Downtime - Chapter 1

”Phew, finally,” Brian said as he tossed a pair of socks into his Samsonite. “I can´t wait to go back.” Happiness shone in his voice and his cousin agreed.


“Yeah there's nothing better than spending time with your family on Thanksgiving.” The Kentuckian smiled.


“Wonder if Aunt Martha will be at the dinner this year, with her Peacan pie?” Brian said with a dreaming expression.


“Yeah and Uncle Fritz will tell his stories about how he went to the sea.”


“Like he ever did that, Aunt Martha once told me that the furthest he ever crossed a water was over the Mississippi River.” The both of them laughed. “At least he is fun to listen to.”


A cough interrupted their conversation and they both turned to look over at the young blonde that was sitting in the hotel room, engrossed in playing Nintendo. Kevin mouthed the word “Nick?” to Brian and he shook his head. No more words had to be said.


Brian felt bad when thinking about how he would enjoy Thanksgiving when Nick would go back to a practically empty house. The fifteen year old needed someone to look after him, but his parents were currently touring with his younger brother and this left him alone with his uncle. Brian knew that even if Nick didn´t show it he was still upset over the fact that he wasn´t celebrating together with his parents.


As if the teenager felt that they were talking about him he turned on his head, “What?”


“Oh nothing,” Brian turned back to his packing, not wanting to take up the conversation. He felt bad for his friend, yet there was nothing he could do.


Nick mumbled a short “Whatever,” before sinking back to the world of Mario again.


Kevin and Brian looked at each other one more time before the older man left the room. Once they were alone Nick asked Brian, “Who is Uncle Fritz and Aunt Martha?”


“Just a pair of two original characters that we have in the family,” Brian laughed, “they are really goofy and we usually spend Thanksgiving together with them, as well as Kevin's family and alot of different people.”


“Oh!” At the word Thanksgiving and different people Nick's eyes darkened momentarily and he said in a low voice, “We used to have lots of people at Thanksgiving too. Like my uncles and aunts and grandma and..that was when mom and dad had the restaurant. I remember it and it was such a blast.” He went silent again, like he was thinking about the “Good ol´days.”


As Brian watched his friend's face an idea suddenly struck him. He would ask his parents if he could invite Nick over for the holidays. He was sure that they had nothing against it since they had come to like the teen like one of their own. Nick would be so happy. And a week wasn´t too long of a time either and he´d been more than happy to spend it with Nick. Even if it was going to be 24/7. With that in mind Brian rose from the floor.


“Where are you going?” Nick asked when he saw his friend leave.


“Just asking Kev a thing. I´ll be right back.”


“Okay,” Nick turned his attention back to the tv game as Brian snuck out of the room.



**********************

“Yes mom, I´m fine..no..yes..well...moooom,” Brian was dragging out of the syllabels like he always did when he was going to ask for something. Even tough he was 21 he still had a habit of doing this and he mentally slapped himself for being such a coward. It wasn´t that he was afraid of his family, no on the contrary, but it came with his upbringing to ask for permission before doing anything. It was good manners.


“I was wondering if it would be ok if Nick came with me home for Thanksgiving. He doesn´t have his parents at home and I was thinking...really...that is so great. I'll tell him that and he'll be so happy.” Brian's face shone as he listened to what his mom had to say. It was no problem, in fact the Littrell's would be more than happy to room their son's best friend for the upcoming week.


Happy over the decision, Brian returned back to his friend who was still sitting in the same position as he had left him.


“Nick?” he said, his voice startled the blonde who jumped 20 feet.


“Jeeze Frick, you scared the shit out of me,” he said as he regained control over the game again.


“I hope not,” Brian grinned, “Well I have some great news. Mom and Dad want you to come with us and spend Thanksgiving during our downtime.” He waited for the positive reaction that would follow and frowned when no such thing appeared.


Instead Nick said with slow voice, “Did you call them to ask?”


“Yeah,” Brian felt confused, “but that doesn´t matter. They were really happy when they heard that you were coming too.”


Nick stood up, anger in his eyes, “You didn´t have to do that,” he looked hurt. “I can manage on my own. You´re not my babysitter!” With that he stormed out of the room, leaving a surprised and even more confused Brian. Nick was being moody, but that had been totally uncalled for. With a sigh he turned back to his packing.


Knowing his friend Nick would soon be back, apologizing, yet he was puzzled by the strange behavoir. Didn´t Nick want to spend time with him? Didn´t he like his parents?


This was not the impression that he got over the years, instead Nick had often talked with his mom and he knew that the teen loved his mothers home cooking. Last year Nick had spent a few days over at his family's house and that had been some pretty good days. Nick hadn´t wanted to leave when it was time to go back on the road and this attitude that he now showed had Brian totally out for loop.


They had been touring on and off in Europe the past years and leaving Germany for about a week off was something they were all looking forward to. Brian, who shared apartment with Howie and AJ would go to Orlando for a few days after spending time with his family. Afterwards they would return to Germany and Great Britain for a winter tour. It was a busy schedule.


Suddenly the door opened and AJ came in, “Brian do you know what´s the matter with Nick?” He sounded a bit worried.


“What happened?”


“I don´t know. He just came busting in, saying that he was so pissed at everybody that butted into his life. Howie made him calm down and they are talking right now. You know anything more?”


Brian sighed, “I asked him if he wanted to come with me back home and celebrate Thanksgiving with my family and then he totally freaked out and left the room. I don´t know what I did wrong.”


“Probably nothing. You know Kaos, he can get worked up over nothing and he's a moody teen you have to search for.”


“Yeah I know,” Brian nodded. Still he wasn´t satisfied. “He got pretty upset when he heard that I had called my mom.”


“I wouldn´t worry. He is probably pissed beacuse his own parents are not with him and now he doesn´t want to bother someone else.” AJ said as it was the most natural thing in the world, “You know the family issue is kind of sore to him.”


“Yes,” Brian stopped momentarily with his packing, jeans in hands. “Maybe I should go and talk to him then.”


“No, leave it to D’. He'll talk with him.”


“You´re probably right.” Besides him, Howie was the other person that Nick would turn to when he needed to talk. It hurt a bit that his friend turned to the Latino instead of him when it came to matters like this. Yet he knew that Nick was very sensitive when it came to his family. Brian thought that Nick's family neglected him too much and he knew how sad it left him. Nick depended on his family, but lately they hadn´t been there so much for him. Instead Nick's Uncle John went touring with them on and off and when he wasn´t with them Nick turned to Brian for help and support.


He also knew that Nick hated to be a nuisance for anyone, at least when it came to spending time with the other boys families. He had watched one too many times Frack being alone at some event and the other guys families had been there to support them. Things like this could make a torn in ones side, this he knew.


“I´m gonna go and see how they are doing,” AJ said when Brian had been silent much too long. The only response he got was a nod.


As the evening passed Nick avoided Brian deliberately. This left the Kentuckian more and more confused. Finally when the blonde even walked around him, he thought it was fit to make a confrontation.


“Nick,” Brian said as he walked up to the coach where his friend was seated. They had one of their endless meetings over the upcoming schedule and had taken a short break. “We need to talk.”


“Aha,” Nick pretended to be engrossed in a magazine and Brian took it resolutely away. “Hey I was reading that,” he said irritated.


“Too bad. Listen, if you don´t want to come with me to Lexington all you have to do is to say so. Moping around feeling sorry for your self won´t cut it.” The words were harsh. He was waiting for Nick to throw a fit, but the reaction were quite the opposite.


“It´s..it´s not that,” the teen said, lip quivering. “It´s just that..that..you dont have to do that.”


“Do what?”


“I mean..call your mom and so and ask if I can come and..” Nick's voice died down and Brian could swear that he saw the eyes tear momentarily. He felt bad for thinking that his friend didn´t want to come home with him.


“Oh it´s no biggie. They were so happy to hear that you were coming and..mom even decided to bake that chocolate cake that you liked so much.” He was throwing in a lie, about the chocolate cake, but it was worth it. And he also knew that his mom would bake that cake without blinking when Nick had arrived.


“Really?” Nicks face lit up, “In that case I´m coming.” He smiled widely, and as he did so Brian noticed how his whole posture had changed. There had been a misjudgement as Nick was more than happy to go over at his folks house.


“Ok, call your parents and then it´s settled.” Brian smiled. In the corner of his eye he could see that both Howie and AJ did tumbs up. They knew how much this would mean to Nick.


Nicks face darkened.


“What?”


“Eh..what if..if they won´t let me stay with you?” he said fingering nervously at the corner of the magazine.


“Then mom can call Jane and talk to her. Ok?” Brian was a person that always came up to soloutions to problems and this was no exception.


“You think it would work?” Nick sounded skeptical.


“God Nick,” AJ butted in, “ Why do you always assume the worst?”


“Beacuse you don´t know my mom,” he whined.


“Listen, your mom will think it´s a great idea. Trust me!” Now Howie was filling into the conversation as well.


Nick seemed relaxed for a moment. “Ok,” he agreed, “I´m going to call her. But I dont have too much hope.” The other nodded as the teen disappeared outside to make his call. Less than five minutes later he appeared in the door, eyes shining, face glowing.


“She said YES!” he laughed, giving Brian a bearhug, “I´m going to your place!”


“Great,” Brian grinned as he ruffled his friends hair.


“We'll have a blast!”

Downtime- Chapter 2

” Nick, Nick, come on, Get up,” Brian nudged his friends side, trying to coax him out of the plane seat, “ We’ve landed now.” Getting no response he stood up to take down the luggage from the compartment. Glancing down he saw that Nick sat in the same position, eyes closed, lips pursed. Pale and sweaty he held the armrest in a death grip. It had been a rough landing since it was hurricane season and they felt the effects from a recent storm touching Kentucky.


It was more than one time Nick had chanted like a mantra “ I will make it, I will make it.” On top of it he had gotten airsick too and Brian felt sorry for Nick to having to endure this discomfort every time they went on a trip.


“ How is he doing? Kevin asked, nodding with his head towards the blonde.


“ Not so good,” Brian shook his head as he made another attempt to get Nick’s attention, “ Dude, we’re here..here in Kentucky.” The words most have been coming through as there was a jerk.


“ Oh sorry,” he mumbled, as he tiredly rubbed his face. “ I most have spaced out.”


“ We thought you had passed out,” Brian joked, “ Come on, mom and dad are waiting.”


“ Ok,” with a small moan Nick stood up, shaking one leg, “ I think it fell asleep,” he mumbled a bit apologetic as he “happened” to kick Kevin who waited for the two boys to pass through the aisle.


“ Sure,” the dark haired man wasn’t buying it, but he let it go. Nick is a bit of a klutz, bumping into things and falling all the time.


“ You have your bag?” Brian questioned.


A small nod. “ Yeah.”


“ Ok you’re ready then?”


Another nod, then Nick stopped, “ Wait,” he said as he hurried down to his seat again.


“ What is it now?” Kevin asked a bit irritated. In his opinion the teen was stalling them one too many times and there was always something that Nick forgot wherever he was. Brian on the other hand waited patiently.


“ I forgot this,” Nick waved his CD player, and then rushed down the aisle to the others again.


“ Fine. You’re all set now?” Kevin asked.


“ Yeah, I am, let’s go.” With that signal they walked out of the plane. It was a bit chilly outside. Also dark, it was already night when they arrived after sitting in plane for more than 15 hours. It felt good to finally get to stretch their legs.


Brian was looking forward so much to meeting his family. He hadn’t gotten to meet them for over a month and he looked forward to his stay. Kevin also looked forward to this as well as meeting his girlfriend Kristin who he had been dating on and off for the past 5 years. Nick was the one that was most reserved. It felt a bit strange not going home over Thanksgiving and instead going to stay at Brian’s. Not that he had anything against it, no to the contrary, but home is always home no matter what.


They had landed in Covington, about one and a half hour drive from Lexington.


“ It will be so good to meet the folks again,” Kevin said as they were waiting for their luggage to arrive. Brian nodded. Nick said nothing. He felt a bit dazed and jet lag had started to kick in. That he had spent the better part of the ride with his head in a brown paper bag and that didn’t exactly make him feel any better. But he was starting to feel better as the time passed. After the guys had picked up their luggage they walked to the waiting area.


“ Mom, Dad,” Brian called out as he saw his parents standing there, waiting for them to arrive. Kevin’s mom Ann was also there and both of the boys hastened their pace.


“ Brian!” Jackie called out as she embraced her youngest son with a warm hug. There were tears in their eyes as they looked at each other.


“ I missed you so much, mom,” Brian whispered.


“ Me too,” Jackie’s voice was thick with emotion.


“ Hello son,” Brian’s dad greeted and gave Brian a hug too. “ Welcome home.”


“ Hey dad,” Brian grinned widely.


A bit further up Nick stood, watching the scenario through his bangs. He felt so alone and bit back the tears that were starting to form in his blue eyes. There was a mixture of emotions. Happiness for Brian, but also sadness for himself. He smiled nervously, fidgeting with the handle on the suitcase.


Being the wise woman that Jackie was she pulled herself out of her sons hug and set her steps towards the lost teen, “ Hello Nick,” she greeted him as she gave him a warm and welcome hug, “ We’re so happy that you’re coming to stay with us.”


“ Thank you. Mrs Littrell,” Nick said as politely as he could. His mother had taught him to always be polite in situations like this. He felt a bit embarrassed, but it felt good to get a hug. Brian’s mom felt safe and comforting. “ I’m glad to be here.”


“ Oh call me Jackie,” she said with a smile, looking at the boy she continued, “ That thing most be heavy, let Harold help you.” She gestured towards his suitcase.


“ Good day Nick,” A dark voice said. Harold was standing there, “ Welcome.”


“ Thank you Mr Littrell.”


“ Harold to you,” the older man raised his eyebrows, “ That thing sure looks heavy.” He made an attempt to take the suitcase, “ Here let me take it.”


“ No, no I can manage,” Nick mumble, not wanting to cause any problems.


“ Son, I’m not that old.” Harold joked and Brian laughed, “ Not yet anyway.”


“ Huh?” Nick didn’t follow the line as Harold patted the blonde on his shoulder, “ It’s ok, and I’ll take it.”


“ Ok, Oh.”


“ Hey Brian and Nick,” Kevin’s mom had come up to talk to them. “ I’m so happy that you’re going to celebrate Thanksgiving with us.” She smiled.


“ Yeah, he will meet my aunts and uncles and..” Brian started as he grinned, “ Really, really fun.”


“ Don’t mock your relatives.” Harold said in a strict tone, just to smile the other second, “ But you’re right, there are more fun things to do.”


“ So are you all ready,” Kevin asked impatiently.


“ My, my , you’re in a hurry.” Ann smiled.


“ Yeah well I’m fed up with airports,” Kevin informed.


“ Is that all?” Ann whispered something to Jackie and they laughed together.


Brian caught the situation, “ Why do I get an impression that a certain blonde girl is the reason why you want to get out of this place?” He grinned.


“ Aww shut up,” Kevin commented a bit irritated.


“ Kevin, that is no way to talk.” Ann scolded.


“ Sorry mom.”


Nick smiled. It was fun to see how Kevin turned into a kitten in his mothers embrace. This sent a glare back from the Kentuckian.


“ We better get going then,” Ann said, patting her son’s arm, “ Kristin is waiting.” Kevin got something dreaming in his face and soon they rushed away.


“ That boy is soooo in luuuv,” Jackie chuckled, “ Ann told me that he calls to her almost every day.” Both Brian and Nick grinned. Now they had more material to joke around with Kevin about.


“ I have the car upfront,” Brian’s dad commented as he picked up the suitcases.


“ Good, then lets get home.” Brian said, “ I long to get to sleep in my own bed. Those hotels beds are not comfortable at all”


Jackie frowned, “ Are you sure that Mr Pearlman and the Wrights takes good care of you? I think you’ve lost weight. “ She looked concerned, “ Both of you.”


“ Mom,” Brian laughed, “ We’re fine.”


“ No,” Mrs Littrell shook her head slowly, “ You two need to be fattened up, but don’t you worry I will make sure that you get some old fashioned food, especially you young man.” She looked sternly at Nick.


The teen fidgeted. It felt strange walking with Brian’s parents, not bad just different.


“ You look tired,” Jackie commented as she took a good look at the boys, “ Was it a good flight? Did you get any food?”


“ Jackie,” Harold interrupted her, “ Leave the boys be, you’re asking them too many questions.” He smiled.


“ Oh hon, you know how happy I am to have my son back home again.” Jackie slapped her husband’s arm playfully. Nick noticed that they looked like a happy old couple that had been through thick and thin.


“ Yes Mom,” Brian answered dutifully, “ It was a pretty good flight, a bit rocky from time to time." There was no need to upset his parents with telling them that Nick had been motion sick almost the whole trip. “ And yes we had some plane food.” His mom was always so concerned over his health and he also knew that she thought that no one was really taking care of the fifteen-year-old either.


“ Good, you need to take care of yourself. Especially you Brian, who has a weak heart.”


“ MOM!” Brian sounded a bit annoyed and Nick smiled. “ There is nothing wrong with my heart.”


“ I know, I know,” she held up a hand for defense. “ I ask too many questions.” She looked at her husband with a smile and then said to Nick, “ I’m a real mother hen.”


“ Ok,” Nick didn’t know what to say. This was a different situation for him. His own parents never showed this much concern, unless there was a reporter nearby. Suddenly he felt very tired. A headache had been luring ever since they landed, ready to strike. It looked like it had found it’s opportunity and now the legs felt like lead. The bag he was carrying over his shoulder felt like it was packed with bricks. He wavered slightly and instantly Mr. Littrell was there to straighten him up.


“ You feel all right?” he asked a bit concerned. Jackie instantly looked at the teen, with a frown.


Nick shrugged, “ Yeah, just a bit tired.” He blushed.


“ Oh..yes you have been up so long,” Jackie put her hand to her mouth, “ That is right. As soon as we come to the house I’m making you something to eat and then you’re off to bed.”


“ Mom,” Brian had a habit of often starting a sentence with Mom, mainly because they were so close to each other, “ We’ve slept on the plane. Don’t worry.”


“ Ok this is it,” Harold announced as they were at the Silver Buick Century 77. He set the suitcases down.


“ Dad, you’re still driving that thing? Didn’t you get the money I sent you?”


“ There is nothing wrong with this car. She maybe old and ugly, but she purrs like a kitten.” Harold patted the Buick like it was a treasure.


“ Yeah right,” Brian muttered. Turning to Nick he whispered, “ Dad is hopeless.”


“ Ok.” Nick knew that he didn’t talk much but to tell the truth he felt a bit off. Jetlag was starting to kick in and his stomach felt a bit funny. Could have something to do with not eating much since they departed Germany. It was also a bit chilly and he shivered slightly.


Jackie noticed this at once, “ Nick you’re cold?”


“ A bit.” He stuck his hands into his jeans pockets.


“ Well jump into the car and we’ll turn the heater on. There is no use to stand outside, freezing son” Harold said as he put the suitcases in the luggage compartment. Brian opened the car door and he sat down. Nick went to the other side. As they were seated ready to go Harold announced, “ Buckle up and get ready for the great ride.” He laughed knowing that he was known for being a real turtle when it came to driving.


“ Now you will go for a fast ride,” Brian whispered sarcastically to Nick who smiled. A bit pale. His headache was slowly escalating and now there were no question about it. Queasiness had accompanied it.


Turning on the fan, blasting hot air into the car Jackie asked, “ Are you guys good back there?”


“ Yes Mom,” Brian sounded tired as he closed his eyes, willing himself to sleep.


“ Nick?” She looked over her shoulder at their guest.


“ Yes Mrs Li..I mean Jackie,” Nick corrected as the older woman raised an eyebrow.


“ That is better,” she smiled.


Harold started to fidget with the radio station and soon country music filled the car. They had a little less than 2 hour before they would arrive at the Littrell house that was out by the countryside. The boys had always joked with Brian that he was a farm boy, which was not really true since Mr Littrell worked with computers. Mrs Littrell was a housewife.


“ Harold has missed you too.” Jackie informed her son. Harold was Brian’s brother. He was 24 and worked at a factory.


“ Is he still going out with Ann?” Brian asked, opening his eyes. Ann was Harold’s sweetheart that he had been dating on and off ever since high school, senior year.


“ No,” Jackie shook her head, “ I wish he would settle down with some one soon and not date around so much. It can’t be healthy.”


Nick smiled smug. That was some words that their friend AJ would need to listen too. He was having more girlfriends than anyone could tell. They had lost count a long time ago


“ I’m sure that he will settle down soon,” Brian grinned.


“ I hope so,” Brian’s mom sighed.


“ Jackie!” Harold reminded her, “ The boys are tired and need to get some rest you can talk with them later.”


“ Oh..I´m so sorry,” she blushed slightly, “ I´m talking too much. Now go head and rest.”


“ Okaaaay mooooom,” the last syllable in the word was dragged out as Brian had already taken up the quest of resting. He yawned loudly, “ Sorry.” Closing his eyes he soon fell asleep.


Nick wished he could follow the same example and he would have done that if his head hadn’t hurt so much. He also felt a bit motion sick but didn’t want to tell the Littrells that he needed to sit up front. That would be too rude, so instead he suffered in silence.

Downtime- Chapter 3

After traveling for a while Nick was starting to feel very uncomfortable. It was warm and stuffy in the car and he wished that they could turn the heater down. The sound of Kenny Rogers and the Littrells small talking up front wouldn´t have been so bad if he didn´t feel so crummy. Infact it would have been rather cozy.


As the miles taxed along he was getting more and more queasy. Swallowing he tried to will himself to feel better. After the terrible planeride he was sure that there were not much left in his stomach and he prayed that he wouldn´t be in for another round. He didn´t want to be an nuisiance. When the nausea didn´t go away he felt desperate.


“ Brian, Brian,” he mumbled, nudge his sleeping friends arm, gently.


“ Mpf..mrhhmph..” Brian was a heavy sleeper and he did no signs of waking up.


“ Frick,” he called out a bit louder. This time shaking him to get his attention. The nausea was not getting any better, quite the oposite and it was escalating with a frightening rate.


“ Mpf..ye..yes?” The voice was rusty as he tried to find his bearings.


“ Brian, I don´t feel too good,” Nick whispered with a weak voice, afraid that Brians parents would hear anything. That would be too embarrressing.


“ Wha..what´s the matter?” Brian opened his eyes, peering into a pale face, shone up by the street lights.


“ I feel sick.”


“ You do?” Now the Kentuckian sat up straighter in his seat, suddenly clear awake.


Nick nodded.


“ You want me to ask dad to stop the car?” Brian felt concerned and he mentally debated weather or not he should tell his mom about Nicks condition. The fifteen year old had a green sheen over his face and he was sweating profously.


“ I don´t kn..know,” The tone was shaky and this had Brian pick up his attention. Without asking any further he tapped his fathers shoulder. He had seen his friend in situations like this before and you could never be to careful.


“ Dad?”


“ Yes son?” Harald asked as he turned down the volume.


“ Brian? I thought you were asleep,” his mother said a bit surprised.


“ I was,” Brian said lightly, “ Dad I need you to stop the car.”


“ What? Here and now?”


“ What´s the matter. Are you feeling sick?” there were concerned in his mothers voice.


Nick on the other hand sat with his eyes closed, he was swallowing constantly as bile burned down his throat. His eyes and mouth was watering. A safe sign that he would soon get sick. All he wished was to stop the car so he could get outside and breathe some fresh air.


“ No. Not me. Nick does.”


A moan was heard from the back as the sick teen held his hand over his mouth, gagging in the process. Turning at his friends direction he saw the urgency. “ Dad, stop the car. NOW!” His father most have sensed the desperation as he stepped on the breaks. The tire screeched as the car came into a rough jolt.


Fumbeling with the door handle with one hand Nick tried to get outside. In his hurry he forgot the seatbelt and as he stumbled out he tangled himself up in it. Coming to his aide Brian helped him out of the snarle as he made outside. Not a moment too soon. He only managed a few steps away from the car as he let go off what was bothering him, spilling it on the gravel.


Jackie Littrell opened the door, rushing out to the sick teen. Nick tried to shield away, feeling too embarressed being caught in a situation like this. “ So-sorry,” he croaked in between the heaves.


“ Oh baby. Don´t worry. It´s fine..just concentrate and let it out. Don´t fight it” she mumbled, as she held his forehead. It felt comforting and he felt grateful for this. She whispered over and over again, as she stroked his hair, “ It´s ok, it´s ok.” Nick groaned as another bout overtook his body. It hurt since he had almost nothing to throw up. Jackie looked at him with compassion. “ I know,” she whispered, “ It hurts, but you feel better when it´s over.”




“ Harold,” Jackie called out after a little while.


“ Yes honey?” Brian and his dad was watching the scenario unfold from the car.


“ There are some tissues in the compartment. Bring that to me, please.”


“ Ok,” Harold opened the compartement and was about to leave when Brian said, “ I´ll do it.” With that he walked over to his mom and “little brother”. Nick sat hunched, head hung low, eyes closed. He had turned his back towards the mess he had created on the roadside. His mom was still stroking his friends back with smooth circle moves.


“ You think you´re done?” she asked softly.


Nick nodded, “ m’ sorry.”


“ Shhh,” she comforted him, “ That can happend to anyone. The main thing is that you feel better.” She stroked his sweatsoaked hair.


“ Here mom,” Brian said quietly as he handed the pack of tissues to her.


“ Thank you honey. Tell dad that we will be there soon.”


“ Ok,” Turning to Nick he said, “ You´re gonna be allright? Frack.”


“ Mhm..” Nick belched.


“ You feel sick again?” Jackie asked as she saw the teen spitting on the ground. Brian walked away, shaking his head. He couldn´t deny that he felt glad that he was being able to leave and go back to the car. His mom was handing the task with flying colors.


“ Eh..huh..nah..I think I can manage.” He said as he swallowed hard. This was incredible embarressing and he wanted to sink through earth. There couldn´t be any worse than getting carsick infront of Brians parents.


“ Ok,” She opened the pack of tissues, handing him one, “ Here honey, take a tissue and wipe your mouth. I´m going to see if we have anything for you to drink so you get that nasty taste out of your mouth.” She stood up, leaving Nick cleaning himself up. Moments later she was back with a bottle of water.


“ Here take this and swirl it around in your mouth and spit. Don´t swallow.”


Nodding Nick took a mouthful and did as Jackie said. Instantly he started to feel better. “ I´m fine now,” he murmured as he tried to stand on shaky legs.


“ Good, think you´re fine enough to walk back to the car?” she asked, supporting him by holding her hands on his shoulders. Nick was shivering badly and this had Jackie a tad concerned. She thought nothing of it as they reached the car.


“ Son, Why didn´t you tell us you were carsick?” Harold asked. Displeased with his blunt out question Jackie mouthed in the background for him to hush up. Too weak to answer , Brian jumped in with an explanation.


“ He doesn´t get it all time. “ Nick has been motionsick the whole plane ride and I´ll guess his equiliberium wasn´t ready for one of your drives, dad.” It was meant like a joke since his father was a very careful driver. Harald chuckled.


Nick raised his eyebrows, Where had Brian learnt such a difficult word. Not in the group that was for sure. He didn´t have time to think about it as Jackie said,“ I think it´s safe that you sit here upfront,” Nick did as he was told.


Harold turned to him, " Don´t worry son, we should be at our house in no time."


" Yeah man, you´re gonna be ok?" Brian was as concerned as the rest of them. The difference was that he had seen the teen in this situation many times, too many and therefore didn´t fuss so much. Besides his friend could be spoiled.


“ I feel better already,” he said as he closed his eyes. Cool air blasted against his face and the nausea had finally drowned down.


“ That is good. If you feel sick again, just let us know. We will soon be home so you can rest” Jackie said as she helped Nick fasten his seatbelt.


“ Aha... Thanks.” Even tough he felt as lousy as could be, combined with being embarressed it still felt good. He had never in his life been more taking care off and Jackies warm and helping hand had been a great support.


" That is so little," Mrs Littrell said as she smiled a warmly.


It had started off bad, but as you say it can only get better. Couldn´t it?

Downtime - Chapter 4


More than an hour later they arrived at the Littrells house. It was midnight and pitch dark outside as Harold pulled up on the driveway. “ Finally home.” He breathed out loud. It had been a very long drive since they had to make one more stop for Nick so he could be sick. Now the teen was seated in the back, snoring soundly together with Brian.


“ Harold, don´t talk too loud the boys are finally asleep.” Jackie said as she looked over her shoulder. Smiling she nudged her husbands arm, “ Look Harold, they look so peaceful.”


“ Mhm..” Harold grunted, as he opened the door letting in the chilly november air into the car. This had Nick stirring in his sleep and soon he mumbled, “ Are we there yet? At the venue” He was a bit disoriented.


“ No,” Jackie answered lightly, “ We´re home.” She followed her husbands action and stepped out of the car, opening the cardoor to Nick side.


“ Uh? In tampa?” Nick didn´t follow the lines. His head felt all mushy. It didn´t make it any better that an forceful headache tried to blow himself into pieces. The only comfort was that that the nausea was on the retreat after last stop and now he felt a tad better.


“ No honey, In Lexington.”


“ Oh,” Nick opened his eyes, looking a bit confused.


Brians mom was peering down at him, with a concern frown. “ How are you feeling?” she asked. “ Is the nausea any better?”


“ Eh...Yeah” He knew that he didn´t sounded too convincing, but that was true. He felt better. All that was left was a hollow and empty feeling in his stomach. In other words he was hungry. He sat up straighter in the seat looking at his friend who was sawing timberlogs. “ Brian,” he said, “ Brian, wake up, we´re at your folks place.”


There were no movement as the young man slept soundly away. Nick sighed. It was more than one time he had trouble waking up his friend. He on the other way was a very light sleeper. There had been moments at the Backstreet bus when Nick couldn´t sleep beacuse of all the strange noises. He often woke up constantly as someone turned in the bed or coughed.


“ He won´t wake up?” Mrs Littrell asked as she patted her sons shoulder, gently. Nick shook his head as he stepped out of the car, shivering slightly.


Jackie took over the hard task to waking her son up and she murmured softly, “ Brian..Brian honey..wake up.” Her eyes were soft and warm as she looked at her youngest son. Nick felt a bit jelous. He could see the certain connections there was between Mother and Son. His own relationsship with his mom wasn´t like that. Ok, it was not bad, it wasn´t heartly either. More on a natural level and a bit shallow.


“ Mom?” Brian rubbed his eyes, “ Are we there yet?” He yawned loudly.


“ Yes..” His mother smiled, “ Yes honey, we are home.”


“ Awww..awesome.” In less than three seconds, Brian went from totally dazed to wide awake. He jumped swiftly out of the car and set his pace towards the entrence, “ Cool it feels great to be home!” Enthusaism shining in his eyes.


Nick trudged after his friend. He felt a bit off in an odd sort of way. Feeling a bit left out and alone as he often did in new situations. The good part was that it never lasted so long and once he got settled he became more and more comfortable.


The first thing that struck him when he stepped into the hallway was how clean and tidy, yet homely the Littrells home was. It had a bit of country style over it and wasn´t flashy at all, It was a two floor house with an basement. A rather ordinary look where Mrs Littrell had managed to make it cozy and nice.


Nick had been here once before. That time it was a shorter trip over a day when he had celebrated Brians 20th birthday. He couldn´t say that he knew the place very well and felt a bit lost as he stood in the hallway. Brian on the other hand was not. The house cat, a black and white one, called Missy came to see who was making a visite.


“ Oh Missy baby, I missed you soooo much,” Brian cuddled as he picked up the black cat. Nick stroked the black fur and the cat licked him back.


“ How cute,” he commented as he stepped aside as Harold made an entrence.


“ I´m taking the suitcases upstairs,” he said as he jostled the heavy cases upstairs.


“ Hold on..” Nick called out, “ I´ll help you.” He moved towards Brians dad who shook his head, “ No Son, I can manage..you go and make yourself comfortable in the livingroom or kitchen.”


“ Yeah,” Brian filled in, “ I´ll help you dad.” With that father and son went upstairs. Nick was left alone, but not for long as he felt a hand on his shoulder.


“ Nick, you think that you can eat something?” Mrs Littrell asked as she was trying to judge his condition, healthwise.


“ Hrm..ye..yes..I think so.” Nicks stomach made an growling response which had Jackie grinning, “ I´ll see that you feel better already.” Go sit down in the living room and I will make you boys hot cocoa and a sandwich. Afterwards you can go to sleep.”


“ Thank you, Mrs Li..Jackie.” Nick said, as he made his way into the large livingroom. Sinking down in the brown leather couch he closed his eyes. Exhaustion dwelled over him. Suddenly he felt so small and alone. Tears burned in his eyes, both from fatigue, but also for missing his home and family. Thanksgiving was something special and even if he felt thrilled and happy for being invited to spend the holiday at Brians he still felt a bit sad. Thanksgiving was a family holiday and deep inside he wished that his mom had said that they were going to share it together. But Aarons carrier was much more important and as he recalled it his mom hadn´t been the slightest sad that he couldn´t be there with them. Even if it was close to a month since he set his foot back home last time.


“ Frack, you´re spacing out man?” Brian said as he sank down beside him on the couch, wavering his hand infront the blondes eyes. To get his attnetion


“ Eh..huh..nah..”


“ Yeah sure.” His friend closed his eyes, “ I´m totally zonked. You?”


“ A bit.” He stretched his limbs.


“ Boys I have made something small to eat,” Jackie said as he she came in with a tray. The smell of home cooked bread filled the room as well as hot cocoa.


“ Great Mom, I´m starving.” Brian smiled as he made room on the table for the tray.


Nick nodded. He was hungry too, but to say he was starved would be an overstatement. His stomach had finally settled down, it usually did once he was off the plane or the car. Traveling was not something he enjoyed, unless it was by boat. The bad part was that in this line of business it came with the territory.


Brian and his mom started to talk about life back home and soon Harold joined in to the conversation. Nick sat silent. Listening. He was getting more and more sleepy and soon he had a hard time keeping his eyes open. After nodding off and waking for the umpth of time Mrs Littrell said, “ Oh no here we are talking all the time. You boys need your sleep. “ She stood up to take away the cups and the bread. Frowning she noticed that Nick had mostly nibbled at his piece, but she thought nothing more about it as Brian interupted her.


