She looked at her watch and was surprised to see it was almost 11.00 pm. It wasn’t the first time this week that she worked that late. She quickly logged off her account, then set the computer in sleep-mode. She glanched at what she had been working on, a campaign for a new woman’s perfume called “Memories”. She had started making a collage to help her come up with ideas for a commercial. On the big sheet of paper, she had created a romantic ambience, with red roses, black silk, but also photographs of an ice pick, a forest covered in snow and a wooden cabin. She kept staring at the piece of paper for another ten minutes before she realized she should really get going. She smiled, then tucked a lock of her blonde hair behind her ear. She loved her job, but sometimes liked it too much, for her social life almost didn’t exist at the moment. She worked in advertising, which suited her creative personality well. She decided to now really call it a night, go home and take a long hot bath. She got her purse and put some unfinished work in her red case. Maybe she could take a look at it on the weekend. “Wendy, you’re a workaholic,” she said to her herself. And a nut too, now that you’re talking to yourself as well. She took one final look at her desk, headed for the hallway and closed the door of her office on her way out. She checked to see if she had her cell phone, found it in the left pocket of her jeans and walked over to the elevator, which seemed to take forever to get to her floor. When it finally arrived, she stepped in, pressed one of the buttons and waited for the doors to close.

While the elevator was going down, her thoughts went over to Brian. She wondered what he was doing. It probably hadn’t anything to do with work. Even though he loved his job, he also made sure he had enough time for a social life. She should join him sometimes, see the guys again. But not now, not now it was crazy at the office. She smiled, when wasn’t it busy at McKinleys?

Her thoughts were interrupted when the doors of the elevator slided open. She walked out of the elevator and headed for the exit, hoping she’d be able to catch a cab quickly. When she got outside, she was surprised that the weather was still that nice at this hour and she decided to walk home instead of grabbing a cab. She would take a shortcut through the park, so she could be home in 10 minutes most. If only she knew what would happen, she wouldn’t have walked home..

While walking through the park, Wendy thought of her friends, Phoebe and Suzie, who didn’t even know each other. It was too bad Suzie lived in Australia, now they didn’t see each other as much as the did back in the old days when they both were still at high-school. Thank God for e-mail. They e-mailed each other at least once a week and every now and then they called each other to pick up where the e-mails had ended. Phoebe and Suzie should meet someday, they could be friends as well, she thought. Phoebe, dear Phoebe. She left work at a normal hour for once. She was just as much as an workaholic as Wendy, but had a headache, so she decided to turn in early so she could catch up on work during the weekend. Suddenly, Wendy heard a sound coming from behind her. She had no idea what it had been, so she looked around to see with her eyes what her ears had heard.


Meanwhile outside of the “Bella”restaurant

“That was great!”, Nick belched.
“We noticed, Frack! You were eating as if someone was about to take your plate away!” Brian laughed while shaking his head as he walked over to Nick’s car, since he was the one who’d drop him off.
“I did not!”
“You did too!” the other four guys replied in unison.
“Ok, so maybe I did, but hey, I haven’t eaten anything for at least...”
“Half an hour!” Howie, who was leaning against A.J.’s car, was also shaking his head and laughed as he saw Nick’s face turn just as red as the tomatosauce he just ate. “Come here you!” Nick said while he was walking over to hit him on the head. Howie, now acting to be terrified, tried to hide behind Kev for shelter, thinking that might scare his young friend off, but it didn’t. Nick caught him, hit him on the head, Howie smacked him on his arm, and so they continued to horse around, as the other men were watching them. A.J. rolled his eyes, but then decided to join in on the fun as he jumped on Nick’s back, who then desperately tried to shook him off.

Brian was just about to join in as well when his cell started to ring, so he took it out of his pocket to see who it was. He was surprised to see “Wendy” in the display, because she never called this late. He opened the cell, and covered his left ear to block out the noise made by the others. “Hey Wendy, what’s up?!”
“Bri, it's me, I need some help.. so much pain.." Wendy whispered.
"Guys, SHUT up!", Brian yelled as he turned around. The guys instantly stopped moving and yelling, A.J. still on Nick’s back and Howie caught in the blonde’s grasp. "Where are you?" he continued, his voice filled with worry.
"Central Park, by the pond.. I think."
"Stay with me, baby. Wendy? Wendy??!!", but she couldn't reply. Her whole world just went black.
“Owh my God, owh my God.. Wendy?!” Brian was panicking, hands shaking, causing him to almost drop his cell. “Bri, what’s going on?! Tell us man!” A.J. grabbed him by the shoulders and gently shook him, trying to get his attention, but Brian kept staring at his cellphone in disbelief. It wasn’t until A.J. yelled his name that he snapped out of his state of shock. “We have to go, NOW!”
“But where are we going, what the hell is going on?!”, Kevin fearfully asked, puzzled of what was going on.
“Nick, come with me, the rest of you, go with Kev! Alex, I’ll call you from the car to fill you in, okay? We have to go now!! Come on!!!” Brian rushed out as he turned around.

None of this made any sense to the other four men, but seeing how scared their friend was, they decided to not ask anymore questions and just get in the cars. “Nick, you drive!” Brian said while he jumped into the passenger seat. “Where are we going?!” the blonde asked, as he roared his car to life. “Central Park, just put the car anywhere near it!” Brian was trying to dial A.J.’s number, but his hands were shaking that bad, he just couldn’t do it. When his cell rang again, he slightly jumped before answering it. ” I-it was Wendy.. S-she could barely speak.. and she.. she asked me for help. She’s hurt, Jay.. Hurt bad.. I can tell... Central Park, by the pond... Don’t know.. She never replied.. Owh God..I-”
“ Bri, relax.” A.J. replied with a quivering voice. “She- DAMN!! We’ll see you guys at CP, we just got stranded in front of a traffic light. Don’t go anywhere without us, okay?” Brian closed his cell and looked over at Nick, who also had fear written all over his face. “We’ll find her Bri, and everything will be allright.”
Brian shook his head as he tried to hold back the tears. “You don’t even believe that yourself..”

~~~~

“Okay. Let’s go!” Brian jumped out of the car, but was stopped when Nick grabbed hold of him. “Shouldn’t we wait for the others, so we can split up and find her sooner?” But Brian didn’t even hear him anymore. He shook off Nick’s hand and ran towards the pond as fast as he could. Nick shook his head, but decided to follow him and make sure he wouldn’t be out there by himself when he found her. From what he had heard, things might be really bad.

“That’s just great. Where the hell are they?” A.J. said as he, Kevin and Howie ran into Central Park.
“Calm down, Alex, we’ll find them.” Kevin spoke with a soft voice. Just as he finished his sentence, his cell started to ring. “Hey Kev, it’s Nick. Brian ran off towards the pond and I couldn’t stop him. Just meet us over by the information sign and the three benches in front of it. Do you know where that is?”
“I know. We’ll be right there.” Kevin closed his cell and let out a deep sigh. He just hoped things weren’t as bad as they looked right now.

Brian’s heart was pounding like crazy, and he ran like crazy as well. That’s probably why he didn’t see the object in the middle of the path, causing him to fall face down on the ground. “Bri, are you alright?” Nick yelled as he ran over to him. Brian rubbed his knee, but appeared to be alright for the most part. “Yeah, I’m ok, just a few scratches. We sure could use a flashlight or something.”
“You rang, sir?” A.J. said while he turned the switch on the flashlight he was holding. “Why are you on the ground? Did you find anything?!” Brian pointed at the object that caused his fall. “I tripped over something right there.” Kevin walked over to take a look at the object and picked it up. A.J. shined it with the flashlight so everyone could see what it was that Kevin was holding. As soon as Brian recognized it, panic returned at full force. “Owh my God..owh my God.. it’s.. it’s her case.” He said with a cracked voice.
“Then she can’t be far, Bri! We’ll find her!” In his heart, Nick wasn’t so sure.

The men used two flashlights to have a better look at the surroundings, but couldn’t find her. They tried calling out her name, but never got a response. Just when they began to think she couldn’t be there, Howie looked in the bushes behind the benches and let out a scream like he had just seen a ghost. The others ran over to him and were as shocked as he was when they saw her. Because of the shock, none of them were able to move even an inch. Kevin was to first to come to his senses and kneeled next to Wendy, to see if she had a pulse. “Is she.. she can’t be.. tell me, Kev, is she..” Brian couldn’t even finish his sentences as he sat there shaking.

“She has a pulse, but it’s very weak. We have to get her to a hospital as soon as possible. Forget about calling an ambulance, A.J.” he said as he saw him opening his cell. “We have to get her there ourselves.”
“But maybe we do more damage if we transport her ourselves.” A.J. replied.
“Believe me, that’s hardly possible.” Kevin said as he let out a sigh. He scooped her up, as carefully as he could and then started to walk to the car as fast as possible. A.J. opened the door to the backseat and took place behind the wheel. Kevin carefully put her in the backseat and sat down next to her. He held her tight, and continued to check her pulse, which seemed to be getting weaker every second. A.J. looked to the rear view mirror. “I’ll get us there as fast as I can, while still driving safely. Just hang in there, sunshine..”
Kevin now got to get a good look at her. Her face was all swollen, her nose was bleeding, so was most of her upper body. It looked like she had been stabbed or something. This definitely didn’t look good and Kevin felt anger growing inside of him. What kind of idiot would do this, to her or to anyone? But when he looked at her, the anger disappeared to the background and sadness took its place. And right there, that minute, he made a promise. I’ll be there for you, Wendy, just like you were there for me three years ago and we’ll get through this together, you, me, Phoebe, and the guys.

“Rok, just sit down for five freaking minutes, man! It’s making me frantic.” Nick said as he tugged Brian’s shirt as his older friend kept pacing up and down the small waiting room. “I just can’t, Nick. I just can’t.”
“Bri, please sit down, getting upset won’t help her in there!” Kevin said as he looked towards the hallway where the operating rooms were. And he didn’t want his cousin to end up in the hospital again as well, he quietly thought to himself. “For just this once, Kev, don’t baby me. My health is perfectly fine, and nothing will happen with me, alright?!” Brian snapped at his cousin, as if he had read his mind. Kevin thought otherwise, but was wise enough not to respond. “How long has she been in there now?!” Brian now really began to panic. “It’s been three hours or so,” Howie replied, “but I’m sure the doctor will come and talk to us as soon as they finished the operation.” “I know.”
Half an hour later Brian finally sat down, staring at the wall, but seeing absolutely nothing. He was thinking of all the memories they shared. Thinking of them brought a smile to his face, but at the same time a tear was rolling down his cheek, because he was afraid of losing her.
“I’m going to get something to drink. Anyone else want something?” No one answered, so A.J. went to find a vending machine. He really wasn’t that thirsty at all, but he just had to get out of that waiting room for a minute or so. The tension in there was killing him. He got himself a bottle of water and just stared outside of a window for a moment. Just hang in there, sunshine.. He always called her that. He didn’t even remember how that started, but he knew she liked it. She was his sunshine, she had always been, but it became exceptionally clear when he went through the darkest period in his life. While he was in rehab and therapy, she somehow always managed to make him laugh so hard that he ended up crying. Of course he had the guys supporting him in every way they could, but it was different, talking to a woman about it. She just has to get through this, she has to. We all need her down here, we really do.

In the mean time, Howie almost fell asleep in the waiting room.
“How the hell can you sleep at a time like this?” Brian snapped at him.
Howie startled, and sat up, rubbing his eyes while his head turned red. He looked at Brian, ashamed of the habit that sometimes really got him in trouble. “I..I..Sorry man, it’s not as if I don’t care.”
“You have really weird ways of showing that then.” Brian replied as he raked both hands through his hair.
“Bri, I know you’re upset, we all are, but you don’t have to snap at all of us. That ALSO won’t help her.” Kevin sounded angry. “At times like these we need each other most and you know that as well as I do.” Brian didn’t reply. Sometimes he hated Kevin for always being right. He looked up as he heard the door, but was disappointed to see A.J. come back in. About five minutes later, the doctor finally showed up.

“Please stay seated. I’m Dr. Greene.” The doctor said as he walked in the waiting room, sitting down across the five men. He looked at the chart he was holding. “Wendy’s just on her way to the Intensive Care.”
“How is she? Will she be allright? Why does she have to go to the IC-unit? Can we..”
“Brian, let the doctor do the talking for a moment.” Nick spoke softly while he put an arm around Brian’s shoulder as if that would keep him safe from what was about to come. Nick already saw that things were bad, very bad. He could tell by the way the Dr. Greene looked at them.
“She was very weak when you brought her in. We discovered that she has been beaten in the face for at least ten times. She broke her nose because of that. But we also found out that she had a very serious head injury. It looks like her attacker hit her head on some rocks quite a few times.”
“But she’ll be okay, right?” Brian asked in fear.
Dr. Greene sighed, and decided not to answer that question just yet. First he had to tell them everything that had happened to her. Well, not everything. “The attacker didn’t quite stop there. He also stabbed her six times. Some of her internal organs were heavily damaged, that was why there was so much blood.”
The guys were in shock, but Brian managed to ask again: “She’ll be okay, right? Please tell me she’ll be okay.”
“We don’t know, sir. She had a CAT-scan, and we saw some brain damage. We don’t know how bad it will be and what functions will be affected until she wakes up. Unfortunately, that may take a while. Her body was hurt that bad, that she slipped into a coma.”

“But she will wake up, right?” Howie asked. Dr. Greene said there was no way to be sure of that. After hearing that, Brian broke down. He buried his face in his hands and just cried uncontrollably. Nick held him, but Brian shook him off. His world just fell apart and even the touch of his best friend was too much right now. Nick broke into tears at that point as well. He just felt worthless. They weren’t there for Wendy when she needed them most, and now he couldn’t even be there for his best friend. A.J. stormed out of the waiting room and just ran for the door to get some fresh air. When he reached the parking lot, he just fell to his knees and cried. The tears kept coming and he didn’t feel the need to control them in any way. Back in the waiting room, all the guys were crying, except for Kevin. He wanted to be strong for everyone else, like he always was. Dr. Greene asked him to follow him to his office, across the hall.

Dr. Greene opened the door and gestured for Kevin to step in and take a seat. After both men sat down, Dr. Greene had something to tell Kevin. “There’s something else I need to tell you, but I didn’t want to break more bad news to Brian, with his heart condition, I just didn’t want to put him at risk.”
Kevin was surprised Dr. Greene knew about Brian’s condition, since the surgery was a few years ago, and for some reason he didn’t think Dr. Greene was a big fan of their music. “But how do you..”
“My daughter’s a fan.” Dr. Greene explained. “She told me Brian’s story a few times, because as me being a doctor, she wanted me to reassure her that Brian would be allright with the surgery and all.”
Kevin nodded. “But.. what do you need to tell me? Things can hardly get any worse.”
“Believe me, they can.” Dr. Greene let out a sigh and paused for a minute. “Kevin, she wasn’t only attacked, stabbed and almost killed, she was raped too.”

He couldn’t believe what he’d just heard. This was too damn much for him to handle. Tears of anger built up in his eyes as he walked out of Dr. Greene’s office. He started walking towards the waiting room too see how Brian was doing. But he realised he just couldn’t go in right now, not just yet, not like this. He leaned back against the wall with his head hanging down. How could anyone do this to her? He couldn’t believe God could be this cruel, well, he wasn’t sure anymore there was such a thing as God. And now what was he supposed to do? He couldn’t tell Brian. He already fell apart when he heard about the other stuff that had been done to her. The last thing they all needed was him ending up in hospital as well. But Kevin also knew that his cousin would instantly notice that something was bothering him.

“I just can’t tell Brian, not just yet..I must stay strong.”
“You can’t tell him what?” A.J. said as he approached Kevin.
“Jesus, A.J., you scared me the shit out of me. I didn’t even realise I was talking out loud.”
A.J. shrugged. “Sorry big guy, but what is it that you can’t tell Bri?”
“Nothing man.” A.J. rolled his eyes at the older man. “Owh come on, you know I won’t fall for that. Now tell me, what is it? I won’t tell Rok, allright. The last thing we need is for him to end up here as well.”
“I just thought of the same thing. Dr. Greene told me that she was hurt even worse. She’s been raped, Alex.” At this point even Kevin broke down. Tears were rolling down his cheeks just like they did three years ago. A.J. was shocked, both from the message that just hit him very hard, and from seeing Kevin like this. “Please, tell me this is some terrible joke that got out of hand.” “I wish it was, Alex, I wish it was.”
A.J. couldn’t cope with what he just heard. He just went numb, both body and mind and couldn’t move a muscle.

“Why are you crying, Kev?”
“Jesus, Howie, you gave us quite a scare there.” A.J. as he jumped when he heard his voice of his friend who seemed to be coming out of nowhere. “Well, Alex, now you know what I just felt like.” Kevin said while he tried to fake a smile through his tears. “How’s Brian doing, D.?”
“Not that good. He hasn’t stopped crying, but he wouldn’t let Nick or me hold him or comfort him in anyway.
I just pray this won’t affect his heart or anything. But now tell me what you guys were talking about. By the look on your faces I would say it’s like someone just got killed.”
“That’s almost the truth, D. Dr. Greene told me that Wendy was almost killed tonight. But the attacker didn’t only almost take her life. He took something else as well.” Kevin closed his eyes. Saying it once was horrible, saying it twice almost undo-able.
Howie’s eyes darted back and forth from Kevin to A.J. and back, trying to figure out what they were not telling him. “I don’t understand, Kev. What are you trying to tell me?”
Alex interrupted. “Listen D., you can’t tell Rok any of this, allright. He could hardly take the other news. He probably couldn’t handle this, I know I hardly can.”
“Alex, you’re scaring me. Kev, you’re not making any sense. What in the world happened to her?”
Kevin shook his head and let out a sigh. “She was raped, D.”
Howie’s jaw just dropped, he closed his eyes and almost stumbled, but he put one hand on the wall for support. “How.. she...what the hell...oh my God..” He then continued to whisper in Spanish, leaving the other guys in the dark to what it was he was saying. Suddenly he stopped whispering, so they all just stood there silently for about 10 minutes, when they heard Nick’s voice coming from the waiting room. “Brian, nooooooooooo!!!!!!!”

Kev almost broke the door down when he ran into the waiting room. A.J and Howie were right behind him. They just could not believe their own eyes.

~~A few moments earlier~~

“Everything will be ok, Rok. She will be just fine.”
“Don’t say that, Nick, you don’t know that.” Brian said while he was trying to stop crying. He didn’t want to cry anymore, he just wanted to see her and even though she couldn’t see him, he still wanted to be strong for her. He didn’t understand why he felt to urge to be strong, he sure as hell had no reason to be. And besides that, she always appreciated the fact that he wouldn’t hold his feelings back in front of her. But still, he was holding back the tears and that gave anger the opportunity to rise to the surface.
“I just know, Rok. She’ll wake up and tease you about.. well, being you..” Nick tried to make Brian smile with that comment, but Brian didn’t smile at all.
“And now who made you God that you know so sure, huh?” Brian yelled. “Jezus Nick, we don’t know if she will be allright, we don’t even know if she’ll make it through the night. Stop acting like you know it all. You don’t know sh*t. But what can you expect from a guy your age. You think everything will always be allright. We’ll this time you can’t be quite that sure, little Nicky. She almost died tonight. D-I-E-D. And this isn’t a freaking VIDEOGAME, where you can start all over again if you die. When she’s gone, she’s gone for good! Let that sink in for a moment, maybe it will actually reach your brain if you try hard enough. Wendy almost DIED tonight.”
Nick was shocked to hear Brian talk and scream like this. He never lost his temper like this before. And it made Nick feel as small as a 2-year-old kid. Damn, of course he knew that she almost died tonight, that she might not wake up and that she might never be the same again, but he was just trying to make his best friend feel a little better. “Frick, I..”
“Don’t Frick me. Just shut the hell up.” Brian yelled as he got up out of his seat.
Nick got out of his seat as well. “But Brian, we need to talk. I was just trying to..”
“You were just trying to make me feel better? No Nick, you were trying to reassure yourself, not me. Don’t you see, Nick, it’s always about you, you, you. Well, this time, it isn’t about you. It’s about Wendy who’s fighting for her life right now. You’re being so selfish that it’s making me sick. Just get the hell out of my sight.”
“No.” Nick simply stated.
“Maybe I should help you then.” Brian’s eyes narrowed as he picked up a chair ready to attack Nick with it.
“Brian, nooooooooooo!!!!!!!” Nick screamed while he was trying to cover his head.

~~~~

Kevin couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Brian was about to hit Nick on the head with a freaking chair. He immediately ran over to his cousin and simply took the chair out of his hands. “What in God’s name just happened in here?!” he exclaimed. Brian turned around to him and just fell into his arms, crying his heart out once again. “Nick are you ok, man?” A.J. asked him while he walked over to him. Nick nodded, still in shock about what his best friend just said and did. They all just stood there and watched Brian cry. Kevin just silently prayed this nightmare would be over soon. Unfortunately, the nightmare had just begun.

~~~~

“I’m so sorry, Nick for what I just did. I didn’t mean a word I said.” Brian softly spoke. He was sitting on the couch in the waiting room, staring at his hands. He just couldn’t look at Nick right now, not after what he just said and did. He was so ashamed of himself.
“It’s ok, Fri..Brian.” Nick replied still a bit scared, because he didn’t want to be snapped at again, but most of all, he didn’t want Brian to get that upset again. No one ever discussed it, but they were all still afraid that someday, Brian’s condition would come back.
“Are you mad at me? Not that I would blame you if you are.” Brian sighed.
“I’m not mad, Frick. You just scared the shit out of me. For such a small guy, you look pretty impressive when you’ve got a chair in your hands.” Nick chuckled. Brian just couldn’t help but smile. “Hug?”
“Sure man!”

“Nick, can I talk to you for a moment?” Kevin asked. Nick nodded as he followed him into the hallway. “What happened in there? What did you do or say to make him that angry?”
This is just great, Nick thought as he rubbed his forehead. He just tried to comfort his best friend and this is what he got in return. “I told him that everything was going to be allright. That’s all. And then he lost it. He told me that there’s no way of knowing that, that this wasn’t a videogame and that I made this all about me instead of Wendy.”
“Brian lost it, because you said everything was going to be allright?” Kevin just couldn’t believe this and frankly he didn’t quite understand what a videogame had to do with all of this. Nick shrugged, feeling Kevin wasn’t buying it. “He did, Kev. I know you don’t believe me, your face just gives you away man. But it is the truth. He just lost it. I guess this hit him even harder than..”
“I believe you, allright. It hit us all hard. I guess we do strange things at times like these.” Kevin said while shaking his head.

“But Kev, why did Dr. Greene ask you to follow him to his office?”
“You have big ears, Nick.”
“I know, man. You didn’t have to tell me that.” Nick put on a face like he was affended by Kevin’s remark.
“But don’t try to change the subject.”
“Smart too.. my my, looks like you’re finally growing up.” They both chuckled.
“Allright, Nick. There’s something I need to tell you. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing by telling you this, but I’m not quite sure of anything right now. Foremost, you need to promise me that you won’t tell Brian. We both saw what can happen when he gets upset..”
“And we don’t want him ending up in here as well. I promise, now tell me.”
“Dr. Greene didn’t tell us everything about what happened to Wendy. He didn’t want to because of Brian’s condition, so he asked me to follow him into his office.” Kevin’s thoughts went back to the awful moment that Dr. Greene told him. Nick snapped his fingers in front of Kevin’s face, trying to bring him back to reality. Kevin looked up at him, realizing his youngest friend was still waiting for an answer. He took a deep breath, and put a hand on Nick’s left shoulder as if that would prepare him for what he was about to hear.
“Nick, buddy.. Wendy, she was raped.”
“God, no.” Nick covered his face, trying to block out what he had just heard. After a moment of total silence, he looked at Kevin, his voice quivering. “We can’t tell Brian. But holding this back doesn’t seem right as well. What are we gonna do, Kev, what on earth are we gonna do?”
Kevin pulled his friend into a hug and closed his eyes. “I don’t know, Nick, I just don’t know.”

About half an hour later, Dr. Greene came back into the waiting room, where he found all of the boys praying for Wendy. He waited for them to finish and then said:”If you want to, one of you can go see her. But I should warn you before you do. At the moment she can’t breathe on her own, so we had to intubate her. And then there are all sorts of machines so we can keep an eye on her blood pressure, heart rate and other vital functions. Don’t let the machines scare you, they are all just there for her safety. She’s on the 5th floor, room 246. A nurse will take you to her. Just go to the desk when you are ready and ask for Katie. If you have any questions, you can always contact me or Dr. Lockhart. Our phonenumbers are on this card, so are visiting hours.”
The guys thanked him and Kevin put the card in his wallet. “Brian, do you want to go see her?” he asked his cousin. Brian nodded. “Just tell her we love her, allright?” A.J. softly said as he put a hand on Brian’s shoulder, who then turned his head to look at him with a sad smile on his face. “I will.” Brian replied as he got up to find nurse Katie.

“Allright, guys. I know I can’t hide the fact that Wendy was raped from Rok very long. He always seems to look right through me.”
“I know what you mean, Alex. He looks right through me as well.” Nick replied.
“We just can’t tell him right now. He’ll probably freak out again the moment he sees her. Telling him this will just be too much on his heart.”
“We know, Kev. But we do need to tell him though. I just don’t know if I can be the one breaking the news to him. I’m not as close to him as you and Nick are. I don’t want to sound like a coward, but I’m really scared of his reaction.” Howie let out a sigh. They were all thinking of a way to tell Brian, without causing him a lot of pain. At the same time, they knew there was no way of doing that.
“I’ve got an idea.”
“Call the newspapers, right now, Nick has got an idea!” A.J. chuckled, trying to break the tension.
Nick smiled. “Owh just shut up and listen. IF we tell him, we should tell him here in the hospital. Then if anything happens, he’ll at least be in the right place. ”
“And this is your idea? Call the newspapers again, tell them it was a false alarm.” A.J. interrupted.
“I wasn’t finished yet, Bone.” Nick paused.

Meanwhile

“This is her room. Don’t let the machines scare you. And if you think something’s wrong, just push the red button. One of the nurses will check on her then, allright?”
“Thank you, Katie.” Brian was hesitant about going in. He held the doorknob, but didn’t move a muscle. Come on, Bri, just walk in, it’s not as if she’s gonna bite. But then reality hit him hard, again. She can’t even smile at you, let alone bite. Tears filled his eyes, but he held them back. He finally opened the door, but held his head down, so that he wouldn’t have to see her, just yet. In his mind he saw her the way he wanted to see her. Blue eyes with a hint of grey, long blonde hair and an enchanting smile. Whenever she smiled at you, you couldn’t help smiling back.
Brian had finally reached the bed, held on to it and slowly raised his head. He was shocked by what he saw, even though Dr. Greene warned him. He hardly even recognised her as she was lying in this hospital bed. There were machines all around her. Some of them beeping, other silent, but the one that was helping her breathe made the most noise of them all. He intended to be strong, but he just couldn’t when he saw her. A huge tube came out of her mouth, an IV in her left hand, there was what he thought to be elastoplast on her nose and gauze wrapped around her head, she had a black eye and her left cheek was badly bruised. He hardly even recognised her. Somehow he managed to reach the chair and sat down. He covered his face for a moment, trying to process all of this. It was all just too much. The guys and him had a wonderful evening, teasing Nick most of the time, and then this. It all turned into a nightmare. A nightmare from which he couldn’t wake up. Then he moved the chair closer to the bed and held Wendy’s right hand in his. “Hey there sunshine. I don’t know if you can hear me, but A.J. asked me to tell you that we all love you. We’re all here. We’ll visit you so much, that you will have to wake up to finally get rid of us and our stupid jokes. You have to wake up, Wendy, you just have to. We need you down here. I need you.” Brian didn’t know what to say next, so he did the one thing he knew he could do. He closed his eyes and began to pray.

In the waiting room

“Allright, then that’s what we’ll do, Nick.”
“What’s taking Brian so long? I should go check it out, maybe something has happened to him.”
“I’m sure he’s fine, D. Besides, she is being monitored constantly, and as long as he’s with her, they are keeping an eye on him as well. Dr. Greene has informed all the nurses about his condition as well. But don’t tell him that unless you want me dead. He’d kill me if he knew I asked Dr. Greene to inform the nurses.”
The four men were so tired that they almost fell asleep while waiting for Brian, but they never actually did, afraid of Brian catching them and going into a frenzy again when he did. Twenty minutes later, the door of the waiting room opened.

“Bri, how was she?” A.J. immediately asked as his friend entered the room.
Brian shrugged as he walked over to the couch to get his jacket. “Ok, I guess.”
The others were watching his every move, waiting for him to continue, but since he didn’t, A.J. pressed him to go on.
“There’s nothing more to say, Alex. Listen you guys, I’m exhausted, I just wanna go home and try to get some rest. Will you drop me off, Nick?”
“Sure, Rok. Listen, we already called Leighanne, so she knows what’s going on. Now, let’s get you home.”
“Tnx man, I wasn’t looking forward to telling her everything myself.” Brian replied while he put on his jacket after which he and Nick walked out of the waiting room without saying another word.

“You guys go ahead, I’ll be right out.”
“What are you going to do, Kev?” Howie asked him.
“I’m going to ask if she’s still in critical condition. If so, I’ll stay here tonight. I didn’t want to ask Brian.”
The two men nodded. “Allright, we’ll wait for you outside.”
Five minutes later, Kevin joined A.J. and Howie outside. Brian and Nick had already left. “And?” Howie asked.
“Her condition is stable right now, so we can go home and get some eyeshut.
They promised to call me if there’s any change and I will call you guys then. If you don’t hear from me, there’s no news.”
A.J. and Howie nodded and they all got in Kevin’s car, desperately in need of a few hours of sleep.

--Later that night--

TRRIIIIIING...
Kevin was wide awake immediately. He reached for the phone, scared of who would be on the other end.
“Hello?” he asked with a quivering voice.
“Did I wake you?” the person on the other end asked.
Kevin let out a sigh of relief before he replied. “Brian, you scared the shit out of me.”
“Sorry man, I just wanted to know if you had heard anything from the hospital.”
“No, they didn’t call me. They only would if things got worse. So no news means good news.”
“Thank God.” Now it was Brian’s turn to let out a sigh of relief.
“Indeed.”
“I’m scared, cuz. What if she never completely recovers? Or worse, what if she never wakes up?”
“We don’t know what’s going to happen, we can only take it one day at a time.
I just hope and pray that she will one day be herself again. But I’m scared too.”
“It’s not a good thing when you’re scared. You’re usually the one who tells me not to be afraid.”
“I know, Bri. But this whole damn thing just reminds me of, you know.” The thought alone of the events of three years ago made Kevin shiver.
“I know. Is there anything I can do?”
“No, cuz.. it’s okay.” Kevin lied, thankfully he then heard Leighanne’s voice in the background.
“Honey, Brian, who are you talking to? Is it the hospital? What’s wrong?”
“No sweetheart, it’s Kev. Sorry man, I gotta go.”
“Listen, I’ll call you the moment I have news, okay? Now try to get some rest, we’ll need it.”
Kevin hang up and got back into bed. He stared at the ceiling while he relived that terrible night, three years ago.

TRRIIIIIING...
Jesus, that better be one of the guys, Kevin thought.
“Hello?”
“Kevin Richardson?”
“This is he.”
“I’m Dr. Lockhart from St. Joseph’s hospital. Are you the one I should talk to about Ms. Hamilton?”
“Yes, I am. What’s wrong?” Kevin’s voice quivered with fear.
“She went into epileptic shock about an hour ago. Mr. Richardson? Mr. Richardson, are you there?”
Kevin didn’t hear her anymore, he was already on his way out.

~~~~

“I..need to speak to Dr. Lockhart.... right now.... It’s about Ms. Hamilton.” Kevin was trying to catch his breath while he was leaning on the desk.
“This is she. I already guessed you were on your way over here when you didn’t respond on the phone.”
“I’m sorry, I just had to get over here.”
“It’s okay. But you should’t have come all the way out here. What I was trying to tell you, is that we got her stabilized with some medicine. I just wanted to let you know, because tomorrow’s my day off and since Dr. Greene isn’t here tonight, I wanted to give you the information myself instead of you hearing it from someone else in the morning. I’m sorry I had you racing over her just for this.”
“It’s okay. Can I see her?”
“Sure, just go up to the 5th floor and ask for nurse Debra. She will take you to her. I’m really sorry for the confusion I caused.”
“It’s allright, Dr. Lockhart. Have a nice day tomorrow.”

~~~~

Wow, he sure is hot, Debra thought when she looked up from the administration to see him standing there.
“Excuse me, nurse Debra, can you take me to Ms. Hamilton? Dr. Lockhart gave me permission to see her.”
And his voice was sexy too. It even made her blush. She just prayed he wouldn’t notice. “Ofcourse I will. And please call me Debra. I’ll be one of the nurses who will be taking care of Ms. Hamilton while she’s here.” she said while she took him to room 246. “If you need anything, just press the red button and I’ll be right here.”
“Thank you.”
“That’s okay. I get paid to take care of people, you know.” She said with a smile. “I’ll get back to my desk now.” She turned around. I wonder if he’s single. And if he is, I can surely change that. And if he’s not, I can change that too. I’ll ask one of the young trainees about his status tomorrow. At least she already knew he was one of the Backstreet Boys. The rumor that someone they were close to was in the hospital spread around as fast as fire, but that and his name, Kevin, was all she knew.

Kevin experienced the same kind of shock Brian felt when he first saw her. He even almost acted the same as his cousin did earlier that day. He sat next to her and held her hand, but he didn’t pray. Looking back at what had happened to him in the years before, he did no longer believe there was a God. Yes, he did pray with the rest of the guys earlier that day. But that was because he couldn’t tell him that he had lost his trust. Especially Brian wouldn’t understand and pretending to pray was much easier than explaining his disbelief. He quietly sat there for about an hour, wondering if she would be okay. The lack of sleep finally got to him. He doze off, with his head lying on the bed, and his hand still holding hers.

~~The next morning~~

“Kev, wake up man..” Nick whispered. “Kev!” he continued a bit louder.
“Huh.. what..why..” Kevin responded while he opened one eye to see who was there.
“What are you doing here, big guy?”
“I...” Kevin yawned. “I got a call from the hospital last night so I rushed over,” he said.
“You told me you’d call us if there were any changes!” A.J. started to get angry with him.
“I know. Let me explain.” Kevin yawned once more. “She went into epileptic shock, and when I heard Dr. Lockhart say that, I was already on my way out. So she couldn’t tell me that they had already managed to stabilize her. So when I got her, everything was fine, well, as far as that’s possible. So I decided to call you in the morning, but as you can see, I fell asleep.”
“You were snoring, man.” Nick grinned.
“Like you don’t.. Last time I had the hotelroom next to yours, I couldn’t sleep because of YOUR snoring, little Nicky.” Kevin quickly replied.
Nick put on a face as if he was affended by this and he hit Kev on the head.
“Ouch! Where’s Brian and Howie? Has anyone talked to them yet?”
“Howie told me he would pick him up, and they would be here around eleven.”
“We have to tell him today, Kev. I can no longer keep this a secret. Yesterday he already asked questions while I was taking him home about what I was hiding from him. I was just about to tell him when we finally got there.”
“I know Nick, I almost blabbed it out when he called me last night. Damn, and he doesn’t know about the epileptic shock yet. Let’s be careful when we tell him about both.” Kevin let out a sigh. “And now I’m going to find a doctor to tell us how Wendy’s doing. Let’s hope this will be a good day.”

“Where are you, Wendy?” Phoebe softly whispered. She hasn’t called, she didn’t show up for lunch and she doesn’t answer her phone. She was getting scared about now. She tried her cell phone again, but she got the voicemail again. “This is Wendy’s voicemail. Either I’m at work, shopping, sleeping or forgot to turn on the volume on this thing. You know what to do, and if the message is interesting enough I’ll get back to you..” Damn, now what am I gonna do. Wendy didn’t have any relatives she could contact, and her best friend Suzie lived in Australia. She decided not to call her, because she would just get upset and couldn’t do anything else. She could call the boys, but.. not just yet, maybe they’d think that she was too overprotective...She would try the cellphone again. “This is Wendy’s...”

~~Meanwhile~~

Brian was just staring out of the window. “Why didn’t Leighanne join us, Rok? Was it because of Baylee?”
Brian nodded; “He has a cold and she’d rather take care of him herself then, so that the babysitter won’t catch it and because she is his mom and all. D., what if she doesn’t wake up?”
Howie pretended that he got the question wrong. “Well, the doc said it could take a while.”
“I mean, if she never wakes up.”
“I don’t know, Rok, I don’t know. Let’s just take it a day at a time and see how she’s doing today,” he replied as he parked the car. Brian got out of the car and just froze. “Earth to Frick, do you hear me?!”
“D., did anyone call Phoebe?”
“Sh*t, I don’t think so. I’ll do that, allright, you just go in see how she’s doing,” he said while he took his cell out of his pocket.

“Phoebe, is that you?”
“It’s me allright. And who is on the..” then it hit her. “Howie! You called at just the right time. Look, Wendy didn’t show up our weekly lunchdate today and I’m getting kind of worried about now.”
“I know why she didn’t show up, Phoebe. I really hate to tell you this over the phone, but she’s in the hospital.”
Phoebe gasped. “What’s wrong? What happened? What hospital?”
“Listen, do you have plans for the rest of the day? I’ll take you to her than and fill you in on the way over here.”
“Not anymore, I don’t. I’ll wait outside.”
“Wait! I won’t be there for about 20 minutes, so just come down around 11.30 allright?”
“See you then, but please hurry.”
“I will.” Howie went into the hospital to tell the other guys that he was going to get Phoebe.

~~At the information desk~~

Kevin just asked Katie if he could have a word with Dr. Greene, so he was waiting for him at the information desk. “I saw you sleeping in there last night. I didn’t want to wake you, I hope I did the right thing.”
“You did, I didn’t have to be anywhere or something.”
“Good, but ehm.. next time, could you try not to snore so much?” she giggled.
“Owh great, it’s Pick-on-Kevin-because-of-his-snoring-day!” Kevin replied while he put his hands in the air.
“What kind of day is it?” Dr. Greene asked with a puzzled look on his face as he walked up to him. “Erm, Saturday?” Kevin tried to figure a way out of this without him having to mention the snoring. “I guess it is.” Dr. Greene replied, but he still didn’t quite understand what just happened out there. “Follow me into my office, Kevin.”

“Please sit down. I read her chart and I saw that she went into epileptic shock last night. But the team managed to quickly stabilize her. I guess you want to know how she’s doing right now. Well, nothing changed since she was stabilized. The stabwounds are starting to heal, which ofcourse is a good thing. But other than that, no changes. I’m sorry, Kevin, but she shows no signs of waking up anytime soon. But on the bright side, if you could call it that, it gives her body the opportunity to heal without having to use energy on other things, like moving her muscles.
And then there’s something else I need to tell you. We had to call the police. I figured you didn’t do that yet, probably because of the shock you all were in. But we have to report any beatings and stabbings like these to the police. I told them that she was in a coma, but they will need a statement from you guys, since you found her. This brings me to something I wanted to discuss with you. Did you tell Brian about the rape yet?”
Kevin shook his head. “We also haven’t told him about the epileptic shock yet. He should arrive any moment now.”
“Good. But you will have to tell him this morning, because the police will probably mention it when they get here in the afternoon. I didn’t mention his condition to them, cause I figured that you didn’t want all the world to know. Have you thought about how you are going to tell him?”
Kevin explained their plan.
“That sounds like a good plan. Listen, I don’t want to intrude or anything, but maybe it would be a good idea to have me there when you tell him. If he needs medical attention, I can immediately give that to him.”
“We’d really appreciate it, Dr. Greene. That was the other reason why I wanted to talk to you, we were planning on asking you this.”
“Then that’s settled. Now tell me, what day did you say it was.. something about snoring?”
Owh great, this just won’t stop, will it, Kevin thought while he chuckled.

~~~~

She was freezing outside. Yesterday the weather was great and now it felt like someone up in heaven decided to make it storm, just for fun. She looked at her watch again. Hurry, Howie. Just hurry. Thirty seconds later, she looked at her watch again. When she looked up again, she saw Howie’s blue car and jumped in. “Hi Howie, now tell me what happened.” Howie began her to tell the story. He just finished when he parked the car for the second time that day. “Owh my God, Howie, I’m scared.”
”We are all, Pheebs. But don’t tell Brian about the rape, allright. The guys and me will do that later today.” Howie replied as he tried to give her a hug inside the car. “I won’t, I just wanna see her,” she replied as she jumped out of the car. “Wait for me! You don’t even know what room she’s in.” Phoebe looked back and decided to wait for Howie. He put his arm around her and looked at her. She’s nervous, and quite frankly, so am I, he quietly thought to himself.

After Brian, Howie and Phoebe got in to see Wendy, Nick told the other guys he would go out for a little walk. A.J. went along with him. “I don’t like the fact that Leighanne doesn’t know yet, Alex. What if something happens when we tell Rok?”
“I don’t know Nick, but we can’t tell her over the phone. Let’s just pray that Brian won’t get hurt, physically I mean. There’s nothing else we can do right now. If we told her before we told him, he would instantly know something was wrong and get it out of her. If something would happen then, the doctors might not be in time, so this is for the best. I hope.”

~~Back at the hospital~~

“Cuz, what’s wrong?”
“Nothing Bri, I’m just tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Neither did I. Just look at her. It’s like I don’t even know the person in that bed. All the machines, and the bruises,” he began to feel the tears coming once again. Kevin saw it too and hoped that his cousin could take the other news. “Come here, Rok,” he said with open arms and Brian just cried his heart out, again. Then, he collapsed. Kevin could hardly keep him from falling on the ground. He noticed that there was no-one else in the room except for him, Bri, and Wendy. Kevin scooped up his cousin and placed him onto the empty bed next to Wendy’s, then he hit the red button. “Don’t do this to me man, not again,” he gasped.

Kevin was told to go out of the room while Dr. Kent, a heart specialist, was taking care of Brian. He sat down at one of the chairs in the hallway and cried uncontrollably with his face in his hands, his arms resting on his knees. What if Brian’s condition had returned? What if he had to undergo surgery again? Would this nightmare ever end? What everyone was scared of, had happened. His cousin ended up here as well.
Nick and A.J. saw him sitting there as they were on their way to see Wendy again. They glanced at each other and hurried over to him. Nick sat down next to him, rubbing his back and A.J. sat down in front of him.

