Prologue:

His stare was intense as he gazed out the glass plated window, his light brows furled in concentration while his eyes traveled the length of the darkening skyline. Pockets of frustration bubbled through his system like the threatening clouds that were beginning to form, billowing across the path of the burning sun and slowly blocking out its warmth and light. Brian's cerulean orbs remained fixated upon the dusty glass, his stare eerily calm and almost unreadable as he let out a barely audible sigh, finally closing his eyes against his disarrayed reflection in the window.

"Brian?" A strong hand came to rest on his right shoulder, grasping his attention immediately. Brian took a faltered step backward, shying away from the touch as he craned his neck and looked over his shoulder. His cousin stood behind him, offering a tight crooked smile as an apology for taking him by surprise. Brian looked away though, breaking the short stare as he glanced down to the cream colored carpeting. Kevin fought to contain his frown, rubbing at the back of his neck in a weary manner. He couldn't say he understood how Brian was feeling at that very moment. No one could even begin to comprehend Brian's nightmare, but they had all suffered the same loss, too. Kevin however knew better to leave the subject be, recognizing the fragility of his cousin's tattered emotions. "You about ready to go?" he finally asked, his voice wavering slightly. But he didn't need to hear Brian's answer. Kevin already knew because his heart was aching just the same. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn't see any reason in them staying a moment longer. Holding out hope seemed like just another futile attempt at keeping hold of their faith. Kevin had lost that hope, choosing to face their loss instead of living in denial and accepting what was reality. But it pained him to watch Brian slowly wither as the younger Kentuckian desperately clung to a thin silver lining in his nightmare that Kevin felt in his heart was never there. "The van pulled up a few minutes ago. Howie is already down there waiting."

"This isn't right," Brian murmured in a tone barely above a whisper, pursing his lips into a thin line as he turned to face the window again. He clenched his eyes shut tightly, willing the tears to keep at bay, but he felt them slowly begin to trickle down his sun scorched cheeks. His chest ached, even though he couldn't tell which was worse between the physical and the emotional pain. He could barely even think straight, let alone comprehend the outcome of the whole situation. Brian turned around, his murky eyes searching his cousin's face in desperation. "This isn't right, Kevin... Why are we leaving? We need to stay here-"

Kevin didn't hesitate. He reached forward, quickly pulling Brian into his arms for a strong embrace as the man stifled a heartfelt sob of anguish. "We can't stay here anymore. It's not helping anything; you and I both know it. They've searched the area several times, but they still haven't found him...or any sign that he was even there with you-"

Brian's body immediately tensed as he gripped the cotton material of Kevin's navy blue polo shirt into each fist. He trembled at the absurdity of his cousin's words. Still haven't found him or any sign that he was even there with you. Brian could accept that they hadn't found him yet, they just needed to keep looking. But to even suggest that he had never been there at all was enough to grab the very heart of his chest, rip it out, and shred it to the smallest pieces. "He was there!" he insisted, but the words barely slipped past his lips and were only muffled against Kevin's shoulder. He had been there with him, he had talked to him, he had survived with him, and Brian kept telling everyone that, but as each minute slipped by the more everyone around him tried to convince Brian otherwise.

"It's ok to let go, Brian..." Kevin tried, holding his cousin tighter as the man trembled. But Kevin knew he had made a mistake with his choice of words the moment he had let them slip. Brian began to furiously shake his head, fighting to pull away, only quickly crumbling the stature of strength Kevin had worked so hard at building.

"No...no! D-don't tell me that! He's t-there, Kevin!"

"Brian-"

"He was there! He still is!"

A knock on the door at that moment tore the cousins away from one another, looking up as Howie tentatively poked his head into the room. Howie stepped inside without a word, shutting the door behind him. "Tell him, Howie! You believe me, don't you?" Brian begged, stepping towards the shorter man as his voice cracked. Howie only stared back at him through a pained expression, burying his hands into his pant pockets for distraction. Brian shifted his gaze between both of them in desperation as the tears continued to streak the weathered skin of his cheeks. His knees quaked, threatening to give out at any moment and he brought both hands up to his head, running his cut fingers through the tangled dark golden locks. "We shouldn't be leaving, not right now. He didn't leave me, so why are you making me leave him?" he quivered, finally locking gazes with Howie's soulful chocolate orbs.

Howie bit down on his bottom lip, waiting for Kevin to help, but those words of strength they had all relied on over the years never came. Kevin seemed just as vulnerable as Howie felt, almost leaving each to individually fight against their own emotional demons. Howie wanted to be out there looking just as much as Brian wanted the same. The feeling of helplessness was strong enough to draw any grown man to his knees. But Howie could recognize when the effort was hopeless. And hope... Howie had lost that hope a long time ago. "I want to stay here just as much as you do, as much as Kevin wants to, but we've done all we can..." he replied quietly, afraid if he attempted to project his voice any louder he would lose all control. He was riding borderline on the edge of insanity as it was and to blatantly say he was ready to walk away nearly compressed the air from his chest.

"This just doesn't feel right," Brian whispered, gritting his teeth to stifle his despair as he pressed the palm of his hand against the mid point of his forehead. He felt that same pressure slowly start to grow in his chest as he sunk dejectedly into the closest chair, shutting his sight to the horror of his devastated world. He just couldn't accept what had become his reality, whether he wanted to or not. He wasn't ready to accept it, and he wasn't ready to let go... "He's there..."

Howie and Kevin exchanged solomn looks before Kevin carefully took charge again. And it took all of the strength he had in him not to dwindle down to the same emotional state his cousin had been dragged into, even when his soul was begging to burst forth with all of his own pent up emotions and fear and disbelief. "Bri, they would have found him if-"

"Stop looking at me as if I'm crazy, as if I'm speaking nonsense! You weren't there; you didn't experience what he and I went through!"

Kevin leaned back from the force of Brian's outburst, quickly placing his hand against the carpet to steady himself. He hadn't even realized he'd knelt in front of Brian in the first place. Sighing inwardly, Kevin could think of nothing else to do but nod softly. For once he was speechless and even so Brian looked displeased with Kevin's lack of words. But Kevin couldn't say he blamed his cousin for such feelings when it was entirely obvious that the only thing Brian was striving for was comfort and confirmation, and yet nobody could provide him with either. "We aren't doing ourselves any good staying here and wondering. Cuz, look at me. You know as well as I do that sitting around and worrying isn't doing any of us any good. After all you've been through... Everybody wants you home. Aunt Jackie, Uncle Harold, Harry... Leighanne and Baylee, they need you back. You'll feel better once you're home..."

"Kevin's right, Brian," Howie agreed faintly, but the conviction of his words weren't there. Somehow they sounded like a lie, as if they were abandoning one of their own. Howie grimaced, fighting against the hot tears prickling at the corners of his eyes, adding just as weakly, "As much as none of us want to admit it, it's time we go home."

Brian stood from the chair with a surprising calm as he stared Howie directly in the eyes. "Put yourself in my position and see if you still agree," he replied, his tone distant and unrecognized until he finally brushed past two of the people he needed most but was inadvertently pushing away, disappearing out the door without further words.

Chapter 1:

*2 weeks earlier*

It was one of those afternoons when Brian would have much rather been staying within the confines of his warm household, taking in the comforts of a basketball game on satellite television while lounging within his favorite recliner. Or even basking in the simple joy of just sitting back and watching his three year old son's creative imagination unfold in front of him would have suited him perfectly. Instead he found himself standing at the rear end of his ebony shaded SUV, loading the only two items of his luggage consisting of an over-stuffed Nike duffle bag and an old Jansport backpack. The bags landed with a thud against the gray inner lining allowing Brian to slam the heavy door closed. Adjusting the Wildcats cap atop his head, he stole a quick glance at his silver Rolex before returning his attention back in the direction of the door leading from the garage into the house. It was at that moment that the door was thrown open and a blurred bundle of energy came tearing through the opening with a yell, leaving Brian barely the chance to step back from the vehicle before he was nearly barreled over from his son's insistence of grabbing his father's attention.

"Daddy! I beated the 'nother level!" Baylee hollered, his bright azure eyes wide in an excitement only the child seemed to understand as he immediately tugged at his father's loose gray t-shirt, shoving the small gaming device into Brian's chest as proud evidence of his accomplishment. The internal speakers were still beeping with a low volume and Brian looked to see that the game character was dancing triumphantly around the small screen above the words 'Press Start To Continue...'. "I did it, Daddy! See?! I did it! Beat the bad guy, went ka-pow with some Ti-kwon-cow!"

Humored always by his son's growing antics, Brian grinned and reached forward to ruffle Baylee's short blonde locks. Leighanne had recently taken the little boy to one of the local barber shops, finally agreeing to trim his silky curls until all that was left were short, delicate spikes, gelled up in the front. Baylee was even pleased with the outcome, begging his father since the cut to always gel the front tips. "I guess you sure did beat the bad guy!" Brian finally answered, immediately recognizing the antsy nature of Baylee bouncing from foot to foot as he anxiously waited for deserved praise. And Brian was more then willing to give it as he returned the game to his son's awaiting hands. "Didn't Daddy say practice makes perfect?"

"No! Ti-kwon-cow makes perfect, duh!" Baylee quickly retorted, once again beginning to press against the buttons in determination, the tip of his pink tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth. Brian paused where he stood, watching his son for a moment in awe. Already three and a half years old, Baylee's interest in video games only seemed to grow each day along with his sprouting vocabulary. The sudden interest began months before one morning when Brian was about to rush out the door. He hadn't even laid one hand on the knob before Baylee was at his side begging for the bright green colored Game Boy he "sawed on the TV!". And the begging continued until Brian finally relented days later, driving to the nearest toy store in a head spin for the purchase. Since the surprise, both parents rarely were able to tear the small device from the little boy's hands, as it often kept him overly occupied.

"Don't you mean Tae-kwon-do, buddy?" Brian questioned with a smirk, launching the boy high onto his shoulders and bouncing him towards the left back door of the vehicle.

"No, ids called Ti-kwon-cow!"

"Then what is Tae-kwon-do?" Brian continued to question, tugging the door open and carefully lowering himself towards the ground so Baylee was able to safely climb inside. Not once was the boy's animated eyes torn from the screen as Brian busied himself in buckling his son in the booster seat.

Baylee shrugged, silently expressing his childish distraction. "Dunno... You the daddy..."

Brian rolled his eyes, abandoning the short conversation just as quickly. He watched Baylee for a moment longer before turning with a small sigh, his hand lingering on the edge of the vehicle door. He felt as if he could spend his whole life just watching his child and not once grow tired of it. Even the pride felt indescribable, although Brian would have never wanted it any other way. And it would be one of the things he would find himself missing the most for the next several weeks. "Leigh!" he called out, looking up to realize his wife was still absent from the garage. It was obvious his wife was stalling, tearing Brian's thoughts to a darker shade and slightly stirring his mood as he moved towards the garage door. "We really need to get on the road, Leighanne!" he proclaimed loudly as he leaned his head in through the doorway. The kitchen failed to harbor her presence forcing Brian to move forward until he heard her footsteps quickly moving towards him. "We need to go-"

"You can stop yelling," Leighanne snipped, brushing past her bewildered husband as she slipped the short beige leather strap of her purse onto her shoulder.

