Author’s Notes: First of all, read this. http://www.antsmarching.org/columns/column.php?columnid=23 and I strongly agree with him. Read it. See what you think. He interpreted the lyrics wonderfully. I could go on for hours of why I agree with him. I interpreted the lyrics differently so they could fit into a story.


~Chapter One~
~If these walls came crumblin' down
Fell so hard, to make us lose our faith
From what's left you'd figure it out
We'd still make lemonade taste like a summer day~
-Dave Matthews Band (Stand Up) “American Baby”

His hair hadn’t started to gray yet but it seemed as if centuries that he’d been on a stage singing his heart out to thousand s of screaming young women and occasional men. He had to admit though, he was getting old and cosmetic surgery was a possibility. Kevin Richardson…ugly? No way. Kevin Richardson with wrinkles…definitely no.

It was a hot day with occasional soft and cool breezes and he steered his car into the driveway of an enormous whit mansion that was surrounded by beautiful purple lilies. Two tall trees stood on either side of the walk way and the grass was nicely trimmed and a deep green hue. Stepping out of the car he began to walk up the sidewalk to the house.

Stopping he rubbed the calf of his leg.

‘Maybe I pulled something while I was working out yesterday.’ He thought sighing. Shrugging it off he half walked and half limped to the door grinning at his odd sense of humor. ‘I am not getting that old, am I? I’m only forty seven.’

Ringing the door bell he stood straight and pulled the light, navy blue jacket closer around his body. Glancing at his watch it read three twenty six. Sighing, he looked up at the door as it opened.

He smiled. She was beautiful. As beautiful as she was before. Long black hair like silk and a low jaw line like himself. She had inherited her mother’s gray steel eyes that were bright yet deeply captivating.

“Hello Anna, nice to see you again.” He said and opened his arms. He saw her half smile and make a small noise of “approval.” She stepped in his hug briefly before ending it after few moments when he refused to let go.

“Hello dad.” She said. She had her arms folded across her chest and she was leaning against the door frame. He had brought her this magnificent house as if to say “I’m sorry for almost never being there when growing up, here’s an enormous house to apologize.”

“I came over to say hi.” He said. Nodding she stepped from the door way.

“Where’s little Brian?” Little Brian was six and his birthday was coming up in two weeks. ’It had been how long since I last seen him? When he was born maybe…’

“He’s upstairs dad, but you can’t see him right now. He’s asleep.” Her voice was so flat. ‘I’m so sorry Anna. I’m sorry.

“Oh okay. How bout later?” That sounded good.

No response except her turning around.

“Want something to drink. Lemonade?”

“Uh sure. That be fine.” He replied. He felt so small then. She hated him. He knew she had a right to but he didn’t want her to. It just hurt.

“Meet you out at the patio.” She said and she walked away into the kitchen. Blowing out air he walked out into the patio. A strong sweet smell of roses hit him and he smiled. ‘She had always liked roses, now Anna’s taking after her mother…’

Sitting down he made himself comfortable in the white chair. Hanging his jackets on the back of his chair, he leaned his arms on the cool glass table as the umbrella shielded him form the sun.

He heard her walk out and looked at her high jean shorts and low cut shirt with white sandals. She set a pitcher full of lemonade on the table swirling with ice. Setting two beautiful and highly decorated cuts on the table she sat down.

“Why are you wearing that?”

“What?”

“You’re revealing too much.” He said and she looked at his muscular arms, then at his chest which was hidden by his shirt then at his face.

“You’re not funny.”

“Okay, never mind.” He mumbled.

“So how’s Thoman?”

“He’s fine.” She replied quickly with a small glare over her face as she looked at the small waterfall in their garden. She looked back to him.

“What’s he doing these days?”

“Can we talk about something else?” she snapped looking at him. Her lips were straight and her eyes…nothing. There was nothing in them. Adjusting himself and clearing his throat he nodded.

“Something else, okay. So how are you?”

“I’m fine, how are you?” she said but more like mocked. He ignored it.

“I’m just fine. What are you doing these days?”

Please don’t ask what are you doing these days?