“Kevin, what’s wrong?”
Kevin wasn’t able to talk, he had a huge lump in his throat.
“You need to talk to me, big guy. Is it Wendy?”
Kevin shook his head, trying to regain his strength.
“Just the stress?”
Kevin shook his head again, while trying to get rid of the lump in his throat.
“Kevin, you’re scaring me. Is it Rok? Open up to me, Kev.”
Kevin nodded. “It’s Brian. He was telling me that he hardly recognized Wendy, because of all the machines and her bruises. I held him while he cried and then he suddenly collapsed. I don’t know what’s wrong. Dr. Kent is examining him right now. He’s a heart specialist. They told me to go out here.” Kevin sighed.
They all waited in silence to hear from Dr. Kent, everyone in his own world with his own thoughts. Howie and Phoebe joined them and Nick filled them in on the news about Brian. After that, no one spoke until Dr. Kent came out of Wendy’s room.

“Is any of you related to Brian?” he asked.
“I am, but it’s okay, you can tell us all about his condition. The others are family as well, just not by blood.”
“We aren’t quite sure what’s wrong with Brian, but it definitely isn’t his heart. Its beating is constant and strong, with no signs of his condition returning. We’ll run some tests to find out what it was, but as I said earlier, it isn’t his heart. The nurses will take him to another floor now to run some tests. If we have any news, me or Dr. Greene will come and find you and talk to you.”
The guys were a bit relieved when they heard that it wasn’t his heart, but still, what did cause him to collapse?

Nick got himself and the others something to eat while they were waiting for Dr. Kent or Dr. Greene to tell them what was wrong with Brian. No one felt like eating, but they all managed to eat something. When finished, they went back to Wendy’s room and prayed together, now for both Wendy and Brian’s health. Well, Kevin pretended to pray. In his mind, he was just drifting off. Dr. Greene entered the room shortly after, and asked all of them to follow him to the family room, so they could all sit down and the nurses could check on Wendy.

“This may sound like a ridiculous question, but when was the last time Brian ate?” he asked.
“I’m not sure. Do any of you guys know if he had breakfast this morning?” Kevin asked as he looked at the other three.
“He didn’t, he told me this morning while we were driving over here.”
“Then I guess it was around ten o’clock last night, about an hour before Wendy called him.”
“That’s strange then,” Dr. Greene replied. “We found his blood sugar was very low, so we figured that he hadn’t eaten anything since at least yesterday afternoon. The combination of that, stress and lack of sleep, can cause people to collapse.”
“Well, he didn’t get much sleep last night, that he’s told me right before he fainted.” Kevin said.
“Dr. Greene, right after we found Wendy, Brian got sick and threw up. You guys were already on your way to Kevin’s car. That’s why we weren’t right behind you.” Nick answered.
“Well, there’s our explanation. So in fact, his blood sugar was low, because of lack of food to keep it’s level normal. Then there’s nothing to be worried about. The amount of stress, lack of food and sleep caused him to faint. That often happens when people get into these kind of situations. We did give him something to help him sleep, because of the exhaustion. When he wakes up, he’ll be fine, physically.” Dr. Greene got up, but stopped at the door. “For now, we put him in Wendy’s room. That way we can keep a close eye on him, and you don’t have to go back and forth between the two of them.”
The guys had huge smiles on their faces, so relieved that it wasn’t anything major. They hugged each other and started to make little jokes again.

“Are you Mr. Richardson, Littrell, Dorough and Carter?”
They turned around to see who was there. “I’m Kevin Richardson, this is Nick Carter, Howard Dorough and Alex Mclean. Brian Littrell has just been admitted in this hospital as well.”
“I’m sorry to hear that. I’m Jack Thomassen and this is my partner, Josh Stanson. We’re here to take your statements about what happened to Ms. Hamilton last night. Mr. Carter, would you please go with detective Stanson and Mr. Dorough, would you please come with me?”
After they took all of their statements, detective Thomassen said:”We will need Mr. Littrell’s statement as well.”
“You can’t, not at this moment,” Dr. Greene stated as he walked into the family room. “He just collapsed this morning and he needs his rest. We’ll call you when he’s able to give his statement.”
“But..”
“We will call you, detective Thomassen.”

Thomassen and Stanson turned around to get back to the station. Howie was behind them while they were walking to the car, he himself was on his way to see Phoebe, who decided to go outside for a moment and get some fresh air. He couldn’t help but overhearing their conversation.

“I can’t believe people are still this stupid nowadays.” Thomassen stated.
“I know what you mean. Going into the park by yourself at that hour is just like asking for trouble.” Stanson replied with a sigh.
“She probably was asking for it anyways, looking way too sexy or something.”
Howie was about to explode at that moment, he just couldn’t believe what he had just heard.
“And because of that, we’ll be working overtime again. Stupid little b*tch.” Thomassen cursed.

“Don’t you ever dare talking about her like that again!!” Howie exclaimed.
Thomassen and Stanson turned around and all of the blood drained from their faces. “We didn’t..”
“Just get the hell out of my sight! Get OUT of this hospital and prepare yourself. I won’t leave it at this.”
Howie’s body was shaking as he turned around and went back to the family room, still stunned with what he had heard.

After Howie told the other guys what he had just heard, he called the police station and he filed a complaint about the the detectives. He was told that there had been more calls about their behavior and they would no longer handle Wendy’s case. Nick was still angry about what they said about Wendy and if looks could kill, Kevin, A.J. and Howie would no longer be standing on this earth. “I really need to wake up from this nightmare. I don’t think I can take much more. First Wendy gets hurt, then Brian collapses and now these two bastards.”
“Well, we won’t be hearing much from those two. Another detective, McGraw, will take over her case. She will come and talk to us tomorrow. She will need our statements again, but I’m more than happy to give them to her instead of ever having to see Thomassen and Stanson again.” Howie replied.

Dr. Greene interrupted the conversation. “Brian just woke up and he’s asking for you. All four of you to be precise. He’s doing fine, still a bit drowsy from the sedative though. Just let him wake up some more and then you can tell him about the epileptic shock and the rape. His health is not in any immediate danger. We checked his heart and it’s just fine. And if you do think something’s wrong, we’ll be right around the corner.” With those words, Dr. Greene left the family room. The guys sighed and looked at each other. They knew they had to do this, but none of them liked it one bit.

~~~~

“Hey Rok, how are you feeling?”
“I’m fine, Nick. I will have to stay in this bed for the rest of the day though.” Brian yawned. “Dr. Greene told me what happened. I’m sorry I scared you like that, cuz. I just didn’t feel like eating and didn’t know this could actually happen.”
“I know, Brian. We had to force ourselves to eat as well this morning. But don’t worry about it. We’re all just extremely happy and relieved that you’re fine.” Kevin hugged his cousin. “Kev, I still need to breathe..” Brian chuckled. That made the other guys burst into laughter as well.
“Is there any news on Wendy, Alex?” That caused an immediate and awkward silence.
“Uhm..”
“Well? Nick?”
“Uhm..”
“Howie? Tell me, you guys.” Brian’s voice was now filled with worry and fear.
Kevin sat down next to Brian, with his face in his hands, lost for words. Brian asked them to tell him a few more times, and then just waited for someone to open up to him. By the looks on their faces, it was very difficult for them to tell him what he was about to hear, and that scared him, big time. Kevin finally found the strength to look his cousin in the eyes and tell him what they had been hiding from him.
“Brian, Wendy went into epileptic shock last night. Dr. Lockhart called to tell me just minutes after you called me. I rushed over here right away, but thankfully they already managed to stabilize her.”
“Why on earth didn’t you call me?” Brian snapped.
“He didn’t call any of us, Rok. Kevin fell asleep with his head resting on her bed. We found him like that this morning. We were planning on telling you when you got here, but before we could, you fainted.” A.J. decided not to tell Brian that they didn’t tell him rightaway because they were scared of how his body would react. Besides, this wasn’t a very big lie, now was it?
“Are you sure she’s okay right now? Don’t hide things from me to protect me, Dr. Greene told me that my heart is perfectly fine.”
“I’m sure, Brian. I talked to Dr. Greene this morning. But me and Dr. Greene did hide one thing from you.”
“You and Dr. Greene?! What? And why?!”
“Dr. Greene didn’t want to tell you, because he wasn’t sure you could handle it at that perticular moment. He didn’t think it was the right time to tell you. And I agreed with him. I’m so sorry Brian, but Wendy was raped last night.” Kevin’s eyes filled up with tears. “Please don’t be mad that we chose to hide it from you, it seemed like the right thing at the time.”
Brian didn’t respond. “Wendy was raped last night. Raped last night.. raped.. raped..” It just kept repeating in his mind. He started to feel dizzy, so he put his head back on the pillow, just staring at the ceiling. Raped last night.. A tear ran down his cheek and onto the pillow, leaving a path for the tears to come. Nick put his hand on Brian’s shoulder, but he didn’t react. He turned his head to the right, looking at Wendy. He wished she was closer to him, so he could hold her hand. But for now, he was right beside her, in his mind he held her close, lost for words as well.

Part two - Almost four months later

Four months had passed since that terrible night. Suzie flew over, but could only stay for three months, then she had to return home. She was trying to get back as soon as possible, which meant that she would be back in the beginning of next week. They all visited as much as they possibly could, which meant they were there most of the days. They had asked Dr. Greene if he thought Wendy could hear them, but he had no answer to that question. Some research said that people can remember things from the time they were in a coma, other research showed no evidence of that. Still they continued to talk to her. Brian told her about how fast Baylee was growing up, and they all talked about memories they had of times they spent together. But other times, they just sat there looking at her, one of them holding her hand. The bruises had healed, so had the stabwounds. If it wasn’t for the machines, you’d think she was asleep.

Brian decided to take a walk on Nick’s private beach, right after dinner. His thoughts were on the conversation they had with Dr. Greene earlier that day.

“I’m really sorry to tell you this, but I think the time has come that we have to accept that Wendy might not ever wake-up. Four months is a long time to be in a coma. I know you’ve probably heard about the people that woke up after years and years of being in a coma. Yes, that does happen, but realisticly, the chance that she will wake up is very, very small. I know you don’t want to hear this, but I have to tell you this. There is a fairly good chance that she will never wake up.”

The guys just sat there in silence. Dr. Greene had just confirmed what they had thought about themselves. Well, four of them. Brian never gave up on her and he said to himself that he just knew that she would wake up. Even though he told Nick that he couldn’t know, by this time he himself felt it. He didn’t mention this to the other four though. He only told Leighanne how he felt and she stood by him, even though she wasn’t as sure as Brian about Wendy waking up.

~~At the hospital~~

Things weren’t going like they were supposed to. Yes, he practically lived in room 246, but he had only eyes for her. Nothing love-like though, they weren’t in a relationship when this happened. She asked one of the trainees, and she told her that Kevin was as single as could be. But still, he hardly ever noticed her. Sure, he was polite, but he never asked her out or anything. You’d think that after four months, he’d get bored once and a while and would come and talk to me about something else than Wendy. Unfortunately, he never did. Most of the time he was talking to her, or with one of his friends that also seemed to almost live in this place. She was getting desperate, and her patience was diminishing.

~~A week and a half later~~

Brian thought he was going crazy. He had been sitting next to Wendy, holding her hand and telling her about Baylee eating breakfast, and spilling most of it on the floor and his dad’s shirt, when he suddenly felt her weakly squeeze his hand.
“Kev, she squeezed my hand! Owh my god, she squeezed my hand. Get Dr. Greene!! Wendy, Wendy, can you hear me?”
Kevin looked up, not as excited as you’d think he would be. “Cuz, it’s just your mind playing tricks on you. We all thought she squeezed our hand or moved her head at one point.”
“But Kev, I’m sure this time. Really!!!”
“Let’s wait for a moment or so, so that Dr. Greene doesn’t come here for nothing.”
Brian felt frustrated that his cousin didn’t believe him. But he couldn’t blame him. This wasn’t the first time he thought she moved. He just kept staring at her, to see if she’d show any signs of waking up. Then she squeezed his hand again.
“Kevin, go and get Dr. Greene in here now. I just felt it again.” Brian gasped with suprise and excitement.
“Allright, but don’t get your hopes up too much. I don’t want you to get hurt.” Kevin said while he was walking to the door to get Dr. Greene to take a look at Wendy. What if his cousin was right? Would things finally return to normal after all this time?

Kevin was in no hurry to find Dr. Greene, Brian was probably imaging things again, like they all had at one point in time. The last four months had been awful. Yes, her wounds were healing, but being in the hospital most of the time made the guys weary and they had even started to lose hope. The conversation that Dr. Greene had with them the other day was only making things worse. They all knew that the chances of her waking up were slim, but him saying it somehow made it real. Phoebe now only visited on Saturday or Sunday, because of her work. She had to do all of Wendy’s work now too, because her boss didn’t want to hire anyone new for the time being. Leighanne came as much as she could, but she had Baylee of course to take care of as well, even though Brian helped her as much as possible, it was hard for her to come and visit. The guys tried everything in their power to bring Wendy back into this world. They had read that playing the person’s favorite music would work, so they did that. They heard that talking to the person would speed up the process, which obviously didn’t work either. They even sang to her, but none of it worked.
Nick told him that he could hardly remember her voice and laughter, which made him feel guilty. Kevin told him that that wasn’t that strange, four months is a long time. He himself found it hard to remember her soft voice and the color of her eyes. They had tried talking about what should happen next, but they all ended up crying, so nothing was decided yet.

Kevin knocked on Dr. Greene’s office door after which he heard him say: “Come in.”
“Dr. Greene, Brian thought he felt Wendy squeeze his hand. He wanted me to get you, but if you ask me, his mind is playing tricks on him again.”
“Well, I’ll have a look, just to be sure.” Dr. Greene replied as he got up.

~~Meanwhile in room 246~~

“Wendy, I know I felt it right this time. Just wake up baby.. Squeeze my hand again..” Owh God, let it be true this time. Please, don’t let this be my imagination again. Then, he felt her squeezing his hand for the third time. “You can do it, Wendy. Open your eyes for me.” Brian said while tears of joy were filling his eyes.

Owh my head.. Need to... open my eyes..

Wendy tried to open her eyes and managed to do so, but it was so hard that se almost immediately closed them again. “Come on, baby, open your eyes for me..” she heard someone say.

Why is this so hard.. And why is someone telling me to open my eyes.. I just want to get some sleep..

“No, don’t slip away again. Stay with me, baby. Come on, look at me.” Brian began to panic because it seemed like he was losing her to unconsciousness again, but he felt huge relief when she opened her eyes.

Everything is so blurry. What’s wrong with me..

Dr. Greene and Kevin entered the room and saw Brian all excited while he was talking to her.
“Kev, she’s awake! She opened her eyes for me and squeezed my hand again. She’s awake cuz!!”
Kevin walked up to the bed and saw that she was trying to open her eyes again. He just couldn’t believe what he was seeing and felt like he was going to explode with happiness. This was what they had been waiting for.
Even Dr. Greene was stunned for a second. But he quickly recovered and walked right up to her.

“Wendy, you’re in the hospital right now. My name is Dr. Greene and I..”
But then something went wrong. Her breathing suddenly got heavier and increased, so did her heart rate. She coughed because of the tube and just completely panicked. Brian held onto her hand and tried to soothe her.
“Wendy, it’s allright. Calm down, you’re in the hospital and everything is going to be fine. Just breathe.”
But things only got worse. Dr. Greene hit the red button and told Brian and Kevin to wait out in the hallway. At first Brian refused to leave her, now that she was finally awake.But Dr. Greene told him that it was best for Wendy if he left the room for a moment.

After they had left, Wendy slowly calmed down a bit.
“Wendy, I’m Dr. Greene. You need some help with breathing, so that’s why we intubated you and you can’t talk at the moment. Do you understand me? If you do, squeeze my hand once.”
Wendy squeezed his hand.
“Allright, I have to ask you some questions. If the answer is yes, squeeze my hand once, if the answer is no, squeeze it twice. If you don’t know the answer, squeeze it three times. Do you understand me?”
Wendy squeezed his hand once.
“Do you know why you’re here?”
She squeezed his hand twice.

~~Meanwhile in the hallway~~

The two cousins sat down in two chairs that were nearby her room.
“I hope she’s doing okay.” Brian softly said.
“I’m sure she is Brian. It’s probably the shock of being in the hospital or something. I still can’t believe that she’s with us again.”
“I know, at first I thought I was crazy and that nothing happened, and now she’s awake! I just hope that she’ll be fine and her old self again. Owh men, I’m just so happy I could dance! Well, I just might do it..”
Kevin bursted into laughter as he saw Brian do a little happy dance right there in the hallway. “I’ll be outside for a moment, allright? I’ll call everyone to tell them the news.”

“Wait a minute, Kevin.Before you do that, I need to talk to you for a moment.” Dr. Greene said as he came out of her room. “I’m sorry fellows, there’s something I need to tell you.”
“Please don’t tell me that we lost her again.” Brian’s voice quivered with fear.
“No, she’s awake. But she doesn’t remember anything.”
“Well, that’s quite a good thing for now, isn’t it? She doesn’t need to remember the night of the attack.”
Kevin nodded his head, agreeing to what his cousin had just said.
“Brian, Kevin, she doesn’t remember anything. She doesn’t know what happened, who you are and she doesn’t even know her own name or anything about herself. She suffers from total memory loss. I’m sorry.”
Kevin and Brian looked at each other, not knowing how to respond to this terrible message. Would this nightmare ever end?!

“So what do we do now, Dr. Greene?” A.J. asked while nervously playing with his carkeys.

Kevin called the other guys, Leighanne, Phoebe and Suzie and they all came to the hospital to talk to Dr. Greene about what was best for Wendy now and what they should and should not do. Leighanne was sitting next to her husband, holding his hand, trying to be there for him as best as she could. She knew how special Wendy was to him, and they themselves became close friends as well. Brian looked at his wife and smiled at her, whispering that he was grateful for the fact that she accepted Wendy in their lives. Leighanne smiled back and she softly said:”I know. She’s my friend too.” They gave each other a little kiss and then looked at Dr. Greene again.
“Well, this can be very difficult. Both for you and for her. You know everything about her, she doesn’t even know her own name. There are a lot of things that can happen. It’s possible that she doesn’t want to see you, out of fear or just because she wants to be left alone. Then there’s the possibility that she wants to know everything you know about her, and she’ll bombard you with questions.”

“Now that’s no problem.” Howie replied. “I’ll be happy to answer all of her questions and I’m quite sure that goes for all of us.” The others agreed.

“I already expected to hear that.” Dr. Greene replied with a smile. “But I have to warn you though. There’s no way of telling if her memory will ever come back. It’s very important that if you decide to help her, that you’ll be there for her for as long as this situation lasts. She may get frustrated or even angry with you, for no particular reason. And most important of all, if she asks you how she ended up here, just say she was in an accident. You cannot, I repeat, cannot tell her about the attack and rape. Saying that right now, could cause her a lot of damage, because she is still very weak and she could end up in shock. And if she keeps asking, just tell her that you don’t know what happened precisely. When she has recovered, you may tell her if she doesn’t remember then herself. Do you understand?”

Everyone nodded.

“Okay, for now you have to communicate with her by letting her squeeze your hand. Once for yes, twice for no and three times if she doesn’t know the answer of doesn’t understand what you’re telling her. When she’s strong enough to breathe on her own, we will remove the tube. I asked her if she would mind seeing any of you. Her answer was no. I can’t let all of you go in at the same time though, she’s too weak to handle all of that at once. So I think it’s best if Brian and Kevin go in right now because she has already seen you and is wondering who you are exactly, and the rest of you can say hello by the door and really come and see her tomorrow.”

And so they did. Suzie waved at Wendy first, with tears in her eyes because she knew her best friend had no clue who she was. Howie was next, he put an arm around Suzie as they walked away. A.J. and Nick were next to walk by room 246 waving at Wendy, trying to look happy, but A.J. failed miserably. Sunshine, please come back to us.. Phoebe and Leighanne walked by last and before they left the hospital, Leighanne hugged Brian and told him that he could stay as long as he felt he was needed there.
“I love you..” she whispered. “I love me too..” Brian replied with a straight face. Leighanne smiled and hit him on the head. “Ouch!” Brian snickered. “I love you too, honey. Kiss Baylee for me, okay?” “I will..”

Dr. Greene went in room 246 first, telling Wendy that there were two visitors for her, and asked her if she was sure about seeing them. She squeezed his hand once. Dr. Greene turned around and asked Brian and Kevin to come in.

Brian walked up to her left and Kevin walked up to her right. “Hi there, I’m Brian and the tall one over there is my cousin Kevin.” he said. “Hi there..” Kevin softly said while looking at her. Wendy raised her hand a bit and tried to wave at Brian. “I think she already likes me more, cuz..” Brian snickered.
Kevin laughed. “Don’t listen to him, Wendy, he’s just so full of himself.” Wendy tried to smile, which was hard with that tube down her throat. “Do you want to know who we are?” Brian asked while taking her hand into his. She squeezed his hand once. Brian and Kevin both sat down and told her a bit about themselves, leaving the Backstreetthing out, cause she probably wouldn’t believe it anyways. And that for the girl who actually encouraged them to do something with their talent. But after only five minutes, she fell asleep.
“Well Brian, guess your storytelling sucks big time.. Poor Baylee!” Kevin softly said while trying not to laugh out loud. Brian just looked at his cousin and snickered. The day had finally come that they were able to fool around a bit. But they had no idea of what was yet to come..

Brian decided he should go home and get some rest and spent some time with his family too. Dr. Lockhart told him that she was stable and just needed her rest and that there was no need to worry. Kevin told his cousin that he would stay there for the night if that was okay with the staff. Fortunately they told him that it was okay. At first he sat next to her, just looking at her and thinking about the future. Would she regain her memory, would her personality change, what if it did? He would stay with her as long as she wanted and needed him to, after all, he made a promise and intended to keep it. But after an hour or so, he doze off, all curled up in one of the chairs.

Where am I? I can hardly see anything.. It’s so dark in here. I’m scared. It feels like I’m being pulled down into nothingness. I need to fight this. Above her she saw that Brian guy, reaching out to her.. But she couldn’t grab his hand and fell deeper. Around her she heard voices calling her. She recognized Kevin’s voice, saying that things would be okay. But suddenly a loud growl came from behind her. She turned around and saw the most horrible beast that ever existed. It had the eyes of the devil, all red and filled with hatred. His fur was black and his claws looked like they belonged to a tiger, and he was twice as tall as she was. He was coming for her, so she tried to run as fast as she could, but her legs were weak and she almost immediately fell. She screamed in fear..

“Wendy, wake up!! You’re just having a bad dream.” Kevin was trying to wake her up by squeezing her hand. Her eyes opened and he saw fear written all over her face. “Sshh.. it’s allright now. I’m here, okay?” She nodded her hand, but hold on to Kevin’s hand, because she didn’t want him to go. “I’ll be right here, okay? I won’t go anywhere, I promise.” Kevin said as he sat down. “Just try to rest some more. With all of the guys coming tomorrow, you’ll need it.” he winked at her. She managed to smile somehow, feeling a bit relieved that she wasn’t alone. After a few minutes she fell asleep again, still holding Kevin’s hand with all her strength.

~~The next morning~~

“Good morning you two.” Brian smiled when he walked in Wendy’s room. “Okay, cuz, get out of that chair and let me talk to her for a minute. So, how was your night, did you get some sleep?” Wendy squeezed his hand once. “Okay, and now be honest with me, did he snore?” Brian snickered. Wendy squeezed his hand one time again and smiled. Kevin blushed. “I’ll just go and get some coffee.” He quickly removed himself from the room. Brian talked to her some more and then asked her if she was ready to meet the other guys, Phoebe, Suzie and Leighanne. She nodded, but then she let go of Brian’s hand. She tried to tell him something with her hands, but at first he didn’t understand. Then all of a sudden it hit him. “Do you want a piece of paper and a pen or something?” he asked. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it once. “I’ll see what I can do! I’ll be right back!”

Wendy stared at the ceiling. Was she really ready for this? Being here was already confusing, let alone meeting a lot of people that she didn’t know. All she really wanted to know was who she herself was, but Dr. Greene had told her that she should just give it some time. And after all, there wasn’t really anything else that she could do.

~~Down the hallway~~

“Good morning, Kevin. I heard Ms. Hamilton woke up yesterday. Now that’s great news!”
“Thanks, Debra. I just hope she will be her old self again someday.”
“I’m sure she will be. I heard she has amnesia at the moment. But with your help, I think it will all come back to her, I’ve seen that happen dozens of times. Listen, if you want to stay here when visiting hours are over, we can arrange that. All of you have been through enough these last months, so we’ll just let you guys stay with here as much as you want to.” And besides, that way I will spend a lot of time with you as well, she quietly thought to herself.
“Thanks, Debra. That’s very nice of all of you. I’ll tell the other guys.” Kevin sipped from his coffee and decided to go back in to prevent Brian from making even more fun of him.

It will just take some time, and than Kevin Richardson will be mine.. All mine.. Debra smiled and walked over to take care of a patient in room 254.

~~In Wendy’s room~~

“Okay, Wendy, are you ready?” Brian asked her while he was standing over by the door. She nodded, even though she was scared stiff, so he called Nick in. “Hi Wendy, i’m Nick.” He walked over to her and sat down next to her. She waved at him, then grabbed paper and pencil and gave it to him. He looked to see what it was and saw that Brian had already made what looked like the beginning of some sort of a family tree, with his own name written on the left. Wendy’s name was on top and Brian had drawn a line from her name to his and had written “Best friend” under his name.
“Do you want me to only write down what connection you and I have?” Wendy shook her head.
Nick looked down, wrote down his name, drew a line that connected their names and wrote “Close friend” under his name. After that, he connected his name with Brian’s and wrote down “Best friend”.
After that, Brian warned her, “The next one to come in is a bit of a freak, but he only barks, never bites, okay?”
Wendy smiled and Nick snickered. “Thanks man for the introduction!” A.J. laughed as he walked in. “Hey sunshine, it’s good to see you smile again! I’m Alex!” She waved at him and Nick gave him the piece of paper.
Twenty minutes later, Howie, Phoebe, Suzie, Leighanne and Baylee had seen her and all wrote down their names in the family tree. It was almost impossible to see who was connected with whom and for what reason, but Wendy liked it and besides, it was still hard for her to remember things straight away, so this could be usefull. She was beginning to feel a bit tired though and it was hard for her to keep focused. Kevin was the first to notice and he told everyone to leave. After they had all said their goodbyes, Kevin sat down next to her.
“It looked like you needed some rest after all of the craziness of this morning.”
Wendy nodded and on a empty piece of paper she somehow managed to write down “Thank you.”
“No need to thank me.” He smiled at her. “Allright, I guess I’ll be going then, unless you want me to stay here with you.” She grabbed his hand and squeezed it one time. She really didn’t want to be alone at this point.
“Allright, just let me get some coffee and then I’ll stay right next to you.” Kevin stated as he walked out of the room to get some coffee, something to eat and a magazine. Then he walked back in to find her asleep. He sat down next to her and looked at the family tree they had made together earlier that day. Seeing how close they all were made him smile, the words “close friend” had been written down at least 10 times. Yes, close friends they were and he just hoped that it would stay that way forever.

Two days later Dr. Greene told Wendy that they would remove the tube later that day, because she no longer needed it. Howie was right there with her when Dr. Greene told her how they’d do it. “We need you to take some really deep breaths and when I tell you, you need to breathe out as hard as you can. Then we’ll pull out the tube.”
Howie looked worried. “Is there any risk involved?”
“There are always risks involved, there’s a slight possibility that we will damage her vocal cords, but that has never happened under my supervision.” Wendy didn’t like what she was hearing and Howie could tell just by looking at her. After Dr. Greene had left the room, he took her hand into his. “Everything will be just fine, Wendy. Just fine.” He didn’t convince himself or her for that matter.
After a few minutes of silence, Wendy let go of his hand and reached for the paper, which she now used to write down small sentences. She had regained some strength, so there was no need to only communicate through squeezing hands. They still did that though, when she was tired. She scribbled something down and then let Howie read it. “Please get Kevin for me.”
“For the removal of the tube, you mean?”
Wendy nodded.
“Why? I could also stay here with you.”
Wendy scribbled down a message again and when Howie read it, he couldn’t help but burst into laughter. But he knew she was serious about asking Kevin to come over, so he told her he would call him. Still snickering he walked out of Wendy’s room to call Kevin, there he almost bumped into Brian. “Hey D., tell me, what’s so funny?” Howie could only say “Nothing, Rok, nothing..” before he bursted into laughter again. Brian shrugged and went into room 246. “What did you do to D., girl?” he asked. Wendy scribbled it down and handed the paper to Brian. When he had finished reading, he was laughing so hard he was crying. “Well, you still got your sense of humor. Now that’s one of the reasons you’re my best friend. The two of us are a pretty good team when it comes to making fun of the rest.”

Later that day, Kevin came over as she had asked him too. “Howie told me you wanted me to come over, because they are going to remove the tube, but I have a question, girl.. All the time he was trying to tell me this, he couldn’t stop laughing. I can’t quite figure out what’s so funny about all of this. Then Brian called and he was also laughing about me coming over here. Can you tell me what is going on? Both of them didn’t want to tell me, or in fact, couldn’t because of all of the laughing they did.”

Now Wendy smiled too and waved for him to come and sit next to her. She gave him the same piece of paper she gave Brian earlier and Kevin began reading the message written down on it.

W: Please get Kevin for me
H: For removal of tube?
W: yes
H: I could stay also
W: I think K would do a better job
H: Huh?
W: much taller and stronger than you
H: HUH?
W: At least if Dr.G hurts me, he’ll be able to hurt him back. :oP

Kevin chuckled big time, and it took him some minutes to recover.
“But seriously, may I ask you why you wanted me here?” Kevin softly said.
Wendy pointed at the piece of paper and on another one she wrote “I’m dead serious. You will hurt him when he hurts me, right?” Kevin chuckled and nodded his head, and decided not to ask any more questions. But by the look in her eyes, Kevin could tell there was some serious reason that she wanted him and not anyone else there.

The reason was that she felt safe whenever he was around. Maybe it was because he was there the night that she had that terrible dream. Maybe it was just his soothing voice. She didn’t know why she felt safe when he was around, she just wanted him to be there when Dr. Greene would remove the tube. She’d never tell him or the others any of this though, afraid that they’d all think she had a crush on him, which was definitely not the case. How could she have a crush on him when she doesn’t know anything about him, or about herself for that matter?

Shortly after, Dr. Greene and nurse Debra walked in . “Wendy, are you ready? Kevin, I need you to wait outside while we remove the tube.”
Kevin shook his head. “She asked me to be here and here I am. I won’t leave until she wants me to.”
“Kevin, I think it’s for the best if you wait outside. Let us do our jobs.”
Kevin looked at Wendy and her expression told him everything he needed to know.
“I’ll stay.” He simply stated.
“Dr. Greene, let him stay. As long as he isn’t in the way and Wendy wants him here, it wouldn’t matter, now would it?” Debra said in the nicest way.
Dr. Greene didn’t reply. Kevin mouthed “Thank you” to Debra, who smiled at him. One point for me, she thought to herself.

“Okay Wendy, I need you to take some deep breaths, and when I say so, first hold your breath and when I tell ‘go’ just breathe out as strong as you can, but try to stay as still as possible so I can remove the tube. You may experience some trouble with breathing at first, but that’s just because you’re not used to breathing on your own anymore. Don’t panic and don’t try to talk at first, okay? Your throat needs some rest. Ok, take a couple of deep breaths.”

Wendy did as she was asked and when Dr. Greene told her to breathe out, she did it as hard as she could, squeezing Kevin’s hand. Dr. Greene quickly pulled out the tube, causing Wendy to cough terribly and even though she tried not to, she panicked because she felt dizzy from of the sudden lack of oxygen.
“It’s okay, Wendy, just breathe. In... and out... In... and out..” Kevin softly said to her while he was still holding her hand and stroking her forehead with his other hand. Wendy listened to his soothing voice and quickly recovered. Her breathing now was strong and in rhythm. “Well, looks like it was for the better that we let you stay.” Dr.Greene stated. “Now Wendy, remember no talking for about two more days!” He and Debra left the room. Debra was jealous because Kevin treated Wendy like she was made of china. He didn’t even look at her anymore. But that was about to change, she was sure of that.

“Thank you.” Wendy whispered so softly that Kevin could barely hear her.
“No need to thank me, and don’t talk anymore, allright. Doctor’s orders.”
“I’ll try,” Wendy replied with a smile. “Can’t promise anything though.”
“You women are all the same. You just cannot stop talking.” Kevin chuckled. “Now try and get some rest.
I’ll be right here.”
“Okay.. I’m a bit tired.” She replied while smiling.
“Owh just shut up already..” Kevin winked at her. Even though she couldn’t speak out loud, he was sure happy to hear her voice again. Like A.J. always said, it was like magic.

The next day, Wendy no longer followed doctor’s orders. Her throat was no longer sore, so she decided she could talk as much as she wanted. She was looking at the guys, Suzie and Leighanne who were sitting in her room, which now was on the 3rd floor, room 358. She no longer needed to be on the IC-unit. Dr. Greene was still treating her though, and nurse Debra still came in once and a while, to check on her. Well, that was what it looked like, she actually came to see Kevin, who didn’t even seem to notice her.

Wendy spent a lot of her time thinking. She wanted to know as much as she possibly could about herself, her ‘friends’ and her life. She wanted to know what had happened to her, but a part of her told her that it was awful and she could better not know just yet, so for now she only asked somewhat ‘safer’ questions. She already heard about how Suzie and she got friends, which was a bit difficult, because Suzie was crying while telling her this. It was hard for her, because her best friend didn’t remember any of it and it somewhat felt as if she had actually lost her best friend, even though she was alive.
But she also managed to tell some funny stories about the both of them being stuck in an elevator for almost two hours and the time they went shopping and ended up buying so much that they had to eat peanutbutter-sandwiches for a week, because they were broke. Brian was embarrassed when Suzie told the story about the time that Wendy and Suzie thought there was a burglar in Suzie’s house and it turned out to be Brian who wanted to surprise the both of them. They managed to surprise him though, hitting him on the head with a pretty hard basketball from Suzie’s older brother, which knocked him out cold. Leighanne was laughing at her husband. “You never told me this story.. It’s so funny!” “I guess that is why I never told you then..” Brian said as he made a face, but he couldn’t help smiling as well. Wendy enjoyed their company, even though it hurt that she didn’t remember any of this, it seemed to her that she had great friends.

“You guys, I’m confused. I mean, look at you. If you hadn’t told me, I never would have guessed that you are the best of friends. A granddad, a baby, a clown, a freak and Howie.”
“Hey, why is he the only one who you refer to by his name?!” A.J. said.
“Because he’s the only one that seems to be normal!” Wendy replied with a smile.
“Well sunshine, seems like we haven’t told you the juicy stories then.” A.J. looked at Howie with a smirk on his face. “Let’s just say that he’s a.. a... Damn D., why do you have to be so normal?!”
Howie shrugged.
“He’s a player!! That’s right. He seems to be normal, but if he hits on you, you’d better run! And I am NOT a baby..” Nick snickered and ducked as Howie tried to hit him on the head.
“Yes you are, little Nicky. And I’m a clown, but I actually like being one, so I think it’s a compliment.” Brian said with a smile on his face. He was just so happy that Wendy’s body was recovering so remarkably well and he was sure that her memory would come back too.

“But come on you guys, how did you end up being so close? And Brian, how did we meet?”
“Wow, one story at a time. Let’s begin with our story first.”
“Allright, Rok. But please make it a short story, or else she’ll fal asleep after five minutes, like last time. Leighanne, I sure hope you do all the storytelling at home, or else Baylee will never know the whole “Cinderella”- fairytale.” Leighanne giggled and Brian stuck out his tongue at Kevin, then turned to Wendy.

”Once upon a time..” Brian began..
“In a land far far away..” Nick completed his sentence.
“Owh Nick, just shut it.” Brian laughed. “Once upon a time..”
“Somebody was suddenly in desperate need for a coffee break..” A.J. said as he got up and ran for the door, leaving the others laughing their heads off.

~~~~

“I guess we were about eight years old at the time. It was the first day of school, and my family had just moved, so I had to go to a new school, which I wasn’t too happy about at first. My first class was History, and Mrs. Ellis made me introduce myself in front of everyone. Then she told me to sit next to you, because a friend of yours, dear Suzie over here, wasn’t there, because she had the flu. I could tell you weren’t that happy about me sitting next to you, and I wasn’t thrilled either. After five minutes, someone was already whispering: “Brian and Wendy sitting in a tree...”. If looks could kill, I would’ve died instantly, even though I had nothing to do with it. But as the year passed, we found out that we made a pretty good team when it came to pulling pranks on everyone. And so we became friends. In the following years, our bond grew stronger. When your parents died in that carcrash like I told you yesterday, you lived at my house for a couple of years. My parents actually wanted to adopt you, but weren’t allowed to for some stupid reason. But still, you are like a sister to me and my best female friend as well. Like you see, we kinda grew up together, and we’ve known each other for more than 15 years.” Brian sighed. Even though he wanted to tell her everything, it was hard for him to see that she actually remembered none of this. Leighanne held his hand and was softly rubbing his back. She could tell this was hard for him, and for Wendy as well.

Wendy didn’t speak for a couple of minutes, trying to remember, but nothing about his story rang a bell. And she saw the hurt in his eyes, she knew he felt like he had lost his best friend, and there was nothing she could do about it. She felt like she had lost her life, and in some way, she had. She felt the tears burning behind her eyes, but didn’t want to cry, she didn’t want everyone to worry or feel sorry for her. But looking at Brian, who was also about to cry, she could no longer hold them back.

Brian had already seen this coming, got up out of his chair and sat down on her bed. He looked at everyone, they got the hint and silently left the room. Brian looked at Wendy and seeing her loneliness broke his heart. He softly pulled her into a hug, while they were both crying their hearts out. The best of friends had lost each other, their friendship, and there was nothing they could do about it.

“Brian, don’t. Please, let go.” Wendy softly said after a few minutes as she let go of him.
“I need you to go, Brian. Please, just leave.”
Brian let go of her and looked her straight in the eyes. “Allright, but I’ll be back tomorrow.”
“No, you won’t. I don’t want you to come see me tomorrow.”
“Why?”
“Because it hurts, Brian. It hurts to see you hurt like this.”
“Of course it hurts, but we’ll get through this. All of us.”
“No Brian, we won’t. I don’t want to see you, ever again.”
“Please tell me I misheard that.”
“No you did not mishear that. I’m serious Brian, and same goes for the other guys and the girls.”
This message hit Brian hard, very hard, but he was no man to give up on his best friend.

“We care about you, Wendy. We want to help you in any way we possibly can.”
“Then help me by staying away.”
“No, that’s the one thing we cannot do. You can’t do all of this by yourself, please let us help you by just being there for you, telling you about our memories, let us be your friends again.”
“Brian, don’t. Don’t make this any harder than it already is. I can’t handle the hurt in your eyes. You think I don’t see the way you cringe every time I tell you that I don’t remember, but I do. And for some reason, what hurts you, hurts me.”
“That is because of our friendship, our bond goes beyond memories, Wendy.
Never seeing you again would only hurt me more.”
“Brian, please go.. And don’t look back at what we had. It’s gone. Don’t look back.”

Wendy closed her eyes after saying this, crying in silence. She couldn’t look at Brian anymore, couldn’t look him into his eyes after what she just did to him. She heard him cry, then felt his lips on her forehead, and his whisper.. “I love you..” She heard him open the door and heard Kevin say “What’s wrong?” before Brian closed the door behind him.
Everything was wrong. Everything. What she just did, did not only hurt Brian, but herself as well. They seemed like great friends, but she could no longer handle any of this. They knew everything about her, but she knew nothing about herself or them. She saw the disappointment in A.J.’s eyes, when she didn’t remember why he called her ‘Sunshine’. She saw Nick cringe when she didn’t understand his joke about videogames. She heard Howie sigh from despair when he asked her something and she didn’t have the answer. And ofcourse she saw Suzie, Phoebe and Leighanne cry when they heard that her memory wasn’t coming back.
She would miss them, but she knew that this was for the best. They could all go on with their lives, and she would have to create a new life for herself. This was the right thing to do, but if it was, why did it hurt so much?

“What’s wrong?” Kevin asked his cousin as he came out of Wendy’s room, crying.
“Can all of you come over to my place? We need to talk, I just don’t want to do it here.
Honey, will you drive us home?”
“Sure baby.” Leighanne answered as she hugged her husband, wondering what had just happened in there.
A.J. wanted to step up to Brian, but he was held back by Howie, who just shook his head and mouthed “Wait”.

Twenty minutes later, they were all settled in the couple’s living room and A.J. couldn’t hold it in any longer.
“What happened in there, Rok? What made you so upset?”
“She told me to leave, Alex.”
“So? She was probably tired or something.”
“No Alex, she told me to leave and never come back. And that goes for all of us. She never wants to see us again.” Brian was crying uncontrollably now with his face buried in his hands. “She...told me... to go.. and never... look back..That everything we had.. is gone..for good.” Leighanne held her husband as she was rubbing his back, trying to soothe him, while holding back her own tears.
No one knew how to react to this, so they just sat there in silence.
Finally, after what seemed like hours, Nick spoke up. “Did she tell you why, Rok?”
Brian nodded his head and softly said: “She said she could no longer handle this. She sees how much it hurts me when she doesn’t remember.”
“And?” Howie asked.
“That’s all she said.”
“Listen you guys, we cannot give up on her this easily. Dr. Greene already warned us that things could get very difficult and complicated.”
“I know, Kev, but she made herself very clear. She’s serious, she doesn’t want to see us again.”
“Well, then that’s too bad, because I won’t stay away until I get a very good explanation about all of this.” Kevin stated with a determinated look on his face.
“I just can’t give up on her this easily. I just can’t..” Brian softly said, more to himself than the others.
“Neither can we, Rok. I’ll go and talk to her tomorrow.”

~~The next morning~~

Kevin wasn't looking forward to the conversation he was about to have, but he knew that someone had to do it, and since he was the one who had spent some nights in the hospital holding her hand, he figured he should be the one to try and talk some sense into her head.
He opened the door to her room and saw that she was fast asleep. He decided to wait. He sat down in the chair right next to her bed and thought about he was going to say to her, to make her understand that they could not stop caring all of a sudden.

