Chapter 1

Nick sighed as he began to rummage through some boxes that had been placed in the attic of his house and long since forgotten. Carefully running a boxcutter through the tape that had held these boxes shut for so long, Nick released his past. A past that he had almost forgotten about. Upon entering the life he was currently living, he promised himself that he would not bring his old life into who he had become. It wasn't who he really us, at least not any more.

Using his hand, he brushed away years of collective dust. He opened up the box and smiled at the contents. It was his youth. Without thinking, he reached into and pulled out a framed picture that sat on top of everything else. In it he saw himself with four other guys who, for a brief period in their lives, thought they were inseparable. For awhile, their bond was tight. No one was ever able to penetrate it. It ended up leading to a false sence of security.

The work that they had put into that bond was put on hold; neglected. That's when it had begun to break. Once they had noticed that they were falling apart, it was too late to put things back together. Nick stared into the picture he held. It was taken in Europe when he was about seventeen. All five of them had smiles on their faces, showing that they were proud of what they had done, what they had achieved.

Nick put down the picture and pulled something else out of the box. It was one of their albums, 'Milennium'. He smiled, remembering how much work they had put into it. The creation of this album was a major landmark in their careers. It marked their first attempt at writing and producing their own music. Something that they had always wanted to be able to do. It was an amazing experience for them. His eyes read over the back of the album for the first time in years. It was such a refreshing feeling.

"Hey dad," Nick heard, causing him to look up and towards the trap door that opened to become the attic.

"Yeah Grace?" Nick replied as he looked at his youngest child. She was already in her teens. So many years had gone by and he hadn't even realized it.

"Mom said that you should be getting ready to come down stairs," she answered. Nick smiled at her.

"Alright, I'll be down in a minute." She nodded but remained in place.

"What's that stuff?" Grace asked looking towards the box that Nick had just been going through. He smiled again and continued to look at his daughter.

"It's nothing," he answered. There was no need to bring all of this up with his childern. It had all happened before they were born. Before he had met their mother even.

"I don't know about that. It looks like something in that box caught your attention," she commented as she made her way completely into the attic. Nick sighed, what should he tell her?

"It's just some old pictures from when I was about your age," he told her, hoping that would cause her to lose her interest.

"Oh. You should be coming down now," she replied. He moved towards the ladder that lead to the hall way below them.

"Ladies first," he said. Wordlessly, she started down the ladder. Nick started to brush off some of the dust that had found its way onto his clothes. Once he saw that Grace was down, Nick made his way down.

"Hey Nick," his wife, Erin, greeted. He smiled as he looked at her. He was just full of smiles today, he realized.

"Hey yourself," he replied.

"You find the chirstmas lights?" she asked as she headed towards their bedroom. Nick followed behind her.

"No, I actually got kinda side tracked," he explained.

"By what? There's just a bunch of boxes up there Nick."

"Yeah, I'm aware of that. I just happened to open up a box that had a bunch of old pictures and stuff in it. I just ended up looking at that and thinking."

"About what?" she asked. Nick turned his attention towards the window and glared out. Things were so different from what they were like when he was in the band. Everything was on a much smaller, more normal, scale.

"Nothing inparticular. Just reminiscing aboout how I got from where I was to where I am."

"Have any regrets?" Nick looked at her but remained silent. He wasn't sure about how he should answer.

"I don't know, but I can't really say that I do. If things had been different for me or if I had done things differently, I probably wouldn't be here right now," he stated.

"Christian should be here any minute," she informed him refuring to their son, "when he gets here, we're going to go get the christmas tree, you coming with us?"

"Actually, I was going to go back up to the attic and get the lights and stuff since I didn't get them the first time."
"Are you sure? We could wait a little while so you can come with us," she told him thoughtfully. Another smile appeared on his face.

"No, it's alright. You guys go and I'll be ready for you guys by the time you get back."

"Alright," she answered.

"So when is Clare going to get here?" Nick asked. Clare was their eldest daughter, born just after they had married. Erin sighed.

"I'm not sure. I haven't talked to her in a while, but I'm sure that she'll be here. She has yet to miss a family christmas."

"It's probably that guy she's dating..." Nick started but stopped. Erin looked up at him knowingly. Nick had always disliked Clare's boyfriend, Brad. From the second that he met him, there was something that he didn't like, but he let it go because Clare really seemed to care about him.

"She's probably just busy Nick. Being in your senior year of college and working isn't the easiest work load to handle."
"Yeah well how hard is it to pick up a phone for a minute to let us know if she's coming home or not," Nick responded.
"Nick, she's twenty-two. I'm sure you weren't in a big rush to call your partents when you were her age."

"Mom, dad!" a male voice called. Erins eyes light up and she took off towards the living room. Nick laughed as he casually walked to the living room.

"I'm so glad that you're here!" Erin said as she put her arms around Christian. Nick looked at the scene before him. He was happy to have everything that he did. In his heart he knew that he was lucky to have a family but there was something about opening that box that made him remember a time when he wasn't so lucky. To someone on the outside looking it, things seemed great, but in reality, he was suffering. So many things had gone wrong and he didn't know what to do with himself.

"You guys go have fun," Nick commented, "I'll get the decorations and stuff while you're gone."

"You're not coming with us dad?" Christian asked.

"Nah, I told your mother I would bring the lights and stuff down before but I was a little side tracked. You guys go, have fun and everything will be ready for you by the time that you get back."

"Alright dad but you don't know what you're missing!"

"You can always tell me about it when you get back. Now head out before it gets too dark."

"We'll be back in a little while alright Nick?" Erin explained as she grabbed her jacket from the closet. Nick smiled at her and then at his kids.

"Yep. I'll be here," he replied as they headed towards the door. He sighed when he heard the car pull out of the driveway. It was time that he went back to what he was doing before.

Chapter 2

Finding the decorations was less of a challenge than Nick had expected. It only took him about five minutes to find everything and bring most of it down. Nick sighed as he moved the boxes into the living room and then made his way back to the attic. The tiny attic was only illuminated by a single light, which wasn't terribly bright, but did its job. Nick pulled a small stool over towards the box that he had abondened earlier in the day.

Nerviously, Nick reached into a box and pulled out a photoalbum. Reluctantly, he opened it and started to flip through the pages. Each picture in the album dipicted an amazing time in his life. A time when he was at the top of his game and no one could touch him. Many of these pictures had just been randomly shot, capturing a short time when everything was good. Nick reached up for his glasses, took them off, rubbed his eyes and then replaced the glasses. A deep sigh escaped Nick, memories beginning to surface.

Nick instantly stopped when he had come across a picture. A picture that brought back so much pain. In it was him and his fiance, Samantha, cheek to cheek, smiling happily. A tear escaped from Nicks eye as he stared at the picture. He remembered Samantha perfectly. She was his first true love. The one woman that he thought he would marry. Then one day everything came crashing down on him. The life that he had built was breaking apart and there was nothing that he could do to prevent it.

~*~

"Nick, I've got to go! I have a doctors appointment!" Samantha yelled as Nick kept his arms tightly around her. He placed a kiss on the top of her head.

"You won't be long, you promise?" Nick questioned.

"I promise, I'm just going to see if the baby is healthy and I'll be back," she answered. They were expecting their first child. Though they had only been engaged a week, they were both thrilled by the news.

"Alright, I love you," he told her as he loosened his grip on her, letting her go completely. She smiled and placed a loving kiss on his cheek.

"Love you too and I'll be back soon," she stated as she took off happily towards the front door. Nick remained standing where he had when Samantha had been in his arms. There was no explaining the love that he had for that woman. She was his everything and without her he would be lost.

~*~

Nick closed the photoalbum and put it down beside him. He wasn't sure how much longer he was going to be able to deal with these memories. They were all too much of a painful reminder of what he had lost. Struggling with his emotions, he knew that he had to think of what he had now and how happy he was to have it and not worry about the past and things that have been done. Things that no one had the power to change.

Pausing to think, Nick began to wonder if he should be doing this. He was only going to relive the pain that he believed he had overcome long ago. It wasn't worth it. Not any more. He'd moved on, so why was he letting himself to be drawn back? Allowing himself to relieve the most painful time in his life? Nick shook his head and stood from the stool. This was the time of the year when people should be happy, he thought to himself and he didn't want to spend the entire holidays down.

Sighing, Nick turned off the light in the attic and headed downstairs to find that his family had still not returned. He knew that they were going to take a while, they always did. This was really the only time of the year that they were all together any more. Nick ran his fingers through his hair and decided to go for a walk. Grabbing a sweater, he made his way down the street that he had lived on for more than twenty years now.

He and Erin had brought that house right after they were first engaged, twenty-three years ago. Erin was pregnant with Clare and they knew that they were going to need to find the perfect atmosphere to raise her in. That's when they moved there. The area was great, filled with nice people with kids of their own. Clare was sure to have made a lot of friends. Now at fourty-seven, he knew he had made the right decision. His daughter turned out to be a wonderful woman. One that he was proud to say he had a part in rasing.

As Nick continued to walk, a million thoughts raced through his mind. Many of them memories brought on by the few items from the box that he had looked at. This is probably some mid-life crisis, he thought to himself. That has to be it because I know I'm okay with what happened now, he continued. Thought after thought consumed him. He didn't know how to take anything any more. He was so confused. Suddenly, Nick paused to survay the area he had found himself in. He'd been there before but he didn't realized that he had wondered so far from home.

As he realized just how far from home he was, he knew that everyone had to be home already and wondering where he was. Nick sighed and decided that he should be heading back before they worried. Just as he was about to turn around, he spotted someone that appeared familiar to him. Nick kept his eyes on the familiar man that stood only feet away from him, not even noticing that he was even there.

"Alex?" Nick said. It had to be. This was one of the men that he had spent his youth with. The same familiar tattoos were all over his arms. Just as he had remembered them.

"Nick?" he replied, turning to look at the person who had said his name. "How have you been!?" he asked as he approached Nick. Nick smiled as he hugged his friend.

"Okay," he answered, "what about you? I haven't heard anything about you."

"Yeah it's been awhile man. A lot has happened. I got married, had two kids. I even have a grandson," Alex explained proudly.

"Married. Three kids," he answered, "not a grandfather yet. Though I wouldn't be surprised if that's the reason why my oldest doesn't come home for Christmas."

"Jake was just born a couple of months ago so I'm still trying to get used to this idea myself. How old is your oldest?," he replied. Nick smiled, he was happy about taking this walk.

"She's twenty-two. Her name's Clare."

"That's really great Nick. I'm happy for you. I know how hard everything was for you when, well you know."

"Yeah I know. I know all to well what you're talking about," he answered.

"You live around here?"

"Yeah, not to far from here. I actually went for a walk and ended up it. It was kinda ironic running into you though," Nick commented.

"Why's that?"

"Because I was in the attic today, getting the Christmas stuff and I came across a box full of things from back in the day. It was crazy. Everything just came running at me."

"Yeah, it's been awhile since we've dealt with all of that. So have you talked to any of the other guys?"

"No. Once we went our own ways, that was about it. You're the first one that I've talked to the entire time, honestly."

"Yeah, same story I have. It's too bad though. I didn't think that we would stop being friends. It's a real shame, a real shame."

"So what are you doing for the holidays?" Nick asked, hoping to lighten up the conversation.

"Nothing special. Gonna spend it with my family. What about you?"

"Basically the samething. Maybe go out and do somethings with them, but nothing too interesting," Nick answered.

"We should get together sometime.You know? Just hang out like before and we can meet each others families. But you already know Sarah so.."

"So you guys did get married," Nick interupted.

"Yeah, it just seemed right, regardless of what was going on around us."

"Well I'm happy for you. I know how much you love her."

"Yeah. So why don't I give you my number and you can give me a call after the holidays," Alex suggested.

"Okay, sounds good. I'll give you mine too," Nick stated as he pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket as well as a pen and exchanged the pieces of paper.

"Hey Nick, I've got to go," Alex stated as he saw a young woman step out of one of the shops, "but first this is my daughter, Emily. Emily, this is Nick an old friend of mine."

"Hi, nice to meet you," Emily greeted warmly as she shook Nicks hand.

"Nice meeting you too," he returned.

"Dad, I'm going to wait in the car if you don't mind, I'm real tired," she explained. Alex nodded and she headed off towards the car that they had driven.

"I'll see you around then, right?" Alex questioned as he looked at Nick.

"Yeah," Nick answered. "Just answer one thing."

"Sure, shoot."

"Why didn't we ever talk after what happened?"

"I don't know. I guess our lives were taking us in different directions."

"Isn't it ironic that we ended up living the same way. I mean having families and everything?" Nick said.

"Yeah, it is," he answered, "well I've got to be out of here. Remember to give me a call man, or I'll be callin you buddy."

"Don't worry I'll remember," he responded as Alex headed towards his car. Nick nodded and then headed in the direction of his house. He really wanted to be home right now.

~*~

"There really isn't any other way," Kevin Richardson said to the four younger men before him. "It's the only thing that we can do."

"Give up?" Nick replied.

"That's not what I said.."

"But it was what you meant. I know that Kev," Nick interrupted, angerly.

"Nick relax," Brian Littrell, one of Nicks closest friends said. "We just need to take a break thats all." Nick shook his head.

"Oh come on. You guys know as well as I do if we stop now that's it. We're done," Nick commented as he looked to his other friends, AJ McLean and Howie Dorough.

"Nick's right," AJ said. "We're basically throwing out ten years of our lives."

"We're not throwing anything away," Kevin responded. "We had a great time in those ten years didn't we?"

"Yeah, but why stop now when there could be another ten years!" Nick exclaimed. He was becoming fustrated by everything that was going on.

"That's not likely Nick," Kevin replied. "Not with the way that things have been going lately. Things are going to get a lot harder and I just don't think that we can deal with it."

"How the hell do you know?? That's just it Kevin, you don't!" Nick yelled. "I don't know about the rest of you guys but I think if we do this we're going to be making a huge mistake. We've worked to hard for everything that we have..."

