Part One

Mama, take this badge off of me
I can't use it anymore.
It's gettin' dark, too dark for me to see
I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door

It had started as a small corner store robbery. When he had walked in there, he looked normal and remained calm until a group of loud German tourist had brought all the junk food, beer and cigarettes they wanted he had advanced with one pocket full with his balled fist. He moved it around as if something was in there.

“Give me all the money or you’re going to die tonight.” He said to her and her eyes grew wide. She gasped as she looked down at his pocket. She began emptying the money into one of the store bags that read simply “thank you”. It was one of those cheap branded bags in which any store could use.

She shoved him the bag and he grabbed it gently.

“I wasn’t going to kill you,” he said sincerely and she nodded quickly without a sound. “I just want some money. It’s not your fault, but can I have five minutes before you call the cops. Please?”

“Sure,” she said breathing in heavily, “Whatever you want.”

“Thank you.” He said walking out and slipping into an old, red car that was in bad need of a paint job. He drove down to another store after one so in his mind he could throw the police off if they came looking for him. It had been ten minutes since the girl had agreed. Most likely they were interviewing her now and conversing with other patrols. He pulled into a remotely clear and quiet Chinese shop. Sliding out, he hurried inside and fidgeted like before.

“Hi,” he said with a reserved smile to a petite young woman. Her eyes were beautiful and Asian and he admired her beautiful face. He didn’t want to scare her. So he brought a pack of gum and some twizzlers.

“Three twenty five please.” She said smiling at him and he smiled back.

He rummaged through his wallet and pulled four one dollar bills out. He laid the crumbled bills against the counter.

“You’re very beautiful.” He said and she laughed.

“Thank you. I think the same about your eyes. They look like cinnamon.” She replied and he chuckled lightly.

“Can I take you out for a drink later?” he asked nervously.

“Sure. I get off in an hour.” She said.

“How bout Ownerman’s Lounge, I’ll buy you dinner.”

“Ah,” she smiled and handed the few cents back, “I’d love that. I’m starving right now. I’ll see you there at eleven thirty.” She said with a sweet large grin exposing the small white teeth in her mouth.

“Yeah.”

Part Two

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

He pulled into a Seven Eleven and stopped the car. He couldn’t afford Ownerman’s Lounge unless he had a couple hundred dollars. There was no wine under $50 and no meal under $15. He wasn’t a bad person. He was just tired of living in complete poverty. He needed a new car where he didn’t hold his breath as he drove hoping the brakes wouldn’t give out or the engine didn’t die. He needed a new apartment where cockroaches didn’t share his dinner and the couple next to him didn’t scream all night and the world didn’t revolve around their sleeping patterns. It was a hard, cold, bitter feeling of hopelessness. He remembered how he’d been young and adults and family smiled as he beemed of how he would be a famous singer or doctor. They would hug and smother him with love and encourage him. He remembered as if yesterday how he tried that drug and then the rest of his life fell like dominos. He was arrested and the scholarships flew from his fingertips as fast as he had inhaled the drug. He knew he shouldn’t have resorted to false violence but he just wanted to feel as he had felt when he was so young. He wanted to feel that false hope that sang everything would be alright for right now. Everything would be fine.

So when he threatened the clerk that stood there, he threatened him and scared him with the anger and pain inside of his broken, bruised soul.

He yelled this time, and the guy shoved the money in a plastic bag and shoved it to him. He walked out quickly with his head down and jumped in his car. He drove calmly from the lot and began his way toward the nearest park. He needed time to think. He needed time to calm down.

Driving to the park took twenty minutes and he wasted no time starting to the bridge. He starred down at the black water which flowed slowly over small rocks and plant life. He’d occasionally hear something scurry into a bush or splash across the water. He closed his eyes.

Everything was wrong. Everything wasn’t fair. There wasn’t one good soul left in the world. The motto was do what you have to, to get where you have to because it will be and forever be every man or woman for his or her self. Bullshit about marriage and love. Bullshit about family and friends…at least for his life. Nothing had worked after he had just tried that drug. Nothing had worked. The scholarships went away and the disappointments began. His mother favored his little brother and he could never live up to father’s sudden harsh expectations. He had finally had it. Begging for his scholarship back had been a waste, pleading silently with his father for forgiveness of not being like him was ignored and his mother just never really went back to loving him like she did. They were a Catholic family. They lived in a nice big brick house with money. They had expectations to live up to and when it wasn’t met, you were shunned.

He drove thirty minutes to the Ownerman’s Lounge and arrived five minutes before they were scheduled to meet. He stuffed two hundred into his pocket and had parked the car a block away. He walked through the cold wind with his small army green jacket that was too small for his arms but he rolled them to his elbows so it looked somewhat stylish. He had shedded his black jacket into the car so incase they saw the surveillance tapes of someone with a black jacket, no one would suspect him. He ripped the knees of his jeans quickly and he was finished with his disguise.

