Chapter 1

The colored lighted flared brightly while the music boomed loudly. Among the club goers and those just looking to have a good time was a person who no longer had control over his emotions. All he wanted was to forget. To forget everything in his life that caused him pain. He wanted no reminders of the daily stress that he had to endure. Nor did he ever want to go back to that, but some how, he always did. Just as he thought that he was almost away, he was pulled back into it. All of him didn't want to leave his life behind, but he knew it was his life that was causing him pain. The only way to escape the pain was to escape his life. That proved easier said than done. Everytime he thought he had the courage to walk away, something kept him from actually doing it.

Lately, the other guys had been giving him a hard time about everything he'd been doing. They kept telling him about all the dangers of what he was doing to himself. What did they know? He'd been doing this for almost a year and he never felt better in his life which was just proof that he was going to be just fine. He knew that he could stop whenever he wanted to but he also knew that wasn't going to stop soon. Everything about it was just too amazing to him. Finally, he figured he would head home for the night. Things were cooling down anyway.

As he walked to his car in the parking lot, part of him wished that he could stay a bit longer, but he was outside now so he just may as well go home. Nick drove home with his car stero blasting. When he finally reached home, he let out a sigh of disapointment. He really didn't want to be there. He walked up to the front door and unlocked it. Then he quietly proceded to enter the house hoping that he didn't wake his girlfriend.

"Nickolas," came a familiar female voice.

"Shit," he whispered under his breath, "yes dear?"

"Where the fuck have you been?" she asked with her voice full of anger.

"Working with the guys," he lied.

"Bullshit, AJ called. He wanted to know what you were up tp but I'm sure he knew what you were doing since you weren't home."

"Look, I was working..."

"Nick please. Do you think I'm stupid? That I wouldn't notice you're drunk as hell? Besides, you smell like fucking beer. I know you've been going out getting drunk and probably high on something too. There's been the hangovers, don't think I haven't figured you out because I have and I'm out of here," she told him.

"You're not going anywhere," he replied.

"And who's going to stop me?" she asked.

"I am," he answered grabbing her arm tightly, preventing her from leaving.

"Nick, let me go. I told you I'm leaving and you aren't going to stop me," she told him trying to break free from his strong grip.

"You know you want to stay. I'm just helping you realize that," he said to her, getting into her face.

"You're drunk. I'll come back in the morning when you've sobered up."

"Baby I'm fine," he whispered, "so why don't we go upstairs and have a little fun."

"No."

"Don't tell me no. We're going to go upstairs and I don't want to hear another word from you."

"I told you no and I mean no. So get the fuck off me."

"I'm not going to take your bullshit," Nick yelled grabbing her other arm and pushing her down onto the couch.

"Let me go, you're hurting me," she pleaded, struggling to break free from Nick.

"Stop complaining and just enjoy it. I know you want to baby," he said kissing her neck. She continued to struggle with Nick as he continued to force himself on her.

"Don't do this Nick. This would be considered rape if I reported you."

"But you're not going to report me. You wouldn't do that, ever. I'll make sure of it," Nick warned.

"Please don't do this to me Nick. Just get off of me," she begged as Nick started to tug at her clothes. She tried to get free from under Nick, but he was too strong and was to heavy for her to move. She started to cry when Nick started to remove her clothes.

"Just be quiet and enjoy it," Nick said to her as he removed his own shirt, "You know you like what I do to you to make you feel so quit your bitching."

She just lied there as Nick did what he wanted to her. Tears started to pour down her cheeks silently after she stopped fighting Nick off. Nick smiled to himself when he felt her relax under him.

The she felt Nick lower his guard. She bit down on her lower lip. This was the only chance that was going to have to get away and she knew it. She decided to wait a moment longer just to make sure that Nick had indeed lowered his guard. She shut her eyes tightly when she felt Nick taking off her jeans. This was the time to act. When her pants were completely off, she used all of her strength to push Nick off of her. He hit the floor hard and she flew up from the couch. She knew that she didn't have time to get dressed so she decided to run upstairs and lock herself in the bedroom so that she could call for help.

She was only steps away from the stairs, that's when she heard Nick coming after her. She didn't stop running. She wasn't going to let Nick win. When she was almost at the top of the stairs, she felt Nick grab onto her body tightly. At first she struggled, but soon gave up when Nick threw her down on their bed and climbed on top of her. His hand went to her neck as he held her head down onto the pillow and she struggled to pull Nicks hand off of her.

"You're going to fucking pay for that," Nick growled as he heald her down.

"Nick...... I..... can't.......," she tried to force out as breathing became harder, "breathe." Nick moved his hand from her neck and she inhaled deeply, relieved that she was able to breathe again. Though she knew that Nick was probably going to hurt her so her feeling of relaxation didn't last long. Nick grabbed her arm tightly and turned her body so that her face was down on the pillow. He held her arm behind on her back and straddled her back side slowly leaning towards her ear. His other hand grabbing on to her hair. She screamed in pain when Nick pulled her head back.

"And think about it," Nick said with a grin on his face, "this has all just begun."

"Nick get off of me," she yelled with her tears running down her face.

"When I'm good and ready I'll do just that, but right now, I'm going to fuck you senceless and make you pay for that little stunt that you pulled down stairs."

"Oh god please don't do this," she begged when she felt Nick remove the rest of the clothes, her underwear, from her body and that's when the pain began.

Chapter 2

Nick opened his eyes to find himself in his bedroom with his head pounding. He didn't remember anything about last night much longer after he had reached the club. He remained on the bed trying to think back to see if he could remember anything about the night before and that's when he heard the crying. Slowly he sat up from the bed and he looked over at the bathroom which was held shut by a chair. He stood up and walked over to the door.

"Baby are you alright?" Nick asked with his voice sore and dry. He moved the chair and opened the door. He found his girlfriend sitting in the corner crying with her head in her lap. He walked over to her and put his hand on her shoulder.

"Get the fuck off of me," she yelled. Nick pulled his hand away and then sat down on the floor next to her.

"What happened?" he asked.

"Oh like you don't fucking know," she yelled refusing to look up at him.

"Baby I don't. I don't remember anything," he answered her, "so please tell me what happened," he told her and put his hand back on her shoulder.

"I told you to get the fuck off of me," she yelled again and Nick once again took his hand back.

"Honey look at me," he said noticing that she had yet to lift her face.

"No," she answered him.

"Please, I want to talk to you but you need to look at me," he explained to her. Slowly she looked up at him. He silently gasped when he saw the bruses on her face. She had a black eye and cuts all over her face. He shut his eyes tightly, quietly praying that he hadn't done that to her.

"Yeah Nick, you did it," she said as if she had read his thoughts, "and you raped me too. You tried to strangle me." Nick kept his eyes shut as he took in what she said. He had raped her and abused her. What the fuck led to that?

"Why did I come after you?" Nick asked opening his eyes and looked back at her.

"I told you I was leaving for the night because you were drunk. Then you tried to talk me into having sex with you but I told you no then you forced yourself on me," she told him crying. Nick leaned over to hug her. He put his arms around her but she pulled herself away from him. "I don't want you to fucking touch me."

"Baby," he said, "look, last night was an accident. I didn't know what I was doing. Please tell me that you aren't leaving."

"Nick this wasn't the first time you came home drunk and fucking came after me. It was just the other times I was able to get away from you. Last night you overpowered me. And if you really think that I'm going to stay...," she said standing up from the floor and then walked into the master bedroom," you're crazy."

"Come on, it won't happen again," Nick said to her as she pulled out a bag and then started to put her clothes into it.

"Damn straight because I'm leaving," she answered him, "I'm not going to stay in a relationship with you because every night you go out get drunk and come back here and attack me. I don't know why I stuck around this long, maybe I thought that you could change, but I was wrong. You're never going to change."

"Baby, you've got me wrong," he said to her, "I can change. I just didn't want to before because I didn't think that I was hurting anyone. Baby please don't leave me. I love you I need you."

"Well Nick you should have thought about that before you went out last night and got as fucking drunk as you did."

"I thought I could handle it," he said to her taking her arm into his hand.

"Get off of me," she said pulling her arm out of his hand, "I don't care what you thought because it was wrong and if you think that there is anything that you can say to make me stay then you've completely lost it."

"Marry me," he said desperately. She dropped her bag and laughed.

"You can't be serious," she said looking at him, crossing her arms in front of her chest. Nick stood there and looked at her seriously.
"I am. So what do you say?" he asked.

"I say you're fucking stupid," she answered and then picked up her bag and then started to walk out of the bedroom. Nick followed hehind her as she started to walk down the stairs.

"Come on, I'm serious," he said to her pleadingly.

"That's what you think," she answered as she kept walking, "you're just saying that because you want me to stay but I've already told you I'm not. Besides, you'll just end up in another club tonight and come home the same way you did last night."

"No, I wanted to spend the day with you and talk about what happened. Ya know and maybe work things out."

"No, there isn't anything to work out. I don't want to be with you. I don't want any kind of relationship with you. You've caused so much more shit than you're worth," she told him as she put her bag in the car.

"Kerry," he said softly, "don't leave me like this." She leaned over and lightly kissed his cheek.

"I wish I could say it's been fun," she said as she opened the door of her car and took off. Nick just stood there and watched her car go into the distance.

"Fuck," he said when he couldn't see her car any more. He turned and walked back into his house. He walked into the living room with anger building inside of him. He looked around the living room and started to take his anger out on the furnature. Throwning things down to the floor, swinging at lamps and screaming at no one.

Then Nick decided to go into the kitchen. He needed to do something about his mood. When he walked into the kitchen, he looked around and then walked to the frige. He opened the door and reached in a grabbed a beer and then closed the door. Then just as he went to open the bottle, he looked at it and then placed it on the table.

"That's what got me here in the first place," Nick mumbled then walked out of the ktichen and to the stairs. He sighed as he walked up to his bedroom. He looked around, Kerry had taken most of her stuff. It had only been a few minutes but he missed her already. He did love her, and she knew that. It was just that sometimes he did things like that, but he never ment it and last night was the worst of it all. He had never hurt her like that before and he felt horrible about it.

Nick decided to take a shower so he walked into the bathroom and looked over to where she had been sitting when he opened the door. He sighed and turned the water on in the shower. Then he walked over to the medicine cabinet and opened the mirror. He reached in and grabbed a bottle. Then he opened it and put a few of the pills in his mouth and the shut his eyes and let his head fall to the mirror. He took in a deep breath as the pills began to take effect and his mind started to wonder from the real world and into his own little universe.

"I'm lying here on the floor where you left me,
I think I took too much. I'm crying here what
have you done? I thought it would be fun."
~P!nk "Just Like A Pill"

Chapter 3

"Nick man wake up," Nick heard as he felt someone tapping his face lightly. He didn't open his eyes, he felt like that he didn't even have the strength to do even that.

"Maybe we should call 911, he might need an ambulance," someone else said. The voices were familiar to him. He knew who these people were yet he still couldn't open his eyes.

"Yeah, sounds like a good idea," another one answered and then Nick heard him dialing the number but he must have walked out of the room because he didn't hear him talking again.

"What do you think happened?" one of them asked.

"I think only Nick knows that."

"Where am I?" Nick asked.

"Nick, are you alright?" he was asked when he opened his eyes. He saw the fuzzy outline of Brian.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he answered, "but where am I?"

"Home," Brian answered with a worried look on his face.

"What happened kid?" Kevin asked and knelt down by Nicks side. Nick blinked a couple of times trying to see them clearer but everything was still fuzzy to him.

"Is Kerry here?" he asked sitting up but getting dizzy and then Kevin pushed him back down onto the floor lightly with his hand.

"No, she was gone when we got here," AJ answered from the distance.

"Shit," he said and closed his eyes again.

"What happened to her Nick?" Brian asked, concerned.

"She left me," he answered.

"Why? What happened?" Kevin asked.

"I think I have an idea," AJ said. Both Kevin and Brian looked at AJ who was standing at the door way of the bathroom. Just then, Howie walked into the bathroom and saw that Nick was awake.

"He's alright," Howie said, "should I cancel the ambulance?"

"No," AJ answered, "he might need it."

"I'm fine," Nick protested.

"Then why don't you stand up?" AJ asked. When Nick tried to sit up, Kevin made him lay back on the floor.

"Don't try to get up Nick," he ordered, "so now why don't you tell us what the hell happened in here?"

"Nothing, she was pissed that I came home and I was a little drunk. That's all, she got mad at me this morning and she left. That's when I came up here to take a shower."

"You didn't make it there buddy," Brian told him, "what did you do to yourself?"

"Nothing," Nick answered quickly.

"Then what are these?" AJ asked handing walking over to hand the bottle to Brian. Brian looked down at it then up at Nick.

"Nick these can kill you," Brian yelled, "how many did you take?"

"I don't know a few," he answered.

"Who gave you these?"

"A friend of mine at the club, but chill Brian. There's nothing bad about them."

"Nothing bad?" Brian yelled, "you must have collapsed after you took them. When we got here you were out cold. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"This was the first time that this happened. I must have taken too much, usually I'm alright. That was it, just leave me alone awhile and I'll be fine. Don't worry about it."

"The ambulance is here," Howie said while looking out of the window, "I'm going to go downstairs and let them know that we are up here."

"I'll go with you D," AJ answered and the two of them walked into the bedroom and out into the hallway.

"What was that?" Howie asked, "what Nick took."

"Drugs, it's popular in clubs and stuff," AJ explained, "it's kinda like extacy but its not. Though it can fuck him up just as bad."
"So what do you think happened?"

"Nick overdosed," AJ said to him seriously, "we're up here," AJ called down to the paramedics. Howie didn't say anything else. The paramedics followed AJ and Howie into the bathroom where Nick was still laying.

"You gentalman are going to have to back away," one of them said to Kevin and Brian. Brian nodded and they stood up and walked over to where Howie and AJ were waiting in the bedroom. They watched as they took Nick out.

"Come on, let's go to the hospital," AJ told them and walked out of the bedroom. Brian was the first to follow and soon the others joined them down stairs. They went to the hosptal in the car that they had driven to Nicks house in in complete silence.

Once at the hospital they were told to wait because doctors were looking over Nick. While in the waiting room, no one said anything to each other. They just sat back and let everything sink in. There were only glances shot towards one another. Everytime someone went to say something, they didn't. No matter what anyone had to say, it felt like now was the wrong time.

They waitied and they waitied. No one moved and the time seemed to drag on forever. Just when they thought that things weren't able to get any worse. That was when the doctor walked in to greet them.

Chapter 4

"Is he going to be alright?" Brian asked jumping from his seat when he saw the doctor come into the private waiting room.

"He's alive," the doctor answered, "I'm Dr. Rivera. I'm going to tell you that Nick is very lucky. The mix of drugs and alcohol in his system was pretty high. That explains why he collapsed. His body couldn't handle it so it shut down. We ran some tests and your friend was very lucky that the drugs didn't have a stronger effect, it could have caused him to slip into a comma or have even killed him."

"Shit," AJ whispered.

"Is he going to be alright?" Howie asked.

"He'll be fine as long as you get him off of the drugs and away of the alcohol. In this case, I suggest constant supervision. Rehab is another suggestion but the person has to be willing to enter it or it's not going to help and Nick doesn't seem to realize what he did to himself. Or at least what can happen to him if he doesn't stop. Honestly, I think he's lucky to have gotten this far."

"His girlfriend was living with him up until this morning. She was always with him," AJ commented, "I don't think him having a baby sitter is going to help."

"I don't think that Kerry was strong enough to take on Nick like that," Kevin told AJ, "He is a pretty big guy after all. One of us might be able to keep him home. I think that we are all the hope that he has right now."

"Can we talk to him?" Brian asked.

"Yes," the doctor answered, I'll take you there right now. But I do want to keep him here another few nights just to make sure that everything is out of his system."

"Alright thank you," Brian replied. The doctor led them to Nicks room. Once they had arrived a feeling of uneasyness overcame them. They weren't really sure what they were going to do about Nick. Helping him required his part and no one was sure that he was ready to do that just yet. It was probably going to take something more serious to make him change his mind. Though this was definately a serious problem.

The doctor left them before they had entered the room. He must have senced the uneasyness in the atmosphere around the guys or just thought that they might want to talk to Nick alone. No one made any moves to go into his room, nor did they say anything.

"Rok we should go in and talk to him," AJ said breaking the silence.

"Yeah I know," he answered.

"So what are we waiting for?"

"I don't know."

"Well, if you guys aren't going in, I am," AJ said to them, "besides maybe he needs to talk to someone that knows where he's coming from."

"Yeah that's a good idea," Howie said, "AJ you go in and talk to him and I guess the rest of us will take turns going in there and saying something to Nick. Maybe then we might reach him."

"It's going to take a hell of a lot more than us to reach him," AJ said before dissapearing into Nicks room.

"What did he mean by that?" Howie asked.

"I have no idea, but I think he knows what he's talking about," Kevin replied.

"Nick," AJ said as he shut the door behind him.

"Look I don't want to talk to anyone right now," Nick said as he turned away from AJ and then closed his eyes as if he thought that he would be able to escape into his own little world.

"I don't care if you don't want to talk to anyone right now," AJ snapped but then quickly regained his composure, "We're all worried about you. The doctor said that this over dose could have killed you, man. You can't do that any more. I mean I understand where you're coming from, it's like that was your only way to escape the pain, Kerry leaving and all. But like me, you have to realize that what you're doing is wrong and it can kill you and none of us want that for you."

"When can I leave this place?" Nick asked ignoring what AJ had told him.

"In a few days, the doctor wants you to stay here until everything is out of your system then they are going to let you go home, in someones care," AJ explained.

"Hold up, I don't need a fucking baby sitter," Nick shouted turning to AJ with anger written plainly across his face.

"Yeah well, you showed us what you're going to do if we leave you alone so there is no way that any of us are going to leave you alone, at least not until we're sure that you've gotten the help that you need and trust me, I am not that easy to get rid of and I'm sure that you'll figure that out very soon," AJ warned.

"I don't need you around or anyone for that matter! I can take care of myself. Can't you see that AJ!?" Nick yelled.

"No you can't Nick. I mean if taking care of yourself is over dosing and ending up in a fucking hospital is taking care of yourself then you're doing a damn good job, but here's a bit of reality for you Nick, it's not. And if you keep this up your going to fuck yourself up so badly that we aren't going to able help you at all. Right now you have a chance and I want to take that chance to help you help yourself."

"Oh come on, you got yourself into this shit too so don't tell me about how you want to help me. Because you know what? It's all bullshit and you know it," Nick said with his voice filled with anger.

"You want to know what the difference between me and you is Nick?" AJ asked looking at Nick with such an anger in his eyes that even the dark sun glasses that he was wearing couldn't hide it, "I was man enough to say that I had a problem. I was man enough to say that I fucked up and that I needed help. That and I didn't let it get this far, I didn't nearly kill myself! Now Nick, you have the choice of making this easy for both of us and working with me or working against me and putting us both through hell, it's up to you."

"Whatever," Nick said and turned away from AJ again.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," AJ said as he left the room.

Chapter 5

"J what happened?" Brian asked as he watched AJ storm out of Nicks hospital room with anger.

"Nothing that I should be too angry at," AJ answered, "I mean I should have known that he wasn't going to see things how we saw it."

"That he needs help?" Kevin asked.

"Yeah," AJ told him relaxing a bit, "and by the way, he hates the fact that he has to be baby sat and that's why I'm definately going to take first watch."

"I thought that you weren't too crazy about that idea yourself," Howie commented.

"I'm not, but I just think if he would listen to me, I could help him. I mean I know a lot of the tricks and stuff so he won't be able to get away with a lot, if anything."

"I don't know if you should put yourself in that situation," Brian told him, "I don't think that it would be a good idea just yet."

"Rok, I'm fine. You don't have to worry about me. I'm happy and I'm not going to do anything to fuck that up," AJ informed him, "so relax."

"Yeah I know you'll be alright," Brian replied, "just lookin out for ya."

"I'm going to go to Nicks and get rid of everything that could mess him up," AJ said to them, "D you wanna come?"

"Um, sure," he answered.

"You guys talk to Nick maybe you can talk some sence into him. Me and D are going to make sure that this doesn't happen again," AJ said as he started to walk out of the hospital with Howie right behind him.

"So what are we going to do?" Howie asked.

"Get rid of all the pills and shit in the house. Anything that could fuck him up. Any kind of temptation isn't good at all. Ya know what I'm saying?" AJ asked.

"Yeah I get it."

"Good."

Once they were at Nicks house, AJ stepped out the car and walked up to the front door. It was a good thing that they had been at his house otherwise the door might have been locked. AJ opened the front door and walked inside. Howie was close behind him.
"I'm going to go upstairs and get rid of the drugs," AJ said, "you stay down here and dump anything with alcohol in it."

"Yeah no problem," he replied and then walked off to the kitchen. AJ walked up the stairs and through Nicks bedroom and into his bathroom. He picked up the bottle that had been dropped on the floor when they left for the hospital. AJ opened it and emptied the contents into the toilet. He then went to the medicine cabinet and started to do the samething with every bottle that was in there. In the back of his mind, he had the feeling that Nick had slipped some stuff into some of these other things.

Once all the bottles had been emptied, AJ flushed the toliet. He watched as it all went down the drain then he walked into the bedroom. He looked around the room to see if there was any place that Nick could have hidden anything. He walked over to the closet and started to go through the shoe boxes that lay in there. Once he felt that he had done a good enough search, he moved on to the next one. When he had gone through them all, he hadn't found anything. Which was a slight relief. Then AJ started to look through the draws of Nicks dresser. Again, he found nothing. He decided to go down stairs and see how Howie was making out. AJ walked into the kitchen to see Howie emptying bottles.

"I got everything upstairs," AJ said to him.

"I'm working on the last of it down here," Howie answered.

"Yeah, but just incase, we might want to take a look around the house and see if he hid anything. As far as I can tell there isn't anything else in the house. I went through his room and I didn't find anything else. That bottle we found might have been his only fix."

"Okay, I'm almost done," Howie told him.

"I'm going to take a look around while you finish up," AJ told him then walked out of the kitchen and into the livingroom. There really wouldn't be too many places for Nick to hide anything in here since there was a chance that Kerry might find it or anyone that came into his house. AJ walked over to the entertainment center and started to open the doors and look around, just incase. Nothing.
Once he had done a check of the living room, he started to check all around the house. He checked the other bathrooms in the house but there wasn't anything in any of them. There was nothing in the guest bedrooms. As a matter of fact, there wasn't anything else in the whole house.

"You find anything?" Howie asked when he saw AJ walking into the living room.

"No nothing. We got everything that he had," AJ answered, "maybe we should call Rok and let him know that we cleaned out Nicks place."

"You think he's still at the hospital?"

"I don't know. Call his cell and lets see," AJ replied. Howie pulled out his cell phone and dialed Brians cell phone number.
"Brian," Howie said, "it's Howie and AJ."

"How'd it go?" Brian asked.

"We cleaned everything out. AJ went through the whole house but we didn't find anything else other than what we knew about," Howie told him.

"You guys checked everywhere?"

"Yeah, there isn't anything in the house at all."

"Gimmie the phone D," AJ said and Howie nodded and passed him the phone.

"Rok, there isn't as much as an asprin in the house. I got rid of everything. When they let Nick out of the hospital, he can come back here and he won't find anything," AJ told Brian.

"You checked everywhere?"

"Yeah I did. I went through all the closets, bathrooms, and the livingroom, everything. D dumped all the drinks. This place is clean," he assured Brian, "are you still at the hospital?"

"Yeah, Kev's in with him right now. I tried talking to him but he just wouldn't listen to me, no matter what I told him. It was like he didn't care," Brian said then sighed.

"That's because right now he doesn't care," AJ told Brian, "none of this is bothering him because he thinks that as soon as he gets home, he's going to be able to go back to the way he was and once he see's that ain't fuckin happening, he might have some sence knocked into him."

"I just hate to see him like this," Brian confessed.

"I know, and so do I," AJ replied, "but we're going to help him. Like you guys helped me. So don't worry, he'll be alright, we just have to give him time."

"Things were different with you. You had said that you needed help, Nick doesn't seem to think that yet. What the hell can we do to help him if he doesn't work with us?"

"Rok, that's why I came here and did what I did. By keeping him clean is helping him. 'Cause if he goes back to that we've lost him completely. Don't worry man, we're going to get him through this even if we have to drag him kicking and screaming."

"It's gonna be rough," Brian commented.

"Yeah but you don't give up Rok. You were the biggest help for me and you're going to do the same for Nick. He just might need more of a push then I did, that's all," AJ told him.

"Yeah I know," Brian answered, "I'm going to let you go and see what I can do in there with Kev."

"Alright, good luck Rok," AJ replied.

"Yeah I'm going to need it," Brian said with a slight laugh.