"We know that Nick but things are just falling apart right now," Howie said for the first time. "It'll be too much stress for all of us to keep going like this. As much as I hate to admit it, it's true. We just can't do this any more."

"Fine," Nick spat out angerly, "as stupid as I think this is... I'll go along with it.. for now."

Chapter 3

"Nick, there you are!" Erin exclaimed when she heard the front door open. Silently, Nick walked into the house as Erin ran up to him. "Where were you? We were wondering where the hell you went!"

"I'm sorry about worrying you guys. I just needed to take a walk," Nick explained. Erin looked him at carefully. Something was on his mind. In the years they had been together, she had learned how to read his every emotion.

"Well what happened on this walk that got you all worked up?" Erin questioned as Nick continued deeper into the house until he arrived in their bedroom.

"Nothing. I just ran into an old friend," Nick answered reluctantly.

"What happened? Was it bad?"

"No it was kinda nice actually. We didn't get to talk much because he had his daughter with him and his family was at his house for the holidays and he had to go."

"Well, then what's bothering you?"

"It's nothing, Erin. I was just thinking about the last time I spoke to him. It was a real long time ago, that's all," Nick answered hoping that she wouldn't ask him any more questions.

"Okay, that's fine," she replied. "We were waiting for you to get home before we started to decorate the tree. Let's go!"

"Yeah," Nick replied forcing a smile. If she had known that the old friend that Nick had run into was AJ or Alex, or whatever he was calling himself these days anyway, she would have been angry, he knew that. It was because of a promise he had made her when they were married. Nick was to keep as much distance between him and his old life as possible. Now, years later, he had all of these questions and he only realized it once he had met up with Alex.

"Alright Grace, plug in the lights," Erin said as Nick watched over at his family who was putting the final touches on their tree. Was it wrong for him to have the feeling of regret that had made its way to the pit of his stomach? Here he was, sitting in his home with his beautiful family, but yet he knew that there was something missing from the picture before him. Had this always been a feeling that was held deep within his heart where no one could find it, not even Nick himself? There had been times when he attempted to visualize what his life may have been like if things hadn't ended the way that they had.

"Isn't that beautiful Nick?" Erin asked as she turned around to look at Nick. He looked up at her and then at the tree quickly.

"Yeah, we really did a great job. It looks better every year," he stated as he smiled.

"It does, doesn't it?" Erin agreed as she continued to admire the tree. "We should get some pictures of all of us in front of the tree. Like we always used to."

"Alright, I'll go get the camera," Nick replied as he started down the hallway. When Nick returned, he found his family gathering in front of the tree. A small smile appeared on his face as he watched them.

"Alright Nick, take the picture," Erin told him. Nick took a step back and snapped the photo of his family.

"It looked great," Nick commented as he placed the camera on the table near him and everyone started to move away.

"Why don't we get one of mom and dad in front of the tree?" Christian suggesed as he picked up the camera. Nick smiled as he pulled Erin into his arms and waited for Christian to take the picture. Once the flash had gone off, Nick let go of Erin.

"Mom, dad, guess who!" Erin jumped up when she heard the voice. There was a look of complete joy on her face.

"Clare?!" she yelled down the hallway as she went to go meet her daughter.

"Hey guys!" Clare yelled as she entered the living room with several bags in her hands. "I'm sorry I didn't call. I was so busy that I didn't have the chance to."

"It's alright, we're just glad that you could make it!" Erin replied. "We were afraid that we were going to miss you!"

"Where do you want me to put this stuff Clare?" a voice yelled from down the hall. Erin glanced over at Nick immediately.

"Just put it down and come here," she replied. Once he had walked into the living room, Nick was almost steaming, but fought it off. "You guys remember Brad. I hope that you don't mind me bringing him."

"No, it's fine," Erin replied before Nick had the chance to say anything.

"Dad, how've you been?" Erin asked as she walked towards her father.

"Good," he answered as he hugged his daughter. "How 'bout yourself?"

"Been better, I mean you guys did the tree without me!"

"We weren't sure if you were gonna show," Christian stated as he looked at his younger sister. She smiled at him.

"Yeah I guess I kind of left that open there for a while."

Chapter 4

"Erin, I do not want him here," Nick told his wife angerly. "Who the hell does he think he is? He just invited himself here."

"Nick," Erin began as she turned on the bed to face Nick who was standing at the window, "just get over it. He's here now and there's nothing that you can do that wouldn't hurt the holidays and I don't want you to do that."

"Clare knows how much I don't like him."

"But do you know how much she loves him?" Nick let out an angered sigh when Erin mentioned love. "I know it drives you nuts but you have to let her do things on her own now. She needs to learn how to handle things without our help."

"She's still my daughter," he mumbled.

"I know but how would you have felt when you were her age and your parents started telling you who you can and can't date?"

"That's exactly what they did. And I don't know about you but I think things turned out really well," he stated.

"Let it go," she told him. "If you get involved now you might... I don't know...," she trailed off, not knowing what to say.

"What am I going to do Erin? She's my daughter and I can tell her what I think.."

"And that's it. If you go and tell her what to do she's going to rebel," she warned.

"I'm going to go for a walk," Nick told her.

"It's almost midnight!" Erin answered. "Just lay down alright?"

"I'll be back soon," Nick said, ignoring Erin. She sighed and laid down on the bed. Once Nick was down stairs, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the house. Everything was just making him so angry lately. So many questions had gone through his mind that he wanted answers to. Nick continued to walk as he put on his jacket. He wasn't quite sure how long he had been walking. It was only when a frigid breeze blew across him did he notice that he was cold. Nick stopped walking once he had reached a park.

Sitting down on the bench, he sighed and let his head fall into his hands. The chill in the air caused him to shiver as he remained seated on the bench. Tears were poking at his eyes. Not from the man that his eldest daughter had brought home, but from the life that he was never able to experience. Dreams of what his life may have been like with his first love, Samantha. From the moment that they had met, he knew in his heart that she was the only woman for him.

Brian had insisted that Nick meet this woman that Brian had dubbed perfect for him. At first, Nick was reluctant. He was at a time in his life when he didn't want to be tied down. He just wanted to have some fun. But Brian kept insisting. Figuring that Brian had never successfully hooked anyone up before, he went along with the idea. From the very first moment they met, Nick knew that Brian had made the perfect match, for once.

At first, even though Nick kenw he loved Samantha, he wasn't ready to jump on his emotions. As a matter of fact, his feelings scared him. Never had he felt the feelings he had for Samantha with anyone else before. That whole experience was something new for him. Nick couldn't count the hours that he had spent on the phone talking to her. That was also something he had never done before.

Besides being on the phone with Samantha, Nick had called Brian on countless occasions. Because when it came to love, Nick had no idea what he was doing. Brian was there to help him every step of the way, just like any good best friend would have been.

Nick and Samantha had been together two years when he asked her to marry him. Everything about his relationship with her seemed so right and he wanted to keep that forever. Needless to say he was more than thrilled when Samantha had accepted. Then a week later, he recieved some of the best news of his life. He was about to be a father.

The pieces of his life were falling perfectly together. He was about to wed the woman that he knew was his soulmate. They were going to have their first child in a sequence of which he hoped would be a long chain. It was as if Nick had been given his own little slice of heaven. Then as quickly has he had recieved this gift, he lost it. It was as if his reality had been pulled out from underneath him and he was left to plumit into an endless abyss of darkness.

Shortly after having to deal with the death of this fiance and his unborn child, he was forced to see the end of the BackStreet Boys. Three blows that still left him scarred to this day. Nick took in a shaky breath as tears poured from his eyes. All of this had happened over twenty years ago, but to Nick, they all happened just yesterday.

~*~
"Nick, she's dead," Howie stated sadly as one of his best friends stood before him, his emotions running in over drive.

"Don't say that D," Nick whispered, painfully. "She's not dead. She's going to be alright."

"Please don't do that to yourself Nick," Howie replied, hoping to keep Nick calm. When Howie looked up at Nick, tears were running down his face and he was sliding down the wall and pulling his legs tightly against his chest. Nick buried his head and let his tears flow freely.
~*~

"Nick?" Erin said softly. Nick pulled his eyes shut tighter when he heard her voice. He didn't want to explain what he had been feeling to her.

"Just leave me alone Erin."

"Baby come on," she said as she sat down next to him. "It's getting really late and cold. Let's go back home and we can talk."

"No. I just want to stay here and be alone," he informed her sternly.

"Nick let's go.." she said as she lightly tugged at his arm.

"No!" he yelled as he looked at his wife for the first time since she had arrived. She froze when she saw Nicks' blood shot eyes and tear stained cheecks. "Just go home!"

"Fine," she said as she backed off towards her car. Nick dropped his head back down and listened as he heard Erins' car drive away.

Chapter 5

Against his better judgment Nick pulled out his cell phone along with the piece of paper that had Alex's phone number scribbled on it. Shakily, Nick dialed the numbers and waited as it rang. Nick wrapped his arms around himself in order to keep himself warm.

"Hello?" came Alex's sleepy voice.

"Alex? It's Nick.." Nick replied, his voice revealing all of his pain.

"Nick, what's wrong?"

"Can I talk to you?" Nick questioned nervously.

"Yeah, of course. What's wrong?" Alex asked again.

"I am so confused. There are so many things on my mind that I don't know what to do any more," Nick rambled on. "I can't act like it doesn't bother me any more."

"Act like what doesn't bother you?" Alex asked cautiously.

"Loosing Sammy and leaving the group," Nick replied sadly.

"God Nick, all of that happened over twenty years ago," Alex said. "You've been holding all that in for this long?"

"Erin didn't want me to think about my old life. I couldn't tell her what I was feeling. Besides, she doesn't know what I went through that year. Only you and the guys do."

"What am I supposed to do Nick?"

"Make it stop hurting," Nick answered as he gasped for air through his hysterical crying. Alex shut his eyes and listened to Nick cry for the next few minutes.

"How am I supposed to do that Nick? You know as well as I do that there isn't anything that we can do," Alex replied. "What's done is done."

"Haven't you ever wondered what it would be like if we got back together? The group I mean," Nick questioned.

"Yeah, I used to sit back and think about that all of the time. Not as much any more though because too much as time has gone by and I've started my own life," Alex explained.

"Have you found closure for the past?"

"I have," Alex replied. "But I didn't lose as much as you did. Do you want to get together tomorrow at your place maybe? So we can talk?"

"No, you can't come to my place. I wouldn't be able to explain your visit to Erin. Besides, I don't want to tell her about all of this. Because if you come to talk, she's going to want to talk and that's not what I want."

"You are home now, right?"

"No. I'm sitting on a bench at the park," he replied.

"Okay. Stay right where you are Nick. I'll be there as soon as I can, alright?" Alex ordered. Nick sniffled and brushed away the tears that had been rolling down his cheeks.

"Yeah, I'm not going anywhere," he answered. Nick hung up his phone and put it back into his pocket. He knew he shouldn't be dwelling in the past. The longer he did, the more pain he was likely to face. He gasped again as his tears once again took control. Why was he letting all of this get to him now? He had lived for over twenty years without any problems. In that time he had started a family and everything seemed perfect.

Why should be feel so hurt? Everything turned out pretty well. Not exactly has he had planned, but it was still good. He was lucky, he knew that, but there was always going to be that part of him that would always wonder 'what if?'... What if things hadn't ended the way they did? What if the guys had stayed together? What if.. each question left unanswered.
"Nick," Alex said as he walked up to Nick.

"Hi," Nick mumbled as he looked up at Alex. Alex sighed and sat down next to Nick.

"What's wrong man? When did this all start getting to you again?" Alex asked as he looked over towards his saddened friend.

"Today. I was in the attic looking for the Christmas stuff and I came across this box with a lot of stuff in it. It was all from back when we were going around the world. There was this picture of us and one of our CD's was right on top. It really got me thinking. Then I found this photo album and there was this picture of me and Sam..." he trailed off.

"You still miss Sam," Alex finished for him. Nick looked over at Alex and took a deep breath.

"More than I can even explain," he answered. "What am I supposed to do? It's been twenty something fucking years and it still kills me to think about what happened."

"You loved her," he replied. "Have you talked to anyone about this since it happened?"

"Other than you guys, no. I've mentioned it to Erin but she doesn't really want to hear it. She just says that's in the past and that I shouldn't let it get to me, but she doesn't know. She doesn't know what it's like to lose your fiancé and child at the same time."

"What exactly do you want me to do?" Alex asked after a moment of thinking about what Nick had told him.

"I don't know. I know you can't change anything, I know you can't bring Sam back, but you're the only one that understands and knows what I went through."

"I'm sure you've got a good family, why are you letting this bring you so far down?"

"My family is great, it's just I can't help thinking about the family that I might have had if I hadn't lost Sam. How different would things be?"

"Nick, I know as many answers to those questions as I do. We'll never know what life would have been life. There's really no way to find out. All either of us can do is appreciate what we have because we could be worse off and have nothing at all."

"I understand that, but I can't help but wonder."

"And it's okay to wonder. It's natural. I used to wonder about how things would have been different if the circumstances had been different. There are so many possibilities. Who knows what else we could have achieved if we had just kept going? We'll never know. Just like we'll never know how things would have been with Samantha. You can't let it take control."

"I know that AJ, but it's just too much." Alex let a small laugh escape his lips. "What's so funny?"

"You just called me AJ. I haven't been called AJ in years," Alex explained. "Kaos." Nick looked up at Alex and smiled.

"I miss that," Nick confessed.

"How'd you explain the tattoo to your wife?" Alex asked referring to the 'kaos' tattoo he had going down his spine.

"I told her that that's what they used to call me. She suggested that I get it removed but I wasn't having that. I didn't go through the shit I went when I got it for nothing." Alex laughed.

"I remember. We were on tour and you couldn't sleep for a week because you'd always roll onto your back and wake up screaming," he told as he laughed.

"You and Brian were always trying to hit me on the back just to make me jump," Nick continued as he too laughed. "You guys got me good a few times too."

"I still remember the look on your face when we did that," Alex stated as he stopped laughing. "You looked so hurt and pissed. Me and Brian got out of there before you had a chance to catch us."

