The Reason

“…And The Reason Is You…”

“I just don’t know how it happened.” AJ shook his head and reached for another pair of
sunglasses that rested in his glove compartment.

“Well, then I think we should have a talk, Alex…” Jenn remarked, smirking.

AJ let out an exasperated sigh as he stepped on the gas after waiting impatiently at a
red light. However, it was only a second or two until he smirked towards his sister. “You
are such a smart ass.” He patted her on the head. “I’ve taught you well.”

“The hell you did.” Jenn swatted his hand away. “Everything I know about being a smart
ass, I learned from Howie.”

AJ laughed into the Florida air out of his convertible. His passenger did as well. “Jenn, I
just don’t want you to get hurt if he acts strangely to the news. He’s not been himself
lately and…well…y’all aren’t always the most compliant people.”

“Believe me, J, if I had known this was going to happen, I wouldn’t have done it.” His
sister spoke plainly. But she wasn’t sure if she even believed herself. That was another
thing she learned from her brother. Lying.

~*~


“Where the hell is AJ at?” Brian asked, checking his watch. Plopping onto a couch in the
studio, he rubbed his eyes sleepily.

“Why so tired, Bri?” Nick smirked, sitting down at his friend’s feet. “I was the one who
couldn’t sleep with all that banging and screaming.”

Brian lowered his eyes towards Nick and smirked. “I can’t help it if I’m so good she can’t
contain her noise.”

“Um, yeah, I’m pretty sure that was YOU I heard screaming, Rok.” Howie sat down o­n
the edge of an end table, taking a sip of his water.

“Dude, that’s my cousin! Gross…” Kevin spoke now, scribbling notes down that he had
been plunking o­n the piano.

“Jealous.” The cousin remarked, sitting up a bit. “So, back to my question. Where the
hell is AJ?”

“Said something about going to get Jenn.” Nick answered finally, digging through the
ice cooler.

Kevin’s piano playing came to an abrupt stop as his head shot up. “Jenn? Jennifer
McLean?”

“No…no, Kev. Nicky meant Jennifer Aniston. Since, you know, she and AJ are related.”
Howie rolled his eyes and started reading through some business material.

“Why is she coming here?” The eldest Backstreet Boy pretended not to care. He
shouldn’t care. He didn’t care really about anything anymore. He only pretended so that
no one would suspect anything.

“Because AJ’s her brother?” Brian eyed Kevin. “You of all people, Kev, should know
everyone’s relationship to everyone.”

“Oh…” He put his head back down and continued to finger the piano keys. He had lost
interest though, in his new musical masterpiece. All his thoughts were stuck on Jenn…

God, she bothered him. And, damn, she had just been there 3 weeks ago. Kevin knew,
too, that she was smart enough to catch on. He got up from his bench and left the room
for a moment.

“Can you bitches not start without me?” AJ called in the studio, whipping off his
sunglasses with a cheerful tone underneath his smartass words.

“Of course not, J. How could we start without the master bitch?” Nick replied
nonchalantly.

AJ had just opened his mouth to release another quip when another voice sounded
behind him.

“NICK!!” It screamed. Usually when the blonde heard a scream like that, his first thought
was to run… or collapse. This was different though.

“Jenn!” He walked over to hug her. “I’m so glad you’re here. I feel like I’m stuck in
Mount Rushmore around here… all these old shits.”

“Hey..” She smiled. “That’s my brother you’re referring to.”

“He’s not an old shit yet.” Nick laughed. “Just an old bitch.” A pillow hit him square in
the face as a snore was sounded through the room.

“Aw, what happened to Brian?” Jenn asked, moving with concern towards her older
friend, who was curled up and sleeping o­n the couch.

“He was really constipated last night.” Nick answered, feigning a sympathetic face.

“Yeah…” AJ scratched his ear. “His constipation kept me up…”

Jenn raised her eyebrow towards AJ. “Hmm.. Well, come on Nick. We should have fun
with this one.”

Before long, Nick and Jenn had placed one of Brian’s hands on his crotch while the
other was placed atop his shirt, over his nipple. The older man stirred and, in doing so,
rubbed himself. A moan escaped his closed lips, causing laughter from AJ and Howie as
well.

“Oh, Bri… you’re such a sexy beast!” Jenn purred into his ear and then backed away to
laugh.

“Mmmm, baby…” He spoke in his sleep.

“OH GROSS!” The girl exclaimed, laughing into Nick’s chest as Brian opened his eyes
and took in the scene before him.

“Dude, Rok, you just hit on my baby sister.” AJ snarled. “And you’re being obscene.”

Brian looked down to observe his position and immediately, his cheeks were filled with
the brightest shade of red. He searched for a place to put his hands, stood up and
looking down, sat down again. “Maybe I should just…sit here..” He stated, crossing his
legs uncomfortably.

Four remarks were o­n the lips of his audience but Brian was saved by the entrance of
his cousin. Kevin’s eyes locked with Jenn’s almost automatically, causing him to
swallow hard. He forced a grin. “Hey…”

“Hey.” She responded simply. The laughter had calmed and everyone had taken to
doing their own thing now. “Kev, I…” She moved closer.

Kevin shook his head. “I…can’t talk right now.” He looked over her. “C’mon y’all.
Recording now…”

“Eh, no, Kev. Pizza’s almost here. We can wait for like, another hour.” Nick informed him,
setting down his 7-Up.

Defeated, the eldest member sat back down at his piano and pretended to ignore
everyone as he had been doing lately. They didn’t seem to care…

Jenn was about to approach him again when a woman came through the door with the
food. She turned to watch Nick slap AJ’s hand away from the breadsticks and Brian
trying to think nice, non dirty thoughts with Howie not helping him. Kevin didn’t move.
She had almost said something to him when the smell wafted from the box and into her
nostrils.

“Oh…” She stated simply, a look of disgust crossing her face.

“Hey Jenn…you want some?” Nick held up a large piece of greasy pizza. As a pepperoni
slid from the piece, so did a feeling of sickness into her stomach.

“Ew…” She breathed out before taking off out of the door.

Everyone watched her leave. AJ thought of going after her, but figured he would get
sent back and took another bite of his pizza.

Quietly, Kevin watched more intently than anyone. What the hell was wrong with her?
Well, it didn’t involve him, he supposed. Not much of anything involved him anymore.
He began working on his music again.

Totally unaware that Jenn’s sudden reason for leaving had everything in the world to do
with him. He was the reason.

Kevin fumbled around in the kitchenette of his hotel. Shakily, he filled a glass with ice and
water. With the other hand, he popped two pills into his mouth. He smiled bitterly as he realized
he wasn’t even sure what he had just taken.

It didn’t matter though really. It would give him a him a great feeling for a while and then knock
him out soon enough for him to be able to make it and function at work in the morning.

Kevin sipped more of the water, waiting for the drug’s effect. No one really cared if he made it to
the studio in the morning or not. It wasn’t like they needed his voice or anything. He only went so
they wouldn’t suspect anything and intervene with the comfort he had found. It wouldn’t be long
though, he guessed, before he wouldn’t care what anyone thought.

The man opened his bar to stare and contemplate taking advantage of it’s contents. He decided
against it though, worrying that the alcohol on top of the drugs would mess him up too badly.
Leaving the kitchen part of his suite, a sound through the cracked balcony door caught his
attention.

It was the sound of laughter. A laughter he knew so well. Nick…followed by Jenn…and the rest
of his band mates. He walked up to the glass screen, peering down to confirm what his ears had
heard. Sure enough, there was Nick with his girlfriend, Sara, Jenn, AJ, Howie, Brian, and some
other girl he remembered as AJ’s friend. AJ seemed to be running his mouth as usual and Brian
was standing behind him, mocking every movement. The others were laughing.

They had forgotten about Kevin. Sure, they had invited him out to dinner earlier… but none of
them even cared about where he was now. It had been that way for a couple of months, ever
since they had gotten back together. They still saw Kevin as their father. He didn’t want to be the
serious one anymore. He had tried so hard in recent interviews to become like them…joking and
being funny. But he couldn’t shake the image…

Tears started burning his piercing green eyes as he slammed the balcony door shut. He just
wanted to fit in somewhere…wanted to have someone to fit with him. Kevin had dreamed of a
family ever since he was growing up in Kentucky. But he just couldn’t seem to find anyone…he
just kept losing.

Angry at himself for letting this get to him, he roughly wiped the sadness from his eyes and
bounded back into the kitchen. He grabbed his bottle of pills and then headed for the bathroom.
There, he stripped down to his jeans and studied himself in the mirror. He still looked like Kevin
Richardson, the Backstreet father. As he stared into his own eyes though, even in the image of
the mirror, he found the hurt lying within.

“Damn it, Richardson, you fuckin’ crybaby!” His face became splotchy as he rubbed it with his
hands again. “Why aren’t these fucking pills working?” Kevin popped another one into his mouth
and then turned out the light in the bathroom, unable to face himself any longer.

~*~*~

Jenn sat quietly on Nick’s couch watching him play Solitaire while Sara pointed out cards for
him to move from over his shoulder. She smiled as Nick lost and shoved all of the cards off of the
table and stood to stretch, ignoring the fact that he had just lost to a bunch of cards.

“You okay, Jenn?” Sara smiled towards her, a concerned look crossing her face. They had just
met, but she seemed nice enough.

“Yeah, just a little bit tired. I’ll probably leave in a bit…” She replied with a yawn to emphasize
her words

“I’m going to the store to get some cigarettes and chips. Y’all need anything?” AJ wiped his
hands on his pants as he emerged from the bathroom.

Everyone shook their heads negatively except for Brian.

“ME!” Brian squeaked, poking his head out of the kitchenette door. “NEED a slurpee.”

“Don’t let him have anymore alcohol!” Nick laughed as Brian cursed his finger for getting caught
in his shoelace.

“Anyone else want a slurpee?” Brian asked, wide eyed, as AJ bent to grab his own shoes.

“You’d take them from us anyway, Bri.” Sara laughed, curling up beside Nick.

“You don’t want anything to drink, Jenn? You’ve been drinkin’ that nasty water all night.” Nick
furrowed his eyebrows towards her. Damn, he had noticed that she hadn’t drank anything.

She actually considered it, but after a warning glance from her brother, she only smiled and
shook her head. “Too late to start now.”

“Not on slurpees!”

“C’mon Rok.” AJ shook his head, patting his friend’s back towards the door.

“Well,” Nick sighed, watching the two leave, “Our entertainment’s gone. What do we do now?”

Suddenly, Jenn felt a bit awkward…and nauseas. “I…I think I may go. Very soon.” She shut her
eyes tight, a feeling of sickness invading her throat.

“Noooo…” Nick whined, throwing a small fit by tossing his limbs about, almost smacking Sara in
the face.

“Nick, really…” Jenn stood, rolling her eyes at his ever present whining. “I don’t feel too great.”

“Are you sure it’s not just that you’re bored? ‘Cos we can watch a movie or…” Nick stood to
move towards his friend who moved toward the door. As she moved in front of Nick to hug him
goodbye, a sudden strong whiff of his cologne made her gag.

The noise sent Nick flying back, tripping over a shoe behind him, and falling onto the couch,
where Sara fell onto the floor in a last ditch effort to save herself from being suffocated by her
boyfriend’s giant ass.

~*~*~

Jenn made it out eventually as Sara started working with her to distract Nick. It wasn’t that she
didn’t want to spend time with her friends, she just needed time to think. Or talk…

In a sudden change of mind, the woman switched directions. It was bothering her that she was
so close yet so far. As the days were carrying on, she felt more and more alone in this world.

Then, she was standing at Kevin’s door. Jenn knocked quietly and then a bit louder seeing as
she received no response the first few times. Her hand moved to the doorknob, twisting it gently
on the slight chance that it might be unlocked. To her great surprise, it was.

“Kevin?” She called into the darkness, peeking her head inside.

“What?” A deep voice answered, almost bitter.

“I, uh, I was just checkin’ on ya.” Jenn answered, becoming intimidated as was usual when she
was first speaking to the man.

“Too late.” Kevin answered in monotone. “I’m dead.”

“Haha Kev.” Jenn spoke with sarcasm. “Where are your damn lights?” She asked, searching for
the switch on the wall.

“On the ceiling, I guess.” He answered.

Just then, a brightness was cast about the room and Jenn bit her bottom lip at the scene before
her. Kevin was sprawled out, shirtless, on his couch, a glass of wine on the table. He turned his
head around to look at her. “Ah, you found me.”

His speech was becoming more and more slurred as he continued to talk. Jenn furrowed her
eyebrows and walked over to him. “Kevin…”

“Ha, you remember my name.”

“Of course I do, I…”

“It’s funny how you speak as if everyone remembers me.” Kevin’s eyes had a pink and glassy tint
to them as he turned his head to look at Jenn and then he returned his stare to the window. “You’
ll learn soon enough.”

“Kevin, I don’t understand.” Jenn narrowed her eyes as she sat down on the coffee table,
adjacent to the couch.

“You don’t now…but you will when you’re here a couple of days.” He rubbed his scruffy chin.
“But, soon, you’ll be just like them.”

“You…you’re not making sense.” She had almost forgotten what she had came there for when
the whiff of alcohol seemed to become too strong for her.

“Who cares…” He struggled to stand now.

“Look, Kev, we need to talk.” Jenn spoke up, wanting to get out, regretting ever coming.

“Mmm, you can talk.” He was stumbling away from her, finding things to clutch on to for stability
along his way. “I can’t promise that I will.”

“You always have something to say…” She muttered under her breath, standing and crossing her
arms.

“Hell, I can’t even promise that I’ll listen or remember any of it in the morning…” He continued,
leaning back against his bedroom doorway, a thoughtful look crossing his face.

Jenn threw her hands up, feigning laughter. “This is serious, Kevin. I…I can’t talk to you right
now.” She began to make her way towards the door.

“We could…” Kevin smoothly caught her in the crook of his arm around her waist and pulled her
against his bare chest. “…Talk in the morning.”

“Kevin…no…” She whispered with a shaky breath. “We can’t…can’t do…this.”

