Making my way through the crowded store, I tried hard not to sneeze again. I could feel the effects of an oncoming cold and I wasn’t happy about it at all. All I needed was to be sick for Christmas—that would just take the cake. I bobbed and weaved through the people who all seemed to be packed tightly together like sardines in a can. “Why do people wait until Christmas Eve to do their shopping? Don’t they know that they’ll have much better luck three months before…sheesh,” I mumbled and politely smiled at an older lady as I cut through the line she was in. She gave me an awfully dirty glare, but I dismissed it and handed my sister the only Elmo I could find in that forsaken store. “Here,” I handed it to her.

“This isn’t Chicken Dance Elmo, Trista. I said Chicken…Dance…Elmo,” she over enunciated the product as though I didn’t understand what she was saying. I had learned to dismiss my sister’s crankiness lately. Dani was usually upbeat and cheerful, but she definitely had a very good reason to be a little less than perky.

“Sorry Dani,” I gave her a sympathetic look as she rubbed her right hand around her swollen belly and pressed the other hand against her back. “They’re out of the Chicken Dance Elmo. That’s all they had.”

“Great,” she huffed.

I turned my head to look at a magazine so she wouldn’t see me smirking. Containing myself I turned back to her and offered a positive outlook. “Maybe we’ll find one somewhere else.”

“Trista,” her voice was impatient, “If Toys R Us doesn’t have a damn Chicken Dance Elmo, do you actually think we’ll find one somewhere else? Be for real.”

“Well, maybe Mom or someone else got Michael one. You never know.”

“Yeah, well I do know that he is gonna be one disappointed little boy if he doesn’t get that Elmo.”

Just as I was about to respond, I bumped into someone. “Oh, excuse me, I’m--Nick—hi,” I said in surprise.

“Trista, hey,” he was just as shocked as I was.

Just seeing him made a floodgate of memories burst open. He hadn’t changed at all. Okay, so that was a bit of a lie—he looked even better than I remembered. God, how long had it been? 2…3 years? Wow. I had avoided him that long, but I knew it wouldn’t be forever before I saw him again.

“Nicky…” I said his name in a singsong voice.

“What?” he smiled, using the same tone in his voice.

“I love you…”

“Okay, Tris, what do you want?” he laughed and ducked just before a pillow nailed him in the head. When he came back up, I hurled another and hit him right in the face.

“Score!” I giggled. “But I still love you.”

He pulled me across his lap and pressed his forehead to mine. I loved him so much and sometimes I just had to tell him for no reason. I guess I was just terrified to loose him. “What do you want for Christmas?”

“I have everything I want.”

“Okay,” I snorted. “Cut the crap and tell me what you want.”

“Well, I haven’t really thought about what I want for Christmas…I mean, it is a month away.” Shrugging, his brow creased as the tried to think. “I dunno. I really haven’t put much thought into it. I’d be fine with just us spending a weekend away from everyone. In the mountains maybe…”

“Trista?” his voice brought me out of my thoughts.

“Yeah?” I asked, suddenly loosing myself in his eyes. They always reminded me of the sky on a sunny, cloudless day. Especially if he was grinning. “Sorry, I was thinking about something I forgot,” the lie stumbled from my tongue.

“I just asked how you’ve been doing…I mean, we haven’t seen each other in quite a while…” his voice trailed off. I thought I detected a hint of sadness, but he wasn’t the type to hang onto things like that.

“Oh, well, I’ve been great,” another lie escaped me. What was I saying? It wasn’t really a big secret—everyone knew my grandmother had just died the previous month. My family was also having quite a bit of financial trouble, though, next to no one knew that. So, why would I lie to Nick? After all, I had once told him everything there was to know, but that had been years ago. He wasn’t the same person I had confided all my secrets, hopes, dreams, and ambitions to…was he? No, he couldn’t be. “What about you?”

“I’ve been okay.” I knew that was a lie before he even said it. It was definitely no big secret that he and the other guys were no longer together as a group. After his solo album earlier that year, they had just kind of drifted away from the spotlight, later announcing the “mutual decision as a group” to stop while they were ahead. I had no doubt that it had been hard on all of them, but most of all on Nick. I’m sure he felt a little helpless without the other four to tell him what to do. I knew that no matter how much he complained, he loved having them there. “How have you been holding up?”