Brian stared after his wife in wonder, following her over to their vehicle. Even despite her sometimes agitating demeanor, he couldn't help but smile, even right then when he knew far too well that she was less then happy with him at the moment. He arched a light eyebrow towards her as he climbed into the driver's seat, hesitating with the key near the ignition. "This the way it's gonna be the entire drive?" he asked, finally revving the engine to life and placing the gear into a quick reverse.

Leighanne shifted ever so slightly against the leather seat, refusing to catch his gaze.

"Well?" he pressed, momentarily craning his neck and looking over his shoulder to navigate the SUV out of the garage. Brian grinned towards his son when Baylee looked up at him in excitement from another victory with the game. "Ya know, considering this is the last time we'll get to see each other for several weeks, you could at least have the common courtesy to answer me when I ask you a question."

"You know how I feel about this," Leighanne answered in a curt tone.

"How could I not? You've been on my case about it ever since I mentioned the idea to you. But that's not the point here. I'm not asking to fight with you," Brian replied, working to keep his frustration at a boiling point. He twisted the steering wheel and pressed his foot against the gas, guiding the vehicle down the smoothly paved roadway. Silence enveloped the inside aside from the dull roar of the engine, almost hinting towards a dead end for the conversation. Moments later they pulled out onto the main road, veering unnoticed into a light afternoon traffic. "Would you give me a break? Honest to God, c'mon Leigh. You think I'm thrilled about this venture?"

"Going away for several weeks because of business is one thing, Brian," Leighanne answered sharply, finally twisting in her seat to glare at him. Her orbs glazed over in a tumbling of emotions that she refused to let free. "I know and understand your obligation to the group. But this-"

"You just said the key word here: obligation."

Leighanne shook her head, "Driving somewhere is normal. Flying somewhere is normal. Driving a...a boat across the damned ocean...only the two of you is not just reckless, but it's plain crazy! Why can't you be like any normal person and take a plane? Be normal like your cousin and Howie, at least they know the normal way to travel."

"Well, reality check. I'm not Kevin and I'm not Howie."

"That's not what I was saying."

"Then what were you saying?"

"Don't patronize me."

Brian blinked in confusion, leaning back into his seat as he pondered his wife carefully. It had been like this for the better part of the past week; short conversations, bitter words, heated arguments. And it was all over the same thing. Him going away that day. It was getting old fighting about the same things over and over, but Leighanne would have none of it. She seemed utterly stuck to the idea of imprinting her negative opinion deep within the folds of his mind. And truthfully, Brian felt about ready to tear every inch of his hair from his head. "Look at it this way, Nick has never been normal," he replied with a lightness, deciding the best path to take would be to inadvertently change the subject. Although he figured that answer was somehow the understatement of the century and Leighanne certainly wasn't buying it.

"And you always seem to find yourself being dragged into one of his idiotic schemes."

"Schemes?"

"Every time he comes up with one of his 'great ideas'-"

"Right, right...I see where this is going," Brian sighed, interrupting his wife's blatant torrent of disapproving words towards Nick's character. He clenched his hands against the leather binding of the steering wheel, directing the large SUV away from the mainstream of traffic, up the on ramp, and into the thicker line of vehicles commuting along the interstate. He tapped his hands lightly, trailing his sight along the road in front of them as the thick silence once again crept right back in. "If you think fighting about it is going to change my mind about going, then you're going to be disappointed. Really, you're making a bigger deal out of this then you need to be. Nick asked me to go and I told him yes. I can't back out of something I already agreed to. As much as I'm not exactly thrilled about it, I'm obligated to go. He asked me but none of the others for a reason obviously, and besides, maybe this will give me a chance to talk to him..."

Leighanne reached across the middle console, grasping Brian's right hand and intertwining their fingers in the way that always caused Brian's heart to beat a step faster. He glanced over at her shortly and briefly caught that glimpse of defeat. It was never anything blunt or straight forward, but more of a subtle twinkle in the center of her bright orbs, silently letting him know that she was tossing in the towel to their argument. "I'm sorry," she mustered softly, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth in thought.

Brian brought their joined hands up to his mouth, kissing the tips of her fingers. Eventually his lips curled into an exaggerated humored grin. "Maybe I'll be able to convince him to have a professional drive his boat back when it's time to return. Otherwise, I'm dragging Kevin and the others along with us," he stated with a renewed authority, however laced with every hint of laughter. "I'm already having to endure the trip there, but if I have to endure it back, I'm dragging them with us. Even if it means having to drag AJ kicking and screaming the entire way."

"Good luck with that, hon. That's probably why Nick only asked you; he knew they wouldn't go."

Brian shrugged. "Probably, but they don't have to know that."

"Daddy's going to catch a big fish!"

Brian chuckled at his son's timing into the conversation. "Maybe I will, maybe I won't," he answered, peeking to the rearview mirror. He could see Baylee staring back at him through the reflection in his own child-like impish nature, tuning entirely too far into the adults' conversation. Leighanne often got after him about it too, complaining that Baylee mirrored his Daddy to a tee, whether it was a certain infamous facial expression or it came down to the simplest of motions. Inside it boosted Brian's pride more then Leighanne could possibly comprehend, humoring him even more to see that his wife was beyond a doubt jealous of the precise similarities between father and son that were impossible to share between that of mother and son.

"Daddy is going to catch more fishies then Uncle Nick!"

"Does Nick even know how to fish?" Leighanne questioned seriously.

Brian snickered, "Your guess is as good as mine, babe."

"If that's the case, then I hope his boating skills are better then his fishing."

"You just can't let it go, can you?"

"Brian..."

"Seriously, babe...just let it go."

"You really are something..."

Brian shook his head, withholding a sardonic chuckle. "I said I was done arguing and I meant it," he repeated, releasing Leighanne's hand from his grasp. He reached forward, switching up the air conditioning system a notch higher, just knowing the slight abandonment of affection in the situation would irritate his wife to an unimaginable end. And when he heard Leighanne sigh in annoyance, Brian knew his mission had been accomplished for the time being.

*****

“That fart better be here already,” Brian mumbled to himself as he steered the large vehicle onto the gravel roadway that led into the marina twenty minutes later. “All I can say is, since he insisted I be right on time, he better already be here.”

Leighanne glanced at her husband with a raised eyebrow, contemplating an appropriate comment that wouldn’t stir the air of intensity surrounding their previous spat. “Well, look at it this way, hon. Nick has never been very punctual. So how much can you bet that there’s a good chance he isn’t even here yet?” she finally questioned, although she felt reserved with letting the words slip past her lips. She refused to strike another argument, especially since time was dwindling down to nothing and the point where her and Baylee would have to say goodbye to Brian was steadily approaching.

Brian crooked his head to the left, watching as row upon row of expansive boats and yachts came into view, banked at their own respective dock slots. “You’ve got a point. Nick has never understood the meaning of being punctual, at least not in all of the years I’ve known him.”

“And considering you’ve known him since he was practically still a kid…”

“Alright, I get your point. But I still say he better be here.”

A small gasp sounded from the seat behind Brian’s as his young child turned in amazement towards the glass window, temporarily abandoning his game and staring in awe as they passed by each of the boats. “Wow, Daddy look at all the boats!” Baylee exclaimed in a hushed excitement as he placed both palms against the cool glass, twisting in his booster seat to press his nose against the window.

Brian glanced in his rear-view mirror, grinning. “Aren’t those cool, buddy? Big boats, huh?”

“Yeah!” Baylee nodded, “These all of Uncle Nick’s boats?”

Brian chuckled. “No ace, not quite. Uncle Nick only has one boat at the moment.”

“You mean only one docked at this marina,” Leighanne added.

“He’s only three, Leigh. Don’t make the explanation more difficult,” Brian chided his wife softly. Although, Brian could safely guess he had only succeeded in offending his wife more by his choice of words, but given the current situation, he’d given up all hope in caring about her opinion, whether she was angry with him or not.

“Where’s Uncle Nick?” Baylee asked, growing extremely quiet. He may have only been three and a half, but the child was already extremely smart, especially when it came to picking up on the tension between the adults around him. He could easily sense the argument brewing between his parents and it always reflected badly on his own mood.

“Right up ahead,” Brian answered, sighing in relief when he noticed Nick’s black Escalade parked several hundred feet in front of him. ‘So for once the man is on time’ Brian thought inwardly, as he sped up ever so slightly, noticing the fairly decent sized boat belonging to Nick come into view inch by inch as they moved closer. “There’s Uncle Nick’s boat right there.”

“Look, mama! Uncle Nick’s gots big boat!”

“He sure does sweetheart,” Leighanne whispered, glancing dejectedly out the front passenger window, frowning in absolute disgust as she took in the vast size of the boat she was about to ship her husband off on. Although she couldn’t help but smile in humor at all of the much smaller boats parked on either side. To anybody, Leighanne could tell that Nick and his boat looked rather out of place, having parked at that very spot.

Brian directed the SUV to a smooth halt directly next to Nick’s Escalade, placing the gears into park before moving to exit from the vehicle. He quickly opened the back passenger door, working to unbuckle Baylee from his booster seat while the child begged excitedly to be let out. “Stop squirming buddy and I can get you out,” he laughed when Baylee fumbled with the buckles, attempting only to assist in the process, but with no such success. Baylee only ended up delaying his father from finishing the task.

“You sure Nick even knows how to drive that thing?” Leighanne questioned moments later as Brian was lowering their child to the gravel.

Brian glanced sideways at his wife, contemplating whether or not to even answer the question. “I think navigate would be a more correct term and yes, I’m sure he does,” he finally answered. He wanted to cringe, knowing they wouldn’t be sharing as sweet of a goodbye as he had hoped for. “You know Nick practically lives for the ocean. He’s had enough experience with boats. I…trust him.”

“And yet you hesitate when you say that,” Leighanne replied.

“UNCLE NICK!” Baylee’s voice pierced the warm Florida air as he took off running towards the boat that Nick had yet to appear from.

“Not too close, Baylee!” Leighanne yelled.

“He’s fine, Leigh. Let him go see,” Brian interrupted, leading his wife forward.

Leighanne with held a frustrated sigh, reluctantly following her husband a few steps forward, concentrating on the sound of the rough gravel crunching beneath the soles of their shoes. She quickly reached for Brian’s hand, squeezing it tightly in some hopes of salvaging a small chance of parting on a slightly positive note. She nearly paused though when Brian gripped her hand just as tightly, if not tighter. Leighanne turned her head, studying the sun brightened features upon her husband’s face. There was some peculiar emotion hidden within his handsome features, but what worried her worse was the fact that she couldn’t even begin to place a finger on it. Something or another was plaguing Brian’s mind, and no matter how much Brian was trying to hide it at that moment, Leighanne could see right through his façade. “Bri-”

“Ahoy there matey!” Nick screeched obnoxiously as he suddenly appeared onboard the deck of the well-built boat, proudly carrying Baylee atop his shoulders as the child giggled wildly while fiddling with the captain’s hat Nick had placed on the boy’s head. Nick moved forward to the edge of the thin railing trailing the entire perimeter of the boat and leaned forward an inch to peer at the wary appearing parents. “Seems I’ve found a sneaky little stow away on my ship. Tradition has it that we throw stow aways overboard and feed them to the sharks! What say ye, matey?!”

