Chapter 1:

"Alex you're being stupid yet again!" I yelled loudly as he slammed his fist into another wall. Why were we fighting again? This was the thousandth argument of this week. All we ever did was fight.

"I'm not being stupid! Why were you out with HIM??" AJ snarled at me. I felt my body shutter as I backed up. He was seriously scaring me, I had never seen him so upset with me. I mean I knew he would never touch me out of anger, he never had hit me before...

"We went out to eat!" I found myself yelling back at him. God, couldn't he just loosen up a bit? He was over protective about me. And God, could it be annoying!

"And what about after dinner?" he asked, raising his voice at me, shaking with a violent anger.

"We went to my place..." I stuttered, not sure on how to answer the question. We hadn't done anything, just talked. Then AJ came in and found us lying together, not too good if you ask me. But we still hadn't done anything. And I ended up having to tail AJ all the way to his house...

"Get out..." he snarled once more, his sexy dark eyes spitting with a dark anger. I knew he was serious this time. I could tell...this was it.

"Alex...wait..." I whimpered, my body shivering. It was suddenly so cold, chilling my body.

"No...out...now!" AJ yelled, pushing me out the door with a final slam. The end of our relationship.

***

"Laur!" I heard someone yelling my name. I snapped out of those horrid thoughts and looked to see my best friend of eleven years staring at me quizzically.

"What'd I do Staz?" I asked Nastasia, using the old nickname I had called her since high school.

My friend was basically the beauty queen I had always envied. Her long honey blonde hair passing her shoulders gleaming in the sunlight, her sparkling ocean green eyes hinting with seduction. Her height reaching about 5'9", and cuvry figure to match, and the full and nearly bursting bosom I wish I had. God, I wish I was her, she even had talent to go with the body. Her singing voice was spectacular, and her dancing moves, wow!

"Nothing, you were spacing again." Nastasia laughed as her ocean green eyes twinkled with mischeif. I glared at her envingly again, it's not that I was a total dog...

I had sandy blonde hair cutting off short below my shoulders. I had some what of a curve with an okay bosom. I had to say that the boys did flock over me very much too, I was slim and perfect. Perfect in my own way. And my dark sapphire blue eyes killed them. Plus I had to admit I was somewhat of a songwriter, combining my talent with Nastasia's singing and dancing ability.

"Oh...how long were you there for?" I asked, as I stood up and adjusted my bikini strap. I had found myself out lounging by my inground swimming pool. I couldn't even remember how I got out there to begin with.

"Awhile. I was wondering where my little Chaz is..." Nastasia smirked as she yelled it loudly, then I heard him.

A bundle of energy tearing out from my house. His dark hair cut in a bowl cut fashion. His long dark eyelashes, those dark eyes...Just like his father.

"AUNT STAZ!!!" Chase yelled as he jumped into Nastasia's arms. She whirled him around and kissed his cheeks like she hadn't seen him in forever. When in truth she had just taken him out last Sunday.

"How's Chaz?" She cooed and squealed as she placed him down with one more kiss. I laughed, they were so cute together. But yet again, Nastasia had more talents, expessially when it came to loving kids.

"Fine...Mommy and I dood." He cooed.

I couldn't believe it. Those words just didn't seem possible. I was his "Mommy" and... just three years ago I was with his father, Alexander James McLean.

Chapter 2:

I spaced out again, swirling down a tunnel of horrid memories. I found myself in the bathroom, clutching the pregnacy test in my hands. My body shivering as the line appeared, I was pregnant. And that was the day after AJ had sent me packing. What could I do? I was forced to hide my pregnacy to everyone, except my mother and Nastasia. They helped me through everything, they were there. The result? My beautiful baby boy. Chase Alexander Helmbreck. I had placed AJ's first name as Chase's middle name because that would be the only thing my child could own of his father's. Plus some old photos...

"Laur...JEZZ!" I heard Nastasia teasing me again. I snapped out of my thoughts to see Chase playing with Nastasia. She was the one who would brighten my day in seconds. And was always ready to take Chase and I out. I loved her.

"Sorry. I was thinking..." I shrugged as I sat back down on my lounge chair. Feeling light headed, I pressed my clammy hand onto my cool forehead.

"About Alexander again huh?" Nastasia questioned, reading my mind like a favorite book. She was currently a backup dancer for the Backstreet Boys, that was how we originally met them. I did some song writing for them, and Nastasia brought backup vocals and awesome dancing.

"So what? I'm allowed to have depressing flashbacks every once in awhile. Remember, I had a freaking kid... I have the RIGHT to have them." I replied with a sour tone, not wanting to hurt Nastasia's feelings. But I just felt crummy.

"Sorry Laurie..." Nastasia pouted, imitating one of Chase's classic moves to get me to crumble. Sometimes I thought they spent entirely too much time together.

"Staz...jezz...you act just like Chase sometimes!" I replied as Nastasia wrapped me in a tight hug. She kissed my cheek with her kiwi-glossed lips. I laughed as Chase ran up and kissed my cheek too.

"I learn from the best." Nastasia smiled as she scooped Chase back into her arms, hugging him tightly. I knew she was just trying to make up for what he had lost the night AJ told me to get out, and I was thankful for that.

"I learn from best." Chase mimicked like a parrot. I found myself laughing at the pair as Chase's dark eyes twinkled in the sunlight. God he looked so much like his father...

"Anyways...I was just stopping by to let you know that Bri-Bear wants you to call him as soon as possible. He told me so yesterday at practice. Plus I missed my baby." Nastasia cooed as she placed Chase down. I looked at her baby blue half shirt and her black warm-up pants.

"Where you going looking like a bum?" I teased, knowing Nastasia was a fanatic about always looking good when being in the sight of guys...but heck...She would make a brown paper bag look fantastic.

"I'm going to practice...The guys are going to appear on some show, and they need their dancers in peak perfection. Thank you." Nastasia replied tartly as she crossed her arms moodily across her large chest. I knew she was playing, I could see the twinkle in her ocean green eyes.

"Sorry." I laughed.

"Anyway, I better run or Howie will kill me." Nastasia grinned lightheartedly, I knew she had a thing for him. "Oh, Bri-Bear wants you, me, and Howie to go out to eat sometime...I think that's the basis of you calling."

"All right I'll call." I laughed, knowing Nastasia's subtle ways of getting what she wants. Damn she was good!

"Good. Bye Bye Chazzie!" Nastasia cooed as she placed a kiss on my cheek, then a big smooch on Chase's rosey cheeks.

"Bye bye Auntie Staz." Chase cooed as he watched his "Aunt" disappear out the back door. After she left I felt my little boy cuddle in my arms, I held him tight, afraid of letting him go to the loneliness of having no one else.

Chapter 3:

It wasn't long after Nastasia left that I headed inside with Chase. I needed to get out of the sun anyways. It was around 1:30 or so in the afternoon, Chase began to constantly remind me he was hungry. " You're always hungry, " I would tease him lovingly. Just one more characteristic he inherited from his father.

As I stood at the counter preparing my son's lunch, I couldn't help but laugh while I listened to the 3 1/2 year old boy, sitting in front of me, rambling on and on.

" And den, Emma...Emma shared...da blocks, " Chase explained.

" Oh, really? " I laughed. Emma was one of the girls in Chase's room at daycare. 3 1/2 years old and already a lady's man, or girl's boy...I laughed again.

Chase nodded anxiously. " Uh-huh, uh-huh. She koot! "

I laughed again. He cracked me up. The way he said cute as " koot " was too adorable. " You're funny, sweetie " I said as I scooted the plate over to him; on it included half a turkey and cheese sandwich, a pickle and some chips.

I stood there watching my son begin to scarf down the food and trying to decide on wether not I wanted anything. I ended up deciding I wasn't hungry and just stood there, once again getting lost in my memories.

It were as if A.J had completely shunned me from his life. I had endlessly tried calling him, but he never accepted my calls. I soon gave up hope. I had never meant for it to end like it had. I had never meant for it to end at all. I regretted ever going out to dinner with that guy that one night, I regret ever making that mistake. I never had any intentions of doing anything, and I never did. I loved A.J with all my heart and soul, and he never gave me a chance to explain. I don't blame him for reacting the way he did. I probably would have reacted the same way if I were him...

I was suddenly brought back to the living world from my trance-like state when the ringing of the phone jarred my thoughts. I walked over to the wall beside the fridge and grabbed the cordless phone.
" Hello? "

" Lauren? "

I instantly recognized the southern drawl in the man's voice on the other line; one that I knew so well, but hadn't heard in a long time.
" Hey, Brian, " I said with a sensed smile.

" Ah, dang. Ya recognized me, he said, being jokingly disappointed.

" Sorry, Bri-Bear, " I laughed. " What's up? "

" Um...nothin'. Nastasia just got here a few minutes ago. So, with no surprise, Howie got off task and is talking to her at the moment. Basically, we're all taking a break, so I thought I'd call ya, " Brian said in one breath. " Haven't heard from ya in a while. Ya tryin' to avoid me or somethin'? "

" Me? Avoid my Bri-Bear? Yep. That's exactly what I'm doing. You guessed it, " I joked as I shifted the phone to my other hand and kept a steady watch on Chase.

" Oh * sniff *...I see how it is...I'm feelin' the love, " Brian said in a hurtful tone.

" I'm just playin', " I stated with a laugh. " I've just been busy lately. "

" The last time I talked to you was like...uh...3 months ago? I
think. "

" I've just been really busy, " I lied. I always enjoyed talking to Brian. Next to Nastasia, I always considered him my best friend. I had grown really close to him during the time I had been with A.J, and considered Brian a brother.

" Too busy to hang out with your best bro...I see how it is. Nah. Anyways, Howie and Nastasia were making plans to go out to dinner this week and invited me to come along, under one condition... "

" And that would be? "

" Uh...you have to come with me... "

" Hmmm, I don't know... " I joked.

" Yeah, you know you want to come. "

" Alright, alright. I'll go. How could I say no? "

I watched as Chase climbed down from the chair he was sitting on and walked over to me with his cup, holding it up to me. " More duice, " he said with one of those juice rings around his mouth.

" Who was that? " Brian asked, curiously.

I hesistated. I had never told him and I couldn't. So I made a lame attempt at changing the subject. " So, when is this dinner supposed to take place? " I asked, taking the cup from my son.

" Um, I think D said something like Thursday or Friday. Something like that... "

" Alright, sounds like - " I began, but cut myself off when I heard a familiar deep voice filter into the phone from the background.

" Yo, Rok! Get off the phone man! We gotta get back to rehearsin'! "

I nearly dropped the phone when I heard him. I hadn't heard his voice in a long time, and it was like an electric shock to hear it just now. And he sounded just like himself; A.J.

" Crap. I hate to cut this short, but uh, I gotta get back to rehearsin'. Talk to ya later Laur. It was great talkin' to you again, " Brian said and hung up before I had a chance to say goodbye. I could tell the phone had been ripped out of his hand and hung up for him.

I turned around and hung up the phone, my back facing my son as he patiently waited for his juice. " What are you lookin' at ? " I grinned.

He looked up at me innocently and pointed at the cup. " Duice. "

Chapter 4:

Later that day Nastasia came by to pick Chase up for a little one on one time with him. She insisted she stay to talk about our plans for tomorrow night. She was clearly excited, not even dancing could wear that girl out. God, I was envious.

"So, where are you taking my son today?" I asked as Nastasia arrived from practice. Not a hair was out of place in her long golden pony-tail, her blue tank-top ironed to perfection with a pair of khaki floods. She was so beautiful, even after a hard practice.

"Out for a swing at the park, then off for some ice cream." Nastasia answered as Chase ran back to her with his shoes. Tugging hard on her floods so she would place them on his tiny toes.

"So you're going to put him on a sugar high for me Staz?"

"Aunt Staz! Shoes...my feet! Dow!" He ordered impatiently, crinkling his little nose as his brown eyes turned firery.

"Who are you Homer Simpson?" Nastasia laughed as she placed the shoes on his feet, he gave her a kiss for a thank you, "Yes, he'll be on a sugar high, just for you sweetheart."

"Don't do me any favors." I replied blandly as I walked her out to her purple jeep. On the sides of her jeep was the silver script reading "Staz". I thought it was a sweet touch to the car.

"So, is mom going to babysit little Chazzie tomorrow night?" Nastasia asked sweetly as she placed Chase in the carseat she had made into her car for Chase. I knew she was reffering to my mother, we always called each other's mothers "mom". It was tradition between us.

"Yeah, mom thinks I should get out more. So, she agreed to keep him the WHOLE night, that way if we're out late I won't have to worry." I said, finding myself actually smiling. Nastasia always did that to me.

"Awesome, we can hit that local club I've been DYING to show you!" Nastasia squealed as Chase clapped his hands, knowing Nastasia was happy so he had to be. Her ocean eyes twinkled with mischief as she kissed my cheek.

"I don't need you to show me up in dancing while we're out Staz. It's bad enough that you can, but in front of Bri? NO!" I moaned, teasing her as she pouted.

"Mommy say yes! Aunt Staz no sad!" Chase ordered, hating to see Nastasia so upset. I felt myself laugh again, they were an irrsistable pair!

"We'll go, just so you can dance close with Howie." I teased further, making Nastasia blush at the sound of his name.

That was the one guy who could make Nastasia weak in the knees. Usually she had the power over guys, but I guess the tables had turned on her. She promised herself after my horrid breakup with AJ that she wouldn't fall in love herself. But somehow I could see her falling, and that would kill her.

"Shut-up Laurie. Howie's a friend!" Nastasia hissed as Chase laughed and played with the blocks that Nastasia had bought for him, one of many gifts.

"More like bed buddies!" I teased.

"SHUT UP!" Nastasia laughed loudly as she gunned the engine, taking off into the sunset. I laughed and sighed happily, going back to my house. But, instead of finding peace in my topsy-turvy world, I found the phone ringing. Life was never quiet. Not for me anyway!

Chapter 5:

" Mommy! No leave! " Chase cried demandingly as I tried to place him down on his bed.

" Sweetie, Mommy's only going to be gone for a couple of hours, " I soothed as I wiped the salty tears away from my son's rosey cheeks, but they continued to fall.

Chase held onto me. " No! Mommy, no leave! "

" Awww sweetie, " I said and stood up, hugging him tightly in my arms. I managed to get a quick glance at my watch.

It was 7:30. Howie and Brian would be at my house any minute to pick Nastasia and I up. Originally, I had planned on taking Chase over to my mother's place, but she said it would be no trouble to watch him at my place for the whole night and wouldn't have a problem sleeping in the guest bedroom.

" C'mon sweetie, it's time for bed, " I said as I once again attempted to put him down, but did not succeed. He only cried harder. I sighed and smoothed out my son's matted hair. His dark brown eyes continously glistened with fresh tears as they stared up at me, pleading with me not to go.

I began to make my way downstairs, Chase still clinging to me as if for dear life. " Not here yet? " I asked Nastasia, directing it more as a statement, rather than a question.

" Nope, " Nastasia answered, standing in front of the mirror that stood beside the tv. She was fiddling around with her hair, like it wasn't already perfect.

I quickly took in her slim figure as I shifted Chase to my other arm. She had on a beautiful, short black dress which had a sort of silver flower pattern to finish it. She wore black platform shoes to match and her honey blond hair was up near the top of her head in a bun form with little ringlets hanging down the sides. She looked perfect. Compared to me I thought...

I, myself, had on a short dark blue skirt that had a see through shiny red cover to lay over it, giving it a great effect. My top consisted of a blue tube top with a black half-sleeve over-jacket. My hair was merely pulled back into a neat pony-tail. I could get away with just that and my hair would still look great.

" Hey Chaz! " Nastasia cooed, but gave him a sad smile when she saw the tears pouring from his eyes. " Awww Chazzie, what's wrong? " She brushed her hand against Chase's cheek to wipe away the tears but he turned away from her and layed his head on my shoulder.

" Where's Mom at? " I asked, looking around the living-room, but not seeing her. Chase began to feel like a dead-weight in my arms.

" I'm in the kitchen, " I heard my Mother call out. She appeared in the kitchen doorway a minute later, dish-towel in hand. Just as the doorbell rang.

" I'll get it, " Nastasia was quick to say and hurried to the door.

" Here, take Chase for me, " I said and began to hand my still crying son over to my mother.

" NO! MOMMY NO LEAVE! " Chase began to yell and stretched his arms out to me.

" It's ok, sweetie. Mommy will be back in a little bit, " my Mother, Sherrie, soothed as she tried to calm her grandson down.

" Hey Howie, " I heard Nastasia say and looked over my shoulder to see Howie pull her into his arms and give her a sweet kiss.

" Te ves bonita esta noche, " I heard Howie say, and watched as he placed a tender kiss on Nastasia's forehead. Nastasia smiled warmly and kissed him back, whispering something in his ear that was un-audible to me.

" I gotta go now, " I said quietly and kissed Chase's forehead. " Be good for Grandma. Bye Mom. " I offered them both a smile, which only my Mother saw, and walked over to where Howie and Nastasia were standing engaging in a kiss. Howie looked up as I walked over.

" Hey Lauren, " he greeted and embraced me in a hug, my reply being a quiet hello.

" Shall we go? " Nastasia asked as she interlaced her fingers with Howie's.

" Uh-huh, " Howie said. He smiled at me and turned around, walking out the door with Nastasia.

" Bye Mom, " I called out and shut the door behind me. I could hear Chase's cries through the closed door.

Chapter 6:

The music was pumping loudly as soon as we entered the club. I could already see Nastasia getting into the beat as she walked through, and a dozen guys looked her way. I was surprised with the obvious whistles coming from their lips as they eyed us, but Nastasia ignored them, only watching Howie.

Nastasia and I grabbed a booth by the side of the wall as Brian and Howie went to grab us a few drinks, they promised they'd be right back. They said they wanted to make sure that their lovely ladies weren't stolen. Nastasia and I just laughed after Howie gave her one last kiss and walked away with Brian.

"So, since when did you and Howie start kissing like THAT Staz?" I teased her as she watched Howie walk away, I could tell she was staring at his firm buttocks. I laughed as she turned and stared quizzically at me, a mischievous smile forming on her glossed lips.

"Since hmmm, we met at the cafe for some coffee last night." Nastasia smirked as she saw Howie look back to keep a watchful eye on her. I couldn't really blame Howie, she was so pretty, and a flirt. I would have her chained to my wrist if I was him.

"Coffee? You?" I asked, she never liked coffee. She thought it'd stunt her growth, but like she needed to worry about that...

"He called me on my cell when I was at the mall...and asked if I'd meet him at the cafe for something to do. I agreed and met him there. He said he wanted to talk..." Nastasia told me as a glaze covered her ocean eyes.

"And let me guess you guys did more than talk?" I asked, raising one of my blonde eyebrows in question. She gave me a large sparkling smile, and I didn't have to ask any more questions.

"He's just so...AHHH..." Nastasia smirked as I frowned a bit. Sometimes it was hard for Staz to handle love. She was so lustful and flirtatous, but never wanted to hurt a soul. Sometimes I worried when she became serious over a guy, I never wanted to see her hurt, not like I had been.

"Stazzie, did you forget the promise you made to me?" I asked hurriedly as I saw Brian and Howie returning from the corner of my eye.

"Which one?" Nastasia asked me, confusion spreading like wild-fire across her angelic face.

"The one about never falling in love too fast?"

"No..."

"Staz!"

"Fine...I do..." Nastasia mumbled, like a child being caught in a fib they had just told. She pouted a bit as I smiled, she had taught that classic look to Chase when he was about a year old...

"Just be careful." I warned as Howie and Brian returned, "I can't see you getting hurt too."

"Hey, I brought back my Stazzie a special drink..." Howie grinned as Brian scooted into the booth beside me, placing my usual drink beside me. A margarita on the rocks, he knew me too well as he placed his arm around me protectivly.

"What drink?" Nastasia piped back seductivly, working her flirtatious charms. I had to admit, the girl was good in action. And I watched her techniques, hoping they'd rub off on me.

"Sex On the Beach with a hint of rum." Howie growled in her ear, obviously into her seductive charms. I had to smother a laugh in Brian's shoulder. They were definantly a pair all right.

"Is that an offer?" Nastasia taunted.

"Only if you give me a kiss." Howie laughed as he slid into the seat next to her, pulling her in for one of the most electrifying kisses I had ever seen Nastasia's lips locked it. Even I had to gasp!

"Would you guys just rent a room." Brian teased as Nastasia pulled away from the kiss and grabbed her drink, taking a long sip. I laughed, for being such a petite little thing, she sure handled her liquor.

"I would, but Staz wouldn't let me..." Howie pouted as she smacked him playfully.

"If you're planning on getting me drunk off my ass for some approval you're talking to the wrong girl. I only agree when I'm sober." Nastasia laughed as Howie gave her another kiss. Even with each other their kisses I silently longed for AJ, although I'd never admit to it.

"So anyway, who was the kid at Lauren's house Staz?" Howie asked as Nastasia choked back some of her drink, she coughed a bit as the color left my face. I always made Nastasia promise me that she would never tell the guys, even if it killed her.

"Just a kid." Nastasia replied as she locked her ocean eyes into my sky colored ones. We both looked panicked.

"You guys look too worried for it to be just some kid." Brian laughed as Nastasia focused her charm on him, hoping to end the conversation. I secretly hoped she would take care of it too.

"Laurie promised to babysit for an old friend of our's, but she forgot we had plans. So, she called mom and had her babysit for her. And, she's lucky that mom did it." Nastasia lied for me, I could tell that she felt horried about it, I could see it in her blazing eyes.

"That's nice." Brian nodded.

"ANYWAY, Bri-Bear, I'm in the mood to get my booty-shaking on." Nastasia teased as the "Thong Song" came on. She jumped out of the booth and started to twist her body in unbelievable ways. Howie watched as all the guys' eyes suddenly shifted, jealous flared through him.

"Damn, don't you ever get tired of dancing?" Brian laughed as he stood up.

"Heck no!" Nastasia laughed as she pulled Howie by his shirt, leading him into the crowd of guys that eyed her like hungry wolves. I just laughed.

"We have to go keep an eye on her you know." Brian laughed as he pulled me out of the booth. That was him, big brother to the rescue.

"I don't need Staz showing me up on the dance floor." I groaned as he pulled me along.

"Laur, she shows everyone up on the dance floor." He teased as he pulled me into the crowd, revving me up for the time of my life.

Chapter 7:

I allowed Brian to lead me out onto the dance floor. A little dancing couldn't hurt. I couldn't remember the last time I had been dancing, it had been a while.

Not too long after we had reached the dance floor, a slower song came on over the speakers, Joe - " I Wanna Know ". Brian slyly placed his well built arms around my slender waist, and I, after hesitating for a slight second, placed my arms around his neck. I closed my eyes as we began to sway softly to the music. My thoughts traveled back to years before, and I saw myself dancing with A.J...

*****

I smiled warmly as A.J pulled me closer to his body and enclosed his strong arms around me. I felt safe in his arms and I never wanted to leave them. The sweet aroma of his cologne filled my nostrils, sending me into heaven. His cologne had always been a favorite of mine.

" You're not very talkative tonight, " A.J inquired as he hugged me closer.

" Hmmm? Oh, sorry, " I said, lost in a completely different world then what I was standing in at the moment.

" Are you ok? " A.J asked, giving me a tender kiss on my forehead.

I smiled up at him reassuringly. " Of course, everything is fine. "

" That's good. " His dark brown eyes, stared down at me menacingly, piercing my soul, leaving an everlasting scar. " You know I love you, right? "

I nodded and said, " I love you too, " before we engaged in an electrifying kiss.

*****

" Lauren? Lauren? "

I blinked several times and shook my head, before I realized it was Brian who was saying my name. " W-what? "

He let out a small laugh. " Are you ok? You seem a little dazed... "

" No, no. I'm fine, " I assured him. " Just peachy! "

Brian laughed again as our eyes locked. A gleam shone in his angel-like blue eyes. Without the slightest realization, our lips began to move in closer and met, for the briefest moment. Brian instantly pulled back, his face turning a bright shade of red.

" I...I...crap, I...I'm sorry, Lauren. I...I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry, " Brian stuttered and looked down at the ground, his arms falling away from my waist.

I could feel myself blushing too, and I looked off to the side. The kiss had been a surprise, I was guessing for not just me, but for Brian also. I was very close to Brian, but didn't feel that way about him. He was too much like a big brother. The kiss had come as a major surprise.

" Listen, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. It was wrong on my part. " Brian continued to apologize profusely.

I replaced my arms around his neck. " Don't worry about it, " I said quietly. " Let's finish our dance. "

He began to relax and put his arms back around my waist and we went back to swaying to the music.

*****

" I want to thank you for coming with me tonight, " Brian said as he walked me up to my door.

" It's no problem. I had fun, " I replied with a genuine smile as I fumbled in my purse for the keys to my front door. With luck, I found them just as I reached the door, but with my clumsy hands, I dropped them while fumbling with them, trying to find the right one in the dark. My mother had forgot to put the porch light on. I cursed silently as I bent down to pick them up.

" I just want to say I'm really sorry about...ya know...earlier...at the club, " Brian stated. He began to blush once again.

I laughed and looked him in the eyes. " Did anyone ever tell you that you apologize too much? " He stared at me quizzically. I gave him a hug. " Like I said earlier, it's no problem. Don't lose sleep over
it. " I watched as he turned around and began to make his way down the three stone steps. " Tell Nastasia to give me a call tomorrow and tell Howie I said bye. "

" Will do, " Brian replied. " And Lauren? "

" Yeah? "

" Great seeing you again. "

I smiled. " You too, Bri. " I watched as they drove off and then made my way into my house quietly.

It was completely silent and all the lights were off, making it all the more difficult to move around without the chance of bumping into anything. I began to make my way upstairs, stopping by Chase's room, who's door was partly closed. A small stream of light poured into the hallway from the tiny nightlight that was stationed on the wall by the door. I was relieved to find him sound asleep, clutching onto his old stuffed bunny, traveling with it in whatever dream world he was in. He looked so innocent lying there, without a worry in the world. My little angel...

I smiled warmly and closed the door partly, then after making my way to my room and heading into my bathroom to take my hair down. I changed into a pair of shorts and a loose fit t-shirt and hopped into my bed, almost instantly falling alseep as soon as my head came in contact with the pillow.

Chapter 8:

Howie dropped Brian off at his house and zoomed around the corner. Nastasia lived a few blocks away from Howie's condo, and frankly he was relieved about it. He loved her so much, and was amazed at her beauty.

"Howie...Howie..." Nastasia repeated as Howie drove silently. She stared at her boyfriend with curiousity. He seemed so silent as he drove. She watched his dark eyes lighten and darkening in the light. She thought they were so sexy...

"What? What?" Howie asked teasing her a bit as he took another turn down their road, in a few moments they would be at her house. Howie silently wished that this road would last forever.

"Shut-up, you're so rude to me." Nastasia pouted as she sunk in the seat of his car, resting her long tan legs on the dashboard. Howie stared at them and rose his gaze upward, sensuality burning in his dark eyes.

"I love you..." Howie said as he stopped the car in front of her house. She stared at him giving him a playful glare, her ocean colored eyes staring into his chocolate ones.

"You better..." She replied in a heartbeat as Howie's lips connected with hers. She kissed back eargerly, electricity flying through them both. His lips began to become more needy as she kissed back, the same emotion flooding through her lips.

"Come...spend...the night...at my house..." Howie asked between their passioned kisses. She kissed back with the same intensity.

"I...No..." Nastasia frowned as she pushed him back onto his side of the car, hurt flashed in his dark eyes as she glanced away.

"Why?" Howie asked as his heart shown through his eyes. Nastasia hesitated as she stared back at him. Her head flooded with all the hurt Lauren had suffered, the child she had bore, the father Chazzie should of had. She didn't want to suffer through that.

"I'm...I'm just afraid..." Nastasia admitted shyly, her beautiful slim body slumping down in defeat. Howie glanced at her surprised, she was usually so bold towards them, never afraid. He sighed as he wrapped his arms around Nastasia's slim waist, holding her tightly.

"Afraid of me?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because, AJ hurt Laurie really bad. And I seriously don't want to be put through what Laurie was put through. It wasn't fair to her...and it hurt..."

"I'm not AJ." Howie answered truthfully. "I'd never hurt you. I will never hurt you. I'm just glad you're actually my girlfriend...You're so beautiful..."

"Flattery will get you no where." Nastasia teased as she gave him a butterfly kiss on the tip of his nose. He smiled again as he kissed her softly on the lips.

"Will you spend the night now? We can go out tomorrow, anywhere you're gorgeous heart desires..."

"Howie..." Nastasia giggled.

"Please...I'll...I'll sleep on the couch...You can have my bed..." Howie begged as he began to kiss her slim neck. Nastasia giggled as she got out of his car and leaned to kiss him softly.

"Let me go get my clothing, and I'll be right out."

"I love you Staz." Howie repeated with a final kiss.

"D?"

"hmmm?"

"You don't have to sleep on the couch." Nastasia teased finally as she ran into her house to grab some clothing. Leaving Howie with a grin spreading across his face.
**********************************************************
That morning Howie and Nastasia woke up side by side, cuddled in each others arms. It was a hot day and they decided to hit the beach for a little tanning session.

Howie watched Nastasia carefully as she rubbed in the slick coconut oil all over her body. He watched as she slid her hands down her curvy body. Her apparal consisted of a black string bikini, excentuating her tan figure. She kept getting looks from all the guys. Howie felt jealous.

"Baby...Stop watching me like a hawk." Nastasia laughed as she wrapped her arms around Howie's neck. He started to kiss her softly.

"How can I stop when all these damn guys are watching you like a tiger, waiting to pounce when I leave..." Howie whimpered.

"Would you stop...I only have eyes for you." Nastasia said as a grin formed on her perfectly glossed lips. She never thought of herself as drop-dead-gorgeous, although everyone always agreed otherwise.

"Stazzie..."

"Stop...Come play..." Nastasia grinned as she pulled Howie up from their blankets with a frisbee in hand. Tugging him to play in the sand.

Chapter 9:

I walked along the beach with Chase holding my hand tightly. We went out for a early morning walk. He begged me to come and play in the sand today. How could I resist his perfect charm, so much like his father...

"Chase...not too close to the water." I warned as I walked beside the edge of the tossing waves. Chase would run beside the waves till they got too high, then squealed as they touched his little ankles, running behind me.

"Dust water mommy." Chase said with a stubborn streak running through him. I laughed and nodded as I continued to walk along beside him.

As we walked along the sand I wasn't paying much attention to anyone but Chase. And foolishly I bumped right into someone. The girl fell to the hot sand with the frisbee falling right along with her.

"Ohmigosh! I'm so sorry!" I apologized with a blush creeping up to my cheeks. I saw Chase glance at the lady with question creeping on his face.

"Look...it's all right...just watch it next time." The woman stated with a sigh as she stood up, brushing the sand off her. I knew I reconized that voice, but the long blonde hair covered her face. I felt my heart begin to beat faster as another person I reconized ran over.

"Staz! Are you all right...Ohmigosh!" I knew that voice. I gasped loudly, it was Howie! He grabbed Nastasia around the waist and held her tightly. Nastasia didn't even look at me, fear gripped me tightly.

"AUNTIE STAZ!!!!" Chase yelled out suddenly. I gasped loudly as Nastasia flipped her hair back and stared at Chase bewildered, then she gazed at me. Question was covering Howie's face as Nastasia bent over and picked Chase up. He placed kisses all over Nastasia's cheeks, I felt like I might faint.

"Laurie...what are you doing with Chase today? I thought you didn't babysit him today?" Nastasia asked as her eyesbrows raised in such a way to say she was covering for me again.

"Well...You know me, I just offered to take him out for icecream...And I'm seriously sorry I hit you..." I stated back as Howie still questioned both of us.

"It's all right...I'll be by later okay? And we'll talk about it. Say around eight? I'll stay the night."

"Auntie Staz stay dight? Cooooool!" Chase continued to babble a bit. I found myself sinking deeper into the sand, I felt my heart pound even more.

"We better go Chase. Icecream time." I said shakily as I picked him out of Nastasia's arms.

"Otay mommy. Icedream. Bu-bye Aunt Staz." Chase called as I hurried away from them, burning tracks. I felt so lightheaded, there was no way out of this one. And I felt like the world was crashing down.
**********************************************************
"Staz..." Howie questioned as he watched Lauren disappear down the boardwalk. She seemed off in her own world as Howie shook her a bit.

"What?"

"She doesn't babysit that kid does she?" He questioned, his dark eyes burning deeply into her ocean colored ones. She felt a sob catch in her throat, she couldn't lie to him.

"No..."

"Then who is he? Why did he call her mommy? And why did he call you Aunt Staz?" Howie questioned again as Nastasia walked back to the towels, guys still staring at Nastasia's every move.

"Howie...it's not that easy to explain."

"Well you better try baby. Cause you can't back out now."

"I know..."

Chapter 10:

Howie held Nastasia's hand tightly as they sat close on the beach blanket together. He clasped her hand tightly as she seemed very cold now. Shivering slightly. She pulled herself closely to Howie, and he held her tightly.

"So, who is he?" He asked.

"Chase..."

"Chase who?"

"Chase Alexander."

"Alexander? Wait...what?" Howie asked as he pulled her away from him. He knew she could never lie, her eyes always told the truth.

"He...He said Aunt Staz...because I am his aunt...He called Laurie mommy...cause...she is his mother." Nastasia shook as Howie still stared at her quizzically, trying to piece the puzzle together.

"Lauren...A kid? How old?"

"Three and a half..."

"Who's...Who's...Who's..." Howie couldn't face the thought of asking the question. Fear gripping Nastasia's beautiful eyes.

"A-A-J..." Nastasia stuttered.

"Oh...Oh...Oh shit..." Howie muttered, "What about that...that guy she was with when...when AJ kicked her...out of the..."

"Devon? No! She was never physically with him! Only AJ... Damnit Howie..." Nastasia whispered, her fear mixing with her extreme anger for what Howie said.

"I'm sorry...it's just he doesn't...He doesn't even know he has a kid..."

"And that's the way it stays." Nastasia answered curtly, Howie faced her. Surprise covering his handsome face.

"WHAT?"

"She made me promise. She made me promise not to tell. Now you have to promise me you won't tell. You won't. Will you?" Nastasia asked, begging like a child who wanted a piece of special candy.

"Staz..."

"Promise."

"But."

"HOWIE! Just promise me." Nastasia ordered, her eyes locked with him. Defiance showing in them brightly. Howie never wanted to loose her. Never. He looked away for a moment and then glanced back.

"Promise."

Chapter 11:

My heart was still beating rapidly as I placed Chase into the car seat. He was happily eating the ice-cream I had bought him just a few minutes before and smiled up at me. My head felt as if it were still spinning, I didn't want to believe what had just happened.

I had successfully been able to keep Chase a secret, as much as it hurt me to do so, and now... So many mixed thoughts were racing through my head at the moment, that it was making me dizzy.

" Mommy otay? " Chase asked swallowing a small spoonful of icecream.

I looked at him as I pulled up to a stop light. I couldn't help but let a small laugh escape at the sight before me. Chocolate icecream marks around his lips, and on his hands, making him all too adorable.

" Yeah, sweetie. Mommy's fine. "

*****

" When Auntie Staz come? " Chase asked as I pulled his pajama shirt over his head.

" She'll be here soon, " I said and smoothed his shirt out. " Now get into bed and I'll read you a story, then it's time to go to sleep. "

" Me no tired! " Chase shot, crinkling his nose.

" I think you are, " I said. " What story do you want to read? "

" Homas Cat, " Chase said pointing to the book that sat among a pile of other books.

I retrieved the book and sat down on the bed, my son cuddling in my lap. " Oh yeah, " Thomas Cat ". We haven't finished this one
yet... " Chase snuggled deeper into my arms and let out an exhausted yawn.



" ...Thomas had finally found his way home. He vowed never to wander off on any crazy adventure again, well at least not too far away. The boy's father picked him up and pet him. Thomas purred affectionately.
" Welcome back, Thomas. Welcome back. " Thomas replied with a " meow " as the boy's father placed him on his son's bed. Happiness filled Thomas' heart and he drifted to sleep. The end. " I closed the book and stood up from the bed, tucking Chase under the covers.

" Hello? Where is everyone? " Nastasia called out as she walked through the front door downstairs. I told her not to bother knocking, that my home was just as much Nastasia's home.

" We're upstairs, " I yelled in reply, moving a strand of my sandy-blond hair that had fallen in my face.

" Auntie Staz! " Chase yelled, sitting up. His face shown tiredness.

A second later, I could hear my friend's footsteps pounding up the stairs and she poked her head into Chase's doorway.

" Hey Laurie. Hey there sleepy head, " Nastasia said, holding one hand behind her back, a mischevious gleam in her eyes. " I've got something for you... " She crept closer to the bed.

" Oooooohhh, " Chase said quietly.

Nastasia whipped her hand out from behind her back, revealing a bright yellow, Pooh Bear doll.

" POOH! " Chase said excitedly and reached his hands out for the bear, Nastasia willingly handing it to him.

" Oh great, another stuffed animal, " I said sarcastically with a smile.

" Sorry Laurie, I couldn't resist. I stopped at the store on the way over here and well, you know me. I saw it near the cash register and I know how Pooh is his favorite, so I had to get it for him, " Nastasia laughed watching as Chase played with the bear.

" Well, that adds another one to his growing collection, " I stated pointing towards the small mountain of stuffed animals stationed in a small corner of my son's room.

" Danks, Auntie Staz! " Chase said, engulfing Nastasia in a hug and placing a small kiss on her cheek.

" Anytime, Chazzie. I'm glad you like it. "

" Alright, sweetie. It's time for bed now, " I said, placing Chase back under the covers.

" Mommy? " Chase asked quitely, his eyes beginning to droop with sleepiness. It was clear the sandman was soon to visit.

" Yeah? "

" Where my Daddy? "

The question caught me completely off guard and my heart jumped to my throat. My face went completely pale and I looked at Nastasia, who held the same expression.

Chapter 12:

I fell completly silent as my son stared at me, waiting for an answer. I couldn't force the words out of my mouth. I was glad when Nastasia nuzzled up next to him in his bed.

"Do Chazzie got daddy?" Chase asked her, his brown eyes sparkling with curiosity.

"Yes...you do..." Nastasia hesitated, I closed my eyes. This was it, I was just going to die right here. The earth was going to open up and God was going to swallow me whole.

"Where is Chazzie Daddy?" Chase asked her.

"Chazzie Daddy...well...Chase, you're daddy is away right now. He's hiding from you...he's just playing a game with you. And you know what? I bet in a few days...he'll come out and say, 'BOO!'" Nastasia said softly as she began to tickle Chase's little ribs. Making him cry out with laughter.

"Miss daddy, want daddy now..." Chase said after a few silent moments.

"Tuff stuff kiddo. You only got Auntie Staz and Mommy right now." She said with a wry grin, "You want us to leave just for daddy?"

"DO LEAVE! AUNT STAZZIE STAY! MOMMY NO LEAVE!" Chase repeated with a pout, I laughed as I watched Nastasia kiss him softly on the cheek.

"I'll never leave baby. Neither will mommy."

"Dood." Chase said as he settled into his bed, his eyes growing heavier by the moment. Nastasia smiled as she covered him with the blankets. "Daddy be home doon?"

"Very." Nastasia smiled as he fell asleep. She kissed his flushed cheek once more and pulled me out of the room, I felt frozen as she shut the lights off and tugged me forcefully down the steps. Somehow I knew she was going to give me an earful...

Chapter 13:

Nastasia sat me down on the couch forcefully. She had a lot of strength for being a dancer, frankly, I knew she could kick my butt in a second. I never messed with her, and I knew she was upset.

"Look, I know I don't have the place to say anything on what happened between you and AJ. And you know I've never disagreed with you on what you did with Chase and AJ...right?" Nastasia started out. I could see her warm ocean eyes turning cold like the dangerous seas in a storm.

"Right..." I answered hesitantly.

"But what you got up there is one hurting little boy. I'm not saying jump out and ask AJ to go back with him...I'm just saying that you need to tell him sooner or later. It's not fair to AJ or Chase."

"Staz..." I whimpered.

"Look I know it went sour between you two. But what I'm saying is that Chase needs his father. He can't get everything he needs from you Lauren. Not now or ever. And he can't get everything from me either. He needs his father, damnit, his father." Nastasia told me in a hushed violent tone.

She never really got upset with me, unless it was something important. I felt the salty tears wash down my face as she closed her eyes for a moment, I knew it was hard on her too, she loved Chase like her own son.

"Laurie, I never meant to be upset with you, but you have to think of what your doing to Chase. It's not fair to him or AJ. Put the past relationship beside...leave it be...let Chazzie have his father." Nastasia whispered as she grabbed her bag and left my house, slamming the door shut.

I jumped from the sound as the tears fell freely down my cheeks. I curled up on my side and placed my head down on the pillow. First I lost AJ, and gained Chase, well now I lost Nastasia, and soon after I would lose Chase.

Chapter 14:

Why was this happening to me? I didn't deserve this. Not now! Not after all this time! I squeezed my eyes shut, letting the hot tears roll down my flushed cheeks. Why was my life suddenly being turned upside down?

' ...what you got up there is one hurting little boy...Chase needs his father. He can't get everything he needs from you Lauren. Not now or ever. And he can't get everything from me either. He needs his father, damnit, his father... '

I knew she was right, that's what hurt me the most. By keeping Chase from his father, I was hurting him, without even realizing it. Chase was my pride and joy, the only real thing that kept me going was him and I was hurting him. I knew this would happen some day, I just didn't want to believe it.

I enhaled deep breaths slowly, trying to calm myself down. My head was pounding so much, it hurt. I couldn't think clearly anymore, so I wandered upstairs where I dressed for bed and climbed in slowly, closing my eyes and wishing for the darkness to come and take me away.

I seemed to have just fallen asleep before I was jolted awake by a sudden cry out of " MOMMY! " from Chase. I climbed out of bed and hurried down the hall. I reached his room and turned on the light. He was sitting up in bed clutching the Pooh Bear Nastasia had given him, tears raining down his cheek. I rushed over to him and took him into my arms. " Shhh, sweetie. It's ok...shhh. " Chase continued to cry. He was shaking in my arms. " Did you have a nightmare? " It was the only thing I could think of. I could feel him nod.

" Bad deam * sniff * bad deam * sniff * "

I rubbed his back gently in some hopes that he would calm down.
" Shhh...you want to come sleep with me? "

Chase nodded, his body still shaking with fear in my arms. I couldn't imagine what kind of nightmare he had had. I carried Chase back to my room and placed him in my bed. I layed down and watched as he slowly fell back to sleep. I could feel the tears returning to my eyes as I watched him return to the dream world. " I never meant to hurt you sweetie, I never meant to hurt you, " I whispered quietly. I then realized I couldn't keep him from A.J anymore. I closed my eyes again and fell into a deep slumber.

*****

I sat channel surfing on the couch with Chase. " Poke-mon! Poke-mon! " he yelled when I came across one of the many cartoon channels that just happened to be playing Pokemon. I groaned silently, I couldn't stand the show, but Chase was crazy about it.

" What about we see if Rugrats or something else is on? " I tried, knowing it wouldn't work.

" No! " Chase said stubbornly and crossed his arms.

I laughed. " Alright, alright. You win. Pokemon it is. " I was startled as the phone rang. I stood up from the couch and walked into the kitchen to retrieve the phone. " Hello? "

" Hey Laur, it's Staz. "

" Oh, hey... " I said slowly, leaning against the wall.

" Listen, I wanna apologize for stormin' out last night. It's
just... "

I took in a shakey breath. " No, you had every right to say what you said. I did a lot of thinking after you left... "

" You did? "

" Yeah, I didn't realize it until now, but...what you said was right... I think it's time Chase should see A.J... "

Chapter 15:

I wished the night would never end. Nastasia and I talked for hours, wondering on how I could break the news to AJ. We were going to meet up at the mall after her practice with plans to meet AJ there.

But as I sat there that afternoon staring at Chase playing with the Pooh Bear Nastasia had given him a blaze of anger streaked through me. AJ should have contacted me, he should of called after all of those urgent messages I sent him.

I stared at Chase for one more moment deciding now that I wouldn't be so kind to AJ and HIS feelings. I wanted to make him hurt, it wasn't fair to me that I should spare HIS feelings.

I glanced at the clock, it was about 2:20pm...BSB practice would end in about 10 minutes...I had time...I had plenty of time...

"Chase?" I called sweetly as I bent down and kissed his little forehead. He looked up at me with curiousity sparkling in his devilish brown eyes.

"Mommy play wid Pooh?" Chase asked sweetly as he held up the stuffed animal in his hands. I laughed as he stood up and offered me Pooh again, I declined.

"How about we go get dressed and take Pooh for a ride?"

******************

Nastasia had been practicing with the guys and her other friends since the early morning. Her heart beat faster and faster as she revved up her performance. Since she was so tall she was put with Nick for his and her height.

As they danced to their song "Larger Than Life" a bit more it was time for the twirl in which the girl dancers would fall back and land in their Backstreet Boys' arms.

Nastasia twirled as her blonde hair swirled like a ring, she fell backwards expecting to fall into Nick's awaiting arms, only Nick missed. Nastasia found herself on the floor as the music ended.

"Whoops..." Nick laughed as everyone snickered at Nastasia lying on the floor, admiring the view. She glared up at him as Howie shook his head, knowing she was all right he went with AJ to the back of the arena for a break.

"Nickolas, you're such a jerk." Nastasia moaned as he helped her off the floor. The other girl dancers snickered a bit, although they were clearly envious of Nastasia's closness with the guys.

"You love me anyway." Nick smiled as he handed her a bottle of water. Nastasia placed the water bottle on her warm neck. She was sweating badly.

"Nicky...c'mere, I wanna tell you something..." Nastasia whispered seductivly as she flashed her ocean eyes at him, drawing him into her alluring presence.

"What?" Nick grinned, obviously loving the attention he was recieving from Nastasia.

"D-D-D-Don't want you BACK!" Nastasia sang as she opened her water bottle and squirted it at Nick. He yelped in surprise as he backed up, soaked from head to toe with Nastasia's water.

"NASTASIA ANNE NOTEZ" Nick yelled loudly, "COME THE HELL HERE CAUSE I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!!!!"

"No freakin' way man!" Nastasia laughed as she ran and jumped off the stage, tearing up the asiles as she squealed, drawing the attention to her and Nick.

"NASTASIA!!!!" Nick yelled as he gained ground on her. Nastasia yelped as she found herself cornered. She quickly ran into one of the rows, when she started to run she found Brian blocking that enterance, she turned around to find Nick at the other.

"BRIAN! THANKS MAN!" Nick laughed.

"BRI-BEAR!!!!" Nastasia moaned as she watched Nick come towards her. She started to shake as Brian laughed a bit at her perdicament.

"Sorry Baby, Nick is like my best friend."

