Chapter 1:

"Come here Alexandria!" Nastasia laughed as she watched her seven month old daughter, Alexandria, began to crawl around on the floor. Alexandria looked up at Nastasia and let out a squeal.

"Mama." Alexandria gurgled as she scooted to her mother's side. Nastasia scooped her young daughter up and lavished her with kisses. Today was a special day, and Alexandria knew it too.

"Nastasia! You're wedding gown! Don't wrinkle it!" Nastasia heard a female voice call to her. Nastasia looked to see her soon to be mother-in-law walking towards her.

Today, Nastasia was marrying Howard Dorough. He was the father of Alexandria and had proposed to Nastasia the day her best friend, Lauren, and his best friend, AJ, left for their honeymoon. Everything had gone crazy since then.

"Paula, please stop fussing. It will be all right!" Nastasia laughed as her soon to be sister-in-laws came running over with Lauren. Nastasia beamed as she handed Alexandria over to Lauren.

She and Lauren had been friends forever. Her son, Chase-who's father was AJ- was Nastasia's ring-bearer. She smiled again, she and Lauren were almost sisters. And today, Lauren was her maid of honor.

"After today you're not going to call me Paula anymore missy. It's mom!" Paula laughed as she wagged her finger at Nastasia. She rolled her eyes and smiled, nothing could keep this smile off her face.

"Stazzie, you look fantastic." Lauren gasped as she took Alexandria, who started to fuss after she was taken away from her mother. Nastasia gave Lauren a funny look.

"No I don't." Nastasia laughed.

"You underestimate your beauty!" Pollyanna, one of Howie's sisters, piped up. Nastasia smiled as she did a little twirl.

Her wedding dress was one of a kind. Howie had made sure of that. It was elegant, yet simple. The dress was long and straight, grazing below her knees and slightly flaring out-Nastasia didn't like the big puffy gowns. The gown had no sleeves, just thin spaghetti straps. The back of the dress swooped a little, showing off Nastasia's perfect bronzed tan. The front dipped a little, revieling a little of her abundant amount of clevage. They had a short white train attached to the back though and a long veil decorated with white roses, as insisted by Howie.

Nastasia's hair was twirled into long ringlets, flowing down her back. The honey blonde color gleamed in lighting, dazzeling Lauren beyond belief. Nastasia's ocean green eyes sparkled in the lighting, true happiness was beyond those doors.

All those years Lauren had realized what a dazzeling friend she had. She knew Nastasia was made for a wedding dress. She was the perfect beauty queen, or so Lauren had always thought. Her hips curving at just the right angle, her bosom full and perky, her 5'9" figure slim and perfect. Everything was perfect.

"I do not underestimate me!" Nastasia laughed, "I just can't hold a candle bright enough to reflect my Alexia's beauty!"

Lauren looked down at the little seven month old Alexandria. She already had light blonde curls growing past her ears. She had bright emerald green eyes, like her mother. Alexandria was a mirror reflection of Nastasia, and she even reflected her mother's actions and feelings. Like having a twin, Lauren thought. Although, Alexandria was a sweet child, everyone still spoiled her.

"Alexia is a doll!" Angie, Howie's other sister, chimed in as she looked and admired Nastasia for a moment. "Staz, you are so beautiful."

"Although I don't think I should be wearing white." Nastasia joked. Paula laughed as she gave Nastasia a playful slap.

"You're so calm." Paula answered, "Now you're making me nervous!"

"Nah, she's flipping out on the inside." Lauren laughed, Nastasia made a face at her. Causing Alexandria to laugh. Lauren smiled again, Nastasia always had a way with children.

"Am I ready?" Nastasia called nervously as Alexandria whined for her mother. Nastasia laughed nervously again as she picked up Alexandria and rocked her slowly, quieting Alexandria's cries.

"If only your mother could see darling." Paula smiled as she placed a kiss on Nastasia's cheek. She was grateful that Howie's family accepted her and loved her. She felt like she finally had a place in life.

"She is going to see me. Mom's out there." Nastasia smiled. Paula nodded, she knew Nastasia was refering to Denise, AJ's mother. Nastasia felt she had no other mother than Denise.

"We know baby." Paula laughed.

"Laurie, you don't mind JJ walking me down the isle do you?" Nastasia asked after a few moments. Lauren jumped and smiled, she knew how close AJ and Nastasia were. Nastasia's father had been abusive, so she had no one to walk her down.

"He's yours today." Lauren smiled as she placed a kiss on Nastasia's cheek, still admiring her beautiful friend, "So, are you ready to become Mrs. Howard Dorough?"

"I guess so, I just hope Howie's okay..." Nastasia answered with a nervous laugh. Lauren laughed too. She hoped the guys were all right, but somewhere in Lauren's heart she knew Howie was freaking out.

Chapter 2:

Things weren't going as smoothly in the guy's dressing-room as it was in the girl's dressing-room. Well, for Howie it wasn't. He had become a nervous wreck and had now locked himself in the bathroom after had making himself throw up.

Everyone else was as layed back as possible. Nick and Brian were busy entertaining Chase, Kevin was standing by the closed bathroom door, trying to coax Howie out, but having no such luck; and A.J had left the dressing-room a few minutes earlier to check how the schedule was running.

Chase jumped up and down in front of Brian and Nick with excitement. " See see see? I got a loose toof! " he squealed as he wiggled one of his bottom teeth with a finger.

Brian grinned with a laugh as he ruffled Chase's hair. " That's really great kiddo. Is that your first loose tooth? "

" Uh-huh and I'm gonna pull it out all by myself! " Chase made a pulling motion with his hand. " Yank! "

Nick winced, causing Chase to burst into giggles. " Oh, you think you're funny? " He began to tickle Chase and laughter rang through out the room. Even Kevin looked over and chuckled.

Just then the dressing-room door opened and A.J strided in, followed by Howie's father and brother. He looked around and a puzzled look clouded his face. " Where's D at? " he asked as Chase ran over to him.

" He's locked himself in the bathroom, " Kevin chuckled as he went over to the nearest chair and took a seat.

A.J tried to hold in a laugh because he knew exactly how his friend was feeling. He could remember how nervous he had felt on his wedding day. " I'll take care of this, " he said and walked over to the bathroom door. He raised his fist and knocked. There was no answer and he knocked again. " Yo D, you alright in there? "

" Y-yeah * cough * I'm fine, " Howie replied hoarsly as he flushed the toilet.

" Open the door so I can come in. I wanna talk to you. "

A few seconds passed and the door slowly opened. Howie appeared in the doorway. His cheeks were flushed and his hair wasn't as neat as it had been earlier. He tried to offer a nervous smile, but with no luck, he moved aside and allowed A.J to walk in, shutting the door behind him.

" You look like shit D, " A.J chuckled good-heartedly.

" Thanks J. Th-that makes me feel a lot better, " Howie mumbled sarcastically.

" Sorry Bro, I guess that wasn't the right thing to say, " A.J said and patted his friend on the back. He watched as Howie leaned against the wall and shoved his hands in his pockets. " Is the pre-wedding jitters getting to ya? "

" J-j-just a little, " Howie replied quietly.

" I can tell because I've never seen you get this nervous before. "

" Well, this is kinda different... "

" This is what you need to do - you need to relax, take a deep breath and go out there like you haven't got a worry in the world. Because D, you aren't doing yourself any good by making yourself sick from worry. "

" That's easier said than done... "

" True, but you don't want to make a fool out of yourself and you can't hide in the bathroom forever. "

" No? "

" Nope. So, what do you say you emerge from the bathroom, put on your tux jacket and get ready, because if I'm correct, it's almost time. "

Howie's eyes popped open and his heart began to race. " Um...o-ok... "

Just as they came out of the bathroom, Howie's father approached them.

" Well son, it's time. "

*****

Lauren watched through the double doors as the groom's men gathered up front of the altar. A.J walked down the aisle, towards her, since he would be walking Nastasia down the aisle. He walked up to Lauren and wrapped his arms around her waist.

" Hey baby, " he said and placed a passionate kiss on her soft lips. " Where's Stazzie at? "

" She's coming. She's just getting the final checkovers done. "

" How's she holding up? "

" Even though she's trying to hide it, she's really nervous. How's Howie? "

" His nervousness was making him sick earlier. He was about to lose it, so I gave him a pep talk - though I'm not sure how much it helped... "

" Ok, places people, " the wedding coordinator ordered.

All the bride's maids lined up and Lauren turned to face A.J.

" I'll see you at the end of the aisle babe, " she whispered, placing a tender kiss on his cheek. She then walked over to the front of the line and took her place as the music began.

A.J stood back and out of the corner of his eye, he saw a beautiful figure dressed in white, walking towards him. He turned to her. " Oh Stazzie, you look beautiful, " he said, grinning brightly and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

Nastasia smiled at him, her ocean green eyes glistened over with tears. " Thank-you so much JJ. I'll be forever grateful of you for doing this. You don't know how much this means to me. "

" Walking you down the aisle? I wouldn't have had it any other way sweetheart, " A.J grinned as they linked arms together. " Being able to give you away to my best friend - Stazzie, I couldn't ask for anything more. " A single tear slid down Nastasia's cheek and A.J wiped it away. " I think it's time, you ready? "

" As ready as I'll ever be JJ, " Nastasia whispered as they turned to the door, then they began their journey. The whole time she stared ahead, afraid to let her eyes travel elsewhere. Then her gaze met up with his and his deep brown eyes stared back at her. He couldn't have looked happier standing up there, but she knew deep down, how nervous he was. She could see it. Now she was up there and it was time to put the key in the lock. She gave Howie a nervous glance and he returned it back.

" Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to join two souls, this man and this woman, together in holy matrimony, " the minister began as Howie and Nastasia turned towards each other. " Let us pray... " The place filled with silence and everyone bowed their heads as the minister said the prayer and then he looked back up. " Do you, Howard Dwaine Dorough, take Nastasia Anne Notez, to be your lawfully wedded wife? Do you promise to honor, love and cherish her? Be there for her in sickness and in health? For richer, for poorer, as long as you both shall live? "

Howie gently took Nastasia's hand into his as he stared into her shining eyes. " I do, " he said, placing the ring on her finger.

" And do you, Nastasia Anne Notez, take Howard Dwaine Dorough, to be your lawfully wedded husband? Do you promise to honor, love and cherish him? Be there for him in sickness and in health? For richer, for poorer, as long as you both shall live? "

Nastasia repeated Howie's action and took his hand into her's. She placed the ring on his finger and stared up into his eyes. " I do, " she managed to say, before her voice broke.

" Under the direct guidance of the lord and from the power invested in me by the state of Florida, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride. "

Howie pulled Nastasia into his arms and amazed the crowd with a dazzeling kiss as everyone applauded. He pulled back and grinned and then moved in for another kiss.

Chapter 3:

After the ceremony Howie’s family rented the local town hall for the reception. All the guests were overwhelmed with the ceremony. They all commented on how lovely the ceremony was, how lucky Paula and Hoke were to gain a great daughter, how lovely Nastasia looked, and how lucky Howie was.

Howie and Nastasia were talking quietly on the dance floor with the guys and Lauren. They had already eaten their dinner and were just waiting for the DJ to arrive. Howie and Nastasia were already the perfect couple, and everyone loved to comment on how perfect they looked.

"Aunt Stazzie!" Chase called as he walked with Alexandria over to her. Nastasia stopped talking with Lauren and looked. She smiled warmly as she bent down and Chase stopped as he held onto Alexandria’s small hands.

"Come here baby."Nastasia cooed with another smile. Alexandria squealed with a high pitched laugh, making the crowd chuckle. Howie watched in awe at his two girls.

Alexandria looking like her mother as she smiled again. Nastasia had dressed Alexandria in a simple white sundress, pinning her blonde curls into a high ponytail and wrapping a white rose around it. Howie thought he was the luckiest man in the world.

"Come here baby! Come to mommy!" Nastasia cooed again as Chase released Alexandria’s hands. Alexandria laughed once more as she called for her mother. All eyes turned towards Nastasia, Chase, and Alexandria.

Alexandria felt sure of herself. She cooed loudly as she took her tiny baby steps. Walking carefully and shakily to her mother. Nastasia’s ocean eyes lit up like gems when Alexandria reached her and stretched her arms out.

"BABY!" Nastasia called loudly as she scooped Alexandria into her arms. Howie laughed loudly as everyone started to clap. Nastasia twirled Alexandria in a circle, making her laugh. She then pulled Chase into her arms. "Alexia! You’re so big! My big girl. My baby! Oh, mommy’s soooo proud of you! And Chase! Oh goodness Chase! You helped her! I love you both so much!!!"

*****

"I think she’s a little too happy." AJ grinned as Lauren watched Nastasia lavish kisses on the two children. The photographer smiled as he begun to take pictures of Nastasia and the children.

"What’s that suppose to mean?" Lauren laughed.

"Well, maybe..." AJ pretended to inhale a long drag of a cigarette. Lauren gasped as she leaned and slapped AJ playfully on the shoulder. AJ whimpered as Lauren chuckled.

"She’s happy about being married, let her be happy... In a few hours it’ll start to sink in!" Lauren teased as AJ wrapped his arms around her slim waist.

"Are you saying I was a bad catch?" AJ asked.

"Hmmmm...." Lauren teased a bit more as she leaned up and placed a tender kiss on AJ’s lips. He grinned as he kissed her back, tasting her sweetness.

"Do I get more of that later?"

"If you mean at Howie and Stazzie’s house..."

"Why their house?"

"Because they’re having a small intimate party for them, us, and the rest of the guys. Plus Chaser and Lexie. They want to have some time with their friends, their honeymoon is this weekend babe."

"Oh! I can’t wait for that party. Stazzie is so adorable."

"And so married! Like you are!"

"So, why did you marry me anyway?" AJ asked softly as he left his lips linger near Lauren’s lips. He gave her gold band a tap as she chuckled.

"For your money."

******

"Howie! She walked!" Nastasia cooed brightly as she placed Chase down and walked to Howie with Alexandria in her arms. Howie grinned as he saw the spark in Nastasia’s eyes, something so loving in them.

"She’s a miracle." Howie grinned as Nastasia placed a tender kiss on his lips. He smiled as he kissed her back softly, so happy that she was his now. He loved her more than life itself.

"She’s ours too." Nastasia smiled.

"I’m glad. Great going Alexia. You’re daddy’s little girl!" Howie grinned as he placed a kiss on Alexandria’s forehead. Nastasia smiled, she was grateful that Alexandria had her father.

"Dadda!" Alexandria cooed after a few moments, she puckered her lips up like fish lips and giggled. Howie chuckled softly as Nastasia laughed, he placed a giant kiss on his daughter’s fish lips, another flash.

"Isn’t this a little too much Howie?" Nastasia asked after a few moments as another flash went off. Howie smiled at his wife as he placed another kiss on her lips.

"Not for my wife."

"But-"

"Shh...everything is perfect." Howie smiled as the DJ ran onto the stage. He grinned as he looked around to everyone. Nastasia rolled her eyes as Alexandria let out a soft sigh. She looked down and placed a warm kiss on her daughter’s forehead.

"HEY EVERYONE!" The DJ roared, "Let’s give it up for Mr. and Mrs. Dorough! The reason I’m being paid tonight!" Everyone chuckled. "No really, I remember the last time I was a DJ at Mr. McLean and Mrs. McLean’s wedding. And Mrs. Dorough was pregnant. Of course, the little ray of sunshine in her arms right now was born that day too. What a surprise she was!"

Everyone cheered.

"So, let’s just hope Mrs. McLean isn’t pregnant so I can get a bigger paycheck!" The DJ joked, making everyone laugh as Lauren kissed AJ again. Nastasia smiled as everyone clapped again.

"So, now it’s time for Mr. and Mrs. Dorough to have their first dance as a married couple. So, clear the dance floor people!"

"Here! Staz, give me Lexie." Lauren called with a smile as everyone took their seats to watch Nastasia and Howie dance. Nastasia looked at her friend and hesitated, Howie watched oddly.

"I don’t think it’s right for Alexia not to be in this...I just..." Nastasia felt her voice drift off. Lauren and Howie both knew what she was thinking. Ever since Alexandria was born she had vowed to be a great mother. Since her mother wasn’t there for her when she was younger.

"Me too Staz. I think Alexia should be with us on our first dance. This is her day too and we can’t forget her. She’s a part of this family." Howie smiled as Lauren smiled too. Nastasia placed a kiss on Howie’s cheek as Lauren turned to Nastasia.

"You look beautiful."

"Thanks Laurie."

"Your mom would have been proud."

"She wouldn’t have cared."

"She would of, and if she wouldn't be, I am. I'm very proud Nastasia Anne Dorough!" Lauren grinned.

"Thanks Lauren." Nastasia smiled as she placed a warm kiss on Lauren's cheek and watched her take her seat.

*******

Nastasia watched as AJ, Brian, Kevin, and Nick jumped onto the stage. She felt Howie’s arm slide around her hip and around Alexandria-who was balanced on Nastasia’s right hip. She smiled warmly as she looped her free arm around her new husband’s neck.

"I love you so much Staz." Howie whispered as AJ cued up the song. She heard the lovely rhythmic melody of Yes I Will pound through the speakers. AJ had written the song for Lauren awhile ago, and they placed it on their new album, Black and Blue.

"I love you too. But why are your friends and JJ up there?" She asked as they swayed softly to the beat of AJ’s beautiful voice. She watched as several flashes started to take off.

"Because this song is something I’ve felt for a long time for you. And now I can express it out loud." Howie smiled as he placed his lips to hers as Alexandria sighed softly again. For once Nastasia’s life was going in the right direction, and she hoped it’d stay that way.

Chapter 4:

The wedding reception had been a complete blast and after it was over, everyone headed over to Howie and Nastasia's place. Even though the reception was over, it was still like a party scene at their place.

Everyone was hanging around in the spacious living-room. Lauren had just gotten Chase asleep in the guest room, for it was getting late. And before that, she had put Alexandria down in her crib upstairs because she had fallen asleep not too long before. Nastasia would have done it, but Lauren insisted that she would do it, that it would be no problem.

She walked back downstairs and found everyone lounging around on the couches, while music played in the background. Howie had his left arm drapped around Nastasia as she cuddled next to him and in his other hand was a glass of wine. They sat there kissing each other, Howie whispering sweet words to her in Spanish. Nastasia looked to be enjoying every moment of it as she twirled the wedding band on her finger.

Brian and Nick were engrossed in some basketball game they were playing on Howie's Playstation while Kevin watched on in Amusement. A.J sat alone at the end of one of the couches as he sipped on his own glass of wine, waiting patiently for Lauren to return.

" Did ya miss me? " Lauren asked in a seductive voice as she plopped down beside A.J.

" Oh, you know it babe. What took you so long? " A.J asked as he smothered Lauren's face with kisses, causing her to giggle a little as she gratefully accepted them.

" Well, I had to put Lexie down, which was no problem since she was already asleep, but your son on the other hand, is a little more difficult, " Lauren laughed as she reached for the glass of wine in A.J's hand. " Oh, that's so nice of you to have a glass of wine waiting for me when I came back. "

" Hey! That's mine, " A.J whined as Lauren took the glass from him. Lauren leaned in and hushed him with a passionate kiss then pulled away. " Think I could have seconds on that? " Lauren only nodded and leaned in to engage in another kiss.

*****

" Have the two of you decided where you're going for your honeymoon? " Kevin asked after a while as he grew tired of watching Brian and Nick fuss over the game, which Nick happened to be loosing badly at. Howie and Nastasia were still engaged in their kisses and didn't seem to hear Kevin's questions. Kevin rolled his eyes. " Nobody listens to me anymore. I'm so unloved, " he joked.

" Get a room D! " Nick called out childishly as he set down his controller on the floor.

Howie and Nastasia pulled apart from each other, Howie looking around with confusion. " Did somebody say something? "

" Yeah, I said get a r- "

Brian punched Nick in the shoulder. " Dude, shut up, " he laughed.

" I asked if you guys have decided where you're going for your honeymoon, " Kevin repeated his question.

" Somewhere in the carribbean is all I know, " Nastasia answered. " That's all Howie told me. He won't tell me exactly where though. " She stuck out her bottom lip and gave her husband the puppy dog face.

" Hey, I can't tell you, it's a surprise, " Howie laughed and kissed her. He brought the glass of wine up to his lips and took a long drink.

" Who's gonna watch Alexandria for you while you're gone? " Kevin asked.

" Oh, that reminds me. I've been meaning to ask you Laurie...JJ, but I forgot, " Nastasia piped up with a grin on her face, meaning she hadn't asked them yet on purpose. " You wouldn't mind watching Alexia for us, would you? " She hated the idea of leaving Alexandria for a week, but she knew both her and Howie deserved the time alone.

Lauren smiled and nodded. She thought the world of little Alexandria and didn't mind watching her at all. " We'd love to, " she replied happily.

" Yeah, anything for a friend, " A.J added as he went to reach for the glass of wine back from Lauren, but she held it away from him.

" It's mine now, " she said and took a drink, grinning at him.

" You guys are the best, " Nastasia smiled as she recieved yet another kiss from Howie.

" I know I am, " A.J laughed.

" Can we say 'ego '? " Lauren said as she rolled her eyes.

" EGO! " Nick piped up childishly and Brian punched him in the shoulder. " Hey, " he whimpered as he rubbed his shoulder.

Everyone just laughed at him.

*****

Lauren walked downstairs and found that Nastasia, Alexandria, A.J and Chase were already awake. Chase layed sprawled out on his stomach in front of the tv as he raced against his father on some playstation car game. He looked adorable in his white PJs that were covered with different colored dinosaurs. A.J was sitting on the couch and by the look on his face, it was obvious he was getting beat.

Nastasia kept a close watch on Alexandria who was crawling around the floor, as she cuddled up at one end of the couch. " Watch out for that railing on the side of the road JJ! You're not supposed to run into it and I think one of the objects of the game is to stay ON the road! " she laughed.

" Like I didn't know that Stazzie, " A.J joked as he rolled his eyes.

" Morning, " Lauren greeted as she came up behind A.J and wrapped her arms around his neck. A.J tilted his head and the two of them engaged in a kiss.

" I beat you Daddy! I beat you! " Chase cried out triumphantly.

" That's not fair! Your Mommy distracted me! "

" Oh, you big cry baby, " Lauren laughed as she came and sat by him. " Is Howie still sleeping? "

" Yeah, " Nastasia replied as she pulled Alexandria onto her lap. " I don't think he's going to be feeling very well today... "

" Why do you say that? "

" He was up all night running to the bathroom... "

" Oh... "

" I knew he drank too much, " A.J laughed.

" So I won't be surprised if he has a major hangover. "

Just then, a very tired-looking Howie came stumbling down the stairs. His hair was tied up in a messy ponytail and he had slightly noticable bags under his eyes. He ran a hand over his face as he yawned and sat down next to Nastasia.

" Morning D, how do ya feel? " A.J smirked.

Howie just grumbled.

" What was that? "

" I said I need some asprin, " Howie said, raising his voice a little.

" Got a hang over there? "

" Just a little... " He leaned back into the couch and closed his eyes. Alexandria squirmed off her mother's lap and crawled onto Howie, causing him to jump a little. He opened his eyes and smiled. " Hey there sweetie, " he said as he moved some of his daughter's blond hair out of her face. Though she was a mommy's girl, she was very much a daddy's girl.

" So, what's the plans for today? "

" Me and Staz are going shopping. You guys get to stay home and watch the kids, " Lauren grinned.

" And why didn't we hear about this until now? " A.J asked.

" Because this way, you can't protest that you have plans. "

" I ain't changing any diapers. No way! " A.J exclaimed. " You're on you're own with that D. "

" Thanks, I feel honored, " Howie mumbled.

Chapter 5:

"How did you get out of the house in that little number?!" Lauren laughed as her and Nastasia walked around the mall. Nastasia rolled her eyes. She wore a pair of dark denim flares and a tank top reaching just above her belly button. Lauren laughed, her friend was absolutely drop-dead gorgeous. Nastasia seemed to be even more slimmer than when she had Alexandria, which made Lauren envious again. But, Nastasia never bragged about herself, which made Lauren love her more.

"Howie has a hangover, how the hell would he notice what I was wearing?" Nastasia laughed as they went into the local surf shop. It was one of Nastasia’s favorite stores to shop in for bathing suits.

"True!" Lauren laughed as she watched the man in the store eye them as they walked in. He looked her over, then his eyes stuck to Nastasia. Lauren laughed, he’d sure be shocked to find a wedding band on her finger.

"I’m a little worried about Alexia being home with those three." Nastasia answered as she looked over the bikinis. She needed a new one for her and Howie’s honeymoon this weekend. She wanted to keep it hidden from Howie too, it’d be his surprise.

"Those three?" Lauren laughed as she picked up a bright blue bikini, matching her bright sapphire eyes. She held it up for Nastasia’s approval. Nastasia looked at it and nodded.

"Chase, JJ, and Howie."

"You’ve left Lexie home with Howie before."

"When he was sober!"

"Alex is there."

"My point exactly. We left my child with three children!" Nastasia laughed.

"Chase would be the most mature out of that bunch wouldn’t he?"

"That’s what scares me."

"They’re probably killing each other right now. And Lexie is laughing her head off at them." Lauren suggested as Nastasia picked up a bikini. Lauren gazed at it and pondered it. This bikini was the tube top type with the string bottoms. It was a Hawaiian printed type with bright greens and purples. Lauren thought Nastasia would look fantastic in it.

"Can you believe my baby is starting to walk? She’s probably running away from them! And Howie doesn't know she can get up and down those steps on her little bottom. She crawls up them and slides back down!" Nastasia laughed as Lauren looked at the bikini once more and smiled.

"True, and I think that bikini is so you! Find one of the sexier ones and you’ll be set for the Carribbean baby!" Lauren laughed as Nastasia hugged her. Lauren rolled her eyes as she found the man staring at them again.

"Can you pick out the sexier one? I’m not good at that!"

"Sure."

"I hope Alexia is all right."

"Stop worrying! I’m sure she hasn’t killed them!"

********

Chase and Alexandria continued to play on the floor. Chase was showing her how to play pokemon with her stuffed animals. AJ and Howie were on the couch resting and surfing the channels. Howie’s head was easing down, although he did miss Nastasia. He couldn’t wait to take her to the Carribbean, then he’d have her all to himself.

"Let me guess who you’re thinking about." AJ said after a few moments of silence between the boys. Howie glanced over and grinned wryly at him. His brown eyes glimmering with a certain spark that had been there since his wedding day.

"I’m thinking about Carmen Electra." Howie teased.

"You lie so bad!"

"Why?"

"Cause Staz is a lot better looking than Carmen, AND she’s a lot more real than Carmen!" AJ answered with a laugh.

"How would you know?!" Howie challenged.

"There was that one night-"

"Shut up! You’re married!"

"So?" AJ laughed, "Lauren would understand."

"Stazzie’s married!"

"So?"

"TO ME!"

"You were thinking of All Fake Carmen."

"No I wasn’t!"

"Sure!"

"I swear, it was all Staz man."

"You know you’re lucky you have her."

"I know." Howie grinned as they became quiet again.

"Daddy?" Chase called out suddenly. Alexandria let out a loud coo as she reached for her Pooh Bear and started to hug it. AJ looked away from the TV at his son lazily, he yawned.

"What Chaser?"

"Something stinks!"

"What?!" AJ asked as he sat up. Howie groaned loudly as he sat up and looked down at the two children. Alexandria cooed as she crawled over to her father, she wobbled a bit as she stood up with the help of the couch.

"Alexia pooped!" Chase called out as he waved his hand in the air in front of his nose. AJ groaned loudly as Howie glanced back at him. He made a face as Alexandria laughed.

"I’ll pay you twenty bucks to change that diaper." Howie stated to AJ as Alexandria laughed again.

*******

Howie and AJ both agreed to change the diaper together. Chase decided he would stay downstairs in the living room, he knew what would happen up there. The guys hated diaper changing, and AJ wasn’t that good at it.

"Man, she must be your kid!" AJ moaned loudly as he held Alexandria an arm’s length away from him. Howie glared at him as they walked into Alexandria’s nursery room. Her room connected to the master bedroom through a doorway. Alexandria’s room was done in light blues and purples, Nastasia’s favorite colors. It had a modern touch to it instead of the frilly girly side. Howie was pleased with it.

"Why are you stating that?" Howie asked as AJ placed her carefully on the floor, not even thinking of the changing table in the corner of the room.

"Cause, damn! She freaking stinks!" AJ hissed.

"Shut up! That’s my daughter you jerk." Howie answered.

"Sorry."

"I bet Chase was twice as bad." Howie answered as he laid Alexandria down and took off the bottom of her pajamas. She looked up at her father and smiled, letting out a coo. Howie smiled back, she was adorable.

"I got to skip that part!" AJ grinned.

"Dude, I’ll pay you forty..." Howie offered before he took off the diaper. AJ grabbed the wipes and the baby powder. He looked at Howie and smiled.

"No freaking way man."

"Damn!" Howie hissed as he turned back to Alexandria. He opened the diaper and the pungent aroma filtered the air. He felt his stomach twist as he started to clean her baby bottom. AJ held his nose as Howie finished and wrapped up the diaper, tossing it into the can. He turned back to Alexandria and gave her a raspberry on her tummy. "You are so bad!"

Alexandria’s reply was a giggle.

"So innocent." AJ grinned.

"She’s gonna stay that way too."

"Not if Staz keeps dressing the way she does."

"What?!" Howie asked as he turned back to his friend.

"You didn’t notice her outfit?" AJ laughed.

"NO."

"She wore a tank top above her belly button and a pair of tight flares. And you let her out of the house. Dang, you might not have a wife for long if she keeps dressing like that." AJ teased as Howie groaned.

"I’ll...talk with her..." Howie groaned as he looked at AJ. "Can you grab me a diaper?"

"Sure." AJ crawled over and grabbed a diaper and looked back at Howie. "Aren’t we supposed to have a kid to put it on?"

"Yes, that’s why we have Alexia stupid!" Howie groaned.

"No we don’t..."

"What?"

"ALEXIA’S ESCAPED!" AJ cried as he and Howie looked in just enough time to see Alexandria crawling out the door. Faster than Howie had expected. He looked to see his daughter’s bare bottom crawl out the door and froze.

"What do I do?!"

"GO GET HER!" AJ moaned as he slammed down the baby powder, forgetting it was open. As Howie took off he found himself in a mess of baby powder. He groaned loudly as he looked down at his black tank top, bright white.

"SON OF A B-"

"DAD!!!" Chase called.

"ALEXANDRIA! COME HERE! WHERE ARE YOU ALEXIA?!" Howie called for Alexandria loudly, he couldn’t find her.

"DADDY!" Chase yelled again.

"ALEXANDRIA LAUREL, YOUR MOTHER IS GOING TO KILL ME IF I LOSE YOU!" Howie yelled again as he began to search the upstairs rooms.

"DADDY!"

AJ felt his heart rush with panic as he ran out of the room and jumped down the long flight of stairs. When he reached the bottom he looked to see Lauren and Nastasia in the living room. Nastasia held a bare bottomed Alexandria in her arms with shopping bags at her sides. Both girls looked at AJ suspiciously.

"What the hell happened JJ?" Nastasia asked as Alexandria let out another loud giggle. AJ glared at Alexandria, the little devil.

Chapter 6:

Howie came running down the stairs and ran into the living-room, tugging at his hair. He saw Nastasia standing there holding Alexandria, and not thinking much of it, he ran over to her. " Oh thank God Stazzie! You found Alexia! " He went to take his daughter into his arms, but stopped. " Stazzie! Uh-oh...uh...hey... "

" You lost our daughter? " Nastasia asked, trying to hint anger in her voice, though she was having a hard time not laughing at the expression on Howie's face.

" I...no...I mean...she...I...we...it was A.J's fault! " Howie blurted out suddenly.

" My fault?! " A.J hissed.

" Damnit Howie, you were supposed to be watching her! How do you expect our marraige to work if I can't even trust you to keep a close eye on our daughter? " Nastasia exclaimed.

Howie stared at her wide-eyed. " We were in the process of changing her diaper...I looked away for a second...she just...dissappeared... "

" Don't even start, " Nastasia snapped and walked away, heading up the stairs with Alexandria.

" Shit! I've only been married one day and I've already ruined my marraige! " Howie exclaimed, his face clouding over with worry.

Lauren covered her face as she snickered. She knew Nastasia wasn't mad at Howie and she was only joking, but she knew Nastasia didn't want Howie to know that, she wanted to let it drag on for a while, so Lauren tried to hide the grin on her face. She walked over to Chase who was laying in the middle of the floor, playing with some of the toys. " Hey Chazzie, I got you something... "

Chase's face lit up. " What what what? "

" This, " Lauren said and reached into one of the bags she was carrying. She pulled out a white t-shirt, that on the front of it had a big yellow Pickachu, a pair of khaki cargo shorts, and a black Nike cap, similar to one that A.J owned. Chase quickly pulled off the t-shirt he was wearing and put the new one on, causing Lauren to laugh at her son's quick actions. " You're a dork... "

*****

Nastasia layed Alexandria down on the changing table gently and walked over to where the unused diaper was laying on the floor. She picked it up and walked back over to her daughter.

" Were you running away from your daddy? " she cooed. Alexandria looked up at her mother and giggled. Nastasia laughed as she placed the diaper on her daughter. " You little stinker, " she said and kissed her daughter's forehead, than walked over to the dresser, pulling a pair of pants and a shirt out. She began to dress Alexandria.

Howie burst into the room and saw Nastasia placing a different pair of clothes on Alexandria. He walked over to Nastasia quietly, a solomn look on his face. " Are you THAT mad at me? I said I didn't - " he began, but stopped when he heard a muffled laugh come from Nastasia. " Are you laughing at me? "

Nastasia turned around, an amused smile on her face. " Yes, I am, " she laughed.

Confusion clouded his eyes as he stared at her. " O...k...what did I miss? "

" Obviously alot, " Nastasia laughed.

" You're not mad? "

" No, I was just trying to see how much I could get you to apologize. " She laughed again. " You should have seen the look on your face. "

Howie moaned. " Oh, you're evil. Now I see where our daughter gets it. "

" You know you love me for it. "

" Do I? "

Nastasia slapped Howie's shoulder, a surprised look on her face. " Howard Dorough! "

" Just joking. See? Two can play at this game! " His lips met up with hers and they stayed like that for a minute. Then he leaned down to headlevel with Alexandria. " Were you trying to get me in trouble? Dissappearing like that? I almost had a heart attack. " Alexandria giggled and used her tiny fist to playfully punch Howie. " I'm gonna get you for that! " He began to tickle her and placed a few raspberrys on her still bare stomach, sending her into a fit of tiny giggles.

*****

" So, what happened to you? " Lauren smirked, as she stared at A.J's now white tank.

" Baby powder accident, " A.J replied as he tried to dust off his shirt and coughed.

" I can't believe you lost Lexie, " Lauren laughed.

" I didn't lose her! Howie did! "

" Uh-huh, well, weren't you supposed to be helping him keep an eye on her? "

" I was! "

" But you still lost her. "

" Whatever. I'm not gonna argue with you. "

" That's because you know you won't win! "

" Oh, is that so? "

" Yes it is! "

" We'll just see about that. " A.J pulled Lauren down next to him on to the couch and held her arms down. " Chaser, come here and tickle your Mommy for me! "

Chase jumped up and ran over.

" Let me ago! Alex, damn you! Let me go! " Lauren screamed as she tried to squirm from A.J's hold and Chase's little tickles.

" Say I'm always right! " A.J laughed.

" Never! "

" Ok Chaser, keep tickling her! "

" Alright! Alright! " Lauren screamed, her face turning red. " You're always right! "

" Ha ha! I knew it! " A.J jumped up and threw his hands in the air triumphantly.

" Not, " Lauren mumbled, under her breath, a grin on her face.

" What was that? " A.J asked, eyeing her suspiciously.

" Oh, nothing, " Lauren replied and went to get up to run away.

" Ok, you're really going to get it now! " A.J tackled her to the ground and landed on top of her.

" Is that a good thing? " Lauren asked as she recieved a kiss.

" Depends on how you wanna look at it, " A.J said in a low voice.

" Fight! Fight! " Chase squealed.

A.J and Lauren laughed, and Lauren punched A.J in the shoulder.

" Hey! What was that for? "

" Because you're a punk! " Lauren joked and kissed him.

" But you still love me. "

" I won't deny that. "

Just then, Nastasia came pounding down the stairs. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs, a wierd look on her face.

" Hey Stazzie! " A.J laughed.

" Hey JJ... " she said and just shook her head with a laugh.

Chapter 7:

"I’m so glad you guys came over before you left for the honeymoon Howie has been chatting about!" Paula exclaimed as she set out some more plates on the picnic table. Nastasia smiled as she watched Alexandria in the playpen. Chase was at her side making faces through the net.

Nastasia and Howie were invited to Howie’s parents house for a picnic type of thing. Lauren, Denise, AJ, and Chase were also invited since they were close to the Dorough family. Nastasia made Howie accept the offer from his parents, she wanted to make sure that they liked her and approved of her. Since she had no family of her own.

"Hey Staz and Lauren! Howie and AJ are talking about you two." John, Howie’s brother, grinned as he walked over and placed a kiss on Nastasia’s cool cheek. She smiled as she hugged him.

"They’re talking about us?" Lauren laughed as Hoke and Paula were laughing. Hoke was cooking some burgers on the grill as Paula gave him a tender kiss. Nastasia knew they were in true love, she hoped Howie and her would be like that years from now.

"Something about after the Carribbean or something..." John laughed, "Stazzie you’re in for a real treat tomorrow."

"Yeah, the dork still won’t tell me where we’re going."

"He’s being romantic!" Pollyanna chimed in with a laugh as she walked past with a bag of chips.

"Isn’t that a scary thought?" John teased.

"Sort of..." Lauren laughed, already knowing Howie’s plans. She knew Nastasia would love the whole trip.

"I just feel bad about leaving Alexia." Nastasia frowned.

"Please! Don’t worry, Alex and I have it under control." Lauren grinned.

"Don’t tell me that." Nastasia groaned as she adjusted one of her bikini straps. Paula had told the girls to wear their bathing suits so they could swim. Nastasia wore her bright green one with tying straps and boy-cut shorts. Lauren had her black bankini on, flattering her figure beyond belief.

"Why?" Lauren laughed, thinking of the episode from two days ago. Everyone already knew. Pollyanna, Angie, and John continued to give Howie a rough time about it. Hoke teased his son while Denise and Paula went so far to buy baby powder and diapers for the boys.

"You know why!" John laughed as he wrapped his arm around Nastasia’s hip. She invited the warm touch, knowing his was being brotherly. She was glad that Howie’s siblings accepted her so lovingly, she was just worried about his parents now.

"One diaper incident and we’re branded for life!" AJ moaned as he and Howie walked over to their wives. Nastasia laughed as Howie offered her a sip of his soda. She smiled as she held the can and took a long swallow.

"One? You lost Lexie too!" Lauren laughed.

"So?" Howie answered, a blush creeping to his cheeks.

"I didn’t even do that bro." John snickered.

"No, but I do remember that Johnny happened to lock his first child in the car. He called us having a bird. I thought he was going to have a heart attack right there." Paula answered as she walked into the group with Denise. John blushed as Howie started to burst out laughing.

"I totally forgot about that!" John shrugged.

"No, don’t even think about it!" Nastasia answered suddenly as she looked at the glimmer in Howie’s eyes. Howie looked at Nastasia confused, "Don’t think about locking my daughter in the car. I’d have to kill you!"

"Then I’d be getting seconds." Lauren laughed.

"Your daughter?" Howie asked after a few moments.

"MY daughter. You lost the right to her when you let her bare bottom get away from you." Nastasia teased, knowing no one would ever let them forget that episode.

"Jezz, I never-"

"Why don’t us girls go swim while dad finishes with the burgers?" Pollyanna suggested as she came back to the groups. Denise and Paula nodded at Nastasia and Lauren, telling them to go on.

"No work for the soon-to-be honeymooners." Paula grinned.

"I’ll go." Howie smiled.

"No, I said girls Howard." Pollyanna objected, wanting to have some time alone with her sister-in-law.

"But mom said honeymooners." Howie whined.

"She meant Staz."

"Yeah, you get to watch Chase and Alexandria again. You think you can manage to not lose her in the playpen?" Nastasia teased.

"Nastasia-" Howie growled.

"Go Stazzie, we’ll make sure these two boys are busy." Paula laughed shooing Nastasia and Lauren away to the pool.

"Thanks Paula." Nastasia smiled.

"MOM!" Paula yelled loudly after her.

******

"Hey Staz! Come to join the pool crowd?!' Angie laughed as she swam over to where Lauren and Nastasia were lounging in the shallow end of the in-ground pool which was at the end where she was closet to Alexandria‘s playpen and everyone that wasn‘t in the pool. Nastasia smiled as Pollyanna swam back over also.

"Yeah, figures Paula would kick me in here." Nastasia joked as Pollyanna hopped onto a raft. Lauren squealed as Angie gave her a little splash.

"MOM!" Pollyanna and Angie both shouted.

"Sorry." Nastasia laughed, "Figures MOM would kick me in here."

"Better." Lauren laughed, "So are you all packed up for tomorrow’s flight?"

"I think so..." Nastasia laughed, "Alexia’s all packed up. I hope she’ll be okay."

"I think Alexia’s only problem will be missing her mommy and daddy." Pollyanna smiled.

"Don’t, you’re gonna make me cry." Nastasia sniffled.

"Me too." Lauren teased, Nastasia glared at her.

"I heard you got a hot little bikini for Howie for the honeymoon!" Angie whispered as her dark eyes flamed with a deep burning. Nastasia gasped as she looked at Lauren, nobody was supposed to tell.

"Who told you?"

"AJ was telling mom and Denise." Pollyanna laughed.

"LAUREN!" Nastasia moaned. Lauren shrugged sheepishly as she laughed.

"AJ was begging me to tell him what we did." Lauren laughed, "He promised he wouldn’t tell."

"You know him! He doesn’t keep secrets!"

"He didn’t tell Howie." Lauren promised.

"You better hope!" Nastasia laughed as her friend gave her a giant hug. Lauren, Pollyanna and Angie began to get into a conversation as Nastasia glanced back up at the group who were still dry. She smiled softly at the picture.

Hoke had taken Alexandria out of her playpen. Paula was minding the meal while Hoke played with Alexandria. He had a squirt gun and playfully squirted Alexandria’s arm. Alexandria squealed out with surprise as she looked at the cold water on her arm.

"Pappy got you!" Hoke cooed as Alexandria broke into a smile. Nastasia felt herself get lost in the moment as Hoke picked her up into his arms and hugged her tightly. Lauren noticed where Nastasia’s eyes were as Pollyanna and Angie jumped out of the pool.

"I never had a real grandfather." Nastasia whispered softly as she looked at Hoke giving little Alexandria a horseback ride. Alexandria’s cries of happiness rang out as Nastasia remembered her past. Her father’s parents had both died before Nastasia was even born. Nastasia’s mother’s parents never accepted her marriage of Nastasia’s father and refused to see the child that had emerged from the relationship.

"I know Stazzie." Lauren whispered softly as they watched Howie approach Hoke and Alexandria. Hoke looked up as he stood up with Alexandria in his arms. She cooed as she saw her father approach.

"You playing with Pap-Pap?" Howie laughed as Alexandria let out one of her adorable coos. Hoke grinned as he picked the water gun out of the back of his pocket.

"Yes, she’s playing with her pappy. Guess what we’re playing?" Hoke grinned as Howie looked at his father carefully. Seeing the spark in his eyes made him worry.

"What dad?"

"Cowgirls and Indians!" Hoke shouted as he pulled the water gun out and started to fire at Howie. Alexandria let out a surprised laugh as Howie yelled.

"Cut it out dad!" Howie laughed as he started to run. Hoke grinned as he held onto Alexandria tightly. He started to chase Howie around the yard. Howie kept a good distance, yelling out for his father to quit. Howie might of kept a good distance, but the water sprayed even farther. Everyone started to laugh as Howie continued to squeal.

"Get him Alexia!" Hoke shouted as they sprayed the gun harder. Alexandria let out a howl of laughter as Hoke gave another good squirt, but the water had ran out. "Shoot!"

Howie stopped running as he looked at his father, who stood there dazed. No more water. Howie grinned like a devil as he started to walk towards his father.

"Come here dad..." Howie grinned.

"No way! RUN ALEXIA! RUN!" Hoke shouted as he retreated in the other direction. Howie let out a whoop as he chased his father and daughter. Alexandria seemed surprised in these turns of events.

"I never really had a dad either." Nastasia sighed as she watched Howie call out for Alexandria with a laugh. She knew the bond between her husband and daughter was extremely close.

"Oh Staz..." Lauren sighed.

Nastasia’s father had been abusive and an alcoholic from the start of Nastasia‘s life. He would beat Nastasia for no good reason at all. One time he had said he was never even her father to begin with. The beatings would always drawl blood and major scares.

On Nastasia’s back was a scare between her shoulder blades where her father had struck her with a knife when she was about fourteen. All she had asked was to go out on a date. The scar was a painful reminder of what she had suffered. Howie had never asked about it, and she hoped he wouldn’t for a long time to come.

Her mother had always denied the beatings too. He never really touched her mother, only assaulted her with words. Nastasia’s mother was always quiet and never stood up for Nastasia. She sat there and watched the abuse and crying. That’s why Nastasia had always wanted to be a better mother than what she was given.

"Forget it." Nastasia whispered as she saw Hoke run towards her with Alexandria in his arms. Nastasia plastered a smile on her face as Hoke quickly gave Nastasia her daughter. Alexandria smiled widely as she was put into her mother’s arms.

"You playing with pappy?" Nastasia cooed as she watched Howie quickly come after her father. He bumped him hard and sent him flying into the pool with a big splash, soaking Nastasia, Alexandria, and Lauren. All the girls shrieked as Howie grinned. Hoke surfaced and glared.

"Come here son!" He yelled loudly as he reached at Howie’s trunks and gave him a hard tug. Howie went flying quickly into the pool. AJ and Chase laughed loudly as they ran over. Lauren jumped out of the pool and started to laugh.

"Daddy’s wet!" Nastasia cooed in Alexandria’s ear as Howie swept back his drenched locks of hair. Hoke grinned devilishly as he placed a kiss on both Nastasia’s cheek and Alexandria’s cheek, then he jumped out of the pool.

"Daddy is all wet Alexia." Howie grinned as he placed a slobbery wet kiss on Alexandria’s neck, making her squeal out with laughter. Nastasia laughed as Howie looked at her, something was different in her eyes this time. He couldn’t place it, "You okay sweetheart?"

"TIME FOR LUNCH LOVE BIRDS!" Paula yelled loudly.

"Fine." Nastasia lied as she placed a tender kiss on Howie’s lips, "Perfect."

"You sure?" Howie asked, not accepting her lie.

"Fine. I promise." Nastasia answered as she hoisted her child out of the pool. She knew she could never have the father she always wanted. And that left a hole in her sorrow-filled heart, but Alexandria having the father and grandfather Nastasia had always dreamed of made her heart a little lighter.

Chapter 8:

Lauren sat on the couch wearily, trying to rub the sleep from her eyes. She flipped on the tv and took a sip of her coffee, hoping to wake herself up. Howie and Nastasia had said they would be dropping Alexandria off at 6:45 am, for they had to catch their flight at 8:15, it was now 6:40. She had woken up ten minutes before, hoping to give herself enough time to actually wake up before they arrived. A.J and Chase were still dead asleep, and Lauren was a bit grateful for that, because she knew when Chase woke up, it wouldn't be very quiet in the house.

