Chapter 1

“AJ, don’t do it.” AJ glanced down at the pieces of paper before him and sighed. He took his glasses off, rubbed his eyes and then glanced back at D, who only shook his head. He also ignored the vibration of his cell phone in his pocket, knowing clearly that it was his mom. But honestly, she didn’t understand this, no matter how much he explained.

He picked up the pen, looked at her lawyer, then his, tapped his pen on the wood table and finally put the pen to the contract and signed his name. After he done it, he pushed the paper away and then stood up and walked out with D. The silence between them stretched and though he didn’t have to talk, he felt like he had to explain his decision.

“I had to.”

“I know.”

“She ain’t coming anytime soon.”

“I know.”

“I want forever.” Howie stopped before they went outside and lightly touched AJ’s arm.

“Alex, there’s nothing you aren’t saying that I didn’t say myself. I know; but just know that the road you’re about to take is a lot more difficult then you actually think.” AJ watched Howie pull his shades down over his eyes and step out into the LA sun. With a sigh, and a shake of his head, AJ did the same and followed Howie out, both of them making their way to his car. “Don’t tell Kevin yet,” Howie said, climbing into the passenger seat. AJ nodded his head once, knowing that Kevin would probably offer more advice then he needed.

Besides, AJ knew Howie was right; he saw it clearly enough, but he wanted some type of happiness, more than what he had. And if that meant that he had to fake sometimes, he would, to have some small measure of happiness, of forever. His choices were limited and his hopes and faith weren’t what they once were. The more time flew by, the dimmer his dreams seemed to be getting. So why not make the best sacrifice? He knew where she stood and that was better than nothing.

-----
Howie sat down at the table and ran his hands over his jeans, knowing that his five year anniversary was around the corner; which was news he didn’t want to think about.
He opened up his laptop and went to a private document, looking over the wording of it. If he wanted out, now was the time, but if he changed, what back up plan did he really have? None. He was back at the start, this time with a little boy and one on the way. And just what good would that cause him?

His mind ran through all the events of today, his talk with AJ, the going to the lawyer, the dinner with Nick and Kevin, and as he went through it all, he came back to the same thought. He may not be truly, deeply happy, but he was semi happy and semi happy was really better than nothing. At least, that’s how he justified it. And for the general part, it was sound reasoning.

He closed the document and then sat his laptop aside and picked up his phone, thinking he had enough time to figure it out. He dialed his mom’s house phone, knowing that on Wednesday afternoons, Leigh went to dinner with her sister.

“Hello?”

“Hey mom, how are you?”

“I’m good Howard, and you?” It still made him smile, after all these years, that she still called him Howard.

“I’m fine.”

“No, you’re not, I can hear it. Wanna talk about it?”

“Not really, at least not over the phone. I was just calling to check up on you and on James, making sure he’s not giving you trouble.”

“Are you kidding? He’s like you at this age!”

“Exactly why I’m calling.”

“He’s fine. As you will be too. I think I know what’s bothering you. Just remember to make this decision with your heart, not your mind. You saw how the last years were, do you really want a repeat?” He laid down on the bed and sighed, knowing his mom spoke the truth.

“I know mama, I know. Look, I’m gonna let you go back to playing with the terror. I’m gonna jump in the shower and think.”

“Okay Howard, love you.”

“Love you too mama.” He hung up his phone and sat it on the bed side table and stared at the ceiling, thinking about what his mom said, and how right she always was.

-----
Nick walked down the street; his hands stuffed in his pockets and kept his head down, the ball cap low, covering his eyes. Although, in LA, he really wasn’t as mauled as he was elsewhere; too many other stars to stare at. He kicked a rock and watched it land in front of a pizza joint. Lord, when was the last time he ate like that? Way before he ever got really serious with Lauren.

