Dear Howie,

I know that we’ve been together for close to a year. We’ve had some incredible times together, and I know that you would agree. But there are things that always come between us that I just cannot deny any longer.

You are 11 years older than I am. We always said that “age is nothing but a number”, but too much has happened as a result of our age difference. I love you, and I know that you love me, but is it enough? I used to think so, but now I’m not so sure anymore. I have doubts, and I know you have some as well. These doubts weren’t there in the beginning.

Your friends are wonderful people, but we don’t fit together well. Both because of my age, and because of our personalities. I tried, for you, to get along with them, but things were always too awkward to work out. Please don’t place blame upon them for my leaving.

Yes I’m leaving. There’s too much to fight against for us to stay together and be happy. I know you’ve noticed that we’re not happy together any longer. This is all for the best. You deserve a woman, not a girl. I hope you find that woman someday, and that you’ll be truly happy. I just hope you won’t forget me. I’ll never forget you, and how much you mean to me, and always will mean to me. I love you Howie.

Love,
Tori

That’s how it ended.

With one simple letter, his whole world had been turned upside-down.

Howie put the note down and starred at the ink written on it like it would move... like it would bring his beautiful Tori back. He jumped off of his wooden stool, still wide-eyed from shock, and walked out of the kitchen taking the note with him. Why couldn't she see? He loved her. She loved him; at least he thought that she did. What the hell went wrong? Where did they go wrong? There were so many questions, and yet there were no answers.

He willed himself not to cry, for he didn't know what emotions would fit in this situation. Was he supposed to be happy and move on, saying how she was right? Or was he supposed to be mad at her, and his friends? Or was he supposed to feel sorry for himself?

He didn’t miss the obvious irony of the letter. It was fitting that she ended their love with a letter, the same way she began it.

Howie smiled sadly, thinking of how they first met. Thinking more about it, he couldn’t believe that what happened actually happened.


~*~ Late 1999~*~


Touring was taking its toll on Howie. He was finding it harder and harder to make it through each day without breaking down and just crying. No one seemed to notice the turmoil that he was in. Why would they? He was an actor after all… his public persona had to be on at all times… even with friends and family.

Sighing he dropped down onto his bed.

Snorting at the thought of yet another hotel bed, he stood up and went to the stack of letters that were deemed his, and began sorting through them.

This was one of his few refuges, fan letters. Even if there weren’t many in huge burlap sack the way the others were, he still loved reading what fans had to say.

There were about twenty or so this time. He decided to save some of the longer ones for the long bus ride alone on his bus to their next venue after the concert later that night.

He glanced through the shorter ones that declared love for him and his other band-mates, and that requested tickets to see the show, or to see him and the others.

He sighed. Most of the letters always said the same thing. Some even asked him to give a message to one of the other guys.

This wasn’t helping his mood.


~*~


Howie sighed. If only he could go back to that time…

To the time when he first discovered the letter that started it all on the bus that night

He sat down heavily on his bed with a glass in his hand. He stared at it silently, slowly swirling the liquid inside of it around. He took a deep sigh and took a sip of the expensive wine.

They were supposed to be saving it for a special occasion. Their anniversary.

Taking another sip he leaned back against the headboard and tried to forget that he could be holding her in his arms at that very moment… planning their anniversary together.

‘Guess that won’t happen…’ he thought to himself bitterly. He sighed again.

All he could think about was how it used to be. How he felt when he first asked her to move in with him. How he felt when he first introduced her to his family and friends. How it felt to first meet her face to face. And how he felt when he first read her letter.


~*~Late 1999~*~

After the concert, Howie said a quick goodbye to the others and climbed onto his bus. He sighed in relief as the bus started on its way to the next venue they would be performing at.

He made his way to the back of the bus and changed into his night clothes. He was glad he had taken a shower after the concert. He didn’t feel like having to maneuver his way around the shower in the bathroom on the bus. He laid down and let out a long deep breath.

Deciding that he wasn’t completely tired yet, he started going through the longer letters he has set aside earlier.