“ Yes Mom, I´ll take Nick upstairs and show him to my room. I´ll take it that we are rooming with each other.”


Jackie nodded, “ Yes. I have made the sparebed.” Turning to the pale teen she asked, “ Nick are you sure that you´re allright?” There were something with the teen that had her worried. Nick was usually not this quiet. Being in a new situation could make anyone feel uncomfortable, but there were something more..her instinct told her so.


“ Huh?” He jerked as he had been in his own world. “ Yeah..sure..I´m fine.” Nick stood up, stretching his arms, yawning. “ Sorry,” he applogized.


“ Are you coming, Frack?” Brian called out for him as he was already up the stairs.


“ Eh..sure..well good night then,” he said as he followed his friend. Stopping in the stairs he turned to Mrs Littrell“ Thank you Jackie. Thank you for taking care of me..eh..you know.” He blushed slightly. He was still embarressed for being sick infront of Brians parents.


“ Oh Nick, it was nothing.” She smiled towards him, “ I´ve done the same for Brian many times. I´m used to it”


“ You have NOT,” her son objected from the top stairs.


“ Yes..Brian remember that time when you were at the fair and ate too much sugar candy and threw up on aunt Martha and....”


“ Mooooom!! I´m sure that Nick doesn´t want to listen to THAT! Goooood night moooom. “


Jackie chuckled, “ Honey there are many more stories to tell..” Nick grinned. Had Brian, who always seemed so perfect, been in embarressing situations too? This could be good.


After saying good night to the elderly the two boys went into Brians old teenage room. It was almost left the same as it was before he had moved to his own appartment. The walls were plastered with basketball stars and it looked like an ordinary boys room.


“ You´re going to be fine?” Brian asked as Nick had settled down on the sparebed.


“ Aha..hey B..where is your bathroom?” he asked as there were a pressing matter at stake.


“ Oh..I forgot to show you.” The young man slapped his hand against his forehead, “ It´s the second door on the left..” He stood up,. “ Wait I´ll come with you.”


“ No, No I can manage.” The teen said as he left to prepare for the night.


As he was inside he heard Jackie call out from the other side, “ Nick?”


“ Eh..I´m in here.” Could this be any more embarressing?


“ Honey, I left some towles in Brians room, you can use them.”


“ ok,,fine...thank you.” Nick tried to be polite.


There was a brief silence before Mrs Littrell continued, “ Nick, I want you to know that you can come to me about anything while you´re here.”


“ Thanks,” Nick didn´t know what to say. It felt wierd.


“ And if you need anything, don´t hesitate to come and wake me up. " Jackie wanted to make Nick as comfortable as could be. He seemed so lost!


" Eh..I will do that..Good night."


"Good, Goodnight then Nick." With that she left.


Clad in only his briefs he ran down the hallway to Brians room. His friend had already fallen asleep as he jumped on the sparebed. It was dark in the room and he felt scared for the dark. It was always strange spending the night at other peoples houses. Different sound, different smells. Even though he had been so tired a while back he was clear awake now.


After tossing and turning for several hours Nick was starting to feel restless. He had gone to the bathroom one more time and soon it was dawn. The house was awfully quiet and all that was heard was Brians snoring. With a sigh he decided that he couldn´t bare to lay here in bed. He was also thirsty and after thinking twice he went down to the kitchen. Opening the cuboard he picked out a glas and poured milk into it. After drinking it in a gulp he went into the living room. If he couldn´t sleep he could at least watch tv. Laying down on the couch he turned on the tv, picking up the remote control just to see that the Littrells didn´t have cable. A bit surprised he concluded that he didn´t know that there were still people that didn´t have MTV. The Tv program on the four ordinary channels had all stopped for the night. All but one which showed Tv shop. After watching endless of commercials about miracle cures and trimmers he was bored.


Remebering the sportsbag in the hallway he picked it up. In there lay his Nintendo and favorite game “ Kid Nicky.” Ok if he couldn´t watch tv he could at least play Nintendo. It would settle his nerves and make him feel comfortable. After rigging up the game, sitting down infront of the tv, he started to play. His eyelids was getting heavier and heavier and soon he fell asleep.


It was in this position with handcontroller in hand, laying on his stomach that Mr and Mrs Littrell found him. Three hours later.

Downtime -Chapter 5

The dream faded away and Nick stirred in his restless sleep. A nice scent of newly baked ginger rolls lingered in the room and assulted his nostrils. Slowly he was coming to his senses and moved.


He was laying on something hard. The first thought was that he was in one of those cheap hotel rooms that Lou always seems to find. As he opened his eyes he became more and more aware if that he was laying on the floor. At first he didn´t recognize his surroundings but as the cowebs slowly cleared up he remembered that he was at Brian’s parents house.


There was something heavy and warm on his back and as he pulled it closer he recognized that it was a check pleated wool blanket. Snuggeling in it he closed his eyes again, since his body had no intentions of getting up. Jetlag combined with having a too hectic schedule was starting to catch up with him. Last month they had been on a 10 country tour in South East Asia and he never got any chance to rest up.


Suddenly he opened his eyes with a jerk. Why was he lying on a floor? A bit disoriented he sat up, rubbing his eyes. Yep he WAS on a floor. Beside him lay the remote control to his Nintendo and he blushed slightly. Oh no! He had fallen asleep in a foreign house. This was no good. Slowly it all came back to him and he felt even more embarressed. He remebered the drive back home and winced at the motionsickness he had endured. Then he remebered how Jackie had been there for him,comforing him and he blushed even more. It was bad that Brian’s mom saw him spewing his guts out, but it was even worse that he had fallen asleep in the living room.


What would they think of him?


The sun shone in through the window and he shivered slightly,only wearing a pair of navy blue Backstreet briefs and a white T-shirt. A pressing matter made him aware that he couldn´t hide in here for ever. There were rustling and movement in the kitchen and he could hear Brian’s mom singing as she did her chores. Now he knew where Brian had got his angelic voice from. Speaking about his friend Brian was in the hallway talking and laughing to someone.


With a sigh he stood up, blanket falling to the floor. It had been a bad idea sleeping down here and his joints were sore. Stretching the aching limbs he he dragged his feet sleepily towards the hallway. He was instantly met with Brian who grinned widely as he saw the blonde making an entrance.”Nintendo freak,” he mouthed as he turned back to the phone. Nick grinned too as he walked into the bathroom, tending to his morning duties.


After putting on a pair of black Nike trainerpants he walked into the kitchen, stomach growling from hunger. Brian had stopped talking on the phone and he and his mom were small talking. Nick hesitated for a moment before stepping inside.


“Yeah Mom, they want me to come to a reunion on Friday.Think that I should go?” the young man asked as he spread peanutbutter on a toast.


“That would be great.” Jackie said as she pulled out another pan from the owen. The kitchen was filled with scent of baking and she wiped her hands off on her napkin.


“ Aha..it´s been so long since I got a chance to meet up with Tom and Bob and the rest of the gang.” He stopped like he was searching for what to say next, “ You don´t think that Nick would be offended do you? If I went out?”


“ No,” Jackie smiled, “ I´m sure he would understand. Don´t worry we will look after him.”


Nick had pricked up his ears when his own name was mentioned. So Brian wanted to go out without him? Even if he understood he still felt a hint of jelaousy. He felt left out!


“ That would be great, mom.” Brian lit up, “ Schedule can be really rough on him and sometimes I worry about Nick.”


“ Yes dear I understand,” Jackie said, “ This business is tough and Nick is a sensitive soul.”


“ Thanks mom for letting him stay here,” Brian said as he poured milk into a glass.” His family is much too busy with his little brother’s career.”


Nick narrowed his eyes. Why were they talking about him? What business did they have discussing his private life? He felt anger flare up inside him and instead fled up the stairs. Not staying long enough to hear the rest of the conversation.


“ I´m sure that they care for him, it´s just that it´s hard having several children and manage to be there for each and everyone. Besides I “ Brians mom as she looked at the hallway, “ I thought I heard something.”


“ Probably just Missy.” Brian said refering to the cat. He looked at his watch, “ But Nick is really taking his time at the bathroom. I hope he´ll hurry so I get to show him Lexington, you know my high school and all.”


“ That would be great dear.” Jackie opened the owen, murmering to herself,” I hope this Pecan nut pie turns out good.” She was busy baking all kind of goodies for the Thanksgiving table.


“ Ma, I´m going to see what is taking him so long,” Brian stood up, grabbing a slice of cheese in the process, stuffing it into his mouth.


“ Well tell Nick that he can come down and eat breakfast or should we say lunch.” Jackie smiled as she looked at the clock on the wall. It was soon noon, lunch time and they had let Nick sleep in late since the kid had seemed so tired last night.


Brian was in for a real surprise when no one was in the bathroom. With a frown he went upstairs. Opening the door to his room he found the person he was searching for dressed on the bed. Back against the door.


“ Frack?” he called out as he moved over to his friend. “ Frack?” The voice was a bit harder as there was no movement.


Still nothing. His sense told him that the teen wasn´t sleeping and instead had the same crooked position like he always had when something upset him.


“Nick?” Brian could swear that he heard a sob. What was this? Was Nick crying? He laid a hand on his friends back. Another sob was heard. Yep he was definitly crying. “ What´s the matter?”


“No..Nothing,” Nick mumbled, not too convincing.


Brian wasn´t satisfield.” Yes there is.”


The teen made no further comment to that and instead said, “ I have a headache, B’rok. Go away.”


“ You do?” Brian raised an eyebrow, “You´re sick?”


“ No.”


“But you have a headache?” Brian questioned.


“ Yes.” He was only getting short answers out from the teen.


“ You want me to get you some Tylenol?” Brian asked as he tried to turn Nick around so he could see what was the matter with him. He didn´t press any further on while he was crying. Mainly beacuse if Nick didn´t want to talk there were no one, Brian included, that could get him to say anything. Second was that he was often so moody and could blow up for the smallest reason. They had all learned to live with this, even if it was hard. But it came with adolecence.


Nick shook his head. “ Nah I didn´t sleep very well last night.”


Brian smiled. “ No but you managed to score rather high points on the game last night.”


Nick blushed, “ Eh..uh.” He had stopped sobbing and wiped the tears with the back of his hand.


“ S’okay,” Brian said as he gave his friend a pat on the back, “ You´re ready for breakfast? Mom made some delecious ginger rolls.”


Upon hearing food mentioned, Nick rolled to his side, “ Yeah..uh..I..I´m actually pretty hungry.”


“ No shit?” Brian smiled, “ You haven´t eaten anything for like..like I don´t know, since we left Stuttgart.” He wasn´t counting the small meal that they had when they had arrived last day.


Nick sighed.


“ You’re feeling tired and jet lagged?” Brian continued.


“ A bit.You?”


“ Aha;”...hrm Frack?” Brian cleared his voice, “ You wanna come with me and see downtown.You know I can show you where I went to high school and stuff.”


Nick looked up, still a bit red eyed, “ Sure.” He didn´t sound too intererested.


Brians eyes gleamed, “ Well I can show you where I snogged Susan Flether in seventh grade.”


The blondes eyes lit up, “ Ok..cool.”


“ Well get your ass ready then,” Brian stood up to let Nick up.


“Ok,” He grinned too as Brian ruffled his hair.


“ Come on kiddo,” And with that they were out of the room.

Downtime -Chapter 6

It was a chilly Wednesday in the end of November. The air was high, but it was beautiful with the sun shining on the colourful leaves on the ground. Brian was in heaven when he walked down the streets. Lexington was a quiet small town and most of the people were either at work or at school. This was where he charged his batteries and it made him feel calm and in touch with himself when he was here. No screaming fans like when he was in Europe. He could be who he was; Brian Littrell with faults and flaws.


Nick also felt the calm and silence that the town breathed. Hands in his pockets he kicked the leaves in front of him as Brian guided him through his hometown. The air was cool and as he breathed it made small smoke puffs. It felt fresh, but he wasn’t used to this kind of weather. Not since he lived in Buffalo. Silently he wished that he had taken with him a much warmer jacket since his windbreaker did nothing for the chilliness.


“ This is it,” Brian stopped under a tree, besides a big building. He looked full of it and his eyes were shining, his cheeks red from the cold and excitement.


“ What?” Nick didn’t act too interested and to tell the truth he just longed to be back in the warmth, sit under a blanket and play some Nintendo. Yet he tried his best to look excited. He didn’t want to let his friend down.


“ This is where I snogged Susan.” He laughed as he patted on the big tree.


“ Really?” Nick looked up.” Was she good looking?”


“ Are you kidding?” Brian grinned, “ She became the prom queen later on. “ He got something dreamy in his eyes, “ Wonder what she does now.”


“ You still hot for her?” Nick asked with a laugh in his voice.


“Nah, but as they say..First love is something special.”


“ Did you date for long and,” Nick draw his breath, “ was she the one that you lost it to?”


“ Nick!” Brian laughed, “ Yes about a year and Nope, she wasn’t.”


“ Then who was?” Things were starting to get a bit more interesting.


“ Someone else,” Brian was often very secretive about his personal life.


“ Aww come on Bri,” Nick wasn’t about to let the subject drop. His friend was and he walked over to a nearby bench and sat down. “ This is life,” he breathed.


“ Drop it,” the teen sounded a bit annoyed, “ When you said A you better say B.”


“ Much to curious?” Brian chuckled, as he blew in his hands to get some warmth, “ I should have gotten my gloves.”


“ Yeah, yeah, yeah..now spill it.” Nick was starting to get impatient and Brian loved this. It was fun holding people curious. Especially the teen by his side.


“ I’ll tell you some other time,” Brian said as he stood up, “ Come one lets go into Stacey’s Diner and get us something warm to drink.”


He got an annoyed grunt back.


As they went inside the small local diner a waitress with blonde pony tails came towards them, “ Oh if isn’t Brian Littrell?” she said as she flashed a white teeth grin.


“ Hey Tracy,” Brian said and Nick could swear that he blushed slightly. Nick smiled. This was starting to get interesting. By the look of it his friend hadn’t been lazy when it came to dating.


“ What are you doing here in Lexington?” she asked as she hugged the pop singer tightly. “ Aren’t you famous or something in Europe?”


“ Eh..uh..a bit.” Brian fidgeting like a schoolboy that met his first crush.


“ Ok,” Then she noticed Nick standing next to the counter, “ And who is this friend of yours,” she said as she reached out a hand to greet him.


“ Nick,” Nick piped up, wishing that he had a more steady and mature voice. Tracy looked really good but it wasn’t her face that caught his attention. It was the big well formed breasts that hid under her uniform, threatening to fall out at any second. He licked his lips, not knowing where to look.


“Aww,” she said, “ You’re such a cutie.” Now it was Nick’s turn to blush. “ Well,” she continued, “ Go and find a place to sit and I’ll come over with the menu.” The two boys nodded and sat down at a table near the window.


As soon as she had left Nick leaned over the table, asking a bit louder then he intended too, “ Who was that?”


Brian’s face went fire truck red.


“ Is she..is she the one that you...you know.” He giggled.


“No!” Brian shook his head, then he added, “But I wish it was.” The friends giggled wildly. "I used to date her younger sister."


" Really does she have..uh..as big a boobs?"


Brian nodded and they started to laugh really loud.


"Well you shouldn’t be looking at that you’ve got Samantha." Nick said after a while.


" Yup, then whom should we hook you up with?"


" Hook up?" Nick pretended to be offended; " I’m Nick Carter the boy that has a girl in every city. Don’t you know?"


"Actually NO." Brian grinned. The rumour was pretty far fetched. Ok the teen wasn’t unkissed but he was more interested in playing Nintendo than snogging a girl.


As they sat munching on pancakes and jelly, giggling and goofing around, a boys voice called out “ B´rok?”


Surprised that someone called out his name Brian turned around just to get the widest grin in the world on his lips,” Tooooom!!” He said to the dark haired boy in the blue and white college jacket. Tom returned the smile and soon they embraced each other in the warmest hug.


By the look of it they had known each other for a very long time and Nick felt a bit of jealousy. So this was Brian’s best friend Tom McKinnley? The one that he had talked about endless nights when they were alone in the hotel room. Tom and Brian were inseparable in school and they had so much fun together. Even if Nick didn’t want to admit it he felt really left out and he watched through his bangs how they talked to each other.


His thoughts were interrupted by the dark-haired student saying, “ So you’re Nick? Brian has talked so much about you.” He smiled.


Nick felt moody. “ Really?” he was short with his words.


“ Yeah.” The two of them glared at each other. It was like they were battling over Brian. At least Nick was. Then Tom turned to Brian, “ Listen you wanna come to Becky Horns party on Friday?”


“ Aha, I’ve heard about that from Bob.”


“ Great, are you coming or not?” Tom said as he laid an arm around his long-time friend’s shoulder. “ We really miss you dude.”


Nick looked away. Tears burned in his eyes. He didn’t know if it was because his head was feeling strange and stuffy or if it was because he felt alone. It was probably both.


Brian scratched his head, “ Ok, I’ll do that.” He grinned. Then he most have remembered Nick as he turned to him, “ Is that ok with you?”


“ Sure,” The teen was trying to steady his voice, “ Yeah,” he said coughing lightly, “ Go ahead.” He perked up a smile, not wanting to let his friend see how hurt he really was.


“Brilliant,” Tom laughed, then he stood up, “ Well I better get going. See ya around seven at Bobs.”


“ Ok,” Brian smiled. He seemed very happy.


“ Nice to meet you Nick,” Tom said politely. Nick didn’t answer, just shrugged. This had Brian raising his eyebrow, “ What’s the matter? Why are you such a grouch?”


Nick glared. Brian was saying this in front of EVERYBODY, especially in front of Tom.


“I’m not,” he rubbed his temples momentarily. He didn’t want to seem like such a spoilsport but it hurt him that Brian had other friends than him. Ok he had Brent, an old childhood friend, but it wasn’t the same as his relationship with Brian. Brian was his and no one else’s.


Tom frowned, “ You’re not feeling very well?” he asked.


“ Why do you care?” he sneered back.


“Nick?” Brian scolded him, looking hurt, “ That is no way to talk.” All he got was a glare back. It was Tom that took hold of the situation.


“ Actually you look a bit pale.”


“ So? “Nick wheezed, “ Are you a doctor or what? Or a makeup artist?”


"NIIIIICCKK!"


" What?" he turned his head to look at Brian who was far from satisfied.


Tom shook his head, “ No, but I’m study to become one. A doctor that is.” He smiled friendly.


“ God. Oh brother," Nick let out his disgust. "This guy is stupid”, he muttered more to himself than to anyone else


“ Nick!” Another scolding from Brian. He never liked when the Lords name was abused and saying that his friend was stupid didn’t cut so well either.


“ S’okay,” Tom held up a hand, “ You better get something for that headache or you will be in for a migraine.”


“ Right.” Nick was in no mood to get advise, and especially not from Tom.


“ Well I better jet now, see you at church tomorrow, Brian and...Nick.”


“ Yeah see ya man,” Brian grinned as he took his friends hand, holding it tight. As soon as Tom was out of sight Nick breathed out loud.” What an ass.”


Brian frowned, “ What is the matter with you? Why are you so moody.”


“It’s nothing.” Nick mumbled as he continued to rub his temples. Brian wasn’t buying the words and he responded, “ You better shape up your act.”


Nick glared back. He knew he had behaved badly. Yet he couldn’t help it. He felt so alone. And jealous.

Downtime - Chapter 7

“ Come on, man. Don´t be such a spoilsport.Let´s shoots some hoops,” Brian said as he dragged Nick along towards the Littrell family driveway where a basket was rigged up and before Nick could register Brian was bouncing the ball around, shooting hoops. “ Come on,” he urged the blonde teen who stood watching, with his hands in his jeans pockets.


" I don´t feel like playing,” he mumbled as he kicked a stone so it rolled down the driveway.


Rasing his eyebrows, Brian uttered in surprise, " Why? You´re not sick or something?"


" No."


" Dude, you never turn down a game of B'ball unless there is something seriously wrong with you." This was true since Nick usually was at it playing with Brian whenever the Kentuckian wanted to. "Aww come on Frack. It´ll be fun. Here catch," he threw the ball towards his friend who made no move what so ever to catch it and instead let it bounce.


" What is the matter?" Brian asked when Nick stood there, like a statue." Man, you´re not upset over that I´m going out on Friday with my old buddies, are you?" He drew his breath.


" No."


" Because if you don´t want me to do it.I won´t," he continued, narrowing his eyes towards the blonde, holding the ball under his arm.


" It´s not that," Nick said, giving away no further explanation.


" Ok, then what is it?" Brian wasn´t about to let the subject drop until he knew what was bugging Nick so much.


" It´s..it´s nothing." Nick kicked another stone, making no attempt for any further conversation. There was no way he was going to tell Brian that he felt homesick and that he longed to be with his friends and family down in Florida. He hadn´t been at home for over a month and he missed everything. His dogs and the house, yeah even his room. There was also a tad of jelousy when he saw what a great relationsship Brian had with his parents, especially his mom.


On top of everything there was also an unsure feeling in his stomach and he didn´t know where it came from. He couldn´t pin point it, but it was a feeling of worriness combined with a dull ache. Strange.


" Stop sulking and shoot some b'ball then," Brian tried to sound cheerful even if he was getting more and more sick and tired of Nick’s moody acting. When he saw the sadness in his friends eyes he stopped saying anything further and instead said, " Come on then. Let´s play a game." He passed the ball to Nick who took it with a sigh. Brian would never give up bugging him so he better play before his head would start hurting from all the nagging.


"That´s it," Brian was satisfied as he watched the teen set a ball into the basket. " Let´s play first to ten." He threw the ball and then hit the basket from long distance. " You can still do it," Brian commented to himself as he made the goal.


Nick watched through his bangs. No matter how hard he tried he still couldn´t get into the game with much energy. His joints ached as he ran and there was a strange feeling in his stomach that reminded him that he was not feeling one hundred percent. No doubt seriously jetlagged.


"Ok, you´re on," Nick took up the challenge since him and B'rok were the worst of competitors when it came to playing. It was usually Brian who brought home the most scores.


They played for a while and Brian was winning by three points when Nick made a slamdunk.He jumped for the basket and as he was about to slam the ball into the goal something ripped in his stomach. It hurt so much that he sank down to the ground,wrapping his arms around his stomach. Tears formed in his eyes and he moaned as a sharp pain ripped through his midsection.


" Can´t take it?" Brian grinned, thinking that Nick was playing a prank with him. He was fooling around, the joking guy that he always was. " Come on whimp. Get up and let me show you what a winner looks like." He laughed as he set the ball in the basket again. Holding up his hands in a winning gesture he continued, " See Frack. That is what it should look like."


When he got no response and Nick hadn´t moved an inch, curled up into a ball, he got concerned. " Nick stop fooling around.Get up." He pleaded as he walked over to the teen, " It´s not funny anymore."


" It hu..hurts," Nick whimpered as tears rolled down his cheek. He was choking for air as the pain in his stomach felt like he had ripped some important part.


" What is it? Where does it hurt?" Now Brian was coming into action and he hunched down beside his injured friend. He lifted Nicks hand from his stomach, questioning, " Is it your stomach?"


" Ye..yeah..I think I pulled a muscle or something."


" You did? Aww come on let me help you up." Brian reached out his hand to help his friend to stand. Nick however made no movement at all. He shook his head.


" No, let me just rest. I´ll be fine."


" That´s it. I´m getting mom," Brian said as he ran inside to get help. There was something in Nick’s voice that said that he was in a great deal of pain and this was just not a pulled muscle.


" No, it´s ok," Nick whispered. Too late. Brian was already out of sight. He sat up as the pain was slowly starting to disappear. This he was grateful for. He hoped that he didn´t have to experience such a blinding pain again.


"Nicholas, what has happend?" Jackie said as she was running towards him, closely followed by her son. Immediatly she took a hunched position beside him. " Tell me where it hurts," she said as she felt on his forehead. With a frown she mumbled, mostly to herself, " Clammy."


" No..nothing." He did his best to steady his voice as he rubbed his face. " I think I just pulled a muscle or something when I made a jump for the basket." He smiled weakly.


" Let me see," she pressed Nicks stomach and he flinched as she hit a sore spot. " Does this hurt?" she questioned.


" Not really..it´s just a bit tender..but it´s going away." He sat up straighter. " It´s nothing to be concerned about." He smiled paley at the worried expression that Brian’s mom showed. Not wanting to alarm her when there was no need to do that.


" Nicholas Carter, let me the judge of that," There was authority in her voice. " You think you can stand now?"


Nick nodded. " Yeah, I´m good." He made an attempt to stand up from the ground, but instantly Brian was there.


" Let me help you," he offered as he reached his hand to steady the weak teen. " You´re going to be fine."


" Yeah." Nicks head bobbed back and forth. " I think I´m just tired or something."


"You´re sure?"


Another nod.


" Probably," Having two children of her own she wasn´t so sure that this was just a case of fatigue. However there were no indication that Nick was in for something worse. " You could have pulled a muscle when you threw up yesterday and it got worse when you played Basketball," she offered.


" Mhm.." Nick shrugged off the help that Brian offered, " The pain has gone away." he explained, not wanting to feel like a disabled. " I can manage." With that he walked ahead of them all into the house.


"I think that you should lay down and rest for a while," Jackie commented as she pointed towards the livingroom. " You´re still pale." Turning to her son she continued, " You guys have too rough of a schedule and you need to rest up."


" Mom, we can cope." Brian reassured his mother as he patted her comforting on her shoulder.


She shook her head, " I hope so. Here lay down on the sofa."She said to Nick as she picked up a wool blanket to cover him up with. " Try to sleep some. Brian, I need your help in the kitchen."


" I´m not tired," Nick protested, sitting up in the sofa. " I´m feeling fine again." He was instantly pushed back by Brians mom.


" No you´re not." She gave him a hard eye." A little sleep would do you good."


" but..but I am..f.." he started,just to get interrupted by Brian seconds later.


" Don´t argue with Mom Nick. She always wins." He grinned as she slapped him playfully on his arm.


.” I do not. It´s just that I am a bit concerned over how pale Nicholas is."


" Yes you do."


" Brian." She tried to sound hurt, but it wasn´t very successfull. " Come now Brian, let Nick be alone." With that the two of them left the room.


As soon as they were out of view Nick closed his eyes.He felt very tired. In a good sense of feeling since the pain had subsided. His eyelids were getting more and more heavy and soon he was sinking into the world of oblivion.


The last thing that was on his mind was that this might not turn out to be such a bad Thanksgiving after all.


*************************************


" Nick,wake up," Brian murmured softly as he was trying to wake up his friend. " It´s dinner time."


All he got back was a snoring sound and he grinned at the sight that were laying in the sofa infront of him. He looked so young and peaceful and it was a pity that he had to wake him up. If Nick looked like thirteen awake, he looked like eleven asleep.


The teen stirred in his sleep as Brian made another attempt. " Nick come on. You´ve been sleeping for almost two hours." He shook him on his shoulder.


" No! Let me sleep." Annoyance were shown in his voice and he rolled to his side, strict determinded to continue with his favorite task: Sleeping.


'Oh how I wish I could,' Brian thought with a sigh. God knows that Nick needed his sleep, but they had to eat and then go to church. He shook Nick harder as he said, " No Nick.You have to get up NOW!" He yanked at the blanket.


" I don´t want to do any reharsal," Nick whined, " I don´t feel good."


Brian grinned at Nicks lack of excitement, yet he felt a bit concerned over that he had mentioned that he wasn´t feeling good. This he inteded to find out more about,later on.


" Nick we have to go to church."


The words most have triggered something as Nick shot up like a canonball. " Wha..what?" He asked confused, " Church? Who died?"


Brian laughed at the disoriented figure that were blonde that didn´t look like he was following the situation yet.


" But you..said..you said," Nick stuttered as he draw his hand through his tousled hair.


" We are going to church. You know Wednesday night service," Brian explained, a smile toying at his lips.


" Oh." It was like the air went out from him.


Changing topic Brian looked at Nick, " Hey buddy, how are you feeling?" Laying his hand on the teens forehead he noticed that he wasn´t clammy anylonger. Which was a good sign.


Nick shrugged with his shoulder, " Better I guess." He yawned widely as he stretched his joints, like a cat. All that was left from the piercing pain he felt in his stomach earlier on was a dull ache.Nothing to pay any attention to. Probably hunger pains, Nick concluded as he stood up.


" Jetlag can be a real pain," Brian said, " Come on Nick, mom and dad are waiting and Harald is also here for dinner."


" Ok," there was no need to waste anymore time and he followed his friend. A strange feeling was still left in his body and Nick was more and more sure that he was coming down with something. Crap, he thought miserable. It never seem to fail. Everytime they had downtime germs struck them in their back.It was like they were not allowed to take it easy and rest up.


" Hi Nicky," Harald jr said as Nick entered the kitchen. He dunked the fifteen year old in his back with his back. " Hey man you´re getting taller everytime I meet you." Harald commented with a grin. " Brian, he is getting to be more of a basket player than you are."


"Well Harry, Nick still has alot to learn before he catches up with me." Brian said with a laugh, although his eyes were not laughing at all.


" Yeah but at least he makes it to NBA, lengthwise." Harald never seem to cease an opportunity to make fun of his younger brother.


Jackie was the one that stopped their argument, " Oh stop it boys," she said as she sat down a pot of carrots on the table. Turning to Nick she continued, " Did you sleep well?"


" Yes."


" Good. You seem so much more rested now."


" I am."


" He slept like a baby, snoring." Brian said with a grin.


" I did not. I don´t snore." Nick was defending his own honor.


" Yes you did," Brian laughed, " This is what it sounded like." He draw in air through the nose, snoring real loudly.


" Brian Littrell," Jackie said with a displeased frown. " You don´t sound like that at the dinner table."


" Sorry mom."


The young Kentuckian stopped immediatly as Harold took the words in his mouth, " Now when we are all seated by the dinner table, let us thank the Lord for giving us food on our table. Brian, would you do us the honor and lead us into prayer?"


" Yes dad," Brian became serious again and he started to recite the prayer. Meanwhile Nick looked up from under his bangs. This was not a situation that he was familiar with. Brian came from a very religious home.


" Amen," Brian ended as they all dug into the pot roast that Jackie had prepared for them.


" I met Reverend Patterson today on my way back from work," Harry said as he put several potatoes on his plate. " He asked me if I thought that you wanted to sing at the Thanksgiving service tomorrow."


" He did? Really?" There were excitement in Brian’s voice.


" Yeah and I said..I said.." Harry prolonged the words and Brian was starting to get more and more irritated. Like all older brothers teasing his little brother was the best he knew.




" Harry, let it out," he said as he saw his older brother grinning towards him.


" Ok, I said that I thought that you would be more than happy to do that. To sing at church"


" GREAT!" Brian shone like he had been offered a million dollar contract. " Nick, do you want to sing too?" he asked his friend.


Nick shook his head. " No, you go ahead." he stuffed his fork into his mouth, " This is the best pot roast that I have ever tasted," he commented as he flashed a teeth wite grin.


" Thank you." Jackie responded with a smile, " I´m glad that you like it Nicholas." She looked at the young blonde that were sitting beside her and he was more and more winning ground with her. There were something vunerable that touched her motherly instincts.

Downtime- Chapter 8

” Nick, you done yet?” Brian asked as he banged the bathroom door." Come on we’re late!" They were on their way to church for evenings service. The rest of his family had already gone to church while Brian waited for Nick to be done in the bathroom.


" In a sec," Nick announced with a strangle voice. He had a mild stomachache and it hadn’t helped much that he had devoured several plums hoping to get the wanted effect. It didn’t work at all.


" You’re ok?" Brian asked when he heard how pitiful Nick sounded.


" Mhm..go ahead and wait in the hallway. I’ll be soon done."


" Ok," With that Brian walked down the stairs. When Nick finally appeared they were very late and Brian thought that maybe it was no use to go to the service. When he saw Nick’s pale appearance he doubted that even more. " Man, you look like crap," he blurted out as Nick came down the stairs. " You sick or something?"


" No," Nick shook his head as a red blush appeared on his cheeks. " Just having..eh..a hard time." He was as red in his face like a overcooked lobster.


Catching what his friend was saying Brian laughed lightly, " Well come on then Mr Grunt," he slapped his arm around his friend. Giving him a bear hug.


" Knock it off." Nick blushed even more.


" You want mom to give you something so you can..you know..so you can go?" Brian was having a bit too much fun joking over Nick’s ordeal and he shook his head vigorously.


" Nah, I’m fine."


" Sure?"


" Yes!"


There were lots of people in church and they all greeted them as the two of them entered the scene. Brian was very well known in church activities and he had spent a lot of time with the church work when he was younger. Nick couldn’t help feeling a bit jealous when he saw how popular his friend was.


After sitting through a full evening mass Nick was so bored that he had trouble sitting still. Fidgeting, he tried to find a comfortable spot, but it was futile. Not a chance that he could get comfy on these hard benches. Yet he didn’t want to tell Brian how bored he was and instead spent time day dreaming.


He thought about the ocean and longed to be going out with the family boat down in the Florida Keys. The ocean made him always so calm and tranquil. It was the best way to spend downtime and as soon as he could he intended to ride on that boat. Swimming and fishing was other hobbies. His thoughts were interrupted by Brian elbowing him in his side.


“ Frack,” he said, “ Frack, it’s over. Get up.”


“ Huh? " He looked up a bit surprised. When did service end? With a swift hand he rubbed his face and then followed his friend out from church.


“ Gee man, I don’t blame you, but you could at least pretend that you’re listening,” Brian wheezed as soon as they were out in the fresh air.


“ What?”


“ You were spacing out all the time. Nick if you didn’t want to come you could have said so.” There was a mix with annoyance as well as hurt in Brian’s voice, which left Nick with a bad feeling. Church meant a lot to Brian and whenever he had the chance the Kentuckian went to the Sunday service, even when they were on tour. Nick had followed a few times, but ended up sleeping or dreaming away most of it. He didn’t want to act ungrateful, but it was that sitting still always made his skin crawl. He couldn’t help it.


“ M’ sorry,” he mumbled, looking down at the ground, stuffing his cold hands in the jacket pockets.


"S'okay," Brian smiled as he laid his arm around the teens shoulder, " I think that it sometimes can be rather boring too." He chuckled.