He sighed, shook his head and stared at the place, longing for that but not wanting things to get worse with Lauren. He was not in love; hell, he wasn’t even sure he knew exactly what that was or if he even believe it. But he did know he was tired of being lonely, of having mindless one nighters and though Lauren annoyed the shit out of him, most times, she deal with his issues; at least for the better part. Did she change him, of course. Isn’t that what your girlfriend was supposed to do? That’s what Ro did before with and what Leigh did to D. So, he was just following the same path.

Now, he wasn’t thinking marriage; after all, that was so not his thing, nor would it ever be. But, like anyone else, he really didn’t want to be alone forever. Nor did he want to be having one nighters tell he was gray.

Yet again, he sighed and looked down at his phone, knowing what his brothers were doing. He could ring AJ, tag along while he went out and picked out an engagement ring that he really didn’t believe in. With that thought, Nick dialed AJ, knowing he was gonna need some help.

“Hey Nick, what’s up?”

“Nothing man, how you doin?”

“I’m going in circles. This was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be.”

“Do you want some help?”

“Would love some. Lauren doesn’t have you home right now? Or making you work out?”

“Ha, ha, aren’t you funny? Why don’t you come pick me up?”

“Sure thing man.” Nick gave him the cross roads and then went into the pizza joint. Having at least one slice wasn’t going to kill him. And he really would be working it off later anyway.

He walked out, the soda in his hand and climbed into AJ’s car. Nick flipped AJ off as AJ just kept staring at him. He finally laughed at that and pulled away from the curb.

“Are you sure you wanna do this AJ? Look at Kev and D.”

“I know man.” AJ laid his head back against the rest and sighed. “But you know me. You know how badly I want that ever after and in this work, she won’t come.” Nick stared out the window, watching the traffic and nodded, for he had heard the same story a few times.

“I know, I know. I just…if it’s all fake, than what good is it anyway?”

“Because it’s not 100 percent fake. I care for her, and I may love her.”

“I get it, you just aren’t in love.” Nick looked at AJ and raised a brow. “And what happens man, if by some random chance, you do meet up with your one soul mate, the one woman you should be marrying?”

Chapter 2

She frowned as she waited in the attorney’s office and absentmindedly flipped through a magazine, wanting nothing more than to hear the good news of hearing everything was set up and ready to go for her to go ahead and proceed with her divorce. Of course, with a dip shit of a husband like she had, she really felt like she was gonna be going through this for quite a few years.

“Kristal, he will see you now.” She tossed the magazine on the table, ignoring the man on the front cover and the whole article that talked about his upcoming nuptials; currently she didn’t wanna hear a peep about AJ McLean.

“Thanks Carla.” Kristal followed the woman back to her lawyers office and sat down before the desk, smiling at her lawyer. “So, Rick, is everything in order?”

-----
Two hours later, she walked out of the office, an official shit eating grin on her face and called one of her best friends.

“Hello?”

“Resa, girl, why are you out of breath?”

“Cause I was working out. So, how did everything go?”

“My ass is so free!”

“Finally! For a while there, I was worried!”

“Yeah, you and me both. How soon are we moving out to LA?”

“You’re serious, you really want to go?”

“Well, why not? There is nothing here to hold me. Besides, the girls love the beach, and you know I can get a job out there. And it’s not like you don’t have a friend who can’t help us.”

“Yes, I know. I just, I guess I really wasn’t expecting that.”

“You got a few months to think about it. Gotta go, it’s time for J to get out of school. Love you.”

“Love you too.” Theresa hung up her phone and looked around her tiny apartment. LA? Her best friend honestly wanted to go out to LA? Not that she wouldn’t enjoy that, or that her job wouldn’t transfer, but LA was a way bigger place than they both really though about. And it was a place that they had talked about but never really made good on.

Theresa groaned and than put the stuff away from her work out and than gathered her stuff to go take a shower.

-----
30 minutes later she laid on her bed and sent a text to Madeleine. Maybe, for now, it was best if they went on vacation first; see how they really felt than talk about moving? After all, this was LA they were talking about.