She found herself aimlessly channel surfing, nothing seemed to be on. There was never anything interesting on tv this early in the morning. She felt herself begin to doze off again when she heard a sudden knocking on the door. She jumped up from the couch, nearly spilling her coffee on herself and walked over to the front door.

" Morning Laurie, hope we didn't wake you, " Nastasia greeted cheerfully, as she hoisted Alexandria's baby bag farther onto her shoulder.

" No, you didn't wake me. I was already awake, " Lauren replied, offering them all a smile. She smiled again as she noticed a sleeping Alexandria in Howie's arms.

" Is J and the kid still sleeping? " Howie asked.

" Yep, thank God Chase is, and there's no way A.J would be up this early unless he absolutely had to. "

" Are you sure you and JJ don't mind watching Alexia for us while we're gone? " Nastasia asked, not wanting to leave Alexandria behind.

" Staz, listen to me! " Lauren said as she placed both hands on Nastasia's shoulders. " You are going to go on your honeymoon and you are going to have the best time of your life, and not once do I want to hear about you worrying about Lexie, alright? She is going to be fine, Alex and I don't mind watching her one bit. She's a doll. So go and have fun while you can and don't worry about Lexie. "

" Alright, alright, " Nastasia laughed as she handed Lauren the baby bag. " I'll try to have fun. " Lauren glared at her. " Alright! I WILL have fun! "

" That's much better, " Lauren laughed as she turned to Howie. " And you have fun too, you got it? "

" Yes mother, " Howie grinned. He was getting more excited by the minute, anticipating the fun they would have in the Carribbeans. He knew Nastasia was gonna love it. " Alexia fell back asleep on the way over here, so she should be out for a while, " he explained as he handed Alexandria over to Lauren. As soon as she had left his arms, her tiny eyes parted and she began to cry. " Or not... " Howie frowned sadly as his daughter stretched her arms out to him, her cries ringing in his ears.

Lauren hugged Alexandria close to her, trying to calm the crying child the best she could. " Shhh...it's ok...Lexie... "

Howie leaned in and placed a kiss on Alexandria's forehead and brushed his hand along her now flushed cheek. From the gleam in his eyes, it was obvious, the two of them had an everlasting special bond. " Shhh sweetie, it's ok. Mommy and Daddy are only gonna be gone for a week. We'll see you real soon. "

" Everythings in the baby bag...clothes, diapers, bottles, formula... " Nastasia explained. " You do remember how to change a diaper, right? " she asked absentmindedly.

Lauren looked at her friend blankly and then laughed. " Remember Staz, I did become a mother first. And uh, who taught you how to change a diaper? "

Nastasia laughed sheepishly, her face turning red. " Sorry, I'm just being really blond right now... "

" That's a given. "

" We'll see you real soon, baby, " Nastasia cooed as she leaned in and kissed Alexandria's cheek. " Mommy and Daddy love you lots. "

" Bye Lauren, thanks again! " Howie called out as they began walking back to his car.

" No problem! You two have fun! " Lauren yelled, rocking Alexandria in her arms, still trying to stop her crying hysterics.

*****

" Ok, give me a little clue as to where in the Carribbean we're going, " Nastasia tried again as they settled into their seats on the plane.

Howie grinned. " No, I'm not gonna tell you. It's a surprise, so you're just going to have to wait until we get there. "

" You know that's not fair, right? "

" Yeah, and that makes it all the better, " Howie said and kissed her. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket and began dialing a number.

" Who you calling? "

" My mother... "

" You just called her a minute ago. "

" Alright, I'm calling Lauren. "

" Why? "

" To make sure Alexia's alright... "

Nastasia grabbed the phone from his hand and turned the power off, slipping it into her carry on bag. " No, you're not. You're acting as bad as me now, " she laughed. " We'll call her when we get there. "

*****

" Oh God Lauren, this place is beautiful, " Nastasia said into the phone in a hushed voice as she sat on the end of the bed.

It was truely amazing. Howie had rented a beautiful condo on the beach that they would be staying at for the whole week. It was a one bedroom condo, that had a good-sized living-room, a big bathroom, and the bedroom itself was amazing in appearance. There were double glass doors in the bedroom that led out to the patio, and out there was where the jacuzzi was.

" I knew you would love it, " Lauren replied, smiling to herself as she watched A.J play with Alexandria. " Howie told us all about it, I can just imagine how beautiful it must be there. "

" I really needed this vacation, it's gonna be great, " Nastasia sighed. " How's Alexia? "

Lauren laughed. " I knew that question was coming. She's doing fine. Alex is entertaining her at the moment. Chase has been having a blast hanging out with his baby cousin. The two of them are a real sight, you know? "

" Yeah, well, I just thought I would call to see what was up and - "

" And to make sure Lexie isn't killing Alex. "

" Ok, yeah, that too, " Nastasia laughed. " Call ya tomorrow? "

" If you want to. "

" Alright, bye Laurie. "

" Bye. "

Nastasia hung up the phone and tossed it down on the bed. She stood up and stretched, then made her way over to the doors. She looked out, watching as Howie sat on the patio steps, looking out over the ocean, being very deep in thought. She opened the doors quietly and walked over to him. " Hey... "

" Hey baby, " Howie greeted, smiling up at her as she sat next to him. " Well, what do you think of this place? " he asked as she moved down in front of him and he began to rub her shoulders.

" It's absolutely beautiful, absolutely beautiful... "

" I was hoping you would love it. "

" Of course I do, to think you would do all of this, just for me... "

" Only the best and nothing less for the love of my life. "

Nastasia smiled brightly as a warm feeling filled her heart. Words like that was what she really needed to hear.

Howie rubbed his hands over Nastasia's soft skin, ever so often leaning forward and kissing her neck. His eyes happened to travel down as he was doing so and he stopped when he saw the scar on her back. He had never noticed it before as he now gently touched it. " Stazzie? "

" Hmmm? "

" How did this happen? "

" How did what happen? "

" This scar... "

Nastasia closed her eyes as the pain filled her heart, a tidal wave of memories cascading through her mind. It was bad enough she had to live with the scar the rest of her life, she just wished she could forget about it. " W-what scar? " she hesitated.

" The one on your back... "

" Oh, uh...i-it's from a childhood accident, " she lied, hating that she did. " I-I fell off my bike when I was little and scratched against something sharp. "

Howie's eyes clouded over with worry as he listened to her lie to his face. She was lying and he knew it, only making him worry more. " Stazzie, what happened? "

" I told you, it was a childhood accident. "

" Stazzie... "

" Why are you calling me a liar? "

" I'm not Stazzie... "

" I got it from a childhood accident and that's that, " Nastasia snapped as she stood up, the hate she felt towards her father at the moment, pouring out of her. She gave Howie a sorrowful look and went into the condo.

Howie sighed and rested his elbows on his knees, wondering why Nastasia had reacted the way she had. What was so bad about it, that she acted like she didn't want to talk about it?

Chapter 9:

Nastasia had been really quiet the rest of that night. Howie was worried when he saw the state of distress she seemed to be in. Her thoughts seemed to be downcast with worry and sorrow. He hated to know he had put her in those thoughts.

"Howie?" Nastasia called softly as she came back out to the patio. Howie looked up to see Nastasia walk carefully back out to the patio. Her eyes seemed a bit lighter as she looked at him, he paused for a moment.

"I’m sorry for whatever I did." Howie said immediately.

"It’s my fault. I shouldn’t be PMSing on our honeymoon."

"No-"

"Look, let’s not do this." Nastasia laughed as she placed her long index finger up to Howie’s lips. She moved and sat on his lap, facing him. He grinned as he placed a kiss on her finger, causing shivers down her spine.

"Do what?" Howie asked as Nastasia bent her head down to his, leaning towards his ear. A smile curved on her sensual lips as she wrapped her arms around Howie’s neck.

"Can we use the Jacuzzi?"

"With or without clothing?"

"With preferably, but you’ll never know what’ll happen afterwards. It is the Carribbean you know." Nastasia flirted playfully as she leaned back in Howie’s lap. He grinned at his wife, happy to have her smiling self back.

"I’m in. Should I get the wine?"

"If you don’t drink too much."

"Deal, I want to remember this honeymoon." Howie grinned.

********

It didn’t take long for Howie to get the wine and wine glasses around. He was already wearing his swimming trunks so he didn’t have to change. He still felt eerie about Nastasia’s lie. He didn’t know why she would lie to him. Although her childhood was never really talked about. He made it a point to remember to ask Lauren sometime soon.

Howie tried to forget the scare as much as possible. He had started the Jacuzzi just as the sun was starting to set in the sky. A beautiful streak of blues, purples, and oranges crossed the sky. Making the whole evening heavenly.

As Howie set the glasses down he heard the door slide open. He turned around to see his wife. His jaw dropped open. Her bikini consisted of a silken material. It was an emerald green color, reflecting her eyes and tan. The bikini didn’t look like any of her others. It was the triangle cut, string bikini. The straps tying around her neck and mid back. Her bottom consisted of tying straps too. Howie felt like his heart might jump out of his chest as her long blonde curls swirled in the summer air.

"I figure if you can surprise me, I can surprise you too." Nastasia answered as she moved to where Howie was standing. He grinned as she wrapped her arms around his naked shoulders.

"You...did..." Howie whispered, surprise still taking over.

"Let’s get in." Nastasia laughed.

"Okay."

********

Nastasia loved the Jacuzzi the second she stepped into it. The warm bubbling water washing over her tired body. Howie smiled as she squealed when she sat back on one of the jets. Being married to Nastasia was like getting a surprise everyday. And he loved that about her.

"Come here you dweeb." Howie laughed as he reached out for Nastasia. She took his hand as he pulled her tightly to him. She laughed as she sat on his lap again, facing him. He always loved when she was cuddled tightly against him.

"I‘m not a dweeb." Nastasia pouted.

"No, but a very beautiful wife."

"Thanks." Nastasia blushed as she pulled her silky blonde tresses atop her head. She piled them into a messy bun, letting little ringlets fall down. Ones that Howie would play with, because he loved her hair.

"I love you so much, you know that right?"

"Is it the wine?" Nastasia joked playfully as she sniffed the wine. Howie laughed as she took a sip of it and made a face. She was adorable.

"I do love you."

"I know." Nastasia smiled as she placed her glass down and wrapped her arms around his neck again. He smiled as he wrapped his arms around her slim waist, inviting the closeness of her body.

"And we have no child tonight."

"Nope we don’t." Nastasia giggled as Howie began to kiss her neck softly, the most sensitive part of her body. She loved when he did that, it made her feel warm inside.

"Can we have some fun?"

"It is our honeymoon. We can do whatever you want." Nastasia laughed as Howie brought his lips to hers, sealing their love in paradise.

Chapter 10:

The door to the bathroom opened and Howie stepped out, a navy blue towel wrapped around his waist. His wet hair dripped with water, sending little dropplets down his bronzed skin. He smiled seeing that Nastasia was still asleep and walked over to the bed, laying down beside her. He traced his fingers along her bare skin and leaned over to kiss her neck, making his way down to her shoulders.

Nastasia moaned in her sleep and her eyes slowly fluttered open. She gazed up into a pair of dark sexy chocolate brown eyes and a warm smile creeped across her lips. " Mmmm...morning baby... "

" Morning, " Howie replied and pressed his lips against hers. " Sleep well? "

" Very much so. I see you took a shower. "

" Yes, I did... "

" Without me? " Nastasia pouted playfully, sitting up and pulling the blankets around her bare body.

" I didn't want to wake my sleeping angel. You looked so peaceful, " Howie said and pulled her into his arms. " But you know what they say...you can never be too clean... "

Nastasia turned around in his arms to face him and saw a grin on his face. " Go start the water, " she whispered with a smile.

Howie grinned again. " I'll be right back. " He jumped up from the bed and went into the still steamy bathroom. A second later the shower was running and Howie appeared in the bathroom doorway, that sparkle in his eyes.

*****

" Mi amor, shall we go out for breakfast? " Howie called from the bathroom as he pulled his brown locks into a pony tail.

" That sounds great, " Nastasia replied with a smile. She pulled a baby blue, tight fitting t-shirt over her white tank and then put on a pair of short khaki shorts over her bakini bottoms. She brushed her long blond hair, then put it up in a messy bun.

" Do I deserve such a stunning beauty as you? " Howie asked with charm as he walked over to Nastasia, went behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, laying his chin on her right shoulder.

" I believe you do, " Nastasia answered quietly as she closed her eyes and leaned into Howie's embrace. " Howie? "

" Yeah? "

" I need you to promise me something... "

" Anything. "

" Promise me you'll never leave... "

Howie was taken aback by the statement. He found it quite odd and became a little worried. " What's bringing this on? "

" Please, just promise me that. "

" Of course, I promise. " Howie turned her around and looked deep into her ocean green eyes, searching for an answer. " Stazzie, what's wrong? " He used his hand to lift her chin when she looked away.

Nastasia tried to avoid his stare, but she felt herself growing weak. " It's just...Chase didn't always have his father, but I want Alexandria to always have you. I don't want her to live part of her life without having her father around. "

" Stazzie...sweetie, never in a million years would I ever think about leaving you or Alexandria, " Howie said with full honesty. " I've got a great career, a beautiful wife and daughter; my life is going great. What more could I ask for? "

" Do you mean that? "

" I mean it with all my heart and soul. "

" I love you, " Nastasia whispered.

" I love you too baby, " Howie whispered back and placed a soft kiss on her tender lips.

*****

Lauren made her way downstairs quietly to the living-room. She heard the tv and when she stepped into the living-room, she smiled. A.J was laying on the couch asleep, and Alexandria lay sound asleep on his chest. They looked so adorable.

She walked over to the tv and switched it off, than walked over to the couch and bent down. " Alex, wake up, " she whispered in his ear.

A.J grumbled and opened his eyes. " Hey...did I fall asleep? "

" Yeah, and it looks like Lexie did too. "

A.J looked down at the sleeping child and smiled. " She was crying late last night, so I brought her downstairs to sit with her until she fell asleep. "

" I should have taken a picture, the two of you looked adorable. "

" Sorry...no pictures this early in the morning, " A.J laughed. He sat up, being careful not to wake Alexandria up. She let out a small cry, but continued to sleep.

Lauren carefully reached over and picked Alexandria up. Alexandria began to cry softly, but she rocked her in her arms to keep her quiet. " I'll be right back, " she said and took Alexandria upstairs to do a diaper change, knowning A.J would be of no help, and wouldn't volunteer. She came back down 5 minutes later, Alexandria clutching onto her blanket. Lauren handed her back over to A.J. " Hold her again while I go get her bottle. "

" I was thinking, " A.J began when Lauren returned and sat beside him.

" That's not a surprise, " Lauren laughed.

" Funny babe. But seriously, you know me and you haven't really had a chance to go out anywhere alone lately. So tonight, I was thinking we're gonna go out to dinner alone, just me and you, and than hit a club afterwards or something. "

" What about the kids? "

" Have your Mom babysit them. You've been telling me how she's been bugging to be able to spend time with Lexie.

" My Mom is visiting family in Washington, " Lauren said as she cuddled Alexandria on her lap. She smiled down at her " niece ". She was truely a little angel.

" Well, Mom is also out of state, so, we'll have one of the guys watch them, but not Nick. Defenitely not Nick, " A.J said with a shake of his head.

" Why? " Lauren laughed as Alexandria began to fuss a little.

" I really don't trust him to look after a 5 year old and a 7 month old alone. "


" True, the kids would probably kill him, " Lauren joked.

" I'll call Brian later and ask him if he'll watch them, " A.J said and yawned.

*****

It was nearing 6:00 in the evening when Brian arrived. When he knocked on the door, Chase ran over and opened it.

" B-Rok! "

" Hey there Chase, " Brian greeted as he walked through the door.

" 'Bout time ya got your Kentuckian butt over here, Bri Bear, " Lauren joked as she walked out of the kitchen with Alexandria in her arms. Alexandria cooed when she saw Brian.

" It's great to see you too Lauren, " Brian laughed. " How's my favorite little sister doing? " He gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek.

" I might be younger, but I can still kick your butt. "

" You think you can, huh? That's funny. "

" Yeah. But to answer your question, I'm great. Yourself? "

" Just great. Hey little Lex, " Brian grinned, offering his famous smile. Alexandria cooed more. Like Nastasia, he was great with little kids and Lauren knew that whenever he settled down and started a family, he would be a great father. " Um...Lauren? "

" Huh? "

" I'm not gonna have to change any diapers...am I? " Brian asked, his eyes wide as if he had a fear of doing such a thing.

" Most likely you will, " Lauren laughed. " Actually, I can garuantee you will have too. "

" Oh great, it's the dream of a lifetime, " Brian replied sarcastically as he brought Alexandria into his arms. " One little problem though, I uh...I've never changed a diaper before. "

" It's not that hard. Take the dirty diaper off, throw it away. Wipe the butt and put a new diaper on. As simple as that. "

" Thanks for the 411 on diaper changing. "

" Anytime, " Lauren laughed as they heard some pounding feet coming down the stairs.

A.J bounced into the living-room wearing a pair of dark baggy jeans, his favorite pair, a long thin sleeved shirt that he had place over his tank and his eyes were covered by a pair of dark lensed sun glasses. " Hey 'Rok. "

" Yo J, wassup? "

" Nothin'. You ready to go babe? "

" I have been. I've been waiting for both your slow butts for the past half hour, waiting for you to finish getting ready and for you to get here. "

" You calling me slow? "

Lauren nodded.

" I'm deeply offended, " A.J said very dramatically, clutching his heart.

" You also think you're funny, but you're not, " Lauren said quite seriously. A hurt expression washed over A.J's face. " I'm joking, don't take it so seriously. "

" Hey Chaser, don't hurt Brian too bad alright? " A.J grinned as him and Lauren walked over to the door.

" Ok! " Chase snickered.

Chapter 11:

AJ sat peacefully with Lauren in his arms. He held her tightly as they stared up at the star lit sky. AJ had parked their corvette on a secluded hilltop for some privacy. They had a little fan interruption during their dinner so AJ wanted to have some time alone with Lauren before they went back to the children.

"Sorry about the dinner thing." AJ whispered as Lauren snuggled closer to his body, absorbing the heat that his arms brought. She felt so protected in them, like nothing could ever go wrong.

"Your fans still hate me." Lauren chuckled, easing into the position of being in the limelight a lot. After their marriage a lot of fans got upset, of course there were the ones that sent love letters and things saying she was extremely lucky. She loved the fans.

"Not all of them...just 99.99999% of them." AJ grinned lightheartedly as he placed a tender kiss on the top of her hair, inhaling the scent of her favorite shampoo.

"You’re so mean to me." Lauren whimpered as she looked up at AJ, her sapphire eyes burning deeply into his. He grinned lightly at her as he touched his nose with hers.

"I was nice enough to get you away from that crying baby." AJ teased.

"Lexie just misses her daddy and mommy." Lauren answered with a laugh. "Chase was like that when he didn’t know you. I remember the one night Staz came over and I was trying to put him to sleep. He wanted to know where his daddy was, I couldn’t answer... Staz had to field the question..."

"Really?" AJ choked out.

"Yes..."

"You know I never meant to shut you out of my life. I was just upset about seeing Devon there at your house. I was truly hurting and I didn’t want to hear excuses. But if I knew what you were calling about, I would have picked up in a-"

"Alex, chill. It’s over. It’s the past..." Lauren laughed as she saw his eyes spark. She knew he had to get it off his chest and say it before he got irritated. He seemed so passionate as he sat there holding her, his eyes wetting with moist tears.

"You don’t understand. Last night when Alexia woke up, I was nervous. I looked over and you were dead asleep. She kept crying out for her daddy. I felt my heart wrench as I got her out. She begged for me to pick her up. She wouldn’t stop crying. I felt like I had to make it stop. Anything to get her to stop crying. It made me hurt to see her like that. So, I rocked her to sleep and she still kept bawling. Finally I just sat down and laid her on my stomach. She looked up at me, her big green eyes bright with these tears... She was adorable... And she just looked at me...then smiled...resting her head and finally sleeping..."

"Alex-"

"Don’t you see? I missed out with Chase. Those first three years. I missed his first word..."

"Mama." Lauren smiled.

"I missed his first steps-"

"He walked to Stazzie when she came over to the house..." Lauren piped in again.

"His first solid food."

"Banana."

"The first time he crawled."

"To get Pooh Bear."

"Don’t you see Laurie? I missed all of that. And not a day goes by that I don’t regret having those times with you. I missed both of you so much. I didn’t want to leave you Lauren. I never stopped loving you. I even loved Chase even though I didn’t know about him..." AJ answered softly as he looked away.

Lauren sat there for a moment, her mind spinning. She had no idea AJ was thinking these things. It hurt her to know that he felt so bad about the mistakes both of them had made in the past. She offered him a smile as she forced him to look at her.

"We both made mistakes Alex. Some we can’t change. But, for now, I know that we can work with what we got. We can put our views in front of us instead of behind. Chase was little, he’ll probably just remember the times you were there. And that’s all that counts." Lauren answered truthfully as she looked at her husband.

"You’re not mad at me?" He whispered, wearing his heart out on his sleeve as he looked to his wife. His heart ached. He wished he had been there for those things. He thanked God everyday that he could at least see Chase now.

"Never."

"I’m glad." AJ sighed as he felt their lips connect. The moon and stars twinkling in the sky, showing them that things would be better. That things were finally going their way.

*********

"Howie! You’re such a dork!" Nastasia laughed as she watched the Frisbee fly over her head. She groaned as Howie shot a grin back to her. That morning they had woken up and jumped in the Jacuzzi, then Nastasia decided she wanted to go to the beach. They only had about two more days there and she was going to miss the one on one time with Howie.

"I’m sorry. It slipped baby." Howie grinned as Nastasia rolled her eyes again. She looked to see where it landed. She flicked a strand of long blonde hair behind her and walked over to retrieve the lost Frisbee.

"Hey! I said Hey!" Nastasia called as she jogged over to where the Frisbee landed. She looked to see a bunch of Carribbean guys talking while her Frisbee landed in the middle. She calmly walked over as all the guys’ attention snapped her direction.

"Can we help you?" One of them asked, he was the original beach bum type. Long blond hair, deep blue eyes, tall, lean. The accent. It reminded her a lot of Nick. His eyes swept over Nastasia like the rest of the boys. She rolled her eyes, she was used to it by now. But it irritated her a lot.

"Yeah. Can I get my Frisbee? The one you all are drooling on." Nastasia teased as a dark haired guy and his friend both bent down at the same time to grab it. Only they collided heads. They both cursed as Nastasia giggled. The blonde bent down and grabbed it for her.

"We’re sorry. You’re just... beautiful..." The man admired. Nastasia felt herself blush. She looked down and instantly regretted wearing the bikini. It was the one she had picked out. The tiny tube top type with the string bottoms. Flattering her figure more than she would ever know, not that it needed flattering.

"And she’s beautifully married." A voice projected as Nastasia looked to see Howie coming over with his arm protectively around her waist. She laughed as Howie held up her hand, letting the sapphire engagement ring and the wedding band twinkle in the Carribbean sun.

"We’re sorry!" The blond instantly apologized as their jaws still hung open. "You’re really lucky man! I would kill to have a girl like that."
"I did." Howie grinned as he picked the Frisbee out of the guy’s hand and nodded to him. "Thanks for returning it to her. Come on Staz."

"Bye!" Nastasia laughed as Howie lead her away.

"Jezz, I’m forever having to watch you." Howie groaned as he threw the Frisbee onto their large beach blanket. Nastasia rolled her eyes as she sat down on the blanket and reached for a scrunchie. Only Howie grabbed it and sat behind her, reaching for the brush, he gently began to brush her hair.

"You know I only have eyes for you." Nastasia answered as Howie brushed her silky hair gently. He could smell the fragrance of roses wafting off Nastasia’s hair. He loved the smell of her shampoo.

"I know, but a lot of guys look at you." Howie laughed as he placed her hair in a loose ponytail, letting some wispy pieces fall from it as she turned around to face him. She brought her knees up to her chin and rested her chin on them.

"I love you. End of discussion." Nastasia laughed as Howie leaned in and kissed her cheek softly. She smiled as he worked his way down to her neck, his favorite place to kiss her. She giggled as his eyes looked down her legs, then he stopped.

"What’s the matter?" Nastasia asked as Howie pulled away. He looked down and ran his finger along Nastasia’s left ankle, another scar. It led from the beginning of her ankle back to where her Achilles tendon would be. He felt himself wince.

"What’s this?"

‘My father decided he wanted to chuck a beer bottle at my feet to see if I would dance. He hit my Achilles' tendon pretty good too. Twenty stitches I believe.’ Nastasia thought hatefully.

"Stazzie Baby?" Howie called.

"Oh, I dropped a Pepsi bottle when I was younger. Lucky me it shattered and cut me." Nastasia lied as she looked away.

Howie knew she was lying again. Something about the two scars was scary. She wouldn’t tell him the truth to them, yet she acted like it hurt her to bring up the subject. It made him worry to know that there was something buried in his wife that they couldn’t talk about.

"Oh, must of hurt." Howie answered as he looked back to Nastasia.

"Yeah, real bad. I cried for hours." Nastasia whispered, ‘Then got beat for that’.

"So, you wanna go play in the waves." Howie asked with a small grin.

"Actually I want to play husband and wife in the sand." Nastasia grinned as she leaned over and started to press her lips on Howie’s lips. He complied and started to kiss back as he fell to the blanket, wrapping his arms around Nastasia’s small body. He didn’t care if anyone was looking. He loved her, and that’s all that mattered.

Chapter 12:

Nastasia smiled and leaned back against Howie as they sat quietly on the beach blanket. They were sitting out on the white sand on the beach in front of the condo, watching as the sun set in the tropical sky. The sky was absolutely breathtaking - shades of reds, oranges, blues and purples streaking across it's natural beauty. She would have loved to stay there like that forever, but they were leaving the next day to head back to the states.

Things had gone so perfectly during the vacation and she couldn't remember such a time when she had felt so at peace. If only she could pause time and live this moment forever...

"I wouldn't want to spend this moment any other way than having you in my arms as we watch the sun set," Howie whispered in Nastasia's ear as he rested his chin on her shoulder.

Shivers were sent down her spine as he kissed her neck, but she felt secure in his embrace, like nothing could touch her, nothing could hurt her. He was her security. "I wouldn't want to spend it any other way than being in your arms."

Howie wrapped his arms tighter around her body. "What makes you different, makes you beautiful. What's there inside you, shines into me. In your eyes I see, all the love I'll ever need. What makes you different, makes you beautiful to me," he sang softly in her ear.

Nastasia's lips curled into a smile as she closed her eyes and rested within his arms. The smell of his cologne filled her nostrils and she drifted into a light, dreamless slumber.

*****

"Stazzie and Howie should be here any minute," Lauren announced as everyone gathered around in the living-room. Her and A.J had invited Howie's parents, sisters and brother over for a welcome home party, for Howie and Nastasia were returning from the Carribbean. Kevin, Brian and Nick had all said they would be over later that day.

"Are you excited about seeing your mommy and daddy?" Hoke asked as he bounced Alexandria on his knee. He had grown especially close to his granddaughter. He loved her lots. Alexandria cooed up at her grandfather with her baby smile.

"I bet she can't wait," Paula smiled and kissed her husband's cheek. Hoke began to tickle Alexandria and she burst into little giggles.

"I'm hungrwy mommy," Chase whined with puppy dog eyes as he looked up at Lauren.

"You just ate a little bit ago," Lauren laughed. Her son's appetite was becoming as big as his father's.

"But I'm hungrwy!" Chase protested.

"Sorry Chaz. Not until Aunt Stazzie and Uncle Howie get here. Now go bug your father."

"Hey, they're here!" John announced as he peered out the window. Everyone grew quiet as they waited for them to walk up to the door. A few minutes later, they heard a knocking.

"Come in!" Lauren called.

"Where ya at?" Nastasia asked.

"I'm in the living-room!"

A couple seconds passed, then Nastasia and Howie walked into the living-room. They stopped when they saw everyone.

"WELCOME HOME!" everyone shouted.

Nastasia smiled. "Of course you would organize something like this and not bother to tell me Laurie," she laughed.

"Yep, exactly," Lauren grinned.

"Hey, there's my little girl," Howie smiled and walked over to where his father was after Alexandria began to fuss when she saw her daddy. Howie took her into his arms and hugged her tightly, kissing her forehead.

"Welcome back son," Hoke said as he stood up to give his son a hug. Howie returned it with a tight father/son hug.

Nastasia's eyes became a sorrowful color as she looked at Howie and his father hugging. But before she could make a silent wish she heard a squeal. She looked down to see Chase and AJ running her way.

She yelped as Chase jumped into her arms and AJ hugged her. She laughed louder as they spun her in a circle. "Stazzie's home!" AJ shouted loudly.

"YAY!" Chase sang as AJ released them. Nastasia smiled as she offered AJ a kiss on the cheek then turned back to Chase.

"Hey baby! How was Chase?" Nastasia cooed as she sat on the floor. Howie's family began to talk with Howie and coo at Alexandria. Nastasia and Chase began to talk quietly.

"Me good!" Chase bubbled, "Alexia cry all night though. She hurt my ears!"

"Oh really?" Nastasia laughed.

"Yes!" Chase frowned, looking more like his father. Nastasia smiled as Chase giggled again. He jumped back into Nastasia's arms, she hugged him tightly. Just like when he was a tiny baby.

"Miss Aunt Stazzie?" Nastasia asked softly.

"Yes. Very much." Chase replied as he placed a sweet kiss on her cheek, enjoying her arms around him. She laughed again as Alexandria turned her head. She looked at Chase in her mother's arms and fussed loudly.

"What's the matter Lexie?" Lauren asked as Howie placed her down quickly, with all the groans and fussing she was making he had thought he had hurt her. He watched as Alexandria boosted herself up to her two tiny feet.

"Mama mama." Alexandria cooed loudly. Nastasia looked up from Chase and grinned. Alexandria had finally noticed her. She watched as Alexandria began to walk carefully to her mother. Nastasia let out a loud squeal as Alexandria reached her arms.

"Good job baby!" Nastasia cooed as she placed her arms around both Alexandria and Chase, hoisting them both onto her hips. Howie looked at his wife and frowned, something was different in her eyes again.

"Mama!" Alexandria laughed again as she placed a fishie kiss on her mother's lips. Everyone laughed as Nastasia walked over to the group.

"Getting jealous of Chase there Lex?" AJ laughed as Lauren elbowed him in the ribs. He laughed as Lauren rolled her eyes.

"She just missed her mommy." Pollyanna chirped.

"I hope." Nastasia whispered faintly as she looked down at her young daughter. So much like her, yet so different.

"What'd you say Staz?" Hoke asked.

"Nothing." Nastasia answered softly.

"You okay Babe?" Howie asked as he placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. Nastasia gave Howie the best smile she could muster up.

"I'm fine." She answered back, giving him a kiss. Hoping that somehow he would make her sorrows disappear.

Chapter 13:

"Wait! The waves were the best!" Nastasia laughed as she came back into the living room with a wine cooler in hand. Howie looked at her and laughed, she seemed a bit happier than before.

Everyone was back at Nastasia and Howie's house. They had put Chase in his bed and Alexandria in hers. Lauren, AJ, Brian, Kevin, and Nick had volunteered to spend the night over. Which Nastasia didn't care about, they were about as close to a family as she could ever get.

"What happened in the waves?" Nick grinned as Howie pulled Nastasia into his lap. She grinned as Howie wrapped his arms around her lean stomach, pulling her closer to him.

"Howie lost-"

"Nastasia! Don't!" Howie groaned.

"He lost his trunks!" Nastasia giggled, making everyone else burst out laughing. "He was so red, I thought he was a crab. Luckily we were on a private beach area!"

"HOWARD!" Lauren laughed.

"Besides that did you guys have fun?" Kevin asked as Nastasia took a long sip of her wine cooler, inviting the frosty taste into her mouth.

"Peachy." Howie murmured as he placed a tender kiss on Nastasia's neck, sending shivers down her spine. "The sunsets, jacuzzi, and showers were the best."

"Shut up D!" Nastasia smiled as she remembered those places and the tender kisses. Followed by the romantic love making.

"Okay you two!" AJ laughed as Lauren snuggled tighter up to him. Nastasia looked at Howie and gave an innocent shrug.

"What?" She smirked.

"Our producers are having a meeting tomorrow!" Brian suddenly blurted. Howie looked confused.

"A what?"

"They want to talk with us."

"About?"

"I don't know, promotions of the new CD."

"Oh, what time?"

"Noon."

"Will I be up?" Howie joked as he looked at his wife. She grinned wryly at him. He found himself getting lost in her eyes, the lovely shade of green reflecting in them. Making his body shake.

"Maybe..." She grinned as everyone started to laugh harder.

*******

"Nastasia, what are you doing?" Howie moaned loudly as he watched his wife walk through the door leading to their daughter's bedroom. Alexandria had been crying and Nastasia didn't want her to wake everyone else.

"Go back to bed." Nastasia whispered as she walked back into their bedroom. Howie looked to see Nastasia have their daughter in her arms, bundled up tight.

"What are you doing with Alexia?"

"She missed us."

"So? She can sleep in her own bed."

"She missed us." Nastasia pouted as she placed Alexandria into their king sized bed. Howie looked at both girls' innocent faces peering up at him with hope. Alexandria looked at her father and placed a tiny kiss on his forehead.

"You two are evil!"

"We know." Nastasia smiled as she crawled under the covers with Howie. Alexandria snuggled between her parents as Howie wrapped his arms around both girls.

"I love you Nastasia." He whispered as he watched Alexandria drift into her baby slumber. Nastasia looked back at Howie, watching his eyes in the dim-lit room.

"You mean it?"

"With every inch of my heart."

"Good" Nastasia grinned as she leaned over and kissed him in the darkness.

Chapter 14:

Chase creaked back up the stairs quietly. He had a small grin on his face as he reached the top and walked a few feet down the hall and stopped at their door. The door was open a crack and he peered in, seeing that they were both asleep still. He felt a small giggle escape his lips when he heard Howie snore a bit, but he clamped his hand over his mouth childishly, his brown eyes sparkling.

His little hand reached out to the doorknob and he pushed the door open farther. He jumped back a little when Nastasia turned over in bed, but kept sleeping. Then he began taking small steps toward the bed. He grinned and then sprung onto the bed. " WAKE UP! WAKE UP! " he shouted as he bounced the bed a little.

Nastasia shot up in bed with surprise as Alexandria began to cry, and Howie fell out of the bed, smacking his head on the edge of the nightstand.

" Shit! What the heck?! " Howie swore groggily as he brought a numb hand up to his aching forehead. He looked up to see Chase now standing in the middle of the room, frozen in place, looking scared to death. " Damnit Chase... "

Chase looked from his aunt to his uncle, as his bottom lip began to quiver. He hadn't meant any harm, and the look Howie gave him, scared him. Without a word, he bolted out of the room.

Howie balanced himself with the bed to stand up and kept his other hand up to his forehead. He looked over to see Nastasia cuddling Alexandria and trying to comfort her. He grumbled and sat down on the edge of the bed and rubbed the back of his neck, then he turned around to face his wife and daughter. Alexandria was still fussing a little, but not as bad as a minute ago.

" Are you ok? " Nastasia asked gently as she brought a hand up to examine his forehead.

" Yeah, I'm fine, " Howie replied, gently brushing her hand away. He smiled slightly and gave his daughter a small kiss. " I'll be right back, " he whispered and walked out of the room. His body felt stiff as he walked down the hall towards one of the guest rooms, the one Chase always stayed in. It was probably from lack of sleep that night. He walked up to the door and found it to be shut. He opened it and found Chase laying on the bed, his face down in a pillow.

" Hey Chase, sorry I yelled. You sorta scared me, that's - "

" You're mean! " Chase said angrily, glaring back at Howie.

" I didn't mean to yell buddy... "

" You're mean! " Chase repeated again as he pushed past Howie and ran out of the room, the anger seething through his dark eyes.

Howie stood there for a minute as Chase dissappeared around the corner. He sighed and walked out of the room, heading back into his and Nastasia's room. He found that Nastasia was in the bathroom and taking a shower so he walked through the connecting door and into the nursery where he found Alexandria standing up in her crib. She began to coo as Howie walked up to the crib.

He leaned down and rested his arms on the crib railings and stared into his daughter's sparkling green eyes. He could see Nastasia so much in them, she was like her mother in so many ways. She smiled brightly as she placed a tiny kiss on the tip of Howie's nose.

" Am I mean? " he asked as he rested his head on his arms. " Do you think Daddy's mean? "

Alexandria wrapped her tiny arms around Howie's neck in response, giving him a baby hug. Howie hugged his daughter and picked her up, cradling her in his arms. He gave her a raspberry on her tummy and laughed as she squealed.

*****

Lauren cuddled on the end of the couch as she sipped on her cup of coffee and stared lazily at the infomercial that was on tv. Chase walked past her and sat at the other end of the couch. He had a sulking expression on his face.

" What's wrong you? " she asked, offering her son a smile. He didn't answer her, only stared ahead. " Chazzie? "

" Nothing, " Chase pouted.

" Ok, if you say so, " Lauren laughed.

Howie came pounding down the stairs with Alexandria in his arms. He walked over to the play pen and placed her down, then he walked over and bent down in front of Chase. " You still mad? "

" Mean! " was the only word that came out of Chase.

" I'm sorry buddy. I shouldn't have yelled. "

" You're mean! " Chase said and pushed Howie.

Howie lost his balance and fell backwards, landing on his behind, a semi-surprised look on his face.

Lauren looked at her son with surprise. " That was very mean, Chase. You need to apologize to Howie right now. "

" No! " Chase shouted.

" Chase Alexander McLean! " Lauren ordered, her voice raising.

" No! "

" Go up to your room Chase. "

" No! "

" Chase Alexander McLean, now! "

Tears formed in Chase's brown eyes as he looked at Lauren angrily, then ran off up the stairs.

" I'm really sorry about that Howie... "

" It's no problem. "

" No, he shouldn't have done that. I'll talk to him about it. "

" Lauren...don't worry about it. It's ok, I'm at fault for this anyways, " Howie explained as he stood up.

" You're at fault? What do you mean? " Lauren asked with confusion.

" I kinda snapped at him a little bit ago, and I shouldn't have, so I'll go talk to him in a little bit. Don't worry about it. Where'd J go? "

" He headed home about an hour ago to change clothes. You guys have that meeting with your management in 3 hours. The guys left earlier this morning too. "

" Oh yeah, alright. Watch Alexia for me while I go upstairs? Stazzie should be down in a little bit. She's taking a shower. "

" Sure thing. "

Chapter 15:

Howie walked quietly back up the steps. He did feel horrible about Chase calling him mean, but he was just surprised. He didn't expect the early morning wake up call. That's all it was.

Howie walked to the first guest room where Chase slept to find it empty. He sighed as he heard Chase's giggle. He looked to find his and Nastasia's bedroom door cracked a little. Then another giggle, only Nastasia's laugh.

Howie walked to the end and waited for a moment, he saw that Nastasia was dressed in a pair of khaki floods and a bright green tank top, making her ocean eyes spark. He looked to see Chase sitting on their bed as they talked. He listened carefully.

*****

"What's the matter Chazzie?" Nastasia cooed as she slipped the towel off her head. She looked at her nephew in confusion. His eyes were a dim brown color, like AJ's when he was upset. Chase looked at his aunt and frowned.

"Howie made mommy yell at me." Chase frowned as Nastasia shook her long blonde hair out. Little droplets falling towards Chase, making him laugh as Nastasia flipped her hair back.

"How'd Howie do that?" Nastasia asked, noticing that Chase did not include the word uncle in front of Howie's name. That was a sign that he was very upset.

"You look like a monster." Chase said after a few moments of silence. Nastasia looked at the mass of wet, curling blonde hair and laughed. She looked down at Chase and a smile crept on her face.

"You know why?" She grinned.

"No, why?"

"BECAUSE I AM!!!" Nastasia laughed as she tackled Chase on the bed. Thousands of tiny laughs filtered the air as Nastasia continued to tickle Chase. He loved his aunt dearly.

"STOP AUNT STAZZIE! STOP!" Chase giggled as Nastasia fell back onto the large king-sized bed. She let loose a round of giggles as Chase crawled onto her lean stomach.

"So, how did Howie get you in trouble with mommy?" Nastasia asked. Chase glared at her as his bottom lip stuck out. She held the urge to laugh.

"He's mean."

"Why?"

"He yelled at me!"

"I know baby, but Howie didn't mean it."

"He's still mean."

"He's just grumpy." Nastasia laughed as Chase peered down at his aunt. Curiousity twirling in his dark eyes. Nastasia leaned up and moved a strand of dark hair from Chase's eyes.

"Why is he grumpy? Huh Aunt Staz?" Chase asked suddenly.

"You know why?"

"No! Tell me!"

"Because he knows that your Aunt Stazzie loves you a thousands times better than she'll ever love that meanie." Nastasia smiled as she heard the door open. Chase looked to see Howie approach them.

He glared again as Nastasia sat him back down on the bed. She sighed softly as she looked at Howie and shook her head, then walked to the vanity to do her hair.

"Hey Chase." Howie greeted softly as he sat on the bed next to Chase. Who, in return, placed his tiny arms over his chest and scowled. Howie winced, it was tough having a kid mad at you.

"Your still mean." Chase grumbled.

"I didn't mean to yell at you."

"But you got my mommy mad at me!" Chase spat back. Nastasia watched from the mirror, she held the urge to laugh. He was a mirror image of AJ.

"I didn't mean-"

"I still hate you. Stop trying to make it better. Aunt Stazzie loves me! And I hate you!" Chase cried as he jumped off the bed and ran back into the guest room. With his tiny weight he slammed the large door, making Howie jump.

*****

"Strike three, your out!" Nastasia called as she finished brushing her long hair and secured it in a loose ponytail at the base of her neck.

"Shut up Staz, your not funny." Howie scowled as his wife turned to him. She looked at him and paused for a moment, seeing the anger in his eyes.

"You hate having Chase mad at you don't you?"

"Yes." Howie answered stiffly, "And I heard the comment of loving him more than me."

"Your jealous of a five year old?" Nastasia laughed as she placed her hands in her pockets. Howie scowled again, not seeing it very funny. He was sensitive when it came to Nastasia loving him.

"Chill out would you." Nastasia answered as she sat by Howie. He looked at her and caught a long gaze of her emerald ocean eyes. Making him weaken.

"I just-"

"Chase is going through that stage I guess. You know, I hate everyone and everything. So you yelled at him, he'll get over it."

"But I just don't like it."

"What do you think Lex is going to do when she's fifteen and starting to date?"

"Do not joke about that!" Howie scoffed, "She's not dating till she's fifty."

"Right..." Nastasia laughed, Howie sighed. Her eyes were so beautiful, her personality making him fall in love with her all over again. He knew he loved her deeply, he knew he did.

"I'm sorry. Do you still love me?" Howie whimpered as Nastasia helped him stand up. She looked at him in surprise and laughed. She wrapped her arms around his neck and giggled.

"I just love your money."

"Shut up!" Howie laughed.

"I do love you." Nastasia replied as she rolled her eyes. Howie smiled.

"Staz?"

"Hmmm?"

"Am I mean?" Howie asked.

"Terrible. The worst person inside the whole wide world. Your so mean I can't even stand the sight of you right now! So, leave me alone so I can go get my child and have a nice chat with my Lauren." Nastasia teased as she unraveled herself from her husband's arms and ran down the steps, her laughter trailing behind.

Chapter 16:

All the guys, minus A.J, with their management, were sitting around a rectangular-shaped wooden confrencing table, discussing past album sales statistics compared to the recent release of their new album. They're most recent album " Black & Blue " had been such a success in sales, and now they were a planning spectacular world tour.

Howie shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His ears were tuned in to what was being said, but his mind was wandering. ' You're too much of a softy ' he thought to himself, still feeling a little troubled that Chase could be so angry with him. Though Nastasia was probably right. He was probably already over it and was no longer mad, but what if he still was? Howie would hate to have him mad at him still. After all, he hadn't meant to yell at him.

" What do you think D? " Kevin asked as all heads turned towards Howie.

Howie shook his head and blinked his eyes several times. " Huh? "

" You're spacing again bro, " Brian laughed.

" I don't want to know what he's thinking about, " Nick said childishly.

" How old are you Frack? " Brian asked as Howie gave Nick a puzzled look.

" Um...20, why Frick? "

" Are you sure about that? "

" Yes. "

" Uh-huh, right... " Brian grinned, his voice trailing off.

" Hey! " Nick piped up. " What's that susposed to mean? "

" Nothing, Frack. Nothing. "

" Anyways, do any of you know where Mr. McLean is? " one of their managers asked, after flipping through a pile of papers.

" I haven't got a clue, " Kevin answered, looking down at his watch. A.J was terribly late. It was now 1:45, the meeting had started at 12:15, meaning it had started 15 minutes late. " D, where's J at? "

Again Howie was spacing, leaning back into the chair, his eyes kind of glazed over as he looked deep in thought. Just as Kevin was about to repeat his question, the door to the meeting room burst open and A.J rushed in. Everyone looked at him in question.

" Yo! Sup? Sorry I'm a little late, " he said as he took a seat in the empty chair and dropped his keys onto the wooden table.

" A little, try an hour and a half, " Brian laughed.

A.J grinned sheepishly. " Sorry guys, I uh...had a few errands to run. "

" Well, glad to have you finally join us Mr. McLean, " one of the managers said. " Now that all of you are here, we can start talking about plans for the " Black & Blue " World Tour. "

*****

Nastasia laughed as Lauren rolled her eyes. The two of them had been engrossed in quite a long conversation, since Howie had left.

" Well, that's just JJ for ya, " Nastasia laughed.

Lauren laughed too. " I swear, I don't know about him sometimes... "

" But that just makes you love him more. "

" Yes it does. His wild sense of fashion, not being able to make up his mind on what color he wants his hair to be, and damn, all those tattoos...I find it quite sexy. "

" Well, he was quite the dork when he was younger. You're lucky you didn't know him back then, " Nastasia joked.

" I think I met him one time, yeah, I met him one time. And that was a funny experience. I think it was back in what? 7th...no 8th grade. You called me up and said you, me and two of your friends were all going out to a movie, and you wouldn't let me say no. So my Mom picked you up and drove us to the theater. I'll never be able to forget what happened that night. God, Alex was such an immature punk back then. We were all sitting in the theater and just as the movie started, I could tell someone was throwing popcorn at me and I knew it was Alex because I could see a grin on his face. I told him to stop and being the jerk he was, he kept on doing it. "

" Yeah, and what do you do? You stand up, right during the opening credits, your popcorn bucket crashing to the ground and you throw your pop on him, telling him how much of an immature jerk he was. Then you left, " Nastasia burst out laughing as she finished Lauren's story. " I can still remember the surprised look on JJ's face when you threw your pop on him. It was a funny sight. But thanks to you, you ruined my date, because I had to run after you before you got out of the theater. "

" Consider me having done you a favor that night, " Lauren laughed. " You went out on a date with Jeremy Roberts, the biggest jerk in junior high. "

" Hey! I thought he was cute. "

" You also thought he was the sweetest, most innocent guy on earth until Mary Simmins. "

Nastasia rolled her eyes when that name clicked in her head. Mary Simmins had been her worst enemy throughout junior high and into highschool. Nastasia and Jeremy had hooked up for only one week until she saw him kissing Mary Simmins near his locker. " Yeah, well she was a bitch. What can I say? "

" That I won't deny. Did you know they broke up two weeks later? "

" No I didn't, but serves Jeremy right. "

Lauren stood up from the couch and walked over to the bottom of the stairs. " Chase! Would you come down here please? " Chase had been up in the guest room ever since he had stormed from Howie and Nastasia's room, earlier that morning.