“Well, you know,” I offered a weak smile. I heard Dani call my name and turned to see what she needed.

“I’ve gotta go get one more thing…hold my spot in line.”

“’Kay,” I called back before I was shoved into Nick. Suddenly I was hurdled back to when we first met.

“Uh…excuse me,” I said with an attitude as some tall, clumsy guy bumped into me. As soon as I made eye contact with him, all the irritation was gone and I was suddenly a bumbling idiot. “Sorry.”

The guy smirked a little. “That’s okay…my fault. So, you from around here?”

I was extremely amused at his attempt to turn the situation into a smooth way to hit on me. “Well, if you must know, no I’m not from around here. I’m from Georgia.”

“Yeah, I should’ve recognized the accent,” he offered a knowing nod. “You sound like a Georgia girl.”

I couldn’t kelp but snicker as he tried harder and harder to be charming.

“Is something funny?” he asked grinning.

Suddenly, I couldn’t contain my laughter any longer. “Yeah…you.”

“Well, you know, I could continue to humor you tonight at dinner if you want. I know a great little place.”

And for some reason, I told him yes.

As the line slowly crept forward about a half inch, I tried to think of something to talk about. I would never have thought that there could ever be an awkward silence between Nick and me. It just never seemed at all possible. “So…” I began just as he was about to say something. “Go ahead.”

“Oh, I was just gonna ask if you had any big plans for tomorrow.”

“No, not really,” I answered a little sadly. “We’re all going over to my parent’s house for dinner, but that’s it.” Another long pause. I looked down at me feet and pretended to be interested in the white tiles. With my head down, I took a quick glance at Nick’s left hand. I was surprised at the emotions I felt run through me when I saw the plain gold band that was hugging his ring finger. So, all those rumors were true. I knew he had been dating someone and I had even heard a few rumors that he had gotten engaged, but when I heard them, I didn’t seek any truth for them. I had decided to put that chapter of my life behind me and move on. Though, now, for some reason, it felt as though my heart had been stepped on. He was married? He had just been engaged a short time, according to the media, but then again, he could have been engaged much longer. “You finally tied the knot?”

“Oh, uh,” he gave a nervous laugh. “Yeah.”

“Congratulations,” I smiled my strongest smile and held my head up. Why did this bother me so much?

“Thanks,” he said lamely.

I gave him an odd look due to his lack of enthusiasm. He was married and he didn’t seem at all thrilled. Why wouldn’t he be? Nick was not a person that would settle for any person that strolled along; why would he put himself in a situation where he wasn’t happy? Maybe I’m reading into this too much. Who says he isn’t happy…maybe he thinks that it bothers me. But, truth be told, it did bother me. A lot. I knew that it was my fault the relationship ended, but I thought it was the best thing at the time. I wasn’t so sure now. Subconsciously, I reached up and grabbed the delicate gold chain that was around my neck and stuck my index finger through the ring that was hanging on it.

“You’re not dating anyone?” he asked, eager to move the topic away from him.

“No,” came my quick response. Still fiddling with the ring I sighed. “I haven’t really had much time or interest for dating.”

At that Nick gave me an odd look. Could it be that we were both miserable? That we both regretted what happened in the past and wished we could take it all back? Yes, that’s very possible, I thought sadly. I missed him more than words could describe, but what could I do about it. Moving the ring around on the chain, I thought back to the day he gave it to me.

“Close your eyes,” he said with a smile in his voice.

“Nick,” I whined. “C’mon, you know I hate surprises.”

“Nope, you’re not getting your way on this one, Tris. Close your eyes and give me your hand. Please just cooperate with me here, babe.”

For some reason, Nick decided that he wanted us to have a nice, romantic night together. There was no reason in particular…just that he wanted us to spend some time together. “Why do I have to have a reason to spend the evening with the love of my life?” he pouted when I questioned his motives. I instantly felt bad for asking and agreed to go along with him, but now that he had me blindfolded, I wasn’t so sure I liked it much any more.