“Taking care of Brian,” she said somewhat harshly, “And just being there for him when he wants and needs me.” She said quietly and she leaned against the back of the chair and began to stare at the waterfall again.

“Anna, I’m sorry.”

“For what?” she sneered with glassy eyes, “You haven’t done anything dad.” She spat the last word out of her mouth as her lips trembled. Then she buried her face in her arms and sobbed.

“Anna, I’m sorry for everything.” He said and he stood up knocking the chair from behind him. He was a pissant, a screw up. He owed her his non-existence and he knew she was pissed off and hurt. ‘Hell I would be too.’ He said and he pulled her into his arms despite her fierce protest. He ignored her fist and heavy blows to his chest and he blinked back tears when she fell into him crying her eyes out, pouring her soul out.

“I loved you dad! You were my hero but you were never there. Mom raised me by herself. You were never there. She was married to no one. You were always touring. It was like loved the world over us. Then mom got cancer…” she screamed and she fell into his chest and he sobbed.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there, I’m sorry mom died and wasn’t there. I know I was a bad father but I’m sorry and I’ll give you the world for you to forgive me. I’ m s-sorry.” And they stood there enveloped in each others arms crying. Several moments later, Anna stood up straight and looked at him with red eyes. He looked away. He couldn’t face her.

“I’m sorry.” He said sniffing as he ran his fingers through his long hair.

“I just never thought you would apologize.” She said hugging herself, “And I liked N’Sync better than you guys. Dance music has always been my favorite.” She mumbled and he smiled wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her into him.

“Traitor.” He whispered in her ear and she laughed softly sniffing.

“Whatever dad.”

Then his cell phone rang and he flipped it open.

“No, I’m not…I’m with my daughter.” He said smiling as he looked at her, “I’m not leaving anywhere.” She smiled and leaned against his chest as he wrapped his arm around her waist.

“What?!”

“Oh my God!” he said nodding, “I’ll be right there…Yeah J…Should’ve said that in the first place.” He flipped shut his cell phone.

“Your cousin is in the hospital. You want to come?” he asked quickly grabbing his jacket. She smiled softly and shook her head.

“I’ve gotta get Brian registered at school dad.”

“I’ll visit as soon as I came baby.” He said kissing her gently against the check. Smacking her backside gently he grinned.

“Put some clothes on.”


Bluefire Productions
Copyrighted 2005©
All Rights Reserved

~Chapter Two~
~Stay, beautiful baby
I hope you
Stay, American baby
American baby ~
-Dave Matthews Band (Stand Up) “American Baby”

Although the first visit was a success, he was still a little nervous about going again. It was his daughter that he never saw grow up. Walking up the sidewalk he stopped and looked up. The house was beautiful.

Ringing the yellow glowing doorbell he stood there and waited for the door to be opened. His daughter opened it.

“Hey-”

“You need to leave.” She said with a flat voice. The same expression that she wore the first time she visited him. She leaned against the door frame blocking a way into the beautiful house. His arm was over her head and her foot was against the opposite side of the frame she was leaning on.

“What are you…” Looking at her arm, he saw discolored skin peeking from below the long shirt that hung loosely from her.

“Anna.”

“I need to take Brian to school,” she said and turned around, “Brian you almost ready hun?” she called to the kitchen.

“Almost mommy!” he called. And she turned around after he forced himself into her house and pushed the door shut.

“Anna. What’s going-”

“You need to leave. Dad, just go. I’m gonna call-”

“Call them, after you tell me what’s going on?” he grabbed her arms and pulled her to him gently. She yanked away from him viciously growling.

“Nothing is going on.” She snapped crossing her arms heaving.

“When’s Thoman get home Anna.”

“He’s on a business trip.”

“Bullshit.”

“What?” She stepped around the couch as he stepped to her

“You know that’s bullshit Anna. Don’t lie to me.”

“What do you want dad?”

“I want to know what the hell is going on. What’s wrong with your arms? Thoman hit you, grab you?”

“He loves me too much.” She said softly looking at him with arms crossed. Her face was soft and calm. He stepped quickly around the couch and grabbed her.

“Okay, I’ll tell you!” she cried out with her arms in the air. He had her by her arms and pulled her to her. They didn’t notice the small boy in the door way.