A minute later, he came pounding down the stairs and glared at Lauren as he walked by her and sat next to Nastasia on the couch.

" Get your shoes on Chase, " Lauren said.

" Where are you going? " Nastasia asked.

" Going home. "

" NO! You can't! " Nastasia said as she stood up abruptly from the couch. Chase looked at her with surprise.

Lauren's eyes glazed over with question. " And may I ask why not? "

Nastasia bit her lower lip and looked at the ground. She had gotten a phone call from A.J earlier, while Lauren had been in the bathroom. He had told her, whatever she had to do, to keep Lauren from going home. " Um, because...I said so. "

" Funny Staz. I gotta go home and change out of these clothes. "

" No! I was thinking we could take the kids to a movie today. I heard there was a new Disney movie out. And Chase has been bugging me to take him to go see it. "

" Ha, you expect me to go looking like this? "

" You can borrow a pair of my clothes. The pair of khaki shorts and blue tank. "

" You mean, my pair of khaki shorts and blue tank, " Lauren laughed, remembering how she had lent them to Nastasia and still hadn't gotten them back.

" Sure, then it should be no problem, right? "

" Alright, we'll go to the movies. "

Nastasia grinned and tickled Chase, causing the scowling look to leave his face and him to burst into giggles.

Chapter 17:

"So, you guys will be starting the tour in a month, ending it three months after. We'll get Fatima and your old dancers on the phone. You'll be practicing by next weekend."

"Old dancers?" Howie asked, finally being able to pay attention. AJ seemed to be bouncing up and down, a hurry to get somewhere. Brian and Nick were currently actually paying attention, but only because Kevin was glaring at them.

"Yes, I believe your married to one of them?"

"Stazzie's going back on tour?! Awesome!" Nick suddenly burst, all the guys had adopted her as their younger little sister. She had become a part of the family at a very young age, and was loved dearly. All the boys watched out for her.

"Yes, we asked some fans and they absolutely love Nastasia. I don't know why, but she appeals to the crowd. And the young men seem to fancy her."

"Wonder why..." AJ grinned, Howie glared at him.

"MY wife, J." He growled. AJ rolled his eyes, Howie was always super protective of Nastasia.

"What about family? I mean, AJ and Howie both have wives and children." Kevin spoke up suddenly. Howie and AJ both looked towards the producers, that was a good question.

"You'll be hitting the states first, then the other countries. I don't see how it could hurt. I mean, Howie's wife is one of the dancers. Plus AJ's wife could certainly look after the children while you're performing."

"Lauren designated babysitter. Oh she's going to love that one." Brian laughed.

"Will we have time to spend with them?" Howie asked, all the exotic countries would fancinate Nastasia beyond belief. Howie wanted to be there to show her the sights, expanding her mind to new possiblites. He loved the look on his wife's face when he showed her things he knew she'd love. She was still a child at heart.

"Oh, of course."

"Thank you." AJ nodded.

"So, we start next weekend?" Nick frowned, hating to have his freedom pulled from beneath him again. He loved touring, but he'd miss home.

"Yes, you have to prepare very hard."

"We know." Brian laughed, "Back on tour with Black and Blue. Boy, we're gonna cause a sensation!"

"We hope."

"Thank you." Kevin nodded as they watched their mangement walk out of the room, leaving the boys to talk. Howie seemed to have a grin from ear to ear as they talked.

"Nastasia is going to have a blast. Just wait till we tell her!" Brian laughed as he hit the table with his hand. Howie grinned again.

"I can't wait." He laughed.

"She's been dying to dance again. Can't you see it in her eyes?" Kevin asked as the boys stood up. AJ jumped, he still seemed hyper.

"It's in her eyes totally. She'll even dance with Lexie in her arms. Have you seen that? It's adorable!" AJ laughed as he slapped Howie's back. Howie looked confused, he hadn't seen that before.

"She's cute when that happens." Brian nodded.

"Anyway, Lauren and Chase are going to die. They'll love it." AJ grinned, happy to be able to have Chase and Lauren on tour again. It always made him happy.

"Chase will enjoy it." Kevin nodded. Howie winced, he and Chase were still fighting. He hated to have Nastasia's favorite little guy mad at him. He knew he'd have a hard time sleeping tonight.

"Chase will have a blast with little Lexie too." Nick grinned.

"Oh damn! I got to go!" AJ suddenly groaned. He grabbed his car keys and jammed them into his pocket.

"What's the hurry?" Howie asked.

"Nothing! Tell Stazzie I said thanks! She'll know why! Good luck, I want a picture of her face when you tell her the news. Make sure you kiss her goodnight for me too, plus one or more from yourself. Staz is a very cuddly person you know!" AJ called as he ran out the door, leaving Howie in a state of confusion.

Chapter 18:

Nastasia pulled her jeep into the driveway and killed the enginge. They were just returning from the movie, having taken Chase to go see " The Emperor's New Groove ". Chase had loved the movie while Lauren and Nastasia had nearly fallen asleep.

" Did you like the movie Chaz? " Lauren asked as she got Alexandria out of the car seat for Nastasia.

" Uh huh! " Chase exclaimed as he hopped from the jeep. He was happy again and had forgot about being mad at his mommy for being mad at him.

" Howie's home, " Lauren pointed out, seeing his car parked in the garage. As soon as she said that, Chase's features turned darker. It was obvious he was still angry with Howie.

" I'll race you inside Chase! " Nastasia exclaimed with a grin, trying to get him to lighten up. Then took off running.

" No fair Auntie Staz! " Chase yelled and ran after her.

Lauren laughed as she watched the two. They surely were a pair. She didn't know what she would have done if Nastasia wouldn't have been there to help her with Chase. She had been such a lifesaver so many times and Lauren would be forever thankful. She balanced Alexandria on her hip and headed into the house.

" Hey babe, is that you? " Howie called out as he heard the front door open. He walked into the front hallway just as Nastasia was hanging up her jacket.

" Hey you - what time did you get home? " Nastasia asked as she wrapped her arms around his neck and recieved a kiss.

" Half an hour ago. Where did you run off to? "

" We took Chase to go see " The Emperor's New Groove. That new disney movie that's out. "

" Wow, cool, " Howie smiled and went to bend down to Chase's level, but before he had a chance, Chase ran off into the living-room. Howie frowned and stood back up. " He's still mad I take it... "

" Don't worry about it Howie, he'll get over it... " Nastasia whispered assuringly as Lauren walked through the door with Alexandria.

" Hey Howie, " Lauren greeted with a smile. Alexandria began to fuss and squirm in her arms as she reached for Howie. She was a defenite daddy's girl.

" Hey, " he said as he took his daughter from her.

" Where's Alex at? "

" I'm not quite sure. He arrived to the meeting an hour and a half late and then he left in a hurry. "

" Hey Laurie, how about you let Chase spend the night here again, " Nastasia suggested with a grin.

" Why? "

" Because I said so and don't argue with me. Just let him spend the night here and you go home. "

" Alex is putting you up to this, isn't he? "

" I don't know anything! " Nastasia said, putting both hands in the air and walked into the living-room.

" Howie? " Lauren asked.

" I'm clueless, " Howie answered and took Alexandria upstairs.

" Uh huh... " Lauren walked into the living-room and found Nastasia talking to Chase on the couch.

*****

" Do you want to spend the night again Chazzie? " Nastasia asked.

" Is Howie going to be here? " Chase grumbled.

" Oh sweetie, he lives here, so yeah. "

" Well, make him leave. "

" I can't do that. That would hurt his feelings. "

" He hurt mine! " Chase pouted and crossed his arms over his chest.

" He didn't mean to. "

" He's mean! "

" Do you really mean that Chaz? "

" Yes! "

" Why? "

" Because he yelled at me! "

" And he didn't mean to. You just surprised him, actually, I think you scared him, " Nastasia laughed.

" Really? "

" Yep. "

" Do you know why? "

" No, why? "

" Because I'm a monster! " Chase jumped onto Nastasia and began tickling her.

Lauren laughed quietly from where she watched in the doorway. Nastasia really had a way with kids. It was amazing.

" So, what do you say you go upstairs and talk to Howie? " Nastasia asked once they had calmed down. " Well Chaz? "

" Alright... " Chase sighed as Nastasia gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

" What are you still doing here? " Nastasia laughed as Chase ran past Lauren.

" Well I was going to say goodbye to my son, but I guess that's not an option now, huh? "

" Nope. it's not. So leave! "

" Geez, you must be in a big hurry to get rid of me. Damn. "

" Bye Laurie. "

Lauren rolled her eyes. " Bye. "

*****

Howie carefully placed Alexandria down into her crib and snuggled her up with her pooh bear. He covered her with her teddy bear blanket and smoothed the hair from her face.

He smiled down at her and watched as her tiny eyes began to close as she drifted off into slumber. " I love you sweetie, " he whispered and turned around. He was surprised to find Chase standing in the door way. Howie walked over and bent down in front of him.

" Is Alexia sleeping? " Chase asked quietly.

Howie nodded. " What's up? "

" Nothin'... "

" You wanna talk? "

" Yes, " Chase answered.

" Ok, well let's go somewhere else so we don't wake Alexia up, " Howie said as he stood up and shut the door. They walked down the hall a bit and went into Chase's room. Howie went over and sat on the edge of the bed. " What did you want to talk about? "

" I'm sorry Uncle Howie, " Chase said quietly.

" About what? "

" Because I said I hate you, but I don't. "

" Hey, it's ok. I'm sorry for yelling at you earlier, " Howie replied and smiled, feeling better now that Chase was talking to him again. " You scared me this morning, that's all. "

" I did? "

" Yeah, you scared me so much that I fell out of bed, " Howie laughed.

" And you bumped your head, " Chase giggled.

Howie grinned. " Yeah, but no harm done. So are we buddies again? "

" Yes! "

" That's good. "

" Wanna play Pokemon Uncle Howie? "

" Sure, can I be Pikachu? "

" No, I'm pikachu. You can be Chazard! "

" Why do you always get to be Pikachu? " Howie laughed.

" Because, I said so! " Chase giggled as Howie stood up. Howie started walking towards him with his tickle look on his face. " Uh oh... " Chase said and began backing up, then Howie came after him, scooping him up and attacking him with tickles. " No Uncle Howie! No! Aunt Stazzie! Help! "

" She can't help you now! I've got you! " Howie laughed evily and ran out of the room and down the stairs with Chase.

Chapter 19:

Lauren walked into her and AJ's large mansion. She knew he was planning something and decided to be careful. Last time he had planned something he came out of their room wearing a little thong thing, only because Lauren had commented on him in one of them.

"Alex? Baby? You home?" Lauren called loudly as she walked up their large steps. The house was extremely quiet, a little too quiet. Which made her a little uneasy.

"Alexander James! C'mon! This isn't funny anymore!" Lauren called as she walked into their large master bedroom.

Lauren's heart jumped as she reached their room. She looked in to find the place surrounded in brightly burning candles. A fragrence of cherry filling her nostrils, her favorite candle flavor. She continued to look around to find glasses of wine and rose petals laying gently around their large bed.

"Welcome home baby!" AJ called as he wrapped his arms around Lauren's waist. She looked back to see him in a pair of black silk boxers, his tattoos outlined perfectly with the tone of his tan skin.

"When and why?" Lauren whispered as she turned around to face her husband. A wry smile creeping onto his face as she leaned in and kissed him gently. Her heart swelling with a lot of passion.

"I got the idea while I watched you sleep. I decided we needed some time alone. Stazzie owed me a favor, plus she loves Chaser to pieces anyway...So, BOOM!"

"Is that all Mr. McLean?" Lauren grinned.

"That and I'll be leaving for awhile."

"For what?"

"A tour."

"Oh, and I can't come?" Lauren pouted

"Yes, you and Chase are both coming."

"Wow! For real?!" Lauren beamed.

"Yeah, we're even going to these really exotic places. Mr. and Mrs. McLean are going to be having a lot of fun!" AJ grinned.

"Really?" Lauren smiled, her mind floating away with endless possibilites. "I'm taking it Staz is dancing again?"

"Nick would have thrown a fit if she wasn't on tour. Of course, all us guys are hoping she'll be our dancer. We're all paying Fatima off." AJ smiled.

"Figures." Lauren laughed, the guys loved Nastasia.

"But we won't have a lot of time to ourselves. Plus the fans, and all that... So, you know my reasons. I just love you so much... How much do you love me?" AJ grinned.

"Enough to know I'd never give you up. I'm addicted." Lauren smiled as she kept kissing him. Backing him up to their bed. Their kisses becoming more passioned as they fell onto the bed.

****************

Alexandria had woken up from her nap awhile ago. Howie had fallen asleep in their bedroom, so Nastasia was stuck with the kids. She didn't mind it though. She loved them to death, she couldn't imagine not having Alexandria and Chase in her life.

Nastasia began to prepare dinner quietly as Chase and Alexandria played with some blocks on the floor. She laughed as Alexandria began to coo loudly, she loved her cousin dearly. Nastasia giggled as she leaned over and put on the music.

"Hey! Daddy sings that!" Chase exclaimed not only a few seconds into the song. Nastasia turned back to the kids and laughed as Alexandria perked up.

"Alexia's Daddy sings it too." Nastasia answered as Alexandria pulled herself up from the table in the kitchen, somewhere where Nastasia could do some work when Howie was in their office.

"I like this song!" Chase exclaimed as he jumped up. It was one of the boys' new songs. It was one that Howie had wrote after he had asked Nastasia to marry him, "Shining Star". Nick had helped, which Nastasia constantly teased him about.

"Me too. Seems like Little Lex likes it too." Nastasia grinned as Alexandria began to bob up and down to the music. Her little giggles ringing out as Chase grabbed his Aunt's hands.

"Baby when you do the things you do. I wanna be close to you. Guess I need to feel your every move. Baby you can't see how much I, I need your touch. I can't get enough." Nastasia sang as she started to dance, her voice ringing like the sound of heavenly bells.

Chase and Alexandria laughed as Nastasia bent down and crooned in their ears, dancing with both of them. Alexandria loved when her mother sung to her, it was something only Lauren had noticed so far. The mother-daughter bond was close, but seemed so alive and worthwhile when Nastasia sung to her.

Howie walked lazily down into the kitchen when he heard the music. He looked to see Nastasia dancing closely with Chase and Alexandria while she sung. Her voice hitting the right keys and tones at the exact second. Howie never realized how talented his wife was.

"Hey baby." Howie smiled. Nastasia looked over and laughed, a bright red blush creeping to her cheeks as she stood and grabbed Alexandria. She moved and turned off the music.

"Sorry, I was cooking dinner." Nastasia apologized. Howie could see the far away daze in her eyes. Music was a very large chunk of Nastasia's life. If she couldn't dance or sing she would die. He could see the passion run wild in her eyes every time she danced. She was dying to dance again.

"I love it when you dance and sing. How could I be mad?" Howie asked softly as Chase ran and climbed into his arms. Alexandria cuddled closely to her mother as Nastasia smiled.

"Thanks Howie." She whispered. Howie looked again, something wasn't right in her eyes. The spark and glimmer was gone. He wished he knew what was wrong.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all." Nastasia answered softly. She looked away for a moment, she knew what her problem was, but she didn't want to voice it. She knew Howie was still questioning her about the scars, it would only be a matter of time before Lauren would tell him.

"Come here." Howie laughed as he pulled Nastasia closer with his free arm. He brought his lips to her silky ones and planted a sweet kiss onto her lips. She kissed back, tasting the softness and sweetness of his lips on hers. She didn't know what she would do without him.

"What was that for?" She asked softly.

"Thank AJ." Howie laughed.

"Okay...I'll make sure I do that tomorrow..." Nastasia answered, her mind getting lost.

"Hey, I have some news for you." Howie grinned, Nastasia's eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. Howie grinned, he knew she was going to flip out about going back on tour. And he was happy he could give her that.

Chapter 20:

" Time for bed Chase, " Nastasia announced as she came down the stairs after putting Alexandria down, finding Chase leaning against Howie's shoulder as the pair watched some show on t.v. She smiled warmly, happy to know Chase was no longer mad at Howie.

" But I'm not tired Aunt Stazzie, " Chase yawned and giggled as he tried to hide it.

" Uh huh, right...c'mon up to bed, " Nastasia repeated as she walked over to the two.

Chase looked up to Howie with the puppy dog face. Howie laughed down at him. " Sorry buddy, can't help ya. It's time for bed. "

" Not fair, " Chase mumbled as he stood up, stretching in his dinosaur pjs. Nastasia laughed as she watched him, he was so much like A.J, a stubborn brat at times.

" Yes, yes, life isn't fair Mister. Now let's go, " Nastasia laughed and scooped him up into her arms before he could get away.

*****

Howie walked out of the bathroom and into the bedroom, trying to get his eyes to adjust. " You asleep Stazzie? " he called out quietly, not wanting to wake her up if she was.

" Yes, " Nastasia mumbled with a laugh.

" Funny, " Howie grinned as he climbed into bed next to her. He reached over and began to rub her back, seeing that she was laying on her stomach, being her invitation for him to do so. " I've got some great news that I know you're gonna love. "

" What would that be, " Nastasia yawned.

" I'm leaving... "

" What?! " Nastasia exclaimed as her back tensed up.

Howie laughed. " Whoa, calm down. That didn't come out right, " he said as he continued to rub her back. " We start practicing next weekend, to get ready - "

" For tour! " Nastasia finished, the excitment hinting in her tired voice. She figured they would be heading off for tour again sometime, she just wasn't sure when.

" Yes, and great news. "

" I thought that was the great news, " Nastasia laughed.

" That was part of it. The best part is, management wants you to come back and be a dancer again on this tour. They say you appeal to the crowd, dancing with us. I say you appeal to ME, " Howie said and leaned in to kiss her neck.

Nastasia giggled as she scooted closer to him, loving the feeling of his gentle touch on her bare back. " Are you serious? "

" Would I ever lie to you? "

" Not that I know. I'm actually going to be going back on tour? " Joy was overwhelming every inch of her body, she missed being on tour so much. She couldn't dream of ever doing anything else. Dancing was her life.

" Yes, and I wouldn't have it any other way, " Howie replied, knowing how excited she was. He could just sense the smile on her face.

" I'm sure you wouldn't, " Nastasia giggled, knowing that being back on tour was going to be great. She couldn't wait.

" And the best thing about it is we'll be together and nothing can go wrong, " Howie whispered and began to plant tiny kisses on Nastasia's neck, then slowly made his way down to her back. But as he approached the tender spot between her shoulder blades, his eyes caught sight of the ugle mark that raked her perfect skin. He immediately stopped and pulled back an inch, wincing. He knew there was no way it was caused from a childhood accident, but that was Nastasia's excuse and he knew she was lying.

" baby, what's wrong? " Nastasia asked suddenly, sensing something was wrong when Howie stopped.

" What's this from? " Howie asked, wishing she would tell him the truth about it for once. Then maybe he would understand why it hurt her so much to talk about it.

Nastasia closed her eyes, knowing exactly what he was talking about. Why did he keep questioning her about it? She wished he would just forget about it, because all she wanted to do was keep it in the past. " I-I told you already. It's from when I- "

" Stazzie, stop it! Please tell me the truth! "

Nastasia sat up abruptly and faced Howie, some of her blond hair falling in her face. " I already told you, why are you calling me a liar? "

" Stazzie, " Howie began, seeing the hurt in her eyes and wondering now if maybe he shouldn't have brought it up.

Just as Nastasia was about to answer, a small soft voice came from the doorway.

" Aunt Stazzie, I'm thirsty. "

Nastasia turned her head towards the doorway and saw a sleepy Chase standing there, clutching the stuffed animal he always slept with.

" Alright sweetie, " she replied and turned back to Howie. " Just forget about it, " she whispered to him, the anger hinting in her soft voice, then she climbed out of bed and took Chase downstairs for a drink of water.

*****

A.J moaned in his sleep, feeling the bright sun beating on his face as it shone through the window. He tilted his head to the right and after a few seconds, his eyes opened. He smiled to see Lauren sleeping soundly next to him. Before long, she began to stir in her sleep and was finally awake.

" Alex... " Lauren said with a smile as she snuggled closer to him, laying her head on his bare chest.

" I love you so much, " A.J whispered in her ear, wrapping an arm around her slender body.

" I love you too. "

" What do you say we stay in bed all day and make love? " A.J said in a deep voice as he began kissing her neck, stopping only to shortly nibble on her ear, and then continued.

" You're such a hornball, " Lauren laughed.

" You make me that way, " A.J grinned.

" Oh don't I feel special. "

" You should, sexy mama. " He began smothering her face with kisses. he sat up and leaned a bit over her, still offering his passionate kisses.

" Well, " Lauren laughed between kisses. " As much as I'd like to take you up on your offer...we do need to go get Chase. "

" Nah, we don't have to, " A.J grinned, his brown eyes staring into her sapphire ones.

" Yes we do, " Lauren laughed as she pushed him back a bit and sat up. " Mr. Hornball. "

" Eh, but you still love me...sexy mama. "

" I won't deny that, " lauren replied as she climbed out of bed and headed into the bathroom.

Chapter 21:

Nastasia searched frantically around her room. Howie had already left for practice with the guys, he said that they were having a short meeting then would be down to practice. She didn't mind, she was still upset about Howie pressing the scar so much.

"Mama!" Alexandria cooed as Nastasia began to toss her clothing out of the drawers. Her daughter laughed as a tank top landed on her head. Nastasia looked back and laughed at her daughter, she was adorable.

"Mama your butt."

"Dada."

"No! Not daddy!

"Dada." Alexandria replied mischievously.

"All right! That's it baby! Mommy's gonna get you!" Nastasia laughed as she jumped onto the big bed and grabbed Alexandria. The little one released a fit full of giggles as Nastasia gave her long raspberries on her tiny tummy.

"Haha!" Alexandria called out as Nastasia let go of her daughter. Fixing the long blonde hair that had fallen into her eyes. Alexandria struggled to sit up and looked at her mother.

"Haha! Mommy got you!" Nastasia called back.

"Mommy should get her clothes on. What would happen if Uncle AJ came in?" Nastasia heard a voice call. She jumped as she turned to see Lauren leaning against the doorframe. She breathed a sigh of relief.

Nastasia looked down quickly. All that clung to her slim figure were a pair of adidas warm-up pants and a sports bra. Nastasia laughed, "I look damn good. I think JJ would have a heart attack."

"Sometimes I worry about you looking so good." Lauren laughed as she fell onto the bed with Alexandria, who immediately crawled into her Aunt's lap.

"Chase is downstairs watching a movie." Nastasia replied as she went back to searching through her massive amounts of clothing.

"Okay, have enough clothes?"

"Like you can talk!" Nastasia laughed, throwing a tank top at her. One of the tank tops she used to wear dancing.

"Why can't you wear this Stazzie? I mean, you used to wear it all the time." Lauren asked as she held up the white tank top with the adidas logo on it.

"Because..."

"Why?"

"Is this really bad?" Nastasia asked as she turned around and reached her hand the lightly graze the scar between her shoulder blades. She shivered, touching the thing was worse. She knew it was deformed and totally disgusting. She knew why Howie hated to kiss between her shoulder blades, who would want to kiss that nasty thing?

Lauren winced, "Why do you want to know?"

"Howie's been asking about it. And I wondered how bad it looked." Nastasia answered as she turned to face her friend, wanting her honest opinion.

"It's really bad Staz. That's only because your dad wouldn't take you to the doctor for it. The thing bled constantly for days, luckily my mom took you in."

"I-"

"Why is Howie asking about it?"

"I told him it was a childhood incident."

"But it wasn't-"

"I got in the way of my dad. It was too a childhood accident!"

"Your dad was swinging at you with the knife. I find it hard to believe that it's something all kids go through."

"He didn't want me dating." Nastasia answered, her bottom lip quivering as the memories flooded her mind. She shivered, it was so cold.

"Staz, you told Howie it was a childhood accident?"

"Yes. He thinks I'm lying. And he's mad at me for it."

"Why don't you tell him the truth?"

"Because he doesn't need to know!"

"He's your husband!"

"So?"

"You have to-"

"I think I'll wear my adidas shirt and shoes. What do you think?" Nastasia asked suddenly changing the topic sooner than it had started. Lauren glared, hating when her friend did that.

"Fine." She gritted.

"You going to dance practice?" Nastasia asked as she held her arms out to Alexandria. Who immediatly begged to be picked up. Nastasia brought her arms around the little one and kissed her softly, hoping to leave the memories behind.

"Yes, I'm watching Lexie and Chase till your done." Lauren replied softly, hoping her friend would stop hurting.

********

Lauren sat in the chairs through half of the practice. Chase was keeping Alexandria entertained with blocks. Lauren was happy too, she loved watching the practices.

The guys looked to be in peak condition. All dancing with their own style, AJ's was the most wild. Which intrigued Lauren as he stared at her the whole time he was dancing. Making her go crazy, just wanting to kiss him.

Then Nastasia's dancing was enough to make all the guys get lost in the rhythm. And the way she moved her body was sexually stimulating the boys. The way she rotated her body, shook her hips, twisted, and the looks in her eyes...

Each boy was dying to dance with her. And she caught on quickly to the new dances, dancing with each guy so Fatima could choose who she belonged with.

Her dancing was so soulful. Lauren found tears welling in her eyes as she watched Nastasia dance. Something in her body that made her move was amazing. Like she was lost in the music. Lauren knew that dancing was Nastasia's life. Even the way she danced looked like the next day she'd never be able to dance again. She lived her life through each dance.

"Laurie! How was I?" Nastasia bubbled as she ran back to the chairs while they had a ten minute break. Lauren shook her head, still lost in Nastasia's dancing. "Laur?"

"Great Stazzie, totally fantastic!"

"Thanks, it's hot!" Nastasia laughed as she pulled her shirt up to a knot above her belly button. Lauren smiled as Howie looked his wife's way, her shoulder blades were covered. He looked like he had just fallen in love with her all over again.

"So I did good?" Nastasia asked as she picked up Alexandria and Chase in both her arms, kissing them repeatedly.

"Why don't you ask them." Lauren laughed as she saw their best friends, the Backstreet Boys, come sauntering their way.

Chapter 22:

"Hey, there's my Lauren!" Brian laughed as he jogged over to Lauren, pulling her into his arms for a friendly hug.

Lauren placed a sisterly kiss on his cheek. "Well here's my Bri Bear," she giggled as Brian offered her a cheezy grin. "Still the same big dork he's always been."

"Hey now," Brian replied sadly.

"You know I still love you," Lauren giggled again.

"Well, if you weren't married to J, I would -" Brian began as he placed his arms around Lauren's waist.

"AHEM!" A.J hissed, glaring at Brian as he walked up to everyone. "You mind keeping your hands off my wife, 'Rok?"

Lauren rolled her eyes as Brian backed up a foot. A.J was a little over protective at times, and this was one of those times. Brian had just been joking, both of them knew there was nothing between them. And Lauren loved A.J. Not once had the word "cheat" crossed her mind while she was with him. "I'm sensing a bit of jealousy here Mr. McLean," she joked as he placed his arms around her protectively.

"Yo, I was just jokin' J," Brian stated defensively.

"Don't mind him Bri Bear. He needs to learn how to stop being so over protective," Lauren teased as she looked up at A.J.

"Yeah, you best have been joking," A.J hissed again, this time a bit of laughter hinting in his voice, evident that he now knew it had been a playful joke.

*****

"Are you still mad at me?" Howie asked as he walked over to his wife, who was still relaxing in a chair with the two children. Alexandria cooed up at her Daddy.

"I was never mad at you," Nastasia replied as Chase jumped from her lap and ran over to A.J.

"Liar," Howie joked as he went to sit next to her. He leaned over to give her a kiss, but she pushed him away.

"Stop calling me a liar," she whispered forcefully, her ocean eyes boiling with anger.

"I was only joking," Howie said, not understanding what the big deal was.

"I don't care, just stop," Nastasia replied and turned away from him.

Howie sat there in confusion as her back faced him. Maybe he should have chose his words a little more wisely. "Listen," he said as he leaned forward and pulled her into his arms. "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry, ok?"

"Fine, whatever." Nastasia replied quickly as she broke his hold on her. She stood up and placed Alexandria into Howie's arms, then turned away from him. Howie winced as he watched the group walk over to them.

****

"Hey baby!" Nick called quickly as he ran over to Nastasia. She laughed as Nick wrapped her into his arms and gave her a giant hug.

"Hey sweetie!" She called back, laughing still. Kevin was next, getting a tight hug from her also. She smiled, he was a big brother and Nick was her little brother.

"You looked fantasic while you danced Stazzie." AJ smiled as he held onto Lauren tightly. Chase smiled as he jumped into Nastasia's arms once again. She gave him a kiss as Lauren leaned into AJ's shoulder.

"Does anyone know who I'm dancing with yet?" Nastasia asked after a few moments.

"No one knows... Fatima said she'd let us know tomorrow..." Kevin answered, everyone observing the hostility Nastasia was showing Howie. Lauren got a bit leery looking at Howie, who seemed to be in a tremendous amount of pain.

"I paid Fatima good too, so hopefully I'll get you." Kevin joked as Alexandria wiggled out from her father's lap. His eyes were a darker color, Nastasia wouldn't even notice him.

"I bet I won't get you..." Nick pouted.

"Why?" Lauren asked, laughing at the innocent smile Nastasia was giving him.

"Because I'm not that lucky."

"Poor baby." AJ laughed.

"For real." Nick sulked, "Staz, what are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing." Nastasia answered as Alexandria began to whine for her mother to pick her up. Nastasia relented as she put Chase down and picked up Alexandria. She giggled as her mother rolled her eyes.

"Would you want to go out clubbin'?" Nick asked suddenly, "Kevin and I have been dying to take you to this new place we found! Only, we couldn't tear you away from Howie for like an hour!"

"Oh, well...I'm definantly game tonight. You can have me all to yourselves. Howie can watch Alexia tonight. I need to get out of this place, go do something." Nastasia replied, anger hinting in her voice as she metioned Howie's name.

"You want to go home and get changed then Kevin and I will pick you up?" Nick asked.

"Sure, Kevvy that okay with you?" Nastasia asked.

"Sure! I'd love to." Kevin replied with a grin as he leaned and gave Nastasia a quick kiss on the cheek. "I better get going if I'm planning on going out with one of the most beautiful women in the world."

"Me too!" Nick replied as he and Kevin left quickly.

"I'll see you guys around okay?" Brian suggested as he gave a brotherly kiss to Lauren's cheek. She smiled as AJ laughed.

"Why don't you come over to our house tonight since Kevin and Nick are taking Staz out?" AJ suggested to Brian quickly.

"Sure, sounds fun." Brian nodded as he left.

"Here, you take Lex. I'm going out tonight with Kevvy and Nicky, as you heard. Why don't you go hang out with Lauren and AJ tonight." Not really giving Howie a choice in the matter.

"I'll be home late probably." Nastasia replied as she handed Alexandria to Howie. He looked at her hurtfully, but she didn't see it. "I'm leaving."

Chapter 23:

Nastasia walked into her quiet home. Her heart aching as she slowly walked up the steps to her and Howie's room. She wanted to burst in tears as she looked in and saw the thousands of pictures of her and Howie.

"Gosh, why can't he just let things be? The past is the past, nothing more or less." Nastasia answered as she walked to her large closet and searched through the clothing.

She hated fighting with Howie. She felt crummy about dumping Alexandria into his arms too. She'd make up with him when she got home, telling him she was sorry. She shouldn't be mad at him for what happened to her in the past.

"Although he shouldn't call me a liar. I don't lie." She called out to herself suddenly. Her heart pounded as she zoned backwards in time.

*********

"Hey Daddy!" Nastasia called as she bounded into the kitchen. Her mother was in the bedroom again, probably drinking. Nastasia frowned as she glanced in the fridge, finding nothing.

"Where were you girl?" Her father hissed loudly as she shut the kitchen door quietly. His eyes were bloodshot. Four beer cans piled onto the kitchen table.

"Library with Kyle." Nastasia answered softly as she looked to the sink, piled with thousands of dirty dishes. She knew she'd have to wash them before she could go to bed, then her homework. Her father didn't care though.

"Liar." He grumbled.

"What?"

"Liar, where were you girl?" He replied, his voice heating with anger.

"Library with Kyle, daddy."

"LIAR!" He roared as he jumped up from the table. He quickly grabbed a fistful of Nastasia's blonde hair, yanking her towards him. She felt tears spring to her eyes.

"Daddy, don't!"

"Where were you!?"

"L-L-Library." Nastasia sniffled.

"Why lie to me girl? I hate liars!" He roared as he brought his hand along-side of Nastasia's cheek, knocking her down with the blow.

"I know you and that boy were probably in his backseat! I hate liars and you know it!" He yelled again, smacking her repeatedly.

"Liar!"

Smack.

"Liar!"

Smack.

"Daddy!" Nastasia whimpered, feeling the blood trickle down from her cheek and nose. He roared again, smacking harder, until Nastasia let things go black.

******

"Stazzie?!" Nastasia jumped from the sound. She looked to see Nick and Kevin waiting in her living room. She looked to see tears slowly trickling down her cheeks.

"Are you okay sweetheart?" Kevin asked softly as he looked at the tears swirling down her cheeks. She sniffled as she looked back to them.

"I'm fine..." Nastasia answered.

"You want to still go out?" Nick asked.

"Yes. Give me two seconds okay?"

"All right babe." Kevin answered as Nastasia slipped back up the stairs.

She rushed herself quickly as she picked out her clothing, wiping the tears away. She forced the ugly thoughts from her mind as she brushed her long blonde hair and threw on her high-heeled sandles.

"There's my babe." Nick laughed as Nastasia ran back down the steps. She looked dazzeling, she chose a black miniskirt, reaching the middle of her thigh. A light blue tube top with a butterfly etched in rhinestones clinging to her chest tightly. Her long blonde hair shimmering.

"Here I am."

"Ready to go?" Kevin asked as Nastasia forced a smile on her lips again.

"Yep, let's go." She smiled, going out the door with them. Forcing her bad thoughts away. Her father was gone, she moved in with AJ and left him years ago. No more bad thoughts, he was gone. And smiles were here to stay.

Chapter 24:

" You want anything to drink Howie? " Lauren asked as she stood up from her place on the couch. She watched Howie with worry as he sat there in a trance, his soft brown eyes softer than usually, and he looked extremely upset. He had been that way the whole evening since he had gotten to her and A.J's house. The bad thing was, she knew it had to do with Nastasia and that worried her. " Howie, is everything ok? "

A.J and Brian looked up from the game on tv, waiting for Howie to answer. They had both noticed how quiet he had been.

" Oh, yeah...everything's fine, " Howie lied as he offered her a fake smile.

" Ok. I'm going to the kitchen, do you want me to get you something to drink? "

" No, that's ok. Thanks anyways. "

" Alright... " Lauren watched as Howie rested his head against his hand and let out a sigh. She bit her bottom lip. " Howie, could I speak to you for a minute? "

Howie looked up at her questioningly. " Sure, " he replied quietly as he followed her into the kitchen, his mind swirling with thoughts. He took a seat at the kitchen table as he watched Lauren go over to the fridge.

" So, what's wrong? " Lauren asked after she had retrieved herself a coke and leaned against the counter. " Well? "

" Nothing's wrong, " Howie lied.

" I'm not gonna fall for that. I know your lying, so tell me what's wrong? "

" Why do you think something's wrong? "

" For one thing, you've been really quiet this evening and also, I saw how Staz was acting towards you earlier today. " She watched Howie wince when she mentioned Nastasia. " So, what's wrong? "

Howie sighed as he stared at the ground. " She's mad, " he replied.

" At you? "

" Yeah... "

" Why? "

Howie made up his mind to bring the scars up to Lauren. Maybe she would know something about them, afterall, she had been best friends with Nastasia ever since they were little.

" Lauren, how did...how did Stazzie get those scars? "

Lauren's breath caught in her throat as she nearly dropped her soda. Her heart pounded as Howie's question rung in her ear. She was shocked that he was asking her, but obviously Nastasia hadn't told him. She didn't feel she had the right to be telling Howie about it, especially if Nastasia still hadn't told him. She didn't answer.

" You know how she got them, don't you? "

Lauren nodded slowly. " Yeah, I do... " She cringed at the thought.

" I've asked her about them, many times. But she lies to me about it. I know she does. I'm just worried about her. Then when I question her about them, she gets angry. I don't understand why. "

" Howie, it's hard for her to talk about... "

" Why? She should be able to tell me! Damnit, I'm her husband! "

" Yeah I know, but - "

" Why don't you tell me, since she won't and you know about it. "

" But - "

" Please? "

Lauren looked away for a second. She could feel his brown eyes pleading with her, she could tell he was desperate. " Ok, " she whispered, not knowing wether she was going to regret telling him or not. But just as she was about to answer, a giggling cry called out to her from the living-room. ' Saved by my son ' she thought as she walked out of the kitchen. In a way, happy that she had gotten out of having to tell Howie, but she knew it hurt him even more.

*****

Nastasia was having a blast out on the dance floor. Nick stood off to the side as he watched Kevin take his turn dancing with Nastasia. Much of the crowd watched on in amazement as the two did their moves, many of the guys constantly eyeing Nastasia up and down.

" Do you want to take a break? " Kevin asked.

" WHAT? " Nastasia replied, straining her ears to hear him clearly above the music.

" I ASKED IF YOU WANTED TO TAKE A BREAK? "

" YEAH. "

Kevin took hold of Nastasia's hand and led her back over to the table Nick was sitting at.

" I'm going up to the bar. Y'all want something? " Nick asked as he stood up.

" Yeah, I'll take a tequila sunrise, " Nastasia replied.

" Could you get me a Coors? " Kevin asked.

" Sure thing, " Nick answered and walked off.

A moment's silence was shared between Kevin and Nastasia. Her ocean eyes weren't sparkling like they usually did, and Kevin could tell that something was wrong, but Nastasia hadn't said anything about it. Even though he hadn't said anything, he had become worried earlier, when he had seen her crying.

" Sweetie, are you alright? You're awfully quiet... "

" Oh, I'm just fine, " Nastasia replied, placing a smile on her face as Kevin raised a questioning eyebrow at her.

" Are you sure? "

" Yes. "

" Was something wrong earlier? Back at your house, when you were crying? "

Nastasia laughed sheepishly, knowing she couldn't tell him the real reason why she had been crying. He wouldn't understand anyways. "It was something stupid, nothing to worry about. "

" You know if you need to talk, I'm here to listen. "

" I'll keep that in mind. "

*****

Nastasia waved back to Kevin as he pulled out of her driveway and drove off. It was early in the morning, nearing 2:30 was what the clock in the car had read before she climbed out. She walked up the porch steps and pulled her keys out of her purse, reaching for the door knob. Once inside, she fumbled around for the hall table to put her purse down, not wanting to turn on any lights.

" Where were you? "

Nastasia jumped back a foot, a squeak escaping her lips. The lights were turned on and she found an exhausted looking Howie standing there. " My god, you scare me... "

" Where were you? "

" I went out with Kev and Nick. You knew that. "

" Do you even know what time it is? "

" Yes I do. Why are you freaking out for? "

" Because it's 2:35 in the morning! "

" What's your point? "

" I've been waiting up all night for you, going crazy because you hadn't come home! "

" I told you I was gonna be home late! "

" You didn't tell me you planned on staying out until the butt crack of dawn! "

" Calm down. "

" No, damnit. I was worried sick, Stazzie. You didn't even call! "

" I shouldn't have to! You knew where I was and who I was with! "

" You could have had the desancy to call! "

" You need to chill out! "

" No I won't. What is your problem Stazzie?! "

" You want to know my problem? You're my problem! Just leave me alone! I don't want to talk to you right now! " Nastasia watched as Howie's expression turned into shock and she stormed up the stairs, going into their bedroom and slamming the door, locking it behind her.

Chapter 25:

Nastasia let out a loud scream as she slammed the door hard. Her heart pounding as a dark anger invaded her body. Something was terribly familiar to her. She let out a scream, she hated fighting. She hated it with a strong passion.

"God damnit! Can't he ever chill out! First he calls me a liar! Then he freaks out because I'm out dancing. Did I not tell him where I'd be!? Damn it! I hate men, I never should have gotten married in the first place! I knew it wouldn't work! God why do you have to do this to me?! Can't I just be happy?! HUH?!" Nastasia fumed as she kicked off her sandles and chucked them against the far wall, making a loud banging sound.

Cursing some more she managed to get herself into some silky pjs and a tank top. Finally cursing once more she looked to her vanity table. There sat some coverup cream, which she used to use for her scars. She laughed cruely as she stared at it.

"Thanks a lot daddy. You screwed up yet another part of my life!!! Can't you ever leave me alone either?!" She yelled as she picked up the cream and chucked it against the wall, screaming again.

As she cursed once more she heard a startled cry. She jumped suddenly. Nastasia glanced at the large bed to find her daughter sitting straight up in the bed. Her hair a mess of tangled blonde curls. Her face scrunched up in fear as her green eyes turned a dark color.

Howie had put Alexandria in their bed when he finally had her asleep. She had been extremely fussy that her mother wasn't home. She had a tight bond with her mother, which upset Howie worse.

"Mama..." Alexandria whimpered as tears streamed down her angelic face. Nastasia felt her anger melt as she stared at her daughter bawling in bed.

Nastasia would jump a million miles just to make Alexandria feel better. Within a second she was in the bed, cuddling Alexandria tightly. She smoothed out the silkly blonde curls as she kissed Alexandria's head.

"Don't cry baby. Mommy's here. Mommy's sorry too. She didn't mean to wake you. I'm sorry baby... Mommy just can't handle these things right now. Stop baby, please..." Nastasia cooed frantically as Alexandria began to wail harder.

"Please sweetheart. My baby, Mommy's here. Shhhh... She's here..." Nastasia replied as her heart ached worse. Her mother never did this, even after the fights with her father. The ones where she was left bruised and battered, her mother would turn the other way. Leaving Nastasia running for AJ and Lauren.

"Mama..." Alexandria whimpered again as her cries became less severe. Nastasia felt a cough rattle her bones as she hugged Alexandria tighter. She felt the tears start to fall down her cheeks as she cuddled the only person in the world who she thought really loved her.

*****

Howie winced as he heard the door slam. His head pounded as he felt it shatter to a million pieces. He had just screwed up again with Nastasia. Couldn't he ever get it right? Anger was boiling inside him, for both himself and Nastasia.

"What if she had gotten killed?! Damnit! And I'm supposed to just chill the hell out?!" Howie cursed as he looked to a picture on the wall. It was one of him and Nastasia at the beach. She was on his shoulders laughing as the sea breezes swirled around them.

Howie laughed cruely as he punched the picture on the wall, slamming it as hard as he could. He yelped as the glass shattered around his hand. He winced and cried out in pain as he brought his hand back. Cuts trickling with blood were a result. He didn't care though.

"God damnit! Stazzie! I love you!!!" He bellowed loudly at the top of his lungs. The only reply he recieved was a loud slam. His heart began to ache as he looked around, grabbing the closest thing to him. Keys.

"Fuck this!" Howie finally hissed loudly, he wasn't going to be somewhere where he wasn't loved. His hand started to pound with pain as he walked out the door, slamming it harder than he thought he could.

As Howie jumped into his car he slammed his bad hand onto the steering wheel. He screamed out in pain, but not from his aching hand. But from saddness. "I do love you Staz...why can't you see it?"

Tears started to trickle down his cheeks as he peeled out of their driveway. Driving crazily into the night, not caring what really happened. All he knew was that the love of his life probably didn't love him anymore.

****

Nastasia stirred restlessly that morning. She opened her eyes slowly to find a little Alexandria staring back at her mother intently.

"Hey babydoll." Nastasia answered softly as she placed a kiss on Alexandria's tiny forehead. She giggled as Nastasia looked over farther, no Howie.

Her mind whirled back to last night. The fighting words. The screaming and throwing. Then her mind whirled, where did Howie go? She felt her heart ice with panic and fear. Something wasn't right about this.

"Come on baby, we need to find daddy..." Nastasia replied as she scooped Alexandria into her arms. Alexandria laughed as Nastasia quickly unlocked the door.

Nastasia ran to each upstairs room, checking all of them. She let her voice ring throughout the house. No one answered. Her heart began to beat frantically as she ran back down the steps.

No Howie.

"HOWIE! PLEASE! COME OUT NOW! I'M SORRY!" Nastasia replied as she ran out to the living room. There she found the picture of them lying on the floor, blood staining some of the pieces of glass surrounding the picture.

Broken.

"Oh God, no!" Nastasia shivered as her mind raced back. The days when AJ had just found out about Chase. He and Amanda fighting, the break up. Her finding AJ in the bathroom, overdosed on painpills.

"Not Howie...No!" Nastasia yelped as she began to cry. Loud sobs racking her body as she clutched onto Alexandria tightly, who was becoming scared from her mother's actions. "Please Howie, don't... Not my Howie... I do love...you... Please God, no..."

********

"Chase and Alexander!" Lauren yelled loudly through the house. She was playing hide and seek with her family. Chase had found her under the bed so it was her turn to find them.

"Come out! Come out! Where ever you are!" Lauren sang loudly as she peeked into the bathroom. She peered around the corner then walked in.

Their main bathroom was large, which connected into Lauren and AJ's bedroom. It was a roman appearance, which Lauren fell in love with. Filled with mirrors and doors.

"Come on Alex!" Lauren called as she turned away from the shower, which was a mistake. Before she had a chance to turn around AJ had grabbed her.

"I GOT YOU!" AJ sang loudly as Lauren screamed loudly. AJ laughed as he began to put a trail of kisses on Lauren's neck. She invited the touch, laughing.

"Wasn't I supposed to find you?"

"Nope, your too fine...I couldn't resist."

"You're sooo bad!" Lauren laughed as AJ continued to kiss her neck.

As they continued to kiss she heard the doorbell chime. She knew Chase would grab it so she let AJ continue kissing her neck. As soon as the door swung open she heard Chase's cry of Aunt Stazzie's name. Then something in his voice scared her.

"What's the matter Stazzie?!" Lauren yelped as she and AJ ran down the steps as fast as they could. Something in Nastasia's voice scared her worse, then when she saw Nastasia she felt her heart stab with fear.

Nastasia looked terrible. Black half-circles hung under her beautiful eyes. Her usually perfect blonde hair wild. Her eyes frantic and bloodshot. Her clothing was ones she wore to bed. Nastasia kept sobbing as she held Alexandria in her arms.

"What's the matter Staz?" AJ asked, panic rising in his voice as Chase climbed into AJ's arms. He was frightened also.

"Howie...big fight...I love him Laurie, I do." Nastasia answered in broken sentences as sobs caught in her throat.

"Come on Stazzie, you're not making any sense." AJ sighed.

"Come here sweetie, what's the matter?!" Lauren cooed, taking Alexandria and Nastasia both into her arms. Cradling her like she used to after the fights with her father.

"Howie punched this picture of us...there was blood on it...then...he's been gone...since...late...his car...I don't know where he is Lauren! I'm scared...I'm so scared..." Nastasia sobbed, catching Lauren and AJ both off-guard.

Chapter 26:

A.J rushed over to Nastasia and wrapped his arms around her frail body. She shook within his embrace. " Shhh, Stazzie, shhh. Calm down sweetie, " he said as he kissed her forehead and hugged her tightly.

" I...I...don't know...where he is JJ...god, what if...he's...where is he?! Damnit... " Nastasia sobbed louder as she began to collapse in A.J's arm.

A.J felt a sickening feeling grow in his stomach as he helped Nastasia over to the couch. " Sweetie, calm down and tell me what happened. "

Alexandria began to cry in Lauren's arms as she became frightened by her mother's emotions. Lauren tried rocking her in her arms for comfort, but that only caused louder wails.