"AND I'M NOT?!"

"You're just a girl-friend."

"BRIAN THOMAS!" Nastasia moaned as she stared at Nick closing in on her. She looked to the back of the arena to see AJ and Howie watching the whole thing. She grinned as she looked at the seats, which were down.

"GOT YA!" Nick yelled as he moved to jump on her, but he missed. As soon as Nick leaped to grab Nastasia she jumped and started to run across the seats, hopping from one to one.

"AJ! AJ! AJ! AJ! AJ!" Nastasia squealed as Nick followed closely behind, but Nick missed. By the time he went to grab her...Nastasia had already jumped in AJ's awaiting arms.

"Oh wow...never thought I'd get the chance to have the flirtatious Nastasia Notez in my arms." AJ teased as Howie burst out laughing.

"I never thought I'd have the chance to be held by the sexy Alexander McLean." Nastasia flirted right back, not meaning a word about it. She was usually very playful.

"Nastasia! I thought I was your man!" Nick moaned, panting as he arrived with the group. Nastasia laughed as she leaned up and kissed AJ's cheek.

"AJ and Howie are my two latinos...Sorry...you're just a blond." Nastasia teased as she found AJ zoning out a million miles away. She looked up as she felt AJ's hands loose hold of her. In seconds she found herself on the floor again...

Nastasia stood up abruptly and stared darkly at AJ, ready to release some nasty words. But she stopped then she followed AJ and Howie's gaze. She gasped as she stared at the people in the doorway.

It was Lauren and Chase...

Chapter 16:

A.J stood there, completely stunned. The words caught in his throat. Lauren? Was it really her? He hadn't seen her in so long, now she was standing in the doorway before him. But, who was that with her?

I took hold of Chase's hand and began walking down the aisle, closer and closer to where A.J stood, my heart beating more rapidly with each step I took. " H-hi...A.J... " I said quietly, my voice coming out weak and small.

"Lauren?" I heard him ask, I saw him move his eyes quickly up and down my body. I knew I had picked a winning outfit. The black miniskirt and dark blue tanktop was always a winner when getting AJ's attention.

I felt emotion hit me strong, head on, but I held it back. I wasn't gonna let myself grow weak, not here, not now. " Yeah... "

"How...How are you?" AJ asked me, I could see Nastasia's ocean eyes grow with confusion as Chase ran and jumped into her arms. Howie leaned in to talk privately with Nastasia and Chase...I could feel my heart beating faster as I turned my attention back on AJ.

" I'm, um...fine. Y-yourself? " This was going to be harder then I thought. I thought I could do this, no problem, but now, being face to face with him, I felt myself grow weak in the knees.

"Ahh...you know...the same...I guess...." He replied, obviously shocked at seeing me here and now. I saw Nastasia turn away with Chase going off with Howie to keep Chase entertained, I knew she was just buying me some time...the time I definantly needed.

" Well...I'm glad...I'm glad you're doing well, " I replied. I was losing my words, I knew they weren't going to come out right, I needed to keep my cool...

"You come to pick up Stazzie?" AJ asked me, I didn't think he knew what to ask me. And, frankly, I didn't blame him.

I paused, opening my mouth to say something, but stopped.
" No...actually...I came to see...talk to...you... "

"To me? 'Bout what?" AJ asked, confusion growing in his beautiful eyes...the ones I used to stare at on those cold nights...those nights where he held me tight...

The question left me stumped, I didn't know what to say any more. All I could do was stare into his brown eyes, the ones that had pierced my soul and left an everlasting scar so long ago...

"Hello?" AJ asked me again, I found the words unable to form in my throat. I choked back on the tears that I would never let him see, the ones on which I cried at night. He wouldn't see those that he caused, it wasn't fair. I swallowed my fears, ready to do what I came to do.

Just as I was ready to speak, Chase came running up to me, his innocent eyes sparkling, a wide grin on his face. " Mommy! Mommy! " I could see the confusion wash across A.J's face as I bent down to my excited son. " Y-yes? "

" Auntie Staz and...and Owdie promise me go see da Poke-mon movie! " Chase squealed, his eyes lighting up even brighter.

" That's great sweetie, " I said, trying my best to place a fake smile on my face. I wasn't going to show my son my weakness.

Chase looked up at A.J, his face now washing over with confusion as he looked at the strange man standing before him. " Who he, Mommy? "

This was it, here went nothing... " H-he's you're Daddy... " I watched in complete wonder as Chase tried to take in what he was just told. He didn't say anything, only continued to stare up at A.J, who was now expressionless. That quickly changed.

" Excuse me? " A.J asked, his voice low but demanding.

I drew in a deep, but shakey breath, and closed my eyes. All of a sudden I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to be there.. " You're his father... "

Chapter 17:

I saw AJ's eyes turn a firey black. I stepped back a few steps shocked, I didn't know what he would do. He writhed his fists together as he stared at me.

"I'm his what?" He managed to choke out. I saw tears well in his eyes, his fustration leaking out. Nastasia gasped a bit, she was watching as Chase ran back to her, wrapping his arms around her.

"F-F-Father..." I managed to get the word out of my mouth. AJ stepped back a few steps as though he had been slapped by my hand.

"I am not..." He whispered.

"He's 3 and a half. He's yours. I swear to God I wouldn't lie to you..." I choked back out, stepping away from him. I hated the way this was going. But I couldn't expect him to just jump into my arms and ask to marry me, although in my mind I wish it would have...

"He's not mine...You were with Devon!"

"I was never with Devon!" I gasped, shocked at the words that had come out of his mouth.

"I found you two on the freaking bed lying down together and you're telling me you were never physically with Devon? That I dumped you for nothing?" AJ asked with a smuge tone, making my blood boil with just the sight of the cruel smile etched in his sexy face. God I wanted to smush him.

"NEVER! I ONLY HAD SEX WITH YOU AJ! DAMNIT IT! HE'S YOUR KID! LOOK INTO HIS EYES AND TELL ME YOU DON'T SEE YOURSELF!" I spat back at him, tired of him accussing me. Tired of him not accepting what he too had created.

"You...filthy...little..." AJ whispered hoarsly, he looked ready to strike me but he didn't. He gave me one last horrid look and stormed out of the arena.

"Ohmigod...He's going to do something crazy!" Nastasia moaned as she jumped off the arena as I sank to the floor. She ran and crouched down beside me. She saw the hot tears in my eyes and frowned.

"Why..." I whimpered.

"Can I go after him? I need to...He's going to do something crazy...And I love him too much like a brother...Laurie you have to understand..." Nastasia told me with about only one breath between. I looked up, hurt covering my sour tone.

"Fine..." I whispered.

"I'll... I'll call..." Nastasia answered absentlymindedly as she ran out the door, hoping to catch up with my ex-man.

"Mommy...Whed Aunt Stazzie coming dack?" Chase gurgled to me. I looked up and smiled softly at the little boy. I gathered him into my arms and held him tightly.

"Soon..." I whispered, hoping that the ache of my heart would go away, and somehow AJ might come back...

Chapter 18:

Nastasia burst through the exit door, in all hopes that she would catch up with A.J. The cool breeze hit her face, but she felt no means of being relieved. She looked around frantically and saw him running to his car, she took off after him. " A.J! Wait up! "

" Leave me the HELL alone! " he yelled angrily, not stopping to turn around and face her.

This was not good. " A.J! Please! Wait up! " This time he ignored her and got into his car, keyed the ignition and sped away.

" Shit! " Nastasia swore under her breath as her heart sank. She stood there for a minute to catch her breath and then hurried off to her jeep. She had to catch up with him. From instinct, she began to head to his house. She hoped to god he would be there, but her heart sank even more when she pulled up to his drive way and the car he had been driving was not there.

"Son of a buiscut!" Nastasia moaned as she hit her dashboard hard. AJ couldn't be left alone in the state he was in. She knew better than that, he was crazy...and could do anything! She moaned again as she rolled her car in reverse and sped off, thinking of places he might be.

**********************

Nastasia drove around for about an hour. She checked the local malls, beaches, friends' houses, towers, and buildings. No where.

Nastasia's heart ached as she drove down his street once more, hoping he'd be somewhere there. She didn't want to loose him, not now.

Her heart about jumped out of her throat. She stomped on her brakes, screeching her jeep to a sudden stop. Her long blonde hair flung in her face, which she quickly wiped away to stare at what she had stopped for.

There was a long private beach which belonged to AJ's estate. Sitting on one of the tall rocks was a lonely AJ. He was searching for something out along the water, Nastasia knew he was thinking.

She took a deep breath as she parked her car and ran down to the beach, hoping to help one of her best friend's out. Something she was always good at.

Chapter 19:

Nastasia carefully used her dancer grace and climbed to the top of the mountain of a rock where AJ sat silently. She gave him a timid smile as he glared hatefully at her. She sat down, unphased about what look he had given her.

"Hey J...I knew I'd find you up here..." She joked a bit as he threw her another cold glare.

"I thought I told you to leave me alone?" He asked, cold ice dripping from every word he spoke. His dark eyes as cold as his words were.

"Actually, it was leave me the HELL alone, but I won't get picky. And you know me by now that I wouldn't listen to a word you had to say to me...well...that is when you're ordering me around." Nastasia quipped back timidly, he looked over and gave her a weak smile.

"He's not my kid Stazzie..." AJ said as he turned his gaze back to the crashing waves. He had been the one who orginally gave Nastasia that nickname...Although everyone used it now.

"How do you know 'that kid' isn't yours?" Nastasia asked timidly, not wanting to press AJ enough to send him jumping off the rock. This was a delicate situation, and she knew it better than anyone.

"Because...she was with Devon when I broke up with her. It's his damn kid! Why blame me, I wrapped all my men in a raincoat..." He muttered sarcastically, Nastasia turned away trying her best not to laugh.

"J...How do you know that one of your little soliders didn't happen to get out?" She asked, making AJ turn to her with a wry smile on his face.

"My soldiers?"

"Yes."

"My soliders?"

"BACK to the original topic before we get way off task..." Nastasia blushed as AJ gave her a tight laugh.

"She was with Devon...so its his..." AJ stated subbornly.

"IT has a name." Nastasia replied cooly, thinking of the same stubborn streak that was racing through Chase. She gave him a questioning glance.

"Oh...sorry..."

"HIS name is Chase Alexander."

"Fine! Chase Alexander is NOT my kid and she never should of named Chase Alexander after me." AJ replied. Nastasia sighed as she stared back at him, fire of hate glowing in his usually sexy eyes.

"She never was with Devon. And if you need the paternity tests to prove it she said she would do it. But all she wants is for Chase to have his father. She doesn't want money, she's perfectly independant and isn't in any finacial danger." Nastasia answered truthfully to him, her ocean green eyes pools of remorse and honesty.

AJ softened, "Your not lying are you?"

"Never. Not to you."

"He is mine then isn't he?" AJ asked with a sigh, truely accepting his responsibility. Nastasia smiled sweetly, glad that AJ had finally realized his son.

"Yes. He's very much like you too. He's stubborn, opinionated, a lady's man, and his stomach is as big as the grand canyon!" Nastasia told, laughing with AJ.

"Chase Alexander?"

"Yes."

"Wow...Daddy McLean..."

"Scarey thought!" Nastasia teased as he pushed her a bit. She smiled as he placed his arm around her, more to comfort himself than her.

"When will I be able to see him...without Lauren?" AJ asked, not wanting another episode with Lauren. He accepted the fact that he was a father, but didn't want to accept the part that he might have more confrontations with her.

"You guys are gonna have some serious fights about him. I can see it now...damn it..." Nastasia sighed as she thought about things between Lauren and AJ just on their first visit with each other.

"Can you interviene? You know!"

"No I don't..." Nastasia replied as she flicked a long piece of blonde hair behind her shoulders.

"You can pick up Chase for me from Lauren, and then come with me to take him home or whatever. It'll be a lot easier with you around since you're our best friend and all..." AJ exclaimed.

"Wow...wait..."

"PLEASE?!"

"But..."

"Just until we learn to be friends again?"

"Damn...FINE..." Nastasia moaned as AJ leaned in and placed a friendly kiss on her warm cheek. Nastasia couldn't believe she had just gotten herself into this big mess.

"I love you..." He grinned as they stood up.

"Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now come on Daddy McLean...You can crash at my house tonight. The couch, or the other room, or the other room is available..." Nastasia laughed as they helped each other off the large rock.

"You mean your bed ISN'T available?" AJ teased.

"No...that's what got you to be Daddy McLean in the first place!" Nastasia teased back as AJ gazed at her hurtfully. She smiled back at him, giving him some support as they walked to her jeep.

She knew it would be a long haul in the end for AJ. He would have a lot of things to think about, and he needed his friends. More than ever.

Chapter 20:

I could never forget the hard stares I recieved from everyone yesterday. I guess the looks came from pure surprise more then anything, they had never expected this. It made me feel so small and alone. It was one of the worst days of my life.

It effected Chase greatly, like I knew it would. I began to wonder if I had made the wrong decision by ever taking Chase to meet A.J...He needed his father, but he also needed his father to accept him.

Any time alone I had got, I cried, hiding my tears from my confused son. It angered me so much that A.J had acted like that. I wasn't sure if I could ever face him again...

I was sitting on the couch dazing into space while Chase lay sprawled out on his stomach on the floor, half-asleep, half watching some cartoon on T.V. I kept thinking back to the horrid day before, how A.J so blandly denied Chase. That's what hurt me the most. I had yet to hear from Nastasia, she never called. In a way, I was worried. I soon began to realize that it was A.J I was worrying about. Why? I had no idea. He hated me and though hate is a strong word, I had enough anger bottled inside me to say the same thing about him. At least at that moment...

The phone rang, creeping it's way into the eerie silence of my thoughts. I didn't even realize it until Chase jumped up from his spot on the floor, now wide awake and ran into the kitchen to grab the phone.

" Wha-tup? " he asked in his tiny voice.

" Hey there, Chazzie, " Nastasia said with a laugh, surprised to hear him answer the phone.

" Auntie Staz! " Chase yelled excitedly. That got my attention. He didn't even have to say her name and I would have already known who he was talking to because he always got really excited.

" How's my favorite little man? " Nastasia asked.

" Me dood! " Chase replied with a grin bright and wide. " We go see Poke-mon 'day? "

" Sorry Kiddo, not today. But, I promise we will real soon, ok? "

" O-tay, " Chase sighed sadly.

" Where's your Mommy? "

" She watch Chuckie and Tommy wit me! "

" Rugrats? Cute...Let me talk to her, ok sweetie? "

" O-tay. " Chase ran over to me and gave me the phone. " Auntie Staz talk to you! " he said and flopped down in front of the t.v again.

" Hey Staz... " I said quietly, not much in the mood to talk, but part of me wanting to.

" Hey Laurie, um...how are you doing? " Nastasia asked, moving a strand of loosely fallen hair out of her eyes.

" I'm fine, I guess. Why? "

" No reason... "

" I've been better, " I stated coldly.

" I can imagine... " Nastasia began. I could hear her take a deep breath and then pause. " I'm really sorry about how A.J- "

" Don't even start, " I interrupted, letting my anger slip. I couldn't believe she was trying to apologize for the way he had acted. " How can you apologize for him? How can you even begin to? "

" Laur, he's like a brother to me and I'm just sayin'- "

" No! It's not your fault that he can't except the fact that he's got a son! "

" He was shocked. Give him a little bit of time and then try talking to him again. "

I was becoming more angry by the second. " Why? So he can deny Chase for a second time?! "

" No, because Chase needs his father! "

" Yes, he does, but he ALSO needs his father to accept him! "

Chapter 21:

I heard Nastasia sigh loudly into the phone, increasing my anger even more. I looked at Chase who watched every movement. He looked troubled as he stared into my brewing eyes.

"I didn't call to start a fight..." Nastasia moaned.

"Well...too bad sweetheart...cause you did..." I snapped back, irritated with her peace-making skills. She was too damn perfect!

"Momma...you don't dight with Auntie Staz!" I heard Chase cry repeatedly at me as he tugged on the bottom of my shorts. "NO HURTD AUNT STAZ! NO MOMMY NO! She nice mommy, I wuhve my Aund Stazzie!"

"CHASE WOULD YOU JUST SHUT-UP!!!" I hissed back at him angerly. All my tension had built up with him. I was tired of everything. I was tired of this whole ordeal. I glared at my son as he backed up a bit, surprise written all over his face.

Chase looked at me with tears springing to his dark eyes. He looked at me and started to cry openly. I paused a moment as he ran upstairs to his room, slamming his door with all of his tiny might.

"Is Chase crying?! Why the HELL did you yell at him like that?!" Nastasia demanded openly. I felt the heat rising to my cheeks, he never cried like that. Only when he was scolded or hurt himself...I never scolded him like I just did...

"He's my son, leave me the hell alone, I'll do what I need to do to correct him." I snapped impatiently at my best friend, trying to remember the last time I had ever yelled at her like that...or Chase.

"God Lauren! I'm coming over to pick Chazzie up. He's spending the night with me. You need a freakin' break." Nastasia replied as she hung up the phone.

I sunk into my couch as I threw the phone, I knew Nastasia would be over here in five minutes flat, whicking Chase away. Sometimes I wondered if I was even the mother of him...Sometimes Nastasia acted like more of a mother than I.

I ducked under my pillows, knowing Chase was crying made me feel awful. Although I did feel grateful knowing that Nastasia would be taking him away from this HellHole. As I sunk deeper into my depression I did the one thing I could only do.

Cry.

Chapter 22:

Nastasia dropped the phone angerily as she began to pull on a pair of tight-fitting shorts over her bikini bottoms. AJ walked in puzzled at her awkward behavior, cursing all the way.

"Stazzie, what's happening?" AJ asked as she pulled on a tank top, that highlighted her full bosom. She growled again as she pulled her long honey blonde hair into a pony-tail.

"She's begining to take this whole damn thing a little too far...To think she snapped at Chazzie...Chazzie of all people. He is so freaking adorable and sweet...I could never in...I mean...DAMN!" Nastasia cried as she chucked one of her satin pillows onto the floor. She screamed once more as AJ stared at her puzzled.

"Who? Lauren?" AJ asked, although that name left a sour taste in his mouth. He gazed at his best friend timidly as she stared back at him. Her ocean eyes turning dark and cold.

"Yes Lauren. She snapped at Chase and he cried...So I'm picking him up and he's spending the night here." Nastasia said with an irritated sigh. She wished she wasn't picking him up because his mother was angery with him, she never wanted that to be the cause.

"Chase? Here? Tonight?" AJ asked in broken words, he was also crashing there again. He had no eargerness to return home. He was all alone there, until Amanda returned, which wouldn't be until another two days.

"Yes. I figured that you could get used to him with me. I mean AJ...you have to support and love him. That's all Chase wants. He wants his Daddy..."

AJ stopped for a moment, the word daddy was so new to him. He gazed at Nastasia with uncertinty. "I'm not so sure about this Stazzie."

"Chase is very sweet. Howie and I promised him that we would take him to see Pokemon. So, I figured you could take Howie's place with Chase." Nastasia answered as she fought back her unwanted tears. She was having a major fight with Lauren, one of the firsts they ever had.

"Can't Howie come too?" AJ asked suddenly.

"So I'm out-numbered. Three to one?" She found herself teasing him. AJ gave her a pout that Chase did. It hit home fast as she found tears trickling down her face.

"Stazzie...Oh Honey..." AJ sighed as he gave her a brotherly hug. She wrapped her arms around him tightly, inviting the comfort he had always brought her.

"It's...not fair..."

"What isn't?"

"Lauren yelling at me."

"Why'd she yell at you?"

"Cause I stuck up for you! You big jerk!" Nastasia whimpered as she effortlessly hit him in the chest. Causing AJ to chuckle a bit from her weak attempt, he knew she could hit hard...He had plenty of expirence.

"Me?"

"Can't you guys just get along?" She whimpered.

"Tomorrow...Tomorrow I will..." He whispered as she looked up at him with a very sincere smile. Her eyes sparkled a bit as he made this promise.

"G-G-Good."

"Let's go get Chase Alexander." AJ laughed.

"Okay."

"I'll call Howie first." AJ grinned, knowing she was still obsessing over the fact that he had asked her out so soon. She grinned back at him as she finished dressing, ready for anything.

Chapter 23:

After the Pokemon movie Howie, Nastasia, and AJ took Chase to the park to play a bit. They were having a wonderful time. Chase was beginning to understand who AJ was, after some talking with Nastasia. And AJ found Chase irrisitable, he was adorable. AJ was falling under Chase's spell.

"Owdie! I charizad, you pi-chu!" Chase babbled excitedly as Howie laughed. He ruffled Chase's dark hair as he turned excitedly to AJ and Nastasia.

"Aunt Stazzie ponyta! You squitle!" Chase chimed out with a smirk. Nastasia laughed as she looked over at AJ mischievously.

"Squirtle? Hmmm...." She smirked as AJ glanced back at her shocked.

"NOT in front of Chase!" He gasped.

"PLAY AUNT STAZ!" Chase demanded stubbornly. AJ glanced at him and laughed, Chase was so much like him at that age. He truely was his son.

"Yes sir Chazzie. So, what happens?" Nastasia asked, trying not to laugh too much as Howie began to make silly faces at her. She stuck her tongue back out at him as Chase glanced at the two guys, then back to Nastasia.

"Us big poke-mon chase liddle ponyta." Chase roared as AJ and Howie grinned devilishly at her. Chase began to walk towards Nastasia as she gave out a little squeak.

"GRRRRRRRRR" Howie laughed as he followed Chase.

"RRRRRRRRRRR" AJ chimed in.

"GROOOOOOOOOOWLLLLL!!!" Chase offered as the three started to chase Nastasia around the park. She yelled as she frantically ran away. She began to dodge in and out, running up the slide and over the jungle gym, but the boys gained heavy ground.

As Nastasia began to run for the swings a pair of strong arms grabbed her around the waist and swung her in a circle. She yelled as Howie placed her down and grinned at her affectionately.

"I won the prize." He laughed.

"Yeah...this..." She grinned as she leaned in to place a long kiss on his soft lips.

"CHASE! DON'T LOOK! PONYTA IS EATING PIKACHU!" AJ cried as he swung Chase in a cirle and collapsed onto the soft green grass.

"Bad ponyta!" Chase giggled as Howie tossed Nastasia onto the ground after their kiss. Nastasia looked at Chase shocked.

"You were the one trying to eat me!" She laughed as she reached over AJ and gave Chase a squeeze, which made him squeal with delight.

"I spend night wid my Aunt Staz?" Chase asked after a few moments of silence.

"Yes. Mommy wants a break, so Aunt Stazzie is keeping you. Cause I love you." Nastasia smiled as Chase grinned and placed a sweet kiss on her puckered lips.

"Owdie spend night too?" Chase asked as Nastasia turned to see Howie shaking his head vigeriously.

"I guess, if he wants." Nastasia replied.

"OH YEAH! Thanks Chase!" Howie grinned as he kissed Nastasia's cheek affectionately.

"AND AJ is spending the night too. A slumber party, huh Chazzie?" Nastasia asked as she stood up.

"Yeah!" Chase screamed excitedly.

"I'm it! Come get me! I'll beat y'all to the car!" Nastasia called as she raced off towards her jeep. Howie laughed as he picked himself up and started to run after his girlfriend, leaving Chase and AJ alone.

"Want me to spend the night Chase?" AJ asked.

"Yeah! Aunt Staz bery fun." Chase cooed.

"Yeah..." AJ smiled as Chase jumped up suddenly.

"C'mon daddy! Aunt Staz gettin' aday!" Chase whimpered as he pulled AJ to his feet. "DADDY!!!"

"Coming Chase." AJ repeated stunned as an unusual smile crept to his lips. He liked the sound of that.

Daddy.

Chapter 24:

A.J chased after his son and scooped him up into his arms, the little boy giggling all the way. His son. HIS son. It was hard for him to believe, but he did after the truth slapped him in the face. It were as if he was looking at a smaller version of himself. The same dark, brown eyes...the same dark, brown hair...

" Auntie Staz no go yet! " Chase yelled, worry showing in his eyes as he watched Nastasia and Howie climb into the jeep. " No go yet! Hurry Daddy! "

A.J picked up his pace as fast as he could with Chase in his arms, getting to the car as if just in the nick of time. " Ha! See? We made it! " he laughed, as he placed Chase into the car seat, buckling him up.

" Aunt Staz leave with no Chase and Daddy? " Chase asked sadly looking up at Nastasia from the backseat.

" Oh, never, Chazzie! " Nastasia said innocently. " It was Howie's fault! "

Howie looked at his girlfriend, looking shocked, jokingly. " Who? Me? "

" Bad Owdie! Bad! " Chase said sternly, wagging a finger at him.

" Thanks Staz, now you got the kid against me, " Howie joked.

Nastasia stuck her tongue out at him and laughed, slipping a kiss on his cheek. " Sorry babe. Nah Chazzie, we weren't trying to leave without you and your daddy. "

" O-tay, dood! " Chase stated and smiled, getting a laugh out of everyone.

Hearing Nastasia refer to him as Chase's Daddy, still stunned A.J each time. He found himself dazing quietly out the window of the backseat of Nastasia's jeep. It was like rush-hour in his head, his thoughts all running at the same time. First he saw Lauren, then he finds out about Chase, now he's got Chase with him. Everything was happening really fast. He jumped a bit in his seat, his eyes widening a bit as he recovered before anyone noticed. Amanda! The name stood out in bold letters in his mind as he thought about her. She would be home in two days. What was he goin' to tell her? How could he tell her? ' Welcome home, Honey. Guess what? I've got a son! ' He laughed saracastically at his silent thought and rolled his eyes. He could just imagine how she would react. He shook his head, trying to clear it of all thoughts.

*****

Chase yawned loudly as he snuggled closer to his father, who had his arm around him. A.J looked down at him, smiling. " I think it's time for you to go to bed... "

Chase looked up at him through tired eyes. " I no go to bed... "

A.J wasn't sure what to say. This was all too new to him. " No, um, Chase. It's time for bed... "

Chase stuck out his bottom lip. " Yep, he's definately your's, " Nastasia laughed as she ruffled Chase's hair and gave him a good night kiss. " Um, Chase usually sleeps in the first guest room to your right when you reach the top of the stairs. You can have the other guest room again, " she muttered to A.J as Howie came up to her and took a seat next to her on the couch.

A.J stood up, bringing Chase into his arms. " Ok. " He began to walk away and made his way slowly up the stairs as Chase layed his head on A.J's shoulder and sighed. He entered the guest room Nastasia had said and turned on the light. He walked over to the bed and pulled back the covers using one arm while he held Chase's dead-weight body in the other arm. After placing him on the bed, he placed the covers over him. He was clueless as what to do next, so he turned around to leave, until Chase called out to him.

" Daddy? "

A.J stopped and turned around. " Um...yeah? "

" Story! "

" Huh? "

" Mommy always read story to me! "

" I uh, well...I don't have any stories with me... "

" Tell me one... "

" Um, well, I don't really know any but I promise I will next time,
ok? "

Chase nodded and reached his arms up to A.J.

A.J took his son into his arms again, hugging him, not wanting to let go.

" I wuhve you, Daddy! "

" I...I love you too, Chase. "

A.J walked out of the room, turning the light off on his way out and shutting the door. He stood outside the room for a minute, then made his way downstairs. " Where did Howie go? " he asked when he returned back downstairs.

" He's on the phone, in the kitchen, " Nastasia replied as she channel surfed.

A.J collapsed in one of the chairs, sighing deeply. " Stazzie? "

" Yeah? "

" He's just like me... "

" Who? " Nastasia asked, not paying much attention.

" Chase... "

" What did I try to tell ya? " Nastasia joked as she switched the tv off and turned to face A.J.

" I don't want to lose him... "

" What do you mean? "

" I mean, you know, Lauren...what if she trys to keep him away from me after how I, ya know...yesterday... "

" Listen to me J, she's not gonna do that. If that was the case, then she wouldn't of introduced you to Chase. She did it because she wants Chase to have his father, and you to have your son. "

" But, w-why did she keep him from me all this time? Keeping the fact that I have a son, away from me for 3 1/2 years? "

" Maybe if you would have answered all those phone calls that she made... " Nastasia said and stood up, going into the kitchen, leaving A.J to think.

*****

" You sure you want to take him home? " Nastasia asked, looking at A.J quizzically.

" Yeah, yeah, I'm sure, " A.J replied. " I need to talk to Lauren anyways. So why not do it now? "

" Fine, just don't get into another fight. Got it? "

" Who? Me? "

" Yeah, you! " Nastasia laughed and punched him playfully in the shoulder.

" Buh-bye, Auntie Staz! " Chase said, grinning as Nastasia bent down to give him a big hug.

" See you later, J. "

" Bye, Stazzie. I'll give you a call later. "

" Alright... "

A.J took hold of Chase's hand and led him out to the car, and placed him in the car seat he took from Nastasia's jeep. He didn't know what he was going to say when he saw Lauren, but he knew he had to say something.

*****

I had just gotten dressed after finishing a shower when I heard the doorbell ring. I rushed around, pulling my shirt on and rushing down the stairs to the front door. I expected that it would be Nastasia here, bringing Chase home and I was ready to apologize. I was surprised to the point of speechlessness when I opened the door.

A.J stood there, clutching onto Chase's tiny hand, speechless himself.

Chapter 25:

I stood there, my wet hair fizzing with the heat as AJ stared at me. Our eyes locked for an instant and I thought I saw the fire back in his eyes, but maybe I didn't.

"Mommy, Daddy take me to da Poke-mon movie!" Chase called excitedly to me as he wrapped his arms around my legs. I patted his head effortlessly, still staring at AJ.

"How 'bout you go take Pooh to your room...You have...some cleaning to do there little man." I said finally managing to tear my eyes away from AJ to look at my son. Although it was like looking at a mirror of AJ.

"Oh da I have to?" Chase mumbled.

"Chase Alexander..." I moaned, laughing a bit on the inside, this was such an awkward posistion for me. AJ still keeping his eyes on me as his son started a fight.

"Go icedream with Aunt Staz later?" Chase asked hopefully, his brown eyes lighting up with excitment.

"Staz and I aren't too cool right now Chaz." I moaned, AJ still watching.

"PDEAAAASE?" Chase begged.

"All right. We'll call her in a few minutes." I replied, giving up the fight. If it could get Chase away for a few moments, the better. "Go get the room clean Mister."

"Yes d'am!" Chase smiled as he ran back to AJ and threw his tiny arms around him. I watched in shock as AJ placed a gentel kiss on Chase's forehead. "Wuhve Daddy!"

"Love you too Chaser." He laughed.

"Come visid mommy and me?"

"Anytime." He grinned as I watched Chase run up the stairs, eager and totally alert. I watched AJ lean casually on the doorframe as he watched me.

"Can we talk?" He asked me after a few moments of awkward silence. I gazed at him shocked as I stood there, guarding my territory.

"Why'd you bring Chase home?" I demanded, anger creeping into my voice.

"Cause I spent the night with Stazzie and we took him to the movie."

"Why'd you spend the night with Staz?"

"Cause I like hanging out with my best friend and I wanted to know my son a little better." AJ responded to me, I could hear the irritation dragging in his voice.

"Why? You denyed him before, Alexander. Why the sudden change?" I asked, feeling my heart grow cold. He looked so innocent standing there in my doorway, but he wasn't. He never would be innocent to me. Just another snake...that I loved.

"I'm sorry about that okay? I promised Stazzie we wouldn't fight. This hurts her and Chase you know."

"Stop it! God, I hate it when you're right!" I moaned, AJ looked like he got a bit of satisfaction out of my response. I boiled again.

"So, anyway. I know he's my son. And I want to spend more time with him. I'm accepting full responsibility. I'm not saying you need to start being my friend again, I just don't want fighting. I just want to see Chase." AJ spoke with clear maturity, which surprised me a bit. Was this the same guy who threw water balloons out of the hotel room? The same one who threw Nick out of the hotel room in his boxers? The same one I had loved?

"Uh...when do you want him?" I asked, feeling stupid for what I had just said.

"With me being on tour it'll get kinda crazy. But I was thinking every weekend, starting with this Friday? Then like when I'm on tour I could fly him in for a bit, I mean Stazzie will be there too..."

"Uh...Ok..."

"You're all right with this?"

"Yes." I replied dumbfounded.

"So I can pick him up on Friday?" AJ asked a little too eagerly.

"After three." I replied.

"If you need anything for him just tell me too. I'll provide for him...I can do that ya know...."

"I have enough money thank you." I replied tartly, anger still heating a bit.

"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that." AJ said, backing down a bit, "So Friday then?"

"If you answer me one question."

"Fine."

"Why all of a sudden you want him?"

"Because, Stazzie did some fast talking with me. She has a way with words. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be here right now. I owe her the world...And you do too."

With that he just hopped down the steps, waving to Chase. Chase stared out the window of his room. I was dumbfounded, Nastasia did all that? Wow...Just like that...

Chapter 26:

I stood frozen in my doorway as I watched A.J get back into his car and drive off. I couldn't believe that all of a sudden he had accepted Chase, just because Nastasia had talked to him. But, that was Nastasia for you. She had a way with words. Just one of the things I had always been jealous of.

A.J was right though. I did owe the world to her. She was always there for me. Through all the hard times. When A.J and I broke up, the pregnancy, when Chase was born and so on. Through all the hard times, she was there. I don't know where I would be today without her. If it weren't for her, A.J would have never accepted Chase.

I closed the front door and made my way back upstairs to fix my hair before it got too out of hand from being all wet. On the way to my room, I stopped outside Chase's door and peered inside. He sat on the floor playing with a couple of his many toy trucks, his room was still messy, but I didn't care anymore. I smiled and walked into my son's room.

" Hey sweetie, whatcha doin'? " I asked sitting down on his bed.

" Playin' " He replied, not looking up at me.

" Did you have fun with Auntie Staz? " I asked as he came up to me and climbed onto my lap.

" Yeah! Yeah! Auntie Staz, Owdie and Daddy take me to see Poke-Mon movie and den to da park! " Chase said excitedly, his eyes wide and bright.

" Was it a good movie? " I asked, laughing at my son in amusement.

" Yep! " he yelled. " We still go to icedream with Auntie Staz? "

" Sure, I was gonna call her in a little bit. "

" Daddy go too? "

I shook my head, knowing it would dissapoint my son. " No, Daddy's not coming. "

" Why? "

" Because...um...Daddy's busy...so he can't come, " I lied, knowing my son wouldn't understand if I tried to explain the truth to him. " How about we go call Auntie Staz now? "

" Yeah! Yeah! " Chase jumped off my lap and began to run out of his room, me following him. I made a quick detour to my room to grab my brush and a scrunchie and then hurried downstairs to find Chase waiting by the phone. " Dall Auntie Staz dow! " he demanded with a grin.

I laughed and said " Yes sir " with a playful salute to my son and grabbed the phone, quickly dialing Nastasia's number.

Chapter 27:

I found myself shaking violently as I dialed the numbers. Chase was pushing me very hard to call her. I remember the fight, the harsh words, the anger. I felt pain in my chest as the phone rung, once, twice...

"'Ello?" I heard a breathy voice answer the phone. I knew it was Nastasia, and she was laughing like a maniac. Oh, God, I thought her laugh was so cute, something many guys loved about her too.

"Hi Staz." I replied, not even reconizing my own strained voice. Chase looked at me quizzically. He tilted his hair, letting some of his dark hair fall into his eyes.

"Hi? Who's this? I'm afraid I can't make out the voice. I'm such a ditz sometimes!" Nastasia replied as I heard a muffled laugh in the backround, then a hard slap. Howie was there and Nastasia must have hit him from a remark he had stated.

"Staz, it's Lauren." I replied.

I felt the tension grow on the phone as she became suddenly silent. I wondered where she was at that moment. Sitting on her kitchen counter? Cuddling with Howie on the couch? In the bedroom tidying up a bit? It drove me nuts not to know what she was up to!

"Hello Lauren..." Nastasia replied after a few tense moments of silence. I felt the breath being taken out of my lungs, she seemed so formal. That was not my Nastasia.

"What's up?" I replied, as causually as I could make it out to be, which scared me a bit to begin with.

"Nothing. I was just...Ahh...Cooking..." She replied, as if she had to think about the task before she could answer. I heard Howie laugh again, then another hit.

"I'm sorry." I finally managed to muster.

"You mean for being so rude to me on the phone? And for yelling at Chase when he didn't do a thing? You know how long it took for me to loosen that boy back to his normal self? He was clinging to me like a lost puppy." Nastasia replied, the anger flowing thick from her words.

"I...sorry..." I replied like a child, shocked by Nastasia's strong words.

"Apologizing doesn't cover your butt all the time there Lauren." She replied, the ice frosting her words to bitter slaps upon my warm face.

"I..."

"No. I nothing. It was utterly out of character for you to behave like that. I don't care if it was a hard time for you. I know what it's like and I understand. But you NEVER yell at Chase when he did nothing to begin with. That seriously hurts a kid, and it takes forever for that emotional scaring to heal. You should know that Lauren." Nastasia replied, then I heard the dial tone.

She had hung up on me.

I knew what she was talking about as I hung up the phone. My heart started to beat a mile a minute. Her father had been like that. When she was younger he would strike out at her for other problems in his life. That scared Nastasia for life, I knew it was hard for her to see that going on with someone she loved so much. And, again, she was only thinking of Chase's welfare.

"Mommy, we go do Aunt Stazzie's douse dow?" Chase asked with his little lisp of placing d's in his words. I looked down and gave a little nod, knowing what I had to do to make it up to Nastasia.

"We'll go get the icecream and bring it to Aunt Staz. How 'bout that Chase?"

"DOOD!" Chase said with a dazzeling grin, a grin that could cheer up the saddest angels. I was silently hoping that it would help one of his favorite angels, Nastasia.

Chapter 28:

The whole way to Nastasia's, I thought of what I would say to her. I hated to think she was so angry with me. It was very rare for her to ever get this angry with me or anyone. But, I guess she had a good reason.

I pulled into Nastasia's driveway ready for what I had to say to my friend, to make ammends with her. I got out of the car and walked around to the passenger side to take Chase from the car seat. I grabbed the plastic bag containing the icecream, Chocolate Chip Mint, Chase's favorite, off of his lap and placed it on the pavement and proceeded to un-buckle my son. After shutting the car door, I picked up the bag and followed my son up to the front door. Chase began to repeatedly ring the doorbell. I couldn't help but laugh at the giggle he let out.

I could hear someone shouting from inside to hold on and a second later the door opened and Howie appeared in the doorway.

" Owdie! " Chase yelled and stretched his arms to be picked up.

Howie bent over and took the boy into his arms. " Hey there kiddo. Uh, hey Lauren... "


" We bwing icedream! " Chase said pointing at the bag hanging from my hand.


" Really? That's great! I could go for some icecream right now, " Howie said, ruffling up Chase's hair.

Chase let out a giggle. " We go for icedream doo? " he asked with a confused look.

Howie laughed and shook his head. " No, I meant I'd like some
icecream. "

" Go get boe Owdie! Go get boe! " Chase said, pointing his finger in the direction of the kitchen.

" Alright kiddo, let's go. " Howie took Chase inside and I followed.
" So, how's it going, Lauren? "

" Ok, I guess... " I stated slowly.

" Is that my Chazzie I hear? " Nastasia asked from the kitchen. A minute later she appeared with a bright smile on her face, but it soon dimmed when she noticed me.

Chase squirmed in Howie's arms until he placed him on the ground. Chase ran over to Nastasia, who instantly took him into a hug. " We bwing icedream Auntie Staz! "

" Oooh, what kind Chazzie? "

" Choc-kit chip mint! "

" Sounds good. How about you and Howie go take it into the kitchen and dish up while I talk to your Mommy? "

" O-tay. C'mon, Owdie! Dow! "

" Right behind you, Chase. "

As soon as Howie and Chase were in the Kitchen, Nastasia fixed her attention at me. " So um, how come you came over? "

" Because I never got a chance to really apologize because you sorta hung up on me and I feel I need to apologize for how I acted. "

" You're right, you do need to. "

She could be so stubborn sometimes. " I guess I had no excuse for acting the way I did, and there was NO excuse for me taking it out on Chase. "

" You're damn right there wasn't. I don't even know what- "

" I'm sorry ok? " I sighed loudly even though I had expected Nastasia to act like this. " Listen Staz...I didn't come over here to start a fight... "

" Well...too bad sweetheart...cause you did, " Nastasia snapped back, her words cold and full of anger. I stood back, my eyes wide with surprise. " Sound familiar, Lauren? " I saw her eyes soften as tears welled up in my own.

" I...I said I was sorry, damnit! " I managed to say.

Nastasia closed her eyes for a minute and sighed. " Ok, let's just stop. Apology accepted, ok? It's just, I've never seen you get after Chase like that before, especially when he hasn't done anything and it really pissed me off. You know how I'm against it. And...maybe I overreacted. "

"Maybe just a little." I replied with half a grin. Nastasia looked at me with great confusion, then smiled too. I knew our fight was over. Simple as that.

"Anyway, how did AJ act when he dropped Chazzie off?" Nastasia asked as Howie yelled for us to come eat our now melting icecream.

"He was cool. He's so serious about Chazzie. He's even picking him up on Friday." I replied, my heart lightening with one of the first true smiles I had had in a few days.

"Decent." Nastasia nodded.

"Time for icecream?" I asked.

"You mean iecdream?"

"Yeah...Icedream."

Chapter 29:

Friday whizzed by a bit too fast for AJ's taste. He had picked up Chase already and they were playing around the house. AJ had a new room redone for Chase, in it hung thousands of cars and trucks with dinosaurs. He thought it was pretty cool, so did Chase.

"Daddy! Come play Pokemon wid me! I be Pi-chu this dime!" Chase sang as he raced down AJ's long hallway to the DVD room. AJ sat comfortably on the chair as Chase climbed up beside him.

"How 'bout Chaser cools down and watches a pokemon movie with daddy?" AJ asked, grasping the parenting idea very well. He knew he'd be okay.

"POKE-MON?!" Chase asked, his brown eyes growing bright with excitement.

"Yeah buddy. Wanna watch it?" AJ grinned.

"DUH!" Chase replied, acting a bit like Nastasia. Making AJ laugh with surprise as he flicked on the DVD player, tiring himself and Chase a bit.

*************************

AJ found himself sleeping as the door slammed shut. He jumped awake to find Chase curled up watching Pokemon silently at the end of the couch. AJ moaned as he stretched a bit.

"Jayers!" He heard a high pitched whine. AJ's heart jumped a bit as he jumped up and raced out. Hoping Chase didn't see him go out.

"Hey BABY!" AJ called as he saw Amanda place her bags on the table. He found himself panicking as Amanda wrapped her arms around him and placed a loving kiss on his lips. Gosh, he loved the feel of her skin on his.

"Hi sweetie, did you miss me?" Amanda cooed as she pulled him to a couch in the living room to rest. Amanda was his current girlfriend and was living with him. She had gone over to Spain for a few shows, then came home.

"You know I did..."

"So, hows Nastasia?" Amanda asked, a bit of jealousy hinting around in her voice. She loved Nastasia with all her heart, but tended to become a little errie when leaving AJ home alone with her around.

"The same old Stazzie. She's going out with Howie now."

"REALLY!"

"Yes!"

"GOSH! I'LL HAVE TO CALL HER!"

"Okay baby..." AJ laughed tightly as he kissed her cheek softly.

"So, what happened while I was gone?"

That was AJ's cue. He knew he'd have to tell her about Chase. He couldn't hide the child while he was watching a movie in his room. She'd notice sooner or later...

"Um...I have some news..."

"What news?" Amanda replied as she flicked a piece of lint off her dark clothing.

"I..." AJ was about to say, but Chase came running out of the room in hysterics. His face wetted with tears as he came crying.

"Dadda...mean...cold...no dadda...Daddy!" Chase cried as he came running. AJ quickly scooped him up in his arms and quieted him with whispers. Amanda watched in confusion.

"Chase...I'd like you to meet someone." AJ gulped.

"Who Daddy?" Chase asked as he sniffed back a few tears.

"This is Amanda. Amanda, this is Chase, my son."

"Hello Chase." Amanda replied as she glared up at AJ, then plastering a smile on her face for Chase.

"Hi nice lady." Chase replied eagerly. AJ smiled as he gave Chase a kiss on his cheek.

"Hey Chaser, go play." AJ ordered.

"O-tay daddy." Chase nodded as he ran back the hallway, leaving AJ to face the horror that awaited him.

*******

"AJ, what do you mean a SON?!" Amanda cried hoarsly as she stared down at AJ with fire flaming in her eyes. He winced as he stared back too.

"It's Lauren and I's child."

"LAUREN?!" Amanda flamed again, he knew she hated Lauren with a deep passion. She didn't care for his ex-girlfriend too much.

"I didn't know about him till like Monday. I meant to call, but I didn't know what to do. It wasn't planned."

"You're not intending on caring for him are you?!" She sneered, "Cause I do not want any form of Lauren in this house. I don't even care if he is your damn child."

"He's my son." AJ whispered, growing cold.

"It's him or me AJ." Amanda stated.

"Okay..."

"Good, let's go drop him off."

"No."

"No?"

"I choose Chase." AJ whispered as Amanda looked at him and let out a loud growl. She reached across and slapped him hard across the cheek.

"Fine, but you'll never have me again!" She yelled as she picked up her bags and screamed once more, slamming the door hard. Letting AJ know that he would never be able to open that door and see her smiling face. EVER again.

Chapter 30:

A.J sat there stunned, his cheek burning with heat as it turned a deep red color from the slap. He stared blankly at the front door until reality hit him completely and he stood up and slammed his right fist into the nearest wall with complete and utter rage. " SHIT! " he cried out in pain, squeezing his eyes shut as he sank to the floor and let the tears begin to spill.

His hand was red and throbbed with pain, but that wasn't what hurt him the most. What did, was the fact that Amanda walked out on him and would not come back. He knew her too well - she wasn't coming back.

" Goddamnit, " he swore between his continuous sobs of hurt and anger. He heard tiny footsteps pounding down the hall and Chase burst into the living-room.

" Whad wong, Daddy? Chase asked, clueless as to what happened. A.J couldn't find his voice to answer. Chase's bottom lip began to quiver as tears welled up in his eyes when A.J didn't answer him. " Daddy? " Still getting no response out of his father, he began to cry.

A.J looked at his son and forcefully brushed his own tears away. He reached out and brought Chase into his arms, trying to calm the crying child. He sat there holding his son in complete silence, his head exploding with thoughts.

He felt as if his whole world was turning upside down and now the love of his life had just walked out on him, leaving him to feel all alone.

He couldn't handle this at the moment. This was all too much for him to handle. He stood up with Chase in his arms, his hand still throbbing. " C'mon, buddy. Y-you wanna go watch Pokemon again? " he asked as calmly as he could.