Chapter 6

AJ pulled into the parking lot of the hospital with Brian in the passanger seat. It had been three days since Nick had to go to the hospital and they were about to take him home for the first time. They had checked over Nicks house again just to make sure that they hadn't missed anything. After helping AJ, Brian had told him that he wanted to stay with the both of them because he thought in his heart that he might be able to help Nick get better. AJ agreed knowing that since Brian was Nicks best friend, having him around might help Nick come around faster.

"We're here Rok," AJ said to Brian. Brian smiled and looked over at AJ.

"I knew that," he answered with the smile slowly sliding off his face
.
"He's going to be alright ya know?" AJ said as he opened his car door and stepped out of the car.

"I wish I could believe that right now," he answered as he too stepped out of the car.

"Come on Rok, we did everything that we could to help him. All we gotta do now is keep him clean and everything is going to be alright," AJ said, hoping to make Brian feel better.

"Yeah well, I keep thinking that Nick is going to find away around what he did and then we're going to lose him again."

"Don't worry. We've been through every room in the house. There isn't anything anywhere that might hurt him. I told you, I even got rid of the asprin when me and D went through the place. There's nothing to worry about, as far as Nick starting again. But the mood swings and shit are going to be hell."

"Are we going to be able to handle that?" Brian asked as they began to get closer to the hospital.

"Yeah, I mean since there is two of us," AJ answered, "if anything, we got each others backs, but I doubt it'll come to that. Nick will probably be so down he won't do much until we can dig 'em out of it."

"What if we can't?"

"Rok, stop with the 'what if's' alright? Come on, there's four of us and one of him. Besides, there are a lot of doctors that we can take him to if things get too bad alright? So there is no need to worry."

"Yeah well, I see a pretty big damn reason to worry. This could cost Nick his life."

"Not anymore. Since all the drugs and shit are gone, there's nothing to worry about. We'll stay at Nicks side at all times. There will be no way that he's going to be able to hurt himself in anyway. I mean come on Rok, I know you, and I know for a fact that you wouldn't let him get any worse, so don't doubt yourself," AJ answered as they walked into the hospital.

"Look doctor, I don't need a fucking baby sitter alright?" Nicks screams came as AJ and Brian walked down the hallway. Brian looked over at AJ, but he just kept walking so Brian did too.

"Carter," AJ interupted, "get your ass over here right now. We're taking you home."

"Fuck you AJ. I don't need you to take me home. I can take myself home," he snapped.

"Really?" AJ asked, "I'd like to see that since you don't have your car and me and Rok are the only ones here that know the way to your house. So I would say that unless you let me and Rok drive, you sure as hell ain't goin' no where." Nick looked at AJ but didn't say anything.

"Fine, but as soon as I get home, you two better leave," Nick said storming through the hallway. Brian looked over at the doctor as if to tell him that they weren't going to leave Nick. When Brian turned back around, AJ was already headed down the hallway. He ran to catch up with him and stopped running when he was two steps behind him. When they arrived outside, Nick was standing there waiting for them.

"Your ride awaits you," AJ said as he walked out into the parking lot. Nick rolled his eyes then walked after the two of them.
"So Nick, how are you feeling?" Brian asked hoping to get Nick to open up to him. He wanted Nick to do that so bad that it almost hurt everytime that Nick pushed him away.

"Like I don't want to talk right now," he answered and then opened the door to the backseat of the car. Brian sighed and then opened the door to the passangers seat and then sat down. He looked over at AJ, who was looking back at him. AJ turned his head and then started the car then they were off. Once they were far enough away from the hospital, AJ attempted to talk to Nick.

"Nick, when you get home, me and Rok are gonna stay with you," AJ started and Nick turned to look in AJ's direction.

"Like I've said a million times, I don't need a fucking baby sitter," Nick snapped.

"You may think that you don't but the rest of us do. You're just going to have to get used to us being around cause there ain't nothing that you can do to make us leave," AJ answered him strongly.

"Fuck you AJ," Nick replied.

"Shut up Nick before you make this any worse! You did this to yourself Nick. All of this is happening because of what you did so don't give me any shit. You're the one that wanted to mess up his life. You knew what could have happened to you."

"Pretty strong words from a man who was in the same place I was a year ago. Wouldn't you say?" Nick asked full of anger.

"But you know what Nick? I got myself help, you're just getting yourself into more trouble so don't give me any fucking attitude! You were the one that willingly got yourself into all of after seeing what it did to me so you shouldn't be talking," AJ snapped back.
"Guys come on, don't do this. Don't make this miserable for all of us," Brian interupted and then turned to Nick, "Look Nick, we're just doing this to help you not to piss you off. We want to make sure that you're alright. We don't want anything to happen to you okay buddy?"

"Brian, I've been fine all this time. I don't need any help from anyone," Nick answered him.

"You were just in the hospital man. I don't think that's what you would call fine. You need help and weather you like it or not."

"Whatever," Nick answered as he sat back on the seat and looked out the window again. Taking himself away from Brian and AJ because he just didn't want to listen to them.

Chapter 7

"Carter open this door right now!" Kevin yelled as he began to bang on the door. AJ looked over at him but wasn't really sure what to say.

"I've tried that," he finally said, "he's been like that since we got here. Don't worry, there isn't anything in there at all. I got rid of everything, even the asprin, everything."

"Yeah well, it's not good to let him stay locked inside," Kevin replied softly as he stopped banging on the door.

"I know that," he answered, "so what are we going to do now?"

"We have to get him out of there."

"How?"

"I say we break the door down," he answered as he started to look over the door, as if seeing how much strength it would take to knock down.

"Are you crazy Kev?" AJ asked.

"No, but can you think of any other way to get in there?"

"No but.."

"No but's AJ. We need to make sure that Nick isn't up to something. He doesn't need to be rushed to the hospital again."

"Fine," AJ said giving in, "lets give it a shot."

"I think I can take it down myself," Kevin said glancing at AJ, "it doesn't look like it was made to put up with someone slamming into it."

"You think," AJ mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, just hit the damn door already," AJ answered.

"Alright," Kevin replied, and then stepped away from the door,"1..2..3," he said and then he collided with the door, sending it flying open.

"What he fuck was that for?" Nick yelled when he turned and looked at Kevin and his now broken bed room door.

"Because you wouldn't open the god damn door," Kevin snapped.

"Can't I have any time to myself?" Nick asked.

"Not when you have your door locked and we can't get to you," AJ answered, "and especially when you don't answer us when we come up here."

"AJ stop giving me that shit," Nick yelled, "you're the last person that I want to hear it from."

"Why, because I know what the fuck I'm talking about?" AJ yelled back.

"AJ," Kevin said softly, "don't."

"Why shouldn't I? I don't see anyone else trying to talk some sence into him. I'm just..."

"Drop it AJ," Nick interupted, "you're just making this worse! You're treating me like a fucking baby! I don't want that. Did you ever think that this happened because I was sick of being treated like a fucking kid?"

"Nick relax," Kevin said hoping to clam Nick.

"No, and you're no fucking better either. Always barking orders, like you were my father or something. Well, I've got news for you Kevin, I'm not a baby and I don't need someone telling me what to do all the time!"

"You know I was just looking out for you," Kevin defended.

"Why didn't you ever let me look out for myself? I am capable of doing that, ya know! I can do things for myself and I can take care of myself. I don't need anyone telling me that everything I do is childish and that I should act my age. I'm just sick of it," Nick yelled.

"If you had grown up then we wouldn't have had to do all of that," Kevin snapped.

"Maybe I wasn't ready to grow up! Shit, I'm 22 years old. I don't think that I should be all that grown up alright?!"

"Nick," AJ said, "chill man. About what you're saying, Kev was tellin the truth. We just wanted to make sure that you ended up alright. I guess we kinda took it a little too far, but we didn't mean to. Come on, you're the little brother I never had, I didn't mean to do anything bad to you."

"Well you did," Nick said with tears starting to form in his eyes.

"Tell me what I did," AJ asked. Nick shook his head.

"Come on, you know," he answered.

"No I don't tell me Nick please.
"
"When you left," he said trying to hold back his emotion, "when you were drinking. I didn't know what to do. This all just happened and it made me feel better alright? It was just so much easier to do that and forget about it then to face the truth."

"You shouldn't have gone down the road that I did. I mean I know you saw what it did to me. What made you think that it wouldn't do the samething to you?"

"Nothing, it just made me forget about everything. Everything. I was just so stressed out about everything and I didn't know what else to do."

"It's okay man," AJ answered walking towards Nick, "but we're here to help you alright?"

"What's the use?" Nick asked, "I'm just going to mess everything up again. Don't waste your time, I'm not worth it."

"Yes you are Nick," Kevin said, "if we didn't think that me and AJ wouldn't be here right now. We wouldn't care about what happened, but we do okay?"

"No, I've already lost what I love the most," Nick said softly, "and she isn't coming back."

"What exactly did happen with Kerry?" AJ asked.

"I really don't remember," Nick answered, "I was so wasted that I really don't even remember coming home. When I woke up though, she was locked in the bathroom crying."

"You went to talk to her right?" Kevin asked.

"Of course I did. I wasn't about to leave her in there to cry herself to death," Nick responded.

"So what did she tell you?" AJ wondered. Nick looked over at AJ with his eyes filled with tears. He didn't want to say it, "What happened Kaos? You can tell us, no matter how bad it is."

"I raped her," he whispered in reply.

"Oh my god," Kevin responed, "Nick you didn't."

"I did," he answered with the realization hitting him along with rememberance of that night and then he whispered, "I'm starting to remember it now. What did I do to her? I'm such a fucking idiot." He rubbed the back of his neck and then fell onto the bed and shut his eyes.

"What do you remember?" AJ asked.

"I remember coming home and me and her got into an arguement after she had refused to come up here. I forced her down onto the couch and I started to take off her clothes. Then she relaxed and I lowered my guard and she was able to knock me off of her. She ran for the stairs, I went after her. I caught her and took her in here and threw her down onto the bed and I put my hands around her throat. She couldn't breathe and I let go. Then I turned her face down onto the bed and pulled her hair back so that she was facing me. She was crying so hard but I didn't stop. That's when I raped her," Nick explained with tears starting to roll down his cheeks, "and when I was finished, I locked her in the bathroom and that's where I found her the next morning."

"Nick, I don't know what to say," AJ said, breaking the silence that had fallen between the three of them after Nick had told them about what he did.

"It's not like you have to say anything. I did it to her," Nick replied with the tears still on his face and in his eyes. "I tried to apologise, but she wouldn't let me. I told her that it wouldn't happen again and she said that was because she was leaving. J, what am I supposed to do?"

Chapter 8

AJ leaned back into the chair and sighed. He watched as the people walked by the resturaunt that he was at. Soon he leaned foward and rested his head on his hands as he continued to look out the window. He squinted when he thought he saw someone that looked familiar. Then he realized, it was Kerry. He jumped up from the table and ran outside after her.

"Kerry," he yelled and she stopped and turned to see AJ running towards her.

"Hi AJ," she replied softly.

"How've you been?" he asked, seriously.

"What do you mean?" she asked, hoping that he didn't know what happened between her and Nick.

"The last time I talked to you was when I called looking for Nick. I wanted to know what you've been up to since," he answered, hoping that she would be honest with him about what happened.

"Oh," she said, a little bit relieved, "I've been okay."

"Good," he answered, nodding, "so, how’s Nick?"

"Okay," she replied, thinking that he didn’t know that they had split up. She was glad because she really didn’t feel like talking about it. Only she and Nick knew what went on that night and she wanted to keep it that way.

"I was about to have some lunch, you want to join me?" he asked.

"No, but thanks for the invitation. I really need to be going," she said as she started to walk away from AJ. He watched as she started to walk and knew that he had to say something.

"Kerry I know what happened that night," he said, causing her to stop and turn to face him instantly, "I know what Nick did to you. I know that you two broke up." She looked at him, she was at a loss for words.

"How?" she asked, her voice coming out as a whisper.

"Nick told me."

"So he’s bragging about it and you thought..."

"No it’s not like that," AJ interupted, "that morning me and the guys went to go check on you and Nick. You were gone and Nick was upstairs, in the bathroom. We had to take him to the hospital because he almost over dosed on some drugs. We’ve been taking turns staying with Nick at his house to make sure that he doesn’t do this to himself again and last night me and Kev were there and we were starting to get through to Nick. We almost got him to say that he needed help, but he doesn’t want it because he said that he lost the thing that he loved the most, you. Then I asked what happened and he told me. You had to see him as he was talking about it. He was near tears," AJ explained.

"AJ," she said and then took a long pause she took a deep breath and continued, "the damage has been done."

"I know," he said softly.

"Then what is this all about?"

"I just wanted to let you know that he was sorry," he replied, “he knows he messed up and that’s a start. I just thought that you might be able to help him get better."

"Sorry, I can't do that. I don't want anything to do with Nick ever again. You can understand that can't you AJ?"

"He needs you right now. You don't have to get into a relationship with him again, just let him know that you want him to get better. That's all. That would help him so much," AJ told her.

"I can't."

"Then just call him to let him know that you're okay," AJ pleaded.

"But I'm not okay," she said trying to keep from yelling, "I still have the bruses from that night. I nearly jumped out of my skin when my brother tried to hug me. My god damn brother AJ! Do you know how hard that is on me? I get nervious around my own family."

"I'm sorry," AJ said, "I just really want to help Nick. I was in his shoes so I know what he's going through and I just thought that you might be able to help, but if it's too much for you, you don't have to. It wouldn't be right for me to do that to you. You don't desireve it. You've already been through enough."

"Thank you, but tell him," she said softly, "that I hope he gets better because he doesn't desireve the life he's giving himself and that not that deep down, he's a really good guy."

"You could always tell him yourself," AJ replied.

"I could, but I can't," she said shaking her head lightly, "there's really no way for me to explain how I feel right now, but I can tell you that seeing Nick won't help. He's the reason that I'm in this situation to begin with. I loved him and he hurt me and I had been telling him to stop but he just didn't listen to me, he just kept going out and drinking and stuff, he never seemed to care that it was hurting me too."

"You're right," AJ answered, "but I think he needs you right now."

"Yeah, but I need to be away from him right now," she informed him, "maybe, just maybe, if another day I'm feeling up to it, I'll talk to Nick, but that's just a maybe, it doesn't mean that I'm going to do it."

"That's fair enough," AJ replied, "you have to do what's in the best interest for you too."

"Exactly, so you understand?"

"Yeah, completely," he answered.

"Well, it was good seeing you, but I really should get going now," she said to him. He smiled and nodded.

"Alright I'll see you around. Take care of yourself," he replied.

"You too."

AJ stood there and watched Kerry walked down the street. He sighed and walked to his car. He opened the door and went inside of the car and drove off to Nicks house. He wasn't completely sure what he was going to tell Nick about his little run in with Kerry, but he was going to tell him that she does want him to get better so that might help him by giving him some place to start. It was better than having him sit around and wondering if she wanted him to do what he did so that she wouldn't have to deal with him any more. When he arrived at AJ's house, he went right inside where he found Brian and Nick sitting in the living room.

"What are you doing here AJ? You weren't supposed to come for another hour," Brian commented.

"I saw Kerry," he answered and Nick looked up at him.

"Did you talk to her?" Nick asked hopefully.

"Yeah," AJ said.

"What did she say? Did you tell her that I was sorry? Did you tell her that I need her?" Nick asked. AJ licked his lips before he started to answer Nicks questions.

"She doesn't want to talk to you Nick," AJ replied, "but she did tell me to tell you that she hopes you get better because you don't desirve any of this."

"You told her that I was sorry right AJ?" Nick said brokenheartedly.

"Yeah, but she said that the damage has already been done. She's really freaked out about what happened. She needs time to pull herself back together," AJ told Nick. Nick's head dropped and AJ just looked at him.

"I didn't think she would want anything to do with me again," Nick commented.

"But she did that maybe when she gets herself back together, she'll give you a call. It's not definate so don't get your hopes up too high, but she did say that it was a possibility," AJ said, hoping to cheer Nick up at least a little bit.

"Yeah, but what am I supposed to do if she never calls?" Nick asked.

"How about this," Brian said before AJ could say anything, "we give her a reason to want to call you." AJ looked at Brian through his sunglasses, trying to see if they were both on the same page.

"What are you talking about?" Nick asked.

"Maybe we should get you some help and get your life back together and you could do something to show her that you've changed," Brian explained.

"Like what?"

"You have the time to think about that. Besides, you know her better than we do so you'll know how to win back her heart, so what do you say?" Brian added.

Chapter 9

Nick sighed as he flipped through the channels of his television. He wasn't sure what to do any more. Part of him wanted to go along with Brians idea but there was a chance that Kerry might want him again but another part of him was telling him that his chances weren't good and that's the part he gave into. He knew that Kerry wasn't the kind of guy that would come running back so doing anything drastic wouldn't change anything.

Nick stood up and walked into the bathroom. He had found out what AJ and Howie had done while he was at the hospital and part of him was angry, but then the other part... it was glad that they did what they did. Nick shook his head as he snapped himself out of his thoughts and he looked out of the window. Lately, his body had begun to go through withdrawlas. He hadn't been able to get his fixes and he wasn't sure if he was going to be able to last much longer.

Nick looked down at his shaky hands and then shut them into fists. He shut his eyes, he knew that somehow he needed to get a fix. There was no way that he was going to be able to get through this without it. But how was he going to get it without the guys knowing? AJ had been watching him like a hawk. Nick knewthat he had to make sure that when he figured out how to get it into the house that it wasn't AJ's watch.

The others watched him closely too but not as close as AJ did. Nick walked back into his bedroom and laid on the bed. Howie would be the easiest to get it past. He was the one that believed in second chances and trust between friends so it would be a lot easier to get it past him than anyone else. A satisfied smile slowly appeared upon Nicks face. He had an idea that would work and there would be no way that he could be caught. It was perfect. Nick jumped up from the bed and walked downstairs where he saw Brian sitting on the couch.

"Hey man," Nick said causing Brian to look over at him.

"Hi Nick," Brian replied softly. He was still kind of disapointed that Nick hadn't agreed to his idea last night. He thought that it would work for sure. Nick took a seat on the couch next to Brian and sighed.

"So who's dropping by next?" Nick asked hoping that Brian wouldn't ask too many questions about why he was asking.

"Howie," Brian replied, "why?"

"Just wondering," Nick answered, trying to hide the fact that he was excited that Howie was going to take the next 'watch.'

"Oh okay."

"So how you feeling?" Nick asked quietly.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

"I guess," Nick answered softly. Brian let a small, brief, smile slip onto his face but then let it slip away as fast as it appeared, "you're still mad at me?"

"No, I'm not mad at you Nick."

"I think you are."

"I'm not Nick," Brian replied, "I'm just tired. I really don't know what to do right now. I mean, this is really hard for all of us, not just you."

"But you're not the one going through it, I am so you don't know how hard it is," Nick said bitterly.

"It doesn't just effect you," Brian commented.

“Why doesn’t it? You think if I mess myself up too much it’s going to ruin things for you guys. That’s why all you guys are worried, you don’t want me to mess things up for you guys,” Nick snapped.

“Nick that’s not what this is all about! We don’t care if you ‘mess up’ our careers! We just want you to be alright, that’s the most important thing alright?” Brian yelled.

“Whatever Brian. You know as well as I do that I’m the last thing you’re worried about,” Nick yelled back.

“That’s bullshit and you know it! I don’t care what happens to our careers! Do you think this is the only thing that any of us can do? There are so many other things that we can do with our lifes Nick! We just want to make sure that you’re around to see that! Our careers aren’t worth it if one of our best friends is suffering because of it,” Brian snapped.

“Why don’t you just tell me the truth already? You don’t have to protect me from anything!”

“What are you talking about Nick? We’ve always told you the truth. That hasn’t changed, ever and it won’t because you have the right to know what’s going on. I understand that Nick so I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Brian answered with confussion clearly in his voice.

“I’m talking about what you really think about me!” Nick yelled and Brian looked at him with confussion on his face, “I know that you guys all think that I’m just some little kid that can’t take care of himself.”

“We don’t think that Nick.”

“Then why are you here?”

“Because I want to make sure that you get better. You might not believe it right now, but that’s how I feel. We just didn’t want you to do anything that might cause you to have to go to the hospital again. I don’t want to see that happen to you again.”

“Why can’t you just let me make my own mistakes?” Nick asked with his temper starting to subside.

“We do Nick. This is just something that you are going to need support to fix. That and we knew if we let you do this, we might lose you. None of us want anything bad to happen to you bro,” Brian explained. Nick looked towards the door when the heard the bell and then he looked towards Brian.

“Expecting anyone?”

“No, it’s probably just Howie. He still rings the bell,” Brian explained as he stood up and walked over to the door to let Howie in.

“Hey Bri,” Howie answered when Brian opened the door.

“Hey, I’m gonna go. I’ll talk to you later,” Brian replied as he walked out of the door as soon as Howie stepped in.

“What’s up with him?” Howie asked Nick.

“I dunno,” Nick replied. This was the time, he thought, “hey D.”

“Yeah Nicky?”

“I think we need to get some more stuff to eat in the house ya know?” Nick commented.

“Yeah, I think you’re right. Maybe I should go to the store. You’re going to have to come with me, you know that right?”

“Yeah, I don’t mind. Besides, I think I need some fresh air,” he answered.

“Alright cool. Lets go,” Howie said.

“Hold on, let me go change real quick,” Nick told him.

“Oh alright. Hurry up though,” Howie replied as sat on the couch after Nick had started to walk towards the stairs. When Nick was upstairs he grabbed his cell phone and called one of the guys that usually went out with him.

“Dan,” Nick said.

“Hey Nick. I heard about your little trip to the hospital,” he answered.

“Yeah well, I need you to help me out a little.”

“Ok, what do you need me to do?”

“Bring some of the stuff to the grocery story near my house alright?”

“Sure, I can do that for you, but are you going to be alone?”

“No, but I’ll figure something out.”

“Okay, I’ll see you in a few,” he said before he hung up. Nick took a deep breath as he grabbed a clean t-shirt from the closet. In a way he felt bad about doing this behind Howie’s back, but he knew that he had to do what he had to do and Howie wasn’t going to let him get this so he had to do it behind his back.

Nick pulled the clean t-shirt over his head and took a deep breath. This was going to hold a challange but he was sure that he would be able to figure a way around it. Besides, none of the guys knew Dan so Howie wouldn’t think anything was going down. This was going to work, Nick was going to make it.

Chapter 10

Nick looked over at Howie who was driving the car. He still hadn't figured out how he was going to meet up with Dan without Howie noticing but he was sure that it would work itself out. He didn't want to do anything that would seem too obvious. The last thing he wanted was to make Howie suspisious. That would ruin everything because he knew that Howie would tell AJ and the other guys and they would make it so much harder for Nick to do this again. If not impossible.

"We're here Nicky," Howie said and Nick glanced quickly at him but then opened the door and stepped out of the car. As he was standing here, he looked over the parking lot to see if he saw Dans car, and he spotted it not far from Howies. When Nick heard the door slam, he watched as Howie walked towards the door and he stayed behind him. Once inside, Nick looked around to see if he could see Dan. He was no where to be seen. "What's wrong Nicky?" Howie asked as he looked back at Nick.

"Nothing," he answered quickly, "just haven't been down here in awhile."

"Have you ever been down here," Howie joked and Nick smiled at him.

"Very funny," he replied.

"Yeah, I thought it was," Howie said to Nick and smiled.

"You should work on you act before you take it on the road."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Howie asked.

"Get better jokes dude," Nick said with a wide grin on his face. Howie smiled back and laughed then he shook his head.

"What, don't you think I'm funny?" Howie asked joking.

"About as funny as getting my teeth pulled," Nick replied.

"That hurts man," Howie said pretending to be hurt by what Nick said. Nick smiled and shook his head. Where the hell was Dan? That's when Nick realized that he probably wasn't going to show if he and Howie were too close.

"Why don't you get what you need. I'll just be over there looking at some magazines alright?" Nick asked as he pointed towards the rack in the front of the store. Howie was quiet for a moment.

"Alright," he said reluctantly, "but if you aren't there when I get back..."

"Don't worry," Nick interupted, "you drove and no one could get here fast enough. Besides, my cell phone is at home. You don't have to worry because I'm not going anywhere."

"Okay, you want me to get anything inparticualr?" Howie asked.

"No, whatever you want, I don't care really," Nick answered. Howie nodded and Nick walked towards the magazine rack and hoped that Dan saw that he was alone and came quickly. Nick sighed and picked up a magazine and started to flip through the pages.
"Nick," he heard and looked up and saw Dan.

"Hey man, I wasn't sure if you'd get to me in time," Nick said putting down the magazine that he was looking at.

"I never disappoint," he said as he handed Nick a bottle filled with the same pills that has sent him to the hospital. Nick slipped them into his pocket before anyone noticed what was going on.