********************


The moment they entered the house Harold Jr. turned on the TV the annual Thanksgivings football game about to start. The men all sat down on the sofa, Brian in the middle with each Harold on each side and soon they were engrossed in the football game. This was tradition in the Littrell’s house. If there were one thing that united the family besides church activities it was sports. All but Brian’s mother.


"What is he doing? Harold Jr. yelled as the football player made a run for touchdown." Can’t he see that Knocks is available?"


" Look up!" Brian yelled, as he was as much into the game as the others. Nick on the other hand was not. The only sport that he liked to watch and play was B'ball. Seated on the armchair Nick felt a bit left out and as there was a touchdown for Kentucky they slapped each other backs while saluting with the beverage.


"Uh Brian.." he started, trying to get the other boys attention. " Do you remember when we sang that national anthem in Dallas when the Dallas Cowboys were.."


He got interrupted with a " Shhh Nick, not now."


"I just wanted to tell.." He opened his mouth again, just to be hushed down seconds later.


"I’m watching the game. Can’t it wait?"


" Ok," Nick sighed. Then he remembered when they were in Atlanta watching a football game and when he got an autograph from that famous football player, what was his name now? " He scratched himself in the head, desperately trying to remember what it was. Maybe Brian knew?


" Brian?"


" Mhmm.." Brian wasn’t really listening to what he was saying.


" Brian!" A bit louder Nick called out again. No use. He still wasn’t listening. " BRIAN!" This time Nick yelled his name and the young man jerked.


" What?" he said a more irritated than he intended to, not wanting to be disturbed as it was in the middle of the game and the suspense were killing them.


Fine! So Brian didn’t want to talk. A bit hurt Nick muttered, " Nothing."


"Ok." Brian was too much in the world of sports and not even an earthquake would have got him to make him listen right now. Football was football. The other two Littrells were just as interested. With a deep sigh Nick gave up any attempt for conversation and instead walked into the kitchen to see what Mrs Littrell was up to.


" Hello Nick," she greeted him as he entered the premises.


" Hi," Sulking the teen leaned against the kitchen counter watching as Jackie chopped some vegetables, preparing for a cheese tray.


"You’re not interested in the game?"


" Nah, not really." He shook his head.


" Then you might want to help me out here instead," she said as she rinsed off some peppers under running water.


" Sure." Nick wasn’t being very talkative.


She handed him the kitchen knife, " These green peppers need to be chopped. Can you do that?"


" Sure."


" Be careful, the knife is pretty sharp."


Rolling his eyes Nick grabbed the knife. What did she think he was? A kid? Being the oldest of 5 brothers and sisters he was use to helping out in the kitchen. There was no relaxing and kicking back when he was at home since there were always chores to be done.


“ I will be careful,” he said as he started to cut the vegetables in silence. It was relaxing, cutting vegetables, side by side with Brian’s mom.


When the peppers were done he asked, " You want me to do the cucumber too?" He motioned towards the other vegetables with the edge of the knife.


" Yes please." Jackie smiled towards the lanky teen. " You’re fast," she commented.


" Yeah.,..My dad used to run a restaurant." Nick said with a shrug. But he felt good inside that Jackie thought he was good at something. This was not something he was use to hearing from his background.


Jackie broke the silence, " Nick your mother called from Germany. While you were out with Brian earlier today."


" Mhm.." Nick continued to chop the tomatoes. Still in silence.


"I told her that she would call you back later on."


" Good."


Nick had pricked up his ears when he heard his mother being mentioned. From time to time he was feeling very homesick for her and being on the road all the time had left him with endless days of feeling blue.


" Maybe you should call her before you go to bed," Jackie urged as she watched him with searching eyes.


" Maybe." A cloud of sadness shadowed his face and she got the impression that there was something bothering her young guest. Being the warm and understanding mother she was she left the teen without asking too many questions about his life. If Nick wanted to talk he would talk. She didn’t want to press him, even if her intuition told her that something was not right. Instead she started to tell childhood memories about Brian and Harold and soon this had Nick laughing widely. Brian had been a kid that had been up to many different incidents.




He really did that?" Nick laughed as Jackie told the story where Brian was pretending to be Santa and then climbed down into chimney. Just to get stuck and when they finally got him out he was covered with ash, completely black.


" Yes, he was trying to impress on his smaller cousins." She chuckled as she put the vegetables on the small tray.


“ This is hilarious,” Nick giggled, thinking that he had so much to use on Brian now. In black mail purpose. He enjoyed every moment that occurred in the room. It was warm and homey standing here, working and talking to Brian’s mother.


"Wait, I think I have a photo of how he looked," Jackie stopped momentarily as she wiped her hands on the kitchen towel. " Hold on I’ll see if I can find it," and with that she was out of the kitchen. He could hear her rummaging through a cupboard in the living room and Brian’s desperate voice pleading her to drop the search was heard too.


"Mom! What are you doing? Noooo you’re not showing him THAT!"


" Hush, you were so cute," Jackie laughed as she picked up several photo albums and walked into the kitchen.


" Nooo, you’re going to bore Nick to death." Brian objected, but his mother didn’t listen at all. Turning to the waiting teen she said, " You wanna watch the game instead? In that case I won’t hold you up."


Nick shook his head. Truth was that he rather stayed here in the kitchen with Jackie then watched the football game. " No, here is fine."


" Good," Jackie smiled as she piled up several albums on the kitchen table. " Well let’s see where I have that photo." She started to turn pages, stopping momentarily to comment on a photo or two. " Look how cute he was," she cuddled as a nude pic of Brian, two year old turned up.


" Yeah very," Nick agreed with a grin. This was turning out to be a great time since he was hearing and learning more and more that he could use against his "brother" when they were pretending to fight.


" Hey Brian, he couldn’t help to comment to his friend, who was happily unknowing of the pics that his mother was showing Nick. " You didn’t have that appendix scar when you were two did you?" A laugh followed as he waited for the effect.


"No?" Brian said a bit puzzled, then he realized what pictures his mom was showing his friend and he yelled, " MOOOM, you’re not showing him THAT one. Not the one in the garden?"


" Yeeessss, she is." Nick teased and he got back a loud yell, " MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!"


" Brian, you were so cuuute and it’s not like Nicholas hasn’t seen you without clothes before." Jackie chuckled and laughing was heard from the living room.


Soon Brian’s desperate attempts to get his mom to change her mind was drowned in another touch down and the voices that followed where cheers that there team were winning.


“ This is Brian when he as three," she said as she set the photo album on the kitchen table.” Wasn’t he a cutie?” There was admiration in her voice.


“ Yeah he was,” Nick agreed as he looked at the smiling red head boy that sat on a swing in the back yard.


" And here he was eight and played an angel in the church play," She chuckled, " Brian was so mad because he thought he looked like a girl."


" Eh.,.well he does," Nick said frankly, biting his lip as he noticed what words he had uttered.


" Yes I know," Jackie smiled, then she said with a whisper, " But don’t tell him that." They both laughed and Brian’s mother continued to show him photos and telling stories, cheese tray soon forgotten.


Nick listened and smiled. This was great, sitting here listening to his friends mother telling the most funny stories.


Suddenly she grew serious and said with a whisper, " Brian were so sick here." As she turned the page there were a photo of Brian in a hospital bed, with all sorts of equipment stuck on him. " I hope that he never have to endure this again," she said as she slowly let out her breath. " We didn’t know if he would make it or not."


" I know," Nick went silent also for a while. Emotions washed over him as he pictured how frightened Brian’s parents most have been when they thought that they were going to loose their youngest son. His thoughts trailed off to his own family. Would they be as concerned for him if he ever experienced something like that?


His own upbringing hadn’t been all roses and he remembered when they barely had enough money to pay all the bills. His dad had own an restaurant when they lived in Buffalo. His childhood memories were mainly of him getting to auditions and practicing for different parts and roles. He had been in show business all his life.


" Ok, here it is," Jackie suddenly announced. " Here is the photo when Brian was acting like Santa." She showed him a pic where his friend was covered from head to toe in black ashes. Nick started to laugh hysterical. This one was priceless.


“ And this is Brian and Kevin when they went horse riding,” Jackie said as she turned the page. A bit surprised Nick looked at the photo. Kevin looked so young and he was smiling, looking very happy. This was a rare picture since the tall dark Kentuckian often was with drawn and he didn’t show that much happiness. He was more sullen.


“ This was Kevin’s father,” she pointed at a man in the background. With a sigh she continued, “ Kevin was so happy those days.” Her thoughts trailed away and Nick got the impression that she was a bit worried over how big of a burden Kevin was carrying on his back.


“ Dear,” Harold Sr called out from the living room, “ When are you coming with that tray?”


She jerked, “ Oh no I’m sitting here babbling, we better continue with the snacks.” With that she stood up again. Nick remained seated. He wanted to devour the nice feeling of sitting here talking with Jackie as long as possible. Never wanted the moment to stop.

Downtime - Chapter 9

Yawning Jackie stood up, stretching her arms “ Oh dear I´m really tired. I think I´m going to bed now.” She gathered the cups on the tray and then nudged her husband who snored soundly in the armchair, “ Harold?”


The older man stirred slightly but made no further movements. “ Harold,” she said a bit louder to get her husbands attention and this time it had results and he looked up a bit disoriented,


“ Wha..what is it?”


“ It´s late dear and you have been sleeping. Come on let´s go to bed,” she yanked at his arm, trying to get him up.


He muttered something, but the obeyed his wife and stood up, “ You´re right honey. I think I need some sleep.” Jackie chuckled and so did Brian who had stretched out his legs on the sofa, watching a suspenseful thriller.


“ I better head back home too,” Harry said, making no movement to get up.


“ I can make the bed in your old room if you want,” Jackie offered as she picked up the tray. She didn´t have to wait long before her oldest son responded, “ Ok.” Harry had his own apartment and she knew that he was dating girls on and off, but nothing serious since his long time girlfriend Ann. He worked daytime at the factory and also coached in football in the sparetime. With his good looks he was an attractive bachelor but Harry showed no interest in getting married. He often came down to the Littrells for dinner and when it was too late he was more than happy to spend the night over at his parents.


She smiled as she saw the affection that her two sons had for each other. Brian had always looked up to Harry and they were more friends than brothers, even if they were competetitors, especially when it came to sporting activites.


“ I will stay up and watch this movie to the end,” Brian informed as he stuck his hand in the popcorn bowl. " Goodnight, mom and dad." He was much too engrossed in the film to look up.


“ Ok, don´t stay up too long, you know it´s church tomorrow morning,” his mother said as picked up the tray. Harold Sr called out from the door opening, " Jackie, the boys are old enough to make their own descisions. Come lets go.”


Jackie chuckled, “ I´ll guess. I’m such a mother hen,” she mumbled as she said goodnight to her sons and walked out into the hallway. She stopped as she saw their young guest was sitting in the stairway, holding the phone to his ear, waiting. The teen looked pale and tired and he had blue bags under his eyes from too little sleep.


Smiling, she whispered, “ How is it going Nickolas?”


“ Ok, I´m waiting to get connected to Germany,” Nick sighed. He was calling collect and the line was busy.


“ You need any help?” Jackie frowned as she studied the hunched up figure that looked like he was long overdo for bedtime.


“ Nah,” Nick shook his head, “ Ok I hold,” he said into the phone, holding his hand over the phone he said, “ Mom is at some pressconference and they have to find her.”


“ Aha, well I´m going to bed now.Goodnight Nickolas.”


“ Goodnight Mrs..I mean Jackie.” Nick smiled to the older woman as she said to him, “ You know if you need anything just give me a holler.”


“ Ok thanks.” With that he turned back to his phone and Mr and Mrs Littrell walked upstairs. He had waited more than ten minutes to get connected since the line was really busy and their were some problems. Not being the most patient person in the world he was more and more starting to get impatient and he had been on the verge of hanging up several times, but stopped himself at the last second.


A strange feeling in the stomach made him think that it could be from nerveousness for talking to his mother. His thoughts were interrupted when a woman said on the other line “ Jane.”


“ Mom?” Nick felt his heart turn warm from hearing his mother’s voice and his eyes started to burn.It had been so long since he had met her, or at least it felt like that and hearing her soft voice made his emotions go all haywire. " Mom," he repeated again.


“ Nick? Oh baby is that you?” There was happiness in her voice.


“ Yeah mom,” he coughed a couple of times, trying to clear his voice.Then he said, “ Jackie said that you called earlier and that you wanted me to call back." It was strange talking to his mom from so far of a distance and his stomach made flip flops.


“ Yes baby I did,” there were some sound in the background and he could hear her mother say something to someone. She disapperaed for a short while.


“ Mom? You´re there?”


“ Ye..yes..I´m sorry honey but things are a bit busy here right now. Aaron is doing a pressconference and Bob is at the hotel with the girls since Angel is coming down with the flu. Aaron has a concert tonight and tomorrow we have a Thanksgiving party and...” She was talking nonstop. All Nick got to say was filling in the words Ok and sounds good.


“ Hold on for a while, I´ll be right back” Jane was gone again and Nick had to wait before she was back again. When she finally returned she sounded forced.


“ Listen honey, I´ve gotta go. Johnny wants me to help out with tomorrows promotion party with the food and all and there are going to be so many people here, Nick you should be here, there are very important people and...yes..I´m coming”, she called to someone in the back. “ God you might think that they can do without me for a second.” She chuckled as she continued, “ Nick how are you doing honey?” He could hear that she was talking to someone again and when he talked he wasn´t sure that she listened to what he said.


“ Fine. The flight went just fine and Mr and Mrs Littrell are really nice and tomorrow we are going to..” He was cut off by his mothers busy voice.


“ That is great sweety. Listen I have to go now. I´ll call you later. Kiss, kiss. Daddy and Aaron and your sisters send their love too.”


“ Mom I love you too,” Nick shouted in the phone, but too late she was already gone. Sitting with the phone in his hand he whispered, “ Happy Thanksgiving Mom” before he hung up.


She had talked so fast that he had barely registered their conversation, at least he had picked up that they had a busy schedule. When he had heard that they were having a Thanksgivings party his heart ached. Oh how he wanted to be with his family. Another thing that hurt him was that she didn´t seem to be interested at all in how he was doing. All she had done was chatter about how busy she was. He had been waiting for a total of fifteen minutes for a 3 minutes one way conversation.


Tears were threatning to spill over and he wiped them away quickly with the back of his hand. He didn´t feel like going back in to the livingroom, watching TV so instead he opted for bed. Not wanting to disturb his friends, but mainly afraid that Brian would see how upset he was he went up the stairs without saying goodnight. When he passed the bathroom the door opened and Jackie came out, carrying a pile of linnen in her arms.


“ Haro..oh is it you Nick,” she said a bit startled when she saw Nick hurry towards the bedroom, shoulders hunched down. There were something in his body language that said to her that everything wasn´t allright and she called out, " What did your mother say?"


Nick shrugged, not saying anything, afraid that his voice would break. Instead he hurried his pace and threw himself down on bed, face in the pillow. This action had Jackie a bit concerned and she walked in after him. Sitting down on his bed she whispered, " Nick?"


He said nothing, still face down in the pillow.


“ What is it?” Her voice were soft and warm and at this moment this was all it took for him to start crying. It was like well opened up and soon his body shivered as he sobbed into the pillow, all wet.


“ Honey what has happend?” She stroked his back in long smooth moves, trying to calm down the crying teenager.


“ I do..don´t think th..that mo.mom cares for me,” he sobbed with a muffled voice, not looking up.


" Oh Honey," She stroked his hair, not saying anything more as she let the young boy continue;


" No..she..she doesn´t care." He was hiccuping, trying to get the bearing into his voice. It was hard since spit and snot ran down his throat, making it hard to breathe.


" Yes she does. It´s just that your mom is busy right now with Aaron in Europe." She was doing her best to comforting the teen, but he was much too upset to take in her words. He shook his head. " But she does. Don´t you ever think something else, Nickolas."


He looked up with tearfilled eyes, " You think so?" he whispered.


" Yes honey I know that," She smiled towards him as she wiped away the strands that had slicked on his face, " I promise."


A hiccup then, " Promise?" There was hope in his voice.


" Yes," she nodded, " You´re tired right now and you need to get some sleep." The teen in front of her was very tired and his face was streaked from tears and snot. She wanted to embrace him. He looked so lost.


" Yeah, I´ll guess you´re right," he mumbled as he yawned. " I´m pretty beat." He had stopped crying and had sat up in bed again.


" Nickolas," she said as she stood up, " Why don´t you make you´re self ready for bed and I will go and bring you some water and something to help you calm down."p>

He nodded.


With that she was out of the room. Nick took off his clothes and then ran into the bathroom, took a quick wizz and then brushed his teeth. All so he would be ready when she came back. He made it just in time and had just crawled under the bed spread when Jackie came into the room again, glass in her hand.


" That´s better," she sounded pleased and she sat down beside him again, handing him the glass of water. " Here honey," she gave him a small white pill, " It´s Tylenol and it helps you relax. It also helps you sleep better." She knew that this wasn´t entirly true, it was more like an placebo effect, but Nick needed something so he could calm down.


“ Thanks,” he croaked as he put the pill in his mouth mouth, gulping it down with some water. It felt so good the way the cold water ran down his throat since he was all sweaty after working himself up. He coughed and then laid down again.


Jackie remained seated by his side and she stroked his sweaty hair like his mother had done when he was younger. It seemed like a long time ago and nowdays it was mostly his dad who was traveling with him and he was never this comforting, not even when he was sick and felt bad.


Nick was pretty much used to taking care of himself, yet he needed lots of hugs and comfort and this was something that Mrs Littrell noticed. He was only a child, she thought with a frown. A child that had to grow up way too fast. He needed to be with his family, but where were they when he needed them the most? She couldn´t help to feel a hint of concern when she thought about the long road that Nick had in front of him. She knew that he was a strong person, he had it in him to make success, yet his emotional side made him very vulnerable.


Nick was charismatic, yet she didn´t know if he had the inner strength that came from a safe up bringing. There had been endless nights when she had been up, worried that something would happend to her sons, especially Brian. Yet there were a big difference between Nick and Brian. Brian had a grounding security, which had him standing with both feet on the ground. He had his faith in God.


“ Jackie?”


Her thoughts were interupted from the teen and she turned towards him, “ Yes?”

“ Thank you for being here for me,” He mumbled as he looked down, blushing slightly. She could feel her own eyes watering.


“ Nickolas, I will always be here for you,” she said with sincerity, surprised over the words she had uttered. She gave him a warm hug. “ Now try to get some sleep.You will need it since we have to get up early to go to church.


" Ok," Nick mumbled as he laid down again, snuggling further under the beadspread, " Jackie?"


" Yes?"


“ Do you think that mom is mad at me?” Nicks thoughts were instantly turned towards his family and he had trouble laying still. He sat up on his elbows.


“ Mad? Why would she be that?” she asked, a bit surprised over the comment that the teen had dropped.


“ I mean she is..she is mostly with Aaron you know..touring and stuff, you know. Maybe she is upset beacuse I´m not going solo or something, you know." Nick looked up with honesty in his eyes.


" No Nickolas she is not mad at you," she said calmly as she stroked his hair, repeatedly." Nick, your mother loves you very, very much and she is not upset with you."


" If that is true, how come that they don´t want to spend Thanksgiving with me?" There was hurt in his voice. The words hit Jackie in her heart.


" Honey," she said softly, " Your parents would more than everything in the world want to spend Thanksgiving with you. If they got the opportunity."


" Yeah right, in that case they would jump on a plane," Nick muttered more to himself.


" You need to try and get some sleep and you´ll see that things will look better in the morning." She wiped away his sweaty bangs from his eyes.


" Ok," With that he laid down again, after a brief silence he called out for her again, " Jackie?"


" Shhhh, try and relax," she murmured soothingly as she continued stroking his hair, " Close your eyes."


" Mhmmm." He did as she said and soon she could see that his tensed body was more and more starting to relax and soon his breath was coming in long, even breathes. Indicating that Nick was sleeping soundly. Smiling she looked at the sleeping figure and before she left the room she bent down and gave him a small kiss on his forehead, " Goodnight Nickolas. Sweet dreams," she whispered before closing the door to the room.

Downtime - Chapter 10
It was dark, pitch dark and Nick was laying in something that looked like a coffin. The walls closing in on him, made it hard to breath. There was no air and it felt like he would suffocate. It was like the coffin was sucking up all oxygen and he panted as there was a strange feeling in his chest and stomach. Suddenly he could feel the coffin getting moved and the rocking made him feel carsick. Next thing he knew there were lots of people surrounding him and someone opened the lid of the coffin so he could breath.


Looking up he noticed that he was in a big and bright room and he noticed that he was in a church. People were dressed in black and they cried. He recognized it as a funeral and as more clues fell into place it dawned on him.


It was his funeral!


They were all there; His mom, his dad, sisters and Aaron. Brian, Kevin, AJ and Howie were standing by his side carrying red roses. His friends and relatives and several fans had come to say a last goodbye too. He tried to move to show them that he was not dead. That it was a mistake, his hands were strapped to the sides of the coffin and no matter how he tried he couldn’t get up.


He tried to talk but it was like his voice wouldn’t co-operate. ”Mom," he tried to yell,”Mom, I’m here. I’m not dead. I’m alive. It’s all a mistake!" No matter how hard he tried to get her attention she would still stare at him with an empty look in her eyes. It was like she was seeing through him and she didn’t seem to recognize him at all.

He tried to blink with his eyes and when he did this a soft female voice, belonging to Brian’s mom uttered, I saw it. He is alive!"


' Thank God,' Nick thought, 'now they can rescue me.' As he thought they were going to take away his straps and help him up he heard his own mother say, " No! That is NOT Nickolas. That is a ghost. Our Nicky is dead." With that she raised a long black wooden pole and placed it on his stomach. Turning to his father she said, " Bob, take the hammer and let’s stick the pole right through his stomach, but hurry up we have a plane to catch."


" NOOOO,NOOOO MOOOOM!!" Nick yelled as he felt the pole being hammered through his stomach, " I’m not dead, I’m aaaaliiiiveeee."


”She cannot hear you," a hoarse voice whispered in his ear. ”She never listens to you." An evil laughter was heard,”You’re such a failure Nicky, a failure"


" NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!" He screamed as the pain from the pole became unbearable, ripping through his whole stomach.


And with that he woke up!


Drenched in sweat, T-shirt plastered on his back he opened his eyes, staring into the dark room. Where did all the people go? His mom and dad? As he glanced around in the room, feeling the sweat stung his eyes it slowly dawned on him that it was a nightmare. There was no funeral and he was very much alive. His hurting stomach was a testament to that. It had all been so real. The pain in his stomach had him lifting his T-shirt a bit confused. Did he have a pole though his body? Relieved that there was no mark of such an incident he decided that his brain was playing tricks on him.


As he felt on his stomach he noticed that it was very painful and he winced at the pressure the slightest touch caused. Shaking his head he tried to clear his vision. It was still dark outside and he estimated the time to be early dawn. Brian was snoring soundly on the other bed and he was afraid that he would wake his friend up.


Another piercing pain was felt in the stomach and he moaned quietly as he wrapped his arms around his midsection. The pain was almost as bad as yesterday when he was playing B'ball. A strange full feeling filled his stomach and it also had him a bit bloated and queasy. His first instinct was, ' Great Carter, now you gone and done it again. Catching another bug, but then who would expect something else being Downtime and all.'


Crawling into a ball, he tried to find some comfort as he waited for the worst attack to pass. It was coming in waves and instinct he drew up his knees towards his stomach. The pain subsided somewhat when he did that and it was replaced with a feeling that he could do with a bathroom visit. With a groan he tried to sit up, but as he did so the white hot pain was at him again, gripping his intestines. He sank back on the bed again. Tears in his eyes.


" Shit! It hurts," he mumbled as he rolled back and forth on the bed. A stirring from the other side told him that Brian was about to wake up and he bit his lip to keep from moaning out loud. When the pain was too bad he thought about waking up his friend but then decided against it since it would only mean that Brian’s mom and dad would wake up and he didn’t want to cause any more trouble then he already had done.

Pressing his hands to his stomach he tried to get some comfort. He groaned from relief when he could feel the pain lessen after a while. Maybe this was the end of it. He hoped so since it would not be a fun way to spend Thanksgiving feeling like this. Especially not since the day had a full schedule and he had to endure both a church service as well as a family dinner. It was out of the question to tell the Littrell`s that he was feeling sick. They had been so nice to him and he didn’t want to ruin their day. Besides this was a problem that was too embarrassing to talk about and he felt stupid telling them he had a stomach ache. It was better to keep those things to him and hope that it got better instead of worse.


With that in mind he closed his eyes, waiting for the attack to go away. Willing to get better, like he had done so many times when he was on the road. The mental willpower was strong!


He must have fallen asleep because he woke up by Brian’s desperate voice, " Crap, what time is it? We’re late!!" He could hear Brian rushing around in his room, looking for clothes to wear and before he knew it he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Nick come on. Get up, we’re late. We have to eat breakfast and then go to church."

Nick groaned inwardly. There it was again. Church. This was not his idea of spending Thanks giving. Usually that holiday in his own household meant that his grandma and grandpa came down from New York to spend time with them and after sleeping in late they usually went out with the boat or something like that. And after that it was dinnertime with lots of turkey.

The mere thought of food made his stomach go into spin and he had to hold back a moan from not worrying Brian any further. It didn’t help much since his friend peered down at him, a frown etched on his forehead.

"You ok?"

"Yeah." He cleared his voice a little. "Why wouldn’t I be?"

"I don’t know." Brian shrugged. "You just looked a little peaked, that’s all."

"It’s nothing." Nick did his best to smile back at him. "I’ll guess I’m not used to getting up this early. Usually we sleep in on Thanks giving."

"Oh Ok." Brian looked like he didn’t believe him, but didn’t press any further either. "Well you gotta hurry since mom has probably made breakfast already and she doesn’t like it when we’re late downstairs."

"'k." With that Nick sat up in bed, carefully, not wanting to disturb the pain in his stomach. To his relief he noticed that it was nothing but a dull ache and he was sure that he could handle it.

***********************************************************************

”Nick. Is it sure that you don’t want to have another piece of the omelette," Jackie asked as they were sitting at the breakfast table. She placed another slice on both of her own son’s plates.


" No thank you Mrs Littrell" Nick mumbled politely." I’m full."

“Jackie it is,” the older woman said with a frown and then she smiled back at him. “That’s ok just let me know if there is something more you want.”

Nick nodded and then to his utter embarrassment he burped. It was not a big one but it left him blushing. “Sorry,” he mumbled while covering his mouth. His stomach had been acting up again even though it was nothing like the pain he had experienced last night. No this was more like a bloated feeling. Chewing over and over he dreaded to swallow his food down. The omelette seemed stuck in his throat and taking a gulp of milk he hoped to wash the nasty feeling down. When that didn’t help he rubbed his stomach under the table, careful not to let anyone see what discomfort he was going through. His stomach felt tender to the touch and it reminded him more and more of upcoming stomach flu. He prayed that it was not the case.


" Mom, this is great," Brian murmured as he scarfed down his food with great appetite

”Yes it is," Brian’s dad, agreed and then passed the breadbasket towards Nicks side,”Here. You should try them son. These are really good. Mom made them" He looked lovingly at his wife.


Not wanting to turn the roll down that Jackie had made Nick accepted one, despite his stomachs wild protests. Taking a bite he did his best to shut his nostrils from the smell of food and he swallowed hard when the nausea made itself present again. His stomach growled loudly and it was not from hunger. Instead it was a warning sign that he better go to the bathroom before he left for church. With that in mind he put his roll down and was about to leave to go to the bathroom when Mr Littrell looked at this watch.

“We´re getting late,” he boomed. “You have to hurry up boys since we can’t be late for the sermon. Especially not when my son,” he smiled towards Brian, “is going to sing.” With a bit of envy Nick could see how proud Harald was over his son and he desperately wished that he once in a while could spot the same look in his own parent’s eyes. His thoughts were interrupted when Brian asked him.

“Where you heading?”

“What? Uh?” Nick blinked several times then he said, “Eh..Never mind it can wait.” . There were no way that he had anytime for a break before they left and he decided that he might as well go when they arrived at church. After all he had plenty of time for privacy there and church had never been high on Nick’s list. Sermons and services of all kinds bored him to death.


Noticing Nick’s strange behaviour Jackie made a mental note to keep an extra eye on their guest. The teen was pale, much too pale from liking. He was also very quiet this morning and not the boy that used to giggle and joke around with her Brian all the time. ”Did you sleep well, Nick?" she asked, mainly to make small talk but also to judge if anything could be wrong. When all that she got back was a small nod, she knew that something was not right. Her mother instinct kicked in as she noticed that Nick’s hand trailed down at his stomach every so often and if she hadn’t been so busy with the Thanksgivings preparations she would have asked him about it. Now it would have to wait until after the dinner.


" Hey Frack," Brian said as they were riding the car on their way to church. He nudged Nick at his side," Dude you sure are quiet today." Is something wrong?"


”Nah, just feeling a bit low you know. That’s all," Nick lied while looking out through the window. The small town had really come to life this chilly Thanksgivings morning. He watched as families passed by, no doubt on their way to church.


”Is it your parents?" Brian pressed on.


Nick shook his head, ”Nah, it’s the winter. I don’t like that time of year. I’m more of a summer person, you know. Likes beaches and stuff." He knew that it was a lame excuse but it was all he could think of at this moment.


”Yeah I know," Brian chuckled. “You and water,” He turned to his parents. “Nick here is more fish than a human.”

“Is that right?” Mr Littrell chuckled from the driver seat.

“Eh..sort off.” Nick blushed. “I like going out with the boat.”

“You have a big boat?” Harry asked.

“Nah not really. But its ok for us I’ll guess.” Nick didn’t feel very talkative this morning.

Noticing this Brian cut in, “It will be fun going over to Kevin’s. Now you get to meet my crazy relatives."


"Yeah very fun," Harry muttered as he sat on the other side of Brian. Leaning over to Nick he whispered,”A good advice is to pretend that you’re listening when you’re thinking of something else." He grinned.


”It’s called spacing out and Nick is a champ in that,” Brian laughed as he ruffled the blond on his hair.


”I’m not." Nick giggled, for the first time since he woke up.


“Really,” Harry said. ”Your good at anything else?". Before Nick had a chance to open his mouth Brian answered, " Yeah drawing and..”

“Drawing?” Jackie asked. “You’re good at that?”

“A little.” Nick felt his cheeks go red.

“But what he really is a master pro is in..” .." Brian’s eyes gleamed towards the teen and without words Nick knew what would come. He tried desperately to cover his friend’s mouth to stop him from saying anything embarrassing.


”What Brian? What?" Harry urged his brother, suddenly showing much interest. Just like Brian he liked to tease, not a bad sort of tease just to get the other person a little annoyed.


"Brian!" Nick yelled out, fearing for what would come next.

But Brian just held Nick at his side and then blurted out “Burping!” Turning to the teen grinned like a cat that caught the bird. “What did you think I would say?” he teased.

This had Nick blushing as red as a fire truck and Harry laughed at his expression. After Brian had told a couple of stories about Nick making a fool of himself after drinking too much soda at a photo shoot and infront of a reporter Jackie was the one to cut it short.

" HARRY, BRIAN, That is not the way we talk, in this family.

"But mom," Brian objected, "You should have heard him. His real pro!"

"I don’t care," Jackie went on. "For now on you be good to each other and stop teasing all the time. Brian you’re a grown up and should act like one too." After her speech she gave them a good lecture about good manners.

Nick watched in silence but he couldn’t help to feel satisfied. Brian’s mom and dad were such great parents and there were times when he wished he could trade them with his own. It was so much love in this family, not like his own where everybody all the time was thinking about fame and money. At one time it hadn’t been like that. Way back before all this entertaining business talk had started they had been a real family. A family that cared for each other and were tight together. A family that he desperately longed for.

It was Harold that broke the situation when he said, “Today its Thanksgiving. A day when we are suppose to be grateful for what we have and that we have each other. Let’s leave it to that.” This had Brian and Harry quieting down,. Nick sat in silence wishing desperately that he was somewhere else. Usually that was not such a big deal, but today, feeling a bit under the weather and with his parents and family thousands of miles away, it bothered him. <


When they were about to park the car Brian turned to Nick, whispering, " Dude, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make fun of you. He gave Nick a short squeeze on the arm, " Hey man, you forgive me?"


Not being able to stay upset for too long, especially not at Brian, Nick nodded,”yeah I’m cool."


"Ok good," Brian’s face lit up,”Hey it’s going to be all right. Trust me," he said as he put his arm around Nick’s shoulder.


Nick hoped that Brian was right. That everything was going to be fine.

Downtime - Chapter 11

As soon as they entered the parking lot Brian leapt out of the car. He had to prepare for singing at the sermon and they were running a bit late already. Nick on the other hand dragged his feet along. He did not want to go to the mass still he had no options. To his demise he noticed that all kinds of people stopped and talked to the Littrell's and they seem to be friends with everyone.

Sticking his hands in his pocket Nick tagged along. When he was being introduced he smiled back at them and shook hands. He was being so polite that he bet his mom would be proud of him if she had seen him. She had always taught him to act nice since you never knew who the person standing in front of you was. Maybe one day it would pay back. What he didn’t like very much was that it was all business for his parents, not so much before though like it was these days.

Just when he thought he couldn’t take any more politeness he felt Jackie place an arm around his shoulder. “Nick it’s time to go inside. Come on.” She guided him gently towards the entrance. With a nod he followed.. The muscle he was certain he pulled yesterday in his side made him walk a bit hunched and Brian’s mom took notice of this at once.

“You feeling all right?” she asked.

“Yes.” He looked up to be met with Mrs Littrell’s concerned eyes.

“You sure Nickolas? It looks like you are in a bit of pain. Is your stomach bothering you today?

It would have been so easy to say a yes but instead he shook his head. “No I’m fine.” Placing a small smile on his lips he went on, “Why do you think so?”

“You’re walking a bit hunched.” Her answer was short but her eyes were questioning his words.

“Oh.” He chuckled lightly in an attempt to reassure her that everything was just peachy. “It’s the muscle I pulled yesterday while playing Basketball with Brian. It’s acting up again.” He did his best to stand up straighter. To his relief Nick noticed that it didn’t hurt that much anymore. Maybe he was starting to get better and the impending stomach flu was on its rebound.