“No sharks, Uncle Nick!” Baylee squealed as Nick bounced the child up and down, throwing him into a worse fit of giggles.

“You take one step closer to that edge with my son and it will be YOU the sharks are eating for dinner!” Leighanne snipped, pulling away from Brian to step closer to the boat. She bit down on her bottom lip, nervously watching her young child interacting with Nick, who she saw as nothing more then an oversized child himself. She didn’t trust him to handle Baylee on his own, no matter how many times Brian had tried to convince her otherwise.

“Why if it isn’t my best friend’s wife whom I adore oh so very much!” Nick called back in reply with a obvious snort as he lowered Baylee to the deck.

“So what’s the occasion?” Brian quickly interrupted. He glanced in annoyance between his wife and friend, already seeing the storm brewing between the two. Knowing just how long they could spat at each other, often turning it into an argument marathon of the sorts, he worked to put a stop to it before it could even begin.

Nick arched his eyebrow, helping Baylee back onto the dock before hopping down himself. “Say what?”

“There’s gotta be some occasion, you being on time and all. So what is it?”

“Funny man. Contrary to Leighanne’s popular belief, I know how to be on time.”

“Could have fooled the best of us,” Leighanne muttered.

“Seems just about anything can fool you.”

“Uncle Nick!”

Nick glanced down at the child tugging hard on the hem of his khaki shorts. “’Sup there, Bay?”

“You’s gonna catch a big fish like my daddy?”

“Ha! Your daddy said he’s gonna catch a big fish?”

“Uh huh! The biggest one ever!”

“How big?”

Baylee spread his arms apart as wide as he could possibly get them to stretch. “Dis big!”

“How about you tell me more about this big fish while we go grab your daddy’s bags from the car, yeah?” Nick suggested, feeling the heat of Leighanne’s glare radiating off the skin of his face. He shuttered at the thought of such an icy glare, knowing he had his own collection of tainted daggers he would like to shoot in her direction. But he preferred not to stir up the fighting, knowing it would only tear the line between him and Brian once they finally departed. “Yo B, keys?”

Brian nodded slightly, fishing in his pants pocket for the set of keys before tossing them in Nick’s direction. He waited a few moments for the pair to walk away before turning towards his wife, ready to reprimand her for even attempting to start an argument, but stood taken aback when he finally took in the extent of deepened expression. “What’s wrong?” he questioned hesitantly, cringing at the ear piercing shriek of Baylee’s cries somewhere behind him. But he continued to focus his sole attention on Leighanne, knowing there was something she was trying to convey further then what she was allowing to show on the outside.

Leighanne looked away for a long minute, allowing an uncomfortable silence to settle over the two. “I don’t have a good idea about this…” she finally answered quietly, wrapping her arms around her waist.

“I don’t get what you’re saying, babe…” Brian trailed. “What don’t-”

“This,” Leighanne whispered sharply, pointing back towards the boat that loomed behind them. Her hand trembled as she brought it up to run it through her loose locks of golden hair.

“Baby, you’re shaking.”

“I…”

“Leigh, sweetheart, what’s-”

“Brian, you don’t have to go. I know you already told him yes-”

Brian frowned. “I’m not going to start this again.”

“I know you already told him yes,” Leighanne continued, stressing each word individually as she stepped closer to her husband. Her bright orbs reflected the glare of the blaring sun, sending an almost eerie shadow of her face. “Brian, I don’t have a good feeling about this at all. This trip…I don’t feel right about it.”

“Of course you don’t feel right about it. You’ve made that perfectly clear since I brought it up to you.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.”

“Ok, then what is it that you are saying?”

“I’m worried, Brian. I know you trust Nick, and that’s your decision, but this isn’t some little spin around the ocean venture he’s asking you to go on.”

Brian sighed, pulling Leighanne to his chest. “You’re worrying about nothing,” he spoke with a soft, not threatening laugh.

“I’m being serious!”

“Baby, I know that. I wasn’t implying you weren’t being serious. But you shouldn’t worry. Everything’s under control, I promise. Nick may act like a complete idiot most of the time, but when it comes to boating, surprisingly enough, he’s pretty smart. Besides, I don’t trust him to make this trip alone.”

“I just don’t see why it’s gotta be you he has to drag along.”

“There are some things about Nick nobody will ever understand,” Brian joked. He leaned back just enough to make room for a feathery kiss to Leighanne’s forehead, hoping only to calm her hidden fears. “Trust me. You have nothing to worry about-”

“Not a worry there, Leigh!” Nick called out in agreement. The two glanced to see Nick and Baylee heading back in their direction, Nick with the duffle bag slung lazily over his shoulder and Baylee struggling to keep his father’s back pack from dragging along the gravel. “This baby is loaded with the latest technology in navigation and communication. We’ll be in constant contact with the National Guard and we’ll be getting up to date weather reports every hour on the hour. So your itty bitty lil’ Bwian will be perfectly safe out there on the middle of the big blue!”

Leighanne stared at Nick for a moment in contemplation of his remark. “Has anyone ever told you that you are a smartass?”

“Well, as a matter of fact, yes. You tell me every time I see you. But the way I look at it is that it is better to be a smartass then a dumbass,” Nick snickered, smirking as he turned away and led Baylee back towards the boat to dispose of Brian’s small collection of luggage.

“Just let it go,” Brian immediately said, wrapping his arms tightly around his wife’s thin frame.

“You don’t have to do this,” Leighanne whispered, but her voice was more so muffled by the material of Brian’s t-shirt.

“I do have to do this because I already committed myself to it. Just stop worrying. There’s nothing to be worried about. Trust me on this, ok? Would I ever lie to you?”

“For your own well being, I would hope not.”

“If I should take that as my wife threatening me, then rest assured that I would never lie to you.”

“Brian Thomas, you better promise me.”

“I promise.”

“Baylee is really going to miss you, you know?”

“What about you?”

“I’m going to be missing you more then anything.”

“Know I’ll be missing you more then.”

“I would hope so.”

Brian smiled, reaching up to press his lips against Leighanne’s to capture the moment. “You’re going to be ok?”

“Me? I’ll be fine,” Leighanne nodded.

“And then I made the good guy kick the bad guy in the butts with the Ti-kwon-cow! He went boom all the way off the cliff and pow!” Baylee explained with a burst of his own childish energy, dragging Nick from the confines of the boat and back along the dock to be reunited with his parents. “And I won da game, Uncle Nick! Gots all the points!”

Brian launched his son into his arms, twirling him in a wild circle. He grinned as Baylee grabbed onto his neck with a giggle, hating even worse knowing that he would have to say goodbye in just a few short moments. “Can Daddy walk you and Mommy back over to the car before he leaves?”

“Duh!”

“I’ll just uh…yeah. I’ll be over here untying the ropes,” Nick stated awkwardly.

“You have to go bye bye?” Baylee questioned wearily a minute later when Brian buckled him back into his booster seat.

“Yeah, buddy. But it’s only for a couple of weeks. And I want you to be a good little man for Mommy. Be a good boy and do what she says, ok?”

“Otay…can’t go wid you?”

“I’m afraid not, ace. But I promise to catch that big fish, just for you.”

“Bigger then Uncle Nick fish?”

“Much bigger then Uncle Nick’s fish.”

“Cool!”

Brian stood back, ruffling his son’s short spikes then shut the door with the utmost unwillingness. He smiled before sidestepping to the driver’s door where Leighanne was already waiting inside with the window rolled down. His wife stared directly ahead, hands folded in her lap. “I tell you what,” Brian began, resting his arms on the edge of the door. “Give the fellas and I a couple of weeks to get settled and get some work done, then I’ll fly you and Baylee out for a while.”

“Brian, you don’t have to do that…”

“I want to. So do we have a deal?”

“I should guess so.”

“Great. Then I’ll see you both in a couple weeks.”

“Just be careful.”

“Always. You know I love you right?”

“I love you too.”

Brian leaned through the window, pulling Leighanne to him for one last kiss. “I’ll call you when I can,” he whispered before stepping back and watching his wife rev the ignition and pull away from where he stood. He waved towards his son who peered out the back window until the SUV had pulled out of sight, leaving only a thin cloud of dust behind. Brian sighed, shaking his head and stuffing his hands into his pants pockets.

“If I didn’t know any better…I’d say Leighanne hates me,” Nick snorted, coming up to stand beside Brian.

Brian glanced at his friend. “You think?”

Chapter 2:

Brian sighed as he emerged from the tiny bunker that would unfortunately be serving as their sleeping quarters for the duration of their voyage, quote-unquote Nick's actual words while giving Brian the grand tour of his beloved boat shortly after boarding. It was nothing as warm as the comforts of home. It was rather plain in comparison, comprised of two steel bunks latched to the far wall upon entering, a small table barely the size for two to eat upon was shoved into a corner with a plush booth that appeared even more comfortable then the beds themselves, and a single light bulb dangled from the ceiling with a metal chain, the only source of light in the room. Even the walls were painted a dreary brown shade, only to make the room even more uncomforting. Then again, interior design had never been one of Nick's talents.

That had been over an hour ago, and while Nick had disappeared to the control room where he was undoubtedly playing the part of captain to an exact 'T', Brian had begun to have the deep unsettling second thoughts that Leighanne had repeatedly expressed before he had left. Although he knew his own second thoughts were long overdue, he knew they were of no use now. The dock and Florida coast line had long since vanished in the distance, surrounding the steadily moving vessel on all sides by a never ending expanse of fresh salt water, deep, dark, and threatening to the unknowing eye. Leave it to a sudden over active imagination, but Brian began to secretly wish he had paid heed to his wife's warning. He was sure if he would have given it enough work, he would have been able to use a good amount of logic on his friend and talk Nick out of the crazy idea. And it certainly was a crazy idea. A voyage almost reckless to venture on alone without an experienced guide to lead the way, although Nick was quick to say he was just that. Brian was afraid Nick had started to become too tangled in the idea. It had started out as a fantasy, an idea Nick had proposed in a late night phone call out of the blue. And now Nick was doing everything in his power to make that fantasy a reality. Somehow Brian found himself caught in the very middle of it all.

The blasting heat of the sun hit his face as he stepped into the open from the small stairwell. The ocean around them only seemed to act as a magnifier for the sun, sending the wave of heat sensations higher. Brian adjusted his baseball cap as he felt tiny beads of perspiration already forming along his hairline. He breathed in the fresh salt water air and took another step forward, quickly by stepping an abandoned bucket at the very last second. It seemed as if Nick had been in the process of scrubbing away the evidence of some sort of mess shortly before Brian and his family had arrived; the bucket was still a quarter of the way filled with dirty soapy water and there was still a faint wet spot visible on the wooden deck to the side of the bucket.

