Thank You



“Well that was another sucky game. I can’t believe they lost again.” I was walking down the hall with AJ. We had been watching a football game at Brian’s room; well more like Brian, some of the bodyguards and I had been watching the game, while AJ had been drinking a couple of beers and playing cards with Billy the whole time – poor guy, he really wanted to see the game but AJ convinced him otherwise. Of course he managed to win every game of cards, made fun of me every time my team lost a play and was an annoying asshole the whole time as always. After the game we stayed at Brian’s room for more than three hours but I managed to leave them, using a stomach ache as an excuse. Not that it was a complete lie, my stomach was really bothering me but not that much. Sure the minute I decided to go AJ thought it was time for him to leave as well, probably wanting to be a pain in my ass for a little longer. You know, the whole ‘No Nick to piss off, no fun.’


“Oh come on Kaos, you weren’t really expecting your team to win, were you?”


“Shut up AJ”


“They suck Carter.”


“And you know this because?”


“Huh?”


“AJ you know less than my mother about sports.”


“Whatever.” He said going into his room and closing his door in my face. I was getting tired of his mood swings. One minute he was happy and the next he was the simply unbearable. And that when he was sober – he hadn’t drunk that much today, at least not yet, but probably only because we were in Brian’s room and the last fight was still fresh in our minds – AJ drunk was another story. God, I was getting really tired of AJ.


I entered my room, which was next to his, just when the music started to play at full blast. Great, he was really in a complete jerk mood and trying to get to me. He knew that after all the time recording that particular BSB song I didn’t want to hear it anymore. It had taken us so much time to nail it perfectly and it had never been one my favorites to begin with. I was sure that he was feeling the same way about the song, no matter that it was a new mix, but he was willing to listen to it the whole night just to annoy me.


“Screw you AJ, I’m not going to fight you over this, you can listen to the song until your ears bleed.”


I laid in my bed, well not really my bed but another hotel room God knows where’s bed, and stared at the ceiling trying to clear my mind. My stomach was hurting me a little more and the pain brought to my mind the look on Brian’s face when I told him I was calling it a night and going to my room to rest. I was almost sure he was thinking that I was using a stomachache as an excuse because I didn’t want to be there. And he was right, I didn’t want to see the game with them to begin with, much less to spend all that time after the game talking and playing cards. I wasn’t in a mood for Brian, he just irked me lately. He hardly ever spent time with me and when he did I felt he was just trying too hard, like the whole situation with AJ was making him, all of them, fear that I could follow the same path. Damn, this was not the way to start a new album; promotion and a new tour were around the corner and AJ was drunk every other day, everyone was so pissed off, and I couldn’t stand any of them most of the time. There were days when I simply wanted to be as far as possible from everything related to the Backstreet Boys, especially the fellas. Like today with Kevin. Thinking about it, it was probably that fight what got me in such a bad mood for the rest of the day. Why was it that he kept thinking he was going to get away with telling me what to do? He acted like a big ass the whole day, not paying attention to my opinion for the 100 hour tour. I had some great ideas but stupid Kevin had always a witty comeback for everything I said, always a reason explaining why it wasn’t possible to do what I wanted.


“Jerk” I said out loud, trying to find a comfortable position on my bed.


And now I was feeling like I was forgetting something. Today had been bad from the beginning. My stomach kept bothering me and of course the whole situation in Brian’s room made everything worse. He had to know that I didn’t want to see the game there, not after that awful morning at Jive with him supporting Kevin’s decisions. But he insisted and I ended up there, and of course not only for the game but for the whole ‘talking and playing cards with the guys’ thing. Stupid Brian. And of course the last straw to my willingness – or lack of willingness - to be around any of the guys, had been that conversation with D before the game. He was so annoying lately trying to convince me to drink less. What was he thinking? That I was becoming AJ?


“Shit, now I can’t sleep.” I said realizing that I wasn’t going to be able to rest and tossed back the cover that I didn’t even remember placing over me, weird thing considering that I was fully dressed.