"Thanks man, I really needed some more of these. AJ went fucking insane and got rid of everything," Nick explained.

"Well, at least you've got friends like me. We keep it coming."

"Yeah thanks, but you should go now, I see Howie coming back," Nick commented as he saw Howie beginning to come into veiw.

"Alright man, take care and don't hesitate to give me call if you need any more," he said as he patted Nicks arm and walked away.
"Who was that?" Howie asked when he reached Nick.

"Some guy, it was nothing," Nick answered, "he just knew who I was so it's no big deal."

"Oh alright," Howie replied, buying what Nick had told him, "well I'm going to pay for this and then we can get out of here."
"Alright cool, lets go then," Nick said as the followed Howie to the checkout line. Nick tried his best to keep from becoming nervious. He couldn't let Howie catch on to what he was doing or trying to do. It only took Howie a few minutes to get through the line and pay for everything.

"Come on Nicky," Howie said to Nick and then the two of them started to walk out to the parking lot and to Howie's car. Howie put the bags in the trunk as Nick took a seat in the passanger seat. Nick sighed as he pulled the door shut and then he heard Howie shut the trunk and then walk around the car to the drivers seat and get in. They didn't say anything for the entire ride. Neither of them felt that there was anything to say at the moment so they kepy quiet.

It wasn't long before they arrived back at Nicks house. When Nick stepped out of the car, he went straight into the house and up to his room. He dropped onto his bed and laid there for a few minutes. Soon he shut his eyes and just listened to see if Howie was going to come up and check on him. Though, none of the guys had really been doing that, only a couple of times during the day to see if he was hungry.

Nick laid there for a while longer until he heard the tv downstairs go on. That's when he knew that Howie wouldn't be coming up for a while. This was the time for him to get his fix without Howie knowing about it. Slowly he stood up from the bed and walked into the bathroom and he shut and locked the door behind him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the bottle. His hands shook has he opened it. He let a few of the pills slip out into his hands and then he shut the bottle and put it back in his pocket. Nick put the pills in his mouth and leaned his head against the wall as he sollowed them.

Nicks eyes flew open when he heard someone baging no the bathroom door. His hand went to his head and that's when he realized he was on the floor. He didn't remember if he had fallen or just laid down there. Whatever it was he knew that he had to answer Howie.

"Nicky," Howie yelled.

"I'm fine D. My stomach is just bothering me," Nick replied.

"Why didn't you answer me the first time that I called you?" Howie asked, worried, "are you alright? Should I take you to the hospital?"

"No!" Nick shouted, knowing that if Howie took him to the hospital, they would find out what he did, "I mean, you don't have to. It's nothing. It'll pass."

"Are you sure? Maybe there's something that a doctor can do for you."

"It's okay, I'm alright. Don't worry about me," Nick answered hoping that Howie wouldn't figure out what he did.

"You sound pretty sick, maybe I should call a doctor," Howie commented.

"You don't have to do that Howie. I'm going to be just fine. It's probably just the withdrawals," Nick said, hoping that Howie brought it.

"Oh, maybe then we should call AJ. He'd know.."

"Howie we don't need anyone," Nick yelled, finally lossing his patience.

"Fine, I was just trying to help you geez," Howie replied backing off. Nick laid back on the floor once he heard Howie leave the room. He was still slightly disoriented but as always, it would pass in a few moments. As he lay there, he thought about what he had to do keep this a secret. AJ was definately going to be hard to fool, but it wasn't impossible. He just had to make sure that AJ wasn't around when he got his fix and he would be alright. It couldn't be that hard, could it?

Chapter 11

Nick woke up the next morning in his bedroom with the sun shining brightly on his face. He squinted when he saw that someone was standing at the bottom of the bed. Though he continued to stare, he couldn't figure out who it was standing down there so he let his head fall back onto the pillow. Whoever it was had to say something sometime. The longer Nick laid there wondering who it was the more uneasy he became.

"Nick," he heard. It was AJ. 'Well, at least now I know who that was,' Nick thought to himself. He groaned and turned over and AJ let out a fustrated sigh, "get up and get dressed," AJ demaned with anger in his voice.

"Why?" Nick asked, mid-yawn.

"Because I said so and if you don't get up now, I'll drag you downstairs like that," AJ warned.

"Is Kerry here?" Nick asked, his eyes wide as he shot up.

"No," AJ answered seriously, "just get up."

"Fine," Nick replied and AJ walked through the door. Nick sighed heavily as he stood up from the bed and streched his arms. He walked to his closet and grabbed some clothes and walked into the bathroom, dressed and brushed his teeth. Just as he stepped out of his room he felt someone grab his arm.

"I know Nick," AJ said simply before he walked away. Not once looking back to even see if Nick was behind him. Nick shook his head and then started to walk to the stairs. There was no way that AJ knew, he was probably just saying it in the off-chance that he actually was using again. When he reached the stairs he stopped.

"Shit," Nick mumbled under his breath. Howie probably called AJ after he'd passed out again. Howie was easy to trick but AJ was a whole nother story. As a matter of fact he was a completely different genre. What was he going to do now? AJ was going to be watching him. Wait a second, Nick thought, he can't be around to baby sit every hour of every day. Nicks chance would come again. It was just a matter of time.

Nick brushed the thoughts from his mind and he walked down the stairs and into his livingroom. He looked around the room. All of the guys were there, he looked at all of them in confussion. What was this all about?

"Nick we're running out of ideas," Kevin said and Nick looked over at him.

"Ideas? For what?" Nick asked.

"To help you."

"I don't need help."

"Nick, we know that you are using it again," Kevin said, "Howie called AJ last night and well, we've put together that the guy that you talked to in the store gave you the drugs."

"What are you talking about?" Nick said attempting to act like he didn't know what they were talking about.

"Nick please," Brian said, "don't make this any worse by lying. You were passed out last night when Howie came up to check on you, just like you were the first time. Did you not think that we would figure that out?"

"Like I said to Howie last night, it was withdrawals," Nick said while trying to hold back the anger that was burning inside of him. He glanced over at Howie, with the anger in his eyes. Howie's eyes showed sympathy even though he knew that part of Nick hated him right now.

"We signed you up to spend sometime at a small private hospital not too far from here," Brain said solemnly, "you're going to get detox. We think that you'll be better there than having us watch you. They're trained in this sort of thing."

"I'm not going, simple as that," Nick said staring at Brian. Brian returned his stare but the two of them didn't make any futher comments until the silence was broken when someone spoke.

"Do it Nick," a soft, familiar, female voice said. Nick turned around to see Kerry standing there looking at him.

"I...," Nick began searching for words, his mind had so many things that he wanted to say to her but her mouth wasn't letting him, "I don't need..."

"When I left, you said that you could change. I didn't believe you, why don't you prove me wrong Nick?" she asked, trying to hide the fact that she was more nervious now than she had ever been at any other time in her life. He didn't say anything. He just looked into her eyes. There was something that he was looking for, forgiveness.

"Kerry," Nick said taking a step closer to her. She fought off her instinct to take a step back, at least for now, "I.....you...god, I am so sorry about what happened."

"You're not acting like you are," she replied.

"What?" Nick asked slightly confussed.

"If you were really sorry, you would go and help yourself get better. If not for me then for you so that what happened between me and you doesn't happen again."

"Do you forgive me?" he asked. She shut her eyes tightly and then opened them again, they had filled with tears.

"There's no way that I'm ever going to be able to completely forgive you Nick. Not after what I went through. It's not one of those things that forgive and forget because I'm never going to forget."

"I didn't mean too..." he added softly.

"I know you didn't and that's why I think you should do this. So that you don't hurt anyone ever again because if you did it once, you might do it again."

"Never."

"You saw that now but the next time you go out, you'll forget all about it and then some other poor girl is going to have to suffer the same fate as I did. You don't want that to happen, I know you don't. It's just when you get like that, you're another person," Kerry explained. She looked at Nick as he stood there looking at her. "Please Nick, do this for me."

"No," Nick said softly as he turned and walked out of the livingroom. He made it into the kitchen and then he leaned against the wall. He closed his eyes and his body slid down the wall and onto the floor. For the first time since this had all started, he let out tears of regret. He regreted ruining everything good that his life had because he didn't think.

"What made you come Kerry?" Brian asked as he looked at Kerry who hadn't moved since she arrived.

"AJ called me a little while ago and told me that you guys were going to try to get him to a hospital," she explained.

"I thought that you didn't want anything to do with him anymore," AJ commented, "what made you come here?"

"Honestly, I don't know. I guess I just want him to get better," she answered.

"So you're sticking around?" Howie asked.

"Probably not. I can't. I don't know if you noticed but being around Nick scares the shit out of me," she answered nerviously, "I just figured that two of us don't need to live in pain. One is enough."

Chapter 12

Nick stayed on the kitchen floor crying. He didn't know what else to do. He knew that Kerry didn't forgive him. Regardless of what she had just said to him, he knew that she would never be with him again. It was his fault and he knew it. Nick looked up and saw that no one had come after him. He licked his lips and whipped the tears from his face. Slowly, he stood up from his corner and walked over to the counter. The only thing left for him to do was end it. He slipped his hand into his pocket and pulled out the bottle. He opened it and dumped it into the garbage disposial. He didn't start it though, he didn't want the guys to come into the kitchen just yet.

He took one last look at the garbage disposial and then we walked to the other end of the counter. There was one more thing that he had to do. Nick wrapped his fingers on one of the knives in the stand and pulled it out. He was going to make sure that he never hurt anyone again. Especially the people that he loved the most. As long as he was around, he knew that he would just cause pain, and he just wanted it all to end. Nick took a shaky breath and looked at the knife. It was now or never *no pun intended*. Slowly he began to bring the knife to his throat.

"Nick what are you doing?" Brian asked as he walked into the kitchen and interupted Nicks plan. Brians eyes were wide with fear when he saw Nick holding a knife to his own throat.

"I'm ending it Brian," he answered with hurt in his voice and tears pouring down his cheeks, "there isn't anything else for me to do. I don't want to hurt anyone anymore."

"Killing yourself isn't the answer. Please, put down the knife and let us take you to the hospital. They can help you Nick. You don't have to do this," Brian pleaded.

"Yes I do have to do this," Nick yelled, "there isn't anything else for me to do. I can't, not knowing what I did to Kerry and to you guys so please just leave me alone. Let me do this."

"I'm not going to let you hurt yourself Nick. Right now I know you think that it's the only way but really it's not. Now put down the knife and how about we talk about what's going on. We can help you," Brian said trying to hide the fact that he was scared beyond any level of fear that he had ever known. He took a step back when he saw Nick shake his head and opened the kitchen door, "I need some help out here," he called.

"I have to do this," Nick whispered as AJ came into the kitchen, with the other guys, including Kerry, stopping at the door way in shock.
"Shit," he said under his breath, "Nick come on, put down the knife. Lets go into the living room. Things are going to get better, don't worry."

"No they won't," Nick answered. AJ took a step towards Nick, "don't come any closer AJ."

"Alright," AJ replied, "but you have to put down the knife."

"No."

"Nick please," AJ answered, "none of us want you to do this. I know things look bad, but trust me, you have all of us and we're going to be there for you. Now put down the knife." Kerry grabbed onto Howie's arm as she watched AJ try to talk him into putting down the knife. Nick glanced over at her and for a second, their eyes met. In that second, he saw how scared she was. He was causing her more fear. The hand with the knife started to shake and bit his lip hoping that Nick wasn't about to go through with it. He took another step closer to Nick, but Nick made no attempt to stop him. When AJ was close enough, he took the knife from Nick. Nick dropped to the floor in tears. AJ let himself drop to his knees next to Nick. He put his arm on his shoulder.

"It's going to be alright Nick," he assured him. AJ looked up at the other guys, a little unsure of what to say or do.

"Come on Nick," Kevin said walking towards Nick and AJ, "lets go get you some help alright?"

"I'm scared," Nick confessed as he looked up and into Kevins eyes.

"It's alright to be scared," Kevin told him, "we're all scared. We thought we were going to lose you there for a minute."

"I didn't know what else to do."

"It's okay 'cause we're here for you little bro and we're going to make sure that you get better. So why don't you get up," Kevin said offering Nick his hand. Nick looked at him and then took his hand. Once Nick was standing, he looked over towards were Brian, Howie and Kerry were standing.

"I'm sorry," Nick whispered, "I'm sorry about everything. D, I'm sorry I lied to you. I did know that guy that I was talking to at the store yesterday. He gave me some more of the pills and I did take them again last night."

"Where are they now?" AJ asked.

"In the garbage disposial. I didn't start it because I didn't want any of you guys to come in here," Nick explained. AJ nodded.
"What made you want to do that?" Howie asked softly.

"I don't know. I just felt so guilty about what I did to Kerry," he said looking at Kerry, "that I didn't think I could live with myself and I just thought that I already caused enough shit. You guys didn't need any more."

"It's not about us," Brian said, "it's about you being healthy now."

"I don't know if I can do it," Nick confessed.

"It's gonna be hard," AJ told him, "but you're going to get through it. Trust me. I wouldn't lie about that."

"What if I can't?"

"You will," AJ said serisously, "you have us to make sure that you do."

"When are we leaving?" Nick asked.

"Right now," Kevin answered, "the sooner the better you know." Nick nodded and then caught a glimpse of Kerry.

"Don't hate me," Nick whispered to her.

"I don't," she answered softly, still holding on to Howies arm. He shook his head and looked over at Kevin.

"So, you want to drive me big bro?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," Kevin answered with a nod. Nick smiled lightly but let it fall from his face quickly. Kevin walked out of the kitchen and Nick took one last look at Brian, AJ, Howie and Kerry. He kept his eyes on Kerry the longest. She looked back at him.
"Maybe I'll talk to you when you get back," she said to him softly.

"I hope so," he replied as and then he turned and walked out of the kitchen. None of them said anything until they heard Nick and Kevin pull out of the driveway.

"I can't believe what just happened," Brian said softly.

"Neither can we," Howie replied.

"Do you think this is going to work?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," AJ answered, "if it worked for me, than it's gonna work for him."

Chapter 13

Kevin stopped his car outside of the hospital and Nick looked over at him. There was fear in Nicks eyes and on his face. He didn't say anything, his eyes remained on Kevin and Kevin returned his stare.

"You're going to be alright Nick," Kevin finally said.

"I hope so," Nick replied.

"If you need or want to talk to any of us, we're there for you whenever you need us ya know," Kevin reminded him, "don't hesitate about calling if you need to."

"I know, and I will," Nick answered as he stepped out of the car and shut the door behind him. Kevin watched as Nick walked towards the enterance of the hospital. Nick glanced back quickly, but didn't stop. When he reched the front door he took in a deep breath and opened the door. This was it, this was all he had to do to prove to Kerry that he was sorry for what he did and that he could change. Nicks eyes roamed over the room. They stopped on a woman whom he had assumed to be the secratary.

"Excuse me," Nick said with his voice soft and nervious, "um.... my names Nick, and uh my friends called for me to stay here and uh..."

"Carter?" she asked after she looked up from her papers.

"Yes," he answered.

"Go to room 206," she told him, "there will be someone up there to talk to you soon."

"Alright, thank you," he answered and slowly started to walk down the hallways towards the room where the woman told him to wait. Nick continued to walk down the hall but he still couldn't find his room. He sighed and looked around again. He knew that he couldn't turn back now, even though he wanted to. After a few minutes, he finally found the room he had been directed to. He slowly opened the door and stuck his head into the room and saw that no one was in there yet.

He stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. His eyes again scanned his new surroundings. When he spotted the couch, he walked over to it and sat down. He ran his fingers through his hair and tried to keep himself calm. His mind then started to wonder. What were the guys going to tell the fans? I mean they were cool about AJ, but would they support him too? In his heart, he felt that he somehow needed to know that they cared too. If Kerry didn't care about him, he needed someone to support him.

He'd let the guys down too many times and he wasn't sure if he messed up again if they would remain at his side. They've already put them through so much already and part of him wasn't sure if he let them down again that they would be able to forgive him again. The person that he wanted to be forgiven by the most, Kerry, would probably never love him or even trust him again that made going through this somehow seem as if it wasn't worth it. Who else was there? Yeah, there was the guys, but they all had their own lives and they weren't going to be around forever. His family, there had been too many fights between them that he wasn't even sure if they gave a damn about the fact that he had almost died.

They hadn't called so that basically convinced him that they just didn't care. Did it really matter though? Lately, they hadn't supported anything that he wanted to do. That wasn't just everything that he had been putting himself through, it was just about everything. Good and bad. Nick sighed again as he let his head fall onto the back of the couch. What if this didn't work? Just getting there, he already wanted to quit and go home. What was going to happen when the program actually started? Was he going to be able to complete it? AJ was able to get through it. That was AJ, Nick thought. He's a hell of a lot stronger. A year later he was so much better, it was like he was the same guy that he was before he started drinking. Was Nick going to be able to go back to being the old Nick?

Never, he told himself. He'd seen too many things to go back to that same innocent Nick that he was before all of this started. He'd done too many things, hurt too many people. He was never going to be the same again and now he was sure of that. Maybe he didn't want to be the same person. Knowing what he now knew, in a way made him a better person. He knew what it was like to be on the bad end of life. To be in a personal low. He knew what it was like to turn to drugs and alcohol as a way to hopefully make things better. Now that he thought about it, maybe now he could help people, touch them even better than he could before. Now he knew were a lot of kids were coming from because he'd been through it and maybe he could save people. In a way, he could become a hero.

"Nick?" a lady asked as she walked into the room where Nick was waiting, thinking about how he was going to make the world better.

"Yes, that would be me," he answered sitting up so that he could look at the woman who had just walked into the room.
"It's nice to meet you. My name is Doctor Santiago, but you can just call me Maria," she told him as she extended her hand to him. He nodded and took her hand for a hand shake. "So Nick, what made you want to come here today?"

"It's not really as much what it's as much who," he said with a small smile appearing on his face then disappearing again, "I mean, everyone. It was just everything."

"Who exactly is everyone?"

"My friends, my ex-girlfriend," he answered, hurt by the fact that he had to use the phrase 'ex-girlfriend' when referring to Kerry.

"Why don't you tell me a little bit about them," she asked sitting on a chair next to Nick. He continued to look at her and he took a deep breath and began to talk.

"Well, there's Brian. He's my best friend. We've been friends for like nine years now. We're really close cause we both can get kinda goofy. Then there's Howie, a close friend of mine. He's been looking out for me for like ten years now. He's been a really good friend. Kevin, well, he's like the big brother I never had. Ya know? AJ, he kinda understands what I'm going through a little more because we're closest in age. That and he's been where I am right now. He was the one that really took charge and wanted me to get help even if he had to physically attack me. Then there's Kerry," he said with his voice trailing off.

"What about Kerry?"

"She's my ex-girlfriend," he answered brokenheartedly, "One of the only girls to love me for the person that I am, not because of my career and I messed that up. I hurt her by doing all of this."

"Well Nick," Maria said, "this had an effect on her life too. She loved you and she had to put up with what you were doing and that could put a lot of stress on a relationship. Sometimes the person dealing with the stress decides that they just can't take it anymore so they decide that they best thing to do is to put an end to the relationship. In hopes that they will be able to heal."

"But you don't know what went on between us. It wasn't as much the stress as it was what I put her through."

"What do you feel that you put her through?"

"A lot. I was drunk all of the time. I became a whole other person. He was angry at just about everything for no good reason. He did a lot of stupid things to Kerry."

"Like what?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Nick answered, getting a little nervious about answering her question.

"It's alright Nick. You can tell me anything about what happened. Everything that you say in here with me, stays between you and I, but if you don't feel up to talking about it right now, that's alright because we are going to be talking often."

"How often?"

"It depends. There are times when patients only need a short time to talk while others, they need a while. Also, they need to become comfortable and trusting towards the person that they're talking to and that's natural. Some people don't like to talk about their personal lifes with complete strangers."

"What happens if you can't get a person to talk?"

"That hasn't really happened yet. The people that come here want help so they talk because they know that it's going to help them. Everyone that I've talked to felt that they needed to get help and that's why they came here. Weather it was because their friends made them, you know that somewhere inside that person wanted help or if they did it themselves."

"Ever have anyone really stubborn?" Nick asked.

"Yeah," she answered with a slight laugh, "there are people out there like that, but I don't mind it. It's just a little more work. That and I'm always up for a good challange."

"Why did you get into this profession?"

"I wanted to help people."

"You could do that other ways."

"Yeah I know, but a lot of problems with people now a days are in there minds so I wanted to get to the root of the problem and completely get rid of it."

"That's cool."

"Well Nick, I'm going to show you were you're going to be staying. If you need any clothes or anything, there is a phone in the hall and you can always call someone for you, but don't have them try and bring anything into this place. We will catch them. We have high security for visitors. That and if we find it on them, they will be arrested. So now if you don't mind, please come with me," she told him. He nodded and followed her out of the room.

Chapter 14

Nick dropped onto the bed that Maria had told him would be his. He looked around the room and realized that he didn't have any extra clothes. He was going to have to ask one of the guys to bring him something. Nick stood from the bed and walked into the hallway and to where Maria showed him where the phone was. He sighed and lifted the phone and dialed Brians cell phone number, he wasn't sure if he had stayed at his house or not. Or if anyone stayed for that matter.

"Hello?" Brian answered.

"Brian, it's Nick," Nick said.

"Nick, don't tell me you want to leave already," Brian said a little bit nervious.

"No it's not like that man. I just was calling to see if you could drop off some clothes for me. From the looks of it, I'm gonna be here for a while and I'm going to have the be able to change into something."

"Oh alright. I'm still at your house man. I'll get somethings ready for you and drop it off alright?" he answered.

"Yeah that's good, c-ya later Bri," he said and hung up.

"Are you Nick?" someone asked and Nick turned around.

"Yeah, why?" he asked.

"I'm Mark, we're sharing a room. I don't know if Maria told you about me, but she did tell me that I was rooming with a Nick and you're the only one here I haven't seen before," he explained.

"Oh," Nick answered, "hi."

"So, what's your story?" Mark asked as they started to walk back to the room. Nick looked over at him but didn't say anything.
"I don't know if I want to talk about it," he answered.

"That's not a choice around here buddy," Mark explained, "if you tell the doctors that, you're going to get used to we can't help if you don't talk to us real fast man. Trust me, once they think you're going to be a problem, they are going to be all over your ass."

"Look, I'm not to proud about what I did out there," Nick answered as they walked back into the room.

"Do you think that all of us here are? I mean we are here because we know we fucked up. Everyone in here did stupid shit. That's why were here in the first place. Some because it was ordered by a judge, some because they wanted to change and others because they were forced."

"How'd you get here?"

"That goes back a while. Well, when I was in high school I got invited to this party, so I went. I mean come on, it was going to be great. Just I didn't know what went on. Someone put some shit in the drinks, most had alcohol in them, the rest had drugs in them. I ended up getting a little bit of both. Then I just got addicted to it and it got pretty bad until finally, my older brother made me come here. I've been here about two months now. It's been hard because there are those times that you just want to get another fix because it made you feel better but you know you can't have it. It gets rough. So what happened with you?"

"A really good friend of mine had a bad drinking problem and that kinda got to me. This guy looked out for me, I don't have any older brothers cause I'm the older brother. It got bad for him and he had to go to rehab, I didn't know what to do with myself so I ended up going the same way he did. Except, I used a lot of drugs and stuff. I came home stoned all the time and my girlfriend started to catch on, though I didn't see it at the time. Then one night, I came home, so out of it, that I just attacked her. I ended up raping her. After that I locked her in the bathroom and when I woke up that morning I didn't remember anything. Then she told me that she was leaving. I couldn't get her to stay and then when she left, I went and I popped some pills and the next thing I remember a few of my friends were there calling an ambulance," Nick told.

"What happened with your girlfriend? Did she press charges? That's what got you here right?"

"No she didn't," Nick answered, "What happened was when I was at the hospital, my doctor told my friends that someone should be looking after me. Things were getting bad again cause once I talked one of my other friends into going to a store near my house where I met up with a guy that gave me more pills. I started taking them again and they caught on. The next thing I remember after waking up is one of my friends telling to me to get dressed and come down stairs, that was just this morning, and then they brought up that they had checked me in here. I didn't want to go. There was a fight and I went into the kitchen. I tried to kill myself, but they talked me out of it, and then they drove me here."

"Woah, so you're still getting over your high huh?"

"Yeah," Nick answered letting his head fall back onto the pillow.

"You'll be alright man," Mark said, "if I got over it, you will. It's gonna be tough, but you'll get through it man."

"I hope. I want to prove to Kerry that I can change," Nick said.

"Kerry your girlfriend?"

"Ex," he answered, "she hates me I'm sure. She was at my house this morning when they guys were talkin to me. She wanted me to come here, but I don't think she wanted to be at my house right then. She still seemed so scared of me."

"She wasn't a virgin when you...."