The first letter he read talked about what a wonderful group they were, and how happy they as a group made people all over the world.

He sighed and set it aside. It wasn't that he didn’t appreciate the thoughts, but by that point it was redundant.

Going through four more letters which touched on the same subjects, he decided to call it a night.

~*~

He poured himself another glass of wine and sighed.

If only he had went to sleep that night like he planned…

~*~
Deciding to read just one more before falling asleep, Howie picked up a plain looking envelope and began to read.


Dear Howie,

How are you? Really? You just seem so… tired. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. I hope that I am wrong on this assumption, but I don’t think that I am. I wish there was something that I could do to relieve the stress that you have. Maybe reading this letter can help. I just want you to know that there is someone who sees and knows what you’re feeling. Don’t be afraid to confide in someone. I won’t lie and say that I’m not hoping that you’ll confide in me, but if not me, then please someone you trust. You are too wonderful a person to let your emotions run you into the ground.

Sincerely,
Tori.


~*~

He chuckled softly remembering the shock and the pull at his heart that the letter had created in him. He still had no idea how she could see through him so easily. Even before they had officially met she knew his heart. That was why he had written back to her so vividly.

He still had her letters. He had saved every one of them. He sat now, staring at the letters which brought the most wonderful woman he had ever met into his life. They had talked about everything in those letters.

Then one day… the letters stopped coming.

Howie remembered the day that he decided that he had waited long enough, and that he was going to find out what happened to his new best friend.

~*~April 2001~*~

She hadn’t responded to his last four letters. Their letters to each other had been frequent and always made him feel incredibly happy since that first letter back in 1999.

From the very moment he wrote back to her his mood changed considerably. He no longer felt depressed and on the edge. He got along better with everyone and performed better. Only a few knew of the letters, but no one understood how much they had come to mean to him.

He frowned trying to remember what her last letter to him had said exactly. Were there any hints of trouble, or of her having a reason not to write back? He couldn’t remember any.

That was why at the moment he sat in his rental truck fingering the piece of paper with directions to her address. He had determined that he was going to pay her a surprise visit, and to hopefully find out if anything is wrong. He’d never been so nervous in his life. What if she just didn’t want to read about him bitching and moaning about his life anymore? Or maybe she’s just to busy to write back to him. Lord knows that he’s been too busy to write to her at times.

He sighed. But then again something might be wrong. He looked at the address on the paper again, and then up at the house with the same number on the side of the front door.

“This is it.” He whispered softly to himself.

He got out of the truck and shut the door. He straightened out his clothes, smoothed back his long hair, and slowly made his way up to the front door.

Howie took a deep breath, knocked, and waited. Slowly the door opened and he looked up. The tall, black man standing at the door looked at him.

“Can I help you?” the man asked.

“Uh… is this the home of Tori Roberts?” Howie asked unsurely.

The man nodded. “Yes it is, why? Who are you?”

“I’m just a friend of hers. I-is she home?”

The man stared at him for a moment than sighed. “No… she’s at the hospital.”

Howie looked up at him surprised. “The hospital!? Why!? What happened, is she alright!?”

“She was in an accident with a couple of her friends. Her, a guy and a girl. The other girl was driving and swerved to avoid hitting a possum I think, after coming home from a party they had went to, and ran into a telephone pole. The girl was killed instantly. Tori and the guy wound up in the ICU. She’s out now though and in a regular room, but the guy is still in ICU. She’s at Jamison Memorial Hospital, room 305 if you want to see her. Maybe you can cheer her up.” The man said sadly.

Howie nodded. “Thank you.” He said as he hurried back to his truck and got in. After a quick look at the map he was on his way.

~*~

After what seemed like years he finally made it to the hospital. He went inside and found his way to her room. Taking what seemed like his millionth deep breath he stepped inside the room.

‘Wow,’ he thought. ‘She’s not what I imagined her to be.’

They never had gotten around to trading pictures, although she knew what he looked like obviously. He only got a brief description of what she looked like, and he had forgotten up until now what that description was.

