,” she choked out, pushing past him and getting on the elevator.

She took steady breaths and tried to calm herself down. She didn't care what Harry had to say, and thought it was completely ridiculous of him to bring up the circumstances that had caused her and Niall to get together in the first place.

She knew she couldn't blame Harry for not being sympathetic to the situation, but that still didn't excuse Niall for what he'd done.

So, she went through all the motions of leaving without another thought. It was easy when she had simple steps to go through. First, she got into a cab, then she went to the airport. Once she arrived there she got her ticket changed, then it was just a matter of getting on the plane and flying back to the states.

It wasn't until she set foot back in her LA condo two days earlier than planned that she fell down on her bed and sobbed into her pillow.

Brittany didn't know how she'd managed to fall asleep through all of her tears, but at some point during the night she had. Sleep hadn't done her much good. Of course she'd dreamt that everything was perfectly fine, only to wake up and remember that it wasn't.

She sat up and glanced around her bedroom. Her eyes fell on the framed photo of her and Niall from the first time she'd gone to visit him in Ireland a year and a half ago.

She picked it up and looked at it for a couple of minutes. She really hated how happy and innocent they both looked into the picture. Just sitting there like they didn't have a care in the world – because really, they hadn't. After briefly considering throwing it against the wall, she refrained. It wasn't worth it. Instead, she set it face down back on her bedside table.

That wasn't the only thing in her condo that reminded her of him. Everywhere she looked, there was something else with a memory attached to it. She sighed to herself. Being there was doing her no good. It wasn't going to help her get over it, and it certainly wasn't going to stop her from thinking about him. Simply put, she needed a distraction.

Even though she had planned to have the week off from working on her album, she figured she may as well go into the studio. Nick wouldn't be there – but maybe sitting there alone would help her channel some of what happened into creative energy.

So, she had a quick shower, got dressed and headed over to the little studio that she and Nick had been working in for the past month. She didn't even bother to turn on the lights when she arrived. Instead, she put her head in her hands and stared at a blank sheet of paper.

She tapped a pen against the desk and tried to think of something she could write down that could be translated into a recordable song.

The only thing she wrote was I hate you Niall Horan and you're pretty much dead to me.

She stared at it for a minute before leaning back in her chair. That was definitely not anything she could turn into a song that wouldn't make a million teenyboppers hate her.

She leaned back over the paper again and tried to think of anything else, but instead ended up staring into space as she replayed the events of the last couple of days over and over again in her mind.

That is, until the light in the room flicked on.

“Jesus Christ!” Nick exclaimed, when Brittany spun around in her chair. “You almost gave me a heart attack! There's a light you know,” he said, dramatically motioning towards the ceiling.

Brittany shrugged. Normally Nick's over-the-top antics amused her, but she just wasn't in the mood. “I didn't feel like it,” she said simply.

“Uh huh...” Nick said, giving her a weird look. “Aren't you supposed to be on tour with your little boyfriend?”

Brittany rolled her eyes. Nick had always made fun of her and her “little boyfriend,” but she supposed she wouldn't really have to deal with that anymore. “I came back early,” she told him, not really wanting to get into the specifics of what had happened. “What are you doing here?” she asked, hoping to change the subject.

Nick walked over to the coat rack, pulled off one of his hats and placed it on his head. “I forgot my Bucs hat,” he said. “I'm gonna need it this weekend... what are you working on anyway, can I see?” he asked, leaning over her shoulder. Before Brittany could protest, Nick picked up the sheet of paper and glanced at it. “What, did you guys break up or something?”

“Yeah,” Brittany admitted, feeling slightly awkward talking about this with him. She hadn't even told any of her close girlfriends yet. Not that she had very many left, considering she'd spent most of her free time with Niall.

“Sorry,” he said, putting the piece of paper back down on the desk. “That sucks.”

Brittany shrugged. “Yeah, it does.”

Nick looked down at her. “You want to talk about it?” he asked, only because he sort of felt he should. Even though that type of conversation really wasn't his strong suit.

“No,” she replied. She really didn't either – she was afraid she'd turn into a weeping mess if she did. She needed some time to deal with it herself first before telling anyone else.

Nick breathed a little inward sigh of relief. “So, what are you gonna do this weekend? I mean, if you're not over in Europe?”

Brittany shrugged. She actually hadn't planned that far ahead. Having time off all to herself wasn't exactly something she was used to. “I don't know,” she said. “I guess I'll probably come here and work on some album stuff.”

Nick raised his eyebrow. “That's boring. Go out, do something fun, you're single now! Live it up,” he laughed.

Brittany gave him a look. She didn't want to do that at all – and she didn't even know where to begin if she did want to go out and “live it up,” as Nick had said. “That's okay,” she said sarcastically.

“You could come with me on the cruise,” he suggested offhandedly. He didn't exactly like the idea of her sitting around in the dark writing depressing break-up songs. Or more accurately, sitting around in the dark writing about how much she hated her ex-boyfriend.

“What?” Brittany asked, looking at him like he was crazy. She'd heard him mention the cruise a few times, but didn't really have any idea what went on on them. As far as she knew, it was like a Backstreet Boys concert on a boat.

“I'm flying out to Miami... soon. And the boat's leaving tomorrow morning. It's just for the weekend, you could come if you want, get your mind off things,” he said, putting his hands in his pockets and giving her a smile.

“Uh no that's okay, I'm not going to tag along,” she said, still thinking it sounded completely ridiculous. Why would he want her there? She was sure she'd just get in his way.

Nick just laughed. “You wouldn't really be tagging along. It's work, but it's fun, but it'd be nice to have someone to hang around with while the other fellas are off doing their own thing with their wives or whatever.”

She continued to look at him in disbelief. “Are you sure that's a good idea?”

Nick shrugged. “Why not? No one's gonna care. They all know we work together.” Nick knew that wasn't entirely true, but he was sure it wouldn't be that bad. He and the other members of the group had brought friends and colleagues along on the boat before, with little to no speculation. Besides, he didn't care what his crazy fans thought.

That, and now that he had the idea of taking Brittany on the cruise with him in his head, he wasn't going to let it go. He hadn't exactly relished the idea of being on the boat by himself while the other guys brought their families.

“I don't know...” Brittany said, shaking her head a little. Even if it seemed a little off, she did want the distraction. Going on a Backstreet Boys cruise would probably be interesting, to say the least.

“You've still got your suitcase packed, right?”

“Yeah,” Brittany said sheepishly. She was notorious for leaving her suitcases packed days after she got home from trips or tours.

“Well let's swing by your place, grab it, and go to the airport. I bet we can get you on my flight to Miami.”

Brittany bit her lip. She was grateful to Nick for giving her the opportunity to take a trip and get her mind off things, but she still wasn't sure about it. She'd be on a boat with a bunch of other people she didn't know and she doubted she'd be able to make friends with any of the girls there.

Then again, it sounded a lot better than moping around LA for a few days until Nick got back and they could finish her album.

“Okay,” she agreed, against her better judgement. “I'll go with you.”

***

It had been easy to get Brittany on the same flight as Nick to Miami – not that many people were travelling there on a Thursday afternoon. Especially not in first class.

Brittany glanced at her phone before turning it off and staring out the window. Niall had yet to contact her and she couldn't decide if she was grateful or disappointed. It was probably a mixture of both.

“Has he said anything to you?” Nick asked, pulling Brittany out of her thoughts.

“Huh?”

“Your boy... what was his name again? Justin?”

Brittany gave Nick a look. She knew he knew, this was just his attempt at being cute.

“Joey?” Nick asked, giving her a cheeky grin. “Jordan? Donnie?”

“That's the opposite generation of boyband, Nick,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes.

“Oh, right sorry,” Nick laughed. “Brian? AJ?”

Brittany continued giving him an unimpressed look.

“Kevin? Howie?” he laughed, then lowered his head a little. “Nick?”

“Awkward,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes. “And slightly creepy.”

“What?” Nick asked innocently. “I wasn't talking about me! There were other Nicks, you know. Haven't you ever heard of 98 Degrees?”

“No.”

“Really?” Nick asked, giving her a look. “They were pretty popular back in 1998.”

“I was five,” Brittany said, grinning a little, knowing she was going to make Nick feel old.

She was right. “Ugh, I'm old,” Nick groaned, slouching down in his seat. “I can't wait until we get to Miami and Kevin's there. He'll make me feel better. That guy is ancient.”

Brittany laughed. Maybe going on this trip with Nick wouldn't be quite as awkward as she'd thought.

“So he hasn't said anything to you?” Nick asked, his tone shifting to a slightly more serious one. Brittany just shook her head. “That's probably for the best.”

“You don't even know what happened. For all you know, he broke up with me and I begged for him to take me back.”

Nick shrugged. “Either way, he's a loser and you deserve better than him.”

Brittany couldn't say she disagreed, but she still defended Niall anyway, as she was so used to doing. “You don't even know him.”

“I don't have to. That's just what people say during a break-up, right? That the ex is scum and a loser and was totally worthless. I'm sure a lot of people have said that about me before,” he laughed.

“I'm sure they haven't.”

“No,” Nick argued, knowing full well that Brittany was just being nice. “I'm pretty sure they have, trust me. But hey, who cares? You grow up and move on. That's life, you know?” he said passively, pulling out the in-flight magazine and beginning to flip through it.

Brittany contemplated that for a moment as she looked at him. His simple words were true, and sometimes she wondered if Nick knew how insightful he was, or if he just said things like that by accident.

She also sort of wanted to ask him what sort of awful things he'd done in his life that made him so sure that his exes thought he was scum, but she didn't. Instead, she looked out the window as the plane began to take off and wondered what she was getting herself into.

Brittany and Nick walked through Miami International Airport a little awkwardly. Brittany had fallen asleep on the plane, just as she always did. When she awoke, they were just beginning their decent into Miami. Now, once they had picked up their luggage, they were waiting for a car to take them to the hotel.

Neither one of them knew what to say to each other. Nick had never been good at small talk, and Brittany couldn't believe that she'd travelled all the way to Florida with him on a whim.

She glanced around nervously, suddenly realizing the gravity of what she'd done. She was sure it wouldn't be that suspicious just being with Nick – she'd been out in public with him dozens of times before. But the fact that she wasn't over in Europe when she was supposed to be and while everyone knew why she was supposed to be, suddenly made her feel sick.

Through everything that had happened, she'd only focused on how upset she was, how angry she was, and how this was affecting her. She'd completely forgotten about the fact that she'd had a very public relationship and people finding out that it had ended would be potentially worse than when they had found out it began.

Nick looked over at her. “What are you doing?” he asked, watching her glance around.

“Nothing,” she said. “Just making sure no one's taking pictures of us.”

“No one's going to take pictures of us. We're standing at the airport waiting for a car,” he said, stating the obvious.

She looked at him as thought he was crazy. How could he be so sure of that? Did he not live in Hollywood where paparazzi and fans took pictures of him all the time?

“What?” he asked, when she didn't say anything.

“Fans don't just hang around and take a million pictures of you everywhere you go?” she asked in disbelief.

“Uh, I guess they do?” Nick shrugged. “Not everywhere. I guess if they do I don't really care. I'm so used to it.”

She sighed. He was so far removed from the boyband hype that he had no clue what he was even talking about. “So there's no Backstreet Boys update account?”

He raised his eyebrow, not having a clue what she was talking about. “You mean like, a website?”

Brittany wondered what it must have been like for him to have been famous in the 90's, before there was twitter, and a zillion update accounts tracking his every move...and by association, her every move. “No. It's like... a fan run twitter account that compiles information about your every single move.”

Nick squinted his eyes and he glanced around, looking for the car. “That's creepy.”

She nodded. “Yeah, I could probably log on to twitter and tell you what restaurant One Direction ate at today. I could tell you everything they did and where they are right this second. There's nothing like that for you?”

Nick shook his head. “Uh, I mean, there are accounts that post pictures and stuff... but nothing like that. Our fans are sane,” he said, then rethought his statement. “Our fans have lives.” He looked at Brittany, and then raised his eyebrow, correcting himself again. “There's nothing like that,” he finally said.

She sighed. “You're lucky.”

Nick looked down at her. “What, you think that since you're here with me someone's going to take a picture and start a rumour?”

“No,” she said. “I mean, I guess, but not because I'm here with you, just because I'm here, and not in Europe, and all their stupid fans know it was supposed to be our anniversary weekend, so they'll probably figure it out and ask me a bunch of questions that I don't want to answer.”

“Lucky for you, there's no cell reception on the boat,” Nick laughed.

Brittany shrugged. It wasn't the weekend as a whole she was worried about. She didn't care if there was no cell reception on the boat – she'd still have to get off the boat eventually and deal with the public.

“You should just do what I do,” Nick said, just as the car pulled up in front of them. The driver got out and took both Nick and Brittany's luggage, placing it in the trunk. Once the two of them were seated in the back of the car, Nick finished his thought. “Anyway, just do what I do,” he said with a grin. “Don't even look at your replies. Or, say something stupid, and watch the drama roll in.”

“You don't reply to your fans?”

Nick shrugged. “Nope.”

Brittany looked at him strangely. “Don't they get mad?”

Nick shrugged. “I dunno. That's why I don't look at my replies. I don't really get twitter,” he laughed. “I only got it because management told me I had to. I just sorta... program it at the beginning of tours and let it post updates all on its own.”

“That must be annoying. Don't you want to interact with your fans like that?”

Nick raised his eyebrow. “Not really. We have soundcheck parties for that. I'm not going to spend all my time on twitter talking to fans and answering their questions. We did just fine before twitter, we'll do just fine now.”

Brittany shook her head, but sort of smiled. It was times like this when the generation gap between them was apparent. “My fans kind of expect it,” she said. “Like, they get upset if I don't respond to anyone for a couple of days.”

“Really?” Nick asked, and Brittany nodded. “That's weird.”

“I guess it's just different,” she shrugged, pulling her phone out and looking at it. She opened up twitter, but instead of scrolling through her own feed, she gave into temptation and looked up 1DUpdates.

“Hey, let me see that,” Nick said, leaning over and looking at the screen as Brittany slowly scrolled through the updates. She readjusted herself so that Nick was able to see her phone better. “See?” he said, glancing at her. “The last thing they did was get off the stage... and apparently now they're on the tour bus going back to the hotel. Nothing about you.”

“That's not what I was looking for,” Brittany said, continuing to scroll down the feed. “There it is.”

1DUpdates: .@BrittCooperMusic leaving the hotel this morning! She was supposed to be there for three days... [View Photo]

“You don't look happy,” Nick commented, still peering over her shoulder as he looked at the picture.

“I wonder why,” Brittany said sarcastically, expanding the tweet and looking at all the comments.

“How did they know it was your anniversary? How would they know something like that?” Nick asked as he watched Brittany look through the pile of comments.

“They know everything,” Brittany muttered. “I don't know how they know, they just figured it out. Last year I went to visit him in London for our anniversary, and when I got to the airport to go home, there were girls waiting for me there with a scrapbook they made us as a gift.”

“That was nice of them,” Nick said.

“Yeah,” Brittany shrugged. “It was, but the pictures they had in there sort of creeped me out. The first one they had was us walking through the airport in New York... and that picture caused so much drama for me, I didn't need to see it with sparkly stickers around it, you know?”

Nick gave her a look.

“I guess you don't know,” she laughed. “But...they just know everything somehow. I'm surprised they don't know...” she trailed off, biting her lip and staring out the car window. It still made her sick to think about.

Nick watched as Brittany did this and sighed to himself. He didn't know how to deal with her break-up drama. Especially when he didn't know what exactly had happened... and he wasn't sure he wanted to ask because if she started to cry, he didn't think he would know what to do.

“Are you hungry?” he asked instead.

“What?” she asked, looking back at him as he changed the subject.

“You slept the whole flight. You want to go get something to eat? We could go to Chili's. There's one sort of by the hotel,” he suggested.

Brittany wrinkled her nose. “I hate Chili's. Their food has like, a million calories per bite.”

Nick laughed. “And normally, I'd agree with you, but I think today, it's okay. Come on, it's on me.”

She looked over at him. He had the most hopeful look on his face; it was obvious how much he was trying to make her feel better. “Isn't this whole trip on you?” she asked him, smirking a bit.

“Nah,” Nick said, grinning at her. “It's on the fans who were dumb enough to pay to go on a tropical cruise in the summer.”


***

A little over an hour later, Nick and Brittany strolled into the Intercontinental Inn in Miami. There were a few fans sitting in the lobby, and Nick waved a quick hello to them before making his way up to their floor.

“They're not going to follow you?” Brittany asked in disbelief as the two of them stood in the elevator.

“Uh... actually, it was kinda weird that they didn't,” he admitted, scratching his head. “They must have been the few sane ones.”

As soon as they stepped off the elevator onto their floor, they noticed Kevin and Brian standing in the hallway.

“Hey Kev,” Nick said brightly. “Bri.”

“Hey,” Kevin said, nodding at Nick and looking down at Brittany.

“Oh,” Nick said, looking at his bandmates a little awkwardly. “Yeah, I decided to bring Brittany with me. You know, give her a little vacation since she's been working so hard,” he grinned, deciding not to go into the whole story for her sake.

“Hey guys,” Brittany smiled friendlily. She'd met the other members of the Backstreet Boys, but only once or twice before.

“Hey,” Kevin said, returning her smile. He fished through his pockets and looked back at Nick. “Here's your room key, you're in 317.”

“Thanks...” he said, taking the key from Kevin. “I guess we should get you a room,” he said, turning to Brittany.

“Uh, the hotel's full,” Brian finally spoke up, looking at Nick.

“What? How's that even possible?”

Kevin gave Nick a look. “Because we announced on the site that there was a deal here... and that we would be staying here.”

“Oh,” Nick responded, then looked down at Brittany, who was watching all of this unfold while staying quiet. “Well, if you want I can crash with one of these guys and you can have my room.”

She shrugged. “It's fine. I'll stay with you.”

“Okay, well, I guess we'd better go get ready to go down to the club...” Nick said, picking up his suitcase and intending to walk over to his room, but Kevin stopped him.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked, then eyed Brittany. “It's private group stuff.”

“Uh, sure,” Brittany said, glancing up at Nick.

Nick just shrugged and handed her the room key. She took it and wheeled her suitcase down the hall, in search of the room.

Once Brittany was out of earshot, Kevin wasted no time. “What are you thinking, man?” he asked, shaking his head.

“What?” Nick asked, knowing full well that Kevin was going to start lecturing him about Brittany. He'd known that the moment he'd seen the two of them standing in the hall. Just his luck – why couldn't it have been AJ and Howie? Or Howie and Kevin?

Really, any combination that wasn't Kevin and Brian would have been ideal.

“Don't play dumb,” Kevin said. “Are you serious right now?”

“Uh, yeah?” Nick squinted his eyes at Kevin. He didn't really want to hear Kevin's lecture, and he wasn't even sure why he was still getting them, to be honest. At thirty-four years old, Nick was getting tired of hearing Kevin's fatherly advice.

Brian and Kevin exchanged a glance, and Nick rolled his eyes. “Why'd you bring her here?” Brian finally asked.

Nick shrugged. “I told you, she needed a vacation.”

“And you thought that the best way to give her one would be to bring her on a crazy Backstreet Boys cruise? This isn't a vacation, Nick, it's work,” Kevin said seriously. “She's not going to have fun, she's going to be bored out of her skull. We don't have time to babysit.”

“Whoa,” Nick said, holding up his hands for Kevin to stop. “First of all, you don't have to 'babysit,' she's twenty-one and can take care of herself. Second, I didn't want her hanging out in LA all alone, getting into trouble.”

Again, Kevin and Brian shared one of their glances.

“You know, I'm standing right here,” Nick said, looking at the two of them.

“Sorry Nick,” Brian sighed. “It's just that... it's things like this that caused Lauren to leave you...”

Nick's eyes widened. He hardly talked about the fact that Lauren had broken up with him six months ago, and hated it when anyone brought it up. She'd left him – there wasn't much he could do about that. Though he knew full well the issues that Lauren had with all the time he spent with Brittany, Nick maintained that she had just been just an artist he was managing. She was still just an artist he was managing.

“You know,” Brian continued, looking at Kevin for support. “Your conquests.”

“My conquests?” Nick spat. “Are you serious right now? She's not a fucking conquest, Bri. She's just a girl who I work with who I decided to bring on the cruise because she looked sad and like she needed something to do for the weekend. So I gave her something to do.” He ran a hand through his hair and glared at Kevin. “Don't give me that look,” he said.

“I wasn't giving you any look,” Kevin replied with a slight laugh. “You're just getting awfully defensive.”

“And you're pissing me off,” Nick said bluntly. He didn't have time for their accusations. Once Lauren was out of the picture, it was like everything had gone right back to how it had been when he was in his twenties. The guys didn't trust his decisions. They knew what was best for him. Or at least, they thought they did. “She's not a fucking conquest,” he said again, through gritted teeth. “That would make me the shittiest person ever.”

“Okay, Nick,” Brian sighed. “Sorry.”

But Nick didn't care to hear his apologies. “Whatever. I'm going to get ready to go to the club,” he said, walking away from them and heading towards his room. He took a deep breath and tried to shake off Brian and Kevin's comments.

Because really, Brittany wasn't a conquest.

Nick leaned his head back against the hotel room door once he was inside. He hadn't even thought about the other guys' reactions when he'd decided to bring Brittany with him.

“You okay?” Brittany asked him, backing away a little bit and going back to sorting through her suitcase.

“Yeah, fine,” Nick said offhandedly. Not like he could really tell her “Oh, well, the others are really weary that I brought you with me because they think I'm trying to bang you.” He watched her as she sat down on one of the two double beds a little awkwardly.

“So... ready for Cameo?” he asked, running a hand through his hair and glancing at her.

She shrugged. “I guess. I don't really have club clothing with me.”

Nick shrugged. “That's fine.”

The two of them shared an uncomfortable silence for a moment, and Nick worried he might have made a mistake in bringing her. He hadn't the faintest idea how to talk to her, or what he could say. He wasn't even sure they were really friends – they'd gone out drinking together a couple of times, but that had been right after they were in the studio and they had work stuff to talk about.

Now, sitting with her in Florida getting ready to board a ship that would be filled with his fans and his world, he just felt awkward.

Luckily, there was a knock at the door to save him from making any further conversation. He turned around and rolled his eyes as he looked through the peephole. “Hi, Rochelle,” he said shortly when he opened the door.

Rochelle and Nick had been on the outs for the past few months, ever since Lauren had broken up with him. It caused strain on his friendship with AJ – and made him feel awkward since he was well aware that Rochelle and Lauren were still close and still talked to each other.

Nick knew that Rochelle had the right to do all of that, but it still bothered him that her loyalty wasn't with him. Especially since she was married to one of his bandmates.

“Hey,” she said. “Uh, can I talk to Brittany for a second?”

Nick eyed her. No, she couldn't talk to Brittany! He wasn't even sure why she would want to, unless... Nick followed the trail of information in his head. Brian must have told AJ that Brittany was with him, AJ of course had told Rochelle, and Rochelle probably needed to get the dirt on her so she could report back to Lauren and the two of them could laugh about it.

“What's going on?” Brittany asked, coming up behind Nick before he had the chance to slam the door in Rochelle's face.

“Nothing,” Rochelle said sweetly. “I just wanted to talk to you. You know, girl stuff. Since you're here with this one... I thought you could use a comrade on the cruise. I'm Rochelle, AJ's wife.”

Brittany looked relieved, but Nick wasn't buying it.

Still, Rochelle pushed past Nick and let herself into the room. “Are you all set for the theme nights?” she asked.

“Uh...” Brittany said, glancing over at her suitcase. She hadn't known there were theme nights. She'd only brought what she'd intended to use in Europe. Which had been a bunch of casual clothes and a nicer dress for going out.

That she hadn't got to use at all, she thought bitterly.

Rochelle looked up at Nick. “You didn't tell her there were theme nights, did you?”

“I forgot,” Nick said sheepishly.

Rochelle sighed and turned back to Brittany. “Yeah, there's three theme nights. Carnival, 90's Night and Red Carpet. You don't have to dress up for them, but it's more fun if you do.”

Brittany bit her lip. For the thousandth time that day, she wondered what she was getting herself into. “I think I have something I could wear for a Red Carpet night... and what would you wear to a carnival anyway?” she laughed.

Rochelle sighed. “You want to go shopping? There's a mall not far from here, and it's open pretty late.”

“Don't we have to go to the club?” Brittany asked, glancing over at Nick.

“No, no,” Rochelle said, shaking her head. “You don't want to go to that. It'll just be the boys doing a meet and greet. It's not going to be fun at all. I'm not going. Come on, let's go shopping instead. You'll probably be spending a lot of time with us girls anyway this weekend when the boys are off doing their events, so we might as well get to know each other.”

Brittany couldn't quite argue with that. She hadn't really thought about what she was going to do when Nick was busy doing work stuff. She figured may as well take the time to go shopping and do something fun. “Okay,” she said, grabbing her purse off the bed. “Let's go.”

Brittany and Rochelle exited the hotel with ease. Even though there were some fans in the lobby that waved to them, they didn't bother them much, and for that, Brittany was grateful. She loved her career, and she loved her fans, but for once it was nice to not be the centre of attention.

“So, what's going on with you and Nick?” Rochelle asked once the two of them began walking down the street to the mall.

Brittany glanced over at her. That had been quite a forward question that she hadn't expected at all. “Um, nothing,” she said, giving her a look. “I had a boyfriend up until about two days ago.”

“Okay,” Rochelle said, taking a tube of lipstick out of her purse and applying some before speaking again. “Not like that's ever stopped Nick before,” she laughed.

“Well it stopped me,” Brittany replied with slight annoyance, before realizing what she'd implied. Rochelle didn't know that Brittany's annoyance wasn't directed at her, and that her comment about how she didn't cheat had nothing to do with Nick at all.

“Oh,” Rochelle said, raising her eyebrows a little. “But now that you don't...” she trailed off, leaving Brittany to fill in the rest.

But this conversation was weirding her out. She'd hardly thought of Nick as anything more than a friend. Hell, she'd hardly thought of Nick as a friend. He'd been a mentor and a co-worker. But friend? Even that was pushing it. “He's just a friend,” she said simply, shrugging her shoulders.

“Come on,” Rochelle pressed. “You've never thought about him like that?”

“No,” Brittany said honestly. She never, ever had.

Rochelle laughed a little. “Even I've thought about him like that.”

“Are you not married to his AJ?” Brittany asked, unable to contain herself. She didn't like Rochelle's attitude, and she really didn't understand it. She hadn't done anything!

Rochelle rolled her eyes. “Well, yeah, but when you're part of this group long enough, and you hear about Nick, and how he fucks everything, you can't help but think about it. He talks about it enough.”

Brittany furrowed her eyebrows. She didn't know Nick past what he was like in the studio, or the fact that he got a bit louder after he'd had a few drinks in him. But she wasn't about to let this girl and her attitude get the better of her. “Do you not like Nick or something?”

Rochelle sort of gave Brittany a look. “Well when you find out a guy was cheating on your best friend for a little over a year, it causes you to sort of not like him.”

Brittany, of course, had no idea what Rochelle was talking about.

“Let's just say, it's no surprise to anyone that you're here,” Rochelle continued, glancing at Brittany.

It began to dawn on Brittany that perhaps not everyone in Nick's camp was cool with her being there. And maybe, it seemed like they thought that she was Nick's girlfriend – or worse, just someone he was trying to hook up with. Or maybe someone he had been hooking up with... while he was seeing someone else.

Brittany thought for a moment. When she'd started working with Nick, she'd known he'd had a girlfriend. He'd mentioned her a few times while they'd been working on her album. Then she'd gone off, toured, done her own thing. Now that she was back working with him, she hadn't heard about her at all.

It wasn't hard to put two and two together.

“I didn't break up Nick and his girlfriend,” Brittany said shortly.

Rochelle just shrugged. “I didn't say that you did. Lauren had her suspicions about you two, though.”

“Well she was wrong,” Brittany confirmed. “So, so, wrong. I had a boyfriend, and Nick wouldn't do that.”

Rochelle looked at the ground and shook her head in disbelief. “Don't act like you know him. You don't. Especially if you say something like that.”

“Well I'm not going to stand here and talk shit about him, especially after he was nice enough to bring me here.”

“Nice enough?” Rochelle laughed. “Sorry, but he's probably just seeing this as an opportunity to get into your pants.”


Brittany refused to believe that. Nick had never tried anything with her before, why start now? Besides the obvious reason, Brittany wondered why Nick would even want to go after her anyway. He was about to get on a boat filled with girls who would be more than willing. There was no reason for him to play little games with her.

“Whatever,” Brittany said sharply. She still didn't appreciate the attitude she was getting from Rochelle. “Look, I get that you're pissed that your friend isn't here anymore because she and Nick broke up, but really, I didn't do anything. So can we please just go shopping and not talk about him anymore?”

Rochelle sighed. “Yeah, sorry, just all the stuff he did to her really gets on my nerves. Sorry I took it out on you, this is the first cruise she's not here.”

“It's fine,” Brittany said, still sounding somewhat irritated. But she really did need to go shopping, and she didn't want to spend the rest of the cruise feeling awkward around the other girls. “Let's just go find something that counts as carnival clothing, because really, what does that even mean?”

Rochelle laughed. “I don't know.”

Brittany breathed a little sigh of relief as they stepped into the outdoor mall. It seemed that for the time being, the crisis had been averted.

***

Significantly later that night, Brittany was sitting in the hotel room, waiting for Nick to come back from the club. She was only half watching TV, but her mind was elsewhere.

First, she thought about her shopping trip with Rochelle. Despite the awkward beginning, the two of them had actually managed to have fun and pick out a few good things for Brittany to wear on the cruise – and not just on the theme nights.

She smiled as she looked over at the shopping bags. A little retail therapy was never a bad thing.

Of course, then her mind drifted to a much more unhappy place. She looked over at her suitcase and instantly she was reminded of Europe, and all she'd left behind there. She wondered if Niall missed her, and if he was miserable without her.

She rolled her eyes a little. Of course he was miserable without her. But, he was also somewhat pathetic, and always had been. He'd never tried to fight for her, he'd just moped around miserably until she came on to him. She was always the one doing the work in their relationship – he never had.

At least, that was how she saw it now, with her skewed perception of him. But she knew him well – he was probably moping around the tour, causing everyone to feel bad for him. She was sure someone would eventually tell him off, and she grinned a little to herself, knowing that someone would probably be Liam.

Then she frowned, knowing she wouldn't be around to witness it. She wasn't even sure she'd hear about it – she didn't know if she could contact Danielle and talk to her still. It didn't seem right. She wasn't a part of that group anymore, no matter how strange and foreign that still seemed.

The hotel room door opened, pulling Brittany out of her thoughts. She looked up as Nick strolled into the room, wearing a huge grin on his face. He walked past Brittany and flopped down on the other bed.

“How was Cameo?” she asked, flicking off the TV.

“Cameo?” Nick asked, looking up at her, holding his hand to his chin and appearing to be deep in thought. He was obviously drunk. “Oh right, the name of the club. It was good! How was your shopping trip? Did you actually have fun with Rochelle? I hope she didn't say anything to you, she's such a bitch.”

Brittany widened her eyes, and Nick clasped a hand over his mouth, clearly realizing that he'd said too much.

“Oops, sorry,” he laughed, putting his hands over his eyes. He pulled his shirt off, and crawled under the covers. Brittany watched him – she couldn't help it exactly. She'd never thought of Nick in that way before, but now, sitting here, looking at him, it was difficult not to. He wasn't overly toned, but he wasn't fat either.

It was a nice sight, but nothing more than that.

“It's okay. We had fun,” Brittany said, not bothering to go into the fact that Rochelle actually had said something to her. There would have been no point. Nick was drunk – and she wasn't sure she wanted to start a bunch of drama right before getting on the boat anyway.

When Nick didn't respond, she looked at him a little more intently.

He was already asleep, with his arms crossed over his chest and his mouth hanging open slightly.

She shook her head. The entire day had been strange. She reached over and turned off the lamp, crawling under the covers of her own bed.

When she closed her eyes, she couldn't help but think about how uncomfortable she felt. Here she was, laying in a hotel room with Nick in the bed opposite to her, about to go on a cruise with his group and all of their fans. Not just two days ago, she'd been in Europe, getting ready to spend a few days with Niall celebrating their anniversary.

The change was all a little much for her, and she swallowed quickly, trying to force the lump in her throat back down. Crying wasn't going to do her any good, and she'd just end up feeling awkward around Nick if he woke up to find her doing so. Not that there was any danger of that; he seemed pretty dead to the world.

She sighed to herself, trying to fall asleep. She somewhat hoped that when she woke up she'd be back in Europe, with Niall, telling him about this crazy dream she'd had where he'd cheated on her, they'd broken up and then she'd flown to Miami on a whim with Nick. They'd laugh about it – because it was something that would never, ever happen.

It seemed so inconceivable that she even reached over and pinched herself. She sighed sadly. It hurt, and this was no dream.

Brittany awoke the next morning to a loud thumping on the door.

“What's that?” she mumbled, rolling over to face where Nick's was sleeping.

“That,” Nick muttered, pulling the covers off from over his head and rolling over so he was on his back. “Is Kevin.”

Brittany glanced over to the door and wondered what she should do.

“Nick!” Kevin shouted through the door with a laugh. “Get up! I know you forgot to set an alarm, so this is the early morning wake up call that you requested, lil bro!” His tone wasn't angry, more that of a friend taunting another friend for something silly he'd said the night before.

Nick stretched his arms out and yawned before throwing the covers off himself and getting out of bed. “Nothing ever changes,” he muttered to himself as he walked over to the bathroom. “Been in this group twenty-one years and Kevin's still banging on my door.”

Brittany heard the door to the bathroom shut as she stared up at the ceiling.

Sometimes she forgot how much older Nick was than her. Not when they were working, but anytime they had just gone to hang out, it slipped her mind. But there it was, right in front of her. She was as old as the group Nick was a part of. It was hard for her to wrap her head around.

She sat up on bed and looked around the room before grabbing her phone off the bedside table. There were still no messages, and for that, she was thankful. Not caring to log on to twitter, she set her phone back down.

She closed her eyes and relaxed for a few minutes before she heard Nick flush the toilet and open the bathroom door. He walked out of the bathroom and pulled a t-shirt from his duffel bag over his head. “Hey,” he said, looking over at her. “Do you think I need to shower?” he asked, running his hand through his hair and looking at himself in the mirror.

Brittany wrinkled her nose. His hair was matted down and had stayed put when he'd run his hand through it. She was sure it still had leftover product in it from the night before. Why was he even asking that question? Shouldn't it have been a given, since he'd been at that club the night before and was about to get on a boat filled with a bunch of his fans? “Uh, yeah,” she said as though it was obvious. Of course he needed to shower!

He glanced back at her, giving her a sly grin. “Do you want to shower with me?”

She was sure she looked at him in horror, but then she quickly realized he must have been joking. He had to have been joking. She didn't want to think that all the things Rochelle had said about him the night before were true. “I'll pass, thanks.”

Nick just laughed. His bad attempt at a joke had fooled her for a couple seconds at least. “I was kidding anyway.”

But Brittany raised her eyebrow a little, unable to resist the urge to tease him. “And what would you have done if I'd said yes?”

Nick shrugged, pulling his shirt over his head once again. “I'd have done it. I'm a trooper.” He tossed the shirt back onto the ground and walked back into the bathroom, closing the door and turning on the water.

Brittany sighed to herself. She had no idea what she was getting herself into. In between Rochelle's comments the night before and Nick's that morning, she was starting to wonder if she was in over her head.

***

The ride to the dock had been fairly uneventful. Everyone had been tired and was quiet. Brittany had sat with Nick, who had sat near Kevin and Kristin. It seemed weird to her to talk to them – she didn't really know what to say. If she thought Nick was older than her, everyone else in the group was older still. She had no idea how to relate to these people.

As she sat in the cruise boarding area waiting for Nick to get it set up so she could board with him, she scrolled through the contacts on her phone. She actually hadn't realized how much she'd depended on her relationship with Niall. All of her friends were connected to him.

While she thought about this, her phone buzzed in her hand.

Danielle Peazer.

Brittany bit her lip and glanced around. No one seemed to be paying any attention to her. She figured she may as well get this call with Danielle over with before she was without cell reception for three days.

“Hello...” she said wearily.

“As if you just took off without saying anything to me!” Danielle said in exasperation. “And then you didn't call, or anything. Are you okay? Tell me what happened.”

Brittany furrowed her eyebrows. Was it possible that Danielle didn't hate her? “Um, what?”

“You didn't even say goodbye. Or call, or anything. I've been so worried about you! I wanted to give you your space, but come on, talk to me.”

Brittany sighed, feeling slightly relieved that Danielle still seemed to want to be her friend. “Are you around the boys at all?”

“No,” Danielle said quickly. “They've all gone out. That's why I called you.”

“Yeah, I guess that makes sense,” Brittany mumbled. She was sure that when the boys were around there was nothing but trash talk about her. Especially from Harry. She rolled her eyes. That was one thing she supposed she could be thankful for – never having to deal with him again.

“So what happened? You left so suddenly.”

“What?” she asked with a slight roll of her eyes. “You mean Niall didn't tell you?”

“He hasn't said much of anything, really,” Danielle said honestly.

Brittany sighed. “Let me guess. After I left Harry was super quick to tell you guys the whole story, and how I was a total hypocrite, and Niall's just been moping around.”

“Well, yeah,” Danielle said sheepishly. “Niall did tell Harry to shut up, though.”

“Impressive,” Brittany said bitterly.

Danielle was silent for a moment. “So you're not going to call him or anything? That's it for you guys?” she asked softly.

Brittany glanced around to make sure no one was listening to her. They weren't, and Nick was still standing at the service desk. “He cheated on me, Dani,” she whispered sadly.

“Yeah, I know,” Danielle replied. “But Britt, you should see him. He's so sad, and he's really sorry. He loves you so much.”

“I don't care,” Brittany said with annoyance, but of course it was a lie.

“I think you do.”

Brittany rolled her eyes. No matter how much she cared and how much she knew she still loved him, her pride wouldn't let her go back to him. She still seethed with rage whenever she thought about it, and didn't think she could ever go back to trusting him the way she had before. “Did you just call me to convince me to call him?”

“No, I didn't,” Danielle replied. “I really just wanted to make sure you were okay. I'm going to miss you around here.”

“Thanks,” Brittany said softly. “I'll miss you too.”

“So did you just go home then?” Danielle asked, changing the subject slightly.

“Uh...” Brittany said, looking over to where Nick was standing, and wondering if she should tell Danielle where she actually was. “I did... but now I'm in Miami.”

“Miami? What are you doing in Miami?” Danielle asked in surprise.

Brittany bit her lip. “Going on a cruise.”

“What? How'd you manage to book a cruise this late? Where are you going?”

Brittany sighed, figuring she may as well tell Danielle. She was probably going to find out eventually anyway. “I'm going on the Backstreet Boys cruise. Nick invited me.”

There was a pause. “Nick invited you?” Danielle asked. “That was nice of him.”

“Yeah, I know...” Brittany trailed off, looking up at Nick. He glanced over at her, and motioned for her to join him where he was standing with the clerk. She gave him a look, but he continued to wave her over. “Hey, I gotta get going, I think we're going to board soon.”

“Okay,” Danielle replied. “Have fun Britt... you deserve it.”

“Thanks,” Brittany said, smiling a little. She did deserve it, after all the crap she'd been through and she was glad that Danielle agreed with her. “I'll call you when it's over.”

“I hope so, you'll have to tell me everything!”

“I will, bye Dani.”

“Talk soon.”

Brittany tapped the end call button and walked over to where Nick was standing. “What's up?”

“You need to fill out some stuff,” Nick said, sliding a couple papers over to her. “Also, the cruise is sold out, so you have to stay in my room. Don't worry, it's a big room and it's got two beds in it and everything.”

Brittany shrugged. She'd stayed in the hotel room with him, and that hadn't been so bad. “That's fine,” she said, filling out the papers while Nick leaned back against the counter, watching her.

“Are you serious?” he asked at one point, looking down at the paper.

“What?” she asked, not having a clue what he was talking about. How many ways were there to fill out a form?

“Is that actually your birthday?” he asked, pointing at the date she'd written down on the form. April 20th, 1993.

“Uh, yeah,” She said, glancing up at him. She was unable to read the look his disbelief that he was giving her. “What?”

“Nothing,” Nick muttered. He leaned up against the counter again and stared up at the ceiling fans, trying to distract himself from how old he felt.

Eventually Brittany finished filling out the forms and was granted her Sign & Sail card. They sat in the waiting area for a little while longer before they boarded the ship. Again, Brittany glanced around. It felt strange, being with all of these people and not knowing any of them. It wasn't at all the experience she was used to.

And after talking to Danielle, she missed everyone in the other group even more.

“Do you know the answer?” Nick asked, snapping Brittany back to reality.

“What?”

Nick pointed upwards. “They're playing Backstreet trivia over the intercom. Do you know the answer?”

She gave him a look. “I didn't even hear the question.”

Nick laughed. “What was our first single?”

Brittany shrugged. She actually didn't know the answer to that, but she figured it couldn't be too hard to guess. “I Want It That Way.”

Nick gaped at her. “Are you kidding?” he asked. “Our first single was not I Want It That Way. That was on our third album! Third!”

“Oops,” Brittany grinned sheepishly. She had no idea. “What was it?”

“We've Got It Goin' On,” Nick told her, nodding his head. “And you know who didn't get to sing on it because his voice cracked too much?”

Brittany stifled a giggle. “I'm going to go out on a limb and say it was you.”

“Damn right it was me.”

A few trivia questions later, and the ship was ready for the boys and their crew to board. Brittany walked beside Nick onto the ship and quickly followed him over to what would be their shared space for the next three days.

To say it was completely luxurious would be an understatement. It had its own balcony, two beds, a table in the middle, a couch and a flat screen TV. It was a lot nicer than some hotel rooms she'd been in and for a room on a boat, she was definitely impressed.

“So, what do you think?” Nick asked, dropping his bags onto the bed closest to the balcony.

“It's nice,” she said with a nod of her head. “Thanks for bringing me, Nick,” she smiled.

“Hey, it's no problem,” he winked, opening the doors and going to sit outside.

Brittany followed behind him. The view was spectacular. If this was what she was going to have to do to get over her break-up, she was perfectly okay with that.

After sitting out on the balcony for a little while, Nick had to leave for the Sail Away Party. He had asked Brittany if she wanted to join him, but she had opted not to, saying she just wanted to enjoy the view.

The was fine with him. So he went off to the Lido Deck, security in tow.

“Hey, fellas,” he said with a grin.

The others nodded a quick greeting at him, and they ignored the screams of the fans in front of the stage area. The ship started to move and the DJ began to play music.

“You're late,” AJ said, snicking a little.

“Yeah, sorry,” Nick said sheepishly. “I was enjoying the view.”

“I bet you were,” he laughed suggestively.

Nick rolled his eyes, but didn't say anything. Try as he might, he was never going to convince the others that he hadn't brought Brittany with him in an attempt to get into her pants. And, try as he might, he also wouldn't be able to convince himself that the only reason he had brought her was just to be nice and give her some breathing room after her break-up, either.

But he'd always been good at lying to himself.

“Hello ladies!” Nick exclaimed into his microphone. “Are y'all ready to party?”

Commence the screaming. He grinned to himself as the music got louder and the wind blew through his hair. It was shaping up to be a pretty good weekend.

Afterwards, he made it back to his room a little buzzed – he was the one footing the bill for the ship after all. It was his weekend to party. He didn't have anywhere to be for a couple of hours, until it was time to go to one of the game shows. Whatever it was – he wasn't quite sure.

He opened the door to his room and saw Brittany still sitting out on the balcony of the room, looking out onto the ocean.

“Hey,” he said, stepping out to join her.

He appeared to have startled her, because she jumped a little in her seat. “Hey,” she said quickly, wiping her eyes. “How was your party?”

Nick pretended not to notice the fact that she'd obviously been crying. Because if she wanted to talk to him, she would, right? He didn't know what to say to her, and didn't want to pressure her into talking if she didn't want to. “It was great,” he grinned. “Really dope. Plus, I really missed those fin drinks.”

Brittany raised her eyebrow. “Fin drinks?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Nick said. “You haven't had one?”

Brittany shook her head. “Considering I've never been on a cruise before...no. I have no idea what you're talking about.”

Nick gaped at her, and acted like it was the biggest deal in the world that she hadn't had one before. In reality, he was making a bigger deal out of it that it was to try and distract her from whatever had been making her upset. A drink would probably do her good. “Wait right here,” he said, dashing off the balcony and out of the room.

He returned a few minutes later with two of the aforementioned “fin drinks.” “Here,” he said, handing it to her. It was just as he'd described it – a drink that looked identical to the fin of the ship with a straw sticking out of it.

“Thanks,” she said, eyeing it.

“Cheers,” Nick said, clinking their cups together. “Good?” he asked after they'd taken a sip.

“Yeah,” Brittany nodded, putting her mouth around the straw and chugging the rest of it. “Really good,” she laughed.

Nick gave her an impressed look. “You want me to get you another?” he asked with a sly grin.

She rolled her eyes. “Are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Maybe,” he joked.

Brittany just laughed, the alcohol clearly making her a little more comfortable around Nick. “Maybe I'll have another one later. The cup's cute though.”

Nick just nodded, chewing on the straw of his own drink. “You're cute,” he said flirtatiously.

Brittany looked at him, but didn't say anything.

Nick ran a hand through his hair. He hadn't really meant anything by the remark, but it was clear she wasn't in the mood to hear anything like that. “So what'cha think of the view?” he asked, changing the subject.

“It's nice,” she said quietly, looking out at the ocean.