This is just great, Wendy thought as she heard someone come in. It is no doctor or nurse, cause then they would wake me or check on me. So if it isn’t any of them, it has to be one of her ‘friends’. Through her eyelashes she managed to see that it was Kevin. Ofcourse it was him. She didn’t expect anyone else. Maybe if I sleep long enough, he’ll go away. Ok, that’s not going to happen, who am I trying to convince? I’ll just have to wake up then.

Kevin just sat there, looking at her as she woke up. “Good morning.” He softly said.
“Kevin, please go.”
“No.”
“Please, I told Brian I don’t want to see any of you ever again.”
“You told him alright, and you broke his heart during the process.”
“I’m sorry.” Wendy replied with her eyes closed. “It’s just for the best.”
“And why is that? I am not leaving until you give me an explanation, because how can it be for the best when you’re hurting your friends like this?”
“It just is, alright. Now please go.”
Kevin saw the pain in her eyes as she yelled at him.
“No. Explain this to me.”
“You’re the persistent one, aren’t you?”
“I am, now tell me why did you do this?”

“I..” and then she just bursted into tears, which scared Kevin a bit. He had seen her upset before, but that was nothing like this time. He did exactly what his cousin had done the night before. He sat down on her bed and held her while she cried. For now, he was just thankful that she’d let him hold her. He tried to soothe her, but nothing seemed to work as she kept on crying hysterically.

Twenty minutes later, she finally calmed down a bit. Kevin was still sitting on the bed, now looking into her eyes as he held her hands. “Now can you please tell me why you told us to stay away?”
“I..I’m sorry Kevin.” She replied while looking at her hands, avoiding his stare.
“It’s okay, I’m not angry. Can you just help me understand?”
“I’ll try..” Wendy sighed. “Everytime you guys visit, I can see that you’re hoping things have changed. When I tell you things haven’t, I see such huge disappointment in your eyes, that it hurts. It feels like I’m letting you down, when there’s nothing I can do about it. I want my memory back, but I can’t force things. I wish I could.. but I just, I see the hurt in your eyes when I don’t remember. And it hurts me as well, it feels like you’re blaming me for this.” Tears ran down her cheeks again. “But..”
“Please Kevin, let me finish. There’s more to it than this. It also feels like I’m being a burden to you guys. It’s not that you give me that idea, it just feels like I am. You’re here every day. It feels like I am putting your lives on hold. I don’t want to be the person that makes you regret that you haven’t lived your life to the fullest, because you spent so much time with someone who doesn’t even remember you now and maybe never will.”

Kevin was stunned with what he had just heard.
“Wendy, you’re not a burden to us, not at all and don’t you ever think that again. We’re here every day, because we want to be. We want to spend time with you, help you in every way we can. And if you’re memory doesn’t return, that doesn’t mean we care any less. We just want you to be happy and be your friends at the same time.
I’m so sorry that we gave you the idea that you let us down. That was never our intention. We just want you to have your memory back, so you know who you are and so you can have memories of your parents, friends and life. It’s not that you disappoint us in any way, it’s just that we wish we could help you to speed up the process. We want you to find yourself again. We’re not blaming you for any of this, alright?” he said while gently forcing her to look at him. “We don’t blame you in any way. Do you believe me?” Wendy nodded her head.
Kevin gently pulled her into a hug and then asked her:”Do you want me to tell everyone what you just told me?”
“I guess I should do that myself.”
“Maybe, but would you like me to do this for you?”
“Actually, yes, but..”
“That’s settled then, but I do think you should tell one person yourself.”
“I know.”
Wendy replied as she pulled herself away from Kevin’s arms. She grabbed the phone from her bed stand, dialed and waited for the person on the other end to answer. “Brian? I’m so sorry..”

Finally things had changed. He finally seemed to notice her. She saw him watching her as she walked by, she felt his eyes following her. It wouldn’t be long before he would ask her out, she just knew it. And she couldn’t wait to say ‘yes’ to his invitation, she had already picked out a cute black dress to wear to dinner, which would come off easily as well when he’d want dessert at her place. Just thinking about it gave her butterflies. Soon Kevin Richardson, you’ll be mine, all mine...

Kevin watched Debra as she walked by, wondering why she still came over to check on Wendy, who wasn’t on her floor or anywhere near it. Katie was the one who was mostly responsible for his friend. He just had a gut feeling that something wasn’t right, but he couldn’t just figure out what it was exactly. Maybe he was seeing things that weren’t there, but..

“Cuz, are you coming? She wants to hear the story about the five of us, and I think we’ll be needing all the evidence you have with you to convince her..”
Brian chuckled as he walked in to her room, followed by Kevin.
“Goodmorning, sunshine.. Allright, this will be a long story.”
“No, it won’t. I’ll help you tell it, so it should take about.. 2 minutes!” A.J. replied with a funny face.
“I’ll help too, because knowing you, Alex, you’ll leave all the good parts out!”
“No I won’t Nick, I’ll just leave you out, so all the good stuff will be in it.”
Wendy threw a pillow in A.J.’s direction, and because he didn’t see it coming, it hit him straight in the face, which caused them all to laugh at him. Brian and Wendy high-fived and A.J. tried to give them an angry look, but failed miserably.

“Once upon a time..”
“In a land far far away, yeah Brian, we get the idea.” Howie replied.
“Allright, I’ll keep things simple then.”
“Please do, Rok, just for once.” Alex chuckled.
“Owh come on, you guys, just one at a time, or else..”
“Or else what, sunshine?”
“Or else I’ll ask Nick to use you as a bowling ball.”
“I can do that!! Please A.J. let me use you as a bowling ball!”
“Hell no.”
“Then be a good boy, maybe you’ll get some icecream from uncle Kevy later.” Wendy giggled.
“Hey, leave uncle Kevy out of this!!” Kevin replied with a smile.

“ONCE UPON A TIME...” Brian yelled, trying to get everyone’s attention in which he succeeded.
“Allright, that’s better. Well, as you know Kevin and I are cousins, so that’s obvious. But now how did we, the normal two, get to know the freak, the baby and the player?” Brian chuckled. “Way way way back, A.J. wasn’t a freak that much, and I once bumped into him while we were in high school. Maybe he had a crush on me or something, cause after that one time, we always ran into each other in the hallway or on the basketball court. Then after a while, he brought along some dork..”
“Hey man, I wasn’t a dork!!” Nick yelled.
“Okay, but you are now.” Howie chuckled.
“And I sure as hell didn’t have a crush on you! It was the other way around I think!”
“Nick, bowling ball time!!”
“Nooooooo! I’ll shut up!” A.J. replied, trying to look as if he was really scared.
“Okay, so he brought along Nick, who lived nearby him.”
“Yes, we had known each other for quite some time and we played basketball together and stuff like that. And then they had to renovate the court that was right down the street, so we played at my highschool, together with Brian, some other guys and Kevin whenever he was in town.”
“I’ll go and get some coffee.” Howie then said.
“Owh no, you’re staying right here!” A.J. held onto him as he was trying to leave the room.
“He just wants some coffee!” Wendy was confused.
“No, he wants to make sure that he’s not here when we tell you how we all met him!” Kevin chuckled. “You’re staying right here, D.”
Howie blushed. “Just get it over with then.”
“One day, the dork tried to pass me the ball, but he has no coordination whatsoever, so it went by me and.. hit Howie, who was talking to some girl, on the head, which caused him to pass out. Later we found out that he had a concussion, thanks to Nick’s bad coordination. So we visited him a few times, and he turned out to be a nice guy, even though he hates basketball now.”
Wendy couldn’t help but giggle as she looked at Howie whose head turned tomato-red..

After a few minutes she asked Brian: “So you guys became such close friends after just this? It’s kind of hard to believe for some reason.”
“Well, there’s more to it than this, but I think it’s hard for you to believe me when I tell you this.”
“Why?”
“Ehm, allright, here goes nothing. We found out that we all sang quite a lot. I did in church for example. Then someday, you came over to my house to do a science project together. What you didn’t know was that all the guys were there as well. You came up to my door, but then you heard us sing, just for fun. So you came in, which startled us to be honest, and told us that it sounded great. Well, after some encouragement in the months after this, we decided to do something with our talent..”
“And to make a long story short, you’re looking at the Backstreet Boys right now..” A.J. interrupted.
“What? Who?”
“The Backstreet Boys. I know, I know, this is hard to believe, but we became a vocal group who actually managed to succeed in the business. We’ve had some succes in the US and huge successes around Europe and Asia.”
Wendy just looked at A.J. as if he had just said that two and two makes six. Then she burst into laughter.
“You almost had me there, Alex. I can’t believe I almost fell for that.”
Brian smiled. “I told you we were going to need the evidence, cuz..”
Kevin got up and handed a bag over to Wendy. Inside were some cd’s, articles and merchandise. Wendy looked at a few things and her jaw just dropped. “Allright, so if you are that great singers, let’s hear it then.”

~~Later that night~~

Allright, they could really sing. They really managed to touch her soul with their magical voices, each with his one specialty. They even made her cry when they sang something like

“Don’t wanna lose you now
I know we can win this
Don’t wanna lose you now
Or ever again..”

Brian saw some worries in her eyes though after they told her about the group. So when everyone had left to go out for dinner, he stayed behind and asked her what was wrong. She told him that she was worried that they weren’t doing any shows or anything because of her situation. Brian told her that they were on a break for at least a year or so. Baylee was one of the reasons why, Brian wanted to spend more time with his son and wife, Howie had bought a new house which he wanted to decorate himself, so that would take ages and the others just liked the idea of a long vacation.

But now she just couldn’t sleep. Her mind was processing all the things she had heard earlier. Now she understood how they became such close friends, their voices bonded them and their friendship grew stronger while being in the band, seeing each other everyday and sharing the succes, even though they were very modest about it, but from what she had heard from Leighanne and Suzie, they were a huge succes over in Europe and Asia and famous in the US as well.

Wendy rearranged the pillows again and tried to empty her mind, which usually helped her fall asleep. But not this time. She kept hearing their voices, seeing the passion in their eyes while they sang and felt their special connection with each other. I love the fact that they can sing as beautifully as they do, but I would really like to get some sleep, she thought.

I don’t care who you are..

Ah men, that’s the 5th time already. Why do I keep hearing that sentence in my head? Why? I don’t understand. I just wanna get some rest. She yawned and closed her eyes again, longing for some eyeshut.

I don’t care who you are..where you’re from..

This is just nuts. Wendy looked at the clock. It was 1.25am. She didn’t really care where the sentences came from, no, she just wanted to get some rest, but for some reason, something wouldn’t let her.

I don’t care who you are.. where you’re from.. what you did..

She had had it already. “I know this is the most stupid thing I ever did since I ended up here, but I just have to know where this is coming from.” she quietly said to herself. She picked up the phone and dialed Brian’s number. She felt a bit guilty about waking him up, but something told her to just call him and tell him about this.

“Brian?”
“Hmm..what.. oh..” Brian yawned and felt drowsy, but then he suddenly realized it was Wendy on the phone and he was wide awake, praying that everything was allright. “Wendy, is something wrong?”
“Yes there is, I can’t sleep.”
Brian smiled. “And so you decided that if you can’t sleep, I can’t either?”
“No, you dork.. Something’s just on my mind. Brian, can you tell me what this means? I don’t care who you are, where you’re from, what you did.. Brian?? Hello?”
Brian didn’t answer, he had just dropped the phone on the floor.

Two weeks had passed since the night she had first remembered something from her past. She didn’t quite remember everything, but most of the childhood memories and her teenage years had returned. She still didn’t remember how she ended up in the hospital and for the first time, she began to ask her friends questions. Dr. Greene had again made it perfectly clear that they shouldn’t tell her anything yet. Even though she was recovering very quickly, he still thought it was too soon to tell her. He told them that they should tell her only if she started remembering anything that had to do with that night, or that they could tell her when she was ready to be treated at the rehabilitation center, where she would learn how to walk again. She had to learn all over again, because her muscles had lost a lot of strength from being in a coma and in bed in the period afterwards.

“Howie, what exactly happened to me that night? I just know you know more than you’re telling me. Please help me remember this. I’ve seen the scars, I know I’ve been in a coma for a long period of time and ofcourse the memory loss. Please tell me what happened.”
“I’m sorry baby, but I don’t know. None of us know what happened to you during that night. Really, I’m telling you the truth.” No, I’m not, he quietly thought. I wish I could tell her, because I hate lying to her, but I’ll just follow doctor’s orders for now. I don’t think I can keep this up for very long though and neither can the others. They had discussed all of this for hours and decided to not tell her anything as long as Dr. Greene told them, because they didn’t want her to end up in shock or anything, but hiding it from her became harder and harder. Especially Brian had a hard time not telling her, mostly because he was her best friend and she began to see right through him like she had always done, and because he had answered her phone call that night.

The night she had called him and asked him what the sentences stood for, was one of the happiest nights of his life. At first he wanted to come see her immediately, but she talked him out of that. He showed up at 6.30 am though, waking her up by singing “As long as you love me” to her, which was a nice surprise. He hugged her for about 10 minutes, ‘til she told him to let go so she could breathe again. She was a bit scared though, thinking that everyone would expect too much from her, but they didn’t at all. They just kept on telling her stories about her and their friendship and sometimes she would immediately remember, when other times she called one of them in the middle of the night to ask them about something she had remembered.

Phoebe didn’t come around as much as she used to, partly because of work, but also because Wendy still didn’t remember anything about her and their friendship. All she could ever talk about was the boys or Suzie and it made her jealous, which then made her feel bad about herself. Wendy wasn’t doing all of this on purpose. Suzie on the other end, was obviously absolutely thrilled about the situation and the progress her best friend had already made. She had to fly home again though because of her visa, but was coming back the next month.

Kevin found himself thinking about Wendy a lot lately, which startled him. He didn’t want to think of her in any other way than as a friend, a close friend. He felt she somehow managed to open up his heart again, but he didn’t like that, not at all. He tried to put up a shield while being around her, but somehow she always managed to break it down. And again, he didn’t like any of this.

Debra overheard Dr. Greene and Dr. Lockheart talking earlier that day. They were discussing Wendy’s case and were talking about her being transfered to the “Hope Rehabilitation Center” very soon, because her memory was almost intact again, and she no longer needed treatment from them. Debra didn’t like this message at all. Kevin still hadn’t asked her out, which made her furious, because she had seen him looking at her a dozen times. When Wendy was released from the hospital, she would never see him again and then she could no longer convince him that they were meant to be. She didn’t ask him out though, because strangely she was kind of old-fashioned about that. He should ask her out, and she’d do anything in her power to make sure he would. “Even if this means that Wendy hasto stay just a little bit longer,” she thought with an evil smile on her face.

~~~~

It was so dark that she could hardly see. She felt someone lifting her head and smashing it back down again on something really hard. She heard an evil laughter and saw something shiny, but her vision was so blurry that she couldn’t really tell what was happening to her. Then out of nowhere, she felt an excruciating pain between her ribs. She tried to scream but something prevented her from doing so and seconds later she experienced the same pain in her stomach, which was followed by a sinister laugh from the person who was doing this to her..

Wendy woke up crying, not understanding this terrible nightmare. Her whole body was trembling and she was cold and perspiring at the same time. With her hands shaking uncontrollably, she reached for the phone and dialed the one number she could remember at this point. She was so scared, and she didn’t even understand why exactly.

“Hello?”
Wendy couldn’t even speak because she was crying hysterically.
“Wendy? Is that you?”
She nodded, not even realizing that he couldn’t see that.
“Wendy, what’s wrong? Talk to me girl..”
“I...I..” was all she managed to say.
“I’m coming over right now, I’ll be there in 10 minutes alright?” he replied, now worried sick.

When he opened the door to her room and looked at her, she was still crying, all curled up with the sheets up to her neck, while rocking her body, probably trying to calm herself down. He hurried over to her, sat down on her bed and tried to hold her. “Shh... I’m here, girl.. I’m right here..” She held onto him as if he was the last thing that could keep her from falling into darkness. “Shh.. everything’s okay now, nothing can happen to you, I promise..I promise..” He already had an idea what had happened, but didn’t want to ask her, right now she just needed him to be there.

“Do you want to tell me what got you so upset?” he asked her an hour after he first came in as she had finally calmed down. She looked up to him and softly shook her head. “I’m sorry, Kevin, but I’m exhausted and just thinking of it makes me tremble again.. I’m so sorry that you came over for nothing..” she said as she lowered her head again, her eyes filled with embarrassment. He must think I’m crazy.
“Don’t be sorry allright. You needed a friend and so here I am, so don’t think that it was for nothing, I did it for you and I don’t regret it or anything, okay?” She nodded. “Please stay..” she said, now also begging him with her eyes. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
Kevin already had seen this coming and he wasn’t sure if he liked it or not. Even though he wanted to be there for here in every possible way he could, staying here would mean that he would end up staring at her while she was asleep. He already liked her more than he thought was healthy for him, but how could he say no to her right now. He just couldn’t, the look in her eyes told him that she was terrified and needed him close. “I’ll stay.” He replied as he kissed her forehead. “Just let me pull up the chair.”
Wendy grabbed his arm. “Please, stay where you are.” She was so terrified that him being in the chair was even too far away right now. She could still feel the excruciating pain between her ribs, which made her sick. This startled Kevin and his instincts told him to leave the room and never come back, but ofcourse he didn’t run off. He decided to do as she asked, just for tonight, just so she could get some rest. Or at least, that’s what he told himself, that it was just for her and that it had nothing to do with him wanting to be close to her. He lay down next to her, which wasn’t easy in such a small hospital bed. She lay her head on his chest holding him with her arm. One arm was resting under his head, the other was holding her. “Thank you,” she whispered.
“Shh.. just try to get some sleep.” Kevin replied. This sure feels good, he then quietly thought to himself, and that’s exactly why I can’t do this anymore..

Don't betray me, Kevin.. Don't betray me..

Kevin woke up and looked at the ceiling which seemed to be spinning crazy. Thoughts were racing in his mind and he closed his eyes. The nightmare, again. He opened his eyes when he realized someone was next to him. When he finally remembered what happened the night before and who was next to him, he jumped right out of the bed. “I just can’t do this. I just can’t. This is so wrong,’ he softly said to himself. He felt sick.
“Kevin, what’s wrong?”
Hearing her voice, filled with worry, made him look at her. She doesn’t have a clue. She does not have a clue. I just can’t do this. He somehow managed to say: “I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry,” then he ran off like he was being chased by the devil.
“Kevin, come back!!” Wendy yelled, but he did not respond. I don’t understand, what did just happen? He just looked at me so..so..scared. I have to go after him. Wendy rolled over to try and get out, but she forgot that she was already on the edge and she fell to the floor, hard.

“Hey Kev, what’s up?” Nick said as Kevin ran past him and Brian. When he didn’t respond, the two looked at each other and Brian said: “I guess he really had to go..” which made Nick chuckle. But he immediately stopped when they heard Wendy yell from her room, followed by a loud smack.

When Nick and Brian entered her room, they found Wendy on the floor, obviously hurt. Nick scooped Wendy up carefully and put her back on the bed. “Are you allright?”
“I’m getting Dr. Lockhart or Dr. Greene!”
“No Brian, don’t. I’m okay, really. I just wish they didn’t make floors that solid.” She said as she rubbed her left wrist.
“I really think they should check on you.”
“Bri, I’m fine..”
“What happened, sunshine? Kevin ran out of the hallway like crazy.”
“I don’t know.”
“Wendy, there’s something you’re not telling me. Your pretty face gives you away. Come on, spill it.”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Because you’ll be assuming things that aren’t true.”
“This makes no sense, Wendy, come on, tell uncle Nicky.”
“Uncle? I’m older than you, you stupid dork.” Wendy smiled at him.
“Well, you could’ve fooled me. You look so much younger than he does.” Brian snickered.
“Owh Rok, just shut up, you oldie. Now come on, sunshine, tell us!”
“Well, it started last night.”
“Last night?!” Brian and Nick glanced at each other, each thinking of the same.
Did he stay for the night? What for?

Wendy sighed. “Last night, I had a terrible nightmare. I woke up crying, totally hysterical. So I called Kev, and he rushed over. Finally after an hour or so, I calmed down, but I was too afraid to be alone, so I asked him to stay, and he did.” She wasn’t going to tell them about him sleeping in the same bed as her, because then they would immediately ask questions she did not want to answer at this point in time. “When I woke up this morning, he was panicking and mumbled that he was sorry and then ran off. I called him, but he didn’t respond, so I wanted to follow him and that’s when you found me.”
“That’s strange, but I’m sure he has a perfect explanation when he comes to see you again. What did you dream about, sunshine?” Nick asked while he was trying to figure out why Kevin had been acting so strangely, it just didn’t sound like him.
“Well, last night it didn’t make any sense, but now I think I remember something about what happened ‘the’ night.” Wendy was nervous about telling the guys this, she knew it would hurt them to know the details, and she knew that she was probably going to cry while telling them.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Brian asked her, while looking at Nick who looked nervous too. Does she remember everything? Please God, do not let her remember the rape, not just yet, not everything at once. Because Wendy was sitting on the edge of her bed, Nick sat down on her left and Brian on her right. They both held her, trying to be there for her as much as they could. “It’s still all blurry and vague, but..” Then the tears started to fall while her body began to tremble. “Sshh.. it’s allright, baby. We’re here and nothing is going to happen. Just take your time.”
Brian kissed her on her right temple and Nick did the same thing on her left.
“I remember that someone hit my head on something really hard and then I saw something very shiny. The next thing I remember is an excruciating pain between my ribs and then in my stomach. Then I heard a very evil laughter, like someone was enjoying doing this.”
This sent a shiver down Brian’s spine and it made Nick angry, very angry, which he tried to hide from her.
“Is that all you remember?” he asked her. Brian gave him an angry look. Nick could ruin this and cause her to be suspicious, cause her to think they knew anything she doesn’t. “Don’t you think it’s enough?” she replied with a hint of bitterness. “I’m sorry sunshine, that just came out.” “No, I think you know something I don’t. Tell me, Nick, tell me right now.” Brian decided to take over from here. “We don’t know anything, Wendy, Nick just wasn’t thinking. Really, we know nothing. I’m so sorry that this happened to you..” Brian softly said as he hugged her.
“I’m scared Brian. I don’t know why, but I’m terrified.”
“Nothing is going to happen to you, sunshine. Nothing. We’ll make sure of that, alright? And you can call me, doesn’t matter what time it is.”“Same goes for me and I’m sure it goes for everyone else too.” Nick replied. “Now can I get a hug too or are you glued to that Rok over there?” He was trying to make her smile again, and he succeeded. “I think someone is a bit jealous. Come here you.” Wendy hugged Nick and Nick and Brian looked at each other. Relieved that she didn’t remember the rape yet, scared to death for the day she would.

“Nooooooooooooo!!”
“Wendy, wake up, you’re having a bad dream..” Nick said as he was shaking her a bit, trying to wake her up. She had been having nightmares everytime she slept, which meant that she’d had around fifteen or so in these last two days. During the night, she was afraid of having nightmares, so she tried to stay awake, but every once in a while she doze off only to wake up shortly after screaming or crying. During the day she was exhausted caused by the lack of sleep, and again everytime she did get some sleep, it would be for a short amount of time because of yet another nightmare. Leighanne, Brian, Nick and A.J. took shifts with her, so one of them could wake her up when she was having another one and be there for her when she needed someone to hold or talk to. Howie had to be at his new place most of the time, because there were some people to paint it, but he called her at least two times a day.
Seeing her like this, is breaking my heart, Nick thought. She’s exhausted and the nightmares keep coming back. I wish she would take some sort of sedative, just so she could sleep for one night. Wendy had been refusing to take them, because she had seen how addictive those can be. I just wish I could make all of this go away, he thought, as he held her while she cried in his arms, her head against his chest. “Shh.. You’re safe now.”
“I’m so sorry, Nick. I feel like a fool, but it just feels so real everytime I dream about it, like it is happening all over again.”
“No need to be sorry, sunshine. Was it the same dream again?”
Wendy nodded. “The smashing on the stone, the knife, the laughter.”
“Listen, Wendy, I really think you could use some sleep right now. You’re exhausted, and Dr. Greene said he wouldn’t let the transfer happen when you aren’t getting enough sleep. Please, just let them give you something to help you sleep. Please..” Nick said to her with pleading eyes.
“Alright.”
“What?” Nick was surprised she had agreed, this easily.
“Alright, Nick. But on one condition. When I’m asleep, you go home, get some rest, play some videogames or something, or even better, go annoy Brian with your presence.” She faked a smile. I’m just so tired.. and he looks tired too. And besides, I need to talk to someone, but I don’t want anyone to know.
Nick smiled back at her. “Are you sure? I’d rather stay here.”
“You stay, no pill for me,” she replied, knowing that he’d do anything to let her sleep.
“I’ll be right back.” Nick stepped out of the room, happy she was going to finally get some rest.
Fifteen minutes later, she was asleep. She didn’t have the time to make a call, because Nick stayed with her until the moment her eyes had closed and she was sound asleep. He got his jacket and decided to go home for an hour or two. Dr. Lockhart had told him that she would be sleeping for at least four hours, so she should be alright. Nick hadn’t even reached his car yet, when Wendy’s phone started ringing.

~~At Kevin's place~~

No answer. That’s probably for the best. I wonder why she didn’t answer it though. I hope she’s okay. He didn’t want to call anyone to find out earlier, he didn’t feel like talking to anyone at the moment. He wasn’t even sure he wanted to talk to her, but just hearing her voice for a moment would be okay. No, it would NOT be okay. What was I thinking? I can’t. I can’t love anyone right now, it’s wrong. I have to be strong and get rid of these stupid feelings. Ever since her memory returned for the most part, his feelings for her had changed from friendship to romantic love. He hated himself for this. He even thought he hated her for doing this to him, but he knew that she didn’t do anything, she was just being herself. Her beautiful self. And besides, he could never hate her.

“Kevin, you need to stop this nonsense,” he quietly said to himself, feeling another headache coming up. I need to get some sleep. I haven’t slept in, what is it, two days. He walked up to his bedroom and crawled into bed, not even changing his clothes. I hope nothing happened to her. I should try calling her again. No, I should not.
I wish I could stop thinking about her. Her pretty smile, her eyes in which I almost drowned a couple of times. Kevin, stop it. I wonder if she’s mad at me, for running out on her like that, not coming over or calling her. I could not bear it if she was. I just can’t face her, because of what I did, and because I don’t want to love her even more than I already do now. I don’t want to love her at all. It just felt so good when she was next to me, her head resting on my chest and holding me. I felt whole again. But I just can’t, I have to protect her. I can’t let anything bad happen to her. I don’t want to end up being the one hurting her.

~~At A.J.'s place~~

“Have you heard from Kev, Rok? The rest of us haven’t, I checked with the others. ” A.J. asked his friend while he was playing peek-a-boo with Baylee, who was sitting on his lap, giggling everytime uncle Alex uncovered his face. Brian shook his head. “He doesn’t answer his phone, he wasn’t home when I stopped by earlier this morning and he hasn’t been visiting or calling Wendy either.”
“That’s strange, just not like good old Kev.”
“I think he just needs some time for himself. He has spent a whole lot of time in the hospital in the last couple of weeks. I think he was even there more than I was, and besides, he was there when she first remembered anything about the night of the attack. Seeing her hurt and hearing her talk about it must have been awful, judging by the look on his face when he ran out the morning after.”
“I guess so.. Peek-a-boo!!” Baylee giggled again, his face filled with joy and clapping his little hands.
“It’s awful to see her like this. She..” He was interrupted by his cell. “Hey Frack, what’s up? Owh, alright, that’s great. I’ll tell A.J., I’m over at his place. No, Kevin isn’t answering his phone. Did you tell everyone else already? Allrighty then. Bye, Nick!”
“What was that all about?”
“Wendy finally agreed to taking a sleeping pill, so she is sound asleep right now as we speak. Nick called to warn us not to call her, it might wake her up.”
“It’s good to know that she can finally get some rest. But what about Kev, shouldn’t we do something?”
“I’ll stop by his place again tomorrow to find out if something’s wrong. And now hand me my son, otherwise he’ll have trouble sleeping tonight because of your freaky face.” Brian chuckled.
“There’s nothing five minutes of your boring storytelling can’t fix.” A.J. replied with a smirk on his face.

~~At the hospital~~

Kevin hasn’t been around these last few days. I wonder why that is, maybe he’s finally planning on asking me out and he has to make a lot of arrangements. Or he’s planning a surprise for that bitch in room 358. Owh yes, she saw them together, all cosy in that tiny hospital bed. She walked in that night, just to ‘check’ on her, but when she saw them together, she turned around immediately. That bitch is ruining my life. She’s crazy if she thinks she can steal him away from me. Kevin and I are supposed to be together, and that is the way it will be. If he hasn’t been around here on Thursday, I have to do something, otherwise she will be transfered to “Hope” on Monday, and then I will not be able to see him this easily, which means that it will take destiny longer to fullfill itself. He’ll be back, and when he realizes that I am the only one for him..
Then it’s time to finally get rid of her, for good..

It looked like his cousin wasn’t home. Brian had rang the doorbell twice, but the door remained closed. He still didn’t answer his phone either, and Brian was getting worried. It just wasn’t like Kevin to not return his phone calls. Brian decided this was the time to use the spare key Kevin gave him for emergencies. Maybe this wasn’t a huge emergency, but it couldn’t hurt to check on his cousin.
As he opened the door, the first thing he noticed was the lack of daylight. All the curtains were closed. After a minute or so, his eyes had adjusted. “Kevin?” he yelled, but no one answered. Maybe he’s in the shower where he can’t hear me. So Brian walked upstairs and checked every room on the first floor, but Kevin wasn’t there. He went downstairs again and finally found him on the sofa in the tv-room, watching Tell Sell.

“Hey cuz, what’s up?”
Kevin didn’t respond.
“Earth to Kevin, earth to Kevin!!” Brian said while snapping his fingers in front of Kevin’s face.
“Owh.. hey cuz..”
“Well goodmorning to you too. How are you, Kev?”
“Fine..” Kevin answered not taking his eyes of the screen.
“Can we talk for a moment?”
“Sure..” he said, but he didn’t even move a muscle.
“Please turn the tv off for a moment then.”
Kevin sighed deep as if Brian had asked him if he could save the world in one day, all by himself, but he did turn the tv off. He kept staring at it though.
“Why didn’t you return my calls, Kev? Is something wrong?” Brian asked as he sat down next to his cousin.
“Didn’t feel like it, and no.” Kevin just wanted to get this over with, he didn’t want to act so apathetic, but he had to, otherwise his cousin would get through to him and read his soul like an open book. And that’s the last thing he wanted to happen right now. He just wanted to be alone, but if he told Brian that, he would instantly know that something was bothering him and never get off his back until he told him.

“You haven’t called Wendy either.” Brian was getting a bit worried now. His cousin seemed to be so distant and he just could not get through to him. He didn’t quite give up yet though, he had to know what was wrong.
“So?” Kevin decided he would try a new strategy.
“So? You stormed out of her room like you had just seen a ghost. And now you’re gonna tell me that you didn’t even think about calling her to tell her why you ran off like that?”
“No, I didn’t.”

Kevin hoped it wouldn’t take much longer for his cousin to leave. He just wanted to be left alone. And ofcourse he had thought about calling her. I actually did call, but there was no answer, he thought. He desperately wanted to know if she was alright, but decided not to ask and kept staring at the screen, even though there was nothing to be seen on it, just his own reflection.

“She tried to call you too, but just like the rest of us, you didn’t answer. She’s worried sick about you.”
She is? Kevin thought. “Owh..whatever..”
“Geez Kev, what’s wrong with you? Are you feeling okay? Do you need a doctor or something?”
“I’m fine.”
Brian didn’t quite believe that though.
“When will you visit her again? You need to tell her what happened. She really needs you there anyways.”
Kevin wanted to ask his cousin why, but decided that he’d better not know the answer. He had to keep his distance, at all costs. Even if she’d end up hating him. That was probably the best thing that could happen.
“Aren’t you even going to ask me why??? I’ll just tell you then. She remembers Kev, she..”
“Shut it, Brian.”
“EXCUSE me?!” Brian couldn’t believe what he had just heard. “WHAT did you just say?!”
“Shut it, Brian.” Kevin calmly replied.
“Why on earth would you say such a thing?” Brian felt anger rise inside his body, making him shiver.
“Because I don’t want to hear what you were about to say.”
“Because you’re going by this afternoon so she can tell her yourself?” he asked, but somehow he already knew that this wasn’t the case. What could be on his cousin’s mind that was causing him to act like such a yerk?
“No, because I don’t care.” Kevin calmly said.
“You WHAT?” Brian exclaimed, his palms were sweaty and his eyes shot fire at his cousin.
“I don’t care.”
“You’d better explain yourself right now.”
“I don’t see why I should.”
“Because you’re acting like a yerk, that’s why.”

Kevin sighed. He knew he was acting like an asshole, but he couldn’t stop acting like one now. Even though it hurt him to say those things, he knew he had to, just to keep her safe. He couldn’t possibly tell his cousin this though, he didn’t even tell him what had happened exactly the last time he loved someone. He had wished so many times that he could confide in him about what happened and his lack of faith, but he just couldn’t. Brian would never be able to forgive him for what he had done in the past, and that’s why he decided a long time ago that he would never share his secret with his closest friend, his cousin.

“She just gets on my nerves.”
Brian’s jaw dropped.
“She’s always crying, clinging on to one of us and acting like she’s handicapped. She should get over it. It’s been almost six moths already!!” Kevin tried to sound as persuasive as possible. I hate myself for doing this. Those things are so far from the truth. She has been through a lot and she’s fighting to overcome all of it, and here I am telling all those horrible lies. He couldn’t even look at his cousin right now, that would probably break his act and he wanted to ignore the way his cousin was fuming.

Brian’s eyes were filled with tears of anger by this point. The person who was sitting next to him, seemed nothing like his reliable and caring cousin. “So what are you saying? That you’ll never visit her again and just forget everything that has happened these last few months? That she’s just disposable?!” Brian was now screaming on top of his lungs.
“Yes.”
Brian was about to punch his cousin in the face, but something kept him from doing so.
“Just look me straight in the eyes and tell me that you no longer care.”
Kevin turned his head towards his cousin and looked him straight in the eyes, hoping that he could do this without falling apart. “I.. don’t... care..” he slowly said, his insides wrenching with every word.
Brian was stunned. “But she.. she needs you, Kev,” he softly said, thinking about what this would do to her. This would break her heart, maybe even her spirit.

“She’s got you, the guys and the girls.” Kevin replied, trying to sound as cold as ice.
“She needs YOU TOO, damnit.” Within Brian, anger was winning the fight against sadness.
“Then that’s too bad, because I no longer care for her. I don’t want to see her or hear anything about her ever again. To me she no longer exists.” I’m gonna be sick, Kevin thought. I will never be able to forgive myself for this, and by the looks of it, Brian never will forgive me either. But he’s family, and family bonds cannot be broken, so we will be alright, eventually. Then Brian said something Kevin never expected him to say, not even in a million years.

“If she does no longer exist to you, you no longer exist to me. She’s like my little sister and your attitude will break her heart. YOU were the one that was beside her bed, holding her hand for a couple of nights. She could always rely on YOU! YOU were the one who held her when she first remembered anything about what has happened to her. And now I have to be to one to tell her that YOU no longer care?! I CANNOT and will not forgive you for doing this to her, EVER! There are NO excuses for what you’re about to do to her, through me.” Brian was furious, and about to hurt his cousin, hurt him bad.

Kevin got scared at this point. He had never seen his cousin like this. He expected him to be mad at him, but not like this. What was his cousin trying to tell him? “Bri, we’re cousins..”
“Shut up. You’ve already made yourself perfectly clear. We are no longer family.” Brian got on his feet and started walking towards the door.
“Brian..”
“Leave me alone, cousin..” he replied while spitting out the word ‘cousin’ as if it was a disease.
“Rok..” Kevin tried to catch his attention just one last time, scared that he had carried this way too far.
“Shut up, asshole. Leave me and my family alone. YOU’RE DEAD TO ME!” Brian exclaimed as he turned his head and looked his cousin straight in the eyes for the last time, then heading for the door and slamming it behind him.

“He means it..” was all Kevin was thinking while leaning his head on the backside of the couch, eyes closed and trembling all over. The conversation finally hit home now. “Owh my God, what did I do? He really means it..”

~~~~

“I am going to kill the bastard!!”
“I’m coming with you!! Maybe my fists can talk some sense into his head!!”
“Alex, Nick, calm down..”
“Calm down?! D., how on earth can I calm down when he’s acting like this?!”
“Maybe you should stop thinking about your feelings towards Kevin right now, and think about how we are going to explain this to Wendy.”
Immediate silence came over the room, each of the four guys and Leighanne alone with their own thoughts of how this would devastate her. They had all noticed the special bond between Kevin and Wendy. Nothing romantic, just great respect, trust and friendship. First she lost her health, then her memories, and now she could possibly lose her trust.

“Daddy, uncle Kevy where?” Baylee said as he waddled his way into the living room.
Brian looked at his wife, not knowing what to tell his little boy. He could not tell him that uncle Kevy wasn’t going to be around anymore.
“Uncle Kevy is a bit ill, honey..” Leighanne softly said.
“Kiss, go away?” Baylee asked his mom. She nodded her head, what else could she do?
“Uncle Kevy will be better soon..”
“Yaayy.. Mommy, play?”
“Sure sweety. Let’s go to your room and play with Elmo!” The name alone caused Baylee to giggle.
“Bye, uncle Nicky, bye uncle Aje, bye uncle Owie,” Baylee said as he was waving to them.
“Bye daddy.. Luf joe.” Baylee said as he walked over to Brian. He then gave his daddy a big, wet kiss.
“Daddy no more sad?” he asked. Brian shook his head and tried to smile. He couldn’t say anything right now, because of a huge lump in his throat and was about to cry.

Nick noticed and sat down next to his best friend, pulling him into a hug. That was all Brian needed to start sobbing. He didn’t regret a word he had said to his cousin, he was just scared of her reaction to all of this. Nick was just plain furious at Kevin for doing this. And for a moment he was sad for her, but he could handle the anger better, and locked out the sadness. A.J. was just scared to death that she couldn’t handle it and would shut all of them out, again. He couldn’t handle to lose his sunshine once more. Howie was thinking of Kevin. Ofcourse he was mad at him, but something inside told him that there was more to it than this, that Kevin acted like this for a reason. Probably a ridiculous one, but still, there had to be an explanation for all of this.

“How can we possibly tell her that he doesn’t care anymore? It will break her heart.” A.J. softly said, wiping the tears from his eyes. “How could he do this to her? And to you for that matter.”
“Right now, I couldn’t care less about myself.” Brian sighed. “But how am I supposed to tell her and explain this to Baylee, why Kevin won’t come around anymore. I don’t want to lose her again. Guys, what on earth are we going to do? I don’t want to be the one that shatters her trust in us.”
“We HAVE to tell her, Rok, you know that, don’t you?”
“I know, Nick.” Brian sighed again.
“We just have to be strong for her, guys. We cannot let anger take over right now. She will need us, maybe more than ever before.” Howie said.
“We’ll be right there with you, okay?” A.J. said as he put a hand on Brian’s shoulder.
“Thanks, Alex, but I’d rather tell her by myself. Just the two of us.”
“Why?”
“I just think it’s for the better if I’m alone with her when I tell her.”
“Allright Rok, if you think that’s the best way to handle it. But we will be there, in the hallway or something.”
“I think it is, but I’m scared to death of her reaction. I hate Kevin for doing this. Not only does he tell me that he no longer cares, he made sure that I am the one who has to tell her.” Brian shook his head, still in disbelief of what had happened earlier that dreadful day.

****

“At least I made sure that he’s going to be the one who tells her.” Kevin quietly said to himself.
He was all curled up in his bed, feeling sick to his stomach. He hated himself for what he had done and said to his cousin, who decided he no longer was family. He couldn’t blame Brian though. Thinking back to the conversation, he now hated himself for saying those things and he actually knew the reason why he had said it.
He could only hope that someday he could explain all of this to his cousin and friends.
Brian has probably told everyone by now. Owh my god, I miss her.. Kevin closed his eyes and ran his fingers through his hair, crying..
When did my life become such a mess?

~~At the hospital~~

“Kevin didn’t show up today, again. I am losing my patience, handsome. You’d better come by tomorrow, or else I will have to make you by hurting precious little Ms. Hamilton.” She quietly thought to herself, while only an evil smile revealed a clue of what she was about to do. What she ofcourse didn’t know yet was that Kevin wasn’t planning on visiting Wendy ever again.

He found himself in the parking lot of a hospital close to his home, not even knowing how he got there. He was just standing there, unable to move a muscle, scared stiff of what the doctors inside might tell him about her condition. Brian called him that he needed to get over here as quickly as possible, that this was an emergency. By his cousin’s voice he could tell that this was bad, really bad.

“Come on Kev, we need to go see how she’s doing.” Howie said to him, while gently dragging him towards the entrance door by his arm. Kevin looked at him while they were rushing in, Howie’s facial expression told him that he was scared to death of what the doctor was going to tell them.
When they entered the family room, A.J., Nick and Brian raised their heads, disappointed to see only Howie and Kevin standing there and not anyone who could tell them how she was doing. “How is she?” Kevin softly asked them. “We don’t know, Kevin. No one will tell us anything. She’s still in surgery.” Kevin sat down next to A.J. and sighed. A thousand thoughts on his mind, scared to death that she wouldn’t pull through. The woman he loved more than life itself, was now fighting for hers.

“Kev, Dr. Harris is about to tell us how she’s doing.” Brian softly said to his cousin after he gently poked him for his attention. Kevin hadn’t heard the doctor come into the family room.
“I’m so sorry. We did all we could, but we lost her. She passed away on the operating table. I am so sorry for your loss.” Dr. Harris softly said. “You can go see her in half an hour, if you want to.” He then left the family room.