"What have I gotten myself into...?” Brian muttered under his breath. He moved to the steel railings on his left and cautiously leaned forward, only to see the white capped wake below slapping at the side of the boat's frame. His stomach churned a little at the subtle swaying motion of the boat but he pushed the feeling aside. It wasn’t like him to suffer from seasickness anyway. Although this seemed enough to push him over the edge and start a new trend in his life.

Brian gave the water a final thought before turning on his heels and squinting against the glare of the sun as he glanced up towards the control room. Nick had the windows tinted, for what reason Brian couldn’t guess, so there was no way to tell just what was going on inside. Brian took in a deep breath and approached the steel stair case that lead up to the top room. He trudged up each step with little effort and grasped the handle to push the door open. It surprised him though to find that the door was heavier then it originally appeared and he had to use a little more force just to get the thing to budge.

“Will do. Keep me updated,” Nick was saying with the two way radio pressed to his mouth, one hand still clutching the large wooden steering wheel that was navigating the vessel. He appeared to not even hear Brian as he entered, staring straight ahead through the tinted glass.

“Keep you updated on what?” Brian questioned casually while moving forward. He peered around, noting a large map that was rolled out on the counter and adorned with multiple red markings.

Nick jumped at the sound of Brian’s voice, craning his neck to look at his friend. “Oh, uh…it’s nothing. Was just checking in with weather control,” he shrugged.

“And everything’s good?”

“Sure, for the most part.”

Brian paused, already not liking the tone that reverberated in Nick’s voice. “For the most part?” Brian repeated, hinting at his unknowing confusion.

“Nah, dawg. It’s all good. Just a bit of a weather pattern forming about a day’s speed ahead. Nothing to worry about though. The weather center seems to think it will change courses, completely bypassing our route,” Nick explained before returning his attention back to what was in front of him. But he could still feel Brian’s deep sapphire orbs burning into the square of his back, obviously not buying the whole of Nick’s answer. “Uh, yeah, you know how it is,” he decided to continue a short moment later as if it would kill the tension that had suddenly formed. “Just a fraction of a weather pattern. Not a threat to us.”

Brian continued to stare. For one reason or another he didn’t exactly believe the subdued confidence in Nick’s voice. Not that it mattered one way or another. They were too far from shore as it was, and Brian was absolutely positive there was no way Nick would turn the boat around to where the Florida coastline lay behind them. Brian stepped closer to Nick, running his hand along the smooth counter top that held the unrolled map. “Well, that makes me feel a whole lot better,” he said rather absently. Even he wasn’t sure where his sarcasm came from.

Nick had caught onto Brian’s sarcasm too because he seemed to pause for a moment, his grip on the wheel tightening ever so slightly. But the hesitation disappeared as quickly as it had appeared in the first place and he looked at Brian with a silly grin. “So what do you think?” he asked with raised brows. He looked as if he were a small child standing in the middle of the world’s largest candy store and begging his parents for a belly aching amount of candy.

“Of what?” Brian asked.

“My baby,” Nick pressed, patting the wheel lovingly as if it were a living breathing thing.

“It’s…big.”

“Yeah, almost decided against this one, but I fell in love the moment I was given a tour. She is big, quite the hefty amount of payment I admit, but Hell, I say it’s worth it. I mean, look at her. Top of the art technology on board giving access to first rate communication and navigation. You aren’t going to find this type of equipment on just any boat.”

“It was already built in then?”

“Most of it. I had a few extras added in after I purchased her of course. Spared no expense.”

“And Ashlyn was ok with this?” Brian questioned without thought as he bent slightly at the knees to get a closer look at all of the control panels lining the dash in front of them.

“Before I told her, yeah,” Nick chuckled quietly with a slight shake of the head, envisioning the tender smile of his girlfriend that he knew he would be missing the most over the course of the trip. “Afterwards…now that’s a whole other story.”

Brian rolled his eyes at his friend’s mischief, smiling. “How long before she found out?”

“Yesterday?”

Brian choked on a breath of air. “You didn’t tell her until yesterday?” he clarified in disbelief.

“Well, not exactly. No. I mean, I told her I was thinking about buying me a new boat months ago,” Nick explained carefully, drumming an impromptu beat against the wooden wheel in thought. “Just never cared to tell her how big.”

“And next you’re going to tell me you didn’t tell her about this trip you dragged me on until the moment you were walking out the door,” Brian guessed.

“Actually, it was an hour before-“

“Nick!”

“Don’t shit your pants, Brian. I told her about this trip. I just didn’t tell her it was my boat I was chartering.”

Brian shook his head in disapproval. “I wouldn’t blame her if she ripped you a new butt hole for that stunt.”

Nick sucked in a deep breath, answering the non verbalized question without any words of his own.

“She did, didn’t she?” Brian laughed.

“Something like that,” Nick muttered.

“Serves you right, man. I hate to say, but I would have kicked your ass for not telling me about something like this.”

“And that’s why we would never work out,” Nick teased, only to get a rolling of eyes in return. “Nah, Ashlyn was pissed to say the least when I told her it was just you and me taking the boat, but as you can tell, there was not much she could do about it. Although I did get quite a hefty farewell ear load of choice words.”

“You and me both.”

Nick grinned further. “Leighanne have another one of her shit fits?”

Brian frowned. “Lay off my wife already. You wonder why she don’t care for you much.”

“Laying off,” Nick answered, holding his hands up with a laugh. “But she did, didn’t she?”

Brian pondered Nick carefully. Sometimes he worried about his younger friend. Nick hadn’t always been the sharpest tool in the shed, nor had he ever took care in catching the others’ hints of when to shut up. As frustrating as it sometimes was, Brian still held all of the humorous memories from when Nick was younger and the times he nearly drove Kevin over the edge of insanity. “I’m beginning to think I don’t blame her,” Brian answered, snapping himself back to reality out of the dense fog that had crowded his mind. Nick’s lips parted as if to come back with a sarcastic remark, but instead all Brian could hear was a low drawn out sigh before Nick turned back to the tinted window, seeming to only want to end the conversation. Brian himself sighed, leaning against the edge of the panel. Despite how much he hated being where he was right then, he knew he had no right to drag Nick down at the same time, especially when their relationship had become so tattered over the course of the past few years. “Nick, listen…I didn’t mean-”

“It’s aight,” Nick was quick to interrupt and just as quickly his facial features once again changed.

“It’s not that I don’t want to be here-” Brian started.

“It’s just that you didn’t want to come period,” Nick finished.

“No, it’s not that-”

“Shit, Brian…who do you think you are trying to fool?” Nick questioned, suddenly turning an icy daggered stare on the Kentuckian. It was obvious his question had taken Brian aback because Brian fell silent with the acidity in Nick’s words, leaving the taller man to proceed further. “So why did you come?”

Brian stepped back from the sharpness in Nick’s tone, knowing one button or another had already been pushed the wrong way. “What kind of question is that?” Brian asked in return, hoping to dull the argument before it ever had a chance to really even begin.

“An honest one,” Nick answered before repeating himself, “Why did you come? And don’t say because you wanted to. Next to Howie you are one of the worst liars I know.”

Brian found himself reeling from the sudden distrust dripping from Nick’s words. He knew their friendship wasn’t what it once used to be, but even now sometimes he wondered just what sort of bond actually remained and along what point in time did mistrust appear to taint that bond. He hated the tension that now blanketed the room, only leaving him in a dumbfounded stupor, but Nick appeared unwilling to hear any excuse Brian may attempt to come up with.

“I didn’t think it was that difficult of a question,” Nick shrugged, turning from the window and slipping past Brian to one of the devices mounted on the wall. The machine had recently begun to emit a set of three short beeps followed by a steady hum that was barely audible over the rocky rhythm of Brian’s heart. Seconds passed before the machine slowly began to spit out a bright white sheet of paper decorated with words Brian wasn’t close enough to read and various markings that he figured probably wouldn’t even make sense to him even if he were close enough to see them. “Fax from weather control. Just a print out of the coordinates of that weather pattern,” Nick explained in a dull uninterested tone.

Brian continued to stare at Nick in consideration as his friend discarded the thin sheet of paper on top of the map. “Why did you even invite me?” he finally blurted before really giving his choice of words a second thought.

Nick clicked the roof of his mouth with the tip of his tongue. “Why did I invite you?” Nick repeated to have Brian nod in return. “Years ago you wouldn’t have found the need to ask me that. But I guess some things change.”

Brian paused, carefully contemplating his words, yet before he realized again what he was saying, he answered, “Yeah, I guess some things do.”

“Don’t worry about that weather pattern. It won’t affect us.”

Nick returned to the steering wheel before Brian had the chance to consider replying. Suddenly Brian felt sick to the very pit of his stomach and he somehow figured it wasn’t the weather pattern that he needed to worry about. Somewhere along the lines a line of communication had been ripped to shreds and Brian was left staring at both torn ends wondering what exactly went wrong. Nick had terminated the conversation, leaving the control room dripping with an intense tension that sent Brian’s stomach in a tumble of gut-wrenching knots. It would be useless to even try to make amends at that moment. Nick’s stubbornness often clouded his sense of rational thinking, leaving Brian no choice but to turn and leave the control room.

*****

Several hours later found Brian sitting alone in the confines of the tiny sleeping quarters, propped up on the top bunk with his back pressed against the wall. He held a thick paperback novel in his hands, and though he stared at the pages, he hadn’t read a single word. Instead, the scrawl of printed black ink all blended together, creating a jumbled mess that couldn’t catch hold of Brian’s clouded attention. He had other matters far too important crowding his mind, leaving no spare concentration to really focus on what the story was all about. Nick had still yet to appear or even strike the slightest of conversations. In fact, Brian hadn’t caught sight of the man since he himself had stormed from the control room after their earlier spat. Brian didn’t understand it. He had never had such difficulty speaking with Nick before. But it seemed the break in the group had far distanced their relationship and somewhere along the lines had almost severed their lines of communication, although Brian was beginning to fear the distance had severed the lines completely. He couldn’t speak a word to Nick now without fearing the blond would respond in the negative or take everything way out of portion. As of lately, Nick seemed to take anything someone said to him the wrong way. To Brian, it seemed way out of Nick’s character. But then again like both of them had agreed, with time some things just change.

Brian inhaled deeply and turned a page, still unable to focus on a single word but he felt the need to keep his hands busy. The dim lighting of the sleeping quarters made the room appear gloomy in all sense of the word. It seemed to mirror the dreariness of his very being at that moment. Brian found himself longing to be at home with his family where he knew he ultimately belonged, but by now, his wife and child were several hundred miles behind him on dry land while he was out on the middle of the ocean, located God knew where. Again, that sense of unease fell over him, causing a single tremor to race the length of his spine.

The door to the quarters was thrown open, allowing in a waft of fresh sea breeze that caught the senses in Brian’s nostrils almost immediately. He abandoned the paperback atop the soft blankets, looking up to find Nick teetering down the few short steps into the tiny room. Nick grunted as he hit the last step and almost lost his entire balance in the process, but at the last moment regained his equilibrium and moved quickly to the table where he discarded a plate full along with several brands of potato chips and sodas that had been stacked within his arms. Brian glanced further to note the several burgers that rested on the cheap ceramic plate.