Chase nodded and pointed to his Pooh Bear on the couch. " P-pooh. "

A.J walked over to the couch, retrieving the Pooh Bear and began to take Chase back to the DvD room, placing him back on the large couch. " I-I'll be right back... "

*****

Nastasia had just walked through her door when the phone began to ring. She slammed the door shut and ran through her living-room, throwing her car keys on the coffee table. " Hello? "

" Stazzie? "

" J, hey! How's it going? "

" You need to come get Chase... "

Nastasia could hear the distress and sadness in her friend's voice. Something was not right and she began to worry. " Why? A.J, what's wrong? "

" Just please, Stazzie. Come get him... "

" What happened? "

" Damnit Nastasia, just come get him! " A.J hung up the phone hastily and threw it to the couch. He made his way to the kitchen and over to the freezer for ice, his right hand being some what swollen.

Nastasia stared at the phone dumbfoundedly as the dial tone sounded. Something was defenitely wrong. She grabbed her keys and rushed out the door.

*****

Nastasia burst through A.J's door and found him sitting on one of the couches in the living-room, with his head in one hand and the other hand wrapped in an ice-pack. As she got closer, she could tell he was sobbing quietly to himself. This worried her even more. " A.J? A.J, sweetie, what happened? " She crouched down in front of him and waited for him to give any response. " J? "

A.J looked up at her through teary eyes. " S-she...left...me... " he managed to choke out.

Nastasia looked at him quizzically, confusion washing over her face. " What? Who did? "

" Amanda... "

Nastasia was surprised at what he said. It didn't make sense. They loved each other, and she left him? It didn't sound right.
" Omg...why? "

He hated to even think why, but he might as well tell her. He had sacrificed his relationship for the love he had for his son. He stared at the ground as he answered, unable to look at Nastasia, as if he were ashamed. " B-because of Chase. S-she got mad and wouldn't accept him. She told me it was either him or her. And...damnit, Stazzie! He's my son! What did she expect me to say?! "

Nastasia listened in complete shock as A.J explained what had happened. She couldn't believe that Amanda would do that to A.J. It didn't sound like her at all. They had a perfect a relationship, and now it was all over. " Oh sweetie... " She felt her heart go out to him as she embraced him in a hug. After a few minutes she pulled back once A.J had somewhat controlled his emotions and was silent. She saw his hand wrapped in an ice pack and instantly became more worried. " A.J, what happened to your hand? "

A.J stared down at his swollen hand foolishly as it shook from trauma. He couldn't even answer the question. " Y-you gotta take Chase for me. I...I can't handle having him here right now... " It hurt him to even say the words, but he knew it would do Chase no good if he were to stay there right then.

" But A.J, you promised him... " Nastasia began. She didn't want to see A.J act so weak.

" Please, Stazzie. You gotta understand...I just don't think I can handle this right now. I wouldn't have called you if I thought I could handle it, but right now I can't. Please, Stazzie... " Tears glistened in his eyes, pleading with his friend.

Nastasia sighed. She could just imagine how Chase was going to be. She didn't want to do it, but she understood where A.J was coming from and she knew it wouldn't be good for Chase to stay there at the moment.
" W-where is he? " she asked quietly.

" Watching Pokemon in the DvD room, " A.J answered as he stood up.

" I'll go get him, " Nastasia said, turning away from A.J and heading down the hall. She entered the room that was eluminated only by the tv. Chase was so into the movie that he didn't hear her as she entered the room. " Hey Chazzie... "

" Auntie Staz! " Chase said grinning towards her.

" Watcha watching? "

" Poke-mon! "

" Wow, looks really cool! "

" Yeah! "

" I have an idea...how about you come over to my house and we'll watch Pokemon there, " Nastasia said, trying her best to word it.

" Daddy too? "

" Um, no. Your Daddy is going to stay here... "

" No. Me stay wit Daddy. "

Nastasia sat down next to him. " Chazzie, you need to come with Auntie Staz, ok? "

" No! Me stay wit Daddy! "

" Chaz...you have to. Daddy needs to...be alone right now and said it would be ok for you to come stay at my house, ok? "

" No! "

Nastasia tried to take Chase into her arms, but he pushed her away with tiny force. " C'mon Chase... " After some difficulty, she got him into her arms, which sent him into hysterics as she began walking out of the room.

" No Auntie Staz! No! Me stay wit Daddy! "

A.J looked up at his son in sorrow as Nastasia entered back into the living-room.

" NO! ME STAY WIT DADDY! " Chase yelled with tears streaming down his face, his arms outstretched to A.J as soon as he saw him.

A.J took him into his arms for a hug. " Shhh, buddy. It's ok. I'll come get you from Auntie Staz's house later, ok? "

" NO DADDY! NO! "

" I'll call you later Staz, " A.J said, handing Chase back to Nastasia who didn't reply. Chase clung to A.J's shirt. " I'll see you later Chasers. I love you. "

" DADDY!!! "

A.J collapsed onto the couch as he listened to Chase repeatedly screaming outside.

Chapter 31:

AJ found himself wandering around the halls of his house. His life had no meaning anymore. He felt like Amanda had ripped out his heart and chewed it to tiny pieces. He was dull and throbbing with pain.

"God Amanda...Why?" AJ moaned as fresh tears sprung to his eyes. He fingered a picture of him and Amanda cuddling on the pier of his ocean. He felt his legs give beneath him as he crumpled to the floor.

"You didn't have to leave. I know we could of made it. We could of...Just...not now...God, why did this happen. Everything was going great, I find out I have a kid...and now...and...and...DAMNIT!" AJ cursed as he brought down his bad fist into the glass, shattering the picture into a thousands pieces.

"F-----" AJ hissed as he brought his fist back up and hugged it tight. Something black from deep inside boiled within him. He closed his eyes and screamed again.

AJ tugged himself focrefully into his study room with his grand piano. He snatched some paper from his desk and a pen. He took his right hand and carefully scratched out a quick note, although the pain surged throughout the writing.

He quickly wiped his tears away as he pinned the note to the fridge in his kitchen. He felt his heart start to pound as he reached in and grabbed some of his pain pills when he had hurt himself on tour.

********

Nastasia watched Chase play effortlessly on the floor. He was very angery with her at the moment. She felt horrid as Howie sat beside her cuddling her tightly. Chase was so mad, and he didn't even want to talk to Nastasia at the moment.

"Chase?" Nastasia tried.

No reply.

"Chazzie?"

Still no reply.

"Chase Alexander!" Nastasia finally called.

"Me no like Stazzie no more! Hate Aunt Staz! Me w-want daddy!" Chase finally cried out as he stared hatefully at Nastasia with his dark eyes flaming. Nastasia jumped back as Chase ran up the stairs to his room, slamming the door.

"Staz?" Howie asked softly as Nastasia zoned out a bit. She looked away, her eyes glazing over with confusion. Howie shook her a bit as she jumped up and ran to snatch her keys.

"Stazzie, wait!" Howie called as he turned Nastasia back around, searching her eyes. Her eyes seemed frantic and worried as she stared back at him, "Nastasia, where are you going?"

"Something doesn't feel right..." She said with fear coating her voice.

"What?"

"AJ...it's a feeling...I...man...I have to go, watch Chase for me. I have to get AJ. Understand." Nastasia whispered as she ran out of the house in a heartbeat, leaving Howie confused as much as she was.

Chapter 32:

Nastasia jumped into her car and sped off down the road. Panic and fear was rushing through her. She didn't understand why. She had been sitting with Howie after Chase had stormed off, when a sudden feeling hit her and A.J's name flashed in her mind. She felt the sudden need to get to him as quickly as possible. Something was terribly wrong - she could feel it.

She tapped her hands impatiently on the steering wheel, waiting for the traffic light to turn green and once it did, the cars ahead of her seemed to move extremely slow. She slammed her hand down on the horn repeatedly.

Nastasia panicked more and more as each minute rolled by. She felt as if she were in a race against time. What scared her even more was that she didn't know what was happening - why she was feeling this. All she knew was something was wrong and she had to get to A.J.

Finally, she reached A.J's street and then his house and pulled into the driveway. Everything looked peaceful from the outside, but that didn't calm her fears. She rushed up to A.J's door and burst into the house. An eerie silence roamed the place.

" A.J? " Nastasia called out, but only silence replied. " A.J?! " Where was he? She ran into the kitchen looking desperately for her friend, a sickening feeling growing in the pit of her stomach. He wasn't in there. She was about to leave the kitchen when something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. It was a piece of paper pinned to the fridge. She quickly ran over to it and snatched it off.

' My world has been turned upside down and has crashed around me. My love is gone. I see no meaning anymore...why live? Tell my son, Chase, that Daddy loves him. - A.J '

Nastasia's hands shook tremendously. " HOLY SHIT! " she cried, dropping the note and running out of the kitchen. She ran down the hall, her heart beating a marathon. " Please God, no... ' she thought as she reached A.J's bedroom. It was dark except for light escaping from the bathroom from the door not being shut all the way. She swung the door open and screamed in horror.

A.J lay on the bathroom floor unconcious, the bottle of pain medication spilled around him. His right hand was swollen and had cuts on it.

Nastasia dropped to her knees beside her friend's seemingly lifeless body. " OMG, A.J, sweetie wake up. Please wake up. " She shook his shoulder, but recieved no response. " A.J! Wake up, damnit! WAKE UP! " she screamed, still shaking his shoulder. The tears were now streaming down her face. " Please A.J, wake up... " She brought two fingers to the side of his neck to feel for a pulse and was glad to find one. He was breathing, but she knew if he didn't wake up and get the drug out of his system, he would be in trouble.

All of a sudden, A.J's mouth parted and he began to take in deep breaths of air, then his eyes opened, but his beautiful brown eyes were clouded over with confusion. He looked up and saw Nastasia sitting beside him, the tears streaming down her face. How did she get there? He didn't remember calling her to come over again. " S-Stazzie? " he asked hoarsly, not fully alert.

Nastasia wanted to scream at him with anger, tell him how stupid he was, but she knew that wasn't what he needed. " A-are you ok? "

A.J shook his head, but regretted it. His head was pounding. " I think...I think...I'm going to be sick... " he murmured, shutting his eyes.

" A.J, sit up sweetie, " Nastasia ordered gently, trying to hoist A.J into the sitting position with much difficulty. She was able to get him to sit up just as he began to let it all out.

*****

A.J moaned in his sleep as he tossed and turned in his bed. He slowly opened his eyes and had to squint from the bright sun light that shone through his window. He was in his bed, still in the pair of dark blue baggy jeans and black tank that he was wearing the day before, but he couldn't remember how he got there. Everything was all so hazy. He stretched his arm out to his right, expecting to find his girlfriend laying there, but was dismayed to find the right side of the bed empty. " Amanda? " he asked the silence, but got no reply. Then everything started coming back to him. The final moment of their relationship, the slamming of the door; the depression that followed and how he had wanted to end it all. Images flashed through out his mind of him unscrewing the cap of the medicine bottle and reaching in for the first pill. Had he actually done that? How could he have been so stupid?

All of a sudden he bolted up from his bed and shot into his bathroom, feeling extremely queezy. He began to mentally kick himself for the mistake he had made.

Sitting on the bathroom floor, he leaned against the wall and took a deep breath, and the tears began to fall.

Chapter 33:

Nastasia walked back the hallway to AJ's room. She felt like she had been put through a rollercoaster, she had spent the night at AJ's house. Never once leaving his side, until morning when she felt like she needed fresh air. She didn't even have time to pick up a phone and call Howie. Or Chase. She shook her head slowly as she walked into the bedroom.

Empty.

"ALEXANDER?!" Nastasia yelled loudly, fear gripping her heart as she looked at the empty bed. She felt lightheaded as she repeatedly called his name.

Then she heard sobbing in the bathroom.

"J...J Baby..." Nastasia called softly as she walked into the bathroom to find AJ crouching in the corner, sobbing like a child. She watched him grip the bottle of medicine tightly, she gasped as she walked over and took the pills from his hand.

"S-S-Stazzie?" He sniffed back as he stared up at her like a child who was very afraid and lonely. She crouched down beside him and placed the pills on the counter. She stared back into his overpowering eyes and gave him a sad smile.

"Have a nice sleep?" She asked, not sure whether to scream at him or cry.

"H-How..." AJ asked as his voice dropped, he was at a loss for words. Nastasia looked away for a moment, AJ already saw the pain she was in. He winced.

"I was at home with Chase and Howie. Then I got this stupid feeling. So, I came here and found your damn note. I panicked and ran to find you. Thank God you actually woke up and threw up all that junk." Nastasia sighed as she looked away from him, terrified to show the tears that were streaming down her pale cheeks. "Why?"

"Amanda..."

"You'd kill yourself for Amanda? The one who was jealous of our friendship? The one who whined at the simplist changes? The one who ran out the door? The one who didn't even want to help you with your child?" Nastasia asked scornfully as she faced him, letting her emotions show as she stared hatefully at him.

"I...I...God Staz, she was everything to me. I'm sorry that I miss her!" AJ said, bowing his head and starting to sob again.

Nastasia winced this time.

"You know what? You scared the shit out of me! How am I supposed to understand you killing yourself over her? I felt so sick last night, I couldn't even leave your side for a minute. You were worrying me, I'm scared ok?" Nastasia turned and admitted to him as he looked up to stare into his best friend's gorgeous eyes.

"You're not supposed to understand. You're just supposed to be there and give me a hug and kiss." AJ whimpered as he held both arms out to her like Chase would when he had a bad dream. Nastasia gave him a weak smile and hugged him tightly.

"Don't EVER do that again! I want you to spend the week with me okay? Pack your bags, that way I can make sure you don't get into any trouble. You can always have your room." Nastasia scolded as AJ wiped the tears away from her flushed cheeks.

"Promise...I don't know what I was thinking." AJ moaned, his head still throbbing and he felt sick to his stomach. Nastasia nodded as she stood up and offered him a hand up, only when she grabbed both hands he yelped and came crashing back down. "SON OF A--"

"J! Ohmigosh! I forgot! Let me see!" Nastasia cried as she bent down. AJ offered her his delicate right hand, the swelling began to increase as it bled a bit, angry black and blue marks threatened his perfect skin.

"It hurts." AJ managed to whimper.

"I hate to tell you this babe, but you punched some thing a little too hard. You're going out to the ER again. I seriously think you broke it...Damn what am I gonna do with you when we practice tomorrow?"

"I don't know...You think it's seriously broke?" AJ asked as he stood up and cupped his bad hand gingerly. Nastasia gazed back at him with seriousness.

"I went through drunken rages with my Dad. I know what a broken hand looks like, and I know what it feels like when it happens to you...Even when it wasn't your fault..." Nastasia said softly, AJ had tracked up her past. Her drunk father, the anger, the hitting, the pain. Everything.

"Stazzie...I'm sorry..." AJ sighed as he placed his arm around her protectivly. She sighed loudly as she placed her head on his left shoulder.

"No big deal...it happened..."

"But..."

"No, I'm going to go call Howie. I'll tell him where I am and where to meet us. He's going to kill me one of these days I swear." Nastasia answered absentmindedly as she forced herself to bury the memories that she didn't want to come back up.

"Nastasia..." AJ started to call, knowing this wasn't good for her. She could be in these states for days, but she never really took care of herself, just everyone else. Which drove AJ nuts, he felt he had to protect his little sister, and he almost lost that privilage that night.

"Get some clean clothes on, figures you get to have clean clothes and I get to look like a bum..." Nastasia continued, blocking his voice of concern out of her mind. No bad thoughts. No bad thoughts.

"HEY! You can wear a pair of my jeans and a t-shirt. You always looked fly in my clothes, and they fit you, although you fill them out a little better than I do." AJ said, trying to switch his thoughts, knowing he'd get to her later.

"I should hit your bad arm for that." She teased back.

"Hey!"

"My fave pair?" Nastasia asked innocently.

"Yes. Your fave."

"Thanks J." She said with a fake smile as she kissed his cheek softly and walked to the door. "I'll call D and we'll get going...."

Chapter 34:

Nastasia paced back and forth while AJ was being treated. She knew Howie was on his way with Chase. He was pretty upset with her at the moment, but he understood.

"Jezz...Jezz....Jezz..." Nastasia repeated over and over. Her mind swirled with thoughts of her father, her friends, Chase, AJ, and Howie...

Nastasia jingled in AJ's pants, a quarter. She gave a sigh as she ran to the hallway and grabbed a payphone. She jammed the quarter into the slot and shakily dialed Lauren's number.

One ring...
*******
"Hello?" I asked sleepily into the phone. It was quiet without Chase around the house. I smiled, thinking it might be AJ.

"Laurie????" Nastasia asked impatiently. I could sense the panic. My heart started to beat faster as I heard the backround sounds...it sounded like a hospital.

"Staz, what's the matter?" I asked.

"AJ..."

"Oh God! Chase!" I screamed.

"No...not Chase. I had him, he's with Howie now..."

"What's wrong with him?!" I asked, calming down a bit. I felt my heartbeat go back to normal. Nastasia's breathing began to become faster, I must admit it made me a bit nervous also.

"He...he...he...tried to kill himself..." Nastasia stuttered.

"He did...what?" I asked, finding myself feeling dizzy. I fell to my couch, weary. He wanted to what? Not AJ...Not my AJ...

"Can you come to the hospital..." Nastasia whimpered, "I need some help...Chase will be here...I feel so helpless."

"Will you tell me EVERYTHING when I get there?!" I asked.

"Yes..."

"I'll be there in about a half hour!"

"Okay." Nastasia replied as she hung up. I felt panic as I ran up my stairs, getting ready for anything.

*****

I still couldn't believe this. What could have possibly possessed A.J to try to kill himself? I felt so confused it made me dizzy. I began to realize that I still loved him. I had always loved him. No matter how angry I ever got towards him, it would never change the love I felt for him.

Finally, I pulled into the parking lot and quickly found a parking spot. My heart beating quickly, I rushed inside. I realized Nastasia hadn't told me where she was. What floor? I had rushed into the ER figuring it would be worth a shot. Just as I was walking through the double automatic doors, I heard a tiny shout call out my name.

I looked diagnally to my left and saw Chase run at me after hoping down from Howie's lap. I felt a smile creep across my lips as I bent down and let my son run into my arms.

" Mommy! Mommy! " Chase cried happily, wrapping his tiny arms around me.

" I missed you so much sweetie, " I cooed, hugging him tight to me and smothering him with kisses. I picked him up and slowly made my way over to where Nastasia sat with Howie.

Howie had his arm around Nastasia and was talking quietly with her, but she didn't really seem to be listening. I could see it in her face, almost crystal clear, that she was still worried about A.J. I didn't blame her.

I thought it was amazing how she could act so strong in such hard times. She kept everyone from losing their sanity. And she really was a life saver.

I took a seat next to my friend, balancing my son on my lap. " Tell me what happened... " I said quietly.

Howie stood up and walked in front of Chase. " How about me and you go get a soda or something, maybe some candy. I know I saw a vending machine back that way, " he said to Chase, holding out his hand and using the other to point in the direction he was talking about.

Chase hopped off my lap, taking hold of Howie's hand and the two walked off. I knew Howie had done that so Nastasia and I could talk in private.

" Staz? " I asked. She hadn't answered me, let alone make eye contact with me since I had arrived.

" W-what? " she asked, obviously off in her own little world.

" Please, tell me what happened... "

I watched as she took in a deep breath and brought her eyes up to mine. " Amanda came back from Spain yesterday, and well, she didn't take the news of Chase too well. I don't know exactly what happened, but I guess she made A.J choose between her and Chase, and well...A.J chose Chase. She left him and I guess...I guess A.J just snapped and lost it. He called me and told me to come get Chazzie and when I got to his place he was in his living-room crying. I should have known better that something like this was going to happen. I should have stayed with him or had him come over to my place... "

" My god, Staz...I can't believe this, " I found myself saying. In a way I was glad Amanda had left A.J, not to be mean, but because I never felt she was right for him. But from what Nastasia had always told me, A.J had loved Amanda with all his heart. I had only met her but one time, and we didn't hit it off too well. It was all by mistake that I ran into her. Now because of Chase, she gave up on their relationship and left.

" You think I can either? " she asked, sadness shadowing her features.

I was in complete shock. I knew A.J could tend to be a bit crazy and stupid sometimes, but I never thought he would be capable of something like this...no matter what the circumstances were. I did the only thing I could think of and gave Nastasia the sisterly hug that she so desperately needed.

" Have you heard anything on him since you brought him in? " I asked.

" The last thing I heard was that they were taking him to x-ray for his hand, but other then that...no... "

" What happened to his hand? "

" Let's just say the wall got in the way of his fist... "

I sunk into my chair, letting myself wander deep into thought. I couldn't even begin to imagine what Nastasia had gone through. I perked up in my seat when I saw a man in a lab coat making his way towards us.

" Hi, I'm Doctor Allan Moore, " He introduced himself and offered us both a warm smile. " First off, do either of you have any questions? "

" Is he alright? " I piped up.

" Yes, he'll be fine. He's going to need a lot of rest and fluids, but he'll be fine, " Dr. Moore answered. Nastasia sighed a deep sigh of relief. " You can go see him now if you want. "

I looked over at Nastasia. She looked back and nodded. I guess she could tell I wanted to see him. " Go ahead, " she whispered.

I stood up and followed the doctor through the main part of the ER. He led me through two double doors, the sign reading " NO UNAUTHORIZED PERSONEL BEYOND THIS POINT " held above it. I shivered, it was very cold in the hallway. We passed several nurses stations and entered a small room.

The room was very plain, not very much to it. I looked inside and saw A.J laying propped up on the gurney-like bed. He appeared to be sleeping. His right hand was held in a brace, but other than that, he appeared to be normal.

He began to shift in his sleep, a distranged look on his face. His eyes opened and I found myself staring into the same pair of dark brown eyes that I used to stare into so many years ago.

Chapter 35:

I found myself choking up as I stared at him. His eyes seemed glazed over with confusion. His sensual lips curved into a small smile. I found my heart beating faster as he continued to stare at me.

"Lauren?" I heard him call out in question. I knew the doctors had given him sedatives to calm his nerves and to calm the pain.

"Hey...." I smiled, suddenly I felt so shy. God, I hated that he had that affect on me. It made me angry, but then it made me tingle inside...

"Where's Stazzie?" He asked.

I felt jealousy stab at my heart. I was in there and he wanted Nastasia. But I silently scolded myself, she was his best friend, and after all I was just his ex-girlfriend...

"She's...." I was about to answer but then I heard a knock on the door. I saw Nastasia walk in slowly, her figure hidden under AJ's baggy clothing. Then Chase came in with Howie holding his hand. I cursed my luck, I just wanted to be alone with him.

"Stazzie?" AJ smiled.

"JJ!" Nastasia whimpered as she rushed to his side. She wrapped her slender arms around his neck and held him in a tight embrace. He welcomed her arms but encircling his good arm around her.

I felt the jealousy rear it's ugly head again.

"God, I'm so glad you're all right..." I heard Nastasia laugh, I saw the unshed tears glistening in her eyes. She was still strong as she held AJ tightly. I was impressed.

"I'm so sorry....I never....I'm...." I heard AJ mutter into Nastasia's silky hair. Chase, Howie, and I watched silently at this moment. AJ and Nastasia had a certain stage presence about them, when they were together, it was unbelievable.

"It's ok...I...JJ..." Nastasia whispered back, I only caught half of their talk, which upset me. I wanted to know what they were talking about.

"Daddy?" Chase asked suddenly, as he noticed who was lying in the bed. I watched as Chase ran and scrambled into AJ's awaiting arm. He hugged his father tightly as AJ kissed his cheeks.

"Hey Chaser. What's up?" AJ asked, I could tell he was very sleepy from the sedatives. But I watched none the less as Nastasia moved away.

"Why daddy here?"

"Daddy had a boo-boo, but Daddy got it fixed." AJ said, giving Chase a grin. Chase laughed at his father, I tried my best not to laugh back at them. I suddenly wished we were a real family.

"Daddy come home dow?"

"I don't know..." AJ hesitated as he looked to Nastasia for guidence. She went over and sat on AJ's right side, he rested his bad arm in her lap as she looked at both of them. Jealousy again surged.

"Daddy can come home in about two hours. The doctors want to make sure your Daddy is all boo-boo free. Then your Daddy is going to my house for a little bit." Nastasia answered, giving AJ a sheepish smile. Like a secret joke they were both sharing.

"Why daddy do there to Aunt Staz's housd?" Chase asked, "Why not mommy and me's housd?"

"Ahhhh....Cause your mommy is going to spend the night at my house too. And so is Howie..." Nastasia hesitated as she glanced back at me...

"Mommy and me spend dight?" Chase asked excitedly as he stared back at me questiongly. I found my heart beating faster as everyone fixed their attention on me.

"Chase...I...we..." I couldn't manage to spit the words out. It angered me so much as AJ stared at me and gave me a smile.

"I want your mommy to go to Stazzie's house too...." AJ laughed, "Will you Lauren?"

"O-Okay..." I laughed, what else could I say? I mean, we weren't a family yet...but it was a start...Right?

Chapter 36:

For the first time ever I felt like a stranger in Nastasia's house. AJ and Howie seemed to be right at home, and Chase was upstairs in "his" room playing. I also found it suprising that Brian, Nick, and Kevin had stopped over for a little bit. I guess I forgot how tight Nastasia was with all of them.

"JJ, you want a soda while I get you some ice?" Nastasia cooed as she leaned over the couch to give AJ a hug. He smiled at her, she had been buzzing around him forever! There was a pillow under his braced arm, a pillow behind his head, and then there was the constant fussing over him that drove me nuts.

I had to admit, I was seriously jealous of how much AJ was paying attention to Nastasia. I hated the fact that she was so close to him, I wanted to die. I wanted to be the one who was fussing over him. I wanted to be the one with the arms around him. I wanted him!

"Dude, ice tea would be sweet." AJ laughed as Nastasia was pulled away by Howie. He slipped his arms around her waist and kissed her, long and passionant. I even felt a blush creep through my own cheeks!

"She'll be back with the stuff in a minute J. Just a minute...." Howie laughed as he pulled Nastasia into the kitchen.

"WAIT! LAUREN! JJ'S PILLS ARE UP IN THE PRIVATE BATHROOM IN MY ROOM! CAN YOU GRAB THEM? PLEASE?!" I heard Nastasia beg from out in the kitchen. I saw AJ lay his head back on the pillow and close his eyes. I frowned, my anger burning.

"FINE!" I yelled, leaving AJ to himself. Even though I was dying to talk with him.

*******

As I toppled back down the steps I found my jealousy raging again. Before I could sit by AJ on the couch I saw Nastasia running into the room, being chased by Howie. She had the ice in her hands and jumped onto the couch beside AJ. He looked up and laughed at the two as Howie ran in and jumped on the couch beside her.

"What the Hell is up with you two?!" I heard AJ laugh, he seemed a bit more cheery than he was in the hospital. I gave Nastasia credit, even though I was still angry.

"Hey! I was totally innocent!" Nastasia laughed as she handed over the ice to AJ. He accepted the freezing substance and applied it willingly to his aching arm.

"She had the damn ice, and guess where it went?" Howie moaned.

"Shirt?" AJ asked.

"No...." Nastasia laughed as I sat down on the rocking chair in her living room. She didn't even notice me, the attention of the guys was too much for her to handle.

"Where?!" AJ burst, wanting to know the answer right away.

"My pants..." Howie moaned, Nastasia and AJ started to crack up laughing on each other. Nastasia was so cute when she laughed, frankly, I didn't think it was funny.

"WHY?!" AJ laughed as Nastasia tried to regain her composure.

"He was getting hot and heavy!" Nastasia laughed.

"SHHHH!" Howie hissed as he placed his hand over her perfect mouth. She continued to laugh as he pulled her closer to him, "Those are our secrets!"

"Here's your pills." I finally managed to say as I thrust them at AJ. He stared at me shocked, like he just noticed I was there. That made me more fustrated with Nastasia.

"Uh...Thanks...Stazzie, you didn't get my water." AJ moaned playfully at her as she smacked her head playfully.

"Don't move anywhere, you know I wouldn't be that jerky. I'll run and grab it, but I'll never leave your side after that." Nastasia cooed at him as she kissed his cheek and ran out to the kitchen.

"Like it's a good thing?" I muttered irritatedly, not even realizing the hateful words that spewed from my mouth. I saw Howie gaze over at me with shock as Nastasia returned.

"Here..." Nastasia replied as she handed the cup to AJ. She looked to me, I knew she could see the anger in my eyes, and the hate in my heart. I saw her wince, I bet she even knew that the hate was for her.

I didn't care.

"Stazzie..." I heard Howie call seductivly, she looked at him as Chase ran down the steps, jumping onto his father's lap. I watched Howie suspisiously as he whispered a few sensual words into Nastasia's ear. I saw the smile creep across her lips.

"JJ, you'll be okay with your kid right? I'm kinda tired...we're going to bed." Nastasia laughed as she kissed Chase's cheek real quickly and then AJ's.

"SUUUUURE. I know what you're gonna do!" AJ joked as Nastasia slapped his right shoulder playfully. He laughed as Nastasia swirled around and wrapped her arms around Howie, retreating up the steps to have their fun. And without saying a word to me.

Chapter 37:

Finally I was basically alone with A.J. I sat there in silence as I watched Chase sit on his father's lap, the happiest smile that I had ever seen from him retreated on his face. A.J too was smiling warmly at his son.

" Daddy got no more boo boos? " Chase asked as he looked up into A.J's eyes.

" Nope Chasers, no more boo boos, " A.J replied with a laugh, ruffling up Chase's hair with his left hand. Chase just giggled.

I found myself at ease without Nastasia around. She would make me fight for AJ's attention. And now I really didn't have to. God it made me feel more at ease with myself. I even found myself smiling happily. "Why Daddy get boo-boo?" Chase asked for a moment as he gazed at the brace holding AJ's badly hurt hand. I found myself wondering if he did that when I left him.

" Daddy had an accident, " A.J answered, non too willingly. Chase looked at A.J questioningly.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't get myself to say anything. All I could do was sit there and watch.

"Addident?" Chase asked him questiongly, I could see Chase wasn't understanding what AJ had said. AJ had a look of regret in his eyes, they became misty as he stared back at his child. Our child.

" Yeah... " A.J barely choked out as a tear slipped from his eye. I could tell he was now regretting what he had done. I could see in his eyes that he wished he could go back in time and change what he had tried to do.

" Daddy, NO cry! " Chase said stubbornly.

"Sorry Chaser....Your mom made me!" AJ stated, trying to turn this whole thing into one big joke. Which upset me more than anything. He almost took his life and he's joking like that? I wanted to scream at him.

"Chase, why don't you go watch a movie in the game room of Aunt Stazzie's?" I asked, hoping that Chase would go to sleep. Nastasia always had tons of blankets in that room.

"God yes, I don't think you want him upstairs." AJ laughed, trying to push the ugly thoughts from his mind.

"Daddy no cry no dore?" Chase asked.

" No, Daddy won't cry no more. "

" Pomise? "

" Yeah, I promise Chasers. "

I stood up from the chair and got Chase from A.J's lap. " You want to go watch Pokemon? Auntie Staz told me she bought you some new Pokemon movies! "

I watched as Chase's eyes lit up. " Yeah! Yeah! " Not saying a word to A.J, I turned around and headed towards the game room to set a movie up for Chase. I placed him down on the big fluffy couch that was in there and cuddled him up with some blankets.

"Wherd mommy going?" Chase asked as I dimmed the lights a bit and started to walk out of the room. I paused and turned back to my son. "Mommy's going to talk with Daddy. Ok?"

"Come back wid daddy?"

"Sure sweetheart."

I smiled and made my way back into the living-room, walking back over to the rocking chair I had been sitting in before. A.J made eye contact with me as soon I entered the room, but didn't say anything.

"Do I have a big zit or something?" I asked impatiently, tired of the stares he was giving me. He would spark up a conversation with Nastasia the second she was in the door, or not even in the door. Why did it have to be different with me?

"Uh....NO....." AJ stuttered, I knew he felt uncomfortable around me, which made me angerier at Nastasia. It hurt me even more to know Nastasia was so tight with him. And I just wanted him back.

" If you didn't know, it's rude to stare, " I snapped, looking away from him. I had no idea why I was acting like this right now, when he wasn't even the one I was angry with. I guess I really didn't know what to say, so this was just the only way I could think of how to get it out.

"Oh, you're real mature there!" AJ fumed back at me. I guess I had hit an irritated spot on him. I didn't know what to say. I just stared back at him, the same fire in my eyes.

" If you wouldn't be so damn rude all the time, I wouldn't act like this! "

"How the heck have I been rude?!" AJ shouted back at me, his voice cracking under the pressure he was in.

" Don't even get me started, " I said quietly. I was in no mood to be getting into an argument, let alone with him.

"Why? You started with me, so you might as well get all of your damn problems out!"

I was about ready to blow. I could feel it and I didn't like it one bit. " Damnit A.J! Why do you always have to be like this?! "

"I'm not like this! I just want to know what the hell's your problem. I mean I saw the way you were looking at Stazzie and I don't understand a damn thing your saying or why you're blowing up at me!" He yelled at me.

My face was red hot now. " You're my damn problem! " I yelled and stormed into the kitchen, feeling the tears coming on.

I collapsed onto Nastasia's kitchen floor. I felt the sobs rattling my insides. I felt horrid, the way I had been so mad at Nastasia, and still was, just everything. Then I heard footsteps.

I looked up and turned my head to find A.J standing in the door way. I quickly looked away. I couldn't bere to look at him.

"Can you just tell me what's wrong? God I hate when women cry." AJ said to me in a quieter tone. I knew that was his way of apologizing to me...

I felt myself soften a bit, yet, I still didn't know what to say to him. What could I say? I was jealous of how close him and Nastasia were? How desperately now I wanted him back? How I've always wanted him back?

"Lauren?" I heard AJ call, waiting for my answer.

" N-nothing, " I said quietly, still facing my back towards him.

"Can you talk to me? "

" What's there to talk about? "

" Why you're so angery? "

" I-I...just forget about it, " I said, trying to dismiss the whole subject.

"Uh...Hell no." He replied casually to me, causing me to break a smile. Even though I hated it, he always did that.

" It's stupid... "

"Um...not in my mind. Trust me, it's better to say things straight out....although it didn't have a good affect with me...." AJ said with a sad sigh, I knew he wanted me to spill it, and I knew I should. But did I really want to?

I stood up shakily and turned around to face him, looking into those sexy brown eyes of his, the ones that always made me melt. The ones that were making me melt right now as my own watered with tears.

"Am I getting an answer?" He asked once more.

" Not once since that awful night have I ever stopped loving you, Alex. And having to suffer through all these years realizing that I still loved you, even more then ever, and knowing that I can't have you because of a stupid mistake and misunderstanding. Do you even realize what it's been like for me?! " My voice broke between my sobs as I poured out all my feelings about him that I had kept bottled up inside me.

AJ stood there, stunned. I knew he was digesting all the feelings that had poured from my quivering lips. His eyes softened a bit as he looked at me. I paused for a moment. Wondering what he might possibly say.

"Jezz....Laur....I...I....What d-d-did happen that n-night?" AJ stuttered....Did he deserve an explination of that night? The night I had suffered along with him. The night I had been thrown out. Did I owe it to both of us?

Chapter 38:

*** Flashback ***

We had just reached my house, Devon and I. I had gone out to dinner with him, just as friends, nothing more. He had always been a good friend of mine and was in town for a visit.

" So when do you have to head back to New York? " I asked as I unlocked the door and the two of us walked in.

" My flight leaves tomorrow at 12:00, " he answered, running a hand through his hair. He green eyes were sparkling, even in the dim light.

I smiled and made my way upstairs to my room to put the overshirt I had been wearing away. I heard foot steps behind and jumped when realizing Devon had followed me into my room. " Damnit Devon, you scared me, " I laughed as I playfully hit his shoulder and sat down on the bed. I began to feel akward and uncomfortable as he sat down next to me. I tried not to think of it.

" I enjoyed having you out to dinner tonight with me, " he said quietly into my ear as he began to mesage my shoulders.

" It's no problem. I had fun... "

I layed down on my stomach while he layed on his side and continued to rub my shoulders. I knew I shouldn't be allowing him to do that, it made me feel so uncomfortable, but at the same time, it felt so relieving.

*****

A.J jumped out of his car, carrying a dozen red roses in his hand as he walked up to Lauren's front door. They had gotten in a nasty argument the day before, and he felt truely horrible about it, so he wanted to make it up to her. He noticed some lights on in the house and walked in.

Peeking his head into the living-room, he didn't see her and began to make his way upstairs, figuring she must be in her bedroom.

His eyes turned a firey black as he walked into the room and the roses fell to the ground. " What the fuck?! " he shouted with pure anger.

I jumped up from the bed in complete surprise. ' Oh shit... ' I thought to myself. This was not good. Just what it looked like was not good.
" Alex... "

" What the fuck is going on Lauren?! " He yelled at me, making me wince, his words cold and his eyes black.

" Wait Alex, this isn't - "

" Forget it! " He stormed out of the room, down the stairs and out the door.

My whole body was shaking now. I couldn't believe what had just happened. How could I have let that happen?

" Lauren, I - " Devon began, but I turned towards him, my face filled with hate.

" Get the hell out of my house, Devon. Just get the hell out, " I said through my tears as I stared back at the roses that lay on my grey colored carpet. I had really screwed up.

*****

I ran out to my car and drove over to A.J's house. Why did this have to happen? I should have made Devon stop when he began, I scolded myself. How could I have been so stupid? All I could do was hope that I could get through to A.J, tell him the truth.

" What the hell do you want Lauren? " he asked angrily, through gritted teeth as I walked through the house and found him pacing his living-room angrily.

" You gotta let me explain. It's not at all what you think, Alex. "

" Don't fucking tell me what is, because I saw what I saw. Don't try to cover up your fucking mistake! "

He wasn't even giving me a chance to explain. Why couldn't he just stop and let me explain.

"Alex you're being stupid yet again!" I yelled loudly as he slammed his fist into a wall. Why were we fighting again. This was the thousandth argument of this week. All we ever did was fight.

"I'm not being stupid! Why were you out with HIM?" AJ snarled at me. I felt my body shutter as I backed up. He was seriously scaring me, I had never seen him so upset with me. I mean I knew he would never touch me out of anger, he never had hit me before...

"We went out to eat!" I found myself yelling back at him, God couldn't he just loosen up a bit. He was over protective about me. And God could it be annoying!

"And what about after dinner?" He asked, raising his voice at me, shaking with a violent anger.

"We went to my place..." I stuttered, not sure on how to answer the question. We hadn't done anything, just talked. Then AJ came in and found us lying together, not too good if you ask me. But we still hadn't done anything. And I ended up having to tail AJ all the way to his house...

"Get out..." He snarled once more, his sexy dark eyes spitting with a dark anger. I knew he was serious this time. I could tell, this was it.

"Alex...wait..." I whimpered, my body shivering. It was suddenly so cold, chilling my body.

"No...out...now!" AJ yelled, pushing me out the door with a final slam. The end of our relationship.

Chapter 39:

AJ and I had made our way back to the couch as we explored that ill-fated night. We both were tumbling in and out of dark thoughts, my heart began to beat faster and faster as I stared into those eyes, the ones that made me crazy.

"Devon...he..." AJ paused, I had already recalled that side of the story. I thought about it long and hard those past years. The funny thing was I never really spoke to Devon again...

"I never...I just wanted you. I never touched him. I felt so uncomfortable with him that night. And it seemed like we had been fighting that whole week. I just couldn't take it any more, so I never stopped him...even though I should have." I found myself explaining as AJ rested his bad arm on the pillow Nastasia had fluffed for him.

"What was that fight about anyway?" AJ asked me, recalling the time we had broken up, and left it that way. Instead of fixing it, damn, we should of fixed it.

"That was the one about meeting your mom and what I had chosen to wear. You didn't appreciate that too much..." I said, laughing at the stupid argument we had.

"My mom always said you were the best girl I had...and I guess she still says that. Expessially when Stazzie talks with her..." AJ smirked.

"Mother's know best..." I answered, finding myself laughing along with him. We were actually being civilized at the moment. Which delighted me more than I could ever show.

"She does have to meet Chase..."

"Yes. But is that what we were actually talking about?"

"No..."

"All right then."

"Sorry. But I got side-tracked. This is too much to handle you know...too much..." AJ whispered as he stared into those sapphire eyes of mine, the ones that drove the boys wild. Nastasia said so.

"Too much?" I asked, feeling a little air-headed. I wanted him to explain to me, the things I needed to hear. The things he needed to say to make me feel better. God, I just wanted him.

"Yes, cause I feel like a fool." AJ moaned.

"Why?"

"Because I made a mistake about letting you leave. And I made the mistake of kicking you out, I should of listened. And if I would of listened to you I would of spared us the heartache...And Chase's heartache too..." He answered, his sexy brown eyes dimming with saddness again. He was so serious about these things, I found myself thinking about just reaching over and kissing him.

"There could still be an us AJ...I still love you..." I found myself choking out. I felt the tears trickling down my face as AJ gave me a sincere smile.

"Right now...we need to think about these things. I need to sort things out in my head... Just give us time, cause I know I'll come back." AJ said sincerly as he placed a loving kiss upon my forehead.

"DADDY C'MERE! PONTA DUST KICKED CHARZARD IN BUTT!!!" Chase yelled loudly. I saw AJ smile softly as he stood up and walked back to the room, going to the aid of his son. And hopefully, within a few days he'd be coming back to me.

Chapter 40:

I slept very well that night. Chase was lying next to his father in Chase's appointed room and I took the room AJ usually stayed in. And I could smell the scent of his fragerance, which warmed my heart all night long. But before I go on and on about those things it was already noon. No one had decided to get up but Chase and I. AJ was sleeping soundly because of his pills. Chase was currently watching some more Pokemon with his Pooh Bear. I was sipping some coffee when I heard footsteps stomp down the stairs. I knew it was Nastasia.

" Mornin' Laurie, " Nastasia greeted with a yawn as she stretched and appeared in the living-room.

" Morning sleeping beauty. Have FUN last night? " I asked sarcastically with a grin. Nastasia shot me a glare.

" Not in front of Chase, Laur, " she said, rolling her eyes as she took a seat next to me on the couch.

"He doesn't know what I'm talking about. But I would like to know what brought on those feelings last night...I thought you were waiting..." I smirked, although I silently felt jealous of Nastasia. Even after a rough night of play she still looked fantastic. Her blonde hair twirled into a messy bun as a tank top clung to her chest and a pair of Howie's boxers covering her tan thighs. I did envy her.

" Why so curious? " she laughed. " It's for me to know and you to find out. Anyways, you seem to be in a really good mood. Uh, you feelin' alright? " she joked.

"I'm feeling better than ever." I retorted.
"That's good, you were acting a little strange last night." Nastasia retorted to me. Suddenly I felt a wave of memories hit me, I felt horrid. I mean AJ and I were okay now, but Nastasia and I were in another zone. I felt my heart ache as I thought of the words I had thought about that night.

" Earth to Laurie, you ok? " I heard Nastasia ask as she waved a hand in front of my face.

"Jezz...I'm kinda thinking about some things...." I moaned, we had been kind of on edge with each other, which made me uneasy. I didn't want to fight with her, I loved her so.

"What were you thinking about anyway?" She asked me as she stood up and slinked her way to the kitchen, I followed.

" Nothing important, " I lied, with a smirk.

" Ha ha. Cut the crap, Laurie. What were you thinking about and how come you were acting so...wierd last night? "

"I wasn't acting weird...." I hesitated, why was I afraid of her anyway?

"Damn, you're just like AJ sometimes. I hate it when you lie to me like that." Nastasia replied as she opened her giant fridge door and pulled out some eggs, milk, and other things to make a large breakfast.

I sighed. " You know me too well, " I laughed, but stopped when Nastasia only looked at me seriously. I sighed again. " It's just - " How could I even word it?

" It's just what? " Nastasia asked.

"I...I was thinking some nasty things about you last night. I don't know how to put it in exact words..." I hesitated as Chase appeared in the doorway and asked for some eggs, Nastasia complied and started to crack the eggs in the buttered pan as Chase left.

"Nasty thoughts?" She questioned me, her back faced to me.

" Just forget it, " I started.

" No Lauren. You started, now finish... "

"But...." I cautioned as Nastasia whizzed around with the spatula gripped tightly in her hand. I knew she was fustrated, I was acting like her mother when her father was in a drunken rage, which she hated also.

"Come on! God, have a backbone and please tell me. If you're thinking bad thoughts about me you better let me know...That hurts me ya know, I thought we were closer?"

" Geez Staz, I'm sorry ok? " I hated this so much, being in a damn argument with her. There was no reason for it at all. No reason. " It's just...seeing you with A.J, I just... "

"Seeing me with JJ? Why the hell would that make you on edge?" She questioned, her ocean eyes showing her confusion. God, she was blonde.

I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. That's all that ever seemed to happen whenever A.J was brought up. " Because I'm jealous, ok?! Because I'm jealous of how great of a relationship you have with him! Damnit, Staz... "

"Jealous?! Of me? Why?" She asked, calming herself down. She knew I was starting to cry. And she never liked to see her close friends upset. She placed the eggs on a plate and stood there for a moment, staring at me.

" You wouldn't even understand, so just forget it Staz, " I said turning around and walking away. I just wanted to end the conversation. I truely believed she wouldn't understand. Why would she?

I heard the clatter of a plate as I walked out of the house. I then realized that I just had a nightshirt on, but I didn't care, then I felt a tight grip on the top of my shoulder, pulling me hard.

"Why wouldn't I understand?" Nastasia questioned me again.

" Why would you? " I retorted. Why couldn't we just drop the subject?

"Because I think that's the one thing I might be good at. I try to understand you, and all you do is sit there and give me hell. Try as I might...God..." Nastasia answered.

" All I ever wanted was to have A.J back in my life, to once again recieve the care he used to give me. And to see him with you, how do you think it makes me feel? To see you have such a great relationship with him! " I could feel the tears start to slide down my cheeks but I forcefully brushed them away.

Nastasia stared back at me, speechless. " H-how come you never told me this? If you had such a problem, why didn't you ever tell me? " she asked in a hushed voice.

" What did you expect me to say? ' I don't want you to have a friendship with my ex because it's making me jealous '? Geez, just forget it... " I said hatefully, shaking my head. I walked past her back into the house.

" Mommy! Ponta just kick Charzard in butt 'gain! " Chase said as I entered through the door and made my way upstairs.

Just as I reached the top of the stairs, Howie came staggering out of his bedroom in a pair of boxers and a loose fit t-shirt. I walked right past him. " Hey Lauren, how -...ok... "

*****

" Watcha watchin', Chase? " Howie asked as he took a seat next to Chase on the couch.

" Poke-mon, Owdie! Pi-chu just kick Ponta's butt! " Chase squealed as he stood up on the couch and threw his Pooh Bear in the air.