She was short… at least 5’3” or 5’4”, with dark brown hair that was a little bit longer than his. She had long curly eyelashes and full lips. He had known that she was African-American, but when she told him that he had pictured her a little bit lighter than the milk chocolate complexion that she was. He smiled slightly as he decided that he liked her as is.

Howie bit his lip looking her over once again, taking in her injuries. She had scratches on her face and arms, and he imagined that she had them everywhere. She also had a deep gash just above right eye. Her arm was in a cast and he could tell that her ribs were wrapped under the hospital gown she had on.

Howie went over to the side of the bed and sat down in the chair once he had scooted it closer to her bed. He took her hand gently and watched her as she slept.

Suddenly his cell phone rang. He grabbed it and turned it on quickly. He glanced at her to make sure that the noise hadn’t wakened her up.

“Hello?” he said softly.

“Yo D, where are you?” Nick said back to him.

“At the hospital. She’s here, that’s why she wouldn’t write me back, she was in an accident.” Howie answered.

“Oh… is she ok?”

“I think she will be. She’s been asleep since I got here. I haven’t had the chance to talk to her yet.”

“Oh. What are you going to say to her when she does wake up?” Nick asked.

Howie sighed and looked at her again before turning back around.

“I don’t know man, but I’m gonna go, cause I don’t want to wake her up.”

“Ok D. Call me later and let me know how things are going.”

“Ok. See-ya.” Howie said as they hung up.

He sighed and looked back her at her to find her looking back at him.

Howie opened his mouth to say something but couldn’t find the words.

She smiled slightly watching him as he opened and closed his mouth several times in attempt to speak.

“Hi…” he finally said.

(An: Thank you to everyone who's reviewed so far. This story was written on a whim and i didn't know if i should continue it or not, but since i see people still like it i'll continue it, as well as Runaway Bride. Thanks a bunch!!!)


Hi.

That’s all he could come up with when he first saw her. He remembered that, even though her pain must have been excruciating, she smiled at him.

~*~

“Hi” she whispered back quietly.

“H-how are you feeling?”

She sighed and licked her dry lips. “Can I have some water?” she asked quietly.

He nodded and filled the tiny Dixie cup by her bed with water. He watched her wordlessly as she raised her bed so that she was half sitting, half laying down on the hospital bed. He handed her the cup silently and observed her as she took a sip from it.

She looked up at him.

“What?” she asked softly.

“Nothing.” He answered quietly, looking down.

“Then why were you staring?” He merely shrugged in response.

“Sorry.”

She smiled at him again.

“You didn’t exactly catch me at my best, I’m sorry.” He smiled back softly and didn’t respond.

“I’m not what you expected, huh?” she said gently.

He looked at her.

“Not exactly, but nothing ever is. I didn’t really know what to expect, to tell you the truth.”

She nodded, and he looked down once again.

“So… not that I don’t appreciate that you’re here… but why are you?”


He looked back up at her, slightly caught off guard at the question.

“Because… I was worried. I-I hadn’t heard from you in a while. And even though I know I can’t always respond to you so soon, I just… was worried when you didn’t respond right away as usual.” He said.

“Oh.” She said and smiled softly.

“How long have you been here and how much longer do you have to stay?” He asked.

She sighed softly, and looked down at her hand that was still being held by his. She wondered if he realized he was holding her hand still.

“I think I’ve been here two… maybe three weeks so far. I don’t know when they’ll release me. Whenever they see fit I suppose.”

He nodded and began to absently rub the back of her hand with his thumb.

“I want to help you through this.” He said softly.

She smiled softly.

~*~

Looking back on it now, he couldn’t believe it was as easy as it was. From that moment on they were practically inseperable.

(AN: In honor of Aj's birthday, i decided to finally update this story. It's pretty long for what i usually write. I'm also updating Runaway Bride, so enjoy and review!! Happy Birthday Aj!)


Deciding that he’d had enough wine, he put the bottle away and decided to take a long hot shower. As he stepped in and let the hot water cascade over him, he reminisced on his friends’ reactions to everything.