“New George Foreman grill…fucking awesome!” Nick blurted as he tore open the closest bag of chips, only to stuff a handful into his mouth. His blue eyes danced like a happy child as he hungrily devoured several more handfuls of the snack before finally taking a seat upon one of the cushioned booth seats. Brian was only half way through climbing down from his bunk as Nick cracked open a can of soda and was slopping loads of mustard and ketchup onto his own personal burger. “I tell ya, those grills fucking rock! Slap down some raw beef, slam the lid, the shit zaps the fat away and spits out one Hell of a burger. Not to mention it’s pretty damn convenient too. You should get yourself one.”

Brian stared at Nick with raised eyebrows as he cautiously took the furthest seat from his friend. As weird as it seemed, it was as if Nick had forgotten all about their spat from earlier. If Brian didn’t know any better, he would have guessed that it had never happened to begin with. Hoping for the best, Brian tried to take advantage of the semi-peaceful moment. “Already have one. Was a Christmas present from Kevin and Kristin last year,” he answered before snatching an unopened soda and burger for himself.

“Ah, yeah, last year’s model. But man, I tell you this year’s model is the shit. The man is a fucking genius!” Nick continued, all the while drowning his burger with the various condiments he had brought to the sleeping quarters with him. The burger was beginning to look less edible as each second passed.

“With all of that swearing, you are starting to sound a lot like AJ. And to be honest, the world can’t handle two AJs running around.”

“Shit, yeah, because we’d take over the world.”

“Imagine that, Nick and AJ taking over the world. What, has that idea been one of your Pinky and the Brain Schemes you and Aje used to come up with all the time back in the day?”

Nick paused for the slightest moment, his eyes still dancing. “Sorry, can’t answer that.”

“Oh yeah? Why not?”

“Because it’s simple.”

“Try me.”

“You can’t handle the truth.”

Brian snorted. “I’m sorry?”

“Brian, my man, you can’t handle the truth. Therefore I can’t answer your question.”

“And to think all of these years I still held onto the smallest bit of hope that you had the smallest snitch of sanity hidden somewhere deep in that brain of yours. But you’ve just proved me wrong. You know what? You’re right. I can’t handle the truth.”

Nick grinned as he flattened the top half of the sesame bun onto the mound of lettuce, tomato, pickles, and onions covering a hearty round beef patty, only to complete his masterpiece meal. He piled another handful of salty chips onto his plate and downed a swig of soda. He looked up moments later to find that not only had Brian not started to prepare his own dinner, he was staring at him with an odd expression of amazement. “What?” Nick coughed, choking on a saliva coated chip particle. “Do I have a booger hanging out of my nose or something?”

Brian just shook his head. “That’s disgusting.”

“What? My booger?” Nick questioned, quickly bringing a finger up to his nose.

Brian groaned in disgust. “Nick!”

“What?” Nick grinned, returning to his food.

“Do you even have any sense of what normalcy is?”

“Normalcy? What’s that?”

“Yeah, didn’t think so,” Brian sniggered with a quick shake of the head. He lazily began to prepare his own meal with disinterest, realizing he didn’t hold much of an appetite at all. And watching Nick devouring the slop in front of him didn’t make him any hungrier. He took his time spreading equal amounts of ketchup and mustard to both buns before adding a single slice of cheese, crisp lettuce, tomato and few onions. But he didn’t take a bite. Instead he began to nurse his soda, quietly abandoning the burger without any regret.

“So I was thinking,” Nick started to say moments later when an uncomfortable silence had begun to settle over the room. He wiped his mouth on a crinkled napkin and chased the mouthful of food with another drink. “Mid day tomorrow, we could toss the anchor and maybe spend a few hours fishing. I hear they got some big ass fish out here and I loaded this baby with top notch expensive fishing poles.”

“Wouldn’t that put us behind schedule?”

“Only slightly, but I can correct that by kicking the engine up a few notches. Besides, so what if we fall an hour or two behind schedule? C’mon Brian, don’t disappoint me,” Nick answered, over exaggerating an obvious pout of his lips.

“Fishing Nick? You mean you don’t want to do no deep sea diving?”

“Actually that was my next suggestion. I have a host of scuba gear up in the-”

“You’re out of your mind, Nick. If you want to go swim with the fishies, be my guest, but please, leave me out of it,” Brian quickly interrupted.

Nick sat back from the sharpness in Brian’s tone. “Shit…” he wheezed, pushing his plate away. He belched loudly before resting a hand on his stomach. “Do the words just kidding mean anything to you?”

“All I’m saying is-”

“I’m not stupid, ok, Bri? I may say stupid shit sometimes, but I’m not stupid.”

“I never said you were.”

“Yeah, well, you got that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The look Kev used to get when I’d say something wrong during an interview or whatever shit used to put a stick up his ass,” Nick shrugged in annoyance. “You had that look just now.”

Brian was left dazed without words for several minutes. Nick appeared to have been burned by Brian’s brazen refusal towards the ludicrous mentioning of deep sea diving way out in the middle of the ocean. And for the second time that day the flame of hope for a pleasant conversation was snuffed out and the tension settled back in. “Fishing sounds good,” Brian replied finally, but Nick was already looking sullen. Brian coughed, hoping to grab the younger man’s attention. “I’m sure you could show me a thing or two.”

“It was just an idea. Just figured…well, you know…just thought it’d give us a chance to catch up or whatever…”

“It’s a good idea. Besides, I haven’t fished in a while and I’m sure stalling for an hour or two ain’t gonna put us too far off…right?”

“Not really,” Nick shrugged again as he poked at the remainder of his dinner.

“Then it’s a deal, yeah?”

“Sure.”

“Nick…?”

Nick looked up without a word, appearing un fazed by the sudden lack of conversation. He smiled faintly however, continuing to play with the scraps of food on his plate to keep him busy. He seemed to be hesitating on a further choice of words, but he said nothing else, choosing to remain in silence for the time being. “I invited you because I knew you’d be the only one who would agree to come and I knew you wouldn’t laugh shit in my face when I mentioned this trip. Besides, we used to be best friends as far as I know and that’s got to count for something…and, I trust you.”

Brian sat back, surprised at Nick’s sudden proclamation. But one thing above all surprised him the most, something he had not once considered or even second guessed, but it was clearly obvious that Nick had done a lot of thinking about it. “Used to be?” Brian slowly drawled, unsure of the security in his own voice. ‘Used to be’ had never once crossed his mind. All along he had been foolishly fighting to believe or wishing to believe that things still were as they ought to be, not as they ‘used to be’. Part of him still wanted to live in the past and ignore the present.

Nick was already rising from his seat before the words had left Brian’s mouth. He gathered the mess he had created and carried it over to the small trash bin stashed in one of the corners. For awhile he remained erect with his back to Brian, stalling for precious time without having to provide the answer Brian demanded.

“Used to be?” Brian repeated, twisting in his seat. “What’s that supposed to mean, Nick?”

Nick stared at Brian pointedly, “You saying you disagree?”

Brian’s eyes narrowed. “No, I’m asking you what it’s supposed to mean.”

“Maybe we’ve been avoiding reality,” Nick answered simply, reaching up to run a hand through his unruly golden locks. He no longer looked like the Nick Brian used to know. Before Brian stood a man who had grown from a young boy into a young man and was now nothing more then a complete stranger. Nick appeared so emotionally void as the blunt statement left his lips that Brian was unsure what to make of the situation. Nick took in a deep breath before allowing his eyes to travel to the floor where he started to lamely kick at invisible dirt. Distraction to avoid was his best companion when it came to dealing with confrontations and he was playing it well at that very moment.

“I’m really not following you…”

“Maybe we should just face it, you know?” Nick decided to continue, still refusing to look up. “Things ain’t what they used to be. You and I both know it. We’ve both grown up. Yeah, shit happens. Again, you and I both know that, but Hell, I thought friendship was supposed to be able to stand the test of time. At least that’s what somebody I used to be really close to told me one night years ago on a tour bus when I was hella homesick and everybody else was ignoring me. Sad thing is I was stupid enough to believe him. But that’s ok now ‘cause I ain’t that little kid anymore who needs to be taken care of. I’ve learned how to stop relying on that person and expecting him to be there only to find that he never is. There’s no use living in the past, only to deny what’s reality. The past is the past man. Like I said earlier, some things change…with time, some things just change.”

“Nick, I-”

“Forget it, Brian, ok? So maybe this trip was a mistake. Well, me inviting you. But there’s not a thing you or I can do about that now.”

“Damnit, Nick, that’s not what I was going to say-”

Nick glanced up, glaring accusingly. “You don’t say much of anything to me anymore these days.”

“That’s not-”
“Not true? Name the last time you single handedly made it a personal effort to-”

“C’mon Nick, you’re talking ridiculously.”

“No, I’m talking reality, Brian. People change. I thought you would be the first to realize that.”

Brian blinked in absolute confusion, feeling sour bile rising up the length of his esophagus from the pit of his stomach. For the first time, he realized he didn’t recognize any part of the man standing before him. The little Nick he always kept stored safely in memories, his often partner in crime and sidekick, had been replaced by the man now standing before him. A cold, heart-hardened man stood feet in front of him taking up the space where Nick had once been. But now… Brian suddenly felt alone in a cold dense room, vaguely aware of the soft swaying side-to-side motion of the boat.

“Like I said, forget it.”

“Nick, I don’t want to forget it.”

“Maybe I do,” Nick strained through a whisper as he inched his way to the small set of stairs leading up to the door of the main deck. “Wouldn’t that make it easier? To just forget?”

Brian opened his mouth to object, but his voice would not project even a quiet whisper, and before he knew it, Nick had turned and fled dejectedly from the room. Once again Brian was left wondering when and where everything had gone so horribly wrong.

Chapter 3:

Brian noticed two things immediately when he finally lost his grip on the bliss of unconsciousness and allowed himself to be dragged back into the land of the living. As he lie warmly encased beneath the several layers of soft flannel blankets, he first registered the absence of any gentle swaying motion that generally accompanied the constant movement of the boat he was so suddenly feeling rather trapped within. He lay there in puzzlement for several moments, blinking rapidly to allow his eyes to adjust to the still darkness of the room. It was impossible to make an educated guess at the hour of the day; Nick hadn’t bothered to install any windows in the walls of the sleeping quarters, so Brian almost felt safe guessing it was possibly still in the dead lonely hours of the night. But as he glanced over in what he knew to be the direction of the only door, Brian noticed a thin sliver of light at the bottom of the frame. The sun had risen once again. However knowing just that didn’t calm the unease he felt coursing through his aching body. Several hours after their final spat the previous night, Brian had willed himself into a wistful slumber, only to toss and turn restlessly the entire night. He awoke to feel as if he hadn’t slept at all. He felt absolutely ragged to say the very least which did a number on his harrowing mood.

