I always seem to wonder what he sees in me. Alex, I mean. The colors of his spirit are far brighter than my own, blinding me often, since I am forever in blue. No one can seem to tame him. Not even me. To see him break is like watching castles burning; seeing this magnificent man stooping, his shoulders hunched in obvious pain like he was trying to protect a blow to the heart, hurts me beyond belief. I know I've hurt him, but sometimes you have to let the good things go so they can move on and find better things. Alex is one of those good things, and I can only hope he'll find that which is better than I.

He now has his head buried in his hands, and he trembles uncontrollably. It hurts me severely to see him in so much agony, and the ache only throbs worse to realize that it is I that have caused this burn. His blond hair is falling over his hands, and I can see the part of his hair; brown down the middle in need of colorant. I can see his fingers through the golden tresses, and can vividly look upon the guitar strings wrapped around his left ring finger, and the silver band around his right index finger.

Now, before you call me mad, let me explain the situation to you in full:

We are both famous; two different bands, two different lives, and two different agendas. I'm almost sick of the fame, though I will never, ever be tired of performing and singing. Alex, on the other hand, is new to the business and is eating up the attention like fire does to a forest on a hot, summer day without rain. He's just beginning to get a grasp on this fame, and he's not letting it go for anything; I don't suppose he'd quit just to live in solitary confinement with me. Which leads to the reasons why I need to let him go.

Alex needs someone that can handle him. He can be quite aggressive when he wants to be, and can almost be egotistical at times. Then again, with one look at him, he has every right to be. He is beautiful in every way. Alex needs someone that can stand the attention. At this point in time, I don't want attention. After the Boys' new album and mine (and their respective tours), I am done. That's just it. I am done. No more fame for me. Alex needs someone that can support him and love him at a moment's notice. I wish I could, but with the way my life is just about to get busy, I can't do that. I can't hold and comfort him from hundreds upon hundreds, and often oceans, apart. He just doesn't work that way. He needs it physically just as I do.

Maybe someday Alex will understand. No one can tame the lion, and I hope he stays that way. Maybe someday it will all be back to good...and maybe this world can get some well-needed sleep. I know I need some...which is why I'm going to leave Alex now and put everything behind me. If he can do the same, he will be fine and find a woman (or a man) than can love him more than I ever will be able to.

Alex, I'm sorry.