The five men were shocked. Brian just broke down, Nick bit his lip while holding his best friend. A.J. cried without a sound and Howie closed his eyes and had a silent discussion with God. Kevin just sat there. He didn’t cry, he didn’t move, he didn’t do anything. Brian now turned to him and pulled him into a hug, crying on his shoulder. Kevin held his cousin, not shedding a tear himself. Guilt rushed over him. He was the one who did this to her, he made all of this happen. He couldn’t tell the others, they would kill him for sure. He just had to live with all of this for the rest of his life, which he hoped wouldn’t be too long.
“She’s gone, Kev..She’s gone.” Brian cried. Hearing those words come out of his cousin’s mouth, it now hit him that she was never going to smile at him again, he would never be able to hold her again while they were asleep and she would never have his child. “Owh my God, she’s gone.” Kevin cried out as he broke down. Brian held him as they both cried. Owh my God, I killed her.. Kevin silenty thought. I killed her.

Kevin wanted to see her, he just wanted to be alone with her for a few minutes. Dr. Harris took him to the operating room, where her body was still on the operating table. He told him that he could take as much time as he needed and let Kevin enter the room. Kevin still couldn’t quite believe all of this was happening. They had put a green hospital gown on her. She hates.. hated green, Kevin sadly smiled. It looked as if she was asleep. They had removed all of the tubes and had closed her eyes. Her beautiful eyes. Kevin could not handle all of this. He would never be able to drown in those beautiful eyes again. She could no longer run her fingers through his hair. He held her hand in his. It was already cold. Tears ran down his cheeks again, not holding them back anymore. He couldn’t believe he was in here, that she was dead. This was all his fault, he did this to her. He closed his eyes and just sat there, devastated. No more joking about his snoring, no more holding hands, no more making fun of Brian, no more.. No more..

“I’m so sorry..” he softly said.
“No, you’re not.”
Kevin opened his eyes and looked around to see who had said that to him. When he finally spotted the one who had spoken those awful words, he almost fainted. “But.. you.. how..”
“You did this to me, Kevin.” She spoke with hatred in her voice. “Look at me.”
Kevin couldn’t believe his own eyes, she was standing there before him. He looked back at the operating table, but she was still there. This cannot be happening, I’m just seeing things that aren’t there.
“Look at me, Kevin.”
He turned around again and now he saw what she was talking about. She was covered in blood, with several wounds on her head and upper body. “YOU did this to me.” She said as she pointed her finger at him.
He knew she was right. He had done this to her, she was dead because of him. “But.. I love you..”
“YOU did this to me, Kevin, you killed me.”
“I..”
“You did this to me, and now you are about to do the same thing to her.
Leave her alone, Kevin. LEAVE HER ALONE!!!” With those words he fell into darkness, no sparkle of light to be seen, hearing her voice, saying the same thing over and over again. ”Don’t betray me Kevin, leave her alone.”
Followed by Brian’s voice saying: “You’re dead to me.. dead to me..”

Kevin shot up straight, his body covered in sweat, tears running down his cheeks. The nightmare, again. I can’t help it, the feelings I have for her are just too strong. I’m sorry Stacey, I’m so sorry. I don’t want to have feelings for her, I don’t want to hurt her,
I really don’t want to love her. But I do.. I truly do..

Still no answer. Wendy sighed as she put down the phone. I wonder if something’s wrong. He hasn’t been around for days, hasn’t called either, even though I left him a few messages on his voicemail. I miss him. I don’t know how this happened, but I really miss him. She thought back to the night she had that terrible nightmare. Even though she was scared stiff, she enjoyed being so close to him. And for a moment she had thought he had too, but seeing him run off like that two days ago and not visiting her since, he probably hadn’t. She was still worried though. Kevin wasn’t the person to just stay away for no reason. She reached for the phone again, and dialed his number for the third time that day.


~~In Kevin’s bedroom~~

Kevin was wondering how Wendy was doing. Since the fight he had with Brian, he spent most of his time in the bedroom, thinking of her. He hadn’t left the house, trying to avoid everyday life. He even wanted to avoid daylight, keeping his curtains shut. She called him several times, but he never answered. He wanted to, but still never did, too afraid of what she might say. Brian had probably told her by now, and he didn’t want to listen to her yelling at him, even though she had every right to be furious. He made a promise, but he couldn’t keep it, which made him feel like a nobody.
He just couldn’t get her out of his head. Everytime he closed his eyes, he saw her beautiful face. He longed for her to be next to him, so he could hold her like he did the night she had that terrible nightmare. He really hoped she hadn’t had any since that night. Stacey had spoken the truth in his nightmare. He killed her, and he never ever wanted Wendy to get hurt again, even if this meant that he could no longer be her friend, or what else they could’ve become, possibly even lovers. He could not let that happen, even though he wanted to love her, caress her, kiss her, hold her hand, help her in every way he could, be there for her.
I want to hold and soothe her when she remembers, he thought.
Oh no! Brian told me that she remembers, didn’t he?
”She remembers, Kev. She..”
“Shut it Brian.”

“Owh my God.” Kevin cringed and held onto a pillow, trying to find some comfort for his aching body.
I didn’t give him the chance to tell me what it is that she remembers exactly. Maybe she remembers only minor details, but then Brian wouldn’t tell me that she needed me there. He wouldn’t say something like that for no reason or if she was only remembering small insignificant things. Please, don’t let her remember the rape. He thought back to the messages she had left him on his cell. She didn’t say a word about it, she never spoke about herself. All she wanted to know was if I am allright. I need to know. I can handle not speaking to her ever again, I just have to know if she’s okay.

Kevin rolled over and reached for his cell, when it started to ring again, which made him almost jump to the ceiling . He looked at the display and saw that Wendy was on the other end. He wanted to answer it, but froze, not able to move a muscle, because he heard Stacey’s voice in his head repeating the same sentence over and over again. ”Leave her alone, Kevin. LEAVE HER ALONE!”

About thirty seconds later, the ringing stopped, shortly after he received a text message, saying that he had a message on his voicemail. Kevin reached for his phone with mixed feelings. On one hand he was happy that he could hear her voice again, on the other hand he didn’t want too, because it would definitely not cause his feelings for her to fade away, which was absolutely necessary. Still, he checked his voicemail, as if he was forced to do so.

Kev? It’s me. Again. I hope you’re doing okay. I just wish you would return my phone call, if only to tell me that you’re allright. I’m worried about you, Kev. I don’t understand what made you run off two days ago. I’m not angry with you or anything. I just want to know what’s wrong. We need to talk, Kev. I don’t know, I don’t want to make you feel guilty about not coming over or anything, but I need you. I remember, Kev, I remember everything. Call me, okay? Please, I..”
Then Kevin heard a soft knock on the door, followed by his cousin’s voice. ”Hey sunshine! We need to talk about Kevin.” Kevin listened carefully, maybe his cousin said something else before she had finished her message. ”Allright, Bri. I..” All of a sudden Kevin heard a loud beep in his ear. That always happened when people left long messages, they only had a certain amount of time to do so. Kevin closed his cell and was mad at himself for not going by earlier. Brian hadn’t told her anything yet, and now that he would, he really couldn’t go see her. She remembers everything, he sighed with fear. Kevin didn’t realize though that it was possible that she just thought she remembered everything and that the guys had not told her about the rape.

”I need you..”
After hearing her say that with a slightly trembling voice, his body now ached even more. He needed her too, but after Brian had finished telling her what he had said, she would hate him, that’s for sure. That was exactly what he had wanted a few days earlier, for her to hate him, but now he wasn’t so sure. It was just too late now. There was no way back.

Kevin rolled over on his back, staring at the ceiling, his eyes filling up with tears again. She needed him, and he could not be there for her, because in a few minutes, she would despise him. And there was nothing he could or would do to change that. It was too dangerous. He loved her, but for her own protection, he could not go anywhere near her. He rolled on his left side, covered his face with his hands, trying not to think of Wendy, trying not to think of anything. A deep, loud and horrifying cry suddenly came out, filled with sadness and grieve for the loss of his friendship with her, the loss of his cousin and the loss of his other three friends. It physically hurt, as he cried this time. A whole lot of old sorrow surfaced and this was hurting him so bad that he flinched in pain. The last time he had felt this miserable, was the day he lost his wife. The day she died, because of him.

Brian didn’t want to tell her, even though he knew he had to. She had already asked them why Kevin wasn’t with them when they visited, but they told her that he just needed time for himself. And until now, she believed them. Leighanne stayed home with Baylee, because the sitter couldn’t make it. They hadn’t heard from Phoebe for a few days, and Wendy didn’t seem bothered by it, so they decided not to call her. Suzie was probably on the airport by now, she had a plane to catch and would arrive the next day. The other guys were waiting in the hallway, also scared of her reaction. They had again offered to be there with him when he told her, but he declined. A.J. was pacing up and down the hallway, while Nick was biting his nails. Howie just sat there, all sorts of thoughts running through his mind. When Brian finally found the courage to enter the room, he saw she was on the phone and could guess who she was trying to reach by the worried look on her face. He waited by the door until she got off the phone, then sat down on her bed and sighed.

“So what did you want to tell me about Kev, Bri?”
Brian didn’t know how to start. He was so scared she’d shut all of them out when he told her what Kevin said, he could not find the words to explain all of this to her. He just stared at his hands, not able to look her in the eye.
“Bri? Please tell me that he’s okay. You’re scaring me!”
“He’s fine, I guess.” He still didn’t look at her, too nervous and to scared of what would happen.
“Brian!! Look at me and tell me what’s on your mind. What’s wrong?” Wendy was getting even more worried by now. It was not like Kevin to act the way he had, but the way Brian was acting it looked like something was terribly wrong. And the fact that he couldn’t look her in the eye was really, really bad.

Brian finally looked at her, seeing she was scared. She probably thought Kevin was in the hospital or something. Well, if it wasn’t for Howie who talked them out of paying Kev a visit, he probably would have been. Brian still couldn’t believe his cousin had said all those things about Wendy. Those things were so far from the truth, and even though Brian told him that he was dead to him, that also was far from the truth. He kept thinking about the fight and wondering why his cousin acted so cold and distant. But after going over all of it for over a dozen times, he just couldn’t think of a reasonable explanation and this strengthened him in his decision to break the family bond. But still, he missed him.

“Brian! This is freaking me out, come on tell me.”
Finally Brian snapped back into reality and gently pulled his best friend into a hug, which confused her even more. “I’m so sorry, Wendy. I’m so sorry. Please don’t be mad at the rest of us.” Wendy didn’t understand where this was going, and the hug didn’t provide any comfort, it made her even more anxious of what Brian was about to tell her. After a minute or so, Brian let go and held her hands in his and sighed.

“Kevin and I had a fight a couple of days ago, two days after he ran off on you.”
“But why? What was it about? Please don’t tell me that you literally fought?!”
“No, we didn’t. Please hear me out, and please don’t shut me out. Me and the other guys are nothing like him.”
“Brian, please just tell me what happened.”
“Promise me.”
“I promise, now tell me!”
Brian knew there was no way back now, sighed again and began to tell her about the fight, keeping a close eye on her so he could anticipate her every move. “Kevin didn’t return my phone calls, so I went over to his place to check on him. I asked him why he didn’t return them and why he didn’t call you either...” Brian wasn’t sure how to tell her this. In his mind he had tried to prepare this conversation, but now he had no idea how to break the news to her. “And?” she asked. “What did he say?”
“He said he.. he no longer cares..”
“He said what?” Wendy asked her best friend with a soft voice, as tears welled up in her eyes.
“He said he no longer cares for you. I’m so sorry, sweetheart.” Brian held her tightly in his arms, feeling her body tremble. “I don’t understand either. I really don’t. I asked him for an explanation, but I never got one.”
“Are you sure he said this? That it isn’t a misunderstanding?”
“I’m sure, sunshine. I’m so sorry.”

Wendy couldn’t believe Kevin had actually spoken those words. He was the one that stayed with her for a few nights, even the night she remembered. And now, he no longer cares? She trusted him, she would’ve even trusted him with her life, and now that trust was shattered into a million pieces. Now she understood why Brian had made her promise she wouldn’t shut him and the others out. Brian let go of her for a moment, then wiped away her tears, meanwhile trying to think of something to say.
“Have you or the others talked to him since?”
Brian shook his head. “I..I told him that he’s no longer family. That.. that to me he no longer exists. And the others agreed with me on that.”
Wendy was stunned. “But he’s your cousin, one of your closest friends. You can’t tell him that!”
“I can and I did. He said the same thing about you, one of his closest friends.”
He saw Wendy cringe when he said those words and was immediately sorry. “I’m sorry..But you’re my best friend and I cannot be around him when he’s treating you like this. You’re more important to me, Wendy.”
“But Brian, he’s family. I’m ‘only’ a friend. I don’t want to keep you two from seeing each other.”
“You didn’t do that, sunshine. He was the one who did this. He is the one who’s acting like an asshole, and he is the one who broke our bond with his idiotic behavior. Please, don’t feel guilty, alright?” Brian asked her as he lifted her chin with his fingerm gently forcing her to look at him. “I’ll try.” Wendy was still in shock about the whole situation and probably the biggest blow was yet to come.
“Look, the others are waiting in the hallway. Is it okay with you if they come on in for a minute?”
She nodded her head, but as Brian got up and walked to the door, she called him back to her bed.
“Brian, please just hold me for another minute or so.”
“Sure sweetheart. Don’t tell Leighanne though, she might get jealous.” Brian tried to make her smile, but she didn’t. She was not even close to smiling and he couldn’t blame her. Brian sat down again, put his arms around her and held her tight as she softly sobbed with her head resting on his chest, feeling insignificant and unimportant, because the one person she had felt the closest with, next to Brian, had decided she was no longer worthy of his attention.

After about ten minutes, Brian heard someone open the door and turned his head to see who it was. A.J. was peeking around the corner, worried sick about his sunshine. Brian had been in there for over forty minutes and he decided he could no longer stand not knowing what was going on in room 358. Brian nodded and so he walked in, immediately followed by Nick and Howie. After they saw Brian holding her as she cried, they glanched at each other, knowing this wasn’t easy on her. They all needed to be there for her, help her through this and make sure she knew that they were not going to abandone her like Kevin had. A.J. sat down on her left side, rubbing her back as she was still holding Brian. She didn’t even turn around to see who was sitting there. Nick put one hand on Brian’s shoulder, the other on hers, letting them know he wasn’t going anywhere. Howie kissed Wendy on her head, whispering “I’m sorry, baby.” Not another word was spoken after that.

~~Earlier~~

She saw him go in and his presence irritated her. Maybe because he was always trying to be funny and obviously wasn’t, maybe because he reminded her of his cousin, who still hadn’t visited that bitch. On the one hand that was a good thing, because it meant that he definitely has no feelings for her, but on the other hand, she herself never got a chance to see him either. As she turned the corner, she saw the others as well, sitting there in the hallway, but again Kevin wasn’t there. She had had it with this nonsense. If Kevin doesn’t come over by himself, she just had to force him by hurting precious Ms. Hamilton. That would probably give him a wake-up call and then she would ask him out. Even though she thought it should be the other way around, she knew that Kevin would not ask her out. Maybe her beautiful appearance was too intimidating or something.
She would have to do it today, because Wendy’s transfer to Hope was scheduled for the following day. Debra got her keys and started walking towards the storage room where they kept all the medicine. Before going in, she checked the hallway to see if anyone was there, but it was empty, and so she unlocked the door and stepped in, knowing exactly what to look for.

“It’s okay, guys, really. I’ll be fine. Brian, you should go home and spend some time with Baylee and Leighanne. Give the little guy a kiss for me, okay?” Brian nodded, not sure if he should leave or stay for another hour or so.
“I wouldn’t mind staying, you know that right?”
“I know, Nick. But I’ll be fine, really. Most of my things are packed for tomorrow, and I’m just really tired, so I’ll be asleep before you know it. Just go home and escort the guys to the exit too, except for Alex. That is, if you don’t mind staying a bit longer?”
“Ofcourse I don’t mind. Now guys, she obviously likes me more, so get the hell out of here so I can have some quality time with the most beautiful girl on this earth.” A.J. said with a smirk on his face.
“Ewh Alex, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were flirting right there.” Howie laughed and hugged Wendy before he started walking towards the door, followed by Brian and Nick after they had hugged her too.
“Don’t be scared to call me if you need to talk or something.” Brian said before he closed the door behind him.

“So sunshine, why did you want me to stay other than the fact that I’m the cutest one?” A.J. smiled.
“I actually want you to go, and come back in about half an hour or so.” She laughed.
“Aww you can’t be serious. And now what do I tell the guys tomorrow? That you threw me out instead of making out with me?” A.J. pouted.
For the first time in days, her smile was sincere.
“Yeah I do, now go! Owh and can you please bring me a smoothie when you get back?”
“Sure, peach-strawberry-smoothie it is. I think I deserve a hug for it when I get back though.” A.J. smiled.
“You’ll get your hug, don’t worry. See you in about thirty minutes!”

~~In the storage room~~

She knew it had to be in here somewhere. Finally after searching for ten minutes, she had found what she was looking for: Xynelyxoniamide. This one would definitely do the trick. This was all his fault. She wouldn’t have to do this if he had just asked her out, if he had let destiny take it’s course. But by injecting this into Ms. Bitch’s veins, things were all going to change. For the better, ofcourse. Well, for me at least, she smiled, thinking of how she and Kevin would end up happily married and she would have his kids. Miss Bitch, on the other hand, might not be so lucky.

~~Forty minutes later~~

“Here you go, beautiful. One peach-strawberry-smoothie and I brought you a brownie as well.” A.J. said as he opened the door, carrying a paper bag from McDonalds for himself and a smaller one from a local store with her smoothie and brownie in it.
“Thanks Alex, you’re the best. How did you know I could really use some chocolate right now?”
“I’m telepathic these days. And besides, women always need chocolate.” A.J. winked, but then he noticed her red puffy eyes.
“What’s wrong, sunshine? Have you been crying?”
She nodded her head, not wanting to discuss this though.
“You should’ve called me, I would’ve been back before you knew it.” A.J. replied as he hugged her.
“I know, Alex. I just wanted to be alone for a bit. And besides, I would’ve missed out on the brownie then.”
She faked a smile and A.J. did the same. He hated to see her like this, and he hated Kevin for being the one who had caused all this.

After they had finished eating, she asked A.J. to sit on her bed. “Alex, will you please do something for me?”
“Sure, anything. Shoot!” he replied, happy she asked him for help.
“Can you please give Kevin this?” she asked as she gave him an envelope from her bedstand’s drawer.
A.J. sure didn’t expect this and he really didn’t want to go and see Kevin, but then he looked at her and saw the despair in her eyes. “Please Alex, I would do it myself, but I can’t. And I want to make sure he gets it.”
A.J. sighed but then nodded. “I’ll try honey, but he might not let me in.”
“Try to give it to him personally. Please do this for me Alex, it’s important. And please try to keep your cool,
I don’t want you see you tomorrow with a black eye or worse.”
“Allright, will do and will try.” A.J. sighed again.
He would rather walk to hell and back then go over to Kevin’s right now, but he could not say ‘no’ to her, he never could.
“Thanks Alex. Now come and get the hug I promised you.” She softly said with open arms. A.J. held her, thinking of just one thing.
Kevin will be so sorry for saying those things when I am through with him.

~~At Kevin’s place~~

Kevin got up from his bed and walked to the bathroom, almost scaring himself when he looked in the mirror. He hadn’t shaved in days, his eyes were dull and there were bags under his eyes. He hardly got any sleep and if he did, the nightmares kept him company, causing him to wake up about every hour. When he was awake, he kept listening to the messages she left on his voicemail. He loved listening to her voice, and just listening to it would not cause her any harm, so he considered this safe, even though it didn’t diminish his feelings for her. He worried about her and missed her so much it made him physically ill. Every time he tried to eat something, he threw up a few minutes later. Just as Kevin was about to take a shower, someone pounded on his front door. He decided not to answer it, but then he heard a familiar voice.

“Kevin, open this goddamn door!”
Kevin sighed, not planning on filling A.J.’s request.
“I don’t want to be here either, but Wendy asked me to give you something personally.” A.J. yelled. His patience was fading fast. That asshole, he thought. He was just about to turn around and give up, when Kevin opened the door. A.J. was shocked with what he saw. Kevin looked like shit! Even though he was still angry with him, he now began to worry about his former friend’s health.
“What is it that she wanted you to give me?” Kevin growled, trying to keep his act up for he didn’t want to explain his behavior to A.J. for he would not understand.
“What’s wrong with you, man?” A.J. asked him, startled with the angry tone of Kevin’s voice.
“Give it to me.” Kevin snapped. If only you knew, Alex, if only you knew what I knew.
A.J. was getting angry again, and he felt that he was going to break his promise to her. “Not until you tell me what’s wrong. You broke her heart, asshole. We spent the whole afternoon trying to reassure her that we weren’t going to abandone her like you have. She was inconsolable. I hate you for doing this to her. I HATE YOU!” he yelled. A.J. almost attacked the tall man standing in front of him, but was surprised by Kevin’s tired and soft voice saying: “Give it to me now or I’ll just close the door.” Kevin was exhausted and just wanted to get this over with. He needed a shower, he needed some sleep and he couldn’t handle the things A.J. was rightfully accusing him of. A.J. was so stunned with the sudden change in Kevin’s act, that he handed him the envelope without saying another word. “Thanks.” Kevin softly whispered as he closed the door and as he leaned into it, he broke down, falling to the floor on his knees, crying for acting the way he had. “I miss you, Wendy, I miss you so much.” he softly whispered to himself, running his hand through his dark and greasy hair, as tears were running down his cheeks.

On the outside, A.J. just stared at the door, all sorts of thoughts racing in his mind. Something’s seriously wrong with Kevin. There is more to it than he has told Brian. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days. I have to tell the others. He turned around and started walking to his car, getting his cell out of his pocket.
“Howie? Hey, it’s Alex. We need to talk...No, she’s fine. We need to talk about Kevin.”

~~~~

“How come you want to talk to me about Kevin all of a sudden? This morning you wanted to rip out his heart with your bare hands, I could tell by the look on your face when we were at the hospital. What happened?”
“I went over to his place this afternoon.” A.J. replied, looking at his friend whose jaw dropped.
“You went over to his place?!” Howie was getting worried now, because he knew for a fact that A.J. wouldn’t go over there just to ask Kevin how he was doing. He himself had thought about doing so, but after seeing the state Wendy was in this afternoon, he decided not to. They should all focus on her right now.
“No, we didn’t fight if that is what you’re thinking. When all you guys left, Wendy asked me to give Kevin a letter, personally, and so I did.” A.J. sighed.
“Go on.”
“Well, at first he didn’t open the door, and I was about to head back to my car when he finally did. He just looked like a dead man walking, D. Bags under his eyes, pale, he probably hasn’t had a decent meal or rest in days. And he could use a shower too. It was kinda scary, seeing him like that.” A.J. shook his head. He was not even near ready to forgive Kevin for what he had done to Wendy, but now he also was worried about the guy who saved his life when it was going down the drain. For some reason, he knew that there was more to all of this than meets the eye. “At first he snapped at me when I refused to give him the letter, but after I yelled that I hated him, he just sighed, asked me to give it to me, almost whispering this time. He looked desperate, D. So I just gave it to him, he even thanked me and just closed the door. It scared me to see the strongest out of the five of us that fragile, that desperate.”

Howie had already suspected that there was more to Kevin’s ridiculious behavior, but seeing how it was affecting Brian and Wendy, he had pushed those feelings to the back of his mind and focused on being there for the others. While his mind was processing what A.J. had told him, A.J. was staring at him, waiting for Howie to speak up, but he had no idea what to say.
“Now what do you suggest we do?”
“I don’t know, Alex. I doubt it Nick and Brian are willing to listen to what you just told me. You saw how Rok was with her. And Nick would probably kill Kevin if Wendy didn’t need him as much as she does right now.
We should try though.” Howie sighed. That sure wasn’t going to be easy. Not easy at all.

****

Dear Kevin,

I could start by asking you how you are, but for some reason, I already know the answer to that one.
I have one other question which I doubt I will ever get an answer to, but I have to try and get through to you somehow,
otherwise I will always blame myself for not trying to understand.
I by no means want you to feel guilty, sad, angry or whatever emotion these words might trigger,
if they even trigger one at all.

Why Kevin?
That’s all I want to know since Brian’s told me about the conversation you and he had.
Just why..
You are the only one that can tell me the reasons if there are any.
I hope you’ll be able to open up to me about this someday.
It might not be tomorrow, it might not be next year
And that’s okay with me.
I can wait.

If it’s something I said or did,
I’m sorry.
I never meant to hurt your feelings
Or cause you pain in anyway.

I want to thank you for everything you’ve done for me
I know it hasn’t been easy
You’ve done more for me than you can imagine by just being there
Thank you for being my friend..

If there’s one thing I believe
I will see you somewhere down the road again..
Until that moment arrives,
Goodbye, not farewell..

Wendy

Kevin closed the letter after trailing the words with his fingers as if he could hold her by doing so. At the bottom of the piece of paper, he saw some stains, probably made by teardrops that fell while she was writing him this letter. Her apology sent a shiver down his spine. She had never done anything wrong, except for making him feel whole again. Making him feel worthy to be loved, like Stacey had loved him before. Stacey..
Kevin sighed and closed his eyes. After thinking about Wendy’s message for a while he made a decision. He had to call her, he had to make clear that none of this was her fault. He had a whole lot of explaining to do. He wouldn’t tell her about his feelings for her though, that was still something he’d keep locked up inside. He decided to call her the following morning. Right now, he really needed that shower and a couple of hours of sleep, so he got up and walked towards the stairs, heading for the bathroom to take a long, hot shower after which he would go straight to bed.

~~At the hospital~~

She had everything with her as she walked up to room 358. The Xynelyxoniamide, a needle and a really good excuse to inject it was all she needed to make sure Kevin would visit Wendy again. She smiled with the idea that he would finally be her man, her husband in the future and Wendy would no longer be around to claim his attention. They would be perfectly happy, perfectly in love. When she approached room 358 though, she heard voices. It seemed to be the tall blonde guy, what was his name again? Rick? Nick! That’s it. When she walked by Wendy’s room a few minutes earlier, no one except for the bitch was there. Now the little brat was ruining her plan, making her furious. She leaned towards the door, trying to eavesdrop on their conversation.

“You didn’t have to come check on me, Nick, I’m fine. It’s sweet you did though.”
“Hey, I’m not here to check on you. Brian kicked me out of his house, and I was feeling lonely.
A.J. and Howie said they were busy with God-knows-what, so I had nowhere else to go.” Nick pouted.
“Sure, Nick.”
“Really! Rok kicked me out because he wanted to take Baylee and Leighanne out for dinner. So now here I am.”
“Awww poor you..” Wendy replied.

Awwwwww.. Her voice was enough to make Debra sick to her stomach. And now Nick was ruining everything.
She turned around and walked towards a rest room.
“I’ll be back, you little bitch. I’ll be back later tonight.”

“Don’t worry Nick, I’ll be fine. I’m exhausted.” Wendy softly said, followed by a yawn.
“If you want me to stay, all you have to do is say it.” Nick was worried about her.
What if she had another nightmare and there was no one to wake her up and hold her when she needed comfort?
“Nick, go home. Really. I’ll ask Katie for a sleeping pill if necessary.” Wendy replied.
“Really?”
“Really! I kinda understand why Brian had to throw you out, you just won’t leave voluntarily, will you?”
Nick stuck out his tongue at her, which made her smile. “Can I at least have a hug then?” Nick pouted.
“Hmm, let me think about that..” she replied while pretending to be in deep thought. But Nick didn’t wait for an answer and pulled her into a big hug. Then he grabbed his jacket, walked towards the door before he turned around and said: “You..” “I can call you when something’s wrong, I know Nick.” Wendy interrupted. “You’re so predictable sometimes.” She winked. Nick shook his head smiling and walked into the hallway while putting on his jacket when he saw someone walking towards him.

“Hello Debra.” He said as she had walked up closer to him. Nick didn’t quite understand what she was doing on this floor. She worked on the IC-unit and had no reason for being on the 3rd floor as far as he knew.
“Hello Nick. Leaving?” Debra replied while silently cursing him for still being here. She thought he’d have probably left by now. Nick nodded.
“So, what brings you here?” he asked.
“Well, a friend of mine came in with pneumonia earlier today, so I just came to check on her. Not that it’s any of your business.” She harsly added. None of this was his business, and she just wanted him to get out of here, so she could do what needed to be done.
“I’m sorry, it’s not. I hope she recovers quickly.” Nick said while blushing. It wasn’t really any of his business, and he should’ve never asked. He quickly walked towards the elevators, feeling ashamed of himself. He really was too nosy sometimes.

Debra let out a sigh of relief. Thank god she had made up this story in case anything like this happened. She turned around to make sure he was out of sight and then walked into Wendy’s room. “Good evening. How are you feeling?” Debra politely asked as she walked up to the bed. She knew she had to be nice now, otherwise Wendy might panic and call for Katie who was sitting at the nurses desk, reading files.
“Fine thank you.”
“Alright, before you go to “Hope” tomorrow, I just have to give you a bit of antibiotics, just to make sure you don’t get any infections when you first arrive there. You’ve been here so long, that just the trip to the rehabilitation center could cause you to get the flu. And we wouldn’t want that, now would we? It’s just precaution.” Debra watched Wendy carefully. She would probably buy the story, because she of course had no medical knowledge to that extent. And indeed, Wendy never questioned this. She rolled up her sleeve, waiting for Debra to give her the antibiotics.
“We have to inject this into your upper leg, it works faster that way.” Debra said, but the only reason she would inject the Xynelyxoniamide there, was because no one would notice the needle mark that easily. But again, Wendy never questioned this, so Debra quickly injected the Xynelyxoniamide, smiling that her plan had worked.
Wendy started to feel drowsy just a few seconds after the injection. “What...what’s hap..happening to me?” she faltered.
“Nothing, honey. You’re just fulfilling my destiny.” Debra answered with an evil smile, while looking down on her victim, her arms crossed. “Bringing Kev and me together, like we should be..”
Wendy wasn’t feeling that well by now. She heard Debra babble something about Kev and her and destiny, but Wendy couldn’t quite understand what she was talking about. Her words echoed as if they were in a cave and all of it wasn’t making any sense. She tried to reach for to the red button, but her arm was feeling too heavy to move it anywhere. So she tried to scream, but for some reason, she wasn’t able to. The only sound leaving her mouth was a soft whisper. “Katie...” Debra laughed at the sight of this, knowing what would happen next. Wendy couldn’t keep her eyes open, even though she tried to fight the sleepiness. But her effort wasn’t getting her anywhere, so she had to give in and close her eyes, scared to death of what would happen next. But before she could even begin to think of the possibilities, she drifted off into unconsciousness. Debra stayed for another minute, making sure Wendy wasn’t about to wake up anytime soon. Then she walked out of the room, making sure nobody saw her leaving.

Now all it would take was just a couple of hours before anyone noticed the state Wendy was in and no one would know that any of this happened. It would all be a big mystery. Kevin would come to visit Wendy, Debra was sure of it. And by the time they would be a couple madly in love, Wendy would no longer return to the land of the living.

~~The following day~~

“You keep me drowning in your love..” Brian softly sang while he walking out of the elevator, making sure the Elmo-balloon he was holding was right beside him instead of stuck in the elevator. As he stopped singing, he smiled when he found himself thinking of last night. It had been wonderful. After Nick had finally left, he, his wife and their son went to the park for a picknick. Everything was just perfect. His son fell asleep on top of Leighanne, with his thumb in his mouth and holding his teddybear, an hour after they had finished eating and he and Leighanne just looked at the sky while holding hands. He loved his family so much and now that his best friend was going to be transfered to the rehabilitation center today, the world would finally begin to make sense again. Well, for the biggest part. He missed Kevin, but didn’t want to think about it today, today would be a day of celebration, so he shrugged of the thought of his cousin.

He opened the door to her room and peeked around the corner, to make sure he wasn’t interrupting anything, but she was alone, still asleep. He tiptoed over to the bed, sat down, but she didn’t move a muscle, so he softly began to sing to her the way he did to wake up Baylee.

“One small voice.. can teach the world a song.
Start with one small voice, til another joins along.
And you’ll feel the music,
growing full and sure and strong.
One small voice can teach the world a song..”

She still showed no sign of waking up, which made Brian chuckle. Just like Nick, he smiled. You could set three alarm clocks, but he still slept through all of them. Looked like he was spending way too much time with her, she was taking on his bad habits. Brian shook his head, still smiling. “Weeeeeeeendy?” He softly said, but still no reaction. Brian looked at his watch, and saw that she was going to be transfered in less than two hours, and because she wasn’t able to pack up the last few things, he decided to do so. By the time she would wake up, or he had to make her, she could leave in under ten minutes.

But when he was done packing, she still hadn’t opened her eyes. Brian sat down on her bed again.
“Wendy? Rise and shine!” He increased the volume and tried again, but still no reaction. He now didn’t think this was funny anymore. He gently grapped her by the shoulders and shook her softly, but she didn’t show any sign of life. Panic came over Brian, and he reached over her to hit the red buttion several times. He couldn’t believe this was happening. Not again. He looked down at her, and noticed she was breathing. That was some sort of relief, but seeing her like this brought back memories of when he had first saw her after the attack. He saw himself in that room on the IC-unit, scared and desperate.
Those feelings were coming back at full impact.
Katie opened the door and as she and Ally rushed in, they asked him what was wrong.
Before he answered, Brian looked up to the ceiling, just one thing on his mind. Please God, not again. We can’t take this anymore.

“Brian? Please leave the room for a minute!” Katie asked him, but he didn’t respond. In his mind, he felt the same feelings he had felt the first time he had seen her after the attack. Fear, despair, helplessness. Things were finally returning to normal after so many months, and now everything just went downhill again. Brian felt paralized, scared of what was wrong with his best friend. He would not be able to handle losing her now that they finally had rebuilt most of their bond.
“BRIAN! Please GO!” Katie almost yelled at him, trying to get his attention, but he still didn’t show any sign of leaving or getting up. The door flew open for the second time as Dr. Greene and Dr. Lockhart rushed in. Ally grabbed Brian by the sholders, put him on his feet and guided him towards the family room.
“Brian?”
He turned his head and looked at her, no expression on his face, he appeared to be in shock.
“Brian, we need to let your friends know about this.” Ally firmly said, while she made him sit down on one of the chairs. He showed no sign of having heard a word she said. He just stared at the wall across from where he was sitting as if he was in a trance. “Brian, look at me! Snap out of this!” Ally gently forced him to look at her while saying this. “We..need..to..call..your..friends..” she slowly said, trying to make him understand how important this was.
“Give me their numbers, and I will call them myself.”
Brian still didn’t say a word, but got his cellphone out of his left pocket, flipped it open and gave it to her.
“Nick Carter, Howie Dorough, AJ McLean, Leighanne Littrell, Phoebe Davis.” He somehow managed to whisper. She nodded and for a second put a hand on his shoulder. “Are you going to be okay for a minute or so?” she asked him, but Brian didn’t answer the question. He just sat there, waiting for what the doctors were going to tell him. Ally felt sorry for him. She knew about all of the things they had went through since Wendy ended up in St. Joseph’s, and now this was happening. Sometimes life just isn’t fair, these people had been through enough, she thought while she walked towards the exit to call his friends.

Once she was outside, she walked towards the nearest bench and sat down. She searched his phonebook to find the names he had just mentioned to her, and Nick Carter was the first one she found. She pressed the dial button and waited for him to answer the phone.

“Hey Rok, what’s up?” he said, obviously in a cheerful mood.
“Nick Carter?” Ally asked him, just to be sure she was talking to the right person.
“Yes, who is this?!” Nick instantly became worried, because Brian protected his phone with his life, because all of their numbers were in it.
Ally was thankful he didn’t hang up on her immediately.
“This is Ally from the medical staff of St. Joseph’s..”
Nick interrupted her. “What? Is something wrong with Brian? What’s going on?”
“Brian’s okay. Well, under the circumstances. Something’s wrong with Wendy.”
“What? Something? What exactly is wrong?” Nick panicked.
“We don’t know yet, we just found out that she was unconsciousness. Listen, you need to come over here immediately. Brian needs you here, he’s in shock. I’ll call the others, just get your butt over here.” Ally firmly said, worried about Brian who was probably still alone in the family room. Nick didn’t respond, he just closed his cell, grabbed his carkeys and ran out of the house, worried sick. He couldn’t believe this was happening. She was supposed to be transfered today to the rehabilitation center, things were finally getting better, and now.. Now no one knew what to expect anymore.

“Hey Rok, weren’t you supposed to be with Wendy right now?” A man’s voice happily asked.
“Howie Dorough?” Ally asked.
“Who wants to know?” he replied, not wanting to give away his identity just yet.
“This is Ally from the medical staff of St. Joseph’s. Now who is this?” Ally quickly stated.
“This is Alex McLean, answering Howie’s phone. What’s going on?” A.J. replied with fear.
Ally was relieved to find that this was one of Brian’s friends and that he was with Howie, so she would have to make one less phonecall, which made it possible to go and check on Brian sooner.
“Listen Alex, something’s wrong with Wendy. We are not quite sure what it is yet, but you need to come over here. Brian found her unconsciousness and this is really affecting him. He needs his friends.”
“We’ll be right there, and we’ll pick up Leighanne on the way. Tell him we’re on our way, Ally.” A.J. closed his cell and saw that Howie was staring at him, obviously aware of the fact that something was wrong, for he had ended the conversation by saying a name Howie didn’t recall as a nickname for their friend. A.J. quickly filled Howie in as he walked towards the door, telling him that they immediately had to go. He grabbed his keys and they rushed to the car, not even bothering to lock up the house.

In the meantime, Ally tried to call Phoebe, but she was told by some lady on a tapemessage that the number no longer existed. She tried again, but got the same message, so she closed Brian’s phone and walked back in, making a mental note to tell them that they should contact Phoebe, for she had failed to. As she walked out of the elevator on the third floor, she saw some nurses rushing in Wendy’s room, hearing Dr. Greene yell that they had to intubate her immediately. She softly shook her head, praying Brian hadn’t overheard any of this. When she opened the door to the family room, she heard Dr. Lockhart yell: “Damnit, this cannot be happening!” She walked in, searching for Brian, but he was nowhere to be seen. Panic immediately came over Ally as she frantically searched the room with her eyes. Where could he have gone??

~~~~

Kevin opened his eyes and turned his head to look at the alarm clock that was sitting on his bedstand, showing the time in red bright numbers. Why did he ever buy one of those? It just annoyed him by remembering him of the fact that it was time to take action. Kevin closed his eyes and tried to ignore the fact that it was around 10am, because being aware of the time meant that he had to get up and call her. He knew he had to, but he wasn’t looking forward to it. For some reason, he opened his eyes again and just kept staring at the stupid alarm clock. And as the minutes passed, he began to feel more and more depressed. So yes, he would call her and finally hear her sweet voice again, but what could he say? He couldn’t tell her everything, not why he ran off on her and not why he told Brian he no longer cared. He surely couldn’t tell her that he loved her, wanted to be with her more than anything, share his days and nights with her, and even if he would ever dare to say all of those things, she would not believe him because of all the things he had said and done. To her, none of this mess would make sense.
Hell, it hardly even made sense to him anymore.

Kevin sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, thinking of what he would say to her. He knew he had to explain things somehow, but he had no idea of what to say to her to do so. He had two things planned though.
He had to apologize to her, for running off and not returning her phone calls, and he had to make it clear that none of this was her fault. Well, it was, but it was not as if she had actually done anything or something. And besides, there wouldn’t even be a problem if he hadn’t killed Stacey.
Stacey.. the one person he didn’t want to think about right now. But he did, and it was the same as always. The moment he thought of her, he could not get her out of his thoughts easily. He loved her more than life itself when they got married, he still did in some ways, but Wendy somehow managed to move into his heart as well.

Stacey.. Wendy.. Wendy.. Stacey..
They were completely different women. Stacey had long, dark, curly hair all the way down to her back and eyes as brown as autumn leaves with a hint of red. Those eyes could see right through him, see his weaknesses when no one else was able to, not even the guys. She always held him when he cried for the loss of his father. She never thought of him as weak when he cried, even though he felt weak at times for doing so. She could not make the pain go away, but she softened it, so that it was bearable. Meeting her was destined, marrying her inevitable, loving her indescribable. Being loved by her felt like being in heaven, like he could fly without wings. She made him feel like he was the most important person on earth to her, and he probably was. But then he lost his temper, and she ended up dead. Dead.. He didn’t want to think about this, not again, not right now, so he tried to to lose the image of her on that operating table, no longer breathing, her hand already cold as he held it in his.
Dead.. all because of him losing his temper.

Kevin opened his eyes, again facing that stupid alarm clock. It now said 10:34am, but he didn’t feel like getting up at all. He rolled over on his left side so he wouldn’t have to see the time and his thoughts slowly shifted over to Wendy. She had the most beautiful blue and grey eyes he had ever seen and her straight blonde hair rested on her shoulders. They had known each other for over 15 years and had always been close friends, all of them kind of grew up together. But when he got married, and he and the guys went touring all over the world, their friendship had lost some if it’s strength. Her and Brian only seemed to get closer, and Wendy became close friends with Leighanne as well. It wasn’t like Stacey never liked Wendy or the other way around, they just differed so much it was hard to become that close. They both found that difficult at times, not wanting to make matters complicated for Kevin, but he never had that feeling. He just thought he was blessed to have a wonderful wife and such a close friend at the same time.

He missed her, he had been missing her ever since he ran off like an idiot. The night he held her close, he had kissed her. At first he had tried to just get some sleep, feeling this wasn’t right. That he should not feel so excited about this, he had to keep his defences up. But as he felt her need for comfort, her body close to his, there was no way he could go to sleep and ignore her being there, holding him. So he kissed her hair. Not that she noticed, she was sound asleep by then, he made sure of that. He had kissed her hair several times, the flowery scent of it made him dizzy with happiness. He had ran his fingers through it, careful not to wake her up. If she hadn’t snuggled up closer to him, he would have probably tried to kiss her for real, but he was scared to death she’d wake up, so he just held her tight, feeling his boundaries fade and his heart open up as he fell asleep. And there Stacey was waiting for him, in another nightmare, telling him to back off and leave Wendy alone. That was why he ran off, he knew things had already gone too far by holding her all night.

