1. Cry Into Me by Destiny
"Hey..." Come soft to my ears as I noticed he had crossed the room now with a calm hand on my tired shoulder.
"Not that I blame her..."
"She..."
"Nothing but a letter, if you can call it that." She had written a simple good-bye...nothing more, nothing less. Slowly getting to my feet I tried to make it towards the snow tipped window. "It will be Christmas soon..." I started.
"You can't keep doing this to yourself, you'll tear yourself apart.." I ignored him, I know he means well but hell! I'm a grown man...I can take care of myself. "...but yeah, it will be Christmas soon." He died down after that. Eternity seemed to take a turn and I looked towards the children playing in the snow.
"I know I did wrong by her but I won't do wrong by Anna, she's my baby."
"I know you wouldn't, you love her to much." I heard his footsteps end behind me. "You don't need that anymore."
"Said who?" I turned around almost losing my balanced. "Your life is so perfect that you feel you can't comment on mine! I don't think so." I glared for a few. "I don't need you to tell my I've got a problem...I don't have a problem so drop it." I heard him sigh as he dropped his now sad eyes. Anger left me as I cried openly..."I'm sorry.." Dropping the bottle to the floor it crashed along with the rest of my sanity.
"It's okay." Could be heard faintly. I watched him grab a towel and sink to his knees absorbing the toxic liquid. As he did so I got on to the floor as well. With my back towards the wall I could still see the snow forming along the window and felt a headache coming on. "Did you try calling her?" His question brought me back to reality.
"No..I wouldn't know what to say."
"Your sorry."
"That won't change anything I've said that a million times over and over again." I placed my head in my hands and cried.
"Try to explain what happened."
"And how am I supposed to make that sound better? I'm sorry I got drunk and acted like an ass to you? I treated her like dirt...lower then dirt." I sighed wishing I could take back the past few months. "I don't do this I shouldn't be doing this, I'm not like this..why am I now?" I asked him, really wanting to know the answer.
"I don't have all the answers..."
"Neither do I." Wiping new tears I thought back to the night she'd left.
"It's one thing if you want to treat me this way but I'm sure as hell not going to let you do this to Anna." Keri yelled.
"Do what to you? I haven't done anything to you! I'm on my best behavior around Anna!"
"Drinking? Staying up at all hours of the night, coming home late if even at all!"
"I'm a grown man and I'll do whatever I want!"
"Won't you change for your daughter at least for her!" I wanted to slap her good for that one but I let it go laughing in her face, the smell of JD heavy on my breath. "Well?" She stated. "You owe me that much."
"I don't owe you a damn thing! She's not even my kid!" All emotion drained from her face as I said that I know I had said the wrong thing. "I didn't mean that...I didn't mean..."
"Not your kid?" She rubbed her eyes which held tears to cry. "I know I made mistakes in the past."
"Cheated on me go ahead and say it!" I found my voice rising a bit. "You can't can you? You still think you've done nothing wrong don't you?" I challenged her but could see that all the fight in her was gone. "I don't even know if she's mine." She looked at me then with so much pain it hurt. I knew she was my child...but I'd never let her forget what she'd done and with my best friend at that. My head jerked up to the open door as a small child appeared sleepy.
"What's wrong mommy?"
"Anna put on your shoes and meet mommy by the door okay?" Keri tried to smile through her new tears. "We're going to stay with grandma for a while."
"I want to stay with daddy." The girl ran to me, and I held on to her for dear life. Keri sighed and broke us apart.
"I know, but do as I say." I watched her try to calm Anna.
"I love you daddy." I heard her angelic voice say.
"I love you to sweets." I blow her a kiss as she left to obey Keri's orders. She turned back to me if for only a second then headed out the door without a word. From my now solo bedroom I heard the car start and depart from the driveway, sighing I made my way downstairs to find a letter posted on the door.
Goodbye
"You'll make it right I know it. She can't keep you away from Anna for much longer." I was brought out of my daze to him leaving.
"One can only hope J, one can only hope."
"Just love Anna Brian, just love her...and while your at it, love yourself." I turned away as he shut the door leaving me with my thoughts.
"I'll love me later..."