“If you say so.” She looked like she didn’t believe him, yet she didn’t press on any further either. With a swift hand she corrected the collar on his shirt and then said. “Come on then, let’s go inside the others are waiting.”

“Ok.” Nick followed close behind and sat down on a bench.

It didn’t take long for the church to be filled to the brim with people and since there were not enough seats some of them had to stand in the aisle. It was hot and stuffy and people were complaining that it was hard to breathe. The Littrell’s had been fortunate enough to get seating places in the front of the church.


Nick on the other hand wasn’t that lucky. He was cramped up between an overweight middle-aged woman and her fat son. On the other side sat Brian’s brother Harry who was chatting with a good looking young girl that he was dating on and off. Nick got to know her name as Lisa. This meant that he wasn’t paying Nick much attention. Brian was preparing to sing his first song.


Nick sighed. He was already bored and the service hadn’t even started. On top of everything the woman next to him was wearing heavy cologne, the same one as Donna Wright and he knew it was called Opium. The name did fit since it was hanging like a fog making it hard for him to breathe and also making him feel more and more queasy.


Her eight year old son, red-haired with freckles and a large hole where he lost a tooth, was constantly bugging him. Hitting him in his side and making all kinds of faces.


He wanted to hit that little rascal and if he hadn’t felt so off he would have showed that little creep who was in charge, much like he did with his own little brother. But now they were in church and even Nick knew that such a thing wouldn’t be appropriate.

The intro to the first song was played and soon Brian’s clear voice filled the church. Looking at his side he saw that Mrs Littrell had closed her eyes, enjoying every moment. Even Mr Littrell seemed happy and Nick felt a pang of jealousy. Whenever he preformed his mother and father often sat and criticized him, not with words but by looks and that made him feel jumpy and nervous. His mother wanted it all to be perfect and there was more than one time that she bashed him for making a mistake. If she only knew that her way of acting made him mess up. As the song toned down Nick felt more and more restless.


If this was just in the beginning how would the rest be? He didn’t even dare to think that thought out loud.


Shifting in his seat, very uncomfortable, caused him to irritate the little creep by his side. Before he knew it the kid hit him in his side and had to bite his lip to keep from crying out loud. Glaring at the grinning youngster he balled his fist and wheezed that the little prick was going to get it. But the pain in the butt didn’t seem too scared. Fidgeting once more Nick started to glance at the clock. Time was dragging on awfully slow and he who had a hard time sitting still for longer period of times.


Bouncing his leg up and down he made the woman lean over to him saying in a snotty tone, ”Young man, can you kindly sit still and stop bouncing around?"


He was on the verge of telling her off when he stopped himself and instead stared at her, just to return back to the bouncing moments later. He just couldn’t help it. There was no way he could sit still, besides he needed more and more to look up a bathroom. Glancing at the back he saw that the church was packed and there was no way that he could make it to the back without stirring up the whole audience.


With a sigh he decided that he better hold on, for what it was worth. The minister, giving the sermon was preaching about the topic of families. He talked about how thankful they all should be that they had families that cared for them and the more he preached the sadder Nick felt. His thoughts were travelling back to his own situation and his family in Europe. If they really loved him why didn’t they invite him to come with them to Germany? His stomach ached more and more and he thought about how much he missed them.


Suddenly the stomach ache was back again and he bent over, trying to lessen it. Now was no time to get sick and he rubbed his stomach up and down trying to sooth the pain.


Just like Brian did, Harry most have sensed that something was wrong since he leaned towards Nick’s side, whispering,” You ok?"

Nick mentally debated whether or not he should say anything, but after catching a quick glance at Mrs Littrell he decided that Harry would probably talk to her and he didn’t want to be a nuisance so instead he kept his mouth shut.


”It’s nothing," he mumbled, shaking his head. His stomach churned over and over again and he tried desperately to wait for the stomach cramp to lessen. And soon he was feeling better again, sitting up straighter he got a curious look from Harry,”You need to get out Nick?" he asked, with a smile in the corner of his lips.


”No!" Nick shook his head as he felt his face turned red. Nothing more was said as it was time for a psalm. This pain was starting to get on his nerve and he caught himself wishing that whatever was causing his system to act up would make itself known so it would be over with. Sometimes it was better if the sickness decided to erupt then having to deal with feeling crummy all the time. But he decided that if this stomach ache continued he would seriously ask Brian’s mom for something to ease the pain.. Embarrassment forgotten.


He didn’t have time to think the thought out as he felt a pinch in his side. ”Stop that!" he wheezed to the little shit, silently wishing that he could kick the kid’s ass out of the bench. The kid didn’t listen to him and instead leaned over him, making his stomach cramp up even more,”Where is your family? Don’t you have one?" he asked nosy.



”None of your business," he sneered back, hoping that the kid would leave him alone. No such thing happened and instead the kid leaned even further saying to him in an evil tone,”I’ll bet that your mom thinks that your butt ugly and she don’t want to have you."


This last comment triggered something inside Nick and he bit his lip. Generally eight year old kids did nothing to upset him and he usually just showed the kid who was in charge. But being emotional tired and in pain the situation was becoming more and more unbearable. He was feeling sicker by the minute and in a weak moment he hit kid in his side. Not hard. Just to make a point.


This set off an unwanted reaction. The kid started to bawl, high and loud and everybody’s eyes turned to the corner where Nick sat. Hushing them down since the minister was talking again. The kid turned towards his mom, whining loudly, " Mom, Mom, that nasty boy HIT me!" He pointed towards Nick who wanted to sink through the ground.


Nicks face turned red from embarrassment and he could see now Mr and Mrs Littrell turned at his direction. Sinking further down in the bench he wished that he would disappear, turn invisible. But his thoughts were soon interrupted by the woman saying with distaste,”What gives you the right to hurt MY baby boy?" She was soothing her son, by holding her arms protectively around him, whispering that everything would be fine. At the same time she managed to stare at Nick with cold eyes.


"I did not, I did not hurt your son," Nick mumbled, trying to defend himself. In the corner of his eye he could see that Harry was watching the scene with amusement.


”Yes you did," the boy started to whine again. ”He did, he really did. Look mom!" the boy lifted his shirt just to reveal a pale stomach that made Nick think of those pale white dumplings that he got one time in Germany. He couldn’t help but grin, despite the seriousness of the situation.


The woman caught this instantly and she said to him,”Are you laughing at this? At hurting my Stillwell?"


This was it!


Stillwell, the boys name was Stillwell? Nick could feel the giggling bubbles boil up within him. He swallowed hard, to no avail. The laughter hit him hard and as the boy moaned the more he wanted to laugh. He was suppressing the giggles so much, swallowing it down and as the boy, Stillwell, wailed, " Ooo Mommy it hurts so much!" he just knew that he couldn’t take it any longer.


He had to get out of there or he would embarrass them all. He stood up fast as the laughter was threatening to split him in half and he ran towards the entrance, hand covering his mouth. They probably thought he was sick, but he didn’t care. He had to get out! Fast!


The moment he hit the fresh air he started to laugh. Giggles erupted from him and he laughed so hard that he thought he would wet his pants. It wouldn’t surprise him if it was heard into the church and he felt bad for acting this way. But he couldn’t help it. When the worst of laughter had died down he panted for hair, hands on his knees. His stomach ached again, but it was more from the laughing fit then from being sick.


”Nick? Nick? Are you feeling sick?" Jackie’s voice was heard as she came out from church.


Panting he tried to get his bearing back, and as he did so he mumbled,”No. No I’m fine." He could feel her hand on his back, no doubt concern that he was feeling bad again. Not having the guts to tell her that he had another of his famous laughing attacks that everyone in the band disliked so much. He murmured,”It. It was just too stuffy."


”I know," there was compassion in her voice, yet Nick could tell something more too. Looking up he saw that she had a smile in her eyes as she played along with him,”You are probably tired. Sit down and rest here for a while and then come back when you feel like it," she motioned towards a bench under a tree.


He nodded.


If she knew the real reason for his departure she showed to sign of it and she didn’t scold him either. As she led him over to the bench she said,”I am going back inside for a while."


Nick looked up, suddenly feeling ashamed of his behaviour. ”I´m...I´m soar...sorry," he stuttered.


”For what? For feeling sick?" Jackie said with pretend surprise,”Nonsense. I tell whoever asks that you are suffering from a cold." She stopped to look at him, ”Because Nickolas you’re not feeling one hundred percent are you?"


”Uh?" He didn’t know what to answer.


”I’ve seen you rubbing your stomach. Do you feel discomfort?" she was frank with her words.


" Eh..uh..eh..A bit," Nick felt embarrassed as she said with a warm smile,”When we get to Ann’s I will see if I find something for you to take so that your stomach will be better again."


Nick blushed as he stuttered, " Tha..thanks."


"Now sit down and rest and come in when you feel like it, Ok?" And with that she left.


As soon as he was alone he pulled his jacket tighter to his body.It was cold, yet so much better to stay outside since he didn’t have to deal with anyone but himself. He noticed for the first time how quiet it was and all that was heard was birds singing. It had been along time since he had been alone and he closed his eyes, devouring the situation.


The past days emotional ups and downs had became too much for him and now he needed time to melt it down. Maybe it was his emotions going haywire that made his stomach ache. Kevin used to say that bottled up emotions could make a person ill. Maybe he was right. Maybe it was that bothering him.


”Hey," someone called out. ”Is this place taken?"


A bit startled he opened his eyes, just to be met with a pair of blue eyes looking back at him. They belonged to a pretty blonde girl about his age. She was dressed in a short black skirt and a black short jacket. Her hair was in a pony tail and the first impression he got was that this girl liked sports.


”I don’t see anyone here," he mumbled, making no further moves to invite her to sit down. In fact he tried to look as uninterested as possible. This was just a charade since his heart was pounding like a drum. Girls always made Nick feel nervous and she was no exception. His hands went all clammy and when he opened his mouth he usually said some stupid comment. Oh how he longed to be like AJ, talking and be sociable with everyone.


She smiled as she sat down,”Well there is one now." Nick couldn’t help but look at her. She was a bit pushy and he noticed that she was very attractive with a catching smile. His teenage hormones raged and he decided to be a bit more talkative. It wasn’t everyday that a girl like this spoke to him.


”I’m Julie," she said as she stretched out her hand. A bit startled he took it, having no time to answer before she continued,”And your Nick, right?"


”Yes?" How did she know about him? ”We met before?” He looked at her a bit puzzled.


”No but my big brother is Brian’s best friend, Tom." As the word best friend was being mentioned there was a pang of pain in his stomach. Not from sickness but from jealousy


This explained everything. Brian had probably asked her to talk with him so he wouldn’t feel so lonely, but then how would his pal know that he was going to be outside of the church. It didn’t make much sense to him. But one thing he knew. He didn’t like this Tom character very much. What was it with this guy? His name seemed to be everywhere and judging from that Tom was a very popular guy. He even was the captain of the football team at high school and Nick knew that he both played football as well as basketball and that he was really good at sports. When Brian talked there was admiration in his voice and Nick felt really jealous.


Stuffing his hands in his pocket, he muttered,”It’s cold out here. You should get inside."


”So should you," she commented,” By the way what are you doing out here?" She looked at him curiously.


”I eh...I...It was too stuffy in there." ”Really?" she had laughter in her eyes,”I thought that little creep...Stillwell was bugging you?"


Upon hearing the name again Nick felt like he was going to have another laughing attack. He must be really tired when he was laughing at such a silly name. He giggled, holding his hand over his mouth.


She laughed too. ”Yeah I know he has such a funny name." They giggled for a while, side by side and even though she was Toms little sister Nick started to think that she was pretty cool for being a girl.


”So do you sing like Brian?" she asked after a while.


He nodded,”Yeah."


”In that group Backstreet something?"


”Backstreet Boys," Nick corrected her,”Yeah and we tour all over the world. Mostly Germany and Europe."


”How cool, then you get to see pretty much everything right?"


”No," he shook his head,”We mostly get to see the bus and then the venue." He kicked with his foot at a stone, as he talked.


”Sounds kind of boring," she said frankly and he looked up a bit surprised. Usually the girls got all crazy when he talked to them but not this girl, no. She didn’t even look impressed.


He liked her more and more.

”Yeah I’ll guess it can be." Turning to her he said, " But enough of me. What do you do?"


”I go to High school and then I baby-sit on weekends. Kind of boring too," she said with a chuckle,”When I don’t play basketball that is."


That last sentence triggered something inside Nick and he turned his head towards her,”You play basketball?"


”Yeah," she nodded,” And I intend to get a college scholarship too. For basketball."


”Cool."


”Yeah, my dad wants me to be a doctor or nurse like him but I am doing no such thing. Instead I am going to major in Psychology and then play basketball."


”You sure have the road picked out," Nick said in amazement. He never met a girl that was this goal oriented before.


”Yup," she laughed as she ran her hand through her hair, "If you want something bad enough you’re going to get it,"


”That is what I think of singing too," Nick said and soon they started to talk. About their future. Nick found himself getting more and more infatuated with this girl. She was exciting and interesting and she could talk both B´ball as well as other stuff. After they had talked for a while she stood up.


”Well I better get going now." She motioned towards the door with her head,”You’re coming?"


Thinking back about that little creep inside he said,”Nah I’ll think I will pass."


”Ok." She went silent for a while before continuing,”Hey you wanna come with me to the basketball game on Saturday?"


”You’re playing?"


”Nah silly," she laughed." It’s a NBA game at the stadium. Hasn’t Brian told you about it? I’m sure that he and Tom would like to come?"


A basketball game? And Brian hadn’t said anything. A bit upset over the information, but still not wanting to reveal anything he said, " Eh..Sure...yeah I’m sure that Brian said something. Ok, I can go."


”Good, then we ask Tom and Brian too, right?" She looked at him and he nodded.


”Ok." Mentally he wanted to slap his face for not saying something more to her. Like asking her out on a date or go to the movies. He had to say something, anything, and was going to do it when she beat him to it.

”Eh...how long will you stay Nick? At Brian’s house?


”Until Tues... no wait Wednesday I think." Looking a bit puzzled he asked,”Why?"


”Eh...just wondering." She looked into the ground, shivering. Nick stood up too. It was starting to get cold and he should really get back in before he caught a cold above this stomach problem he had. That would be much too typical him.


“Ok.” ‘Real smooth Carter,’ he punished himself. ‘Way to go sounding like a stuttering fool’

While he was pondering why she would want to go out on a date with a nerd like him she took the charge again.

”You wanna go to the movies or something? Tomorrow night?”

His heart took a leap. She was asking him out, it wasn’t the opposite. Then it most means that she was a bit interested in him after all. He was about to say yes when he remembered something. He was supposed to do some stuff with Brian. “I can’t.”

Her eyes quickly lost their glow. “Oh.”

Feeling like a fool he stuttered. “I...I´ve got something to do with Brian tomorrow.”

“You are?” She looked sad.

“Mmmm.” He kicked a stone, cursing for sounding like a dumbass. He was sure that if AJ had heard him now he would laugh at him, calling him a wuss for not going on a date instead of hanging with Brian who he met every other day.

He was sure that she was about to leave when she said. “I thought that Brian was going to that party together with my brother, Tom. He didn’t say that he had changed his plans, did something happened?”

The party! Nick slapped his forehead with his hand. He’d forgotten all about it. “That’s right!” He mumbled. “I forgot all about that.”

She lit up again and this time Nick felt he had to take the courage to ask her out. “I’ll guess that means that I can go...That is if you want,” he added quickly.

“Sure.” She smiled widely at him and Nick felt all warm inside. This was some girl. Ok he had been out on dates before but never with someone as hot as she was.

“Maybe we can go out and eat pizza before,” he suggested, suddenly feeling the strength return.

“Yes that will be great.” He swallowed hard, searching for his words. “I ca..call you tomorrow then.”

“Sounds great.” She was starting to walk towards the entrance. “I’ll better get inside. It’s cold out here.”

“Ok.” Nick’s heart was pounding like crazy. He felt like he was floating on clouds. Just when she was about to walk inside he remembered that he didn’t know her phone number. Shit! “Hold on...Wait!!!”

“What?” She stopped on the front step, turning around. “Something’s the matter?”

“Eh huh...nah...it´s just.. That I don’t know your phone number.” He felt like a stuttering idiot!

“Oh.” She laughed briefly. “Ask Brian he’s got it. After all he and Tom used to be best buddies.” The words were not intended to hurt yet they felt deep inside of Nick. Best buddies! As far as he was concerned Brian had only one best buddy and that was him.

“See ya then,” she shouted before she opened the heavy door and went away out of view.

“Yeah later.” Nick smiled widely. This was turning out to be an even better Thanksgiving then he could ever had guessed…..

Downtime - Chapter 12

It was a whole different Nick that met up the Littrell´s when they came out from church. He was talking and giggling in that same old way that had become a trademark for the teen for as long as Brian had known him. The sickness that had accompanied his friend all morning seemed to have varnished. At first Brian had thought that the sermon did him good when he had heard about Nick’s sudden departure and how he had joined with Tom McKinley’s little sister. ‘Of course girls, as well as video games, were the only thing that would get Nick in a good mood,’ he thought while mentally slapping himself for not thinking of it at the first place.

Nick on the other hand said very little when Brian pressed him on while he had left the church so sudden. Instead he asked, “B do you have a Pizza Hut or something in this town?”

Frowning Brian didn’t know what to answer at first, “Yeah why?”

“Oh nothing.” Nick smiled smugly.

Brian felt curiosity spark up inside of him. “Aww come on Nicky...Tell me what have happened. Why do you want to know if we have a Pizza Hut?” He nudged on Nick’s arm in a playful gesture. “You’re not going on a date are you?”

“Yeah,” Brian’s brother teased him. “I’ve heard you were talking to Julie.”

“Julie McKinley? She is very pretty,” Brian commented with a smile. “She will be a good date for you.” He chuckled. “You lucky dwag.”

“No!” Nick looked at once offended and Brian couldn’t for his life figure out why the teen would act like that, not until he heard the teen mutter, “It’s not a date. We’re just going to hang around, eat pizza and see a movie, you know..”

Harold laughed while Brian said grinning widely. “Dude...I don’t know about you. But that sure sounds like a date!”

“It’s NOT a date!” Nick snapped only to receive a wild grin from both Brian and Harold. None of them seemed to want to back off. Instead they kept teasing him until Jackie came to the teens rescue again.

“Stop it boys! Leave poor Nickolas alone,” she scolded them. “You’re older and you should know better than tease him like that.”

Great full Nick smiled back at her. Brian’s mom was great and for a second he thought about asking if she could adopt him, but at that very same moment Mr Littrell announced that they would soon arrive at the Richardson’s and until then they better behave.

Nick felt more and more nervous. It didn’t help matters that he missed his own family very much, even though he was feeling more and more comfortable at Brian’s house. It felt strange to meet Brian and Kevin’s relatives, the ones that Brian had talked about so many times before and he was afraid that he would say something stupid and screw up the whole Thanksgiving Dinner. Fortunately the cramps that had plagued him on and off ever since he arrived at the Littrell´s seemed to have gone away and he was starting to think that maybe the sickness had all been because of his nerves. That he was nervous about meeting Brian’s family and all.

”Nick?” Brian looked a little irritated as he stuck his head inside the car door. “You’re coming or not?”

With a jerk Nick sat up, rubbing his eyes with his fist. . He’d been daydreaming again and they were already in the driveway. When had they arrived at the Richardson’s? “Uh?”

”Well?" there was annoyance in his friend’s voice and this startled him a bit.


" Ye..yeah." he cleared his voice, but made no attempt to get out of the car.


”Good," With that Brian withdrew his head and then walked towards the house, not bothering to wait up for him.


Nick felt bad. What did he do to upset his friend so much? Had he done anything wrong? As he was wracking his brain cells to figure that out a voice called out for his attention.


”Nick!"


" Huh?" he trudged towards Jackie who was busy unloading the car with two full boxes of food.


”Don’t pay attention to Brian," she said as she lifted a big box,” He is just a bit upset since you left during church. And he doesn’t like me scolding him either.” She chuckled.

”Oh!" Now Nick felt bad. That hadn’t been his intention to stir up feelings in his best friend. ”I’m sorry.” Why hadn’t he thought about that at the church and especially singing there had meant so much to Brian? He had acted so selfish and now he was paying the price. Their friendship would be destroyed. A grip of pain shot through his heart.


”Well don’t be," Mrs Littrell smiled warmly at him. “How’s that stomach of yours? Any better?”

“Ye...Yeah...It´s fine.” There was no sense in alarming anyone, especially now when all that was left was a dull ache and he felt all right again.

“You sure?” She looked at him with a frown.

“Yes..I´m fine. It’s going away anyway. I think maybe I’m just hungry or something.”

“Could be and there will be plenty to eat. That I can assure you” Smiling she looked like she didn’t believe him but let it go. “Just promise me one thing Nickolas; that if you start to feel worse again you let me know. Ok? You know while you’re staying with us we have the full responsibility for you and we don’t want something to happen or you go around feeling sick.”

“’k” Looking at Mrs Littrell who was struggling to pick up another box he added quickly,”Let me do that." Before she had a chance to object he tried to take one of the boxes away from her.

“No Nick. It’s too heavy for you. I’ll ask Harold to help me.” She tried to stop him but Nick’s stubbornness was too much.

“I’ll can manage. At home I use to help mom and dad all the time. Taking in groceries.”

He went for the heavier one and when Jackie saw that there was no way to stop the teen she pointed at the smaller box”No Nickolas take the other one instead. It’s easier to carry."


Not listening he went for the bigger one and he was breathing hard while lifting it up. " No..No..I..ca..can..man..manage." Jackie was right. The box was too heavy for him and he regretted his move when a searing pain shot through his stomach, wanting him to double up. Yet steeled himself and determined to avoid further embarrassment, by dropping the box on the ground, food scattering all over the place, he did his best to carry it inside the house.

”Are you sure that it’s not too heavy for you?" Jackie’s voice could be heard behind his back, upon noticing the young boy weaver underneath his burden. Desperately he wanted to admit that he had once again taken water over his head but instead he mumbled in a strangled voice that he could manage. She held the door open for him.

Quickly Nick rushed inside and placed the box on the kitchen counter. Once he put his burden down he noticed that the pain went away again and he quickly dismissed it for being a result of the muscle he pulled yesterday.

“Thank you so much Nick,” Jackie gushed towards him. “I really appreciate that.”

”Oh it’s nothing." he blushed slightly.

“Yes it is and don’t say that it was nothing.. it means a lot to me.” Jackie was being sincere and the teen was about to object when Kevin’s mom; Ann Richardson entered the room.

“There you are Nick.” She gave him a warm hug. Kevin’s mom was very huggable too, not as much as Brian’s, but she could make people feel comfortable in a nice way. A true hostess. “Welcome to our family.”

“Thanks Mrs Richardson.” Nick said politely. He knew how to brush up his manners in certain situations and using his special charm often came in handy as well as that famous Backstreet smile.

”Ann to you," the tall dark-haired woman smiled,” I’m so happy that you could come and celebrate Thanksgiving with us and our relatives."


”Ok Ann then,” Nick smiled back. ”He didn’t know what to say next. Attention had always been what Nick had sought for but when he got too much he got nervous. Kevin was the one that saved the situation. Dressed in a green wool sweater and wearing a tie his older friend looked very proper, yet had a relaxed smile on his face. The few days they had been at home had already done him good. “Brian told me that you might be in the kitchen.” He gave the teen a hug. “Welcome Nick.”

“Eh...Thanks Kev." His face lit up as he saw the older boy. Nick had always looked up to him, like to a big brother. Kevin was the one that he turned to when there were something he needed help with or he felt sick when Brian wasn’t around. Kevin and he often got into arguments with each other, mainly because of the high age difference. Still they had a very close connection, much tighter than anyone could have guessed. Kevin was the one that was often there for Nick, standing up against the management when he thought they treated their youngest member bad. He was the dad in the band, even if he sometimes played it out too much.


”How you been?” Kevin looked his friend over with searching eyes,”You seem a bit pale, you’re ok?"


”Yeah.” Nick nodded, blushing.

“Good. B told me that you got kind off “sick” at church.” He chuckled at his own joke. “Like I didn’t know what sickness you caught there Kaos. Heard you talked to Julie, Tom McKinley’s little sister.” He ruffled the blonde in his hair, "She is pretty nice, and don’t you think?" Kevin laughed.

God did everyone know about him meeting Julie? He blushed which made Kevin laugh even more. Kev laughing? He almost fell flat on his butt. Seeing his friend being this happy was not something that was common. Generally he was rather serious and working hard, that was something that they all had in common; working hard!

“I heard you got a hot date tomorrow evening too.”

Nick stared. Man, news sure travelled fast in this small town. “It’s not a date.”

“Whatever you call it little bro, but you gotta take it easy,” He grinned. “Don’t want you getting hooked up with a girl when we are touring and all.” Before he had a chance to object Kevin had moved on to another subject. “I know meeting girls can really get to your head but you could at least have tried staying at the sermon while Brian sang. You know how much church mean to him.” Now THAT was the Kevin he knew.

“I kn..Know and I´m..I´m sorry.” Nick stuttered his words. “It’s just..just that..that..It was so hot and stu..stuffy in there and it was all getting too..too much.”

“Yes,” Jackie filled in. “Nick haven’t been feeling really well lately.”

“Oh,” Ann shot in. “What’s the matter with him?”

Nick wanted to tell them he was fine and if there were one thing he disliked it was when they were talking over his head, like they were doing right now. Ignoring his futile attempt to tell them that he was feeling all right and that there were nothing to worry about Jackie told them that he had been having a stomach ache.

Kevin’s only respond to the information was short, “Like that was some kind of news!” Both Ann and Jackie shot him a glance and quickly his friend changed subject.

”Come on Nicky, I’ll introduce you to all of my uncles and aunts, and cousins. Such a fun event." The last sentence was said with sarcasm. He noticed Ann gave her son a displeased eye and he quickly he changed his words. “It’ll be fun, you see.” With that he placed his hand on Nick’s shoulder and guided him towards the living room.

Brian hadn’t been kidding when he had told him that the Littrells and the Richardson’s had lots of relatives. As he followed his older friend into the living room he started to regret this more and more. Brian was laughing and talking with his cousins and he barely gave him the eye as he walked past. Kevin introduced him to several aunts and uncles and Nick took them all in hand, being the polite and neat boy that he could be when the occasion called for that. After talking to close to 30 people, it felt like all the names swirled around his head and the room felt suddenly stuffy. His head ached and he needed something to drink.


Leaving the two cousins he walked over to a table where there were soda and candy. After getting a glass he tasted the candy. Even if his senses told him that eating something might not be one of his best moves, he started to chew on the candy. After all it gave him something to do. Leaning against the wall he looked over the crowed. Several family members had come to celebrate and they all seemed to enjoy themselves.


The stomach ache that had accompanied him for the last days was still hanging there and he could swear that it was starting to become more frequent. Maybe he should go and ask Mrs Littrell if she could help him out and if they had any Pepto Bismol. Stuff like that usually helped when you had a stomach upset. Catching a glance he saw that Brian’s mother was pre-occupied with setting the table and he didn’t want to bother her. Asking Ann was also out off the question. He didn’t know her well enough and therefore didn’t want to be a nuisance.

Just when he was sure that they had all forgot about him Brian came up to him. “Yeah I thought I would find you by the candy.” He smiled at him.

" Mhm.." Nick chewed on. Not really hungry, more since he didn’t know what to do. He always ate when he was bored or felt unsure. A bad habit that management wanted him to shake so that he wouldn’t become fat. What a joke, Nick thought. He was anything but fat, more likely skinny. Looking like every other teenage boy.


“Just don’t eat too much,” Brian said. “There will be plenty of food and getting full of candy is no use, besides there will be snacks and stuff later.”

“Ok,” Nick nodded while ripping off the paper on the home made candy and stuffing another piece in his mouth. Food wasn’t high on his list yet he couldn’t stop eating the sweets. Once the dinner was served Nick looked over all the dishes that had been put on the long table and all could feel was disgusted. His stomach churned at the thought of eating anything. Cold sweat broke out on his forehead. Not being hungry was a safe sign that something was off with him and now he was almost certain that he had become a victim to a bout of stomach flu.


‘Couldn’t have come better, ' Nick thought miserable as he sat down his almost empty plate besides Brian at the "youths" table. He had no appetite at all and the candy that he had eaten earlier bounced around in a threatening way. When he pushed the mash potatoes around in the gravy he caught the oldest member’s attention.


”Is that all you going to eat Kaos?" Kevin said as he took a bite from the bread.


Shrugging Nick mumbled,”Yes."


”Is something wrong?"


”No, I’m not really that hungry," he mumbled, staring down at the plate in front of him. His stomach ached again and the nauseous feeling he felt in the back of the throat was flaring up again. God, how he hated this. Hated being sick.


”Not hungry?" there were a frown on the older staring Kentuckian as he looked at Nick,”You usually eat everything, right Brian."


”Aha," His friend was too involved in a conversation to pay any attention and this had Nick feeling even more alone.


”Nick you’re all right?" There were concerned in Kevin’s green eyes as he asked this question.


”Yes," Nick smiled palely. ”I think I maybe ate too much candy." He rubbed his hand over his stomach, trying to get the sick feeling to get away.


”Yeah," Brian laughed,”Aunt Martha’s chocolate candy can be a bomb."


”Mhm.." The teen winced as a pain shot through his stomach and he folded over.


Noticing this Kevin frowned,”You’re sure?"


Brian, who had caught a waft of the situation reached out to feel his friend’s forehead, when the blonde jerked away. Such humiliation. He was NOT going to be checked out in front of all these relatives.


”Yes! Jeeze, get off my case will you." Nick sneered, getting all the attention around the table in the process. They all stopped talking and looked at his direction. The teens face went all red like an over cooked lobster and blushing to his ears Nick mumbled an apology before quickly standing up, pushing his chair back. Then he briskly walked out of the room, getting everyone’s look after him.

”Nick!" Brian called out when he saw Nick leave and when he stood up to follow his friend Kevin and him changed glances. Nick could be so moody and usually it was better to leave him alone. This time however something told the Kentuckian that something was not right with Nick at all. With that Brian went out too.

Downtime - Chapter 13

Brian scanned the hallway, in search of his friend who had disappeared so quickly out of the room. Feeling with his hand on the door handle to the bathroom, he shouted, "Nick? You in there?" The door swung open, revealing no one inside. Brian frowned. Where could his friend be? Concern clouded his mind; as Nick's behaviour had been totally out of place. The teen was more sullen than ever and he started to think that there could be more than meets the eye.

Maybe Nick really felt lonely and wanted his family to be there with him. Frack had a habit of running away whenever things got too much for him. The boys had learned to accept this through out the years. They even had a name for it, "the mood", as it would say everything. Nick was a rather open and outgoing person when he was with people he knew, other times he could be really shy and reserved. Since he often laughed and was really easy to get along with he rarely expressed when something was wrong, that was if it was something big. Smaller details he often whined about. This behaviour forced the guys, especially Brian, to learn how to read between the lines when it came to understanding Nick. The youngest member was really complicated at times.

Nick was nowhere to be found and it was clear that the teen wanted to be alone. With a deep sigh Brian was about to give up his search, and go back to the dining room when a thought struck him; Nick had probably went outside. As he strode out through the backdoors he saw the "lost one" sitting on a swing in the backyard. Back against him, leaning awkwardly against the rope that held up the swing. "Nick!" Brian called out as he walked out on the porch. The teen jerked, but made no move to turn around to acknowledge his presence. "Dude there you are!" He smiled while scanning his friend up and down with searching eyes. What caught his eye had him really concerned. Nick looked pale but also a bit down.

"What's the matter?" he asked, placing his hand on the blonde's arm only to be rewarded with a small nod.

The teen looked up, saying nothing further. His hand that had been covering his stomach, immediately let go of the position and instead he grabbed the rope with both hands. " Hi Bri." The face lightened up for a moment.

"What are you up to?"

" Eh..uh..nothing." Nick seemed embarrassed. "Just sitting here you know, taking it easy for a while. Chillin'"

"Yes? You’re alright? Why did you leave?" There was accusation in the older boy's voice.

"I'm fine." 'God how many times had he told them that,' Nick thought while he was doing his best to sound convincing. "It was just a bit stuffy you know you and also Kev was on my case all the time and.. And I really had to be alone for a while." He bit his lip.

"You sure you’re fine?" Brian said with doubt in his voice "I mean I could go and get mom if you want me too" He gesture with his head towards the house.

"Nah." Nick shook his head; "I told you I was fine, didn't I?"

"Yeah but...” Brian acted like he didn't want to drop the subject, yet he didn’t want to push on either. A thought struck his mind. "Is it about your family Nick? Is that what all of this is? That they are in Europe and you miss them?" He paused briefly. "You want to call them?"

Nick jerked back at once like he’d been hit in his face with a fist. That wouldn’t be possible since his mom was throwing a party for his little brother this Thanksgiving and calling them collect call would only make them either worried or angry that he was disturbing them. So that was totally out of the question.

"No!" He shook his head violently. "No it’s ok. I’m fine."

Brian could see that it was bothering him. "Nick, it’s ok to feel homesick," he said patting his friend lightly on his shoulder. "You don’t have to act tough."

His friend looked up. "I’m not acting like that. And I’m not homesick either." The tone was a bit defensive. "I really like staying with you and all...” Nick swallowed hard. His stomach was churning widely again and now he was pretty certain that the flu bug had come to stay. He was sweating too, cold sweat, that was a safe sign that there was going to be an outbreak soon enough. He just hoped that he could stall it a day or two since he really wanted to go to that "date" as Brian called it. Julie seemed like a cool girl and he wouldn't want to miss going to the movies with her. Watching the NBA game on Saturday was also something he didn't intend to miss and therefore he was determined to stay well, or as well as it was possible regarding the symptoms he was experiencing. Swallowing hard he only nodded since talking at the point didn’t seem wise enough to do.

"It's freezing out here," Brian went on, wrapping his arms around him like he was cold. "How can you stand to be outside only dressed in that?" He gestured with his thumb at Nick’s thin sweater. Not waiting for the answer he continued, "Come on and let's get inside before we freeze our butts off."

