Chapter 14:

Why was this happening to me? I didn't deserve this. Not now! Not after all this time! I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the hot tears roll down my flushed cheeks. Why was my life suddenly being turned upside down?

' ...what you got up there is one hurting little boy...Chase needs his father. He can't get everything he needs from you Lauren. Not now or ever. And he can't get everything from me either. He needs his father, damnit, his father... '

I knew she was right, that's what hurt me the most. By keeping Chase from his father, I was hurting him, without even realizing it. Chase was my pride and joy, the only real thing that kept me going was him and I was hurting him. I knew this would happen some day, I just didn't want to believe it.

I enhaled deep breaths slowly, trying to calm myself down. My head was pounding so much, it hurt. I couldn't think clearly anymore, so I wandered upstairs where I dressed for bed and climbed in slowly, closing my eyes and wishing for the darkness to come and take me away.

I seemed to have just fallen asleep before I was jolted awake by a sudden cry out of " MOMMY! " from Chase. I climbed out of bed and hurried down the hall. I reached his room and turned on the light. He was sitting up in bed clutching the Pooh Bear Nastasia had given him, tears raining down his cheek. I rushed over to him and took him into my arms. " Shhh, sweetie. It's ok...shhh. " Chase continued to cry. He was shaking in my arms. " Did you have a nightmare? " It was the only thing I could think of. I could feel him nod.

" Bad deam * sniff * bad deam * sniff * "

I rubbed his back gently in some hopes that he would calm down.
" Shhh...you want to come sleep with me? "

Chase nodded, his body still shaking with fear in my arms. I couldn't imagine what kind of nightmare he had had. I carried Chase back to my room and placed him in my bed. I layed down and watched as he slowly fell back to sleep. I could feel the tears returning to my eyes as I watched him return to the dream world. " I never meant to hurt you sweetie, I never meant to hurt you, " I whispered quietly. I then realized I couldn't keep him from A.J anymore. I closed my eyes again and fell into a deep slumber.

*****

I sat channel surfing on the couch with Chase. " Poke-mon! Poke-mon! " he yelled when I came across one of the many cartoon channels that just happened to be playing Pokemon. I groaned silently, I couldn't stand the show, but Chase was crazy about it.

" What about we see if Rugrats or something else is on? " I tried, knowing it wouldn't work.

" No! " Chase said stubbornly and crossed his arms.

I laughed. " Alright, alright. You win. Pokemon it is. " I was startled as the phone rang. I stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen to retrieve the phone. " Hello? "

" Hey Laur, it's Staz. "

" Oh, hey... " I said slowly, leaning against the wall.

" Listen, I wanna apologize for stormin' out last night. It's
just... "

I took in a shakey breath. " No, you had every right to say what you said. I did a lot of thinking after you left... "

" You did? "

" Yeah, I didn't realize it until now, but...what you said was right... I think it's time Chase should see A.J... "