" Go Pikachu! " Howie sarcastically cheered as he laughed at Chase's enthusiasm. " Where ya at Stazzie? "

" Cooking your breakfast, lazy butt! " Nastasia jokingly called from the kitchen.

" Oh, so now I'm lazy huh? " Howie questioned as he got up and made his way to the kitchen. He went up behind Nastasia and pulled her into his arms, placing a tender kiss on her rose colored lips.

" Yep, that's exactly what you are, " Nastasia laughed as she placed her arms around his neck and stared into his deep brown eyes.

" You care to fill me in on why you think that? " Howie asked with a wry grin.

" Um...nope, " Nastasia said, kissing him teasingly and then turning away from him, to tease him even more.

*****

After changing into the pair of jeans I had been wearing the day before, I decided to head back downstairs. I was feeling horrible as it was, now I felt even worse.

" Morning, " A.J said as he made his way from Chase's room. I could tell he was still half asleep.

" Um, it's 12:30, " I laughed as A.J looked down at his watch. The look on his face made me laugh. He always had a way to make me laugh.

" Right. Afternoon then, " he replied, offering me a genuine smile. The same exact smile that had made me fall in love with him in the first place. I felt myself falling in love all over again.

Chapter 41:

" Afternoon JJ! 'Bout time you get that butt of yours out of bed, " Nastasia laughed as A.J staggered down the stairs and into the living-room, I followed close behind. Almost instantly after he had taken a seat in the recliner chair, Chase ran over to him and hoped on his lap.

" Funny Stazzie, " A.J retorted with a grin. " Hey Chasers... " He placed a kiss on his son's head and ruffled his hair.

" You feelin' better J? Because we have a small rehersal to go to this afternoon, " Howie asked, placing his arm around Nastasia. I fell into a daze as I watched him do that and I felt the jealousy rage in me again. I longed so much to have A.J's arms around me again, to have him hold me again like he used to.

" Me come too? " Chase asked excitedly.

" Of course, if your Mommy's gonna go. You gonna come Laurie? " I heard A.J ask me. I blinked several times, realizing everyone was looking at me.

" Go where? " I asked confusidely.

" To our rehearsal - you don't have to come if you don't want to, but, I'd really like it if you did, " A.J replied truefully as he smiled at me.

" Alright, I guess I'll come... " I managed to say, smiling myself.

*****

" You and your two left feet keep throwing me off, Frack! " Brian joked, as him and Nick practiced a few dance moves while Kevin lounged in one of the chairs. They were still waiting for everyone to arrive.

" Do you think it's maybe because you just don't know the moves, Frick? " Nick retorted.

" Me not know the moves? Ha! You're funny man, " Brian laughed sarcastically.

" So it's true huh? "

" No, cause I know the moves better then you. You just don't want to admit it, you can't dance Frack! "

" Quit talking about yourself Bri, " Nick joked. " Yo, what's that up there? " he asked seriously, pointing up towards the ceiling.

" What's what? " Brian asked looking upward.

" Nothin' syke! " Nick yelled and tackled Brian to the ground. The two began to wrestle around on the ground.

" Get off me man! " Brian said.

" Not until you admit I'm a better dancer then you! " Nick demanded with a grin.

" Never! " Brian pushed Nick to the side of him and tried to move away, but Nick quickly recovered and the two went back to wrestling, Kevin looking at them with a look of annoyance on his face. He shook his head and took a drink from his water bottle.

" The Bone man is in da house! " A.J sang out as we all walked through the doors. I couldn't help but laugh at the sense of humor he had. As soon as I did, he turned around and gave me a grin. " You laughing at me? "

" Uh...no, it was uh...Stazzie! " I quickly said.

A.J gave me a wierd look and motioned to the two people behind me, which happened to be Nastasia and Howie. The two were engaged in a long kiss. " I don't think she had time to laugh... " he said with a smirk.

" Look who finally decides to show up! " Kevin called from up on stage. " The whole motley crew! " he added in a sarcastic tone with a smile.

" It's great to see you too Kevin, " A.J retorted as he climbed onto the stage and hoisted Chase up there from my arms. " What's with tweedle Dumb and tweedle Dumber? "

" Ignore them, " Kevin laughed. " Hey there Chase. "

" Hey Big Bow! " Chase squealed, running up to Kevin.

" Big Brow huh? " A.J laughed. Kevin just shrugged his shoulders.

I stood there silently, feeling uncomfortable. I felt out of place there, I didn't know why. Looking back over my shoulder, I noticed Howie and Nastasia still engaged in their kiss. " Break it up you two! " I yelled with a laugh, breaking my silent mood.

Brian pulled himself away from his and Nick's wrestling match and stood up, his face all red. " Lauren?! "

I felt the smile creep across my face. It was always great to see Brian and he could always brighten my day and put a smile on my face. " Hey Bri Bear! " I replied, making my way up onto the stage and was met by a big brotherly hug.

" D didn't tell me you were coming. "

" No one ever does. I'm just not loved, " I pouted jokingly.

" That ain't true. I love you! " Brian said.

" So do I! " Nick chimed in, running up to me.

" Back off Frack, she's mine! " Brian said, putting his arm around me protectively.

" AHEM! " A.J cleared his throat loudly. I looked at him questioningly.

" B-wok! B-wok! " Chase yelled running up to Brian and tackling him.

Brian fell to the ground. " Dang J, you got a strong 3 year old! " he laughed tickling Chase, making him burst out in giggles. A.J grinned proudly.

" I'm almost dis many! " Chase stated, holding up four of his tiny fingers.

" Enough of the chit chat, because we're already running behind schedule. Fatima's gonna have a fit if we ain't workin' when she gets back, so let's get to rehearsin', " Kevin said in a stern tone.

A round of sarcastic groans filtered throughout the place.

" Remember what the Doc said JJ. Don't over work yourself. If you get dizzy, take a break, " Nastasia said as they all got in their places.

" Yes Mother, " A.J retorted sarcastically and grinned as Nastasia stuck her tounge out at him. I felt myself want to rage with jealously, but I silently calmed myself, knowing that it would only result in another fight, and that was far from anything I wanted at the moment.

Chapter 42:

I managed to wrestle Chase into one of the auditorium chairs. It had been awhile since I had seen their preformances. They had new songs now, which meant new dance moves. Although I had seen Nastasia dancing around her house, but this was different.

"What do we wanna start off with?" I heard Nastasia call as each person jumped onto the stage. I saw her flick her long blonde hair over her shoulder and fix her sports type bra. Her slender figure and curves looking unbelievale in the dancing pants. I felt jealousy rage it's ugly head again.

"Something slow so the old man over there don't pass out." Kevin snickered as AJ glared back at him.

"If my right hand didn't hurt..." He growled.

"JJ! Calm down!" Nastasia laughed as she ran over and hugged him tightly. I knew she could feel my eyes burning in the back of her neck, because she released him from a short hug. Leaving him confused, and leaving me a bit happier.

"Why so short?" He asked her.

"Uh...we have to get back to dancing. We'll go with Don't Want You Back...then flip it to It's Gotta Be You." Nastasia lied as she averted her eyes and walked back to her place with Nick.

I could see the confusion in AJ's eyes. He always knew when Nastasia was lying. And this was one of those times. I felt myself grow a little sick from the ugly thoughts flooding through my head about Nastasia.

"Let's roll. Before D and Staz jump into another liplock." Nick smiled as Nastasia looked at him shocked.

"Wait! Hold up! Since when did YOU have the right to talk about me like that?" Nastasia asked as she stared up defiently at Nick. He laughed, he was still taller than her. Howie held in a laugh.

"Since I was Howie's friend?" Nick asked.

"HELL NO!" Nastasia laughed as she swatted at Nick playfully. Nick recountered by grabbing ahold of Nastasia's arms and holding her back playfully. Chase watched them and became defensive of his Aunt. I watched as Chase flew onto the stage and was prepared to hit Nick!

Fortunantly, AJ grabbed Chase quickly before his little legs could reach Nick's shins. He let go of Nastasia in surprise as she fell to the floor, making the other dancers laugh.

"Chaser, you have to stay down with mommy." AJ laughed as he brought his son back down to where I sat. I saw Chase look up with fire in his brown eyes.

"Daddy, Nick gonna hurd Aunt Stazzie! Me want Aunt Stazzie dood." Chase said looking up as AJ resisted the urge to laugh as Nastasia ran down the stage.

"I'm alright Chazzie. I didn't get hurt by Nick. I coulda beat him up." Nastasia smiled as Chase laid a kiss on her cheek.

"SHE WISHES!" Nick yelled, Nastasia glared back at him. I saw Nick clam up as Howie laughed at his girlfriend.

"Aunt Stazzie otay?" Chase asked.

"Perfect."

"Dood."

"Yup, now Daddy and I have to go dance. C'mon JJ. Remember no passing out on me..." Nastasia laughed as she went to reach for AJ's free hand. But she stopped and glanced back at my hateful eyes. She bowed her head and ran up on stage, without AJ. Which brought me my satisfaction, although it might of hurt Nastasia more than I would ever know.

Chapter 43:

" Get on track! Brian and Nick, pay attention, especially you Nick, cause it's harder when you have two left feet! " Kevin ordered as they stopped for what seemed like the hundreth time.

I watched as A.J took in a few deep breaths, already looking extremely exhausted. I held in the urge to ask him if he was alright, deciding just to keep my mouth shut.

" Ok let's start again, " Kevin once again ordered as someone started up the music again.

" You ok JJ? " I heard Nastasia call out through the music. I fixed my attention on A.J and realized he wasn't as on track as the others were. He only nodded in response and picked up his pace, trying to keep up, but that only proved to be a mistake.

" Shit! J! " Howie yelled. I looked at A.J just as he collapsed to the ground and the music abruptly stopped. My heart skipped a beat and I jumped up from my seat without second thought. I rushed onto the stage and over to where everyone was huddled around A.J.

" A.J? A.J, wake up sweetie, " I coaxed, gently shaking his shoulder.

" Daddy no wake up! Why no Daddy wake up?! " Chase cried, already in hysterics.

" C'mon A.J, " I whispered, still shaking his shoulder.

His eyes slowly fluttered open and he looked up at everyone dazed and confused. " W-what happened? " he asked quietly bringing his free hand up to his sweaty forehead.

" You passed out JJ, " Nastasia said worridly, reaching out her hand to help him into the sitting position. This time I didn't glare at her, I just watched, I knew how worried she was for him.

A.J greatfully took hold of Nastasia's hand and sat up, then made his way into the standing position, stumbling at first. " Thanks Stazzie... "

" No problem. I think we should all take a break, " Nastasia said looking around at everyone and seeing them all shake their heads in agreement. " Especially you, JJ. "

" No, I'm fine now. Let's continue... " A.J said wearily, not sure of his own words.

" No A.J, Staz is right. You need to take a break, " I said caringly, the expression on my face letting him know I was truely worried about him.

" Fine, I guess... " A.J replied and looked over to see Chase still crying and trying to be comforted by Brian. " Awww Chasers, it's ok buddy. I'm ok... " He took his son into his arms for a loving hug.

" Ok guys, we need to start talking about our final plans for
touring, " Kevin stated as they pulled chairs out onto the stage.

" When do we head off? " Nick asked, dabbing at the back of his neck with a towel.

" In a week, " Kevin replied. " That's why we really need to buckle down and get the dance routines right. "

" What?! We're leaving in a week? " A.J asked, his eyes widening.

" Yeah, why you actin' so surprised? " Kevin asked with a laugh.

" Oh...uh...no reason, " A.J said quietly, a dissappointed look on his face.

"Sure, no reason at all." Nick snickered as we all sat on the floor. Chase climbed into Nastasia's lap, which surprised me a bit. But he did love her, so I guess it shouldn't of surprised me too much.

"Fine. I just wanted to spend more time with Chasers. Okay?" AJ replied, a bit irritated with Nick's tone. I watched a look of confusion flood Chase's face.

"Whered daddy goin'?" He asked, his big brown eyes staring questioningly at Nastasia. She looked to AJ for help, but he had his eyes closed.

"Daddy and Aunt Stazzie are leaving for awhile Chazzie." Nastasia started off carefully. Chase looked up at her again, I knew it would get pretty ugly. But I silently loved putting Nastasia in that spot. Although I hated to think of it.

"Whered?"

"Europe...Spain...UH...South America...the US...Canada..."

"How long?"

"About four to five months...maybe longer...I'm not sure Chazzie..."

"Owdie go too?" Chase asked as tears began to fill his dark eyes. I saw Nastasia wince in pain.

"We're all going..."

"WHY?!" Chase began to wail, "Me no like daddy and Aunt Stazzie and Owdie to leave!!!"

"Chazzie!!!" Nastasia whimpered, she hated when children cried. I looked at her smugly as AJ crouched around the two and placed his arms around them. Then my jealousy raged.

"How 'bout Chazzie and your mommy come too? Would you like that? Flying in a big airplane, eating junk food? Partying with Daddy and Auntie Stazzie?" AJ asked suddenly. Everyone saw my eyes bug out as I stared at the two. Nastasia gave a weak attempt at a grin.

"We GO?" Chase asked as he hugged his father tight.

"Ask your mommy." AJ grinned.

"MOMMY MOMMY!!! PLEASD!!!! CAN WE GOED?" Chase asked running to me with a big smile on his face, his brown eyes twinkling like two big jems.

How could I say no?

Chapter 44:

I found myself at Nastasia's house for the next week. We were hussling around and getting ready for our long trip. I was going for a vacation, and a possible reconciliation with AJ. Nastasia was going to work.

We had avoided our fight for that whole week. I knew Nastasia was denying the fact that we had a fight to begin with. But it was starting to reflect on her actions towards AJ, which made me a bit weary. I thought AJ might bring it up sooner or later. I hoped later.

"Chase Alexander! Where is Pooh Bear?! You know we're leaving in half an hour?!" I heard Nastasia call from upstairs in Chase's "bedroom" at her house. All the guys were there lounging about while Nastasia packed.

"Pooh Bear in my arms!" Chase called up the stairs as Nastasia groaned loudly. I heard her running down the steps with his little suitcase packed full of toys. She said he needed them for the road.

"You're such a brat...Like your dad!" Nastasia groaned as she stared back at Chase, who gave her a little whimper. He looked at Pooh Bear, then back to his Aunt.

"Pooh was loned by himself...He want Aunt Stazzie, but Aunt Stazzie say no...So me pickd him up so hed get kiss by Aunt Stazzie." Chase whimpered as he held the little bear up as Nastasia picked him up and planted a kiss on both his and the bear's nose.

"You're just like your dad..." She laughed as Chase wiggled down and jumped into Howie's arms. He had gotten very close to Howie since he had spent so much time with Nastasia. Sometimes I got worried about them.

"Come here and sit with me if he's so like me and give me a kiss." AJ called playfully as he flirted a bit with Nastasia.

I felt the jealousy rage again as she made her way over. She was about halfway there when she stopped, pivoted, looked at me glaring at her, then laid on the carpet. Surprising AJ. "Stazzie?"

"When we leaving?" She asked, avoiding his question. AJ stood up and moved to grab a drink. I could see the hurt in his eyes, which made me sick.

"Right now I suppose." Howie answered as he gave an odd look to me. I knew that he knew what was going on with Nastasia. That made me sick also.

"Alright..." Nastasia sighed as she sat up and glanced at AJ coming out of the kitchen. He gave her a weak attempt at a smile, she gave him a shy smile back.

"Can I have a hug before we go?" He asked as Chase ran beside AJ and Nastasia.

"Hug Daddy!" He ordered his Aunt. I turned away to go outside, I jumped in the car, knowing what would happen.

"Fine." Nastasia laughed wryly as she placed her arms around AJ and hugged him tightly. He hugged back.

"Thanks Stazzie. I needed it. I don't know why you're acting so funny, but I'll get my friend back...sometime...I hope..." He whispered.

"No problem...I suppose." She shrugged as she walked away with another frown upon her face. She felt horrible as she looped her arm with Howie's. Somehow, she wished that Lauren would get better. That way she could have her best friend back.

Chapter 45:

I sat in the tourbus, a book laying in my lap. I noticed that AJ was playing with Chase on the floor. Nastasia and Howie were in the back, playing seven mintues in heaven, even though it had gone on longer.

I saw the lifelessness in AJ's eyes and softened as he stood up. Nastasia had come out to grab a drink, but never once looked at AJ. I saw his eyes dim in anger and sadness as he stomped off to the back of the bus. I knew I was in trouble.

" You busy D? " A.J asked entering the back part of the bus.

" Not at the minute, but - "

" Good, cause I need to talk to you, " A.J said, cutting him off in mid-sentence.

" Ok, what about bro? "

" It's about Lauren... "

Howie looked surprised. " Um, what about her J? "

" Well, you've noticed how all of a sudden Stazzie's giving me the cold shoulder, right? "

" Yeah... "

" I think it has something to do with Lauren...Has Stazzie told you anything? " Howie didn't answer. " Yo D? "

" I-I don't know...J... "

A.J sighed in deep frustration, being able to tell that his friend was lying to him as if to keep whatever he knew a secret. " Damnit D, I know you know something, so tell me. I want to know what's goin' on! "

Howie sighed. " Fine, I guess you ought to know if you're that
curious. "

" Damn straight, now tell me... "

" I was talkin' to Staz last night and she brought up the fact that her and Laur had been fighting all week. She's pretty stressed about
it... "

" What's that have do with the fact of her giving me the cold
shoulder? "

" You're the reason they're fighting... "

That statement caught him offguard and he was suprised by what Howie said. " Me?! What? Why? "

" I don't exactly know. All she said was that her and Laur got in an argument about her being so close to you and Lauren saying something that she was jealous. I don't know, but Staz just doesn't want to start anything so that's why she's been acting cold around you. "

A.J could feel the anger boiling inside him. How could Lauren act like that? Her and Staz were supposed to be best friends and that's how she was treating her? Because she was jealous? That just made him even more angery. " Thanks D, I appreciate it... "

" Um, no problem J... " Howie answered as Nastasia entered into the back.

A.J began making his way back up towards the front where the kitchen/lounging area was, where Lauren had last been. He needed to have a talk with her, he knew he needed to set things straight.

I looked up from the book I was reading, feeling a presence about me, and met eyes with A.J. His face was red with anger and I knew he was mad, worse yet, I knew he was mad at me.

" Sometimes I don't even understand you... " he began in a creepy, low voice.

" What are you talking about? " I asked, feeling my blood run cold. I didn't like the evil glare he was giving me one bit.

" You giving Staz crap is what I'm talking about! "

" E-excuse me? "

" Because of you, she won't talk to me, let alone come near me without having to worry about you. What the hell are you trying to do? Ruin our friendship? "

I could feel my face turn red with heat as A.J's words processed in my brain. " A.J, I - "

" No! Just back off and stop being so frickin' selfish! " With that, he stormed off towards the bunk area. As his last harsh words rung in my ears, the salty hot tears began to spill down my flushed cheeks. All I could do was sit there and cry.

Chapter 46:

We had taken about a four hour journey to Tampa Bay, Florida. That's the first place they would kick off their tour. Then they'd hit a few more places in the US, go down to Mexico, hit South America, then go to Europe.

The hotel rooms took my breath away. Every dancer got to choose whether or not they wanted to bunk up. Howie had already decided to take Nastasia into his own room. And AJ's room was right next to their's. I got the room right across from Howie's and AJ's rooms. Chase would bunk with me I guessed.

I had spent most of the time in my room. I hadn't seen AJ or Nastasia since the fight on the bus. I felt horrid as I toiled over the cruel words that had been spit out at me. I couldn't deny them though, which made that the worst of all.

"Mommy! Daddy wants to dake me with Owdie for icedream! Then he said he'd take me and Owdie to areda. Plead?!" Chase asked me as he ran into our hotel room. I sat up and rubbed my eyes, I had been crying and sleeping.

"What Chase?" I asked, not clear on what my son was actually asking me.

"Can I do?"

"Go where?"

"Wid daddy and Owdie!" Chase answered me, the urgency in his voice woke me up a bit as I stared at our door. There was AJ, he still looked very upset at me. I knew he was. Which made me even more edgier.

"I don't know Chase..." I stated hesitantly as AJ glared at me.

"Aunt Stazzie and Daddy be therd!" Chase answered.

"I know, but I'm not sure I want you there without me."

"After ruining my relationship with Stazzie you decide to ruin my relationship with Chase too?" He asked me, regret stabbed at my heart. I retreated, making no move to yell back. What could I do? I had seriously damaged his relationship with Nastasia hadn't I?

"It's not like that AJ!"

"Sure it isn't..." He answered, rolling his sexy eyes at me.

"It isn't!"

"Then explain it to me." He growled back, I could see the fire in his eyes. I found myself stumped, how could I answer such a question?

I remained silent.

"I'm taking Chase. He'll be with me till after the show. You can come if you want, but I doubt you will." He answered me with a curt tone. He bent down and picked Chase up with his good arm and slammed the door. Sending me into another fit of tears.

************

Nastasia found herself alone at the arena. Her heart ached as she sat with her legs dangling off the stage. She stared at the empty seats, they were so much like her heart at the moment. Nothing but loneliness and sorrow.

Lauren was upset with her for spending too much time with AJ. But he was her "brother", Nastasia couldn't understand what was wrong with the way she hung out with AJ. It just made her more depressed as she laid on the floor. No one would be around for another few hours.

She needed time to think. To think about AJ and her relationship, how things had gotten complicated and twisted. She felt like screaming out with rage, but that would be too much like her father. Just too much.

She felt like she had been lying around for hours as she stared up at the ceiling. Feeling lazy, Nastasia let out a loud sigh as she decided she would start to do what she had actually came here to do in the first place.

With dancer grace she jumped up and grabbed her head phones and her cd player for when she jogged. She had recored a bunch of the songs she had to learn her performance to. She switched on her headset to, "That's the Way I Like It" and took her spot.

*************

AJ and Howie held each of Chase's arms as they walked into the arena. AJ was silently hoping that Nastasia would be here. He knew her too well, whenever she was upset she would dance. Why wouldn't she be here?

"Aunt Stazzie be hered Daddy?" Chase asked as they made their way to the center stage. AJ was about to speak to his son when they stopped, admiring the angel onstage.

Nastasia had already begun her dancing. She looked fantasic in her loose faded baggy jeans and a white tight tanktop. She spun her hair into a long ponytail which gleamed under the light.

Her movements were timed at the right second and each movement flowed with a certain energy that no one could ever teach a dancer. She moved her hips and body in such a way that it was too alluring. AJ found himself gasping at some of the moves she had done.

"Somebody told me that you're not my kind! So have I lost my mind? You keep on doing all the things I like, you've got me hypnotised. But, that's the way I like it!" Nastasia belted out with a voice that sounded like it was heaven sent. Even without the music she sounded like a diva. Howie's voice caught in his throat as AJ approached her, she was still belting out the lyrics like a professional.

"NASTASIA!" AJ called as he put his arms around her waist and picked her up and spun her. Nastasia yelped in surprise as she tore off the headphones and looked at Chase, Howie, and AJ.

"You guys scared me!" Nastasia laughed as Chase ran up and wrapped his arms around her neck. She smiled and picked him up, kissing his sweet hair.

"Aunt Stazzie sing preddy!" Chase cooed as he stared at her with admiration.

"Thank you Chase." She laughed as she set him back down on the stage.

"Hey baby, great singing, and dancing." Howie laughed as he wrapped his arms around Nastasia and pulled her in for a kiss. She eargerly accepted it, but pulled away when she felt AJ staring at her.

"Hey Stazzie." AJ smiled softly.

"Hey JJ." She answered awkwardly.

"What's happening?"

"Dancing. What else do I ever do?"

"Nothing." AJ answered, chuckling a bit as he stared deeply into her eyes. He probed into her ocean colored eyes. He saw the hurt and deep regret. He winced as she looked away for a moment. "Uh...Stazzie..."

"Hmm?" She asked.

But before AJ could talk to her he was sadly interupted. "FIGURES YOU'D GUYS BE HERE EARLY!!!" Nick yelled as he and Brian ran up to the stage.

"Figures you'd be late!" Nastasia answered as she turned away from AJ to greet Nick and Brian with hugs and kisses. Which made AJ wince again. Chase watched his dad with curiousity as AJ walked over and tugged Nastasia aside. She flew from the force of AJ's tug.

"Jezz...what's your problem?" She asked as he still held tightly onto her left arm. She stared at him showing no expression on her face. She was afraid to, she was afraid to hurt AJ.

"Don't go anywhere after the show. We have talking to do. And I mean it." He answered sternly as he lead her back to the group who was playing with Chase.

Chapter 47:

I was in my bathroom, fixing my hair, once again doing nothing more then pulling it into a neat pony tail. It still looked great. I had made up the decision that I would end up going to the guys' show after all. Afterwards, I was going to make ammends with Nastasia once and for all, and hopefully with A.J too.

I had pretty much stayed in my hotel room that day, not feeling much up to anything as I felt myself sink deeper and deeper into my pit of depression.

I began to think back on all the things I had said to Nastasia and all the things I'd thought, and realized fully for the first time that what A.J said was true. I really was being selfish. I had no reason to be either. I should have been thankful for Nastasia. If it weren't for her, A.J wouldn't be here still and Chase wouldn't have his father anymore. I really messed up and I knew I needed to set things straight.

I quickly glanced down at my watch and realized it was 6:25. I had called a cab not too long before and it was supposed to arrive at 6:30 to take me to the arena. I took one last look at myself in the mirror and ran back into the main part of my room, grabbing my coat and rushing out the door.

The cab was already waiting outside as I rushed out the lobby doors.
" Thanks for waiting, " I said in a breathy tone as I hopped in the cab.

" No problem. Where to miss? " the cab driver questioned as he turned around in his seat to face me.

" The Tampa Bay Arena, " I answered, slouching back into my seat. ( *Author's Note* I doubt that's the real name. I was just guessing because I didn't know... )

" You going to that Backstreet Boys concert or something? " he snickered.

" Yeah, I guess you could say that... " I replied and stared out my window as he pulled away and we headed off towards my destination.

*****

" Ok people, 15 minutes til the show! " the stage manager yelled as he rushed by them, making last minute checks on everything.

" Ok buddy, you're gonna need to stay back here while Daddy goes out and performs for all the people ok? " A.J asked as he sat Chase down on the couch that was backstage in the lounging area. It was pretty hectic back there and all the screams from the fans in the audience could be heard.

" Why me no come wit you? " Chase questioned, looking up at his father.

" Um, because you just can't Chasers... " Chase stuck out his bottom lip and glared up at his father. " Hey now, it'll only be for a couple hours and there'll be some nice people back here to keep you company, ok? "

" Whed Mommy come? " Chase asked, completely ignoring A.J's question.

A.J's eyes flashed with anger, but he tried not to show it. " I don't think your Mommy is coming tonight. "

" Why? "

" I don't know... " he lied.

" Yo J, it's time to start the show! " Nick yelled with a funny grin as he ran past, obviously hyped and on a sugar high.

" I gotta go now Chasers. See you in a couple hours, " A.J said and quickly gave his son a kiss on his forehead.

" No Daddy! "

" I'll see you in a couple hours Chase! " A.J called out as he was dragged away to get into position.

*****

I arrived just before the show started. At first I had a bit of trouble getting into the arena until I flashed my admittance pass and backstage pass to the security guards, and finally they let me through. The opening notes just began to play as I reached my seat and the show started.

A.J looked out over the audience as he poured his heart and soul into the song they were singing. His eyes fell on one paticular person. She looked familiar. She looked like...Lauren. No, it couldn't be, he thought. Why would she come? He pushed the thought out of his head and concentrated on making his performance the best.

*****

" Thank you Tampa! You've been a wonderful audience! " Howie yelled and waved to the fans. The guys did one final group bow and exited offstage.

" Damn! That was a blast! " Nick yelled punching the air with a fist and then reaching for his water bottle.

" Yeah, it was great! " Brian agreed. " Though, you and your two left feet Frack... "

" Don't even start Frick... "

" Break it up! " A.J laughed as he pushed through the two who were close at each other's throats. He looked around and went over to the couch where he had last put Chase before the concert, but jumped back with worry when he saw that Chase was not there. He didn't really expect him to have stayed on the couch for the whole two and a half hours, but he didn't see him anywhere. His heart began to race and he looked around frantically. " Shit! "

" What's wrong J? " Kevin asked as he came up to him.

" I-I can't find Chase. He isn't here. Where the hell is he?! "

" Whoa, calm down, I'm sure he's around here somewhere, " Kevin said, placing a reassuring hand on his bandmate's shoulder as he looked like he were going to pull his hair out.

" Yo J, Sonja just told me to tell you she took Chase to the dressing-room during the show. She thought you would like to know, " Howie said as he came up to A.J after seeing the worried expression on his friend's face.

A.J took in a deep breath, relaxing a bit, some of the tenseness he felt, going away. " I'll be back in a bit. Tell Staz to meet me in the dressing room, " he said as he ran off.

He walked into the dressing-room and looked around, finally spotting his son sleeping peacefully on the couch. He smiled warmly and walked over and sat down quietly. Chase clutched onto his Pooh Bear as he slept laying on his stomach and A.J smoothed his hair out. Chase stirred in his sleep and he opened his eyes, looking up tiredly at his Father.

" Daddy! " he said, not fully alert.

" Hey Chasers, " A.J replied with an exhausted grin.

" We go otel now? "

" We will in a little bit. Go back to sleep ok? "

Chase didn't respond, only closed his eyes and by the change in his breathing, A.J could tell he had fallen back asleep.

A.J leaned back in the couch and closed his eyes as he relaxed, waiting for Nastasia to come.

Minutes later he heard the door to the dressing-room open and Nastasia walked in.

" Howie said you wanted to talk to me, " she said quietly, nervousness coating her voice.

" Yeah, I do, " A.J replied as he stood up from the couch. " But let's talk in the other dressing-room, " he said and walked over to the door that adjoined the two dressing-rooms.

Nastasia relunctly followed and sat down on one of the chairs that was in the room as A.J shut the door and walked over to her, sitting on the floor in front of her.

" so, what did you, uh...need to talk to me about? "

" You giving me the cold shoulder and how you seem to try to advoid me if at all possible... "

" Listen, I don't want to talk about it, ok? "

" No, you listen. It's not fair to me and you know it, so tell me what's going on... "

" No A.J, just forget it ok? "

A.J felt himself getting frustrated again, but he softened when he saw the hurt in his friend's beautiful eyes. " If you and Lauren were having such a problem, why didn't you come tell me? "

" Wait, how did you know Laur and I were having problems? "

" I have my source, " A.J half-joked, but became serious again. " And even if that's the case, there's no reason for you to be treating me like this just because of Lauren and - "

" A.J, I'm sorry, but can we just drop it? I don't wanna - "

" Stop trying to just forget about this because I'm not going to. "

" No, I don't want to start anything, " Nastasia said and stood up to leave.

" Wait Stazzie! "

" No A.J, just leave me the HELL alone... " She walked out of the room and slammed the door shut.

" Damnit! " A.J cursed as he rubbed his temples.

Chapter 48:

AJ moaned again as he found himself running after Nastasia. He hated the way she just forgot about things and never wanted to discuss them openingly. He ran out of the room and walked down the hallways. He zoomed in and out people, then he saw Howie.

"YO D!" AJ yelled, fustration covering his face as he ran into the game room. That's where everyone calmed down after a show.

"What?" Howie asked as he turned around, he was talking to Nick and Brian, but AJ's distress made him worry a bit, "Can't find Chase?"

"Did you see Stazzie?" AJ blurted out.

"Why?" Howie asked suspisiously.

"Can't you just answer my damn question?!" AJ yelled.

"She ran out down the hall a minute ago. I think it's the one that leads outside." Nick answered quickly as he pointed to the direction of another hallway. Howie looked shocked. Suspision frozen in his dark eyes.

"She looked upset..." Brian commented, "If you hurry I bet you could catch up with her in a jiffy..."

"Jiffy?" Nick smirked.

"Shutup!" Brian hissed, "You better run though man. That chick is speedie!"

"Howie don't even start with your lecture! I'll find her! You go get Chase and wait with him. We'll be ready to go in ten minutes flat! I swear!" AJ called as he began running down the hallway, hoping to catch up with Nastasia.

*******

It was much easier getting backstage than I had thought. My heart pounded as I walked into the bussling people, everyone congradulating everyone else at the moment.

I was shocked as I went into the game room to find Howie, Brian, and Nick hanging out, talking in hushed voices. It became quiet when they all gazed at me. Howie was a little upset, I could see it in his eyes. I didn't know whether it was me or something else.

"Hey Lauren!" Brian greeted happily as I walked over, faking a smile on my lips.

"Hey, Chase around?" I asked, not really caring at this moment where Chase was. I knew he was in good hands, I trusted them.

"He's in the dressing room sleeping. We wore him out. Although I think in some cases he might of wore us out a bit too." Nick laughed as he took a deep slug of water.

"Awesome. I won't have a problem with him tonight."

"Yeah." Brian nodded towards me.

"So, where's his father and aunt?" I asked, I didn't know if all of them knew about the whole ordeal, but I knew Howie did. It was in his eyes as he looked up at me. Anger flaring a bit again.

"Planning on getting her upset again?" Howie asked.

"No..." I hesitated, I didn't want to get in another fight with another guy. God, why did they all stick up for her in the first place?

"Staz went running down that hallway..." Nick answered, and that was all I needed to hear for the moment.

"Thanks, bye!" I answered as I ran down the hallway, I knew a little of this place from running around before the show. She would be heading outside, and I knew a quick shortcut to get from that point to stop her. I was in good hands.

*******

AJ continued to run down the pretty well lit hallway, he could hear Nastasia's cries. He felt horrible, but he had to get to the bottom of this. He was dying to have his best friend back. He really cared for her. He continued to run as fast as he could, then he heard a scream.

********

I had cut Nastasia off in the nick of time, which I was pretty happy about. I knew she was fast. She gave out a wild scream of frustration as she eyed me with the anger toiling in her ocean eyes.

She glared at me once more and turned to run the other direction, but stopped half way. She let out another scream. I looked ahead of her and my heart jumped.

It was AJ.

"God! How come you guys always corner me?! It's not fair damnit!" Nastasia moaned loudly, she had no where to go this time, she was stuck. Now she had to face her problems.

Chapter 49:

I watched Nastasia's eyes darted frantically from me to AJ. She wanted a way out, but as far as I could see she wasn't getting past AJ at the moment. And I sure as Hell wasn't letting her past me.

"GOD, Can't y'all just leave me be?" Nastasia moaned at both of us. I saw the anger flare in AJ's eyes as Nastasia continued to look at me. Her eyes showed all the anger and hurt she had been feeling. I winced.

"We have to talk." I answered calmly.

"So you can yell at me again? Hell no. Why would I want that?" Nastasia answered as she glared at me, her ocean eyes toiling a hurricane of emotions.

"I..."

"No, she's talking with me. Then you can say whatever you want to her Lauren, but you're not screwing our relationship up more than it already is." AJ answered before I could reply to Nastasia's remark. I shrank back, I never wanted to speak up to AJ. I couldn't ruin the relationship we had started to build, although I need to rebuild it in the first place.

Nastasia whizzed around to face AJ, tears threatening her beautiful ocean eyes. She looked so helpless at that moment, I guess guys loved that about her too. Which made me a little bit more jealous.

"Why should I talk with you? All you do is yell at me too." Nastasia whispered as she stared at him.

"I won't yell Stazzie, but we do have to talk. Now."

"I thought I told you to leave me alone?"

"I think the words were leave me the HELL alone, but you know I don't listen to a word you say. Unless it's something important." AJ said, grinning lightly at Nastasia. Her eyes softening a bit. AJ's anger started to melt as he stared back at her, I wish I could do that.

"Promise me you won't yell...I hate that." Nastasia whimpered like a child as AJ held out his left hand to her. She grabbed it and waited for his answer. I tried to let my jealousy dim, but somehow I couldn't. I guess I did need to talk with them.

"I won't yell. Unless you're being Blonde." AJ answered.

"Fine." Nastasia laughed a little awkwardly, I guess she still knew I was jealous and still didn't know how to act around me and AJ. Which was my fault, yet again.

"Lauren. We'll go back to the dressing rooms to talk. You can wait in the adjoining one while Nastasia and I talk. Then you can come in and say your peace. No other way is acceptable at the moment." AJ answered, waiting for me to defy him. His brown eyes had started to singe with anger. I didn't want that again...

"Fine." I agreed.

Chapter 50:

I trailed behind A.J and Nastasia, he had his arm around her shoulder protectively. I shook my head sadly, still scorning myself for all the sadness I had caused my best friend. Some friend I was...

We reached the dressing-rooms, which seemed to take forever and the two of them walked in and shut the door, leaving me alone in the hall. A real slap in the face. I shook my head, I deserved it. I knew they were both really angry at me and I deserved it. I walked to the other dressing-room door and opened it quietly, remembering how Brian had told me earlier that Chase was in there sleeping. Sure enough, I spotted him spraweled out on his stomach on the couch, sound asleep, with not a worry in the world. His little Pooh Bear had fallen to the ground next to the couch and his little arm dangled over the side. He looked so adorable and I smiled and took a seat next to my sleeping child.

I just sat there and sighed. I was beginning to regret making the decision to come on the tour. I would only be causing them more problems if I stayed, so as I sat there, I decided that first thing in the morning, I would catch a flight back to Orlando. At least it would take all the stress and anger away from everyone I was causing, I figured I would let Chase spend part of the tour with his father. I didn't want to mess up their relationship like I had with A.J and Nastasia.

*****

" C'mon Stazzie, talk to me, " A.J begged for the third time as he sat down after pacing the room. Nastasia hadn't said a word since they entered the room. She didn't even look at him as he talked, frustrating him even more. All he wanted was for her to at least acknowledge him.
" Stazzie, it's killing me inside that you won't even talk to me! You're my best friend, my " sister ". Just...geez... "

Nastasia sighed deeply and looked up at him through teared eyes. " I don't know what to say JJ, I...I'm sorry... "

A.J looked deep into her eyes and hurt filled him. " If you want to end whatever friendship we've ever had, than just tell me. But please Stazzie, don't ignore me or give me the cold shoulder, because that kills me inside, that breaks my heart, " he whispered.

Nastasia's lips quivered as she stared into A.J's caring brown eyes and completely broke down. A.J rushed to her and pulled her into his arms. " JJ...I...I just didn't...want anything to go wrong...between you and Lauren. I...just wanted...everything to be ok between the two of you...again...I didn't...want to ruin it... "

" Oh god Stazzie, you weren't ruining anything... " A.J replied soothingly, hugging her tightly to his body. He hated seeing her like this. " You were never ruining anything...don't even think that... "

" But... "

" No buts, Stazzie. " A.J pulled away from her and wiped away her tears. " I just want my best friend back... "

" Okay, " she whispered and hugged him again.

" So, are we cool again, Blondie? " A.J asked with a grin.

" Blondie? You jerk! " Nastasia laughed, smacking him playfully on his shoulder.

A.J laughed. " I'm just playin', but seriously, we cool again? "

" Yeah, we're cool. "

" Great. "

" I guess I need to talk to Lauren, " Nastasia said quietly, the hurt returning a bit to her eyes. " So I'll meet you back in the game
room. "

" Are you sure? "

Nastasia laughed. " I'm sure, I need to fix things with Lauren. "

" Alright, I'll go with you to get Chase and then I'll leave the two of you alone. "

" Alright... "

*****

I was so far off in another world, that I didn't even realize the door that joined the two rooms opened. It wasn't until A.J came over to the couch and picked Chase up, that I realized they had come into the room. He looked at me, this time, not a look of complete anger, but more of a look of anger and forgiveness. I had to look away...

After he had left the room and shut the door, Nastasia came over to the couch and sat down beside me. I couldn't even get myself to look at her, I felt so ashamed.

" You still wanna talk? " she asked me quietly. " Lauren? "

" I'm really sorry Staz, " I replied, still not looking at her, afraid to show her the tears that were cascading down my cheeks. " I've been a real bitch the past two weeks and I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have acted like that, especially to you. You're my best friend and you didn't deserve it at all and - "

" Whoa, Laurie, it - "

" No, I've treated you like shit, I guess you can call it, when I should be thankful. Because if it weren't for you, A.J wouldn't be here still and Chase wouldn't have his father anymore. I never really gave you credit for that, I'm really sorry and - "

" Laurie! Chill! Give me a chance to talk! " Nastasia half laughed and turned me around to face her. " Listen, I accept your apology and everything, I just don't want us to fight, ok? It hurt me so much when we were fighting, because damnit Laurie, we've never faught like this before. So can we call it a truce, or otherwise, this tour is just going to be pure hell... "

" Yeah, we can call it a truce, but the tour's not gonna be pure hell either way, " I stated quietly, looking down at the ground.

" What's that supposed to mean? "

" I've decided I'm gonna catch a flight first thing in the morning, back to Orlando... "

Nastasia looked at me, surprise written all over her face. " Whoa, Laurie. Why? "

" Because if I stay, I'll just cause you guys more trouble then I already have, and I know A.J doesn't want me around. So why should I stay? "

" C'mon Laurie, you know that's not true. You can't just leave. "

" Well, I'm going to. I'm gonna let Chase stay for half the tour because I want him to spend more time with his father and - "

" No Laurie... "

" I've made up my mind. I just don't think I should be on tour with you guys. I don't want to cause anymore problems. "

Chapter 51:

That night Nastasia had rushed into AJ's room. Howie was already sleeping and didn't know she was gone. She hoped he was awake.

Sure enough he was.

"Hey bum. Why you still awake?" Nastasia asked as she jumped onto AJ's bed. He threw his magazine aside and laughed at Nastasia's playfulness.

"Shouldn't I be asking you the same question Blondie?" AJ answered with a wry grin as Nastasia glanced back at him, acting offended.

"I know your weak spot. Don't mess with me."

"Ooooooooooh."

"Shut up JJ!"

"Sorry Stazzie!" AJ laughed as he pulled her into a hug. She hugged him back tightly, "I'm so glad I have my Stazzie back and ready for action."

"Yeah!" Nastasia answered happily.

"You danced well with Nick tonight."

"He stepped on my foot though!" Nastasia moaned as she laid back on AJ's king-size bed. He laughed as she scrunched up her face in a pout.

"He's forever stepping on your cute little toes." AJ teased as Nastasia held up one of her bare feet and examined it for a moment.

"I know they're cute!"

"Alright, enough! You're turning me on!" AJ laughed as Nastasia sat up quickly. She looked shocked at his answer. She quickly tugged her tank-top up and the pair of boxers she had stolen from Howie down a bit.

"You're such a hornball!" Nastasia laughed as AJ fixed a long strand of blonde hair from out of her eyes. She smiled at him greatfully.

"So, why did you come in here in the first place if you knew I'd be horny?"

"Well... I wanted to talk to you about Lauren..."

"You seem happier and I'm taking it as you guys are friends again." AJ answered stiffly. He was still a little angery at Lauren. He didn't want to admit it, but he was.

"Yes...but she's leaving tomorrow..."

"WHY?" AJ asked, surprise written all over his face.

"Because she doesn't want to piss you off more than you already are. She's letting you keep Chase for half of the tour, but she's going to the airport tomorrow. Instead of jumping on the bus where she should be."

"Good, as long as I get Chaser."

"ALEXANDER!"

"What?!" AJ whimpered.

"She still loves you. And she wants to be with you. Why can't you admit that you want her back too?"

"Because she already tried to screw up our relationship. And that really hurt me. Why should I trust her again?"

"Because..." But Nastasia's voice drifted off.

"You can't give me an answer can you?"

"No..."

"So, there's no use."

"But!"

"Yes?" AJ waited.

"She'll stay if you want her too. And I know inside your heart you do want her here. Even if you can't admit it to me. So, think about it..."

"Fine."

"But I better get back to Howie...He might get cranky." Nastasia answered as she stood up and adjusted the boxers to let them ride on her hips. AJ thought she looked very beautiful in the lighting, not that she never looked beautiful...She always did.

"Who's the hornball now?" AJ cracked, knowing they were just friends. Nothing more.

"ME!" Nastasia laughed as she gave him a tight hug and went to the door, resting on the frame, "Just think about it ok?"

"Okay." AJ laughed as she left, leaving him to think.

***********

I gave kisses goodbye to Chase before I left that morning. AJ was still sleeping, and I doubted that he would ever wake up to see me off. Nastasia had still been pleading with me to stay, but she knew the reason I wasn't.

They all did.

I sat on one of the cold plastic chairs as I waited for my flight to be called. Soon they would be leaving for another concert. I believe the next one was in South Carolina...

"NOW BOARDING FLIGHT 216 TO ORLANDO FLORIDA!" An announcer boomed on the intercom. I rose sadly, I wished AJ had come to take me away. As I gathered my on-flight cargo I slowly progressed to my flight.

"LAUREN!"

What? Was some calling my name? I stopped for a moment to listen...

"LAUREN!"

I turned around slowly and my jaw almost hit the floor. I saw AJ running up towards me. He looked very sexy in a black tank-top and khaki cargo pants. His dark eyes hid behind glasses and his frosted tipped hair hiding under a cowboy hat.

"AJ?" I asked, surprise written all over my face as I stared back at him. He approached me nochalantly. I noticed relief in his brown eyes as he took off his sunglasses.

"I came to bring you back."

"Bring me back?"

"To the tour."

"Why?" I asked.

"Chase misses you."

'You're lying. He has Staz, and when he has Staz he hardly notices that I am missing. He was fine when I told him I was leaving..." I said as a matter of factly. He couldn't get away with those slick moves.

"Fine, I didn't want you to leave me alone with Chase. I'm not good at the parenting thing yet."

"Staz is there to help you." I replied, a wry smile forming on my lips as my flight was called again.

"FINE! DAMN! I want you to come back! Jezz, why are you women so difficult?"

"Because we can be."

"So will you come back?"

"Are you mad at me?"

"No..."

"Missed me?"

"Still deciding." AJ laughed, "So?"

His brown eyes brought me to remember the good times. I found another goofy smile upon my lips as his eyes pleaded with me. So much like Chase. Guess I couldn't say no this time either.

Chapter 52:

I guess in a way I was very much relieved that A.J had come to get me at the airport before I had got on my flight. Deep down inside, a part of me never wanted to leave to begin with.

The ride back to the hotel was pretty much silent, we didn't say much to each other. A.J was alone, which surprised me, I was sure he would of had to take at least one bodyguard with him, but there weren't any this time.

" My Mom is meeting up with us in South Carolina tomorrow for the next show, " A.J said, breaking the ever growing silence that was growing between us.

" Really? Well, it will be nice to see her, " I said, looking at him, wondering why he was being so quiet.

" Yeah, it will be, " he replied. He looked over at me also and gave a genuine smile and returned his attention to the road.

I sighed and leaned back into my seat, feeling very uncomfortable, the silence getting to me.