She came in and looked beautiful in a baggy vanilla sweater and tight blue jeans that flared widely to cover her small feet. After he ordered a wine that they both agreed upon he smiled at her. She returned the gesture.

“So, what’s your name mystery beauty?” he grinned widely.

“Miesha Summar. Yours?” she questioned as the waiter came and poured the wine for both then set the bottle on the table. He nodded to him and he left.

“Alexander McLean.” He said, “But you can call me A.J.”

“Well A.J., you look nice tonight.” She sipped her wine slowly.

“But you look lovely.” She laughed.

“What do you want out of life? What type of man are you looking for?”

“A guy with financial status man. I’m not trying to remain stuck forever in that stupid little shop like my sisters and brother. It’s so boring and it drags. I want someone who I can love and who loves me back. I want someone financially stable.” He nodded as he gulped wine down.

“What’s your profession?”

He smiled softly, “I’m a doctor.” He replied. She smiled shortly while nodding.

“And guess what I am?” she sighed.

“Must be fun.” He said, “Looks like you work for your family?”

“Yeah,” she placed her glass down, “I do. And I hate it.” She sipped her wine, “Can I just run away with you?”

“Sure.” He laughed. The waiter came back and they ordered.

“So, just tell me about life.” He said and she nodded.

“I don’t get paid enough and it makes me so so mad. I just want to rob a bank sometimes before I get crap for money. They still pay me like I’m getting allowance. I hate it. Six dollars an hour is not a damn paycheck.” She growled. He nodded. He got nothing an hour. No one even wanted to hire him.

“What about yours?” He explained how his parents and family didn’t love him

“I don’t like talking about it. There’s just nothing to talk about. I eat, sleep, and work with the hope of meeting a woman as beautiful and down to earth like you.” She smiled.

“Thank you.” She said, “You, I swear, have the most beautiful brown eyes I’ve ever seen. They’re so rich and striking.” He smiled as the food was set down in from of them after twenty minutes.

“I want to know you more. Tell me deep down inside what your fears are. I know we just met but I feel such a strong connection to you.” he asked. She stopped eating. She sipped some wine and leaned back in her chair with her arms crossed across her small chest.

“The real truth about me is I was raped when I was thirteen by my boyfriend. I beat him up so bad they couldn’t recognize him with a bat. I was put in juve for five years and then they let me go. He never got any sentence for raping me. I was then forced to stay in the house by my parents even though I was eighteen. They screamed and yelled and sometimes got violent so I hate them and I’m scared of what they’ll do if I leave…now you.”

Part Three

Mama, put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore.
That long black cloud is comin' down
I feel like I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

“I’m not a doctor; I’m really a society failure. They cut off my scholarship to medical school after I tried pot just once and got caught and arrested. I just robbed two stores and I’m already tired of looking over my shoulder. After this dinner I’m going to turn myself in so I have someplace to sleep tonight. There’s really nothing left for me to live for. I’m deciding if I want to die or if I want to turn myself in. It’s hard deciding.”

She starred and placed her fork down.

“Oh my…” she said and he nodded.

“So how you like me now?” he asked softly, “I just wanted to feel for one day how it would feel to have money, to feel rich and important. To have a purpose.”

“Do you have a gun?”

“No, but it helped to act like I did have one.” He said eating the last of his food. The waiter brought the bill back. He starred at her. He looked at the bill.

“How much is it?”

“One-hundred seventy-three dollars and thirty-four cents.”
“Wow.” She said, “How much did my dinner cost?” she asked.

“Twenty-two dollars but hey. I don’t care. The wine cost one twenty and my dinner was twenty.” He said softly and she nodded.

“So, what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know, you know. I guess I’ll just give the money back and kill myself.” He sighed.

“No you won’t. You are not going to kill yourself. Not if I help it. I can help you run away. I can take the money back myself.”

“But why? We just met.”

“You’re not a bad person, you’re just confused.” She whispered while squeezing his hand, “You’re just angry and hurt and are frustrated. I understand what you mean. I’m not saying you were right, God no but the legal system should show compassion to you.” She said softly, “Let’s get out of here. I feel like everybody’s watching us.” She said and he placed two hundreds on the table. She pulled him out and they ran from the restaurant. They walked hurried down the street.

“Are you undercover?” he asked and she burst out laughing loudly.

“Why the hell would you think that?”

“Well, I mean any woman with intelligence would have barged out the door and never have come back.” He said as he looked at his car. It was surrounded by officers. He looked at her and she pulled him the other way.

“The money’s in there?”

“Nope. I have the money.” He said and patted his pocket.

“My car’s around the back.” She said and he nodded. She slid in the driver’s seat and he sat down. She turned on the engine and pulled away.

He pulled out his wallet and set close to seventeen hundred dollars on the dashboard.

“Hey!” she exclaimed, “What are you doing? You’re gonna get us caught!”

“Sorry.” He mumbled sheepishly. He put the money back in his wallet, “I want to return the rest.”