The others hadn’t known of the letters between him and Tori at first. Then one day Nick stumbled across a letter he was in the process of writing to her and it escalated from there.

Nick thought it was cool, and seemed genuinely interested in their friendship. Aj seemed interested also at first, but as time went on his interest faded. Brian thought it was nice that he had a “pen-pal”, but didn’t know what to think of the fact that she was a fan or of the fact that she was so young. Kevin was wary of the whole thing at first. As time went on he came to the conclusion that maybe Tori wasn’t out for anything other than being a friend to Howie, and let it be.

The day Howie went to see Tori changed things slightly.

Nick was once again interested and wished him the best of luck, and to be kept updated on things. Aj and Brian were somewhat wary of him going to meet a stranger. Once he explained to them that she wasn’t a stranger to him, and that he needed to do it, they supported him, saying that they understood. Whether they really did understand, he didn’t know. Kevin wasn’t so easily persuaded. Eventually Howie told him that he was going whether or not he approved, and that was the end of that.

Howie sighed and began washing. Looking back on things now he could see how the others would have such a hard time excepting her… but at the time he just couldn’t understand why they could be so cautious of her. She wasn’t after him for anything other than friendship and companionship, both of which he eagerly needed from her in return.

He chuckled to himself softly. An, at the time, twenty eight year old man… needing the friendship of an almost eighteen year old girl. The thought of it was absurd when looked at from and outsiders point of view.

He supposed that’s why the situation didn’t get any better when he started seeing her regularly.


~*~May 2002~*~

“What do you think of this? Never mind, it’s not… right.” He said putting the bracelet back.

“Seriously Howie, even I’m tired of shopping now. Will you just pick something; you know she’ll love it regardless.” Aj said.

“I don’t want her to love it regardless. I want her to just love it… what do you think of this?” Howie said holding up a diamond encrusted choker.

“When is she supposed to wear that? When she visits the Queen?”

Howie sighed.

“You’re right. She doesn’t like gaudy things like this anyways. It needs to be beautiful but simple.”

“What about this?” Aj said holding up a platinum and diamond encrusted heart-shaped locket. “You can put a picture of you two in there.”

Howie smiled.

“That’s perfect.” Howie said and automatically purchased it.

“Good, now we can go. Maybe Kevin won’t kill us for being late for the meeting.”

~*~

“You were shopping…” Kevin said as he stared at them when they walked in the door. “And what were you shopping for that was so important?”

“I was shopping for a gift.” Howie replied simply, taking his seat. “Let’s just start the meeting and discuss this later.”

Kevin begrudgingly agreed and the meeting started. But all too soon for Howie, the meeting ended, and the others all looked at him for answers. He sighed.

“It’s for Tori, ok? It’s a graduation/birthday gift.”

“What is it?” Brian asked.

Howie took out the expensive piece of jewelry and showed it to them. Nick whistled appreciatively.

“That’s nice man… how much did it cost you?”

Howie shrugged and put it away.

”It doesn’t matter; besides she deserves this. She hasn’t had it easy this last semester.” He replied.

“What do you mean?” Brian asked.

“Well with dealing with her friends’ death, with recuperating, then with having to make up everything she missed in school. She worked her ass off just to be able to graduate on time.” Howie said.

The guys nodded in understanding.

“Do you really think that you should be giving her something so elaborate though?” Kevin asked. Howie only nodded.

“I think it’s perfect. I’m going to give it to her the night before her birthday.”

“That’s another thing. Where are her parents? What do they have to say about all this?”

”What exactly do you mean by ‘all this’ Kevin?” Howie said looking at him.

Kevin sighed.

“I just mean, that if it was me, and she was my daughter, I’d be a little concerned about a man who’s eleven years older than her coming to see her all the time. I would think most parents would be.”

“For your information Kevin, there’s nothing for you or anyone else to be worried about.” Howie retorted.

“And her parents…?”

“…are dead. She lives with her brother, and her brother has no problems with my relationship with her.” Howie answered standing up. “You see, unlike you, her brother feels that as long as both of us know what we’re getting into he doesn’t have a problem. We’re old enough to make our own decisions.”