It was also deathly quiet within the confines of the dark room, as if death had made an untimely visit during the middle of the night and snatched away all visible signs of life, leaving the room cold, empty, and most of all lonely. Brian sat up slowly, wincing against the burning sensation that had developed deep in the small of his back. He had been right about one thing; the bunks had not at all appeared to be made for comfort. Brian had certainly found that out first hand to be rather true. It was also conclusive that he was in fact alone in the tiny room, which in all reality shouldn’t have felt so odd to begin with. After Nick had stormed from the room, Brian considered chasing after the faltering friendship he watched leaving with the man, but he had hesitated and ultimately decided not to pursue. He had already seemed to manage to cause a strong ripple within whatever friendship he thought to have remained, that following after Nick would have seemed like the ultimate mistake. Instead he chose to remain holed, leaning on the hope that just maybe Nick would return shortly after allowing his nerves to return to normal. Now it seemed as if Nick hadn’t come back at all. It was the worst loneliness Brian had ever been able to feel.

Finally feeling confident that his eyes had adjusted to the darkness to the best of their ability, Brian tossed back the gathering of covers and slithered down to the hard wood floor, shivering involuntarily as his feet came in contact with the cold flooring. He muttered a low curse as he groped around in the dark, raising a hand above his head cautiously to feel for the thin chain dangling from the only light bulb. He cursed a second time until finally his hand came in contact with the stringed metal and he yanked gently, suddenly finding himself bathed in a faded iridescent yellow light. Brian turned, glancing back towards the two bunks behind him and was no more surprised to find that Nick’s bunk lie perfectly made. In fact, the bed appeared as if it had never been previously slept in, only reiterating Brian’s guess that Nick hadn’t returned sometime during the night.

Brian scratched at his right temple, willing away whatever amount of grogginess that remained from his restless slumber and staggered over to where he had previously discarded his duffle bag on the floor the previous day. He rummaged through the tightly packed contents, ignoring the basic toiletry items littering the top layer and withdrew a clean pair of boxers, khaki cargo shorts, and a plain white t-shirt. He quickly stripped himself of his nightwear and slipped into the new clothing before running fingers through his disheveled locks of hair. He glanced around the tiny room and thought, allowing his eyes to fall on the table where remnants of the previous night’s dinner still remained, carelessly abandoned. Brian had made no such attempt at cleaning the mess up, letting it remain as it was. The collective bags of potato chips remained open and had most likely already begun the process of becoming stale due to the prolonged contact with the dry air. Unopened soda cans littered the table and in the middle of it all was the other hamburger, still untouched and undevoured. Somewhere in the middle of their spat, Brian had lost whatever bit of appetite he had accumulated, going to bed that night without taking a single bite.

Sighing at the distasteful memory, Brian rolled the bags of chips closed and gathered the trash, carrying it to the waste bin in the corner near the doorway. He then rose up the few short steps and emerged out into the open sea air. Overhead, the sun hung high in the densely humid air, humidifying the salt water scent and making it stronger then it normally would be, had the sun not been out. Brian looked, squinting against the glare of the bright light and realized indeed that the boat had come to a halting stop. No white caps or sea foam lapped against the boat’s side; the vessel seemed to be idling within the gentle current of the ocean. Brian moved forward, keeping his ears trained for any unidentifiable sounds or something which would lead him to where Nick was possibly located. For a moment he stared at the case of stairs leading up to the control room, knowing that was the most likely place the blonde would be hiding out, but before he could take the first step, he caught a glimpse of spiked blond locks up toward the front of the boat.

Brian immediately headed in the direction of the boat’s front, silently preparing himself for the possibility of another negative confrontation. Approaching quietly from behind, he found Nick kicked back in a fold out lawn chair, legs propped up on the railings, fishing pole in hands, headphones covering ears and a visor pulled low over his eyes. His head hung slightly forward, and from behind it appeared as if Nick had apparently dosed off while waiting for the first bite. Brian couldn’t suppress a chuckle of amusement; it was just like Nick to dose off at a time such as the present. It was true to word that Nick had one of the world’s smallest attention spans. Anything less then exciting failed to hold his attention for very long. Unfortunately no fish seemed to be biting that morning, allowing the leeway for Nick to catch an extra few minutes of precious sleep.

A second fold out chair had been set up next to the one Nick was currently perched in, along with an unprepared fishing pole propped against the boat’s railing. For a moment Brian was unsure of what to make of the set up. A spark of hope lit within that maybe the gesture of the extra set up was Nick’s silent way of inviting Brian closer to possibly patch up what had been torn further the night before. But there was no way to be exactly sure and Brian wasn’t ready to read too far into the present situation, knowing there might possibly be a let down waiting on the other end.

A low distorted snore escaped from Nick’s pursed lips and he shifted ever so slightly in the position he sat. Brian continued to watch with hesitancy, undecided over a next move. But finally he reached forward and light tapped Nick on the shoulder, hoping to carefully arouse the younger man from his sleep. Nick however jumped violently, dropping the Ipod from his lap which slid dangerously close to the edge of the boat, and in the process, he nearly lost his grip on the fishing pole. He quickly regained his posture, leaning forward and grabbing the Ipod before it could slip off into the water. Pulling the headphones away from his ears, he craned his neck, slowly looking up towards Brian with his expression dazed and slightly taken off guard. “You scared the shit out of me,” he spoke in a hoarse voice, slipping the MP3 player into one of the cargo pockets of his shorts. Then he began to real the empty line in, preparing for another cast.

“Sorry,” Brian apologized with a simple shrug.

“You slept late,” Nick said, adjusting his visor. He quickly glanced at his wristwatch, noting the current hour before lifting the pole to cast off again.

“Didn’t sleep much the night before,” Brian lied in a lame tone, and then added, “Seems you didn’t sleep at all last night.”

“Pulled an all nighter in the control room,” Nick answered.

“Why’s that?”

“Had a lot on my mind I guess.”

“Oh.”

“You can sit down you know. That chair ain’t set there to bathe in the sun and get a tan.”

Brian raised a surprised eyebrow, catching hint of the mysterious tone in Nick’s voice. Again, he wasn’t sure what to make of it. But as to not take any chances of offending Nick, he slowly lowered himself into the chair. “Didn’t want to sit on Casper the Friendly Ghost if he had by any chance happened to make a visit,” Brian attempted to joke, hoping to produce the faintest smile from Nick, but Nick’s face remained set in stone, never wavering. Brian fought a sigh; it had been a lame joke, but he didn’t know what else to say. Nick wasn’t making the situation any easier and he sure wasn’t making the hope for striking a conversation very bright either. Brian shifted in the chair to get comfortable and glanced out along the ocean line. The ocean stretched out as far as his eyes could see, and if he didn’t know any better, he could have very well guessed that the Earth just fell away past that point. It struck him as amazing to know that the vast ocean stretched on even further. But that was beside the point.

“You do know how to fish, right?” Nick questioned moments later when neither had spoken a single word.

“Man, do I know how to fish?” Brian chuckled. “Nick, I come from Kentucky.”

“They got oceans in Kentucky?” Nick asked, and if the absolute seriousness etched across his face wasn’t enough to break the tension in the air, then nothing would be able to.

Brian shook his head, grinning. “Sure they got oceans. My gramps had one in his back yard.”

For a second Nick sat back as if pondering what Brian had just said, then he rolled his eyes, finally catching on to the true meaning behind Brian’s words. “Ha ha,” he replied slowly, flicking his wrists ever so exquisitely and sending the fishing line sailing out over the water where it landed several yards away.

“Maybe I ain’t ever ocean fished before, but I’ve done my share of lake fishing,” Brian continued, deciding it wouldn’t be the best of ideas to give Nick such a hard time for the less then bright question he had just asked. “In fact, when I was younger, my dad and my gramps used to take Harry and me out on this lake close by where we lived and we’d spend the whole day together fishing. Kev and I used to go out quite a bit too. In fact, we still do anytime we go back to visit. Then afterwards, depending on whose house we headed to, Mom or Grams would have this huge feast set out on the table for us. Auntie Anne is quite the cook also. Those were the good ol’ days.”

Nick nodded, but inside he felt a sharp pang of jealousy stab right at the center of his heart. While Brian was able to sit there and reminisce about warm and happy memories from his past, Nick himself couldn’t do the same. He didn’t hold those special memories where he had spent the day out on the lake with his father and grandfather, fishing and being macho men, only to go back home and sit down to a huge home cooked meal. His family had never been that close knit. He would never admit it aloud, especially to Brian, but Nick had always been jealous. He hated hearing of Brian and Kevin speaking of their past back in Kentucky, Howie speaking of his family that he was also very close to, or the extremely close relationship AJ had with his mother and grandparents. It often made Nick sick inside with jealousy because he had never experienced such relationships. He had never been that close with his family, especially not his mother. But he would never admit it to the others. If he couldn’t beat them, then he would just join them, even if he was the only one who knew it was all a lie.

“So, uh…” Brian hesitated, leaning forward and grasping the large fishing pole with a questioning stare. “Any differences between this and lake fishing that I should know about?”

“Bigger pole, bigger fish, more fighting and difficulty when you reel them in,” Nick answered shortly, kicking his feet back onto the railing.

“Ah, ‘k. Gotcha.”

“You’ll get used to it. But nothing’s biting.”

“Did you scare them away?”

“Funny, but no. I think it’s more like you have scared them away, with that hair of yours. Dude, have you even looked in the mirror?”

“I was thinking of trying for a new style. Ya know maybe out do AJ for once.”

“Good luck, but I don’t think anyone could out do AJ when it comes to hair.”

“Couldn’t hurt to try,” Brian mumbled, running a hand through his tasseled locks. “So…do I just what, cast like I would cast any other fishing line? Or what?”

“Just give it a good flick of your wrist. You want to cast it as far away from the boat as you can. That way you got enough room to reel it in when the shark bites.”

“Shark?”

“You never know. But you don’t have to worry about a shark. That pole isn’t built to handle a shark.”

“But-”

“I was just kidding, Brian.”

“Yeah, I knew that,” Brian answered, fumbling with the thin line for a moment before raising the pull and attempting to imitate the wrist flick that Nick had previously showed. However, Brian’s turned out to look more like a messy wrist flop and his line fell only half way as far away from the boat as Nick’s had. “Should I try again?”

“Nah, it’s fine where it is.”

Brian inhaled a deep breath, easing back into the seat as silence draped over the general area once again. He started to wonder if it was the best idea to be hanging around when it was obvious Nick wasn’t keen to be on speaking terms at the moment, but Brian wasn’t one to give up so easily. He knew Nick believed their friendship wasn’t at all what it used to be, and maybe Brian was starting to believe the same thing, but he had all but given up hope on the possibility of mending the broken relationship. Certainly they had grown distant over the years, and especially during the long break the group had unanimously agreed to take. Generally everybody’s friendship wasn’t what it once used to be, but like time had caused a rift between them, time was also able to mend that rift. At least Brian still believed that, even if Nick didn’t.

“You’re thinking,” Nick blurted.

“Aren’t you?” Brian answered.

“Maybe.”

“About Ashlyn?”