Not that she couldn’t really use the change of scenery; and if she did move out there, than it would really get her away from this horrible and bitter break up. And wasn’t that always a plus?

She sighed and rubbed her face, her eyes heavy from the daily tears and her heart was hurting from the constant ache. And of course, so much shit in this apartment reminded her of him. Well, he closed that chapter in her life; it was about time that she did the same too
.
With that though, she sat up in bed and looked around the room and than shrugged, grabbing a few boxes and started packing some stuff. With out or with her friends help, both Resa and Kris were going to LA; Resa had the funds to back the trip up, if needed.

-----
Madeleine sighed as she washed her hand for the 20th time in the last half hour. What crazy person would ever want to be a ER nurse? That’s a whole can of worms that you wouldn’t want to open. But no, not her. That was the one field that she wanted to go in, badly. Yes, she was a very crazy person.

She dried her hands and than heeded into the locker room, pulling off her scrub top along the way. Like everyone else in the ER, she had on clothes underneath her scrubs and always had an extra pair of scrubs in her locker. In the ER, you quickly learn that blood and vomit can easily end up anywhere, and everywhere, but on the floor.

She collapsed on the bench, her head leaning back against the lockers, the 14 hour shift taking a lot out of her. She was quite looking forward to crawling into bed, listening to her favorite boys and drift off to sleep for the next ten or twelve hours. After all, these next two days off were well earned.

She jumped slightly as her phone vibrated and she got up to answer it, grinning as she saw who it was from. Well, now this would be interesting. She opened the text and read it, and than smiled. She checked the time and realized that it would be too late to call.

“Vacation huh, what in the world was that?” Madeleine laughed and grabbed her purse and her car keys. Right now was not the time to think about it. With as tired as she was, she would easily say she would jump into bed with Nick’s strong arms protecting her all night. With a groan, she slammed her locker and left, walking out to her car.



15 minutes later she pulled up in her parking spot and quickly made it through her front door and flipped on her stereo, playing her favorite song. Yes, she was dog tired after treating how many people who were hung over or high? But, that was her body, right now; her mind was racing as it always was when she worked so long.

There were tons of people in her life whom she loved dearly and every time she dealt with those types of people in the ER, she thought of them and would wanna break down. She knew, in her heart, that one day she would see someone she cared for laying in her bed and that would always break her heart in two. How would she be able to handle that? With that thought, she finally plopped on the couch and just listened to the music.

-----
“So when are you coming in?”

“I don’t know Madeleine. I’m packing up what little things I had with the douche and giving those away.”

“Well it’s about damn time.” Both ladies shared a laugh at that.

“So, how are the things in the ER?”

“Busy. You know how it goes?”

“No more glimpses of Nick Carter?”

“No. That one time was enough. Man, I thank God I wasn’t dealing with him, I would have freaked. Although Lauren was there.” Both women shared an eye roll over the phone.

“Well until he becomes smart enough to realize the trap she’s setting and gets away, you won’t be his girl.”

“Oh Lord Resa, don’t remind me. He could do so much better!”

“Oh I know. I like her about as much as I like Leigh and Rochelle. Speaking of which, what was with that whole engagement? Is it just me or did it seem a little staged for being so random? Please tell me I’m not the only one who thinks that?”

“Sadly Resa, no you aren’t. A lot of us fans are questioning that whole deal.”

Chapter 3

“You have to be kidding me. I don’t have a big wedding party and two of them both happen to be missing?” AJ glanced in the mirror at his mom who only shrugged.

“Alex,” she walked over to him and turned him around, smoothing the material over his shoulders, “are you sure you wanna take this road? You aren’t in love with this woman.”

“Mom,” he sighed and rubbed his hand over his face and looked at her, “I don’t have a choice.”

“You do, but you are just too stubborn to wait. Forcing yourself to be happy won’t work. You’re gonna end up in a crappy relationship and wish you had a way out.” AJ stared at his mom and shook his head. He had to go through this, he signed that piece of paper that said he would marry her and give her what she wanted, with in reason.