“Yeah,” Nick sighed, stretching out a little in his chair. “We're supposed to save these rooms for the fans to get, but I wanted one for myself. Need a little place to escape the craziness, you know?”

“Is it really that crazy?” Brittany asked, glancing at him.

Nick gave her a look. “Yeah... you've been in the room the whole time. You should come to the gameshow. You'll see the crazy. Are you going to come to the deck party tonight?”

Brittany shrugged. “I don't know.”

Nick cocked his head to the side. “Oh come on, I didn't bring you all the way here so you could sit in the room the whole time. If you're not going to come to the gameshow, at least come out to the deck party. They're fun... lots of fans screaming... more of those cute cups,” he gestured to the fin that was still in her hand.

Brittany laughed a little. “I guess I'll come to the deck party,” she said with a small smile.

Nick grinned. “It'll be fun. Just you wait. Now, let's get them to bring some food to the room, because I'm starving.”

***

The deck party was like nothing Brittany had ever seen before.

The deck of the ship was packed and crowded with fans, each of them dressed up in their best 90's gear for the theme of the evening. Of course, this meant they were decked out in old school Backstreet Boys t-shirts, but Brittany had at least managed to find something a little less obvious while they were out shopping.

She hung back a little while the boys walked out onto the ledge that overlooked the fans. The fans screamed and cheered and it wasn't unlike that of the multiple One Direction concerts she'd been to in her lifetime.

Of course, this was a little different given that all the girls were drinking and nearly in their 30's.

“I hate this part,” Brittany heard Leighanne mutter to Kristin.

Kristin didn't say anything, she just merely nodded.

Leigh and Rochelle were wrapped up in their own little conversation. Despite her shopping trip with Rochelle the day before, Brittany still didn't feel as if she knew any of the other girls. So, she just hung back and watched the boys from afar as they entertained their fans.

It was quite a sight. Nick had a drink in his hand, but continually spilled it as Kevin tried to say something to him. AJ and Brian were dancing along to the music a little further away, and on the other end of the ledge Howie was yelling something in Spanish, laughing the entire time.

“Are you ready for this?” Leighanne asked, tapping Brittany on the shoulder.

“Huh?” Brittany asked, turning around. She wasn't even sure which woman was attached to which Backstreet Boy, save for Rochelle.

“This,” Leighanne said, gesturing towards all the fans. “When we walk out there, and they see you, it'll be like going public with your relationship with Nick.”

Brittany gave her a look. “I don't have a relationship with Nick.”

Leighanne shrugged her shoulders a little and looked down at the group of fans. She didn't say anything more, but it was clear to Brittany by her body language that she didn't believe her. And it annoyed her to no end. Between Rochelle's comments the day before, and Leighanne's current attitude, Brittany was beginning to wonder which boyband camp was the more mature one out of the two that she knew.

Then she remembered that One Direction had Harry Styles, which meant they instantly lost in any sort of maturity competition. She giggled a little to herself, thinking that this blonde wife of a Backstreet Boy would probably be a match made in heaven for Harry.

“Hey,” Brian said, walking over to where all of the girls were standing. “What are y'all doing back here? C'mon,” he said, taking Leighanne's hand and pulling her out further onto the ledge.

And just like that, the girls were out in the open, paired up with their respective boys, dancing to some Spice Girls song that Brittany only faintly knew.

“Do you want another drink?” Nick laughed, nearly shouting over the screaming of the fans and the loud music.

Brittany nodded eagerly, feeling as though she was probably going to need it. “Yes!”

Already half in the bag, Nick grabbed Brittany's hand and led her over to their own private bar, getting two of the fins they had earlier, and two shots.

“It's not a Backstreet Cruise without Patrón,” Nick said seriously, handing one of the shot glasses to her. “Cheers, baby,” he winked, clinking his small glass with hers.

Brittany downed the shot without thinking and swallowed quickly as the liquid burned her throat. She set the glass down on the edge of the bar and laughed a little, taking a sip of the fin drink. “You want to go back over there?” she asked, glancing over to where the rest of their group was.

Nick looked back. “Nah, let's stay here and drink,” he said, still wearing the same cocky smirk he'd had on his face all evening.

Brittany nodded, but couldn't help looking over to where the others were. Brian was dancing with his wife, AJ and Rochelle were laughing and talking. Kevin and Kristin were involved in some sort of dance off with Howie and Leigh.

She glanced back at Nick as he handed her another shot. Suddenly, she began to realize that perhaps Nick hadn't just brought her on the cruise so she'd have something to do.

Maybe he needed the distraction and someone to spend time with as well.

Nick woke up the next morning when he felt the ship come to a whirring stop. One look out the window told him that they'd arrived at their destination for the day – Half Moon Cay.

He rolled over to face away from the window in hopes of catching a couple more hours of sleep, but was met with a startling surprise.

Brittany.

In his bed.

His eyes shot open and he pulled away quickly. He gave himself the once over to make sure he was wearing clothes. He was... the same clothes he'd been wearing the night before. He sat up quickly and rubbed his head.

It all came back to him.

Brittany downed another shot of Patrón and giggled to herself. Nick draped his arm around her as they stumbled back to their room. Nick had since lost track of how many they'd had, but suffice to say, he was feeling pretty good.

Brittany leaned back against their door as Nick fumbled with his card to let them inside. “This is the best cruise ever,” she laughed. “I mean, it's the only cruise ever, but it's the best cruise ever. I'm coming on the Backstreet Boys cruise every year!” she exclaimed as Nick finally managed to open the door and they entered the room.

Nick flopped down backwards on his bed. “Oh yeah?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. “So are we your new favourite boyband now?”

Brittany shrugged, hopping down on the bed beside him and crossing her legs. “You're pretty much the same, if I'm being honest.”

Nick shook his head violently. “Are you kidding me?”

Brittany just giggled. “Aren't all boybands built on the same model anyway?”

“No,” Nick lied, thinking about how they'd originally been modelled after New Kids on the Block. “We're all different. Like... there's no AJ in One Direction,” Nick said seriously. As seriously as he could anyway, considering how drunk and giddy he was.

Brittany rolled her eyes. “I mean, there's Zayn. He's the bad boy with the tattoos,” she laughed, making finger quotes as she said the words 'bad boy.' “So he's basically their AJ!”

“Uh huh,” Nick muttered. “It's easy to get a bunch of tattoos. Not easy to get a bossy older brother dad like Kevin,” he challenged.

“They have a Kevin. They already call Liam 'Daddy Direction' and everything,” she snickered.

“Fine,” Nick said, a smirk playing on his lips. “But you can't tell me that they have a Nick. The loveable prankster who gets all the chicks.”

Brittany put a finger to her lips and appeared to be deep in thought. “Harry gets all the chicks. Louis is the prankster. So...you're so awesome you count for two!” she giggled.

“Damn right I'm awesome,” Nick nodded. “So who gets kicked out? Which Backstreet Boy isn't good enough to be in One Direction?”

“Hmmmm...” Brittany said, stretching out on the bed and giving Nick a look. “Howie seems really sweet... and so is Louis, honestly, so Howie gets to be in.”

Nick didn't dare mention the fact that she'd completely missed a member of the other group. He wasn't sure if she'd done it on purpose, or if she'd overlooked him in her drunken state. “So there's no church going homebody who thinks he's better than everyone in your other group?” Nick laughed. “I guess Brian's out.”

“Yeah... guess so,” Brittany said softly.

Nick searched her face. That same distant look she'd had earlier in the day was back again. “Brian really sucks...” he said suddenly. “He sucks so bad. So maybe he can be in the group,” he said, winking at her..

Brittany laughed a little bit, closing her eyes.“Yeah, maybe there's a place for him after all.”

There was a bit of an awkward silence after that where Nick didn't quite know what to say. He looked down at Brittany, and smiled a little to himself as he rested his head on the pillows.

“Shit,” Nick muttered to himself. They must have fallen asleep without realizing it. And though he was sure nothing had happened, it still didn't look good. So, he tried to smoothly get out of the bed and go over to the other one, in hopes that Brittany would wake up and have no clue that they'd spent the night beside each other.

It didn't work. His leg was tangled in the sheets and he went crashing to the ground, waking Brittany up in the process.

“Hmm...” she sighed, opening her eyes. “Nick?” she asked, glancing down at him, laying on the floor beside the bed. “What are you doing down there?”

“Uh...” Nick said stupidly. “I fell off the bed.”

Brittany's eyes widened. “Oh God,” she said, covering her mouth with her hand. “I didn't... we didn't... oh my God...”

“No!” Nick said quickly, sitting up. “We didn't. We just fell asleep.”

“Thank God,” Brittany sighed, feeling slightly better. She didn't know what she would have done had she slept with Nick. That would have been awkward – especially since they were still stuck together on the boat for the next couple of days. She looked back down at him, where he was still sitting on the floor. “We drank a lot last night,” she commented, laughing a little. “I don't even remember what we talked about.”

“Me neither,” Nick laughed as he lied through his teeth. No need to bring up Brittany and her boyband comparisons. Or the fact that even while drunk, she still looked sad and distraught whenever she remembered her break-up.

“Where are we again?” Brittany asked, getting up and looking out the window.

Nick stood up and joined her over by the balcony. “Half Moon Cay. The Bahamas.”

They stood silently for a moment, enjoying the view. Nick looked down at her a smiled to himself. They'd had fun the night before, and she seemed to be in better spirits than she had been the past couple of days already. And he was certainly enjoying her company – more than he thought he would have, in fact.

The cruise, it seemed, was beginning to do them both a world of good.

***

“This is a really nice beach,” Brittany commented as they stood outside the hotel where the beach party was to be held. She had a beach bag slung over her shoulders and was wearing a light sundress over top of her bathing suit. Not that she planned on going in the water at all – but it didn't feel right to not wear one while out there.

Nick nodded, taking his phone out of his pocket. “Yeah, it is,” he said, connecting to the hotel's WiFi.

Brittany glanced around. All of the fans were filing slowly into the area in front of the stage, but she and the rest of the group were in a roped off area that the fans couldn't quite see or get to.

“What're you doing?” she asked, glancing up at his phone. “I thought there was no reception.”

“Hotel WiFi,” Nick explained as he checked his e-mails. “You could also probably turn on roaming, if you wanted.”

Brittany nodded; that made sense. She neglected to pull out her phone, not really interested in checking twitter or her text messages.

But of course, everyone else was checking it.

“Um, guys,” Rochelle said, addressing the whole group. The area they were standing in wasn't big, and they were all in relatively close proximity. “The cruise is trending on twitter...”

Brittany snapped her head up, but everyone else just looked confused. “What?” Kevin asked, raising his eyebrow.

“Yeah,” Rochelle explained, holding up her phone to show the others the trending topics.

Indeed BSB Cruise was near the top of the list. Along with Niall and Brittany and Niam.

“That's weird,” Leighanne said, pulling out her phone. “It's never trended before.”

Brittany pulled out her own phone and peeked at the trending topics. She was too curious not to – having to know what everyone was saying about her and Niall. Why were they trending? Did the world finally know? She began to feel sick to her stomach.

NiallsNandos: Uhm did Niall and Brittany break up? #HopefulTweet #SorryNotSorry

iLoveNialler: Niall and Brittany were supposed to be together the whole weekend but she's gone on the BSB Cruise... suspicious.

1D1Thing: Niam was having lunch at Nando's yesterday... and Niall looks really upset. idk you guys I think Niall and Brittany broke up.

niamisdefinitelyreal: look at this adorbs picture of Niam omggg you guys he's totally comforting him! #niamisreal

She rolled her eyes, sighing to herself. No one had confirmed anything. Against her better judgement, she went to look at Niall's twitter feed to see what he'd been saying. The latest tweet on his feed was one that he'd posted days prior.

NiallOfficial: @BrittCooperMusic can't wait to see you, love xx

Her heart stung as she rolled her eyes. His lack of tweeting anything since she'd been there with him was almost a dead giveaway that something was up. Normally, her boyfriend was a tweeting machine.

Ex-boyfriend, she reminded herself bitterly.

As she continued to scroll through the trends, she sighed. There were all kinds of pictures and “proof” that she and Niall were over. Attached to the BSB Cruise trend was a photo of her and Nick from the night before with his arm draped around her, and it looked as though he was whispering something in her ear. Under the Niam trend, there was of course, the photo of Niall and Liam at a Nando's with Niall looking quite upset and Liam saying something to him.

The Niall and Brittany trend held all sorts of speculation.

She opened up the update screen to post something. Her silence on twitter was also telling – just as Niall's was. Though at least she had an excuse – she'd been on a boat with no service for the past day.

Still, she felt she needed to post something. Anything.

BrittCooperMusic: great time so far on the BSB Cruise. Thanks for bringing me, @nickcarter! Been looking forward to this for a long time!

Nick glanced over her shoulder. “What'cha doing?”

“Updating twitter,” she said shortly, still looking at her feed, and the tweet directly underneath the one she'd just posted.

BrittCooperMusic: @NiallOfficial I love you so much, see you soon! xoxo

She swallowed, trying to force her feelings back down her throat. She really wanted to delete that tweet, take her phone and smash it under her foot – but she didn't. Doing so would confirm all the rumours going around. She didn't want that. Not yet.

“Been looking forward to it for a long time?” Nick asked, not noticing that Brittany was seething with rage. “How? You didn't even know you were coming,” he laughed.

“Just shut up, Nick,” she muttered. “God.”

“What?” he laughed, still not getting the hint that she was upset. “You didn't.”

“Yeah, I know,” she said, glaring at him. “But if I put that there it'll look like it was planned from the start and people will stop fucking assuming that Niall and I are broken up.”

“You are broken up,” Nick reminded her, lowering his voice so the others couldn't hear their conversation. “But I get it. You don't want everyone to know yet. 'Cause if you do that, it's like admitting it's really over.” he shrugged.

Brittany looked up at him. She felt tears stinging in her eyes. She wasn't sure if they were because of everything she'd seen on twitter, or the fact that Nick truly seemed to understand exactly where she was coming form. Perhaps it was a little of both. “Yeah,” she whispered, moving closer to him. “Exactly.”

Nick wasn't sure what the right thing to do in this situation was, but he did feel bad for her. Going through a public break-up was never an easy thing. “It'll be okay,” he said awkwardly, slinging his arm around her and rubbing her shoulder slightly. “You want me to send Kevin to get you a drink?” he asked, loud enough so that Kevin would hear.

“I'm not your servant, Carter!” Kevin called over to them, with a laugh. “Get your own drinks.”

Nick wiggled his eyebrows as he looked down at Brittany. “I guess that's 'Daddy Backstreet' for you,” he laughed, referencing their drunken conversation from the night before.

Brittany smiled and shook her head. Though she didn't quite remember everything about the night before, she understood what Nick was getting at. “Not really,” she said.

“How so?”

She gave him a cheeky grin. “Liam would have actually gone to get the drinks.”

Nick laughed as they walked over to the bar. Brittany wasn't sure she'd ever consumed so much alcohol in one weekend, but she was fine with that. After a couple of drinks, Nick and the other boys were summoned over to the stage to do their performance and whatever beach games they were going to be playing for the entertainment of the fans.

Brittany joined the rest of the girls in the area behind the stage, but kept to herself as the four of them chatted. She half listened to their conversation, but it was mostly about how loud and annoying the fans on the cruise were.

Brittany raised her eyebrow looking out at the crowd. She didn't think they were so bad, but refrained from saying she'd dealt with much worse. Bringing up the fact that the fans she was used to were so much younger probably wouldn't help hers or Nick's case any.

So, she bit the bullet and turned roaming on her phone on, curious to see if she had any text messages.

Only one came through.

Danielle Peazer: ugh as soon as you can text me... it's like I'm the third wheel over here! Your ex-boyfriend stole my current boyfriend hahaha

Brittany giggled to herself. She should have figured that was going to happen.

Brittany Cooper: don't forget dani, in the world of niam, you and i are irrelevant.

Almost immediately, another message came through.

Danielle Peazer: don't I know it... did u see that picture of them at Nando's? I was actually there too! Not like the fans would have noticed, or niall and liam would have noticed.

Brittany Cooper: lol oh no of course not

Danielle Peazer: i seriously miss you over here... can you just like, date Zayn or something so you can come back?

Brittany laughed at Danielle's ridiculous remark. She almost mourned the fact that she'd hardly ever get to see her friend any more than the fact that her relationship with Niall was over.

Brittany Cooper: i'll pass lol. I don't need to make my way through every member of the group!!

Danielle Peazer: well you could always get back together with harry. I'm sure it would make his life to be the one who won out in the end!!

The thought of getting back together with Harry made her gag – sometimes she couldn't even believe she'd ever dated him (for however brief a period) in the first place.

Brittany Cooper: ewww no thanks!!

Danielle Peazer: Right...right... I forgot... you've got yourself a backstreet boyfriend now ;)

Brittany rolled her eyes, but still grinned a little. It was clear that Danielle was kidding – unlike everyone else who'd made the same assumption over the weekend thus far.

Brittany Cooper: i have no such thing!

Danielle Peazer: sorry, maybe boyfriend was the wrong word. Fling? Rebound? Come on brittany, he's the perfect rebound – an older, more mature version of your ex! Haha!

Brittany glanced up at the stage where the boys were engaging the fans. She watched Nick as he made obscene gestures at the fans, thinking he was being cute and flirtatious. In reality, he was being gross, sexist and drunk.

Brittany Cooper: maybe not mature lol

Danielle Peazer: fine, but he's definitely hotter! But really brittany... if you do bang him, tell me everything. Let me live vicariously through you.

Rolling her eyes a little, she looked back up at Nick. Of course Danielle thought Nick was hot. She wasn't aware of any girl her friend's age who didn't, honestly. But, having worked with Nick for the past year, she didn't really understand his power over women.

And looking at him acting like a drunk moron on stage wasn't exactly helping to find him attractive either. Though she had to admit, he did look good without a shirt on.

Brittany Cooper: lol sure. Not like it's going to happen... and besides, what would liam say if he knew you were lusting over nick carter?

Danielle Peazer: he's probably lusting over mini-nick right now in the other room so i don't care! lol

She burst out laughing at that, causing the other girls to look over at her. She glanced at them and just grinned sheepishly. She wouldn't have been able to explain her conversation with Danielle to them if she tried. But before she was able to respond, another message from Danielle came through.

Danielle Peazer: ah... our favourite couple is back in my room. Guess it was just a quickie haha. Going downstairs for food now... ttyl britt britt. Call me when the cruise is over xx

Brittany Cooper: later dani... try not to be the third wheel lol ;)

Brittany turned her roaming off and slipped her phone back into her bag. She watched Nick and the others perform a song from their latest album and smiled to herself. It wasn't the same as spending time in Europe with Danielle laughing about how their boyfriends were probably gay, but it was definitely entertaining.

After the beach party was over, the group went back onto the ship to enjoy an early dinner before the fans were let back on.

The boat was docked of course, and would be for the rest of the night. Brittany smiled a little as she and Nick ate (and sipped on more of those fin drinks Nick was fond of) and glanced over at him. He always seemed to have a look on his face that she couldn't quite read. It was unlike how he'd been whenever they'd been in the studio. There, he was always serious and focused. Here on the ship, he looked distant and lost. Brittany wasn't quite sure what the reason for it was, but she had her suspicions.

Kevin, Kristin, Howie and Leigh were sitting at a table together. Brian and Leighanne had opted to go back to their room, and AJ and Rochelle were sitting on their own a little further off. Nick had pulled Brittany to a table of their own, not bothered to sit with the others.

She rested her chin in her left hand as she sipped her drink once she was finished eating. The boat was nice, and she was somewhat disappointed she hadn't yet got a chance to explore it. She supposed she could go off while Nick was doing his own thing, but she didn't really want to risk having to interact with any crazy Backstreet Boys fans. She'd dealt with enough of that in her life already.

“What's that?” Nick asked, pulling her out of her thoughts as he noticed the bracelet on her wrist. More accurately, the flat piece on that held some sort of inscription he couldn't read from where he was sitting.

“What?” Brittany asked, looking at him.

“On your wrist, what does it say?”

“Oh.” Brittany looked down at the bracelet. She'd nearly forgotten about it – she'd been wearing it for the past year and a half. She supposed there was no point in that anymore. So, using her other hand, she unclasped it and handed it to Nick.

Nick looked down at it and read the engraved words. “Is there anybody going to listen to my story, all about the girl who came to stay,” he sang, smiling a little to himself. “She's the kind of girl you want so much it makes you sorry, still you don't regret a single day,” he finished the lyric, and handed Brittany's bracelet back to her. “I like that song,” he said.

Brittany stuffed the bracelet in the pocket of her shorts instead of putting it back on. “I don't,” she said, rolling her eyes a little and looking back out at the ocean.

“You must have liked it at one point,” he reasoned.

But Brittany didn't even look at him. “Not anymore,” she muttered.

Nick sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He figured he was going to have to talk to her eventually about what exactly had happened in Europe. Now seemed as good a time as any, especially since he'd already brought it up without meaning to. “Why not? Your boyfriend give you that or something?” he asked, knowing full well what the answer was.

Brittany looked back at Nick. “Ex-boyfriend,” she corrected him.

“Right, sorry,” Nick said, giving her a cheeky grin. “So... what happened?”

Brittany looked down at the table. She wasn't sure if Nick was asking her just to be nice or if he really wanted to know. She wasn't even sure she wanted to tell him. “We were just growing apart, I guess. Our lives were going in two separate directions.”

Nick nearly choked on his drink as he started laughing. At first Brittany didn't understand why, but then she rolled her eyes at his reaction to her unintentional pun. “You're a moron,” she said.

“Sorry,” Nick said, wiping his mouth with his hand. “I couldn't help it.” He looked at her again. She still looked sad and in thought. He really was going to have to talk with her about this. He mentally cursed himself for bringing it up – but he supposed there was no backing out now. “You know, you don't have to tell me the story you're going to tell the media. You can tell me the truth.”

“He slept with someone else,” she said bluntly, blurting it out because she knew if she didn't, she wouldn't. And she really did want to talk about it with someone. Someone who wasn't a part of their group at all.

Nick raised his eyebrow. “That's it?” he asked.

Brittany glared at him. “What do you mean, 'That's it?' That's a pretty big thing.”

“Sorry,” Nick said, still giving her a bit of a look. “It's just that... I cheated on my girlfriends all the time.”

“Yeah?” Brittany asked, getting annoyed with his attitude. “And how'd that work out for you?”

Nick shrugged. “Hey, you can't tie this guy down. They knew what they were getting into,” he laughed.

Brittany rolled her eyes. Evidently, all men were pigs. “Yeah, well, I didn't,” she sighed. “He wasn't like that. At least, I thought he wasn't like that.”

Nick squinted his eyes a little. “What happened, then? How'd you find out?”

Brittany sighed and proceeded to tell Nick the whole story. How she'd flown to Europe, how they'd gotten into an argument, how he had left, stayed out the whole night and how he'd admitted what he'd done once he'd come back. When she was done, she shrugged her shoulders. “I guess I just wasn't enough for him,” she concluded.

“No,” Nick said seriously. “He wasn't enough for you.”

“What?” she asked, unsure what he was getting at. That didn't make any sense to her.

“Think about it,” Nick said, sitting up in his chair and leaning towards her slightly. “He didn't just randomly cheat on you, he cheated on you because you guys had a fight.”

“Yeah,” Brittany said, shaking her head. “I know.”

“Right,” Nick continued. “But what did you guys fight about? He wanted you to move with him to the other side of the world and you didn't want to. Because you have a career and a life of your own. And that's what you wanted. You wanted it more than you wanted him. You went to Europe wanting to break up with him, he just gave you an excuse to do it.”

Brittany gaped at Nick. Was he being serious? His analysis of her was almost baffling. “You're crazy, I didn't go there wanting to break up with him,” she said harshly. “I loved him, I still love him.”

Nick shrugged. “I didn't say you didn't love him. That's probably what made it so hard. You loved him, but you wanted to do all this other stuff, and the two didn't go together. You weren't ready for all that stuff and that serious relationship. That's why as soon as he told you he slept with that chick, you ended it. You didn't even try to work on it, you just said it was over.”

“Because I have respect for myself,” Brittany said though gritted teeth.

“Maybe, or maybe it's because you've always known in the back of your mind that he was holding you back.”

The more Brittany thought about it, the more she realized that Nick wasn't wrong at all. Being with Niall had held her back in a lot of ways. It had been hard for her to establish her own career right from the beginning, because she's always been attached to him. She was constantly flying to the other side of the world to see him, and spent more time talking on the phone to him than getting to know the people who lived around her in LA.

“I guess you're sort of right,” she admitted finally.

“You're better than him,” Nick said seriously.

Brittany smiled. For the first time in days, she was feeling a little better about everything that had happened. “Thanks, Nick.”

“Anytime, babe,” he winked at her, and then laughed. “You ready for a red carpet event?”

Brittany shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”

Nick stood up and took her hand. “I'm not. But we don't really have a choice, so let's go get ready before they let the fans back on the boat and they bombard us.”

The two of them walked back to their room and Brittany glanced down at their interlocked hands.

It didn't mean anything, right? Nick was just leading her to the room, wasn't he? She didn't quite know what to think.

And yet, she didn't pull away.

***

Brittany smoothed out her dress as she stood on the Lido Deck with the other girls. This time, the boys were on a stage in the centre of the deck rather than atop the overhang. It was easily more accessible for the fans, which wasn't necessarily the best. Especially in the case of a group of overly loud (and probably drunk) girls sitting on a ledge than hung above the stage.

Still, she did her best to ignore them as she watched Nick and the others goof around. She hung back, unable to hear much of what they were saying, but she didn't mind really. The sight of the boys, the fans, and the general atmosphere was enough to keep her mildly entertained.

Red Carpet night, indeed. They had a whole area blocked off where people could take pictures as though they were being photographed at the Oscar pre-show, and meanwhile the boys stood atop the stage, dancing around, and acting generally, well...

Drunk, to put it mildly.

“Beer pong,” Nick said, slinging his arm around Kevin's shoulder. “Let's play beer pong.”

“Nick, it's a Red Carpet. There's no beer pong on the Red Carpet,” Kevin said, rolling his eyes.

“Come on, dude,” Nick whined. “What is there on the Red Carpet, then?” he mused, putting his finger to his chin and appearing to think really hard.

“Why don't you go take a picture with your girlfriend?” Brian laughed. “Because she looks bored.”

“She's not my girlfriend,” Nick stated, glaring at Brian. He hadn't brought her on the ship to try and sleep with her – he'd brought her so that he'd have someone to hang around with and not look so pathetic around all the other couples.

Of course, that plan was completely backfiring. As plans of his usually tended to.

“Then what's she doing here?” Brian challenged. “Why even bring her?”

Nick shrugged. “She broke up with her boyfriend. I thought she could use some fun,” he laughed, pointing at himself and not quite realizing what he'd implied.

Brian lowered his eyes at Nick. “You'll never change,” he muttered.

“Fuck off,” Nick said, rolling his eyes. “Not all of us can have a perfect life like you.” He pushed past Brian and walked straight over to Brittany. This was exactly why he'd brought her – so he could have someone to escape to when the other boys got to be too much for him.

“Hey,” he said putting his hands on Brittany's shoulders and sliding them downwards. He was going over the line, and somewhere, he knew it. But in his drunken state, he didn't really care. It hardly occurred to him that he was only proving Brian's point. “What're you doing?”

“Standing,” Brittany said awkwardly, looking at Nick's hands and watching them cautiously. “What're you doing?”

“Drinking,” Nick said mischievously.

“Yeah, I see that,” Brittany laughed, lightly pushing Nick's hands off of her. She hadn't slept with him the night before, but with the way he was acting she was starting to get nervous that he might try something if she got drunk too. His personality changed so much when he was drunk compared to when he was sober. She wasn't sure she liked it.

“You want a drink too?” he asked, already taking her hand and leading her down to the mini-bar.

“No,” she shook her head, wiggling her hand away from his. “I'm okay.”

Nick pouted. “Come on, it's no fun if I'm the only one who's drunk.”

Brittany sighed. She'd already drank so much in the past day, and with the state Nick was in, she didn't think getting herself intoxicated was the best idea.

“Ugh, look,” Nick rolling his eyes in disgust. “Brian and Leighanne are already leaving.”

“So?” Brittany asked, giving him a look. “Who cares? Let them leave.”

“He's so lame. Must be nice to have a perfect relationship,” Nick muttered. “Come on, let's do shots.”

“No,” she said firmly, but she didn't forget the first part of Nick's sentence, nor the disdain he seemed to have for Brian and Leighanne. Was it possible Nick was jealous of their relationships? Maybe he was more upset over his breakup with Lauren than he'd let on.

Nick pouted again. “Don't you want to party with me?” he asked, giving her puppy-dog eyes.

Brittany looked at Nick sadly. Just as she had the night before, she figured he was probably going through something. Drinking himself into a stupor was his way of dealing with whatever it was. She wasn't about to let him do that to himself – he'd been there for her earlier that day, and now it was her turn.

But first, she had to get him away from the party atmosphere.

“I do want to party with you,” she whispered into his ear. “But I think we should go back to the room.”

Nick's eyes widened as he looked down at her. She gave him a smirk and bit her lip.

Of course, Nick fell for it right away. He gripped her hand and pulled her in close to him. “I knew you'd come on to me eventually, baby,” he winked, his hot breath on her neck. “No one can resist the Carter charm.”

It took everything Brittany had not to burst out laughing at his ridiculous comment. “Yeah, definitely,” she said, pulling him off the stage. “Let's go.”

She led Nick all the way back to their room, his arm draped tightly around her. Her heart pounded in her chest as she fiddled with room key, knowing she was going to have to act quickly move to stop him from kissing her as soon as the door closed.

Nick stepped inside the room first, and Brittany followed right after him, shutting the door with her foot and leaning against it. Nick pressed himself against her, and just as he was about to kiss her, she reached up and covered his mouth with her hand.

“Come on Nick, really?” she asked, giving him a look.

“But you said,” Nick whined, but it was muffled, given that her palm was still over his face.

“I know what I said, I needed to get you back to the room,” she replied seriously, giving him a look. “Tell me what happened with you and Lauren. Why am I really here?”

Nick sighed, but he backed away from Brittany and sat down on his bed. It was like Lauren's name deflated him, and he sobered up quickly. “I dunno,” he shrugged, looking at the ground.

Brittany sat down beside him on the bed. “I told you what happened to me,” she said softly.

Again, Nick sighed. He shifted his gaze from the floor of the room, to Brittany's concerned face. “Promise you won't think less of me?”

“I promise.”

“She just... hated the Backstreet thing.”

Brittany furrowed her eyebrows. “What, like she hated your music?”

Nick shook his head. “No, well, yeah,” he backtracked, still a little drunk and unable to be completely articulate. “She just hated all of it. She hated the girls that were always throwing themselves at me...” he trailed off, looking at the floor again.

Brittany raised her eyebrow, knowing that wasn't the whole reason. Nick had even told her as such when they'd eaten together earlier. “And?” she pressed.

“She hated how I always gave into them and cheated on her all the time,” he muttered. “But you don't understand,” he said suddenly, glancing back up at her, his eyes wide. “She knew what she was getting into. I can't be tied down. That's not how it works. And she said she was okay with it. She said she was okay...” he breathed, shaking his head and looking down.

Despite the fact that she didn't agree with him or his relationship practices, she did feel sorry for him. He looked a wreck. “Sorry, Nick,” she said sincerely.

“There's more,” Nick continued, still looking at the ground. “She left me because she was sure I had a thing for you.”

“Do you?” Brittany asked him directly, feeling somewhat nervous about the answer.

“No,” Nick said quickly. “I think she just thought that because of all the time I spent with you in the studio, and how I was so set on having you on my label. She was already mad about a lot of other stuff too. And she liked doing her fitness thing, she didn't have time to follow me all over the world on tour,” he quoted Lauren, mimicking her voice bitterly as he did so.

The irony of the situation wasn't lost on Brittany, but she decided not to comment on it. “Sorry,” she said again. “That sucks.”

Nick just nodded. “Yeah. Whatever. I guess I just get annoyed when I see the other guys with their stupid wives. I never wanted to be married or whatever... but it still sucks.”

Brittany gave him a small smile. “So is that the real reason you brought me here?”

Nick shrugged. “That was part of it, I guess. But you really did look sad in the studio.”

“I really was,” she nodded.

“Are you still?” he asked, his eyes hazy, but less drunk than before.

“Yeah,” she admitted. She felt a little better, but she wasn't going to get over it right away.

“Even though you're the one who left him?”

“It wasn't completely about him,” Brittany sighed. “It was about me. We already talked about this. I couldn't have it both ways.”

“Do you still love him?” he asked her softly.

It was then that Brittany realized perhaps Nick wasn't asking questions about her failed relationship. “Of course I do,” she whispered. “You don't just stop.”

Nick wrapped his arms around her so quickly that Brittany barely had a moment to register what was happening. He hugged her tightly. “Thank you,” he said.

“Anytime,” she replied, pulling away from him and smiling. “Now let's get some sleep... in separate beds tonight,” she added with a laugh.

Nick grinned, and for the first time that weekend, it looked genuine. “Sounds good.”

Nick was up early the next morning to go to a meet and greet. He shut his phone alarm off quickly, in an effort to not wake Brittany.

It worked. When he glanced over at her, he noticed she was still asleep. She clutched the blankets in her hand and stirred a little, but she didn't wake up. He ran a hand through his hair and decided that he really needed a shower. Even his feet felt dirty, on account of being on the beach for the majority of the day before.

Nick pulled his shirt off and headed over to the small bathroom when he noticed Brittany roll over in her sleep.

“Mmph, Nialler,” she muttered, her face nearly in the pillow. “Sorry...”

Nick sighed. Now that he'd slept and sobered up, he almost couldn't believe he'd spilled his guts to her the night before. He normally wasn't the type of person to do something like that - he liked to keep all of his feelings bottled up inside.

And evidently, so did Brittany, as she was very clearly dreaming about her ex-boyfriend. Despite their conversation the day before, and even though she seemed to understand the fact that he'd been holding her back, she didn't seem to be over him. Not in the least.

Nick didn't mean to stand there and watch her sleep, but he was torn between feeling bad for her and being angry with her. Here she was, supposedly strong, leaving him in Europe because he'd cheated on her and because she wanted to finally break free and have a career of her own and yet...

She was dreaming about him and judging by the torn up look on her face, missing him.

He wondered for a brief moment if, when the cruise was over, she was just going to go back to him. He quickly dismissed that thought, thinking it was ridiculous. She was just dreaming, and they'd just broken up. Of course she was going to be subconsciously thinking about him.

But, as Nick began to walk away, something caught his eye.

He looked back and when he looked closer, he noticed that along with the blanket, Brittany was clutching the bracelet in her hands.

And that, Nick knew, had to have been a conscious decision. She had to have been thinking about him, she had to have picked it up and she had to have gone to sleep while holding on to it.

Whether she had a boyfriend or not, Nick couldn't really care less. But this particular boyfriend - one who very clearly was not on the same wavelength as she was, who wanted to her move across the world, and then threw a hissy fit when he didn't get his way annoyed him.

Perhaps because he'd worked with her for a year and already felt protective over her. Or maybe it was because he'd been that boyfriend before, and he knew that the cycle had to be broken or it would just keep repeating itself. For Brittany's sake, nothing good was coming of their relationship. Not now.

He had to admit, he felt sorry for her. Aside from the fact that she'd always been under One Direction's shadow in her own career, she really had seemed to love him. To know that she couldn't continue to grow in her own career and life unless she did so without him couldn't have been easy for her.

Nick sighed. He didn't have time to worry about her now. He made his way into the bathroom for a quick shower and tried not to think about everything that was bothering him. Surprisingly, it was a little easier than it had been before.

Maybe talking to Brittany about it had actually helped.

He got dressed as Brittany continued to sleep, still mumbling to herself. Nick ignored her, but made a mental note to talk to her afterwards.

There was a knocking at his door. And when Nick opened it, he was grateful to see Howie standing there.

“Hey Nicky,” Howie said. “Ready to go take some photos?”

“Yeah,” Nick said, grabbing his room key off the table. “Shhh,” he said quietly, pointing inside the room. “She's still asleep.” He stuffed his key into his pocket and shut the door behind him.

“What, you wear her out last night?” Howie laughed as they walked down the hallway.

Nick rolled his eyes. “Yeah right.”

“Oh come on,” Howie said, giving Nick a knowing look. “We all saw you leave the party.”

Nick ran a hand through his hair. He'd nearly forgotten about that. Stupid Brittany and her stupid plan to get him to stop drinking and back to the room. Although he had to admit, it had worked quite nicely. “Yeah, she was just trying to get me back to the room. We didn't do anything. We're not going to do anything.”

Howie raised his eyebrow. “O...kay? Then what's with her? Why'd you bring her?”

Nick looked as the ground as he continued walking. “I just...wanted to bring someone,” he admitted sheepishly. If he was going to tell any of the guys, Howie was his best bet. AJ wouldn't understand, and would probably tell Rochelle, who would run off and tell Lauren. Brian would just roll his eyes. Kevin would probably tell him some story of something that had happened in his past that he felt related to this for whatever reason. Howie was the only one at times who seemed to truly understand and not judge him.

Howie nodded. “Because Lauren usually comes with you?”

“Yeah... and I didn't want to be alone with all you guys and your wives. I wasn't even thinking about it, I just saw her in the studio before I left, and she looked so sad, and I thought, why not? You know?”

Howie frowned. “What, because of that twitter stuff from yesterday?”

Nick shrugged. “Yeah, sorta. Her and her little boyfriend broke up.”

“That's rough,” Howie sympathized. “Is she not dealing with it well?”

Nick shrugged. “She's fine. She broke up with him... but I think she still misses him.”

“I'm sure she does. Breakups are never easy, especially in the public eye.”

“Tell me about it,” Nick muttered. He'd been through one too many public breakups in his time. “But it's weird... we talked about it, and she seemed like she was over it, but now she sort of seems like she's not.”

Howie looked shocked. “You talked about her breakup with her?” he asked finally, somewhat in disbelief. “That doesn't sound like you.”

Nick shrugged. He hadn't had much of a choice. Bringing Brittany on the cruise, he knew he'd have to talk to her eventually, if not to just be a decent human being. But, as it turned out he'd enjoyed talking to her about her problems and helping her. “Yeah, I did. And...we talked about Lauren too,” he mumbled, somewhat embarrassed to be admitting it.

Howie smiled at Nick as the two of them reached the elevator.

“I'm glad you've found someone you can talk to,” he said as he pressed the button.

Nick grinned, glad that Howie understood. “Thanks, dude.”

***

When Brittany woke up, Nick was gone.

That was just as well, she figured. She wasn't sure what she'd dreamt about, but she'd come back to consciousness feeling gloomy and sad. The empty room certainly wasn't helping that, but she figured it was better than nothing.

After her conversation with Nick the night before, he'd fallen asleep right away, but she'd laid awake, thinking. She'd even gone so far as to dig her bracelet out of the pocket of her discarded jean shorts and gently look at it as guilt overwhelmed her.

Though she'd spoken to Danielle and knew full well how Niall was coping with their breakup, seeing Nick nearly break down in front of her gave her a new perspective entirely. It was hard for her to not draw parallels between the two of them. However different they were, the situation was nearly the same. And when she'd seen the lost look on Nick's face, she couldn't help but feel angry with Lauren for leaving him. He'd clearly loved her a lot.

She sighed to herself and went to go sit on the balcony, still lightly holding the bracelet in her hand.

She played with it in her palm. There were a few minor scratches on it, but all things considered, it was still in pretty good condition. The diamonds glistened in the sunlight as she thumbed the inscription.

There was a pain in her chest as she read the words. She could still clearly remember when Niall had sung those words to her, kissed her and then took off, leaving her sitting in the hotel room missing him, even though she knew she shouldn't have been.

Sort of like she was doing right at that moment.

She gripped it a little tighter, unsure of what she was supposed to be feeling. She was angry with him for being so rash – both in the case of assuming she'd move to London and sleeping with someone else when she'd turned him down.

She was proud of herself for leaving him... and yet, she was sad because it was over. Even though she was sure it didn't have to be over. If she were to call him and try to mend things, she was fairly certain he'd take her back. He'd done it once before.

Especially since this time, it was effectively all his fault. At least, she knew he probably thought so, even if that wasn't entirely true.

She felt sick to her stomach, and it had nothing to do with the boat she was on.

Brittany wasn't sure how long she'd been sitting out there, lost in her memories and thoughts. But eventually, the door to the room opened and Nick was back from wherever he'd been.

“Hey,” he said, stepping out onto the balcony. “What're you doing?”

She shrugged. “Sitting,” she said, as though it was obvious. “Where were you?”

“Meet and Greet,” he explained, pulling up a chair and sliding it close to her. “It was boring,” he said, glancing down and still noticing she was holding the bracelet in her hands. He sighed a little, but strangely, he didn't dread talking to her about it. Now that he already had once, it seemed easier. “What's that?”

She looked down at her hands. “You know what it is,” she said.

“Yeah,” he said, looking back up at her. “So why are you sitting out here with it?”

She shrugged, not really knowing what to say to him. “I don't know. I just felt like it.”

“You're not going to get over it if you keep clinging to the past, you know,” he advised, and the pointed to the bracelet in her hands. “If you keep clinging to that.”

“I don't know if I want to get over it,” she whispered. “I thought I did, but now I just...”

“Hey,” Nick said, looking at her. “It sucks. I know that, and you know I know that. But remember what we talked about yesterday? You have to move on.”

“Easy for you to say,” Brittany rolled her eyes, perhaps harsher than she'd intended. “You don't know what I'm going to have to deal with when word about this gets out.”

Nick gaped at her. “Oh believe me, I do. My breakup with Lauren might not have made any headlines, but you better believe that I've had other ones that did. And they were a lot worse than this. If that's the only reason -”

“It's not the only reason,” she cut him off. “It's not. I was with him for two years, okay? I just need some time,” she said quietly.

Nick nodded, slightly taken aback by her sudden outburst. “I get it,” he said, his tone softening. “But you're not doing yourself any favours right now.”

He held out his wrist for Brittany to see. Old Habits Die Hard. It was inked on his wrist forever, as a reminder of what he'd gone through. Of what he had to get over. Of what he had to cover up.

Paris.

Not that Brittany seemed to be aware of that.

“Look,” he said. “I've been there.”

Brittany silently contemplated what Nick was trying to tell her. She didn't know what he'd been through in the past, but it obviously had been bad enough for him to permanently have a reminder inked on his body. “What am I supposed to do?” she asked quietly.

“Get rid of that,” he said, pointing to the bracelet in her hands.

She rolled her eyes. “I'm not getting rid of it. What do you want me to do? Throw it in the ocean?” she asked incredulously.

Nick shrugged. “Sure.”

She looked down at it, and instantly remembered the first time Niall had handed it to her, standing backstage at Madison Square Garden. “I don't think I can.”

“Then give it to me,” he said. “I'll do it.”

She looked at Nick, and looked back down at the gold chain in her hands. She knew he was right. She had to get over it, she couldn't keep clinging to the past. It wasn't going to help her any to keep thinking about him. She'd broken up with him, and she knew deep down it was the right choice, no matter how hard it was to see so soon after the fact.

She stood up, tossing the bracelet to Nick. “I'm going to go take a shower,” she said, not wanting to discuss this any further.

She turned away and went back into the room, not wanting to watch as Nick threw her most prized possession into the ocean.

The final deck party of the cruise was easily the most wild.

First of all, it was the dreaded carnival theme, which Brittany still hadn’t known how to dress for. She'd opted for the most casual of clothes – a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and sandals. But really, it was the ambiance that made it.

The boys were busy passing out cotton candy, playing silly carnival games and of course, drinking.

Brittany was just thankful there was no roller coaster on the boat. Though, she was surprised she and Nick hadn't made it up to the water slide given his love for them. She smiled to herself, thinking that they'd just have to save that for the next cruise.

And just as soon as she thought of that, she frowned a little. Despite the personal drama she'd been having, she'd actually had a decent amount of fun on the cruise. More fun than she likely would have had just moping around in LA, anyway.

She looked over at Nick again, who seemed to be deep in conversation with Howie about something or other. She noticed how close of a talker he was – not that she hadn't noticed it the entire cruise, but she was thankful that his touchy-feelyness wasn't exclusive to her when he was drunk.

“Brittany!” Kevin said, coming over to her, wearing a grin on his face. “What are you doing all the way over here?”

She shrugged. “Just taking it all in.”

He still wore that same mischievous grin. “Well come on, it's the last night of the cruise. Drink up! What's your shot?”

“Um...” she said, unsure of how to respond. This was the first time one of the other members of the group had really paid her any attention, and she was quite sure it was just because he was drunk. At least he was being friendly about it.

Nick's head shot up from his conversation with Howie and he glanced over at Brittany and Kevin. “Get her an Irish Car Bomb,” he laughed loudly.

Brittany rolled her eyes and Nick's idiotic suggestion. Kevin gave her a look. “What?”

“Nothing,” she said, trying to maintain her amused look but still cracking a smile.

Nick walked over to them, a stupid grin on his face. “Come on, Britt, we'll do them together,” he laughed, draping his arm around her, as he had just been doing with Howie. “It's like...a toast,” he said, walking over to the bar.

Kevin raised his eyebrow and Brittany looked up at him, laughing awkwardly. It was probably a good thing Nick was getting her a drink, because she was beginning to think she could use it.

“Here,” Nick said, handing one of the glasses to her, and clinking his own against it. “To getting over it.”

She looked at the drink in her hands. Though Nick was undoubtedly drunk, his heart was in the right place.

Well, except for the car bomb part.

“To getting over it,” she grinned, as they drank to their mutual theme for the weekend.