“Sure we can.” He whispered into her ear. The faint smell of wine in his warm breath did not
nauseate her this time. It intoxicated her.

His long fingers found their way through Jenn’s hair and then cradled the back of her head as he
placed kisses down her neck.

A delighted sigh flew from her lips. She and Kevin had always had a twisted sort of relationship.
They could make love as quickly and as easily as they could start a fight. No one really knew
about the love side, though, everyone would soon enough.

The thought made Jenn push away from her captor. “Kevin…” She whispered, catching her
breath and taking his face into her hands. “We can’t.” She emphasized the words before
dropping her hands and walking away.

“Jenn…I…we…woah.” She turned to see Kevin holding his head with one hand and the wall
with his other. His eyes weren’t focusing and his face contorted with a mask of pain.

“Kev…” Jenn rushed back into the room, taking his hand away from the wall and into her own.
“What did you do while we were gone?”

There was no response. She caught his eyes for a brief moment to see fear invading them. The
hand she held was becoming shaky and clammy. “Help me.” He whispered quietly, his knees
sinking to the floor.

“I’ll call the hospital, ok, Kev?” Jenn was moved to tears. This wasn’t happening. Not to him.

“No Jennifer…” He swallowed as she laid him down on the floor. “No one can know about this.
No one. Not even….AJ…” He was struggling with breath now.

“But Kevin…” She was crying. Kevin hid the pain that he felt over her crying.

“Just…just help me to the…bed…” He breathed, his mind clearing a bit.

Slowly, Jenn assisted him in getting into the bed. She made him sit up while she made down the
bed and then pulled his jeans off and tucked him in. “Are you okay?” She asked quietly. Scared.
She was so scared.

“I think.” He didn’t tell her that he still couldn’t really make out anything in the room. Or think
clearly. He had a struggle simply forming words.

Jenn ran her hand down his face and soon, he felt a damp cloth across his forehead. Why, he
wasn’t sure, he was so cold. “You’re sweating.” She seemed to answer his thoughts. He pulled
the blankets tighter to him.

“Don’t go, Jenn.” He whispered, closing his eyes. “I…I’m scared.”

For the first time in his life, Kevin Richardson had admitted being scared to a girl. A girl 8 years
younger than he.

“Scared of what, Kev?” She asked curiously. There seemed to be more to his reason.

“Scared of this.” He answered quietly. “Scared that…that they’re going to hate me even more.”

“Who, Kev? No one hates you.” Jenn found herself concerned about the way he kept talking like
this.

But he was already asleep.

Jenn stood and took the damp cloth to lay on the side of the bathroom sink. That’s when the
bottle of pills caught her eye. She opened it to find an array of multi colored tablets. Surely he
wasn’t…

She shut her eyes, the thought making her sick. Taking the bottle with her into the living room,
she threw them into her purse and made out the sofa bed.

“Oh god…”She whispered. The wine glass was still sitting on the table, half empty. She picked it
up and took it into the kitchen. That would explain it. He had drank on top of taking pills. A
lonely tear fell into the glass. Just one of the lonely tears that would match the hundreds that
Kevin had running down his face in his bed. Jenn could hear him crying as she stood there in the
dark kitchen and struggled with herself until it got the best of her.

“Oh, Kevin…” She downed the rest of the wine with slight regret and made her way back into his
bedroom.

There, Jenn crawled into the other side of his bed and took him into her arms. “Listen, Kev, I don’
t know what’s going on, but I don’t like seeing you like this.” Her own tears began to form again
as she felt Kevin’s hands start to cover his own face, hiding his raw emotion. “You don’t have to
hide Kevin. I love you.” She couldn’t believe the words had come out as easy as they did.

Slowly, his hands began to drop, his body relaxing. His arms wrapped around her as well, his
head pressed against her chest, soaking her with un-dried tears. It scared her how comfortable
she felt lying there. The girl laid there quietly, contemplating all of this until Kevin was sound
asleep. And then, against her own plans, Jenn found herself asleep beside him.

It would be almost morning before she woke, gathered her things, and kissing Kevin’s forehead,
left for her own room.

Jenn could still feel the warmth from the Californian sun as she entered the cool studio. The faint
sound of the smooth harmonies that welcomed her in brought a smile to her face.

Until Nick purposely hit a sour note.

“Oh…” Sara shrieked quietly, making a sour face to match the note. “I hope he meant to do that.”

“Knowing Nick, he’s hungry. Yeah, he meant to.” Jenn laughed, setting her shopping bags down
on the couch where Brian had been sleeping when she had arrived yesterday.

After a morning of shopping, the girls had come back to the studio to return AJ’s car to him and see
what trouble they could cause with the recording. Jenn and Sara both poked their faces in the
window of the recording booth.

Brian was first to notice them as he came up and made faces at them. Nick was second to find the
distraction and, pulling Brian back, began to make his own faces. When Nick began to lick the
window, Sara twisted the doorknob and pushed the door so that her boyfriend fell against a chair
and onto Howie’s lap, who sat in a chair beside the door.

“What the hell man…” Howie looked down. “Get off me!”

Jenn and Sara both entered laughing at Nick’s expense.

“Oh Howard, don’t act like you didn’t want me here.” Nick started batting his eyelashes towards his
older friend.

“Ohhhh… Howie and Sara are going to fight for Nickkkkkyyyy…” Brian called, sitting in front of the
controls beside Jenn.

“I pick Sara.” The blonde stood, sighing with exaggeration. “Sorry, D. I can’t take all your wolf
man hair.”

“Eh, she would’ve beat him anyway…” AJ entered, chewing on a piece of licorice and reading
over some lyrics.

“Is this pick on Howie day?”

“Every day that ends in y…”

“Then, I quit!”

“Aww, but who would wink at everyone and make them feel special?” Nick laughed, and then put
Sara in front of him to get away from the rising Latino. “You wouldn’t hurt someone your own size.”
The group laughed and Howie sat back down, secretly plotting his revenge for later.

“What’s the matter, Jenn?” Brian asked out of the blue when everyone had carried on with their
own conversations. “You’re unusually quiet.”

“Yeah…” She pushed a piece of hair behind her ear. “Nothing really. Probably just a…thing.”

“I have a thing. It doesn’t give me too much trouble.” He smiled, receiving one finally back from
her.

Jenn shook her head. “I’ll be okay. Soon.” She nodded as if to confirm her own statement.

“Well, if you want to talk…I’ll be around.” Brian offered, rubbing her back gently. It was soothing.
Like Kevin’s touch.

“It must run in the family.” She murmured, dropping her head to look at her feet.

“Hmm?” He asked.

“Um…nothing…” Jenn was grateful to see her brother approaching.

“Hey Rok, do you think Kev’s alright?” AJ held a concern in his eyes that Jenn knew so well.

“I think.” Brian bit his lip. His cousin did seem a bit unfocused and groggy today. “Just tired, I
guess.” He shrugged.

“How unlike him.” AJ murmured, walking over to the fruit bowl.

Jenn tried not to show how tense she had become by the subject at hand. She had only at this,
though, taken Kevin’s absence in the room into account.

“Dude! Get your hands off of my sister!” AJ’s attention had been randomly stolen by Brian’s hand
that still rested on Jenn’s back.

Brian only smirked and squeezed her tighter against him. Jenn then played along though, kissing
Brian, just missing his lips.

AJ playfully slapped Brian’s hand away. “Quit it man! I know where you sleep.” He then gave a
warning glance to his sister, nodding his head back towards the glass of the recording booth.

Turning her head to inconspicuously take in the scene behind her, Jenn watched Kevin quickly
bow his head down over the keys of the piano that he had hid behind. Her heart shivered…

~*~

Kevin had been watching everything. Their laughter…their antics…it was nothing new to be left
out of. What had bothered him though, came from his cousin. A deep feeling of envy rose in Kevin’
s chest as he saw Brian touch Jenn. Touch her like he wanted to…with such playful innocence.

And then she kissed him. Kevin’s heart had never felt so explosive.

Every emotion within him now poured out of his fingertips and into the form of music. A sad,
rhythmic melody that had no words yet but, in his mind, told a story of things so unattainable.
Things such as true happiness, peace of mind…

Her.

“What’re you doing all alone in here?” Jenn stood at the studio door, closing it gently behind her.

Kevin avoided her eyes. “Writing.”

“Oh?” She fingered the top of the shiny black piano.

He only nodded in response. He didn’t want to talk. She knew too much already.

“Why, Kev?” Jenn finally asked.

“Why what?”

“You know exactly what I mean.”

Kevin swallowed and fought back with words of his own. “Why did you leave?”

Jenn was taken aback by the question. She watched silently as Kevin stopped his playing and
searched her face for a legitimate answer. She found herself looking away, hiding from the way he
read her.

“I…”

“Lunch break, y’all!” Brian called into the cracked door. Kevin twitched at the sound of his cousin’s
voice. He then stood and bitterly brushed past Jenn, gathering a few papers.

“Told you. You’ll be just like them.” He spoke, making his way to the others.

“Where’s everyone going to eat?” AJ asked, clanking his keys in his hand.

“I’ll go with you, I guess.” Howie grabbed his water and walked out to AJ’s car without waiting for
a response.

“Me too, Bone.” Brian followed Howie out.

“Which one of you other fry snatchers is going with me?” The tattooed man inquired, watching the
first two climb into his car.

“We’ll probably go somewhere else.” Nick answered, throwing his arms around Sara and Jenn,
almost knocking them both over.

“I think I’ll go back to my room. Got to make a few phone calls. Haven’t talked to mom in a while.”
Kevin sighed, running a hand down his tired face.

“Okie dokie.” AJ nodded, also leaving to his car and zipping out of the parking lot.

“Did he just say okie dokie?” Nick asked, watching him go.

“I think so. Who’d he sleep with last night?” Sara smiled, sitting down in a vacant chair.

“EW! That’s my brother!” Jenn shrieked.

“You’re right, he is your brother.” The blonde nodded. “He probably just played with himself.”

Jenn playfully kicked Nick’s leg with a look of disgust o­n her face as they both laughed. “Ok, now
that my appetite’s gone…”

“..We can go eat.” The youngest smiled.

“Well, I’m leaving. I’ll see y’all later.” Without looking at anyone, Kevin made his way out into the
sunlit day. He needed something to hold him over. To numb him.

Jenn watched as he walked away with such ease. As if nothing had happened.

“It’s just us then. Where you guys wanna go?” Nick pulled out his own keys and twirled them.

“To bed.” Sara leaned her head back and closed her eyes.

Nick let out a low laugh. “I know baby, but, it’s kind of early…”

“Not with you moron.”

“I’m hurt.” He whimpered, sitting down beside his girlfriend and resting his head on her shoulder.
“I’m not a big sexy moron?”

“Oh God, Nick…” Jenn yelled. “You are such a weenie.”

“I prefer to be a weiner.” Nick corrected. “Weenie is a name for someone like Brian.”

“Now, I’m REALLY not hungry!”

Sara laughed before closing her eyes again. “I think I’m going to go back to the hotel and take a
nap. I’m really tired.”

“Oh…well…okay.” Nick looked at Sara and then to Jenn. “Just you and me then.”

“And probably 40 photographers.” Jenn sighed, grabbing her purse and bags and following Nick
and Sara out into the parking lot.

Suddenly, she had a fear about being alone with him. She knew he’d find out…

~*~*~*~*~

“I will have the 16 ounce steak…a baked potato, loaded…side salad…and rolls. We get rolls,
right?” The man asked, obviously amused with the waitress who worried so much about getting
Nick Carter’s order wrong.

“And you?” The blond waitress now turned to Jenn, who still stared wide eyed at Nick.

“Are you going to eat all of that?”

“You can have a roll.” He smirked.

Jenn rolled her eyes and smiled. “I just have a salad…and water.” She handed her menu to the
waitress and met the stunned look of her friend. “What?”

“Were you done ordering?” Nick asked, raising his eyebrows.

“Um, yes?” Jenn laughed, trying to brush off the situation.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been acting different ever since you got here.”

“I’m fine, Nick!” Jenn had an almost irritated tone. “Really…”

“But..” He kept insisting.


She let out a tired sigh and shut her eyes tight, signaling to him that she had had enough of his
badgering.

“Okay.” Nick let up. Maybe after a few hours together she’d feel more comfortable with whatever it
was. He was sure it was something…

~*~*~*~

Sara was almost asleep when a knock sounded at her door. When it became louder and more
insistent, she reluctantly dragged herself from Nick’s bed and to the sound.

“I hate you, Richardson.” She rasped, rubbing her eyes and swinging open the door, leaving her
uninvited guest to follow her.

“It’s not my fault you don’t get any sleep because you’re dating the horny one.” Kevin grinned,
sitting down in a chair as Sara took a place on the couch.

“Haha. At least I’m getting some.” She carelessly flipped through the channels, blinking to stay
awake. “What do you want anyway? I know you didn’t come here to compare sex lives. You hate
losing.”

“I need help.” His eyes lowered, taking interest in the table.

Sara turned the TV off, giving him her full attention now. “I’m so glad you want help now, Kev. I
can call-”

"Help getting more pills, Sara. I need more." His dull green eyes stared straight through her.

"Kevin, we've had this discussion," She sighed. "I'm clean now. So are Nick and AJ. I can't help
you with that anymore."

"I know you know people that can help me." He spoke.

"No Kevin." Sara shook her head. "They're hurting you."

"Look who's talking.." He rolled his eyes

"I really think you should just tell everyone, Kev. Let us help you." She took his hands.
Kevin stared at her and then laughed.

"Yeah…I should tell them that its their fault and they should all be better people." He spoke bitterly.
"That’s why they act like they do now."

Kevin put his head into his hands. He was beginning to get so confused...and a deep sadness was
setting in.

"Damn you, Sara. It‘s not that easy for me." He got up and walked towards her. "I don’t need your
fucking help or your goody two shoes advice!"

~*~*~

Jenn sat, smiling quietly, as she watched Nick eat everything on his two plates. “Do they not feed
you very often?”