"Those were the days," Nick sighed. "I'd give up just about anything to have those days back 'cause I really miss it."

"I think we should be heading home. It's getting really late," Alex suggested as he looked down at his watch.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I need to apologize to Erin for yelling at her like I did," Nick reasoned.

"Alright, I'll see you around."

"Yeah, we should hang out again.. under better circumstances," Nick replied.

Chapter 6

"Dad," Clare said as she walked into the backyard where Nick was standing. He smiled at his daughter when he turned to face her.

"Yeah?" he replied as he turned his attention back to staring at the sky.

"I'd really like to talk to you. It's kind of important," she stated as she moved closer to her father. "It's about me and Brad. Um.. we're going to be getting married this summer."

"What?" Nick asked as he turned his complete attention to Clare.

"Married. That's the only reason why I brought him here. I heard what you said to mom last night. I know you don't like Brad, but I do. I like him a lot and we want to get married. Part of the reason that he came was that he wanted to have your blessing," Clare explained. "We're not going to get married if it's really going to bother you. I talked to Brad last night and he doesn't mind waiting. He wants you to be cool with the idea."

"Sit down," Nick said, pointing to one of the chairs at the table. She nodded and sat, Nick took the seat beside her. "I'm going to be honest with you. I don't like this guy, but if he makes you happy... then I'll learn to live with it."

"Excuse me?" Clare asked, more than slightly surprised at her fathers reaction.

"I wasn't much older than you are now when I got engaged for the first time," Nick replied.

"First time?"

"Yeah, first time. As much as I love your mother, she wasn't my first love. A girl named Samantha was."

"What happened?"

"A lot. I was twenty-three when I asked her to marry me. A friend of ours had hooked us up. I didn't like the idea but I went with it anyway. When I met her, I knew she was the woman for me. I just looked into her eyes and it was like our souls connected," Nick explained. "We were engaged for what.... maybe a week when we found out that she was pregnant. I can't even begin to explain how happy I was. But..."

"But what dad?" Clare asked, hoping that he would continue.

"But it just wasn't meant to be. A month later, she died."

"Oh my gosh, dad I didn't know," she replied.

"I know you didn't. No one was supposed to know."

"Does mom know?"

"No. I just can't talk about it with her. It seems weird. Besides, I don't want her to think that I married her for the wrong reasons. It wasn't that long after it happened that I had met your mom. It's been years I know, but I still love the woman that I lost. I don't want to make it look like your mom is second on the list."

"If mom doesn't even know about this, why are you telling me?"

"Because in my heart I believe that it was you that kept me alive," he replied seriously.

"What?" she asked puzzled.

"I rushed things with your mother. Looking back at everything, I think that we should have gotten married no matter what. But I asked her quickly. I'm not sure why.. probably because part of my was gone and I thought that was how I could regain it. Anyway, she got pregnant with you. At that time, I was really in a bad place in my life. Everything was completely falling apart. Who knows what would have happened to me if you hadn't come along, but I have a strong feeling that I would probably be dead."

"That's crazy dad."

"Maybe but it's true."

"Why didn't you talk to me sooner?"

"Because I never needed to talk."

"What changed your mind?"

"Is your mother around?"

"No, she went to the store. Why?"

"Because I'm going to show you what started all of this, but you have to promise me that you're not going to tell your mother. She doesn't need to know about this. Got it?"

"Yeah, I won't say a word," she replied as Nick led her inside of the house. They walked though the hallways until they reached the ladder that would bring them up to the attic. Nick went up first, with Clare following close behind. Nick walked over to the box that he had been looking through the day before and Clare walked behind him.

"This was Samantha," Nick stated as he handed his daughter a picture of him and Samantha. The one he found the day before.

"She was really pretty," Clare commented. Nick nodded.

"My life is inside of this box. Everything I did when I was younger is right her. Tossed aside like it was nothing," Nick mumbled as he started to pull things out of the box. Clare reached down to the floor to pick up a CD he father had put down.

"You're on the cover," Clare stated. Nick looked over at her and smiled.

"Yeah. That's what I did when I was younger. I sang."

"Would you mind if I brought it down stairs to listen too?"

"I don't know.." Nick started but trailed off.

"I won't let mom know that I'm listening to it, alright?" He looked at her for a moment before sighing.

"Alright, but keep it away from your mother at all costs."

"Sure. Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Who are these other guys?" Nick sighed as he glanced down at the album cover.

"The other members of the group. Brian, Kevin, Howie and Alex, but we used to just call him AJ," Nick explained.

"What happened?"

"Things were really tough so we decided to part ways."

"Have you talked to any of these guys?"

"Yeah, I ran into Alex yesterday. To be honest, it was great to see him. It was really what I needed. I had to talk to someone who knew what I was going through. Someone who was there when it all happened."

"Why haven't you talked to the rest of the guys?"

"That's really a good question. We all promised to keep in touch. That's not what happened though. I just happened to run into Alex yesterday." Clare smiled.

"Lets go down stairs. I'm going to go listen to this," she stated. Nick smiled. The two of them went back down to the main floor. Parting ways when there was a knock at the door.

"I've got it," Nick told her. He sighed yet again as he walked his way towards the front door. He wasn't expecting someone and Erin wouldn't have left if she knew that someone was coming. Nick grabbed the door knob and opened the door, freezing when he saw who was on the other side.

Chapter 7

"Howie?" Nick forced as he stared at the familiar man who was standing before him.

"Hey Nicky, how's it been?" Howie asked with a large smile on his face. Nick laughed and hugged his old friend.

"Same old, same old," he replied.

"I talked to Alex this morning. He thought that it would be a good idea for me to come and see you," he explained.

"You two kept in touch?"

"No. Which was surprising really, but what are you going to do? Actually, he looked me up. We talked for awhile and then you came up. How've you been, for real?"

"Alright for the most part. I just came across some old stuff yesterday and it really freaked me out. It got to me."

"Dad! Do you have any batteries?" Clare yelled as she walked up to the front door.

"Howie, this is my daughter Clare. Clare, this is Howie, an old friend of mine," Nick introduced once Clare had made it completely to the front door.

"Nice to meet you," Howie said.

"Yeah, you too," she replied. "Where are the batteries dad?"

"Kitchen. Top draw on the left. If they aren't there then we don't have any," Nick explained.

"Okay, thanks."

"She has your eyes," Howie stated matter-of-factly.

"That's what everyone says," Nick replied.

"How old is she?"

"Tweny-two."

"Were's the wife? I would love to meet her," Howie questioned.

"Out. Besides, I don't think that it would be a good idea if I introduced the two of you. Trust me."

"Why not?"

"For the same reason I told Alex, when Erin and I got together, I was supposed to forget about my old life. Which I did up until yesterday when I found all that shit."

"So you've been holding all of your emotions since everything happened? Nick, that's not such a good idea. It's no wonder that it's getting to you now."

"Howie, I'm alright now. I've talked to Alex and Clare. They seemed like they really listened to me and that's really what I needed. No worries." Howie smiled at him.

"You sure? I've known you awhile. You never got over things that fast."

"I've changed. Think about it, how long as it been since you've seen me last?"

"True, you're right," Howie replied. "I'm glad to see that things have turned out really well for you. We were worried about you for awhile there. We all wanted what was best for you."

"Do you think I got that? What was best for me?"

"Yes of course. Nick you have a lot going for you. You're daughter seems great and you have other kids right? So trust me, everything worked out for the best just like we hoped. So how have the holidays been otherwise?"

"Just found out Clare's getting married," Nick answered with a laugh.

"Makes you wonder where all the time has gone, doesn't it?"

"Seriously. I didn't think that she would get married this soon, it's... well it's crazy. Everything is changing again man."

"Yeah, but it's a good change."

"As long as there aren't any grandkids for a long time, I'll be okay with the idea," Nick replied.

"I don't blame you man. Alex has a grandson, isn't that wild??" Howie asked. "Imagine Brian. Baylee is the oldest kid of all of ours. He's probably got a grandkid or two by now himself."

"I should let you go before Erin gets home and I have to explain all this to her," Nick stated. "We should keep in touch man."

"Sure," Howie answered. "This time I mean it."

"You better," Nick replied jokingly.

Chapter 8

Nick watched as Erin started to put things together for their Chirstmas dinner. She never wanted him to help her because he wasn't much of a cook and they both knew that. This was one of the only special meals they get during the year and she wasn't going to let Nick mess anything about it up so she would never let him do anything other than watch. Nick sighed when he began to get bored and wandered out of the kitchen.

"Dad," Clare said, grabbing Nicks' arm as he walked past her room.

"Yeah?"

"Come in for a second, I want to talk to you about something real quick," she said letting go of his arm and stepping out of the way so that he could enter.

"So what's up?" he asked as he sat on one of the chairs in the bedroom.

"I listened to the CD," she explained. "At first, I didn't know what to think. I just thought that it would be some old music of my dads and that it would suck, but after I listened to it, that changed. It was a good CD, what happened? For real this time."

"I told you what really happened. We decided to part ways and we just lost touch with each other. Sometimes your friendships aren't as strong as you think they are."

"If your friendships weren't so strong why are you suddenly running into these guys again. That has to tell you something dad."

"I met up with Alex the other day by accident, it wasn't as if we were looking for each other."

"What about Howie?"

"Alex sent him here. I guess he figured that I needed to talk to him or something. Back when we were a band, Howie was the one that always tried to fix things. He just wanted everyone to be happy."

"They kept in touch?"

"No, he told me that Alex looked him up," Nick explained.

"That wasn't an accident," she replied.

"What are you getting at Clare?"

"That maybe this is what you're missing," she answered as she pointed at the CD. "Call me crazy, but you sound a lot different on this album then you do now." Nick laughed.

"I was like eightteen when we recorded that, of course I sound different!" She smiled.

"That's not what I meant. I meant that there sounds like something is missing in your soul. Maybe you should get in touch with the rest of these guys, maybe that will fill part of it."

"Clare, do you know how crazy that is?"

"Crazy or not, it's what you need to do and in your heart you know that. You've known it all along but you were just waiting for someone to tell it to you."

"Clare..."

"No, dad listen," she interrupted, "after talking to you the other day, I think that I know the real you now. You told me for a reason. A part of you wanted to tell me, something that you didn't even tell mom about and now I want to help you. I want you to be happy. Mom will understand that. Besides, you don't even have to tell her what you're doing. She doesn't need to know. This can stay between the two of us."

"It's not as easy as that."

"Why? Because you won't let it be that easy. I don't have to be back for classes until Feburary I can stay a little longer than I planned and help you."

"Look, all of this just needs to stay buried, it's better that way."

"I saw the way you looked when you answered the door yesterday. You were really happy to see Howie so don't act like you don't want to see the other guys."

"Fine, I would like to see them again but that just isn't going to happen alright? Just leave this alone," Nick pleaded.

"I'm only trying to help dad. I want to see you happy, alright?" Clare stated.

"I am happy Clare."

"Yeah well, you could have fooled me because I thought you looked even happier yesterday but maybe I was wrong. Must have been seeing something, right?"

"Don't be mad Clare, this has nothing to do with you, that's all," Nick said as he left the room. Clare sighed softly and walked out of the room herself.

"What's all the secrets about?" Grace asked with Christian standing by her side.

"What secrets?" Clare asked, looking at her younger sibilings.

"Come on Clare, ever since you got here dad's been acting weird," Christian explained, "there has to be some reason for that."

"Clare..." Brad called as he walked into the hallway but paused when he saw her with her brother and sister. "Hey, guys."

"Hi Brad," Christian said, keeping his eyes locked on Clare.

"What's going on here? Is there some family conspiracy that I should know about?" Brad questioned. Clare fought the urge to smack him, even though she knew he was only joking.

"You could say that," Grace replied.

"Okay..." Brad said, his uneasyness obvious. "I'll just let you guys talk then." The hall remained silent even after Brad was long gone.

"Is there something that we should know about?" Christian asked.

"No, it's nothing trust me. Me and dad are just talking. Is there something wrong with that?" Clare asked as she continued to stare at her brother. He stared back at her, both of them waiting to see who would crack first.

"Are you okay?" Grace asked. "There's nothing going on with you, right?"

"Look guys, I'm fine. I was just trying to straighten things out with dad. I know he isn't that crazy about Brad, but we're getting serious and I just wanted to make sure that dad was okay with that," she said hoping they would believe her.

"Oh," Grace replied.

"Serious?" Christain questioned.

"Yes serious, Chris," Clare answered, "we're actaully getting married this summer. Now do you understand why dad and I have been talking so much?"

"Married?" Christain repeated. Clare smiled.

"Yes. We're getting married," she said slowing her voice down as if he hadn't understood.

"Aren't you a little too young to be getting married?"

"No, I'm not because when you know, you know. It doesn't matter how old you are," she explained. "You'll understand when you're older."

"Ha ha, real funny Clare," Christian said sarcastically. "You're not that much older than me."

"Just trust me Chris, everything is alright," Clare explained. "There's nothing that you should be worring about so just get over it."

"Alright, I'm sorry damn," Christian replied as he and Grace walked away from Clare. She sighed, glad that she didn't have to tell them what she and Nick had just been speaking about. Nick probably didn't want them to know what she knew anyway. Clare ran her fingers through her hair as she let out a sigh of relief. The thought had crossed her mind that she might not be able to convince Grace and Christian of what she was saying.

Chapter 9

"Can I still take you up on that offer?" Nick questioned his daughter as he stood in the door way as Clare looked up and put the book she had been reading down on the bed.

"What offer is that dad?" Clare asked, wanting to hear her father tell her what she wanted to hear from him.

"Getting in touch with the other two guys," Nick said without hesitation. Clare sat up and looked at her father as he walked into the room closing the door behind him.

"Why the sudden change of heart?"

"I've been doing a lot of thinking lately," he replied as he glared through the window, to see the block he lived on as peacefully as it had been the day that he and Erin moved into the house. "I want to know... I really want to know what might have been but we can't know that," he sighed. "Honestly, I just want a friendship. Those guys are like family to me. I'm sick of wondering how they are." Clare smiled as she watched her father speak. "What?"