***

The boat docked early the next morning, and the fans were let off of it before the boys were. Brittany looked out the window of the room. There was Miami, right in front of her. It was hard for her to believe that the cruise was over.

Nick was already up, stuffing all of his things that had been scattered around the room into his suitcase. “Morning,” he said, when he noticed Brittany was finally awake.

“Morning,” she said, sitting up and rubbing her eyes. “Time to go?”

“Just about,” Nick replied, pressing down on his suitcase in an effort to zip it up. “I can never get these damn things re-packed,” he muttered.

“Here,” Brittany said, getting out of bed and going over to help him. She opened up his suitcase and rolled her eyes at what she saw. “Well that's why. You just threw everything in here without folding it.”

Nick shrugged. “That's how I packed it at home too.”

Brittany just shook her head. “I'm going to have a shower before we have to get off the boat. I promise you that if you fold it, it'll fit,” she nodded at him, grabbing some of her own clothes and walking into the bathroom.

Sure enough, when she was done with her shower and dressed, Nick's suitcase was neatly zipped up.

“The folding worked, I take it?”

“Yeah.”

She laughed. “I told you so.”

There was a knock at the door and Nick went to open it. “Hey,” he said, when he saw that it was Kevin.

“Hey, ready to go? They're ready for us to deboard.”

Nick glanced back at Brittany. “Ready to go back to the real world?” he asked with a smirk.

It was an innocent enough question, but Brittany hadn't quite thought of it like that. The real world meant responsibilities and having to actually deal with what had happened. And yet... it also meant no more having to plan out trips to Europe, she was now free to do what she wanted with her free time and focus on her career.

Now, the phrase 'the real world' meant whatever she wanted it to. And it was refreshing.

“Yes,” she said with a grin, grabbing the handle of her suitcase. “Let's go.”

They joined up with the rest of the group to leave the boat and Brittany slipped her hand in her pocket and turned on her phone. Two text messages came through.

Danielle Peazer: niall saw pictures of you and nick on the cruise and he's pissed off. I tried to talk him down but if you get texts from him...sorry.

Niall Horan: looks like u already moved on... i thought id give u a chance to explain but if u dont answer this right away im gonna say on twitter that we broke up because your makin me look stupid

Brittany rolled her eyes, but she didn't answer his text message. As far as she was concerned, he could do what he wanted. He was clearly aware she was on the boat and had no way of texting him back or even receiving that.

“What's happening on twitter?” Nick asked her as they walked over the bridge from the boat back into the building.

“I don't know,” she replied honestly, putting her phone back in her pocket. She couldn't be bothered to check twitter. Not when she knew it was just going to be questions about her relationship spurred on by whatever passive-aggressive message her ex-boyfriend had posted. “Didn't check it.”

Nick nodded, looking out at the Miami skyline. It had been an interesting weekend – not uneventful, that was for sure. But it had been better than he'd expected. He looked back down at Brittany, glad he had brought her with him. She'd made him feel better about Lauren, and not just because she'd been there to distract him as he'd originally planned.

It seemed the cruise had done something to strengthen their bond. Or maybe even created one that hadn't been there before.

“Come on,” he said, draping his arm around her. “Let's go back to LA and write some songs about him for your album that you'll tell everyone you wrote a year ago.”

She laughed, looking forward to getting back in the studio and starting her new life. “Sounds good.”

Part II – Maybe This Christmas
December 2014

“I hate my life,” Nick muttered to himself, putting his head in his hands as he sat at the desk in the LA studio he and Brittany had been working in. “I hate my life, I hate my life...”

Brittany hardly noticed his distraught state as she swung open the door to the studio. “Hey,” she said, setting down a plastic bag. “I got us frozen yogurt. I know we're not supposed to have any dairy, but I figured it was okay since we're not really doing much anyway. Sorry they didn't have chocolate though, so I got you-” she stopped mid-sentence, looking at him.

He had since moved from his near-fetal position, and was now sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, glowering at her.

“Uh, what's wrong?” she asked, plopping herself down on one of the stools and opening up her container of frozen yogurt.

“Brittany,” he said through gritted teeth. “What's Sugarscape?”

Brittany widened her eyes, taken aback by his question. “You were on my iPad!” she accused.

“Yeah,” he said, still very obviously annoyed and upset. “Because I wanted to double check my flight times and didn't want to turn on my computer. But that doesn't matter because I was met with the lovely surprise of The Best of Brick!”

Brittany bit her lip to keep from laughing at how enraged he was. “Relax Nick, it's just a gossip website. They post snarky stuff. It's all just a joke.”

But he didn't think it was funny at all. “I don't understand... what's Brick? And why is this an article about you and I and every single picture of us, including some that I think are photoshopped, because I'm pretty sure that I didn't know you when I was twenty-one, and that you were like, ten.”

“Eight, actually,” Brittany corrected him, and Nick just glared at her. “And uh... Brick's our ship name.”

“Come again?”

“Our ship name,” she repeated, as if that would help.

“I'm not following you.”

Brittany rolled her eyes. “It's not a big deal, Nick, it's just the label fans use for us when they talk about us...together...in a relationship...”

Nick's eyes grew wide and he took a deep breath. “What?” he asked. “And why, why do they think we're dating? I understand that there was some speculation after the cruise, but why now?”

Brittany rolled her eyes. Speculation was putting it mildly. Rumours had been flying all over the internet about the two of them before they'd even stepped off the boat.

“Yeah...” Brittany trailed off, averting his gaze. “Maybe it's because some people said they were pretty sure we were dating? I don't know.”

Nick continued to glare at her, waiting for her to finish. That was the problem with Brittany – she never told the whole story, and it always had to be forced out of her.

“I don't know,” Brittany shrugged, acting as though she was completely oblivious, when in reality, she really wasn't. “Maybe someone did a twitcam talking about One Direction's next album-”

“What's a twitcam?”

Brittany furrowed her eyebrows. “Really, Nick?”

“No, I just thought I'd interrupt this fascinating story to ask you a question I already knew the answer to for no reason,” he said, rolling his eyes and giving her a look. “What's a twitcam?” he repeated.

She sighed. “It's like a live streaming webcam chat thing. Over twitter. Anyway, maybe someone did a twitcam, and maybe someone asked him if he still ever thought about me...”

Nick felt his blood pressure rise with every word. “Who? Why? Who would ask him that, and why do you know about it?”

“Uh...” Brittany said, looking down at the ground. “Well, you know, I just happened to be on twitter at the same time as he was, and he said he was doing a twitcam...so I watched it, and I was curious, so I asked...” she muttered, knowing Nick was going to lose his mind.

“You?!” he asked incredulously. “It was you? Why? Brittany!” he groaned, throwing his hands over his face.

She shrugged. “Don't worry, he didn't know it was me. I just wanted to know. And evidently, the only comment he had was that you and I were 'Probably shackin' up,'” she imitated him with a slight laugh.

Nick slid his hands down back into his lap as he looked at Brittany with annoyance. “Okay. One, that was a terrible imitation, given that you dated him for two years. Two, you need to fix it.”

“What?” Brittany asked him, giving him a look. “There's no way I can fix it! I can't help what he thinks. I guess that he doesn't know me as well as I thought he did, because-”

“Brittany,” Nick cut her off, not caring to hear her ramble on. “Fix it.”

“The Sugarscape article isn't that bad, Nick,” she said, rolling her eyes. “They've written so many worse things about me before.”

“Really?” Nick said in annoyance. “You don't think that Horan vs. Carter – Which Blonde Boybander Should Brittany Choose? isn't that bad?!”

Brittany had to stifle a giggle at how annoyed Nick was getting over all of this. He wasn't usually one to care what the fans or media thought of him. “Well if I had to choose, I'd probably choose Carter,” she smirked slightly, leaning over to him.

But Nick pulled away from her and hopped off of his chair. “Really?! Would you, Brittany? Because it's not my twitcams that you're watching!”

“Well up until five minutes ago you didn't know what a twitcam was,” Brittany pointed out, keeping her cool while Nick flipped out.

“That's not the point,” Nick said still pacing around the studio. “The point is that I can't have people saying this shit about me. We're about to go on our Farewell Tour next month. Farewell Tour, Brittany. I don't need a bunch of stupid little One Direction fans hating me and fucking that up. It's not just your career or his career you're screwing with, it's mine. And I've had this career before either of you were born, so you go fix it.”

“Well what do you expect me to do, Nick?!” Brittany asked him, getting exasperated.

“I don't know!” Nick blew up. “Call him, get him to do a twitcam and say he's really happy being single and that you guys grew apart. I don't give a shit. You fix it and sort it out because I swear to fuck Brittany, the last thing I need is for the world to be One Direction versus Backstreet Boys. We won't win. You do something about it, because otherwise I'm going to fly to London myself and punch him.”

Brittany rolled her eyes, but she knew Nick was right. “Ugh, fine,” she said, grabbing her iPad and frozen yogurt and moving to leave the studio. “But just so you know, doing that probably wouldn't solve your tabloid problem.”

***

Brittany traced the pattern on her bed as she sat in her condo later that evening. She had no clue how she was going to even begin to fix this. She wasn't even sure exactly what needed fixing or why Nick was so upset in the first place.

She knew she shouldn't have watched the twitcam. But she hadn't been able to resit. She had never unfollowed Niall on twitter, and when she'd seen he was going to be doing a twitcam, curiosity got the better of her, and she'd decided to watch it.

She told herself that it had nothing to do with the fact that Christmas was in three days and that she was going to have to spend it alone now that she was without him.

She scrolled through the Sugarscape articles Nick evidently had such a problem with. None of them were particularly mean, they were just very tongue-in-cheek. She sighed, thinking that was maybe what Nick didn't get. He always liked to pride himself in staying away from such negativity, but there was nothing wrong with having a little fun.

Besides, she really didn't think that these articles were going to actually impact his extremely important Backstreet Boys Farewell Tour. No one who would be interested in going to that was going to suddenly decide to hate him on account of a couple jokes on a gossip site, right?

Brittany actually had no idea. Sometimes, the things Nick said completely eluded her, and this was the worst of one of those times.

Twitter, tumblr and gossip sites had been all over the two of them a few months earlier, right after she'd gone on the cruise. There had been speculation about them before they'd even gotten off the boat. All because Niall had replied to a couple of fans on twitter confirming that yes, their relationship had ended.

She rolled her eyes just thinking about it, but she couldn't be too upset. After all, she supposed it was fitting payback for when she'd told fans their relationship had started without consulting him.

She shook her head and picked up her phone. Calling Niall himself wouldn't do her any good. She didn't really want to talk to him – she didn't even know what she would say. So instead, she called Danielle, who would at least listen to her gripes if nothing else.

“Well hello,” came her friend's familiar laugh from the other end.

“Yeah, hi,” Brittany said with a sigh, glancing down at her iPad once again. “Seen Sugarscape?”

Danielle just laughed. “Of course I have. How is the other half of Brick, anyway?”

“Really pissed off,” Brittany admitted. “He doesn't think the articles are funny at all, and he wants me to fix it.”

Danielle was silent for a minute. “Well, maybe if you hadn't prodded Niall to talk about you...”

“I didn't,” she lied.

“Okay Britt,” Danielle said sarcastically. “Don't forget that he knows what your fake twitter account is.”

“No he doesn't,” Brittany protested, though she wasn't even sure why.

“Oh, so it's not NiallsPrincess0617?” She asked knowingly.

“Shut up.”

“Why do you even still use that one?” Danielle asked her with a giggle.

Brittany shuffled her feet. She didn't know. She'd just been bored and wanted to see what their stupid fandom had been up to. Turns out... the same as usual. A whole lot of nothing. And it wasn't even interesting to her anymore because she was no longer a part of it. “I dunno, I was bored.”

“Uh huh,” Danielle said, not quite buying it. “Well, either way, you know he was pretty pissed off about all of that but I'm sure he'll get over it soon. He has a new girlfriend now and-”

“What?” Brittany interrupted her.

“Yeah,” Danielle said softly. “I thought you knew that.”

“No,” Brittany said shortly, feeling increasingly more annoyed. She didn't know anything about that, and she wasn't sure she wanted to. “I didn't know that.”

“Oh, well he does.”

Brittany bit her lip and tried not to let this extremely unimportant news bother her. “Okay, well maybe you can tell him to share that with the world so that Sugarscape stops pitting him and Nick against each other, because it's making Nick really mad for some reason that I actually don't get.”

“Just tell Nick that it'll probably come out soon, and then the world will go back to not paying attention to him.”

“I'm sure he'll love that,” Brittany said sarcastically, but she couldn't help smiling a little. Danielle was probably right.

“It might make him feel a little better,” Danielle said passively. “But anyway, what have you been up to besides that? I feel like it's been ages since we've talked.”

Brittany shrugged. She hadn't been up to much, really. She and Nick had nearly finished her album and she was set to go on tour the next year, just as he was. She pouted a little thinking about that. She'd gotten so used to seeing Nick nearly every day that it was going to be weird not see him for such a long time. “I dunno, working on the album, going out on tour. The usual stuff. What about you?”

“Oh you know, a lot of the same. The boys actually have a decent amount of time off for Christmas, so that'll be nice. What're you going for Christmas?” Danielle asked cautiously.

Brittany tried not to let it show how much she wasn't looking forward to Christmas. The last couple of years she'd spent the holidays with Niall and his family in Ireland, and now she didn't really know what she was going to do. “I don't know, I guess I'll just hang around LA.”

“Not going home to Texas?”

“Nah.”

There was an awkward silence that hung in the air after that. Brittany didn't feel like filling it, not really having much else to say. The entire conversation had been somewhat of a downer for her.

“Well, I guess I should let you go Britt,” Danielle said quietly. “If I don't talk to you before, have a good Christmas.”

“Thanks Dani,” Brittany said before hanging up. “You too. Talk to you soon.”

She tossed her phone onto her comforter beside her and looked up at the ceiling. Despite that it was designed to have the opposite effect, Christmas always tended to remind her of what she didn't have.

“I don't understand why you're so pissed off about this,” AJ laughed as he leaned over Nick's shoulder. Nick had come bursting into AJ's house, sat down at his computer and had starting scrolling through the articles. “No one's even gonna care.”

“Because!” Nick exclaimed, swiftly turning around in the computer chair. “It's stupid.”

AJ scoffed. “Welcome to the entertainment industry, dude. Where have you been for the last twenty-one years?”

Nick sighed. Truthfully, he didn't know why it upset him so much. He hadn't been so bothered by the comments that had been made after the cruise – and these weren't even that bad. The fact was that all of that had been speculation, and this was based on a very real comment made by someone who (as much as he hated to admit it) was a lot more famous than he was.

“I don't know,” Nick said. “You know how sometimes you focus on dumb shit when you don't want to deal with real shit?”

AJ raised his eyebrow as she reached for a pack of cigarettes. He took one out and held the package out to Nick, but Nick just shook his head. “What real shit are you dealing with?” AJ asked, before lighting up.

Nick shrugged. He hardly wanted to explain to AJ that this was his first Christmas in years without Lauren, and how instead of moping around his Nashville home he'd decided to fly out to Florida to see his mother. He'd decided that was much worse, but it was too late to back out now without a good excuse.

But he wasn't going to tell AJ that. Because AJ would probably tell Rochelle, and Rochelle would tell Lauren, and then they'd laugh about how pathetic he was.

And though he really thought he'd gotten over it, seeing everyone happy and getting ready for the holidays just made Nick miserable all over again.

“Nothing, just shit,” Nick said, reconsidering the cigarette AJ had offered him earlier. He reached for the pack and pulled one out. AJ tossed him the lighter without a word. “I sorta blew up at Brittany,” Nick said looking back at the computer screen again. Brittany's smiling face looked back at him and he felt a little guilty. But only a little, when he remembered that she'd effectively caused all of this. He lit up the cigarette and took a drag from it as he looked up at AJ.

“Way to go, man,” AJ said, rolling his eyes. “Now she definitely won't sleep with you.”

“I'm not trying to sleep with her,” Nick said, shaking his head. “I just feel kinda bad, even though this is all her fault. She was the one who prodded him to say stuff on a twitcam apparently.”

AJ raised his eyebrow. “What's a twitcam?”

“It's like your socialcam shit, but it's live,” Nick said, rolling his eyes. If anyone would understand the appeal of all these social media devices, it was AJ.

But apparently, the point of it was lost on him too. “Sounds lame.”

Nick shrugged. “I just don't get it. She said she was over it, you know? I thought she was over it, anyway.”

“Girls are weird, dude. You know this,” AJ said, nodding his head at Nick as if to prove his point. They'd both had their fair share of girl troubles.

“Yeah, I know. It just doesn't make any sense.”

AJ just shrugged and gave Nick a look as he leaned back against the dining room table a little. “Well, maybe she's trying to avoid dealing with real shit too.”

“This is her real shit, AJ.” Nick rolled his eyes. He had no idea what Brittany could possibly be dealing with other than whatever people on twitter were saying about her. As far as he was aware, her breakup with Niall was the biggest drama that had ever happened in her short little life.

“You don't know that,” AJ said still giving Nick that same look. “It might not be. It's not even that big of a deal. So some kid in another boyband said you probably banged his ex-girlfriend. Everyone already thought that. I still sort of think that,” he laughed.

Nick gave AJ an unimpressed look, but he had to concede to the fact that his friend was right. In the grand scheme of things, this wasn't all that big of a deal. He'd blown the entire thing out or proportion, but at least it had given him something of a distraction for the day.

“Yeah, I guess,” Nick said, standing up and zipping his hoodie back up. “I guess I'd better go home and start packing for my trip to Florida,” he said with a sigh, finishing off his cigarette and putting it out in the ashtray on the computer desk.

AJ gave him an understanding pat on the back. “Good luck, man.”

***

The next day Nick walked into the studio early to find Brittany sitting there playing with her iPad.

“Morning,” he said, sitting his coffee down on the table while pulling up a chair.

“Morning,” she said shortly, giving him a look.

The two of them were silent for a moment. Brittany fiddled with her iPad, not really wanting to be the first to say anything, but knowing she had to be. Nick took a sip of his coffee, trying to collect his thoughts before he spoke.

“I'm really sorry,” the two of them started at once. Brittany laughed a little, Nick just grinned and motioned for her to continue.

“Sorry,” she said again. “I shouldn't have even gone on that stupid twitcam. You don't have to worry about it though, I talked to Danielle and she said that Niall has a new girlfriend, so when that gets out I'm sure everyone will forget about him and me and all these comparisons you guys will stop.”

Nick nodded. He didn't really care anymore – but he was at least grateful for Brittany's explanation. “I probably shouldn't have blown up at you yesterday, I'm just...” he trailed off, not really wanting to explain everything to her. “I just don't really like the holidays,” he admitted, deciding that was safe enough.

“Me neither,” she muttered, looking at the ground.

They both looked at each other and nodded with a shared understanding and dislike for all things to do with Christmas. Brittany sighed, standing up. She was eager to get to work on finishing up the album – since the next day was Christmas Eve and Nick would be leaving for Florida.

Then, she wasn't sure at all what she was going to do.

“Well, I guess we'd better get to work. Got a lot to finish up before I go,” Nick said, opening up his laptop. He didn't care to discuss the matter any further – for the time being he was content to just focus on work.

Which was exactly how they spent the better part of the day. If Brittany had her way, this was what she would have spent all of her time doing. Just enjoying this relaxed, yet serious atmosphere in the studio with Nick. Either that, or being on tour.

Unfortunately for her, the minutes ticked by, and soon the day was over. “Shit,” Nick said, looking at the clock on the wall. “I gotta get home and pack, I have an early flight tomorrow.”

Brittany just nodded, trying to force a smile on her face. “Yeah, okay. Looking forward to your trip?”

Nick sighed. “No,” he admitted in his haste. He really wasn't, and wished he had some kind of excuse to ditch it. It wasn't like his family would miss him anyway – everyone else was going to be there too. They hadn't missed him any other year – why start now?

“No?” Brittany asked, unable to contain her curiosity.

Nick shrugged his shoulder slightly and looked off to the side. “My mom and I don't really get along.”

“Yeah,” Brittany nodded with a sigh. “Neither do me and mine.”

Nick frowned. He didn't particularly want to go down to Florida. Hell, he didn't particularly want to do anything related to Christmas at all. “Hey,” he said slyly, a grin playing on his lips. “Do you wanna just ditch it?”

Brittany raised her eyebrow. She had no idea what Nick was talking about. “What?”

“Christmas,” Nick explained. “You wanna ditch it? Blow it off? We can go to my house in Malibu and just watch movies or whatever.”

“Can you do that?” she asked him, though she'd be lying if she said the idea didn't sound appealing at all. It sounded a lot better than hanging around LA doing nothing.

“Yeah, sure,” Nick said easily. “Who gives a shit? Not my family, that's who.”

Brittany had to laugh a little at his bluntness. “Okay,” she said slowly. “I'll have to pack a bag.”

“Yeah,” Nick said quickly. “Me too. But I'll pick you up at your place tomorrow morning and we'll head down to Malibu. What do you think, sound good?”

Brittany nodded quickly, feeling more excited about the holiday than she had in the past few weeks leading up to it. “Yeah, sounds good!”

Late the next morning, Nick parked his car outside of Brittany's condo complex. He sighed to himself, glancing at the clock. He'd now officially missed his flight to Florida. No matter how much he didn't want to see his family, he wasn't looking forward to having to deal with any drama that was bound to arise on account of skipping out.

So, he sent a quick text to Brittany, letting her know that he was downstairs. Then he took a deep breath and called his youngest sister.

“Nick?” her soft voice rang through the speakers of his bluetooth enabled car.

“Hey,” he said shortly, peeking out the window to make sure Brittany wasn't anywhere in sight yet. She wasn't. “Uh, so I just thought I would tell you, I'm not going to be coming out to Florida...”

“What? Why?” Angel asked, sounding disappointed. Nick sighed a little. He'd thought it would have been best to call her, since out of all his siblings she was the one he got along with the most, but now he was regretting that decision as he was just feeling guilty.

“I've got stuff to do here in LA,” he lied.

“On Christmas?” she challenged. “Really, Nick?”

“Yeah,” he said, still keeping up with his lie.

“You expect me to actually believe that?” Angel asked him with annoyance. “This is the first Christmas you were going to spend with us in years and you're ditching us. You just don't want to see us. As usual.”

“No, Angel, that's not it,” he said, straining his neck to see if Brittany was walking towards his car. She wasn't yet, and so he had no excuse to blow off this conversation with his sister as well. “It's just that... Brittany told me she wasn't doing anything for Christmas, so I thought I'd take her out to Malibu.”

Angel didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, but Nick heard her audibly sigh. “That's bullshit, Nick. You just don't want to see Mom.”

“That too,” Nick admitted. “But I really am taking Brittany to Malibu.”

“Seriously? You'd rather hang out with her than your own family?” Angel asked him in exasperation, and she was beginning to get overly upset. “Aside from how much that sucks for us, it's really creepy.”

“No,” Nick said. He was beginning to get tired of all of the grilling he received over his and Brittany's age gap. “She's not that much younger than you.”

“Oh,” Angel scoffed. “Yeah, that makes it so much better.”

“Angel,” Nick sighed, running a hand through his hair. He noticed Brittany walking briskly towards his car and gave her a small wave. “I'm sorry, I just really don't want to deal with all of that family bullshit,” he said, putting his phone in privacy mode and holding it against his ear.

He motioned for Brittany to throw her bag into the back as he listened to his sister. “Right, so you're just going to leave me to deal with it all alone, without you.”

“Look,” Nick said, nodding to Brittany as she sat in the seat beside him. He forced a smile on his face as he continued to talk, choosing his words carefully. “You've survived every other year without me. It'll be fine.”

“Fine,” Angel spat. “Whatever, Nick. Go off and have your stupid mid-life crisis or whatever.”

“I hope it's not mid-life,” Nick joked a little, trying to lighten the mood. “I'm only thirty-four.”

“You know what I mean,” Angel snapped at him. “I guess now I'm the one who has to let mom know. Thanks a lot.”

“Oh, I'm sure she'll be fine,” Nick said, rolling his eyes a little and then glancing at Brittany apologetically. “Sister,” he mouthed to her, and she just nodded.

“You're right,” Angel said, still sounding really annoyed with him. “She was probably expecting you to not show up anyway.”

“Oh come on, Ang,” Nick said, then frowned, realizing he could only hear dead air. He glanced at his phone and sighed, Angel had hung up on him.

“Rough phone call?” Brittany asked him cautiously.

“Yeah,” Nick muttered, putting his phone down and pulling out of his parking space. “Just telling my sister I'm not gonna make it down to Florida,” he shrugged.

Brittany gave him a look. “You know, you can still go to Florida,” she said cautiously, feeling guilty for taking him away from his family time.

“I don't want to go to Florida,” Nick said shortly, glancing at her before looking back out at the road in front of him. “I want to go to Malibu. It's not that big a deal. You know how siblings are.”

“I don't actually,” Brittany said, glancing at him. “I don't have any.”

“Really?” Nick asked her, realizing he hardly knew anything about her family life. He assumed it couldn't have been good, considering she'd told him the day before she didn't get along with her mom and that she was spending Christmas with him. “Well all you're missing is a ton of drama,” he said knowingly, though he did feel a slight pang of guilt as the words left his mouth.

Brittany shrugged. “I guess,” she said. Then quickly changed the subject, not really wanting to get onto the topic of family. “So are you going to make me a fancy Christmas dinner?” she laughed.

Nick laughed a little and raised his eyebrow. “Uh, no. But I think there's a Chinese food place near there. I bet they'll be open.”

“What?” Brittany asked, licking her lips and grinning at him. “No Chili's?”

“Not for Christmas dinner, Brittany,” Nick said, shaking his head. “Come on, have a little class,” he joked.

Brittany burst out laughing at that. “Oh my God,” she giggled. “Okay, Chinese food it is.”

Nick grinned as he turned the car onto the highway. He reached for the volume and turned the radio up, but it wasn't playing much of anything. “What'cha wanna listen to?” he asked, motioning to the compartment in between their two seats. “There's some CDs in there.”

She unlatched the compartment and thumbed through the cases. Most of Nick's music wasn't anything she thought she'd be interested in. Journey, Metallica, Nirvana... until she stopped.

“Alabama, Nick?”

Nick just laughed. “Uh, yeah. I went through a little country music phase when I moved to Nashville.”

Brittany grinned at his obvious embarrassment. She didn't care about his taste in music, and put the disc in the CD player. But instead of letting it play through, she skipped to the last track; her favourite on the album. “I love this song,”

“It's kind of depressing,” Nick said, giving her a look, but not changing the song.

Brittany just shrugged. “I don't think it's depressing. It's uplifting, actually. About how people come into your life when you need them the most. Plus, it's sort of Christmassy,” she said, nodding her head a little when Nick gave her a confused look. “You know, angels?”

Nick laughed a little. “I guess so.”

The two of them were silent, listening to the song. Brittany looked out the window and couldn't help but make the connection between the lyrics and her relationship with Nick, but she didn't say anything to him about it. She glanced over at him for a split second before calmly looking out the window again.

***

About an hour later, Nick stopped the car in front of a house with a large gate in front of it. He reached out and punched in a code, before the gate opened. He pulled the car into the driveway, and a couple minutes later, he and Brittany stepped out.

“This is your house?” Brittany said, her eyes wide. It wasn't a small house by any means, and it didn't look like something that Nick would want to own at all.

Nick shrugged. “Yeah. I wanted beachfront... and with beachfront you sorta need to get the huge house.”

“I can't believe you own a house like this,” she said in disbelief, still gazing up at it.

Nick laughed at her innocence. “What? You could own a house like this too, if you wanted.”

“I guess,” she said, grabbing her things out of Nick's car and following him to the front step, where he unlocked the door. “But I've never really had a need for one. What do I need all of that space for?”

“Yeah,” Nick said with a nod. “I know. Like I said, beachfront.”

Brittany raised her eyebrow at him as he led her through the house. She glanced out the back porch and couldn't help but notice the beach. When Nick had said beachfront he definitely hadn't been lying. “Holy shit,” she muttered to herself, following Nick up the stairs.

“Uh,” he said glancing around. “I guess you can have whichever room you want,” he shrugged. “There's lots.”

Brittany glanced at the double doors that were directly behind where Nick was standing. She pointed at them and gave him a cheeky grin, but he just rolled his eyes.

“That's my room,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Although, if you want to sleep in there, you can. But I'm not giving it up,” he nodded with a smirk.

“I'll pass,” she giggled, not bothered by his inappropriate comment. “This is fine,” she said, walking into another room and setting her things down on the bed.”

“This one's good too,” Nick said, walking over to the window and opening the curtains. “You can see the beach perfectly from here.”

“I can't believe you have your own stretch of beach,” she sighed, looking out the window at the waves below. “It's kind of surreal.”

“You want to go out there?” Nick asked, and Brittany nodded eagerly. “Come on,” he said, leading her outside.

They walked through the house quickly, off the small deck and out onto the sand. The water wasn't quite calm, and it was too cold to go swimming in, but it was still good to watch. And that was just fine with the both of them.

“Nick, this is breathtaking,” Brittany breathed, looking out at the water. “I can't believe you own this.”

“Yeah,” Nick said with a nod, looking down at her and putting his hands in his pockets. He'd hardly been out to his house in Malibu ever since he and Lauren had broken up. But now, standing here, he remembered why he loved it so much.


“God, I could just stay out here forever,” she mumbled, still looking out at the water.

Nick shrugged, looking down at her as he blonde hair blew around in the wind. “We could eat lunch out here, over on the deck,” he shrugged. “I don't have a lot of food in the house, but I could order a pizza or something,”

“Sure,” Brittany nodded, looking up at him. She reluctantly followed him back into the house as he went to order the pizza.

“You want a drink or something?” Nick asked, looking around for a flyer to a pizza place. “There's probably something in the fridge.”

Brittany opened the fridge door and glanced inside. Nick wasn't kidding when he'd said there wasn't a lot of food in the house. Aside from a few bottles of water and some condiments, there wasn't much. She grinned to herself as she pulled out a bottle of wine. “Uh,” she said, reading the label. “Strawberry White Zinfadel?” she asked, giving him a look.

“Shut up,” Nick said, pointing at her playfully as he help his phone to his ear. “That shit's really good.”

“I've never had it before.”

“Oh really?” Nick asked, and quickly placed his pizza order before hanging up the phone and turning his attention back to Brittany. He walked over to her and took the bottle out of her hands. “We can drink it while we eat lunch.”

She giggled, thinking how ridiculous this all was. Eating pizza and drinking fruity wine on Christmas Eve in California definitely wasn't traditional, but when she looked over at Nick, she realized this was the perfect way for the two of them to spend the holidays.

Brittany woke up on Christmas morning to hear the waves crashing on the shore. She looked out the window and smiled a little. The sky was grey with the sun trying to peek through. It was a far cry from any of the Christmases she'd spent before this, but that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.

She pulled her hair up into a messy ponytail and walked downstairs. The lights were all still off, and it appeared as though Nick hadn't woken up yet. She sat down on the couch and turned the TV on. She smiled a little, seeing that the channel was still on the one they'd been watching the night before.

That had been quite a different experience for her as well. For the past two years, she'd spent Christmas Eve going to Midnight Mass and eating dinner afterwards with Niall and his family. The night before, she and Nick had ventured out to the 7-11 a few blocks away to buy hot chocolate, and stayed up late watching a marathon of Seth Rogan comedies.

She smiled as she watched the old Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and hugged her knees to her chest. It was the only thing that indicated it was December 25th in the house – there were no decorations of any kind to be seen.

And though she'd convinced herself she hated Christmas, she couldn't help but feel warm as she watched the animated characters dance around the screen.

“I haven't seen this since I was like, ten,” Nick muttered as he walked into the living room. He rubbed his eyes and sat down on the other couch, watching the screen.

“Me neither,” Brittany said, glancing over at him. “I used to watch it every year, though. It was my favourite.”

“Yeah,” Nick said quietly. “I always liked The Grinch too.”

“Of course you did,” Brittany said, giving him a look. “Because you're bitter.”

“I'm not bitter,” Nick protested, raising his eyebrow. “Besides, if you'll recall, the Grinch realized at the end what Christmas was really about. And his heart grew three sizes.”

“Okay,” Brittany scoffed, glancing back at the screen with a smirk on her face.

“Three sizes, Brittany,” he repeated, as if to prove his point.

She just laughed. “Whatever you say, Nick.”

“Hey, and I'll have you know I was named after Christmas,” Nick said, giving her a slight nod.

She turned to look at him again, still wearing that same smirk on her face. “Really? I thought your birthday was in January.”

“It is,” Nick shrugged. “But I was still named after Christmas. You know, St. Nick.”

“Oh God,” Brittany giggled. “Was your family like really into Christmas or something?”

Nick just shrugged. “I don't think my mom could come up with a better idea, and my dad probably didn't give a shit,” he said, annoyance peeking through his voice. But, he quickly recovered, trying to recall some kind of fond Christmas memory he could tell her about. “But I guess my family was sort of into Christmas. We always watched the cartoons, anyway. And my mom would make a big breakfast while we opened our gifts.”

“Yeah,” Brittany said, turning her attention back to the TV. She mentally berated herself for bringing up the topic of family, unsure if she actually wanted to talk about it or not.

Nick sighed a little, thinking about Christmases past. “Too bad we don't have any food here, we could have made like, some kind of nice breakfast. And orange juice with champagne.”

“There's leftover pizza in the fridge,” Brittany reminded him. “And it's like, ten in the morning.”

But Nick just shrugged, walking over to the kitchen. Brittany followed him, and watched as he rummaged through the cupboards. “There's pancake mix,” he said, pulling out a box and looking at it. “All we need to do is add water.”

Brittany smiled softly as Nick studied the box. “My dad always used to make pancakes on Christmas morning,” she remembered fondly.

“Oh yeah?” Nick asked, glancing at her, and she smiled up at him. “Guess we'll have to do it then.”

“Yeah,” she said quietly. “Guess so.”

Brittany didn't say anything more after that as she sat on one of the stools and watched Nick try to mix up the pancake batter. It was difficult for her to not focus on her family as she did this. She hadn't had a “normal” Christmas in years. In fact, the past two that she'd spent with Niall had been the most traditional holidays she'd had in a long time.

Now, sitting here in Nick's house, just the two of them, she felt awkward.

“Here,” Nick said, pulling Brittany out of her thoughts. She looked up and noticed he was holding out his car keys to her.

“What's this for?”

“Go run down to CVS and get some pancake stuff. Like, syrup and stuff.”

Brittany stared wide-eyed at the keys in her hands. “You're going to let me take your car?!” she asked in disbelief.

“Yeah, sure,” Nick shrugged. “I trust you, baby.”

Brittany rolled her eyes as she hopped off the stool to go get changed. “Well...thanks!” she beamed, beginning to walk away. But before she left, she turned her head and gave him a cheeky grin. “Oh...and I'm not your baby.”

Nick just laughed and shook his head as she walked away. He heard Brittany dash up the stairs and smiled to himself. He hadn't missed the sad look on her face when she'd mentioned her family. Though he didn't know any details, he could definitely relate. After all, he was the one who had suggested ditching Christmas altogether.

But it appeared as though giving her the keys to his car had made her momentarily happy.

He glanced out the window at the beach. The water had always been calming for him, and it served to make him feel a little better about the situation at hand. Though this setting was all new for Brittany, it was definitely familiar to him. He'd spent many Christmases in this house with Lauren, and it was hard for him not to think about her, even though their break-up had been nearly a year ago.

He quickly pushed the thoughts out of his mind, not caring to think about Lauren or his family. He focused on making pancakes, which he was pretty sure he was doing an excellent job of. And as a further distraction, he switched on his CD player and sang along loudly to Journey as he waited for Brittany to return.

And eventually, she did, pressing the buzzer on the gate. Nick walked over to the intercom. “Hey,” he said, letting her in.

A couple minutes later, Brittany walked back into the house, grocery bags in tow.

“I sent you for syrup,” he said, eyeing her.

“Yeah,” she shrugged. “I know you did, and I got that. But I also got orange juice, and they had egg nog, so I thought we could have that later, and look at this,” she said, pulling out a cardboard box.

Nick watched as she opened it and set the contents of the box on the table. “Is that a snowglobe?” he asked her, giving her an odd look.

“Yeah!” she grinned, then noticed the look Nick was giving her. “I know, but watching those specials this morning sort of put me in the Christmas mood. And look,” she said, pressing a button on it. Mechanical music played through a small speaker on it as Styrofoam snow blew around inside the plastic ball.

Nick raised his eyebrow. “That is the tackiest thing I've ever seen.”

Brittany rolled her eyes, but still watched the snowglobe with a smile. “Says you, you're in a boyband,” she laughed.

“Yeah,” Nick shrugged, carefully taking the pancakes off of the frying pan and placing them on to a plate. “But not for much longer.”

“Right,” Brittany nodded, looking over at him as he poured more batter into the frying pan. It was kind of an odd sight, to see him so domesticated like this. Normally he was just eating salad from the deli near the studio. “Are you looking forward to that? The farewell tour, I mean.”

Nick just shrugged, watching for the batter to bubble so he could flip the pancakes over. “Yeah, I guess. I mean, it'll probably be the last time I play arenas, so that'll be cool.”

“I'm sure it won't be the last time you play arenas,” Brittany said, trying to give him a look of encouragement.

“No, I'm sure it will be,” he said, flipping the pancakes over. “But that's cool, we're all moving on and doing our own thing now. The other fellas have their families, and I'm doing my solo stuff and your stuff.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Brittany said, eyeing Nick. She often didn't believe the words that came out of his mouth, and sometimes she wondered if he even believed them. As much as he said he was fine with this, he didn't really look it. “You think you'll keep in touch with the others?”

“Oh yeah,” Nick said, nodding at her. He transferred a few of the pancakes over to another plate and handed it to Brittany. He turned the frying pan off and took the remainder of the pancakes for himself, and sat down on the stood across the island from her. “I'll probably keep in touch with them. Don't see any reason not to, it's not like we're fighting or anything.”

Brittany wondered again how much of that was true, considering how he'd acted on the cruise. Particularly towards Brian. But she figured she wouldn't push it. “How come you get the freshest ones?” she asked with a smirk, nodding her head towards his plate.

“Because I made them,” Nick replied, opening the tub of margarine, dipping his butter-knife in it and slathering a generous amount on to his food.

Brittany just grinned as she watched him. “I guess that's fair,” she laughed, pouring syrup on to her own breakfast.

“No butter?” Nick asked.

Brittany shook her head and stuffed a forkful into her mouth.

“Ugh, I like butter way too much,” Nick said, cutting his pancakes with the side of his fork and starting to eat them. “It's bad. That's probably how I got fat.”

“You're not fat.”

“I used to be fat,” he said seriously. “I fixed it though, started working out and stuff. But I still eat like crap sometimes,” he shrugged, devouring the food on his plate.

The two of them continued to eat silently, occasionally looking over at the snowglobe as it played different songs. Brittany glanced out the window again. It was a strange scene, to have this ornament playing Christmas music while looking out at the beach. Not that her Christmases spent in Texas had been overly snowy, but they'd at least had more decorations than this.

She wondered if Nick felt the same way. She figured he probably didn't, as he owned this house, but it was worth a shot. “Tell me a weird Christmas story,” she said with a grin.

“What? You mean like Frosty the Snowman?”

“No!” she laughed. “I mean like... something weird that happened to you one Christmas.”

Nick thought about that for a moment. He was sure there were a lot of weird things that had happened in his lifetime around Christmas, but had trouble thinking of one in particular. “Well,” he said, remembering one from when he was nineteen. “We got snowed in on our way home after some concert on Christmas Eve once. We were stuck in the airport for hours.”

“That sucks,” Brittany said, not really knowing what else to say.

Nick shrugged. “Yeah, but it was kinda cool. We sang a couple of Christmas songs and it sorta cheered people up.”

“That was sweet of you guys,” she grinned.

“Man, that was like fifteen years ago,” Nick said, shaking his head. “I can't believe it's been that long,” he paused, looking at Brittany. “What were you doing when I was stuck in that airport?”

“Uhhh...” Brittany thought back. “I guess probably doing Christmas in New York with my mom and dad.”

“I thought you were from Texas?” Nick asked. He was sure he'd heard her mention that before, and he'd always heard her refer to Texas as her home. In fact, he'd never once heard her mention New York before.

“Yeah,” Brittany said, nodding at him. “Sorta. I was born in New York. I moved to Texas when I was nine, after my dad died.”

“Sorry,” Nick said quickly. “That sucks. Why'd you and your mom go to Texas?”

“Uh,” Brittany said, glancing out the window again. She was beginning to understand why Nick loved the beach and the water so much. It gave her something to focus on when she didn't want to think about the drama in her life. It almost helped to clear her mind a little. “I didn't move to Texas with my mom,” she confessed. “I moved there because after my dad died, my mom sort of went crazy.”

Nick just looked at her, not knowing how to respond to that. He'd sort of suspected she'd had family issues, and now that she was explaining them to him, he couldn't help but feel sorry for her, and relate to her a little. So instead of saying anything, he just listened as she continued.

“Yeah,” she said. “My dad's sister lived in Texas so I moved there, and my mom just kept drinking or whatever in New York,” she shrugged.

“And you don't talk to her at all?” Nick asked, unable to stop himself.

Brittany shrugged. “Not really. I talked to her a little bit when I was in High School, but we never got along. At first she kept trying to get me to move back to New York, and she'd lose her mind when I said I couldn't. Not that I wanted to anyway, but I actually couldn't. She couldn't take care of me, she couldn't even take care of herself. Then eventually, she just stopped calling.”

“Yeah, I hear that,” Nick said knowingly. “My family was shit too. My parents were always fighting, and they used to pit us against them, saying they were getting divorced and asking us who we wanted to live with. Then they'd make up and act like it never happened. Like we were this perfect family. It was sort of bullshit.”

“Sounds like it,” Brittany muttered, looking down at her near empty plate. “That sucks.”

“Yup,” Nick nodded. “So you can sort of understand why I didn't really want to go there.”

“Yeah,” Brittany said. “But your mom and dad are separated now, aren't they?”

“Yeah, but my mom's still a bitch who probably only wanted me there so I'd give her an expensive gift,” Nick said harshly. “I didn't even buy any of them gifts. I hate Christmas shopping.”

Brittany just laughed slightly. “I dunno, I sort of like Christmas shopping.”

“You didn't get me anything,” Nick said, cracking a smile to make it clear he was joking.

“You didn't get me anything either,” Brittany pointed out.

“Hey,” Nick said, gesturing around the kitchen. “I brought you here, didn't I?”

Brittany smiled a little, hopping off the stool and collecting their plates to put in the sink. “Yeah,” she said softly. “You did.” She leaned over and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “Merry Christmas, Nicky.”

Nick's cocky smile turned into a much softer one as he turned to look at Brittany. “Don't call me Nicky.”

She glanced over at him and grinned. “I was just getting you back for calling me 'baby' before.”

Nick shook his head and glanced over at the ridiculous snowglobe. So far, this Christmas wasn't shaping up to be so bad.

“Here's the thing about Chinese food,” Nick said, twirling some noodles around in his fork and shoving them in his mouth. “It's not actually from China.”

Brittany gave Nick a look as she sipped on her tea. As promised, the two of them were sitting in a relatively empty restaurant that evening. There were a few people scattered around, but for the most part they were alone with their kung pao chicken and light Christmas carols playing in the background.

“Uh huh,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes a little. “Really, so you're telling me they don't actually ship this food all the way from China so they can serve it to us? Wow, I never knew,” she said sarcastically, rolling her eyes as she grinned at him.

“No,” Nick said, continuing to stuff his face. “Fuck, this is really good. Anyway, no, I mean in China this isn't what they eat.”

Brittany just shrugged. “I've never been to China.'

“Well they don't eat like this. This is like, American Chinese Food. It's pretty much American food. We just call it Chinese because there's a lot of rice. I guess.”

Brittany glanced down at the half eaten entrees on their table, debating whether to put more food on her plate or not. Then she looked up at Nick, not really sure how to respond after his rice comment.

“It's true,” Nick nodded seriously.

Brittany couldn't help but bursting out laughing at the look on his face. It was evident that he was seriously talking about Chinese food and how it wasn't authentic enough. “Oh my God,” she giggled. “I can't believe you.”

“What?!” Nick asked, taking a sip from his water and leaning back in his chair. “I'm just telling you the truth.”

“Uh huh,” she said. “I'm sure the next thing you'll tell me is that they don't actually have sushi in Japan.”

“Nah,” Nick said, shaking his head slightly and smirking at her. “They have sushi in Japan. The rolls just aren't as big. It's good though.”

Brittany studied Nick as he talked, amused by his attempt at being worldly. Or maybe he was actually worldly – she couldn't really tell. She'd never been to any of the places that Nick was talking about, and she wasn't sure she ever would be.

She wondered what it must have been like for him, to literally have been world famous. He and the rest of the Backstreet Boys probably never had spent any time at home. Especially when they were popular.

“What was that like?” she asked him quickly.

“What was what like?” Nick raised his eyebrow and looked at her, unsure of what she was asking about. “Japan? It's pretty cool there. Lots of stuff to do, lots of really good food. They don't have ramen here like they do in Japan, that's for sure. Man, you can get some of the best ramen in just a tiny little shop. Japan is fucking great.”

“No,” Brittany said with a slight grin on her face. “Not Japan. I meant, what was it like touring literally everywhere?”

“Oh,” Nick said, cocking his head to the side a little as though he was thinking about it. “It was good. I mean, we were busy all the time, and we never got to go home, but that was okay. I didn't really like being at home anyway.”

“And now?”