I couldn’t believe I wasn’t already sleeping. I never had problems sleeping before, I was the guy who could fall asleep anywhere, no matter if it was the floor at some airport or sitting on a couch while waiting for an early interview, leaning on one of the guy’s shoulder – Howie’s most of the time.


The phone rang and I checked my watch before picking it up. Who that hell would call at 3:20 am?


“Hi Nick”


Great what the hell could Kevin want now?


“I uh… Brian told me you weren’t feeling okay. How are you?”


Wow, that really took me by surprise.


“I… I’m okay.”


“Stomachache, right?”


“Yes, probably just something I ate.”


There was a little awkward pause before he spoke again.


“Well I just wanted to… I wanted to apologize to you.”


What? Apologize?


“I know I’ve been an ass lately and I wanted to apologize for acting the way I did this morning at Jive. I’m really sorry. I didn’t want to be such a jerk, it’s just that, well you know how this whole situation with AJ has me, and…”


“It's okay Kevin, don’t worry.” I said trying to avoid a more uncomfortable conversation and forcing another long pause.


“Well, we have a busy day ahead tomorrow, so I guess I should leave you to rest. The only reason why I called you this late is because I just saw Brian and I knew you were probably still awake. ”


“I was.” I knew I should be saying something else but I kept silence.


“Good night Nick”


“Yes, good night.”


“Try to rest and see you tomorrow.”


I stood there with the phone in my hand thinking about what had just happened. Part of me was still mad at him but it wasn’t every day Kevin Richardson would apologize and tell you that he was wrong. And the fact that he was worried made me smile. Things didn’t change, no matter how bad the fight was, the minute he knew I wasn’t feeling okay he would run to get sure everything was fine. It hadn’t even been anything specific he had told me but that short talk was a reminder that to him I would always be the little brother he needed to take care of. Sometimes that bothered me, sometimes it made me feel loved and especial.


I hung up the phone and that same instant it rang again, making me jump.


“Hey Nicky.”


“Howie?”


Of course it was Howie, who else would call me Nicky knowing how much I hate that nickname.


“Yes it’s me. How are you feeling?”


“Mmmhhh Okay? Why?”


“Is just that, well I saw Kevin a couple of minutes ago and he told me he was going to call you because you weren’t feeling okay. I didn’t think about it when he told me that but I just remembered it and wanted to check on you.”


“I’m fine.”


“You are?”


“Yes, it was just a stomachache, nothing serious. Did you said that you just saw Kevin? I thought that you guys had left the hotel together.”


“We did but he came back earlier and I guess that’s when he talked to Brian, who told him you and Jay had been in his room until some minutes ago and that’s why I was sure you were awake. I didn’t wake you up? Did I?”


“Nope, I was awake, don’t worry.”


“Good. So how was the game?”


“They lost”


“They did? I’m sorry.”


“Well, I should be used to it by now. So, where did you go?”


“There’s this great place pretty close to the hotel. We should go there tomorrow.”


“What happened to the whole ‘you shouldn’t be partying so much Nick.’?” Okay, maybe I shouldn’t have said that, I sounded like I whining kid.


“Sorry for that. I …” he stuttered.


“It’s okay. Look D. I’m kind of tired now, so I’m going to hang up.”


“Okay, see you tomorrow.”


“Take care.” I added already regretting having put an end to the conversation in such an abrupt way.


No matter what, I couldn’t avoid smiling after hanging up. Those two phone calls had put me in a much better mood. Funny how something so dumb like that can make you feel better, but for some reason it worked with me. My stomach was still aching a little and I was still feeling that I was forgetting something, but at least I was more relaxed.


I was about to get undressed, truly believing that this time I was going to be able to get some sleep, when the phone rang again.


“Now if that’s AJ asking me if I’m okay, the world is coming to an end.” I said aloud walking again to the phone and taking a seat on my bead.