“Okay.” She said, “How much is it?”

“Seventeen hundred I think. He divided it as fair as he could. Each bag got eight thousand five hundred dollars. He wrote a note and placed it in the bag. They first dropped the bag off behind a unattended police car without stopping. The next one was like the first with the same bag. It took twenty minutes before she pulled onto a highway.

“I have a question.” He stated and she nodded, “Do you believe in fate?”

“I don’t know. I mean, where are you getting at?”

“Maybe God wanted me to rob these places as crazy as it sounds. So I could meet somebody like you to try and help me with my life.” He said, “I truly think you’re an angel.” She laughed.

“Well,” she said as her eyes sparkled. The darkness splashed over her face as they passed various lights of the city standing tall enough so the interstate was lit. “Maybe he did but I’m no angel, I’m no savior.” There was a pause, “Did you wear gloves?” she asked smiling.

“Yeah. I’ve seen crime movies.” He laughed. He ran his hands over his face and sighed.

“Take a nap. I know where you can go.”

Part Four

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door
Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Sunlight streamed into his vision and cobwebs of reality began to form. He blinked his eyes and groaned. His neck was in a very uncomfortable position. That was going to hurt. He sat up and she smiled at him. She looked tired and her hair was a mess as they drove through an enormous and busy city. He saw the big TV against a building and gasped.

“Oh you gotta be kidding me!” he yelled and she laughed. He laughed, “Stop the car!”

She got squeezed with all his might. He didn’t know why he was so happy. He didn’t know why he felt everything was going to be alright. He didn’t know why he felt energy for the first time in years.

“Welcome to New York City.” She said. She let the windows and yelled with her arms up in an old convertible. He looked at her and laughed. “You just looked like the type who would want to live here.”

“What?”

“My family doesn’t understand me nor need me, your family doesn’t like or love, whatever you prefer, you. So why not just start again.”

“There’s no money though. I mean, I have no money. I was evicted last week and while they threw my stuff out, I just drove away. Even for poor people it’s embarrassing.” He said, “I’ve seen them evict families with children as if it were nothing.”

“Assholes make the word go round.” She said and they both laughed, “I guess they can’t help it.”

He smiled and admired the view from with the hood down. It had to be thirty degrees but they didn’t care. They had the heat blasting and all it did was float up and mingle with the cold air.

“I got a question for you cause I couldn’t stop thinking about it last night while I was driving.” She said and he looked at her.

“Yeah? Fire away.”

“Were you gonna rob my family’s store.”

He sighed and looked back out the window.

“Don’t be ashamed about it. Just tell me.”

“If you weren’t there, yes. But it was like, it was like you were, you are the last thing good left in the world. It’s like your heart is so innocent and pure and you’re good.” He said and sighed, “It’s hard to explain.” He said and she grinned widely.

“I understand. I understand what you mean. I like that you feel that way about me but please know that I don’t want you to think like that. I mean, we just met. I don’t even know how old you are and you think I’m an angel. I don’t want you to think too highly because if all your faith is in me, what happens if I slip.” She said and he looked at her.

“Please try not to because if I can’t believe in you, there’s nothing left for me.” He said and she nodded.

“I’ll try my hardest.” She said. He grinned at her.

“I’m a criminal. Man, how many kids grow up saying they want to be a criminal.” He chuckled and she giggled.

“I’m hungry. Let’s get something to eat.” She said and she pulled from the street and slowed beside a sidewalk meter. She paid the required fifty cents and they both went inside.

“Where did you get the money from?”

“I don’t live on my own, I don’t care about clothes, shoes or any of that other stuff, I didn’t pay for my car. I’ve been working at my family place since I was ten. I’m twenty seven.” She said and he nodded, “I have over fifty thousand.” She said and his eyes grew wide.

“Wow.”

“We can just find jobs and everything will be okay.” She said and then something rang. It was a quirky ring tone and he looked at her. She pulled the cell phone from her pocket and looked at it. She flipped it shut and turned it off.

“That’s cool.” He said and she smiled. He saw a three layer toffee cake in the window.

She looked at it before someone ran in with a gun. He pulled the gun out and pointed around the shop.

“Everyone get down!” he yelled. A.J. dropped to the floor as she stood starring at the man holding the gun and he aimed it right at her.

“Bitch.” He growled and the gun went off. She fell next to him and starred at him with scared eyes. He didn’t know or comprehend what happened next except that he was wrestling the gun from him. He gasped as the man twisted his wrist and the gun was pointed at him. He ripped his hands away in full surrender and yelled. He felt something blast through his chest and he fell starring at her. A tear had fell down her face and hit the floor. Everything was rushing and loud in his ears. The blood rushed through his ear and the screaming and yelling was blurred. She died with her eyes open as he laid there starring at her. He closed his eyes at peace. At least something had gone right. Something had worked. Even surrounded by anger, pain, and hate, there was some good left in the world.



Lyrics and Song by Bob Dylan