"No," Nick answered, not even letting Mark finish.

"Well if she wanted you to come here, she can't hate you that much."

"One of my friends called her over. She never would have known what they did otherwise. Besides, she's still scared of me I don't think that she would want to be alone with me."

"So, did you bring any extra clothes with you cause I don't see a bag, unless you can unpack really fast," Mark asked.

"No, I didn't bring any. A friend of mine is going to bring some stuff for me. That's who I was on the phone with before."

"Oh, they'll probably send him back here since he's just gonna drop something off."

"That won't bother me as long as the guy I called comes back here," Nick answered.

"Why's that?"

"Cause I don't need J coming back here starting with me."

"Who's J?"

"Oh, that's one of the guys who checked me into this place. AJ, he was in the same place I am a year ago. The guys are probably going to send him back because of that alone. That and he probably wants to so there's no stopping him."

"They won't let him stay long, they usually don't. Besides, maybe it would be good to talk to him since he knows whats in store for you."

"Yeah, I just don't need any pitty or 'I told you so's' ya know? This is bad enough as it is."

"I'm sure he knows that, but don't worry, I don't think that you're going to have any problems. Don't worry, everything's gonna be okay. The people here are alright. So, I think you're kinda gonna like it."

"I just want to get better."

"Yeah, I know what you're sayin."

Chapter 15

Nick continued to look out the window of his room. Brian still hadn't shown up yet and he was wondering what was taking him so long. He kind of wanted Brian to be there because he knew that he could trust him with anything and he wanted that safety right now. Nick sighed as his attention began to wonder from the window.

"Nick," he heard and then turned to see Brian standing there.

"Hi Bri," he replied.

"I have some of your clothes here for you like you asked," Brian explained.

"Thanks, I'm gonna be here awhile," Nick answered.

"Do you really think it's going to take you a long time to get over this?"

"I've only been here an hour, tops, and already it's kinda gettin to me," Nick explained, "It's already getting tough for me to stay calm. My hands are starting to shake and I'm getting really nervious man."

"You're going to get through it. Your doctor stopped me to talk and that's why I didn't get here sooner, but she said that she's going to do everything in her power to make sure that you get better again."

"What is she going to do about my nerves? She has no control over that! What is she going to do about my hands, or anything else I might go through? Brian I don't know if I can do this."

"That's your part man. You have to stay strong and be tough. You're in the right place to go through this, they know what to do about all of it. So just relax and let everyone here help you. That's what they're here for."

"I know but I'm scared," Nick confessed.

"It's alright to be scared, but we're all here for you. We'll come by and give you support if you want, if you think that will help. I'm sure that none of us will mind dropping by here to give you support, we care man. We want to get you out of here as soon as possible too, but that's going to depend on how fast you get better. Don't rush it man 'cause we don't wanna have to send you here again," Brian replied.

"I know," Nick said softly, "and I'll try not to rush it."

"I brought you your gameboy so that you can keep your mind occupied. Or maybe just to help pass the time, I'm not really sure but I thought that you might need it."

"Thanks, I think I'm going to need it," Nick joked with a slight laugh.

"I figured," Brian answered after laughing slightly.

"Don't be a stranger around here," Nick said seriously, "tell the other guys I want to see them too something. I have a feeling I'm going to need to."

"Yeah no problem," Brian answered, "don't worry, we've all been making sure that we fit in time to come and see you, but of course, thats the most important thing right now."

"I love you man," Nick said walking over to give Brian a hug, "and I'm sorry about everything that I did."

"It's alright Nick," Brian answered as he stepped away from Nick, "I'm going to have to go now but I'll be checking on you, count on it."

"Before you go, did you talk to Kerry after I left?" Brian took a deep breath and let his eyes drift to the floor.

"Just leave her alone for now," Brian replied, "she needs that alright?"

"Yeah, alright," Nick answered, dissapointed.

"I'll be seeing you man," Brian said and Nick nodded. Brian sighed and walked out of the room. Nick walked over to the bag that Brian had brought for him. He picked it up and walked it over to his side of the room. He sighed and then started to put his stuff away where Mark had showed him.

"Your friend came huh?" Mark asked as he watched Nick put away his stuff.

"Yeah," Nick answered.

"That's cool. It looks like he brought you everything that you're gonna need," he replied looking over at Nick.

"Yeah."

"Don't want to talk right now?" he asked, "I mean I could leave you alone for a little while if you want. I could use a walk anyway." When Nick didn't answer, Mark nodded, "alright, I'll be back later."

"Wait," Nick said suddenly.

"Whatcha need?"

"Help," Nick replied with his hand going to his chest, "get a doctor."

"Alright man. I'll be right back, it's going to be alright," he said to Nick as he ran into the hallway, "I need a doctor over here quick!"
"What's happening?" Nick asked as he lowered himself to sit on the bed. "I don't know," Mark answered nerviously, "does anyone hear me? I need a fucking doctor over here now!"

"Is this what it's like to die?" Nick asked, his voice becoming weaker.

"Woah, you aren't gonna die on me alright," Mark said sternly, "I see a doctor, he's on his way over here. He's going to help you. It's going to be alright."

"What happened in here?" the doctor asked.

"I don't know, Nick just suddenly started to get like this," Mark explained as the doctor walked over to Nick and took a quick glance over him.

"We're going to need an ambulance for room 218," the doctor said into his radio, "and we need it right now."

Chapter 16

When Nick opened his eyes, he looked over his new surroundings. Soon he realized that he wasn't at the hospital nor was he at his room in the clinic. Nicks breath began to speed up as he walked around to check out his new surroundings. Fear was beginning to take over Nick completely. He didn't know where he was or how he had arrived there, all he knew was that he wanted to leave. Nick looked at the door on the other end of the room and started to walk towards it. Once he was outside, he would be able to find out exactly where he was.

Before Nick could reach the door, it flew open and he stepped back, not sure of whatelse to do. His tense body relaxed when he saw that it was just AJ and Brian. He sighed and his breathing quickly went back to its normal pace. He looked over the two of them, but neither said anything. They couldn't be mad at him could they? What could he have done? The last thing he remebered was passing out at the clinic.

"Guys what happened? How did I get here? Shouldn't I be back at the clinic? I mean I know you guys want to help and all but like you said before, those people are professionals," Nick questioned, hoping for answers.

"You know they did all they could AJ," Brian said breaking the silence, but not answering any of Nicks questions.

"I know but, he looked up to me you know and I kinda started all of this," AJ replied, "I feel kind of responsible."

"You're not. No one is really, this is what was meant to be," Brian explained.

"Meant to be? What are you talking about Brian?" Nick asked confussed.

"But we got him to the clinic, I mean he should have been alright," AJ replied. Nick looked over at him and ran his fingers through his hair. What the hell were they talking about? This had to be some kind of joke, he was standing right there, right in front of them.

"Okay guys, this was a funny joke," Nick said, hoping that they would talk to him, "but it's getting old kinda fast alright so please just drop it."

"I think by the time we were able to talk him into going it was too late," Brian replied, "I mean the guy who was rooming with him said that it just happened suddenly. He called a doctor right away, but there wasn't anything that they could do to help him."

"There had to have been something," AJ said to Brian, "I mean they basically just let him die."

"AJ they did not let him die," Brian told him, "they did everything they could. Nick just had too much drugs in his system. There wasn't anything they could do."

"I can't believe that we lost him though," AJ confessed.

"I can't either man," Brian replied.

"Guys, I'm right here," Nick said starting to become really scared, "I'm alright. Nothing happened to me, I'm just fine."

"Bri, AJ," Kevin said as he stepped into the room that they were in, "I called his parents. They're getting on the first flight out here."

"How'd they take it?" AJ asked.

"How do you think they took it?" Kevin replied, "they were devistated. They were in complete shock. They couldn't believe it either."

"I just can't believe this," AJ said to Kevin.

"None of us can. It's hard to take in. We all feel that right now," Kevin explained to AJ softly.

"Maybe if I hadn't done it then maybe Nick wouldn't have and he'd be alive right now," AJ thought out loud.

"I'm dead?" Nick said under his breath, "I can't be."

"Don't think like that AJ. Nick did this on his own. We tried to get him to stop, but it was just too late when we actually did," Brian replied.

"He's right you know. We did the best that we could to help him, so don't blame yourself AJ," Kevin added.

"I can't help but feel guilty. Like I kinda pushed him into doing this. Ya know, he saw what I did and I guess he figured that it would be alright because I was doing it. I should have been more careful," AJ protested.

"What's done is done. You can't change what you did and we can't change what Nick did. We just have to deal with what happened," Kevin said knowingly.

"What do I say?" AJ said shaking his head, "there is just so much wrong with everything right now. It's like the whole world has been thrown outta wack. What the fuck am I supposed to do now?"

"I don't know, but don't worry AJ, cause you're not alone," Brian answered, "we all feel the sameway. We're here for ya man." Nick looked over towards the door when he heard a knock. He watched as Brian went to get it.

"Kerry," he said when he opened the door. Nick walked over to the door and looked at her hurtfully. He never had the chance to prove to her that he could change.

"Hi Brian," she answered.

"I don't think any of us expected to see you," he told her. She nodded slightly and then stepped into the room.

"How are you?" AJ asked.

"Okay I guess," she replied sitting down on one of the chairs, "I don't know how to feel. Yeah, I was mad at Nick, but I didn't want him to die."

"I know, none of us did," Kevin told her.

"I still cared about him," she confessed, "I wanted him to get better. I thought maybe we could be together again."

"Really?" AJ asked confussed, "I mean I cared about the guy, but you were willing to go back to him after what he did to you, that's crazy." Nick sighed, he knew that AJ was right.

"Crazy, yeah, that's me," she joked reluctantly, "I just knew that he was a good guy when you got past all of the stupid shit that he did."

"Yeah he was," Brian replied.

"Would they stop saying 'was'," Nick said to himself because he knew that they couldn't hear him anyway.

"So do you guys know what happened?" Kerry asked, "I mean do you know why he died."

"He had too much drugs in his system," AJ replied, "that's all I could get. The doctor was saying all this shit that I really didn't understand. It didn't matter though cause I basically stopped listening after he'd said Nick died. It was like nothing else mattered at that point."

"How could he have any drugs? I mean they don't let it in the clinic do they?" Kerry asked confussed.

"He had them in his system from the night before," AJ explained, "he'd taken them again and it just slowly got to be too much for him." Nick brushed away a tear that had escaped from his eye, last night was what killed him. Lying to Howie and getting the pills from Dan. That ended it all.

Chapter 17

Brian looked down at Nicks lifeless body and let out a long breath. He had spent the whole night at the hospital, wide awake, waiting to see if Nicks condition had changed. When the doctor had come in to check up on Nick, he had fallen into a coma. He hadn't called the other guys yet, he didn't have the courage, so he spent the whole night alone with Nick. Hoping that he would wake up. Brian took one more look at Nick and then pulled out his cell phone. He needed to talk to someone. He should have called the guys sooner, but he just couldn't force himself. Brian put the phone to his ear after he dialed AJs number.

"Hello?" came AJ's tired voice. That's when Brian realized it was still early in the morning.

"AJ, this is Brian, sorry to wake you up," he replied, his voice shaky.

"Rok, what's wrong?" he asked noticing Brians voice.

"I'm at the hospital right now..."

"Are you alright man?" AJ interupted, "do you need me to come over there and pick you up or something?"

"I'm alright, it's just Nick.."

"What happened to him?"

"It has something to do with the drugs he took the other night. There was something in them that made him sick. He fell into a coma a couple hours ago," Brian explained, "it happened just as I was leaving the clinic after I brought him his clothes. I was almost out when I saw the EMT running inside and I waited to see who it was because something told me, Nick. That's when they brought him out and I went to the hospital with him."

"I'm going to be right over Rok," AJ said hanging up the phone. Brian sighed and closed the phone. Then he glanced over at Nick and walked over to his bed.

"I don't know if you can hear me," Brian started, "but, I have to tell you something alright? I'm scared right now man. I didn't think it would get this bad. I thought that everything was going to be alright, it was going to go back to the way it was ya know? I never imagined that it would turn out like this," Brian said with tears starting to roll down his cheeks, "I don't want to lose you like this. Be strong for me alright? You can pull yourself out of this Nick. I know you can, you just have to be strong. Just think about all the people that love you and need you. AJ's on his way here. He's gonna be there for you Nick. He's one of the people that care about you. He is your 'brother' after all."

"Mr. Littrell," a nurse said as she stepped into Nicks room to find Brian still there, "why don't you go home and get some sleep? I'm sure you'll feel a little better once you've rested."

"I can't leave him like that," Brian answered, "I need to be here for him."

"If you stay here too long and don't take care of yourself you may end up here for you own health reasons," she explained.

"Don't worry, I know my limits," he told her.

"Alright, just don't push them," she warned as she walked over to Nicks bed, "I'm just going to look over him and see if there's been any change."

"Okay," Brian answered nodding his head and stepping away from the bed to give the nurse space to work.

"Nothing's changed," she said after a few minutes. Brian looked at her, dissapointed.

"How long do you think he's going to be like this?" he asked.

"Honestly, I don't know. Each case is different. Some people stay in the coma state for days, other weeks or months, some years and others never wake up. It depends on the individual."

"What about Nick? What do you think's gonna happen to him?"

"I don't know," she answered, feeling sorry for Brians vulnerability, "only time can tell."

"What happens if things get worse?"

"His family has the choice of wether or not they want to pull the plug and let him survive without any help from machines for as long as he body can hadel it. Most times, the patient dies shortly after, but not always."

"So people can survive like that?"

"Rarely, there has only been a few people that have been able to pull through it when on their own. Some of them go years before they actually die. I have to admit, it's painful to watch."

"So why do you do it?"

"Because we don't have any say in what the families want. If they want to pull the plug it's because they feel that no matter how long they leave them on life support, they're never going to pull through. Others think that if they do that, the body might be shocked back into functioning for itself again. The reasons vary from person to person."

"Is there any way that I can help Nick?" Brian asked hopefully.

"Talk to him. Keep his brain functioning. Let him know that he has support. It helps in recovery a lot. 99% of those who've come out of coma's had people that they care about talk to them. So I believe that it helps. Also treat him like you would if he were awake, sometimes that has an affect."

"Alright, thank you," Brian replied.

"Sure, just watch yourself too Mr. Littrell, I don't want to see you here because of bad health alright?"

"Alright, I will." She looked at him for a second longer and then walked out of Nicks room. Brians attention immediately shot over to Nick. He walked over to the chair that was next to Nicks bed and he took a deep breath and continued to look over at him. He had to call the other guys. Again he reached for his cell phone. He dialed Kevins number then he placed the phone next to his ear.
"Hello?" Kevin answered, tired and confussed.

"Kev it's Brian. I'm at the hospital..."

"The hospital? Why? Are you alright?" he asked becoming very worried about his cousin.

"I'm fine, it's Nick," Brian answered. Kevin sighed in both relief and fustration.

"Is he alright?"

"Not really. He's in a coma," he explained.

"What happened to him?" Kevin asked.

"There was something in the pills that he took. I really don't know what it is, and I don't think the doctors are too sure what it is either. I've been here since just as I was leaving from dropping off Nicks stuff."

"Why didn't you call sooner?"

"I don't know. I just wanted to see what happened to him before I called you guys. It's been a while since I've been here. I just called AJ and he's on his way."

"Alright, I'll be there soon too," Kevin answered and then hung up. Brian sighede again and then called Howie.

"Hello?" Howie answered through a yawn.

"Howie, this is Brain. Come down to the hospital, Nick's in a coma," he said, not really wanting to talk any more, just yet anyway.
"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, AJ and Kev are on there way already, so I'll see you in a few?"

"Yeah, I'll be right there," Howie answered and hung up.

Chapter 18

"Rok," AJ said as he opened the door to Nicks hospital room.

"Hey AJ," he answered when he looked up at AJ.

"No one else got here yet?" AJ asked.

"No, you were the first one that I called. Howie and Kevin are on there way though. They should be here soon," Brian explained.

"Why'd you wait so long to call us?"

"What do you mean?" Brian asked.

"I mean you've been here awhile. I can tell that much by just lookin at ya man. Also, you told me this happened as you were leaving the clinic. Why didn't you call all of us then?"

"I don't know. I didn't call you guys when we left the clinic because I was so worried about Nick that I wasn't thinking. When we got here though, I don't know, I guess I was scared."

"You still should have called sooner," AJ replied as he turned his attention over to Nick, "How long has he been like that?"

"A while."

"What have the doctors said?"

"He's in a coma. They aren't sure if he's going to wake up from it. We just have to wait and see what happens."

"How long do we just wait?" AJ asked.

"As long as it takes. The doctor said he could be like this for years."

"Damn," AJ said under his breath, "well, what can we do to help while we're waiting?"

"The nurse said talk to him. She said that it does help. Besides, it's not like there's anything else that we can do."

"What do we talk about?"

"Anything. She said try to keep things how they were when he was awake."

"Maybe we should get Kevin to yell at him or something. That might piss him off enough that he wakes up," AJ joked. Brian let a small smile appear on his lips, but it disspeared quickly.

"I just can't get over this," Brian confessed, "this wasn't supposed to happen. He was changing, things were going to be better ya know?"

"They will get better. Nick isn't gonna die, I can feel it. I'm going to tell you something that someone told me when I was in rehab," AJ said sitting next to Brian, "things are only as bad as you make them out to be. You just have to find the good in every situation and work with that."

"Yeah well, how is there any good in Nick being in a coma?"

"When he wakes up, this could act like a wake up call. I mean this time he almost died and I'm sure he's going to be aware of that and he's not stupid enough to do this to himself again. Things are going to be good."

"What if he doesn't wake up?"

"He will alright?" AJ assured him, "things are going to be alright, you've just got to believe."

"It's hard to believe when your best friend's in a coma and the doctors are telling you that they don't know if he's going to pull through," Brian explained.

"Brian I'm trying to make this as tolerable as I can but you aren't helping any," AJ answered, "look, if we are going to get through this, we are going to have to stick together and believe in Nick."

"It's tough."

"Yo, you think I don't know that?" AJ asked, "shit, I know what you're talkin about and I'm sure when Kev and D get here, they will too but we just gotta help Nick out by believein alright?"

"Yeah, I'll try," he answered. He sighed and glanced over at Nick.

"I guess that's better than nothing," he answered. AJ stood up and walked over to Nicks bed, "hey man, you'd better wake up soon cause I think you're startin' to give Rok wrinkels." Brian laughed at AJ's comment.

"Shut up," Brian replied.

"Just hang in there alright man. Things will get better." Just as AJ finished his sentence, Kevin walked in.

"So did anything happen?" he asked.

"Nothing," Brian answered.

"It's going to take time ya know," Kevin replied as he shut the door behind him.

"Yeah, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to last that long," Brian told his cousin.

"You will, don't worry. You have us to look after you. You're going to be just fine, don't worry about it," Kevin answered.

"I don't know about that."

"It'll be alright, trust me," Kevin replied, "so, what happened to Nick?"

"I told you, there was some stuff in the pills that Nick took. Whatever it was made him sick enough to fall into a coma. It happened as I was leaving after I dropped off his stuff," Brain explained again.

"Guys?" Howie said as he opened the door to the hospital room.

"Yeah, come in D," AJ answered when he heard Howie's voice.

"What happened? Brian just told me that he was at the hospital because Nick was in a coma," Howie explained.

"There was something in the pills that he took last night. Whatever it was really did a lot of damage," AJ answered.

"I can see that. Is Nick going to be alright though?"

"The doctors don't know," Brian answered, "they said each case was different and it depended on the person."

"Well as stubborn as Nicky is, I don't think he's going to let that happen to him. He's probably gonna be awake any time now,"
Howie said hoping to lighten the moment.

"If only that were true," Brian said sadly.

"Come on Rok. Don't bring all of us done," AJ warned, "we need to stay strong for Nick alright?"

"Oh, hello gentalman," Nicks nurse said when she walked into the room.

"Mrs. Waring, this is my cousin Kevin Richardson, Howie Dorough, and the crazy looking guy with the tattoo's is AJ McLean, but don't worry, he's harmless," Brian introduced, grinning at AJ when he finished his statement.

"Nice meeting you guys," she replied, "well, I'm here to check on Nicks condition to see if there have been any kind of changes. It should only take a moment."

"Is there anything seriously wrong with him?" AJ asked. The nurse looked up from Nick and towards AJ.

"You mean other than the fact that he's in a coma?" she replied.

"I guess that was a stupid question," AJ replied, "I'm just kinda worried about him ya know?" he said ignoring the light snickers that were coming from the others.

"It's alright. I assume you've never been in this situation before," she commented as she continued to look over Nick.

"Yeah," AJ nodded.

"Well, a coma is when the patient falls into a deep state of unconsciousness and cannot be awaken by stimuli which include loud noises and bright lights. A coma is usually brought on by some sort of trama to the brain. Either physical or chemical. Nick had a chemical trama. Nick was lucky though. Patients in his postion, with both drugs and alcohol in his system usually go into a coma because the flow of blood to the brain has completely stopped or has slowed down significantly."

"He didn't have any alcohol in his system," AJ said, "there was no way that he could have gotten it. Me and Howie got rid of all alcohol in the house."

"Well when we ran tests there were still traces of alcohol in his system. It could have been there for awhile. Nevertheless, it's there and Nick is very lucky to be alive."

"How could there still be traces in his system though?" Kevin asked.

"Had he recently consumed a lot of alcohol at one time?"

"Yeah," Kevin answered reluctantly.

"That's probably it. It was still there from that time. We were looking for it so the little that might have been in his system showed."

"Alright thank you," AJ answered. She smiled and nodded and then left them alone in the hospital room.

Chapter 19

Two weeks. It had been two weeks since Nick had been admited to the hospital. There had been no change in Nicks condition what-so-ever. Doctors had been keeping a close eye on Nick but even they were beginning to doubt that Nick would recover. Even though they wouldn't admit it, the guys knew it. After a day or so the guys started to take turns staying at the hospital to look over Nick, to wait for any changes. Also because they were all becoming extremely tired from spending all their time there. They figured it would be better if one person was with Nick so that way, someone was with him at all times, just incase something happened.

Brian started to stir from the chair that he had fallen asleep on. Even after he had gone home, he hadn't slept very much, if at all. He just kept worring about how Nick was doing. No matter what he did, he had Nick on his mind. It was sort of that big brother intution. Nick, in Brian's mind and heart, was his little brother and he worried about him. It came naturally. Finally, when Brian had opened his eyes, he looked over at Nick. He sighed and stood up from the chair and streched a little. Then he walked over to the bed where Nicks lifeless body lay.

"Morning Nick," Brian said softly, "how's it going today? You have any surprises instore for us today? We're all getting a little nervious man. I mean I know you're going to get through this, you always make it through anything. You know we're all here for you. We're doing everything that we can man, but it's getting kinda hard cause it hurts to see you like this. I know you probably haven't heard that from the other guys, but we all feel it. Don't tell AJ I told you, but he was crying when he left here earlier. Of course if you ask him about it, he'll deny it, but we both know it happened. He cares. I talked to your parents the other day. They called my house. They're worried about you too. Everyone is. Some how the press got a hold of what happened, and you know the tabloids had a field day with this. The fans have sent us a lot of letters of support though man. They are all praying for you, they want you to get better. So come on, I know you're trying hard to beat this. I know you can do it Nick, don't give up. You've beat the odds before and you'll do it again this time. I know you can. It's not your time. You have way too much to live for right now so I know God will have mercy on you because you're a good guy."

"Brian," Howie said as he walked into the room and saw Brian standing over by Nicks bed, talking to him.

"Hi," Brian replied.

"How's he doing?"

"The same. Nothing's changed at all," Brian answered.

"Give it some time. It's probably going to get worse before it gets better," Howie commented.

"No, I think we've been through the worst of it," Brian snapped, not wanting to believe that Howie was even the slightest bit right.

"Maybe, I'm not a doctor you know. I know just as much about this as you do so don't think you're the only one that's confussed."

"I know that I'm not the only one. It's just there's nothing to do. I want to help Nick," he confessed.

"We're doing what the doctor told us to, talk to him. I mean it's better than doing nothing right?"

"Yeah," Brian forced out sadly.

"It's going to be alright ya know Brian?"

"I wish I could believe that. I mean things don't look really good. I mean, shouldn't something have happened by now?"

"Brian relax. Something will happen when it's time," Howie responded.

"How are you staying so calm?" Brian asked.

"Because I know that getting mad and upset won't help anything," Howie replied, "that's not what's going to help Nick."

"Yeah well I don't know what else to do," Brian answered.

"That's alright. I really don't know whatelse to do myself. Just getting mad its just a waste of energy I think. Things will get better alright?"

"Yeah," Brian nodded, "I'm going to go home now and get some sleep. I really need it right now. Maybe it will help me clear my mind."