“Stop mom.”

“I’m only saying.”

“Just stop. I know what I’m doing.” He let out a breath and than groaned, feeling like the whole world was closing in on him and he had to escape. He stalked past his mom and ran out of the building the back away and down to the sidewalk, breathing in deeply.

He finally stopped as he ran into a person, his hands quickly reaching out to grab her shoulder, her blonde curls swaying.

“Excuse me,” she stated.

“I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.” She glanced up at him and he started into the purest blue eyes he had ever seen.

“Alex, are you okay?” He finally broke that intense gaze, her eyes capturing him like no ones ever had. He turned around to see who had followed him, sighing as it was Kevin, than turned back around, searching for the woman that was standing right there, not understanding why he felt he made a huge mistake when he turned around.

“Yeah, Kev, I needed a moment.”

-----
He rolled his eyes as he stared at his wife, listening to her bitch yet again about how she needed this and wanted that. Good grief, one could only hear so much before he himself wanted to scream. Sure, he wanted to spoil his wife, sorta, but not when she was always expecting it, or demanding it. That really was against the purpose.

Howie shook his head and than pulled into the store parking lot, glancing at Leigh, not quite sure whey he invited her along, other than it was the right thing to do.

“Do you wanna go in?”

“No, you go get whatever you forgot.” Leigh waved her hand and D got out, quickly going into the store. It wasn’t like he meant to forget getting the couple a wedding card, but with everything else going on, he really did space it. And of course, that pissed Leigh off.

He sighed and walked over into the card area, groaning as he saw only a few for weddings. “Really?” he mumbled to himself, picking them up and reading over them. Of course, none of them conveyed the feelings he was really having for AJ and this sham of a wedding; in fact, much like his own.

He turned around, thinking there maybe a sales associate around and than jumped as he left his cards slide against an arm. She looked up at him, blinked once and than took a step back. He watched her arm, seeing the blood start from the paper cut.

“I’m sorry.” She stared at him for a few precious seconds before she waved off his apology. Both parties turned as a sales associated came into the aisle.

“Can I help you?”

“Yes, are these all the cards you have?” Howie asked, showing her the cards. As he was handing them to her, he turned back to the other woman he had injured, feeling bad but frowned as he saw no one there. He knew he wasn’t seeing things, and yet he couldn’t explain what that little meeting meant to him, for he felt something within.

-----
Nick checked his watch, groaning as he saw that another ten minutes had past and he wasn’t even an inch closer to being at the wedding. Shit, if he was late, not only was AJ gonna be pissed, but so was Lauren.

Not that it was his fault; he left when he was told to, even took the route that he was told to. But no one could predict the accident that took place and was currently backing up traffic. Of course, wit his girlfriend, none of that would really matter; for her, everything had to be prefect. Not like she was prefect; granted, she came close, thanks to him.
He sighed, ran his hand over his face and then checked his mirrors. Maybe he could be lucky and take a side street. He knew La, knew where to go and thanks to his job, knew most side streets. He did another glance around and than went down the street, pausing as he got to the next intersection. Should he attempt going straight? Or turning? Traffic was still backed up here, but at least it wasn’t that bad, they were moving, slightly.

He took a chance and slowly made his way through the traffic, rather surprised that the people of LA were nice enough to allow him through without hitting him. After going through many side streets, and accidentally turning down one or two wrong streets, he finally made it to the location. He carefully parked, looked around and than got out, sighing. He could do this; he could by his friends side and allow him to make one of the biggest mistake ever; he done it with both Kevin and Howie.

He closed his eyes and walked across the street, so lost in though that he never saw the car. Lucky for him, the car had some good brakes for he was able to avoid being tossed over the whole car.

He kept his hands on the hood of the car and stared at the woman who as in the drivers seat. She stared back, he hands clutching the steering wheel.