“So you two are together, then?” Nick asked.

“Not yet, but we’ve talked about it.” Howie answered. “But even if we were, I really would like to know that you guys would be there to support me.”

“And we do, don’t we guys?” Nick said.

“You know I’m all for it as long as she makes you happy, man.” Aj replied.

“I do support you Howie, of course I do. I just want you to be careful in your decisions, that’s all. If this is what you want, then I’m behind you.” Brian said.

Howie nodded, and they looked at Kevin.

Kevin sighed.

“Just be careful.”

Howie sighed and left the room.

(Happy birthday to Nick!)

Days seemed so long for Howie now. Years appeared to go by, yet it had only been two days since he found her letter. He didn’t even know what day it was. He looked at the calendar.

It was May first.

That month held so many memories for him. So much had happened in those thirty-one days.

May tenth. A day he’d always remember.

He remembered being more nervous than she was, and he wasn’t even graduating. He had planned a special night for her, seeing as how it was her graduation night, and also the night before her birthday.

He smiled as he recalled the look upon her face as she accepted her diploma. She was so proud of herself, and he was proud of her too. He didn’t know how she had overcome the obstacles that were thrown her way and yet still managed to finish school with flying colors. But now that she had, she could finally take a break.

The rest of the day he spent waiting for night to come. He had told her to spend the day being with her friends going to graduation parties and such, because he wanted her night to be his. He had told her to dress up and be ready at nine pm.

Howie sighed and laid down on his bed. Staring at the ceiling he wondered if he should go further into that memory, knowing the outcome. He brought her pillow to him and buried his face deep in it, sighing shakily.

He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about that night… the night that changed everything.

Just as he started to venture into the past again, he heard the sound of someone coming in the front door. He sighed and started to get up to see who it was, but before he could, he heard the distinct voice of Aj calling his name. He sighed and decided to just lay there and let Aj find him.

“Yo man, didn’t you hear me?” Aj said coming into the bedroom. “What’s wrong?” he said taking in Howie’s appearance.

“What makes you think something’s wrong Aj?”

“Well the fact that it looks like you haven’t been outside the house in weeks, might be a reason.”

Howie sighed and sat up. “What did you want Aj?”

Aj looked at him and sat down at the end of bed. “Seriously, what’s wrong D?”

“Tori.”

“What about her? Where is she anyways?”

Howie sighed and got up. “She’s gone.”

Aj looked at him. “Ok… so where is she?”

“I mean she’s gone… permanently. As in she left me.” Howie said leaving the room.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa… what do you mean she left you?” Aj said following him out of the room.

“I mean, she left this letter which basically says that she doesn’t want to be with me anymore, she packed most of her stuff and now she’s gone.” Howie said thrusting the letter in Aj’s face.

Aj took the letter from him and read it. “So… what? You’re both just going to give up?”

Howie sighed. “What am I supposed to do, Aj? I have no idea where she went, and even if I did, what would I say to her? What she said… was right. We haven’t been happy the last few weeks, and she was right, we have been fighting just to stay together.”

“So that’s it. I thought she was the love of your life?”

“She was!” Howie said defensively.

“Well you sure as hell aren’t acting like it. Why aren’t you out there trying to get her back?” Aj asked.

Howie sighed and sat down heavily. “I… I don’t know.” He whispered.

Aj sighed to and sat beside him. “When did you find this?” he said holding up the letter.

“Four days ago.”

“Ok… do you want to find her?” Aj asked softly. “If you don’t… I won’t mention it again… but if you do… I’ll help you find her.”

Howie looked at him. “You will?”

Aj nodded.

Howie looked down and took a deep breath. “I’m not completely sure what I’ll say to her if we find her.”

“So is that a yes?” Aj asked.

Howie nodded. “Yea… that’s a yes.”

(AN: I am soooo sorry it took me so long to update! Writers block is a b... well let's just say it sucks. I hope you all like this and i swear i'll try and kick the writers block in the butt! As always, Read, Review, and enjoy!)