"Yeah you do that," Howie said nodding.

"Alright, call me if anything happens," he replied as he walked out of Nicks hospital room. Howie sighed and walked over to Nicks bed.

"I guess it's just me and you again," he started, "Brians really worried about you. I'm sure you know that though. Actually everyone's really worried about you. Even Kerry. She wants you to get better. She does care about you man. Anyway, let me tell you what's been going on. We've all been here looking over you because we want to be there when you wake up. Which we know is soon. Brian's the most upset by this, but I'm sure you heard that in his voice. AJ's been upset too. He's been real emotional which for AJ is weird. Kev's upset too. He really wants you to get better. I heard him say the other day that he feels a little responsible for this. He said he didn't see that something was wrong with you when he dropped you off at the clinic. It's not his fault, you and I know that. I've tried telling him that but he doesn't listen. He just keeps coming up with more reasons. It's scary. I mean Kev was always the strong one and now he's a reck. It makes me wonder how long it's going to take for the rest of us to break down. If Kevin's lost it then I don't know if we even stand a chance. But I do believe in you man. I know that you can get through this for us and for yourself, just stay strong."

Howie looked down at Nick for a moment longer and then walked over to the window to look out into the early morning sky. He sighed and continued to stare until he heard a soft moan coming from Nicks bed.

"Nick?" Howie asked as he walked over to Nicks bed when he heard him moan again. "Nicky, are you awake?"

"D, where am I?" he asked and Howie's eyes widend in shock. He couldn't believe that Nick was awake.

"You're at the hospital. You fell into a coma about two weeks ago."

"What?" he asked not completely understanding what Howie was telling him.

"Something happened to you at the clinic which caused you to go into a coma. Brian came to the hospital with you when it happened. We've all been spending time here hoping you would wake up."

"I don't understand," Nick replied, his voice coming out barely a whisper.

"Woah, stay with me man," Howie said, thinking that something was happening to Nick again, "let me go get a doctor." Howie ran out into the hallway, and began to look around and then he saw Nicks nurse, Mrs. Waring, "Nick woke up," he said breathlessly after running down to catch up with her.

"What?" she asked.

"Nick's awake. He was just talking to me. He was askin about what happened," Howie replied, "I'm serious."

"Let's go check him out then," she answered and then they started to walk towards Nicks room. They went in and the nurse slowly walked over to Nick. She didn't want to startle him.

"Mr. Carter?" she asked when she was standing next to his bed.

"Who are you?" he asked. She smiled and sighed.

"I'm Mrs. Waring. I'm your nurse. Mr. Dorough just came to get me when you woke up. I'm just going to look you over very quickly to make sure that you're alright. Okay?" she answered.

"Yeah, sure," he told her.

"Good." Howie took one last look at the nurse and then walked into the hallways of the hospital and immediately called Brian.

"Hello?" Brian asked, his voice filled with exaustion.

"Bri, it's Howie. Nick woke up!"

"What!?" Brian asked, his voice taking life.

"Yeah, the nurse is in there looking at him right now. You should come down here," Howie told him.

"I was going to. I'll see you in a few minutes Howie."

"Alright."

"Oh, and call the other guys alright? They should be there too," Brian commented.

"Alright can do. I'll give them a call right now. Just get your butt down here."

"On my way," Brian answered then hung up. Howie smiled softly and then dialed in AJ's number. After the phone rang several times, AJ finally answered.

"Hello?" AJ answered, mid-yawn.

"J, Nick came out of his coma," he said immediately.

"D, is that you?" AJ asked.

"Yeah, come down to the hospital. Nick's awake."

"Really??" AJ asked, "how's he doing?"

"From what I was in there for, he's great. The nurse is in there looking at him right now. I thought I would take this time to call you guys so you could get your ass over here."

"Yeah I'll be right down there. Did you call Rok yet?" AJ asked.

"He was the first one that I called. I knew that he needed to know that Nick was better the most. Ya know, it might help him feel better and get back to normal."

"Yeah, so I'll be down there in a few minutes and we can talk then."

"Okay, see ya later."

"Bye." Howie sighed and then dialed in Kevins number.

"Hey, who is it?" Kevin answered.

"Kev, it's D, come down to the hospital now. Nick's awake."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah, just come down here and we'll talk then."

"Yeah, I'll be right there," Kevin replied.

Chapter 20

Howie looked down the hallways as he waited for the guys to show up. The nurse hadn't come out yet and Howie wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. He just wished he knew what was going on. Howie sighed as he continued to look around the halls. Wating for someone to come there or for the nurse to come out and tell him what was going on. It was hard to just sit back and wait to know what was happening to one of your best friends. Or even to find out if he's going to be alright.

"D," AJ yelled as he came running down the hall towards where Howie was sitting, waiting. "What happened? I got here as fast as I could. I don't think my car could have gone any faster."

"I don't know yet. The nurse hasn't come out yet."

"Why don't we just go in there and ask her whats up?" AJ said.

"Let her do her job AJ. She'll come out and tell us something when she knows everything about his condition."

"I think she should have at least come out here and told you what the hell was going on."

"Chill out J. She knows what she's doing alright?"

"Yeah well I wanna know if he's okay," AJ snapped.

"So do I." AJ looked over at Howie and then took a deep breath to help him calm down.

"I know. It's just I'm sick of waiting."

"We all are," Howie replied.

"Guys," Brian yelled as he and Kevin started walking quickly towards them, "any news?"

"Uh-uh," Howie replied, "I haven't talked to the nurse yet, she hasn't come out to talk to me."

"What the hell could be taking her so long," Brian said with slight fustration in his voice. He really wanted to talk to Nick already. Why couldn't she let them in there while so worked, just so they could talk to Nick. Just to hear his voice again. They had all been through a lot and they just wanted to know that there brother was alright.

"She's probably making sure that he's alright," AJ said, "I mean drugs can leave perminate damnage. That's probably what she's looking for. To see if he needs any help for it or something, I don't know."

"Gentalman," the nurse said as she walked out of Nicks room and saw all of the guys standing outside, waiting, hoping.

"Is he alright?" Brian asked immediately.

"He's doing very well. Which is quite amazing considering the matter that caused him to go into the coma in the first place. He's awake and aware of what's going on around him. He has his complete memory with the acception of what happened back at the clinic," she answered.

"He doesn't remember what happened?" Howie asked.

"No, at least not why he's here. He remembers most of it leading up to the events that got him here."

"Doesn't actually remembering happening?" Howie asked, making sure he comprehended what the nurse was telling him.

"Exactly," she replied, "you guys can go in there and talk to him now. He's been asking for you guys since I told him about what happened."

"Thank you for everything nurse Waring," Brian said as he extended his arm to the woman before him and smiled and took his hand for his thankful handshake.

"Just doing my job Mr. Littrell, now go in there and see your friend," she said to him. He nodded and walked off towards Nicks room with the guys only a step behind him.

"Nick," Brian said egarly.

"Brian," Nick said sitting up quickly, "what the hell happened? She told me that you were there when it happened. What exactly did happen?"

"I just saw them taking you to an ambulance. You had collapsed. I freaked and went got into the ambulance with you," Brian explained, "that's really all I know about it."

"So you didn't see anything?"

"No. Why?"

"I just wanted to know what happened," he answered.

"Well kid," AJ said, "you're okay and that's all that matters alright?"

"Yeah," Howie replied, "you had us all scared to death man. I don't think any of us had a decent nights sleep since it happened. We all thought something was gonna happen to you." Nick nodded. He really wasn't sure what to say to them. They had stayed with him even when he was putting them through hell. There was nothing that he could say that would tell them how thankful he was, even though he didn't always show it.

"I don't think they're gonna keep you here much longer," Kevin said, "maybe a few days."

"Then I go back to the clinic, I know," Nick replied.

"Yeah but don't worry about that right now. Just worry about getting better so that it's possible for you to go back," AJ told him.

"How's Kerry?
"
"Dude," AJ said half shocked that he even brought her up but then again AJ knew how much Nick wanted her to forgive him, "we really haven't talked to her. She knows about what happened but like I said, we haven't really talked to her. We lost touch, but that's good because she needs to get her mind back together before she can do anything else," AJ added quickly.

"Yeah," Nick answered, "so how are you guys doing?"

"Been better," Brian replied.

"I'm sure," Nick answered, "but thanks for sticking with me. I know it had to be hard for you guys. Cause it sure as hell ain't easy for me."

"Don't worry kid, everything's going to be alright," Kevin replied, "nothing else is going to go wrong because I think we're all more prepared to handle these kinds of situations now that we've been through them. We won't let you stray again. We'll make sure that you're safe because that's the most important thing."

"But you will have your space," AJ added to Kevins statement, "we won't take that from you unless we think that you're hurting yourself again, but that won't happen again right?"

"No," Nick answered softly.

Chapter 21

A week later, Nick was released and sent back to the clinic. Only this time, he was guarded twenty-four hours. It was believed that Nick had over dosed while he was in the clinic. No one could prove that it wasn't true so security was assigened to keep an eye on Nick at all times. It was against his wishes, as well as the wishes of the other guys. They had promised him his space, but these security guards were giving him less than he had been given before this happened. Even knowing the fact that Nick admitted what he had done was wrong and that he did infact want help didn't help him gain any trust from anyone there.

No one looked at him the same way anymore. It killed him to know that no one trusted him because of something that he had no control over. He hadn't had anything when he was in the clinic. He was there because he wanted the help that they were offering. Otherwise he never would have let Kevin take him there. Not if he hadn't believed that he was doing this to help himself and because he wanted it.

Another thing that hurt him beyond words was that if the guys wanted to visit him, there had to be security in the room with them. For some reason, someone thought that Brian had brought whatever it was that hurt Nick into the clinic. It wasn't Brian, Nick had even insisted on it. Brian would have never done anything that he thought would hurt Nick in even the slightest way. Nick couldn't believe that anyone would have believed that Brian might want to hurt him. It was simply the craziest thing that he had ever heard.

What happened was his own fault and Nick knew that. He was the one that had to sneak behind the guys backs and do things that were so stupid that even came close to taking his life. The guys were the ones that were doing everything in there power to make sure that Nick was going to be alright. He couldn't understand why they couldn't be trusted. He tried to explain that to everyone, they wouldn't listen to him though. No matter how hard he tried, no one listened. A tear rolled down Nicks' cheek.

He felt so alone at that moment. There was no one for him to talk to, which was what he really needed at that point. Someone that would just listen to him for awhile and let him get out everything that he had been holding in. He didn't want to talk to security or even Maria. He wanted someone to talk to that had always been there for him even when he tried to push them away. Nick sighed as yet another tear fell from his eyes. He had never felt this alone before.

It was like he was locked away in this room away from the rest of the world. There was a time when he thought that this was the best thing in the world, but right now, he needed someone there with him. Someone that he knew, that he could trust. Everyone here was telling him that he could trust them and that he could talk to them, but if they wanted him to trust them, they were going to have to trust him.

Nick pulled the blanket up a little higher on his body so that it was now touching his chin. He didn't know what else he should do. So he just stayed there, not letting anyone in, or eating. Just staying in there alone. Another tear slowly made its way down Nicks cheek. He didn't know what else there was to do. Too many other things had caused him pain. Nothing seemed to work, just end up causing him more pain.

"Nick," he heard as someone starting banging on the door. He rolled over so that his back was now facing the door, "It's AJ." Quickly, Nick sat up and walked over to the door and opened it to see AJ, staring at him fearfully.

"Hi," Nick managed to force out.

"What are you doing to yourself man? When I came in the doctor told me you haven't been eating and you haven't been talking to anyone. What's wrong Nick?" AJ asked, partially aware of the reason why Nick was acting like this.

"I just haven't been hungry or in the mood to talk."

"In three days?" AJ asked, "come on Nick. I know you don't like how things are right now but I promise that they're going to get better. If you work with everyone here, you'll be back home soon man. Just you gotta talk to your doctors and do what they tell you. I know you don't like that we can't talk to you without security, but it's not like you have anything to hide. Is there?"

"No, I just..... it's just," Nick sighed, "I want to be trusted."

"You have to earn that right now," AJ answered a little nervously, "I mean me and the guys trust you. We're behind you 100 percent every step of the way. It's just your doctors have to see that you're worth trusting again. You know they think you ODed here. It's up to you to show them that you can live without it and that you want to get better man."

"Why can't they just believe me?"

"I told you, they have to know that you're trustworthy. Everything they think about you is based on what they know about what happened here. Show them that what they know and what they saw isn't everything about you. That you're a really cool guy beyond all that alright?"

"I just don't know if I can do that."

"You can Nick. I've known you along time and I know you're a good person just a lot of shit happened and you didn't know how to handel it. I know all about that because I've been there myself, but Nick, you can't keep yourself down and you can't let anyone take you down."

"I don't know how long I'm going to be able to do that," Nick replied.

"That's why you're here man. Your doctors and stuff want to help show you that you can be strong everyday of your life. You were before and you will be again. I know it because you want to be and because you have a great team of doctors that want to help you get better. You just have to let them Nick."

"What am I doing this for?" Nick asked unsure of himself.

"So you can be happy. That's the main thing man. Ya just gotta be happy and feel better and not be so damn depressed. It sucks I know, but you'll get through it, just like I did."

"But I'm not like you AJ. I don't know if I can do this myself."

"First of all, you're not alone. Me and the other guys are here for you, we always are. Second, you're going to be able to make it through this. Yeah, you may not be like me but a lot of people who were a lot different than me have gone through this and made it out better people so I'm sure that you will too," AJ explained.

"I'm just scared man," Nick replied.

"Yo, it's okay to be scared. This is a weird time for you but I promise that you're going to get through this and if you need help or someone to talk to, I'm always just a phone call away. Don't ya ever think that you're in this alone."

"I'll remember that," Nick replied as AJ nodded and left Nick alone in his room. Nick rested his head upon the pillow once again and let out a long sigh of fustration and confussion. Was he really going to be able to make it through this?

Chapter 22

Nick awoke to the sun shinning brightly upon his face. He squinted his eyes so that he could see. Slowly, he stood up from his bed and walked over to the window and pulled the shade down. The sun was too much for him. He sighed as his eyes began to adjust to the darkness once again. His attention turned to the door when he heard someone opening it.

"Mr. Carter?" the nurse asked as she looked in on him.

"Yes," he replied, his voice still horse.

"The doctor would like to see you in a little while so I suggest you get yourself cleaned up and maybe have some breakfast while you can," she told him.

"Alright, I'll be ready in a little bit," he answered yawning.

"You know where to find Doctor Santiago correct?" she asked.

"Maria? Uh yeah, room 206 right?" he replied.

"Yes, that's correct."

"Alright I'll be there in a few minutes alright?" he asked. The nurse nodded and shut the door behind her. Part of Nick didn't want to go up and talk to Maria. She wasn't going to believe him when he told her that he didn't take the pills while he was in the clinic and that it was just sort a delayed reaction so to speak. After all, he was there to get help. He had just walked in, the guys didn't have to drag him in, didn't that say something. Obviously not, Nick told himself. These people only thought of him as some drug addict and that was it and that there was no depth to his personality.

Hell, there was a lot to him, he thought. If you looked past the negative, he was a pretty good guy. There had never been a time before all of this that he had really been in serious trouble, just minor things that most teenagers go through, nothing that could really hurt him. He was a great older brother. Thinking back, he couldn't remember a time that he wasn't there when his brother or sisters needed him the most. They always came first, they were his family after all.

He hadn't even talked to them in a long time and he began to wonder how they were doing. He was sure that they had heard everything about what had been going on with him by now. Everyone had. He could see the headlines now 'BackStreet Boy Number Two Enters Rehab, who's next?' or 'BackStreet Boy Nick Carter: Drug Addict.' God how he hated the press sometimes. They didn't even stop to think about what he was going through. No, they just jumped at the chance to get a story.

Critics were going to have a feild day with this one, Nick thought as he pulled some clean clothes out of his bag. They were always looking for something that would bring them down. This was basically handed to them on a sliver plater. First AJ, now Nick. Not to mention it's been two years since there last album. What stress could there be in time off? Nick knew better than that though. Yes, this may have been his time away from the music industry, but he could never escape who he was.

People were going to recongize him no matter where he went. In the back of his mind he always wondered if all these people he met liked him for the type of person he was or just because he was a BackStreet Boy. That's a lot of stress for someone to deal with. The situation just keeps getting worse. The bigger he became the more he had to worry. It had made it to the point where Nick didn't trust anyone that he'd never met before. Everytime he met someone, he convinced himself that they were just being nice to him because he was famous and not simply because they thought that he really was a good person.

Kerry helped him get over that part of his life. She opened so many doors for him. She had been the reason that he was able to start going out and live his life again. It was just that life was the wrong one. He'd always known about the dangers of what he was doing, but after the first time he tired it and all he felt was positive effects, he was hooked. If only he could go back and change everything. He and Kerry would still be together and he wouldn't be where he was.

So many things would have been different if he had just listened to everyone when this first started. If only he had done the right thing instead of giving into what was going on around him. Everything that had happened took his life away from him. Things were never going to be like they were before all of this. Never. No matter how hard he tried to erase this part of his life from everyone's minds, they would still know about it and think about it. Maybe the would even think of him as some one that gave into his problems.

He may have let them take control for a while but he did eventually fight back and admit that he had a problem. Everyone accepted this with AJ, why should he be any different? They were both only human and were entitled to make mistakes. Didn't everyone at one point or another make a mistake? Sure they did, he thought as he finished dressing. He didn't feel like having breakfast so he sat back down on his bed and continued to think. He was so scared at that point.

His mind filled with confussion. Maria wasn't going to be any help and that was because she didn't trust him. Inorder to help him they were going to have to trust him and that was something that they proved they didn't believe. They had locked him up alone with tight security around at all times. If that's what trust was, then he was the most trusted man on the planet, he thought as he closed his eyes.

"I wonder what Kerry's doing," he whispered to himself. He still hadn't forgiven himself for what he did to her that night and he was sure that she hadn't forgiven him either. Could any one blame her? It was Nicks ignorance that caused her all the pain she was suffering. It was his sheer stupidity that did all of this to them. He ruined two perfectly good lives. On top of that the guys were suffering too. He'd put them through so much. They were at the hospital both times he had become sick.

They were the ones that stayed by him so that they could help him get better. They never gave up on him. Which Nick was sure was probably the easiest thing to do at that point. Just to forget him and act like nothing was going on. That's what most people would have done. They would have let him kill himself basically. Even Kerry wanted to help him, she was the one that begged him to stop drinking and taking drugs before it was too late. He should have listened to her. If he had, he knew he would have her with him.

Nick glanced over at the clock that was on the other end of the room and decided that he should at least start heading up. He knew that security was going to be outside when he opened the door but there wasn't anything that he could do about it. They were going to be there for as long as the clinic wanted them too. He was just going to have to do this best to prove that he was trustworthy so that they wouldn't be around. As Nick stepped into the hallway, he saw two security guards standing there.

"I was just heading up to Maria's office," Nick told him, "I'm sure that at least one of you is going to want to come along." Maybe this was going to work, he thought to himself. Security was one group of people that he had to convince that he was trustworthy and by the looks on there faces, they were shocked that he had welcomed them instead of putting up a fight. Good move Nick, he told himself.

One of them nodded and Nick started to walk towards Maria's office. The guard kept his attention strongly on Nick like he thought that he was going to try something. No such luck buddy, Nick said in his head as he fought to keep a smirk off of his face. Can't let them see that I'm amused by this, Nick told himself. The halls were pretty long. If the numbers weren't going in order, Nick would have gotten himself lost a long time ago.

They were almost there, Nick said to himself as he saw room 201. Just a few more doors. The security guard was still watching Nick intently. He still must have thought that Nick was going to try something. Nick sighed as he walked up to the door of Marias office. He opened the door and she was sitting behind her desk with two security guards, one on each side of her. Nick looked at them confussed. What was this all about?

"Do you have anything that you would like to tell us Nick?" Maria started off looking at Nick seriously. He looked back at her, he still wasn't sure what was going on.

"What are you talking about?" he asked as his eyes moved to take a good look at both of the security guards that were with her. He'd never seen them before. Maria looked at Nick and let out a long sigh, like she was agrivated with him for some reason. There was no reason for her to be was there?

"We found these in your bag shortly after you were admitted to the hospital," she said pulling out a bottle of pills. He looked at the bottle in her hand. His mind was spinning. They weren't his, he didn't know how they had gotten into his bag.

"They aren't mine," he finally choked out.

"Mr. Carter," she said patiently, "they were found in your bag."

"I understand that, but you have to believe me. Those aren't mine. I got rid of the last bottle that I had. I dumped it into the garbage disposal at my house."

"Denying this is just going to make things worse Mr. Carter," she said, her patience becoming thin and worn.

"What are you talking about??" Nick said shaking his head. His mind wasn't processing anything any more. He just knew that those pills weren't his.

"We've called the police," she replied. Nick looked up at her, his eyes were wide and filled with confussion.

"What? I didn't do anything.... those aren't mine. I swear," Nick said stumbling over his words.

"We're just going to have to leave that up to the police to decide," she answered.

"This can't be real," Nick mumbled, "this isn't happening."

"Mr. Carter, the police are going to be hear any moment and I advice that you cooperate with them so you don't make things any worse on yourself," she said looking up at Nick.

"But I didn't do anything!" Nick yelled angerly. Tears were swelling in his eyes. He didn't know what else to do any more .

"Keep your temper under control," she replied after his outburst. Nick opened his mouth to say something but the doors behind him opened. He turned around to watch as two police officers walked into the room. Nick glanced over at Maria as one of the officers took Nicks hand behind his back and started to read him his rights.

How could she be doing this to him? Why did she have to call the police on him instead of talking to him first and giving him a chance to tell his side of the story. Though he knew that he didn't do anything, he didn't put up a fight. That would just make things worse, he knew that much. Tears started to roll down his cheeks as the officers lead him out of the hospital and into the squad car.

His eyes remained on the building as they drove away from it. Nick wasn't sure how he should be handling this situation any more. He just wanted things to get better. He was sick of his life being a mess. This was just another obstical in his path to getting better.

"Excuse me officers," Nick said his voice coming out weak, "could one of you explain what's going on??" The officer in the passanger seat turned around to look at Nick who had tears rolling down his cheeks.

"Dr. Santiago called us because of the drugs that you had in your possesion," he replied.

"They aren't mine," he replied maintaining his innocence, "I came here because I wanted to get help. I wanted to prove to everyone that I could get better."

"Well son," the officer said, "I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry that all this had to happen but I'm doing my job."

"I know," Nick replied leaning back in the chair. He cool metal of the handcuffs was present around his wrists. This can't be real he told himself. I'm going to wake up and it's all going to be over. The officer turned back around to look at the road in front of him. Nick shut his eyes and rested his head against the back of the seat. What was he supposed to tell the guys? They were never going to believe what was happening. Nick was going through it and he didn't believe it.

Chapter 23

Nicks eyes roamed over the cell. He had called Brian to come down to the station to get him. He was still in police custody and he wanted someone there. Brian said that he was going to call Nicks lawyer before he came over and he advised Nick not to answer any questions without his lawyer there. Nick knew that was the best thing to do, but he wasn't thinking clearly enough to come up with things that would be common sence to anyone else.

Some many things were happening all at once and he couldn't keep track of them all. One minute he was at the clinic and everything was alright for the most part and now he was in jail. He had insisted that the pills that they had found were'nt his though he had a strong feeling that they didn't believe him or just didn't want to hear it.

Nick ran his shaky hands through his hair. The longer he was in the cell, the more nervous he became. He didn't know what he was going to do about all of this. What is the cops talked to Kerry and they talked her into pressing charges? He'd be sent to prision for sure. He didn't want that, he just wanted to get better. Thats the reason why he was at the clinic to being with. A lone tear rolled down his cheek as he remained seated on the bench in the cell.

He looked up when he heard the door on the other side of the hall open. Brian was standing with the officer. He ran over to Nick right away as the officer stepped out of the room. Brian looked in at Nick to see how upset this whole ordeal had caused him to be.

"Nick tell me exactly what happened," Brian started.

"I'm not really sure. Maria said that she found a bottle of pills in my bag after I went to the hospital, but they aren't mine Brian I swear," Nick said emotionally.

"I believe you Nick," Brian replied, "your lawyer is up front trying to get you out of here. It should only be a few more minutes."

"I hope so because I can't stand it in here. I didn't want it to come to this Brian. You have to believe me. I never wanted to end up here, I tried to get better. I really tried Brian, I did."

"I know you did Nick. You don't have to convince me of that alright buddy," Brian said assuringly. Nick nodded at him, thankful that he was there for him.

"I'm scared Brian."

"Don't worry Nick, this is all going to be over soon, I promise."

"What if they talk to Kerry?" Nick asked, "she's going to tell them what I did and I don't want to end up here again. I'd do anything to stay out of this place."