*****

" Changed your mind huh? " Nastasia laughed as I walked into her and Howie's hotel room. They were both packing up their stuff. We would be leaving soon to start heading towards our next destination...South Carolina.

" No, actually A.J did... " I laughed as she gave me a hug.

" I knew you would be back. "

" Oh did you? " I grinned.

" Yep. Well, lucky you, you don't have to pack, because you already are packed, " Nastasia said as she shoved a white tank into her already over stuffed suitcase.

" Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm lucky. So where's Chase? "

" He's with Brian and Nick. "

My eyes popped open in surprise. " You're not serious, are you? "

" Yeah, why? " Nastasia asked, confusidely.

" How could you leave him with THEM? " Panic was written all over my face. I looked back at Howie. He had a smirk on his face and I could tell he was trying not to laugh.

" Why you makin' such a big deal out of it? "

I couldn't hold it in anymore and I burst out laughing, leaving Nastasia even more confused.

" Ok, did I miss something? " she asked.

" Yeah, I think you did babe, " Howie laughed, giving her a kiss on the cheek. " So we're stuck with you the whole tour Laur? "

" Howard! " Nastasia scorned and smacked him hard on the arm.

" Whoa baby! Calm down! "

" That was really mean! " Nastasia said and pulled away from him.

" Geez, I was just joking, ok? Seriously, I'm glad you're back and are going to be on the tour, because it just wouldn't be the same without you, Laur. "

" Thanks, " I laughed. " I'm going to go get Chase. "

" Ok, I'll see you later, " Nastasia called out as I walked out the door.

*****

I walked down the hallway where I could hear Chase's wild screams. I laughed silently as I walked to Nick's hotel room and watched.

Chase had been attacking Brian and Nick. Brian had been tickling him and then Chase got loose. Nick's clothes were currently all on the floor, by Chase's doing I supposed. Now Nick and Brian were ganging up on Chase.

"MED GET PONTA ON YOUR BUTT BUT AUNT STAZZIE CLEAND!!! NICK GOED DOWN BY CHARZAD INSTAD!" Chase screamed as he let out a ferious roar. I held in my laughs as Nick screamed like a girl and Chase pounced on him.

"HELP! HELP! HELP! VULPIX!" Nick squealed as Brian looked dumbfounded. He was lost in the game, not knowing the Pokemon too well I guessed.

"Dude, is that me?" He asked.

"YES!" Nick yelled as Chase began to tickle him. Brian laughed as he jumped in to the "dog" pile. I felt a breeze whiz beside me as I looked to see AJ come into the room.

"What the heck are you guys doing?!" AJ laughed as all three boys looked up innocently at AJ.

"Daddy! Wed play poke-mon!" Chase squealed as he jumped into his father's arms. I laughed as Chase looked to me and gave me a happy grin. "HI MOMMY!"

"Hey baby." I laughed as I gave my round of hello's to the guys. Nick and Brian were surprised to see me back, but happy at least.

"If you were playing Pokemon how come Nicky's room got trashed?" AJ asked as Nick stood up and brushed himself off, grinning wildly. I guess he had a lot of sugar again.

"Eardqake!" Chase laughed as he tried to pronounce "earthquake". I laughed as AJ rolled his eyes at his smart-elic son.

"Well...no more earthquakes...well at least in Nicky's room." AJ laughed as an idea hit him in the head. I could see he was up to no good by the smile on his face.

"Isn't Stazzie still packing?" He asked.

He was talking to me.

"Yes..." I laughed.

"Want to get Ponyta Chaser?" AJ grinned as he looked at his son. Chase let out a giant roar as Brian and Nick stood up and listened to the plan. Boy, was Nastasia in trouble!

************

Nastasia continued to pack up her things. Howie was taking care of things in the bathroom for the moment. As she finally loaded another heavy suitcase she heard a pound on the door.

"COME IN!" She yelled, tired of packing already. And she hadn't even gotten her hair supplies and things ready to go. Plus her on board bag.

"PONTA GO DOWD!!!!" Chase yelled loudly as he and AJ burst through the door. They jumped onto the already made bed as Nick and Brian grabbed Nastasia and held her tight. Before Nastasia could speak against the attack Chase and AJ had already made a mess.

"EARDQAKE!" Chase yelled excitedly as he tossed Nastasia's tanks and pants onto the floor, creating a giant mess.

"OHMIGOSH! WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CLEANING YOU ANIMALS!" Nastasia moaned as she watched AJ and Chase lay on the bed.

"Come join us instead!" AJ called as Brian and Nick threw her on the bed and jumped on too. They all of a sudden decided to tickle Nastasia, giving her no chance for a fight. She let loose a round of squeals as Howie ran out of the bathroom.

"MEN! I HATE MEN!" She yelled as they continued to tickle her. Howie laughed as I walked through the door. We both sat there and watched Nastasia's torture until they all had her pinned beneath them, Chase sitting on her stomach.

"Lauren, did you have something to do with this?" She demanded of me as AJ started to laugh.

"No..." I laughed.

"God I hate men! They're such slobs! How am I going to survive!" Nastasia moaned.

"Ahhh, baby, you'll have to get used to it. Cause you're stuck with me!" AJ laughed as he leaned down and placed a friendly kiss on her cheek.

"Yed Aunt Stazzie! Get used to dit!" Chase sang as he imitated his father's moves and kissed her cheek. I started to laugh again, this would be a wild tour.

Chapter 53:

The trip to South Carolina was shorter than I had orignally thought it would be. But I guess it was because I was happier. AJ and I weren't fighting too bad, we actually were acting like humans. And Nastasia and I were tighter than ever.

Before I knew it the bus had stopped at our next hotel. It was a remote one and none of the crazy fans were outside. It was late at night so I was very thankful, tomorrow would be the show.

"Is that mom?!" I heard Nastasia ask AJ as soon as they were off the bus.

I knew she and Denise, AJ's mother, were very close. She had always been around AJ and grown up with her. Since Nastasia wasn't very close to her mother or father she depended on AJ's mother more than anything. Denise didn't mind it at all anyway, she loved Nastasia. And I hoped she still loved me.

"Mom! Mom! Mom!" I heard AJ and Nastasia cry at the same time as they jumped off the bus and ran to the hotel parking lot. There under the lights was Denise. She laughed as she greeted both with hugs and kisses. I saw Howie laugh as we watched them, approaching slowly with Chase in my arms.

*****

"Stazzie! How's my daughter!" Denise laughed as she kissed Nastasia's cheek and hugged her tightly. Nastasia hugged back with the same energy.

"I'm awesome Mom!"

"Still making the boys weak in the knees with those good looks?" Denise laughed as Howie approached. Howie laughed as he hugged Denise.

"She's not allowed to make them weak in the knees anymore." Howie answered.

"Why?" Denise laughed as AJ slung his arms around his mother, he began to laugh at Nastasia's reactions. She loved his mother, and he was glad. It was something that made him feel even closer to Nastasia.

"Because I'm dating her and she can only make me weak in the knees." Howie laughed as he drew Nastasia near to him. She rolled her eyes and flicked one of her long blonde braids out of her face.

"She's dating him Alex?" Denise asked AJ with surprise.

"Yes...I told her she could do better!" AJ teased as Howie punched him playfully in the shoulder. AJ smirked as Denise laughed.

"I still say that Stazzie got my good looks. How about it Alex?" Denise chuckled as Nastasia hugged her once more.

"Whatever you say mom." AJ laughed as he saw his mother glance down at his bandaged wrist. He looked away, he was doing good without Amanda so far. Thankfully Nastasia was there to help.

"How's your wrist?" She asked him softly.

"Better mom."

"And your heart?"

"Getting there..." AJ answered as he saw me approaching quietly with Chase in my arms. Chase was struggling with me, he wanted his father. AJ grinned from ear to ear as he grabbed Denise's arm and Nastasia's arm. "Mom, I want you to meet someone..."

*********

My heart began to pump faster as Denise had a look of surprise on her face. I could tell by her warm dark eyes that she was happy to see me, but confused too.

"Lauren? Doll, is that you?" Denise asked as AJ brought her and Nastasia to where Chase and I were standing. Chase wormed his way out of my arms and jumped into AJ's arms.

"Hey Denise." I replied, giving her the best smile that I could give her. Even though I was totally nervous with it all. I could see Nastasia's smile, telling me to calm down.

"How are you? Are you friends with my daughter still? Oh my! Dear! It's been sooo long!" Denise smiled as she enveloped me into a tight hug. I laughed as I hugged her back, she was always full of questions.

"I'm fine. Staz and I are best friends. And yes it has been long!" I replied quickly. I knew AJ was dying to show her Chase. I hoped she would love him as much as AJ had come to.

"Mom! I want you to meet this little man right here." AJ said as he took the attention off me and put it back on him.

"Why hello. Who is it Alex?" Denise asked questiongly.

"This is Chase Alexander."

"Alexander?"

"My son." AJ answered shakily. Nastasia held in a breath with me as we stared at the reaction that Denise gave. It was a warm reaction, which surprised me.

"With who?"

"Lauren, that's why she's here."

"Oh...wow..."

"You're a grandma now." AJ grinned as Chase looked at Denise. AJ brought his head down to Chase and smiled, "Chaser this is your new Grandma."

"Grammy?" Chase asked questioningly. I laughed as he stared at Denise fuzzily, "Me have dwo grammy dow?"

"Yes...you do." Denise laughed as tears came to her eyes. She gently reached out and held Chase in her arms gently. She had been crying tears of joy, I guess the bond had been made. Safe and clear.

Chapter 54:

Chase instantly fell in love with his grandma. They were an inseperable pair. I knew it would help alot to have Denise around.

The sleeping arrangements were the same as last time, Howie with Nastasia, Nick and Brian rooming, Kevin by himself, and this time Chase was with his father, and I alone.

I had just began to unpack my bag, after taking Chase over to A.J's room, when I heard a knock on the door. " Who is it? " I called.

" It's Denise, honey, " she called back.

" Oh, come in, " I replied and walked over to my dresser.

Denise opened the door and walked in, shutting it behind her. " I didn't really get to talk to you much when you got here and it's really great to see you again. "

" Thanks, " I smiled as she gave me a hug and we walked over to the bed and sat down.

" How have you been doing? " She asked me, giving me one of those motherly looks.

" I've been managing. It hasn't been easy, but I've managed to do good so far, " I replied. I had been really close to Denise when I was with A.J and I loved her like a second mom, and just like Nastasia, she had always treated me like her own daughter.

" Chase is really cute. He's so much like A.J and I can see you in him alot too. You've done well with him, " Denise said, the pride of being a grandma shinning in her eyes.

" Yes, he is alot like his father... "

" I'm not trying to ring you out about this, but, how come you never brought it up to A.J about Chase? Chase is what? almost 4 is what A.J was saying and you never told him about his son? " I could tell Denise was trying to word it in the best way possible, so I didn't try to take it personally.

" Denise, I...I did try to. I found out I was pregnant the day after we broke up. I tried for so long to talk to him. I can't even remember how many times I tried calling. He wouldn't accept my calls, so I gave up. I wanted A.J to know about his son, God I did... " I said, my voice trailing off as I looked away, the pain and sadness I had suffered returning to my eyes.

" I want to tell you, that's one thing I never agreed with, Alex shutting you out of his life like that. "

" I never did anything that night with Devon, I never did anything. I would have done anything though, to make A.J see that truth. I never wanted to hurt him. I loved him so much, and Denise, I still do... "

" I know you do, and if I know my Alex well, I know he'll come around sooner or later, " Denise said with a smile as she gave me a comforting hug.

" Thanks Denise, " I said, greatly appreciating it.

" Well, I'll let you get back to unpacking. I'm sure you're exhausted. We'll talk more in the morning - we've got a lot to catch up on. "

" Alright... "

" Goodnight, Lauren. "

" Night, Denise. "

Chapter 55:

I waited for the concert to end the next night. I kept Chase at home because I knew he wanted to spend a little more time with Denise. She loved him so much already. I was so relieved. I decided to not go to the concert though, only to keep myself away from Nastasia and AJ's ground.

"Hey where's my Chazzie?" Nastasia asked as she came into my room. She had already taken a shower so it seemed. Her hair was bundled into a towel and a pair of Howie's boxers clung to her hips and a large t-shirt to her chest. I figured it was Howie's clothing too. But she did look sweet in it, maybe that's why Howie always let her borrow his stuff. That and he loved her to death.

"He's with your mother." I replied as Nastasia collapsed onto my bed. I looked at her questiongly. She seemed a little weary and looked a little sick. Her ocean eyes were a dull green, indicating she wasn't feeling the greatest.

"Awe...how sweet." She said with half of a smile.

"Are you okay?" I asked, sensing she wasn't feeling well.

"I'm peachy..." She said with half of another smile. I frowned again, she never told me the truth when she wasn't feeling well. Just another one of the things her father did to her. She could never show weakness in front of her father, or she'd face the belt.

"Liar..."

"I'm tired is all. I swear." She answered as she crawled up my bed and jumped under the covers with me. I laughed, as she dug herself deep into the warm covers. I remembered when she and I used to sleep in the same bed when we were little. Always passing on stories to one another in the night.

"Just tired?"

"Yes. So, Mom really loves Chazzie doesn't she?" Nastasia asked me as she rested her head one of my large pillows. I placed down the book I was reading and stared at Nastasia with a smirk.

"Yes. She adores him."

"Who couldn't? He's irrisitable."

"Unfortunantly." I laughed.

"Very true." She sighed.

"Are you sure you're all right?" I asked her once more. Knowing that when she was in pain or when she was sick she always ignored it and tended to other people.

"You should of been there tonight. JJ splashed us all with water. The little jerk...he...man..." Nastasia sighed as if she was out of breath, it looked like she was extremly weak.

"Staz, are you OK?" I asked more sternly, she fixed her ocean eyes on me and stared hard at me.

"I always get tired the first couple of shows. My body is messed up right now...So let me sleep...and I'll be fine...just fine...Ask JJ...he'll tell you..." She murmured.

I always knew when she was lying...and she was this time.

"Staz-"

"Let me sleep here tonight. Or just until Howie comes looking for me. Then wake me up. Promise you'll wake me up if Howie or JJ comes for me?" She asked as she closed her eyes. She looked so sweet and angelic laying there. I didn't have the heart to tell her to get out, and I never would tell her that.

"Sure angel." I smiled as she drifted off into her sweet dreams.

Chapter 56:

I woke up the next morning to find that Nastasia must have left sometime during the night. I was a bit worried about her. She didn't seem like herself. Maybe she was tired. I know I would be, doing all the dancing she has to do, but I was still worried. I figured I would ask her later today when I saw her.

I climbed out of bed and staggered into my bathroom, looking wearily into the mirror as I turned on the light. " Don't I just look lovely, " I said sarcastically as I studied the tangled mess that layed on my head, which I called hair.

" Mommy! Mommy! " I heard Chase yell as he burst through the door of my hotel room. I stepped out of the bathroom just as Chase reached me and I scooped him up into my arms, smothering him with kisses.

" Hey sweetie, how's my little boy? " I cooed as I hugged him.

" Me dood! " Chase squealed. " Me and Grammy go get beckfist dow! You doo! "

I looked to see Denise standing in the doorway. " Morning Denise, " I greeted and placed Chase back on the ground.

" Morning Laurie. Sleep well, I hope? " Denise asked as Chase ran back into her arms.

" Very well, " I replied and quickled brushed out my tangled hair.

" We go dow Mommy and wake up Auntie Stazzie! "

" Coming Chase, " I laughed as Chase squirmed in his grandma's arms until she put him down. I doubted Nastasia would be awake. It was only 9:00 am, but I figured it would be fun getting to wake her up.

" And den wake up Daddy doo! "

" Oh, I'm not sure if that's a good idea Chase, " Denise laughed as Chase pulled both of us out the door. " If your Daddy isn't already awake, you need to let him wake up on his own. "

" No! Daddy wake up dow! " Chase said stubbornly.

" If you say so... " Denise replied with a grin.

We walked down the hall a bit and stopped in front of room 212, Howie and Nastasia's room. I got an idea and motioned for Denise and Chase to be quiet. I knocked on the door and cleared my throat and waited for a reply.

After knocking a few more times, I heard a groggy yell of " what?! " come from inside.

" Room service! " I said in a strongly accented voice and knocked again.

" I didn't order any room service! " came Nastasia's irritated reply.

" * Knock knock * Room service! "

" Did you hear me? I said I didn't order any room service! "

" * Knock knock * Room service - I come to change pillows! "

" I don't need my pillows changed! "

" * Knock knock * Room service - I come to change sheets! "

" I don't need my sheets to be changed! Go away! "

" * Knock knock * Room service! " I was having a hard time surpressing my laughs and could tell Denise was snickering silently - Chase looked clueless.

I heard Nastasia get out of bed and walk over to the door. " I said I didn't order no damn room ser...vice...that was you Laurie? " she said as she opened the door.

" Mornin' Sunshine! " I laughed but stopped when she just glared. I studied her features - there was a pale shade to the skin tone of her face. She looked weaker than normal. " You feelin' ok, Stazzie? "

" Yeah, I'm feeling fine, " Nastasia replied. She was lying, even Denise could tell.

" Sweetie, are you sure? You don't look so good, " Denise said, concern coating her voice.

" Yes Mom, I'm fine, " Nastasia replied as she rolled her now dull green eyes. " I'm just tired, that's all. "

" Aunt Stazzie no feel dood? " Chase whimpered. " Aunt Stazzie eat beckfist and den Aunt Stazzie feel dood! "

" I'll come down in a little bit Chazzie. "

" Howie still sleeping? I thought he would have woken up after my little wake up call I just pulled, " I said as I tried to peer into the dark room.

" Nah, the lazy butt is still sleeping. He sleeps like a bear. It takes a lot to wake him up. "

" Remind you of anyone? " I laughed.

" JJ, " Nastasia laughed. " I'll be down later. I'm going back to bed. "

" Alright. We'll see you later, " I said and took hold of Chase's hand. " C'mon, let's go wake up your father. "

*****

Nastasia had been acting extremely quiet through out the day. Everyone could tell she wasn't feeling good, even though she tried to deny it. Howie was becoming worried about her.

I stepped out of the elevator on the second floor and began walking down the hall. Everyone was supposed to be leaving for rehearsal and Howie had asked me if I would go get Nastasia, who was still in their room.

I reached their door and walked in, knowing I didn't need to knock. I didn't see her in the room, but noticed the light was on in the bathroom. I walked over and knocked on the door. The only responce I got was a sudden sob from inside, which made me worried. Walking into the bathroom, I found Nastasia standing frozen in the middle of the floor, her back to me. " Stazzie? " I could tell she was shaking as she turned around.

Her bottom lip quivered as she gazed at me. She was holding something white in her hands.

" Stazzie, what's wrong? "

She couldn't answer me.

I looked to the counter and saw a small white box. It couldn't be what I thought it was, could it? I picked it up and my own hands began to shake as my suspision was confirmed - it was a pregnancy test.
" Stazzie? "

" Laurie...I-I'm pregnant... "

Chapter 57:

I felt like I had been punched hard in the stomach. She had always warned me about practicing safe sex, or so she had told me. And this was the first time she had ever really been sexually active with a man before.

Everything began to come back to me. The fight that AJ and I had. Us spending the night at Nastasia's house. Her and Howie in the bedroom. The teasing, the careless energy flooding through us. Such carelessness.

"Stazzie, you can't be..." I whispered, I felt like her mother. Hell, I was her mother. We were so close, I knew I had to watch out for her. She was so weak and fragile, like a rose.

"You can read the test as well as I can..." She snapped back at me as sobs errupted in her chest. I saw her fall to the ground and double over the toilet. A nasty liquid spewing from her lips.

Morning Sickness. Damn.

I gasped as I yanked a towel from the rod. I grabbed it and wet it quickly. I placed it over the back of her hot neck, cooling her down. She coughed and sputtered until everything left her pale lips.

"What are you going to do Stazzie? What are you going to do?" I muttered softly as she started to bawl again. I reached and pulled her into my rubbery arms, I hugged her tightly, what else could I do?

********

I don't know how long I sat there holding her in the bathroom. She just kept crying and crying. I couldn't stop her tears. She was in a horrible state at the moment, I knew she wouldn't be able to with stand the pressures of a child. I prayed for help.

"HELLO? WE WERE SUPPOSE TO LEAVE A HALF AN HOUR AGO?!" I heard a yell from inside the room. Nastasia's head snapped to attention, we both knew that voice very clearly.

Howie.

"Ohgod! Laurie! God! He can't know! Not now! Not ever!" Nastasia answered in a hush voice. The bathroom door was closed, that could buy us a few seconds.

"Honey, he has to know..."

"Not now! Promise me Lauren! Promise!" Nastasia begged me in a hushed whisper. I felt my heart pounding right along with her that time. I couldn't stop it. Her ocean eyes piercing with saddness and extreme helplessness. I couldn't say no.

"I promise." I whispered, choking back my own tears along with hers.

"HELLO?" Howie yelled impatiently.

"WE'LL BE RIGHT OUT!!!" I yelled back.

"Can you get me some sweats or whatever for practice?" Nastasia asked as she stood up wobbley. I saw the dizziness in her eyes, she looked so pale. And sickly. I felt my panic rush, I was so worried.

"Can't you just say you're sick and not go. I mean they won't miss you for just one concert. Right?" I asked.

"No...I have to go...Maybe the test was wrong...I'm not pregnant. I'm fine. Perfectly...fine...Just go get me my work out clothes...Please..." She begged me once more as she threw the test in the trash and burried it deep. I felt sick inside.

"Fine..." I muttered as she sat back down on the toilet seat. Holding her forehead in her hands. She looked like an angel sitting there, a very depressed angel. I sighed softly as I slipped out of the bathroom.

***********

I came out of the bathroom in a hurry. I saw Howie leaning against the wall. He looked fustrated. I sighed again as I ran to Nastasia's side of the dressers and began searching through her clothing.

"What's up with Staz?" Howie asked.

"She was getting a shower." I lied as I busied myself with finding her some clothing. I grabbed her adidas warm up flares and a tight fitting tanktop, lord knows she wouldn't be able to wear those in a few months.

"How come you're allowed in there when she's getting a shower and I'm not?" Howie teased, I could see the sensuality in his eyes as I grabbed the clothing.

"Because Howard, if you were in there you two would never get out in time to actually be to the concert!" I teased back, Howie laughed, but I suddenly felt sick inside. Those jokes were probably a part of what got us here in the first place.

"Sorry Lauren." He snickered, totally oblivious to what I knew about his girlfriend.

"It's all right Howie. Just go downstairs and tell them we'll be right down. I promise I'll hurry her ass along." I said, faking a entergetic smile.

"Alright." He shrugged as he left.

I sighed loudly as I ran back into the bathroom, only to find Nastasia in tears, the ones that would never seem to go away. The ones that were probably going to stay for awhile too.

Chapter 58:

Keeping Nastasia's " secret " bottled up inside, hurt me. I desperately wanted to tell somebody, I needed to tell somebody. Sooner later, it had to be let out, I just wasn't sure how soon it would be, and I didn't know how long I could keep it.

Worry shone through Howie's eyes and he kept eyeing Nastasia through out the rehearsal. She avoided eye contact with him completely. It were as if she were deathly afraid of him. I could tell she didn't want to accept the truth.

She just went about her dancing, covering up what she felt and knew the best she could. I was worried about the way she was going about this, She needed to let Howie know. I knew she was afraid, but he had to know. He was the father to be.

Though I didn't agree with what she were doing, I could totally relate to what she was going through. When I had found out I was pregnant with Chase, I had made her promise not to tell the guys, whom she saw everyday, especially A.J.

But that had been a mistake. I realized I should never had made her promise that. And now she was doing the same exact thing...

*****

It was less then a half an hour before the show and I walked into the dancers' dressing-room, knowing that Nastasia would more than likely be in there. She was always in there before the show.

" Hey Stazzie... " I said quietly as I walked in the room and shut the door behind me. She was sitting in one of the chairs staring at the wall, expressionless. It hurt me to see her like this, mostly for the fact that I knew she didn't know how to handle this situation.
" Feeling better? "

" No... " Nastasia replied, her voice choked with sobs. I frowned as I watched her turn around to look at me, her face pale. " God Lauren, how could I have let this happen? "

I took her into a hug. Her body shook with in my arms. This was going to be a very hard time for her and I knew it. " Stazzie, you didn't know... "

" I have always been the one preaching about pre-marital sex and how you should wait, and what do I do? God, I am so stupid! " She cried non-controllably against my shoulder.

" Don't say that. You didn't know this was going to happen, " I coaxed as I rubbed her back, hoping to give some comfort.

" I should have never done it. I should have known better, I shoulder have known this would happen...I can't handle this Laurie! I can't handle this! I'm not ready! "

" Niether was I Stazzie and I thought the same exact thing, but you were there to help me and I made it. You are just like me and I'm going to be there to help you. And, so is Howie. "

" No he's not, because he's not going to know! "

" Stazzie, don't do this to him. Don't make the same mistake I did! He needs to know! "

The door opened and Nastasia quickly turned away as Denise walked in.
" I came in here to tell Stazzie that she needs to start getting ready and come out. Is everything ok? "

" Yeah Denise, everything's fine, " I answered for both of us.

" Alright. "

As soon as Denise had left the room, Nastasia turned back around, the tears cascading down her cheeks. " I can't tell him... "

" You're gonna need to tell him sooner or later. Just let it be sooner, please...don't make the same mistake I did... " I whispered and pulled her in for another hug. " C'mon, you better get going. "

Nastasia and I walked out of the room and not too long after, a familiar voice called after us.

" Hey Stazzie! I've been looking all over for you baby! "

Howie.

I could hear Nastasia sigh deeply as she continued walking. Not even bothering to stop and talk to him.

" Stazzie, wait up! What's wrong? " Howie asked as he caught up to us. He gently grabbed her arm and spun her around to face him. " Baby, what's wrong? "

" J-just get away from me Howie! " Nastasia snapped and ran off.

I looked at Howie as he stood there dumbfounded, wondering what was wrong with his girlfriend as the hurt clouded his eyes.

Chapter 59:

That evening passed sooner than I ever thought it would. Chase and I stayed in the audience with Denise that night. Everyone begged Denise for her signiture, I laughed, she was so sweet.

"Mommy, Daddy sind do dou todight?" Chase asked me as the lights dimmed a bit. Denise laughed as Chase climbed into my lap and hugged me tight.

"I hope so baby..." I whispered.

"Aunt Stazzie deel better dow?" Chase asked, still worried about his aunt. Not once had she leaned over to kiss him or pay any attention to him today. I knew he thought maybe she was mad at him. But she couldn't be mad at him, he was too sweet.

"She'll be better soon baby. She just has a cold." I answered, fibbing to my son. I saw Denise's disapproval. I guess she knew something else was wrong with Nastasia. Somewhere deep inside me I wished she'd figure it out.

Howie danced kind of off pace that night. When he began songs like "Back To Your Heart" and "All I Have To Give" I saw the pain in his eyes, the choking of the words. I silently felt bad for him too. I couldn't say anything at the moment. He was hurting badly though.

Nastasia on the other hand danced perfectly. Or so it seemed to me. She didn't once make a mistake, which is what I think I most admired besides her looks. Whenever something was troubling her she was able to put it in her dancing to make her dancing even greater. But somewhere, under those fake smiles, she was seriously hurting.

**********

"Stazzie, you need to loosen up more!" I heard AJ laugh as he rubbed Nastasia's neck. I laughed at the pair, I wasn't really jealous of their relationship anymore. It seemed un-important to what she was facing now.

"I know...God..." Nastasia murmured as AJ continued to rub her neck slowly. We were in my hotel room. Nastasia was currenlty avoiding Howie. I didn't know where he was at the moment, but I knew he and AJ would be hitting me up for information sooner or later... Gosh, I feared that moment.

"Aunt Stazzie luv de?" Chase asked as AJ continued rubbing her shoulders. Nastasia looked down at Chase and smiled softly.

"Chazz-" Nastasia was about to say, but AJ grabbed ahold of her, clamping her mouth shut.

"SHE LOVES ME CHASER! NOT YOU!" AJ cackled as he pulled Nastasia down and started to tickle her. Chase laughed as Nastasia shrieked out, then Chase jumped on her stomach.

I saw Nastasia double over in pain as she slid off the bed. My heart raced as she rushed into the bathroom, I saw her slam the door. I jumped out of one of the chairs and bolted to the bathroom, but the door was locked.

"STAZ! STAZZIE! OPEN THE DOOR!" I screamed as I pounded on the door. AJ looked at me quizzically as Chase climbed into his arms. I saw Chase start to cry as he heard the distress in my voice. I bawled as I heard violent gagging reflexes. Oh God, why couldn't she open the door!

"Is she okay?" AJ asked urgently as it became quiet in the bathroom. Panic siezed my heart as Chase continued to cry. I turned back to AJ about to answer, then the door opened.

"STAZZIE! Are you alright?!" I asked as she had a washcloth resting on her sweating forehead. She looked so worn and her dull green eyes were full of pain.

AJ placed Chase down and wrapped his arms around Nastasia. I felt frozen as she stared at me and AJ, she looked like she might cry again.

"Stazzie Sweetie, you all right? I mean, you look like shit." AJ whispered as he kissed the top of her frazzled hair.

"I'm fine, I just have the flu." She lied as she looked away from him. I saw AJ frown as she broke their hug. He knew there was something else wrong, but he couldn't put his finger on it. At least I knew what it was.

"Did I hurtd Aunt Stazzie?" Chase asked as he began to cry again. Nastasia walked over to Chase and knealed down as best as she could. She looked in terrible pain, but managed to smile at Chase.

"Chazzie, you didn't hurt me. Aunt Stazzie just has a boo boo. It'll be all better real soon." Nastasia cooed as Chase pratically jumped into her open arms. She hugged him tightly as he kissed her softly.

"I think Aunt Stazzie needs some sleep..." AJ yawned as he stood and stretched, I could see the funny look in his eyes, not really sure on what to do about Nastasia.

"Me too." I agreed, hoping AJ would leave soon.

"Come on Chazzie, time for bed." AJ yawned, Chase looked at his father, his brown eyes sparking. I could tell this would be an ugly fight.

"NO! Me stay wid me Aunt Stazzie!" Chase whined.

"Chase, Stazzie is sleeping in a bed that's too small for three people tonight. Plus Howie won't want you there with him and her anyway. He likes to keep Nastasia all to himself."

I saw Nastasia wince.

"ME STAY WID AUNT STAZZIE!" Chase wailed.

"Chase Alexander!" AJ moaned.

"I'll take him...he'll be...fine..." Nastasia answered softly. Somehow I knew she wouldn't be sleeping with Howie tonight.

"You sure?"

"Yes..." Nastasia lied.

"All right..." AJ answered as he leaned and kissed Chase goodnight. "Night Stazzie."

"Night JJ..." She answered softly, her eyes dulling even more. Gosh I wish they would sparkle like they used to before.

"Night Lauren." AJ answered with a sincere smile as he left. I watched as Chase and Nastasia crawled into my bed. I knew I'd have company tonight, and for awhile...Unless I broke my promise...

Chapter 60:

A day had past and Nastasia was still under the wind and not talking to Howie. It was really effecting him too - we could all see it. Each time he would try to talk to her, she would just push him away and he would become more worried.

We were now in North Carolina and the guys were given a day off. A.J was happy that he would be able to spend the day with his son and his Mom and had invited me to come along with them. I happily agreed. Life was going great now that I was getting along with A.J again.

I hadn't seen much of Nastasia that day, she had been pretty much keeping to herself the whole day. No matter what Howie did, he couldn't seem to get through to Nastasia and it broke his heart. He blamed himself, thinking he had done something extremely wrong, to get Nastasia to hate him. From what I could tell that Nastasia thought, he had...

Howie staggered up to A.J's hotel room and knocked on the door. Chase and I were in his room when he arrived. " Yo! Who is it? " A.J asked.

" It's me, can I come in? " Howie replied.

A.J looked at me, both of us noticing the change in Howie's voice - the depressed sound. It wasn't like him, but we both knew why he sounded like that - Nastasia.

" Yeah, door's unlocked. "

Howie walked in. I gasped, he looked horrible. He must be taking it harder than I had thought. He loved Nastasia and cared about her so much, and this was hurting him majorly.

" You ok D? " A.J asked with concern.

Howie shook his head and slumped down in one of the chairs. All of a sudden I wanted to get out of there, or else all heads would be turned on me for answers and I didn't want to be put on the spot.

" I don't know what I did wrong J, " Howie sobbed. " I don't understand what I did. She won't even talk to me. "

" I don't know. I don't think you did anything wrong. "

" Then why won't she talk to me? "

" I don't know... "

" She's been avoiding me ever since yesterday. God, I just want to know what I did wrong so I can make it up to her. " Howie layed his head in his hands and continued to sob.

I hated seeing him like this, I hated seeing any of my friends like this. I wanted to just burst out what I knew to break the burden that had been placed on Howie, but I had just fixed my friendship with Nastasia and I didn't want to ruin it again, so I kept my mouth shut.

" Lauren, you're her best friend. She'd tell you anything. What is going on with her? Why does she hate me?! "

" She doesn't hate you Howie..." I said, hesitation sounding in my voice. I needed to get out of there before I said something wrong.

" Then why won't she talk to me? "

" I don't know... " I lied, feeling truely horrible about doing it, knowing it was only hurting him more.

" Lauren, promise me you'll find out. This is killing me, " Howie pleaded with sad eyes as he stood and walked to the door.

" Ok, I promise... " I muttered looking at the ground, the sadness moving to my eyes.

" You know something, don't you? " A.J pressed as soon as Howie had walked out the door.

I looked up at him surprised. " What? "

" Lauren, I can see it in your eyes. You know something... "

*****

Howie wandered down the halls, racking his brain of any possible explanations of what could be going on with Nastasia, only coming up empty handed.

He just reached his room when he saw her coming down the end of the hall. " Stazzie! We need to talk! " he called out to her, but was dismayed when she turned around and began walking in the other direction. " Damnit Stazzie! Wait up! " He began chasing after her and when he caught up to her, he spun her around.

" Let go of me Howie! " Nastasia yelled as she struggled to get from his gentle grasp.

" Why are you doing this to me Stazzie? What did I do? "

Tears began to form in Nastasia's eyes. " Get away from me! Let go! " she screamed as she struggled.

" But Stazzie - "

Nastasia broke from his grip, pushing him backwards and ran down the hall.

Howie collapsed to the ground in complete despair and leaned against the wall as he sobbed, wondering if she would ever come back...

Chapter 61:

Howie walked slowly into his empty room. It was dim and lonely. Nastasia had pretty much moved into Lauren's room, or AJ's when she got desperate. All she did was keep her clothing in here and waited till he was out of the room. Then she came in and did her buisness, then left.

Howie's heart ached as he walked slowly into the bathroom. He saw some of her left over hair products and things lying on the counter. He held a bottle of her shampoo and sniffed it, the aroma of roses permeated the air.

Howie felt himself falling into a black hole. He fell to the floor in agony as he let the sobs over take his senses. Tears streamed down his face as he looked around him. Nothing but her things. Not the real thing. Not her. Just her stuff.

As Howie became more depressed he noticed a box in the trash can. He wiped back his tears forcefully as he retrieved the box from the can. His dull eyes scanned the box as he read it aloud, "Pregnancy Test?"

Howie's heart pounded as he thought about Nastasia's behavior the past few days. He found his hands shaking violently the box gently, out came spilling the test...

*****

"Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" Chase squealed loudly. I laughed as I tickled him harder. We were still in AJ's room, wrestling around on the bed. I had been having a great day, well, until Howie showed up...

My heart ached, Nastasia still hadn't really opened up to me at all. She seemed to clamp herself shut even tighter. I didn't know what to do, and AJ knew that I knew something. God, I wished I could tell, but I promised Nastasia.

"CHASE! I'LL SAVE YOU!" AJ cried as he tackled me and threw me playfully to the floor where all the pillows ended up anyway.

"AJ!! Let me go!!!" I squealed as he pinned my arms down. Chase began to cheer his father on as AJ pinned me tighter. Chase watched as we became silent. Our heads leaned closer, then closer.

"AJ LET ME IN NOW!!!!!" We heard a voice yell. Both of us jumped off the floor and threw the pillows on the bed. I knew that voice, but I couldn't imagine what lay ahead for me this time.

"Hey D! Find Stazzie?" AJ asked as Howie stormed into the room. His eyes were a firey black, I hesitated...what was he holding in his hand?

"Stazzie pushed me away again. She won't even look at me!" Howie hissed as he stared directly at me. My heart beat faster as Chase jumped into my arms. Sensing my fear.

"What's up with her?" AJ asked as he noticed what Howie was holding in his hand. He couldn't quite make out the print, but frowned at what it might be.

"I think we should ask Lauren!" Howie answered.

"M-M-Me? Why?" I asked, trying to aviod both boys' eyes. I knew this wasn't going well. I could see something had happened, and I knew I was in the line of fire.

"What the HELL is Stazzie doing with one of these?!" Howie finally hissed as he held up the box in plain view. I gasped as I fell onto the bed. AJ stared at it for a moment, then his eyes popped open. She must of tested again, damnit.

"Isn't that a..." AJ couldn't find the words.

"A Pregnacy test!" Howie answered.

"Why?" AJ asked looking at me quizically.

"You knew didn't you?" Howie asked, staring right at me. The anger seithing through both of them. I found myself in another trap. How could I get out?

Chapter 62:

Why did things like this always happen to me? I was just trying to help my best friend, and now it seems as if I've only made things worse...

Howie glared at me, the fire burning in his eyes - his cold hard stare piercing into my soul. I looked at A.J for help, but knew I would recieve none. He looked as surprised as Howie, the only difference being he didn't hold the same anger in his eyes as Howie did.

" Goddamnit Lauren! You knew the whole time and you sat there and lied to my face! " Howie shouted with an anger so fierce that it scared me. His eyes showed betrayel deep within as the tears threatened to spill.

" Howie, I'm sorry! " I whimpered, feeling deep regret for ever promising to keep the secret.

" I can't believe you Lauren... " Howie hissed and stormed from the room, leaving me in shame.

A.J went to say something, but I put my hand up to silence him. " Don't even start, " I sighed and buried my face in my hands.

*****

Howie's heart pounded as he made his way down the hall, still gripping the small box in his hand. He felt hurt and betrayed even more, now that he knew. How could this of happened? He wanted to deny it, even though he knew the truth, he just didn't want to face it. This wasn't supposed to happen...

He slammed into his room and threw the box against the wall in rage with much force and collapsed onto the bed and sobbed with his head in his hands. He had so many mixed emotions running through him, it was making his head spin.

" Goddamnit Stazzie! Why didn't you just tell me?! " he said outloud as he shook his head. Why didn't she tell him? Why did he have to find out like this?

*****

" Lauren, why didn't you tell me? " A.J asked for what seemed like the thousandth time. He wasn't angry with me, but confused and surprised...

" I promised Staz... " I whimpered as I looked away, watching Chase as he sat on the floor and played with one of his toys.

" But still, it wasn't fair to Howie, and really Lauren, it wasn't fair to her. You should have told me, or you really should have told Howie, " A.J replied, sitting next to me on the bed.

" I didn't want to ruin our friendship again! I already ruined it once, I didn't want to ruin it again! " I felt horrible enough as it was, I didn't need to be hearing this.

" It wouldn't have - "

" You don't know! You weren't there Alex! " I watched as confusion clouded his eyes, but I was too far lost in thought to worry about it. " You weren't there when I needed you! You didn't care! You weren't there for me! I know what she's going through! I went through the same thing! " Images and memories, horrible ones of the past, flashed through out my mind - seeing the test was positive, trying to make contact with him, going through the pregnancy without him, giving birth to his son and him not being there.

" Lauren... "

" No Alex! You weren't there! You don't know... " I sobbed.

" Lauren, I'm...I'm sorry... " A.J said, barely above a whisper as he took me into his arms. He never realized how much pain he had caused...

I sat there in his arms silently, letting the anger flow through me like a river. " You just weren't there, Alex. You don't know... " I whispered, gazing up into his gentle eyes.

" I should never have let you go, Lauren. I was a fool for ever letting you go, " A.J said as regret washed over him. I could tell he sincerely regretted it, it gave me comfort. " I'm not gonna make that mistake again... "

Chapter 63:

That night AJ had me spend the night in his room. We slept side by side with Chase cuddling between us. He told me we would take it slow, and he would always be there.

A feeling of comfort had washed over me that night as I watched AJ and Chase sleep. They were so much alike, Chase even noticed. He was a bright kid, I loved him so...

Then my mind flashed back to Nastasia. She would be having a child soon. Would she love her child as much as I loved mine? My heart started to pound as I thought about it. So many things had happened in her life, why did this have to happen to her too?

*********

The next day Howie had managed to pull himself out of bed. He looked down at the floor to see the pregnacy test laying on the floor. A whirlwind of emotions hit him, causing another set of sobs to flood his body.

He didn't know what to do.. He sat there, stunned. His girlfriend was currently pregnant with his child, and she wouldn't talk to him. Nothing he could do made it seem better.

He knew he had to talk with Nastasia sometime. And he forced himself to get dressed and ready for rehersal. He knew today was the day. Today he would make Nastasia talk to him. Although right now the tears stopped him from finding her.

********

"CHASE! COME HERE!" AJ yelled loudly as we watched Chase zoom up onstage with Brian and Howie. I watched as Chase jumped into Brian's awaiting arms. AJ laughed as he pulled me onstage.

I saw Howie glare at me. The anger reflecting in his dark eyes. I knew he was still upset with me, which also hurt me. That and I had no clue where Nastasia was at the moment.

I had woke up this morning and walked to my room to see if she was still in there. But I didn't find a thing. The bed was made just like the night before. Chase's clothing folded on the bed, not moved at all. Fear gripped my heart at that moment, I had no clue where she could of been...

"B-wok! Wha-tup?" Chase gurgled at Brian as AJ laughed. I chuckled softly, but very awkwardly as Howie kept his angery eyes glued on me.

"Nothing much there Chasers! I was just waiting for Nick and Nastasia to show up. We were going to show him some moves." Brian laughed, the name stung at both my, AJ, and Howie's hearts. We all winced, which made Brian confused.

"Aunt Stazzie be herd?" Chase asked.

"Um...I thought she would be..." Brian answered as he looked to me, then AJ, then finally Howie. "Won't she?"

"I don't know...ask Lauren, she hides all of Nastasia's secrets in the first place. Maybe she has a damn agenda for Nastasia too." Howie spat out at me, which stung. I had to admit it hurt. AJ just stood there, silent. Chase watched with confusion.

"Look Howie...I only kept it from you because she told me too. And just for your information she didn't sleep in my room last night. She wasn't at the damn hotel last night. So, somehow I think you screwed it up again!" I found myself firing back in self-defense. I saw Howie's eyes flicker with intense heat.

"What are you saying?!" He asked me, his voice cracking with the emotion we were both dealing with.

"I'm saying you can't keep your damn pants up and that's why she's acting like this! You can't even handle using protection like she always preached! You act just like her damn father, no WONDER she's mad at you!" I found myself spewing out. I didn't even understand the words flowing out of my mouth. I was so angery at the moment.

Howie winced as he backed up a bit, "You're such a..."

But he never finished, he just stomped away. Muttering some foul spanish words. I couldn't understand them, but I knew they were foul.

"That was a little harsh..." Brian whispered as Chase jumped into his father's arms. Brian didn't even know anything that was going on at the moment. AJ stood there, silent. He didn't seem to understand either.

"But..." I tried to cover.

"It's dall righd Mommy! Aunt Stazzie kiss boo-boos awad." Chase answered as his brown eyes sparkled with tears. He was so scared at the moment, he hadn't gone without speaking to Nastasia for more than a day. He could pick up the signals that we were all sending out. And, I hoped that Nastasia would come back, and maybe she could kiss all the boo-boos away.

************

Howie kept walking back and out the doors of the arena. The warmth blasted down from the sun's rays, but Howie didn't care. He felt so cold inside now. So cold.

"God Damnit..." He heard someone curse softly. Howie looked up to see his girlfriend turning from the direction she was walking.

"STAZZIE!!! WAIT UP!!!" Howie yelled loudly as Nastasia started to jog down the street. Howie didn't care about people at that point. He started to run, knowing he would be able to catch up with her. It was now or never.

"LEAVE ME BE!!!" Nastasia screamed as Howie finally caught up with her and pulled her back to the arena. He found himself struggling as he pushed her into one of the back dressing rooms, her fighting all the way.

"Stop it Stazzie! We need to talk! Now!" Howie yelled as he slammed the only door in the room. He leaned against it as Nastasia collapsed onto the one chair, giving up.

Howie glanced quietly at his girlfriend. She looked like death warmed over. Her usually silky soft hair was tangled and tossed up into a messy bun. Her usually sparkling ocean eyes were a dull lifeless color. She slumped over defeated now, her clothing wrinkled.

"Nastasia, we have to talk." Howie whispered as he went and leaned down to where Nastasia sat. She glanced back at him, her eyes burning into his.

"Talk."

"Lauren told me..." Howie hesitated.

"Told you what?" Nastasia asked, suspision ringing through her soft voice. Her eyes started to burn with anger.

"I...I...I..."

"I what?"

"I know you're pregnant." Howie answered.

Nastasia sat back stunned at the abrupt words that had flew from Howie's lips. She tilted her head and stared at him, unbelieving at first.

"She told you?"

"Y-Y-Yes..."

"God Damnit!" Nastasia cursed as she stood up from the couch. She saw Howie jump up as she made her move to the door. He looked like a scared rabbit, Nastasia felt so betrayed.

"Why...Why didn't y-you tell me?" He asked.

"I'm pregnant Howie. I'm pregnant with your damn kid! Is that what you want to hear? Hey Howie! Guess what? I'M PREGNANT!!!!" Nastasia spit back at him, "I know you don't want the damn kid, and you know what? Neither do I. So, leave me be and leave it be. I'll have it taken care of... Damn, I'll have AJ jump on my stomach...maybe he'll kill me and the baby. Happy now Howie? I fucking hope so!"

Howie never had a chance to reply from Nastasia's outburst. She was out of the room and slammed the door in front of him. Howie sat back down on the couch, shock written on his face. He looked down at the ground, sobs beginning to control his body once again.

Chapter 64:

Nastasia never showed up for the show that night. I hadn't talked to her all day and I was worried sick. Something just was not right. This was not like her. Why was she keeping herself away from us? She needed the help and she knew it. She even wanted the help, but she was keeping herself away from what she so desperately needed.

I hated the way she was doing this. Howie was a complete wreck the rest of the day. He wouldn't talk to anyone. None of us knew what was going through his mind.The performance he gave was far from his best. He stumbled alot and often seemed zoned out. He had no energy - he seemed lifeless. I felt horrible. If only I had told him when I had found out, than maybe it wouldn't be this bad.

