A.N.: This fic is based on roleplaying/co-writing I've done with a friend of mine, Jenny. Enjoy! Disclaimer: Only own Tesia & story idea. Jenny owns April. Brian & A.J. own themselves. Thank-you. Warning: Language & implied slash. Note: This Tesia is not Tesia McLean from my Tesia/A.J. series. This is a totally different thing. Y'all may've noticed, I like to re-use names I adore. Lol. Also, Crawling Back To You is on the new BSB album, Never Gone.

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Everybody knows That I was such a fool To ever let go of you But baby I was wrong And yeah I know I said We'd be better off alone It was time that we moved on I know I broke your heart I didn't mean to break your heart

"I'm sorry, but I can't do this," Brian said, quickly pulling away from the one who claimed to love him more than anyone. They'd been in the middle of making out, but when he'd reached lower, he'd freaked out.

"But - why not?"

"Because I just - I don't feel the same," Brian lied - least, he felt like he was lying somehow.

"How come?"

"Just - you're - you're a guy," Brian dead-panned.

"Obviously," was the sarcastic reply he got.

"I'm sorry, but I just can't. It just - it freaks me out," Brian tried to explain.

"So after leading me on, you don't feel the same," he was accused. "I pour my heart an' soul out to yah, an' this is how yah repay me - by taking my feelings for yah an' throwin' 'em back in my face. Thanks a Hell of a lot."

"Oh, c'mon! You know it's not like that!" Brian exclaimed.

"Bullshit, Brian! It is like that! I give you my heart, an' you give me a slap of what you believe is reality!"

Brian stumbled over his words. "No - I-I'm not trying to be mean. I'm-I'm sorry. You just don't understand."

"I think you're the one who don't understand. Loving you is as easy and enjoyable as breathing. You mean the world to me an' know it, an' yet you don't care. If yah never wanted me to begin with, yah never shoulda done shit with me that would toy with my heart an' emotions!"

"I-I didn't think! I'm sorry!" Brian cried. "But I'm-I'm not a girl. You act like I'm a girl."

"No, you act as though I'm a girl, an' when yah realize I'm not, yah freak out."

Brian sighed heavily. "It's not gonna work - you gotta face reality. What will everyone think?"

"F*ck what everyone thinks! I love you an' that's all that matters to me an' it's all that should matter to you!"

"I can't do this! Don't you see what I mean? The fans, the fellas, my folks - everybody! I'm not-I'm not gay!"

"Neither am I - I still love girls. I just happen to love you more. You're the only guy I love, Brian! You!"

"Just - I'm sorry."

The one arguing defence saw red then, and began to yell - mainly from the pain of a shattered heart. "Get out! GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!!!"

"But - " Brian tried.

"GET THE F*CK OUT!!!!"

Brian winced at the tone being used, and feeling ashamed, left the room rather quickly. "I'm sorry," he said softly as he left. "But it just won't work."

But baby, here I am Banging on your front door My pride's spilled on the floor My hands and knees are bruised And I'm crawling back to you Begging for a second chance Are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth And now I'm crawling back to you

The next few days were sort of awkward between the two that had fought. They had talked since their argument, but it was still strained and painful - for one more so than the other.

"Hey Bone," Brian smiled forcefully.

"Hey Rok," A.J. smiled back, his just as forced, but more weak than anything.

"How yah been? How's April?"

"Okay," A.J. answered. "An' she's a lil' pissed I ditched her like I did - it hurts that she don't trust me now. But it's me, I'ma f*ck up everything like always."

"Bone, you don't screw everything up," Brian assured him as best he could. "An' if you did, well, you had help this time 'round, yanno?"

"Don't matter. I'ma f*ck up every relationship I ever have - whether it actually happens or not, I'ma still f*ck it all up."

"C'mon. Yanno that's not true."

"Isn't it, Brian? I mean, look at all that's happened in three days. I've lost April, lost you, an' can't get either of yah back."

"Aje, you never lost me. I told you, you're still one of my best friends."

A.J. just shakes his head, none too amused. "Yah got no idea what I feel like right now an' yah never will. Yah never gonna get in this kinda position I'm in. I'ma drown in all this shit. I swear I am, it hurts so bad."

Brian placed his hand upon A.J.'s shoulder. "Alex, it's not your fault. You can't help who you love, and I know you weren't trying to hurt anyone. But this is for the best, and deep down you know it."

"No, I don't know it!" A.J. snapped. "I don't want to know it! Dammit!"

Brian sighed heavily. "I'm sorry," he apologized, giving A.J.'s shoulder a squeeze before walking away.

A.J. takes a couple deeps breathes, to try and regain control of his mixed up emotions. "Nobody'll ever know."

I know you're in there And you can make me wait But I'm not gonna wait This is the least that I can do Just is to tell you face to face I was lying to myself Now I'm dying in this hell Girl, I know you're mad I can't blame you for being mad

Brian kissed the one he was with right then. He just couldn't help it.