“I’ll tell you.” She said softly and he starred into her eyes. She looked away.

“I was moving some stuff and I almost fell down the stairs and Thoman grabbed me by the wrist. Dad, I’m perfectly fine, he freaked out okay. I told him I’d just explain to him.”

“Then what the hell has been going on?”

“Dad, its morning time.” Anna said rolling her eyes giving him a small smile, “I don’t want to see people in the morning. I barely want to even see Thoman that’s why I told him to go to work.”

“How long has he been on that business trip?” he said without a smile. She sighed dropping her arms.

“Since yesterday at six o’clock. Dad, really want to see what I moved? I’ll show it to you.”

“Yes, I want to see what you moved.”

“And you promise that you’ll believe me?”

“Yes.” He replied and he followed her. ‘When Thoman comes back, if this isn’t what it seems, I’m killing him. I’m going to strangle him with my bare hands.’

Kevin followed Anna as she led them to a corner recessed from the wall just before they entered the kitchen. She pointed to a crate full of magazines. Looking at them briefly as she stood next to her with crossed arms, he looked up at her.

“Why didn’t he take these down stairs?”

Smiling she sighed, “He was getting ready. He was gonna be late.”

“So he had enough time to bruise your wrist and not enough time to take the crate down stairs and set it there?” he pointed to the floor. Laughing lightly Anna patted him on the chest.

“Dad, Thoman loves me. He’d never hit me.” She said looking into his eyes. And he gave her a smile.

“Okay baby.” He said, “You take Brian to school and come visit Brian later when ya’ll aren’t busy.” He said and he began to walk from the living room. He stopped then turned, flashing a smile he waved at the boy standing in the kitchen doorway. Brian waved back slowly and Kevin walked out the door. The cool wind hit his skin and he sighed.

‘She’s lying I know it. I know she’s lying.’

His cell phone rang and he stepped into his SUV.

A/N: Domestic violence, child abuse, and sexual assault/rape have become part of this story's family.

~Chapter Three~
~Nobody’s laughing now
God’s grace is gone and the Devil is proud
But I’ve been walking a thousand miles
One last time I could see you smile~

Something had called him to the house in a hurry. It felt as if God had sent a small message to him. Ringing the door he stood there for five minutes. There was no answer. He rang the door bell again and then turned around to glance at the gathering sky. Deep gray clouds were beginning to form rapidly. The temperature had dropped drastically and he felt it. The cool air around him was dry. He turned back to the door and pulled the navy jacket closer around his body. He let a sigh escape his lips before running his hands through his hair. Getting out his cell phone he turned back to the dark sky and punched a number quickly.


“Tim.” Kevin said shifting his weight and looking down to the concrete walkway.

“Yeah. Hey little bro. What’s going on, man?”

“Do you know um, Anna’s cell phone number?” Kevin asked wiping a drop of rain from his face. He began to walk to his car. The sky was getting darker. Blowing air from his mouth he ran his tongue over his teeth.

“What is it?” he asked getting in the car. He slammed the door and leaned back in his chair.

“I’ll text it to you. I’m tired of talking to you. My son taught me how to text people.” Tim responded laughing and Kevin felt himself crack a smile. Looking at his cell, he saw the number across the screen. Dialing the number he waited patiently for an answer.

“Hello.” A small voice said on the other end.

Brian. Something’s wrong.

“Brian?” he asked. Heavy rain came down pounding in clumps down against the car roof as a loud crack of thunder cried out into the dark sky.

“Who is this?” he asked and he sounded frightened.

“Your grand daddy. Where’s mommy?”

“She’s hurt.” He said and he heard the small boy sob.

“Where are you?” Kevin asked as his breath caught in his throat.

Oh God please…

“At home. Help me. Please help mommy.”

“Okay Brian man, open the door okay.” He said and Kevin leaped from his car and he sprinted toward the door. Stopping inches from the door, his black hair clung to his face and his shirt and jacket were soaked.

The door opened seconds later and Brian began to cry. Kevin felt himself swoop the boy up in his arms and he walked in the house and closed the door. Looking at the boy as he hugged him he saw the bruises on his exposed arms.