"I don't know what's going to happen about that," Brian admitted, "we just have to see what happens. I can't give you any answers Nick, as much as I want to, I just don't know."

"I know," Nick answered softly.

"I mean I don't think Kerry will press charges," Brian said a couple of moments later, "she was there when we took you to the hospital and everything. She knows that you're at least trying to get better and I think that's going to help a lot."

"Not if they really want to arrest me Brian. Rape's a crime," Nick told him.

"She has to press charges for them to do anything and I don't think that she will. As far as your doctor, Nick I have no idea whats going to happen," Brian answered honestly.

"She must have had someone plant that stuff," Nick said softly, Brian looked in at his friend, not really sure what to say to him, "I mean thats the only explainataion that I can think of. I got rid of the last bottle that I had and you packed the bag I sure as hell know that you wouldn't do that to me so that means Maria was the only person or Mark..."

"Who's Mark?"

"This guy I was sharing my room with, but I don't think that he did it. I mean he was there cause he wanted to help. He was even telling me about how he ended up there," Nick answered.

"Nick, I'm just as confussed as you are," Brian confessed.

"Unless he was a spy or something," Nick said suddenly.

"You've been watching too much TV Nick," Brian replied shaking his head, "I don't think that he was a spy. Besides, why would they want to spy on you?"

"Come on Brian, it's cause I'm famous! He was probably some reporter that was out up to it so that he could have a good story," Nick reasoned.

"Please Nick," Brian said, "I don't think that the hospital would be up for that."

"How do you know that Brian??" Nick shouted.

"Woah, Nick relax," Brian said softly, "don't get too angry because then you might do something to hurt your case alright? Look, I'm sure everything is going to be looked into and the police will find out who put that stuff in your bag."

"I hope so because I didn't have anything to do with that," he replied.

"I know," Brian assured him. He didn't know what else to tell him. No matter what he said he knew that he couldn't fix things. There wasn't anything that he could do about the pills that they had found in his bag. Brian knew the moment that he stepped back outside where the officer that was incharges of Nicks case was, he was going to tell him that he had packed the bag himself and he had checked for anything before he even left to go to the clinic.

There was nothing in that bag when Brian had left the house and there was nothing in the bag when Brian was leaving the clinic. He'd seen Nicks empty bottle laying on the kitchen counter so he knew that Nick hadn't brought it in. As an extra precaution, Brian and the other guys had made sure that Nick was only allowed to have certain people visit him so that nothing could be smuggled in. No one other than Brian and AJ had been there to see Nick and AJ wouldn't do anything like that knowing how hard rehab was.

The doctor was really the only person that they could think of, though they couldn't think of a reason why. She was supposed to be there to help people so why would she want to hurt someone. Brian had considered what Nick had said her reasoning was, doing this because he was famous. That didn't make sence thought. Her clinic and her name would be in all the papers and it would end up hurting her name.

"Mr. Littrell," the officer said as he walked into the cell room, "I'm going to have to ask you to leave now."

"Alright," Brian answered as he looked in at Nick, "I'm going to do what I can to get you out of here alright?"

"Please," Nick said softly, "I don't like it here and I'm not sure how much more I can take being in this place."

"You'll be alright," Brian replied as he walked out, leaving Nick alone once again. He sighed and rested his head against the wall behind him. He really hoped that Brian would come through for him fast.

"I don't believe that my client had anything to do with the drugs in his bag," Nicks lawyer, Sean Hamilton, said as Brian walked into the office of the detective that was incharge of Nicks case. Brian didn't say anything as he took a step towards the side so he wouldn't bother Nicks lawyer.

"That's what you're being paid to say Mr. Hamilton," the detective countered. Brian looked over at them, trying to decide weather or not to get involved.

"I only say what I really believe, and it's not because of the money," he replied.

"Mr. Hamilton, your client is an admitted drug addict am I correct?"

"Yes sir, but he was at the clinic, out of his own free will to get some help."

"Okay, how do you know that when he was packing his bag that he didn't slip this stuff in when no one was looking?"

"Because I packed his bag," Brian said without giving Mr. Hamilton the chance to respond, "I went through the bag before I used it. I wanted to make sure that he didn't have anything in there."

"Are you sure that you didn't see anything?" the detective asked.

"Yes, I went through it a few times over," he replied, "a close friend of ours is a recovering alcoholic and he told me that it would be a good idea if I went through the bag before I used it."

"You seem to attrack quite an odd bunch of friends Mr. Littrell," the detective said.

"They just had a lot of problems. My friend was really depressed but he's been clean more than a year now and Nick, he just didn't know how to handle that. He's known this guy for like ten years so it really brought him down," Brian explained, "he doesn't know how to deal with his stress."

"When did he decided that going to the clinic would be a good idea?" he asked leaning foward on his desk.

"A couple of weeks ago. He had just gotten out of the hospital and me and a few of our friends were taking turns staying at his house just to make sure that he was okay. He was able to get some of the pills that he was taking from someone when he was able to talk one of us into going to the store. He took them again and he noticed that Nick had passed out. He called us and we called the clinic. We brought him downstairs and we started to talk to him. At first he didn't want to hear it, he didn't think that there was anything wrong with what he was doing. That's when his ex-girlfriend came in and told him that it would be the best thing to do. He was sort of upset so he went into the kitchen. No one followed him because we thought that he just wanted to blow off some steam. Then a few minutes later, I went into the kitchen to talk to him. He had a knife in his hand and it was at his throat," Brian said becoming slightly choked up about it, "we were able to talk him out of it. Then he willingly went to the clinic. He knew he needed help."

"Well Mr. Littrell if your story is true," the detective answered, "then we still have one important detail missing and that is who did put it in his bag?"

Chapter 24

Nick started out through the window in his cell. He was beginning to become nervous. Brian hadn't come back yet and he hadn't heard anything from anyone. He'd begun pacing shortly after Brian had left, mainly from nervous. He was unable to relax. Quickly, his attention turned to the other end of the holding room when he heard the doors open. Brian was walking in with a police officer and Nicks lawyer by his side. Nick had never been so happy to see them before in his life.

"Mr. Carter," the officer said, "you've been released into Mr. Littrells custody."

"Alright," Nick answered as he shot a quick glance at Brian.

"He's going to be keeping us posted on what you've been doing or if you've started to do anything suspisous. He has been ordered to call immediatly or you will both suffer some stiff penalties," the officer explained.

"Alright, I understand," Nick answered, just glad that he was able to leave the cell that he had been confined to for the past several hours. The officer nodded and opened the cell door and Nick walked out quickly. As if he thought that if he didn't leave fast enough that the officer might lock him back up again.

"An officer is going to come by the house at random times just to keep an eye on you," the officer continued, "we must be informed of any trips that you might be taking or anything like that before hand."

"Sounds fair," Nick replied, just hoping that the officer would let him leave now. He didn't want to spend any more time there than he already had.

"Alright then, you're free to go," he answered as he walked the three of them to the door. The men walked through the lobby and stopped when they reached outside. Nick took in a deep breath of air as Brian stood, smiling at him.

"I am so happy to finally be outta there," Nick said.

"I can see that man," Brian told his friend.

"Gentalman," Mr. Hamilton said, "I'm sure that there may be a trial involved in this, but then again there might not be. Just in case there is, remember to give me call. I'm already familiar with the case and it would benifit you more."

"Alright we will," Nick replied as he shook his hand. Thankful for his help.

"Good day," he said with a nod as he began to walk towards his car.

"So, I'm going to have to stay with you for a while huh?" Nick asked as he started to walk with Brian to his car.

"Yeah, that was the only way I could get them to release you. They knew tha bail wouldn't have been an issue. They let you out in my custody because they're not sure if it would be safe to have you out on your own. I mean I trust you man, but that's what it took to get you out of there," Brian explained.

"That's alright with me. Anything is better than having to stay there. I don't think I would have been able to make it through the night if I had to," he joked, "besides, I don't mind spendin' some time with my best bud." Brian smiled as he unlocked the passanger side door for Nick and then walked around his car to the drivers seat. He opened the door and took a seat and looked over at Nick.

"We're going to figure out what happened alright?" Brian said to Nick, "We'll call some Private I or something if we have to, but we're going to get down to the bottom of this no matter what it takes."

"What if I don't want to know?" Nick asked.

"What?" Brian asked, confused by Nicks words.

"I mean that's part of my past and I want all that gone. Spending a whole lot of time tryin to figure out who it was that did this would be like staying in the past. I just want to move on and let it all go," he answered.

"Nick, I can understand that, but we need to find the person that did this. You heard with Mr. Hamilton said, there might be trials and if there are, Nick we need hard evidence that you weren't involved so that you don't get arrested again."

"Fine, the sooner we get it done the better," Nick replied softly.

"Yeah man, we'll get it done as quickly as we can," Brian told him and smiled. He started up the car and started the car and drove off in. Nick was staring out of the window of the car, watching everything go by in a blur. He was in major need of some serious soul searching. Everything that had been happening really made him about his life and that you really should get things in order. It was really scary that he almost lost his life two times. Three if you count the attempted suicide.

"Do you think Leighanne will mind having me around?" Nick asked after a few minutes, still keeping his attention on everything passing by the car.

"No, not at all," Brian replied, "I've already talked to her about it and she has no problem with it cause she's all for helping you."
Nick let out a long sigh for to him seemed like the millionth time. Everything was happening so quickly and he was afraid that he was going to mess things up again, like he did in the past. Kerry was the best thing that ever happened to him and he lost her because he was too stupid to realize what he was doing to her. Nick let a small smile slip upon his face as he began to think about all the good times that he and Kerry had over the years.

He remembered the first night that he met her. He was so scared that she was going to turn him down if he talked to her that he almost didn't. In his eyes she was so beautiful that he couldn't see her wanting to be with him. Or at least for the right reasons anyway. That's when AJ came in and told him just to do it and to talk to her. Nick was reluctant, he still had his doubts, but he went to talk to her anyway.

Things turned out a lot better than he could have imagined. They had so much in common that he couldn't help falling completely in love with her. They started dating right away and it was only a matter of months before she moved in with him. Everything was going great. There wasn't anything more that Nick could ask for. His career was at the highest point that it had ever been and he had his girl who he was madly in love with and had her complete love in return.

Then things started to go wrong. Nick completely lost control of his life. When AJ had to go to rehab, that's when Nick completely lost it. Yeah, he'd gone to clubs before and had a few drinks but nothing that could really hurt him or anyone else for that matter. That's how he was introduced to the drugs. One night when he had been drinking heavily, this guy had come up to him and told him how great this stuff had been. How it made him feel like there was nothing wrong with the world.

Nick didn't need any more persuasion to take it. He'd been tempted by the promise of having things get better and he was willing to try anything. After that night, he kept dopping the pills. Night after night he would take them because they did help him feel better for a while and in his mind everything was infact better in the real world. Then AJ came home and saw what Nick had been doing.

He knew from the moment that he walked in the door that something was up with Nick but he wasn't sure if he should say anything, or if it even was anything. Nick might have just been really stressed out by what happened and dismissed it. Then things started to progress and AJ had suspected that something was wrong, but continued to keep it to himself. Then the day that they had gone to Nicks house and found him passed out, AJ felt so guilty. He could have done something to stop it, but he didn't.

"Nick," Brians voice came. Nick looked over at him, the smile gone from his face and tears starting to form in his eyes, "are you alright man?"

"No," Nick answered shaking his head quickly, "I really fucked things up man. You would have thought that I would have learned from AJ and stayed away from everything, but I didn't because I was so fucking stupid. I had to be the one that went out and just mess everything up for you guys even more. I always screw everything up Brian."

"No you don't Nick. You're just learning like the rest of us are," he replied, "it's okay to make mistakes because we all do."

"But I hurt Kerry, I never meant to hurt her Brian. I loved her."

"I know you did," Brian answered, "things happen sometimes man and it's alright."

"I really hurt her Brian," Nick whispered as his tears soon began to become too much for him to control.

"Relax Nick," Brian warned, concerned, "everything is going to be alright. Kerry is going to get better I promise you she will. She's going to be alright, just like you."

Chapter 25

Nick stared out of the window of the guest bedroom that Brian and Leighanne had put him in. There wasn't much to look at. There was just trees. Tree after tree and nothing more. He missed being able to look out of his window and see the ocean. Always relaxing and beautiful. He'd been at Brian and Leighannes for two days and he'd spent most of that time in his room. He really didn't feel like doing anything else. He just wanted some time to himself so that he could figure things out.

Nothing. He'd come up with nothing the entire time that he'd been thinking about it. The only thing he believed was that he'd messed up everyone lifes and he had this overwhelming guilt on his shoulders. He kept replaying what Brian had said to him in the car about it being alright to make mistakes but nothing could justify what he'd done.

There was no balance between right and wrong any more. It was as if all the negative was ten times larger than the good and there was no way that he was going to be able to close the gap. It was just too wide. Nick ran his fingers through his hair as he continued to stare. As tranquil as the scene before him was, he could fill his anger starting to build.

Someone was out to make his life worse. It was that person who put the pills in his bag, that was the person that caused him to have to go through all of this and Nick was going to find them and make them pay. That was it. That was what he had to do to restore the balance of good and bad in his life. The person that did this widened the gap and if he made him pay, everything would be alright. Everything would go back to normal and he would be happy again.

"Hey Nick," a voice came, breaking the silence that Nick had been in for the past two days. He turned to see Brian standing at the door, looking at him.

"Hi," Nick answered, still not really wanting to talk but he wasn't about to tell Brian to get lost because if it wasn't for Brian, he still might be in jail.

"How are you feeling?" Brian asked as he stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. 'Oh great,' Nick thought to himself, 'he's going to make me talk about this.'

"I'm alright," he answered, not wanting to give Brian any hints to what he was thinking.

"Are you sure? I mean you've been here two days and I haven't seen you yet man," Brian told him softly, "you can talk to me about whatever it is that's on your mind if you need to or want to. You know that right?"

"Yeah I know Bri, thanks."

"So, what have you been thinking about up here all by yourself?"

"Nothing," he answered, hoping that Brian would take the hint and leave him alone.

"Oh come on," Brian replied, knowing what Nick was intending on doing, but he wasn't about to give up easily, "something had to have crossed your mind while you were up here. Why don't you just tell me about it?"

"I told you it was nothing," Nick answered, turning his attention back to the window, maybe if he didn't listen, Brian wouldn't talk.

"I talked to some people," Brian started, "and someone told me about this P.I. I was thinking that maybe we could check it out and see what we can dig up." Slowly, Nick turned back around to face Brian. "Maybe that way we can find the person that framed you."

"Are you serious?" Nick asked, thinking that his revenge might be coming sooner than he had ever expected.

"Yeah, I have the guys number and stuff so I could give him a call and fill him in on the details and then let him do his job," Brian replied looking intently at Nick, "I could give him a call right now if you want."

"You should do that," Nick replied softly, "maybe that way they'll drop the charges against me and I won't have to go back to jail."

"Okay, I'm going to give this guy a call right now and see what's up," Brian replied as he started to walk towards the door, "I just hope that this all turns out alright because I would hate to see you have to go through all of this right now."

"You would?" Nick said softly, "it's going to be a bitch for me to handle man."

"Well, you're going to handle it man, we'll help ya, okay?" Brian assured him as Nick nodded and Brian walked towards the door and out of the room. Nick went to lay on the bed and think. His mind began to wonder about what was going to happen. He was at the point that he was willing to bribe the P.I. to put the blame on anyone. He just wanted all of this to end, at any price.

The price he was going to have to pay was too great for him and he wasn't willing to have to deal with everything that came as a result of it. Right now, all he wanted was for this to end, so that he wouldn't have to go back to jail. That was the last place that he wanted to end up. He'd already been there and he completely dispised it. Nick took in a shaky breath as he stood up from the bed again. His attention was quickly brought to the mirror that was on the other end of the room.

Slowly, he walked towards it. Unable to believe what he was seeing. This man in the mirror, the one looking back at him wasn't the man Nick had always seen when he looked into the mirror. This man had his light blue eyes clouded over with pain, anger, and revenge with the once white portion of his eyes now a dark red. Dark rings had formed below his eyes and his skin had become pale. His hair was a mess, it was sticking out in every direction. The longer he looked at himself, the more he saw how much he changed.

He must have lost a lot of weight while he was in the coma because he was much skinner than he remembered ever being. Frightening, was how to explain the transformation Nick had undergone. This was probably why everyone was looking at him so differently. He wasn't the man they knew and that scared even him because not even he knew the man that he was staring at. Only one action is needed to start a chain reaction.

Soon Nick' s hands were shaking viciously and uncontrolably. Never had he been so scared in his entire life. Was this what life had in store for him? No, it couldn't be. So many great things were in his future, he could almost taste them. Then.... he lost it all. He messed it up in one night of stupidity. It was because of him that he would not be happy. Tears once again started to form in his eyes.

Never had there been a time in his life that he would cry before now. There was never a good enough reason to mainly and partially because he was never a very emotional person. Crying was something that only the weak did, at least that's what he always thought. He wasn't weak, was he? Was this some sort of sign that he was once again losing control of his life? No, he wasn't going to let that happen, even if it took every ounce of strength in his body, he would never give into the darkness that had once consumed his entire exsistance.

Even if it killed him, he would never let that happen to him again. Anything that it took, he would do it, no matter what. As long as he didn't have to go through all the pain he was in right now, it didn't matter what he had to do. Almost anything would have been reasonable. Suddenly, he felt the grip of the demond. It was trying to pull him back into the darkness, but he wouldn't let it. He would fight to the death if he had to. Nick jumped and struggled with the strong grip of the hands on him.

"No! I won't let you take me!" Nick yelled as he continued to struggle.

"Nick," came a shouting voice. He cringed when he heard his name. They wanted him, they wanted him back. "Nick! It's me," the shouting came again.

"No, no, no! Let me go please," Nick said as he colapsed onto the floor in tears, hoping that these demonds would just leave him alone.

"Nick, it's Brian," Brian said as he knelt down next to Nick, "come on, talk to me. Are you alright?"

"I don't want to go back there Brian. Please don't let them take me," he pleaded.

"It's alright, I called the P.I, he's going to try and help you," Brian assured him as he put his arm around Nicks shoulder, hoping to calm him down a little bit.

"No, not them..," Nick sobbed, "the one's that did this to me." Brian looked at Nick. He wasn't sure what he meant by that, but whatever it was, it really found it's way to Nicks head and took over.

"Oh, it's alright man. I won't let anyone get to you alright," Brian said hoping his words would soothe him, "they'll have to go through me first okay?"

"I'm scared Brian," Nick whispered.

"It's okay Nick, everything is going to be alright."

Chapter 26

Kerry sighed as she continued to stare at the ceiling. She just couldn't bring herself to sleep. Everytime she closed her eyes, either that night replayed in her mind, or she wondered if Nick was okay. In her heart she knew that he never meant to hurt her, but in the end, he had. She was hurt in every definition of the word. Emotionally, physically, and physiologically. Scars had been left through out her body and her soul. As much as she wanted to hate Nick, her heart wouldn't let her. She had fallen inlove with the man he was before the drugs. That was the man that she wanted to be with.

She knew better now. That man would never be back. Nick would be forever changed. Even if he did get better, he would still be different. He wouldn't be that same innocent man that she had met and fallen in love with. He was dead, gone forever. Though she was sure that she could learn love the new Nick, part of her didn't want to. It was his fault she was in the emotional state that she was in. She had trusted him and he hurt her more than she ever imagined possible. Oddly, she had decided that it wouldn't have been as bad if he had cheated on her. At least that way, she wouldn't have any visible scars to show the world.

From now on, her life was going to be different and that was all because of what Nick did in one night. In one night, so many things happened. Dreams were shattered; she thought that they were going to spend the rest of their lives together that's how much they loved each other. Innocence was lost; he had shown her that he was capable of doing things that she had vowed would never let happen to her. When they first started dating, everyone was constanly telling her that it was a bad idea to get involved with Nick.

They said that he was just using her. There was no way that some major pop star could love a regular everyday girl, but she knew that Nick wasn't like that. He was capable of falling in love with any girl that had the right qualities. Kerry just happened to be that girl. At first, things were better than she ever could have imagined. Soon, like everyone had insisted from the beginning, things started to go bad. Nick had begun drinking, but at first, Kerry didn't think much of it. He was of age and wanted to give it a spin.

Then things became worse, and that's what made he wish that she had said something sooner. Even though she knew that Nick would tell her that he was alright and he wouldn't let things get out of control. If only she could change the past. Go back knowing what she knew now. None of this would have happened. She would have never accepted Nick's invitation. At least that way she wouldn't have to deal with all of this pain.

She pulled her blanket up a little higher and rolled onto her side. As much as Nick hurt her, she still wanted to know if he was doing okay because she wanted him to. Deep down he was a great guy. It just became lost in all of Nicks emotions. Once it was uncovered again, she knew that he would be able to go out and live a good life. It just wouldn't be with her because she made a promise to herself that she wouldn't go back to Nick. If he had done this once, what assurence did she have that he wouldn't do it again.

"Kerry," a soft voice came from her bedroom door. She looked up to see her brother standing there. A half smile casually appeared upon her face.

"Hey," she said quietly.

"You got a visitor," he informed her.

"Who is it?"

"AJ," he answered, "he just wants to see how you've been."

"Okay, send him up here," she told her brother. He smiled at her and stepped out of the room and AJ came in immediately following her brother.

"Hey girl, how are you?" he asked handing her a little teddy bear that he had brought for her on his walk over. She smiled and accepted the bear.

"A little better, but not much," she told him.

"The guys and I've been thinking about you. We just wanted to make sure that you were alright," he explained to her.

"Thanks for the thought," she replied.

"No problem Kerry," he said as his eyes began to wander around her room. It was evident that she hadn't left it in days, weeks even. Not that AJ could blame her, he had no idea what she was going through. It was just impossible.

"How's Nick?" she asked suddenly. AJ took a long breath as he turned his attention back towards her. He was kind of hoping that she wouldn't ask. Part of him had hoped that she had seen everything on tv by now and wouldn't feel a need to ask. On the other hand, he was happy that she cared. She was a great person even considering what had happened to her.

"I really don't know how to answer that question," AJ started. He was aware of what happened ealier at Brians house and everything before that. He just didn't know how to verbalize it, "a lot of shit happened to him."

"Like what?" she asked. Through that question it became obvious that she had completely shut her self out of the entire world. It had been breaking news on all of the television stations. 'Nick Carter Arrested at Clinic,' it was only a matter of time before the press picked up on everything, no matter how much they tired to hide it.

"He was arrested," he answered.

"For what?" she asked, concerned. AJ could tell that she still loved him. It was in her voice. It was in the way that she asked him questions like this. She really wanted to know if she could have the old Nick back. 'Good luck on that sister' AJ thought to himself. Having coming from a similar situation, he knew what changes would take place after he was better.

"Security at the clinic found a bottle of those pills in his bag, but they weren't his. We're sure of that because Brian was the one who packed his bag. We checked it over and over again. There wasn't anything in there," he explained.

"So they had him arrested for that?" she asked, "so who put that stuff in his bag if it wasn't you guys?"

"We don't know who put it in his bag, we're trying to find out now. From what Nick and Brian told me, they just took him into this ladies office, she pulled out the bottle and the police were there to take him away. Brian went to the station with Nicks lawyer and they got him outta there, but he has to stay with Brian until they know what happened. Then this morning, Nick had this break down. He went totally nuts. He fell onto the floor screaming 'don't let them take me,' he's really out there."

"Are you just saying that to make me feel bad?" she asked softly.

"No, you asked what happened and I told you. That's all. Kerry," AJ said looking her in the eye, "I'm not here to convince you to go and talk to Nick again. You've made your decision and I respect that. I just want to make sure that you know that."

"I know AJ. You're good like that," she replied, "you're a good guy J."

"Thanks, but enough about me, are you sure you're doing alright?" he asked.

"A lot better than I thought I would be doing. It's just there's a lot that comes with what happened. I'm never going to be the same again. Nick took a lot away from me and it's not that easy to just forget and move on."

"I'm sure it's not. I kind of have an idea where you're coming from, I mean there's no way that I can really know what you're going through, but I do know that somethings are hard to overcome, I know at least that much."

"But at least you had a choice," she said with tears starting to fill her eyes, "what Nick did to me, I can't change. I did everything I could that night to stop him but none of it worked. I had no say in the matter."

"Shhhhh," AJ said as he walked over to the bed to hug her, "I didn't mean to make you cry. I just wanted to be there for you, to help you, that's all. Please don't cry."

"AJ what did I do that would make Nick want to do this to me?" she said as she cried holding on tightly to AJ. He hadn't meant for this to happen. He just thought that he could help.

"I don't know honey, but it wasn't the Nick that you and I know that did this to you. Okay? We both know that the Nick that we know would never knowingly do anything that would destory you like this has."