" I...I...he got...we got in...fight...god damnit... " Nastasia sobbed in broken fragements, still not able to control her sobs to speaking point.

A.J looked up at Lauren worridly who held the same worried expression on her face.

" JJ, I...I don't know where he is. I'm scared...I don't...I don't know where he is... "

" Shhh, everything's going to be ok. I'm sure he's just out somewhere to cool off. "

" Something isn't right! I just know it JJ! He smashed a picture of us in the hall. There was blood on the broken glass. Oh god let him be ok, " Nastasia cried as she buried her face into A.J's chest. " I can't lose him JJ, I can't lose him! Not now! "

A.J stood up from the couch suddenly and grabbed his car keys and cell phone off the living-room desk. " I'm gonna go look for him, " he said and bent down in front of Nastasia. " Sweetie, calm down. I'm sure he's alright. I'm gonna find him. Please calm down. " With that he ran out the door, slamming it behind him, having no idea where his friend could possibly be.

*****

" Do Mommy a favor Chase and take Lexie into the game room and keep her entertained while I talk to Aunt Stazzie, " Lauren instructed as she handed Alexandria over to Chase, who was standing with a frightened look as he watched his aunt sob.

" Ok, " Chase replied quietly as he held onto Alexandria tightly, then walked out of the living-room.

Lauren plopped down beside Nastasia and pulled her into a tight hug." What happened Staz? "

Once Nastasia had calmed down a bit, she took in a deep breath and began to talk. " I went out to that club with Kevin and Nick last night. I told Howie I would be home late. Well, I got home at 2:30 in the morning and Howie wasn't very happy. I guess I don't blame him now, but he overreacted and we got into a huge fight. I told him I didn't want to talk to him right then and to leave me alone. I was just angry Laurie. I didn't think of what I was saying, I didn't. God, he just totally freaked. He wasn't there when I woke up. I didn't know what else to do but to come here, I'm just so worried Laurie... "

" Stazzie, it's ok. I'm sure everything is fine. Howie isn't the one to do something drastic. I'm sure he is alright, " Lauren replied, trying to comfort her best friend.

" There was freaking blood on the broken glass. That just isn't right! "

" Stazzie, he's gonna be ok. Alex is gonna find him. "

" But what if he doesn't? "

" Think logically Staz! Him and Howie are best friends. He's known Howie long enough to know how he thinks. He'll find him. "

" Just...please...god, let him be ok. I love him too much to lose him... "

*****

A.J peeled the car out of the driveway and sped off down the road, his mind going in all different directions. He had no idea where to start looking. He turned on his cell phone and dialed Kevin's number, but was dismayed to get the answering machine. He then dialed Brian's number, praying to God that Brian would pick up.

" Hello? " came a grumpy answer on the other end.

" 'Rok! It's J! "

" Um, hey...wassup? "

" Have you seen Howie? "

" No, why would I have seen Howie? "

" Shit, " A.J swore as he pulled up to a stop sign and then sped off again. " Him and Stazzie got into a major fight last night and he totally freaked and left. Where's Kev? "

" At home I'm guessing. "

" He didn't answer his phone. "

" Probably because he's sleeping and he doesn't want to be bothered. "

" Alright, I'll call ya later. Bye, " A.J said quickly and hung up before Brian could say another word. He threw his cell phone to the passanger seat with worry and continued on his driving search, hoping that he would find Howie. Because all of a sudden he felt something wasn't right.

Chapter 27:

AJ found himself on a bumpy road, which seemed not to be used that often. He glanced out his window to see a car, one that jolted his memory. AJ quickly slammed on the breaks as he looked; Howie's car.

"Howie?!" AJ yelled as he jumped out of his car almost before he stopped it. He ran and slid down into a ditch where Howie's car had landed. He prayed to God Howie wasn't hurt, or something terribly worse.

"Howie?!" AJ yelled again. He reached the car in a split second and almost jumped in through the broken window. "HOWIE!"

"J? Is that you?" Howie mumbled, his voice clogged. AJ winced as his friend faced him. Blood was gushing from his temple. AJ then looked down to see blood trickling down his hand.

"Howie, what the hell happened?!" AJ almost yelled as he looked at the car, assessing the damage. He didn't think it looked too bad, hopefully Howie could get out.

"I got...mad...ran ditch...tried to hit a tree..." Howie mumbled, his eyes slowly shutting. AJ moaned, he knew Howie had a concussion. And all the blood wasn't pretty.

"You're a freakin' idiot you know that? Stazzie is worried as hell!" AJ answered as he pulled on the door as fast as he could. He heard the shattering of the glass and pulled harder, finally jamming the door open.

"Staz don't love me..." Howie mumbled, catching AJ off guard.

"D! You have to listen to me! You have to stay awake, bud! Can you walk?" AJ yelled, trying to keep Howie focused on him. Falling asleep would be dangerous. Fatal.

"Fine." Howie mumbled as AJ slid his arms around him. Carefully he pulled Howie from the wreckage he used to call a car. AJ escorted him to his car and eased Howie into it. He knew Nastasia was going to fly off the handle this time.

*****

Nastasia sat on the living room couch for most of the hour. Tears still pouring out of her eyes. Lauren sighed softly, she knew Nastasia was hurting badly. And the thought of Howie hurting himself over her tore at Nastasia like a knife.

"Staz, you want something to eat?" Lauren called softly as Nastasia wrapped herself into a tighter ball. Alexandria was fussy also, absorbing the mood her mother was in. Lauren knew that Nastasia acting like this was tearing little Alexandria to pieces too.

"No..." Nastasia sniffled.

"But babe, if you don't-" Lauren was about to lecture, but the phone rang. Nastasia jumped, startled by the loud sound. Lauren chuckled a bit as she reached the phone. "Hello?"

"Lauren Baby?" A voice called, crackling a bit. Lauren's heart jumped. She knew it was AJ. She prayed that he had found Howie, in one piece.

"Hey Alex!" Lauren called, perking Nastasia's interests. She quickly jumped and leaned over the couch, yearning to be the one on the phone.

"Look, you can't panic...no matter what I say...promise?" AJ started out shakily, scaring Lauren.

"But-"

"Just promise Laur."

"Fine."

"Howie crashed his car."

"Oh my-"

"You promised!" AJ hissed, "He's at the hospital. I don't want you to freak, they're stitching him up. Now, I need you to bring Stazzie here... But-"

"Is he-"

"Just a little banged up. Okay? Don't freak Stazzie out. Lord knows she's been through enough today. Make sure you don't flip her out. Tell her Howie's fine, he just needs her...he thinks she doesn't love him..."

"HE WHAT?!" Lauren burst. Nastasia jumped from the sound of her voice, scared by the surprise in Lauren's voice. And the loudness. She was like a child, scared that the principal was going to call.

"Just get her down here. Don't flip her out, okay?"

"Fine." Lauren replied, "Love you."

"Love you."

Lauren walked back over to Nastasia. She looked up at her best friend with question. A thousand questions racing through her mind. Was Howie alive? Was he okay? Was he still mad? Was he awake?

"Where?" Nastasia whispered.

"We have to get Chase and Alexia around. You can borrow some of my clothes, hopefully you and your big chest don't stretch out my tanks." Lauren answered, trying to make her voice a bit lighter and cheerier.

"Where is he Lauren?"

"Staz, don't panic."

"Lauren! Where is my husband?" Nastasia repeated, her voice growing more frantic.

"He crashed his car. He's at the hospital."

******

Nastasia found herself running into the hospital with lightening pace. Once she reached the ER she found AJ waiting in a hard plastic chair. Her heart ached as tears still trickled down her cheeks.

"JJ!" She called. AJ jumped up just in time to find Nastasia in his arms. He hugged her tightly as sobs rattled her body again. He stroked her long blonde hair and tried to quiet her.

"He's okay Stazzie...Shhh...." AJ soothed as Lauren walked in with Alexandria in her arms - wailing, and Chase walking beside her. Deathly quiet.

"What'd he do?" Nastasia answered as she sniffled harder. AJ still wrapped his arms around her, rubbing her back. Trying to calm her down, like when they were younger.

"He crashed his car Stazzie. He thought you didn't love him anymore. He was upset Stazzie. Really upset..." AJ answered as Nastasia tore herself away from AJ's grasp.

"I?"

"Staz, he has a severe concussion. He cut his head pretty good, they had to stitch it up. He lost a good amount of blood through his temple. Then his hand had some cuts and glass to get out and stitch up." AJ answered calmly.

"He thought I-"

"Stazzie, baby, he just needs you right now. Go in there and make sure he's okay. He needs you." Lauren called softly as Nastasia's eyes turned frantic. Alexandria began to sniffle as AJ picked her up and held her tightly.

"I just can't-"

"Staz, calm down." Lauren answered as Chase crawled into her lap.

"He thought I didn't love-"

"Just go Stazzie. We got Lex." AJ answered. Nastasia gave a nod as she wiped her tears away, afraid of what she might see in that room.

*****

Nastasia opened the hospital door quietly. Howie was sitting in one of the beds, an IV dripping into his left wrist. His right hand bandaged. Another heavy bandage covering above his left eye. He was a lot paler, and seemed to be depressed.

"Howie?" Nastasia called softly. Howie jumped at the voice, it scared him. He looked over to see his wife walking slowly into the room. Her presence seemed to stop everything else.

He watched carefully as she approached the bed. Her blonde hair was let loose, and seemed to be a lot wilder than when he last saw it. Her beautiful ocean green eyes dampened with tears and bloodshot. Her clothing looked to be carelessly thrown on. She was a mess, even though she looked gorgeous.

"Hey..." He called softly, his voice cracking. His heart pounded as Nastasia stood there. Not sure of what to say. He felt like his heart might break. All he wanted to do was bring her in his arms and say things would be okay. That he loved her. And just kiss her, kiss her like they always used to kiss.

"Howard Dwaine..." Nastasia sniffled as she looked at his injuries again.

"Wha-"

"I don't know whether I should kiss you or just smack the HELL out of you!" She answered as she glared at him.

Chapter 28:

Nastasia kept her gaze locked with Howie's gaze. He seemed to be surprised by her outburst, like he was when they fought. Nastasia had no clue what else to say to him. Her emotions were extremely mixed up.

Howie felt his heart shatter to pieces as he saw the tears start to rain down his wife's cheeks. Those tears were his fault, once again. "Stazzie..."

"You scared the hell out of me! Do you understand what I felt like inside? When I saw that....that....that stupid picture!" Nastasia burst as she tried to fight away the tears.

"Stazzie...I..." Howie mumbled as he looked at his bandaged right hand.

"You what? I'd like to know, I mean, trying to take your life. This ought to be a good one." Nastasia replied quickly. Her anger flaring out, he had scared her. She wanted to die when Lauren said she had to go to the hospital.

"I...damn..."

"Damn? What does that mean? I really want to know what's in your head right now. Because I want to get this over with, you have to know how much I hate fighting Howie."

"Why would you want to get this over with? You don't love me anymore, I don't see why you're really here..." Howie muttered, his voice trailing off at the end of the sentence.

"I don't wha-" Nastasia couldn't find the words to finish her sentence. Her heart stabbed with pain as she looked back to her husband. She loved him more than life itself. And those words were so familar... The words her mother used to use when Nastasia left the house to live with AJ and Denise. So many years ago, and it was still ringing.

"You don't love me anymore..." Howie whispered, looking away from Nastasia.

"Why wouldn't I love you? What, what gave you that idea Howie?" Nastasia answered, her tone becoming softer. Fear starting to ice her heart over.

"I...I don't know," Howie mumbled quietly. He realized she hadn't actually told him that she didn't love him.

"Do you see this?" Nastasia answered softly as she tapped her engagement ring and her wedding band. Both sparkling under the lighting.

"Yes..." Howie replied, not sure of where she was going.

"These are something you gave me to show me that you loved me, right?"

"Yes..."

"And I wear them to show you that I love you. I never ever told you that I didn't love you. I love you with all my heart. Okay?" Nastasia answered softly as she sat down on the bed. He looked at her for a moment, pondering the answers she had given.

"I'm..."

"Your?"

"I'm sorry..." Howie answered as tears trickled down his cheeks. Nastasia felt her heart shatter as he continued to cry openingly. Nastasia reached out to be comforted as she felt tears burn her eyes.

"I'm sorry too." Nastasia whimpered as Howie quickly wrapped his good arm around Nastasia, inhaling the sweet scent of vanilla and roses. He loved the smell of it, it made him feel wanted. He loved the feel of Nastasia in his arms. He couldn't believe he was going to give that all up.

"I never...I just thought... You were so mad Stazzie... I thought you hated my guts...that you never wanted to see me again. It hurt so bad. I didn't care about anything else because you didn't love me anymore." Howie answered, the words just flowing out of his mouth.

"Just because we fight doesn't mean I don't love you. Hell, I fight with JJ and Laurie all the time...but I still love them." Nastasia answered as she broke their hug to look at Howie.

"Then you still love me?" Howie whispered.

"I never stopped." Nastasia answered as she brought her lips to his, inviting the touch and warmness they brought. Something she had almost lost that day, which scared her more than she'd ever know.

****

"Ahem." A voice called, clearing their throat loudly. Nastasia broke the kiss to look up and see Lauren and AJ with Chase and Alexandria.

Alexandria looked to be having a fit of tears. Nastasia felt bad for leaving her out there. She immediatly got up and brought her child into her arms, hugging her tightly Inhaling the fresh baby scent that she loved so much. Alexandria quieted as she felt her mother's loving arms around her.

"Sorry JJ." Nastasia laughed as Howie looked to see Nastasia holding Alexandria. His heart iced over with pain, he could of killed himself. And he never would be able to see his wife cuddling his daughter like that. He wouldn't have been able to make love to his wife anymore, or see his daughter smile.

"How are you Uncle Howie?" Chase asked as he looked at his uncle in the hospital bed. He looked worse than it was. Lauren understood why Chase looked upset.

"I just have a bit of a headache." Howie answered as he smiled down at Chase.

"He has a hard head, what can we say?" Nastasia replied, making sure she was away from Howie. That way he couldn't smack her from the comment she made.

"You guys fighting anymore?" Lauren asked.

"No, I can't fight with someone who's injuried. It makes me feel bad."

"Shut up Stazzie!" AJ laughed. Nastasia shrugged as she walked back over to Howie. She leaned in and let Alexandria give her daddy a kiss, then she took her place. Kissing him, passion drawing out of their kiss.

"Guess they aren't mad anymore." Lauren teased.

"So, what's happening with you D?" AJ asked as Nastasia broke the kiss. Happy to have Howie alive and well.

"I guess I can be discharged anytime." Howie answered, his head and hand pounding with pain. But he didn't think about it too much, it was a small price to pay to keep his life. And he knew Nastasia would make it feel better.

"Are you going to practice?" Lauren asked.

"No, he's not allowed." Nastasia answered quickly.

"Why?" AJ asked.

"His concussion is seriously bad. He's going home to rest. It's time for Howie and Stazzie time. We need it... Plus he's not allowed to sleep-" Nastasia answered grinning lightly, making the rest laugh. Somehow, Howie knew things would get better.

Chapter 29:

" Remember, just call me if you need anything, " Lauren called as she walked back to her car. " I'll be at the guys' practice, and JJ and I will stop by afterwards. Bring the little rugrat home to ya. "

" Sure thing. Thanks Laurie, " Nastasia replied as Howie stumbled through the front door. She watched Lauren drive off then followed Howie into the house.

Howie stood frozen in front hallway, his brown eyes glued to the broken picture frame that lay strewn on the floor, some of the glass stained with blood, his blood. He felt his stomach twist and he closed his eyes. His mind traveling back to when he had smashed his hand into the glass and it began to throb.

Nastasia saw Howie standing there and she frowned sadly, knowing what he was thinking about. He was throwing all the guilt of their fight they had upon himself and he didn't need that. She knew he felt truely horrible about it and she did too.

" Baby, what's wrong? " she asked as she walked up to him slowly and put a hand on his arm.

" I'm an idiot, " Howie answered quietly, not able to look at his wife.

" No, you're not, " Nastasia said, turning him around to face her. She saw the tears glistening in his eyes. " Listen to me. You might have done something completely stupid, but I will not be the one to hold it against you. You are not an idiot. "

" God Stazzie...I am so sorry, " Howie sobbed as she wrapped his arms around him. He wrapped his good arm around her tightly, promising himself he would never let go.

Nastasia fought back her tears as she hugged him. " I'm sorry too, " she whispered and kissed his cheek. " C'mon, you should sit down and rest. "

Howie leaned some of his weight against her as she led him into the living-room and sat down. He still looked to be depressed.

" Do you want anything to drink? "

" Water, but I can get it, " Howie replied as he went to stand back up.

Nastasia stopped him with a gentle hand. " Not, sit back down. You need to rest, I'll get it. SIT. "

Howie chuckled a bit and sat back down. " Yes ma'am. "

*****

" DADDY! " Chase squealed as Lauren, Alexandria and him walked into the practice hall. He ran down the aisle of seats and stopped at the base of the stage.

Everyone up on stage seemed to be taking a break. A.J jumped down from the stage and catapulted his son onto his shoulders. Chase giggled in delight.

" Hey baby, " A.J greeted as he walked over to Lauren and offered her a passionate kiss on the lips. He smiled down at Alexandria and gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

" Hey Laurie, " Brian called from up on stage. Everyone jumped down and gathered around her.

" Hey Bri Bear, " Lauren smiled.

" How's Howie? " Kevin asked, everyone looked on with worried faces. It was obvious A.J had told all of them what had happened.

" He's fine now, I guess, " Lauren answered. " Stazzie's at home pampering him to death, so I'm sure he feels like he's in heaven. "

" He's lucky he didn't get killed, " Kevin grumbled. Everyone could tell he was a bit dissappointed with Howie's actions.

" Damn lucky, " Brian commented.

" If you guys were smart, I wouldn't bring it up to him. I think he's feeling shitty enough about it as it is, " A.J stated.

" I hate to break up the social group guys, but we need to get back to rehearsing, " Fatima said as she walked onto the stage.

" Have you decided the dancing partners yet? " Nick piped up, a hopeful look on his face.

" Yes, but you find out tomorrow at rehearsal. I feel Nastasia would like to be here when it's announced who she's going to be dancing with this tour. "

Nick pouted a bit as everyone climbed on stage. They all laughed at him.

" See you in a bit babe, " A.J called.

Chapter 30:

Nastasia had cleaned up the glass quickly after Howie was resting on the couch. He lazily flicked through some TV stations as Nastasia placed the picture on the counter in the kitchen. That had been one of her favorite pictures.

"Howie, you okay in there babe?!" Nastasia called after she came running into the living room again. She saw that he had propped himself up comfortably. She rolled her eyes, a pillow under his legs and head. His bandaged hand resting neatly on his stomach with a bag of ice on it.

"I'm...nice..." Howie murmured as he closed his eyes for a moment. Nastasia rolled her eyes again. The medicine that the doctor had given him for his concussion made him tired. And the doctor said it was all right for him to rest.

"That's great. I'm cleaning my butt off and you get to sleep." Nastasia sighed as she threw her hair into a messy bun, that still reached down the back of her neck.

"Sorry." Howie whispered.

"It's all right. Just sleep. You need it."

"Kiss?" Howie asked as he opened his eyes for a moment. Nastasia could tell he was ready for a nap. She smiled as she bent down and placed a sweet kiss on his lips.

"I love you." She whispered as he drifted off. As soon as his eyes were closed Nastasia ran out of the living room. She quickly set a cup of water next to him and left. Walking out back she walked into her dancing studio.

Howie had built it as soon as Nastasia had moved in. His music studio connected to it. Both looked out along their tropical swimming pool. Which he designed for Nastasia himself.

Nastasia walked into the room and turned on the music. She hated missing practice. But she had to make sure Howie was okay. And while he was sleeping she figured she might as well practice. Quickly she warmed up, then put on Shining Star. Practing the rhythms she thought she needed to master.

As she continued to practice she heard a door open. Ignoring the sound she continued to work, pounded out what she needed. Mesmerizing herself into the music.

"Should we bother her?" AJ whispered as he held Alexandria in his arms. She fussed wildly as soon as she saw her mother. Everyone at practice had missed Nastasia, but enjoyed having her twin there.

"Before or after she smacks you?" Lauren laughed.

"Too late." Nastasia groaned as she switched off the music. She looked at her friends and smiled. Sweat was dripping from her body, she grabbed a towel and patted herself down. Looking completely fantasic in a pair of warmups and a sports bra.

"Sorry. How's Howie?" AJ asked as Alexandria jumped into her mother's arms. Nastasia laughed as she kissed her child, inviting the warmness Alexandria brought to her heart.

"Sleeping." Nastasia replied.

"You miss practice that badly?" Lauren asked.

"I have to practice, I can't screw up on tour. Kevvy will kill me!"

"True, everyone missed you at practice." AJ smiled.

"Thanks." Nastasia answered.

"You'll find out who you're dancing with at practice tomorrow Staz." Lauren interjected.

"REALLY?!" Nastasia answered, her ocean eyes sparking.

"Yes, jezz!" Lauren answered, laughing at her friend's perky personality.

*****

Later that night Howie and Nastasia were cuddling closely under their large blanket. Howie loved having his wife in his arms as Alexandria crawled around their bed. He was happy not to have gone through with his plans. Every minute he thanked God for that.

"Come here Lexie!" Nastasia cooed as she watched their daughter giggle. She titled her head, letting the blonde curls spill. Then she crawled faster up to her parents.

She stopped halfway, deciding which parent to crawl too. Nastasia looked at Howie and frowned. "Do not go to Daddy. Alexandria Laurel, if you know what's good-"

But it was too late. Alexandria was already crawling towards her father. "Brat." Nastasia laughed.

"There's my doll!" Howie smiled as she sat on Howie's stomach. Both parents were laying down.

"Dada?" Alexandria called as she eyed her father warily. She reached out with her tiny hand and touched the bandage on his head. He winced, it was still tender.

"Don't Lex!" Nastasia cried as she sat up and grabbed her daughter. Startling her as she looked lost. Nastasia kissed her daughter's hair as Howie sat back up. "Lexie, Daddy has a boo-boo."

"Dada?" Alexandria called out.

"Yes a BAD boo-boo." Nastasia laughed as she tickled her daughter's tummy. Alexandria squealed letting loose a ring of tiny giggles. Something that felt good to Howie's ears. He thanked God again.

"Kiss Daddy's boo-boo better Alexia." Nastasia called out as she leaned Alexandria into her father. She puckered her small lips and pressed them to her father's nose. Nastasia laughed as she drew Alexandria away. "I don't think that was Daddy's boo-boo."

"No, it was here. But Mommy has to kiss it better." Howie answered pointing to his lips. Nastasia rolled her eyes as she faced her husband.

"That was a bad line." She teased.

"Kiss me anyway." Howie shrugged.

"Deal." Nastasia laughed, pressing her lips to his.

****

The next day they decided practice would be early. Since the following day would be one of their last practices this week. Then they'd have to pack for the tour next week.

"Man, I'm hyped!" Nastasia grinned as she stretched out by Lauren. Lauren was being the faithful wife watching the children at practice. Nastasia was extremely grateful for it too.

"At least you get to dance. I look like someone with two left feet." Lauren laughed.

"Hey, I like those two left feet!" AJ sung as he leaned in and kissed her softly. Brian and Nick were currently arguing on who thought they'd get Nastasia to dance with. Howie was talking quietly with Kevin.

"Hey! Me too!" Nastasia laughed as she kissed Lauren's cheek playfully.

"Ohmigosh, Howie's turned her into a-" Nick gasped.

"You finish that sentence and I swear I will make this tour a living Hell for you Carter." Howie hissed, overhearing the conversation and becoming protective of Nastasia.

"Same goes for me." Kevin answered hopping off the stage and giving Nastasia a hug.

"Sorry." Nick pouted.

"Plus Nicky, if I was a lesbian, why would I want to dance with you?" Nastasia asked as she pressed her body against Nick. His hormones kicking in overdrive as she tugged on the collor of his shirt.

"Okay Staz! Enough playtime!" AJ laughed, pulling her away as Fatima came into the room.

"Staz!" Howie laughed, his hand was still bandaged and above his eyes. She thought he was doing a lot better since yesterday. He was a bit happier. So, she hoped he'd be okay.

"You're the love of my life, stop worrying." Nastasia grinned as she placed her lips to his. Howie enjoyed the sweetness of her lips until Fatima clear her throat.

"Nastasia, want to know who you're dancing with?" Fatima asked. Nastasia stood to attention and nodded. Her heart pounding, she was dying to know.

"It's me right Fatima?!" Nick called out suddenly.

"No! Me!" Brian whined.

"Wait! But I'm married to her!" Howie blurted.

"I'M HER BEST FRIEND!" AJ called, jumping into it. Kevin rolled his eyes, laughing at all of his friends.

"Please Fatima! Me?!" Nick begged.

"Sorry, it's Kevin." Fatima answered.

Chapter 31:

Nick stood there, his mouth wide open as he stared at Fatima. She had to be kidding, right? He was sure he would get to dance with Nastasia. Then he burst out laughing. " Ha ha, you're funny Tima. But really, you chose me to dance with Stazzie, right? "

Fatima shook her head. " No, I'm sorry Nick, but I chose Kevin. "

" Are you kidding me?! "

" No, I'm not. "

" But that's not fair! " Nick whined, causing everyone to laugh at his level of immaturity.

" Sorry Nick, not everything in life is fair, " Fatima joked. " Congradulations Kevin. "

" Um, thanks, " Kevin replied, trying to hide the bright smile that was on his face.

" See Frack? I told you you wouldn't get to dance with her, " Brian laughed, rubbing it in his friend's face playfully.

" Neither did you, so shut up! " Nick hissed. " It's not fair! Why did KEVIN get chosen? I danced with her last tour, why can't I dance with her again THIS tour? "

Nastasia rolled her eyes as she walked over to Kevin and stood next to him. " It's the two left feet, Nicky my boy. I was never able to set them right. Now Kevvy here on the other hand... "

" It's not fair! "

" Quit your whining Carter! " A.J said and smacked Nick upside the head.

Nick frowned hurtfully and rubbed his head. " Damnit J! "

" Baby, " A.J laughed as they all took their spots again.

" Alright, " Fatima called. " Lets take it from the top people. " She turned on the music again and they all started dancing.

Everything was going great until jealously streaked across Nick's eyes as he watched Kevin dancing with Nastasia. He wanted to be the one dancing with her, not Kevin. He dropped his arms from his dancing partner and bolted over to Kevin and Nastasia, knocking Kevin away, causing him to fall down.

" NICK! " Nastasia yelped out in surprise as Kevin fell to the stage and Nick tried to start dancing with her. She shoved him backwards, glaring at him as she reached out a hand to help Kevin up.

" What the HELL is your problem Nick?! " Kevin shouted angrily, becoming annoyed of Nick's immaturity.

" I don't have a problem! " Nick shouted, glaring angrily back at Kevin.

" Then why the hell did you just do that for? " Nastasia demanded, becoming a bit angry herself.

" Because I felt like it, " Nick hissed in reply.

" You really need to GROW up, " Kevin said, shaking his head angrily. " Get back to your spot. "

" Why don't you make me? "

" Don't push my patience Nick, " Kevin hissed.

" Whatever, " Nick muttered as he walked back over to his partner, who was standing there looking confused.

*****

" Getting a little jealous in there, Nicky? " A.J joked after practice had finished and everyone was walking out.

" Bite me J, " Nick hissed, still padding himself down with a towel.

" Oooh, that hurt. Very mature Nicky, very mature. "

" Shut the hell up J! " Nick shouted as he stopped abruptly and turned around to face A.J.

" Why don't you make me! "

" It'd be too easy! "

" You'd miss and hit yourself, freak! "

" Screw you! "

" Sorry, I don't screw that way. "

" You're a real ass! "

" Whoa, y'all need to chill, " Lauren stated as she stepped between the two after seeing it wasn't going to turn into something good.

" Don't be mean to my daddy! You meany head! " Chase yelled and punched Nick as hard as he could in the stomach.

" Chase Alexander! " A.J shouted in surprise as Nick doubled over, clutching his stomach. Chase backed up with fright from his father's outburst. " Apologize to him, right NOW! "

" Sorry... " Chase apologized, his voice coming out tiny as he backed away from his father.

" Damn... " Nick choked as he stood back up, his face red as he took in deep breaths.

Just then, Howie, Nastasia and Kevin came running out after them. Howie seeing Nick's red face, chuckled a little.

" What's wrong with Nicky boy? "

" He was being a meany head, " Lauren laughed as she tickled her son.

" Geez, everybody just hates me so much, " Nick muttered.

Nastasia walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his neck. " So, does that mean I hate you too? "

Nick looked at her questioningly.

" You take everything to seriously. I swear it's from being blonde. " She dropped her arms and walked back over to Howie, teasing Nick.

" Hey! " Nick shouted.

" Sorry Nicky, couldn't resist. "

" Whatever, " Nick mumbled as he tried to lighten up. His stomach was sore in the spot where Chase had punched him. He was surprised at how much force the five year old had. Everyone said their goodbyes and left their seperate ways.

Chapter 32:

After dance practice Chase had managed to get AJ, Lauren, Nastasia, Howie, Alexandria, and Kevin to go to the park. AJ was impressed with the boy's talents in coning, although Lauren didn't seem to be impressed.

"I think he gets that from Stazzie." Lauren laughed as Nastasia ran to the swings with Chase. Her childish nature seemed to show proudly as she played with Chase. Howie laughed as he watched Nastasia push Chase on the swing.

"He does." AJ nodded as they walked over to the swings. Nastasia smiled as she sat down on one of the adult swings. Chase let out loud squeals as AJ pushed him. Alexandria clung to her mother as Kevin held onto the swing with his hands, gently swaying the two.

"I'm glad I get to work with you Staz." Kevin said softly as he bent down and gave her a brotherly kiss on the head. Howie laughed as Alexandria squealed.

"At least she gets a good dancing partner this tour." AJ laughed as Lauren sat down on the swing next to Nastasia's swing. Lauren laughed as Howie started to make faces at Alexandria.

"I liked dancing with Nick." Nastasia frowned.

"He's so immature though." Kevin sighed.

"Maybe it's because you guys are always raggin' on him." Nastasia answered, surprising Lauren. Howie stopped making faces as Alexandria and looked up at his wife.

"What? You say it's our fault that Nick is such a jerk?" Howie asked, a smirk growing on his face.

"I'm just saying you shouldn't tease Nicky so much. He has feelings too. I feel bad for him. I know I tease him too, but it has to be irritating." Nastasia replied softly, softening everyone's views for a moment.

"Good point Staz." Lauren smiled.

"Thanks, but I'm totally happy to be dancing with Kevin. He and I get along great. That and I know he won't drop me!" Nastasia answered as Howie picked up Alexandria from her mother's arms.

"Yeah, I'll try not to." Kevin laughed.

"Plus we can go clubbin' later." Nastasia answered, her ocean eyes sparking with mischief. Howie frowned as he held onto Alexandria.

"My wife is not going out on a date with one of my best friends." Howie answered, clearing his throat. Alexandria laughed as Howie balanced her carefully, making sure not to hurt his arm.

"Well, how come she can go out on a date with-" AJ was about to say, but a glare came from Lauren. He choked his words back and offered a smile. "I meant, how come she can go out with Brian, that fox!"

"Better." Lauren laughed as Nastasia made the universal "whipped" sign. AJ stuck his tongue out at Nastasia, who returned the gesture.

"You can go out with your dancer then Howie." Nastasia laughed, not really too jealous of Howie having his arms around another woman. Although, at first it made her a little upset.

"I don't want my dancer." Howie answered firmly, "I want the person I married."

"You mean Kevvy?" Nastasia asked, her voice getting light. As if she was having another blonde moment. Kevin laughed as he punched her gently on the shoulder.

"You weren't supposed to tell Stazzie! That was Kevin's and Howie's secret!" Lauren hissed.

"Wait, wait, wait. If you two are married, does that mean I get to be part of the fun?" Nastasia laughed, joking around as Howie's expression turned to a look of shock. Kevin laughed harder.

"Nastasia Anne! That is just sick! We have young impressionable minds around!" AJ frowned as he went to Lauren and moved her, then sat down, cradling her into his lap. Nastasia gave an innocent smile.

"You mean you?" Nastasia teased.

"Nastasia-"

"I was just wondering..." She smirked.

"Right..." Howie laughed.

"I am adorable." Nastasia answered as Chase jumped off the swing and took Alexandria to play. Nastasia kept her eyes locked on Chase, watching her daughter carefully.

"She is adorable." Kevin smiled, kissing her head once more.

"I think she's radient." Howie replied as he leaned towards her. She smiled as he pressed his lips lightly to hers, tasting the sweetness he had been missing.

"I can't wait for tour..." Nastasia answered after a few moments of kissing. Kevin nodded as AJ and Lauren began to kiss on the swing.

"You only have to wait a week or two." Kevin answered.

"You'll have to come over and practice with me Kevvy."

"Deal."

"Good!" Nastasia squealed as Howie laughed. She was adorable. Something about her presence just made him smile. He was charmed by her actions.

"Howie?" Nastasia called after a few moments.

"What baby?" Howie asked, kissing her again.

"Kevvy and I want to go-" Before Nastasia could finish Kevin had grabbed her by the waist. Her small amount of weight was no problem for Kevin. She squealed as Kevin started to run away with her.

Howie laughed, "Come back with my wife! Alexia! SAVE YOUR MOMMY! CHASE! GRAB UNCLE KEVIN!"

Chapter 33:

Chase jumped up from where he was playing in the park sand box with Alexandria and ran after his aunt and uncle Kevin. "I'm gonna get you uncle Kev!" he yelled with a giggle as he ran as fast as he could.

"Oh no! It's the little monster!" Kevin shouted as he let a playful scared look cross his face.

"Rarrrrr!" Chase growled, waving his hands in the air. Just when he was close enough, he lunged at Kevin, tackling him to the ground. "AHHH!"

"Get him Chase! He was trying to steal me away from your uncle Howie!" Nastasia giggled as Chase began to playfully punch Kevin.

"I was not! I swear I'm innocent!" Kevin cried with a laugh and gently threw Chase to the ground, attacking the child with tickles.

"And you worry about Chase being left with the boys?" Lauren giggled as she and AJ sat on the swing together. Watching carefully as Nastasia dove into the dogpile with Kevin and Chase.

"I never said I worried about him staying with Kevin." AJ answered after he watched Howie and Alexandria jump into the pile, careful to watch the baby and Howie's hand.

"Then what did you say Mr. Man?" Lauren laughed.

"I said I didn't like the idea of him left alone with Nick. Plus, I was watching out for Lil Lexie too." AJ pouted.

"You love her a lot don't you?" Lauren asked as she heard Nastasia squeal loudly as Kevin pinned her and Chase started to tickle her wildly. Howie laughing as he helped.

"I love her as much as I love her mother. I wouldn't be Uncle JJ if I didn't." AJ replied, watching his best friend interact with the boys. She was meant to have a good life, even though it had started out pretty crummy.

"True." Lauren whispered, sensing his thoughts through his eyes. Their love had blossomed so much over the years. Growing stronger with each day.

"I love you too." AJ answered, sensing the question lurking in Lauren's eyes. Lauren smiled warmly as she brought her lips to his, inviting the warm ocean of feelings washing over her body. Nothing could be more perfect.

*****

"DON'T KEVVY! I GIVE! I GIVE!" Nastasia squealed as Kevin pinned her tighter, letting the boys do their work as Alexandria watched. Wondering what her parents were up to.

"Say it Nastasia!" Kevin laughed.

"I AM KEVIN'S TOTAL LOVE SLAVE AND I COMMIT MY LIFE TO MAKING SURE HIS LUSTFUL DESIRES ARE FULFILLED!" Nastasia squealed again. Howie stopped for a moment as he looked at his wife. Question plaguing at his thoughts as Kevin and Chase let go of her.

"You what?" Kevin laughed.

"I'm your genie in a bottle baby! Gotta rub me the right way baby!" Nastasia sung with her melodic voice as she leaned up and kissed Kevin's cheek, then gave him a hard push. Sending him on his butt.

"HEY!" Kevin called as Nastasia was up like lightening. She grabbed Alexandria from the ground and started to run, knowing the guys were hot on her tail.

"Come on Lexie!" Nastasia squealed as she ran back to the swings, where Lauren and AJ were still kissing. "I hate to break up the party! But JJ! SAVE ME!"

"What?" AJ murmured, slowly breaking the kiss. He looked to see Nastasia behind him, then looked ahead to see three guys tearing up tracks to reach Nastasia. "Uncle JJ to the rescue!"

"THANKS JJ!" Nastasia squealed as AJ jumped up and with one leap sent all three boys to the ground. Wrestling them to the ground.

Nastasia and Lauren laughed as they watched the boys play. "Just think Staz...we get to see this all the time starting next week."

"As long as JJ saves me I'll be okay." Nastasia laughed, watching them again.

Chapter 34:

The tour was around the corner. Nastasia was on the verge of a nervous breakdown though. Her mind always hit a whirlwind of thoughts when a tour came, or something important.

She would first begin to break down her things she needed to do. Constantly reminding herself she must be perfect or fail at everything. She'd go over the routines daily, locking herself in the dance studio. Then she'd go through this whole thing of failure, which came from her father.

"Kevvy, can we work on Shining Star?" Nastasia begged as she took a long sip of her water. Her clothing was a baggy adidas shirt of Howie's tied into a knot above her belly button, then a pair of spandex adidas shorts. Her long hair tossed into a messy bun. She still looked gorgeous.

"Staz, I'm telling you. You have the dance down! Can we take a break? Babe, you wearing me out." Kevin laughed as he sat in one of the chairs.

"I'm just saying I don't think I got the choreography to the chorus down yet." Nastasia whined as Kevin threw a towel at her.

"How did Nick survive your dancing?"

"Carefully. He drank lots of fluids." Nastasia replied sarcastically. Nick was still acting a bit weird since Kevin was choosen to dance with Nastasia. She worried about him.

"Can't you pack or something? Do you have that all done sweetheart?" Kevin asked, worrying that Nastasia was pushing herself so hard. Espessially these past few days, he was worried she might pass out.

"I usually wear Howie's clothing anyway." Nastasia joked as she took another slug of water.

"I think he enjoys seeing you in his clothes too."

"I hope. He lets me often enough."

"Yeah!" Kevin laughed.

"So are you going to work on Shining Star with me?"

"No, I need a break babe."

"Then I'll work without you." Nastasia replied with a shrug, turning the music on quickly. Pushing her body to the maximum, more than it would allow.

****

Howie placed Alexandria down as he heard the door chime. A few seconds later Lauren, AJ, and Chase came into the house. He smiled as Alexandria cooed, Chase immediatly jumping to see his cousin. Those two were quite a pair.

"Hey D! How's the hand?" Lauren asked as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. All the guys were used to receiving kisses from both Nastasia and Lauren. Heck, they expected it.

"Stitched." Howie answered as he looked down. Nastasia insisted he keep it covered until they removed the stitches. Which would be next week.

"And the head?" AJ asked.

"Not used enough..." Howie laughed.

"Which one would that be?" AJ laughed back as Lauren rolled her eyes.

"Both!"

"Really? I thought Nastasia would be more fiesty-"

"Where is Nastasia?" Lauren interrupted, clearing her throat loudly so both boys would stop acting so foolish. She knew she'd have to get used to it though.

"Out dancing. The girl has completely locked herself up in that room. Look." Howie answered with a sigh as he pointed out to the studio. Where, sure enough, Nastasia was pushing herself to the limits dancing.

"How long has she been like that?" Lauren asked softly, seeing the breakdown coming a mile away. Her father sent her into these fits. She'd have reaccuring nightmares and sleepless nights. Then she'd cry, and cry, and cry.

Only because her father pushed her so much. If anything had the slightest imperfection she would be beaten. Many nights she would run to Lauren's house, badly brusied and beaten. AJ knew of these breakdowns too. They were the worst thing for Nastasia.

"A week or so." Howie answered, "She's worrying me. She woke up last night bawling. She told me to go back to sleep that it was nothing. And she keeps pushing herself to the limit dancing. Kevin's already told me that he thinks she's going to pass out."

"Damn, it's that bad?" Lauren sighed as AJ looked down for a moment, sadness casting in his eyes.

"What's that mean?" Howie asked.

"I'm gonna go talk to her." Lauren replied, leaving Howie's question unanswered. Making him more upset as he followed her with AJ.

Chapter 35:

Lauren walked out the back door and made her way to the dance studio, where she could hear the music blasting from inside. She pounded on the door and waited, but recieved no answer and pounded again. Seconds later, she heard the click of the door being unlocked and it finally opened.

Kevin appeared in the doorway, then stepped out. " Hey Lauren, " he said and offered her a hug.

" Hey yourself, " Lauren laughed and peaked her head inside. " Mind if I go inside and talk to Stazzie? "

" Go ahead, I've been taking a break anyways. Try to get her to take a break also. She's over-working herself and I'm afraid she might pass out if she doesn't stop and rest. "

" So am I, " Lauren mumbled as she stepped inside and shut the door behind herself. She stood there for a minute watching her friend with admiration as she did her graceful moves. Then she walked over to the stereo that was blasting the music and turned it off.

Nastasia turned around to find her friend standing behind her. She hadn't noticed her when she walked in. " Hey Laurie, " she greeted, out of breath. " Can you turn that back on? "

" No Staz, we need to talk. "

" Ok, I promise we will when I'm done. " Nastasia walked over to the stereo and turned it back on, the music blaring.

Lauren sighed as she watched her friend begin to dance again. " No, we're gonna talk now, " she said and hastily switched the stereo off again.

Nastasia turned around and glared at her friend. " When I'm done! " she replied, turning the music on.

" Damnit Stazzie, stop it! " Lauren hissed as she unplugged the stereo. She watched as her friend's eyes turned dark, making her wince.

" Stop what? "

" Stop what you're doing to yourself. Take a break! "

" I don't have time to take a break. "

" You have all the time in the world. "

" No, I don't. Tour starts in a week. If I don't know all the steps perfectly, it will ruin everything! "

Lauren's heart filled with sadness. She knew her friend was suffering, she saw it in her eyes. Nastasia plugged the stereo back in and got back into place, then began dancing as the music started up again.

" Stazzie, please take a break...give your body a rest, " Lauren pleaded, hating that her friend could be so stubborn, but she knew why; it was all because of Nastasia's father. Nastasia would get like this each year, around this time.

" I said I'm fine - I don't need to take a break, " Nastasia replied as she pushed herself harder with the dance moves. She stumbled on one of the turns and slumped to the floor, a sob escaping her lips.

" Staz! " Lauren dropped to her knees beside her now shaking friend.

" I just want everything to be perfect, " Nastasia cried, her eyes welling up with tears.

" Everything can't be perfect, especially if you try to achieve it this way. "

" Yes it can. I can make it perfect, I can make myself perfect... " Nastasia cried, pulling her knees up to her chest. " I can show him... "

This was one of things Lauren hated the most. Her friend having one of her break downs. And that was exactly what was happening. She would push herself so hard because her father would convince her when she was younger that she was nothing more than trash, that she would never succeed. To him she was nothing. And all Nastasia wanted to do was to prove him wrong, and she would push herself over the limits to succeed at that.

" Listen to me Stazzie, you don't need to show him anything. You already showed him you were better than what he thought when you made the decision to get out of that hell hole. You don't need to show him anything now. "

" I just want everything perfect. I don't want to let you guys down. "

" You won't be letting us down. There's no way you could let us down. You're already perfect. Hell Stazzie, I envy you girl. "

Nastasia let out a small laugh, even though she thought of herself far from perfect. " Whatever... "

" It's true. And I've got Alex, Howie, all the guys to back me up on that. "

" JJ and Howie would only say it to make me feel better. "

" That's not true. So don't say that. "

" I just don't want to screw anything up Laurie... "

" And you're not going to because I've got faith in you, and so does Alex and Howie. Everyone does, and don't you deny yourself that. "

" Serious? "

" Yes. "

There was a sudden pounding on the door followed by A.J's voice.

Lauren laughed. " Alex is having a shit fit, as I'm sure Howie is too. Should we let him in? "

" I don't know... " Nastasia grinned evilly.

" Don't make me knock this door down! " A.J called. The door shook as he ran against it. " Ouch... "

Lauren and Nastasia burst into giggles.

" Alex isn't as tough as he tells everyone he is, " Lauren laughed.

" Don't let the fans know, " Nastasia giggled.

" It'll break their poor hearts, " Lauren joked.

" Oh wouldn't it? "

Suddenly the door burst open and A.J ran in. He tripped and fell to the wood floor with a loud thud, making the two girls burst out laughing all over again.

" My god Alex... "

" Are you laughing at me? "

" Yes, I am! "

" Well then, I'm just gonna have to punish you, " A.J grinned and leaned over Lauren, pulling her into a long kiss.

" If this is punishment, then I should be punished more often, " Lauren laughed.

" Ok, that was really cheezy Laurie, " Nastasia giggled.

" I'm married to Alex, therefore I'm easily influenced. "

" What are you trying to say babe? That I'm really cheezy? " A.J asked.

" No, that you're really horny most of the time. "

" And that's a bad thing? "

" Not all the time, " Lauren grinned, recieving another long kiss.

" Would you like me to leave and shut the door on my way out? " Nastasia laughed.

" Nah, we'll stop, " Lauren giggled.

Chapter 36:

The week flew by faster than Nastasia had suspected. They were already piling things onto the bus before she even noticed. Her stomach knotted with thousands of twists as she sat on the roof of her jeep. Her good friend was there to see it got back to the house.

Her nervous breakdowns seemed to be less intense than before. Although at night she still woke up in cold sweats, the fears of her father coming back. Haunting her, the other day she could of swore she was looking directly at him when she went to the mall shopping for some new outfits. Though, she never shared her fears with her friends.

"Hey Staz, you ready?" She heard someone call as they picked her up. She squealed as she shook her head, seeing herself in Kevin's arms. She laughed, the guys were always picking her up, hugging her, and kissing her.

"Ready as I'll ever be." She called nervously. Their first stop was at Jacksonville Florida. Then they'd start moving upwards.

"Calm down!" AJ laughed as he came tearing around the corner. Lauren hot on his tail. She had just been sprayed with water by Chase, Brian, and AJ. She knew AJ was behind the prank.

"ALEXANDER JAMES MCLEAN YOU BETTER HOPE THAT I DON'T CATCH YOU! AND YOU BETTER HIDE FOR DEAR LIFE ON THAT TOUR BUS. BECAUSE IT'S GOING TO BE A SHAME WHEN YOU HAVE TO SAY YOUR WIFE BEAT THE HELL OUT OF YOU!" Lauren called, zooming past Nastasia and Kevin. She laughed as she watched Chase point out the bus to Alexandria.

"COME ON LAURIE! I WAS JUST PLAYING!" AJ yelped as Nick walked to Nastasia.

"PLAYING MY ASS! COME HERE NOW!!!!"

"Hey Stazzie." Nick called with a smile. Nastasia shot back one at him. He had been a little less intense since when he found out that he wasn't dancing with Nastasia. Something seemed to still be plaguing him though.

"Hey babe." She laughed as he kissed her cheek.

"Play me a game of Playstation 2 when we hit the road?"

"You know it. I love beating you!"

"Only when I let you!" Nick laughed as Brian came running back to him. Whispering something in Nick's ear, then the two were off. It was crazy right now.

"Where's How-"

"Don't finish that sentence." Howie whispered as he wrapped his arms around Nastasia's waist. He had sneeked up behind her. She smiled as she turned around, Kevin had left to jump into the water battle.

"Hey! I was looking around for you." Nastasia grinned as the people had just finished loading the tour bus. Howie smiled. He could't wait to get out on the road, he knew Nastasia would feel better once the first tour was over with. Hopefully she'd be more cuddly at night too.