“Where’s mommy?”

“In the bathroom u-up stairs.” He sobbed hiccupping and he began to cry heavily again.

Skipping stairs he darted around the corner and ran into the bathroom. Setting Brian out side the door, he crawled over to his daughter.

“Oh God!” he cried out, “Anna.” He whispered and he pulled her up gently.

Her face was covered in ugly bruises and cuts. Her eyes were shut and the left one was black and swollen. Various nails were chipped but he could see on one of them the French manicure. Her arms were black and blue. Her lip was cut badly and there was dried blood on the side of her mouth.

Her shirt was half open and it exposed her breast. Her bra was torn and tossed across the bathroom floor like trash. He saw her panties lying in the bath tub. Her skirt was still on but he knew what happened. Half of what happened. Thoman and Anna had been arguing and he didn’t get his way. He beat her, and then he raped her. Buttoning what was left of the buttons on her shirt he quickly laid her down against the cool bathroom floor before racing from the room. Brian began to crawl over to his mother who lay battered on the bathroom floor.

He called 9-1-1 and nearly yelled the situation to the officer that had answered. Promising they’d be there in minutes he hung up and ran back to the bathroom.

“Anna baby, I’m gonna kill him for you. I’m gonna kill that…that…” Hugging her closely he held her frame in his arms. He felt Brian snuggle in his arm and he hugged the crying boy.

Bluefire Productions
Copyrighted 2005©
All Rights Reserved

~Chapter Four~
~I hold on to you
You bring me hope, I'll see you soon
And if I don't see you, oh
I'm afraid we've lost the way~
-Dave Matthews Band (Stand Up) “American Baby”

The hospital’s lights were so bright to her. She had a fierce headache and he saw her hand go up to her head. He heard her groan and she sighed. As soon as her eyes adjusted to the light she opened one fully. (The other was still very swollen.) Looking over quietly she saw her father rubbing her son’s back. She heard the doctor walk in and she blinked. Her father looked up and he gave her a smile as he hugged her small son against his strong body.

He watched as the doctor checked her vital signs. Walking out she watched Kevin stand to his feet holding Brian in his arms. Brian wore a cast on his left arm. Other than that, blonde hair hung loosely in his face and his eyes were nearly covered by his platinum blonde hair.

“Time for a hair cut for someone?” Kevin questioned or stated smiling and she laughed softly smiling back at him.

Just then the doctor walked in behind a tall black man. He had short hair, a square jaw and an attractive face. He was built with square, broad shoulders and long legs hidden by gray wool suit pants. He wore a long black trench coat.

“Hello, this is Detective William Jones.”

“Hello, I’m going to investigate your case Mrs. Michaels.” He said, “Mr. Richardson, can you please leave.” He said as the doctor walked out of the room.

“No, he can stay.” Anna said as a nurse walked into the room and began to help prop the bed up so she could sit up. Kevin sat down and adjusted Brian in his arms so that his head rested on his chest instead of his shoulder.

“Mrs. Michaels-”

“Call me Anna please.” She said starring at his face with a small smile. Kevin sighed and she looked at him. ‘He’s cute.’ She mouthed to him and he rolled his eyes. She heard the detective laugh and her face flushed in embarrassment.

“Anna,” he said clearing his throat trying to hide a smile, “I need to know what happened.”

“Well,” she said clearing her throat and hugging herself, “Uh, Thoman and I had a fight.” She said softly and Kevin looked up clenching his jaw.

“Who’s Thoman?” he asked sitting in a chair scribbling down notes. Kevin glanced over to the small black tape recorder that sat on a table next to her hospital bed.

“He’s my husband.” She whispered sighing. She pulled the blanket around her arms.

“What was the fight about?”

“He had just come home from work and he wanted…s-sex.” She said blowing air form her mouth, “I told him no then he went all crazy on me.”

To Kevin, her eyes were big. She looked small again. Like a little girl again. His little girl had been violated. Touched. Hurt. He wanted to kill Thoman. No wait, he was going to kill him. First he’d wrap his hands slowly around the man’s neck and squeeze the life out of him slowly. As soon as he was nearly dead and he almost stopped moving he would release him and beat the living crap out of him. He’d take the dignity out of him. Then he’d finish him off by letting Anna stomp on his face or something. Smiling he nodded. He liked that.

