1. From The End by Destiny
2. Wynn Dixie by Destiny
3. Don't I Know You? by Destiny
4. Paint Me Across The Sky by Destiny
Some people have the luxury to love their parents, I wish I could say that about mine. Being eighteen and growing up in Alabama Georgia isn't what I'd call the best place to raise a family but then again my parents wouldn't change if we half way across the globe. See, their a bit close minded when it comes to race. 'Whites keep to themselves, it's better on everyone if we don't go messing around with them others.' Out of everything you could teach a child my father taught us this. Mother seemed not as bad as him but still had her opinion of people of color. My brothers seem to get along fine with the ideal that whites are better...and being the third son I'm expected to feel the same but I don't. Everyone is an equal in my eyes. God created us all to live in his world and take care of us in our journey home. I'm ashamed to call them family most of the time. I feel guilty for having to love them but no one can pick their family, if I could I wouldn't be here suffering right now. With the whole family being racist and that really not sitting well with me I enrolled into a diverse school and that didn't sit well with them. Well, no one can live for their parents, that's madness! In doing so I found the love of my life, Lila. From the moment I saw her my heart skipped a beat and right then and there I knew what I was meant to do in my life. Granted those are strong feelings to have for someone at such a young age but I felt them nonetheless. I loved how her voice painted the sky, eyes would shine far brighter then any star oh..how I could go on and on about Lila's beauty. She was perfect for me in any and every way possible but there was one problem...
...she's black...
...and I'm white...
Most people would consider that a problem, most people meaning my family. I don't know how they would...wait I do know how they would take this and it wouldn't be sitting down. They would blow it way out of proportion and make it into a crime for a white boy to love a black girl. Judging by them I can tell that confessing my love for her would put her in danger for there is no telling what my father might do. I'd kill him myself before I let him put a hand on her, she couldn't help us falling in love and no one could. I really enjoy spending my time with Lila, she's the better half of me so to speak.
James took a much needed break from reading his past journal entries. Things had changed so much from that confession and it was hard to tell which way was up anymore. Making his way to his kitchen he fixed himself a glass of water to calm his jittery nerves. "Six years..." He muttered to the silence that greeted him. "It's been six years..." Finishing the glass he sat it in the sink and slowly walked back up to his bedroom. Passing a picture of Lila he stopped dead in his tracks...picking up the photo of them at the city fair. Tears burned his eyes thinking of the happiest days of his life. Taking the photo with him he laid across his bed finding a bit of restless sleep.
"Hey mom," Eighteen year old James asked his mother coming in from school, "what's for dinner?"
"One of your favorites" She smiled cutting potatoes.
"Oh come on ma you know the boy eats anything." Jacob, one of his older brothers, joked.
"Knock it off boys, your mother has better things to tend to then your bickering so stop."
"Hey Pop, do you think I could work a bit of overtime at the store? I'm going to ask Jenny out and I need cash."
"Sure, I'll give you a couple extra hours." Matthew beamed at his favorite son, taking a glance at James he sighed. "Isn't it about time you get a job boy?"
"Dad, the word boy in that context, is so done with."
"Thanks dad, now you got him started on his 'I'm going to collage so I'm smarter then you,' aww why don't you give it a rest already."
"I'm not trying to say I'm smarter then anyone it's just..."
"What do you mean then Joe Collage, please by all means enlighten us?" Jacob really knew how to push James buttons when he wanted to and this was one of those times. "What cat got your tongue eh?"
"No."
"Well?" Jacob pushed and James thought for a minute and laughed in his face casing Jacob to be confused. "What's so funny?"
"It's funny how you always find a way to back me into the corner because I decided to do something more for myself then take on the store." James stated. "I can't help it if I want bigger and better things then you did. I'm sorry but I can't settle for this small town life...I need more."
"That's well said James," Conner, his other brother, stated from his place in the door.
"You agree with him?" Jacob asked astonished.
"Well, hell son there's nothing wrong with him wanting that, at least he'll get out and make something good of himself and be useful." James didn't know if he should take that as an insult or complement but he left well enough alone. It was a sign of a good day when his father took his side on issues, which was once in a blue moon.
"Can one of you run out to the store for me?" Martha asked with no one in mind. "I was planing on backing an apple pie but all the ones we had where rotten."
"Well I can't go." Jacob stated fast.
"I second that." Conner smirked.
"And why not?"