"But he did AJ," she countered, "I told him to stop before things got too bad but he didn't listen to me AJ, he just didn't care and that's what happened. It's all his fault."

"Come on relax," AJ said when he heard her sobs becoming more powerful, "you're going to be just fine Kerry. You're a very strong woman and you're going to make it, alright honey? Just be strong."

"I love him," she mumbled. AJ paused when he heard what she muttered. Regardless of what Nick put her through, she still cared and that's what was bringing her down. He'd been prepared to talk her down from wanting to tear him to shreds from hatred. To talk her out of a state of depression, but he couldn't have even imagined that she would still love him. Most women would have had no problem walking away from the man that had caused them so much pain.

"What?" he asked, just to make sure that he heard her right. Because in his mind, there was no possible way that he could have heard her right.

"I still love him AJ, that's what makes this so damn hard. I want to let go but I just can't," she confessed with her tears becoming more consuming, "I still want to be with him, but I know it's not right. Not after what happened."

"Well, he can change Kerry, if that's what you're worried about. You were right to leave him when you did because he was in a bad situation that would have probably hurt the both of you, but now, he wants to change he wants to get help. So, if you're willing to maybe just talk to him, maybe we can straighten this whole thing out," AJ suggested. He wasn't sure what was going to happen upon Nick and Kerry seeing each other again. He wasn't sure if it was even the right thing to do at this point.

Kerry might end up blowing off steam and causing him to go back into the deep state of drepression that they had found him in. At this time, that would be the worst thing for both of them. Nick would lose control of his life again and Kerry would be away from Nick, who she claimed to still love. In the end, it may bring her a feeling of grief because she might feel that she was the one that brought on the negative turn of events that might occur. Maybe bringing them together again was the worst thing to do. Later when they were both had a clear mind about what happened would be a better time to have them speak.

"Can you take me to go see him?" she asked as she looked up at AJ, her eyes glazed over with tears. His eyes locked with hers and his heart almost broke when he saw the look of pain on her face. He couldn't tell her no, not when she was like this. Against his better judgement, a small smile played across his face.

"Sure honey, we could go see him," he answered, trying to hide the uncertainty in his voice. He didn't want to trouble her more than she already was. Though he wasn't completely sure what sort of impact that this was going to have on Nick. Hopefully it would do nothing but good for him. The only thing that AJ could do now was hope that everything worked itself out. He knew that Nick was at Brians, which he knew would give Kerry someone else to talk to. Brian was always good when you needed someone to talk to. He was always there, willing to listen and offer advice.

"Thank you AJ," shw whispered as she slowly pulled away from AJ and off of her bed, "I'm just going to take a quick shower and get dressed alright?" AJ nodded and she disappeared into the bathroom. In a moment of panic, AJ reached for his cell phone. He was going to call Brian to see if he thought that this was a good idea. Shakily his fingers dialed the numbers and he waited as the phone rang.

"Hello?" Brian anwered.

"It's AJ. I'm at Kerry's but she wants to come over to see Nick, what the fuck should I do?" AJ said quickly. He wanted to get this conversation over soon so that Kerry wouldn't know what he was doing.

"What did you tell her to make her want to see him?" Brian asked, shocked that Kerry would even consider talking to Nick, now, or even ever for that matter.

"Nothing, she just out and said that she wanted to go see him. I mean she asked about what happened and I told her, but I don't think that was enough because it wasn't before."

"Okay just bring her over," Brian told him, "I'll try and get Nick to look as decent as I possibly can. He looks like shit."

"Don't worry, she's not really herself either. I think it might help them to see each other at their worst. It might help them to apprciate things when they're are the best."

"Alright yeah, just don't be too surprised when you see him and he doesn't look much like the old Nick," Brian warned, "and make sure she's prepared to handle that too."

"Okay, I'll try my best man."

Chapter 27

Brian walked up the stairs to Nicks bedroom. It was crazy bringing Kerry over right now. Nick had just gone through some sort of break down and he wasn't completely ready to handle what might happen. Kerry wasn't exactly thrilled about what had happened and he knew that she wasn't going to be coming to make things better. That would be just crazy. Brian opened the door to see Nick laying in the bed, all balled up. It seemed as if he thought being like that would bring him some sort of protection from the world.

"Nick," Brian said softly, but he didn't move. Brian sighed, but continued to talk to Nick anyway, "AJ's on his way over. He's bringing Kerry with him." Nick slowly moved from his position and turned to look at Brian. He had a look of happiness and confussion written all over his face. Happiness because he really wanted to see her again and confussion because he had thought that she never wanted to see him again.

"Seriously?" Nick asked, his voice coming out weak and sore. His screaming and yelling before had caued that. Dispite several attempts by Brian, Nick just wouldn't stop screaming.

"Yeah man. They're going to be here in a few minutes," Brian answered. He hoped that this meeting would bring both of them some peace. That's what they both needed the most. Some sort of closure.

"Did she say what she wanted to talk about?" Nick asked, almost fearfully.

"No, but don't worry. I don't think that it's going to be bad. She wouldn't be coming to see you right now if it was," Brian replied hoping that what he said had indeed been what Kerry planed to do when she arrived. It almost seemed hard to believe after all this girl had gone through. All at Nicks hands at that. Brian could almost feel in his heart that since Kerry was a kind enough person that things wouldn't be as bad as he feared they might be.

Brian walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him. He figured that Nick should be alone with his thoughts for the time being. That kid had been through so much turmoil that for a moment Brian thought that they weren't going to be able to pull him through it. He thanked God for giving Nick the strength to pull through at this time. It was all so hard for him. There was no way that Brian could even imagine feeling a fraction of the pain, hurt and so many other emotions that Nick was going through. It seemed almost like torture, but it couldn't be because Nick was really a kind person, he just things get a little out of control.

Brian jumped at the sound of the doorbell echoing through the house. It was the moment that he in a way dreaded. He just didn't want this to end up being a bad experience for either of them. Brian gripped the doorknob, at first not wanting to open it, but quickly he turned the knob and pulled open the door. He was shocked at the sight of Kerry to say the least. If it was possible, she looked almost as bad as Nick did.

"Kerry, how are you?" Brian said as he stepped aside allowing AJ and Kerry to come into the house. AJ hadn't warned him about Kerry.

"About as okay as I can be," she replied as she stepped into the livingroom. Her eyes roamed around the familiar room. She and Nick had spent some really fun times in there with Brian and Leighanne.

"Kerry, I just want to tell you if you're here to say something that might hurt Nick please don't," Brian asked kindly, "I know AJ told you about his break down so I can guess that you can understand that if you say something to hurt him it might push him over the edge."

"I'm not here to be mean Brian," she informed, "so where is he?"

"Second door to the left at the top of the stairs," he directed.

"Okay, I'm going to go talk to him alone if you guys don't mind," she stated as she began her journey up the stairs.

"AJ, what the hell were you thinking?" Brian asked quietly.

"She said that she still loves him Brian. I couldn't say no," AJ answered seriously.

"Nick?" Kerry said as she opened the door. Nick was sitting on the bed staring at her in shock. She stared at him for a moment. Surprised by how much he had changed. It was almost scary to look at him.

"Kerry I can't believe you wanted to talk to me," he said with his voice still weak.

"Shhhh Nick, I can tell you've hurt your throat," she said with a small smile on his face, she was always the one that took care of him when he was sick. So why should now be any different? "I've been thinking about you."

"I have to, I really missed you," he told her. She walked over to the bed and sat down at the edge. She looked deep into Nicks eyes. The samething was there that was present when she fell in love. That assured her that she was doing the right thing.

"I've missed you to Nick," she confessed as she moved closer to him, "and I still love you. Even after what you did to me. I just can't seem to get over you."

"God I love you too," Nick said as he wrapped his arms around Kerry and pulled her tight. Never wanting to let her go again. The fact that she wanted to talk to him had taken him by surprise but what she was saying to him right now really blew him away. Soon the two of them were laying on the bed, holding each other.

"All this time I've been thinking about you. Hoping that you would be okay," she said as she started to cry. She didn't know whatelse she should do, "I was so scared for you."

"I thought that you hated me," Nick whispered.

"No matter how hard I tried to hate you, I just couldn't. I tried and I tried, but I just can't seem to make myself fall out of love with you. Do you know how many times I wished I had you there telling me that everything was going to be alright? As stupid as that sounds, it's what I wanted. Love makes you do some crazy things and this Nick, is by far, the craziest shit that I've ever done. I never once considered forgiving someone that hurt me like you did. I never even understood why people did that until now," she explained.

"You did know that I never meant to hurt you like that. I just had a lot of shit messin with me that I was just so lost. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you," Nick assured her.

"I know Nick, but in order to make this work, you're going to have to give all that up," she warned, "the drinking, the drugs. It all has to go."

"It's on its way out as we speak," he whispered to her. Nick was completely overcome by his emotions. She still loved him, even after all of that. That's when he realized that this relationship was the real thing. This was the woman that he was going to be with forever.

"Good," she replied as he held onto Nick even tighter. She never wanted to lose him again. Most people would have thought that she was absouletly insane but she didn't give a damn about any of them. She was going to be happy with Nick and that's all she needed.

Chapter 28

"They've been up there for awhile," AJ said nervously. He wasn't at all sure how their conversation was going. He half expected Kerry to come storming out of the room in a fit of anger demanding that AJ take her home right away.

"I know," Brian said as he glanced over at AJ. It was obvious that the both of them were questioning their judgement about the current situation. Things seemed to be going well. They made that assumption because they had yet to hear any sort of yelling, but that didn't nessicairly mean that things were working out.

"What do you think they're talking about?" AJ asked as shifted in the chair.

"No idea. Could be anything," Brian answered as he continued to keep his glare on AJ.

"She told me that she still loves him Bri," AJ confessed, "she said that she still wants to be with him. Do you think I did the right thing bringing her here?"

"I don't know," Brian answered, "sometimes it's easier to hold onto something rather than letting it go. Lets just hope that isn't the case."

"Of course it isn't," AJ countered hesitantly, "I mean she had enough reason to make leaving him real easy. He did a pretty good job of fucking up their whole relationship."

"He wasn't completely aware of what he was doing."

"I know that B. I've been there myself," AJ reminded, "I messed up a lot of things when I was drinking. I know that, but I've learned from it alright?"

"AJ, how did this turn into a conversation about you?" Brian asked.

"I don't know. I guess it just did."

"You had nothing to do with all of this. You weren't the one giving him the drugs and stuff. There was nothing that you could have done to prevent this. There wasn't anything that one could do. It was all up to Nick."

"Yeah, well I think we left him with too big a responsiblity."

"AJ, he just went through a rough time. Please don't make this any harder on the rest of us. I am completely stressed out right now. There is just so much happening and I don't know how to handle it all. Keeping after Nick is a lot. He's at his worst right now."

"I hear ya," AJ replied, "I could have Nick stay at my house a few nights alright just so you can get some rest. How's that?"

"Can't. Nick's been put in my custody. He has to stay here," Brian explained.

"Oh," AJ said, "I can hang around here for a few days. Just stay out of your hair and just keep an eye on Nick. How about that?"

"I don't know AJ, but I'll think about it alright. So have you talked to Howie or Kevin lately?" Brian asked changing the subject because he was sick of talking about all of this and he just wanted to get his mind off of it for a few minutes.

"Yeah, I talked to D this morning, right after I talked to you. He's worried about Nick. He just wants to be apart of this. He wants to help Nick get better."

"We all do."

"I haven't talked to Kevin in a while," AJ continued, getting the feeling that Brian didn't want to talk about anything that had to do with Nick at the moment, "not since we left the hospital. He kinda dissappeared."

"What do you think is up with him?"

"I don't know. Maybe he just wanted to lay low for a while."

"Yeah, that's probably it."

"Why don't you give him a call right now and I'll go upstairs and see how things are going with Kerry and Nick," AJ suggested. Brian nodded and AJ stood up from his chair and started to walk up the stairs. He felt really bad for Brian, he was doing so much all at once that he was hardly able to keep himself together. He probably just hasn't had much sleep. AJ opened the door to Nicks room and was completely shocked by what he saw.

Nick and Kerry were laying in the bed with their arms around each other. This was not what he had expected to see. As a matter of fact, it was the last thing that he thought that he would see. Yes, he did know that Kerry still loved him but he didn't think that she would tell Nick about that, at least not yet. He wished that she had taken some time to think all of this through and let Nick get better before she went through with this. But there they were, laying together, asleep.

AJ hesitated at the thought of waking them up. Neither of them had been sleeping well since this all started and this was probably some well needed rest. They both looked terrible when they were awake. Both of them had bags under their blood-shot eyes. It was a hard time for the both of them. AJ turned around and walked back out of the room. He'd let them sleep for a little while. Closing the door, he started to walk back down the stairs. He had no clue how Brian was going to react to that. Most likely he would think that he was lying until he saw it for himself. AJ knew that he would have done the samething if it were him.

Having actually seen it, he still wasn't sure that he believed it. He was aware of how much they cared about each other before all of this happened but he didn't think that she would be able to stay with him, even after what he did. Most women that he knew would have given him a piece of their minds before they left and he never saw them again. What the difference with Kerry was, he couldn't seem to figure out. It was most likely that she had a really big heart. As AJ walked back into the living room, Brian was just hanging up the phone.

"So how did it go up there?" Brian asked.

"You're not going to believe this," AJ warned.

"Try me J. I've seen and heard almost everything by now." AJ smiled at him, he could see that Brian was already feeling at least a little bit better.

"Well, they're asleep."

"Asleep?" Brian questioned as he looked at AJ, completely confussed.

"Yes, asleep, together," he continued, "I think they've worked something out."

"Wow," Brian replied, "I never thought that she would go back to him. She sounded so sure of herself when she told us that it was over between them."

"Yeah well, it looks like she was just putting on an act Rok," AJ responded, "'cause I thought the same damn thing. Shit, if I was her, I wouldn't have gone back, no matter how much I may have wanted to. At least not right now anyway, he's still seriously fucked up man."

"Who you telling?" Brian countered, "but if it helps him then it's worth it."

"I'm not saying that I'm against this, I'm just saying that I think it's a little weird."

"Everything's weird," he told AJ, "nothing has been the same lately and I'm sure you've noticed that."

"You didn't expect everything to stay like it was forever did you?"

"No, but I never thought that Nick or you would have gotten hurt like you guys did," Brian answered, "it was the last thing that any of us ever thought would happen."

"Hey, it's not your fault Rok," AJ informed Brian, "Nick and I had a choice and we choise the wrong thing. He's going to be alright, you've got him this far, so don't think that you've failed him or anything."

"I know that, it's just kinda hard to believe that all of this is happening to us."

"It is. So," AJ answered as he began to change the subject, "did you get a hold of Kev?"

"Yeah, he's just been spending a lot of time thinking about everything. Kinda taking it all in you know? He still can't believe everything."

"Yeah, so what do you want to do about Nick and Kerry?"

"I have no idea AJ. I just think that we stay out of it and we let them do things for themselves. That might help Nick get back into the flow of every day sort of life."

"Alright by me. So do you want to go up there and bust them?" AJ asked with an evil like grin on his face. Brian laughed as he looked at AJ and shook his head.

"What the hell, why not?" he answered as he and AJ took off towards the stairs. Quickly running up the flight of stairs and towards Nicks room. It was only seconds before they reached Nicks room. AJ glanced over at Brian as he reached for the door knob. Slowly he opened the door and Brian looked in at the two of them. They looked almost as if nothing had ever happened.

"Hey kiddies," AJ shouted, causing Nick and Kerry to jump up and look towards Brian and AJ. AJ had one of the widest grins on his face as he stood there looking in at them.

"So I take it that things went well," Brian asked jokingly.

"Yeah, actually they did," Kerry answered.

"Good, I'm glad," Brian told her, "so Nick you feeling any better over there buddy?"

"A lot actually. That was the best nap that I've had in a while," he told Brian.

"So do you want anything?"

"No, I'm alright," Nick answered, "but don't worry, I'll tell you when I want something."

"Sure man, you do that."

"Have you heard from the P.I. yet?"

"No. He has a lot that he needs to look into and he said that he would call me as soon as he found something that could help us," Brian explained.

"What P.I.?" Kerry asked.

"The one that I hired to find out who put those pills in Nicks bag because I knew they weren't in there because I was the one who packed his bag and I checked to see if there was anything in there. There wasn't," Brian told her.

"So he's going around to try and figure out who actually put that stuff in there?"

"Yeah, and hopefully he finds something, quick."

"When do you need this stuff by?"

"Before Nick goes to trial. Which I don't know when that is. So it can't be soon because they would most likely give us time to prepare. I think he has some time to check things out carefully."

"What if he doesn't get the guy?" she asked nervously.

"Well, let's not think about that right now. Let's just pray that he does and Nick doesn't have to go to jail," Brian told her seriously.

Chapter 29

Nicks eyes fluttered open and he turned his attention to Kerry, who was still fast asleep. A small smile appeared on Nicks face as he looked at her. He was just so happy to have her back. He'd been at a point where he thought that he would never see her again, let alone be with her. It was the only good thing that happened to him in a long time and he welcomed it. Her being there was going to help him make it through everything and he knew it. He finally had something to shoot for and Kerry was it.

Slowly he slipped out of the bed, careful not to wake Kerry. The smile stayed on his face as he walked out of the bedroom. He walked down stairs, he hadn't gone down there since he's been there. As he walked into the kitchen, he saw Leighanne sitting at the table, staring out of the window.

"Morning," Nick said causing her to jump. She hadn't expected him to come down. She looked at him, a little shocked and a little understanding because she knew what happened with Kerry.

"Hey Nick," she answered, "how are you feeling?"

"Better," he told her, "I finally got some sleep last night. I really needed it."

"Good, I'm glad. So would you like me to fix you something?" she asked kindly.

"No, I'll help myself. I don't want to bother you," he answered.

"It won't bother me at all," she assured him.

"I've been a horrible guest," Nick said, "let me make up for it."

"Are you sure? Because I really wouldn't mind," she replied.

"Yeah I am. So what are you doing up?" he asked her.

"You know, I was thinking the samething about you," she answered. Nick smiled and sat down at the table next to her.
"It's because of Kerry," he explained.

"I know," she answered with a soft smile on her face, "even if Brian hadn't told me, I would have known. I could tell by the look in your eyes. There's happiness and love there again."

"Why do you think she forgave me?" Nick asked, "you're a woman. So you might have some sort of idea what she was thinking." She laughed at his comment and continued to look at him.

"She loves you Nick. It's that kind of love that can survive anything, even what happened. There's no question that she has a place in her heart for you otherwise, she wouldn't even spoken to you. You're a very lucky man," she told him.

"Yeah tell me about it. Part of the reason why things got so bad and I didn't really feel seriously about getting better, was because I didn't see a reason for it. Kerry was gone and I just felt like I didn't have anything worth saving myself for."

"You had a lot to live for Nick. Look at everything that you have. You've got some great friends that will always be there for you. You have a career that you love and you've got your family. You really have a lot, it's all in how you think about it."

"She was just so important to me. I would have given up everything at the drop of a dime if I had to for her," Nick informed Leighanne, "it was like when she left, my heart died. Everything I had to live for walked out with her and I just didn't see a point any more."

"Well, I'm glad that you're doing better," she told him, "I would have hated to see something happen to you. You're such a good person Nick and a good friend. Things wouldn't be the same without you."

"Thanks," he replied, "I am a one of a kind aren't I?" she laughed and smiled at Nick. Brian was going to be thrilled when he saw how much better Nick was doing. That was what he wanted the most, for Nick to be happy again. Just now they had to get past all of the legal issues and everything could go back to normal, or at least a new normal.

"You sure are Nick."

"So how've you been?" Nick asked.

"A little tired but nothing I can't handle," she replied.

"So where's Brian?"

"He went to go see that Private I that he hired to help you. He called this morning and Brian left here in a rush after he hung up," Leighanne explained.

"Do you think he found something?"

"Probably, but let's wait until Brian gets back before we get ourselves up on false hopes," she suggested. Nick nodded.

"But was it a good rush?" Nick asked refuring to Brian that morning, "I mean did he look like something good just happened or was he really upset?"

"Nick, to tell you the truth, I'm not really sure. I was so tired when I woke up. He just said that the P.I. called and that he was going to go and talk to him."

"Oh okay," he replied, he really wanted to know what was going to happen. He just wanted to know if he had to go back to jail or not.

"Don't worry Nick," she said, sensing his fear, "everything will work out for the best. I know it."

"How?" Nick asked. Leighanne smiled at him and responded.

"Call it a womans intuition."

"What?" he asked questioningly.

"You know a womans intuition is never wrong, so don't worry. I know that everything is going to be just fine. Don't get all worked up over it. Brian is going to do everything that he can to make sure that everything works out for you Nick. He's not going to let anything bad happen to you, you're like his little brother, alright?"

"I just help worring."

"It's okay, it's a strange situation to be in," she replied hoping to make him feel better, "this isn't something that a person can be prepared for. No matter what you do. You never know how a situation is going to turn out and sometimes your better judgement is impacted because the person suffering is someone close to you." Nick sighed as he leand against the chair to think for a moment. Leighanne was right, everything was going to be alright.

"Morning guys," Kerry said from the doorway. Leighanne had a wide grin on her face as Kerry walked into the kitchen. She knew it was because of Kerry that Nick was doing so much better. That and she was just happy to see her again. They were such great friends.

"Hey," Leighanne replied with the grin still on her face.

"What?" Kerry asked as she looked at Leighanne, who continued to grin.

"Nothing. Just smiling."

"Why?"

"Because I'm happy that's why, silly," she responded as she stood up from the chair, "I'm going to take a little nap. I'll talk to you guys later." Kerry watched as she walked out of the kitchen and up the stairs to her room.

"What's gotten into her?" Kerry asked Nick.

"Nothing, at least I don't think. She's probably just happy to see us back together again."

"I don't know. I think that she thinks that there was more that went on last night then what really did," she explained to Nick.

"Nah, I doubt that."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Leighanne just isn't that type of person. If it were AJ, I'd be behind you 100% because I know what kind of mind that he has," Nick informed her. She smiled at Nick. 'God, he's doing so much better,' she thought to herself.

"How long you been up?" Kerry asked as she poured herself a glass of orange juice.

"Not long. Just a few minutes, I've been down here talking to Leighanne since I woke up," he told her.

"Cool," she answered as she took a seat next to Nick, "so where do we go from here?"

"I really don't know. We're just going to have to wait and see. The future holds many possibilities but I think we're going to be just fine."

"Oh yeah? What makes you think that Carter?"

"Because we've already been through the worst and proven that we can deal with it. So that means everything else is going to be a snap."

"You really think so?"

"Of course I do."

"Nick, I need to talk to you," Brian said as he stormed into the kitchen breathing heavily with sweat running down his face. Nick looked at him with his eyes wide. He didn't know what was going on but from the way that he was acting, he knew that it couldn't be good.

Chapter 30

"Brian what happened?" Nick asked as he jumped out of the chair. Fear was plainly written all across his face.

"Come here, I want to talk to you alone," Brian replied as he walked out of the kitchen. Nick glanced over at Kerry who had the same fearful expression on her face, but she nodded to him anyway to let him know that he should go and talk to Brian. Quickly he walked into the living room to see Brian sitting on the couch.

"Are you going to tell me something really bad?" Nick asked as he took a seat next to his best friend. Brian looked up at Nick, with worry in his eyes.

"Maria was involved with everything," Brian spat out, "it's some sort of conspiracy. They want to make it look like I helped you smuggle in that stuff. And that guy you were rooming with, he was involved. They found out that they were willing to reduce his sentence if he helped them."

"So I was right about everything," Nick answered in complete shock. He didn't know how to react to what Brian had just told him. It was like everything had come crashing down on him though he knew that these people were some how involved in everything, "I knew Maria had to be involved and Mark too. That was the only explanation. They were the only ones that could have been alone with my bag."

"The P.I. Johnson, that's his name, was able to get a taped confession from that guy but he has to get solid proof that Maria was involved. He's working on that right now. He called me because he had to tell me what he found," Brian explained.

"She's never going to confess to any of this," he informed Brian.

"I know, and that's why Jonhson is looking for something else to prove it. Maybe someone saw something you know."

"Like they'd talk."

"For a reduced sentence they would."

"Why so they can end up right back there?" Nick answered, "shit that whole damn place was probably involved. They had this all planned out from when I first walked into the god damn door."

"Nick, that doesn't matter any more because it happened and there isn't anything that we can do about it," Brian replied trying to help Nick to remain calm, "look we're going to make sure that everything is going to work out. You're not going to go to jail again."

"What are we going to do now?"

"We just wait for Johnson to get something that will tie Maria to all of this," Brian explained, "he's working on that right now. He'll probably have something soon and this will all be over with."