“So what did he do? What do you mean by he went crazy on you?” he said leaning forward.

“Well uh,” Anna said swallowing hard, he saw her shudder as she gently brushed her hand across her swollen eye, “He started hitting Brian. I tried to stop him and he slammed me into the w-wall. I banged my head and it was all kind of dazy. Um uh I woke up and Brian was screaming. I got up and started hitting Thoman and he hit me again. He started kicking Brian and I ran up stairs to get the phone and then he pushed me into the bathroom…” she said and she started to cry as she buried her face into her hands. Kevin gently placed Brian in the chair and quickly strode over to her hugging her gently.

“He started hitting me and kicking me and then he raped me and then he threw my head down hard and then I c-cant re-remember anything else.” She cried clinging onto her father.

“Thank you Anna.” He said standing to his feet, “I promise I will do everything in my power to get this man in jail.” He said nodding to her. She looked at him, “I hate it when good women get stuck with stupid men.” With that he put his hat back on his head and walked out taking the tape recorder with him. She buried her face into Kevin’s chest. He gently rubbed her back.

“He’ll find him baby. Hell, I’ll find him. He ran cause he knew I was coming for him. And I am coming for him. I’ll get him. I’ll get him.” Kevin whispered in her ear and she sniffed as her head rested against his chest.

~Chapter Five~
Stay, beautiful baby
I hope you
Stay, American baby
American baby

-Dave Matthews Band (Stand Up) “American Baby”

When her eyes opened slightly that morning, sharp rays of sunlight began to leak into the room slowly and she sighed. Her eye was still slightly bruised but at least it wasn’t still swollen shut. She heard the room door open and then close. A week had passed from when she’d been at the hospital. No word from Thoman, no word yet from Detective Williams. She’d have her father call him. After he did tell her not to do anything and that if she needed anything to wait till he arrive. She was curious on if they had any leads on him yet.

She felt the bed go down as she smiled absently. A hand touched her cheek gently then she heard a soft sigh.

“Why?” he asked. His voice, so soft and so…so…she didn’t know. Something was in it. Something she hadn’t heard in a long time. Her mother almost never had it in her beautiful voice. Was it disappointment? Disappointment.

“Why do beautiful woman like you don’t tell anyone? You continue to stay and act as if it isn’t real. As if the abuse isn’t real. Anna…what did you see in him?”

“The reason we stay is when we say, when we admit the situation is real, then it’s real. But when we don’t’, it’s only pretend. It’s almost as if it’s a dream that you’ll never have again unless you think about it.” She said starring at the window as sunlight streamed through the cracked blinds. Kevin reached over and opened the blinds. The light blinded her and she shielded away. Sitting up she sighed.

“Man that was bright.” She mumbled. He looked at her and she could only face him for a second. Starring at her in a hard way, she felt herself lower her gaze.

“Anna, do you love yourself? Did you love yourself?”

“No.” she said softly as she began to play with the covers.

“Why?”

“Because I thought you didn’t love me.”

“Oh God…” he whispered and he embraced her into his arms. Tears pinched at the corners of his eyes and he suddenly felt old. He felt weird. He felt wrong. He’d never forget her words. He wanted another chance. Just another chance. One more chance to make things right.

“I’m sorry Anna.” He said into the cloth of her pajamas. Breaking the hug he starred at her, “But after I came…”

“It was a way of life dad. I was used to it.” She said and she sighed slouching. She hugged her arms around herself.

“I know Thoman will come back for me. He won’t be in jail for long if they ever find him.”

“Fuck Thoman.” He said through clenched teeth and she looked at him surprised. Giggling she looked away. He sighed and chuckled a little.

“I’m sorry for my language.” She smiled. That was the goal. A smile. Well, at least he wasn’t bad at everything.