“Not really.” He laughed, wiping is mouth and picking up the bill. Nick licked his lips and watched
Jenn out of the top of his eyes. He had yet to figure out what she was hiding.

The woman went to take her cell phone out of her purse, checking for any missed calls. only then
did she notice something missing. The bottle of pills that she had taken from Kevin’s bathroom the
night before were gone. Instantly, Jenn knew that he had found them and taken them back without
her noticing.

“What’s wrong?” Nick’s voice shook her out of her thoughts.

She shook her head. “Kevin..”

“You know, you’ve been hanging around Kevin lately without arguing with him. What gives?” The
blonde inquired with interest. Surely she wasn’t hiding anything with him.

“I don’t know. We just…”

“You’re not doing drugs, are you?”

“NO!” Jenn exclaimed, shocked that Nick would even think that of her after all that had happened
with AJ. Then she realized something else. “How do you know about that?”

The man opened his mouth and then shut it again. “He used to do them with Sara. She’s clean
now, though and…Kevin had to stop because his supply was cut.” Nick was obviously bothered by
the thought of his big brother taking drugs.

“Oh.” Jenn decided not to volunteer any of her information. She didn’t need Kevin mad at her right
now. Maybe she could help him on her own.

“And I thought maybe that’s why you’ve been so quiet and…” Nick looked down, feeling stupid for
suggesting it. “I’m sorry.”

They stared at each other for a second, before Jenn smiled and began to laugh. “Aw, Nick, you’re
so cute when you’re concerned.”

“Well, what the hell is it, Jenn? I’ve been worrying…”

“Nick…”

“I mean, you don’t drink, you don’t eat, you’re too damn quiet…”

“Nick, it does have to do with Kevin.”

The man picked up his bottle of beer, taking a sip and raising his eyebrows, waiting for an answer.

“I’m pregnant. It’s Kevin’s.”

That was all it took for Nick’s drink to come flying back out of his mouth. “You’re WHAT with
WHO?!”

“I really can’t believe Alex hasn’t opened his mouth about it…”

“Kevin….Richardson? The piano player? Brian’s cousin?” Nick was still in shock.

“Yes, Nick.” Jenn was almost in tears now. This was going to be so hard to tell Kevin now. She had
halfway talked herself out of it. “I’m fucking pregnant with fucking Kevin’s baby!”

Silence followed.

~*~*~*~

“You don’t understand, Sara. I need it now. I don’t just want it…” Kevin, in tears now, was still
trying to convince her to give him the names of safe dealers.

“You don’t need it, Kevin. You’re depending on it.” Sara moved closer and bit her lip. “Please,
Kev, let’s just get it out in the open and get you help.”

Kevin felt a sudden rush of anger through his body. He wasn’t sure where it came from. He was
angry with Sara, angry that no one understood.

Angriest at himself for letting things spin so out of his control. Taking it out on the person nearest to
him seemed easier though. He had too much of beating himself up.

It wasn’t the first time he had done it to her. It was the first time she had been scared of giving in
though. She knew exactly what was coming by that dazed look in his eyes. He didn't want to feel
guilt, he just wanted what he came for.

“Listen, Sara,” He stood, towering over the girl, “I’ve tried to be nice about this.”
“Kev, please, don’t do this…” She stood up in front of him, looking for a way out.

“You should’ve given me what I wanted in the first place…” Kevin pushed her back onto the couch.

“I’m trying to help you…” She spoke desperately as his fingers seemed to be digging in her wrist.

“But you’re not giving me the help that I want, Sara. Don’t you see that?”

Sara shrieked as he pushed her down, her head hitting the armrest, Kevin straddling her. “I’ll get
something I want then…” Kevin knew it was a surefire way for her to give in. She loved Nick, she
wouldn’t think of cheating on him like this.

“No…Kevin…” Sara stretched her neck up to move her face away from his.

“Give me their names, baby.” He whispered into her ear, running his hands up her sides.

Sara shivered but remained silent. Her lips pressed tighter together. She knew he wouldn’t go all
the way. If she could just hold out…

“C’mon,” Kevin breathed onto her neck. “Or I could just let it slip to Nick about our night a while
back…”

“NO!” Sara sat up only to be pushed back down, this time hitting her shoulder blades on the couch
arm. “You wouldn’t…”

“Why wouldn’t I? He doesn’t care anything about me anyways…”

“Y-yes he does, Kevin. He thinks the w-world of you.” The girl stuttered for any sense into him.

“Bullshit.”

Sara wasn’t sure if she could trust this drugged Kevin. He usually gave up by now. If Nick found out
about that night with Kevin…or even walked in now… She couldn’t lose him.

It was Kevin fumbling with the buttons of her blouse that scared her into giving in.

“His name is Mike Dunaway…” Sara started, struggling for breath. Her voice was shaking as she
told Kevin everything he wanted to know. After Kevin got this information, he thanked Sara politely
and made his way out.

Sara pulled her knees to her chest and watched him shut the door, leaving her safely inside. Tears
stung her eyes as an intense guilt tugged at her.

She prayed out loud to the silence of the room that someone would take care of Kevin. He didn’t
have a clue in hell as to what he was doing to himself.

And, if he ended up in danger, she knew she’d never forgive herself.

No one has seen Kevin all morning. They had gone back to their own California homes
now, a week after Jenn had been there. Today, the group was expected to be gathered at
the venue for a charity concert at noon to run through things.

At one o’clock, there was still no word from the eldest member of the band. A slight,
unspoken worry hung in the air as it was out of character for Kevin to be late. For a
reason unbeknownst to her, Jenn volunteered to go find him.

Receiving questioning glances from both AJ and Nick, she only shrugged and grabbed
the keys to her brother’s car. "I’ll be back with Mr.Richardson."

It was 1:30 before Jenn reached the gate to Kevin’s house and another ten minutes
before she remembered the code. She shut off the ignition and stared up at the house
from inside the car, sucking in a deep breath. Now that she was here, she had regretted
being the one to come. Jenn was almost positive of the reasons that Kevin was late and,
at the time, she thought it better for the Boys not to find out this way. But now, she wasn’t
sure if she could handle this by herself.

The woman rang the doorbell twice before finding Kevin’s key on AJ’s key ring. Her
hands, trembling, stuck the key into the hole and hesitantly pushed forward.

The sight that welcomed her was not at all like something that would be owned by Kevin
Richardson. It did not smell of clean air like it had in the past. Glasses sat around every
room, pillows and blankets tossed about from makeshift beds for nights when he was too
tired to climb the stairs. Jenn bit her lip, finding two joints on the end table and a baggie,
with one pill left.

And still no Kevin.

With more of a shake about her now, the woman made her way up the stairs, hoping to
God that she’d find Kevin there. Sure enough, as soon as she opened his bedroom door,
her nostrils were filled with the unwelcome scent of alcohol and pot. There, in the middle
of it all, clad in boxers, was what she had been looking for.

Jenn swallowed, taking in the vision of Kevin’s body slowly. He was so much thinner than
he had been just days ago and, even then, he hadn’t been as toned as he had once been.

"Kevin…" She whispered, nearing him. Jenn’s heart jumped when she saw how white his
face was, such a contrast to the black of his sheets. His lips were shut together tightly and
his hands were curled in fists against his chest as if he were cold. Jenn was concerned to
find that, as she placed her hand on his back, his skin was coated in sweat.



"Kev, c’mon, wake up baby…" Her voice was low and deep with worry now as her mind
raced with a thousand things she should be doing for him. Kevin didn’t even flinch. "Oh
God, what’s happening to you?"

Quivering, Jenn stood to walk to the adjoining bathroom. She found a washcloth in Kevin’
s closet and began to wet it underneath the faucet when her phone rang.

"Hello?" She tried to her best to sound calm.

However, the voice on the other end was not doing the same. "Where the hell are you and
Kevin? If you’re doing what I think you’re -"

"Alex, shut up! Kevin…he’s….really sick. I think."

"You think? What do you mean you think?" He blew out smoke from his 3rd cigarette in
the hour.

"I mean, I know. Damn it! Just hold your damn horses! Kevin’s not there to take control
and you guys all freak the fuck out! He’s allowed to be sick every now and then!" Jenn
almost screamed through the line, anger filling her. Maybe she understood Kevin in that
moment. He had too much responsibility and not enough love. Tears began to sting her
eyes.

"Since when do you take up for him, Jenn?" AJ asked, almost laughing.

Then she hung up on him.

Jenn was in the midst of calling Nick to explain to him that she was trying her hardest to
get Kevin where he needed to be when she heard it. It was an odd sound, one that she
couldn’t quite place. It wasn’t even really a human sound. Maybe it was his dog, she
thought to herself, turning off the faucet. Walking back inside the room, though, proved
her wrong.

Kevin was now face down in his pillow, vomit leaking out of his still closed mouth, his
eyes still shut. Suddenly, his body began to shake, struggling for breath. After a moment
of shock, Jenn realized he was choking. His lips were beginning to turn blue…

Oh my God, the woman thought as she dropped the cloth onto his bed and grabbed him,
he’s going to die right here in front of me.

That’s certainly what it looked like. Even as Jenn got a hold of him and sat him up, Kevin
wouldn’t quit choking. His eyes were open now, though, and they were wide with fear. She
was the only one that could help him and he knew it. He was begging her. For some
reason, he couldn’t get his brain to allow him to breathe correctly.

Jenn leaned him over a trashcan, hoping he would get the message to open his mouth
and let it out. She breathed a sigh of relief when he did as she hoped. Kevin gasped for
oxygen for a moment or two afterwards and then fell back again.

"Oh no…" Jenn breathed. "Come on, you’re supposed to be with the other Boys right
now. I’m not leaving you here a hung over and stinky mess."

But he wasn’t hung over. He hadn’t even drank last night. If she only knew…if he could
only tell her how his mind wasn’t even focusing…That he couldn’t even form any words
with his lips…

"Get up." The reason for her pushiness came from her deep rooted fear. Inside of her,
there was a new life growing, life that they would share. He didn’t even know about it and,
if he couldn’t take care of himself, should he even get to know about it? It scared her, the
condition he was in…and the way she still felt about him.

Finally, she wasn’t sure how, but Jenn got Kevin into the bathroom and into the tub. She
didn’t bother to remove his one article of clothing, seeing as he still shivered, and the let
the warm water submerse his body. His eyes blinked slowly now. Jenn hoped it was a sign
of his return to reality.

Jenn sighed shakily as she wiped away the vomit from Kevin’s face and chest. It was like
taking care of a child. Her emotions began to stir within her and, dropping the cloth into
the water and hoping he would get the hint to finish, Jenn traveled back into the
bedroom.

Opening Kevin’s closet, she felt the hot tears once more as she realized all of these
clothes seemed far too big for the broken man. She would finally decide on an old
Kentucky shirt and khaki shorts. Pulling a new pair of boxers out of his drawer as well, she
headed back for the bathroom.

"KEVIN!" The woman shrieked as she sat his clothes down on the sink. Kevin had begun
to sink into the water, his washcloth in hand. "Well, you tried…"

Jenn lifted a soggy Kevin out of the tub and put him on the towel on the floor so that he
could sit up against the bathtub. "Please talk to me, Kevin."

What she got in response was not what she had expected at all. Kevin’s chin quivered for
a moment before he bit his bottom lip and tears started to fall. "I’m such a fuckin’ loser.
I…I’m sorry."

Jenn stopped drying him off and met his eyes with her own. In them, she saw the fear
dying and a lost look beneath. He needed someone to be for him. But she wasn’t sure if
she could be THAT one… "You need to lay off what you’re doing, Kevin."



"I don’t know if I can." He shook his head and looked down. "I don’t mean to do it in the
first place." His mind began to race with all sorts of things, making it hard for him to keep
focus.

"Then, let’s get you help, Kev. You’re strong. You can fight this…" She brought her hand
to his face, caressing his cheek. He turned away.

"I have to help myself. Alone. They…they’ll hate me if they know…" Kevin spoke in a
dreamlike state, as if he were talking to himself.

"Nobody is going to hate you, Kevin!" Jenn swallowed, lifting his chin. "Nobody hates
Alex."

"I told him I hated him…" The man whispered, as if remembering that day. "And I…I don’t
want him to…hate me…"

"He won’t, Kev." Jenn ran a hand through his wet hair. "If you get help now."

His green eyes looked up again, greener than they had been before. "W-would you help
me?"

The girl stopped again and read his face. There was something so special about him that
she couldn’t lose, as much as she hated him sometimes. "I will, Kevin." She nodded and
smiled. "Let’s get you dressed and to the venue and then we’ll talk about this tonight."

Kevin nodded and lifted his hips to change his boxers and pull on his pants. Jenn pulled
his shirt down over his head and grabbed a Kentucky hat to match. "The venue will be
crazy by now. You were supposed to be there like two hours ago."

"Not like I sing anyway…" He mumbled, walking down the stairs behind her. He didn’t warn
her that he still felt waves of nausea.

Jenn shot a disapproving glance towards him as she sat down into the driver’s seat.
"Kevin.."

He threw his hands up. "Just stating facts."

Jenn only turned up the radio in response. Biting her lip, she wondered if she could help
him find his way back. She wondered if she could love him like she used to. Like no one
had ever known about.

She wondered if she would ever find the right way to tell him that he would soon be a
father. Maybe…

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Jenn and Sara watched from the side of the stage as the Boys performed to a sold out
crowd. No one could say that their age had taken away their energy, they still possessed
an amazing stage presence that made girls crazy. Hell, it had even gotten to the people
backstage, for they were just as wild as the audience.

Although AJ’s sister had been just as enthusiastic about the performance as the rest, she
still focused intently on Kevin. No one would know that just hours ago, he had been child-
like, choking on his own regurgitations. No, nobody would even suspect that the man who
was dancing around like a moron, had a problem. A big problem.