Nick shook his head, making no attempt to leave. "Eh..Well..You can go inside," he stuttered” I...I..I think I will stay outside for a while longer. I’m still a bit warm and stuff you know."

"Warm?" The Kentuckian spat. "Are you kidding me? It has to be way below zero!" He knew he was exaggerating a bit but sometimes it was the only way he would get Nick to act. "You sure you’re really ok then?" He was about to place his hand on the teen's forehead when Nick backed away, violently.

"Jeeze Bri, you're starting to sound like my mom or even worse..like Kevin!" The teen looked annoyed.

Brian had to smile at Nick's disgusted face. "Hey Frack, we're just worried about you, you know. That is why we are all acting like mother hen's." He placed his arm around the teen's shoulder in a comforting gesture. "You seem to be off or something ever since you arrived and I'm just making sure that there is not something that you’re hiding from me, you know. That you’re sick or something."

"Well I’m not so stop being such a worrywart," Nick said slowly before flicking off his friends arm with his hand. Jumping off the swing he winced when his feet hit the ground. "Oh shit," he mumbled while he placed his arm protecting over his stomach.

The motion didn’t go unseen from Brian’s hawk eyes. Instantly he reached out for his friend. "Dude, what is it? Something wrong with your stomach? You’re ok?"

The teen shook his head while he said in a shaky voice. "It´s..it´s nothing. I´m pro..Probably too full or it’s that muscle I pulled yesterday or something" Straightening up he took his hand away from his midsection, a smile toying his lips.

But Brian wasn't that easy to lead into another path. " Full?? You? You hardly touched any of that food on your plate. Don't think that I didn't notice how you pushed your food around on the plate?" He raised his eyebrow. What's up with that? ”

Eh..uh..well I," Nick started before he suddenly snapped, too sick and tired of everyone butting into his face, "Would you quit it! I told you that I was fine and stop bugging me..If it was something I would tell you..allright?"

Brian looked at his friend with demise. It was rare that Nick snapped at him so something most clearly bothering him more than he wanted to admit, yet he realised that they were making no progress and therefore he decided to stop pressing the teen and instead wait until Nick decided to come to him and talk about what was on his mind. "Ok," he said causally, "Let's go back then. The others are waiting and it's soon time for dessert." He motioned with his heads towards the house. Usually Brian wouldn't have dropped the subject so fast but the thought of his mother's chocolate cake and whip cream made his taste buds water and he looked forward setting his teeth into a bite.

"'K. As long as you drop this subject."

Brian frowned. "Ok, but then you have to let me know if you feel bad or something. You know if you need to leave and go home." When Nick only threw him an eye he grabbed his friends arm again. "Ok?"

With as shrug Nick muttered, "Yes Dad," before releasing himself from the grip.

Brian chuckled. "I'm not the daddy; don't you know that by now? Kevin is." Determined to get the teen in a better mood he added. "I'll race you to the door, Ok?"

Never missing an opportunity to race Nick took up the challenge and with that the two of them ran; Brian, hoping that he would get his friend in a better mood. Nick, hoping that he would make it without passing out! ************************************************************************************************************

When will this ever end,' Nick thought miserably when he glanced at his watch for the tenth time in just as many minutes. Time seemed to drag along so slow and he wanted nothing more than this dinner to be over with so he could go back to the Littrell's and crawl back to bed. He was starting to feel a bit lousy and was sweating tons. Ever since he had come back from his brief "escape" he sat in silence, listening to Brian and Kevin chatting with their cousins. The noise was more and more making him sleepy and he had to pinch him more than one time on the arm not to fall asleep. The stomach ache was still there, along with a nauseous feeling and a churning stomach. The gurgling in his stomach indicated that he would be sick one way or the other before this evening would be ended. He sincerely hoped that his intuition was wrong. Swallowing hard, he tried to listen to the conversation, and to make them know that he was "listening" he mumbled a "aha" or " mhm," ever so often. This was a trick that he had learned doing boring interviews overseas. It worked like a charm and often he could sit at an interview, pretending to be there, while he was thinking of something else. Ok, sometimes he was accused of spacing out and would receive one or two slaps in the head. But it was all worth it. Having a few moments alone.

As he shifted position in his chair, trying to find a more comfortable spot, Kevin rose from his seat. Looking over at the older member he raised an eyebrow. Was Kev going to give a speech? "First of all I want to thank you for a wonderful dinner..." Yup Kevin was giving a speech. Nick groaned inwardly. This could take forever! Not that he thought that Kevin was boring, at least not boring him to death, no it was more that he couldn't stand to listen to anything right now. The room felt more and more stuffy and the nausea was threatening to bloom out until vomiting. He swallowed hard again, only listening with half an ear.

"So therefore I think that we have to continue with our tradition and..." Kevin was about to end his speech, "It's time for the annual Football Game!"

Cheers filled the room, especially from the younger male population. Under normal circumstances Nick would have been absolutely thrilled. He loved playing all kinds of sports, even if he didn't play in the same division as the Kentucky cousins. This time however he wanted to pass. His stomach was absolutely killing him by now and all he wanted was to sit down, or even better lay down on the couch. Running around, trying to catch a ball didn't seem too tempting.

Brian must have caught his lack of interest as he put a hand on his shoulder,”What’s up buddy? Don't you wanna play?"

Nick was about to give away a negative reply when he saw the disappointment in his friends eyes. There was not a chance that he could call this off since he had been nothing but a spoil sport the whole stay. " Um..Yeah..It´ll be fun!" He gave away a false cheerful smile and then jumped off his chair, a little too fast.

Brian delayed for a moment, " You sure?" Once again he doubted his friend's words.

"Yeah, what are you waiting for?" Nick patted his friend playfully in the back, "Race you out again." The teen was doing his best to muster all the strength he could get.

"Ok great."

Brian smiled widely as he took up the competition with Nick. Once out of sight for anyone to watch Nick winced. For some strange reason every move hurt his stomach really bad and it was making him dizzy. He wished he had the strength to tell them how bad he really felt and that there was more than one time he thought about backing out and instead go and tell Mrs Littrell how bad he was. Yet he stopped his actions. Both Brian and Kevin seemed thrilled and they were making up the rules outside, making teams. He walked, slightly hunched over to the rest of the guys.

"Great there you are," Kevin said as he saw the teen" We thought you'd backed out." The tone was light, but the eyes were concerned. The older man suspected something and Nick decided to take away his suspicion.

"You think I would MISS a game?" He laughed, " Well I am gonna beat your asses!" Nick made the winner gesture which had Brian laughing too.

"That the spirit! We’re gonna beat you all soooo much!" He laid his arm around Nick's shoulders. "Come on Frack let’s show these losers who's in charge." He gestured with his thumb towards his cousins.

His friend responded with a wide grin. Nick was a good actor, an excellent one and this time the acting lessons that his mother so expensively had paid for, was paying off. It took all his strength not to double over since the pain ripped his stomach into half and he was starting to become afraid that he would explode soon.

"Save some of that energy," Kevin chuckled, "You are going to be on MY team!"

"Sure Kev," Brian said as he ran to stand in position. Nick on the other hand wasn't thrilled at all. The pain cut like a knife when he was moving and cold sweat broke out on his forehead. He walked, slightly limping from the pain over to his position and stood there waiting for the game to start. Even if it felt like he would pass out every move he made he still kept going strong. It was clear that neither of his band mates were very happy with his effort at all.

"Nick!" Brian yelled, "You have to look where the ball is. Waaaaaatcchhhh iiiiitt" The Kentuckian was usually rather calm, unless it came to someone accusing him of something OR playing ANY kind of game! He was a winner down to his toes and nothing could upset Brian more than a badly thrown ball.

" NIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIICCCCCKKKKK" His brothers yelled when he dropped yet another ball on the ground. He wanted to cry, wanted to sit down and tell them how bad he felt. That he couldn't stand this pain any longer. Yet he continued, biting his lips from pain. If there was something he was. It was being stubborn and there was no way he was going to give up because of a small case of the stomach flu or even worse; a pulled muscle.

The guys were totally into the game and they yelled at him to block Kevin's brother. He made a move for it when a deafening pain shot through his stomach. The stomach was on fire! Still he pushed himself. Pushing over the limit like he had done so many times performing. Giving away every ounce of energy. Sometimes when he was performing he was so tired, totally worn out like a washed out dishrag, afterwards and he wanted to do nothing else but sleep. Somehow he always managed to catch back again and minutes later he would be up greeting the fans. His own thoughts had drifted away again and were abruptly interrupted by Kevin yelling.

NIIIIICCCKKKK, takeeee thissss oneeee."

He saw the ball coming against him. Then it happened in slow motion. Trying to catch the ball he ran the fastest as he could towards it, noticing that Harold was making a dive for that one. Brian, seeing that his friend wouldn't make it also made a dive for the ball. Nick felt his hand on the ball and was about to grab it when he also felt Brian's body crash into him, sending him down on the ground. The movement, combined with the impact sent a wave of pain through his body. Tears welled up in his eyes and streamed down his cheeks as he protectively held his hands around his stomach. Crawling up to a ball he whimpered. The sounds around him suddenly felt surreal and far in distance.

" Frack, Frack!" Brian's voice was the last thing he heard before everything went black and he sank into oblivion.

Downtime - Chapter 14

It all happened in slow motion. Brian saw Nick falling down on the ground. His first impression was that Nick was playing a prank on him again, weird timing, but then Nick’s timing had never been that good. Then he saw that the teen was laying curled into a ball, hands towards his stomach. Completely lifeless. This was what scared Brian the most as he sank down next to his friend on the grass.


"Nick, oh my God, Nick," Brian whispered as he felt his friend's clammy forehead. Turning towards Kevin who had come running to see what happen he said with fear in his voice, "He fainted."


Kevin, always keeping his head level, sank down next to his cousin, gently patting Nick's pasty white cheek. "Come on buddy," he whispered softly, trying to get Nick to wake up. Never in his life had Nick passed out before, he had been close several times when he was so tired that he was exhausted. But the 15 year old usually managed to stand with both feet on the ground. The pale face, covered with slick sweat scared them. This was not the little brother they were all used to seeing. There was something seriously wrong with the teen. Brian grabbed Nick's lifeless hand and felt panic surged up inside him when he felt how cold the hand was.


Kevin was doing his best to wake Nick up, but his attempts to wake his brother up was futile, "Come on little man." When the tall man received no response he sat down, a worried frown on his forehead. "We have to call an ambulance."


Brian nodded. The whole situation felt too surreal. It had all happened so fast. Although that he had suspected all day that Nick was not feeling one hundred percent, the teen had been up, running around, playing ball like always. The next second Brian looked at Nick; he saw how he suddenly sank to the ground, holding his stomach like he was in serious pain. Then his eyes rolled back and he passed out. And now he was lying on the grass completely motionless.


"Come on little buddy," Kevin cajoled, not giving up his attempts to get Nick to wake up. It failed once again. Brian's eyes stung. What if there was something seriously wrong? He had only known Nick for 3 years but he had never seen him act this badly. People were swarming around them and Brian felt cold. Nick was not waking up.


"What happened?" Jackie called out as she came running, her husband, Brian's brother and Kevin's mom in a tight pace. Sinking down next to Nick she asked as she felt his forehead, "What happened? Did he hurt himself?" Turning to her youngest son she asked with panic in her voice, "Brian what happened?" Her son was pale as a ghost, shivering violently.


"I do..don't..kn..know," the young man stuttered as Kevin offered an explanation.


"Nick was playing ball when he suddenly grabbed his stomach and sank down. We've been trying to get him to wake up, but he won’t wake up."


"Should we call the paramedics?" Brian's brother asked, while Jackie waved him off. Turning to the crowd she asked, "Did anyone see how it happened?" They all shook their heads; they had all been too engrossed in the game and trying to catch the ball.


Kevin's brother offered, "I think Nick was aiming for the ball when he suddenly sank to the ground, clutching his stomach." "You think that he might have sprained a muscle?" Kevin's mother, Anne asked her sister in law. She too looked at the pale teenager that lay on the grass. ”Maybe we should move him," she suggested.


"No!" Brian's brother said, "We don’t know what's wrong with him. I’ll go in and call the paramedics." With that the older man straightened his legs and walked in towards the house.


"You don’t think that we are jumping to conclusions?" Anne asked Jackie as the two of them were checking Nick over.


"No," Jackie shook her head, "I knew that Nick wasn’t feeling too good today, but to pass out from being sick, especially when he isn’t running a temp is something I wouldn’t want to mess with. The boy needs to go to a doctor."


"Oh boy," Brian muttered. "Nick will love this."


"What did you say?" she turned her head against her son.


"Nothing." There was no need for his mother to hear the fear that Nick had for doctors. Jackie shook her head as she whispered, "Nick was complaining that he didn’t feel well earlier." Putting a hand to her mouth she mumbled, "Oh Lord, I wish I would have listened to him." She stroked the teen's pale face.


Seeing how sad his mother looked Brian held an arm around her. "Mom, it wasn’t your fault that Nick passed out. I knew that Nick wasn’t feeling well."


"You two sound like the boy is dying," Harold Jr. interjected, "I’m sure it is just a bout of the flu."


"Like you faint from that?" Brian sneered back.


"Actually you can if you tax yourself too much," Kevin filled in with a frown.


"Let’s hope that it is all it is," Harold said as he came back. "The paramedics are on their way."


"Good, maybe we should move the boy to the house," Anne added, "he'll get cold laying on the damp grass."


"No mom," Kevin interjected, "We shouldn’t move Nick until we know what is wrong with him."


Ann nodded, "I guess you are right son." Around them people were coming up with all sorts of suggestions what could be wrong with Nick, and they were all willing to give their advice on what to do.


Jackie felt on Nick's hand, "Oh he is so cold." Turning towards her husband she said, "Hand me that coat of yours." Without hesitation Brian's dad took off his coat and put it over Nick's body. Jackie lifted his head into her lap. Nick moaned silently.


"He's waking up." Kevin said as they all saw Nick stir, not so much but it was definitely there. The teen was starting to wake up. They breathed sighs of relief.


> The words triggered a lot of commotion and people moved in closely on them. Brian was there again, bending over his sick friend. Stroking Nick's forehead he noticed that it was very sweaty and clammy and judging from the wrinkle on the young teen's forehead he still appeared to be in pain.


The sound buzzed around Nick and it felt like he was swimming under water. Everything was just one BIG blur. Slowly he was waking up, struggling to open his eyes. The pain that had blinded him earlier was now replaced with a dull ache. A strange uncomfortable feeling filled his stomach and he moved his hands instinctively towards his abdomen. As he tried to open his eyes he found that his eyelids were so heavy like they weighed several pounds. Yet he forced them open just to be met with a pair of concerned blue eyes staring down at him. He had seen those eyes before and they belonged to his best friend in the world.


Brian!


"Hey Buddy," Brian called out as he smiled widely. "How are you feeling?" He hugged his friend's hand, tightly.


Blinking, a bit confused, Nick tried to get his bearings. He looked around noticing that a lot of people had gathered around him. And they all looked concerned. Opening his mouth he tried to say something, but the words seemed stuck in his mouth.


"Wha..What happened?" Nick mumbled hoarsely. He was still confused what had happened. All he remembered was a pain, worse that anything he ever experienced, ripping through his gut. Then he got very dizzy and the last thing he saw was that the ground seemed to come closer toward him.


"You fainted," Kevin said as he also hunched beside the teen.


"Oh!" Nick blinked with his eyes several times as he shifted on the grass. His stomach still hurt, but there were also another uncomfortable feeling in the back of his throat.


"How are you feeling?" Jackie asked with a concerned look in her eyes. "Where does it hurt? Your stomach? Your head?"


The questions were many.


Nick shook his head weakly. "Just my stomach." He moaned as he shifted on the grass one more time.


"Yes Nick, but where does it hurt? In the middle or by your side?" Jackie was gently pressing Nick's abdomen and the sick boy groaned as her hands smoothly pressed down on his stomach.


"Does it hurt there?" Brian asked as he saw Nick grimace when his mother was doing the quick examination.


"Mhm..A bit." The bad feeling in the back of his throat was making him nauseated and it felt like he would throw up any second now. The nausea came on pretty fast and the tingling, burning sensation down his esophagus made him sick.


"The paramedics will be here soon son," Harold said comforting, but that didn’t relax Nick at all. He tensed.

"No... No," he mumbled, tossing with his head back and forth like he was in panic. "I don’t need to go to a hospital." He tried to sit up, "In fact I am all better now, see." He smiled palely towards the worried faces. Nick had taken acting lessons and was a good actor, but he was NOT such a good actor that he could fool two mothers.


They looked down at Nick with disbelief, "Young man you lay down again. Fainting is not something to take lightly." Anne tried to get Nick to lie down again, but the teen was stubborn.


"Maybe it is just the flu or something," he said as he gave away another pale smile. There was no way that he was going to reveal how shitty he felt and he did his best to act like whatever had been bugging him was gone. When his body betrayed him! It started in the back of his throat and before he could say or act he felt thick sour liquid burn and as he opened his mouth to warn the people beside him that he was going to be sick, his stomach decided to jump out of his body and he puked projectile style on the grass.


"Nick!"


"Oh my God!"


"He's throwing up."


The comments were many and it was clear that this was something that disgusted most of the guests and Nick felt his eyes burn as he let go of the contents. His stomach heaved over and over again as he threw up violently. When he was regaining breath again after hurling over and over again he stuttered hoarsely, "I’m s..so..sorry." Tears burned in the corner of his eyes, making it difficult for him to see.


"Oh honey there is no need to apologize," Jackie mumbled as she held Nick's shivering shoulders. People had naturally moved out of his way. It turned out that when he started to heave so violently both Jackie and Anne had waved them all away. "Are you feeling any better?" Anne asked as she stood up.


"Yes," Nick nodded, "Maybe that's what I that needed. I feel so much better now. My stomach doesn’t hurt as much as before." He licked his parched lips. Just as he uttered those last words the pain in his stomach made him fall back again. Jackie steadied him and laid him back down again, whispering soothing words to him. Nick closed his eyes. He wished that his mother was there taking care of him.


"When are the paramedics arriving?" Brian asked as he was pacing impatiently. He was just as pale as his friend on the ground.


"Calm down buddy," Kevin said softly, putting an arm around Brian's shoulder, "You are getting all worked up, and if you don’t relax you will end up as sick as Nick."


The teen peered up, "Yeah Frick, take it easy," his smile was weak, but it was still there.


"They are here," Harold Jr. came running, "the paramedics have arrived." He was followed by two men.


"Finally," Jackie breathed a sigh of relief when Anne stood up to meet the men to explain what was wrong with her guest. Nick groaned on the ground. His eyelids were closed and he could feel tears trickling down his cheek. He did his best to try to wipe them away when Jackie leaned over him whispering, "No baby that is okay. Let them all out." She bent over and kissed him on his forehead. Just like his mom used to do when he was little and sick.


"Hey buddy," one of the paramedics said as he hunched down beside him. He was black and his brown eyes were comforting. "Nick is it?"


"Yes." Nick felt his eyes widen with fear. He had only been at a hospital before for something and that was when he broke his arm riding a bike. That was when he was 13 and he happened to do that when he was free from shows and concerts. Downtime never was good for him.


"My name is Joe," the man said as he said, "Mrs. Richardson says that it’s your tummy that hurts. Right?" Nick nodded. He felt too sick to answer and the bile burned in his throat again. "Can you tell me what happened?" Nick nodded and then started to tell in as small sentences as best he could how the pain had started and how much it had hurt when he fell down on the grass. Joe listened all the time, taking notes on a pad in front of him. Meanwhile the other man named Phil was feeling his pulse and taking blood pressure.


When Nick felt like he had nothing more to say Joe said, "I want you to answer some questions while I feel your stomach. Okay?"


The teen nodded again, shifting a bit uncomfortably as the man pressed down on his stomach. "Does it hurt when I press here?" Joe pressed down gently onto Nick's stomach.


Nick shook his head. It was uncomfortable but it didn’t hurt. In the corner of his eye he saw Brian and Kevin standing there, biting their lips, looking shocked. Especially Brian.


He gave thumbs up to them to tell them that it was all fine, when Joe pressed down again and it hurt so much that he let out a loud scream. Joe instantly turned towards his partner, "Rebound pain," he stated in an authoritative voice and his partner opened up a bag. Turning back to Nick he said, "Listen Nick, we have to take you in to the hospital." Nick’s eyes went glazed. Jackie stroked his cheek, comforting.


"Wha..what is wr..wrong with me?" he asked stuttering, his lips quivering as he was on the verge of crying again.


"It is nothing dangerous, but we think you have appendicitis," Phil said kindly, as he continued, "Nick this will poke a little, but I need to put an IV into you."


Nick bit on his lip as he tried to be brave, closing his eyes hard he didn’t want to see the needle. It stung a little but not too much for him to handle. When it was done and he had an IV dripping into a line in his hand he looked up to see Brian's concerned blue eyes looking down at him. "Hi," Nick mumbled as he reached out to grab his best friend's hand.


"Hey little man," Brian smiled back. "You'll be okay, don’t you worry." Tears pricked in Brian's eyes.


"I know," Nick said strongly, looking at Kevin he said, "Now we both had had our appendix taken out."


"Yeah," Kevin grinned and Brian added, "Count me in too." He smiled. "Now we have a certain bound." The three boys laughed silently.


"Will he be okay?"

"Yes," Joe nodded, "But I am afraid that it is about to burst because I don’t like the way his stomach is distended." Turning back to Nick he said, "Did you say that your stomach suddenly hurt really bad?"


"Yes there were like a snap." Upon hearing those words there were suddenly action on the ground. The paramedics said something to each other and before Nick knew what happened he was carried over to a stretcher. The movement made him feel even more nauseous and he gagged violently. He could feel himself being moved to the side and Joe rubbing his back as he was rushed towards the ambulance. Nick could feel his stomach hurt with each heave and he had hard time breathing. Never had throwing up felt so bad. The pain was back in his stomach again and he moaned silently. Suddenly feeling all dizzy.


"How are you doing buddy?" Joe asked as they shoved the stretcher into the ambulance.


Nick wanted to say that he felt okay, but that would have been a lie because he suddenly felt all strange in his body. He was starting to shiver constantly. It was like chills wracked his body and no matter how many blankets they covered him with he still shivered. The nausea returned with a vengeance and on top of everything his vision felt all blurred and strange. He feared that he was going to pass out. The feeling like he was under water returned and he could hear the voices around him yelling something.


"He's going into shock," someone yelled in a far away distant voice before he lost all feeling in his body.

Downtime - Chapter 15

Bright light. Muffled voices. Hands touching him.


Nick felt the panic dwell up inside him in the same way as it had done when he was attacked by fans for the first time. It had been last summer in Germany. Hundreds of fans had stormed their bus and the entrance to their hotel. At first Nick had mostly become flattered but as things were progressing and the fans were getting more and more aggressive in their attempt to meet the guys he got scared. Girls were all over him and he didn’t like it when people were too close to him in that way. It made him feel both unsure and uncomfortable.

The fans had all touched at him, grabbed at his backpack and also poked him on all kinds of places. One girl even tried to get a strand of his hair and one stole his cap. It was wild and before security got a hold of the situation Nick felt like a trapped animal. The more he tried to get away the more they were pressing against him, screaming. He tried ducking but they had been everywhere.


There were Hands. Hands touching his hair. Hands tugging at his clothes. Hands all over him.


The panic had rushed up inside him and he was sure that he would be crushed. Crushed to pieces. Bright flashes was shining in his eyes and for a moment he feared that his last moment had come. That he was going to die in the crowd. Then, when he thought that all hope was lost, he felt a strong arm pull at him, drag him through the crowd like in slow motion. Through tear-filled eyes he had watched the scenario and had followed the person that held his arm in a cramped grip like a blind man. He'd closed his eyes and didn't dare to look up until he was safe. He had found out early, that it was better to show a reserved side, that way people would hopefully leave him alone.


Even if the whole event had just lasted for a few minutes in Nick's life, it still had felt like an eternity. It felt like forever and when he was finally was safe, he had dared to look up. Just to be met with Kevin's calm eyes. Shaking, he had never wanted to let go of his brother's firm grip and then the tears had threatened to spill over. When he was in his hotel room later that evening, the whole event had been played up in front of him like a movie.


That's when the nightmares started. Nightmares that he would be crushed and that he would die.


The first thought that crossed Nick's mind when he woke up was that he had finally done it. He had died and gone to heaven. Or was it hell? His body felt strangely cold and he shivered, chills wracking his body. It felt the same way as it did when he was fever sick back home in his parent's big bed. Or a moment he thought that he was at home. Back with his family.


Suddenly there was another feeling. A feeling of hands touching him, tugging at his clothes and once again, Nick was back in Germany. Back to that awful event when he thought he would die. "No, No," he called out hoarsely, hoping that the fans would let him be. The same panic as he felt before surged through him. Making it hard to breathe. Someone was touching his stomach, pressing down with hands that made him want to scream. It hurt. Oh God it hurts so badly.

Swallowing hard he did his best to fend off the tears that were threatening to dwell up in his eyes. Moaning he tried to shield away from whoever was attacking him, whimpering when he realized that there were no where he could go. He was trapped. Trapped in his own misery.

"Do..don´t tou..touch mmm..mee," he mumbled weakly. "I..it hu..huuurrtsss.." He did his best to try to push away the hands, but the hands didn't listen. Instead they kept on poking him. Hurting him. To make things worse people murmured something around him, words that he couldn’t make out.

It was all such a blur and he felt scared.


A hand touched his forehead a female voice whispered softly into his ears, “Hush honey. It will be just fine.” The hand stroked his hair and strangely it made him for a moment feel safe.. The person smelled so good. Like flower mixed with vanilla.


"Mom?"

"No Nickolas,” the voice answered gently. “I’m nurse Sarah and you’re at the hospital.”

“Hospital?” Nick opened his eyes. "Ohhh, I thought I was with mo..mom" He couldn't help but he felt so disappointed. He wanted his mom. Wanted her to comfort him. Saying that everything would be alright. That he would be fine. Just like she always did, at least whenever she was around.


“No honey.” The nurse smiled at him. “We’re waiting for the doctor to come and perform a quick examination on you.” Upon hearing those words Nick shifted uncomfortable in his bed. He’d never liked doctors and certainly not examination and the prospect of having to endure one didn’t sound too promising. Sensing her patients nervousness the nurse stroked away a sweaty strand from his forehead. “Honey I know it hurts but try to calm down.”

Nick nodded, feeling more confused then he wanted to let show. Why was he in a hospital? Had he been in an accident? Just when he opened his mouth to ask those questions a dark male voice interrupted him.

“Hey there Nickolas. I’m Doctor Burns and I will perform a quick examination on you.” The man with glasses and a brown beard smiled down at him. “I know you don’t feel too hot right now but I have a pretty good guess what it is that bothering you and we will take care of that instantly.” There was no chance for Nick to answer, which was just as good since his stomach was starting to hurt pretty much again and there were a feeling of nausea in the back of his throat too. “I believe that you have appendicitis."

"Oh" Nick licked his lips. So that was why he was in a hospital. No wondering that his stomach hurt so much. Slowly his memory started to come back. It was all blurry, but he remembered briefly that he had been at Kevin's home when he started to feel so sick. Brian had been there too. And Brian's mom. Jackie. "Bri..Brian?" he whispered hoarsely, licking his parched lips one more time. God he was so thirsty.


“Brian?” The nurse asked. “Is that your friend?”

Nick nodded, that was all he could do right now anyway.

“He is in the waiting room and you get to see him once this procedure is over.”

’ The pain that radiated through his body all of a sudden made the nurse grab his hand in hers and held it in a comfortingly gesture. “Ouch!” Nick trashed on the examination table. It hurt so much that he wanted to crawl into a ball but the doctor wouldn’t let him. Instead he tensed. The doctor said something to the nurse and there was more pain when large hands pressed on his tender stomach. “Uuuhhhh..ohhhhh," Nick wailed again, tears streaming freely down his cheeks. It hurt so bad that he thought he would faint. Cringing he did his best to get away from the pressure.


"Honey I know it hurts but try and relax. It will soon be over." The nurse was there again with her hands, stroking his forehead in a comforting way.


But Nick didn´t feel relaxed. Not at all.


"I wa..wanna go..goo..ho..hoomeeee," he cried, not caring if anyone saw what a baby he was. It hurt so much and he wanted his mom by his side. But his mother was far away, all the way cross the Atlantic; in Europe with Aaron and his siblings.


"Mooooommmm!"


The cries he let out were cries of sheer desperation; he flailed with his arms, wanting to get away from the pain and the pressure that he felt. It felt like someone was stabbing him in his stomach. With a hot pole!


"I know it hurts," the doctor said with an apologizing tone in his voice, "but I need to feel your stomach and when I’m done I will get you something that makes you sleepy and also takes away the pain.Ok? ” Noticing his patient’s doubtful eyes he smiled, “I’ll promise.”

Biting his lips, Nick tried to be stoic. He didn't want to act like a wuss. There was another strange feeling in his stomach, like he had swallowed Something that burned his throat. The feeling of liquid sloshed around in his gut and nausea sneaked up on him, like a thief in the night. Before he had a chance to react he started to gag and could feel himself being rolled on his side. Soon he started to heave and it hurt so bad that all he could do was to cough and moan.


Comforting words were spoken to him while he felt a wet and cool cloth pressed at the back of his neck. It wouldn’t have been so bad in any other situation then heaving his guts out while his stomach was threatening to rupture. Suddenly he felt a sharp sting in his hand and something cold was injected into his arm. Once the violent heaving had stopped he felt his eyelids go heavy on him. There was a tingling burning sensation inside his body and it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes open. There was muffled sounds from people talking in the background and to his relief he noticed that the pain that had been so bad minutes ago was slowly starting to lessen and as an warm and fuzzy feeling made him relax and soon darkness overwhelmed him, making him feel comfortable and safe.


******************************************************************************************************************************************************************


"Brian, hon' relax everything will be fine," Jackie said softly to her youngest son who was pacing back and forth in the small corridor, not taking any time to sit down and rest. Luckily they were the only people in the hallway, sitting down waiting, so they had the room to themselves to speak freely.


It was just Brian, Kevin and Jackie at the hospital. The rest of the people were still at the Thanksgiving Party making the best of the situation, although the party itself was disrupted.


"I just can't," the young man said, twisting his hands in despair. His feature was pale and drawn and that cheerfulness that often lit up his blue eyes was gone. Shadowed by something else; Fright. "What if something bad happens?"


His voice held a tone of desperation.


Even if his mind told him that this was just another case of appendicitis and that the doctors dealt with this kind of illness several times a week, he still couldn’t relax. ‘Come on Brian,' he coached himself, ' the surgeons will take the appendix out and then Nick would be fine and dandy again. Yet there was a bad gut feeling that things could go terribly wrong and it scared him when he‘d seen how fast the paramedics acted when they found out that his appendix had burst. Nick had looked so pale and sick while lying on the ground, almost lifeless, and for a moment he’d feared that his friend had actually died. His first thought was also that he was the cause for the teen’s ailment but when he heard that it was “just” appendicitis he relaxed a knot.

' Think positive, Think positive,' he mentally urged himself as he was walking back and forth, feeling more and more restless as the time ticked away.


"Yeah Rok, sit down or your will wear out the carpet," Kevin said with a slight smile, looking up from the magazine that he was reading. He was feeling as worried as Brian, but he also felt safe knowing that his little brother was in good hands. Heaven forbid that something like this had happened when they were on tour. There was no telling how management would have acted. He had his own encounter with a situation similar to this when he had fallen ill in Germany and the doctors had to perform surgery, taking his appendix out. Oh, he had been so Ill, and yet he was lucky that his appendix hadn't burst like Nick's. Kevin shuddered at the feelings that the memory brought up.


"You're cold, Kevin?" Jackie asked when she saw how the young man shivered in his thin jeans jacket.


"No," the young man ran a hand through his dark hair. "Just thought about how sick I was in Germany when I had this. Man, if Nick is anything like I was, he is in for some pretty rough times."


"Yes, Appendicitis can be pretty bad. Brian was very sick too when he had this," the older woman remembered. Sighing she took in her youngest sons dishelved appearance. He looked like he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.


Stopping by the water cooler, Brian filled a paper mug; taking a sip all while he glanced over at the green swinging doors leading the surgery. "This is taking too long, much too long," he muttered impatiently. Something was terribly wrong, he just knew it.


They had been waiting for almost two hours and there hadn't been any personnel informing them about Nick's condition. Every time they had tried stopping one of the nurses and doctors they had been informed that someone would come to talk to them. Hopefully soon. .


"Yes, honey I know," Jackie said softly, patting on the empty seat next to her on the sofa." Come on and sit down here for a while. Relax. I'm sure that when they have something to tell us, they will come and inform us." She smiled gently but deep inside she had a nagging feeling of worry, the same as the others.


Why was this surgery taking so long?


Just when she had dismissed every hope of finding out any time soon how her guest was doing a nurse clad in green came rushing past them. Brian intended to find out more about his friend stood up and walked towards her, trying to stop her. “Excuse me,” he said, “but can you please tell me how our friend, Nickolas Carter is doing?” His voice held a mixture of pain and desperation as well as a slight glimpse of hope. “Please?”

The nurse, too stressed to stop and talk said with a hurried tone, " I'm sorry but I can't give away any information."


"Oh." Brian moved out of her way so that she could pass.


Seeing the disappointed look in the young man's eyes the nurse said quickly, " Listen. I have to go, but someone will come and talk to you very soon. I promise"


Kevin, who had stayed calm for most of the duration of time, suddenly shot up his head," NO," he said a bit louder than he intended too. Surprised, the nurse stopped and both Brian and Jackie turned their attention to the otherwise so laid back young man. Letting out the breath that he was holding, Kevin continued, "We've been waiting here for almost two hours and every time we try to talk to someone they tell us that we will have to wait.” He stared at the young nurse who was starting to look more and more uncomfortable.

"Yes," Brian filled in quickly. "We just want to know how our little brother is doing." He too had emotions flaring up inside of him.


The nurse feeling backed into a corner said but at the same time sensing the young mans discomfort asked. "Are you relatives to Mr Carter?"


"Sort off," Kevin mumbled looking down at the floor.


Jackie feeling fit to explain the situation continued, "Nickolas is staying at our house over the Thanksgiving holiday while his parents are in Europe. And to answer your question; no we’re not relatives but I am in charge of him while he is living in our family.