"Well, I was right here. You know I never leave your side." Howie smiled as Nastasia laughed. Her ocean eyes twinkling a bit.

"Good. I never want you to."

"Good. Cuz I never will."

"Good, because I'm not finishing this sentence." Nastasia laughed as Howie brough his lips to hers. She giggled at the light touch, he was her lifesaver. Whether he realized that or not.

"LET'S GO! WE HAVE A TOUR TO PREPARE FOR!!!!" One of the tour managers yelled loudly. Nastasia groaned as Howie broke off their kiss. She loved his lips on hers.

"You know you'll get more of them. So, let's get Lexie and hop on the bus. Continuing what we started." Howie growled as he looped his arm around Nastasia's waist. She smiled, time for the tour to begin!

Chapter 37:

It was becoming pretty layed back on the tour bus. Everything had been hectic when they had first left, but after a while things had settled down. Lauren was giving A.J the silent treatment for getting her soaked earlier - basically to see how much she could get him to apologize. So far it was working.

Everyone was hanging out in the back of the bus, watching as Nastasia and Nick battled it out on Playstation 2. Howie had went to the bunk area to put Alexandria to bed and Chase was talking to Lauren up near the front of the bus.

" Damn Nick, I just can't beat you tonight, " Nastasia sighed as she set the controller down.

Nick's face held a triumphant expression. " I know, because I'm the best. "

" No, because I'm letting you win, " Nastasia mumbled with a grin.

" I heard that Nastasia Anne Dorough. Now I'm gonna have to get you! " Nick said and lunged at her, attacking her with monsterous tickles.

" JJ! KEVVY! HELP ME! " Nastasia screamed, her face turning red from her laughter.

" I'll save you, " A.J and Kevin in unison with heroic voices. They jumped up and pulled Nick off of Nastasia.

" You guys hold him, " Nastasia grinned. The guys did as they were told and she payed Nick back with his own attack.

" Ah shit, let me go! Ahhhhh! " Nick screamed, his voice coming out high pitched and squeaky.

Everyone laughed as A.J and Kevin let the red faced Nick go.

" My my Nicky, you scream like a girl, " Nastasia giggled, backing up a bit after she said it.

" That's right. You best be backing up after saying that, " Nick said as he stood up and took a seat on the couch.

*****

Lauren walked out of the bathroom and over to Chase who was sitting on one of the chairs waiting patiently. She held something behind her back. " Alright Chaz. Remember the plan? "

" Uh huh! " Chase exclaimed, nodding his head. " Tell Daddy you want to talk to him. "

" But you're not gonna tell him why Mommy wants to talk to him, right? "

" Nope. I no tell! "

" That's good. Now, go get your Daddy, " Lauren grinned, placing a large water balloon out of sight on the chair Chase had been sitting on.

*****

" Daddy! " Chase exclaimed as he ran into the back room. He went over to A.J and jumped on his lap.

" What's up Chaser? " A.J asked as he ruffled his son's hair.

" Mommy wants to talk to you! "

" What does Mommy want to talk to me about? "

" I can't tell you! "

" Oh really? " A.J laughed as he stood up with his son in his arms.

" Me no tell you! "

" Well then...I guess I'm just gonna have to go see what she wants. Chill back here with everyone til I get back. "

*****

" You wanted to talk to me? " A.J asked as he made his way up the aisle towards his wife.

" Yes I did. "

" About what? "

" Come here first. "

A.J walked up to her and placed his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. " Better? "

" Much better. "

" Now, what was it that you wanted to talk to me about? "

" About you getting me soaked earlier. "

" C'mon babe, you ain't mad at me about that still, are ya? It was all in good fun. "

" Yes Alex, I know that. Which means you won't get mad when I do this, " Lauren replied with a grin as she grabbed the water balloon unnoticed and popped it over A.J's head, backing up before getting soaked again.

A.J jumped back a foot, his shirt dripping with water. He glared at her, but his glare soon turned into a grin. He pulled his shirt off and threw it to the bus floor. " You're gonna get it babe, you better start running! "

" Oh really? Is that a threat? " Lauren laughed as she pushed past him.

" Yes it is! " A.J said as he went to grab her but she dodged and he stumbled to the ground. " Ok that's it. I've had enough. Here I come! "

" Bri Bear! HELP ME! " Lauren giggled as she began to run to the back room.

" Nobody can save you Laurie! They're all against you. They're on my side! " A.J laughed as he went after her.

Just as A.J reached the bunk area, Howie came walking out and A.J ran full force into him, both men colliding to the floor.

" SON OF A ***** " Howie yelled out in pain as the side of his head banged against a sharp edge of the wall.

" Man, are you ok D? " A.J exclaimed as he jumped to his feet and looked down to his friend.

" Fucking A, " Howie mumbled, holding his hand up to the side of his head as he struggled to stand up.

" What happened Howie? " Nastasia exclaimed as she came running out of the back room after hearing the crash. She ran over to her husband and pulled his hand away from his head. " You're bleeding, " she said, examining the spot where Howie's head had been injured from the car accident. He had just gotten the stitches out the day before, and against Nastasia's objection, he refused to keep a bandage over it, though his hand was still bandaged after the stitches were taken out.

Nastasia went and grabbed a wet towel out of the bathroom and rushed back over to Howie. " Here, hold this against it. " She turned to A.J. " Great going JJ. "

" Hey, it was an accident. Who knew he was gonna come out just as I was running by. Blame it on Lauren. She's the one who got me soaked. "

" Oh, well that explains why your shirtless. But you deserved it. "

" You better watch it Stazzie! "

" Oooh, I'm scared JJ. "

" You should be. "

" If you try anything, I'll have Kev beat your butt. "

" Oooh, I'm scared Stazzie. "

" And when Kev fails to save her, don't think you're gonna be able to get away with anything, cause I'LL kick your butt, " Howie laughed.

A.J just rolled his eyes, then continued walking towards the back of the bus as Howie and Nastasia engaged in one of their kissing matches, something A.J didn't really care about seeing unless it was him and Lauren doing the kissing.

Chapter 38:

After a few more hours on the tourbus the drivers stated they were pulling up to the hotel. It was a little after five, and Alexandria was extremely cranky. Nastasia was reaching the point of bitterness. And Chase was a wild little man. Lauren thought she'd die.

"Chase! Chill out!" AJ fumed as Chase began to bounce on the couches as the bus came to a stop. He groaned loudly as he tugged at some of his hair. Lauren laughed, he was definantly a site. He and Chase were too much alike. Even for their own good.

"Stop agitating your father." Lauren laughed as the bus door flew open. Nastasia yawned loudly as she looked out, no one was really there. She thanked God for it being so quiet, she knew by the time word got around there'd be massive amount of fans.

"Let me off the bus, now!" Nick answered, flying down and out the door as fast as he could make it. Nastasia rolled her eyes as Alexandria begged to be picked up. Nastasia scooped up her daughter as everyone pushed and piled out of the bus.

"Man, Stazzie. Get your big-butt out here!" AJ yelled loudly as Nastasia and Alexandria stepped off the bus. She was about to yell at AJ, but saw the one mother she had only ever known.

"MOMMA!" Nastasia yelped loudly. She ran over with Alexandria and hugged Denise tightly. She had gained so much from Denise in the past years. She had been the mother Nastasia had never been able to have. And she was thankful for it.

"There's my beautiful married daughter." Denise smiled as she wrapped both her arms around Alexandria and Nastasia. Holding them tightly as she kissed their cheeks. "Hey Lexie, you remember your grammy?"

"Dada." Alexandria replied with satisfaction. Making Nastasia laugh as Howie, Lauren, AJ, and Chase came over. Chase quickly jumped into Denise's arms. He loved his grandmother very much.

"Hey big boy! Gramma's here!"

"How long mom?" Lauren asked as she kissed Denise's cheek. Glad to have AJ's mother on tour again. She was very sweet and always offered to watch the kids.

"Probably for most of the tour."

"GREAT! There goes my plans!" AJ groaned.

"Not mine." Howie grinned as he wrapped his arms around Nastasia's slim waist. Denise gave Howie a playful glare as he began to kiss Nastasia's neck.

"That's my DAUGHTER Mr. Dorough." She answered.

"Sorry." Howie laughed.

"But yes! Gramma is here to stay! And guess what Chase? I come with detachable gadgets and with presents!" Denise laughed as Chase grinned. Lauren and AJ groaned.

"Did you have to?" Lauren moaned, thinking of all the toys Chase had brought to play with. She couldn't think of having to stuff any more into the already overstuffed suitcase.

"Mom." AJ laughed.

"Don't worry. I brought some for Staz and Lex too." Denise laughed.

"GREAT DENISE! Stazzie and Alexia don't need anymore stuff!" Howie moaned as Nastasia started to laugh. She was glad to have her mother back.

********

"Stazzie! Denise is taking all of us out for dinner before the concert. She said you better be ready in five minutes or she's killing someone." Howie called as he walked into their hotel room.

He looked to find his wife and daughter laying on the bed, watching some TV. Alexandria was cuddled tightly against Nastasia as she drapped her tan arms around her daughter. They were so peaceful laying there as Blue's Clues lighted the screen.

"I'm not hungry. And Lex is really tired." Nastasia answered as she flicked her gaze back to her husband. She seemed a little depressed as she stared at him.

"I think you should eat-"

"Look, Lex will be a bear if I take her. I'll keep her here and let her take a nap. Then I'll just hop a cab or something over to the arena. That way you don't have to worry about me." Nastasia replied, not wanting to go out. She had her reasons.

"Nastasia-"

"Howard. Just go. I'll grab something to eat when I leave. Just tell them I'm a little tired." Nastasia replied, not wanting an agrument.

"Okay..." Howie relented. Seeing as how he wasn't going to get her to go. Her mind was made up. "What's the matter Staz?"

"Nothing. I'm fine." She replied.

"I love you."

"You too." Nastasia laughed as he leaned in and gave her a sweet kiss.

*******

Nastasia sat at the kitchen table that night. Her legs propped on the scruffy wood table and leaning back on the chair. Her chores were done, her homework acomplished. And nothing else was left for her to do.

Nastasia's mother was currently locked in her bedroom. She was no doubt hiding from her father when he came home from work. Usually heading out to the bar for a few drinks. Then returning. She knew her mother was drinking in the bedroom, hiding her pain.

"Jeff wants me to go to the dance with him!" Nastasia replied cheerily into the phone. She knew her father would come pounding in the door, but she didn't care. She had to tell Lauren the good news.

"Really? Jeff? The captain of the football team?" Lauren replied. Her voice in a tiny squeak. Nastasia laughed, she couldn't believe it herself either.

"I was sitting in Science, he's in there with me. He comes up to my desk and asks me flat out. The girls want to kill me!"

"I'd say so! So, how are you going to go?"

"In Jeff's car, where else?" Nastasia laughed.

"I mean, how are you going to get your dad-"

Just then Nastasia heard the slamming of the door. She jumped a mile. She heard the heavy clamping of footsteps. "Laur, got to go. Bye."

"Girl, why aren't the dishes done!" Her father barked immediatly as he staggered into the kitchen. Nastasia looked to see the clean dishes drying on a towel.

"They are-"

"DON'T GET SASSY DAMNIT!" He roared as he took his huge hands and threw the dishes. Some clattering to the floor, leaving broken pieces scattering on the floor. Nastasia jumped as he staggered to the alcohol cabinet. They didn't have food in the house, but he sure did have to have the liquor.

"I'm sorry daddy." Nastasia whispered quickly as she bent down and prepared to clean up the broken pieces. Her heart pumping to a maximum.

"Why are you dressed like a whore?" Her father slurred out as he fumbled with the lid of his beer then slumped into one of the worn seats. Nastasia glanced down. It was hot in Florida, she was wearing a blue tanktop and a pair of jean shorts.

"I'm not daddy. It's hot."

"Liar. I ran into that Alex kid you hang around with. Was he here while I was gone?"

"No daddy."

"Sure." He grumbled.

"Daddy?"

"What girl?" He replied back. His bloodshot eyes blazing with heated anger. She gulped back her fears as she continued to sweep the pieces of glass in her hands.

"Can I go to a dance with Jeff Holland this Friday?"

"A what?" He asked as he stood up.

"A d-d-dance." Nastasia stuttered as he fell over to the counter. She could tell he had been drinking non-stop. She felt her heart pound harder.

"You want to get permission from me to go to a dance with some boy?"

"Yes..." Nastasia whispered.

"I will not have you going out to become the slut of the town. How do you think your mother and I feel? Everyone saying that you're sleeping around! DAMNIT! You whore!"

"I don't sleep around."

"Really?" He sneered as he slammed open a nearby drawer. Nastasia jumped from the sound. "You calling me a liar?"

"No daddy."

"What would you do if this boy came on to you. I know you'd be right back on him. But what if this boy pulled a knife out on you." He asked, gritting his teeth as he pulled a butcher's knife from the drawer. Nastasia whimpered as her father approached, she felt frozen.

"Daddy, don't." Nastasia pleaded as she finally managed to climb to her feet and try to run. Only her father caught her by her hair. She yelped as he yanked her back as hard as he could. With one massive push he threw her to the floor.

"I'm going to show you what he'd do! WHORE! TRASH! WHITE TRASH!" He screamed as he plunged the knife deep. Nastasia screamed out, the only thing echoing in her ears were his words, and her screams.

*******

"DON'T DON'T DON'T!" Nastasia screamed as she bolted awake. She looked to see Alexandria sleeping peacefully on the bed. Nastasia glanced around and felt the scar on her back begin to stab with pain.

"Stop daddy...stop..." Nastasia whispered as she felt the sobs choke her. She finally let them roll. Not caring anymore. She tucked her knees under her as the sobs continued to quake her insides.

Then the door opened.

Chapter 39:

" Honey, what's wrong? " Denise exclaimed as she rushed into the room after seeing the tears pouring down Nastasia's cheeks; Chase hot on her heels.

Nastasia looked up as her mother ran to her and sat down beside her, wrapping her lovings around her. She forcefully wiped her tears away, not wanting Chase to see her cry. " N-nothing, " she whispered.

" Don't tell me that. You were crying, what's wrong? " Denise asked gently as she pulled away from her daughter and smoothed Nastasia's tangled locks away from her face.

" I-it was just a bad nightmare, that's all, " Nastasia said foolishly, her eyes still brimming with tears. She couldn't tell her it had been about her father, she didn't want to worry Denise.

" Are you sure honey? "

" Yes Mom, I'm sure, " Nastasia replied, trying to calm herself down. ' It was just a dream, nothing more. He's gone, you got away from him a long time ago, ' she told herself silently.

" Aunt Stazzie had a bad dream? " Chase asked as he climbed onto Nastasia's lap.

" Yeah sweetie, I had a bad dream, " Nastasia answered, wrapping her arms around her nephew.

" Were you scared? "

" Yeah... "

" Why? Because there was a monster in your dream? "

" Yeah, a really scarey monster, " Nastasia said, the spot between her shoulder blades still throbbing a little. That was what her father was; a monster.

" I make you feel betterm " Chase giggled, leaning up and kissed Nastasia on the cheek. " Feel better? "

" Much. "

" Quite the little charmer, " Denise laughed.

" Yes, he is. Just like his father, " Nastasia laughed. " You little stinker, " she said as she began to tickle him. Chase burst into loud giggles as he struggled to get loose from his aunt.

" Not so loud Chase, you don't want to wake Lexie, " Denise hushed.

" Too late, " Nastasia laughed as Alexandria began to whimper. Her whimpers turned into a wail until Nastasia pulled her into her arms. " She was bound to wake up sometime anyways. "

" Dada, " Alexandria whimpered as her mother rocked her in her arms.

" She's a real daddy's girl, huh? " Denise smiled as she patted her granddaughter.

" Very much. They hold a very special bond, " Nastasia answered, her heart growing cold. She was jealous of the bond Howie had with their daughter. It was something she wished her and her own father could have held, but never had.

" Dada, " Alexandria whimpered again.

" Daddy's not here sweetie, " Nastasia cooed. " Where is Howie anyway? "

" Him and the boys are at the arena about to start warm-ups. You know, where you should be also, " Denise laughed.

" Oh crap! " Nastasia exclaimed, jumping up. " I over-slept! " she handed Alexandria to her grandmother and began rushing around the room.

" Calm down, you've got enough time. The concert doesn't start for another 2 hours. "

" How come you guys aren't there? "

" Mommy and Daddy say I have to stay here with Grammy, " Chase frowned, dissappointed that he couldn't go to the concert.

" I volunteered to stay with the kids at the hotel for the first concert, " Denise added. " To give Lauren a break. I'm sure she's had her hands full lately watching the kids. "

" Very much, and you know I love you bunches for this, " Nastasia laughed as she kissed her mom's cheek.

" You better hurry though. You don't want to be alte for warm-ups. "

" Alright, thanks mom. Bye Chazzie. Bye sweetie, " Nastasia called as she hurried to the door. She turned back and blew a kiss to her daughter who had begun to fuss loudly, then left.

*****

" Stazzie better get her big butt here soon! " Nick exclaimed as he jumped around wildly.

" Yeah, where is she anyways D? " Brian asked.

" Sleeping, knowing her lazy butt, " Howie joked, trying to get hyped up for the first show.

" Yeah, well she better get here soon. I can't perform without my dancing partner, " Kevin laughed.

" Are you sure your mom didn't mind staying back at the hotel tonight to watch the kids? " Lauren asked as A.J pulled her into his arms, they stood off in a corner for privacy.

" Nope, she said she didn't mind at all, " A.J replied, placing a tender kiss on her soft lips.

" Are you sure? Because I could have watched them and - "

" Baby, she said she didn't mind. Mom loves the kids, and now she has the chance to spend more time with them, especially Lexie, so she's gonna take advantange of that chance. Plus you need a break from watching them. "

" Are you sure? "

" Positive. "

" Alright... "

" Y'all ready to put on an amazing show?! " Nastasia exclaimed as she ran into the room everyone was chilling out in. The concert wasn't due to start for another hour and a half, but there were already thousands of fans outside the arena and she had a littl trouble getting in.

" You made it, " Howie smiled, walking over to his wife and putting his arms around her protectively.

" I wouldn't have if Mom wouldn't have woken me up, so thank her, " Nastasia laughed.

" Hey Stazzie, great news! " Nick exclaimed, running over to her.

" What would that be? "

" Kev said he doesn't want to dance with you anymore! "

Nastasia rolled her eyes and laughed as Kevin glared at Nick.

" I did not say that! "

" You did too! "

" I ain't gonna argue with you because I did not say that. "

" Get over it Nicky, I'm not dancing with you on this tour, " Nastasia said, laughing at how he never gave up. Nick just shrugged his shoulders and walked away.

Chapter 40:

Nastasia warmed up in her dressing room as she slipped into her costume. She sang softly to herself as she dressed. She wanted to keep her mind off her father. Before she knew it Lauren was watching her as she zipped up her back.

"Damn, I hate having a beautiful friend." Lauren teased as she fell onto one of the comfy cushioned chairs in the room. Nastasia looked back at her and rolled her eyes.

The boys decided they wanted leather for their dancers. Making each dancer's outfit unique. Nastasia's consisted of tight leather pants reaching low below her belly button and a black tank top reaching the top of her belly button. She felt nervous as she let her long blonde hair down, swaying down to her lower back.

"I look like a prostitute." Nastasia whined as she looked back to her friend. Lauren looked comfortable in a pair of flares and a tank top. She looked beautiful and perfect. She envied Lauren.

"You look like a dancer who's making a ton of money." Lauren smiled.

"I'm not worried about money." Nastasia frowned.

"Then what are you worried about?"

"I'm worried about giving Lexie a perfect family."

"She's already got that.

'I wish' Nastasia thought sadly as she turned away from her friend. Sometimes it hurt badly to see Howie and Alexandria together. It even felt like if she was gone from the picture that Alexandria wouldn't care. She'd be with her daddy, who needed mommy?

"Stazzie, you okay sweetheart?" Lauren called softly. Nastasia had been acting weird since the start of her nervous breakdown. She thought Nastasia was over that, but she could tell in her eyes. Something wasn't right.

"I'm fine, just can't wait to dance with Kevvy." Nastasia replied as the door slammed open. She jumped to see Nick and Brian standing there, grinning wildly. She laughed, both were hyped on sugar.

"Bri-Bear! Nicky!" Nastasia squealed as she gave them hugs and kisses, then Lauren jumped in. "Why did you do that?"

"We were hoping you'd be-" Nick started to grin, but Brian punched his shoulder hard. Shutting him up quickly.

"We wanted to come get you. The show is starting." Brian smiled as he took ahold of Lauren's arm. "And I get to show Laurie to her seat."

"Lucky me." Lauren grinned.

"Lucky you." Nick smiled, "Staz, can I pay you to dance with me?"

"How much?" Nastasia asked as they walked out of the room. Nick was about to name his price when Kevin came walking over. Nastasia glared playfully at Nick, "How dare you bribe me! I love my Kevvy!"

"Staz you just said-"

"I said I wanted my KEVVY! No deal!" Nastasia answered as she looped her arm around Kevin's arm. He smiled as Nick looked lost. Nastasia grinned playfully, maybe this show would be better.

******

Lauren was on the edge of her seat the entire show. AJ had been dancing beautifully the whole time. No mistakes as far as Lauren could tell. He kept making refrences to Lauren as he talked, blowing kisses her way. She smiled, she loved him dearly.

Even the fans had responded nicely to Lauren. She had girls flocking around her, asking for autographs. She happily agreed until AJ's bodyguard came over in case one of the fans wasn't too nice. She thanked him silently, but still offered sweet smiles to the fans.

Howie was looking spectacular also. His rhythmic moves sent lots of girls into hysterics. He blew kisses to the fans as he sung his parts. But he still kept an eye on Nastasia. Over protective, just like AJ.

On the other hand Nastasia and Kevin were an awesome pair. Nastasia had something about her that seemed to get the boys hyped. Both fans and the band themselves. Everytime Nastasia came up to the end to dance she had boys whistling at her. She laughed, not thinking anything about it.

Then when she and Kevin danced she seemed to be lost. She had her own style to dancing, which was terrific. She was unlike any other dancer. Making her a great catch. Her gyrating of hips, swishing and shaking seemed to make Kevin weak in the knees. He had a grin on his face the entire time. Lauren was going to comment on it later.

"It's been a great show!" Kevin sighed as he took a deep chug of water. It was their last song, then they were done. Nastasia's heart was pumping to a maximum as Kevin looped his arm around Nastasia's waist. "I'd like you to give it up for my dancer here tonight. She's been a saint. And I'm truely happy having her be mine..."

Cheers rose from the audience, making Nastasia blush. She looked to see Lauren going wild for her. She laughed, happy to have her friend there. Then hoots and hollers came from the crowd, men's eyes growing wide as their jaws dropped. Nastasia was definitely a beauty.

"THANKS Y'ALL! THANKS TO MY WIFE FOR SHOWING UP TOO!" AJ yelled with a goofy grin on his face, Lauren laughed.

"Thanks to my wife too!" Howie laughed.

"Thanks to the fans!" Brian smiled.

"Thanks to us!" Nick piped in.

"NICK!" Everyone yelled, making the crowd cheer as he gave an innocent grin. One he had learned from Nastasia.

*******

"MY GOSH! THAT WAS SO AWESOME!" Nastasia squealed as they just finished their song. Kevin gave a hoot as he twirled Nastasia in a circle. She smiled as she kissed his cheek. "You guys rocked!"

"What'd you think?" AJ asked as he kissed Lauren's neck. She smiled, smelling the faint smell of cologne. She loved that smell.

"Awesome." Lauren murmured.

"Did you see all those guys looking at STAZ?!" Brian laughed as he grabbed a towel and a giant slug of water. Nastasia began to blush as Kevin laughed.

"She does appeal to the crowd."

"Mostly the males." Lauren piped in.

"Shut up!" Nastasia blushed.

"Yeah! Shut up! She's mine!" Howie answered his voice dripping with jealousness. Nastasia laughed as she moved to wrap her arms tightly around him.

"You did a great job tonight." She purred.

"I sung for you." He whispered back.

"Good." Nastasia smiled as they were about to kiss, but Nick tore her away from him. She yelped as Howie looked angrily at Nick. Wanting to get a private moment with his wife. He missed her cuddly moments.

"Staz! Let's go out and celebrate!" Nick answered as he hugged her. Nastasia laughed, he was still hyper.

"Yeah! I want to take you!" Kevin smiled.

"Wait! You got to dance with her! I think I should be the one to take her out. That way I get to dance with her when we're clubbin'. Jezz, you're keeping her all to yourself Kev!" Nick growled.

"She's my wife!" Howie answered suddenly.

"I never get time with Staz!" Brian jumped in.

"Me either!" Lauren and AJ called suddenly, making Nastasia laugh harder. She didn't know she was so loved. Which surprised her greatly.

"Why don't we all just go?" Nastasia answered, finishing it off with a dazzeling smile.

Chapter 41:

" Well, that's one show down and however many more to go, " Brian joked as they all took a seat around one of the larger tables at the club.

" We're just getting started, " Kevin laughed.

" Does anyone want to dance? " Nastasia asked, her heart pumping and ready to go for some more dancing; she never quit. " Cause ain't that what we came here for? "

" I'll dance with you, " Kevin and Nick said in unison and stood up before anyone else had a chance to offer. Nick growled as he glared at Kevin.

" Actually, I'll let Nicky boy have the first dance with you, I'll take the next, " Kevin answered, sitting down, leaving Nick to his satisfaction.

" Do you mind babe, or do you want to dance? " Nastasia asked as she turned to her husband.

Howie smiled up at her. " No, you go ahead. Just promise me you'll save the last dance, " he grinned.

" It's a promise, " Nastasia smiled, her ocean eyes sparking. " Well Mr. Carter, shall we dance? "

" Yes we shall, " Nick grinned, linking his arm with hers, finally getting his moment to dance with her. He lead her out to the dance floor.

Brian stood up. " Yo J, from fear of getting my butt kicked because I didn't ask, can I have permission for the honor of dancing with your amazingly beautiful, may I add SEXY wife? "

" That's my wife you're talking about 'Rok! "

" What, am I not those things Alex? " Lauren asked playfully, a hurtful look appearing on her face.

" No baby, you're all those things and a hell of a lot more. But only I can talk about you like that, " A.J grinned. He began to smother her with kisses, making everyone at the table groan.

" With sweet words like that Bri Bear, you don't need Alex's permission, " Lauren grinned at A.J and stood up. " It'd be a pleasure to dance with you, my hot, sexy, southern boy to- "

" Lauren! " A.J gasped, surprise written all over his face.

" Sorry Baby, I couldn't resist doing that, because I knew you would take it seriously, " Lauren laughed.

" Why do I have a feeling that any minute J is going to kick my butt? " Brian asked as he backed up.

" Because I am! " A.J growled.

" You best not lay a hand on my Bri Bear, " Lauren giggled pushing A.J back into his seat. " Because you'll be out of the room, " she whispered in his ear.

" So you're trying to tell that if I knock some sense into 'Rok, then there won't be any fun later tonight? "

" Nope. "

" Damn, you're safe this time 'Rok, " A.J grinned as he recieved a well passionate kiss from his wife.

" Am I still offered a dance Bri Bear? " Lauren asked, turning back to Brian.

" Definately. "

*****

It was nearing closing time for the club and people were beginning to clear the dance floor. Howie wrapped his arms around Nastasia's body tightly, getting their dance in liked they had promised, before the club closed.

" We usually don't make special request announcements like this, because the owner of the club says it's not company policy or something? " the DJ announced over the speaker, cutting in at the end of the song that had been playing. " But this guy came up to me tonight and told me that he was here with his wife and he said how much he loved her and he wanted her to know that to him, she is his EVERYTHING. So here it is, 98 Degrees - " My Everything ", dedicated to this guy's special someone. "

Nastasia looked up at Howie with questioning eyes.

" Yes, I requested this song as a dedication to you, " Howie answered, leaning in to give her a kiss.

" You're too sweet to me, " Nastasia whispered, her heart warming.

" I just wanted you to know that, " Howie began. " You are my everything. Nothing your love won't bring. My life is your's alone. The only love I've ever known. Your spirit pulls me through, when nothing else will do. Every night I pray, on bended knee, that you will always be, my everything, " he sang into her ear as he held her close.

" I wouldn't let you have it any other way, " Nastasia smiled as she layed her head against his chest and they continued to sway to the music.

*****

" Where'd Howie and Stazzie run off to? " Lauren asked as her and A.J walked into the hotel after paying the cab.

" Up to their room I'm guessing, " A.J answered with a grin. " The same as we're about to do. "

" Wait, what about Chase? "

" He'll stay with Mom tonight. "

" You already asked her? "

" No...but...I was going to... "

" I don't know how she puts up with you, " Lauren laughed.

" Well, she has put up with me my whole life. "

" And I don't know how she did. "

" Watch it. "

" I'm kidding. "

" Yeah, I bet. I'll meet you up in the room, you know where, " A.J grinned.

*****

" Just one minute, " Denise called form inside the room. " Alex! How was the show? "

" It went great. A total success, " A.J replied, offering his mother a hug. He walked inside. " You missed out on a great show. "

" Are you trying to make your poor old mom feel bad for wanting to spend time with her grandkids? "

" No, but I need to ask you a favor, well, two favors actually. "

" And what would that be? "

" Well, the first one is on the behalf of Howie and Stazzie. "

" Just spit it out Alex. "

" Howie and Stazzie went to their room to have a little fun and - "

" Alex! "

" What? "

" That's none of your business. "

" Yeah, yeah. " A.J rolled his eyes. " So basically, could you keep Lexie for the night? "

" Doesn't seem like I have a choice, " Denise laughed. " What's the other favor? "

Before A.J could answer, Chase came running up to him.

" Daddy! "

" What are you doing up still Chaser? " A.J asked as he launched Chase into his arms.

" Me no sleep! "

" Well, you should be. "

" We go to our room now? "

" No, you're gonna stay with Grammy tonight. Oh, by the way mom, that's the other favor... "

" No, I don't want to! " Chase whined, his eyebrows furling up, just like A.J when he was angry.

" Well you have to, because I said so. "

" No! "

" Yes! "

" No! "

" Yes! " A.J laughed as he set his son down. " So, you don't mind keeping Chase tonight? "

" No, I don't. "

" Or Lexie? "

" I don't mind keeping both of them. And Lexie is a doll. I'm being able to catch up on the time I missed with Chase when he was that age. "

A.J frowned, a lump growing in his throat as he stuffed his hands in his pockets.

" Oh Alex, I didn't mean it like that. "

" N-no, it's ok mom... "

" Don't worry about the kids. Go be with Laurie. "

" Alright, I'll see you in the morning. Thanks again. " He gave Denise a kiss on the cheek and hurried off down the hall.

Chapter 42:

That night Howie had been extremely tired from the concert. He was already snuggled deep in the covers as Nastasia came out of the bathroom. She was in one of his wife beaters and a pair of his silk boxers. He smiled, he thought it was sexy that she wore his clothing.

"Hey babe, you coming to bed? Or are you just going to tease me by standing there all night?" Howie asked as Nastasia piled her hair into a messy bun. She glared at him playfully.

"Where's Lex?" She asked after a few moments.

"Denise has her. Thanks to AJ." Howie grinned as Nastasia frowned.

"Mom has had those kids all night and she's letting them sleep with her? I'm going to go and-"

"Nastasia, she wants to see Alexia. Would you let it drop and come to bed? We hardly ever have time alone anymore." Howie whined as Nastasia looked back to him.

"What's that mean?" She asked.

"Nick and Kevin were always sweeping you away to dance tonight, then there was AJ and his constant butting in between you and me." Howie answered with a sigh. He was the one married to her, but still it seemed that everyone else was married to her as well.

"Kevvy and Nicky didn't mean anything by it. They just like to dance." Nastasia pouted.

"And I do too." Howie answered.

"You poor baby." Nastasia laughed as she jumped onto the bed and cuddled in the covers. She began to kiss his neck lovingly, making him tingle with pleasure as he wrapped his arms around her slender waist and began to kiss her.

"I love when you kiss me." Howie laughed as she kissed him more, working from his neck up to his lips. She grinned as she kissed him over and over.

"I love to kiss you." She whispered back, connecting their lips again, then she snuggled tightly down in his arms. He wrapped them tighter around her as she listened to his heart beat.

"Man, I remember when I was younger..." Nastasia whispered after a few moments of silence. Howie's heart jumped, she never talked about when she was younger. It was like those things were blocked out of her mind. "My momma used to hold me tight after...well...she'd just whisper to me that it'd be okay. She'd just hold me, then we'd fall asleep...or she'd go back to her drink-"

Nastasia felt the words get lost in her throat. Her mother was just as lost as she was when she was younger. Although her father never really striked her mother, more or less just yelled at her. The abuse was saved for Nastasia. Then her mother would say something like it'd be all right. But never said she loved her. Deep inside Nastasia knew she was an accident.

"Staz, baby? You want to talk about it?" Howie called, just as she had started to open up she had shut back up. Making a wall build stronger around that part of her heart. She didn't want to think of those things. She wanted to be happy.

"Nah, what did you say about me kissing you again?" Nastasia purred as she rolled onto Howie's stomach. Easing herself into a comfortable posistion as Howie smiled.

"I said I loved you kissing me." Howie answered, smiling up at her. A little better about her opening up. Even though it was a tiny bit. He would have to talk to Lauren soon.

"Good, cuz I love kissing you." Nastasia purred as she locked lips with his. Kissing him tenderly as heat flamed through his body. He wrapped his arms around her and started to kiss back, enjoying the closeness of her body.

*****

That next morning they were already on the tour buses. The tour was headed to Alanta Georgia. Deep in the country, which Nastasia was happy about. She loved the south, it was a part of her.

"Jezz, I think Staz is more hyper than Chase!" AJ laughed as Nastasia jumped off the couch in the middle of the tourbus and jumped onto AJ's lap.

"I am hyper! And it's all Nicky's fault!" Nastasia said with a crazy laugh, making everyone else burst into loud laughs as she grabbed AJ's cowboy hat off the top of his head.

"Just think if Alexia turns out like that." Denise laughed as she patted Howie on the shoulder. He groaned loudly, not being able to even think about that.

"She already acts like her mom more than ever." Lauren answered as AJ wrapped his arms around her again, kissing her neck softly. She giggled as a familar sound came on the radio. Suddenly Nastasia jumped up from talking with Brian and turned the radio up loud.

"Oh no! Here goes a remake of Coyote Ugly!" Nick laughed as Nastasia started to get into the grove of the strong southern beat filling the tourbus. Howie laughed, this was definitely going to be something!

******

A lovely beat of Billy Gilman's "I Think She Loves Me" came on the radio. Nastasia felt uneasy, she had another nightmare last night. Everytime she had one she'd just do crazy things to forget it. Sometimes a little too crazy.

"Mom! Remember when JJ and I were younger? You were so into country music! You'd have us dress up in cowboy hats and sing and dance!" Nastasia called as the music began to pick up. Making her heart race.

"DON'T REMIND ME STAZ!" AJ groaned as Lauren smirked.

"Hello Mr. Cowboy." She teased as AJ slapped her playfully. He grinned as she rolled her eyes and kissed him softly. Everyone else turned their gazes back to Nastasia, to see what she'd do.

"I think she likes me and I know I like her. It's kinda frightening cuz it's too soon to be sure. I think she likes me. Maybe even might be love. Should I be patient or should I ask her straight out? That smile she gave me don't leave too much room for doubt." Nastasia began to sing, letting her voice go. Hitting the notes at just the right pitches to gain everyone's attention.

"WOW! AUNTIE STAZ!" Chase laughed as Nastasia began to dance to the beat, keeping the cowboy hat low on her face. Letting the music take her and her audience away.

"Our first kiss said more than goodnight! I bet I relived it a thousand times. And I can't predict what the future's going to bring, but those looks she's been giving me can only mean one thing." Nastasia sung out with another burst of engery, swinging her hips to the beat as she dipped down. Making her sweet innocence turn into something sexy and very wanted. Just like Nastasia.

"Come on, this could get bad." Brian whispered in Lauren's ear as he tugged her to the back. Leaving everyone else mesmirized by Nastasia's dancing and singing.

******

"Jezz, between you and her someone's going to get jumped on tour." Brian laughed as he and Lauren collapsed onto the giant couch in the back room. They could hear the faint beat of the music drumming in their ears.

"What do you mean jumped?" Lauren laughed as she draped her legs on Brian's lap. She knew what he was saying. Nastasia was a beautiful girl, it was hard to resist the temptation lurking with every move she made.

"You know what I mean blondie! I mean someone will be having fun in the bedroom. You see the way Nick and Kev watch Staz like a hawk? If Howie ever screwed up, they'd jump her fast." Brian laughed, the teasing note in his voice making Lauren laugh.

"I think Howie would kill them."

"And I'd jump you." Brian teased.

"Bring it on, we're all alone." Lauren growled, seduction hinting in her voice. Making Brian laugh harder.

"AJ would kill me."

"I know, I love him better than I love you anyway!" Lauren smiled.

"Now I'm hurt!"

"For real! Me too!" Lauren laughed, "Everyone likes Staz better than me."

"Not-uh. They just like her sexual appeal."

"Now Stazzie's going to beat you up."

"Everyone's on my case!" Brian answered, flinging his arms in the air. Lauren laughed as she cuddled up close to Brian, him giving her an affectionate brotherly hug.

"Can I ask you a question?" Brian asked as he kept his arms around Lauren. She looked up, her and Brian hardly had serious conversations. They were always joking and playing. He and her were very close though. So, it counted for something.

"Sure, shoot Bri."

"Why did you and J break up in the first place? Like one day you guys were hot and heavy, then the next he was cursing at you. I didn't understand, then you just disappeared suddenly." Brian asked softly, like he had been pondering it for a long time.

"Devon."

"Yeah, I knew that. But I never knew why Devon..."

"AJ thought I was sleeping with Devon." Lauren responded, her heart growing cold remembering the night AJ had walked in. But it had all turned into the better. She and AJ were married now.

"Who was Devon?"

"A friend from high school. He, Stazzie, me, and Jeff used to hang around a lot. We were like inseperable. Devon liked me a little too much, but all I saw was a friend. Well, then he still hung out with me when I met AJ. So, we were just hanging out in the bedroom, and AJ walked in. Needless to say I never talked to Devon again." Lauren sighed sadly, upset to have that friendship done and over with.

"I'm sorry Laur." Brian whispered.

"He still calls sometimes. I just hang up the phone. Then his letters are sitting in this shoebox in my house. I never had the guts to open them. If AJ found out-"

"Where's Devon now?"

"New York."

"We're going there."

"What are the chances of seeing him?" Lauren laughed, not worried about it at all.

"I don't know." Brian laughed as Lauren jumped up suddenly. Aching to see Nastasia again. Something was deeply connected in her and Nastasia's relationship.

"Let's go see how Stazzie's doing with her strip number." Lauren teased.

"STRIPPING?! MAN! COME ON LAUREN!" Brian joked, pulling Lauren out the door.

Chapter 43:

Nastasia was currently in a deep heated discussion with Kevin, AJ and Nick about playing street basketball. Howie decided to let Nastasia be alone with them for now (even though she had been with them non-stop). He carefully walked from where the bunks were to the seats in the front where Denise was playing with Alexandria and Chase. Brian and Lauren were in the back playing a game.

" Dada! " Alexandria exclaimed as soon as she saw her father and began crawling over to him anxiously.

"Hey sweetheart." Howie laughed as he immediatly scooped up his child, holding her tight while giving her tons of kisses. Denise laughed as Howie sat down next to her on the seats, Chase was playing her a game of cards.

" Hey Uncle Howie! Wanna play? " Chase asked as he slapped down his cards and grinned up at his grandmother. " I win! "

" How do you win? " Denise laughed.

" Because! I win! "

"Sounds like AJ." Howie chuckled as he sat down, balancing little Alexandria in his lap. She let loose a round of giggles. An extremely happy child, like her mother.

" Very much, " Denise laughed as Chase struggled to shuffle the cards, a few dropping on the floor and him picking them back up.

" Play again grammy? " Chase asked, his brown eyes shining up at her.

"Play you? But you always win!" Denise laughed.

" Because I'm da master! " Chase giggled.

"Should we just call him AJ Junior?" Howie asked as Alexandria giggled again, her bright green eyes hopeful and alert. Her mother's had been downcasted and fairly dreary lately, he wished he knew what was wrong with her.

" If he keeps this up, we should, " Denise laughed as her grandson dealt the cards very sloppy.

"Grammy! Bad job!" Chase scolded as Howie rolled his eyes.

" What about me? I thought I was gonna play? " Howie asked.

" You didn't say you want to, so, now you can't, so ha! " Chase joked and stuck his tongue out playfully.

Alexandria looked at Chase sticking out his tongue and automatically did the same thing. Releasing a sarcastic laugh, surprising Howie and Denise both.

"Now that was a Stazzie move." Denise laughed.

" She's too much like her mother, " Howie mumbled, not realizing it.

"What's that supposed to mean sweetie?" Denise asked, confusion spreading across her dark eyes. Chase even stopped a moment to glance at his uncle.

" She's an exact copy of her mother, only smaller and younger. "

"Why do I have a feeling there's something else that's plaguing you?" Denise asked, "I could always tell when Staz was in trouble, AJ's words always had double meanings then..."

" Then what? " Howie asked suddenly.

"Nothing..." Denise answered, wanting to change the subject. "Lexie, come here sweetheart. Grammy has your teddybear."

" No Denise, then what? " Howie asked, feeling anger well within him, not towards Denise, but toward the fact that it seemed like everyone was keeping something from him, some forbidden secret.

"Sweetheart, it's nothing. I swear." Denise answered softly.

" Fine, whatever, " Howie sighed as he ran a hand over his face.

"What is the matter?" Denise asked, upset that she couldn't tell him anything. But it was Nastasia's place to tell him, not her. She was also worried about Howie. He seemed to be down and depressed about something, which she figured happened to do with Nastasia.

" Nothing, " Howie answered, not wanting to look up at her.

"Howard Dwaine, please. I'm the mother of your wife. I know when's somethings up. Why can't you talk to me?" Denise asked in a calm tone.

" Shouldn't I be asking you the same thing? " Howie asked, a hurtful look on his face as he stood up and handed Alexandria over to her. He began to walk away.

"Howie, don't." Denise called to him. Not completely understanding what he said.

Howie ignored her and walked towards the bunk area to go lay down. He suddenly felt the need to be alone, not wanting to see anyone. His heart was aching, he only wanted answers, and not even Denise would give him any. And he knew she knew something.

*****

"Look, I'm telling you pansies that checkin' is all right in street b-ball!" Nastasia laughed as Kevin groaned. Nastasia perked up from her heated discussion with the guys to see Denise walk over with Alexandria. She looked a little upset, which worried Nastasia. "Is Lexie fussy?" She asked softly.

" No, " Denise answered. " Actually, it's Howie. I'm kind of worried about him... "

"What's the matter?" Nastasia asked, worry increasing in her voice. After the suicide attack she became extremely worried about Howie. But he would never tell her what's up with him.

" I'm not quite sure, that's the thing. I was just talking with him a few minutes ago, then he began to look a little depressed about something. When I tried to question him why he was upset, he wouldn't say. He just walked away without saying a word. "

"Can we say PMS?" AJ asked with a smirk.

" Alex! " Denise scolded, glaring at her son.

"WHAT?!" AJ asked with an innocent smile.

Nastasia rolled her eyes as she slapped AJ. "Bad JJ! Bad!" She scolded with Denise.

" Damn woman, you're becoming abusive, " A.J joked.

"That's not funny." Nastasia whispered softly, her eyes downcasting. She gave a hurt look at AJ and stood up, cradling Alexandria in her arms, she walked away.

At first, A.J didn't realize what had just upset Nastasia, but then it hit him and he knew he shouldn't have said it. Kevin and Nick looked on in confusion, but from the silence that began to grow, the subject was dismissed.

*****

" C'mon Bri Bear! That wasn't fair! " Lauren laughed as she glared playfully at Brian who just gave her an innocent smile. " You cheat so badly! "

" I do not! " Brian protested.

" You do too! No wonder Nick is such a bad sport when he plays with you. "

" I don't cheat and Nick just can't play games worth beans, " Brian laughed.

" Well, you got a point there, " Lauren giggled. She smiled as she watched Brian play a round by himself determindly. These were the times she really enjoyed spending with him. When they just hung out.

Out of nowhere, Lauren's cellphone rang and she jumped at the sound. Brian whipped his cellphone out of his pocket, but after realizing it wasn't his that was ringing, he laughed sheepishly.

" I think it's your cell that's ringing. "

Lauren absentmindedly reached over to the couch where her cellphone was laying and picked it up. " Hello? "

" Lauren? "

She nearly dropped the phone when she heard the voice. She clearly recognized it and it scared her. After Brian excused himself from the room silently, she sat down on the couch.

" Hello? "

" Yeah? " she asked, her voice barely audible.

" Lauren, it's Devon. "

' Like I didn't know that stupid, ' she thought cruely with a laugh. " I know... "

" Finally, I've gotten ahold of you. It's been forever since the last time we've talk. How have you been? " Devon asked cheerfully, eager to make conversation.

" I've been ok, " Lauren answered, her mind wandering off. It was all too wierd. She had just been talking to Brian about Devon not too long before and now he called her. What were the chances? " Um...y-yourself? "

" I've been quite well. My job is going great. Hey, I saw you got married, to what's his name? "

" A.J... "

" Yeah A.J. I thought you guys broke up after - "

" Well we got back together, " Lauren snapped unexpectedly.

" Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. But congradulations though. "

" Yeah... "

" Well, I came across their tour schedule on entertainment tonight last night and I sorta figured you would be on tour with them. "

" Yeah, I am. "

" You're supposed to be coming to New York after Atlanta, right? "

" Yes, the last time I heard... "

" Well, since it's been a while, how about we get together? For good times sake? "

Lauren wanted to scream at him no, she had no desire to see him, let alone really have a friendship with him, because she knew somehow it would probably result in the destruction of her and A.J's marraige, but she didn't have the heart to be a bitch. He was only trying to be a friend, even though she had shut him out of her life all these years.

" Lauren? "

" What? "

" When the tour gets to New York, could we get together? "

Just then A.J popped his head into the back room, causing Lauren to jump again.

" I gotta go. Bye, " she said quickly and hung up the phone.

" Who was that? " A.J asked as he walked into the room and pulled her up into his arms.

" Nobody, " Lauren lied.

" It had to of been somebody. I know you weren't talking to yourself. "

" It was the wrong number. "

" Really... "

" Yeah, wrong number. Didn't know who it was, " Lauren lied quickly, not wanting to tell him who it really was.

Chapter 44:

Nastasia had went straight to her hotel room after the bus ride. They had several hours to kill before they left for practice. She was deeply upset about what AJ had said to her. She still couldn't understand how he could say something like that.

Howie had taken Alexandria and Chase out to a local park for a few hours. He was extremely upset with people hiding things from him, he just wanted to get out. Something inside him was reaching the point of exploding, and he couldn't understand.

"Staz? Babe? You in here?" AJ called softly as he knocked softly on the door, which eased itself open. He had told Lauren what he had said to Nastasia. Lauren was extremely upset, like Denise had been. They both suggested he stop in and apologize.

"I don't want to talk." Nastasia whimpered. AJ walked in anyway. He looked to see Nastasia curled into a tight ball. Her chin resting on her knees as she hugged them, tears trickling down her face.

"Are you okay?" AJ asked, worry casting in his soft brown eyes. He slid onto the bed beside Nastasia. Nastasia jumped as she looked at her long time friend.

"I'm fine. Peachy." She replied sarcastically.