"I knew you were going to change your mind dad," she replied. "So I already started looking for these guys. When I went for that walk the other day, I ran into Howie and he's been kinda helping me out."

"What were you going to do if I came in here and told you that I finally had closure on my past and I didn't need to see these guys anymore?"

"Then I would have told you that you're a big fat liar. There is no way that you could get over how you felt that fast. Besides dad, I know you well enough to know that you were going to come to talk to me about this anyway. It was only a matter of time."

"Am I that transparent?"

"To me you are," she replied with a smile. He returned her smile and began to speak.

"So, what do you have?"

"Not much. We really don't know much more than we did when we started."

"Do you know how Alex found him?"

"No. He's getting in touch with him and he's going to call me back when he knows something," Clare explained.

"How long ago did you talk to him?"

"This morning."

"Oh. So it might be a while before he calls you back."

"I guess. I really don't know dad. Like I said, he'll let me know when he finds something out then I'll let you know, don't worry."

"You think this is the right thing to do? I mean digging up the past. Everything has been fine for years. What if they don't want to see me? Maybe they didn't keep in touch because they didn't want to talk to me? What if..."

"Dad relax, everything is going to be okay. You don't need to get all paranoid over this. I'm sure they meant to stay in touch, ya know, things happen and maybe they just couldn't."

"Has your mother asked you about anything?" Nick questioned as he looked at Clare.

"No but Christian and Grace were asking me questions a few days ago. I'm sure they figured that something was up and I had to tell them something."

"And that was?"

"That I'm getting married. I told them that I needed to talk to you about it because I wasn't sure you'd aprove and all that good stuff," she answered.

"They brought it?"

"Of course they did. I mean you really aren't too fond of Brad and they know that."

"So you're really getting married?"

"Yes we are. I love him dad."

"You don't have to get married so young though," Nick commented.

"Weren't you about my age the first time you got engaged?" Clare asked, remembering her conversation with her father days before.

"Okay okay, you got me there," Nick replied. She smiled.

"Don't worry dad. Despite what you think, Brad really is a good guy. I know you don't believe that, but he's going to take care of me dad. I'm all grown up and I can take care of myself, ya know?"

"I guess you are all grown up now huh?" Nick commented as he sat on the bed next to Clare and put his arm around her. "I remember the day you were born like it was yesterday. Your mom had gone out with your aunt Sandra. I didn't want her to go out because I knew you were due any day, but she said 'it's okay Nick, we'll be fine.' I caved and figured what the hell. So I was sitting downstairs on the couch when the phone rang. It was your aunt, she was yelling, 'the baby, the baby! You got to get to the hospital, the baby's coming!' I dropped the phone, I didn't even think about hanging up, and I went right to the hospital. There was no way that I was going to miss that. They took me to the delivery room where your mom was. I could hear her calling me before I even got there," Nick said pausing to smile. "I ran inside and she was just so happy to see me and I was so glad that I didn't miss it. Your mom cussed a little, the doctors said that was normal for a woman in labor and a little while later, I was holding you. You were so beautiful and so tiny. I remember thinking to myself, wow, I can't believe we made this. We made little person that was so perfect. I fell in love with you right then."

"I'm always going to be your little girl if that's what you're afraid of losing dad," Clare responded. "That's never gonna change."

"I know," Nick sighed. "I just didn't think that you would grow up this fast."

"But aren't you glad that I did?" she questioned. "Who else would you have gotten to help you with your past?" Nick laughed softly and kissed the top of her head.

"I have to go. Me and your mom have some place we need to be," Nick stated when he stood from the bed and walked towards the door.

"Dad?"

"Yeah Clare?"

"I love mom and everything but I don't think that you should sacrafice your happiness any more. You desirve to be happy too." Nick smiled at her again as he walked out of the bedroom. She sighed knowing that her father was going to continue his behavior. Clare reached for her cell phone when she heard it beginning to ring.

"Hello?" Clare answered.

"Clare, this is Howie. I talked to Age... Alex and he already talked to Brian and Kevin. What's your dad doing tomorrow?"

Chapter 10

Clare glanced at her watch as she watched her mother and father get into the car. Her mother was going to be spending the next few days with her parents and that left them pleanty of oppertunities to get the guys into the house without her knowing. She sighed. She had told Howie to drop by at noon and it was now eleven fourty-five. Erin had been running late and now she was worried that she might run into her plan.

Clare nervously looked out of the window once again to see that her parents had pulled out of the driveway and there car was no longer visible. Grace and Christian were spending the day with Brad. It took some convincing to get them to leave without her but she was finally able to pursuade them. Clare grabbed the scrunchie sitting on the kitchen counter and pulled her hair back just as the door bell rang. Quickly running down the hall she opened the door.

"Hey Clare," Howie greeted. "These guys are Kevin, Brian and Alex."

"Hey, nice to meet you guys," Clare replied. "Come inside. My dad's not home right now. He had to take my mom to my grandparents and they left like fifteen minutes ago and it might be a while before he can get out because I know grandma, she can really talk."

"You're Nicks' daughter?" Brian asked.

"Yeah, one of 'em. My brother and sister are out with my fiance."

"You're engaged?"

"Yeah, but dad doesn't like him. But isn't that the way that it always goes?"

"I was kind of looking foward to meeting the entire family," Kevin stated. Clare looked at him. He looked much older than the man that she had seen on the CD cover. His hair was nearly completely gray and he didn't have that youthful look behind his eyes.

"Well that's going to be a little bit of a problem..."

"Why?" Brian asked.

"My mom really doesn't want him to be looking for you guys so she doesn't know about this. That's why I said today was okay because I knew that she was going to see my grandparents. If my brother and sister were here, they would tell my mom because they don't know how dad's been feeling. To be honest, I don't even know why he told me."

"Why doesn't she want him to talk to us?" Howie asked. "Nick really didn't explain to me what happened when I talked to him the other day."

"Basically he was just supposed to act like nothing in his past ever happened. Apparently he found some shit in the attic and it tripped him out. At first I didn't think that what he found was I problem.. I thought it was my engagement. Then he explained to me what happened.Then that kinda got everything rolling and that's why we're all here now."

"Clare have you seen..." Brad called as he walked into the livingroom.

"Brad you're not supposed to be here right now. I thought I told you that," Clare stated.

"Hey we're not married yet... don't boss me around," he joked.

"Seriously. I asked you to take out Chris and Grace for a reason."

"Hey I'm Brad," Brad said, speaking towards the guys in the living room. "Clare's fiance."

"We're friends of her dads," Alex stated. Brad nodded then looked towards Clare.

"Oh I thought your dad was staying at your grandparents," Brad commented.

"No, he's just dropping my mom off. He's coming right back now get back into your car and get the hell out of here before Grace and Chris get all crazy and come in here," Clare ordered.

"Geez chill. I just came in to grab my wallet. I forgot it on the way out," he said as he gradded his wallet off of one of the tables.

"Okay you got it now leave," Clare said pushing Brad towards the door.

"Love you too Clare," he laughed as he walked out of the door shutting it behind him.

"I'm sorry about that. He wasn't supposed to be here. But he's hard headed and I'm marrying him.." she said with a laugh.

"Hey I wouldn't have minded him staying," Brian replied.

"Neither would I, but it's my brother and sister that I don't want around. If he stayed they'd come inside to find out why and they would get all involved and tell my mother. Which is the last thing that we want right now."

"You are so much like Nick when he was younger," Kevin replied as he smiled at Clare.

"Yeah, that DNA'll get ya everytime," she joked. "Everyone says were a lot alike and I guess we are. Maybe that's why we talk so well."
"How is your mom?" Brian asked.

"She's fine. I haven't talked to her a lot because I've got school and work so I'm never around to give her a call. I'm only here for the holidays then I have to head back and start my life again. But we don't talk too much. Maybe she sees how much me and dad are alike too."

"What's so wrong with that?"

"A lot I guess. If my dad and I had been less a like we probably wouldn't all be here right now. She must have always known that once I found out more about my dad that I would want to help and she was right. He's been so...I don't know.. out of it lately. This seemed like the right thing to do. I'm sorry if it's not but I can't do nothing, ya know? I really think that this is what he needs."

"Me too," Alex replied. "I don't know if he told you that him and I talked after I saw him. He called me really late and we just ended up meeting in the park and talking. It was pretty cool actually. It was great just to talk about the past. It was a great time."

"He never mentioned that to me," Clare stated. "But I know what night you're talking about. He and mom got into a fight about Brad being here. Next thing I know he slammed the door and was gone."

"Nick, I'm sorry," Erin said. Clare looked down the hallway to see her parents standing there. Nick had a worried expression on his face.

"Shit... my mom's back," Clare said as she left the room. "Hey guys what happened?"

"Your grandmother called my cell phone and told us that she didn't need me there and told me to go home," she answered.

"You should have went anyway. It would have been nice just to see her right?"

"Yeah but you know your grandmother. The moment I'd get there she'd go on and on."

"Clare.." Brad called as he walked into the house. "I got a flat, we had to come back." Clare pulled her eyes shut. This was not happening. It was going to be an interesting day to say the least.

"I'm going upstairs," Erin said as she began to walk down the hall. Clare braced herself. She knew that there was no way that she was going to miss the four guys in the livingroom. "Hello.." Erin said softly and shot an angry glance at Clare and Nick. They looked at each other then back at Erin. "I'll be upstairs. Nick I want to talk to you. Clare, you too." They nodded and Erin disappeared up the stairs.

"They here?" Nick whispered into her ear.

"What do you think? Mom wasn't pissed 'cause the living room was empty was she?"

"Go talk to your mother for me, please. I need to talk to these guys. I'll be up in a little while."

Chapter 11

"Mom," Clare said softly as she opened the door to her mothers bedroom.

"Care to explain what's going on downstairs?" Erin asked as she turned to face her daughter. Clare sighed and sat down on the bed next to her mother.

"They're dads friends."

"I know who they are, but why are they here?"

"Dad really needs to talk to them okay. What's the harm? It's only one day. A day that he really needs," Clare explained.

"How do you know what anyone needs Clare? You're too young to understand."

"When are you going to realize that I'm not a child anymore?" Clare asked. "I'm all grown up now mom."

"Can I just ask you why you decided to do all of this behind my back?"

"Because of how dad told me the story. He told me that you wanted him to forget the past and move on. I'm not telling him that he should hang on to something that will never be, I'm just telling him to find closure on something that has been haunting him for a while." Erin sighed as she looked at her daughter.

"You don't know what was in his past. There was a lot that he went through before we got together," she explained. "I'm just afraid that he's going to cause himself pain."

"He told me about everything mom. I knew what I was getting into from the beginning. Nothing I found out after he talked to me was a surprise."

"Why did you have to get involved with all of this?" Erin just about yelled as she leaped from the bed angerly.

"He's my dad. I want him to be happy. You should want that for him too!"

"Clare, I know what is right for your father!"

"Really? If you knew what was right, then why did dad talk to me and not you? Why didn't he tell you any of this? I'll tell you why, he knew that you wouldn't support him. Everything he does is to make you happy mom. Why don't you return the favor everyone and a while."

"Don't tell me how to handle my marriage! Come back to me when you're married!"

"Alright, fine. I will. Brad and I are getting married. You didn't know that either. You're the only one that didn't. Why do you think that I didn't tell you about this! I can't talk to you mom! Everytime I try and talk to you we end up fighting!"

"That is not true?"

"Oh it's not? Aren't we fighting right now? I came in here to talk to you. To explain myself, but you had to go and act like I'm still a little kid!"

"Hey!" Nick said as he walked into the living room to see the four faces that he had been longing to see since they had gone their separate ways. "I'm sorry about my family. We can get a little crazy sometimes."

"Hey Nick, it's alright man," Brian greeted as he stood from the chair that he had been sitting on. "It's great to see you!"

"You too man," he replied as he gave his friend, his best friend in a past life, a hug. The others followed suit.

"How've you been Nick?" Kevin asked.

"Okay, but been better."

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing really. It's just I know as soon as ya'll leave, Erin is going to go insane."

"You never did tell me why she didn't want you to look at your past," Alex stated.

"Well, I'll let you know as soon as she tells me," he answered. "I'm actually surprised that the stuff I found was still around and hadn't made its way to the trash with her."

"Clare don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you!" Erin yelled, causing the five men to look towards the hallway where Erin and Clare were quickly making their way.

"Why? Because it's rude?" Clare said with a bitter laugh. "Like you taught me any better."

"Don't you dare speak to me like that!"

"Why not? It seems like this is the only way that you'll listen to me! I'm sick of pretending like everything is okay between me and you! Do you wanna know why I almost didn't come here for Christmas? It was 'cause of you! I knew that you would start with me like this. You always do! I had no reason to believe that this time would be any different."

"Clare," Erin said calmly. "Please."

"No, you want to know the truth so I'm telling you the truth."

"Clare relax," Brad stated as he walked towards his fiance. "Look, why don't we go outside for a while so at least that way you can have some time to think things out before you say something that you'll regret."

"The only thing that I regret is that I didn't do this sooner," she replied. "Get your stuff. We're going home."

"Fine, bye," Erin said angerly.

"Fine," Clare responded as she grabbed Brads arm. "Lets go."

"What just happened here?" Alex asked as he looked at Nick. Nick returned his stare.

"Clare finally broke," he responded. "She's been so pissed for so long she just couldn't take it any more."

"You gonna go talk to her?" Brian asked.

"It would probably be better if she did go home. I love having her here but she and Erin can't be around each other right now," Nick answered sadly.

"Dad," Grace said from the living room door.

"Yeah?" he answered, trying to be as calm as he could.

"There's something that I think you should see," she told him. He looked at her questioningly. "I've seen you and Clare going in and out of the attic and I wanted to know what was up there so I went to check it out and I found this," she explained as she handed him a photo album. "I really think that you should look at it."

"What's in here?"

"Pictures," she answered, turning around quickly and walking towards the door.

"Why is it so important that I look at these?"