"Oh," the nurse said, "Then I'll take it that you have filled out his insurance card?" There was a small threat in her voice.


"Yes we have." Jackie said tiredly. For once Mr. Wright had served as a help and he had helped her over the phone with all the problems that could occur with insurance and things like that.


"And informed his parents?"


"We have tried to call Mr. and Mrs. Carter but they couldn't be reached at the moment. They will call back as soon as they can."


The nurse looked a bit irritated, since they interrupted her in her line of duty. "As you probably know his parents have to give permission for him to be admitted to the hospital. Also it’s strictly forbidden to give out any information regarding the patient if you don’t have receiving any kind of information regarding the patient’s health."


"Yes, we do," Kevin said a bit sourly. ”But this time its Jive management's Johnny Wright that has taken on the responsibility."


"A record company?" She looked at them with disbelief. “What is he a pop star?” Sarcasm could be noted in her voice.


"Yes, he is a pop star," Brian said tiredly,” The Backstreet Boys." Kevin looked like he wanted to kill him when the words were uttered.


"Never heard of them," the woman snorted. Then she continued, "Now if you excuse me I have to get going now. I have work to tend to" And with that she more or less ran through the green swinging doors.


"What a bitch," Kevin muttered, getting an eye from his aunt. "Uh sorry," he apologized, blushing when he noticed his aunts displeased expression.


"What was all that about?" Brian muttered while sitting down next to his mother.


"Regulations," Jackie sighed, "But the main thing is that Nick gets the treatment that he needs."


The cousins nodded in silence until Kevin was the first to speak up,”Brian," he sounded a bit annoyed,”You didn’t have to say that we were from the Backstreet Boys. You know if the press…the media founds out…"


"Like they would know who we are," Brian snorted, shaking his head. He loved his cousin but sometimes Kevin was just too anal. And he was right, the name Backstreet Boys was pretty unheard off in the states. It was another matter in Europe and even Asia but here they had made no territory at all.


"You can never be too careful." Jackie said with a smile, settling the conflict that had arisen in the waiting room. Kevin agreed and after telling several stories about other celebrities that got into trouble Brian decided to cut in. Drawing his hand over his face in a tired gesture he mumbled that this was one of the worst Thanksgiving that they had ever encountered.

“Oh really?” Kevin said. “Even worse than that time when you climbed up on that tree and fell down and broke your ankle?”

“I didn’t only break my ankle, I also got a concussion,” Brian corrected him “and to answer your question, yes this Thanksgiving is the worst and I will never forget it.”

Kevin nodded before adding with a sigh, “"I doubt that Nick will forget it either."

"Yes, I know boys but we have to make the best out of the situation and pray to God that everything will go well. And meanwhile we should try and get some rest. It’s been a long day." Jackie said softly from her corner of the room.


For a response Brian closed his eyes, leaning against his mothers shoulder. He was so tired and the situation had left him all exhausted. Yet he couldn’t fall asleep, much too tensed. Just when they had given up all hope of finding out any information about Nick and his health, a male voice boomed through the room.

"Mrs. Littrell?"


"Yes?" Instantly all their attention was turned towards the man in glasses wearing green scrubs. Brian could feel his heart beating faster from fear. The doctor looked tired as he walked towards them, reaching out a hand.


"'I’m so sorry that I kept you waiting, but my name is Doctor Burns and I'm the one that has performed surgery on your friend, Nickolas Carter."


While Jackie small talked with the doctor, introducing her as well as the boys, Brian blurted out impatiently, "How is he doing? Is he very sick? Why did the surgery take so long?


The doctor, looked tired, "Mr. Carter is doing fine due to the circumstances.." He didn't get to finish before both Brian and Kevin interrupted him.

"Circumstances? Is something wrong? Is it serious?”p>

Mrs Littrell gave them an displeased eye but the doctor cut in, “To answer all of your questions Nickolas is doing as well as can be right now but,” Dr Burns stopped while slowly looking at each and every one of them in the room, “"but there were some complications...."

Downtime - Chapter 16

"Complications?"


Brian felt like his whole world froze. What kind of complications? What had happened? Was Nick very sick?


Even if he didn't wanted to, the thought crossed his mind that the worst had happened, that he died. But then why did the doctor look so cheerful and also said that he was doing fine? The mixed thoughts made him feel confused and scared. Like in slow motion he watched how his mother was talking to the doctor. Her mouth moved, but he didn't make out what she was saying. Much too wrapped up in his own feeling and thoughts.


"Yes, Nickolas' appendix had burst causing a severe infection called Petronis. Puss has filled his stomach causing him to spike quite a fever. We managed to drain him but he gave us quite a scare when he went into shock and later respiratory failure.”

Gasps could be heard in the room while they were taking in the news. “Oh,” Mrs Littrell uttered, holding up a hand to her mouth in sheer shock. Brian and Kevin who were standing next to her were both very pale and withdrawn.

"There is no need to worry," the doctor said, smiling reassuringly, "Young Nickolas is strong and I’m positive that he will come out of this without any further problems since he is stable right now and he will soon breath on his own again.”

“Breathe on his own?” Kevin asked visibly shocked. “Isn’t he breathing?”

“Yes but we put him on a respirator for the time being in order to help his breathing a little better. But Nickolas is making progress and if he continues in this pace we can take out the respirator tomorrow.” There was still silence in the room and the doctor scratched his beard, “We also put him on antibiotics to fight off the infection and he will also be monitored until he is even more stable.”

“More stable?” Brian questioned, “But you told us he was stable already!” Mrs Littrell gave her son a warning eye.

“Yes but we want to take all precautions in case...” The doctor sounded really tired at once.

“In case? In case what?” This time his mother uttered, “Brian!” and he stopped himself.

“That’s ok,” The doctor said lightly, “I can understand that you have questions but if you excuse me I have to get going.” He gestured with his thumb towards the door, “I have another surgery to perform but wanted to share the information with you before I tended to that.”

“That’s very kind of you Doctor,” Mrs Littrell smiled. "Can we go and see him?" Kevin asked.

"Unfortunately I have to say no. He is still unconscious and I suggest that you wait until he regains consciousness."


"Please," Brian begged.


With a deep sigh the doctor said, " OK, but you can't stay for long." Turning to Jackie he said,”I’ll take it that you are his mother?"


"No," she shook her head, "his parents are in Europe right now, Germany, but he is here in Lexington visiting my son and our family over Thanksgiving."


"Yeah and some Thanksgiving," Brian muttered, getting his mother’s eyes on him. "I'm sorry."


"But his parents have been informed?"


"They are as we speak," Jackie said, looking the doctor sternly in his eyes. "Meanwhile I’ll be Nick's guardian."


"Hhmmm," the doctor didn’t look too pleased and he was about to say something when his beeper suddenly went off, "I’m sorry," he said apologizing, looking to see who had called him, "I have to go. Emergency."


"But we can see Nick then?" Brian pressed on, not wanting to let the topic go.


A bit hesitatingly the doctor said, "Ye..Yes, I guess that it is ok to do so. He is currently situated in ICU so go to the front desk there and ask for Mr. Carter. If there is any trouble just tell them that Dr. Burns gave you permission to see him"


"That we will do," Jackie felt grateful, taking the doctor's hand she continue, "Thank you."


Briefly the doctor smiled, "It’s my job."


As soon as they were alone the questions and feelings started coming to them. Kevin, who had been unnaturally quiet said, "Should we be going down to ICU then?" He was used to taking charge and had practiced this many times before in the Backstreet Boys.


With that they left to go to visit Nick.


If Brian felt scared when he heard about Nick going through the wringer, it was nothing compared to the feeling he had when he saw his friend laying there on the hospital bed, pale as a ghost, machines attached to him. The room over at ICU was silent and next to Nick’s bed sat a young black nurse reading a magazine. As soon as the crowd entered the room she looked up with a small nod.


"How is he doing?" Jackie asked the nurse who didn’t look like she was much older than her own sons. Not waiting for any response, she walked over to the bed, "Still unconscious?"


"Yes, but we expect him to wake up pretty soon."


Feeling Nick's forehead Jackie continued, "He is very warm."


”Yes. He is running a temperature." The nurse stood up to adjust the IV bag.


"Is he in any pain?" Brian asked, biting his nails, a bad habit that often surfaced when he was either bored or nervous. Today it was the latter.


"Not right now," the nurse shook her head," But when he wakes up there will be some pain." She arranged his IV line and then stroked Nick’s forehead briefly to check if his temperature had risen.


"Aha." Brian nodded.


Kevin said nothing, feeling lost and uncomfortable. Neither of the cousins liked hospitals, mainly since they had bad encounters in their past. Brian, running in and out of hospitals was a good part of his childhood, and Kevin loosing his father to cancer a few years back. Even if he knew that Nick was doing fine, he still felt unsure what to do. Kevin had never been good at dealing with sick people, although he was learning by the hour. It scared him, since they reminded him how fragile life could be.


Sitting down on the chair next to the bed, Jackie frowned with concern, "I can take over sitting here for a while."


The nurse showed genuine gratitude. "You will do that? That would be great since I have other patients to attend too."


"Yes, I know Nick and I think he will feel much safer when he wakes up with me by his side."


"You can call on this button," the nurse nodded towards the small white button on the side of the bed "If there is anything that you want or when he wakes up."


"I will do that," Jackie smiled friendly as the nurse left the room. Turning to Brian and Kevin she said, "There is no need for you two to be here. Brian call dad so he comes and picks you up. I will be here with Nickolas for a little while."


Brian started to object but Kevin was fast to cut in, "Yes auntie, we’ll do that." Tugging his cousin on his sleeve he said, "Come on let's call Uncle Harold."


"No, I want to be here with Nick. He needs me.” Brian said with force in his voice. "I promised him I'd be there for him."


"Honey, I know," Jackie sighed, being the understanding mother that she was. "Nick will be in a bit of pain when he wakes up so he won’t be able to talk to you. I’m sure that he will be much happier if you will be here for him later when he is feeling better again." Smiling to the two young men she continued, "Go home now and I’ll call you as soon as there are some changes."


Once again Brian was about to object when Kevin cut in, "Yes you are right." Turning to the younger man he said, "Let's go, maybe Harry can pick us up"


"Ok." Brian wasn’t happy but he knew that there was no point in arguing with his mother when she was in a mood like that. "But promise to call me as soon as he wakes up."


"I’ll do that." Jackie reassured them all.


"Ok then see you later," With that they left.


***************************************************************************


It felt like he was floating. All warm and fuzzy he did his best to grip the situation but all the thoughts were jumbling around making it impossible to think straight. Instantly he couldn’t say that he felt uncomfortable since the pain that he had felt for so long was gone. 'Thank God,' his first thought was, struggling to wake up. The more he regained consciousness the more he was aware of something stuck in his throat that was blocking his airways, making it hard for him to breathe properly.


The warm feeling was replaced with panic. Sheer panic. They were killing him! Gagging involuntary, his body tried to get rid of what was blocking him, making the situation even more unbearable.


He tried to scream.


No sounds were coming out of his mouth, just gagging sounds and for a moment he feared that he was all alone in the world. That they had left him here to die. Tears pricked his eyes and if it wasn’t for the soft angelic voice that told him that everything would be fine, he would have lost it.


"Hush honey, don’t fight it." The voice belonged to a female and it was warm and comforting. "Relax."


He tried to say something, but that thing up his throat was making him gag again. And then he coughed. Hard. Trying to get rid of the blockage. Coughing several times he found out that it was no use. The device didn’t move. Tears started to run down his cheeks. It was choking him.


"Oh honey," the voice whispered gently and a hand was wiping away his tears, "I know it is uncomfortable, but its helping you breathe."


Confused, eyes still closed, Nick was trying to take in the situation. His head was full of cotton and it was making him dizzy. 'Who was this person? And why did they want to choke him?"


"Try to relax, let the machine do the job," the angelic voice continued. Coaching him. "Take deep breaths. Yes, there you go Nick."


He did as the voice said and soon found out that the voice was right. The more relaxed he felt, the better he breathed, and the less he panicked. And soon the cotton feeling wrapped him up like a soft warm blanket. Just when he was on the verge of falling back asleep some pretty disturbing thoughts popped up in his head.


Why didn’t he hurt? Where was the pain that had him so tight in its claws for such a long time? Had he finally died and was up in the clouds with God?


Nick didn’t know if he believed in God, but still he often had a feeling that there was something so much bigger than he ever knew. He often felt surrounded by angels, and whenever he was scared or grateful for something he turned to God. It was more out of habit than anything else.


He had to see once and for all if it was really an angel talking to him so with that in mind he tried to open his eyelids. They were so heavy and his eyes were so full of sand that he wanted to close them immediately. But before he shut them again he saw a pair of warm chestnut brown eyes looking back at him, and a friendly smile. The person in front of him held so much comfort and love that he instantly knew that it was an angel even if she was strangely like Brian's Mom.


The fever combined with the heavy pain medication didn’t let him think clear and he became more and more convinced. It was true. He had died and gone to heaven!


'That object he had in his mouth was probably something so that he could breathe up here in the clouds,' he decided disoriented. Debating with himself he came to the conclusion that at least he hadn’t gone to hell, even if Donna Wright their manager had told him that he was evil because of all those pranks. She had even told him once that he would rot in hell. That time he had just given her an innocent gum that tasted like fish. Or more explicit the innards of the fish!


He mused to himself.


"Sweetie," the angel asked kindly "What are you smiling at?"


Nick felt even more confused. Weren’t angels supposed to read minds? And in that case why did he have to answer such a stupid question? Since that thing was still down his throat, preventing him from answering, he just shook his head. The angel wouldn’t understand anyway. Besides he was too afraid to tell her about that fish trick since she would then definitely find out what a prankster he was, and he would get a one way ticket. To a much hotter destination!


"Try to get some sleep. You will feel better when you wake up again. Much better."


Was that a promise? How could he feel any better than he did right now? Nick felt confused. But there was no way he was going to object to that. Not to the words of an angel. After all he was in heaven!

Downtime - Chapter 17

The next time Nick woke up it was dark in the room. The fuzziness from before lingered there, but the thing he had down his throat was removed and instead it was replaced with a strong aching feeling in his abdomen. He didn’t know what was worse, feeling like you had a gigantic zucchini stuck down your throat or the red hot piercing feeling in his stomach that made him want to choke from pain.


Moaning, he wrapped his arms around his stomach, crawling into a ball like a small fetus, intending to block the pain out. It hurt to move and he felt like crying. There was a stinging sensation in his gut and it stretched when he moved. Miserable, Nick let out a groan, hoping that someone, anyone, would be out there comforting him. Noticing that there was no response he opened his eyes just to discover that he was all alone in the room. And it scared him.

There was a vague memory of someone being by his side. An angel sitting next to him. Confused he didn’t know if it was a dream or not. If his mind had played a trick on him. The angel, that’s what he called her, had spoken to him and for a moment he’d thought that she was real. But that could have been from the heavy medication he knew was running in his blood stream too and he didn’t dare to trust his own thoughts. Whoever she was he needed her now. Needed her comfort since he was in too much pain to be alone.

"He...Hello?" he croaked out weakly as he scanned the room. ‘Please,’ he prayed deep in side. ‘Please let someone be out there for me. Please don’t leave me alone.’ Nick had never liked being left alone although he was more used to taking care of himself then any fifteen year old usually had to do. The boys used to laugh at him, saying that he was in hopeless need of someone to look after him and they used to joke about his aching need for comfort. A feeling of loneliness overcame him suddenly and he had to fight off the tears that were threatening to spill over. He missed his Mom so bad that it hurt.


He felt so lost.


Just when he thought he couldn’t feel more miserable his stomach lurched violently and he had to fight his gagging reflex. Being sick was one of the worst feelings in the world and being sick on his own had to be on the verge of utter misery. To add to his discomfort a fierce headache, probably due to the anaesthesia, lurked in the back of his head, making it unbearable to lay still. Yet he had no other options since every move hurt like he’d been stabbed several times in his gut and he was starting to feel more and more queasy by the second. Gazing around the room again he thought about getting up and walking to the door but the mere thought of having to move his legs had him moaning.

He felt that bad.


Feeling like he was the only one alone in the world the tears started to roll down his cheeks. The fuzziness was still there and it felt like he was walking on clouds. This was the same way he felt when he had a very high fever and he knew the feeling all too well. Desperate to get someone to catch his attention he croaked out again, “Mom!” Still no response. Biting his lip he did his best to sit up in the bed but a ripping feeling made him want to lie down again. This really sucked.

"Hel..someone..Help" he called out as one last try to get help. No response. Realising that he was once again left to tend to himself he closed his eyes. This wasn’t the first time he’d been cooped up in bed, all alone, but the difference was that then it was at some shabby old hotel room while the guys were out there practicing. Nick had no idea how long he’d been lying there, crying, since he had no strength to figure out what the clock said. It could have been minutes or hours, he didn't know and he didn't care. But when he came to his senses again he heard someone by his side.


Turning on his head he saw a silhouette of a woman sitting next to him.


"Mom?"


Nick hoped it was his mother that had come to tend to him. He didn't have time to finish the thought before he remembered. His parents were in Europe touring with Aaron and there was not a chance that they would have come this far of a distance just for a small surgery. At least he didn’t think so. Realising this he let out a shaky sigh.


"No, your mother isn’t here," the female said feeling his forehead with a light touch. It felt so good since her hands were cold against his warm forehead and as he did his best to try to recognize the woman next to him he couldn’t shake his previous thoughts that there had been an angel sitting next to him earlier on.

“How are you feeling Nickolas?” the voice asked and looking up he was met with a pair of warm blue eyes.

“Si..sick,” he murmured, barely a whisper. This was the truth since his stomach still felt like someone had poked him with a pole and his throat was so dry that he had a hard time swallowing. On top of this discomfort there was a burning sensation in the back of his throat. Bile hiding down in his esophagus was threatening to make an attack at any second. He moaned again as if to emphasize the feeling.


“Oh..You do?” The nurse said and he could hear in her voice that she was feeling sorry for him. Picking up a cold washcloth she wiped the dry tears off his face and he felt a bit embarrassed that she had to see how vulnerable he was. The nurse however acted like she hadn’t seen the tears as she asked, “Does that make you feel any better?”

Nick nodded briefly. It was a lie and instead there were tell tale signs that a fever was running through his body, leaving him drained and dizzy. The nausea, lurking inside his stomach made him feel sick and weak and he swallowed repeatedly. Closing his eyes again he did his best to fend of the nasty feeling.


"Do you feel like you’re going to be sick?" the nurse asked a bit muffled. Nick nodded, not daring to open his eyes. There was a sound of someone moving away and soon there was something under his chin. Opening his eyes he noticed that it was a curved steel bowl. "Here you go," she smiled while telling him that he would feel better as soon as he got all the anaesthesia out of his system.

He hoped she was right since he felt too miserable to deal with all of this. At that very moment his stomach decided that it had enough making him gag several times. Quickly the nurse turned him to his side and aiding him she rubbed his back. He swallowed hard, not wanting to let go. This was way too disgusting and tears dwelled up in his eyes.


"Relax honey," the woman said softly while rubbing his back in small circles, "don’t fight it, and just let it out."


Moaning he did his best to hold on, but it was so difficult and soon he started to heave violently, tears running down his face. Both from pain and fear. He hated to throw up. Hated being sick, feeling so small and helpless. Hated not being in control of his situation.


Oh how he wanted his Mom. He needed her to come and be by his side. Needed her hugs and comforting words.


Spitting the foul taste into the curved bowl she asked him if he was done. He nodded like in slow-motion, not having the slightest strength to even look up. Without saying anything the nurse took away the bowl and then wiped his face clean with the washcloth.


"I know that you feel bad," she said with compassion, "it’s very common to get sick from the anaesthesia, especially when your appendix has ruptured, causing an infection. In your case it has also turned to petronis," the nurse explained clinically. Noticing her patient frowning she added quickly, "But you will feel better in no time. That I’ll promise you.” Nick nodded. That was all he could do. Nod and cry.


He shivered as the nurse helped him lay back down again and then covered him up with a blanket. Chills wracked his body while fever was constantly haunting him. He felt cold and miserable. "Where were you?" he asked, suddenly having a vague remembrance of waking up alone in the room.


"Where I was?" the nurse raised an eyebrow in confusion. "I’ve been here all the time."


"No, you were not!" Nick said stubbornly, shaking his head. Instantly he regretted his move and moaned miserably. Oh God when was all this going to end? The slightest move sent his brain into a tailspin and he thought he would throw up again. "I was a..alone," he shuddered, tears gleaming in his eyes.


Shaking her head the nurse smiled back at him. “It had to be a dream since you haven’t been left alone since you came back from surgery.”

Nick felt confused. Had he been dreaming? Dreaming that he was all alone in the room and in that case was the angel a dream too? He didn’t know for sure since his brain was playing constant tricks with him and it was hard telling what was real or not. His thoughts were so blurry and jumbled that he didn't know what to expect anymore. Maybe it was the fever that was making him see things? But one thing he knew and that was that he wanted his Mom and if she couldn’t be there for him he wanted Brian’s mom!

The last thought set his mind into a spin. Where was she? He had a weak memory that she had been there for him when he had fallen on the grass. "Jackie?" he mumbled. The fever made his brain foggy and he wanted some comfort.


"Jackie?..Oh you mean Mrs. Littrell?" the nurse said as her face lit up, "I’m sorry honey but she went down to the cafeteria to get something to eat. She’ll be back for you shortly." She smiled briefly at her patient who responded with a blank look.

He wanted Brian’s mother. She was warm and comforting and could provide him with the safety that he needed. He wanted; no he needed her to hug him in the same way as she had done when he had felt so sad after talking to his mother the last time.

“’k.” Running a hand over his pale face he let out a shaky breath. The day had been nothing but one big confusion edged with hot searing pain and nausea. Not something that you wanted for Thanksgiving. Stretching his neck he tried to see the figures on the large wall clock, but the figures were too blurry for him to make out. His head felt like a giant mush and when he moved his head everything seemed to jump.


Seeing his moves the nurse was instantly at his side, "What is it? You feel like you’re going to get sick again?"


“No.” Nick shook his head but he regretted it instantly. Bad move. God, why was he doing everything so wrong today? Closing his eyes he tried to make the room stop spinning, afraid that if he looked up he would fall off the bed. Yet the voice was there, persistently wanting to know how he was doing.


"Are you feeling dizzy?" the nurse pushed on and all he could do was nod.

Nick was feeling so very exhausted that all he wanted to do was to go back to sleep. His throat was too sore and he didn’t think he had the energy to do anything but lay there and moan feeling sorry for himself. The pain in his stomach made it impossible for him to think and he sobbed in misery. He could hear the nurse say something to him that he couldn’t make out, and then he heard the sound of a door closing on him. Letting out a shudder Nick came to the realization.

He was alone again.

Closing his eyes he tried to will himself to sleep. Sleep was good. Sleep would take away the pain and in his disoriented state he hoped, no he wished, that he would wake up feeling well and dandy. With that in his mind Nick Carter drifted off to a restless sleep again.


***************************************************************************


Running her hand behind her neck Jackie did her best to work out the knots of tension. She stretched her joints that ached after sitting still too long in the same position. She had been sitting next to the young teen almost all the time since he came up to ICU. All that she had allowed herself to do was a short bathroom break and a trip down to the cafeteria to get a coffee and a sandwich.


When she had come back again, after relieving the nurse she was told that Nick had woke up and asked for her. Upon hearing this her heart ached and she felt even worse when the nurse told her that he’d been sick and she hadn’t been there for him. Nick was one of Brian’s friends that she’d gotten to like very much.. There was something vulnerable about him and in a way he reminded her of a puppy that was lost. A puppy that needed his mother.


A stir coming from the hospital bed broke her thoughts and she turned her attention to her young charge, " Nickolas? Nick?"


Another stir and then a quiet moan. Nick was moving restlessly like he was in severe pain, his arms gripping his stomach and his forehead beaded with dotted sweat. An unhealthy fevered glow was the only colour on his pale complexion and she didn't like the way his face almost looked. Gaunt. A frown etched like a mask as he rolled to his side, crumpling up into a ball.


"Baby," she whispered, stroking his blonde sweat soaked hair in smooth gentle moves. He responded with a groan. "How are you feeling?"


Nick, licking his parched lips murmured, still not opening his eyes, "My..my..sto..stomach..hu..huurts so so ba..baaadddd."


"I know Nickolas," she said softly, smiling towards him as he opened his blue tear-filled eyes, gazing up at her. He didn't return the smile and instead he looked at her with confusion.

“Mrs Littrell?”

“Yes honey,” she smiled at him. “It’s me and you know its Jackie for you.” Patting his hand softly she said, “now try and get some rest.”

Nick blinked. "You..you le..left."


At that moment she felt so much warmth dwelling over her and she stroked his cheek gently. "Nickolas I know...I just had to eat something," she felt bad for letting him down. "But I came right back and then you were asleep."


"Mhmm." He nodded and seconds later he winced in pain again. His stomach was still acting up and she was a bit surprised over the pain that seemed to hold his body in a tight grip. Shouldn’t it be better once he had the surgery? Jackie had no idea if it was because she was stroking his cheek or that she was talking softly to him but soon he seemed to relax considerably. Continuing with her moves, she stroked his hair, singing softly, a small tune. As timed passed on Nick was getting more and quieter and soon the tension that had filled his body, mainly from pain, evened out and he looked like he was drifting off to sleep again.


Just when she thought he had fallen asleep his eyes snapped open. Panic shining in them.


"I..I..thi.." The teen stuttered so silent that it was barely a whisper. Leaning over him she tried to hear what he was saying. Her motherly instinct kicking into full gear. Suddenly there was gagging sounds coming from his lips and without thinking she grabbed the steel basin, handing it to him just in time to see that he made good use of it. Nick was heaving painfully bringing up the little that he had left in his stomach and soon he spat both bile and something watery into the bowl and by his fierce faces it tasted rather bad. This had Jackie wincing yet she stayed by his side in the same way she’d done for her sons so many times in the past.

In between his heaving Nick cried and sobbed." I’mmm..so. so...sorry."


“It’s not your fault baby. You’re sick.” Jackie whispered while she continued stroking his back in small even circles. He felt warm to the touch, much warmer than he did minutes ago and it made her a bit concerned. She could feel him shivering and he leaned heavily against her like he was seeking warmth and safety.

The vomiting was violent and every time she thought that it was over he was wracked with another attack. “Oh God please make it stop,” he cried while he heaved painfully into the curved bowl. His shoulders were shaking from the spasms and even if she did her best to comfort him it didn’t seem to help much.

Nick moaned and whimpered once again while holding his stomach, folding over double, " It hu..hurts," the teen mumbled when another heave came over him. Choking, he spat the yellow green substance into the bowl. His whole frame was shaking constantly and he looked like he was going into shock.


"Hush sweetie, I know, baby, I know." ”she whispered to him as she reached with one hand to push the button for some aid. Her heart ached when she saw how sick the teen was and he was looking more and more out of it and that scared her. He needed injections with nausea medication.


"It hurts..Oh God it hu..huuurts sooo muuuchhh," he wailed, rocking restlessly, holding his stomach. He acted like he didn’t know her presence and at that very moment he appeared so very young. Much younger than his fifteen years he had on his neck. And her heart ached Jackie felt concerned. Having your appendix removed could be a painful procedure but this was a bit too much. Her Brian had been quite sick when he had been in for that ordeal still that was nothing compared to how sick the young teen was that she held in her arms. A nagging feeling in the back of her head set her mothers instinct into work. The child was in too much pain to be ignored.


A harsh dry heaving sound broke through the air and she winced as it appeared that Nick was in the process of coughing up a lung or his innards. Then a loud gasp was heard and the teen started to shake like he was wracked with violent chills. "Nick?"


The teen made no respond, just coughed and gagged even more while he shook like a leaf. Peering down into the bowl she was met with a big surprise. Once surprise that she could do without. The bowl was coated with a red substance. Blood. Fresh Blood

Downtime - Chapter 18

It all happened so fast!

Before Nick knew what had hit him the room was filled with people, dressed in white, and they were all talking to him, poking at him. He wanted to yell at them to go away but he felt too weak to do anything but moan. Moan and lay on his side, holding his stomach in a tight grip. His head hurt and his stomach felt like it would explode any given minute. Dizziness washed over him and the nausea that had hunted him ever since he woke up made it difficult to breathe. The voices in the room were hurting his ears and if he thought that the ache in his stomach had been bad it was nothing compared to what it felt like when the doctor decided to poke at him like he was a toad on a dissecting plate.


Shifting restlessly on the bed Nick bit his lips as he tried to bare the pain. The doctor that had performed his surgery was at his sore wound and tears filled his eyes when the doctor brutally poked him there. It didn’t add to the situation that they kept asking him thousands of questions that he was too weak to answer.


Thankfully the nausea was starting to subside, just to be replaced with a metal taste in his mouth that made him want to gag. He knew it was from the blood that he had upchucked and his body had become stiff with fright when he had seen the discoloured basin. Throwing up blood. Closing his eyes, Nick felt sorry for himself. No matter how he tried he could never win.


A shiver ran through his spine as he thought back to the previous event. He had seen that Brian's mother had been in tears when the personnel came running into his room. Crying, Nick didn’t want to let go of her hand but to his despair he had witnessed how she had been forced out of the room. He had yelled for her to stay, even tried to get out of bed, but firm hands had pushed him back telling him to be still. Feeling like his only safety was going away he had cried silently. Cried out of pain, but also out of feeling lonely. Oh how he longed for his Mom. Longed for someone that would hold him, give him a hug and tell him that everything would be just fine.


Nick sobbed silently. He wanted to yell. Yell to them to let her stay, to bring her back. But all he could do was whimper. Whimper and cry. 'Are you pathetic or what?' he mentally abused himself, his fevered brain playing mind games with him.


Suddenly a new wave of pain pierced through his stomach and he moaned loudly, trying to wrap his legs towards his stomach, like a fetes. But he couldn't move. Everything hurt and he felt even sicker than before. "Oh God," he called out as the ache became worse every second, "Please make it stop."


Just when he thought that the end was near, he felt someone stroking his sweat soaked hair, "Honey I know that it hurts, just try to relax." A female voice whispered softly to him. "You will get something for your pain," the voice continued and in a fog he could feel something wet touching his arm. "This will sting a bit honey, but soon you feel no pain."


Biting his cracked lips, Nick nodded. He was doing his best to lay still and soon he felt a stinging sensation in his arm and a sense of cold travelling through his veins. He wanted to say something, but the pain combined with the shot he just received was making him all woozy and it became too difficult to think.


All he could do was lay there, feeling the numbing sensation spread through out his body and making his head and eyelids feels heavy. He started to sink. Sink slowly into darkness. Before he could feel himself slip away again a last thought crossed his mind, ' Please God, don’t let me die...'


******************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Not a word had been said between the two cousins since they entered the hospital once again. Brian was biting his nails frantically and Kevin studied the board in the elevator with such frenzy, like it was a nude magazine. Their thoughts were about at their little brother and Jackie's emergency call less than an hour ago. Apparently Nick was heading for the worse again and the young men didn't dare to think what could happen.


Brian, red eyed from crying, was wiping his eyes furiously in an attempt to look presentable. Kevin, still not saying anything felt an urge to offer some comfort and placed his hand on his friend's shoulder. "Don't worry," he said hoarsely, "I’m sure that he’ll pull through."


Brian nodded quietly, not daring to open his mouth to say anything. He swallowed hard as he was fighting off the tears again. The door to the car opened and the two cousins walked towards the waiting room with heavy steps. There in a far corner sat Jackie. She looked forlorn and lost and had her eyes closed like she was asleep. Her head jerked up as she heard the two men entering the scene.


"Good that you could come," she said slowly, letting out a small smile. But the smile didn't reach her eyes. Instead she looked so tired that Brian's heart ached with the very sight of her. He had seldom seen his mother so sad and he walked towards her, wrapping his arms around her uttering a desperate, "Mooom!"


"Oh honey," she mumbled tiredly, wrapping her arms around her son.


"We came as fast as we could. How is he?" Brian was talking as fast as he could and it was obvious that he was trying to fight off the urge to start crying. Hugging him tighter Jackie stroked her son’s hair gently in an attempt to relax him. The tension that had him in a grip lessened in her embrace and soon tears rolled down his cheeks, not being stopped at all. “they are working on him.” She swallowed hard.


A darker voice was heard in the room, "What are the doctors saying? How could this happen so fast?" Kevin's voice was filled with just as much tension as Brian's and she felt an urge to hug her nephew too. His always so tall and lanky frame was hunched over in a defeated posture and his bushy eyebrows furrowed. Taking in his dishevelled appearance, Jackie thought how much Kevin would have to endure. When her brother, Kevin's dad, had died it had hurt her nephew so much. Kevin had been a teen that was full of life and emotions until his dad had died. Then he had clamped shut and became more withdrawn. Nowadays he was much too serious for a young man at his age and that had her worried. She reminded him of her brother who she missed very much.


“He has been rolled into OR again. He started throwing up blood and they had to perform surgery again.” Ending the sentence she let out her shaky breath. She was doing her best to keep her courage up and even if she did her best to hide her feelings it had scared her deeply when the teen had started to throw up blood. It reminded her too much of her brother, Kevin's dad, last days alive and she had done her best to suppress that memory and now it was coming back to hunt him. In her mind the thoughts kept pondering that the bleeding could just be from the strain from the heaving, but her hope had quickly diminished when the doctors and nurses came running in to help and then she wasn’t allowed to stay with Nick anymore.


Her sense told her that this was an emergency and it made her heart ache when she saw the thin, pale young boy getting wheeled away quickly into the elevator. That was more than an hour ago and she hadn’t heard from the personnel since then. They were back to basics. Back to where they first found themselves waiting for Nick to come out of surgery. Both Brian and Kevin had listened to her talking without saying a word, visibly shaken.


"What do you think it could be?" Kevin asked when the silence became deafening for too long. "Is it anything serious?" Brian blinked away a tear, swallowing hard as he waited for his mother to say her verdict.