“Yeah, among other things. You?”

“The same.”

“Why would you be thinking about my girl?”

Brian turned to look at Nick. “No you tard. I’m thinking about my family.”

“Oh.”

Silence again; an uncomfortable silence.

“Ashlyn’s pregnant.”

Brian nearly lost his grip on the fishing pole as he whipped around in his seat, his jaw dropped and staring at Nick in disbelief. For reasons unbeknownst to him, he figured he shouldn’t have been as shocked to hear those two words slip from Nick’s lips, but actually hearing them spoken out loud was a bigger surprise then any. The sudden revelation revealed came as a total shock. But Nick refused to meet his stare. Instead he looked off over the surface of the glimmering sun streaked water, chewing sullenly on his bottom lip as if contemplating any further words. But he didn’t speak anymore, only continued to stare off into the distance. “Nick…” Brian drawled slowly, unsure of the correct thing to say that wouldn’t set Nick off in a temper.

“Before you go all Kevin anal on me, I know what you are thinking,” Nick interrupted, hesitating ever so slightly as he scratched at his temple with furled brows. For the first time in years, Brian could see that scared child from long ago peaking through Nick’s rough exterior. He no longer appeared tough as a brick, but more so looked run down and at a loss for the energy that used to get him through life when times got tough.

“You underestimate me,” Brian replied unconvincingly. “Nick, look at me.”

Nick slowly glanced in Brian’s direction. “Please just do me the favor and save the lecture.”

“I’m not gonna lecture you, Nick.”

“That’s a surprise.”

“Why would you say that?”

“Because I can just hear you now. ‘Nick, what were you thinking?! Don’t you realize what this means?! You idiot! You never think, do you! I can’t believe how irresponsible you are!’ It’s called being Kevin anal because I can hear him saying the same things to me.”

“I wasn’t going to say anything like that at all. You are old enough to make your own decisions, and I can’t stop you from doing what you’re going to do. None of us can. But Nick, a baby?”

“See? You’re doing it.”

Brian sighed, knowing there was no win to the situation. “How far along is she?” he finally asked, hoping to turn the conversation in a more positive direction. He hated the way Nick’s facial expressions were so withdrawn. It was obvious the subject had been a constant thought on Nick’s mind, but Brian wondered just how long Nick had been hiding it. And why he had blurted it so suddenly.

“The doctor said about three and a half months,” Nick shrugged.

“And you’re sure it’s yours?”

“Shit, Brian, of course I’m sure it’s mine!” Nick exclaimed, his face turning several shades darker as he shot an icy offended glare full of daggers in Brian’s direction.

“I didn’t mean it like that-”

“Well what did you mean it as?” Nick spat. “I’ve never cheated on Ashlyn and I know for a fact that she has never cheated on me. We have always been faithful to each other. I know I have been a major screw up in the past when it comes to relationships, but is it really so hard to believe that I am capable of being faithful to the one I truly love?”

“I know you are capable of being faithful. I never thought you weren’t.”

“Then why did you ask if it was mine?”

“I was…surprised, I guess.”

“Well, it is mine. I know it is. I’m going to be a father damnit, ok? A baby, Brian. Ashlyn and I are having a baby together and I’m scared shitless,” Nick trembled as the words rushed from his mouth in one drawn out breath. He looked away again, bowing his head to keep his face hidden from view. His hands hung limply in front of him as he sat hunched forward, the pole positioned at an odd angle. His body visibly began to shake and it was soon apparent that a stream of warm tears was streaking the skin of Nick’s cheeks. “Brian, I…I don’t know what to do. I’m so scared right now. This wasn’t meant to happen. We were so careful with everything… and then… God, I’m going to be a father and I don’t know the first thing about raising a child.”

“But you’re great with kids, Nick. Look at your siblings. You used to help take care of them all of the time. And Baylee absolutely adores you, ya know. Being around kids comes natural to you. It’s like it’s a second nature that allows you to connect with them on a certain level that not everybody else can. It’s alright to be scared about this because I was scared to death when Leigh told me she was pregnant. But it’s something you learn to accept and as time goes on, you will start to get very excited and you’ll look forward to it. I can honestly tell you that you are going to be fine and I know you are going to be a great father to this child. Despite what you may think of yourself.”

Nick nodded, but he still refused to look up. He was grateful for all that Brian had said, but had all the difficulty of actually believing any of it. He wasn’t ready to be a father. Not with everything going on in his life or the way things were going. Life seemed so unstable again, taking him in all directions he wasn’t able to predict. He wasn’t sure if bringing a new child into the equation was such a smart idea. After all, he had watched the difficulties Brian had gone through after Baylee was born. But the difference between him and Brian was the support system. Brian had the support of his wife and family. Nick, himself, only had Ashlyn to rely on. He had learned over the years that he couldn’t expect to rely on his family for the support he needed, especially when his family was so damn dysfunctional to begin with. And the fellas would never understand. He wasn’t so sure he believed Brian’s automatic acceptance of the revelation either.

“Do you trust me, Nick?”
“I suppose.”

“Have I ever lied to you?”

“Not exactly.”

“Trust me now, alright? I’m not gonna lie to you. You’re up for a rough road ahead, but you’re gonna get through it. I know you love Ashlyn, and I’m happy for you. And I know things haven’t exactly been peachy between us for a long time, but I’m here for you, alright? Something big is happening in your life and things are about to change for you, but you’re not alone. Nick, you’re never alone. And as for the others, because I know you’re thinking about it, they will be there too. Even if Kevin does go a bit anal on you. He still cares.”

Nick chuckled quietly, hiccupping with embarrassment from the tears he was furiously trying to wipe away. He began to reel the line in, abandoning all interest in spending the hours hoping to catch at least one bite to make him feel proud again. When he had the line completely in, he stood from the chair and with a kick of his foot, brought it back into the compacted position. He stood there for a moment, chewing at his bottom lip again. “Figuring I’ma go pull the anchor and get us back on course. Probably wasted too much time already. Don’t want Kevin to have a shit fit if we arrive too late.”

“Kevin have a shit fit? Nah, not my cousin.”

“You’re living in denial, Bri. Shit fits are Kevin’s favorite hobby.”

“Yeah, I guess I can see what you’re saying.”

“Guess I’ll head up to the control room now. Just put the chair in the storage compartment whenever you’re ready. And uh, thanks for everything, Bri.”

Brian watched Nick head off without another word, noticing the way he wavered slightly with each step. He suddenly viewed Nick in such a different perspective, a deeper sense of admiration. Nick had admitted the mistake he had made, but despite having admitted such was still stepping up to the responsibility of taking care of the new life he and Ashlyn had created together. Brian was still surprised to know such a fact that Nick’s life was about to take a three hundred and sixty degree turn, but more so, it provided Brian the hope that this change would act as mending glue to their tattered relationship. Somehow he hoped things would be ok in the end after all. But first Nick was going to need all of the support he could get. Nick was about to become a father, something Brian never would have guessed.

Chapter 4:

Brian’s mind wandered as he found himself alone at the bow of the boat, leaning forward against the metal railing. He allowed his line of sight to focus somewhere off in the fading distance, staring blankly at a darkened horizon where the sun had set below the edge of the vast expanse of water hours earlier. He sighed, trembling slightly as a light sea breeze toyed with the soft curls of hair against his forehead and glanced upward at the continual accumulation of formidable clouds in the evening sky. The weather had been changing constantly throughout the entirety of the day, although instead of getting better, Brian uneasily began to perceive the notion that it was only getting worse. He frowned as he studied the twisting and uneven outlines of the charcoal gray fixtures overhead. There was something about their ominous presence that twisted a sickening knot in the very pit of his stomach, but then again he was almost quick to credit that to the fact that he hadn’t been thrilled about taking this trip in the first place and being out in the middle of the ocean on a tiny boat compared to some standards wasn’t the most comforting idea in the world. Even more discomforting was the fact that he still hadn’t spoken to Nick or even seen his estranged friend since earlier that afternoon during their rather uncomfortable confrontation. It seemed Nick was making all efforts and then some to completely steer clear of Brian’s path at all costs, leaving him unsure what to make of the general situation. For the longest time Brian had undoubtedly known of the unmistakable breakage of one of the closest friendships he had ever cherished, so when Nick had presented him with the invitation to go on this trip, he had guessed without a second thought that it was Nick’s unspoken way of hinting towards him making an effort of wanting to try to patch the hole that had formed. But now that explanation seemed to spiral down the drain because Nick wouldn’t look at Brian or speak a single word to him and he was once again doing one of the things he did best and that was hiding from his problems. The opportunity for salvation was right there in front of Nick and he couldn’t understand why he was continuing to run from it.

Brian shook his head in an expression of melancholy and bent at the waist so that he was resting his forehead against his folded arms. He could hear a light swishing against the hull of the boat as the salty sea water came in contact with thick metal in a slapping motion. He felt horrible, both mentally and physically, although he was sure the former symptom wasn’t all too much attributed to an ailing case of seasickness. It troubled him to know things had become so complicated over the years when in retrospect, everything used to seem so simple. But most troublesome of all was the fact that try as he might, he couldn’t find a solution that would fix the problem. Brian lifted his head and craned his neck to glance back at the towering control room where he knew for a fact Nick was still hiding. On one hand he was tempted to march right into that room and demand that Nick stop acting so childish and at least give the opportunity for a civilized conversation a chance, but a nagging voice of hesitancy prevented him from taking a single step forward. What Brian was so afraid of, he wasn’t sure. Maybe it was the possibility of a blunt rejection towards him on Nick’s part that halted him from moving even an inch. Or maybe he was finally starting to accept the demise that had become of his and Nick’s friendship. When had he become such a coward? Wasn’t he doing one of the things Kevin had always advised him against doing, which was giving up at fixing a problem? “There’s a solution to everything, Bri. Some are harder then others to find. The trick is to not give up while you’re looking for the solution.” Of course that was always easier said then done, but as he stood there with Kevin’s voice reprimanding him inside his head, Brian scoffed in disgust. He was a coward. He was so quick to say Nick was the worst when it came to running from his problems, but in all truth he was no better because he was no more ready to work towards that solution then Nick was. And wasn’t he in all reality running from the problem too?


“Geez, Littrell, can you be anymore of a hypocrite?” Brian grumbled, lifting his head to once again focus his attention on the clouds. They were no darker then moments before, however they appeared just as threatening. Brian shivered, listening. Somewhere in the distance a faint crackling of thunder disturbed the seaward silence and caused the skin on Brian’s arms to crawl. His attention snapped in the general direction, his weary eyes narrowing in unease. Although almost unnoticeable, the breeze around him picked up the slightest and he stepped back from the railing, adjusting the wildcats cap atop his head. His heart skipped several beats in his chest as the nerves in his body kicked into overdrive in a premature fashion. Brian inhaled a sharp breath and turned on his heels, crossing the deck towards the staircase that led up to the control room and took the stairs two at a time, all the while he remained unaware of the tiny droplets of precipitation that had begun to land periodically on the deck of the boat.

