Chapter One
 
Anita laughed as Kevin pulled her down into his lap.
 
"Let go you crazy person!"
 
"Mmm babe, this is the life." Kevin answered kissing her neck.
 
"I need to go to the store."
 
She looked at him.
 
"Why?"
 
"To get a test of course." He answered. "I mean after last night, well I am pretty sure you are pregnant."
 
She giggled and turned to kiss him.
 
"I can't believe we have already been married for six months."

"Oh, I can." He answered.

He gently shifted her so he would be able to stand up.

"Do you have to go Kev?" Anita asked with a pout.

"Yes darling. We have to know if you are pregnant."

She flushed slightly but her eyes glowed happily. She watched as Kevin glanced out the window. A slight drizzle had started. He winked at her as he pulled on a sweatshirt.

"Do you have to go?" She said once again this time with a frown.

He let his eyes travel over his wifes face. She looked worried suddenly.

"What's wrong darlin?"

"I don't know. I just hate being out in the rain."

"Baby," He started taking her into his arms. "I will not be away for more than 20 minutes ok?"

She sighed hard her shoulders slumping.

"Ok, just be careful."

He leaned in and kissed her gently. She closed her eyes to savor the taste of him. She hated not being by his side all the time.

She wrapped her arms around his neck as he lifted her up.

"What are you doing?" She questioned with a smile.

"Putting you onto the couch so you can rest."

"I can walk you know..."

"If you are pregnant, I will not take any risks."

She rolled her eyes playfully but let him do what he wanted.

"Be back in a while babe." He quickly kissed her again and walked out.

Bored to be alone, Anita grabbed a magazine and set to read.

*************************************

Anita paced in the living room. Where the hell was Kevin? He had already been gone for over an hour.

She walked to the window and looked outside hoping to see his car turning into the drive way. Instead, all she saw were the sheets of rain that was falling.

Her phone rang, drawing her away from the window.

"Is Kevin back?" Rachel asked when Anita picked up the phone.

The two were best friends. Ray dated Brian who was Kevins first cousin.

"No." Anita sighed.

"Well I'm sure he will be home soon. The rain is outragous so he is probably driving safely.

"Yeah, I suppose."

There was a brisk knock at the door.

"I have to go Ray, there is someone at the door." Anita said.

"Ok, call me when Kevin gets home."

Anita hung up and walked to the door humming. She swung it open and froze when she saw two soaked uniformed police men.

"Are you Mrs. Richardson?" The one on the left asked.

"Um yes..." She said slowly wondering what in the world they wanted with her.

They stepped in removing their hats. Rain dripped off of them onto the hall way floor.

"Mrs. Richardson, there has been an accident. Your husband Kevin was in an accident."

Anita felt all of the air leave her. Her heart was pouding. An accident! She wished they would get out of the way she had to get to the hospital to see him.

She wasn't aware that she was moving until a hand stopped her. She turned and looked into the eyes of the second officer.

"Mrs. Richardson, your husband is dead." She said.

"NO!" Anita screamed unwilling to listen to the words that were just spoken.

The officers both had sad looks on their faces.

Anita tore away from them and ran out into the rain. She ignored their commands for her to stop. She flew in agony across the street to the familiar house and began pouding on the door.

The door flew open and there stood a startled Brian and behind him, a wide eyed Ray.

"Anita! What's wrong?" Brian asked alarmed at his cousin-in-law's appearance.

Anita opened her mouth to speak but couldn't get the horrible words out. The world was closing in on her and she could not breath. She sank to the floor in a dead faint.

************************************

Brian held a sobbing Rachel in his arms as the officers told them of the accident. Brian was in too much shock to cry yet. How could his cousin be dead?

They had just finished their new album Never Gone and were going to get ready for a tour. No, there was just no way that Kevin, 34 years old, happily married Richardson of the Backstreet Boys could be dead.

Brian had laid Anita on the couch and after sitting Rachel down, he went to check on her. He found her to just be stirring.

"Please tell me it's not true." Anita wispered, eyes red.

Unable to tell her what she wanted, Brian hung his head.

Chapter Two

Ray walked into the darkened room with a sigh. Anita was still curled up under the blankets, whisps of hair sticking out.

"Come on Anita. It is time to get up."

"Go away." Anita answered dully.

"It's been a month. You have to get up."

There was no response, but then a groan as Anita slowly pulled herself up.

Ray looked at her friend carefully. Anita had given up on life it seemed. Her eyes were always red brimmed and her hair dull.

Her once beautiful creamy skin was just pale and almost yellow like.

"Aaron is flying in today. Brian and I have to go pick him up. Be ready for a special dinner when we get back."

Anita sighed hard and threw the blankets back swinging her legs over to the side. She listened as the door shut and the car back up as Rachel and Brian left.

Anita didn't feel like getting up but knew she had to. She reached over to flip on her Merril Bainbridge Song.

Where do I go from here?
Or am I just like a clock spinning round?
Everything seems unclear
Confusion is raising its head and I can't make a sound

And I feel it
Tearing at my soul while I'm asleep
I feel it
Driving me to something I'll regret

Anita sat listening to the words. She sang along softly. The words described exactly how she felt. It was so scary but the lyrics touched her heart making it ache.

She closed her eyes trying to stop the tears from falling. She clutched her pillow as the face of her husband floated through her mind.

What if I make the change?
What if I lose all my courage this time?
Everything seems so strange
Try but I can't seem to make a decision that's right

And I feel it
Pounding like a drum inside my brain
I feel it
If it doesn't stop I'll go insane

Once again, Anita wondered how this woman could have lyrics that were so much how she felt. She was trying to let go of the hurt for Kevin's loss. She needed the courage and the the pain was pounding in her head like a drum.

The loss of Kevin was pushing her to the edge, she was going insane.

I feel it
Tearing at my soul while I'm asleep
I feel it
Driving me to something I'll regret
I feel it...I feel it
If it doesn't stop I'll go insane

She carefully put the cd on repeat and got up to change and get ready. She wasn't exactly thrilled to have Aaron home. He was rather loud and annoying.

She sighed. She knew that she would miss the peace and quiet of the house.

She was brushing her hair out when she heard the car pull up. Her shoulders dropped when she heard the car doors slam. They were home already.

Anita sat on her bed thinking when there was a knock on the door.

"Who is it?" She called out.

"It's me, Air head."

She sighed and opened the door a crack.

Aaron looked at her with a solem face.

"Well, I'm back."

She nodded keeping the door blocked with her body.

"Aren't you happy to see me?"

She shrugged not feeling a thing.

He sighed.

"Are you ready for dinner?"

"I'd rather not go."

Aaron looked at her with his sad eyes.

"May I come in?"

She hesitated, the stepped back and opened the door enough for him to slip in.

***********************

"Oh Brian, he has to help he's our only hope!" Ray sighed.

Brian burried his head into his hands.

"He has to make her happy he just has to!" Ray went on about Aaron.

Brian ran a hand through his hair and looked at his girlfriend.

Kevin had been the one to introduce them. With out Kevin, Ray and Brian would have never gotten together.

Ray saw the look and stopped her face changing.

"Brian, honey, don't." She said softly.

Brian did his best to blink back tears but it was no use. They spilled down his cheeks.

Ray went to him and hugged him. It was her job to be the strong one. She had to be strong for all of them