"I'm sorry for what I said Stazzie." AJ answered back.

"You mean about me being abusive?"

"Yes, I didn't-"

"Your right, I'm just turning into my father." Nastasia snapped back. Her fears had been sneaking back up on her. The nightmares making her frightened. She felt her body start to shake as AJ held her tightly.

"You're not your dad Staz, you're not."

"But what if I am? What if I turn into him? What if I hurt Lex? I couldn't live with myself if I hurt Lex. Not her JJ, I don't want to..." Nastasia sobbed, her voice catching with the sobs. Releasing the true feelings she had been thinking.

"Sweetheart, you'll never hurt Lex. She loves you too much. And you love her." AJ whispered, his voice soft. He was suprised by the thoughts rushing through Nastasia's head. He thought she had been okay.

"I just start having dreams about him JJ. I can't stand it. I dream of the time I got the scar on my back. And how you and Laurie kept begging me to go to the hospital. Then Lauren's mom finally took me. My dad flipping again and..." Nastasia felt a sob catch in her throat as AJ winced. He remembered too.

"Staz don't."

"He beat me for days after that JJ. Don't you understand? I was so bruised. I couldn't even move! I don't want to be like that! All it does is haunt me! I was bleeding-"

Nastasia was about to continue, but she heard the door open. She jumped as Howie walked in. No children. He had dropped them off with Denise, who begged to have them.

"Hey...What's the matter?" Howie asked as he saw the tears streaking his wife's face. AJ looked pale as he stared back at Howie.

"Nothing." Nastasia whispered.

"You're crying." Howie observed, anger rising in his voice.

"AJ punched me a little hard." Nastasia answered, a lie. Howie could tell. He felt his anger reach a point of no return. He couldn't believe his love and his best friend were lying to him.

"Why won't you tell me?"

"Tell you what D?" AJ asked, his voice shakey.

"What the hell happened with Staz! She's been like a freakin' stranger to me since the day we got married! And all you guys do is cover her tracks! Protecting her! PROTECTING HER FROM WHAT DAMNIT!?! I want to know! You can't keep fucking lying to me! I wish I never had gotten married to her in the first place!" Howie yelled loudly as he stormed out of the room, slamming the door hard behind him.

AJ looked pale as Nastasia looked badly shaken. She began to cry softly. AJ threw his arms around Nastasia, hoping to stop the crying. Not that it would happen. Her heart had shattered.

****

Later that day Nastasia had went to Lauren's room to play with the kids. No one but AJ knew of Howie's outburst. And they hadn't seen him since. Nastasia knew to keep quiet, although it tore her to pieces.

"Hey babe, what's the matter?" Lauren asked quietly as she watched Chase play with Alexandria, giving her the teddy bear then pulling it away.

"Nothing." Nastasia answered, forcing a smile.

"You sure?" Lauren asked again, knowing something was wrong. She wasn't sure how to bring it up. She knew Nastasia would confide in her eventually.

"Yeah, I guess." Nastasia sighed as she fell onto the bed. Alexandria watched her mother sigh heavily. She crawled over and began to whine, begging Nastasia to pick her up. Nastasia smiled softly as she kissed her daughter. "Do you love mommy?"

"Mama." Alexandria cooed.

"Would you miss mommy if daddy took you away?" Nastasia asked softly, making Lauren's insides chill.

"Staz?"

"Nothing." Nastasia replied as she cuddled her daughter tightly.

"Did I tell you who called today?" Lauren asked, changing the subject, knowing she could bring it up later to AJ or Howie. One of them would tell her what's up.

"No who?"

"Devon."

"DEVON?!" Nastasia gasped, her green eyes sparking with worry. "Our Devon? The Devon?"

"Duh."

"What'd he want?"

"He wants to see me again..."

"Laurie, you can't. You'll fuck up your relationship with AJ. And you guys are married, you can't get divorced. It'd hurt me too bad." Nastasia replied, worry casting in her eyes.

"I'm not sure..."

"Don't Laurie!"

"I love AJ...and nothing can change that. Devon made me so mad when he tried to mess things up with AJ. So, I hung the phone up on him. All he did was cause hurt between AJ and I."

"Go with that feeling!"

"But Staz, seriously. Aren't you curious to see what he turned out like? I mean, we've known each other since high school. I mean, I guess a little of me is interested in seeing what he's like now..."

"No! Curiousity killed the cat!"

"Dumb saying."

"So?! Laurie, say you won't." Nastasia pleaded, so much like AJ and Chase. "Laurie, it'll kill AJ. Please don't think about it. Think of AJ, that's all that counts..."

"I'll think about it." Lauren replied.

Chapter 45:

The rest of the day seemed quite ackward, to Lauren that is. Her mind was still plagues with the thought of Devon wanting to see her again. At first, she wouldn't dare consider it, but gradually, as she thought about it more, she found herself wanting to see him. She didn't know what to think because they would arriving in New York in two days.

As she tried to take her mind away from the shock of Devon's call, she watched as Howie and Nastasia slowly slipped away from each other. Even though Nastasia had denied the fact that something had happened when questioned earlier, Lauren knew something was wrong. She knew too well when her best friend was holding something back from her, and this was one of those times.

Lauren didn't know what to make of it either. She didn't want to think of them having relationship problems again. Neither of them deserved that. But things weren't looking very good and that was obvious during rehearsal.

Howie and Nastasia would go near each other and the sad thing was, it seemed like they were trying to avoid each other. Every time Howie would see Nastasia, he would glare angrily at her. But why could he be so angry?

Lauren could tell it was hurting Nastasia too, not matter how much her friend tried to hide it. It showed the most in her dancing. She didn't show as much enthusiasm during rehearsal as she usually did, and she stumbled quite a bit. And Kevin looked to have been blaming himself for Nastasia's dancing mistakes because he repeatedly apologized to her during and after rehearsal.

Howie himself was showing hate towards everyone. He would make it a point to snap at anyone who tried to talk to him and he kept to himself as much a possible.

*****

" Nastasia Anne Dorough! Hurry up! " Lauren called playfully as she knocked on the bathroom door in Howie and Nastasia's hotel room.

Nastasia had been in the bathroom for quite a while, her excuse being that she was getting ready to head over to the arena, where everyone else was already. She had refused to go with them all when they went and Lauren knew why; Howie.

" C'mon Stazzie, I'm serious! You really need to hurry up! " Lauren called again as she folded her arms over her chest.

" I'll be out in a minute! " Nastasia called back.

Lauren rolled her eyes as she turned away from the door. " What's with you? " she asked her son after finding him standing behind her with an odd look on his face.

" I got to go to da bathroom, " Chase replied, his eyebrows furling as he jumped up and down.

" You're gonna have to wait. "

" But I have to go now! "

" Well Aunt Stazzie is HOGGING THE BATHROOM! "

" You're funny Laurie, " Nastasia grumbled as she walked out of the bathroom and Chase ran in, slamming the door shut.

" Yes, I know I am, " Lauren replied sarcastically as she watched her friend sit on the edge of the bed and make a move to put on her adidas shoes. She frowned when seeing the depressed look on her friend's face. " Stazzie, what's wrong? " she sighed.

" Nothing's wrong. "

" Yeah right. "

" It's not important. "

" Yes it is. Anything that is wrong with my best friend is important. "

Nastasia sighed as she stood up and walked over to the dresser. " Have you ever thought about divorce? "

Lauren's heart stopped. " What?! "

" Have you ever thought about divorce? "

" W-why are you asking that? "

" Have you? "

" No, I have no reason to. What's wrong Stazzie? "

Nastasia didn't answer. She walked back over to the bed and sat down.

" Please don't tell me you're - " Lauren began, not wanting to finish her sentence. Nastasia only nodded in response. " Oh god Stazzie... " She couldn't believe this. It couldn't be this bad between them. " W-why?! "

" He doesn't want to be married to me... "

" That's not true. "

" Yes, it is. He told me. "

" What? "

" JJ came in to talk to me, and then - well I got upset about something and then Howie came into the room. He asked what was wrong, but I-I couldn't tell him. Then he just blew up totally and said he wished he never would have married me in the first place... " Nastasia burried her head in her hands as the tears began to fall.

" He couldn't of- "

" Ask JJ, he was there. "

" He didn't mean it. "

" He did too. Now he hates me and I've screwed up my marraige, " Nastasia sobbed as she lete everything out, not being able to hold it in any longer.

" Howie doesn't hate you. He didn't mean what he said. "

" Yes he did. I've caused my marraige to fall apart. "

" Stazzie... "

" I love Howie with all my heart, but I've managed to somehow screw up my marraige. He doesn't love me anymore and he probably never has, " Nastasia cried as Lauren wrapped her arms around her. Nastasia could still hear Howie's words ringing in her ears and it shattered her heart.

Lauren could feel herself becoming angry as her friend cried freely in her arms. Her anger was directly aimed at Howie and she was going to give him a piece of her mind.

*****

" What's up with Howie? " Brian asked as he walked up to A.J who was checking over his outfit.

A.J looked over to find Howie sulking in a corner by himself. He was angry at him for what he had said to Nastasia earlier that day, and he was also confused.

" The hell if I know, " he lied and walked away, leaving Brian in confusion and wondering what was wrong with everyone.

" Stazzie! " Kevin yelled as Nastasia, Lauren and Chase walked into the dressing-room. As soon as he saw the tears in her eyes, he ran over to her. " What's wrong sweetheart? " he asked, embracing her in a hug.

Lauren heard a scuff come from Howie and the anger boiled within her. She went over to him, the words almost rushing from her mouth.

" What the hell is wrong with you? "

Howie stood up without emotion and stared at Lauren with hate. " Don't start, " he hissed and tried to walked past her, but she backed him against the wall. " What the hell is your problem?! "

" You're my problem, " Lauren spat, not allowing him to get away.

" You've got issues, now get out of my way. "

" You are going to listen to me wether you like it or not! "

Howie paused, taken aback by her outburt. " What do you want? "

" I want to know why you acted like such an ass to Staz. "

" I don't know what the hell you're talking about. "

" Bullshit Howie! Take your head out of your ass and use your brain! You have some nerve to tell Staz that you wish you never would have married her. She takes so much shit from you and that's what you tell her. "

" Bullshit. "

" That's right, you are bullshit. She loves you with all her heart and this is how you repay her. You don't fucking deserve her at all. "

Howie could feel the breath being taken away from him as he was punched in the stomach. He glared hurtfully at Lauren and then pushed past her, slamming out the dressing-room door.

Lauren turned around to find everyone staring on in shocked silence. Then Brian ran out of the room after Howie.

Chapter 46:

Everyone still had shocked looks on their faces as Chase held onto Alexandria's little hand. She looked shocked at the way her father left the room, then she looked to her mother. Who was in tears.

"Why did you just gutter-punch D?" Kevin asked as Nastasia began to cry harder. She was usually a strong person, but when it came to affairs of the heart she was jello. She couldn't handle the pressures.

"Because he's a total jackass." AJ replied coolly, hugging Lauren tightly. Telling her to calm herself. She felt the tears threaten her eyes. She hated to see Nastasia in pain. She had been through those tramatic expirences too much.

"Why is he one?" Nick asked as he gently scooped Nastasia into his arms. Everyone hurt when Nastasia cried, something about her always weakened the boys. Alexandria began to wail also, which resulted in Denise picking her up and rocking her. Not that it helped.

"He told Staz he didn't want to be married to her anymore." Lauren replied quietly, which seemed to bring more tears to Nastasia's eyes.

"I would have killed him, but Lauren jumped in." AJ answered, becoming extremely protective of Nastasia. Just like he had been when they were little. Always to her rescue. Like her prince in shining armor.

"I'll marry you then Staz." Kevin answered with a reassuring smile. He looked to see Nastasia smile a little as Alexandria reached her arms out to her. She shrugged helplessly at Denise and took Alexandria.

"Thanks Kevvy. That's sweet." Nastasia answered as she sniffled a little. Alexandria began to sniffle too. Denise smiled, the girls were too much alike. "Shhh, Lex."

"I could hit Howie harder for you!" Nick piped in, wanting to do his part to make Nastasia feel better.

"Thanks...I think..."

"I'd take him up on that offer babe." AJ laughed.

"Would you like me to talk with him?" Denise asked as she wrapped her arms around Nastasia.

"Let him figure it out mom. It'll be fine." Nastasia whispered, not too sure of her own words. AJ felt his anger boil as Lauren rolled her eyes. Someone needed to put the sense into Howie.

"Well, why don't Nick and Kevin go warm up for tonight's show. We'll give Staz, Alex, and Laur some private time." Denise smiled as she cleared her throat. "Want me to take Lex and Chase."

"Chase, go with gramma." AJ ordered, not that he really had to force his son to stay with Denise.

"No, I want Lex." Nastasia whispered softly.

*******

"Are you sure you don't want us to talk with him?" AJ asked for the thousandth time as they sat down in a set of chairs. Alexandria cuddled to her mother tightly, abosorbing the warmness and security of her body.

"No, he's angry. Don't mess with him." Nastasia replied softly. Her mind drifting back to the hateful words which came from his mouth. She felt like her whole world was crashing down.

"I could damage his kneecaps." AJ offered again, making Lauren laugh.

"No JJ."

"Jezz, I never get to have fun."

"Why don't you tell him what's bothering you Staz?" Lauren asked, jumbling Nastasia's thoughts. She hated remembering the past. It was just the past.

"It's just the past. What could it possible have to do with the future?" Nastasia asked softly.

"Honey, it makes you who you are inside." Lauren answered.

"The way I see it...is I'm an infection." Nastasia responded quietly. AJ and Lauren jumped a bit from Nastasia's comment. Waiting for her to continue, "You see, people are full of joy when I'm not around. But when I'm around I drain their joy and push in depression. Howie never thought of killing himself until I got into the picture-"

"Staz, his suicide attempt was NOT your-"

"Don't Alexander. I know it was my fault. I should of known a marraige wouldn't work. Mostly because I'm the one who is in the marraige. I wish he could find someone better than me..."

"What are you saying?" Lauren gasped.

"You know what I'm saying." Nastasia answered softly. Wondering if she did really push through with it... What would happen to Alexandria? Would she go to him? Or her? She couldn't see her life without Alexandria, then again, she couldn't see her life without Howie.

"No, we don't." AJ responded.

"Divorce AJ. I'm talking about divorce."

*******

Brian tailed quickly after Howie, who seemed to be running. Finally he caught up to Howie, himself out of breath. Howie looked irritated as Brian turned him around.

"What?!" He hissed loudly.

"I want...to...talk..." Brian heaved.

"Work out much?" Howie smirked.

"No. Lauren...get...best...of...me." Brian gasped. Howie rolled his eyes as his anger seeped back in. His stomach hurt from Lauren's fist. He didn't think she could hit that hard.

"What's the matter D?" Brian asked as he regained his breath.

"Nastasia. That's my fucking problem." Howie answered.

"What? No love in the household?"

"Definitely no love. She doesn't care about me. It's been nothing but trouble since I married her. I don't even know why I asked her to marry me in the first place. I guess it was only because she had my child in her stomach."

"That's harsh D." Brian winced.

"But true."

"You love her though."

"I don't know about that anymore..." Howie winced. He watched as AJ walked up to him and Brian. He had heard Howie's last words. No doubt he was burning with anger because of it.

"Staz is camping in mom's room tonight. Lex will be there with her." AJ answered huffly. Anger matching Howie's anger. Brian didn't know what to do as he shifted uncomfortably.

"Fine, I don't want to see her anyway." Howie responded, acting more like a middle school aged boy. AJ felt his anger flare again. Howie was being foolish. AJ knew he was screwing it up with a great girl, who only wanted love and affection. That's all she desired in life.

"You don't love her huh?" AJ replied sarcastically.

"I don't know anymore. I don't even know who she is! All you guys do is cover her tracks! Burying her in a sea of lies, me drowning in them."

"She had a tough life." AJ responded.

"And I have a rough marraige!" Howie spat back.

"Dorough, you're so blind!" AJ hissed.

"About what? I'm finally seeing things clearly!" Howie threw back, his dark eyes challenging AJ's eyes.

"Guys..." Brian called nervously.

"Staz just told me she's thinking of divorce stupid."

Chapter 47:

Howie stopped for a second, his blood running cold. Had he heard A.J right? No, he couldn't have. No possible way. " That's not fucking funny! " he hissed, his eyes turning darker.

" You think I'm joking? " A.J laughed cruely.

" Nastasia put you up to this. It isn't fucking funny and you can tell her that. " Howie's breathing became shakey as he stared at his friend. He couldn't believe this...

" Maybe if you would pull your head out of your ass, you would realize I'm not joking, " A.J hissed, his anger level rising with each second that Howie wouldn't listen.

" That's not true, no, it's not, " Howie mumbled, shaking his head as he broke his gaze away from A.J. He could feel himself growing weak as A.J's words began to sink in.

" Wether you want to believe it or not, it is. But I don't see why you would care. Like you said, you don't love her anymore. You wish you would have never married her in the first place, so Stazzie talking about divorce should make you happy. "

Brian stood there silently, wincing at the harsh words A.J was spitting at his friend. Everything had shocked him and he didn't know what to say.

" I... "

" You what? "

" I... "

" You what? Spit it out D, or maybe you can't because it's a lie. What, are you trying to say that you care now? Well, that's hard to believe and I can't say that I believe you, and that's nobody's fault but you're own. " The harsh words began flowing from A.J's mouth without his realization. He was just so angry that his mind wasn't running straight anymore. " You know something, I can't believe you would even treat Stazzie this way. You've really shocked me, after all she's been through for you. Damnit D, she loves you to death, and she committed her life to you the day she married your sorry ass. "

Howie backed against the wall as A.J verbally smacked him in the face, in all, it was more painful than if A.J would have physically smacked him. He could feel his eyes began to water, but he tried with all his might to hold it back.

" I thought you were different man. You're just pathetic, that's what you are. Let me tell you something, this is going to be the biggest mistake you've ever made in your whole life, and it's going to be one that you're not going to be able to fix. You're going to lose Stazzie and you're going to lose your daughter, all because you were too fucking stubborn to chill and leave well enough alone when you should of. "

Howie slid to the floor slowly as all reality set in. He felt dizzy as his head exploded with thoughts of everything that had happened. Their honeymoon and the first time he had discovered the scar, that damn scar. And how they had gotten in fights over it, he had caused the fights. Then he tried to end it all, his car, the tree. He had the chance, he was going to take that chance, but he didn't.

" Oh god... " Howie choked as a tear slid down his flushed cheek. His whole body began to ache. He shook greatly as sobs over-took him and he began to cry freely, his anger melting away like the sun beating down on a patch of snow.

A.J bit his lower lip and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself. Maybe he had gone a little too far with his choice of words and he shouldn't have said all that he had said.

" D... "

" I should have ended it all, I had...I had the chance to end it all but I didn't, because I loved...I loved her. But I should have ended it all... " Howie sobbed, burrying his head in his hands. " I-it would have been better if I would have ended it... "

" What? " Brian asked with surprise, the worry coating his voice.

" I should have ended it, I should have... "

" You guys have got five minutes, " the stage manager stated as he rushed by, not paying attention to the fact that there was something wrong with Howie.

" Don't talk like that D, you shouldn't have ended it and you're not going to. I am not gonna stand by and watch you try to take your life again, that's just not gonna happen. You got it? " Brian ordered as he became more worried and bent down, placing his hands on Howie's shoulders. " Listen to me D, you got it?! "

Howie tried to take in a deep breath, but it only came short and shakey, and his eyes shut, he didn't want to face his friends, he didn't deserve them as friends. Lauren was right; he didn't deserve Nastasia.

" D, open your eyes and listen to me! " Brian ordered again as he smacked Howie's face a bit. " You aren't going to give up on this 'cause I ain't gonna let you. You are NOT going to give up. "

Howie nodded slightly, still not looking directly at Brian. He was too far lost in his own thoughts.

" Ok, I know you don't want to hear this, but we've got a show to do. And you're going to get up, calm yourself down so you don't make a fool out of yourself up on stage, and you're going to go out there and give an awesome performance. You're going to go out there and focus on nothing but performing, because after this show, we are going to get everything settled. Nothing else will be acceptable, got it? "

" Yeah, " Howie said hoarsly, his voice barely audible.

" C'mon D, you're gonna do great, " Brian tried to encourage as he helped his friend up. Howie needed all the encouragement he could get.

*****

It was far from the best concert they had ever given. Their harmonies were fine, but the energy level was down a bit. Nastasia wasn't into the dancing at all and it looked like she would rather be anywhere else but there.

The whole time Howie kept a steady watch on her, wishing with all his heart that it was he who was dancing with her. But it wasn't.

Everyone felt relieved to be back at the hotel after the concert. Everyone could use some relaxation time. They had all headed to their rooms once they arrived at the hotel.

" Hello? " A.J called as he walked into his mother's hotel room. He had a lot on his mind and he needed to talk.

Alexandria giggled as she crawled over to him, begging to be picked up.

A.J obliged and scooped up the child, lifting her shirt and giving her raspberries on her tummy. " You are such a little rugrat, " he laughed as he placed her back down. Then he walked over to Nastasia who was laying on one of the beds and staring at the tv absentmindedly. " How ya feelin' Stazzie? "

" Like shit JJ, like complete shit because my life is crashing around me, " Nastasia mumbled.

A.J sat down beside her. " This is gonna work out... "

" I wish I could believe that JJ... "

" It's going to work out Stazzie. "

Just then, the door opened and Denise walked in, carrying two cans of pop. " Hey Alex... "

" Can I speak to you out in the hall for a minute Mom? "

Denise nodded and A.J escorted her out the door.

" Is everything alright? "

" It's depends on what you're talking about. Listen, I need you to do me an important favor. "

" What would that be? "

" Go talk to Howie. "

" Why? "

" Because he needs someone like you to talk to and...I said some stuff to him earlier tonight. "

" What did you say? "

" Probably some stuff I shouldn't have said. "

Denise frowned at her son, knowing he could say some harsh stuff when he was angry. " Alex...what did you say? "

" Some stuff I probably shouldn't have, " A.J repeated. " But I'm worried about him. He - well, I just think you need to go talk to him, his life could depend on it... "

" Alex, what do you mean? " Denise asked with great worry in her voice.

" He started talking about suicide... "

Denise's heart stopped as her eyes grew wide with worry. " Oh god... "

" Will you go talk to him? "

" Yes, of course. I'm going right now. "

*****

Howie buried his head deeper into the pillow as he lay resting on one side of the bed. The moment he had stepped foot back into the hotel, he headed straight to his hotel room and locked the door. He was aching badly, aching from everything he had done wrong, every problem he had caused.

All he could think about was what A.J had said before the concert. It all hurt so bad, but that was because it was the truth and he was facing it.

'...but I don't see why you would care. Like you said, you don't love her anymore. You wish you would have never married her in the first place, so Stazzie talking about divorce should make you happy...I can't believe you would even treat Stazzie this way. You've really shocked me, after all she's been through for you. Damnit D, she loves you to death, and she committed her life to you the day she married your sorry ass...I thought you were different man. You're just pathetic, that's what you are. Let me tell you something, this is going to be the biggest mistake you've ever made in your whole life, and it's going to be one that you're not going to be able to fix. You're going to lose Stazzie and you're going to lose your daughter, all because you were too fucking stubborn to chill and leave well enough alone when you should of... '

Howie pounded his fist hard onto the bed as he cried out in agony as the words repeated themselves over and over in his tired head. He had deserved it though. He didn't deserve Nastasia and A.J was making him see that.

He couldn't imagine living his life without her, or his daughter. They were his whole life, they became a necessity he needed to live. He didn't even know what kind of evil possessed him when he said he wished he never would have married her. Because those words weren't true. They weren't his words.

But it was obvious Nastasia had already made up her mind. He had hurt her again emotionally and now she hated him. She was through with him and wanted a divorce, all because he pushed her too hard to tell him something that she didn't want to tell, all because he was worried. Not only was he losing his soul mate, he was losing his daughter, his pride and joy. He didn't want to go on living without either of them.

A sudden knock at the door made Howie jump up to the sitting position with surprise. He stared in a zombie like form at the door, not making a move to answer it.

" Howie, it's Denise! " Denise called from the other side of the door as she kept knocking.

" Go away, " Howie whispered, his eyes welling up with tears. He didn't want to see or talk to anyone. He just wanted everything to end. He wanted to put an end to it.

" Howard, open the door! " Denise called again, she began to pound on the door.

Howie just sat there staring.

" Howard Dwaine Dorough! Open this door right NOW! " Denise shouted as she pounded on the door harder, her heart beating rapidly with panic.

Finally, Howie forced himself to stand up and walk over to the door. He fumbled with the lock, for his hand was shaking, but he was finally able to open it. He stumbled backwards as the door flew open and Denise walked in.

" I don't want to talk right now, " Howie found himself grumbling as he stared at the floor.

" I don't care wether you want to or not. We're going to talk because you need to, " Denise stated firmly, but softly as she shut the door. She guided Howie over to the bed and they sat down.

" I don't need to talk, I'm fine. "

" Sweetie, when you talk about suicide, you are not fine. "

Howie scuffed. " So A.J told you huh? "

" Yes, and thank God he did. "

Howie shook his head angrily. " Of course, anything that is about me or somebody else, you tell about. But if it's about Nastasia, it's all secrets and lies! "

" Howie, that's- "

" No, it's the truth so don't try to deny it, damnit. "

" Howie- "

" No, geez. Why are you here anyways? "

" Because I want to know what's on your mind and what you're feeling. I'm not going to sit around and let you hurt yourself or even worse, take your own life. "

" I don't see why you would want to know. I figured you'd hate me after all I've done... "

" Sweetheart, I don't hate you. I never have and I never will. I'm just dissappointed about your actions you've made. "

" Isn't everyone. "

" With that attitude, yes. "

" That's not surprising. Everyone is against me. "

" That's not true. "

" Well that's surprising. "

" They're just as surprised as I am. "

Howie looked away and rested his elbows on his knees, letting out a sad sigh. He was feeling more crappy with every passing second, he longed to be with his love, and he missed his daughter terribly, even though he had seen her before they arrived back at the hotel.

" I was only worried about her, " he whispered, not able to get himself to look up at Denise.

" I know you were, and I know you still are, " Denise replied, watching Howie with worry. " And I know you still love her... "

Howie nodded slowly without a word, then he looked up at Denise, his eyes filled with fresh tears. He was losing control again.

" I don't want to lose her. I don't want to lose Stazzie, Denise. I don't want to lose Alexandria. I can't bere to think about not having them in my life. They're everything I live for, they're the reason I wake up every morning and breath. I can't live without them, I...can't... " Howie sobbed, his voice breaking and he began to cry as Denise wrapped her arms around him.

Chapter 48:

Nastasia sat gloomily on the bed as AJ came back in. Alexandria was playing on the floor, she seemed to be casted in a state of depression too. Following her mother's emotions. Something very special between the two.

"You okay babe?" AJ asked softly as he sat on the bed next to Nastasia. She clicked off the TV and turned to face AJ. She seemed to be deep in thought.

"I was thinking...when I file divorce papers...Should I just give Alexandria to Howie?" Nastasia asked seriously, taking AJ back a few steps.

"What?" He asked.

"She loves him more than me. She'd be devastated living with me and without her father. I think it'd scar her...emotionally..." Nastasia replied softly, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Alexia loves you." AJ whispered.

"I don't think I can be a good mother...after all...look what kind of family I have..." Nastasia laughed cruely, her whole family had started this mess. Her past had come back around to bite her again.

"Your saying mom was a bad mom?" AJ asked.

"You know what I'm saying JJ." Nastasia snapped back.

"You know Howie's upset." AJ replied.

"You know he doesn't love me anymore." Nastasia replied as she stood up and walked over to where her clothing was piled. She had taken it out of Howie's room as soon as she got back from the concert. She sifted through massive amounts of clothing as AJ watched her.

"He does-"

"Not."

"Nastasia Anne Dorough!" AJ yelled, frustrated with her naive comments.

"It's not Dorough anymore." Nastasia replied.

"Nastasia-"

"Do you think mom would mind if I took off for a few hours?" Nastasia replied, changing the subject quickly as she placed an outfit out on the bed.

"Where the hell are you going at this hour?" AJ moaned.

"Out. I need a drink."

"You shouldn't be drinking when you feel-"

"Stop being my dad AJ!" Nastasia yelled loudly, causing AJ to back off a bit.

"What about Lex?"

"Howie can take care of her. He might as well get used to it." Nastasia replied carefully as she started to get dressed.

*****

Lauren sat on her bed. She was still uneasy, Nastasia refused to speak with anyone. Even her best friend. Something seemed terribly wrong with her, usually she opened up to Lauren.

Lauren fell back onto the bed as the phone rang. She yawned as she picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Lauren, glad I caught you."

Lauren felt her heart grow cold. Devon.

"What?"

"Why so impatient?"

"Because my husband isn't too fond of you."

"Is he there?"

"No."

"Then you can talk with me."

"Devon-"

"Are you going to meet me at New York?"

"I love AJ too much."

"What does he have to do with us?"

"Everything." Lauren replied, gritting her teeth. Her anger seething into every part of her body.

"But-"

"Gotta go!" Lauren replied as AJ burst into the room. He looked to see Lauren throw the phone onto the nearby bed. He glanced at her curiously.

"Who was it babe?" AJ asked as Lauren threw her arms affectionantly around his neck.

"Wrong number."

"You've been getting a lot of those..."

"I love you..." Lauren purred.

"But-"

He never had time to finish, because Lauren's lips were pressed tightly to his. He let his hands rest on her hips, kissing her back. He loved that.

*******

Denise had finished talking with Howie about ten minutes later. He was convinced to speak with Nastasia and sort out their problems. He wanted her back, he missed her terribly.

"Lauren? Is Staz in there?" Howie asked softly as he peeked into AJ and Lauren's hotel room. Alexandria was playing with Chase on one of the beds. AJ and Lauren were talking quietly, Lauren quickly leaned over and gave AJ a small kiss.

"No, I don't-"

"Forget it!" Howie answered quickly as he saw Denise's door slam shut. He looked to see Nastasia walking out the door. "NASTASIA!"

Nastasia snapped back, the voice had frightened her. She looked to see Howie running her way. She frowned, he probably wanted to yell at her some more.

But she waited and fingered the rings on her hand. The ones Howie had gave her, which were supposed to represent the love he had for her. They seemed tarnished now.

"Stazzie." Howie called as he ran up to her. She stood there, still fingering the rings. Howie felt his breath be taken away as he looked at her.

Nastasia wore a tight black mini-skirt with a green tube top, bringing her ocean eyes out. Her long blonde hair let down, swaying softly. She looked sexy, although Howie knew it wasn't for him.

"What?" She asked softly, anger still burning in her voice.

"I want to say-"

"Lex is all yours. Don't even worry about it. She's with Lauren, waiting for you. I decided you can have full custody of her...I'll call when I want to see her." Nastasia replied, her words hitting Howie harder than ever.

"Staz, I-"

"You don't have to say it. Here." Nastasia replied as she pulled the rings from her finger. The sapphire ring he had given her as an engagement ring. Then the wedding band the words, "Love Always" inscripted on it.

"These-"

"Are yours. You gave them to me out of the love in your heart. It hurts me too much to have them. They represented the love you promised me, but since there was never love...why should I keep them?" Nastasia asked, her voice choking as tears threatened her gentle eyes.

"Staz I-"

"I'm going out. Not that you care. I'm in a hurry. So, excuse me." Nastasia replied, as she pushed passed him. Howie fell to the floor sobbing, although Nastasia never looked back.

"I love you Staz." Howie replied softly.

*******

"Howie?" Lauren called softly, she heard yelling in the hallway. AJ and her walked to the hallway to see Howie sobbing on the floor. AJ knew Nastasia had given him the rings.

"Wha?" Howie choked out, his sobs catching him. Sending him into a fit full of shivers. Lauren bent down and held him tightly, knowing Nastasia was aching just as badly.

"Are you okay?" Lauren whispered.

"I want to die..." Howie choked again.

"No you don't."

"Yes I do." Howie sobbed.

"Where is Staz?" Kevin asked as he walked into the hallway, seeing the mass of people. He winced as AJ frowned. He knew this wasn't good.

"She went out." AJ answered.

"You knew?!" Howie spat.

"D, stop." Lauren pleaded.

"Where'd she go?" Kevin asked.

"Down to the MoonLight club. She said she wanted a stiff drink..." AJ replied, worry casting in his eyes as Lauren shot up from Howie.

"A drink?!" Lauren whispered.

"That's what she told me. Although I'm thinking it'll be more than a drink..." AJ answered back, knowing it was her father that was soaring through her blood. His temper was driving her insane. She hated confrontations, a result from the abuse from her father.

"She's going to be hammered..." Lauren whispered back, fear ringing through her voice. "She's bound to want to drive home...and kill herself... Or some guy will take advantage of her and she'll end up in his backseat..."

"Not if I'm there." Kevin replied as he fished in his pockets, finding the car keys. They had rented a car for a day. He felt strongly attached to Nastasia, as did Nick. They'd do anything to help her out.

"You'll get her?" Lauren asked hopefully.

"Yes," Kevin replied, "She's too beautiful to go down like that."

"Thanks Kev." AJ whispered as Kevin ran down the hall. He looked back to Lauren, who still seemed shocked by Nastasia's reaction to the whole fight. "We'll lock Howie and her in a room when she comes home."

"Come on Howie." Lauren whispered as she helped him to his feet. He was still sobbing, which made Lauren feel worse.

"I miss her." Howie whispered.

"Me too." Lauren replied, "Let's wait in my room for her to come home. Okay?"

Chapter 49:

Howie barely had the strength to walk the few feet across the hall to A.J and Lauren's room. When Nastasia had handed him the rings, it had drained all his strength out of him. He could barely walk as his body was still shaking from his quiet sobs.

A.J quickly opened the door as Lauren steadied Howie as he walked through. It was less than a minute after they had walked through the door when Alexandria spotted her father.

Alexandria began to fuss when she saw the expression on her father's face and she waited impatiently for him to come over and pick her up.

Howie stared at his child, her beautiful face, so much like her mother's and he burst into fresh tears, beginning to collapse towards the floor, but Lauren caught him just in time. " D, sit down, " she ordered gently, helping him over to the bed that the kids were playing on, hoping that his daughter being with him, would help him, even if just a little bit.

Alexandria began to fuss louder as she crawled over to the sobbing man before her. She climbed onto his lap and tried to stand up, using his shaking arm to balance herself. She stared into his watering brown eyes, and her tiny bottom lip began to quiver as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

Howie instantly wrapped his arms around his daughter's small body and hugged her close to him. Pulling back an inch, he kissed her forehead and took in a deep breath of air as he hugged her again, trying to calm his nerves. Having his daughter with him seemed to help him a bit.

" Where's Aunt Stazzie? " Chase asked curiously as he looked at his uncle cradling his baby cousin. He had no idea of what was going on, but he knew his Aunt had been extremely unhappy lately and very upset, and his uncle seemed to be the same way too. When he didn't get an answer, he frowned and asked again. " Uncle Howie, w-where's Aunt Stazzie? "

" She left... " Howie choked, clearing his throat as he tried to stay calm.

" Where'd she go? "

" Out... "

" I miss her, she should come back! Why has she been so sad? "

" Because of me... " Howie answered quietly as another tear slid down his cheek. Chase stared on in confusion.

" I want you to stay here until Stazzie gets back, ok Howie? " Lauren asked quietly as she stepped in front of him, feeling bad for the way she had treated him earlier that night; she had just been angry. But now she was completely worried about him. She'd be damned to let him be alone until he and Stazzie had worked out their problems.

Howie looked up at Lauren, a mysterious, saddened gleam in his eyes. " You see these? " he asked, shoving the two rings up towards her face. They gleamed from the light of the lamps. " She isn't coming back...not to me at least... "

" Keep talking like that, and she won't come back, " Lauren whispered as she pushed the rings back to him. " Have faith in this relationship Howie. If you truely love her, then you aren't going to give up on what the two of you have and you're going to prove that to her. "

" You gonna be ok D? " A.J asked as he leaned against the wall, Chase running over to him and jumping into his arms.

" I'd be lying if I said yes, " Howie mumbled, but backed off when he caught the glare from Lauren. He wiped the tears from his eyes and looked back at A.J. " The best I could be in a situation like this. Thanks. "

" Anytime Bro. "

*****

It had taken Kevin longer than he had expected to reach the club Nastasia had gone to. But he was glad when he got there. He burst through the club doors and had to allow his eyes to adjust to all the darkness and flashing lights.

Finally, he began to make his way through the large crowd of people in search of Nastasia. He could only think of two places of where he could find her; that being either out on the dance floor or up at the bar. He scanned the sea of people out on the dance floor and then made his way up to the bar.

When he didn't see her up there, he sighed and took a seat on one of the stools at the counter.

" What can I getcha? " the bartender asked, walking over and wiping his hands on a white towel.

" Huh? " Kevin asked in an absentminded tone, he hadn't been paying attention.

" What can I getcha to drink? " the bartender repeated.

Kevin thought for a minute. He hadn't come to drink, he had come to get Nastasia, but he figured he could use a beer, just one while he continued his search. " I'll take a coors. "

" On the tap or in a bottle? "

" Bottle. "

" There ya go, " the bartender said as he flung the bottle across the counter to Kevin. " Hey, wait a minute, you look like one of those guys from that one boy group, um, what's their names, the Backstreet Boys? "

" So I've been told, " Kevin chuckled lightly and lowered the baseball cap on his head that he was wearing. Not like it was helping much.

" You looking for someone? "

" Huh? "

" You seem to be looking for someone, she your girl? "

Kevin shot the bartender an odd look. " Uh, no, she's not. But she's the wife of a good friend of mine. I came to get her before she did any damage. "

" Good luck... "

Kevin gave a slight nod of the head and hopped off the stool, clutching his beer in one hand and venturing into the crowd on the dance floor, trying to make his way to the other side.

It wasn't long before he reached the other side of the crowd and found himself staring up at a familiar figure making her way onto the top of a table and dancing. He moaned, knowing this wasn't good. Just by the look of her, he could tell she was blasted.

He began walking towards the table, which was now surrounded by guys who were hooting and hollering up at the beauty dancing.

" Stazzie! " he tried calling but was unable to get her attention. He moved closer until he was up with the other guys at a table. " Excuse, " he stated as he pushed one guy out of the way and reached up to grab Nastasia's arm. He pulled her down from the table, causing her stumble a bit and almost fall.

Nastasia glared up at Kevin, her eyes turning dark as she became angry in her drunken state. " What the HELL is your problem?! "

" I'm taking you back to the hotel right now, " Kevin answered, not letting go of her arm.

" Get your hands off me! " Nastasia yelled as she tried to tug her arm away, but was unable to succeed.

" No, we're leaving now. "

" LET GO OF ME! "

" Hey buddy, she said to let go, " a tall man, nearing Kevin's height stated, pushing him backwards.

Kevin glared at him, but grabbed Nastasia's arm again. " C'mon, we're going now. "

" LEAVE ME ALONE! "

" Let her go! " the man shouted as he shoved Kevin backwards again.

Kevin, becoming angry and frustrated, lunged at the man and punched him straight in the jaw, knocking him to the ground. " Fuck off, " Kevin hissed as he turned back around to face Nastasia, but as soon as he had, the man jumped up and smacked him in the back of the head. Kevin went to turn around to strike back, but was met by a punch to the jaw. He stumbled backwards and nearly fell to floor. Bringing a trembling hand up to his lip, he felt the warm trickle of blood. He was not the one to fight, and he was in no means needing to get arrested, so he grabbed Nastasia and began pulling her away, surprised that she wasn't resisting anymore.

*****

" Get in the car, " Kevin snapped as he opened the door to the rental car so Nastasia could climb in.

" No, I'll drive back myself, " Nastasia hissed as she tried to walk away, but she stumbled.

" The hell you will. You can barely walk, let alone drive. Get in the car now, " Kevin ordered as he grabbed her arm and pulled her back to the opening and helped her in. He shut the door and brought a hand up to his throbbing lip, wiping away more blood. He grumbled and walked around to the driver's side. Getting in, he started the engine and peeled out of the club parking-lot.

Nastasia moaned as she closed her eyes and leaned back in the seat. Bringing a hand up to her forehead, she moaned again. " I think I drank too much... "

" Oh, you think... " Kevin replied sarcastically.

" What the hell is your problem? " Nastasia questioned as she tried to make herself more comfortable, but she wasn't having any luck and she was beginning to feel extremely queezy.

" Nothing is my problem, " Kevin grumbled, though it was a lie.

" That's bullshit... "

" What were you planning on doing tonight? " Kevin asked suddenly. He had never seen her act this way before and he was worried.

" None of your business! " Nastasia hissed, becoming irritated.

Kevin quickly pulled over where it was safe to do so and killed the enginge. He turned hastily in his seat and stared at Nastasia. " None of my business? "

" Yeah, you heard me. "

" What is wrong with you Stazzie? "

" Nothing is wrong with me. "

" That's a lie. Tell me what's wrong? "

" You should know what's fucking wrong with me. "

" Why are you acting like this? "

" Because I can! Why the hell do you care? "

" I shouldn't have to answer that, " Kevin answered quietly. He stared hurtfully at Nastasia then turned his attention back to the road and started the car again, pulling away from the curb and continuing on his way back to the hotel.

Chapter 50:

Kevin drove to the hotel in complete silence. Nastasia kept her eyes closed and she became more upset and sick. Kevin's heart ached, he had never seen Nastasia act like that. And it seemed a little weird, she was usually so easy going. It scared him.

"Staz come on." Kevin grumbled softly as he helped her up. She moaned softly as he looped his arms around her. His lip was becoming swollen, blood still trickling out of it.

"Thanks..." She grumbled incoherently. Kevin sighed, he hated seeing her like this. He even managed to get her up to their floor of rooms, but her stomach kicked in. "Kevin...I think I'm going..."

"To what?" Kevin asked as they neared Lauren and AJ's bedroom.

"Puke." Nastasia gulped as she turned green. Kevin cursed as he burst into Lauren and AJ's room. Everyone jumped with surprise as Nastasia ran quickly into the bathroom. She shut the door with a slam, and all you heard was wretching sounds.

*******

"What happened?" Howie asked quietly as the sounds continued. Lauren didn't know what to do, she knew Nastasia was sick and her emotions running wild. But she wanted to know what happened at the bar.

"She was smashed." Kevin answered. His eyes were darker than usual. Lauren knew he was upset as Alexandria trembled in Howie's arms. She and Chase were both confused with the actions of the adults.

"And your lip Kev?" Lauren asked as Chase crawled into his father's arms. Scared by the reactions from Nastasia and Kevin. He didn't know what to think.

"One guy got a little upset when I wanted to take Staz home." Kevin murmured.

"What was she doing?" Howie asked softly. His heart still aching. He couldn't stop crying since the rings were given to him. He knew he'd never have another lover like Nastasia, and he wouldn't want anyone else.

"Dancing on a table." Kevin answered quietly as he bent his head down in sorrow.

"I can't believe it..." AJ murmured. The thoughts of Nastasia's father flooding back into his mind. He shivered. That was when Nastasia was hurt worse, when he was drunk.

"I made her do that?" Howie asked softly, his eyes casting with hurt again. He felt the rings in his pocket, it hurt so badly. He just wanted to speak with her.

"Howie, you didn't make her do anything." Lauren answered as another loud wretching sound came from the bathroom. Making Howie feel worse. Then they heard the sounds of sobbing.

"I have to make sure she's okay." Howie whispered as he stood up and walked calmly into the bathroom. Sobs catching in his throat as he watched her puke. Something inside tore him to pieces and he tried to help.

********

Nastasia couldn't remember anything. All she knew was that she ran into the bathroom, releasing all her sorrow. Flushing it down the toilet.

As she continued to sob and vomit she felt soft hands on her back. Carressing her softly as she let it all out. Rubbing her back softly, whispering kind words in her ear. She knew the sound of the voice, but her head was too fuzzy to think of who it was.

Soon everything went black.

*****

"What the HELL are you doing?!" Nastasia heard as she watched her father's truck halt to a stop. She was walking home from school with AJ. She felt her heart pound as AJ watched carfully.

"I'm walking home." Nastasia replied quietly as her father jumped out of the car. He slammed the door hard and stomped over to her and AJ.

She could smell the alcohol on his breath. His eyes were dark and angry. She knew her mother was at work, so he had to find Nastasia. To release his agression.

"What the fuck? You were planning on going to that boy's house weren't you? What were you planning?" He growled.

"Mr. Notez, I assure you-" AJ tried, but was stopped quickly.

"Shut the hell up you!" He glared, AJ shut up." Were you planning on fucking the hell out of him?"

"No daddy."

"Liar. Just what I need, white trash! What the hell am I supposed to do with a white trashy daughter! I swear I was never the father of you to begin with!" He growled as he slapped her hard on the face. "GET IN THE CAR!"

"No daddy!" Nastasia moaned as he grabbed a fistful of Nastasia's light hair. She yelped as he shoved her towards the car. She hit with a slam, and he opened the door.

"Get in!" Her father hissed.

"Daddy please." Nastasia whispered, but no use. Within a few moment he had pushed her into the car. She yelped loudly as AJ winced. Nastasia kept her hand on the door. "Daddy stop."

"Move your hand trash."

"Daddy."

"Daddy my ass!" He roared as he slammed the door shut. Nastasia wailed as she felt the door connect with Nastasia's wrist. AJ winced as she managed to pry the door open.

"Daddy, you broke my hand..." Nastasia whimpered as tears trickled down her cheeks. She could smell the alcohol again and bottles of beer layering the floor.

"I don't care about your damn hand."

********

Nastasia woke up, drenched in sweat. She felt her heart continue to pound harder. She sat up straight, a sob catching in her throat. Her head pounding.

She looked around, there was Alexandria cuddled beside her. She ached to know where she was. Then Howie was propped up against the bed, sleeping. She looked to see herself in Howie's room. She gulped down a sob, remembering their fight.

Slowly Nastasia climbed out of bed. Her head throbbed, she knew she had been smashed last night. Her walking was less than perfect. Somehow she managed to get into her and Denise's room.

After she managed to dress she heard a soft tap on the door. She moaned loudly as her head throbbed. She opened it to see Kevin standing there.

"Hey Kevvy." Nastasia answered softly.

"How do you feel?" Kevin asked softly as Nastasia looked at his lip, it was swollen and cut. A rush of feelings over washed her body. She choked down a sob, knowing she was the cause of Kevin's injury.

"I'm so sorry Kevvy." Nastasia whimpered as the sobs burst. He looked surprised as he hugged her tightly. Trying to calm the sobs that were racking her body.

"It's okay..."

"I shouldn't have gone. I'm so much like him. I never want to be him. I cause bad things. I'm so sorry Kevvy. I didn't want you to get hurt. I love you. Please don't be mad at me." Nastasia managed to call out, between sobs.

"Shh, it's okay. I love you too." Kevin smiled as he placed a tender kiss on her forehead. He watched as everyone assembled into the hallway.

Howie was holding Alexandria tightly. Lauren seemed a little jumpy today. They were going to New York, then they would stay for three days. The last day being a free day. Lauren seemed extremely nervous. AJ was even becoming worried.

"I'm so sorry Kevvy." Nastasia whimpered as he pulled her up. She stood as another sob caught. He gave her a long hug, not letting go.

"It's okay. I'm fine. Just next time you want to get smashed...tell me first... We'll make it a date." Kevin whispered as Howie walked over, the rings still in his pocket.

He hoped she wouldn't tear his heart to pieces, refusing to speak with him. He would just end it there if she did. He knew Alexandria was aching to see her mother also. Of course Nastasia looked perfect as he approached.