*****

" Yo D! Man, open up! " A.J called as he banged on Howie's hotel room door. He had booked it from the arena right after the show, back to the hotel before A.J had even had a chance to confront him. " C'mon D! Open up man! "

He heard a small comotion in the room and the door slowly opened, Howie
appearing in the doorway. He didn't speak to A.J only stared at him, hurt showing in his every move. He looked in no mood to talk.

" Um, can I come in? " A.J asked hesitantly, worried about his friend's
reaction if he spoke anything too suddenly.

Howie nodded slightly, almost unoticable. A.J walked into the room and had to allow his eyes to focus to the dimly lit room. " A little dark in here, ain't it? " he joked. Howie just grumbled. A.J sighed and sat down in the chair against the far wall. " I know your pissed right now, and I don't blame you. I know this hard, but it will work out. "

" How could you be the one to preach? You don't know how I feel and you
don't know what I'm going through! " Howie spat, his voice emotion filled and shakey.

" That's not true man...I know exactly what you're going through, " A.J
replied, thinking of how he had acted when he found out about Chase. He knew exactly what Howie was going through. " I was pissed man, damn pissed when I found out about Chase. Mostly for the part that it hurt I didn't know about him all this time. You're pissed at Stazzie because she didn't tell you, I know how you feel. " He paused and waited for Howie to say something, but realized he wasn't going to. " Listen D, I've never been very good at giving advice, but hear me out. It might be hard for you right now, but think of how hard this is for Stazzie. She needs you, D. You need to be there for her, because you are stuck in this together. "

Tears welled up in Howie's eyes as he sat there in silence listening to
A.J's words and letting them sink in. " She...she doesn't want...it... " he said shakily.

" What do you mean? "

" The baby. She doesn't want the baby... " Howie whimpered, as the tears began rolling down his cheeks.

" She can't be serious man. She's probably just - "

" No, she's fucking serious! She doesn't want it! She wants to kill it,
damnit! " Howie shouted with pure anger.

A.J was shocked at the words that came out of Howie's mouth. Nastasia
couldn't of possibly wanted to do that. He was basically speechless. " No man...no, she doesn't...she doesn't mean that... "

" She doesn't think that I want it so she said she didn't want it either. She wants to kill it A.J! Damnit, how could she want to? " He began to sob uncontrobally as he slid to the floor next to the bed, with his head in his hands. " She can't do that, she can't...no...no...no... "

" Shit D, calm down man... " A.J whispered as he rushed over to his friend.

" Don't let her do it. Please, God don't let her do it... "

" It's gonna be ok D, it's gonna be ok... "

*****

" Whed Daddy come back? " Chase asked tiredly as I tucked him under the
covers.

" He'll be back soon, sweetie. He just went to go talk to Howie, " I
answered as I kissed my son's forehead.

" Aunt Stazzie be hered 'morrow? "

" Yes sweetie, she will be, " I answered. I didn't know though. I hadn't talk to her the whole day. Where could she be? " Go to sleep now. We've got a big day ahead of us tomorrow. " We would be leaving to head towards our next destination, Virginia.

As I sat there and watched Chase fall asleep, I heard a sudden knock on the door. It couldn't be A.J, I thought. Because he had just left to go talk to Howie just a few minutes before. Could it be Nastasia?

I walked over to the door, taking a deep breath before opening it and felt an enormous wave of relief wash over me when I saw the tired figure of Nastasia standing in front of me. " Nastasia! My god, where have you been?! "

" Oh, I thought A.J would be here. Sorry for bothering you, " she said
smuggly and turned around to walk away, totally ignoring my question.

I walked out the door and shut it, so I could talk to her without waking Chase.

" Damnit Stazzie, what is going on with you? "

" Why should I tell you? "

" What? "

" You told Howie! You promised you wouldn't tell him and you broke that promise! Why should I tell you anything? "

" He found the pregnancy test in the trash, Stazzie. He got pissed at me because I DIDN'T tell him! What did you expect me to say when he basically shoved the test in my face? Deny it like you try to? Damnit Stazzie! This isn't going to go away! "

" I don't want the child! I don't want it to live and I don't want to live! "

My heart practically stopped when she said that. I couldn't believe that the words had actually come out of her mouth. " No Stazzie, you don't mean that! "

" I don't want to be stuck with it! I don't want to live! "

I watched in sadness as the tears started flowing from my best friend's eyes. I felt my own eyes start to water. I watched as she collapsed to the ground, crying. I fell with her and brought her into my arms. I know you don't mean that, I know you don't. "

" I don't want to live, Laurie. I don't want to live. " Nastasia sobbed as I rocked her in my arms.

Chapter 65:

Nastasia continued to sob on the floor. I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly. She was so frail, she probably hadn't been eating much. Or maybe nothing at all. Her usually bright ocean green eyes were dulled away with hurt and sorrow.

"Stazzie, c'mon, you don't want that baby to die do you?" I asked her softly, she had never been 'in' for abortion. She despised it. I was in total shock when she spat those words at me.

"Y-Y-Yes I d-d-do." She sniffed as she pushed me away, although I didn't budge. Her tired body couldn't push me away, not now.

"No you don't...You can't..." I whispered, fighting back the tears that were starting to fall from my eyes.

"I want t-t-to die...I don't w-w-want the b-b-baby...I don't w-want m-me to live either..." She sniffled as she leaned back on the wall, closing her dull eyes, waiting for the tears to wash her problems away.

"Sweetie..." I tried to coax, but she became disoriented. Lack of sleep and eating had screwed her body up more than she realized, she was sick. And somehow, it reminded me of her mother...

"No Lauren! I can't do this...I...I...I'm leaving...I'll go away, leave...G-G-Grab my b-bags...G-G-Go to the abortion clinic...Go away...Then...Then I'll jump off a damn b-b-bridge..." She planned out loud as she struggled to stand up, but she was too weak. She fell to the ground with a large thump, starting to bawl all over again.

"Staz! Come here!" I answered, I grabbed her as she encircled her thin arms around my neck. She hugged back, tightly as I stroked her hair, thinking back when times were easier...

"I don't want it Lauren...Make me go away...Make it go away...Let me die...Please let me die..." Nastasia cried into my shoulder. I didn't know what I could do, I wasn't going to let her go through with her plans, all I could do was hold her.

********

"Lauren?" A heard a voice call for me, it seemed like it had been forever. Nastasia was still bawling in my arms. My head snapped up in surprise, only to look at a confused Denise.

"Hey Denise!" I called shakily as Nastasia tore her frail body from mine. Denise looked at Nastasia and frowned.

"Are you all right Nastasia?" She asked, concern flooding her warm brown eyes. Nastasia faked a smile, boy was it a fake one.

"I'm f-f-fine mom..." She whispered as she stood up, she must of been dizzy because she rested on the wall. I could tell the baby was giving her one hell of a fight, it wanted her to live, and to be born.

"You're lying so bad sweetie. You were terrible at practice, you weren't at the show, you've disappeared into thin air...Alex is so worried about you dear..." Denise whispered.

"Mom?!" I heard another voice call, the raspy one that filled my heart every night. I saw Nastasia's head jerk fast. She and I looked to see Howie and AJ walking towards us. She looked cornered.

"I...I...I...gotta...puke..." Nastasia whispered as Howie stared at her, not once moving his eyes away. She stood there, frozen.

"Nastasia! Don't move an inch!" AJ barked as soon as he saw what Howie was staring at. Nastasia glanced back at him and sighed, tears rushing down her cheeks as she turned to move and run.

But she never made it. She collapsed in a bundle on the floor, crying and whimpering. She felt so dizzy, I could see the worry in her eyes. She was terrified.

I felt my heart begin to race with her's as AJ scooped her off the floor and carried her into my room, following him was me, Denise, and Howie. Time for a huge pow-wow.

Chapter 66:

AJ tossed Nastasia onto my bed gently. She began to shake violently as we all sat in available chairs around her. Howie just stared at her as he sat down, life had no meaning to him right now. And, that's what Nastasia could see in his eyes.

"Okay, we're all going to sit here and talk. Because I know everyone has something on their minds and we're solving it today." AJ ordered as Denise glanced at her son with confusion.

"Wait...Alex what's going on..." Denise asked as she stared back at Nastasia, who looked to her 'mother' and winced.

"Nastasia's pregnant." Howie whispered as Denise's eyes popped open. AJ looked to the floor with remorse as I stared at the wall, avioding contact with Denise's eyes.

"You mean...all the sickness...and sleeping...and anger... Because...Oh my...Stazzie, how?" Denise whispered, surprise written all over her face. I winced, what a way for a 'mother' to find out.

"Howie's fault." Nastasia mumbled coldly. Howie's eyes snapped up as Denise winced. AJ looked surprised as everyone averted their attention to Nastasia.

"How can it just be MY fault Staz? Explain this to me...I'd like to know." Howie snapped.

"Because, you and..." Nastasia started to flare...

"SHUTUP STAZ! THAT'S BULLSHIT AND YOU KNOW IT!!!" Howie yelled loudly as he stood up, fear was etched in Nastasia's eyes as Howie neared her.

"You really want to hit me?! God you do! Do it Howie! Go ahead! Kill me! Kill me! Kill your baby inside me! You sure as HELL don't want it anyway! HIT ME AND GET IT OVER WITH!" Nastasia yelled back, tears burning her eyes.

He reached his arm back, sobbing like a child.

"WOOOAH! WAIT!" AJ screamed as he jumped across to hold Howie back, who stuggled under AJ's small weight. "Come on, not this way...we don't want to kill Stazzie while we're here."

"Please, do me a favor..." Nastasia whimpered as she bowed her head down. I winced myself as Chase started to become awake. He looked around at everyone in the room and smiled brightly. His curly hair a mess of tangles, and his rumpled Backstreet t-shirt and a pair of 'boxers'. He looked adorable.

"Pardie for Chazzie?" Chase asked adorably as Howie pushed AJ away. Chase looked around and saw his Aunt Stazzie. He squealed as he ran and jumped into her arms, "Me missd Aunt Stazzie!"

"Hey Chazzie." Nastasia whimpered as she hugged him back, her tears falling down her pale cheeks. She looked into Chase's dark eyes and realized something, he loved her...

"Hey Chase! Grammy's got some icecream down in her room. She was waiting for you to wake up! How bout me, you, grammy, and mommy go get some?" AJ asked as Chase hugged onto Nastasia tightly.

"Me want me Aunt Staz, no daddy." Chase replied, his stubborness streaking at a terrible time. I tried not to laugh at the cuteness Chase brought into my heart. I thanked God every day for him, why couldn't Nastasia be liked that.

"Come on Chase. Grammy has a present too." Denise chuckled as Chase looked from his grandmother, then to Nastasia.

"Aunt Staz sleep wid me todight?" Chase asked as his brown eyes twinkled with hope and warmth. Nastasia titled her head and smiled, one of the first true smiles she had in awhile.

"Sure babydoll. I'll be there tonight..." She whispered softly to him. Chase nodded thoughtfully as he kissed her cheek and jumped into Denise's arms. At least I knew I wouldn't have to worry about her suicide attempt tonight, which was a little helper.

"Stazzie, just talk with Howie. Please? That's all we ask." AJ whispered to her as I waited at the door. Denise had already taken Chase out.

Nastasia looked up at AJ and gave him a childlike nod. He gave her a smile as he kissed her cheek affectionantly and reached for my hand. I grabbed it as we left, hoping something of a miracle would happen.

***********

"How could you say I was the fault of this baby?" Howie asked as soon as AJ and Lauren left. He didn't waste any time as he pointed to Nastasia's slim stomach. She looked up, hurt coarsing through her eyes.

"You didn't use protection...God, how many times did...Did...God that isn't the point..." Nastasia whimpered as she fell back onto the bed, tears springing out of her already swollen eyes.

"Then what is the point?" Howie asked softly as he made his move to sit on the bed beside her. For once she didn't push him away. She just stared at him for a moment, abosorbing the hurt in his eyes.

"God...the point is that I want to die...I don't want the hassles of this...I just don't want to live anymore. My dad was right...all I am is trash..." Nastasia whispered as she turned her gaze up to the ceiling. Howie turned away for a moment, tears streaming down his face.

Nastasia had given up all hopes at the moment. She didn't want to live, or fight. Usually she was so happy and content, but now... Nothing, Nothing was passioned in her eyes. Howie thought to himself, 'Did I do it?'

"I'll go get the a-a-abortion...I promise. Tomorrow, I'll do it...Then I'll leave and go commit suicide...I don't want to live anymore..." Nastasia repeated as Howie turned back to her, his cold brown eyes staring directly into hers.

"Nastasia, you haven't listened to a word I've said. You haven't even talked to me about the baby, only about what you think I want..." Howie whimpered.

"And what DO you want Howie?" Nastasia replied turning over on her side, her eyes softening a bit as his warmed a little. She was still crying, Howie wanted to reach out and wipe the tears away.

But didn't.

"I want the baby, and you, why can't you see that?"

Chapter 67:

Nastasia stared back at Howie, not really understanding the words that had been muttered from his lips. His eyes were dark and warming. A part of her wanted to reach out and hold him tightly, make him forget, another wanted to just get it over with and shut her lights out. She stared back at him blankly, "What'd you say?".

" I said I want the baby, I always have Stazzie. I always have... " Howie choked as he stared into her dull eyes. He wanted so much to just reach out and hold her, but he was afraid how she would react.

"But...I...." Nastasia looked away for a moment, tears stinging her eyes. She wiped them away pitifully, she wasn't allowed to cry, she wasn't allowed.

" But you what? " Howie asked slowly, swallowing in a gulp of air.

"I'm...I'm so confused...I can't...I can't...." Nastasia found herself rambling. She scooted off the bed and fell limply to the floor. She brought her legs up and hugged them tight, slowly rocking herself like she used to when her father was in a drunken rage...Trying to find her...

Howie's heart shattered into a millon pieces right before his eyes. He slid off the bed and sat next her. He just wanted to comfort her, hold her in his arms again and make everything right. " Please don't do this to yourself Stazzie, please... "

"How can I not..I'm...I'm...I'm fine..." She whispered as she rocked herself back and forth, "I'll be fine...fine...fine..."

Howie shook his head sadly. " No Stazzie, look at yourself. Don't do this to yourself...baby, I love you so much and it kills me to see you doing this... "

"Do...Doing what?" Nastasia sniffled as she brought her hands back up to her eyes and rubbed them, stupid tears.

" You're hurting yourself and you don't even realize it. Baby, it kills me to see you do this! " Howie whimpered.

" I'm...I'm sorry. "

" Please don't do this to us...to the baby, " Howie whispered, breaking up on the last words as he began to sob harder.

"Howie...Don't...Oh God don't cry..." Nastasia whimpered, she reached out to him and placed her arms around him as she began to cry too, "I don't want to hurt you...but god...you can't tell...you don't...you don't want the baby... "

Thoses words broke him apart. Why wouldn't she believe him? There had never been a moment when he didn't want the baby. " Stazzie, that's not true. I've always wanted the baby, why can't you just see that? " he asked, wrapping his gentle arms around her frail body.

"Because...you were....about to hit...me...how...how could you want something that is a part...of...me...of trash..." Nastasia asked as she accepted Howie's warm embrace. She thought back to all the times where she found her father's sharp hit...then Howie's gentle embrace...She quivered.

" Don't say that baby, you're not trash. You're the most important thing in my life. I can't live without you. Damn your father for saying that to you because you are far more precious then anything I have ever known. You are what keeps me going, baby. You are. " He held her closer, never letting go.

Howie felt Nastasia lean all her body weight against him as he held her close to his body. He loved the feel of her in his arms. The sensual smell of roses in her hair.

" You mean everything to me, Stazzie! I don't wanna lose you, " he whispered in her ear. " And please believe me Stazzie, I don't want to lose the baby either. "

Nastasia closed her eyes, relaxing into Howie's arms, her sobs finally coming under control. The sincerity in his voice let her know he was serious and she believed him.

Chapter 68:

Nastasia stared back into Howie's eyes. The pools of brown that showed everything he was feeling. She was so confused right now. She couldn't breathe...

"Howie...y-you...you have to...give me more time..." Nastasia whispered softly as she saw Howie wince again. She looked away, hating to see him in so much pain.

"Give you time? For what?" He asked.

"To...To sort things out..."

"Like what?" Howie whispered as Nastasia stood up. She still felt dizzy, she found herself sitting back on the bed. Not able to keep herself standing.

"Like if I still w-want the baby...I don't...I don't know what to do at the moment...I'm confused...I can't see straight...Give me till tomorrow...I'll tell you on the bus...I promise..." She whispered as she looked away.

"You know I want the baby. And I want you." Howie whispered as he placed a tender kiss on Nastasia's forehead. She bowed her head as he walked out, fear gripping her heart, darkness sinking in.

*******

"Looks like you're kicked out of your bed." I whispered as AJ and I walked back into his room. Chase was behind us.

"Ahhh, that's alright...How many times will I be able to say there was a beautiful woman in my bed?" AJ joked.

"Hopefully not too many!" I laughed.

Nastasia was sleeping on AJ's bed. Her frail body curled in a tight ball, she slept like that for awhile after she got away from her father. It was a sign when she was terribly frightened. Although, she still looked like an angel sleeping there, not stirring a bit.

"AUNT STAZZIE! ME AND DADDY'S BED!!!" Chase hollared loudly as he jumped on the bed. AJ and I winced as Nastasia shot up like lightening.

"CHAZZIE!" She laughed as Chase jumped into her warm embrace. She had dark circles under her eyes, she looked like she hadn't slept in days. I felt horrible.

"Sleep wid Chase todight Aunt Stazzie?" Chase asked excitedly as Nastasia hugged him as tight as she could, afraid she might cry again. I could see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Aunt Stazzie...is sleeping in mommy's room tonight..." Nastasia whispered as AJ gave her a secure smile.

"I don't mind if you crash in here Stazzie." He answered.

"Don't lie...you do too." Nastasia answered as she slid off the bed and attempted to stand up, only falling to the ground. AJ swooped down and helped her up, supporting her as much as he could, encircling his arms around her tiny waist.

"When's the last time you ate? Or slept?" AJ asked, worry etching in his face. I watched Nastasia close her eyes for a moment and think.

"I haven't...had an appetite in days so I haven't ate... Sleeping...I've been afraid to sleep." Nastasia whispered.

"Well, how about you go lay down and I'll grab some icecream for you? Then you can sleep, and sleep, and sleep." AJ asked as Nastasia made a face.

"I'm not hungry JJ."

"Too bad. Mom wants you to eat."

"No JJ."

"What about the baby?" I blurted out. Nastasia glanced at me, hurt reflecting in her dull green eyes.

"I'm NOT hungry." She repeated.

"Chase eat Aunt Stazzie icedream." Chase giggled.

"Okay Chazzie, eat my icedream." She said, offering him a smile.

"Come on, we'll go to bed." I replied softly as I looped my arms around where AJ's had been. He looked at me and offered a smile, he knew I needed it. Chase looked at all the adults, confusion on his face.

"Wherd me sleep todight?" He asked.

"How about with Daddy?" AJ suggested.

"Me want Aunt Stazzie." Chase whimpered.

"But Aunt Stazzie don't feel good. How about you take a nap with her on the bus tomorrow?" AJ asked as I started to walk out the door with Nastasia. I guess Chase agreed, because the door shut slowly behind us.

************

"Feel better?" I asked as Nastasia walked slowly out of the bathroom. She had been sick at first, and went to vomit, but I didn't think anything but fluid came up. Afterwards she jumped in the shower. She needed one to relax.

"I feel wretched." She mumbled as she climbed into my bed and slid under the covers. I watched as she rested her eyes for a moment, breathing slowly.

"What'd Howie say?" I asked after a few moments.

"He wants...He wants it."

"It?"

"The baby." She replied, sort of irritated with my question.

"And what do you want?" I asked.

"I personally want to die."

"But-"

"BUT, Chase needs me right now. No matter how many realitives he has. That's it. And he's the only one who really changed my desision." Nastasia whispered.

Always thinking of others. Never herself. That was my Nastasia.

"Only Chase needs you?"

"Well...JJ, Mom, Nick...God, Nick needs me because he needs help with his dance moves..."

"What about me?"

"Do you?" Nastasia asked me seriously.

Chapter 69:

My heart stopped as I felt Nastasia's eyes penetrate the deepest parts of my heart. She really wanted the answer. She wasn't kidding... How could she be serious?

"Laurie?" Nastasia asked me softly, trying to bring me out of my trance.

" What? " I asked as I shook my head and stared at my friend, coming back to reality and seeing the pair of dull eyes staring back at me.

"Would you miss me?" Nastasia asked again, only refrasing the question.

" I can't believe you would even need to ask that...I would never be able to forgive myself if something ever happened to you, " I answered truefully.

"Honestly? Right hand up?" Nastasia asked, tears springing from her puffy eyes. She looked so frail at the moment.

" Girl scounts honor, " I laughed as a tear escaped from my eye. We had been in the girl scouts together when we were young girls, that's how we had met. And we stayed friends all the way through highschool and beyond. I knew Nastasia had a lot of hard times ahead of her. She was going to need a lot of help and I was gonna make sure I would be there for her every step of the way, like she had been for me.

"I still think you're a dork, you and them braces." Nastasia laughed as she knew just about what I was thinking. She had been the perfect teenager, well, with the looks anyway.

" Thanks alot Stazzie, " I said saracastically, glad I was getting some humor out of her. It was progress...

"Hey, Your buck teeth were cute back then." She whispered, but out of the blue she started to cry. Large sobs rattling her tiny figure.

" Stazzie, what's wrong? " I asked as I brought her into a big hug.

"I hate this...I hate everyone looking at me weird...I hate it..."

" Look at you wierd? What do you mean? "

"Mom, you, JJ, Howie...Don't deny it, and lord knows Bri-Bear and Nicky will know in the morning..." Nastasia sniffled.

" Don't forget kevin, but c'mon, how do they look at you wierd? "

"Like you can't tell." Nastasia snapped suddenly.

" No, actually, I can't. Care to fill me in? "

"They all look at me like...like...like I'm some sort of murderer or something..." Nastasia shivered.

" That's not true Stazzie, " I said, a frown appearing on my face.

"Why'd you frown then? You know it's true...because I am one..." Nastasia answered, closing herself off from me.

" No I don't. I frowned because I'm sick and tired of you saying crap like that, especially when you know none of it's true, " I scorned, not meaning to, I wanted to help her, we all did and then she just closed herself off from everyone.

"Oh, thanks for the help there Lauren. You're so sentimental when you wanna be. You think I didn't get tired of the woe me's when you were pregnant with Chase? God, look, he came out great! And you love him to death..." Nastasia drifted away.

" Why can't you just except the fact that your pregnant and there's nothing you can do to change it?! "

"I could change it damnit!"

" Yeah and then they would look at you like you're a murderer! " I snapped, but instantly regretted. Wrong thing to say...

"Really? Is that what you think? God, I can't even talk with you anymore. I just need one friend damnit, and guess I don't have them anymore either. Thanks Lauren, thanks a lot." Nastasia whispered as tears fell from her dull eyes. She stood up carefully and walked out the door.

" Shit! " I swore as I ran out the door after her. Me and my big mouth. Once again, I just cause more problems. " Stazzie, wait! "

Nastasia turned back around to face me, "What else could there be for you to say to me? You say I need to deal, I try to deal, you throw it back in my face, and then you call me a MURDERER? What ELSE could you WANT to say?"

" Damnit, I'm sorry! I shouldn't of said that, and I'm sorry. "

"Sometimes you can't take back the things you say..." Nastasia answered quietly.

I closed my eyes as I took in a deep breath. " Stazzie, I'm serious. I'm sorry! "

"What do you honestly think about me?"

" What kind of question is that? "

"The kind of question a best friend asks when she's not so sure about what the other friend is seriously thinking about her."

" What are you trying to say? You doubt our friendship? " I asked shakily, my voice coated with hurt. If that wasn't what she was leaning towards, then what was it?

"I don't doubt our friendship...I doubt your thinking..."

" Maybe I've said some wrong things. I'm not doing it to make you feel like dirt, cause you aren't. I just want to be there for you like you were there for me. "

"That's all I needed to hear...." Nastasia whispered softly.

Chapter 70:

Nastasia slept very well that night, she slept in my bed for most of the night, although she was up earlier with morning sickness. I felt bad, even though I helped her. Today was the day though. AJ had filled me in on what Howie had told him. Nastasia would tell him today if she chose to keep the baby or not. And if she still wanted him.

Brian and Nick were bugging me as to what was going on with Nastasia. I knew they were really worried about her, especially Brian. Kevin was completely clueless, although he didn't hassel me for answers as much as Brian and Nick. But I refused to say anything. It was Nastasia's decision to tell them. I didn't want to make another mistake.

I guess everyone's hearts began to race as we all piled into the tourbus. Nick and Brian waited anxiously with me as Howie jumped onto the bus. He looked very worried still, it looked like he hadn't slept again too.

I watched anxiously as Nastasia climbed aboard with Chase in her arms. I smiled, she was smiling at that moment. Chase always brought her bad moods around. Everyone stared at her. "What's all y'alls problem?" she asked.

" I don't have a problem, " Brian hesitantly said, taken aback when Nastasia snapped. Nick chose to stay quiet and walked off to the back of the bus.

"All right then, can I just have a hug?" She asked timidly, her moods like her ocean eyes, taking the wild tides in and out. Changing frequently.

Brian grinned widely at her and took both her and Chase into's his arms for a huge hug.

" B-wok skished me! " Chase said with a funny look.

"Skished you?" Brian asked as Nastasia chuckled a bit. Chase still didn't want out of her arms. I figured he thought she'd disappear again.

" Yeah Bri Bear, you skished him, " Nastasia laughed, letting a genuine smile appear on her face.

"Is that Stazzie laughing up there?" AJ asked as he popped his head out from the back of the bus. Which was the entertainment room. Howie was back there, I guessed AJ was giving him a pep talk. "I was laughing at Bri-Bear. He skished Chazzie." Nastasia laughed as AJ came out. The bus was starting up, which meant everyone better be there.

" You hurt my son, I kick yo' ass Rok! " A.J joked.

"Daddy sweard Aunt Stazzie!" Chase whispered in an amazed tone. Nastasia pretended to be shocked.

"Daddy's not allowed to sweard is he Chazzie?" Nastasia asked.

"NO!!!!"

" Good example setting, J! " Brian laughed.

"He's allowed to swear if he wants!" AJ boasted cooly. I glanced at him, raising one of my dark blonde eyebrows at him in question. "I think Daddy is in trouble " Nastasia laughed.

" Daddy in big twouble! " Chase stated wagging a finger at A.J.

"He gets that from his mother's side of the family." Nastasia chuckled as Brian held onto Chase's finger. She felt a little more lighthearted, that was, until she got to the back with Howie.

After handing Chase over to Brian, Nastasia slowly made her way to the back of the bus. She found Howie gazing at nothing out the window, the same sad look on his face that he had been holding the past few days.

"You alive in there? Or should I come back another time?" Nastasia called softly, hoping to break him out of his dreary thoughts. She didn't know what she could do though.

Howie's head snapped in her direction. " Stazzie! Hey! No, stay, " he said, his face lighting a bit when he realized she was there.

"You sure? You look to be off in your own world, I don't think I have enough money to be there." Nastasia asked as she sat down next to him on the couch. She tried to make their conversation more lighter, but it wasn't happening.

" No, I...I was thinking...about stuff, " Howie said quietly as the bus pulled out of the hotel parking lot.

"Stuff?"

" Yeah, so, how are you feeling? " Howie asked, quickly changing the subject, as the worried showed in his eyes.

"God, I'm sicker than a dog..." She answered, chuckling a bit under her breath, how else was she suppose to handle this, she was uncomfortable.

Howie frowned sadly. " That's not good Stazzie... "

"It's normal....Laurie was in the bathroom from six in the morning till like ten..." Nastasia answered as her voice drifted off.

" No, it's not normal, " Howie said. " It can't be normal. I've heard of women having morning sickness, but you have it really bad. It can't be normal... "

"So I puke up more than what's required, so?"

" I'm saying it's not normal and I'm worried about you. "

"So if it doesn't clear up I'll see a doctor. Gosh, seems like everyone's pmsing around here..." Nastasia replied with a shrug, not really worrying about her condition.

" Maybe that's because we're all worried about you Stazzie... "

"Maybe you guys are worried about the wrong person."

" What do you mean by that? "

"You're the one walking around like a little lost puppy, and you're worried about me?" Nastasia asked, getting a bit defensive.

" That's because I care about you and I'm worried. It comes with being your boyfriend. "

"You still are?"

" At least, that's what I thought. Am I wrong? "

"I don't know...it was all up to you in the first place." Nastasia answered softly, looking away for a moment. She desperatly wanted the tears to stop flowing, she knew she loved Howie. She just didn't know what he wanted.

" How? I tried being there for you and you kept pushing me away. "

"You had no clue what was going on."

" Because you wouldn't let me know... "

"Because I was afraid of your reaction..." Nastasia answered curtly, tired of having to defend her actions.

" We're supposed to share trust for each other. I'm here for you, but why can't you accept that? "

"I can't accept that because I was never shone that." Nastasia answered as she turned away from him, unable to hide her tears of fustration and anger.

" What?! " Howie didn't understand why she had said that. He was always trying to be there for her.

"You think I just came into this world loving and caring. Do you have any idea what my dad used to do? How he treated me? What I had to do just to survive? How can I learn to trust another male when I can't even trust the one who gave me life?" She answered, her back still facing to him, tears rolling.

" Y-you never told me that... " Howie said slowly, surprised at her answer. He never realized how much pain she had suffered through out her life. He had no idea.

"I never told anyone...wait...scratch that...M-M-Mom knew, L-Laurie and JJ," Nastasia answered as she wrapped her arms around her knees and held them tightly, looking for warmth in the freezing room.

" But you never told me? "

"No...the only reason Denise and JJ knew...was because I knew him when we were little...we've always been friends...when I had problems...and things...I went to JJ...or Laur...." Nastasia answered, remembering the horrible nightmares. The screaming. The hitting. The blood. The running...

Howie stared at his girlfriend, speechless. " My god Stazzie... "

"Ask JJ if you don't believe me...Or Lauren...they'll tell you..."

" No, I believe you. "

Nastasia turned around for a moment and stared into Howie's eyes. They looked shocked and scared by what Nastasia had revieled.

"I think you should ask JJ and Laurie...I think somehow you don't believe me. But that's not the point. I came to tell you that I'm keeping the baby, which you're thrilled about. But if you'll excuse me now, the one who helped me with my desision is begging me to read him a story." Nastasia replied with no emotion at all. She stood carefully and wiped her tears away. She gave Howie a quick nod and walked out, before the tears flew away again.

Chapter 71:

When Nastasia came out of the back she was a deathly green. She looked shaken and sick. I watched as she came out, everyone's attentions turned towards her. I couldn't read her face to know whether she was upset or not.

"Hey Stazzie..." AJ greeted softly as Chase jumped from his lap and ran to his aunt.

"Hi JJ." She whispered.

"Aunt Stazzie! Read story dow?" Chase asked her as she reached down and picked him up. I could still see the tears glistening in her eyes.

"Sure, which storybook did you bring for me to read?" Nastasia asked him. He scrambled down from her arms and ran to the backpack AJ was holding. I watched my son pull out his storybook and run back to Nastasia.

"Me like dis one!" Chase exclaimed.

"Which one?" Nastasia asked brightly, although her beautiful eyes shone otherwise.

"Cidrella!!!" Chase laughed, "Cuz me da mousd and Aunt Stazzie Cidrella!"

"Sometimes I wish..." Nastasia smiled as she scooped Chase into her arms and carried him to the front of the bus with the reclining chairs.

********

"What was that about?" Brian whispered as Nastasia disappeared up front. AJ looked at me, a look to tell me to keep my mouth shut.

"Nothing really..." I shrugged as Brian gave me an odd look.

"You lie." Brian answered.

"Fine, something's up. But we can't say at the moment." AJ answered for me, getting me out of the hot seat. Which I was very thankful for at the moment.

"Oh, okay." Brian nodded as he glanced up to see Chase and Nastasia tickling each other. Their laughs ringing throughout the bus, which made me happier. At least she was laughing a little.

"Where's Howie?" Brian asked.

"The backroom." AJ answered sadly.

"Stazzie and D are fighting aren't they?" Nick asked.

"Very much so." I sighed.

"That's so shady!" Brian answered as if he were Eminem. Nick groaned as he pushed Brian off the bench they were sitting in. Brian fell to the floor as the backroom's door opened up.

"J?" Howie called, he looked to have been crying again. I sighed softly, Nastasia must of did something wrong. Hopefully she had decided to keep the baby, I hadn't even been told that much.

"What's up D?" AJ asked.

"Can you and Lauren come in here? I have some questions...stupid questions probably." He whispered. I saw AJ look back at me and nod.

"Nothing you say is stupid Howie." I answered as he and I stood up.

"All right..." Howie nodded as he bowed his head and walked in the room. I could tell something was on his mind. I just hope AJ and I could help him.

Chapter 72:

I followed behind A.J as we stood up and walked the few feet to the back room of the bus. I was worried about what Nastasia had told Howie. He had already been through so much stress, I was beginning to think the same or more then Nastasia.

" Yo D, what up? " A.J asked as we entered into the room.

" Everything has hit the ceiling man, " Howie sighed as he collapsed onto the chair.

" Didn't go well with Stazzie? " A.J asked as he took a seat on the couch. I followed his actions and sat next to him.

Howie looked hurt and shook his head. " I...I don't know. I don't know anymore. I've been trying so hard to be there for her, and she won't accept the fact that I do care. I try over and over to tell her how much I care, but she keeps pushing me away. "

" What did she say to you just a minute ago? " I spoke up, curious to know what went on. Hoping she hadn't told him what I feared she would...

" I asked why she couldn't accept the fact that I'm here for her and then she went on about how her father used to...geez, I don't even want to say it. She never told me before, I never knew the pain that was bestowed upon her, " Howie answered quietly as he stared at the ground.
I looked at A.J as he looked back at me. " She said she couldn't accept me being there for her, because she was never shown it, by her father. She said how can she trust another man when she can't even trust the one that gave her life? How do you think that makes me feel to think I can't even get my own girlfriend to trust me because of the way her asshole of a father treated her when she was young. "

" D, just give her time. Like I said earlier, she's going through a hard time, you need to just keep proving to her that you are truely there for her and eventually she'll open her eyes and see that you will always be there for her, " A.J said, the words flowing from his lips like he had practiced them for hours. I had never known him to be the one to be an expert on giving advice, especially in a time like this...

" I've tried everything. Damnit J, I love Stazzie with all my heart and soul! She means the world to me and I don't want to lose her. Right now, I feel like she's floating farther and farther away from me and if I don't act soon, I'll lose her forever, " Howie whimpered as tears sprung to his eyes.

I felt my heart go out to him in remoarse. I had never seen him act like this before. I just sat there, not knowing what to say to him.

" D, man, you're not gonna lose her, " A.J said. " That's not gonna happen. "

" Then what can I do to get her to trust me again? Like I thought she used to? "

" Just be there for her, that's what she wants and needs, " A.J replied.

Howie nodded slightly and I guess that's all that was going to be said because A.J stood up and patted Howie on the shoulder. I gave Howie a sad smile and embraced him in a loving hug, knowing he needed it. " She still loves you too Howie, " I whispered and walked out of the room with A.J.

We reached the middle part of the bus where Brian and Nick were now engaged in an arm wrestle match. I laughed at the redness in both their faces.

*****

A.J watched as Lauren laughed at the two young men in front of them. She was so beautiful, everything about her, he loved. How could he have ever been so stupid as to let her go? He couldn't let that happen again. He couldn't make the same mistake.

*****

I was just about to sit down next to Brian when A.J grabbed my arm and spun me around to face him. I looked at him with surprise written all over my face and was about to say something to him when he pulled me in closer and our lips met in a kiss, one we hadn't shared with each other in such a long time.

Chapter 73:

I snapped back in surprise as we broke the kiss. AJ's eyes were bright and firey, but not an upset type of firey, a happy passionate firey.

"WOW!" Chase yelled loudly from the front of the bus. Nastasia's eyes were on us too. Everyone was staring at us, even Denise had stopped reading her magazine to watch.

"Why?" I asked, still breathless from the kiss he had laid on my lips. My eyes were sparkling with excitment as the adrenaline rushed through me.

"Because I love you." AJ answered seriously.

"When? How? Huh?" I asked, feeling stupid as Nastasia covered a laugh with her hand. I knew she was going to razz me later about it.

"I was thinking when I was talking to D... He lost Stazzie and he never wanted to right? Then I lost you once, and I had Amanda. But ever since than I always kept thinking about you. I wanted to dial up your number, but then I'd get fustrated. Stazzie would know..." AJ started.

"Wait..." I answered breathlessly.

"No, listen! Then all of a sudden what Howie was saying clicked. I LOVE you Lauren. And I want to wake up with you each morning, go to sleep each night, knowing that I'll always have you." AJ answered as he rambled, letting go of all his jumbled thoughts.

"AJ..." I whispered.

"Take me back, I was a fool. I love you so much Lauren. Please?" AJ asked me as he held me by the shoulders. His voice pleading with me.

"KISS HIM LAURIE!!!!" Nastasia yelled from the front of the bus. She gave a little whoop as Chase clapped. The sparkle returning to her eyes a bit.

"KISS DADDY, MOMMY!!!!" Chase yelled after Nastasia had yelled.

"Kiss me Lauren." AJ urged.

I leaned in and kissed him. Eagerly, he accepted my kiss and kissed back. Locking our lips in a spellbinding kiss, fireworks shooting through my body like lightening.

Then, everyone clapped.

Chapter 74:

I stared into A.J's eyes as we pulled away from the kiss. They were filled with a passion that I had almost forgot. I didn't know what to say as I just stood there and tried to gain back some of my composure.

" What's goin' on? " Kevin grumbled as he appeared from the bunk area. We could tell he had been sleeping and was just woken up. He didn't look too happy...

" J and Laurie were sucking face, " Nick laughed. Brian smacked him upside the head as my face turned bright red. " What was that for?! "

" You and your immature attitude, " Brian replied and smacked him again.

" Damn, I'm so abused, " Nick pretended to whine as he rubbed his head.

" Well, if you don't zip it, you're gonna get more than a smack upside the head, " Kevin grumbled.

" In other words, someone's gonna open a can of whoop ass on ya, " Brian laughed.

" That goes for you too Brian, " Kevin growled. " I'm going back to bed. "

" Someone's grumpy, " Brian said once Kevin was gone.

" I heard that! "

" Go back to sleep old man! "

" You're gonna pay for that, cuz. Just wait! " Kevin yelled and then was silent.

" He's just talk, " Brian laughed and then him and Nick returned to their unfinished arm wrestle match.

*****

" Did you mean what you said a sec ago? " I asked bringing my attention back to A.J. I don't know what possessed me to ask it, just a feeling I had.

" Yeah, I did, " A.J replied. " I love you Lauren, I always have. I was an idiot for letting you walk out the door that night. I hadn't been able to stop thinking of you once since then. Even when I was with Amanda, I still thought about you. I don't want to lose you again, because I love you too much... " He cupped my face in his hands and his lips met mine, giving a gentle kiss. " Lauren, I love you... "

I offered a kiss back. " I love you too Alex, " I said and smiled. I had him back. After all the years, I was his again and he was mine. And I felt that some how nothing could change that fact...

" Mommy and Daddy wuhve each other! " Chase squealed as he accidently smacked the book from Nastasia's hand.

" Yep! I love your Mommy! " A.J exclaimed and wrapped his arms around my slender waist, resting his chin on my shoulder and giving my neck a kiss.

I leaned against A.J, a smile of love and happiness on my face. Loving the feeling of his arms around me, I inhaled the scent of his cologne, the same cologne that had always been my favorite, now it would always be there.

*****

Howie walked up to the front of the bus and found Nastasia laying on the couch, sleeping, while Chase lay on her legs, his head resting gently on her stomach, sleeping also. He smiled, knowing she was finally getting the sleep she needed. He walked over to her and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

Nastasia stirred in her sleep and her eyes fluttered open. She jumped a little when she saw Howie leaning over her, and tried to sit up, but Howie placed his hand on her shoulder and kept her from sitting up. He didn't want her to wake Chase up.

" It's ok, stay laying, " he said in a quiet voice.

Nastasia didn't protest and leaned back into the couch, relaxing again. " What are you doing? "

" Got bored of chillin' in the back of the bus, anyways, J, Laurie, Nick and Brian are back there now and I wanted some peace and quiet. So I came up here to check on you, " Howie replied, lowering himself to the floor. Nastasia smiled. " How are you feeling? "

" Not that great... " Nastasia murmered, letting out a yawn as she closed her eyes.

Howie stared at the ground then looked back up to find Nastasia looking at him. " Do you think we could talk without arguing once? "

Chapter 75:

Nastasia looked back at Howie with surprise on her face. He was so serious at the moment, his eyes darkened with a tainted love. Nastasia looked lost as she stared into his eyes. She just wanted to kiss him.

"Are you being sarcastic?" Nastasia asked as Chase moaned a bit and scooted up closer to Nastasia, hugging her tightly. She sighed a bit as Howie looked down.

"I'm too depressed to be sarcastic." He answered truthfully.

"Howie...don't..." Nastasia sighed as she looked away for a moment. Howie rolled his eyes as he brought her face to his hands. He cupped it gently as she gazed back, panic on her face.

"Why can't you understand that I love you and I want to be with you. I want the baby, I want to start a family. I want to live with you. I want to be with you." Howie asked softly, "You can trust me. Please tell me you still love me? Please. Oh God please?"

"H-H-Howie..." Nastasia whimpered.

"Tell me you love me. Tell me you want the baby." Howie urged. Nastasia's beautiful ocean eyes darted frantically, but locked as Howie's pierced into her soul.

"I...I..."

"Just TELL me."

"I do still love you." Nastasia whispered as Chase stirred again. Nastasia looked down to see Chase's bright eyes staring back at her.

"Wherd mommy and daddy?" Chase asked sleepily.

"They're hanging out in the back baby. You fell asleep." Nastasia cooed softly as she rubbed Chase's bear back. It was hot and AJ had let him run around with no shirt on.

"Aunt Stazzie and Owdie go back doo?" Chase asked as Howie offered him a sweet smile.

"I'll go where you go." Nastasia smiled.

"Play wid pokemon?" Chase asked again, tilting his head to let some of his dark hair spill over his forehead. Nastasia swept it back and laughed.

"Can I be Ponyta?"

"Des!"

"Okay then, we'll play pokemon." Nastasia laughed as Chase wrapped his arms around Nastasia's neck. Nastasia hugged him back and started to think of the child inside her. Would it be the same way? Loving and kind? Sweet and adorable?

"Owdie play too?" Chase asked as he jumped off the couch. Nastasia yawned slightly as she stood up and stretched a bit, her stomach ached and became queezy.

"If Owdie wants to play he can." Nastasia replied, teasing Chase a bit with calling Howie, 'Owdie'. She gave Howie a timid smile, like showing him everything would turn out all right.

"Otay Owdie play too." Chase bubbled, without even asking Howie if he wanted to join. "You be...a....pichu....me be chazad."

"Okay Chase." Howie sighed as Nastasia helped him off the floor. She looked at Howie for a moment and titled her head, letting her blonde hair spill over her shoulder.

"We can not argue later in the hotel ok? Maybe...I'll be more talkitive then. And we'll straighten it out more. All right?" Nastasia whispered as Chase tugged on her arm.

"Deal." Howie whispered as Nastasia was tugged to the back of the bus by Chase. She seemed to actually have a true smile on her face. And, Howie did too.

Chapter 76:

I watched with surprise as Howie and Nastasia played together with Chase. Chasing him and laughing together, teasing each other a bit. I saw a distant look in Nastasia's eyes, I couldn't tell if they were back together, but I hoped.

"Lauren, where's Howie and my Stazzie?" AJ asked as we got into the hotel. I looked around and thought for a moment, it had been an hour or two.

"Yeah, we need to go to practice. And Stazzie is like our choreographer. Although she has to teach Nick the most." Brian whinned to me as Nick punched him.

"Staz says I'm a good dancer." Nick answered grumpily.

"Staz just doesn't want you to sit on her." AJ shot back. I laughed as AJ entertwined my fingers with his. I laughed, the feeling felt so nice. Wow, I had missed him.

"Where are they Lauren!!!" Brian whinned at me again. I rolled my eyes and slapped him playfully with my free hand.

"Go check Howie's room. Maybe they're talking again." I answered with hope in my voice. I wanted them back together so bad. I prayed they would.

"Howie's room? What the hell are they doing in there?" Brian asked with a sigh.

"Making out...oops...I mean up..." Nick snickered. I looked at him surprised as AJ glared at him. We were both sensitive about Howie and Nastasia now. The baby to be exact.

"Stop being immature." AJ hissed.

"Sorry..." Nick frowned.

"Go...go see if they're there." A.J sighed. Nick and Brian nodded as they ran down the hallway, leaving us alone. Finally.

********

"You still tired Stazzie?" Howie asked softly as she fell back onto the bed. Howie sat down beside her as she turned onto her back to look up at him. Her ocean green eyes a bit more brighter.

"I'm all right. I slept a little bit longer than I usually do on the bus..." Nastasia answered with another yawn. Howie smiled softly at her.

"We're not fighting." Howie smiled.

"About time huh?" Nastasia asked softly as Howie rested his hand on her stomach. She looked at him in surprise as he started to rub her stomach.

"I'm so glad you're keeping it."

"Me too... Chase helped me through it I guess. Seeing him made me want the baby..."

"Really?"

"Yes." Nastasia nodded.

"Are you going to live with me when the baby's born? Please. God, I want you two back in my life. Please Staz, that's all I'm asking. We don't have to be boyfriend and girlfriend..." Howie asked her softly.

"What?"

"We could just live together...seperate rooms..." Howie whispered.

"Never." Nastasia laughed.

"What?"

"We're together, no doubt about it." Nastasia laughed as she leaned up and kissed him tenderly. Howie responded to the kiss and returned it more passionantly. Happy to have her back in his life. Finally.

***********

"SHE'S WHAT?!" Nick hissed as he and Brian stood up from the door. Brian looked surprised as he and Nick started to creep away.

"Pregnant you dork. Pregnant." Brian whispered. "We can't tell ANYONE what we heard..."

"Yes we can..." Nick answered.

"What?!" Brian yelled as Nick started to run away.

"GRAB STAZ AND HOWIE! DON'T LET THEM KNOW! I'M LEAVING!"

"NICK! DON'T!" Brian yelled loudly, but it was no use. He was gone.

Chapter 77:

Nastasia and Howie had left at a different time than the rest of us to get to the arena. I was a bit weary of Brian and Nick since they came back from getting Nastasia and Howie. They had amused smiles on their faces. I was just anxious to see if Howie and Nastasia had worked their problems out.