"You want us to risk running into a colored?" Matthew laughed at his older boys.
"Oh now stop it." Martha hissed. "Ain't nothing wrong with them just one of you go." Matthew looked at his wife angered by her statement.
"What do you mean there's nothing wrong with them? Their dirty Martha, dirty and hear? They don't deserve to breathe the same air as us!" Shaking her head she decided to keep quite. Nothing good was to come out of him on this subject.
"I'll go for you mom." James placed his book bag on the table hanging his father the paper. "Is that all you need?" Martha thought for a minute.
"Yeah, that should be all." She handed him a ten and sent him on his way. Such it was such a nice afternoon he decided to walk to Wynn Dixie..."All your shopping needs." He laughed, reciting the commercials. Upon going into the store he saw many young ladies looking his way and being the gentleman he'd brought himself up to be he smiled with a little wave and continued to the produce section.
".....so that proves my point even more...." As he got closer he heard two voices and identified them as females, which made him all the happier since he forgot he didn't know a thing about apple picking. "He's a good match for you, and you know it." Just as one voice said that he rounded the corner.
"I'm not interested in a guy who's in love with himself."
"He's not in love with himself...just well..." Sighing she gave up, " it's not his fault Lila!"
"Nesse please, the man works out twice a day..."
"Wants to keep in shape...."
"Tells himself how gorgeous he is...."
"Self esteem..."
"No, Nesse more like conceded to me." Lila stated placing another orange in her basket.
"He's not conceited..."
"Your right..." Lila agreed with her and Nesse's face lite up."....he's not conceded...he's deranged." Nesse sighed throwing her hands in the air.
"I give up."
"Thank you." Lila laughed at her friend turning her head to see they had an audience. Lila smiled kindly at the young man that looked around her age as a fact. "Don't mind me friend here, she was dropped on her head as a baby." James returned her smile and laughed a bit to himself.
"Maybe if you where to you'd think straight." Nesse muttered. "I'll go get the milk before we forget the real reason we came here." Smiling she went on to the dairy section. After a few more minutes of pretending he knew what he was doing he decided to ask for help, looking up he made eye contact with Lila again and that's when it hit him.
"You have really beautiful eyes...." He scolded himself for saying it out loud and his red face to show for it. Lila smiled and said a quite thank you. He smiled and watched her carmel hands examine each orange she placed in her cart. Picking up his third apple two fell to the floor and he cursed himself in a quite manner making laughter escape Lila. Without looking he made a mental note that the sound was more then he could handle...it held her grace and beauty.
"I take it you don't do the shopping in your family?" She asked, shocking him by speaking a whole sentence.
"No and by the judge of things I'd say that wouldn't be a very wise ideal." They both laughed. "To tell you the truth I don't know why I volunteered myself for this task, I know nothing on apples, grocery in general..." He flashed a smile and was rewarded once again with her laugh.
"Here," She walked over to him, "let me help." He smiled and watched her pick a few red apples. "How many did you need?" He thought for a minute.
"Just enough for my mother to bake a pie."
"Ah, I see." She stated and added two more apples to make five. "I don't know if she'll need that many but it's better safe then sorry." Lila looked into his eyes and found calmness she never thought she'd find from anyone. Under his gaze she became trapped with a feeling she never thought she could have but dismissed it. No need to start having feelings for someone you don't know and just met in the last hour.
"Ready to go Lila?" Nesse asked from behind her making her jump a little.
"Yeah," Lila broke contact with those intense blue eyes. Smiling once again she gave him a good-bye and he gave her just the same. After she was gone he stood there for a moment and reflected on the last scene. If any of his brothers had came they would have rather chew off there right arm then ask a colored to help them. James sighed pushing them out of his head and thought about the girl who'd left him in a haze with just to sound of her voice.
"Lila...her name is Lila."
"Come on boys, breakfast is on the table getting cold so shake a leg now!" Martha called up the stiars and was greeted by the sound of heavy, running feet. "Now you have lunch money James?" Jacob and Conner exchanged lookes.
"Yeah mom, I got it, I'm all set." He smiled taking a bite of his toast as his father made his intrance. Kissing Martha on the cheek he sat down to enjoy his meal.
"We have a lot of work to do at the store today Jacob, I wouldn't make any plans if I were you."
"Today? Daddy you know I have a game tonight so I can't work. Can I...."