But she was going to help him. Even though Jenn and Kevin hadn’t gotten along too well
in the past, except for a few occasions, there was some strange bond between them. And
she worried deeply for him. He was letting go of reality so quickly…too quickly…

"Thank you Los Angeles! We had a wonderful…wonderful time tonight! God Bless and We’
ll see y’all soon!" AJ blew a kiss to the audience as the others followed with similar
messages and they took a final bow.

Jenn felt an anxiousness about her now as the Boys ran off of the stage. What WOULD she
say to Kevin? How would she get around to telling him about this baby?

She watched and smiled as the group joked around in masses backstage, some of them
watching the next performance from the side, others simply sitting around and chatting,
waiting for their vans. Jenn felt a tinge on anger run through her veins as she watched
Kevin inconspicuously lift a beer out of the cooler while talking to a stage crew person.

He casually drank it until the bottle was empty and then reached for another before
heading back to his dressing room.

~*~*~*~

"What in the HELL, Kevin?!" Jenn screamed. She had followed him into his dressing room
shortly after he had left the main room. She had only wanted to help him. Instead, she
found Kevin with a bottle of vodka now, shaking a bag of cocaine, seeming to contemplate
the idea. "THE HELL YOU WANTED MY HELP!"

In a fit of rage, she reached for the half empty bottle and flung it across the room, sending
it to shatter against the opposite wall. Jenn had her hand on the doorknob when she
turned back around. "You’re right Kevin, they would hate you if they knew what you were
doing. You’ve ruined it for yourself because you’re worthless. You won’t get help and you
fuckin’ lie to everyone around you…"

Kevin had gone from tears to sobs and as much as Jenn didn’t want to hurt him, she
couldn’t stop. This wasn’t the man that she had left a few weeks ago. This was a pitiful
excuse for a man. A broken boy. A man that had hurt her. Hurt himself. Tears from her eyes
started to match his own. "Is this what you wanted, Kevin?!" She cried in a low whisper.
"Did you WANT everyone to hate you so that you’d be right?" She sniffed and looked
around. "You’re doing a damn good job. I’ll see you around."

With that, Jennifer Mclean left the room, brushing past her brother and Nick who tried to
get her attention, and didn’t stop until she reached AJ’s car. Unfortunately, AJ was hot on
her heels.

"What the hell happened in there?" He inquired, more concerned than upset.

Jenn smiled bitterly and shook her head. "Honestly? I don’t know…"

"What do you mean…"

"You don’t want to know, Alex." She put her hand against his chest and shook her head. "I
shouldn’t have come. I don’t want to know what I know now."

"Did you tell him?" AJ asked, his eyebrows furrowing together.

"I wish that was my problem." Jenn bit her lip and looked off into the sun. "I’m leaving…"

"You can’t leave! You’ve just been here a week!" The man tried to figure out just what had
happened in that room.

"I’m leaving, Alex." Her voice had a firmer tone to it this time, as if to confirm her
statement. "I’ll call you…sometime before the baby’s born."

"But…"

"You can get a ride from Nick, right? Tell him I love him and…to call me soon." With that,
Jenn kissed her brother on the cheek and got into the car.

She would cry all the way back to AJ’s house and the whole time she was packing. Jenn
decided she would return home in Florida for a while and then move somewhere else.
Somewhere where no one would find her or her child. If she kept the child…

Jenn laid down on the bed once more, thinking about things before it was time to catch
the flight that she had just booked. There, she gave in to a restless sleep.

It was a ringing phone that would wake her at 3 AM that would shake her world forever.

"Damn you, Alexander!" Jenn cursed her phone, seeing the ID and reaching for it off of the
nightstand. Still groggy from sleep, she didn’t realize that she was supposed to be gone by
now. "What?!" She rasped into the phone.

"Jenn? Please tell me you’re still in LA…" AJ’s voice had an underlying urgency about it.
She could tell he was smoking.

"Yeah, moron. I’m still in your house." She blinked her eyes open wider, trying to get out of
the sleep. She didn’t even really care that she WAS still there right now. "Did you not come
home? What’s going on?"

"Kevin…"

With that one word, Jenn’s heart stopped beating for a moment. "What…what happened to
him?"

"I don’t know, exactly. You were the last one to see him. We were hoping you might know
something. Just…get in my car and get your ass down to Kevin’s house…" AJ’s words were
rushing together now, his nerves evident in his tone. He was scared for his older brother.
He had been there…

Jenn shut her phone, tears pouring down her already stained cheeks. Without thinking of
anything but Kevin, she grabbed the keys to her brother’s car and ran out the door.

Nobody said it was easy
Oh it's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be so hard

I'm going back to the start

She arrived at Kevin’s LA condo in a matter of minutes when, on a normal day, it took at
least a half hour. Jenn was literally running to the front door. On the steps, she met her
brother, who bounced his leg and smoked one cigarette after the other.

"Alex, chill." She licked her lips. "What happened? Where are the others?"

"They won’t call the fucking hospital! They won’t call and get him fucking help!" AJ’s voice
was solid and raspy but she could see the tears in his big brown eyes.

"WHAT THE HELL…" She swallowed. It had gone too far with Kevin. He was dying and it was
her fault for not telling anyone…

Her tone eased though, when AJ began to release his tears full force. The man that had
knocked down his door to get him to rehab, had cared so damn much, was laying in a bed,
out cold because of drugs. And AJ hadn’t even picked up on it. He should’ve been there…

AJ shivered against his sister’s embrace. "I-I should’ve k-known." He sniffed. "I-Is this why
y-you were running a-away?"

"I was scared, Alex." A lump in her throat made the voice sound strange, so unlike her own.

"Maybe we should go inside…"

The siblings stepped inside of the front door and a new scene welcomed Jenn. An even
sadder one, if that was possible. Nick was leaned forward on the couch with his elbows on
his knees and his head in his hands. When he looked up to see Jenn come in, he made no
motion to welcome her inside, he simply put his splotchy face back into the palms of his
hands. Sara sat in a wooden chair, curled up and concentrating on the landscape outside
of the window. Her body shook with quiet sobs, visible but barely audible. Howie was the
only one to move towards the two as AJ stepped down and sat down on the couch
opposite Nick.

"Hey…" Howie hugged Jenn tightly, not exactly sure yet why she was here. She and Kevin
had never really gotten along in the past. But as long as she was here…

"What…exactly happened, Howie?" She whispered, almost frightened by the solemn air
that hung thickly in the living room. The man took her arm and led her into the kitchen, out
of earshot of the others.

"Okay," Howie took a deep breath in and leaned against the counter. "Nick found out last
night that Kevin had hurt Sara a few days ago so that she’d give him the names of some
safe drug dealers…"

"Sara? How would she know?"

"She used to do drugs a while back. AJ met her at an AA meeting and she and Nick hooked
up somehow but…um, yeah. So, when Nick came over, he found Kevin in bed. His lips were
blue and he was shaking, almost seizure like, I guess. So, Nicky freaked out and called me
since I was closest. We couldn’t get Kevin to wake up and he would randomly quit
breathing…" The Latino’s voice squeaked a little, his emotions coming into play, seeming
to remember the whole thing.

"You don’t have to go into detail, Howie. It’s ok…" Jenn rubbed his back as he stuck his
fingers into eyes, trying to stop the tears.

"He’s only been awake twice. And…not for very long…but he seems mad that we’re here.
We have to do something though, Jenn. He’s going to die if we don’t." He stopped trying to
hide the tears now and ran his hand over his face, averting his eyes in another direction.

"I know, D." Jenn bit her own lip and embraced Howie again.

"So, Nick is in…shock. Sara thinks it’s all her fault and AJ…AJ can’t take this." Howie sighed
and shivered a bit. "Brian’s with Kevin right now, watching him. I don’t think he’s handling
it very well."

"Well, I’m going in there now…" Jenn decided, speaking out loud as if to convince herself.

"Are...you sure?" Howie sniffed and looked up at her, knowing there was something more
between she and Kevin than what they had let on.

Jenn nodded. She could manage no more words. She just knew that she had to be with
Kevin. For some reason…she couldn’t let go.

~*~*~

"Hey Bri…" Jenn whispered, opening the door to Kevin’s room and stepping in.

Brian jumped visibly at the sound of a new voice. He was so lost within himself that he
hadn’t noticed anything in the room except his cousin. His cousin that laid in the bed, so
void of life, so void of anything that resembled the honorable Kevin Richardson that he
had grown up with. The one that had taken care of him.

"Oh...ah…hey." He forced a small grin and stood to hug his guest.

"You can get out of here for a little while." Jenn sniffed. " I can take care of him."

"You sure?"

She took in Brian’s appearance. He was wearing the same clothes she had seen him in
when she left last night. His eyes were rimmed with red and his hair stuck up in several
different directions. His hands trembled against her back as did the rest of his body.
"Yeah, Rok. You okay?"

Brian shook his head negatively, not even trying to hold back his tears in the dark of the
room. "I don’t know…I don’t know why he did this, Jenn." He gasped for air and bit his lip. "I
love him. I really do…I …I just wished I had told him more. Let him know that I care."

"Come on, Bri. Go get some air." Jenn led him to the door. She didn’t want to tell him that
him telling Kevin everything that he had just said could’ve made all the difference in the
world.

"If he wakes up, let me know…" Brian whispered before leaving out into the main room
again.

When left alone, Jenn leaned against the door. The light from the bathroom leaked in just
enough for her to make out Kevin’s form from where she stood. He still had a bit of a
quiver about him, his hands resting peacefully beside his body. This definitely, though, was
not the Kevin that had been so crowd pleasing on the stage not even 12 hours earlier. This
Kevin was, indeed, lifeless. He was so weak looking, his naked chest revealing the outline
of his ribs now. His stomach sunk in a bit more, as did his cheeks. To anyone else, he
would’ve looked just fine, maybe a bit thinner but, to the ones in this house, he wasn’t at
all the same.

"I’m sorry about earlier, Kevin." Jenn started, taking Brian’s place in a chair by the bed. "I’
m sorry that I left you. I guess you were right, I did turn into them." She stopped, more tears
beginning to fall. "But I left because you fucking hurt me, Kevin! You lied to me…you
played games with me and I couldn’t take it anymore. I wanted so badly to help you.
And…and I just backed down. I guess we’re both to blame, huh?"

Jenn looked around a bit before reaching to take his clammy hand into her own. "But I don’
t want an apology from you, Kev. I..I just want you to wake up and get better. I miss you. So
does everyone else. It’s been…so long since we’ve seen you. It’s been so long since you’
ve been…you. How do you keep up this game, sweetheart? There are so many people that
love you. How can you not see that? How can you decide to keep running like you do? Don’
t you want to come back, Kevin? Don’t you miss us too?"

She stopped and blew out excess air, seeing a lonely tear fall from beneath the man’s
closed eyes. "I know you can hear me. We need you back here, baby. We won’t question
you, but I promise to help you more this time. Howie needs help keeping everyone in line.
Nick and Brian need you to look up to. They think the world of you, Kevin. Don’t take that
away from them. And Alex, God, Alex needs you more now than ever. You can’t do this to
him. You’re doing exactly to him what you almost killed him for you. I..I wouldn’t blame him if
he hated you." Jenn shook her head and sobbed out. "But he doesn’t, Kevin. We’re all…so
worried. Kev, I…I need you."

Kevin’s hand squeezed hers tighter. "J-Jenn…"

His voice was quiet and deep. He tried to clear his lungs but made a pained face when he
did so.

"I’m right here, Kev?" She held his one hand with both of hers. "Right here."

"I…I know. I hear…you." Kevin licked his lips and swallowed again. "The drugs…"

"Kevin, were you not listening to ANYTHING?" Jenn shrieked, letting go of his hand.

"No…no, listen…" He tried to sit up but slid back down. His eyes opened in small slits, but
blinked slowly. "Everything…all the drugs…they’re in…the bottom drawer." Kevin closed
his eyelids and gestured towards his nightstand.

Jenn bent to open the drawer and gasped at the contents. If any authority were to ever
search Kevin’s bedroom, he’d be in serious trouble.

"Throw…throw it all away." Kevin’s eyes opened more this time, an intense green shining
from them.

Jenn grinned and reached a hand to rest on the side of Kevin’s face. "Thank you."

He managed a small, seemingly proud smile for her before she took the bag of various pills
and powders and made her way into the bathroom.

Jenn cried as she emptied the contents of the bag and realized it was too much to even be
flushed all at once. Half of the stuff, she had never even seen before, not even from AJ.
Her mind flashed back to doing this same thing for her own brother just a few years ago…

And he didn’t quit. He quit for maybe a week. Suddenly, a hollowing feeling filled her
stomach. She kept flushing the drugs though, angrier and angrier with the fact that Kevin
may be making her do this just to satisfy her for a while. For all he knew, she’d be going
back to Florida next week…

Kevin cringed in the bed as he listened to the first flush, his most prized possessions
flowing down into a sewer, where he could never have them again. And something inside
of him snapped…

"Kev? What’re you doing?!" Jenn turned at the sound behind her. She found the man
opening the bottles, some of which were already empty, and shaking them for any
remaining contents.

"I need more." His voice was frantic and shaky. "I need the drugs. They help me…"

"They don’t help you, Kevin!" Jenn grabbed his hands, trying to pull his fingers open to
take away the tiny pills. His fist was wrapped too tightly around them though. "LET GO! You
NEED help from yourself!" She was almost screaming now. Finally, she managed to jerk so
hard that his hand opened and the pills flew all over the floor.

Kevin’s mouth dropped and then closed again as his eyesight scattered along the floor,
mimicking the array of the drugs that rolled on the white tile as well. Instead of speaking
any words though, he simply dropped to his knees and hungrily searched for every pill he
could find.

"What the hell is WRONG with you?!" Jenn’s eyebrows furrowed in concern as she watched
the once strongest Backstreet Boy become a weak drug addict before her eyes. "Look at
yourself!"

Kevin held the three pills in his hand for a while. One red, One blue, One green. Such
innocent, pretty colors, he thought. His eyes then shifted to the floor in front of him. She
was still there. His mind began to go again…

"You can have one." Kevin opened his hand to Jenn, as innocent as if he were offering
her M&Ms. The voice with which he spoke both disgusted Jenn and broke her heart. She
couldn’t do anymore though, than just stare blankly.