" What's with you guys? " I laughed at Brian and Nick as A.J twirled Chase around up on stage. Some of the dancers had been trying to teach Chase some of the easier dance moves, but it didn't quite work.

" You are never gonna believe what we found out, " Nick blurted out.

" Dude, shut up Nick, " Brian scorned, smacking Nick's shoulder.

" Hey, she has a right to know! " Nick argued.

" Yeah, if Staz decides she wants to tell her. It's none of our business. "

" It is now. Guess what Lauren? "

" I'm gonna beat yo butt Nick if you don't shut up right now, " Brian said, his voice coming out in a strong southern accent, surprising him a bit. He still had a hint of an accent in his voice, but it wasn't as strong as it used to be.

" Oh really? You and your Kentucky Fried Chicken butt couldn't do nothing, " Nick shot back, grinning at his come back. Brian didn't take it so lightly.

"What are you guys arguing about now? " I asked with an amused smile.

" Staz is - " Nick began.

" I'm warning you! "

"Come on, what is the big hush hush?" I asked, surprised I didn't know about it before Nick and Brian. As soon as Nick was about to blurt out the answer Nastasia and Howie came over.

I smiled at them. Howie had his arm protectively wrapped around Nastasia shoulders and for once, she looked truely happy. I was guessing everything had worked out.

"What's up?" Nastasia bubbled, her ocean green eyes sparkling with mischief. Just like they had before.

" You seem to be feelin' better. Everything going ok? " I asked, noticing how Nick for the most part stared at her with surprise.

"I'm still tired, but I'll make that up soon..." Nastasia laughed at me as Howie pulled her tighter.

" What's up with Blondie? " Howie laughed.

"Which Blondie?" I asked, looking back and forth between Nastasia, Nick, and I.

" The dumb one, " Howie teased, knowing it would piss Nick off even though he was just joking.

"Hey!" Nick shouted, "I'm not the only dumb blonde in this group!"

" Really? That's surprising. Who's the other one? "

"Stazzie." Nick answered gruffly. I watched as Brian glared darkly at him. Nastasia gave Nick a confused look as her eyes turned a bit darker.

" W-what's that supposed to mean? " she asked, confusion coating her voice as she looked to me, but I just shrugged my shoulders.

"I'm not the one who's pregnant now am I? How could I be the stupid one in the group?" Nick blurted out on top of his anger. I gasped, he knew?

I saw Nastasia's eyes turn black as her mouth gapped open in surprise. Howie glared at Nick with shock. I saw the tears appear in Nastasia's eyes as she reached up and slapped Nick across the face.

" You're such a frickin' ass, you know that? " Howie snapped angrily as Nastasia shook his arm off her shoulder and began to walk away.
" Stazzie! "

"FORGET IT!" Nastasia yelled loudly as she started to walk away. I saw AJ look at her surprised as he stopped twirling Chase. He ran over and grabbed her by the shoulders. He had only seen the slap, he hadn't heard the whole story.

" Stazzie, what's going on? What's wrong? " he asked worridly.

"That...That..." Nastasia couldn't muster the words out of her mouth as AJ brought her back to the group, where Nick and Howie were staring at each other.

"How could you say that?!" Howie hissed.

" It's the truth! " Nick yelled, already in it too deep.

" How the HELL would you know?" Howie yelled back, his clenched fists hanging at his sides. Nastasia watched in horror as AJ held onto her and me tightly.

" Because it's the truth! Are you deaf?! "

Howie couldn't contain himself any longer, and before any of us could stop him, out of pure anger, he punched Nick as hard as he could in the gut.

Nick went flying to the ground. No one moved. Nick growled loudly as he shot back up and hit Howie square in the jaw. Nastasia gasped as she looked away. Howie stared back at Nick, deciding if he really wanted to hit him. "Apologize to Staz, NOW!" He yelled.

" NO! I AIN'T GONNA! " Nick shouted as him and Howie got into a major brawl.

" Whoa, guys - break it up, " Brian yelled as he tried to pull Nick off Howie, but instead, he was elbowed in the nose as Nick shoved him away.

" Shit, " Brian cursed as he fell backwards to the ground.

" What the HECK is going on? " Kevin shouted as he ran over to us.

"MY NOSE!!!" Brian howled as he held it tightly. I gasped and turned away as Kevin stared darkly at everyone. He grabbed Howie and Nick by the back of their collars and tugged them apart hard. He struggled against their strong muscles, but managed to hold them. "Let me ask again. WHAT HAPPENED?" Kevin asked sternly.

" Let me go! " Nick shouted as he tried to push Kevin's arm away. His face was beet red with anger.

"No, let me go, so I can tear his ass apart." Howie hissed as Nastasia looked at both of them. Shame written all across her face. She went up and stood by Howie and Nick, breaking them apart with Kevin. I tried to grab her, as did AJ, but she went anyway.

" GROW UP! BOTH OF YOU! " she shouted as tears glistened in her eyes.

"What?" Nick asked, his face still bright with anger. She stared darkly at both of them. Her ocean eyes turning into a hurricane. Sending me into shivers as AJ held onto me tightly.

"You heard me, " She growled. "GROW up."

" Stazzie, just stay out of it, " Howie said, trying to become calm again.

" NO! I WON'T! You guys act so immature some times and I'm tired of it! Grow up! " she snapped turning to him, then back to Nick. " And you, you have no idea how much HATE you right now. But I will not waste my time standing here telling you that because you aren't worth it! " She turned around on her heels and walked away.

"Aunt Stazzie!" Chase suddenly yelled as she started to walk off the stage. She turned to Chase and gave him a weak smile. "What Baby?" Nastasia cooed at him as she stopped. Everyone had their eyes on her. Brian clutched his nose tightly, I had given him a tissue, hoping to stop the flow of blood.
"Me danced like you!" Chase exclaimed as he wiggled his little behind in front of everyone. Nastasia glanced at him and wiped the tears away, she was afraid to cry anymore.

" That's really great Chazzie, you keep practicing and I'm sure you'll become a great dancer, " Nastasia cooed again and gave him a kiss on his forehead. " I gotta go now sweetie. " She stood up and continued making her way off the stage.

" NO! Aunt Stazzie! No go nowhere! " Chase said stubbornly, but Nastasia continued walking away until she dissapeared out the exit door. Chase began to cry.

"Chaser!" AJ exclaimed as he ran and scooped up his son, then he turned back as I walked over to hug them both tightly. AJ stared darkly at Howie and Nick. "What did you two do?"

Howie ignored his question and ran out after Nastasia. He had just gotten her back, he wasn't going to let her go again.

Chapter 78:

" I dissapear for two minutes and this is what happens? " Kevin said, his thick eyebrows furled with anger.

" He threw the first punch! " Nick shot.

" Somehow I believe you disserved it. "

" How the hell would you know? You weren't around! "

" Just shut up! I don't want to hear another word out of you the rest of the night! "

" Fine, guess that means I can't perform. I'm out of here! " Nick walked off, his hands still tightly clentched in fists.

" Smart ass, " Kevin mumbled and turned back to everyone."What happened? Anyone know? Because if this doesn't sort out, we won't have a show tonight." Kevin sighed as he fell to the floor. Brian was in terrible pain, and I was in emotional distress.

" Hell if I know, " A.J said as he hoisted Chase onto his shoulders.

"Lauren?" Kevin asked as he turned to me.

I sighed, knowing that I would have to tell Kevin now. " Well, Stazzie, she's um...she's...pregnant, " I said quietly.

"She's what?" Kevin asked, surprise flooding his emerald eyes.

" Pregnant, " I repeated as I looked at him.

"How?" He asked stupidly. Even AJ looked at him and smirked.
"Isn't it obvious?" AJ asked.

" Don't be a smart ass, " Kevin snapped. " When did she find out? "

"I'm...not sure..." I hesitated, how long had it been?

" Ok... " Kevin said.

" You ok 'Rok? " A.J asked as we all looked at Brian. He was still clutching his nose with the tissue over it. His face was scrunched up with pain and his face was red. He shook his head.

"Gosh, I think it's broke!" Brian howled as he clutched it tighter. I gasped at the amount of blood. How could we explain this tongiht?

" This is just frickin' great, " Kevin said angrily.

" My god, Brian! What happened to your nose dear? " Denise asked with surprise as she walked onto the stage. She must have just arrived.

"Mom, it all went downhill." AJ sighed. "We think Bri's nose is broke. Nick said he's not performing. Stazzie ran out. Howie ran after her."

" What happened to cause all this? " Denise asked as she bent down beside Brian and pulled the tissue away from his nose. He winced in pain.

"Nick opened his mouth." I answered, anger fleeting into my words.

" Ok, but that still doesn't give me a very good idea as to what happened... "

"Howie and Nick decided that was a perfect time to get into a fist fight. No doubt they'll have some bruises later." AJ answered as Chase cuddled up tightly to his father. He had never had Nastasia tell him no before.

" Ok, now tell me what the fight was about. "

"Nastasia." I answered for her, feeling like a child who had just gotten in trouble for eating the last cookie.

Denise sighed. " That's not good. Now may I ask what about Nastasia caused Howie and Nick to get into a fist fight? "

"Lauren?" AJ asked, his eyes and everyone elses looking to me for the answer.

Why was I always the one that everyone looked to for the perfect answer? I sighed. " I guess somehow Nick found out about Stazzie being pregnant and well, it just went on from there. He totally freaked and acted like an ass to her. "

"Nick? No" Denise answered in disbelif, she couldn't believe it.

" Yes, as surprising as it may seem. "

"Well Brian, let's get you out to the ER. We'll see how it turns out, and see if we'll have a show tonight." Denise sighed.

Brian mumbled something under his breath as he struggled to stand up with the help of Denise and Kevin. I could tell by his facial features that he was extremely pissed, and knew most of his anger was directed towards Nick. I knew that wasn't good.

Chapter 79:

I waited with Denise in the waiting room while Brian was being looked at. Chase sat on his grandmother's lap. We had decided to have everyone else stay back at the arena in case Howie and Nastasia came back, or if Nick came back.

"I can't belive you guys are having so many fights these days." Denise sighed as Chase became even quieter. He glanced at his grandmother and then to me. His eyes full of questions. "Why Aunt Stazzie no want Chase?" He asked.

" Oh sweetheart, that's not true, " Denise answered as she hugged him.

" She no love Chase! " He whimpered. She had never really walked away from him before and I could see he was having a hard time understanding why.

" Your Aunt Stazzie loves you very much, " I said, smoothing out his hair. I wanted to reem Nick out so much at the moment.

"No love Chase. No love Chase." Chase murmured over and over as Denise and I tried to comfort him. "No love Chase why? "

I brought Chase into my arms, wishing I could get him to understand, but it is basically impossible to get a three year old to understand when something like this was happening. " Chase, honey, she does love you, very much in fact and she always will. "

"No." He whimpered as Brian exited the room. A splint covering his nose. I could tell by his dark eyes that he wasn't very happy. Nick was in for it.

Denise stood up from her seat and walked over to him. " What did the doctor say? " she asked him in a motherly tone.

"It's busted. It's freakin' busted." Brian moaned.

Nick must have elbowed Brian in the nose harder than I had orginally thought.

" B-wok got boo boo? " Chase asked suddenly as he looked at the thing on Brian's nose.

"Bad boo-boo." Brian answered as he picked Chase up in his arms. Chase titled his head to look at the splint and gave him an odd look.

"Aunt Stazzie gid kisses to make boo-boo feel bedder." Chase answered softly, as if contemplating on what his Aunt Stazzie meant to him. He looked sad as he leaned in and kissed Brian tenderly on the nose, "Aunt Stazzie kiss bedder doo when she come home."

"Come on Brian." I answered softly as I hooked my free arm with his. He nodded softly, his skin beneath his eyes was turning an ugly black, I made a promise to myself not to say a word to him.

"Aunt Stazzie sdill love Brian?" Chase asked as we walked out the doors.

"Yes. Aunt Stazzie loves Brian." I answered as I buckled him into the car. Brian stood there, surprise covering his face.

"Aunt Stazzie love mommy?" Chase piped again.

"Yes sweetie. She loves mommy, " Denise answered softly.

"Aunt Stazzie love Grammy?" Chase asked.

"Yes sweetheart." I replied with a smile.

"Why Aunt Stazzie no love Chase den?" He asked sadly as he titled his head down in saddness. Refusing to speak another word to us.

I felt horrid as we pulled up to the hotel. The concert wasn't for a few hours, and I was hoping someone would be there. Hopefully Nastasia. Just to tell Chase that she loved him. My heart broke as I watched Chase sulk in his carseat. I felt so ugly...

I got out of the car and helped Chase out. " C'mon sweetie, let's go see if Aunt Stazzie is here, ok? "

" No. Aunt Stazzie no love Chase, " he stated. He was being stubborn. He got that from his father. I knew it.

"Sweetheart. Aunt Stazzie wants to see you." I coaxed as Denise and Brian waited. Brian looked to be in a lot of pain, and anger. Deep inside me I wished someone would hit Nick again.

" Why? " Chase asked, his eyes brightening a little bit.

" Because she's sad and she needs her favorite little man, Chase, to cheer her up, " I said.

"Me no her liddle man..." Chase answered as I pulled him out of his carseat. "Me her bid man!"

"Her big man?" I laughed as we walked into the hotel, he nodded.
"If she still love me." Chase answered.

" She does, " I laughed as we walked through the doors, but stopped when I saw the familiar figure slumped in one of the lobby chairs. A frown spread on my face as we walked over to Howie. " Where's Stazzie? " There were no fans crowding the lobby, I was surprised. But, there were a lot down at the arena.

Howie looked up at me and then to Denise and Brian. The sad, depressed look had returned to his face. " In our room, " he whispered.

" How come you're not up there with her? "

" She won't even talk to me right now, " Howie answered, his voice a little louder. I could see the skin on the lower left side of his jaw turning a purplish color as a bruise formed.

' Oh no... ' I thought.

" Damnit, I just got her back to talking to me and now she won't talk anymore. Why the hell is this happening? "

" It's going to be ok Howie, " Denise soothed as she sat down in the chair next to him.

" I swear I'm gonna kill Nick. I'm gonna kill him... " Howie muttered under his breath.

" How long have you been sitting here? " I asked.

" 'Bout an hour and a half... "

" You've been sitting in this chair the whole time? "

" Yeah. "

I handed Chase over to Denise. " I'm going to go try to talk to Stazzie. Can one of you give A.J or Kevin a call? "

" Yeah, I will, " Brian answered, pulling his cell phone out of his pocket, dialing one of the guy's numbers. He walked a few feet away as he began talking.

" I'll be back... " I said and headed over to the elevator. I began walking down the hall when I stepped out of the elevator on the right floor. When I reached the correct room, I prepared myself and knocked. No answer. I knocked again. Still no answer. While knocking a third time, I said, " Stazzie! It's Lauren, open the door so I can come in. I need to talk to you. "

I heard some commotion in the room and waited for the door to open.

Chapter 80:

I walked slowly into the room as the door was ajared a bit. She hadn't even bothered to invite me in, just accepting the fact that I was coming in.

I watched as she began to chuck a ball at the wall. It bounced hard against the wall, then back into her palm. I had to admit, she was very athletic for such gracefullness.

"Are you all right?" I asked softly as she chucked the ball at the farwall, it bounced off hard and flew down the hallway. She looked back at me, her ocean eyes blazing with anger.

"I'm peachy." She sneered as she collapsed onto one of the soft chairs. She was extremley tired and mad. Her eyes blazed with anger as she stared at the wall.

"You are not..." I stated.

"I'm FINE."

"Liar, how come you walked away from Chase?" I asked after a moment of silence. She looked at me for a moment, pondering what I had just said, confusion flooded her face.

"When?"

"At the arena." I stated as I heard Chase's laugh down the hallway. I was positive she didn't hear it, she was still thinking. Figured she'd be the blonde one.

"Huh?"

"He showed you a dance move and you left. Fast. He thinks you don't love him anymore." I stated bluntly.

"Aunt Stazzie?" I heard Chase call timidly from the door. I looked up to see AJ and our son waiting at the door with her ball she had been tossing. I gazed at it and realized that had been a birthday present from Chase.

"Chazzie?" She asked as she looked at me, question flooding her face. I nodded as he didn't approach her. He was scared.

"Hi Stazzie." AJ smiled.

"Come here Chase." Nastasia cooed. Chase looked up at his father, who nodded and gave him a push. Chase walked up to Nastasia slowly and handed her the ball.

"Herd ball you lost." He answered as his dark eyes stared at her, "You love Mommy?"

"Yes." Nastasia answered slowly as she held the ball in her hands. She eyed it carefully, knowing it was the ball Chase had given her. She gulped down a sob.

"You love Daddy?"

"Yes."

"You love 'wok?"

"Very much." Nastasia laughed.

"Love Grammy doo?"

"Yeah."

"Then why no love Chase? Chase love Aunt Stazzie. Why not Aunt Stazzie love Chase? Why?" Chase demanded angerly as she snapped back in surprise. AJ bowed his head down sadly as he grabbed my hand.

"I love you Chazzie!" Nastasia burst as tears flooded her eyes. She gathered the sad child into her arms and hugged him tightly. Chase invited the hug and hugged back, "Oh sweetheart. I love you, more than life itself. I would never stop loving you."

"Pwomise?" Chase whimpered.

"Yes." Nastasia answered as she placed a tender kiss on Chase's forehead.

"Oder Icedream?"

"Over icedream." Nastasia laughed.

Chapter 81:

" Owdie want to talk to you! " Chase squealed as Nastasia tickled him,
throwing him into a fit of giggles.

Nastasia stopped and frowned. She didn't want to talk to him, but she knew she couldn't ignore him. She wasn't really angry at him, she just wanted to be alone. " Um, where is he? " she asked hesitantly. She could still remember the look in Howie's eyes as he chased her up to their room and she slammed the door in his face. It was etched in her tired mind.

" Da lobby! " Chase yelled as he jumped away from Nastasia. He grabbed her hand. " Aunt Stazzie come dow! " he demanded and began dragging her out the door.

Nastasia let Chase tug her down to the lobby. She began to feel horrible for not talking with Howie when she knew she should have. She was running away from him like she was before.

*****

" Has Nick showed up? " Kevin asked. Everyone was chilling in the lobby
while A.J and Lauren were up talking to Nastasia.

" He's lucky he hasn't! " Howie hissed, the anger flaring in his eyes. " I swear he's really gonna - "

" D, just chill would ya? "

Howie mumbled something in spanish under his breath. He slumped further into his chair, he just wanted to talk to Nastasia.

The enterance doors to the hotel opened and to everyone's surprise, Nick strided in. He had a bruise on the side of his face. He walked up to everyone. " I'm glad I found you, D. I just wanna - "

Howie didn't give him a chance to finish. He jumped up from his chair and lunged at Nick, punching him square in the jaw.

Nick fell to the ground with a thud as he brought a hand up to his aching jaw. " Shit D! I want to apologize! "

Howie looked ready to lunge at him again but Kevin grabbed his arm and gave him a stern look. Howie shook his arm loose and glared hatingly at Nick. " Why should I accept your apology?! "

" Because I'm sorry! "

" Sorry doesn't always cut it Nick! "

Nick sighed and stumbled into the standing position. " Listen to me D, I'm sorry for what I said. I had no right to say that and I had no excuse either. I acted like an ass towards two of my best friends
and...and...please, I'm sorry ok? " He hated having to apologize like this. He had never been very good at it. But he felt horrible for saying the words he had said, especially to Nastasia. He could just imagine how it made her feel.

Howie just stood there glaring at Nick, his anger flowing through him. He allowed his hands to stay clentched in fists, he was just so angry.

" Stazzie! " Nick suddenly shouted. Everyone looked and saw Nastasia walk out of the elevator with Chase in her arms, A.J and Lauren following them. Nick ran over to her, preparing to tell her what he told Howie. " Stazzie, I need to say something. "

" I don't want to talk to you Nickolas, " Nastasia said without emotion and walked straight past him.

" No Stazzie, please. Let me talk. I want to - "

Nastasia turned around, the same anger Howie's eyes held, were now in her own. " Didn't you hear me? I said I didn't want to talk to you! "

" I'm sorry Stazzie! " Nick said, the regret for letting the hurtful words he had said slip out of his mouth, showing in his facial expressions. " I'm sorry for acting like an ass. I had no excuse and I regret saying what I said. Please, all I'm asking right now is for you to accept my apology. That's all I want... "

Nastasia stood there silently debating on wether or not she should talk. " Fine...apology accepted, but I have no desire what so ever to speak to you right now Nickolas. What you said hurt, I can't even believe that you would even say something like that, but you did and it hurt, more than you know. I don't want to talk to you, so please, don't talk to me, " Nastasia said. She turned around and made her way over to Howie, everyone watching her. " You want to talk? "

" I want to know what I did wrong, " Howie answered, staring into her eyes for an answer.

" You did nothing wrong... " Nastasia whispered, as she looked away.

" Then why did you walk away from me? "

" Because I was mad, not at you. Can we talk about this somewhere else? " Nastasia answered quietly.

" Yeah, of course, " Howie said and kissed her gently on the forehead.

*****

I walked quietly through the halls making my way towards Nick's room. The guys had come to the conclusion that they would have to cancel the concert. Brian was in no shape to be performing with his nose at the moment. And with Howie and Nastasia mad at Nick, something was bound to go wrong at the concert. Everyone designated me to go tell Nick.

I reached his door and lifted my hand to knock.

" Who is it? " Nick called from behind the door.

" Lauren, can I come in? " I asked.

He opened the door and moved out of the way so I could walk through. " I didn't think you would want to talk to me because I thought you were pissed too. "

" I'm more dissappointed then I am pissed Nick. It surprised me to even
think you would say something like that, especially to Stazzie. "

" Geez, I'm sorry... "

" I'm not the one that you have to be apologizing to. But if it was me you would have said that too, I would have kicked your butt. Better yet, A.J would have really kicked your ass, " I laughed but stopped when I saw him rolls his eyes. " But I guess you really don't need to be hearing that. "

" No, I don't... "

" Well, Kevin wanted me to come tell you that they're canceling the show tonight, mostly for the fact that Brian can't really perform at the moment. "

" What? How come? "

" Maybe you should ask him that. "

" It probably has to do with me, huh? He's pissed... "

" Yeah, for some reasons, but you talk to him. I don't want to get into the middle of it between you. "

" Alright... "

" I'll talk to you later ok? I just came to tell you that. But um, you
better go talk to Bri and I'll see you later, " I said and dismissed myself from the room.

Just as I was walking out into the hall, A.J came running by slipping on one of his many cowboy hats and a pair of sunglasses. He nearly ran into me.

" Hey baby, I'll see ya later. I gotta go! " He called back to me over his shoulder.

" Wait Alex, where are you going? " He hadn't mentioned anything to me that he was leaving.

" Um, to the arena for the concert... "

" You guys canceled. "

" Oh yeah, well, I gotta go! Talk to ya later! "

" Alex! "

" I gotta go baby! Talk to ya later! "

Before I could protest he dissappeared around the corner, down the hall. I sighed and headed back to my room.

Chapter 82:

It was decided that the guys would make up the concert the next day, just setting them back a day on their tour. Brian had repeatedly said he would be fine and would be able to perform the night before, but everyone thought it would be for the best if they canceled the show.

I wasn't sure if Nick had talked to Brian. I could tell, though, that Brian was still pissed at him. Nastasia had been hanging on Howie the rest of the day and before they had all headed off to rehearsal. She seemed to be getting more of her strength back, as long as she kept on getting the rest that she needed.

A.J, on the other hand, had been acting extremely odd. He had a nervous bout attitude every time he was around me or when I was talking to him. I began to become worried, wondering if something was happening and if something was wrong.

I questioned Denise about it a few times prior to the rehearsal and she said she had noticed it too, but that she didn't know anything about it. I asked her again during the rehearsal, but still, same answer.

I watched as A.J danced up on stage. He seemed to be trying extra hard,
which he always did, but there was just something about the way he was going about it today that seemed different.

I often found myself watching and smiling, feeling that same secureness that I felt knowing he was mine and I was his. A feeling I hadn't felt since the night he had told me to leave, told me that it was over between us.

" Ok, guys. Take a break! " Fatima yelled from the side stage as she watched their every move, wanting it to be exact.

A.J ran over to a table that was set up at the side of the stage and grabbed a water bottle, taking a big chug and wiped the sweat off his forehead with a towel. He then turned around and hurried to the edge of the stage and jumped down, walking up to me and taking a seat.

" Hey babe, how's it goin'? " he asked and began slobbering me with kisses.

" Eeewww, you're sweaty. Get away! " I said as I playfully pushed him away from me.

" Awww, c'mon. You know you love me. "

" Ok, I'm guilty of that, " I laughed and returned a kiss which turned into a longer one than I had expected. " Mmhmm... " A.J pulled back from me, that nervous look in his eyes returning. " Alex, what's going on? "

" Um, what do you mean? " he asked in a very innocent voice. Though, he knew what I was talking about.

" You. You've just got this wierd attitude going on when your around me. What's going on? Is something the matter? "

A.J looked at me quizzically. " No, nothing's the matter. "

" Then why are you acting like this? "

A.J sighed and leaned his elbows on his knees. " Because...I've been doing a lot of thinking... "

" About? "

" About us... "

Why didn't I like the sound of this? " What about us? "

" Our relationship. I've been doing a lot of thinking about it... "

I wasn't liking this at all. It worried me. " Alex... "

" Lauren, I don't deserve you...I've been blessed to have you back in my life and I don't want to lose you again. I want to be able to know that you'll always be there, that I can always hold you in my arms, go to sleep with you and wake up with you every morning. I don't ever want to go through seeing you walk out the door again. "

I was really confused now. What was bringing this on? " Ok... "

A.J stood up from his seat and stood in front of me. " Lauren, I love you more then life itself, and I've realized that I never once stopped loving you when we were apart. That's why - " he paused and got down on one knee, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small black velvet box, revealing a diamond engagement ring inside. " I want you to promise me that you'll never leave me because I'll never leave you. Lauren baby, will you marry me? "

Chapter 83:

As those precious words flew out of AJ's mouth the whole roomed seemed to stop shuffling. Denise had even dropped the papers she was going through, staring at her son. At first not believing the words that had flew from his mouth.

Nastasia even stopped dancing as she glanced back at us. Howie had been helping her with a move she thought she didn't master yet, but I had told her she had. Her beautiful ocean eyes sparked like a wild fire as she stopped dancing with Howie and Chase. Staring back at me.

"Please Lauren." AJ asked me softly as he still stood there, wobbling a bit on his knee. His hands were shaking badly as he stared deeply into my eyes. Those eyes that I had dreamed about for so long.

"I...I...I don't know what to say..." I stuttered as Nastasia glared hard at me. I felt her eyes burning into me as I stared directly at AJ.

"Please Lauren. I can't loose you...not again...and Chase...he needs his father and his mother. Together. I know what you mean to me, I had to loose you to realize that. But I don't want to again...Please." AJ answered once more, honesty flooding through his words, bowling me over with the passion he felt. My heart began to beat faster.

"What daddy and mommy talking 'bout? Huh Aunt Stazzie?" I heard Chase ask Nastasia loudly as he saw where his aunt's attention was. "Why daddy on dis dee?"

"Because Chazzie..." Nastasia laughed. I couldn't hold his stare any longer, once again, Nastasia had stole my spotlight. But this time I didn't hate it, even AJ turned to stare at our son and Nastasia.

"WHY?" Chase whined to her.

"Because..." Nastasia laughed as she scooped Chase up in her arms and hugged him tightly. She saw AJ and I watching her and she nodded tightly, "YOUR MOTHER WAS ABOUT TO TELL YOUR DADDY YES!!!!"

She yelled it loudly so we could hear it clearly. I looked at her and beamed a smile back, something only me and her would know for years and years to come. Something AJ would never understand about us.

"Yes Alex. Yes." I whispered softly. AJ turned abruptly back to me, his eyes twinkling with a deep passion. He took the ring clumsily out of the velvet box and slipped it on my finger.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear and we leaned in and kissed softly, the kiss I would remember for the rest of my life, and years after that.

*********

I watched as AJ let go of me and ran back up to the stage to hurridly tell the guys our good news, not like they didn't know already. I had a bright smile on my face as Denise and Nastasia went running to me.

Nastasia reached me first. She screamed with a loud squeal as she jumped into my awaiting arms. We both squealed as we jumped in a circle together. Denise laughed.

"Ohmigod!!! Wow!!! You and JJ!!!" Nastasia squealed, "Guess he can't spend the night at my house anymore!"

"Guess not!" I laughed.

"My dear! Welcome to the family!" Denise laughed as she kissed my cheek lightly. She hugged me tightly and then brought Nastasia into her arms also.

"MARRIED!!! WOW!!!" Nastasia squealed again and this time Denise jumped in, every one of us squealing and laughing.

*********

"Women. Man!" Brian whistled from up on the stage. AJ, Howie, Brian, and Kevin were up on the stage discussing what had just happened.

"You started it man!" Howie laughed as he pushed AJ on the shoulder. His jaw was an ugly blackish purple, an ugly reminder of what Nick had done. But that was the least on his mind.

"Hey! I love her!" AJ laughed.

"They're going to act like that the ENTIRE tour!" Kevin laughed.

"Good. I hope they stay that way." Howie grinned.

"Why?" Brian laughed.

"Because..."

"He's next..." AJ laughed.

Chapter 84:

My head was still spinning after the concert. I was in love. I couldn't stop repeating the name Mrs. McLean in my head. I couldn't get it out. And I felt even better when AJ and Howie decided they were going to take Nastasia and me out to dinner and some dancing. Like Nastasia could get enough of it anyway.

The plan was to meet at the hotel lobby within an hour. Nastasia had planned to get ready in my room with me. She was still all hyper from the concert. The same blonde I had come to love like a sister.

She looked very spectacular that night in her tight black dress with butterflies dancing up the sides. Her straps consisted of a flimsy string. It slitted right up her thigh, although the ending only ended a few inches shorter than her knees. Letting her long tan legs show off for the world. She let her blonde hair fall down to her waist. She was breathtaking as she applied a touch of makeup.

I chose an outfit almost identical to Nastasia's dress. We had bought them to match. Only mine was a firey red with dragons creeping up the sides. My straps were a bit thicker, and the slit was a bit lower. Although it hung perfectly on me. I chose to wear my hair in a ponytail, as always. I thought I looked perfect.

As did Nastasia when she looked at me and cooed, "WOW! You look fantastic! I wish I looked that good!"

"Me? Better than you? Ha!" I replied with sarcasm.

" Did anyone ever tell you you're too hard on yourself? " Nastasia asked as she returned to applying her makeup.

" Well, when I have a friend that looks as good as you do... " I laughed.

"I won't look that good in nine months!" Nastasia replied as she turned back to me and puffed out her cheeks like a giant chimpmunk, then bending her back acting like she had a huge belly.

I laughed at her good heartedly. " Then you'll know how I felt. Hey now I can finally give you pay back for all those times you told me to stop complaining, that it couldn't be that bad. That's what I'll tell you. "

"Me? Nah! I'm too good of a sport to complain!" Nastasia joked as she smoothed out her black dress, her ocean eyes twinkling with mischief. "Who knows, I might want another one."

" That's what I thought until I actually gave birth. It sort of changes your mind a little... "

" You saying you and A.J aren't going to have any other kids? "

" No, I'm not saying that. I'm sure there will be another McLean kid sometime in the future, maybe even two. Ya never know. I'm marrying A.J ya know? " I laughed.

"Or two? Yeah right! You're thinking of five, six, seven." Nastasia teased me further as she finished with her makeup.

" No, I don't think so. Though, I can just picture eight or nine little McLean kids running around the house, driving A.J nuts. It's a funny picture actually... "

"JJ would pull his hair out...then again...that might actually do wonders for him...." Nastasia giggled as there was a loud pounding on the door.

" It might, though, I think he might be going bald on his own. Look how high his hair line is, " I laughed as I exited the bathroom and walked over to the door.

" If you lay down, lay down beside me. You can get all inside me, and I can get all inside you too, " A.J sang as he pulled me into his arms without warning. " If you lay down, lay down beside me - "

" Not right now babe, " I laughed as I gave him a kiss. He looked playfully hurt. " But ya never know about later, so don't give me that look. But thanks for the little saranation. I liked it. "

A.J kissed me several times, leaving Howie just standing there, looking at us oddly. " I thought you would. " We continued kissing, excluding everyone else from the world we had just jumped into.

" Where's Stazzie? " Howie asked us, not recieving an answer. He sighed and was about to sit down on my bed when Nastasia came walking out of the bathroom. Howie marveled at the amazing beauty that stood before him. " Usted es muy hermoso mi amor, muy hermoso... " he said as he stood up straight and took her into his arms.

Nastasia smiled at him warmly. " Gracias, " she whispered in his ear and they engaged in a long kiss.

" Um, shall we go before this gets out of hand? " I laughed as I pulled back from A.J.

*****

The guys took us to an amazing Italian resteraunt on the north side of town. The atmosphere of the place fit the mood perfectly. We were taken to a secluded table near the back. It was beautiful. There was a dozen red roses laying on mine and Nastasia's chairs. Sweet, romantic music played in the background. It was all so perfect.

" Well Mr. McLean, " I said seriously. " I can honestly say I'm impressed. "

" Anything for my beautiful fiancee, " A.J replied with a grin as he pulled my chair out and seated me.

" Like I said, very impressed... "

" When did you guys find time to do this? " Nastasia asked as she took her seat.

" We made a few phone calls, " Howie smiled as he sat down and rubbed Nastasia's still slim stomach. We all knew what he was thinking about. Nastasia smiled warmly at him, knowing she had a long road ahead of her. But he promised he would be there for her, as much as he could, and that made it easier.

Chapter 85:

The night sky was filled with dozens of stars as we left the resteraunt. A cool breeze hung in the air as we made our way to the rental car, a black Ford Explorer, and headed towards our next destination; " Night Of Paradise " - a well recommended club.

I fingered the ring on my finger and thought back to those three words, the ones that had the power to change my life forever. I was still having trouble believing it. It was almost too good to be true...

We reached the club not too long after. After killing the engine, A.J hopped out and walked around to my side, offering me his hand. Howie and Nastasia were in the back and were taking their time on getting out.

Once inside the club, we were welcomed by loud music, flashing lights and the chattering of people.

" Phat place, eh? " A.J asked with a laugh as we found an empty table to sit at.

" Don't go Canadian on us JJ! " Nastasia teased. Howie whispered something in her ear. She nodded and the two of them walked off, leaving me alone with A.J.

We sat there not speaking, A.J having his arms around my waist.

" You're not very talkative tonight. You ok? " he asked.

" Yes, I'm fine, " I said in a dreamy tone. I hadn't really heard him, I was off in a whole different world. The answer seemed to come from my mouth without me noticing it.

" Well, may I have this dance? " A.J asked as he stood up and reached his hand out to me.

I tuned into the song that was being played and realized it was one that had been one of A.J and my favorites. One of " our " songs. " Joe - " I Wanna Know ". I took his hand and more than willingly, let him lead me onto the dance floor, which was becoming crowded with people.

His arms made their way around my waist, fitting perfectly. I let my hands slip up around his neck and stared into his eyes, which were filled with a passion.

" Tell me what I gotta do to please you, baby, anything you say I'll do. Cause I only wanna make you happy, from the bottom of my heart it's true, " A.J sang pulling me closer to his body, my nostrils filling with the scent of his sweet cologne, the way they used to whenever I was close to him.

We danced, A.J whispering sweet words into my ear the whole time, keeping the smile I had become accustomed to, plastered on my face. I had no idea where Howie and Nastasia had run off to, I couldn't see them anywhere.

A.J and I sat at the table alone, glancing around at the place, observing the scene. I slowly sipped the wine he had bought for me, a glass of white Zinfendel, my favorite. He on the other hand was very much enjoying his glass of Coors.

" I'll be right back, " I stated as I stood up from the table.

" Where you going? "

" Bathroom, and no babe, you can't come with me, " I laughed.

" Damn, how did you know I was gonna ask? "

" Because I know you too well. " I walked off in search of the bathroom
which I soon realized was all the way at the other end of the club. Making my way there, I noticed Nastasia out on the dance floor, dancing
magnificently to Jennifer Lopez's - " Waiting For Tonight ". Howie was
trying to keep up with her. I couldn't help but laugh. They looked so cute together.

*****

A.J swallowed the last drink of beer in his glass and placed the glass back on the table. He was comtemplating on wether or not he wanted another and when he was just about to stand up, an all too familiar voice came from the side of him.

" A.J? "

No, it couldn't be, A.J thought as he prepared himself to look to the side of him, but it was. Amanda walked up to him. " M-manda, what...what are you doing here? "

" You sound surprised. "

" That's because I am. What are you doing here? "

" I'm in town doing a production and decided to come check out the local club scene. I see you had the same idea. "

A.J could see the sparkle in her dark eyes, the ones that had caught his attention when he met her for the first time. The thing that made him fall for her. He cringed as she took a seat where Lauren had been sitting. " Um, what are you doing? "

" Sitting down. Why? Is that a problem? "

" N-no, I guess not, " A.J lied, the nervousness sprouting in him. He didn't want her sitting there, he didn't want her sitting anywhere near him. He wanted to tell her to go away, but he couldn't get the words out of his mouth.

" A.J, I'm sorry for walking out that day. I can just imagine how much that must have hurt you and I was a bitch for doing that. It was just a surprise to come back from Spain and find out that you have a son. I didn't know what to think. "

A.J sat there, her words passing in one ear and exiting out the other. They didn't stick to him.

" I want to give us another chance, because I still love you A.J. I love you alot. I know we can make it work between us. Let's give us another chance... "

" No. " A.J said, not even glancing up at her. He just wanted her to leave.

" Excuse me? "

" I said no, Amanda. "

" But A.J, I thought... " Amanda said as she caressed A.J's face with her hand.

A.J sat there stunned, by her touch to his face. He knew he should have
pushed it away, but something kept him from doing that. Though the only
person in his mind at the moment was Lauren.

*****

I walked out of the bathroom feeling resfreshed and after applying more
makeup. I saw Howie and Nastasia up at the bar recieving two glasses from the bartender and then began making their way towards our table. I decided I would talk to them once they were at the table, so I continued walking, but I stopped dead in my tracks when I reached it. Her hand was caressing his face, he wasn't doing anything to stop her. What the hell was she doing here? I could feel the anger and betrayel boil within me. " What the HELL A.J?! "

A.J snapped back to reality and instantly smacked Amanda's hand away. A lock of shock appeared on her face as she glared up at me. " Lauren... "

I could feel myself begin to lose control. " I can't believe you... " I
barely whispered, the hurt evident in my voice.

A.J could see the look on my face. " No Lauren, it's not - "

" Don't even try to cover up for this. How could - geez, it's all been a lie hasn't it? "

" What? No! Lauren no! " A.J said as he stood up. He payed no attention to Amanda as if she wasn't even there, but that didn't cross my mind. The only thing I could think now was she was there and she was caressing his face, he seemed to enjoy it and made no move to stop her.

I felt a great amount of betrayel well up inside me. I felt the tears coming on. " No, everything has been a lie. I've just been some rebound you needed until you could get HER back. " I hastily pulled the ring from my finger and threw it in his face. " That ring never meant anything to you! "

A.J looked down at the ring in shock, surprised at what I did. " That's not true! "

He took a step towards me in a movement as if to place his hands on my arms to calm me down, but I pushed him away. " Just leave me the HELL alone! " I hissed and turned around, storming from the club.

" Lauren! WAIT! " A.J shouted after me as Amanda walked off, leaving him in despair.

I ignored A.J's plea for me to come back and slammed out through the door, not even looking back. Just as I hailed a cab and climbed in, A.J burst through the door to catch up with me and I quickly told the cab driver to " Go! "

I watched through the rear window as A.J got smaller and smaller as we got farther and farther away from him. I wasn't turning back now. I had to leave and tomorrow I would...

Chapter 86:

AJ raced back into the club to find Amanda in hysterics and to find Nastasia and Howie clueless. His eyes were frantic as he clutched the ring in his hand, facing his best friends.

"AJ! I LOVE YOU!" Amanda cried as she flung herself effortlessly onto AJ. He pushed her away as Nastasia glared at her, Howie felt her tense and held her back for a moment. Deciding to let AJ take this one.

"I don't love you." AJ whispered back, anger flooding his words. Howie watched in silence as Nastasia looked lost and confused.

"Why?" Amanda wailed further.

"Because you left me when I needed you. When my SON needed you. So, I found comfort in other places. My friends and family. And my old girlfriend, which was my new girlfriend...in fact we were getting married...but yet again, I seemed to have fucked things up." AJ hissed as he gave Amanda one last hard glare and grabbed Nastasia. Pulling Howie along with her.

"What happened?" Nastasia asked as AJ, Howie, and her started to walk to their car. AJ felt like his heart had been smashed into tiny pieces, then ripped away.

"Lauren flung this at my face." AJ replied hatefully as he gave the gold ring to Nastasia. She held it in her delicate hands and looked at AJ with confusion.

"Why?" Nastasia asked softly, then she pictured Amanda. The name rung in her head like a clear bell. She looked at AJ as she quickly fit the pieces together. "JJ..."

"I have to talk to her Stazzie." AJ whimpered as Howie laced his fingers with Nastasia's small ones. She clutched the ring tightly.

"We'll go back to the hotel. I know she'll be there. We'll talk...we'll all talk..." Nastasia repeated as she dropped the ring into AJ's hands and jumped into the car.

********

Anger and rage took over my body as I slammed my hotel door loudly. I saw that Chase was sound asleep in my bed, he jumped from the sound of the door. He looked frightened as he whimpered. For once I didn't care.

I gave a growl and flicked on the lights, forcing my child awake. Chase stirred as he sat up in bed. I flung our suitcases out onto the bed. He looked up at me questioningly.

"Where daddy?"

"Out." I replied hurtfully as I began to pack our clothing away. Not folding it at all, just flinging it in as tears cascaded down my face. Confusion flooded Chase's face.

"With Aunt Stazzie and Uncle Owdie?"

"No, with some bitch." I hissed, surprising Chase even more. I growled again as I flung more clothing into the bags. Tears of rage pouring from my eyes as I began to punch the bag, imagining that it was Amanda.

"Mommy?"

"WHAT Chase?!" I replied irritantly, he wasn't the one I was upset with. But he did make it hard, I forgot how much he looked like his father.

Before Chase could reply, there was a knock on our door.

Chapter 87:

" Go away! " I shouted as I slammed one of my suit cases shut and continued stuffing the other one.

" Lauren, it's Staz! Let me in! " she called back as she continued to pound on the door.

" No! Go away! " I tried to forcefully wipe my tears away, but they continued to fall. Chase still sat there, clutching the blankets and looking confused.

A second later the door burst open and Nastasia walked in after realizing it wasn't locked. I cursed myself for not locking it. She watched me in shock as I continued packing. " What are you doing? "

" I'm packing, what does it look like?! " I hissed, my back facing her.

" You're leaving? " Nastasia asked with disbelief. I didn't even need to see the look on her face without knowing what it was.

" Yes! "

" No Laurie, you can't just leave! "

I spun around to face her hatefully. " Watch me. I'm leaving and nobody is going to change my mind, so just leave me alone. "

I saw the hurt appear her eyes. God, I just wanted to leave right then. I couldn't stand this anymore. " Laurie... "

" No, just please...leave me alone... " I whimpered as my voice softened and I sat down on my bed, the tears starting to fall again.

Nastasia came over and sat down beside me. Chase crawled over to her and climbed in her lap. " Laurie, you can't just leave... "

" I don't want to be here anymore, Stazzie! There's no point. I have no desire to see A.J or speak to him. I'm gonna leave. "

" There's got to be some logical explanation for what happened. "

" No! I saw what I saw. He was glad to see her and I know it. I've just been some rebound he had until she came back and I fell for all of his lies. I'm the stupid one here! "

" You're not stupid Laurie! You haven't even given A.J a chance to speak - "

" And I'm not going to because first thing in the morning I'm leaving. "

" No, don't. "

" I've already made up mind. "

Nastasia sighed as she hugged Chase close to her. The look on his face saddened me. I knew he was going to be upset. He just looked so confused at the moment.

" Aunt Stazzie stay dight here? " he whimpered.

" If you want me to, sweetie, " Nastasia answered, kissing the top of his head.

I could tell by the tone of her voice that she was angry with me. She didn't understand though. She wasn't the one who was hurt. If she was me, she would be doing the same exact thing.

*****

A.J snuck out of Howie's room and shut the door. He was forced to sleep in there for Lauren wouldn't even allow him into their room. He had to go talk to her. Handling the ring in his hand he made his way down the hall to their room. Last nights event haunted his mind. He didn't want to believe it had happened. He hated Amanda even more now.

It felt as if Lauren had ripped out his heart when she took the ring off her finger and threw it in his face. He had to set things right, he couldn't lose her.

He reached their door and began knocking, but Lauren wasn't answering. He continued knocking, wishing with everything that she would just open the door and talk to him. That's all he wanted. " Lauren, please! Talk to me! " Still no answer. The only sound being the pounding of his fist on the door. Finally he stopped, his hand red and hurting.

" JJ! " Nastasia called from the end of the hall. She carried a cup of coffee in her hand and the key to the room. A saddened look on her face.

" Where's Lauren? " A.J demanded as he leaned against the wall.

" She... " Nastasia hesitated.

" Stazzie, where is she?! " A.J demanded again, his dark eyes pleading with her for an answer.

" She left an hour ago... "

" Where'd she go? "

" Back to Florida... "

Surprise clouded A.J's eyes and he sank to the floor in defeat. She was gone. She was actually gone. He had lost her, something he had vowed that he would never let happen again, and it did... " I fucked up, I fucked it up...once again I fucked things up... " he muttered staring off into space.

" JJ, no, this isn't your fault... " Nastasia said as she placed her coffee cup down and wrapped her arms around him.

" I lost her. I told myself I wouldn't lose her and I did. I fucked everything up... "

" No JJ, you didn't do anything wrong here. "

" It's all over... "

" No it's not. " Nastasia didn't like the tone in his voice. It worried her. The ring dropped from his hand and fell to the carpeted floor silently. Nastasia stared at it and felt the remoarse well inside her as A.J began to sob.

Chapter 88:

AJ continued to sob uncontrolably in Nastasia's arms. Their lives were just going in circles. AJ knew what Lauren felt like the day he told her to get out. His heart broke as Nastasia rubbed his back affectionantly.

"I...I want her b-b-back..." AJ whimpered as he cried. A child who lost his favorite toy, he missed Chase. He missed Lauren. He looked down at the ring Nastasia was holding in her hand.

"Get her back." Nastasia whispered softly as he rubbed the tears from his eyes. His heart ached so badly. He wanted to go away. Leave, never wake up again.