Madeleine breathed in and out, her heart nearly bursting out of her chest. She broke his gaze and watched the woman run out of the building and out to him, taking his arm from the car. If Madeleine wasn’t freaking out, not nearly by the near accident, but by the little smirk that he seemed to have given her, she would have yelled back at Lauren.


Nick allowed Lauren to lead him but stopped as he got to the curb and turned back around, his eyes scanned the cars but found nothing of the car or the woman that was driving it. He frowned as he walked in with Lauren, feeling strangely different.

Chapter 4

~A Year Later~

“Can you believe this shit?” Theresa looked up from her phone and looked at the magazine Madeleine had plopped down on the table. She carefully lifted it and read the article, seeing the huge ass diamond on Lauren’s finger.

“So, Nick is finally the last idiot to go down this road? Why? Why are they being all stupid? Can’t they see how wrong they are being?”

“What are we talking about?” Kris asked as she stepped into the living room. She glanced between each chick and than finally took the magazine out of Theresa’s hand, read it and flung it back on the table. “So he’s following the clan?”

“So it would seem. I just don’t understand why.”

“We do know why Madeleine. These men don’t wanna hold out for real love and in stead of waiting, they rather settle. Which makes no sense, what so ever, to me. I mean, really?” Kris shook her head and finally sat down, pulling Joslin on her lap.

“You all know we can discuss this until we are blue in the face, but sadly, it won’t change the fact that they really need to be slapped in the face and be made to recognize just how stupid they are really being.” Both Kris and Madeleine looked at Theresa who only raised her eyebrows. “What? What did I do?”

“Why did you get all pissed? Your Howie has been married the longest out of us. Haven’t you gotten used to seeing her on his arm?”

“Screw you Madeleine. But, no, I won’t ever get used to it. Nor will I, when all I ever see is that fake ass painted on smile. I miss the real Howie.”

“Here, here. I miss the real Alex, the one who wasn’t a prick and really was the big ol’ teddy bear he claimed to be,” Kris shared, leaning her head back on the couch.

“I think we all share those sweet, long ago moments. I wish the fun loving Nick was around more.” Madeleine ran her fingers through her hair and sighed.

Wishing for the impossible was simply that, the impossible. All three ladies knew how things stood and try though they might, things wouldn’t change. And the three men they adored the most, just wasn’t ever coming back.


-----
She leaned against the wall as she sipped her water, glad that she was able to get a breather. Like any typical Friday night, the ER was beyond busy and it was crazy. Madeleine lost track of how many people she had helped who were past drunk and dehydrated, a more common deal on Fridays and Saturday nights of course. And of course, on a Friday night, she had her fair share of frat guys thinking they were cool because they could drink two cases of beer in less than an hour’s time; granted, they never, ever, think about the after effects. Or what could happen to them once they are that drunk!

She shook her head, taking her hair down out of the ponytail to relieve the slight headache that was coming on. She sighed and rubbed her temples than groaned as she heard the sirens and ran back into the ER, forgetting about her hair and waited by the door, letting the EMTs wheel the guy in. She frowned as she saw the other guy get out of the ambulance but then focused her attention on the patient.

“What happened?”

“He wasn’t watching where he was going, tripped over a rock and cut his leg on the shovel.” She removed the bandage and saw the deep gash, clearly seeing the white coming from the bone but also seeing the extensive blood loss.

“Was he drinking?” The gentleman frowned as he thought about that and shook his head.

“To be honest, I’m not sure. I had just gotten to the house about 15 minutes before this happened. But, I would have to say so.”

“Thank you.” She quickly got him into a room and started an IV, knowing he had to get fluids in him. “Can you feel out part of his paperwork? And how did he pass out?”

“The blood. He saw it, freaked out and than passed out. But, I might be able to fill some stuff out.”

“Thank you Nick,” she said, without even thinking about it. He paused as he took the clipboard that someone was handing him and looked at her.