Jenn reached out to take every one of the tablets but Kevin shut his hand before she
could get a hold of them. "I said one." He spoke, still not finding the wrong in this situation,
his mind still blurry.

"Give them fucking to me, Kevin!" Jenn spoke through clenched teeth.

It was too late. Kevin brought his hand to his mouth and swallowed the pills dryly. Only then
did he realize that he had no idea what they even were. The thought didn’t last for long as
he felt a cool hand smack him across the face. He looked up to find Jenn towering above
him, new tears falling down her face. "What the fuck was that for?"

"You know exactly what it was for." The look in her eyes was one unfamiliar too him. A look
of hatred. Suddenly, a rush of embarrassment and shame was instilled into Kevin’s veins
and he felt himself losing control. In one quick move, he grabbed Jenn’s wrists and
squeezed them tight.

"Don’t..ever…touch me again!" He spoke, his jaw clenching, teeth gritting together.

"Or what?!" She spat back. "You’ll keep hurting your damn self?"

Kevin’s grip on her became tighter as he felt emotion stinging his nose. "I…I…" It was all
he could get his lips to form as he stared into Jenn’s face. Giving up on any hope of
justifying himself, he released her with a push. A push that sent her flying into the side of
the bathtub. A shrill cry lead Kevin back into reality.

And he saw her blue eyes change from a look of hate to one of hurt. She had trusted him
for so long. No matter how many fights they had gotten into, Jenn had always been one to
stand up to him. She had even kept his secret quiet…

"Oh God…" Kevin backed away slowly, his hands covering his mouth as he watched Jenn’s
head limply hang to one side.
"Kevin…" The voice was barely above a whisper, but it was hers. She struggled to get to
her feet, but the damn room kept spinning…

"No…No…I didn’t do this...I didn’t…" He spoke to himself, shock evident in his voice. But
she kept crying. She wouldn’t let him believe that it wasn’t his fault.

"OH MY GOD!"

"What the hell did you do to her?!"

These were new voices. They came from behind him. Turning around, he found the faces of
his family, his four brothers. Kevin watched silently as tears began to form in their eyes to
match his own. He watched as Nick, the youngest of them all, dressed his face in a look of
disappointment and leave the doorway. It was too much for him to handle.

"What the hell have you done to my sister?!" AJ was first to speak directly to Kevin, after
taking in the scene before him. The younger man practically ran towards the older and
shoved him up against the wall. "I NEVER expected this out of you, Kevin Richardson! YOU
WERE THE FUCKIN ONE THAT HELPED ME! I thought you were stronger than me. I looked up
to you. I was so wrong about you…"

"Alex…"

"Don’t call me that." AJ shook his head. "I don’t know you anymore. You’ve hurt Nick. You’
ve hurt Jenn. You’ve hurt your cousin, your brother, and you’ve hurt Sara. If not physically,
emotionally. The Kevin I know wouldn’t have hurt anyone. Not for the whole fuckin world…"

The tattooed man sniffed and then turned to head out, unable to take any of this scene
anymore. There was something more he needed to say though. "I hate you, Kevin. I hate
you’re fucking guts." His voice was squeaking with raw emotion. "You’re dead to me." With
that statement, AJ pushed past everyone and left the room all together.

Kevin shivered with a chill as the icy words stung his ears long after his brother had
spoken them. The same words that he, himself, had spoken to AJ before he had gotten
help…

"I...I’m sorry. I’m so sorry." Kevin whispered, reality of all that he was doing hitting him, full
force. His eyes looked up to find Nick, Brian, Sara, Howie and Jenn all watching him
intently, ready to stop him from whatever he would decide to do next.

The drugs were starting to invade his body, slowly taking their affect, he could feel them.

"No…" He whispered to himself. If he could maintain his rational thinking, maybe someone
could help him. For good this time. Maybe he could get help without it leaking into the
public.

What would they think? What would everyone say when they got word of this? His friends?
His family? He was supposed to be the father figure. He was supposed to take care of
them. He wasn’t supposed to be insane…

Before he could get his mind to slow down, Kevin realized he had a razor blade tight in his
grip. He looked around. Brian and Howie were too busy tending to Jenn. He could see Nick
sitting on his bed, leaning forward with his head in his hands, Sara was beside him. Now
was his time…

His time to do what? He couldn’t quite remember. The blade resting between the tips of
Kevin’s fingers caught his eye again. It was so shiny. So new. So not meant for the purpose
he planned on using it for. He caught his reflection in blade. It wasn’t him though. It was
some man that he had never been accaquainted with. Some man he had only heard stories
about…

Slowly, Kevin turned one his hands upward, his palm facing the ceiling. The cold metal
pressed against the warmth of the pale skin of his wrist. He became intrigued with the
deep color red that poured over the white. One small drop. So intrigued that he didn’t
even hear Nick’s screams…

"KEVIN! NO!"

He heard the voice nearing him. But he couldn’t find it. He couldn’t look up long enough,
tear himself away from that beautiful venomous red color. Kevin kept dragging the blade,
watching more color seep onto his skin.

The voice was right in front of him now.

Kevin looked up to find Nick’s face staring back at him. The face was washed with pain and
sadness, those blue eyes bathed in a hurt caused by Kevin. "Don’t do it, man. I…I need
you. I love you. Stop this…" He sobbed, trying to hold it together. "Please?"

The older man looked back down to his newly slit wrist and then back up to his brother. "I
didn’t mean to, Nicky." Kevin swallowed and licked his lips, suddenly freaked out by the
blood streaming down his arm. "I…I love you too." His voice cracked at those words.

Sobs fell from his lips as he saw a hand open before him. He followed the arm to find that it
belonged to his cousin, who had paled greatly at the whole ordeal. "Give me the blade,
Kev." His accent was thick. Kevin recognized the dissappointment in his voice.

"I’m sorry, Brian."

"Just give it to me, Kevin!" His voice was more urgent, more demanding this time.
Carefully, Kevin handed the blood lined blade over to his younger cousin and looked
down, unable to face him.

It surprised the older man to feel a pair of smaller arms wrap around him. "I love you, man.
Everything’s going to be okay now, alright? We’re going to get you help."

Kevin nodded against his cousin’s chest and shook slightly, finding this reality strange and
uncomfortable. Kevin Richardson had never needed help nor had he asked for it. He could
handle things on his own.

Brian and Nick both stood above Kevin now, and a bit of fear unexpectedly overtook him,
afraid that they were going to leave him there alone. He was surprised at the next voice he
heard.

"Here…" Jenn held a wet cloth in her trembling hand. Kevin wordlessly placed his
bleeding wrist in front of him, realizing that he was becoming a bit dizzy now. He watched
and cringed a bit as she placed pressure on the wound. He then looked up to watch her
face.

"Why?" He whispered raspily. "I…I hurt you."

"That wasn’t you." She whispered back, focusing on her action, unable to look up at him
just yet.

"I’m sorry, Jenn. I..I didn’t mean to." He reached her face with his left hand and let out a few
tears when she jumped back at the touch. "I n- never wanted to hurt you. In any way…"

Jenn looked up at him finally. Gone was the crazed look in those green eyes. Now, there
was a fear, a look of hopelessness, a look that was trying to find its way back to reality. In
those moments, those quiet moments, the whole world stood still.

And when it started spinning again, it took off too quickly. "Woah…" Jenn fell back off of
her knees and held her head down in her hands.

"Oh God…" Brian was the first to notice the unusual behavior and kneel down beside the
woman. "Are you okay?"

"I’m fine…"

"No you’re not! Howie, call an ambulance." Brian spoke, scared by everything in the room.
He tried to lift Jenn into his arms but she pushed him away, making his face fall with hurt.



"I told you to quit!" She spoke, an irritated undertone in her voice. "Howie, don’t call
anyone unless it’s for Kevin."

Howie stopped in the doorway, confused by everything that was incompassed in the
morning’s events. Jenn lifted her head to look back at Kevin, who watched her intently.

"I’m not…I’m not going to leave you here, Kev. Don’t you see now…that we all care? That
we all love you?" She took a slow breath in, fighting the nausea forcing it’s way up her
throat. She knew she had to make this quick before she was forced to vomit all over him. "I’
m not too fond of you right now. I hate what you’re doing to yourself and I hate how you
hurting everyone around you, but I don’t want this baby to hate you."

With that, Jenn took Kevin’s uninjured hand and placed it on her rather flat stomach. She
waited for him to look back up at her with an acknowledging, yet questioning look. "It’s
yours, Kevin. I can’t let this baby not know you. Because you…you could be such…an
incredible dad…"

"I want to be a good dad." Kevin’s eyes were swollen into slits now as cries made his
words almost incoherent. "Please help me be…be a good daddy…"

"You will be, baby." In a moment of pure emotion, Jenn reached for Kevin and hugged him
tightly.

"Don’t leave. Please let me be a part of my….my child’s life." His sobs shook his small body
now.

Jenn cried now, too, as the two wrapped themselves around each other. "Will you get help
now, Kev? Real help? For the baby."

Kevin nodded against her chest and then sniffed, pulling away to look at her face. "I
promise. For real this time." His hands captured her face. "Thank you." He kissed her and,
for the first time, she felt the sincerity that Kevin had always possessed. Her Kevin.

Their Kevin.

The kiss was cut short by another wave of nausea hitting her. "Oh God.." She stood
quickly, searching for the toilet through blurred vision.

"What’s wrong?" Brian asked, concerned by the look on her face, wiping the tears away
from his eyes.

Jenn tried to open her mouth to tell him. She didn’t mean for it to come out so quickly.
Brian’s shirt was immediately covered in vomit. His face turned a shade of pale.

"That’s my baby." Kevin smiled from the floor.

Then the room started to become darker. Those drugs he had taken…he didn’t remember
what they were. He heard the worried voices around him, but he couldn’t respond to them.
He felt himself starting to fall over…the pain in his arm becoming intense…his eyes blinked
slower and slower…until they shut.

And Kevin fell into a dreamless….sleep.

A/N: Please review...Sara will LOVE them! Wanna know what happens next?? Too bad...cause not even I know...cause Sara wont tell me...boooo!! so please leave tons of reviews so that I...i mean...we can find out what happens...

Jenn

The sun rays blanketed the carpet with bars of light. Jenn moaned a bit as the bird chirping outside her window woke her from a peaceful sleep. When her eyes fluttered open, a smile danced upon her lips. Every morning welcomed another day that she was finally happy with her life. Kevin had been clean for two months and she made sure that there was never any alcohol in the house. Her hand traveled down to the small bump under her sheets. And their little one was perfect.

"Good morning, beautiful." Jenn jumped about ten feet when the voice came out of no where. It began to laugh and finally, her eyes focused enough to find Kevin standing in her doorway, coffee in one hand and his other shoved into the pocket of his pajama pants. "I didn’t mean to scare you."

"You don’t MEAN to do a lot of things, Richardson." She sat up now, smoothing her hair back into a ponytail and taking in the whiff of fresh coffee. "You didn’t bring me anything?"

He only smiled and nodded slightly towards her nightstand. There, sat a chocolate chip muffin and a glass of orange juice. "Aw, aren’t you Mr.Amazing this morning?"

"All the time." Kevin came over and sat down on the bed. "Now." A look of lost pride washed over him for a moment. Jenn, though, upon seeing this, quickly leaned forward and kissed him.

"All the time." She rubbed the stubble on his face, and then proceeded to laugh at the way his black hair stuck up in all different directions. "Can’t say you LOOK amazing. Just…cute."

"Back at ya." Kevin smirked before putting his coffee cup to his mouth. After an exaggerated smacking of his lips, he uncovered Jenn’s small belly and put his free hand on top of it. "How is our little sunshine this morning?"

"Just dandy, Elmo." She laughed. "How’s everything on Sesame Street?"

The dark man raised an eyebrow and sat his coffee down on the table beside her bed. "Were you just making fun of me?"

"What would you do if I were?" She replied, tilting her head to one side.

Kevin smirked evilly and then crawled slowly up her body, feeling every curve along his way. Jenn shivered with pleasure as she felt his warm breath on her face. His lips were dangerously close to hers….

And then he got up. "I’ll meet you downstairs in a few!" The man chirped, walking towards the door.

"THE HELL YOU WILL!" Jenn leapt from her bed and threw her legs around Kevin, kissing him passionately.

"Mmm, bet Elmo doesn’t get this from Big Bird!" He moaned, before laughing.

"Was that a fat joke?" She gasped. Kevin rolled his eyes and walked the rest of the way out of the door.

Jenn smiled, leaning her head against the doorpost and watching Kevin travel the rest of the way down the hall and proceed down the stairs. He looked so much healthier now. Kevin Richardson was making a comeback. It hurt her now to remember how frail he had been that day…

"Hurry baby! We have to be at the doctor’s office in an hour!" Back to his on time self. Jenn never realized before how much she would’ve missed it. Now, she wouldn't have him any other way.

Kevin threw all of his dirty dishes into the sink and hummed as he cleaned the rest of the kitchen. "Oh my god," He spoke to himself as he cleaned. "I am from Sesame Street."

He had almost finished cleaning when his hand knocked something off of the counter. Kevin bent to pick up the object and realized it was the bottle of Jenn’s prenatal vitamins. Strangely, though, when he went to place them back on the counter, he found himself not being able to let go of it. His jaw tightened as he longed for that feeling that the drugs he had hidden in his own bottles a while back would give him.

But he was clean now. He had been clean for 62 days now. He had gone through an at home treatment, too weak to go public with his problem just yet. It had been hard but he was able to fight his disease. Now, Kevin found himself faced with the smallest obstacle, and he found it hard to deal with. He found his grip tightening the harder he tried to let go.

"Damn it, Kevin. What’re you doing?!" He whispered to himself. He wanted to scream. He wanted to cry to Jenn for help. Then he realized, she couldn’t save him. He had to save himself. Taking a deep breath in through his nostrils, Kevin also knew that what was inside any bottle could not give him the happiness that the thought of his growing family upstairs instilled in him.