"What do you mean?" AJ asked his best friend as she gave him an affectionant kiss on the cheek, showing that she loved him too.

"Go back and get her. We don't have to be in the next state for like a few days. Plenty of time for you to go get her. Don't give up on her like she gave up on you. Chase and Lauren need you. Don't let her make you think different. She loves you. More than you'll ever know JJ." Nastasia answered, her ocean eyes jems of sincerity.

"Really?" AJ whispered, afraid to speak any higher.

"Yes."

"All right...I will..." AJ answered determined as he helped Nastasia stand up. She stood and stretched, her shirt rising to show a bit of her stomach, the lean and tanned tummy that was holding a child. AJ looked at her and smiled. "Come on mommy."

"Huh?"

"You're coming with me, let's go get D. I can't go alone. I don't trust myself. So, mommy, let's roll." AJ repeated firmer as he took her hand and drug her back to Howie's room. Surprise written on her face, as his heart continued to ache.

He knew he would get Lauren back, whether or not she liked it.

Chapter 89:

" I'm sorry sir, we're completely booked until tomorrow. There's a flight open in the evening that I can put you on, " a lady who was clearly showing her aging by her grey hair, repeated agitatedly for the third time.

" That's not good enough, damnit! I need to get a flight there now! Not tomorrow! It could be too late by then! " A.J began to yell as he became even more frustrated. His face was turning red.

" Tomorrow's flight is the best I can do for you. "

" There's gotta be something else! "

" Sir, there isn't. "

" Damnit! " A.J yelled and threw his hands up in the air.

" Would you like me to book you for that flight? " the lady asked, ready to type any information into the computer that she needed to.

Nastasia stepped up to the counter, pushing A.J aside gently. " Yes, book us for that flight please. "

" Alright, I'm gonna need your names. "

" Nastasia Notez, Howard Dorough, and Alexander McLean, " Nastasia answered quite professionally.

The lady behind the counter quickly eyed Nastasia, Howie and A.J.
" Wait, they're - "

" Yeah, they are, but uh, can we not make a scene? " Nastasia asked, hoping it didn't come out rudely.

" Don't worry, but would it be too much of a trouble to get their autographs for my grandaughter? "

" It'd be no problem, " Howie interrupted with a genuine smile, overhearing the conversation. " J! " A.J didn't answer or look at him.

" I see your friend is spacing out? "

" Yeah, kinda. He's having a problem right now, " Nastasia said.
" JJ! "

" What?! "

" Would it be too much of a trouble for you to sign an autograph? "

A.J was about ready to roll his eyes, he wasn't in the mood, but Nastasia glared at him. " No...it'd be no trouble at all. "

" Thank-you very much. Here's your tickets. The flight is tomorrow evening at 9:00. Have a nice day. "

Nastasia snatched the tickets. " You too. Ok, let's go back to the hotel now, we'll work things out from there. "

Chapter 90:

" He still trying to call her? " Howie asked Nastasia quietly as they walked down the attachable corridor to the plane. A.J was behind them, with his cell phone, redialing Lauren's number for what seemed like the millionth time. Things didn't go quite well on the phone earlier when she picked up. He began to talk and she blew up at him and hung up. He had been trying to call back ever since.

" Yeah. I've never known him to act like this over a girl. He really does love Lauren, " Nastasia said as she looked back over her shoulder at A.J who was becoming more frustrated by the moment.

A.J slammed his cell into his pocket as he slouched down in his seat, next to the window. The only thing on his mind at the moment was getting Lauren back, and he was going to. He would stop at nothing to get her back. It would be late by the time they arrived in Florida, so he would have to wait until the next day. It was Chase's birthday the next day and he would make sure to be there for him, surprise him. It would work out perfectly. He was sure of it.

He closed his eyes as he leaned back into his seat, letting the stress drain out of him as much as possible as the plane made it's way down the run way.

*****

It was sometime nearing the afternoon. My life had turned gloomy. I had cried myself to sleep the night before, I felt horrible. Betrayel and hurt running it's coarse throughout me.

Chase was giving me the silent treatment and wasn't talking much. He had lowered his vocabulary down to two words of " Want Daddy, " and even yet, he didn't say it very much. He was angry with me and I knew it. He had gone into crying hysterics when we had left the hotel and knew A.J wouldn't be coming with. I knew he would do that.

The more and more I looked at him, the more and more it would make me want to be with A.J still - the resemblance was unbearable and I would have to look away at times.

It was Chase's 4th birthday and he sulked around the house not talking to me. He just sat on the couch watching Pokemon. My mother had called earlier and tried talking to him, but he didn't say a word. He was mad at the world.

" Grandma is gonna be here soon, then we can open presents, " I tried to say cheerfully as I walked into the living-room. My only reply was silence. Chase didn't even look at me. " C'mon Chase, just talk. " Still silence. I sighed and walked over to the couch and sat next to him. He glared up at me, the anger seething through his eyes. " C'mon sweetie, please don't be mad. "

" NO! Want Daddy! No you! Mad at you! " Chase said as pushed me away, acting extremely stubborn. I was beginning to wonder if I should have left him with A.J. Nastasia would have been there. At least he wouldn't be acting like this.

I sighed again and got up and walked into the kitchen. My head hurt terribly. My life seemed to be going down hill now. Everything was going great, and now this...

I reached into the fridge and took out a coke and proceeded over to the counter for the tyenol. Just as I opened the bottle to take out two tablets I heard someone ring the door bell. Chase jumped off the couch and ran over to the door.

The thing I heard next caused me to drop the bottle of tyenol I had been holding in my hands.

" DADDY!!! "

Chapter 91:

I watched in horror as Howie, Nastasia, and AJ ran through the door. Nastasia was holding some birthday presents as Chase jumped into his father's arms. Holding him tightly, hugging and kissing him.

"Hey Chazzie, happy birthday!" Nastasia cooed as she leaned into the hug and gave Chase a giant kiss. He giggled as he hugged his father even tighter.

I felt my heart start to pound. I felt dizzy, what was he doing here? He shouldn't be here. I was mad at him, very mad. Steam was blowing out of my ears, but when I looked at him I became weak. Those eyes...

"Aunt Stazzie, me miss me Aunt Stazzie, Uncle Owdie!" Chase replied as he jumped from his father's arms to Nastasia's, who had dropped the presents.

"Uncle Owdie?" Nastasia teased as she looked from Chase to Howie. Her ocean eyes twinkling with the mischief she always had.

"Thought it was about time." Howie replied as he kissed her gently, placing his hand on her stomach. She gave him a playful glare as Chase squealed.

"You came to my birfday!" Chase immediatly spoke up, AJ smiled at him as he leaned in and kissed Chase again.

"Yes, we did." AJ smiled, I felt my anger slowly start to drip away. I hated that, I wish I could be angrier.

"How 'bout Uncle Howie and Aunt Stazzie take you in and let you open some of your presents?" AJ asked him.

"YES!" Chase immediatly agreed. Nastasia laughed as Howie picked up the presents and lead Chase into the kitchen, leaving me and AJ alone. To talk.

*****

"Hey, can we talk?" AJ asked me quietly.

"You're not supposed to be here." I replied gruffly, like a child who had not gotten her way.

"Well, I did what you should of done when you found out you were pregnant with Chase." AJ replied as a matter-of-factly.

"WAIT! BUT I-"

"No, I didn't come here to fight. I came here to talk, because you were driving me up a wall and back down it. So, lets go into your bedroom and talk." AJ answered in a most mature fashion.

"Okay..." I sighed, there was nothing else I could do. Was there?

Chapter 92:

I followed A.J up the stairs to my bedroom, the sound of Chase's delight ringing in my ears. I already knew what A.J was gonna say, and I felt it was a waste of time.

We walked into my bedroom and I watched in silence as A.J shut the door and turned towards me, his eyes staring deep into my soul. God, I still loved him, but I made no move to say anything. I was still angry.

A.J leaned against the wall cooley and fingered the gold ring in his pocket. His well tanned arms raked with tattoos showed from the black tank he was wearing, and I found myself looking over them. Anything to keep my eyes from meeting up with his.

" Lauren? " I heard his words penetrating into my thoughts.

" What? " I asked non-too happily.

" Can we talk? "

" Fine, talk. "

" No, both of us. Not just me trying to talk to you, because that's not
gonna get us anywhere, " A.J said and walked over to the dresser that was in front of me and leaned against it. I looked away. A.J used his hand to turn my face towards his. " What did I do? "

" You know exactly what I did, " I found myself mumbling.

" No, I don't. "

Why was he playing stupid? How could he not see why I was mad? I could feel my face turning hot as I stared into his eyes. A ball formed in the pit of my stomach as I felt the hurt well inside me." At the club... " I whispered, not even thinking about it.

" Lauren, I told you, nothing was going on. I didn't even know she was going to be there, " A.J defended.

" How can I believe that? How am I supposed to know that I'm not just some side fling you have? That ring never meant anything to you! Those words you said were all a lie! "

A look of hurt flashed in A.J's eyes as he stared blankly at me. He looked as if I had slapped him in the face, in a way I had, verbally. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes and felt a few slide down my cheeks. I couldn't bere to look at him any longer.

A.J bent down before me and studied my sad face as he gathered his thoughts. " If everything I said was a lie, I would have never went out and bought that ring. If I didn't love you, I wouldn't have come for you. I wouldn't be here right now. That ring symbolizes my everlasting love for you, it means the world to me, you mean the world to me Lauren. That's why I'm here. " He took the ring out of his pocket and held it up to me, it's gold shining from the sunlight that peered in through the window. " Please baby, don't give up on us that easily. We lost each other once, I don't want us to lose each other again. "

His eyes pleaded with me. I knew he was telling the truth and I melted into his arms. " I'm sorry, " I managed to choke out as we pulled away from each other.

" I think this belongs to you, " A.J said as he placed the gold band on my ring finger. " You know I love you Lauren, " he whispered and we engaged in a passionate kiss. A type of kiss I had almost lost...

Chapter 93:

AJ and I walked back down to our friends in the kitchen. Chase was already tearing through his presents, and my mother was there. She was hugging Nastasia tightly, I had already told her about Nastasia's pregnacy. Guess she was congradulating her.

"Hey honey." My mother greeted as AJ and I walked into the kicthen. Nastasia jumped and looked at us, eyeing us up and down. She glanced at us holding hands, then back down to my left hand. There the gold ring sparkled with warmth. She beamed a smile.

"All better?" She asked questioningly, so much like Chase.

"Very." AJ grinned as he leaned in and kissed my cheek affectionantly.

"YEA!!!" Nastasia whistled as she ran and jumped into AJ's awaiting arms. He whirled her in a circle and hugged her tightly, kissing her cheek affectionantly. I laughed.

"At least she's smiling again." Howie laughed.

"Very!" I smiled as Nastasia jumped into my arms and hugged me tightly then. A round of congradulations out to us. AJ laughed as Nastasia ran into the living room and grabbed a package.

"You're going back on tour with them then?" My mother asked as Nastasia came running back into the room. I looked at AJ, who gave me a pleading look.

"Yes, I am." I nodded as Chase finished with his presents very quickly. Brian had sent a basketball for him. Nick sent a baseball jersey. Kevin sent a little guitar for Chase to bang on. My mother and I got him various gifts, assorted with Nastasia's and Howie's gifts also. AJ had also thrown a ton of presents Chase's way, the little one was thrilled.

"AWESOME!" Nastasia squealed once more as she hugged me again, the package in her right hand. Howie rolled his eyes as she looked back at me, her eyes twinkling with the mischief I had missed so much.

"She's still blonde!" AJ laughed as Chase crawled into his arms.

"Very much so." Howie laughed.

"Boys!" My mother called to them, scolding them playfully as Nastasia flashed them a fake hurt look. She gave them a funny face then turned back to me quickly.

"Here, this is for you. I picked them up while I was shopping for Chase." Nastasia anwsered as she handed the box to me. I held it and gave her a smile.

"Thank you." I answered as I peeled the top of the box off and gaped at what was inside. She must of bought them by herself. I laughed as I flipped through them. "Why?"

"I thought you'd need them...wait...I KNEW you'd need them." Nastasia said with an innocent smile. So like her. I laughed as I looked down again.

Bridal magazines.

"What'd she get you?" AJ asked me curiously as he peered inside. A smile covered his face as he gave a fake glare at Nastasia. She gave an innocent shrug.

"Thanks doll!" I laughed as I placed the box down and hugged her. Hugging her tightly for everything she did. She meant so much to me, words couldn't express what a lifesaver she had been.

******

Nastasia had taken Howie to her house after the party with Chase. They wanted to spend some time alone before they were due back on tour. Chase didn't mind too much because AJ was spending the night with him anyway.

The sun had cascaded down into the late sky. The sun leaving streaks of spectacular oranges, blues, and purples. Nastasia watched the sunset in awe on the blanket Howie had thrown down in the back yard.

They had spent the whole day in her backyard, frolicking in the pool and lounging about. Flirting like mad with each other. Howie had prepared dinner and they ate it like a picnic.

"You're so beautiful." Howie murmured softly as Nastasia continued to stare up at the sky.

She pondered his words as she turned back to him, her ocean eyes pools of warmth and love. Her body a dark summer tan with her blonde hair ringlets of golden sunshine. Her body sleek and sensual in a dark blue bikini. Her curves well defined, making her irrisistable.

"Are you talking about the sunset? Or me?" She asked playfully as she layed back on the blanket. Howie laughed as he moved to lay comfortably on top of her. She gazed up at him innocently.

"I meant you." He whispered softly as he met her velvety lips, absorbing their sweet lips. She laughed as she looked at him.

"I'm glad, but I would of been jealous." Nastasia teased as she began to kiss him again. He chuckled softly as he broke the kisses.

"Shhh..." He whispered softly as he tilted his head and worked his way down to Nastasia's still slim stomach. He placed his ear down there and listened for a few moments. "Hey baby...hope you're okay in there...I love you..."

Nastasia watched in awe as Howie continued to whisper sweet things to the baby. She was afraid she might cry, she wished her father was like that. But somehow, Howie just being there and saying those things made it a bit better. He'd turn out to be the father she never had.

"Hey baby, what's the matter?" Howie laughed as he looked up to see tears trickling down her tan cheeks. She laughed as she wiped them away.

"Everythings fine." She whispered as Howie bent down and kissed her stomach once more, for the baby. She laughed again as Howie slid up to meet her face to face.

"You sure?"

"Definately." She laughed as he pulled her into another heart shattering kiss. After all, everything was fine. Perfect in fact.

Chapter 94:

The months had flew by faster than I had expected. Before I knew it the wedding was a month away and the tour had ended. We were back at home, AJ living with Chase and I. Chase was a healthy four year old now, active in everything. AJ encouraging him all the way.

Then, I couldn't believe Nastasia's pregnacy. She was already in her eighth month, and had a little tummy now. The baby hadn't really kicked much, and when it did, Howie wasn't around. Which disappointed him. I remembered when it kicked when I was there, Nastasia's face was adorable, I wish I had a camera.

Then, as I walked out to the patio I looked to see AJ, Nastasia, and Howie talking quietly while Chase played in the shallow end of the pool. I looked at Nastasia and a little jealous streak hit me.

Even in her eighth month she looked fantastic. She was still slim as ever, then a little belly poking through her maternity clothing, which made her look gorgeous too. Her long blonde hair still in perfect place, and her ocean green eyes sparkling like jems. She was one of the lucky pregnant women. One of the few that could even make pregnacy look sexy.

"Do you have my soda Laurie?" I heard Nastasia call to me as she sat back down on one of the chairs carefully. She held onto her stomach and made a face as she sat. Howie even laughed at her. She glared at him.

"Here mommy." I said, teasing her. AJ and I had started to call her mommy since we had gotten back together. A little nickname she had picked up, but she took it with grace.

"Thanks Auntie!" Nastasia shot back at me as I sat down in the seat that had the bridal magazines Nastasia had bought me. AJ relaxed in the seat next to mine with his hand gripping mine.

"So, do you have those dresses and colors picked out yet? I mean, it is only a month away till you're married." Howie laughed as Nastasia rolled her eyes. I looked down at Nastasia's bare hands, wondering when Howie would place a ring on her finger. She even wondered, but I pushed the thoughts out of my head and focused on my wedding.

"I liked the idea of baby blue and lilac for my colors. And my maids are wearing those simple gowns with no sleeves and a simple curve to the hips. Nothing too fancy, just elegant." I replied with a smug tone. Nastasia looked at me with a face that made AJ laugh.

"I can't be your maid of honor." She suddenly blurted. I looked at her shocked, I already planned for her to be my maid of honor. She had helped me with everything up till the wedding. She deserved it.

"Why?" AJ asked, knowing I was distressed as he placed a comforting arm upon my shoulder.

"Because I'm going to look fat!" She whinned, I looked at her and rolled my eyes. She was funny, and I knew she was teasing me. She would never disappoint me. "I feel so ugly."

"You're never ugly." Howie smiled as he placed a kiss on the tip of her nose, making her giggle from the soft touch of his velvety lips. I even smiled at the cuteness.

"Sweetheart, you look fantastic." AJ answered, cheering her up a bit with his attention. Her, Chase, and I thrived on AJ's attention.

"You make pregnacy look sexy." I blurted with a laugh, pulling the words out of my thoughts.

"Thanks...I think..." She laughed, "I just think it's amazing that you two will be Mr. and Mrs. McLean in about a month."

"Yeah, I'm thrilled." I replied happily.

"And I'll still be Nastasia Notez." She replied with a laugh as Chase jumped out of the pool. Howie glanced at her oddly.

"AUNT STAZZIE! ME DIVED OFF POOD!" Chase called loudly as he jumped into Nastasia's arms. She laughed as he sat on the arm of the chair carefully. He still didn't understand there was a baby inside of her.

"You did baby?!" Nastasia replied with the same enthusiasm, making AJ and I laugh. They were such a pair together. And we loved it.

"Des!"

"Wow!"

"Why tummy so big?" Chase asked suddenly as he looked down at Nastasia's stomach. It wasn't as big as mine was in my eighth month. I was amazed at how tiny it was, but the Doctor assured it was normal. I hoped.

"Because I have a baby in there." Nastasia cooed as Chase stared at her with wonder. He tilted his head as Howie stared at the two, mesmerized. I guessed he was thinking.

"Baby?"

"Like you Chazzie."

"Mean I get baby broder?" Chase asked excitedly. AJ held in a laugh as he bent down. I smacked him playfully, trying not to laugh myself.

"No..." Nastasia smiled, "You'll have a little cousin..."

"Cosid? Boy or gird?"

"I hope it's a little girl." Nastasia laughed.

"BOY!" AJ and Howie suddenly blurted.

"Girl!" I chimed, backing up Nastasia. I thought it would be sweet. Chase would have a little girl to protect and keep safe. And I, Aunt Lauren, could spoil her along with her mother.

"But..." Howie was about to argue, but Chase spoke up again.

He leaned his head down onto Nastasia's stomach, listening to the steady beat of her breathing. He placed his hand on Nastasia's stomach and started to speak to the baby, "Hi baby cosid. You be okay in dere? Me want you to dome out doon. Uncle Owdie want you too. Me whuve you bery much."

Nastasia laughed as Chase pulled his head back up and kept his little hand on her stomach. She and I were afraid we might cry, the guys looked shocked.

"WOW!" Nastasia suddenly cried as Chase jumped. I watched as he looked down at her stomach, the baby was kicking! I could tell because Nastasia had scrunched up her perfect nose and made a little face. It was darling, even Howie was surprised as he stared at Nastasia.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER!? YOU HAVING THE BABY?! SHOULD I CALL 911?" Howie panicked as he jumped out of his chair. He had been like this for a couple of weeks, a panicking father. I laughed, it was adorable.

"No...C'mere..." Nastasia laughed as she pulled Howie's arms towards her. Chase stared in wonder as he kept his hand there. Nastasia gently placed Howie's hand on her stomach. AJ and I watched in wonder.

"MY GOD!" Howie whistled as the baby kicked again. He looked back to Nastasia who made the face again, he laughed as he kept his hand there, "It's kicking!"

"Yes..." Nastasia laughed as the baby kicked again.

"It's mine too!" Howie cried as he leaned in and kissed Nastasia gently, afraid he might cry right in front of her. She smiled as she kissed him back once more.

"MOMMY! DADDY! BABY IN DERE!" Chase called excitedly as Howie leaned in and kissed Nastasia passionantly. I looked to AJ, who was smiling.

"Let's go check it out." I smiled as he leaned in and kissed me too.

"Deal." He smiled as we walked over hand in hand to feel the baby kick, I smiled as he held my hand tightly. I knew we'd be like this, forever.

Chapter 95:

I admired the white princess wedding dress that clung to my slim figure. My hair was very neatly placed on the top of my head in a fancy bun with little ringlets hanging on both sides of my face. It was what I had always dreamed I would look like on my wedding day.

" You know how jealous I am of how good you look in that dress, right? " Nastasia asked as she appeared beside me.

" Why do you say that? " I replied as I turned to face her.

" Because you look perfect - you look like a princess. Now me on the other hand, I look like a bloated cow wearing a table cloth. "

I laughed at her sarcastic comment. She was wearing a beautiful baby blue dress. It was the color I had chosen for my bride's maids' dresses and Nastasia was my maitron of honor. " Would you stop being so hard on yourself? You're nine months pregnant and you still look amazingly beautiful in that dress. "

Nastasia closed her eyes as she placed one hand on her back for support and the other one her forehead.

" You feelin' ok? " I asked as I watched her face scrunch up in pain.

" Yes, I'll be fine, " Nastasia said. I knew she wasn't sure of her own words.

" Are you sure you can do this? " I asked. I had told her before that if she felt too weak to do it, I would understand, but she repeatedly told me she would be fine.

" Yes, I wouldn't miss this for the world, " Nastasia said as she offered me a bright smile.

" You look so beautiful honey, " my Mom, Sherrie, cooed as she walked up to the two of us.

" Thanks Mom, " I replied as I recieved a hug from her.

" I can't believe my little girl is getting married, " Sherrie said as a tear of joy sprung to her eyes. She began to fidget with the little ringlets that hung at the sides of my face. She always had a habit of fidgeting with my hair.

" Mom, stop, " I laughed as I gently brushed her hand away.

" I'm sorry. I just want it to be perfect. "

" Where's Denise? " I asked, looking around the room. Only Nastasia, my mother, the bride's maids and I were, were in the room.

" She went to go check on things in the altar. She wanted to make sure things were perfect, " Nastasia answered.

" Sound like anyone familiar? " I asked Nastasia as I looked at my mother.

My mother and Denise had always gotten along well when A.J and I were together, and had become close friends. So when they both knew A.J and I were to be married, they instantly teamed up and began planning my wedding, not leaving me much say. Their exact words were " It will be perfect ". I knew I could count on them and it would be perfect.

The arrangements of flowers were beautiful. Denise had taken care of that part. I had decided on Baby Blue and lilac being my wedding colors. My mother had been the one to help me choose my dress. It was amazing. A classic white, princess flowing wedding dress, a pearl bead design going down the front of it. A.J decided going with the classic black tuxes. Like they said, it would be perfect...

*****

" This is the big day, J. How are you feelin'? " Brian asked as he walked up to A.J, who was standing in front of the full length mirror and messing with his bow tie.

" Nervous as hell, so don't remind me 'Rok, " A.J replied sarcastically with a nervous laugh. " Tuxes are defenitely not my thing. " He reached into his pants pockets and paused as a look of surprise washed over his face. " Oh shit... "

" What's wrong? "

" The ring - it's not in my pocket! " A.J shouted as panic over took him. His eyes darted around the room as he racked his brain for any possible where abouts of the ring. " Shit! Where the hell is it?! "

" What's J freakin' about now? " Nick asked with an amused look on his face.

" He can't find the ring... "

" Lost the ring on your wedding day, man? Great going! " Nick joked.

" Don't make me beat you Nick! " A.J hissed.

" What are you looking for J? " Howie asked as he entered the room and placed his tux jacket on.

" The ring, damnit! I can't find the ring! "

Howie laughed. " Bro, if you would just look, it's over there on the table. "

" I look cool Daddy! " Chase exclaimed, running up to A.J. He was dressed in a tiny tux outfit and was wearing a pair of A.J's sunglasses. He looked completely adorable.

" Hey, what are you doing with my glasses, Chaser? " A.J asked as he picked his son up.

" B-wok say I can wear dem! "

" Oh really, he did... "

" You ready J? " Kevin asked, making last minute adjustments on his tux.

" Ready for what? " A.J asked absentmindedly.

" What do you mean ready for what? " Kevin said. " You havin' a brain fart or something? It's time for you to get married. "

A.J placed Chase on the ground and grabbed the ring off the table, then began walking towards the exit door at the opposite end of the room.

" Daddy! Door dis way! "

A.J turned around and laughed sheepishly. " Oh...um...ha ha...I knew that... "

*****

I was pacing around the room nervously as each second, minute passed by. It was nerve racking.

" Will you stop pacing? " Nastasia laughed. " You're making me nauteous. "

I rolled my eyes at her. My body was shaking with nervousness. ' Just breath ' I told myself as I watched the door open and Denise walked in.

" It's time, " she announced cheerfully, a bright smile on her face.

Chapter 96:

I stood at the entrance doors to the altar as the bride's maids made their way down the aisle. Then Chase, who was the ring bearer, began walking. He stumbled a little, but continued walking. A.J watched him proudly. Our little pride and joy.

It was my turn at last. All time and moving things seemed to stand still as I made my way down the aisle.

" Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join two souls, Alexander James McLean and Lauren Jade Helmbreck, together in holy matrimony, " the minister began as A.J and I turned towards each other.

I looked into his eyes and saw the passion burning within them. He grinned at me with pride as he stared back into my sapphire eyes.

" Do you, Alexander James McLean, take Lauren Jade Helmbreck, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to honor, love and cherish her? Be there for her in sickness and in health? For richer, for poorer, as long as you both shall live? "

A.J took my hand in his and slipped the ring on my finger. I could feel his hand shaking as he looked me in the eyes and said, " I do. "

" I believe you have something to say Alexander, " the minister said.

A.J nodded. He pulled a piece of folded paper out of his pocket and cleared his throat as he unfolded it. His voice was shakey as he spoke. " From the first day I saw you, I knew we were meant to be together. To me, you were like an angel sent from heaven above. Through the years that we were apart, it was misery to my heart. So I commit to you today...my heart, my love, my soul. Till the end of time, you will be mine, 'cause baby, I'm forever yours. And no matter how far we may ever be apart, Lauren baby, I will always love you with all my heart. "

I could feel a rush of tears coming on as I tried to choke them back. A.J squeezed my hand tightly as if fitting one of the last pieces into our puzzle like life. Only one more piece to go...

" And do you, Lauren Jade Helmbreck, take Alexander James McLean, to be you lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to honor, love and cherish him? Be there for him in sickness and in health? For richer, for poor, as long as you both shall live? "

Taking A.J's hand into mine, I looked into his eyes, still being mezmorized by the words he said. " I do, " I said, barely above a whisper as I slipped the ring on his finger.

" From the power invested in me by the heavenly father above and the state of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. "

I felt myself go weak in the knees as A.J pulled me into his arms. If it weren't for him, I would have surely fallen to ground, overwhelmed with happiness. For a second we just stared into each others' eyes as everyone clapped. Then, we engaged in the most passionate kiss I had ever experienced in my whole life. A kiss I had only ever dreamed of, and my dream came true.

*****

We had a very elegant wedding reception going on, including an excellent D.J, the most professional. A perfect buffet. Everything seemed almost fairy-tale like. The music being played was perfect. I couldn't of dreamed of anything better.

A.J and I both noticed how Nastasia seemed to grow more tired as the night progressed on. She sat at the table we were all seated at, newly weds, the groom's men and the bride's maids table. Howie wouldn't leave her side. He would just sit next to her, keeping his arm around her protectively.

A.J and I had just gotten pictures done, and I watched as Chase danced out on the dance floor with Nick. If I weren't mistaken, I could swear he was showing Nick up on the dance floor. He was a talented little dancer for a four year old. He was definetely A.J's son and Nastasia's nephew.

The music suddenly stopped and everyone began to clear the dance floor. " First, the bride and groom want to thank you all for coming tonight, " the D.J announced. " And I want to say it's a real honor that they chose me to provide the music scene for their reception. Now, it's that time people. Could you all please clear the dance floor, so that the bride and groom may share their very first dance as a married couple. "

A.J intertwined his fingers with mine as we slowly walked onto the dance floor, distracting me from anything that was going on. It was just us alone, out on the middle of the floor. I felt that tingling feeling surge through my body as A.J wrapped his arms around my waist. Then the music started.

Coming as a surprise, the opening notes for " I'll Be There For You " began to play and I watched out of the corner of my eye as Brian, Howie, Kevin and Nick appeared on the tiny platform next to the D.J with mics in their hands. I didn't know about any of this, it was all a surprise.

As Brian's melodic voice filtered through the speakers, A.J leaned forward and kissed me as I leaned into him, closing my eyes as I got lost in the moment.

Don't say a word
I understand
You wanna know, if I'm still your man
Girl can't you tell
By the touch of my hand
I'm gonna please you
Every way that I can
I'll hold you
( Hold you )
Love you
( Love you )
I'll never let your love go
For always
I'll stay
Just look in my eyes and you'll know...

I'll be there for you
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
Baby girl
I've got forever inside
For all of my life
I'll be there for you

Don't ever doubt
Your trust in me
I'll give you my heart
So honestly
Deep in my soul
Baby you'll find the truth
I will never change
Girl I promise you
I'll hold you
( Hold you lady )
Love you
( Love you lady )
I'll never let your love go
For always
( For always )
I'll ( I'll stay ) stay
Just look in my eyes and you'll know...

I'll be there for you
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
Baby girl
I've got forever inside
For all of my life
I'll be there for you

Nothing and noone can tear apart
You'll always be here inside of my heart
And just as sure as the stars shine above
No matter what happens
You can count on my love

I'll be there for you
Wherever you go
Whatever you do
Baby girl
I've got forever inside
For all of my life
I'll be there for you

Just as the guys went into the ending chorus, a cry of pain rang throughout the huge room and the music abruptly stopped.

Howie's eyes bulged out in panic as he dropped his mic and jumped off the platform, sprinting at lightspeed over to where Nastasia was now laying on the ground. " Stazzie! "

I could feel the panic level rising within me and could sense A.J's also as we pulled apart from each other and began to run over to their aid.

Hushed panicing voices filtered through out the crowd as everyone stared on worridly.

" Baby, oh god, baby, what's wrong? What's happening? Are you ok?! " Howie asked in a panic as he held Nastasia gently.

" Howie...I think it's time, " Nastasia's wabbly voice said quite calmly.

" Time? Time for what?! "

" I'm saying, it's coming Howie, " Nastasia said as her face scrunched up in pain.

" Coming? What's coming? God? Satan? Heaven? WHAT'S COMING?! " Howie yelled.

" Whoa D, calm down, " A.J said as he bent down next to Howie. I could tell by the look on his face that he was just about as worried as Howie was and it looked as if he had no idea what was going on. Like Howie, he had never experienced something like this before. " Stazzie, we don't understand, WHAT'S coming? You aren't making any sense. " Both of them looked more paranoid.

" I'm saying my water broke, JJ. "

" Huh? Stazzie, is that why you're in pain? Well that's no big deal, we can order another one for you, " Howie said as he tugged at his hair.

" THAT'S what's wrong? " A.J asked as confusion clouded his eyes. Denise was now attending to Nastasia as Kevin ran off to call an ambulance.

" No. "

" Then what? " Howie interrupted.

" I told you! " Nastasia stated impatiently, a look of " help me you idiot " on her face. I could tell she was becoming restless, and I knew she was in a lot of pain.

" Told me what baby? "

" That it's coming. "

" What is?! "

" The baby! "

" What about the baby?! "

" Damnit Howie! The baby! It's coming! "

Howie shot to his feet in surprise and began pacing around and then went into a run, shouting " Holy shit! I've got to call an ambulance! " I watched him in wonder, knowing it wasn't good.

" Yo D! Bro, watch out for that...wall... " A.J yelled but winced as Howie ran smack into one of the far walls. You would think he was on crack or something.

" What happened?! " Nastasia asked in a panic as she tried to sit up, but I placed my hand on her shoulder to keep her laying down.

" Nothing Stazzie, nothing. Just stay calm. Kevin went to call an ambulance and we're gonna get you to the hospital, " I said calmly. I could tell by the look in her ocean green eyes that she was panicing. Where was that ambulance anyways?

A.J stood up and ran over to Howie just as he sat up and began rubbing his head. " Shit, " Howie said and winced.

" You ok, D? " A.J said as he reached his hand out to help his friend up. He saw a small scrape on the side of Howie's forehead. He must have hit a sharp edge of the wall.

" I've got to call an ambulance! Shit! We need to get Stazzie to the hospital. We need to call an ambulance! " Howie rambled.

" Whoa D, calm down. We don't need you panicing more and running into more walls. Kevin already went to call an ambulance and it should be here any second, " A.J stated as he shook Howie to his senses.

Just as Nastasia cried out again, the doors burst open and three paramedics rushed in with a stretcher.

I felt relief rush through me as the paramedics reached us and began working on getting Nastasia onto the stretcher.

" I'm...I'm sorry I ruined your reception, " Nastasia managed to say as the paramedics helped her onto the stretcher and she gritted in pain.

" No Stazzie, you didn't ruin it. Don't even think that, " I soothed, giving a reassuring smile as I saw A.J and Howie run back over.

We all watched as they began to wheel Nastasia away, Howie running at her side and clutching onto her hand tightly.

Chapter 97:

AJ and I watched the ambulance disappear quickly. We found relief flooding through our bodies as everyone was still in a state of shock. Nick, Brian, and Kevin stood there for just a moment, waiting for us to speak.

"Wow..." I whispered, I had already gone through this. But never with my best friend being the one to have the baby. I felt like I should be there, but I thought AJ might be disappointed.

"Howie hit his head..." Nick whispered with a smile spreading to his face. Denise scoffed as she smacked Nick playfully. We all had to admit we would harrass him terribly for that.

"He did more than hit his head." Brian answered.

"The boy went postal." AJ chuckled.

"I don't think those words even discribe what he did." I replied.

"Wherd Aunt Stazzie and Uncle Owdie!" Chase bawled as he ran up to me and AJ. We looked down to see our son crying hysterically. His brown eyes dimming with confusion and panic. AJ scooped him up quickly.

"Aunt Staz is having her baby buddy." AJ answered softly as Chase continued to cry. I placed my arms around the both of them.

"Baby? Dow?" Chase sniffled.

"Yes, she's having your cousin right now sweetheart." I laughed as Chase looked to all the guys, who had become his Uncles also.

"Me want me Aunt Stazzie! DOW!" Chase whinned pitifully. He was worried about Nastasia more than the rest of us. I could understand how he felt. Denise laughed as AJ started to chuckle. He was stubborn, just like AJ. I suppose they were both realizing it too.

"Let's go see Aunt Stazzie then." AJ laughed as Nick and Brian looked lost.

"It's your wedding." Brian whispered.

"And my best friend is having her baby." AJ whispered back seriously, "I believe Lauren is thinking the same thing at the moment."

"Can we?" I asked softly as Denise and my mother started to pack up things. Assuring our guests everything would be all right. I knew they were shocked, I was too.

"If you want." AJ nodded.

"I know I'm going." Kevin answered, he had always been our big brother. Nastasia had always told me when he stuck up for her, even when Nick teased her.

"Let's go." AJ nodded.

"Me see Aunt Stazzie?" Chase sniffled as we walked out to the limo AJ had rented. We all looked back to Chase, who was staring at all of us quizzically.

"We're all going to see Stazzie." Brian laughed.

"Hopefully she won't kill us all." Nick smirked as we hopped into the limo. Nastasia had already forgiven him for his comment months earlier, and they were tight again. Which I was thankful for.

"We're coming Stazzie, just hold on." I silently whispered as I gathered my dress into the limo. I closed my eyes for just a moment, hoping everything would turn out like I had hoped.

Chapter 98:

We sat in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. We were really the only ones in there at the moment, except for two other people. Who looked at us oddly.

I looked down to realize that all of us were still in our wedding gear. I felt like I might laugh, I still had on my wedding dress! AJ fidgited with his tux and tie, I laughed. We were all uncomfortable.

"How long does it take for a person to have a baby?!" Nick called out irritantly as he loosened his tie. I laughed as he smoothed out his blond locks and messed them up a bit.

"I was in labor for..." I tried to remember, but my mother piped up.

"I believe Nastasia was in there with you for six hours."

"Nastasia was in there?" AJ asked me quizzically as Chase laid on the couch. He was irritated and upset that he still couldn't see Nastasia. I knew he missed her terribly already.

"Yeah, I had Chase naturally... So, she was in there with me. She helped me give birth to him. It was a pure miracle." I replied, remembering the look on her face as we heard Chase cry.

"Wow..." Brian whispered.

"I should be in there with her..." I whispered regretfully. Denise laughed as she placed a loving hand on my shoulder.

"I think Howie's driving her out of her mind by now... So, maybe it's safer if you stay out here." She laughed.

"Yeah baby, it might get ugly in there. She might not speak to him for weeks after this." AJ smiled as he leaned in and kissed me softly.

"That'd be ugly." I laughed as we parted our lips. He smiled as he drew me closer. We were married, I guess that's all that could possibly matter at the moment.

*********

"Hey! SHE HAD THE BABY!" Howie cried loudly as he came running down the corridor. He was dressed in the green scrubs, surprise and love scripted on his face. I saw a bandage above his eye. He must of hit the wall hard.

I found myself jumping up with everyone else. She had only been in labor for about three hours. An easier birth then Chase had been. I laughed as AJ jumped to give Howie a brotherly hug.

"So, you're a daddy?" Brian asked as he and the others jumped into the hug. I laughed as Denise and my mother crowded around me.

"Yes." Howie nodded.

"So, what'd she have? And when can we see her?" I asked as Howie came over to give me a tight hug.

"She'll tell you. She has the baby right now." Howie smiled, a sheepish grin that we couldn't wipe off his face. He looked to be in a trance, which was adorable. I knew he'd make a good father.

"We see Aunt Stazzie, Uncle Owdie?" Chase called out sleepily. He had fallen asleep on the couch. Howie smiled brightly as he scooped Chase up into his arms.

"We'll see her now." Howie grinned, leading us back down the hallway. Joy tore through my heart, I hoped she would feel the same.

***********

I entered the room first with AJ, Howie, and Chase. Everyone else followed behind. I glanced at the bed, Nastasia was propped up carefully with a tiny bundle in her arms.

I smiled brightly. She still looked beautiful. Her blonde hair hanging loosely behind her, not a strand really out of place. Her ocean eyes sparkling with a different light. When I reached her I found myself a bit jealous again, she was still slim. Even after having a baby! I knew she'd work the rest of the weight off in a matter of weeks.

"Hey Stazzie." AJ called softly. She looked up at Howie and AJ with a bright smile. Howie moved over to where she was laying and put a gentle kiss on her forehead. She laughed softly as he leaned down and placed one more kiss on her lips.

"Hey JJ..." She called back, sleep clogging her voice. I knew she was beat. Pushing a baby out of your body was hard work. I knew it from the past.

"Have baby?" Chase called nervously as AJ picked him up to let him see Nastasia. She gave Chase a tight nod as she looked down at the bundle in her arms.

"Hey Laurie..." Nastasia called, beckoning me over towards her. She gave me a shy smile as I came over and looked at her knowingly.

"Boy or girl?" I asked as she uncovered the baby. She gave Howie a sly smile. The baby was adorable, it's tiny hands gripping onto Howie's index finger as it gave a little coo. The baby had bronzed skin, and stared up at Nastasia with dark green eyes and I noticed the start of fuzzy blonde hair at the top of it's head. Pure cuteness, I knew the baby would turn out to be even more dazzeling as it grew older.

"Girl." Nastasia answered, "Alexandria Laurel Dorough."

Chapter 99:

I looked at Nastasia dazed as she told me the name of the baby. Howie laughed as AJ reflected the same look. Nastasia grinned back at us softly, Alexandria began to make some more cooing sounds as Nastasia rocked her softly.

"Why that name?" I blurted as Howie looked at Nastasia and Alexandria awkwardly. He was in a daze as he stared at both of them.

"Because it fits her perfectly." Nastasia answered me, I gave her a glare as she gave me a tired laugh. "I named her Alexandria for AJ, because he helped me through it all more than he'll ever know. And because of Chase's middle name, Alexander. He helped me realize that I wanted Alexandria. Then...Laurel because of you Lauren."

"Why me?" I whispered.

"Everything! You were there when my dad would strike me, telling me things would be better. Then on this trip you kept my head up when I found out I was pregnant with her. You helped me more than you'll ever know." She whispered softly back to me. I felt tears well up in my eyes as she placed the tiny bundle in my arms.

"She's...so...sweet..." I found myself whispering as I held Alexandria tightly. She was so tiny as she began to make a bit of whine.

"Very, just like her mother...and Aunt Lauren." AJ smiled as he wrapped his arms around Alexandria and I. We began to rock her gently together as Chase leaned over to peer at the baby.

"Baby?" He asked as he turned back to Nastasia. She looked at him and gave him a tight nod. Chase smiled as he leaned back into the baby. "Hi baby. Me whuve you."

Then he placed a gentle kiss on Alexandria's head. Something that sealed the bond between the two more than we would ever knew. More than Nastasia and I would ever have, hopefully.

*********

After a few hours Nastasia was left alone with Howie and Alexandria. She rocked the baby softly in her arms as she began to sing softly to her. Howie watched from the window, afraid to be too close.

"Baby, come here." Nastasia whispered after she watched Howie's eyes. They were bright, but sad also. Something was missing in them.

"What?" Howie asked softly as he walked over to the bed. Alexandria was sleeping peacefully in her mother's arms. Nastasia held her tight to her bosom, sharing the warmth she offered.

"You haven't held your daughter at all. What? You don't love her?" Nastasia pouted as Howie winced a bit. He looked down at Nastasia and placed a warm kiss on her lips.

"I love her Stazzie. She's beautiful. I just don't want to hurt her, or you." Howie whispered.

"You won't hurt her." Nastasia smiled as she leaned up softly and placed a sleeping Alexandria in Howie's arms. He gasped as he held onto her tightly. He looked down at her and then back to Nastasia.

"She looks like you." Howie whispered as he glanced from Alexandria to Nastasia.

"She's got your tan though, and appetite..." Nastasia laughed as Howie went and sat next to her on the bed. He gave Alexandria back to Nastasia, she rocked her gently for a few moments, then Alexandria was back asleep.

"I love you so much baby." Howie whispered, his dark brown eyes sparkled with warmth finally.

"Me or the baby?" Nastasia smiled.

"Both." Howie laughed.

"I love you a lot too." Nastasia whispered finally as she yawned a bit.

"Big day?" Howie asked as she closed her beautiful eyes for just a moment. She opened them back up and gave Howie a weak smile.

"I want to sleep, but I don't want you to leave."

"Then I won't."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Howie answered as he leaned down and kissed her softly on her velvety lips. She smiled once more as she and Alexandria drifted off into their slumber, making Howie burst with pride. And knowing he had to do something about it.

Chapter 100:

After just one day, Nastasia and Alexandria were allowed to go home. We were due at Nastasia's house in about a few minutes, she was watching Chase for a week. AJ had bought us a trip out to the bahamas for our honeymoon. We decided it'd be best to leave Chase with the person he loved the most, Nastasia.

AJ knocked on Nastasia's door hard. Chase was holding his overnight bag. I laughed, he was about as eager as I was. I laughed as Nastasia swung open the door.

"Hey Mr. and Mrs. McLean." Nastasia called wearily. Alexandria was currently cuddled up in Nastasia's arms with a blanket.

"Hey mommy. Where's daddy?" AJ laughed as he kissed her cheek. She laughed as she gave him a quick kiss back, then one for me.

I had to admit, for being a new mother she looked fantastic. She still had her slim figure, with a bit more of a curve in her hips. Her ocean eyes sparkling with warmth. I laughed, she was almost as adorable as Alexandria.

"Daddy's at his house. Sleeping. The little rat." Nastasia laughed and Chase looked up at her. "Hey Chazzie. Come to spend the week with Auntie Stazzie and Cousin Alexandria?"

"Yea! Me hold Alexia?" Chase asked her excitedly, he loved the little baby more than anyone. AJ and I laughed as we sat on the couch.

"Yeah, you can hold Alexia when she wakes up alright?"

"YEA!"

"Well, we better-" AJ was about to answer, but there was a urgent tap on the door. Nastasia paused for a moment and laughed. She gave little Alexandria to me and fixed her hair, then answered the door.

"Howie?" Nastasia asked questioningly, "You know you never have to knock. Just come right in..."

Howie looked like he was a mess. I laughed at his messy hair, all wild and not a piece in place. His clothing was wrinkled and looked to be slept in. AJ even laughed as he held Alexandria.

"I HAVE to say something!" Howie answered as he ran into the house. Nastasia looked at him quizzically, then shut the door behind him. "I've been thinking, I couldn't even sleep. I was thinking about what J said the other day..."

"WHOA! DON'T GET ME INVOLVED!" AJ whistled as I smacked him playfully. He smiled as I kissed him gently.

"Anyway, I love you so much. I love Alexia a lot too. I could not stand waking up in the morning not facing you. Please don't leave me." Howie whispered as he bent down on his one knee. I gasped as Nastasia looked shocked, he opened up a velvet box that held a large sapphire ring. "Marry me?"

"Howie..."

"Yes or No."

"Yes." Nastasia laughed as he jumped up. She smiled as Howie placed his lips onto hers and placed the ring on her finger. They continued kissing as I gave a squeal.

"Ewwww!" Chase frowned, AJ laughed.

"STAZ! MARRIED! HAHA!" I laughed as I jumped up and spun her in a circle. She laughed as she hugged me back tighter.

"Here daddy, hold your Alexia." AJ called as Howie smiled. AJ handed him Alexandria.

"Hey baby." Howie cooed as he placed a gentle kiss on Alexandria's forehead. She cooed as Nastasia felt like she might cry.

"Guess Stazzie has something to plan while we're away." AJ laughed as he looped his hand with mine, entertwining our fingers. It felt so right.

"Yuppers." Howie laughed as he bent down and kissed Alexandria lightly.

"Second Chances rock don't they?" AJ laughed.

"Very much." Howie nodded.

"We better get going." I laughed as I hugged Nastasia tightly again. Finally a smile that was true on her face. I felt so great right now.

"Bye, have fun." Nastasia called.

"You too! See you in a week!" I called as I shut the door. I knew Nastasia and Howie were sharing a kiss, one that would last forever.

"Love you." AJ whispered.

"You too." I whispered back, sharing the same kiss that Nastasia and Howie had. And this time, ours would last a lifetime too.