"It could be anything from a strain on his stomach from the previous heaving to a´..to a..." She couldn't bear to say the words,”to a bleeding in his stomach." Twisting her hands Jackie looked up with sorrow in her eyes,”I wish I knew I really do." She sighed deeply again before continuing,”I better call Jane and Bob and inform them off their son’s condition so they can fly home to be with him.” She looked at both of the young men. “Right now I think that all we can do is wait and praying.”

******************************************************************************************************************************************************************


Jackie has been trying to call to Germany several times but no one had answered. They were probably still at the Thanksgiving party although she knew that it was almost dawn at the other side of the world. Johnny Wright had tried calling too but he had come up with the same result and as for now the Carters hadn’t been informed about their son’s critical condition and she silently wondered how they would react when they would find out. Being the mom of Brian she had met Nick’s parents many times but she couldn’t say that she really knew them. They mostly kept to themselves and even if they were kind she always thought that they were a bit distanced, having too much to do with their other children and their professional business.

She knew that they cared for their oldest but deep inside she also thought that they had a strange way of showing it. Nick was often left to tend to himself, although they were fast to say to the media that they were constantly standing by his side. For some strange reason she felt a bond to Nick and during the touring she often asked Brian about the teens health and well being but never in her life could she guess that she would play such a big part of it like she did right now.

The wait had been endless through out the evening and when they finally got some information regarding Nick they had waited for more than two hours. Apparently there had been an internal bleeding in the stomach, in his small intestine, but the surgeons had been able to stop it and now he was in ICU, still unconscious listed in critical condition.


Just like before, over time they had tried to encounter a person to get some information, they had been told to wait. This was getting on their nerves and after the last attempt, half an hour ago, they had heard nothing. Doctors and nurses were running back and forth in to the room and their worried frowns told them that something was not as it should be. Brian had been very impatient and he had been to the reception's desk many times demanding them to fill him in on Nick's condition. Finally he had calmed down and was now resting his head against his mother's shoulder. Kevin too had closed his eyes trying to get some well needed rest. It had been a tiresome day, both mentally as well as physically.


It was quiet in the waiting room, only a young couple was sitting there with them. Jackie had a brief conversation with the mother and it turned out that their seven month old baby was sick with a heart condition and had been in surgery. Upon hearing this Jackie was instantly reminded of her son’s ordeal as a young boy and was so grateful that he had pulled through and was well now. Since Brian had spent the better part of his young childhood in hospitals she was used to this environment and she knew most of the older nurses since that time. Looking at her son that snored softly next to her she ran her hand over his cheek with a gentle touch. She couldn't bear to think what would have happened if she had lost him. A shiver ran through her spine when she thought about how scared and frightened Nick's mother had to be, being in a foreign country and her son really ill.


It had to be morning in Europe and she hoped that Johnny had been able to get a hold of Jane. Shifting uncomfortably in his seat, Brian stirred slightly mumbling, "Any news about Nick?" He still had his eyes closed but it was clear that Brain's thoughts went to his sick friend even in sleep.


"No honey. Nothing. I’ll let you know as soon as I hear something but for now go back to sleep. You need the rest.”


Brian mumbled something unheard and then dozed off again. Her own thoughts were interrupted by a nurse coming into the waiting room. "Mrs. Littrell?"


"Yes?" Jackie snapped her head and attention up. Were they finally getting some information about their young friend?


"There is a phone call for you. A long distance call at the reception desk" The young nurse said, pointing towards the end of the corridor.


Her heart beat fast. It was probably Nick's parents that were calling from Germany, wanting to know how their son was doing. Mr. Wright had probably already called them and told them that Nick had appendicitis and the outlook of telling the Carter's that their son was in critical condition was not something she looked forward too. She did her best not to show either Brian or Kevin how worried she was.


Nodding slightly to the nurse she moved her sons head to the side so she could get up. Brian, who normally was a light sleeper, sat up instantly, "Wha...what is it?" The young man blinked confused, trying to adjust his eyes to the light, noticing his mother standing up he made a move to stand up too, "It’s Nick isn’t it?"


"No honey, I have a phone call. You relax for now and I will be right back" Brian, too tired to say anything, nodded and then leaned his head against the wall. He rubbed his temples with his thumb like he was nursing a headache. Jackie frowned, the last thing they needed was another one sick.


Kevin on the other hand was wide awake now, "Nicks parents?" He asked while he stretched his limbs. When she nodded in response he continued, "What are you going to say to them?"


Sighing heavily she murmured, "I wish I knew." With that she followed the nurse to the reception desk. Stealing herself she grabbed the phone, "Mrs. Littrell here."


"Hi Jackie, It’s me. Jane" Mrs. Carter said sounding like a teenager. Jackie had many times marvelled over how young Nick's mother often acted. Before the older woman had a chance to open her mouth Jane continued, "Johnny called and he left us a message with this telephone number and that we should call you. Is everything alright with your husband?" Nick's mother was talking so fast that there was no stopping in-between.


Harold? It took a moment for the realization to sink into her head. Jane thought that it was her husband that was sick. This meant that Johnny hadn't told her about Nick's condition and this made it all a bit worse. "Noo it is not him that is sick."


"It isn’t?" Jane's tone was a cloud of surprise. "Well, Johnny gave me this message and this phone number and said that I should call this as soon as I could." She sounded so upset that Jackie felt uncomfortable. How was she going to say that Nick was sick, very sick without causing a riot?


Drawing her breath back she started, "It’s Nick that...” She didn't have a chance to continue when she was cut off by Jane who went on and on without listening to the message the older woman was about to say.


"I am sooo grateful that Nick could be at your home over Thanksgiving..you know we had the best party for Aaron today and his performing was such a success. You should really see him, he is like a mini Nick and people are saying that he is even more talented than his older brother. Everybody important was at the Thanksgiving dinner and.." She gushed, talking non stop. Her voice sang when she uttered the words, "They all just luuuuveee him."


For the first time in her life Jackie felt like telling an adult to shut up, but since she was raised from good Christian family she did no such thing. "Jane listen it is Nick that..."


Once again she was cut off.


"Germany, yes the whole of Europe is open for Aaron and I am sooo proud of him since everybody says that he is sooo promising. Just like Nicky." She laughed lightly, "By the way how is he doing? Nick I mean?"


"Nick is in the hospital he...”


A loud gasp was heard on the other line, "The hospital? Why? What happened? What did the boy do now?" There was a tone of accusation in her voice. "Did he fall on those roller blades again?" Answering her own question she continued, "I don’t know how many times I have told that boy to take it easy. The way he is going on he will be in for a real accident someday. You should see him Jackie, Nick is so accident prone and he can be such a klutz. Like that time when he went up to the roof pretending to be superman" She chuckled slightly at the memory, "He jumped off the roof and ended up with a concussion." For a moment Jane got serious, "I hope he hasn’t pulled one of those stunts again because if he has....."


Not listening to what Jane was telling her, Jackie felt that she was getting all worked up. Usually she held a calm position but listening to Nick's mother going on and on was making her angry. How could she talk like that about her own son? "No Jane, Nick has been in to surgery. He has appendicitis!"


"OH NOOO!" Jane yelled out in shock. Calming herself down she continued like it wasn’t affecting her too much, "This is so much like Nickolas! To get something like this when he finally has some downtime. I remember last year at this time when he got the worst flu known to mankind, ohhh he was sooo sick. We even thought he was going to be hospitalized.” Jane said dramatically. “But luckily Nick pulled through as always.” She chuckled, “He is very tough my son and the worst part was that he then infected everyone else in the family and the younger kids were sick long into the New Year.” She added as to state her point, “It was soooo baaaadddd"

Jane Carter could be such a drama queen!

The older woman couldn’t believe her ears. Here she was telling Nick’s mother that her son was out of surgery and all she got back was a lecture about how her son was so prone to all kinds of viruses. This woman was too much!

"By the way how is he doing now?"


"Unfortunately I most say; Not too good. His appendix burst and he developed Peritonitis.."


"Oh MY GOD!" Jane sounded like she was close to tears. "How is myyyyy babyyyy dooooiiing?" Her tone had suddenly changed visibly. Gone were the sarcastic remarks and the talking about Aaron, instead she sounded genuinely upset. "Can I talk to him?"


"Jane there is something I have to say to you.." Jackie was desperately searching for the right words to say without Jane breaking. "There were some complications...."


"Complications?" Jane's voice was a loud shrill. "What are you saying? What is wrong? What happened? Tell meeee!" She was yelling so loud that Jackie had to take away the lure from her ear or she wouldn't go deaf.


"Nick had internal bleeding in his stomach, more exactly small intestine and he has just come out from surgery. He´s still unconscious and they are waiting for him to wake up.” She paused, “Jane he is listed in critical condition.”

A brief silence went on while Nick’s mother took in the information. "Oh Noooo, noooo this can’t be happening, Nooo this can’t be happening, not to meeee." She moaned over and over again like she was in a great deal of pain.


This was not the reaction Jackie had expected yet she did her best to try and comfort the devastated mother and when she thought about the conversation hours later she knew what a great deal of pain the woman had to go through. Her own memory when Brian had been listed critical was etched in her brain and she had done her best to try and calm the younger woman down. Jane Carter had been close to a nervous breakdown.

But there had been something more too and that made Jackie feel just as upset. Even though Nick was very sick Jane had questioned if it was really necessary for her to leave to go back to the states. After all there was not much she said that she could do right now, but wait and talk to the doctors. When Jackie had explained that Nick wanted his mother by his side she had said that it was hard to leave Aaron and the daughters since they were in the middle of touring. The older woman had done her best to keep calm but every cell inside her screamed since she refused to think bad thoughts of Nick's mother. Jackie didn't really know Jane and the only times they had met she had acted like she was the perfect all American mother. After this last conversation Jackie was more and more certain that it was all an act. Otherwise she wouldn't have been so concerned over Aaron's touring and paid much more attention to her oldest son. True, Jane had been very upset, even shocked and in the end she had decided to book a flight over ASAP to come for her son. She was a loving mother that was not something Jackie doubted, it was more the way she showed her affection.


"How did it go? What did they say"


"Are they coming?


Both Kevin and Brian were filled with questions and with a deep sigh Jackie told the young men briefly what had been said. Brian was the first to speak up.


"So then she is coming. right?" He looked at his mother and than at Kevin before saying with a drawn out tone, "I’ll bet that Nick will be so happy."


There was something sarcastic in the way he said it that made Jackie give her son a harsh eye. Even if she had made her point clear when it came to Nick's mother, there was no use in the boys feeling the same way. "Yes, she will call us as soon as she gets the tickets. Has there been any information about Nick while I was away?"


"No" Kevin shook his head, "and that disturbs me greatly. The doctors have been in and out of his room, but no one has stopped and talked to us and.."


Brian interrupted his cousin with a small, "This is scaring me. What if the bleeding hasn't stopped? Don’t you think we should know something by now?"


"Brian you are always so impatient" Jackie said with a small smile, and then she became serious, "but yes.. I’ll guess that you are right. It is strange that we have not heard anything but right now we can do nothing but wait. Wait and see what happens."


”I hate this waiting" Brian uttered with detest. A short nod was noticed from Kevin's direction, "Yeah I know what you mean. I wish there were something we could do..you know. Just sitting here makes me restless" His voice was drowned out by a loud alarm coming from Nick's room and a red signal flashing above his door.


The otherwise empty corridor was filled with personnel in white coats running into Nick's room. One nurse didn't close the door shut enough and in horror they watched the scenario playing up in front of their eyes. A loud booming voice was heard, "He’s crashing. I need the crash cart. NOW!"


A woman's head was seen briefly in the door opening and then the door closed upon them, leaving them wondering what was going on inside the room. It was all so surreal, just like a nightmare was coming to life. They looked at each other, their eyes filled with worry and tears that were burning. Nick was in a much worse condition that they could ever imagine.


There was complete silence in the waiting room. Not even the young couple said anything. The three of them just sat, staring at the closed door where doctors and nurses were working on their friend.


Trying desperately to save his life.

Downtime - Chapter 19

Brian had been sitting staring in front of him for so long that he felt totally empty in his head. His eyes burned from all the tears he’d shed and it seemed like there were no more tears to spare. The clock on the wall read 3.45 am and looking at his side he saw that both his mom and Kevin had fallen asleep and he was the only one awake.

It had been such a hectic day and never in his life had he wanted a repeat performance of this nightmare. It had been exactly three hours since the alarms went off and the words, “He’s crashing!” had been heard. Staring at the closed white door he wondered why it was all silent there now. Doctors had come and gone but for now it had been quiet for an hour and Brian guessed that this was a good sign. If it wasn’t surely they would come out and say something wouldn’t they? Words like; "We’re so sorry, but Nickolas Gene Carter passed away." Would have been uttered and it made him shudder at the mere thought. One doctor had actually taken the time to talk to them, but there had been no further explanation besides that Nick went into cardiac arrest but hat his condition was stabilized for now. He was still unconscious and was under observation but they had managed to stop the bleeding. When Brian had asked if he could come and see his friend he’d been told that for now Nick needed the rest and that he would be able to visit him shortly in the morning.

Closing his eyes the image of his friend appeared on his cornea. . Nick laughing, joking around. Nick jumping on his back and the two of them rolling around on the floor. Kidding around. Playing pranks. Like a bunch of kids. The more memories that came up the more he realized how much he missed his friend. It was almost four years since they had first met each other. He did instantly take a liking to the young, short blond who was sitting on the luggage carry on. Looking lost and forlorn. They had started to talk and when Nick had lit up with the biggest most infectious smile that only he could pull off, Brian felt an electric bond go through his body. Like there was an invisible bond between them. Like they were brothers.


The more they got to know each other the more he started to like the teen. And Nick adored Brian like a God. There could be times when the young teen was so hyper, down right annoying, but this didn't bother him that much. Nick had a good heart that's all that counted. They had the same interests, basketball, music and video games and soon they were spending 24/7 together. It was just natural that Brian had asked Nick to come out for Thanksgiving and even if the teen was so sick in the hospital he didn't regret it. Not one bit.


There was more than one situation when the kid had thrown him in for a real loop. Brian was surprised over how mature the kid could act in certain situations, then in others so much younger than his real age. The teen was just 15, yet he’d been robbed from a big part of his childhood already. Another thing that puzzled Brian was the way he thought that Nick’s parents, especially his Mom treated him. It was not that she didn't love her son, No it was more that she was too wrapped up in making her sons stars that she forgot to ask them what they wanted. Jane was a real stage mom. There had been more than one occasion when Brian had found his friend in the hotel room, crying his eyes out. When he’d asked what was the matter Nick had told him, between the sobs that he was homesick and wanted to go home and be with his family and friends. He wanted to live a life like any other teen in his age.


Nick didn't have it easy on the road, but he was born with a stubborn personality, never giving up in any situation. This was a time when Brian hoped that his stubbornness would come in handy.


Nick had to pull through or he didn't know what to do!


Shifting uncomfortably on the hard chair Brian felt the need to stretch his legs and go for a walk. There was also a pressing need making it notable and he decided to take a quick visit to the restroom. Silently he stood up, afraid that his chair would make a sound and he would wake up his mother and Kevin. But they slept away soundly and so did the young couple in the corner and the older man that had entered the scene earlier on in the night.


On his way back from the restroom Brian stopped in front of Nick's room. He stared at the closed door several minutes before leaning his ear against the door, hoping to hear any life signs. But it was all silent. Curiosity combined with fear got the better part out of him and he looked around in the empty corridor. To his relief he noticed that he was all alone and he could see in the waiting room that no one woke up. Grabbing the door handle he opened the door slowly and was met with a vision that would never leave his mind.


There, in the white sterile room lay his friend on the hospital bed looking as white as the sheet that lay upon him. If it wasn't for all the tubes and wires attached to the teen, Brian would have thought that he was dead. A machine was beeping next to him in the same rate as his heart beat and on a screen there was a scale measuring the same as well as the oxygen he had in his blood. As if that wasn't enough a tube was stuck down his throat again and a machine was helping him to breathe. There was also a tube running from his stomach pumping yellow substance into a bag.


He let out a loud gasp.


The young nurse sitting by the teen’s side looked up and when noticing Brian she smiled gently and nodded for him to come inside. Brian felt his cheeks go red since he knew that he was in a restricted area. Their eyes met for a brief period and the nurse asked, "Yes?”

“Eh..Uh I just came to see how Nick was doing.” Brian fidgeted uncomfortable while he made a move to close the door again.

The young blonde nurse smiled towards him. “It’s ok you can come in.” When he made no move to follow her suggestion she motioned with her hand towards Nick’s bed. “Well, come on then.”

Brian swallowed nervously. "But..But can I..I mean we are not allowed to come in. Is it really ok? I mean isn’t he still unconscious?" His voice cracked from crying as well as the intense moment he was experiencing in the room.


“Yes he is but his over all condition is a bit better and I don’t think it would hurt if you just came in for a minute or two.”

"Ok" Brian was so wrapped up in the situation that he could do nothing but obey. With hesitating steps he moved up to the bed where his friend lay unconscious. Nick was as so pale that he was almost blue in his complexion and for an instant Brian thought that he might be dead. "How is he do..doing?" he stuttered, looking at the nurse.


"A bit better, but he is still listed as critical. Hopefully he will wake up soon." She adjusted his IV line. "It’s soon time for him to get some more medication."


"What’s he getting?” He felt like a real nerd asking a question like that but he had to say something.

"Antibiotics and pain medication."


"Oh!" Pointing to the machines he said, "What is all that good for?"


"Oh..all kinds of things." After telling him what all the cords were connected to she stopped suddenly, studying him from her seat. “You’re Harry's brother aren’t you?”

“Huh?”

“Harry Littrell. His little brother I mean.”

Surprised over the sudden comment Brian nodded, "Ye..Yeah."


"I thought so." She smiled and Brian noticed she was actually very attractive and if he didn't have Samantha he would have thought about her both one and two times. Nick would be one lucky guy when he woke up! Still he felt confused why she would ask him such a question.

"Well, tell Harry that Marianne said Hi."


"Huh?" Was she hitting on his brother when his friend was laying here deathly ill? He looked at her with a confused expression on his face.


"Ohhh," she laughed lightly "I used to go with Harry in high school. He was a senior when I was a junior.” Noticing Brian’s confused expression she explained. “We dated for a while. A blush could be seen on her cheeks like she remembered some memories then she chuckled, “Now when I came to think of it you’re looking a bit like him. Just as handsome.”

Brian didn’t know what he was going to say. He laughed too, a bit embarrassed. Then he remembered the reason why he was in the room and he said slowly, "What is that?" he pointed towards the line that ran from his friend’s stomach.


"It is draining the puss that has built in his stomach from the ruptured appendix. Draining out the infection"

“Ok.” Brian felt uncomfortable. All this hospital stuff made him feel uneasy and he didn’t know if he should stay or not.

The nurse must has sensed his doubts, “Come on and sit over here.” She patted on the empty chair next to her. Not wanting to act like a fool Brian nodded and then moved slowly over to the bed. Looking down at his friend he felt his tears stung in his eyes. His friend looked so pale and sick and Nicks fragile appearance made him hesitate if he should take his hand or not.

Noticing the young man’s hesitation the nurse said gently, “You know even if your friend is unconscious you can still talk to him. As a matter of fact I think it would do him good to know that he has such a great friend that is here for him. Caring. “

“’k” Brian’s throat felt at once very dry even tough he was fighting for the tears that threatened to spill over. Sitting down on the hard plastic chair he took the teens hand in his. It was cold and clammy. “Hi..hi bu..buddy.” Brian croaked then it was like a flood broke free. His tears rolled down his cheeks and he whispered “Nick..Nick come on. Wake up. We need you.”

When the teen made no signs of recognition he turned to the young nurse, “You think he’ll be ok? That he'll make it?” His words were thick with emotions and he had a hard time talking.

“Yes.” She looked sternly at him like she wanted to push away all the doubts he had away. “But you have one sick puppy here that’s for sure. He’s really been through the wringer but I think he’ll make it even if we can’t say that he is out of the woods yet.” Shaking her head she asked, “He’s a fighter isn’t he?”

“Yeah.” Brian nodded in agreement. “Yes Nick is a fighter. He’s a survivor.” The more he said it the more he knew he was telling the truth.

***************************************************************************


Nick was flying.

Flying high, high up above the trees. Flying much higher than the birds. If he wanted he could reach out and touch the clouds with his hands. Looking down he noticed that everything was so small, just like toothpicks and he smiled to himself when a feeling of freedom washed over him. There were no bounds, nothing that could stop him from going higher. Stop him from reaching God.

He was aiming for the sky when he heard a voice saying his name. It was silent, almost like a whisper, calling for him, urging him to turn around. To go back. But he didn't want to leave. It felt so warm up in the sky, the sun shining making him feel warm and secure. He was finally free, free to do what he wanted to. No pain, nothing that could bind him. Just freedom and happiness.

But the voice was becoming more persistent. Louder. "Nick, Nick.. We need you. Come on wake up." The voice was crying. "Please Frack!"

It was disturbing him, making him hesitate in his escape. It would feel so good to let go, let out his soul and just become one with the eternity. But the voice kept stopping him. He had reached so high that he had to make a decision. Make up his mind. Should he go back or should he continue his journey out to the unknown?

Even though he didn't want to admit it the voice was making him feel loved and he could feel himself starting to loose altitude. He tried his best to hold himself up but the voice held such a force that he felt himself being drawn into its power. Just like a big tornado. It was going fast, making him spin and before he knew it he was sucked into the roof, down into the room and onto his bed and into his body again.

Nick crashed on impact.

The second he went back into his body he could feel life coming back into him, making him shift slightly. Like in haze, although he couldn't manage to open his eyes he could see a person standing hunched over him, tears running down his cheeks.

Brian!

It was his best friend through thick and thin who cried. Nick wanted to reach out his hand to comfort him, saying that everything was all right but he couldn't move, much less talk. He struggled so hard to wake up but every attempt to do so was futile. A burning sensation was felt in his stomach and it escalated by the second. Soon his lower section was in so much pain that he thought he would explode. It was like someone had put a torch inside his belly. He was trapped. Trapped in a living hell with no way to escape.

If only he could make himself heard! Just when he thought that he couldn't take anymore pain he could feel something cold running in his veins and a numbing sensation was spread through out the body. Slowly the substance was making the previous pain just to be a memory and he could feel himself sinking further into himself. Now he was floating. Floating on the waves. Floating in the world. High as a kite.

The next time Nick woke up he was more lucid than before. This time he could hear an annoying beeping sound next to him and he was feeling the same strange stuck up feeling in his throat like he had done before. The device made him want to cough and he desperately wanted it out off his way. Gagging he tried to get it out but no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get the tube out of his throat or his nose. Sighing he gave up to inevitable, having to suffer instead.

"He’s starting to wake up," a voice could be heard in the background and instantly he felt someone by his side and that person was holding his hand.

Struggling he did his best to open his eyelids but they felt so heavy that no matter how he tried he couldn't get them to cooperate. The same was with his limbs. They all ached like he had been attacked with the worst of flu virus and the more he was coming too he started to think it was a bad idea to wake up at all. The more he became aware of his surroundings the more his body ached and he wanted to go back to sleep again. Wanted to go back to that flying sensation again. He could feel someone patting his cheek lightly urging him to wake up some more. This was annoying him greatly and Nick wanted to swat off whoever was manhandling him in that way. "G..g..go a..away," he croaked hoarsely, but all he could get out was a groan. The tube was so stuck down his throat and it had to go!

Gagging hard he tried to vomit up the device up but all he manage was to get bile into his throat, making him feel even worse than before. Choking him. It scared the people around him too since he could hear them yell something and then the device was moved and his head was tipped aside.

In all the misery Nick wanted to smile. Mission accomplished.

Since he was still too gone to make out what anyone said he didn't know what move they made either. During his bouts of heaves he felt something cold inside his veins again. No doubt he was getting another injection. The voices that were very blurry and making it hard for him to focus. The words nausea, sleep and sick was something that he could understand but he wasn't well, enough to communicate this to the world. Then he sank back to the darkness again.

***************************************************************************

It had been a long night, a very long night. Jackie, Brian and Kevin had been sleeping on and off on the hard and uncomfortable couches in the waiting room and their limbs felt all stiff and achy. Luckily they had been able to place their legs on the small table in front of the sofa and in that way made a small cot. Brian was the only one that had been walking and when he had come back from visiting Nick he had quietly turned back to his corner.

"Mrs. Littrell?" A nurse in the upper middle age asked the crowed upon entering the room.

"Yes?" Jackie frowned. What had happened now? Both Brian and Kevin felt scared too as they also turned their attention to the nurse.

The nurse sensing their fear smiled friendly, "Oh there is nothing to be concerned about. Young Mr. Nickolas Carter is doing just fine. As a matter of fact he is starting to regain more and more consciousness and he has already asked for his mother and Brian!"

Upon hearing this Brian's heart beat faster. Was Nick calling out for him? Had his words come through when he was talking to him last night? "He asked for me?"

"Yes. That is if you’re Brian.” She smiled towards him and they could all sense that the tension that had hung high in the air the previous night was gone which made them all think that Nick most indeed be doing much better.

"Mmmm." The Kentuckian nodded.

"Great. Well, then he would like you to come and sit with him for a while. I must warn you though that he hasn’t woken up fully yet and is still in a lot of pain although he is getting strong pain medication." She turned her attention towards Jackie." Since you’re the one that is in charge of the patient when his parents are away I would like you to come and visit him too.”

"That sounds fine by me" The older woman stood up to follow the nurse into the room, turning her attention towards her son she asked, "You’re not coming?"

"Yeah..Mom. I will. I’ll just need to have a few words with Kev first.”

The older man looked at his cousin but said nothing. If Brian wanted to talk to him about something and that was fine by him too. The fact that Nick hadn’t asked for him hurt a bit but at the same time he knew how much the teen liked his cousin and that was ok by him.

“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” Jackie asked but Brian shook his head.

“Nah..I´ll be right there. You go on and go.”

"Oh ok," Jackie smiled briefly, "well then come in when you’re ready" With that she walked away.

As soon as Brian and Kevin were alone the younger man asked, "You’re not getting upset over that Nick called for me and not for you?" He had seen the disappointment in the older man's eyes and knew that Kevin cared very much for the young teen. Much more than he would say out loud. He’d been so very quiet and Brian started to worry that he had upset his cousin over something.

"No" His friend shook his head, "No, that is fine with me" He was trying hard to act like he didn’t care although Brian sensed that it wasn’t the entire truth. "As a matter of fact I think I’m going back home. Mom would probably want to know how Nick is doing and I really would like to see Kristin before this holiday is over" He stood up, stretching his arms.

“Yeah.” Brian sighed then he added, "Some Thanksgiving this was. Don’t you agree?"

"Yes but well what do you expect with inviting Kaos?” Kevin frowned. "Wherever that kid goes there is trouble."

"Awww now you’re not being fair," Brian shot. "Nick can’t help that he became sick, no more than you could help that you had your appendix taken out in Germany"

"Ohhh I didn’t mean it like that," Kevin clarified, "I meant that the kid has bad luck and he really needed this downtime to rest" The tall man sighed, "God knows that management is driving him really hard"

Brian nodded, "Yes you’re right. You know sometimes I wonder how Nick manages it, all the stress and demands. But then I think that he is a tough nut to crack so he will probably pull through without any damage.”

"Well I’m sure that you’re right. I’m going to go for now and I will be back later instead." Kevin grabbed his coat, "I’ll call Bone and D and inform them of Nick's illness"

“Sounds like a plan." Brian stretched his limbs too. In his mind he was debating whether or not he should tell his cousin that he had been to see Nick in the night. He decided pro. "Kev!"

“Yes?” The dark man turned around with a questioning expression on his face.

"I went to see Nick last night" So there he had revealed his secret.

"You did?"

"Yeah... the door was opened a bit so I "accidentally" looked inside and..and the nurse asked me if I wanted to stay with Nick for a while.” He shivered at the memory. “I’ll tell you Kev it was bad. Nick looked bad.”

“Oh.”

Then he remembered something that he had to ask his older cousin about. “She wanted me to talk to him even tough he was unconscious you know.” Noticing Kevin’s frown he added, “She told me that he could hear what I said and I talked to him and that was when it happened. Something strange happened.”

“Huh?” Kevin looked like he thought Brian was talking gibberish.

“It felt like he really heard me. You know like we had some kind of connection!”

“A connection?” It was clear that the older man wasn’t following his words. “What do you mean?” When Brian didn’t answer at first he went on. “"The only connections you two have are those pranks and the fact that you can both be very childish."

These words had Brian groaning. "No Kev I’m serious. It was like he was at a very dark place, almost like he was close to dying and when I talked to him he reached out for me and we kind of connected" He looked upon Kevin who seemed like he had just heard a ghost story. "You don’t know what I’m talking about?"

"No!" With that the conversation was cut short. "Now go in and sit with Nicky for a while, he needs you. I’m going to go home for a while.”

Disappointed of Kevin’s lack of interested Brian shrugged. “Ok.”

The older man patted his friends shoulder. “Brian I have no doubt that you talked to him and felt something but also remember that it was late at night and that you was very tired.”

The younger boy opened his mouth to object when Kevin cut him short. “I gotta go now but say hey to Nick when he wakes up and tell him that I will visit him later in the evening.” With that Kevin waved a short good bye and walked quickly towards the elevator.

Brian stood there watching his cousin disappear around the corner and as soon as he was out of reach he sank down on the sofa again in a vain attempt to collect his thoughts. Even if Kevin hadn’t believed him he was sure that something had happened. That he had reached out for Nick in the darkness he was in and that he had managed to drag him out towards the light again. The incidents from last night were still fresh in his mind and he couldn’t help to think that he had done something that made the outcome change. How he had no idea but it felt good. Making him certain that his little brother would be all right again.

Downtime - Chapter 20

Yet there was something strangely comforting with the way he was feeling. After all he was alive and happy to be back in the land of living. Being unconscious made him feel confused and when the nurse sitting by his bed had told him that he had been through the wringer he had a hard time understanding what she was talking about. She made him try to stay awake when all he wanted was to go back to sleep again. Thinking that they were nothing but a bunch of tortures Nick had called out for his mom as well as Brian. He had a vague memory that he had been a bit agitated when they wouldn’t listen that he wanted someone by his side.
Nick wasn’t a cry-baby, had never been and would never be, but at that very moment when he woke up feeling so bad he felt tears roll down his cheek. The nurse, too old to be his mother had hushed him down and then told him that everything would be fine before wiping away the evidence of how weak and miserable he was feeling. She was the one coming to his rescue and when she told him that she was going to get someone he had thought he was dreaming. It was so hot and uncomfortable that the sheets on his body felt all sticky and achy. This was a safe sign that he was running a fever; presumably a high one and he wanted so badly for his mom to be there for him. Opening his eyes he scanned the room only to find Brian and his mother sitting next to him on chairs. Brian was engrossed in reading a magazine while Jackie sat beside him, her warm brown eyes looking down at him.

“Hello Nick,” she smiled. “You have been sleeping for quite awhile, haven’t you?” When he didn’t answer and instead let out a groan of being displeased, she continued, this time with a worried tone in her voice, “What’s the matter honey? Are you in much pain?”

All he could do was whimper in response and even that hurt.

“You want me to call the nurse? Ask her to give you something for the pain?”

He had no chance to make a response since at that very moment Brian decided to join into the conversation. “Hey buddy,” he said. “I thought you were a goner there for a moment. But I’m glad that you decided not to drop out on us.” He let up a smile. A smile that only Brian could do. It had warmth and attitude and happiness and seriousness. It was hard to describe but Nick recognized it even in the midst of his own desperation. It was strangely comforting and it was Brian’s way of caring.

“Honey you want me to call for the doctor?” Jackie was there with her questions again and when he didn’t answer due to a wave of pain in his abdomen the older woman told something to her son who immediately got up and left the room.

He frowned back at her. Where did Brian go?

“I sent him to get your doctor,” Jackie explained, and then she said with a serious tone, “Is it your stomach that is bothering you so much? You think you’re going to be sick? She reached for the basin when he stopped her hand.”

“Do..Don’t..I’m fi..fine.”

Her eyes told him that he was far from fine but she stopped her actions and instead went back to holding his hand. That time Nick saw his opportunity to ask what had happened since he had no memory of it all. “ Wha..what happened? Why am I laying here?”

“You don’t remember?”

“Nooo.” He licked his lips. That was the truth. No matter how hard he tried he couldn’t remember the reason for him staying in the hospital or why his stomach hurt so much. And the strange words Brian had uttered didn’t help much either. It was all very confusing.

“Nick you have been very ill. Very, very ill.” She had a serious frown on her forehead. “You were diagnosed with appendicitis and they had to remove your appendix, but it burst before they could do that so it resulted in internal bleeding. It’s called Peritonitis and it can be very dangerous if not treated right away.” " Ohhhh." No wonder that he felt so bad.

“When you first came into the hospital they were afraid that you had gone into shock.”

Nick’s eyes widened. This sounded more serious than he’d ever thought it would be. As if that wasn’t enough Jackie continued with her story, “You have been running a very high temperature too and if I’m not mistaken I think it’s still too high.” She felt his forehead. “Yes it’s still there,” she snickered.

He didn’t know what to say, but the more she told him the more everything was starting to make sense. The memory of the previous days were coming back to him and it was no wonder that he’d felt so miserable, especially the day before. As if thing’s were not bad enough Jackie told him that he had an infection too and that was why he had antibiotics pumping into his system through the IV line. Now he understood what that nurse had meant when she’d told him that he’d been really through the wringer.

Nick was starting to get tired, yet he had to find the answer to one question that tortured his mind all the time. Where was his mother and why wasn’t she there with him? He coughed as to clear his voice before he took the courage to ask what haunted him. “Is..Is my mom here?”

Brian’s mom jumped a little at the question and suddenly Nick didn’t know if he wanted her to answer it. It was clear that she wasn’t there but he had to ask. After all she could’ve been to the restroom or down the cafeteria for all he knew.

“No Nick.” Jackie looked at him. “She isn’t. Jane and Bob are in Germany with Aaron.”

Nick could see how uncomfortable she was with the answer and he felt a bit bad for asking her the following sentence but he just had to know. Had to know if they cared about him enough to get on a plane and come and be with him. “Is she..Are they coming?” For a moment it felt like the time went in slow motion and it felt like forever before Brian’s mom made a reply.

“Nick…it’s a long way to Germany and it’s not that easy to get plane tickets over here.”