"Once you see them, you'll know," she replied and dissappeared down the hallway. Nick looked down at the photo album in his hand.

"Do it Nick," Alex said, "we're here for ya." Nick nodded and opened the photo album, only glancing quickly at the photos that he saw. Shutting the album he stood up.

"Erin!!" he yelled.

Chapter 12

"What do you want Nick?" Erin questioned as she walked into the livingroom. Nick looked at her angerly.

"I want an explaination for this," he said, obviously pissed off. He grabbed the photo album off of the chair and shoved it into her, causing her to take a few steps back. Erin looked down at the album then back up at Nick. "Well, I'm waiting, Erin."

"I don't know what..." she said her voice shaking.

"Bullshit. You know what? Why don't you look at the pictures. Maybe that'll help you regain your memory," Nick snapped. She looked at him, then around the room. They were all still there. None of them had left and Nick was going off like this in front of them. Her head dropped and she spoke.

"It was a long time ago," Erin said softly.

"A long time ago huh? Look at the dates on the pictures, it was three years ago. You call that a long time?"

"I'm leaving now dad.." Clare said as she stepped in the livingroom to tell her father good-bye. She froze when she saw the look on Nicks face. She knew he was angry. Erin turned to look at her daughter and that's when she knew it had something to do with her mother. Erin's eyes told her.

"I want a divorce," Nick said sternly, shocking everyone in the room.

"Dad, what happened?" Clare asked as she walked towards her father.

"Nick..." Erin said her voice coming out as barely even a whisper. "I was being stupid then. Please don't hold that against me. I never cheated on you before that."

"I don't know, by the looks of those pictures, you loved that guy more than you loved me."

"Nick that's not true."

"Of course it's not Erin. It's not like I expected you to admit it. I knew you wouldn't. But you know what, I have a little admission of my own."

"Nick.." Alex said, his voice low and distant. He knew what he was going to say. His feelings had come out just before they had lost touch and this was not the time to let everyone know.

"I don't love you," Nick said, ignoring Alex. "I never have. The only reason I asked you to marry me was because you got pregnant with Clare.

"You don't mean that," Erin whispered.

"I was in pain when we met. I guess you could say I was rebounding," he said. "I've never loved you Erin. Didn't you realize that? Didn't you see that I never did anything nice for you or said that I loved you until you were pregnant? Did you think that was all a coinsidence? Please Erin. Because if you didn't tell me that you were pregnant, I was going to dump you. You'd lived out your purpose."

"Nick you're just angry. You're trying to make me feel bad," Erin said, her eyes filling with tears. Nick laughed bitterly.

"You can tell yourself that, but I'm telling you the truth, like it or not."

"Maybe we should go talk some place else."

"What's there to talk about? It's over Erin. I want a divorce and you're not going to change my mind about that. I never wanted to marry you in the first place."

"Bastard," she seethed, running out of the livingroom.

"Nick, you really shouldn't have done that," Brian stated. Nick looked towards Brian.

"I needed to. I've been wanting to for so long but she never gave me a real reason to hate her until now," Nick replied.

"So I was a mistake, huh dad?" Clare announced, reminding everyone of her presence. Her eyes were filling with tears dispite her attempts at keeping them inside.

"No, Clare you weren't. Don't ever think that you were," Nick replied as he moved towards his hurting daughter.

"You didn't want me..."

"Yes I did. I loved you from the very beginning," he assured her. "You're my daughter. My beautiful, fantastic, amazing daughter. There was no way that I could ever not love you."

"That's kind of hard to believe now," she replied. "Mom thought that you loved her all this time."

"That is completely different Clare. You're my daughter. I can't hate you or simply not love you," he answered. "You were what kept me going, believe it or not."

"He's telling you the truth," Alex interrupted. "We talked just after you were born and he was so proud of you. You could tell by the way that he talked about you that he loved you. I think you saved his life." Clare looked over at Alex. "I don't know if he told you much about Samantha, or anything at all actually, but after he lost her, he was in a bad place and he was there for a while, then you came a long."

"What's going happen now?" Clare asked her father.

"I have no idea," he replied honestly. "We're just going to have to watch and see how things go."

"Are you really going to divorce mom?" she asked, shocked that her father would even consider doing such a thing. She had never really seen him and Erin at a point where they couldn't make up with each other.

"You have to understand that it's the right thing to do," he told her. "Remember when we talked the other day and you told me that I had to do things to make myself happy and stop giving in to everything that your mother wanted?" Clare nodded. "It would be wrong for me to stay any longer. Especially now that she knows the truth."

"I didn't tell you to do this!" she replied. "I told you to say something dad. This is so much different than that. What could mom have done..."

"She cheated on me Clare. I may not have been here for the right reasons, but I was fathful and honest about everything else," Nick explained. "It's better off this way. Just trust me about this Clare."

"What's going to happen with Grace?" Clare asked. "What's going to happen to all of us? Dad, you have no idea how much this effects all of us!"

"Yes I do Clare," he said softly. "I'm going to take care of everything so if you really want to leave, go ahead. Call me when you get home and we'll talk."

"I can't leave now. Not when things are like this. I might be needed here."

"This is between your mother and I, alright?" Nick replied. "There isn't anything that you can do right now, but I'll call you if I need anything."

"Alright, Brad's going to be ready in a few minutes. If you change your mind, let me know. I won't go," she stated as she turned around and walked towards the room where Brad was packing his stuff.

"Just like old times huh?" Alex said, trying to lighten up the tension that had engulfed the space around the five men. "Always gettin into trouble. Ain't that right Kaos?"

"I'm sorry that all of that had to happen right in front of you guys," Nick stated sadly. "I really wish that would have been done in privacy."

"It's okay Nick," Brian assured him. "We're all family." Nick forced a small smile.
~*~
"I can't believe Erin's pregnant already," AJ stated as he and Nick walked along some side road that they had never seen before. Since the break up of the band, the members had been spending less and less time with each other. This was one of their unfrequent meetings.

"What do you mean already?" Nick questioned, looking angerly at his older friend.

"I didn't mean it like that. What I mean was it's only been eight months since the accident," he elaborated. "We didn't expect you to find someone so quickly.”

“I haven’t. I’ll never find someone to replace Samantha,” Nick informed AJ.

“You love Erin don’t you? Things seem fine to me.”

“If I tell you something, you have to promise that you won’t say anything to anyone, ever.”

“Hey man, I promise,” he answered. “So what’s up?”

“Erin shouldn’t be pregnant Age..,” Nick started off, not really knowing how to explain his situation. “I was about to break up with her.”

“Break up with her?? Why?” he questioned, shocked by Nicks words.

“I don’t love her. I never have, the only reason I got with her was ‘cause she was easy. We had sex the same night I met her. I never wanted a relationship. She was just easy sex, AJ. I had no idea what I wanted after Samantha. I wasn’t thinking really. She wasn’t supposed to get pregnant, J,” Nick explained. AJ looked at his friend who was obvisouly in pain.

“Maybe you should tell her how you feel,” he suggested.

“I can’t, not now. Not ever. I have to be there for my kid. I can’t just leave like that,” Nick explained.

“You can still be there.”

“Not if I told Erin how I feel. She’d be too upset and probably never let me see my kid.” Nick sighed. “I’m a good guy, aren’t I AJ?” he asked suddenly.

“Yeah, if you weren’t you wouldn’t be worrying about that baby.”

“What am I going to do....”

Chapter 13

Nick watched as Clare put the last of her things into the trunk of her car. The guys had left only moments before. They decided that Nick needed time with his wife, or soon to be ex-wife. Nick smiled as Clare waved to him as she walked around to the drivers side of her car. He waved back and his smiled vanished. Now it was time to face the feelings he had been hiding for so long. He ran his fingers through his hair and turned to find Erin but stopped when he saw her standing in the doorway of the living room.

"You weren't serious were you?" she asked, her voice weak. Nick pulled his eyes shut before replying. Erin bit her lower lip nervously waiting for his answer. The last bit of hope leaving her.

"I meant every word I said," he answered.

"So you've been lying to me for twenty-three years?" Erin questioned, her voice filled with emotion. "Can you just answer me why? I love you Nick, I really do. Why don't you love me back?"

"I've tried to love you since I found out we were going to have Clare," he began. "I really did. I kept telling my heart that it has to do the right thing. I was about to have a baby but, you've got to understand how much pain I was in at the time. Samantha was my life Erin and losing her was the worst thing that ever happened to me. When I met you, I was looking for something to keep my mind off of her. I couldn't keep thinking about her. Then when we went out and after that night, I thought you were a good distraction."

"A distraction Nick? I fell in love with you god damn it and all I was was a fucking distraction! What the hell was wrong with you!?"

"I was hurt Erin!" Nick yelled as tears started to fill his eyes. "I had to watch my world completely fall apart! I lost the woman I loved and our baby! You've never had to go through that! You don't know what it's like to have everything you've ever known pulled out from under you!"

"Yes I do Nick!" she yelled back. "What do you think you're doing to me right now? You think I've been sitting around waiting for this!?"

"I'm sorry," Nick replied, moments later. "I didn't realize.."

"I know you didn't Nick. That's why we're having this fight!" she informed him. "You know what Nick, you want a divorce, you got it. I'm not going to force you to stay married to me when you obviously don't want to be." She turned around and began to walk out of the living room, stopping when she heard Nicks voice.

"Things wouldn't be like this if you hadn't cheated on me," he said.

"Oh now you're trying to turn this on me? How dare you!"

"Were you or were you not happy up until today?"

"Yes but.."

"But nothing. If I hadn't found out that you cheated, I never would have told you all of this. Things wouldn't be ending this way," he explained. She looked at him, tears in her eyes.

"Maybe this relationship was doomed to end regardless of what either of us did," she replied sadly.

"Maybe so, but if it had been under different circumstances, I would have to feel as guilty as I do right now," Nick stated.

"Guilty? You're upset because you feel guilty!?"

"Yes, I didn't want any of this to happen."

"By 'any of this' do you mean our marriage?"

"I hadn't planned on getting married but I know that it was the right thing for me to do," he answered. Trying to becareful of what he said.

"So you pitied me huh Nick?" she questioned angerly.

"No. I couldn't tell you the truth!" Nick shouted. "If I had told you then that I never wanted a relationship you would never have let me see Clare! And I couldn't just leave! I wanted to be around and I knew the only way for me to do that was to marry you! It was going to happen sooner or later!"

"I hate you!" she yelled suddenly. "I can't believe that you lied to me for twenty-fucking-three years! I should have said no to you Nick! My friends kept telling me that you were nothing but trouble but I didn't listen to them because I thought that I could prove that you were different! I guess you're not after all. You really are the jerk that everyone told me you were."

"Yeah Erin, I'm a jerk," he replied. "I did everything to make you happy for all this time and I'm a jerk," he laughed bitterly. "Go right ahead and believe that because I really don't care any more Erin." Angerly, Erin spun around and headed down the hallway. Nick dropped onto one of the chairs and sighed. He looked up for a moment to see Christian standing in the hall.

"I always knew that everything would fall apart sooner or later," he stated. Nick looked at his son questioningly.

"What made you think that?" Christian shrugged.

"I don't know. I just had the feeling. It was like you were never really happy with mom. Clare and I figured that out a long time ago, actually. What we couldn't figure out was why so we just let it go. We didn't think it was too serious. You were with mom for so long, it couldn't have been something that would break you guys up."

"Do you think I did the right thing?"

"I don't know, I wasn't there. But do you think you did the right thing? If you hadn't married mom, there'd be no Grace or me. You should look at it like that. I mean things were alright for a while. No one ever would have known any different, unless you told them."

"You don't hate me do you?" Nick asked nervously. He could deal with Erin hating him, she had all the reason to, but he couldn't deal with his children hating him. If they hated him, then he no longer had a reason for being. They were his entire life.

"No, I don't hate you dad," Christian replied. Nick let out a sigh of relief.

"You don't know how much that means to me to know that." Christian smiled.

"Well, what's going to happen now? I mean Grace is going to have to decide what she wants to do. If... when you and mom break up, Grace has to figure out who she's going to live with. She's too young to be on her own."

"We'll leave that up to her," Nick replied. "She is old enough to make her own decisions about who she wants to live with."

"I'm leaving," Erin stated, angerly from the hallway.

"Mom, where are you going?" Christian asked.

"To my parents house. It's better if I stay there for a while. I'll give you a call, okay?" She replied forcing a small smile as she looked at her son.

"Alright," he replied. Erin glanced over at Nick quickly before grabbing her bag and running out of the front door.

Chapter 14

Nicks eyes shot open when he heard the phone ringing. He jumped up from the couch where he had fallen asleep and walked into the kitchen where the phone was sitting. He streached and yawned before reaching for the phone.

"Hello?" Nick answered.

"Hey Nick," Alex responded. "I was just calling to see how things went."

"How do you think things went?" Nick answered.

"Maybe this is a good thing. You'll be happier."

"You know, I thought that too, but now I'm not too sure. I never meant to hurt Erin, I feel really bad that I did."

"Nick, I have no idea what to tell you. Personally, I would not have stayed married as long as you had if I felt the way that you did. In the beginning I might have been able to go along with it but there was no way that I could have done it for as long as you did. I would have fucked up somewhere."

"What am I going to do about the kids? How am I going to explain all of this to them?"

"I think they're old enough to understand. Just tell them the truth, that's all that you can do," Alex replied. Nick sighed.

"And what if they don't understand? What do I do then?"

"Worry about those things when you come to them, and I don't think that you will. You've got great kids Nick, I'm sure if you are truthful with them about everything they'll understand why you did what you did."

"Are the guys heading back home?" Nick asked, wanting to talk about something else for a little while.

"Actually they're going to be here for another few days. We still have time to get to together and hang out," Alex explained.

"Yeah, I'd like to do that. Why don't you get in touch with them and we can meet up at my house," Nick suggested.

"You sure cause we can wait a little while if you need the time."

"I'm fine, honestly. Come on over and we can catch up like we were supposed to do yesterday, but this time there'll be nothing crazy happening." Alex laughed.