She looked beautiful, but her eyes showed her pain and hangover. She wore a pair of jean floods with a bright green tank top, reaching her belly button. Her long hair thrown into a messy bun.

"Staz?" Howie asked softly. Nastasia turned to him, her eyes casting into sadness. She felt her heart break, wishing he would just hug her. "Can we talk in the back of the bus when we leave?"

Nastasia only nodded.

Chapter 51:

Nastasia walked hesitantly onto the bus. She knew Howie was waiting in the back for her. She didn't know if she had the heart to go back there and face him. She didn't want to face the fact that they were probably divorcing. Thinking that was what he wanted to talk about.

Besides the fact that her head was throbbing with pain from the hangover, her heart began to pound harder with each step she took. It seemed to take her forever to get to the back room of the bus, and once she finally did, she saw that the door was closed. She just stood there staring, knowing Howie was inside, still waiting for her. Raising a shakey hand, she clutched the door knob and turned it.

Nastasia peered inside. Howie sat on the couch. Holding the rings she had forced into his face. All she wanted to do was run, and never come back.

Howie looked up from the rings and found himself staring face to face with her, and his eyes filled with sorrow, but he gulped it back and looked down, he didn't know what to say and only hoped she would.

"What did you want to talk about?" Nastasia asked quietly, not sure of how to act. She shifted uncomforably as she wrung her hands together. Her one finger bear, no more rings.

Howie opened his mouth to say something, but his voice caught in his throat and he closed his mouth again. This wasn't easy. He could only think to sigh and that probably didn't help.

"It's nice having a conversation by myself." Nastasia replied as she collapsed onto the couch, the one on the other side of the room. Far enough away from Howie to make her comfortable. She couldn't think straight, she only wanted to go home.

" You said one thing, how can you call that having a conversation by yourself, " Howie mumbled, fumbling the rings between two fingers.

"It's a nice conversation in my head." Nastasia replied softly.

" I don't even know what to say to you anymore, " Howie whispered, hating that he said it.

"Fine, the feeling's the same." Nastasia answered, not knowing what else to say. She didn't know what to say, it made her nervous. She loved him so much, but didn't know how to say it.

" Glad to know the feeling's mutual, " Howie grumbled, looking away from her. He now knew what he wanted to say, and it was only three simple words that meant so much, but those words wouldn't form in his mouth, for a reason unknown to him.

"Look, what did you want me for? This is useless." Nastasia replied sadly.

" Is that the way you're gonna look at it? "

"Look at what? "

" Us. "

"I don't understand Howie..."

" You think I do? "

"Can you just tell me what's wrong with you?" Nastasia asked as she sat up on the couch and faced Howie.

" What's wrong with me?! What's wrong with you?! "

"Stop turning things around on me!"

" I'm not! "

"Howie, please. I don't want to fight. I just want to know what's wrong with you." Nastasia replied, her head pounding. She bent her head and softly rubbed her temples.

" There's nothing wrong with me damnit! But you- "

"BUT ME WHAT?!" Nastasia replied, her anger rising as she stood up. She stumbled a bit, a little unsteady on her feet.

" BUT YOU'RE THE ONE WITH THE PROBLEM! "

"That is low Howie. I do not have a problem." Nastasia whispered hoarsley. Her eyes turning a dark color.

" Then why the HELL have you been treating me so shitty? If you don't have a problem? "

"I haven't been! What have I done?!" Nastasia screamed back.

" You've been treating me like shit! That's what you've been doing! " Howie yelled, standing up abruptly.

"How?" Nastasia asked, standing her ground as he jumped up.

" I fucking care about you, and you fucking lie to me! Then you get all fucking pissed off at me about it! Take some freaking Mydol and chill! "

"Fuck off."

" Fuck off yourself! "

"Fine, I don't understand what I ever saw in you to begin with." Nastasia spat back.

" That hurt Nastasia, that really hurt. "

"And telling me I've been treating you like crap, I have a problem, and that I need to take Mydol and chill is something that doesn't hurt?"

" That's your own damn fault! "

"Thanks Howie. Thanks a lot." Nastasia replied, not wanting to be here. "Can't you act civilized for two seconds?"

" Shouldn't I be asking YOU that? "

"STOP BLAMING EVERYTHING ON ME!"

" YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING TO ME, BUT WHAT, IT'S OK FOR YOU?! "

"I STARTED BY ASKING YOU WHAT THE HELL WAS WRONG WITH YOU! I WAS BEING SINCERE!"

" THAT WAS BEING SINCERE? THAT'S FUNNY... "

"God! No wonder I want a divorce!" Nastasia screamed out, she collapsed onto the couch. She didn't want to be there. She wished she were dead.

" Geez, what took you so long to make up your damn mind? "

"You being the ass you always were!" Nastasia suddenly screamed. She didn't want to take it any more. She hated the fighting. She didn't want to fight, she loved him. But why did he have to be so hard? Nastasia screamed out and walked out of the back, refusing to say another word. She screamed out with another shriek, everyone glancing her way.

" SEE?! THIS IS WHAT YOU ALWAYS DO! YOU WALK AWAY FROM YOUR PROBLEMS! YOU NEVER WANT TO FIX THEM! " Howie shouted after her as he followed her angrily.

Everyone glanced up as Howie was hot on her tail. She spun around to face him. Her eyes dark with anger, "WHAT?! How can I fix this problem when all you do is fucking rag on me?! I don't deserve this!"

" I don't always fucking rag on you! STOP THE DAMN LIES NASTASIA! "

"WHAT LIES?!"

" YOUR LIES! EVERY SINGLE LIE YOU'VE TOLD ME SINCE WE'VE BEEN MARRIED! "

Nastasia stayed silent. She couldn't believe what he had just said. Her mind whirled as Lauren shivered. The anger flaring between both her friends. She held onto AJ tightly.

" SEE?! YOU CAN'T DENY IT! I FUCKING CARED ABOUT YOU BUT YOU COULDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT! YOU COULD NEVER UNDERSTAND! I FUCKING CARED ABOUT YOU DAMNIT! I FUCKING CARED! " Howie shouted, his face turning a firey red. Tears began to well in his eyes and fall down his cheeks, surprising everyone, even Nastasia.

"Cared? And you think I didn't? The past is the past Howie. It has nothing to do with my future. I just wanted to protect you." Nastasia whispered, tears threatening her own eyes.

" PROTECT ME FROM WHAT DAMNIT?! I DON'T EVEN KNOW THAT MUCH! "

"My past! What I've suffered! I don't want pity Howie, I just want to be normal. I wanted to protect you from what I had to deal with my entire life."

" If you had actually ever loved me, you wouldn't have ever lied to me! "

"I do love you. I have loved you every day. I just wanted to forget. Forget that I had to hide every single day of my life. Hide from the man that gave me life Howie, because every single day he would try to take that life away." Nastasia whispered, shivering from the rememberance. Lauren felt tears sting in her own eyes.

" What are you talking about? " Howie asked, his voice coming out quiet and shakey.

"My father Howie. My father."

" What does he have to do with it? "

"Everything. That's my past Howie. That's everything I've hidden from you, what AJ and Lauren have kept secret. What mom kept secret. Do you know how long it took me to get away from the suicidal stages?"

Howie stood there stunned and trembling.

"That's my past. There's nothing I can do to change it. But I can do everything in my power to forget it. AJ and Lauren understood that, why can't you?"

" How could I if I didn't know what you were trying to forget about?! "

"Don't yell at me..." Nastasia whimpered, becoming weak.

" I'm not yelling at you! "

"There you go again." Nastasia answered softly.

" DAMNIT! I'm not yelling! "

"Howie, chill..." Kevin answered softly, noticing that Nastasia was shivering even worse.

" Fuck this, " Howie hissed under his breath and stormed to the bunk area, leaving everyone in shock.

"I love him Laurie...I do..." Nastasia whispered as sobs took over. Kevin sighed softly as he jumped up and wrapped his arms around Nastasia. She gave up, collapsing into his arms.

Chapter 52:

Nastasia was still upset about the outbursts from Howie. He had hurt her tremendously, although she refused to show it. She pressed a happy attitude, although everyone could see through it. Mostly AJ and Lauren.

They reached New York within a few hours. It was only eight in the evening, tomorrow would be the concert. They were free to do what they wanted tonight. Sleeping was prefered, but Nastasia was too adgitated to sit still.

"Laurie, want to go clubbin'?" Nastasia asked softly as she saw AJ and Lauren cuddled closely in their room. Nastasia felt lonely since the fight with Howie. Alexandria was the only one who seemed to do any good.

"Alex, you up for clubbing?" Lauren asked softly, knowing the only way for Nastasia to keep sane was dance. Something about it calmed her.

"No drinking." AJ answered as Kevin popped his head through the door. He looked and gave Nastasia a shy smile.

"I swear no drinking." Nastasia moaned, the head ache was just a dull pain at the moment. Kevin smiled as he placed a kiss on her cheek.

"Need a date?" He asked.

"Will you?" Nastasia asked sweetly.

"Duh." Kevin laughed.

"Where's Chase and Lex?" AJ asked as Nastasia hugged Kevin tightly.

"Mom kicked me out of the room. She said she has them and I'm not to bother her at all. Or I will be forced into a grounding." Nastasia answered.

"Man, that's a shame." AJ laughed.

"So, we can go?" Nastasia asked.

"Definitely!" Lauren laughed.

*******

Howie sulked in his room the entire night. He couldn't believe the words that had flowed from his mouth, nor could he believe what Nastasia had said to him. All he had done was sob.

"Howie, you alive?" A soft voice called from the door. Howie rolled onto his back to see Denise enter with Chase and Alexandria. Alexandria squealed as soon as she saw Howie, toddling over to him to hug him tightly. He invited the embrace, although hated the thought that the child looked so much like Nastasia.

"Where is Nastasia? Isn't she supposed to have Lex?" Howie asked.

"I took her and Chase-"

"Mom, dad, Auntie Staz, and Uncle Kev went out!" Chase piped up. Howie scowled as he looked up to Denise. She knew jealousy was raging through his body.

"Kevin?" He questioned.

"Uncle Kev said he'd be Aunt Stazzie's date!"

"Chase Alexander!" Denise scolded, Chase frowned.

"That's what he said Grammy!"

"Oh did he now?" Howie asked sarcastically, his eyes turning darker. "Thanks to Kevin. My wife is about to divorce my ass and he jumps right into her arms...and probably her bed too!"

"Howard..." Denise answered softly.

"No, this is my fight. I might be having some fights right now. But she's still mine! Mine damnit!" Howie yelled as he placed a now crying Alexandria in Denise's arms.

"Howie-"

"What club?"

"Galaxy, but Howie-"

"No."

****

Nastasia felt the soothing of her soul as she danced. AJ and Lauren were busting a close groove on the dance floor, like their bodies were one. She silently wished Howie and her were on the floor, but Kevin was awesome.

"You're so adorable!" Nastasia laughed as the remix of "Candy" pumped in the room. She began swishing her hips against Kevin as the beat pumped louder.

"Me adorable! Look at all the guys checking you out!" Kevin laughed as he dipped her. It was true, all the men had flocked to see Nastasia. All asking for dances, she turning them all down.

"You guys! Let's get a drink!" Lauren laughed as she pulled Nastasia off the dance floor. Nastasia grumbled as she was pulled off the floor. AJ and Kevin following behind the two girls, commenting on how fantasic they looked.

Lauren looked fantastic in her red dress. The dress was one which had no straps and slitted up her left leg, the hem only reaching above her knee. Hugging every curve she had. She wore her blonde hair in a short ponytail, which AJ loved.

Nastasia was in a pair of low riding, dark, denim flares. Her hips defined perfectly, curving at just the right angle. Her shirt was a blue tube top, showing the ocean in her eyes. Her long hair let down to seduce the men.

"Wow, you look fantastic out on the floor." Lauren commented to Nastasia as AJ took a long sip of his soda. Everyone promised not to drink.

"Thanks, you guys were so cute too!" Nastasia answered as Kevin whispered something in Lauren's ear, causing her to laugh.

"The only reason we're cute is because of Lauren." AJ answered as he pulled her into a deep kiss. Nastasia felt a pain hit her heart as they continued the deep kiss.

"Hey! One of your favorite songs." Kevin commented suddenly as a slow beat of Lila McCann's "Something In The Air" played through the speakers. She looked to see AJ and Lauren still kissing and sighed. This was one of the songs Howie had danced to with her when he told her he loved her.

"Let's go." Nastasia whispered softly as Kevin lead her around the couples dancing closely on the floor, and leaving AJ and Lauren to their love.

********

Howie walked into the bar to see the worse possible thing he could ever see. He felt the pain double in his heart. There was Kevin dancing close with his wife, her head resting gently on his shoulder.

What made him more upset was the fact that what was playing. He knew what this song meant to him and Nastasia. It was one of their songs. One they only danced to.

Howie groaned suddenly, the anger flaring even worse. He walked out of the club and slammed the door hard. He'd wait until later. Then he'd confront Kevin.

"Hey, you okay?" Kevin asked softly as they swayed to the beat. Nastasia seemed lost in her own world. Lauren and AJ had decided to call it a night and leave. They said they were going out for some ice cream, then back to the hotel.

"Oh what? Fine..." Nastasia answered.

"Are you sure? You and Howie got into a deep fight."

"I know, he'll get over it."

"You sure?" Kevin asked.

"He'll have to. I think I'm calling for the papers tomorrow." Nastasia answered softly as a shiver ran up her spine. She jumped a little as Kevin looked at her oddly.

"What is it now?"

"I just have this creepy feeling..."

"And what's that?"

"I felt like someone was watching me."

"Okay, that's a little creepy." Kevin laughed.

"I know." Nastasia laughed as Kevin dipped her again. She came up laughing. Her heavenly voice ringing out above the crowd. Suddenly she felt a tap on her shoulder.

"Hello, may I have this dance? She is one foxy lady." A voice murmured in Nastasia's ear. She felt a shiver run down her spine as she turned around. She glanced at the man oddly.

"Devon?"

Chapter 53:

Nastasia stared hard at the man in front of her. She couldn't believe it. Her heart started to race as she continually stared at him. "Devon?"

" Long time no see Nastasia, " Devon answered as he pulled her into his arms, away from Kevin.

"Same here..." Nastasia answered, hugging him back. Unsure of her actions. She still couldn't believe it.

" How have you been? " Devon asked, turning Nastasia's back to Kevin on purpose.

"Ahh, you know...living..." Nastasia laughed.

" And dancing, " Devon laughed back. " I saw a clip of one of their concerts on MTV last night. You looked great. "

"You saw a clip?" Nastasia laughed, "And you thought I looked great? Damn, guess the gym workouts have been working to my advantage."

" You looked damn good, I can say that much. "

"Thanks." Nastasia laughed, her heavenly voice carrying through the place. Kevin scowled as Devon kept close to Nastasia.

" Where's Lauren? She's not here. "

"She left with her husband." Nastasia answered, her voice stressing the word husband.

" Ah yes, A.J, " Devon replied, his voice trailing off.

"Yeah, they're crazy about each other too." Nastasia replied.

" I take it Lauren must hate me still? "

"Pretty much." Nastasia answered, "Not like hate...more of a strong dislike. She had a kid Dev."

" I know, I've seen pictures of him in the media. He's cute...what's his name? Chance? "

"Chase." Nastasia replied with a semi-agitated tone. Her love for Chase was extremely strong.

" Yeah, that's right. I was close. "

"Close doesn't cut it Dev."

" Geez, I'm sorry... "

"Yeah, we know." Nastasia answered with an amused smile.

" What's that supposed to mean? "

"Nothing." Nastasia answered as Kevin came and grabbed her by the arm. Devon looked at Kevin with an glare.

" I think we ought to head back to the hotel now, " Kevin said to Nastasia, pulling her away from Devon.

"Sure, I'm tired anyway." Nastasia answered, flying from the tiny tug of Kevin. She knew he was becoming very defensive and protective.

" So, I'll see you and Lauren around, ok? " Devon called after her.

"Maybe me, but I don't think you'll see Laurie."

Devon didn't reply back, only watched as Kevin escorted Nastasia out the door and watched as it slammed behind them.

*****

The next morning Kevin was hanging out down at the gym in the hotel when Howie came bursting in. Kevin didn't think anything of it, he went back to pumping iron. Counting it carefully.

" You fucking bastard! " Howie hissed as he stormed up to Kevin and shoved him backwards, causing him to drop the iron weight he was using.

Kevin jumped as the iron weight clattered to the ground. He looked to see Howie's eyes blazing. "What the hell is your problem now!?"

" You're my fucking problem! "

"I don't understand anything that your babbling about Howie." Kevin replied calmly as he picked up the iron weight and placed it back on the shelf.

" You bastard, " Howie hissed again, his teeth clentched.

"Did you drink last night?"

" What the hell is that supposed to mean? "

"You make no sense!"

" Fuck you! "

"Why can't you tell me what your problem is instead of cussing me out..." Kevin replied calmly, still not sure of what Howie's problem was.

" You're supposed to be my friend, but you're nothing but a fucking bastard! "

"Why?"

" Why the hell do you think?! "

"I personally don't know." Kevin answered stiffly.

" That's right, be a dumbshit. "

"Howie, I have places to go. I promised Staz I'd take a walk with her then we'd workout. So, if your done cussing me out, I'd like to go."

" What, after the walk and work out, you plan on taking her to bed? "

"What did you say?" Kevin asked, caught by Howie's blunt comment.

" You heard me. "

"You're on the verge of going crazy Howie." Kevin replied, "Staz just wants someone to hang out with. And I enjoy her company. She's sweet."

" That's not the only reason you enjoy her company. "

"You're crazy."

" Bullshit. "

"What makes you think that? Staz and I are friends Howie."

" The hell you are. "

"Stop it, you're being stupid." Kevin hissed, his anger flaring, "Stazzie would never cheat on you."

" You expect me to believe that? She and everyone else has been lying to me, so why should I believe that? "

"You need to get a grip man." Kevin answered as he tried to move to leave. Nastasia was waiting for him in the lobby.

Howie shoved him backwards, his anger flaring in a burst like never before.

"Okay this is stupid Howie! Stop it." Kevin answered, falling backwards from Howie's push. He was surprised, Howie was so upset. He had never seen him like this before.

" Yeah, you are stupid! "

"I really don't want to hit you Howie. So step off and let me go to Nastasia. She's waiting." Kevin answered as he tried to manuever himself around Howie. He didn't want to fight.

" Waiting for you to go sleep with her! " Howie hissed, he had completely lost it.

"Nastasia loves you, although I hate to think she wasted all that love on someone like you." Kevin spat back, hating the tone Howie was using.

That was the last straw, something in Howie snapped and he lunged at Kevin, tackling him to the ground and throwing punches at him.

Kevin yelled loudly as he responded to Howie's massive blows. He tried his best to protect himself, then when the right moment struck he lunged back and threw Howie to his back.

" Bastard! " Howie gritted as he tried to shove Kevin off of him, throwing a punch straight into Kevin's jaw.

Kevin went backwards with a hard slam, hitting his head on the side of the shelf. He cursed loudly as Howie lept again. Kevin side tracked him and connected his fist with Howie's eye. Howie went back in agony as Kevin lunged.

" I could kill you! " Howie yelled as he shoved Kevin into the weight rack.

"The feeling is fucking mutual!" Kevin hissed as he shoved Howie backwards.

Howie fell to the ground as Kevin struck him with more punches, striking him straight in the gut, knocking the air out of his stomach.

"What the hell?!" Kevin heard two voices yell. He looked to see Nastasia dressed in her jogging gear and looking extremely cute. Then he looked to see AJ running beside her.

" I'll kill you! " Howie shouted again as he threw one more punch at Kevin, but A.J ran over and pulled him away before he could actually go through with the punch.

"Chill out!" AJ called as he struggled over Howie's agression. Nastasia ran back and grabbed Kevin, trying to get him to look at her instead of lunging at Howie. Trying to calm him like she used to calm her father, although that never worked.

" Get your fucking hands off me! " Howie shouted as he struggled against A.J's hold.

"Would you stop it Howie!" AJ yelped as he pinned him against the wall. Breathing heavily as he pressed his full weight against him.

" Get the hell away from me! "

"Howie what is your problem?!" Nastasia yelled as she kept Kevin a far distance away from Howie. She could see a purple bruise forming on the side of Kevin's jaw.

Howie forced himself not to face her. He needed to get out.

AJ pinned Howie tightly, noticing him trying to squirm out. Both he and Nastasia were becoming sick of his outbursts. Nastasia becoming more upset than anyone. "Howie, I asked you a goddamn question. Have the common curtousy to answer me!" Nastasia spat out.

Howie glared at each of them, then pushed A.J away with one big shove. " I fucking quit! " he hissed and stormed from the gym, slamming the door behind him as hard as he could.

Nastasia felt the breath being taken away from her lungs. She found it harder to breath than ever. AJ looked panicked. "JJ, go...don't leave him alone...I don't care who you ask...just ask someone..."

Chapter 54:

AJ gave a slight nod as he watched Howie disappear out the door. He could tell Nastasia was still worried about him. He gave her an insecure smile.

"I'll have Mom or someone talk to him. Somehow I think she's the only one who he won't kill at the moment." AJ answered as he jogged out of the room as fast as he could, picking up pace as he took the stairs and climbed them two at a time.

Nastasia shivered as she looked to see Kevin collapse onto the cold floor. His chest heaving, aching to breathe. Nastasia bent down before him.

"I take it we're not jogging now?" Nastasia asked softly. She moved a few strands of his dark hair from his sweaty face, as she ran her hand back his locks he winced. She pulled away her hand, traces of blood.

"I'll be okay to jog...just let me catch my breath." Kevin heaved.

"What happened?" Nastasia asked softly she showed him the traces of blood on her fingertips. Kevin winced, he ached all over. Howie had thrown some good punches.

"He got a little upset with me." Kevin answered as Nastasia helped him to the locker room and grabbed some wet paper towels. Applying them to his head trying to remove the matted blood. He winced.

"Why?" Nastasia asked as she carefully proceeded to take care of the cut. It wasn't too bad, it might need stitches though.

"He thought you were sleeping with me." Kevin replied carefully. Nastasia looked down at him, shock covering her face. She stopped and looked at him.

"Us?" Nastasia asked bluntly.

"I told him we were friends. No one listens though." Kevin sighed as Nastasia frowned. "He just lunged at me. First making me drop the weights. Finally he just tackled me. I gave up, I lunged back. I knocked the air out of him. But he jawed me and made me hit my head on the shelf."

"He's way out of line." Nastasia sighed.

"Honey, he just loves you."

"He has a funny way of showing it."

"I know...give him time..."

"That's what I don't have Kevvy. I can't be with him if he's going to fly off the handle every month! I won't be able to do anything about it! PMS is not my thing!"

"I know sweetie." Kevin chuckled as her eyes grew bright with frustration.

"Nice battle scars." Nastasia sighed, not understanding why Howie could go so crazy. She didn't understand him at all. She didn't understand his actions.

"Aren't they pretty? All for you too." Kevin winced.

"I do love you Kevvy. Just not the way he thinks." Nastasia answered softly.

"Yeah, I know."

"Want to jog to the hospital? Or ride?"

"Riding would be heavenly." Kevin grinned.

"Riding it is."

*******

AJ climbed the steps two at a time. He was worried, he searched his mother's room to find her gone. Then he looked in his room to find Lauren, Alexandria, and Chase gone. He panicked as he knocked into Nick halfway down the hall.

"Nick! Where's mom?!" AJ asked quickly.

"She and Lauren took Lex and Chase out shopping."

"Damnit!"

"Why?"

"Howie's flew off the handle."

"Again?"

"Yes!" AJ sighed, "Did you see him?"

"He just went to his room and slammed the door." Nick answered, pointing towards Howie's room. AJ felt his heart beat faster.

"If I go in there he'll kill me..."

"I could try..." Nick suggested.

"You're brave..."

"I want to help. Staz means a lot to me."

"And everyone else. Just don't mention loving her. He'll kill you, like he almost did Kevin."

"What?!"

"I'll tell you later." AJ answered.

"Okay." Nick shrugged, walking towards Howie's room.

Chapter 55:

After A.J had left, Nick ran down the hall quickly to Howie's room, wondering how bad Howie had went off this time. When he got to Howie's door, he was surprised and worried to hear things breaking and crashing inside, glass and other stuff.

Nick tapped lightly on the door. Afraid to even attempt to venture in after his friend. "H-H-Howie??"

There was no response from Howie except for the continuation of things smashing against the walls.

Nick knocked on the door a bit more harder this time and when he still recieved no answer, he tried his luck at the door knob, surprised to find it open. He burst into the room. He stopped in his tracks in complete surprise when he saw the sight of the room. The base of the lamp lay shattered on the ground by the wall and a glass that had once been filled with water also layed on the ground, shattered. What he saw next took him him aback in complete horror; Howie stood heaving, clutching a piece of sharp broken glass.

"Howie don't!" Nick yelled suddenly. His heart lurching as Howie raised the broken glass above his wrist.

Howie didn't even hear Nick's desperate plea, he was too far lost in his own world of despair.

"Come on Howie, don't...." Nick called shakily, but Howie quickly made the glass bite down on his wrist. He yelped as a bright red fluid burst from his vein. He sobbed as he fell to the floor, preparing the other wrist.

Nick's body began to shake as he saw Howie begin to lower the glass to his other wrist. He couldn't let his friend do this to himself and he lunged torwards him.

"Stop it Howie!" Nick called as he grabbed the glass from his hand. Howie yelped in shock as Nick tossed the glass to the farwall. The blood continued to flow from his one wrist.

Howie started to sob as he stared down in horror himself at what he had done. It just now clicked in his head and he began to shake. His breathing became labored and he started gasping for air.

"Stop Howie, calm down. Just talk to me okay? Just talk to me." Nick whispered as he pulled Howie up and walked quickly to the bathroom. He quickly wetted a towel and applied strong pressure to Howie's vein, if the blood didn't slow down in a few minutes he'd take him to the ER. "Why Howie?"

Howie looked to becoming weak and he wasn't responsive at all, he stared off into space.

"HOWIE! You have to talk to me!" Nick shouted as the towel started to peak through with his blood. He knew Howie needed a doctor. "HOWIE! TALK!"

Still no answer.

Nick pulled Howie up with great force. He pushed Howie up against a wall quickly, still applying pressure. He used his one hand and smacked his face, hard. "COME ON D!"

Howie blinked once, but didn't say a word.

"HOWIE! COME ON!" Nick yelled, becoming furious. He gave him another hard smack. "Howie! Answer me!" He quickly looked down, more blood. He knew he had to leave and get him to the ER.

Howie was less alert then he was before and he began to collapse to the floor, scaring Nick half to death.

Nick felt his heart lurch. He quickly picked Howie up with all his effort and carried him out, finding Brian in the hallway, he screamed out. "B-Brian, please help." Nick screamed, frustration and fright mixing his tears.

"What happened?!" Brian asked, rushing towards Nick, who was holding a unconsious Howie in his arms. Brian's heart started to pump faster as he saw the blood.

"He and Staz had another fight. He did it again..." Nick sobbed.

"Come on, we have to go!" Brian yelled, running down the hall with Nick hot on his heels.

*******

Nick and Brian waited several hours in the hospital. They had gotten ahold of AJ, Kevin, and Denise. Stating they'd have to makeup the show another night. Nick, Kevin, and Brian decided to keep Nastasia in the dark about Howie's incident. Knowing it might freak her out more than ever. AJ and Denise were already told that Nastasia knew about it.

"Mr. Carter? Mr. Littrell?" A doctor grumbled. Nick and Brian jumped like lightening, as did Denise and AJ. Kevin decided to wait at the hotel for him. Deciding it wouldn't be too good if Howie saw him now.

"Yes? Is he okay?" Nick asked.

"The cut was deep. We gave him a heavy blood transfusion. Another five minutes and I can saftely say Mr. Dorough would not be in the world." The doctor replied, making Nick wince.

"Can I see him?"

"He's a bit out of it, but yes. You can." The doctor stated.

"When can he go home?" Denise asked quietly, knowing Nastasia would want to see him as soon as possible. Although she couldn't understand why Nastasia wasn't here.

"I'd say two hours." The doctor answered.

"Thank you." Nick nodded as he booked down the hallway, saying he'd be right back. And he wanted to go in alone. He wanted to talk to Howie badly.

****

Nick walked in to see Howie propped up. His left wrist heavily bandaged, he knew they needed to do several stitches in his wrist. He sighed as he watched the blood and IV drip into his friend's arm.

"Howie, you up?" Nick called softly. Howie looked over and moaned again. He was extremely weak, and distraught. He seemed to be pondering what his life was really worth.

"Howie?" Nick called again.

"Hmm?" Howie murmured, he was so tired. His wrist ached, as did his eye. He knew he had a ugly bruise on his eye, it was swollen too. Not a good combination.

"Why Howie? Why?"

"Everything is falling apart Nick. My whole life...everything that really matters to me Nick. It's gone, she's gone..." Howie mumbled.

"What do you mean?" Nick whispered.

"Staz loves Kev now."

"Your nuts, she loves you."

"She gave me the rings...it's over..." Howie whispered faintly. His eyes fluttered as he struggled to stay awake. He looked over to see his friend's tears.

"Howie, you don't need to worry. She loves you."

"No she doesn't."

"Howie-"

"Nick?"

"What?"

"I love her."

Chapter 56:

When Lauren and Nastasia got home from shopping they hadn't seen anyone. There was a note saying Denise had the kids. So, Lauren, knowing Nastasia was extremely upset about the fight between Kevin and Howie, decided to take Nastasia out.

"Do you think mom will mind? She's had our kids forever." Nastasia laughed as she and Lauren walked into the Lunar Bar. She and Lauren were both dressed in leather flares. Lauren wore a blue tank top with a see-through white overshirt. Her hair in a pony-tail. Nastasia was the bold one to come out in a white half-tank that reached above her belly-button. They were definintely her dancing clothes.

"We'll take the kids out before your concert tomorrow." Lauren answered as she saw the music pump through Nastasia's body. It was exciting watching Nastasia dance, and the way she pulled Lauren in with her.

"You mean a major shopping spree?" Nastasia asked, raising a blonde eyebrow in question.

"You know it! Lex needs some flares."

"Baby Gap!" Nastasia laughed, slipping Lauren a high-five as Backstreet's "The Call" came over the speakers. Nastasia jumped at the sound, starting to imitate the moves from their choreography.

Lauren watched with a smile. Nastasia was beautiful. As Nastasia danced she felt a shiver creep down her spine. Something didn't feel right. Like something was going totally wrong.

"I'm going to miss Lex." Nastasia called out suddenly.

"No talk about sadness!" Lauren shouted over the music. "Time for dance! No others!"

"Sorry." Nastasia laughed as she let Lauren twirl her. Lauren watched as a group of guys circled them, all waiting for Nastasia to move away from Lauren.

"They're wanting you." Lauren laughed as Nastasia twirled Lauren.

"Let them want me!" Nastasia laughed as Lauren fell into her arms. The girls giggled harder and they continued to dance together. Like two best friends always should have been.

********

AJ paced inside Howie's room. He had been discharged from the hospital with pain killers and the request that he be kept under heavy guard. AJ agreed, all the guys were sitting in his room as he slept. Denise was playing with Alexandria and Chase.

"Why aren't they home?!" AJ cursed as he tried Lauren's cell phone again, busy. He couldn't get through. Their note stating that they would be back later.

"They said they'd be home soon." Kevin answered as Howie tossed wildly in his sleep. Horrible nightmares creeping in and out of his mind.

"I don't understand why Nastasia would go out when her husband almost killed himself. And got damn near close to it!" AJ cursed.

"That's because she doesn't know..." Brian answered.

"What?!" AJ yelled as Howie screamed. Everyone jumped as Howie thrashed in his sleep. He wailed pitifully as he cried. Sobs wrenching his tired body.

"I'm sorry Staz, I love you, don't leave me! Please Staz! Don't leave me! I'm scared! Please! I love you!" Howie continued to wail as he thrashed. Kevin quickly tried to wake him up.

"Someone has to tell Staz! Now! He's not going to get better if Staz isn't here soon!" Kevin cursed. AJ nodded as he ran out of the hotel room with his cellphone in hand.

*****

While Nastasia and Lauren were dancing everyone seemed entertained. Nastasia enjoyed the attention as Lauren teased her. She had forgotten her worries.

Lauren laughed as she spun Nastasia, but suddenly stopped when she bumped into someone. She stopped as a frightened look came across Nastasia's face. Lauren cautiously turned around.

"DEVON!?" Lauren screeched in surprise. The man jumped, he offered a dashing smile. Lauren felt her heart stop. Her stomach started to twist into tight knots.

"Staz! Laur!" Devon smiled, hugging them both. Lauren felt herself grow cold as Nastasia turned a white color. Devon didn't seem too surprised. "Staz told me I'd never see you."

"Staz?" Lauren yelped.

"She ran into me yesterday." Devon answered, his eyes gleaming. "It's nice to see you Lauren."

"Not really likewise." Lauren replied sarcastically, thinking of her husband. The wonderful man who was waiting with friends for her to return. The man who loved her more than anything.

"Why so cold?" Devon laughed.

"I told you Dev." Nastasia replied.

"You hurt me Devon." Lauren replied coldly as Nastasia's cellphone beeped. She sighed softly as she tuned out of Lauren's conversation and into her own.

"HELLO?!" Nastasia screamed as she pressed her finger to her other ear, trying to hear the person.

"Where the hell are you?!"

It was AJ.

"Out. Why?"

"Do you know what happened to Howie?"

"No..."

"He tried to kill himself again." AJ replied, her heart grew cold. She felt herself freeze, the whole world stopped turning. She felt like she had just died.

"Is he?" She couldn't put herself up to finish the question.

"No... He needs you though Stazzie. He's calling out for you badly." AJ replied. Nastasia answered that she'd be there right away. Her heart pumped to a maximum as she turned back to Lauren.

"We have to go!"

"Why?" Lauren asked.

"Howie...kill...suicide!" Nastasia whimpered as tears fell from her eyes. Lauren gasped as she she held onto Nastasia tightly, who's body was taken over by sobs.

"We're going." Lauren promised.

"Laur! What about me?!" Devon yelled, "Dinner tomorrow?!"

"FINE!" Lauren yelled, not understanding anything. All she wanted to do was get home and get Nastasia home. To assure her that Howie was going to live.

Chapter 57:

Nastasia sat quietly by the bed watching as Howie stirred restlessly as he slept. He seemed to be tumbling through nightmare after nightmare, ones that were causing him to break out in feverish sweats. She was worried that it was being caused from the pain medication he had taken.

She had been sitting by his side since she had arrived back at the hotel, she was afraid to leave. When she had burst into the room, she found everyone gathered around in silence, no one knew what to think of everything that had happened.

Nastasia had almost collapsed when she walked into the room. She was shocked by his appearance, he was so pale. It all seemed too familiar - images of when she had found A.J after he had tried to overdose, flashed before her eyes.

Now she sat all alone by his side, everyone had piled from the room, knowing she needed time alone with him. A.J and Nick promised her they would be waiting outside the door and all she had to do was call for them.

Numerous sobs caught in her throat as she reached a hand out and moved some hair out of his face. He looked to be in complete agony, and seemed to shutter from her touch.

Her eyes traveled down to his bandaged wrist and she felt the tears gather in her eyes. she was the cause of the injury, she had caused him to do this to himself and it made her sick.

Nastasia could feel her emotions getting the better of her and she felt the need to get out. She stood up and forced herself to walk towards the door, not wanting to look back.

Suddenly, Howie began to moan softly in his sleep, but his moans soon turned to sobs and he began to cry out, tossing and turning, making the sheets a tangled mess.

" Stazzie, please! I'm sorry! Don't go! I love you so much baby! Please don't leave me! Stazzie! " Howie shouted, his eyes fluttering under their lids.

Nastasia jumped from his outburst, it frightened her. Her eyes were coated with worry as she watched him seem to struggle in his dream.

" No! Stazzie! Please baby, I'm sorry! Don't go! " he begged furiously, his good hand gripping the sheets.

Nastasia rushed back over to him in complete worry. She grabbed hold of his good hand and squeezed it tightly, and began stroking the side of his face gently with her other hand.

" Howie, sweetie, wake up, " she tried to sooth.

" Please don't leave Stazzie! " Howie begged again, his eyes clentched shut.

" Baby, wake up! Please wake up! " Nastasia pleaded, tears trickling down her cheeks. " I'm not gonna leave. Please wake up! "

Small beads of sweat rolled down the sides of Howie's temples as his body slowly relaxed and he sobbed quietly, still not awake. He looked like a small, scared child, laying there so helplessly.

" Please wake up, " Nastasia pleaded again, her heart shattering for the hundreth time.

His eye lids began to flutter quickly again, but they slowly parted open, and his soft, tear-coated brown eyes, stared up at her. " S-Stazzie? " he mumbled hoarsly. " You're here... "

" And I'm not gonna leave, " Nastasia replied, relieved she had pulled him from his nightmarish dream and he was awake. She tightened her grip on his hand. " I'm not gonna leave... "

A small, not very noticable smile, formed around the edges of Howie lips as he stared up at her, his eyes still drooping from drowsiness. A few tears still spilled from the corners of his eyes. " Thank-you, " he whispered.

Nastasia felt her heart ache as she sat down back on the bed. Howie still looking at her intently, like he was afraid to go back to sleep. She broke her gaze for just a moment to see the rings laying on the floor by a bloody piece of glass. She couldn't understand anything, "Why Howie?"

" Huh? " Howie mumbled, his eyes searching her face, recieving all the emotion it animated.

"Why take your life?" Nastasia choked out, she watched a curl fall into his face. Softly she brushed it away, her eyes casted with hurt.

" Because... " Howie muttered quietly in reply, finally breaking his gaze with her.

"I see..." Nastasia replied, sensing something distant in him. She wished she could just kiss him, make things better. She sighed softly as she stood and sat in the chair near his bed.

Howie watched hurtfully as she did so. His heart began to ache more, not having her sitting next to him, and he knew he was upsetting her. That's what he always seemed to do.

"Look Howie, I'm really sorry..."

" Why should you be sorry? "

"Because..." Nastasia sniffed as tears threatened her ocean eyes, "I feel like all of this is my fault...and I know it is..."

" No... " Howie whispered, bitting his bottom lip to keep from crying.

"You always were bad at lying." Nastasia sniffled with a cruel laugh, more at herself than Howie. "I know what I've done. And I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, or for you to hurt yourself. I was doing what I thought you wanted..."

" What I wanted? " Howie asked, the confusion clouding his eyes.

"Yeah..." Nastasia answered, her eyes glancing at the carpet. She could still see the blood stain from Howie. She felt her heart stab with regret. She never should have left, never.

" All I ever wanted was you. " Howie was beginning to hate that she was blaming herself for what he had done. It was his decision, not hers.

"But our fights- "

" We were both at fault for those. "

"Mostly mine though...I should have told you...I should have opened up...But I didn't...I was so stupid..." Nastasia laughed cruely. "God, I guess daddy was right...I am an infection..."

" No Stazzie, don't talk like that. "

"Look at what you did though. I never wanted to hurt you. I got Kevin beat up, twice in fact...I can't make any use of anything anymore. Alexia does't even love me anymore...I don't know what else I can handle without screwing it up." Nastasia answered truthfully, the first time she had ever really opened up to Howie.

" I did what I did because I love you... "

"How can you justify love with killing yourself? Who are you? Romeo?"

" I can't live without you, that's how I justify it, " Howie answered, the knot in his stomach tying tighter.

"Howie-" Nastasia couldn't find the words in her mouth. She felt her heart pounding with an intense rhythm.

" I can't live without you, " Howie whispered.

"I can't either..."

" I don't want to lose us Stazzie. "

"Me either, but you were so angry at me..."

" I was more worried than anything, and I was frustrated. I mean, we're supposed to trust each other and you didn't tell me anything. You lied instead. "

"I didn't want to talk about it. It hurt to think of those things. It still does. I don't understand, I tried not to lie. I hated every minute of it, but that's all I know Howie."

" I thought you could trust me...I was worried sick about you, I was trying to care... "

"I can trust you. I just don't need to think about those things. They tear me up inside. I've had these breakdowns...they're not good for me. So I just block out my past, refusing to awknowlege it." Nastasia answered, she didn't know whether she should sit back on the bed, or stay.

" If I would have known, I wouldn't have pushed you so hard to tell me. I was just worried... "

"I'm sorry..." Nastasia replied as tears started to rain down her red cheeks. Her eyes sparked with sorrow as she looked at Howie.

" Oh god, Stazzie...don't cry, " Howie choked, he just wanted to reach out and hold her.

"I'm just so scared...I love you...I do..." Nastasia sniffled as more tears rained down her cheeks.

" Stazzie, I love you too. "

"I d-d-don't want to leave you either..."

" Then stay, " Howie whispered, finding himself struggling to stay awake.

"I will..." Nastasia answered softly as she leaned down towards him. She placed a kiss on his warm forehead. "You look tired though...Maybe I should let you rest..."

Howie shook his head. " Only if you stay with me. "

Nastasia rolled her eyes, "You always drove a hard bargin. "

" I won't rest if you don't stay, " Howie stated, giving her puppy eyes, making her melt. " But I'm serious, please stay. "

"Okay, you sleep and I'll clean this mess up..." Nastasia answered.

" No, sit with me. "

"Fine." Nastasia laughed as she sat on the edge of the bed. She looked at Howie, the soft glimmer returning to her beautiful eyes. "Better?"

" Not quite... "

"Need more medication?"

" No... "

"Then what is it?"

" A kiss. "

"Oh, one of those..." Nastasia laughed.

Howie grinned at her. " Please? "

"Sure." She leaned in and placed a tender kiss on his lips, inviting the taste and warmness of him. Making her heart pound with an intense rhythm.

Chapter 58:

The concert had gone great last night. Nastasia was at an all time high, happy that she and Howie were back together. She refused to take her rings off for anything now. Which in return made Howie even more happier.

Today was the boys' day off, but they were heading down to TRL for a quick show. Just to give a hello to Carson. Howie was currently sleeping though, on Nastasia's orders. He was still regaining his strength from his suicide incident. He and Alexandria were cuddled up in blankets sleeping.

"I wish you'd think twice about this!" Nastasia complained to Lauren for the thousandth time. Lauren rolled her eyes as she slipped her black skirt (that swept down to her ankles and slit up to above her knees) on. Devon had called to have her meet him at a nice bar down the street. She couldn't say no.

"Nastasia, please stop." Lauren moaned as she slipped on her white tanktop and pulled her hair into a slick ponytail. Her sapphire eyes sparking with anticipation. She couldn't believe she was nervous about it.

"AJ is going to kill you." Nastasia whined again as Chase looked from his mother to his aunt. They were arguing, and he never heard that before.

"AJ's not going to find out. I'm going to be gone until the TRL thing is over with. Then we're meeting the guys for some dinner and he's taking me shopping. Nothing can go wrong." Lauren answered as she applied a touch of makeup.

"This is going to backfire!" Nastasia answered skeptically.

"Nastasia! Would you stop!" Lauren fumed as she slipped her feet into a pair of chunky heels, accenting her whole look.

"I'm worried. Dev causes nothing but-"

"STOP BEING MY MOM!"

"Sorry..." Nastasia replied softly, her eyes casting with hurt. Chase jumped at the rising of her voice. He'd never seen his mother so upset with Nastasia.

"Sorry Staz."

"It's fine."

"Can you watch Chase?"

"If he wants."

"You want to see Aunt Staz, Lex, and Uncle Howie for awhile Chaser?" Lauren asked as she gave Chase a sweet smile. He looked to his aunt who looked frustrated.

"Sure mom." Chase nodded.

"That's my angel." Lauren responded as she placed a kiss on his cheek. Grabbing her purse she turned back to Nastasia. "Nothing is going to happen. I'm just meeting Devon for some drinks. Tell AJ I went shopping if he gets home sooner."

"Fine." Nastasia gritted.

"Bye."

******

Nastasia rested in Howie's arms. Howie had woken up a little over an hour ago. He and Nastasia were watching cartoons with Chase and Alexandria. They were content being in each other's arms.

"I'm so happy you're staying here." Howie murmured as he kissed the top of her forehead. She smiled softly as she turned and planted a kiss on his lips, refusing to look at his bandage which contained her mistakes. Which would probably leave a scar.

"I'm happy too." She smiled as they continued kissing. Chase glanced up from the cartoons as Alexandria let out a squeal. She was extremely happy since her mother seemed more happier.

"EWWW! UNCLE D! Get your lips away from my Aunt! Yuck!" Chase groaned as he crinkled his face in disgust. Nastasia looked back to see Chase imitating his father's facial expressions.

"Yuck Auntie Staz! Yuck! Huh Lex?!" Chase groaned as he looked to his cousin. Nastasia watched in surprise as Alexandria bobbed her head up and down.

"Ba mama." Alexandria cooed. Nastasia gasped as she turned back to Howie. She knew Alexandria was saying "Bad mommy."

"Who's been teaching my child to say bad?!" Nastasia asked with a laugh. Howie shrugged his shoulders as he placed another tender kiss on Nastasia's lips.

***

"Bad Stazzie!" AJ laughed as he walked into the room. Nastasia jumped off the bed like lightening. She didn't expect to see AJ for another few hours. "What a bad sister I have."

"I believe AJ taught Lex." Howie answered as he rolled back over in the bed, sleepiness invading his body. The pain killers only numbed the pain, but Nastasia kissed the rest away.

"Bad JJ." Nastasia scolded, her heart pumping to a maximum.

"Hey Lex! Hey Chase!" AJ greeted as he bent down towards the childrens' level. They both squealed as they ran to his arms. He scooped them up and applied several kisses to each.

"Hi daddy!" Chase giggled.

"Where's Lauren?" AJ asked as he stood, both children in his arms still. Nastasia gulped down the coldness tearing through her heart.

"O-Out." Nastasia stumbled.

"O-Out where?" AJ teased.

"Mom said to tell you she was shopping." Chase perked up. Nastasia groaned loudly as she smacked her forehead. AJ looked at her quizzically.

"Why do I have a feeling she's not shopping?" AJ asked.

"What are you doing home anyway?" Nastasia asked, changing the subject.

"We left TRL early, because we wanted to check up on D."

"Thanks bro." Howie answered.

"No problem." AJ nodded, "Now where's Lauren?"

"Shopping. Like Chase said." Nastasia lied, her eyes casting over with gloom. AJ glared harder at her, cracking her insides apart. She tried to look away, but couldn't break the gaze.

"Shopping my ass." AJ murmured, "Stazzie please tell me the truth. I hate it when you lie, because I can always tell. And I don't want to have to kick your ass."

"Stop threatening me!" Nastasia answered.

"Where is she?"

"Out." Nastasia answered.

"Where's out?"

"The nice bar down the street." Chase piped in. Nastasia smacked her forehead again, anger was burning through AJ. She could sense it from the hostility in his body.

"Why's she there?" AJ asked.

"She's getting a drink and told me to tell you she went shopping. She was worried you'd be mad at her for drinking and leaving Chase home with me." Nastasia cut in as AJ placed Alexandria and Chase in her arms.

"Oh, well I'll just go see her then."

"JJ-"

She didn't have time to call after him. He was already out the door and slammed it hard. Obviously not buying into the story Nastasia was telling him.

Chapter 59:

A.J stopped by the hotel lobby door and proceeded to put on an old baseball cap, pulling the bill of the cap low, then put on a pair of dark sunglasses. He was going to walk to the club since it was right down the street. He was going without a bodyguard, and by putting on the old cap and dark sunglasses, he was hoping to lessen his chance of being recognized, even though he knew it wouldn't help much.

Opening the lobby doors, he stepped out into the cool air and looked to his right, then his left. What he saw to his left, made him wish he would have stayed in the hotel a few minutes longer.