Kevin sighed again, knowing that putting the call off wouldn’t change anything. He would still have to call her, so he’d better do it right now. The clock said it was already 11.23am. He shook his head while staring at the ceiling. Not just yet, maybe in an hour or so. First he needed a shower, a long, long shower. He slowly sat up, grabbed his bathrobe from the floor, got up, put it on and slowly started moving towards the bathroom. Once he got there, he avoided looking in the mirror, for he already knew he looked like a dead man walking. He dropped his bathrobe on the floor, stepped in the shower, closed the glass door behind him was about to cut on the water, when he heard his cell ring. At first he wanted to go and see who it was, but then decided not to. He was scared, what if it was her? He could not just answer the phone, without going over the things he wanted to say to her for at least another dozen times. Brian or the others wouldn’t call him, they had no reason to. For her protection he had shut them out of his life. If they only knew, Kevin thought to himself, while he turned on the water.
If Kevin only knew who had tried to call him and for what reason..

Howie closed his cell and sighed, softly shaking his head. ”Who did you call?” AJ asked, while having his attention on the road before them as he drove the three of them to the hospital as fast as possible. “Phoebe, but she didn’t answer.” Howie replied, but he lied. He had tried to call Kevin to let him know that something was wrong. Even though Brian would probably kill him for calling his cousin, Howie felt he had to. Even though he had no clue yet of what exactly was wrong, he knew it was bad when Ally called them instead of Brian himself. Brian never let anyone else but Leighanne and the guys use his cellphone, for he was scared that someone might steal all of their numbers and put them on the net or something. So if Brian gave his cell to a nurse they hardly knew, it had to be bad news waiting for them at the hospital. He stared out of the window, his mind on Kevin. He knew Kevin hadn’t been answering his phone in the last few days, but he had hoped that he would’ve now. Howie decided not to leave a message on his voicemail, he would try to call him again later today, when there was more news on Wendy’s condition. Ever since Kevin ran off on her, he had tried to figure out what happened in that room. Wendy told them that he just ran off, but something about the way she had told them was telling Howie that there was more to it.

~~~~

As he kept his eyes on the road, he tried to keep focused on making it to the hospital in one piece. He didn’t quite drive carefully this time, he knew he just had to get there as fast as possible. ”He found her unconsciousness, he’s in shock.”. Brian was a sensitive person, but in shock? He had only seen Brian in a state of shock a few times. The first time he had seen it, was when Brian was told that he needed to undergo open heart surgery and it wasn’t guaranteed that he would make it. The second time was when they found Wendy in the park a few months ago. He hated to see Brian like this, it made him fragile. Not that he thought there was anything wrong with showing your emotions, but he himself was always more comfortable to show anger than sadness. For some reason, anger made him feel powerfull, where sadness would make him feel weak and small. And seeing Brian cry or in shock, caused him to feel incapable of being there for him. He just did not know what to do, like Kevin.

Kevin.. he hadn’t thought about him in a couple of days, and he regretted thinking of him now. He just didn’t understand why he had acted like such an asshole. Kevin, his big brother, the one he always looked up to, fucked up big time, and now it was up to the rest of them to pick up the pieces. Nick sighed as he parked his car into the parking lot. He knew he should get out of his car and run in like crazy to find out what was wrong with Wendy and how Brian was doing, but he just couldn’t. He sighed and rested his head on his arms who were themselves resting on the steering wheel. As he closed his eyes, he saw her lying there in the park like they found here. There was blood everywhere and her face was almost unrecognizable, bruized and swollen. For a minute he was sure she was gone, but then Kevin had told them that he felt a pulse, that she was still alive. When she was in the hospital and Dr. Greene had told them that it wasn’t sure she would ever wake up, it felt like someone punched him in the stomach, and he couldn’t breathe for a moment, feeling like they were going to lose her this time. And when he just thought things couldn’t get worse, Kevin had told him that she was raped. At that moment, he felt like he could kill the one who had done this do her. But unfortunately, detective McGraw had recently told them that they had not been able to find out who had done this to her. Yes, they found DNA-samples, but they didn’t match to any of the samples in the police-database. They would not close the case just yet, but it was unlikely they would ever find the person who had caused all this heartache.
At first he was certain she would wake up soon, but months and months passed without a sign of her returning to the land of the awake. But she woke up eventually, thank God, and then there was another blow, the memory loss. They had finally overcome all of this, and now another tragedy. All of a sudden, Nick broke down in tears. He wasn’t sure they were able to handle a new one. The whole situation had been so tough on all of them, Nick was scared this would cause them to fall apart. Not them being friends, just as individuals. A few minutes later, Nick wiped the tears away and slowly got out of his car. He had to go in and be strong for his best friend, but how was he supposed to do that when he wasn’t feeling that strong himself right now?

~~~~

She knew they would’ve noticed by now that little Miss Hamilton wasn’t going to be transfered anytime soon. She was proud that she had been able to pull this off, but then again, she knew she could do it before she did it. No one would suspect her to have anything to do with this. Nobody had seen her leave room 358.
“You’re going to visit, Kevin sweetheart, I know you will. You have to, because we are meant to be together for the rest of our lives. We will be so happy together. I could take care of you when you’re on the road. And you would eventually quit the group, and then we will live happily ever after in our house by the beach. If you don’t want to quit, I can make sure you’ll have to, because then all of a sudden Brian will get very, very sick to the point he will never be able to perform again. I already proved I can pull this off once, why not make it twice when necessary? I’ll see you soon honey, and if you decide to be stubborn and mess with destiny, I’ll have to make sure Wendy will never ever recover again, just to make her pay for ruining my future."
And with that thought, she smiled as if she was on top of the world.

~~~~

He just sat there staring at his hands, not even sure how he got there in the first place. At least it was quiet, and quiet was what he needed right now. He could no longer handle the yelling and running around in the hallway outside the family room, so he just started walking and somehow ended up in the hospital chapel, sitting on the first row. He prayed everything would be alright, that she was going to be okay, just like last time. The two of them had finally re-connected when she regained most of her memory, retrieved the things that made them so close. Today was supposed to be a day of celebration, now it had turned into a day of devastation. He was mad at himself for not noticing sooner that she wasn’t just asleep, not seeing that she was unconsciousness. If it was too late to save her, it would be his fault. He was in there with her for a while and he never noticed anything was wrong til he tried to wake her up for the third time or so. Brian felt so guilty for not paying enough attention.
He looked up to the ceiling and softly said. “Haven’t we been through enough? I know You have ways of challenging us, testing us, but I don’t know if I can take it anymore. I’m exhausted, we all are. Please, I beg You, let her be alright. I don’t think we can face another challenge.”
By now the chapel seemed to spin to Brian, so he closed his eyes, but that only made things worse and he felt sick. He decided to just lie down for a moment, even if it meant he would be lying on a wooden bench, in a chapel. For a moment he closed his eyes, and that was all it took for the sudden exhaustion to take over and cause him to slowly fall asleep.

~~~~

She couldn’t believe he had left the family room. When she left him there to call his friends, he was in no state to stand, let alone walk. She had searched every room on the third floor, as well as the storerooms where they kept all the vases, brooms and such, but he wasn’t in any of them. She was worried, and had no idea where to look for him now. St. Joseph’s is a big hospital, so she could look for him on the third floor, then go to the fourth, and he could get out of the elevator and be on the third one again. This was pointless. And now his friends would be here soon, and when they would ask her where he was, she had to tell them that she had no clue. Ally sighed. Great nurse she was.. Losing a person who definitely shouldn’t be alone right now. Then she panicked and ran for the elevator. When the doors opened, she jumped in and pressed on the button that would take her all the way up to the roof. God, let me be wrong for thinking this. He wouldn’t, would he??

Nick walked out of the elevator on the third floor and headed for the nurses desk noticing there were two nurses he had never seen before sitting behind it. “Excuse me, but I just got a call from nurse Ally that something was wrong with Miss Hamilton. Can you tell me where I can find her?” The nurses shook their heads, one of them replied that she hadn’t seen Ally for a while. As he was about to thank her, a voice came from behind him.
“Mr. Carter? I’m Ally.” She was out of breath because she hadn’t stopped running around trying to find Brian, who was still missing. Nick nodded. “Please call me Nick. Can you tell me what happened?” Ally shook her head, nervously fiddling with her shirt. “Only one of the doctors can tell you, I am not allowed to as a nurse. But I can tell you that she was fine last night, and sound asleep this morning. Then Brian came by and he found her unconsciousness. Speaking of Brian...”
“Yes??” Nick interrupted her, scared of what she would say about his friend.
“I kind of don’t know where he is..” she softly said. Now he was going to explode, she was sure of it and she lowered her head, staring at her feet as if she was admiring her shoes.
“What do you mean?” Nick asked her, puzzled by this. Ally was relieved that he hadn’t yelled at her. Well, not yet. “When I had to go outside for a minute to call you and the others, I left him alone in the family room. He was just staring at the wall, not saying a word, so I figured it would be okay. But when I got back, he wasn’t there. I’ve been searching for him, but can’t seem to find him anywhere. I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay,” Nick replied in a gentle tone, and he meant it. “You had to call us, and you couldn’t do that in here. I’m sure you did the right thing. But now where could he be?” They both stood there for a second, Ally relieved that he took things so well, and Nick was trying to figure out where he would go if he was Brian. For a moment, his face lit up as he said. “I know where he is. There’s only one place Brian would go at times like these.”
Ally was confused for she didn’t understand what Nick was talking about. She knew their music, but didn’t actually know the guys that well. She didn’t know a thing about their habits, likes and dislikes and personal lives other than a close friend of them being here.
“Ally, where’s the hospital chapel?” Nick asked her, snapping her out of her thoughts.
“Ehm.. It’s on the first floor. When you come out of the elevator, turn right, turn the corner on your right, walk down the corridor, turn right and then you’ll only have to walk down that corridor, turn left at the end of it and you’re there.”
“You should hand out maps in this place.” Nick faked a smile. “Alright, let me see if I get this. First floor, right, right, left at the end of the hallway. Correct?” Ally smiled. “Correct. See, you don’t need a map. I’m sorry I can’t go with you, I need to stay here and wait for your friends to arrive, so they don’t go wandering about this enormous place as well.”
Nick nodded his head, turned around and slowly walked over to the elevator, scared of the state he would find Brian in. He just hoped the both of them could handle all of this and he would not snap at him like he did the night they brought Wendy in here themselves.

~~~~

Kevin had been sitting on his bed, staring at his phone for about ten minutes, before he finally picked it up to find out whose call he had missed on purpose. He knew it had been ten minutes and a few seconds, because the alarm clock made sure he knew. He glanced at the time it stated about every ten seconds, for no reason at all. He had to get rid of that ridiculous machine. His cell was somehow screaming for his attention as well. What was it with machines nowadays? Couldn’t they just sit there and mind their own business? As soon as those thoughts had slipped Kevin’s mind, he knew he was going crazy without her and his family, his friends. In his mind he was talking to stupid devices. He had to call her, but first he needed to know who had tried to call him earlier, when he was in the shower. He finally flipped his cell open, pressed a few buttons and saw that it had been Howie. He hadn’t left a message on his voicemail. Kevin sighed. He knew that he should call her now, but was still scared and nervous. He didn’t feel like himself anymore. He was no longer the person he knew himself to be, all that was left of the strong, trustworthy person he once was, was a fading shadow. He searched for her phonenumber in his digital phonebook and when he found it, he pressed dial after staring at her name for a few seconds. As he waited for her to answer with the phone to his right ear, he kept his gaze at the one thing he hated more than he hated himself at this point. The alarm clock.

~~~~

Nick slowly opened the door that gave him entrance to the chapel. He looked around, but his eyes didn’t find Brian. He sighed. Maybe he was wrong, maybe Brian was still wandering about the hospital. He decided to just go in anyways, so he could have a quiet moment to himself. He walked up to the front and then he saw him, lying there on the wooden bench. At first he panicked thinking that there was something seriously wrong with Brian, but when he realised he was snoring softly, Nick chuckled. The guys always teased him about being able to fall asleep anywhere, but now Brian seemed to be able to do the same.
He sat down next to him, careful not to wake him up just yet. He watched his best friend sleep. Brian looked exhausted, even now he was resting. Whatever happened today, added ten years to his looks. Nick closed his eyes for a moment, he himself was exhausted as well. Things were supposed to get better from now on, life was supposed to get back to normal, well as far that was possible with all that had happened. Now everything was uncertain again. No one knew what was going to happen, if she was going to pull through this time. They didn’t even know yet what was wrong, how she was doing at this moment in time.

“Rok..” Nick whispered.
The soft voice of his friend was enough to wake Brian up. He was a bit drowsy, so it took him a moment to sit up and be fully awake. “What happened, Rok?” Nick asked him while he glanced at his friend, who was staring at the altar in front of him. “I don’t know, Nick. I was here early, but when I came in, she was still asleep, or at least I thought she was. So I sang to her, but she didn’t move a muscle. So I decided to let her sleep a bit longer and packed the last of her things. After that... I sat down on her bed again, tried to wake her up, but she didn’t respond. Then I realised something was wrong, so I hit the red button. After that, everything’s just a big blur.”

Nick didn’t respond. He felt there was nothing he could say. So they sat there for a few minutes before Brian spoke up. “It’s my fault, Nick. I should’ve noticed sooner that something was wrong. If.. If she..” he stuttered. “Don’t say that Rok. It’s not your fault. We all know that she was exhausted yesterday, so it isn’t strange that you thought it just wasn’t easy to wake her up this morning. By the way we should get back to the family room. Maybe there’s news on how she’s doing.” Nick said as he got up, but Brian showed no intention to follow him. “Rok, are you coming?”
“Not just yet, I need to do something first and I was hoping you’d stay with me.” Brian answered with a hint of despair in his voice. He was scared to go back to the family room. He knew he would not be able to handle anymore bad news right now. “Sure Rok, what is it?” Nick answered, a bit relieved that he wouldn’t have to go back to the family room just yet. Like Brian, he was scared of what the doctors were going to tell them.
Brian cleared his throat, looking up at Nick, who was still standing. “Nick, will you please pray with me?”
Nick already had a feeling this question was about to come up, and he sat down again. “Sure, Bri.” He answered as he closed his eyes.
Both of them didn’t say a word, then out of nowhere he felt Brian putting his left hand on his right, looking for consolation. He could feel Brian’s pain even now he wasn’t squeezing his hand or anything. It just lay there. Nick felt Brian was scared that he’d get up and leave. Nick put his left hand on top of the Brian’s, letting him know he wasn’t about to walk away from the situation. In a reaction to that, Brian put his right hand on top, after which he softly began to pray. They prayed most for her to be okay, but also for the strength to be there for each other and Wendy. And strength was what they were going to need..

As A.J. was driving as fast as he possibly could, Leighanne sat in the backseat staring out of the window, seeing the trees going into a big green blur as A.J. kept his foot on the pedal. Leighanne was worried for both her husband’s health as well as Wendy’s. A.J. told her he got a call from the hospital, saying that something was wrong with Wendy, and that Brian had found her unconsciousness. She knew how tough these last few months had been on Brian. Ofcourse she was worried about Wendy herself, but he and Wendy had already known each other for about fifteen years. They grew up together, him looking after her when her parents had died and she was there for him when he found out that he needed to have surgery. It was Leighanne who had told him that she would end the relationship if he would put it off for the third time, but Wendy was the one who had discussed the issue with him for hours, when Leighanne had given up trying. Brian was a stubborn kind of guy, who didn’t want to let management and the guys down. In fact, in some ways she had Wendy to thank for him finally agreeing to the surgery. He didn’t want Leighanne to leave, but he also was so scared that the guys would blame him for causing trouble.
Leighanne sighed as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. At first, it seemed the guys did blame him, for they weren’t there when Brian awoke from surgery. Ofcourse Leighanne had been there, and after they had some private time together, Wendy had joined them. When she found out that none of the others had visited or at least called, she went into a frenzy. She had called a little meeting to discuss this issue, well, she had yelled at them for the most part. But it had worked. They were ashamed of themselves for behaving this way, and stood by Brian every step of the way after that.
Leighanne smiled. Wendy and herself became close friends after a while. So close that Wendy knew Leighanne was pregnant before she had told Brian. She never said a word about it, but Wendy could tell. How exactly? Leighanne wasn’t sure, but it had been special as she kept the secret to themselves for two days, until Brian returned from a few meetings with management. The smile on his face when she told him, it was priceless. At first he picked her up and twirled her around, but suddenly put her on her feet again, a worried look on his face. He told her he was scared that this could’ve hurt the baby. It took her quite some time and pregnancybooks to convince him that it was safe to hold her tight and such.

“We’re here, Leigh..” Howie said as he opened the door and helped her get out.
“I’m scared, Howie. For Brian too..” she softly said, feeling guilty that he was her first concern.
“I am too, Leigh,” he replied as he gave her a quick hug. “Let’s go see what’s happened.”
Leighanne nodded as she grabbed her purse out of the car and shut the door, after which AJ locked all doors with his remotekey and they walked over to the entrance of the place they had seen too much of lately.

~~~~

Nick and Brian had finally found the courage to get back to the family room, where they already found A.J., Howie and Leighanne waiting for anyone to tell them what was wrong. As soon as Brian saw his wife, he walked up to her and pulled her in a hug, while a tear was running down his face. “Shhh..” Leighanne whispered as she rubbed his back, feeling his pain in her heart as he sobbed. Just seeing her made him give in to his tears that had been hiding somewhere. He knew him crying made Nick feel uncomfortable when it was just the two of them. Not that his best friend minded holding him, but he knew Nick found it hard to see him in such a state. He had once told him that he felt like there was nothing he could do, which wasn’t the truth at all. This time it wasn’t as if he felt he could cry when they were in the chapel anyway, in there he felt like this was all a nightmare, that he would wake up soon, but he didn’t. He knew he had been in some sort of shock. Seeing Leighanne made him snap out of that for some reason.

After a few minutes he let go of her and sat down in the chair next to her, immediately grabbing hold of her hand. A.J. wanted to ask him what happened, but wasn’t sure if Brian could handle it. He waited for another minute, but then curiosity took over. “Rok, can you tell us what happened this morning?”
“I’m not sure, Alex. When I went in she was asleep, or so I thought.” Brian told them everything he had told Nick in the chapel, at the same time feeling the guilt rising up to the surface of his thoughts.

~~~~

No answer. Just now he finally had the courage to call her. Kevin closed his cell and put it back on the nightstand with a sigh. He wondered why she didn’t answer her phone. It wasn’t as if she was ignoring his calls, because he knew for a fact that hospital phones didn’t have caller ID. For a moment the thought of her being hurt crossed his mind, but he quickly erased it. Last time he had seen her, things were going great, physically. Maybe she had already been transfered to “Hope”. Maybe that’s why she isn’t answering her phone, he thought. If that was the case, he was happy for her. But what if that wasn’t the reason she didn’t answer his call? What other reason could there be.
He reached for his cell again, with the intention to call his cousin, when he heard his voice in his head, saying You’re DEAD to me..
He couldn’t, he could not call him even if his own life was at stake. He knew Brian meant every word, because of the look he gave him while he walked out of the front door. The look was filled with pure hatred, something he never expected to see in Brian’s eyes. A.J. had yelled that he hated him, and he knew for a fact that he was serious. Howie did try to call him, but never left a message on his cellphone, so Kevin was anxious to call him too. That left Nick and Leighanne. Well, Leighanne always stood by her husband, so he might as well forget about calling her. Nick was the only one he could call right now, for he didn’t yell at him or anything. But Kevin knew that Nick was most likely to be angry as hell with him too, both for hurting Wendy and his best friend. He was surprised that he hadn’t come by to teach him a lesson using his bodystrength to set things straight. Nick wasn’t the agressive type, but whenever a guy messed with one of his friends, causing them pain, he was likely to let you feel some of that pain too.
Kevin closed his eyes and rubbed his temples with his thumbs. He knew he didn’t have a choice. There was no-one he could call right now to find out if Wendy was alright. No-one, except for the hospitalstaff, he suddenly thought. He still had the card with all the phonenumbers in his wallet. He got up to search for it, for he didn’t have a clue where he had seen it last.

~~~~

“I think we should call him, Brian.” Howie whispered so softly that it was only noticed by Brian who was sitting next to him. “Hell no!!” he exclaimed, causing the others to almost jump out of their chairs.
”Hell no what, Rok?” Nick asked him, surprised by his sudden outburst.
“I just told him that I think we should call Kevin.” Howie now looked at the others, regretting he had said those words instead of just calling Kevin again after they’d get some news. A.J. stared at his hands, feeling that Howie was right. He kept thinking of the way his big brother stood there in the doorway, exhausted and suddenly looking so fragile after he had snapped at him only seconds before. He didn’t say a word though, not wanting to start a fight right now. He just wanted to hear thatWendy would be alright, and deal with the whole Kevin-situation later. So he kept his mouth shut.
Leighanne kept quiet as well. She knew the fight was affecting Brian more than he admitted. She knew he needed his cousin right now, even though the others were there for him as well. Kevin always stayed positive, well, he did before he just decided to no longer visit Wendy and no longer care for her. Leighanne had tried to figure out what could’ve been the reason for this big change, but nothing about this whole situation made sense. She had tried to talk to Wendy about the day he ran off and what had happened, but she said she didn’t know and that he just ran off all of a sudden, for no apparent reason.
“We are NOT going to call that piece of shit..” Brian spat out the words as if they were poisonous.
“But..” Howie tried to make his friend see this was something Kevin should know about.
“NOT another word, ANY OF YOU!” Brian yelled. “HE said HE no longer cared, so WE are NOT going to call him. I DON”T want any of you to mention his name to me EVER AGAIN!” Brian clenched his fists so hard the his knuckles turned white and his eyes spat fire. “He no longer deserves to know how she is doing.” He softly continued, thinking of her. “Please let her be alright..” he then whispered. Nick had been silent all this time, he silently agreed with everything his best friend had just said. “Please, let her be alright..” he softly thought as he thought of her beautiful eyes, her beautiful smile. After Brian’s outburst, silence was all that filled the air, together with tension and fear. They just sat there in silence, waiting for anyone to tell them that she was alright.

“Aren’t you going to ask me why?”
“No Alex, that’s not important to me. That you are here is. If you want to tell me why, that’s okay. If you want me to just sit here and be quiet, that’s fine. Anything you want, is alright with me. Except for making out ofcourse.” She stuck out her tongue at him as she had finished the last sentence.
For the first time in days, he laughed out loud. “Aww, come on. Even Nick didn’t want to kiss me..” he pouted.
“He DIDN’T? Now that’s a shocker.” She replied, happy to see that he hadn’t lost his sense of humor.
She leaned forward as she kissed him on the cheek. “Now that’s the best I can do..”
“Brian has told me that you can do a whole lot better!!” he smirked.
“And how would he know?” she giggled.
“He doesn’t.. well, he didn’t say anything. I just wanted to see if you’d blush.. Then I know something happened between the two of you in the past.”
“How many times do I have to tell you, Alex? Nothing has ever happened between Bri and me,” she replied while she rolled her eyes.
“Owh come on, you know you can tell me.” He chuckled.
“Alex, N-O-T-H-I-N-G has ever happened.” She giggled and shook her head.
“Come on, you were teenagers when you moved in with him and his parents. All of the hormones flying around and now you want me to believe nothing has ever happened. Yeah right.” Now A.J. rolled his eyes.
“Well...” she said while she got up from the bed they were both sitting on. She then turned away,which made Alex really curious of what she wasn’t telling him.
”See, I KNEW it!! Spill it girl, and don’t forget the details!!”
“Please, promise me you won’t tell the others about this..or I’ll have to kill you!!”
“Promise, now tell me!!”
“Well, one time, I was sitting on my bed, like you are now. And then Brian walked in, and sat down next to me, like this.” And she sat down next to A.J. “Then what??” A.J. couldn’t believe that she was actually sharing this with him. He had teased her about this about a 100 times, but she never gave in.
“And then he did this!!” She laughed as she pushed A.J. over while she started to tickle him and she didn’t stop until he begged her to stop for the fourth time. “Wendy...j-just..st...stop!!”
”Hmm, I didn’t hear that correctly I think..” she laughed.
“Plea...please stop!!” A.J. laughed while he tried to escape, but that was a mission impossible, for she was sitting on top of him. “PLEEEEEEEEEEAAASE stop!!”

Thinking back to those days made him smile while waiting for any news on her health. She was the only one, well next to her partner in crime, Brian, who had the ability to make him smile while being in rehab and therapy. But there was a difference between Brian and her. Even though Brian tried not to blame him, A.J. knew he did even if it had only been for a split second. And he couldn’t blame him for it, because they had to postpone the tour because of his problems. Wendy never judged him, or blamed him for anything. Maybe it was because she wasn’t in the business, or maybe that was just her. It was probably just her. Owh boy, she really had him thinking that something did happen between Brian and her, and he fell for it. He so didn’t see the tickle-attack coming, making it impossible for him to escape from it. And he really needed the laughter at that particular moment in time. And the hug she gave him before she went home, made it seem like things were going to be alright, even though he still had a long way to go.

~~~~

Dr. Greene was pacing up and down the hallway on the 8th floor, where the hospital-lab was, waiting for the testresults to get back. He didn’t understand what had happened to Ms. Hamilton earlier that day. Everything was fine the day before and she should be on her way to the rehabilitation center right now. It bothered him that he didn’t know what to do or expect at the moment. He should really go tell Brian and the others what had happened or how she was doing, but for the moment he didn’t know what to tell them, so he decided to wait for the test results. A few minutes later, Dr. Lockhart showed up with the tests results in her hand.
As she handed them to him, she said: “You won’t believe this.”
Dr. Greene looked at her, not knowing what to expect. He opened Wendy’s file and scanned through the test results, his eyes grew wide while reading them. He then looked at Dr. Lockhart.
“This must be the wrong results.”
She shook her head. “I made them doublecheck after I had read them.”
He just couldn’t believe what the results were telling him. “But, this doesn’t make any sense!!”

She knew that Dr. Green was about to get the labresults in an hour or so. And she also knew what he would find inside the file, what it would say about Ms. Hamilton’s condition. But Debra really couldn’t care less. She knew that injecting the Xynelyxoniamide into Wendy’s system had brought her closer to her goal, Kevin. He would finally come to see her, and whenever she would check on Wendy, she would see him. And in a day or two, she’d ask him out. She was almost a hundred percent sure he would accept her invitation, but there always was a slight chance he’d decline. He had messed with destiny before, so he could do it again, which would be a dumb decision ofcourse, because that would force her to take action. She wasn’t sure what kind of action it would be. It would surely mean that she would have to hurt him, but she hadn’t decided yet in what way. It could be her telling him that if he didn’t accept, Wendy was about to die pretty fast. Then after a while, Kevin would surely fall in love with her, and he’d forgive her for the blackmail. Or she would just have to make sure that he’d end up in St. Joseph’s too. But for now, Debra just thought about her future, he couldn’t say ‘no’ to her invitation, now could he?

~~~~

Dr. Greene still couldn’t believe what he’d just read in Wendy’s file. He looked at Dr. Lockhart who had also had a puzzled expression on her face.
“I don’t understand either, Mark.”
“We have to go and talk to Brian and the others, even though I don’t know how.”
“Neither do I. Let’s just hope they can cope with this.” Dr. Lockhart sighed.
“I agree. Let’s go..” Dr. Greene had dealt with a lot of difficult conversations, but he had never done one similar to this one.
He could only pray that this would be the last awful news he had to tell them, before everything was going to take a turn for the best again. They had really been through enough.

“What could be taking them so long?” Nick softly said.
“They have to examine her thoroughly, buddy..” A.J. replied while he put a hand on Nick’s shoulder.
“I know, but it’s been three hours or so.” Nick kept staring to the floor.
He thought of the night before, how they had been joking and how he gave her a big hug before he went home.
She was doing great the other day, and now..
Now all he could do is wait for anyone to tell them what was wrong.

Dr. Greene and Dr. Lockhart were now only a few steps away from the family room. They both didn’t want to go in there, but they knew they had no choice but to step in and tell them about the labresults. “Let’s be gentle.” Dr. Lockhart stated.
Dr. Greene nodded his head and softly knocked on the door to announce their arrival.
That caused Leighanne and the four men to lift their heads and see who was about to come in. When it was both Dr. Green and Dr. Lockhart, Howie knew this wasn’t going to be good news.
Dr. Lockhart began to fill them in. “Wendy is back on the IC-unit. We had to intubate her again, because she wasn’t able to breathe on her own. She is unconsciousness, and we have reason to believe that she slipped into a coma again.” She could feel the tension in the room grow and she worried that it would somehow come to an erruption. She saw that Leighanne and Brian were in shock, but from the expressions on the others faces, she could not tell how they were taking this.
Dr. Green sighed and then said: “We just got the test results back.”
A.J. immediately interrupted. “And? What’s wrong?”
Dr. Greene and Dr. Lockhart glanced at each other, not knowing how to break the news to them.
“Well??”
“I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but.. we don’t know.”
Brian just looked at Dr. Greene, not sure if he heard it correctly. “What did you say?” he softly asked.
“We don’t know what’s wrong with Wendy, Brian. The labresults didn’t show anything, neither did the scans. We did a toxscreen, but that came back negative. As far as we can see, it appears her body has no reason for functioning the way it does. We have no clue why she is in the state she’s in.”

”You WHAT?” Nick exclaimed while he jumped out of his seat, his fists clenched and his eyes spat fire at both doctors. He walked up close to Dr. Greene and growled. “You don’t KNOW?! She can’t breathe on her own, she’s in a coma AGAIN, and YOU tell me that you DON’T HAVE A CLUE what’s wrong with her?!”
Dr. Greene stepped back, his hands up in defense. “Not at this time, no Nick. But we will keep a close eye on her and won’t give up on finding a explanation or a cure.” For the first time in his time at the hospital, someone talked and acted so agressively to him and to be honest, he was scared.
Nick kept walking up to him, until Dr. Greene could feel his breath on his face and he had no choice than to look him straight in the eye. “Explanation OR cure? You’d better find a cure, doc. YOU’D BETTER FIND A CURE! That is MY friend you’re talking about, NOT some stupid object!! MY FRIEND!!”
Nick felt the tears sting in his eyes, but he didn’t want to cry right now, not in front of everyone.
”I.. I know how much she means to you, Nick.” Dr. Lockhart softly said. Nick looked at her, surprised by her words, but they made him only more furious.
”NO, you DON’T know. You don’t know anything. You THINK you know EVERYTHING, but you don’t know anything about us. NOT A DAMN THING!!”

Nick felt two pair of hands on his shoulders as he heard A.J. say: “That’s enough, Nick. Calm down.”
He turned his head and saw that he and Howie were the ones who held him by the shoulders. He shook them off and almost ran for the door. He knew he had to get out of this hospital for some fresh air and to let the tears and pain that he held back come out.
He heard someone yell: “Nick, wait!!” But he didn’t listen, he just wanted to get out of the damn hospital. Howie stopped A.J. from running after him. “He needs some time alone, Alex. He’ll be back. I’m sorry Dr. Greene, Nick just doesn’t handle bad news that well.” Dr. Greene nodded. “That’s understandable under these circumstances.”
“And now what is going to happen, Dr. Lockhart?” Leighanne asked as she felt Brian squeeze her hand real tight, as if that could prevent him from falling apart.
“We’ll keep examinng her, and won’t stop until we find out what’s wrong with her. For the moment though, we can’t do anything but search for other methods to find out what’s wrong. We’ll be contacting other hospitals, other medical staff and other medical libraries. Does this answer your question?”
She nodded her head, wondering what was going through Brian’s head at the moment.
“Can we see her?” he then suddenly spoke up.
Dr. Lockhart nodded. “You can go see her, all of you if you want to. And if you notice any changes whatsoever, or you even think you noticed something, hit the red button immediately or come get one of us. She’s in room 263 on the fifth floor. Nurse Debra can take you to her, but unfortunately I think you’ll be able to find her room yourselves. We’ll do everything we possibly can..” “We know, Dr. Lockhart. We know..” A.J. softly said while he got up out of his seat and shook their hands, followed by Howie, Brian and Leighanne who did the same. The four of them then walked over to the elevator. None of them said a word, for they were scared that if they did, the situation would suddenly become reality instead of just another nightmare in which they played the leading part.

Another update..
I'm not so happy with this chapter, but I just had trouble writing it and after struggling with it for 3 hours,
I just decided to leave it like this. Be honest when you review!!

____________________

Chapter 48 - A gentle touch

”Can we talk for a moment?”
“Sure, come here and sit next to me..”
He was so nervous he felt like he could throw up any second. He knew he had to do this, but he was scared at the same time of what her reaction would be when he had told her what needed to be said. He slowly walked over to the couch and sat down next to her, avoiding her stare by looking at the tv-screen in which he could still see her reflection. She was watching him, as she was waiting for him to open up. She didn’t pressure him in anyway, she just sat there waiting patiently for him to speak up. He knew he had to do this, so he took a deep breath and turned towards her.
”I.. I..need...to..” he stuttered, silently cursing for being so scared and acting like a five-year-old who had to tell his mom that he broke something very valuable. She put her left hand on his knee. “Relax, okay? I’m not going anywhere. Take your time.”
He took another deep breath, closed his eyes for a few seconds, exhaled and then looked her straight in the eyes.
“I’m sorry Wendy. I know I haven’t been friendly these last few weeks.” He knew he now had to explain why he had acted like an asshole. He had been avoiding her phonecalls, and whenever she was at home, sitting in the living room, he would immediately run up to Brian’s room, only saying “Hi” to her. It was impossible to avoid seeing her, because she was living in the same house as Brian, and he was there almost on a daily basis to practise singing with the other guys.
“To be honest with you, you haven’t been that nice, no..” she softly said.
He only now realised that he had probably hurt her feelings with his idiotic behavior and immediately felt guilty for acting like a nutcase.
“I know..I’m sorry.. I should’ve told you my reasons sooner.. I was.. just scared..”
“Scared? Why? What for? It isn’t as if I could actually physically hurt you..” She answered as she winked.
He snickered. In his mind he could see her trying to hurt him, which was just too funny.
“No you couldn’t. But still, I was or am scared.”
She just sat there with a puzzled expression on her face, waiting for whatever it was he was about to tell her.
“I think I’m in love with you..”He looked away, feeling his face turn red. He was so scared she would laugh at him, thinking this was all a major joke.
He closed his eyes and just waited for her to respond.


He was sitting on a bench near to the hospital, tears running down his cheeks, gasping for air. This just wasn’t fair. Why her? Why her again? She was about to be transferred today, she would learn how to walk again, and then they could start to leave this horrible period behind. But tragedy had struck again and anything could happen now. He just prayed that they wouldn’t lose her. They had almost lost her two times before, what if their luck had ran out?

The day he told her that he had feelings for her, about seven years ago, he was almost sure that she thought he was kidding. He was scared she wouldn’t take his words seriously and just pretend he didn’t say them, but she didn’t do any of those things. She was shocked at first, probably because it was the last thing she expected to hear from him after his ridiculous behavior. After a minute or so, she took his hands in hers, and asked him to open his eyes.


”Nick, look at me.”
He slowly opened his eyes, but was still avoiding her stare.
“Nick, please.” She softly pleaded.
Something in her voice told him that it was okay to look at her, that she wasn’t about to make him feel like a fool for opening up to her, for telling her how he felt, so he slowly turned his head, seeing her pretty face. The way she held his hands, it was gentle, a woman’s touch, not that he had a whole lot of experience with that at the age of eighteen. Even though she was a few years older, she was so more mature, probably because the loss of her parents a year before.
”Before you say anything, I know you don’t feel the same way about me. It’s okay.”
“I’m sorry, Nick.. I don’t.. I..”
He interrupted her. “It’s okay, Wendy, really. You don’t have to..”
Now it was her turn to interrupt. “Nick, I need to say this. No, I don’t feel the way you do about me, but I want you to know that I think you are a great guy. I know, this sounds corny, but it is the way I see things. You will find a woman who thinks you are the greatest guy on earth, who wants to wake up next to you every single day and who can always bring a smile to your face. It’s not that I think you are too young, too childish or anything like that. It’s just that I don’t want to be with anyone right now. I need to learn how to take care of myself first, need to deal with the loss of my parents instead of blocking it out like I’ve done these last few months.
Does that make any sense to you?”
Nick nodded his head, feeling there was more she wanted to tell him, so he just waited for her to say it.
“If you don’t want to see me for a while, I understand. I won’t call or anything. I just hope I won’t lose you as a friend, Nick. You’ve been there for me in more ways than you can imagine. Even if you just let me win a game, and yes I noticed, ‘cause I usually suck at most of them.” She giggled, which made him chuckle too. He did let her win a few times. It was his way of trying to make her feel better whenever she needed some cheering up.
He cleared his throat. “Guilty. I did let you win a few times.” He paused for a second, thinking of the perfect way to say this. “I don’t want to lose you too, Wendy. I promise you, I’ll try not to act so hostile anymore. Just give me some time, alright?” He knew he had to get over her if he didn’t want to lose her as his friend. And as far as he was concerned, her friendship was more valuable to him than the chance of ever becoming her boyfriend. He was determined to be there for her whenever she needed a laugh or a shoulder to cry on. But he’d need some time before he was going to be able to no more than her friend.


Indeed, he had needed some time, but eventually he was ready to be her friend again. And ever since that time, she could hug him, sit on his lap or hold his hand without Nick feeling more for her than just the love you feel for a close friend. When the guys were on tour and she joined them, she even slept next to him on the night her parents got killed in that car accident a few years earlier. She had just had a nightmare and didn’t want to be alone for the rest of the night. She had asked him a few times if he was okay with it, and he could honestly say he was. It no longer hurt him that she never had feelings for him in the way he had felt for her. He held her that night, feeling her body tremble as she was crying for the loss of her parents. He just let her cry, not telling her to calm down, because he knew that wasn’t what she wanted to hear. She just wanted to let her emotions run free and so he held her all night, being there for her without saying a word.

He still had a soft spot for her, maybe because she had treated him and his feelings for her with great respect unlike most people. She never said it was a ‘puppy-love’ or that he was just misinterpreting his feelings for something else. She treated him like a grown-up, something he had appreciated, because his parents and sometimes even his friends treated him like a little kid who could not make any decisions or whose feelings weren’t that important because he was still a teenager.

Nick wiped the tears from his eyes and then softly rubbed his temples. He felt another headache coming up, probably caused by all the stress. He looked at his watch and noticed that he had been out there for over an hour. He sighed and got up to his feet and slowly dragged them in the direction of the hospital. He knew he had probably scared the shit out of Dr. Greene by yelling at him like that. Nick hoped he wouldn’t run into the poor man in the hallway, because he had no idea how to apologize for his behavior. Right now, all he wanted was to see her and hold her hand in his, just like she had held his so many times before, with a gentle touch.

“Do you want me to go check on her first?”
“No, it’s okay, Alex. I can handle it. Can you honey?”
Leighanne nodded her head, but in reality she wasn’t so sure.
Howie found the strength to open the door and go in first. Brian then heard the familiar sound of the machine that provided her body with oxygen, it made a deafening sound when everything else was so silent. Brian turned around and walked away from the door. He didn’t want to go in, he didn’t want to see her like that again. All helpless, all communication lost. He could talk to her, but she could not reply. They could bring Baylee, but she could not tell him fairytales that her father had told her so many times when she was a little girl. He could tell a joke, but she could not smile. It was too much for him right now, so he felt he had no other choice than to walk away. Leighanne watched her husband go, and walked up to him, after she mouthed “Go” to A.J. who was still standing there in the entrance. He nodded and walked into Wendy’s room, closing the door behind him.

“It’s almost as if she is asleep.” Howie whispered. He was sitting on the left side of her bed, his elbows resting on his knees. “That explains why you are whispering, D. But you’re right. I’d almost say she looks peaceful, as if nothing’s wrong.” If only we could be sure things will be alright eventually, he thought.

“Honey, what’s wrong?” Leighanne softly asked as she touched Brian’s face. He immediately turned away from her. “What’s wrong? Don’t you think that’s kinda obvious?!” After he had heard the harsh tone of his own voice, he looked at her. Those words had been hurtful, he could tell by the look on her face.
“I’m sorry Leigh.. It’s just.. I feel her slipping away from us. We’re losing her..” Brian tried to get rid of the lump in his throat by swallowing a few times, but it didn’t work. Leighanne gently forced him to look at her as she held his face in her hands. “You don’t know that, honey. The doctors are not giving up on her. Why are you giving up on her right now? She needs you to believe in her, Brian. She’s a fighter, she has proven that already.”
“Even the toughest fighters lose at one point, Leigh. I don’t know, I can’t explain it, but I can feel her slipping away. She’s not going to win this fight.” Having said those dreadful words, he felt the tears stinging. Leighanne noticed and she put her arms around her husband, causing him to put his arms around her. He buried his face in her neck, let his emotions run free and cried. When he had calmed down, he somehow managed to whisper.
“I’m scared honey..I’m so scared..” Leighanne rubbed his back, not knowing what to say. There was nothing she could say to him to make him feel better at this point, but she had to try. “Honey, don’t give up on her..”
“Just hold me.. You don’t have to say anything..” he said as he held her tight. “Just hold me..”


”Who’s there?”
“....”
“Hello?”
“....”
“Alright,I’m not that scary that you can’t tell me who you are..”
“....”
“Okay, you’ve had your chance.”
Brian hang up the phone,then returned his attention to the tvshow he was watching, still somewhat wondering who had called his house and then remained silent.
Caller ID was handy for these things, but they didn’t have it. Again, the phone rang. He sighed and reached for it.
“Speak up, speak up, whoever you are..”
“Have you lost your mind again?” he heard a familair voice say.
“Hey cuz.. Did you call me, like two minutes ago?”
“No, why?”
“Well, the phone rang, so I picked it up...”
“So smart of you..” Kevin teased.
“Not funny Kev. But the other person never said anything, so I thought it could’ve been a bad connection or something. But shoot, why did you call?”
“I just called..”
“To say you looooooooooooove me.. Aww that’s so sweet of you.. I wuf you too..” Brian chuckled.
”Alright, somebody forgot their pills today..” Kevin chuckled. “No, I called to ask if you are still coming over to our house tonight with the rest of the guys.
If so, me and mom have some major grocery-shopping to do, since you always eat as if you haven’t had anything in days.”
“Yeah, I’ll be there. And I know you love to do grocery-shopping so I just made your day.”
“Yeah right, cuz. I’ll see you tonight. And please do me a favor..”
“Anything.”
“TRY to act normal tonight.”
“I’ll try, but no promises,cousin Kevy..” Brian replied in a Donald Duck voice. He heard his cousin laugh right before he hang up the phone.
For the second time, he turned his attention to the tv, but the show he had been watching had already ended, so he turned the tv off
and got up to get a drink from the kitchen. He grabbed a Coke from the fridge and walked towards the stairs, when the phone rang again.
“What am I? The Litrell’s House Secretary?”He softly mumbled while he walked over to the phone.

“Hello?”
“....”
“Hello, this is Brian Littrell. May I help you?”
“....”
“Hello??”He was getting irritated with the caller on the other end. He had better things to do than just talking to someone who wouldn’t say a word.
“Bri...” he heard a girl’s voice say, so softly that he could barely hear her.
”Who’s this?”
“It’s me..” He heard her say a bit louder, and now he recognized her voice.
”Hey girl.. Did you catch a cold or something? You sound a bit strange..”
“No..Can.. Can you come over?”
Brian looked at the clock, seeing that he still had a few hours before he was expected at Kevin’s.
“Sure, I’ll be right there. Give me a few minutes.”
“....”
“Wendy?”
“Okay..”
Brian hang up the phone, grabbed his jacket and keys, put on his shoes, wrote a note to let his mom know where he was and then headed for the door.

Ten minutes later he arrived at her house and knocked on the front door. It was cold outside for the time of year.
With these temperatures, Brian wasn’t so patient, so he knocked again. He heard someone on the inside unlock the door and then it opened a few inches.
At first he waited for anyone to open it even more, so he could step in, but nothing happened, so he pushed it open further and then stepped in,
watching her walk back to the couch.
“What a warm welcome.” He said sarcastically.
Wendy didn’t reply, she just sat down on the couch without even looking at him.
”Hello?? You asked me to come over, so here I am and now you ignore me. Nice..”
He didn’t even take off his jacket and walked towards her, determined to find out why she was acting like this.
He sat down next to her, but she didn’t move a muscle, just kept staring at her hands. “So, why did you ask me to come over?”
When she remained silent, he got irritated with her idiotic behavior. “Alright, I guess I’ll be going then.”
He shook his head and got up on his feet and started walking towards the door.
”They’re dead Bri.”she whispered.
At first he thought he had misheard what she said, so he turned around and asked her to repeat herself.
”They’re dead..”
He walked back and kneeled before her, gently forcing her to look at him. “Who?”
She closed her eyes and tried to free herself from his grasp, but he was stronger than her. “Mom and dad.”
Brian’s jaw dropped, not sure he had heard it right. “That can’t be..”
Wendy slowly nodded her head. “Ca..Car accident...”
“But how..” He couldn’t believe this was happening.
“They just told me..”
“Who?”
“Police.”
“Where are the officers now?”
“Station, I guess..”
“They just left you on your own?!!” Brian thought this was too crazy to be true.
How in the world could they leave a teenager alone after delivering such message and without making sure she wouldn’t be alone?
Again, she nodded her head. “They said they would be back.”
Brian got up and sat down next to her, put his arms around her and pulled her close. It was as if his touch brought her back to reality, for she totally broke down in his arms. She cried hysterically for over an hour with her head resting on his chest. Brian had no idea of what he should do. All he knew that he had to be there for her, because he was her closest friend in the world. He knew he had to call his cousin, he was counting on him to show up, but there was no way he would leave her alone right now. She had made him promise not to call and tell anyone else just yet, because she didn’t want to see anyone else. At this point, all she needed was his support, his love and his arms around her. “Sweetie, I have to call Kev for a moment, alright.”
“Don’t..” She lifted her head from his chest and looked at him.
“I won’t tell him, no, I promised remember. I just need to tell him that I can’t make it tonight.”
Wendy nodded her head and sat up so Brian could grab the phone.
He grabbed it, dialed the number and waited for someone to pick up the phone at Kevin’s place.
When his cousin himself answered, Brian firmly said: “Kev? I can’t make it tonight.... I’ll explain it later, okay?”
Brian looked at her, as she was biting her nails, he wondered what was going through her head.
“I have my reasons. Right now, I am needed somewhere else.”


“Bri, you should go home, take a shower, get some rest. The hospital has our numbers, so they will call if anything changes. Play with Baylee, spend some quality time with Leighanne, just try not to think of this place, even if it’s for five minutes.”
“But..”
“Go home, Rok.” Alex said as he pulled Brian into a hug. “She’s in good hands.”
Brian let go of A.J., looked at him and nodded. He then turned around and sat down on Wendy’s bed. He once again took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. He leaned over and kissed her on her forehead, trying not to hear the machine or to see the tube. “Love you.. Don’t give up, you can win this fight.” But the words convinced nobody in the room. He stood up, walked up to his wife and kissed her. “Let’s go home.” Leighanne nodded. She hugged A.J. and Howie, and placed her hand on Wendy’s chest. She could feel her heart beating strongly, as if she was trying to convince Leighanne she was not planning on giving up.
“You’ll be in our prayers, sweetheart. We’ll help you win this fight.”
Brian grabbed her hand and they slowly walked out, closing the door behind them.

“We have to tell him, D. In person.” A.J. said as he sat down on Wendy’s bed, stroking her hair.
“I know. But how are we going to? It’s not as if he’d just open the door and let one of us in.”
They both sat there silent for a minute, trying to come up with a plan.
“I have an idea! Last time I was there, he didn’t open the door at first, but then I yelled I had a message from Wendy, and then he finally opened the door. You could say the same thing.”
“Not bad, Alex. But I can’t yell I have a message from her, and when he asks what it is, tell him she’s in a coma. I can yell that there’s something he should knew about her condition though. That could work. I just wish he’d answer his phone, so I don’t have to stand out there yelling for his attention.”
“Wouldn’t count on it, bro.”
“I don’t. Listen, I wanna go over right now, can I borrow your car? I’ll drop you off first, go to Kev’s and return your car after that.”
“Sure.. Don’t you want me to go with you?”
Howie shook his head.
“I’d rather go by myself. It will be hard enough to talk to him then, it could be impossible to get him to open the door when he sees the two of us outside.”
“Makes sense. Let’s go then.”