"Now look here boy you asked me for more time and I'm giving it to you and all you can do is complane?"
"I'm sorry sir." Jacob reframed from talking. Matthew looked at his son with a look to kill but changed the subject.
"We have new auto body parts coming in for Mr. Marrow's car and we need to have it fixed but tomorrow morning," He stated with a mouth full of eggs, "said he'd pay us doouble if we did and we need that money."
"Yeah to send the colored boy to school." Conner laughed at his brothers joke on James.
"Where do you get off on man?"
"Boys..." Martha warned.
"No it's okay mom, I really want to know. Does it matter that much that I go to a diverse school?"
"I don't see why you had to go and do that James! Coloreds have never had good education, their as dumb as a bunch of rocks." Matthew stated. "I tell you what they need to do, ship all those niggers back across the sea and let America be!"
"America is the land of the free, to everyone dad!"
"Don't you flip your mouth at me boy! Or I'll knock you one good! Your mother is the only reason I even allow you to carry on in that school, if a school is what you should call it. Ya hear me?" James stayed silent for the rest of breakfast till it was time for school and he bid his mother a farwell.
"Don't mind your father dear, you know how he gets on colored people...what you say is right, we all are equal." She whispered into his ear shocking him. Taking a look back at his mother he noticed the same fire he had in his eyes. He smiled knowing that she was getting the war of blacks and whites was unnessary. "You keep dreaming your dream you hear?" James nodded and kissed her cheek.
"Thanks mom." He stated and started towards his car. Martha watched till his car was out of sight and made her way back into the house where in twenty minutes she'd be alone with the boys and Matthew being at the store. James cruised the streets waving to people he passed alone the way and on the far right hand he saw a figure being crowed by young boys. As he got closer he heard a cry for help and stopped. Getting out the car and running to the side of the road he found a young black girl being taunted by white boys.
"Scared arn't ya nigga? You should be..." One called.
"Hey!" James called out, breaking between the group and girl.
"Move James. this has nothing to do with you." Lenny stated.
"It has everything to do with me Lenny, and you being one of my best friends you should be on my side here!" James yelled, turing his attention to the scared girl he smiled as kindly as he could. "Are you alright darlin?" He asked, handing her books over to her. Tears escaped her eyes as she looked at the ground.
"She can't understand you James, you for one should know their eliderate."
"I beg to differ..." A new voice came. The group turned and looked upon another girl, one much older then their victim. "My sister is very smart for her age she just doesn't like to talk."
"Well, well, well, what do we have here boys?" Lenny smirked making his way around her. "You know for all the niggers round these parts I wouldn't mind giving you a nice fuck." He laughed with his buddies grabing himself he got real close to her. "You can have it baby, only if you play nice." He turled a bit of her hair around his fingers.
"I don't think so." She roughly jerked away from him and made her way next to her sister.
"Are you okay Ami?" The small girl nodded and held on to her for dear life.
"Aww ain't that cute." One boy teased. James got up in his face ready to pound him.
"Look, if you guys don't want any problems from me then I really suggest that you back the fuck off." James stated through gritted teeth. Lenny flipped him off and the others began to leave.
"Never thought I'd see the day when a colored means more then our friendship...."
"Theres a first time for everything." James yelled and turned back to the girls. After she calmed down her sister she turnted to thank the young man that has came to her sister's rescue.
"Thank...." She paused. "Hey, don't I know you from somewhere?"
"Lila....apples....store..." He found himself fumbling with his words and she smiled at his cuteness. James looked down at the young girl. "Ami is it?" He asked and she smiled a bit nodding yes. "Well Ami, since you've have such a bad moring how about I take you out for ice cream? That is, after school?" Ami smiled from ear to ear but it soon faded. She motioned him to come closer to hear her.
"Can Lila come to?" James smiled looking into her soft eyes.
"I wouldn't dream without it." Ami smiled and held her sisters hand. Lila smiled and the picked a time after school. "Speaking of school we're going to be late if we don't leave now." James stated offering them a ride and they accepted. After safty dropping Ami off with her teacher the two made their way to Keystone High. "So Lila, which is a beautgul name by the way, what caused you to be my angel of apple picking yesterday?" Flirting, he was flirting with her and no matter how corny it might have been he was reassured by the laughter....musical laughter.
"I love oranges, their smell and taste...they are by far my favorite fruit." She glaced at his smile. "Not to mention they where on sale and freshed sqeezed orange juice isn't bad if you think about it."