“You know me?” Her blue eyes lifted to his, shrugged and than went back to taking care of the wound, thinking he would stitches rather than an all out surgery.

“You are living in LA and I have heard of the Backstreet Boys, only a fool hasn’t.” That caused him to chuckle and the moment was broken. He started filling out what he could and every so often, he would look up at her, catching a few times where she was watching him.

Finally the doctor came in and looked Nick’s friend over, shaking his head. They both watched the doctor, who kept looking at the wound. After several moments the doctor turned to look at Nick.

“Are you responsible for Mr. Marcus here?” Nick glanced at his friend and than nodded. “Okay, than you can be the one I yell at for what his intoxication level is?”

“Oh no, not at all! I wasn’t even aware he was drinking!” The doctor turned and looked at the nurse who only nodded.

“Fine. But, he has lost a lot of blood. So I’m keeping him for a few more hours after I stitch up the wound so that blood can be put back in him. If I was you, Mr. Carter, I would really tell your friend to lay off the beers.” Nick nodded than watched the doctor leave to go get some gloves.

“Thank you.”

“I just did my job Nick.”

“I know. So, what’s your name?”

“Madeline.”

“Really? We have a song called that.”

“I know,” she whispered, looking up at him and once more, he was totally bowled over by those piercing blue eyes and couldn’t shake the feeling that he had seen them before.

Chapter 5

He tapped his black and red painted nails on the steering wheel as he listened to his voice mail, his eyes closing and his head falling back. Just flippin ass great, his wife was in a damn pissy mood and she was taking it out on him. Not that he minded picking up his daughter from the class that she was at, but damn it, that was way on the other side of LA, and he had to be there in 20 minutes.

He checked the clock in his car and groaned, hitting the delete and shutting off the call. This little shit was what pissed him off when dealing with his wife. Oh, there were actually quite a bit of things, but this happened way more. She had gone out with her sister, although, that wasn’t the fact that bothered him. But she couldn’t have picked up Ava first? No, she left him to do it, knowing he had to rush to get over there.

And do it he would, even if he had to speed. He rolled his yes and quickly changed lanes, being just like everyone else in LA.

37 minutes later he pulled into the parking lot and quickly rushed into the building and headed to the elevator, barely glancing at the woman who stood next to him. He blinked once, seeing her from somewhere but mentally shook his head. He saw how many fans in a week’s time?

The doors chimed and he allowed her to go in before him and she turned, smiled and muttered a soft ‘thank you’. He walked in and went to stand against the wall, never really liking elevators. He closed his eyes and let out a breath, which got caught in his throat as he felt the elevator shutter and than come to a screeching halt.

“What the hell was that?” The woman across from him opened her eyes wide and started shaking her head in answer to his question; her blue eyes so clear and bright.

“I don’t know. But push the button.” He jammed his finger into the button, the elevator not even budging an inch. “Damn it, push the emergency button smart ass!” With that, he quickly glanced at her but did as she ordered, still nothing happening.

“Any other bright ideas genius?” This time it was her turn to glare at him.

“We can’t be stuck. I got to pick up my daughters!” She groaned and sank down on the floor, trying to keep herself from freaking out.

“Hey, so do I; you aren’t the only one!” She licked her lips and lifted her head, her bright eyes shimmering with tears and quickly he felt horrible for his snappy tone. She didn’t deserve it and it was obvious all of this was bothering her like it bothered him.

He swallowed hard and then sat down next to her, crossing his legs and leaned back on his hands, still watching her.
“I’m sorry. I’m AJ.” She wiped her eyes, took a breath and smiled.

“I’m Kristal, but you can call me Kris.”

“It’s a pleasure Kris.” That made her laugh and it was his turn to smile, rather enjoying that laugh.

“A pleasure? To be stuck in an elevator with someone you don’t know?”

“It’s a step up than being stuck in an elevator with someone you really hate. In this case, who knows how long we will be here, so we can get to know each other.” Kris lifted a brow but just shook her head.