“Now what?” Nick asked her, giving her a look. He had no idea what she was going on about or why she was asking him such questions. Sure, her level of fame was contained to the states, but it never seemed like that had bothered her much.

In fact, he wished he could attain the level of recognition in the states that she had. He was sure he never would again. Especially now that once this final Backstreet Boys tour was over, he would be on his own as a solo artist for good.

“Now, do you like being at home? Or would you rather be on tour?”

Nick wasn't sure that there ever was a time in his life that he would have rather been at home than out on tour. Perhaps when he'd been dating Lauren and things had been good between them, but even then he'd still loved being out on the road. He'd just loved bringing her with him.

“Tour,” he said easily. “Always on tour.”

She just nodded, taking her napkin and wiping her hands with it before setting it down on her plate. “Yeah, I get that,” she said. “Ready to go? We can go back to your place and have eggnog and watch It's a Wonderful Life,” she said with a grin.

“Wow,” Nick said, standing up from his chair. “If I didn't know any better, I'd say you'd already planned this.”

“I might've brought the DVD with me,” she shrugged with a sheepish grin.

Nick laughed as they walked over to the front to pay. He tapped his credit card lightly on the marble countertop and looked around. All things considered, it hadn't been a bad Christmas. In fact, he could get used to eating Chinese food on December 25th.

“What?” Brittany asked, looking at Nick as he slipped his wallet back into his pants after paying for their food. “You're not going to have a fortune cookie?” She nodded her head slightly towards the dish that was sitting near the exit.

Nick shook his head. “Nah, I never really did like them. They always tasted like cardboard to me. Plus, I don't believe in that fortune bullshit.”

Brittany rolled her eyes.

“What?” Nick laughed. “I don't see you taking one.”

“I'm full,” Brittany protested.

“You just said you wanted to have eggnog.”

“Well yeah,” she said with a shrug. “I always have extra room for eggnog.”

Nick gave her a look and she just stood there with a smirk on her face. Sometimes it truly amazed him how much of a brat she acted like – which in turn always reminded him of himself at a younger age. “Here,” he said, picking up a cookie and tossing it to her. “You don't have to eat it, just see what it says.”

Brittany gave him a look, but still ripped open the plastic packaging. She broke the cookie in half and handed the pieces to Nick.

Without thinking, Nick put a piece of the cookie in his mouth and chewed on it thoughtfully. “So,” he said, taking a look at the other piece of the cookie and contemplated eating it as well. “What does it say?”

She shrugged. “Good things will come to you in due time.”

“Huh,” Nick said thoughtfully, pushing open the door to the restaurant and motioning for Brittany to go ahead of him. “That's vague.”

“They're all vague, Nick,” Brittany said, walking past him and turning her head back a little. “That's kind of the point.”

He laughed. “I guess you're right.”

***

Brittany rummaged through Nick's cupboards in search of some sort of fancy glasses. She couldn't find any, and gave up, pouring eggnog into novelty Batman cups.

“Sweet, Batman,” Nick said, walking into the kitchen and picking up one of the cups. He smelled his drink cautiously before taking a sip. “Did you put rum in this?”

“No,” Brittany said, shaking her head and putting the carton back into the fridge. “You didn't have any.”

Nick frowned a little, but still continued drinking as he looked out the window. “Come on,” he said, opening the sliding door and motioning for her to join him.

“I thought we were going to watch It's a Wonderful Life!” Brittany protested, but still followed him out past the deck and onto the beach.

“Yeah,” Nick said, sitting down in the sand and looking out onto the water. “I just wanted to sit out here for a bit. I don't come out to this place that often anymore, and I want to just enjoy it for a minute.”

Brittany nodded, glancing at him and then looking out onto the ocean. She was silent for a couple minutes as she watched, but she wasn't one to keep her mouth shut for very long. “What's with you and the beach anyway?” she asked, stretching out her legs and leaning backwards on her palms.

Nick shrugged as the wind picked up a little. “I don't know. I've just always loved the water. I loved surfing and scuba diving when I was younger and there was always something so peaceful about being out on the beach. Like no one was going to bug me there. No fans, no fucked up family members.... just no one,” he shrugged.

Brittany nodded, looking up at him. The whole time she'd known him, she'd always been aware of how enlightened and smart he was. Even if he didn't seem to be quite aware of it. He always took such delight in simple things while still being able to look at the bigger picture and it was a quality she admired in him.

He was just sitting there, gazing out on the water. She wondered what he was thinking about, and if that was why he'd needed to come out here – to clear his mind. For once, she let him have his silence as she watched him. He looked so calm and focused. His eyes were squinted and even though his lips were pursed together, she could see a faint smile on them.

For a split second, she wondered what it would be like to kiss him.

She quickly pushed the thought out of her head, thinking it was weird to be imagining Nick in such a way. Still, she couldn't help but wonder. He definitely did look kissable, and she was sure he'd probably be good at it.

“Well,” Nick said, standing up and leaving Brittany staring at him awkwardly. “I guess we'd better go back inside.” He outstretched his arm to her, as if to help her up from the sand.

She grasped his hand and stood up, giving him a look. “I thought you wanted to sit out here,” she said, brushing herself off with her other hand.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “But now we can go inside and watch your movie. I know you're bored.”

“I'm not bored,” she insisted.

He just laughed. “Come on, let's go inside so you can show me what this movie's all about. But first,” he said with a grin, leaning over and kissing her quickly on the cheek. “Merry Christmas, baby,” he winked at her, dropping his hand from hers and walking back up towards the house.

“Yeah,” she said quietly, touching her cheek before she ran up after him. It had just been a kiss on the cheek – it didn't mean anything. After all, it was pretty obvious he was just making reference to what she'd done to him earlier that day.

Still, she couldn't help but feel a little giddy. As they watched the movie, she would remember it, and then mentally berate herself. They were going back to LA in the morning, and in two weeks they were going their separate ways for nearly a year.

There was no point in thinking about anything more with him. Brittany wasn't even sure she wanted to - she'd just been sort of curious. So she didn't say or do anything and kept her eyes firmly planted on the TV screen.

Despite the fact that Nick fell asleep halfway through the movie, Brittany watched it the entire way through. She smiled to herself as she turned off the lights. Throwing a blanket over Nick, she walked up to her own room and looked out the window.

As she glanced out at the beach, a calm feeling washed over her and she began to understand why Nick liked it so much. She hadn't thought that she'd be sad when Christmas was over, but she found herself not really looking forward to going back to LA the next day. Though different, Christmas in Malibu had been the perfect way for her and Nick to spend the holiday.

Part III - London Calling
December 2016

LIAM PAYNE AND DANIELLE PEAZER ANNOUNCE THEIR ENGAGEMENT

Shocking, right?

I know what you're thinking Scapers, not in the least. Or maybe you're thinking, “At least there's still three of them left!” (Because we know we are). But it's true, Liam has confirmed all rumours that he's engaged to his longtime sweetheart, Danielle.

Before you go cry into your pillow and eat a pint of ice cream, let us remind you that they've been together since the X Factor days, and he never really was on the market to begin with!

We are still so, so, jealous though. And here's the real shocker – they've been engaged for months! They've only just started telling people now. The wedding is in a month – right before One Direction kicks off their club tour.

Come a long way from the arenas, huh boys?

Well it doesn't matter, because Liam and Danielle are going to get married and we can't wait to see pictures!

Congratulations to the happy couple!

Brittany sat at the kitchen table of Nick's Malibu home. She scrolled through Sugarscape lazily on her iPad, smiling to herself a little.

It was a wonder that Danielle and Liam had managed to keep their engagement quiet for so long, but considering One Direction's fame had subsided significantly, it hadn't been that difficult. Still, Sugarscape managed to keep up with them, and Brittany had always thought that was nice.

Not that she looked at Sugarscape regularly, or anything.

She reached into her purse and pulled out the invitation to the wedding she'd just been reading about. It was in about a month, and she knew she had to make a decision on whether she was going to go or not fairly soon.

She traced her thumb carefully over the raised letters on the cardstock. She actually did have the time off, which was a wonder these days. She was always off on tour or doing something. One Direction's fame might have subsided, but hers had only increased. As it turned out, constantly being written about during all of the drama between her breakup and speculation if she was dating Nick or not only helped to get her more recognized.

Her career had still really only taken off in the states, but she was okay with that.

“What'cha doin?” Nick asked, walking into the kitchen area and grabbing a bottle of water out of the fridge. He and Brittany had taken to just spending the few days leading up to Christmas at his house. After that first year, it had become something of a tradition for them. In the past two years, even though they hadn't had a lot of time to see each other on account of their busy schedules, they'd only grown closer.

Strictly as friends, of course.

“Nothing,” Brittany said, still looking at the screen of her iPad.

Nick hovered over her while taking a sip of his water. He lightly touched her back and Brittany almost shivered. But she held it together.

Because she didn't have feelings for him.

“You still haven't sent that back?” Nick asked, nodding towards the paper wedding invitation that sat beside Brittany.

Brittany sighed, picking it up. “No, not yet. I guess I should.”

“Are you gonna go?” Nick asked.

Brittany really wasn't sure. Despite having seen Danielle very little in the past couple of years, the two girls had managed to remain close through text messages and phone calls. Danielle had invited her to the wedding, and had even told Brittany she'd have liked to have her in the wedding party, if not for Brittany's busy schedule.

And, obviously, the other reason.

“I don't know,” she answered honestly. “I think it'd be weird...” she trailed off. “The only person I'd know is Dani, and she'd be busy the whole time.”

Nick raised his eyebrow. “She's not the only person you'd know,” he said, walking away and going to sit on the couch.

Brittany sighed and followed him, holding the invitation in her hands and absentmindedly twirling it around in he fingers. “Okay, she's the only person I'd really want to see,” she rephrased her previous statement.

Nick shrugged. “So bring someone with you. You should go be there for your friend.”

Brittany glanced up at Nick, her eyes wide. Clearly, he had given her an idea.

And Nick was quick to pick up on exactly what that idea was. “No,” he said flatly. “No fucking way.”

Brittany gave him a look of exasperation. “Please?” she stressed.

“I don't do weddings,” he said seriously, looking at her.

“Ugh, come on, Nick!”

“No.”

“Please? For me?” she pouted a little.

Nick rolled his eyes. “And what's in it for me?” he challenged.

Brittany thought about that for a moment. “You know, you could just go, to be nice. It'd look good. You could foster good...boyband...relations...” she shrugged, knowing he wasn't going to buy it.

“Uh huh,” Nick said sarcastically. “I'm not even in a boyband anymore. Besides, aren't boyband relations your area of expertise?” he laughed.

“Ugh!” Brittany exclaimed in exasperation. “Gross,” she said, wrinkling her nose as she was reminded of her past boyfriends. Who would, of course, be attending the very wedding she was trying to convince Nick to accompany her to. “Come on, Nick,” she pleaded. “I'll be your best friend.”

“You're already my best friend,” he pointed out.

She rolled her eyes, and walked over to him, placing her hands on his thighs. “Come on...” she begged him. “I'll do anything you want,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively.

Nick's heart sped up in his chest when she leaned in close to him.

But that was just a normal guy reaction.

He didn't have feelings for her or anything.

“Uh...” he stammered. “Fine,” he said, looking up at her, and then promptly getting off the couch. “On the condition that you never do anything like that again.”

Nick's words stung a little, but she was able to easily brush that off on account of the fact that he had agreed to go with her. She beamed. “I wouldn't dream of it,” she winked at him. “Thanks Nick!” she grinned, going back into the kitchen to fill out the invitation with their RSVP.

Now, she would be able to see Dani and feel less awkward about attending alone.

***

Nick crawled into bed that night with a sigh.

He really didn't want to go to London.

He had known he'd end up going from the moment Brittany had asked him to. Because he had this stupid need to protect her and make her happy. He knew she wanted to go to the wedding, but of course she didn't want to go alone and sit there awkwardly.

There also was the small matter that Nick was sure if Brittany went to that wedding and saw her ex-boyfriend there was a chance something might happen between the two of them.

Before, Nick had warned Brittany to get over him for fear of their relationship not allowing her to fully realize her potential.

Now, thinking about the two of them together, he almost felt jealous.

He didn't particularly understand why he felt that way. He wasn't in a relationship with her, and he was quite sure he never would be. He certainly never planned on acting on any of the feelings that had started to creep up whenever he was around her.

Nick wasn't even sure when it had happened. They'd been close ever since he'd brought her on the cruise two years prior. He certainly hadn't had any romantic feelings for her back then. But now, all this talk of the wedding and her being thrust back into her old life, if only for a weekend, worried him. The fact that he was even considering that he might have any kind of romantic affection for her was enough to scare him into telling Brittany he wasn't going to go to the wedding.

Of course, those were the very same feelings that were forcing him into going with her in the first place.

He heard her walk through the halls and close the door to her own bedroom. Nick closed his eyes with a sigh. He wouldn't have at all minded if she'd come into his room instead. He tried not to dwell on that, but it was no use.

He was definitely beginning to fall for her, and the sooner he admitted that to himself, the sooner he could get over it.

Because there was no way she felt the same.

***

Brittany was sure Nick didn't feel the same.

She hated the fact that now, every time she looked at him, she fixated on something different. First, it had been his laugh, and the way it seemed to bounce off the walls every time she said something funny.

Then, it had simply just been his smile. His face lit up perfectly whenever he was happy, which was a lot of the time these days.

She hadn't even realized she'd fallen in love with him until it was too late and there was nothing she could do about it.

Thinking about their impending trip to London made her more giddy than it should have. She was excited to see Danielle, of course, but the fact that she and Nick were going together...

It made her feel like she was sixteen years old all over again. And for that, she was somewhat ashamed.

After all, Nick was her best friend. He had been for quite some time. She didn't want to risk losing their friendship. Especially after Nick was always so quick to point out how he didn't want to be in another relationship with anyone ever and that he had enough female attention to last him until the end of time.

She knew it was a bad idea. Even if Nick was off doing his own solo tour thing without the rest of the Backstreet Boys, he still had a lot of fans and groupies at his disposal. Brittany was well aware of his attitude towards women, but it was hard for her to really understand that side of him when he'd never been anything but sweet to her.

She laid awake, staring at the ceiling. There was no way she was going to fall asleep anytime soon. Not with the teenaged excitement over going to London with Nick. There was also the added giddiness over getting to see Danielle again.

Still, in the back of Brittany's mind there was a little nagging thought.

No matter how excited she was, the exact person she didn't want to see and completely wanted to avoid would be right there, nearly front and centre, as he was most certainly going to be the best man.

That thought was enough to bring her down from cloud nine. She'd done such a good job of avoiding him in the past two years and of course now she was going to be stuck in the same room as him for an entire day.

She hadn't a clue as to what she would say to him, but she knew she'd end up talking to him at some point. It would make things too awkward not to.

She sighed to herself, choosing to forget about that small detail for the time being. Instead she focused her energy on the fact that Nick was going to be her date for the evening.

No matter how bad it was that going to the wedding with Nick made her excited, allowing herself to think about Niall was far, far worse.

Nick glanced over at Brittany as the two of them walked through Heathrow Airport, one month later.

She had a distant look on her face as she glanced around and wheeled her small suitcase behind her. The two of them had packed light – after all, they were only going to be in London for a couple of days. The wedding was on the Saturday, which was two days away, giving them that evening and the full day to recover from any jet lag and explore the city. They had planned to leave the Sunday afterwards.

Nick wondered what she was thinking about as they walked through the busy terminal, on their way to find a car to take them to the hotel. He didn't know any details of what they'd be doing – he'd let Brittany take care of all the travel plans for the two of them.

“Where are we headed, anyway?” Nick asked her, once they were seated in the car that had been waiting for them.

“The Dorchester,” Brittany said, looking down at her phone.

Nick gaped at her. “The Dorchester? That's a fucking nice hotel.”

Brittany gave him a look. “Yeah,” she said, not really knowing what he was getting at. Of course Liam and Danielle were going to get married at a luxury hotel.

“No,” Nick said seriously. “It's a fucking expensive as hell hotel.”

Brittany eyed him. “Way to be a penny pincher, Nick. I'm paying for your room, remember?”

He shrugged. It wasn't the cost that bothered him, so much as the luxury that went along with it. He'd never been one for grand mansions or hotels – he liked to keep it simple. Going to an ultra nice hotel and having to act posh for two days wasn't exactly his idea of fun.

Then again, nothing about this trip was his idea of fun. And he figured he should have expected as much.

“I've never even stayed in that hotel,” he told her.

She squinted at him, not quite sure what he was getting at. “Okay? So?”

He shrugged and was reminded of Brian and Leighanne's wedding. It had been the epitome of everything he'd hated about weddings, complete with the couple throwing money around just because they could. He began to realize he didn't know anything about what Brittany's life had been like when she'd been right in the thick of it with this group.

It made him slightly insecure.

“What kind of money do these guys have to throw around that they're staying there?”

Brittany rolled her eyes. For being a celebrity, Nick had always been judgemental of people who had a lot of money and used it. “It's a wedding, Nick. They don't stay in these kinds of places all the time.”

Nick shrugged. He didn't care that they didn't stay in these sorts of fancy hotels all the time. As far as he was concerned, the other group was a bunch of snobby rich kids that flaunted all of their money. He knew he was somewhat projecting his twenty-year-old self's hatred of Brian's wedding onto them, but he couldn't really care less.

“What's with you?” Brittany asked him with annoyance. “Why are you being so negative about this?”

He looked at her. The fact that she didn't seem to mind – and even seemed excited about the fact that they were staying in a fancy hotel scared him. Like this was the world she was really supposed to be in. Not spending time with him in the states living in a condo in LA.

It worried him that as soon as she stepped back into this world she'd want to go back to it. And as much as he hated to admit it, the thought of that killed him.

“Nothing,” he said finally. “I'm just not a fan of weddings.”

She sighed. “Well, get into it, because we're here now, and there's no way you're bailing on me.”

He forced himself to smile at her. She was right – there was no way he was going to bail. He didn't want to leave her alone at the wedding. He didn't want her to be uncomfortable, and he certainly didn't want to risk losing her.

Perhaps deciding to come with her to the wedding was the best choice he could have made.

***

When they arrived at the hotel, Brittany promptly went over to the front desk to check in, leaving Nick standing awkwardly in the hallway with their bags.

He looked around.

It really was a posh hotel. And he felt horribly out of place. As he watched Brittany talk to the desk clerk, he couldn't help but notice that she looked as though she fit right in. Then again, she'd always been a girly girl, looking fashionable and cute was her thing.

Nick couldn't help but smirk a little at the irony of the situation. Here he was, thinking about how much she looked like she belonged in London, and the entire reason he was with her was because she'd been so violently against moving there.

As Nick took in the atmosphere of the fancy hotel, he noticed a girl walking down the large staircase. She waved, obviously recognizing him. He'd never met her before in his life, but of course, he was used to people knowing who he was.

She walked over to him and glanced in Brittany's direction. Then Nick figured it out.

This must have been Danielle.

“You guys made it,” she said, smiling at him. “She's checking in, I suppose?” she asked, looking up at him.

“Yeah,” Nick said, shifting uncomfortably.

“Oh, sorry,” she laughed. “I haven't introduced myself. I'm Danielle.”

She held out her hand for him to shake, and Nick accepted. “Nick.”

“Right,” Danielle beamed. “It's nice to finally meet you. I've heard so many things,” she laughed a little.

Nick wondered what Brittany could have possibly told this girl about him. But before he could respond, Brittany came bouncing over to them.

“Dani!” she squealed, pulling her friend in for a hug. “It's so good to see you! Congratulations!” she grinned.

Danielle laughed. “Thanks. It's good to see you too. It's been too long.”

“Way too long,” Brittany agreed. “So I know you sent me a picture, but let me see your ring.”

Danielle held out her hand for Brittany to look at. The younger girl leaned down to get a closer look. “It's gorgeous,” she said. “Liam did good... though that's not surprising.”

“I know,” Danielle said, pulling the ring off her finger. “And look,” she said, pointing to the inside of it. It held the inscription 6-11-2010.

“That's the day you guys met, right?” Brittany asked.

“Yeah,” Danielle said, putting the ring back on her finger.

Nick had to use every ounce of his being to not roll his eyes. What was with these kids and their engraved jewelry?

“Where is he, anyway?” Brittany asked, glancing around.

Danielle shrugged. “He's upstairs with some of the groomsmen. You could go up there and say hi if you want.”

Nick glanced at Brittany. He knew he was going to have to see them all at the wedding, but going up to the room and hanging around with them awkwardly wasn't exactly something he wanted to do. Not in the least.

“Uh,” Brittany said, shifting uncomfortably. “Is the best man up there?” she asked.

Danielle bit her lip. “Yeah... well, when I said groomsmen, I really meant that he's the only one up there with him,” she said sheepishly.

Brittany shook her head slightly. “Just the two of them?”

“Yeah,” Danielle said, rolling her eyes a little. “You know how it is. He's gotta get his time in before I take Liam away from him forever,” she quoted with a laugh.

“I'll pass then, somehow I doubt he wants to see me,” Brittany said.

Danielle just shrugged her shoulders. “I don't think that's necessarily true. He was asking if you were coming.”

But Brittany just sighed a little. Even if Niall was okay with seeing her, she wasn't sure she particularly wanted to go upstairs and play nice. Especially not with Nick standing right next to her. She glanced up at him, but he just gave her a look.

Even if he wasn't saying so, it was obvious he didn't want to go up there and greet them. And Brittany was completely fine with that. “I think we're just going to go up to our rooms. Tell Liam I said hi and congratulations and that I'll see him on Saturday.”

Danielle sighed, but seemed to accept that. “I will... I've got a meeting with the caterer, so I'd best get going. See you guys later.”

“Bye Dani,” Brittany waved to her friend as she left the hotel. She turned to Nick and handed him his room key. “Here.”

He took it from her, and glanced down at it.

“What?” Brittany asked, noticing the look on Nick's face.

“Nothing,” he said, looking over at her as they made their way into the elevator to go up to their rooms.

“Come on, spit it out.”

Nick sighed. “Fine. I can't believe the stupid ring was engraved.”

Try as she might, Brittany was unable to contain her laughter as they entered the elevator. “I knew you would fixate on that.”

“That's because it's stupid.”

She shrugged, pressing the button to take them up to the 15th floor. “I thought it was cute.”

“Of course you did,” Nick said, rolling his eyes.

“Lighten up Nick,” Brittany said, shaking her head a little. “It's not like you're the one getting married. You don't have to be so cranky. So let's go to our rooms, get changed and go explore London.”

Nick sighed. Brittany was right – he wasn't the one getting married. All he had to do was get through this weekend, and then they would be back on a plane, back to the states, and back to their normal lives.

The fact that Brittany seemed to be so relaxed about the whole thing bothered him, even though he knew it shouldn't have. She didn't seem to be worried about seeing everyone from her past. In fact she was taking it all in stride. Like it was any other wedding.

Though, she had neglected to go up to the room and see the boys.

That was a good sign, right? It meant that she would have rather spent time with him. Again, he chastised himself for being so jealous and juvenile.

But when he looked at her, and felt that tugging in his chest, he realized that there was a reason for it. However much he tried to deny it to himself.

“You're right,” he said finally. “Let's get ready, and then I'm going to take you to my favourite restaurant here.”

She eyed him cautiously. “It's not Nando's is it? Because I have to tell you, I really hate that place.”

“No...” he said, not knowing what she was talking about. “I've never even been there. We're going to Four Seasons. It's Chinese. You'll love it.”

Brittany breathed a sigh of relief as the elevator hit their floor and the door opened. “Thank God,” she muttered, then looked up at Nick with a grin as they walked down the hall to their rooms. “Chinese sounds great, let me get ready and we'll go.”

Nick watched as she disappeared into her own room and smiled to himself. Posh wedding or no posh wedding, he was determined to enjoy the rest of the time he and Brittany had together in London.

Brittany looked across the table at Nick as be popped a dumpling into his mouth. She grinned a little, looking back down at her plate. As much as she felt uncomfortable at the prospect of seeing her ex-boyfriend, she was happy to be in London.

“What?” Nick asked, his mouth full of food.

“Nothing,” she said. “Just thinking.”

“About the wedding?” he asked knowingly. “Nervous?”

She shrugged. Nervous wasn't exactly the right word. She really did want to watch Danielle and Liam get married... she just wasn't entirely looking forward to the awkward conversation she was going to inevitably end up having with Niall. She didn't know what she was going to do when she saw him, considering the last time she'd spoken to him she'd screamed at him that their relationship was over.

She briefly wondered if she could just make it through that day without talking to him at all. Since Nick was there with her, she was sure it would probably be possible. In fact, Nick being there with her was already making it easier. If she was there alone, she was sure she'd just be in her hotel room doing nothing.

That, or Danielle would have convinced her to just go say hello to Niall and everything would have been very awkward.

“Yeah, I'm a little nervous I guess,” she admitted. “I'm so glad you're here with me,” she said, and it was genuine. “I don't know what I'd be doing right now if you weren't.”

Nick eyed her. “You really don't know anyone else here, do you?”

Brittany shook her head. “I know them... I'm just not friends with them anymore. It'll be awkward.”

Nick raised his eyebrow. “Yeah, I still don't get that. Can't you talk to any of the other girls?”

Brittany wasn't so sure she could. “I don't think so. I was never that close with Eleanor, and any other girls that were around when I was aren't dating them anymore.”

“But somehow you and Danielle managed to stay friends,” Nick said, raising his eyebrow.

“Well, yeah,” she shrugged. “We were really close back when I was dating Niall. We sort of didn't have a choice, since the two of them spent so much time together. Niall and I even spent a couple of days at their house once.”

Nick wasn't sure what to say to that. “Sounds like fun.”

“It was,” Brittany smiled. “But it's sort of all in the past now.” She had to admit that the weekend the four of them had spent together at Danielle and Liam's home had been one of her best memories of that relationship.

That, and the two weeks she'd spent with him in Ireland. And of course their spur of the moment trip to New York. It was hard for her not to get a little nostalgic as her train of thought derailed into all of those old times.

“Britt?” Nick snapped his fingers nearly in front of her face. “Are you going to answer the question?”

“Huh?” She lifted her head up to glance at him. “I didn't hear it...” she admitted, giving him an apologetic look. She hadn't realized she'd drifted off into her own little world.

Nick didn't look impressed, but he quickly recovered. “I asked you if it was weird for you to stay friends with Danielle.”

Brittany shrugged. “I don't think so. I mean, we just...kept texting like nothing had changed. We didn't really talk about Niall or the group anymore, really. Not after all the drama had sort of subsided.”

Nick nodded. “Do you think that was weird for him? To know that you were still talking to Danielle?”

Brittany thought about that for a moment. She'd never really considered that, and she wasn't really sure what Nick was asking her all of these weird questions. “I don't know. I don't even know if he knew. She never told me about him, so I assume she never told him about me.”

“It was weird for me,” Nick said, and Brittany gave him a confused look. “I mean, it was weird when Rochelle stayed friends with Lauren. I always knew she was telling her stuff about me.”

“Yeah, I remember that,” Brittany mused, thinking back to that weekend on the cruise. “You know, I don't think I ever actually told you this, but Rochelle totally grilled me the night before the cruise.”

“What?”

Brittany laughed, thinking about how silly it all was now. “Yeah, it was so weird. She asked me if we were a couple, and kept acting like she knew something was going on between us. Like she really wanted dirt on you.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “See? Exactly. She wanted to tell Lauren stuff.”

Brittany shrugged. “Well, she had nothing to tell her. I mean, we're not a couple.”

“Yeah, you're right.”

There was an awkward silence after that. Neither of them quite knew what to say. Having been so close for the past two years, it was rare that they had any sort of moment such as this one. But it was happening and though Brittany knew why, she didn't quite know what to do about it.

Part of her wanted to reach over, touch Nick's hand and ask him if he wanted to change that.

The other part of her screamed not to because the prospect of changing their relationship terrified her. She was also sure that Nick would just look at her like she was crazy.

“You want to go back to the hotel?” she asked instead. “I'm tired.”

Nick smiled at her. “Yeah, sure.”

It was a far cry from telling him she had feelings for him, but at least she was beginning to consider the possibility of actually saying something instead of keeping it all bottled up inside.

***

Nick and Brittany were laying on his hotel room bed watching reruns of Friends. It was a fairly relaxed evening, but after a long day of travelling, they weren't really up for anything more.

“God, I feel super weird watching this,” Brittany murmured, her eyes half closed as she laid her head on the pillow. “Cause like... we're in London for a wedding.”

Nick laughed. “Yeah, but I bet no one's going to say the wrong name,” he paused, and then looked at her with hope. “Do you think anyone will say the wrong name? Because that would make the ceremony a lot more interesting.”

Brittany rolled her eyes. She could never imagine something like that happening in real life, and definitely not to Danielle and Liam. “I really don't think so. They've been together forever. They're more like Chandler and Monica than Ross and Rachel if anything.”

“If they were Chandler and Monica, isn't the London wedding where they'd be hooking up for the first time?” he joked.

“You watch too much TV,” Brittany mumbled, closing her eyes.

Nick continued watching the program without saying anything in response to Brittany. He smiled at the familiar episode of the show and couldn't help but connect the situation the characters were in to his own.

So far, this entire trip had felt significantly less awkward than he had thought it would. Of course, they hadn't gone to the wedding yet, but the trip itself didn't seem weird at all. He felt comfortable around Brittany, just as he always did, but it was more than that.

Being here in London with her, when she was choosing him instead of going off to immediately see everyone in her old circle made him almost ecstatic. She hadn't just brought him as an accessory. It was true, she'd brought him so she wouldn't be alone, but she was also making an effort to spend time with him.

The more he thought about it, the more this trip seemed to be the perfect time to tell her how he felt about her. Even though the thought terrified him, he was beginning to reach the point where he had to say something. The excuse that he didn't want to ruin their friendship was no longer valid, as the feelings he was having were already beginning the jeopardize things between them.

“Britt,” he whispered, preparing himself to confess and looking down at her.

“Hmmm,” she murmured. She looked like she was nearly asleep.

He sighed, using the fact that she was obviously tired as an excuse to not say anything after all.

“Hey,” he said, shaking her awake.

She opened her eyes a little and looked up at him.

“Stop taking up my bed and go sleep in your own room,” he said with a slight laugh.

She sat up and stretched out. “Yeah,” she said, rubbing her eyes and grabbing her purse off the side table. “See you tomorrow, Nicky,” she grinned as she left.

“Night.” He didn't even bother correcting her on account of that awful nickname she always liked to use for him. Which was yet another sign that he was falling for her, hard.

He rolled onto his back and stared up at the ceiling before closing his eyes.

This was not a good situation for him to be in.

Brittany woke up to a knock on her door the next morning. She opened her eyes groggily and glanced at the clock.

6:30 in the morning. Who could possibly be at her door at 6:30 in the morning?

But the knocking persisted, so she grudgingly got out of bed and opened the door. She softened a little when she saw who was standing there before her, but she didn't say anything.

"Morning!" Danielle said brightly.

"Morning," Brittany mumbled, rubbing her eyes. She'd gone to bed early, but after spending a good portion of the night before travelling, she really just wanted to sleep in.

"I know it's early," Danielle said quickly. "But I don't have a lot of time, and I really wanted to see you while you're here. So can we go for a quick cup of coffee?"

Brittany nodded. Tired or not, she really did want to have some one on one time with her friend, and this was likely the only chance they would have for that.

"Yeah, come in for a sec and I'll get ready."

Danielle stepped into the room while Brittany gathered some clothes from her suitcase.

"What do you think of the hotel?" Danielle asked while Brittany stepped into the washroom to get dressed.

"It's nice," she said. "Really nice. You guys made a good choice."

Danielle nodded. "I think so. I can't wait until you see the reception hall. It's beautiful. Loads of space and it's going to be decorated really nicely."

"I can imagine," Brittany replied, checking her face in the mirror. She brushed her teeth and pulled her hair back into a half ponytail before opening the door. "Let's go."

Danielle and Brittany made their way to a tiny coffee shop that was located inside the hotel. They grabbed a couple of drinks (of which Brittany insisted on paying for) and sat down at one of the tables near a large window.

"So, the big day's tomorrow," Brittany grinned, looking at her friend. "Nervous?"

Danielle smiled, but shook her head. "You know, I'm really not. People always said we were practically married all this time anyway, so I guess now, we're just making it official."

Brittany nodded. She definitely agreed with that – ever since she'd known them, Danielle and Liam were always like a sweet, old married couple that had been together for years. While she wasn't sure she envied them, it would have been nice to be loved so unconditionally. "I can't imagine ever being married," Brittany mused.

Danielle laughed a little. "Well, you're sort of busy touring and doing the pop star thing, aren't you?"

"Yeah," Brittany nodded. "Really busy."

"I'm sure your time will come," Danielle said, taking a sip of her latte. "And one day you and I will be sitting here saying that we can't believe you're getting married."

Brittany shrugged. She wasn't so sure about that. She barely had time for a relationship, let alone a marriage. Plus, the boy sleeping upstairs that she had her eye on wasn't a fan of marriage to begin with. She shook her head and took a sip of her drink, to try and push the thought out of her mind. She hadn't even told Nick she had feelings for him yet, and here she was contemplating the fact that he never wanted to get married.

"What?" Danielle asked, eyeing Brittany. "You've got this weird look on your face."

"I don't know, I just don't really want to get married right now, and just... yeah I don't know," she blushed slightly, and stirred the foam in her cup.

Danielle grinned. "What, is there a certain marriage hating blonde boybander sleeping upstairs who you're thinking about?"

"I didn't say anything about Nick," Brittany replied flatly, giving Danielle a look.

Danielle just shrugged. "Does Nick really qualify as a boybander anymore? I thought Backstreet Boys broke up. I wasn't talking about him."

Brittany looked at Danielle with confusion until she realized exactly what her friend was getting at. "Ugh, no!" she exclaimed, shaking her head. "I'm definitely not thinking about him. Besides, I thought he wanted to get married?" she asked. Wasn't that part of the reason she'd broken up with him in the first place?

Danielle shrugged. "Maybe, but you'd never know it. This whole week leading up to the wedding he's been nothing but negative about the whole idea, saying how it'll never be him, and how Liam has to live it up while he still can."

"He's probably just jealous," Brittany mused.

"Probably," Danielle nodded in agreement. "But he's still pissing me off."

Brittany felt awkward talking about this, but now that they'd started, she felt the need to know everything. "Yeah, I get that. Why's he so upset anyway? Doesn't he have a girlfriend?"

Danielle shook her head. "He did for a while, but he broke up with her a few months ago."

"Hmmm..." Brittany said, staring out the window. When she'd told Danielle she hadn't been thinking about Niall at all, that hadn't been the complete truth. The entire trip was making her far too nostalgic. She was convinced that nostalgia was the only thing causing that fluttering feeling in her chest upon hearing that Niall didn't have a girlfriend anymore.

"Anyway," Danielle said, quickly changing the subject. "Speaking of blonde boys in your life, how's Nick doing?"

Brittany looked back over at Danielle. When she thought about Nick, she couldn't help but smile. That awkward feeling she'd had when she'd thought about Niall was instantly replaced with a warm and happy one. "He's good," she said quietly, unable to hide the smile on her face.

"It was nice of him to come with you," Danielle said, rising her eyebrows a little.

"Yeah, it was, considering he usually hates weddings."

"I guess he must have had a good reason to come to this one, then," Danielle said suggestively.

"Yeah," Brittany laughed, not picking up on the hint at all. "Maybe he's in love with you," she joked, thinking of her conversation with Nick about the Friends episode the night before.

"Or maybe he's in love with you," Danielle said quietly, giving Brittany a nod.

Brittany raised her eyebrow. There was no way that was possible. Nick didn't fall in love, and she'd never seen him spend more than a week at most with a girl. He just saw her as a friend. A close friend, a best friend, but a girlfriend?

"No way," Brittany said. "There's no way."

"He came all the way here to go with you to a wedding that he has no interest in attending. And yesterday when the three of us were talking, I saw the way he looked at you. Maybe he's not in love with you, but he definitely has feelings for you."

"Yeah, platonic ones," Brittany scoffed.

"I don't think so," Danielle said. "And you like him too, don't you?"

"I don't know," Brittany said slowly. Even though she did know, she just didn't quite want to admit it.

"Well," Danielle said, finishing her latte and standing up. "I'd really love to dig into the details of your relationship with Nick, but unfortunately I've got a million things to do today," she said with a sigh.

Brittany stood up to join her, and the two of them walked out of the restaurant and made their way back to the elevator. "See you at the wedding tomorrow," Danielle said with a grin. "Oh and Britt?" she said, before stepping off onto her floor.

"Hm?"

"Don't shy away from Nick just because you might be afraid of what happened with Nialler. Because I really think he does like you, and that you guys would be good together."

Brittany nodded, unsure of what to say to that. "Thanks, Dani. Good luck tomorrow."

She leaned back against the elevator wall as the doors closed again and thought about what Danielle had said to her. She wasn't even sure she wanted a relationship with Nick or that she'd have time for one. All she knew was that when she thought about the fact that there was even the slightest possibility, her stomach started to do flips.

She smiled to herself, stepping off the elevator and walking back towards her room. She still didn't know if Nick actually was attracted to her or not, but for the next little while she intended to watch him closely to try and figure it out.

***

Nick awoke to his cell phone buzzing on the bedside table.

He rolled over with a slight grumble, not particularly wanting to wake up yet. He hadn't managed to fall asleep until nearly three in the morning, and was looking forward to sleeping in.

But his phone continued to ring.

He sighed, sitting up and looking at the clock. It was nearly 11am. He supposed that was an adequate amount of time to sleep in and besides, he knew he had to be awake early the next day. He picked up his phone and looked at the caller ID.

AJ.

"Hi," he said groggily, holding the phone to his ear and rubbing his eyes a little. He glanced around the lavishly decorated room. He'd nearly forgotten about that part.

AJ's laughter rang through the receiver of the phone. "Dude, tell me you're not actually in London for that One Direction wedding."

"Uh," Nick said, feeling ridiculous talking about this with AJ. He hadn't told anyone he was going to be attending the wedding with Brittany. In fact, he'd hoped to keep that relatively quiet. Which was, of course, impossible. "How'd you know?" he asked, essentially admitting that he was there.

"It was on Perez Hilton that you're in London, and you know Ro reads that shit. So... what're you doing there? Did you miss the boyband thing so much that you decided to join their group?"

Even though he was well aware that AJ couldn't see him, Nick rolled his eyes. "Not in a million years," he said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

"So what're you doing there?"

Nick sighed. "Brittany got invited to it and I went with her," he muttered.

AJ was silent for a second and Nick just waited for whatever ribbing he was going to get on account of his confession. "Dude," AJ whistled. "You went all the way to the other side of the world to go to a wedding with her? And you still haven't slept with her yet? You better get on that... or I guess get in that," he laughed at his own bad joke.

"I'm trying," Nick muttered before he could stop himself.

"Wait," AJ said quickly, cutting him off. "Hold up. What happened to ‘I'm not trying to sleep with her.' like you say every other time?"

"I don't know," Nick admitted, getting up and pacing around the room. He walked over to the intricate lace curtains and played with them a little, studying the designs as he thought. "I just changed my mind, I guess."

"Well it took you long enough," AJ laughed. "And you've decided the best way to try and get into her pants is by going with her to London. Why not just wait until she gets back?"

"She didn't want to go alone," Nick said, playing it off as though he was doing her a favour. As though he wasn't being completely ridiculous and irrational.

Of course AJ saw right through him. "You mean you didn't want her to go alone and forget about you," he said. "Dude, I know you. Don't act like you were doing something nice for her when you're only there to make sure she doesn't fuck her ex-boyfriend."

Nick couldn't completely deny that. “She's not going to fuck him,” he said, pulling the curtains open a little and glancing out the window. “She hasn't even seen him. We haven't even seen anyone in that group since we've been here. We went out for food and went to sleep and that's fine with me. There's no way I want to hang around with a bunch of kids or her ex.”

“That's probably just as well,” AJ laughed, and Nick could practically hear him grinning through the phone. “He'd probably punch you or something for stealing her from him.”

“I could take him,” Nick said easily.

“Yeah, you could,” AJ agreed quickly. “Man, I wish I was there to see that. So when are you gonna make your move on her?” he asked, changing the subject back to Nick's obvious plan to get Brittany into bed.

“I'm not going to make a move on her,” Nick said with a sigh, walking away from the window and beginning to pace around the room.

“You've got to be kidding me.”

“No,” Nick said plainly, falling back into his bed and looking up at the ceiling. “I'm not a relationship kind of guy and she's my friend. I'm not going to fuck that up.”

“Nick,” AJ said seriously. “You've been friends with her for years. You don't talk to any girl for more than a week.”

“Yeah exactly,” Nick said. AJ was only proving his point. A relationship between him and Brittany wouldn't ever work.

“No,” AJ said. “You're not getting it. She's the only girl since Lauren that you've gotten close to.”

“I have to,” Nick retorted. “We work together.”

“Bull fucking shit!” AJ laughed. “You don't have to be that close to her, you just are. So stop being a pussy and make a fucking move. I don't care if you're not a relationship guy, you're pretty much in a relationship with her already.”

Nick didn't say anything. He couldn't argue with AJ – his friend wasn't completely wrong. But changing the status of his relationship with Brittany still terrified him. “Yeah, whatever. I gotta go get ready.”

“Have fun at the wedding,” AJ said with a laugh before hanging up.

Nick sat up and took in a deep breath. AJ's words still rung through his mind, and he couldn't deny them. He walked off to the bathroom to get ready for the day, thinking about how he wasn't sure he wanted to play the role of the boyfriend again.

Even if he basically already was.

Nick looked at himself in the mirror once he had finished showering and getting ready for the day. He replayed the events of the night before in his head. He'd been so close to telling Brittany that he loved her. What would that have accomplished? Even if AJ was convinced he was basically her boyfriend already, he wasn't the type of person to want to be in a relationship. He was sure that she would have just looked at him as though he was crazy.

Because really, he was.

Still, he tried to shake off all of his insecurities and doubts, determined to make their day in London together a good one. He'd been to the city many times before, but somehow this trip felt different. He wasn't there on tour, and he wasn't there to record.

He was just...there.

And he had to admit, though he hadn't originally wanted to come at all, it was sort of nice. Despite the fact that he felt uncomfortable as hell in the lavish hotel room.

There was even lace on the skirt of the bed. What the hell did he need that for?

He shook his head and left his room to go see if Brittany was awake.

When he knocked on her door, he ran a hand through his hair and put his hands in his pockets. He berated himself for feeling so awkward. It was just Brittany, she wasn't going to do anything to him. But his near confession from the night before had scared him, and though he knew Brittany wasn't aware of anything that was going on in his mind, he still felt different around her. He wasn't sure how to act.

But there was no time to dwell on it as she opened the door. “You're finally up,” she said brightly.

“Yeah,” Nick said, still standing awkwardly in the hall. “How long have you been up?”

Brittany shrugged. “Dani and I went for coffee at like... six.”

Nick gaped at her. “Six?! You could have woken me up earlier.”

She laughed. “It's fine. I even went out and did a little shopping on my own, since I know you wouldn't have wanted to do that,” she said, motioning towards the mound of shopping bags that sat on the floor.

“A little?” Nick raised his eyebrow.

“Well, you know, I haven't been here in a while... had to make the trip worth it,” she grinned, and walked back inside the room to grab her purse. “But I'm starving, let's go get something to eat.”

“Yeah, okay,” Nick said as they walked down the hall and got into the elevator. He glanced down at her. Her highlighted hair sat just below her shoulders, and with the angle he was standing, he could see down the top of her dress.

God, the things he wanted to do to her. Which, strangely, made him feel less awkward than thinking he might actually have feelings for her. And that realization, in turn, made him feel guilty. She was supposed to be his best friend, and here he was imagining all the naughty things they could be doing.

“Nick?”

“Huh?” He'd obviously zoned out.

“I said, where do you want to go for lunch?”

“Oh.” He didn't care where they went for lunch. Now that his mind was firmly in the gutter, he would have gladly ordered room service and stayed in the hotel room all day. “Uh, I don't know.”

“Okay...” she said, and the elevator doors opened. They stepped out into the posh lobby and walked out of the hotel. “Well,” Brittany said, glancing around as they walked down the street. “We could go to this deli I saw down the street.”

“That's fine,” Nick said, keeping his hands firmly in his pockets. Lunch was the last thing on his mind at the moment.

Brittany gave him an odd look. “What? You're being weird. Sorry there's no Chili's here but you're just going to have to deal.”

Nick rolled his eyes. “I can eat at other places.”

“Sure you can,” she winked at him.

“Oh come on, we went for Chinese yesterday.” Nick said with a laugh, putting his arm around Brittany under the guise of being playful. “And besides, I know you love Chili's.”

“I actually hate Chili's,” she said, looking up at him, but making no motion to push his arm off of her.

Nick raised his eyebrow. “You do not.”

“I do,” she grinned. “I'm never going to eat there again.”

Nick clasped his free hand to his chest. “I can't believe you just said that.”

Brittany laughed as the two of them reached the deli. She pulled out from under Nick's grasp and opened the door. “I guess I could go there again... for you.”

Nick wasn't sure, but it really seemed like she was flirting with him.

And he didn't mind that in the slightest.

***

For as many times as he'd been to London, Nick had never been on the London Eye. Naturally, when he'd told Brittany this, she'd insisted that the two of them go on it.

It was far more of a romantic setting than he would have liked, and once again, he was back to feeling awkward. It was starting to get dark, and through the glass they were able to see the lit up city against the clouded sky.

It really was a pretty sight, if Nick had appreciated that sort of thing.

“This isn't like your regular carnival ride, is it?” Nick laughed, as he peered out of one of the windows.