His fingers loosened on the pill bottle and tears began to glisten in Kevin’s eyes as he overcame something. By himself. Pressing his palms into the tile of the counter, he had to smile at his own strength.

"KEVIN!!" He smiled and turned around to watch Jenn walking awkwardly down the stairs. "These pants…won’t…FIT!" She burst, frustrated as hell.

The man let out a laugh. "Good." Kevin walked over and put his hands on the bump just above her pants. He stood for a few moments, just thinking about all he could’ve missed in his life if things hadn’t happened the way they did. "I love you any way you are." His hands moved from her stomach and wrapped around her waist, pulling her to him.

Jenn stood, almost in shock. "Did you just say…"

Before she could finish though, Kevin’s lips were pressed against hers. Their heartbeats became as the kiss intensified. Then, as gently as he had come on, he backed off. Their eyes locked with one another, searching for questions and answers. "And I meant it." He whispered, more emotion caught in his throat than he had anticipated.

For everything he was now, he was sure that she was the reason.

~*~*~*~

Kevin smiled as he and Jenn heard their child’s heartbeat for the first time. He instinctively reached for her hand and swallowed the tears that threatened his emotions. It seemed like only yesterday that he was ready to end his life. Now, here he was, listening to the heartbeat of a life that he had created.

Jenn tilted her head up to find Kevin’s eyes wet with unshed tears, matching hers perfectly. As much as she could hate him, for some reason, she couldn’t imagine this moment without him in it.

Neither of them noticed the concerned look crossing the doctor’s face. The doctor, though, seeing the look on the couples’ faces, could not bring himself to tell them.

This heartbeat wasn’t healthy at all.

"That thing you said this morning…" Jenn whispered, squeezing Kevin’s hand a bit as she swallowed. "Me too."

A smirk pulled at Kevin’s lips as he took her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on top of it as the doctor instructed Jenn to get dressed and for both of them to meet him in his office.

And, in that moment, the world seemed so with them instead of against them. They were going to be alright. Together.

~*~

Kevin’s head rested on his arms as he leaned over the steering wheel, his body shaking. "Why God?!" He would scream in random bursts.

Jenn approached the car and, seeing the father of her child so upset, had to take a few moments for herself. She moved forward and, reaching the car door, found that it was locked. She knocked lightly on the window twice before Kevin reached over to hit the unlock button.

The man rested back against his seat, his fingers lightly tapping on the bottom of his steering wheel. His jaw was clenched tight as streams of tears continued to flow down his pale face.

"This isn’t your fault, Kev." Jenn whispered, low and raspy, the tears scratching her throat.

"Then who’s fault is it, Jenn?! You were addicted to drugs! You weren’t even drinking the night we had sex!" He spat, angry with himself more than anything. His baby had irregular heartbeat which "could be caused by drug consumption at the time of conception…". At least, that’s the only possible reason that kept repeating in Kevin’s head. And the way the doctor had looked at him with such accusing eyes. It was his fault…

Jenn focused her gaze outside as she watched a young couple kiss and then laugh as the woman’s protruding stomach kept them distanced. Another couple walked out, their pace slower than the first, a sadness looming above them as they coped with a miscarriage. Still, they were holding hands. Jenn listened to Kevin’s soft cries beside her and, while the baby flittered in her expanding stomach, she couldn’t help but feel that this was all wrong.

Her hand had just fell upon her moving baby when she saw it. That unmistakable flash…

"Oh my God. Kevin, come on, we have to get out…" Jenn began to urge, putting her hand on his arm, seeing that he was still oblivious to the intruders outside their car. "COME ON!" She raised her voice.

The last phrase seemed to shake him from all the overwhelming guilt that drowned him. Outside his window, at least five flashes stung his already burning eyes. Here he was, believing that he was responsible for his baby’s health issues, and the damn media was all over him. Angrily, he shoved the key into the ignition and pushed on the gas, daring anyone to get in his way.

It was closer to home before any words were spoken. "Kev.." Jenn started.

The only sound she received in reply was a quieted sniffle.

"I…I had been drinking that night too. And…I had taken one or two pills." She confessed, taking sudden interest in the hands that rested in her lap.

Kevin’s eyes caught hers for a moment as if searching for some hidden lie in the words she had spoken. Finally, he nodded slightly. "We…we can’t blame ourselves. What’s done is done." He sniffed. "We’ll still have a beautiful baby."

Jenn could see the burden seeming to lift off of Kevin and rest evenly onto both of them. He reached for her hand and gave it a firm squeeze as they pulled into their driveway.

She could only hope that he would never find out that she had been clean since a week before they conceived this child.

"Shit…" Kevin muttered as he pulled up behind Nick’s car. He had completely forgotten that the guys had been invited to dinner at their house tonight. The simple thought of food right now was enough to make Kevin gag.

"I’ll tell him to go home…" Jenn whispered, reading Kevin’s mind. "And then…call the others."

He might’ve taken her up on the offer had she not sounded so down when she spoke. She didn’t need what he was giving her, or, rather, taking from her, right now. She deserved to at least be around good spirits.

"No." He swallowed and forced a smile. "It’ll be okay. We’ll just…order pizza or something…"

"Chinese.." Jenn smiled, a craving kicking in a bit.

Kevin had to grin a bit at that one. "Okay then, Chinese." He agreed, stepping out of the car and approaching Nick’s.

What he hadn’t expected was to find two feet pressed up against the drivers side window and one large ass blocking the vision of anything else. Jenn stifled a laugh as she came up behind Kevin to share his view. Raising an eyebrow, the man tapped on the window. Louder the second time.

The second time sent Nick’s head flying up, connecting it with the ceiling of his SUV, his hand slipping and hitting the alarm on his steering wheel. A few profane words were heard before Nick was in sitting position again, with Sara on the other side, adjusting the strap of her tank top and struggling to get her foot out from underneath her boyfriend.

"What the hell are you two doing doing…that…in my driveway!?" Kevin spoke through Nick’s window.

"Had to kill time somehow." Nick answered, pulling Sara’s foot out from underneath him.

"Well, get out."

"I…I can’t." The blonde turned a shade of red, glancing down and then back up at his audience.

Kevin opened his mouth and closed it then wrinkled his nose. "I’m going to go order the food. You don’t come out until your problem is fixed." With that, the older man walked up the stairs and into his house. Sara and Jenn followed suit.

"Damn…" Nick moaned. "Howie in a thong…Howie in a thong." It wasn’t two seconds later before the young man joined the rest.

~*~*~

"What do you suppose is wrong?" Brian leaned over to Nick halfway through dinner.

Nick only poked a piece of chicken with his chopstick and looked back at his friend. "What’re you talking about?"

"Jenn and Kevin. They’ve been acting…strange all night." He nodded his head in their direction as his cousin stood to take trash into the kitchen.

"Mmm, probably not having any sex…" Nick shrugged. "Not that Kevin had that much to begin with."

Brian laughed but still, he worried. Something was definitely bothering his cousin and his friend. "I don’t think that’s it, Nick. I mean, it’s not like she’s the virgin Mary."

This statement brought forth the affectionately named ‘Carter Cackle’. It was quickly cut off though, when the youngest boy realized that all eyes had fallen upon him. "What?"

"What’s so funny?" Jenn infused an amused look into her eyes, knowing he would pick up on anything different.

"Nothing." The blonde struggled to keep a straight face. "Mary." He whispered at the end. This time, it was Brian who laughed, sending sprite flying out of his nose.

"NASTY LITTRELL! What the hell is with y’all?" Sara laughed, looking at the two, pointing her chopsticks in their direction having given up on using them to eat.

Jenn was about to ask the same question but her attention was quickly diverted. "Sar, what’s that?" She pointed.

"Um, chopsticks." Sara picked up an unopened package in the middle of the table. "You can have some too."
"No…no, on your finger…"

By now, everyone’s eyes had left Nick and Brian and laid questioningly upon Sara.

"Well, I, uh…we…" Her brown eyes lowered, as did her hand, into her lap. Her face had turned a light shade of pink before Nick piped in.

"Um, guys, we’re getting married."

It was AJ who began to choke on a piece of chicken at this news. After a whack on the back from Brian, he finally cursed loudly and asked Nick to repeat himself.

But Jenn wished he hadn’t. While the room filled with laughter, happiness, and words of congratulations, her world began to slow down. The life inside of her stirred and she began to inspect her own hands. She was the one with the baby…living with the father…shouldn’t there be something adorning her hand as well? Jenn began to wonder what would become of her and Kevin. The way he had gotten so upset earlier…What if something was wrong with the baby? Would he handle it? Or...leave?

In all reality, she was almost jealous of Nick’s new fiancée. Jenn had been so tight with him and she supposed, looking back now, that she had always seen him as someone to fall back on. He would be there if no one else would care. He would take care of her.

Now, he would have a family of his own…

Too many thoughts invaded the woman’s mind and she had to find some way out. Feigning a smile, she forced herself to hug Nick but, the moment she felt the tears begin to sting across her nose, she found her way through the kitchen door.

Her palms pressed into the counter top, a few inevitable tears escaping down her tired face. "Damn hormones," She whispered, wiping away the evidence of rapid emotion.

"What’s going on?" A voice she recognized as her brother’s asked.

"Nothing." Jenn spoke nonchalantly, tossing back a glass of water.

"Okay. Now the truth.."

"How do you know that’s not the truth?" She feigned laughter.

" Because if it wasn’t, you would’ve bitched me out by now for thinking anything was wrong." AJ stated plainly.

Jenn turned now, leaning back against the counter. "You wanna know?"

"I asked." He sounded confident but, inside, he was scared of the truth she had to deliver.

"The baby’s heart…" She bit her lip, fighting the emotion caught in her throat. "It…it has irregular beating."

Before Jenn had even let out a breath before she was enveloped in her brother’s arms. "Jenn, I’m so sorry."

"The doctor said it..it might be because of…" She paused, wondering if she should tell him the truth.

"Because of what, sweetie?" He rubbed her back gently, trying to relax her into telling him.

"It could be because of the drugs."

The man pushed his sister back a bit. "What?!" His jaw clenched. "I can’t believe Kevin…" He turned slightly only to be turned back.

"Alex, please don’t say anything. He really feels bad enough." Jenn’s eyes pleaded with AJ.

Reluctantly, AJ kept his mouth shut pulled Jenn into his arms.

~*~*~*~*~

"Nick, just lay off, right now." Kevin stated, getting up with empty boxes in his hands. He thought the confrontation was over, they would just go back to discussing the wedding.

"No Kevin, I won’t lay off. You’ve been a wet blanket for God knows how long and it seems that you’re never happy for anyone except yourself." The blonde had grown bold.

Sara, Brian, and Howie watched with wide eyes as Kevin turned around slowly. He plunked the boxes onto the table and stared hard at Nick. The stare suddenly, though, turned softer and the older man caught his bottom lip between his teeth.

"You want to know what my problem is today, Nick?" Kevin’s finger traced a water ring on the table before looking up with watery eyes. "Because when I went to the doctor with Jenn today, I found out that our baby isn’t in the best health. Know why?! Because of drug use during conception! Then I pull up into my driveway to find you and Sara having sex in your front seat and then you tell us y’all are engaged! I want that, damn it! I love Jenn…And for the life of me, I don’t know why I’m afraid of life. Because…" He paused for a moment, his voice becoming quieter. "Because what would I have to lose? She’s so..perfect.."

The man looked up, realizing that everyone was focused on him. Suddenly, he became introverted and, as his face flushed, Kevin could find no escape but to run up the stairs and into some hiding place.

Nick blinked, trying to take in all of the information that had just been hurled at him.

"What?" Brian spoke first, after he forced his jaw to close. "What’s wrong with the baby?"

"He…He loves Jenn?" Nick whispered into the air.

"What the hell did you guys do to him?!" Jenn spat, coming back into the dining room. She had heard Kevin yelling just in time to see him fly up the stairs. She had waited at the bottom until she heard his door slam and then retreated back.

"He loves you?" The blonde repeated, looking at his friend.

"What?!" What was Nick talking about? Kevin loved her? "Just…just…I don’t know." Jenn collapsed into a pulled out chair and put her head into her hands. "Today’s just…no good."

"I…I gave him…the drugs. I helped him…" Sara hadn’t said a word since Kevin had gone and now it was apparent why.

"No, Sar. He…He bought them." Nick tried to console. Before he was finished talking though, his new fiancee was up and out of the room with Nick hot on her heels.

Brian and Jenn were the only two left sitting as AJ and Howie watched each other.

"The baby’s…heart." Brian paled, his words mindless off of his lips. "I…I don’t feel too well." His cousin’s child was going to have congenital heart problems. It hit too close to home.

"Um, C’mon Bri. I’ll take you home." Howie’s eyes glanced from Jenn to AJ and then back again before following Brian out.

"Go Alex." Jenn spoke now, her voice barely above a whisper, her fingers entangled in her hair.

"Jenn...I…" He began.

"I need alone time with him." She breathed out , looking up for the first time since she had sat down. "Please?"

"Okay." AJ gave in, leaning down to kiss his sister’s forehead. "You call me later, alright?"

Jenn smiled and nodded tiredly in response. "Promise."

"Love you."

"I know." She smirked. "Love you too. Thanks, big bro."

"No prob." And with that, he was out the door, leaving Jenn alone at the bottom of the stairs. With great hesitation, the woman forced herself to climb the first step and then the second and then continued until she was at the top. Her strong emotions though, were taking over her body, forcing her further and further away from Kevin’s door and more towards her own.

There was a broken sound though, that interrupted her action. A lonely cry…

…coming from behind Kevin’s door.

"Kevin?" Jenn whispered, quietly pushing open the door to his room.

"What?" His voice was almost as dark as the room in which he sat.

"You alright?"

"Not at all."
She took in his silhouette. The moon reflected off of the ocean and felt onto his floor, leaving the outline of a 33 year old man, hunched over in sadness. His bare back shook with every breath he took, his hands entangled in his dark hair.