A group of about 7 girls were walking down the already packed sidewalk; all chattering excitedly. Two of the girls was carrying homemade posters and all of them were wearing Backstreet Boys t-shirts.

" Ah shit, " A.J muttered as he began walking, trying to keep himself from looking back over his shoulder at the group of girls, hoping that there be a chance that they wouldn't notice him, but that was foolish of him to hope.

It wasn't long before one of the girls looked up and caught him looking back at them over his shoulder.

" Omg, guys! Look! " the girl exclaimed, using her finger to point.

" Omg, no way! " one of the other girls exclaimed. " It's A.J! "

" Shit! " A.J frowned, knowing this was not good. He began to run, which turned into a sprint as the girls started coming after him. No bodyguard and 7 teenybopper fans ; not a good mix. He usually didn't run away from his fans, but he felt that now was not the time for a fan encounter.

He sprinted across the street, nearly getting hit by a car that came zooming by. He could hear the group of girls screaming behind him, " A.J! OMG! A.J! CAN WE HAVE YOUR AUTOGRAPH?! WE LOVE YOU A.J! " He knew it was attracting attention from bystanders, just making the situation worse.

He spotted an alleyway and quickly darted down it, hoping to lose the group. He leaned against the cold brick wall, heaving as he tried to catch his breath. What he heard next, made his heart drop.

" There, he went down that alley there! "

" Shit! " A.J exclaimed as he ran out from the alley and down the sidewalk, the girls hot on his heels.

" THERE HE IS! "

A.J looked around frantically as he continued to run. Then he spotted the club on the other side of the street. He quickly zipped across and was relieved when he reached the club doors. He burst in and slammed the door behind himself. Taking off his cap and sunglasses, he allowed his eyes to adjust to the half-light atmosphere of the place, his ears pounding with the loud music.

' I could use a drink ' he thought to himself with a chuckle. He would get one once he found lauren.

*****

Lauren ran her finger around the rim of her glass repeatedly as Devon babbled on and on about his life. She was bored out of her mind and was beginning to wish that she would have never agreed to meet him there. Something in the pit of her stomach was beginning to tell her that meeting him at the club was a big mistake.

" ...But that was after graduating from law school. Enough about me though, how's life been for you? " Devon beamed towards Lauren, a gleam in his eyes.

" Just peachy... " Lauren answered in an absentminded tone.

" I'm glad to hear that. Congradulations on your marraige to what's his name... "

" His name is A.J. How many times do I have to tell you? "

" Hey, don't get sassy. I was only trying to congradulate- "

" Well, you already congradulated me before, so you don't need to again, " Lauren snapped.

" You've got a cute kid. "

' Yeah, and thanks to you, he didn't know his father for the first three and a half years of his life ' Lauren thought cruely, an anger rising within. " Yeah, he's great. " She looked around with bordem. " Do you want to dance? " She figured she'd get in one dance and then leave. She wanted to get back to the hotel asap.

" It'd be my pleasure, " Devon answered, and led her onto the dance floor.

Just as they reached the dance floor, Dru Hill's - " Never Make A Promise " came on over the speakers.

" Wait, I can't dance to this song, " Lauren said suddenly as she stopped. The song had recently become one of her and A.J's songs. She couldn't dance to it with Devon.

" Yes you can. C'mon, " Devon replied and continued to lead her.

" But- " Lauren began to protest.

*****

A.J moved his way through the crowd of people, still looking for Lauren. When he heard " Never Make A Promise " come on, he felt a smile play across his lips and he hoped to find her soon.

His heart stopped when he reached the dance floor. He had to be seeing things, he told himself, but he knew he wasn't. No it couldn't be. How could she be doing this? How could she be dancing with him, Devon?

*****

Lauren felt that same uneasiness surge through her body as Devon wrapped his arms around her waist, as she did that one time back at her house in Florida, years ago.

Devon leaned down and moved to place a tender kiss on Lauren's lips, but she slapped him.

Suddenly, Devon was grabbed by the shoulder and spun around, a punch thrown straight against his nose.

" Son of a bitch! " Devon cried out as he stumbled backwards, clutching his nose.

" Alex! " Lauren exclaimed with surprise.

A.J didn't have time to answer because Devon lunged at him. He struggled against him as he swung his fist wildly at his head. Devon blocked the swings and punched A.J in the gut, knocking him down. But it didn't stop there, they continued to fight.

" Stop it! " Lauren shouted as she tried to pull A.J away, but it was no use.

" You bastard! " A.J shouted, swinging another punch.

" Fuck you! " Devon shouted back.

Suddenly, the manager of the club came running over, followed by a bouncer and two officers.

" Alright, break it up! Break it up! " the manager yelled as one of the officers and the bouncer pulled the two men apart.

A.J fought against the hold the officer had on him, his face was bright red and he was heaving greatly.

" What the hell is going on? "

" Fucking bastard was trying to put a move on my wife! " A.J shouted in response.

" You fucking punched me! " Devon shouted back.

" I'll do it again! " A.J spat as he tried to lunge at Devon, but the officer held him back.

" Sir, if you don't calm down, I will be forced to arrest you. "

A.J still struggled to get from the officer's hold, his goal, to beat the living day lights out of Devon.

" Sir- "

" Alex! Stop! " Lauren screamed, her heart pounding rapidly.

" Sir, you're under arrest, " the officer stated, pulling out his cuffs and snapping them on A.J's wrists.

" Oh god Alex... " Lauren gasped as the officer began to lead A.J out of the club.

" Bitch, " A.J hissed at Lauren as he was led by. His eyes penetrating deep into her with a dark anger.

Chapter 60:

Lauren hesitated as Devon was pushed back onto his feet. His nose was bleeding badly, AJ had definitely broken it. Lauren felt like her heart had been ripped from her chest. She watched Devon grip his nose in agony.

"You've got one nasty husband." Devon moaned as he stared darkly at Lauren. Lauren glared back, wanting to kill him. She knew the look in AJ's eyes, that look. The same she had gotten when Devon had been at her house.

"He's a bit jealous." Lauren sighed sadly.

"A bit? He's a fucking idiot. I can't believe he's married to you." Devon answered, steaming up Lauren's attitude.

"Thanks to you he might not even be my husband anymore!" Lauren screamed loudly.

"What? You were the one that came onto me!" Devon spat back as he wiped the fresh blood from his nose. Lauren glared at him.

"I-I-I did not!" Lauren burst, stunned by Devon's words.

"It's true, who was pressing who's lips to who's?" Devon grinned sourly. "No wonder he doesn't trust you!"

"Fuck off!" Lauren yelled.

"Nah, I don't like you like that. But it was a nice offer." Devon sneered back, obviously agitated at AJ's reaction. He was extremely upset.

"Ass." Lauren replied as she smacked him hard across the cheek, sending him backwards. Everyone gasped as he fell into a waiter, spilling drinks everywhere. Lauren glared once more as tears welled up in her eyes, then she fled. Leaving the place that caused her this pain.

*****

AJ sat gloomily in the dark cell. The police had pushed him into the cell, leaving. He didn't really care if he ever got out. He didn't care.

His heart ached as he looked at the pictures through his wallet. One was of him and Chase, holding each other with silly grins on their faces. Then he passed one of him and Nastasia when they were younger, grinning like nuts. He let out a cruel laugh as he reached the first picture. There he and Lauren cuddled, their first picture as a married couple.

"What a bitch." AJ hissed as he grabbed the picture from the wallet. He stared hatefully at it for a moment longer, then he ripped it up. Tiny pieces fluttered to the ground as he heard the clattering of keys.

"Son, you calmed down?" An officer barked. AJ gave a grunt as a reply, which soured the officer. "Son, did you hear me? Or are you deaf?"

"I heard you, sir." AJ gritted out.

"Good."

"Yes sir."

"What made you go crazy like that?"

"My wife was cheating on me."

"You're allowed one phone call." The officer replied with a shrug. Obviously not caring about AJ's personal problems. AJ reluctantly stood as he pulled his wedding band off his finger, jamming it into his pocket. He waited for the officer to place the cuffs back on and lead him out.

******

Nastasia sat on the bed as Howie slept. The pills were making him very tired, but he seemed to have sweet dreams. She glanced at her watch carefully. It was already eight at night and she had no clue where Lauren or AJ was at. A sinking feeling grew in her stomach as she looked at Alexandria sleeping.

"Mi hija, estas son las mananitas. Que cantaba el rey David. Hoy per ser dia de tu santo. Te los cantamos a ti." Nastasia sung softly in her daughter's ear. Alexandria tossed softly from her mother's beautiful voice, as did Howie. He stirred to watch Nastasia finish the song, Alexandria fully alert.

"Despierta, mi bien despierta. Mira que ya amanecio. Ya los pajarillos cantan. La luna ya se metio." Nastasia finshed. Alexandria cried for her mother as Nastasia picked her up, quieting her daughter quickly.

"I think Lex wants you." Howie smiled. Nastasia rolled her eyes playfully at him as she sat down next to him. Alexandria bundled in her mother's arms. Chase sat watching TV. "Okay, I think I want you too."

"You better." Nastasia laughed.

"Beautiful singing, where did you learn it?"

"My mo-" Nastasia was about to answer, but the phone rang. She jumped up with Alexandria and grabbed it quickly. "Hello?" Nastasia spoke up as Howie watched her.

"Hey Stazzie."

It was AJ.

"Hey babe, what's the matter?" Nastasia asked, noticing the depression in her friend's voice. It made her nervous as she bounced Alexandria on her hip.

"I need you to pick me up."

"Where?"

"I'm..."

"Where JJ? And where's Lauren?"

"I don't give a damn about where Lauren is!" AJ snapped, taking Nastasia aback a few steps. She felt the tears threaten her eyes. She knew by the sound AJ had found her with Devon.

"Where are you JJ?"

"The police station."

Chapter 61:

" You're where?! " Nastasia exclaimed, surprising Alexandria and making her cry out.

" Please Stazzie, don't make a big deal out of this. Just come get me, " A.J sighed.

Nastasia could hear the desperation in his voice and she bit down on her bottom lip, looking back at Howie. " Alright, I'll there in a little bit. Let me guess, you need me to bail you out? "

" Yeah... "

" Fine, I'll see what I can do. Just hang in there. Do you want me to tell Mom where you are? "

" Don't even think about it. "

" I didn't think you did. Alright, just hang in there and I'll be there in a little bit. "

" Alright son, time is up, " Nastasia heard coming from A.J's end.

" I gotta go... "

" See you soon JJ. "

Nastasia hung up the phone and took in a deep breath. What could A.J have possibly done to get himself thrown in jail? And worse, where was Lauren?

" Stazzie, what's wrong? " Howie asked worridly, seeing the upset expression on his wife's face.

" JJ's in jail... " Nastasia trailed, keeping her voice down, as to not catch Chase's attention, he didn't need to know what had happened.

" He's where?! "

" Jail... "

" What happened? "

" I don't know, but he needs me to bail him out, so I need to go get him. "

" Do you want me to go with you? "

" No, stay here and rest some more. Could you watch the kids? "

" Sure. "

" And don't tell Denise where A.J is, if you see her. "

" Alright, I won't. "

" Thanks babe, " Nastasia smiled as she leaned over the bed and gave Howie a passionate kiss on the lips, handing him their daughter. " I'll be back later. "

" Don't be gone too long. "

" Why? " Nastasia teased.

" Because I'll miss you too much. "

" You big baby, " Nastasia giggled as Chase walked over to her when she was about to walk out the door.

" Where you going Aunt Stazzie? " he asked, his beautiful brown eyes staring up at her in question.

" I gotta go meet your daddy somewhere, " Nastasia answered hesitantly.

" Can I go too? " Chase piped up.

" No Chazzie. "

" But I wanna go see Daddy! "

" Your daddy will come see you when he gets here, ok? "

" Please? "

" No. "

" Fine, " Chase pouted and plopped down at his spot in front of the tv again.

*****

A.J found himself sitting on the cold floor against the wall in the cell with his head resting in his hands. His stomach ached terribly from where he had been punched hard.

His eyes wandered around the cell and landed on the pieces of torn picture laying scattered around him. Ironically enough, a piece of the picture of both their heads together layed right next to him. It wasn't a big piece, but it was big enough to make his heart stab with pain. He brought a clenched fist down onto it and smacked it as hard as he could.

" Bitch, " he hissed through clenched teeth and went back to resting his head in his hands.

" JJ? "

A.J looked up after hearing the familiar voice. He jumped up as he saw the officer unlocking the cell door and Nastasia standing next to him. As soon as the door was opened and the officer motioned that he was allowed out, he ran into Nastasia's arms, hugging her tightly.

" Thanks for bailing me out. "

" You owe me, " Nastasia half-laughed as she gave him a kiss on the cheek.

" Yeah, " A.J answered as he wrapped his arm around Nastasia's shoulders protectively. He was glad to have her there. " You didn't have to come bail me out. "

" Do you actually think I'd let my brother sit on his ass pouting in jail, overnight? " Nastasia joked.

" For one thing, I wasn't pouting. And another thing, if you would have left me here, I would have had to kick your ass when I got out, " A.J grinned, but the grin quickly faded away.

" JJ, what's wrong? "

" Nothing... "

" Don't lie to me. Something's wrong, I know it. What happened? "

A.J looked away from Nastasia as they continued walking to the rental car.

" Answer me JJ. "

" Devon, that's what happened! " A.J gritted.

" Oh no, " Nastasia moaned, wincing at the thought. " I told her she shouldn't go, I told her... " she mumbled.

" Wait a minute, " A.J said suddenly, stopping Nastasia. " You knew that she was going to see him? "

" Well- "

" Stazzie, you knew? "

" Yeah... "

" How come you didn't tell me?! "

" Listen JJ, Laurie didn't want you to know because she knows you're not fond of him and she didn't want you to get mad. "

" I have every fucking right to get mad about this! She cheated on me! "

" What?! "

" You heard me. "

" Wha-how? "

" The bitch cheated on me, she probably has been for who knows how long. "

" Take that back JJ, " Nastasia ordered angrily. She didn't know what Lauren had done to get A.J to accuse her of cheating on him, but A.J had no right to say what he did. She knew Lauren, and she knew Lauren would never do anything to hurt A.J or to cheat on him.

" No! "

" Take it back damnit! "

" No Stazzie. "

" What did Laurie do? "

" For one thing, she went behind my back and saw him, and that breaks my trust. Of course I'm gonna get pissed about it because he's a fucking asshole. "

" She didn't mean any harm by going and seeing him. "

" The hell she didn't and she made that clear when she kissed him, " A.J snapped, his brown eyes glistened over with tears of pure anger.

" No, she couldn't of kissed him. She doesn't like him. "

" She did kiss him. She cheated on me, " A.J whispered hurtfully and stared at the ground. " Listen, I just want to forget about this for right now. Would you mind if I crashed in your's and D's room tonight? I don't want to bother Mom. "

" No problem, " Nastasia answered softly. A.J winced. " What's wrong? "

" My stomach, " A.J replied. " I'm gonna need some ice when we get back to the hotel. "

" Let me see, " Nastasia ordered softly, pulling up A.J's shirt to find an ugly bruise forming on the side of his stomach. " Damn JJ, how did you get that? "

" Once again, Devon. "

" I swear, I oughta kill Laurie for this, " Nastasia mumbled, shaking her head sadly. She had warned Lauren about going to meet Devon at the club, she knew it was going to all backfire and she told her that, but Lauren wouldn't listen. " C'mon, let's go back to the hotel. "

*****

" Brian! Please let me in, please! Brian! " Lauren called frantically as she knocked on Brian's door. " Brian! "

" Hold on, hold on! I'm comin'! " Brian called from inside and then he opened his door, appearing only in a pair of dark boxers and a white tank. From the looks of him, he had been woken up by Lauren's constant knocking on his door. " Laurie...sweetheart, what's wrong? " he asked as he escorted her into his room after seeing the tears ready to pour from her eyes.

" I've made the biggest mistake of my life, " Lauren choked as Brian wiped a tear that had fallen down her cheek.

" What? You played one of Nick's bad jokes on J and now he's pissed? " Brian joked.

" I'm serious Brian! "

" What have you done sweetie? "

" I'm so stupid Bri Bear, I'm so stupid. "

" Don't talk like that. What happened? "

" I made the biggest mistake of my life. "

" You already said that, but what did you do? "

" Devon. "

" Excuse me?! "

" I went and saw him today. "

" Ok...why? "

" He's the one who's been calling me on my cell lately. He knew I would be in New York and he wanted to see me. Just a friendly meeting... "

" Well, what's the problem then? "

" I didn't tell Alex... "

" Why? "

" Because he hates him, he would have been pissed if I would have told him. "

" Uh-oh... "

" Alex came to the club, not knowing anything about Devon being there and he flipped. They got in a fight and Alex was arrested. "

" J's in jail? "

" Yeah... "

" Damn... "

" Bri bear, I don't know what to do. I didn't mean any harm by going and seeing Devon, I don't even like him. "

" But? "

" Alex is pissed, really pissed... "

" That's not good. "

" No... "

" I'm sure everything will be alright if you give him sometime to chill. "

" What if I've really screwed up? "

" Don't think like that, I'm sure everything will be fine. "

Lauren looked away, she wanted to believe Brian's words, but it was too hard to believe them. She knew she had made a major mistake and she knew she should have listened to Nastasia and never went to meet Devon at the club, but she acted stubborn.

" Thanks Bri Bear...if you see Alex before I do, tell him I want to talk to him, ok? "

" Will do. "

" Sorry if I woke you up. "

" It's no problem Laurie. "

" Night. "

Chapter 62:

Nastasia managed to get AJ home in one piece. He was extremely upset and avoided everyone's questions. He hadn't seen Lauren yet and he was thankful for it. As soon as they were in the hotel AJ made a beeline straight for Nastasia's room.

"Here slugger." Nastasia answered as she tossed an icepack to AJ, then another to Howie. Howie's wrist was a bit swollen from the stitches, and the doctors advised ice. AJ applied his quickly to his sore stomach as Nastasia sat on the opposite bed with him.

Howie held Alexandria tightly in his arms. It was late at night. Chase was already sleeping in the bed where Howie and Alexandria were. Alexandria was also sleeping peacefully in his arms. But he knew that Nastasia would probably crash with AJ this time. So, he wouldn't get her.

"I gave him a good blow to his nose." AJ hissed angrily as Nastasia laid back down on the pillows. AJ sighed heavily as he rested his head on Nastasia's slim stomach. Howie looked away, trying to make the jealously go away.

"JJ, he's a jerk...he always has been...You knew that." Nastasia answered softly as she stroked AJ's dark hair. He sighed heavily as the pain started to dull in his stomach.

"Why him though? I would have rather seen her with the milk boy." AJ whispered softly, tears threatening his eyes. Nastasia sighed softly, she knew what he was dealing with. It was hard.

"Honey, I'm sure she didn't do anything with him-"

"I saw them kiss..." AJ whimpered.

"But-"

"And they were dancing to one of mine and Lauren's songs!" AJ hissed back as he closed his eyes. The pain suddenly intensifying.

"AJ, I dance to songs with other guys..."

"But are they YOUR guys' songs?"

"Yes." Nastasia answered softly as Howie's eyes casted with hurt. He looked away from a moment. Nastasia closed her eyes, not wanting to fight with Howie. "I love Howie with all my heart. And I know the songs are special between us. But I danced with you to our songs, and Bri-Bear. Then there's Nicky...and Kevin-"

"But Howie almost killed Kevin for that!" AJ protested, "RIGHT D?!"

"He's right. It is offensive Stazzie." Howie answered softly. "It hurts us to know you dance with guys to our songs. Those songs are meant for special reasons."

"But-"

"Staz."

"Look, it's nothing. I mean, we know what our songs are. We know the special meaning there is in them...But...I shouldn't be defending her right now should I?" Nastasia groaned.

"No." AJ moaned.

"Look, I'm not saying what she did was good. I'm saying she should of told you...But I can't be mad at her too AJ. It's not fair. I don't think she did anything."

"If you were my sister you'd do this for me." AJ sulked.

"Alexander James-"

"I miss her so much..." AJ trembled as he turned over and buried his head in Nastasia's slim stomach. She felt the sobs release from his body. She stroked his back softly, hopefully trying to comfort him.

*****

AJ slept as much as could be expected that night. His whole body trembled, he pressed against Nastasia for warmth. She hadn't moved from his side, being the best sister she could possibly be.

Nastasia quickly slipped out of bed. They were leaving today. She looked at the other bed to see Howie not there, but Alexandria and Chase sleeping peacefully. She looked oddly and shrugged, walking into the bathroom.

"OHMIGOD!" Nastasia laughed as she walked in. Howie stood at the mirror in a towel wrapped around his waist. He jumped from the sound of her voice. His hair was curling and resting gently on his shoulders. He looked gorgeous.

"Like you haven't seen me naked before." Howie laughed as Nastasia gave him a wry grin. He smiled lightly as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders. His bad arm resting gently. It was wrapped again, tightly.

"Does it hurt?" Nastasia whispered softly. Howie winced, it hurt badly. But he didn't want to admit it. It was his foolish mistake and he knew he'd make Nastasia feel worse about it.

"Not too bad." Howie whispered back. "How was AJ last night? Warm?"

"Stop being jealous. He's my brother. Nothing more or less." Nastasia scolded with a smirk.

"I hope he talks with Lauren."

"Me too."

"But let's focus on us." Howie grinned as he placed a tender kiss on Nastasia's lips. She kissed him back, letting her tongue play gently with his.

"Lets." She grinned, kissing him back more fiercely.

****
AJ waited downstairs in the lobby patiently while the bus was being loaded. He was feeling wretched. Nastasia sat by him while she talked with Nick and Howie. Kevin and Howie still hadn't talked after their fight. Nastasia was a little worried about it too.

"Howie's couch ridden on the bus today." Nastasia grinned wryly as Nick grinned back.

"Hey, as long as your couch ridden with me." Howie laughed.

"Oh, sounds like a deal." Nastasia purred, "Guess we'll have to make love the whole ride down."

"DAMN! I am in!" Howie laughed.

"Not till I get action first!" Nick teased. Nastasia laughed as Nick grinned lightly, then an idea popped into his head. "Staz! What was up with the concert last night?!"

"I had an accident. I was doing the one more and I was doing great, but then I was dancing with him and tripped. Luckily he caught me before I fell!" Nastasia laughed as she remembered her dancing with Kevin the previous night.

"I wouldn't have made you trip." Nick laughed.

"I would have because of your big feet." Nastasia teased. Howie looked at his wife and smiled. He held onto Alexandria tightly as he watched Nick look at Nastasia darkly.

"Shut up Dorough!" Nick glared as he picked her up and whirled her in a circle. She squealed loudly as AJ sighed. He glanced up from his depressed state to see Kevin and Brian talking. Then Lauren walked in.

Everything seemed to stop for him as he watched. His wife was walking his way, yet everything was so slow. He felt his heart burn with a dark passion as she gave him a timid smile, and kept on going.

****

Nastasia felt dizzy by the time Nick let her down. Alexandria giggled loudly as her mother took a few wobbley steps. She looked out the large glass windows and focused on one person.

"Stazzie?" Howie called gently. Her mind swirled. She cleared her mind quickly. She knew who that was. It was him. She couldn't believe Devon had the guts to show up here after what happened.

"Staz?" Nick asked. Nastasia looked back to see AJ not paying attention to anything, then Lauren was walking his way. She sighed hard, no one knew he was out there but her.

"What?" She answered.

"What's the matter?" Howie asked gently.

"I have to go outside for a second." Nastasia answered softly. She was settling this once and for all with Devon. Her anger burned double for AJ as she turned to look back at Nick and Howie.

"Look, that guy out there. I have to go talk with him. If he looks angry or whatever don't come out. I have something to settle with him." Nastasia answered coolly.

"But-" Howie protested.

"Look, if he hits me or sends me flying to the ground... I think I'll be fine...so don't worry about it... But, if he does do something, Nick come out and help. Have Kevvy grab him or something. Howie, do not attempt a thing. Your arm is still pretty bad." Nastasia answered.

"I don't want you to get hurt." Howie whimpered.

"I'll be fine." Nastasia replied as she placed a kiss on his lips. She gave Nick a grateful smile and proceeded out the door. No one watching but Howie and Nick.

Chapter 63:

" You really have some nerve coming here, " Nastasia hissed, glaring hatefully at Devon as she burst out the lobby doors and into the cold air.

Devon spun around and found Nastasia marching up to him. He rolled his eyes, mumbling something under his breath. " What, no professional greeting? " he snickered.

" What the hell do you think you're doing here? " Nastasia mentally told herself to keep her cool, for she could feel herself growing angrier by the second. She knew Devon was up to no good. She could tell.

" I came to see Lauren. "

" She doesn't want to see you. "

" Oh, is that so? Or is that just you talking? "

" Both. I think you better leave, you have no right to be here. "

" I'm not leaving until I talk to Lauren. "

" Don't make me call the police. "

" I'm not leaving until I talk to her. "

" I already told you, she doesn't want to see your sorry ass. "

" Sarcastic bitch, " Devon spat, his eyes growing darker, scaring Nastasia a bit. Out of all the years she had known him, she had never seen him get this look in his eyes.

" Excuse me? "

" You always have been a sarcastic bitch. "

Nastasia could feel herself burning with anger, she wanted to slap the hell out of him at the moment, but something was telling her not to.

" You've got some real issues. "

" One being you as a pain in the ass. "

" Fuck off. "

" No thank you, and I don't think you're husband would appreciate that anyways. "

" Bastard... "

" Slutty bitch. "

*****

" Where'd Stazzie run off to? " A.J asked, looking over to his two friends who were staring off into space towards the lobby doors. " Yo D, where's your wife? "

" She went outside, through the lobby doors, " Howie replied absentmindedly. Alexandria cooed up at her father and playfully punched him in the chest, Howie chuckled.

" Yeah, she looks to be bitching some guy out, " Nick added.

A.J looked at both of them with question then allowed his gaze to follow theirs and he nearly jumped up with surprise. " Devon, " he hissed, his eyes turning a dark, dangerous color.

" Who? " Howie and Nick asked in unison, snapping their heads to him.

A.J didn't bother answering, he was already out the lobby doors.

" You fucking asshole, " Nastasia shouted as she slapped Devon across the face with all her might, leaving the imprint of her hand on his cheek.

" Bitch, you are- " Devon spat as he grabbed her wrist.

" Get your fucking hands off of her! " A.J shouted as he sprinted over and shoved Devon back with great force.

" I should have beat the shit out of you last night when I had the chance! " Devon shouted as he tackled A.J to the ground.

Everything seemed to happen in slow motion to Nastasia as she watched A.J throw a punch at Devon's head, who in return uppercutted him in the gut, throwing him to the pavement.

" STOP IT! " Nastasia found herself screaming, but her voice seemed far away. It was scaring her.

Just then, Lauren came running out, followed hot on her heels by Kevin and Nick.

" ALEX, STOP! " Lauren screamed as she ran over to the two men who were brawling. She tried to pull A.J away, but found it to be a mistake, as she was pushed back by A.J and fell to the ground with a large thud.

" SHIT! " A.J yelled as he felt Devon's fist connect with his mouth and his teeth sank into his inner cheek, just as Kevin and Nick reached them and dragged the two apart. He fell to the ground and coughed, blood dripping from his mouth and onto the pavement.

Kevin pulled Devon up by the collar of his shirt and then threw him back to the ground hastily. " If you don't get your ass out of here right now, I will call the cops and have you arrested for assault, " he hissed, his expression showing he wasn't joking.

" You alright J? " Nick questioned, placing a brotherly hand on A.J's shoulder.

A.J wiped the back of his hand across his mouth, blood smearing across it. He smacked Nick's hand away without an answer and went to lunge at Devon, but Nick held him back.

" Cool it J! "

Lauren sat on the ground her head spinning with shock as she stared at A.J. She felt her anger towards Devon boil, she couldn't believe he would have the nerves to show up here, and then do this. This was all her fault, she should have never went to meet him at the club, she regretted it.

" Alex... " she began as Nick and Kevin hoisted A.J off the ground, and began helping him back into the hotel as he clutched his side, which was aching worse than before.

A.J looked at Lauren hatefully with hurt. " Just stay the hell away from me, " he hissed as he turned back around and headed into the hotel.

Lauren knew that look, it was the same look he had given her when Devon had ruined their relationship the first time. She knew what it meant, and the look in her eyes as she turned to Nastasia, told her that, the tears threatening to spill.

Chapter 64:

After Nick and Kevin brought AJ back to the hotel they were forced to drag AJ's butt back out to the bus. They were leaving for their next destinantion. Nastasia felt angry at Lauren as she went to the back of the bus, following AJ.

Lauren collapsed onto the couch in the front of the bus. She heard the back door slam shut, she knew Nastasia was upset with the mistake she had made. And she knew AJ wanted to divorce her.

"Lauren? Sweetie, you okay?" Denise called gently as she placed a warm hand on Lauren's chilly arm. She looked up as tears continued to flow down her cheeks. Howie sat there silently as Alexandria clung to him, she was fussy because her mother had left.

"I'm horrid." Lauren sobbed as she placed her hands over her face, curling into a tight ball as shakes rattled her insides.

"Why mommy? What happened mommy?" Chase asked quickly. A worried expression etched across his face. She looked up to the mirror image of AJ and frowned. "Mommy? Mommy? What's the matter?"

Chase continued to rattle on until Lauren snapped, "Shut the HELL up Chase! ENOUGH!"

Chase jumped from the sound of his mother. Alexandria began to bawl as tears threatened her eyes. Chase stared darkly at his mother, scowling.

"Aunt Stazzie's better! I don't love you anymore!" He hissed as he went to the bunk beds, using all his force he climbed into the bed and slammed the curtain shut. Lauren winced.

"Great..." Lauren sobbed harder as Brian laid another cool hand on her shoulder. Lauren cried out as she wrapped her arms around Brian. He rocked her softly, trying to control her sobs, but nothing seemed to work.

"Shhh, Laurie...It'll be all right..." Brian cooed softly.

"Don't you understand? AJ's m-m-mad at me... He hates me... Chase doesn't love me... S-S-Staz is t-t-taking AJ's side-"

"No she isn't." Howie answered quickly as he rocked Alexandria with his one hand. His other ached badly as Alexandria continued to fuss loudly.

"Yes she is and I blame her for this too." Lauren snapped angrly. Kevin and Nick looked surprised as she placed the blame on Nastasia. Howie felt his anger burn as Lauren glared hatefully at Alexandria, Nastasia's little twin.

"How could she be to blame?" Nick asked, his eyes darkening a bit.

"She told AJ where I was! I told her not to! But does she listen to me? No! She tells him anyway!" Lauren burst, not knowing how else to deal with this. She knew inside her heart that she was to blame, she just didn't want to admit it.

"Lauren she didn't-"

"Shut up Howie!" Lauren sobbed, "What's the use anyway?!"

"I still would like to know since my two children are in the backroom and won't talk to anyone." Denise sighed as she looked to Lauren. She didn't understand what the problem was, and she didn't understand who the man was that Nastasia and AJ were fighting with.

"Look Denise-" Lauren was about to yell, but there was a loud crash from the backroom, then the sound of a scream. Making everyone jump.

*****

Nastasia watched as she fixed an ice pack and a warm washcloth. She knew AJ's stomach was aching with pain from the uppercut and his cheek was bleeding badly. He was spitting blood into a cup every few minutes.

"God damn bitch. I can't believe she had the nerve! And to think I actually loved her! And I fucking-" AJ cursed as he walked back and forth through the backroom. Nastasia heard the anger in his voice, she only once or twice saw him like this. And he had a bad temper. Only she could calm him down usually.

"Here JJ." Nastasia called softly as she offered him the cloth. He grabbed it and applied it to his inner cheek. He glared as he took the ice too. He still walked around, cursing quietly to himself.

"I can't believe he had the fucking nerve to show up here! If they would have let me, I would have knocked the shit-" AJ cursed as he took the cloth from his mouth. Not caring where the blood was anymore. He chucked it against the wall, making Nastasia jump a bit.

"JJ, you need to calm-"

"THAT ASSHOLE! He took Lauren! My wife! My fucking wife cheated on me! Wait till this gets to the papers! Mr. Wild Backstreet Boy can't please his wife! She runs off with a fucking lawyer. More tonight!" AJ cursed as he looked back, his anger threatening more than ever. His head ached as he looked at the picture. One of him and Lauren sitting with Chase.

Nastasia watched as AJ eyed the photograph carefully. His eyes turned a dark color as he continued to stare at it. A wild look returning to his eyes. She was scared to death, he was acting like her father. Her heart started to pump with an intense beat as AJ stared at the picture.

Each boy had placed a photograph in the back that he liked the most. To remind them of home. AJ laughed cruely as he picked up the picture. Looking at it once more he hurled it against the wall. Not caring where it went. He picked the next picture up and chucked it again, crashing to a million pieces the glass cracking onto the floor. Then another picture which contained him, Lauren, Nastasia and Howie sitting together. He chucked it as hard as he possibly could, which connected with Nastasia's arm.

Nastasia yelped as the picture connected with her right forearm, clattering and smashing on her arm, hard. She fell to the ground with the glass, sobbing. Clutching her arm tightly as she wailed, "Damnit Alexander! Stop! You're scaring me!"

AJ snapped out of it as he looked at his dear friend on the floor, surrounded by glass. He looked to see her arm turning a dangerous purple color and blood trickling down it. He had hit her pretty hard.

"Just stop it AJ, stop. This isn't right...Stop!" Nastasia cried as tears trickled down her cheeks. AJ's heart wrenched with pain as she held her arm and rocked herself gently. Like so many nights after her father abused her.

"I'm so sorry Nastasia!" AJ whispered as he came running over. The blood dripping from his cheek as he spit it out. He held Nastasia tightly in his arms, rocking with her. She seemed to be in terrible agony. He knew he hit her hard. "I'm so sorry Stazzie, I'm so sorry."

"I know...just stop...you're s-s-scaring me..." Nastasia whimpered as tears continued to flow down her pale cheeks. The pain intensifying as she tried to move her arm. She kept it there as the blood continued to flow. It seemed so familar to the episodes with her father, but he never apologized.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." AJ repeated as his tears started to mix with Nastasia's tears. He buried his head in her soft pale hair as they both cried, "I hurt too Stazzie, I hurt too Stazzie, I really do."

Chapter 65:

Lauren jumped from the sounds of crashing. Her heart beat to a maximum as everyone's eyes darted toward the back door. She knew the scream had been from Nastasia. She sat there, frozen.

"What the?" Nick questioned as Denise stood up, a worried look on her face. She walked back to the room without a word, her heart pumping in unison with every step.

"Wait!" Kevin called loudly, he jumped up and ran after Denise. The sounds of more crashing and sobbing continued as Howie cuddled Alexandria.

The pair reached the closed door and stopped, hearing sobbing coming from inside. Denise reached for the door and opened it carefully.

"Stazzie sweetheart?" Kevin called softly as Denise's hands shook. Fear was racing through the both of them. They were afraid to see what laid ahead.

Denise stood in shock seeing the sight of the back room, and Nastasia still hugging A.J as the two of them sobbed.

"I'm so sorry Stazzie. I'm so sorry." AJ repeated over and over as he rocked her gently. Kevin looked at them oddly as Nick and Howie walked back also.

"Omg, Stazzie...what happened?!" Howie asked, nearly dropping Alexandria, but he handed her over to Denise and rushed to Nastasia.

"N-N-Nothing..." Nastasia sniffled as she held her arm a little tighter. AJ already felt bad about it, plus it wasn't his fault. It was hers, or so she thought.

"Baby, what happened to your arm?" Howie asked, moving her hand away, to examine the injury. It wasn't as bad as it looked. It was just the blood that made it look ugly.

"I tried to catch one of AJ's throws...I missed..." Nastasia joked, it hurt bad though.

"What the hell were you doing?" Howie hissed towards A.J, seeing all the glass lying shattered near the wall.

"Don't start Howie. I'm fine, it's fine..." Nastasia answered softly as she looked at AJ, she could see the regret in his eyes. He had been one of those people who swore never to hurt her, because he had seen the damage of her father. And he had gone back on that promise, just like Lauren had gone back on hers.

"I didn't mean to, I swear..." A.J whispered, his eyes becoming apologetic as he stared blankly at the result of his temper on Nastasia's arm.

"See, he didn't mean to. Leave it be..." Nastasia answered softly.

Denise handed Alexandria to Kevin and went over to her son and bent down in front of him trying to get his attention as Howie helped Nastasia up and led her away to fix the small cut on her arm.

"Alex?"

AJ looked lost as he stared at his mother. He fixed his attention to the glass surrounding the place where Nastasia was sitting. Then the droplets of blood. He winced in rememberance. He couldn't believe what happened.

"Alex, honey?" Denise repeated.

"Wha?" AJ asked softly, snapping his thoughts away.

" What's wrong? What happened in here?"

"I got mad." AJ shrugged softly, his eyes watering over with tears. He couldn't believe he had hurt his best friend just because of his wife.

" Can you give us a few minutes? " Denise asked, motioning to Kevin and Nick who were still standing there with questioning faces.

"Oh, uh sure. We'll go check on Stazzie's arm." Kevin answered, who hoisted Alexandria a little higher and walked out.

Denise turned back to A.J and frowned, seeing his eyes glistening with tears. " What's going on? "

"My whole life is crashing down around me mom...Stazzie was trying to be there for me...and I hurt her...I can't even keep my wife satisfied..." AJ answered, breaking down.

" Keep Lauren satisfied? What do you mean Alex? "

"She went back to him, him of all people mom!"

" Who? " Denise asked, confusion clouding her eyes.

"Devon." AJ hissed, the one word which would send him into fits of anger. He just couldn't believe it, his heart ached as he stared at his loving mother.

" No, you must be mistaken. She told me she hasn't seen him in years. "

"She lied." AJ answered, "Like so many other times..."

" That can't be true. "

"Mom, I swear to God. She did. She kissed him, she was dancing with him to OUR song! That was the guy who grabbed Stazzie, who was going to hit Stazzie! She lied to me mom! She lied!" AJ answered, his voice coming out cracked and squeaky as the tears burned.

" When did this happen? " Denise whispered in surprise. She was fond of Lauren and couldn't believe that she would do something like this.

"Yesterday...all yesterday..." AJ whispered, "But how can I be sure that it wasn't longer?"

" How can you be sure that it's what you're thinking it is? "

"Mom they kissed, I saw them kiss! Why are you backfiring everything and sticking up for her?!"

" Don't raise your voice with me, " Denise snapped, but softened when she saw the shocked look in her son's eyes. " All I'm sayin is- "

"I don't want to hear it mom!"

" Fine, " Denise sighed as she stood up, agitated by his attitude. She felt he was being a bit on the stubborn side and she was wasting her time trying to reason with him. " You know where I am if you want to talk. "

"Fine." AJ sulked as he watched his mother disappear out the door. Sighing softly he climbed back onto the couch and slipped down in it, hoping he would just disappear.

" Alex? "

The voice creeped it's way into A.J's mind and he looked up to see Lauren standing in the middle of the room, staring at him with worry. " What the hell do you want? "

"I-I-I wanted to see how you were." Lauren answered softly, her voice coming strained and very soft.

" I don't want to see you so get out of my sight, " A.J snapped.

"I want to talk though." Lauren called softly, her voice tender and fairly worried. Her sapphire eyes dark and bloodshot from tears.

"I don't care what the hell you want."

"I want to say-"

"I DON'T CARE!"

"You can at least listen to me!"

"I think you lost that right!"

"No I didn't, I'm still your wife damnit."

"I've been thinking about that-"

"I want to say I'm sorry-"

"Isn't it a little late for that?" AJ laughed cruely.

"Alexander I want-"

"I don't give a fuck what you want! I want a divorce! That's what I want!" AJ roared.

Chapter 66:

Nastasia's arm ached as Howie sat her back down on the couch. She hated the feeling of being helpless, but he wouldn't let her do a thing. Carefully he wrapped her tender arm up in an ace bandage.

"OUCH!" Nastasia winced as he applied pressure. The blood was still coming out, and he wasn't sure on whether or not she had sprained it. So, he wanted to be safe.

"Sorry, I'm not the one who injured you though." Howie answered softly as he continued to wrap it. He was still mad at AJ, he had no clue what had happened in there, but he sure as hell was going to find out.

"Stop it." Nastasia whispered as tears threatened her eyes. It hurt so badly, she just wanted to cry. The bruises were already darker than expected, but she was positive it wasn't broke.

"Want some ice?" Kevin asked as he held an icepack out to Nastasia. "Or do you want a kid?"

"Howie or Alexia?" Nastasia teased. Howie glared at her as she smiled softly. With her good arm she pulled him close and whispered, "I love you."

"You too." He grinned as he placed a tender kiss on her lips. She was so happy to have him back the way he was. She knew she loved him.

"OKAY! TAKE THE DAMN KID!" Kevin groaned as he pushed Alexandria into Nastasia's good arm. Alexandria immediatly cuddled into her mother's arms. Obviously happy to have her mother back.

"Hi baby." Nastasia cooed.

"Mama." Alexandria cooed back, her emerald green eyes sparkling with playfullness. Nastasia thought it was like looking into a mirror.

"Aunt Staz?" Chase called sadly. Nastasia looked up to see a frustrated nephew come walking her way. Howie sat comfortably with his arm around Nastasia as Chase crawled onto her lap with Alexandria.

"What's the matter baby?" Nastasia cooed as she brushed away his tangled dark curls with her good arm. She rested her bad arm on Howie's leg, he applied the ice carefully to it.

"Mommy's mad at me. I don't love her." Chase grumbled.

"Have you been talking to your daddy?"

"What happened?" Chase asked, changing the subject quickly. Nastasia looked down at her bad arm, everyone's eyes averted to her. Curious to know what happened back there.

"Nothing, I ran into a wall." Nastasia shrugged.

"Blondie." Chase laughed.

"Did daddy teach you that?" Nastasia laughed.

"Duh!"

"Buttmunch." Nastasia laughed as Chase's eyes turned lighter and happier. She turned back to Howie and placed a cool kiss on his lips. He smiled.

"Are you going to tell us what happened?" Howie asked softly as Alexandria cuddled closer to her mother, resting her head on Nastasia's bosom, obsorbing the heat as Nastasia looped her arm around both children.

"AJ and I-" Nastasia was about to say, but she heard the slam of a door. She jumped from the sound as she turned to see Lauren running up to her. Her eyes filled with tears as she stared at Nastasia hurtfully. "What Lauren?"

"AJ..."

"What?"

"HE WANTS A DIVORCE!" Lauren screamed.

Chapter 67:

Nastasia stared at Lauren as her friend stood in front of her, shaking as the tears rolled down her cheeks. Even though she was a bit angry with her, she was speechless.

Chase looked up at his aunt with confusion. " What's divorce Aunt Stazzie? " he asked, his childish innocence making Nastasia wince because he had no idea what was going on between his parents. " Huh? What's divorce? "

" How about you go with Uncle Howie to the dining area where Grammy and everyone else is and have some lunch while I talk to your mommy? " Nastasia suggested, making a lame attempt at changing the subject.

Chase glared up at his mother as he hopped down from Nastasia's lap. " I don't love Mommy anymore. "

Lauren began to sob harder as she collapsed onto the couch beside Nastasia. Chase didn't understand how hurtful his words were as Howie began to lead him away.

" Laurie, you're gonna need to calm down before we can talk, " Nastasia said as she turned to her sobbing friend.

" How can you expect me to calm down when I've just found out my marraige is over?! " Lauren cried as she buried her head in her hands, shaking from the sobs that were racking her body.

" If you want to talk, you're gonna need to calm down so I can actually talk to you, " Nastasia replied gently.

" I didn't go to the club to do anything, I only went to visit Devon! " Lauren said suddenly as she looked up at Nastasia through tearful eyes.

" JJ doesn't know or understand that. He thinks you've been cheating on him, " Nastasia answered softly, surprising Lauren.

" I've never cheated on him! "

" I know. "

" Then how can he say I've been cheating on him?! "

" Because he said he saw you kissing Devon and- "

" But I didn't kiss Devon! He kissed me while we were dancing! "

" Laurie- "

" I swear to God that I didn't kiss him! "

" Wether you kissed him or not, you already caused damage by going to see Devon without telling JJ and of course that is going to piss him off. He has a right to be angry about that. I told you you shouldn't have gone to go see Devon at the club because he would cause nothing but trouble. You didn't listen to me and look- "

" Why are you going against me?! "

" I'm not. "

" You are too! You're taking Alex's side! "

" I am not Laurie, I'm just saying that I warned you that something bad was going to happen. But you didn't listen. "

" You are going against me! "

" I am not! "

" I made a stupid mistake Stazzie, God I made such a stupid mistake. I never meant to hurt Alex by going to the club to see Devon. I knew he wasn't fond of him, that's why I didn't tell him! " Lauren sobbed harder as she pulled her knees up to her chest, breathing in deeply, but shakily.

" You should have told him. You and I both know that, " Nastasia answered as she wrapped her arms around Lauren comfortingly.

" I didn't want to hurt him... "

" But you ended up hurting him by not telling him, because now he thinks you're cheating on him. "

" But I'm not! "

" I know that, but he doesn't and he won't listen at the moment. "

" What am I going to do about Chase? I don't want him to be without his father like he was before! What am I going to do?! "

" First of all, you're gonna calm down. Then you're gonna give JJ a while to cool off before you- "

" But he won't listen to me! He wouldn't even let me talk when I tried talking to him! "

" I know, but you need to let him cool off first. "

" Why did I do this Stazzie? "

" Shouldn't you be able to answer that better than me? "

*****

Chase sat at the large fold-out table, watching as his uncle balanced his cousin in one arm and reached into the cupboards with the other. Denise had gone back to talk to A.J again along with Kevin, while Nick and Brian had both gone to their bunks to lie down.

Just then, A.J walked into the dining area and walked over to the fridge, reaching in and grabbing a coke, while not making a move to say anything.

" Hi Daddy! " Chase piped up, his eyes becoming lighter and happier. He was really close to his father.

A.J grumbled at his son and returned to the back of the bus.

Chase looked up at Howie with saddened eyes. " Is Daddy mad at me? "

" No, he isn't mad at you buddy. "

" Did I make Mommy cry? " Chase asked, forgetting why he was mad at her. He didn't know why she had been crying, he thought it was his fault.

" No, you didn't. "

" Then why was she crying? "

" I don't know, " Howie lied as Alexandria began to fuss for her bottle and he retrieved it out of the fridge for her.

*****

" I'm sick of her bullshit, I don't want to deal with it. I can't and I won't! " A.J hissed as he plopped back down on the couch, watching as his mother cleaned up the broken glass and picked up the pictures.

" Are you thinking reasonably about this J? " Kevin questioned as he sat up in his seat. " You haven't given Lauren a chance to explain- "

" I don't need to! I saw what I saw! "

" But divorce J? Isn't that overreacting a little? "

" She's cheating on me! Getting a divorce is going light if you ask me! "

" You don't know if she's actually cheating on you. "

" I saw her kissing him with my own eyes. I think that's all the proof I need! "

" Have you even thought about Chase? "

" I'll get custody of him! "

" That's not fair to Lauren. "

" And it's not fair to me that she cheated! "

" Maybe if you would listen- "

" I don't need to listen! If you want to take her side, that's fine with me. I really don't give a fuck because I am through with her! " A.J hissed as he stood up from the couch, glaring angrily at Kevin, making both Kevin and Denise wince. He strided out the door and walked into the bunks area and climbed into his bunk, slamming the curtin shut with anger, then slammed his head back onto the pillow. He allowed the tears to flow from his eyes as he stared up at the bunk cieling, just letting all of his anger flow from him, and soon he fell into a fitful sleep.