“No,” Brittany said, glancing at him and then looking back out the window. “I wouldn't even say it's a ride.”

“It's sort of like the Empire State Building. If it moved.” Nick mused.

Brittany scoffed. “This is way better than the Empire State Building.”

Nick gave her a look. “That's just because you hate New York.”

“Well, yeah,” Brittany replied, glancing at him and then looking back out of the glass. “The lights are pretty,” she sighed.

He looked down at her. She was just standing there, quietly taking in the sight of the city. He had to admit the lights were pretty. Had he been more of a hopeless romantic, he probably would have said something cheesy like “Not as pretty as you.”

Luckily, he wasn't that hopeless.

Well, not that hopelessly romantic, anyway.

“Have you been up here before?” he asked instead.

“Yeah,” she said softly, still looking out on to the city. “The first night I was in London we came up here.”

We. Nick tried his best not to seethe with jealously, knowing there wasn't much point. They weren't together anymore, Brittany didn't seem to want to be with him anymore. But the thought that she'd already been up there and seemed to be slightly comforted by the memory bothered him.

He had to remind himself that of course this trip was going to be nostalgic for her. It was only natural that being thrown back into this city and being around all of the people from her old life would have that effect.

He also knew that sometimes he tended to dwell on the little things too much.

But was it so bad that he wanted Brittany to love him the way that she seemed have loved Niall? It was. He knew it was, because it was selfish and he was terrible at committed relationships. But when he looked at her, he always forgot about all that. It was an ongoing battle he fought with himself.

Brittany stared out the window as Nick stood with her. She wondered if he was bored, but quickly dismissed the thought. She felt somewhat selfish in bringing Nick up here. She knew it wasn't something he'd be particularly interested in, but she felt it was something she needed to do.

Maybe it was the nostalgia factor, and that was definitely a part of it, because as she stood there, she very clearly remembered Niall wrapping his arms around her from behind and lightly kissing her on the cheek.

It had been a picture perfect moment, and it tugged at her heartstrings as she remembered it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Nick looking at her. She couldn't help but connect her memory with the present, and wish that Nick would be the one to put his arms around her.

But of course, he didn't. And though Brittany had spent the entire day looking for signs that Danielle was right, and that Nick did have feelings for her, she hadn't found much. Sure, he had stolen a couple glances in her direction, but that hardly meant anything. And he was seeming to zone out a little more than usual, but she attributed that to him being a bit jet-lagged.

“Come on,” she said, when the wheel stopped moving and they were once again on the ground. “Let's go back to the hotel. It's been a long day and it'll be an even longer one tomorrow.”

Nick nodded as he followed her. He still didn't know hat to do with his hands and he walked down the street. It was something of a long walk back to the hotel, but Nick didn't mind. He found himself to be content just being with her.

And then he, again, berated himself for what a lovesick teenager he felt like.

“Thanks for coming with me, Nick,” she said suddenly, looking up at him.

“Anytime, baby,” he grinned at her as they walked.

She shook her head at his cocky smirk and looked back out at the streets ahead. “London really is beautiful,” she said when they were stopped at a crosswalk.

“You're beautiful,” he said, turning to look at her. The line was cheesy as hell, and he was only half serious when he'd said it. He took her hand and kissed the top of it, giving her his signature half smile.

Brittany giggled a little, taken aback by what he'd said. But she gave him a proud smile, and didn't let go of his hand. Instead, she laced his fingers with hers as they continued to walk down the street. It was a small gesture, but her heart pounded in her chest as they did this.

Maybe Nick really did have feelings for her.

Or he was just being dorky, which was also possible. He tended to do that a lot. Still, she looked at their hands out of the corner of her eye and felt giddy all over again. He wasn't making any motion to let go.

That is, until they walked by the Starbucks beside the hotel.

“Brittany!” she head a voice call a couple seconds later.

She glanced back, and though she was sure she felt Nick's grip on her hand tighten, she pulled away so she could go greet Louis and Eleanor.

“Hi guys,” she said, smiling at them.

“I thought that was you,” Louis smiled. “It's nice to see you here, it's been a while.”

Brittany smiled at them, grateful for the familiar face and that they were being friendly to her. “Yeah, it has. Congratulations on your wedding, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Eleanor said as the four of them continued to walk in the direction of the hotel. “You guys are staying at The Dorchester, right?”

Brittany nodded. “Yeah, we are,” then she glanced over at Nick. “Oh sorry. Guys, this is Nick. Nick, Louis and Eleanor.”

They nodded at each other, albeit somewhat awkwardly. “So you guys are staying there too?” Brittany asked quickly, eager to get the conversation moving again.

Louis nodded. “Yeah. It's nice to make a mini vacation out of it.”

Brittany laughed a little. “Yeah, it has been a nice mini vacation.”

There wasn't much left to say after that, but thankfully the rest of the walk was short. They made their way into the hotel and into the elevator to go up to their respective rooms.

“Well, I guess we'll see you tomorrow, then,” Louis said with a smile as he and Eleanor exited onto their floor.

Brittany nodded at them. “See you tomorrow.”

“That was awkward,” Nick commented once the doors shut and the elevator was moving again.

Brittany shrugged. “There's not really much to say. The last time I talked to him I was leaving in an angry fit because I was mad at Niall.”

The elevator doors opened and the two of them made their way to their rooms. Nick glanced over at her. He'd been considering asking her to spend the night in his room, but now the moment between them was gone. Again, it wasn't the right time.

“I'm tired,” Brittany said with a yawn. “I was up so early, and tomorrow's going to be long. Good night, Nicky,” she grinned, opening the door to her room.

“Night,” he said, giving her a slight nod.

Tomorrow, he promised himself, he would tell her.

Brittany knocked on Nick's door just before noon the next day. She absentmindedly played with the charm on her necklace as waited for him to answer.

“Hey,” he said when the door opened. “You look nice.”

“Thanks,” she said, smoothing out her dress. It wasn't anything overly fancy, just a royal blue floral print and black heels. “You do too.”

Indeed he did. Nick wasn't one for getting dressed up, but of course for this occasion he sort of had to. And to Nick 'getting dressed up' meant putting on a white dress shirt, a pair of black pants and actually doing something with his hair.

“Shall we?” he asked, linking her arm with his.

That fluttery feeling Brittany had felt when they'd held hands the night before was back. They stayed that way until they got into the car that would take them to the church. She smiled to herself as she looked out the window. She was positively giddy. Even Nick looked happy, which was strange for him considering his aversion to weddings.

The ceremony was long. Nick and Brittany had chosen a spot close to the back of the church. Well, Brittany had chosen that spot and Nick had just gone along with her. Even though she knew she'd have to see everyone at the reception later, she really wanted to be able to make a quick getaway back to the hotel once the ceremony was over.

Plus, she didn't want Niall to see her from the front. Even though when he walked by during the processional, he glanced at her. They had an awkward moment of eye contact, and she looked down at her lap, trying to avoid watching him as he walked the rest of the way.

As much as she tried not to, she couldn't help but look at him during the ceremony. It was hard not to take notice of the proud look on his face, and the goofy grin he wore when he whispered something to Liam.

All of those things reminded her why she'd been in love with him. She honestly wasn't sure how she felt about that. Instinctively, she reached for Nick's hand during the ceremony and held onto it, as if to remind herself who she was there with.

Nick glanced over at her and gave her a small smile. He laced his fingers with hers and they stayed that way for the remainder of the service.

When it was all over, they were quick to get into a car and go back to the hotel. Nick leaned back in the leather seat undid the top button of his shirt. “That was so long,” he commented, stretching out a little. “This is why I never go to ceremonies. Just the receptions.”

“That, and you can drink at the reception,” Brittany reminded him.

“Yeah,” he laughed. “Someone should have a wedding ceremony with an open bar. If I ever got married, that's what I'd do.”

“And all of your guests would be drunk and rowdy while you said your vows,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes a little.

“I'd have to be drunk to say any vows,” Nick said, giving her a serious look. “Fuck.”

Brittany shook her head, but smiled all the same. She wondered if marriage was something that Nick would ever change his mind about. Given that he was thirty-six years old, it seemed doubtful. “It really was a beautiful ceremony, though. Dani and Liam looked so happy.”

“I guess,” Nick shrugged.

“I suppose they're going to do pictures now,” Brittany said with a smile, looking out the car window and ignoring Nick's passive attitude. “I wonder if they'll do any outside. Those pictures are going to be so nice. I can't wait to see them.”

“I hate that part,” Nick said. “It's so boring.”

Brittany laughed. “I guess. I'm sure if it was your own wedding it wouldn't feel boring. I've never really been in a wedding party before though.”

“I was a groomsman a couple times...” he trailed off. “Lauren was in AJ and Rochelle's wedding and I wasn't, and I had to just stand around while they took a bunch of pictures. It was boring as fuck.”

“Have you ever been to a wedding that you enjoyed?” Brittany asked him, somewhat amused by his annoyance.

“No,” he said bluntly.

“Not even the other guys' weddings?” she pressed.

Nick shrugged. “Brian's wedding was the most elaborate money suck I've ever been to. Kevin's was just boring... AJ's was weird, but fun. Howie's was pretty chill... actually Howie's was pretty fun,” he said, looking as though he was deep in thought. “Actually, it's kinda weird how the weddings represent the people who are in them.”

Brittany couldn't help but burst out laughing at that last remark. “Oh my God, Nick,” she giggled. “You're so bitter.”

“I'm not bitter,” he protested.

“You are,” she said with a nod. “You're so bitter. But it's okay, that's why I like you,” she smiled, leaning over and kissing him on the cheek.

She'd done it without thinking, and when she pulled away, she looked at him a little awkwardly. But if Nick thought that it was weird, he didn't say anything. Instead, he just gave her a half smile. “Aight,” he said, as the car stopped in front of the hotel. “Let's go order a pizza.”

“We're going to eat a huge dinner, Nick.”

“You really want to eat that fancy shit?” he asked, raising his eyebrow as they got out of the car.

Nick paid the driver, and though Brittany didn't say anything, she took notice of it. Before they'd left, he'd told her in no uncertain terms that the condition for him joining her was that she had to pay for everything.

They made their way back up to Nick's room. There were still a couple of hours to kill before they had to go downstairs for the reception, so they kicked their shoes off and flipped on the TV.

“So? Pizza?” Nick asked, picking up the phone. “I'm really hungry.”

Brittany shrugged. She had to admit, pizza did sound good, seeing as they'd skipped lunch. “Yeah, sure.”

She watched as Nick placed a room service order for a cheese pizza and smiled to herself. He was always so predictable. Especially when it came to his boring taste in pizza.

When he was done, he sat down beside her on the bed. The two of them relaxed for a bit, watching an old Seinfeld rerun that was on TV. “Excited for the reception?” Nick asked, after a little while.

“Oh yeah, totally,” she replied with sarcasm. “I don't even know who we're sitting with.”

“At least you know we won't be sitting with your ex,” Nick reasoned, cocking his head to the side a little.

“Yeah,” Brittany muttered. “We could be sitting with the other one, though,” she said with a sigh. She was quite sure that Danielle probably had sat her with the rest of the members of the group – the only other people she knew at the wedding.

“You have another ex here?” Nick raised his eyebrows.

Brittany rolled her eyes. Yes, she did, and he was decidedly worse than Niall was. “Yeah. One of the other guys in the group.”

Nick snorted. “Wow Brittany. Way to go.”

“Yeah, it was dumb,” she said with a laugh. “Either way, you're right, Niall will be sitting at the head table so it won't be so bad.”

“You nervous about seeing him?” he asked seriously.

Yes, she really was. Especially now that they'd had their little moment in the church. She'd done such a good job of avoiding him over the past couple of years, and now she was finally going to have to talk to him. She had no idea what she would say, as the last real interaction she'd had with him was storming out of their shared hotel room.

Now more than ever, she was thankful she'd brought Nick along with her.

“Sort of,” she said, looking up at Nick. “But I'm glad you'll be there with me.”

Nick took a deep breath. While she looked at him with sincerity, he was sure he saw something in her. They'd been flirting all day and she hadn't backed away from his attempts at testing the waters. His hand shook a little as he placed it down on the bed and leaned over to face Brittany. “Brittany, I-” he began, but was rudely interrupted by a knocking at the door.

“Oh,” Brittany said, hopping off the bed. “That's our pizza.”

Nick put his head in his hands and flopped down so that his head was in the pillow. He quickly sat up and forced a smile, but inside, he was screaming.

Whenever he was on the brink of spilling everything, something always interrupted them. He was beginning to think that he would never find the right time to tell her.

As Nick had predicted, the meal at the reception was, indeed, “Fancy shit.”

And as Brittany had predicted, they were seated at a table with Louis, Eleanor, Zayn, Harry and their dates for the evening.

Awkward was, without a doubt, the word of the day.

They made small talk at the table, but Nick and Brittany mostly kept to themselves, uttering a couple small comments about the food to each other as everyone talked over dinner. They didn't have much to say, and Brittany felt more out of place than ever. She knew that Danielle had seated her with people she knew so that she wouldn't feel that way, but quite frankly, she was beginning to feel as though she'd rather be sitting with strangers.

However, every time Nick made a small comment, whether under his breath or directly to her, she smiled. For what seemed like the millionth time that weekend, she really was grateful he was there with her.

The toasts and speeches were also somewhat awkward. Brittany tried her best to not pay much attention to Niall, but it was difficult when he gave his best man speech and kept looking at her. She took a deep breath, but there wasn't much she could do other than wait out the awkward few minutes. Nick must have picked up on it, because he placed his hand on top of hers in an effort to support her.

Other than that uncomfortable moment, everything else went off without a hitch. Danielle and Liam had their first dance, followed by the rest of the wedding party. The bar and the dance floor were opened up to everyone else, and everyone seemed to scatter.

Louis and Eleanor quickly went to join the others on the dance floor. Zayn and his girlfriend left to go talk to some of the other people. Harry his date left with them, but not before Harry gave Brittany a small eye roll. Which she easily ignored.

Brittany looked over at Nick. “So,” she said, “What should we do?”

“Drink,” Nick said bluntly. “Let's go drink.”

Brittany laughed, but was in completely agreement with him. They took turns going up to the bar and bringing back beverages. Nick had stuck with beer at first, but as Brittany started bringing him back girlier cocktails, he grinned and downed them, not really caring what anyone thought as he got drunker.

“Remember those fuckin' fin drinks on the cruise?” he laughed, playing with the little umbrella in his drink as they sat at their table. “They were dope. I want another one. I'd go on another cruise just for another one of those fins.”

“I'm sure we could make one. I even still have my fin cup,” she laughed. “We could find out what's like... in that drink and put it in the fin drink and pretend we're back on the cruise.”

“Oh man,” he laughed. “I can't believe you still have that cup. Fuck. That cruise feels like forever ago. I can't believe we went on that. I can't believe I dragged you on that shit!” he laughed a little, then turned slightly serious. “But thanks for coming with me.”

She smiled, chewing on the straw of her drink. “You're welcome.”

“I fuckin' mean it,” he said, putting his hand on her thigh. “You made that cruise worth going on. It was so awesome.”

She blushed a little, and electricity ran through her at his touch. “You saved me on that boat,” she said, in all seriousness. “You saved me from something that could have become so much worse. You're like, my Jack Dawson,” she giggled, amused by her own silly movie reference.

“Ha!” Nick laughed. “It's perfect. It's so perfect, because your middle name is Rose. I get it.”

“You never drew me naked though,” she laughed, looking at Nick. He really was a cute drunk. A close talking, touchy-feely drunk, but a cute one nonetheless.

He raised his eyebrow at her suggestively. “I could draw you naked,” he said, leaning in closer to her. “I'm a really good artist.”

Brittany took a deep breath, and suddenly felt scared by how close Nick was getting. She was torn between wishing for him to kiss her, and wanting to push him away. So, she lightly put her hand on his chest. “Hmm,” she said softly. “I could really use another drink.”

“Yeah,” he nodded furiously in agreement. “Me too. Maybe I'll see if they can make something like the fin,” he said, walking off.

Brittany sighed to herself and turned to face the table. She looked down at her hands. What was she getting herself into?

But before she had the chance to go over what was happening, someone else sat down next to her.

Niall.

“You look like you're having fun,” he commented, giving her a look.

She didn't quite know what to say to him and his attitude was already off putting, considering he hadn't even said hello.

Then again, he'd been good at doing things like that since their breakup. He hadn't really given her a chance to talk to the media either. He'd just replied to a few fans on twitter, telling them she'd broken up with him and gone on the Backstreet Boys cruise.

Just thinking about the drama he had caused, even though it was years in the past, made her angry with him all over again. Nevermind the fact that she'd sort of egged him on herself by commenting on his twitcam.

But she took a deep breath, determined to keep her cool around him. “I am, thanks.”

“Not surprising that you're with him,” he said with a sigh, nodding his head in Nick's direction.

Brittany glanced back at where Nick was standing. He wasn't paying them any attention, and appeared to be playing around with his phone. “Why?” she asked, but as soon as the question left her mouth she knew she was going to regret asking it.

“Come on Brittany,” he said knowingly. “Everyone's seen the pictures of you two together.”

Brittany rolled her eyes. Yes, the media did like to speculate that she and Nick were an item. And some time ago, they had made Niall out to be the innocent victim in all of it. There's no such thing as bad publicity, that much was true. Her following album and tours had sold well, but the drama was something she could have done without. “Uh huh, well you should know better than anyone not to trust what the media says.”

“He was all over you on that boat,” he said harshly. “Days after we broke up. Days.”

She sighed, feeling guilty for a moment, but then snapping back to remembering the reason she'd left him in the first place. “Nick and I aren't a thing. And you should talk. Remember why I left you? Because you fucked someone else,” she said, keeping her voice low, but firm.

“The whole world didn't know about that. But everyone saw you and Nick together. It was all over Perez Hilton and Twitter.”

Brittany could help but scoff at that. “Really? That makes it worse? The fact that you cheated on me, and the only people that knew about it were us and the people close to us, and you're mad because everyone on Twitter saw Nick and I together and thought you were the victim? Everyone felt sorry for you. You! And you were the one who screwed up. I never told anyone you cheated on me. You should be fucking thankful.”

Niall was taken aback a little by Brittany's words, but he didn't back down. She may have been right, but he still felt the need to maintain his pride. “Ironic then, isn't it?” he asked with a slight laugh.

“What?” she asked with annoyance, wishing he would just leave. Or that Nick would hurry it up with the drinks.

“You broke up with me for cheating on you, but you're here with him, the biggest womanizer on the planet.”

It took all Brittany had not to deck him. She wanted to scream at him that he didn't know Nick, and that even though he had a poor track record with women, he was a good person. That he was the best friend she'd ever had. That she felt closer to him than she had to anyone else. Instead, she gritted her teeth. “I already told you we're not together.”

“Yeah,” Niall said, raising his eyebrow. “Maybe not officially. But you pretty much are.”

Brittany had nothing to say to that, considering the feelings she'd been having for Nick lately. She took in a breath to find some kind of words, but nothing came out.

Luckily, Nick chose that time to reappear with their drinks.

“Hey Britt,” he said, wearing a cheerful smile as he glanced over at Niall. “It's not exactly the same as a fin, but it'll do.” He set the drinks down on the table, and rested his hand on Niall's shoulder. “Sorry I didn't get one for you, buddy, I didn't know you were going to be sitting over here.”

Niall jerked away from Nick's touch and stood up. “I was just leaving,” he said, standing up abruptly and exiting the hall.

Brittany took a large sip of her drink, furrowing her eyebrows in frustration. “It does sort of taste like the fin drink,” she commented.

“Yeah,” Nick said, sitting down. “What was that about?” he asked, pretending as though he hadn't heard the tail end of their conversation.

“Nothing,” Brittany said, playing with the straw. “We were just catching up.”

“Uh huh,” Nick replied, not buying that at all. “You know what, I've gotta go to the bathroom. I'll be right back,” he said, standing up to leave.

“Nick,” Brittany said, looking at him and having an idea of where he was really going. “Don't,” she pleaded.

Nick shrugged and gave her an innocent look. “I'm just going to the bathroom,” he said, before walking off.

He wasn't. He walked out of the room and went to stand at the end of the hallway. Wherever Niall had gone, he had to come back eventually.

And he did.

Niall glanced in Nick's direction, but he attempted to walk right past him. Nick, of course, had other plans.

“Hold on,” he said, tapping Niall on the arm. “I need to talk to you.”

Niall brushed him off. “I don't have anything to say to you.”

Nick shrugged. “Well I've got a few things to say to you.”

Niall rolled his eyes a little, but he stood there and looked at Nick, waiting for him to continue.

“You don't get to talk to Brittany like that,” Nick said seriously. “You have some nerve.”

“You don't know what happened between us,” Niall shot back. “You don't get to just show up and act like you know.”

Nick scoffed. “I do know what happened between you, and I don't care,” he said, giving him a look. “Actually, nevermind, I do care. I care because what you did to her what bullshit. It was fucking bullshit, and she deserves better.”

Niall raised his eyebrow. “What? You mean she deserves you? Aren't you the one always in the media, a different girl every night? Yeah, she dumped me for sleeping with someone else, but she'll gladly be with you.”

Nick gritted his teeth. He and Brittany weren't even together, and to hear everything that made him insecure about their potential relationship from her ex-boyfriend made him seethe with rage. “We're not together, but that's not the point. The point is, she's my best friend and I love her,” he spat. “I love her. You don't. Not anymore.” The words were out of Nick's mouth before he even realized what he was saying.

“I didn't say I loved her,” Niall retorted.

“Good,” Nick said. “You stay the fuck away. After what you did, you're lucky she still acknowledges your existence.”

And with that, Nick walked briskly back into the reception hall. He didn't care that Niall's infidelity wasn't the only reason for their breakup. He hated seeing the way that he'd been talking to Brittany, and moreover, he hated the way Niall had made him feel when he'd seen the two of them together.

Jealousy was a powerful instigator. And though Nick knew that Brittany didn't have any intention of getting back together with Niall, it still bothered him. He was selfish, and wanted her for his own. It should have been so simple. He didn't want anyone else, in that moment, he only wanted her.

He eyed Brittany standing by their table, talking to Danielle and Liam. She had a smile on her face and seemed to be happy about whatever they were saying. It was a far cry from the look of frustration that she'd worn when Niall had been talking to her. This was what Nick wanted to see – not that distant look she'd had earlier. This smile, and the way it lit up her whole face was one of the many reasons he found himself wanting her.

So, he walked straight over to them and tapped Brittany on the shoulder.

She turned around. “Hey,” she said with a grin.

In one swift movement, before he could psyche himself out of it, he leaned down and kissed her.

Brittany was taken aback by Nick kissing her so suddenly. She hadn't expected it, and now that it was happening she didn't know how to react. Shock was a good word to describe the situation.

His hands were firmly on her shoulders, but she didn't know what to do with her own. She just stood there, with his lips pressed against hers. They were softer than she'd expected them to be, and he tasted sweet. Probably on account of the drinks they'd had before. The kiss seemed like it lasted for hours, but in reality it was probably only a couple of seconds.

Nick pulled away and smiled at her. It was a look she'd never seen on his face before. His eyes were half-closed, and his expression was almost loving.

She nearly forgot that Danielle and Liam were standing right there.

“I knew you weren't going to the bathroom,” Brittany said to Nick, putting her hands on her hips and looking at him knowingly.

Nick didn't say anything, he just glanced over at Danielle and Liam.

“Nice to see you again, Nick,” Danielle said with a smirk. “Thanks for coming.”

“Yeah,” Nick replied, looking at Brittany out of the corner of his eye. “It was a really nice ceremony.”

Brittany had to stifle a laugh.

Danielle smiled. “Thank you.”

There was an awkward silence. Brittany bit her lip a little, not really knowing that to do. She was sure it was only awkward for herself and Nick – and maybe even only for herself because she was overthinking and her mind was going a million miles a minute. “Um, Nick,” she said quickly, looking in Liam's direction. “I don't think you guys have met yet actually. Nick... this is Liam. Yeah.”

The two men shook hands and greeted each other, while Brittany glanced at Danielle. Even though they hadn't seen each other in person for quite some time, it was easy enough for Brittany to convey what she was thinking through a look.

And that look read “I guess you were right.”

“I suppose we should go see some of the other guests,” Danielle said, putting her hand on Liam's shoulder. “Really, Brittany, thank you so much for coming,” she said, leaning in to her her friend. “I told you so,” she whispered into Brittany's ear as she leaned downwards.

“Thanks,” Brittany grinned. “Congratulations again, guys” she smiled, before they walked off.

Then she turned her attention to Nick.

Nick, who had his hands in his pockets. Who had a cocky smirk on his face, but managed to look sheepish at the same time. Nick, who had just kissed her, and who she found herself wanting desperately to kiss again.

“Drink?” he suggested, raising his eyebrows.

“No,” Brittany said, grabbing her clutch off the table. “No.” She took Nick by the hand and led him out of the reception hall and back into the hotel area. They walked briskly, until they were at the elevator. Brittany hit the button and waited impatiently for it to show up. She turned at looked at Nick.

She tried to take a deep breath. She wasn't even sure what to say to him or how to go about saying it. It was clear that he didn't either, given his silence. But of course, Brittany knew that serious conversations had never been his forte, and that dramatic entrances, such as random kisses were his thing.

The elevator doors opened and the two of them stepped inside. Brittany turned to look at Nick. “So...” she said softly.

But as soon as the door closed and the elevator started to move, Nick's lips were on hers again.

Brittany couldn't quite say she minded too much while Nick pressed her up against the wall. His kisses were firm, and his hands played with her hair. She sighed. He was a really good kisser. Almost too good.

“Mmph, Nick,” she said when they reached their floor. “We have to get off.”

He pulled away and gave her a cocky grin. “'Kay,” he said, taking her hand and pulling her towards his room. He let go of her hand to dig in his pocket for his room key. Brittany placed her hand on his arm and thumbed the material of his white dress shirt. Her heart pounded in her chest.

It was hard for her to believe that this was actually about to happen. She couldn't even count the number of times she'd imagined it in her head. She'd wondered if he was a good kisser (which she knew now, the answer was definitely yes), if he was a good lover, what his body would feel like against her own.

She almost shivered just thinking about it.

Nick opened the door and stepped inside, with Brittany following right behind. The door slammed behind them, but neither of them paid it any attention. Instead, Nick tossed the key onto the table and kicked his shoes off. He laid down on the bed, motioning with his hands for Brittany to join him.

As she started to sober up she began to feel nervous. Still, she took off her own shoes and crawled on top of him. As she let him wrap his arms around her, she leaned down and touched his lips to hers again. They kissed softly at first, but as the minutes passed by, their kisses got more heated and frantic.

Nick's hands were all over her back, and as he moved to unzip her dress, Brittany felt a pang of nervousness once again. It was bad this time, and she almost wanted him to stop.

She didn't though, pushing forward. Nick and her had been friends for so long, it was only natural that this was going to feel awkward, wasn't it?

She took in a sharp breath as Nick's hands touched her bare skin.

“Relax baby,” Nick soothed in between their kisses. “It's just me.”

Yes, it was just him. Her best friend in the entire world. She pulled away from him slightly at the realization of this, but the alcohol clouded her better judgement. For the past year, all she'd thought about was Nick, and how much she was sure she was in love with him, and how much she wanted him for her own.

Now, she wasn't so sure it was Nick who she wanted.

She breathed heavily, looking down at him and placing her hands firmly on his chest. She gulped a little, wanting to go through with this despite the doubt in her mind. She tugged at the collar of his shirt, undoing the buttons of it slowly.

“Here,” Nick said softly, placing his hands on her wrists and stopping her. “Let me do that.”

Brittany sat up as she watched Nick finish unbuttoning his shirt. He sat up and shrugged out of it, letting it fall behind him. Nick took his hand and touched her chest lightly, before pulling Brittany's dress over her head and tossing it onto the ground.

Brittany took a deep breath as she looked at the man in front of her. She'd seen Nick without a shirt on plenty of times before, but never in this context. Never when his skin was so close to her own and certainly never with the intention of seeing a lot more.

She wrapped her legs around his waist as he pulled her in closer to himself. She leaned in to kiss him again, slowly at first. She parted her lips and allowed his tongue to explore her mouth.

Nick bucked his hips upwards and Brittany clung to him tighter, feeling his erection through his pants. She moaned against his mouth and Nick pulled away slightly.

“You like that, baby?” he asked seductively.

She just nodded, pushing him down on the bed and moving to take his pants off. Again, she struggled with it, her mind going back to the place that reminded her that this was Nick and what they were about to do would be crossing a very big line.

Nick took note of her nervousness, just as he had before and shuffled out of his pants himself, pushing them onto the floor beside the bed.

“Nick,” Brittany said softly, looking at him. “Did you bring...?”

“Oh,” Nick said, kissing her quickly before going over to his suitcase. “Yeah.” He hadn't entirely planned on this happening with her during their trip, but he'd erred on the side of caution just in case.

He retrieved a condom from one of the pockets on his suitcase and placed it on the side table before crawling back onto the bed. “Are you sure you wanna do this?” he breathed, looking at her.

Brittany looked at him and took a deep breath. If she wanted to stop before things were completely changed between them, now would be the time.

Nick was kneeling overtop of her, poised on his hands, ready to drop and kiss her and make love to her. Yet, the only thing she found herself able to think about was the way her ex-boyfriend had looked at her hours ago, when he was giving his best man speech. When he'd been talking about true love and finding that one person, and how Danielle and Liam had found each other and were so, so lucky.

And at one point, Brittany had felt just as lucky as they had. When his blue eyes had connected with hers, she remembered what it was like to kiss him, and how the first time she'd slept with him, it didn't feel like this. The first time she'd been with him, her thoughts were only consumed with how much she loved him, and how right it was.

Not how she wished she was with someone else.

Nick gave her a look, watching as she breathed heavily. She neglected to close the space in between the two of them, and she had yet to give him the right of way to do it himself. Her face looked nervous, sad, and not at all what he'd expected for this to be.

It was easy for him to tell that she didn't want this to happen, but she wasn't going to say anything about it. So, Nick leaned over, kissed her cheek and laid down on the bed.

“What...” Brittany trailed off, looking at him as he pulled the covers over himself.

“Come here,” Nick said softly, motioning for her to join him under the blankets.

She did, snuggling close up to him. She could feel his heart beating rapidly in his chest, and wondered just how badly he had wanted this, and how hard it had been for him to stop. Guilt washed over her. Here was this perfect man who intuitively knew exactly what she was thinking, and yet, she didn't love him.

“I'm sorry,” she said quietly, closing her eyes.

“Don't be,” Nick said, wrapping his arm around her, thankful that they'd never bothered to turn on any lights in the room. “It would have changed everything.”

She looked up at him, grateful that he seemingly understood. “Thanks,” she mumbled, leaning in to hug him again. “Can I just... stay here with you tonight?”

“Yeah,” he said, taking a deep breath. He was tired anyway. It had been a long draining day both psychically and emotionally.

She sighed as she laid close to her best friend. If nothing else, they still had that.

Nick held on to her, looking up at the ceiling as she drifted off to sleep. Truth be told, he was somewhat relieved. Sure, he'd had feelings of love for her in the past few months, but romantic love? Could he honestly say now that he was laying next to her, that he was in love with her?

No, he couldn't at all.

Had he slept with Brittany, they would have needed to have a conversation afterwards, and they'd have changed their relationship forever. They probably would have had to redefine it, and at some point down the road, though Nick didn't like to admit it, it probably would have ended.

He glanced down at her and smiled sadly to himself.

Over the course of the day, he'd learned two things. The first was that whatever affection they'd had for each other had been confused with strong feelings of friendship, and nothing more.

The second being that Brittany was clearly still in love with Niall.

When Brittany opened her eyes the next morning, Nick was already awake.

In fact, he was more than just awake. He seemed to already have showered, packed, and was ready to go.

“Morning,” she said awkwardly, rubbing her eyes slightly.

“Morning.”

There was a thick silence in the room for a moment. Brittany didn't really know what to say to him. She'd been somewhat drunk the night before, running high on alcohol and whatever emotions she'd been dealing with. The frustration of talking to Niall again, the shock of Nick kissing her...

“Nick,” she said looking at him, not really knowing what to say. Because really, what do you say to your best friend who came on to you, and you made out with, but then ultimately shot down?

“Yeah?” He waited for her to continue.

She gave him a look. “About last night,” she began, looking off to the side.

“We don't need to talk about that,” he shrugged, going back to folding his clothes and putting them in his suitcase.

“We do,” she pressed. Nick's inability to ever talk about anything serious wasn't usually a problem, but right now it definitely was. “I just think-”

But Nick turned to her and held up his hand. “There's nothing to talk about. We both had too much to drink and tricked ourselves into thinking something should happen between us when it shouldn't. Right?”

Brittany nodded. Yes, she felt that's exactly what it was. As soon as she'd kissed Nick, she'd known that any feelings she'd had for him were strictly platonic. “Yeah,” she nodded. “You're right.”

“I'm always right,” he said with a grin, zipping up his suitcase.

She rolled her eyes a little at his cocky remark. Still, she was somewhat surprised by the fact that he'd been able to describe their situation so easily, and maturely. “How'd you get to be so smart about this stuff?”

Nick raised his eyebrow. “I am thirteen years older than you.”

Brittany nodded a little. She always seemed to forget that small fact. She still wasn't sure why. Maybe it was because she liked to think they met in the middle, maturity wise. But today, their age difference was apparent more than ever.

Brittany looked at the alarm clock on the table. She figured she'd better get moving since they had a plane to catch and all. “I guess I'm going to go back to my room and have a shower and pack and stuff,” she said, getting up to leave.

Before she exited the room, however, she leaned over to Nick and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you,” she said with a small smile.

He didn't need any explanation as she walked out of the room. He understood perfectly – they were friends and they'd made a mistake, just as he'd told her.

He instinctively rubbed the left side of his chest a little. He still felt a little sad and rejected that it hadn't worked out in the way he'd wanted – but this was probably better. Their relationship would only become stronger because of it.

***

Brittany wheeled her suitcase down to the front desk to check out of the two hotel rooms. Nick had gone off in search of tea to get him through the long day ahead of them, so she stood waiting for the clerk to finish printing everything up.

She leaned her arms on the cool tile and sighed a little, looking around. All things considered, she was happy she'd come on the trip. It had been weird, but at least it had served to get a lot of things sorted out. Both good and bad.

Speaking of bad, her eyes fell on Niall as he walked through the lobby. Despite her drunken thoughts and feelings surrounding him, having a conversation with him wasn't her top priority at the moment. She swiftly turned back around, hoping he wouldn't notice her, but of course he did.

“Hi,” he said, leaning up against the marble.

“Hi,” she said, somewhat irritably. He was the last person she wanted to see right before she left. Though, she had to admit, that even though he'd probably had a late night of partying, he looked good. His fake blonde hair still had the same flip to it that it had had so many years ago.

She shifted a little awkwardly, which was different than the way he'd carried himself the night before. Though she was still annoyed with him, she decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. He'd probably been drunk, and she was in no position to judge anyone for their dumb, drunken decisions.

“You weren't in your hotel room last night,” he said. It wasn't really accusatory, but it bothered Brittany all the same.

“No I wasn't,” she said shortly. “What were you doing up there anyway?”

“I came to apologize for getting upset with you,” he said sincerely.

Inside, she felt overwhelmed by his soft tone and look. Outwardly, she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of forgiveness so easily. “What?” she asked. “Did Liam help you see the error of your ways?”

“No,” he shrugged. “I came to it on my own.”

She was sure he was lying, because she'd never known him to ever come to any logical conclusion about his thoughts and actions on his own. Someone always had to coerce it out of him. “Right,” she said, taking the papers from the clerk and grabbing the handle of her suitcase. “Well, thanks.”

He looked at her for a moment, and for the first time, she couldn't really tell what he was thinking. It was like she didn't know him at all anymore, and the thought saddened her. This whole trip had been oddly nostalgic for a variety of reasons, and this interaction she was having with Niall was the icing on the cake, so to speak.

“It was really nice seeing you again,” he said. “You look really happy with him.”

“I'm not with him,” she said quietly, looking at the ground. Of course now, she was replaying all of those events in her mind once again. She didn't think she'd ever forget the feeling of Nick's lips touching hers, and honestly, she really wanted to.

“Well, whatever you are it seems like he's good for you,” he said. “Where is he anyway?”

Brittany shrugged. “He went to find tea or something.”

Niall just nodded and inched a little closer to her.

Brittany's felt her heart speed up in her chest a little. For a second, she was worried he was going to kiss her.

But he didn't. Instead, he went in for a hug, and she accepted, wrapping her arms lightly around him for a couple of seconds. “Have a safe flight home, Britt Britt.”

She smiled at his use of her old nickname. “Thanks, Nialler.”

***

“That's £2.70.”

Nick fumbled around in his wallet. He hated paying for stuff in Europe – he never quite got the hang of using a different currency, despite the amount of time he'd spent there. He used to always make Kevin pay for him. And it usually worked.

“I've got it.”

Nick looked up from his money expedition and raised his eyebrow as Niall paid for his drink. “Thanks,” he said, taking his paper cup off the bar. Nick contemplated taking the lid off and splashing it in Niall's face, but he decided against it. The kid had just paid for it, after all.

That, and Nick really wanted to drink it.

So he took a sip and eyed Niall. He must have come over there with a reason. Probably to try and make peace. He sort of hated how much this guy was beginning to remind him of his younger self.

“I just wanted to say, you should take good care of her,” he said awkwardly, putting his hands in his pockets.

Nick gave him a look. That was it? He was making it hard for Nick to come up with an excuse to punch him. “Brittany doesn't need anyone to take care of her,” he said shortly, even though he didn't feel like that was entirely true. “But I will.”

Niall just nodded. “Right,” he said, looking at the ground and shuffling his feel. “Well, I'll be off then.”

And Nick just watched him walk away. Back to his hotel room or wherever he was going. He shook his head and took another sip of his drink. That had been weird – he couldn't understand why Niall would want to make peace with him.

But he shrugged it off, and walked through the hallways of the hotel, eager to get back to the lobby, back to Brittany, and eventually, back to the states.

“Hey,” he said, walking up to her and grabbing the handle of his suitcase that he'd left there.

“Hey,” she smiled. “Did you find your African Rooibos?” she laughed, rolling the 'R' in the word as if to mock his exotic taste in tea.

Nick scrunched up his nose a little as he looked at his cup. “No,” he said with slight disappointment. “They had some weird tea latte thing. It's...weird.”

She shook her head a little, but still smiled up at him. It had been a weird weekend, there was no doubt about that, but she was thankful that through it all, she'd maintained her friendship with Nick. At least now, they'd jumped that awkward emotional hurdle and things could go back to normal. “I'm sure they'll have it at the Starbucks in LAX.”

“They will,” Nick said seriously.

“Ready to go back?” she asked, beginning to wheel her suitcase towards the front doors.

Nick left out a sigh of relief. He'd never been more ready to leave London in his life. “Hell yes.”

Part IV – New York State of Mind
December 2018

“So you're just going to ditch me?” Brittany asked incredulously as she looked up at Nick.

“It's not ditching,” he said, raising his eyebrow. “I just have other stuff I need to do. My own stuff. I can't go with you.”

Brittany glanced around to make sure no one in the busy LA restaurant was watching them. No one was. Everyone was busy with their own business and couldn't be bothered to pay attention to the two of them. That was the nice thing about LA – no one paid her any attention. She might have been a celebrity – but in LA she was just one of many.

“But Nick,” she protested, leaning over the table and giving him a look. “You promised.”

“Yeah I know,” Nick sighed, taking a sip of his water. “But I'm telling you now that I can't go. You'll just have to go do it alone.”

“I don't want to,” she muttered.

“Well we don't always get what we want, do we?” he asked with annoyance. He'd known she was going to be upset when he'd found out he'd double booked himself, but he figured she could live with going to New York alone for two days.

“I usually do actually,” she said with a slight smirk.

“Well you don't this time,” he said plainly, and she pouted again. “It's two days. You'll perform some lame Christmas song at Radio City and you'll be back. I promise you can do it without me.”

Brittany slouched down in her seat. She really wasn't looking forward to any of this. The only reason she'd agreed to sing at the concert was because she was sure Nick was going to go on the trip with her.

“Sorry,” he said with a shrug. He wasn't overly sorry, but he still felt a little guilty. That, and he had his own problems to worry about. He knew Brittany hated New York, but that wasn't his top concern at the moment.

“Whatever,” she said, shrugging her shoulders a little. “It'll be fine.”

Nick nodded to himself and took a sip of his water. “Yeah, you're right,” he said. “It'll be fine.”

Brittany was silent for a couple of minutes while she picked at the food in front of her. She didn't understand how Nick didn't know he wouldn't have been able to go with her to New York until literally the day before, but she didn't press it. She could tell he was already annoyed, and she didn't want to piss him off further. “But... we're still going to have Christmas at your place, right?” she asked cautiously, wanting to make sure that whatever he was doing wasn't going to impact their holiday tradition.

“Oh yeah,” he nodded. “Of course. I'll be at the house in Malibu before you will. Just head over there when you're back and we'll do the usual.”

“Okay,” she said, still eyeing him. That made her even more curious as to what he was up to. She really wanted to ask, but he wasn't volunteering the information, and usually when he was secretive about something he liked to keep it that way.

He was such a closed off person, and it bothered her sometimes. She was very much the same way, but Nick was far more than she ever had been. It was easy to pry information out of her, but getting him to talk about something he didn't want to? Impossible.

For that reason, she was glad they'd never ended up dating. It would have driven her crazy to never know what he was thinking.

“So did you get me a Christmas present?” she asked him, changing the subject to lighter fare.

“No,” Nick said as though it were obvious. “Do I ever buy you a Christmas present? I can't even remember the last time I bought one for anyone,” he laughed.

“I got you a present,” she said with a smirk.

“No you didn't,” Nick said knowingly. He and Brittany had never exchanged gifts. If they were ever going to, the time would have been when they were head over heels for each other – not now that they'd established they were better off as friends.

“I actually did,” she said with a nod.

“I'm still not getting you one,” he shrugged, not caring to get stuck in whatever game Brittany was playing with him to distract herself from how much she didn't want to go to New York on her own.

Brittany just laughed to herself as she pulled out her phone to answer a text message. Nick watched as she looked down at the screen, annoyance apparent on her face.

“Who's bugging you now? Tell him that he's gotta go through me to get to you.”

Brittany just rolled her eyes as she continued to text. “No one's bugging me. I'm just texting Danielle, and telling her that no, my best friend isn't coming with me to New York, because he's got stuff to do.”

“I do,” Nick said, giving her a look. “Important stuff.”

“Right,” Brittany nodded. “And maybe that important stuff will include buying me a Christmas present?”

“I doubt it,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Especially since you're giving me that little attitude.”

“Wow,” Brittany replied, looking up from her phone. “Someone's snippy today.”

“I am not,” Nick responded, shaking his head and concentrating on his food again. “Anyway, in three days we'll be at my place doing our Christmas thing and we won't have to worry about all this stuff.”

Brittany eyed him, wondering exactly what he meant by “All this stuff,” but she didn't say anything. “Yeah,” she mumbled, putting her phone back into her purse and picking up her fork to finish off her lunch. “You're right.”

***

Niall had exited a Starbucks near Times Square when he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He glanced around, buttoning up his coat and transferring his paper coffee cup to his other hand before stopping to find out who was texting him.

Danielle Peazer: are you in nyc yet?

He raised his eyebrow. He was sure he'd told Danielle and Liam that he'd be gone to New York for a little while to visit his family who lived there. He wondered if Danielle wanted to make plans with him or something of the sort before Christmas rolled around, but as it was December 21st it was a little late for that.

Niall Horan: yea i got here yesterday. I'll be back in London on the 30th. Why?

He put his phone back in his pocket and crossed the street, intending to just ignore the rest of her texts until he got back to his hotel. Instead, his phone vibrated multiple times, indicating he an incoming call.

Ducking out of the way of the passerbys on the street, he leaned up against a wall and pulled his phone out of his pocket again. He shook his head a bit, wondering what was so pressing that Danielle was calling him.

“Yeah?” he said, pressing the answer button and holding the phone to his ear. He took a sip of his coffee as he glanced around the busy intersection. There were lit up billboards everywhere, and everything was covered with Christmas decorations.

Despite the lack of snow, it was obvious that it was late December.

“What hotel are you staying at?” Danielle asked, not even bothering to greet him.

“Uh, Greenwhich,” he said awkwardly. Why Danielle needed this information, he had no idea. “That's where I usually stay.”

“Right,” Danielle said quickly, as if she was trying to get to something important. “You know who else usually stays there? Who's going to be there when you are?”

Niall rolled his eyes. So that was the reason she was calling. “Yeah, if you're going to say Brittany, I already knew that. I'm looking at a Billboard with her on it right now.”

“Yeah,” Danielle said quickly. “But if you two are staying in the same place, maybe you should ask her if she wants to go for coffee. She's in a real crap mood about having to go there alone...”

Niall sighed. He hadn't seen Brittany at all since she'd been in London for Danielle and Liam's wedding, and he'd been trying his best not to think about her. “What makes you think that'd be a good idea?”

Danielle huffed. “Because I'm sure it'd be nice for her to see someone familiar. You know she hates it there, and she's really upset about having to go alone.”

“I'm sure she'll be fine,” Niall said, looking up at the ever-changing billboard advertising the concert Brittany was going to be performing in. It grated on his nerves a little that she was so much more famous than he was. Especially when he was the reason her career had taken off in the first place.

“Yes, I'm sure she'll be fine too, but I think it'd be nice for you to just go say hello. What's the harm in that? The last time you two saw each other, you left it on a good note, didn't you?”

“What, at your wedding?” Niall asked in disbelief.