“Where exactly are we supposed to help you look for her, Howie?” Brian asked.

“Yea, I mean it’s not as if we knew her well enough to know where she’d go or anything.” Kevin added.

“Well if you all would have taken the time to get to know her, and not her age, that might not have been a problem, now would it?” Howie retorted.

Aj, seeing a confrontation starting decided to intervene. “Hey, hey now… everyone just calm down. Yes we probably should know more about her, but the fact is we don’t. So help us out here a bit Howie. Where do you think she would go? What do you think she would do? What would she be thinking?” Aj asked.

Howie sighed. “She might of just gone home, but I doubt that. She could be at any one of her friends house, but knowing her she won’t be there for long… she’ll start to feel like a burden. Tori will start looking for somewhere to live on her own.”

“What about her job?” Nick asked. “I thought she was working at some catering business thing. She liked talking about that I remember.”

Howie nodded. “Yea she did love working there. We could call and see if she’s been there recently.”

“I’ll do it.” Aj volunteered as he picked up the phone. Howie gave him the number and he called. Just as he finished dialing the number, Howie’s doorbell rang. Howie got up and after looking through the peephole and seeing that it was a UPS worker he opened the door.

“You Howard Do-rough?” the man asked looking at his clipboard. Howie nodded. “Sign here please.” Howie signed and the man gave him a package about the size of a microwave and turned around and left.

Howie looked at the package intriguingly and brought it inside and into the living room where the others were. As he sat the box down, Nick hung up the phone and sighed.

“The manager there said that she quit suddenly, said she was moving away and didn’t give any address for where to send her last paycheck.” Nick said.

Howie sighed and looked at the box.

“What’s that?” Brian asked.

Howie shrugged. “I don’t know… I haven’t ordered anything recently.” He went into the kitchen to receive a box cutter to open the box. Once the box was open and he looked inside, he let out a shaky breath and sat down slowly.

The guys looked at him concernedly.

“What is it, Howie?” Kevin asked.

“It’s… just some shirts of mine that she liked to wear all the time… and this.” He said taking out the beautiful heart shaped locket he gave to her as a graduation/birthday gift.

They looked at him sympathetically. “I’m sorry man.” Aj said.

Howie shook his head and sighed shakily. “It’s ok… it doesn’t change anything… it just makes me more determined to find her. She loved this locket… I don’t know why she sent this to me.” He said slightly dejectedly.

“Maybe she’s trying to move on.” Kevin said.

“Maybe.” Howie replied looking through the shirts in the box.

Suddenly he heard the sound of something metal hitting the floor. He looked towards the sound and saw a small silver ring settling on the floor. He picked it up and looked at it.

“Did you give that to her to? I don’t remember that.” Brian said.

Howie shook his head absently still staring at the ring. “No…” he said softly. “I didn’t give this to her. Her mom did before she died. She loves this ring, she never takes it off.”

“Wow… why’d she send that to you then?” Aj asked.

“I… don’t know.” Howie said bewildered.

“Maybe it’s a hint.”

They all looked at Nick.

“What?” he said.

“What do you mean a hint?” Brian asked.

“Well maybe she sent that to him so that he’d know she wants him to find her. If the ring means as much to her as you say it does Howie, then she’d definitely want it back right?” Howie nodded. “So maybe she’s giving you a reason to find her now.” Nick said.

Howie looked at him. “I think you might be right.”

Nick nodded. “I don’t think she really wanted to leave you Howie, and this proves it.”

“Yea… maybe she didn’t even leave of her own will.”

“What are you talking about J?” Kevin asked.

“I’m saying, what if her sending Howie that ring was a way to let him know that something is wrong?”

(AN: I've been nominated! Thank you whoever nominated me!)

AN: Wow... it's been a year since i've updated this story. Don't worry i haven't forgotten it, it's just been put on the back burner for awhile... a long while. But thank you everyone who kept me thinking about it. I hope there are those of you out there who still want to read this!