“Nick. I didn’t wake you up, did I?” It didn’t matter how mad I had been some minutes ago, now I definitely couldn’t avoid smiling anymore.


“No, Brian, I was awake.”


“How are you? I was thinking about going there to see if you are feeling better.”


“Brian I’m okay really. Is just a stomachache.”


“I’m not bothering you, am I?”


“No, of course not, is just that I didn’t even think you have believed me when I told you that I wasn’t feeling all right.”


“Why wouldn’t I believe you?”


I didn’t say anything.


“Nick, I know things are not completely okay now but you know I will always be there for you, right? No matter how much we fight or how stupid one of us acts according to the other.”


“Yes, I know.”


“Okay, sleep tight kid.”


“You too bro.”


After I hung up I sighed and closed my eyes lying down on my bed. Damn, how could I stay mad with them when they act that way and show me that they still care about me?


I put a pillow under my head and got myself comfortable, not even caring about my clothes anymore. I was feeling like I was going to fall asleep right there, no matter that something was still bothering me at the back of my mind, when I heard a knock on my door.


“What the hell. I want to sleep people! I swear that if it’s not a matter of live and death I’m going to punch whoever is bothering me this late."


When I opened the door I fell to the floor laughing. There in front of me was AJ, half of his face painted black while the other half was painted blue; my name, and that was the complete name Nickolas, not only Nick, written on his forehead.


“See this is what our fans are going to look like from now on for using that stupid name on our album.” He said giving me a big grin.


“AJ are you crazy?”


“Yes” he replied matter-of-factly taking a cigarette out of the packet and lighting it up. “But you love me no matter what, right?” he added moving his eyebrows up and down and leaning against the door’s threshold.


I kept laughing looking at him from the floor. After some minutes I finally calmed down and, while still smiling, shook my head looking at the off-white carpet.


“Are you okay?”


I looked up.


“Not you too AJ.”


“Huh?”


“Asking me if I’m okay.”


“What? Did the three stooges call you?”


I nodded.


“Awww, it’s because they love you.” He said crouching down and giving me a sloppy kiss. “But don’t get your hopes up on me.” He kept talking, ignoring my complaints, while I cleaned my face with my sleeve. “I like you Nick. But love you, love you? Nah.” He finished, standing up again and going back to the hall. I stood up quickly and called him before he entered his room.


“AJ, where did you get the paint?”


He looked back at me with a smirk on his face.


“No, you know what, I don’t think I wanna know.” I smiled.


He shook his head, burst out laughing and entered his room. Not more than a minute later the music started to play extremely loud again.


“Great! Besides the stomachache I will end up having a headache thanks to you AJ!” I yelled going back to my room but smiling the whole time, the stomachache completely gone. “Thanks bro.” I whispered before closing the door and suddenly it hit me, that was why I hadn’t been able to sleep the whole time. Well, that and AJ’s music.


“Thanks guys.”


I walked to the little desk in the room, took out some paper and a pen and started to write. After that, loud music or not, I was sure I would be sleeping like a baby.


The End



“The time is 4.00 early morning. As I lie in bed in yet another hotel room somewhere in the middle of New York City, I try to relax, but something troubles me. I can’t seem to sleep. Why? Is it because four hours ago my favorite football team lost again for the third time in a row? Or maybe it’s because next door AJ’s playing some of the new mixes of our songs. Suddenly it hits me – the deadline has arrived for our thank you’s and I’m late. I remember specifically asking Billy to remind me but he forgot. I guess he realized how depressed I was after the game and he wanted to let me cool …

Now I’d like to thank the four most important people. Howie, I’m always gonna pick on you ‘til the day I die! It’s because I love you. Kevin, I look up to you because of how strong you are. You’ve been through a lot, and I respect that. Love ya! AJ, you’re a freak but that’s cool ‘cause so am I, just not at your level! Love ya bro. Brian, we’ve been through a lot. You’ve taught me so much and to me, you are my brother.”

Black & Blue – Taken from Nick Carter’s liner notes.