“But they do know that I’m ill don’t they?” His tone went up in falsetto and even if it hurt his stomach to talk he didn’t care. He just had to know the answer to that question.

“Yes honey,” she smiled at him before stroking the sweaty bangs from his forehead. “Yes I called them and they sent you their love. They hoped that you would be better soon..”

Nick interrupted her… “But they are not coming are they?”

Jackie sighed. “Nick..like I said it’s not that easy. It can be very complicated and…”

“And what?” The calm the teen had tried to muster was suddenly shot to hell and even if the pure movement made his stomach hurt so much that he thought he would pass out he still felt both angry and sad. Disappointing. His mom, his dad would not be coming to see him even if he was as sick as he was now. Didn’t they care about him at all?

“Nick calm down. It won’t do you any good to be this agitated.” Jackie tried to get him to relax but it was futile. Tears were running down his eyes and no matter how hard he tried to bite back the sadness he couldn’t. It was bad enough that they had left him on Thanksgiving, now they wouldn’t come to him even if he was sick. What kind of parents were they? Didn’t they love him? Wasn’t he good enough for them?

He could feel Brian’s mother give him a hug, “Sweetie you’re tired. That is why everything seems so hard right now. And you’re in pain too. Like I said before Jane is trying to get some tickets and I’m sure that they will try and come to you if they can. For now try and rest. You have been through a hard time and you’re still very weak.”

But Nick didn’t want to hear those words. Instead he mumbled, “I don’t care.” He then tried to roll on his side, even if the stitches hurt his stomach more than he could imagine. Yet he did nothing to tell anyone how bad he felt. The pain was strangely comforting. At least it made him realize that he was still alive.

“Where did Brian go?” Jackie mumbled to herself when she saw the action the sick teen was taking. Her son was taking much too long and she stood up so she could get the doctor by herself. At that very moment the door opened and in came Brian, the doctor and a nurse.

“It’s about time,” she muttered. Ignoring her comment the doctor walked briskly into the room and over to the bed.

“I heard you woke up Nickolas,” he said with a booming voice. Nick who was feeling too miserable both mentally and physically didn’t answer and instead sobbed under the covers.

The doctor frowned, “Did something happen that I should know of?”

The older woman was about to say no when Nick piped up, “Only that my mom and dad don’t care about me enough to come and visit me when I’m sick.” The words hit like arrows through the people standing in the room and the doctor, who was known to be a hard headed man said, “I doubt that your parents wouldn’t care...”

“But I do..And they don’t.” Nick interrupted, still his head under the covers.

The burlesque doctor placed his large hand on Nick’s shoulder and then said with a much gentler voice, “If that is the case, which I still pretty much doubt.” When Nick opened his mouth to object he held up his hand, “Oh let me finish.” When there was no further interruption he went on, “Anyway I’m pretty sure that they would have some very good reasons for not coming here.”

“They are in Germany with his little brother. Touring.” Brian felt he had to explain the situation.

“Oh that would explain a good deal,” the doctor smiled to Nick who had taken off his covers again. “That is a rather long distance.”

“I know,” Nick mumbled. “I have been there. Several times. Touring. But it’s not too far to come for their son.” The last words were said in silence but everyone in the room heard it.

The doctor however, choosed to ignore that very last comment. “Even if I can understand your disappointment I want you to try thinking of other things beside that. You have been a very sick boy and for a while there, we were afraid that we would loose you.”

“Apparently my parents didn’t think so.” Nick hadn’t still left the feelings of being left out. Of being forgotten.

Once again the doctor acted like he hadn’t heard a word and instead he said, “The appendicitis you had Nickolas was in a very late stage. It was so late that your appendix burst and that is what caused the infection that you’re battling right now.”

“I know,” Nick mumbled. “Brian’s mom told me that.”

“Good.” The doctor smiled since his patient was back from under the covers. “Nickolas even if you don’t think so, you are one lucky boy to be alive. “

“Yes,” the nurse filled in. “You had a close call.”

Nick looked up. He didn’t think he was very lucky. Here he was lying in a hospital bed, feeling sicker than ever before; his stomach about to explode and his heart aching for his mom and dad to care for him. “Maybe it would have been better for everyone if I had died,. I always mess up.”

“Don’t say that”

“But it’s true.” Nick objected. “Look at me. I’m getting invited to Brian’s for Thanks giving and give my luck, I end up in the hospital. Talk about being a nuisance, a failure. Not even my own mom and dad cares about me enough to come and see me.

Nick's voice was weak but the selfpity was evident.

“No Nick don’t say that. You are a fantastic boy and we care so much about you. You are so welcome to our house and it’s not your fault that you ended up in the hospital.” Jackie smiled at him and Nick could feel the warmth and kindness radiate from her. But it wasn’t Brian’s mom who made him realize that he wasn’t the bad person that he made himself out to be.

“Yes Kaos. Listen to mom, she's right. I really wanted you to come here and it doesn’t matter that you have been sick most of the time. I’m still happy to have you here.” Brian smiled at him. “Nick you’re my buddy. You’re my little brother and I love you no matter what you think of yourself. “

For the first time since Nick had arrived in Kentucky he felt a reason to smile. Not just with his lips but with his eyes. It was true. Brian had really wanted him to come. He wasn’t just a nuisance, someone to feel sorry for. He was cared for and the best of all he was Brian’s brother. His little brother.

Downtime - Chapter 21

”You’re not bullshitting me are you?”

“No AJ. I told you. He was a goner.” Brian stated loud and clear and for what seemed to be the umpteenth time that day he’d spilled the news to someone. It was past lunch time and after getting home to eat, change clothes and take a quick nap, he called up AJ to tell him about what was going on with Nick. The rebel, who spent Thanksgiving at home with his mom and girlfriend, became shocked when he heard the news Brian brought along. Kevin had taken on the task to call Howie and Johnny as well as Lou had been informed of the ailment their youngest member had encountered.

“He’s always been a goner.” AJ laughed. “Nothing new there.”

“Jay can’t you be serious?” Brian felt annoyed. “His heart stopped and we were so close to loosing him and all you can do is joke about it.”

“I’m sorry.” There was genuine regret in his friend’s tone. “Was it that bad?”

“Yes!”

Brief pause. “You’re telling the truth, ain’t you B’rok?”

“Yes! That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you.” The older boy sighed. The pressure and the stress the last twenty four hours had put on him was starting to catch up on him and the emotional and mental stress he felt send him nearly to the verge of exhaustion.

“So he was close to dying?” The words were slowly starting to sink in for his friend. “Was Kev there too? “

“Ye..I mean no. Not when he almost died. It was only me in there ..Ok the nurse too..But you get my point.”

“Uh huh. But he is getting better..Right?” Brian could hear on his friend’s voice that it bothered AJ more than he would admit. He and Nick had always had a strange relationship. They often fought but at the same time they were as close as brothers only can be.

“Yeah.”

“It won’t be long until he comes home..right?” Once again AJ was trying to make sure that everything was all right with their mutual friend.

“Oh I don’t know.” At once Brian felt tired, running his hand through his hair in a tired gesture he mumbled, “God I hope so.”

¨ “Me too.”

There was an uncomfortable silence when Brian decided to spill what had been on his mind all day, ever since that strange incident last night. “Do you think that a person that is close to you can feel when you don’t want them to leave and therefore survive?” Brian knew that it sounded stupid but he just had to know. Had he been imagining things or could there be a truth in it too?

“I don’t know Bri.” Aj sighed, “Besides don’t you know that kind of stuff? I mean you’re the one that has faith and all that.”

“Yeah but still..Do you think he heard me?”

“Like when he was unconscious you mean?”

“Something like that. Yes.” Brian spit out his nail. “So what do you think then Jay?” He was urging for an answer.

“I don’t know.” AJ talked slowly. “I’ve read about something similar in a magazine once and I think it was a TV show on discovery channel once. But that time it was a guy and his girlfriend.” He laughed nervously. “You’re not his girlfriend are you?”

“No!” The Kentuckian snapped. “Be serious will ya.”

“I am serious.”

“AJeeeee” Brian sighed. Maybe this wasn’t a good time bringing up such a topic. He had to blame himself for doing it but in a weird sense he just had to know what was up with the experience he had yesterday. He had felt Nick, that he knew and even if he thought it was far fetched it was like he had something to do with his friend coming back to earth.

His friend must have felt that this was really important to him since he said, “Listen Bri…I know that you’re wondering about all that but I’m not the best person to ask. I don’t know much about stuff like that. If you wanna talk to someone that might know ask Kevin or even better Howie. He’s a catholic and I’m sure he has encountered or heard about people that have been through stuff like that.”

“Ok.” AJ was right. They should just drop it.

Another pause of silence.

“So is Jane there raising all hell now?”

“No.”

“No?” Brian could just sense the confusion his friend felt. He could picture his eyes shoot up in that same way he always did when something surprised him. “Why not? It’s not like her to stay calm in a situation like this!”

“She’s in Germany with Aaron and the rest of the family.”

“Yeah I know that.” AJ acted impatiently. “But I mean what she did when she came down.”

“She hasn’t and it all happened yesterday so I guess she didn’t have time to do so…yet.” Brian said, waiting for a reaction to happen.

”You mean that she hasn’t been to Nick yet?” AJ was yelling so loud that Brian had to hold the lure away from his ear.

“Take it easy,” he snapped back. “There is no need for shouting like that.”

“Sorry.” The rebel calmed down. “I’m just surprised, no more shocked actually, that she hasn’t gone to see her son yet. Or that Bob has.” He drew back his breath, “So when are they scheduled to come then?” The older boy chewed nervously on his nails. When there was no immediate response AJ’s voice rose a knot “Brian! They are coming, aren’t they?”

A deep sigh. “I really don’t know.” That was the truth. That wasn’t an easy question to answer since he’d overheard his mom and dad talking on the phone with each other and the words Jane and Bob Carter had been mentioned. Apparently they were having a hard time getting tickets to a regular flight and none of them wanted to pay the price that it cost to fly overseas in a more expensive way. He knew that his mother had told them to talk to Johnny or Lou and maybe they could help them out by giving them a loan or something. But Jane had refrained for doing such thing and as it looked right now it seemed like Nick would stay parentless until he was feeling better and ready to go back to Florida again.

“This is fucking insane.”

The words that followed about AJ’s thoughts of the issue didn’t leave much for the imagination. He called Nick’s parents everything bad he could make up and for once Brian let him cuss out his anger. When he thought it was enough he said, “Ok Jay I agree with you. They are making a mistake but what should they do? If they can’t get their hands on any tickets to come to Nick…” He was instantly interrupted.

“Can’t get there hands on any tickets? That is a fucking lie.” The younger man acted really upset. “They are just too cheap to get the tickets and if they have little money they could ask Johnny or Lou for financial help.” He snorted. “I’m sure that they have done that many times before.”

Brian didn’t know what to say. Even if he’d overheard his mom and dad talking it felt like he was bringing up Nick’s private life. He didn’t think that the Carters would act like that if they didn’t have good enough reasons and deep inside he hoped that they would get into their senses and that they would come to see their son. “Calm down,” he said when AJ had ranted about how little the Carters cared about their son and that they couldn’t be so stupid to let him down once again. “I’m sure they have their reasons for not being here yet and anyways it only happened yesterday.”

“ Nick has never done anything bad and now he’s so sick that we can laugh ourself lucky that he isn’t buried ten feet under ground. So they better not stand him up this time. Not now when he needs them.” The Kentuckian sighed. AJ was right. He couldn’t have said it better himself. “I’ll talk to mom to see if she has heard anything from Jane. Maybe they are on their way as we speak.”

“Bah” AJ snorted with disgust. “I sincerely doubt that.”

“Well one can never be too sure.” Brian refused to think dark thoughts about Nick’s family, even if he had his doubts about stuff he’d seen and heard of, mainly because he knew how much his friend loved and cared for them. In his opinion the one thing that they could have done better would be to spend more time with their kids and stop being such stage parents. If there was one thing his own folks had taught him it was that money and fame wasn’t everything. There were so many more important aspects in life such as; love and friendship and caring for each other, that was more valuable.

He expected AJ to say something snide back when the rebel surprised him. “Yeah..Maybe you’re right. But in any case I hope that Nicky gets better and that there won’t be any complications. Did the doctor say when he would be able to go home?”

“No.” Brian shook his head. “He just woke up this morning so I’m sure that they want to see how he’s doing first before they tell us anything. Besides he’s still running a pretty high fever and there’s some pretty strong medication getting pumped into his system.”

“Ok..Sounds to me like he isn’t exactly out of the woods yet.”

Brian nodded, “Could be.” At that very moment his eyes caught the digitals on his watch. “OH shit I’ve gotta get going. Kev is going to come and pick me up.” To his dismay he found that he was in a real hurry and they had already talked long enough.

“’k.” AJ said. “Well tell Kaos that I’ll be calling him.”

“.I’ll do that. See you later.”

“Ok later.” Brian was about to hang up when he suddenly heard his friend yell back, “B wait!”

“What?”

“Can you tell him something?” AJ´s voice sounded at once strangled.

“Sure…what do you want me to say to him?”

“Eh..uh,”

AJ was dragging the words along and Brian waited impatiently for an answer. “Ajeee come on..Spill it out. I don’t have all day.”

“Just tell Kaos to get better and that I..That I..love him, man.” Now the words were out and Brian smiled at them. This was so much like the Alexander that he knew. The one that could be a hardass at times but still had a caring heart.

“Ok I’ll do that.” A honking sound outside caught his attention. “I gotta go now. See ya.” Before his friend had a chance to say something back he hung up. Shit he was really late. Kevin had come to pick him up and together they would go back to the hospital to see Nick.

***************************************************************************

It had been a quiet visit since Nick had been asleep most of the time and the only times he was awake he wasn’t lucid enough to know what was going on. Jackie had spent the better part of the day just sitting by his side and now hours later she felt stiff in her joints. Both Brian and Kevin had been in for a short visit but they had left when it appeared that all Nick was doing was sleeping. They had told that they would be back later on though.

Rubbing her hands over her neck she decided that a short break would do her good. Since Nick was still listed in critical condition a nurse took over the task and after she’d made sure that everything was all right with her guest she walked outside to get a breath of fresh air. After the short bathroom break she decided that she had to call Jane to hear if they had got their hands on any tickets and if they were on their way to see their son.

She didn’t have to wait long before a young boy appeared on the other line. It was Nick’s brother Aaron and the boy sounded just as much as an airhead as she’d come to know her young charge to be. “Hey Aaron;” she smiled.

“Hi.” The tone was a bit hesitating like he didn’t know who he was talking to. She decided that it had to be that it was in the middle of the night over in Europe or that they were in an airport.

“It’s me Jackie, Brian’s mom,” she explained to the eight year old.

“Oh hi!” The voice changed immediately and she could almost hear the smile that broke out on the younger boys face. “How’s everything? Are you guys celebrating Thanksgiving?”

The words startled her but she had no chance to ask what he meant when Aaron went on, “I was going to call Nick and tell him happy Thanksgiving since I really miss him but mom told me that you guys were asleep and all so I couldn’t do that now. Besides we’ve been having a party but it’s not so much fun since Nick isn’t here with us you know.” He was talking fast like he was afraid that someone would come and interrupt his conversation.

Jackie felt confused. What did Aaron mean? Didn’t he know about his older brother’s whereabouts? She frowned and debated whether or not she should ask him what he was talking about when she decided that it had to be a reason for Aaron not knowing what was going on. “Aaron,” she said, “Can I speak to Jane please?”

The boy got sullen all at once. “No that isn’t possible. They went to some kind of party or something that they had to tend to with the management. They said it was really important and right now it’s only that stupid nanny , Jill, that mom hired that is here and she is looking after us.”

The words hit Jackie like a storm! Were Jane and Bob at a party when their own son was battling for his life? It couldn’t be possible. The otherwise so calm Jackie Littrell was on the verge of exploding and she was doing her best to stay calm. “Do you know when they will be back?”

“No, but mom said that they wouldn’t be too long since they had to take care of something.” The young boy drew back his breath. “Mom and dad sounded really upset and I don’t think that mom wanted to go since she was crying but then Lou called her up and talked to her and she changed her mind.”

Jackie bit her lip. This was starting to become more and more complex. Just like the life she’d expected Nick to have. A complexed life full of weird situations that was hard to grip. Why Jane and Bob had chosen a party before coming to see their own son was beyond her imagination.

Aaron was the one to cut the silence. “You want her to call you when she gets back?”

“Yes please. That would be fine.” The realisation that the Carters were not coming to see their son slowly sank in and she felt so devastated over the news. Nick had talked over and over again about his family. He had been in a fever haze but still they were the only ones that were on his mind and now they were letting him down. She had to blink away a few tears that appeared in the corner of her eye and as she was about to hung up on Aaron she mentally decided that she had to know if they had any intention of travelling back to the states anytime soon. “Aaron do you know if your parents have talked about going home early?”

The boy sounded puzzled. “No why?” When she didn’t answer at first he became suspicious instead. “Why are you asking that? Did something happen?”

To that question Jackie didn’t know what to answer. She couldn’t say that his older brother, Nick, who he loved and cherished so much, was so sick that they, had almost lost him. She couldn’t say either that his parents had made their choice and went to a party instead of getting tickets and flying back home. It was all too surreal for her and she hoped, she prayed, that they had good reasons for this kind of behaviour.

“No Aaron nothing did happen.” She forced a smile on her lips as well as making her tone seem light. “Just tell your mom and dad that I’ve called and that I want them to phone me as soon as they get back. Ok?”

“Sure.” The childish boy was back again. “So can I speak to Nick now?”

“Nick?” Jane felt confused.

“Yeah you know it’s been a while since I talked to him and I really wanna tell him how great it is to perform and such things and yesterday we had this party for me and it was really cool since the balloons and fireworks and all for me. You know to celebrate that everything is going so great.” He laughed like a really happy kid and at that moment Jackie felt that she didn’t want to spoil his happiness. She suspected that there had been very little of that in the past. Mostly hard work and touring and even if she knew that Aaron loved doing that she was still concerned what would happen to him in the long run. She’d seen with her own eyes what the music industry was capable of doing and she didn’t like an ounce the way Brian and the rest of the boys were getting treated. Especially not by Pearlman and his gang. Johnny was so much better, he was more reasonable but the rest she didn’t give two cents for. There were times when she had wanted Brian to pull out of the business just because she was scared of what would happened in the future but every time her son had assured her that he was doing the right thing and that he loved performing. That was enough to let him continue.

“Are you listening to what I said?” The younger boy cut through her mind again.

“Huh? What? Oh I’m sorry!” The exhaustion was starting to get the better of her and she was having a hard time coping. “I must have thought about something else…what was it you said?”

“I asked if I could talk to Nick.”

Jackie swallowed hard. “I’m afraid that’s not possible at the moment.” She was looking desperately for some excuse to come up with.

“Why not?” Young Aaron was like a copy of Nick, being just as curious.

“Because he and ..and Brian went to the ..the gym!” She knew that the explanation sounded weird but she hoped that Aaron didn’t have much sense to question her. And she was right.

“OH lucky dog! I wish I could go with Brian to the gym too.” Aaron had a dreamy voice.

Jackie couldn’t help but chuckle despite the misery that was going on. She knew that both Nick and Aaron loved Brian like their older brother and to the youngest her son had become like an idol for him. Whenever Aaron met him he would be on his lap or ride a piggy back. It was hilarious to see the way the three youngsters acted when they were at their best. “Yes well I’ll tell him that I’ve talked to you and hopefully he will be able to call you back soon.” Deep inside she knew that it was not good in keeping the truth within but at the same time if Aaron’s parents acted like it was not such a big deal then why would she be the one to spill the news and upset the poor boy even more.

“Ok do that.” Aaron said like he was in some kind of hurry. “Jill is coming so I gotta go.” With that he hung up before she had a chance to react and she was left sitting there with the phone in her hand. Everything she heard was hard to grip but what caught in her heart was the way the Carters acted. With that on her mind she picked up the phone to talk to her husband since he often had good ideas while dealing with difficult things. This was such a situation.

Downtime - Chapter 22
The next day Nick was feeling much better. A good night sleep had done him good and the medication he got pumped into his system helped him cope with the pain he still felt in his stomach. For the first time since he was admitted he actually had the strength to sit up for a while watching TV, which would have been totally unthinkable yesterday. The doctors were very pleased with his rapid progress and if he kept this up he would be out by next week.

The news got Nick all happy since he spent all of his Thanksgiving vacation being sick and now when he was starting to feel better he would soon be back at work. He would be singing, dancing and touring like nothing had happened at all. No rest what so ever. However that wasn’t the entire truth since Johnny had called him and told him that he would get a couple of weeks off so that he would recover faster. When Jackie had heard this she offered him to stay with them until he was feeling better and ready to go back home.

But he had declined the offer. Even though he knew that he should be happy that they wanted him to stay he still felt sad. He missed home but most of all he missed his own family and the fact that they were not here for him disturbed him more than he wanted to admit. There was not a reason that he could think of or accept for why they weren’t there for him when he had been this sick. When he’d asked Jackie if his mom had called she had gotten something sad in her eyes and started talking about something else. Nick hoped, no prayed, that the reason for them not being here for him was not because they felt it was too important to support his little brothers career.

Picking up the remote controller Nick changed the channels. He was bored out of his mind and wished he had at least some of his videogames to kill time with. His stomach still hurt with every move he made and he felt a bit bloated like he’d swallowed a whole balloon. This was kind of embarrassing and when he’d took on the courage to ask the nurse about this, she had told him that it was perfectly normal and that he would have an upset stomach for a while. When they had done the surgery they had pumped him full of air and this was the after effects he was feeling. Dizziness was something else that accompanied him and walking was totally out of the question since it felt like he would topple over at any moment. In other words Nick was still feeling totally miserable.

Oprah blasted out from the television and he watched it disinterested. Her shows had never been high on his list and he only watched talk shows like this if he was totally bored, had nothing else to do or was cooped up sick in bed. Private life was important to him and he could never understand how people could spill their own lives on national television. Being in the Backstreet Boys he had enough of that since ever nosy reporter wanted to know more about his life and he had never liked talking about his family to strangers. It was his private life and that was the way he wanted to keep it, besides what would the media say if they found out that his parents weren’t there with him when he was this sick? In the Media’s eyes the Carters were the All American happy family and he could only hope that the reporters never found out the truth about how “supportive” his family really was. For now this was a secret that he only shared with the Littrell’s as well as the guys and management and he hoped it would stay that way.

The door suddenly opened and his doctor came into the room. “Hi Nick.” A nod was all Nick returned. “I’m so pleased to see that you’re doing so much better.” He gushed as he walked up to the sick teen’s bed. “How are you feeling today?”

“Better I guess.” Nick wasn’t feeling very talkative which was no surprise since he was both in pain physically as well as mentally.

“That’s good,” the doctor mumbled as he checked his chart. “I see that your temperature has gone down a bit which is good since that means that the infection is on the rebound. And it says here that you had a good night’s rest,” he looked up at the teen, “Is that so?”

“Mmm.”

“Ok.” The doctor went on with the reading. “You respond very well to the antibiotics and like I said before if you keep up this good progress in the same way as you do now I don’t see why you couldn’t be released in the beginning of next week.”

That was some great news.

“However Nick I see here that you complained of discomfort in your stomach. That you feel bloated and like nurse Caroline told you that is very common for someone that has had this kind of surgery. You have a gas build-up and if you don’t feel better by the end of the day I will administer some medication so that you can release the gas.”

Nick blushed. His face as red as an overcooked lobster but he was grateful that neither of the guys had been in the room to witness this embarrassing conversation. As if things were not bad enough the doctor asked, “Have you had any bowel movements yet Nickolas?”

“Gulp!” He thought he would swallow his tongue. Man this was so embarrassing. “Eh..uh,” he stuttered while he felt like his face was on fire. The doctor smiled friendly at him.

“There is no need to feel embarrassed. This is something perfectly natural and it’s important for you to tell me if you have done this.” He looked his patient in the eyes. “So have you done that yet Nickolas?”

The teen shook his head, feeling very uncomfortable talking about such private matters. Being a male he often joked about stuff like that with the rest of the guys but this was different. This time it was more clinical, more like an inquisition.

“Ok.” The doctor put down the chart. “There is no need to worry since I am sure that it will come when it’s time.” Upon noticing how uncomfortable his patient looked he quickly changed the topic. “Nick I would like to feel your stomach to make sure that everything heals like it should.” He paused while warming his hands. “I will also check on your incisions.”

Feeling like he had no power to say no, Nick nodded mutely when his doctor lifted up his hospital gown only to reveal a swollen stomach with a compression down below. “This might feel a bit uncomfortable,” the doctor warned. “But I’ll try to be as fast as I can.” Before the blonde had any chance to object he pressed down on the stomach as gently as he could but it didn’t help; it hurt.

“Ouch!” Nick yelped.

The doctor frowned at his patient’s reaction. “Did that hurt?”

“A little,” Nick confessed while biting his lip. He desperately wished that it hadn’t but it did and now he felt so sore.” Suddenly a disturbing thought popped up inside his head. What if everything wasn’t like it should? He opened his mouth to ask what the doctor thought it was when the older man asked, “Does it hurt when I press here?” He prodded on a different area.

“Not really.” The teen suddenly burped from the pressure he felt which resulted in even more blushing.

The doctor chuckled. “Let that one out boy and I’m sure that you will feel much better in no time.” Then he said in a more serious tone, “I will press a bit harder now Nickolas and I want you to tell me if it hurts and in that case which number you think it would be on a scale from 1 to 10.”

Nick didn’t like being a guinea pig but he guessed he had no option. The doctor prodded and pushed and luckily it didn’t hurt all that bad. Until he hit one spot. Nick’s reaction was to nearly jump out of the bed and the doctor got a worried glance in his eyes.

“Does it hurt that bad when I press there?” the older man asked with a frown and then prodded on the sore area.”

“Mmmm..Yeahhh.” Nick bit his lip so hard that it bled. Noticing the doctor’s worried expression he asked, “Is it bad?”

“Hopefully not, but I don’t want to take any chances so I will go ahead and order some tests for you and..”

Nick interrupted him with a yelp. “More tests? I thought you said that I was doing pretty well.”

“You are,” the doctor said but he could see that it wasn’t the entire truth. “It’s important to rule out anything that might delay your already remarkable recovery and don’t you worry,” he patted the teen’s hand, “It’s usually nothing.”

“Will it hurt?” Nick hated tests but guessed he had no choice but to take them.

The older man smiled. “No Nick I promise you that it won’t hurt besides it’s nothing compared to what you’ve been through these past days.”

“That’s a relief.” The teen muttered sarcastically. He really hated doctors and hospitals.

“I will now listen to your bowel movements, try and relax and breathe in and out slowly.” The doctor said as he placed the cold device on Nick’s stomach. When he was done with his examination he said, “ “Everything sounds just fine Nickolas, however you shouldn’t feel as much discomfort as you do when I press down on your stomach and therefore I will administer those tests that I was talking about earlier just to make sure that everything is as fine as we think that it is.”

“Ok.” Nick didn’t feel reassured at all and at that very moment he felt so lonely that he could cry. He really wanted Brian and Kevin and the Littrells with him but mostly he wanted, no correction he needed his own family.

The doctor must have been something of a mind reader since he asked, “Nickolas have you gotten a hold of your parents yet?”

“No.” Not that he had tried either since the pain in his stomach had prevented him from doing any stressful moves.

“I think that it would be a good idea for you to try and call them. I’m sure that they are very worried by now and that as soon as they can they will come and see you.”

“Yeah probably.” Nick hadn’t told the doctor that his parents probably didn’t care that he was sick and therefore they hadn’t showed up. Instead he’d made up a story that they had been delayed even though he hadn’t talked with them ever since he got sick. “Maybe.”

“Not maybe,” the doctor said firmly. “You’re too young Nickolas to be on your own in a situation like this and..”

The young teen interrupted him. “I’m not alone. I have the guys and the Littrells and…”

“Yes I know that, they are such a great support for you but what you need right now is your parents Nickolas, so therefore, I think you should call them. I will have a nurse send in the phone for you.” Before his young patient had a chance to object he went on, “You should try and get some rest and I will be in to check on your later on today. For now bye and,” he paused at the door, “And make that call you need it.”

“Sure.” As soon as the doctor left, Nick let out his breath. The more he pondered over his situation the more miserable he felt. . Lonely and sad. His parents hadn’t even bothered to call him even though he knew that the last days he’d been in no condition to talk on any phone at all. He’d been busy enough to try and stay alive. With a sigh he made up his decision. He would not call them even if it ached in his heart to do so. They had let him down and he would show them that he was strong enough without them.

God knows he had so much baggage. In the beginning of him touring with the guys his mom had been there for him, but then they had decided to work with Aaron too and now all their energy was going to his little brother. He couldn’t help to feel a tad jealous over this. And if they hadn’t decided to ditch him and go to Germany instead they would be there for him now. And he wouldn’t be here alone in a hospital so far from home.

His eyes were starting to get heavy and when he’d relaxed long enough to get some rest the door opened and a young nurse came into his room.

“Hello Nickolas,” she said with a big smile. “I’m coming to deliver you the phone that you asked for earlier.” She sounded much too cheerful for his mood and all he wanted to do was for her to leave the room.

“What does a person have to do to get some sleep here?” he muttered.

Ignoring that last comment the nurse placed a telephone on his bed stand. “Here is what you asked for.”

“I didn’t ask about any phone.”

“Your doctor said you did.”

“He lied.” Nick sulked. “You can take it back. I don’t want it.”

But the nurse made no such move to do so. Instead she smiled at him. “I’ll leave it here in case you change your mind.”

“I won’t.” When he saw that she had no intention of taking the phone with her he muttered, “Whatever.” The minute she had left the room he stared at the phone. Should he or should he not call his parents? He wanted so desperately to hear their voices at the same as he wasn’t sure that they wanted to hear his.

Then a sudden thought popped up in his mind. What if they didn’t know that he was in a hospital? What if Jackie hadn’t been able to reach them? What if something had happened to them? His heart started to beat faster and suddenly he felt that he just had to hear his mom’s voice. He needed to find out that they were all right. With that in mind he picked up the phone dialing the numbers for a long distance call. “Can I get an overseas call please? A collect call…Yes to Germany.” He had a hard time talking and he was starting to run out of energy.

There were several signals and just when he was about to hang up he heard his mother’s voice on the other line.

“Jane Carter here speaking.”

“Mom!” Nick called out with a tone mixed with happiness, sadness and confusion. His voice was filled with pain, both physically and emotionally. He didn’t have a chance to say anything more since the operator cut in asking if the receiver would accept the collect call. Soon he heard his mother’s voice again. “Mom is that you?

“Oh Nicky my baby,” His mother said, her own tone filled with emotions. “Baby how are you feeling?”

Feeling like it was ages since he’d spoken to her, Nick felt that he had to bite back the tears that were threatening to spill over. He missed his mom so much that it hurt even though the pent up feelings of anger and disappointment were making themselves heard. Trying to maintain his calm composure he whispered with a shaky voice, “Why didn’t you call? Why didn’t you come to be with me?” He knew that his tone was accusatory but he had to know. “Mom don’t you know that I’m in the hospital? They have taken my appendix out.”

“Oh sweetie I know but..”

But? What did she mean by but? Anger flared up inside him. What was she doing? Was she trying to find an excuse for not coming? “You stood me up. You didn’t come when I needed you the most.” A violent shiver cut through his body and he didn’t know if it was from the fever or for the fact that there were so many emotions pulling him apart.

“Honey you’ve got to understand.” His mother was doing her best to explain the situation to him. “We haven’t forgotten you baby...It’s much more complicated than that.”

“What’s more complicated then you not wanting to be with me?” Nick was getting tired all of a sudden.

“It’s not that way honey. We love you and you know it.”

He snorted. “Bah.”

“Nick you have to listen to me.” Her voice had a hint of desperation now. “We couldn’t go because of Lou and...” Jane started to tell Nick how much they had wanted to go but that Lou and the management told them that if they left, Aaron’s career would be over. They would disappoint the fans and there was no excuse for such a thing especially when you were trying to make it in the music industry. It was on that term that they had made their decision not to go back to the states, not wanting to jeopardize Aaron’s future. But it had not been an easy thing to do.

Once his mother was done telling her side of the story Nick mumbled with tears in his throat, “I don’t believe you.” This was not the explanation that he had wanted instead it would have felt so much better if she had told him that their were no tickets or that all the planes were cancelled due to bad weather. Not something like this, not that they had to choose which child to support.

“It’s the truth Nicky.” His mother was crying now.

“Don’t call me Nicky.” His tone was hostile. “You don’t care about me so why bother trying to find a reason for not seeing me?” Tears were close now.

“But honey we do want to see you,” his mother started when Nick cut her off.

“Did you know that I got an infection and nearly died?” His tone was cold. There was a yelp from the other side as if she just heard that information or that it was too terrible for her to sink in.

“Don’t say it like that Nickolas.”

“But it’s the truth. While you were with Aaron at his concert I was battling for my life.” Nick swallowed hard like it was strength just to talk. “His success is more important than me!” He screamed to his mother that maybe it was just as good if he was dead since she didn’t care about him anyways. Never before had he felt so lonely and sad. It was like the whole world was against him. Tears were rolling down his face and the pain in his stomach kept getting worse by the minute. It was like all his feelings were trapped in that pain. All feelings of being lonely and left out.

“Honey don’t you see I couldn’t go I...”

He interrupted her again. “I don’t care. You’ve always chosen my siblings when it came down to the point. To you I’m nothing but a pay check.” His tone was cold and the more he said the words the more he realised that they were true.

Jane had panic in her voice, “Honey we will be there for you. Just you wait. We’ll come. We’ll take the first plane and we will come and see you. Don’t worry.” Something in his words must have changed her mind since she was sounding close to panic. The last words he heard before she hung up the phone on him was, “Darling mommy has to go for now but I will come for you. Just you wait and see.”

Suddenly all the pent up feelings he’d held for a long time erupted like a volcano inside him. He started to cry so desperately that it felt like he was about to burst. Strangely the more he cried the more the pain lessened in his stomach and soon he found himself lying down on the bed, sobbing over his own miserable life. It was in that position that the guys found him hours later.

Authors note; Thank you so much for the editing Mare. I really appreaciate it :)