"I don't think I've ever made oragne juice before."
"Really? You'll have to come over sometime and try it out though I should warn you, it's messy and you might smell like critrus for a while." She joked.
"I can' handel it, trust me," He laughed, "I can handel it." Lila ofered another warm smile towards James. She had never really interacted with a lot of friendly people as she did now. Most of the time people tended to be to shallow, caught up on their own lives to really give anyone else a second look. "I'm really sorry about those boys...it goes to show you how nothing has really changed from the past."
"It's okay, I understand...." She spoke in a hushed tone and already James missed her upbeat self. "Some are just to scared of changing what they have been raised to know, for those of us on the wrong end of the deal we just have to accept it."
"You shouldn't have to." He soothed to her while pulling into a free space. After shutting off the car he turned to look into her now sad eyes. " I could never tell you why people are so scared of somthing different in the first place, and I'm deeply sorry for that." He bravly took her hand in his own slightly smiling on how they fit. "You see this?" He showed her their hands and Lila looked. "I see no difference between you and me...well, besides the whole male and female but I think you know what I'm getting at." Lila laughed at his joke and James felt a bit more at ease. Hearing the first warning bell sound off the two stepped out the car and headed into the building, starting something that was much more then they ever knew.
"And where do you think your going?" Jacob asked from James' doorway. "Got yourself a hot date tonight?" James just ignored his brothers remarks and continued dressing. He was wearing a bit baggy blue jeans with a black shirt, nothing fancy just causal but comparable all the same. "Well?" Jacob pressed when he didn't answer him.
"Not that it's any of your business but I'm going out with some friends tonight is that okay with you?" He asked a bit annoyed with Jacob who smirked.
"Fine by me." He walked further into the room and sat on the edge of James' bed. He absentmindedly starting drumming his fingers on the bed post.
"Is there something else I can help you with?" James stated trying to get Jacob out of his room. "I really need to get going." To finalize his point he reached for his car keys.
"Why do you go to that school? No, I mean really why? Are you trying to prove something here because lets face it James, we don't mix with those coloreds."
"Look Jacob I'm not going to get into that with you right now. I go there because I'm not so closed minded about other people in this world and it's a great school for me when I don't want to end up as some racist red neck!" James pushed Jacob out of his room and made his way downstairs to find his mother in the kitchen on the phone. "Where's dad?" He mouthed to her and she smiled a bit at seeing him.
"At the store hun, so Anna I was talking to James...yeah I heard about that, didn't she...."
"Thanks see you later." She waved at her son and resumed her conversation.
"James! James!" Jacob called to his brother. "Don't go turning into a nigger lover." James' blood ran cold as he started up his car, backing out the driveway he looked back at his house in shame of his family. Hard as it was he pushed all that out of his head and looked once again at the address written on a small piece of paper. Smiling to himself and thinking that he was going to spend some time with an amazing girl this evening was more then enough to take his mind off his confused family. Pulling up to her house he felt a calm come over him, a calm he didn't even get when going into his own home. Shutting off the car James made his way to the door and smiled as he saw Ami run to the door with a smile he was sure could reach the sky. "Hello little lady." He winked at her. "Would Lila be home?" Ami nodded and ran off into the house yelling for Lila.
"Lila, James is here...hurry up! I want my ice cream."
"Ami keep it down all right? Mama's trying to work..."
"Sorry mama..." Ami laughed a bit. "But Lila's taking so long..." James laughed with the girl and in the hallway he saw Lila appear and his breath was caught.
"You know how mom gets Ami," She turned to James. "I'm sorry about that, I was doing some reading and I couldn't find away to put the book down."
"Don't worry to much about it. Which book where you pulled into?"
"A Handmaids Tale." She smiled. "It's an amazing book so far." Ami looked between the two as they talked and starting to forget about her ice cream. With a smile she put together that they liked each other, though she might have been called wrong for her being so young but still, she didn't miss the signs. "...the description was way out there."
"I know what you mean, I'm reading the same book...Margaret Atwood right?" Lila nodded, amazed to find they have more common interest.
"You know what guys I don't think I want any ice cream." Ami looked into their eyes. "Why don't you just go out for some and I'll stay home and help mama." Lila looked at her sister weird for backing down to ice cream, something was going on here and she couldn't find. "Have a good time and come back at a respectable hour thank you." Ami laughed and closed to the door leaving to two outside.