~~~~

Nick waited outside her door for a moment to find out if anyone was still there. When he didn’t hear any voices, he opened the door to find her alone. The only sound he heard was the machine he knew far too well. When he got home the night she was admitted to this hospital, all he dreamed about was the machine getting damaged and her suffocating because of the lack of oxygen. He hated the sound of it. It made her seem helpless, which in fact she was at this time. He walked up to the bed and sat down on it, looking at her. This was heartbreaking, he could actually feel the pain.
“They’ll find a cure, Wendy. I promise you they will. We’ll get you back, just like last time. They can have everything I own to pay for whatever it is they need, they will find a way to bring you back to us. That is a promise. They will bring you back..” Having said those words, he knew he was only trying to convince himself. He slowly put her right hand in his left, then placed his right hand on top of hers. He closed his eyes and began to pray for the first time in weeks. ”Heavenly Father..”

~~~~

This was going way too fast. Maybe he didn’t even know yet. She got carried away, which is always stupid. Only amateurs get carried away when their goal is about to be reached. And she sure as hell was no amateur. The good thing was that it wasn’t too late to correct her mistake. She hadn’t given her too much, thankfully. Ofcourse she would eventually die after all, but not now, now was just too soon. First she had to make Kevin hers.
Debra grinned at her reflection, before she walked out of the restroom, pleased with herself. Making Kevin hers, would not be a problem whatsoever if he’d just show up. She could always give him another reason to rush over to St. Joseph’s.. Brian... She could always hurt Brian. She knew he was the vulnerable one who had had heart problems in the past. Just a bit of Zolaxide would cause enough damage to get him admitted to the ICU. One injection would do the trick, causing heartfailure and possibly even brain damage. Debra tried to wipe the grin of her face, but she couldn’t help herself. As she walked towards to the nurses’station, she could picture Kevin en her getting married, exchanging vows. That would be the happiest day of their lives, especially since Wendy wouldn’t be around to ruin the celebration. Before she walked into the nurses’station, she whispered.
“Life is so good when you know what destiny has in store for you..”

Howie parked A.J.’s car, and let out a deep sigh. He knew this had to be done, but he hated to be the one to do it. Nick didn’t know they had discussed the matter, and Brian, well, that was obvious. A.J. had yelled at him before, so chances were Kevin wasn’t even going to open the door for him, so that left only Howie to complete this task. Howie flipped his cell open and dialed the number of the guy inside of the huge house in front of him.

Kevin opened one eye as he heard his cell ring to find it’s location, even though he knew it would be on the bedstand where the alarm clock had once stood as well. But last night, he got so frustrated with it, that he threw it against the wall, leaving a little dent. There were pieces of the broken machine scattered around his bedroom, but he didn’t feel the need to clean up. Hell, he could hardly get up anyways. He reached out for his cell, grabbed it and looked at the display. When he saw it was Howie who was calling, he almost threw his cell against the wall too, but in time realised that if he did that, he could never again listen to the messages she had left him on his voicemail, something he still did everyday. So instead of throwing it, he gently placed it on the pillow next to his. He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He felt like he could finally go to sleep now, and that was what he intended to do, get some rest.
A.J. had been right about this. He didn’t answer his phone. Howie knew what he had to try next, so he got out of the car, walked up to Kevin’s front door and started banging on it. He could only pray this would work, because he didn’t want to just yell out in public what had happened to Wendy.
“KEVIN!! I know you’re home! Open up!”

Kevin again opened one eye, realizing he wasn’t dreaming just yet. When he recognized the voice of the friend who had also just tried to call him, he closed his eyes again and tried to ignore the way Howie was almost breaking the door down with his fists. He hoped he would eventually think he wasn’t at home, but it looked like Howie wasn’t planning on giving up that easily. What could he possibly want? He didn’t want anyone to yell at anyone again, nor did he want to act like he didn’t care. Kevin sighed and rubbed his temples for the eleventh time that afternoon. The lack of sleep was giving him extremely bad headaches, he was feeling dizzy most of the time and he had lost a lot of weight. Even if he was able to open the door, he wasn’t in any state to argue or act cold and careless.

Howie gave up the banging and prepared himself to raise his voice. He always hated to yell out loud when off stage, especially when it was about something as serious as this. But he knew his friend wasn’t going to open the door if he kept calling him without saying why he was out there. He took a deep breath and then yelled.
“Kevin!! We need to talk. Wendy’s in a coma.”

Kevin instantly got on his feet, the dizziness caused him to fall forward, but he was able to grab onto a chair, preventing him from falling on the floor. He stood there for a moment, waiting for the room to stop spinning. He knew he had to be more careful, otherwise he’d probably pass out. He slowly shuffled his way downstairs, unlocked the door and opened it.

Howie looked at his friend and was shocked at what he saw. “Jesus Kev..” He couldn’t believe his eyes. Kevin didn’t look like the strong man he used to be. He had lost at least twenty-five pounds since the last time he had seen him, Howie could actually count his ribs, because in the commotion Kevin didn’t put on a shirt. A.J. was right, he looked like he hadn’t slept in days, there were blue bags under his eyes, and there wasn’t a sparke in the eyes so many fans fell for. They were just dull, as if he had nothing left to live for. He hadn’t shaved in days, and by the looks of it, he hadn’t had a shower in a few days, his hear was so greasy. The guy Howie was looking at, looked ten years older then he really was, and so depressed it scared him.
Kevin stepped aside, so Howie could pass him by and walk in. Kevin slowly walked over to the couch and sat down. Howie followed in shock and sat down next to him. “What’s wrong, Kev?” he asked with worry in his voice. Kevin didn’t want to reply to this question, he just wanted to know what happened to Wendy, why she was in a coma, again. “What happened?” he softly asked, not having the strength to act anymore.
“They don’t know yet.. Brian found her unconsciousness this morning, they did all sorts of tests, but they couldn’t find anything wrong with her..”
“How is that possible?” Kevin could only think of her beautiful smile, feeling how his heart was breaking for the woman he had never even told about his feelings for her. He had hurt her feelings, instead of maybe warming her body through another night, soothing her whenever something was wrong, whenever another nightmare would wake her from her sleep. And now, he might never have the chance to do so again. He could feel his insides wrench, and he would’ve thrown up if there had been any food in his stomach. Since there wasn’t, he could only feel the pain as he gasped for air.

“Kev, what’s wrong?”
As Kevin took a deep breath which made the pain more easy to handle, he replied. “Now what will they do?”
“They’ll keep her on the ICU again, and try to get as much medical information and expertise as possible.”
Kevin nodded, feeling that it wouldn’t be long before he would break down, so he knew he had to make sure Howie would leave pretty soon. “Please go, D.”
“Not until you tell me what is wrong, Kev. You look so..so fragile.”
“Please D., don’t argue with me right now. Go. Thanks for filling me in.”
“But..”
“GO, Howie. Please..”
Howie got up, not actually wanting to leave, but he was scared that something bad would happen if he didn’t do what he had asked him to. ‘I’ll be back, Kev’, he silently thought to himself as he walked out of the front door and closed it behind him. “I wish I knew what’s wrong, Kev. Why won’t you let us help you? Why?” Howie started the car and headed for A.J.’s place, knowing that something had to be done about the whole situation before Kevin would end up in the hospital too. He already looked like he should actually be there..

Kevin felt like he had been hit with a sledgehammer several times. His head felt like it was going to explode and every muscle in his body hurt. All he wanted was to go upstairs and get to bed. Somehow he managed to get up, again shuffling his way to the stairs. His body longed to be in bed, and so that was where he was headed to. Even if he wasn’t able to get some sleep, he could rest somehow, or at least be somewhat comfortable. As he had walked up a most of the steps, the dizziness hit him at full impact and he could feel his fingers slip from the banister. His body had weakened to such an extent that he couldn’t prevent himself from falling down the stairs..

Brian walked into the playroom, planning on not thinking of the hospital he had decided he’d have some quality time with his precious son. He noticed Baylee had been building a tower, using colored wooden playblocks. But now he was just sitting there, staring at his babyblue trunk where they kept most of his toys. When Brian approached him, the little one turned his head and Brian could now see he was looking a bit sad. Brian sat down next to his son, picked him up and sat him down on his lap. “Hey buddy, what’s wrong?”
“Where’s auntie Wendie?” Brian was surprised by this question, even though he had been expecting it to come up eventually. They had taken Baylee to see her a week before she was supposed to be transferred, but after that, Baylee had caught a cold, and because Wendy’s immune system was still a bit weak, Dr. Greene had advised them to not take their son to visit her until she had been transferred. Brian wanted to be as honest as possible with his son, but he wasn’t going to tell him that she was sick again. “In the hospital, Bay..”
Baylee nodded as if he remembered. “Go see?” he asked his father.
Brian shook his head as he kissed his son on top of his head. “Sorry, buddy but you can’t..” He hoped his son would somehow understand, but he wasn’t counting on it. He himself hardly understood what had happened these last few months. “She not wuf me?” Baylee asked as tears welled up in his eyes. This broke Brian’s heart. What could he possibly say to that other than that wasn’t the case? He hugged Baylee and kissed him again, now on his forehead, trying to smile at him, but a huge lump in his throat made it almost impossible. He thought of a way how to say this so his son would understand, without making him even more upset. With a shaky voice, he somehow managed to say: “She’s just very tired, baby, like you are when you’ve played with uncle Nicky all day..” Baylee nodded. “Very t-ti-tired.. Like this daddy..” and he faked a yawn. Brian snickered. “Yeah like that.. So she has to sleep a lot.. Do you understand?” Again, Baylee nodded his head.
“Daddy? You read me like auntie Wendie?” Brian tried not to chuckle when he heard the request.
He must be desperate if he asks me to read to him, Brian thought to himself. Usually he finds that pretty boring, as he always fell asleep after he had read only about two pages to him. “Sure! What do you want me to read?” Baylee rolled his eyes, a trick he learned from Nick. Brian made a mental note to tell his friend not to do that anymore in front of his son. “Miffy, daddy.. Miffy in zoo!!” The father chuckled, feeling stupid for a moment. Ofcourse he wanted his dad to read him a “Miffy story”.. Ever since Wendy had introduced the little white bunny to Baylee, he was hooked. After Brian had put his son on the floor, he got up to get the specific book from the shelf. When he found it, he walked up to the rocking chair in which Baylee loved to be read to. Brian had a feeling that the rocking made him feel safe, because he somewhat had the same feeling. Baylee walked up to him and Brian put him on his lap. The son snuggled op to his father, resting his head on daddy’s chest. Brian put one arm around him as he softly made the chair rock back and forth. He misses her, Brian thought as he looked at his son, who was waiting for his daddy tell him the story on how Miffy went to the zoo and saw all the different animals. He misses her.. And so do I..

~~~~

“I’m not supposed to be here. I should be in jail where I belong.” That was all he could think of as he was standing there, with his friends standing close to him. Brian’s right hand on his left shoulder, Howie’s left hand on his right. The others were right behind him, trying to comfort him. They wouldn’t be here if they actually knew the truth. Well, they would, I wouldn’t. They’d never talk to me again. And that was exactly the reason he could never tell them, because he needed them. And now that she was gone, he needed them more than ever. They must have stood there for at least half an hour, when Brian softly said that they should be going. Kevin nodded his head, knowing his cousin was right. They should be going, but how was he supposed to leave?

“You guys go wait in the car. We’ll be right there..” he heard her say. Brian met haar glance and understood what she was trying to tell him without saying a word. He hugged the older man before he turned around and walked away, scared that he might not be able to handle this. The others followed his example.
“Kev?” she asked him as she put her hand on his arm. He turned his head and looked at her.
“We’re here for you. Don’t forget that alright. I don’t know, I have a feeling there’s something you’re not telling us. If you need to talk, don’t hesitate to call, alright?”
Kevin slowly nodded, knowing he never would. Not about this. That was just impossible.
“Listen Kev, this may sound corny, but it is the truth. If you need to talk, cry, laugh, or anything, doesn’t matter what time it is, call me or one of the guys. If you want to crash and burn, do so. You’re never alone.. We cannot make you forget, or make the pain go away, but there’s one thing we can do. We can hold you.”
Unable to say a word, Kevin hugged her, feeling as if he was about to break and let the pain get out, after he had been able to keep it in for a few days. They were all being great friends like they always were, but this time was different. This time, he didn’t deserve it..

He was sitting at the kitchen table, before him a bowl filled with milk and cereals floating in it. After he had fainted and fallen down the stairs because of his weak body, he knew he had to try and eat something. He had somehow managed to get down a few bites without throwing up immediately. He knew he should try to eat some more, but on the other hand, he didn’t want to push his luck. The bump on the back of his head felt sore, as well as the rest of his body, which had probably worsened by the fall.
He had to go see her. He needed to be there with her as she was fighting this. But how? Brian wasn’t going like him visiting her, and Kevin was wise enough to know he couldn’t argue right now. He had already waited too long, he couldn’t put it off anymore. Even though there was no way to tell if she could hear him, he had to tell her everything. Why he hadn’t been visiting her, why he ran off and even the secret he’d kept from all of them for such a long time. Kevin closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He had to find a way to go see her, hold her hand and kiss her. But right now, he was too tired to come up with any plans. Carefully he got up and made his way to the stairs again. He walked up very slowly, holding on to the banister tightly. When he had reached the top of the stairs, he let out a sigh of relief. He made his way to his bedroom, crawled in the bed, covered himself up to his chin and closed his eyes. For the first time in weeks, he almost immediately drifted off to sleep, getting his body the rest it so desperately needed.

~~The following day~~

“Who’s getting married, Debra?” Katie asked her as she saw the magazine her collague was flipping through. She saw all sorts of wedding dresses, white and coloured ones, with or without lace and some even had pearls embroidered on them. Debra looked at Katie, saying her best friend was going to be married, and that she had asked her to be her maid of honour. “That’s great! Wow.. these dresses sure are nice!” Katie pointed at a white dress that didn’t have any lace on it. It was a simple, but very classy dress, with a long train. Debra just smiled. She knew it wouldn’t be long before she would wear one of these dresses, that’s why she had bought the magazine, so she could already see what dresses fitted her taste.

~~~~

Kevin couldn’t believe he had slept for eight hours straight. The last time he had slept that well, was the night he was holding her, except for the nightmare that woke him up. Now he couldn’t even remember if he dreamt last night. Stacey hadn’t been there with him, telling him to leave Wendy alone. Somehow he felt guilty about not dreaming of her. Even though it were nightmares most of the time, he knew he deserved them. And seeing her in his dreams, she was still close to him, even if it weren’t in the happiest times of their lives together. He felt like he had betrayed her all over again, simply by not dreaming about her. It still felt as if she was his wife at times, even though she had passed away over three years ago. His heart was somewhat torn. A part of it belonged to Stacey, and it always would, but Wendy had somehow managed to move into his heart too, which made the guilt grow even stronger. He knew he had promised Stacey he’d love her until death did them part, but since he had been the one who had caused her death, it felt as if he should love her for the rest of his life, and not let any other woman close. But his feelings for Wendy were too strong. He could no longer deny them, he had to tell her how he felt about her, even though Stacey wouldn’t approve of his love for their friend. He closed his eyes and tried to picture Stacey’s face. At first it was hard, but after a minute or so, he could see her clearly. She was such a beautiful woman. He tried to picture himself standing in front of his wife, holding her hands and looking her straight in the eyes. Stacey just stood there, not saying a word. He knew he had to do this, even if it felt ridiculous, talking to your late wife in your imagination. He had to tell her somehow and this was the only way for him to do so. He told her he was sorry, but that the feelings he was experiencing were too strong to just ignore them. He told her that he needed to move on with his life, but he would never forget her or stop loving her. All that time, her expression didn’t change because Kevin didn’t want it to.
“I’m sorry baby.. I’m so sorry for what happened. But I have to try to let you go.. I need to move on. I won’t leave my memories of you behind, I promise. I need to start living my life again, holding you close in my heart for the wonderful years we spent together. But I need to think of my own well-being from now on. I’m not even sure I deserve to be loved again, I’m probably not.. Please forgive me..”

Having whispered those words, he opened his eyes again, feeling a bit relieved he had sort of explained these things to her, but still feeling guilty for what he was about to do. He knew it was time for him to take action. After having breakfast, which to his own surprise he had been able to keep down again, he came up with a plan of how he was going to sneak into the hospital, without being thrown out by his cousin. He didn’t want to run into him, because even though he felt a little bit better, he was by no means up to argue with anyone. The headaches still kept him company, as well as the dizziness, and he was always cold. After he’d carefully taken a shower and got dressed, he flipped his cell open and dialed the number he unfortunately knew by heart. As he pressed ‘dial’ he let out a big sigh. He had to do this, there was no way back.

“Intensive Care Unit, this is nurse Debra speaking. Can I help you?”
Kevin knew he had to say something, but it was as if he had lost his voice. He cleared his throat, and then replied with a quivering voice. “Hello Debra, this is Kevin Richardson, calling about Ms. Hamilton.”
“Goodmorning Kevin,” Debra said enthusiastically. She had been right all along. He would contact her, he would ask her out. Finally. She looked down to the magazine, and with her index finger, she stroked the page on which she had seen the most gorgeous dress ever. That one she was planning on wearing for their wedding. “What can I do for you?”
“Can you tell me how she’s doing?”
Damn, that wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to be interested in her, not in that bitch. But Debra held back those words, and politely told Kevin that she now could breathe on her own again, but that there was no sign of her waking up. “Debra, is any of the others with her right now?” Kevin knew that she’d probably wonder why he’d ask her that, but he had no other choice. He could only go visit her, if she was alone.
Debra didn’t understand, but was too upset that Wendy was the center of his attention again to ask him any questions. She hadn’t seen any of the others, but to be certain she asked Katie, who shook her head. She told Kevin that there was nobody with her at the moment.
Kevin let out a sigh of relief. He could go see her, hold her hand, kiss her, talk to her, just be there with her. It saddened him that she was still in a coma, but at least she did no longer need the life support. That was probably a good thing, but first he had to make sure Debra and the other nurses would help him out.
“Debra, can I ask you something?”
She immediately lightened up. This was it. This was her moment, their moment. The moment their future would finally begin to take shape, but that dream immediately got shattered as she heard Kevin’s request. Realizing that he would only come over if they’d help him, she agreed with it. And when he’d see her, he’d eventually ask her out, she was positive. Maybe he didn’t want to ask her over the phone. That was probably it. He’d want to hold her hands when he asked her. A smile lightened up her face again, as she turned her attention back to the magazine. In her mind, she already was working on her vows. “My love.. Us being together was meant to be..”

Kevin closed his cell, still feeling a mixture of emotions. A part of him felt guilty. She was fighting for her life, so how could he be feeling excited about seeing her again? She should be home, or at the rehabilitation center, anywhere but in that big grey building. But all he could think of was holding her hand and stroking her hair. He was afraid of what seeing her would do to him. His love for her had grown since the last time he had seen her, even though he didn’t want it too most of the time. But there had been occassions when he was glad to have those feelings, it made him feel human again. Like he wasn’t some kind of robot, but a human being, with emotions, a beating heart in his chest, not a granite one when it came to feelings of love. He was scared of what he’d feel while walking into her room, seeing her again after all this time. Maybe it’d all be too much for him to handle, or maybe he wouldn’t feel anything at all. The latter scared him the most, that’d mean he had forgotten how to love again, just as he had learned how to get in touch with his feelings after all this time. He didn’t want to be in the dark all over again. Being able to see nothing but darkness for three years had changed him into a person that scared him even more than the person he was when he killed Stacey. Kevin let out a big sigh as he raked his hands through his hair. He had killed one of the women he loved so deeply.. There was no way of telling that wouldn’t happen all over again.

“Thanks again for helping me out, Debra. I really appreciate it.”
Debra looked at the man she adored. “Sure, Kevin. I’d do anything to help you out, even though I must say I don’t quite understand why you asked us to make sure the others don’t see you here.”
“It’s complicated.” He let out a sigh. “Let’s just say they aren’t too fond of me right now.”
Debra could only think of one thing when she listened to his minor explanation. If the others were giving him any trouble whatsoever, she could make sure that they would never be in his face again. What were they thinking? That they could hurt Kevin and just get away with it? When they got to Wendy’s room, he thanked her. In response, she smiled at him before she turned around and walked back to the desk. She sat down and took a sip of her peppermint & cammomille tea. When he got back, he would ask her out, she just knew it. When she looked him in the eyes, she could see the love he felt for her. Seeing Wendy was probably just for show, to calm his nerves down. She had already explained the situation to Katie, Ally and Rose, the other nurses on duty, and made it clear that no-one could go see Wendy as long as Kevin was with her. The others asked her why, and she replied that wasn’t important. She then turned her attention back to the magazine she had brought with her that day, again flipping through the pages, searching for the perfect suit for her husband-to-be, to go with her dress.

At first he just stood there, staring at the door, too scared to go in. He was scared of his own feelings and what seeing her again would do to him. He knew he was still weak and didn’t want to have a mental breakdown. Realising that just standing there wouldn’t solve any of his problems, he finally turned the doorknob, walking in as he opened the door, then closing it behind him. While walking over to her right, he avoided to look up until he was sitting in the uncomfortable white chair. He then lifted his head and looked at her. It was as if she was asleep. Maybe it was his imagination, but it was as if she had a smile on her face. If he didn’t know any better, he’d think she was dreaming of happy things, of life being normal or something like that. He gently placed his right hand on hers, feeling the warmth made him shiver. Her touch made everything seem so real and unreal at the same time. The love he had for her, was still there, possibly even evolved into something bigger than a simple crush. The last time he had seen her, she was talking, joking around, holding his hand. Now, she was asleep, well, in a coma, again. But he prefered to call it ‘sleeping’, because that sounded as if everything was going to be allright eventually. She would be, she had to get through this. He needed her, he couldn’t bare to lose the second love of his life. Her body warmth, lifted the cold from his own body, melting the last of his defenses.

He felt the tears working their way up, but he didn’t want to have a hysterical moment, so he tried everything in his power to hold them back. Then he cleared his throat, closed his eyes for a brief moment, trying to think of a way to say these things, explain his behavior to her, apologize and be honest for once. Even though there was no way of knowing she’d hear him, he knew he had to do this. He opened his eyes, gently squeezed her hand with his right, and stroked her hair with his other. “Hi We-Wendy..” he stuttered. “I-I need to...I..” He let out a huge sigh, took a deep breath and started over. “Hi Wendy, I need to.. I..” He couldn’t do this, he wasn’t strong enough. His hand trembled as he touched her cheek, trying to somehow find the courage to speak.

~~~~

Brian felt as if things were a little bit better when Ally called him this morning. She had told him that Wendy no longer needed the life support, well, as far as the oxygen goes. She could breathe on her own again, which was a good sign. She also told him not to tell anyone else, because she was risking her job by telling him this. Nurses weren’t allowed to share any patient information, not even with family, so he promised her he wouldn’t. He told Leighanne that he was going over to see her, but left this particular information out. As he got off the elevator he found himself whistling the tune from “I’ll never break your heart”. He turned the corner and walked up to the nurses’desk, where he found Debra.

“Good morning Debra. Is Ally around somewhere?”
“Well good morning to you too, Brian. She’s taking care of a patient right now, why?”
“Owh nothing.. Well I guess I’ll be going that way then.” He pointed in the direction of Wendy’s room, but before he could set a foot in that direction, Debra was standing before him, with her arms crossed in front of her body. "You can't go in Brian."
"Why not? What's wrong, Debra?"
Brian knew that he could not handle it if her condition had worsened again. Everytime they had a talk with Dr. Greene, he told them she wasn’t doing any better, and everytime Brian heard that, he felt like he was losing a part of himself. A part of his past, in which she played such an important part. And now this morning, he finally had been told some good news, he wouldn’t handle it well if she had gotten weaker again.
Debra looked angry, annoyed with the fact that he didn’t just listen to what she was telling him.
"You just can't alright. Trust me on this."
"What is it? Why can't I go see her? Is Dr. Greene with her?"
When it took her too long to reply, he knew something was wrong. He stepped forward, but Debra stood in his way, and made it impossible for him to pass her by. When he took a step to the left, she took one to the right, and so on. Then Brian did something he never really didn't want to do. He roughly shoved her aside and almost ran for the door to Wendy's room, dying to find out what had happened this time. Debra yelled “STOP!”, but he didn’t listen and she didn’t run after him, because she knew there was nothing she could do now to stop him from entering that room.

With his hand already resting on the doorknob, he realized he heard someone talking on the inside. A familiar voice. Anger began to grow inside of him, but when Brian realised Kevin was crying his heart out hysterically, the anger subsided. He had only witnessed that once, the day his uncle, Kevin’s father, passed way. The sound of him crying, stopped Brian in his tracks, leaving him no choice than to listen to his cousin, knowing something serious was going on inside room 263.

”A penny for your thoughts..”
He almost jumped from his seat as she put her hands on his shoulders. He turned his head and looked at her, not saying a word for almost a minute, after which he simply replied “Was just thinking.”
“I noticed that, silly. What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing.”
“Yeah right, so you were thinking of nothing. That explains why you haven’t heard I thing I said in the last half hour or so. Define nothing, Howie.”
“Nothing, alright. Just drop it.” He snapped at her, knowing he shouldn’t. She lifted her hands from his shoulders and held them up in defense. “Alright, so nothing it is.”


A knock on the door brought him back to reality. He got on his feet and walked over to the door, but whoever it was, wasn’t that patient, because the person on the other side knocked again, now almost breaking the door down. “I’m almost rooted out on your front porch, open this door already.. Geez..” He chuckled as he got his jacket and keys before opening the door. “What took you so long man..” He rolled his eyes at the guy and chuckled. “Let’s just go alright.”


She plopped down on the couch next to him, snapping him back to reality.
”Do you now want to tell me what’s on your mind?”
He looked at her and a little smile danced onto his face. “You know, you’re starting to act like Kevin.”
She giggled and rolled her eyes at him. “Thanks a lot, D.”
“Anytime girl..” He no longer was smiling, instead sadness was displayed on his face.
“So? What is going on in that head of yours?”
“Please, Wendy, drop it. It’s just.. stupid..”
“Great, I love stupid stories. I would ask Nick to open his mouth and just talk, but since he’s not here, tell me your stupid story..
You’re probably not as good as him, but hey, give it a shot. Entertain me!”
Howie wasn’t even close to smiling and let out a big sigh. “It’s just..” but his voice trailed off, back to the thoughts that plagued him.
She knew he was thinking of something serious, his eyes gave him away, so she leaned forward and gently pulled him into a hug. “Tell me, Howie.”


“What are you thinking of, D.?”
“Nothing, Alex. Just memories.”
“Memories.. of what?”
“Us, how things were before all of this shit happened.”
A.J. nodded in response, not knowing how to respond to this. He then turned his attention the road before him.


”It’s just.. I miss her..”
“Ofcourse you miss her.”
“I.. I don’t know.. Sometimes I just feel like I should be over it by now.” He shrugged. Wendy shook her head at those words. “Howie, it’s only been three months.” “I know..” he choked out, then the tears began to stream down his face, while at the same time he was mad for letting his feelings get to him.
“It’s just.. people sometimes tell me that I shouldn’t be so depressed all the time..”
“Who’s saying that? One of the guys?” she sounded angry. He shook his head. “Listen D., it’s not important what other people think, alright? Well, except for me ofcourse.” She smiled at him. “Just kidding. But really Howie, no one has the right to tell you when you have to be over it or anything like that. It’s your feelings.. not theirs..”


“D., we’re here.. Time to get that Latino ass of yours out of my car!” A.J. yelled as he yanked the door on the passenger side open. Howie looked at him and smiled. Sometimes Alex was just a crazy guy, or a freak as they often called him playfully. He got out of the car, then pulled A.J. into a hug, who was surprised at the gesture and didn’t understand why he suddenly felt his friends grasp.
“D.. what did I do to deserve this man?” he laughed and hugged his friend back. “Nothing, Jay.. Nothing..”


”Look at me. It’s pathetic.”
“What is?”
“This.. crying my eyes out. I look like an idiot and feel like one too.”
“Howie, all I see is a man who is grieving for the loss of his sister. A man in pain, which is perfectly understandable. Heck, it’s normal to not being able to see the silver lining right now. She was taken away from you and your family without any of you being able to do anything about it. Just remember that you don’t have to go through this alone. We are all here for you, but you have to let us in instead of shutting us out as you’ve been doing for the last couple of weeks, okay?” He nodded slowly. “ Now come here and let me give you one of my famous hugs. Just don’t blow your nose in this shirt, alright? It’s Brian’s.. owh what the hell.. use it.. he’ll be sooo pissed when he finds out, it’s gonna be funny, with the accent and all.” Howie sincerely chuckled, feeling calmer now and realizing his feelings were normal. Deep down he knew they were, but hearing someone say it, made him actually believe it. He hugged his friend and imagined Brian ranting abou strange stains in his shirt..


The two men headed for the hospital entrance, hesitant to actually go in. Not knowing if there would be good or bad news waiting for them, made them wanting to remain in the unknown for just a little bit longer. A.J. glanced at Howie. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”
“I don’t know, Alex.. you are the pervert, so I guess not.”
“Hey dude!” A.J. snickered as he hit Howie on the head. “I was thinking about taking a little walk in the hospital garden before we go in.” He put on his sunglasses to protect his eyes from the sunlight. “Sounds like an idea to me.” Howie said as he turned left, towards the garden, followed by A.J. who looked up to the fifth floor of the hospital, thinking of her. The thought of losing her, made him shiver, feeling as if a part of him would die with her. He immediately was angry with himself for thinking those thoughts. She would get through this, she had too. God could not take her away from them right now, not now it felt like the group was falling apart with Kevin acting so strangely, Nick seemed to be going through a small depression, and Brian suddenly acting so hostile towards his cousin and sometimes even towards Leighanne. They really needed a break, a chance to bond again, but it didn’t seem like something like that was going to happen soon. And indeed, it wasn’t...

~~~~

After he said ‘hi’ to her, he had a small breakdown, bursting into tears. He felt the love for her was still there, and that was scaring him. On one hand, he was glad he still knew how to feel anything, on the other, there was a chance he’d lose her too. As he looked at her pretty face, he knew he wouldn’t be able to take that. Kevin was now fighting to hold back the tears, but seeing her so vulnerable and him being helpless to do anything that would help her get better, wasn’t making things easier to handle. He remembered the night he held her, feeling how she was calming him down, by doing nothing more than snuggling up to him. Now seeing her, made him upset. He wanted to lay down next to her, hold her, try to get back the safe feeling he had that night, but he knew he couldn’t. Since it wasn’t clear yet what was wrong, he could harm her by moving her. He had no choice than to sit next to her, hold her hand and start his explanation all over again. If only he knew how to start this time, what to say and how not to break down.

He subconsciously licked his lips, took a deep sigh and began to speak out the things he had been holding in for way too long. “Wendy.. there are some things I need to tell you.. I’m not sure you can hear me, but.. I-I.. need to tell you anyway. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I fled that day.” This was harder than he had imagined it to be, but he wasn’t sure why. She could not judge him by his words, maybe it was because he hadn’t spoken about his feelings for a long, long time.
“I just felt I had no choice but to run off. That was my only option. It’s.. complicated.. I fled because.. I realized something.” He now softly squeezed her hand as if that would give him the strength to continue, which it did for some reason. “I realised I love you.. And that.. it just scared the hell out of me. I tried to tell myself that I was just imagining things, that this couldn’t be true. I didn’t want to love you at first, sunshine. I.. I have my reasons. God, how am I going to explain this..”
Kevin knew he had to, if only for his own sake, so that he could now openly say it, instead of holding it in, keeping it locked up, which made him physically ill, and mentally depressed. He let go of her hand and rubbed his face with his hands. He then rested his chin on the palm of his left hand, the other he placed on top of her warm hand, not wanting to lose contact. “When I got your letter, I wanted to call you. I wanted to explain everything, but I was so scared. I didn’t know how to tell you about my feelings, my fears, my doubts, my sins.. And now, it may be too late..” His voice trailed off as the tears worked their way up to his eyes. He let his head hang down, and let the tears run free down his cheeks as he gasped for air, feeling this cry was inevitable. He felt terrified as he was about to open up the debts of his soul to her.

“There’s something I have never told you, sunshine. Nobody knows, not even the guys. I could not tell you, you would’ve cut me out of your life back then and I needed all of you to be there for me, to help me through the guilt I was feeling, even though you weren’t even aware of that. The guilt never disappeared. As time went by, it became more difficult to tell you, and so I decided to keep it a secret. But I can’t anymore, Wendy.. I.. I can’t.. You need to know, you have a right to know. Stacey.. she was killed..” Kevin looked at her as she appeared to be asleep, the look on her face as sweet as if she was an angel. He looked away and stuttered as he tried to say the thing he had never admitted to anyone. “I k-k-killed her.”

On the outside, Brian was shocked as he heard his cousin’s confession, and he put his hand on the wall next to the door for support. He closed his eyes for a second, not able to comprehend what he’d just heard. He noticed his cousin broke into tears once more, but felt as if he could not move a muscle. Stacey, killed? That was just ridiculous, impossible, out of the question. He opened his eyes and his thoughts went back to the day officer Keely had told his older cousin the devastating news of her death. Thank God he and Howie were there when he was told, because he totally lost it. He couldn’t have killed her, they were with him the moment she passed away. Kevin didn’t kill her.. Her death was an accident..

“I-I didn’t mean to.. I never meant to hurt her..” He cried, his face buried in his hands, his body shaking as he gasped for air. He felt as if it all happened yesterday instead of over three years ago. “I’m sorry, Mr. Richardson, but your wife passed away...She...” He never even heard the other stuff officer Keely told him. He fell to his knees, crying out her name several times. If it wasn’t for Brian and Howie, he probably would’ve stormed out the house to go see her. Instead, they drove him to the hospital, did all the talking to the staff and helped him to get to the mortuary, since he had to identify her, just in case. Brian had insisted on going in with him, but the staff didn’t let him. After he came out, they were right there though to support him, since he wasn’t too steady on his feet. “She..she was my life, my everything..” he whispered.

“I know.” The sound of that familiar voice and the hand being placed on his shoulder as those words were spoken, startled him, quickly raising and turning his head to see his cousin. He had expected him to be irate, but he didn’t seem to be. If he had to describe the look in his face, he’d say Brian looked confused and worried at the same time. Still, Kevin felt the need to apologize for him being there with her. “I-I’m sorry, I needed to..”
Brian interrupted him. “No apology needed, Kev. I should be the one to apologize. I..”
“You?”
“Me, yes. First of all, for listening in on you. And I realized something too. I should’ve seen something was wrong, Kev. The way you were acting, it just wasn’t you. I suppose I was too busy worrying about Wendy, to see that something was troubling you.”
“You... you heard everything???”
“I don’t know. I.. I heard you say you killed Stacey..”
Kevin wasn’t too happy with this, but was confused at the same time. If he had overheard that, then why wasn’t he about to lynch him? He got to his feet, as if his height could protect him, but immediately the whole room started spinning like crazy, causing him to stumble forward into Brian’s arms, who staggered because of Kevin’s weight. He held his cousin close, supporting and hugging him at the same time, before he helped him to sit down again, asking what was wrong, but he didn’t reply, too scared of what was going through Brian’s mind.
“I don’t understand, Kev. You didn’t kill her, her death was an accident. You know that right?”
The eldest closed his eyes and shook his head. “No Bri, it wasn’t an accident.”
“But.. D. and me were there when Keely told you. You didn’t take her life. That’s ridi-.. out of the question.”
Kevin signaled for Brian to sit down on the bed, which he did. The eldest was scared to death, but knew he now had no other option than to explain the whole situation to him. He’d probably kill him afterwards, but now there was nothing he could do. He looked at Wendy, blinked back the tears that were ripping his heart apart, and softly stroke her hand. As he kept his gaze on her, he began to open up to his cousin about the events of the night Stacey passed away. “I think it’s time you hear the whole story, cuz..”