“Yeah!”

“Danielle,” Niall said seriously, lowering his voice a little. It was a force of habit, not that anyone who was walking by even noticed who he was or cared to listen in on his conversation. “Do you not remember what happened that night? I got drunk and told her off, then I went up to her room to beg for forgiveness and for her to take me back.”

“Well, yeah,” Danielle said with annoyance. “But that was years ago. Besides, she doesn't know you went to try and get her back. I never told her that. She told me afterwards that it had been nice to see you again.”

Niall scoffed. “Yeah, I'm sure she said that.”

“She did! I mean, she told me that you had words, but that it was alright the next morning. If she was still annoyed with you, she would have told me. Believe me, she would have. She doesn't hate you or anything. I don't think there's any harm in asking her for coffee while she's there. Besides, if you're staying in the same place, you might run into each other anyway.”

Niall contemplated that for a moment. Danielle was right – they had left London on a good note, and he sort of did want to see her again. She had a point – it was possible they were going to run into each other in the hotel anyway.

“Yeah, maybe,” Niall said finally. “If we run into each other, I'll say hello, but that's it.”

“Oh, you're so stubborn,” Danielle said with a laugh. “It's not a big deal. Just go out for coffee or drinks as old friends do. It always cheers me up to see an old friend.”

“Yeah,” Niall replied, glancing up at the billboard again. Maybe after seeing Brittany he would feel differently, but lately whenever he thought about her he felt anything but cheered up.

If there was one place in the world Brittany hated, it was New York City.

Of course being a celebrity, she found herself there quite a lot. It was usually okay when she was on tour – she was always around a lot of people and had too much on the go to worry about being in the city. Other times, like when she was doing promotional work, Nick opted to go with her.

This was one of the first times she was going to be there by herself. It bothered her, but she was convinced it was going to be okay. It was only for two days – and both of those days she had things to do. She had a rehearsal for the concert that afternoon, and the following evening was her performance.

Even though she had the evening to herself, she was she she'd be far too busy to concentrate on the fact that she was alone in New York so close to Christmas. She couldn't help but feel annoyed with Nick for leaving her in such a situation, but she figured it had to have been important. He'd said as much anyway.

She checked into her usual hotel in New York and promptly went up to her room to drop off her luggage. She glanced around the room before getting changed. She glanced at the clock and decided she had just enough time to stop for a coffee before heading down for the afternoon rehearsal.

After a quick look in the mirror to make sure her make-up was okay, she grabbed her purse and headed out the door.

There was a small coffee shop in the lobby of the hotel, which was one of the things she'd always liked about that particular place. It meant she didn't have to go through the trouble of finding a Starbucks – her caffeine fix was always right there.

She walked into the small kiosk and looked up at the menu as she waited in the line. Whatever the people in front of her were ordering must have been complicated. Brittany felt like she was standing there forever and she was beginning to get impatient.

That is until she felt a tap on her shoulder.

She spun around quickly, not having time to mentally go through the list of people she didn't want to run into who she knew in New York. It was mostly family members, but the person standing before her definitely didn't fit into that category.

Which was awkward, because at one point in her life he certainly had.

“Hey,” she said, trying to keep her cool in front of Niall. She wasn't even sure why his presence bothered her or startled her any. The last time they'd seen each other they'd left things nicely enough. She just had no idea what he was doing in New York. “Kind of a weird place for you to be so close to Christmas,” she said lightly.

“Yeah,” he shrugged. “I'm here visiting my cousins.”

Brittany just nodded. She didn't really know what to say to him, and she wished the line would get moving so she could also get moving. Although she had to admit, it was nice to have someone to talk to for however a brief moment.

“What're you doing here?” he asked her, cocking his head to the side a little. Obviously he knew about the concert, but he saw no other way to make any sort of conversation with her.

“I'm performing in that Radio City thing tomorrow night,” she said as the line moved a little.

“Oh yeah, right,” he said, playing it off as though he hadn't seen all of the advertisements littering the city. “That's cool.”

She just nodded, glancing around. “So this is still your regular hotel?” she asked, smirking a little.

“Yeah,” he said. “I like it, there's the coffee here and it's close to everything.”

“You just like the restaurant in here,” Brittany said with a slight laugh, giving him a knowing look. There were a few times she'd stayed in that hotel with him – particularly the first time they'd gone to New York together that he'd insisted on eating there.

He shrugged a little and grinned at her. “You can't deny that it's a good restaurant.”

No, she couldn't. “Yeah, it is.”

“If you're not busy later we could eat there,” he said casually, putting his hands in his pockets. He hadn't even intended to ask – even though Danielle had instructed him to do so. It just seemed like the thing to do, given that they were talking about it and all.

“Uh,” Brittany said just as she walked up to the till. She glanced at Niall quickly and ordered her coffee, all the while mulling it over in her head. She didn't really want to spend time in her room alone, and she figured it'd be nice to have dinner with him, if nothing else.

She looked back over at Niall once she was done ordering her drink and softened a little. It was easy enough to talk to him while she was standing there in line, but she wasn't sure what she'd say to him for a couple of hours over dinner.

But she really did want to keep talking to him. His presence alone was already beginning to make her feel more comfortable in this city that she despised so much.

“Sure,” she said with a nod, smiling slightly. “That'd be nice.” She picked up her coffee off the counter and looked up at him. “I've got to go over to my rehearsal now, but can I text you when I'm back?”

“Yeah, sure,” he said, pulling out his phone. “You probably don't have my new number, I'll give it to you.”

The two of them walked off to the side of the store and Brittany set her drink down as they exchanged their numbers. She couldn't help but laugh a little to herself, thinking how awkward this all should have been and yet it wasn't really awkward at all.

“I'll see you later,” she said, putting her phone back into her purse and picking up her coffee.

“Yeah, see you.”

She exited the hotel and walked down the street with a smile on her face. It was strange to think that she actually had something to look forward to that evening, but she couldn't deny that at the very least it was helping to take her mind off of things.

***

“I just need to take my mind off of it,” Nick said as he and Kevin walked down the streets of LA, looking for somewhere to eat breakfast.

“Nick, come on,” Kevin said, giving his friend a look. “If you don't talk about it, it'll just eat at you. I know how you are.”

“What's there to talk about, Kev?” Nick asked with annoyance. He took a deep breath and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger. It was rare that he was awake this early, but so close to Christmas it was the only time he'd been able to get in for a doctor's appointment. “My heart's fucked up. It's always been fucked up. There's nothing we can do about it.”

“Nick,” Kevin said slowly. “I'm sorry that you're having such a hard time -”

“Don't,” Nick said sharply. “Just don't. It's not you who has all these problems and chest pains all the time. It's not you who brought this on himself by doing too much fucking cocaine. So don't try to act all fatherly and shit when you have no idea what it's like.”

“Sorry,” Kevin said sincerely, knowing to back off when Nick just needed to blow off steam.

“It's just bullshit,” Nick said, shaking his head and looking at the ground. He'd given up on finding somewhere to eat and had just kept walking. “I'm not that guy any more. I'm not a fuck up and this is still happening. Like I'm going to be paying for it forever.”

Kevin just shrugged. “It isn't a punishment, Nick.”

Nick scoffed. “Sure feels like it.”

“It isn't. The past is in the past, but it makes us who we are. If you hadn't experienced those things, you wouldn't be the man you are today.”

Nick raised his eyebrow as he looked over at Kevin. He hated how even though he had told Kevin he didn't want to talk about it, Kevin had managed to get him to spill his guts anyway. As Kevin usually had a way of doing just by his presence. “I guess,” he muttered. “I just don't want to deal with these health problems and shit any more.”

“It's not a big deal, Nick,” Kevin stressed. “You're going to be fine. You already knew you had a weakened heart, you just need to work a bit harder to stay healthy.”

“Yeah,” Nick said shaking his head. “Great, right before Christmas when I'm going to eat a bunch of pizza and Chinese food.”

“So maybe you don't do that this year,” Kevin suggested, as though it was completely obvious.

“It's our tradition.”

Kevin sighed. “Is it? Or is it just tradition that you guys spend Christmas at your place in Malibu? I'm sure if you just tell Brittany -”

“I'm not going to tell Brittany,” Nick cut Kevin off. He sharply turned into a restaurant, deciding that he really could go for something to eat. Even if it was just a fruit salad or something that was deemed healthy.

“What?” Kevin asked, following him into the restaurant. The two of them sat down at a table near the window and glanced at each other. Nick fiddled a little with the menu as Kevin eyed him. “Why not? I thought you guys were close?”

“We are,” Nick stressed. “But I'm not going to tell her. I don't want to stress her out, our Christmases are usually fun and I'm not going to ruin it by telling her I'm having fucking heart problems again,” he said, passing the menu over to Kevin. “It's not like she'd care anyway,” he muttered.

Kevin gave him a look. Nick had a tendency to fall into a spiral of self-loathing when he got news he didn't like, and he projected it onto everyone and everything else except for the matter at hand. “I'm sure that's not true.”

Nick shrugged. He knew that Kevin was probably right, but he didn't feel like admitting it. Instead, he wanted to wallow in self-pity and drink black coffee and eat pancakes that were probably really bad for his health. “Whatever,” he said dismissively. “Can we just order?”

Kevin looked at Nick sympathetically. “Whatever you want, little man.”

“I'm not little,” Nick said defensively, but a slight smile appeared on his face.

It took all Kevin had to not reach over and ruffle Nick's short blonde hair. “You might not be little, but you'll always be the baby,” he teased him.

Nick rolled his eyes, but he had to admit that the banter made him feel a little better. If nothing else, spending time with his old bandmates always served to cheer him up.

Brittany studied herself in the mirror. She wasn't sure what to wear on her date that wasn't a date with her ex-boyfriend who she was trying to think of as just a friend.

She sighed to herself, sure she was just overthinking things as she always tended to do. The jeans and sweater that she was wearing were surely fine. It wasn't like it mattered what she wore anyway, but she needed something to stress over instead of the fact that she was really excited to be going out to dinner with Niall.

After a final glance in the mirror, she picked up her phone and sent a quick text message to let him know she was ready and to meet her down in the lobby. She took a few nervous breaths as she walked down the hall and stepped into the elevator.

This wasn't a big deal. She was sure it wasn't a big deal. It was only a big deal if she made it a big deal.

She was torn between being excited to see him and wondering why the hell she'd agreed to go out to dinner with him. She sort of wanted to text him and tell him it was off, but she didn't want to let him down, and she also did want to see him.

She hated the fact that whenever it came to him, her emotions were all over the place. She knew that was just because their breakup had been so abrupt and she hadn't seen it coming. She'd had such a hard time getting over it that for a while she had to convince herself she hated him so she could stop missing him.

It had also helped that she'd had that crush on Nick to distract her.

But when she noticed Niall walking towards her, she took a deep breath. Without any lingering anger towards him or false feelings for Nick, she had nothing else to focus on but the fact that she didn't hate him at all.

“Hi,” he said as he approached her.

“Hi,” she replied awkwardly.

“So,” he said, motioning towards the restaurant. “Shall we go eat? I'm starving.”

She couldn't help but laugh a little. “Yeah, sure.”

She followed him through the lobby walking towards the restaurant. They were seated quickly and the whole time she again felt a little awkward standing there with him. They didn't have any time to make any sort of conversation, so instead they were both just quiet until they were seated.

Brittany glanced down at the menu, but quickly grew bored with the selection of food and instead opted for the wine menu. She looked over the options while Niall was distracted with the menu. Eventually, he closed his menu and looked over at her.

She shifted her gaze from the wine to him. “If we get wine are you going to get all drunk and do something weird?” she asked him, raising her eyebrow and smirking a little. She was clearly referencing what had happened at the wedding earlier that year.

“I can hold my drink,” he assured her, wearing the same cheeky look she was.

“Really?” she laughed, setting down the wine menu. “Because I seem to recall that your Dad asked Harry to keep an eye on your drinking.”

He rolled his eyes. “Yeah, and you'll also remember me telling you that it was a fake article.”

Brittany giggled as the waitress came over and took their orders. Despite what she'd said to Niall, she ordered a bottle of wine for the two of them to share. Once the waitress was gone she turned her attention back to him. “So, how is Hazza anyway?”

Niall shrugged. “He's fine. Doing what he usually does.”

“And that is?”

“Loads of women,” Niall deadpanned and Brittany nearly choked on her water.

“Don't say stuff like that when I'm drinking,” she laughed, trying to regain her composure. “Oh my god.”

Niall just grinned at her as he took a sip of his own water without incident. “So, you're doing that show tomorrow night?” he asked

Brittany nodded. “Yeah.”

He studied her for a moment, wondering where the line was for things that they could discuss. Seeing as she'd already made a joke about the wedding, and she'd brought up Harry, he figured most subjects were okay. “How'd you get talked into that one?”

“What?” she asked, though she knew exactly what he was talking about.

He shrugged. “You know. New York and Christmas aren't exactly two of your favourite things.”

She nodded. She would have been remiss to think that Niall wouldn't remember such important details about her. It was hard to see him as just an old friend when he knew and remembered so many things that she normally didn't share with anyone who wasn't close to her. “I don't know, Nick thought it would be a good idea, and he said he'd come with me.”

“But he's not here,” Niall pointed out.

Brittany eyed him just as the server arrived with their wine. She knew Niall was trying to fish for information on whether she and Nick were dating or not, and she wasn't about to give him the satisfaction of getting the answer he wanted. “Nope, something came up,” she said when the server left. She took a sip of her wine and looked at him.

He just nodded, taking a sip of his own wine.

“Besides,” Brittany continued, smiling a little as she thought about Nick. “I don't really hate Christmas so much anymore.”

“No?” he asked.

“Nope,” she said, not really caring to go into detail about how she and Nick did their own thing every year at Christmas. “So what made you decide to come over here for Christmas instead of spending it at your Mum's place?”

He shrugged. “I thought I should come see my Dad's family for once. I hardly make it over here anymore since we don't really tour on this side of the world.”

“Yeah,” Brittany nodded, finishing her glass of wine and pouring herself some more. She didn't really know what to say to that – her career was still going strong, after all. “I never get over to the UK,” she shrugged.

Niall looked at her, and he wondered if it would be weird if he brought up the wedding. Even through Brittany sort of had already. “When was the last time you were over there?” he asked instead.

“Danielle and Liam's wedding,” she said quickly, feeling a little awkward talking about it so directly.

He just nodded. “Right,” he said, finishing his own glass of wine and refilling it. “I can't believe they've been married for almost two years.”

“I know,” Brittany said, relieved they'd found some sort of common ground to talk about. “That's crazy.”

“Do you get to see her much?” Niall asked, right as their food was placed in front of them. He was quick to order another bottle of wine before the waitress left their table.

Brittany shrugged as she picked up her fork and dug into her pasta. “Not really. Only a couple times when she's been in the states,” she said, thinking about it for a moment. “Actually, she and I made plans to see each other this April when you guys are in LA recording, cause I'll be there too.”

He just nodded as the two of them proceeded to eat in silence, as well as finish of their second bottle of wine.

“Okay,” Brittany said once their plates were cleared and she had a dessert menu in her hands. “I know you want dessert.”

“Or,” he said motioning to the empty bottle sitting on the table. “More wine.”

Brittany gave him a look, wondering if he was sort of trying to get her drunk. But she figured there was no harm in indulging just a little – it wasn't like he was some random guy she didn't know.

“Yes,” she said with a grin. “I could deal with that.”

Three bottles of wine later, the two of them were feeling pretty good. Niall had moved his chair over so he could sit closer to Brittany and they were laughing like nothing had changed.

“Oh my god,” Brittany said with a laugh. “This is so much fun. I hate New York so much... I just hate being here, but every time I come here with you it's not so bad.”

“Right, right,” Niall said, grinning at her. “But it wasn't great the first time.”

“No,” Brittany said, shaking her head and trying to look at him seriously. “It wasn't. You totally ditched the other guys to come here with me, and there were so many pictures of us everywhere and you came to my album signing and that was bad,” she said, wagging her finger at him.

Niall gave her a look. He did remember that trip to New York – and Brittany was right, that had been bad and he shouldn't have gone with her. “Yeah,” he said, laughing it off a little. “But that wasn't what I was talking about.”

Brittany tilted her head to the side a little and studied him. “Huh? That was the first time.”

“No it wasn't,” he protested, taking a sip of his drink and looking at the empty bottles that littered the table. They really had had too much to drink and he knew he had to put a stop to it before it got out of hand. “I meant the first time you were here with us on tour. When you went out with Haz for the day.”

Brittany just kept looking at him intently, waiting for him to finish. She leaned in a little, as if to get him to continue.

“God, that sucked Brittany,” he said shaking his head. He knew he should probably stop talking, but he didn't. Instead the alcohol clouded his better judgement and he started to spill out things to Brittany that he'd never said before. “I was just sitting here, about to tell him that I was in love with you and then you walked in and he asked you to spend the day with him in New York,” he said softly. “Fuck, I was heartbroken. And then I had to hear him talk about it for days afterwards.”

His words didn't quite sober her up, but they definitely wiped the slight grin off her face. Of course she'd known he'd been jealous of Harry, but hearing about it again dredged up all those old feelings and regrets that she'd had when she was nineteen years old.

“You never told me that before,” she said quietly.

He shrugged. “I never really needed to, did I?” he laughed a little. “It worked out for us in the end anyway, didn't it?”

“No,” Brittany said without thinking. They were sitting in New York, her least favourite place in the entire world, they had to be drunk to feel more comfortable around each other, and they weren't together anymore. Anything that they'd had at one point was gone, and she didn't think that counted as it having worked out at all.

Under any normal circumstances, she wouldn't have done what she did next. But the remorse of their failed relationship hit her hard, and she leaned in and kissed him forcefully.

They stayed like that for a few seconds, closing their eyes and enjoying the drunken impulsive moment. When Brittany pulled away she looked at him and felt her heart beat faster.

“We should go up to my room,” she suggested, leaning in to kiss him again.

Niall touched her shoulder and pushed her away from him slightly. No matter how badly he wanted to, he was sure that she was just drunk and feeling bad on account of what he'd told her. “You should go up to your room,” he said, standing up and pulling his wallet out to drop some money on the table. “Come on.” he held out his hand and she grabbed it.

The two of them walked silently back up to her hotel room. He didn't know what else to say to her, and Brittany was just content walking with him and glancing around.

They made it up to her room without incident, and she fumbled around in her purse for her key card. When she found it, she turned to him. “There were some good times in New York, right?” she asked him quietly.

He nodded. “Yeah,” he said, reaching out to touch her arm. He played with the nubby fabric of her sweater for a moment before looking back at her. “There were.”

“Like that time at Madison Square,” she said, smiling to herself as she looked at him. “When we got that really nice suite.”

“That was a good time,” he affirmed, looking at her happily. All things considered, he'd really had fun spending the evening with her.

“Thanks for dinner,” she said, moving in closer to him. “It was really good to see you again.”

“Yeah,” he replied, wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. “It was good to see you too. Don't be a stranger.”

“I won't,” she said, unlocking the door to her room and stepping inside. They gave each other a final wave before she closed the door and laid down on her bed. She smiled to herself, feeling content with the evening as she fell asleep almost instantly.

Brittany's plane touched down in LA a day later, on Christmas Eve.

She stepped off of it and made her way through the airport quickly, eager to get home so she could pack up a few things and drive over to Nick's house in Malibu.

As she waited at the baggage claim, she switched her phone off of Airplane Mode and looked down at it, writing for any message to come through.

Only one did.

Niall Horan: hope u have a safe flight back. glad we had a chance to catch up.

She winced as she looked down at the screen. Nothing had been worse than waking up the morning afterwards and finding herself alone in her hotel room. She’d expected to see him sleeping next to her, and when he wasn’t, it had all come rushing back.

She couldn't believe that she'd kissed him and even gone so far as to invite him up to her room.
But even more than that, she couldn't believe that he had turned her down. She frowned - that had probably been for the best, but she couldn't help but feel a little slighted.

The scenario where he’d actually said yes? Well, that had all just been a dream. One that she’d felt more and more awkward about as the day had gone on. She’d tried not to think about it as she performed in her concert and rushed back to her hotel room, but it was constantly in the back of her mind.

Sighing, she tried once again to forget about it. She sent him a quick text message in response.

Brittany Cooper: Thanks... I’m back in LA now. I had fun too. Have a nice Christmas :)

She played around on her phone for a couple of minutes hoping for a response from him, but one never came. She put her phone back into her back and crossed her arms over her chest, watching for her luggage to drop down onto the belt.

She didn’t even know why she suddenly wanted to hear from him so bad - she’d hardly thought about him since the wedding. But she supposed seeing him in New York and actually spending some quality time with him had rekindled something in her.

She wasn’t sure what, and she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted to figure it out. She kept drifting in between wanting to text him again, and just letting it go.

Besides, she had Christmas with Nick to focus on.

She grabbed her luggage and made her way through the airport, taking a taxi back to her condo. After half-heartedly unpacking her things from her New York trip, she placed a few items back into her suitcase for her trip to Malibu and in no time she was leaving her condo again.

As she drove down the highway, she turned the radio on, singing along to the Top 40 renditions of popular Christmas carols. She was nearly at Nick’s place when she passed by a CVS. She drove past it quickly, but then turned around as she got an idea.

Being around Niall at this time of year had also reminded her of what it was like to have a true, traditional Christmas. She loved her holidays with Nick, but when she went past the grocery store, she decided on something different for a change.

So she wheeled a cart through the aisles and picked up everything she thought she might need to make them an actual, real, Christmas dinner with a turkey and canned cranberry sauce. She smiled a little when she packed the bags into the backseat of her car, proud of herself for being so domesticated for a change.

She continued on the short drive over to Nick’s house and took a deep satisfied breath when she reached the gate. It had been a weird past couple of days, but all things considered, she was happy to be in Malibu and excited to see her friend.

She punched in the buzz code and parked her car once the gate opened. Grabbing the grocery bags out of the backseat as well as her small suitcase, she made her way to the front door.

“Happy Christmas Eve,” she said with a grin as she stepped inside.

No response.

She frowned, setting her things down in the front entrance as she walked around the house. “Nick?” she called.

She looked out on the porch and saw him sitting out there. She shook her head - so that was why he hadn’t answered - he hadn’t heard her. She quickly went to put the groceries away before going to greet him.

“Hey,” she said, sliding the glass doors open and stepping outside.

“Hey,” he replied, glancing back at her. “How was New York?”

She shrugged, choosing not to tell Nick that she’d had dinner with her ex-boyfriend. She didn’t exactly want a lecture from him and she knew Nick wasn’t his biggest fan. Though they’d never talked about it explicitly, Brittany was sure that Nick had had words with him at Danielle and Liam’s wedding.

No, nothing good would come from telling Nick.

“It was good,” she said, not quite lying but of course leaving out the obvious truth.

Nick raised his eyebrow. It was clear that Brittany wasn’t going to tell him that she’d had dinner with Niall. He knew she was intentionally leaving it out because she didn’t want to deal with his reaction. But what she failed to realize was that he already knew. Though he tried his best to stay away from gossip websites, some news was hard to avoid.

Like the fact that one of the biggest popstars in the country had an intimate dinner with her ex-boyfriend.

“Yeah?” Nick asked her again. “It was good? Usually you hate New York. Anything interesting happen?” he pressed.

Brittany eyed him. She wasn’t sure if he was digging for information because he suspected something or if it was just because she’d answered the question more positively that he’d expected. “Nope.”

“Really? Nothing at all?” he narrowed his eyes at her.

Brittany bit the inside of her lip, but didn’t say anything. She was 99% sure that Nick had actually figured out that she’d been to see Niall while she was in New York. But still, she didn’t tell him. “Nothing happened,” she said, both lying and assuring him that, if he did know something, it had just been dinner.

Nick eyed her.

“It was just dinner,” she sighed, knowing that Nick wasn’t going to let it go until she came out with it. He obviously knew what had gone on and was waiting for her to admit it so he could tell her she was stupid and get on with the rest of their holiday.

“Sure,” Nick said, shrugging his shoulders and standing up to walk back inside the house. “If dinner is code for kissing.”

Brittany’s eyes widened as she wondered how he could possibly have known about that. She quickly recovered when she realized that she and Niall had likely been photographed, just as they had been years ago in the very same restaurant.

Of course, when she’d been nineteen she’d had the good sense to not kiss him for the entire world to see.

“It didn’t mean anything,” she said automatically, even if she wasn’t so sure that was true.

Nick raised his eyebrow at her as they stepped into the kitchen. He didn’t believe that at all and he had no idea why Brittany had decided to go out to dinner with him in the first place. “How’d that even happen anyway?”

She rolled her eyes, not caring for Nick to grill her. “I don’t know. He was there and we ran into each other and decided to have dinner and catch up. Is that so wrong?”

“Yes,” he said sharply.

“Why?”

“Because!” Nick exclaimed with annoyance, frustrated beyond belief. He wasn’t even sure why he was so upset. He knew he was being selfish. Brittany obviously still had feelings towards Niall - he’d known that since they’d gone to London. Anything he said to her to try and help her out would only push her back towards him. And Nick didn’t want that. He didn’t want her as his girlfriend - but he didn’t want to risk losing her to this other boy he didn’t particularly like.

“How can you just go out with him like everything’s fine and have that look on your face when you think about him? Do you not remember everything he did to you?” he asked her, standing in the kitchen and crossing his arms over his chest.

Brittany gaped at him. “Everything he did to me?” she repeated incredulously. “Everything he did to me?! Nick, when I first told you about that your response was ‘Oh, he cheated on you? Well, that’s not such a big deal.’ So don’t pull the he was a terrible boyfriend card when all you’re doing is projecting your hatred for yourself onto him! People can change and grow up, Nick,” she said, rolling her eyes and glaring at him. “Not that you’d know what that’s like.”

“Oh fuck off,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Don’t you dare talk about growing up. I thought you moved on, but you’re still that same pathetic, crying girl I brought with me on the cruise.”

Nick’s words stung, but Brittany tried not to let it show. “Pathetic?!” she screeched. “I’m not the one who’s pathetic, if anyone is totally pathetic, it’s you. You’re the one who’s trying to fix all his past mistakes through me. You’re the one who’s almost forty and still sleeping around instead of trying to have a real relationship with anyone.”

Nick didn’t really have anything to counter that with, considering Brittany wasn’t wrong at all. “I have tried,” he said through gritted teeth. “It’s not for me. And you, as my friend, should understand that. I don’t need a girlfriend, I have enough friends to hang out with, thanks, and enough women begging for me to fuck them.”

“Gross, Nick,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes at how incredibly lewd he was being. “So fucking gross. You’re just jealous that because even though I’ve been hurt before, I have the ability to move on and grow up and let people in. You don’t.”

Nick was feeling too lightheaded to care about pointing out to Brittany that kissing her ex-boyfriend hardly counted as moving on at all. Instead, he leaned his elbows on the counter and pressed down, breathing hard. “Fine, whatever. Go off and marry him for all I care.”

“Oh my god, Nick,” Brittany said, shaking her head at his dramatics. “It was dinner. And I kissed him because he said something about one other time we were in New York together and it just made me miss him a little bit. God.”

But Nick wasn’t even listening to her ramble on anymore. “Brittany,” he breathed. “I need you to not freak out, okay?”

“Well too late, Nick! You started this, you’re the one who flipped out in the first place. It was you who-”

“Call 911,” he interrupted her, still looking at his hands and pressing his weight on the counter.

That shut her up quickly. “What? Why?”

“I think I’m having a heart attack.”

The waiting room was not exactly where Brittany thought she’d be spending Christmas Eve.

But she sat there by herself, tapping her foot lightly on the ground as she waited for something. She didn’t exactly know what - it wasn’t like anyone was going to come out and tell her anything. She hadn’t even been able to ride in the ambulance with Nick, and instead had followed right behind in her car.

Now she just sat there, alone with her thoughts, not knowing what to do or who to call.

She had no clue why or how this had happened. It wasn’t like she hadn’t argued with Nick before - they’d certainly had their fair share of spats over the years. But obviously they had never ended with Nick declaring he was having a heart attack of all things.

At first Brittany had thought he was bullshitting her; saying something ridiculous to cut off their fight. But as she spoke on the phone to the operator, she realized there was no way Nick could be faking. He looked too sickly and afraid for it to be anything less than real.

Now, she sat there looking around at the walls at the other people in the room. Thankfully no one there was interested in bothering her for an autograph or a picture. Obviously they all had their own problems to worry about.

She dug through her purse in search of her cell phone. She had also grabbed Nick’s off the table before running out the door, thinking he would probably want it when he was released.

Because she was sure he was going to be released and everything was going to be fine. Wasn’t it? She lazily scrolled through her contacts, thinking she should call someone, but she hadn’t a clue whom.

She tossed her phone back into her bag and instead went for Nick’s. If she was to call anyone and let them know, it should probably be someone he knew rather than anyone she did. But she hadn’t the faintest idea of who to break the news to. She looked through his contacts, falling on the names of a couple family members, but quickly changing her mind. She had no idea how to speak to anyone from his family, and she hadn’t heard Nick talk about any of them in ages. From the little she did know about them, especially his mother, they’d just cause trouble. If anything, it would be better to let them know after the fact.

Besides, it was fairly easy for her to put herself in Nick’s shoes. If it had been her, there would be no way she’d want her mother to know. She pondered that for a moment, wondering who she would want for Nick to call.

She actually didn’t know. If something happened to her, she’d want Nick himself to be the first person to be told about it.

She glanced down at his phone again, wondering if she should tell one of Nick’s friends. Before she had a chance to ponder which one of them she could call, the phone rang in her hand.

Brian Littrell.

She frowned. That was strange. For all the times Nick had talked about any of the other Backstreet Boys, Brian had been the one he talked about the least. In fact, she wasn’t even sure he and Nick were friends anymore. Though clearly she’d been wrong in her assumption, since he was trying to get ahold of Nick, afterall.

“Hello?” she answered cautiously, knowing that Brian probably wasn’t going to know who she was.

“Oh,” he said, sounding sort of surprised. “Uh, who’s this?” he laughed a little.

Brittany rolled her eyes slightly. Brian probably thought that she was one of Nick’s week-long girlfriends. “It’s Brittany.”

“Oh.”

She didn’t know what else to say to him, but luckily he filled the silence quickly. “Can I talk to Nick?” he asked, the lightness returning to his voice.

“Uh, no,” Brittany said shakily, but she wasn’t going to let herself cry on the phone while talking to this man she barely knew. “He’s... he can’t come to the phone.”

“O...kay,” Brian said slowly. “Well, just let him know that I called.”

“Wait, Brian,” Brittany said quickly, deciding that she obviously had to tell him. “Nick can’t come to the phone because we’re at the hospital, well he is, I’m just waiting. He had a heart attack.”

“What?!”

“Yeah,” Brittany said, leaning down towards her lap. “I don’t know what happened. We were at his house and he just looked really sick and told me to call 911,” she said, choosing to leave out the fact that she was pretty sure she‘d caused it.

“Are you sure he had a heart attack?” Brian asked her thickly, his voice suddenly filled with concern and worry. Which wasn’t strange, but she felt his question was a little odd.

“That’s what he said he thought he was having.”

Brian didn’t say anything, he just sighed.

“What should I do?” Brittany asked him quietly. “Who should I call?”

“Kevin,” Brian said almost instantly. “Call Kevin. He lives near there and he and Nick are pretty close,” he said, then he paused. “Actually, I’ll call Kevin.”

Brittany sighed a little. That was a relief, she didn’t want to have to make any awkward phone calls. “Thank you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said. “If anything changes, let me know.”

“I will,” she nodded, even though he obviously couldn’t see her. “Bye.”

“Take care.”

The call ended, but she still gripped Nick’s phone in her hand, just in case someone else called. She continued to sit there impatiently, waiting for something to happen.

The minutes dragged by, and she half paid attention to the people around her, and half paid attention to the TV screen.

Of course it was her luck that TMZ would be on. And, of course, she was the hot gossip for the day. Over the years she’d really grown to hate TMZ and everything they’d said about her. Which was strange, because when she’d been younger, she’d watched it all the time, and had even been excited the first time she’d been shown on it.

She glanced up at the screen, and watched the segment that showed pictures obviously taken two nights ago of her and Niall eating dinner, and of course, the one of the two of them kissing. She rolled her eyes and sank down in her chair, hoping that no one else in the waiting room would realize that she was the one that was being talked about on the screen.

Luckily Kevin chose that moment to call Nick’s cell phone. Brittany answered it quickly. “Hi.”

“What happened?” he asked with concern, not bothering to greet her.

She sighed. If she could explain it, she would have, but she truly couldn’t. “I don’t know,” she said dumbly.

“No,” he said stiffly. “You’ve gotta give me more than that. My cousin just called me on Christmas Eve to let me know that Nick apparently had a heart attack. You’re the one who was there with him when it happened - so what happened?”

Brittany bit her lip. What happened was that Nick had completely flipped his lid, she’d screamed at him, and apparently it had stressed him out enough to land him in the hospital. “I went to his place and we started talking and then he got all pissed off about some news article he read about me,” she said, shaking her head. It was hardly just a news article that had upset Nick, but Kevin didn’t need to know that. “We had an argument, and then he just looked sick and told me to call 911,” she finished, her voice cracking.

Kevin didn’t say anything for a couple of minutes. “When was this?”

“A few hours ago,” she muttered. “I’ve been waiting for him in the hospital ever since, and I have no idea what to do because it’s not like they’ll let me go in there.” She swallowed a little. “But I didn’t mean it, I was just so angry with him, but I never wanted this to happen!”

“It’s not your fault,” Kevin sighed. “You didn’t know. And he should have known better than to stress out.”

Brittany furrowed her eyebrows. “What?”

“He’s been having heart problems again, he went to the doctor a few days ago about it.”

Brittany put her head in her hands. So that was why he hadn’t been able to go with her to New York. She felt guilty all over again, but this time for a different reason. She’d been so annoyed with Nick for ditching their New York trip - but of course there was no way she could have known why that was.

“I didn’t know.”

“I know you didn’t,” Kevin said. “He keeps that stuff to himself. To a fault.”

Brittany just nodded, not knowing what else she could say, but wanting to stay on the phone. Kevin didn’t seem to make any move to end their call either, and Brittany was sure their reason was the same. Neither of them knew what to do, and the only thing they could do was wait.

A couple minutes later, a nurse came out looking for her. Brittany glanced up and muttered a quick goodbye to Kevin, letting him know that she would call him once she knew something.

“Nick said he’d like to see you,” the nurse said to her, and she nodded, picking up her purse and following the woman down the hall to where Nick was.

She was led inside the small room, and the two of them were left alone. Nick turned his head to look at her, while she sat in the chair beside his bed.

“I can’t believe you were in the waiting room this whole time,” he said, giving her a look.

“Of course I was,” she said quietly. “You’re ridiculous.”

He just shrugged. He thought for sure she would have given up and gone back to his house. Or back to LA.

Or back to New York.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you were having heart problems again,” she continued, taking his hand and lacing his fingers with hers. She didn’t care that just hours ago she’d been screaming everything she hated about him. She hardly even remembered why she’d been so mad.

Again he just shrugged. “I didn’t think you’d want to know,” he admitted.

“Of course I’d want to know,” she said, her voice cracking. “If I would have known I wouldn’t have...”

“What?” he laughed a little. “Blown up at me?”

She just nodded, still gripping his hand.

But Nick just shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. It wasn’t your fault. I was feeling sick the whole day and that’s probably why I lost it. I was the one who started yelling, anyway.”

“It doesn’t matter,” she said, looking at him sadly. “It was a stupid fight and I’m sorry.”

“Me too,” he muttered. “I thought you’d be halfway back to New York by now,” he laughed a little bit, trying to make light of the ridiculous paranoia he had in his head.

“Yeah,” Brittany scoffed. “My best friend declares he’s having a heart attack and the first thing I’d do is hop on a plane back to my favourite place in the world,” she said sarcastically. “Sounds like my perfect day.”

Nick didn’t bother arguing with her, not wanting to get back into the details of her New York trip again. “Thanks for staying,” he said instead.

“You don’t need to thank me. I wasn’t going to go anywhere until I knew you were okay. I’m still not going anywhere,” she said firmly.

“Yeah, neither am I,” he said, rolling his eyes a little. “They’re not letting me out until tomorrow.”

“That’s probably a good thing, isn’t it?” she asked him. “They just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“They just said they thought it was a mild heart attack,” he shrugged, acting as though he wasn’t bothered at all. In reality, he was completely terrified. “I guess that means no Chinese food,” he laughed.

Brittany smiled at him. “Actually, I meant to talk to you about that.”

“What?”

“I bought all these groceries and before all this happened, I was going to make us a real Christmas dinner,” she smiled at him, almost not believing that had only been earlier that day.

He raised his eyebrow. “Oh yeah?”

“Yeah. It was dumb, I bought all these groceries and I thought we could eat turkey and stuff,” she said sheepishly, not really knowing what had been going through her mind. She and Nick never had a traditional Christmas, boycotting it was sort of their thing.

“It’s not dumb,” he protested. “It would have been nice. It’ll still be nice.”

“Huh?”

“I mean, there’s no reason we still can’t do that. They’re gonna let me go home tomorrow, so you can still make it if you want,” he laughed a bit, giving her a cheeky grin.

“Yeah, totally,” she said, still looking at him intently.

Nick watched Brittany. He really hated the sad, defeated look on her face. He didn’t understand why she still looked so worried. “Hey, where’s that Christmas present you said you got me, by the way?” he asked, trying to change the subject to lighter fare so she would stop looking so distraught.

“What?”

“You know, you said you got me a present. So where is it?”

“Oh,” Brittany said, rolling her eyes a little. “I was just kidding. Why, did you actually end up buying me one?”

“No,” he said, shaking his head. “Why would I do something like that?”

“Because you’re a sweet guy who wants me to have nice things?” she tried.

“I don’t think so,” he replied, looking at her. She still looked tired, but at least she looked a little bit happier. “Go back to the house, Britt.”

“No way,” she protested.

“Yeah,” he said with a nod. “I’m tired, and there’s nothing for you to do here. Tomorrow we’ll have our dinner and everything’ll be back to normal,” he assured her.

She began to shake her head, but Nick kept giving her a look. “Fine,” she gave in, letting go of his hand for the first time since she’d sat down next to him. She dug through her purse and handed him his cell phone. “Here,” she said, standing up. “Kevin’s worried.”

“Of course he is,” Nick muttered, looking down at his phone. He sort of wished Brittany hadn’t told anyone what had happened, because now he was going to have to deal with assuring Kevin that he was fine. Which was never an easy task. “See you tomorrow, Britt.”

“Bye,” she said, looking back at him before walking out of the room. All things considered, it had been a long, rough day, and she was glad to be able to go back to Nick’s house and crash. “Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m really glad you’re okay,” she said, giving him a final smile before walking out of the room.

“Yeah, me too,” he said, leaning back and looking up at the ceiling. He breathed a sigh of relief. He hadn’t wanted to guilt her into staying with him just because of his health problems - but he was certainly glad that she still seemed to want to spend Christmas with him.

He held his phone in front of his face, figuring he’d better call Kevin before the older man had a heart attack of his own. He tapped the recent callers list and hit the button to call him, holding the phone to his ear.

“How is he?” he heard Kevin answer the phone.

“He’s fine,” Nick said, grinning a little. Kevin had clearly been expecting Brittany to be the one to call him.

“Thank goodness,” Kevin said, his voice switching from worried and frantic to slightly less worried and frantic. “What happened?”

“They said it was mild,” Nick shrugged, knowing he couldn’t really get away with being vague. “I don’t know. I was just feeling shitty the whole day, then Brittany showed up at the house and I yelled at her and bam, heart attack.”

“You’re supposed to try not to stress,” Kevin reminded him, and Nick rolled his eyes.

“Easier said than done,” he muttered.

“What else did they say?” Kevin asked, ignoring Nick’s comment.

“They’re keeping me here overnight and they did some tests and yeah, I dunno. I shouldn’t have stressed out, you’re right. I was just feeling weird, and Brittany pissed me off, and yeah. Sorry,” he said sheepishly.

“It’s not me you should be apologizing to,” Kevin said, and Nick could almost hear his condescending look over the phone.

“Yeah, I know,” Nick sighed. “I apologized to her too. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset,” he muttered, even though he never would have admitted it to Brittany. “She didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m just glad to hear that you’re okay,” Kevin said. “Take care, Nicky.”

Nick didn’t even attempt to correct Kevin’s use of his most hated nickname. “I will, Kevvy,” he laughed a little. “Don’t worry about me.”

“I will,” Kevin told him.

“I know,” Nick said smiling a little. “But I’m fine.”

“You better be.”

“Have a good Christmas, Kev,” Nick said, itching to get off the phone.

“You too, buddy. Try to eat a nice dinner for once instead of going out for Chinese food.”

“I will,” Nick said, before he hung up the phone. He looked at it for a second before closing his eyes. The smile faded from his face and he tried to will himself to sleep.

Despite what he’d told Brittany and Kevin, he wasn’t quite so confident he was going to be fine.

Part V – Right Back Where We Started From
April 2019

Nick took a deep breath as he sat in the living room of his Nashville home. Ever since his heart problems had resurfaced, he'd been trying to make the most of every minute. This of course meant that he was overworking himself, even if he tried to keep that as quiet as possible.

It wasn't as though he was stressed. He was just putting in overtime and trying his best to get things done.

Which was exactly why Kevin has insisted on coming out to Nashville to visit.

“It's a nice place you've got out here,” Kevin said, smiling as the two of them sat in Nick's living room, watching late-night TV.

Nick just shrugged, tracing his finger around the rim of his water glass. “You've been here before.”

“Yeah, but not for an extended period of time,” Kevin said, raising his eyebrows a little and trying to meet Nick's eyes. “It's nice to just come out here and relax.”

Nick nodded. That was definitely something he could agree with. Even if he hadn't been doing much in the way of relaxing lately. He felt this urge to complete every project he had left unfinished. It was almost like he was in a constant state of mania, which wasn't healthy at all.

“You need to relax, Nick,” Kevin advised him.

“I am relaxed,” Nick shrugged. “Working on my music relaxes me.”

Kevin gave him a look, but seemed to accept that.

Nick sighed. He knew Kevin was worried about him. Hell, Kevin had always been worried about him. Ever since he'd been thirteen years old Kevin had looked out for him and tried to be the older brother he never had. Their relationship was such a strange role-reversal that it had taken some time for them to settle into it, but once they had, they'd gotten along a lot better.

“Remember when we used to be famous?” Nick asked, changing the subject slightly and glancing over at Kevin.

If Kevin thought Nick's question was weird or out of place, he didn't show it. “Yeah,” he said simply.

“Those were good times,” Nick said, a fond smile creeping up on his face. “Remember that time we shut down Times Square?”

“Yeah,” Kevin laughed. “I still can't believe we did that.”

Nick shook his head. It was hard for him to believe that part of his life was over now. It had been for quite some time, but he still missed it. It made sense – he was the youngest out of the group, and they had all wanted to settle down with their lives.

Nick had never understood the meaning of settling down, but then again, he'd always been young at heart.

“Neither could Carson,” Nick said, still reminiscing. “That guy was such a douche.”

Kevin smiled at Nick's inability to let anything from the past go. “To be fair, Nsync was his favourite boyband.”

“Yeah, you're right,” Nick said, rolling his eyes a little. “You couldn't like both of us.”

“Nope.”

Nick took a sip of his water. As he set his glass down on the table, he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. He debated just ignoring it, but changed his mind at the last second.

He smiled a little at the display, and nodded a quick apology to Kevin as he answered it.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” came Brittany's light voice through the speaker. “How's it going? I haven't talked to you in a couple of days. How's your song writing coming along?”

“Great,” he said. “How's the time off? I bet you're happy to be home after that tour.”

“Yeah,” she replied, and he could practically hear her grin through the phone. “I am,” she paused a little. “Are you sure you don't want me to come out to Nashville for a few days?”

“Nah,” he shrugged. He tried to play it off, but he really didn't want her to. He was enjoying his time with Kevin in Nashville, and was looking forward to having a few days to himself once his friend went back home. “Kevin's out here with me right now. Besides, I'll be back in LA in a couple of weeks, we'll hang out then.”

“I'll be sick of LA by then, I'm sure,” she laughed. “The only thing I'm looking forward to is seeing Danielle in a couple of days.”

Nick shrugged. “You could always go to my Malibu house. That's why I gave you a key.”

“Yeah,” she said contemplatively. “Maybe I will.”

“I was thinking about coming out there for a bit. We could spend some time there. Maybe start thinking about stuff for your new album.”

“That'd be fun.”

“Or you could always go clubbing in LA and be the big popstar that you are,” he laughed a little, knowing how she would react to that.

“I'm not a big popstar,” she laughed.

“Whatever you say, Miss Grammy Nominee,” he joked.

She scoffed a little. “I didn't win.”

“Yeah, neither did I,” he said, a tad bitterly. All these years, and he'd still never quite let that go.

“Makes sense,” she giggled. “Because you're not a big popstar either.”

“I was,” he protested.

“Sure you were,” she said sarcastically.

“I won a best haircut award,” he said, matter-of-factly. Of course it didn't really matter, but over the years his silly banter with Brittany was one of the things that had hardly changed. He hoped it never would.

“Not very well deserved,” she laughed.

“Wow,” he said, clutching his hand to his chest, even though she couldn't see him. “Harsh.”

“Sorry,” she giggled.

There was a slight pause, and Nick glanced up at the TV. He didn't really want to get off the phone with Brittany, but given that Kevin was sitting there, he figured that he probably should. “Well, Kevin and I are just watching stuff, so I should probably let you go.”

“If you have to,” she replied, and Nick knew she was rolling her eyes. “Call me when you have a song epiphany,” she laughed.