"Alright, we'll see you soon okay?"

"Yeah, see you," Nick replied as he hung up the phone.

"Dad, can I talk to you?" Grace asked, causing Nick to look in her direction.

"Of course," he answered. "Come on, lets sit down," he continued as he sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen counter and Grace sat next to him.

"I'm sorry about the pictures," she started.

"Don't be. You had nothing to do with them. I needed to see them, you did the right thing by showing them to me," Nick answered.

"I know," she said softly. "But you didn't have to lie to mom like you did..."

"Grace I didn't lie to her," Nick interrupted. "Everything I said yesterday, I meant. You don't know what I went through before your mom and I got together."

"So you only married mom because she was going to have Clare?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I was engaged before I met your mother. Her name was Samantha and she was the love of my life. We were going to have a child. We were going to have a family, but she died. That's about when I met your mother. I felt so empty Grace, I can't even tell you how bad I hurt. When I was about to break up with your mom and move on to some other girl, she told me that she was pregnant. I was happy. I really was. The baby was going to take my mind off of Samantha but I knew that I had to marry your mom because I wanted to be a good guy."

"You didn't have to marry her if you didn't love her."

"I wanted my child to grow up in a normal family. That's why I married her. I wanted life to be as normal as possible for Clare."

"What about me and Chris?"

"I love you guys and you two gave me even more to live for. I wouldn't trade you guys for anything," Nick answered honestly.

"What's going to happen now?"

"You're mom and I are going to get a divorce, which I think will be the best thing for the both of us at least then we can be with who we want to be with and be happy. After that, who knows."

"Why did Clare leave?"

"Because she got into a fight with your mother. She thought that it would be better if she left for a while," Nick explained.

"Oh." Nick looked down at his watch.

"She's home now. You can give her a call if you want. If it would make you feel better." Grace smiled at her father.

"That's okay. I just wanted to know why she left," she replied. "So does this mean that Chris is going to be leaving soon too?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Nick answered. "It's just going to be me and you from now on, kid. That is unless you want to go stay with your mom."

"Not after seeing those pictures."

"Grace, your mom wasn't a bad woman," Nick stated. "I really can't blame her for cheating on me. She must have known deep down inside of her heart that I wasn't being completely honest with her."

"Why didn't you say that to her?"

"Because when I saw those pictures, I got so angery. I wanted her to be as mad as I was so I told her the truth. By then it was too late to say anything nice to her. I was afraid that it would make her think what I had said was a lie. I didn't want her to go through all of this again."

"Are we ever going to see her again?"

"You can always give her a call. She's at your grandmothers house. I'm sure she'd love to hear from you," Nick answered.

"I'll do that."

Chapter 15

Nick smiled to himself when he heard the door bell ring. He already knew who it was. It was the guys. He was finally going to be spending some time with them with out having all of these interruptions. Interruptions that ended up being life changing. From the beginning Nick knew that Erin was not going to be happy with his decision but he didn't care. This was something that he had to do for himself, no matter what the results were. He needed to find closure for a past that he still longed to re-live.

"Hey Nick," Brian greeted when Nick opened the door. Nick smiled at Brian. He was glad to see him again, this time things would end better.

"Hey Bri, where's the other guys?" Nick asked as Brian stepped into the house and Nick shut the door. Brian turned to face Nick.

"I wanted to come over and talk to you alone," he explained.

"Alright," Nick replied. "Let's go into the living room." Brian nodded and walked with Nick towards the living room. "About the other day, I'm really sorry about what happened. You guys shouldn't have had to see that."

"It's okay Nick," Brian answered as he looked at Nick. Nick took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes as Brian continued to look at him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing really," he shrugged. "I knew that this was going to happen one day..."

"Can I ask you something? Personal."

"Yeah, go ahead."

"Why didn't you talk about all of this with us before you got married? It wouldn't have come to this," Brian stated.

"I talked to Alex, Brian. Besides, I kept telling myself that I should marry her. There really wasn't anything that anyone could say that was going to change my mind. I was so afraid of losing another kid that I did the first thing that I could think of," Nick explained.

"You know I love Alex and everything but he was going through a lot of shit at the time," Brian replied honestly. "You should have talked to Howie, Kev or myself. We were a little more clear headed at the time Nick. We would have helped you work through your problems. Things would be so different right now. You'd probably be a lot happier."

"Believe it or not Bri, I am happy. I've got my kids and that's all the I need to make me happy. If things had been different, I wouldn't have Grace or Chris and I wouldn't give them up for anything."

"You were bringing them into a bad situation, you had to have known that then and you sure as hell have to know that now."

"You didn't know the situation Brian!" Nick yelled. "How many times did I see you after Erin and I got married??? You have no fucking clue how things really were. You were fooled just like everyone else. You thought we were a happy couple, even Erin thought that. So how are you going to tell me that I brought my children into a bad situation!?"

"Don't yell at me Nick!! I was only thinking about the well being of your kids!"

"In case you haven't noticed, my kids are just fine. They're happy and healthy. I don't know what the hell you think the problem is."

"You tore them away from their mother!"

"I did not! They know that their mother loves them and that they could call her at anytime and she would drop everything for them!"

"Nick I didn't mean to make you upset okay?" Brian replied causing Nick to relax as he looked at Brian, saying nothing. I'm just trying to make sure that you and the kids are alright."

"We're fine. Trust me, if there was a problem, you guys would be the first know about it. You guys and the kids are basically all I've got left." Brian forced himself to smile as he took in the sight of the man that was one of his best friends for just over ten years. So many things had changed since the last time that they were together.

The man standing before him used to avoid responsibility at all costs. Now, more than twenty years later, Brian found himself looking at almost the exact opposite of the kid that he had watched grow up. He was looking at a man that loved his kids and put them before anything else in his life. This Nick was much more mature than the Nick that he remembered. Part of Brian was disappointed by this. When he had received that surprising call from Alex, he had expected, or at least hoped, that things would be the same. That was nearly impossible Brian now thought to himself. Too many things about all of them had changed.

"How's Baylee?" Nick finally asked. "It's been a really long time since I've seen him."

"Yeah, he's great. He's twenty-four now. It's really hard to believe."

"You're tellin me! I still remember him as a little baby, since that's really the only the only time that I've ever seen him."

"Hey man, at least you seen him! I don't think I ever saw Clare when she was a baby and I sure as hell didn't see Christian and Grace," Brian remarked.

"How many kids you have?"

"Five."

"That's it? I thought you and Leigh were going to be rabbits and repopulate the world," Nick joked. Brian laughed, he was glad to see that Nick hadn't changed entirely.

"Rabbits?" Brian replied with a laugh.

"Yeah, rabbits have a lot of kids. I remember when I was younger that you always wanted a big family so I thought the rabbit thing fit."

"Five is enough man. You should know that. You grew up one of five," Brian responded. "True, but the difference with me is I was the brother not the father."

"Maybe you and the kids could come up and visit us sometime. I'd really like you to meet my other kids," Brian suggested. Nick smiled.

"I'd really like that."

"Great, how 'bout the next time that the kids have some time off from school?"

"I could ask them, but I'd have to get back to you on that."

"Great. That sounds great," Brian replied. "Frack." The biggest grin appeared on Nicks face as Brian said this.

"I've got an idea!"

Chapter 16

"This is really wrong man," Brian stated as Nick opened the window directly above the main door. Nick turned around to look at Brian with a grin on his face.

"You're just saying that because you want to be able to say to them that you told me that," Nick replied.

"We're not kids any more," Brian continued.

"Oh come on Bri, you know you wanna do this!" Nick insisted, handing Brian a water balloon. Brian looked at it then looked back at Nick, unsure if he should go along with Nicks' latest stunt.

"It's the middle of the winter..."

"Dude, what the hell got into you? Bein' a father made you start thinking all rationally! You need to start hanging out with me again so we can make you fun."

"Hey, I'm fun!"

"What's fun for a kid does not mean that it's fun for any of us."

"Kev's gonna kill you, you know that right?" Brian said with a grin on his face.

"We need to give his old heart a jump start, don't you think?" Nicks grin grew when he heard the door bell. "They're here. Let's go!" Nick demanded as he walked towards the window and took a quick glance out of the window just to make sure that it was them. "On three. One... two... three!"

"What the fuck?" Alex yelled as one of the balloons hit him. Then two more balloons fell and hit Kevin and Howie. Nick and Brian burst out into a fit of laughter causing the three men to look up.

"Just wait until I get my hands on the two of you! I'm gonna kill you!" Kevin shouted up.

"Yell that a little louder Kev, I don't think the neighbors heard you!" Nick returned, laughing.

"Well, it's good to know that some things never change," Howie replied optimistically with a shrug. Kevin glared at him. "What?"

"Just get down here and open the door!" Kevin called up to Nick.

"Okay, I'll be down in a second," he answered. "That wasn't so bad now was it?" Nick asked Brian as they walked out of the room.

"He's just waiting until he gets inside to yell at you," Brian chuckled.

"I don't know what you're laughing about, he's gonna yell at you too. Don't forget, you helped me out right there," Nick replied with a smirk.

"Yeah yeah, whatever."

"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Kevin yelled as Nick opened the door. Nick laughed, loving the angry look that was plastered on Kevins' face.

"Come on man, you really couldn't have expected to see me without having me pull a prank or two," Nick commented as he stepped aside so that they could enter.

"I can't believe that you got Brian to go along with it," Alex commented, taking off his wet jacket.

"Power of pursuasion," Nick replied as he walked into the living room with his friends.

"Well, at least our good ol' Nicky is still in there," Howie commented, with a grin on his face. Nick smiled back, happy that someone had missed the old Nick.

"Yeah well, part of me wishes he wasn't," Kevin replied as he sat down on the couch.

"And the other part just adores it," Nick chuckled.

"Come on Kev," Brian said for the first time, "you have to admit that it's nice to have things go back to the way that they were."

"Dropping a water balloon on my head in the middle of January wasn't exactly the way that I remember things being."

"But you do have to admit that you never saw it coming," Nick suggested. Kevin glared at Nick angerly then a smile appeared on his face.

"All right, all right," he replied. "You better just hope that I don't get sick from your little stunt."

"Oh that's right, I forgot that your a real old man now and you can get sick real easy," Nick replied jokingly. "Sorry man."

"Shut up," Kevin snapped playfully with a small smile on his face.

"How have things been since Erin left?" Howie asked. Nick looked over at his friend and took a breath. This was really the last conversation that he wanted to have at the moment.

"It's been okay. Grace and Chris seem to be okay, they are handling it well I guess."

"How 'bout you man? How you feelin?" Alex asked.

"Alright, just kinda guilty about everything. I never wanted any of this to happen. But I guess it all happened for a reason," Nick answered then fell silent. "Well enough about that. We're all here to catch up, not to worry about my problems! Let's go out for lunch. My treat."

"Sounds great," Alex stated as he gabbed his jacket. "I know a great place that I think you guys will like. The food's great. I found it just before Jake was born and he had a little welcoming party for him there. Really is a great place."

"That's fine with me," Nick replied as he pulled his jacket out of the closet. "You're just going to have to show me where it is."

"Of course."

"Hey dad, you here?" Grace called as she walked into the house and towards where she heard her fathers voice coming from.

"Yeah what's up?" he replied as she walked into the hall.

"Do you mind if I spend the night at Ambers?" she questioned.

"No it's okay. Have a great time and give me a call later to let me know when I need to pick you up," he responded.

"You don't need to do that any more. I can drive, remember?"

"Oh yeah," he said softly as he looked at his daughter. Damn they grew up fast, he thought to himself.

"So can I take the car? I'll fill it up and everything," she questioned.

"Sure, just becareful," he replied. She smiled.

"Thanks dad," she answered as gave him a hug before running up to her room to get her stuff ready.

"So how does it feel to be an old man?" Kevin asked as he put his arm around Nick as they walked out of the door and into the driveway.

"What are you talkin' about man?"

"Isn't that you're baby? The one who asked to borrow your car?" Kevin explained. "Once you're youngest is driving, you know you've gotten old."

"Hey man, I'm still not as old as you are!!" Nick shot back.

Chapter 17

Nick looked around the graveyard he found himself wondering into for the first time in years. Samantha was here. A small smile made a quick appearance on Nicks' face when he saw her headstone. He walked over to it and got down in his knees and ran his fingers over the words that were carved into the stone.

"Hey baby, it's been a while," he started off shyly. "I didn't mean to leave you here all alone for as long as I did, hope you can forgive me. The wife and I broke it off. I just couldn't stay with her. Things didn't end how I hoped they would. I didn't want to say the things I said the way that I said them. They came out way too harsh. It's too late to do anything now because I can't change what's been said. But enough about that, I'm sure you don't want to hear all the shit that's been going on. Let me tell you about some brighter things. Clare, my oldest, remember? Well she's getting married. I can't believe it. She is about the same age that we were when we got engaged, you know that? Now I can say I know why our parents flipped when we told them," Nick said with a laugh. "She had almost the same exact reaction we had. Go figure. I bumped into Alex just before all that happened. I know you had something to do with all of that. You saw me find that stuff, didn't you? Thanks. I needed that, but you already knew that. Afterall, you could read me better than a book. That's what I loved about you. You always knew when something was wrong. I miss that, I miss you. I haven't been the same since I lost you. I try and act like time has made me better and I think everyone's brought it, but I can't lie to you. After all this time, I'm still miserable. Almost twenty-four years have gone by but I still can't let you go. Why did this have to happen?" Nick asked as tears began to build up in his eyes. "We were so happy. There was a great life ahead of us. Why did you have to go and leave it all behind?" Nick stopped to let his tears fall.

Brian rang the door bell at Nicks house and waited for an answer. He stuck his hands into the pockets of this jacket. A friendly smile appeared on his face when Grace opened the door. "Hey, where's your dad?"

"I don't know, he went some place almost an hour ago," she replied. "But you can come inside and wait for him if you like, I don't think he'll be gone for much longer."

] "Thanks," Brian replied as he followed Grace into the house, closing the door behind him. "So did he say where he was headed to? Maybe I could catch up with him there."