~~~~

”Leave me alone..” he muttered as he was woken from his much needed sleep. He covered his head with one of the pillows, trying to block out whatever it was that had disturbed him at this ridiculous time of night. Someone or something was tugging the sheets without any succes since he was holding them very tight with one hand. It seemed like someone was talking to him, but since he was still drowsy, he decided that was just his imagination. When someone tapped his shoulder, he slowly removed the pillow from his head and turned around. He didn’t open his eyes though, instead he asked who was there. The person who replied was obviously crying. Her ragged breathing and the tone of her voice, as she said her name, made it clear something serious was going on. In the dark, he reached for the switch and a second later, a soft gleam lightened his hotel room. He slowly opened his eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the sudden brightness. Then he saw her standing there, on the left side of his bed, wearing on of Brian’s old shirts. She was shivering and tears were running down her cheeks. Slowly he sat up, reaching for her hands. She accepted his, and he gently forced her to sit down. He looked for another shirt for her to put on, but since there wasn’t one within reach, he took off his own, and told her to put it on. At first she declined, but eventually complied.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He suppressed a yawn and gently rubbed her back. They always unlocked the doors that connected their rooms, and now he was happy they did. She took a deep breath and through her tears she told him she had a nightmare. Through the two shirts she now was wearing, he could feel her body was as cold as ice. “Come here,” he said as he softly tapped on the empty side of the mattress, folding back the sheets so she could slip under them. “You’re freezing.”
She looked at him, not sure of what to do. “Are.. are you sure?”
“I’m sure. “ He nodded. “Really sure?” He smiled at her, amazed with the fact that even now she was this distressed, she was still careful with his feelings, not wanting to upset him. “Really sure.” She slid under the covers, as far away from his as possible, then pulled them up all the way to her chin. “I don’t bite, you know.”
“I don’t want to..”
“You won’t, now move closer so I can hold you, that is, if you want me to.”
She didn’t move a muscle, except for rolling over on her left side, so he was facing her back. She didn’t want to give him the wrong idea, didn’t want to hurt his feelings or give him any false hope. He put one arm around her waist and gently pulled her closer, with nothing more than the intention to warm her body with his own. She didn’t struggle to get free from his soft grip, desperate for some comfort.

“Do you want to tell me what the nightmare was about?”
It took her a moment to decide whether she wanted to or not. “Well, we were getting married..”she paused.
Nick couldn’t help but smile, “I can see why that’s terrifying you..” He couldn’t see it, but that put a sad smile on her face. “No, dork.. That wasn’t it. When the ceremony was over, all of a sudden it..” Again she saw the images before her, and the tears began to flow. He didn’t say anything, only placed one single kiss on the back of her head. “We were driving home, when another car crashed into ours.You were unconsciousness, I was alright for the most part. I wanted to call 911, but couldn’t find our cellphones. So I got out of the car, walked over to the other one to see if they were alright and had a cellphone I could use.” Her voice trailed off for a minute before she continued. “I walked over, and looked through the passenger window, I saw..” She cleared her throat. “My parents were in that car, Nick. Not their bodies, just their.. their.. skeletons.. and then they turned towards me, saying it was all my fault...” she choked out as she tried not to throw up.
“Today it’s been 4 years since they passed away, isn’t it?” He whispered, silently cursing for not remembering it before the six of them said goodbye earlier that night. She nodded in response, biting her lip to prevent herself from breaking down.

“Let it out, sunshine. There’s no need for you to hold it in. Cry if you need to cry, scream if you need to scream.
I know it hurts, I can tell. You’re biting your lip, aren’t you?” He knew her far too well, she thought. It did hurt, it hurt so much. Sometimes it felt as if she was all alone on this planet. She no longer was anyone’s child. She could never ask her mother how she felt when her daugther was born, or ask her dad if he was proud of her. She had great friends, but they could never replace the love her parents gave her. “Let it out..” he whispered, pulling her even closer. The love he gave her through that simple gesture, made it again perfectly clear, that she would never again feel the comfort of her parents’touch. The loss cut through her soul, and as he put his other arm around her, she let go of the shame and cried. She cried for all the things she missed, all the pain she felt. Eventually she cried herself to sleep, while Nick held her tight and stayed awake the rest of the night, so he’d be there if she needed him to.

He sighed as he wiped away the tears. The memory of that night had suddenly plagued his thoughts as he was walking on the beach. When he snapped back into reality, he realized he had been walking for almost an hour without seeing where he was going. He had to go see her, had to find out how she was doing. As he turned around, he looked up to the sky, thinking of the one question that he’d probably never get answers too. Why?

Author's note: Alright, so it took me a while to update, but that's what happens when you get to go to a BSB-concert.. way too nervous (even though it was my 4th show, not from the Never Gone Tour though), and excited! So here's the update. And I promise, things will finally be explained in the next chapter. PLEASE review! Alright, now sit back, relax and find out how Nick responds when he spots Kevin in room 263!

________________________________

“Hi Rok, how is she do-... Kev??” he said when he noticed him holding her hand. And Brian, who was sitting next to him, he didn’t even look near angry, instead, the both looked like they had been crying. The eldest seemed to be in an even worse state than when he last saw him, he had lost even more weight and his body was trembling as if it was freezing in room 263, but it was probably about 75 degrees in there. A.J. didn’t quite understand the situation, so he glanced at Howie, who looked just as puzzled. The two cousins didn’t respond, instead Kevin kept his gaze at Wendy, and Brian kept his gaze on his cousin.

“Guys?” Howie walked over to Brian, placing a hand on his shoulder, which caused the man to turn his head and look at him. “Don’t ask.” He whispered. “As for Wendy, she can breathe on her own again.” Howie nodded, not knowing what to say or do next. A.J. walked up to the bed and gently sat down on it, then put his hand on her knee. “That’s good news, Bri. Really good news.” The three men just sat there in silence. Brian was trying to comprehend everything Kevin had told him. A.J. and Howie wondered what had happened before they entered the room, but knew now was not the time to ask. And Kevin, he just sat there, thinking of what could’ve been.

About half an hour later, the one guy missing slowly opened the door and stepped in, calm at first, but then.. “What the HELL is HE doing here?!” Nick exclaimed as he noticed Kevin in the room next to Wendy, holding her hand. His face turned red and he lunged forward, ready to attack the oldest man in the room, who didn’t even lift his head as he heard these words. He had expected them to come up, eventually, and since he was in no shape to argue, he decided to just let Nick rant.
“Nick, calm down.” Howie firmly said as he walked up to his younger friend. But Nick didn’t pay any attention to him, passed Brian who was still staring at his cousin, not seeing the seriousness of the situation. Nick walked up to Kevin, yanking his shirt and forcing him to stand up. Kevin didn’t even bother to move or say anything as he looked his friend in the eyes. He just wanted to get this over with. Howie and A.J. were now trying to get Nick to let go, yelling and pulling him back, but they couldn’t prevent him from punching Kevin in the stomach, causing the older man to fall to his knees, gasping for air, clutching his stomach and with shock written all over his face.

Nick was about to kick Kevin, when Howie and A.J. were finally able to push him to the other side of the room. “LET ME GO!!” He yelled as he tried to break free from their firm grasp. A.J. grabbed him by the shoulders even tighter, probably causing bruises. “DAMN Carter, control yourself!!”
In the meantime, Brian knelt next to Kevin, who was still trying to catch his breath. “Are you alright?”
“WHY do you even care?! Did all of you FORGET what he did to her?!!!!” Nick yelled from the other side of the room, still struggling to break free. “Carter, SHUT IT!” Brian shot a glare at him, immediately causing Nick to stop fighting and yelling. To Kevin, all of this seemed to be surreal. Did the youngest really punch him? And was he really about to kick his ass even more after that? He didn’t hear Brian’s question as he repeated it. Then out of nowhere, or so it seemed, there were two sets of arms pulling him up, then slowly Brian and Howie sat him down on the chair that was his before Nick’s little outburst. Howie sat down next to him to make sure he was okay, while Brian walked up to Nick.

“What the HELL is wrong with you, Brian?! Why are you so caring all of a sudden?!” Nick looked down at his best friend, whom he now considered to have gone crazy since the last time he saw him. “YOU were the one who told us he no longer existed and now you ask him if he’s freaking alright?!!!”
Brian simply nodded, too tired to explain the whole situation at this point. “He had his reasons, Nick.”
“His reasons, my ass..” Nick rolled his eyes, thinking there was no reason good enough to act like Kevin had in the weeks before. No reason at all to hurt the girl Nick still had a soft spot for.
“Just LOOK at him, Nick. Doesn’t that tell you something?!” Brian pointed at Kevin, once again noticing his thinning frame, the way his shoulders hang down, the hands that were rubbing his face in exhaustion and the tears that were rolling down his cheeks as Howie tried to soothe him. Nick quickly looked at Kevin before he returned his gaze back to Brian, his eyes still spatting fire, his body trembling with anger and hatred. “He looks like shit, so what else is new?! Really Rok, I think you might have lost it. Sanity that is. Look at WENDY, look at HER! She is the one you should be all worried about, not that THING over there holding her hand.”

“That THING, is your brother, Nick.” A.J. yelled as he stood before him, planting his finger on the other man’s chest. “Have you EVER thought about the reasons he might have for his behavior? That FOR ONCE he WASN’T the strong one?! The one who always saved our asses?!”
“He no longer is my brother, he’s a total stranger to me..” Nick calmed somewhat down, realising that those words hurt, a lot. He didn’t want to feel this way, but felt like there was nothing he could do. Kevin WAS a stranger, for he didn’t look like the strong man he once was, the one who did always save their asses when either of them were in trouble. He always stood by them, no matter what, and now.. now no one had stood by him. Silence came over the five men as Nick’s words sank in. He was right about that one thing. Kevin was a stranger to them, for the most part. Even now he had opened up to Brian, he didn’t understand his reasons. He could understand why he had run off, after that nightmare, but all of his following actions still didn’t make any sense.

“Can all of you stop talking about me.. as if I’m not here?” a tired voice whispered. “You’re right. I am a total stranger to you, Nick. To all of you, even you Brian. I...” His voice trailed off, watching the other men shift on their feet, feeling uncomfortable. “I think I owe you an explanation. That is, if you want to hear it.. if you don’t, I understand.. it’s not like I deser-”
“I’d like to hear it..” Howie said as he placed his hand on Kevin’s back. He really wanted to understand the how and why, especially the why. “So would I.” A.J. turned around and started walking over to her bed, again sitting down gently. Brian nodded as he followed, looking at the youngest as he sat down. “Nick?”
“I really couldn’t care less.” He was lying and he knew it was obvious, but he was just too stubborn to give in that easily. “NICK..” A.J. shot him a warning glare, telling him he should really not be a smartass right now otherwise he was the one who’d get his ass whipped, so the youngest shrugged as he walked over to the bed, grabbed a chair and sat across from Kevin, trying not to see the way he was holding Wendy’s hand.

Kevin took a deep, long breath as he closed his eyes, trying of a way to say all this, without giving in to the nausea he was feeling once again, partly caused by the tension, partly caused by Nick’s punch. “The night.. Stacey.. she-she died.. it wasn’t just a carcrash.. There was so much more to it.. I-I caused it.”

”I’m so happy right now. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.” Kevin said as he and Stacey were on the couch, her head resting on his lap, her eyes meeting his gaze as he looked down at her. He was stroking her hair with his left hand, as she was gently caressing his cheek.
“I know..” she teased before she continued. “I couldn’t be happier, honey..”
“I could..” he softly said, immediately regretting he brought up the issue again that would probably start a fight, like it always did in these last few months. Stacey immediately sat up, giving him a dirty look, because she knew where this was going. “Kevin, not again.”
“I’m sorry, sweetheart. I just think-”
“I know what you think, but would you please just think of how I feel about all of this?!”
“I just don’t understand what’s holding you back, Stacey..”
She sighed as she tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “That’s because you don’t want to understand.”
“I do.. I just..”he said as he leaned forward, raking a hand through his dark hair.
“I’m not ready, Kev.”
“So when will you be?! Will you EVER be?” he felt anger rising up to the surface, even though he wanted to keep his cool, he just couldn’t. It didn’t seem fair. In the beginning of their relationship, they had discussed the issue, and they agreed on it, but now, it felt as if she was backing out on him. Even though he knew he had no right to push her, it also didn’t seem right that she was not fullfilling his dream when earlier on she had told him she had the same wishes and hopes for the future.

“I don’t know, Kevin, but you pushing me won’t make things go any faster!”She took in a deep breath, before she turned to look at him, but since he was staring at the wall, she turned her head and did the same. “I’m not so sure I even want to have children anymore..”
This was shocking news to Kevin, before she had always said she did want to have his children, but that she was too young to become a mother at that point in time. “W-what did you just say?”
She shrugged, but he didn’t notice. “I’m not sure about becoming a mom.”
She said it as if she was talking about groceries instead of children, the one thing he had always longed for ever since the two of them got together. “Why?” he whispered. Again, she shrugged. “I’m not sure. I guess I always had my doubts..”
“You WHAT?!”he exploded out of nowhere, feeling as if she had betrayed him. When they talked about it in the years before, she always seemed determined about trying to have children, and now.. now she was telling him it was all one big lie?! “You always had your doubts, but told me you were certain about having children?! I can’t freaking believe this..”

She simply nodded her head as the tears slowly began to fall. She knew she shouldn’t have told him she was sure, but she was so scared of losing him she did. Maybe later on, she would feel her biological clock ticking, but at the time she was too young to make such a decision. How could she be sure of something that would change their lives forever when she was at that point in her life? “I-I didn’t want to lose you..”
“Well, you should’ve thought of that earlier, Stacey!” he exclaimed.
She lifted her head, feeling as if he had just told her he’d get a divorce, but he didn’t mean that, did he?
“Wait.. are you saying..”
“I don’t know what I’m saying, I don’t even know what I’m feeling right now!! You lied to me, Stacey! You LIED to me about something so very important. I could’ve handled you not being sure, you know.. But you choose to lie about it from the start, making me feel on top of the world, the happiest man alive, and now..” he trailed off, staring at their weddingpicture on the mantlepiece.

“I’m sorry..” she whispered so softly he barely heard her.
“Sorry doesn’t make things right this time, Stacey.” He took a deep breath, not wanting to say the following, but knowing he had to. This time he didn’t feel like he had a choice. He needed some time alone. “I-I need some time to think things over. I’m gonna call Brian and ask him if I can stay there for a while.”
She nodded, knowing she had really screwed up this time, then slowly shook her head. “Don’t.. I’ll go and stay at Samantha’s cabin for a while. I still have a spare key and she won’t mind.” Thoughts were racing in his mind, wanting to ask her if she’d be alright out there, that Brian wouldn’t mind him staying for a while, that he still loved her and so much more. But he stood there, not saying a word or moving a muscle as she stood up and climbed the stairs up to their bedroom.

Fifteen minutes later, she came down carrying a backpack. As she reached the bottom of the stairs, she put them down and walked over to him. She placed her arms around his waist, but he told her to let go. As she looked up at him with tears welling up in her eyes, he gently grabbed her arms and released himself from her grasp. “Don’t.”
“But Kev..”
“Don’t.”
She took a step backwards, not losing eye contact as the tears began to fall once again. “I..I love you.”
She waited for him to respond, but when he didn’t, she turned around, grabbed her backpack and her jacket and walked towards the front door. As she was holding the doorknob, she looked at him one last time before she opened the door and walked out of their house, slowly closing the door behind him. When he heard the sound of her car driving off into the night, he walked over to the window, just to see the darkness surrounding her.
“I love you too..”

“And that’s why she died that night. I should’ve never let her drive, not while she was that upset. I caused that carcrash by letting her go..” Kevin cried, feeling as if it had just happened the day before instead of over three years ago. His hand was shaking as he was holding Wendy’s hand, desperate for some comfort which she couldn’t give him right now.
The five men didn’t speak for almost twenty minutes, letting this confession sink in. None of them knew about the fight they had that night, he had never told them. Earlier that day, he had told Brian about the nightmares, but didn’t tell him about the fight or the feelings he had for Wendy. Finally, Howie had the courage to speak up. “Kev, why didn’t you tell us earlier? It.. The fight..”
“She made her own decision to drive that night, Kev. You didn’t force her.” Brian spoke as he placed his hand on his cousin’s shoulder as he let out a big sigh. There was nothing he could say or do to make things better and even though it wasn’t Kevin’s fault, he could understand why he was feeling it was. Saying it wasn’t, wouldn’t help him. She died that night and there was nothing any of them could do or say to bring her back.

“I k-k-killed her guys.. I-”
“That’s bullshit, Kev.” The youngest said, causing everyone including Kevin to look at him. Howie shot him a look, warning him not to be a smartass, for now was not the time. “What? It is.. she died in a carcrash, not because of you. You didn’t kill anyone, Kev. It was.. a tragedy..”
“I told him the same thing, even before I knew about all of this.” Brian spoke up, as he looked at Nick, nodding in agreement, even though he was thinking his friend could’ve put it in a different way.
A.J. cleared his throat. “Even though I hate to admit it, Kev.. I have to agree with Nick. I’m so sorry for what happened, but...”
The eldest knew this was going to happen, he knew they’d say this, because he still hadn’t told them the whole truth. He closed his eyes for a second, trying to get rid of the lump in his throat, which was making it hard to speak. “Guys.. I-I did kill her.. I did a horrible thing later that night..”

They waited for him to continue, but he stayed silent, looking at Wendy as if the others weren’t there. If they hadn’t been blinded by the shock, they would’ve felt his feelings for her, growing by the second, scaring him to death. A.J. and Howie glanced at each other, wondering if they should wait for him to open up or to ask him to. Finally, Howie had the courage to speak up. “What happened Kev? Wat happened after she drove off?”
“Nothing happened, D.” he replied as he kept his gaze on Wendy, scared to look at the others. She didn’t judge him, yet. Nick shrugged. Kevin had already lost him. None of this made any sense to the young man, but he knew better than to speak his mind right now.
“But you just said that- ”
“Nothing happened, Howie. And that is exactly the problem. I didn’t do anything.”
“But Kev, you weren’t even there when it happened. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent this.”
“I could have, Bri, but I never did.”

She looked as if she was touched by magic the day they had exchanged vows. The sparkle in her eyes made him the happiest man on this earth. The love they had for one another only strengthened their bond in the years after, even though the arguments they had about having children caused their love to slowly lose it’s glimmer, but not it’s strength. He always thought they would make it through, that she’d be ready someday soon to have his children if God would let them. He let out a big sigh as he put the photograph back on the mantlepiece.

Twenty minutes had passed since she walked out of their house. Twenty long, long minutes. He already missed her, but knew he needed some time alone. He loved her more than anything, but did he love her enough to give up his life long wish? He shook his head in disbelief to what had happened earlier that night. Her confession, it hit him hard. All these years he thought it would just take some time, after all, they were still young. All his life he knew he wanted to have children someday, and as soon as he laid eyes on her, he knew he wanted her to be their mother. Was their bond strong enough to survive this?

The ringing of his cell snapped him out of his thoughts and back into reality. He grabbed it off the coffee table and looked at the display which showed “Stacey”. He knew he was too upset to talk to her right now. He didn’t want to yell at her, especially not over the phone when he didn’t know when he’d see her again. With a sigh, he waited for it to stop ringing, and when it did, he pressed a few buttons so he wouldn’t hear or feel it vibrating anymore if she tried to call him again, then put it in his left pocket. Right as he sat down on the couch, the doorbell rang, causing him to jump slightly.


The four men stared at Kevin, in a total state of shock. Even though he hadn’t really told them all of it, they could easily fill in the blanks. Brian felt paralized, he even had trouble breathing right. A.J. and Nick sat there, not able to speak or move. “That must’ve been Bri and me.” Howie whispered. Kevin simply nodded, before he continued his explanation.


”Where’s Stacey, Kev?”
“She went up to Samantha’s cabin. Had a lot of catching up to do, which included a LOT of girltalk, or so I was told. Didn’t feel like joining them, otherwise they’d probably wanna do my hair or something.” The three men laughed and did a lot of catching up themselves. Since they hadn’t seen each other for like two weeks, as they were on a break, they had a lot to tell each other.
Half an hour later, Brian and Howie went into the kitchen to get some drinks and snacks, while Kevin stayed behind in the living room. He quickly pulled his cell out of his pocket and saw that he had missed one more call from his wife half an hour ago, but since she didn’t bother to leave him a message, he decided to call her back when the guys had left. They didn’t need to know what was going on between the two of them, he thought as he put the cell back in his pocket. “Hey D., please leave me something to eat for breakfast, alright?” he yelled towards the kitchen, hearing his cousin chuckle at the remark.
Right after that, the doorbell rang again. He wondered who that could be. A.J. and Nick went out to party, Brian told him. Maybe it was Stacey, maybe she decided to come back home and talk things through.. He opened the front door, seeing a police car right out front, and an officer at his door.

“Mr. Richardson?” he asked in a gentle tone. Kevin nodded in response, thinking it was about the burglars again, who had broken in to many homes in the neighbourhood. He invited the tall man in, who introduced himself als officer Keeley, then told Kevin to sit down for a moment. As they both sat down, the two other men walked back in, one carrying way too many snacks for three, the other holding three sodacans, since he and Howie had to drive home, and Kevin wanted to have a clear mind in case Stacey would call back.
“What’s up Kev?” Brian asked as he noticed officer Keeley’s uniform.
“This is officer Keeley, he’s here, because..” Kevin looked at him, waiting for him to fill them in on the occassion of his visit. He really didn’t want to get another lecture about keeping their doors locked at night and stuff like that. They always did that, not so much because of burglars, but because of some of their obsessive fans who did anything to meet them.
Officer Keeley had done this before, but it never got any easier. He cleared his throat before he began to speak. “I’m here to tell you, Mr. Richardson, that something has happened to your wife. She.. was in a carcrash and she passed away due to the injuries. I’m so sorry for your loss... If-“ But Kevin didn’t hear the rest of the information officer Keeley was telling him. In total shock he got up, his legs immediately giving out from under him and he fell to his knees. “Noooooooooooooooo..” he cried several times, his hands raking through his dark hair as he rocked his body back and forth, whispering his wife’s name.”Stacey..”

Brian dropped the cans in shock, the content spilled on the carpet, but none of them noticed. Howie was the first to move towards Kevin, kneeling down next to him after he had put the snacks on the table. He pulled the eldest man into a hug, rocking back and forth with him. Kevin clung on to him, tears running down his cheeks, his breath faltering, his world shattering into a million pieces.

“Now you know everything.” Kevin calmly said. His tears had run dry, his feelings locked away as he told them everything. Now, anxiety took control. He didn’t really want to hear them tell him what an asshole he had been, that it was all his fault, even though he knew it was. He just wanted to get the hell out of that room. Silently he wished he could take her with him, since she was the only one he felt somewhat safe around, and seeing her ever again was now totally out of the question. They would even hate him more, and he couldn’t blame them.

Quickly he stood up, forgetting for a moment how weak his body was. Immediately the whole room started spinning, black spots clouded his vision. Telling them what happened that night, had been exhausting, but he didn’t realize that until now. He put his hands on the bed, trying to keep himself from falling, but it was to no avail. As he fell backwards into the arms of his cousin and his friend, he whispered the two words he had said over a million times before. “I-I’m sorry..”

So, finally, finally an update! I'm sorry I kept you waiting for so freaking long, but I just had NO inspiration whatsoever for this chapter. Thankfully I know what I want after this chapter, so new updates will follow soon (I hope..). Please leave me a review!!

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“Gee, look at the time. I’d better get going to the airport. Her plane will land soon.” He rambled, thankful that he could get out of that hospital room where tension had been causing them all to stay silent, unknowing of what to say or do. Kevin almost fainted, but recovered quickly as soon as he sat down. He had tried to get away, but eventually gave up when Brian had told him he wasn't going anywhere. Nick quickly got to his feet and almost ran for the exit, still unable to believe Kevin’s confession. As soon as he was outside, he looked up at the sky, again trying to find some answers, but ofcourse he didn’t find any.

His hand was shaking as he tried to get his keys out of his left pocket, then the trembling caused him to drop them. He knelt down, got his keys and started walking towards his car, his thoughts plagued with some of the things Kevin had said. Kevin had walked around with that huge secret for over three years. Three years of feeling guilty for something that really wasn’t his fault, was it? He opened the door, sat down and looked at the big grey building, thinking of just one thing. Room 263 now was really the last place he wanted to be at.

~~~~

“Did you hear that?” Susie grabbed a pillow and covered her head. “Did I hear what?” her friend asked.
“That sound..squeeking sound..” Susie knew watching “Friday the 13th” wasn’t such a good idea, but Wendy had AGAIN talked her into watching a horror movie with her, now that nobody was home. Jake was over at his girlfriend’s house and her parents were having dinner in some fancy restaurant and told 15-year-old Suzie to invite Wendy over and order some pizza. Wendy shook her head, silently laughing as she turned her attention back to the tv. “You always hear things when we watch movies like these.. EWWWW!! That’s gross!!” she said as she saw how a young man got killed because the killer stabbed him in the back from below his bed. Susie screamed at the scene, hiding her face behind the pillow.

Shortly after that, Wendy noticed a squeeking sound as if somebody was climbing up the stairs. She softly poked Susie who was still hiding behind the pillow and screamed at the unexpected poke. Wendy held her finger to her lips, signaling Susie to be quiet. Her friend’s eyes went wide out of fright, but Wendy grabbed her by the arm and forced her to come along to Jake’s room, knowing she could find a bat or something else in there.
“What’s gotten into you?!” Susie whispered. “I think there’s someone downstairs.” Her friend whispered in return, placing her hand over Susie’s mouth, which muffled her scream. She shook off Wendy’s hand and began to panick. “So.. police.. call.. now..”
“Calm down, dork.” Wendy shook her head as she grabbed a basketball from the floor and turned towards the door, ready to go check out whoever was in the house. When Susie heard another sound, she froze in her footsteps, only to be dragged along by Wendy who noticed she was still standing there. “When I say ‘now’, you hit he light switch. Got that?!” Susie slowly nodded her head, hoping she could remember to actually to do so when being told. “Maybe it’s just Clumsy.. maybe it’s just the stupid cat..” Susie whispered to herself as she followed Wendy towards the stairs.

Wendy tiptoed over to the stairs, ready to throw the ball at the unwanted guest. When she heard something coming from a few steps below, she told Susie to hit the lightswitch and as soon as her friend had, she focused on the figure below her, aimed real quick and threw the ball in it’s direction. As soon as the object had left her fingers, she recognised the person standing there. She yelled his name, but was too late. Her perfect aiming had caused the ball to hit the person’s head on the side, followed by a loud yelp as he lost his balance and tumbled down three steps, landing on the floor, leaving him unconscious.

Wendy and Susie raced down the stairs, knelt down beside Brian’s body as they said his name over and over again. A few minutes later, he slowly opened his eyes and touched his head as his eyes tried to adjust to the brightness. A minute or so later, he was fully conscious and aware of the headache caused by the basketball. “Owww.. my head..” he whispered. “Are you okay?!” Wendy asked him as she helped him to sit up. He slowly nodded his head. “What happened?” he asked her as he rubbed his head with a puzzled look in his face.
“Ehm.. Bri.. You.. uhm.. slipped and fell down the stairs..” Wendy smiled at him, happy to see he was okay. “You were just being clumsy, as usual.” She tried to hold in the laughter as she noticed Susie turning red at her comment,staring at the floor, trying not to laugh out loud. But as soon as they looked at eacher, the girls bursted into laughter, leaving Brian clueless of what was so funny.

A few days later, he remembered what had happened and made the two girls swear not to tell anyone, which for once they didn’t, sparing his reputation. Susie smiled at the thought of that memory. She hoped everything was finally turning around now, that things were finally returning to normal. She looked at her watch as she sat down on one of the plastic chairs, pushing the luggage out of the pathway. Howie was late, which was rare. She did tell him what time her plane would land, didn’t she? She thought she had, but since she had already been waiting for an hour, she wasn’t so sure anymore. She was just about to call him, when she heard a familair voice yelling her name.

“Susie!!” He waved as he walked towards her, trying to get her attention, in which he succeeded. Even though he wore a cap and sunglasses, she recognised him the second she saw him. They had known each other since forever, so no disguise could fool her. She got up and hugged the blonde. “Hey Nicky!! Good to see you again.. So how have things been ever since I left?!” she chattered, happy that she was about to see the rest of their own little family again. When he didn’t respond she let go of him and looked at him. “Nick?”
He walked past her and got her luggage. “Not here.” He whispered as he began to walk over to the nearest exit. “Nick? What’s wrong?” Susie quickened her pace as she tried to catch up with him. “Nick?!”
“In the car.” He breathed. “We’ll talk.. in the car..” Susie stopped for a second, feeling that he wasn’t going to deliver any good news.
“Nick?! Please tell me everything’s okay!!” she panicked. He turned around and walked up to her, put down her luggage for a second, took off his sunglasses and placed his hands on the woman’s shoulders. “Susie, nothing..” he closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he continued. “Nothing is okay.”

FINALLY!! An update! After months of (minor)health problems and very intense writersblock, I'm back!! Seems like the writersblock has decided to torture somebody else for a while! Hope people still wanna read this story. If so, please review, cause I'm scared things are a bit rusty..
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Fifteen days had passed since the day Kevin confessed his reasons for not visiting her. He now hardly ever left her side, which raised a few questions from one of his friends, and not the one who’d usually notice any changes in his behavior.
“Any changes?” he asked as he walked into her room, once again finding hem there, holding her hand in his, and his other hand playing with her hair. The voice made Kevin jump slightly. Quickly he let go of the lock of hair, hoping his friend hadn’t noticed. “Not yet.” He shook his head as he looked at his friend, a sad smile displayed on his features. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
“I guess you were caught up in your own thoughts..” Nick smiled as he gently sat down on her bed.
“Do you think we’ll ever be okay again, Kev? Like things used to be?”
Kevin locked his eyes with Nick’s as he chewed on his bottom lip, trying to come up with something positive.
“I mean, what if she wakes up remembering everything? Like, even.. you know.. everything?”
“I don’t know Nick.. I kinda just hope she won’t ever remember that. And if she does, things ain’t gonna get any easier for a while.”
Both men looked at her, each of them caught up in their own thoughts. It stayed silent for a few minutes, then Nick found the courage to express what he had kept inside for what it felt like to be forever, but in reality was only a week or so.

“You love her, don’t you?”
Kevin quickly turned his head away from her and locked his eyes with Nick’s. For a few seconds, he didn’t know what to say, but soon recovered as he said. “We all love her, Nick.”
“I know.. but you love her, right?”
Kevin lowered his head as he stared at his hands, not knowing how to respond. He didn’t want to be honest, but remembered what happened last time he hid the truth from his friends. “What makes you say that?” he whispered, again locking his eyes with those of his friend, who seemed to be nervous.
Nick shrugged. “You’re always here, Kev. Whenever I walk in, you’re here and you stay whenever I go home.
I can tell by the way you’re looking at her, touching her hand. I mean, you just have that sparkle in your eyes. She does that to you, doesn’t she? It just reminds me of...” he trailed off, thinking of he felt when he was in love with her, and that he had never experienced it since.
“It reminds you of what, Nick?”
“Eh.. Nothing Kev. Look, it’s not my business. Forget I asked.” Nick got up and as he walked over to the door, he heard Kevin whisper “I do..”. He pretended not to notice and walked out into the hallway, confused of what to think, even though he had already known the answer to his question before he asked.

Kevin silently cursed himself for letting the words slip from his mouth. He didn’t want anyone to know, not when he was so scared of his feelings for her and uncertain of how events would unfold when it came to her health and well-being. He gently touched her cheek, hoping she would magically show some signs of waking up.
She didn’t.

~~~~

He didn’t. He didn’t want to go out with her. The thought alone was enough to enraged her.

”I’m sorry, Debra. It has nothing to do with you. It’s just.. at this point in my life, I can’t see myself being with anyone. Things.. are complicated. I’m not asking you to understand, I hardly do so myself. But-”
“It’s okay Kevin. Forget I even asked. I just hope things work out for you.” She smiled as she gently put her hand on his arm, gently squeezing it, before turning around and walking back to her desk. The smile was soon replaced with a look filled with nothing more than pure hatred. Finally she had managed to convince herself that she should ask him out, instead of waiting for him to make the first move. She figured waiting for the man to ask the woman out, was old-fashioned and that men now liked the woman to approach them first. So that’s what she did and look where it got her. Nowhere.

But she wouldn’t let this just go by without doing anything to make him pay for his mistake. Hell no.
If only she could decide whether it would be affecting Miss Bitch or his little cousin Bri-Bri with the not so healthy heart. An evil smile danced on her features as she was lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking of ways to hurt Kevin, by hurting someone he cared for. It wasn’t until 3 am that she finally fell asleep, her mind filled with plans to hurt the man she still thought was destined to be with her.

~~~~

”WHY do you do this, Alex? Why?!”
“I’m not doing anything.” He muttered, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he was staring out of the window, in his mind willing her to leave.
“Damn. Stop acting like this.” She yelled from behind, desperate to get through to him.
He didn’t reply, not seeing her point of view, instead thinking of how to get out of this place as soon as possible.
“ALEX!” she cried.
“What?” he asked as he yawned, getting bored with the situation.
“TALK to me, damnit.” She yelled as she grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing him to turn around.
“DON’T DO THAT!” he growled.
“Don’t do WHAT?! Touch you?! Why?! Are you scared you’re gonna actually FEEL something?!” she snapped, her voice dripping with sarcasm, her hands again placed on his shoulders, gently shaking him.
“LET GO OF ME!”
“NO, I won’t let go until you TALK to me.”
“LET GO OF ME!!” He repeated as he felt anger take over like it had so many times before. He knew she was pushing his limits, but she didn’t know what he was capable of when he was pushed over the edge.
“What are you-”
But before she could finish her sentence, he had managed to break free from her grasp, his fists balled, knowing he wasn’t going to be in control much longer. “Just GO.” He yelled, trying to regain calm, even though he knew it was useless. There was nothing there to calm him down, that’s why he had to get out. Out.. out.. out..

Next thing he knew, she screamed in pain. As he looked at her, he saw what he had done. He had left his signature, the print of his right hand, on her left cheek, which was flaring red. He hit her. He had really hit her. The realization of what he had actually done began to sink in, as he watched her staring at him. Not saying a word, just staring at him, as she held her hand against her cheek, as if that would make it all go away.

What had he done? He had lost his temper before, but then managed to tear up a pillow, throw furniture across the room, but never ever had he laid hands on someone, let alone someone he cared for. As he searched for words to apologize to her, she turned around to put on her jacket and get her purse.
“Wendy, WAIT! Please, don’t go.” He whispered. “Give me the chance to-”
“What?!” She said as she turned around to look at him. “Give you the chance to hit me again? You only get to do that once, Alex. Just once.” Her voice cracked as she said the last sentence. She then turned around to walk out of the room, leaving him crying.

A.J.’s eyes flew open. He turned his head to see it was 3.37 am and here he was, wide awake. How did this memory manage to sneak into his thoughts, his dream? It had been a long time ago, and something he really didn’t want to remember. But now it had, and as if he was hypnotized, he had no choice but to think of what happened the day after he made one of the biggest mistakes of his life.

”Hi.”
Her voice made him jump, she was the last one he had expected to show up after what happened the day before. He slowly turned around, his eyes fixed on the floor so he wouldn’t have to look at her. “Hi.” He whispered.
“Look at me.” She demanded with a shaky voice.
“I-”
“Look at me.”
But he didn’t have the courage to. How could he look her in the eyes after what he had done to her?
He heard her footsteps coming closer to him, so he closed his eyes, hoping he could avoid seeing her at all.
“Look at me, AJ.”
Hearing her use ÁJ’ instead of Alex made him cringe. She never ever said that, except for when she was joking around, pretending to be a hysterical fan. She never said it in such a serious tone.
“Look at me.”
He felt her slowly lifting his head, her fingers placed under his chin. She was shaking, he could tell. And knowing he was the reason why, made him sick to his stomach.

“Everything okay in there?”
She let go of him and walked away, that much he could tell. He suddenly recognized the voice, which made him jump to the ceiling, his eyes flying open to check if he was actually in the room. When he found out he wasn’t, he breathed a sigh of relief, hearing her talk to the man who was waiting in the hallway.
“I’ll be fine, Kev.”
“I’d rather be in there with you.”
“Don’t Kev. If I need you, I’ll yell, okay?” she whispered, which got her a simple “Yeah” for a response.

She walked back into the room, AJ now had no choice but to look at her. She was shaking, that much was obvious. He would never forgive himself for scaring her like that. “Look at me.” She repeated. He pretended to look at her, but actually he didn’t even see her face. He was looking through her, not at her as she had asked him to.
“Look at what you did, AJ. You were brave enough to h-hit me yesterday, now face.. Face the bruise.”
“I- I can’t.”
“I’m not asking you if you can. You have no say in this. Look at me and see what you did. Look at the bruise and look beyond it. Read me like you always did before all of this shit happened. Tell me what it is you see.”
Tears filled his eyes, as he shook his head. “I can’t do-”
“Tell me.” She demanded. “Wanna try and do this again some other time? Hit me again? Because I’m not planning on letting that happen, Alex. Tell me what it is you see, because when I walk out that door, I might not return. Tell me now, or live with the consequence of losing me.”
As much as she was trying to be tough about this, he could hear her trying to keep herself from crying, which made him even feel worse about himself. He raised his head, wanting to look her in the eyes, but instead his attention was drawn to her cheek. It was still flaming red for the most part, with some hints of blue and purple. You could still see his handprint, his signature. He slowly raised his hand, wanting to touch it, as if to make sure it was really there. But she backed away, the look on her face telling him she was terrified.

“I’m sorry. So sorry.” He whispered as tears began to flow. She was crying too at this point, close to hysterical.
Without thinking he opened his arms, wanting to hold her and make everything alright. But she slowly shook her head. “I can’t.. Not now.” she whispered. He couldn’t blame her, so they just stood there, each of them crying, but not able to comfort the other. So they just stood there. Together alone.

AJ closed his eyes, trying to forget, but the memory kept lingering in his mind until he finally dozed off to sleep hours later, only to be met by another memory he’d like to forget.

He looked at his watch. It was 11pm and here he was again. Still at the hospital, still sitting by her bed. Watching her, hoping to find a sign, any sign of her waking up. Earlier that day Dr. Green had called all of them in for a meeting, only to tell them she was getting a little weaker every day. They had done an enormous amount of tests, but still no idea what was wrong and why she was losing this battle against this unknown enemy. There had been a lot of anger, coming from Nick, and a lot of sadness, coming from everyone else. Especially A.J. had been quiet, and he didn’t even visit her but immediately ran off when the meeting was over. Dr. Greene promised them to keep on searching for answers, but that they shouldn’t count on them finding anything.

“As much as I hate to say this. It looks like she’s losing this fight. You should think of saying your goodbyes soon. Now that you still can.”

The words had been devastating for all of them. Brian bursted into tears, clinging on to Leighanne, repeating the same sentence over and over again. “I was right.. I was right..” She looked so helpless as she tried to comfort him the best she could, rubbing his back and telling him not to give up hope. Howie and himself had done nothing but staring out of the window, trying to grasp the meaning of what Dr. Greene had told them. Nick had buried his face in his hands, crying in silence. Suzie had tried to comfort him, as she cried herself, but he didn’t let her. Eventually she gave up, and went to see her best friend. A.J., he didn’t move for over ten minutes, then ran off to a place unknown to the others.

And now here he was. She looked so peaceful, as if nothing was wrong and she was enjoying a nice long rest.
He caressed her cheek, feeling butterflies dancing around in his stomach, followed by an immense sadness. How could this be? How could she look so peaceful, but yet lose this fight? How could she look so beautiful, when she was actually seriously ill? It just didn’t make sense to the man, who felt like he was losing the second love of his life, even though she had no idea that she was.

He hardly ever went home, and even if he did, he came back as soon as possible. He only went home to shower, change clothes and sometimes to eat a decent meal, but most of the times he ate at the hospital. The rest of the time, he was at the hospital, almost always by her side. But twice a week, he saw a psychologist, Dr. Ryan. He didn’t want to at first, he saw no reason for it at all. But his friends had insisted on it, and he was in no shape to argue with them, so he made an appointment. Almost two weeks later, he was happy he had. Dr. Ryan helped him to slowly start expressing his feelings of grief over his father and his wife, something he had kept inside for way too long. Kevin knew he still had a long way to go, but he was okay with that. He was grateful that his friends had pressed on about talking to someone, since he didn’t want to talk to them about it that much.

The session from earlier that day had drained a lot of Kevin’s energy, and so did the meeting with Dr. Green. As he held her hand in his, he laid his head to rest on his arms, knowing he was going to regret sleeping in this position, because of the neck- and backpain he’d experience in the morning. But he couldn’t help it, he refused to go home, and even sleeping all curled up in the chair, would be too far away from her. “Good night, Wendy..” he whispered as he closed his eyes. It took no longer than four minutes for Kevin to doze off to sleep...

~~~~

The following morning, Debra woke up at 9 am. As she turned around to face the alarm clock, she let out a cry when she saw the time. Not only was she way too late for work, her shift started at 6am, but she was also too late to give Wendy her shot of Xynelyxoniamide. She gave it to her every other day, and increased the dosage about once a week so that she’d get weaker and weaker, instead of dying instantly. This way she gave Kevin the chance to change his mind, and it reduced the chance of anyone getting suspicious. There was the risk of getting caught, but she always made sure no one saw her enter her room with the small bottle of Xynelyxoniamide or a needle, and she made sure the needle marks were close to invisible.

She jumped out of bed, got dressed and in her car in under ten minutes. If only she was still unconscious, she prayed. It would be a catastrophy if she’d wake up. If only she would’ve increased the dosage earlier, or.. Debra double checked to see if she had everything with her, then pulled out of the drive way, silently cursing for being this stupid.

~~~~

It felt like she had been hit with a sledgehammer. For a few seconds, she tried to remember why she was feeling like this, but her head hurt so bad, that she had no choice but to give up. Again, she tried to open her eyes, but again, she failed. Everything felt so heavy, her arms, her legs, her eyelids. Then she heard it. Someone was with her. She could hear this person breathe, in a slow and steady rhythm. Slowly, she managed to open her eyes just so she could see a figure, but this heavy feeling forced her to close her eyes again. Then she dozed off to sleep..