“I always do,” he grinned. “Talk to you later, Britt.”

“Wait, Nick,” she said quickly, before he had a chance to hang up.

“Yeah?”

She hesitated. “Nothing. Nevermind. I'll talk to you later.”

He raised his eyebrow, wondering what that was all about. Had it been a few years ago, he would have possibly suspected some kind of love confession. But all of that was behind them now, wasn't it? “Okay. Talk to you later.”

“Bye,” she said, the cheerful tone returning to her voice again.

“Bye.” He hung up the phone and looked back at Kevin as he put it back in his pocket. “Sorry,” he said.

Kevin shrugged. “Don't worry about it. What's she up to?”

Nick picked up his nearly empty water glass and traced the etched design on it with his finger. “You know, the usual. Touring, hanging out in LA. Being all famous and popular and not knowing what to do now that she's got a break.”

“Huh,” Kevin said, giving Nick a little grin. “Sounds like someone else I know.”

Nick just laughed a little, not quite pull off by the comparison. He could live with the fact that he and Brittany were fairly alike. In fact, it was the basis for their entire friendship and why they got along so well.

“Yeah,” Nick shrugged, finishing his water and setting the glass back down on the table. “She's good at what she does, though.”

“So are you,” Kevin said seriously. “You grew up and made your record label your own. You manage Brittany, which can't be easy.”

Nick laughed a little. Kevin didn't know the half of it. In fact, the music part of working with Brittany was easy. The hard part had been being her friend and learning how to act around her. Something he still hadn't quite mastered.

“Thanks, Kev,” Nick smiled, patting his friend on the back. “I think I'm gonna go to bed, I'm beat.”

Kevin nodded. “Have a good sleep, Nicky.”

“Don't call me Nicky,” Nick joked, pointing at Kevin and offering him his signature grin as he walked out of the room and up to his bedroom.

He smiled to himself as he climbed the stairs, but frowned a little as the dull pain in his chest started up again. This was a regular occurrence for him now, and part of the reason he felt such a haste to tie up all the loose ends in his life.

Nick shook his head slightly, walking into his bedroom and pulling his shirt off without even bothering to flip the light on. He laid down on his back and closed his eyes. He tried to take deep, steady breaths, hoping the pain would stop. It did a little and he sighed, feeling slightly relieved.

Crossing his arms over his chest, he smiled to himself. He replayed his conversation with Kevin over again in his mind, feeling nostalgic for the good old days when the only thing he'd had to worry about was whether Nsync was going to take home the VMA that he wanted for his own.

Nick rolled over slightly onto his side and smiled as he thought back to his younger years. All things considered, things had gone pretty well for him once he'd gotten his life figured out.

Brittany looked at her reflection in the mirror as she stood in a change room in a boutique. She bit her lip as she studied the dress she was wearing, unsure if she wanted to buy it or not. Then she sighed to herself. She was really sick of shopping, but there wasn't much else for her to do in LA.

Her phone rang inside of her purse and she pulled it out, frowning when she saw the call display. It was an unknown number with a California area code. Not interested in taking a call from a fan or from a management office, she ignored it and placed it on top of her purse. Instead, she focused on the dress again, smoothing it out and trying to decide if she wanted it or not.

Her phone rang again and she looked down at it. It was the same number. They hadn't left a voicemail, which was alarming. If it had been someone from her management firm, they likely would have done so. This gave her event more of a reason to ignore it, so she rolled her eyes a little and did just that.

About a minute later, just as she was about to take off the dress and try on one of the many others she had sitting on the rack, her phone rang again. She looked down at it, this time seeing Nick's face on the call display. She smiled a little to herself, picking it up.

“Hey!” she said brightly, happy for the welcome distraction from her dress predicament.

“Brittany,” came Kevin's solemn voice from the other end of the line. Brittany raised her eyebrow a little. “It's Kevin.”

“Uh, hi,” Brittany said awkwardly. “What's up... Kevin? Why are you calling me from Nick's phone?” she laughed a little, trying to shake off the worry that was beginning to settle in her chest. She couldn't help but think back to a few months earlier, when she had been talking to Kevin from Nick's phone after he'd had his heart attack.

“You didn't answer when I called you from my own,” he said simply.

“Oh,” Brittany nodded, looking at herself again in the mirror. So that was who had been trying to reach her.

“Brittany,” Kevin said shakily, and this alarmed her further. “Where are you? Are you alone?”

“I'm in a change room,” she said quickly. “Why are you calling me? What's going on?”

“Nick passed away last night,” Kevin said slowly. Brittany looked at herself in the mirror, and felt almost shocked as she watched her expression stay neutral. It didn't change. It was almost as though she was beside herself, watching this happen.

“Oh,” she said dumbly, not quite comprehending what Kevin had said. “Well, thanks for letting me know.”

She hung up the phone and tossed it back into her bag, studying herself in the mirror again and going back to thinking about the dress. She glanced over at the others on the rack that she'd picked out and sighed a little. What a daunting task it was going to be, trying all of those on.

So, she quickly took the first dress off, carefully putting it back on the hanger before picking up the next in the line and slipping it over her head.

She silently made it through every dress she'd picked out, before putting her own clothes back on and taking all of the dresses to the register to pay for them. She couldn't even remember what any of them had looked like on, she'd just bought them and walked out of the store carrying a large bag.

She tossed the bag into the backseat of her car and began to drive back to her condo, watching the road carefully, listening to the radio as she went along.

She pulled into the parking lot of her condo, retrieving her back from the back of her car and making her way up the glass elevator to her suite. She unlocked the door and tossed her bag onto her couch. When she looked over at the side table, her eyes fell on a framed photo of her and Nick.

“Oh God,” she choked out, putting her hand over her mouth. She frantically fished through her purse for her cell phone and called Nick's phone, half expecting him to pick up and tell her that it was an elaborate prank, and half needing to talk to Kevin and have him tell her everything.

“Hi,” Kevin answered, and Brittany felt her heart sink.

“Nick's dead?!” she shrieked, not caring that she was beginning to lose her mind. “What the hell?”

“I'm sorry,” Kevin said automatically, and Brittany rolled her eyes. He was obviously hurting too, but she didn't really care. She didn't understand what had happened or why Kevin was calling her and telling her, and she sat down on her couch before it all became too much.

“What happened?” she asked quietly, taking deep breaths and looking around her condo for some kind of comfort. Unsurprisingly, she didn't find any, so she just listened to Kevin's smooth voice.

“He died in his sleep,” Kevin sighed. “I dunno. I just found him this morning. They said it doesn't look like he felt any pain.”

Brittany frowned. If she hadn't cared how Kevin felt before, she certainly did now. She couldn't imagine walking into Nick's room and thinking he was asleep, only to find him dead. “I'm sorry,” she said softly.

“There's not going to be a funeral,” Kevin said softly. “He's never wanted one. We haven't gone through his will yet, but, yeah, no funeral.”

Brittany just nodded. “Okay.”

“Are you okay?” Kevin asked quietly. “If there's anything that I can do...”

“Yeah, no, I don't know,” Brittany said awkwardly, because she truly didn't know. She didn't know what to do with this information she'd just heard and she certainly didn't know what Kevin could do to help her, given that she hardly knew him. “Thanks for telling me. I'm sorry about Nick.”

“Me too,” Kevin said, and Brittany was sure she heard his voice crack. “Take care, kiddo.”

“Bye,” Brittany said to the dead line.

She looked around her condo, not knowing what to do with herself. She took a deep breath and stood up, thinking back to her last conversation with Nick. He'd told her to go to his house in Malibu and take some time off from LA.

Given that the was last conversation she was ever going to have with him, she decided to follow his words. She grabbed her suitcase out of her bedroom and dumped the contents out of it. She shoved her newly purchased dressed into it, along with some other necessities. She fastened it and carried it down to her car, tossing it in the backseat and driving off in a haste.

***

An hour later, Brittany opened the door to Nick's Malibu home and sighed.

It was dark and somewhat ominous. Of course, the reason being that all of the blinds were closed on account of no one having been there for the past few months.

She walked around and opened the blinds, allowing light to stream into the house, but it did little to console her. Light or no light, the house still felt as dark and gloomy as it had looked when she'd first walked in.

Maybe it was the knowledge that even though Nick had promised, he wasn't coming.

She sat down on the couch and looked up at the ceiling. It hadn't quite sunk in for her yet. Still, she couldn't get Kevin's words out of her mind.

“Nick passed away last night.”

She felt sick to her stomach and didn't know what to do. She found herself glancing at the front door, hoping for Nick to walk through it. Even though he'd told her he wasn't going to come out to Malibu for another week or so, she still hoped and prayed. Maybe it was all just a cruel joke.

But that door never opened.

Sitting on the couch was doing her no good. With a sigh, she got up and walked around the house, dragging her suitcase of clothing with her. She glanced at the master bedroom. Even though she'd stayed at the house alone a few times before, she'd never dared to sleep in there. Now, she found herself dragging her suitcase into it, figuring morbidly that there was nothing Nick could do to stop her and needing to be closer to him in any way possible. The house was big, but it had never felt quite so empty.

All of Nick's life force it seemed, was gone.

She just walked around, and every room held a different memory. She could almost hear Nick's laughter reverberate off the walls as she remembered the times they'd spent there together. It was their getaway, their escape from the crazy celebrity world that they both had never quite fit into.

The last time she'd been there, it had been with Nick that past Christmas.

“I don't understand why you don't make this your permanent residence,” she laughed as they sat out on the back porch, eating her attempt at a traditional Christmas dinner.

Nick shrugged. “I like my house in Nashville. It's more...homey.”

Brittany rolled her eyes and took a sip of her wine. “Right. Because you're such a homebody.”

“I could be,” he protested with a laugh.

“No,” she giggled. “You'll always be Nick Carter, the awesome pop-star. World tours and lots of women falling at your feet.”

He laughed. Even though Brittany was obviously exaggerating, she had something of a point. “Yeah, well, it's a nice place to pretend I've settled down.”

“Yeah, pretend,” she scoffed sarcastically.

Nick raised his eyebrow. “And how about you? When are you going to settle down?”

She gave him a look, wondering what he was getting at. She didn't quite want to argue with him again, given what had happened last time Nick had brought the subject of her love life up. “I don't know, I haven't really thought about it.” That much was true, she'd always made her career the number one focus in her life. To a fault, almost, but at least she'd been successful.

She noticed Nick study her for a moment. “Are you sure?” he pressed.

“Uh, yeah.” She supposed she had thought about it a little, but no more than anyone her age did really. She knew Nick was digging for information on her feelings about what had gone on in New York, but she wasn't going to give it to him. She wasn't even sure of her own feelings on it. Far too much had happened in the last few days for her to even begin to try and figure it all out.

Nick looked contemplative, and stared out onto the ocean. She didn't press the issue and let it drop, wanting to focus on their dinner and time together instead of her relationship problems – or lack thereof.

It was a weird memory to have creeped back into her mind, but she found herself once again wondering why Nick had been so insistent on talking about New York. Now she supposed she'd never find out.

She shook her head a little and walked into the kitchen. As expected, there wasn't much food in the house. She picked up the Dominoes flyer off the table and proceeded to call in an order. If nothing else, she could still eat on the porch just as she and Nick had many times.

And even though now she could order whatever she wanted, she found herself still ordering that same large cheese pizza Nick had been so fond of. It would have felt wrong to order anything else.

After absentmindedly flipping through TV channels for forty five minutes, her pizza finally arrived. She grabbed the box and went to sit out on the deck, watching the waves crash onto the shore as she ate.

She'd never noticed how much noise they made before. Not until there was no one sitting there across from her.

She sat out there until it began to get dark. Unable to take the silence, she'd eventually gone to get her iPad, but even the silly games on there did little to distract her.

So, she put the leftover pizza in the fridge and went down to the beach. She walked out to the water and let it crash around her ankles as it crested on the shoreline. As it got darker, she looked up at the stars. All she could hear was the water, and all she could see was the night.

And for the first time since she'd found out, the tears started to well up in her eyes.

It hit her hard, and it hit her fast.

She put her head in her hands, clutching her face slightly as she cried. She water around her feet wasn't bothering her, she hardly even noticed it anymore, but she needed to sit down, so she walked a few feet back onto the beach and curled her knees up to her chest.

All of a sudden she had a whole slew of regrets.

She wished she'd just gone out to Nashville, even though Nick had told her not to. She wished she'd stayed on the phone with him longer, and hadn't let him go when he'd said he'd talk to her tomorrow. When they'd gotten off the phone earlier, she'd had a strange urge to tell him she loved him. Not in a romantic way – just to remind him that he was loved, because sometimes, she worried that he forgot.

She sort of hated herself for losing her nerve. Ever since their trip to London the word love had been touchy around them. Now, she wished she'd just swallowed her pride and said it. Because she did love him. She wasn't in love with him, and she never had been, but she'd never felt so close to anyone else in her life.

And as she sat there and cried, the gravity of the situation began to sink in.

He was gone.

Danielle rested against the headboard of her hotel room bed, waiting for Liam to come back. They'd just arrived in LA that day, as One Direction was going to begin working on their first new album in a couple years. She looked at the clock on the beside table. He was due back any minute now, so she continued to watch the news.

“Some rather sad news in entertainment this evening. Backstreet Boy Nick Carter, 39 years old, was found dead in his Nashville home two nights ago.”

Danielle's eyes widened as she watched the screen. She sat up a little, concentrating a bit more.

Clips of Nick in various Backstreet Boys videos flashed across the screen. I Want It That Way of course, More Than That, As Long As You Love Me and Quit Playing Games. These were all songs Danielle knew well, and even though she'd met Nick before, and he was a close part of one of her best friend's lives, that pre-teen Backstreet Boys fan inside of her wept a little at this news.

Of course, that was the moment Liam decided to enter the room.

“Hey Dani,” he said with a smile, walking over to kiss her on the cheek. “We're going to go out for dinner.”

“Shhhh...” Danielle silenced him, pointing to the TV.

“Nick was a member of the Backstreet Boys ever since 1993, and the group stayed together until a few years ago. Since then he'd been working on solo projects, as well as working with the acts under his record label, Kaotic. One of whom, is the multi-platnium selling artist, Brittany Cooper. He'd kept up with a healthy lifestyle, but had been battling heart problems since 2009. The cause of death is currently suspected to be a heart attack.”

“Oh my God,” Danielle breathed. “She must be devastated.”

Liam put his arm around Danielle in an effort to comfort her. He didn't really know Nick very well – he'd only met him a couple of times, but of course the news was sad. Particularly because of the connection Danielle had to him through Brittany.

“Liam,” Niall said, walking into the room through the door that was still open. “Let's go. You said you'd grab Dani and we'd go right away, and I'm hungry,” he babbled, not really paying attention to the serious scene that was in front of him.

“Niall,” Liam said, looking at him cautiously, and motioning towards Danielle, who was sitting there in near shock.

Niall furrowed his eyebrows. “What happened?”

“Nick's dead,” Danielle mumbled bluntly, looking up at him.

“What, Grimmy?” he asked, glancing at Liam in confusion over the possibility that a close friend of the group had passed away.

“No,” Danielle said, rolling her eyes a little and pointing to the TV screen, which was now playing the full video for Incomplete.


“Oh,” Niall said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and feeling slightly guilty. He hadn't been overly fond of Nick, but the news was still sad nonetheless. Plus he felt bad for Brittany, unable to imagine what she must have been going through.

“I'm going to call her,” Danielle said, standing up and pulling her phone out of her purse. “I can't believe she didn't tell me.”

Liam and Niall watched awkwardly as Danielle dialled Brittany's number and waited for her to answer.

The phone rang a few times, but finally, Brittany picked up.

“Hi Dani,” came Brittany's voice from the other end of the line. It wasn't as nearly as cheerful as it had been the last time Danielle had talked to her. Which had just been about a week prior.

“Hi,” Danielle said soothingly. “Why didn't you call me? I'm so sorry, love.”

“Thanks.”

Danielle shook her head slightly. She felt awful for her friend. “I'm in LA now, I know we were going to meet up in a couple of days, but I can come see you now if you'd like.”

“I'm not in LA.”

Danielle furrowed her eyebrows. She was sure Brittany had told her she was going to be in LA for the next couple of weeks. “Where are you, then?”

“I'm at Nick's house in Malibu,” she said softly.

Danielle nodded, even though Brittany couldn't see her. It made sense. She'd always loved going there, and often spoke fondly of the times that she and Nick had spent there together, or even the time she'd spent there alone. It wasn't surprising that was where she'd gone to grieve. “Well, maybe I could come out there for a couple of days and see you.”

“No, that's okay,” Brittany said quickly. “You don't have to do that. I don't want to take your time away from Liam.”

Danielle glanced over at Liam. “I'm sure he wouldn't mind.”

“No, really, you should spend time with him while you can.”

Danielle sighed a little, understanding Brittany's view and not wanting to press it. Of course that was the way she would be thinking – she probably wished she'd spent more time with Nick while she could have. “Okay,” Danielle said slowly, and looked over at Liam. “Well, I'm sure Liam wouldn't mind coming down to Malibu with me for a couple of days over the weekend to visit you,” she said, eyeing her husband. “You know, so you're not there all by yourself.”

Brittany was silent for a moment. “Sure. You can stay here. There's lots of room.”

Danielle smiled. “We'll come down this weekend, then.”

“Okay,” she paused. “Thanks, Dani.”

“No problem, love.”

She hung up the phone and looked over at Liam. “Looks like we're going to Malibu this weekend,” she said with a sigh. It wasn't out of exasperation. More out of sadness.

“Looks like,” Liam said. “How is she?”

Danielle shrugged. “She's acting like she's fine, but she's really not, you know how she keeps it inside. Nick was the only person she let in, really. She's going to be so lost without him.” She glanced up at Niall, and all of a sudden her expression changed to a much more hopeful one. “You should come with us to Malibu,” she said, a smile creeping up on her face.

Niall gave her an unimpressed look. The last time he'd seen Brittany had been in New York. He hadn't really spoken to her since then, because despite effectively telling her he wanted to remain friends, he wasn't so sure he could do that. Plus, she hadn't tried to get into contact with him at all, so he wasn't so sure she even wanted any sort of relationship with him.

Especially since she'd gotten drunk and kissed him. He was sure she'd probably woken up the next morning and regretted that.

“No,” he said, shaking his head slightly.

“What?” Danielle asked him, nearly in shock. “Why not? I bet she'd like to see you.”

Niall continued to give Danielle a look of disbelief. He couldn't believe she was actually suggesting this. “I doubt it.”

“Oh come on,” Danielle said, rolling her eyes a little and looking over at Liam for support. He just shrugged, and Danielle went back to her explanation. “You said the same thing about New York. That she wouldn't want to see you and look what ended up happening. You went out, had a good time, she kissed you and she invited you back up to her room.”

“She told you about that?!” he exclaimed. The entire world knew about their kiss, but he'd kept the rest of the events of that evening relatively secret.

Danielle rolled her eyes. “Of course she told me about that, I'm her best friend.”

“And?” Niall pressed, suddenly very interested in hearing what Brittany had had to say about that entire situation.

“And what?” Danielle shrugged, looking at him in slight annoyance. “We didn't talk a lot about it because she was also dealing with a lot of other stuff. She just said that you guys didn't do it. Probably because you thought you'd be taking advantage of her.”

Niall just nodded. That was exactly why he hadn't slept with her. “Yeah,” he said. “I wasn't going to take advantage of her then, and I'm not going to do it now.”

“It's not taking advantage,” Danielle protested. “It's like I told you when you were in New York – sometimes in bad situations you want to see an old friend to make things better. You're not taking advantage of her if she wants to see you.”

“We don't even know if she wants to see me,” he said.

Danielle shrugged, giving him a look as she dialled Brittany's number again and put her phone to her ear. “Guess there's only one way to find out, isn't there?”

“Hey...again,” Brittany said awkwardly.

“Right, hi,” Danielle replied, still looking at Niall. “Niall wants to come out to Malibu too.”

“Danielle!” Niall whispered harshly, glaring at her.

Danielle just held her hand up to silence him as she listened to Brittany on the other end of the line.

“I'm sure he said that,” Brittany scoffed. “You're making that up.”

“I'm not!” Danielle lied. “He really does want to come out and see you. If that's alright with you?”

Brittany was silent for a moment. “Yeah, I guess.”

Danielle gave Niall a thumbs up, and he just rolled his eyes at how fabricated this entire thing was.

“Well, I guess we'll rent a car-” Danielle continued, but Brittany interrupted her.

“No, no,” Brittany protested. “I'll come pick you up in LA.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, it's fine. When should I come get you?”

“Uh,” Danielle said, looking over at the boys. “Friday at around 6?”

Liam and Niall exchanged a glance and nodded at her.

“Yeah,” Brittany said. “That's fine. You're at the Four Seasons, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay, I guess I'll see you, Liam...and Niall then.”

“See you then.” Danielle hung up the phone and looked over at the two boys. “Well, I guess she's alright with it.”

“Yeah,” Niall said, giving her a look. “Just so you know, you're a horrible person for using the fact that Nick died to try and get the two of us back together.”

“I'm not,” Danielle said, taking Liam's hand and leading him out of the hotel room. She looked at him for support, but he just shook his head, opting to stay silent as she continued to slightly argue with his best friend. “I'm really not. It's just that she's alone and she probably needs you. You're alone, and as much as you don't want to admit it, you need her. And if you're so worried about the fact that Nick died, he probably wouldn't want her to be all by herself,” she said gently.

“Somehow I don't think that he would want me to be the solution to that,” Niall muttered, looking at the ground.

“Well,” Danielle said softly. “There's not much he can really do about it now, is there? I mean, it sounds a little bit harsh, but it's true. Look, I just don't want her to be sad, and I really do think that if she saw you, it'd cheer her up. If I thought this was going to cause drama, I wouldn't have even suggested it. But you got on fine in New York. You don't even have to do anything, you can just be there to support her.”

He sighed, and just nodded in response to her. Despite the fact that Niall was sure Danielle's heart was in the right place, he couldn't help but feel uneasy. So he just continued to silently follow behind Liam and Danielle as the two of them got wrapped up in another conversation.

He pulled out his phone and decided to send off a quick text to Brittany.

Niall Horan: sorry about nick. Dani was really insistent that I come with her and liam to visit you.

Almost instantly, her reply came through.

Brittany Cooper: Thanks. And I know she's just trying to help. See you guys on Friday.

Niall frowned a little as he looked down at the screen. Her message was a far cry from her usual ones that were littered with emoticons. That was to be expected though – of course she wasn't going to be in the best of moods.

He began to feel a little better about going to visit her. If nothing else, he hoped their company would help to cheer her up a bit.

Niall Horan: See you Friday.

On Monday, Brittany received the phonecall from Danielle she'd been expecting ever since Nick had died.

On Tuesday, she spent the entirety of the day on YouTube watching old Backstreet Boys videos. She caught herself smiling and laughing at some silly things Nick had said (such as his mispronunciation of the word 'documentaries') and felt the urge to text and make fun of him. Then she would remember, and the smile would fade.

On Wednesday, Brittany lazed around, trying to distract herself with the TV and computer games. She began to feel anxious about the fact that people were going to be coming over.

On Thursday, she paced around the house looking for something to do. She cleaned up, but there wasn't much to do as the house had been empty for a lot of the time.

And every night without fail, she was out on the beach, watching the water and missing him.

On Friday she woke up early, feeling antsy. She found herself glancing at the clock, and for the first time since she'd arrived in Malibu, time seemed to be going by quickly.

She tried to busy herself by watching TV, cleaning up, preparing guest rooms...

She wasn't even sure why she'd agreed to let Niall join them in Malibu. She knew Danielle had set that up in an effort to try and comfort her. After all, seeing Niall in New York had helped to take her mind off of the fact that she hated being in that city. Still, the two of them hadn't talked since then. He hadn't made any effort to contact her and as far as she assumed he hadn't actually seemed to want to pursue any sort of friendship with her.

Besides, he'd been the one to push her away and stop anything further from happening that night. It had bothered her, but she hadn't thought about it much ever since it had happened. She'd had far bigger things to deal with since then.

But Danielle had suggested he come along, and Brittany hadn't had much of a chance to mull it over before agreeing. She'd still been depressed and in shock over Nick's death, and the thought of seeing a familiar face, any familiar face had been appealing.

At least, that was what she'd told herself when her heart had skipped a beat upon hearing that he apparently wanted to join them.

But she didn't quite have time to dwell on it. The day went by quickly, and soon enough she was climbing into her car, ready to drive down the I-10 E to LA.

She sighed, plugging in her iPod as she hit the road. Music always helped to calm her down. She sped down the highway, singing loudly to herself along to whatever songs randomly played. It wasn't until she was almost in LA that the tone shifted, and a much sadder song came on.

Brittany didn't have the heart to change it as Falling Down came blaring through her car speakers.

So instead she listened quietly, not singing along. Nick's voice rang throughout her car as she drove down the highway, nearly at her destination.

“And how do I let go? I know I should move on, but without you I don't know where I belong. And everywhere I go, every happy face I see, it reminds me of the way it used to be...”

Brittany gripped the steering wheel tightly as she drove into the city limits. She felt sick to her stomach. She missed Nick terribly, she was excited to see Danielle, she was unsure about seeing Niall and wondered what Nick would think of her if he knew.

And of course, as though he did know, another song of his began to play.

It was a decidedly stupider one, and Brittany laughed out loud. Even in death, Nick managed to make her feel better.

“To all my girls in the USA, you've got a fine thing goin' so I've gotta say, you've been good to me, so now I'm down. Gotta drop the line, gotta give you a shout.”

Sometimes she wondered what he'd been thinking with some of the awful music he'd recorded in his youth. Still, she turned the speakers up loud as she drove through LA, finally stopping in front of the Four Seasons.

She texted Danielle to let her know that she was waiting outside and took a deep breath. She supposed she couldn't back out now. So, she picked up her iPod, took it off shuffle and just listened to the rest of Nick's ridiculous song.

Brittany looked out at the front doors of the Four Seasons. She grinned and waved as she saw Danielle walk outside with Liam beside her, and Niall trailing awkwardly behind.

So, she paused her music and grinned. “Hey,” she said as Danielle got into the passenger seat.

“Hey,” Danielle replied, smiling at her. “Thanks for coming to pick us up.”

“It's no problem.”

Danielle leaned over and the two girls hugged quickly as the boys got settled in the back. Brittany bit her lip, turning back to greet them. She felt somewhat uncomfortable, but she figured she was just going to have to deal with it. “Hey boys,” she said, forcing a smile on her face.

“Hi Brittany,” Liam said, giving her a soft smile. She'd always loved that about him – he was so easy to talk to.

And at one point, that was what she'd loved about Niall as well.

“Hi,” he said easily, looking at her.

“Hi...” she trailed off. She didn't know why she felt so awkward, she just did. Perhaps it was because actually seeing him after having avoided thinking about him for the past few months reminded her of how she'd felt that evening in New York. It made her confused all over again. She turned around quickly, eager to get back on the road and back to Nick's house.

“Let's go,” she said, pulling away from the hotel and turning her iPod back on.

The soft pop melody of the next song chimed through the speakers.

“People tell me you stay where you belong, but all my life I've tried to prove them wrong...”

Danielle looked over at Brittany as she drove, and Brittany glanced at her. “Oh yeah, sorry,” she said sheepishly. “One of his songs came on as I was driving here and I just decided to listen to the whole album. I hope that's okay... if it's weird I can change it.”

Danielle shook her head, giving her friend a sympathetic look. “No, it's fine,” she smiled.

Brittany nodded, looking back out onto the road.

“It's funny how life can take new meaning. You came and changed what I believe in. The world on the outside tryin' to pull me in. But they can't touch me, cause I've got you.”

Brittany smiled softly to herself as she drove. There was probably an awkward silence in the car, but she tried not to take notice of it. Instead she just chose to focus on Nick's voice and that shared bond they'd had over their music.

Even though it had grown into more than that, that's what it had started out as. And Brittany felt that it was fitting to allow his songs to soothe her as she mourned him.

Until the next song started.

“I'm a product of the nation, my Nintendo's on the floor. On a permanent vacation, Momma's bangin' at my door...”

Danielle raised her eyebrow and looked over at Brittany, who then burst out laughing.

“I don't know,” she said. “I don't know what he was thinking with some of these.”

She looked up in the rear-view mirror at Niall and Liam, who both had awkward looks on their faces.

“It's okay guys,” she smiled. “It's okay to laugh. The song is bad. Him being gone doesn't change that.”

Niall and Liam exchanged a look, as though they didn't believe Brittany that they could laugh at Nick so soon after his death. It didn't seem right.

“I was raised by the television. Jerry Springer was my dad, and it wouldn't matter if Martha Stewart was my mother and Aaron Carter was my brother cause I'd still be bad.”

Niall clasped his hand over his mouth in an effort to try and stop laughing, but it did nothing. “What is this?” he laughed. “Why did he ever think this was a good idea?”

Brittany shrugged. To be honest, she really didn't know. This album had been recorded long before she'd known Nick or had any idea she was ever going to know him. “I don't know,” she giggled. “I think he was really young when he recorded this.”

“Like, twelve?!” Niall asked incredulously.

“Uh,” Brittany said, trying to think back. She didn't know the timeline very well. “Probably when he was like twenty-one,” she paused. “Which I guess was basically like twelve for him.”

Brittany shifted in her seat as the song ended, feeling slightly uncomfortable talking about Nick with all of her old friends. Again, she wondered what he might be thinking if he was watching her. Odds were that he'd be less than impressed with the fact that Niall was sitting directly behind her.

She'd still had her suspicions they'd had words at Danielle and Liam's wedding, but she'd never asked him about it, and she certainly didn't want to bring up that night now.

So, they continued on their somewhat awkward way.

It took about an hour of driving, but eventually they made it back to Malibu. The majority of the car ride was silent. Brittany and Danielle made a couple of comments here and there, but the four of them were mostly quiet as they listened to Nick's music from Brittany's iPod. No one dared to be the first to speak, and Brittany was content just listening to him.

Of course, once they pulled into the driveway the music had to be turned off and they actually had to interact with each other.

“So,” Brittany said as she unlocked the door to the house. “This is Nick's casa.”

They nodded at her, looking around. It was a nice house – nicer than any of them had been expecting given Nick's dislike for anything that was overly fancy. But again, Nick had wanted the beach front property, and with that came lavish homes.

“I guess I'll show you guys to your rooms,” she said, leading them up the stairs and down the hall. She pointed at a guest room when they stopped in the hall. “This is for you guys,” she said, and Liam and Danielle went in and dropped their things off.

She led Niall a little further down the hallway, into the room that she'd claimed as her own so many years ago. “This is for you.”

He looked around the room that obviously had some of her things in it. “This is your room.”

She looked at him, half expecting him to make some remark about how she clearly wanted to share the room with him. Then she realized he wasn't the one who would have made that sort of inappropriate joke.

“Yeah,” she said quickly. “But I'm not using it. I'm sleeping in the big room,” she gestured down the hall to the room with the double doors in it.

There was an awkward silence for a minute and Brittany mentally berated herself. She'd acted so stupid in New York – kissing him and whatnot. She sort of wanted to say something about it to him, but she wasn't sure exactly what. That, and she didn't want to make things more awkward than they already were.

“Well, I guess you guys are hungry...” she said instead, changing the subject and walking back out into the hall to meet Danielle and Liam. “We could order a pizza... I don't really have a lot of food here. I haven't been very hungry,” she shrugged.

“Pizza sounds good,” Danielle smiled, and looked at the others for confirmation.

“What kind do you guys want?” she asked as they made their way back downstairs and into the kitchen. She'd never ordered anything other than Nick's standard cheese. In fact, he was usually the one who did the ordering.

“Doesn't matter, get whatever you like.”

So Brittany proceeded to order the cheese pizza, and a pepperoni for good measure. They sat in the kitchen waiting and making small talk. The ambiance in the house was a little awkward, but at least it was helping to slightly distract Brittany from her grief.

Eventually the pizza came, and Brittany carried it outside to the deck. “I have a bottle of wine in the fridge,” she said, looking at the three of them as they sat down in the treated-wooden chairs. “We could drink that.”

They nodded eagerly and Brittany went to look for wine glasses in the cupboards. Eventually, she found them and set back out onto the porch. She poured the wine and sat down, looking at her friends.

Well, friends and ex-boyfriend.

“Cheers?” Danielle asked, holding up her glass.

“Cheers,” Brittany said, as they clinked their drinks together. “To Nick.”

“To Nick,” Danielle repeated with a smile, taking a sip of her wine. She wrinkled her nose a little. “What is this?”

Brittany shrugged, glancing at the bottle. “I don't know, it was here when I got here. Peach Chardonnay.”

“Wouldn't you have bought it?” Niall asked her, taking a sip of his wine, and looking down at it.

“Uh, no,” Brittany laughed. “It wouldn't have been me who bought this.”

There was an uncomfortable silence again, as Brittany was beginning to notice tended to happen whenever Nick was mentioned. She got the feeling no one really knew what to say to her, and she knew it was probably because no one really understood what Nick was to her.

And really, there was no way for her to accurately explain it.

So they just sat there, drinking the sugary wine and eating the pizza. The waves could be heard crashing up on the shore, and Brittany looked out on them.

“Look at us,” Danielle laughed, taking a bite of her pizza. “Eating pizza and drinking cheap wine in Malibu.”

Liam smirked a little. “It's not unlike that time we spent the night at our place drinking beer and eating Chinese takeaway.”

They all laughed. Brittany remembered that night well, and even though it had been years ago her stomach still churned slightly at the thought. Chinese food and heavy beer were not a good mix.

“I'd nearly forgotten about that,” Niall said, shooting Liam a look. “Thanks a lot.”

Danielle rolled her eyes. “Says you, the bottomless pit. Why don't you save some pizza for the rest of us?” she joked, glancing at the four slices on his plate.

“I didn't eat anything all day!”

Liam rolled his eyes. “Right, so when we went to In-N-Out Burger for lunch, that didn't count?”

“I forgot about that.”

The four of them laughed and Brittany couldn't help but feel a little better. In the midst of her grief, she was glad to know that some things would never change. They sat and ate dinner, reliving old memories that the four of them had shared when they used to be a unit so long ago.

Even though it was a bit awkward, she was glad that she wasn't sitting on the deck alone.

After dinner, the four of them weren't sure what to do so they settled into the living room to watch a movie. It had been something of a long day, and by the end of it, Danielle was asleep on Liam's shoulder.

“I guess we'll be off to bed, then.” Liam said, gently nudging Danielle awake.

“Night,” Brittany said, looking over at the two of them. She glanced over at Niall.

“Yeah,” he said, standing up and stretching a little. “I think I'll be off to bed too.”

Brittany nodded at him, but didn't say anything. She wasn't going to go to bed yet, but she didn't really mind that the others were. In fact, she needed some time alone.

Niall walked up the stairs behind Liam and Danielle and nodded a quick goodnight to them before heading to his own guest room. That in itself was weird, since Brittany had basically given him what had appeared to be her room in the house. Even though she wasn't sharing it with him, he still felt awkward standing in it. He wasn't even sure what he was doing in Malibu – Danielle had said that him being there would probably help to make Brittany feel better, but as far as he could tell, he was only making things more awkward.

He didn't know what to say aside from the awkward conversations that he felt he was forcing his way into. He found himself not knowing what to say to her – aside from the fact that he was sorry he'd never contacted her after they'd met up again in New York. He didn't know why he hadn't – he had every intention of texting her, but he never knew what would have been appropriate to say.

Besides, he was sure if she'd really wanted to talk to him, she would have texted him herself. After all, she had been the one to end their relationship in the first place. He figured the ball should be in her court to take any sort of steps towards the two of them being friendly again.

Nevermind the fact that she'd been the one to kiss him, but he was sure that was just because she'd been drunk.

Sighing, he picked up his bag and rummaged through it, opting to try and forget about all of this for the rest of the evening.

He glanced upwards and looked out the window. The beachfront property really was amazing. He wasn't sure he could live in a place such as this, but it was certainly nice to spend a few days there.

Then he squinted slightly, noticing Brittany walk out to the beach area and sit herself down in the sand. She obviously wasn't aware he was watching her. What was she doing?

It was clear to him that Nick's death was affecting her more than she'd let on. It was hard not to tell – the way her eyes glossed over when he was mentioned and how there was suddenly a thick silence. Brittany acted as though she was okay, when in truth, she really wasn't.

He felt bad for her as he watched her just sitting there alone on the beach. He dropped his bag from his hands and took a deep breath. Now was probably as good an opportunity as any to take that first step. He quietly walked out of the room, trying to make as little noise as possible as he made his way out to the beach.

Brittany stared out at the water in front of her. The waves were calmly pooling up against the shore, cresting only slightly.

She held her knees tight against her chest as the water sparkled. It was beautiful and it was her favourite thing about Nick's Malibu residence, just as it had been his.

And just like that, tears formed in her eyes as they did every night. The pain in her chest got greater, and she choked back a sob. The water in front of her was clear, but the sight grew hazy as the tears that had formed in her eyes started to fall.

When she was sitting out here alone at night, watching the stars and the water, she let go. She tried so hard to be strong for everyone else, but this moment, when she was alone on the beach, when she could almost feel Nick's presence, and yet at the same time miss it so greatly, she couldn't hold it in. So, she let herself cry and miss him, watching the waves move up and down against the dark backdrop of the sky.

She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't hear the footsteps coming up behind her.

“Hey,” the sound of a familiar voice came. “Are you alright?”

Brittany glanced up at Niall, who was standing about a foot away from her, looking at her cautiously.

She wiped a few tears from her eyes, but her face was still stained and her eyes were still red. There was no use lying to him and she wasn't even sure she wanted to. She was so sick of keeping everything bottled up inside. “No,” she admitted, “I'm not.”

Niall nodded at her knowingly, and glanced down at the area beside her, as if asking if it was okay if he could sit. Brittany nodded her head at him. She'd wanted to be alone, but she found herself not minding the company.

“Sorry your friend died,” he said sincerely, looking out onto the ocean, just as she was.

“Thanks,” Brittany mumbled, still looking out at the water. “Why'd you come out here?” she asked, after a couple of moments of silence.

Niall shrugged. “I saw you walking out here through the window. I wanted to come talk to you and see how you were doing...”

She just nodded, almost wishing it was more awkward. That would have given her something else to focus on other than that fact that her best friend was gone. But now that she was sitting here and allowing herself to actually open up and deal with that, the awkwardness of having to save face was gone.

It was almost the same as when she'd gone to New York. She let her guard down and felt a little bit more at ease, which was strange for her, because it had been up for so long.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Niall asked, turning his head a little to try and meet her eyes.

Brittany shrugged. There wasn't much to tell. Nick's death was going to leave a void in her that would never quite be filled. “I just can't believe he's gone,” she whispered.

Niall just looked at her sympathetically.

“I know you probably think it's stupid, but he was my best friend in the entire world. No one got me like he did. Sometimes I felt like we were the same person split in two. And now that he's just all of a sudden gone, I just can't...” she trailed off, not knowing what else to say and feeling that lump of sadness start to rise in her throat again.

“I don't think it's stupid,” Niall said quietly, while shaking his head. “You're lucky to have had a friend like that.”

Brittany shrugged. “And now he's gone,” she said sadly.

“He's not really gone,” Niall said. “I mean he is, but you still have all those memories together.”

Brittany nodded. That much was true, she supposed. “I just can't stop thinking about him, and how great of a person he was. And how much fun we always had together, even that first time on the cruise we clicked so fast...” she trailed off, almost forgetting the reason she'd been able to go on the cruise in the first place. “I'm really sorry about that,” she admitted, looking at him.

“What? That you went on the cruise?” he asked, raising his eyebrow. “Don't worry about it, it was years ago.”

“No,” Brittany said, looking at him. She figured she might as well admit everything else, now that she was sitting here and spilling all of her other feelings to him. “I meant for breaking up with you like that. I'm sorry,” she said softly.

Niall just shrugged. “I deserved it, I did sleep with that other girl.”

Brittany nodded slowly. “Yeah, you did, but I wasn't ready for the relationship that we had, and I bailed. When we were together, I always felt like I was constantly going two separate ways. I wanted to be here in the states, doing my music stuff, but I also always wanted to be with you. I couldn't have both and as hard as I tried it just didn't work. When you did that – because I didn't want to move with you to London, by the way, I just took it as an excuse to end it and go do what I wanted to do. I was selfish, and I'm sorry.”

Niall contemplated that for a moment. “What made you think of all that?” he asked her.

Brittany glanced out at the water. “Just thinking about the cruise... Nick told me all of that. He was so right and I just didn't even see it. If I'd have had it my way, I would have stayed with you forever, trying my best to be in two places at once and it wouldn't have been fair to either of us.” She looked at him. The breeze caught his hair a little, and she smiled to herself.

“It's not completely your fault,” Niall said, turning to face her. “I felt awful, and there were so many nights I cried myself to sleep,” he admitted sheepishly. “I know you needed to go out and do your own thing, but it doesn't excuse what I did and I'm sorry.”

Brittany shook her head. She didn't care anymore. They were older now, and she hoped a little wiser. They had more freedom and flexibility now than they did when everything was fresh and new and they were stuck in the world of being teen idols.

It was almost unbelievable that they were sitting here, having this conversation. Normally she wouldn't have opened up to him quite so easily, but she found herself wanting to clear the air and fix things with him. She hadn't told Nick how much she'd cared about him when she'd had the chance, and she wasn't going to let herself make the same mistake again.

“I wish you would have spent the night with me in New York,” she whispered almost inaudibly. “I must have dreamt about it, because I woke up the next morning thinking you were going to be there and when you weren't I was disappointed.”

“You were drunk,” he said seriously. “I wasn't going to do that to you.”

“I'm not drunk now,” she said almost instantly, looking at him intently. He had changed – he was a little more direct now than he had been when they were younger. His hair was a darker colour, save for a few glistening highlights. He was a bit stockier, but his eyes were the same clear blue that they had been when she'd first met him. They were the same ones that she remembered staring into as he sang to her, while she mentally begged for him to kiss her.

Now, she found herself in the very same situation again.

“Niall...” she whispered, leaning in closer to him. Their noses touched and she closed her eyes as he too leaned in.

“Wait,” he said softly, their lips nearly brushing together. “Don't do this if you're just trying to get over him.”

“I'm not,” Brittany said quietly, and she truly wasn't. “I was never in love with him... because I was always in love with you.”

That was all it took for Niall to close his eyes and press his lips against hers. They kissed easily, not stopping after a couple of seconds like they had the last time. Instead, Brittany moved closer to him, gripping his t-shirt with her hands. She pushed herself against him, and the two of them toppled over in the sand.

Neither of them commented on the ridiculousness of the situation as Brittany leaned down to kiss him again. Niall reached upwards, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her tightly. He broke their kiss slightly and half opened his eyes. “Are we actually doing this?” he asked cautiously.

“Yeah,” Brittany said. She lowered her head to kiss him but instead of kissing her back he sat up a little, gently pushing her away. She sighed a little bit, thinking that he was going to come up with some excuse as to why they shouldn't.

But he didn't. He stood up and outstretched his hand towards her. “We should go inside then,” he said.

She nodded, taking his hand and allowing him to help her up. She took one final look back out at the water as they made their way into the house and smiled a little. Finally, she was beginning to feel better about everything.

Brittany awoke early the next morning. The comforter was tangled around her and she rolled over slightly, crashing right into Niall. He just stirred and snuggled up closer to her, a smile playing on his lips as he slept.

She glanced around the room a little and sighed happily, closing her eyes. Of all the places that she thought she might be waking up next to Niall again, her bedroom in Nick's house certainly wasn't at the top of the list. But she was glad it had happened that way . She was comfortable there and it was better than being in a hotel where they would have to go through the awkwardness of leaving the room together. This way at least they had privacy.

She took a deep breath and tried to fall asleep again, but after a couple of minutes her efforts proved to be futile. She was far too restless after everything that had happened the night before. So, she kissed Niall on the cheek and gently snuck out of the bed to go sit in the kitchen.

Minutes later she was standing in front of the coffee maker as it dripped. The vanilla bean flavour had always been Nick's favourite, and Brittany smiled softly as she let the familiar scent remind her of him.

She briefly wondered what he would have thought had he known she'd effectively gotten back together with Niall. Nick had always been protective of her and as such had never been Niall's biggest fan to say the least. The way he had lost his mind after finding about about New York made her wonder if he'd be disappointed in her. She wasn't sure because after that weekend he'd never brought it up again.

Choosing not to dwell on it, she poured herself a cup of coffee and left to go sit on the deck. She sipped it thoughtfully, watching the water lap up on the shore.

“Morning, sunshine,” Danielle said from behind her, peeking out the door.

“Morning,” Brittany smiled. “There's coffee in the kitchen if you want some.”

Danielle nodded and returned a couple minutes later with a mug of her own. She sat down in the chair opposite Brittany and looked out on to the water. “Did you sleep well?”

Brittany smiled to herself. She hadn't slept as well as she had the night before since Nick had passed away, and she was quite sure she knew why. “Yeah, I did,” she said happily. “Did you?”

Danielle nodded. “Yeah I did, except for the couple having sex in the room down the hall.”

“Oh really? I didn't hear that.” Brittany said, not daring to make eye contact with her friend. It was hard for her to hide the smile on her face as she remembered the events of the night before – Niall kissing her again for the first time, his bright blue eyes watching her lovingly as they walked hand-in-hand back up to the house, the weight of his body on top of hers...

“Brittany,” Danielle said seriously. “What happened?”

“What?” Brittany asked with a slight laugh, turning to look at her. “You want me to give you the play-by-play?”