“Anna,” he said pulling her close with sincere eyes, “I want you to forever know, “No matter what happens. No what ever happens. I love you. I’ll love you forever. I’ll love Brian forever. I’ll love you forever and I’ll try my hardest to be there for you and Brian.” He whispered to her and pressed his lips against her cheek with a soft expression, “And don’t you ever forget that.”

Bluefire Productions
Copyrighted 2005©
All Rights Reserved


Title: California

Chapter One

She sucked on the cigarette as the air whipped her fiery red hair around in the sharp winds that coursed through the alleys between tall buildings. She heard soft clicks of nearing footfalls coming down the dark, trashy alley toward them. The foot steps stopped in front of her and a tall man dressed in a trench coat stood starring at her. It did not see the dark silhouette of another person sitting against the ground with his back against the old, cracked red brick building.

“You want something?” she asked as she chucked the small burning cigarette to the ground. She smothered the butt underneath her shoe and she pulled another from her pants pocket. He heard something move and his gaze quickly snapped to the ground. A book bag was pushed from on someone’s lap to the ground. He assumed it was a boy.

“How old are you kids?” he asked and she inhaled sharply and let the smoke dance from her nostrils.

“And why the hell does that matter?” she asked with a small, sly smile. She quickly batted her eyes at him. When he kept glaring she straightened up.

“You like it up the ass. He’s right there.” She said pointing at him sitting on the ground. He saw the boy take a swig of something in a brown bag. The boy stood up.

“I charge seventy.” She said, “He charges one hundred.”

“I’m not looking for sex.” He said and he reached in his pocket and pulled out something that was hard to see at first but he saw it and he knew what it was and what it meant.

“Pia,” he said softly, “run.” The man snatched her arm. She kicked his knee and he nearly buckled. His hands released her arm and the boy threw the brown bag with the bottle at him. It was blocked by an arm. He knew he’d need stitches for that.

“Damn it you kids stop! Police!” he yelled as he ran after them. He dragged her from the alley and she followed his lead into the streets where they were oblivious to the sharp horns and abrupt brakes. The both heard the yells for them to stop and they ran faster.

“Stop!”

“Come on Pia!” he yelled and he yanked her so hard that she had to jump to keep balance. He led her across another busy intersection as the two cut through the bitter cold night. He pulled her into a path in Central Park and he jumped pulling them both into a bush in the forested area of the large park. Several seconds later, above their quiet panting, they could hear the slowing steps of the familiar shoes that had walked down the alley earlier. They both heard him mutter a cure and then the quick foot steps disappeared.

She let a rush of air refill her burning lungs. She panted hard as she leaned against his chest. He hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her red head. He could still smell the cigarette smoke freshly radiating off of her as she buried her head in his chest.

“God, Alex.” She whispered and he kissed her head, “I was so fucking scared I couldn’t move until like a second later.” She said, “You think he recognized us?”

“I don’t know.” He said stroking her hair and she eased on him sighing.

“I can’t believe we were that close to the police.” She whispered. He pulled her off the ground.

“What are we doing?” she questioned sharply.

“We’ve got to leave Pia.”

“Why AJ?”

“They’re gonna come back Pia. We’ve got to go.” He said and he pulled her from the forested area.

“What about our stuff?” she asked and he shook his head.

“We can’t go back. We gotta leave.” He said and she pulled her arm from him.

“I want his blanket Alex.” She said and he groaned.

“Pia.” He sighed.

“I need it AJ please.” She begged.

“Fine. We grab the bags, we can’t Pia. He’s probably called his little friends by now and they’re all over our stuff.” He said and he looked at her, “Look Pia, they’re not going to throw his blanket away. We gotta leave now and I swear to God we will come back.” He said and she nodded.

Chapter Two

Alexander James McLean was thirteen when he ran away. His mom couldn’t keep enough money from drugs to support the family. She died in an alley and AJ as they called him in the streets decided what he’d do. He’d seen the foster kids get picked on by his friends and he didn’t want to be next. So that night as he watched his mother die, he left running on the first


Title: In The Rough
Chapter Five

He came home that night and checked his answering machine for the first time in two weeks. Seven calls were from his mom, two from his dad about not returning his mom's, three from brother John about not returning his first call and mom and dads and then there was a blank one. Soft sobbing