~~~~

“Damn!!” Debra cried as she slammed her hands on the steering wheel. She was stuck in the early morning traffic, something she could have avoided when she hadn’t overslept. She kept thinking that her plan was going down the drain, and she hated herself for being this stupid. She never overslept, why had she now?
Because she was too busy with thinking of ways to hurt Kevin, that’s why. That’s what had kept her awake, and now caused her to be late. “Damn you Kevin.” She cursed. It was all his fault. If he hadn’t seduced her with his eyes, nothing of this would have ever happened. And he was going to pay for all of this, nothing was going to stop her now.

~~~~

When she managed to open her eyes again, she could finally keep them open long enough to see the person who was still in the room with her. At first her vision was blurry, but she could feel he was a friend of hers, the one whose presence was always calming.
As her vision improved, she saw her senses were right. It was him, and by the soft snoring sound he produced, she could tell he was asleep. Visions of Debra then flashed before her, causing a wave of panic to wash over her. She tried to speak his name, but she wasn’t able to make a sound. She knew she had to warn him, before the nurse from hell would return. But every thought was too much, every movement drained more of the little energy she had. She knew she had to act fast, before she would drift of to sleep again.

As she became more and more aware of her surroundings, she could feel him holding her hand, which brought a faint smile to her face and a warm feeling to her heart. He was back, back to being there for her again. With all the willpower she had, she managed to softly squeeze his hand. He didn’t respond..

“Kev...” she managed to whisper, but still she didn’t get a response. She had no choice but to close her eyes, though she tried with everything in her might to stay awake. She knew this was her last shot before she’d have to give in to the sleepiness. With the last bit of strength, she squeezed his hand as hard as she could, which was no harder than a 2 year-old would have done.
“Kev...”
The man let out a soft groan as he turned his head, slowly opening his eyes, only to see hers closed out of exhaustion. He let go of her hand and rubbed his face and neck. “I could swear I just heard your sweet voice..” he said, still a bit drowsy. He then caressed her cheek, which brought a faint smile to her face.
“W- Wendy?” Kevin asked, his voice filled with surprise. For a moment he thought he was imagining things. “Are- Are you awake? Can you open your eyes for me, girl?”

She tried to open her eyes, but felt darkness trying to absorb her. She could hear him in the distance, asking her if she was awake, if she could give him some sort of sign. She felt helpless, wanting to do what he was asking her, show him she was awake, warn him for Debra, but she was too weak, too tired to do a thing. When she felt him take her hand in his, asking her to squeeze his hand, she felt a wave of energy flow through her. A warm sensation, a tingling feeling somehow made it possible for her to squeeze his hand, even though it was hardly noticeable. For him, it was more than enough proof that she was awake. “Wendy? I- I’m so happy to- I... C- can you open your eyes for me?” He had almost blabbed out he loved her, but kept it in just in time, knowing now was not the time. Now was the time to make sure she was as okay as could be expected.

She opened her eyes just enough so he could see. “Hey beautiful..” he smiled. Tears of happiness filled his eyes. He blinked them back as he softly caressed her arm. He was scared that if he’d start crying now, it wouldn’t be so easy to stop. “Nap time is over.” He joked, which made her smile. How he had missed her. Being able to look into her eyes, seeing that beautiful smile. “Are you okay?” He placed his hand on her forehead, to check her temperature. Well, that was what he wanted her to think. In reality, he just wanted to touch her, be as close to her as possible, even if that meant nothing more than holding her hand and touching her face.

He moved his hand from her forehead to her cheek. In response, she leaned against the palm of his hand.
“Hey..” she whispered.
“Hey you.. Wendy, are you okay?” he repeated, caressing her cheek.Slowly she shook her head. She felt dizzy, black spots clouded her vision and then there was Debra. She had to tell him, had to find the strength to speak up, warn him before she would hurt him too.
Panic came over him. He was not going to lose her again, he wouldn’t let anything happen to her this time. Not again, he wouldn’t be able to handle another catastrophy. “What’s wrong?” She opened her mouth, but wasn’t able to speak. She could feel the little strength she had left vanish from her system. She didn’t give up yet though, so she tried again, but it was to no avail. “Wendy! Stay with me girl!!” Kevin could see she was slipping away. “I’ll call Doctor Green! Stay with me baby.. Come on!” He hit the red button, not wanting to leave her alone. “Why isn’t anyone coming?!” he muttered as another wave of panic washed over him. He could tell she was fighting to stay awake, but it wasn’t enough. “HEY!” he yelled, but no one seemed to hear him.
He pushed the button again, thoughts racing through his mind. Should he stay with her, or should he go get a doctor? Stay, or go? Stay.. Go...

He knew she needed a doctor and she needed a doctor fast. “I’ll be right back.” He quickly kissed her forehead, then rushed out to find a doctor, not hearing Wendy’s warning. “Debra..” she whispered, but it was too late. When Kevin ran into the hallway, it hit him that the entire hallway appeared to be empty. Screaming for a doctor, he ran off to Dr. Green’s office, not knowing where else to go for help.

As soon as he had turned around a corner, Debra rushed into her room, closed the door behind her, then turned around with an evil smile on her features. Wendy managed to open her eyes when she heard someone enter, and then saw the nurse from hell standing beside her bed.
“K- Kev..”
Debra got the Xynelyxoniamide out of her pocket and filled the needle with the liquid with great accuracy. When she was done, she looked down at Wendy as if she was nothing more than vermin you wanted to exterminate as fast as possible. “Kevin isn’t going to help you, you bitch. Everyone will think he’s gone crazy when he tells them you regained consciousness, because you never have. And you never will again. And when I’m through with him, he’ll be happy to know he won’t make it either.” Debra gently smiled at her. If you didn’t hear what she just said, you would think she was just trying to comfort one of her patients, instead of telling her she’d never see daylight again...

"Brian, I’m going to ask you this one last time. Why won’t you have the surgery?”
“Manage-”
“Don’t give me that bullshit, Bri. I know you better than to believe that.” She sighed. “Now tell me what’s behind all of the rescheduling and avoidance.”
“Really, it’s management. I don’t want to disappoint them, the guys or upset the fans.” He replied with a wavering voice. She was getting to him and he hated her for it.
“I think they’ll be even more upset when you die.” She said, her voice dripping with sarcasm. She shook her head, in disbelief over such stupidity. She looked at him, sitting there on the couch, his hands clasped tightly together, his elbows resting on his knees. He was avoiding her stare, looking out of the window behind her.

They remained silent for a while, each of them caught up in their own thoughts. Brian knew he wasn’t being rational, but refused to show her his deepest feelings or share his darkest thoughts. Wendy tried to see through him, he knew it, but he was sure she was met by a thick wall that protected him from her gift to take a look into his soul.

“Bri-bri..” she eventually pleaded, hoping to get through to him this time.
“Wendy, please drop it.”
“How am I supposed to drop this?! I can’t watch you throw your relationship, your life away and do nothing to stop you from doing so.”
“My relationship with Leigh is none of your business.” He spat, his fists balled.
“I talked to Leighanne and she’s serious about leaving you. I talked her out of it for now, but I’m starting to regret that.”
He looked up at hearing the name of the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.“You talked her out of that?” he smiled, his voice coloured with surprise, but followed by a look filled with sadness. She was slipping away from him, because he was being too stubborn, no, too scared to go through with the surgery.
She nodded. “I did, but I wish I hadn’t.”
“It doesn’t even matter.” He replied, trying to sound harsh, when in reality he again realized what he was about to throw away . “I can’t be with someone who doesn’t support my decisions and trust my judgement.”
“Maybe, just MAYBE, that’s because your judgement totally sucks in this case. I can’t blame her for her point of view and decision to leave you if you keep jeopardizing your health.”Her voice was dripping with sarcasm, her blue eyes showed worry, with a hint of anger.

“Owh, is that so?!” Brian yelled. “Then WHY are YOU still here?!” He stood up and walked up to her,his arms crossed in front of his chest, his eyes blazing with fury, a thousand thoughts racing through his mind, but his main concern was to not let her see how devastated he was about Leighanne’s decision.
“Because I want you to make the right decision!”
“I think I can do that by myself, thank you!!”
“No, you obviously can’t.”
“I’ve had enough of this bullshit.” Brian threw his arms up in the air in exasperation. “In case you forgot, it’s MY life!!”
“Take a look around, Brian! You’re decision to have the surgery or not, affects our lives, MY life too! I can’t lose you too, dammit. And NO, I don’t care how selfish that may sound. Chances are that you DIE if you continue to live like this. I don’t want to the last memory I have of you to be made in a year or two or even less. I don’t want t bury my best friend, because you were too stubborn to choose life. I’d rather walk out of your life now and make it my decision instead of watching you make the biggest mistake of your life.” He watched her turn around, run up the stairs, then he heard the slamming of the door to her room.

Brian sat down on the couch, rubbed his face with both hands and let loose a long sigh. She was the third person to yell at him like this. First Kevin, then Leighanne and now Wendy turned against him. Deep down he knew they were right, but fear held him back. He knew he should call the hospital and make an appointment, but the possibility that he might not make it because of his decision was too hard to handle. It was like he then signed his own death sentence..

Fifteen minutes later she walked down the stairs, carrying a big backpack stuffed with what he suspected to be clothes and such. She was wearing her jacket and the tinted sunglasses A.J. gave her. Brian looked up as she walked past him. “Wendy?”
She stopped for a second at hearing him speak her name, but then continued her way to the hall closet.
“Where are you going?” he asked, his voice unsteady. He had an idea what she was about to say, that was, if she was going to say anything.
“Over to Suzie’s.” she replied, her back turned to him as she got her blue leather cowboyboots with the high heels out of the closet. “Gonna stay there for a few days, so you know where to find me in case you need me.” She said, then whispered. “Which I doubt..”
“Don’t say that.” Came the response from right behind her, which made her jump, almost causing her to fall over since she had only put on one boot. She dropped the other one and turned around to see Brian standing right behind her. “Why? What’s changed since I ran up like an idiot?” she asked carefully as she removed the sunglasses.

“I.. It’s just- I don’t wanna die, but I-“
“What is it, Bri-bri?” she asked, as she gently took his trembling hands in hers.
“I’m scared. I didn’t want anyone to know, but I’m freaking scared..”
“Like we didn’t know that, silly.. We never mentioned it, because we know how you’d react if we did..”
“Like an idiot.” Brian sighed. “Just like I did now.”
“You said it, I was thinking the same thing.” She smiled. “So..”
“I think I need to make some calls..” he replied, a frown displayed on his features. This wasn’t going to be easy. Deep down he already knew he had no choice, he just needed one more person to tell him that, one more warning before he could do what he had to do.

“Not yet.”
“Not yet? First you tell me I need to make an appointment like yesterday, and now I have to wait?” He had a puzzled look on his face as he stared at her. “You lost me..”
“First I need you to help me take off this boot.” she laughed. “My foot is sorta stuck.. I knew I should’ve bought a bigger size..”
“So why didn’t you?” Brian chuckled.
“Because they didn’t have it..” she blushed.
“You women and your shoes, I’ll never understand it..” He shook his head as he kneeled down and gently grabbed her ankle. He lifted her foot and she put her hand on his shoulder so she could keep her balance.
“Ready?”he asked. She nodded after which he pulled, with too much force, causing her to fall over, and him to fall backward. When he sat up, they looked at each other and bursted into laughter, Wendy sprawled on the floor and Brian holding one blue leather boot.

For some reason, he was furious at her. WHY was she so strong back then and was she not able to be as strong today? Why couldn’t she fight this mysterious enemy like she had fought against his stubbornness, fought against A.J.’s demons with him, and fought against depression after her parents died? Why didn’t she fight like she had fought so many times before? Why was she giving up now? He couldn’t lose her, he wanted her to choose life too. He didn’t want to say goodbye, he wanted her to see Baylee grow up, wanted her to find true love and get married, have children of her own. He could NOT lose her. He’d do whatever was necessary to save her, but it seemed like there was nothing he could do. Money was not an issue, but until now, the money spent on tests and experts visiting her, had not changed a thing about the situation. He hated not being able to change the situation. There was nothing he could do, but watch her getting weaker and weaker every day. He wanted to yell and scream at her, tell her that she needed to fight harder. He wanted things to be normal again. A little voice told him that they weren’t, because of her. All of this was her fault. Her fault. Her fault.

“Dammit!!! Damn you!!” He yelled, out of frustration about the whole ordeal. He grabbed the first thing in his reach and threw it across the room with all his might. It turned out to be an empty glass, that shattered into a thousand pieces as it hit the wall. Brian buried his face in his hands as he tried to calm down. This wasn’t her fault, none of it was. He was just so scared of losing her, that it was easier to get angry than to accept the truth. She was dying. The one who always chose life, was now slowly slipping away..

Kevin and Dr. Greene ran into her room, finding Debra there checking Wendy’s vital signs. When she heard them come in, she turned her head to see who was there, then continued to do her job.
“How is she?! Tell me she’s okay, tell me we didn’t lose her again!!” Kevin rushed out as he raked his hands through his hair.
“Lose her again?” She asked. “Kevin, what are you talking about? Nothing has changed. I saw someone had called for a nurse, so I rushed over, only to find the room empty and Wendy in exactly the same state she was in when I went home last night.” Debra took the sphygmomanometer of Wendy’s arm and turned around while folding the cuff, worry displayed on her features as she looked at Kevin.
“But.. She woke up!! I was with her when she woke up! She said she wasn’t feeling okay, I called for a nurse twice, but nobody came in. I yelled for help, and still no response. That’s when I ran out to get
Dr. Greene.. She-”
“But Kevin, I rushed over as soon as I saw the little red light come on. You weren’t here.”
“That’s ridiculious. I stayed with her for a minute or so after-”
“Kevin, are you sure she regained consciousness?” Dr. Greene interrupted, not only worried about Wendy’s situation, but Kevin’s too. Kevin began to think this was all one big terrible joke as he took Wendy’s hand in his. “Ofcourse I’m sure!” he yelled. “I’m not crazy, Dr. Greene. I can see what you’re thinking, but YES she regained consciousness!” He then turned to Wendy, who seemed to be totally unaware of what was happening. “Wendy? Come on girl, this cannot be happening again! Open your eyes for me, just like-”
“Kevin, she didn’t. Everything shows that there haven’t been any recent changes.” Debra exchanged glares with Dr. Greene who seemed to be buying her story. He seemed to be worried about Kevin, which was exactly what she wanted to accomplish.

Kevin turned his head and looked at Dr. Greene. “Would you just check on her?” he asked.
Dr. Greene placed his hand on the man’s shoulder as he let loose a long sigh. “Kevin, I think Debra is qualified enough to judge Wendy’s condition.”
“It’s okay, Dr. Greene.” Debra said, trying to sound as innocent as possible and a little hurt too.
“No Debra, it’s not. Listen, I know you’re worried about her and you have every reason to be. But if Debra says she hasn’t woken up recently, she hasn’t. She doesn’t show any sign of being conscious. You probably had a dream that seemed very realistic. Go home, take a shower, eat a decent meal and stay at home tonight, sleep in a bed for once. There’s nothing you can do for her, especially now that you’re exhausted yourself. If she does wake up eventually, she’s going to need you to be there for her and not suffering from exhaustion or sleep deprivation.” Dr. Greene knew he was being harsh on him, but he didn’t know any other way to get through to him.
Kevin looked at Debra, feelings of shame and exhaustion washed over him. “You’re right. I’m sorry Debra.”
“It’s okay.” She gave him a polite smile.
“No, it’s not. It’s just, it seemed so real..” Kevin sounded devastated as he turned his gaze back to Wendy. He closed his eyes and again wished that things were different. She did wake up, didn’t she? She even talked to him, or was it indeed all a dream? A dream that turned into a nightmare now that he was told she never regained consciousness. Kevin rubbed his face and blinked back tears of disappointment. Was he slowly going insane?

~~~~

“Do you remember when she gave you that scare on Halloween?” Nick smiled.
“Which year?” A.J. chuckled. “She managed to scare us every damn year.”
“The year she teamed up with some people.”
“Nick, she did that quite a lot.” Howie laughed as he sat down at the table. They were at A.J.’s place, waiting for Brian, Leighanne and Baylee to arrive. They had planned on having dinner together, trying to keep things in a happy mood for a change.
“You know exactly what I’m talking about Jay.” The youngest smirked. “You screamed like a little girl.”
“I think I know where this is going.” Howie laughed. “Besides Nick, did you forget-”
“And I think it’s time for me to call Rok to see if they didn’t forget about dinner at my place.” A.J. blushed, took his cellphone out of his pocket and flipped it open.


"Alex, I think something is wrong with Brian!!” Wendy stood before him, blocking his view from the tv.
“Sure, sunshine. You’re not getting to me this year.” A.J. smiled. “Please move so I can watch the movie.”
“You’re watching ‘Halloween’? Again?!” Nick said as he walked in the living room. “Where’s Rok?”
“Something’s wrong with Brian!! But Alex doesn’t believe me...” she panicked. “Please Nick, I need your help!”
“Pffsh.. sure.. I’ll go see what’s ‘wrong’ with Brian, except for being an idiot, like usual.” Nick smiled. She took him by the arm and rushed him upstairs.

Half an hour later, A.J. heard a couple of terrifying screams, but didn’t even turn to see where it came from. “Nice try guys!” he yelled as he shook his head. She wasn’t going to get to him this year, no way! This year, he’d be his cool self, he would not cry like a little baby or run out of the house. This year, he was going to win. “ALEX!!” he then heard coming from upstairs, which made him jump slightly. That was Nick and Lord knew that Nick was a terrible actor. “JAY!!” he heard Nick’s voice again. “HELP!!”
He felt shivers run down his spine, even though he still felt this was all one big Halloween prank. Despite that, he got up and slowly walked towards the stairs. “Nick?” he softly asked, then realized that nobody could have possibly heard that. “Nick?!” he continued a bit louder, but he didn’t get an answer. “Wendy? This isn’t funny anymore! Are you okay up there?” As he set one foot on the stairs, all the power went out. Now he started laughing. They were so stupid if they thought he was going to fall for this. How cliché to cut the power and think he’d still fall for it. “Guys?” he muttered. “Guys, this isn’t funny. Yeah, you got me, now stop all of this bullshit. You are so childish, trying to pull pranks every damn year. I’ve totally had it. Give it up, come back downstairs and act like adults. Or at least TRY..” He turned around and was about to walk back into the living room, to just sit and wait for them to give it up and admit that it was all a bad joke when he thought he heard something.

“Alex?” he heard someone cry. “Please, Brian, NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” he heard her scream, which made him almost fall down the stairs. He could just grab the banister to prevent himself from falling. He slowly made his way up the stairs, feeling his body shiver, still hoping this was all one of her Halloween pranks.
But when he opened the door to Brian’s room, he could no longer deny that this was not a joke. He saw Nick lying there on Brian’s bed, his back turned to him, his shirt and the sheets covered in blood.
“Nick, t-t-this is not f-f-funny anymore.” A.J. stuttered as he walked over to his youngest friend. When he put his hand on Nick’s side and rolled him over, he prepared himself for his friends to yell that they got him, again. But instead he let out a scream, when he noticed there was someone else on the bed. Behind Nick was Wendy, her body too covered in blood, her shirt ripped apart and several cuts on her arms and neck. “They.. they’re..” he trailed off. They were holding hands. He didn’t understand. Why were they holding hands?

“Brian!! THEY ARE IN LOVE, THEY’RE NOT HURTING ANYONE!!” That yelling came from another room. There was only one man who could bellow like that and that someone didn’t usually participate in this kind of stupid pranks. Wendy and Nick. They were holding hands, was Kevin talking about them? And why was Brian against it if it was true? A.J. didn’t like the sound of this, but felt like he had to go see what the hell was going on. “HE WON’T HURT HER!!” A.J. heard panic in Kevin’s voice, something he had never heard before, followed by a cry of pain and a sound he couldn’t explain. “BRIAN, DON’T DO THIS! Bri-”
A.J. froze when he heard Kevin gurgle. It sounded like he was choking or something. This could not be happening.. this could not be true.

“I’m just having a nightmare. A fucking night-” He stopped midsentence when he felt someone tap on his shoulder. “Boo..” someone whispered into his ear, which made him jump to the ceiling and scream like a little girl. In response he heard a lot of laughter and as he turned around he saw Nick and Wendy standing behind him, laughing hysterically. “We are sooo in love..” They said in unison, still holding hands and giving each other a kiss on the lips, followed by a lot of hysterical laughter.
“You, you!! I KNEW it!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!” A.J. yelled in frustration. He should’ve known this was all a bunch of bullshit. But nooooo, again he had almost peed his pants. He hit Nick over the head and shot Wendy an angry glare. “Bunch of idiots.. That’s what you are.. A bunch of-”
“Jay..” Came from the door, so A.J. turned around only to see Kevin standing there, holding his neck with both hands. “You didn’t even to my rescue..” Kevin dropped his hands, that were covered in fake-blood and revealed a neck that was supposed to look sliced. A.J. walked over to his friend and hit him on the chest. “She’s got to you TOO! Damn, I can’t believe this.” He muttered, only to be met by another round of laughter. “Yeah, you laugh, bunch of idiots. Now where’s the so-called murderer?!”
He heard someone coming up the stairs, who was also laughing. “My my, you can scream, Jay.” Brian chuckled as he entered the room, his shirt and jeans covered in what was supposed to be Nick’s, Wendy’s and Kevin’s blood. “And you didn’t even get to meet my new friend, Mr. Knife.” He held up a huge knife.
“Guess we had to tell you it was one kick-ass prank before you peed your pants, Mr. Scares-Easily.” Nick chuckled, as he put his hand on A.J.’s shoulder. “We thought you were gonna pass out man.”

A.J. felt his face turn red, knowing he was going to hear about this for years. He should’ve known they’d pull something like this, like they did every year. Sometimes they’d pull a prank on one of the others, or on Aaron but they did something every year. How could he have been so stupid, again?! “So, D. Come out, come out wherever you are..” he yelled, seeing he was the only one missing.
“D. isn’t here, Jay. Believe it or not, he’s on a date.” Kevin replied, while cleaning himself up with an old towel.
“Yeah right.” A.J. rolled his eyes. “And he’s gonna jump out of that closet any second now.”
“No seriously, he’s on a date with Mya.” Brian confirmed as he took of his shirt. “Come on, Alex. He is. They’re out to dinner if I remember correctly. You can call him if you don’t believe us.”
“Hell no.” The rebel muttered. “Besides, D always has dates, so why should this evening be any different?!”

“Guys..” Wendy whispered.
“Aaargh.. I still can’t believe this.”
“Guys!” she repeated.
“Yeah?” Brian asked her, as he watched her shaking. “What’s wrong, girl?”
Kevin took a step forward. “Are you feeling okay?”
“Owh come on, Wendy. It’s not funny anymore. The prank is over.” A.J. sighed.
Nick felt Wendy squeeze his hand and noticed she was swaying on her feet, so he held her by the waist. “This isn’t part of the prank, Jay. I swear.” He whispered. “Wendy?”
She looked at Brian, her eyes telling him she was terrified. “If D.’s on a date, then who’s that?” her voice quivered. Then she fainted and fell into Nick’s arms, who responded just in time to prevent her from falling to the floor. SlowlyNick looked up as he held her, the other men turned around, and saw a man locking the door after which he threw the key out of the open window. He was dressed in black, holding an axe and wearing a white mask. “Now, it’s my turn to kill.. For real..” he said in a deep voice as he lunged forward towards Brian, who screamed and jumped away just in time.
Panic washed over the men as they tried to avoid the axe killer who seemed to be totally insane, swinging around the axe as if it were a toy. Nick was so scared that he even dropped Wendy to the floor, causing Kevin to yell at him, but he immediately shut his mouth as the man now lunged at him.
”This is part of the prank, right guys?!” A.J. yelled as he tried to get to the door.
“NO!!” Nick screamed as he frantically tried to open the door, but it was to no avail.
“Now what do we have here?!” the man growled as he bent down next to Wendy, his eyes still on the cousins who had no idea of how to help her. “You stay away from her!” Kevin bellowed.
“Stay back.. or else!!” the man yelled as he held the axe right above her neck. A few inches lower and with a little force he could decapitate her. He then turned to look at her and caressed her cheek.

“Go ahead. Kill her!! Just leave us alone!!” A.J. yelled.
“ALEX!” Brian, Nick and Kevin yelled in unison as they all turned to look at him, so shocked about what he said that for a moment they totally forgot about the man that threatened to kill them.
“What? I don’t wanna die.You can have her.” He cried.
“Fine by me.” The man let out an evil laugh as he knelt down beside her, lifting the axe above his head.
“NOOOOOO!!!” Brian fell to his knees and closed his eyes, not able to be a witness to this.
“Or would you like me to help you up?” He then heard a soft and familiar say.
“I thought you’d never ask, D.” Wendy replied as she sat up and bursted into giggles.
“Revenge sure tastes sweet.” A.J. bursted into laughter when he saw shock written all over Nick’s, Brian’s and Kevin’s face as Howie removed the mask and revealed his true identity. “Thanks D. for helping me to get back at these evil, evil people. Too bad you scared the crap out of me first..”


I'm not that good at writing humorous stuff in English, so I hope I did okay.. Please leave me a review.. pretty pretty please..

Kevin decided to take Dr. Greene’s advice and went home that afternoon. He made himself a simple sandwich, then stared out of the window for almost an hour before he forced himself to eat. After he sorted out his mail, he took a shower, then decided to go straight to bed, even though it was only 8.15 pm.
Two hours later, Kevin was still awake and he found himself staring at the ceiling, trying to process the events that took place earlier that day. The more he thought about it, the more he got convinced that she did wake up. He could still hear her say ‘Hey’ and feel how she leaned against the palm of his hand. She did regain consciousness, she really, really did. But how come that Debra said she didn’t? How could that be? What happened to Wendy after he ran off? What illness could make it seem like she didn’t wake up, didn’t open her eyes, like she didn’t say a word? What was happening to her? So many questions, but none of them could be answered. Kevin rolled over to grab the phone of his night stand.

~~~~

As she walked into Brian’s house, she knew there was no way of hiding this from the others. Before she went to see him, she promised to tell them how he was when she got back. She knew them well, they’d be sitting in the living room, pretending to watch tv, but in reality they’d all be thinking of how he was holding up. They had all wanted to visit him, but he had told them he didn’t want to see any of his bandmates, and for once they complied, each of them scared to, since he was there mostly because of their doing. She just wished Leighanne was home, but she was visiting a friend and decided to spend the night at her place, so she wouldn’t have to drive home in the middle of the night. For some reason, she thought that Leighanne would understand.

As she took off her coat, she could hear how the conversation in the living room suddenly came to an end. Before walking in, she looked at herself in the mirror. There was no way she could tell them it was nothing. Her skin was red and burning, his handprint still visible. “I- I’m home.” She yelled, even though she already knew they knew she was. She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before exhaling.

Walking into the living room, she saw she was right. The tv was on, but nobody was really watching. As if on cue, Kevin turned to look at her first, then Brian and Nick and Howie did the same two seconds later. She knew they couldn’t see her face just yet, because of the lack of light. Taking another deep breath, she stepped forward, bracing herself for the comments and questions.

“How was- WHAT THE HELL?!” Ofcourse he was the first to see, nothing went by him unnoticed.
“Geez Kev, why are- Owh my God!” That would be his cousin.
“Ouch girl... sit down..” That would be the Latino talking, gently taking her by the hand and making her sit down inbetween himself and Nick, who was speechless for a moment, then his face turned red and she could tell he was trying to stay calm, not managing to do so for long. “Did HE do this?!”
“Guys, I- “
“He is SO gonna regret this.”
“Are you alright?”
“Guys, please - “
“I can’t believe he did this.”
“GUYS!”
“Owh my God.. I’m gonna get some ice.”

“HEY!”
Finally it became silent, and all eyes were fixed on her as she sadly smiled at the man who finally managed to calm everyone down by raising his voice. “Thanks D.”
“So-“
“Kev, please. Bri, please sit down.”
“But-“
“I don’t want to put ice on this. I don’t want to- I don’t want to talk about it.“
“But Wendy-”
“This is between Alex and me, okay? It’s none of your business.” She calmly replied, as she looked at each of the men for a few seconds, her gaze fixed on Kevin and Nick the longest, since they were the ones most likely to go and ‘talk’ to AJ about what he had done.
“Hell yes it is now that he’s hurt you.” Kevin muttered, shaking his head as he watched her trying to keep her act up. She wasn’t doing such a good job, since all of them could see right through, especially Brian. But he didn’t say anything, determined to talk to her about this later on. He knew better than to press on, unlike his cousin who just wouldn’t drop the issue.

“Kev, please..” she pleaded.
“You won’t visit him anytime soon, understood?”
“You can’t tell me whether I can go visit him or not, Kevin. In fact, I’m gonna go see him tomorrow.”
“No fucking way.”
Kevin nodded as he looked at Nick, then turned to lock his eyes with hers. “What he said.”
“I will. I want him to see what he’s done. I want him to see what happens when he loses control and tell him what the consequences might be.”
“At least put some ice on it, girl..” Brian now pleaded.
“You won’t go Wendy.” Kevin gently said, as persistent as ever.
“No Bri.. I don’t wanna make things look any better than they are. Tomorrow I’ll try to give him a wake-up call for the last time. If even this won’t work, I don’t know what will..” she sadly smiled.
“Wendy-“
“Kev, please don’t. Come with me then tomorrow. But whether you like it or not, I will go and see him. Now please drop it, okay? All I want to do right now is watch a scary movie with these four handsome men to comfort me when it gets too scary for me to handle.” She smiled.

Brian got the hint, and got up to get a video. “Sesame Street it is for the young lady.” He smirked.”Oops, did I say young lady? I meant the young blonde baby sitting next to her.” He ducked away just in time, so that the pillow Nick threw at him missed it’s target.
“Rok, any popcorn in the house?”
“Yeah.”
“Can’t the two of you watch a movie without popcorn just for once?” Howie rolled his eyes.
“Nope.” The two men replied in unison.
“Wendy, please just don’t go.”
“I’ll help you Bri.” Wendy said as she got up to follow her best friend into the kitchen, pretending not to hear Kevin’s plead. She had made up her mind and there was nothing he could do or say to change it.

“Are you okay, baby?” Brian asked as he very gently cupped her face in his hands.
“Bri-Bri..”she sighed.
“I’ll drop it after you answer me, I swear. Scouts honor. Just tell me if you are okay.”
“You were never a boys scout.” She smiled.
“Exactly. Now please tell me. Are you okay?”
At first she nodded, which slowly transformed into shaking her head. “Not really. But-“
“We’ll talk later. I know.” Brian hugged her. “I just needed to know. Now let’s get Nicky some popcorn before he starts eating D. instead.” He let go and winked at her. That made her giggle, just like he hoped it would.
“POPCOOOOOOOOORN!!” came Nick’s voice from the living room.
“We better hurry!!” Brian chuckled. “D., are you okay or is Nick nibbling at your feet already?”

“Eeeeeeeeeeew...”
“I’m fine Bri, for now.. I don’t think I can fight him off much longer though!!” Howie chuckled.
“Wendy to the rescue!!” She plopped down inbetween the young men a few seconds later, giving each of them a Coke, after which she threw one over to Kevin.
“Now I may have to start on you though..” Nick smirked as he took her hand. He brought it to his mouth, then gently placed a kiss on top of it.
“Hands off my girl, Frack..” Brian hit him over the head as he walked by, holding a huge bowl filled with the snack the youngest had asked for.
“Your girl, you wish.” Nick stuck out his tongue at his best friend as he grabbed a handful of the popcorn. He stuffed most of it in his mouth, then looped an arm around her and pulled her a bit closer. She leaned against his chest, closed her eyes for a second and sighed before again plastering a fake smile on her features. “So what movie is it gonna be, guys?”
“I say, a classic.”
“Nick, not ‘A nightmare on Elmstreet’ again..” Howie sighed.
“Friday the 13th it is, my lady.” Brian grinned as he pressed ‘play’. “Can you handle that Nicky boy?”
“Hey if not, I think I got all the comfort I’ll need right here.” Nick winked.
“D., if he gets any worse than this.. please save me!” Wendy joked as she softly poked Nick in the side.
“You can count on me, girl.” Howie chuckled. “Nick, you have been warned.”
“Hmm, Bri did you hear something?” Nick whistled as he looked up to the ceiling, which brought out laughter from everyone, except for Kevin.

Kevin didn’t say another word that evening, his mind wandering off to dark places. Occasionally he glanced at her, seeing the hurt in her eyes even though she tried not to show it. He was determined to find out what happened between AJ and her earlier that night. But first, he had to make sure she’d be okay. First try to talk her out of going back, but if she insisted, like he knew she would, he’d go with her. And if AJ would only look at her in the wrong way, he was going to pay for doing so.

About an hour later, she was sleeping against Nick’s chest. Brian was the first to notice since he was sitting across from her and he had been glancing at her occasionally to make sure she was alright, under the circumstances.
“She’s asleep.” He whispered, but Nick didn’t hear since he was caught up in the movie. Howie heard him though, so he tapped Nick on the shoulder and filled him in. The youngest nodded, carefully lifted his arm and gently scooped her up, walked up the stairs, waited for Howie to open the door to her room, walked in and placed her on her bed. Then he watched Howie cover her with a blanket.

“Coming, D?” he whispered to his friend who seemed to be in deep thought. “In a sec.” he replied.
Nick nodded and decided to leave the room, it seemed like his friend needed some time alone with her, even though she wasn’t aware of his presence. Howie pulled up a chair and sat down next to her bed, his hands clasped, elbows resting on his knees. He couldn’t take his eyes off her cheek and even touched it for a second, which made her stir in her sleep. He had hardly said a word about the incident, but it hurt him more than she could imagine. Nick en Kevin were obviously very, very angry at AJ, but Howie was nothing more than sad at this point. Sad it had come to this.
AJ was no longer himself, but someone Howie sometimes wished they didn’t know. He softly kissed her on her forehead, before he turned around to walk out. In the doorway he stopped, once again looking at her. So much on his mind, but no way he’d tell her. After taking one more glance, he stepped out and closed the door behind him.

Howie remembered all of this like it was yesterday. She had told him how she was scared to face them, knowing how Kevin and Nick would respond. Wendy told him she was happy he reacted the way he did. Non-judgemental and not asking any questions. He had acted like it didn’t happen and that was what she needed back then. But why couldn’t he give her what she needed now? Why wasn’t he able to help her this time? Now that it was ten times more crucial, now that it was a matter of life or death. He felt like he failed her, just like he failed to help his sister or A.J. when they needed him. His rational side told him there was nothing he could do, but pray that they would find a cure in time to save her. His emotions told him otherwise. Howie sighed as he folded the paper he pretended to read. “I don’t know what to do anymore.. I just don’t know.” He whispered.

~~~~

“Brian?”
“Hey Kev..”
“Am I calling at a bad time?” Kevin softly said as he sat up.
“No, it’s okay.” Brian smiled as he watched Leighanne brush her hair, just like she did every night before going to bed. Brian sat down on the bed, his back turned to his wife as he tried to continue the conversation and taking off his socks at the same time. “I think I know why you’re calling.”
“Is that so?” Kevin surprisedly asked as he reached for the glass of water on his nightstand.
Brian nodded. “Yes. I got a call from Dr. Greene today.”
“So he told you about Wendy waking up?”
Brian hesitated. “Well, he told me about you telling him she woke up..”
“She did wake up Brian. I was with her when she did.” Kevin shook his head. He knew where this was going. Brian didn’t believe him. He would believe whatever Dr. Greene said and not even consider the possibility that Wendy did wake up and somehow go back to the state she was in before.
“I don’t know how to say this, Kev. As much as I want to believe you, she didn’t wake up. Dr. Greene repeatedly told me she didn’t. They have no reason to believe that she did.” Brian had tried to respond as careful as possible. The last thing he wanted was to scare his cousin away again.
“But Bri-”
“You’re wrong, Kev. You must have been dreaming. I had a similar experience a while back where-”
“No Brian. I’m sure. She-”
“I worry about you, Kev. Please promise me you’ll take to Dr. Ryan about this, okay? Please?”
Kevin let out a sigh of defeat. He knew there was nothing he could do or say that would convince Brian, so he decided not to try anymore. “I will, alright.. I will.. Tell Leigh I said hi, okay?”
“I will. Talk to you later, cuz.”
Both cousins hung up. The eldest was determined to find out what happened, while the youngest went to his son’s room to check on him, his cousin’s words still in the back of his mind. What if- No, that was ridiculious.

A.J. was sitting in his living room, his feet on the coffee table, his head resting against one of the pillows and his eyes closed. For some reason he was suddenly having nightmares again about the darkest period of his life. The period in which he hurt the ones closest to him. Time and time again. He let out a sigh. Last night hadn’t been any different. He had no idea as to why these memories were haunting him in his sleep now. They weren’t angry or sad over it anymore. He had apologized a million times and they had accepted his apologies every single time.
A.J. let out a sigh. The last time he visited her was three days ago. For some reason, he felt guilty again everytime he saw her and it only brought back more memories.

"Let us help you!! We're here for you..please.."
"Leave me alone!!! I don't need help, YOU do!! The stupid sucker with the broken family that can't even take care of himself!!!!!!!!!"
"STOP IT!!"
"And YOU, still sobbing over your parents'death! Get a LIFE!!"

A.J. shook his head in an attempt to get rid of the memory that had been haunting him last night. He was such an idiot back then. So in denial and verbally agressive to everyone around him. He even got away with it for a while. That was until Kevin thought it had been enough and he didn’t take his bullshit anymore. If it hadn’t been for his friends, he probably wouldn’t be breathing today.

”LEAVE ME ALONE!”
“Fine, but don’t expect me to come rescue your sorry ass one more time!!” Kevin growled.
“FINE!!” A.J. spat.
“A.J., please..”
“Oh SHUT UP, you so-called saint. Get OUT!! I don’t need you anymore!!”
“Let’s just go, Brian.”
”Yeah you do that, D. Get the hell out of my sight!!”

A.J. thanked God that they didn’t give up on him and decided to stand by him while he went into rehab. He needed them to get his life back on track and still needed them today. He needed her. He needed her to fight. But it seemed like she was fighting a demon that was too strong for her. She had been through so much and always found a way to overcome the worst of situations. Until now.

~~~~

She sat behind the desk, just like every shift when none of the patients needed her help. But today everything was about to change. She’d be there to comfort Kevin when Dr. Greene or Lockhart would tell them that Wendy had lost the fight against the mysterious enemy. She’d hold him, soothe him and tell him that maybe now his friend had found peace. And the best thing was that there’d be no way of saving her. When she would inject that amount of Xynelyxoniamide, Wendy’s body would immediately shut down, go into cardiac arrest and there’d be nothing they could do to revive her. Debra smiled at the thought. And even if that wouldn’t make Kevin fall in love with her, at least he’d have to bury one of his friends... So she would win either way.. Either Kevin would be happily in love with her, or he’d be as depressed as hell..

~~~~

The five young men were all at Brian’s who himself sat on the couch, his face tear streaked and his eyes puffy and red. The others had decided to go over to check on him, since Kevin got worried after the call and couldn’t get in touch with him to ask him what he had been talking about. So there they all were. Howie, Nick and A.J. on one couch and the cousins on the one across from them. Brian was fiddling with a coaster and seemed unaware of the presence of the others until Kevin softly squeezed his shoulder in an attempt to get his attention. Brian turned his head to look at him, but remained silent since he had the feeling he wouldn’t be able to speak even if he tried.
“What’s wrong? You talked about being needed somewhere else. What happened?” Kevin asked.
“Boys...” Jackie Littrell started as she walked into the living room. She too looked like she had been crying.
She stopped behind Brian and gently rubbed his shoulders. “It’s about-”
“It-it’s okay, mom.” Brian cleared his throat. “I’ll tell them, alright?”
“Okay Brian..” Jackie kissed him on top of his head, again gently squeezed his shoulders and walked up the stairs, leaving behind the five men. As she disappeared out of sight, they could hear a sob escaping her.

Brian threw the coaster on the coffee table and took a deep breath before breaking the news to the others. “David and Julia died tonight.” He rushed out with his eyes closed and his hands clasped. None of the others reacted at first, but a few seconds later they all started talking at the same time.
“Oh my God..”
“Wendy’s parents?! What happened?!”
“This cannot be true.”
“How’s Wendy?”
“God Nick, how do you THINK she is?!” Kevin spat at the question asked by the youngest, who now kept his gaze fixed on the carpet, feeling ashamed of himself for asking. Howie shot Kevin a glare and rested his hand on Nick’s wrist. “It’s okay Nick, I was wondering the same thing.”
“Sorry Nick, I didn’t mean it like that, okay?” Kevin softly said, now realizing what the youngest had meant by the question. It was obvious to all that she’d be devastated, but even that came in different degrees. Nick simply nodded in response, his gaze still fixed on the carpet.

The sound of sobbing made everyone turn their attention back to Brian who was again crying, just like he had been ever since the news sank in. Kevin hugged him and just let him cry into his shoulder. A few minutes later, Brian wiped away the tears and turned to face the others. “They were in a c-car accident..” he stuttered. “When I called you, I was over at Wendy’s who told me the news. She was... “ his voice trailed off.
“She was what, Rok?” A.J. asked.
“Oh.. right.. She was in shock. Like distant and stuff. The police had stopped by to tell her and then just left her by herself.. So she called me and wouldn’t tell me what was wrong at first, but when she did. Oh my God.” Brian whispered. “She just got totally hysterical and clung onto me as if to make sure I wouldn’t leave her by herself too. And that’s when I called you.” Brian said as he looked at his cousin who held his head in his hands.

“So.. Where is she now? At Suzie’s?”
Brian shook his head as he rubbed his face. “She’s here, in the guestroom. Suzie’s with her. My parents thought it’d be best if there were adults around and since her parents are out for the weekend...”
“How is she holding up?”Howie softly asked.
“Hopefully she’s asleep by now. Doctor came by to check on her and prescribed a mild sedative to help her to get some rest for now.” Brian sighed. “Think I could use some too. You should’ve seen her. So.. so...“
“Lost?” Nick tried.
“Yeah.. Lost..”

A feeling he knew all too well. He didn’t even want his mind to wander off to that part of his life. He didn’t want to think of this memory either, but lately it seemed like he didn’t have a choice. Memories of difficult times in his own life, or those of his friends, chose to haunt him whenever he had nothing to do. So he felt like he had to keep himself busy. As Nick walked out of his house he glanced at a picture on the wall. Howie, A.J., himself, Brian, Wendy, Suzie and Kevin all acted goofy when Brian’s father had made the picture. Seeing it now, brought a smile to Nick’s face, which fell away when he realized one person was now missing in his life. As he closed the door behind him on his way out to go over to A.J.’s place, he could only think of her. Maybe she was just lost in her struggle to find the strength to recover. And if she was, there was nothing he could do to help her this time. Absolutely nothing. “FUCK!” he hissed as he slammed his hands on the steering wheel. “Fuck..”