"I like your sister." James laughed.
"Yeah I do to, most of the time that is." He lead her to his car and being the gentleman that he is he opened the door causing Lila to giggle. "She's up to something, I just can't put my foot on it that's all." Lila thought and James took her hand in his.
"Don't worry about it, I'm sure whatever it is it's harmless." Lila laughed at that remark. "What?" James joined her. "Do I have something on my face?" He glanced at her every so often.
"Hey, keep your eyes on the road cowboy." He just shook his head in amusement.
"Just trying to make friendly conversation Miss. Lila." He stated in an accent and Lila gently pushed his arm laughing a bit with him.
"Making conversation huh? Well, how do you like that book so far? I never got a chance to ask you." James thought for a minute trying to collect his opinion of it. "I take that you don't like it very much?"
"No not at all, I've been reading it for almost a week now...in between school and whatnot." He drummed the stirring wheel. "I find A Handmaids Tale very interesting I mean how Atwood sees the future of mankind ending up."
"I know it seems as thought in the book we're going backward where women have no rights and men rule of everything." Lila stated as they pulled up to a little ice cream shack. Stepping out James once again gets her door and listens to her as she explains her views.
"I see your point." He took her hand once again and led her up to order. "I mean, it's my second time reading it and I can't help but wonder if that's what the worlds going to be like? Is that what we're building towards? Women won't be treated as equals anymore..."
"But even less then we already where....deprived of learning and becoming only a child bearer." James smiled at her emotion on the book and felt warm knowing that he had someone to talk about things such as books. None of his so called friends ever seemed interested in anything but how to get laid and things of that nature. "What?" Lila asked after they had ordered, she had found him staring at her. "Did I say something wrong? Sometimes my mouth seems to run away with me...it's one of my worst habits."
"Oh no!" He begged. "I love hearing what you think, it helps me to believe that someone else out there in the world is opened to more then just TV"
"Orders up!" The cashier yelled and they turned around to pay him.
"No please, let me." James handed the kid a five and told him to keep the change.
"You really didn't have to." Lila smiled.
"Yeah, but I wanted to. Plus I invited you so it's only right that I pay." He scooped some of his chocolate ice cream in his mouth making faces.
"Don't eat it so fast." Lila laughed. "You might get a brain freeze." James stood in place for a moment.
"To late." Shaking his head to help it off they sat at one of the little tables, putting distance between them and the others. "So Miss. Lila, how does a girl like you stay single?"
"Who said I was?" James smile fell as he tried not to show it mattered but she could already see it in his eyes. "I'm not seeing anyone at the moment. I guess I haven't found someone who I've connected with on an intellectual level and that's what I what. Physical attraction is great but that will only get you so far...I know this might sound stupid but I want a forever. Maybe I won't find it now but I hope I will someday...that would be nice."
"How do you know that? That someday could be today?"
"That's the beauty of it."
"Not knowing?"
"Exactly! I mean I don't know when or where it's gonna hit me..."
"What if it already has and you just don't know it yet?" Lila stopped and tired to read his face to see if he was making a joke but found nothing giving amusement.
"I'm so young..."
"Romeo and Juliet where even younger."
"Never thought I'd hear a boy say that." They laughed. "What about you Mr. James, do you have a girlfriend?"
"I can't imagine having a girlfriend right now when this is the one place I'm most happiest to be." Lila blushed at his comment. "I don't know what it is about you Lila but..." James sighed and played with the last of his ice cream. "...I feel like I know you..."
"Like we've met before?" Lila placed another scoop of vanilla in her mouth.
"I don't know, I can't explain it." James looked into her brown eyes. "I won't dare question it, for I fear this might be nothing but a mere dream taunting me." Lila smiled.
"Are you a writer?"
"No."
"Well, you should be." Lila smiled as he took her empty cup and threw them away. "Hey look." She pointed towards the horizon as the sun was setting. "God if I could be any color I'd be the color of the sunset." She sighed and James smiled. "Just paint me across the sky...I won't mind."
"I'm sure." He smiled watching it with her. "So you rescue helpless people in the produce section, stand up to the village idiots and read books." Lila nodded at his recap of herself. "Is there anything else you want to add to your list?"
"Love for my family, friends...that..." She sighed watching the last shades of color clash with the darkening sky. "....and the sunset..."