“We’re almost there,” he said quietly.

After a few minutes of walking, we finally stopped and he dropped my hand. “Don’t you dare,” I heard him say when my hand went for the blindfold. “I’ll take that off when I’m completely ready, okay?”

“Fine,” I laughed. I could hear him moving around somewhere nearby, but I had no idea what he was doing. I jumped slightly when I felt his warm hand on my bare arm.

“Sorry, baby,” he chuckled. “Okay, let’s take this off.”

When he had carefully removed my blindfold, I looked around and saw that we were out by his swimming pool. I gasped when I took in the scenery all around me. It was dark and there were clear Christmas lights hanging on the ivy covered lattice that surrounded the area and there were also numerous candles around the edge of the large pool. I noticed a small table in the far corner that was set up to look like one in a fancy restaurant and I could hear the faint hum of Brian McKnight playing. “Nick…” I trailed off, unable to find the right words to say.

“Do you like it baby?”

“Yes,” I smiled. Then, before I knew what was happening, he had dropped to his knee and had my left hand in his. I suddenly felt very faint.

“Trista, I love you. And I couldn’t think of anyone I would rather spend the rest of my life with. I can only hope that everyone could find someone that makes them as happy as you make me.” There was a slight pause and I saw his eyes tear up. “Trista Ellis, will you make me the happiest man in the world and marry me?”

My tears began to flow freely and I dropped to my knees in front of him, letting him slide the beautiful oval diamond onto my slender finger. I wrapped my arms around his neck and planted tiny kisses all over his face. “I love you so much Nick. Yes, I will marry you.”

“Good,” he said with a slight laugh. “I was getting a little worried when you never answered me.”

I’ll never forget the sparkle in his blue eyes. His eyes always seemed to have the same happy gleam, but not now. He looked tired and unhappy. Maybe it was me wanting him to look like he was unhappy. That was selfish, yes, but I was very unhappy and I just wanted to know if he was feeling what I was feeling. Suddenly, Dani’s voice broke through my self-centered thoughts. “Okay, I’m back. I thought maybe I could find that damn Elmo,” she confessed meekly. “You were right.”

I smiled a little and looked up at Nick. To my astonishment, he was staring at me. Feeling a little uncomfortable, I tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear and then started to twirl a small strand around my finger—a nervous habit since I was a child. All of a sudden, the line started to move a little more quickly. “Well, I guess I should be going.”

guess I need to get going,” I said sadly. “I think I have everything. If not, I’ll get it later.”

“Tris, you don’t have to do this,” Nick pleaded with me. He had a desperate look in his eyes and he tried his best to keep me from walking out the door. “Please, baby, we can work this out.”

“Nick, I’m tired of trying to ‘work things out’. I don’t think I can work any harder…” I was trying very hard not to cry. It was a failed attempt. I felt Nick reach out and gently wiped away a renegade tear. “Nicky…please don’t…” my voice broke apart. After I wiped my eyes and tried to compose myself, I slipped the engagement ring off my finger and tried to give it back to him.

“No,” he pushed the ring back onto my finger. “Trista, don’t go.”

“I have to, I’m sorry,” I said and pulled myself out of his arms. “I know this is hard Nick, but I really think it’s for the best.” And without another word, I turned and walked out his door for the last time…my heart breaking with every step that took me further away from him.

“Tris, don’t go,” I heard the same anguish in his voice that had been there the day I left. I looked up at him, my eyes filling with tears. “Please…don’t do this to me again.”

Suddenly, it was that terrible day all over again. “I’m sorry, Nick,” my eyes were brimming with tears. This couldn’t be happening…not again. “I have to go.” Before he could say anything else, I was walking out the door. I didn’t look back at him…I couldn’t. But I knew he was staring after me, and I could feel both of our hearts breaking again. I didn’t know if we were both as miserable as I felt right then or if it was just old memories coming back to haunt us, but I felt like I was making the second biggest mistake of my life. By some means, I managed to keep walking. Only when I was safely in my sister’s car and on my way home, did I let myself break down. Somehow my sister knew she didn’t need to say anything. Instead, she let me cry my tears and nurse the wound that had been ripped open again.