The one with him smiled. "You sure?"

Brian nodded, to show that he was sure. "Yes, I'm sure."

He recieved a grin in return, and was quickly led to the bed in the Hotel room.

Brian lay upon the bed, and smiled as the one with him straddled him, covering him in kisses.

"Thank-you," the other party murmured softly. "I love you."

"I love you," Brian answered, knowing what he meant, but not sure if the other knew the meaning behind those words.

They made out for a while, like they had last time - but this time a hand job was done as well - thus furthering their relationship just a lil' bit.

Brian smiled after his hand job, and reached down to relieve his friend - freezing when he once again realized exactly who he was with. He squished his eyes shut and immediately yanked his hand back after a moment. "I can't. I'm sorry."

"What the f*ck!?!?!" The one he was with exclaimed. "You said you were fine with it! You said!"

Brian squished his eyes shut even more, trying desperately not to cry. "I'm sorry. I tried, I did. I just - I can't."

"Dammit! Quit toying with my emotions!"

"I-I don't mean to! I swear!" Brian cried. "I thought it'd be okay now! I told myself it was okay! But - I was wrong. I'm sorry."

"Sorry won't cut it! I'm sick of you filling my heart with happiness, an' then rippin' it outta my chest a few moments later! I can't handle it no more! I'm not that strong! I'm not!"

"I-I just - I thought - " Brian tried. "I'm sorry."

"QUIT APOLOGIZING! QUIT HURTING ME! F*CK!"

"I'll-I'll just go," Brian whispered, around a lump in his throat.

The door was thrown open and the one whose room it was glared at Brian through their tears. "OUT! Just - OUT!"

Brian quickly got his pants and boxers back up, and headed for the now opened door. He paused long enough to look at the one who was already in tears. "I really am sorry. I tried-I did. I didn't wanna hurt you and see you like this, yanno? I'm just-I'm sorry."

He got a nod in response, but nothing more and nothing less.

Brian sighed, and left again, heading for his own room now. Twice now, he'd screwed up. If he wasn't careful, he was really going to f*ck up their friendship. And he didn't want that to happen for all the money in the world. He'd never forgive himself if he ever destroyed their friendship. Never.

But baby, here I am Banging on your front door My pride's spilled on the floor My hands and knees are bruised And now I'm crawling back to you Begging for a second chance Are you gonna let me in? I was running from the truth And now I'm crawling back to you

Brian opened his door and smiled. "Hey Bone!"

"Rok! I need your help!"

Brian frowned momentarily. "With what?"

"I can't do this anymore! You know how I feel! It's not fair! F*ck the world! Please!"

Brian's shoulders sagged as he gave a heavy sigh. "Aje, it's not that simple for me and yanno that. I tried and look what happened, remember?"

"I know!" A.J. whined. "But - please?"

Brian looked at his friend, whom was now pouting and felt like the biggest heel ever. "You already know my answer, so why do you keep trying?"

"Because!" A.J. exclaimed. "It hurts too damned much not to try! I have to try Brian! I just have too! I'm sorry! But it's how I feel!"

"Then respect how I feel," Brian told him sadly. "I tried, it failed. I can't handle it - I'm not even sure yanno if you can handle it."

"I can! I can! I can!" A.J. cried desperately. "Yanno I can!"

Brian just shook his head. "My answer is still no. I'm sorry. Being your friend is all I can do, and it's what I want. I want you as my friend Bone. You mean too much to me to lose our friendship."

"But this could strenghthen it an' further it!" A.J. argued.

"And what if it doesn't work out and we lose everything, huh? Then what?" Brian demanded. "I'm not willing to take that risk. I can't handle that risk - especially not if it were to fail and we were to lose what we already have."

"But I am!" A.J. whined.

"And I'm not," Brian replied firmly. "Now, please, if you care as much as you say you do, just accept what I've offered, alright? Please Bone? For me?"

A.J. nodded some, though he looked absolutely, utterly crushed like he never had before. He gave his friend a slight grin, then turned and abruptly walked out of the room. He'd come crawling back so many times, only to get nothing in return. He might as well go crawling back to his most recent ex - the one whom he still loved dearly.

If you could see these tears I'm crying Touch these hands that can't stop shaking Heal my heart that's heavily bleeding You would see a different man

Brian closed his door and sat down upon his Hotel room bed. He placed his head in his hands as he began to cry. He felt just absolutely horrible for doing what he'd done to his best friend so many times - but he was scared. Scared and nervous as Hell. He hadn't meant to wind up this way, but he loved his best friend too much to risk their friendship on something that could turn out to be nothing more than just some crazy fling. He just couldn't risk it! His friend just meant too damned much to him to go and do that.