"I sure as hell hope so," Nick said as he walked out of the living room and back into the kitchen were Kerry was still waiting for them. She looked up at him, her eyes glossed over with concern.

"Nick is everything alright?" She asked as she took Nicks hand into hers, hoping that woukd provide him with some comfort.

"Maria, my doctor, was involved in everything," he said softly with his eyes fixed on the scene outside the window.

"Well, now we know who did it. Things will get better," she replied.

"Kerry, why would she want to do something like this to me?"

"I don't know honey," she answered as she looked down at the table, "she probably thought that she could get something out of it."

"Why does everyone try to take advantage of me?" Nick asked as he turned his attention to Kerry, tears pouring down his face rapidly.

"Because they're stupid," she said as she squeezed his hand tightly in hers, "they don't know how great you are because they're blinded by their stupidity.They don't want your heart, but baby I do, cause you've got mine."

"What am I supposed to do?" he asked as Kerry stood up to talk to him.

"Just ignore them. You have me and the guys, we'll always be there for you because we care about you alright Nicky?" she assured him as she wrapped her arms around him to pull him into her embrace. Nicks arms went around her and he held onto her tightly. He was still crying as they stood there holding each other. Kerry wasn't sure what she should do, there was going to be a lot for Nick to deal with in the coming days. It had the possibilty of overwhelming his senses and taking complete control.

Kerry pulled him even tighter as she felt his hands begin to tremble. She wasn't sure if it was from being so upset or from withdrawls. Never the less, Nick needed her right now and she was going to be there to help him get better. No matter what it took, she was willing to do this. Nick was going to pull through this one way or another. Her hand gentally started to move up and down on Nicks back to help bring him comfort. She soon felt Nick rest his head upon hers and she sighed.

Kerry's senses went into over ride because of how close Nick was to her again. His sent filled her nose as she took in a deep breath. The familiar smell was soothing and relaxing to her. The feeling of his skin on hers reminded her of all the times that she and Nick had spent together. Her eyes shut as she kept her grip on Nick. She wanted him to feel as safe as she did. She wanted him to believe that everything was going to be alright.

"I love you," he whispered. She smiled to herself, knowing that her display of emotions was helping Nick.

"I love you too Nick," she replied.

"Baby, I'm scared," he confessed, "I don't know if I'm going to be able to deal with all of this."

"Don't worry, you will. We're here to make sure that you do."

"Hey kids," Kevin said from the door way of the kitchen. They both jumped from shock and looked over at Kevin.

"Hi, I haven't seen you in a while," Kerry replied, slightly embarrassed by what had just occured.

"Yeah, and I can see that you're doing a lot better," he answered as he gave her a quick hug and then looked up at Nick. Nick looked back at him, not saying anything. He wasn't sure what he should say. "You look a lot better yourself," Kevin finally said.
"I feel a hell of a lot better," Nick explained as he looked at Kevin who was staring right back at him.

"I know about what happened," Kevin said, "and I want you to know that we're going to make sure that nothing happens to you, alright Nick?"

"Thanks," Nick replied as his eyes shifted towards the floor. Nick self-esteem had dropped over the past few months due to the drugs and the alcohol. Kerry took his hand again when she saw his eyes go down. She could feel that he wasn't exactly back to normal yet. "I wanted to come by and see how you were doing. The last time I talked to Brian about you, he said that you were doing really bad. I'm glad that there's been an improvement," he commented, "we're really proud of you man. You're being strong."

"I don't know about that."

"You're standing there aren't you?" Kevin asked, "That just shows how much strength that you do have. Don't underestimate yourself."

"I wouldn't be standing here if it wasn't for Kerry," Nick answered and Kerry looked up at him, "if she hadn't come to talk to me, I would still be in bed. There would be no way that I would be able to get through all of this shit."

"Well, you have her don't you? And now we just need to figure some more things out and everything is going to be alright."

"What do we need to figure out?" Kerry asked.

"Just what we're going to do about this P.I. guy. Hopefully what he got us will help keep Nick out of jail and from there everything is just going to be emotional stuff."

"I'm not going back to another one of those places," Nick replied sternly, "you see what they did to me Kevin? There is no way in hell that I'm going to go back."

"It's alright, we're not going to send you back...," Kevin said softly, "but you have to promise to stay clean. You can't get involved in that shit again."

"I promise. No more of it," Nick answered as he looked down at Kerry because he had made her the same promise, "never again."

"Good," Kevin replied as he nodded his head and looked at the two of them together. They both seemed to make each other feel better about everything. Even after everything that they had been through. It's like they say, what doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger and all of this gave them a very strong relationship.

Chapter 31

"We need to call in some lawyers," Kevin said to his cousin as they, as well as AJ and Howie were sitting in the living room talking about what they should do from this point. Nick and Kerry didn't want to be apart of this conversation, at least not right now.

"I know that Kev," Brian replied, "I just want to see whatelse we get before we go and call in the lawyers."

"We have what we need to know. That bitch did this to Nick," AJ snapped, "I say we call them in get this fucking bitch in jail and shut down the clinic."

"Then where would the other people go?" Howie asked.

"To different clinics," AJ answered, "some place where they don't have to worry about being stabbed in the back by the person that's supposed to be helping them get better."

"AJ relax," Kevin warned, "getting angry isn't going to solve any of this."

"And neither is sitting around here doing nothing. Nick needs us to do something. You guys know what this woman did to him! Why the fuck are you just sitting here like it was nothing!" he yelled.

"Look, we're angry too," Brian informed him, "but we don't want to do the wrong thing."

"Wrong thing? Putting this woman in jail is the wrong thing?"

"No, but we just have to make sure that we have proof before she knows that we've figured it out so that she can't cover her tracks or anything like that. You know, pay people off to keep their mouths shut."

"That one guy talked," Howie commented.

"Yeah but who's going to believe a drug addict?" AJ questioned.

"And that's why we're waiting to do something," Kevin interupted as AJ had made the point that Kevin wanted to get across. "We don't want this guy to be the only witness that we have. He could be making this all up for as far as we know and we just have to make sure that we have the details to back all of this up."

"Yeah well I don't think that this woman is going to wait to cover everything up," AJ responded, "there probably isn't much of anything left."

"Come on, we have to have some hope," Brian reminded them.

"Is this guy even ligit?" AJ asked.

"Yeah, I checked into him before I called him," Brian answered, "I wasn't about to call some guy that would put us on a wild goose chase."

"When did he say that he would get back to you?" Kevin asked.

"As soon as he found something," Brian replied with a shrug.

"At least we have something," Howie replied, "it's better than what we had before."

"Just proving it is going to be another thing," Brian informed him, "I can tell them that there wasn't anything in the bag when I brought it to Nick but that doesn't mean that they're going to believe me."

"But you were part of the reason why he actually went to the clinic."

"Yeah, we all know that but they would probably hire some lawyer that could turn my words around or something."

"I just want to get this shit over with already," AJ said suddenly, "I just want things to go away so that we can help Nick out and move on with our lives."

"Just as soon as we clear this up, we can do that," Kevin replied, "we just have to make sure that we sort everything out carefully."

"This is starting to take a toll on all of us," Howie mentioned, "we're all goin' crazy over this. Let's just relax because we have a good team behind us and they aren't going to let anything happen to Nick and with the stuff the P.I. found, his chances are really good."

"I just don't want this to drag out," AJ said with a sigh, "I don't think we're going to be able to handle it."

"That's a reason why we should relax at least for now. Let this P.I. do his job and then we go from there. We get in touch with a lawyer and make sure that we clear Nicks name from all of this," Howie explained.

Nick smiled when he walked out of the bathroom and into the bed room to see Kerry standing at the window. Things were so much better already. Kerry really did amazing things to him. It was hard for the others to understant the affect that she had on him, but he knew that nothing but good could come from it. Slowly, Nick walked up behind Kerry and wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her tightly to him.

"Hey Nicky," she said as she put her arms over his and smiled.

"Hi," he responded as he placed a soft kiss on her cheek. Kerry leand her head against Nicks chest and continued to look through the window. Everything seemed like it was perfect again but they both knew that they still had a long way to go before they even came remotely close to perfect.

"How long do we have to stay here? I want to go home," Kerry said.

"For as long as the case is being investigated. As soon as it's over we can go home," Nick explained to her. She nodded and sighed. "You don't have to stay you know."

"Yeah I know, but I want to, besides, what kind of girlfriend would I be if I left the time that you needed me the most?" Nick turned his attention to the window as well and Kerry felt him tense up behind her. "I'm sorry, I know you needed me before. I just had to do what was right for me and that was to spend a little time alone healing."

"It's alright," Nick told her softly, "all that matters is that you're back now." She smiled and pulled away from his embrace. Walking towards the bed, Nick kept his eyes on her, she sat down.

"It was funny, when I walked out the door that morning, I told myself that I would never let myself go back to you. There had been so many times when you were on drugs that I'm never going to forget. You hurt me so many times in so many different ways. To anyone else, it would have been easy to walk away and forget about everything good that we had, but for me, it was just too hard. I kept trying to tell myself that I was just going to get into more trouble if I started to see you again. It worked for a while. I'd convinced myself that I didn't need you and that you weren't important to me. My life started to go back into motion and then I heard that you were in the hospital. I couldn't believe it. AJ told me that you were in a coma and I was just so scared. I didn't want to lose you. I was hoping the whole time that you would get better so that I could be with you again and then that happened and I thought that you were just going to die on me. I never went to the hospital because I was afraid. Afraid of the chance that you might have died when I was there. As angry as I was, I didn't want to lose you," she confessed to Nick.

"You were the reason I pulled through," he replied, almost shocked by what Kerry had just confessed to him. He had never expected that she would tell him these things, at least so quickly after it happened. "I kept thinking of you."

"So what's going to happen now?" she asked hoping to take Nicks thoughts off of what she had just said. She didn't want him to feel bad for her. There was no reason to, at least thats what she thought.

"I have no idea," Nick answered as he let out a long sigh and sat down on the bed next to Kerry. He looked over at her and a small smile swept onto his face. He was so happy want she wanted to be with him even after all of the stupid things that he'd done.

Chapter 32

Nick flew up from the pillow. His body was covered with sweat and his breathing was labored. He looked to his side to see if he had awakend Kerry, he didn't, she was still peacefully sleeping. He took in a couple of deep breaths and began to relax. Slowly, he crept out of the bed and walked over to the window to open it just a crack and let some fresh air into the room which had suddenly become very stuffy. His slumber had been dreamless but he still couldn't help but feel nervous.

The fear of knowing what the P.I. had found was plaguing him. It seemed as if all of his worst fears were slowly starting to come true. He could possibly be heading back to jail. Nick was willing to do about anything to stay out of jail. Everything about being there scared him. He wasn't tough enough to handle being in jail with murderers. There was no way that he would be able to survive a week there.

Nick wanted nothing more to be found innocent of all the charges against him because he knew that he had done nothing. The problem was, all the evidence made it look as if he had. What scared him even more was if the police wanted to talk to Kerry and it slipped that he had raped her. He'd go to jail for that alone and then the drug charges would be on top of that. There would be no way that he would get any leniency.

Nick bit his lip when he heard the phone ring. He knew that it had to come with bad news. He was going to have to go to court and there was nothing that he could do to prove that he was innocent. Nervously, Nick waited. He waited to see if there really was bad news. Moments later, the bedroom door opened and Nick looked at Brian. Their eyes meeting.

"Just tell me what happened Brian," Nick said seriously.

"We're due in court in a week," he replied.

"What do you think is going to happen?"

"I have no idea," Brian confessed, "but we have some good people on ourside so I think that we have a great chance of keeping you out of jail."

"I'm scared Brian."

"I know you are, and I'm scared too buddy," Brian replied.

"Your not going to let anything happen to me right?" he asked meekly.

"No, it'll be alright, I promise little bro," he assured. Nick nodded his head and glanced over at Kerry who was still fast asleep.

"If I do go to jail...."

"Don't think like that buddy," Brian warned, "it's not going to come to that. I'll make sure of that myself if I have to."

"I want you to look after Kerry for me alright?" Nick continued. Brian looked at Nick who was filled with fear and concern.

"Yeah," Brian finally answered reluctantly, "I'll keep an eye on her for you."

"Thanks Brian." Brian smiled weakly and then walked out of the bedroom. It was becoming harder to convince Nick to hold onto his hope. Each blow was knocking Nick down even further. How much lower could Nick go? Brian wasn't sure. All he knew was that all of this had to come to an end soon otherwise they were going to lose Nick. He didn't have enough strength in him to deal with anything else that could possibly happen to him.

"Kerry," Nick whispered as he crept back into the bed. No responce. He sighed and moved closer to her and raised his voice a little, "Kerry," he repeated.

"Hum?" came a weak mumble.

"I have to go to court next week and I want you to know that I love you," he said as he sat up and looked at Nick, "that's not going to change."

"Court?" she asked, shocked by what Nick had said to her.

"Yeah."

"So fast?"

"Yeah, I guess they want to get it over with so that we don't have time to find any information against them," Nick spoke. Kerry grabbed Nicks hand and held it tightly in hers. She didn't know what else to do. Words didn't seem to have their place any more. She felt that no matter what she said, it wouldn't change anything.

A week can go by slowly when you know that the rest of your life is going to be based on a decision made by complete strangers. Nick stared at himself in the mirror. Brian had tried his best to make him look like he did before, it was impossible. Fear and devistation consumed him. It showed clearly on Nicks face. There was no hiding it. Silently, they began their journy to the courthouse. Each of them hoping that something was going to be done to protect Nick. Brian knew that the P.I. hadn't gathered enough solid evidence that anyone was involved in this. He also knew that if the jury believed that he had put the pills in Nicks' bag, then he could also be facing possible jail time.

There was too much at stake for them to lose. The only thing that they could do now was hope and pray that the P.I. had found something more and it would help clear Nicks name and Brians' too. Anxiousness filled the air around them. Brian, Kerry and Nick knew that they were about to walk into fate as the arrived at the courthouse. The time had come and there was nothing that anyone could have done about it.

Nick fearfully fought back tears. He wanted to badly to just run away from everything was happening. Run away from the court house so that he wouldn't have to go to jail and just forget about everything that happened to him. Nick knew that running wouldn't solve his problems, but it would have made his life so much easier. As they walked into the courtroom, Nicks eyes scanned the room. AJ, Howie and Kevin had all shown up to show their support for Nick. They knew that he was not guilty of any crime.

Quietly, they all took their seats. Nick went up to sit with his lawyer and looked back at the friends that had come to show them that they cared. He smiled weakly, knowing that if they hadn't been there for him, this all would have ended a long time ago. They were the ones that helped him to get this far and they weren't going to let him go to jail. Kevin always had an answer. He was always able to save Nick. A plan was probably already in motion and all Nick had to do was wait. That's what it was. That had to be what was happening.

Nicks hands shook nervously as he waited for the trial to begin. He knew he was innocent but how could he prove it? That was the thing that scared him the most; knowing that he was telling the truth but also knowing that no one believed him. His fate was about to be decided.

Chapter 33

Nevously Nick tapped his foot onto the floor. He didn't know what else to do to let out his stress. He had been sitting there for the past two hours listening to a million different stories. They all seemed to put the blame on Nick. Each and every witness had said that there was no other explaination because of the short period of time that he actually been admitted. He listened to story to story, fighting with himself not to jump up and start screaming like a mad man.

On occassion, Nick would glance back at his friends who were sitting there quietly. Nick couldn't help but wonder when Brian was going to have his chance to speak. That's when the jury would see that he had nothing to do with all of this and that he was innocent. After all, he was innocent, how could they prove it otherwise? Optimism was the best chance he had to keep him from having a complete nervous break down.

Nick took another glance behind him to see an agrivated expression on Kevin's face. He was obviously upset by what these people were saying. He could probably see how crazy this was himself. It was when the P.I. was called to the stand that Nick started to become overly nervous. This was his only chance, he knew it. If this guy couldn't prove his innocents, everything would be over.

Kerry nervously squrimed in her seat. She didn't know what else she should do to ease her nerves. All this was happening because she made a stupid mistake. She knew that she should say something but she was too scared. There was so many great things that she could lose if she did the wrong thing. At this point, she wasn't even sure what the wrong thing was any more. Everything seemed so crazy.

The court broke for recess. It was the longest half hour they had ever experienced. They had all remained in the court room because they didn't know where else to go or what to do. Nick was becoming visibly shaken by all the events that were beginning to unfold. Brian knew that he was the next witness to the stand. He didn't know how well his story was going to hold up. The clinic had hired such a great lawyer that Brian was almost positive that the jury had already thought that Nick was guilty. If he hadn't known better, he might have too.

Recess ended. Brian began to muster up his courage as he waited for his name to be called. The P.I. hadn't been much help and he wasn't about to let his friend go down without a fight.

"We would like to call Brian Littrell to the stand," the lawyer said. AJ gave Brian a reassuring pat on the shoulder as he headed for the stand. Nick kept his eyes locked on Brian. He was his last chance at freedom. Nick watched, and waited, as Brian was sworn in.

"Can you tell the jury what is the nature of your relationship with the defendant?"

"He's one of my best friends. We're in a musical group together. I've known the guy for years," Brian responded.

"Why don't you tell us a little about his drug use?" Brian cringed a little by the lawyers words but Nick looked on, telling him that it was okay.

"I would say that it started several months ago," he began, "he was really able to cover it up for awhile. It wasn't until a couple months ago that we found out what had been happening. We found him in his house. He had passed out from whatever it was that he took."

"So you can't tell me exactly when the drug abuse started?"

"No sir."

"You stated 'we', who were the other parties?"

"The other members of the group," Brian answered effortlessly, though he was afraid where the questioning about the group was going.

"Is it true that there has been a history of substance abuse among the five of you?" Brian bit his lip and shut his eyes. He knew this was where the questions were leading too. Brian looked out to see AJ, sitting there. Glaring that lawyer as if he wanted to rip is head off for bringing that up.

"Yes, one of us had a problem with alcohol but I'm proud to say that he's been fully recovered for a year and a half now," Brian explained.

"What happened with him?"

"He was a little depressed but he's better. He see's the wrong in what he did. He as well as Nick, went to rehab willingly."

"So Nick went willingly?"

"Yes sir," Brian said after a moment of hesitation, "originally, he didn't want to go, but we showed him exactly what was happening and he went willingly and right away."

"Do you think that Nick smuggled in those pills?"

"No, I know for a fact that he didn't. I packed that bag myself. There was nothing in there because I checked it. Nothing was in there."

"How can we be sure that you didn't put it in there Mr. Littrell?"

"Because I wanted Nick to get better. That's why he was in rehab."

"Is that so? Or could it have been because your management had cought wind of what was going on and decided that it was time to put an end to it and you were just helping a friend out by putting that stuff in there?"

"Management had nothing to do with the decision. We, meaning the other members of the band and I, decided that putting Nick in rehab was the best thing to do." The interrogation went on like this for the next few minutes. Brian was never given the chance to defend himself. It was over, they all knew it.

"Does the defence have an witness they would like to call to the stand?" the judge asked.

"No your honor," Nicks lawyer replied.

"In that case then..."

"Wait!" Kerry interupted.

"Kerry what are you doing?" AJ asked as he grabbed onto her arm and attepmted to pull her back down to her seat.

"What I should have done a long time ago," she responded and then loudly stated, "Nick and Brian had nothing to do with the pills in his bag. I put them in there." The room was filled with shocked gasps. Nicks eyes were wide as he stared at Kerry. How could she do that to him? The other guys looked at her, in complete shock.

"Ma'am, are you willingly admitting responsiblity?" the judge asked.

"Yes your honor. Nick and Brian shouldn't be punished. I was angry at Nick, I thought that......," she said as she paused to look into Nicks eyes, "that if I put those pills in his bag that I could get revenge."

"Revenge for what?" Kerry looked at the judge, tears pouring down her face.

"He hurt me..." she mumbled.

"How did he hurt you?" She hesitated for a moment.

"He broke my heart," she stated. Nick looked at her, and nodded. He wanted her to tell the truth. She was telling everyone the truth, why stop now?

"You did all this because he broke up with you?" the judge questioned.

"No your honor. I did it because....," she paused again and Nicks eyes still showed reassurance and he nodded at her again, telling her to go on, "he raped me.." she admitted as her emotions began to run out of control.

"He raped you?"

"Yes," she forced out. AJ put his arm around her and held her tight. The other guys looked on, not knowing what to say or even what to think about what was happening. The judge turned his attention back to Nick. A single tear had escaped his eye as he dropped his head down in shame.

"Well we have quiet a turn of events here," the judge stated as he looked down at the people before him. Shock was written upon most faces. "This case is dismissed but ma'am, I would like to talk to you."

"I'm not going to press charges," she stated. The judge looked at her and nodded.

"Then you can go. Case dismissed."

Chapter 34

Nick walked quietly out of the court house. He stopped when he had reached the exit of the building. Taking a deep breath he stepped out. As he walked towards the car, he brushed away his tears. He couldn't believe what had just happened.

"Nick!" Kerry called as she came running out of the courthouse. Nick looked back, but then continued walking. "Please Nick stop."

"I can't believe you," Nick replied, disappointment in his voice.

"I never thought that it would get this far," she told him, "I didn't want this to happen."

"What did you think was going to happen? Come on Kerry I was in a drug rehab. How did you think they were going to take it when they found that shit on me!" Nick yelled.

"I don't know..."

"You didn't know...," Nick repeated as he shook his head, "and you lied to me this whole time. You could have just said something and we wouldn't have had to hire a P.I. and I never would have gone to jail!"

"I was scared Nick. I didn't say anything because I knew that I would lose you again. I didn't want that," she explained.

"Life is full of surprises huh?" Nick commented, "I was mopping around thinking that you were never going to want to be with me again because of the ass hole that I was. Then you turn around, acting like you wanted me to get better just so that you could plant that stuff on me and get me in trouble again," Nick yelled.

"If I could change what I did, then I would."

"Well you can't," Nick replied as he turned around again and started his walk to the car once again.

"And neither can you," she countered, "no matter what you say, you still raped me. I didn't have to forgive you for that, but I did, so why can't you forgive me?" Nick paused but didn't look back. She was right. She had found it in her heart to forgive Nick, so why couldn't he? He turned back around and looked deep into Kerrys eyes.

"Hey, I'm Nick," Nick replied as he extended his arm. Kerry smiled.

"Kerry," she answered as she shook his hand. A smile slowly coming across his face.

"Nice to meet you. How 'bout we go out some time?" he asked.

"I'd love too," she accepted as she stared into his eyes.

"Good, then I'll see you tonight."

"See you then."

"Can't wait." Kerry nodded in agreement as she watched Nick walk away.

~*~

Nick sighed as he sat nervously in his car as he drove towards Kerrys house. Part of him was afraid of what the reaction would be from her family. He didn't want them to hate him. He wanted them to see that he had made a mistake but he was working hard to help fix it. There was nothing more he wanted then to make sure that he never hurt anyone like he had Kerry again and he just hoped that they would be able to look past what had happened and what Nick was determined to make his life be.

Thinking about this made him remember the first time that he had met her family. They hated the idea of them being together. Nick got the feeling that her family didn't approve of him because they believed that he was just going to use Kerry and them dump her. They couldn't have been more wrong, Nick thought. He had never been the type of person that would knowingly hurt someone that he cared about. He wasn't the type of person that went around dismissing everyones feelings as if they ment nothing.

Nervously, Nick pulled his car into Kerrys drive way. Taking a deep breath, he exited the car. Casually, he headed for the front door. Maybe things would be different this time. They would be able to see what he was really all about and things would be okay. Maybe they were willing to start all over again as well. He could only hope. Nick rang the bell.

"Hey Nick," Kerry greeted as she opened the door.

"Hey," Nick responded with a smile. He was so happy to see her again. It had only been a few hours but it felt like so much more to him.

"Let's go," she said as she stepped out of the house and shut the door behind her. Nick looked at her, puzzled.

"We're just going to go like that?"

"Yeah, what, did you want to meet my parents?" she questioned in return.

"I don't know, I just.. I'm not sure how this is supposed to go. I know the most important thing about you already and it's that I love you," Nick replied.

"It's a time to start over silly," Kerry replied, "and I don't introduce my boyfriends to my family on the first date. That's how my family tries to scare them away." Nick laughed as they walked towards his car.

"So I guess it would be better if we waited," Nick suggested.

"I would say so."

"Thanks," Nick said suddenly.

"For what?"

"For giving me a chance to start over," he replied as he shut her car door and walked around the the drivers seat. She looked and spoke after he shut his door.

"I didn't do it just for you. I did it for me too because I can't think of my life without you. You're just lucky that I love you so damn much. Some people would think I was crazy, but..."

"Hey," Nick interupted with mock offence.

"It's a good kind of crazy though," she explained. Nick smiled at her as they pulled out of her driveway.

"Well, you're in for a lot of craziness," Nick replied.

"Bring it on."

The End

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