Kevin rolled his eyes.

“Oh please. The fact of the matter is, is that she left. She couldn’t handle being with Howie anymore so she left. She probably didn’t think that she deserved him, and this just proves that she didn’t. You deserve a woman, Howie. Not a girl.” Kevin said.

Howie looked at him funny.

“Kevin maybe you should go. You obviously never liked her, and you’re not helping. At all.” Aj said.

“Yeah Kev, maybe you should.” Brian agreed.

“Fine, I’m out of here.” Kevin said exasperatedly. “You all know I’m right.” He yelled to them on his way out the door.

“Don’t listen to him, Howie. I don’t know what his problem is.” Nick said. “You alright?” he asked after not getting a response from Howie.

Howie nodded. “Yeah… it was just… he said something… never mind.” He answered shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

The thought that something could be seriously wrong made Howie anxious. He felt the need to do something. But he didn’t know what. The notion of Tori possibly being hurt and scared somewhere made him sick to his stomach. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath to calm himself.

‘Don’t think like that’ he thought to himself. ‘Think of happier times, and how happy you’ll be once you find her.’ Chanting that to himself over and over again in his head comforted him and brought forward memories of their time together.

He closed his eyes and his mind drifted back to the night she graduated. The night everything between them changed.

~*~ May 10, 2002: 9:30 pm~*~

He glanced at her again from the corner of his eye. She looked incredible, wearing a beautiful white dress that clung to her in all the right places. Despite her age, everything else about her suggested that she was a woman of beauty, strength and grace. He couldn’t believe he was here finally; ready to express his feelings for her.

Howie focused on the road once again, before she caught him staring at her for the third time since he’d picked her up.

She looked over at him and smiled knowingly. She took his fidgeting hand softly in hers and laced their fingers together. He smiled and brought their hands to him and kissed the back of her hand softly. He swore his heart skipped a beat when she smiled at him so lovingly.

They finally reached their destination a few minutes later. Tori looked out the window and smiled when she saw that they were at the beach by his house. He got out and opened the door for her and held his hand out to help her from the car. Holding her hand still, he walked her down the beach to where he had a blanket laid out complete with candles and a picnic basket.

“I know you probably had enough to eat from the parties you went to today… but I thought a little dessert couldn’t hurt.” Howie said as he helped her to sit on the blanket with him.

She smiled as she settled between his legs and leaned back against him. “Ok” she said softly while he wrapped his arms around her.

“What’s on your mind D?” she asked softly after a moment of silence passed between them? “Is something wrong?”

“No, no, nothing’s wrong T.” he said gently. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind lately, that’s all.”

“Oh. Well what is it? You’re nervous or anxious about something…”

Howie smiled. “How do you figure that?” he asked while gently beginning to move his thumb in circles around her navel.

She shivered and licked her lips unconsciously at his tender ministrations. “I-I know you Howie. Something’s up, now spill.”

He sighed softly and turned her slightly so he could look in her eyes when he spoke. “T… Tori… you came into my life at a time when I thought that nothing and no one could ever reach me. Yet you did, so easily with just one simple letter. With that one letter you’ve brought joy, fun, understanding, appreciation for everything in life, and…”

“And what?” she asked softly when he paused.

He took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. “…And love.” He whispered softly to her. He looked down at once. “I know that what I’m saying, and what I’m proposing is crazy. I know that we have odds stacked against us for even being friends the way we are now, and that becoming something more than that would be insanely hard. I just needed you to know how I feel because I can’t hide it anymore, and I can’t li-“ He stopped suddenly and looked up at her questioningly.

She smiled warmly at him and took the fingers that stopped his rambling away from his lips. She then tenderly replaced her fingers, with her own lips.

~*~

That night remained so vividly in his memory, he could almost smell the sea air mixed with the scent of her perfume. He could almost feel the course sand beneath them as his hands wandered over her delicate skin. He could almost hear her whispered words… telling him of her love for him.

He opened his eyes and looked at his three remaining friends with determination they’d never seen before.

“I’m going to find her.”