"No sorry. He just said that he'd be back in a little while," she answered with a shrug.

"Okay, but are you sure that you don't mind me hanging around until your pops gets back, do you?" he asked. She smiled.

"It's fine, besides if my dad found out you were here and made you leave, he'd kick my butt around the world three times," she joked, Brian laughed. "Would you like anything?"

"No thanks."

"Alright but if you change your mind feel free to make yourself at home," she replied.

"Thanks," he answered. "So how was your sleep over?"

"It was alright. But honestly, I only went to stay outta my dads way. I knew he was going to want to spend some time with you guys so I figured if I was spending a night at a friends he wouldn't worry about coming home and cutting out on some fun since Clare and Chris are gone."

"I think you're old enough to be home alone."

"Yeah so do I, but dad gets a little crazy about leaving me here alone for a long time. He hasn't given me the chance yet so I think it'll be a little hard to convince him otherwise. Besides, I don't want to start a fight with him, it's really the last thing that he needs right now."

"You're a good kid."

"Thanks mister..." she said pausing, waiting for him to tell her his last name.

"Just call me Brian. Don't worry about the mister thing. Your dad is like family to me so that kinda makes you family too," he replied with a wink.

"Alright," she answered. "So what was my dad like when he was younger?"

"He was a big goof ball from the second I met him," Brian replied with a laugh as he thought back to the first time they had met. "But he had a lot of heart. He was completely loving the fact that we were about to be in a band. He was excited and so was I. God, when we got our record deal and started traveling to Europe we all got close. Your dad ended up being the biggest prankster I've ever met in my life. Somehow me and him got to be real good friends and I helped him pull a couple of good ones on the other guys. No matter what, he was a good guy. He dealt with a lot of crap because of the business that we were in but he didn't let it control him. He was my best friend for a while."

"What happened?"

"Time happened I guess. The band took a break and it went a lot longer than any of us expected so we called a meeting and ended it," Brian explained.

"Why didn't you keep in touch?"

"Because Nick was mad about it our decision. Not that I can blame him. That band was the only thing that he ever knew and we took it away from him. His fiancé died about two weeks before. He was just in a really bad place when this happened. I told myself I would give him some time to calm down before I gave him a call, but as time went by, I was afraid that he wouldn't want to talk to me so I never did call. I regret that now."

"Hey, you're here aren't you? It's not exactly an ideal hallmark moment or anything but still, you're here and dad's happy."

"Yeah, I just wish it didn't happen like this. I thought that if we ever all got together again, it would be this great thing. We'd all be so happy and our families would be happy. I didn't think we'd end up seeing the things we did."

"Can I be honest with you?" Grace said as she leand close to Brian just in case Nick was to talk in while she was speaking. "He's happier now than I've seen for a long time. Don't worry about what happened here. Just make the best of the time that you've got, okay?"

"Geez, you're Nicks?" Brian said with a small laugh. "You're so much more mature then he was when he was your age. Hell, you're more mature then he is now."

"I think my mom had something to do with that," she stated, with a smile on her face.

"When do you think you're gonna see Clare and Chris again?" Brian asked.

"Either at her wedding, whenever that is, or at Christmas. Which ever comes first."

"She doesn't have a date?"

"Not that I know of," Grace answered. "But I'm sure as soon as my dad finds out, the whole world is gonna know."

"What makes you say that?"

"He's gonna kill Brad. That's headline making news!"

"He doesn't like this guy huh?"

"Not really. I mean he's never actually said that he didn't like him but you can tell by the way that he acts. He's real angry when Brads around."

"Maybe it's because he's finally seeing that his daughter is growing up," Brian explained. "I remember seeing the same attitude on his fiancé's parents faces when he told them that they were going to get married."

"Yeah I guess," she replied.

"So what's going on with you?"

"Nothing really. I'm just trying to get through high school. I'm a junior this year so I want to keep my grades up, you know?"

"Yeah, that must make your dad happy."

"Yeah, but sometimes I think he cares more about Clare than Chris and I."

"That's not true. I know your dad and I didn't think that there is any way that he could favor one of you guys. I just think that he looks at Clare in a different light because she was his first child. That was a major thing that happened to Nick."

"That makes sense. It's just a little weird, you know?"

"It's okay. Don't worry about it. Your dad loves you, I know that much. The other night he kept talking about you. About how great you are. So don't worry. You don't anything to worry about. Trust me."

Grace smiled but turned her head as she heard the door opening. "That's gotta be my dad. I'm sure he'll love to see you."

"Oh, Brian. Hi," Nick said, clearing his throat, as he paused at the living room door.

"I'll be upstairs," Grace announced, as she stood up from her chair.

"It was night talking to you," Brian called.

"You too," she replied as she disappeared around the corner of the hallway.

"What's wrong with you?" Brian asked, sensing that something was bothering Nick.

"Nothing. I'm fine," Nick answered as he sat across from Brian. Brian looked at him questioningly.

"Dude, I know something's wrong. I can tell just by looking at you. Come on, tell me what's up."

"Seriously, it's nothing. I just went to go see Sam. I got a little emotional, that's all. Nothing more than that," he explained. Brian nodded in understanding.

"Why don't you come with me. I've got a surprise that I think you're going to love," Brian said with mischief in his eyes.

"Man, I think I did too good of a job bringing back the old days," Nick replied with a laugh.

"For real, Nick. Come with me. You're going to love what I have to show you."

"Can't you just tell me what it is?"

"No! It wouldn't be the same! Come on," Brian said standing up. "Trust me, come on." Nick sighed as he looked up at Brian.

"Alright, fine," Nick answered, giving in. "Just let me go tell Grace that I'm leaving."

Chapter 18

"Can you tell me where we're going now?" Nick asked as he looked at the clock. They had been driving for almost forty-five minutes and Brian still had not given Nick as much as a clue as to where they were going.

"We're almost there. You'll find out then," Brian responded, keeping his eyes on the road.

"That's what you said twenty minutes ago dude. Come on, just tell me. I'm going to find out anyway. I know keepin this a secret is bugging the hell out of you."

"No, the look on your face will be so much more priceless when you see this for yourself. You're just going to have to wait."

"I feel like a kid at Christmas eve begging to open presents with his father standing over him yelling no," Nick commented as he looked over at Brian, hoping that he would cave in and tell him where they were headed. Brian grinned at him, smashing all of his hopes for learning their destination early.

"This'll be better than any present that you've ever gotten before," he assured Nick. "It's well worth the wait."

"You sure about that?" Nick questioned. "It might suck, ya know? Why don't you just tell me and I'll let you know if it's as good as you think or not."

"Nice try, Nick, but it's not gonna happen. You're just going to have to wait," Brian said. "Besides, we're almost there, for real this time."

"You're just trying to torture me for all the pranks on pulled on you in the past aren't you? This is gonna be something really silly and you're just trying to get me all worked up about it. Well it worked Brian so you can quit with the game and tell me already!" Brian laughed again, amused at Nicks reaction.

"We're here," Brian said as he parked his car. Nick looked over at Brian questioningly.

"What? You buy me a building?" Nick questioned.

"No," he replied with a chuckle. "It's inside the building, dumbass."

"Let's just get this over with," Nick said as he quickly exited the car. He shook his head. He couldn't believe that Brian was doing this to him. He was positive that this was going to turn out to be something really stupid. There was no way that Brian could have come up with something great so quickly. Sure, he knew the Nick of the past, but he didn't know the Nick that he had become. Brian had only been around for a few days and hadn't had enough time to do a lot of catching up between all the problems that Nick was having at his house.

Nick followed Brian closely as the sun shone brightly. By all accounts, it was a beautiful day. The weather was almost perfect for early January. It was Nick's visit to the graveyard that had brought a black cloud over everything positive the day had brought. There was still a feeling of sadness in his heart and there was no way for him to ignore it any longer. All these years only perpetuated his pain. It was this feeling that Nick hoped that he would never have to deal with. It would only bring back the painful memories of his past.

Brian glanced over at Nick as they stepped into the elevator of the building. He really had no idea what was about to happen. Brian had been working on making this happen since the first day he had seen Nick. He knew that this was something that, no matter how much time had passed, Nick would love. Brian looked down at his watched and hoped that everything was ready for them. Figuring all the extra time he had spent at Nicks' house left everyone enough time to prepare, he relaxed. This was going to be well worth having to deal with Nicks' constant complaining. The look on his face, that Brian knew would be there, would assure him that all of this was not in vain. He just knew it.

"I've been working on this since right after the first time I saw you," Brian confessed, breaking the silence that had fallen over them since they had entered the building.

"The gift or the prank?" Nick replied. Brian looked him Nick seriously.

"Look, this isn't a prank. You'll see soon enough," Brian stated. "I wouldn't do that to you after all of this time."

"That's what you want me to think."

"Stop being so bitter, man," Brian answered. "This is for real."

"Alright," Nick sighed, giving in. Brian had become seriously defensive about what he was doing for him. Maybe he had thought wrong. He was thinking about a different time, when they were both different. After all, things had changed. They had changed.

"Come on," Brian said once the elevator doors opened. Nick followed Brian. His eyes looking over all the closed doors in the hallway that they were walking through. He couldn't quite figure out what Brian may be hiding in a place like this or what he possibly could have in mind. Brian stopped in front of one of the doors and quickly turned around to see Nick. "Remember, this is for real." Nick nodded as Brian opened the door and stepped in. Nick followed and stopped and let his eyes scan around the room.

Alex, Kevin and Howie were sitting at the table in the center of the room. Nick looked at them questioningly. What the hell was going on? He just couldn't piece things together. Nick stood there looking at each of the guys, waiting for some sort of explanation. Nothing was offered. Nick continued to look around the room but seeing nothing that could help him figure out why he was here.

"So? What's this all about? Someone wanna fill me in?" Nick asked.

"I've been making a lot of phone calls since I got here," Brian started. "There was only one thing that came to mind when I thought about things that you would really appreciate. I mean, the last time we were together, we left somethings unfinished. We all knew how angry you were with the unfinished business. So, I called in some favors. And if you're up to it, I got us the chance to make another album."

"What?" Nick replied, shocked by what he had just heard.

"Brian called us all together and we talked about it," Alex started. "Turns out, we all wanted to get back in the studio as it was. What better way would there be then to make another BackStreet Boys album?"

"I don't know if I can do that," Nick answered, shocking everyone.

"Why not?" Howie asked.

"It's been so long.." Nick said softly. "What if... What if we can't?"

"What do you mean 'can't'?" Kevin asked. "Nick, we've all got music in our hearts man. We can do this."

"Weren't you the one that wanted to end this?" Nick spat at Kevin. "You were the one that said that we couldn't do it any more."

"That was then, Nick," he replied. "We've had more than enough time to get our shit together, but if you don't want to do this, then fine man. Whatever, I'm not gonna force you. Just think about everything that Brian had to do to pull this off."

"What about all of our kids?" Nick questioned, changing the subject, knowing that he had lost that battle.

"They're all old enough to take care of themselves," Alex replied. "It's not going to be as crazy as it was when we were younger."

"Okay, but is there going to be a single? A video?" Nick asked.

"We're not sure yet," Brian replied. "It all depends on how we feel about the songs that we have. If we think we have something that we think is good enough, I mean."

"When would we start?"

"Whenever we're ready." Nick was quiet for a while. The others were watching him. Looking for a sign. Nick shook his head.

"Just give me a couple of days and I'll be ready."

Sorry for taking so long to update! Thanks for all the great reviews!
~*~*~

Chapter 19

"So he's seriously going back into the studio?" Clare asked her sister over the phone.

"That's what he said. Brian came over here yesterday, they went out and suddenly when dad got home he asked me if it was okay for him to do an album," Grace explained.

"Obviously you said that it was okay," she replied.

"Yeah, when he got home he just seemed so much happier. I couldn't say that it would bother me."

"Does it?"

"What?"

"Bother you?"

"No, I think dad really needs this right now. Besides, it gives me a lot of time to myself, which I really need. So dad and I are both getting something out of this."

"What you need to be alone for?"

"I don't know. I just need some time to think about everything that's happened. It all happened so fast and I feel kinda responsible for it."

"Responsible? You didn't do anything wrong," Clare assured her younger sister.

"I was the one that showed dad the photoalbum that proved that mom had cheated."

"He needed to know, Grace. Don't feel bad about what happened. If you guy had cheated on you, you'd want to know about it."

"Maybe I should have waited until after Christmas though."

"What's done is done. Just worry about what's going on now and everything is going to be fine, alright?"

"Okay," Grace replied with a sigh. "So you set a date for the wedding yet?"

"Not yet. We just know that we want it to be in the summer. I was hoping for this summer but the way things are going, I don't think that's going to happen. We're not going to have enough time to plan everything."

"Dad's going to love that," Grace replied with a laugh.

"Yeah, I'm sure. Last time I talked to him though, he seemed okay with the fact that we're getting married. Maybe he's over how much he hates Brad."

"No, just a little side tracked." Clare laughed.

"Either way, I'm not complaning. It gives me something to work with."

"Think he'll write you guys a wedding song?"

"Yeah, when hell freezes over. He wouldn't give Brad the satisfaction."

"I'll talk to you later, dad's back," Grace stated as she heard Nicks car pull into the drive way.

"Alright, be good. Tell dad I said hi. I love ya," Clare replied.

"Love you too. Bye," she answered as she hung up the phone and walked to the front door where Nick was coming in. "Hey dad."

"Hey Grace. What's up?" he asked taking his jacket off.

"Nothing. So when are you going to start with the CD?"

"In a week or so actually. Brian's going to call me and let me know all of the details as soon as he knows them. Why, you lookin' to get rid of me?" Nick asked jokingly.

"No, don't be crazy. I just want you to be happy. Oh and Clare says 'hi.'"

"She called?"

"No, I called her. I wanted to talk to her about something."

"Something you couldn't talk to with your dad about?" Nick asked as they walked into the living room. Grace smiled and shook her head.

"It was girl stuff dad. I don't think you wanna hear about it," she stated.