"I’m sorry." Jenn couldn’t think of anything else to say as she sat on the end of his bed.

"Why should you be sorry?" He breathed in. "You didn’t hurt our child."

"KEVIN SCOTT! If you don’t get off of it right now, I’ll…I’ll…" She yelled now, no longer feeling pity for the man.

"You’ll WHAT?!" He stood now, moving forward.

Jenn looked around frantically but could only find the one thing that she really wanted. The one thing that had been so tempting, yet, for some reason, unattainable. "I’ll do this!"

With that, she brought her hand to the back of Kevin’s head and pressed her lips against his own.

Jenn was surprised to find no resistance in the intimate move. He had wanted it just as badly as she had.

Kevin’s mind was whirling. Suddenly, memories from previous nights flew into an open window of his mind. He had missed her so badly each time. She was different, he had guessed. But his lifestyle would never allow him to be tied down to someone like her. She was too good. Now, though, things had changed. They were forever bound together by this child. Maybe it was for a reason…

Kevin grasped onto Jenn tighter as thoughts invaded his mind. "I want you." He breathed, kissing down her neck.

"Take me." She whispered, gently tugging his hair with her fingers.

The man swallowed, looking up, his green eyes piercing her soul. "Are…are you sure?"

Normally, he would never even consider the feelings and emotions put into this act. He just got what he wanted and left. This, too, though, was different. This night, just like a night a couple of months ago, could change their lives forever.

Jenn sucked in a quiet breath and nodded, meeting his eyes for the first time. Her trembling hands ran down his bare sides and looked up when she reached his waist, as if asking for permission to carry on.

"We need this." He breathed out in response. "I…"

Gently, Jenn placed a finger over his thin lips and then replaced it with her own lips to silence him completely.

His hands began to roam timidly underneath her shirt, rediscovering the land that he had always wanted to travel back to. The only body that he had ever remembered. He hadn’t realized until that moment how much he had missed it.

Jenn couldn’t help but smile as she fell back onto Kevin’s bed, her trembling hands fumbling with his belt buckle as the human inside of her began to awake and stir. Maybe her dreams of this family were finally going to become a reality…

Her thoughts were broken by Kevin’s warm breath against her neck, the soft kisses he placed from her earlobe to her jaw line in a continuous trail.

This was it. Everything inside of her felt perfectly in place. Kevin Richardson was her missing piece. Now, she lay wondering, if he felt the same way.

A thin layer of sweat began to coat Kevin’s body as his skin finally become one with Jenn’s. In that moment, he felt something he had never felt before and with every move, every kiss, he became more and more frightened. Frightened of the unknown…of the future…of this feeling.

It would be hours before Kevin and Jenn would finally rest in each others’ arms. The ecstasy of the night still illuminated the room long after they had fallen asleep, with their hearts beating in a rhythmic pattern, their child resting between them. It was the perfect picture of love.

But even the finest masterpiece has it’s flaws. Fine details that can be destroyed in moments….

A/N: Sara is finishing with Chapter 7 very shortly...if i have my way tonight...lol...and i will post it as soon as she sends it to me....please let her know what you think...

Jenn could feel the sun pouring into the room before she even opened her eyes. The warmth that seeped through the window soaked her skin in a feeling of loveliness, so new to her. Kevin’s love, once again, had wrapped its arms around her heart. She found herself to be as vulnerable as ever, scared to ever be let go again.

He would never do that though, she told herself, using her arm to shield her eyes from the now invasive sun. Last night had meant so much to both of them…

Rolling over to find that Kevin had already gone downstairs, Jenn stood pulling on an old shirt and pajama pants of his.

"Hey you…" She whispered, finding him sitting on the couch, hunched over the coffee table, reading the newspaper and sipping coffee.

"Mornin’." He replied, looking up for a moment and then back down, rubbing his scruffy chin absentmindedly.

In the moment that he had glanced at her though, Jenn could see that things weren’t quite right. She could feel it. When the baby began to stir, the mother-to-be decided to question the feeling later and head for the kitchen.

In this room, her senses were overwhelmed with the smell of fresh blueberry muffins and she quickly found them setting on the oven top. Her appetite quickly disappeared, however, upon seeing the paper that laid beside the muffin. There, in black and white for the whole world to see, was a picture of her and Nick on the night that she had told him of her pregnancy. Directly below that was a picture of she and Kevin in front of the doctor’s office the previous day. These pictures, though, had been exploited to paint a totally different story.

Who is the Backstreet Daddy? Not even the mommy knows! The headline read. Tears of fury stung Jenn’s blue eyes as a wave of nausea hit her. Pulling out a chair from the table, she shakily sat down. Almost immediately, she was aware of another presence in the room.

Kevin stood in the doorway, tears of confusion threatening to fall. "What…what happened?"

"What do you mean what happened, Kevin?!" Jenn sniffed, her voice coming out in a harsh tone. "They…they’ve misconstrued everything…"

"How can they have…"

"C’mon Kevin! You know the media can take pictures and make up a story…" She tried to argue, not believing that he was actually saying such things.

"They quoted a waitress that was…"

"You don’t believe me?!" She yelled in disbelief before he could even finish.

The kitchen fell in an awkward silence, the tension growing thicker as Kevin offered to answer.

"Oh my God…" Jenn swallowed and sat down in a chair, the table becoming the center of her attention. "How can you…"

Kevin shook his head slowly, looking down at the floor. "It’s so hard to trust anything, Jenn. I never thought I’d be one to see a picture and believe the story but…you and Nick have always been so close."

"But why would I TELL you this baby is yours, Kevin?!" She cried, looking up at him for the first time.

"I don’t know." He paused. "Maybe you don’t know."

The comment angered Jenn more than she could ever imagine. Not just because he doubted her, but because she loved him. She trusted him. They had made love the night before and now…now… She stood up, hurling everything in her line of vision towards the older man. "I HATE YOU!" She screamed.

Hate. Kevin swallowed. It was always the word that he feared. It was the word that had made him fall into the hands of the devil, thinking the boys hated him. His heart began to sting with pangs of guilt as tears prickled the corners of his eyes. "I…I…"

"Don’t even try to fix it now." She stopped at the bottom of the stairs. "You…you’ve already broken me."

"Jenn, I’m sorry. It’s just so hard…to…" He struggled, knowing that what she had said was true, but he couldn’t stop himself.

"No." She sighed and sniffed, trying to compose herself. "I’m the one who’s sorry."

With that, Jenn gripped onto the stair rail and climbed the stairs quickly, afraid to break down in front of him.

Kevin watched her disappear. There was nothing he could do now. Now right at this moment anyway. Grabbing the newspaper, he opened the backdoor and stepped outside onto the deck. He looked down at the picture in his trembling hands and couldn’t believed that he had just accused her of the things he did. The woman he loved. The mother of his baby. She would never do this to him…

Everything around him became blurred as hot tears spilled out of his eyes and down his paling cheeks. "I’m so sorry…" He called out to the air.

But no one was listening and his apologies, once again, made no difference.

~*~*~

So bright. Yet dull. The sun was setting over a patch of grass. He could hear children in the distance. Questioningly, his emerald eyes searched for a familiar face.

Then there it was. That sound. That sound that ripped through his heart. Jenn was crying.

"Sweetie, I’m sorry… but Sara and I have our own family." It was Nick’s voice that could be faintly heard as Kevin moved towards a couple sitting underneath a tree.

"But Nick, what do I do? Kevin has nothing to do with us. He thinks she’s…"

"One look at that kid, Jenn, and you KNOW she’s not mine…or anyone BUT Kevin’s."

The older man averted his attention to a small girl who tottered towards a butterfly. Her tiny hands were outstretched as a laugh escaped her pink lips. Dark brown curls fell in front of her piercing green eyes. How could he ever think she was anyone but his own?

His heart suddenly tingled with a paternal instinct as he found himself almost floating towards the little girl. The laughter stopped suddenly, as the girl saw Kevin. For a minute or two, they stared at each other…

…Then she began to scream, running away into the arms of her mother. Jenn then looked up, her face tear streaked. Blame written all over it.

~*~*~*~*~

Kevin woke up with a light sheet of cold sweat coating his body. How could he doubt the mother of his child? HIS child. It didn’t matter biologically. This baby was his…

His eyes glanced at the land lying in front of him. It wasn’t much, a pool, a deck, trees around the deck. When he closed his eyes, though, he could hear the laughter of that little child again. He could feel the child jumping into his lap to tell him all about her day. It warmed his heart. That was the moment that Kevin realized what a jerk he was being. How could he not have believed Jenn? How could he have made love to her last night and then, not four hours later, hurt her so badly? The sky began to rumble and cloud over, ironically matching the mood of the morning.

Kevin swallowed the guilt in his throat and sprung from his chair. He had to fix things…before it was too late.

Climbing the stairs, tears began to reach the ends of his eyelashes, feeling worse and worse for the way he had been acting. Now, all he wanted to do for the rest of the day was make it up to Jenn, make her believe somehow, that he was there for her. Forever, now.

"Jenn?" He knocked lightly on the door, clearing his throat. The silence left his heart feeling smaller than it already did. "Baby, please…I am so sorry…we need to talk."

When there was no sign of a response this time, Kevin began to worry. What if she had hurt herself or got sick or…

The man slowly pushed open the door, scared of what was lying behind it.

Empty.

The room was empty. Kevin stood in shock. His emerald eyes frantically searched the room, his hands beginning to shake. There was no sign of any life.

"Oh god.." He sighed, sitting on the end of the bed, finding her closet half empty. "Come back…" His head was spinning with wild thoughts of where she could be.

The rain poured outside now. Wherever she was, it was all his fault. Crawling up to her pillows, where he had awaken her every morning, he took one tightly in his arms and let his tears melt against it. "I need you." He whispered, inhaling the scent as the rhythmic tapping on the roof made him even more anxious. "It’s my fault…"



Can we get back to love again
Seems like I'm losing my best friend
Can you rescue me from the rain
And be my sunshine again
Can I make it up to you
I promise that I'll do anything for us
Cause baby I love you
I mean it, I need you
Let's get back to love again
I don't wanna go on without you, baby
Don't wanna hurt anymore
Ain't nothing right and my world is going crazy
Ain't nothing left to live for



It was probably the last place she should’ve been, considering the circumstances. She couldn’t stand driving in the rain though and it seemed like the safest place to go. Now, standing on the front porch, drenched in the rain, she hesitated pushing the doorbell. Finally though, Jenn decided it was selfish to stand out in the rain, making herself sick when it might hurt their baby. Her baby…

"Jenn?" Nick’s hair stood atop his head, every which way, his eyes still swollen with sleep. "What the hell…"

The rain couldn’t hide her tears. Not from Nick. Without asking any questions, he hugged her tight against his chest and brought her inside.

And for a moment, she wished the newspaper had been true…


A/N: Chapter 8 is already half way done...keep up the reviews...Sara really loves them....

A roll of thunder interrupted the harmonies that were being vocalized in the small studio. The sudden noise brought a squeaking noise out of AJ and laughter out of the rest. Feeling warmed up, the guys, out of pure habit, all sat down in various places to look over the week’s itinerary. However, two of them had their minds elsewhere.

Kevin’s chest had felt constricted ever since he woke up alone this morning in Jenn’s room. It had hit him that he had no idea where she was. He had no idea where his child was. Hell, he didn’t even know if they were safe. For the first time in months, Kevin felt himself caring for something. For someone. It was exactly what had driven him to drinking and drugs the first time, caring for something so deeply that left him empty.

It was almost what drove him back again that morning…

The hurt, it had been so fierce, so unexpected, that as soon as he woke up with tears in his eyes, the first thought on Kevin’s mind was to go back for that pleasure…that cure…in the bottom of the bottle. His hand had gripping the neck of the Corona bottle tightly, his lips hovering over the open cap, his nose taking in the scent of alcohol. He was longing for it, knowing it could be used as his band aid. It could heal his open wound…

…But then he saw his calendar on the refrigerator. Each past day was marked off, a countdown to the baby’s arrival. Each day a victory over his battle. He couldn’t stop now. Kevin Richardson was not about to give up on what he had tried so hard to end. With the thought of Jenn and his child in his mind, Kevin poured out every bit of alcohol left in his house and then sunk to the kitchen floor, sobbing until it was time to go to the studio.

Nick Carter stared blankly at his sheet of paper. He felt like he was harboring a fugitive. From the moment that Kevin had walked in that morning, the younger man had kept his distance from everyone, knowing people could read the looks on his face. Jenn had made him promise the night before not to let on that she was staying with him. But she didn’t know how hard it was, how much guilt he felt…Quickly, a pencil found it’s way between his teeth, an attempt to shield his inner struggle.

"So," Brian was first to fling the paper down, stretching his feet in front of him with his arms behind his head. "How’s everything with y’all? How’s Jenn, Kev?"

Both Kevin and Nick’s heads shot up, a blank glare piercing the speaker. Brian quickly sat up in his chair, resting his elbows on the table and leaning sideways towards Howie. "Did I miss a memo?"

Howie only shrugged, being the only one actually absorbing the itinerary and setting up his schedule on his cell phone. "Maybe they didn’t hear you correctly."

Before Brian could repeat himself, though, his cousin let out a heavy breath, running his hand down his tired face. "I don’t think we’re talking to each other. I really…screwed up, guys…"
All eyes, including Nick’s, were now watching their older ‘brother’, waiting for an explanation. He almost regretted his previous words, strongly doubting his emotional strength.

"Um, the…article, yesterday morning…" Kevin searched his memory for a place to begin, trying to push away the memories of the night before that morning.

"Yeah, I saw that." Brian frowned, the others nodding in recognition of the subject.

"Well, I just…I pushed it. I didn’t believe her. I…"

"What did you do to her?!" AJ half stood, only to be pulled back down by Howie.

"I hurt her." Kevin’s voice cracked. He was almost in a daze now. "We made love. She trusted…me…"

"I can’t believe you, Richardson!" The younger man spoke through clenched teeth.

"I didn’t mean to.."

"You knew EXACTLY what you were doing!"