*****

Nick’s head pounded with an intensity that the two aspirin he had recently taken could not seem to control. Each passing second drilled a pain into each temple, threatening a head explosion that Nick was almost ready to welcome. His mind was clouded, he felt sick to the very core of his stomach, and the soda he had been nursing now lie flat and warm on the counter top next to him. He hunched over with the points of his elbows balancing atop the counter and rested his forehead within his hands. The map beneath his upper limbs adorned new red markings as a slight revision to the course he had hoped to be taking. Stopping their course of travel for several hours that morning had put them further behind schedule then Nick had originally anticipated. Now he stood trying to correct the set back to catch them up to speed. The task shouldn’t have proved too difficult, but he had received a semi urgent fax from weather control nearly an hour before hand warning him of the developing storm system he had mentioned to Brian the day before. Now Nick had to brainstorm a slightly alternate route in order to bypass the storm system. Doing so would already most likely set them a day behind schedule which wasn’t at all pleasing. Nick had hoped to not encounter any complications during the duration of the voyage, although now it seemed like that wasn’t going to be possible.

Taking another sip of the decarbonated liquid, Nick grimaced in disgust and carried the can over to the trash bin. He let the tin can fall into the bin with a sounding ‘clunk’ and glanced up to stare out at the darkening sky. There was an unmistakable shaking of the doorknob that made Nick freeze in the spot where he stood, followed by a light knocking that echoed through the tiny room. For a moment he stood there dumbly, staring in anticipation as if almost forgetting that he wasn’t alone on board. The knocking continued with another shaking of the handle until Nick finally regained his momentum and forced his feet to move. He pushed his body towards the windowless steel door and reached for the handle, pausing. “Who is it?” he called out vaguely, the bottom of his hand merely resting atop the surface of the round knob.

“Who do you think it is?” Brian responded pointedly moments later when Nick finally pulled the door open. He didn’t wait for his friend to step aside and pushed his way into the room.

Nick shut the door and turned. “So it was a dumb question,” he shrugged.

Brian was prepared with a witty reply but quickly abandoned the idea when he noted the look of rejection etched across Nick’s face. “Yeah, it was,” he chided lightly with a small laugh. “But luckily we’re stuck out here with noone else around to have heard it.”

“Just my luck huh?”

“Aren’t you relieved?”

“Brian? Shut up.”

Brian wheezed, raising his eyebrows and biting at his bottom lip. “Point taken.”

“So...” Nick drawled, bypassing the vicinity in which Brian stood and moving towards the large wooden wheel. He gripped the object absentmindedly and made every obvious effort to avoid Brian’s gaze, allowing a thick uncomfortable tense air to blanket the room. He cleared his throat.

“Gonna stay up here the whole time?”

“Thinking about it.”

“Feeling antisocial?”

“Considering it.”

Brian withheld a frustrated sigh. He had a hard enough time speaking to Nick as it was and the tall blonde wasn’t making it any easier with a clear unwillingness at wanting to hold any sort of a conversation, whether it be one sided or not. “Well, stay up here and you’ll have more then enough time to consider things.”

“Seems I’ve got a lot of time to do that lately,” Nick mumbled. “Was there something I can help you with?”

“Geez, Nick, you sure have a way of making a guy feel like his presence is unwanted.”

“Didn’t mean it like that, but take it how you want.”

Brian looked upward and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. “You know, you aren’t making this any easier.”

Nick cocked an eyebrow, turning around. “What do you mean?”

Considering his next approach carefully, Brian raised his hands, palms upward. “This...this attitude of yours. I don’t really know what to call it, Nick. But it certainly isn’t by any means a walk in the park being stuck onboard this boat with you-”

“Figured you would have already exhausted your need to tell me how much you disliked being here-” Nick began to lightly retort.

Brian’s eyes narrowed. “Come off that already, would you? Fine, you’re right. If you’re not going to be honest, then maybe I should start being honest with you. This whole idea?” He spread his arms out, waving them around briefly to motion to the general area of the room. “Is absolutely ridiculous. In fact, it’s probably one of the stupidest ideas you have ever come up with in all of the years that I have known you and honestly speaking, I would rather be anywhere else right now then stuck out here with you, but since I’m here right now and there’s nothing you or I can do about it, then I’d say it’s about time we start putting the shit out on the table, ‘cause I for one am tired of beating around the bush and trying to act like everything is all fine and dandy. Respect goes both ways, Nick, and when you invited me along, I had expected a lot more then your piss poor show of effort-”

“Are you done yet?” Nick interrupted emotionlessly, although the harder Brian stared, the more clearly he was able to see the shattering of Nick’s soul from deep inside. However, his taller friend stood his ground only feet away, refusing the explanation Brian was failing at trying to pry from him.

Brian blinked in an almost disbelief, his lips parted in a quick reply, yet he found himself rendered speechless at the blatant disregard in Nick’s stature. He stood there silently for several moments more before turning away briefly. If he had enough sense coursing through him at that moment, then he would have stepped forward and sent his fist flying directly into Nick’s left temple, however Brian knew acting on such an impulse would have served no purpose other then making the situation far worse. The density in the air was already tense enough as it was, thick enough that Brian felt as if he could slice through the air with a sharpened serrated knife. He turned around again and glared forward. “Is that the best you can come up with?” he asked in return, surprised that he was experiencing some form of disappointment. The least he had expected was for the faintest resemblance of a fight of some sorts, at least to the point where Nick stood firm in defending himself, although it seemed he had given up on doing even that in the least.

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nick, what happened to you?” Brian whispered. Nick cocked an eyebrow but remained steadfast in refusing to answer, leaving the ball in the pit of Brian’s stomach to grow agonizingly bigger, creating a discomfort that seemed to be even worse then the tense density in the air. Brian shook his head, allowing disappointment and a certain sense of cowardice claim yet another victory. “Honestly, I didn’t come up here to fight. And really...I don’t know what’s happened or why, but I’m trying and I’m willing to make the effort. Nick?”

Nick cleared his throat with a barely audible guttural sound, releasing all of his weight against the surface of the steering wheel. “I heard you,” he mumbled.

Brian clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth, frowning. “Ya know...” he started while slowly making his way backwards toward the door. “I wouldn’t have come on this trip with you if I absolutely didn’t want to, but the point is I actually do give a care in the matter. I just...thought you knew me better to realize that.”

“At one point in time...” Nick sighed but shook his head, firmly deciding against his former choice of words. “I don’t know anything anymore, Brian. After all, I’m just the dumb fuck up who can’t do anything right with my life. I mean, that’s what all of you think, right? I’ll always be the screw up who disappoints everyone. You wanted me to admit it, didn’t you? Well I just did, and you know what? I’ll admit something else. I don’t know what I was thinking when I asked you to come along. You’re right though. It was stupid. The whole idea was stupid. Just another one of Nick’s stupid ass ideas. The only difference is I figured the old Brian, the Brian who used to honestly care and make me feel like I was important…I figured he would see past all of that. But I guess I am seeing now that I was horribly wrong.”

Brian stood frozen in place in a dumbstruck awe. He could see Nick trying to keep the tears at bay but failing at the matter all the same. Nick had always hated to let his emotions burst forth. Years prior Brian would find himself getting after the younger man about his lack of speaking up when something was wrong; now he couldn't find it in his heart to lecture Nick for not bringing it up in the first place. A certain chord, painful as it was, had been struck in Brian heart. He heaved a deep breath, searching for something to say...something logical that would tame the wild fury and conviction in Nick's tone. But it was all too apparent that Nick had been holding back for quite some time and it seemed that nothing Brian could find to say at that moment would make any sort of difference. He surrendered his attempts to find reason and resorted to letting his mouth part in silence.

The lack of response only fueled Nick's anger and irritation further. His green eyes dimmed immensely as he nodded towards something that seemed to be a mutual agreement although it remained left unsaid. He almost appeared to have set his face into a deadly glare and his body remained rigid and upright where he stood. "Wow, now I am getting the silent treatment. Been hanging around Kevin much lately?" he sneered and turned to reach for a pack of cigarettes that had previously been lying unattended to on the counter next to him. He stuck one end between his lips and slowly lit the other. The smoke filtered through the air of the enclosed room in a smoky haze, but it didn't phase Nick and neither did Brian's sudden cringe of disgust. "What?" he asked nonchalantly.

"Since when did you start smoking?" Brian demanded, taken aback in a concerned awe as his voice sounded nothing like his own.

Nick rolled his eyes, clearly annoyed. Brian had reacted the same way when it came to that exact habit AJ was guilty of. Only Nick had never expected to receive the reflection of disappointment staring back at him for such a small decision he had chosen to make. Brian always had his own way of voicing his distaste to each and every one of their bad habits, but he had given the most leniency when it came to Nick. He had seemed to realize that Nick was going to do what he wanted despite anyone's protests and he needed to be allowed to make his own mistakes. Brian had always let him proceed, walking a step behind so Nick would have a strong structure of support to fall back on, secretly hoping the younger man would ultimately make the right decision. Now he stood before him with a disgust so utterly forward that it made Nick cringe. He took another drag from the cigarette nonetheless. "When you stopped caring," he finally spat, knowing it was childish but hoping all the same to hold tight to his stubborn reserve.

"I've never stopped caring-"

"Bullshit, Brian. I'm not stupid. I don't need you or your pitiful stares. So I made a mistake bringing you here. At least give me the decency of not rubbing it in my face the whole damn time."

"God Nick..." Brian whispered, feeling himself physically going backwards from Nick's outburst. It was foolish that they were even in the spot they found themselves in, but Brian had never expected it. Then again he imagined maybe he had been just too blind to see the road they were heading down. But to say he didn't care was the ultimate weapon to tear him apart and Nick was using it to his own selfish advantages, whether he knew the extent of the damage he was causing or not.

Nick moved over to the counter that held the large map and picked up the red pencil he had previously been creating the markings with. He scribbled a few notations before looking up again to see Brian was still glued in place. Nick felt his heart hammering in his chest and the pit welling deep in his stomach as he bit at his bottom lip in wonder. He hated the dejection in Brian's demeanor but knew all too well that he himself appeared no better. He withheld a sigh and reached up to rub at his temples, a lack of sleep causing the exhaustion to creep in unexpectedly. "I'm sorry for dragging you out here. Really, I am. But the least you could do is pretend you care instead of blatantly lying to my face." He gathered the map at both sides and began to roll it so each end met in the middle before placing it aside, then moved to a compacted digital control panel to the right of the wooden wheel. He punched in several codes with determination, twisted a dial one click to the left, and pushed two buttons in simultaneously. Satisfied that he had achieved what he set out to do at the panel, he backed away and snuffed his cigarette out in a nearby ashtray. Nick's eyes scanned the vicinity of the room several times, hesitating on making any sort of move. "The boat is on auto pilot at the moment," he explained lightly. "Should be ok to navigate itself for now. I'm going down to the bunks for a while. Mind watching over things for me?"

Brian never got the chance to answer either way as Nick brushed past him and slammed out the steel door, leaving a quaking roar of thunder in the distance to echo and a heavy weight to press further down upon Brian's shoulders.