“Yes!” Danielle exclaimed, nodding as though it was obvious. “I mean, not the sex part, but the stuff leading up to it. How did you two go from dancing around each other awkwardly to dancing with each other...in bed... naked?” she laughed.

“Oh my God,” Brittany groaned, putting her head in her hands. “I can't believe you just said that.”

“Why?” Danielle asked, still grinning as she watched her get even more embarrassed. “Is it awkward?”

“Yeah!” Brittany nodded, still keeping her head in her hands.

“Good, now you know how I feel. And since I had to hear that part, I deserve to hear the rest of the story, yeah?”

Brittany rolled her eyes, but she figured Danielle had a point. “Fine,” she said, sitting back up straight in her chair and glancing at her friend. “After you guys went to bed, I went out to the beach to sit there and look at the water and be sad about Nick,” she said, taking a deep breath. She felt sort of ashamed to be admitting such a thing, thinking it was even more ridiculous when she said it out loud.

But Danielle just looked at her sympathetically.

So Brittany shook her head a little and continued, trying to sort out her thoughts as she went. “Anyway, I guess he saw me, because he came out there and asked me if I was okay. And I was just so sad and I wasn't okay, so I told him that I wasn't. And we talked for a bit about a whole bunch of stuff. And Dani, I just...” Brittany trailed off, looking at her friend, and then looking out at the water.

Danielle didn't say anything, she just took a sip of her coffee and waited for her to gather her thoughts.

“It's just,” Brittany said, looking at Danielle again. “I told him I love him.”

Danielle's eyes widened. She hadn't expected Brittany to say that. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Brittany said, feeling a little more at ease talking about this as she went on. “He asked me if I had feelings for Nick, and I told him I didn't because he was the one I was in love with. I just felt so much better when he was out there with me, and being with him just makes all that bad stuff seem not so bad, you know?”

“Yeah,” Danielle nodded knowingly. “I know.”

Brittany smiled softly, looking down into her coffee cup. “When he kissed me, I just never wanted to stop kissing him. I just felt so happy... and now I feel sort of guilty for feeling happy,” she said sheepishly.

“You look happy,” Danielle said seriously. “You look a lot better than you did yesterday. I know you're still sad about Nick, but that doesn't mean you can't be happy about what happened with Niall. I think Nick would want you to be happy.”

Brittany just nodded, hoping that Danielle was right about that.

“Are you back together, then?” Danielle asked cautiously, looking at Brittany.

Brittany actually wasn't sure. They hadn't had that talk yet. She had assumed as much was going to happen, but at that moment she couldn't say for sure one way or the other. “I don't know,” she said finally.

“Well, did he say he loved you too?” Danielle asked.

“Yeah,” Brittany said, that smile returning to her face. “He did, right before we fell asleep.”

Their conversation was cut short as they heard the sliding doors open. They looked back, seeing Niall stepping out onto the deck to join them. “Morning girls,” he said sleepily.

Danielle looked over at Brittany and smiled. “I guess that's my cue to go see if Liam's awake,” she said, picking up her coffee and leaving Brittany and Niall alone.

Niall sat down in the chair Danielle had just left, and slid it closer to Brittany.

“Morning,” she said with a smile. “What're you doing up so early?”

Niall brushed Brittany's hair behind her ear and looked at her lovingly. “I couldn't get back to sleep after you left,” he said softly.

Normally Brittany would have made some sort of sassy remark, but she refrained. For now, she just wanted to bask in the moment. “Sorry,” she said with a slight smile. “Other than that did you sleep well?”

He nodded. “I did. Did you?”

“It was the best sleep I've had in a while,” she admitted easily.

“Oh yeah?” he grinned cheekily. “Why's that?”

“Because I was beside you,” she said quietly. “And I love you.”

“I love you too,” he said softly, leaning over and kissing her on the cheek.

The two of them sat there quietly for a moment. They knew they needed to have a conversation, but neither of them knew how to start it.

“Thanks for coming out the check on me last night,” she said quickly, thinking that was as good an opener as any. “You really helped.”

“You're welcome,” he said. “And I'm glad you're feeling a bit better.”

She sighed a little, still looking at him. She was sure she should have felt more nervous, but she didn't. That was a big part of the reason she knew she was making the right decision. “Yesterday I told you that when we were younger I wasn't ready for the type of relationship that you wanted. But... I think I am now.”

“Yeah?” he asked with a grin. “So if I asked you to move with me to London you wouldn't get upset?” he joked.

She laughed a little bit, thinking about how ridiculous that all was. “Why?” she asked him with a smirk. “Are you asking me to move to London?”

“No,” he said seriously. “But it's good to know that moving our relationship forward isn't totally off the table.”

“It's not,” she said softly, leaning in to kiss him. The kiss was short, soft and sweet, but it held everything it needed to. After being apart for so long, they were finally back together.

Later that afternoon, the four of them were seated at the Chili's not far from the house. Going out for lunch had seemed like a good idea until Brittany realized there were only two places she knew of in the area. The Chinese food restaurant she and Nick went to at Christmas and Chili's.

She'd been outvoted, and Chili's was where they had ended up.

Brittany thumbed through the menu, not really caring for much of the food they had. The only thing she ever ate there was the Awesome Blossom and whatever Nick ordered.

She tossed her menu on the table. “What're you guys having?” she asked.

The others shrugged and rattled off what they were ordering. Nothing of which sounded appetizing to Brittany, but to be fair she wasn't very hungry. She decided to just order whatever Danielle was having and looked at the others.

“Do you guys want to get an Awesome Blossom?” she asked, as though it was automatic. It wouldn't have felt right to be at Chili's and not order one.

“What?” Niall asked, looking at her.

“It's like... an onion that they deep fry. And it folds out like a flower. It's sort of gross, actually,” she admitted, shrugging her shoulders.

Danielle raised her eyebrow. “Well then why would you want to order one?”

“I don't know,” she said, tracing the pattern on the table with her finger. “I just felt like I should.”

The rest of them stayed silent, and Niall put his arm around Brittany lovingly. She glanced up at him and gave him a half smile, resting her head on his shoulder for a minute.

She couldn't help but feel guilty. Nick had made his feelings about Niall quite clear – well back when they'd gone on the cruise anyway. And again in London, she was sure of it. As the day went on, she was beginning to worry more about Nick's feelings towards the situation. After all, if her kissing Niall had caused him to flip out, how would he have reacted if he'd known she'd slept with him in his house?

She glanced around and suddenly felt very awkward sitting in Chili's with Niall's arm around her and Danielle and Liam across from her. Almost as if Nick was watching her.

It wasn't the most pleasant feeling, and Brittany moved her head off of Niall's shoulder and sat up straight in her seat.

“You okay?” Danielle asked her, almost knowingly.

“Yeah, fine,” Brittany said quickly, taking a sip of her water. It did little the curb the sick feeling in her stomach. But before she had a chance to say anything else, her cell phone rang. “Uh, sorry,” she said, reaching into her purse and grabbing it. She raised an eyebrow – recognizing the number as Kevin's.

“I've gotta take this,” she said. She stood up and headed out the door, knowing her friends would understand. Besides, the last time Kevin had called her – no, the only time Kevin had called her had been to inform her of Nick's death. So it had to be important.

“Hello?” she answered, once she exited the restaurant and was standing off to the side.

“Hi Brittany,” Kevin said. His voice was soft, and not as distraught as it had been the last time they'd talked. “How are you doing?”

“I'm okay,” she said. It wasn't entirely a lie. She missed Nick, but she was happy to be back together with Niall. Her emotions were all over the place and she didn't know what she was supposed to be feeling. “How're you?”

“I'm doing alright, thanks,” he said. “We went through Nick's will with his lawyer today and he left you a few things.”

Brittany raised her eyebrow. Nick had never mentioned anything to her about being put in his will. Then again, it wasn't exactly something they'd talked about. “Oh?”

“Yeah, he left you some money, and he left you his house in Malibu.”

Brittany's eyes widened. She didn't say anything, and Kevin continued talking.

“There are some legal issues to work out with that though... can you come to LA next week?”

“Uh,” she stammered. Yes, she supposed she could go back to LA. She hadn't really talked about it with Niall or the others, but it made sense, considering they were going back there. “Yeah, I'll be back there on Monday.”

“Okay,” Kevin replied. “If you could just bring the deed to the house... it's in the safe, I think.”

Brittany nodded, then realized that Kevin couldn't see her. “Uh, yeah, sure. I'll send you an e-mail with the information on the lawyer's office. Oh and Brittany?”

“Yeah?”

“Take care,” he said, and she could very nearly hear his comforting smile over the phone.

“Thanks,” she said, smiling a little as well. “You too.”

She hung up and took a breath as she walked back into the restaurant. Food was the last thing on her mind as she sat back down at the table. “Sorry,” she muttered, looking apologetically at the others.

“It's fine,” Niall said quickly. “Who was on the phone?”

“Uh,” Brittany said, shifting in her seat. “That was Kevin. He said they went through Nick's will and that he left me the house.”

“Wow,” Liam said looking around at the others. “That was nice of him.”

“Yeah,” Brittany nodded. She couldn't really argue with that. “But I need to go get the deed and do some legal stuff in LA next week. And... I guess the deed's in the safe.”

“So you'll be coming with us back to LA then,” Niall said, looking at her hopefully.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “I guess I will.”

***

Once they were back at the house, Brittany stood in front of the safe with her hands on her hips.

Nick had never given her the password – he'd never needed to. It wasn't like she ever would have needed to get into it. But she knew Nick well, and she knew his alarm systems codes to the home – so this couldn't be too hard to figure out, right?

He never had been one for random numbers. His passwords were usually a word that made sense, something that he liked, something that he didn't think anyone would ever guess.

So she took a deep breath. First, she tried B-U-C-S, which had been the (completely insecure) code to his gate before she'd made him change it.

Then she tried T-A-M-P-A. Nothing. B-A-C-K-S-T-R-R-E-E-T. Nothing. L-A-U-R-E-N. Nothing.

She rolled her eyes and put her head in her hands. What was something that Nick would use as his password that would be simple enough for him to remember, but difficult for anyone possibly breaking into the house to guess?

C-H-I-L-I-S.

Much to Brittany's surprise, the safe unlocked. Again, she rolled her eyes a little. Of course that had been the code. Not many people knew about his love of Chili's. She opened the small door and there, sitting right at the front was the deed to the house. She grinned and pulled it out.

But before she closed the door, something sitting close to the back of the safe caught her eye. It sparkled a little, and when Brittany glanced closer, her eyes grew wide.

She reached to the back, and attached to an envelope with her name on it sat the bracelet Niall had given her so many years ago at Madison Square Garden. The bracelet that she'd given Nick to throw into the ocean so she could begin to move on with her life.

She clutched it tightly, closed the safe back up and walked downstairs to where the others were sitting.

“Hey Brittany,” Danielle said with a smile, looking up at her from her seat on the couch. “Did you get into the safe alright?”

“Uh,” Brittany said, glancing around. She hadn't the faintest idea what would be in that letter, why Nick had saved her bracelet, and why of all places it was in the safe.

“What's wrong?” Niall asked, looking at her with concern.

She placed the deed to the house down on the coffee table, and she handed the letter to Niall. “This.”

Niall furrowed his eyebrows as he looked at it. After a couple of seconds, he realized what it was. “I gave this to you.”

“I know.”

The room was silent for a moment. Niall was staring at the bracelet and envelope in his hands. Brittany was looking down at it as well, waiting for his reaction. Danielle and Liam watched the two of them intently.

“I don't understand, why did he have this?” Niall asked quietly. He wasn't upset – just confused. It didn't make sense – either Brittany would have kept it after they'd broken up, or she wouldn't have. But for Nick to have had it?

Brittany shrugged a little, sitting down next to him. “He told me I had to get rid of it,” she explained “Because I was having a really hard time getting over... what happened with us,” she continued, choosing her words carefully. Despite how long ago it had been, she'd just gotten back together with Niall the night before. Things were still a little awkward.

Niall just looked at her, still thumbing over the small diamonds on the chain.

Brittany took a deep breath. “I couldn't do it... so I gave it to him to get rid of. But I guess he didn't,” she said dumbly, looking down.

“What's in the envelope?” Danielle asked, looking over at them.

“I don't know,” Brittany said quietly, and somewhat nervously. What sort of thing would be in there that Nick would think would be important enough to tape the bracelet to? “I haven't opened it.”

“You want to?” Niall asked, holding it out to her.

Brittany glanced down at it. She wasn't sure she did, to be honest. “I don't know.”

No one was going to tell Brittany otherwise – it was her right to grieve how she wanted, after all. Still, everyone in the room was curious as to what was in the envelope. Brittany glanced at Niall. “Can you open it?”

He looked at her, but he didn't question her request. He gently took the bracelet off the envelope and handed it to Brittany, who clutched it tightly. Niall began to rip the envelope open, but then thought differently. “Wait a minute,” he said, taking the bracelet back from Brittany and motioning for her to hold out her wrist.

She did. He clasped the old piece of jewelry around it and smiled at her. He leaned in and kissed her lips softly.

Brittany smiled at him. His presence and support throughout all of this was what was keeping her going. She didn't know what she would have done without him, and even now looking at him and sitting next to him, she didn't know how she'd even survived the past six years without talking to him.

Her heart skipped at beat a little as Niall opened the envelope. Inside was a single sheet of paper, which Niall unfolded and glanced at. “It's a letter,” he said, handing it to Brittany.

That was what she'd been afraid of. “I can't,” she said, shaking her head. To think that she'd gotten back together with Niall, and that now she'd have to read Nick's awful thoughts about him (she was sure that was what the letter was about, given the bracelet had been taped to it, and all.) wasn't something she was sure she could handle.

“You should read it,” Danielle pressed, and Liam gave her a bit of a look. “What?” Danielle asked. “You should. You've found it, and if you don't read it, you'll never know what he said.”

Brittany nodded. She knew Danielle was right. Not knowing would be worse – because she'd constantly be worrying about what it had said, and anything she made up in her mind would probably he far worse than what was actually on that sheet of paper. “Okay,” she said slowly. “But... can you read it?” she asked, looking at Niall.

He nodded, looking back down at the letter. He glanced over it and then looked at Brittany. “It's nothing bad,” he assured her. Then he began to read the words that Nick had written to her, while Brittany leaned her head on the back of the couch and watched him.

Brittany,

Since you're reading this it means I must have kicked the bucket, because there's no way I would have ever given this to you if I was still around. Ever since that fucking heart attack I've felt like shit. The doctors said I was okay other than whatever other heart problems I had but I don't know... I think they're wrong. I guess I always sorta knew I was gonna die young. Been through too much shit in my life for me to live a long and happy one, you know?

I guess you also know by now that you've got the Malibu house. That's probably how you found this, cause you had to go in and get the deed. I know how much you like it there. I hope you keep it, but if you want to sell it, that's okay.

You're probably also wondering why that bracelet was taped to this. Yeah, sorry about that. I know you wanted me to get rid of it, and I don't know why I didn't at the time. I almost threw it but then I didn't. I just put it in my pocket and saved it. I thought if you ever got back together with him you might want it.

But you never did, and I was really proud of you for that. You came into your own and did your own career and music. You went on without him and did your own thing, and I'm proud of you. I never actually told you that, but I am.

I guess the reason I'm writing this is because I know that you still love him. It's pretty easy to tell that you do. That's why I got so mad at you for kissing him. It's like... you're ready to move on and grow up, but I don't think I am. I thought about you with him, and I know we're not dating or whatever, but I didn't want you to ditch me for him, you know? I'm happy to have you as my best friend... but I guess if you're reading this, you don't have me anymore.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is... you should go be with him. I never would have said this to you before but I'm saying it now. I want you to be happy and I think with him you would be. I know you don't want to admit it to me and that's cool but I really think he still loves you. He did when we were in London anyway... ha!

But seriously... I know what it's like to spend your whole life being miserable because you've got too much fucking pride. You deserve to be happy. I don't know if you're sad and miss me, but maybe if you reconcile with him you'll feel better.

Nick

The room was silent after that. Niall turned and looked at Brittany, as did Liam and Danielle.

“He doesn't know if I'm sad and miss him?” Brittany whispered, her voice cracking. “How could he not know? How could he not think I'd be devastated?” She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and looked down at the couch.

It was difficult for her to focus on the fact that Nick was obviously okay with her getting back together with Niall when it was clear he hadn't known how much he had meant to her.

Niall leaned over to hug her, and she gratefully accepted. She clung to him for a moment before pulling away. “I'm sure he knew,” Niall said softly, but his words did little to console her. He didn't know Nick the way she had.

Even though she hadn't been in love with him, he had to have known what he'd meant to her as a friend. Nick's explanation made sense as to why he'd gotten so upset – he'd been sick and he hadn't wanted her to leave him when he'd needed her the most. But she still couldn't understand how Nick could have even thought that was a possibility.

“At least you know he's okay with you and Nialler,” Danielle said softly.

“Yeah.” She supposed that much was true, but she didn't really want to think about it anymore. It was making her far too upset. “Do you guys just want to watch a movie or something? Nick had tons,” she said, motioning to the shelving unit on the other side of the room.

Liam nodded and went to go grab a disc out of the collection. Brittany leaned her head on Niall's shoulder once they'd started watching whatever movie he'd chosen.

She tried not to focus on Nick's obvious insecurity about their friendship. Instead, she chose to enjoy the company of her boyfriend, because despite all of her grief and confusion over Nick, she was glad he was there with her.

Unlike the night before, Brittany found it difficult to fall asleep.

Her mind continually drifted between being annoyed with Nick for leaving her such a letter, instead of just having the balls to say those things to her face, to being sad be was gone.

She sighed, thinking back to when they’d first become close friends while on the cruise. She clearly remembered Nick telling her how she had to move on with her life. If he’d actually believed that, then why hadn’t he gotten rid of the bracelet like he’d said he would?

Brittany knew the answer to that. It was because deep down, Nick himself always had trouble moving on as well. As much as he claimed he had, he’d never been able to let any aspect of the past go.

She squeezed her eyes shut as Nick’s words echoed in her head. And really, they weren’t even Nick’s words. Niall had read the letter aloud to her and try as she might, she wasn’t quite able to hear Nick’s voice saying them. Imagining Nick saying anything at all to the effect of “You should go be with him,” was damn near impossible.

Another thing she had decided she hated about the letter was that he’d very clearly written it right after his heart attack and subsequently, right after her trip to New York. She was sure that had to be the reason for Nick’s comment about how he didn’t know if she would miss him.

He’d also made reference to their trip to London, by saying that Niall obviously still had feelings for her. That part she could picture Nick saying, with that same smug look he’d had on his face as he’d chased Niall out of the reception hall.

Brittany sighed to herself as she remembered the events of that night. She and Nick had never talked about it, and now she sort of wished they would have. Perhaps their near hook-up had affected him more than he’d let on.

Brittany shuddered slightly as she laid there, remembering the roughness of her best friend’s lips against hers. It was something she’d tried her best to forget, but of course the more she thought about it, the more it stuck in her mind. The memory was always coupled with how wrong all of that had felt.

It led her to wonder if it had felt wrong to him? Had he just said all of those things to her because he didn’t want to lose their friendship? Had he actually continued to have feelings for her? She was beginning to feel like she didn’t know Nick at all anymore and the thought saddened her. There was no way she could ever find any of this information out, and without doing that she didn’t know if she’d be able to go back to thinking of Nick as the person she knew the best in the world.

And yet, through that letter he’d proven he’d known her better than she’d thought. However subconsciously, she remembered feeling that pang of heartbreak in London and all of the nostalgic feelings that had come back to her that weekend. Nostalgia was all she’d convinced herself it was, but the night she’d slept next to Nick, her thoughts were consumed by the man she was laying next to now.

She glanced over at him and smiled. Nick had been right about one thing - with him, she was happy.

“Why aren’t you asleep yet?” he muttered, opening his eyes slightly.

She jumped a little, not realizing he’d been awake. “I thought you were sleeping,” she said, maybe a little more irritably than she’d meant to.

“I was,” he said, not really moving from his rolled over position. “But you keep shifting around. What’s wrong? You were fine yesterday.”

“I know,” she sighed. “It has nothing to do with you,” she assured him.

“Nick?” he asked knowingly. It wasn’t difficult for him to guess.

“Yeah,” she admitted. “I’m just... some of the stuff he said in the letter bothered me.”

Niall frowned a little. “Well... he did say he wanted us to be together.”

“Yeah, I know,” Brittany sighed. “I know he said that, but he also said that he didn’t know if I’d miss him, and... I don’t...” she trailed off, unsure where she was going with that, and not quite wanting to spill everything to him.

Niall sat up a little bit. “Yeah,” he said, rubbing his eyes slightly. “That was weird, considering the only thing he ever said to me was to stay away from you.”

Brittany drew in a breath. She knew Nick had said something to him at the wedding. And now, all of that drama was going to come out. But she supposed if they were going to be together, they were going to have to be honest with one another. “Yeah... I knew he did something like that,” she said, shaking her head. “But he never told me he did.”

“It doesn’t make sense, really,” Niall mused. “Not that I knew him or anything, but I don’t know why he’d say that to me, and then write that to you.”

Brittany gulped and felt her heart speed up in her chest. She hated thinking about that night with Nick, and had never spoken about it aloud with anyone. The fact that the first person she was ever going to say anything to about it was Niall made it all ten times worse. “He... probably changed his mind...” she said with a sigh. “After he realized there was no chance for us.”

Niall just raised his eyebrow, waiting for Brittany to continue, because he could sense there was more to the story. There always was with her.

And of course, he wasn’t wrong. “He kissed me, and I just... I guess I went through this phase where because he and I were so close I thought I had feelings for him, and maybe he went through the same thing, or maybe he did actually love me the whole time, I don’t know, but he kissed me and we went back up to the room and...” she made eye contact with Niall, not really wanting to continue, because it was all so horribly awkward, and because she couldn’t believe these words were coming out of her mouth. It was as if she was reliving that night all over again.

“What?” Niall asked, searching her face for any indication of what happened next. “Did you sleep together?”

“No!” Brittany said quickly. “No, we stopped before it got to that point. I mean, we almost did, but we didn’t. I was so nervous about it and I just couldn’t do it. I wasn’t in love with him like I thought I was. It wasn’t him who I was thinking about...” she trailed off, and then looked at Niall pleadingly, hoping he would understand.

He did. “And you told him that?”

“No... I didn’t tell him anything about you. We just agreed we were better off as friends. But I guess he knew. It was probably easy to tell. And maybe that’s what he thought, that he was some kind of replacement for you,” she said, her voice cracking a little. “But he wasn’t. He never was, he was just my friend, and I wasn’t in love with him but that doesn’t mean he wasn’t important to me.”

Niall wrapped his arms around Brittany as she cried. “You know him better than I do,” he said softly. “But all of that was years ago.”

“Yeah,” Brittany muttered. “But he wrote that letter recently. He said in it that it was after his heart attack. That was at Christmas. It wasn’t that long ago.”

Niall sighed, not really knowing what to say to Brittany to make her feel better. “I didn’t know he had a heart attack,” he said simply.

“Yeah,” Brittany said, still clinging to him. “He did. And I was standing right there.” She looked up at him, her eyes wide and glassed over with tears. “I was standing right there and we were fighting, and he was so mad about New York, because he thought I was going to ditch him, apparently. Then he looked at me and told me to call 911 because he was having a heart attack. And then after all of that was over, he said he was surprised I was still there. He thought I was going to go back to New York! Of course I was still there, what did he think was going to happen? That he was going to collapse and I was going to take it as my excuse to go running back to you? Maybe that’s what he thinks now. That since he’s dead I’ve just gone running right back to you like I wanted to all along.” She buried her head in his chest and started sobbing again.

“You’re getting really upset over nothing,” he said, putting his hand on her back and rubbing it slightly.

“No I’m not.”

“Yes you are,” he protested. “He might have thought those things, but you proved to him otherwise. You didn’t leave and go back to New York like he thought you were going to. You stayed there with him.”

“Yeah,” she said, still not quite sure he was right.

“I’m probably not helping,” he sighed.

Brittany shrugged. His opinions weren’t really helping, given that he didn’t know Nick at all. But his presence and support was at least making all of this more bearable.

“Tomorrow we’ll go back to LA, on Monday you’ll meet with the lawyer and maybe you can talk to one of Nick’s friends who knew him better than I did, yeah?”

She wasn’t so sure she could talk to anyone or who was going to be there the next day but she nodded anyway because she knew Niall was just trying to help. “Yeah, okay.”

He kissed her on the forehead and slid back down under the covers. She curled up to him, feeling slightly more at ease and drifted off to sleep.

***

The following afternoon, Brittany carried her suitcase down to the front area as she met up with the others. “Ready to go?” she asked carefully, looking at them.

The three of them nodded, and she breathed a slight sigh of relief. She loved Malibu, but she was ready to go back to LA and sort out the matter of Nick’s will. She wasn’t really looking forward to it, but she missed him, and she hoped that somehow she would get some sort of answers.

That and she felt in a rush to do something, anything that wasn’t just sitting around Nick’s house wondering what he must be thinking of her.

“Thanks for coming out here with me you guys,” she said gratefully, picking up her car keys and surveying the room to make sure the blinds were shut and everything was in order.

“Anytime,” Danielle said warmly, looking at her.

“I’ll hold you to that,” Brittany laughed, walking over to the alarm system. She eyed Liam and Niall, who were just standing there awkwardly. “Can you guys take the suitcases out to the car?”

They obliged, picking up the luggage and walking out of the house. Once they were far enough down the driveway, Brittany turned to Danielle.

“Thanks for forcing him to come here,” she said with a soft smile. “Really.”

“I didn’t force him to do anything,” Danielle laughed. “I might have given him a little nudge but he wouldn’t have come here if he didn’t want to.”

“Well, thanks for nudging him then,” Brittany smiled, stepping over to her friend and hugging her tightly.

“You’re welcome,” Danielle laughed, pulling away from her friend. “Just don’t break up with him again, because I don’t think I have the energy to get you guys back together again.”

“We’re not going to break up again,” Brittany said seriously, punching in the code for the alarm system.

“Glad to hear it,” Danielle said, stepping out the front door.

Brittany took one last look inside the house before taking a deep breath and stepping outside. Going back to LA was going to mean going through the will and finally taking a step into a new life. She was determined to move on without clinging to the past.

Just as Nick had tried to teach her to do.

Brittany shifted uncomfortably in her chair as she waited for the meeting to begin.

She was back in LA, sitting in Nick's lawyer's office. She looked around the room. There wasn't much to it – just some certificates on the walls and a few pictures. It was fairly standard – but of course the only thing making Brittany uncomfortable was the purpose of the meeting.

Signing the papers to make the house officially hers would mean that Nick was actually gone. Though she'd been dealing with that for the past week – the fact that she was about to put ink to paper to give away his possessions made it seem all the more real.

She felt like she was going to throw up, and jumped slightly when the door opened.

“Sorry I'm late,” Kevin said as he walked in and sat down beside Brittany. She looked up at him and gave him a small smile. She'd never quite known how to act around Kevin. He'd never been anything but nice to her – though the stories Nick had told about him made her weary.

Still, it wasn't much of a shock to her that he was a the executor to Nick's will. Though Nick had his complaints about their past, he'd always made it clear that Kevin was someone he'd looked up to.

“It's okay,” Jason smiled warmly, looking at the two of them as he opened up the file sitting on his desk.

It was strange. The meeting didn't last long at all, and Brittany wasn't quite sure how she felt about that. On one hand, this wasn't exactly a place she wanted to stay for a long period of time. She just wanted to go back to her condo and not think about the events of the day – or the events leading up to it, for that matter.

On the other hand, as she read the words on the papers and signed her name, she felt an overwhelming sense of grief. Nick was gone and all that was left of his life was just a thirty minute meeting to legally give her his house and whatever money he had left to her.

She sighed to herself as she looked out the window while Kevin and Jason went over some other legalities. She knew she probably should have been listening, but she couldn't quite bring herself to do so. They could take care of it. She didn't care about all of the legal stuff – she just wanted her friend back.

Of course, that wasn't going to happen. There was nothing she could do to change anything that had happened, no matter how much she went over everything in her mind.

“Thanks, Brittany,” Jason said, standing up to shake her hand.

“Oh,” she said, snapping back to reality. “Yeah, thanks.”

“Kevin,” he said with a nod, “I'll see you tomorrow.”

Kevin just nodded at him as he and Brittany left the room. The two of them walked down the hall and stepped into the elevator in silence. Brittany shoved the papers into her purse and sighed again, looking up at the ceiling.

“How're you doing?” Kevin asked her.

She shrugged. She didn't really know what to say to him, and she wasn't sure she wanted to open up to him. She didn't even really know how she was doing. When she was around Niall and the others, it was easy for her to let herself feel better and focus on them.

But when she was by herself or in a situation like this, all she felt was empty. She didn't want to leave Nick behind, and yet, she knew she had to.

“I don't know,” she answered honestly. “Sometimes I feel okay, and other times...like now, I just feel...”

“Lost?” Kevin asked, nodding his head, as if he knew. Likely because he was feeling very much the same way.

“Yeah,” Brittany whispered.

Kevin sighed as the two of them stepped out of the elevator and left the building. “Do you want to go get something to eat?”

Brittany looked up at him. She wasn't quite sure she did – because she didn't know what she was going to have to say to Kevin. But she remembered Niall telling her that perhaps talking to one of Nick’s friends would help, and this was likely going to be her only chance. “Yeah, okay.”

Kevin led her towards a small restaurant a few blocks away from the law offices. They were seated out on the patio, and once they'd ordered their lunch, there was an awkward silence.

Luckily, filling awkward silences was Kevin's speciality.

“You know,” he said, taking a sip of his water and eyeing Brittany. “Nick was like my little brother.”

Brittany just looked at him. She was unsure as to where he was going with this so she just listened. She had to fight back a slight smirk though – Nick had told her in the past about Kevin's need to tell everyone his life story. She never thought she'd be the one on the other end of any of his helpful advice.

“I mean, the other fellas were all like my little brothers, but Nick was the most, because he was the youngest. He used to cling to me, especially when we were first starting out and I always found him so annoying.” Kevin smiled fondly at the memories. “I watched him grow up, and sometimes I felt like I was more of a parent to him than his own parents were.”

Brittany nodded her head slightly. She was sure Kevin was right about that. Nick's family life was nothing to brag. Their shared lack of an overly functional family was definitely something that they’d been able to bond over.

“There were times when I thought he was never going to get his shit together.”

“Yeah,” Brittany said, feeling as though she should say something. “He told me he went through a really hard time when he was like, twenty.”

Kevin nodded. “Yeah, it was a lot longer than when he was just twenty. He was a mess and depressed for a really long time. He didn't start to turn it around until he got diagnosed with those heart problems. But he did. He did his own solo stuff, he had his own record label, and I was really proud of him for that.”

“I'm sure he knew,” Brittany said assuredly.

Kevin nodded. “He knew. I told him I was proud of him. I just felt like... he was never really happy. Even though he accomplished so many things. Like he was never really content, as much as he always said he was. And I hope that now he has that peace he never had.”

Brittany nodded and felt a lump rise in her throat. Nick did like to act as though he was perfectly happy and content with his life. That he'd overcome so many obstacles and that he was untouchable. But she knew that he still had issues underneath the surface, even if he never talked about them.

She hoped that Kevin was right – that he finally had his peace.

“I think you were good for him though,” Kevin continued, giving her a reassuring look. “He was so lost after him and Lauren broke up. And I know that the two of you weren't together or anything, but he always spoke so highly of you. I was sort of sceptical at first,” he laughed a bit, but then continued. “Because you were so much younger than him. But Nick was always kinda young at heart, and the two of you made a good pair.”

“Apparently he didn’t think so,” Brittany blurted out before she had the time to second guess herself. “Because he left me this weird letter,” she muttered. She felt awkward talking about this with Kevin, but if she didn’t ask now, she feared she’d never get the answers she needed.

Kevin raised his eyebrow a little. “What?”

Brittany dug through her purse to find Nick’s letter that she’d been carrying around ever since she’d found it. “Look,” she said, handing it to Kevin. “I found this in his safe.”

Still looking confused, Kevin took the letter from Brittany and read it over. She watched him impatiently, and when he was done he handed the piece of paper back to her.

“This isn’t that bad,” Kevin sighed, looking at her. “Although I wish he would have told someone he was feeling that sick.”

“Me too,” Brittany whispered, not knowing what else to say. “I don’t know why he would have thought I wouldn’t be sad if he died.”

Kevin frowned a little. “Well... Nick was kind of like that. He had a lot of self doubt and insecurities that he projected onto other people.”

Brittany nodded, trying to absorb what Kevin was saying. “He told me after his heart attack that he thought I was just going to leave and go back to New York and basically ditch him for Niall. But I never would have done that. Even if he was still alive when we got back together I never would have ditched him. He was like family to me. I don’t understand how he didn’t know that.”

Kevin shook his head and looked at her sympathetically. “It’s not just you. He was like that with everyone. Him and Brian hardly talked for years after him and Leighanne got married. It doesn’t have anything to do with you, he just had this fear of people leaving him.”

Brittany listened to him intently as he continued.

“He wrote in the letter to you that you should get back together with your ex-boyfriend. Him saying that he doesn’t know if you’re sad was probably just him thinking about you two getting back together and then his fear that you would completely forget about him, regardless of if he was still alive or not. Him saying that to you doesn’t mean that he didn’t know how much you meant to him. In his own twisted Nick way, it means that he valued the friendship that you had.”

Brittany nodded, looking down at the table. Though Kevin's words were reassuring to her, she still felt lost and empty. For the thousandth time since he'd died, she wished she could just talk to Nick one last time. “Thank you,” she said, feeling quite a bit better now that Kevin had explained the hidden meaning behind Nick’s words. These were all things that she knew about his personality, but she found it difficult to connect when she was in so much pain over losing him.

“You're going to be okay without him, right?” Kevin asked her slowly.

Brittany considered that for a moment. Yes, she was going to be okay. She had her career just as she'd wanted, and she was back with Niall, and by extension, she'd be able to see Danielle and Liam more often. In the sense that she wasn't going to be all by herself without Nick, she would certainly be okay.

But none of those people would ever replace Nick for her, and she didn't quite want them to. She almost felt as though her two lives were separate, but her time with Nick allowed her to grow up and change enough so she could go back to where she felt she belonged.

“Yeah,” she said, smiling a little. “I'm going to be okay.”

Brittany couldn't bring herself to go back to the house in Malibu. She was sure that eventually she'd be able to, but for the time being she'd stayed at her condo in LA. When Niall and the others had gone back to London after a few weeks of recording, she went with them.

She'd been in talks with Howie, who had absorbed Nick's record label, about working on another album. But after having been constantly worked for the past seven years, she was ready for a break.

The change of scenery had been good for her. It had helped her cope with Nick's death more than hanging around LA ever would have. There wasn't much for her to do in London, but having some time to herself to be around her friends was the calm normalcy that was necessary to the grieving process.

And after a few months, she found that she really did feel better. She'd gotten used to the fact that she no longer had weekly phone calls from Nick or text messages from him. Hearing a random Backstreet Boys song on the radio no longer put her in a miserable mood for the rest of the day.

The only minor setback was when she'd decided she was okay enough to sit through the Backstreet Boys Behind the Music special that just happened to be airing on TV one afternoon late in the summer. Niall had come back to his house to find her sitting on the couch crying about how that special made Nick out to be fine, when in reality he'd had just as many problems as AJ had.

After that she figured she should probably avoid watching any documentaries that involved Nick.

When Christmas finally rolled around, Brittany found herself feeling awkward once again. The snow and winter weather in Ireland was a far cry from the beachfront holiday she was used to, but that was a good thing. She didn't think she'd have been able to have spent Christmas by herself in Malibu.

While she found it a little bit awkward to be staying with Niall in his mother's house just as she had years prior, she was also relieved that he'd insisted she come with him. He wasn't about to let her spend the holidays alone.

They had spent a nice couple of days leading up to the holiday, but Christmas Eve was a polar opposite from what she had grown accustomed to. There was certainly no pizza and wine coolers on a deck, and she and Nick definitely had never attended midnight mass together.

She couldn't help but smile a little as she stepped back inside the house after the group of them got back from the service. If Nick was watching her, he was likely laughing.

She shivered a little, brushing some of the stray snowflakes out of her hair. She looked up at Niall who smiled at her. He kissed her on the forehead before she moved to take off her coat.

Maura looked over at the two of them. “We're headed to bed, kids,” she said with a smile before walking off. “Don't be up too late.”

“We won't be,” Niall assured her. “Night, Mum.”

“Goodnight, Maura,” Brittany smiled at her before she walked off.

“Well,” Niall said, taking Brittany's coat out of her hands and hanging it up in the closet next to his own. He put his hands in his pockets and looked at her. “I suppose we should probably go to sleep too.”

“I guess so,” Brittany shrugged, looking up at him. His eyes were so clear and full of love. Being with him was certainly making all of this easier. It was hard to think about how she'd normally be having hot chocolate and watching awful comedy movies when she'd been sitting in church with Niall, or holding his hand as they went last-minute shopping.

Christmas with him was definitely different than what she'd grown to be used to, but at the same time it was familiar. She was grateful for it. Though she missed her Christmas ritual with Nick, she wondered a little how she'd gone so long without spending the holidays with the boy she loved so much.

But she supposed it didn't matter now, they'd found their way back to each other. And Brittany was determined to have many more Christmases such as this one.

***

Brittany was fast asleep beside him. Her back was turned and she was facing the wall, just as she'd always done when she'd slept in his bed.

It was strange. That bed had been his own for so long but with Brittany back in it, it felt more complete. Something had been missing without her there and even though they'd been apart for a number of years, now that they were back together Niall didn't know how he'd survived. And he certainly couldn't fathom how stupid he'd been to let her go.

Even if it had been her choice and that she'd needed space. Still, he couldn't quite understand what had been going through his mind when he'd slept with someone else. Ever since they'd gotten back together, he thanked God every day.

He'd had a plan ever since they'd stayed at her condo together in LA after getting back together in Malibu. Fast-paced? Maybe a little, but for once they were both on the same page. He didn't care if he was being a little rash, he loved her and he never wanted to be without her again.

And hopefully, if she said yes, he wouldn't ever have to be.

“Brittany,” Niall whispered, shaking her shoulder slightly. He felt sort of bad for waking her up like this, but he was certain she wouldn't mind.

“Mmm...” Brittany stirred a little, but didn't turn around.

“Hey,” he said, snuggling up to her and kissing the top of her shoulder.

Brittany curled up closer to the wall. “You know I'm uncomfortable doing it with you in your mom's house,” she mumbled, half-asleep still. “So don't even ask.”

He didn't falter, and instead snuggled up closer to her. “That's all right,” he said softly. “Can I ask you something else, then?” he was surprised his voice wasn't shaking, but his hands certainly were.

“Hmmm?” she asked quietly, nearly drifting back off to sleep.

“Will you marry me?”

Brittany's eyes shot open and she rolled over to face him. He continued to look at her lovingly, a cheeky smile playing on his lips.

“What?” she asked in disbelief. He was just lying there on his side, facing her, looking at her like he hadn't asked her the most important question in the world. Instead, he looked at her like he always did, with love and happiness. “Are you serious?”

He nodded slowly. He would have been afraid for her answer, but she didn't seem upset. Instead, she looked as though she couldn't believe he was actually asking her.

Brittany felt her heart pound in her chest with excitement. Still, she couldn't resist giving him a little bit of a hard time. It was obvious he was confident and knew what her answer was going to be. “This is all very sudden,” she giggled, leaning over to kiss him on the lips. “Do you even have a ring?”

“It's under the tree,” he said, rubbing his noise against hers. Now, she was just being difficult. And he loved every minute of this game.

“Hmmm...” she said, rolling onto her back. “I'll believe it when I see it.”

Niall just shrugged tossed the blankets off of himself. Brittany watched as he quietly tiptoed out of the bedroom, only to return a few moments later with a wrapped box in his hand. He closed the door behind him and sat down on the bed.

Brittany sat up to face him as she unwrapped the box. “This is a little big,” she mused, pulling the paper off to reveal a Supra shoebox.

Niall shrugged. “I couldn't let you suspect anything, could I?”

“I guess not,” Brittany said, opening the cardboard box to reveal a smaller velvet one. She looked up at Niall, and he just grinned and plucked it out, taking the larger box along with the discarded paper and placing them on the floor.

He turned back to look at Brittany, who was sitting there with a soft smile. There were no lights on in the room, and the only illuminant was the glow of the lamps outside. But that was okay, they didn't need anything more.

He opened the box to reveal the ring and Brittany took a deep breath as she looked down at it, and then back up at her boyfriend. It was hard for her to believe this was actually happening.

“Brittany,” he said softly. If his voice wasn't shaking before, it certainly was now. “I've loved you ever since I was eighteen years old. Will you marry me?” he asked again, taking the ring out of the box and holding it in between his thumb and forefinger.

“Yes,” she said, looking at him and suddenly not wanting to give him any more trouble. All she wanted was to say yes and love him and be with him for the rest of her life. “I will.”

He leaned in to kiss her softly, and though Niall didn't want to admit it, he felt tears stinging in his eyes. He pulled away and delicately placed the ring on her finger.

The two stared at each other for a moment. Neither one of them wanted to speak and ruin this perfect moment. They kissed quickly again, and Niall grinned a little. “So... are you still uncomfortable with having sex in my mum's house?” he asked, raising his eyebrows.

Brittany rolled her eyes, but laughed. “I hate you,” she said, pulling him down on top of her.

Words could not describe how much she loved her boyfriend, no, fiance, right at that very moment.

And now, she could continue to love him for the rest of their lives.

Epilogue
January 2020

The wonderful thing about Tampa was that it was always warm, no matter the time of year. Even in January, there wasn't a single snowflake to be seen.

January 28th, to be exact.

Brittany took a deep breath as she opened the gate to the cemetery. This wasn't the first time she'd been to Tampa, but it was certainly the most sombre. Nick had outlined his wish to not have a funeral, but it only seemed fitting for everyone to gather on what would have been his fortieth birthday.

The grass crunched under her feet as she walked over to his final resting place. She was going to be meeting up with everyone else in a couple of hours, but felt the need to visit Nick beforehand. She'd never gotten a chance to say her final goodbyes. A moment alone with him was all she needed.

She rested her hand on the top of the cool marble. She looked down at it and swallowed the lump in her throat.

Nickolas Gene Carter
Friend, Brother, Singer
All around cool guy

She rolled her eyes. No one else was as morbid as him to have had the inscription on his tombstone laid out in their will, but Kevin had followed through.

“Hey,” she said softly, feeling a little strange talking to a piece of stone. It was a far cry from Nick himself, with his bright smile and mischievous eyes, but it would have to do. “How're you doing, buddy?” she asked with a slight laugh, if only to calm herself a little from the tears that threatened to fall.

She glanced down at the ring on her finger, wishing Niall was standing there with her. He was waiting nearby, but this was something she had to do alone.

“I really miss you, you know,” she sighed, fumbling with her hands. “It's not the same without you.”

Silence.

“I didn't know what to do with myself after you... you know,” she admitted, shuffling her feet. “I went to the Malibu house like I told you I was going to. It felt weird being there alone, even though I'd been there alone before,” she shrugged.

More silence.

“I was so lonely, Nick,” she said, biting her lip. “I was so lonely. Danielle and Liam offered to come visit me at the house, and I said it was okay. And...” she took a deep breath, even though she felt silly doing so. If Nick was truly watching her from above as she so desperately wanted to believe, he already knew all of the things she was telling him.

Still, it was difficult. After collecting herself for a moment, she continued. “Danielle suggested that Niall come too, and I thought, 'why not?' You know? He came to the house, and I don't know how it happened, it just did. You being gone made me realize life is short and...”

Brittany put her head in her hands as she allowed herself to cry for a moment. Then, she nodded slightly, trying to smile. Trying to put on the brave face for no one but herself.

She held up her left hand as if to show him. “We're engaged,” she said, smiling through her tears. “He asked me on Christmas. I never felt so happy as I did at that moment. I love him so much...” she shook her head, looking down. Nick's engraved name was both tearing her apart and oddly comforting her. “I've always loved him,” she affirmed. “But I guess you already knew that. Thanks for your letter... and for keeping the bracelet. I'm going to wear it on our wedding day, it'll be my something old,” she laughed a little.

The wind picked up slightly, but then died down again.

Brittany shivered, even though it wasn't quite cold at all. She hugged her arms around herself, not knowing what else to say.

“I wish you could come to that,” she reflected. “I know you hate weddings, but I wish you could come to mine. I hope you'll be there in spirit you know. You're probably off haunting people or whatever, but I hope that you'll take the day off to come watch me get married to the love of my life.”

She glanced around, feeling slightly awkward again.

Luckily, the aforementioned love of her life was standing by the gate. She gave him a half smile, and he just nodded to her.

“I really miss you,” she said again. “We'll all be back later, but I just wanted to come here and tell you that. You were my best friend,” she paused and then shook her head. “You are my best friend. No one's ever going to replace you. I wish you knew how much you meant to me.”

The leaves rattled, and Brittany watched as a couple of them fell to the ground.

“I love you,” she said finally, wiping the tears from her eyes. It wasn't a romantic love, but she'd always regretted not saying it the last time she'd talked to him on the phone. “I really do. I'll come by later, stay out of trouble until then,” she smiled, giving one last look at the stone before walking off.

“You okay?” Niall asked, putting his arm around her.

“Yeah,” she nodded, smiling at him and lacing her fingers with his as they walked back to their hotel. “I think so.”

The two of them walked in silence as Brittany looked up at the sky. The day was clear, and there were only a few wisps of white clouds above them. She smiled and squeezed Niall's hand a little tighter.

If Nick was watching, she wanted to show him that she was happy.