"I don’t…"

"JUST save it." With that, AJ flung his chair back and sped out of the door.

"I love her." Kevin continued, lackadaisically. "I love her and I don’t know where she is."

"What do you mean?" Howie lowered his eyebrows.

"She left me." He stopped to suck in a breath and wipe away some unexpected tears. "And I don’t blame her, but…I’m worried sick."

Nick raised his eyes to look around the room. He was so torn. He had promised Jenn he wouldn’t tell anyone of her whereabouts but, Kevin looked so desperate, sounded so regretful. After all, wasn’t it half way Nick’s fault that all of this had happened?

"Kev…"

"What?" His voice was void of emotion as he sat with his elbows propped on the table, his head resting in the palms of his hands. Maybe he was hiding the tears…

"I…I know where she is." Nick whispered, suddenly backing down but not before the truth spilled from his lips.

All eyes were on him now. Including Kevin’s.

"You….what?" Kevin put emphasis on each word, a bit of mixed emotion mixed into them.

"She…"

"SHE WHAT?!" Kevin stood up a bit, almost leaning forward over the table in Nick’s direction. Brian reached up and grabbed his shoulder, pushing him back down.

"She was really upset last night and afraid to drive in the rain…and she…" The blonde took interest in his hands, which were tightly folded in his lap, rubbing each other.

"She’s at your house, isn’t she?" Kevin clenched his jaw, sitting back with his arms folded against his chest and shaking his head.

"Where was she supposed to go, Kev? She couldn’t even see in all this rain." Nick tried to make Kevin see the rational side.

And the older man did, but he wasn’t about to let Nick off that easy. He wasn’t mad that Jenn was with Nick. He was jealous. "I should’ve known…"

Nick had had enough of Kevin’s rude comments. He had only told him where Jenn was because he had seemed worried. He should’ve known better. Kevin would never change back into the person he used to be.

"No, Kev, I should’ve known…" He paused, narrowing his eyes. "I should’ve known you’d still be the ass you’ve been."

"I can not believe you just said that to me." Kevin looked at Nick with disgust.

"I can’t believe you’re angry with me for taking care of your child and your friggin’ girlfriend! YOU hurt her and you’re mad at ME?" The blonde shook his head. "Save the look, Richardson because the only one you should be disgusted with is yourself!"

The room fell silent. Brian sucked in a quiet breath and Howie turned his attention to the floor, waiting for the explosion.

The words stung Kevin, mostly because they were speaking the truth. He couldn’t hurt though, he wouldn’t allow it. Running his tongue across his teeth as he turned to watch Nick move towards the door, he couldn’t help but remember all the images he had seen of Nick and Jenn together.

"Did you sleep with her?" Kevin asked, focusing on the wall and then on the man who had frozen just short of the exit.
"Say that again." It was spoken as a challenge as Nick’s face tinted with a furious pink. He turned around, nearing Kevin.

"I asked if you had slept with her." Kevin didn’t back down. "Not just now. At any time.."

Nick’s jaw clenched and neither Brian nor Howie could act fast enough to stop his fist from connecting with Kevin’s jaw.

"How dare you even SUGGEST that I would sleep with Jenn!" He was fuming. "How dare you insinuate that that I would be so low as to cheat on Sara or even hurt you like that!"

"Nick, maybe we should…"

"Shut up, Brian. You’re not involved in this." Nick spoke without even averting his eyes away from Kevin. "You know what, Kevin? She’s too good for you. I wish that baby WERE mine…"

"SHUT THE HELL UP,NICK!" Kevin’s face was stinging with pain as words fell from his lips and tears threatened to fall. "You don’t know…"

"Mr.Carter, you have a phone call." A young receptionist poked her head in the door, almost immediately sensing the thick tension.

"Hold it, Anna."

"It’s an emergency. I think. It’s Sara."

Nick bit his lip and turned towards the door, taking the phone from the woman. The other three watched as his face began to pale.

"It’s Jenn. She’s…she’s passed out. They’re taking her to the hospital."


A/N: theres more to come....please be kind and rewind...no....wait....review...lol....

Chapter 9


The fight between the two bandmates only seemed to get bigger after the call.

“What’d you do to her?!”

“Nothing! It’s what YOU did to her, you fucker!” Nick yelled as he rushed out into the parking lot, digging in his pocket for his keys.

Kevin got his revenge, punching Nick in the stomach. “Don’t you EVER accuse me of…”

“Hurting her? Like you admitted to before you had someone else to blame this on?!” Nick held his stomach tight, looking up, hoping to get some guilt into Kevin. Deep down, he didn’t care how much he pissed him off, he just wanted Jenn to be happy. And that was only with this man before him.

Kevin stood in silence, watching as Nick got into his car and sped off. There, in the middle of the pavement, he broke down. Dropping to his knees, Kevin began to yell in sobs, begging for forgiveness to the wind that whipped around him, to the rain that drenched his clothes. He didn’t even feel Brian pulling him up and putting him into his car.

The seconds ticked away slowly as the five men sat quietly in the waiting room of a Malibu hospital. They had nothing to say to each other, scared that anything would set off another argument of emotions.

“I…I didn’t mean for this to happen.” Kevin’s voice was raspy and deep, scared of the unknown.

“You think we did?” Nick’s head shot up, still ready to fight. Why? He wasn’t sure. He was sick of arguing. He just wanted his friend to be okay.

Sara, who had her hand resting on her fiancé’s leg , smacked his back a little and gave him a warning glance. “Don’t start, Nickolas.”

The blonde sighed and closed his eyes. It all hurt so bad. The man he had trusted as his oldest brother, who he had looked up to, tried to be like, was the one who hated him now. And for what? For trying to make him proud. That’s what Nick had had in mind when he took Jenn in. As angry as he had been with Kevin, he had always been hungry for his approval. He had always wanted Kevin to be proud of him, to need him like he needed Kevin when he was younger. And now, all of that, it was torn down in one argument.

It hurt. He grabbed onto Sara’s hand and turned away from the others, afraid they would read the thoughts on his face.

Kevin watched Nick intently. He had tried to shelter him from the world’s evils but then had to be the one that brought it right to his doorstep. He wanted to kick himself. His green eyes scanned the room. He felt as if he had hurt everyone.

“Are you all here for Ms. McLean?” An older man looked up from a clipboard in his hand.

“I’m her brother.” AJ stood up first and moved quickly towards the doctor, his nervous energy obvious.

“Anyone else related?” The man asked.

“I’m..um..” Kevin stopped. What was he to Jenn? The father of her child. Her lover for all of two nights. The man that continuously “accidentally” hurt her. He had hoped for, had wanted, so much more for the two of them. He had screwed that up royally.

“Her fiance.” Surprisingly, it was Nick’s voice that spoke for Kevin. His blue eyes met Kevin’s and, though they still held traces of anger and contempt, there was an understanding about them. Jenn needed Kevin. There was a future there. There was a second chance…

“Yeah…um, fiance.” Kevin stood and walked over beside AJ, who eyed him with a bit of disgust.

“But everyone here is very close.” Jenn’s brother quickly spoke. “You can tell us all.”

“Well,” The doctor removed his glasses and rubbed his tired eyes. “It seems that Jennifer’s condition is stress induced. She hasn’t been eating well and the baby is not getting proper nutrition…”

Kevin stopped listening and swallowed the sick feeling rising in his throat. His baby and the woman he had…feelings for, were unhealthy. He couldn’t help but blame himself. What else was there to blame?

His green eyes searched the faces of his friends for guilt that matched his own. While he found traces of it, each of them were more concerned. Kevin could feel his heart begin to crack.

“You can go first, Kevin.” AJ’s hand was on the older man’s back, shaking him out of his stillness. Jenn’s brother still held a bit of hostility in his voice and stiffness in his touch. “This is your chance to make things right.” He looked Kevin straight in the eyes. “One more chance, dude. If you screw this one up…”

“I won’t.” He whispered, almost scared that AJ would change his mind, realize that he had caused all of this. Gathering up all of the strength he could, Kevin forced himself out into the sanitary hallways, ignoring all the curious glances from nurses. He had to get to Jenn. By the time he reached her door, he realized that he had been half running.

Now he had slowed down significantly, just inside her door.

With great hesitation, Kevin neared the hospital bed. It seemed so strange to him. A month ago, he wouldn’t have even cared about her. A month ago, at this time, he’d probably be buying drugs from someone in a hotel lobby or having sex with a woman whose name he wouldn’t remember the next day. All of the sudden though, Kevin had become an almost father and was in love with the woman before him.

The man stopped just short of the bed. In love? He thought. Since when was Kevin Richardson one to fall in love with someone he once despised?

Kevin reached his trembling hand out towards Jenn’s still, lifeless hand. Even lying there, as still as she was, he found her so beautiful. Just like when he would watch her in the mornings, when she was sleeping soundly, the sun from the window barely kissing her skin. He closed his eyes, breathing in slowly, wishing to God that he was standing in the doorway of her room now. Wishing, too, that her room…was their room. That he had realized long before now how much she meant to him.

“God, Jenn, I…I’ve been such an ass.” He snickered at himself. “I guess you know that. You were right, Nick….he’s such a better person than I am.” He paused again. “And you know I’d never say that…unless I meant it.”

Kevin squeezed her hand tighter, as if that would make her respond. The only response he received though, was the quiet beeping of the heart monitor. His green eyes rested on it for a moment then returned back to her pale face.

“I love you.” He whispered. “I…I know I should’ve told you before now. I should’ve told you…and made you believe it.” His throat constricted. “I love you.” He put his hand on her stomach. “I love him…or her. I love…this.” It was too late for these words now though, he realized, causing his eyes to burn with more tears.

“I…I know you hate this romantic crap.” Kevin smiled through his tears. “But, it’s the only thing I can think of right now. I just…I keep remembering how you saved me that day and God, if I could do half for you what you’ve done for me…” He sniffed and took her hand in both of his then rested it against his chest, never letting go. “Just…don’t leave me now. I promise to be better. I promise…”

Jenn heard every word and she wanted so badly to open her eyes. Her body felt so weak though, she wasn’t strong enough to fight. She could feel the baby stir inside of her at the touch of her father, the voice. It made her want to cry. For all the things she had but, also, for the things she would never be sure of. One of those “things” was Kevin. Maybe it was better just to stay asleep….

Kevin watched in horror as her heart rate dropped. Dramatically.

Chapter 10

He had just come home when the hospital had called. Had almost fallen asleep when the shrill ring made his heart jump. What the voice had told him made his heart almost jump out of his chest.

Now Kevin was walking down the long hallway, wondering how he had even gotten there in one piece. He couldn’t think and the adrenaline pumping into his brain made him have to stop every few minutes, his legs weak from fear.

Jenn had taken a sudden turn for the worse and no one could tell Kevin why. He couldn’t even remember what the doctor had said to him. He wasn’t even sure if he had hung up the phone. All he knew was that his heart kept falling further and further into the deepest pits of his stomach and he felt worse than he ever had before. Guilt. Regret.

What if he could never tell her he loved her again? What if he never got to see his baby? Never got to….

Kevin’s hand was shaking so bad that he had to reach for the doorknob four times before he actually grasped it. Breathing in deeply, he entered the room, the pressure and atmosphere seeming to suffocate him.

His amber green eyes found his girlfriend, jerking wildly on the bed. She was crying and her hand was wrapped tightly around the nurse’s hand. Her left hand, that should’ve been graced with a diamond ring months ago. Guilt and regret. Again.

Kevin slowly neared the bed as Jenn began to relax against her pillow. Her blue eyes were shining and still. “Baby…” He licked his lips gently, swallowing his tears and smoothing the sheet just beside her hand. “I..I got here as soon as I could.”

Her heart beat was slow but she turned her head at the sound of his voice and smiled a bit, moving her hand easily to find his. “Please…please don’t go.” He swallowed, looking up to find the doctors frowning at him. “I…I love you.”

She smiled and he felt a bit relieved, knowing that she wasn’t angry with him. Feeling better that she realized he was there. With her, if this is was the end of her forever. Jenn’s mouth opened slightly. “I….I…I love you too….Nick.”

The flatline seemed to be the sound of a gunshot that went straight through his body.

He woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily as he realized the sounds he had heard was really his alarm going off before the radio came on.

“Gooooooood morning, Orlando!!” A DJ cheerily spoke from the speaker. “Word on the street is that the Backstreet Boys are in town for an extended stay. Maybe recording more for another album? Hmmmm…” Kevin’s hand smacked down on the top of the clock, shutting the annoying man off with a groan.

“Thank…Thank God…it wasn’t real.” He wiped the tears out of his eyes and let out a heavy sigh. Of course nothing like that was going to happen. Jenn had opened her eyes just hours after he had seen her the first night. He was supposed to go pick her up this morning. Precisely the reason he had set his clock…

But he would call just in case.

“Kevin, I swear to God, you’ve got to stop calling me so damn early and waking me up. If you keep this up…” Chances were, she hadn’t been up long but she had expected the call, seeing as Kevin had been doing this since she had been admitted.

“Oh hush. I was just making sure you didn’t want breakfast before I-”

“Oh whatever. You just wanted to make sure I wasn’t dead.” Jenn laughed, chewing on a piece of toast.

“So what if I did?!” Kevin rolled his eyes, wishing he had skipped the phone call and went for the shower. “And now that I hear that you are alive and well, I will be hanging up now.”

“Awww, poor Kevin.” She was still laughing. “Upset because a woman was right.”

“Shut up and eat your..whatever your eating. I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Love you.”

“I…yeah.” It felt suddenly so awkward and strange to tell her that while she was awake, even though she had said it first. He figured it was still the guilt he felt from their fight a week ago.

But bringing her home would change everything. He was sure of it.

The object in his pocket assured him of that. Now if he could just get up the nerve to do it. If he could just be guaranteed a happiness with forever. With her. With his baby.

What could be bad about that? Nothing. Absoleutly nothing.

Or at least that’s how love stories were supposed to go. What about this was really typical though? That’s what put the fear in him. What would happen next…