"I'm sorry," Brian whimpered through his tears. "Please Lord, forgive me for hurting him. It just won't work. I just can't risk it! I'm sorry! I just can't! Please make him see that, Lord. Please!"

Brian lay upon his bed then, and just cried. He loved his friend too much - just too much. His friend made him so happy, and he knew he did the same for his friend - but it was too great a risk to take. He felt it to be even riskier than the heart surgery he'd had all those years ago. And this was one risk he was just too damned scared to take!

"Please let him forgive me," Brian whispered, wiping at his eyes to try and make his tears stop. "Please! Let him see I'm doing what's best! Please!"

Once he had calmed himself down some more, he shakily got up and went to the bathroom to clean his face up some. He paused when he saw his reflection in the bathroom mirror. He looked like shit - his friend had looked like shit. He sighed the heavist sigh yet, feeling lower than the earthworms buried in the dirt. He turned the taps on, and splashed some water on his face, wiping it off once he deemed himself presentable enough.

Brian thought to himself, almost in third person. 'The world couldn't know - their friends and family couldn't even know. Though, sadly, they already did know - they knew more than he had wanted them to know. And his cousin - Kevin - had blown a gasket, looking ready to kill them both. Thank God for Tesia - Kevin's girlfriend - for calming him down some and distracting him enough, so that they could disappear rather quickly. She knew and understood - hell, she even supported, But, not everybody was like Tesia - not everybody would understand and accept. Kevin sure as hell never would. And if Kevin never understood, how could he expect his parents to understand? How?'

"If we lived in a different world," Brian whispered. "If only we lived in a different world..."

But baby, here I am Banging on your front door My pride's spilled on the floor My hands and knees are bruised And I'm crawling back to you Begging for a second chance Are you gonna let me in? (let me in) I was running from the truth And now I'm crawling back to you

Brian smiled as he watched the one he had realized he'd come to love. The one he loved had gone crawling back to his already pregnant girlfriend. He knew his friend was happy, as he had given him the go-ahead to crawl back to April - to the one he knew his friend loved also.

"Hey Rok!" A.J. grinned cheerily. "April an' I are gonna go do some sight-seein'. Yah wanna come with?"

"Nah," Brian answered, shaking his head some, though still smiling softly. "I'm good. Think Nick an' I were gonna do something."

"Well, have fun an' tell the Kid I said he'd best annoy Kev to Hell an' back today, if Tes ain't done so already."

Brian chuckled somewhat. "Yeah. I'll be sure to tell him that."

A.J. let go of April's hand, long enough to deliver a sloppy kiss to Brian's cheek. "Thanks Rok - for everything."

Brian nodded. "Anytime Bone. Yanno where to find me, if needed."

"I'll always know," A.J. answered, giving him a re-assuring smile. "An' same for you, Rok. Yanno where to find me - just knock first!"

Brian laughed a lil' bit. "Yeah, yeah. Now, git."

A.J. gave an insane laugh, as he grabbed hold of April's hand, and took off out the Hotel lobby doors with her at his side.

Brian shook his head. His friend sure was a crazy one - but so was he at times.

Once A.J. and April were long gone, and he was all by himself, Brian headed for the private sitting room they'd rented for meetings. He plopped down on the couch to sulk all by his lonesome. He'd lied when he'd said Nick and him were to hang out - well, not entirely lied. They were going to hang out - just not right at this very moment.

"Why me?" Brian muttered to himself. Just when he'd been sure and ready to go crawling back to his friend, his friend had come in all panicked and asked permission to go crawling back to his ex-girlfriend. He should've known it wouldn't last long enough - he'd told his friend, after all, to move on and get over him. But why had his friend have to go and do it so soon? And now - now he couldn't go crawling back like he truly wanted, as he couldn't put his friend in the position of hurting April again - especially not now, since she was pregnant and overly emotional. It just wouldn't be fair to anyone for him to go crawling back now. Nope. He'd have to suffer this alone now, knowing his friend still loved him and wanted him, but had moved on, so he could be happy and make his girlfriend happy again once more.

"I'm such a fool," Brian mumbled, tears filling his dreamy, electric blue eyes. "Why'd I let him go? Why? Why couldn't this be so, when he'd wanted it to be so? Why'd I hafta be so damned scared 'till it was too late? Why? Oh, why? Why'd I run from the truth I knew all along? Why?!?!"

Brian sat there in tears, as he continued to question himself on why he had been such a fool to make his friend let it all pass by. He wished he could turn back time, and still know what he knew now. Though, part of him was releived to know that he still had a friendship - a friendship that meant as much to him as it did to his beloved friend.

He gave a bitter laugh. "I know, Aje. I know now," he said aloud. "I know how you felt. God, I know."

Banging on your front door My pride's spilled on the floor I was running from the truth And now I'm crawling back to you Yeah! Now I'm crawling back to you (Crawling back to you) Crawling back to you (Crawling back to you)