"What makes you think that? I'm your dad. I want to help. So come on, shoot. I'll try and help ya out," he said. She shook her head with a big grin on her face.

"Alright, if you insist," she replied, arming herself with the one problem that she knew her dad wouldn't want to hear anything about or even understand anything about. "When I get my period..."

"Woah hold on right there.. did Clare help you figure that one out?" Nick interrupted, hoping that he didn't have to hear the rest of her situation. He wouldn't know what to tell her anyway.

"Yeah, pretty much."

"Okay, then you don't need my advice on this one."

"I told you it was girl stuff, dad."

"Damn, you could have given me more of a warning," Nick replied with a laugh. I mean damn, what do I know about that?"

"So you gonna be writing anything for the CD?" Grace asked trying to change the subject. She could tell that her father wasn't really comfortable talking to her about that, even if it was just to say that he didn't know anything.

"Probably," he said, Grace watched as he loosened up quickly. "I would really love to. I've actually written a couple things over the years. Well see if the guys like any of them."

"I'm sure they will dad," she assured. "They put all this together for you, didn't they?"

"Yeah but that doesn't mean that they are going to like my stuff. It's kinda personal so I'd be hurt if they thought that it was bad."

"It'll be fine dad," she answered as the phone rang. "Hello?" Grace answered as she walked into the kitchen and picked up the phone.

"Hey honey," Erin said. Grace nearly dropped the phone from shock. Nick leaned on the door frame a moment later.

"Hi mom," she replied, looking at Nick. He shifted uncomfortably, his eyes showing the fact that he was hoping that she didn't want to talk to him. Having a conversation with her at this point would be almost impossible. It would just end up being another fight and that was the last thing that he wanted. He didn't want to fight with her, he never did. That was just the path that everything happened to take. That was something that he would do anything that he could avoid having to deal with again. It wasn't that he liked to avoid confrontation. He just didn't want to make things so bad between them that their children had to suffer because of the hositility they would have created.

"How are you?" Erin asked.

"I'm fine. How's things at grandmas?"

"It's okay. I was just calling to see how you were."

"I'm alright. Talked to Clare today," she informed her mother.

"Oh," she answered, obviously not too thrilled to her Clare's name. "How is she?"

"She's pretty good," she replied as she watched Nick walk out of the kitchen so that she could talk to her mother in private.

"That's good. Have you talked to Chris since he left?"

"No."

"Oh. If you do, let him know that I asked about him."

"Sure will."

"Well, I'll talk to you later.." Erin said letting her voice trail off. Surprised at how hard she found it to speak to her own daughter.

"Mom..." Grace said quickly before her mother could hang up the phone.

"Yes?"

"Don't be mad at Clare. She wasn't the one that showed dad those pictures, it was me. I found them and I didn't know what else to do. I thought that dad had the right to know. I'm sorry."

"No, I'm sorry for ever letting that happen," Erin replied. "I shouldn't have cheated on your dad. Is he there?" Grace hesitated.

"Yeah," she finally answered.

"Do you think he'll be willing to talk to me?"

"I don't know, I can ask."

"Okay, I'll hang on." Grace sighed to herself as she walked into the living room to find her dad sitting on the couch watching T.V.. He looked up at her. He knew that Erin wanted to talk to him by the look on Grace's face.

"Mom wants to talk to you," she said softly. Nick nodded as he took the phone from Grace.

"Erin," he stated. Grace turned around and walked out of the living room, leaving Nick to have privacy just as he had done for her.

"I just wanted to know that my lawyer sent me the papers for divorce from your lawyer," she replied pausing. "Are you sure that this is what you want to do?" Nick sighed.

"Yes."

"Alright. I'll send the papers in," she replied hurtfully. "I still love you though."

"Erin, please don't."

"We could have worked this out," she continued. "I'm willing to work through our problems. Keep that in mind if you ever change your mind about this. Don't be afraid to call me, okay?" Nick closed his eyes. He didn't know what to say. He didn't want to sound heartless, but he also did not want to falsely give her high hopes.

"Yeah, but I'm not going to change my mind," he finally settled on saying.

"Bye Nick."

"Bye," he replied as hung up the phone. This part of his life was finally coming to an end. An end that he never thought that he would live to see.

Chapter 20

"So what do you think?" Alex asked as he hit the stop button on the stereo. He had just played a song for his band mates that he had been working on since he first learned that they were going to reunite. The four guys before him nodded their heads in approval, letting the song sink in. It had been a month since Nick had learned about the reunion album and each of the guys had some time to put something together. So many things had changed since the last time that they recorded together that none of them had the slightest idea on how their musical tastes had changed. There was no way in knowing how well their voices blended after all of this time, if they even blended at all. Each one of the men sitting in the studio had their own questions and fears about what might happen during recording. "Good? Bad? What?"

"It's good," Brian answered first. "I really like it!"

"Yeah," Nick agreed and Kevin and Howie nodded their heads in agreement again.

"So Nicky, what about you? I know you've got a song on you somewhere," Brian joked as he lightly tapped Nicks shoulder. Nick smiled and laughed lightly.

"I got one, but I want you guys have to be nice about it. It's really personal and kinda important to me so I don't need any of you telling me that it sucks, alright?" Nick commented as he took his turn at the stereo.

"Of course man, it's all good," Alex replied as he took Nicks seat. Nick put his CD into the stereo and looked towards his friends who were unaware of just how much Nick bared his soul into the song that they were about to hear. He kept their eyes on them for a moment longer before starting the song. Once the sounds of the song began to fill the air, Nick let his eyes move from each of the men sitting before him. He was trying to read their reactions, he wanted to know what they all thought but then again, he was also afraid that the feedback would be negative. These guys wouldn't do that, Nick thought to himself, they've seen what he had been going through. They knew where he was coming from.

"Wow," Howie mumbled once the song ended and as Nick let his attention fall on the four of his fellow bandmates. "That was really good."

"Yeah, totally kicked my songs ass," Alex replied, nodding his head to stress his point. Nick let his eyes move over towards the other two bandmates that still hadn't commented on what they had heard.

"So, what do you two think?" Nick asked nervously.

"That's deep man," Brian replied. "Real deep."

"It's a great song Nick," Kevin stated.

"Dude, I could like feel your pain man," Alex commented, then jokingly added "I think I'm gonna cry man."

"Shut up," Nick snapped with a smile on his face. He was relieved that they liked it. That they liked him. This song was so much a part of him that if they had hated it, Nick would have believed nothing else other than that they hate part of him too. Knowing that they liked it, helped him feel more confident with what he had produced.

"That's definately gonna be on the album," Howie stated, still shocked by the power of the song. Brian nodded in agreement.

"But that's going to be all Nicky's song. I don't think any of us could do it justice," Brian said as he taped Nick on the shoulder. "Good work, bro. I'm proud of ya."

"Thanks man," Nick replied greatfully.

"And on that note I think we've done enough work for today," Kevin announced.

"I never thought that I would live to see Kev say that we've done enough work," Alex said jokingly as he lightly shoved Nick causing him to laugh. Kevin looked at him with discontent.

"Well, I still can't say that I've lived long enough to say that you two have gotten mature," he shot back at the two of them, making them laugh harder.

"Don't count on it Kev," Nick replied. "Cause it isn't gonna happen. Not in a million years." Kevin smiled. As much as he complained about their behavior, he enjoyed the fact that they hadn't changed. There was still that one thing that he could count on; that would always be the same no matter how much time had passed.

"How's Grace?" Brian asked Nick as they walked out of the studio.

"She's doing pretty good," he answered.

"Spending time with her mother?"

"No, neither of us have seen Erin since the divorce was finalized."

"Oh," Brian replied, not knowing what else to say.

"So where's your family? They come down this time?" Nick questioned, making Brian relax.

"They're coming down next week. There was a couple of things that Leighanne needed to take care of before she left, Baylee is taking some time off of work to come down here, Brandon, my other son and taking some time off from college and I'm letting the others miss a couple of days so that you guys can meet them," Brian explained.

"Keep 'em in school, I'll come up and visit you guys soon enough."

"Yeah but what about Howie and Alex? Who knows when I'm going to be able to convince them to come up to the house with their families. At least this way, we're all here, at one time and we can meet all of our famlies."

"Clare's coming in to meet your family man," Nick stated as they walked onto the elevator. "Her classes don't start for another week so she wanted to be here."

"That's great man. Maybe then you guys can talk a little bit about what happened that way," Brian said. "You know, in person?"

"Yeah, but I don't think that Clare has any problems with what happened. If she did though, she'd tell me about it. We've got a great relationship, at least I hope we do."

"You guys are great together," Brian commented. "So is that guy of hers coming along with her?"

"Probably."

"We're all gonna meet up at your house, how's that?"

"Why my house?"

"It's closest to the airport that's why," he explained. "We don't want everyone to be all tired when they get here so that we can't have any fun." The elevator doors opened before them and they walked out into the lobby then out into the parking lot. "I'll see ya tomorrow."

"Yeah, see ya," Nick replied with a wave to Brian as he walked towards his car.

Chapter 21

"Nick," Brian called, shaking Nick in an attempt to walke him. Nick's eye's fluttered open and he tried to focus on Brian, but he only saw his fuzzy out line, he hadn't realized that he had fallen asleep. "Dude, we're on in ten. You gotta get up."

"How long have I been asleep?" Nick asked as he got off of the couch that he had fallen asleep on and rubbed his eyes in an attempt to clear his vision. Brian shrugged, having no idea how long Nick had been passed out for.
]
"I have no idea but you gotta get your ass ready 'cause this won't be a reunion show unless we're all on the stage," Brian joked with a smile on his face. Nick smiled back. The night was finally there. They had completed the album right on time and were able to schedual some reunion shows. Each of the guys were beyond excited about this night. Nick had been waiting for this night since the day that the group had decided that it was time to take a break. During the months they were recording and getting to know each others families, they had all realized that making music with each other was where they belonged. This was what had been missing in all of their lives.

"We're back man," Nick said in awe, still finding it hard to believe that his dreams had come true yet again and he was about to step back onto a stage and make a triumpant return with his four best friends by his side. "It's been so long since we've done this."

"I know, it feels great doesn't it?"

"I can't even begin to explain it," Nick answered as he brushed his hair. "Is everyone here?"

"Yeah, Clare and Brad got here about ten minutes ago but when straight to their seats. She was really excitied about seeing you perform. She said she's never seen you sing before."

"Yeah, I sorta left everything behind when I married Erin," he replied. "We had agreed.... we at least Erin had said that we had agreed, that it would be better that way. Needless to say, she was wrong man."

"Well everything's back now kid. Let's show everyone out there that we still got it," Brian replied with a huge smile on his face. He tapped Nick on the shoulder and said, "I'll see you out there." Nick nodded. Nick yawned and grabbed a new t-shirt, the one that he was wearing had gotten wrinkled. He pulled the fresh one over his head and took a look at himself in the mirror, good enough he thought to himself. Just as he was going to head out to meet the other guys, he heard a knock at his door.

"Kev, I was on my....," Nick started but stopped short when he saw Erin standing on the other side of the door. His shock was clear on his face. He was caught in an internal struggle, unsure if he should just have her thrown out or talk to her. He spoke, promising himself that he'd only let this conversation run as long as he didn't become angry. If he did reach any level of anger, he was going to call security and have them take her away from him. "Erin, you were the last person that I was expecting to see."

"Yeah I know, I kinda figured that," she replied softly.

"So what are you doing here?" Nick asked, wanting to get this meeting with his ex-wife over as soon as possible. He didn't want to go out on stage angry. He wanted to enjoy everything about this night, it was supposed to be amazing for him.

"I just want to let you know that you've got my support," she replied. "I know that doesn't make up for everything or even make sense any more because of everything that I've said before, but I still wanted you to know that I've got no hard feelings. I want things to be okay between us, alright? For the kids and for us. We shouldn't hate each other, we've spent a lot of time with each other."

"Look, I don't want things to go back to how they we're," Nick stated. "I'm happy with how things are right now, I'm finally happy with my life, exactly how it is. You can understand that I have to do my thing to make me happy. I guess we can talk after the show with the kids and see what they think because that's what I feel is most important, alright? But don't think there will ever be anything that you can do to fix our marrage 'cause it's not gonna happen. You should get out there and find someone new. Don't get all caught up in the past."

"Understood. Have a good show," she responded while nodding her head slowly.

"Thanks," Nick replied with a nod. Nick sighed to himself when he felt he was far enough away from Erin. In his heart, he felt that the only reason why she had returned to speak to him, to give her support, was because of the buzz that was around the groups return. She wanted to get in on the action. It was a harsh thought, he knew that, but she had never made a single attempt at fixing things between them, until now, when he was in the spotlight once again. Surprisingly, Nick was dissappointed with Erins actions. Had she had done something else, he wouldn't have cared. Maybe he thought that after spending so much time with her she wouldn't have become almost 'star-stuck,' and he was hurt that he had been wrong.

He walked towards where the other guys were getting ready to go on stage. Nick could hear the buzz from the audience from the other side of the curtain. That sound was making him crazy, he wanted to get on stage already. He wanted to be back where he felt that he always belonged, on stage performing. The curtain began to rise, the sounds of the audience grew to almost a feverish pitch. Nick was clutching his microphone tightly, ready for the moment that he had been dreaming about for years.

The bright lights covered the stage and Nick looked out to the audience. Everyone had so much energy. He smiled, with a tear in his eye, he was so happy that so many people, fans, had stuck with them after so many years. This was what it was all about, Nick thought to himself; this was what made all his hardwork worth it. The sounds of "Time," a song that had made its original appearance on their Black and Blue album and made a return on their latest album, remade to show just how much they had changed.

The span of time that had passed since the original release and current time had helped the song gain more strength and truth. Years, maybe even decades, after the song was written, the five of them still had the chance to sing it to the world. Nick glared out into the auidence, he wanted to keep a picture of this moment in the back of his mind for the rest of his life. His smiled widened when his eyes stopped on Clare. She smiled back at him and gave him a thumbs up.

The End